#I say I’m grieving my first car like it died

[bugsybaritone]

I know I dont post my art on here a lot, mainly because when I do post it I don’t get any notes BUT I made a self portrait recently that is very meaningful to me and I want to share it with as many people as I can. Scroll past the pictures to get an explanation of why I chose this as my final for my drawing class this semester!

TW: fake blood

Back in January I was in a car accident that totaled my car, thankfully I walked away almost entirely unharmed except for a single 1-2mm laceration on my head. Despite walking away perfectly fine with no lasting physical effects this accident has stuck with me and even now I can barely talk about certain details without crying. For days following it I still felt like I was covered in glass and blood, it took me weeks to stop seeing it every time I closed my eyes and I still have nightmares about it. I miss my old car and in a way I’m grieving the loss of it alongside my trust in other drivers.

For my portrait I decided to capture the raw emotion of it: the sadness, grief, and anger that this happened to me. I chose to portray what I looked like when it happened, so I put the outfit that I hadn’t touched since I peeled it off in the hospital on for the first time in months. I used to love that outfit and now I can’t bear looking at it. I sat down in front of my camera, set a countdown and closed my eyes thinking about that day. Thinking about how in a matter of seconds my first car was ruined and I was longer an accident free driver, about how it felt when it finally sunk in ten seconds after it happened and what it was like looking through my windshield silently asking the people I could see in their cars through their windshields what I should do. There’s dozens of moments from that day that I sat there remembering to get the reference photo for this drawing, it was hard to not only make myself relive it for a picture but also to draw it as well.

This isn’t the first drawing I’ve made related to the accident and I don’t think it will be the last.

[impishtubist]

I came across yet another tweet that screamed Sirius raising Harry to me and demanded a ficlet. For @soloorganaas because I can.

(Removed all identifying info from the tweet so no one goes and tweets about HP at some poor unsuspecting person)

---

Harry Potter is subdued today when his papa drops him off for school. Mrs. Carter watches as Mr. Lupin crouches in front of Harry, speaking to him in low tones while Harry nods morosely.

When he leaves, Harry sits quietly at his desk, coloring on a piece of paper and not looking up at his classmates as they trickle in. He’s usually one of the most talkative students in the class, so Mrs. Carter goes over to him.

“Harry,” she says quietly as she kneels next to him, “are you feeling okay?”

“No,” Harry says, not looking at her. “My daddy died.”

Mrs. Carter barely catches her gasp before it slips out. “Oh, Harry, I am so sorry. You must be feeling very sad.” 

Harry nods. Mrs. Carter can’t believe that Mr. Lupin dropped Harry off without saying anything to any of his teachers about this! Of course, he’s been married to Mr. Black for six years now, or so he’d mentioned at the last parent-teacher conference. He must be in a state of absolute shock himself.

She spends the rest of the day loving on Harry as best as she can while her aides help manage the rest of the class. She gives him extra hugs, excuses him from certain activities that he’s not feeling up to, and slips him an extra biscuit at snack time when the other students aren’t paying attention. They’re paltry efforts at comfort, but they seem like the least she can do.

She plans to have a discreet word with Mr. Lupin at pickup, and to gently suggest that maybe Harry should stay home from school for a few days, to be with his family and properly grieve.

Unfortunately, it’s not Mr. Lupin who picks Harry up--it’s Mr. Black.

“Hey, squirt!” Mr. Black says cheerfully as Harry launches himself at him. He catches the boy and swings him up on his shoulders. “Guess what I’ve got in the car for you?”

“A Happy Meal?”

“You got it,” Mr. Black says, and Harry cheers. “Say goodbye to your teacher, love.”

“Bye, Mrs. Carter!”

“But,” Mrs. Carter manages, “Harry said you died!”

Mr. Black blinks at her, and then pulls Harry off his shoulders. 

“Harry,” he says, setting the boy on the ground. “Did you tell your teachers that your daddy died? Again?”

“Again?”

“Sorry, Daddy,” Harry says, not sounding sorry at all. 

Mr. Black shakes his head as he takes Harry’s hand. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Carter. Harry’s done this with all his teachers at some point or another. We thought he’d grown out of it.” 

“I don’t understand,” Mrs. Carter says.

“His birth father, James, died when he was a baby. You know that, but he also calls me “Dad”. So sometimes he’ll tell a teacher that his dad died, because he’s learned it gets him extra attention and snacks. He means James, but he’s going to let you believe it’s me because that’s how he gets away with it.” Mr. Black tries to give Harry a stern look, but he’s not very successful at it. “Can you apologize to your teacher, Harry?”

“But it’s true! Daddy James is dead!” 

Mr. Black pinches the bridge of his nose. “We’re still working on it.” 

---

“Moony!” Sirius calls. “You’ll never guess what your son did today!”

“My son?” Remus pokes his head out of his office. “Did he turn his teacher’s hair blue again?”

“Nope. He told her his daddy was dead.”  

“Harry.” Remus folds his arms. “Is this because I wouldn’t stop for ice cream on the way to school?”

“Mrs. Carter gave me an extra biscuit! An’ I didn’t have to do my letters today! Can I have a snack now?”

“You just had a Happy Meal!” Sirius exclaims.

“I’m hungry again!”

“Nice try, squirt. We’re going to say sorry to Daddy James.”

Harry sighs. “Do I have to?”

“Yes, you have to.” Sirius takes him by the shoulders and turns him in the direction of the back door. “Let’s go, mister.”

When they had first moved into this house with baby Harry four years ago, Remus had suggested that they plant two trees in memory of James and Lily. They had done so, and installed small plaques at the base of each one. Sirius found over the years that he much preferred visiting the trees to the horrible memorial in Godric’s Hollow.

“Hi, Daddy James,” Harry is saying when Sirius catches up to him. He’s sitting cross-legged by James’s plaque, twisted some blades of grass together in his hands. “Daddy says I gotta say sorry to you. I told Mrs. Carter you were dead.”

“That’s not why you’re saying sorry, Harry James,” Sirius corrects.

“I told her Daddy died. She didn’t ask which one!” 

“Harry.” 

“Sorry for telling Mrs. Carter you were dead so I could get a biscuit, Daddy James,” Harry says. “An’ extra coloring time. Daddy, can I go fly now?”

“Go wash your hands and change into your flying clothes, and meet me back out here,” Sirius says, and Harry scampers off. Sirius kneels by the plaque, presses two fingers to his lips, and then brushes them over James’s name. “He’s a menace, Prongs. You would be proud. Thank you for trusting me with him."

[theficpusher]

If This Is To End In Fire by Jiksa | E | 4306 Apocalypse makes it sound a lot more glamorous than it actually is.

It's Been a Minute Since I Called You by winterschild | nr | 5336 “Hi, mum. It’s been a minute since I called ya. I know you won’t get this, but I’m going to leave a message anyway.” He didn’t want to feel alone. In order to cope with grief, Louis has been paying for his mum's phone so he can leave her voicemails to calm him down. One day, when he forgets to pay her bill, the number disconnects and is later given to Harry Styles, a baker with a kind heart. On a drunken night, Louis leaves another voicemail, but how will Harry respond to this man, who sounds so broken? OR This is a self-indulgent, Louis centric fic about grief and a very kind person who takes concern for the small Doncaster boy with a somewhat broken heart.

Always Keep You Next To Me by lululawrence | nr | 8325 Louis jumped when the passenger side door opened and Greg somehow folded his entire lanky frame into the car. “Hey, thanks for waiting for me,” Greg said with a small smile before buckling up. “Do I get the honor?” Right. Louis couldn’t drive safely with Will’s remains in his arms. It was just ever since his mom had handed the urn over to him last night, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to let it go. He’d even curled up around it on Will’s childhood bed as he called his cell over and over again, just to hear his voice once more. Fuck. When Louis' twin dies, Louis decides to take the birthday road trip they were meant to take together with Will's best friend Greg instead. As they both mourn Will's death and celebrate his life, Louis and Greg become closer and maybe start to heal a little bit too.

Keep Driving by dead_tobeginwith | M | 11726 The first time Louis picks him up, it’s raining. He slides into the backseat smelling like hospital, like plasters and cleaning products and burnt coffee. He shuts the door and leans against the window, folding his arms protectively across his chest. He sighs heavily and closes his eyes. There’s a crease between his brows. It must have been a long day. Louis feels it when one of his knobby knees starts bobbing an uneasy rhythm. Bad news, then. Or waiting for bad news. Sometimes purgatory is the worst kind of hell. Either way, he says nothing. Louis watches his breath fog the window in the rearview mirror. When he drops him at the station, there’s a little frowny face fading in the misted glass. _________ OR Louis works as a driver contracted through the local cancer institute. All of his clients are associated with the hospital—mostly patients and their families heading home. One rainy afternoon, he picks up Harry.

You Might Want to Marry My Husband by Rearviewdreamer | nr | 24528 When Harry’s husband dies, he asks one thing of him; to find love and happiness again without him. It’s a request that Harry is happy to disregard, until he meets the one person who is impossible to ignore.

like a timebomb ticking by infinitelymint | M | 31734 Louis loses everything. Harry's still there.

we should open up (before it's all too much) by disgruntledkittenface | M | 43129 “I’m not–” Harry breaks off, his voice strangled as he clutches his phone in his hand. He takes a breath and looks up, trying to keep the tears threatening to spill over at bay. “Louis, I’m not very good company these days. I–” “Harry,” Louis interrupts, his raspy voice soft and soothing. “I get it. Sometimes it’s just easier to be alone, yeah?” Harry nods, blinking back the last of his tears. “But it can get lonely,” Louis states. Harry nods again even though it wasn’t a question, finally looking back at him. “So why don’t we try being alone, together?” Struggling with grieving and depression since his dad died, Harry has never felt so alone. It’s too much to cope with on his own, but he feels like a burden when he tries to open up with people. Then he meets Louis.

