#I reread the first part of this and said damn. that's gay. even for me that's like really fucking gay

[nocentis]

Honeysuckle

⚶ ┆ Between his teeth and beneath his nails, an airy fruit light as love is bitten down to the rind. Even with his mouth full of pulp he finds himself desperate for her taste.

A sigh echoed and swallowed, kept locked in his chest like a secret. He held his breath until it burned; savored every hitch and every hum of her sacred song. Each curse spoken like a prayer, like praise; wept like gratitude wrenched raw from the soul — raked clean and spit out like the pit of a cherry. When he's forced to breathe, she is the hallowed riptide, and he would be blessed to drown in her lush.

Ripe as a peach at the crown of her cheeks; soft red flush so sticky sweet. Another of her colors comes to life in his mind. One shade closer to the divine.

⚶ ┆ Woven together like lace under the pale light of a waning moon. He can't be sure where he ends and she begins. She pierces straight through him like he belongs to her, and in some capacity, he knows that he does. There is no room left in his heart for desire of this nature. It has reached its bounds and collapsed inward on itself — a singularity the size of her that takes of these moments and stretches them infinitely, ever deeper, ever denser; inescapable.

Too much would never be enough and yet he counts every falling grain of timesand, tallies them up, and says his Hail Mary's in correspondence. Blessed is he for these hands to hold her, for these eyes to view her, for this mouth to speak her name. Blessed is he for the breath and the bread, the water, the whine.

Under his breath, to no god in particular, he issues his thanks.

"You're still awake." Her voice is strained by the small hours. The calm is sweeping her away and yet she remains afloat, waiting for the rise and fall of his chest to slow before she sinks into sleep. "Your train leaves early. You should rest."

His own voice is gravelly, thick with syrup, when he attempts to quell, "There will be another train. There is always another train."

There is nothing more important than this — her head on his chest and his fingers in her hair, scarlet as the sun's kiss and softer than silk.

She shifts so that she can look at him, and the nightglow catches the honey of her eye. "You should rest," she reiterates, and though she aims to chastise, he can feel her care bleeding through her touch.

"I will," he promises, though he chooses not to specify when. "I'm not ready for tomorrow."

He feels her hum before he hears it. Gentle as a lullaby, it dims his vision, and he finds a brief reprieve inside his eyelids.

"You're ready," she assures, succinct as ever.

"You're right," he concedes through a sigh, "I don't want this to end."

"Then don't end it," she slides her hand into his, weaves their fingers together in an airtight knit, "Water it. Let it grow. Keep it alive while we're apart."

He responds first through a light squeeze, a bit of humor trapped in his chest, and he can't deny that, "There are some things even I can't kill."

[pyroreadscomics]

What are your thoughts about Howard's Catwoman run?

The run being really gay doesn't save the writing from being really mediocre.

(More nuance below the cut)

Well that was snappy, unfortunately my thoughts are many and complicated and probably won't be entirely ironed out until a few months after she leaves the book or I reread the run again, or both. That phrase was something I said while reading through the series for the first time a some months ago that I still mostly stand by, but now feel the need to caveat and add nuance.

(Also, it feels weird that, because I put off answering this for months, the end of Howard’s run is just a few months away now, but I’m just going to assume the ending is neither so good it retroactively makes everything better or so bad it tanks the run with guilt by association)

When I say mediocre, I very specifically don't mean bad. I'm using mediocre to mean it's average, ordinary, of moderate quality. Not bad enough to hate, or even particularly dislike, but not good enough for me to shed a tear if it was suddenly canceled (which… seeing as it’s end is now on the horizon… I’m actually filled with anticipation as to what comes next.)

And like many multi-year runs, Howard's Catwoman has had it's ups and downs while it's low points are i think widely known: Her dialogue tends towards what i can only describe as AO3 generic, the plotting itself is sub-par, Gotham War disappointing even though there was no way to go into it with high expectations (joint effort i know, but even taking only half blame for it Tini Howard doesn't come out of that event looking remotely well), and I have an entire rant ready for how I dislike how Black Mask is used in that series.

1. The reintroduction of Eiko

But, that said, at this moment I do feel like calling out some highlights of Howard's run (or at least, the bits of it I really liked.)

Also yes, alot of this could be considered fanservice, but I’m at least acknowledging that things that make me happy don’t inherently make a run good. (but at least more enjoyable to slog through than Tom King’s batman or most of her New 52 stuff)

Okay, let me be clear, Eiko in this run is a shadow of her debut in Valentine's run but Selina's supporting cast has a worrying tendency to disappear without a trace after one, max two runs, so damn if it wasn't nice to see Eiko suddenly reappear in a major role in the Catwoman run after a 6 year absence and not have her confined to the dustbin of comic history alongside other Catwoman supporting cast members such as Gwen, Alice, Zee, Clutterbuck, Wilder, Arizona, and Cassandra Cartland (If you knew every single person i mentioned without having to check, I like you, and you like me also know too much about Catwoman)

If nothing else, if Eiko's appearances in this comic, and her guest appearances in other current Gotham stories (like Punchline: Gotham Game or Ram V's excellent Gotham Nocturne) manage to cement her as a persistent part of Catwoman's cast, this run will have done enough for me to earn a passing grade.

Also I like Eiko's new catsuit and not just because it makes it easier to tell her apart from Selina

2. Catwoman #43 & #44 (The Harley Quinn two parter)

Judging by the mood in the room, If anything gets me an angry response it's going to be this.

It's fun, it was a fun two parter, and honestly there are times when I wish more writers would stop trying to do the high drama stories they're kinda bad and instead write fun inconsequential side stories.

Also yes I do ship it. What of it?

Actually speaking of

3. The queerness.

It’s not a lot, but for a character who’s been out as bi since 2015 Selina is never written that way (at least in the main comics, I understand the HQ show and the recent movies have either explicitly or implicitly had bi Selina). Like it’s so bad Selina doesn’t even get pride tie in stuff, no appearances in the pride anthologies or even pride variant cover. JFC Nightwing gets one every year and last time i checked he was still canonical cishet. And… a bit like Eiko, but less important, it’s nice to have another run where Catwoman is canonically queer. Selina acknowledging Eiko as an ex, flirting with other women, that Selina and Harley sharing a bed scene. It’s just nice to have that part of Selina’s character acknowledged.

Also it’s so minor but the gay bar called Conroy’s got me just a bit.

4. Knight Terrors

On balance, despite me having criticisms of it, I did like it as a version of “What does Selina’s worst nightmares look like”. It’s not quite as good as Devin Grayson’s take on the matter (and ain’t that a sentence) but I’m a big fan of Selina’s mind dark fears conjuring force a lot of catholic imagery and doing something actually interesting with the Sister Zero concept. (It’s really just a shame that this story is clearly setting something up for Gotham War that never actually gets paid off, which is wild considering that was literally the month after Knight Terrors)

Lastly:

5. Valmont

Look, I really liked Valmont for two reasons, one of which is superficial, one of which actually had thought put into it.

Superficially: Selina deserves a whipped subby bisexual twink, as treat. Sure he's a cocky asshole, sure he looks like pirate au ghostmaker, sure he's ready to murder anyone who looks like a threat to his dom love (and honestly anyone in general), but honestly that's all part of the charm.

Because Bruce, as the whole wedding thing shows, is big on these concrete declarations of affection, even as he’s really bad at actually expressing his affection in more casual ways. And Eiko, as she says, is “comfortable with these declarations, names. Things like titles and vows.” So in dating either of them Selina would be consenting being put into a box and labeled, even if it's a box as unconstrained as “dating” and a label as loose as “girlfriend”.

But, putting a bit of thought into things, Valmont has this really interesting role in the story. He's the obviously incorrect choice in a love triangle, but also the one who Selina would pick anyway.

Like, the issue before he dies the story teases a bit of romance with Bruce and Selina, and earlier there were some teases (or.. maybe acknowledgement is the right word?) between Selina and Eiko. There's two existing love interests for Selina, Bruce, who's the moral and safe choice, the wedding bells and gaggle of step kids choice. And there's Eiko, who's a major crime lord, one who's conducting business with some of the worst in Gotham. If it was just the two of them (especially if Eiko was closer to her Valentine personality), it'd be a pretty classic "the good boy and the bad boy girl" love triangle but Valmont is here, and he adds an interesting angle onto that love triangle(?) (is it still a triangle when there's three potential lover interests?).

(A reversal on Eiko and Selina’s very undefined relationship in Valentine’s run, which could be seen as divergence for the character but also kinda makes sense. With Eiko ending that run by shedding Catwoman (and identity that embodied personal freedom and also rebellion against her father) to become the head of the Hagisawa family (an identity marked by responsibility to the family and her place as her father’s heir) that going forward she’d be a lot less likely to engage in a nebulous undefined relationship when her life is now, by choice, very defined. It’s still however one of those things that assumes a non-zero amount of character development happened off screen.)

But Valmont? Valmont doesn’t ask anything *of* Selina.

Sure he does initially, “hey here’s this cat, I know where you live, join my thieves guild”. But this tactic gets him shot down by Selina and at best relegated to “untrusted ally” status (and more likely “useful but dangerous”). But after this, and after a brief break during the CatQuinn two-parter, Valmont’s back with a new tactic called “I’ll do literally anything you ask of me, including stopping killing people, and ask for nothing in return.” Which… with Selina being somewhat adverse to long term commitment (or commitment in general depending on the writer) this works.

Valmont’s hardly a healthier romantic option (he might not be the worst person Selina’s ever dated, but he’s still at the end of the day an arrogant invasive assassin) but he puts a spin on himself that makes Selina let her guard down around him and they do eventually become some vaguely undefined item.

And then in his final issue, Bruce accuses him of still being loyal to the league of assassins and of manipulating Selina. Then he kills again in the process of undoing a problem he caused, and gets in a big fight with Bruce about it. And when Valmont goes to kill Bruce, she kills Valmont which… It’s a weird moment for Selina, she’s normally very reserved about killing people and while yes needing to save Bruce could theoretically push her far enough. But also, it’s the best thing this run could do with Valmont.

Because Bruce’s accusations (along with Valmont’s general sketchiness) lead to this question with Valmont: does he genuinely love Selina, or is he using her for some unknown end? Because he know what he’s naturally like (down with murder) and we know he’s changed his behavior, but we don’t know whether it was because he wanted to be with Selina enough to change himself for that chance (which… understandable) or, if he was on some deep cover mission to manipulate Selina towards and he changed behavior in order to further his own covert ends. And… imo the possibility of it being one or the other is more interesting than any story you could get out of committing one way or the other.

And by killing Valmont, the run gets out of having to answer this question, which, again imo, is the most intelligent narrative decision this run made aside from bringing back Eiko.

That said, If in the last two issues Howard answers the question of “what really was up with Valmont” I’m retroactively taking back all of this praise and will be downgrading this run to "of poor quality but at least Eiko's here"

[tremendouskoalachild]

Star Wars (1977) #01

Roy Thomas, Apr 12 1977

So I decided to reread the 1977 Marvel run of Star Wars comics, as one does. I was probably just going to post a compilation of horrible Luke faces in each issue but then decided to compare some of the lines to the movie and shooting script, and this post happened 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I might as well talk about the cover, right? I love everything about it. Identifying the genre correctly. The cursed logo (how do you fuck up the letter A. why keep the letters as they appear in the movie if you aren't going to connect them. look at that second R - it has a broken leg for no reason now. why is that W the only sharp edge when its middle is flat in the actual logo).

I love Leia's look and expression. I love how the colors mostly correspond to the movie but Han has a magenta gun and Darth Vader is green. Also the red lightsabers fuck (I assume that color came from early concept art but it may be stylistic or a fuckup I guess). "WILL HE SAVE THE GALAXY - OR DESTROY IT?" damn

also that publication date is off by several months lmao

The second page shows a space battle with the title crawl in several boxes. It is almost word for word the crawl from the fourth draft script (dated march 1976), just with more ALL-CAPS FOR EMPHASIS. The order of paragraphs is also changed. The main difference from the movie version is no mention of Leia. This paragraph also seems to imply a greater rebel threat than subsequent material would show, as well as reference earlier rebel victories:

The narration further on is largely taken from the script too, including referring to droids as robots, which makes sense but is still funny to me. The dialogue calls them droids just like the final film though.

This dialogue also mostly copies the script. One difference from the film I noticed immediately is Threepio mentioning the Captain instead of the Princess - he does not know her in the earlier drafts.

We are also introduced to Luke, who looks... not at all like a teenager and is capable of nimble leaps. This is adapted from the first half of Luke's deleted introduction scene.

Page 4 finally shows us Darth Vader! Look at him go, even stepping outside his panel. Adorably, just like in the fourth draft he is after information tapes, while the final version wisely has him simply look for "plans". He is also referred to as a Dark Lord of the Sith, which while mentioned in the novelization is never said in any of the OT films.

Leia has a beautiful cheesy comic book moment. It's kinda ruined by the next panel reminding us that there are no bras in space (friendly reminder that she is referred to as a "lovely young girl (about sixteen years old)" at this point in the script).

Page 6 follows with the second half of the Tosche Station deleted scene and even keeps Luke almost running over an old woman from the script:

The next page picks up with Leia sassing Vader and plays out much like the film. One interesting tidbit is Vader mentioning that Leia's ship passed through a restricted system, which you could see as an accidental connection to Rogue One's ending.

I also love Vader's sunglasses look and the Hidden Fortress allusion. I do wonder why the imperials seem to think the escape pod is a "repair pod" but that line comes directly from the script as well.

Page 9 adapts yet another deleted scene, where Biggs tells Luke he's joining the Rebellion. (It's a great scene btw. Very gay. Luke's adorable in it.)

The next scene on the Death Star plays out much like in the film. I love Vader randomly fucking with the other imperials by floating a cup. This part is also in the script but not the final movie for some reason :(

Next comes the droid selling scene, quite similar to the finished film. The interesting part happens as Luke is cleaning the droids:

Threepio why are you sitting like that 😳 Hologram Leia is channeling Carrie Fisher's you're my only hoe tweet. Luke has never seen a hologram and is surprised they are 3D. 3PO standing like a terminator in that last panel. I know everyone has been laughing at Luke's faces in these comics for nearly 50 years but this one... is he crosseyed. What happened to his cheeks. Why did his haircut suddenly get worse. I will even forgive that lil Leia is neither movie blue nor "a rainbow of colors" like in the script, these panels are everything to me.

Next we get the dinner scene, where Owen gets quite a bit more heated than in the film:

I would also like to highlight this panel because I find it funny:

"Lar's" doesn't seem to a typo here as it is consistently used in the whole script and only changes to Lars in a later draft. The comic keeps this too:

Sidenote: I guess this comic gives more context to the abusive uncle Owen characterization which I've seen in several pre-prequel fanfics.

