#I say one of the most accurate casting decisions ever

[real-russ-jackson]

Day 13 — in white

[bugboybuck]

boys will be bugs, right.

read on ao3

Evan turns up at Tommy's door on a morning Tommy wasn't expecting him with a manic look in his eyes. Tommy - who'd been dragged out of bed by the doorbell, still wiping sleep out of his eyes - doesn't immediately know what to make of his expression. It's never a bad thing to see his boyfriend unexpectedly; in fact, if Tommy had his way, he'd see Evan all the time. But he's also not a sucker, and he knows that when a guy like Evan looks at you all pink-cheeked and dimpled, you're at risk of being talked into some of the dumbest decisions of your life.

"Hey, baby," Tommy greets him, trying not to sound wary. "Did I forget a breakfast date? I'm still kind of out of it from my shift."

"No, you didn't forget," Evan tells him, leaning in for a kiss. It's a sign of what a simple man Tommy is that the press of Evan's warm pink lips and the smell of him all close, the feel of one of his thick hands sliding onto Tommy's waist, is enough to distract him for a solid ten seconds, even when Evan pulls back and says, "Sorry, did I wake you? I just need to measure some stuff in your back yard."

He squeezes Tommy's hip and kisses him once more and then pushes past him, heading right for the kitchen, where the door to Tommy's back yard sits.

"I've been meaning to get you a key cut so you can just let yourself in," Tommy says, more to himself than to Evan, who doesn't seem to have heard him anyway. Brain still getting online, Tommy closes the front door, makes to follow Evan - and only then processes the next part of Evan's statement. "Wait, what about my back yard?"

Evan's already bounced out the back door. Tommy briefly regrets getting a boyfriend ten years younger than him with a seemingly endless well of energy like a puppy. He rubs his eyes, presses the button to turn on the coffee machine, and then follows Evan out the door.

Tommy's proud of his back yard. He doesn't have the time to garden much, but he has a little planter of herbs, which Evan has been delighted by ever since he first came here and now cooks with on every possible occasion - he has a nice spread of lawn which is good for hosting barbecues, one large tree which casts a dozy shade from the sun. Most pleasingly to Tommy, the yard stretches around both sides of the house, putting him a decent distance away from his neighbours. The house itself is small, a one-story, two-bedroom Spanish revival thing he'd bought in the market crash, but he'd wanted it for the double-garage and the spacious yard, and he's never once regretted buying it for those reasons. He's glad his boyfriend likes it too, but the way he's currently mapping around the base of the Palo Verde tree with a measuring tape is putting a kind of dread in Tommy's stomach that he can't accurately explain.

"Evan, can you communicate with me in some kind of human language? My usual mindreading powers have been dampened by the fact I'm still half asleep. Why are you measuring my tree?"

Briefly and optimistically, Tommy thinks maybe Evan just wants to host a barbecue. Maybe he's plotting space for a slip'n'slide for the 118's kids, or something. But unfortunately -

"It's for the bees!" Evan tells him, bouncing back towards Tommy. He's got a smile like an angel. Tommy's stomach erupts in butterflies like he's not a fucking forty year old man as Evan slides both his arms around Tommy's waist, pulls him close, the warm smell of him invading Tommy's space. "I know you haven't forgotten - I texted you!"

Tommy remembers the texts, which he'd sent a couple heart emojis back to the night before immediately prior to passing out from a shift from hell. Evan had sent him some fun facts about the importance of pollinators and a link to a local bee society saying he wanted to 'get involved'. Tommy had thought maybe Evan was planning to volunteer the firehouse for an awareness event, at most.

Now, a much more worrying reality is worming its way into his vision.

"Evan," Tommy says, "Please tell me I am not getting bees."

"Babe," Evan says, sounding exasperated. "Of course not. I know you don't really like insects. I'm getting bees. I just need to keep them in your garden because my landlord said no to putting them on my balcony."

Evan rolls his eyes, like that is somehow a ridiculous stance in his opinion. And, look. Tommy is a tough guy. He was raised tough. He knows how to hunt, how to shoot a gun. He doesn't like that stuff, but he's done it. He's seen war, he's seen tragedies as a firefighter. He's seen people die, he's held people's guts inside their bodies with his bare hands. He's not scared of bugs.

He just doesn't like them or the way their weird legs move or the way they buzz around your head when Tommy thinks helicopters should be the only things allowed to fly.

He adores Evan's enthusiasm for the natural world and seemingly endless well of untapped optimism. It's a huge part of why Tommy has fallen so hard and fast he can't even see the sky anymore. But in this moment he does, in fact, briefly consider locking Evan out of his home forever.

"Evan, we are not putting bees in my garden. No way. You don't have time to come here every day and I'm not gonna look after them when you're working!"

"They don't need looking after every day! They're not like puppies, Tommy. I promise, you won't even notice they're there."

Evan kisses the cleft of Tommy's chin and then the hinge of his jaw with his hot wet mouth. Inside, the coffee machine beeps. He can't believe he's having this conversation without caffeine.

"I'm pretty sure I will notice they're there, on account of the fact my garden will be full of bees."

Evan's thick, calloused fingers are sliding underneath the hem of Tommy's t-shirt, rubbing at the taut skin of his waist.

"Don't you want to help the pollinators, Tommy?" Evan asks. Tommy looks to the heavens and thinks, help. "Plus, think of everything we'd be able to bake with the honey! Have you ever had honey cake? I bet you'd like it."

"Evan." Tommy attempts to sound firm. He's not really a firm sort of guy. He's more a go-with-the-flow, embrace-the-chaos sort. But there are occasional moments, like this one right here, where push comes to shove, and you just have to put your foot down. "We are not getting bees."

Evan pouts.

______

They get bees.

[jerreeeeeee]

actually its kind of crazy how little we actually see the starblaster crew interact with each other. like other than tres horny boys and each of the pairs in that trio, and like, arguably lucretia and thb, barry and lup, and lup and taako, most of the relationships between the crew are only a few lines, if anything? like obviously in-universe they're all really close and griffin says that (time enough to grow indescribably close), but there's a lot we don't see. like, taako & barry, for example, have a handful of moments, lines we can point to that show they are really close (you're my family, taako, can i speak frankly?), but as far as actual screentime, there's really very little.

and even those i mentioned before, like, lup has more screentime with barry and taako than with anyone else, there's the whole little legato monologue about her and barry's relationship and she has (comparatively) a lot of scenes with taako, but also, as a character, she's only around for maybe a sixth of the show, so there's just not a lot of time to work with?

and that's not to mention the relationships we can figure were probably present in-universe, but literally never see, like lup & davenport. and on that note, i actually can't think of any other pairs who don't interact at least once, but still, very rarely. like now i'm considering davenport & barry. who we hardly see but there is the fact that barry cast command on him to drink the ichor. it's one line in the show and the implications are never really mentioned but there's a lot of significance to be wrung out of this one tiny interaction. barry condemns lucretia's methods of stealing agency from their family in the service of the greater good, but when he thinks it's best for davenport, does the same on a smaller scale? barry doesn't have the time to try to convince him to drink, he needs davenport back to himself now, because davenport is someone dependable, a leader, someone who barry knows will be capable and decisive and relieve him of the responsibility he's been shouldering by himself? that barry knows davenport won't begrudge his use of the spell, because he'll see it as pragmatic, necessary, assistance, and forgive him for it? none of that is necessarily supported in canon but it can be extrapolated from, again, kind of a throwaway line.

the non-thb crew have presence and are important to the narrative, but most of that comes from thematic significance rather than them as individuals, you know? we hardly see lup and barry and davenport (maybe arguably lucretia too, though we see more of her than them), but we see the echoes of their decisions and their goals and their love for the rest of their family and the way they shape the story.

but actually, even that's not entirely accurate, because as significant as they are in that way, their presence isn't only due to that, they're full characters too. they have personalities and depth and connection, they're not only plot devices. like, maybe griffin needed to explain why lup was missing, and that's why she became a lich, and her needing to be a lich is why she and barry had their romance, but also, if that were all there was to it, the legato monologue wouldn't exist, the best day ever wouldn't exist. those are scenes designed to build lup as a character through her connections to other characters and to the central themes of balance, not to fix plot holes. it's just that all of that character building takes place in a pretty small fraction of the show compared to tres horny boys, who have the entire thing. idk its interesting and impressive how some of the deepest characters and most profound relationships were developed in a very short amount of time

[lakesbian]

ok Worm Bigotry Breakdown in more detail for @silverflyingpikachu

tl;dr: author is Cishet White Guy From Canada In 2011. he ostensibly thinks he is progressive. this does not change his proclivity for tossing his Cishet White Guy From Canada Biases into the books and then saying even more bigoted things in defense of those writing decisions on forums. wildbow is just some cunt on the forums with bad opinions on wildbow's writing. the book is 1.7 million words long but i believe in my ability 2 categorize this shit with decent accuracy. everyone who has ever said worm's CWs can't be categorized, including wildbow himself, is a lying ass bitch. this will include some vague spoilers, because i can't really go in-depth without a few examples, but i'll stay away from anything too plot-critical.

racism:

- worm is fundamentally a book abt systems of power and the ways in which they suck. some of the critiques worm issues--e.g, its depiction of how school systems enable bullying, inspired by wildbow's own experiences w/ the school systems as a deaf kid--are viscerally accurate and incredibly compelling. but wildbow fundamentally doesn't understand how certain systems of oppression work--e.g policing--and subsequently, his attempts at depicting them occasionally fall flat onto their face and land in racist territory. this gets particularly nasty when combined w/ the White Guy Author propensity for racist stereotypes--for example, his chosen face of police brutality is a black girl portrayed as predatory & animalistic.

- who is also one of the only black people in the book overall, alongside--for example--an addict portrayed as having less interiority & being less deserving of empathy than A Literal Fucking Nazi. also, the main characters have to team up with the nazis "for the greater good" (defeating the mean asian villains) at one point. it is a mercy to the readers when this part of the story ends. - there are two black characters in the main cast. for the first, wildbow just Straight Up Forgot to include the most compelling aspect of their background + characterization in the text (it was provided via WoG instead, which i provide to all wormreaders like a fuckin' DLC patch when they get to where it's relevant) & entirely forgets they exist towards where the end of their character arc should have been. the second is introduced w/ the most misogynoiristic description on the planet but blessedly has a largely compelling and well-written arc as the book goes on. - depiction of china is just like. fox news level sinophobic "it's all a brainwashed indistinguishable evil cult" shit. not relevant for very long relatively speaking but insufferable to read. asian characters are also like. we got Brutal Yet Honorable Asian Man. we got Fiery Asian Girl With Blue Eyes. it fucking blows it's not good

- oh yeah forgot this one someone mentioned in the tags. #it's an insignificant paragraph and nobody talks about it but the part where it goes #“yeah literally EVERY cape in South America is with a cartel and the heroes are barely distinguishable from the villains” #fuck you #not that the others aren't bad the fatphobia gets really gross but nobody mentions this and that one got me so yeah typical Insufferable Awful Imperial Core Author Understanding Of What Other Countries Are Like - i could make this section one million bulletpoints long but the gist is summarized i think--wildbow's varied racist biases leak fucking everywhere, into character design, into narrative assumptions about who's deserving of interiority/empathy or not, into attempts at Saying Anything About Society, into which characters he prioritizes, into who he offers validity via the narrative, etc etc etc.

homophobia: - theres a girl named amy dallon in it and she is the worst lesbophobic stereotype ever known to man. no other Problematic Lesbian™ you can think of has anything on this girl. the worst part is that she genuinely has a decently compelling character concept and arc, which her being awful is integral to, so you might accidentally find her interesting anyway and then she'll move into your brain - wildbow kept accidentally writing characters that scan as massive dykes and then got really mad about f/f ships for the book being popular in the fandom. he responded by making a deranged forum post involving the phrase "pandering is pandering" insisting everyone (but the bisexual "hedonist") is straight and writing a scene into the book where one of the characters literally turns to the camera and tells the readers "not to get the wrong idea" about her hugging her friend. - over the course of 1.7 million words he finds excuses to loudly inform you that all of the relevant female characters are straight and it's sooo shoehorned in you can always tell when he's doing it - basically worm is like if naruto was about homoerotic teenage girls who do violent terrible things, in terms of levels of unintentional homoeroticism, and the author responds to ppl going "lmao gay" about the unintentional homoeroticism with poorly restrained seething rage

fatphobia: - generic brand of fatphobia you'll see in p much all mainstream media where only side/bg characters are fat and it's obliquely used as a descriptor to indicate that someone has negative personality traits or should be viewed as sort of gross

anti-addict shit: - wildbow generally likes writing about how social circumstances--i.e neglect from society, oppression, failure on behalf of systems--causes crime. he generally likes demonstrating the ways in which the villainous main characters are traumatized teenagers failed by society fumbling to keep existing & holding each other up through The Horrors. unfortunately all of this intelligent writing flies out the nearest window when addicts are involved. there is a gang comprised entirely of addicts, all of whom are portrayed as disgusting, violent, dangerous, and of course often racially stereotyped. it is a mercy to the readers when they're no longer relevant to the story. - on a more subtle level, characters are every so often just like. a little more anti-drug than they would realistically be and you can tell it's wildbow's opinions leaking into their characterization. this is largely what the anti-addict writing is kept to after The Addict Villains leave the story iirc.

if youre wondering wellwhy does anyone read this book then. to that i would say that unfortunately despite it all it'sa fucking excellent book. so we all carry on reading the parts that suck and thinking about how they suck and then reading the parts that fuck and going "ouuugh my god" and rolling down 20 flights of stairs about how hard they fuck.

[superspecial-awesome]

s0 queerosexual hcs. for pride month

basically my interpretation of the cast in this regard is that theyre a bunch of annoying queer teenagers who will never discover this about themselves because they live in 1990s japan and all think there's only gay and straight and that being the former is grounds to be beaten in the streets

Yugi: the only one who has his shit figured out. transmasc and bi and he plans on taking that to his grave. he has a strong preference for women though so that part never really comes up. "attracted to every woman ever and one guy i met at a gas station six years ago" disease. also bonus points anzu knows he's transmasc and helped him figure out binding and shit

Miho: huge lesbian but "oh no it's just that girls are objectively more attractive than guys everyone knows that, i just haven't met the right man yet, besides every girl wishes they could date women instead that's why bakura is so popular it's because he looks like a woman." I also like to imagine that in an ideal world, she'd fuck with genderfluidity

Bakura: aroace and agender transfem. he gives me he/it/any vibes. I think partly due to The Mega Autism he never really understood the deal with traditional masculinity so he feels disconnected from manhood as a whole and would be a lot more comfortable being able to exist as something entirely detached from gender. I also think the swarms of girls at all times made him view women as some sort of other species entirely and he's got a lot of deep-rooted misogyny going on about it, but tbh anzu and miho could fix him. and make him into the vague girlthing he always was

Anzu: Idk what label to slap onto her but I don't think physical appearance or gender plays any role in her being attracted to people at all. maybe like demiromantic asexual. but i dont think demi is the term im looking for. definitely ace though.