Plant New Seeds in the Melody by 28sunflowers | E | 58700 After losing his husband in a tragic car accident, the last thing Louis needs is to keep running into popstar Harry Styles, who David was quite fond of. Obviously, that’s exactly what keeps happening. But as their unlikely friendship blossoms, Louis realizes that, maybe, having Harry in his life was the only good thing that came out of his adverse circumstances. Harry could be just the right person to help Louis find trust and intimacy in someone new.

shelter as we go by fondleeds | nr | 75094 Louis looks at him like his words might break him, glass about to splinter, one wrong footfall away from shattering into a million tiny pieces. “Hey,” Harry breathes, and he knows, meeting Louis’ eyes, that his words could break him easy as anything. He almost wants Louis to bring his boot down. - AU. Nova Scotia, 1968.

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The more often I rewatch Season 1, the more it becomes obvious how Klaus is the Mascot of the family, the family member who diffuses tension with humor. But he also fits the criteria for the avoidant personality type.

Here's my analysis on this:

1.Sensitive to Rejection

People with an avoidant personality try to steer clear of rejection or criticism, because it leaves them emotionally vulnerable. We can see this very well with Klaus. To name a few examples: When Allison points out the rehab wrist band in the first episode of the show, he says “Oh, no, I’m done with all that.” He tries to deny it. We can see this exact same behavior later when he tries to talk himself out of conjuring Reginald. Allison is the one to interrupt, asking if he’s high. When everyone just looks annoyed at that, he springs up, defending himself “How are you not?”.

He knows his addiction is disapproved of by the family, that it will earn him a lecture. In the show we can see this when he tells Luther “Save the lecture” when he leaves Reginald’s office. And when he tries to conjure Reginald, he also says “big angry ghost lecture.” When he smokes in the living room, Luther says “You know dad didn't allow smoking in here.” All of this showcases how he is used to criticism and also his ways in avoiding it.

So, how does he handle actual rejection? Let’s have a look at his and Diego’s dynamic. We have seen multiple times how Diego is on his way to leave, when Klaus says “I’ll come with you.” And even though Diego says no, Klaus doesn't treat it seriously, knowing Diego won’t kick him out. They're siblings.

But later, when he is in the van with Luther and Five, he DOES get kicked out by them. And he MENTIONS this later when they vote on turning off Mom. The reason he is on Diego’s side, at least from what he is saying, is because he’s mad at Luther. “I’m with Diego, because screw you!” And “Get out of the van, Klaus. Well, welcome back to the van, Klaus!” While it is a funny scene, it is proof that rejection sticks with him.

2. Difficulty in creating meaningful relationships

There is a lot of evidence for this one. His prior relationships all seem to have been surface level. He can't remember how he lost his virginity. The longest relationship he had prior to Dave lasted three weeks and even that was only because he was tired of searching for a place to sleep. When he is grieving over Dave with Diego in the car he says that he lost the only person he loved more than himself (Which is not actually the case, there are a lot of points that could disprove that line, but Klaus feels this way and that's what’s important).

Dave was the first push towards his healing journey. He values him so highly, even after years. He places Dave’s well-being over his own with him trying to stop Dave from enlisting into the military in S2, even if it means they’ll never meet. And it is Dave who goes into the kiss.

3. Running away

The stereotypical avoidant character is gruff, pessimistic and oftentimes nihilistic. But Klaus uses humor as a mask. He seems like a flirt, extroverted, light and funny and while this isn’t necessarily false or all a lie, it is still an exaggeration. This is a good example of him being the Mascot of the family.

It is when they are stressed it really shines through. It’s when Dave dies, he decides to go back to 2019. He almost gave up on finding Luther if Ben hadn't said anything.

The drugs are a way to run away from the past, from the pain, from himself, to make everything go numb.

And while he’s not really nihilistic, he can be a bit, for the lack of a better word, pessimistic. He believes that the future can only be bad, evidenced by Five coming back and saying “[The future] is shit, by the way” to which he responds with “Called it!”.

He also dislikes the whole notion of “eternal peace”, saying it’s overrated when he tries to summon Reginald and in S3 saying so to his birth mother in the afterlife.

Also, the whole cult storyline.

4. Conflict Avoidant

While he does cheer on Diego and Luther during their fight at Reginald's funeral, this fight does not involve him. In all other cases, it is really clear once you notice it.

Him being the Mascot of the family already makes this obvious. The tone gets heated? An argument may arise? Throw in a quick joke, draw the attention towards himself. For example, when Luther says how they should bury Reginald by the oak tree because he spent time there sometimes and he says “None of you ever did that?”, the others gave him strange looks. Klaus immediately says something completely unrelated “Will there be any refreshments?”.

He is the only one to suggest “I vote for running!” when the portal through which Five falls through appears.

5. Not sharing problems

He rarely ever shares the trauma he goes through and if ever, he downplays it. This is seen when he comes back from Vietnam and Five points it out, he deflects and says “long night”. He does not say where to, when he answers Five’s questions it is followed with something funny like when he asks for how long “almost a year. [...] which means I’m 10 months older.” Or when he finds out he’s immortal, he says it in a way easily mistaken for a joke and then never brings it up again.

Even when he is vulnerable he shares minimal information. Like when he had a breakdown at the VFW, he tells Diego that he “lost someone” but does not expand. The most open he was was during The Day That Wasn't. Here he talks about Dave, what he was like, that Klaus followed him to the front lines. And Diego doesn't pester him with a lot of questions, which is important here. Klaus is in his thoughts and shares this willingly. It is such a good step towards healing, because talking about stuff actually can help.

6. Fear of failure/low self-worth

Here you have to look past the surface. Because sure, Klaus says Dave was the only person he loved more than himself, but other scenes say otherwise.

He does not believe it at first that Viktor is capable of destroying the earth, he argues that he’s their brother and they shouldn't just lock him away, they’re family. They can just ask him! When in S2 Viktor leaves for Sissy, he is the first to join him. He goes after Diego when Diego almost gets killed by Hazel and Cha-Cha, despite Diego having told him to stay in the car.

He is extremely sympathetic towards Luther when he finds out that Reginald didn't care, even though the rest figured that out so long ago. He tries to stop Luther from taking drugs, he goes after him even after Luther hurts him, doesn't even hesitate. He seems really affectionate with Allison, giving her hugs, letting her play with his hair, coming to her in S2 when he feels lost.

He tries to comfort Five in his own way when trying to find out who the owner of the glass eye is didn't work. He feels obvious guilt because he thinks he’s the reason why Ben can't move on.

So yeah, I’m calling bullshit on that “only person he loved more than himself.”

Then there's his “Yeah, me neither” line in response to God saying “I don't really like you all that much.”

Ben is the one who gives him support and says that he can do better, that he is better than what he thinks. (And that Dave knew it too). Because Klaus can't tell this to himself, another point in his low opinion of himself.

He calls his own powers “pretty much useless” and is very surprised to hear when Reginald told him he never reached his full potential. What potential? He can do more?

When he is appointed look-out for the Apocalypse Concert/The S1 Finale, he looks disappointed, like he isn't doing enough. He was always the look out when they were kids. And he clearly wants to do more, that's why he tried to make Ben corporeal at the bowling alley, to prove that he can.

He has struggles with becoming and staying clean. He is constantly judged for it, yet doesn't receive any support in return from his living siblings so his answer? More drugs.

After Vietnam, he almost relapses and the reason he gives is that sobriety didn't improve anything, everything’s still the same, still nobody takes him seriously. If everyone sees you as a failure? Why bother being anything else? And after a long enough time, it is hard not to internalize that.

His fear of failure is tightly knit to his fear of rejection.

Even when he finds out about making ghosts corporeal, he doesn't train his powers, doesn't try to do more, doesn't try to advance despite having the knowledge that his powers could allow more.

It’s the classic “Can't fail if you don't try”.

And it’s really stemming from being Reginald’s “greatest disappointment”. Because that is absolutely not the first time he told Klaus this.

With kids, if your expectations are too high and they can't meet them, often you need to lower the bar, instead of raising it.

Reginald kept throwing him into a mausoleum, expecting a certain result, then got angry when he got the exact opposite and just continued the punishment, because it IS a punishment by this point. It’s like “you’ll study three hours a day now and don't you dare fail that next test again”.

Origins: So, where does this avoidant personality come from? In Klaus’s case I’d assume it comes from emotional neglect. From being let down and not having his needs met. By a father leaving him alone in the dark with the ghosts instead of showing him love.

He wants to be loved, he wants to be trusted, but his early life experiences have given him the opposite.

[lcvesjj]

I'm sorry I couldn't stay… bau x fem!reader

Prompt : “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay” / “Wasn’t your fault… I made my decision”

Paring : platonic!bau x Reader, JJ x reader, father figure!Hotch x Reader

Warnings : major character death, angst, general criminal minds stuff, mentions of death and grieving, a lot of sadness, reader dies, no happy endings (if there is anything else I should add please just let me know and I’ll add it!)

Summary : an ‘easy’ arrest goes horribly wrong. (Please read warnings before reading.)

“Y/n are you ready? Hotch is already waiting for us by the SUV’s.” JJ asked while looking at you. 

“Yea, I think I’m ready.” You replied while nervously looking at the blonde.

You were new to the team, only having spent around 2 months with them. But you already loved them all so much, they were all like family to you - a little dysfunctional but still a family. 

This was also your first time being in the field since being shot, luckily it was only a graze on your shoulder that had left a small scar. Hotch didn’t allow you to join them into the field, since he left like you needed more rest. You were allowed to travel with the team, but every single time that there was a raid you were left with Reid and sometimes Derek or JJ back at the station.  

It was supposed to be a really simple arrest. Go in, get the unsub and bring him back to the police station. But it all went so horribly wrong. 

As soon as Hotch put the car in park, everyone carefully got out and took out their weapons and flashlights. Quietly walking towards the old house where the unsub was supposed to be. You were standing behind JJ and Derek, suddenly the wind picked up. Goosebumps started to appear on your skin, something was off you could feel it in your bones. The chilling sensation flowing deep down to your bones. 