The issue ends with Luke getting jumped by a Tusken Raider. The descriptions are once again taken from the script and I very much do not like them.

I haven't really found a definitive source for the claim that the Tuskens were consciously based on the Bedouin but their depiction in Lucas' films definitely rubs me the wrong way regardless.

The last two pages have some behind the scenes info and promote the film. This is also how I learned that the iconic A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away got only added later:

Anyway. Have some more awful Lukes:

[readtilyoudie]

JANUARY 2024 READS

I wanted to do something different this year with the wrap-ups. I'm not great at getting reviews out, but like, what if I picked five books each month that I felt strongly about and comment on them? So let's see if I stick with it.

Acceptance by Jeff VanderMeer. Are you allowed to like a series when you have also been confused by said series the entire time? I mean, it's a fascinating one for sure. And this book was supposed to be the end but apparently he's writing a fourth book even though this was a great wrap-up and had answers (answers being a loose term here cause wtf did i just read). I liked my little grumpy gay lighthouse keeper. Sad to lose him. Also? I never see this book or series mentioned as queer but here we are. I would rec this book to those who like biology horror and scifi, but if you ain't down with the plant and body horror then it's gonna get cringey.

The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde. THIS BOOK. I knew I was going to like it because I like Oscar Wilde, but WOW. I was truly just not prepared for the level of queer energy I received. "He is all of my art to me now." How has tumblr not just gone RABID over this quote? Like, I want this on my wall, on my body, it has embedded itself in my soul, I have never read anything more romantic in my life. But the actual book itself? Kinda ... anticlimactic. Like we hear a lot about what's going on but it doesn't show and it skips time a lot so we don't really get to see much of people around him aging. I would've liked a much more drawn out version better. Also? Dorian Grey is the WORLD'S WORST CRIMINAL and I don't mean from a devious standpoint, but like, from a brain standpoint. All this time you've been young and yet you're keeping up with the stupidity of youth. Okay. Overall I loved it but it could've been better. But this is also coming from someone in a time the book wasn't written for so take it how you will.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk. This was a reread for me. Part of my goal is to read the books I own this year and clear up some shelf space and while I enjoyed this book in my youth, my older self said Um No. It's just Too Much for me too handle. Then again, this was never one I was overly in love with.

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood. I knew I wasn't getting rid of this one but I got to listen to it as an audiobook for the first time, which was fun. This remains one of my all-time favorite books, fucked-up-ness and all. It's a shame the rest of the series didn't carry the same energy for me but this one is my ride-or-die. I want to get a bunch of copies of it like I did for Howl's Moving Castle.

Jujutsu Kaisen V17 by Gege Akutami. I'm so lost at this point. This is why I don't read much shonen. What is even happening anymore, who are these people. But also, Mai's new look? Let's go, Lesbians! Hot damn!

[wildsunscorpion]

How Bum Geon Woo communicates through his body language (Plus how he's actually giving the special treatment Eui Joon's been yearning for)

I reread DCS for, like, the tenth time now. Yes, I'm obsessed ohmygod! I'm liking how these two characters are written so far. I originally wanted to break down just Chapters 20-24 of DCS because the first time I read it I got just a little annoyed with how Geon Woo (a.k.a. Ahjussi) was, let's say, just kind of pushing Euijoon's limits. But I ended up doing more than just Chapters 20-24. Dios mio.

I was just a little tired of seeing the same trend with guys in manhwa. They always seem to be domineering, especially if their partner is the "sweet and naive" archetype. (Eui Joon, I think, does not really fit into this mold.) Of course, that's usually because they're dealing with their own issues, and I don't really blame them.

But I like DCS because it justified that kind of behavior in Geon Woo when he was having sex with Eui Joon (in Chapters 20-24, particularly). Lol I'm probably the only one who realized this later than I should have ehehe. I'm still posting this tho.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD‼️‼️

His antics speak volumes. It's amazing how I missed all those details just because the sex scenes were. Steamy. As. Fuck. Good lordy! Geon Woo is definitely a man of few words (He once said Eui Joon makes him talk like he would for a whole year, haha!), so it would make sense to communicate whatever's going through his mind in a situation through body language.

I also want to add the times that he makes the effort to hold a conversation with Eui Joon. Geon Woo doesn't really talk when he doesn't need to, so it's important to pay attention to his actions.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 0-12

The first time we get a glimpse of Geon Woo's side of the story was when Eui Joon finally confesses to the person who's been his crush for 3 effing years, Hyeon Woo. Eui Joon is inexplicably happy when Hyeon Woo says he'll consider and comes to the convenience store in good spirits. Geon Woo, keen as always, notices, and when Eui Joon tells him what happened this is what we get:

It's the way it was framed. How we see his reaction from behind rather than from the front. He turns away, seeming to go inward and brood once again.

Afterwards, another gangster comes. The guy challenges Geon Woo for taking too long at the front of the line. Geon Woo asks Eui Joon if he smokes, and when he replies that he doesn't, Geon Woo "borrows" the lighter on the countertop and uses that to throw a stronger punch to the man behind him, who temporarily falls unconscious. Geon Woo turns back to Eui Joon, seeming to have something else to say. But he sees the frightened look on Eui Joon's face and decides to keep it to himself before leaving through the door.

"And..." He pauses, turning to Eui Joon. "... Never mind. Good work."

JUST WHAT WAS HE ABOUT TO SAY?!?!?!

In the succeeding panel, Eui Joon is nonplussed. He wonders out loud, "What is happening?" Couldn't have said it better, girl. Geon Woo was just taking out his frustration and he had the perfect opportunity at the moment.

The second time was when Geon Woo invites Eui Joon to drink after the incident with Hyeon Woo (who basically asks Eui Joon to cheat with him and inebriates him—probably with the intention to take advantage of him). From the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo has taken an interest in Eui Joon after seeing him for the second time, and when he comes by through the hallway—finally discovering they were neighbors—and witnesses the two, he sees it as a chance with Eui Joon.

He invites Eui Joon out to drink, after Eui Joon's suggestion for a dinner at 2 in the morning fails to entice him. Eui Joon rambles his questions away, wanting to get to know him better, but Geon Woo doesn't immediately answer and catches him off guard when he "casually" inquires after his sexuality. Not the smoothest move there, lol, but in the side stories we see that wasn't really his intention.

"Damn it, why did I ask that question? It just slipped out..."

He answers Eui Joon's questions afterwards, surprising Eui Joon with the fact that he's actually been listening to what he's been saying for the past minute. We're starting to see just what kind of a person he is (Listening skills are always a plus in my book).

A little later, we see them on their way back to the apartment. Eui Joon asks Geon Woo to tell him anything interesting because he's been the one talking all night. Geon Woo acquiesces, asking a question that may have been part in consideration of Eui Joon's vulnerable state, and perhaps also part due to the possibility that he worried about him.

"Come to think of it... School has already started. Isn't it tiring to work 'til dawn? Aren't you working too much?"

Geon Woo's face is a little hard to read. So every subtle change in his expression says something. If you read the manhwa, you'll see the slightest bit of concern in his eyes. It's hard to catch until you've read the side stories (at least for me, haha).

One more thing I like about Geon Woo is that he doesn't meddle when it's not his business. He knows the state of Eui Joon's family—their inability to afford his college tuition, his hospitalized brother—and he knows he can help. I mean, I don't know how wealthy and powerful he is as a gangster but he probably has the means to. But he rarely opens the topic to Eui Joon.

Aaaand onto Chapter 8! Just before the first sex scene in the entire series. Eui Joon is crying because he had a shitty day both at school and at work, poor thing—all because of Hyeon Woo. He cries even more when he notices that Geon Woo, who came to the store every day, didn't come to the store that day. When he encounters him outside, he breaks down, catching Geon Woo off guard.

Geon Woo tells his lackey to leave and asks Eui Joon to stay. Eui Joon tells him he was fine and proceeds to go back to his room, but Geon Woo frightens him when he says he was already being nice. And then we get this:

"Ah, I don't mean it that way... Just a while."

That gentle tug is honestly so uncharacteristic of the usual ruffian behavior we often see from Geon Woo. It's a nice sweet detail that proves what he says in Chapter 26 (when he finally confesses) that he treats Eui Joon differently from others.

Eui Joon cries his heart out to Geon Woo, and Geon Woo just lets him. Afterwards, Eui Joon resolves to forget about Hyeon Woo. By finding someone, hmm, more physically endowed.

"I must find someone more good-looking than him. With a nicer body... And a bigger dick!"

Clueless guy basically described the man beside him.

To that, Geon Woo says:

"How long have you known me? You really dare to say anything like that in front of me?"

Which comes off as slightly hostile at first. The next panel shows a dark aura surrounding Geon Woo, which Eui Joon interprets as distress from his implications of doing it with him—whose sexual preference so far remains ambiguous (In the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo himself struggles with figuring this out.). But then, he surprises Eui Joon when he slowly leans in to kiss him.

CUE SEX SCENE! I pitied Eui Joon a little because he wasn't really in the best state when Geon Woo offered this. In Geon Woo's defense, though, from the moment he found out that Eui Joon was gay he saw doors opening. When Eui Joon said something like that, I think his attraction to Eui Joon finally caught up to him and he couldn't resist the opportunity. He definitely wasn’t distressed by the implication of Eui Joon’s words; he was distressed by the decision he had to make—to go through that door or not. Because he knew he wanted it, even though he was constantly denying it from the start.

“This dirty thought wasn’t something that I have planned from the beginning.”

The day after, Eui Joon is a little rattled. He doesn’t know how to treat Geon Woo after that—not when he realized that sex could be that hot and satisfying (uwu). Geon Woo appears to be unaffected while Eui Jon’s brain is in knots about everything. But the questions Geon Woo asks tell us that he’s beginning to show Eui Joon a little emotion. He asks to see Eui Joon’s face to inspect the healing bruise he got yesterday (the one that Geon Woo covered with a bandaid—which was so sweet, huhu). And then, he asks if he was tired after school.

“Let me see your face.”

“School classes. Are you tired after taking them?”

From my perspective, he wasn’t just asking for the sake of being nice to the person he slept with. The story still hasn’t covered much of Geon Woo’s history to know whether he had been like this with his previous partners. Although there was a moment in Chapter 27 during one of their conversations when he gave us a little glimpse:

Geon Woo: It's normal to cry over pathetic things at your age. Eui Joon: Have you cried like that before too? Geon Woo: No. Eui Joon: Then how do you know that? Geon Woo: I just... know. Because there was a guy like that around.

From the time Geon Woo invited him out to drink, I think Geon Woo was genuinely concerned when he asked how Eui Joon was doing.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 13-26

Geon Woo's love language, I think, is his actions. He fights off the gangsters that bully Eui Joon into giving them discounts or even paying for them from his own pockets so they won't have to. He gives Eui Joon food and medicine when he finds out he was sick (the morning after having sex with him in the car for hours, lol). He likes taking care of the person he likes. So in Chapter 26, when he "confesses" to Eui Joon, that was Geon Woo pointing out that he's been doing the same thing all along.

"I mean, look at me just once... What kind of person I am. How I treat you. Take a good look at it. If you think that I'm good, then pick me. If not, you can throw me aside." "But. Before you do, you should understand this. Until then, I don't intend to let you get away."

This "non-confession" (he actually tells Eui Joon it wasn't a confession) actually says a lot about Geon Woo. His attitude towards their relationship is very blunt and straightforward. Once he's made a decision, he stops listening to his doubts and stands by it. I don't really know when Geon Woo decided that he liked Eui Joon. It was more slow-growing. In the side stories though, we see him considering this big-time when this thought crosses his mind:

"There's the common phrase of having the opportunity to meet your fateful love. If there's a sign for it, would it be possible to stay vigilant?"

AHJUSSI YOU SOFT-HEARTED ROMANTIC I CAN'T T^T He becomes more bold with Eui Joon afterwards, but he's still a little prickly. He's constantly weighing his options, trying to figure out in what way will doing the things he does for Eui Joon benefit him, if at all. In Chapter 13, when a customer comes inside the store and forces Eui Joon to pay for what he bought, he's on the scales. But then the memory of that morning flashes through his mind, and he remembers how the simple act of Eui Joon giving him his number had made him smile like an idiot. He beats the customer for him, taking the money he owed, and gives it back to Eui Joon. He even manages to casually ask him out on a date. The guy can be smooth as fuck.

Eui Joon: Are you saying... we should eat together? Geon Woo: Sure. I guess I've done something worth compensating. Will you give me my reward?

Take notes, people! At this point, Eui Joon has gotten him wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it! Of course, Eui Joon still thinks their relationship is only purely sexual, but then Geon Woo begins doing these uncharacteristically tender gestures that Eui Joon initially interprets as Geon Woo giving him special treatment.

"Let me see your face." "School classes. Are you tired after them" "I'm thinking that... You'll look good in short hair, too."

And Geon Woo even tries to initiate a conversation with Eui Joon when he feels like Eui Joon couldn't take the awkwardness. A good example was when Geon Woo treats him dinner at the restaurant.

"...." "Is this your first time coming to this kind of place?"

Somehow, these things he does still feel kind of forced, like he was genuinely annoyed at Eui Joon and everything he did. Even when he asks to do it with him again and Eui Joon refuses because he was still sore, there was a moment of frustration that shone through.

It was a sign that Geon Woo was still confused about the things he was feeling towards Eui Joon. He knew he wanted him physically, but then he doesn't take up the woman's offer that evening after Eui Joon refuses him. It wasn't actually written on paper, but knowing Geon Woo's character he might have felt uneasy about going through with it. Not particularly on Eui Joon's behalf, but it may have been unconscious because of his budding feelings.

His feelings were something that rattled him, and he was usually undeterred in any kind of situation. What rattled him more was that Eui Joon didn't know anything about what he was going through.

"Being naturally attracted to you, and going through unfamiliar emotions. This feeling should only be felt at an adolescent age."

We're seeing him from behind again. The use of this perspective in manhwas / mangas / comics usually makes you feel like can't tell what the character's thinking about, but most importantly that they're most likely about to go do or SAY SOMETHING DAMN IMPORTANT. Like, maybe, telling their feelings to the person they like!?!?!

"Eui Joon-Ah. I like you."

ASDFGHJKL DID ANYONE SEE THAT COMING?!?!?!

That actually surprised me hella lot. I'd originally thought Geon Woo was the tsundere type, but he was more honest with his feelings than I believed. However, he hadn't been completely convinced by these feelings until Eui Joon had offered to break it off. Suddenly there was an exit to his situation, but he didn't really feel happy about it. He was frustrated at not being able to properly understand what his words made him feel. Because the truth was he didn't want to break things off. He just wouldn't admit to himself at the time that the reason was he actually wanted Eui Joon.