Honda: "WOW I LOVE BEING A MAN I LOVE WOMEN AND RULES AND ORDER I DON'T AT ALL FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED TO FIT MYSELF INTO A BOX THAT'S TOO SMALL FOR ME" and he believes that wholeheartedly and then wonders why he needs to constantly prove himself over things that don't matter to avoid his mental health crumbling to dust. I don't think he's trans though I just think he needs to chill out. also he's bi and poly and the single most useless hopeless romantic ever.

Jonouchi: bi but i think his refusal to accept that as a possibility has made him very aware of a lot of other things he has going on psychologically. like his homophobia has somehow made him a more self-aware and chill person. "honda put his hand on my shoulder for more than 0.5 seconds and my entire nervous system took a screenshot does this mean im g--wait no im just touched starved huh i wonder if that has ever impacted my poor decision making in the past." also him being used for the cartoon standard "guy wears girl clothes and likes it" joke is grounds for me to hc him as genderqueer. I could absolutely see him getting really into fem presentation.

Yami Yugi: gay gay homosexual gay

Kaiba: transfem in the super dysphoric way but will absolutely never find this out because any time she becomes remotely aware of something bothering her about herself she just looks in the mirror and says "no." i also wanna say arospec and aspec but idk she's fully either. i think if i wanted to give you an accurate idea of how attraction works for her i'd have to pull up the homestuck quadrants and i'm not joking.

Yami Bakura: agender is a way that's like "dude I'm a ghost in a ring who cares." If you called him a she he'd be like "what" and then after you got two words into explaining he'd go "nvm I underestimated the amount of shit I don't give about this." His sexuality is no time for dat goku

[bohemian-nights]

did you hear the rumor that nettles might not be played by a black woman? rumor is its rhianne barreto, shes white and a quarter indian

Unfortunately yes🤦🏽‍♀️ All I can say is that it’s mostly “fans” cheering this on and actively wanting her to be Nettles because for some reason tan equals brown, Black people are never brown-skinned or can be described as such, therefore Nettles definitely isn’t Black even though she looks like this in canon:

The casting speculation is based on social media follows which haven’t always been the most accurate. I mean people said that Jessica Brown Findlay was going to play Alys based on the fact that she started following some of the cast(and I believe some of the crew). We saw how that turned out🤷🏽‍♀️

There are actually two Black women that I know of who are following some of the cast. Corinna Brown(left) and Karla-Simone Spence(right).

Either would be awesome if they were/are Nettles, but for some odd reason hardly anyone has pointed this out and no one is making(sh!t stirring) Reddit threads or tweeting up a storm and saying that they are Nettles🙃

In the event that Rhianne, a tan woman, who in addition to not being black, up until like two years ago only ever identified as white🙃 is Nettles, well it’s bye-bye HOTD and this racist fandom for me✌🏽Yeah I definitely won’t be watching or supporting the show after all the anti-Black and especially anti-Black women stunts they have pulled.

I for one haven’t forgotten how they lit Laena on fire and tried to make it seem like it was the “feminist” thing to do(thanks Sara Hess and whoever else approved that mess😊) along with turning her into an unloved wife which wasn’t in the book(s) when she was a white woman🙃 Decisions which mind you a lot of the fandom went along with and feverishly approved of for reasons that we won’t get into☺️

Anyway, it’s all just speculation from (primarily) rabidly anti-Black fans. Until we actually get a confirmed casting nothing is certain🤷🏽‍♀️

[tsupertsundere]

HELLOO. i see you reblog a lot of hindi cinema!! i would love to watch more of it, what are your top 10 favorites?

🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍🤩😍

this might be my favorite thing I've received in my inbox.

wh I well I wh how could I possibly refuse hee hee hee hee

limiting this to hindi cinema helps!! or so I thought, before I went through several rounds of intense interrogation and several scribbled pages of notes and realized this just outs me as a baby shah rukh khan stan, which I am. I resisted every impulse to try to make the list broad and varied and kept only repeating 'what are your FAVORITES, what are your FAVORITES' and even then narrowing everything down was really painful... I feel like I've watched very many but then not very many at all.

There are another half-dozen more I had to cut with great anguish (Paheli, Ram-Jaane, the Don films) OMG EDITED TO FINISH MY FRIGGIN SENTENCE: BUT I PRESENT TO YOU AND TO ALL: VI TSUPERTSUNDERE'S TOP TEN:

Mohabbatein ("Love Stories", dir Aditya Chopra, 2000)

A young men's college ruled by a headmaster who disdains love--can one music teacher help three love stories grow, and let love tower above all? ✫ My first hindi film. Still can't think of a better introduction. Truly has it all. My favorite ghost story also!! ✧ Standout number: the three ingenues have an incredible dance sequence - it's the emotional climax of the film for me.

Kaho Naa... Pyaar Hai ("Say You Love Me", dir Rakesh Roshan, 2000)

When Rohit, an aspiring musician, meets Saxena, a rich bussinessman's daughter, his dreams of stardom glimmer right within his reach. Life has other plans. ✩ Hrithik Roshan's debut - and what a debut! My first introduction to a beloved facet of hindi cinema - double roles!! ✫ Standout number: The number that takes place in Cafe Indiana, Ek Pal Ka Jeena, accurately conveys how it felt like to go to a Rainforest Cafe when I was very young. Truly thrilling!

Muhjse Dosti Karoge! ("Will You Be My Friend!", dir Kunal Kohli, 2002)

Childhood friends Raj, Tina, and Pooja are caught in a classic love triangle - Pooja loves Raj, but he only has eyes for Tina. When he moves away, Pooja poses as Tina as they email back and forth and their friendship blossoms long-distance. A decision made in childhood brings problems to Pooja's doorstep - as they all graduate high school and become adults, Raj returns home... ✧ Rani Mukherjee and Kareena Kapoor are the real MVPs here - shining stars in every movie they're in. ✩ Standout Sequence: The medley, seen above, brought me to my fucking feet when we first watched it. The characters diagetically are singing these popular songs for each other at a wedding celebrations - each song's lyrics weave in and apply on multiple levels, depending on who knows what and what they mean, up to and including Hrithik Roshan reprising Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai! Genuinely one of my favorite sequences I've seen period on film, if I could ever put together anything half as layered I'd be patting myself on the back forever.

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham... ("Through Smiles and Through Tears", dir Karan Johar, 2001)

The wealthy Raichand family splits in half when elder son Rahul falls in love with a lower-caste girl and marries her - younger son Rohit watches his beloved brother disappear to England and the light in his home wither away. When he becomes an adult, he's determined to find his brother and unite them all again. ✫ These three fuckers as a dad and two sons just make a fascinating family together, let alone the kind of heavy hitting talent you get from Jaya Bachchan (indeed married to Amitji) and of course Kajol my beloved Kajol most of all. 'It's All About Loving Your Parents' is a much much much... much harder sell than I'm prepared to give - at the very least, it's all the drama I can watch in. ✫ Standout Sequence: Bole Chudiyan above is so much fun, of course, but Say Shava Shava is also a really great 'here's how fun things are when things are GOOD' establishing song. When Amitji says 'EVERYBODY' he is not asking!!

Those four films are a truncated highlight reel of the 8 or so films I like watching around the holidays!! They work really well together and I associate them with each other a lot.

Darr ("Fear", dir Yash Chopra, 1993)

Kiran Awasthi has a freshly minted college degree, a bus ticket home, a beloved boyfriend in the Navy... and a stalker. A young woman is slowly driven mad by a ruthless specter who will stop at nothing to be by her side. As she and her boyfriend escalate... so does he. ✧ Truly breathtaking. A breakout role for SRK, another hit cementing Juhi Chawla my fucking beloved Juhi Chawla as the OG expression queen. My favorite horror film. Rahul Mehra deserves to be in Dead By Daylight so he can fight Leon in a twink off. Simply the bloodiest there is. My Halloween costume next year. ✩ Standout sequence: Any time Juhi Chawla is on screen and I'm not kidding.

Chaahat ("Desire", dir Mahesh Bhatt, 1996)

When the father of a father-and-son comedy duo gets sick, his son, Roop, would do anything to secure the money he needs to restore his father's health. So when he catches the eye of a wealthy club owner's sister, he can't say no, no matter how much her desire consumes... ✫ Diametric opposite of Darr, now Shah Rukh Khan is the target!! As a carnivore girl lover I can't not adore it. ✧ Standout sequence: Chaahat Na Hoti, pictured above. This was the frame that made me sit up and go 'oh I have to... I gotta watch this movie right now. Right now.' And I was so right.

Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani ("Yet, I Have the Heart of an Indian", dir Aziz Mirza, 2000)

Ajay Bakshi is a hotheaded, loudmouthed reporter - a rival media network hires his counterpart and superior, Ria Bannerjee, to try to take him down. ✫ A gag-a-minute comedy with more gumflaps than brains, just like our lead. Juhi is heaven in this. I can only describe this as 'I think this is what the guy from American Psycho THOUGHT was going on.' Was a flop - came out right after Kaho Na... Pyaar Hai and couldn't compete - but it hits the zany button like nothing else. ✧ Standout sequence: The inventiveness of the sets in pretty much every song is my favorite. CONTENT WARNING: There is an awful anti-Chinese gag sequence at about the middle of the film. The two leads pose as Chinese reporters to get into somewhere, and it's just wall to wall racial caricatures. I hit that ff button through it myself, a truly unpleasant marring in an otherwise goofy-ass romp.

Chak de! India ("Let's go! India", dir Shimit Amin, 2007)

Can a disgraced former field hockey star turn 16 proud, contentious players from all over the country into one unified team as their coach? Can each young woman play her all on the field - for herself and for her team? ✩ A sports anime fit into one film, I wish it were several seasons long. Each girl is spectacular and is a joy to watch!! ✫ Standout Sequence: The character work is where this one shines. Bindiya Naik is my personal favorite (and not just because the instant I saw her performance I went 'omg, she's playing my OC almost exactly. I'd cast her in a heartbeat!)

Fan (dir Maneesh Sharma, 2016)

Aryan Khanna is the King of Bollywood. Gaurav Chandna is almost him, but not quite - knows everything about him by heart, uses him as the light in his life, and Gaurav even looks just enough like him to boot. All Gaurav wants is five minutes of his time. Just five minutes... ✩ Eminem's 'Stan' as a feature length thriller that literally no one else could make. I can only quote this letterboxd review, because it's right: "even if there was another celebrity who could pull off tearing himself open to splash his own imposter syndrome onscreen, they wouldn't dare try...happy birthday to the only actor good enough to make his fans sympathize with his own stalker". I was SO upset to learn that this flopped. ✫ Standout Sequences: the practical and special effects used to differentiate SRK's two roles bar none some of the best I've experienced - uncanny valley is real here, and half of the horror is the ALMOST. but not quite.

✫✧✩✫✧✩✫✫✧✩✫✧✩✫

While I followed a loose, non-ranking order for the preceding nine entries, I had to save the only possible film for number one:

Om Shanti Om (dir Farah Khan, 2007)

"30 years ago," irrepressible junior artist Om Prakash Makhija has only one dream grander than making it big in the film industry - to get a chance to act alongside his greatest inspiration, superstar Shanti. His wish comes true, but, well... some dreams, one lifetime is not enough... ✫ THE BEST MOVIE THAT EXISTS. THE BEST MOVIE THAT DOESN'T EXISTS. Don't believe me? Let these ladies convince you - when I learned that somehow The Coolest And Most Sparkling theater troupe on the face of the planet staged a production of this I literally got so lightheaded I couldn't see for a second. This movie came out when I was thirteen - if I had seen it then I think it would have made a huge difference. As it was, I saw it at the second most perfect time: when I was/am also a 30 year old irrepressible junior goofball, just like Om. Farah Khan is one of my favorite directors for certain. A film about the hindi film industry, I place it last also because the more faces you recognize, songs you can pick out, movie references you can catch, the better - and it's incredible even still. ✧ Standout sequence: I can't say the whole movie (... minus Deewangi Deewangi it's the Yakuza 4 of this movie) can I??? Let me just say - long story short, Farah Khan got the idea for this film when Andrew Lloyd Weber had her to choreography for his stage show, Bollywood Dreams. She thought the plot, a poor junior artist becoming a big Bollywood star, was eye-rollingly unrealistic. She could do better, she thought... and that idea eventually became Om Shanti Om. The climax is her proving she could do Phantom of the Opera better than him, too!!

✫✧✩✫✧✩✫✫✧✩✫✧✩✫

And, if you'll indulge me... in thanks for giving me a really fun thing to do today, I have one more film: one that I think you would like, based off of the vibes of the journal entries I got to read!

Veer-Zaara (dir Yash Chopra, 2004)

An Indian pilot and the daughter of a Pakistani politician fall in love, but are wrenched apart when the pilot is imprisoned on false charges. He languishes 22 years in prison, never saying a word, until a young Pakistani lawyer is assigned his case and she is determined to see him freed... ✧ Certified Mom Movie and is an absolute banger. When I thought 'who would be a character who I could see Estelle looking forward to meeting for lunch', Rani Mukherjee's lawyer was right at the top of the list. ✫ Standout Sequence: My personal favorite, Main Yahaan Hoon, is the song linked above. It drives me Insane absolutely Insane - this depicts 'they're not in the room but they're the only thing on your mind' in a way seldom more effective!

✫✧✩✫✧✩✫✫✧✩✫✧✩✫

omg NOW I'm done for eel. This was a terrific exercise in tilling the soil in my brain - I'm really inspired by the all visual direction, the colors and depths, the sensibilities in general exemplified by the movies here, and hope to one day reflect it in my own work! I have to make the Yash Raj reshade shaders I want to see in the world.

Please don't hesitate to drop me a line about anything you find interesting here, other movies you've seen, or anything else! Genuinely truly always love getting to see your work. Thank you for reading!

[howdoesagrapewrites]

Opinions on HBO Harley Quinn's show (spoilers ahead)

Disappointing. The decision to make Harley a hero, and not only that, but part of the batfamily, was already a bold one, it was already hard to execute right. So I won't blame Sarah Peters for (until now) failing to do that smoothly. I think there's three specific points that made me dislike this season

1. The lack of a dynamic and constant supporting cast: in the previous seasons, there were many cool subplots and characters that made the show entertaining and kept it from getting stale, one of my favorites was Joker's whole (you could call it redemption arc?) Of becoming a father and the major of Gotham, and Bruce's zombie parent thing. It was funny, unexpected and whacky, and that's kind of the whole spirit of the series, that it never took itself seriously, and created weird scenarios that you would never predict, it kept the character's personality enough to be an accurate caricature. So far we only got Alfred on Arkham (this was honestly gold, and we should've gotten so much content about this, but it has been mentioned once since chapter 3) and that sketchy Bruce Wayne DJ gig. I also think they've should given us a Talia-Damian episode, because Talia wanting to bond with her son and being so clueless is hilarious.

