#I scheduled my psychiatrist appointment today at least | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

canary0 · 2 years ago

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May 24 - Dracula 2023

Content Warning: mental health treatment, mental hospitals, schizophrenia

Dr. Seward's notes - recorded via phone audio

Reduced appetite, sleep disruptions, and loss of interest in things that I enjoyed before. As a clinician, I know I really shouldn’t try to apply diagnoses to myself – we all observe ourselves with our own self-perception and internal narrative. Still, I can’t think to call this anything but depression over my rejection earlier. Not unusual, so I already know the best distraction for me is work until it passes. Fortunately, my appointment schedule is usually very full – finding enough qualified psychiatrists for the hospital has been a challenge. Probably not a good time to dwell on that.

I have a particular interest in one of my patients with whom I had an appointment today. His situation is unusual, so I’m doing my best to understand him as well as I can. His form of delusion is fairly uncommon, more well documented in the past than now.

I’m realizing that I may have been too intense about it – more interested in putting together a case study that helping him reach a point of being able to live a normal life. Normally I focus on the latter, and I’d avoid keeping them in a steady state like the mouth of hell itself. Omnia Romæ venalia sunt - “Hell has its price,” after all.

But with him having gone untreated as long as he has, it’s also very important to understand how exactly his delusion works and what his specific situation is to develop a medication and treatment plan. So, let me take down what I know at the current time (with permission):

R. M. Renfield, age 59. He’s very outgoing and active, generally with a positive, or at least excitable mindset. He’s very strong, inclined to physical activity. He’s prone to unpredictable periods of depression which tend to end in getting a very fixed idea about something. He takes particularly to causes, it seems like, and is difficult to deter once he decides one is indeed a cause. He went untreated and was cared for privately since his 20s before he was brought in after injuring the pet of someone he knew. He hasn’t had any visitors since he arrived. Lack of connections may make his treatment more difficult. His only serious physical issue at the moment is high blood pressure, which is common for men of his age, so we’re at least going to get him started on amlodipine while we figure out the rest. I’ll speak with the psychopharmacologist, but his age makes me a little concerned about using antipsychotics. We may start one at a low dose and see how he responds. As far as therapy goes, observation hasn’t revealed much in terms of stronger or weaker moments in his delusions, so we may end up having to work within that framework to improve quality of life for now.

Quincey Morris to Arthur Holmwood

Via SMS

Quincey: We’ve told stories by the fire, dressed each other’s wounds, and made toasts on the shores of Titicaca. I think it’s time for more of the former and latter, don’t you think? My campfire has a spot for you, and I happen to know a certain lady is busy with a dinner party tomorrow night, so she’ll be otherwise occupied.

Arthur: Naturally. Count me in every time. Is anyone else coming?

Quincey: Our friend from that time in Korea, Jack Seward. It’s time to drown our sorrows as we toast to the good fortune of the happiest man in the world.

Arthur: You’re not wrong about that.

Quincey: Of course I’m not! And you’ve earned it, along with the best heard in the world.

Arthur: I’ll be sure to be there. Besides, I have some news you’ll both want to here.

Quincey: Excellent! See you then.

(A/N: Although in the book Renfield was observed with schizophrenia from a normal age of onset, I suspect he must have avoided treatment for quite a while under modern care to be in his current state. I’m always hesitant to address severe mental health difficulties in my fiction, because I don’t want to give the impression that I think some ableist shit.

I’m going to be open here to that end and state that any depiction here is going to be informed by my own experience with depression with psychosis and having gone with it largely untreated for a long time. It no longer presents those symptoms for me, thankfully, but I’m empathetic to the experience of having them.

So while Renfield and his treatment is certainly a potentially spicy subject, I’m gonna do my best to present it and his treatment in the best way I can. Seward wasn’t depicted as incompetent for his time (as bad as the methods of his time were), so his modern treatment methods shouldn’t be incompetent. I consulted with a mental health professional about this entry so... hopefully it's okay.

Thank god for Quincey and Arthur also talking today. @_@)

#dracula daily #jack seward #schizophrenia #cw: mental illness #cw: mental health #renfield #dracula 2023 #fanfic #modern retelling #cw: medication

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uncloseted · 2 years ago

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How do I ask my doctors office to refer me to a therapist? I looked online but there's only so many who come up with my insurance, would they be able to help me find one easier? What do I even tell them? Thanks so much.

I'm not sure your doctor's office is actually the best person to ask, at least if you're in the US. Doctor's offices can make referrals to psychiatrists, who are medical doctors, and if you're looking for a psychiatrist, you may need your doctor to do that in order for insurance to cover it. But they may or may not have knowledge of the therapists that are in the area or what insurances they take. If you want to try getting a referral through your doctor's office, call the office and just tell them that you'd like to speak with your primary care doctor about a referral. They'll be able to put you in touch with your doctor or walk you through the process of getting a referral. They don't necessarily need to know what the referral is for or what problems you're looking for help with.

My suggestion would be to use the Psychology Today or American Psychological Association's psychologist locator. These let you filter by the type of insurance you have, what problems you're looking for help with, and other preferences you might have like your therapist's gender, religion, sexuality, and languages that they speak. Each therapist has a profile where they have a photo of themselves, list their qualifications, talk about their approach to therapy, and give you an easy way to contact them. Reading these profiles can help you narrow down your options and find a therapist who you think you might "click" with. From there, I would cross-check the list of therapists you're interested in contacting with your insurance's list of therapists to make sure that they're actually in-network for you.

When you contact the therapist, you can say something like:

"Hello! I am interested in beginning therapy, and was wondering if you are currently accepting new patients. If so, I would like to schedule a consultation to see if we would be a good fit. I was referred to you through my insurance provider, [name]. I am looking for help with [a sentence about your problems]. Please let me know next steps. I can be contacted at [your email address and phone number]. Thank you!" The therapist's office will then contact you to schedule an initial consultation, usually a 15 minute phone call or Zoom, where you can get a feel for the therapist and figure out if they're right for you.

If the back-and-forth of scheduling a therapy session stresses you out, you can try ZocDoc, which shows you the appointments each therapist has available and lets you schedule them without talking to anyone. Not all therapists are on there, but it's a really handy tool for those who are. I personally use it for everything because I know I will forget to follow up otherwise.

