#I should draw him again uwu

[eryanlainfa]

I spent 12 hours on that file trying to design myself a sinnersona what is wrong with me-

[morhido]

Sighs. Okay yeah i have thoughts about cgi toothless.

First of all, why does he look so... slimy? He feels too smooth. Like they just stretched some scaly skin over a skeleton and let it walk around. Immediately offputting.

His body language is. Fine? Am i being nitpicky or does it seem just the tiniest bit less expressive? I'm guessing this is either the scene right after hiccup cuts him free, in which case he should be way more intimidating, or the fish-sharing scene, in which case he should feel a little friendlier and more curious around hiccup. It's a quick shot so i won't put a ton of expectations onto it, but i think it's worth noting.

Okay this is a legitimately cool detail though. He has a secondary eyelid!! You can see it slipping away when he opens his eyes. That's a detail exclusive to the books so i like that they included something as small as that.

Sighs again. And this is the shot that prompted me to make this post.

Look at the original, and then look at the cgi version. I could write an essay about how inferior the cgi version is in comparison.

First off, they flattened his face. I swear every iteration of night furies after the first movie has just been compressing their snouts until they're sufficiently 'cute' enough for the audience to forget they're supposed to be sleek and aerodynamic.

Second, his eyes. Absolutely radioactive. I understand using a brighter colour for his eyes, especially in a relatively darker environment to make him stand out and seem more fantastical. But. They're just so bright. It's mildly unsettling how saturated they are compared to everything else.

Third, his eyes. Again.

Toothless is supposed to be terrified but still threatening in this scene, and the original shot conveys that perfectly. If it's a threat, then by all means hiccup should kill it or at least run, but instead he draws a connection between both of them being scared of the other and decides to cut him loose instead. And that's the core of their relationship. Toothless is staring him down with a slitted pupil that could just as easily be interpreted as "fuck around and find out" but hiccup just acknowledges that there's a frightened, injured animal in front of him that needs help, and he helps.

Is any of that conveyed in the cgi version? No!! It's trying so hard to be cute that it's gone full circle back to just being scary. The wide-eyed stare, the dilated pupil, he's basically just saying "🥺🥺 uwu pwease i'm so cute and innocent don't kill me aha 👉👈". Which is a lot less of a compelling reason for hiccup to free him!! Plus the fact that toothless turns up to look at him instead of lying and accepting his fate like in the original, which only makes it seem even more like he's trying to show off how apparently adorable he is.

Idk. Just the difference between the in-your-face sanitised cuteness of "teehe you wouldn't kill little old me would you? ����" and the expert subtlety of his "please don't hurt me" of the original doesn't give me high hopes for a toothless that stays true to his character from the first movie. Even from something as small as this. He's gonna get woobified. I can feel it.

[tess-talks-inc]

On the Topic of Telemachus’s age:

First off preface lmao I’m a stranger on the internet if you want to see this and be like “I don’t care” more power to you this isn’t to condemn it’s more like my explanation? I guess? Of why Telemachus being represented as an adult is important to the context of the story and also to me.

Like obviously once again I acknowledge artistic interpretation, and Telemachus being young is important to the story as well and is part of the role he serves as a comparison to Odysseus, but like sometimes the way some artists draw him makes him look pre-pubescent and like… I understand what you’re doing, and honestly I respect it and I hope you are having fun, but I am holding your hands when I say that him being a young adult with that attitude is so so so important to his character and his relatability.

Adulthood isn’t something that magically appears one day, taking all of your dreams, immaturity, and weakness away. Telemachus embodies that- at twenty years old, he should be inheriting a portion of his father’s house and assisting in its running. He should, for all intents and purposes, have been a full and functional independent adult looking at purely his age. However, he is both literally and mentally stuck in limbo- his father is lost, so he cannot inherit in the case of his father’s death because Odysseus’ status is MIA, and internally he knows (literally mentioned book 1 of the odyssey and in Legendary) that if he reaches for that authority as an adult, the suitors will kill him. He doesn’t feel like he can, or that he is even on equal standing to the suitors as an adult man, he cannot see himself as one like they are, and it’s why he imagines his dad doing it instead. He wants to be saved, a childlike desire, even though he has advanced to a point where he himself can do something physically. That’s why, in the odyssey, Athena tells him explicitly that he can do something about the suitors, and lays out a plan for him. She says that he is no longer a child to his face, and the Telemacheia thus begins to be a coming of age story in which he matures, and later is registered as a threat of the suitors. He is a young adult yes, and he still has aspects of his young self (idealization of his father, daydreaming, him being quick to frustration), but him being an adult who realizes that he can do something and can understand the way he is childish is important and central to his character arc.

His arc is him growing into his skin, adulthood no longer being something that fits him like loose clothes and only a description of his physical state, but something that now is tailored to him, something that feels close to right.

Honestly, I think this aspect of him being an adult while still holding onto these aspects of childishness is where Legendary and We’ll be fine falls short in adapting his character. I understand why, because while he is introduced he is not the true central character of the Saga- it’s Athena and how he affects her, that’s what’s most important. Also, once again, he was just introduced. He’s not matured yet, but he’s realizing he needs to. I still love the songs and the saga, because it’s a good adaptation that poses interesting questions, but yeah. Telemachus is v clearly a young adult and that hasn’t translated over sound yet, which I think is why this whole age debacle is happening alongside the uwu-ifying of the man.

TLDR: Telemachus is a young adult and he acts like it due to his blend of childishness and slowly gained maturity. You can draw him and see him as a child if you want, have fun with it, but at least internally understand how his 20 years of age plays into his arc a of him maturing into manhood outside of your own interpretation of him :D

[thunderxleafart]

Hey y'all! How would you like some more trains? x'D

I'm slowly trying to get back into the groove of things, been practicing more and trying to do more doodles. Anxiety be damned, I should just post what I want when I want!

With that in mind I'll be trying to post slightly more regularly over the next little while, mostly little things like this. Just to see how that goes. <3 I wanna thank y'all for being patient and hanging around, and hopefully I'll be back in the groove before you know it! :D

As for these two, I think Duck and Percy have an awesome friend dynamic, and they are totally having whatever the engine equivalent of soft tacos would be later. uwu

(Do I even need to mention how Duck didn't care if the big engines teased him, but as soon as he found out they were pushing Percy around, he shut down that nonsense right away? Yeah, they're besties to me now lol.)

First time drawing Percy too! And I think he's looking absolutely adorable. <3

And once again I know now exactly why so many people adore Duck LOL

That's it for now though! So enjoy! :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duck & Percy (c) Thomas & Friends

Art (c) Me! <3

[moreespressoformydepresso]

Hot take:

Coriolanus Snow did not love Lucy Gray, even though he loved her.

Bear with me for a second I know this sounds like an oxymoron but I promise I can make it make sense. The TL;DR is that both SnowBaird shippers and detractors are right, but also very very wrong. I’ll explain.

People who say Snow was genuinely in love with Lucy Gray are wrong. Flat out incorrect. And I say this so bluntly because of one simple factor: before the games, he needed Lucy Gray to promise total devotion to him. This 16 year old girl was about to be thrown into an arena to fight to the death and his concern was whether she was committed to him?? That’s not love. That’s need. Remember the saying “if you love someone, let them go”? It exists for a reason. If you truly love someone, you want what’s best for them. You want them to be happy, even if that means stepping away. Snow was not ready or willing to do this. If there was even a chance of him having to step away, he was prepared to just leave her to her fate to die. And this happened relatively early in the story when you look at the importance of events. Most of the moments we can point to and go “that’s a turning point for him” happen either during or after the games. Funnily enough this ties to a very simple fact of the story that seems to fly over a lot of fans’ heads, if they’re not just outright ignoring it.

Snow did not lose his mind or go insane over the course of the story. The whole point is that he was always this way, and looked every opportunity to choose to be a good person dead in the eyes as he dashed them to pieces, burned them to ashes and used the charcoal left over to draw happy little doodles on their graves. This story has two points, with the first being a subversion of the “uwu villain with a tragic backstory to excuse their actions” trope. The second one is gleefully stewing in all the ways the people Snow wronged in his early life haunted him until the day he died, especially Sejanus and Lucy Gray. That’s just one example of Snow not actually caring about Lucy Gray, but there are more. They’re sprinkled all throughout the story, culminating in the final scene where he attempts to murder her.