2. "We gotta prove we're adults now": what I dislike the most about adult animation is the need to constantly include sex and violence as if to reassure us that we're watching an adult show and we didn't accidentally turned on cocomelon. The show was violent and explicit since the beginning, but it was in a "we mock the canon typical violence by making it be gross and out of pocket" way and the sex jokes were funny like Fleabag's sex jokes are funny, because the main character is hypersexual and cannot keep things PG for the life of her, and it makes people around her feel unamused and done with her antics. But in this season it feels forced, and what I will say next is related to it

3. NIGHTWING, Nightwing as a whole in this season is horrible. The butt jokes in the first episode were "okay, this is funny because Harley keep bringing up sexual stuff when she's supposed to be serious, and makes a fool of herself" even the first episode was a little weird, but it was tolerable, it should've ended there. Dick Grayson is so overly sexualized and seeing a show that's supposed to be woke and shit keep making the most icky jokes ever, pathetic. This also goes for the "You're basically a cop and I have to make sure no brown person gets killed" line. Uncalled for, and distasteful, see, the reason why a joke like that could be tastefully delivered, is if your social commentary were actual social commentary (something that this show has done before) and not a "look how political we are" one-liner that will never be looked into. If not, you're just being an asshole.

I'd say the only good thing in this season is Talia, if they hadn't whitewashed both her and Damian. So the most salvageable thing is Alfred, he stays strong.

[thinenotthee]

Ro's Treatise on Makishima Shogo

I have been into Psycho-Pass for about ten years now. It is the second or third anime i ever watched and it has had a vise grip on me since. I rewatched the first season a countless number of times before finally biting the bullet and watching the rest. I am rewatching the first season again. From the beginning, I have never liked Makishima Shogo.

Preface: I historically do not like villains. They can be the most interesting character ever but I'm like "they do bad things so they suck and I don't like them." No hate to people who do like them, I have just never really been one of them.

I have never been involved with a media that loves its villain as much as people who watch Psycho-Pass love Makishima Shogo and it makes me crazy! I think for a lot of people watching Psycho-Pass, Makishima represents a character type that we don't see often in media: guy who challenges the status quo in the same way we as the audience do. Many of the people I talk to about Psycho-Pass cite Makishima as their favorite villain because he’s “right,” or because he’s “challenging the system.” Or to cite myself from a few years ago, “All the dudebros are like ‘he thinks so deeply about society and really questions it’ and I'm like dude that's everyone in Psycho-Pass, including you, the viewer of Psycho-Pass.”

Because the fact of the matter is, Makishima’s not right about anything.

Sure, Makishima observes and acts upon the depravity of Japan's society under the Sibyl System, and makes active attempts to undermine it. Ederlyn Peralta of CBR states, “[Makishima] has a vision of how the world should be, making him an appealing character to viewers.” However, I think a more accurate assessment is that Makishima has an idea of what the world should not be. He does not work to undermine the Sybil System for the good of common people. He does it in a self-serving manner to prove that he is right and society is wrong. He wants to watch the world burn and not do anything about what happens after it. He has no plans to protect the people in said society after the upheaval, evidenced by the fact that his goals are to get people to kill each other, and then starve the country by destroying its primary food source. He sees the members of Japanese society as worthless sheep unworthy of his protection.

And we see what happens to people once he decides they are no longer worthy of his protection or involvement! During the Spooky Boogie case, we see Makishima immediately discard Masatake Mido after he deems him uninteresting. The same thing happens to Rikako Ouryou. He discards people in the same way the Sibyl System does. Once they no longer serve his purposes or prove a liability to him, he gets rid of them. He is judge and jury and proxy (if not actual) executioner, just like the Sibyl System.

And yet I'm supposed to believe he's got something right?

I think this would be less infuriating if Makishima was the only member of the cast criticizing the Sibyl System. However, as I stated before, everyone is criticizing the system! The entire show exists as a criticism of the Sibyl System! Kogami hates it, Akane has made it her life mission to question and critique it, every cast member that we get to talk to for more than a few minutes has their critique of the System. And these are people who work directly in service of it! So I cannot find it within myself to stand with Makishima's thoughts and declare him right in any matter.

Akane has a beautiful line in episode 20 where she says that anyone can decide they want to look for happiness anytime they want, as long as they are alive. Makishima has given up on the promise of human potential in the same way, and has decided unilaterally who he thinks is capable of pursuing higher thought. But that's not his decision to make.

TLDR: Makishima Shogo makes my blood boil and I am tired of him. Good riddance.

[panpanpanini]

detco salt. moonlight sonata remake rant below

forewarning that i am a staunch funi-dub enjoyer and fell in love with this show in the first 50 episodes (and still consider the early show to be superior)

-

broke sequence and watched detco episode 1000/1001 yesterday, and not to be a negative nancy but jfc i think i would've been pissed if i had tuned in to watch that on premiere day.

maybe i set myself up for failure expecting anything more (especially given my very low ceiling for ridiculous anime shenanigans) but for transparency's sake i watched the tubi dub (👎) with my brother, since we grew up watching and loving the funi dub version. ooh man did we think it sucked

remaking moonlight sonata at this stage in detco is only a good idea on paper bc it's sentimental. that's literally all it has going for it though. it didn't hold a candle to the original, not even close, not in translation/writing or voice acting, not in animation or color or background or music direction. it was so so bad, the kind of bad that cuts so deep disappointment turns to insult. rigid and stilted, environments feel sterile and vacant and weirdly huge (this is a uniquely me criticism of modern detco lol, absolutely fuckin MASSIVE environments), all sense of small town superstition and tension are gone, no time is spent even acquainting with narumi and so i felt nothing when his identity and status as the killer is eventually revealed, let alone when he self-immolated. and coming off of that, conan himself barely feels like a character. the funi dub does a stellar job of cementing shinichi as the overarching narrator of the series both in writing and in the decision to dub conan's inner monologue with his "true" voice, so while the tubi dub is already at a disadvantage in that regard there's next to no framing of the situation by him otherwise and it just kind of feels like we're flies on the wall in the most boring way possible. this isn't to say the original, subbed or dubbed, is a masterpiece of high art or anything, it just knows what it wants to do and it does it well enough to get you invested in it. there's a reason it's an iconic case, right? in the remake, you just don't get the sense that conan is invested in the case or moved by any of the ominous circumstances at all. it's so fucking weird because he should be the audience surrogate for these cases and instead it's flat and the opposite of immersive. maybe it's harsh of me to say but dare i say it's incompetent. absolute night and day compared to the original, even if you remove the dub variables.

speakings of dubs. i don't know any japanese so i have no meaningful input as to whether or not the tubi dub is a more """accurate""" translation than the funi dub but i'm firmly of the opinion that 1:1 translations belong exclusively to subs. there's way more at play in a dub than just "accurate translation" and i can't fucking tell you how awful the tubi dub is all around. it's just so wooden. i'm sure the cast are capable actors and the rigid writing was more than bogging them down but every time a name was said i made a face. every time a character spoke like a wired informant i made a new one. have the writers ever heard real people converse with each other before? does whoever was in charge of voice direction know what good performances sound like? nobody talks to each other the way the people in this dub do!! christ on a stick

(as an aside, people have pegged my criticisms of anime shows as 'expecting too much realism' but in my defense [1] detco likes to treat itself as a show that--compared to its other big-name modern shonen counterparts-- exists mostly within the bounds of real-life rules and [2] people talking to each other transcends expectations of realism. the show already expects me to think of it within a certain box and i'll eat my hat if you or other people in your life normally talk to each other like they're wearing a wire, repeating everything that's said to them like someone is on the other side of the glass)

overall verdict 1/10. mid episode for the late 900s/early 1000s era piggybacking mostly off nostalgia and good intentions but horrifically executed outside of that bubble and especially in comparison to its predecessor and the legacy thereof. extremely underwhelming and upsetting thing to put out as a commemorative special. i'm not impressed, but i'm not mad either - i'm just really, really sad

[ramblingdisaster73]

4x05 Thoughts

So we were right saying O’Brien’s nephew was the bomber – yay

Oh, murder – nice little head shot for the nice hiker dude.

There goes Owen with his celebrity references – he always talks about movies or celebrities – especially when trying to talk someone into something or when he is in a position he is actually inexperienced in – (ex: 3x12 Stakeout & whatever one he used this season already)

I love Mateo

Paul’s face at Owen’s “You would look smokin hot on my bobber” was priceless.

I love that they ALL think that the complaint is one – against Owen & two – from Pearce.

She has a beautiful voice

The interview montage was great

“Bam Bam” Nancy Gillian

I think Nancy and Mateo now share a brain cell – they were so similar to each other in the interviews

“Do we know each other” – pinged all the ‘this is Paul’s love interest’ bells – INSTANTLY

I like TK saying “He would never do something stupid like that again” – it was the again part – immediately followed by Paul’s “Did he do something stupid again?” in the most resigned voice.

I understand the whole it not being right to call the lady crazy – and an apology is a pretty reasonable request – the rest – NOT AT ALL

I love Captain Owen Strand – the man that backs his crew – supports their decisions – this is the Owen I can get behind – this is where he excels.

I didn’t think the mother appeared inebriated, but I wasn’t totally sure on what was going on – I have had similar things happen to me with my migraines – so I thought it would be something neurological.

The temporary relief that Cap wasn’t in trouble – followed by Marjan telling them she was – they all did that so damn well.

Marjan and Owen always kill their scenes together – they do truly have so many similarities (I think she is more like him than TK is, and I think that Owen sees that too)

So, the only one that knew that the dude came to the firehouse was Marj, who is now conveniently gone – hmmm

Fucking stalker Honor Dogs Bomber dude

This dude is already a better stalker than Sadie was

I do feel like he has some real hesitation on what he is doing – like he is being forced.

Or he is a pretty good actor and is selling the hesitation to me really well.

I love that they handled Grace getting personally involved in a case VERY differently than the OG one did with Maddie.

I like that a central theme in this show overall (intentional or not) is that we should follow or at least listen to our instincts & to look further into something that we question.

Was one of the tests for casting the main characters a wide range in facial expressions – no matter the situation? Because this cast kills them all.

Owen showed a lot of growth – he didn’t punch the bearded fuckwad in the HR office

Seriously though – how is he not in jail? Such an accurate representation of the United States judicial system.

I hate him – like more than I did Billy at the end of Season 2.

He is abusive right? Like the red flags could fill a football field.

His ‘wife’ looks so uncomfortable

I love Marjan

I hate fuckhead beard face & his wife

Fuuck their gofundme – you lost your shit because you quite literally lost your shit

I LOVE that Marj talks to Paul, Mateo, & Nancy about this

I love Nancy immediately supporting her

I also think it’s hilarious that they are at Owen & Mateo’s house

Grace being so distracted, but replying was so great

She almost got herself out of it

I love them so much

Charlie is adorable

Ever the supportive husband

“A big scary man”

“I thought you’d be old.”

The twins are great – nice to see them teaming up on Mom

Tommy saying what we all were “Why aren’t you calling 911?”

I love seeing Grace lose her shit – not be in control

Interesting – in 4x04 we saw Carlos “Control Freak” Reyes lose all control, now in 4x05 we see Grace “calm & cool” Ryder lose all control in the field instead of at her desk – and both played it so well

I am with Judd & the kid on coconut in candy bars

I love the Tommy & Grace relationship

It feels real, organic and relatable

I like that Tommy tells Grace how much she does help – how important her role is in the whole first responders world.

So as soon as I saw bomber stalker in the apartment, I knew it would burn or blow – just didn’t expect it to be in the very next scene.

It’s so fucking horrible that two greedy grifting douchebags made her doubt her instincts to much

So, did Owen see the bomber stalker or not? It looked like he did, but??

So punching is better than talking?

I love that Paul went to file a report against the department

I love that she knew Paul pre-transition

I enjoy how observant he is.

I hate it when you know someone from somewhere, but can’t figure out where the hell you know them from

I love the support that Paul and Marjan have for each other

The FD chief is a dick – also I am pretty sure any suit filed by those idiots would be thrown out due to their own actions.

“Please wish her luck with whatever she decides” Asha to Paul – Paul – ‘yeah, I already know what she will be doing”

I am so happy Marjan stuck to her personal morals.

Owen’s reactions while watching the video were great

I agree with Marjan

I can’t wait to see what her journey brings

Just wonder if it will be until 4x09 til we see her again?

He wanted to sell it so bad to Clarke, but tries to talk Marj out of it.

The goodbye for now scene is beautiful

TK looks amazing in that sweater

Mateo will be such a helicopter dad

I am happy that I was wrong with Marjan getting hurt due to Owen’s involvement with the Honor Dogs/FBI – they really had me wondering all the way til the end credits.

You do NOT need to buy another bike – unless it is a bicycle or maybe even a unicycle if you want to be challenged. Not too many criminal organizations in the unicycle community

[solardick]

Some progress, maybe.

So K belongs to the chariot. With an overlay of justice and strength as harmony, though that card here proceeds the chariot with любовь. Should also be people, life and…. lion works. That waite’s card doesnt well describe a multitude.

Hanged the high priestess around too, but didn’t nullify one of the positions.

And so far, i have nothing but confirmation that the tarot is based on the Cyrillic alphabet. Particularly russian but, that is the only particular being looked at. Because well, russians are all spies and its deeply routed in pop media.

The chariot stands for in a word, politician. Holder of office. Public speaker, equestrian, enclosed space, and movement and battle. These are the literal definitions for letter K taken from a dictionary and not of my own. Just placing the card where. Though for it to be connected by tarot to the justice card, American justice, is fitting to a point considering a figure of authority. Save that the russian justice is card letter Ю. And is found no where near K. As it is for tarot being side by side.

Soeakign of the urkraimeian war, it’s like they’re all pretending to be russia on me while. My disposition is on ukraine, with no backing. At all. Quite the opposite of all. Uh. Ohweel. The homoscope says im supposed tonhave a day of confiendence and whatever bs. But the disease says nope. While the meds i got from the none english speaking doctor with bvery little comprehension say, it only works half the time. If that. Where there are no recognitions or reflections of any of the positive affirmitnf things i do. And only support and affirmations of the negative things i do in respose to the negative things i experienve from them. While spending a life time of witnessing , wathhinc other do far worse things and be rewarded or cast a blind eye too. Its mind boggling. An entire planets casting a war of ittrition in me with sexual

Abused, emotional and soychologicak abuse and negligence. Whike being serrounded by degenerate influences. Casting aid. Cant eait for saterday for another consistent case of diarrhea and gi track discomfort. Well that atttrition ear is over 25 ulyears old now with 14 year leading into that with mistreatment and estrangement. And all of mostly the same bs. Im goiing to go back and theeaten nuclear arms with my suicide. So can be abuse some mor e.. what a mind fuck. Lets see if i give up tarot that the abuse will end. Hahhah. Ok. Hey look! Im dhtting more blood. But thats ok. Its only my life. Not that that has ever mattered before. And the ffeling went away for maybe an hour or so yesterday. Go to go to work and be estranged and a used some more. Thats ok its the only thing ive ever known from other people.