The last thing I'll say is that you may need to try a few therapists before you find one that you like, and that's totally normal. Try not to get discouraged if you see a few that you don't connect with. The most important thing in therapy is the relationship that you have with your therapist, so it's worth it to shop around a little bit to find one you really like and trust.

#therapy #psychologist #therapist #mental health #mental illness #advice

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visag · 19 days ago

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I'm sorry to do this but 2025 is off to a rough start.

I signed up for the healthcare marketplace in the fall because my broken tooth of 10 years was starting to hurt like hell. I also deeply need a lot of other medical care, including a psychiatrist.

I booked a dental appointment and a psychiatrist in January as soon as my insurance cards arrived. I used my insurance app to call doctors. The nearest in-network office was listed as taking new patients, but they were in fact overbooked in talk therapy, and had a year-long wait-list. Considering the severity of my depression, and the possibility of "Obamacare" being taken away before then, I kept looking. I called the next closest provider and was booked with a physicians assistant. I didn't care about the title of who I was seeing. Unfortunately, the PA was only licensed for medication management, which I can't say I need without knowing my diagnosis. She took me to the front desk and had them schedule me with her colleague. Everyone assured me that the doctor took my insurance. I returned the next week for my intake interview with the doctor, and she was a gem. She made me feel at ease, and I looked forward to coming back. My next appointment is February 10th, if I can keep it. Unfortunately, my insurance denied my claim, citing that the doctor wasn't in network. I called the clinics billing office, and the 2 women I spoke with assured me the doctor was, in fact, on my insurance. I contacted insurance.

The representative said that the clinic hadn't actually verified my insurance, and the doctor had not renewed her contract with the insurance since 2023. Probably a clerical error on the part of someone in the clinic, according to my mom, a career medical receptionist. Obviously, the office needed to know that they gave me the wrong information, and might have been misinforming other people who didn't question it. I called the billing department again, and let them know what insurance said. They said they'd pass the information along. Unfortunately, I will probably now have to pay $325 I don't have because no one did their jobs right.

Next, I went to the dentist that was nearby and in network. They carefully did X-rays and my exam. I was diagnosed with gum disease, cavities, and I have two teeth that need to be extracted ASAP for my longevity. Unfortunately, insurance will only cover exams and cleanings for the first 6 months, and an extraction like this would need a full year of coverage. According to the dentist, I don't have that kind of time. Due to bad credit, I couldn't get approved for a medical loan. I don't know the grand total, but I would owe $360 up front for the cleaning, cavity care, and extractions, then $33 a week. As critical as this is, I can't drop that money because I am trying to get disability benefits while also taking care of my elderly mother.

I am trying to DoorDash now that my mother is in stable condition, but to add insult to injury, I crashed my car today. I was on my way to pick up an order, and slammed into a telephone pole, peeling back the quarter panel.

While the car is technically drivable, there's about 18" of sharp, mangled metal jutting out at a 90° angle. I called the police, filed a claim with insurance, and contacted the repair shop. The shop is booked up for a month, and we have doctor's appointments to attend at the very least. Insurance will reimburse car rental, but we have to front the money. I haven't even found out the estimate for repairs, but a rental car for at least a month will be $800+, and insurance will not reimburse me if I use it for DoorDash.

After last year, losing my dog, my partner, and almost my mom, it feels like I just can't find my footing to get above water. I have been denied for disability twice, and the therapist was going to get me info on a local center that has the resources to help with a disability case. Short of a direct contact, I can find information for the center online.

But yeah, things seemed good at the end of 2024, so we got a puppy, who already ate (almost literally) into next months Social Security check of my mom's. We get by without an emergency, but 3 things like this at once is hard to swallow. I recognize i need to ask for help for my own sanity.

#ko fi #support #raise money #emergency #please help #insurance #medical bills #therapy #dental #car wreck

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thedivinefish · 6 months ago

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divinefishingtips · 6 months ago

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365dailyaffirmations · 6 months ago

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TGIWednesday: How ya holding up?

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ON DECK 🚢 This Thursday August 29th - Join us for our Monthly Zoom all about Relationships! Limited seating, sign up here.!

Get on my schedule today and let's get you back on course! 🧭 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

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TOMORROW AUGUST 29, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-relationships

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

From the Fish Box 📧

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💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

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Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

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Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

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advancedthetapractitioner · 6 months ago

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TGIWednesday: How ya holding up?

TGIWednesday News 📰

ON DECK 🚢 This Thursday August 29th - Join us for our Monthly Zoom all about Relationships! Limited seating, sign up here.!

Get on my schedule today and let's get you back on course! 🧭 🎣 View Calendar First, Then Pay and Schedule 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins | Appointments

TGIWednesday Video Download ▶️

Tomorrow's LIVE Zoom Event 💻

TOMORROW AUGUST 29, 2024 4:00pm ET | 1:00pm PT | 10:00pm UK Registration fee = $22 30 minutes live | Includes replay access 👉 https://calendly.com/jmh-calls/7w-relationships

SUBMISSION INSTRUCTIONS: After registration, Submit your Top 3 words/statements in the format below by Wed. the 28th to [email protected] Be kind to our editors: please KEEP IT BRIEF :)

From the Fish Box 📧

The Fish Market 🎧⬇️

💸 The Prosperity Collection 🧘 The Body, Mind and Spirit Collection 🙂 The Improve Your Life Collection 💻 Access 50+ Videos in the Zoom Replay Collection

Shop Here Now

Fish Food 😇📣

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack Own this e-book so that you can read inspiration every day!

FREE Live Appearances 🎙️

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show.

https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy🙏

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

👉 PayPal for subscription Click here

👉 Use Stripe for subscription Click here.

*Anytime prior to your next scheduled payment within the 30 days, you can cancel or pause this service via email request.

---------------------------------

Could you use a private session? Are you feeling extra-crispy? If so, you can now Book Appointments... View Availability First, Then Pay 15 mins | 30 mins | 60 mins

Visit our Online Training Center 🖥️ "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" - Lao Tzu

Visit now, Click Here!

TGIFunny🤣

Forward

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sunnisurrealism · 8 months ago

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Hi everyone I just want to give an update on my well-being. Today I realized I didn’t send in a consent form to BC Pharmacare and that’s why my coverage wasn’t working, but I called, they told me what to do, and I found the form. This is good because my psychiatrist said i their was an error. So now there shouldn’t be any issues with me obtaining Person With Disability Status and the following monthly stipend and health care benefits.