However

Coriolanus Snow did have genuine feelings for Lucy Gray. He was prepared to ruin his entire future to save her, knowing that getting caught cheating would destroy all he’s worked for his entire life. When he was forced to become a peacekeeper, he asked to go to 12 in hopes of seeing her again. He went out of his way to track her down and they shared genuine moments together. By now, he has no ulterior motive for being around her. No prize, no game to win, nothing to gain except happy memories. Snow wanted to be with her. And Lucy Gray wanted to be with him. There’s a skeleton of a genuine relationship there, inklings of the love story Lucy Gray was convinced they were destined to have. That wasn’t fake, those were real feelings and it could have been beautiful. If it wasn’t for one tiny little problem: Lucy Gray is not who Snow thought she was. She isn’t who he wanted her to be. In other words:

Coriolanus Snow thought he loved Lucy Gray Baird, when in actuality he loved the idea of her he’d created in his mind.

You see, this boy is the least reliable narrator to ever narrate in the history of ever, beaten out only by Humbert Humbert. And in similar fashion to Lolita it looks like people are making the mistake of taking his word at face value when the point the book tries to make is that you should not do that. Snow looked at his choice to keep bashing Bobbin over the head after he was already knocked out and decided to take it as evidence that all human beings lose their humanity when cornered (even though he was no longer cornered), he is very clearly not a trustworthy individual when it comes to making logical deductions. Especially because he can be neck-deep in denial sometimes. Snow never cared about Lucy Gray, the Covey girl, singer and performer who lost most of her family to a massacre and was forced to stay in one district rather than moving around like she used to. He cared about Lucy Gray Baird, district 12’s female tribute for the 10th hunger games. And those are not the same people. Tribute Lucy Gray Baird was locked in a zoo, forced to perform at all times to survive. Lucy Gray was free to be her authentic self (trauma not withstanding) and while she loves to perform, it’s a different kind. There’s no pressure, she can leave the stage if she so desires. She can roam as free as one can in the districts and no longer needs a mask to live.

In the book, Snow outright says he wishes she was still locked in the zoo so he knew where she was and she couldn’t leave. He loved the Lucy Gray that was contained. The one that was considered his by the people around him. The girl who relied on him completely because she had to. He loved what she was forced to be in order to not die, and when he saw the real her he wished she would be more like the girl he met. Which was not the real Lucy Gray. Snow loved the act she put on, and to some extent the control he had over her. He had genuine feelings for her, but not for the real her.

To conclude this rambly mess: shippers will pretend Snow genuinely loved Lucy Gray for all she was. This is not true. A certain subsect of people who hate this ship will say he never cared for her at all. This is also not true. And in a fandom for a book about the nuances of even the worst people on earth, that’s very funny.

[leonightwater25]

Jump to other whiteboard//HEH

Hi yes i behind the sticktube you can say i am the CEO//heh, i made it cause i was bored. I like everyone sticktube thumbnail XD. Mine just Rock!Au as Mv clip song skdjskdjs

Oh boi help me i was fever demon!charles, it took times for me to find good clothes, might find more clothes again//PLAK. And i ended up draw him in mu human ver

Small fanart to @populousgraph Ace Ryder love the design :D, and mysterious person with Lin and Liam

Drawing my gurl uwu

Some Rock Au, i decide to colour Ellie cause im bored//HEH

Art base from song cause i played it while i was drawing :D, still attached with R-906 songs is so perfect for Daica dkdksk. Ellie and Henry with zutomayo song :D

Just Reginald having fun w RHM because he is half robot and can fly :D, I should draw these 2 more..

Cursed corner i give you charles baby dust meme//PLAK, and i see people draw alot of charles as a curse face dkdkskd

Don't mind this because i starting have a fever with Metaphor Re Fantazio, making Daica summoning the "Archetypes" :"D grabbing @/populousgraph and mysterius oc for my maso//HEH

for wondering how they summon, they take out of mechanic heart and speak to it like a microphone :D i would love to do with other people OC but need cool line also backpain say hi ;;D maybe another time~

[yet-another-haven-of-dollya]

PoV: You jokingly tell Robin you're sick of him and don't want to see him ever again (bad reaction, not recommended)

Ayyyyy I'm kinda in a slump rn so I tried to draw my way out but all sketches turn wacky so I decided I should sleep for now. I'm going to answer asks when I wake up UwU

Playing genshin again took a whole fucking ton of time maybe I really should not play game and just focus on drawing instead. The pov games make my head hurt anw.

[chessboredom]

i’m curious about your take on lairy seeing that you actually have a brain and don’t woobify the shit out of it

Thank you, anon. U_U

And OMG. The woobifying part is too real, it's painful. I've seen a lot of people saying that "lairy is BAD and is PROSHIP because Airy is a kidnapper who ruined Liam's life," like Liam never tried to hunt down Airy and kill him? Yeah, that's your soft uwu boy victim incapable of defending himself from an sentient apathetic lantern.

And for the love of GOD, lairy is NOT PROSHIP, it's a CONCEPT. I am a Homestuck fan and I have seen worse. You are Not a horrible person for shipping Fictional Characters Of Any Kind. Educate yourself in fandom etiquette and remove yourself from purity culture(most importantly read the Commentary section).

Now back to the topic at hand;

Lairy (Liam x Airy)

I've seen a couple of people look at this pair and draw them as "platonic" or more stable than they are, which is fine, I like looking at them too, but they refuse to dive deeper into the potential of how unstable and codependent their relationship could be. It would fall more into codependency. It's my favorite.

As someone who loves toxic ships because of how horrible but also funny the dynamic could be, lairy is just a basic ass toxic yaoi. Nothing sexual happens. Pure instability. Toxic because they both flawed characters in their own special ways. Airy is extremely detached from not getting to be with anyone for more than a decade that he doesn't even care or show concern if other people get hurt/killed/die. Liam has lost all purpose in his life and was several axe swing away from becoming a murderer. lol

And for the part where the relationshipping happens with two things happening at once;

it starts with Airy having a one-sided infatuation, and then there's Liam taking that advantage, try to manipulate Airy and distract him away from the computer, and use that opportunity for him to figure out how the computer works. If it's for saving his friends, he'd do anything.

Airy gets these indescribable feelings by looking/thinking of Liam. He has no concept of personal space, so he'd just stand behind Liam and hold his backpack strap. Airy would insist on hugging Liam when they sleep. Just an incredibly touched-starved Airy.

Liam would be reluctant at this at first, but he should eventually realize that whatever he's trying to do is the last purpose he has. The world thinks he's dead. As long as he saves his friends in the end, it's worth it.

Oh? You want reciprocated? It is also possible for Liam to have feelings for Airy, but in a way that he never wanted to kill himself more in his life and never come back from limbo so he could never see his glassy face again. HAHAHA

I have more possible scenarios, but that would be for another post, hehehe.

[lornaka]

Hello! I remember you saying a bit ago that you didn't like it when fic writers "infantilized" Tech in their writing. Can you explain what you mean? I'm trying to write about him in my own story, but I'm proceeding very cautiously because I know his representation is important to a lot of people. So I'd like to hear more of your thoughts. Thanks!

Basically I’ve been seeing a lot of Tech being presented as the pure oblivious baby uwu who needs to be coddled and protected, as opposed to the incredibly capable actual genius super soldier who’s shown great understanding of people around him, be it his own siblings (his analysis of Crosshair’s behavior), or people like Cid (where he was completely aware of her pattern of questionable behavior towards the Batch and actively tracking the risks associated with it).

He might not pick up on things like social cues perfectly, that’s up for interpretation, and we know that he processes and expresses emotions differently but in my eyes, by no means does that mean that he is naive to the reality around him or less capable of drawing the right conclusions when it comes to interpersonal interactions than his brothers. And when/if he does struggle with those things, it doesn’t make him a helpless child that needs to be protected from any discomfort. If misunderstandings or uncomfortable situations happen, he should be allowed to deal with them as the fully grown and highly intelligent man that he is.

Which leads me to another point: I’ve seen some fans make him into this pure soul with childlike innocence, depriving him of any personality flaws. In my eyes, Tech is not a saint and is as flawed as anyone else, and to grow as a person he must learn to meet others halfway, like he did with Omega in The Crossing. And not in a beating-himself-up-for-messing-up kind of way (because that serves nothing but to again show “look how sweet and unproblematic he is! Poor baby is hurting!”) but in a he-is-an-adult-who-takes-responsibility-for-how-his-behavior-affects-others kind of way.

This is my personal interpretation, at least. I’m not saying it’s any more valid than anyone else’s and if someone disagrees, that’s fine. But this is where I’m at regarding Tech’s character.

