#I should be doing my coursework what the actual heck

[staticnonapus]

Bayverse grimlock is so big

[selfwriting-sugarquills]

70 Fred Weasley headcanons in celebration of 700 followers:

(plus an extra one, for the heck of it lmao) 

You guys, thank you so much for 700 followers! I appreciate every single one of you and writing for the twins has been such a blast so far, much to the thanks of all of you <3 

Find the 70 George Headcanons: Here

Fred has always been really good at sleight of hand stuff, as a kid, he could do card tricks with ease, steal baked goods from his mother’s kitchen and later on since his allowance wasn’t exactly anything to brag about, he’d steal sweets from honeydukes' on Hogsmeade trips, with the help of George, he’s not proud of it but in his defence, he was a stupid teenage boy at the time. 

Fred is incredibly competitive and will hold onto anything you challenge him to for way longer than you might think. He’s definitely the type to “race you” anytime you’re headed to herbology, care against magical creatures or Hogsmeade together.

As the man himself said in the deathly hallows, Fred doesn’t like the idea of a big grandiose wedding ceremony, he’d prefer something more low-key and simple, where the focus is more on having fun and celebrating instead of neat seating plans and meticulously chosen decorations. Some flowers and booze will do, he’ll provide the fireworks - In essence, he only needs his S/O and the rest he couldn’t care less about. 

George may be better at cooking, but Fred makes a damn good pancake and he will forever pride himself on that. 

Fred is the more jealous, overprotective twin. He’s aware of this and tries his best not to let it go to his head but he can’t help it. 

Fred snores, I’m pretty sure it’s canon that both twins snore, but Fred is louder and, as mentioned in my last headcanon post, a very heavy sleeper meaning it’s more difficult to get him to wake up so he can stop, your best shot is trying (and probably failing) to turn him over. 

Fred is also a very restless sleeper, he’ll toss and turn, and occasionally dream about quidditch. I’m saying you might want to be aware that he might confuse you for a bludger in his sleep, don’t worry though, he’ll always apologise profusely and make it up to you with a lot of kisses (and maybe a bit more than that, if you’re keen ;)) 

Fred has an extensive caffeine addiction, which is unfortunate cause he’s quite hyper already but he can’t function properly until he gets his coffee in the morning, and then again in between lessons/at lunch and then again late in the afternoon. Sometimes, if he needed to write an essay that was due, he’d drink coffee at like nine pm. He knows he won’t be able to sleep because of it, please, Y/n, he’s accepted his fate. 

I personally always imagined the twins as having ADHD, idk why it just fits their characters. Fred is for sure the more outwardly fidgety and intrusive, this gets less and less with age, as it does for a lot of ADHD people, his inability to focus remains the same though. 

Fred loves being outside, he’s the first of the Weasley siblings to suggest a game of quidditch or just going outside for walks, hide and seek in the woods near their house. He absolutely loves taking his dates on walks in parks or at the beach and when he has kids he plays with them in their yard, building snowmen etc. 

Fred probably suggests at some point that the whole family should go camping, and he’s actually really fun to camp with. He’ll tell the best scary stories by the campfire. 

In regards to children, Fred wants a lot of kids. Like at least three but would be willing to have more if his s/o wants to. He just really likes the dynamic of a large family since that’s what he’s used to. 

Fred’s favourite flavour of sweets is anything sour, the sourer the better, because of this he can handle it really well and he loves handing people some of his ridiculously sour candy and watching them squirm. 

He also really likes spicy food, he’s a bit of a daredevil so don’t challenge him to eat anything because he will eat a whole chilli and nearly die. 

 You know he’d be really casual about it too, lol, like sweating and crying but just leaning on the counter like “*pant* what? hot? no not at all *deeeeep breath* I can ha-aw-rdly taste it!” 

One thing about Fred is that he’s oddly squeamish, like seeing his brother’s ear blown off isn’t so bad (if you don’t take into account the emotional trauma that is), but a needle for a blood sample or a vaccine? oooh, he’s gonna need a big juice box and a cookie and his s/o’s hand to hold if he’s gonna make it through. He also has a thing about leeches. One time at Hogwarts they were mentioned in a lesson and he thought he was going to faint the entire time. 

Fred’s broken five bones over the years, four are from quidditch: his left arm and two ribs, and then the other arm from trying to do an elaborate stunt on the stairs in the burrow and falling down two flights. 

Fred loves to sing karaoke (because I cannot get that damn clip of James singing karaoke out of my head) though he particularly enjoys doing a very poor job on purpose. 

Fred is such a good liar that on several occasions he’s given presentations in school and gotten good marks for them despite having bullshat his way through the entire thing. 

Like seriously, he’s that guy in the group project who only looks at the slides like five minutes before the presentation and then just turns on a full charming newscaster voice on the professor to the point of them being genuinely convinced (albeit a little confused) that what Fred’s saying is true. 

This is also why Fred loves playing card games like poker: he’s really good at bluffing. 

Speaking of poker-face, he’s really quite good at teasing in public (if you’re into that sort of thing *wink*) because no matter the dirty deeds he might get up to under a table, his face remains as regular as always (safe for a little smirk to his lover every now and then) 

Fred always wanted to learn an instrument, he thought it’d make him cooler when he was a teenager, as an adult, he just really wants to recreate that clip of the trombone-playing dad with the sunglasses, or maybe serenade some cows with jazz or something. 

Fred was never a big fan of the uniform thing, so he always tried to make it his own, whether that be tying the tie differently, or having his sleeves rolled up; it’s not much but you gotta take what you can get when you’re literally dressed the same as everyone else. 

Fred might make fun of his dad’s interest in muggle things but secretly he loves it too. He has spent a lot of hours in the shed with Arthur, assuring everyone that it was just to have some quality time with his dad but he would still pay close attention when Arthur explained things to him. 

Fred had a whole business of selling candy from Honeydukes’ and joke products from Zonko’s to second and first years before he and George started dabbling with their own products, he could get you a butterbeer too but it’ll cost you an extra three galleons. 

Fred really likes glitter, George has a thing for lace, anything that glitters on his s/o makes Fred weak. If you want to get your way just put on some glittery eyeshadow or lipgloss and watch him spin. 

Since he loves things that glitter and gleam he loves buying his s/o jewellery, he loves seeing them wearing them as little tokens of their relationship. 

Did someone say slight possession kink? oops not me

Fred is incredible with numbers, this is pretty much canon and has been explored but I’m just amazed at this boy’s wit AND intellect. I have a slight headcanon that if he ever goes on a proper first date with someone where a bill is involved, he impresses his date by calculating the tip after just a glance.

Even if Fred has a longstanding reputation of not caring about school, when he has kids he does want to help them with any coursework over the summer and Christmas breaks, he’ll even study up on his old books just to be able to help out in any classes he didn’t take/didn’t pay attention in. 

Fred would, in general, be an amazing father. He’s goofy and playful most of the time, though he’s serious and incredibly caring whenever his kids are in a bad mood or have problems. He knows that he’s not the most outwardly emotional of the twins but he makes sure his kids know they can always talk to him about anything. 

Fred is incredibly messy. His room is usually a cry for help and he only cleans it when it gets to the point where it distracts him from focusing on work. 

No worries though, his S/O doesn’t have to do all the housework for him, he’ll do it. He just needs to be reminded that he needs to every once in a while. 

Fred has a really bad temper, he doesn’t know where he gets it from but he tends to get angry easier than George, though Fred is better at letting it out so it doesn’t continue to bother him. 

His bad temper does mean that he used to brawl more with siblings as a kid, and it wasn’t unusual to see him with scrapes and bruises as a kid, much to Molly’s dismay. Fred didn’t mind though, he thought it made him look tough. 

Fred is more likely to get caught sneaking around because of his brash nature, he tends to forget just how quiet you have to be to avoid Mrs Norris in the corridors. 

Fred is certainly not an early bird but his favourite time of day is, in fact, the morning when the sun’s coming up. He only knows this because of Wood’s ridiculously early quidditch practices but there’s something about the way the world looks when it’s bathed in soft golden light that just hits different to Fred. 

Fred is a great team player, as much as he seems like he’s more selfish than George, if it’s regarding a team activity (like quidditch or a battle of sorts) he’ll completely lose all focus on himself and only try to ensure other’s safety and victory. This is also why he plays as a beater, he’s not afraid of getting hit at all when he’s focused on getting the bludgers away from his teammates. 

So if his s/o ever needs it, he’ll be there to help with anything: Needs to take a day off from work to take care of his sick s/o? no problem. Needs to stay up with his small child because his s/o is exhausted and needs rest? On it. Something as small as carrying groceries or books, making a cup of tea when the other is busy or doing the dishes is all on the list of things that Fred will happily do for his s/o, and often without having to be asked, he’ll just do it. 

Fred’s boggart is seeing his family members and/or his s/o hurt beyond what he can save. Essentially his worst fear is being helpless when he needs it most. 

One of those times was when George lost his ear. The first night when George was lying practically unconscious on the couch with blood everywhere was the worst night of Fred’s life, he truly felt so anxious and helpless and angry that he vomited and ended up passing out next to the couch after staying up till sunrise watching his brother like a hawk. 

He didn’t just sleepwalk when he was younger, he also often experienced nightmares, it’s only George, Molly and Arthur who remembers anything about this. 

They got less and less the older he got and he assumed that he’d never be bothered by them again until after the second wizarding war and the battle of Hogwarts. 

I don’t like to headcanon that he dies cause he didn’t and that’s final lol. I do, however, headcanon that Fred still gets hurt, since everyone in the explosion beside him seemed to sustain minor injuries, I just think that to even out with George losing his ear, he hurts his leg and needs a lot of retraining/a walking stick. I think that’d be a more fair/unfair ending for Fred who’s always full of energy having to have to adjust to living slowly for a little while (not permanently, I couldn’t do that to my boy). 

The boy has anxiety sometimes, ok. (just let me project for a second)

He didn’t know how much tension he usually holds in his body until he drank alcohol for the first time and felt his entire body loosen up and was like “huh this is new.” 

He doesn’t use alcohol to deal with it though, he prefers just talking to George about whenever he feels is stressing him out and that helps. A massage from his s/o to loosen him up doesn’t hurt either. 

Fred prefers to talk to his dad about his problems more than he prefers to talk to Molly, generally. 

His favourite body parts on his s/o: Shoulders, hips, hands. 

He loves to kiss, just in general, but he also loves kissing his s/o’s nose, forehead, neck, shoulder, etc. as little gestures of affection. 

He def. has a bit of a size kink, he loves being taller than his s/o. 

If Fred could have any pet he wanted, he’d probably want a dog, the bigger the better. He doesn’t think he has the time for a pet though. 

It was his idea to start breeding pygmy puffs, it’s the closest he’ll get to having a pet. 

I don’t know why but I feel like when Fred and his s/o are expecting and his s/o goes into labour he just panics. loses it, drops the binkie as we say in Denmark: Freaks the fuck out, if you will. He’s definitely the pacing and wringing his hands together type, though he probably tries his best to keep himself composed and chill during the whole thing whilst simultaneously hyperventilating. 

Fred doesn’t cry often but he sure as hell wept with pride when he held all his kids for the first time. 

Despite the notion that the twins often slip in a joke version of a sweet treat or something similar amongst the snacks at parties, Fred is strongly against tampering with drinks. He knows the connotations it holds and he doesn’t want anyone to be afraid they’d put something in it. If he wants you to test out their truth serum or a love potion, he’ll just ask you flat out and if you don’t want to, he’s not going to continue asking. 

Most of the detentions Fred has gotten from Snape come from times he’s spoken back to him when Snape’s been giving another student a rough time. He doesn’t regret it one bit. 

 If you ask Fred what his proudest accomplishment is, he’ll probably say that it’s having had enough restraint to not punch Umbridge in the face every time he saw her. 

On the note of Umbridge. It wasn’t her detentions with him that got his blood boiling, it was when she punished little kids (a la Nigel) for doing practically nothing, he understands that to an extent and by comparison, setting off a bunch of fireworks inside a building would harbour a harsher punishment, but making twelve-year-olds bleed for running in the halls or playing music or just doing things that twelve-year-olds will inevitably do, is something Fred doesn’t understand. That year pretty much any kid younger than him, or anyone who was too afraid to stand up for themselves, became Fred and George’s little siblings, and they’re very protective older brothers. Umbridge can vouch for that. 

He struggles with a lot of insecurity in his relationships, he always puts on a front of being extra funny and outgoing when he’s in a new relationship because he’s secretly afraid that the way he is isn’t good enough and that eventually, his s/o will see through him and leave because they don’t like the softer, more serious side of him. 

Fred is the godfather of all of George’s kids but is also the godparent of Hugo, Lily and Lucy. 

Fred loves business meetings, he sees them as a good challenge to practice his smooth talk. 

Fred spent his first salary from the shop on the most expensive bottle of champagne he could find and a new suit. 

Fred tried to get into whiskey, feeling like it’d make him a cool business owner type of man, so, with his second salary, he went out and bought a fancy-schmancy bottle of whiskey and the whole getup with a bottle and some cool glasses, and then invited Lee over to try it with him and George. 

They did not like it. Fred thought it tasted like what he imagined gasoline tastes like so they mostly used it as decorations, not having the heart to mix it with something. 

Fred doesn’t necessarily like PDA, it depends on what you mean. He likes being secretive. Pulling his s/o into an empty classroom, nook, hallway, secret pathway etc where anyone could wander in at any time and snogging her senseless is one of his favourite things to do. 

Fred knows how good he looks in his quidditch uniform and will absolutely use it against his s/o. (they’re gonna get spicy from here on so read with caution if you're in public)

Fred prefers giving more than receiving oral. 

He has a lot of energy, did you not think that would rub off (no pun intended) on his sex drive? He can go pretty much any time and place, and typically last at least two rounds. 

Also, his favourite position is having you on top. Okay, I'm gonna stop now. 

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Hi, I was reading your writers commentary. I love it so much! Do you have any commentary on "Shadows and Terror"? Its my personal favorite. I'd also love to see some commentary on your lovely sugarbuns fic.

Ah, thank you! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I'm still drowning in coursework and stuff, but I appreciate the ask!

This was my first oneshot I wrote for this fandom, Ted centric this time! I just wanted to see the characters acknowledge their trauma a bit more, so I wrote this for Ted and Pancho. Enjoy the commentary!

.............

*One jab after another at his skin with that sharp spear... water suddenly burst from every wall and flooded them and-*

Ted's nightmare was a mash up of his various scary experiences from Exiled, because of course I couldn't just pick one! He was scared while fighting the war, combined with the loneliness and terror of being cooped up in the submarine, thinking he was trapped alone with a monster. As well as the sub sinking, that couldn't have been fun for him.

