#I see it blazed too. generally I only see garbage from blaze but I also see quite untrue claims about what can and can't be blazed.

[inazuma-fulgur]

I will also defend trans men here, I see vitriol about both just by different people.

Men, and women keeping proximity to men in media/political circles, target trans women for being predators and for mutilating themselves

Same for trans men actually, just by women and men keeping a proximity to those women. This one is a little weird though, because trans men post transition are predators and trans men pre transition are always victims who are tricked into mutilating themselves.

This isn't just on tv, this is stuff my neighbors and coworkers tell me. Austensibly, in my experience, cis women are negative towards trans men and largely neutral or positive towards trans women, whereass cis men are negative towards both

Non binary people don't even exist because they don't touch on the framework people use to understand themselves, so they can just be denied and don't require any arguments beyond "lmao silly"

[gaykarstaagforever]

FREE ON YOUTUBE

Murder by Death (1976)

A weird little guy invites five world-famous detectives to his spooky mansion for the weekend, to see if he can outwit them once and for all. Silliness and charmingly lame jokes ensue. And if you're at least a casual fan of 20th century English-language detective fiction / movies up to 1976, you'll appreciate the characters and genre tropes being parodied / taken down here.

While not as raucously funny as other comedy movies from this era (like Airplane! and Blazing Saddles, assuming that era's comedy works for you at all), the Neil Simon script is consistently chuckle-worthy, with some genuine lol moments. There is one joke involving Peter Falk firing a gun and having to go to the bathroom that is one of the stupidest, funniest things I have ever seen, almost entirely because of how he delivers it. Seriously, the whole movie is worth watching just for that.

Speaking of Peter Falk, the cast is Hollywood royalty, many of them reprising crime-solving characters in parody that they were at this point famous for. Special note to James Coco as the Hercule Peroit parody Milo Perrier, one of the few actors who seems to get the tone the screenplay is trying for, so he is perpetually funny. And of course Peter Falk as Sam Diamond, being absolutely perfect as Columbo doing Humphrey Bogart doing Sam Spade. Falk was never not 110%, and that's also true here. Truman Capote, playing the principal antagonist, is...well. He was never a great actor. But he's certainly being Truman Capote and that kind of makes up for it.

Also special shout-out to Estelle Winwood, who at 93 is bright-eyed and sharp enough to make an extended fart joke funny.

(That woman died eight years after this, two years after I was born. She was born in 1883 and debuted on Broadway in 1916. Amazing.)

The big black mark on this is Peter Sellers as Sidney Wang, doing his awful stupid Charlie Chan Tojo "me so solly" yellowface garbage. Obviously his history of doing this character like this, to pop culture acclaim, was enough to get him into this movie doing it, WELL PAST the point where it was in any way acceptable. The movie knows that, sort of, and tries to Tropic Thunder it by making his behavior an object of (too) light scorn, while also pairing him with an "adopted Japanese son," played by Japanese-American actor Richard Narita. It is still utterly awkward and gross, redeemed only slightly by the fact that Sellers is a good actor so he gives Wang genuine depth of character, despite the rest of this. That is in no way a defense, and it is still terrible. Just slightly less terrible, maybe? Relatively?

With all of the magical realism and trope tear-downs in this plot, I kept expecting by the end that someone would reveal Sellers as a character perpetuating a racist fraud. But they aren't brave enough to do that. Real shame.

Also there are no Holmes and Watson parodies here, which seems like a glaring omission. Wikipedia says they cut scenes from the original screenplay which would have had them either show up right at the end, after the crime has already been solved, or near the end, and then solve it. These were apparently cut because it was decided they would distract from and overshadow the plot at that point.

Fair enough. But as the plot by the end is purposeful convoluted goofiness mixed with a meta-commentary on the whodunnit genre in general...would it have made THAT much of a difference? I don't think so.

It is a breezy 90 minutes. And while the first half drags purposefully bad jokes out a little too long and has trouble settling on a consistent comedic tone, it ramps up and is really solid by the end.

There are also some surprising jokes about sexuality and gender identity here. I don't want to oversell that, because it is all played as just more wackiness. But I didn't expect anything quite like this in a Hollywood movie from 1976. A welcome surprise.

Oh and the paper caricatures of the cast at the beginning and end were drawn by Charles Addams. Yes, THAT Charles Addams.

Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 67%. I'd go higher than that, at least the high seventies. That Peter Falk bathroom joke at like an hour and seventeen minutes is really goddamn funny.

[true-blue-sonic]

You don’t want to get me started on the way Silver is treated in the mobile games, what with his absolute GARBAGE stats in Speed Battle and the fact his score is lower than CREAM’S in Sonic Dash, last time I checked😅

I like the things you’re describing! Though, Silver definitely seems to be hardy; in Generations, he can scrape over asphalt for multiple attacks from Sonic with no issue, and getting his whole Meteor Smash right on his head also leaves him none the worse for wear. But I figure there is only so much he can take, especially in regards to his powers: getting overwhelmed with enemies and needing to concentrate on them all at the same time will likely reflect poorly in his attacking, leading to a vicious cycle wherein things get increasingly frazzled and hectic until he gets overrun. After all, his powers are tremendously OP, but he can’t do much with them if he cannot get them to work properly! And we do know from 06 that at least there he had a limit to what he could carry at a time. Though I can see him have some desperation attacks wherein he just knocks away everything around him, but that might just take a huge toll on himself too :>

Generally, I think Silver can take quite some physical punishment, but I like the idea of him having a limit to his mental powers that indeed forces him to strategise when the situation really requires it. A collection of small mooks rummaging around can receive Silver’s Guns Blazing ApproachTM no problem, but a collection of small mooks accompanying a couple of much larger ones with more heavy-hitting and chaotic attacks? That will require some thinking on Silver’s parts, and clever use of his environment and the enemies presented to sway the battle in his favour. Though I definitely think he is able of doing so!

Also, ‘unga bunga-ing everything in his path” cracked me up, it’s a very accurate description😂

It says a lot that Silver is consistently one of the most powerful characters in the comics despite never using his signature moves or some of his secondary powers from the games like the Teleport Dash/warping space, Psychic Knife, Psycho Smash, Psycho Shock(which can shock and freeze machines and people) or Psychic Control/Telepathy.

Even without his strongest abilities Silver is an insane powerhouse.

I absolutely agree! I think what makes it 'difficult' to have Silver come across as less OP is the fact that his powers do not really seem to have many limitations attached to them? I think psychic powers definitely are quite overpowered simply because afaik nothing like it exists in our reality. Thus, we can have them do whatever we desire in fiction according to how we imagine them, but we can also impose regulations to it. Like someone who can only do very tiny things at once, mental strain, limits to how far the powers can reach etc. Silver kind of has that... but there are no set rules about it, and it doesn't even impact gameplay (that much) to begin with. In Sonic 06 his powers never tire out to a degree where he can't use them again after a few seconds, in Rivals 2 his bout of exhaustion has zero effects on his next level, and games wherein he is part of a battle like Generations also don't seem to attach many restrictions, if any. Already at the simplest basic usage of his powers (Grab Stuff And Yeet) Silver therefore is insanely strong, with only a semi-limited reach and amount he can hold at once limiting him (whether that be five cars or five apples, iirc. Quantity over weight?). And once you begin adding all his extra abilities on top, that also don't cause him much/any strain in gameplay, and a medium wherein gameplay rules do not have an influence... Yeah, you get a boi who is utterly destructive and overpowered in every sense of the word, except the fact he is a hero. Though, I'd love it if Sega dove into his powers more and gave a clearer idea of the rules attached to it!

[crediblebombthreat]

Tumblr Day 5ish De-Brief

I wanted to post this here so I can look back on it in disgust or curiosity later, not necessarily because I think anyone needs to read it. This is a bit of a long post, by the way. Consider before clicking.

It's very strange coming back here after seeing glimpses of it in the mid 2010s and seeing that it's basically the same. There's less porn and the overall post quality seems to have gone up slightly -- but the fundamental soul of the site is still the same one it was before metrics, engagement, and algorithms started to define what the internet was on a metaphysical (for lack of a better term) level. Ironically, the only other places I know of like this are the boards on 4chan too niche or pretentious to assimilate the flood of low-quality posts from rightoids that are either 16 or 47 years old. Everywhere else on the internet that people spend time on has an invisible coating of unreality over it.

This isn't to say that tumblr is immune -- you have things like Blaze -- but spending real money for notes isn't the point of the site.

If I find something fucked up and weird on YouTube, for example, it's like when an AI lets you win at chess. YouTube's algorithm knows I like weird videos, and this video has been determined by a network of keywords to be weird. The same (or very, very similar) applies to TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, and Reddit (although the userbase is delusional and denies this -- go figure, they're redditors).

If I see something fucked up and weird on tumblr it's a result of the ever-churning slurry of content organically burping up a post from 2013 because a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend reblogged it a week ago. There is also a possibility that the person posting a sped up .gif of a caterpillar eating a leaf with the caption "ummm sh eis my fukcign sister!!!" payed upwards of $150 for me to see it, which is surreal in its own, different, way.

Because of this (and despite the culture of detachment), everything feels a bit more sincere. Which is definitely sometimes a weakness -- tumblr twee creates some of the most cloying garbage I've ever seen -- but it also sets up situations where (unlike everywhere else on the internet) the news that travels fastest isn't always bad news.

I imagine most users of tumblr are either aware of this or just take it for granted, but for a relative outsider it's a it's a good control on the direction the rest of the internet is going. Or, more accurately, where it is right now. I notice a general feeling of unease and dissatisfaction coming from a lot of people who use the internet for something other than a continuous stream of entertainment. Even dedicated internet trolls mourn for the days when you could dissolve the social fabric of a forum by using "(:" instead of ":)". As opposed to now where every online argument is a different flavor of the same three topics; all soaked in self-important moralism, and often framed through a reductive political lens -- the worst impulses of the 2010s internet concentrated and refined.

This isn't to say that the process of something gaining popularity and losing some of the quirks you appreciated about it, or the slow erosion of a medium is unnatural or anything. It's been happening since the dawn of time. It is, however, strange that it's happening to people in their teens and twenties rather than people in their forties and fifties.

The bad news is: as things reach new heights of profitability in capitalism, they are further alienated from a human element. The good news is: literally everyone is acutely aware of that, even if it's subconscious. It's why we still watch competitive chess between two people and why I believe AI art is nowhere near as catastrophic as one might think (among a few other reasons).

And because of that good news, tumblr will probably stay the correct type of shitty in the long-run. I don't see a world where there exists a corporate entity competent enough to algo-monetize tumblr while still retaining a userbase. And I DEFINITELY don't see a world where that hypothetical corporate entity would willingly buy tumblr.

I have other thoughts about the possible futures of the internet, but that's more applicable to a Substack article rather than a musing tumblr post. Additionally, all outcomes other than "capital snakes its way deeper into the processes of communication and we are helpless but to watch" must take into account that "capital snakes its way deeper into the processes of communication and we are helpless but to watch" is the most likely outcome considering nothing crazy happens.

But hey, something crazy usually happens.

[megamanxfanfics]

S.VI - Ep.12: Grand Design

-------------------------------------------------------------------- INT. FALLEN COLONY – Lab Sites - NIGHT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

-Fade in-

Gate stares at his monitor in fear. Zero has just defeated Blaze Phoenix and X has destroyed another Nightmare Portal.

GATE: (panicking) This is.. horrible!  Not only is he back, but he’s made short work of Infinity Flea and Blaze Phoenix like they were nothing!!  How…?  How did he get so strong??

Isoc steps into the room.

ISOC: That would be the Nightmare’s doing.

GATE: (gasping) Isoc!

ISOC: (shrugging, acceptant) He did create it after all…

GATE: We created it!

ISOC: His Virus was the source.  You know that better than anyone…

GATE: Hmph…. How are you so.. nonchalant about all this?  Aren’t you afraid that he’ll come after us??

ISOC: (grinning) Oh no… I have a theory.

[INSERT TITLE CARD - Grand Design]

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. MAGMA AREA – Blaze Phoenix’s Lair - DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

X nods to Zero, ready to beam out and go home.

ZERO: Wait, before we go…

He spots a green Nightmare Soul left behind from Blaze Phoenix’s core and grabs it. Zero absorbs the power into his own core as his eyes glow orange for a second.

ZERO: We can’t let these fall into the wrong hands.

X: (nodding) Right!

Zero takes another second to walk over to the fallen Phoenix and rips out the weapon chip from his decaying core.

ZERO: …There. Now we can go.

The two share a smirk before teleporting home.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. MHHQ BUNKER – Control Area – DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The triumphant battle-weary heros appear in the middle of the room, by Signas’ console. They are both war-torn, but otherwise fine.

SIGNAS: Nice work, you two!!

ZERO: (nodding) Thanks, boss.

X: (saluting) Sir…

They both wearily nod and salute him as they walk over to Alia’s Console. On their way over to her, Zero looks at X with respect.

ZERO: Here, /catch.

He /throws the enemy’s weapon chip at X, which surprises him.

X, /catches it with a mild smile on his face.

X: Huh? /Oh… Actually, I’ve got something for you too..

ZERO: Hm?

He fumbles around in his compartment belt and returns the gesture by /throwing him the new Sub-tank he just found.

X: Here…. /catch.

Zero catches it and looks at the gift with gratitude.

Once at her console, Alia turns around with a satisfied smile.

ALIA: Very good, Gentlemen.  Now that you’re back… Let’s debrief!

Zero rolls his eyes.

ZERO: Always with the debriefing…

Alia looks at Zero, annoyed.

ALIA: Uhh, Yeah we’re debriefing…  It’s called - Doing My Job?  Hellooo!

X: (beaming, amused) Ahahahaahah.

Zero shakes his head and cracks half of a smile.

ZERO: (smirking,) …Alriiight, alriiiight ya got me…

Mid-laughter X suddenly panics.

X: Oh no!  Wait!! What about that Reploid?  I completely forgot about him.

ALIA: Don’t worry.  When you came back from the Pocket Dimension, another Reploid appeared at the Settlement. That must have been him.

X: (relieved) Okay, good.

ALIA: Speaking of which, who was in that Portal?

X: You’re not gonna believe this.  It was Vile.

ALIA & ZERO: What!?

X: I don’t know…. He didn’t seem real.  Someone must be messing with me.  

ZERO: Well that’s gotta be the Nightmare at work…

X: Even less-so.  Your Nightmare Counterpart had that Purple Virus Color we both love so much.  This one was more of a faded blueish gray. He was also very weak.

ZERO: Well, maybe that means that the Virus is wearing off!

The two look at him, spooked.

ZERO: N-Nightmare Energy…. Whatever this is!

Alia walks over to X and.

ALIA: Hmm, well that’s another mystery we’ll have to figure out later.  As for this power set…

She takes the new chip and walks it over to her computer.

ALIA: This, we can examine!  

She runs an analytics test.  The monitor displays a grid-like image of a generic reploid figure swiping a burning saber.

ALIA: It looks like you got Magma Blade! Good job!!  It emits a wide-ranged blade of fireballs from a Saber.

X shakes his head.

X: It’s unearned… You should use it, Zero.

Zero shakes his head.

ZERO: No need.  I’ve learned how to use his Shoenzan from our battle!

With a quick diagonal swipe, Zero shows them a new menacing saber, engulfed in flames. He creates a short wall of fire, similar to Blaze Phoenix’s winged fire-clap, but more contained.  

DOUGLAS: (nervous, troubled) HEEY, EASY!!

Douglas runs over to them from his Console, worried and annoyed.

Zero extinguishes the flame just as soon as he creates it and sheathes the saber into his back.

DOUGLAS: Could you not do that indoors, please?  I spent a long time making this place operational…

ZERO: Relax, Doug. I’ve got it under control…

DOUGLAS: (muttering) Hmph…. wreckless..

X and Alia both look each other wide-eyed for a second. Then they both choose to shake their heads and move on.

ALIA: U-uh anyway…. I should give you some more background on Blaze Phoenix before we close his file.

X: Yes, let’s proceed.

X gives Zero a disapproving glare for a second.

ALIA: Blaze Phoenix was an Ex-Investigator of the Earth’s Hot Spots. His ability was far beyond any of the other members on our Team.  Even Turtloid couldn’t examine these climates, but Phoenix was our solution. He could research any area that was dangerously hot without fear, but the problem was that his teammates couldn’t keep up. During the Great Repliforce War, his Team had investigated Burn Dino-Rex at the Sunhouse Mountain long before you, Zero…

ZERO: (shocked) Really!!?

-FLASH-

—————————————————————————- INT. SUNHOUSE MOUNTAIN – Deep Pit – DAY —————————————————————————-

Blaze Phoenix leads the way with an eager grin on his face as a fantastic wave of flames surrounds his entire body.

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) Yes.  His team made it as far as the Lava Tunnels.  Do you remember that?

Far behind the flames, Allen, Glen and Ron struggle to keep up as their bodies are perspiring from the intense levels of heat in the pit.

ZERO: (v.o, reacting) Oh my God, I hated that…

The whole area begins to rumble. The giant tunnel shakes as rocks can be heard crashing down beneath them.

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) So did they…

RON: What the-?

A Researcher turns around and widens his gaze immediately at a huge stream of lava, as tall as the entire tunnel around them.

RON: Oh God!!

2 others turn around, frightened to see the huge wall of lava coming for them.  

RESEARCHERS: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The wave engulfs all three of them entirely. Their bodies disintegrate instantly upon contact.

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) All the others who fell behind died needlessly...

From far ahead, Blaze Phoenix crashes through a wall with an aura of flame around him.  He barely hears the faint sound of screaming, which makes him only slightly turn his head.

Then, he notices a giant wall of lava headed straight for him.

BLAZE PHOENIX: Hm!?

-Fade to Orange-

Upon an orange background, she narrates.

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) When he came home, he was punished and thrown into quarantine.  

-dissolve to-

————————————————————— INT. LAYE LABS – Probation Bunker – NIGHT —————————————————————

A charred and recovering Blaze Phoenix rests in a chamber that is only slightly comfier than a jail cell.  

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) Ultimately, it was decided that in order to prevent any more victims from getting hurt, he would be disposed of and buried deep underground.

His cell door opens as he continues to sleep on a bench.

ZERO: (v.o, responding) How…?

A Reploid with a large cannon in hand walks up to him and places the weapon directly into his open beak.

ALIA: (v.o, narrating) Boulder Gun to the mouth while he was sleeping…. It got ugly…

-flash-

A large boulder is generated from the weapon, instantly crushing Blaze Phoenix’s skull from the inside. Blood spurts all across the wall and onto Victor’s chest, who shakes it off and wipes his weapon clean.

-FLASH-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. MHHQ BUNKER – Control Area – DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

X and Zero look at Alia horrified.

X: Whoaaa!