Verified card letter M as the father to be unquestionably accurate. Set in stone. As for the tarot overlay. Its the wheel card, and the only thing missing from Cyrillic M is the machination, the automobile.

The next card of the hierophant or in this case tge patriarchate. Is an interresting find. Wherher it is kept on letter Hn or not. “ In 2018 the Moscow Patriarchate broke communion with the Ecumenical Patriarchate as a result of disputes over his decision to grant autocephaly to the Orthodox Church of Ukraine.” Schism between Constantinople and russia. Pretty much running independently from the rest. Though this is a present tense, it also fits the classic tense of the antiphony agsisnt protestant churches reformations and deviations which ran all thtough the “dark” ages. And on the side of ukraine rejecting the pope francis’ concerns. And to that also of most westerners rejection of the church completely with their hippy vibe lunar landing bs. So the pope or the hierophant or the patriarchate mostly receive a big letter Hn, cyrrently no, by most tarot reading enthusiasts.

And yet no one seems to care about the israel war with over 50 000 deaths during the last 2 years alone. What makes russia so special tonhave half the world interfering? Or the sudanese war or the Myanmar war. Somw of these going on for over 60 years with death tolls in the 10s of thousands. Pretty sure this collective wffort could have completly haultes all these other wars a ling time ago. So damned with all this selective approach bs preaching about world peace. Nonone ever joined my side when an older bigger stranger brother hit on me. Whats the difference? My country is a waste land of destruction and bombings with a bunch of perverts running through the desolation fucking all the dead dogs.

So im choosing the etteila cartes des dames death card for letter У(oo) seems fitting as the letter Y is the automatic association and confusion in recognition. Though i could also fit the Hn card. The letter Hn is a big letter comprised of many words. And so far as with Ha and He it’s negation. But also upwards. Si both fot so far. But it’ll be a bit longer to condense them all into a single image so. Its still open. Though the nakedness of letter Hn does fit the death card well enough. As does it fit with letter У. Being confused with the judgement card. But the omen of the crow standing below the home. Isn’t well felt. As also it being above the stars or canopy card doesnt sense well either. As the pope, patriarchate card is fully dressed in think garment. Doesn’t suit the bareness. Beyond the openness and nakedness of ones spirit and/or soul to the power above. So argument fits for withe rletter so far as it seems. And thoughi coyld oersonaly fit either or argument from experience. As does the lover card fit the pope and death card equally in the same argument as above.

All the stars with the power and teaching of the father to the throne up above, does speak the message. Doesn’t it.

The other position for debate is letter Oo for the death card. And that fits well for the marseille fool above walking on crows. For below would be argued the traditional moon card. But inwanted to change it from the ominous negativity that it has. There being no romance in that card as the moon is also known for but tarot fucks it with the grotesqueness of failure seeping up from the depths with the sensation of akwardness or violation. What kind of message is that? .. soh no my vagina is bleeding again. Don’t touch me a gross. Give me icecream and rub my feet. Its one of those two or its lunar madness. As with changing one of the dogs to a wolf to make that impression clear. Leave it to the americans to go get fucked on lsd and land on the fucken thing. Plant a flag and take pride in it. Ugh.

Sanctions against china for not supporting nato and continuing to trade with russia. In the biggest war effort in Europe since ww2 lol. Jesus. There’s bigger wars not happening in europe at the present moment with even more casualties. China os apart of an ally coalition group called brics. 5 major world nations and other smaller ones not getting a letter in the groups name. Brazil, russia, india, china and south Africa. Look at these assholes playing nice guy, dictating the rest of the world. Of course they’re going to trade with russia. Even more now since america is cutting off their metal trade with them. Now, china has to stop? Harm the economy? While they produce world wonders? Go eat a fucken turd.

Im not so sure anymore on letter Мм. Cause letter Оо suits the same image…

« China on Tuesday urged NATO to "stop shifting blame" over the Ukraine war after the Western military alliance's chief accused Beijing of worsening the conflict through support of Russia.

NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg on Monday called for China to face consequences for what US officials have called a major export push to rebuild Russia's defence industry.

On Tuesday Beijing said that NATO "should engage in self-reflection rather than arbitrary smear and attacks on China".

"We advise (NATO) to stop shifting blame and sowing discord, not add fuel to the fire and instigate confrontation, but rather do something practical for the political settlement of the crisis," foreign ministry spokesman Lin Jian said at a regular press briefing. »

Love itbwhen they manipulate you. Took special note of the venus aspect today and again they attach it to the feminine and create a stressful conclusion. Sonindaid fuck it. Im leaving. I see what your doing. Go blow a bag of dicks. Mines off limits. Want anothe rdig to fuck?

Flipped off by jesus. For when they manipulate the entire enviroment to be solely based of your horroscope. Wouldnt be so bad if you knew there was a single postive thing in it.

Im gratefuk that with russias influnece im learning a third language. But, ich spreche ein bisschen dutch. And opened a new script. Or better said unlocking the script already in effect. And thats fun. Wonder of i change jobs again if these fucktoys are just going to fallow me or waiting for me to fuck around again. And it makes it easy if the work environemnt is varible which gives then freedom to control my experiences.

Gove and help give and help and all they do fuck the dog.

Pls. The russian have enough armaments and firepiwer to fire off bomb all day wveryday for the next decade. The same tactics thevr been playing on me fir thelast 20 fycken years. Probably nust making sire the next outter planet hits has heavily as posiible in the direction the want. Conserign the last 39 year so of my life being own by assholes. Its not going to be a good thing.

Womder who that girl was wispering in my ear this morning.

So woke with a loving kiss to my wife. And met a new clerkess. Pretty redhead. Have that aversion to them. Because of that cursed blood. It was nice. Then the effeminate foreigner pretending to be straight but is obviously a woman, was waiting for me at the punch card. Asked me hiw i was. Responded as usual. Still alive. The rest if the day was “venusianly” pleasant. Even though, im still damaged. And at the end last minute it was arranged to be as frustrating as possible to after the bell and my stock was put away and the lift stationed was placed not to have room to park. Considering i had to deive the lift the whole time because there weren’t any jiggers left. Which makes maneuvering slow and wasteful anf then the guy i was with left. So, i parked the lift crossed infrint of all the others. Hang my prder back i. The office amd left. The exact words were do what you can. Or get what you can get done. And i did. Not dealing with that. With the venus mars semi-square. On a task that isnt possible to get done on time given at the last minute. Then i step out and alarms and sirens going off rushing to nowhere most likely. Making a show.

The only thing i take away from that was thta i was meant to be a first responder soeeding down the highway in an ambulance saving lives. ..damn it inwas havig appeasant conversation but jow i got to cut it short. Sorry love i have to go save some dumb ass’s life. Get out of the fucken way im driven here. Can tyou hear my sirens. Fuck you, learn to drive. Get off the road someone dying here!

Somi gave up on the whole homoscope bs whne i realized they were inly using it to manipulate my life at walmart to their own ends by controlling my environment to its script exclusively. Yeah ok, sure. Using every loophole in the system, to break all the humanitarian rules while still being “innocent”. Seems like by the same type of people running nato right now. Evil hiding behind good mannerism and polite speech like the good fallen angel lucifers they are. Promoting and selling drugs and booze and porn on every street corner. And funding wars killing thousands while accusing everyone else for doing the same while turning a blind eye to all the others.

You know what atrocious thing russia coukd do to anger people? Blow up the St. Michael's Golden-Domed Monastery in kiev. But since it isnt a protestant church it’s probably safe from persecution. Vladimir is living up to the name. For it was a vladimir who addopted christioanity im the 10th century and it was a vladimir who amended the law to prohibit the banning of the four major traditional religious bodies. While also erecting a religious symbol infront of the kremlin, promoting and giving freedom to theological belies. As long as the arent western or protestant. Because protestants fuck the world. I don’t know i was raised protestant. Then that was given up and i was introduced to the devil emmidiatly afterwards so…. I believe in god. I just don’t have a church. Neither doni need one apperently cause god talks to me. I dont need to go searchign or praying to it. Beyond the benefits of positive affirmations. The devils Will, as i have learned is seem in the clouds. But god is seen on the earth. In the little thigns no one pays attention to. Somi dont mnow what the bivle is talkign aboutnof jesus and angels decemding from the clouds. That obviously isnt the case. I can enumerate all the times these fucks tards used “prphetic portents, pretending to be god.” Fucken losers.

I also scared some little girl from a strong religious family straight one day recently. She was going on about exploring spiritual stuff and mentioned naively that would be like witchcraft. And i stoped turned around and started talkign about spiritual omens, and that its ok to worship nature. like the crows as one starting cawing off in the background, saying when you hear that, you better run! As she was biking off, running away from the encounter. Scared. She ain’t going to forget that. Because it was true. I spoke with the crows. It will stay with her and shape her life to come. You’re welcome family.

There was another time of a guy wearing a cross, driking a beer after work just before getting into his truck, i watched a crow fly directly over his truck and when he left got into a frnder bender (light bump) into the trailer hitched to the backnof his truck and he got out, pissed. And started giving back to the kidxm. As a stood there and eatched the whole thing. And then there was cherry in her guise of bs. Wearing a cross around her neck, working the brothels and showing shame, whether that strue or not…. And that while time it was a big game of back and forth running each other in. As I worked that angle over on her. Condemning it and her actions on that degree. The impression of sex and violence on sinful ways. You can’t use a cross like that and intentually insult it without consequences. Save that in that workd of the esoteric buttloving, hedonistic astrologers and taroist. Beign as dumb as they are, don’t look too kindly at that kind of thing and support the degenerative with hostility. Like a bunch of losers.

On that account with the cross behind Vladimir. Why everyone uses his last name. And not his first. Will show on the theological level what outcomes plays out on his person. For if he is true than there is nothing to fear. And so far the west has dine nothing but bs the news since it started. Not only the news but all outlets of information. Speaking lies and slights. Every move made is, put down with accusations and unfounded bs. Its fucken ridiculous. And i lose more and more respect for the “western” world leaders by the day. The other candidate making his move is trump again with more bs. With “if im realected, ill withdrawn all aid to Ukraine” or mr. Tv celebrity with nothign but derogatory press. Its still a loss on that account. And on it goes with the social engineering. Barf. Good job, playing peoples naivety and stupidity to your advantage. So mich for “in god we trust”.

Save for none of this matters much because its all an inside job anyway. All those russians playing on stranger things. And the villain in everything else. Though it’s good to see smallville. With russian influences seen in a more postiive neurral light. Well considering its a sourthen state thing.

I guess this confirms letter Hn being the pope card/lover.

And looks like ill be needing meds the rest of my life. With this constant downer and lacknof self care, and discomfortvand this attention. Its not getting better.

[berryyuni]

to all the boys i've loved before - an enhypen fanfiction series

you write a letter when you get a feeling so intense that you can’t hold it in anymore. these letters are your most inner, personal thoughts that were kept safe in a little blue box that you stored in the top of the shelf. so how is it that heeseung convinced you to fake date him, jaeyun wrote your letter back, sunoo came out to you, and jungwon stop talking to you?

the blue box is missing and so are the four letters that you stamped and wrote their addresses on. 

casting .ᐟ - reader as lara jean, heeseung as peter kavinsky, jake as john ambrose, sunghoon as reader's older brother, jungwon as josh sanderson, jay as greg, sunoo as lucas, ni-ki as kitty | ft... yunjin as chris, chaewon as gen

directors' note .ᐟ - hello everyone! we are proud to announce that @j4keluver and i are doing a collab!! we will be making a series based on netflix's "to all the boys i've loved before" series. disclaimer: this is not an accurate representation of the series, we try to incorporate many details from them. this is our version of the series :) so we hope that you enjoy reading this as much enjoyed writing it <3

if you would like to be added to the taglist, click here !

₊˚⊹♡ 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀 𝗶'𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲; ; 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗺 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗻, 𝗶 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 | wc: tbd

when you were a little girl, your mom would tell you the classic old tale bed time story of “princess and prince happy ever after.” she would talk about how lovely it is once you find “your prince,” the one who truly loves you for who you are. ever since then, you were hooked on romance novels - and finding the picture perfect boyfriend.

your older brother sunghoon, would roll his eyes at you, stating that “all men are disgusting shits and the only boy you can talk to is me.”  you would just wave him off and stick your tongue out that him, saying how he’s just mad that he hasn’t gotten a girlfriend and he mumbles a “whatever.”

the only issue with trying to find a boyfriend was that you DID NOT know how to express your intense feelings. so that’s when you started to write letter. these letters were the most intimate things you’ve probably ever written in your life besides smut on tumblr. there were four of them in total.

lee heeseung, your 7th grade crush and first kiss

sim jaeyun, your partner in model UN

kim sunoo, from homecoming

and

yang jungwon, your next door neighbor

teaser

play...

₊˚⊹♡ 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀: 𝗽.𝘀. 𝗶 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 | wc: tbd

after the whole fake dating fiasco, you and heeseung seem to be doing perfect until it wasn’t.  a new problem snakes its way into you and heeseung’s relationship; jaeyun wrote back. yeah, remember the letter you wrote years ago but was sent out by your little brother who thought was doing you a massive favor? yes, that one. you had no idea THE jaeyun would write back. you really did not need this right now especially since you and heeseung are in a good place.

there was two ways you could deal with this; respond to the letter or ignore it and pretend that it doesn’t exist. the two options lead to one option for your relationship; don’t tell heeseung. it’s not that you didn’t want to but everything was so good right now. why ruin it with a letter that probably only talks about jaeyun’s acceptance into NASA as a quantum physicist… right?

play...

₊˚⊹♡ 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀: 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 | wc: tbd

your recent trip to korea made you realize two major things; you have go to start learning more korean besides duolingo and you can’t be away from heeseung too long. the countdown till graduation has started and with college decisions coming around the corner, life was falling into the perfect book ending.you knew heeseung’s dream school was stanford;  it’s always been stanford. with his good GPA, athletic abilities, and extracurricular, it’s not shock that he gets accepted. you get ready to open your letter. this was it. you guys were going to be high school sweethearts that turn into college sweethearts that turn into husband and wife.

that whole image comes crashing down when you see that you’ve been rejected and the only thing on your mind is how are you going to tell heeseung? heeseung keeps pestering you about your status until you do what you do best when nervous : lie. he’s bouncing off the walls when you tell him, it’s all he can talk about. he starts to plan how much to deposit for your shared apartment on your senior class trip to new york city !

whoopsie, how are you gonna tell him that you DIDN’T get accepted into stanford and that nyu, a college almost 3,000 miles away, is becoming your dream school?

play...

this is a work of fiction. it does not depict any of the artists in any way, shape. or form. ©berryyuni and j4keluver, all work is written by us. do not copy or repost

[tea-with--honey]

Hey OP, sorry to hijack your post and if anything I say here ends up harming the arguments you made in your post then please feel free to DM me so I can take this down. I just really needed to rant and ramble.