I am coming to boundless realizations and I am going through a rage mode. I am quite sure I have severe adhd but I have not been assessed. Every single day is an immense struggle of being organized. I have a billion thoughts that I cannot simply get out without feeling like I have to write a whole series of books. Thus, my state is endless restlessness. I feel like Paul, but I know I’m not alone in my destiny like he kinda is. Don’t worry I’ll delete this later. Im not genuinely pissed at anyone in particular, for that would be pointless. I understand that my secret fans know I am a kind person at heart. Quite deeply. Sometimes I need to vent. It’s just that, I can’t afford to not express myself in fear of upsetting my secret fan(s) you Timothée because they cannot help me. Once I have more money and not chronic financial insecurity I won’t be constantly so on edge. I wish my adhd didn’t get in the way so much, and I wish I could go on meds for it but I can’t cuz I’m bipolar. Please never expect anything from me except mail on our birthdays. I cannot stand the pressure and it greatly impedes on my ability to function, which make it no point. I’m not pissed at you Timmy at all you are literally a baby Angel boi. I’m sad MB stopped replying but I’m assuming it was to protect me against my own manic uncontrollable thoughts and tendencies. I respect trust and understand. I’m mostly pissed I have no schedule in my life, which I will work on once I get back from my next trip to Victoria job I see the psychiatrist again. I’m pissed my life is neverending chasing appointments and the beaurocratic system of the government. I often wish I had my own personal assistant to help me because I am so so so overwhelmed I just end up ruminating my life away and failing to eat.

I know the real core of my issue, which is quite obviously, desperation for contact with My Dearest Love Felix. I constantly feel like I’m drowning in an ocean of jaded confusion without him. I’m annoyed when he doesn’t show up in my dreams when I’ve tried. I’m so god damn annoyed that I don’t know the real him and contextually speaking what his sexuality is like. I don’t know if there is hurt feelings or guilt but from that Coldplay song I assumed there was. I am really sorry, but also know I haven’t done anything wrong. it’s painful beyond comprehension in my little brain not knowing what in him is happening. I know though that he conceptually understand that he needs to be my rock, even from afar. Because my disillusionment levels are higher due to not knowing him and im not PR trained to become famous. This sounds so savage but I really really really need him to be stronger than me. At least in this way this story is gender normy. I definitely have a savior complex with him, although during May I saw myself as his Angel savior because he had been waiting so long. Sometimes Chani comforts Paul and Paul Chani. 🧜🏻‍♂️

The more that my secret fans help to accelerate collective transcendence in the name of social surrealist level global compassion IMMEDIATELY STARTING NOW. I don’t think all of us are taking this seriously enough… The more they lift the burden off me in the future. I know this sounds self-centered, but I am fully committed to the biggest dream theoretically possible on earth which if overcoming all systems of oppression. Not only because of the potential rewards, but also because it is what my heart genuinely wants to do when I become famous. Lots of hella people already align with this dream for humanity, I would say everyone actually. But we have to take it so so so much further if we are to address the climate change and i sustainability problem. And it also is the secret key to the mating crisis because emotional intelligence characteristics are evolutionarily advantageous 🌺this path of humanity expanding empathy is extremely obvious, it has always has been and forever will be. Those who don’t align just have broken hearts, which is another reason for the acceleration of compassion. The way thru is not going to change. It’s just the story of humanity.

I do not understand what is happening in the empathetic telepathy / quantum entanglement thing, but it was never going to always be good. At least it’s interesting 🍿

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auroras-void · 11 months ago

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Hmnn if you ever feel bad about not sleeping well, and you've really tried hard but nothing sticks. My personal story is I've had terrible insomnia starting in like middle school at least all the way until I was 19. I had internalized so much about how it was my own fault. I knew I was guilty of "revenge insomnia" and several other bullshit reasons. And I was told all the standard interventions and I tried them again and again, and I could tell it wasn't making much difference, but I also had and still do have horrendous executive dysfunction. So it felt inconclusive because I could never stick to it for more than like a week. And so I blamed myself for it, I told myself I was a failure.

Then one year I had a stretch of time where I had no responsibilities to anyone or anything, I was kinda miserable about it, and it wasn't helping anything. But I just stopped giving a shit about day and night. And I found that after a while it always seemed to stabilize at around 4 or 5 am when I would always feel sleepy. So I just went to bed at 5 am. And I suddenly felt more well rested than ever before. My sleep felt consistent. I didn't have the grogginess, honestly if I had tried to force myself to conform to the standard 9-5 schedule then it would have destroyed me. The only thing wrong was that, I was a little, out of sync with the rest of the world. Or, to me really, the world was out of sync with me. And I was mad about it, because I knew I couldn't fix it.

Then I got some medication, almost begrudgingly prescribed to me from my psychiatrist. Primarily for the anxiety but it had the side effect of causing drowsiness. First one was hydroxyzine and it helped a lot I could actually get myself to sleep when I wanted to. It hurt the quality of my sleep by a lot if I actually took a dose strong enough to be effective, and I could power through it if I didn't. Second one though, 2.5 mg mirtazipine, actually still the same dose I take right now, that one took, and it was pretty gradual, it took a while for my body to adjust to it properly. But today, I notice, taking that on time is the only reliable method to actually get to bed on time. I still stay up late sometimes, but it's always because I got distracted from taking my meds, not from going to bed. If I take my meds, the latest I go to sleep is 1 hour immediately after that. If I'm really determined, I can still keep myself awake, but my brain starts to slow down, it actually makes me feel like it's 5 am.

And suddenly I understand why normal people tell me I'm doing it wrong. If this is what it's like for them then yeah, it seems crazy and disruptive to do insomnia.

But it's not for me. I'm just being punished for having a different brain.

And now I've just kinda, naturally fallen into a mostly healthy sleep schedule without really trying too hard or thinking about it, and, life moves on.

Cause the other thing is this has only fixed exactly 1 (one) of my problems.

I do not feel better. I do not feel happier. I do not have more motivation. I do not have more focus. My ADHD my depression my anxiety, they're all still wreaking havoc on my life, completely independently of this.

I just feel slightly less tired.

That's it.