We could see him debating it himself, poor thing:

"I didn't expect myself to be in a situation where I couldn't even understand my own feelings. I should've figured it out the moment I couldn't understand my sexual preference. I'm not that young anymore... What is this?" "No... It could also be a spur of the moment... It doesn't seem to be like that. It might also be due to pride, but I feel it's not necessary for these kinds of feelings to affect my pride... But even when it's like this, I still want to..."

Geon Woo decides to "have a little fun" before conceding to Eui Joon's request to "end their entanglement". But I've noticed that whenever something bothers Geon Woo too much, he takes a smoke. When Eui Joon makes the suggestion, Geon Woo does just that.

The slightly rough way in which Geon Woo treats him afterwards shows his frustration. He grabs his arm roughly and pulls him towards the car, but he doesn't realize he was hurting Eui Joon's wrist with his own watch until Eui Joon whines in pain—at which point Geon Woo just laces his hand through his instead. Which I thought was so sweet T^T

When Eui Joon freaks out about doing it at the school where he studies and asks Geon Woo to consider it for him, Geon Woo says, "Do I have to consider that for you too?" And when Eui Joon asks for him to do that, Geon Woo replies, "I guess I've been too nice to you." THE MAN WAS FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!! Geon Woo even challenges him to stay quiet, telling him no one will hear them if he does. Throughout the whole thing, Geon Woo wanted to dominate him, daring him to take what pleasure he could give him, but with an aggression that bespeaks the storm in his heart and mind. Reading it back, I realized just how damn hot that scene was. I mean, goddamn. After Geon Woo admits his feelings, there's a serenity about him afterwards. He no longer has to second-guess taking care of Eui Joon or expressing what he felt towards him. He gives him food and medicine the next day since he caught a fever. He "invites himself" to watch a movie with him since they both had nothing to do for the rest of the day. The guy was basically courting Eui Joon, haha. Not a confession, my ass XD

And then, when Eui Joon opens up about how he rejected Hyeon Woo, Geon Woo tells him he'll also wait for him for around three years T^T

MY HEART I CAN'T T ^ T ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ So that's kiiind of a long breakdown. I included as little pictures as possible. Copyright and all that. I just really like this series so far. I want to be able to read the original someday. Hopefully I'd be able to learn Korean T^T. If you like this as much as I do, chat me up =D would love to hear other thoughts.

[borkthemork]

BorkMork’s Amphibia Fanfiction Recommendations

There are so many absolutely fantastic fics out there, so these will be generalized. They could be character studies, one-shots, anything that was able to pull in my interest and leave me an absolute mess.

I won’t be tagging the authors here because I don’t want to bother them, but if any of you do know them feel free to tell them that their creativity and works are lovely, and that they have made my day ever brighter.

Anyways, let us begin.

Any Work by MayDayGirl_Save_Our_Ships

Okay so I was part of the Amphibia fandom back when it first aired. And back then there weren’t that many fics even though I was craving to see more focus on the Plantar Family and how much they mean to Anne, and overall character studies. So when I read Two Truths and a Lie, the characterization pulled me and it still aged well regardless of the new info we got about these characters today.

Years later and I am pleasantly surprised to see that the characterization once again swings and succeeds with the other fics MayDay has created. I laughed, I yelled, I felt numerous feelings for the Plantar family, and I would highly recommend their content.

bloom by dragondawdles

I haven’t been here when I saw the boom in Newtopia fics, but I had a massive craving to see Marcy fics when she first arrived in the city. Dragondawdles pulled me into this fic immediately with their prose, the characterization of Marcy and Lady Olivia, and also the really cute doodle that accompanied the story itself.

It gave me everything I wanted, and to see Marcy be curious over Lady Olivia made me ponder even more about how they acted toward each other. Overall, a cute one-shot!

Any Work by DeeTheTeaDrinkingDragon

There is something gentle about the tiniest touches, of well-done prose and filling in the potential blanks. I first read Constellations when I scoured around for some Marcanne content, and this one was the softest cuddling fic I had ever witnessed with my eyes.

It was vivid, very visually stimulating in its wholesome atmosphere, and I couldn’t get enough of it. Also, Dee’s Stay was able to check off everything I speculated for Marcanne in Season Three so me and my friend were yelling loudly over that. Would recommend them!

Any Work by feebop

I love character studies. I love authors who can pull me into the narrative through dialogue and description. Put it all together and you get feebop’s Starlit Review and Painted Yellow Lines.

Honestly, I reread them just because I feel so inspired by the attention to detail and the prose itself, they’re that good. And being able to see character studies between Marcy and Sasha always left me satisfied. I cannot recommend their stuff enough!

Any Work by mira_blue

That’s right, more character studies! Mira_blue has a few fics already but my absolute favorites would be her stuff on Marcy and Sasha, because those left me to speculate about those two more than anything, and it’s always lovely to see people’s takes while keeping the people in-character.

This Is Home is dear, because damn you can definitely get me emotionally wrecked in under 1,500 words and this is a great example.

Dance With Me by Hugh Jidiot

Long fics here we go. It took a bit to get me into Dance With Me, but when I finally had to time to read it I was absolutely pulled into Marcy and Anne being absolute disasters while trying to get ready for a massive social event. There are a lot of laughs, lots of events being filled in-between, and some study into Marcy’s thought process when it comes to socializing with people.

Few key comments on the fic itself. It took a while to get used to the newt ocs but they became absolutely enjoyable as things went on, and my favorite would be Fiona, just saying.

Also the practice dance scene was the hardest I’ve laughed in 2021 so thank you, Hugh, for this beautiful piece.

Any Work by Mighty_Ant

Fill-in-the-blank fics are always fun, but man Mighty_Ant knows how to write these so well, especially when it comes to what is basically the physical representation of emotional as heck music.

Reading the fics always flowed well to me when I narrated to myself, and you could tell the person is a professional writer with the amount of techniques used to emotionally fuck me up, especially Sasha’s story.

Thank you, Mighty_Ant, and I can’t wait for your Marcy fic!

Is She Really Your Daughter? by red_lensed_glasses

Do you ever just want to read a fic about Anne’s parents and their perspective of Marcy? And then cry? For hours? This fic is for you.

It’s such a really interesting take when it comes to how the Boonchuys perceive Marcy, and the ending got me very, and I mean very, upset for really good reasons. This fic is a recommendation, I love it!

Anne 2.0 by mandaree1

I always wondered if Anne ever got a scar from, y’know, breaking her arm, so this was a delight to read when it came to Marcy’s POV of the situation. You get Marcy being an analytical nerd in her writing style — in an intriguing second-person, no less — and it’s just really good!

Heron by TheDinosaurNerd

I stumbled upon this fic while I was looking for some Grime and Sasha one-shots, and I really liked the dialogue found in this! Very succinct, to-the-point, but in said succinctness you are able to form a really well-done fill-in-the-blanks story.

not delivered. by camomile_t

God. This is one of the big ole’ fics in this fandom that is keeping me alive throughout the hiatus, I love text fics when done well, especially when they utilize the features and limitations to basically do storytelling, and this is one of those examples. Cause holy shit.

This fic takes any theories about what could happen in Season Three and goes the limit. You get Marcanne, you get a well-done mix of comedy and angst, you get Sasha having her redemption, you get the Plantars/Boonchuys being a supportive family, and a lot more!

I binged the hell out of this and kept up with each update with much eager anticipation. You have no clue, my friend and I keep speculating and theorizing in DMs over this fic. It is so good.

There Will Be No Dancing by PartlyCloudySkies

I have read this fic so many times. Ten? Twenty? I don’t know, but I keep coming back to this just because of how well-written it is. When I tell you that this fic plays out like a legitimate Amphibia episode, I absolutely mean it.

This fic is an Amphibia episode from some alternate universe and is now given to us on a silver platter.

And for what????? We were given to this free and we’re supposed to take it with no complaints?????? Understandable, have a good day. I can’t.

You get amazing pacing, a writing style that fits Anne’s perspective to a T, dialogue and comedy logic that hits what Amphibia is all about, and you also get two girls being gay in Newtopia. What’s not to love?

Go read it. Do it. Put a comment. I don’t know what you do, but just acknowledge the fact that this fic has ruined the shit out of me and now I cannot recover, ever.

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Books I’ve Read in 2020

AHello! I’m trying to read as many books as I can during the quarantine, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (literary fiction): a son writes a letter about his life to his illiterate mother. Breathtakingly beautiful with it’s way with words this book is lovely and real in the hardest and sweetest ways. The author’s combination of prose and poetry is dazzling and intricate, this book has stuck with me for days afterward. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (fantasy): a money-lender gets in trouble after bragging she can turn silver into gold and is kidnapped and ordered to do so by a fey creature. It may be that I am the perfect audience for this type of book, but it’s my favorite thing I’ve read all year. It’s a book that equally takes on the fantastical and real-world with compelling female characters at the center of the whole thing. A wonderful fantasy journey inspired by eastern-European Jewish folklore. 5 out of 5 stars.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll (horror graphic novel): a series of short horror comics. Absolutely bone-chilling! This was a really fun type of scary story, especially the last one which made my skin absolutely crawl. Deliciously eerie, this was treat to read if not a little too short. 4 out of 5 stars.

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender (magical realism): a young girl can taste other people’s emotions in their cooking and begins to understand her family in new ways. This was a weird book, but it has everything you’ve got to love about that combination of the surreal and mundane. It’s sense of character was electrifying and I had fun engaging with this type of off-kilter real world. I was a little frustrated in parts bc of some characters choices, but that too was true to life. 4 out of 5 stars.

Crier’s War by Nina Varela (steampunk fantasy wlw): about a Made automaton heir to a throne and her human hand-maiden that is trying to kill her. This was an easy read with a lot of tension between the two main characters that I liked, but the writing itself was very weak. There was waaay too much exposition in parts and the dialogue had some really hockey lines. I enjoyed the twists and turns in the middle of the book, but the beginning and end didn’t have much movement. 2.5 stars out of 5.

The Huntress by Kate Quinn (historical fiction): honestly, I’m a little disappointed. This book just did not hit my sweet spots, it wasn’t fast-paced enough for me to get immersed in the plot, and the characters weren’t real enough to be wholly invested in them. That said I adored Nina Markova and the Night Witches, so that did help. 3 starts out of 5.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White (horror sci-fi retelling): HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND. A retelling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein from the perspective of Victor Frankenstein’s wife and my God! The characters! The plot was well-enough, but the characters took the whole show for being complex and compelling. The main character was breathtakingly layered and I was wholly invested in Elizabeth and her story and the triumph at the end of this story was tangible. 4 out of 5 stars! 

Uprooted by Naomi Novik (fantasy): A story of a young woman who lives in a valley where a girl must go live with a wizard for 10 years. She is certain she won’t be chosen, but ends up having to be “uprooted” herself. I enjoyed most of this book! However, I think I liked “Spinning Silver” a lot more just because the ending of this one somehow lost me. The characters were good and plot compelling, but (SPOILERS) the big battle at the end seemed to drag and didn’t interest me somehow. 3.8 out of 5 stars.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fantasy): excellent read! A story of a young woman in Jazz Age Mexico who goes on an adventure with a Mayan death God who is trying to regain his throne. A romp across the country absolutely brimming with likable characters and fairy tale twists. My only complaint would be that most of it felt a little predictable due to the fact we knew where we were going throughout the whole story, However, it was still greatly enjoyable for the heroine herself, Casiopea. 4 out of 5 stars!

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng (literary): a story of two families in a progressive “planned” community, how their lives intertwine, their secrets, and a central question surrounding motherhood. Deeply empathetic to its characters and introspective, this is an every-day story of people in suburbia that reads like a thriller. I could barely put it down and felt deeply for its characters and situations, 5 out of 5 stars!

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (YA sci-fi suspense): a story of a group of girls at a boarding school on an island affected by the “tox” which alters their bodies in strange ways like giving them scales or an extra spine. This was an eerie, interesting read with a wlw romance! Watch out for the body horror in this one, but it was very gripping and held my interest. Some of the pacing was off in places (like the romance), but had a very creepy atmosphere that did it for me. 3.8 out of 5 stars!

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (thriller-mystery): A thriller about a group of Shakespeare actors in their last year of college and one of their classmates who turns up dead. I enjoyed the murder mystery part of this novel more than I expected despite the fact I had guessed who had “done it” pretty early on. I really enjoyed the James-Oliver dynamic with its growing homoeroticism, but I didn’t like how the character of Meredith was handled at all. She felt like a one-note aside. I might have given this book four stars, but the ending was EXTREMELY frustrating for me and I did not like the “open-ended” conclusion. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): a weird character-driven comedy about an old grumpy man and a new family that moves in next to him. Warning for themes of suicide. Anyway, I don’t normally indulge in cliches like “I laughed, I cried, I loved one Cat Annoyance.” However, that’s exactly what I did. I laughed out loud, I cried my eyes out (THE CAT’S HEAD WAS IN HIS PALM), I loved this book. It was sweet and compelling and thoroughly immersive. 5 out of 5 stars!

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow (historical fantasy): set in the early 1900s comes a story of a young girl and her experience with “Doors” that lead to different worlds. This book had a lot of great character development and really interesting descriptions, however, I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to. I found it hard to get myself to sit down a read it. There was just something missing with the push to “page-turn,” but it was still a really good book. 3.7 out of 5 stars!

Gideon the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (high fantasy, kinda gay): I AM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS. This was book was definitely a page-turner. I was very confused with it at the beginning, but the characters and their interactions were, forgive the expression, the life blood of the story and kept me wholly invested. The ending has CRUSHED my heart, but damn did I have a good time reading it. 4.5 out of 5 stars!

Harrow the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (sequel to Gideon the 9th): I really enjoyed this book. It was just as strange and twisting as the first book, though I think I enjoyed the first one a bit more since I love Gideon. It was fun ride overall, though the ending was kind of really confusing. So 4 out of 5 stars.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (historical fiction): Overall, I really enjoyed this book! The writing style was personable and grounded in reality. I found myself really liking the main characters and the exploration of the life of a bi main character was really well done I thought. A solid book with drama and glamor to boot. 4.6 out of 5 stars!

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah (historical fiction): A story of two sisters during WWII and their resistance to Nazi occupation. To be honest, this book wasn’t my cup of tea. It was compelling, but also wholly depressing and I felt like gloried in the pain of the two main characters too much. The history was wonderful and realistic, but it didn’t make me feel anything good afterward. It was just dark. 3 out of 5 stars.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (mlm romance): I finally finished this after the heaviness of The Nightingale. This is a story of the First Son of the USA falling for the prince of England. And it turned out to be a very fun and light hearted read! Some of it was kinda generic and too political, and it coulda been shorter, but I thought the romance itself made up for it. It just made me feel so sweet and lovely inside. 4 out of 5 stars!

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): I’m searching out heartfelt books and this one ticked off all the marks on my “sweet” list. A lovely book that made me cry more times than I would like to admit. Compassionate beyond belief, funny and heartfelt. I think I enjoyed A Man Called Ove slightly more, but this book was also dear to me and something I hope to reread in the future. 4.2 out of 5 stars!