That’s when you realised - It was a trap. Before you could even shout to alert your teammates, it was already too late. Bullets started flying everywhere, the team obviously started firing back at the unsub. This didn’t make any sense. Why were there so many bullets flying? 

The team profiled that there was only one unsub. 

“So if there are so many bullets flying, that must mean that there are at least two or more unsubs.” You thought to yourself.

You saw a bullet heading for JJ so before you could even think twice you quickly jumped to push her away. 

The next thing you knew, you were laying on the grass. With a hot white pain numbing your senses and the only thing you could hear was the constant ringing in your ears. You were shot in the stomach twice. Tears started blurring your vision, you felt so much pain it was really hard to deal with. 

Derek was instantly by your side and seeing you in so much pain broke him. You were like a little sister to him since you were even younger than Reid he felt like he had to protect you and take care of you. Even though you were an adult he still felt responsible to keep you safe. 

The bullets stopped flying and everything went quiet. They had been able to sneak in and arrest the unsub. Hotch looked over to see if everyone was alright. Seeing you down on the grass and seeing Derek’s distraught expression he immediately rushed to your side and started helping Derek press down on your stomach to stop the blood from gushing everywhere. The rest of the team stood frozen while Derek started shouting that a medic is needed. JJ klent down next to you head and quickly took off her FBI jacket to put it under your head gently. She kept on saying that you'll be fine, and that the paramedics were coming. 

Reid broke down seeing the state you were in. Everyone was just hoping that the medics would get there on time. They couldn't let you die, not like this. You still had many years in front of you, you were so young. 

“Wasn’t your fault… I made my decision.” You slowly said while coughing up blood. The words were mostly aimed at Hotch. In the small time you got to know him he became something similar to a parental figure. 

“You’ll be okay kiddo, you just need to hang on okay?” Rossi gently said, trying his best to keep you awake and alive. 

“Where is that ambulance?! We need a medic now!” Hotch yelled. “Don’t you dare close your eyes Y/n.” He pleaded while quietly crying. The whole team was gathered over your nearly passed out b0dy. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay…Tell JJ I love her please.” You said while crying and coughing up more blood, you knew you wouldn’t make it. And that was one of the most terrifying things ever. The feeling of slowly dying was so scary, you were so young. You didn’t want to die - not like like this.

You were starting to lose your vision and senses, all you could now hear were the sobs of your teammates fading away in the distance. The pain started to disappear. All you could see was this white light and you felt so calm, with a small breath you were gone. 

You were dead.

You were long gone before you could hear Hotch constantly repeating that it was all going to be alright and JJ’s soft voice saying that it was okay and that it was alright, and that she loved you too and would never forget you. It hurt her to say that, but she knew that this was the end for you. There was nothing she could do to help you.

And as much as it hurt, she knew you weren’t going to make it. The only thing that comforted her was the fact that you were no longer in pain. And as much as she already missed you, JJ knew you were at peace. Nothing more could hurt you and you were finally safe. 

A few days later was your funeral. Everybody was dressed in black and gathered at the church to say a final goodbye. JJ was wearing dark sunglasses to cover her puffy and teary eyes. Knowing that you died to protect her made her feel so guilty. If only she was more careful… 

You died as a hero and they were all thankful that they had the chance to meet someone as amazing and kind as you. And to this day they still talk about you and their memories with you.

[elliespassagerprincess]

Idk if ur taking requests anymore, but I rly love ur stories! Could you do an Ellie x reader story based on the song together by beabadoobee? THANK UUU!!

Together (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! thank you sm for the request, and for the compliment, i started giggling... i hope you enjoy this pookie <3

This story is based off the song Together by Beabadoobee, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

Requests are always open feel free to leave one! You can send me a song and I'll take it from there!

Warnings: toxic relationships, death, suicide and self harm and a little blasphemy

Summary: Your relationship was toxic, you both knew this... but yet both of you couldn't stay away from each other

wc: 1.7k

(If you want to be added to my tag list, just leave a comment so i can tag you in future work!)

Crash the car again

The same mistakes again

Don't wanna hurt you like I did

Screaming, crying, dishonesty. These were some of the words you used to describe you and Ellie’s relationship. It was unhealthy. It was toxic. Religious people would always quote that one bible verse where it says a dog would vomit and then it would go back to eat its vomit. The same way sinners would go back to sin. The same way you would go back to Ellie.

You and Ellie’s relationship hadn’t always been toxic, there were happy times too. The times she would come over and the two of you would watch a movie together, that one time Ellie snuck you out of Jackson to show you a dinosaur museum. You were happy. Very happy.

Until Joel died.

When Joel died Ellie changed. She became cold, distant.

 But you understood why. She was grieving.

And you truly did assume that eventually she’ll go back to normal. But then her obsession with finding Abby started. She left Jackson. You were broken.

Life without Ellie felt like a life without sunlight. There was no light. No joy. It was cold. You remembered the countless nights of you crying yourself to sleep. The nights you would reach over and touch the side of the bed Ellie lay on. It was always cold. The cold side of the bed was a painful reminder that she chose revenge over you.

But Ellie came back to Jackson.

You were happier than ever.  Because you waited for Ellie. You put your life on hold for her, because you couldn’t imagine a life without her.

Ellie changed. She became more aggressive. One second she would be ok the next moment she’d explode with anger. Hurtful words leaving her mouth. And that was when you decided to breakup with her, for the first time.

The breakup lasted 2 weeks. And you went back to her again. The arguments and lies got worse, and you left. For a second time. But not long after you came back. You would always come back.

That’s probably why you were standing outside Ellie’s house. The two of you had an argument 3 weeks ago. Ellie had lied to you about where she slept the previous night saying “don’t worry baby I’m going to Maria and Tommy” but you soon found out she went to her ex-girlfriend’s house.

She lied. You were hurt. You felt Betrayed. And you broke up with her again.

But you came back. You had to talk to Ellie.

But for the first time ever, you weren’t here to take Ellie back, you weren’t here to listen to her bullshit promises, you were here to say goodbye. You were her to end it all, so that you could be free from Ellie’s harsh words. You were doing this for yourself. And for the sake of your mental health.

You shakily reached for the door, your left had curling into a fist, you felt the wood on your knuckles as you lightly knocked.

The door flew open, revealing Ellie in all her glory. Her autumn brown hair is longer, reaching past her shoulders, dark circles covered the bottom of her beautiful eyes.

“Baby?” she asked softly eyes wide.

'Cause I'm not waiting for you

But I don't want to hurt you

Ellie knew Joel’s death affected her in more ways than one. She knew her mental health suffered because of his death. Out of everyone she hurt and killed the last person she wanted to cause any harm to was you. But it was as if she couldn’t stop herself from hurting you.

She couldn’t kill Abby because she knew it wouldn’t bring Joel back. She was filled with anger. Pain. Hatred and she didn’t know how to get it out. And there you were. Her soft and sweet girl, that waited for her.

In a way Ellie was jealous of you. How innocent you were. All the people she killed, everything she did to try and get Joel some justice, just made her dirty. And there you were. Ellie sometimes wondered why you wouldn’t just leave her. All she did was hurt you.

She wanted to make you feel what she felt all these months as she went after Abby. But yet you stayed. And that’s why she was so surprised to see you standing in front of her house with a small smile on your face.

“Hi els” you spoke softly; your eyes briefly fell to the floor as if you were preparing to tell her something. Something big. Something Important.

 After a few seconds your eyes met again, and you spoke once more; “we need to talk”

All alone again

It hurts my heart again

I think my blood is running thin

I'm away again

It hurts my head again

Don't wanna be away from your skin

As toxic as your relationship was, you both couldn’t stay away from each other. The countless times you and Ellie broke up, the two of you would sneak out to meet each other. Just to be in each other’s presence.

 Neither you or Ellie would never admit it: but you can’t live without each other. The two of you had built such a bond that you were both so incredibly dependent on the other for comfort. All the nights Ellie cried when you left her, all the days Ellie would plead and beg you to come back because she would change and she would be a better person. She really tried. But she couldn’t. Her past was haunting her. It traumatized her. Broke her beyond repair. When she looks at you the only thing she could imagine was all the people she had to kill. But at the same time she felt comforted by your smile.

Ellie was planning on changing but she doesn’t know how.

 How does one go back to the way they were before they watched their father figure get brutally murdered?

But you had other plans. There isn’t going to be a next time. You weren’t going to let Ellie say another word that will put you into another depressive episode. You had to end it all.

You sat across her, and Ellie felt like her heart was being ripped into a million pieces. It felt like her heart was shattered, and you were watching her bleed pout.

She had been shot, stabbed, but the pain of the words you muttered, hurts even more.

“Earth to Ellie” you said because she went silent. She zoned out thinking of all the ways she could try to get back together with you.

 “No” Ellie spoke “you can’t do this”

“I can” you said softly the room fell silent, the tension rising.

 “Ellie” you spoke again “we can never be together again” you started “you hurt me too much” and Ellie felt shame wash over her.

“I’m sorry” she said with a pleading look in her eyes “I’ll change” and Ellie watched you shake your head.

“You never fucking changed, what makes me think you’ll do it now?” you spoke harshly.

You got up and started walking towards the door. Ellie felt the tears running down her cheeks. She watched your figure walk towards the door. You didn’t even look back at her.

 “Goodbye Ellie”

Hurt myself again

I thought you'd notice it

Don't wanna fix it like you did

Your body was found on a Saturday morning. You were hanging from the roof. You had hung yourself. You didn’t leave a note. No one knows why you killed yourself. Your secrets died with you, the reason and the problems you faced, went to the grave with you. And this puzzled Ellie.

Why didn’t you tell her?

 Yes, your relationship was bad, but you could’ve told her. She would’ve helped you. She would’ve hurt those who harmed you.

Two days after your body was found your words ran in Ellie’s mind.

You keep hurting me….

It was her. Ellie was the problem. Ellie was the reason you felt so depressed that you ended your life.