ZERO: Brutal…. No wonder Gate lost it…

ALIA: Hmph.  It’s really hard to tell who was right in hindsight…. But he was definitely dealt an unfair hand.  Ugh, God that place was so toxic…

Alia winces and looks down with a hard feeling of guilt.

X: Heeeeey.  You okay??

He immediately walks up to her and puts two comforting hands on her shoulders.

With tightly closed eyes she nods and sniffles it off, trying to maintain her composure.

ALIA: Yeah, I… I’m fine.  It’s just a lot.

X: I know hun. We’ve all been through a lot…

He places a loving forehead against hers and they both take a slow deep breath together.

ZERO: Uhhhhh, is this still part of the debrief…?

Alia looks at X and grits her teeth.  Then she takes a breath and looks at Zero with a sly simper.

ALIA: Hmph… ya got me.

ZERO: If I didn’t know any better… It looks like X, has got you.  Hey, are you two…?

ALIA: That’s None of your Business!!!!

X blushes.

ZERO: Oh-o Maaaan! Woooooooow.  I really Did miss a lot while I was out.

X: Come on, Man. That’s enough.

ALIA: Alriiiiiight, alright.  Let’s keep it Professional. We’re done here.

ZERO: Hahahahaha, okaay…

X gives Zero two side-eyes with a half-grimace, feeling embarrassed.

Alia pets her hair and smirks at them with a slight blush.

ALIA: (grinning, smug) You both look like hot garbage.  Get cleaned up and spend the night in the Settlement.  I think it’ll be good for both of you.

ZERO: (confused) Huh?

X: (smiling, thoughtful) Hm.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. FALLEN COLONY – Lab Sites – NIGHT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Gate and Isoc continue their troublesome discussion.

GATE: So what are we supposed to do now… just wait until he miraculously comes around?  I don’t think that’s a very sound idea.

ISOC: We’ll follow through with the Contingency Plan until such events fall into our favor.  

GATE: That’s crazy! It’s not working!!  Dynamo is unreliable and that Resurrection was too weak!!  What the Hell was that???

ISOC: …Something to keep X busy, like you asked…

GATE: Hrrrgh, it’s not good enough!

ISOC: I’ll get Dynamo to come around.  Don’t worry.

GATE: (panicking) How can I not!??  Zero suddenly came back, stronger than ever and he’s tearing this whole thing apart!!!

Isoc hides a wicked smile and takes a breath.

ISOC: I know it may seem Counter-Intuitive, but the more he consumes the Nightmare, the better off we are.

GATE: (frustrated) How!? It will only make him stronger!!

ISOC: Yes.  And then he’ll become an Omega-Level threat once again.  X and the Public will turn on him. They will force his hand and once he Finally crosses that line… Then, my friend… he will see that our visions are aligned.

Gate looks at him wide-eyed.

GATE: You’re a Mad Man.  You’re putting a lot of faith into a hypothesis that we don’t even know is feasible!  

ISOC: Oh, it’s possible. I know how he thinks…. And when he’s backed into a corner, he will cut through anyone. Even his closest of friends.

GATE: That’s a very dangerous game you’re playing…

Isoc makes an evil grin. Gate shakes his head.

GATE: No, I have a much better idea.  It’s time to tip the scale in my favor…. It’s time to send in High Max.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. HEXAGON STATION – Reploid Settlement – NIGHT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Zero walks with X down the main steps of the reformed Train Station.  It is now a Recovery Hub for Homeless and Injured Reploids.

ZERO: So this is the Reploid Settlement..?

X nods.

X: Yeah.  It got really scary out there after your Shuttle Mission had… failed.

Zero frowns and looks away.

X: Local Mavericks turned up from around every corner and a lot of sacrifices were made…

X clears his throat.

X: But that was a while ago, already.  Once we got a semblance of control to the city, we noticed that the survivors naturally flocked over to here.  So, we decided to help them as best as we could.

ZERO: That’s really great, man.

X nods and smiles.

X: (proud) This… is who we fight for.  It’s a constant reminder that we need to get back out there and do better.  Every day.

Zero looks at X, stunned.  Once again, he has done a lot of growing up in his absence.

Just then, a cute reploid that shares X’s likeness in blue armor walks up to them.

LEVY: Hey, X!!  I was wondering when you’d grace us with your presence again.

She gives him a hug.

X: Eh heh heh..  Hey, Lev.  How’ve you been holding up?

LEVY: Really good.  Your friends are awesome!  Especially that new Fire Guy.

She thumbs over to Fef, who is mingling with Kassy, Regina, Iso, Data and Araki.

X: (smiling) Glad to see everyone’s getting along…

LEVY: Oh yeah. I’ve been training with the others and everyone’s been /really /Welcoming.

She /punches the /air with both fists in a cute way while making eyes at him.  Zero gives her and X a strange look.

LEVY: (flirty) Any chance, we’ll get to spar again soon???

X: Ahh.. n-no. We’re just here to recover and catch up for the night.  But now that we’ve got Zero back, maybe the two of you could-

LEVY: Hmph!  Passing me off to the Nightmare!?  I know who you are…. You’re the one who caused this whole mess!!  Under normal circumstances, it’d be an honor, but frankly… you can go to Hell.

She walks off in a huff.

Zero looks at X and rolls his eyes.

ZERO: So much for getting along……

They both walk on towards Lifesaver’s Med Car.  

X: Ah, don’t listen to her. She’ll come around.

When they pass by Fef’s group, the reploids all look at Zero in awe and fear.

ZERO: I don’t really care, if I’m honest…. I just want to get better and get back out there.

X frowns as they make it to Lifesaver’s car.

-pan to-

-------------------------------------------------------------------- INT. REPLOID SETTLEMENT – Med Cars – NIGHT --------------------------------------------------------------------

X and Zero step inside the car to see Hanse and Hal sitting with the charred Tekk. Lifesaver is tending to him.

HANSE & HAL: (nervous, scared) Ah-hh… Z-z-Zero!!

X: (annoyed) Relax, guys. He’s with me. He’s on our side…

Zero folds his arms and turns his back to them in a huff.  They instantly see his burn marks from the Magma Area.

Tekk tilts his head and smiles at Zero.

TEKK: H..h-hey.. Zzeerroooo…

ZERO: Save your strength, Tekk.  You’re no good to us, dead.

TEKK: (nodding, weak) rr..riigghhht…

He curls up and goes back to sleep.

Lifesaver looks at them with a stern face and walks over to X.

LIFESAVER: Gentlemen… What can I do for you??

X: We need a recovery bunk for the night.

LIFESAVER: Ohhh. Finally taking my advice and giving it a rest, I see. Come on…. Right this way.

He grabs some gear and leads them to another car, internally.

-cut to-

-------------------------------------------------------------------- INT. MED CARS – Recovery Bunk – NIGHT --------------------------------------------------------------------

The wounded legends are led to two padded gurneys, which lie at both walls of the car, across from each other. Lifesaver Prime and two assisting clones set the both of them up with IV wires, energen packs and light sedatives, which will ensure a smooth night without incident.

Zero gives Lifesaver an untrusting look, once stuck with the needle.

LIFESAVER: Oh, don’t worry. It’s a light dose of Repli-tonin.  This’ll just take off the edge, so your body can focus on recovering faster.  That’s what you want, don’t you?

ZERO: Hmph… I guess.

X: Thank you, Lifesaver.

He smiles at X.

LIFESAVER: Very good.  I’ll have a clone check up on you later.

He and the clones exit the car. The last one out, turns off the light and shuts the door, finally leaving them to their privacy.

The glow of their red and blue head gems illuminate in the darkness as X and Zero recover together.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. ABEL CITY – Dynamo’s Apartment – NIGHT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dynamo stands by a window and watches over the barren city from high up.

DYNAMO: (v.o, thinking) Man I miss this City! …What have I done?  The bustling streets, the unsleeping crowds, the traffic at night…. Tearing it down was a lot of fun, but what was the point?  Everything’s so Boring!

Out of nowhere, from a distance, Dynamo can see a faint shadow amongst the night sky flying towards him.

DYNAMO: Hm?  What the-??

High Max bursts through his apartment window and grabs him by the neck.

HIGH MAX: I’ve Found You!!!

DYNAMO: AAGgghhkkk….  What the Hell??

He tries to fight back, but is flown into his couch and blasted 4 times at close range.

DYNAMO: AAGHH.

He tries to get up, but is instantly kicked right back down into the couch.

HIGH MAX: Stay down…. I have a message for you from Isoc.

DYNAMO: Ughh, what does He want??  Is he sad that I didn’t return his calls???

HIGH MAX: Hmph…. He wants you to know that you have one more chance to make things right.  Otherwise, you can forget about your Payment and the Luxury of Life altogether!

DYNAMO: Agghh…. Tell him, I need more time.  X really got me good, last time.

HIGH MAX: Not my problem…

DYNAMO: I’m gonna get stronger… I just need to sleep this off and collect more Nightmare Souls.  That’s all. I promise!

HIGH MAX: Hmph…. You have 24 hours…

DYNAMO: O-okay. Thank you!

High Max folds his arms and flies backward out from the window he came in. He threateningly locks eyes with Dynamo the entire time with a stoic grimace.

-       Cut to -

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. MED CARS – Recovery Bunk - NIGHT

--------------------------------------------------------------------

After a brief period of silence, X turns to his partner.

X: Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you…. How did you get that new saber?

ZERO: I created a new one while I was hiding out.

X: Huh?  You’ve never been tech savvy, before..

ZERO: Heh…. When it comes to my stuff, you’ll find that I’m full of surprises.

X: Hm… Where were you all this time, anyway?

ZERO: Well… I don’t remember a lot of it, to be honest. Reserve Processors must have blocked it out until I was safer…. But what I do remember is that by the time I rebuilt my arm and legs, I was hunkered down in a cave somewhere.

X: A cave…?  That’s it??

ZERO: Yeah, man. I dunno.  I was on the move, constantly roaming around not fully sure of where I was, exactly.  I kept looking for.. better parts. I tried to rebuild from scraps… turning junk into… something that could interface with my system.

X gives Zero a look of disbelief.

X: …Uh.. I’m sorry, but… Your story doesn’t add up, Man.  Why are you being so secretive…?

ZERO: What do you mean?? I’m not-

X: Come on. After all these years, I know you better than anyone. I can tell when you’re lying to me… which is upsetting.  …What is it that you’re hiding??

ZERO: (sighing) Look, the truth is I don’t know…. And it scares me.  Honestly, I just remember a cave and having a new saber. I was fully rebuilt with no idea how I got there and no idea where I was.

X: Oh…. Well no need to hide that from me..  Why don’t you trust me?

ZERO: In fairness, you haven’t trusted me for a while.  …And I’ve given you no reason to.

X: You always have my back in the Field.  That should be reason enough.

ZERO: But it’s really not… Is it?  

X: (hesitating) …We don’t need to get into this now…

ZERO: No, we really do.  It’s time, Man.  Speak your mind…

X: (sighing) Well… you’ve always been a guarded person, which I’ve come to expect over time.  But… my Damn Memory plays tricks on me, now...  

ZERO: Ever since Dr. Light… found you?

X: Yup. Now I don’t remember which Zero helped me grow up and learn to fight back anymore…. The cocky, headstrong idol or the jaded, corrupt Maverick…

Zero closes his eyes and winces, ashamed.

ZERO: It’s been both, Man.  The whole time, I’ve been fighting something.

X tears up.

X: And somehow, I already Know that!  And yet it’s news to me, now.  Can you imagine how frightening that is??

ZERO: I’ve lived it.  How do you think I felt in Antarctica?

X: …You scared the Hell out of me in Antarctica.  You weren’t acting like yourself at all.

ZERO: Actually, I was…. All of my inhibitions were gone.

X: Don’t start that up again!

ZERO: (sighing) I don’t Care about the Prophecy anymore, dude.  Me sitting here with you should be living proof of that.

X: But now we both know we were designed to kill each other…

ZERO: Fuck that.  I don’t care about their Grand Design.

X gasps, relieved as warm tears escape from his eyes.  Then, he makes a wry smile.

X: Always fighting against your own Destiny, to the bitter end, huh??

ZERO: (smiling) You know it.

X: So, in that case, I do have to ask this.  What’s your End Goal, now? …What are you fighting for…?

ZERO: Come on, do you really have to ask that??

X: I mean it, Zero.  If I’m ever going to fully trust you again, I need to know your motives.

ZERO: Ugh. After the Shuttle Mission Failed, I just want a sense of Normalcy…  Even if it’s unattainable.  Maybe I just want to hurt people for making the World this way. Get some of this frustration out…

X: I’d hate to say it, but I think you made the World this way…

Zero gasps and scowls with a grimace.

ZERO: Is it ‘cause of what that… fan girl said?

X smirks for a second.

X: Who, Levy? No… …Alia told me that your signal still doesn’t read as Data. So… what are you?

Zero shakes his head and takes a breath.

ZERO: It’s just as it was before. This is my Original Data.  It’s not Maverick and it’s not even Evil.  It’s just… Me.

X: Hmph.

ZERO: Not good enough for you?

X: What about the Nightmare Souls? What are they supposed to be??

ZERO: Well… They’re pieces of my Soul, actually.

X becomes wide-eyed.

X: What!!?

ZERO: I don’t know how they exist… Or even how I exist! But… somehow, the Virus Energy manifested itself into the Nightmare and was contained into these little orbs.

X: Sounds kind of like the Erasure Experiment…

Zero becomes wide-eyed.

ZERO: On steroids.

X: That explains how you’re becoming so powerful, I guess… I’m worried though.

ZERO: About what..?

X: (hypothesizing) You were revived Zero… No doubt about it.  But by who…? And for what reason? …If you absorb too many of those Nightmare Souls, I wonder… Will you end up like you did back at the Colony??

ZERO: (scared) I don’t know…

X: Can you contain it this time…?

ZERO: (worried) I don’t know!

X takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

X: Then that’s a problem…

ZERO: When this is all over, I want Lifesaver to do a full work-up on my internals.  One way or another, we’re gonna figure this out, Man.

X nods.

X: I like the sound of that.  

Zero cringes in pain with a heavy head of guilt.

ZERO: (hurting, guilty) X…. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.  Not just Antarctica or Laguz Island.  I’m sorry for all of it!

X: (surprised) Zero…

ZERO: (regretful, ruminating) How I acted during the Great Repliforce War, my reckless attack on Dr. Doppler, which nearly got us all killed… All you went through with the X-Hunters for me… and my unconventional field-training methods during the Rebellion, before that! I’m always putting you in danger. All this time, I’ve been pressuring you to do things My Way and-

X: I forgive you…!

ZERO: Huh??

X: Zero, all those experiences helped shape me into who I am today.  All the Good and the Bad…. And now that I know I can trust you.. None of it matters anymore. I mean that.

ZERO: But this Nightmare has been killing you…. That’s on me too…

X: (sighing) This Nightmare’s been killing all of us…. But now that you’re here to help, we’re finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  Now let’s get some rest.  We’re gonna have a lot of work to do when we get up.

Zero smiles at his best friend, who closes his eyes and rests with a peaceful face that he hasn’t seen in a while.  This causes Zero to let out a deep sigh and close his eyes. Before long, he is lulled to sleep with a more complacent face as well.

ZERO: (v.o, thinking) Maybe… things are gonna turn out alright, this time…

-fade to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. MHHQ BUNKER - Control Area – DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Caption - December 30th, the next morning.

A well-rested X walks over to Alia’s console with a cheerful smile on his face.

X: Good Morning, Beautiful.

ALIA: Hey there, sunshine!

He gives her a kiss on the lips. She smiles at him and turns back to her monitor.

ALIA: How was your sleep last night? Just what the doctor ordered?

X: And then some! /I feel better than ever.

He /stretches his arm and twists his torso, cricking his neck and looking refreshed.

ALIA: Hehe, good.  Where’s Zero??

X: Heheh.. That lug is still sleeping.  But that’s fine.  It’ll give me time to catch up to him later.

She nods and gives him a thoughtful look.

ALIA: I see.  So, you’ve settled it?  You seem.. really at Peace today.

X: (smiling) Heh...  We discussed just about everything we could last night, and... I guess I’m just really relieved about how it all went.  I’m definitely satisfied with the outcome.  

She nods and offers a genuine smile.

ALIA: Good!  You deserve some Peace of Mind more than anyone else...

X: And what about you...?

ALIA: ...I still might have some reservations, but... if you know that you can trust him, then that’s good enough for me.  I trust you...

He gives her a warm, loving smile and holds her hand.  They massage each other’s palms for 3 seconds before she pulls away and clears her throat.

ALIA: So where to, today?

X: Inami Temple.  It’s beyond time to follow up on the Reploids I left behind…

Alia offers a worried grimace.

ALIA: Okaaaaay.  Just be careful.

X: I know…

She pulls up their Mission Select screen, clicks on Rainy Turtloid’s black and white mugshot and punches in the coordinates.  In another moment, he teleports away.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. INAMI TREE – Meditation Room - DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

X is teleported directly inside the Inami Tree, at the ground level, where a jagged tunnel of spikes can be seen.  It is still raining.

In a flash of light, he transforms into his Blade Armor and slowly walks up to the tunnel trap.

X sighs.

X: Here goes nothing…

He crouches down and carefully amplifies the gears within his boots.  After a moment of prepping, he launches himself directly through the tunnel, narrowly avoiding the spikes above and below him.  In an instant, he bashes into the wall, with his hands out and brakes on his heels.  He has made it to the other side.  Above him, the ominous portal awaits him.

ALIA: (o.s, filtered) Now, remember. Once you jump through that portal, we’ll lose contact. I won’t be able to see or hear anything from your end until you get back.

X: (nodding) I know…. Here I go!

ALIA: Be carefuuuul!!!!

X jumps into the portal and smiles at the sound of her voice, before suddenly disappearing.

-cut to-

--------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. POCKET DIMENSION – Rainy Entrapment – DAY

--------------------------------------------------------------------

X appears inside the trap from out of thin-air, whereupon he immediately spots a curative platform while getting rained on.

X: Hmph…. Just as I thought.  This isn’t the same area.

Just across the way from a similar gap in the room, a Monbando Unit looks at him and smirks.

MONBANDO: Weeeell… Look, who finally decided to show…

X: Hm!?

MONBANDO: I’m afraid you’re a little late, my friend.

Just then, an infected reploid peers out from behind the Mechaniloid.  She looks at him, driven with hatred.

X: Oh no!!

MONBANDO: And now it’s time that you Suffer the Consequences!!!

From out of nowhere, three other infected reploids reveal themselves from the platforms below him.

X takes out his saber and breathes heavily.

At once, all 4 Infected Reploids dive after him and he is forced to defend himself.

X: GOD DAAAAAMN IIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!

Jumping after them, he performs his Double Wave Giga Attack for the first time with regret.  All of the Infected Reploids shatter to pieces at once.