Here Lies Love is absolutely NOT a musical to support on Broadway, even if the show was majorly reworked and became undeniably anti-Marcos AND historically accurate. Even if everybody who walked out of the theatre walked out knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Imelda Marcos was a Bad Person it still wouldn't be enough.

A lot of my points here take direct inspiration from this comment on reddit which is definitely much more eloquent than the rant I'm about to embark in. It also includes how Filipinos have been and are being affected by the Marcos family. Please read it.

There is so so so much misinformation in the Philippines and something like Here Lies Love would be soooo easy to frame as something supporting Imelda Marcos. I mean it's a big Broadway show with all the glitz and glamour in New York, with music by David Bryne and Fatboy Slim, with an all-Filipino cast AND Lea Salonga. And who is its Protagonist? Imelda Marcos. It would be so easy to make a post highlighting all of those things but ignoring its apparently 'Anti-Marcos' message. Headlines are probably the thing that spreads the fastest on social media like facebook where many Filipinos get their news. With this kind of show, a headline like "Broadway Musical about Imelda Marcos featuring an All-Filipino Cast Finds Success Among Audiences" is inevitable.

Even if the musical was reworked to have a more obvious 'look at all the bad stuff the Marcoses have done' approach, its main selling points do not include that at all!!! Not to over generalize, but the average Filipino would not have the time to look up the plot and the message of this show, to listen to its soundtrack and to hear what it says. The actual people who are most affected by the Marcoses and need to hear the anti-Marcos sentiment the most, will probably never even have the chance to ever see the show and be affected by its message! They'd most likely just see a post about 'The cool Broadway musical about Imelda Marcos' and assume it's something painting Imelda in a positive light. (Hell, I'm actually a musical theatre fan and for the longest time I thought Eva Peron was a GOOD PERSON because I vaguely knew about Evita and knew it was a big Broadway show with Patti Lupone so the main character *must* be a good person.)

I'm just repeating points from OP here but we REALLY do not need anything that could paint the Marcos family in a positive light. Especially now when we literally have a Marcos as president and Imelda Marcos is still very much alive and kicking. Not when millions of Filipinos are misinformed and continue to support the Marcos regime, not knowing that they are contributing to the suffering they and their fellow Filipinos are facing. None of these people actively want to make their lives worse!! Its misinformation that tricks these people into believing that they should sympathize with and support the Marcos family. Because of the media, many of my educated, intelligent, compassionate and even progressive family members and friends genuinely believe they improved the lives of the Filipinos.

I wanted to support this show and it's cast so much but I just cant. Nothing against the actual cast here but the fact that a musical like this could become mainstream is not going to the help Filipino citizens who actually have to deal with the Marcoses.

edit: not saying that all filipinos who support marcos are entirely victims of being misinformed because a lot of these filipinos are in the position to do their own research and make better decisions but when misinformation is everywhere and algorithms like the ones on FB tend to give you content from the same biased sources it makes it more difficult to tell what the truth is. And again having a musical from a Western perspective (a perspective that should theoretically be a bit more detached from the cycle of misinformation and can see the facts) show sympathy for Imelda is not the best look.

don't support here lies love the musical as it comes to bway

my post on here lies love is getting rounds and while i still stand by everything i said on that post, my grievances with the musical has Grown in the last couple of weeks of me researching about it. granted, i still need to do more— i want to do an essay on it in the future because i would hate for it to run on broadway for long, but because that takes time, i thought, at least, i would need to make a post detailing what i find wrong about this musical. even if it's not the most comprehensive, i want more people to be informed about it as soon as possible.

so, have this. ramblings at 5am. i'll try my best to gather sources, but information i have regarding the marcoses comes from a lot of non-digital resources like classes, museums, and physical books. in this case, i recommend the following resources to learn more about who the marcos family is and what they did:

"the kingmaker" by lauren greenfield. native filipinos can watch this free on youtube, but if you aren't from the ph i recommend using a vpn to access it or find a pirated version somewhere else

online martial law museum

if you can buy it, "some are smarter than others" by ricardo manapat, a book detailing marcos' crony capitalism and all his faults

i'd also like to preface: i am not a saint. i am not a historian nor the smartest person who can detail everything marcos did when he was born. i'm trying to do my best with what i know, and i am down to learn more if others want to chime in.

lastly, here's a fresher on the names of people involved, because it can be confusing:

ferdinand marcos — i will try my best calling him ferdinand but most people, including myself, often call him just "marcos" despite the fact that they technically all are marcoses. he was the president from 1965-1986

imelda marcos — i will refer to her as imelda. wife to ferdinand and contributed a lot to his reign of terror. she is still alive today.

bong bong marcos — son of ferdinand and imelda. his name is often shorted to bbm, which i will use. he is currently the present of the philippines

ninoy aquino — marcos' main rival who he indirectly murdered. not a perfect guy tho, just the lesser evil. i will just call him ninoy

now, onto the real deal:

thesis statement, so this can be easy to follow: despite the intentions of the musical being anti-marcos, much of how it is written and presented will inevitably become propaganda to brighten the image of the marcoses. by putting imelda in the forefront, making her entire character do what she does supposedly out of love, audiences will come out of the theatre sympathizing with her and her family. not only is this politically dangerous, but it is incredibly insensitive to native filipinos who have not only gone through the struggle of martial law, but also is suffering through bbm's presidency today.

[rest of the post under the cut]

despite what a lot of criticisms claim, the intentions of the musical is not to be pro-marcos. this is stated in their instagram post:

david bryne also stated these in an article from the guardian:

"The mindset of the Marcos regime and the mindset of disco music to me doesn’t seem all that distant. The hedonistic, escapist feeling of losing yourself and being transported to another world, like you feel on the dance floor and like you feel in a dance club, that’s a means to divorce yourself from the rest of the world, just as Imelda did.

When you’re dancing, you’re in this psychological and sonic bubble, in the same way that powerful people create a bubble around themselves. So I wanted to give an audience a taste of that feeling.

In the first half, when the play is dealing with her childhood, her upbringing and her meeting with Ferdinand Marcos, it’s meant to get the audience to empathise with her and understand what’s driving her and then they’ll understand how that manifests later on."

so, it seems promising: an anti-marcos musical that will make audiences dislike empathizing with her. initially, i really liked the concept of audiences being lost with the music similar to how the marcoses were able to play a lot of their supporters.

but, and a big but, 1.) there's a lot to pick apart from these statements, and 2.) i fucking despise how they presented imelda in the musical.

let's discuss the first point: the instagram post details that the intent of the musical is to dispel disinformation created about the marcoses. first thing's first, if this truly was a musical that aims to educate, then broadway is probably the worst way to do it. while the west and native filipinos could share the award of most misinformed about the marcoses, native filipinos are the ones most affected by it. we just suffered a terrible election last year with constant speculation and reports of vote buying. i've heard accounts from people from the province that bbm would send representatives to bribe those in poverty to ensure a vote. we are suffering in the worst education crisis, with the most corrupt politicians you can think of.

so, if this musical aims to educate, the fact that you can only access it by viewing it live on broadway is incredibly... backwards. how are you opting to dispel information when those most affected can't even access it?

what's worse is the statement that says that modern history of the philippines cannot be told without the usa. it is such a patronizing, surface-level statement that gets my blood boiling. it is true that our histories and present-day contexts are intertwined, especially since the filipino diaspora in the usa is incredibly huge, but that's because this is all a product of american colonization + imperialism. stating like the philippines owes the usa to retell our native stories mirrors much of the savior complex-esque sentiments the usa had when they colonized us.

now, onto bryne's statement. the main problem i have with it is him insinuating that imelda is a victim of circumstance. he wants us the audience "empathize" with her and understand her downfall. this is common rhetoric uninformed people, even filipinos, used to excuse imelda's contributions. that she was supposedly "poor", that marcos put her through hell. but genuinely, and i cannot emphasize this enough, imelda was an absolute ass on her own accord.

no, she did not grow up poor. her wikipedia even states that she grew up in a wealthy family, born into the romualdez political dynasty. my history professor even claimed that she attempted bribing the mayor when she lost one of her beauty pageants. despite the repetitive "i'm doing this for love!" bullshit the musical regurgitates, imelda did not even marry marcos out of love. in ricardo manapat's book, he details how marcos attempted to swoon imelda by showing her his vault of money (of course, possibly stolen). she was enraptured by marcos the moment she saw his WEALTH.

i want to emphasize: imelda is not fucking stupid. much of what marcos did to the philippines was thanks to her. i would recommend watching the kingmaker documentary for all the details, but just know she is still alive and incredibly wealthy. she is well-known for her absolute gaudiness and all of that comes from her money-centric mindset. she does not give a shit about love.

here's some accounts by ricardo manapat from his book. on imelda falling in love with marcos (btw, she had a fiance at the time and didn't tell him she was marrying marcos until said fiance found out on the damn newspaper):

imelda being aware of the wealth she accumulates in politics:

on this note, i'd love to discuss how historically inaccurate the musical is. i'd like to preface that i've only listened to the only available version of the musical which is the 2013 version on spotify. this could have changed, but either way, the general tone of the narrative already reads to me as extremely incorrect, anyway. i'd also love to detail every discrepancy of each song, but again, i'll save that for a future essay.

in general, the musical's plotline follows imelda, a "humble and poor" girl from leyte who grows up and marries ferdinand. she repeatedly expresses she's doing this all out of love. thus, the musical insinuates that imelda is merely a victim of circumstance, and that she didn't become evil on her own accord. and yet, from what i've presented so far, she was very much aware! she was not passive. you have to understand, SHE was the reason both men and women had equal opportunities to become corrupt in our government.

what marcos did was also imelda's fault. the genocide and displacement of indigenous people, the mass torture and murder of journalists and politicians, the stealing of companies and mass wealth, the mass delivery of non-native animals to the philippines. she condoned all that. yes, marcos cheated on her, but she also used that as a means to manipulate him into doing whatever she wanted. they are both horrible people.

speaking of, marcos' song in the musical was also really bad. he could be written as lying for all we know, but his "fear" of japanese soldiers invading the philippines is also up for debate. there is speculation of the marcoses collaborating with japanese troops, which also led to the murder of marcos' father's political rival.

and while i don't know if there's actual dialogue outside of the songs, i don't think this musical actually informs us much of the marcos' faults. the songs, which will be the most accessible thing to native filipinos, express nothing but generic descriptions of what characters feel about certain situations. it's hard to understand or know what these people are actually doing because it's just so vague and ambiguous. how are you supposed to inform when none of the music details, well, anything? the information given is so minimal that i pray, at least, the musical would have more explicit scenes about marcos' atrocities.

and that's my main problem with the musical. with how much they spend sympathizing with imelda in the first act, i don't think everything the marcoses have done can be encapsulated in the second. of course, i'm not asking to give me a detailed rundown of everything they did, but let's be honest, this musical was never about dispelling disinformation. if it was, then they wouldn't spend an entire act and a half sucking imelda's dick. it's not about educating audiences about martial law. it's about humanizing imelda, with martial law and the marcoses' atrocities as a second priority. it makes me sick to my stomach seeing how pure imelda is presented when travelling to meet other world leaders, or how she's seen as the person who insisted that ninoy move away from the philippines.

it was never about education or re-information. in the end, these were such pretentious and performative statements to defend a historically inaccurate musical.

and tbh, that's just the tip of the iceberg of why i hate this musical. another thing is that, holy shit is it obvious that it's written by two white people. they mispronounce "tacloban" (should be tacLOban not tacloBAN). these characters are also just... not distinctly filipino? they're so white in mannerisms. i need more insulting humor, more grit. in fairness, the richer you are in the philippines the more connected you are to western culture, but i would have loved to see that disaparity more in the songwriting. they really peaked (/s) when they wrote these lyrics:

this is... awful, in a cringey what the hell manner. i hope they changed it for the bway production, because this was blatant evidence that the songwriters barely took the time to understand our culture before writing.

if you don't understand what it says, "titi mo" (the correct spelling is tite but i digress) means "your dick". i think imelda is trying to call marcos a dick, but they literally translated dick in tagalog. but tite isn't an insult, it literally refers to a penis. "mo" is the equivalent of "your" which also makes ZERO sense. the lyric literally goes "how can a your penis run the country?", like WHAT.

so you know, maybe there's a reason why many filipinos fucking despise this show on twitter. we are insulted for good reason. they are sensationalizing and glamorizing our suffering for their own gain. we native filipinos and other filipino diaspora who can't access the show have nothing to gain. here lies love is profiting from our struggles that we are still recovering from and experiencing today. imagine if you made a musical about hitler explaining he is a victim of circumstance to disco music. insensitive, isn't it? i'd love to ask the cast of here lies love if they'd ever show the musical to living survivors and families of victims of martial law.

and what's worse, because of course it gets worse, misinformation like this is what boosts the reputation of corrupt politicians in the first place. manapat quotes what leonard saffir wrote about how marcos built his reputation in new york via a biography filled with disinformation. the excerpt is too long but it's quoted from this article by the new york times. and now we are living in an era of another musical based on imelda being shown in new york — time is a flat fucking circle.

what sickens me is that this musical is possibly a lot of americans' first exposure to the marcoses, and what will they think? imelda is just a poor girl, imelda is just a victim, imelda is blah blah blah. that will be stamped in their head. even if some filipinos have come out of this musical dreadful that they sympathized with imelda, not everyone is gonna have the same experience.

^ this an excerpt from one of theatermania's articles. dictators have feelings too, i guess!

objectively, there is nuance when it comes to anyone. but the problem is, we cannot afford to consider nuance in politics. we cannot sympathize with imelda right now when people are dying of poverty under the marcoses' hand. the marcoses are very much alive, very much in power, and very much willing to lend their offspring to other positions of power. they turned the entirety of ilocos into a bunch of marcos dicksuckers, and i'm afraid that this musical can make a ton of their audiences be oblivious to the true extents of the marcos' atrocities. i'm already seeing people on tiktok say that there's nothing wrong about this musical, or that this can exist when miss saigon and evita exist (which in on itself are problematic beliefs, because they are glamorizing other country's sufferings too).

i am privileged enough to be educated about marcos, and while there is much to be done in terms of disability and lgbtqia+ rights, i am lucky to be less impacted by the marcoses compared to other people. but there are hundreds of thousands of filipinos severely affected by marcos. what's worse, is that there are plenty extremely uneducated that they are unaware that marcos is directly contributing to their suffering. my history professor told us that other countries are using the philippines as their model for successful disinformation campaigns. in this era of disinformation, we cannot afford to disinform even more. as sad as it is, the usa has a lot of power and control over the philippines (and the world, tbh), so one wrong step into the wrong direction and we're fucked. this musical fails the message it attempts to preach and i cannot imagine how much more people are going to spread misinformation about the philippines like they did during the 2022 elections.

to end off, i'd like to mention to everyone that imelda marcos has actually listened to the musical. in this new york times article, she says, "i'm flattered, i can't believe it!". i don't know what to tell you— if imelda herself says she likes the musical you claim to be anti-marcos, then what does that say about the musical?

i guess i'll end with, i am willing to change opinions once i see how the musical is being executed. if they emphasize the atrocities done by marcos and give proper information about the timeline of events, then i can be more lenient. but if i still see any attempts woobifying imelda, then i stand by what i say. this musical is insensitive, disrespectful, and just fucking hurtful.