It does make fighting the rest a little easier I *guess*. But I'm not cured. I'm not suddenly normal. I don't just need another 3 hour lecture about shit I already know. I know how to take care of myself. I just *can't*. I'm just, out of sync with the world. And I lack the autonomy and power to bring it to me. So I need a hammer to strike myself with to bend into shape. How I don't know. No one wants to give me a hammer without lots of back and forth energy I simply don't have. So I just wait. In Limbo, a little longer. Waiting for the next appointment. Praying my memory of it doesn't get corrupted by the constant shower of cosmic rays bouncing around inside my head.

It's been two decades, and my life still hasn't felt like it's begun.

#post #personal #adhd #delayed sleep phase disorder #insomnia

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dopaminergicaddictions · 1 year ago

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I woke up at 2:30. I'm at thr glass place now. I can't wait to have a new Windshield. The astigmatism will disappear. It won't be covered in nicotine anymore. It's going to be wonderful.

I'm here about 30 minutes early. They said it takes anywhere between 1 hour and 1 hour and 30 minutes. My appointment was at 4 and they close at 5 so I wanted to get here early.

I'm thankful for the ability to take the higher dose when my circadian rhythm gets in the way. I still have to consider getting a psychiatrist tbh... cause my doctor won't go up. And I have a feeling Xanax is going to be forever.

I have to reschedule my medical marijuana renewal as I don't see the point in spending 75$ on a renewal I can't use for at least 2 more weeks. I guess you're considered a renewal for 60 days after you expire so that a good thing. I expire tomorrow.

I still have to deal with Mike I canceled for today but Erin will be out next week so I scheduled him for Friday. I'll see Erin Monday, Danielle Tuesday and him Friday. I do have to talk to him about it though.

I'm still hallucinating. Nothing has changed. So I mean I guess my brain is broken forever. I have deemed this my first episode... everytime i hallucinated on the thc pills short term was just hallucinating...

July 28th to July 29th wasn't even 24 hours... it started somewhere between 9-11 pm on the 28th and ended on the 29th somewhere between 2-5 p.m. it wasn't even a full 24 hours. The only good new is usually people can recover from their first episode psychosis. I don't thinkna stretch of under 24 hours is considered psychosis.

I am losing hope that it will stop.. I only have roughly 14 more days.... my Dr recommended holistic medicine... not covered by insurance as I won't consider antipsychotics... Erin wants me to talk to a herbal healer... like I can afford any of this. So yea. I'm starting to looking up how to lower dopamine in the brain naturally... and it's kinda a let down... exercise! I can't even walk back and forth to my car without developing a rash and a cysts........ no nicotine... yes right.... let's just cope with hallucinating by doing meth then right? Cause I need a vice... no sugar... yes right.. let's spend all my money on things without sugar and not drink or eat anything I enjoy.... I don't have as much sugar as you'd think.. it's really just in my juice ans red bull.

I guess it's just going to have to be natural. I have control over my mental images now almost entirely... so I mean there is that. They aren't sexual even though psychosis really tries to male me see the creature with hair and see genitals. It doesn't really work anymore cause I can change it. I know mental images get really effected from psychosis.

I'm worried that even though I know it's psychosis, that my brain can't heal naturally. Everyone needs to do drugs....like I've joined all these groups asking if anyone healed from it naturally and no one responds... it's like everyone hears the voice ot goes catatonic and just takes drugs. If I didn't have the knowledge i do I would have probably taken drugs but I have too much knowledge of them. In the group I was reading some people posts and the a lot of people were talking about latuda... I read about it. It's fucked. The side effects and all that. It really will ruin a person.

So this is like day 117 or something. Idk I'd my brain will ever re-regulate.... all I know is supposedly you can heal from psychosis.

I keep seeing this mental images of a pink brain with blackened connections. 2 weeks ago the blackened wires were like the size of a soda can bottom just square shaped. Today it's like the size of a red bull can but square shaped. I feel like my brain is trying to tell me it's getting more Nirmal... idk. I kinda expect to be like this for life.

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everydayesterday · 2 years ago

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you shouldn’t read this. it’s unsettling, I suppose. trigger warnings for anyone who suffers from mental illness. I just need to write it down for the therapeutic aspect. I will most likely delete this in a few minutes.

I’m pretty sure tumblr hides this kind of content anyway. [remember that this is the site that intervenes using koko, which has used ChatGPT for an AI chatbot experiment without the consent of users.] tumblr doesn’t have the best track record for issues like this.

I need a sleepover with my therapist and psychiatrist where we can watch silly movies in our pyjamas and make jokes about boyfriends and girlfriends.

I need there to be an option for immediate overnight psychiatric treatment where I can be monitored closely for a few days and have the intervention of specialists to make necessary adjustments to medication, but where I don’t have to get there by showing up at an ER and saying that if I go home I’m going to slash my forearm open with a boxcutter (I’m not sure how likely that specific scenario is, given that I’m squeamish about forearms, but I do feel a need to cut, and I’m not a cutter; maybe I just need to inject something hard into my veins? I can see the appeal of heroin in desperate times). I’m sure others feel the same obstacles in their path to recovery. it feels like all or nothing are the only options.

a few minutes ago I scheduled an appointment with my therapist for today at noon. at least that’s a positive step that I’ve made, and I did it on my own, instead of burdening my ex-wife with something she’s not entirely equipped to handle emotionally.

it’s all so sudden. have my triggers always worked so quickly? is this a full-blown episode? I don’t know, but I don’t have answers, and I don’t feel like I’ve got control of my own mind, and being aware of that just makes it worse.

a big fuck you to my immune system for attacking me back in 2015.

anyway, here’s a nice excerpt from an article on immunology and bipolar:

“A narrative review published in Journal of Affective Disorders found that the increased risk of general medical comorbidities (GMC) in patients with bipolar disorder (BD) may be mediated by immune dysfunction.

The life expectancy of individuals with BD is approximately 11 to 20 years fewer than that of the general population, which is believed to be caused primarily by the elevated prevalence of GMC in BD. For example, cardiovascular disease is more common in individuals with BD vs healthy controls and individuals with other mental disorders, and it is the top cause of mortality in BD. Additionally, diabetes-related death is more common in individuals with BD compared with the general population.”

guess what I developed back in 2015? heart problems and diabetes. stg I don’t know how I’m still alive. but I made it through the night, even if I have been awake since 3:30.