-Freeze Frame. Grainy Effect-

[birbleafs]

[fic] It’s A Matter Of (In)Convenience

Series: Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan || The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Rating: T Genre: Humour, Breaking The Fourth Wall Character(s): Saiki Kusuo, Aiura Mikoto, Toritsuka Reita, Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, Nendou Riki, Yumehara Chiyo, Teruhashi Kokomi Warnings: None, save for canon-typical shenanigans Summary: Saiki Kusuo’s plan for a quiet Sunday spent shopping for desserts in an ordinary konbini is thrown into disarray when he runs into several… inconveniences, much to his dismay. A/N: I've been re-reading/re-watching Saiki K. during this quarantine period and I haven't laughed this hard since I was into Gintama. This series has given me so much ridiculous joy, it’s great for helping keep anxiety and existential despair at bay lol. Fic can also be read on AO3

_______

Saiki Kusuo could not say he dislikes commuting by public train but he’s not particularly a fan of it either. After all, it’s exceedingly more troublesome and vexing for someone like him, encumbered with psychic abilities beyond human comprehension. He’s unable to switch off his telepathy at will, so it’s no small feat being stuck in a packed cabin and trying to filter out the cacophonous thoughts of fifty-odd passengers buzzing incessantly in his mind throughout the long ride to the next town. Distance isn’t an issue today, however. Not that it had ever been an issue, mind you—he could teleport to almost any location he so wished. But Kusuo had long since mastered inconspicuousness into an art form, and teleporting to his destination and appearing seemingly out of thin air in the middle of a packed convenience store was sure to draw unwanted attention to himself. No, it’s not worth the risk, even for such a coveted goal at the end of his journey. Besides, Kusuo is a man of principle, one who does not easily succumb to using his powers for self-interest. He will do this the ordinary, pedestrian way.

In any case, travelling out of Hidariwakibara-chō to neighbouring Tonari Machi on a random Sunday morning would also mean the chances of him running into certain... inconveniences are very nearly zero. Forty-five minutes and twelve stops later, Kusuo beams in quiet triumph as he walks past the automatic sliding doors and into the aforementioned convenience store, barely registering the musical jiggle over the speakers. He steps through the sparse crowd, pausing midway through the snack and desserts aisle when he finally catches sight of the neat row of orange boxes with silver trimmings on the top shelf. Kusuo allows himself a tiny grin as he reaches for a box, eyes bright with anticipation as he gazes upon its wondrous contents—three cups of chocolate brownie and cherry parfait, infused with coffee jelly and topped with dollops of luscious cream and cinnamon sprinkles. A simple but unmatched delicacy right here in this nondescript konbini, he thinks, savouring the glorious moment a little longer. Still, as fate would have it, he would be reminded in less than ten seconds that his life is but an unfortunate series of daily disasters, and his current reprieve short-lived. And it comes in the form of a young woman who had waltzed through the crowd and is now latching onto his arm with garishly pink manicured nails, her wavy blonde hair already casting a dark cloud over Kusuo’s face. Aiura Mikoto, resident soothsayer and trendsetter gal. Inconvenience No. 1. Ah. So it begins. “Wassup, Kusuo!” Aiura chirps a little too brightly. Already two or three mob characters in the konbini are throwing scandalized looks their way, but to Aiura they’re nothing but background scenery and lazily drawn silhouettes. “Who woulda thunk we’d meet here like this? It must totes be our destiny as soul mates, fer sure!” Isn’t it more because someone is totes a stalker? Kusuo deadpans telepathically her way, even as he makes no real attempt to avoid Aiura’s smothering embrace. Instead, he fixes her with a stare as blank as stone canvas. This is an invasion of privacy. Also, what’s with the meta observation in the previous paragraph? Stop messing with the readers like that. “Man, you sure are a ray of sunshine sometimes,” Aiura pouts, before she breaks into a giggle and relents. She unlatches herself from him, putting some distance between them. “Anyway, can’t your BFF like, just accidentally bump into you while shopping for the same box of snacks you no doubt travelled all the way out here for?” So you admit you really are a stalker then, Kusuo counters drily, only to frown again at the sudden creeping presence of another aura. He feels the weight of another arm draping carelessly over his shoulder, followed by the brusque yapping of an over-eager and desperate hot-blooded young male in his ears. “Yooo, Saiki-san! What a coincidence!” Toritsuka Reita, the spirit medium and an exemplary specimen of the most depraved life-form, the lecherous scum. Also known as Inconvenience No. 2. Saiki Kusuo, a man most unfortunate, lets out a weary sigh. “I see you’ve got that accusatory glare painted all over your face.” Toritsuka wags an annoying finger before Kusuo. “Now, now. Before you also accuse me of stalking, Mister Doom and Gloom, let me just say that I’m only here for one thing.” He flicks a furtive glance towards a discreet corner of the magazine section. The shelves are filled with magazines wrapped in plastic, large R-18 stickers plastered across the covers and over the spines much like indecent warning signs. Toritsuka dabs towards the third shelf, waving a mini poster at both Kusuo and Aiura, and this sentence then abruptly proceeds to describe the close-up of said poster—a particularly titillating centre spread featuring a curvaceous model’s skimpily clad... assets. “Surely there’s no better reason to be here now than for the special compilation of EROmag’s Greatest Upskirts And Panty-shots Of The Month!” Toritsuka exclaims, echoing the thoughts of all resident perverts. “Ugh, grody to the max,” Aiura says, lips curled in utter revulsion. For once, the stars are aligned and Kusuo finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing with her sentiment. Before he can get a retort in edgewise however, he’s unceremoniously tugged closer into Toritsuka’s one-armed embrace, who then proceeds to thump a hand over Kusuo’s chest in a grand show of obnoxious male posturing and solidarity. “You women will never understand,” Toritsuka counters with an ingratiating smirk. “But Saiki-san and I, we’re bosom buddies, connoisseurs of refined aesthetics. Together, we’ll finally gaze upon those heavenly lace panti—A-ACKK!!” He hacks up a lung just as Kusuo nonchalantly drives a sharp elbow right into his solar plexus, causing him to stagger backwards onto the floor. Bosom buddies? Kusuo echoes ominously, glaring daggers at the pathetic writhing form before him. Pretty sure that ridiculous thump you just pulled is both an outrage and insult of my modesty. Hey, can I call the police? I’m calling the police. Aiura nods at that, lips curved into a Cheshire grin and looking extremely pleased with herself as though she’s the one to suggest calling the cops. “Delusional sleazebags should just crawl back into the garbage bin where they belong. Like the skeevy trash panda that they are, right Kusuo?” “Who are you calling delusional, huh?!” Toritsuka snaps, jumping back to his feet. “I’ll have you know that Saiki-san and I have been nothing but the most loyal, the tightest of all bosom buddies—” Refer to me as your bosom buddy again and I’ll crush your windpipe, Kusuo interjects without missing a beat, and the EROmag poster in Toritsuka’s hand spontaneously combusts into flames. “Argh, not the panties!!” Toritsuka yelps, watching in despair as the poster shrivels up in the blaze, only to catch sight of the eerie, voidless depths of Kusuo’s inscrutable gaze. The spirit medium pales at the split-second reminder of his fleeting mortality, sweat dripping down his nape as he carefully backs away from the precarious jaws of death. “B-B-Bros! I-I meant that we’re the best kind of bro-some buddies, ahahaha! T-That is to say, brotherly and wholesome—R-right, Saiki-san? So don’t get all conceited just because you’ve got big knockers, Tits McGee!!” “Pfft, brotherly and wholesome? As if!” Aiura scoffs, unimpressed. “You’re about as wholesome as your d*ck aura and a college frat boy’s porno stash. Just admit you ain’t nothing but a tiresome anime trope!” “Look who’s talking, Miss Fanservice. This is a wholesome shounen series, so how about you take those bazongas back to Hooters where they belong!” “Haaah? You looking for a fight, you raunchy racoon?!” “Bring it on then!” Kusuo scowls at the petty squabbling, exasperated at how easily his quiet Sunday was already going awry, much like the metaphorical train wreck poised for a manic spiral off its rails. He decides to take his leave then from the two inconveniences bickering loudly, making his way towards the self-checkout station near the entrance. He pays for his items, stealthily packing them away with a subtle flick of his psychokinesis, and is only a few paces away from complete freedom at last when the generic musical jingle blares from the speakers overhead. “♪~Welcome to F☆mily Mart Konbini, We Guarantee 99.9% Shopping Satisfaction! It’s A Matter of Convenience~! ♪” Kusuo frowns at the jingle. Why is it only 99.9% satisfaction? And really, a matter of convenience? Not when he’d already run into two inconveniences in a row and all in a convenience store. Is God conspiring with the universe and pulling a sick prank on him right now? What a horrible sense of humour. The automatic doors at the entrance slide wide open then, and in saunter three terribly familiar faces—Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, and Nendou Riki. Inconvenience No. 3, No. 4, and No. 5 respectively. “What did I tell you, Aren? Not only did we manage to beat traffic, but this unexpected change in my Sunday routine would’ve thrown a wrench into Dark Reunion’s plans of attempted kidnapping. Too bad I, The Jet-Black Wing, am always several steps ahead. Heh.” “Uhmm, yeah I guess… Hey, Shun, look! There isn’t a queue for the limited edition Ginta-Man figurine raffle tickets here at all. Good thing you insisted we meet at the crack of dawn—Tch, Nendou, don’t dawdle around and block the entrance like that! What’re you looking at anyway?” “Oh? I thought I saw my pal just a few seconds ago...” “Huh, Saiki’s here too-?! Oh, you mean that. Don’t be daft, Nendou, that’s just a cardboard cut-out of that kiddie hero show, Cyborg Cider-man Mark II.” Seriously?? Kusuo curses irritably as he dives inconspicuously out of sight from the passing trio, right into the bath and shampoo aisle. It’s just been a series of inconveniences one after another this morning, the metaphorical train wreck already hurtling itself past the edge of no return. Good grief, what a pain. May as well have the rest of the cast show up next— Another cheesy musical jingle, another swoosh of the sliding doors, and— “Waahh, it’s really you, Kaidou-kun!” “Hello, what a nice surprise to run into everyone here.” “Oh, hey there, Yumehara and... Offu~! T-T-Teruhashi-san?!” Saiki Kusuo, ever the suffering protagonist, drags a hand over his face. See? God hates him. Two aisles over, he can still hear Aiura and Toritsuka’s voices drifting over: “Man, I’m sick of looking at your pervy mug. C’mon, Kusuo, let’s ditch this loser—Huh, where did you run off to, Kusuo?!” “Your petty squawking has given us all an earache and must’ve driven Saiki-san off as well!” Oi, oi, Kusuo flinches inwardly, seized by a helpless fear of watching his quiet Sunday careening off the cliff and further away from his grasp. Quit yelling out my name like that and throwing me to the wolves already! Too late. At the mention of Kusuo’s name, Nendou cranes his neck 270 degrees Exorcist-style like a hideously monstrous owl and rushes over to Toritsuka’s side. “Oh! Did you just say my pal is here?!” he exclaims happily, shaking Toritsuka by the shoulders like a dog shaking an unfortunate chew toy. “I knew I’d seen him when we walked in earlier!” Not to be outdone by Nendou, Teruhashi also leaps forward before Aiura with none of her previous composure, her unblemished, porcelain visage now dusted with a hint of rose, a conflicted mix of perplexity and (envious) shock pooling in her angelic eyes. “D-Did you say ‘Saiki’?! H-Hey, Aiura-san, you did say ‘Saiki’ and not actually ‘Kusuo’, right? M-My, I must have misheard things, right? R-Right?!” “What the heck is going on? Is Saiki really here?” Anxious, Kusuo grits his teeth at the growing clamour as his friends converge from all corners of the store towards the aisle where he’d been forced to hide. Guess there’s no avoiding it after all, he frets despairingly, and in less than a nanosecond, teleports unnoticed from the konbini to an empty street outside. Kusuo sighs, relieved to have finally escaped. Minor inconveniences aside, perhaps a quiet Sunday spent savouring chocolate brownie and cherry parfait in the comfort of his home isn’t beyond his reach yet. What? Didn’t he just use his powers for self-interest to teleport out of a sticky situation? Foolish readers, that was for self-preservation and completely acceptable, of course. He holds his shopping bag close, pleased that he’d managed to avoid a disaster, and begins to walk down the street—only to freeze mid-step when he feels a sudden splitting headache jolt through him… A flash of images appears: Aiura and Toritsuka crouching in fear together, Kuboyasu bracing his bleeding arm, Kaidou screaming shrilly as he shields Yumehara and Teruhashi from a masked man brandishing a gun, Nendou digging his nose with his pinky—That’s just disgusting, no one wants to see that, stop it!! The vision finally ends, and Kusuo lifts a hand to his face, massaging his temple to clear the precognitive fog from his mind. An armed robbery, huh. He lets out another resigned sigh. Good grief—What a pain, Saiki ‘I-don’t-(but I actually really do)-care-about-my-friends’ Kusuo mutters internally in annoyance, even as he yeets himself head-first into other people’s business and right back into the convenience store to stop a future robbery. Still he smiles, eyes soft with perhaps the slightest flicker of affection for this dysfunctional bunch of people in his disastrous life. Someone has to protect them and save the day, after all.

  –End–

[memcaked]

Petrify

Source: Subarashiki kono Sekai | The World Ends With You

Characters: The Reaper who missed the meeting from Week 3 Day 5, Kariya Koki, Sakuraba Neku, Kitaniji Megumi, Yashiro Uzuki, Minamimoto Sho, Bito “Beat” Daisukenojo

Additional tags: Apocalypse, Misanthropy, reaper who missed the meeting is also losing their hearing, POV Second Person, Further Warnings in Author’s Note, hivemind, Not beta read, TWEWYTOBER, TWEWYTOBER 2020

Summary: When Kitaniji called that emergency meeting of his, you were grumpy.

Beginning notes: Addendum: this was first written and uploaded on the day of October 7th, 2020. hm so this was certainly not the "wacky shaun of the dead-esque joke about the reaper who missed the meeting upset about all their friends who are ignoring them" that it was meant to be, um. ah.

warnings might be overboard but genuinely did not expect this to be this dark, do want to be better safe than sorry. this work has these very clinical discussion of death and apocalypse and i... i know twewy do be a game all about death but i really do feel some of this is toeing the line. reaper also has hearing + memory loss which might hit too close to home?

to be honest, reflecting on how swiftly a turn this took when i was writing in such a bad mood? i guess writers do fall into their same patterns very quickly.

Body:

When Kitaniji called that emergency meeting of his, you were grumpy. Emergency Calls are for when the UG’s existence is threatened, and as far as you were concerned, the stress is centred around the souls and bodies piling up while the Officers obsess themselves over some prickly kid’s Imagination. So you jigged. It’s a very simple thought process.

Three weeks is so much work; when you’re processing dead, of course, there’s a wintertime uptick, of course, there’ll be no shortage of souls during wars and bombings and accidents and floods and heatwaves and storms. UGs get put under lots of pressure. Kariya told you it’s happened before, in 2 games of the past 10 years, but it was much more common back then. You haven’t seen Kariya or his Yashiro understudy since he told you that.

(Why has it become so empty? There are two fucking players and one of them is that supposed prodigy who crashed and burnt out in his first week, how do so many… so many Reapers drop off? When was the last time you saw those towers of junk and garbage and smashed-up goods that’d kill your smell when you came up to it? There’s so much, so much of the same noise for so little Reapers, where did it all come from?)

The O-Pins the Officers must have issued at the emergency meeting was another brands stunt like the one last fortnight, you thought. Some magical placebo dud to rain hell on two players who didn’t know how to quit, and you’re not too sure if that’s really a bad thing. On the day you last saw Kariya, he danced away with Yashiro in their hushed voices that your hearing on its way out couldn’t grasp other than his skeptical “... they keep the chains on?” You used the cudgel of how you don’t need these special buffing pins to give a good fight though when you look at everyone, the stillness, the simpleness, the ceaselessness, you think you could… who the fuck are you kidding. You haven’t talked to anyone since those two players the UG is going to ruins to get their souls nearly challenged you to a fight, asked about your other friends and why you’re not repeating… whatever they were talking about. You could hear what they said in the first few hours they went like this, but it became background noise to you, your hearing numbing it further.

Something started panicking in you since those two Players talked to you. “These teenage boys are very well going to be the last people I’ll speak to,” it said, “And what will be left over when they’re gone? When they’re gone for the collateral damage of everything?” it feared, “The Officers or the Conductor might not be like this, but what are the chances a lowly wall reaper could meet them?” it screamed. You started moving across all of Shibuya, seeing the same solidified crowds and the drone of voices too quiet for you, searching for anybody in the mix that didn’t have the cursed O-Pin. A lost soul in the sea of to count the wireless Wongs of belfrey or what they’re meant to repeat, repeat, repeat.

You touch any of the actors in the tableaux vivants those stupid pins have made of every corner of Shibuya and that ugly-bright red stare flashes with the same sentences you can barely remember. Maybe hoping they’ll snap out of it, only to hear them recite with the same delivery every time. And from all of the trying with the exact same results, you’re sure you’re hallucinating all the accents. You swore you bumped into some pale pink statue that had such a euro twang you heard the what a wunderkind word sucks vood be as you abandoned it to repeat its trite words to itself, and for those same words to stumble through one ear and out the other with you.

The winds of Dogenzaka chill you to your bones. You peer through the ramen shops’ dark windows, the ones that were all the rage last week, their flashing LEDs off, dirty dishes left on the drainers for the rest of the single-digit days this place has left. You shift in and out of the UG as you stroll by, the reaper decal zoning you back and forth between the collision course that’s Kitaniji’s plans and the living humans of Shibuya. You wonder if its time to give up. You sit on the low windowsill (wow, no hostile architecture?) of some bistro, seeing flashes of your Reaper comrades you can barely name or see their faces of, and wonder what went so horribly wrong.

This morning you know you knew what the kids looked like, Freshmeat without his wings and that fiery, spiky hair screaming for attention, but everything but their biggest details are fading, muddying, merging into the frozen, reddish-grey of the pedestrians, their eyes flashing and droning their motto every, you’ve lost so much track of time you don’t even know. You don’t even know the time except for the blazing Shibuya sun and bitterly frosty nights. You don’t think you remember the date, despite living your unlife by the Timelimit within 7 days. There won’t be anyone left but you, your darkening memory and your deafening hearing and stumbling around the hivemind’s world.

You can see the sun dipping below the skyline. Not that you know when’s the end of this week, but you give Shibuya ‘till the end of that for its unthinking, monotone swan song Maybe when it’s the end and there’s nobody with their wits left, the UG can go through the dead easier. Maybe they’ll be able to write the countless longs or whatever they repeated before everything went solid. It’s a touch strange that even though you’re dead in the ground you’re the one who’s seeing the end of the world.