[mercurysnitch]

Mother Mercury Part 5: The Show Must Go On

Summary: Trouble is brewing when Mel returns to the set of Bohemian Rhapsody after Thanksgiving break. Christmas is a turning point for Mel and Ben, and the end of filming might just have a few surprises in store.

A/N: Yes, it’s finally here. As previously mentioned, this is the last part of this story, three years and a pandemic after I started it. I do have an idea for a final epilogue chapter, but I'm not convinced I’ll ever get around to writing it. But I may post some “headcanons” of where I was planning for this story to go at some point.

Despite the long gaps between parts this story kept my mind somewhat occupied during multiple lockdowns even though very little of those thoughts ever actually made it onto the page, so I suppose I’m grateful for that.

This part covers the rest of Bohemian Rhapsody filming and a bit extra, so the story’s ending a bit earlier than I initially planned, but I think it works. The filming timeline might not be entirely historically accurate but at the end of the day, this is my fic so the timeline is whatever I say it is.

Not a lot of Eve in this one, but there’s some guest appearances to make up for it. Including, finally, the other surviving member of Queen finally turning up on-screen after many mentions in previous parts. Title is obviously from the Queen song.

The only warning for this one is mentions of illness, I think. Also as usual I think the English and American slang is accurate but I am neither of those things so it’s probably not perfect. Apologies if any Australianisms have snuck in, I try to avoid them but sometimes they’re not obvious.

**********************************************************************

Previously on Mother Mercury: The Bo Rhap cast has been introduced to Freddie’s granddaughter Mel, who’s working in the wardrobe department, and her mother Eve. Ben and Mel are going out, and he was invited to Eve’s for Thanksgiving, but no one on set knows they’re together. Also, the director’s a pill.

Mel was feeling quite refreshed after the Thanksgiving break, and she knew the band were looking forward to getting back together. But when she and Ben finally arrived to set on the first morning back, there was a rather unwelcome surprise waiting for them.

The set was never far from organised chaos at the best of times, but that morning nearly everything seemed to be in total disarray. Even Barbara looked worried when Mel arrived at the wardrobe department to start her day.

“What’s going on?” she asked, suddenly concerned. “Our esteemed director hasn’t arrived yet” Barbara informed her, voice dripping with contempt. “And no-one’s heard from him. No one even knows where he is.” “Christ” Mel exclaimed. “So are we still running today, or…?” Barbara just shrugged. “If he’s not here soon we’ll have to shut down for today, nothing’s been properly organised.” “And after that?” Mel asked. “The word is if he doesn’t surface soon he’ll be sacked” Barbara replied conspiratorially. Not a minute too soon, Mel thought.

It was a strange, unsettled day. The assistant directors did what they could, but it was hard to make progress when no one really knew what they were supposed to be doing. After noon arrived with no sign of the director arriving on set, the decision was made to shut down for the day. Some of the most senior crew stayed on to do some contingency planning for the next few days, but everyone else was sent home. None of the cast were exactly happy with this news, but Joe was particularly unimpressed.

“Seriously? This bullshit again? Honestly, I don’t care what this guy’s resume is like, he’s a seriously shitty director right now. Like, does he just not give a shit about all the time and money he’s wasted? And putting everything on the A.D. s all the time, that’s just disrespectful, like, their job isn’t to do his job for him.” “We know, Joe” Gwilym said gently. “You think you’d be better?” Rami joked. Joe looked alarmed. “God, no, I directed one tiny indie with like half a crew, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do on a big production like this.” Suddenly he looked wistful. “Maybe one day, though.”

Lacking anything better to do, the band decided to decamp to Rami's hotel for the afternoon to have a proper post-break catch up. Lucy and Allen were also invited, along with Mel. She was pleased to be included, though she could have sworn she saw a hint of a smirk on Joe's face when he extended the invitation.

At any rate, mid-afternoon found the gang scattered through Rami's deluxe suite, chatting about what they'd been up to during the break. Allen and Gwilym had enjoyed a bit of time off with their partners, while Lucy had taken the opportunity to catch up with a few friends. Rami and Joe had of course gone home to spend the holiday with their families, which for Joe had been extremely bittersweet due to his father's illness.

"I just… He was so much worse than when I left" Joe explained. "I think… I knew he was getting sicker before I left, but it’s just so obvious how much he’s deteriorated while I’ve been away, and I..." At that Joe began to break down, leaning into Rami who embraced him tightly, whispering words of comfort the others couldn't hear. "We're all here for you, mate, anything you need" Gwilym added softly. Joe pulled back, smiling slightly. "Thanks guys" he told them. "But right now I need to not think about it for a while, so Ben, what did you do last week?"

Ben's eyes widened in horror. He'd spent most of the week with Mel, of course, but he could hardly tell everyone that without explaining why. "I, uh,…" he stammered, looking desperately to Mel for support. She merely grinned mischievously. “Y'know, we could just tell them” she said evenly, largely unperturbed. “We’re official now, we have to tell them at some point.” “You sure?” Ben checked. Mel nodded. “Alright then” Ben agreed. He grinned in anticipation. "I had Thanksgiving supper at Eve's, actually." The others were suitably shocked. "You what?" Lucy asked, baffled. "It's a tradition of ours" Mel explained. "We remember Freddie by having a big meal with lots of guests, and wine, once the kids are in bed of course."

"That's all well and good, but why was Ben invited to supper by himself?" Gwilym questioned. Mel and Ben broke into near identical mischievous smiles. “Because he’s my boyfriend” Mel announced, reaching out to take Ben's hand.

“I knew it!” Joe yelled. “I knew there was something going on.” “We’re all very happy for you” Lucy said kindly, shaking her head at Joe’s antics. The rest of the group were smiling, cheerfully congratulating the happy couple. “You’re not surprised” Ben observed. “We’ve been wondering when it would happen” Lucy explained. Ben raised his eyebrows. “When, not if?”

“Mate, you’ve been absolutely gone for Mel since the day you met her” Gwilym pointed out. “I have not” Ben protested to Mel, blushing furiously. She merely smiled. “Naww, love at first sight?” she teased. “Anyway,” Gwilym interjected, “we didn’t know how Mel felt, of course, but we had our suspicions, and, well…” It was Mel’s turn to blush. “Damn, and I thought I was hiding it so well around you lot.” “Hey, we're not holding it against you” Lucy reassured her. “No, no, it's quite alright” Mel agreed.

Suddenly Joe groaned, cutting through the general cheer. "What's up?" Rami said quzzically, speaking for the rest of the rather puzzled group. "I just realised, I'm the only single dude in the band now" Joe explained. "Gwil was the only one with a girlfriend when we started this movie, and then Rami and Lucy happened, which, okay, I’m thrilled he’s found someone, but now my boy Ben's gone and left me all alone in singletown and we're not even done shooting yet. I mean, I know stuff happens on movies but both of you met people, on the same movie, within weeks of each other?"

Mel stared at him in confusion. "Is… Is he actually upset two of his mates have met someone before him?" "No, no, he's happy for us, really" Ben assured her. "He's just whining cos he doesn't want to be the only one on the pull when we all go out." "Eh, it's not like I could be any less successful than I have been the last few months" Joe grumbled. "Yeah, and I can still be your wingman, you know" Ben told him cheerfully. Joe smiled. "Well, that could be fun" he said. "Seriously though, I am genuinely super happy for you crazy kids."

Mel grinned at that. "Thanks, old man." Joe laughed at the insult, though he looked mildly scandalised. But whatever offence he might have taken at Mel’s jibe didn’t last long, and the rest of the afternoon was spent recounting the highlights of Ben and Mel’s Thanksgiving dinner and discussing plans for the remaining weeks of the shoot.

The next day the director was still nowhere to be found, and no one had successfully contacted him. The first assistant director attempted to take charge so they could at least try to get something done, but the mood on set was still unsettled and progress was slow. Over the next few days everyone soldiered on as best they could, but the director remained conspicuously absent.

After another week of radio silence though, both the cast and crew’s patience was rapidly running out. Remarkably, that very day the director finally reappeared, hours after he should have arrived on set on a normal day, claiming he'd been delayed due to having to care for his ill mother. But it was too late. Official complaints had apparently been made, and by noon a couple of Fox executives had arrived to give the director his marching orders. Singer was officially fired, effective immediately, and production was suspended until a new director could be hired.

The cast were universally thrilled to see the back of Singer, but there was widespread frustration at the resulting delays. Although some of the tension that had hung over the production in recent weeks had finally lifted with the knowledge the director was gone for good, there was still some unease about the potential impact of all the disruptions on the production, not to mention the inevitable effects a new director would have on both the set and the eventual film. Rami, though, was apparently confident everything would turn out alright in the end.

“I know who they’re trying to get to take over, and if he says yes, it should be good” he told the band, following the official announcement of the search for a new director to the cast and crew. Gwilym wasn’t convinced. “It’s still a massive disruption though, especially this late on in production.” “As long as they listen to the crew we’ll be able to pretty much pick up where we left off, everything’s still basically set up” Joe countered. “Plus, if Rami says this guy’s good, he’s probably great, so…” Rami grinned. “Nice to know some of you still have faith in me.”

In the end it took only four days for the studio to announce Dexter Fletcher would be taking over to finish the film, and shooting would resume shortly. The cast made the most of the unexpected break, spending an afternoon having a (very) long lunch at Eve’s. Mel did have some slight misgivings about the potential consequences of introducing all of her workmates to her very-much-not-average family, but in the end she needn’t have worried. Everyone got over their awe at being in Freddie’s house very quickly, having been prepared ahead of time by Ben, and by the time the end-of-meal tea and coffee were served quite a lot of the band seemed to be happily ensconced with Eve’s family.

Gwilym and Violet, both keen gardeners, were deep in discussion about the proper care of his new indoor plants. No one else in the band was terribly interested in plants, so he was very pleased to finally find someone who shared his enthusiasm. Joe, armed with his years of experience as an uncle, had won Jamie over almost instantly, and had even managed to get Lavender to warm up to him within half an hour of meeting her. By that point she’d persuaded him to play blocks with her on the floor, Jamie having managed to engage Allen in a detailed discussion of their respective football teams’ recent fortunes.

Rami was discussing something Freddie-related with Eve. He’d had an unpleasant moment soon after arriving, when he’d been happily greeted by Eve’s big fluffy grey cat Oberon, only to immediately sneeze and instinctively move away from the poor thing. Once he’d explained he was allergic to cats Eve had obligingly shut away Oberon and his elegant tabby companion Titania for the duration and assured Rami it was perfectly fine, though she did note the irony of her father’s portrayer being allergic to his favourite animals.

Meanwhile Mel was enjoying a rare opportunity to get to know Gwilym and Allen’s partners. This was in fact the first time she’d met them, but thus far they were all getting on famously despite their various differences in age and professional background.

Lucy, having found herself uninvolved in any of the conversations, turned to Ben, who was watching proceedings with a contented smile.

“You look happy” she said quietly. “I am happy” Ben replied. “The prick is finally gone, I get to spend more time with some of my best mates and my girlfriend… life’s good, y’know?” Lucy smiled. “You really like her, don’t you?” “I do” Ben said softly. “More than I thought… well I thought, at the start, she’d be a-a rebound, or whatever, but then I wanted to be official, and she wanted me to meet her family, and I… it’s still so early, we’re moving a bit fast but… I actually quite like it.” “You’re getting serious then” Lucy observed. “I think we are” Ben agreed. “I mean, I don’t want to get too serious too quickly but… I don’t want to not be serious either.” “That’s a good thing, wanting to be serious” Lucy assured him. “And you just do things when it feels right for the two of you, if anyone says you’re wrong they can piss off.” Ben couldn’t help grinning at that. “Thanks, Luce.”

The rest of the afternoon passed quite peacefully, though Ben couldn’t resist the opportunity to stir things up a bit by encouraging Eve to play Freddie’s piano for the assembled company. At the mention of music Lavender immediately requested ‘All Together Now’, clearly still obsessed. Ben got a big surprise when Mel picked up the guitar to accompany herself while she sang, naturally backed by her mums. The others were of course preoccupied with Mel’s fabulous voice, so her playing passed largely without comment until much later, when she and Ben were walking back to her little house.

“I didn’t know you could play the guitar” Ben said casually. Mel smiled. “And the bass, a bit.” “Really?” Ben marvelled. “Haven’t you ever noticed the absurd number of instruments crammed into my sitting room?” Mel joked. “Well, I’ve seen the piano… wait, can you play that too?” Mel grinned. “Of course, darling, why do you think I have the bloody thing?” Ben was intrigued. “Did your mum teach you then, the piano I mean?” “And the guitar, at first” Mel told him. “Papa taught her when she was young, she passed it all on to me when I was old enough. But even when I was very small I liked it when she played, she said.” Ben nodded. “So does Eve play the bass as well?” “No, Uncle John taught me” Mel clarified. “And more guitar, Mum was always more interested in the piano.” “You’re very talented, you know, all those instruments” Ben commented, smiling. “So are you” Mel said. “Drums are hard, you’re pretty good for someone who’s only been playing a few months.” Ben blushed slightly. “Gee, thanks. But you’re… your whole family is, like, ridiculously musical, it’s insane.” “It’s in the blood, I s’pose” Mel said, shrugging. “I suppose it is” Ben agreed.

***

Dexter Fletcher’s arrival on set after the unplanned break heralded a significant change in working conditions. Much of the tension that had previously hung over the set had dissolved with Singer’s departure, and Fletcher brought a much happier, more buoyant energy to proceedings. The disorder that had arisen from the previous director’s frequent disappearances was quickly sorted out, and both cast and crew were soon back on track to produce a very good movie. Their renewed focus meant that the days passed quickly, and Mel felt as though she barely had time to blink before Christmas was upon them all.