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel (sci-fi): A post-apocalyptical story about a group of traveling Shakespeare actors and a symphony. Overall, an excellent read that somehow pictures a more realistic or even softer version of the apocalypse. At first, I wasn't happy with the jumping around of the story, but as I progressed I grew fonder and fonder of the interwoven characters and their journey. A very fascinating read about a world that hits a little too close to home. The appreciation of the arts and preserving humanity was somehow very hopeful and I was fully engaged with this story. 5 out of 5 Stars!

Up next: The Hidden Life of Trees by by Peter Wohlleben (nonfiction science), The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (urban fantasy), The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (fantasy)

[franeridart]

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

[wavebiders]

Operation: "Ignore the Shitty Live Action Winx Show and Just Rewatch the Cartoon for the First Time in Almost a Decade" part 18:

Bloom and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

In my head Bloom leaving alfea was totally bc of what happened with Sky and I am SO glad my memory betrayed me on that one

She's been thinking about it for a while and they actually set it up really well. So, that's a nice surprise

Oh no not a sad instrumental version of the theme song fuck off

"What?! That was just a stupid accident! And besides your boyfriend can get lost! Forget Brandon/Sky or whatever his name is! You are you!" Yeah, Stella is in love with Bloom

"I bet it was because I'm not a princess. Everyone here is so unquie, special, and I'm just nobody" holy foreshadowing batman

And again! Not a boy thing. A self-worth thing. Poor girl

The way she's going out the window so she won't have to face the girls🥺 Invented running away from her problems

Not a fucking montage of her friends followed by her going "I won't ever forget you" I cannot HANDLE THIS

The Trix straight up saying that now is the time go after Bloom, as she's vulnerable without her friends. Winx really said friendship is the most important thing in the world

Bloom would have gone to the VWO damn. She's not stupid when it comes to school, just most other areas.

Also this dub implying she's stuck in the Dutch education system... Yet another reason not to hesitate about running off to fairy school

Aaaand her extra special aura seeing powers show her her folks are dissapointed in her. She's having a great day. I think they're more worried and she's reading it wrong tho

"Bloom is gone for good." "Maybe she is, but I'M bringing her back!" That's right Stella, go get your girl!

It's like they were playing a game of "how much can we write these girls as love interests without actually making them love interests"

You know what? As compensation for Fate, I demand a She-Ra level gay reboot. Chop chop Netflix

"I made the right choice, right?" *Kiko shakes his head no* "gee, thanks. What kind of a friend are you?" Dhgfjgfg even her bunny is judging her

Jesus fucking christ, the Trix don't fuck around

Oh, that is not how you wanna find out about your tragic backstory

😢

For added pain during this scene: the Winx comic(yes Im rereading them, autism hell brain latched onto Winx hard) makes it explicit that Stella feels extra protective over Bloom because she's the one that brought her to Magix

So happy times

[mediocre-writerr]

day 1 [leah rilke]

bring us through: leah rilke book

chapter 3: day 1

hey guys! i posted this on my wattpad (username:THEmediocrewriter11) a while back along with another chapter that’s after this one. if you guys follow it then you’ll get early access to chapters right when they come out! but i hope you enjoy chapter 3!

*not my gif*

My first thought this entire time: why would he do this? If God was real like everyone I’ve known said he is, then why is this happening? Causing me to feel this way, losing two important people in my life in the span of three months, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it does.

The plane goes down. There’s a 1 in 11 million chance that the airplane will just drop right from the sky and crash. And luckily, for me, like I haven’t had a bad enough year, I am that 1 in 11 million. I’d rather be the 1 in 14 million to win the lottery, but I guess life just doesn’t work like that. Now does it?

I gasped for breath, the taste of unbearable amounts of salt overwhelming my tastebuds. My once dry clothes are now damp and soggy. I put my head on a swivel searching for anyone, but all I could see was the ocean.

“Shelby!!” I yelled, desperate to find my best friend. I squinted far enough to see someone lying on another piece of wreckage from this horrid plane crash. Everything seemed a bit fuzzy. Everything started to fade away from view as my vision started to become more and more fuzzy.

“Shelby…” I mumbled.

My dad threw my journal right at me. It landed on me with an unsatisfying thump, “What the hell is this?!”

“What’s what?” I asked, acting confused, but I knew what he saw. I know what he read. I guess a part of me just wanted to hope that he didn’t and he was angry that I accidentally cussed in one of my entries, but I know what’s in there.

“Don’t lie to me, Ray!” he shouted, picking up my journal and flipping it open to one of the entries, “Then she walked by my locker, my heart gives a flutter, but I didn’t dare utter a word. Because that would be absurd behavior for a little miss perfect.”

Journal Entry: January 7, 2019. How could I forget? How could I forget meeting her? The one girl who changed my life and ruined it all at once. Well I wouldn’t say she ruined it, but things got more complicated when she came in it.

I don’t regret any of it though. I could never regret her. He flipped through the pages again rereading yet another entry, “She stayed over one night. We laughed and shared enticing smirks. She takes a sip of her soda, her eyes never leaving mine. Next thing I know, I lose control. I finally kissed her.”

Journal Entry: March 3, 2019. Again how could I forget my first kiss with someone I actually cared about? I looked at him with tears in my eyes. And all he did was just throw the journal back at me.

“What is all the racket?” my mom came in, drying her hands off with a towel, leaning against the doorframe. She looks between me and my dad. The tears that stained my cheek and the death glare that my father was sending through my spine, “Honey, what’s going on?”

“Your daughter here is committing a sin that is unforgivable.” he spat, emphasizing the daughter part. He wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I wasn’t his daughter in his eyes.

“Wait, what?” she said, shaking her head.

“Rayleigh is gay.”

“Hey, hey! Are you okay?” I awoke to the bright-blue eyed girl staring at me, shaking me lightly. The cool ocean water is still lapping over me, soaking my clothes.

I lifted my head up abruptly, “Where’s-where’s Shelby??” I yelled.

“I don’t know, but we need to get to shore c’mon!” she exclaimed. I examined the terrain to see plane debris everywhere. Wow so this really happened.

“Wait look over there!” I yelled, pointing at another unconscious body. She looked familiar and as I swam closer it was the girl who suggested ‘Never Have I Ever’, “Can you swim?” I asked the blue-eyed girl and she just nodded.

The two of us pushed the girl’ unconscious body to the shore. All three of us laid on the floor completely worn out from fighting the tides.

“Rayleigh is that you??” Dot asked, and she came into view and I just nodded, continuing to cough up the disgusting salt water I accidentally had.

I pointed to the unconscious girl on the floor, “Help,” I began to say, before a fit of coughs hit me like a wave, “Help her.” I finally managed to say. Dot nodded, making her way to the unconscious girl we just saved. And from the corner of my eye I could see her begin CPR.

And then there was Shelby who was helping another limping girl. I let out a breath of relief that I didn’t even know I was holding. She was okay, good, good. She gently placed the girl down on the sand next to Dot before rushing over to me.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” she asked, frantically. Scanning her eyes over every inch of my body, looking for any injury.

“No I’m okay. Are you?” I asked and she just nodded. I looked over at Dot continuing to do CPR, a small crowd forming around her. The girls started bickering about how fast she was going when they didn’t even notice the bookworm girl who was passed on not too far away, “But I don’t think she is.”

I immediately got up from where I was lying down and as fast as the lightning flashed I was right by her side. I pressed my ear against her chest, trying to find a heartbeat despite all of the arguing. There was nothing there, so I put two fingers to her pulse, waiting slowly and patiently.

“I gotta do CPR.” I told Shelby and she just looked at me in shock.

“You were stranded in the middle of the ocean with them. How do you know that you’re not gonna drop dead while doing it too?” she asked, worried about my health and safety.

“I won’t, okay? I’m fine.” I promised my best friend in hopes that she will believe just a little ounce of it.

I didn’t wait for her answer though. I just started doing the CPR on the girl I was so infuriatingly rude to about reading a book. I guess it just reminded me of another time or well, another person.

“No she’s not Rhett. There’s no way.” my mom said, shaking her head. Trying not to believe the harsh reality that was already unfolding in front of her. But the thing is she knew. She always knew and I knew she knew. She just didn’t want to admit or say anything because she knew what my father would do.

“Oh yes she is. Many, many, disrespectful journal entries about something that is not natural!” he yelled. I looked at my mom and gave her a look, she was trying to hide the fact that she already knew, but she was a terrible liar. Luckily for her, my dad was so angry at me that all he could see was red.

“I can’t help the way I feel Dad! I love her!” I tried to plead with him, bargain, or do something. But it was no use, I don’t even know why I bothered trying.

He shook his head, folding his arms across his chest, “This is because you’re hanging out with Shelby all the damn time. I bet you were in on it with her and Becca Gilroy right?”

“This has nothing to do with Shelby!” I yelled back, “I have felt this way for as long as I could remember Dad! I can’t control it.”

“I don’t have an ounce of hate in my body.” he said, his voice getting softer. That was BS though. He has always had hate in his heart for anyone who tried to go against what he wanted, “But this is not what I want for you, honey.”

And with one last look he storms out of the room. I looked at my mom and shook my head at her in disapproval.

“You knew all along.” I whispered to her, just in case my father was anywhere near, “I needed you Mom. And you weren’t there. So thanks for being mother of the year.” I pushed past her and got into my car despite my father’s yelling and I drove to the one person I needed most.

The whole world started to grow fuzzy as I continued doing CPR. All of the exhaustion I was putting into keeping this girl alive was slowly diminishing my life. But out of the corner of my eye I could see the other girl Dot was helping, slowly waking up.

And with one last push of compressions, the blue-eyed girl shot up. But then I was on the floor as everything went black.

[popculturebuffet]

Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life Review

Happy Birthday To Me, as I continue my birthday celebration by taking a look at comics that have a personal connection to me.. And for our main feature, i’m taking a look at the first volume of a series that was vitally important to a teenage me, Scott Pilgrim. 

Scott Pilgrim is the brainchild of Brian Lee’O’Malley. O’Malley came up with the concept from a number of things. Being a fan of the band Plumtree, O’Malley was curious about the name of their song “Scott Pilgrim” and wondered who this Scott Pilgrim guy was. So over the years he slowly built the guy up in the back of his mind using bits of his life and what not. As for why he ends up fighting 7 evil exes, that came from a discussion with his then girlfriend, later wife and currently ex-wife Hope Larson, where he threw off the joke that her exes should form some kind of League. After finishing his first solo work Lost at Sea, O’Malley decided Scotty would be his next project and the rest is history. To date while O’Malley has written two works since, Seconds which is delightful and Snotgirl which didn’t grab me but I intend to try again, Scott remains his most popular work, in large part due to it’s SUBLIME video game and movie adaptations, the former of which is finally getting a rerelease next month. 

The series charm is in it’s style: A manga styled comic that combines two desperate kinds of story: Shonen Fight Manga and Slice of Life Indie Comics. The story shifts from Scott going through normal life stuff while trying to make his new relationship work and get his shit together and Scott getting into big bombastic fights with his new sweetie’s exes for the right to keep dating her and to you know, stay alive. The series effortlesly blends a video game like world with real grounded characters and is wonderful for it.  As for where I came in, one Free Comic Book day I found a little comic named Free Scott Pilgrim, which I genuinely loved and was instantly charmed by it’s humor and well done art. So I picked up the second and third volumes of the series proper and the first once I could find it and the rest ,as they say, is history. For my high school life, this was one of hte most important things in it and I wrote fanfiction, which I thankfully never put online and in general enjoyed the hell out of the series. Then I just kind of.. let it sit on my shelf for a while. It wasn’t BAD, I just never got back to it and as the franchise went dormant I just sorta slept on it and the movie and that part of me...

Cut to a few weeks ago, when Comixology did a massive sale for black friday that marked a ton of Graphic Novels down to just 1 buck each, and the color editions of Scott Pilgrim happened to be part of this, though only volume 1 was that cheap. But thanks to my best friend micheal and an early christmas/birthday present I got the rest and got to revisit the series as a whole, with me rethinking my previous thoughts of volume 1 and thus.. wanting to review it and share both why this series is so damn special and what’s good, and what’s not so good about it. I’ll also be covering the game, once i’ts re-released, and the movie once i’m finsihed with the comics so look out for that. And get ready to take a trip to the glorious land of canada... 

As a heads up and as you can tell i’ll be using the color version as while I could get scans of the black and white, I prefer the color version. While the black and white was fine and always will be, I think the impressive coloring job really adds to thing and makes the already great fight scenes pop more, as well as making certain background elements stand out a bit. While it does negate the black and white gags, the tradeoff is more than worth it. That being said either version is fine so if you can get the black and white cheaper that’s fine and i’ve kept my original copies, with volumes 4 -6 having been picked up as they came out. 

So as our story starts we meet our hero: Scott Pilgrim Age 23, a charming but jobless and kind of sketchy possible college graduate whose really been adrift in his life since a breakup about a year ago. And when our story opens he’s taken a turn for a worse and decided to date sweet but naive and inexperinced Knives Chau, a 17 year old girl. And why yes the power dynamics there are messed up and why yes Scott is pretty damn sketchy in this moment in time, and while yes I am aware the age of consent in canada is 16, it dosen’t make this any less greasy and the story knows that.  And how it knows that MOST of his friends aren’t on board. The only ones who seems to is Stephen Stiles, leader of Sex Bomb-Omb, the band scott’s in with one of the best names ever and even then it’s hard to tell if he’s being sarcastic or just a total douche. The other, Young Neil Nordgraf, Stephen’s roomate, is well 19 or 20 and kind of a dipshit so we just ignore him. I used to use him as kind of a projection, to put myself in the adventure when I was younger as Neil kind of lacks personality in the comics but in the comics.. he’s not hte best or most complex character. He is great in the movie though and Edgar Wright did an amazing job fleshing him out.  The rest of his circle are .. not so permissive. His best friend, roomate and king of all gays for all time Wallace Wells very much does not want to come with Scott to school to pick her up because every part of that sentence after hurt to type. Granted Scott gets him to come with him with promises of boys, but frankly knowing wallace he was probably just playing along/wants to protect this poor child. His ex and fellow bandmate Kim is clearly bothered by it and is flat out worried Scott is taking advantage of her. Kim and Wallace are easily my faviorites both for personality and because I have a massive crush on both. With Wallace it just didn’t manifest till the reread. Finally Scott’s kid sister Stacey chews him out over it before genuinely wondering if he’s gone insane or he’s actually happy. For my two cents: he’s not. He WANTS to be, but he dosen’t know how. And as someone whose both neurotypical, which given Scott’s troubles with empathy and relating to people like yours truly I strongly suggest he is, and has struggled with depression I can relate to that. He wants to move on but he just.. can’t, he just wants to get past the haze he’s been in since Envy dumped him.. but he dosen’t know how. So instead of doing someting constructive or finding a job or anything .. he just took the first and easiest way out of his depression he could. I’ve done that with video games and stuff. Scott did that by entering a relationship that’s really easy, requires only so much effort, and is with someone who utterly adores, looks up to him and will never expect better. Being with Knives makes him feel better.. but it dosen’t MAKE him a better person. As i’ve made clear dating someone just for a boost makes him actively worse and had fate not intervened, I shudder to think what Scott might have become. That being said his actoins are still creepy and since Scott has a habit of landing ass backwards into being an asshole here’s a counter to track that. That’s 2 for doing this overall, one for tleling her to be good, and 1 for trying to ply wallace with underage boys. 