End notes: or, as a rewording of the final line and keeping in the style this was written in, the world ends with y

realised when i was writing the ending of this probably was thinking of Inventory by Carmen Maria Machado (very nsfw. warnings for an attempted rape in one paragraph and General Pandemic End-Times which were intriguing when this was published back in 2017 but Fucking Terrifying in this day and age!) esp with some final lines. ooo you want to read her body & other parties so bad ooo

[rockshortage]

*Cracks knuckles* Ow. Let's see, how about: A6, 16. B1, 12. C1, 2, 3, 5, 8. D4. E2, 3, 7. F2, 5, 10, 12 (Sorry, but also not sorry) I6. L1, 2, 4, and 9 :)

hoo boy that took a while

A6) Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., “I’m sure that’s what you said” versus “It’s possible I misheard you.”

Ah, he questions himself a lot. Maybe he wasn’t listening well enough because he was too distracted by being anxious? Maybe he misinterpreted this event, because his background knowledge on it was lacking, he doesn’t know the full story and opinions from all sides, he’s not sure he can form a well educated opinion on this--

A16) Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you don’t budget first?

Hector needs to do it himself for Science, because how else is he to truly know, if not from his own personal experience? Trusting what people tell you is good and all but gathering data yourself is better.

Unless we’re talking about raider politics, in which case there’s not really a good way for Hector to gather data without seriously endangering him and friends, so he’ll just listen to Gage.

B1) Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Generally, he believes it’s necessary to give people respect before you can expect it in return. He learns that many people do not in fact think the same way. He’ll still want to extend basic courtesy to them even if they’re assholes, unless they disrespect/piss him off to the extremes, or if their actions threaten his position and in turn the well-being of himself and friends.

B12) Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they can’t just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do?

Have a back and forth about it in his head – ah it’s not so bad it’s still fine, but then again he really wanted it differently… but he doesn’t wanna bother them and be entitled about it, but man… :( Might get close to pointing it out but chances are slim that he’ll actually get someone to correct the order. It’ll be disappointing but he’ll eat it.  

C1) Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Eeeh, not a super strong one. His baseline are general societal morals and norms, like… help person good, kill person bad. Most of the time he’ll base his actions on what feels right for him and for his friends. He’ll consider: will doing this make me feel bad afterwards? Will it have a negative impact on other people, who don’t deserve it? Is that consequence worth it because it saves my own skin or helps/protects my friends?

C2) Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

Bringing back the point about sacrificing for the greater good. He’d consider that the morally right thing to do because it impacts fewer people negatively. But making that sacrifice endangers his friends, whose lives for him personally are worth much more than an abstract crowd of people. So he chooses to not do the thing for the greater good and save his friends instead, and yes, he would feel very bad on the one hand, because oh boy. As far as most people are concerned, he did a horrible terrible thing and was extremely selfish and absolutely chose wrong. But on the plus side, and that’s a very big huge plus- he still has his friends. And still having his friends makes him feel less bad than how he would have felt if he didn’t have his friends anymore.

So uh… yes and no.

C3) Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own?

More or less. He can’t hang out well with people he completely disagrees with in every way, of course that’s not going to work. But Hector is… how to say… kinda boring when it comes to ideals and opinions and all that stuff. He just doesn’t have very strong ones in general. Which can make him a little bland and potentially spineless, but also pretty agreeable. As long as they don’t constantly shove their great big opinions in his face, they’ll get along well enough.

C5) Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

I think I kind of answered this in C2. Basic morals do get thrown out the window if friends are threatened, or if he gets pissed off enough. He’d have to be really pissed off though. As well as being post having-grown-a-spine(-at-least-partially). Hurting people bad but being insufferable to Hector also bad so guess what fucker

C8) Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

Again a little tricky because I’m having trouble coming up with a scenario that would help me make up my mind with a definite answer. I’m leaning more towards a practical approach 1) because Hector is more of a realist/pessimist in general, 2) he doesn’t want to like… be overly demanding

D4) Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

The more he thinks about it the more meaningless life seems to get for someone like him. Solution: don’t think about it! Repress that shit because it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway. Also an involuntary solution but one that helps nonetheless: have shit memory so that you don’t feel like you’ve lived too many lifetimes.

If you were to ask him, the answer you get completely depends on the headspace he’s in at the moment. If he’s just vibing, going about his day and things are going well then yeah! Immortality isn’t so bad. If you catch him on an off day, things aren’t going so well, maybe he just thought about having to deal with losing his friends eventually… then you obviously get the opposite answer.

E2) Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera)

I know I talked about this before and I grouped them from strong to medium to weak but I can’t for the life of me find the post anymore (thanks tumblr for your useless garbage search and tagging features). So I can’t even check if I’m still on the same wavelength with past me :v

From strongest to weakest we have…

Logical-mathematical

Spatial

Linguistic

Bodily-kinesthetic

Musical

Naturalist

Interpersonal

Existential

Intrapersonal

E3) How many languages do they speak?

Three… and a half.

The half language being Swiss German, because I don’t know what the fuck it is even after graduating from language uni

The others: Standard German, English, and French, from strongest to weakest.

E7) Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous?

Yes, yes, and yes. He’s very good at taking notes considering most of science is documentation. And even now when he’s not doing a lot of Formal Science things, he still writes in his journal almost daily, summing up events and making notes of important things. He gets nervous with tests with all the self doubt if he really prepared well enough and the unpredictability of the questions that will be asked, but once the pen is in his hand, he just blazes through it.

F2) What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

Someplace underground, safe and sturdy like a vault. Industrial aesthetic is welcome and he wants to have plenty of space, but it shouldn’t feel huge and empty. Needs to be homey, even if it might feel a little rustic to the average person. Having it built into a mountain would be sick, so he still has the perfect protection from the sun, but he doesn’t have to crawl out of a hole in the ground like some kind of worm – instead he opens the door and gets the most amazing view immediately.

… and I promise, only after writing the above did I remember that he pretty much lives in a mountain already, just a plastic one. Close enough.

F5) How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

Quite handy indeed. He can fix most things, he usually just needs some time to (re-)familiarize himself with the object and its functions. A lot of it also involves trial and error, but he’ll figure it out eventually.

F10) Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

He’d actually be really good at pen/pencil drawing, what with making technical illustrations and blueprints of Science Stuff, but it’s not a skill that’s applied in an artsy setting. When the goal is to draw for the sake of drawing, evoking emotion, or paint with a brush, that’s probably when shit would fall apart. I can’t remember who the artist was, but it reminds me of this little comic about Paladin Danse – in which he’s extremely good at technical drawings but then he attempts to draw a dog and it just looks…wrong.

Now with music, he’s more likely to engage in it in an artful way. He likes to sing, even if he very rarely does it now that he has people around him more often than not. Before, he’d just be alone in his lonely place and sing and scream to his heart’s content, but now he’s too awkward to do it, because someone might hear him. He is pretty good at it though, considering how much alone time he’s had to practice.

F12) Would they enjoy a theme park?

The rides and junk food? Yes absolutely. But the giant crowd and every little consequence it entails, nope, no thank you, he’ll just leave it be.

You bet he’s gonna go on the rides at nuka world though once they got them back up and working, because the crowd isn’t as big as pre-war and he’s the fucking overboss and can skip lines and restrict access to others however he damn pleases.

I6) Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

He can, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys it. The first month or so at nuka world he almost exclusively lives off of some shitty nutrient bars. In some scenarios, food just exists as sustenance and not as something to be enjoyed.

In a preferable scenario though, it is to be enjoyed. And I think while he would get bored of it after a while, it’d take longer than for the average person. And even then, he’s just happy he can eat something enjoyable at whatever pace he likes instead of having to scarf down Compressed Nutrient

L1) How have your characters changed since you created them?

He stopped existing in a void, which is a pretty damn big change. Now he has a whole world and other characters to interact with, that contribute to shaping and developing his personality.

L2) What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?

Oof, this is hard. Maybe… getting to know yourself? Accepting change, personal growth?

L4) Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

I’m actually not sure sjdfsdnsv

Like yes he is sweet bean who must be protected, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a weird little old man. I guess if we can just chill listening to music and he can go off about crustaceans or something and we speak The Horrible Language, why the fuck not

L9) How did you come up with your OC?

Masks cool. Me especially like gas masks. Unhinged science characters also cool. Make generic but still sliiiightly unique design and make it a point to not have him be a young pretty boy character despite having immortality. Add lots of weaknesses to compensate for the immortality. Add science personality things and complete the picture with projections of my own personality. Boom, you’ve got yourself the beginnings of a Hector

[annoyinglyjovialbird]

Voltron: Next Generation

Dangerous Clashes: I

Word Count: 2203

The crew of the Coeus lounged in their chairs around a round table. Laughing and eating their food, Cake was recounting the incident that earned him the nickname.

"I had frosting coming out of my nose for weeks afterward!" Everyone laughed. Caleb looked off to the direction Kova had headed to use the bathroom. It had been a few minutes and she still hadn't returned. 

"Hey, where's Kova?" He asked the group.  

"She's probably trying to figure out the girl and boy bathrooms," Kenny said dismissively. Caleb shook his head, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms. 

"Kova has been reviewing common words and symbols in alien languages since we started at the Garrison as senior cadets. The first ones she learned were the symbols for the bathroom."

"Then maybe something didn't sit well with her stomach." Kenny was enjoying a specialty from Garrett & Sons. Cake said it was his father's favorite burger. 

"I don't know. She's always back by now." Caleb looked away again, hoping she would prove him wrong. She didn't show in the crowd. "What did you make of Keith's request?" He turned to look at his Dad. 

"I found a few things in his size. Hope he likes them better than the poncho." 

Caleb nodded, not saying much. He looked out at the crowd again. Still no Kova. 

"Dad, track the bracelet." Caleb looked stern. 

"Caleb, Kova is probably fine."

"She would be back by now."

"It was like Kenny said, something probably didn't agree with her stomach. You're worrying over nothing."

"Something feels wrong. Track the bracelet." 

Shiro sighed, opening a screen on his metallic arm. The screen showed two sets of dots. One set was yellow. The other was green. The missing set was red. 

"I broke the connection between Kenny and Kova's bracelets. Unless they're connected, I can't find her." Shiro said. He shrugged and tried to return to his meal. Caleb had other plans. 

"Liz, use the BLIP." 

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

"But the Colonel says she's probably fine. There's also a ton of people here. The BLIP won't track individuals."

"I'll give you the specs to narrow the search. Use the BLIP."

"Caleb, if you won't calm down, we're going back to the ship." 

"Okay, let's go." Caleb stood up from his chair, picking up his tray and throwing his garbage away. He waited by the exit to the food court. 

"Now look at what you did," Kenny said, mouth still stuffed. The crew stood, following Caleb to the Coeus. One by one, the teens made their way to the bridge. Liz pulled up the BLIP system while Allie checked on Keith. 

"Did you see anything suspicious?" Caleb asked the older man. Keith didn't say anything in response. 

"Cake, can you pull up camera feed over the past few hours?" 

"Sure thing." The screen at the front of the Coeus appeared, splitting into four screens. Two at the back of the ship, and two at the front. 

In the front camera on the left, the one closest to the space mall, Kova was seen being walked to a small ship by two individuals about a head and a half taller than her. As the flew past the Coeus, the camera on the right caught them. They were heading towards a ship in the distance. The dark battleship bore a familiar purple insignia, but not one of the former ships. This one had the current symbol for the Fire in blazing purple on the side of the ship, as well as the entire face of the tower. 

"Liz, type search, then enter BLKPLDNBS into the bar that should pop up." She followed his directions. When she went to look at him, Caleb was already out of sight, getting ready for flight on his console. "Send those coordinates to Kova's console. The colonel should be able to take care of the rest."

"Wait, what's going on?" Keith asked, but the crew ignored him as they prepared to follow the Fire's ship. "Hey, don't ignore me!"

"Ken, show Keith back to his room and get into position in the engine room," Shiro ordered as he took his place at Kova's console. He took the coordinates, applied them to a map, and began flying towards Yorak.

———————

Kova was placed into handcuffs. The two aliens that had dragged her onboard were rough. Much rougher than what they needed to be. She was complying. It wasn't like she was going to stab them. 

They led her to a door. It didn't open. Side-eying the aliens, they were just about to poop themselves. This was probably their first time even /seeing/ the Emperor, much less /talked/ to him. Opening it, Kova was pushed through the open doorway. The room was about eleven feet long by eight feet wide. The ceiling sat nine feet above Kova's head. Draped curtains were covering the last wall of the room, enveloping the room in darkness. From a door off to the side, Yorak stood tall. Eyes scanning the room as they met with the pair that had captured her. 

"Kyla." His smile grew wider. He was dressed more like an Emperor this time. Dressed in dark gray and black armor with the Fire insignia in the middle of his chest plate, a dark gray and purple lined cape fell around his shoulders. His dark hair hadn't been combed, but his marks looked darker. Just as she was studying him, Yorak was studying her. 

"Civilian clothes." Yorak went from her clothes to the pair that had captured her. "When I was informed you had captured the one I wanted, I asked if she was wearing armor. You said yes." With slow steps, Yorak's smile never changed, but it seemed to grow darker as he approached the men. "You dare lie to your Emperor?" The pair began to violently shake their heads and sank to their knees. Kova stayed standing, being pulled by the shoulder to just behind Yorak's cape. "Don't look, little Kyla. It will be a little messy." The screams of the pair echoed on the walls, and Kova could only sit and listen. Shutting her eyes wouldn't do anything, so she stared at the floor. Their screams lasted only a few seconds, but they were being put on a loop inside Kova's brain. Yorak turned to Kova, bending over to study the cuffs on her hands. 

"What do you want with me?" Kova asked. She refused to meet Yorak's eyes. 

"You'll see soon enough." He turned to the guards and ordered them to take her to a room close to his. The guards complied, dragging her to the door the Emperor emerged from. She turned back, only a quick glance. The pair that took her were lying motionless on the floor.  The darkness of the room spared her from anything else. 

Yorak's guards tossed her into the most overrated supply closet known to the universe. It was about half the size of the room before and directly across from the ostentatious door that housed the Emperor's sleeping quarters. They uncuffed her and closed the door behind them. Kova stood in the middle of the room, hands balled into fists. Tears pricked her amber eyes, but none fell. When it was clear no one would come through the door, she saw the dirty cot on the floor and studied the shelves. They were all filled with various liquids and cleaning supplies. The top shelf held toilet paper, and a map of the entire ship. 

/Thank you for keeping me in a supply closet/, she thought. The map included a bright red X over her spot and several lines that led to different exits. Score! 

Footsteps on the metal floor alerted Kova to someone moving. She took a few steps to the middle of the floor and pretended to stare at the dirty bed. The door opened behind her, and she turned to sneer at the armor-clad soldiers. 

"Pure or mixed?" She asked them. Two of them snarled at the question. The others stared her down but did nothing. A tray of food was placed before her, and the door closed again.

The dingy tray held a bowl filled with green goo and the cup held dark water. There was no way Kova was eating whatever that was. She kicked the tray at the door, hoping the ringing echoed in the hallway. With quiet steps, she returned to studying the map. 

——————

Caleb was typing away at systems reports, checking over the weapons systems, and was trying to figure out how much power would go into powering more than one system. Kova's location was several days away from the Coeus. Kenny, Liz, and Cake were giving it their all to repair the teleduv with the lenses, but it would still take some time. The Black Lion had been stationary in the bay. 

"You know, it doesn't do anyone any good if you exhaust yourself." Shiro appeared behind Caleb, making the teen jump. With a sigh, Caleb returned to his console. 

"I'm not exhausting myself," He muttered. "I'm just reviewing systems." 

"Caleb, your sister will be fine." Caleb froze. His hands curled into fists on the desk. 

"You didn't see how she reacted to Yorak." Caleb turned to Shiro. "It was like she saw a ghost." 

"That is understandable, given her history with the Fire."

"That's another thing!" The teen stood from his chair and descended the stairs to the floor. "There's no accurate intel on the Fire since the recon mission and the underestimated numbers!" 

"That was no one's fault."

"Kova is on a ship going who-knows-where. Yorak might try to get Kova on his side." 

"And if he doesn't? Yorak could've changed as Kova did over the years." Shiro stared at the teen, who was leaning his head on the glass. 

"How are the engineers doing on the teleduv?" He asked quietly. 

"They should be done soon."

"Good." Caleb pushed himself from the glass and headed towards the doorway. "I'm going to bed." 

Shiro was left alone on the bridge. He was worried, too. Kova was his family, too. Shiro knew better than anyone, though, that if anyone could survive the Fire intact, it would be Kova. 

Down in the engine room, Liz was pushing a wrench. The bolt wouldn't loosen. Cake approached her from behind, and she sighed. Moving aside, Cake rolled his sleeves and gripped the wrench in one hand. One quick push and the wrench moved. Liz hated it when it happened. A yelp from the other side of the room had Liz moving. 

"Kenny?" She called. 

"Here!" He groaned. He was trapped under a metal box. Who knows how he got stuck under there, but at least it didn't seem to crush him. She crouched down and lifted a corner of the box. It must've been made from aluminum because it was so light. At least she was stronger than Kenny. 

"What did you do?" 

"I was checking air pressure." He rolled onto his stomach and crawled away from the box. "It's good."

"I figured." She put the box down as carefully as she could and patted Kenny's head. "Cake and I were replacing some of the lenses and metal panel in the teleduv." 

"Cool." Kenny's voice was muffled, but the thumbs-up he gave was enough.

"Do you want me to grab a wheelchair and take you back to your room?" She asked with a smile. Kenny's head shot up and whipped to glare at her. 

"I dare you to grab the chair." 

"Okay, grandpa." 

"Your dad is older than me!" 

"So?"

"Guys, are you done?" Cake yelled. 

"Almost!" Liz yelled back. She turned to Kenny again. "If you have to, go to your room and rest. Otherwise, stop being such a grandpa and help us." She all but skipped away from the man, now fuming. He stood up, grumbling the entire time about inconsiderate and know-it-all teenagers. Liz rolled her eyes and followed the sound of Cake's voice. He was messing with the code on the screen used to run diagnostics. The code kept giving error codes and didn't allow for changes. 

"Oh, that's why." Liz crossed her arms and looked at the code. She wasn't a programmer. The strings of code were close to unreadable. 

"Are you entering it right?" Kenny asked, lightly pushing Cake aside to enter the code himself. Another error code appeared on the screen. If even Kenny couldn't do it, then who could?

"Kova could," Liz said a little too loud. She had answered her own question, but it was the question the others had on their mind. Kenny glowered. "Sorry, but it's true."

"Rumor says she helped fix the Achlys," Cake said. 

"Really? Was it an engineering or programming issue?"

"Engineering. A small magnetic field was frying the servers."

"Will you stop talking about Captain Perfect?" Kenny shouted. His voice echoed on the walls, silencing the two. 