[flower-boi16]

Why Seeing Stars' Thematic Messaging Doesn't Work

So…Seeing Stars. I used to think it was one of the better episodes of Season 2, but unfortunately, my opinion of it soured over time. It went from a 6.5/10 to a 4.5/10 the more I thought about it. Something that especially disappoints me about the episode is how it handles its thematic messages. Here I’m going to explain why Seeing Stars fails to execute its thematic messages that while are great messages, they sadly fail in execution

1. What is Seeing Stars Trying to Do?

Before I talk about why Seeing Star’s messages don’t work let’s first establish what’s the message the episode is trying to convey. It's basically a message about how while fathers can be heavily flawed and make mistakes sometimes they do still love their kids and are still trying to be the best father they can and that they do genuinely mean well. The episode also tries to draw a parallel between Loona and Octavia with their relationships with their fathers (Blitz and Stolas respectively), with how they both have fathers that are heavily flawed but do still care for them and are just trying. 

I actually do really like the message that the episode is trying to spread. I think it's very sweet and could work well...but unfortunately, while the episode's ideas aren't bad, the execution isn't exactly great.

2. Octavia and Stolas

Now that we've established what message Seeing Stars is trying to convey, let's talk about why the episode fails to execute its themes properly. First, let's talk about the parallel that the episode tries to draw between Loona and Octavia's relationships with their fathers; like I already said, the parallel is supposed to be about how they both have heavily flawed fathers that do genuinely care for them and while they do make mistakes or fuck up they are still trying.

The issue with this parallel is that the episode wants you to think that Stolas is a father who while makes mistakes and is heavily flawed is still a loving and caring dad to Octavia that cares for her, hell Loona even says that Octavia should cut Stolas some slack because he's trying to be the best father he can...

...even though Stolas is a shit parent. This is where we run into the first problem with this message; the episode tells us that Stolas is a heavily flawed but loving father who's trying to be the best father he can for his daughter but it runs hollow once you factor in Stolas' behavior towards Octavia in both Loo Loo Land and this very episode, the two episodes where he interacts the most with Octavia. In the former, he pays more attention to Blitz than he does to his own daughter and constantly neglects her until she runs away and gets upset, meanwhile in this very episode Stolas focuses more on his divorce with Stella and calls Stella a bitch right in front of Octavia, and breaks his promise to go see the stars with her because he's more focused on his divorce with Stella.

This calls into question "good dad who makes mistakes but is still trying" that the episode is trying to paint Stolas as because none of the episodes that focus on his relationship with Octavia ever show him being a good dad who's just trying, rather it shows someone who pays attention to others rather than his own daughter and who his daughter has to cry and run away from to actually get his attention.

It gets worse once you factor in the line where Loona says to cut Stolas some slack, because now rather than the thoughtful message the episode wanted to convey, it instead comes across as the show once again coddling Stolas and ignoring his mistakes in favor of painting him as an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong. Even worse, Octavia is treated as in the wrong for getting upset at Stolas here just like how Blitz is treated as in the wrong for getting upset at him too, when both are justified for getting mad at Stolas.

The show never showed Stolas as a father who while heavily flawed genuinely cared for her daughter and was trying his best, rather it showed a father who pays more attention to other people rather than his own daughter, so this whole message about Stolas and the parallel the episode tries to bring rings hollow, and it instead comes across as the show making Stolas into a creators pet and coddling him despite his mistakes as a father, yet the show tries gaslighting you into thinking otherwise.

3. Loona and Blitz

Now that I've covered why the message doesn't work from Octavia's side, now it's time to talk about why It doesn't work from Loona's side. Once again we come back to the line where Loona says that while sometimes dad's fuck up they do legitimately mean well, and how Octavia should cut his dad some slack. I first need to talk about Loona's behavior in this episode to explain why this doesn't work.

Loona acts very uncharacteristically nasty in this episode to Blitz all because he gave constructive criticism about how she acts towards clients. Like, she straight-up attacks him by throwing knives and beating him. Which is why it comes across as very annoying when Loona says that dad's fuck up all the time but it does still mean they're trying, because...Blitz didn't fuck up. She did. He has done nothing but love and care for her, yes he's overprotective but for good reason, and she repays him by being a massive bitch to him just because he gave her some mild criticism over how she was handling clients.

Blitz wasn't the one fucking up here, Loona did. Yes he did threaten to get rid of her, but she was the one who suggested it in the first place. Blitz is a father that does love his daughter and is trying his best to take care of her, but Loona comes across as a bitch here with how she's acts to him AND how she says that he was the one who fucked up when really she was.

This also especially makes Loona a massive hypocrite here; she's telling Octavia to cut her dad some slack because he's trying his best, but she isn't exactly treating her father very well either. And I'll just bring up Loona's conversation with Octavia again; she says that fathers my fuck up all the time but they are still trying and that's what matters, and how Octavia should cut Stolas some slack. You'd think that this would be the moment where Loona realizes her mistake and that she should also cut Blitz some slack, learns to appreciate her father a lot more, and goes to apologize to Blitz after they reunite with him and Stolas...

...except that's not what happened. Instead of apologizing to Blitz for how she acted she kicks him in the balls when he tries to hug her even AFTER he apologizes for threatening to get rid of her and hits his face with a book when he tries to get up. All of this makes Loona's conversation with Octavia feel completely hollow as Loona comes across as a massive hypocrite here with how she treats Blitz.

4. Conclusion

So ya, I hope you can now understand why Seeing Stars' themes and messages fall flat on their face. I do still have a soft spot for this episode due to it being the only episode in the whole show that got me cry the first time while watching it, but now while this episode is still a guilty pleasure of mine, I can admit that objectively it fails at conveying its core message due to it not working within both the context of the episode itself and the rest of the show.

[pyromegalomaniac]

Hiiii! Would it be cool if you could make a Wally x reader? I would greatly appreciate so much :)

Have a great day uwu

Thanks so much doubledaredevil! Since you didn't give me any prompts to go off of I'll just do a ficlet of Wally and the reader going to get a sundae at Howdy's!! Enjoy!!

(♡˙︶˙♡)

Wally x Reader Ficlet🍎🍨

☆°•☆°•☆°•☆

It'd been getting warmer and warmer every day, and in a month or two the sidewalk would be almost too hot to touch. I held Wally's hand as we walked together down the street, passing the houses of our friends.

"Boy, it's been heating up lately, eh Wally?" I asked.

"You can say that again, y/n. Maybe we should find some way to cool off?"

I thought for a moment. Since we were already headed in that general direction I suggested...

"How about we go see if Howdy's has anything we could cool off with? Maybe some fun paper fans or something?"

"Ooh, great idea. And unless we get a visit from a cloud friend to cover the sun, we'll have to go inside anyway," said Wally, looking up and shielding his eyes.

"Nothing but brilliant blue as far as the eye can see," he sighed. "It kinda makes me wish I had some paint with that color."

We turned the corner and walked into the bugdega, the little bell jingling.

"Maybe we can draw with sidewalk chalk some time," I said. "I bet you'd be good at that. I'd love to see what you'd make."

Howdy waved to us with one of his four arms, greeting his customers with a pleasant smile.

"Well hey there! What can I get for you, Wally and y/n? Rubber bands? Candy? Some other snack-a-roos?"

"We'd like something to help us cool off, Howdy. You got anything that could help us with that?"

"Why, I've got just the thing, y/n! I'll whip up a tasty frozen treat for you and your boyfriend to enjoy!" Said Howdy, clasping a pair of hands together, while the other pair started messing around behind the counter, bringing up a glass that could only be used for...

"A sundae! What a great idea!" Exlaimed Wally, looking at me in excitement. I grinned back at him.

We sat down at a little table by the window, and Howdy brought us a vanilla sundae with hot fudge. I ate with the spoon, and Wally would go from staring at the ice cream to staring at me.

It was a wonderful treat, and it was made even better that I got to share it with the one and only Wally Darling.

He really was the most.

☆°•☆°•☆°•☆

Sorry if this got kinda long, I think I got sidetracked in the intro... oh well! Again, thanks for requesting this, and I look forward to doing more of these in the future!!

ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ

[lovelywingsart]

Louder Than Thunder

-- Saren Arterius X Commander Shepard/OC (Transmasc Enby, They/Them) --

Eventually I'll write the very beginning of the timeline, and I'll edit this out when I finally do lmao- This takes place after they've stablished some sort of relationship/bond, so definitely quite a bit after meeting again.

Anyway, first official written story for these two! uwu Ended up... ALOT longer than intended (and probably the longest thing I've written thus far???), but was really fun despite the content.

Turns out I have a talent for writing nightmares and the reactions to them.

Who knew?

//Inspired by this image I did for them, which is also used as the cover for this one. uwu It hurts, but I love it very much.//

**You can find the Masterlist here!

-----

*Warnings?: Nightmare scene- terror, death, injury; panic attack/sickness, hurt/comfort (kinda?), massive vulnerability, small fluff at the end because I didn't know how else to end it

Summary: An unfortunately common-- and worsening- occurrence for Cam leads to admittance of details to the one they really didn't want finding out.

The Citadel in ruins.

The wreckage of ships- far too many ships to be possible.