#me #bipolar #actually bipolar #bipolar-I #actually mentally ill #tw #tw suicide #tw: suicide #tw cutting #tw: cutting #tw mental health #tw: drugs #tw drugs #tw: self-harm #tw self-harm #content warning #community label: Drug and Alcohol Addiction

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billgenbrough · 7 months ago

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So, uh. It's almost 4 AM. This situation is giving me so much anxiety that I can't sleep, and it's also flaring up some medical issues (some of my physical health problems get worse with anxiety) so this is fun. I can't take any melatonin because it makes me sleep for a minimum of eight hours and takes about two to actually kick in, and I have to leave for the appointment in six hours. My mom (who drives me because I don't have a license) says that traffic shouldn't be too bad and that she'll "probably be home an hour before we need to leave," but also, it's fucking Chicago we're talking about, so who knows what the traffic will be like. "There won't be that much traffic at 8 AM" That is a fucking lie, that's like one of the busiest times of day for business commutes.

I'm going to have an aneurysm or at least pop a blood vessel (if my anxiety-induced ailments don't take me out first).

Like I could text my psychiatrist's nurse at 8 when they open and be like "Hey, can we reschedule this to a video call next Monday instead, my mom had to unexpectedly go to the airport because my sister's flight got moved from Saturday to today," but I don't want to risk the cancelation fee (if you call within 24 hours of your appointment, you have to pay like 25 bucks or something like that) and my mom would throw a fit if I did that without telling her (again, she's my driver).

My mom told me about a week ago to just start scheduling the public disability aid transportation (called the "show bus" in my area) for my appointments because "they accept rides from anywhere in the county," but I highly doubt that's actually true (I don't live in the same town as my doctor's office, and I know a lot of public transportation systems like busses don't go out of city limits) and it's also a thing where you have to pay for each ride (my mom says my insurance would pay for it because "they did in the past," but that was a different insurance company and also had insurance-contracted personal drivers do it, not the fucking public show bus, but I digress) which I wouldn't be able to do two to four times a week (I'm not sure if it's one payment for a round-trip or one payment each way, but I usually have one appointment a week with another appointment every month) because I don't actually have income (working on getting disability again, but I'm most likely going to miss my appeal deadline—again) to consistently pay for the bus until further notice.

So yeah, I'm losing my goddamn mind (and the contents of my stomach) from the agonizing anxiety this is causing.

I have a doctor's appointment at 11 AM (have to leave around 10:30) but my mom has to be at the airport at 7:30 AM and the airport is two hours away in a super busy city

Chat, do you think I can make it to the appointment, or should I text my doctor to reschedule

#atlas adventures #i didnt even want my sister to come HOME #shes made shit so much worse since moving back home in december #even my therapist agrees my sister is causing me to jump backwards progress-wise

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tonystarkisafruit · 5 years ago

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My anxiety has been so bad today. Like it's been a good and and overall I'm happy and in a good mood but I'm also so anxious that im nauseated so like that's fun

#if i still drank today is the kind of day i would have shown up to class at least buzzed #which is sadly something I've done several times #like rationally i know that a drink would 'help' me right now #but emotionally i dont really desire a drink like there's no craving #which is just a weird feeling #anyway i scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist to talk about upping or changing my meds bc theyre not working clearly #if im this anxious #ben gets personal #alcohol cw

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alstroemeriadissonance · 3 years ago

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Is it okay to be selfish? 🥺 I’m going to be a bit selfish… Hopefully this is inspiring!

Rosa is so stressed from work/something awful happened and she’s suffering from nightmares that are robbing her of precious sleep. How would Vyn comfort her and/or solve the problem? 🤔

(Btw you’re a god on this platform and I love and adore your work. Have some 🍰🍷 you deserve it!)

Treatment (NSFW)

"Well, this is something new."

Dr. Vyn Richter smiled at his new patient from across his executive desk, then directed his attention onto the text displayed on the tablet in front of him.

He pursed his lips upon reading the initial symptoms assessment taken by his research center assistant. "Hmm. 'Nightmares that cause mild distress, and short-term insomnia'."

"Miss Rosa," he looked up from the tablet, his piercing gold gaze looking straight into her soul. "You know that I am at your complete disposal anytime, and that you did not have to put in an appointment. And yet you did."

He let out a sigh as he briefly took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "You do know how invested I am in your well-being." Vyn once again slid his glasses up his nose.

"Yet here I am seeing that...this has been going on for a few days now? Why did I not hear mention of this earlier?"

A mild admonishment.

"I'm sorry, Vyn," Rosa stifled a yawn. "I honestly didn't want to bother you with something as minor as nightmares."

Vyn dropped his smile. "Anything innocuous that becomes disruptive, is no longer innocuous." A sigh. "You look tired, weary. You should have told me at the very least, when the nightmares started recurring."

"Mm. I did actually. Or rather I put in an appointment after the nightmare happened the second time. Today was the soonest available slot I could get." Rosa smiled wanly at him. "Anyway, I thought of taking this chance to see how it feels like, being Dr. Richter's patient."

A nervous laughter escaped her lips.

"And, how did the experience go so far?" Warmth seeped back into Vyn's face as he regarded his lover with nothing but fondness.

"Pleasant, actually," Rosa replied. "I did have an impression that your schedule was packed, but your assistant was kind enough to give me a heads up and make sure my wait was comfortable."

Vyn nodded approvingly. "I am glad. I appreciate you putting in a good word for my staff as well. So..."

The psychiatrist stood up from his executive chair, going around his table to hug his lover from behind her seat.

His silver wisps flowed and mingled with Rosa's auburn strands as he bent over to kiss the top of her head.

"Rosa, Rosa..." he murmured into her hair. "Why must you worry me so? I do not like the idea that you are languishing in something that is well within my realm of expertise to fix." His fingers gently caressed her cheek.

"I didn't want to worry you, Vyn," Rosa pressed her cheek into Vyn's palm. His fingers felt slightly cool to the touch, but she found it comforting to her warm skin. "I figured that the nightmares would go away on their own, but..." she sighed, closing her eyes and relishing the feel of his fingers as they started running through her hair.

"I love you, Rosa, you know that," Vyn said quietly. "I always worry about you. You occupy my waking thoughts. Always."