 It was all her fault

She felt bad, guilty. She murdered you. She had your blood on her hands. Ellie didn’t deserve to be alive. The day of your funeral she watched as your body was lowered into the ground, Ellie’s loud sobs echoing across all of Jackson. Ellie wished that was her. She wished she was the one being buried because you didn’t deserve that. Ellie start hurting herself. She’d watch her blood drip onto her bed as she cut herself. She wishes she could give some of her blood to you. She wishes she could give life back to you. Her blood in exchange for your life. The way Jesus died on the cross to give us eternal life the same way she wanted to die. For you. To give you the life you deserved.

I think I'm okay by myself, I'm doing great

But we'd be better together, better together

Together though, together though, together again

Ellie thought your death would be good for her. Maybe if you weren’t there she’d be ok. But your death made everything worse for Ellie. She thought she could live in a world without you. She realized she couldn’t and as Ellie took her final breath as she lay on her bed bleeding out, she hoped that she would be reunited with you in the afterlife, that the two of you would finally be together.

 They say death separates people. Death rips families and relationships apart. And that’s what Joel’s death did to you and Ellie’s relationship. His death ruined the only good thing both of you had left. But now that both you and Ellie have passed away, she hoped that her death might bring you back together. For your souls to be intertwined.

Ellie hoped that if God was real that he would take pity on her and forgive her sins. That He let the two of you be together in the afterlife. That death would bring you closer. And that you’d be together forever.

Authors note: Sorry for going MIA again, life has been kinda messy rn, but I promise I’ll try and get more stories out soon, to all the requests in my inbox, I swear I’ll write your stories soon. Remember you are loved and my requests are always open!!

Yours truly

Zia <3

[delicate-luv]

Two Become One ~ Chapter Four

Summary: you meet Steve and decide to spend the night and Eddie’s house once again…will your actions finally catch up to you?

CW: 18+, MDNI, vomiting, nausea, mention of pregnancy, mention of death, mention of parent death, distant parents, cancer, abusive parents

Masterlist

This one is a bit shorter but next chapter will be worth it! :)———————————————————————

You arrived at Steve's house and he answered the door shortly after Eddie knocked twice. All the lights were out. He had one other person there with him who was a few years younger and said his name was Dustin.

"Eddie! How you doing bud?"

"Doing great. This is my uh- this is y/n." Eddie gestured towards you

"Pleasure to meet you. I see Eddie looks happy, so that's good." He opened the door wider, giving you a warm smile. “This is my other friend, Dustin. He annoys the hell out of me sometimes."

You shook his hand. "Nice to meet you. Eddie's told me all about you Steve. Says you are the 'unofficial official babysitter'?"

"He would be correct. Everyone just dumps their kids on me but I don't mind."

You let out a yawn that you failed to hide, which got a reaction from Eddie. "She's tired, can I have Otis so we can go home and go to sleep?"

"Yes. He's out like a light, so hopefully you can get the little guy home before he wakes up."

"Will do."

Steve left the door open for a minute, before walking back with the 2 year old in his arms. He swiftly handed him over to Eddie, without waking him.

Eddie quickly put him in his car seat in the back of the truck.

"Thanks again Steve. I owe you one."

Steve crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "Actually, you owe me a lot. Remember what happened a few weeks ago?"

"Yes, I do." He avoided any further discussion and turned to you in a sudden rush. "C'mon, let's get you home."

You all got into the truck and started towards Eddie's home.

You whispered. “what did Steve mean by a few weeks ago? What happened?"

Eddie rubbed his face and quietly groaned. "ughhh. That's when I was with you. I was supposed to pick Otis up from Steve's house after the gig. Instead, I got black out drunk and slept with you instead."

"I'm sorry." You slouched in the car seat.

"It's not your fault. You're not the one who got black out drunk and picked your son up at 10 a.m. when you we're supposed to pick him up at 1 a.m." He could tell you felt guilty about the entire situation, so he quickly changed the subject. "let's just worry about getting some sleep."

You eventually got back to Eddie's home. He snuck Otis into a room adjacent to his and tucked him into a small bed. He all did it without waking him. It was like magic.

Last time you were here, the door must have been shut-hence why you didn't see any evidence of a kid except for the sonogram picture.

As you laid down in his bed, Eddie noticed you were particularly quiet.

“What’re you thinking about?”

You sighed. “If I’m being honest, I miss my mom.” You finally admitted, a little bit shocked at yourself. “I never said that out loud before.”

He turned to you, fully ready to listen. His eyes shined with empathy for you.

“Ever since my dad died, she-” you stared into your lap. “She’s just been distant. I feel like I’m grieving not only one, but two parents right now. Who knows if she even had a funeral for my dad. God, he was such a good person, he really deserved the best memorial, too. She’s always been manipulative, projecting and isolating when she doesn’t want to face reality.”

He grabbed your hand and rubbed it lovingly. “I know how you’re feeling, and I’m so sorry. My mom died of cancer when I was 8. My dad was very abusive, but his abuse only became worse once she left us. Sometimes death just does that to a person. It’s sad, I know. But I just think about Otis and- and how he needs at least one of his parents to show up for him, even if he’s too young to even notice his mom is dead in the first place.”

“Eddie, I’m so sorry.” You shook your head in disbelief. “Let’s be each others rock from now on? You can trust me with anything.”

“Don’t apologize.” He whispered to you. “But I uh- I fell into drugs, my dad caught me with them, forced me to shave my head. I tried to run away. He was caught with the possession of my drugs, they found me with a shaved head and a black eye, and took him in for questioning. He’s been locked up ever since and I’ve been living with my uncle for the rest of my childhood. I’m happy he’s gone forever, but I did live with that guilt for a while. They were my drugs after all.”

“Don’t feel guilty. He got exactly what was coming to him. He was abusive, he needed to be taken away one way or another.” You took a deep breath, and Eddie helped you wiped your tears. “It sounds like we’ve both had pretty bad childhoods, yeah?”

“You’re right about that.” He brought you into a warm embrace. “It’ll be alright.”

This was a completely new side of him you were seeing tonight, and you were beginning to really like it.

The next morning, you woke with a pounding headache and awful nausea. Your hangover was terrible.

except for that fact that you had nothing to drink the night before.

You felt it all coming up, so you made a mad dash over to the bathroom, trying not to wake Eddie.

You started to throw up in the toilet. Eddie obviously heard, as he came running over. He tied your hair up and started rubbing the small of your back.

"You okay?" He sounded panicked.

"I don't know where this is coming from?!" You stammered. "I feel hungover. But I didn't drink anything last night."

A few moments went by in silence. Your heart was racing and your hands were shaky. You hated vomiting, so you usually didn’t do things that would provoke it on purpose. You were consumed by all the possibilities that could have happened. Eddie eyes went wide before he grabbed a towel to wiped your mouth off with. "You think you could be-"

You didn't even wait for him to finish his sentence. "I think so." You began to wipe your mouth. “Didn’t we use protection though?”

“‘M not sure. We were both black out drunk, remember?”

The two of you just stared in silence at each other. Neither of you knew what to say. Eddie got up to get you a water bottle. He helped you up and walked you back into his bedroom. You laid down on his bed while he got you another cold towel to put on your forehead. "Maybe it's food poisoning? Or possibly there's a bug going around?" You groaned, the nausea still not going away.

"There's only one way to find out. And we need to be sure." He declared as he placed the wet towel on your forehead. "Listen, I'll go to the store. You stay here, just check on Otis from time to time, please." He threw on a pair of jeans and a Metallica t-shirt. "if you throw up again, let me know." He insisted before he grabbed his keys and left.

You laid there, rethinking your decisions. You regretted most of them. However, If you really were pregnant, that would be the one thing you could not bring herself to regret. Eddie was already an amazing single father to Otis. Maybe things really could work out between the two of you. Maybe you could really be a happy little family. You had a little bit of hope.

[amethystunarmed]

Somebody's Gotta Do It

Word Count: 925 AO3 Link Part 2 Ted Spankoffski visits Duke Keane with an important request.

It had been a long day. Duke had gotten back to his office an hour after he was supposed to leave for the day. He is exhausted; the last visit he went on ended with a call to the police. Despite his insistent recommendations, they had sent Officer Sweetly as well, which had only escalated the situation. It had gotten so stressful, Duke somehow managed to dial a number he knew could help him, only to forget it halfway through. Maybe Miss Holiday at the high school is right, and he needs an assistant to help lighten the road. Ever since Miss Holloway died, he has been scattered, his memory full of holes. An extra hand around the office wouldn’t be remiss.

Unfortunately, today he does not have that extra hand. Instead he has a headache, a mountain of paperwork to fill out, and apparently, someone pacing on his office porch. 

Duke recognizes him. In a town like Hatchetfield, everyone knows everyone, to an extent, but Ted Spankoffski has a reputation that supersedes even small town familiarity. Duke knows the rumors are true firsthand. Ted had been a patron at Miss Retro’s a couple times, until his flirting with both Miss Holloway and Duke himself had gone from annoying to downright infuriating. 

The look on Ted’s face when Miss Holloway had-

Duke shakes his head, clearing it.

It had culminated, somehow. Like most things surrounding Miss Holloway, Duke can’t remember a lot, just that they had laughed about it. The gap in his memory feels warm, like the space on a counter where a cup of coffee had just been sitting. There is no sign of what was once there, only the impression of something pleasant.

Duke has a lot of pleasant impressions to look back on these days. Miss Holiday says it's natural, that the grieving brain will protect itself, and Duke knows that. He is missing entire years of his childhood centralized around the time when his dad died. But still, he feels guilty, forgetting her like that. Apparently he had found her body, and didn’t have the decency to remember until the police had shown up at his door for a second round of questioning. 

It makes him want to scream and tear his hair out and pound his fists against his head until she gives him his memories back-

The reminiscing means he’s more than a little frustrated when he gets out of his car. Ted perks up like a dog at the sound of the car door. 