Their teammates strewn across the ground, dead or dying.

The deep gash at the back of their neck, cut through the spine, making their body lose strength.

Laying paralyzed, bleeding out…

Hopeless.

Defenseless.

In front of them, a thin, gangly creature approaching, moving how no living creature should be able to- perhaps because it wasn't fully alive.

Dead eyes and mangled skeletal body aglow with Sovereigns Reaper technology, charred elongated claws dripping with crimson. And even without a jaw- without vocal chords or anything resembling a throat other than thick wires and tubes- a familiar, rasping growl of a voice from the entity as it descended upon them with clear intent to sever any ties to the living, arm hauled back and bloody claws spread-

"SHEEEPAAARRDD..." 

~~~~~ 

"Shepard-" 

A short scream echoed through the captains cabin as Cam bolted upright on the bed, reacting to the gentle voice in their ear. They scrambled back against the headboard, nearly tearing the sheets away from their body. Their eyes were wide, looking around frantically as they sucked in whatever air they could- though really, it felt like their throat was closing.

Movement next to them made them jump with a small yelp, whirling around and scooting away from what turned out to be Saren shifting into a somewhat upright position. The albino turians eyes, still somewhat blurry from sleep, searched their face with concern etched onto his usually stoic features. 

"Shepard...?" He repeated. "What happened?" 

They stared at him, chest heaving. 

Those silvery, ice blue eyes that were now bright and full of life and hidden emotion only they could read, often in waking hours filled with a gentle affection and curiosity- suddenly flickering back to the cold, dead, reddish-white glow and mangled face in less than a second, the vision disappearing as quickly as the still tired haze had brought it. 

The vision forced a small, yipping whimper from their throat as they scuttled away from him just slightly, and he moved again. Now nearly sitting up fully, no semblance of sleep left in his features, he was instead overtaken by an even greater sense of concern- and now confusion. 

"Shepard??" 

His voice made him flinch, and they opened their mouth to respond- only to cover it as a sudden rush of bile rose to their throat, their body jerking in such a way that made him draw back. He jumped as they suddenly launched themself off of the bed, throwing the covers off and nearly tripping over their own feet as they ran to the bathroom, leaving him with a small, confused trill. 

They nearly broke the door, yanking it open faster than the automated system could, dropping to their knees and nearly sliding to the toilet before the control finally gave way. Their body heaved, expelling whatever had been eaten for dinner prior to heading to bed- not that they could remember what it had been, nor did they care to at this point- only stopping once there was nothing to bring up. 

Their body trembled as they gasped for breath, coughing and spitting what they could until they knew it was over. Tears streamed down their cheeks, both from fear and vomiting, and a shaky sob finally forced its way out of their throat. A quick smack to the handle cleared the toilet with fresh water, and they slumped over with heaving, wheezing sobs, not entirely unaware of the light clicking of talons against the cabin floor approaching the door. 

They spit once more as the door opened, attempting to control their breathing as the sound of a small, concerned trill broke the otherwise silent air. The sound made them flinch- and with that flinch came a sudden pain in the back of their neck, the scar over it feeling as if it had sparked with a superheated flame. 

A small warble was heard as they suddenly whimpered, one hand moving to cover the back of their neck as they curled in on themself and around the toilet how they could. Their turian watched, emitting a concern that they could feel from where he stood at the door. He didn't move for a few seconds before taking a breath, slipping into the bathroom quietly and reaching for a cup at the edge of the sink. He filled it with water without a word before carefully approaching, staying to their side and in view- just in case. 

He only paused as their head shifted, simply crouching where he was and holding out the cup for them to take. There was silence between them still as they shifted to glance at him, their breaths wavering- but they still reached forward with a shaky hand, gingerly taking the cup from his with a mere whimper as thanks. He tilted his head as they leaned up to take a sip, watching as they swished the water around their mouth for a moment before spitting it into the toilet. 

Saren remained crouched, his naked pale form almost ethereal among the gentle fluorescent light and darker steel color of the bathroom, the contrast of the solid black metal of the left arm prosthetic giving him an even more otherworldly look.

"... What happened..." he said finally, careful to keep his voice low, though there was a small deeper purring twang as he spoke- sub-vocals, they assumed, something they were still getting used to picking out. They were silent, swirling the water around the cup with a small sniffle. They seemed to think for a moment before opening their mouth- but closed it as they couldn't bring themself to speak.

He took a moment to observe them, eyes quickly drifting over their hunched form, clad in only a large tee-shirt three sizes too big. They looked… small like this, far smaller than he was used to, and the large shirt certainly didn’t help. He then turned his head to look at the bathroom door, and then back to them. Of course he had a general sense of what had happened- nightmares were common for him as well, and even he had nearly gotten physically ill when woken up- but they never had.

… Or, as long as he had known them personally, at least…

Which, admittedly, he knew wasn't long at all.

His nose twitched, mandibles lightly flaring for just a moment before he looked around the bathroom. He tilted his head once he had an idea, bringing one mandible up to his jaw thoughtfully.

“... Would a shower help?” He questioned lightly. If he had learned anything about humans, it was that showers somehow seemed to ease quite a few more issues than he had imagined possible- baths moreso, so they were called, as he had learned from listening to other crew members from the side. 

Cam glanced at him for a moment before sighing and nodding just slightly, and he nodded back. He stood up, his brow plates shifting just slightly at the flinch they gave, but he made no attempt to point it out given how they currently shied from him. Whatever the nightmare had been, it was enough to frighten them into being skittish.

He moved to the open shower, reaching for the handle.

“It will be sufficiently warm, I would suggest staying-”

“... cold…”

Their voice was but a whisper, hoarse from vomit and sobs- it didn't sound like them.

He froze. 

He didn't like that. Not at all.

He looked at them for a moment.

“I'm… sorry…?” He tried, wondering ever so slightly if he had heard them right. They took a wavering breath.

“Cold.” They repeated, slightly louder this time. “Cold water.”

He blinked.

“I… Shepard…” he tried, taking a step away from the shower in confusion as he wracked his brain thinking of any sane reason why anyone would want a cold shower after such an awful awakening. “I must advise against that… Cold water would be incredibly counter-productive in terms of relaxation, and could put you in danger of-”

“Please, Saren...” they nearly begged, the voice quieting once more. He visibly froze for a moment before looking at the handle. While he thought it insane, he knew he couldn't have even attempted to fight with them… he didn't want to. 

He contemplated for a moment before giving a defeated sigh.

“... alright…” 

He said nothing else, though was now hesitant about reaching for the handle at the mere thought of cold. He couldn't be stingy right now, it wasn't FOR him. It was for Shepard… as much as he would have liked to attempt to convince them otherwise.

A moment was what it took to finally grab and turn the thing towards the small blue symbol, resulting in him yanking his arm away immediately as soon as the water started. He took a few steps back once more, avoiding the cold liquid almost like the plague. Well, it was one way to signal they wanted to shower alone… Not that it exactly bothered him at this point in time.

Cam watched him for a moment before taking a breath.

“... Thank you…” they said quietly, just barely audible against the rush of water. The turian nodded, backing away to the door.

“If you need me…” he started, and they nodded.

“I'll let you know.”

Cam watched as he stood silent for a moment, almost awkwardly, before finally retreating with a soft huff. The door closed behind him with a small *click*, and they couldn't help but relax- though almost shamefully so.

It took a few moments for them to move, though when they did, it wasn't much- stiff movements of their arms to slowly lift the shirt they wore off and away; even slower as they nearly crawled to the shower. It was almost at iff their legs had refused to work, resulting in the motion being more of a drag than a crawl, and the feeling of freezing cold water forced a startled yip from their throat. They resisted the urge to back away, however, instead forcing themself to keep scooting forward until they were entirely under the stream.

It caused a near immediate burning numbness of muscle even as they began to shiver almost violently with the shock. But even so, they stayed in place, pressing to the wall and pulling their knees up to their chest. The hope that the cold would shock them awake, or at least shock the vivid images out of their head was strong, but it didn’t seem to work. Not immediately, at least.

They let the water wash over them for a moment, giving in to the numb shivers until their chest heaved- once, twice, a third time before resulting in yet another sob.

And once the sobs began, this time they didn't stop.

For once they were grateful for the high pressured water, the sound of it drowning out their sobbing as they slumped against the wall entirely.

~