"And I didn't want to add to that, Vyn," Rosa said. "I know how you already put me first..."

"And I would not have it any other way, beloved," Vyn said, softly yet firmly. "I will take care of you. But not here. I prefer a separation between my professional and private life."

Another kiss on the top of her head. "Come. Let us go home."

===

After dinner, the psychiatrist decided that it was a good idea for them to unwind in his study, before they made preparations for bedtime.

Vyn placed a steaming cup of lavender and mint herbal infusion in front of Rosa, who was seated by his mahogany work table.

After browsing through his personal vinyl record collection, he mounted his choice record for the night on the turntable and put on the needle. Jazz standard music flowed out of the speakers, setting the mood for relaxation.

"How is it, my beloved?" Vyn asked, referring to the herbal drink, as he sat himself in the chair across her with his book in hand. "Do you wish to take it with some milk?"

"Mhm. No need. This is perfect, Vyn. Thank you." Rosa took the cup and saucer to appreciate the aromatic steam. "This smells lovely...is this one of your personal blends?"

"Yes. I take it whenever I have trouble falling asleep," Vyn murmured as he opened his book, resuming his leisurely read from a dog-eared page.

A comfortable silence fell upon the lovers: Vyn engrossed in his book, and Rosa enjoying her cup of soothing herbal blend.

Jazz standards continued to play from Vyn's favorite turntable. The music was neither soporific nor stimulating; it was just right for the purpose of letting themselves indulge in a little downtime before sleeping.

Vyn was of the mind that no matter how busy the work day, there should be some time allotted for oneself; be it to read a book, enjoy a cup of soothing beverage, listening to music or even watching a favorite TV show.

The loss of such a time would only lead to an erosion of identity; the start of the slippery slope where ultimately one would only exist solely for responsibility, and nothing left for oneself. This would inevitably lead to stress, and along with stress comes a variety of mental distress, including nightmares...

"Vyn, I thought we're spending time here in your study to talk about my nightmares...?" Rosa gently broke through the sweet silence.

Vyn looked up from his book. "No need. If we are to talk about your nightmares, it would be best to talk about it when we are in bed, about to sleep." A small smile. "You may want to take advantage of having someone knowledgeable in psychology as your...companion in bed."

He bent over, reaching out to her cheek with a light brush of his knuckle. "What is most important right now, is to let you have some time for yourself. Relax. Do you want me to get you something to go along with your drink? Or do you wish for another? Mind, I do not recommend alcohol, as tempting as it sounds."

Rosa put down her now empty cup. "Can I ask for something else, Vyn?"

"But of course. What does my love desire?"

"Can I have a kiss?" Rosa flashed him a small, shy smile. "A kiss from Dr. Richter...um. Never fails to make me feel better."

Rosa covered her face with her hands as soon as she said those words; a furious blush had crept all over her face.

Vyn shook his head, smiling. "Of course. If you only knew how much I wanted to, in the first place..."

He placed his book onto the table.

Vyn then knelt in front of Rosa, with his hands folded on her lap. He looked at her through his long silver lashes, a hint of a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"Feel free to claim your kiss," he whispered.

In a fit of impulse he took off his eyeglasses, setting them on the table as well. His smile only grew wider when, despite his myopic vision, he could make out Rosa's face gain a deeper red flush as she beheld his face now unimpeded by spectacles.

"Come, kiss me," he beckoned to her again.

Vyn let her take the lead as they locked lips; everything not Rosa was blotted out from his senses--all he could see, touch, smell, hear, taste was all Rosa.

Their tongues entwined, and Vyn could definitely taste the lavender and mint from her tongue. The kiss melted him so much that he found himself draping upon her lap, moaning her name into her mouth as Rosa coiled her arms around him, gathering him into her embrace.

"Rosa," he breathed as she let him surface a bit for air. "Rosa, I love you..." He could feel himself grow hard with utter desire as his lover helped herself to him by sucking on his tongue.

"I know, Vyn," she smiled as he cradled him close to her. "I love you too."

His senses were awash with Rosa--all he could see and smell was her and her alone. Hair smelling of soft cotton. Base notes of roses left on her skin, along with a little salt...so damn arousing... Vyn found everything about her quite intoxicating--it was very tempting to just reach out and pull her down onto the floor with him...

"Silly woman," Vyn let out a soft laugh as his hands reached out to grab the armrests on Rosa's chair, gripping them to steady himself and also to stop himself from ravishing her on that very spot. "I was not planning on arousing you. I wanted you to sleep in a relaxed state as much as possible."

"I'm sorry," Rosa giggled. "You just looked so handsome reading right in front of me."

"Really now," Vyn's lips curved into a rakish smile. "I am flattered that you think of me so highly. But," he pushed himself up off the floor and planted a kiss on her forehead. "It is almost bedtime, so we better get ready. Come," he said as he slid his eyeglasses up his nose once again.

He chuckled inwardly as he heard Rosa sigh and mutter something about being 'cock-blocked'.

===

Finally having showered and changed into their bedclothes, the both of them went to bed with Vyn holding Rosa in his arms, as he silently listened to her recount how her nightmares usually went.

"It always starts with a feeling of being lost." Rosa murmured against the crook of his neck. "Then someone is chasing after me. I...I'm not sure how he looks like, but in my mind once he catches me I'll be killed, stabbed to death with his knife." She paused. "I always wake up when he catches me."

"And how do you feel when he does?" Vyn absent-mindedly played with Rosa's slightly damp auburn curls with his fingers, all focus directed towards listening to her.

"I scream a lot in my dream." Rosa laughed nervously. Her thoughts came in a barely-coherent jumble. "Not sure if I also scream in real life. Terrified. Because he'll kill me...everything goes black..."

Rosa moved closer to him, absorbing more of Vyn's body warmth as much as she could through his silk robe. "Then I wake up in the middle of the night, and I would have a hard time falling asleep after that."

"Ah, poor Rosa," Vyn pulled her closer to him. One of his hands slowly run over her back in an attempt to soothe and calm her. "I will be here, and I will personally oversee your progress throughout the course of the treatment, which may extend for a couple of weeks." A reassuring kiss on her forehead. "Will this be acceptable?"

"Progress?" Rosa looked at him questioningly. "What's your treatment plan, anyway?"