This takes place some time after the victory party, but slightly before the first episode of season 5. Just enough time to put some distance between the adrenaline of the war and the partying, and allow the weight of the experience to truly catch up with Ted.

*his eyes wide in terror. He frantically looked this way and that, checking the shadows around the room*

The title of the fic is incooperated in this paragraph, but it actually took me a super long time to pick a title. I eventually re-read some sections and thought, yeah this sounds good. Shadows and Terror still sounds a little fancy for this work tbh.

*looked up to see Dorothy standing about him*

I decided not to being Ted and Dorothy's marital problems into this, so they're very sweet with each other and they both care a lot.

(Also instead of about it's meant to say above, argh, embarrassing typo!)

*She quickly released him, seeing how jumpy he was*

Dorothy doesn't quite know what's going on with Ted, but she's trying to be supportive the best way she can.

*it reminded him of those long nights in the submarine when Julien*

Ted's train of thought runs away with him here, he's still half caught up in the dream poor guy, and suddenly he's having a flashback to the sub.

*Pancho was whining about their whining*

I can see Pancho just getting very fed up with consistent negativity when he's trying to focus on driving the sub, even if he too is just concerned about the kingdom. I wrote this fic before I started shipping panchulien actually, the early days.

*Ted had just quietly sat down in the corner of the room,*

Poor Ted, I imagine he definitely wasn't complaining as much as the others, he had been alone on the sub for longer than them and just needed a hug.

*All he could hear now was his own breathing, short and panting, and Dorothy, oh heck, she was talking*

Ted zones back to reality, the fic is written from his POV so you can read along his thought process. As he comes back to reality, realising Dorothy is talking completely throws him off guard.

*I just... I guess I'm still jumpy from the whole mountain lemur, submarine fiasco."*

Ted sort of dances around the issue, he doesn't even want to directly mention the word 'war'. He only hints at the things that are scaring him to try and keep Dorothy's worry to a minimum, and because talking about it will make it even more real.

*rubbed the fur on his head, something which he often found soothing*

These lemurs need to groom each other more!!! I get the feeling Ted and Dorothy might like physical contact if one of them is upset (not if they're upset because of each other obviously), but grooming would be a comfort to many of the lemurs, especially physically affectionate Ted.

*tried to force himself to relax*

Poor leem, he just wants the scary stuff to be over so he can be alright and be sunny old Ted again, but unfortunately for him, things aren"t that simple.

*his tail stiffening like it did under imposed threat. He even heard a low growl being forced from his throat*

I'm not sure if I actually researched if lemurs do this, or if I made it up on the spot, but it seems like something they might do when threatened (any experts want to weigh in?).

*She could tell Ted was still tense from the way he was clutching his tail. "Look, maybe you should see Doctor S?"*

As much as Ted tries to hide it, Dorothy can tell something is wrong. Despite their problems, it's obvious that she cares very deeply for him and she just wants to see him be himself again.

*Yep!" Ted tried to sound as merry as he wanted to feel.*

Ted is definitley the sort to try and put on a facade of everything being okay, especially when Dorothy is involved. Secretly he knows it can't be like this forever, but he wants to pretend for as long as he can. Kind of like his marriage. That's also why he wants to be away from Dorothy. He knows she can see right through his little facade and he's not ready to face the truth yet.

*"At this time of night?"*

This takes place at around two in the morning, late enough for Ted, Dorothy and most of the kingdom's subjects to be asleep, but still early enough for Pancho Horst and Willie to still be partying.

*Ted couldn't help but clutch at his tail as he walked....bit his lip as he tuned into the sounds of the jungle all around him.*

Ted would totally hold his tail like a snuggie to comfort himself. And since he's already jumping at shadows, being alone in a place where the war was just fought would terrify him. Even though he's lived in the jungle all his life, the war has left him so wary of danger that everything feels very scary and unfamiliar.

*Snoring lemurs who weren't paralysed in fear by nightmares and memories.*

Ted feels a little left out and jealous as the rest of the kingdom is able to sleep and move on from the war. It makes him feel isolated, which is why finding solace with Pancho is important for him later in the fic.

*Sweet mango juice, what was he thinking*

I tried to copy Ted's exclamative speaking style here, but it doesn't quite match up to how it sounds in the show. Oop.

*sign that read 'MANGO TANGO'*

Fun fact, I tried to get the bar's title to be in italics, but a03 glitches on me and turned the entire text into italics, and because coding is a nightmare and I just decided to have it in caps instead.

*Ted recognised Horst, Willie and Pancho.*

These guys are drinking buddies. CANNON!

*"The stinking drink's in your hand, you buffoon!" Pancho said grumpily*

I'm not 100% happy with the way Pancho is written here, but it is pretty good for a first attempt. It kind of makes sense though, Pancho was having a good time with his pals and is a little annoyed that their night has to end. Also he's annoyed at himself for letting Horst get into this state.

*Pancho winked at him*

Small hint at panched in there, it was my first ship for this show and I still think it's neat.

*which he promptly collapsed onto seconds later.*

Poor Willie, he's just very done now, and needs sleep. Pancho just didn't want their partying to end, so he unwittingly wore his homies down on their night out.

*"You wanna come back to the Mango Tango with me?"*

Pancho is still very desperate to keep the night going, even if it isn't with his drinking buddies. He just needs company.

*Pancho released Ted almost immediately. "Sorry, I just, don't want to be alone." Pancho muttered, looking embarrassed.

Ted was a little surprised by his outburst, but deep down, he knew he might have done the same thing.*

Ah, poor babies. I thrive off the angst.

*exited Willie's hut and shut the door behind them.*

Courtesy.

*Together, they climbed*

Ted and Pancho sort of have a kindred spirit vibe going here. They're both going through similar experiences and avoiding them by being out at night. They need each other, even if they don't know it.

*tall tree that had many different people's huts in it*

Baobab tree? Is that what you were going for, past me?

*Pancho chuckled as he continued to stare out across the jungle. "I'm not sure if I ever went to lemur school." He said eventually.*

Now that they're up above the village and everything, Pancho's beginning to slow down and their conversations become more meaningful. He's put some distance between his late night drinking and now he just wants some solidarity in his pain and meaningful company, which, thankfully, Ted can give.

*he really didn't know much about Pancho's side of things.*

I have to wonder what the POV of people who weren't directly involved in Panchurian would be. I think Ted would probably be quite confused about what happened to Pancho, and why he suddenly has a house now and everything. But hes too polite to ask, so it's only now he finds out.

*Ted sighed and glanced up at Pancho*

Ted sort of looks up to Pancho after seeing how brave and badass he was in Exiled, and he's always veiwed Pancho as this macho, confident swagger guy, and hopes that he might be a source of consolation that could help Ted feel 'normal' again.

*"but even when that something's over and you know it's never going to hurt you again you just can't help being terrified"*

All this would definitley resonate with Pancho and the first thing he does is to encourage Ted to do what's best for him because he cares. He doesn't want Ted to end up like him because of trauma.

*"Don't apologise." He said. Ted glanced back at him. "It's, uh, it's alright to get scared by that stuff"*

Pancho shows Ted that it's okay to be scared, because if Ted continues to bottle up his feelings then he won't be Ted anymore.

*"You know I got brainwashed, right?"*

Poor Panchy just wants to open up to someone. He's been shoving his feelings down, but now it's all coming to the surface because of how he relates to Ted right now. He needs some more chances to talk about the things that haunt him.

*"Soft!" Ted exclaimed, hands on his hips.*

Ted was a little hung up on being a 'tough guy' after Exiled, so that shows through here.

*"And I'm assistant captain of the ringtail guard!"*

This little rant feels very in character for Ted. I enjoyed writing it.

*"but I just can't bring myself to pay them a wedding visit!"*

A wedding visit was a custom in the olden days of England, and I can absolutely see Ted doing it and bringing the newly weds gifts.

*leaned back against the branch they were sitting on.*

At the beginning of this scene, Pancho was clutching the tree trunk, now he's relaxed. He's feeling more comfortable with Ted.

*"Why don't you talk to your wife, she'll help."*

Helps to establish a functioning support system. Pancho knows Ted has people he can turn to, so encourages him to do so.

I am completely all for this friendship. Ted would help Pancho with his issues without hesitation, and obviously I wrote this with the idea that nobody would be completely okay after Exiled. I just wanted to explore their issues further, and for my first fic in this fandom, I think it's pretty good.

...............

And that's it! Thanks again for the ask :)

[smolbeandrabbles]

The Next Best Australian Record - Harold x Reader (Adore)

GIF CREDIT: X Cruel Summer / Magnets 

Author’s Note: I like blaming my fics on peoples influences - this one is totally on @mendelskrull - no take backs!! 😉😉

@sufferthesea thank you for staying with this series, 2 & 3 wouldn’t have happened without your support and, of course, this song is yours 😊 Lana Del Ray - The Next Best American Record

Disclaimer: Adore characters and plot not mine / once again I’ve made it far more convoluted! / gifs not mine / lyrics not mine

Premise: Now you’re back at University you can both let this affair breathe. But what happens when Harold returns home for the weekend, does what happens in Sydney stay in Sydney?

Words: 5054

Warnings: sexual connotations / small swears / May-December Romance / Student-Teacher Relationship

_______ My baby used to dance underneath my architecture To the Houses of the Holy, smokin' on them cigarettes My baby used to dance underneath my architecture He was cool as heck He was cool as heck

My baby used to dance underneath my architecture He was '70s in spirit, '90s in his frame of mind My baby used to dance underneath my architecture We lost track of space We lost track of time And we were so obsessed with writing the next best American record That we gave all we had 'til the time we got to bed 'Cause we knew we could We were so obsessed with writing the next best American record 'Cause we were just that good It was just that good Whatever's on tonight, I just wanna party with you Topanga's hot tonight, I'm taking off my bathing suit You made me feel like there's something that I never knew I wanted It's you, all the roads lead to you Everything I want and do, all the things that I say It's true, all the roads lead to you Like the 405 I drive through Every night and every day I see you for who you really are ---

Three weeks had passed by exceedingly slow, although you really had managed to get going on your work with no outside distractions. Your friends had thrown one last beach party before you all packed up and headed off, but drinking only led to yearning – so it made you pretty relieved that you had no number to shamelessly drunk text. The university friends you’d been keeping in touch with over the break we’re all itching see each other again, and you couldn’t wait to return to the house you’d been renting together and class, at least some of you we restless for classes to begin. You most of all, for obvious reasons. It would be so great to be with all of them again and gain a little more of your independence. The only real adult influence in your life would be your… uhm… Well, that was the thing, you didn’t exactly know what you were supposed to call him. So you would hold that thought. Your schedule came through and you were already desperate to get back in the classroom and see Harold again. Part of you wanted to email him as soon as you reached Sydney, but you knew it was best to settle in and figure it all out before you resumed seeing him. Besides, it was going to be much more dangerous for him out there. Sure, if you’d been caught here there’d be a lot of questions and falling out; not that you didn’t think you wouldn’t be spiteful enough to call out his wife and her friend, and drag everyone down with you… but in Sydney he was your lecturer. (Not that he wasn’t at home, but, family friends was a different twist to taking advantage of a student). You knew you’d have to be careful, the last thing you would want was to be responsible for ruining his career… or his life. With your car packed up, you were finally saying goodbye to your parents before you started your long drive. You’d planned out all your breaks and setting off this time of day meant you’d make it in plenty of time and daylight. But they were still trying to check on your schedule, telling you to call them at your break points so they knew where you were and how you were doing. Hugging you and asking you to be careful on the roads, as if you hadn’t done this 200 times before. If you had to say ‘I’ll be fine, I promise!’ one more time you’d likely go insane. What you didn’t expect was to find someone else appear in your driveway to see you off. And he certainly wasn’t someone you would consider a friend. Despite still seeing his father around, you hadn’t actually seen much of Tom since you’d broken up. And even your parents were shocked to see him standing there. “…H…Hey…” You walked over, eyebrow raised, “What’s up?” It was strange to say that you felt a little guilty – had you always been leading him on? Was there ever a time you actually wanted the guy standing in front of you? You couldn’t think like that, not really. Tom was good to you, and you had enjoyed your relationship. Not sorry it was over, but for the way you’d let it end. Plus, if you really thought on it – this man had started it. You’d found out he was cheating on you before you’d so much as touched Harold. “Nothing.” Then he shrugged, “No, maybe that’s a lie. I… I just wanted to say goodbye before you went off to Sydney.” Tom couldn’t quite meet your eyes as he spoke; “I guess I didn’t want to leave things bad between us, y’know? Before you left.” “Oh-!” You could count yourself as surprised, “I… guess I understand that.” “Yeah.” He laughed, “I also wanted to wish you good luck, with your next year.” “Thank you.” You smiled gently, “That’s sweet, you don’t have to.” “So… can we… at least be cool with each other?” You laughed, “I guess.” There was a few moments awkward silence before he cleared his throat, not satisfied to end with that; “How’s the guy working out?” You hoped you had as good a poker face as you thought you did; “Yeah, good.” “Will you see much of him now?” “A little...” You quickly changed subject before he got too deep into the detail; “How’s, uh, how’s the girl... working out?” “Good.... yeah. No, uh, no complaints.” “Good…” You nodded too. And the awkwardness set in again, before he reached out to hug you – and you found yourself in maybe the most awkward ‘exes’ hug in the entire world. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have-” “Tom it’s okay. Honestly. What happened happened. We’re probably… better off with who we’re with now.” “I guess.” He let you go and you stepped back, with a smile “Take care of yourself. Maybe when I’m back we can catch up!” Although you weren’t sure how serious you were, maybe you’d stop by for his father and just casually catch up with him. Tom’d never know. You waved each other off again and you watched him walk away, with at least a smile that clearing the air really might have been a good idea. It was done; it’d make tension at that house a little lower if you did ever turn up for any reason. “Oh!” He turned, walking backwards down the hill, “Say hi to my dad for me!!” You couldn’t help your smirk, it just appeared instantly, “Oh, I will!”  Though you’d be doing a lot more than that. *** For the first few weeks you got settled into your routine, getting a feel for your class schedule and the nuances of moving back in with your best friends. You only had one class with Harold this semester, which you counted as a blessing because you weren’t sure how this was going to work now. Though you already knew you had two classes with him next semester, and that was enough to keep you going on. If you thought sitting in class was good for seeing him, and those little knowing looks he kept flashing you – especially when you happened to answer a question right (c’mon, you were eager to please the man. You’d always been like this in Harold’s class.) – it really had nothing on your friends teasing. They all knew you had a crush on him – that was the last few years of being here and sitting in class, so whilst every right answer had a different meaning now between you and he, your friends sat there with the same little smirks on their faces: ‘Ohhhh! Someone’s got a crush! STILL!’ ‘Seriously? No summer romances to yearn and miss – or does that not do it for you!?’ ‘Oh, we should know Y/N! It’s all about the fantasy!’ ‘Y/N, getting all your answers right won’t get you in his pants-!’ - Well, little did they know! And you weren’t about to bring Tom up; in fact you weren’t even sure anyone knew that Harold usually lived in the same town as you. It certainly wasn’t something you were going to say now; less it help people put two and two together if things got suspicious. When you did start seeing each other again – around the time he gave you your assignments and you went to check on him under the guise of ‘wait can you just go through this one more time-!?’ - it was tentative and slow moving. You supposed out here in Sydney where you didn’t have the rush of summer, or have to sneak around both your families, you could really let the relationship just breathe and be what it would be. You didn’t see him on campus any more than you thought necessary, you tried not to run to him after class unless you had a burning question, so most of the time you would leave him with a sweet goodbye smile instead, and he would give you a gentle nod to bid you a good day. Even in his office you tried to keep it focused on your coursework, that didn’t mean he didn’t hold your hand as he took you through something, and he usually gave you a goodbye kiss before you left. You couldn’t lie that it felt a little strange, considering what you’d been used to back home – it’d never really been this delicate. You weren’t sure you didn’t enjoy this a little more. Still, after spending so much time together this summer, even if it was tangled up in sheets, there was still that need to be closer than the University would ever allow. So he gave you his address. At first you thought that was risky, and wondered what kind of excuse you’d have to give your friends… Although they didn’t seem to mind you heading out for your own purposes. You just made sure to never lie if they did enquire. ”Where you heading?” “Oh! A family friend recently moved to the area. It’d be kinda cool to hang out with them!” And they never questioned more than that.