Cam sat there, curled and crying, for what seemed like hours, even though they knew it hadn't been. While the freezing water had woken them initially, the exhaustion was far too overpowering as they leaned against the wall half asleep with numb fingers and toes. It was only when they felt they had no tears left that they looked at the door to the bathroom- not once had it even been cracked open. Not once had he attempted to check on them, though they assumed it was from the aversion to the cold, as if asking for the coldest setting had driven him off temporarily, or until they came out.

And, while lonely, they couldn't stop the twisting feeling in their gut as they couldn't help but admit it was reassuring. 

He was willing to give them space.

They watched the door for a moment, mindlessly shivering, until they glanced at their own skin. It had gone a somewhat odd red-ish pale, and lifting a single hand had shown just how bad their shivering really was.

“... shit…”

Even they could barely hear their own voice over the water, looking up to the dial. Too high to reach like this…

With a sigh and a sniffle, they shifted.

It was, admittedly, somewhat difficult, the cold water having locked their muscles somewhat, but they managed to shift onto their knees and reach up. A few clicks of the handle in the opposite direction provided a quickly growing- and welcome- increase in temperature, though they didn't quite move any further. 

The water burned their skin as it heated, the contrast between the freezing and warmth sending another shock through their body, even as it happened slowly, and soon they slumped forward with a sigh as the water continuously heated to the point where steam immediately fogged the mirror.

They only moved again once the shivering had subsided, the feeling of warmth calming their muscles and giving them back what little strength they had to stand. It would have been easier with help, of course, but they couldn't bring themself to call out- once on their feet, however, it became easier, and another few moments of reveling in the warmth was all it took for them to sigh and grab a small bottle of soap.

~

Actually cleaning themself was a surprisingly easier task than standing up, and soon they spit toothpaste into the drain before switching the electric brush off and placing it back into the small nook it was in. A few more moments of standing in the water for a last rinse was enough, and soon they turned the water off and sighed.

They wandered across the floor to grab their hanging towel, running it along their hair first before draping it over their shoulders for a moment while stopping in front of the mirror-

Despite being freshly cleaned, they still looked like hell, with darker bags under their eyes than usual and reddish skin from both the heat and crying for so long. 

Another moment staring at the reflection led to a sigh, and they finally moved to the door, readjusting the towel before hitting the button.

Almost immediately the light of the bathroom filled the room as the door opened, and they stepped out hesitantly while wrapping the towel loosely around their front. Their eyes glanced over the room itself before fixating on Saren, his ghostly form sticking out clearly from the semi-darkness of the room- no lights save for the gentle blue glow of the fish tanks and the lighting from the bathroom itself, just like they had left it.

He rested on the couch, one leg crossed over the other as he casually scrolled through a datapad- but their interest was quickly drawn to the loose dark pants he wore that looked almost too big for him in a way, looking somewhat undignified on the irritatingly proper turian. They stared at him for a moment, and he looked up.

“Shepard.” He greeted calmly, sitting up near instantly and setting the pad down onto the table in front of him. “I was wondering if you were alright. Your shower was… long…”

Cam was quiet for a moment before clearing their throat, keeping a hold on the towel as they finally moved to the small closet area.

“I'm… I'm fine…” they replied, pressing open one of the drawers and digging until they found a new shirt- still as large as the other one, though this time a darker color with a colorful design on the front. “What about you?”

He tilted his head.

“Me…?”

They managed a small, amused smile as they glanced at him over their shoulder, though it was clear it was somewhat forced- they wanted to seem as if it were alright, to try and change the subject if they could. Avoiding the nightmare all together was optimal at this point.

“Yeah. I didn't think you'd be caught dead in those.” They joked lightly, gesturing to- what was essentially- the sweatpants he wore. “Never thought you'd own any, are you feeling ok?”

He stared at them for a moment, mandibles flicking, before his nose scrunched with a small huff.

“They were… ‘given’ to me.” He started, looking down at them and picking at the material with his talons. “... It was not my choice.”

They hummed with a small, curious tone.

“Aww, who gave them to you?”

He was silent again, though his mandibles fluttered in a way they couldn’t quite tell was more irritation or embarrassment.

“... Vakarian…” 

The shamed utterance of the other turians name earned a genuine snort from them.

“I'm surprised he was so nice…” they teased, and the new scrunched scowl on his face almost made them snort again.

“‘Nice’ isn't the description I would claim it to be.” He said flatly, watching as they wandered to the bed with the large shirt in hand. “Rather, they were forced on me to, in paraphrasing, ‘get the stick out of my ass and relax for once’ before he called my age a factor in my decision to avoid them.”

Cam paused for a moment. 

“... So he basically threw them at your head and told you to stop being a cranky old bastard?” They suggested, and he grumbled.

“... To put it far less eloquently, yes.”

They snorted again as they partially removed the towel from their front, saying nothing while feeling his eyes on their skin as they dried more completely- but not with need. No, his icy gaze still held large concern, watching them almost intently as if waiting for something to snap, to prove that his concerns were more valid than they had initially been from the moment they had woken up. It was clear he was thinking, his mandibles flicking opposite of eachother every few seconds as they fully dried and slipped the shirt on.

They wandered back over towards the bathroom, ruffling their hair with the towel in attempts to dry it more before they decided to lay down again, only to slow at the sound of a soft, concerned clicking. They tilted their head slightly, coming to a full stop as the sound of talons against the floor sounded behind them, and they could nearly feel him next to them within seconds. For such a large creature- large to them, at least, though he was rather small in species terms- he certainly moved far more silent than one would expect. A gentle touch to their arm with his knuckle made them flinch, though they didn't shy away from the touch entirely now. They flinched again, however, at the small click of his mandibles as he pulled them to his jaw.

“Please.” Saren said suddenly, his vocals a low, gentle purr meant to sooth- it wasn't something he did often, and it made them freeze. “Tell me what happened.”

They didn't move. Couldn't move, honestly. They felt their heart speed up in near panic for a few moments as they glanced over to him, tilting their head slightly to look at his face. Scarred, yes- but pristine otherwise. No severe damage. No soulless eyes. No missing mandible or jaw. Completely normal for an older- albeit specifically altered- turian…

They flinched again as more burning pain rushed to the back of their neck, and they forced themself to not move before taking a breath.

He had to know. He had every right to know, given the situation… And keeping it from him just felt… wrong.

“... Sit…” they nearly whispered, nodding to the bed. He tilted his head slightly, shifting it from one side to the next as he glanced over at the bed and then back to them before bowing his head in a small nod. 

Cam watched as he slowly backed away before he quietly padded to the bed, and they turned to enter the bathroom once more. They paused as they hung the towel, their mind racing with a new anxiety as the idea of telling him the details of their nightmare made them swallow hard. A small, fearful twist in their stomach made them back away from the wall- It was better to tell him now, but even they knew how sensitive he could be with things relating to… ‘that’ time.

Another few seconds of contemplation rendered them immobile until they shook themself out of it, building whatever courage they needed to walk out of the bathroom with a finality in the decision.

Saren sat calmly- almost ‘properly’, they noted- at the edge of the bed as they had asked, tapping his talons along his thighs just slightly in a mindless- yet distinguishable- rhythm. They wandered fully to the middle of the room, pausing mere feet from the bed as he looked up at them. The now reflective ice blue gaze had been filled with concern mixed with a wide, bright nervousness much like a child afraid of getting in trouble. It admittedly sent an arrow through their chest, and they managed to force back the choking feeling that threatened to close their throat once more.

Despite everything, that bright gaze meant the world to them now, and it hurt more than anything knowing what it turned into when their eyes were closed.

They were shaken from their pause as he shifted his head towards them and let out a gentle, warbling trill that held concern. Anyone who claimed the former Spectre was heartless clearly had never gained his trust.

They took slow steps towards him, managing to keep small confidence as they finally circled and sat next to him, one knee bumping his. A source of touch, for reassurance. They reached out hesitantly to take his hand, feeling his gaze shift between them as his fingers slowly curled around theirs.

So warm…

So gentle.

So alive.

Fuck, it hurt.

They were silent for a moment longer before releasing the breath they didn’t realize they held, and finally beginning to speak.

“... I know you don't… remember… but…” they started, attempting to choose their words carefully. “... When… When we destroyed Sovereign at the Citadel a few years ago… there was some… damage.”

They managed to hold back the flinch as they felt his grip on their hand tighten just slightly, glancing up at his face- he stared at them hard, mandibles pulled taught against his jaw, almost as if they'd snap from the pressure- but he was entirely still despite the clear spark of dread in his eyes, and more pain shot to their neck.