Your the Scum of the Earth Scott Counter: 1

Thankfully fate does and Scott’s dreams, ones of him crawling through a desert alone, are interupted by a mysterious pink haired girl on skates. The next day he’s just sort of in a daze, kind of confused, and even more so when he sees her IN REAL LIFE, while at the library with Knives. He’s understandably frazzled but ends up finding out he’s not hallucinating when talking to MIcheal Cormeau. Micheal is a minor character and another artist and friend of o malley’s who represents that one guy in social circles who knows everybody. And indeed he knows the mystery girl, Ramona Flowers and that she’s there. Scott TRIES talking her up but just creeps her out, so Scott goes with plan b and decides to ask around about her. Enter Sandra and Monique, two college aquantinces of Scott, who just sorta show up at major events and aren’t that developed or intresting. They turn him to Julie who forbids him to date her. To which I say. 

Naturually we’ll aslo be needing a counter for this. 

Shut Up Julie Counter: 1

Scott however did find out she’s a delivery girl for Amazon Canada, and thus orders some CD’s on Wallace’s Credit card to hopefully see her. And while his behavior IS obessive.. it’s understandable. I’d be weirdly obessed with finding someone too if they showed up in my dreams every day and were apparently a real person. I’d probably play it cooler but still i’ts kind of understandable. So after a day with knives in which he’s clearly checked out she kisses him, he freaks out and it’s very clear that while Scott’s good at attracting women he’s just.. not good with his emotions and has finally woken up to how messed up this is, but has no idea how to get out now he’s intrested in someone he actually has a future with maybe.  Speaking of Scott’s package and Ramona finally arrive. Scott’s move is to.. ask her out abrubtly but after he mentions her Dreams, Ramona finally puts two and two together and explains things: She’s been using Subspace, a seris of highways connected by the subconcious and apparently more common in america, though it’s later revealed she was taught this but being the first book with a lot of the lore and what not ironed out this is fine. Point is she was just using his dreams as transit and didn’t mean to get him obessed. Scott continues to try his schtick and eventually gets her to agree to hang out with him. Why she does I generally do not know, as SCott basically fell ass backwards over himself conversationally, but whatever. If he didn’t succeed we wouldn’t have a plot. 

That being said things pick up a bit with the date though. The scene is really good and simply just the two.. talking. Having plesant conversations getting to know one another. That good stuff. it’s just really nice to read and it’s hard to explain why. Highlights include Scott’s x-men patch, Ramona not wanting to talk about her last job and Scott admitting he hasn’t been obessed in a long time.. and it comes off sweet rather htan creepy like that sounds. It just means he hasn’t fell this head over heels felt like this. As I said Knives was easy.. but this is hard.. and this.. feels right. So as things Snow Ramona yanks scott through subspace to escape the blizzard. 

So we end up back at Ramona’s place and she offers some tea which leads to one of the best gags of the volume as she lists them off: 

So Ramona goes to get Scott a blanket, Scott ends up following finds her changing, and she decides to warm him up another way.. by embracing him... cue.. the inevitible really. 

It feels organic though: The two are clearly attracted to each other and while Scott came on as strong as freaking colossus, he still rebounded well once they hung out and he could relax a bit and show the scott underneath the lairs of dumbass. The two end up cuddling in bed and Scott seems..genuiley happy saying he needed this... awwwwwww. They part the next morning with him asking her to his band’s performance. 

So Scott finds Wallace  at home who says what Scott needs to hear “You need to break up with your fake highschool girlfriend scott’ Granted the entire first 40 pages could’ve been titled that but now he’s actively cheating. He’s also got a letter. 

It’s a death threat Scott barely grazes through, just like an email earlier. 

But scott’s more concerned with his emotional distress.. i.e. the consequences of his throughly shitty actions finally hitting him in the face. 

Scott heads to practice for his gig and can’t bring himself to break up with knives, but does find out about the opposition: Crash and the Boys, based on an NES game title because of course it is. Crash, their leader, Joel their baseplayer who scott hates because he hates all other baseplayers (”I don’t hate myself kim) and Trasha, an 8 year old progedy they found playing Drum Mania. Don’t ask me what that is, i’m not going to get every refrence. 

So at the show Scott runs into Stacey and her new boyfriend Jimmy  with Stacey being supportive. And then Knives shows up and then RAMONA SHOWS UP. Oh no scott’s cheating might be discovered! 

So Scott books it while we’re introduced to Crash and the Boys. Wallace heckles them, to the band’s annoyance, until they eventually get fed up and we easly get the best gag of the volume. I was wrong this clearly tops the tea thing. 

So Crash and The Boys continue to play their set, including a song that supposdely kills the audience but really knocks them out.. which of course bothers kim because they play next. Meanwhile Ramona and Stacey meet and the two really get along.. and come back to find the audience ko’d and Wallace Making out with Stacey’s boyfriend. Oh no! Which is a dick move, no question. But Stacey’s next move is questionable even for a 19 year old: She says “You won’t steel another guy from me and tells wallace to sit over there”. Okay Stacey even if he is bi, and this series has trouble with the concept of bisexuals we’ll get into that later trust me, he made out with someone else entirely while on a date with you. Wallace is still an asshole, it’s part of his charm.. but it dosen’t change the fact your date kissed someone else seconds after you were gone and has been eyballing him all night, as seen even above. He’s not into you as you thought, just accept it, move on, and kick Jimmy in the balls and then wallace like a proper lady. So Scott prepares to play and this happens

And it’s here, at the very end of the comic the series main premise finally kicks in and the world takes it’s true shape. It’s a world where an indie comedy about a mess of a being putting his life together after finding his dream girl.. also has said mess being forced to get into fist fights with wizards, movie stars, vegans, half-ninjas, twin roboticists and a katana wielding douchenozzle record exec in order to continue to have the right to date his girlfriend. 

It’s where the series charm comes from and really what made it a huge sucess so it’s no suprise this volume perks up immensley for the climax. I’ll get more into it’s pacing problem at the end. For now it’s fight time and as we find out in a hilarious and awesome turn.. Scott is the best fighter in toronto.. which just makes me REALLLY want a Scott Pilgrim version of letterkenny. I mean who wouldn’t want to see wayne fight some guy who can turn his hands into dragons or see Squireely Dan do E.Honda’s hand slap move from streetfighter or see the skids all fuse into one mega emo. It’s just.. the possiblities are as endless as they are wonderous and I want this now. 

But yeah as Patel is both the first boss and Scott’s first real opponent Scott.. handles him really easily. This was by design as O’Malley wanted a shonen progression to the fights.. and honestly it’s a great way to do things. Since the fights are styled after shonen and video games, and both have power based progression in bad guys and threats, it just made sense. Patel.. is just pathetic even with his magic powers, and his habit of sending letters and emails just pounds it in. Though he is right to be a bit pissed Scott didn’t read a letter he hand delivered in a snowstorm. That’s just a tad rude. 

Mid-Fight, Scott, now he knows the whole evil ex boyfriend thing, wonders what Matt and Ramona’s past is and while Matthew refuses to tell.. Ramona spills easily. It was midddle school, all the jocks wanted her for whatever reason, likely because from experince in high school, guys really like indie girls. Matthew was the only non-white non jock, so they teamed up and with her strength and his mystic powers they beat them.. but since his use had dried up, she flipped him off and left.  Matthew dosen’t take this well and summons demon hipster chicks to fight while Scott and co, minus ramona, fight back with a finger gun routine and block his fire balls before propelling Scott into matthew somehow, and landing the KO Evil Exes Left: 6 Matthew bursts into coins though fun fact, O’Malley says the Exes all respawned back at home afterwords and learned their lesson. With Pattel I genuinely don’t think he did... but clearly given his penchant for formality what with the letters and emails, he probably felt it’d break protocol to attack before the rest were done. He probably jsut formed a hipster emo band and found more sucess using his magic for that instead and just forgot about the whole thing. Could be wrong but that’s what i’m going with.  So Scott asks Ramona to go out with him then make out with him, both of which she says yes to. Nice one scotty boy. Ramona then explains the whole evil exes thing: He’ll have to defeat each one as they come after him, and while Scott wonders if they’ll come one at a time Ramona’s not sure. As time will bear out, Scott is MOSTLY correct as most exes take him one on one, with the exception of the twins. But since as I said earlier the twins are basically one person, and as we’ll find out by choice, so it’s an exception. Plus their the last step before the final boss, so by that token it’s a bit fairer to have the penultimate boss get an unfair advantage. Scott is fine with that, he and Ramona share another moment and a kiss.. but Scott makes the mistake of asking if gideon is one and Ramona’s head starts glowing with her dodging the subject, though still going out with SCott and him worried.. it just feels.. off. not a bad ending but the only one of the series three cliffhanger endings that just dosen’t work for me, especailly since it is a bit before the Gideon mystery really picks up steam again. But with that we close this chapter

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Precious Little Life is a decent start to the story.  While Scott is loathsome at first, he’s still a compelling character and does get more likeable as things go, the humor when it is there shines and is one of the series best assets and while the fight is short and only at the end, it is oh so glorious especailly in cover with the impacts taking cues from the movie. It’s a good intro to Scott’s world and ther’es a reason the movie adapts this book the closest as it sets up the cast and premise well, with only Stephen Stiles feeling a bit off and ONLY for the first few chapters.  The volume is only really held back by it’s pacing, as before Scott runs into ramona in his dream the story feels a bit sluggish as we’re just watching some douche date a high school kid. While it is necessary to set up the world, it just dosen’t have the snappy pacing the series would be known for and that makes the rest of the series more charming. it’s nto BAD.. but it’s not FANTASTIC like the series would become. What keeps it from being bad is simple: These aren’t general badness signs but more just O’Malley coming into his owna nd getitng better and better as the book goes, to the point that by the next book the pacing is much better and by book 3 onwards he has it down pat.  Overall not a BAD volume but certaionly the weakest of the bunch.. which given it’s still really good says something about the ride we’re in for. I’ll be back sometime in the future, likely january. Yup i’m taking on YET ANOTHER PROJECT. but since this one, while clearly exausting and time consuimg, is much shorter in overall length, and i’m still proritizing the three I have running over this, I think i’ll be just fine. Until next time, have a happy holiday. 

[depressedkakashihatake-fics]

A Kiss Goodbye

Hatake Kakashi/Tenzo Yamato

1562 words

Kiss: Mail Kiss

For: @tenzoyamato​

Dear Senpai, Kakashi,

Dear Kakashi,

            There are few times where I question the importance of a mission, and I really do understand the importance of this one. Keeping Naruto and Bee away from the war is the best course of action to ensure that they are safe.

            But was I really necessary for this mission? I guess I just wish there was more than I could do. I know that you’d tell me I’m needed here. That if anything goes wrong I’m the only one who can keep the Kyubi under control, and that Naruto needs someone from the team here with him. At least that way maybe he won’t question what’s going on as much, and won’t try to run off to a war we’re trying so desperately to keep him out of.

            Still, a part of me wishes that I wasn’t here right now. That Gai could take care of things and I could help you. Be by your side. Hear a little less Rap music in my days. Maybe I could keep my sanity for just a bit longer if I wasn’t tasked with playing babysitter to the two more ridiculous jinjuuriki that could have ever been created.

            Seriously, are all Jinjuurki like this automatically? Is Gaara-san the only level headed one to ever exist?

            I guess what I’m saying, what I wish had happened, is that I was still with you. That I could be by your side, making sure that you’re ok. That someone has your back in this war. After all, we both know how reckless you can be, Senpai. I used to think that you had no regard for your life back when we were on Team Ro together, and maybe that was true.

            Maybe sometimes it’s still true. Even after all these years you’re still not the best at taking care of yourself in the field. Someone has to make sure you come home alive, and I’d prefer it to be me.

            I guess this is all a really long way of saying what has been on my mind for the past few months. Ever since I was put in charge of Team seven while you were healing, it has been at the back of my mind. Nagging me constantly, and it only got worse when I saw you again.

            I missed you.

            All those years of seeing you maybe once a month between missions, and knowing I wasn’t there to protect you during your own missions. Knowing that if anything happened to you I would never get to tell you how I feel.

            How much I need you in my life.

            How much I love you.

            That’s been eating at me the most these days. We’re in the middle of a war that could lead to the end of everything that we know and love, and all I can think about is how much I love you. How I’ve loved you for the past few years, though I’m not quite sure when I realized it.

            How this could be the last chance I ever have to tell you what you mean to me, and I can’t think of what else to say. What words could possibly explain the extent of these feelings that I’ve been trying so desperately to ignore.

            How I may never see you again, and I can’t imagine anything more heartbreaking.

            Love, Tenzo.

There’s an eerie silence on the battlefield. No one chatting outside the temporary camp, no words of celebration or comfort to be heard anywhere nearby. Just silence. Agonizing silence that allowed the thoughts running through his mind to echo, a never ending repetition.

I love you.

His eyes scan over the words over and over again, trying desperately to understand them. To comprehend why Tenzo was saying them now, in a note that he had written in the middle of the ocean while tucked away in some small room a world away from Kakashi. 

Why he hadn’t told him earlier, when he could do something.

Before everything went wrong.

He can’t help but reread the letter once more, searching for anything that he might have missed. Nothing changes and he can’t help but feeling frustrated about it. 

“What did i miss?” He didn’t mean to speak out loud, but hearing them somehow helps him recognize the emotions boiling up inside of him. The jumble of feelings that he couldn’t quite understand as he was reading the letter the first few times.

Anger, at himself for missing the signs that he knows must have been there. Clear as day to anyone with a functioning pair of eyes and a basic understanding of emotions. 

Confusion. Why him? Out of everyone that Tenzo could have fallen in love with, why did it have to be him? Konoha’s resident disaster. Couldn’t Tenzo have done better? Didn’t he know that falling in love with ‘friend-killer’ Kakashi was doomed to fail?

Hurt. Deep down inside of his chest it squeezes his heart in a painful grasp. One that makes it difficult to breathe. A pain that Kakashi hasn’t felt for a long time. One that he had thought, hoped, had finished haunting him.