You actually liked working on your assignments up here, his house was quiet and you got to pressure yourself because he was your teacher and instead of procrastinating you should be getting this done for his class. The assignment was simple enough; you had to design a play (based on the theme he’d set) and then write it’s key scene. Producing an essay on why you’d chosen the elements for the piece that you had. You were just glad this wasn’t one of your performance classes – you could get away with anything in the scene if you didn’t have to perform it yourself. Though you were sure Harold would make one or two of you read a little in tutorials. Maybe you could use your relationship to your advantage; Please for the love of God don’t pick me! You knew he would anyway, though. Whilst you were focused on your writing, when he was here and not on campus teaching, he was also typing away on his own composition. When you were taking a break from your own work you got curious enough to wander over and see what Harold was doing, looping your arms around his neck. “What are you working on?” “Oh…” He clasped your hands in his, “Just a pipe dream. It’s been in the works a loooong time…” “Yeaaah,” You pressed your lips to his cheek, settling your head on his shoulder, “But what is it?” “It’s a play.” “Oh? We’re all working on the same thing-!?” You brightened up, scanning a few lines. Even from what was in front of you, you sensed a familiar theme. “Oh my God!” You couldn’t help but grin as you teased him; “Are you just going to steal our work-!?” He laughed, teasing you back, “No-! That’s not it!”             You straightened, look disbelieving as Harold tipped his head back to keep his eyes locked with yours; “Ohhh! It totally is-!” “Well only the good ones-! And you’ll get credit-!” You snorted, “Yeah alright, I’ll remember that when I take you to court for copyright.” He narrowed his eyes, “Thing with you is, I could believe you actually would.” “Nah,” you leant down to kiss him, “If you want to steal my shitty ideas that’s fine with me.” “I’m sure they aren’t that bad!” You slipped from his grip, walking backwards and holding his hand until the last second, with a sharp intake of breath. “I wouldn’t be so sure…!” It couldn’t have been more than 20 minutes until he joined you, and you were biting your lip hard again; “Stop watching me!” “I’m here to help you actually.” “Help?” You raised your head, and then tilted it; “A distraction.” “Ahhhh…” He leant forward and brushed his lips to yours, “I hope a welcome one.” You pulled him back to you by his shirt; “Kiss me again and I’ll tell you.” Eventually you did end up throwing ideas around, sitting in his lap with your notebook as Harold held one arm around your waist, stroking his other through your hair. Both thoughts for his play and your own work – Harold just wanted you to be happy with your idea before he watched you spent all your effort on it. Eventually you thought you had it figured out, at least more than just the bare bones that you’d had before – now it had real structure and detail. Although telling him the detail was a step too far, “Don’t tell me! I want a surprise when I mark it-!” You folded your arms with a pout, “Well you’ve basically just told me your entire storyline! Now I’ll know when I see it!” “It’s a work in progress – It’s changed a million times already.” You settled and cuddled into him, peppering his neck and jawline with kisses as you did; “Well at least promise me that I can read it when you finish it? Maybe I could even be in it by that stage!” He chuckled, pulling you in closer; “You’d be the first I cast-!”

*** As at home, your lover had a house in Sydney that wasn’t too far from the beach. It was Friday morning, and Harold was due to drive back for the weekend. You’d started spending more weekends together, although you wouldn’t get the opportunity this one coming. As you weren’t due in class until much later in the day, after class yesterday (your only period, and also his) you’d headed over here. Whilst your assignment was doing a lot better and might almost be complete, his play was still nowhere near finished. Harold liked to recite pieces to you when you were curled up together, sometimes he’d hand you scenes and ask you to read characters and you couldn’t help but see scary parallels between them and conversations that you’d had with him. “Is this… leading somewhere?” “No.” The hand that wasn’t holding the script traced soft patterns over your stomach, “Why?” Your turned your head to him slowly, “Are they us?” “They… are a culmination of… a lot of relationships.” “They talk like we do.” “In this scene, yeah.”  He gave a shrug, “In others they’re Roz… and then relationships past.” You shifted visibly at the mention of her name, but understood what he was saying. It was a look at various relationships through the lens of different life stages. Harold drew you closer to him and kissed your forehead gently, “We can stop.” “No, it’s okay, it’s just- The thought of people seeing this or reading it… I guess it’s all a little scary.” You placed the pages on the table and wrapped your arms around his, caressing Harold’s skin as you pressed kisses into his arms. “I promise you if you don’t want this, I’ll take it out,” He continued to kiss your face and you were already smiling again, “still, it’ll be years from now at the rate it’s going.” He finally reached your lips; “I won’t do this without your permission.” “And yet everyone else doesn’t get a say?” “I think that says a little bit more about you, doesn’t it?” You bit your lip gently, before pulling him in again, “Hush, don’t make me yearn for you now…” On Friday morning he woke you early, and suggested going down to the beach while the weather was still good, and it wasn’t so hot and crowded yet. Harold was right, the presence of anyone else was minimal, and you could keep your hand in his almost the whole time you were together. All you could really do was look at him and wish this could in any way be normal. You hadn’t really been joking with him yesterday, you yearned for this to work out. That one day it wouldn’t matter who saw you together, because it would just be that. You’d be together. A dream, and yet one you would never be sure of lasting. Could it realistically last? Even now, hundreds of miles from home he was still wearing a wedding ring, and you were still aware of the fact that he could be yours and still not be yours. You took a deep breath of sea air and closed your eyes, focusing on his hand in yours. On his voice, already planning your next rendezvous… he wanted to take you on a trip somewhere out of the city. Harold’s attention was all yours, all of it was on you, and you needed to remember that; he knew you needed that. How much you craved it, how important his attention was to you when he was about to leave for home again. You could be adult about the relationship you shared, but he knew your emotions were still that of the 20-something you were. Harold knew how to placate that, and the fact he wasn’t about to drop you because of it showed you nothing more than how important this was to him. Maybe for the first time – even though he’d already stayed through your ‘I love you’ confession. By the time you were back to his, the sun was turning up the heat, and you weren’t about to pass up the opportunity. He’d barely shut the door before you were all over each other – your hands up in Harold’s hair and his kisses all over you. Yet by the time you were to the bedroom you’d significantly cooled off, and it was sweeter, a little slower. You pulled at the strings of your bathing suit to undress for him teasingly; and as ever Harold was receptive to this by the way he whispered your name. Today he loved on you slow and sweet – and it was everything you’d always wanted. He might have had somewhere to be, but there was no time limit here. Not in the safety of his home miles away from anyone that really knew you. No way to be caught out by friends or significant others (who didn’t treat either of you better anyway). You lay together for a while afterwards too, in the gentle afterglow, talking like you always did; about nothing and everything… Until Harold decided that if he wanted to beat any traffic back home he best be heading off and reality dragged you back – as it always did. You may have had him all to yourself here, and for longer than you ever had before, but it was still never enough. By the time you were out of the shower, washing away the tacky ocean air and the heat of the moment, he was ready to leave. With just a towel wrapped around you as you combed through your hair, he entered the bathroom to kiss you goodbye, winding his strong arms around your waist his kisses grazed the shell of your ear before his moustache scratched your cheek as he kissed you again, making you scrunch your face and giggle. “Okay, I best make a move...” Harold’s hands were on your hips and you knew his hesitation. You weren’t in the mood to help him decide to leave you, and so just kept kissing him. But you had to admit to yourself that you were in two minds. Half of you just wanted him to leave so you could get him back quicker, the other half just wanted him to rip this towel from your body and take you to bed once more before he left. You could make a pretty safe bet that both options were going through his head too. Finally he did let you go and pulled away, you were proud of yourself for not whining at him or looking disappointed, you knew Harold had to go and you would let him. Collecting his things up again, Harold paused and turned back to you by the bedroom door; “Lock up when you leave-!” “I will!” “I’ll be back soon, okay, I’m just collecting a few items and checking in...” “Babe, I know, it’s okay.” And it was. Because despite your envy of that wedding band, it was for nothing but show. “Be good.” You couldn’t help but smirk at him; “I will.” “Work hard!” “Certainly-!” “Especially on my stuff-!” “Yes-! Of course! Now go-! Or you’ll get caught in traffic-!” He nodded, and waved you off with one last blown kiss. You gave it a few seconds, but had to call him back, because you’d forgotten something very important; “Oh! Harry!” (for this was the nickname you had designed for him – even though you didn’t use it so often yet… he was warming to it, you were sure!) Harold turned once more; eyes curious. “I love you.” He chuckled, “I know sweetheart. As you keep telling me.” He left you with a soft wink, and you waited to hear the front door close. Somehow that made you smile more. You knew he still wouldn’t say it, not with that ring on his hand… but you also knew he did love you. That was enough, it had to be enough, you had to let it be enough. All you could do now was wait for him to return to you and you could be patient! And yet, you already couldn’t wait to be back in his arms.

 **

All things considered you’d had an amazing weekend hanging with your friends, and in the late evening sunshine you were all sitting in the lounge. There was a movie on but none of you were paying attention to it, more likely to only pay attention when you wanted to chat shit about it. But you were all chatting shit and spilling tea in general – and you’d really missed this all summer. You were lounging on your stomach across the couch, every so often munching on popcorn with your phone sat next to you. Ah, yes, by now you’d exchanged numbers. It was for emergencies only; and you really did mean emergencies. There was no casual texting of any kind; you still didn’t want anyone to be able to trace this. The trail you would leave would be simple texts that wouldn’t mean a thing to anyone else, nothing risqué… not even an ‘I miss you’… It wasn’t even a burner phone; it was your real mobile. And with nothing to take out of context, and nothing to look bad, how could anyone possibly touch you? ‘HH’ flashed up on your phone screen and suddenly hanging out with your friends no longer became fun. HH – for Henry Holland, a designer with a flair for putting H’s on everything, you thought it was about time you wore some of his stuff. Maybe that was a little too obvious. ‘I’m going to be here longer than I thought.’ A million thoughts flashed into your head, and you realised that you couldn’t ask him about any of them. But it worried you instantly – were things okay? Why did he need to stay longer? You weren’t sure what was going on with his family; and you weren’t close enough with Tom to casually ask him how things were, although that was still a number in your phone. Your thoughts began racing – silly things that shouldn’t even be thought about. Had he made up with Roz? Had it all come out? Someway, somehow and everyone back home was firefighting? No – if that was it you couldn’t imagine it wouldn’t get back to your parents, even out of spite. And then your phone really would be blowing up. Maybe he’d move the family out here? You weren’t sure you could see that working either: you’d only just managed to disentangle yourself from your families. You couldn’t imagine either of you wanted to go back to sneaking around (even though you had to admit there was a certain thrill attached to it). What was happening? And why could you only think of every worst case scenario…!? You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, suddenly feeling very dizzy. “Y/N… Y/N, are you okay!?” Your friends suddenly noticed how quiet you were; not to mention your lack of response to their banter. “Y-yeah…” You put on your best smile and turned your mobile over, “Just, overthinking!” You did eventually send a message back, just ‘Okay’ – because it was okay, it was his life. You could sit and be worried and want to call him but you knew you couldn’t. Neither of you were ready for that motion yet. But you didn’t receive anything else, and your first class of the week with him was taken by a substitute. Which had your friends teasing hitting home a little harder than it should; “HAHA! Y/N! What are you gonna do, you can’t drool for an entire lesson?” “Y/N just lost her eye candy.” “Oh my God guys, shut up!!” You laughed, “I can’t help that our best teacher is also hot---!” “That’s about the only reason you pay any attention!!!” “Oh sorry-!” You folded your arms, “At least I actually pay attention!” Although by the end of the lesson they were all agreeing with you – and this was one of the most boring classes you’d ever had the misfortune of sitting in. It made you miss him terribly. ** News of Harold’s return reached you before his text did. Accidently, of course; you were waiting for your tutor appointment when two other lecturers passed you. “I hear Harold got back last night!” “Oh thank GOD-! We can’t afford another week without him-!” “Should be back in tomorrow…” You were immediately elated, and desperate to see him. So when his text came through in the middle of your next class, you couldn’t help smiling like crazy. ‘Hey, I’m back in town. All good here, how are you?’ ‘Good. I’m fine.’ You chewed your lip, and then sent the next part anyway, ‘I’m glad you’re back… I missed you’ It didn’t receive a reply, you didn’t expect it too – you just needed to say it. The first thing you did when you got back on your laptop was book the first appointment with him you could, which had you flying up the stairs to his office the following morning. He laughed as you had to give yourself a minute to catch your breath, “I’m surprised you didn’t drive up yesterday.” “I just wanted to… let you settle back.” “You needn’t have.” Harold cupped your cheeks and touched his forehead gently to yours; you placed your hands over his, unable to stop beaming as the feel of him close to you once more. “Still, thank you for being so considerate.” You stood like that for a further few seconds, comfortable in each other’s presence before he kissed you. Not in the same way as he usually kissed you goodbye in this office. A real kiss, and removing his hands from your face only made you entwine your fingers with his. But you pulled back from him suddenly – which left him more than just a little surprised. Your eyes were wide by this point. You knew what it felt like to hold hands with him; because you always had to contend with a wedding band. You brought Harold’s hands up, removing your fingers from his – you couldn’t have helped your shocked gasp; he was void of one. “Wait, what-?!” He watched your face very carefully, but couldn’t help but smile himself. There was no point in teasing you with this one. “Divorced. Finalising.” You raised your eyes to his; disbelieving. You didn’t hear that – those words didn’t come from his mouth! And even if they did HOW and WHY!? “Shit, what-!?” Harold laughed, “I mean it’s a long story but, more of a test. Something that might sound like one last chance - I said they could move out here. She doesn’t want to leave. I can’t say that it didn’t feel like it was any damn excuse would do.” He shrugged, “Guess I gave her one.” “Wh…What about Tom?” Despite effectively stealing his son’s girlfriend, Harold still had a good relationship with Tom, you didn’t want that to change for him. “He’s a big kid, seems fine. We talked a lot while I was there. Trust me, I think it’s safe to say we all got what we wanted…” He brushed his lips to yours once more, and wound his arms around you pulling you into a tight embrace.  “I knew it was over Y/N, I just had to be sure.” You nodded, “I know. I know; I’m not mad. It’s all over… It feels a little, freer now.” You couldn’t be sure it felt like it quite yet, but one big weight had certainly just been lifted off this relationship. If Harold wasn’t married this was no longer an affair, even if it had started that way. He was now free to be in a caring relationship. You were lucky to be that person. You knew that. You were lucky to be the one in his arms right now that he was telling this too. He was yours and you were gonna do your best to take care of him here. Like he always took care of you. Harold couldn’t help but think, as he held you here - your arms around him, holding him like you’d never let go, on where this could be going. On the prospect of planning and building a future with you. It’d be for the long haul, and it wouldn’t be easy – but it was doable. He could see it. It may take time, but Harold hoped you’d see it to. That eventually you’d be ready to talk about things like that… And suddenly he realised, he could say it, he could say ‘I love you’ out loud. He could tell you just like you told him, and he could mean it – although he always had. You were still young, you had time to figure things out. He tipped your chin up so that he could kiss you once more and you gripped him even tighter. It was all about enjoying this moment right here. Harold didn’t have to start again. He already had all he needed.