"C'mon Cake. It's almost dinnertime." Liz and Cake left Kenny alone. His head was pounding. If Kova was Kenny's lost little sister, then why was he still jealous of her? She deserved to be where she was at. Especially after the abrupt goodbye.

[evabellasworld]

Alexsandr Kallus x OC

Ambush: Chapter 5

Masterlist: 1│2│3│4│5

Also on AO3

OC: Emma Tua

Opening her eyes, Emma groaned as she felt her head throbbing, finding herself lying down on the cold, durasteel floor. "Where are we?" she asked, rubbing her forehead. "We're locked up in a cell," Kallus answered, as he helped her stand her feet on the ground and sat her down on the prison bench.

"How long was I knocked out?" she glanced at him, squeezing his hand. "Quite long, actually," he told her, pushing strands of her hair behind her ears. "Are you alright?"

Emma gave a slight nod when she heard the cell door hissed in front of her, revealing to be Agent Kwon, with her arms guarded behind her. "I see your partner is awake," she spoke, in an icy tone. "Ready to talk?"

Kallus glared at his former mentee, tightening his lips. "There is nothing you'll gain from us, Agent Kwon."

"Really?" she chuckled, raising her eyebrows. "From what I read from your files, you used the codename 'Fulcrum' to leak Imperial information to the Rebel Alliance, am I correct?"

"I'm guessing Thrawn must've filed that," he dodged her questions. "The Grand Admiral is very particular about everything he finds, after all."

"Did Mon Mothma sent both of you to gather the supplies here in Christophsis?"

Kallus lifted his shoulders. "You were the one who leaked false information to the rebellion and lure us here just to capture the both of us. Looks like I taught you well."

Agent Kwon sighed in frustration as she pounded her fist on the wall. "Answer the question, you traitor," she barked, her eyes twitching. He burst into laughter as he slapped his thighs. "Whatever you say, miss."

She slowly removed one of her gloves as she slapped his cheeks, leaving a red mark. Emma stood up and swung her fist at the ISB agent, only to be deflected, much to her surprise. Agent Kwon stretched out her leg and kicked her in the abdomen, causing her to fall on her back. 

As Agent Kwon grabbed her blaster from her holster, Kallus grabbed her neck from behind and pressed it harder, making her face turned purple. Emma stood on her ground and jabbed her jaws, dropping her on the floor. Snatching her blaster and comlink from Agent Kwon's holster, Emma held Kallus's hand and ran out of their cell, blasting a couple of stormtroopers on the way out.

Agent Kwon caught her breath as one of the stormtroopers approached her and helped her out. "After them!" she barked, dusting her tunic. The trooper gave a nod and ordered his men to chase down the rebels in the hallways.

"So what's the plan now?" Emma asked Kallus, tackling the stormtroopers with her fists. "We'll steal another ship and fly out of this planet," he answered, as he blasts one of them.

"We're not leaving The Argonaut behind," she shouted, as she elbowed them in the eye. Kallus groaned in frustration. "Your plan didn't work, Emma."

"We can try again," she headbutted them, then pushing them into the garbage chute. "I have a better plan this time."

"Isn't it more efficient to grab a ship and fly away instead?" Kallus shot down a bunch of stormtroopers. 

"Arin will kill me if I don't return with the ship."

"Fine," he unsealed the door, preventing more troopers from chasing them. "But if I die, you're paying for my funeral."

"Fine by me," she grabbed her hand as they raced towards the hangar, only to be greeted by more stormtroopers, surrounding them in circles. "It's over, rebel scum," Agent Kwon appeared from behind, pointing her blaster. "You both are outnumbered. Now surrender or my troops will become a firing squad."

Emma's lips curved upwards as she raised both her hand and pressed her comlink on her wrist. "Kill us?" she snickered. "You're gonna need us to destroy the rebellion."

"What are you up to?" he whispered in her ears.  

"Distracting her. Now get ready to jump off from the platform."

His eyes widened as he watched her take a few steps forward towards his former student, letting out a sigh. "You're quite smart for a former Imperial Technician, actually," praised Agent Kwon. "Perhaps you would be even better as an Imperial officer. The uniform looks good on you, actually."

Emma grinned as she glanced up at the midnight sky, her ship hovering above them. As The Argonauts opened fire at the platform, she blasted some of the stormtroopers and took her partner's hand, as they both jumped into their ship together. "We'll be back, agent," she saluted, as the ship door closed automatically.

The duo walked inside their cockpit and found a pink astromech and a blonde-haired android taking control, much to Kallus's confusion. "Who are they?" he asked. "That's Somi, our astromech and Elly, an android," Emma introduced. "They mostly helped around with the ship."

He raised his eyebrows as Emma sat down on the pilot's seat. "You didn't tell me you had an astromech and an android."

"You didn't ask," she teased, as she noticed a swarm of TIE-fighters flying towards their direction on their scope. "We have TIEs incoming."

He ran out from the cockpit and climbed into the dorsal laser cannon, shooting some the TIEs one-by-one. Emma flew The Argonaut in zig-zagged, avoiding the laser blasts coming from the Star Destroyers. "We have more TIEs in front of us," she yelled. "I'll take care of it," Elly replied, as she jumped into the nose laser cannon and fired upon the TIEs into bits.

Emma pulled the steering upwards, turning the ship upside down. Kallus held on his grip as he almost fell off from his seat. "What in blazes are you doing?" he demanded, his head feeling light. "Finding an opening to jump."

"There's no way we'll get out of here if you fly like this," he retorted, missing a few ships from his visor. 

"Oh Alex, don't you have anything positive to say?"

"I'm positive that you’re going to be the death of me," he shot down a TIE fighter, making Emma snort. "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard from you."

"Em, we're all clear," Elly took down the last TIE. The brunette-haired woman cheered as she jumped into hyperspace. Kallus walked into the shuttle and exhaled in relief. "Looks like we escaped from Imperial custody."

She gestured to Elly, letting him take the co-pilot seat. "I'll admit. Your plan actually worked."

"Of course it does," she winked, as the android entered, holding a first-aid kit. "Would you mind helping me clean my wounds?"

His cheeks turned red. "You want me to heal you?"

Emma nodded as she removed her shirt, revealing a few bruises on her midriff.

 "Don't be shy," she giggled at him. "I don't bite unless you want me too."

Kallus cleared his throat as he grabbed an ointment and poured it on a cotton pad, rubbing it gently on her stomach. He felt his heart pounding as he wrapped a bandage around her thick waist with his clammy palms. He then looked away as Emma put on her shirt. "Do you have any bruises?" she asked, finding it hard for me to stop smiling.

He shook his head. "Only a few on my back," he pointed out. "But I'm alright."

"Do you mind if I take a look?"

"Alright then," he turned around as he lifted his shirt, showing his wounds on his back. Emma tended to his wound with her gently arm, admiring his muscular body. "So, how often do you workout?" she asked, biting her lips. He chuckled and glanced at her. "An hour a day," he answered, putting his shirt back on. "What about you?"

"Two hours a day for me," she crossed her head, leaning against her seat. "Although, I'm pretty weak at climbing."

He laughed softly, shaking his head. "Of course you are. Have you tried practising?"

"Yeah, but I kept falling. My brother would laugh at me and call me names."

"Did you try practising alone?"

"I did, but I still fall."

He leaned closer to her, making Emma beamed up. "Then, in that case, I'll help you out with that," he offered. "I promise I won't laugh at you."

She gave a light slap on his shoulder as she suppressed her giggles. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

Kallus almost choked on his saliva as he blinked a couple of times, scratching the back of his neck. "Of course not, unless you want me to."

Emma burst into laughter as she playfully punched his elbows. "Okay, now you're teasing me."

He rolled his eyes as they arrived at the rebel base a few hours, greeted by Mon Mothma and Maira Marago. "You're late," scolded the red-haired Senator. "Explained yourselves."

"The supply run turned out to be a trap, senator," Kallus explained. "Apparently, my former student, Agent Eunbin Kwon, has lured both of us into a trap and tried to interrogate us for more information about the Rebel Alliance."

Maira's eyes widened as she glanced at Mon Mothma. "How did you both escape?"

"It was a team effort," Emma answered, squeezing his hand. "If weren't for Kallus, we wouldn't make it back alive."

"Get some rest, both of you," Mon Mothma advised. "I expect a full report by tomorrow."

"Yes, General," he saluted, as the Rebel Alliance leader dismissed the couple, leaving them alone with Maira. "So, I take it you both got along very well?"

"We did," Emma smiled. "Although I find pretty predictable."

Kallus scoffed as he nudged her shoulder. "Predictable? You were pretty reckless."

"Looks like you both a great team after all," Maira chuckled, as she was about to leave. "Maybe next time I'll assign you two lovebirds in the next mission."

He crossed his arm as he watched her heading towards the ship, before shifting his focus towards Emma. "We should call it a night. It's getting late."

She gave a nod. "I'll see you tomorrow for climbing practice."

"Be there before sunrise," he gave a reminder. "You know I'm not into latecomers."

Emma smiled as she followed Maira into The Argonaut, waving at the former ISB agent. "Good night, handsome."

"Good night, Em."

[jq37]

so...... thoughts on the first ep?

**spoilers for start spreading the news**

What is UP you guys? The new season of Dimension 20 is out and your girl is back (implies I left, which is false) with only the hottest of takes.

Usually I vomit up my opinions with little rhyme or reason and, don't worry, I'm not changing that format any time soon. But, because of the structure of the episode, I think it'll be easier to use headings and go through each character/element of this. So let's do this y'all!

The Setting

I think the best thing you can do as a writer or a creative person in general is the make something that only you could make, you know? Like, make the thing that only someone with your specific life experiences and weird brain could have come up with. And I really think that this is that for Brennan. I already talked about this in other posts, but the version of NYC that Brennan created for this game is that to me. Like, magical NY has been done, but the specific details? Who else could have written, "The annual SantaCon is actually Santa dumping all of his defective clones into NYC where the magic barrier that keeps normals from seeing magic will disguise them and the protectors of the city will be able to deal with them"? That's so specific and so wild and so New York and so Brennan.

And I haven't lived in NY for so long but I've had one winter here and the way he describes what it's like to walk down the street during winter in the city is so real. Like smelling garbage then laundry detergent then sugared nuts from those corner stands and you're freezing and then baking in the subway in your coat. That was so so real. (I will be saying this phrase a lot so get used to it now)

And I like that he didn't make the obvious choices, you know? Like we've had three, like, magical figureheads across D20 and those are usually classic old, white, possibly British roles, you know? Like a Gandalf or a Dumbledore. But he had Aguefort in FH and now Esther and Alejandro in TUS. I just think it's cool that we're getting some different archetypes to fill these roles instead of the same dude c.p'd in again, you know?

Also, the fantasy NYC map is so dope. I wanna go back and try to read everything on it when I have the chance. 

Pete

Ally is a DRUG DEALER. I thought Pete was gonna be a stripper but he's a DRUG DEALER. Honestly, I could have figured this out sooner if I'd just checked Urban Dictionary like I did just now and found out that "plug" means "someone who is a resource for obtaining something valuable that would otherwise be difficult to obtain" or, more simply, "drug dealer". But I'm glad I didn't because it was much more fun to find out in real time.

Ally makes some character choices sometimes that are too specific to not be rooted in life experience and that whole microwave cheese monologue was one of them.

Pete's official diagnosis is that he has "a lot going on."

Ally almost won MVP line of the episode with, "Shot my tits off." Murph losing it in the background killed me almost more than the actual line.

I really, really want Pete's doctor to be a recurring character because he is wild in how wild he isn't. He has so much wild stuff happening around him and he is in a wild line of work but he seems like a relatively stable guy. I love him. Also, the completely wrong cadence he used to say, "lgbt ally" was gold.

Is Ally ever gonna have a character with a good relationship with their parents? One time? Ever?

I literally don't even know how to begin to address the wild magic trip Pete went on. Like, I don't think Ally knew what they were doing when they decided to be a wild magic sorcerer. I don't think they knew what kind of challenge they were issuing to Brennan. And after seeing the wild nonsense Brennan consistently came up with for Jer'ih'meh in Bloodkeep, I can't want to see the insanity he spits out for Pete.

"You're the one who they they wanted to play a wild magic sorcerer."

Also, Brennan just using lyrics from "New York, New York" for whatever dream demon or whatever was going on in that trip was, like, equal parts clever and hilarious. Sidenote, do you think all the ep titles are gonna be from songs about NY? I mean, there are enough songs I bet.

Pete has this thing where he constantly lands on the exact wrong part of the situation to focus on. Like later when he gets stuffed in the magic closet at the hospital and he's like, "Hospitals are so advanced, also go much is this gonna cost?" Ally's comic timing on that is always perfect.

WILD that that was the first intro. Like, way to kick off the new season with a bang.  I really wonder what this episode would have felt like if this was the last intro or if the intro for the two normal people hadn’t been right at the top. Actually now that I’m editing, I feel like we almost got the intros from least experienced w/ this stuff to most experienced. Because Pete is a total noob. Sophia is also a noob but she has met Kugrash at least once. Then you have Ricky who’s only been in this for about a year. Then Kingston who probably has more experience than Kug by years but Kug has been a rat man his whole life (presumably). Finally Misty who is probably like a BS amount of years old and steeped in this stuff. Honestly,  if I was DM’ing, I might have fudged the die rolls to look exactly like how it turned out. 

Sophia

Emily describing her character and slipping into her character voice gradually as she went on was so pro.

"Like if Fran Dresher went on an Amy Winehouse bender." I love her.

"Did you not want baby bangs?"

"She's a WHOO-OAR."

I'm gonna die if Brennan make than woman an actual succubus because of an offhanded comment.

My favorite thing is when Emily is saying some nonsense and she can barely even get through it without breaking. Also, Murph is so visibly amused by Emily's entire intro. It's great.

I love that both of the "normal" characters spent most of this episode intoxicated in one way or another.

So Emily absolutely won the episode in my eyes for coming up with one of the sickest burns I've heard and in real time. A dude tells her to read his dick and she, after only a momentary pause, says, "No I'm not gonna read your dick (beat) because I don't read short stories!" Brennan doesn't even make her roll. He just narrates her success. The table goes wild. The bar she's at goes wild. Zac specifically is cracking up. Like, I feel like this is gonna be a little bit of a deep cut reference but did any of you ever play the Monkey Island games and do the insult swordfighting? That's what that scene was. Amazing.

Murph's, like, entire posture and expression (@ 1:24ish) when Emily is saying Sophia thinks she saw a giant rat man who gave her an egg sandwich and Gatorade is total gold.

"Gotta kill some brain cells to kill the ones with the memory of Dale in them."

OK so funny story (funny to me at least) at the Fantasy High live show, I was talking to some other girls who were there and we ended up talking about how the small of a woman's back is basically the worst place you can casually touch them outside of the really bad places and how viscerally terrible it is so when Brennan said one of the trolls touched one of the girls there and Sophie/Emily was like BIG NOPE, I had a That's So Raven flashback to that conversation immediately.

Emily leaps into action...and rolls a nat 1 to fight a bunch of trolls. She actually does really well in the rest of the fight though so that's good.  

Oh, also Siobhan made everyone dope themed dice boxes!

Ricky

I hope Dimension 20 runs for the next 10 years and I hope Zac plays a good, big, doofus in every single season.

"He's basically like Superman if Superman were Japanese." Love.

Also, I love the distinction that he's 5' 8" but buff.

Ricky surrounded by a raging fire: First of all, that's a cool bear.

I like the way that Brennan skinned the cleric and paladin powers for this game so they're more about values than deities. I was wondering how it was gonna work in this setting and I think this was such a cool way to handle it.  

I really think Brennan has a great handle of presenting certain things in such a way that it's interesting for the players as well as the audience. Like, when Ricky is trying to escape the burning apartment, he puts an obstacle in his way that forces him to use his Paladin powers (to create water specifically). It's not really a hard "puzzle" or something he has to roll for, but it introduces to the audiences that he's not just a firefighter. I just think it's really cool that he's able to pull off narrative things like that without actually controlling the characters. (And, props to the players too, of course, for being so consistently entertaining).

"Mr. March."

Ricky in the middle of the winter: I'm not as tan as I used to be.

Ricky rooftop runs like a freaking superhero.

OK, this is barely related to what I'm talking about right now but it's important to me that you all know this. I commented in an earlier post that Ricky clearly had circus music playing in his head at all times and then I was like, "Hmm, I wonder what that one circus song is called." You know, the song that you think about immediately when you hear the phrase "circus music" so I looked it up and APPARENTLY it is a CZECH MILITARY MARCH known alternately as (brace yourselves) ENTRY OF THE GLADIATORS and THUNDER AND BLAZES. I kid you not. That's actually what that song is called. I called my brother and told him immediately. OK, back on topic.

Is a questing blade a thing? I feel like it's a Thing from legend or fairy tales or something but, when I Google it, I come up with basically nothing.

Does Ricky have a thing for Esther or is he just a super awkward texter and nice guy who does not want to be set up by his sister for a different reason?

I need Brennan to explain how the Santa Question works in this world. The question being, "Why don't parents freak about the gifts they're not buying?" and, side question, "Why don't poor kids get presents?" My go-to answers are always, "He Jedi Mind Tricks into thinking they bought them," and, "He has to work within each family's socio-economic means in order to not be obvious." So there are def plausible answers. But, like, this is something I like to see addressed when we're doing the "Santa is real," thing.  

"I grew up with twins and one of them was worse than the others so that makes sense."

"Is Santa good?"/"The ethics of it are alarming, I won't lie."

So, my paranoid thought for this episode is I'm a little Concerned that someone down the line (maybe Esther, but hopefully not) is going to take advantage of Ricky's Big Dumb energy and his "It's the right thing to do," mentality and manipulate him into doing something Not Great. Like, it's not based on anything besides mainlining a ton of media over the past 24 years but I'm just gonna keep an eye out.

Re the Santa/Peppermint Zombification: Hey Brennan, turn your location on. I just wanna talk.

I have to say, from the bottom of my heart, what the hell?

That creeped me out in the same way that episode of Adventure time where Princess Bubblegum (infused with the primal elemental candy energy or whatever) turned everyone into Candy people and everyone started singing Let Me Call You Sweetheart. What a weirdly specific body horror thing for me to encounter more than once. That one peppermint tooth thing is gonna haunt me. 

Kingston

I gotta say, props to Lou for pulling a complete 180 on the kind of character he picked this time around. He went from playing this super extra rich pretty boy to this salt of the Earth quasi patriarch and he's just as comfortable with it. Kingston is so real. I went to church with like 50 guys like him back home.

Why are you fighting so hard about free food Kingston? Take the free homecooked food Kingston!

The intensity of his, "I will be here until I die," was hysterical.

Mentioned this before but I love the flavoring of the cleric class where instead of being attuned to a deity Kingston is basically attuned to the entire city. Also, the perks are excellent. Bus service anywhere for free. Sign me up.