He can feel the panic starting to set in as his fingers curl into the delicate paper, crumpling it even when he tries desperately to prevent himself from doing any damage to the letter.

The last thing that he has left of Tenzo.

The only thing he may ever receive from Tenzo ever again.

His thoughts spiral out of control, and the pain in his chest only gets worse. A deep, throbbing hurt that sinks further into his heart the more he thinks about Tenzo. The way Tenzo would smile at him when they greeted each other. That look of disapproval that would cement itself on Tenzo’s face when Kakashi did something that he didn’t like. The brush of his hands against his arm when they were just a little too close.

The smell of lavender and oak that always clung to Tenzo’s skin. Scents that had become so familiar to Kakashi over the years after nights of sleeping curled around Tenzo during Anbu missions, hoping that his body would protect the Mokuton user in case of attack. 

Scents that had only ever been connected to Tenzo, and which seemed to stick to his nose now even though Tenzo was nowhere in sight. 

“This isn’t-you’re not supposed to…” His fingers curl into a fist, crunching the letter in his grasp. His brain screams at him to calm down. He has a war to fight. Plans to make. People are relying on him to be a leader and help them survive this damn war, but he can’t.

Not right now.

Not when his heart is bursting with hurt. 

“Tenzo.” his voice falters, unsure of what it’s trying to say. What words could be said in a moment like this? Would they bring Tenzo back? Would it be enough to save the Mokuton user from ever being captured by Kabuto in the first place? 

Forcing his hand open, he looked down at the crumpled letter staring up at him. He can still see the words that haunted him, the ones that refused to leave him alone.

I love you

He wanted to scream. To demand an explanation from the universe for why this always had to happen. Why those three simple words haunted him over and over again. Always taking those he cared about away from him after they dared to say those words to him.

“Why?” somehow his heart breaks a little bit more, and he can’t help but curl into himself and press his hands against his head. The letter is crushed completely in his grip, but he doesn’t care anymore. It’s just paper.

Just words that Tenzo was never able to say to his face.

Words that he’ll never be able to hear for himself.

It’s like a kiss against his lips, left behind by a ghost. A kiss he’ll never be able to taste for himself, existing only on the face of Tenzo’s letter.

A tease, for something he can never have for himself.

The pain in his chest worsens, and his fingers twitch against his head as the tears start to slide down his face. Each breath he draws in burns, like he’s swallowing fire. He’s not sure what’s happening around him anymore, only registering the moment that an arm comes down around his shoulders and pulls him right up against a solid body.

Gai.

It has to be Gai. No one else would interrupt him. No one had the courage to approach him when he’s in this state, preferring to back out and leave well enough alone if they are unfortunate enough to walk in on him during a bad spiral. 

No one else knew about the letter, except for Gai. The one who had found it tucked away in Tenzo’s things after Kabuto’s attack, and gave it to Kakashi. The only person who knew what Kakashi might be going through at this moment.

He doesn’t relax the same way he usually would with his friend by his side. Not tonight. He just curls up into himself and hides his face away in Gai’s chest, thankful that his friend knew when to show up.

That he didn’t have to be alone when the pain became unbearable.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Hello, I read your post from yesterday with interest . I’ve contacted a number of cc shippers and have always been polite and always limit myself to one basic question when I do ask, so I don’t think I could possible cause offence.

My question always is: why do you believe it so much? Or is it because you want to believe it. You were a teenager when the show aired - do you not understand more now about the dynamics involved?

This fandom is obsessed with shipping, is your fascination with the actors being together not similar to people’s fascination with pezberry or Kurtbastian?

You say they must have dated during the show. Darren has always said he is straight. In questioning this, are you not questioning his integrity and honesty? He has numerous gay friends, do you not think they would call him out for maintaining he’s straight? Or that there is no reason why he needs to lie? He has a wife , who seems to be trashed daily by certain cc shippers - is that not just a horrible thing to do?

I have seen every scene, every kiss, every look, every movement over analysed to try and prove something was going on. Likewise, every event they attended , and still even on zoom meet ups, people try to read into what each of them says to try and say they’re together. It’s all a bit silly. They had great onscreen chemistry definitely seasons 2-4, but Darren did with Chord too for example, and Chris with Adam Lambert, but it doesn’t mean these were offscreen relationships.

Sorry this is a bit long, but I’d be grateful for your views.

*sigh*

Aight I’m gonna be real with you. As I recently saw someone say: you can be right and still be annoying. Similarly, you can be polite and still carry a hugely condescending and high and mighty tone.

Also, i know the topic is a bit (for some fucking reason) taboo, but if you really thought you were being polite, I doubt you’d hide behind an anon button and message me directly instead.

first of all, I would like to point out that this isn’t “one simple question” as you claim it is lmao, it’s actually kind of several. but I’m happy to answer your questions if itll make you a more tolerant person :)

I never said I believed in it with absolute faith, so I would appreciate you not putting words in my mouth. I did say I think they might have dated during filming, and this varies from person to person for sure! There were definitely days where I was like “lmao, I’m a lunatic, there’s no way this can be true.” Truly everything is just on things that felt off or hunches I’ve had. I don’t KNOW anything for sure, although some people may be more certain than me, and they are entitled to do so! It’s literally just a hunch, just an opinion, but I’m allowed it and so is everyone else

Yeah, I was a teenager when this aired, and I feel like you’re a teenager now?? (I may be wrong, but I feel like I’ve seen you around on Twitter because I’ve seen threads like this that give you clout for asking “sincere” questions for cc shippers come from the same person/group) And I’m not sure what you meant by “do you not understand more now about the dynamics involved?” which dynamics? Involved in what? Be specific. Show your work.

I would say my interested in cc is different than kurtbastian or pezberry because both of those ships are based on fictional characters so I really don’t understand what the comparison is there? but if you meant that it’s not “canon” then ummm idek where to start there. The real world and fictional worlds work differently! Just thought to throw that out there :)

Again, i never said they MUST have dated. I said I think they dated. Pleeeeeaaase stop putting words in my mouth, I would SUPER appreciate it! I don’t think I’m questioning Darren’s integrity or honesty at all in my belief that he may have possibly had a relationship with a man!

I’m gay. I’ve told people I’m straight because either I’m 1) not ready to come out to family 2) afraid of losing my job or 3) none of your damn business! My numerous gay friends don’t call me out for “maintaining I’m straight” because it’s not their place to push me out of the closet. If anything, they understand my situation more than anyone else law possibly could. Also, this is just me personally, but I highkey think the implication that those staying in the closet (for whatever reasons) are being dishonest is super gross and disrespectful. Closeted people exist, and while I’m not saying that’s definitively the case here, I would take it into consideration before saying something like that

As for mia, people are allowed to have opinions about her. Just as certain people don’t like Heather or Darren or literally any other public figures, they are allowed to dislike her. And I think if they aren’t sending her hate tweets... why the fuck would she care? she’s not crying over it every day like “oh no a group of maybe twenty people on tumblr with anonymous pseudonyms hate me woe is me” nah she has a life to get on with. And if it upsets you so much I would recommend blocking them or unfollowing them.

That last part wasn’t a question, so I’m not sure if you wanted me to respond? It was kind of just you stating your view, which, cool, but you did say you had “one simple question” for me lol but thanks for sharing!

If you’re wondering why I answered with the tone I did, I would reread your ask and reevaluate yours. You might think you were being polite, but honest to god it felt like a poor attempt at a “gotcha!” ask. Your wording, your condescending tone, saying things like “do you not understand so and so? do you believe it because you WANT to? Is that not just a horrible thing to do?” REALLY came off as patronizing so. Just an FYI. But you might have known that.

Send whatever asks you want, but if you’re gonna be a dick, don’t hide behind the farce of diplomacy and objectivity

[bitchy-marvel-dude]

For Politics

Following a request from @hamficwriter! Thank you so much for the ask! Feel free to send more, if you want. It’s nice to have something to do :)

Word count: 700

Warnings: Cheating

Alexander didn’t know how to feel.

A million things were going through his head. 

Shock was the most apparent one. Shock that George would do this to him. Shock that George could do this to him. He’d thought he was too good of a person to even think about doing this. Apparently he was wrong. 

Disbelief came next. With every word, every repeated word, as he read and reread the article. He was sure that, by the end of all this, he’d have the entire damned thing memorized. Especially the headline.

President Washington Walks Out of Prestigious Nightclub With A Mysterious Woman On His Arm

Alexander couldn’t breathe. 

They’d never been out about their relationship - how could they be? George was the president. It would’ve seriously affected his campaign. And even then, after he was elected, if the people found out he was gay, he could very well be impeached. Him being a person of colour was bad enough for most people - him being queer? He might as well resign now. 

So Alexander knew there wouldn’t be much of a scandal. Besides the debate over whether or not the president was bedding a prostitute happening in the comment section of the article, George didn’t seem to have to worry much. If anything, the people seemed rather… excited. Some were hopeful that this mystery woman would someday be the First Lady.

The only one that would be hurt, in this situation at least, was Alexander. But then, when had it ever been any different?

He stood up quickly, almost falling back down again as all the blood rushed from his head, before marching toward their shared bedroom. He dragged a suitcase out of the closet - it was old and musty, probably hadn’t been used since Alexander’s college days - and packed his clothes. None of the ones George had given him. He wasn’t going to take anything from the man, or owe him anything. 

That left him with old clothing that probably dated back to when he had first emigrated to the United States from the Carribean. Little worn, but it would work. He had a well-paying job. He could easily buy new ones.

He was tossing socks and underwear into the suitcase when George came crashing into the room. 

“Alex?” he said, (Don’t call me that) a dazed expression falling onto his face as his gaze landed on the suitcase. “W-what- what are you doing-?”

Alexander didn’t answer, instead zipping up the suitcase and searching the room for his missing shoes. Maybe under the bed-?

“Alex?” Don’t call me that…

He found them by the dresser, dark purple sneakers. The laces were still tied. He pulled them on his feet, even though he had no shoes on. He just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible…

“Alex, baby, you gotta talk to me-” Stop calling me that. A hand gripped his shoulder. Alexander’s fists clenched as he shook himself out of his grasp, turning on his heel and grabbing the tablet from the next room over before shoving it into George’s chest. “I know,” he said. “Alex, please, just let me explain-”

“Stop fucking calling me that!” he finally shouted. George looked taken aback.

“It… it was a mistake. A ploy. It’s all politics, Alexander, you know that -”

“And you didn’t tell me?!” Alexander shouted. “Y-you didn’t tell me before you decided you were going to bed a woman- and-and… and for w-what? Politics?” 

“Alexander, I am so, so sorry, you have to believe me, I wanted to tell you-” He reached out, fingertips grazing against Alexander’s shoulder. Alexander jerked away, like the touch had physically burned him. His eyes stung.

“You’re not,” Alexander said. “I’m leaving.” He grabbed his suitcase, heading toward the door, bare feet uncomfortable in his sneakers. 

“Alexander, please, I really am sorry! Please-”

“The only thing you’re sorry about is that I won’t be in your bed every night. I’m done, George. You’ve crossed a line,” Alexander said. George didn’t move to leave the bedroom. When Alexander was at the front door, he called back, “Don’t expect to see me again!”

When the door slammed closed, he could feel it - something severing. A door had closed. As he walked toward the nearest bus stop, he knew that that part of his life was ending.

As he stepped onto the bus, he knew another part of his life was beginning.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 29 of 26

Title: The House in the Cerulean Sea (2020)

Author: TJ Klune

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Comedy, Romance, Found Family, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person 

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 10/13/2020

Date Finished: 10/18/2020

Linus Baker, a forty-year-old caseworker for the Department in Charge of Magical Youth (DICOMY), lives a solitary and mundane life. But when he’s summoned by Extremely Upper Management and given a top-secret case, everything changes. Linus is sent to the classified Marsyas Island and tasked with investigating an orphanage housing six dangerous magical children-- including the Antichrist. He is to live among the residents for one month, record his observations, and report back to the organization. No more, no less. 

The master of the house, Arthur Parnassus, is a mysterious and enigmatic man. But Linus soon learns that Arthur will do anything to protect his wards. As Linus grows closer to Arthur and the children, a secret from the past and prejudice of the present threaten to destroy the orphanage and their way of life. Linus must decide if he can abandon the world he knows in order to help the ones that need it the most. 

"Fire and ash!” Lucy bellowed as he paced back and forth. “Death and destruction! I, the harbinger of calamity will bring pestilence and plague to the people of this world. The blood of the innocents will sustain me, and you will all fall to your knees in benediction as I am your god.” 

He bowed. 

The children and Mr. Parnassus clapped politely. Theodore chirped and spun in a circle. 

Linus gaped. 

“That was a lovely story, Lucy,” Mr. Parnassus said. “I especially liked your use of metaphors. Keep in mind that pestilence and plague are technically the same thing, so it did get a little repetitious at the end, but other than that, quite impressive. Well done.” 

Minor spoilers and content warning(s) under the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Semi-detailed discussions of child abuse and trauma. Internalized fatphobia (challenged). Structural discrimination, and hatred/prejudice associated with that, some of it internalized. 

I'm going to have a hard time reviewing this book, because it was so goddamn good I don’t think I’ll do it justice in a few short paragraphs. So here’s the fast version: The House in the Cerulean Sea was a fucking delight to read from the first page. It’s full of genuine humor, magic, and charm, while being just this side of heart-wrenching. Though geared toward adults, it’s the first novel I’ve read in a long time that captures that childlike enthusiasm I used to have when reading a good fantasy book. It takes place in a world with magic (obviously), but it’s 98% character-driven. Both the main plot and the (queer!) romantic subplot are woven together so well that neither feel tacked on or lacking. The found family hit me in the emotions again and again and again. I read books out loud, and I spent the last third of this book struggling because I kept fucking crying and having to take regular breaks before continuing. And then I went through the whole book to find a good quote for this review and ended up fucking crying again. So yeah. 

Ok. Got that off my chest. Usually in these reviews I talk about what I liked and then what didn't work for me or confused me. The good news (?) is I have zero complaints or critiques on this one. So you just get to hear me gushing about it for a while.  

Since this is a character-driven book that’s where I’ll start. Linus Baker, the protagonist, is great. Let me just say I love speculative fiction books starring older characters. At forty, Linus isn’t old, but it feels like the majority of spec fic stars people under thirty. Linus is also a conspicuously ordinary guy; prim and proper to a fault, no magic, oblivious in many ways (including to his own loneliness), but with a hidden sense of justice and protectiveness for people that comes out more and more. His development over the course of the novel and how much he grows to love and care for the other characters is just so good. The writing draws attention to this through repeated phrases and jokes one doesn’t expect to make a comeback (more on that later). Seeing him come out of his shell and stand up for what’s right is cathartic as hell. As a side note, it’s also nice to have a fat protagonist who struggles with his self-image but gets warm affirmation and support from his family and love interest. 