---

Thank you for reading! 💙💜

[ivory-sunflower]

✨Hyperfixations✨

Hello!

If you’ve seen previous posts from this blog, you might already know that I’m autistic; It’s not something I hide because I don’t see the point in doing so. I’m putting this disclaimer here so people don’t come for me and try and call me out for whatever reason.

I’ve had many fixations through the course of my life, as I’ve gotten older the way they develop and the impact they have had definitely changed. In my early teens I was dealing with a myriad of other mental health issues alongside these fixations. However, at the time we didn’t realise that that’s what they were because I was only diagnosed when I was 14. It’s important to note that I was dealing with other issues, as those issues consumed a huge amount of energy and so I never realised how truly draining hyperfixations are. It’s only now that I’m fairly level with my other issues that I have seen the full effect of a hyperfixation. I always put my lack of concentration and the exhaustion down to the anxiety and depression, but it’s become clear that they weren’t the only factors.

I joked in a couple of posts that Temples were becoming a new fixation for me, but oh boy... It has hit hard. It has completely knocked me off kilter. For the last 3 or 4 weeks (maybe longer) it has been almost unbearable, all I can think about is the band and it’s incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything else. Even when I manage to focus on something else, if someone says something that fires something in my mind then I’m just out for the next half an hour. I’ll be trying to do physics revision, I’ll be looking at Milikan’s oil drop experiment, I’ll see the word “Atomised” and then I’m off thinking about ‘Atomise’ and suddenly it’s been 2 hours. 

It’s just so frustrating because I’ve never experienced a fixation in this way before, it’s so intense and I just want it to stop. I know that I shouldn’t get so annoyed with myself over it, but it gets in the way so much for me. When my mental health deteriorates and I can’t work or concentrate I find it easier to accept because I know that when my brain is in puddle mode that doing anything complicated just isn’t viable. The people around me also recognize this. With this fixation, I’m finding it hard to justify why I can’t do anything. I just can’t get myself to view it as “valid” because my brain certainly isn’t in puddle mode, it’s very active in fact, so I understand why I can’t shift that energy to be productive. It’s much harder to explain too and the people around me are less understanding. I’ll be honest, I don’t blame them for not understanding - heck, I barely understand it myself at times - how can I expect them to understand something they’ve never experienced and never will? It’s been a nightmare trying to keep up with college work, and I can feel myself beginning to burn out because of it, I feel like I can’t let myself fall behind because the reason doesn’t feel “valid” to me. I can’t exactly go to my tech teacher and say “Hi miss, sorry I didn’t do any of my assignments or coursework this week, I’ve been thinking about a band.” - granted, there’s more to it than that but at a basic, bare-bones level that is what I’d be saying. To someone who doesn’t live in my autistic little mind, that sounds like the most ridiculous excuse imaginable.

It’s hard to explain that it’s not voluntary in a lot of ways, it just happens whether I like it or not. It’s getting to a point where it’s impeding on my ability to function normally. I can’t sleep properly because I can’t get my brain to shutdown and stop thinking about them, or the music, or whatever else. I get distracted from work, from daily activities like cooking and cleaning, even hobbies are getting neglected unless they’re related to the fixation. I’d been learning ‘Clare De Lune’ on piano but that’s been sidelined for ‘Certainty’, any guitar parts I’d been learning and writing have just been ignored because I just can’t concentrate on them, but I can with Temples riffs. The only times I’m not thinking about them is when I’m sleeping and when I’m worrying about other things (intrusive thoughts kinda worries), even then I’ll occasionally start worrying about Temples. Example: “Does Tom remember my brother heckling him last year? He probably does, and he hates me.” - that’s a bit of a side point but one I thought I’d mention anyway. 

To an outsider, I will just look like an obsessed fangirl and if you want to think that of me then go for it, if this post doesn’t change your mind then I’m not going to convince you otherwise. I wouldn’t compare this to a fangirl experience, because usually those experiences are enjoyed by the girl in question. With this, I spend a lot of time wishing I wasn’t like this. I spent months fighting it off when I could feel it starting. I’m not saying it makes me completely miserable because with a hyperfixation does come happiness and excitement, it’s part and parcel of it, but in between those times I hate it. 

I have had very complex feelings around fixations in the past and the same rings true with this one. It seems to be hard to grasp for neurotypical people that we do NOT choose to fixate on the things we fixate on. For me this stirs a lot of anxiety because of the obsessive nature of a hyperfixation. My last few have centered on real people, such as bands or YouTubers, and I always feel awful about it because it feels creepy. I would never actually stalk these people, but the amount of content I consume and the energy that goes into it all just feels like too much even though there’s not much I can do to stop it. I can take away the media but that wouldn’t stop me thinking about it. I’ve experienced a lot of ostracisation from past friends because they found my fixations weird or annoying, and that feeling of rejection got internalized and I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m weird because of it. I know for the people around me, it probably does get boring that I only talk about one think for hours at a time and it’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve found friends who take the time to let me talk about my thing without getting annoyed or taunting me. Even with a supportive network, I still find it hard to get out of the mindset that fixating on real people feels wrong.

I’ve had this complaint for years, but recently I’ve seen more and more people misuse the term “hyperfixation” and it’s really been bothering me. It seems to be the new  ✨cute, quirky thing✨ to say that “X, Y, Z is my hyperfixation!” when in reality the person saying this probably just really likes X, Y, Z. I get so frustrated because they don’t realise just how tiring they can be, how they don’t always make a person happy, and how they actually make us feel. Not to mention the fact that when too many people say it in the wrong context *Context by Temples starts playing* the word starts to lose it’s meaning. This only makes it harder to explain to people “no, I don’t just really like this thing, it literally consumes my whole life, I’m so tired, please make it stop!”. 

This has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days and I wasn’t sure if I should post it or not but after talking about some of this stuff with a friend, we decided that maybe I should. I won’t be tagging this under Temples because it doesn’t feel right. 

~ Love Ginger xx

19/01/2021

[emperor-nasch]

i guess, since it’s new year’s eve, i should do my annual omg i love you guys so much post...it’s gotten smaller every year, but there’s still some consistent names on here that, frankly, actually do deserve a shoutout because i don’t do it enough and you guys should feel loved

@kalteumgebung out of everybody here i’ve definitely known you the longest, and i’m actually really happy we still talk! seeing you at acen (first time we’ve actually spoken irl in like 7 years too!) was one of the highlights of the weekend. we’ve both been through some shit in our lives but dang it, we’re gonna conquer our troubles!!! and i hope this year is easier on you, because you deserve a break.

@breakdawn-avenue because you’ve been a consistent part of my life on here, because you care about me and tag me in things (which means a lot to me), and because you make an effort to talk despite living a very, very long distance from me.

@whatacartouchebag you came back this year and i was so excited i almost couldn’t stand it!! i’d thought you’d left for good after not hearing from you for a few years. i’ve always loved having you on here, and i’m so very happy you’re back, because i’ve missed you greatly!

@lesbianmaikujaku because you’ve stuck around despite there being many reasons why you didn’t have to. you’ve been supportive and understanding throughout a lot of the shit my life has brought me, and i appreciate that

@arcadecryptid because meeting you for the first time at acen was rad and also because you’re really rad too

@sailoranime because you thought about me (the bumper stickers at acen) and because i’ve just always looked up to you. you’re super talented and i’m always impressed by your cosplays! (and i even have a few favorites you’ve done!)

this year has been...well, it certainly hasn’t been as bad as year’s past. although, i think there was a definitive “bad” part of 2018, and that wasn’t until the last 3 months - but i digress, good stuff first

for one, i’m finally done with the “coursework” part of my program. in itself, it’s a huge relief, even though i still have multiple tests to take before i’m done for good, not to mention an entire year’s worth of internships to finish before i graduate. despite that, i’m a year away from being done with college, and that’s something i never thought i’d ever accomplish

i also continued to move forward and work towards letting go of trauma, of the lasting effects from the abuse i endured two years ago - needless to say, i’m still here, still enjoying the things he tried to take from me, and still happy (for the most part). i won’t do what i did last year about this time and scroll his blog (because seriously, past self, what the fuck). no, instead that piece of human waste won’t be in my thoughts this new years, or hopefully ever again. i’m better than letting somebody who tried to ruin my life continue to ruin it after i’ve removed them. no, this year i’m going to be different. my life is becoming more and more important as time moves forward, and it’s about time i begin realizing it

and i managed to go to acen a second time after the aforementioned abusive fallout - once again proving to myself that i am above him, and that he is not in charge of my life anymore. however, it was somewhat uneventful and stupidly dramatic (save for the encounters with sailoranime, lesbianmaikujaku, arcadecryptid, and kalteumgebung because seeing you guys there was rad as heck) and i got to show off sayaka for the first time, which was also really rad because i love her

however, that definitive bad part of 2018 i mentioned earlier...it could be so much worse, i know, but having to end the life of my dear Burly, after what ended up to be a few months shy of 20 years with him...that was the absolute worst day of my life, and the absolute worst day of this year, hands down. my heart has ached since that day in october, and i am far, far from being over it yet. that day was literal hell on earth, and for the weeks following, i couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. for me, the world had ended and there was nothing that was going to make me okay again.

it’s been a little over two months since, and i’m doing better. there’s definitely a void in my life, still, but the other two cats have done well at filling it, or at least patching it up for the time being. i still miss him, dearly, but i feel blessed to have had the chance of nearly 20 incredible years with him - not everybody can say they had a cat for that long.

i don’t know what the hell 2019 has in store for me...and i probably don’t want to know right now...but i suppose if i’ve made it this far, i can do it again.

happy 2019 y’all

[eponymous-rose]

A while ago I got an ask (which of course I couldn’t find today) that was basically wanting to know what in the heck a postdoc actually does. That’s a fair question! “Postdoc” is generally used to mean “a researcher with a PhD”, which is vague as heck. 

So hey, here’s what my day at work was today. This is pretty typical of me, but probably not typical of every postdoc, because the responsibilities vary so much from field to field.

First thing: check those e-mails! Today, that involved adding some stuff to my calendar, clearing up an error on an expense report for travel, bugging my boss to come sign my timesheet (there are a lot of places in the building where I work that I’m not allowed access to as a foreign national... including my boss’s office), setting up some preliminary stuff for the women/nb’s dinner at a conference in October, submitting corrections on my shiny new faculty page for next year’s job, and contacting my coauthors on a recently accepted paper to inform them that they have to sign the copyright release form.

Time to do some browsing of Twitter: I’m the social media rep for a committee in a professional organization, so I was mainly just looking for anything worth retweeting. Nothing of note. Our stuff is so specialized that I’m not sure what kind of content to go for unless there’s a conference happening, like, right now. Probably need to think about widening our net of follows and acting as a promoter for other groups. Make a note to follow up on that later this week.

Boss arrives to sign my timesheet. Chat for a while about how his hard drive broke about fifteen minutes before he had to submit the final draft of a monograph. He’s not having a great day, but he leaves in a good mood to go celebrate his wife’s birthday.

Finally get to check in on my current paper status: one paper accepted (looking at what factors cause tornadoes to occur in a big outbreak versus individually), just going through the final logistic steps before publication. Nothing for me to do there. Two papers are in progress (discussing what makes tornadoes unique in the southeastern US using a couple different statistical methods), but I got word last week that there’s another couple years of data that’re getting processed and should be ready to use in a week or so, so I’m holding off on doing anything with those until I have the shiny new dataset. Nothing to do there, either. A rare occasion!

Pull up a paper I’m peer-reviewing for a journal. This one’s just a revision of a paper I’d already reviewed, and after a thorough read-through I’m convinced the authors did a great job addressing all my concerns, so I get to give it the thumbs-up. About thirty seconds before I hit “send” on that one, I get a fresh new paper to review. So it goes.

There’s a new Master’s student working in the office across the hall, so I poke my head in to say hi. She is adorable and must be protected at all costs. Promises of bringing in cookies to share are exchanged.

There’s enough time for a quick lunch with a friend! We start out talking a bit about a research project we’re going to be working on together over the next year, but the conversation veers into D&D when another player from our game stops by our table.

Time for a Skype meeting with another research collaborator! I have to cut this one short to get to the next thing on time, but we still have time to talk about the details of a grant report we’re submitting later this month (explaining what we’ve been doing with the money for the past year, which mainly boils down to: publishing a lot of good science). I also have her walk me through the process of getting the funds released for publishing our current paper. It’ll cost almost $3,000 to publish. Yes, you have to pay to publish in academia. Cool beans. Thank goodness we have a research grant for this one.