I like that Ricky's sister works at the hospital. It's a really cool potential connection for later.

"We're gonna take the thing outchyo butt. We're not gonna deny you medical services."

"Aint nothing wrong with being a freak." --Kingston Brown

Fantasy creatures having to deal with updated tech (like the Toll bridge trolls talking about EZ-passes) is one of my fave urban fantasy tropes.

"I've got a really sweet smelling man here!"

"Yeah, my tooth fell out and now it's a candy. Hey, how much is this gonna cost?" This is what I’m talking about. Priorities my dude.

I love that Kingston knows Pete's weird mob doctor. It seems like part of his deal is that he just knows everything about everyone in the city (within whatever parameters).

Pete says, in quick succession about Ricky, "I feel like he would bully me," and, "He seems like a golden retriever," which I feel are almost mutually exclusive statements.

Kugrash

Well, I asked what kind of druid nonsense was happening in Central Park and the answer is Murph apparently.

I really wish I could have been there when Murph announced he wanted to play a literal rat.

"I am the shit that feeds the flies. A dumpster druid."

"Wherever you are rat Jesus, I love you." You're killing me Brennan.

Aww Kugrash goes around feeding the homeless and stuff. He's like this grumpy ass rat man who really cares about the community.

"Santa you fucking bum." --Kugrash

"I'm sorry are you a rat?"

The idea of a roach with a hobo sack pisses me off because it's adorable but roaches are the worst.

"Is Santa dead?"/"I don't know. I'm not religious."

"Santa Claus is real and he's DEAD."

Brennan loves to use the modifiers "full" and "fully" and I have picked it up irl and in my writing.

"Let's get a little fucked up and go see if Santa's dead!"

Just that whole squirrel interaction.

The sixth borough huh? Interesting. I see you Brennan.

Also, the detail that Kug's clothes are made from old MTA vests is great.

Misty

Siobahn is playing basically exactly the character I thought she'd be playing but she's doing it so much better and more extra than I could have imagined.

"A lady would never say her age, so I won't."

Is her pianist magic or something too? I have my suspicions.

So Misty gets some kind of bard and/or fairy high from praise and adoration which is interesting.

What kind of weird, morally dubious and/or unpleasant fae thing is Misty gonna have to do soonish? It's not gonna be good. Fae stuff never is.

DON CONFETTI

"I don't study magic. I just *am* magic."

So many of these intro vignettes end with, "You don't know that...but you do know who does." Like I said before, I really love the weaving together of all the story threads to get everyone in the same place at the same time in an organic feeling way.

Also he makes all these transitions sound cinematic, like he's writing the description parts of a movie script and not narrating in person.

Public Library! I knew we'd end up here eventually but I didn't know it'd be pretty much immediately. Like, if you're going w/ the "NY is magic" premise, the library has to figure in, you know?

Emily immediately having Sophia recognize Ricky as Mr. March was such a funny and on point character decision. I love how one-off, spur of the moment lines end up being running jokes because other players pick on them and drop them an hour later.

"Are you a rat?"/"Yeah, I'm a rat man!"/"I'm sorry if that was rude."

Brennan: The lions are alive and they're boyfriends.

Misty and Siobhan both are genre savvy enough to want to nip a knights/knave door puzzle situation in the bud.

Ricky on escape rooms: I'm not very good at them but I can definitely try my hardest. (Guys, I love him so much.)

Love me some MC Escher steps.

Underrated Misty line: It's all infernal to me.

Misty's little, "Ugh" at learning they have to go to Times Square is the real NY experience.

Is this Alejandro dude gonna die? What's the over under on this dude eating it very soon?

Misty encouraging Pete to shoot Alejandro is so needlessly chaotic which is a common fae trait and I really hope this escalates.

I dunno what Murph rolled for initiative but he looks like he just shamed his entire family line.

And we’re fighting an army of crazed Santa clones next week! We have literally just started and we are already fully off the rails.  I cannot *wait* to see where we go from here if this is the *starting point*. 

[gabriel4sam]

Three conversations Obi-Wan had after the Death Star

Obi-Wan survives Vader and tries to take care of three young souls.

 Under the cut, a little fic written for @kenobi-gen-exchange, beta by the awesome @wrennette

Leia had entered the Death Star like she was descending into her own mausoleum. In her exhausted mind, it was fitting, in a way. The monstrous contraption which had destroyed Scarif would be her last step before the grave.

Then, there had been a too short Stormtrooper, a walking carpet, and a sarcastic rogue. There had been shots fired, and a garbage chute, and hope had reignited, like a spark starting a bonfire. The plans, the plans of that monstrosity were the best chance the rebellion had and now, she could deliver them…if they escaped.

Now, around them, the TIE fighters bark a deluge of fire, like a pack of small, savage beasts tearing at the throat of a larger animal.

Trying to tear apart, in fact, because the ship of Han Solo has teeth and he and Luke are sitting at the turrets, fighting back. Sitting in the cockpit, Leia watches, her heart in her throat. If they die in this battle, the death of Alderaan will be in vain. She wants to live, with a lust for life she thought lost when she saw her planet explode.

She wants to live, to avenge Alderaan, to tear the Empire apart. A cold shiver runs along her spine, changing her blood into ice in a wave of unknown fury, more dangerous for the calm that surrounds its core. She could murder, in that state of mind. She thirsts for the blood of Tarkin, of Vader; for their pain, to see them lose everything they hold dear, and make them watch, just like they made her. Just as a part of her recognizes, distantly, that her control of her emotions is better than that, normally, that she was raised better than that, warmth engulfs her and the ice recedes. General Kenobi has put his cloak around her shoulders.

“We will live today,” Kenobi says simply, “to rebuild,” and Leia wants to tell him she wants blood, revenge, she wants to throw away her principles to see Vader and Tarkin burn, but their gazes meet, and in the calm blue of his eyes, she sees a bottomless grief, like she carries in her heart.

“My father was happy, at the thought of seeing you again,” She says instead, and Kenobi smiles, old and kind and nothing like the brilliant, headstrong general of the stories, but his arm around her shoulders feels like an anchor, strong and sheltering, like a port in a storm.

“Sadly,” he says, “I know a little about losing my people. I won’t lie and say it will be alright.”

“You’re not very comforting.”

“But I will say this: it will get better, and an objective helps. A mission.”

“What was yours? When you escaped after the war?”

“Well, you and young Luke, of course. Luke, more specifically, but you were never far away from my mind.”

“What?”

“Oh, yes. Of course, you don’t know. We always said we would tell you together, and dear Bail and Breha were people of their word. Oh dear…. The Death Star, first, then we need to have an overdue conversation.”

She wants to pursue this conversation but he pats her hand:

“Allow an old man, whose mind is not as sharp as it used to be, a moment to gather his thoughts.”

“You can’t be serious! It seems like …like you said… Luke,” Leia whines, tumbling head first into a maelstrom of emotions, forgetting every notion of protocol ever drilled, with great difficulty, into her stubborn head, and General Kenobi’s mouth twitches.

In all his stories, her father never told how infuriating the man could be!

 **********************************

 The Death Star is dust, and Han’s head, which was only sought by Jabba, the thrice damned slug, and two or three exes with a grudge, will very probably be on every bounty hunter in the galaxy’s list in the days to come.

And yes, the Imperials.

That pesky problem of every Imperial who will now want him dead for helping the Rebels. Oh joy.

What was he thinking! He hadn’t even been drunk!!

On the edge of Yavin’s base, as the Rebels are packing up with military efficiency, despite an impressive collection of impressive hangovers, Han’s mounting worries look every minute more like full-blown panic, until a shuffling gait draws his attention.

Han isn’t a naïve farmer like Luke. He understands why the old man, whose steps were surer than the most limber Imperial spy on the Death Star, suddenly makes the same noise as a Gungan on dry soil. Kenobi smiles, light, self-deprecating, and Han glares harder. Despite himself, Han feels the poor, innocent, totally not dangerous, definitely can’t kill people with my mind, old man act works, as it had on Tatooine. It’s exasperating, especially since Han is old enough to remember Jedi shenanigans on the holo news. It shouldn’t work on him.

Kenobi sits next to him, and together, they watch the Rebels bundle up machines, explosives, parts, and sometimes a droid who doesn’t escape them quick enough, which spawns a quarter hour of comedy, as R2-D2 rescues his counterpart with violence Han didn’t expect of an astromech .

“Luke and Leia are very young,” Kenobi finally says.

“Hm, hmm,” Han answers. There. Totally not incriminating. He’s capable of learning, no matter what Chewie growls about his head and its contents.

“The crisis is reaching its boiling point,” the old man continues, not deterred.

“Long time coming,” Han can’t stop himself from adding.

“And they would certainly benefit from some guidance,” Kenobi half-smiles.

“They have the whole Rebel crew,” Han immediately says, “and also, aren’t you supposed to be subtle? Negotiator and all that.”

“I didn’t think you would appreciate being manipulated,” Kenobi remarks, and despite himself Han feels it working, that undisguised demand. Manipulated, yeah, he would hate that, especially from the man who is supposed to take care of Luke and Leia.

Those two will be trouble, he’s sure of it.

More trouble than the Death Star, even.

Oh, by the kriffin stars, they’re gonna get killed like two idiots. Luke has no survival instinct, and Leia isn’t much better, and he had only known them for a few days, he’s sure they can do worse than what already made him sweat. And Han isn’t touching on the hypocrisies of his opinion, coming back to protect Luke against Vader or not.

“Are you manipulating me by pretending you don’t want to manipulate me?” He asks, his glare making a fiery comeback.

The old man smiles.

“Snake,” Han grumbles, and apparently Kenobi takes it as a compliment, because his smile, from old and benign, turns mischievous. But it’s a smile which invites Han to share its joy, not a smile at Han’s expense, but a smile with Han, and despite himself, Han answers it with his own.

**************************

Luke is helping prep the Y-Wings for the flight to their rendezvous point, since all the X-Wings are ready. Working helped. Working, he understands. Flight engines don’t suddenly sprout family members. They don’t lie for years, pretending to be the more or less harmless and slightly touched in the head friendly neighbourhood hermit, when they are in reality space monks turned bodyguards for secret children of long-ago murdered friends. And also, perhaps he wouldn’t have needed a secret bodyguard, if he had raised under a false name, like Leia!

Oh Force, like his sister Leia….

Leia isn’t as angry as himself about their long hidden brotherhood, but he suspects that’s because the trauma of Alderaan and the necessary work for the Rebel Alliance are taking precedence.

Give it a little time. He’s pretty sure the spine of iron he already found in her is matched by a temper of much more volatile components.

Luke feels Ben entering the hangar. Every minute almost, the Force opens him a little more to sensations he doesn’t understand. It’s like an avalanche, and Ben explained it’s because Leia and him are working together, that it would be much harder if one of them tried to do it alone.

It’s terrifying.

It’s comforting.

It’s like a promise he will never be alone, as he can feel the nervous energy of every Rebel, and Ben and Leia more closely, the old man a point of light like a flame in the night, and Leia more turbulent, like a slash-and-burn fire, destructive perhaps but with a promise of more life reborn from the blaze.

It’s comforting, but when he’s angry with Ben, it’s a little inconvenient to feel themselves linked together like that.

“Came to tell me about more long lost family members?”

There is like a ping in the Force, almost a bell sound and Luke wouldn’t have understood, days before. Now he throws his wrench on the floor, unconcerned with their audience.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!! Ben!!”

“Luke, this isn’t –“

“No, not, let me guess, it’s a triplet. And it’s Han! Or better, Chewie!”

“Luke!”

The young man turns and on the old Jedi’s face, he sees what he didn’t feel in the Force, untrained and nascent, no matter his powers. On Ben’s face, he sees despair, worn like a twenty-year old wound, and still bleeding.

“Ben?” Luke asks, and suddenly he’s nine years old again and Ben just conveniently found him lost in the desert; he’s thirteen years old and Ben just conveniently rescued him from a slaver’s ship that wanted to fatten its pockets before leaving the planet; he’s fifteen years old and Ben just happened to pass the canyon where he was cornered by a Tusken raid.

Now that he thinks about it, he should have understood some things much sooner.

“Luke,” Ben says, and he stops. Luke puts his two hands on the hermit’s shoulders.

“I’m there,” he tries to reassure.

“Luke, there is something I haven’t told you and Leia, but it’s so terrible, I haven’t said it since the day I told it to Owen and Beru and I’m not sure I have the strength…”

“It will be okay,” Luke says, “you know it will. You’ll rely on us and it will be okay. You’re not alone.”

And if Ben’s eyes are perhaps wet, Luke doesn’t say it. A little awkward, he goes for a hug.

No matter what, they are not alone. Not one of them. The rest of the Rebels have made themselves scarce, but he suddenly feels Leia, at the other end of the hangar. She felt something like off and came to them. Behind her, Han is ranting, not aware yet of the current of tension between the three Force users.

Luke thinks of a little hut in the middle of the desert. He thinks about Owen and Beru, and Bail and Breha who he will never know.

“No one of us are alone,” Luke says with conviction and he knows, with certainty well beyond simple instinct, how true it will always be.

[putschki1969]

Favourite and least favourite kalafina songs?

Oh boy! Questions like this are always so hard for me. I have no trouble listing my faves but when it comes to my “least favourite songs” it’s a real struggle for me.Those who have known me for a while are probably aware that I am not the hating type. Haters are usually quick to provide a list of all the songs they consider to be “garbage”. But it’s not that easy for me. There might be songs I dislike but there is not a single piece of music by Kalafina that I outright “hate”. I don’t have it within myself to hate or bash something that Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru hold dear to their heart.

Having said that, there are a few pieces that I tend to skip whenever I listen to an album or watch a live performances. So I guess those will be the songs that make up my “least favourite list”. Typically what bothers me will be their “singing-style” (too high, too screechy, too thin/too breathy). Then there are songs that just lack a certain harmony, they sound disjointed to my ears. I don’t know what it is but it keeps me from fully enjoying the music. Last but not least there are songs that have just never managed to touch me on an emotional level. Maybe it’s because I haven’t listened to them often enough, not sure…

Please keep in mind that I do have a weird taste and more often than not my opinions do not align with the overall consensus in the fandom so some of my picks might come as a surprise to you. Without further ado, let’s get started 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Top 10 least favourite Kalafina songs (in chronological order)

Love Come Down (aside from not really liking the general sound of the song, I am not a fan of Hikaru’s singing style. Not very flattering and a tad too squeeky…Keiko’s cutesy singing doesn’t help)

in your eyes (in your eyes suffers from the same problem as Love Come Down but at least here I don’t mind the chorus and of course I appreciate the nature of the lyrics. If it weren’t for those lyrics we wouldn’t get all those sexy interactions on stage. But yeah, generally speaking, I don’t go out of my way to listen to this song)

to the beginning (this was probably their first “mainstream” anisong and incidentally it is among my least favourite. There are few Kalafina songs that get the audience as hyped as this one so I know I am pretty much alone with my opinion but yeah, this song doesn’t do much for me unfortunately…I never watched the anime so maybe that’s why)

signal (I know this is a fan favourite but for me this song is just too chaotic. I prefer my songs to follow a certain structure…also not a fan of the accordion…I do however love the drums in the beginning and Hikaru’s general badassery)

misterioso (I wouldn’t go as far as to call this song chaotic but it’s certainly lacking some sort of overreaching harmony. It just feels a little disjointed during certain parts, at least to me)

lapis (sorry Keiko, I wanna like it but I can’t. Something is missing, it’s a bit boring I guess…which is really surprising to me since I am a huge sucker for ballads. I am usually the one who is into all sorts of ballads [e.g.Hokage] which tend to be written off as boring by the rest of the fanbase)

ring your bell (I would probably like this song more if YK had written it differently. Right now it’s just too fast/difficult/high and neither Wakana nor Hikaru can manage those notes without sounding screechy. For the most part YK knew how to use their voices to create amazing music but occasionally I wonder what went through her head when she decided to have the girls sing in a certain way…it’s not flattering at all…on a brighter note,I do love the bridge!)

monochrome (the accordion again…and more chaos….you can see a pattern, right? There is a type of song that I really do not enjoy…which leads me right to the next song on my list…)

Musunde Hiraku (I wanna love it so bad because Wakana in particular loves this song so much. But unfortunately I can’t bring myself to like it. I don’t know what it is but for me it’s another one of those unsettling songs that feel kinda all over the place. I also just noticed that a lot of the songs I dislike have one thing in common, they don’t have a proper build-up, they start rather boldy and sudden, it almost sounds random. Not sure how to explain it but it applies to misterioso, signal, monochrome and Musunde Hiraku)

blaze (this doesn’t really deserve to be on the list since I don’t think it’s any worse than let’s say heavenly blue or One Light which I both like a lot. However, I haven’t been able to connect with the song at all ever since it was released. I think it’s mainly because I have never seen it performed live. Yes, I have watched footage but I have never actually been there for one of the performances. Plus, I think the song just doesn’t get enough attention from me. I am sure if I listened to it more often I would start appreciating it. It’s really not a bad song)

Top 10 favourite Kalafina songs (in chronological order)

Kimi ga Hikari ni Kaete Iku (does this even need any explanation? I think we all know that this is my all-time favourite Kala-song. I even plan to get a tattoo of parts of the lyrics one day…there are no words to describe the love I have for this song. Forever grateful that they sang it at their 10th Anniversary Live and that I got to hear Wakana perform the acoustic version at her symphony concert)

ARIA (it is without a doubt one of their best songs and it made me fall in love with Hikaru so for me it’s all the more special. Unlike most people, I actually prefer the “new” version of ARIA because there is just more emotion behind it. They really nailed it at their 10th Anniversary Live. Personally I like to use ARIA to introduce Kalafina to other people. It’s a great introduction song)

Natsu no Ringo (I don’t know the exact moment but at one point I realised how very much I love this song. It happened without me noticing. Don’t get me wrong, I always liked it but I never really considered it to be among my favourite songs. But throughout the years, I started listening to it more and more. Turns out that right now this is actually among my most-listened-to tracks on my playlist. Who would have thought…?)

red moon (duh…one of Kalafina’s most epic songs. How can it not be on this list? There is a reason it is loved by so many people and why they performed it at pretty much all of their lives. If there is one song that’s representative of the awesomeness that is Kalafina then it is “red moon”)

Magia (another epic song and one more example of why I love Hikaru. I know, I tend to favour Wakana and Keiko most of the time, I guess that boils down to personal taste. However, I have just as much love for Hikaru because with songs like this she manages to touch my heart with her passion and emotional delivery)

Yane no Mukou ni (just like Natsu no Ringo, this song snuck up on me. I always liked it but until recently I had no idea how much I actually loved it. Seems like I have a huge weakness for summer ballads)

Hikari Furu (the singing, the harmonies, the melody, the lyrics, this is a perfect ballad. A perfect song. Wakana is killing it in all the more recent performances. And I can never get enough of Keiko’s “mabushii asa”)

Tsuioku (instant love. When it first got released I listened to nothing but this song. All day long. It’s forever stuck in my head and I love it to death)

Koibito no Mukashigatari no Yuugure no (do I even have to say anything? Amazing harmonies, so much epicness. Seeing this live was life-changing)

Hokage (this must seem like the most random choice to a majority of the fandom. It’s one of those ballads that never got a lot of love because it’s apparently too much like all the previous Kalafina ballads but not as good as them. I beg to differ. There is something about Hokage that strikes me on a very emotional level. Not so much the lyrics because those are not all too special. It’s the melody that makes this song stand out to me. Then there’s Wakana’s singing and Keikio’s lower harmonies…absolutely divine. Last but not least, that combination of the piano and cello! I could listen to this song every day and not get tired of it. I agree that Hokage sounds a lot like some of their older songs [e.g. sapphire] and I honestly enjoy them all equally but for some reason Hokage has a special place in my heart)

Honourable mentions

sprinter (it’s no secret, I have never liked the regular version. A few years back this might as well have been part of my least favourite list. But when I watched their Arena Live acoustic version, I had an epiphany. Ever since then I can’t get enough of this song. It’s a tragic ballad at its heart but the up-beat nature of the original version managed to trick me into believing that it was something entirely different. It was my own fault for not looking up the lyrics sooner. Back in the day when I first listened to “sprinter” I didn’t know any Japanese and later on I always skipped the song…so yeah, it took me ages to appreciate the song and I definitely prefer the acoustic version so I thought I shouldn’t mention it in either of my lists)

Kagayaku Sora no Shijima ni Wa (this was my very first Kalafina song that immediately made me fall in love with them. It has a special place in my heart and I can never get enough of it but there are just other that I love more so it didn’t manage to get into my top 10)

We Wish You A Merry Christmas (since this is a cover I feel like it doesn’t really count but there is no way I cannot mention it because I absolutely ADORE this song. It has become my all-time favourite Christmas song and I am listening to it literally every season of the year)

Hyakka Ryouran (this is by far my favourite among their more “generic” anime theme songs but I might be a bit biased since it’s the only one where I provided a translation of the lyrics so I thought it would be best to list it here as part of my honourable mentions. Unlike most fans I do like a fair share of their mainstream anisongs. I actually love “heavenly blue” as well as “One Light”. And if it weren’t for Wakana’s strained singing style I would be all over “believe” because I really like the melody.)