Arthur Parnassus, the deuteragonist and said love interest, is more of an enigma. A lot of his motivation and behavior makes sense once you get his Tragic Backstory (TM), and I think this will be a fun book to reread based on that. I picked up on some of it before the reveal, but not everything. But without spoiling it, I do love seeing an older (mid-forties) father figure who would do literally anything to make sure the children on the island have the care and love they need. Seeing his patient love and acceptance of them tugs my heartstrings. Maybe I’m a bit of a sap. Linus and Arthur’s obvious mutual crush on each other is also really cute, okay. There’s something about older queer people finding love that makes me smile. 

And the children are great too, of course. I really liked each of them and thought they were all unique and interesting. My favorites are probably Lucy the six-year-old Antichrist, Sal the were-Pomeranian (his arc just really hit home for me), and Talia the gnome. They all have such distinct and fun personalities, and seeing them interact is great and often hilarious. I’m not very paternal, but I love seeing children with sad/abusive pasts blossom into their best selves with love, guidance, and support. It’s uh, a little personal. I’d be remiss not to mention Zoe, the resident island sprite, who brings a whole lot of personality and rounds off the group. 

When I say the story is character-driven, I mean it. While a fantasy novel, there’s not any significant violence or action in the story (except for maybe one scene if you squint). The House in the Cerulean Sea is carried by its characters, interactions, and worldbuilding. The humor and inherent charm helps too -- and manages to do so without ever feeling trite. I can’t help but admire that. I was never bored; I honestly enjoyed every page because I liked the characters so much. Not to say there isn’t an overarching conflict with the whole DICOMY thing, but most of the focus is Linus struggling and coming to terms with his discoveries-- about the others and himself, and how he can make a difference on a grand scale. To me that kind of stuff is captivating. And boy does seeing someone find the place they belong get me. As I said, found family is a big thing in this book. 

Aside from that, the writing is just super; it literally had me laughing from the first page. I can’t believe the fucking lemur joke came back at the end, too. But on that subject, I love that this book utilizes recurring jokes and phrases to show Linus’ character development. In particular, “see something, say something” and “don’t you wish you were here?” have VERY specific meanings to Linus at the beginning of the story, and over time transform into the polar opposite. I’m  holding myself back because I don’t want to spoil shit, but if you read it you’ll see what I mean. There’s also a lot of meaningful callbacks to certain dialogue earlier in the story and I eat that kind of stuff up. But even small details, like the early quip about Linus forgetting his umbrella, come back to deliver an emotional gutpunch near the end. So thanks for that, Mr. Klune. 

The book really takes a turn in the second half of the story, which is a tad darker. Avoiding the Actual Spoilers, this is where prejudice and hatred of the outside world become a bigger part of the story. We learn what’s really at stake, and that this wonderful found family in the first half is threatened by a world that hates and fears them. Boy does that shit get emotional REAL quick. Yes the allegory is obvious. No, that’s not a bad thing. Ultimately, The House in the Cerulean Sea becomes a story about love, hope, and change; and boy does that shit strike my gay little heart right where it hurts. 

If you’re looking for a (literal) magical pick-me-up (ignore my comment about crying a whole lot) with INTENSE found family vibes and a side helping of queer mlm romance, dear God read The House in the Cerulean Sea. I don’t think I did it justice in this review; just trust me, it’s real good. My only complaint is that it ends; I want more, damn it! 

[delta-roseblr]

I would love to read something from John's POV about when he figured out Dean was also bi and then him coming out to his son. Sorry, I just love the Solace's drama, and you're the only one proving me with anything good in that department. (Which is why I'm rereading Normal Lives. Again.) Xxx

Hello!

So this is only going to cover part of your prompt. John figuring out about Dean’s sexuality happens a lot sooner then him coming out to Dean about his own. Hopefully you still enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sounds in the distance amplified by John’s half hungover and boozed soaked brain was enough to bring him to at least semi-consciousness. It still took him a solid minute to realize that he was sleeping on his own couch. It took him another minute to remember he wasn’t supposed to be there.

For one, he really didn’t remember getting home the night before which normally wasn’t the best of signs. That memory glitch aside, John knew he wasn’t supposed to be home. The night before had been Dean’s prom, and John was pretty sure he had a date, not that Dean had really admitted that. Dean had been weirdly secretive about his personal life lately, and John was still in the giving him space phase. If Dean started to do things that were concerning, John would push for information, and until that he would let Dean have his privacy. Part of that was John promising to not be around that night so Dean could bring home his date (not that he admitted to having one) if he wanted.

He had fucked up, that was for sure. The last thing he remembered from the night before was the bartender giving him a free tequila shot. He wanted to blame the bartender, but he had been kind of hot (but a little young for John’s taste), and at this point in his life John knew nothing good ever came from fucking tequila.

John sat up on the couch, and he would have fucking sworn he felt his blood rush from his head even before the room started to spin. The living room did the merry-go-round thing for a few seconds which was unpleasant, but in the end, was infinitely better than the headache that replaced it.

Reflexively he groaned and put his head in his hands in an attempt to hold in his brains which felt like they we're trying to beat their way out of his skull. It didn’t go away, but it did subside enough for the sounds of shuffling in the kitchen stood out. Dean was going to be annoyed with him, that he knew, but in the end, he was a good fucking kid. A better kid than John probably deserved. He would yell a little, sure, but he would also make coffee and potential breakfast and he would get John ibuprofen.

John pushed himself to his feet and then stopped as the world momentarily spun again before stumbling toward the kitchen to see what Dean was up to. His vision was still a little blurry from just waking up and he was sure the stink of cigarette smoke and booze that was radiating out of his clothes from the bar the night before wasn’t helping with that any. So he was still wiping the sleep from the eyes as he entered the kitchen and spoke to the blurry figure rummaging through the cabinets, “Please tell me you’re making coffee, kiddo.”

The sound of something heavy and plastic hitting the floor accompanied by an aggressive curse was enough to clear John’s vision fast and it was quite the sight he found. For one, there were coffee grounds spilled across the kitchen floor. For another, the guy that was standing in his kitchen wasn’t Dean.

The guy- no, the kid- standing there looked to be about Dean’s age which John had to admit was a bit of a relief. Oh, the kid was shirtless which was the reason those hickeys were visible. He was standing there in just some snug briefs and looked to be in impressive shape (Go, kiddo!). He looked to be on the shorter side, but John had been six feet since he was fifteen, so he always struggled to tell people’s height. Everyone that was shorter than him fell in the short category in his mind. The guy had dark hair, striking yes, even if John really couldn’t make out the color, and a medium to light complexion. Similar to his obviously athletic physique, his facial features were classically handsome. All in all, the kid was good looking even as he stared at John in shock and complete panic.

“You’re not my kid,” John observed matter-of-factly. It wasn’t his most eloquent moment, but it was the best he could come up with considering he was hungover as fuck and his head felt like it was going to fucking explode. He was pretty sure going with his first instinct and making a joke about him being the secret Dean has been keeping wouldn’t help the kid’s obvious panic. This was the fucking south! The poor kid was probably terrified John was going to pull a gun on him or some crazy shit. John knew that shit from personal experience.

John waited as the kid’s eyes darted around the room for a few seconds like he was assessing the situation before they settled back on John standing there. He seemed to find at least some level of composure which was impressive considering he obviously wasn’t feeling very composed. “Ay, no, I’m not,” the kid admitted. The nerves were still there but John was impressed with how he was holding it together. John probably would have jumped out a window put into the same position at his age. A half a second of silence passed and that was apparently too much for him. He gave a painfully awkward wave as he greeted, “Hi.”

“S’up,” John returned with a nod.

He almost said the name. The name Dean had been saying near-constantly since the summer.

Felix. 

If John had to guess the kid standing in front of him had to be Felix. There had always been something about the way Dean talked about Felix. John recognized it from his own youth even if he didn’t dare point that out to Dean at the time. Dean would have to figure that out for himself if that was the case, and John didn’t think pushing it would help things any.

John was about as positive as he could be, without Dean directly telling him, that his kid felt far beyond friendship for this Felix kid. The only reason John didn’t call the kid in front of him by the name he suspected was his, was that he couldn’t be sure. Dean could have struck out and ended up with someone else and he didn’t want to torpedo Dean’s chances with someone else.

Luckily for the kid, John didn’t care even if he was a little hurt that Dean didn’t feel comfortable telling him that he was gay. The kid clearly hadn’t picked up on that and he still looked like he wanted to literally run.

From down the hall, Joh heard a door open and the sounds of approaching footsteps. Within seconds Dean appeared in the doorway. “Is everything-,” Dean started but stopped mid-sentence the moment he noticed John standing there. The look that spread across his face was far from a happy one. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!”

The expression on Dean’s face alone should have been warning enough but John was still taken by surprise by the yelling. It was the last thing his throbbing head needed either. It was almost reflex to bring his hands up to protect his eyes, and if need be, hold his head together because it really did feel ready to split in two. “Oh, kiddo, not so loud,” he requested in a whisper.

“WE HAD A FUCKING DEAL! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” Dean continued to shout because apparently, he couldn’t appropriately convey his obvious rage quietly, “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!”

John closed his eyes but that didn’t help his headache or with the intensity of Dean’s shouting. He cracked open an eye and held out a hand as a sign of surrender because at that point Dean had most definitely won and started to plea, “Kiddo-,”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK THAT YOU ARE HUNGOVER!” Dean cut him off sharply and just as loudly. “YOU CAN’T BE HERE!”

Dean was a pretty laid-back kid from birth, but he still got annoyed when John drank too much or if he forgot to pay a bill. This wasn’t the first time Dean had gotten angry enough to yell at him. In this case though, the reaction seemed so out of proportion. Dean couldn’t possibly think John would care if he was gay. That would be laughable especially considering John couldn’t exactly call himself straight. Dean didn’t know about that but still, he had to know John wouldn’t care.

John just didn’t have the energy to fight, and he couldn’t tell Dean not to be pissed because they had had a deal, but all the yelling was a bit much. “Alright, now you’re just being dramatic,” he pointed out with a sigh. He tried to rub his temples which seemed to help his headache at least a little. “You really don’t need me out of the county to get laid, do you?”

Really all John wanted to do was calm the situation down a little bit, end the yelling, and get everyone to relax but that statement had the opposite effect. John could practically feel the panic in the room increase tenfold. Dean was still angry but even he seemed to have shifted his focus. What they honestly thought John was supposed to think considering the situation. Dean’s “friend” was standing there in nothing but his boxers with clear signs that he had gotten laid all over his body, and Dean wasn’t much better in just sweatpants with a pretty fucking obvious hickey on his collarbone. They had obviously fucked around, and good for them. Getting laid was practically a quintessential part of prom night, or at least that was John’s experience.

“No,” Dean friend interjected with practically zero confidence as he did. As soon as the attention shifted to him the kid seemed to get even more uncomfortable. He pulled his arms over his chest like he was embarrassed by his level of nudity. Kid had nothing to be ashamed of there, that was for damn sure. “We’re not-” he started, looked at Dean, and then immediately rethought what he was saying, “I mean, we didn’t-” the poor kid stopped again. He clearly realized he wasn’t coming across as anywhere close to believable and was panicking. After a couple of seconds of fumbling to find an excuse or something, the kid did something John could really appreciate. He cussed.

“Ah, yeah, so I can explain,” Dean immediately chimed in. He was suddenly much calmer, and John recognized it as Dean shifting into problem-solving mode. “So Felix ended up crashing here because of his date-”

John laughed. He didn’t really mean to but the moment he realized the Dean was actually going to try to feed him some bullshit excuse for why there was some attractive high school athlete in their kitchen, he couldn’t help himself. Thing was, John was sure that Dean could be what people would consider a good liar, but he just knew Dean too well.

“Are you seriously going to lie to my face right now?” he asked even though he knew the answer was yes. It really was funny except John thought Dean didn’t lie to him about anything, and he was a little hurt that he was trying to. Of course, he also couldn’t help but think of himself at Dean’s age, and all the secrets he had. John liked to think that he kept secrets for reasons Dean shouldn’t have had, but maybe keeping secrets was part of being a teenager. That thought was both stressful and nauseating. “You know what, I probably deserve it,” he conceded as he brought his hands up to scrub at his face, “I was a lying piece of shit as a teenager.”

“I have no idea what you are trying to say,” Dean declared flatly.

John didn’t know if he should be impressed or hurt by how much Dean was really digging into the lie. It was something for discussion that was for fucking sure but maybe not in front of Dean’s still panicked friend. John’s throbbing head probably wouldn’t help the situation any either. “Kiddo, I’m going to be honest,” John started as he pushed off the doorway he had been leaning on and stumbled to press a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “I’m still a little drunk from last night, so I’m not really in the condition to do this with you.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he grumbled, “Shocking.”

“Oh, and we’ve switched to sarcasm.”  Sarcasm wasn’t great but it was at least a sign that Dean was cooling off a little. It also more than likely meant that there was a lecture in John’s future which was less than thrilling. He could have probably let it pass because it wasn’t like he got bothered if Dean got a little mouthy. Hell, the kid had a right to do it far more than he ever did. Of course, keeping his mouth shut had never been John’s style.

He gave Dean’s shoulder a couple of pats as he continued, “So, tell ya what I’m going to do? I’m going to go to my room and pass out, and you two can have the rest of the house to finish your date or whatever.”

He didn’t hang around for Dean’s response. He didn’t need to. With a date that looked like that, John was sure that Dean wanted to get back to giving him his full attention. He used his grip on Dean to give him an extra boost as he started down the hall.

“Really thought Will would be the one that would be into dudes,” he admitted aloud even though he was really just talking to himself.

John loved his nephew almost as much as if he were his own kid and he spent plenty of time with him as he grew up. He wasn’t going to pre-determine his destiny or anything, but he had figured out he wasn’t straight a pretty early on. It wasn’t like he was overly flamboyant or anything. There was just something John thought he picked up on. Dean had always been harder to read but John guessed he had an answer to that now too.

He stumbled through his bedroom door, managed to shut it behind himself, and then promptly collapsed on his bed. A few more hours of sleep and hopefully his head would stop throbbing.

The sounds of shouting and angry footsteps storming down the hall let him know that sleep might not be in the cards for him quite yet even before Dean pushed into the room. “Why!?!” Dean questioned angrily as he stood at the side of John’s bed, “Why couldn’t you just do what you promised you would, just this once?”

He was fucking pissed. It was impressive that he was managing to maintain such an intense level of emotion over something that didn’t seem like that big of a deal. John got that he had fucked up but he was out of Dean’s hair now. Really, no harm no foul. “Kiddo,” he sighed.

“Don’t fucking kiddo me!” Dean growled before John could get out another word.