There’s a neat event in the afternoon: a two-hour workshop/training course about communicating science with reporters. The person giving the course is marvelous---she’s been in communications here for a couple decades after a solid career in journalism---and she does a great job of leading us through strategies for approaching difficult or even hostile lines of questioning without outright avoiding answers. At the end of it, I get to sign up for a mock-interview on Friday, complete with camera crew. Maybe a little nervous about that. Scribble down some useful elevator-pitch summaries of my research, just in case I forget before Friday.

I spend a little bit of time knocking out some coding for an elaborate animated gif I want to include in my presentation at a conference in October. The science for that presentation is really all done (see the aforementioned paper that’s going through copyright/financial stuff), but I’m the first presenter of the conference, and I’d like to have some visual aids that really wow the audience. I get something mocked up that I think will go over well.

A friend of mine is writing a reference letter for her former advisor! She hasn’t done that sort of thing before, so she sends it to me. I edit it down a bit, but it already looks fantastic and I tell her so when I send her my suggestions.

I’ve only got about an hour left in the day at this point, so I open up that new paper that came in for review. It’s right up my alley, which is great, and it looks like some interesting science, but there’s one method being used that I’m less familiar with, so I google it to make sure I know what they’re shooting for.

...while googling that, I see a link further down the list of results that looks like it’s from some sort of coursework. That seems like it might be relevant to me, so I check out the link: it’s from the notes of a pretty great-looking course on the programming language R, which is something I’ve been working on learning anyway! It’s an astronomy course, but there’s a ton of overlap in the types of data they work with, so I wind up getting sucked in and spend the rest of the day going through the excellent tutorials and familiarizing myself with this new-to-me programming language. I’m veering into more pure stats stuff, lately, so this is a great programming language to learn, but it’s also becoming more and more popular, which means that the odds of my having a graduate student who knows it are pretty high. It’s definitely good for me to be familiar with this sort of thing!

And... that’s a day! I love this job because there’s so much going on that it’s hard to feel like I’m spinning my wheels on any single thing; even though the bulk of my research is stalled until I get the shiny new data next week, I’ve still got a ton of different projects to keep myself busy.

[katsdsstudies-blog]

So studying. Studying with a capital S. Something we’ve all got to do for class. Something we’re not all taught how to do. Something we sometimes don’t think we have to do at all.

It’s a challenge, that’s for sure. It becomes an impossibility almost when you’re dealing with mental health issues, disabilities, and problems with socialising. I should know.

How do you study though, Kat? How do you manage to still get decent grades when you don’t sit at the front of class? You don’t take a bajillion notes? You don’t write them out by hand 24-7?

How. Are. You. Not. Failing???

Studying isn’t just about pretty notes, it’s not about writing everything by hand, it’s not about fancy playlists and colour-coordination. It’s about understanding the material you’ve got to learn and engaging with it in a way that helps you remember it.

I’ll be honest, studying for exams is impossible for me now. I just can’t do it. My memory has gone to hell after years of living with chronic pain with hardly any support. It sucks. Luckily though my course is all coursework and internal examinations. That’s the beauty of my Masters. I know it’s not the same for everyone though.

That means I’m going to do my best to help ya’ll with exam studying, class notes, revision, reading assignments and so on. Basically, anything I can think of.

Lets get started then shall we.

1. Figuring out how to take class notes in class:

Don’t bother with fancy. You won’t have the time. Your handwriting just needs to be legible to you. I cheat a lot and write in block capitals. It’s pretty quick and easier to read than my scribbled cursive half the time.

Typed notes are basically the same. Bullet points and bold titles etc… do those later when you have the time to spend on it. Hit tab for each ‘bullet point’ you’ll make in class for a specific topic, don’t bother fighting with Word or whatever other note-taking programme you use. Just use tab, then hit backspace to go back to the normal width of the document.

For subheadings, use colons ( : ) they save a lot of time and you don’t need to hit bold, italic, or underline. If you have problems with keyboard shortcuts then this is probably a brilliant idea. Use semi-colons ( ; ) for lists and fake-bullet-points-ala-tab. So much time saved.

If you know a shorthand method to take notes, use it. If you don’t, I sometimes take the vowels out of words leaving only the cnstnts bhnd. It can take a bit of time getting used to, especially when writing by hand, but it can help if you have a tutor/professor/lecturer who talks a mile a minute and flies through slides at the same time.

2. Using in-class slides/materials along with your own notes:

One thing I find very useful is printing out the slides for my classes before I get there. It makes keeping focused on whatever we’re discussing easier. Also, you can number your notes with the slide (S10 or Slide12) you’re making notes on. This makes writing your notes up later way easier.

If your lecturer doesn’t provide copies of the slides, email them. Most of the time they’ll be pretty decent and let you have a copy. Sometimes they won’t. If they refuse… well, if you can take pictures of the slides on your phone that can solve that problem. Otherwise, I’d suggest arguing the toss with them and pulling them up for being discriminatory or blocking your learning. Some might not take kindly to this though. If that fails, you can always try a class mate or record the lectures.

One thing I’ve had to do before was actually record myself reading the slides in my class out to myself. I was sat at the back and incredibly quiet with my phone almost attached to my chin, but it worked. So that’s an option.

USE. THE. HEADINGS. ON. THE SLIDES. IN. YOUR. NOTES. I can’t express this enough. It keeps your notes organised, focused and when/if you come across tests or exams, you can use those notes to study specific things way easier than if you use your own headings.

3. Re-writing those notes from class:

I’ll admit, I’m a perfectionist. A pathetic, disastrous perfectionist. If my notes don’t look right to me I will literally trash them and restart. Doesn’t matter if it’s one page or fifty. It’s a problem. I’m working on it.

I’ll give you this piece of advice though: don’t try to make your notes super fancy. You might be writing these ones out a second time, making them more consistent, organised, detailed etc, but that doesn’t mean you should go overboard on fancy. You still need to be able to use them and write them in a decent time.

I give myself about an hour or so to write or type my notes from class, including the stuff on the slides.

That hour is spent focusing on making sure I make it clear what are keywords, important terms, definitions, and names, dates, and places which I’ll need to remember or find easily later on for doing assignments.

Stick to using one or two colours. Black ink for the main notes is usually best I’ve found. Red, green, blue, any other colour in the rainbow can work for the important ones I need to notice. But be. consistent.

Give yourself breaks when writing. I know we all get into The Zone™ when writing and studying. You blink and it’s been six hours and you’re desperate for the loo, food and some water. Don’t let yourself do that. Set alarms. One hour tops then break.

The pomodoro studying method is good. 5-10 minutes breaks between study sessions.

Change up which notes you write after each break. I have the choice between disability, disability, and disability, so this doesn’t exactly work that well for me, but it is a good idea for anyone doing more than one subject or course of study. Physics then English? Excellent. Maths then Chemistry? Good, go for it. Crying then weeping? Bit too much alike but if it works.

The simpler the better. Clean notes that don’t devolve into chaos are good for our brains to look at. We take in and process information a heck of lot easier when it’s presented neatly and in an organised way than if you essentially word-vomit all over the page. This is why too much colour can be a bad thing btw. Your brain just goes ‘lol nope’ and quits on you. Problematic to say the least.

4. Where to sit in class in a lecture hall:

This depends on the way you are as a person tbh.

Do you get distracted easily? Sit right at the front. Less distractions.

Do you talk to people a lot and don’t pay attention? Sit at the front or a bit away from people. One seat space away can work for this. You can still interact but it’s a bit more awkward to lean across a seat than it is to just turn and whisper in someone’s ear.

Do you find crowds a problem? Sit at the front away from everyone or at the back. The middle tends to be full of those who want to try but get distracted easily enough that they want to socialise. I sit at the back because too many people around me is a problem.

Do you have problems with processing what your lecturer is saying? The front is the best for this. If you have problems with crowds, attention, etc, then the front does contain sides to it. If you can sit against a wall while still at the front, then it still counts and can help somewhat.

The walls also have plug sockets so win-win if you use a laptop and it’s dying.

4.1. It’s not a lecture hall so where to sit:

If your classrooms are like the ones I’m in for my MA then I’m guessing they’re gonna have groups of tables together so six-ten people can sit around them and work in groups. If they’re not I’ll address that in 4.2 next.

Get distracted easily? Sit as close to the front as you can with as limited a view of the rest of the class as you can. Focus on the lecturer who will be Right There in front of you.

You’re a talker and have a squirrel’s attention span? The front again. Hard as heck to talk to people if you’re lecturer is Right There Judging You.

Crowd issues? The back or the sides tend to be a bit easier to handle for this. The benefit of being in a classroom setting for your classes is that it’s easier to hear your lecturer than in the lecture hall. Sitting at the back doesn’t have as many problems then. Also helps if you can see the entire class just so you can keep an eye on them and Know They’re There They Won’t Just Magically Appear.

^ That helps with anxiety issues btw. Though the reverse does as well if you speak up in class. Personal preference really comes into play here.

Processing problems? The front is usually best. But so is the back amusingly. Sound travels and if you’re lecturer can project their voice then the back is actually pretty good for focusing. Only challenge is your class mates and how loud/distracting they are. Personal preference again here.

Use a computer? Walls. Sit by the walls. Attach yourself to them. Those plug sockets are precious, rare creations and you will Fight To The Death For Them.

4.2. In a classroom where it’s single tables, ala American-style classrooms:

Sorry to say but I have limited experience with this sort of set up but I’ll do my best.

Distraction issues? The front, near the middle if you can. You can focus on the board right in front of you and on the lecturer right there with it. Also you’re pretty close to the door so Freedom Is Close And Easily Accessible.

Talkative squirrel? Front again. Maybe closer to the door. Scoot your table away from others a bit (before they get to class or when everyone is sitting down, try not to make it obvious; someone will be offended otherwise). Your lecturer will catch you chatting away if you’re at the front. They always do…

Crowding/anxiety? Sides, front to back. Closer the door the better. Right at the front can be Problematic with the whole people-are-staring-at-me-oh-god thing, but the back can be the same because oh-god-they’re-turning-to-look-at-me-while-I’m-talking. Sides are a little of both but at lease the exit is closer.

Processing issues? Just go with the front. Anywhere along the front. First two rows. The middle might be best but not always. Don’t sit near the door. Sit on the opposite side of the room to the exit. You might be the last to leave class, finishing a note or packing your stuff. Don’t rush unless you have to. It messes up your brain too much otherwise.

Computer? I’m not sure if this is allowed in American classrooms but if it is, plug sockets or sit away from the windows. You can manually control your screen brightness then and the light from the windows will force you to keep it bright and waste battery life. The Darkness Is Your Friend.

5. Reading assignments and note taking:

Not gonna lie, I hate reading assignments. They’re usually boring and I’m forced to read articles that use far too many fancy words and waffle so much my brain dribbles out of my ears. It’s an attention and a processing problem. That said, here’s some tips I’ve developed over the years.

Scientific papers, humanities, etc: Read the introduction and conclusion. This is where most of the info is anyway. The introduction tells you the purpose of the research, the background, what the researchers wanted to figure out/learn and what methods they use to do so. The conclusion tells you what they found out, some of the issues they had and future research ideas. Only look at the middle if you have to or want to for curiosity. Otherwise, give it a quick read and leave it be.

Literary criticisms and such: Start with same approach as above. Introduction and conclusion. Notes on the main things from both. Then read the rest. One read through first. Put it down, go away and do something (make a drink, eat a food, go for a walk, whatever). Then come back to it. Be ready with a pencil.

Underline things you think are important as you read through. Don’t use the highlighter. You’ll decorate the page otherwise. Once you’ve been through it once, go through it again. Underline the things you think are really important a second time. Those things you highlight.

Make notes on the things you double underlined and highlighted. Those are gonna be the important things. The rest is bonus material.

Stories and poems: break it down.

5.1. Stories:

Lets start off with the story. Find out the setting, the characters, the history of the time the story is written, things about the author etc. Make a poster or something visually easy to read for this. It’ll help you focus when you’re reading the story.

Read the story through without stopping to make notes. You need to have it in your head first before you go back to make notes on it. Remember to take a break when you’re done as well.

Pencil time. Underline important things, phrases, quotes you might use later.

Go through it again. Underline those Uber Important Things. Then hit it with your hightlighter.

Asterisks ( * ) are good for if something is a major point, or you have A Thought about it. You can put it in the story then reference it in your notes. *1 *2 *3 is how I do it. Page numbers are a good idea to include as well at the end of each notation.

5.2. Reading Poems:

And now onto poems. They’re a bit more difficult. Figure out the structure first. Is it a set of rhyming couplets? Freestyle? Does it have a set number of verses? Does it have a refrain? These are things you should notice immediately.

Put that information into a poster or at least write it down so it’s easy to read. Tables are a good idea.

Learn a little bit about the poet. Have they written other poems? Are they like this? Do they have a similar theme? Is there anything out there about the theme of this poem? This info can help a lot when considering the structure and meaning behind the poem.

Focus on individual verses. Make a note as you go of your instinctive response to each verse, to the refrain (if it has one), to the flow. This can help you in an exam when you have to explain or include your own thoughts on the poem.

Look at the language used. Is it polite? Is there a crassness to it? Does it seem modern or is it Pride And Prejudice in poem form? This all connects to structure and intent.

Use a dictionary and thesaurus when looking at the words used. Sometimes a poet will use a word that has a very unique meaning No One Knows. You might assume the meaning you know for that word is what they mean. Dictionary and thesaurus is a must for poetry analysis imho.

For notes on poems and stories, break it down: structure, setting, author, characters, important quotes/phrases… these are things you might have to compare to other poems/stories later on.

It’s good to put these in a very visual form.

If you’re comparing multiple poems/stories: big. ass. poster. table. It’ll save you so much hassle I s2g.

6. Exam studying/revision:

The notes you’ve made throughout your class/term/course will be useful here. The difference is you’re not going to be able to memorise all of them.

That’s where flashcards, summary sheets and tables come in handy.

6.1. Using flashcards:

These are small and force you to keep to a point.

Give each one a specific title – definition, structure, researcher name etc – and bullet-point your notes on it.

If you manage it well enough you should be able to get several points into a single bullet-point using keywords that’ll trigger your memory and association with the more detailed notes you’ve taken in the past.

Don’t put too much info onto each one. If you have a lot of stuff for a specific topic – for example, professional practice – then it’s better to use several flashcards than it is to shove it all onto one and find it a mess of information you just can’t process.

Look at them whenever you have the time.

Waiting for the bus? Pull ‘em out.

On the bus? Yeah, got time there to kill.

Lecturer is late? Sod it, go for it.

Can’t sleep? Maybe not… warm milk or hot cocoa and dark room would probably be better.

6.2. Summary sheets and tables:

Summary sheets should be one-sided, simple and clear. Don’t bother with fancy, but do bother with neat.