The imminent Christmas break triggered many animated discussions about their respective plans between Mel and Ben. She was of course planning to stay in London, while he was going home to Dorset to see his family. Mel was wondering whether to be miffed she wasn’t invited, until Ben reminded her his parents currently didn’t even know she existed. “I’ll tell them when I get home, I want to do it in person” he assured her. In any case Mel wanted to spend at least some of the break with her boyfriend, as did Ben with her, so in the end he decided he would come back to London in time for New Year’s Eve, to finish off the break. “My parents might come up to London after that, for my birthday, I could introduce you to them then” Ben added, as a small sweetener. Mel liked the sound of that.

But before all that came the Deacon family Christmas party, less than a week before the big day. Ben had agreed to go with Mel quite happily, but he was distinctly uneasy as they prepared for the party. “Nervous?” Mel said lightly. “A little” Ben admitted. “But I just… I feel like I’m representing all of the band tonight, I don’t want to screw it up and end up with John Deacon hating all of us.” Mel grinned. “Yeah, Joe would probably wring your neck” she joked. “But he won’t hate the band, he’s already had a good report from Luke.” Ben smiled. “For a minute there I forgot Luke’s met all of us, I keep thinking he’s just met me. But I’m glad you think he liked us.”

”He did, he told me” Mel said, turning to face Ben with a reassuring smile. “I know you’re worried, darling,” she said gently, “but tonight, as far as Uncle John’s concerned you’re not Ben Hardy the actor playing his old friend in a movie about his old band, you’re just my new boyfriend Ben, coming to meet the family for the first time.” “That’s... barely less nerve-wracking, to be honest” Ben admitted, half-jokingly.

“John and Veronica are the nicest people, truly, you’ll be fine” Mel reassured him. “They’re also basically your grandparents” Ben pointed out. “And some of the things I’ve heard about John…” Mel smiled. “The press love to exaggerate” she said. “He can get a bit grumpy when he’s out and about, perhaps, but that’s just because he hates being recognised and pounced on in public. He’s perfectly lovely to people he actually knows.” “He doesn’t know me” Ben pointed out. “Yes, but you’re with me, and he’s known me quite literally my entire life, so I think you’ll be alright” Mel joked. Ben eventually agreed he’d have to take her word for it, and they got on with making their way to the party.

Ben wasn’t entirely sure what he’d actually been expecting, but the enthusiastic greeting he got from Veronica when she let them in the front door reassured him he at least wasn’t going to be made to feel unwelcome. In fact, they’d barely crossed the threshold of the living room when they were set upon by Luke and Cameron, both evidently pleased to see Ben again. They barely had time to draw breath before Ben was being introduced to the rest of the Deacon clan, who all greeted him warmly.

Ben was relieved at the general willingness to welcome him to the fold, though he seriously questioned whether he’d be able to properly remember the names of all their various partners and children. The children themselves were mostly dotted about the room enjoying playing with their cousins, and Ben was already despairing of keeping track of who belonged to which Deacon child.

As Ben and Mel circulated the room, drinks in hand, chatting to each of the guests, Ben noticed a distinct contrast between Mel’s relationships with the eldest and youngest Deacon siblings. She was of course very close to Luke and Cameron, and Joshua seemed to care for her quite a bit too. But Robert and Michael were apparently a lot more distant. There didn’t seem to be any particular tensions, but the significant age gap between them and Mel presumably wasn’t conducive to a close sibling relationship. Laura, conversely, was clearly rather fond of Mel, if in a distantly benevolent older sibling sort of way. Ben was slightly to shocked to realise she was almost the same age as Eve, which must have led to a few interesting experiences when Mel was born.

And then, finally, Mel led him to a corner where a figure in a dark woollen jumper was bent over the complicated-looking stereo system, fiddling with something. Veronica was standing nearby, glass in hand. “Uncle John?” she said softly. The figure straightened up and turned around, and Ben found himself face to face with John Deacon. His once-flowing hair was all but gone, and his face was naturally a bit worn with age, but the crinkly-eyed smile he broke into on spotting his surrogate granddaughter was unmistakable. “Hello Mel” he said quietly, leaning over to embrace her. “We were so pleased when Luke said you’d be coming” Veronica chimed in warmly. “Wouldn’t miss it” Mel said, as they broke apart. “Uncle John, this is Ben” she added, taking his hand as she spoke.

John’s smile dimmed somewhat when his eyes fell on the newcomer, but he shook Ben’s hand politely all the same, before turning back to Mel, not looking entirely pleased at the sight before him. “So how’s work been?” Veronica said brightly, perhaps attempting to smooth over the awkwardness. ”We heard there was some disruption a little while ago…” “There was” Mel confirmed. “But everything’s settled down since we got a new director.” John nodded. “Well at least it’s all going well now” he mused. “Though it did make me wish even more that you’d never got involved in the film.”

Mel sighed, and Ben guessed from her expression, and Veronica’s evident exasperation, this was a long-running point of contention with John. “I’m fine, all the drama had nothing to do with me” she grumped. “You’re lucky it didn’t, if someone found out it’d be a perfect storm for the press” John countered. Mel groaned in frustration. “It’s been six months and still no one on that set knows who I really am” she pointed out. “Surely I’m safe now, there’s only a few weeks of filming left after Christmas.” John glanced pointedly at Ben. “Clearly some people on set have found out the truth.” “Only because I told them, or Mum did” Mel clarified angrily. “And they haven’t spread it around either.”

“It’s only six of us who know” Ben said quietly. “Just the core cast, and we would never sell anyone out to the tabloids.” John seemed unconvinced as he turned to Mel. “D’you believe that?” “I do” she told him. “Do you really think we would have let them in on the secret if we didn’t trust them?” “Your mother wouldn’t” John agreed. “You, I’m not so sure about.” His tone was utterly deadpan, but he was smiling slightly, his eyes shining with mirth. Ben let out a small sigh of relief when he realised John was only joking. When he felt Mel relax next to him he knew everything would be alright, even if all wasn’t quite forgiven just yet.

Later on, after food was served, Ben found himself next to John, left alone after Mel got caught up talking to someone else and Veronica disappeared off to deal with hostess duties. He suddenly felt rather awkward. Of course there were plenty of things he would have liked to chat to John about, but he had also been warned that John Deacon’s past with Queen was something of a ‘sensitive’ subject for him. “It’s not that he never talks about it” Mel had explained. “But he really doesn’t like being asked direct questions about it.” Ben’s usual fallback would have been small talk about his career, which normally fascinated new people, but even that seemed a dangerous topic of conversation given the focus of his current job, not to mention John’s clear reservations about Mel’s involvement in the project.

Just as Ben was wondering if John was going to say anything to him at all, the older man caught his eye, smiling wryly. “I hope you don’t think what I said about the film was anything to do with you” John said quietly. Ben was confused. “What you said about the film?” “I wish Mel hadn’t taken the job on it, but not because of you” John explained. “I just worry she hasn’t even thought about the fact she’s put herself in the one place she and Eve are most likely to be… exposed, shall we say, let alone what might happen if they are revealed to the world.” Ben smiled reassuringly. “The half dozen of us who know won’t tell anyone else, and we’d do anything in our power to keep it out of the press, if it came to that.” “I’m sure you would,” John agreed, “but I’ll still worry about it.”

Suddenly he grinned mischievously. “You know, I wasn’t sure what to think when I first heard Mel was seeing you. All the people she could have fancied at work, and she went for the bloke playing Roger.” “Well, at least she didn’t go for the man himself” Ben quipped. John smiled wryly. “She’s gone for worse, even if he is a bit old for her. Though I should hope Roger still has enough sense to know better than to go after a 21-year-old at his age.” Suddenly John looked thoughtful. “You’re a bit older than Mel yourself, though, aren’t you?” “Only five years” Ben said sheepishly. “It’s alright, that’s not an age gap to be concerned about” John assured him. “Luke and Cameron seem to think you’re alright, and Mel seems very happy, which is the main thing.” “So am I” Ben admitted, wondering whether he was about to get the if-you-ever-hurt-her talk.

But all John said was “That’s all I want, for her to be happy.” He smiled wryly. “She’s an adult now, she’s old enough to make her own decisions, and I just have to trust her not to make any bad ones.” Ben couldn’t decide whether John’s last comment was aimed at him. “I hope you don’t think-” “No, no, not at all, I can see how much you care about her” John reassured him. “So, just remember, she is a Mercury, a rare and precious creature who should be treasured. If you did want my advice I’d tell you anyone who’s serious about her should treat her like the queen she is, but I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” Ben let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, knowing now he had John’s approval. “Of course” he assured John, resisting the enormous temptation to make a Queen reference. It seemed unwise somehow, to draw attention to a topic they’d been carefully avoiding all night. They soon slid into much safer areas of small talk, and in fact John didn’t say much more to Ben after that, but he seemed not to dislike Ben, at the very least.

In fact, John wasn’t particularly talkative for the rest of the evening, but Ben nonetheless got the feeling he’d made a good impression. Well, he hoped he had. He felt rather conspicuous amongst all the Deacons, but they didn’t seem to find his presence particularly remarkable. He did field a few questions about his job, but none of them seemed overly curious, which at least meant he didn’t feel like he was banging on about himself too much.

Much later, when he was home again with Mel, he was relieved to hear she was pleased with how the evening had gone. Apparently Veronica had been very enthusiastic in her approval, and the others seemed satisfied he was a decent person, and seemingly weren’t terribly phased about the age gap. But the best news, at least to Ben, was the fact that John Deacon had apparently indicated he liked Ben already. Suddenly he didn’t think the party could have gone any better.

***

Christmas itself was much the same as always, though Ben left for his parents’ place with some trepidation. Mel for her part enjoyed her family’s low-key London Christmas, even if she did spend a bit of time wondering how Ben was getting on. As it turned out, his family were fairly pleased he’d found someone new, if a bit surprised it had happened so quickly. “Not that they mind much, apparently my mum was already plotting to set me up with one of the the locals before I told her” Ben reported, when he FaceTimed Mel on Christmas night. “So they’re not… unhappy about the age difference?” Mel questioned. “It’s barely a difference” Ben assured her. “But… I don’t think so. They’re pretty keen to meet you, I don’t think they’re too bothered.” Mel nodded. “So they are coming for your birthday then.” “Yeah, you’ll get to meet them very soon” Ben agreed.

In the end, despite Mel’s nerves Ben’s birthday turned out to be a very nice bookend to the Christmas break. His parents were very welcoming, and they seemed to be pleased to start getting to know Mel, at least. She did think she detected a whiff of tension when she mentioned her mums, but it was only a passing mention and as no-one said anything she decided not to dwell on it for the time being. More questions would no doubt be asked later, and if Ben’s parents did get judgmental at any point, she’d have no problems dealing with it head on. After all, she’d been dealing with other people’s attitudes about her unusual family for most of her life, there wasn’t a lot she hadn’t heard before.

***

Once production resumed after the Christmas break, filming was very much on the home stretch, though there was still plenty of fun to be had. One rather unpromising morning Mel was in the midst of organising some spare costumes when an American-accented voice cut through the chatter burbling through the wardrobe truck. “Hi, I’m doing a walk-on today, I was told to ask for Mel when I got to wardrobe?” “Ah, yes, I heard there was a special request.” Mel recognised her boss’s clipped English tones, rather jarring next to the drawling American. “Mel, extra for you!” Mel was slightly startled at the yell, but hurried to the front of the racks nonetheless. She found Barbara smiling warmly. “Special request from Queen; they want you to dress Adam for his scene today” she explained, as Mel emerged into the front.

She was only mildly surprised to find herself face to face with none other than Adam Lambert; wardrobe and makeup had been informed of his cameo ahead of time so they could plan his look. “Mel, this is-” “Adam, I know” she told Barbara. Adam was surprised.“You know who I am?” “Yeah, I’m a bit of a fan actually” she said, endeavouring to keep her tone casual. “Follow me, your stuff’s down here.”

Adam’s jaw had dropped the minute he saw Mel’s face, but he followed her obediently nonetheless. “Uh, has anyone ever told you you look just like Freddie Mercury?” he asked, once he’d recovered himself sufficiently. Mel just managed to hold back an exasperated sigh. “You would not believe how many times I’ve heard that since I started here.” “It’s true though, it’s… kinda scary almost” Adam insisted. Mel turned around to face him, having reached the rack she was looking for. “It’s not scary, it’s just genetics” she said blithely. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m his granddaughter.”

Adam was so shocked at this Mel had to restrain herself from laughing at his expression. “His -? But he never had-?” “He did, he just kept it quiet” Mel explained. “Very quiet, clearly” Adam quipped. “This is, like, super rude, but I just… how did that even happen, Freddie Mercury having a kid?” Mel sighed. “It’s a long story, but basically my grandmother went to a party in Munich, Freddie was there, everyone was drunk or high, or both, and, well, shit happened.” Adam grinned. “Cool story, your grandma partying with Freddie Mercury.” “Yeah, I s’pose it is” Mel agreed. “I’ve never really thought about it to be honest, it’s just… the story of my family, y’know.”

Adam nodded in agreement, but he was looking at Mel with clear curiosity. “So did… did Freddie ever find out about his kid, do you know?” he asked, sounding rather uncertain, almost as if he thought he was edging into risky conversational territory. “He did” Mel reassured him, smiling softly. “And he got to know her very well, over the years.” Adam was understandably confused. “When you say very well…” “Ever heard of someone called Daphne Caddington?” Mel asked. He nodded. “She, like, lived with him for a while, with her daughter, yeah?” “She was my grandmother” Mel explained. Adam’s eyes bugged out in shock. “She was… so does that mean her daughter was-?” “Yep.” Mel grinned. “But Evangeline’s, like, my age and you’re…” Adam mused, puzzled. “She was quite young when I was born” Mel clarified, an amused smile dancing on her lips. “She must have been, like, super young” Adam agreed. Suddenly a thought occurred to him.

“Roger and Brian know about all this, don’t they?” he said quietly. It was barely a question. Mel nodded. “They’ve set us up” he mused. “Probably” Mel agreed. Adam smiled. “Those sneaky bitches.” “Did… did you just call Queen bitches?” Mel questioned. “Oh, they totally are” Adam defended, grinning mischievously. “You should see them in private, they bicker like an old married couple. It’s hilarious to watch… most of the time.”

Whatever the reason Queen had seen fit to make the request, Mel was quite pleased with it by the end of the day. She and Adam had an almost unhealthy amount of fun working together to get him appropriately attired, spending almost as much time cackling over his various touring-with-Queen stories as they did actually working. Despite their differences in age and background they seemed to share a lot of similarities in both interests and personalities, not least the fact they were both musical theatre actors by training.

Adam also seemed a bit awed by Mel’s connection to Freddie, asking her lots of questions in between bursts of work. Frustratingly, she wasn’t able to answer many of them, having never known Freddie herself. “Look, I get that you’re curious, darling, but I really don’t know that much about Freddie, you’d have to ask my mum” she told him, after the umpteenth question she couldn’t answer.