They sucked in another deep breath.

This would be harder than they thought.

“Obviously the place itself was more or less rebuilt… we had casualties outside…” they tried, prying their gaze off his and focusing on their hands. “Garrus and Wrex were a little banged up, but nothing some mild painkillers and medi-gel couldn't fix…”

They went quiet for a moment, chewing on the inside of their cheek. They could feel his eyes burning into them, and they squeezed his hand.

“... Medical said I got lucky.”

Suddenly his gaze was off them. They continued.

“You, uh… well… your… corpse got me pretty good…”

A small nervous chuckle came from them as they reached back with their other hand, rubbing the back of their neck with an awkward smile as if it were the punchline to a bad joke- but he made no movement. So, they took a breath and kept talking.

“They… Well…” they tried to search for words, but couldn't.

Nothing would have made this easy…

May as well rip off the bandaid, right?

They were silent before sighing, staring their hands with his fingers around theirs- looking at the pale talons that gripped their own skin so gingerly, as if he were afraid of slicing it-

As if he were afraid to do exactly what they feared.

“... You… It… It almost sliced through bone… through the spine.” They said finally, using their thumb to run along his. “It could have paralyzed me, but they said I moved out of the way just in time. It just barely nicked the bone, but hit a few nerves…” they cleared their throat, squeezing his hand, “I-I'm fine now, just… just a small tweak in the neck when I turn it, but it-... I…”

They trailed off, and glanced at him. He stared forward at the ground, a somewhat vacant look in his eyes. He barely remembered anything from then, of course- they were surprised he remembered ANYTHING… but it was always obvious he had never WANTED to remember.

They stared at him for a moment before looking away again, feeling their lip tremble.

“... Saren, I…” they tried, and could feel his body shift slightly as he glanced at them-

Another rush of pain to the scar, and another forced back sob.

“... Sometimes I dream that it worked…” they managed, their voice suddenly small. He flinched. They continued once more.

“I dream that… you… it…”

A small struggling breath and squeeze to his hand-

“... I dream it killed them… it killed them, and I didn't move, I didn't-”

A pause and a choked back sob-

“... I didn't move in time.”

He looked at them fully now, and they gripped the back of their neck.

“It got me. Right through the spine, I couldn't move and it knew that… It hurt so fucking bad, and then just… goes numb… but I can still hear everything… I can still see… and all I see is just…”

They trailed off again for a moment, feeling his fingers trembling- 

A flash of vision again. Them on the ground, bleeding out, mouth opening as if to speak, though no words escaped their lips. Watching in paralyzed horror as the Husk approached, the violent red-ish sparks from its chest aglow with Reaper energy. Claws poised to strike, already dripping with the deep crimson blood. His face glitching back and forth, mangled to pristine, red to blue, malicious intent in every movement. His wheezing voice so clear in their head, as if it were right in their ear-

They flinched out of the vision and finally took a breath and looked at him, welling tears stinging the corners of their eyes as they tried not to break upon seeing the sudden heartbreak in the ice blue once he understood.

“... You...” They finished, and they could see his jaw shift. “I see you. Even when I wake up, it's still there. Always for a few seconds.. and then I just… you're laying there with me… and it's a constant flashing of that… that thing… and I'm just…”

Tears spilled freely now, slowly at first before a constant stream flowed down their cheeks. They searched his face, the hurt they saw causing a pain in their chest.

“... I know its not you…” they nearly whispered and looked away again. “It's not real… it's just a stupid dream, but it… It feels so fucking real, and then I wake up and see you here, and I just… I get… scared…”

They paused.

That was a lie.

They took a breath.

“... I get terrified.”

There we go.

They were quiet for another moment, feeling his eyes on them- a quick glance revealed more than it needed to.

His eyes wide, brow plates raised in a way indicating surprise- the ever growing hurt and horror in the blue orbs as they stared. Mandibles flared just slightly in disbelief, though twitching ever so slightly as if he wanted to speak.

Cam looked away again, almost in shame.

“I wake up next to you and that's all I see, even for a moment before it goes away.” They said, their voice but a hoarse whisper. “I see that fucking thing, right out of my goddamn nightmares… It keeps getting worse every time, and it makes me sick and scares me and-”

“... You know… I wouldn't hurt you… right…?”

It was unusual for him to interrupt them, though it didn’t quite matter at the moment. What mattered was his now trembling hand still in theirs, and the almost wavering tone he held.

His voice was quiet. Scared.

Hurt.

Cam shook their head immediately.

“I… N-No, I know… I know that.” They said quickly, finally letting go of his hand to rub their face. “I know you wouldn’t, Snow… But I can’t… control what I see…” they fought to work through their words, feeling him shift next to them. “I can’t control whatever fuckery my head tries to get me to believe, even when it concerns you…” they shook their head again, “... especially when it concerns you…”

They went silent again, though soon shifted onto the bed fully, burying their face in their hands. They didn’t even look at him, but could feel his eyes burrowing into their skin.

“I told you before… the nightmares have only gotten worse…” they muttered, voice strained as they attempted to force back the sobs they could feel tightening their throat. “I thought it would be easier the more I knew you… That maybe they would just… go away, I guess.” a pause of breath, “... I was wrong…”

Silence filled the room once more, and they suddenly felt him move again- but no sound came from him. No warbling, no clicks… they could barely even hear him breathe. They couldn't feel his eyes on them anymore, and they slowly realized their own hands were shaking with the anxiety the feeling alone gave.

Did they fuck it all up by telling him…?

Slowly but hesitantly, they shifted their face to peek through trembling fingers, almost afraid of what they would find- and somehow, it was worse than if he had just left the room.

He sat silently in front of them, facing away from them with his head down, his arms at his front along his thighs. But they froze almost immediately with the one glaring detail-

His back was turned.

Completely.

A form of vaunerability that even the most suicidal turian wouldn't dare attempt depending on who they were around, and certainly not something Saren himself did willingly, if at all- even around them.

And yet, pale form striking in the near darkness, they could see a gentle tremble of his shoulders, making no move to shift even slightly to the side. It put a pit in their stomach, and suddenly they couldn't stop the new round of tears from falling, not even giving a chance to stop. He only seemed to flinch as they sniffled, curling more into himself. 

They felt their arm twitch just slightly, a small longing making them want to reach out, to press against the carapace over his back to cover that vulnerability, but they found they couldn't move- not easily, at least. 

“... Snow…?” They tried, their voice a near squeaky whisper, and he flinched again.

“... I'm sorry…”

It was the only response he gave, nearly weak in tone with a heavy layer of guilt, and it made their heart shatter. 

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

“Snow…” they tried again, choking back a sob. “I… I don't… blame you for them…”

He shook his head, and they could tell from the small movements of his arms that he had reached to rub his own face.

“I… I still caused them.” He managed, shifting his head slightly to the side. “I caused all of it, Shepard. Even now, I know I'm blamed for it… perhaps not by you, but by everyone else. And you…” he paused, a small, seemingly involuntary warbling trill escaping his throat as he spoke, “... You were caught in the crossfire. Conscious or not, luck or not, you were close to death because of me… And that has affected you enough to feel terror where you should only be experiencing peace.”

“That wasn't the only thing that caused them-”

“And yet it is what you see the most often… It's what you saw tonight.”

They knew he wasn't trying to make them feel worse, only stating blunt facts with his own guilt, but it certainly didn't make them feel any better. They watched as he shook his head, a wavering inhale the next sound they heard. They flinched again, though this time couldn't stop the pained whimper they let out at the same time. It felt like their neck was on fire, pulsing and burning as if it were a fresh wound, and their hands shot back to cover it.

They doubled over with a sudden sob at another wave of nausea at the feeling, and felt the shift as his head nearly snapped back to look at them. They brought their knees up to their chest, driving their face into them while clutching the back of their neck with trembling muscles. But they opened their mouth anyway in attempts to speak.

“I... I'm s-so… so sorry, Snow…” they choked out, and this time he felt his own breath hitch in his chest. They shook their head. “I don't… I don't want this… I hate seeing you like… like that… I hate waking up to it…”

Another sob forced its way from their throat with the pain… then another… and another… and suddenly their body trembled and jerked with them, one arm moving to surround their head while the other stayed over the back of their neck.

“... You… You mean… the fucking world to me, Snow…” they forced out between sobs, unable to even lift their head to see his face. “I hate being afraid… I hate these… fucking… nightmares for making me afraid of you…” another sob, and their voice dropped. “... F-Fuck, it… it hurts…”

He couldn't. He couldn't just sit there any longer. Not like this. Not while the guilt ate away enough to make him similarly nauseous, to make his mouth dry and body ache. 

Something in his chest snapped, and it forced him to move.