“Fucking finally!” He says, like he isn’t loitering outside the building well after business hours are over. “I thought you would never show.” 

Duke shoots him a smile that he hopes looks less like a grimace than it feels. “I’m sorry, business hours are closed. If you like, I will be open tomorrow morning.”

“What, no! I’ve been waiting here since before your hours ended, you can check the cameras!”

Duke takes a deep breath, and prays to every deity he can think of for patience. “I had other commitments today, which you would know if you had tried to make an appointment. I have availability tomorrow?”

Ted frowns, thick eyebrows furrowing. He has nice features, if a little oily. Duke would almost call him handsome if it wasn’t for the terrible attitude. “No, no, tomorrow won’t work, can’t you just-”

“Later in the week then, if you need. On my website, you can schedule an appointment in any of the open slots-”

“No, that’s too late, you don’t understand-”

Duke is cutting this off before it can even begin. “No, you don’t seem to understand. I have set a boundary that you seem incapable of respecting,” Duke says as neutrally as he can. His jaw is tight with frustration, and it only makes his head pound harder. Flickers of memory worm through his brain, and Duke is getting the distinct feeling this isn’t the first time he’s said this to Ted. “Not that it has ever stopped you before. Have a good night.”

He brushes past Ted, eager to get inside and lock the door when a hand clamps on his wrist. Duke takes another deep breath. He doesn’t want to give the police another call tonight, particularly not after he cold-cocks Ted for not being able to keep his hands to himself.

(Not that I condone violence.)

But when he looks up at Ted, he finds himself at a loss. Any of the previous frustration on Ted’s face has melted away. He is gazing at Duke with wide, desperate eyes. His fingers are tight around Duke’s wrist, keeping him locked in place, like an anchor in a storm. Duke hasn’t seen someone this desperate since-

Rose.

He doesn’t know when.

“Wait. Please wait,” Ted gasps. “I’m sorry, but it’s for a kid. You like helping kids, right?” Duke gives a reluctant nod, and Ted breathes easier. He still doesn’t let go of Duke’s wrist, like he is afraid Duke will dash away if Ted gives him the chance. 

Ted runs his free hand through his hair, and for the first time, Duke takes note of the bags under his eyes. He wonders when the last time Ted slept was, because he gets the feeling it wasn’t last night. Ted bites his lip, then clicks his tongue. He bounces on his heels, then nods to himself, clearly coming to a decision Duke wasn’t privy to. He looks Duke straight in the eyes.

“I need your help getting custody of my little brother.”

[damonsalvitorewife]

Big Brother

Summary: your brother died and JJ doesn’t like your 

Request: no 

Warnings: talk of death, dead bro, mean comments, JJ being an ass, fluffy end. 

My brother just died and this is how I got my anger and emotions out. I’m sorry if it’s bad. 

MY WORK IS NOT TO BE REPOSTED, TRANSLATED OR COPIED PLEASE DON’T STEAL MY WORK!!

*******************************************************

You’re on your way to the Château for the first time since your brother just died you haven’t really been up to hanging out much is Justin died he died three months ago and it’s been really hard. Justin was your rock. Both of your parents passed away when you were seven since then Justin has been there whenever you needed him wherever you needed him I guess until now .

“ hey yn look who finally decided to show up” JB said giving you a hug.

“ it’s good to see you guys.”  You  said giving Sarah a hug.

“ how have you been since Justin?” Sarah asked. 

You spelt, tears sting in your eyes at the mention of Justin‘s nam. 

“ i’ve been all right it’s just hard because I still tried to call him and text him and I wake up and realize he’s gone.” You say in a sad tone. 

“ come on we have to go pick JJ and Pope up.” JB said.

JJ maybank he never really liked you don’t know why he just… anytime you talk to get mad at you randomly for no reason to hurt your feelings sometimes but just you know, we said that tell men wore. 

You were torn away from your thoughts by JJ speaking. 

“ ugh, who invited Miss emotional.” JJ asked clearly upset. 

“ I did she needs to get out of her house.” Sarah said.  

“ oh, so we’re babysitters now is that it?” Jj said with an eye roll. 

“ dude stop being such a dick all the time.” Kie said.

“ I’m not being a dick all I’m saying is that why can’t she go hang out with her brother or some shit? Why does she have to hang out with us?” 

Jj said.

You start tearing up at his words.

“ I mean come on man look at her she’s already crying again. He said pointing a finger at her. 

“ John B can you just take me home? I’m sorry for intruding. OK I’m didn’t even wanna be here. you know what fuck you.  if I could hang out with my brothers still I would be instead of sitting here. Bitch about how I’m fucking snob and stuck up when I’ve done literally nothing to you. I’m sorry that my brother just died and that I have nobody anymore OK but don’t worry I’ll be off the island soon enough!!” 

Right then all there faces dropped as JB pulled up to the dock you jumped off with all your belongings and ran to your car. 

“ JJ what the actual fuck is wrong with you. She just lost her brother. The only family she had left. And your mad at her for grieving! How much more of a dick could you be? Hm?” Sarah yelled at him.

“ I-I didn’t know. I’m I’m sorry. I’m really sorry okay?” Jj said flustered. 

“ okay. First of all how the fuck did you not know? Second of all why are you telling us sorry when it should be yn you need to  apologizing to?” Pope said. 

“ okay okay I’m going.” The blond said 

Time skip at your house. ( sorry I’m lazy) 

“ what do you want Jj? Hm? To make fun of me some more?” You asked anger laced in your voice. 

“ no. No actually I came to say I’m sorry. And I am I’m sorry for today and not only today but every other day too. It’s just your so nice and pretty and I- I don’t know. I just.. I know I’m out of your league and I didn’t want to get attached. But it’s not about me it’s about you and I’m really sorry.” The blond looked at you shyly. 

Your heart felt like it was on fire. He liked you. JJ Maybank liked you. 

“ I want to say it’s okay but it’s not J. Everything you said really hurt me. But I do like you too.” You admitted. 

“ Is there any way I can make it up to you.” He asked a little taken back with the fact that you like him. 

“ actually two things. One you stay and we hang out eat some dinner and learn more about each other. And two you take me on a date.”  You said with a slight smile. 

“ absolutely.” He said with a huge smile on his face. 

Things may not be good right now, but maybe with JJ and the pouges things could eventually get better. 

[sam-winchester1327]

Story- My Own Funeral

My Own Funeral.

I sit and watch the funeral bordering the time limit it was set for. In their defense, it's a graveyard, and who will stop a funeral full of grieving people? I shadow the crowd of only a few weeping people. Those weeping people were some of what I learned to be my true friends, the people who cared, only a very small percentage of the people I knew. I guess the others just wanted sympathy and attention. They just wanted to play the “my friend just died” card. They were over the world about my supposed death. 

I leave before the funeral ends. I retreated to my apartment. Elizabeth Burch was now gone, just a memory. Only little do I regret what I did. I regret leaving my friends, even though it's probably best. I already bought a new car with a new license plate under the name, “Clara Walls”. Almost all of my belongings were already in the trunk. The only things that remained were the items that I could easily carry. As the sun started to set, I piled myself into the small bug-looking car and drove approximately 3 hours outside of town, far from any hospitals. I got to a town where the missing posters hadn’t been taken down yet. Not far enough. It didn't matter though, this was only a spot to stop at a gas station for a snack. I know they wouldn't know me from the posters. I had changed my hair from a long flowing blonde to a vibrant black short layered cut. I finally arrived at our destination. A cabin on the outskirts of a small town in Oregon. It may not have been out of state,  but it would work.

TIME SKIP: 13 years.

I've been living in Crescent, Oregon for about 13 years now. I have been doing detective work. It doesn't bring in many exciting things, mainly just petty theft. I adopted one of the K-9 puppies that couldn't work a few years back. Grim was a black, long-haired German Shepherd. He was my best friend. Work was somewhat boring, well up until Jan 14, 2019. I look down at my desk, still a little hungover from having my 31st birthday the night before. I read something that made my heart almost stop. Shit. It was a break in the case of Elizabeth Burch from Portland Oregon. My family had a thing for keeping things as they’ve always been. For example, when my older sister went off to college, her room was untouched. It was like she never left. 

There was a break in the case. A book of the maps of Oregon had been found. A book of maps where the town that I had found to be home, had a small dog-eared page. I vaguely remember hiding that in the bottom of a wardrobe somewhere. Why? Why had they gone into my old room? After 13 years to the day. Then it hit me. 13 had always been my favorite number. They must have remembered that. I had been just 18 when I “died”. I realized what I had to do. I had to confess what happened. Why I had to get out, this was going to be a “fun” drive. I get home and pack a few things into a bag. As I’m packing when my boss calls about the case. Crap. I try to explain everything. He surprisingly isn’t mad. I look at him as I did my father. The fact he wasn’t mad made me tear up and I started to cry. I hung up, finished packing, packed Grim into the car, and went back to Portland as Elizabeth Burch. 

After a long 3 hours, I arrived in Portland. I drive into town and the first place I stop is my own grave. Wait. There is someone there. Then I realize who's at my grave. It's Wyatt. He was one of my best friends when I was Elizabeth. I get out of the car and walk up to him.” Wyatt”? I ask. He looks back like he’s seen a ghost. Well I mean he kinda has. “Lizzy”? I nod. He runs and hugs me. He then does something I didn’t expect. He gives me a well-deserved bitch slap. I’m not even mad, all I say is, “Fair enough”. “What in the world were you thinking, did you not think of us” he yells at me. I do not respond, all I do is give a confused look. “We missed you terribly. You should probably know this, Lucy is dead.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Lucy was one of my best friends when I was Elizabeth. Wyatt can tell by my face that I’m about to cry. He pulls me into a hug and we talk for a while at my grave. 