By the end of the day, he’d gone one better and got himself invited to tea at Garden Lodge. Eve had coincidentally happened to video call Mel while she was with Adam, needing an opinion on colours for a half-finished painting. Adam had in fact tried to escape until Mel hauled him over to meet the famous Eve Caddington, who wasted no time in putting him at ease and inviting him round to chat properly about Freddie. “You should come for tea some time, we can have a nice long chinwag over a hot meal” she said kindly. Adam was so stunned he barely managed to squeak out an “Okay!” before Eve hung up. Ever the professional, Adam quickly pulled himself back together and refocused on the job at hand, but Mel couldn’t help thinking there was an extra sparkle in his eye for the rest of the day.

***

Eve made one more visit to the set before the film wrapped. They were filming "the band" appearing on Top of the Pops, and it was all hands on deck. Roger and Brian were all dressed up for a quick cameo, and even Jim Beach was on set. Eve rather doubted he was having a cameo, although she also didn’t think he’d mind too much if he was asked to do one.

Eve was introduced to Dexter Fletcher by Roger himself, with much ceremony. Dexter said nothing obvious, but there was a look in his eye that made her quite sure Roger had spilled the beans about her true identity at some point. At least, she assumed it was Roger, or possibly Brian. There were others who knew, of course, but somehow Eve didn’t think they were the type to gossip, at least not about something like that, and certainly not to the new director.

It soon transpired that Mel had volunteered to be an extra in the background of the “performance” sequence. As the day’s schedule inched towards that part Eve found herself being persuaded to join her daughter in the scene, though she felt she was much too old to be playing a teenybopper in the Top of the Pops audience. The main cast very much disagreed, however. “You’re the same age as us, we’re not that old” Joe pointed out. “And anyway, most of the extras aren’t actual teenagers either” Mel added. “Oh come on, please? It’ll be fun, all you’ll have to do is stand and dance a bit.”

“It would give the scene an extra something, having Freddie Mercury’s daughter in it” a raspy voice interjected. Eve immediately turned around, shocked to see the director himself chiming in. “Roger told me” he added, seeing her confusion. Mel was suddenly uncertain, not having actually asked about adding another extra to the scene. “We don’t have to, if it’s going to be too difficult to change things…” “Nonsense, the more the merrier” Dexter reassured her. “Roger told me about you too, you know. I must say it almost feels like his approval, in a way, having you working here…” Somehow everyone knew ‘his’ didn’t mean Roger’s.

Having received the director’s approval Mel’s enthusiasm quickly returned, and she and Eve spent a very pleasant afternoon moonlighting as extras. In fact, most of the set seemed to be in a good mood that day. The happy atmosphere lasted through most of the remaining days of shooting, almost to the last day of filming. The final day itself, though, was somewhat subdued as everyone had finally realised the carnival really was nearly over.

But after the wrap on the last day came the wrap party, which everyone enjoyed. Roger, Brian and Miami were all in attendance, though Eve had declined the invitation she received after her appearance as an extra. The band were determined to enjoy one last night together, and Mel was almost as set on getting Ben out on the dancefloor at least once.

In addition to the dancing, and the usual drinks and finger food, a bit later in the evening they brought on a spot of Queen karaoke. Joe of course approached it with his usual enthusiasm, and managed to persuade several of the cast, and a few of the crew, to join him at various points. Mostly it was a bit of a laugh for everyone, but then Joe begged long and hard enough that Mel agreed to join him for Bohemian Rhapsody. Her spectacular rendition of the second verse just about brought the house down. Even Queen themselves looked impressed.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that” Roger commented later. Mel was, naturally, with Ben, in a secluded corner. “So can Eve” Ben added. “And they can both play too.” “Just a bit of piano and guitar, nothing special” Mel said, blushing. “Just like your grandad then” Roger mused. “Have you ever considered recording something?” Brian asked curiously. Mel shook her head. “No, not really. Anyway, right now I want to get into musical theatre, but maybe one day...” “Oh, of course, of course” Brian murmured apologetically. “Well, if you ever change your mind I’d be happy to help with the production side of things, if you needed it of course.” Mel was taken aback. Maybe it would be easier than she thought to do more than just theatre. “If I ever decide to record something you’ll be the first to know” she assured Brian.

“Well, whatever you do next, keep in touch, alright?” Roger told her. “That goes for your mum too, I’d like to know what Freddie’s offspring gets up to when she’s not swanning around film sets.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “You know, I should have you both round to lunch next time I manage to round up all of my brood” he mused. Mel wasn’t at all sure how to respond, but she had to admit lunch at Roger Taylor’s house did sound like fun. “I think Mum’d like that, I know I would.” “Partners will be invited too” Roger added, noticing Ben’s less-than-successful attempts not to look miffed at being left out. “Give us a time and we’ll let you know” Mel assured him.

Mel scored a number of comments from various members of the cast and crew as well, mostly complimenting her singing voice. Though a few did notice a resemblance to Freddie’s performance style as well. Even the director wandered over at one point, full of praise. However, it soon became clear he had something of an ulterior motive too. “I want a sort of chorus line for a couple of songs in the Elton John movie,” he explained, “and I’d love to have you in it. If you’re interested in auditioning, of course.” Mel was stunned. “You… you want to cast me in your movie?” Dexter nodded. “You’ve got a great voice, Mel, and exactly the right kind of background for what we’re looking for. I’d be a fool to pass up talent like this that’s just about fallen in my lap.” Mel grinned. “Send me the info and I’ll think about it when I’m a bit more sober.” Dexter seemed satisfied with that response, and soon darted off to talk to someone else looking very pleased with himself.

Mel turned to Ben, still grinning in amazement. “Did you- did you hear-?” she gabbled excitedly. “I’m gonna be in a movie!?” “I heard” Ben assured her, beaming proudly. “You’re a superstar, of course Dexter wants you in his musical… movie… thing.” Ben was still smiling at her, but he was a bit glassy-eyed, and Mel could see the night was starting to catch up with him. “I think you’ve probably had enough for tonight, dear” she said, a clear note of amusement in her voice as she moved his last drink out of his reach. “I do appreciate your support though.”

The festivities didn’t last much longer after that, with many of the crew needing to prepare for flights home the next day. The band were reluctant to say goodbye, eventually deciding to have one last breakfast together the next day before Joe and Rami had to fly back to America. Needless to say, they all regretted choosing an early start when they woke up the next day with pounding heads. Only Mel seemed to be entirely unscathed, although Lucy had also apparently escaped with only a mild hangover.

The others glared at them as they chattered happily over pancakes, though they had perked up a bit by the end of the meal. Even so, it was with heavy hearts that they all finally said goodbye that afternoon, naturally promising to see each other again soon. Exactly when ‘soon’ would be no one quite knew, though Lucy was apparently planning to meet Rami in America when she went over for a job in a few weeks, and Joe was unlikely to be far behind. Mel was sure it wouldn’t be long before Ben caught up with Gwilym either.

*******

Mel had thought, when she started working on Bohemian Rhapsody, that once filming was over she’d go back to her theatre life of auditions and waiting and hoping this part might be the breakthrough that would kickstart a long career. And she did, after taking a bit of time just to relax with Ben and luxuriate in having free time again. Ben was also between jobs, and keen to take a break while he could, knowing he had a round of promotion coming up for another project fairly soon, and more auditions on the horizon.

In the meantime, though, they spent a couple of weeks just enjoying roaming around London together and catching up on all the things they hadn’t had time for during filming. It was a largely quiet and domestic few weeks, though there was a small disruption when one of the more sensationalist tabloids published a couple of photos of them out and about together, with accompanying text proclaiming Ben had been spotted with a “mystery woman” multiple times in recent days.

Mel scanned that paper anxiously over the following days, but nothing more ever appeared. “Those photos were probably from someone who just got lucky anyway” Ben reassured her. “I mean, there’s probably more of them than what was published, but evidently none of them were clear enough to identify you. And ‘former soap star has new girlfriend’ is barely a story, it’s hardly something worth pursuing us over.”“I know,” Mel agreed, “but if they ever did discover who I am, that could be the beginning of how they finally find out about Mum and everything.” Ben found this a sobering thought, but he nevertheless felt it unlikely Eve would be discovered unless the tabloids decided to take more of an interest in Queen, something which could well happen if the movie did well. He refrained from sharing this thought with Mel, however.

Once it was clear nothing more was going to come of the photos Mel turned her attention to her audition for the Rocketman chorus. But just days after sending off her initial audition tape to the producers she had a phone call from Dexter offering her something of an upgrade on the chorus part.

“I’ve changed my mind, I’d really like you to try out for Kiki Dee” he told her, with his usual enthusiasm. “It’s not a big role, but it’s a speaking part at least.” Mel was stunned. “What-? Why-? A speaking part?” “I watched your audition tape” Dexter explained. “Your voice would be wasted in the chorus, not to mention the acting in your reel is streets ahead of everyone I’ve seen for Kiki so far.” “I- uh- Really?” Mel cursed internally at her clumsy response, but she recovered quickly. “I mean, of course I’ll audition for you!” Dexter was very pleased to hear that, and by the time Mel hung up she had a time and a place for a proper in-person audition in the very near future.

The audition, when it happened, went extremely well, and within a few days Mel got a phone call informing her that she’d won the part. She was positively buzzing with excitement when she saw Ben for dinner that night, and he was thrilled for her. “I knew you’d get it, you superstar, well done!” As they celebrated, Ben was slightly startled to realise there was something else he wanted to say to his extremely talented girlfriend. But he kept quiet, knowing the moment wasn’t quite right just yet.

They went back to Mel’s place after their meal, and spent quite a long night together celebrating intimately. The next morning Ben formulated a plan over his coffee, under the watchful eye of Jupiter the black cat, and quietly slipped out before Mel got up. When he returned she was sat at the head of the dining table, Mab purring on the chair next to her. Mel looked up as he came in, breaking into a confused smile when she noticed the large bunch of flowers Ben was holding.

“I, uh, I got you something” he said sheepishly. He smiled as he handed the flowers over. Mel was surprised. "Flowers? Why did you buy me flowers?" "Because. You got your first role" he explained. "Also, you're one of the most wonderful and amazingly talented people I've ever met, and…well, the thing is… I love you." He was suddenly very uncertain as he watched Mel gaping at him, worrying he might be pushing her into something she wasn't ready for. "You don't have to say it back if you're not-, it's ok, I mean I know it's a big deal, but I just wanted you to know" he gabbled, frantically attempting to backtrack.

Mel's face finally shifted into a broad smile. "It's okay, darling" she assured him. "I love you too." She leaned up to kiss Ben, who obligingly leaned down to meet her with a very passionate locking of lips.

“God, I’m so happy you said it back” Ben confessed, when they finally broke apart. Mel grinned. “What, did you really think I might not feel the same way?” she said teasingly. “No, I just - I wasn’t sure if you were there yet” he admitted, shaking his head. “For a moment there I thought I might have freaked you out or something.” “I wasn’t scared, silly” Mel assured him, a hint of laughter in her voice. “I just wasn’t expecting you to say it was all, I just needed a second to get over the surprise.” Ben smiled. “It was a good surprise, wasn’t it?” “An excellent surprise” Mel agreed. As they leaned in to kiss again, she really didn’t think life could get much better.

**************************************************************************************

A/N: And that’s all, folks. This was not where I’d originally planned to end the story but I ran out of steam and then it wound itself to a nice conclusion, so I went with it. There’s a couple of things in this chapter foreshadowing events I had planned for later but I think they still work as just parts of this chapter.

Incidentally, Adam’s comment about Brian and Roger is based on a quote I saw somewhere. I can totally imagine it though, they’ve known each other for a very long time at this point.

[frostfires-blog]

Various people have been mentioning how the latest SNK ED (#7 Akuma no Ko) is Eren's answer to the Mikasa in the first ED (#1 Utsukushiki Zankoku na Sekai)....so I have to check it out and analyze it. (P.s. Unfortunately the lyrics aren't in order)...Here goes...

NOTE: THE ARE ⚠️SPOILERS⚠️ HERE. ALSO MOST OF THIS IS MY OWN INTERPRETATION OF EVENTS THUS FAR AND MANAG SPOILERS I'VE HEARD...I'm not claiming to be 100% accurate here...I'm sure there are many different interpretations to this.

These lyrics directly contrast Eren's motivations to Mikasa confusion in the latest episode. After having been 'betrayed' by Eren, Mikasa is left confused and doubtful whereas Eren seems steadfast in his goals.

Eren is sacrificing everything to protect those dear to him especially Mikasa. He believes that this is the only way and claims that even if he is wrong he won't doubt his choice This reminds me of Levi's advice to him in during season 1

"But no one ever knows how it will turn out. So choose for yourself, whichever decision you will regret the least."

Mikasa has frequently claimed the world to be cruel and merciless.

"Only victors are allowed to live... this world is merciless like that."

"This world is merciless, and it's also very beautiful."

After the parents' death, Eren was the one to remind her to fight for her survival and take her life into her own hands. During the Battle of Trost arc upon hearing of Eren's 'death' she breaks down and contemplates whether life is worth living and if she can bring herself to live in a world without Eren. Her decision was to fight and survive as Eren would've wanted her to. To live in order to keep his memory alive. Since meeting Eren, Mikasa has prioritised the survival of herself and those she cares about above all else. However even though fate has cast Eren such a terrible role and even although the world is so cruel he still loves her. To him survival is nothing without freedom. It is not enough to just live or to live like livestock...He wants to fight not just for his survival but his freedom—for the freedom of those he holds dear even if it costs him dearly...

Time and time Eren has reminded and inspired Mikasa to keep fighting—to keep living; because life and freedom the world's greatest gifts bestowed to all...

Eren has always dreamed of freedom. Originally he desired to be free of the threat of the titans and the walls.

"We’re born free. All of us. Free. Some don’t believe it, some try to take it away. To hell with them!"

"Fight to live, risk it all for even a glimmer of real freedom! It doesn’t matter what’s waiting outside the gate, or what comes in! It doesn’t matter how cruel the world can be, or how unjust ! Fight. Fight. Fight. FIGHT! FIGHT!!!"

Over time that desire evolved to wanting to be free from the threat other nations posed. His goal is to create a world where he and those dear to him can be free, a place for them to belong.

Mikasa speaks about how precious and fragile dreams are...about no matter how hard you try to abandon them they will always find you somehow. This resonates with although Eren's motivations and goals seem to have changed from those of the Scouts; the foundation of his dream has never changed.

Throughout Attack on titan we have seen Eren descend into brutality. This reminds me of something Armin said early in the series:

“To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity.” 

And to many Eren has become a villain and a monster.

“I don’t have time to worry if it’s right or wrong, you can’t hope for a horror story with a happy ending.” 

However in the face of all these obstacles— "walls"—and despite his "strengths and weaknesses" he still is forced to make a choice. The choice on how to best protect those dearest to him. In the end he chooses to believe in his own strength to achieve that even if that means he needs to abandon those he loves. However as the Mikasa ending says "the more you forget the more you remember...." ultimately foreshadowing his precious friends being the ones to confront him.