A soft, bellowing trill was all Cam heard before they were nearly barreled into at lightning speed, the soft, blue-ish purple glow of Sarens biotics dancing on the outside of their closed eyelids before they even had a chance to open them. They were almost ashamed of the short, terrified scream they let out as they were grappled and pulled against bone-like plating, instinctively pushing away for a few seconds before their wrists were grabbed with a gentle force, pulling them in as close as possible-

Within moments of being ‘attacked’, however, their ears were assaulted with the sound of a constant deep rumbling that shifted between purr, warble and low keen. The albino turian sounded damn near feral as he somehow managed to curl around them, simultaneously tucking their head under his chin and vigorously nuzzling and prodding around their face and neck with his own face- but even so, he still trembled heavily, mandibles flaring and fluttering with every sound he gave.

Every trill.

Every warble.

Everything with a twinge of guilt and care and heartbreak, every emotion that he could even think to let out, even if they didn't fully understand.

While it caught them off guard- to say the very least, quite honestly- it didn't quite stop their own flood of emotion. Even as they relaxed against him, listening to the sounds he made that he certainly would have never would have dared make around other turians for both of their sakes, their own body still trembled, and sobs still forced their way out from their throat-

The only time they faltered, however, was when their hand was nipped and shoved away from the back of their neck with a desperate trill, replaced by his mouth plates.

It made them freeze entirely, suddenly coughing in a fit when their sharp inhale interrupted a heavy sob. An arm went around their shoulders defensively as they coughed and wheezed, still pressed to his chest as his neck craned to stay pressed to theirs. Mandibles fluttered with hot breath against their skin, small nuzzles and nips against the scar that burned with low warbling as if performing a ritual to take the pain away.

Soon a hand was pressed to their face, and, as the coughs lessened, they felt themself lean into the touch almost immediately.

Soon they were able to move, and their arms shifted against his chest.

Soon they managed to twist and wrap their arms around him, gripping tightly onto the ridge of his carapace while allowing him to keep his own grip and touch.

Soon they were a tangle of limbs and noises, his ‘feralness’ only lessening a small amount as they relaxed, keeping his face at the back of their neck, now nipping and dragging his tongue along the scar as if trying to lick a wound clean.

Cams sobs lessened as well, the warmth and pressure against the back of their neck providing the smallest amount of relief for the pain. But they still shook their head slightly at one point, and he let out another low warble.

“I… I'm so… so sorry, Snow…” they repeated, their voice wavering. He trilled, pressing his mouth to their skin.

“Don't… Don't apologize…” he said, his own voice strained, even with the obvious thrum of sub-vocals loud enough for them to pick up on, “Don't ever apologize…”

It felt like another arrow through their chest.

They managed to press their face to his own neck, the warm leathery hide almost comforting- especially with the vibrating purrs from his chest and throat. He said nothing for a few moments, though his desire to was clear with small hiccups and choked pauses in the sounds and shifting of his jaw.

“... I'm sorry, my little fox…” he nearly whispered finally, his purrs almost deafening his voice comparatively. “For causing this… for tainting your mind so deeply it affects you even now, and…” he trailed off for a moment, though kept his face pressed against the back of their neck, his mouth moving against the scarred skin, “... And for giving you a reason to fear me still… A reason that causes so much pain so often.”

He fell silent once more, and their grip on him tightened. But a sudden small, warm prick of moisture hit the base of their neck, and they froze.

Was that-

“... If I could go back…” he strained, curling tighter around them, “I never would have hurt you.”

It made their chest lurch fully, and another wave of tears began to stream down their cheeks as his own slowly landed on their skin.

“... I know…” they whimpered, clinging to him tighter. “I know…”

Silence fell between them again, other than the semi-feral sounds Saren still made- and seemed to not have full control over now in attempts to calm them- and Cams still slowing sobs. Only after a few moments did either of them move, despite not wanting to, Cam managing to move a single arm out from around his shoulders. They instead reached up to press their hand against the back of his neck, fingers tracing the edges of the scarred plating in a near soothing motion- both for him and themself. They felt him shudder involuntarily, pressing his face closer to their skin. But he said nothing, allowing them whatever touch they pleased, so long as it kept them calm.

They took a wavering breath after a moment, though kept their eyes closed.

“... I don't want to sleep again tonight…” they managed, voice taught and even somewhat pained. He let out a small, warbling trill.

“You need rest…” he replied just as raggedly, and they shook their head.

“N-No… I… I don't…” they tested, muscles beginning to tremble once more- but the tighter hold he gave was enough to halt them quickly. Their grip on him tightened, shaking their head once more, a bit quicker this time.

“... I don't wanna see it again, Snow…” they finally whispered, and he froze. “... I don't… I don't wanna wake up like that again… I don't wanna see you as that… thing again tonight…”

His purring seemed to halt for a moment as they spoke, his jaw and mandibles shifting slightly as he thought.

“... If you do…” he started slowly, hugging them closer, “Know that I am here. It will not harm you, and neither will I.” He gave another nuzzle to the back of their neck. “Dreams are not reality, Shepard… Despite how real they may seem.”

He never was quite the best with words, always more ‘blunt’ in a manner of speaking, but it seemed to work well enough.

Their breath caught just slightly as he spoke, though the trembling of their muscles slowly diminished. They let out a shaky sigh within a few moments, slowly slumping forward against him entirely. They were tired… Far too tired to even attempt to argue…

But they also knew he was right.

Slowly their grip on him loosened, simply curling and cuddling in his arms

“... I hate when you’re right…” they mumbled, and he gave a gentle, trilling huff.

“I’m familiar with such… experiences.” he sighed, finally releasing his hold just slightly. “It is better to rest while you can... And in your case, we can only hope a second attempt will be more successful than the first.”

That made them snort, and finally they pulled away from him slowly- despite not wanting to.

“Yeah, I guess…” they said, moving their hand to wipe at their face. “It might be the only ‘second attempt’ I get…”

A gentle trill made them look at him again, and they relaxed more upon seeing the gentle light in his eyes as he watched them. A small flare of his mandibles and tilt of the head eased them more, and he huffed.

“‘Second chances’ seem to be a theme with you in quite a few scenarios, little fox, are they not…?” he questioned lightly, and they couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“You’d know best, wouldn’t you, Snow?”

A soft warble and purr was his only response, and Cam smiled fully. They looked at the pillows for a moment, a small wave of anxiety washing over them once more- but they shook it off just slightly, and took a breath.

“... Alright… Ok.” they sighed, slowly managing to scoot away from him and closer to their pillow. Not like they wanted to, but their eyelids felt heavy and, goddamnit, now they wanted him to hold them again.

They shifted slightly back into the covers where they had been before waking, though kept them pulled away slightly and looked at him. He met their gaze for a moment before looking at the sheets, and back to them. “... I assume I am joining you?” he said, a hint of amusement behind the purr in his voice. They huffed.

“Consider it an order, Arterius.” they said, settling in where they were. They paused for a moment. “... please.”

His brow plates shifted just slightly, but he soon gave a small, warbling chuckle.

“Understood, Commander.”

There was a small fluttering in their chest as he spoke, the comfort of the gentle banter just slightly overtaking the anxiety that still churned their stomach as he simply pushed himself entirely onto the bed and back next to them. But the anxiety as a whole still remained, even as they lay down. Even as his presence was now more calming as he shifted under the sheets next to them, silently holding out an arm for them to come to him- but they couldn’t help but hesitate still. Not because of him now, no- it was simply the anxiety of falling asleep again. Of the second chance at rest betraying them despite his help. But a questioning trill was all it took for them to bite down that anxiety and shift into his awaiting arms, cuddling to the warmth he offered, albeit small.

They cuddled to his chest, resting their face against the bone-like plating- there was still a small feel of softness to it, much to their continuously appearing delight each time- and wrapping an arm around his torso as he rested his chin against the top of their head and did the same. They were silent for a moment before a small thought occurred, and they tapped gently against the lower mid section of his carapace as if getting his attention.

“... Saren…?” they started quietly, and he gave a questioning hum.

“Hm…?”

“Permission to shoot you?”

They felt him shift, glancing up to see him look at them with mild bewilderment.

“What…???”

They tapped again.

“In the dream.” they said, and he just stared.

“... I will ask you to elaborate.” he said slowly, and they simply cuddled to him again.

“If I do dream about it again…” they mumbled, feeling his prosthetic arm shift around them to gently drag its talons along their back in a soothing motion. “Figured it might… help maybe to ask… I guess…”

He said nothing for a moment before giving another hum, this time with a purr.

“So perhaps your subconscious self knows it is alright to do so, should you find the strength?” he said simply, and they nodded.