"Basically," Vyn began, "I will be trying a simplification of something called imagery rehearsal therapy. It is an interesting thing. It calls for rewriting the ending of your nightmare to cushion or eliminate the threat in the dream."

"Taking the fangs out of the nightmare, you mean."

"Exactly."

"I'd ask how you would do it but," Rosa yawned behind her hand. "I'm sleepy..."

"Just about time," Vyn said as he reached out to turn off the bedside lamp. A comfortable darkness settled within Vyn's bedroom; he gently shifted Rosa a bit so her back was flush against his chest as he spooned her, his arms coiled protectively around her shoulders and waist.

"Good night, my dearest. Let us take care of your nightmare together," he murmured against the nape of her neck. "Do not worry; I am here."

"Thanks, Vyn. I love you."

===

Vyn awoke to Rosa trembling in his arms.

His eyes glanced at the illuminated LED clock. 2:45 AM. Just about time for her REM sleep to kick in.

He shifted himself carefully so he could put his ear near her mouth. Panting. Fast, shallow breathing. His fingers gently sought out her wrist, and lightly touched the spot where the radial artery was located. Raised heart rate. He estimated her heart rate would be about 130. Average heart rate for someone running...

She is running. In her dream.

In the scant illumination from the garden lamps outside he could make out her lower lip trembling.

"...no," whispered Rosa.

She was in distress.

Vyn set out to work.

He did tell her that he was going to apply imagery rehearsal therapy, an activity that was usually carried out in his office, through conversations and exchange of ideas. However...

Since this was his Rosa, he was going to fix this problem the best that he could, which could also mean him resorting to unconventional means.

As for the therapy itself, without his complete arsenal available in his research center, all Vyn could do for now is to try and send suggestions to Rosa's subconscious through her dreams.

For it to even happen, he would have to hope for Rosa to be in that state of half sleep, half wakefulness where external stimuli gets woven into the fabric of her dreams...

Here goes.

Vyn brought his lips to her ear. "Love..."

===

Once again, that heavy feeling of dread. Once again, you are in one of the deserted back alleys of the CBD area, and there's no one to help you. Dark, only dark surrounds you and only dark lies ahead of you. You try to run as quietly as you can to try and not draw attention towards you. Run, run, run, but your footsteps echo still. Your heels click-clack loudly as you run but it's too late now to stop. You try to run as fast as you can but why are your steps bogged down, why are movements so slow, why is it that you can't reach the other end of the alley?

The palpable feeling of immense dread courses through your veins. He is here. He is here. He is here. He is here.

He is here.

He is--

"Nnghhh," you try to cry out but nothing comes out of your throat. You feel him come closer. At first he is by the entrance of the alleyway you just came from. Then you feel him get closer, closer, closer--

He is just behind you now.

"No..." your voice manages to get through, in a strangled cry. Try as hard as you might you are now frozen in place and there's nowhere to run. He is now behind you, and you recoil, gnashing your teeth as you expect the inevitable strike--

A hand takes hold of yours.

"Love," says a familiar voice. "It is only me."

Your eyes open. You feel strong arms hug you from behind, lovingly. "Why are you scared? Why are you running away from me?"

A kiss on the top of your head.

"Love. Look at me."

He gently turns you around, effortlessly moving you despite the invisible quagmire that held you in place.

It's Vyn. His beautiful moonlight hair and champagne eyes. Smiling at you. Love. Only love.

"Why are you so scared?" A soft laugh. "I was looking all over for you, only to find you running away from me."

You don't reply--you can't reply--but instead you return his hug, clinging to your savior desperately. It's Vyn. Only Vyn. Why were you so scared? You find yourself crying silently as you cling to his shoulders. It's Vyn. You're safe.

"Ssh. You are safe now, do not cry," he whispers.

Then his lips upon yours. His tongue slips past your lips and slides against your own. You feel his hands slide gently down your body, his hands palming your buttocks and then grabbing at your ass cheeks, pressing your pelvis against his thighs, all the while he sucks on your tongue. He briefly surfaces from the kiss to say, "I want you," then resumes devouring your lips and tongue as he slowly grinds his erection against your stomach...

You are in the middle on a dark alley.

But no matter, you're in too deep now.

===

"Hahh--" Vyn, now fully naked with his silk robe already discarded to the floor, braced himself on top of Rosa as he kissed her with tongue. He made sure to keep his weight distributed to both of his elbows planted by either side of her on the mattress, so he does not burden her with his full weight and run the risk of waking her.

He pressed his hard cock against her abdomen, grinding it against her but careful not to apply too much pressure. It was all too tempting to let himself go, but Vyn willed himself to delay his gratification until the very last moment after Rosa is made to orgasm...

Rosa is still asleep, and is still under REM stage. However gone now are her tremors borne of terror; they were now replaced by telltale moans of sexual arousal.

Vyn had successfully flipped her nightmare into a wet dream.

Which poses a different daytime distraction, but still...

Direct intervention was never a requirement for imagery rehearsal therapy, as it could be done by the patient alone after a bit of guidance.

However, Vyn fancied being a little extra in resolving Rosa's nightmare problem.

(This would introduce a new set of problems, but one step at a time, Vyn thought)

Rosa's hips moved against his, moaning all throughout, still in the throes of sleep.

One of Vyn's hands slipped underneath her satin camisole, sliding upwards until his palm cupped her swell of her breast. He teased her nipple to hardness by running the skin of his palm against it; and he was rewarded by a soft mewling that escaped Rosa's lips and a slight arching of her back that pressed her breast harder into his gently kneading hand.

"I want you. I want to fuck you so much," Vyn whispered directly into her ear. "You are safe with me, but I need to fuck you..."

The way Rosa writhed underneath him in her sleep--it was so tempting to just let himself go and ravish her as much and as hard as he can, to rail her so hard into the mattress like how she deserved to be fucked, but there was work to be done and his patient this time was his most cherished...

Biting his lip Vyn continued to gently tease her, his thumb and forefinger now gently rolling her nipple as he continued his kissing, relishing the feel of her tongue sliding against him, her body arching closer to his in an unconscious response to his touches.

"Nngh--Vyn..." Rosa finally moaned his name out loud.

Shit.

It may be an indication that she was starting to break through her REM. Vyn needed to work faster now, there was no time to linger and enjoy himself...