[adorkemis]

My farm has some unusual occurrences...

With Halloween coming up I thought I'd post some stories that happened here at my little co-op farm. Its a small farm I bought with my best friend and her husband that we run and take in unwanted animals, that is when we aren't working our day jobs, charity-volunteer, or Search and Rescue cases.

So in the spirit of the season I'll start with the unusual events leading up to our first Halloween. On the night of the Autumn Equinox we built a bonfire and poured ourselves a few drinks- some family recipe Appalachian home brew.

Now, I take bonfires very seriously and had been preparing for weeks, carefully selecting the best branches and tinder, even going so far as to collect and dry out large bundles of late summer flowers and herbs to add to the top of the fire. In my family, we have a long standing tradition of welcoming in each new season with a bonfire and an important component of those seasonal bonfires are the flowers and herbs. So for weeks I had been going out to cut the necessary plants and dry them in the barn.

Now they were blazing brightly with the cut grass, weeds, and branches from our months of hard work setting up and renovating our new home and the surrounding acers.

I don't normally dance, but when I do, it is not pretty I am very, very intoxicated. So I flail happily around my fire, taking turns dancing with my friends under the bright stars and just enjoying myself free from big cities and a nice break from all our hard work.

As the night progressed the fire finally began to die down and after a few drinks I felt myself beginning to tire.

Ty, the husband of my friends asked me question that I wasn't quite able hear over the music. I thought he asked if I wanted more to drink, so I said yes. Being deaf in one ear I often mishear people.

A few moments later, I hear Ty holler out "Move!" as a large pile of debris we had stripped from the house was hurled onto the dieing flames. Krystal (my friend and wife of the pair) and I jumped back just in time to avoid the cloud of ash and embers. As I stagger backwards trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed when he again yells out for us to move just in time for me to watch him throw a bucket onto the smoldering embers. In the next instant the embers have erupted into bright yellow flames roaring skyward. The blast of heat sends all three of us onto our asses and I watch in shock as my bonfire turns into a flaming trash heap.

Black smoke rolls off the inferno, choking my lungs and making my eyes water. I crawl away when I hear Ty laughing drunkenly as the collection of boards, plaster, vinyl and trash blacken and burn. "Whoooo!" He lets out hill billy hollar. "Look at it burn!"

Krystal is now screaming at him for nearly killing us all and I just and watch quietly (and inebriated) as all my weeks of planning go up in smoke.

For you see, when my ancestors started the first Farm centuries ago, at the birth of our bonfire traditions, it was not a way to simply celebrate the changing of the seasons. No, it was a way to show respect to the things that we do not see, the beings that dwell within the woods just outside our view. It was a way of making peace with the Good Nieghbors, or local spirits. The old stories say the tradition started with my earliest ancestors inviting the beings to celebrate with them, to thank them for their protection, and that the plants we used were a sign of respect toward that treaty. Of course as the generations go by that origin has become more of a legend, few of my extended family actually believes this ritual is anything more than a leftover from our pagan, superstitious roots. But me and my grandfather know the truth. We've seen the things that lurk at the edge of the forests, seen what they can do to livestock, livelihoods, or of course people.

So imagine, if you will, you are invited to a party. A party filled with wonderful cakes, treats, and beautiful decorations. Now imagine someone literally dumps a pile of garbage on top of it.

That essentially is what has happened.

So I sit there, unsure how to tell my arguing friends what has just happened, and finally decide to just go to bed.

The next morning I wake up in the predawn hours, hungover from our libations, I look out my window see the fire pit is still smoldering. The black smoke is now grey and I can see old wires birnt black and twisted with pits of melted plastic sticking to the stones I dug up and carried from the creek.

I sigh, put on a pair of pants and go to rhe kitchen to make the moring coffee.

As the smell of the black brew wafts through the house, my cohabints emerge from their room looking as good as I feel.

My throat feels tight and scratchy so I simply raise my mug to them in greeting and am met with simular responses.

"Sorry Ty tried the burn the house down," Krystal offers when she has her coffee prepared.

"Hey, I said move!" Ty tries to protest his actions were justified.

I sign to Krystal, who translates for Ty, that its all good. Even though it may not be.

Back at my family's old Farm we hold to our traditions very seriously, like an old woman to her purse. I don't expect my friends to understand the importance of these traditions just yet, and believe me, I know how it sounds to explain these.

But instead I finish my coffee and try to tell them I'm off to start the morning chores, but my vioce comes out in a raspy gravel, so again I sign to Krystal.

Morning chores are typically the bane of my existence, but as I have the day off from my day job so it's not as bad, and it gives me time to think. I obviously can't just write an apology letter or throw another bonfire, the next time to hold one won't be until Halloween- and thats just for fun, normally. No instead I'll just have to my Buck Moon ritual will be enough to protect us from any malevolent spirits we may have offended.

I will note the Buck Moon ritual is NOT one of family's ancient traditions (well, on the Farm its called the Hay Moon and we did use to do something for that) but one I deviced myself as a way protecting myself when away from the Farm and the protection of the Hay Moon rites.

Nothing exactly happened that day, though none of the chickens had laid any eggs (which wasn't too far out the norm) however as the weeks progressed I noticed a few things that hinted something might be wrong.

The milk turned sour, the bread molded, and the grass began to die while the weeds began to overtake the pasture and garden. The grain barrels (thick plastic and metal that were advertised as critter proof) in the barn were chewed through and no matter what type of traps or bait I used the elusive culprits were still at large.

The chickens continued to not lay eggs and we soon went from an overwhelming plethora of tradable goods to a tiny stock barely able to feed ourselves. Not to mention that my voice had still yet to return making my job at the animal hospital very difficult to perform properly. My manager had to pull me aside and ask when I would be seeing a doctor about. If I could have laughed I would have but instead I was sent home early.

When the third week started of me being continuously mute and down to my last 6 eggs I new something had to be done. But the final motivation was when one of the horses, Cowboy, got sick. Immediately I called one of my vets and began to put my plan into action.

Thankfully the horse that was sick wasn't my horse, Prince. My family use to breed and sell horses for generations and Prince was one of the last horses born there. Prince is also very important to the Buck Moon ritual. As an avid hunter I normally follow all the hunting laws to a T, however for the Buck Moon I can only hunt in the middle of the night on horseback. Prince is the only horse we have trained for hunting so he's my only hope.

The day of the hunt I set everything up. My saddlebags, bow and arrows, along with a few less than normal trinkets. And in the express interest of keeping this long story short, I'm just going to skip ahead to the part where Prince and I return just before dawn with yearling buck being dragged behind us. Maybe I'll get a chance to explain more about it. How finding the deer took all night and the other beasts we saw in those woods, Gas Mask Gary, and how when we finally made it back with an hour to complete the ritual I was covered in blood and exhausted but still I got it done.

Work was not fun that day but luckily my sore throat was better and I had fresh eggs for breakfast. Along with some venison steaks.

I believed that the ritual had worked and soon our fall vegetables would be ready to harvest and everything wouldnbe back to normal.

To my relief, it was. Our vegetables and eggs were taken to market and our horse, Cowboy, was better almost overnight. I could finally talk again and had almost forgotten everything until October 30, the night before Halloween.

Like I said earlier we are renovating the house and one of the last rooms is the Krystal and Ty's bathroom- the master bath. We had ripped out the old vinyl and redoing some of the plumbing which left a small hole in the floor. We had all pretty much gotten ready for bed and Ty and I were outside with our last cigarettes for the day when we heard Krystal scream from the bathroom. We tossed our cigs and both ran toward the bathroom, Ty rapping on the door. "Babe, you alright?" He called thrpugh the door. Inside we could hear quiet the cacophony of noise, like bull in a China shop type deal. When Krystal started yelling again Ty and I burst through the door.

Krystal was armed with broom like a lance 8n one hand and towel like a whip in the other. And emerging out the whole in the floor was a black eyed, foam spitting raccoon. Its little claws dug into the vinyl leaving deep grooves and a horrific coughing, gagging noice emitted from its throat.

"Its rabid!" She yelled and jabbed the broom at it.

I've seen a rabid raccoon before, and so has Krystal, we've both worked those kinds of cases but this raccoon was different. Yes they will try to run up and attack, but it looked different. Like its skin wasn't on right and the sounds it made weren't what I had heard from raccoons- rabid or not.

Finally the little beast pulled itself free from the whole and ran, on its hind legs toward. All three of screamed but Krystal armed with her trusty broom hit it with everything she had and smashed its head into the cabinet.

For a moment the raccoon wobbled a few steps before it fell over, the mishape of its body more pronounced but even more damning was the blood running out its eyes and nose. Thick, black, tar like blood oozed from its head and the smell of rot and shit filled the bathroom.

Ty and Krystal nearly gagged as the smell hit us.

"What the fuck is that?" I head Ty ask as he pulled his shirt over his noes.

"It tried to kill me!" Krstal yelled. "I was trying take a shit and it climped up with its little paws!" She made a hand motion mimicking the raccoon reaching threw the whole. "We patching that whole tonight."

"Why does it smell so bad" Ty asked. "I ain't touching it."

I was oy half listening (well, less so than I normally can) and took the broom from Krystal to poke the thing.

As soon as the bristles touched the body the raccoon jumped back up, making even more gagging noises. I slammed the broom immediately on top of it, screaming again.

I grabbed a glass sitting on the counter and threw it onto the writhing beast. As soon as the water splashed onto its patchy fur a hissing could bebheard and steam rose from its now thrashing body.

"Holy fuck!" They screamed while I simply responded "Thats where I put the Holy water!"

The demonic raccoon was screaming and convulsing on the floor infront of us as the water burned it.

Krystal turned to me. "Why was there holy water in my bathroom?!"

I shrugged. "Divine intervention? But now we know its a raccoon corpse possessed by a demon."

Krystal threw her hands up. "Oh that is wonderful! Demon coon in the house!"

I looked back at Ty. "Can you help me grab my things?"

He just nodded, somewhat dumbfounded. I guess this was his first possessed raccoon.

It only took a few minutes to gather the stuff I would use. However there was one last thing I needed.

"So, I can't really banish it without its name and raccoons don't have vocal cords so I need to put it something that can talk." I looked Krystal in the eyes with a pleading look.

She shook her head. "Oh hell no. We are not doing that. Can't we use my in-laws?"

"Hey!" Ty was not amused. "Why can't we use your family?"

"We're not using anyones family!" I was tired and the circle I had made for the demon wasn't going to hold forever. "Krys, please."

In defeat she sighed and left the room for few minutes. While she was gone I prepped Ty on what was about to occur. I handed him a blessed knife I had and told him "If it leaves the circle, no matter the vessel, stab it hard enough to pin it to the floor." He looked at the long blade and just nodded.

Krystal camd back in with her son's Tickle Me Elmo doll. That thing gave us all the creeps but now it would be put to some good use.

I made second circle with very specific symbols, not dissimilar to the first one that held the Satanic flailing beast and drew a kind of infinity like symbol touching each circle. Krystal placed the Elmo doll in the new circle and I began the ritual.

If you have only seen exorcisms in movies or tv you will think there has to a Bible, screaming, and lots of flailing along with green pea soup.

It's possible all of those things could happen if you are dealing with humans, especially eccentric ones. A raccoon corpse on the other hand, not so much. The only difficult part I have is not knowing the demons name and the time crunch I have on the circles. Once the water dries, I probably won't be able to hold it back. And yes, like I told Krystal I can banish it but it could just pop up right back. And then we could be in a loop trying to constantly send him back and forth back and forth. Instead, I can trap him in a body that doesn't have claws or teeth or rabies. Which is what I did.

The words don't matter so long as you believe them, so long as you give them power. Now that doesn't mean I can just say whatever I want. I have a long monologue I use that took me years to perfect. It's written in few languages most ancient Hebrew and Hellenistic Greek with a bit of Gaelic thrown in for that extra punch. These are the languages that are strongest to me.

Except I have to read them slowly, if I mess up a single syllable I have to start all over. And I have a mild speech impediment. And worse sometimes.

Carefully I pronounce each syllable, its still a race against time and if mispronounce anything I will have to start over.

The smell of rot and shit is getting worse and the demon-raccoon starts convulsing madly. The black blood is still flowing from its head but as it slamns it head and claws at its body the black tar leaves smoldering smudges in the bare floor.

I'm nearing the mid point of the ritual and motion to my roommates to leave the room. Krystal tries to get my attention, to tell me no she is staying there but I pour all my focus into the words I'm spewing. If anything goes wrong, and the demon doesn't go into the proper vessel it could easy posses my friends. And while a simple wooden door won't keep a demon from possessing a host, if there is only one visible option they typically take it.

I hear the soft click of the door behind me. I raise my voice and the raccoon is now actively ripping fur and flesh off itself. The most ear peircing scream emits from its maw of broken teeth, I can see black blood gurgling in the back of ots throat. My stomach almost feels sick but I push on.

I hold up my left hand and draw a second knife along my open palm. I didn't want my roommates to see the self mutilation that is part of this exorcism. I hold my bloody hand above the irate demon. I let the blood drip a new circle around the demon.

The smell of apple blossums, cedarwood, and salt water mixes with the demonic stench from the raccoon. Its enough to be overwhelming and for a brief moment I almost stumble over the final phrase but it comes out well articulated.

The sound of bones snapping fill the room as I watvh the raccoon literally brake in half, part of its spinal column protruding from the stomach. Black blood spew from its mouth, filling the circle.

In the neighboring circle I hear the little voice box of the doll come to life. "Elmo loves you!"

Stupid fucking demons.

I scoop up the now animate doll and hand it to Krystal. "I had one rule!" I yell as I stumble to my room. "No goddamn demons!"

The next day, Halloween, was like any other day. I went to work, did my chores, rode my horse. The new addition of locking Helmo wasn't too offsetting. He still gets out of his case and walks around, rather poorly, but so far he can't do much. Aside annoy us with his flailing and constant prerecorded chatter. "Hehehe. That tickles!"

"No shit, Helmo!"

"Fuck off, Helmo!"

Sometimes, when he is too much, we put him in shoebox. Other times we might even take a stab at him. He doesn't like that.

But the arrival of our wayward demon isn't what upset me. No, what upset the most was what happened Halloween night and the next morning.

As we sat around the bonfire Halloween night in our costumes with our drinks and smokes I glanced up. Through the flames, at the edge of the woods I could see a tall, lean figure in a hoody. The flames reflected off the lenses of the gasmask that covered his face and I felt a cold shutter run down my spine. Gas Mask Gary is the biggest enigma in the town, but his presence always means something strange and possibly dangerous is going to happen.

The next morning when I rose up to care the animals before getting ready for work, I saw something unusual in the extinguished firepit. In the predawn light I walked over closer to inspect it.

A door made of hard carved wood with a plain handle lay unmarked as if raising out the soot and ashes.

Fuck. A Door to Nowhere.

[wrunic]

How to Write an Accurate Lifeguard AU

So! It’s summer, which means everyone is writing lifeguarding AUs, and I, a lifeguard, am subjected to the same common mistakes being written over and over, so I’ve taken it upon myself to inform the public as best I can, because information is the best gift you can give anyone, especially a writer.

Before we begin, a PSA: I’m Canadian, so my information is valid primarily in Canada, and might be slightly different in other countries. I also guard at an outdoor summer pool, so my experience (and my advice) will be focused on how to write that experience, though I will talk a bit about guarding lakes and beaches. Cool? Cool! Let’s go!

Least to Most Dangerous Places to Guard:

Outdoor Pools: Low incident levels. Good visibility in the water, lots of people on shift at once, limited area for people to swim. Especially if you work at a private pool, like me, where people have to pay a membership fee, and are generally strong/experienced swimmers unlikely to experience a drowning incident.

Lakes (at a dock): Higher incident levels, and lower visibility in the water. With the added presence of things like rocks and branches in the water, injuries to feet are common. Drowning incidents are more common because it’s more difficult to tell where the bottom is, and you’ll probably be getting less experienced swimmers. Docks have a tendency to be very slippery, so you’ll probably get a few people hurting themselves there too. (Fun fact, if a lifeguard tells you not to run, it’s because they don’t want you to slip! We’re not just doing it to be annoying, spinal injuries and concussions are no fun for anyone.) Even if the area people are allowed to swim in is limited, people are liable to ignore it, which poses an added danger.