“Something like that, yeah…”

He seemed to think, though eventually set his chin back where it was.

“Yes.”

They couldn’t help but smile.

“That was fast…”

“I would prefer you shoot me again anyway should something like that happen again, may the spirits forbid it.”

His voice was quiet, but they hugged him tighter.

“... It won’t.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

A low, rumbling purr started in his chest at that, and his own body relaxed more than they thought it could have. There was relative silence otherwise for a few moments, and he tapped the back of their neck gently.

“... perhaps we will think of a way to ease this pain of yours tomorrow.” he said quietly, and it was their turn to hum.

“I’ll take just about anything you can throw at me…” they said. He tapped again.

“I may have a few ideas.” he said, going silent for a moment again before he let out a deep, purring sigh. “... get some sleep, little fox.”

They let themself relax, finally allowing the hint of exhaustion to take hold. They focused on the rumbling purrs and the somewhat muffled sound of a heartbeat in their ear.

“You got it, Snow…”

[wulvercazz]

Thinking about dancer Grimmjow a lot🫢💦 and maybe artist Ichigo 🥺💕

Ichigo who’s always looking for inspiration, always a sketchbook and some sort of graphite or pen on hand; drawing strangers is great practice after all.

Him sitting outside a dance studio, perhaps? 👀 idk yet exactly what kind of dancer, but I imagine Grimmjow would do something that requires a lot of elasticity and movement. He’s the type that knows a bit of everything but likes stuff that occupies his whole body and honestly enjoys using new alt music most, like contemporary dance, something that feels almost like gymnastics to him.

Ichigo goes there regularly, he finds dancers of any kind are great for dynamic drawings, and one of the younger students’ teachers there knows him and knows he’s not some sort of creep; he’ll even show her at times the drawings he’s made of her choreographies. Yoruichi just loves to look at herself, he’s sure.

But the studio doesn’t just host children and teens’ dance classes; older, more experienced dancers go there to work and practice and meet-up for future projects (he’s come to learn, on the times Yoru spooks him away from having his nose buried between paper and pen).

It’s always great when new dancers come in, all with different dance styles, approaches to the art, different faces and even body types.

Then he comes along. Aggressive in his art, but somehow careful, graceful like a feline, sure of himself and his skills. Shoots a cold look his way the first time he sees him, Ichigo’s almost ashamed of the little crush that flourishes from the way this man so easily puts him down with his eyes.

Maybe not right away, but he can’t deny that very look chases him even now. Sketching away on a farther bench than usual in case the guy with the blue hair and the jaguar tattoo sees him drawing him, again.

Nothing inherently wrong with it— mind you, he’s still not being a creep. The guy hasn’t asked him to stop, hasn’t said much at all actually; brushed off his stuttered apology and only winked his way when asked if he should stop.

But god forbid he ever give Grimmjow fucking Jaegerjaquez the satisfaction of catching him sketching the perfect curve of his spine with the eyes of a maniac, again. Looming over him with a predatory grin and an accusatory, amused, look that knew —Ichigo knows he knew— exactly how many times he’d practiced that stupid curve.

also I’m headcanoning Grimmjow as mexican/german, bc I can✨ mexican mom and german dad, so he is fluent in spanish, german and english and totally speaks with a jumble of all three when he’s in comfortable company, def think he lived most of his life in mexico tho bc yes,,, also maybe sibling Nelliel??? yes🥹??? Not mentioned either but I’m thinking this is Ichigo studying at an art school abroad too 🤔✨

none of this is super important to the au bc I’m just here to throw my obsession with drawing Grimm’s pretty body at Ichigo lmaooo but ,, ye spanish-speaking grimmjow and *uwu twirls hair, draws your pretty butt as flirting* Ichigo lmaoo💕

also ofc they end up fucking, bc it’s me ofc they do— and maybe there’s a moment when Ichigo’s fckn balls deep and the mofo’s like— ‘wait don’t move- can I draw your cock?’ *is already manifesting a sketchbook* Grimmjow is horrified, but also flattered,,, and apparently not even that can make his dick go limp for the red-head so… fine he can draw his cock while he’s just there splayed half on his lap, half on the bed, and fully on his stupid dick.

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

[rzyraffek]

Hi hi!! I’m here to request something with my bbg Vincent Sinclair! your thingy doesn’t exactly specify which slashers, so I think I’ll ask for Vincent and Michael Myers just so u have an idea u can write abt if you don’t know the other!!

Okay okay, so what about a reader with a bad attitude? So for Vince, I would assume that their relationship starts with the reader defending Vincent from Bo. Like, Bo just starts calling Vincent names (like the mean truck man he is >:[) and Vincent is just taking it, then the reader steps between the two twins and just starts BURNING Bo with every insult they have.

“Oh, he’s the freak? Well at least he knows how to keep his mouth shut and isn’t asking everyone with a *female anatomy* to *adult fun* every ten seconds.” or something vicious like that-

and Vincent is just dumbfounded that someone has the balls to speak up against Bo.

and for Michael, same thing, but the reader is just being so mean when he starts chasing them! Like, they try to hide behind a door and they make sure that Michael saw them, so when he opens the door, the reader just flips him off and kicks him away from the door really harshly-

or, just being really really hard to catch. Like if they climb somewhere high and he can’t get to them, the reader just sticks their tongue out and flips him off again with the snarkiest attitude!!

anyways, that’s all I gots for now! Feel free to ignore this lol, but if you don’t directly respond to this ask but do use the idea, I ask that u credit me!

u look lovely today, and I hope u have an amazing night/evening/morning/day!

<3

First of all, for some reason I got no notification that somone requested anything and I have no clue how long it was sitting in my inbox. Second of all thats great idea cuz in most of fics reader is always very meow meow shy uwu bebi, which is sometimes annoying tbh, they should be rude sometimes. Requests open

Slashers with badass s/o

Vincen Sinclair

Bros used to this kind of treatment, name calling, mean words, yelling ect

This relationship started by s/o just simply asking Vincent if he's alright after Bo yelled at him

Any kind of affection makes him blush like teenager girl after watching twilight for first time

In his free time he will just hold s/o hand and walk behind them like lost puppy

Imagine: "yo vinc get over here you lazy ass" vincent:😰🏃 "well BO maybe if you stopped acting like such drama queen and get rid of this nasty ass attitude then MAYBE people will start helping you without fear of losing a limb or sanity?" 🧍🧍‍♂️

Tbh the only reason that Bo didn't commit murder on s/o is that vincent is actually very happy now and even that Bo is a horrible human being he doenst want his bro completely emo

Lack of ideas so im just going to put some mean words to Bo here

"Dont worry vincent, hes just jealous cuz he cant hold conversation with women for more than 4seconds without scaring them to death. litteraly"

"Aw baby dont be sad, just compare your hair routine with his. Im surprised hes not bald to be honest"

Live laugh love Vincent

"Nonono dont be upset, how about we draw together huh? Can you go pass me crayons from your workplace😇i totaly wont whoop your brother while you are away"

If s/o is just rude to Bo face, Vincent will be so so happy that they protect him but so so worried that s/o is about to evaporate due to Bo anger issues

"You calling him a freak? Better look who has stable relationship and lack of anger issues L bozo"

Also now Vince is 24/7 with her bcs not only shes great, protects him and provides comfort🥰

Micheal Myers

"AHAHAH looozer can't climb the ladder? Yo old as hell man go to retirement home"

S/o calling him granma to bully him

"Yo man stop begin such stalker or im going go call yo sister (in some versions laurie is his sister if u dont agree just ignore this part lol) and she gonna beat you up

Micheal spawning behind her, inside her house:🧍 "😨 yo sup Myers wacha got there? A a knife? Eee cool cool"🏃

"If you have such blood-lust go kill rats in my basement they keep stealing my food"

🧍 Myers emoji

Im sorry if its unfunny or boring I watched house of wax when it came out so like long time ago and I kinda forgor vincent and bo personalities. And Myers personality is basicly 🧑‍🦯old man

[guerrastrife]

I'm not very good at drawing but I tried my best

Changes info

1- in my opinion, Jahla should be way bigger than Marduk and honestly all Home cast. Also I don't understand why she looks so "uwu?? I'm so cute" when she should feel hostile towards him. Also pleaseee Kique use more bubble speech designs!!!

2- Marduk looks fine here but the bubble speech are again boring. Just add some sparkles idk

3- Jahla is not bad here but why the fuck Kique never makes their characters growls?? Why their snouts aren't showing they're angry or feeling hostiles??

4- broken nose. Broken face. Jahla looks horrible here and there's no impact at Marduk's sexualization AFTER JAHLA BEING ANGRY AT HER TALK WITH HER MOTHER ABOUT ROHGIR. Why she's not in shock at Marduk's horrible words??? And why she can't laugh in a realistic and good-looking way!?? XDD

5- this pannel is good but still Jahla should looks bigger

6- this face... it's a nightmare. Just what the hell. What the hell Jahla, you're traumatizing Marduk but not in the way you expected. How Kique when in Asmundr drew Ranulfr a lot of time looking scary can't do it again with his daugther. Just what the hell with that horrible face?? And the bubble speech??? It doesn't sound like a threat at all!!!! It's boring, like a normal conversation between two coworkers xD

7- WHY MARDUK IS NOT TREMBLING?? WHY HE'S NOT AFRAID?? IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO THIS GUY ADDING NATURAL INSTINCT TO THESE DOGS???