Capitals for headings and subheadings. Don’t use more than one line for each heading (seriously, you don’t have the space to use 16pt font on the paper at this point).

Keywords should be clear and easy to notice. Not eye-popping colours but something that is noticeable compared to black text. Red, blue, green… these work well and are easier to see.

If you’re colour blind or have issues with coloured text then change the font, angle of writing, capitalisation etc. Anything to make those keywords stand out.

Tables are brilliant for comparing lots of things together. Research articles, poems, stories… all of them. A3 sized posters are some of my favourites to make. You can have colour and such on them because they’re meant to be aesthetically pleasing and also noticeable.

All the tricks you can use for summary sheets and flashcards work for tables as well. They’re not meant to be super-detailed things. You need to be able to look at them and basically get a cliff-notes version of the material.

Okay so, this is the end.

Questions? If you have them then send them my way. I’ll answer them no problem.

Advice needed? Same as above.

Anything you want me to address or give tips about? Message me and I’ll make another post of tips and advice.

Question not related to studying? That’s fine. I’ve done and lived through enough in my life that advice and help is something I’m always willing and happy to provide.

Hope this has been helpful to ya’ll though!

[bleucheesy]

Reunion

Shklance Gym AU (Modern AU) Drabble 20 Obligatory tags: @puppybek, @starchildkeith, and @francowitch Parts 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 Link to Master Post - Also available on AO3.

Technically contains S5 spoilers?

For once, Lance was glad Thursdays were his heavy days. He had his part time job in the morning, coursework all day, and then two classes to lead in the evening.

Now, normally, he dreaded those long hours because it meant less time with his boyfriends, whom he loved dearly.

However, as of late…

Keith was driving him insane!

It’s not like it was completely his fault. After all, it wasn’t every day you got to meet your birth mother for the first time since you were in diapers. But the way Keith was running around, trying to tidy up and clean and make the place look suitable for her visit, well, it was getting on Lance’s nerves.

He loved Keith. Shiro, too. They were so good to Lance and they meant the world to him. But if Keith pulled out every one of their dishes again and demanded they all be washed – for a third time – Lance was going to stick him in a wormhole.

(for mobile, continue reading here)

He did take into account the fact that she was supposed to show up some time this week – no specific date or time – which was definitely exacerbating the situation. Lance was pretty sure he was using that word right.

So, getting out of the apartment for a solid sixteen hours or so sounded really good.

Of course, after being away from him all day and having one Zumba class-worth of endorphins running through his system, Lance realized that he couldn’t blame Keith. Lance had grown up with his family. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to not know your mother. And that made him feel a little guilty for ditching him. And leaving poor Shiro to fend for himself.

So, Lance decided that, as soon as his last class was over, he’d quickly shower and head straight home. Well, maybe not straight home. He should probably pick something up on the way. He doubted that Keith had eaten anything all day – unless Shiro had forced him.

He was lost in thought when Lance nearly ran into a tall woman walking past the welcome desk. “Excuse me,” he said and then blinked when he looked up at her. She was beautiful! He put on his coolest smile and leaned an elbow on the counter. “You new around here?” he asked, voice dipping a little lower.

Before anyone jumped to conclusions, Lance would never, ever cheat on his boyfriends. But part of his job as an instructor at the gym was to get more clients to sign on. And one way to do that was by advertising what they had to offer.

“Only just arrived tonight,” she replied. “My hotel is down the street and I thought I’d give this place a look.”

Ah. They sometimes got salary men and women in town on business or for a conference. Still, he could sell her a few classes while she was in the area.

“You look like someone who enjoys dancing, am I right?” he asked, running a hand through his still slightly damp bangs. “Ever taken a stab at Zumba?”

She quirked a brow and crossed her arms over her chest. “Can’t say that I have.”

“Oh!” Lance’s eyes lit up. “Then you’ve got to try my class. I’ve actually got one starting in about fifteen minutes,” he paused, gesturing toward the room down the hall. “If you’re interested.”

“Tempting,” she chuckled. “But I’m afraid I’m finished for the evening.”

It was then that Lance noticed the longer strands of hair under her short cut sticking to the nape of her neck. What an unusual hairstyle.

She cocked her head to the side and the motion looked so familiar that Lance was momentarily dazed. “And I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Well,” Lance let the rejection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. “Maybe next time?” He reached for his pocket, but remembered he was wearing leggings. “I don’t have any cards on me, but I’m sure you’ll remember this face, right?”

She snorted and then smirked and Lance couldn’t help but feel a weird sense of déjà vu. “I’m sure I will, um…?”

“Lance,” he finished for her, holding out his hand.

She took it and gave it a curt shake. “Lia,” she replied. “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Lance.” And again, something about her seemed so familiar…

“Believe me.” He flashed another toothy grin and then winked. “The pleasure’s all mine.”

She laughed again and shook her head as she left. But Lance was used to that kind of response. Especially from slightly older women. They were flattered by his business-flirting – the official name, by the way – and they always came back for his class.

Heck, he’d recruited at least two-thirds of the female gym members over the age of thirty.

It was a gift, really.

But he didn’t have time to congratulate himself. He had a class to teach.

 After he was finished and saw the last of his regulars out the door, Lance jogged over to the showers. He’d definitely spent enough time out of the apartment and, in an attempt at a peaceful offering – goodness knows what pains Shiro had suffered today. Keith, too – Lance continued with his original plan of picking up some takeout on the way.

Nothing soothed the savage beast like greasy lo mein and potstickers.

But just as he stepped out of the restaurant, the bell over the door jingling and the delicious aroma of their dinner filling his nostrils, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He’d almost forgotten that he’d left it on vibrate.

There were three messages from Shiro. He quickly swiped to unlock his phone and read them.

Looks like Keith’s mom is in town.

She’s heading over around eight.

She’s here.

Lance checked the time. It was just a little after eight. He hated that he wasn’t there for Keith to support him. But he wasn’t too far away. He could make it to the apartment in ten minutes, if he ran.

And so, seven and a half minutes later – a new personal record – Lance was wiping the sweat from his brow and attempting to get his breathing under control as he stood outside their apartment door, the Chinese food still in hand.

Once he felt he was presentable enough – first impressions were everything, after all – he took out his keys and unlocked the door.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he walked inside. Maybe Keith and his mom sharing an emotional moment, hugging and crying for their lost time together. Or maybe Shiro holding Keith back as he shouted at her for leaving him all those years ago.

No, wait. That was definitely too dramatic. And Keith was a gentleman – when it mattered – and had been nervously and anxiously awaiting meeting his mom. He wouldn’t explode on her.

Right?

So, when Lance entered the living room and saw Keith and Shiro on the couch, the latter with his hand on the small of Keith’s back for emotional support, he was relieved. Though he did note the way Shiro had to put his other hand on Keith’s knee to keep it from bouncing so fast and high that it surely would have hit him in the face.

Then Lance looked over to where Keith’s mother sat, across from them in the recliner, and he froze.

Wow. She looked really familiar. Those dark eyes and hair in an unusual style. Everything about her rang a bell, but he couldn’t quite place where he knew her from.

As if sensing his gaze, she turned to face him, furrowing her brow and then blinking in surprise before smiling. “It’s nice to see you again, Lance.”

He dropped the takeout bag, his eyes going wide.

Both his boyfriends whipped their heads toward him. Shiro looked surprised, but Keith’s expression was impossible to read. And Lance knew he had to clear things up and fast. Keith was jealous under normal circumstances. But keyed up, literally-just-met-his-mother Keith might actually kill him.

“Lance, how do you-”

“Babe, wait.” He held his hands up in defense. “I can explain!”

Hmm...going for a workout to get rid of some of those reunion jitters, huh? Now, who does that sound like?

[onlyjihoons]

demon!jihoon

a/n; very much inspired by jihoon's demonic lenses he wore here?? and this prompt!i would also like to thank @hwinkinghwi for the demonic(?) moodboard hehe,,,happy early halloween!

jihoon is one of the most cunning demons

he would actually use his ungodly looks to his advantage to get his way

almost everything his goddamn face will make people give in/compromise

sometimes he uses his evil to help kids out

like, he sees a kid being bullied at a playground or something, he would give retribution by shoving sand down the bully's shirt??

(i have no idea how demons work so please spare me)

but other than that jihoon is pretty cynical

when he disguises himself as a mortal, he looks normal, until you look at his eyes,,,

theyre a light blue

they arent even contacts, like theyre just his eye colour

people just believe his lie that those are prescription contacts LOL

jihoon is being notorious for the senior who uses his looks to get through anything and everything

but not his grades lmao

so he's two years older than the kids taking their college entrance exam

basically he just wasted 2 years of his life in school

but he just wants to live off fellow demon!seongwoo,, so he just, doesnt study and goes to school

but seongwoo found out about it,, and made sure jihoon spends his legit last year in high school or jihoon would be ugly in his next life LOL

you're a senior in high school, trying to make the best out of your dying grades

you do know jihoon, but avoid communication as you're an angel

like legit,, angel

you were an angel thanks to your mother, who was involved in the heaven

and she wanted you to live a sin-free life as much as possible

ok now back to avoiding jihoon

why avoid communication?

for a simple reason;

you had a crush on him

and the rule of thumb your mother bestowed upon you was

"you can date anyone but demons"

and you were well aware jihoon was a demon, as your halo(which was invisible to the eyes of mortals) were blinking whenever jihoon would be near you

and you just didnt like the idea of dating a handsome asshole

fun fact: jihoon used to be an angel until he was involved in the 101, which made him evil

you knew jihoon relatively well due to the fact he used to be an angel

he was your childhood friend

always protecting you and looking out for you

your crush on him developed even before he became a demon, and didnt falter even when he wasnt a angel

but the both of you grew distant as your mother would warn you not to play with fire

you were taking a media studies elective as a subject and there was a coursework you had to do

which involved acting w a partner of the opposite gender

and to your luck, jihoon was the only student in the class who took media studies

not knowing anything between the both of you, your teacher assigned the both of you as partners LOL

to make things worse, the story was

romeo and juliet

how ironic lmaoooo

meaning, you had to kiss jihoon

or rather, jihoon had to kiss you

because your teacher chose the last scene, which had the least lines, for the both of you to "ensure your distinctions"

and the both of you just had to bite the bullet and take it because you'd want to graduate from school quickly and attempt to wash the sins of kissing jihoon away by doing more good things in college

while jihoon just wanted to get this thing done and over with

you told your mom about it, she was okay with it, but she still warned you not to fall for jihoon

though, your dad is a demonxangel

its a given that you and jihoon had to stay after school to run through the script

and every time you and jihoon renact the last scene, your breath hitches in your throat and you hiccup

or on days where you just burst out laughing and accidentally spit on jihoon

he actually wasnt that mad about it because 1. he knew how hard it was to keep one's composure in a kiss scene WITH THEIR CRUSH

2. he just thought you were cute

despite jihoon not kissing you for practices

which you were thankful for or else you cant sleep at night

until,,, the day of the assesment

everything went fairly smoothly, and the dreaded kiss of life was very soon approaching you

you thought jihoon wouldnt kiss you like he did in practices

bitch you thought

he kissed you on the lips and you were trying your best not to shoot your eyes open in shock

and of course,, the kiss of life received a standing ovation from the teachers who were really impressed

because most students dont actually kiss lmao

so you had to drag jihoon aside after yhe assesment and he had that stupid smile on his face

"cant you see i like you???"

you were stunned and also happy

but you had to keep your promis to your mom

"im sorry jihoon, i cant be your girlfriend"

boy he was shocked because he was never rejected

"why?"

"because," you bit your lip, contemplating wheter to tell jihoon

"because??"

"angels and demons cant be together," was all you said before leaving jihoon hanging

you and jihoon never talked until,,, halloween

which, you decided to go as yourself to your friend's halloween party at universal studios

you wore a plain white dress,, and wore a halo headband

pretty basic and simple but you really didnt care and just tried to dress nicely

apparently her parents rented the whole theme park for a private party lol

your friend was asking why you didnt bring jihoon along as your "plus one"

and you just shrugged,

"shit happened and we arent really talking anymore"

she got the hint immediately and stopped mentioning jihoon

meanwhile, jihoon was also dressed as himself

his hair was dyed a lighter blonde and wore a v neck black button up w ripped jeans,,,,,, and wore a choker on his neck too

basically all-black and looking good as heck

when he arrived every girl turned their heads and were shookt

like he barely needed to do anything to look THAT good

"a demon" was what he replied,, but he was laughing inside as people dont know his real identity

he was just enjoying the atmosphere of halloween where people dressed up and didnt care if their make up was shit,, its halloween anyway

he was just chilling and walking around w fellow demon!baejin when he saw someone carrying a girl in a white dress,,,

and that girl in a white dress seemed too familiar...

that when it clicked and he had to abandon baejin to save you

when he stopped the figure holding you, he ripped off its mask and revealed someone he wouldnt expect

lai guanlin

"guanlin, what are you doing?"

"i..i can explain--"

"explain what? drugging y/n and bringing her somewhere to hurt her?!" 

at this point jihoon was really really angry, his irises turned red

"who made you do this?”

“i can’t tell you--”

“im severing all ties with you if you dont tell me.”

“okay okay! seongwoo-hyung made me do it,, he just wanted to mess with you. nothing poisonous was fed to y/n! i swear!”

jihoon could only sigh and roll his eyes, as he motioned guanlin to come closer to him

and when he did, he twisted guanlin’s ear, making the younger groan in pain,,, while still holding onto you LOL

“help seongwoo-hyung again and not only your ears would be red,” jihoon snapped, as guanlin helped to load you on jihoon’s back

jihoon was contemplating where to bring you to,,, in this state where you were fast asleep

he decided to bring you back to your home

of course, with you on his back was pretty crazy

people were staring at him, thinking that he got a girl drunk lmao

but some people were noticing how cute he was and he’d just blush and try to hide his face??

meanwhile you were still sleeping, and jihoon made your head lean on his shoulder

and it was quite a scene bc a literal angel leaning on a literal demon’s shoulders??? p sadistic but cute at the same time

he knew the exact route to your house because it was almost like muscle memory,, he always came over to your house during the weekends when the both of you were childhood friends

when jihoon knocked on the door he was pretty nervous to how your mom would react

“y/n youre--jihoon?”

“sorry you have to see this, but y/n got drugged by someone... i saw her and i had to save her”

“ah, i see...” your mom was weirdly happy that no one but jihoon saved you??

“her room is the last bedroom to the right...” your mom pointed, “i think you should stay over, it’s quite late.”