Beaches (with waves): Highest incident levels. The ocean is not to be fucked with. Visibility is low, and currents and tides are liable to drag even strong swimmers out. It’s actually not as uncommon as you’d hope for lifeguards trying to help a drowning victim to end up needing to be saved themselves. Beaches also attract a lot of people, which means there are a lot of people to keep track of, many of whom might not be strong swimmers, or might even be complete non-swimmers. Again, even if the area is limited, people might ignore it. A lifeguard working at a beach will be very good at their job.

And that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of things that aren’t outdoor pools. Everything from here on out will apply to those specifically.

The Basics:

1. If someone is on chair, they aren’t going to be talking to anyone

When you’re on chair, you’re watching the pool. You have to be paying attention, because you’re the one who’s supposed to notice an incident if it happens. Unless you want to show a lifeguard being terrible at their job, they won’t be chatting while watching the pool. Shifts on chair usually last fifteen minutes at one chair, fifteen minutes at the next, with two people guarding simultaneously, though this varies depending on the pool.

2. Lifeguards are not doctors, but they aren’t useless either

Lifeguards are trained in first aid, which means we know how to treat basic injuries, perform CPR, and use a spinal board. More often than not, if there’s a major incident, we’re calling 911. However, we do have to training. Where I live, the required qualifications are a Bronze Medallion Certification, a Bronze Cross Certification, a First Aid Certification, and a National Lifeguard Certification. It took me three years to be fully qualified. The qualifications in the U.S aren’t as strenuous, but I’m not an expert, so if you have a specific area you want to look into, I suggest doing it.

3. If your character is bad with kids, they’ll be a bad lifeguard

They don’t have to be amazing, but they should be able to treat a child with at least basic courtesy. You have to spend a lot of time with kids, usually injured ones, and if you’re not good at dealing with them, you’re screwed. More often than not, lifeguards are also swim instructors and coaches, (I teach swimming lessons and the U8 synchronized swimming team) so that’s even more kids. If you just want a very simple “they only watch the pool” lifeguard, that’s also a thing, and you’ll be able to ignore later sections of this post. Nevertheless, your lifeguard should still be at least okay with kids.

4. No swearing on shift

Like I mentioned, we work with kids. That also means we have to deal with crazy parents (more on that later) and they don’t like when people swear around their kids. So, no swearing at the pool! It’s a small detail, but it does a lot for realism.

5. Crazy parents

Pool parents are all the worst parts of entitled people yelling at retail workers, overprotective helicopter parents, and ridiculously competitive parents trying to relive their glory days through their children. They can also be really cool, but showing your character having to navigate dealing with an angry parent is, again, good realism, and a fun character  and relationship building tool! Lifeguards talk trash about crazy parents all the time, so if you’re writing a group, it’s a great way to show them bonding. They won’t do it on shift though (same deal as the swearing, you’ll get in trouble)

6. Not all lifeguards are equal

There is a hierarchy within the pool staff. The more years you work at a pool, the more you get payed, the better your shifts are, and the more say you get in the way the pool is run. You’ll never be fully in charge (the pool is usually managed by a committee of parents and owned by the city) but you get more responsibilities. We have supervisors we send troublesome members to, and newbies who get the worst shifts.

7. It’s not all sitting on a chair watching the pool

Lifeguards aren’t just lifeguards. They’re also custodians, teachers, and coaches. We clean the bathrooms and garbages, we sweep the deck, we vacuum the bottom of the pool, we skim the bugs off the surface, we put all the chairs and floaties away at the end of the day. That’s pretty universal, but beyond that is where things start getting more specialized, because I live in an area where most families basically live at their summer pools. I’m not sure if it’s even like this in other parts of Canada. However, if you want to add some excitement (and cute kids) to your story or AU, this is the way to do it.

I mentioned earlier that I teach swimming lessons. Everyone who wants to work as a lifeguard in my area has to take an additional course where they learn to teach the various levels of swimming lessons. If you want to get even more elaborate, pools also usually have swim teams, diving teams, synchro teams and waterpolo teams, along with things like aquafit and free swim. Adding any of those into your mix could be a fun twist on relationships, since there’s joking rivalry between a lot of the sports (especially synchro and waterpolo). Additional interaction with kids, parents, and young teenagers will be required if you plan on throwing any of these in.

8. The swimsuits are the uniform

This isn’t a huge thing, but it’s important. You have to potentially save a life in that suit. It’s going to be practical. For girls, if you’re teaching, it’s a one piece, but if you’re on chair it’s usually a bikini, which generally looks like some very full coverage underwear and a practical sports bra. Guys have swim trunks. You also aren’t allowed to wear shoes on shift, (other than flip-flops) because swimming in shoes is nigh on impossible.

9. The staff is super close

There’s drama sometimes, sure, but you have to spend your entire summer with these people. You see them every day, whether you’re working or going out together. You have bonding days, you see each other in swimsuits more often than clothes, you deal with the same annoying parents and maintenance problems. You’ve probably seen everyone drunk or at least dealing with other staff members being drunk. You go out regularly, (lifeguard parties are real, and most mornings at least half our staff is hungover) you exchange secrets and embarrassing stories during slow shifts. These are your best friends from June to September. They’re your family.

10. To be a lifeguard, you have to REALLY want it

I’ve talked about all the courses, the crazy parents, and the sheer amount of things you have to do, so this should be pretty clear. But in case you needed to be convinced further, my manager said at one of our staff meetings that they’re “trying to make sure no one’s working more than fifty hours a week”. We work all the time, in the blazing summer heat, doing a job that ranges from boring to wonderful to absolutely terrifying. If you aren’t guarding you’re teaching, if you aren’t teaching you’re coaching, if you aren’t coaching you’re actually still coaching except it’s at a different pool for a competition. It’s a lot, but if you love it, you really love it.

And Finally, a Breakdown of Why I Hate the “Fake Drowning to Get CPR” Trope

Putting aside the consent issues, it’s also stupid, and here’s why:

CPR is only performed on unconscious, non-breathing victims. That means you’d have to fake being unconscious, and hold your breath through the entire process, which is impossible. Believe me, playing victim in training is hard. Not to mention, you can’t stop your own heart, and we monitor heart rate.

Lets say you were able to fake it. It’s at this point that this bad boy come into play:

This is a pocket mask. You put it over a victim’s mouth to avoid direct mouth to mouth contact, because, you know, ew.

Now, pretend there was no pocket mask and you really think getting air violently blown into your mouth before having your ribs broken by someone desperately trying to restart your heart is a good way to get a “kiss” from the hot lifeguard. Bad news: it might not be them doing breaths.

Removing an unconscious person from the pool is hard, and is usually a two person job. So even if the object of your affections is the one getting you out of the water, they might be the one doing compressions, while the person who helped with the removal does breaths.

They’ll also be wearing gloves the whole time, because CPR can sometimes make people vomit, and they might have to scoop the vomit out of your mouth.

Romantic, right?

But wait, it gets worse, because there’s no way you’d get that far. You’d get caught as soon as they checked your breathing, your heart rate, or your consciousness level. Depending on at what point they caught you, EMS might already have been contacted, at which point you’d have several lifeguards and a whole crew of paramedics absolutely furious at you, and probably a ban from the pool.

Moral of the story, don’t do it.

Hope this was helpful to someone!

[secretreylostan]

Episode X: Divide & Conquer (read from the beginning)

Am I allowed to be proud of a chapter? If so, then I am proud of this one. It may only be perfect in my brain, but that’s okay. It’s still perfect in my brain. At least it’s perfect somewhere. Best part, I think it can stand alone, so... I’m posting the whole thing, because I want everyone to read it. I’m putting it up on my virtual refrigerator, because I want to show it to the world. And tagging some writers I like, cause what the hell. @leofgyth @plantsandlamps @thebitchesofdathomir 

Ben’s anxiety on the way to Yavin 4 was overwhelmingly high. 

Rey contacted Finn en route and explained what had happened via hologram, while Ben piloted ship. It was important for him to have some semblance of control, even if it was only of the Falcon. “Wow.” Finn said after hearing the story. “Rey, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Finn said, his face filled with concern. “Do you have any ideas at all of who took them?” “We have one idea. It’s… far fetched. But it’s all we’ve got for now. We’re going to do research on abducted Force sensitives in the Archives on Atzerri, but there’s so much to look through. Finn, I need your help.” “Of course, whatever you need. How are you holding up?” Rey sighed and looked at her old friend. Other than Ben, Finn was the only person who Rey felt understood her, even if he struggled to understand her relationship. He asked her this because he genuinely cared about her, and that gave her strength. “Honestly Finn… without them, I’m feeling more and more… hollow. Just, numb. I don’t even think I can cry anymore, I’m just… I don’t know. I’m trying to stay focused. It’s all I can do.” “I get it. I can’t imagine if someone took the girls away.” Finn and Rose now had three daughters, including a pair of twins. They were all beautiful. Rey smiled as she thought of them. Their oldest, who was two years younger than Sky, would follow him around adoringly whenever the families were together, while Hannah and the twins, who were almost the same age, always got into mischief.

Rey’s world darkened as she thought of them. Her eyes welled yet again and her lips shook. She covered her face with her hands. “Oh Rey, I’m so sorry-” “No, it’s fine, I just... I guess I do have more tears after all.” Rey laughed a little bit, to try and jar herself out of her crying jag. She wiped at her eyes and shook her head. “Just get here. We’ll do everything possible, we’ll comb every inch of this galaxy until we find them, okay?” Rey smiled and nodded. “We’ll be there soon.” “I’ll tell Poe.” “Thank you, Finn.”   Both Poe and Finn were waiting for them when they landed. Poe had moved the base of many of his professional obligations to Yavin 4 after the end of the war. His current pet project was starting a flight school to train the next generation of Alliance pilots. 

As one of the heads of the Alliance Armed Forces, Dameron was always surrounded by some sort of entourage and today was no exception. There were several officers and fully armed service members standing with them on the landing field, blasters drawn, but not aimed. This was the first time the couple had been to Yavin 4. It was also the first time Ben had been around these men without the buffer of his children. Things had gotten, if not better, at least easier in the six years since that first party for Sky. But the relationship between the men was certainly not comfortable.

Finn had seen too much as a member of the First Order to truly embrace Ben Solo, but he did what he could, for Rey. Poe Dameron had punched Ben every time he saw him, just as he promised he would. He’d actually gotten pretty good at surprising him. Dameron must have trained himself to be spontaneous about it, because Ben often didn’t see it coming.

But this time, Ben was ready. He couldn’t wait for Captain Flyboy to clock him. Not only would it feel amazing, but then he could also justifiably beat him to within an inch of his life. He was practically salivating with anticipation. Ben sauntered up to Poe and the two of them stared each other down. Ben smirked. “What, no kiss?” Ben said snidely. “Oh, my fist would love to kiss you, Solo, right on the mouth, but quite frankly you look like hell and I think you’d like it too much.” Poe stepped a little closer and searched his eyes.

“Welcome to my home. Try not to break anything.” Poe moved beyond him to Rey. “Come ‘ere kid, how you holding up?” he said, as he put his arm around her.

Ben got an ugly look on his face and stormed off, growling at the entourage to get out of his way. That piece of banthashit was good for nothing. The service members eyes followed him as he stomped into the base. Rey felt a slight pain in her belly. The couple was staying with Finn and Rose in their modest home. Rey thought it would feel comforting to be with her friends and their family, but it was actually very hard. Being around Finn’s girls was a terrible reminder that the couple was not with their own children. 

It was difficult to concentrate, and towards the end of the night, Ben had to get out of the house. He was suffocating. He started a fire outside and sat near it, pensive. All of Ben’s darkest thoughts were coming to haunt him. They flooded in through the gaping hole in his soul where his children should be. I deserve this. For the past ten years he had been fooling himself, thinking he could have a normal life, hidden away from the galaxy with the woman he loved and the beautiful children she bore him. 

He was a monster, a killer, responsible for the deaths of thousands of beings unknown to him, and of course, one man he knew very well.

For the first time in a long time, Ben yearned for his mask, something to shield him and hide him from himself.     He was in the middle of these nightmarish musings when he sensed someone coming up behind him. Ben was wound so tight, he almost drew his saber. Instead he searched the Force to find it was Dameron. It was only the decade he’d spent building his patience that had stopped him from slicing the man in half. But, in a strange way, he was glad to have his thoughts interrupted. Poe had two open bottles in his hand. He held one out to Ben. Ben shook his head. “I’m fine.” “Come on, we’re not finding them tonight. And you look like you could use one. Or ten.” Ben took the bottle from Poe and took a swig. He coughed, “You’re still drinking this garbage? Can’t the Alliance come up with anything better for it’s leadership?” “I can’t help it, I love the stuff,” Poe said as he sat across from him. “You’re a madman.” “I’ve been called worse.” Ben chuckled a little before growing serious again. “So have I.” “Eh, don’t be too hard on yourself.” “Is that a joke?” “Most definitely.” Ben rolled his eyes while both men drank from their bottles. “You know, you are different though. Then you were.”

Ben grew visibly tense. “Oh?” “I mean, even in all this.” Poe gestured around with the bottle. “When I heard about Sky and Hannah, I flipped. I was ready to mobilize, guns blazing, typical Poe Dameron bullshit. Thank the stars Connix got me to chill out. But I did put forty troopers on standby in anticipation of you showing up here and blowing up all my stuff. They had no idea why, of course.”

Ben’s nostrils flared. He wasn’t sure where this was going.

“You've surprised me, though. You seem... in control. Clearly, you and Rey are totally shot and that is completely understandable. But you haven’t killed any of my men or thrown anyone into a wall. I haven’t seen your saber once since you’ve been here. That’s impressive.”

Ben snorted as he shook his head. He took another sip. “It’s not easy,” he said eventually, quiet.

“I’m sure it’s not.” “This has all been… challenging.” Ben leaned down and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to relieve some of his tension. “I bet. Tell you what, I kinda feel a little bad for whoever took ‘em because, man… they messed with the wrong guy.”

Ben eyes got darker as he stared into the flames. “They deserve what’s coming to them,” Poe said, forcefully. Ben met Poe’s eyes and held them for a moment, then returned his gaze to the fire. “I want you to know…” Poe started and stopped, cleared his throat. “You know, I really did love your mother. She was like a mother to me and a mentor.” 

Ben glanced at Poe but said nothing. “I’m sure Rey told you what I promised her.” “Rey doesn’t need to tell me anything. We have no secrets… But in this case yes, she told me what my mother asked of you.” There was a moment of silence while both men figured out what they wanted to say. “I’m sorry she did that.”

“Yeah, well…so was I,” Poe replied. “But not so much anymore." He paused a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Do you remember Sky’s party, the first one off Endor?" he asked Ben. "Hannah was still just a little peanut, barely two months maybe...” “She was four months old.” “Yeah, like I said, a little peanut still.” It was Sky’s third birthday. If Sky at two had enjoyed playing with Poe, Sky at three could not get enough. And chatty! The kid didn’t stop. “Poe! Poe! Here, look at this!” Running, jumping, showing Poe his new home, his new sister, the animals, the garden. Poe was having a blast with Sky, but dang, he was getting the crap kicked out of him by a three foot tall tornado. Eventually the night wound down and Sky was clearly tired. He was getting whiny in the way kids do. While running around, he tripped and started to cry. 

Poe watched Sky lift off the ground and float across the yard into the waiting arms of his father. Ben sat down with him by the fire and wiped his tears. “You’ve had a pretty big day, little man.” “Yes,” Sky sniffled and snuggled into his father’s broad chest.  “Papa, can I tell you a story?”

“I’d never heard anything like it. Usually with kids it’s ‘Tell me a story,’ right? Not that little bird, oh no. He wants to tell you one.”

“Of course,” Ben replied, pushing Sky’s hair off his forehead.

“So, Sky starts telling you a nonsense story, sitting in your lap. And he’s forgetting words as he goes and getting lost, probably because he’s so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, and you just keep filling in the blanks and leading him on, so patiently… it was hard to believe.

"Until finally, he’s out. And you put your chin on his head, totally… content. No tension, no malicious intent. Just, peaceful. “Needless to say I was conflicted by the scene. I mean, I spent a lot of time trying to murder you, man. A lot of good people died in the war, people I cared about. Your mother. But in that moment, I kind of… forgot. It was the first time I didn’t want to clock you.

"So I move towards the fire, but I’m still a tough guy, so I decide to mess with you a little bit. See what you’ll do.” “Hey, you ever use that Force sleep to get ‘em down?” Ben shot Poe a dark look. “Never.” “Come on, you serious? You’re exhausted, baby’s crying, nothing’s working… it’d be so easy to just... knock ‘em out.” Poe clucked his tongue and waved his hand. “I would never do that to my child.” Ben got up with Sky, presumably to put him to bed and avoid a confrontation. “Sure, sure.” Poe glared at Ben, wanting to remember how much he hated him. “It’s gotta be tempting sometimes, though, right?” Ben looked over at Poe, his son is his arms. His eyebrows raised slightly and he smirked. “Maybe sometimes,” he said, and winked. “I swear, Solo, in that moment... you looked just like your mother, this look she used to give me when I was being a smart-ass and she was putting me in my place.

"And it hits me. This guy... he’s just a guy. He’s Leia’s son. He loves his kids and he loves his wife and he’s doing what he can to do right by them.

"I hadn’t… I hadn’t been able to separate, to see you as anything other than the beast in my brain. But that night, something shifted a little bit for me. I could see something else, past the mask.” Ben’s face looked pained, but also a bit touched. He stared at the fire as he contemplated what he’d heard.

"A lot of people died because of me," he whispered.

"A lot of people died because of me," Poe countered.

The two men looked at each other for a long moment. “Your mother was right. She knew you’d need friends,” Poe said. Ben's eyes returned to the fire. “My mother was often right,” Ben replied, quietly. “That she was,” Poe agreed, his voice lightening. “She’d be super pissed right now, I’ll tell you.” Ben smiled just a little bit, causing his mouth to tremble slightly. “Yes, she would be.” It was not the first time in the past ten years that Ben Solo wished he had his mother. She would know what to do. The two men sat silently watching the flames, pensive, their heads filled with bittersweet memories. Poe abruptly stood up and cleared his throat. Ben leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest and blinked rapidly.

“Well, I’m calling it. Considering who knows what our lives are gonna be like for a while here, it’s probably a good idea to get some sleep.”

As Poe walked by Ben, he put his hand on his shoulder. Ben jumped just a little bit. “Hey.” Ben turned his head towards the hand, but did not look up. “We’re gonna find them, Solo. Don’t worry.”

Ben nodded. Poe turned to walk away. “Dameron,” Ben turned his head towards Poe’s departing figure. “Yeah?” Poe said, turning back. “...Thank you,” Ben said, turning his head back towards the fire. Poe had no idea what it cost the man to say that to him, but he imagined it was a lot. He turned around and started to walk away. “Eh, don’t mention it,” he called over his shoulder.

Poe just couldn’t help being a smart-ass.