Vyn's hand slowly slid down from her breast, his cool fingertips running across the skin of her stomach, then her lower abdomen...and eventually reaching her completely drenched slit.

"You are doing good, Rosa," Vyn purred softly into her ear as his fingers slightly dipped in between her wet, throbbing flesh, lubricating his digits with her own slick. "Come. I will make you feel good."

Licking his lips Vyn started with tracing light circles around Rosa's clit. "Yess..." he whispered as he watched Rosa moan slightly louder, needier now, her hips moving and grinding against his hand. "Does it feel good, pet?" He let a soft laugh escape his lips. Rosa was putty in his hands and even in her sleep she was so pliant, so responsive, only for him...

Vyn's thumb kept on gently strumming her clit, as he let his index and forefingers slip inside her cunt. Her hot inner walls sucked in his fingers effortlessly, as if in hunger, or as if there was a void that so badly needed to be filled and it could be filled only by his fingers.

Or his cock.

But masturbation for now. Rosa would need to come with his fingers. He will indulge later when she starts to wake up. For now Vyn fucked her pussy with long, steady strokes--not too hard that it may accelerate her break to wakefulness--as he indulged in her moans, cries, her cunt grinding against his hand.

I wish I can see her dreams.

I wonder how I look like, how I am, in her dreams...

===

"Does it feel good, pet?" asks your savior as his fingers give you the relief you so waited for all your life. All your life--this is the release that you have been wishing for, the heaping of pleasure upon pleasure upon pleasure, each circle drawn by his fingertips around your clit brings such pleasure that builds and winds you up tighter and tighter...

Your hips buck against his hand, willing, pushing him to go faster--but you still cannot speak, and so you can only cry tears of frustration until Vyn finally slips two fingers inside you--manna from heaven, your brain sings--and you cry, this time of utter relief and you grind your hips closer to his hand, trying to bury his fingers deeper inside of you where they belong, yes, more, deeper, deeper, deeper...

Vyn of the moonlight hair and champagne gold eyes look upon you with that gentle cruelty on his face, thoroughly enjoying himself as he sees you rut yourself on his hand. "Hahaha, yes. Come for me. Moan for me," he whispers. "My little Rosa. I want you to come all over my hand."

Fingertip still drawing circles on your clit. Fingers fucking you, fingers slipping in and out with movements that could be an ancient code that sings of your love for him and his for you. Wet, slick noises at every movement of his fingers. In, out, in, out. Warmth is now starting to pool from your loins, the sweet coil of pleasure unravelling, unravelling and the cold ground on which he fucks you is now turning softer, warmer, yielding to your body--you are now lying on a bed--and you shout as you come violently, so strongly that everything turns white and--

===

"Nngh..." Rosa moaned, the movement of her hips against Vyn's hand going faster and stronger. "Ahhhh--!!" She came as she moaned, shouted into the solemn quiet of Vyn's bedroom. "Oh god, oh god," she cried as her hips never let up their movement as she rode her violent orgasm. "Oh god!"

Rosa finally woke up. "What...Vyn...?"

"Fuck," Vyn muttered, at this point too turned on now to hold himself back. "I am sorry, beloved," he whispered urgently as he parted her thighs, positioning himself to take her. "Gods. I need to fuck you now."

His impatient hands grabbed her by the thighs and pulled her closer to him, his hard cock glistening with pre-cum, twitching, as it made contact with her now dripping sex.

Licking his lips Vyn guided his tip to her entrance, and with a single motion plunged himself to the hilt.

"Hahaha, fuck," Vyn let out a groan, throwing his head back, finally awash with relief of being able to fuck her and chase his own pleasure. The thrusting of his hips have started and picked up both strength and speed; his queen-sized bed creaking with every thrust into her pussy; and he is rewarded with sweet, sweet moans from his Rosa begging him to fuck her more, fuck her harder, ravage her cunt more, yes, please...

"Vyn," Rosa now dug her fingers into the bedsheets. "Vyn!!" she cried out, having reached her second orgasm.

"Again, pet?" Vyn cried out in between thrusts. "I am about to--" he gritted his teeth, bracing himself for the inevitable, and the wave finally washed over him--the black of the room replaced with white as he climaxed inside her in violent bursts.

===

"Hello, Miss Rosa," Dr. Richter greeted his last patient for the day in his office. "Did the nightmare recur anytime after our...treatment?"

A few days have lapsed after she slept in Vyn's Victorian mansion. While Vyn offered to sleep together for a few more days, Rosa had declined, reasoning that both of them needed to attend to their own duties, and that she had faith that his chosen method of treatment would work.

Rosa seated herself in the patient's chair set in front of his executive desk. "Actually...no," she said.

Vyn planted his elbows on his desk, and placed his chin on steepled fingers. "I sense a 'but' there. Is anything amiss?"

A small smile played on his lips; a telltale glint of mirth illuminating his gold eyes.

"Nothing much," Rosa said after some thought. "I followed your recommendation that I ease up on my workload and to make sure I have at least one hour to spend on a hobby everyday."

She smiled, but the smile was a little bit taut. "I no longer have nightmares."

Vyn nodded. "I am glad. I was thinking that we may need to do the conventional method of imagery rehearsal therapy should it not work." He then tipped his head slightly to the side. "But...?"

Rosa took a deep breath as said, "I am getting distracted during the day," she bit her lip, keeping herself from grinning. "I can't help but. You know what I mean."

The psychiatrist chuckled. "You can put it into words, love. We do not record conversations unless with explicit consent from the patient. No need to hide behind euphemisms."

"Fine, since you so badly want to hear it, Vyn," Rosa said. "I can't help but think of how we fucked that night. Or," she exhaled. "How much I want to fuck you again."

A nigh-imperceptible movement of her thighs. Vyn took notice, despite her seated across his executive desk.

Wordlessly he got up and crossed the distance to his door, opened it to flip the outside signage to indicate Dr. Richter is OUT, then bolted the door closed.

"You want us to fuck again, you said?" Vyn said as he gave her such an inviting smile, licking his lips as he locked his predatory gaze with hers. "Then come. They have always said that the psychiatrist's chaise longue is an exceptional furniture for lovemaking..."

#tears of themis smut #tears of themis #mo yi #vyn richter #tot smut #vyn richter smut #tot vyn

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