“but i don’t have any clothes...” jihoon smiled nervously 

tbh how is he not tired after holding you for so long;)

“its fine! daniel has some clothes he cant wear anymore, you can use those.”

casually slips in olderbrother!daniel

jihoon was reminded of the times where your mom would take care of him p well, he was so touched that her heart didnt change over the years despite being a demon himself

“thank you mrs y/l/n, please rest early too!”

thats when your mom muttered something about him calling her mom

“excuse me?”

“yeah i will sleep soon, when daniel comes home.”

as jihoon entered your room, it was clean, and like a typical teenage girl’s room, with fairy lights and wall decorated with polariod pictures

after he settled you on your bed, he looked around your room and spotted a picture of the both of you amidst all the polariods

it was the both of you during your freshman year,, he took you to smoothie king because you were having a bad day

he smiled, but then sighed at the thought that your mother didnt allow you to date demons

but she was liking him so much she wanted yall to get married right there

all he could do was kiss your forehead and ruffle your hair

when he was about to leave he felt something tugging on his arm

“don’t go...” 

you were sleeptalking lmao

jihoon hence slept at the side on your bed, while holding your hand

the next morning, you woke up to a weight on your hand, and you saw a blonde head 

you were surprised so you screamed

and you woke jihoon in the process

“w-what”

“what are you doing here?”

“well...” jihoon scratched his head sheepishly 

“...”

“what-- y/n! i know im a demon but no, i would never do that”

“then?! what are you doing here, in my room, in your...outfit”

“because you told me to stay??” jihoon raised his eyebrows

shit he heard that, you cursed internally

“but thank you for saving me.” you blushed

“that’s it?” jihoon smirked, “no thank you kiss?”

“what?why?”

“because you are mine.”

shit i cringed so hard but smth jihoon would say tbh

“but my mom--”

he then interrupted your words with a kiss, which worked

“i can bet you my life saving that she is peeping at us right now,” jihoon whispered

and yes she was, peeking at the both of you and you could see her punching the air in victory

dating demon!jihoon is just like dating a huge fluffball

and takes revenges on your behalf if anyone dares to hurt/offend you

but sometimes hes hella r u d e 

like randomly flipping his hair and winking

and whenever he trips,,

“i think i fell for you”

like p l e a s e  s t o p

still has the innocence in him despite being a demon

like lighting up in front of candy

and buying you stuff in a non-evil way

your mother openly supports your relationship with jihoon

like 

“yes yall my son in law is jihoon,, isnt he handsome??”

and you had to shut her up everytime she starts talking about jihoon

sometimes you wonder if she forgot that youre her child and not jihoon

overall, a relationship most wouldn’t expect but still ship together

[adelmortescryche]

YOI Fantasy Week - Day Three

AN: It’s pretty obvious that I missed the actual day of the prompt, for a whole host of reasons that I doubt anyone wants to hear on a fic post. Here’s hoping a late post is okay, @yoifantasyweek, I’ll get the post for day four out soon, since it’s ready to submit as well. Here’s my promptfill for fairy and mischief.

Premise: Completely AU. Fairy!Victor, Fairy!Yuri P., Werewolf!Leo, Human-with-Supernatural-Sight!Yuuri. Think something along the lines of Natsume from NatsuYuu or Watanuki from xxxholic.

Yuuri wakes up one morning to find a fairy cleaning his apartment. He’s not quite sure how to break it to the fairy that Yuuri can see him. Shenanigans ensue.

Fantasy Week Promptfills: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

There’s a child in his apartment.

Yuuri blinked blearily, unable to believe his eyes. The sight was strange enough that he actually turned around to walk into the washroom, headed for the cold water. One splash of ice cold water to the face had him gasping in shock, but at least it was enough to prove to him that he was actually awake.

Except for the fact that, when he warily peeked out the door, the teen’s still there, busily wiping down Yuuri’s bookshelves, his face screwed up in concentration with his tongue peeking out just the slightest. It’s adorable, yes, but also very unnerving. How in the world had a child –

That’s about the point at which he registered the translucent pair of wings attached to the youth’s shoulder blades, their join to his skin and muscle clearly visible because of the low-cut neck on his shirt. The length of his hair, hanging long and loose over his back, had managed to hide the deceptively frail looking wings all too well.

Oh. That explained it.

Yuuri sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. At least now he knew he wasn’t hallucinating. Instead of bothering to waste any more time thinking about it, he’d already woken later than he really should have, he just turned right around to get ready for the day.

*

It went something like this – Yuuri had always been able to see strange things, ever since he’d been a child. Whether a gift or a curse, he was probably lucky that he hadn’t been born a few generations before his own, because most supernatural beings were more interested in blending in with the changed world and enjoying it than not, these day days.

Which wasn’t to say that they weren’t dangerous, oh no – Yuuri knew better than to go and insult any ayakashi that might decide to have him for a meal instead of politely ignoring him. But the good thing about living in the modern age was that he’d be more likely to run into a yuki onna sitting beside him on the bleachers of an ice rink and watching an ice show than he would be to run into something with too many teeth and a taste for blood in the dark.

By the time he’d hit his teens, nearly any supernatural presence in or around Hasetsu had known to watch out for him. Or, at the very least, knew not to be offended by any social faux pas on his part, because, it had to be said. For all that he could get into the strangest of awkward situations with humans? He could get into a whole lot of weirder ones with people who weren’t.

*

He still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to tell the fairy busily tidying up his apartment each day that Yuuri could see him. He was also too scared to offer him something in return – Yuuri’d done that at an undergrad friend’s home once, figuring it could only be kind to leave them something to eat and drink in return since his friend’s parents certainly couldn’t know they were around. And the next thing he knew, his friend was grumbling about how her visit back home for Thanksgiving had coincided with the end of whatever had been keeping her parents’ place miraculously neat all the time.

That had been enough to confirm that, no, he really didn’t know how to work with non-human races that weren’t Japanese. He’d spent the rest of his days in college quietly avoiding anything even remotely non-human.

It should have been enough to keep him going until he returned to Hasetsu. The plan had been to head back home after he finished his coursework, seeing as he had traveled abroad to get a degree and then get back. But then he’d been offered a spot in the graduate program, and the next thing he knew, he was being transferred to the labs at another University on a recommendation.

Apparently he was good at chemistry. Who knew.

Yuuri was still relatively new to the area – he hadn’t even had the chance to go around to see which the spots to avoid after dark were, or which places sold the best food. On the flipside, anyway. Those questions were easier to answer when you stuck to the human world. Of course, after trying your first helping of kitsune prepared oden, you’d never want to stick to the human world alone. Yuuri liked good food enough that he was willing to take the risk. Even if he amused way too many people while taking those risks.

No, really, this one time he managed to land himself and a couple of drunk classmates at a goblin bar-

Anyway.

Another night of binge watching crime shows on his laptop because his next class hadn’t been till 2pm meant another day of waking up late to find the silver haired fairy cheerily bustling about, straightening things out, cleaning any and all flat surfaces and even fluffing out the large throw cushions Yuuri had spread out around his living room. For all that Yuuri’s brain still screamed ‘teen in my apartment!’ in horror whenever he saw the fairy, youthful features aside, the ‘teen’ was probably older than Yuuri’s parents. Heck, for all that he looked like he was seventeen, that probably correlated with seventeen centuries or something. Yuuri’d met a few youkai who looked like they belonged in elementary school while they were a couple millennia old, after all.

Youthfully pretty face and much-appreciated house cleaning aside, Yuuri wished he knew what he should do. It hadn’t even been two weeks and he’d already returned home some weekends to find his fridge fully stocked with fresh food. He was almost afraid to know what would happen in the span of another few months.

Really, even if he couldn’t thank the fairy, he wished he at least knew his name. Yuuri’s late mornings plus his long running days and the fairy’s relatively early start on cleaning things up meant that, most of the time, he felt like he had a roommate that he saw every morning in passing and who was already in bed by the time he returned home. Which just made him feel like a heel. Even if that’s exactly how he’d interacted with any roommate he’d had till date, except for Phichit.

Honestly? He didn’t have any experiences quite like this one, so he felt like he was floundering in the deep end without a float. And having the fairy bob around looking pretty and cleaning up behind him had started to make Yuuri feel like a voyeur. He didn’t even want to know what his family would have to say about it, really, if he ever worked up the courage to ask them for advice. So he just kept his mouth shut, and avoided being in the living room whenever the fairy was about.

*

Staring dumbly into his coffee for too long while the fairy puttered about in his kitchen one morning brought on another unexpected realization – for all that he had no clue what was going on and why the fairy had picked his brand new apartment to keep neat and tidy, the fairy? Knew Yuuri’s name quite well.

“Oh, Yuuri, shouldn’t you be in class already?” he asked, completely out of the blue, sounding fond, and Yuuri was probably lucky he hadn’t been drinking the previously mentioned coffee. Else he’d have choked.

*

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Leo,” Yuuri found himself explaining a few months down the line to the werewolf he’d run into and become friends with at the closest actual coffee shop to campus. Leo’d been having a hairier day than usual. Yuuri’d seen that happen a bunch of times while at college, so he’d absentmindedly told Leo to watch his wolf if he didn’t want to get caught out.

Poor Leo’d almost had a heart attack. Yuuri had to resort to buying him a big mocha with lots of marshmallows and whipped cream plus a big chocolate muffin before he could convince the teen he wasn’t a bounty hunter of some sort. Not that all the sugar offered for free had helped his case any, but the clear familiarity Yuuri had with the barista had calmed Leo down enough to listen.

In the present, Leo was laughing his ass off, wheezing helplessly for breath into his sickeningly sweet coffee, and was clearly not going to be of any help to Yuuri. Heck, he was lucky that Leo wouldn’t share the tale with their less fantastically inclined friends. Who knew what Phichit would have done with the information. There were times Yuuri wished he’d confided in his best friend already, but the fairy situation had made him relieved that he hadn’t.

“Maybe you should just, oh, I don’t know, tap him on the shoulder one morning? Go ‘yo, fairy dude, you’re awesome and all, thanks for cleaning my apartment, but I think I’d like to get your number now.’” Leo offered up with a wide grin, once he’d calmed down.

Yuuri stared back at him in wordless distaste. All it did was make Leo topple over onto the extended seat beside him, shaking with laughter all over again.

“You should probably do something about it, dude, I mean. I’m pretty sure I saw that coat stand in a magazine Guang Hong was reading once. Definitely isn’t in line with your tastes. That can’t be good.” Leo told him seriously, much later in the evening, when they were already halfway through a six pack.

Yuuri blinked at the chair-stand-thing that Leo was helpfully gesturing at with his can. And realized, after a long moment, that he’d never seen the monstrosity before in his life.

*

The fairy kept shooting him sad looks, the next morning. Yuuri, still hungover after the previous night - because finding out your helpful apartment cleaning fairy had decided to start stocking your apartment with designer furniture and brand name clothing for you, free of charge, called for drinks stiffer than cheapass beer - couldn’t figure out why until he noticed the way the fairy kept shooting Leo dirty looks.

Leo, still passed out on Yuuri’s couch, had nothing to say on the matter, either way.

Maybe the fairy just didn’t like werewolves?

*

(Sure, he was just going to go ahead and keep telling himself that.)

*

Things came to a head when another morning, while Yuuri was busy working on a report he needed to hand in, a tiny blond fairy burst into his apartment like a tornado.

“VICTOR!” he snarled, making Yuuri almost fall off of the couch in surprise, “YOU’RE HERE, I KNOW YOU ARE!”

Yuuri’s fairy, who was apparently named Victor, of all things, stuck his head out from Yuuri’s bedroom, brows already lowered in disapproval.

“Yura, I spoke to Yakov and told him that I wouldn’t be coming back! What are you doing here?”

Yuuri stared at the tiny fairy in fascination, hands paused over his laptop’s keyboard. He looked like he could have been anywhere between ten or thirteen, and Yuuri didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone puff up and turn quite that red before. Not outside anime, anyway.

“YOU OWE ME A PROGRAM! And here you are, hiding away inside some human’s house, playing at being a fucking brownie!”

“Hey now. You’re being disrespectful to brownies.” Victor countered with a smile that looked like a bare blade leveled back at the younger fairy.

“I. DON’T. CARE. YOU OWE ME!”

Victor actually sighed at that, roughly shoving his long silvery hair up and off his face with one hand, looking thoroughly irritated.

“If the choreography is all you want you could have just waited at my apartment instead of following my aura here. Yuuri has work to do! He’s been looking so stressed lately!”

Yuuri nodded along with him in agreement, and turned his attention back to his report. Well, he supposed the fairies could sort it out. It wasn’t like he could actually contribute to their conversation, anyway.

“Yakov said that all you could do was talk about your stupid human, and like a fool I didn’t believe him. I needed to see it with my own eyes! That dumb bacchanal was almost a whole year ago, old man!”

Wait, what?

Yuuri’s head whipped around fast enough that it actually gave him a crick in his neck. It was probably for the best that the other two were so absorbed in their argument, else they’d have noticed him for sure. Victor was actually going red in the face, his wings fluttering slightly in a motion that looked unconscious.

Yuuri’s hurriedly turned his attention back to his laptop, getting chrome open and typing the word in, hoping against hope that his brain had defined it wrong.

“This has nothing to do with the bacchanal! Yuuri was so nice to everyone, I don’t think he even wanted to be there, he just walked in with some other humans on campus and all he wanted to do was dance! He was so sweet!” Victor snapped, and Yuuri nearly heaved a sigh of relief. Especially since the definition google was flashing at him were not comforting.

Yura sneered, though.

“HAH! All he wanted to do was dance, was it. Sure didn’t fucking look like that’s all he wanted to do when you climbed him like a fucking tr-!”

“OKAY I think that’s enough!” Yuuri yelped, slamming the lip of his laptop shut, and making both fairies scream and throw their arms around each other in shock.

Or, well. That’s what Victor had done. Yura was fighting desperately to get out of his octopus-like grip, cursing all the while, but both were looking about as wide eyed as Yuuri, who stared back at them over the back of the couch, still reeling under the fact that he’d actually spoken up.

The tableau remained the same for a split second or so before Yura roared, shoving Victor away and pointing a finger at Yuuri dramatically.

“You can see us!”

Yuuri blinked back at him, not sure what he’d been expected, but it hadn’t been that.

“Er. Yes?”

“Wait, you can see us?!” Victor yelped, bouncing back out of the bedroom, where he’d been flung by Yura’s violent escape.

“Yes?”

All three of them stared at each other for another long moment, before Victor actually squeaked, covering his face in horror. Yura just kept pointing, though his jaw had dropped a little. Yuuri cleared his throat, and forced himself to get up, quietly edging his way around them to head to the kitchen. Tea couldn’t hurt, right? Maybe something stronger, too, if he could get away with it.