We decided to walk into town and go to the diner we always went to. We are about to order our regulars when the waitress recognizes me. “Elizabeth”? She asks. When I nod she goes on about how I wouldn’t know her but she never gave up hope and knew I would come back. When she catches herself talking too much she apologizes and takes our orders. We get our food and continue talking. After we pay and are saying our goodbyes he slips in an, ” I love you”. I stop mid-sentence. Had I heard that correctly? “What”? I ask, still a bit in shock. “Here, this will clear it up”. He strides right up to me and kisses me. When we pull away my face feels like it’s on fire. He takes out a pen and writes his new number on my hand. He nods and says, “Now get out of here and go see your parents”. 

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Stick Season (10/14)

Summary: After Finn dies, Kurt leaves everything he knows behind without a trace. His hometown, his family, his boyfriend. When his dad has a medical scare, he returns to Lima, one year after breaking Blaine’s heart with no explanation.

A non-chronological series of one shots and drabbles set in this universe

Tropes/Genres: Angst, Reconciliation, Grief, Alcoholism, Mentions of Major Character Death, Mental Health

Track 9: Strawberry Wine // Day 10: Time In A Bottle

A/N: Trigger warning for description of a character having a panic attack

Words: 1094

They’re in Kurt’s car, the heater blasting, cutting through the freezing air as they pull up to the tall iron gates that Kurt’s only ever visited once.

He grips the wheel tight. “You… you don’t have to stay.”

After calling Blaine and meeting him at the Paper Tiger, they’d climbed in Kurt’s car to talk, but the only thing that had come out of his mouth was, “I need to go somewhere.”

“Then take me with you,” Blaine replied.

And so now, here they are.

Blaine doesn’t answer. He unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs out the car door. Kurt’s a bit hurt, but understands.

At least until Blaine walks forward towards the gate and pulls them open, as if saying, “After you.”

After Kurt drives through, Blaine re-enters the car, and they drive through the path of the cemetery all the way to the headstone with his brother’s name on it.

Kurt reaches into the back seat for something and pulls out a bottle of strawberry wine.

Blaine’s face is void of any judgment. “Do you… want to drink that?” he asks carefully.

Kurt considers lying for a moment, but doesn’t. “Yes. I always do, when I get… nervous.” He inhales purposefully, filling his lungs with courage. “But I won’t. It’s not for me. Finn brought me back a bottle after he went to that wine tasting. The day you and I had our first date. When he finally had some he said it was even better than beer, which, for Finn, was the highest of honors. Closest thing I have to a physical memory, I guess.”

“Just a little time in a bottle.”

Kurt's mouth twitches, and he nods.

The grass on the cemetery lawn is sharp, the blades of grass sharpened into icicles by the cold. They press into Kurt’s pants as he sits cross legged and places the bottle of wine next to Finn’s headstone.

It’s ages before either of them dares to break the silence.

“I’m still…” Kurt starts, but the words are trapped in his closing throat. He swallows them down, and Blaine grabs his hand, icy to the touch until Kurt wraps it in his free one. “I’m still figuring out how to grieve like a normal person.” It’s the first time he’s admitted it—to himself, to anyone.

“Carole. She. She couldn’t get out of bed for days. And I—I felt like a shark, I couldn’t stop baking, I couldn’t stop from keeping my hands busy and when that wasn’t enough I ran, I ran and ran thinking I could outrun this weight on my chest and now that I’ve run out of places to go it’s finally all caught up with me and it’s suffocating.” 

All this time, Kurt thought he’d been outrunning his pain, but that hasn’t been the case. He’s been carrying it with him all over the country, of course he’s winded. The exhaustion from hauling around the pain he’s caused by leaving his family, leaving Blaine, what he did to Finn—and the pain he’s been enduring by going through it all on his own—has finally caught up with him.

That’s why the air suddenly freezes in his windpipe.

He places a hand on his chest, willing his lungs to expand and draw in air. It’s no use. Each gasp of breath is superficial, and doing about as much good as inhaling underwater. When it rains, it pours, and Kurt’s allowing the tears that spring to his eyes to fall with reckless abandon.

“I’m so sorry,” he manages between jagged, shallow breaths, “I’m so fucking sorry.” He doesn’t even register anything else for a moment—can’t get himself to stop apologizing long enough to take a proper breath, to give the dark purple spots encroaching on his vision a moment to recede—until something cuts through.

“Hey, hey,” Blaine says, his voice soothing like a siren’s song. “It’s okay, you’re okay. What do you need?”

Therapy, probably.

“Just hold me,” Kurt begs, and Blaine readily obliges.

“What are three things you can see? You don’t have to answer out loud, but nod when you have them.”

Kurt’s shaking so hard he’s certain his bones are rattling, teeth chattering, heaven against Blaine’s warmth covering him like a blanket. He sees the grass, washed blue by the winter moonlight, the dusty gray clouds, blanketing the stars. He sees the bottle of wine he brought for Finn, leaned up against his headstone as the reflection of the moon shines off a corner. He sees Blaine’s arms around his torso.

Kurt nods, signaling he’s mentally listed all these things.

“Okay, two things you can hear.”

As Kurt’s breathing begins to regulate itself again, he listens for the sound of the wind whipping across the landscape, and Blaine’s voice. “I… I h-hear the wind. A-and yyyour voice,” he answers shakily this time.

“Good. You’re doing great. Last one, I promise. One thing you can feel.”

Just one? 

Kurt can feel Blaine’s arms wrapped tightly around him, anchoring him after spending an entire year alone, detached, and so, so lost. He feels the warmth radiating from Blaine’s chest, bright and sunny enough to keep the cold around them at bay. He feels the truth in the thought that if he were a formless shape and Blaine were an empty space, they’d fit, in any universe. He feels the security of a bond so strong it grabs him by the shoulders and says, I’m not going anywhere, and even though Kurt hasn’t done anything to earn that, he believes it. 

He feels safe. He feels connected.

He feels loved.

Without caring about his puffy eyes or red cheeks or the tear tracks on his face, Kurt reaches up a gloved hand to Blaine’s face and pulls their lips together.

Because the universe is kind and much more generous to Kurt than he deserves, Blaine doesn’t pull away. Instead, he places a hand behind Kurt’s neck and tugs and sucks in a long breath, as if frustrated at their skin for being the only boundary between their hearts, for not being closer. Their noses bump messily against one another as Kurt brings another hand up to Blaine’s beautiful, beautiful face and they fall backwards on the icy grass from the force of the kiss.

Kurt’s been in Lima for nearly two weeks now, but finally, he’s home.

There is still an ache in Kurt that needs to be sorted out and dealt with, but right now, he can’t help but be amazed at how even beyond the grave, Finn is still bringing them together.

[doctorstethoscope]

Fluffy February Day 23 || Memory

pairing: will x mack

wordcount: 888 (angel numbers anyone)

contains: canonical minor character death, loss of a parent, cigarette smoking, mentions of child and domestic abuse and alcoholism, this one is def not the fluffiest of the month

Mack rips off her headset as soon as the broadcast goes off, grabs Jim by his shirtsleeve as he turns to walk out. 

“Clear everybody out, alright?” Mack asks of her producer.

“Is he okay?” Jim asks. Will hadn’t been himself for the whole broadcast, but the 30 seconds of silence in the last block had been unnerving for everyone on staff. 

Mackenzie sighs. “No, he’s not. But it’s personal, and he’d just about die if I told you–”

“Understood. I’ll get everyone out of here. Let me know if you need anything else,” Jim offers with a decisive nod before heading out of the control room to gather the troops. 

Will hasn’t moved, and Mackenzie pushes the doors open to the studio ferociously. “Will,” she calls out to him, quietly. She rushes to his side, sees that he’s crying. “Oh, Will.” 

“My dad died,” Will chokes out. He’s not sobbing, not by a long run, but his eyes are rimmed red and his tears are dripping onto his tie.  

“I know, hon, I know.” Will hasn’t moved away from the desk at all, but Mack can’t not be close to him, so she awkwardly props herself up on the news desk and angles her torso towards him, putting one hand on his cheek and the other on his shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry Billy.”

Will takes a deep breath, clears his throat. “I’m not,” he decides. “Why should I be?” He says, not sounding like he believes it in the slightest. 

Mackenzie knows better than to argue. “Let’s go to your office, yeah?” She takes his hand and leads him there, shutting the door behind them despite the fact that the newsroom is, thankfully, empty. Will collapses into his desk chair, reaches into a drawer and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. 

“Sorry, I know you hate this,” Will mutters as he lights his up.

“Not tonight,” she shakes her head. “Give me one.”

Will looks at her, aghast. “It’s not very ladylike,” he remarks, and she almost smiles. It’s so like him, to tease her at a time like this. 

“Watch it, mister,” she warns as she holds her hand out. He obliges her, lighting the cigarette for her once she’s got it between two fingers. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mackenzie’s head was swimming, wondering what Will was thinking about. She knew that John, Will’s father, had been abusive. Will had told her that much, when they were still together. He hadn’t ever offered details, and while she told him she’d always be there to listen, she never felt any desire to push him for details. She couldn’t imagine how it felt to grieve when it was tied up with the white hot rage she knew Will still carried. 

“My dad taught me how to drive stick before I went off to college,” Will breaks the silence after he finishes his first cigarette, telling the story as he lights his second. “He wasn’t much of a teacher, half drunk, but I figured it out just fine. We drove around rural Nebraska with the windows rolled down, and he taught me how to get rid of a hangover, and he told me what kind of girl I should bring home; nothing like you, by the way. He would have hated you,” Will told Mackenzie with a little chuckle. “Which, of course, has only ever been a point in your favor. But, anyways… the drives were nice. We talked about music, and about the farm, and sports. It was like he was a different guy, in the car. It seemed like maybe he could be a guy who didn’t live to make my life miserable.” 

“That’s really nice, Billy. It makes me really happy that you have that memory,” she tells him, honestly. 

“He was a sick bastard, Mack. He beat my mother. Hell, he beat me.” 

“I know,” she said, trying to infuse her voice with unmistakable, irrefutable understanding. 

“So then why the fuck am I so upset?” He asks, desperate for answers he’s certain no one has.

“He was still your father, Billy. And now you have to grieve your dad, and the person you always hoped your dad would turn around and become someday.” 