At least Leo’d gotten him a bottle of some absolutely killer mead. As a joke, Yuuri supposed, but fairies should like that, right? Since it was honey based? It wasn’t like he knew what fairies liked to drink. They were a lot less mixed in with human society than the other races he’d run into over the years.

Fuck whatever they wanted, anyway. After that little conversation he’d overheard, Yuuri needed a drink.

*

“I knew you wouldn’t remember anything,” Victor explained awkwardly, once he’d convinced Yura, Yuri, and wasn’t that hilarious, to leave, “humans never do. That’s how bacchanals work, it’s hard to remember what happens at them. Most everyone’s happier than way.”

“Please tell me I didn’t have drunken and drugged sex with you under an open night sky with a whole lot of other people going at it in the background. Please.” Yuuri whimpered back, head buried in his hands.

Victor choked out a laugh, and patted him comfortingly on the shoulder.

“No, no you didn’t,” he assured, tone coy.

Yuuri suspiciously peered at the fairy from over the tips of his fingers. Victor was smirking, his wings all but quivering in glee, and Yuuri just had to cover his face again.

“I’m not sure if I believe you.” He grunted, words half muffled against his palms. He didn’t move them until Victor carefully curled his fingers around Yuuri’s wrists and gently tugged his hands down and away from his face.

“Hi, I’m Victor.” He said, once Yuuri was willing to look him in the face. It made Yuuri blink in surprise, and snort out a laugh, unable to help himself.

“’Hi, I’m Victor’? Seriously?”

Victor scowled at him, shaking his hands reproachfully.

“Hey, at least I’m trying. Unlike a certain someone who watched me walk around his apartment for nearly six months before saying he could see me.”

Yuuri flushed enough at that that he could actually feel the heat radiating from his face. The reaction had Victor grinning with delight, going as far as to let go of one of Yuuri’s hands so he could poke a finger in Yuuri’s cheek playfully.

“Hey, stop that,” Yuuri found himself groaning, once he managed to get his face under control again. And once he managed to get a hand up to drag Victor’s fingers away from his face, too. “Hey. Victor!”

“You should be saying ‘Hi, I’m Yuuri,’ right about now,” Victor said helpfully, grin not moving an inch, playfully wriggling the fingers.

Yuuri sighed, and agreeably, if a little exasperatedly, parroted the words back.

The answering heart shaped grin and the ‘wow, amazing!’ he got in response made the situation a bit more bearable, at least. Only a bit, though.

Hey, at least he wouldn’t have to feel like a voyeur any more. And telling Mari about it would provide his sister with enough ammunition for the next few years that he suspected that he’d be able to get away with anything short of murder the next time he was in Hasetsu, now. Win-win.

*

Omake:

“No, but really, we’ve got to talk about that suit you stashed in my wardrobe – it’s even in my size!”

“Well, I’d been hoping I’d get to see you put it on. Wink wink, nudge nudge.”

“Victor, you absolute dork, you said that out loud.”

“Wink wink, nudge nudge.”

“And acting the words out while saying them doesn’t make you any less dorky.”

[anonymoonsthoughts]

☼16

[18.11.20]

C/W SWEARING AND INFLICTING PAIN

T/W death

I’m seriously going to scream into my pillow today😃😃I’ve had enough of people and I’ve enough of everything. I want to get out of here so badly.

IDK IF I’M JUST BEING SALTY OR PETTY BUT I JUST UGHHHHGBGUB

I should be continuing my coursework but this is making me go✈ vexed hours

Let’s start the morning. Went school by myself because someone is incapable at waking up at a specific time. This isn’t the first time. It was relatively ok till [REDACTED] came in. My head was just filled with “aren’t you going to apologise that you’re late and made me wait??”. Nothing. No apology. And this is the same person who constantly changes the time we meet: from 7:20, to 7:25 and now to 7:30. 

You may be thinking “Moon tf chill out it’s just a 10 minute difference”. The bus I take to school is one of the most crowded buses from 7:30 to 8:15. And why do I know this ✨experience✨ Not only that but there is a mass amount of students that get on along with adults travelling for work. 

Anyway, later in the day I was explaining what it means to be queer and why I not really comfortable on labelling myself AND SHE FUCKING GOES “Oh if you likes girls and boys that means you are bi not queer”.

 First things first- 1. who are you to tell me what i identify as🧍🏿‍♀️😀I’m sorry last time I checked, you generally don’t understand what umbrella terms are. 2. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICKING FUCK I WILL MAKE SURE YOU BASH YOUR PINKIE TOE EVERY MONDAY YOU WAKE UP. And 3rd of all-WHAT??!?!? Are you even hearing yourself speak?????? Like generally asking. In that very moment I had become a heterophobe. Did I ignore her? Yes. What is with hets not understanding anything??? Do I have to give a book for you to understand society ignores the lgbtq+ community or do i have to the extra mile and explain it in dumb dumb form?????? JUST GENERALLY ASKING. It’s not hard respecting what I refer to myself as... You have to understand me, just respect my preferences. Next challenge is explaining why I don’t mind any pronouns people use on me. 

Another thing that got on my nerves today is😆😜✨English resit classes💕💖 😍🥰 I’ve already done the exam in the first November and all I have to do is wait till January for results. So why do I have to still go to the classes? And let’s say that I did fail, the next one is in July. Just to clarify, for the preparations for the exam was rushed. We weren't given a mock in between and how do you expect students who haven’t been in school for over 6 months to do a test??? Yes I completely understand that it is best that we stay in English as a class but why? We can simply catch up those two months of work with 6 months of work spread out evenly. And on top of that we can also have a mock in between in addition to understanding which questions we are weak at. 

The main problem of these English resit classes is the timing. WHY ARE MAJORITY OF THE LESSONS DURING 6TH PERIOD. All students in the class are also film students. The subject we take is very practical and editing will take up to more than 2 hours depending on the duration of each video. For us who have only recently starting learning how to use the editing program THIS DRAGSSSS ON. Our film teacher only allows to come during 6th periods and where do the EngR classes lie? 6th period. Do you see the problem?

Another problem is that our subjects we take are heavily coursework-based. This means hours, I mean HOURS required to complete over 12 pages worth of coursework. It took me 12 pages to finish one section😃😃with a lack of sleep that came with it. Science really said 2 for the price of 1. In a nutshell the cycle goes as followed: EngR->coming home later than usual ->less time to scream into my pillow every day->less time to unwind myself and relax->less time taken to sleep due to late nights->comes to school tired->lack of sleep leads to a lack of focus during classes->will probably knock out during a class->no work produced-> goes home tired->sleeps immediately without doing work->work not finished->trouble with teachers I COULD GO ONNNNNN . And that’s on ☆*: English resits:*☆ 

See I would complain to my mum about it, but she’d literally side with the teacher. Is she an enemy during situations like this? Yes. Professional guilt tripper? Yes. I seriously not kidding when I say she is one heck of a guilt tripper. During parents evenings, she’d pull the “ I work so late and when I come back she is not doing any of her work and blah blah she doesn't do anything she is always on her phone yadadadadah”. This is coming from the person who one of many reasons I cry so much lately. She does not care for me. That’s an exaggeration- more of: I stay in the living room, sleeps at irregular times, never knows what I’m doing in my room when I’m doing work, gun to my head making do something in the healthcare industry, MAIN REASON WHY I’M NOT EMOTIONALLY STABLE and I can go on and on and OOONNNNN. 

I generally want to kill myself. Life is just too exhausting at this point. I don’t self-harm because I hate inflicting pain on myself. If the day comes when I start cutting myself, then I’ve probably lost all hope of living. 

I’ll end this here before I start having meltdowns and continuous breakdown of tears. I’d talk more about this but I need to sleep

[northeastern-allison]

Thank you so much for answering my previous question it helped a lot! I was wondering if you can expand upon the workload in the pharmacy program too. Everyone says it's VERY rigorous; I think that's another reason why I'm a little hesitant on majoring in pharmacy. My chemistry teacher wasn't the best so I'm not sure how good I actually am in chem. What other subjects do you think a person in pharmacy should be strong in? And how do you manage your time between studying and socializing??

Hi anon!

I’m glad that I was of some help :) 

You are correct in thinking that the workload for pharmacy program is rigorous. Especially given the fact that Northeastern consolidates the curriculum into an accelerated 6 years. And there are a lot of things going into that period of time. 

I want to try to alleviate your hesitations somewhat though. 

The core classes in the first two years are broad and introductory level - biology, chemistry, (organic and general), physics, calculus, writing, psych, etc. All of these can be waived out of with AP or IB credits if applicable. Also a lot of people have initial hesitations about their background in science courses, usually chemistry. But that shouldn’t be a deterrent because Northeastern is really great about finding support for you in classes if you need it. Not everyone is going to start off as a science whiz or having had really strong background from back in high school. Some people that I know who have started out in that kind of situation managed to make it right through that wall in the first two years and are doing absolutely fine in their pharmacy-relevant courses now. 

Third year is where it starts getting a little more interesting and pharmacy-relevant as you start diving into the drugs themselves with classes like pharmacology and pharmaceutics. And the fourth and fifth year is focused for the most part on therapeutics - learning about disease states and how we can best treat/manage them. Along the way, there will be other healthcare-related courses as well such as learning about the health system in the US, biostatistics and pharmacokinetics. 

There are always a lot of things going on in terms of course load every semester. I’m going to be honest - being successful in pharmacy does require a certain level of dedication and effort. There is a lot of information to take in and learning to apply all of it is absolutely key to being a pharmacist. But again there is always a baseline level of support. You will be moving along the curriculum with the same cohort of students throughout the year. The same 120 or so students will be together for all the core classes in the latter half of the program. The faculty and staff are always willing and open to answer questions and help out as well and offer a lot of resources if you need them. 

Again, if at some point, you find that pharmacy just isn’t the right fit for you, then Northeastern makes it easy to transition into other programs. That’s also something I’ve seen some of my friends do. 

Biology and chemistry are definitely the focal points of pharmacy. Math skills should be a strong point too but the maximum you’re going to need is … probably some early calculus for pharmacokinetics but most of the time you really just need to know how to deal with your basic mathematical operations and ratios/proportion/percentages. Also not a subject but having strong writing and speaking skills are definitely a bonus - but those are things that you’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice during your time here. Honestly I am a huge proponent of strong writing and speaking skills as a pharmacist. A person could be able to learn all the information in the world about every drug and all the disease states but being a pharmacist means you’re going to have to convey that information somehow, someway to other people, whether they’re patients or other medical professionals. 

Lastly - the school-life balance. Ah yes - the ever-ubiquitous question. And the two words I always answer with? Time management. (Let me just bold it for effect.)

It is so, so, so important to be able to manage your time effectively while in college. I don’t think that’s even enough ‘so’s to highlight the degree of importance. It’s not just about making deadlines for classes and assignments, although there’ll be plenty of that. It’s making use of your time so that you have the chance to relax and do things unrelated to coursework to give your brain a break. College is going to have so much more free time compared to high school. You might have days where you’ll only have one class to go to or days where you might have no classes at all. So it’s important to plan things accordingly and to use the time strategically so that you can get things done throughout the day rather than leaving everything for the evening and … that’s when the all-nighters start to kick in. 

But of course you need to squeeze in socializing form time to time as well! A lot of people join clubs and organizations for that. Or even the sports clubs for the athletically inclined. It’ll make your life a whole lot easier (and less stressful) if you plan ahead and lay out your schedule for the day or even the week. I used to juggle classes, working part time at a previous co-op site, tutoring, giving campus tours, working as a mentor, volunteering and a whole lot of other things. Was I pretty much always on the move? Yes I was. But all of it was only possible because I set out a schedule for myself to get things done before it got overwhelming. 

[Co-ops are a great way to sort of decompress from the semesters of classes actually … at least that’s how it felt to me. No lectures or exams or quizzes or projects to worry about for 4 months …] 

Time management processes differ for each person so once you find something that works for you, stick with it and it’ll make college so much better. 

Okay this turned into one heck of an essay again. But I hoped that this helped you somewhat. Let me know if there are any other questions! :) 

[vaguemagick-blog]

I know it's not my business, but I was wondering if you were an adult. Like, the way your mentor sounds by saying "just what are you doing on tumblr" seems a bit shrill, and kind of controlling. I'm asking about your age, because if you happen to be a minor, I'd say you should maybe find a different mentor. Of course, this is all based off of a TINY Facebook message.

It’s okay, I understand your concern - thanks for sending this ask!

To answer your question, I’m actually an adult. I’ll be twenty on September 4th, but I’ve always been aware that I’m kind of immature for my age. I still cry easily and act like a moody kid a lot of the time. I may be legally able to vote, but I sure as heck don’t FEEL like I can handle adulting. I mean, it’s pretty obvious I can’t, since I’m still trying to just graduate from high school.

My Aunt Penelope (she basically raised me since my mom is gone) is always giving me a hard time about it and pointing out all the things other people my age are doing that I haven’t done yet, like graduating and going to college and working jobs. Penelope’s always saying I’m incredibly immature and childish and all that, and she blames me for not having graduated yet. I guess it IS my fault, though, so she’s right about that.

It’s not that I have trouble understanding the material at school or anything, but I was held back twice because well, it hurts to admit it, but I just stopped showing up for school. I would tell Penelope I was going to school, and just go off to the library to read or walk around the city park, anywhere I could go to avoid people.

That’s why I didn’t want to go to school, basically - the other students were always really awful to me. A lot of the people in this area know about my mom and what happened with her, and just the whole mess of my family situation, so they just give me a hard time about it, and I guess I couldn’t handle it, so I stopped going to school a couple times.

I’ve been going regularly for the past few months, though, and I’m doing accelerated coursework, so hopefully I’ll finally graduate from high school just before turning twenty. :-/ Still even with a diploma I doubt I’ll feel like a responsible person.

The thing about Leda, though… you might find this surprising since you only saw a small chat snippet, but she’s actually usually very respectful of me and my autonomy (I guess that’s the right word). Part of the reason I chose to study with her is that she (UNLIKE MY AUNT) always treats me like a full person and doesn’t constantly put me down for not graduating or being too emotional.

I DO realize that I need to be careful when choosing who to interact with online, and she has a point about that. I trust her for the most part, though. I mean, Leda has never given me bad advice before, really, and she does respect my decisions even if we don’t agree (most of them - she has some requirements for students, though). We talked a little bit longer last night and she said that while she doesn’t think Tumblr is safe, she understands why I want to be on this site and (sort of) supports that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that yes, Leda is a little weird and overprotective, but at least she’s nice about it. I’ve had some people be really awful to me in the past, including my Aunt Penelope (who is like the only relative I have), and it’s really refreshing and appealing to me to be able to discuss magick on semi-equal terms with Leda, who doesn’t constantly belittle me like everyone else.

[francescomessina-blog1]

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