Will laughs again, but it’s humorless. “He really would have hated you. I told him about you once, when we were dating. Told him that you were smarter than me, way out of my league. He asked how I was going to keep you in line.” 

It was Mackenzie’s turn to laugh, now. 

“Yeah, well, that’s basically how I reacted, too,” he confesses. “That, and a lecture on the idea of a kept woman in the 21st century. He didn’t take to it kindly.” 

“It’s okay to miss him, Will.” Mack tells him. 

“I wish I didn’t,” he sighs. 

“I know. Can I call Dr. Habib for you?” She asks.

“No, no,” Will waves her off. “I’ve got an appointment the day after tomorrow. I’ll be okay until then.”

“Good,” she smiles.

“Kenz?” He asks, nearly a whisper. 

“Yeah.”

“Will you… come back to my place tonight? You don’t need to stay, of course. I just… it’s a big, empty apartment. I’d like some company, if you’re available.” 

“Of course, Billy. Go ahead and call the car.”

tagging: @spacecowboyhotch @angelfxllcm @honeybrowne @rousethemouse @infinite-tides @gspenc @anlin2058 @zetasaturno99 @realdirectionx @witheldclouds @sbeno22 @el-vs94 @hausofwhores

[therubyreader]

My Review of Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Review Word Count, non-spoiler: 824 Review Word Count Total: 1,432

So, I caved. After seeing all the hype that Legendborn was getting both on here and on TikTok I was finally convinced to read it despite the fact that I’m not a fan of Arthurian legends or really anything medieval for that matter and honestly, it does live up to the hype. Especially if you’re like me, and were weirdly obsessed with that Disney Channel movie, Avalon High, back in the day, this book has the same exact vibes and a very similar premise. Also, sidenote, I was Googling the movie to make sure I was remembering the title correctly, I found out it was originally a book written by Meg Cabot, aka the author of The Princess Diaries, so do with that information what you will. 

The book introduces us to Bree Matthews, a 16-year-old girl grieving the loss of her mother after she died in a tragic car accident. Her grief drives her away from home and to UNC-Chapel Hill, a university that has an early college program for promising high school students. On her first night there, she witnesses a flying demon that feeds on human energy get taken down by a group of teenagers, called Legendborn (roll credits), decedents of the knights of King Arthur with incredible abilities. When one of the teenagers, a Merlin, tries to wipe her memory of the night and it doesn’t work, Bree remembers this same magic was used on her the night her mother died. Realizing that there is more to her mother’s death than what she was originally led to believe, she infiltrates the Legendborn society on campus with the help of Nick, a self-exiled Legendborn, as they discover the secrets of the society while on the brink of a magical war between the demons and Legendborn. 

Like I said earlier, this book is great, definitely worth the hype it’s getting, it’s a great modern interpretation of Arthurian legends with a good amount of diversity that is treated respectfully and realistically. Of course, the most obvious one is Bree, a black girl, who is not only going through this magical adventure but being black and navigating the world and the magical adventure. Not to give too much away outside of the spoiler section but Bree’s background and the history of black people as a whole in the US is a big part of the plot and Bree’s journey which I think is beautiful. As a non-black POC I think that part of Bree’s story was done so well, and I can really sympathize with her despite not being able to explicitly relate. There’s also a nonbinary character in the book named Greer and I honestly didn’t fully realize they were nonbinary because they were so seamlessly integrated into the story that I didn’t bat an eye at the use of they/them pronouns. And there are also queer characters who are unapologetically queer, and happy, and just being people, their identities are very much a part of their character but not their whole character.  

And, for being the author’s debut novel, it honestly isn’t written like one, the writing is good and easy to follow so you become immersed in the world very easily. I will say the prologue is written a bit like a 2010s, Wattpad story and some of the rest of the book has the same vibes from time to time but it honestly isn’t a big deterrent. I will though, complain about the love triangle because I hate almost all love triangles and think they’re bad. I might’ve said this before, but I think most love triangles are a cheap way to make your plot more exciting (which this book did not need at all, it’s exciting enough as is) especially when one of the potential partners is a genuinely nice person and the other one is very obviously a POS. Honestly, the whole book could’ve done without it, the writing and story were compelling enough to where a love triangle wasn’t needed to fill in any spots that were lacking and I was going to talk more about why I specifically don’t like certain characters as love interests but I noticed that this fandom is violent about shipping so I will keep it to myself.  

Overall, I do recommend the book to anyone who’s looking for a fresh take on Arthurian legends or YA fiction and can stomach your standard amount of blood and violence. There are descriptions of violence experienced by slaves and general racism so be warned. Besides the aforementioned love triangle beef I have, and the fact that there is some Welsh that doesn’t get translated into English which was a pet peeve of mine even more so now that I have made a Welsh friend after I returned the book to the library, so I’ll just never know. I will give this book an it’s very good and worth all the hype out of ten. 

Spoilers Below!!

Ok, let’s talk a little bit about the love triangle. I will preface this with the fact that Bree is 16 and hasn’t really experienced any romantic attention up until this point so she’s acting how a regular 16-year-old would act in that situation, and I know full well that 16-year-old me wouldn’t have been any smarter. That being said, I honestly think that Sel is a bad choice based on his actions in this book alone (yes, I have read the second one but I’m not going to talk about it here). This man literally spent the majority of the book trying to kill her and sent literal demons after her, but they slow danced once, and he called her “cariad” now y’all are foaming at the mouth. This isn’t hate towards Sel as a character, mostly, but like, come on. That’s all I’m saying because this fandom is violent, and I like living.  

Moving on to things that don’t make me mad! Let’s just take a moment to appreciate Bree’s root. I absolutely loved how the author wove in traditional African and African American spiritual practices into a world where the knights of the roundtable were magical beings and the contrast, chef’s kiss. We have root where the users give back the magic they use, make offerings, and talk to their ancestors regularly versus aether which is just taken. There is a great metaphor here about colonialism and world history as a whole, but I’m not going to go deep into that and get too radical in a book review so I’m going to let you all just think on it.  

Another thing I really liked about the book was how real the characters felt, all of them were unique individuals with distinct personalities and motivations. Not all the characters were necessarily good people, some were honestly horrible and evil, but you can understand where they’re coming from even if you don’t agree, a la “cool motive, still murder”. I did like that in the story the villain wasn’t evil just because, he had a reason to want to be evil, but it honestly made for a more enjoyable story especially when you contrast Nick’s dad with the demons who are evil just because. Also, just a side note on Mr. Davis being the villain all along, that was so unexpected but made so much sense when he explained his evil plan, I think it was a fun surprise that I hadn’t predicted in the beginning.  

Of course, I have to talk about the twist at the end where it turns out that Bree is Arthur’s scion and not Nick, mind blowing. There’s something, I don’t know how to describe it, but karmatic about a black girl being the king of the round table after her ancestor was raped by the scion of Arthur all those years ago. That old slave owner couldn’t have ever predicted that his disgusting actions would one day see a black girl as the head of his secret organization, so take that horrible man. On top of that, the organization as a whole is pretty racist, just the way that it’s all white and how they treat Bree and Sarah’s dad, so double take that racists, a black girl is your king.  

Moral of the story, read this book for a YA adventure mixed with serious real-world topics and a lovable cast of characters. Everyone who is hyping this book online is correct and I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy especially since there are rumors that the last book in the series will be released sometime next year.  

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

After the Fall- Hannigram x OC

Hannibal Lecter x Celine Lennox x Will Graham

Description: Life for Hannibal, Will and Celine after the fall in Florence. 

Word Count: 1.2k

It was easy enough for Celine to lie to everyone. After discovering that both Hannibal and Will were alive, it was obvious that she would want to stay with them. Circumstances made that difficult though (considering that 1. They were thought to be dead by the United States FBI and literally everyone else, and 2. They’re now known cannibal serial killers), they couldn’t come back to Baltimore with her. There was a simple solution though: stay in Lithuania.

It would be easy to lie to everyone. Celine would just say that she had such a good time in Lithuania that she wanted to stay, at least for the time being. Besides, it was always good for someone grieving to get away from the memories, it just made sense. The others didn’t know that Hannibal and Will were alive, so they could be easily persuaded.

It was a sad goodbye to all her friends, but she knew that she was doing this for a good reason and (hopefully) she would see them all one day soon. That’s what pushed her through her trip back to America to get the rest of her clothes and a few other belongings. Thankfully, no one could tell that she was lying. Celine smirked internally, not everyone could say that they successfully lied to the FBI, let alone the Behavioral Analysis Unit, a unit that’s literally supposed to tell when someone’s lying. 

Will and Hannibal were there to greet the girl when she arrived at the airport. It only took her a few minutes after grabbing her go bags for her to spot them. Well, to spot Hannibal at least. He was 6’0, a good three inches taller than Will, who was 5’9. Celine grinned upon spotting his silver hair, and she did her best to not just run as she made her way over to them. Will was the first to notice as she approached and he copied her grin as he began walking over to her. They met each other halfway and Celine set her bags down to all but jump into his arms. 

“Celine you were only away for a week,” Will muttered with a small laugh as she hugged him tightly, though he was hugging her the exact same way.

“And we still have more than two years to make up for. Let me have this,” she mumbled into his shoulder. The man shook his head amusedly but kissed the side of her head. Just a second later, Celine noticed her other lover standing just off to the side waiting patiently for his turn. She pressed a quick kiss to Will’s lips before pulling away and holding her arms out for Hannibal. He didn’t hesitate to step closer to her and envelope her in a hug. 

“I trust that you had a good flight?” He inquired softly. 

“Of course,” the girl giggled. “You did everything but get me my own plane darling.” 

“I like to spoil the people I love,” he shrugged before grinning. “I missed you, my brangioji (darling).” That made Celine smile and she rested her forehead against his. 

“I missed you too, dearest,” she muttered. Hannibal’s smile widened just a bit  before Will rested a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“Let’s get you home, I'm sure it’s been a long day for you,” he instructed softly. The girl nodded then moved to grab her bags, but was beaten to it by Hannibal. She knew better than to argue about it, so she instead took Will’s hand and allowed the men to lead her out of the airport to Hannibal’s car. 

“You know,” Hannibal started as they drove home. “Will and I have been thinking.”

“That’s always dangerous,” Celine half joked from the passenger seat. That made Will chuckle and Hannibal roll his eyes playfully. 

“Very funny Celine,” the latter mumbled amusedly.

“You think I’m kidding, but the last time you said that, I thought you two died in Florence,” the girl continued. Though she was smiling as she said it, both men could spot the bittersweet tone in her words. 

“Alright, fair enough,” Will muttered. “But this time I think you’ll like what we’ve been thinking.” Celine hummed. 

“What is it?” 

“Well, since certain circumstances have brought us together again, we’ve realized that there was some unfinished business concerning you,” Hannibal began. “Something that you had probably been looking forward to with us.” 

Celine was confused, and she racked her brain for what he could possibly be talking about. Her head snapped to Will when he leaned forward and gingerly reached a hand out. It didn’t take her long to realize he had unclasped the necklace around her neck. Well, it wasn’t really a necklace. After Jack told her that the guys were dead, Alana gave her two rings, one was Will’s and one Hannibal’s. They were their engagement rings that the boys had given her to remember them by. She put them on the chain and had been wearing them ever since. It hadn’t even occurred to her to give them back after finding out that they were actually alive.

“What would you say about getting married now that we’re all together?” Will asked softly, not taking his eyes off of her. Though she knew that this was coming, she couldn’t help but tear up as she nodded. 

“I would love nothing more,” she responded earnestly, taking the rings off the chain and slipping Will’s onto his finger. Hannibal waited until they were at a stoplight to hold his hand out to her, to which she slipped the ring on. 

“Still a perfect fit my Cinderellas,” she teased. Will rolled his eyes but rested a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it gently. 

“You’re lucky we love you,” Hannibal muttered as he continued driving, which made Celine giggle. 

They were married within a year. Celine had a blast planning it, and they all looked absolutely stunning standing at the altar together. They didn’t need a honeymoon, they just went home that evening and celebrated there. Celine joked that it felt like a honeymoon with both her loves there. 

The guys learned of Celine’s killing hiatus after they “died,” and they were shocked to find out she stopped because it didn’t feel right doing it without them. Of course, they had to do something about it. Hannibal and Will tracked down someone that had been rude to her at the market just a few days earlier. It was easy for Celine to get back into the flow of things, and Hannibal even allowed her to help him cook while Will sat on the counter. 

Things seemed to go back to the way they were before the fall, yet it was still different this time. Celine had a new air of certainty to her, one that made her more sure of herself and less self conscious with her decisions. Both Hannibal and Will couldn’t be more happy to be there watching their wife prosper. Anyone could see that she was much happier now that she was there with them. Well, they could see that all three of them were happy with each other, and nothing could bring them down from that.

[alphinias]

Jeremiah is so INSUFFERABLE in the first three episodes and I actually can’t believe this is the BJ season and audiences are supposed to root for them? This man hasn’t talked to belly in like almost a year and the first real conversation they have about Susannah dying and then not talking he thrOWS HER BREAK UP IN HER FACE AND BASICALLY SAYS I TOLD YOU SO???? Like hmm.. I thought he was the “nice one” who was empathetic and cared more for belly? Like I’m sorry in what world bc he clearly only cares about himself? And the way he like at any given opportunity during the car ride up to cousins and when they were going to see aunt Julia was calling Conrad an asshole and shit talking him unprovoked… never once giving his brother grace for GRIEVING their mother??? Like the stark parallel to the fisher boys fighting/not communicating vs the Conklin siblings fighting and Steven and Taylor having a convo where Steven admits he was wrong and doesn’t shit talk belly with the clear intention of making things right once he sees belly again? Like Jeremiah makes everything about his feelings, he’s so selfish!!!!!!!!!! and thinking that we have already sat through belly assuaging his ego (“I called you first not him” meanwhile like the bold face lie bc we know she would’ve called Conrad had she not acted like a fool at that funeral) and are gonna have to sit through it to prove narratively that he’s the better choice (for the time being) makes me wanna gauge my eyeballs out!!!! He makes my blood boil

Yeah, I’m not going to act like both Jeremiah and Conrad don’t have flaws, because they definitely do, but personally Jeremiah’s drive me insane. The selfishness is a huge ick for me (and so is the fact that he can’t even change a tire! Ew!). One is too selfless and the other is selfish so there’s no choice whatsoever for me.

And he’s spent his whole life competing with Conrad and it’s clear there’s a part of him that jumps on every opportunity to think less of him for this reason or that. I did like the brother talk at the end, but the constant shit talking is super annoying. I do think a part of it is Jeremiah grieving in his own way too and taking certain things out on Conrad, which I can understand how that works for that character but still don’t personally like. I do love how Belly and Steven will fight like cats and dogs but ultimately for the most part they’d be like “no one can shit talk my sibling but me.”

In comparison to Jeremiah, Conrad’s main flaw is thinking he has to do everything himself, even to the detriment of people around him, but he was making so much progress with Belly and telling her so many things he’s never told anyone. They’re super compatible. But then he backslid because he’s an 18 year old kid and his mom died, so personally I can’t be too mad at him for that.

I think ultimately, even though he irritates me, I can see why someone else might like Jeremiah. Just not for Belly over Conrad.

[cerinsbloggingdead]

Season 1 and 2 Overview

So I didn’t make this blog until I got to the last episode of season 2, so I’m just going to compile what I want to talk about for those two seasons into one post.

Lori

So I remember back when the walking dead first came out and I was a kid watching it, I hated Lori with my entire being. I didn’t understand why she would cheat on her husband, thought her attitude was horrible, etc. watching now as an adult I understand so much more. Shane had told her Rick was dead, and why would she have any reason to believe other than that? I believe that she wanted to keep Carl safe and Shane was that protector for them in those times. She was most likely grieving or trying to distract herself from doing so. And I feel like it’s almost in a way like a rebound. She needed to move on and keep living for her son and so she found something in Shane that she needed to keep living. I can’t say that I blame her or dislike her for this at all.

Where I start to get confused is the back and forth that she has with Shane. One minute she’s telling him to leave her and her son alone, the next minute she’s mad when he doesn’t give Carl much more than a “listen to your mom.” I also can’t fathom how she can ask Shane to stay with the group after he assaults her.

Then there’s the situation after Rick tells her that he has killed Shane. When Rick is recounting the events she seems confused and sad/upset. Her big angry reaction though comes after Rick reveals that Carl “put Shane down.” I can see this as something where she’s mad at Rick for having their son be the one to kill the zombified version of Shane since she already thinks that Carl is becoming cold to the world. I do wonder though if part of it comes from anger that she no longer has Shane looking out for them or pining after her anymore - even as disturbing as he did it.

I wish Lori had a different way of being written because to me she is very unlikeable. I felt very much like she was wanting to be faithful to Rick but that part of her still wanted that attention from Shane.

Maggie and Glenn

So, hear me out. I know that they’re a solid couple from what I remember watching seasons in the past. I also am so aware that it’s literally the zombie apocalypse and that time is not a luxury that everyone is afforded now. But them confessing their love for each other felt so so rushed. And then when Glenn confesses his love he says he’s loved Maggie for a long time…. You’ve know each other maybe a week or two? It’s a small detail and it’s not that serious but good Lordy. I’m excited for their relationship to blossom though don’t get me wrong.

Sophia

Now before I get blasted I am so well aware that Sophia was a child. Children don’t have a fully formed mind and make stupid decisions that don’t make sense. With that out of the way, WHY??????? Why did Sophia get done and do that. First, the herd had not even fully passed. She had been quiet and still the whole time the large chunk was moving past. And then as soon as she doesn’t see feet move directly in front of her face for like 5 seconds she just gets out from under the car??? Like the walkers still turn around you know. They haven’t gone that far. But anyway, this was dumb. Then she runs into the woods. Okay fair decision honestly. But THEN Rick like helps her right? And he tells her to wait in the little like dug out thing and don’t move until he comes back. And then he also says if he doesn’t come back after a while to head the same way she came from. Rick literally leads the walkers off camera AND THEN THREE SECONDS LATER SISTER IS LEAVING THE DUG OUT. Now…. Now come on. I’m just so mad about it. I know that they needed it to happen to have Carols story but god damn it. It still makes me so sad.

Other Character Tidbits

Dale

I forgot how much I liked Dale. He always seemed to know what was going on in the gossip. He is a nosey bitch and honestly me too. Sad that he died how he did. Can’t say I agreed with all his actions and opinions but he was still cool and I liked his hat.

Carol

One of my favorite characters from what I remember. Her story starts so sad but she’s gonna become a badass soon and I’m ready for it.

Daryl

Everyone was also so thirsty for Daryl when I was growing up and like, honestly, yeah. I get it. Hate his brother (side note the full on N word really shook the fuck out of me when it happened in season 1) fully though.

Little Things from the Last Episode of Season 2

I don’t know why, but it drives me absolutely crazy that the group is always leaving their car doors open. It makes me actually insane. Please just shut the door. It isn’t that hard. Maybe it’s my own personal paranoia and my parents yelling at me to close the car door as a kid, but like surely it’s just not a good thing to do. What if someone or something crawls in? Just shut your damn car doors people.

MICHONNES ENTRANCE IS SO FUCKING SICK!!! I’m so excited to see more of her because I remember she was one of my favorites back in the day.

At the very end of the episode when the group is camping out by the wall and are questioning why they’re listening to Rick and why they don’t leave and Rick spits the line “this isn’t a democracy anymore.” I’m so interested to see if and how this forms later on. Because again, this was something I didn’t fully understand and catch on to as a child. I feel like it’s been less of a democracy anyway but still, with Rick making a big statement like this I’m excited to see what’s up.