This was not going to be a quick conversation, that much was clear. John really wished that he could blame this stubborn strike Dean had on his crazy mother, but honestly, John was pretty sure Dean got that from him. Even if Dean had gotten that from Marie, at least he hadn’t picked up her propensity for throwing things. John definitely didn’t miss that shit.

Despite his pounding head begging him not to, John pushed up so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed. “So you’re upset,” he acknowledged in hopes of calming Dean down at least a little bit.

“Are you just realizing that?” Dean questioned with outrage, “You said you wouldn’t be here!”

“I know,” John conceded. If he could go back in time and kick his own drunk ass he would because this was broaching a miserable situation. Sleeping on his lumpy as fuck couch was not fucking worth it, that was for damn sure. He brought his hands up and started scrubbing at his face with his palms. “Sorry,” he grumbled through his hands.

“Sorry isn’t good enough!”

“Sorry is all I got, kiddo,” John admitted as he threw up his hands in surrender. There was nothing he could do about it and it wasn’t like he had meant to go back on his word. He had just fucked up. Dean didn’t have to like it but he was going to deal with it. If he could deal with it without the need to keep shouting, it would have been preferred because John’s headache was still pretty fucking mind-numbing.

Peeking at Dean through one barely opened eye because his head was screaming for him to keep his eyes closed, he asked, “Shouldn’t you be more worried about your date?” That certainly seemed like it would be more fun than yelling at John for something that couldn’t be changed.

Dean was still obviously pissed off but the question made him shrink back. He pulled his arms over his chest and looked down toward his bare feet. It was so fucking weird seeing his normally open and confident kid act like that. It made John feel like complete shit that Dean could honestly even consider the idea that John would be bothered by anything he could do. John got extremely lucky in that Dean was really just an awesome kid, but even if he wasn’t, John would still think the fucking world of him. Dean was the best thing that happened to him and the best thing he ever created. He really thought he did enough that Dean would get that.

John waited for Dean to break out of his little funk and when he didn’t he shook his head with disappointment. “God, kid, do I really have to say it?”

Dean looked up with an expression of surprise and maybe a dash of confusion, “Say what?”

“Dean,” John tried to stress the seriousness and sincerity in his words even though his head was throbbing and his stomach had started to turn unpleasantly, “I don’t care if you are gay.”

The words hung there between them for a few seconds. If anything Dean seemed to pull in on himself even more as he replied, “I’m not.”

God damn, John cursed inwardly. This whole situation was fucking ridiculous. John could imagine being so thick-headed if he was in Dean’s position. Of course, John’s parents finding out about his sexuality had gone about as bad as it could have so it was not hard to imagine being in Dean’s shoes.

“It doesn’t change anything,” he assured as patiently as he could manage considering his worsening hangover, “I still love you, and you’re still my kid, and all shit.”

Dean sighed and shifted his shoulders like he was uncomfortable in his own skin. “Yeah, I get that,” he said in an almost dismissive way. John didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing but it was something. “But I’m really not gay,” he stated with a surprising level of certainty.

John held in a chuckle because it really wasn’t the time but it was hard. There was a half-naked teenaged boy in his fucking kitchen, for Christ's sake, and he wasn’t there for John because he had been too old for dating teenagers the moment he had a kid (and yeah he was technically still a teenager at that point). Really, what was Dean trying to sell him? “So the guy who looks like he is from page ten of a teen heart-throb magazine who is standing in nothing but his underwear in our kitchen is what? Your tutor?”

Dean still didn’t look comfortable in his own skin but a little smile spread across his face despite that. “Felix is just….different,” Dean explained, “But I’m not really gay, not completely.”

John earned a beer later for being right that their house guest was the practically famed Felix. Well, at least Dean wasn’t completely oblivious because it was obvious there was an interest there just from listening to Dean talk about him.

He whipped at his face to hide his grin. “Oh, so that is the Felix,” he commented, “Guess that explains why you talk about him constantly.”

Dean looked shocked. So shocked that he forgot that he was angry and uncomfortable. “I don’t talk about him that much,” he stated insistently.

Okay, maybe he was still a little oblivious.

“Kiddo, it has been nonstop Felix for like a year,” John informed plainly. “I almost wanted to ask him for his autograph.”

Dean blinked a few times and John was pretty sure he could see Dean running through all the times he talked about Felix in his head. It had to be a quick review because it didn’t take him long to finish with a long sigh that seemed like his form of concession. The tension in his shoulders released visibly and he pushed the fingers of his hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, we haven’t been together that long.”

Despite his pounding head or his churning stomach, John couldn’t help but find himself intrigued. He had figured there was a chemistry there, even if Dean didn’t see it on the surface, but he had figured if Dean was in a same-sex relationship he would have heard about it. Maybe it was just his ego but John had just figured that it wasn’t something so established. “Oh, so this is a whole thing then?” he questioned with a crooked eyebrow, “Prom didn’t just get really out of hand?”

“No,” Dean admitted with a shake of his head, “We’ve been dating since January.”

Well, that was a bomb. Not only was Dean in a gay relationship but he had been for a while. John felt like the most oblivious parent on the planet. In the past, when Dean had been in relationships he talked about it. He hadn’t said shit to John since January, although in hindsight he had been “hanging out” with Felix a fucking lot over the last few months. Maybe John was the one who was oblivious.

“Shit, so it’s serious?” he asked. He was genuinely fucking curious because this was the first time he didn’t know about something so big in Dean’s personal life.

Dean blushed and looked toward the closed door for a second. “I mean yeah, I think so,” Dean answered in a way John had never seen his kid act. He seemed happy which was good but also bashful and uncertain.

Dean was good-looking, well-mannered, smart, and athletic so it wasn’t really surprising that he seemed to be successful in the high school dating scene. He definitely seemed to be more successful than John’s band-geek ass ever had back in the day. He had had at least a couple of serious girlfriends that John knew of. Dean had never seemed really invested in those relationships, at least not enough to care when they ended. John could already tell just by Dean’s body language that this relationship was different.

John wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be happy or worried about that. Dean was supposed to be going off to college in a few months. He wasn’t exactly in the place to be getting into some intense love affair, and John was well aware that when his kid got intense about something he got intense. He didn’t want to discourage Dean either because this was obviously some moment of self-discovery, and he shouldn’t miss out on that or a great romance for that matter. They were usually a wild ride and even if they crashed and burned (which they normally did) the ride was still worth experiencing.

“Good for you, kiddo,” he encouraged, pushing his fingers through his hair as he spoke. “I still thought it was going to be Will that was into guys.” It was probably sort of shitty that he and Nams had a bet going on that one but they absolutely did. Will wasn’t effeminate or anything like that but John had always thought he got a vibe. Maybe it was the Apollo of the whole thing. Having your beloved nephew be the offspring of a guy (or technically god) you used to screw around with was bound to mess with your mind at least a little.

It was an offhanded comment, almost a joke really. Dean shifted with obvious discomfort as his eyes began to wander the room nervously. “Yeah, about that,” he muttered. He seemed to give the next bit some thought before admitting, “Will is gay.”

Am I out of the loop on everything? John wondered.

“Well, fuck,” he exclaimed although there wasn’t that much surprise it. He really had always suspected and he always figured with how close Dean and Will had always been, Dean would be the first to know. “Nams owes me twenty bucks. Does she know?” The way John figured it there was about a fifty percent chance that she knew. Nams was absolutely brilliant after all but she also had a tendency to actively not see things that she wasn’t ready to deal with. Not that Naomi would have any issue with Will being gay. She had always been supportive of John after all. But in some ways, John knew her relationship with Will was still fragile from whatever it was that led him to live at camp for a year. She wouldn’t be looking to potentially drive him away again by prying into his personal life.

“About Will?” Dean questioned with a thoughtful nod, “Yeah, she has known for a while.”

“Sneaky bitch,” John commented with a bit of a chuckle. He was definitely going to give her shit for keeping this one to herself.

“Um, about Aunt Naomi….,” Dean hummed. He was clearly trying to pick his words carefully and the nervous energy rolling off him was back up. “She doesn’t know about me and Felix,” he admitted in an almost whisper - like he was afraid she might somehow hear him or something.

How Dean was acting was so unlike him, John honestly didn’t know what to make of it. He was at least glad to hear that he wasn’t the absolute last person to know about it but beyond that, he was at a complete loss. “Okay.”

“And you can’t tell her,” Dean explained nervously. The kid managed to look at John at the end of the statement and the look in his eyes was absolutely dire.

John fucking loved his kid and he would do almost anything to make him happy but lying to his sister never ended well. He was honestly surprised Dean would even ask for that because John was pretty sure that Dean told Naomi most things about his life.

“Nope,” John dismissively as he shook his head so that he was really extra clear just how much that shit wasn’t happening. “Sorry, kiddo, I can’t lie to your Aunt Nams,” he explained, “I’ve done it before and it has never ended well for me, and she always finds out.”

“Felix’s dad doesn’t know,” Dean explained with an actual huff of frustration “And Felix is really worried about how he will react.”

That concern was one John could understand but he didn’t get how that related to what he told Naomi. “Then I won’t tell Felix’s dad,” he assured, “That I’m pretty sure I can fucking manage since I’ve never met the guy, and I don’t plan on taking an ad out in the newspaper or anything.”

He remembered that Dean had said Felix had moved to town from out of state. John had only barely met the kid but he definitely had a northern accent. If his dad wasn’t a local John was almost positive they hadn’t crossed paths unless the guy had a thing for dive bars. If his kid was so worried about his dad’s reaction to him being gay or whatever, it did make John wonder about the guy. He would have to remember to ask Dean a few follow up questions when Dean was not on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“Yeah,” Dean hummed still sounding nervous, “But here is the problem.”

At those words, John was immediately reminded of the fact that he was hungover and had a killer headache. Problems were never good. Problems that couldn’t be told to Naomi were likely to be disastrous. “Oh, nothing good ever started with that statement,” he groaned and brought his hands up to scrub at his face. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what would come next.

“Aunt Naomi is kind of dating Felix’s dad,” Dean admitted.

“Fucking A, Dean!” John shouted. That was so much worse than anything he had been anticipating. Naomi was actually pretty chill, maybe even too chill sometimes, but even she had her fucking limits.

That was just so fucking awkward and as much as John wanted to give this Felix kid’s dad the benefit of the doubt because Naomi was seeing him, he really couldn’t. Naomi didn’t always have the best taste in men, not that John could really judge because he wasn’t that much better. He personally blamed their father for that one. The man had set the fucking rock bottom of expectations. Just don’t be an aggressively religious, abusive, alcoholic and a guy would look great in John’s eyes.

Dean was probably right to worry, but Naomi wouldn’t get that. She would assume the guy was just as open and understanding as she was even if she had no proof that was true. Maybe she would be right but there would still be the awkwardness of the fact Dean was dating her boyfriend’s son. More importantly, if she was wrong she would be devastated and the whole situation would be a fucking mess.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Dean let out a long sigh so at least he somewhat got how much of a shit show this was. “I know,” he stated sounding guilty.

“Did you know about that?” John asked. He could understand that shit happened. If anyone could fucking understand how shit could fucking happen without you realizing, it was John. Dean wasn’t the type of kid to cause trouble. He had always been the easiest fucking kid, way easier than John probably deserved. It was just hard to imagine he would have started something with this kid if he knew that Nams was involved with his dad. “You know, before you two started dating?”

“Um….” Dean hummed and his expression changed. He seemed to think about the question for a bit longer than seemed even remotely fucking necessary before finally starting to talk in a matter-of-fact tone, “Well, technically-”

“Seriously? Why?” John questioned as he threw up his hands in exasperation not needing to hear the rest of whatever Dean was going to say to know the answer. “Are there no other cute boys at school?” Dean was a good looking kid, so he had to have plenty of fucking options so why the fuck would he knowingly pick someone so inconvenient.

“Like Felix?” Dean questioned and blinked at him like the question was absolutely nonsensical before shaking his head, “No, absolutely not.” He spoke with such finality. John was positive he had never heard Dean talk like this about a romantic interest before. This was clearly a big deal.

John couldn’t really criticize him because he had been there. He had definitely met someone and knew that getting anything started with them was a horrible idea but they were just so magnetic, he couldn’t help himself. So he got it but that didn’t make the thing any more convenient.

He sighed heavily. He wanted to help Dean out but lying to Naomi never worked out well. “Kiddo, here’s the problem,” he started.

“Oh, nothing good ever started with that statement,” Dean interrupted him with a sarcastic eye roll.

If John still wasn’t extremely hungover he would have marveled. He often heard how much Dean looked like him, and the kid really fucking did, but he had never really acted as John had at his age. He was never the snarky teenager John had been. This might have been the closest Dean had managed and John was impressed. Yeah, no one wanted their kid to talk back to them but if any kid had a right it was probably Dean. It was probably good for the kid to mouth off now and then and not be so fucking mature about everything.

It was good that Dean relaxed a little but it didn’t make the problem at hand any less real. “Don’t be a smart ass,” he retorted as he pushed his fingers through his hair as he tried to think. Maybe if Dean talked to Naomi and told her his concerns she would keep things to herself. Seemed unlikely but at least it was something to consider.

“Sorry,” Dean replied with a smirk, “That gene didn’t skip a generation.”

“Haha,” John faked a laugh. “Here’s the thing. When your aunt Naomi finds out about this, and she will find out because she always fucking does, you are going to get baked goods and affection, and I’m going to get my ass kicked for keeping it from her.”

Dean shrugged and John got the distinct impression he wasn’t even going to try to argue that. “I’m failing to see a problem with that,” he admitted without sympathy.

“Again, haha.”

Dean let out a long sigh and John thought he could hear the weight of this whole thing in it. “I get that it isn’t ideal. I really do, but I just need a little time,” Dean insisted, “I really don’t want to fuck this up.”

Dean sounded close enough to desperate so John knew he really didn’t have much choice in the matter. “Fine,” he declared with a groan which was more for dramatic effect rather than a real show of frustration. He might not have liked keeping things from Naomi but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t necessary from time to time. This wouldn’t even be the worst secret he was keeping from her by more than he would like to admit. That didn’t mean he was going to give off the impression that it was an easy thing because it wasn’t. “I’ll lie to my only sister because I am the best father ever and I love my only son that much.”

Dean let out an impressively long relieved sigh and John could see how his posture changed like a literal weight had been pulled off his shoulders. “Thank you,” he offered and at least that sounded sincere so when Naomi inevitably found out about this whole shit show John could at least say Dean was sincere about it. She was going to fucking love that. Dean gave a nervous look around the room before looking back at John to ask, “So, are we good?”

“You tell me,” John replied as he threw up his hands. It was also hard to tell when Dean was done blowing off steam when he got pissed so John usually just went with it and when Dean stormed off he figured they were done. “Do you want to yell at me some more or do you want to get back to your date, so I can pass out?”

Dean thought about that for less than a second before he nodded, “Yeah, so we’re good.” Dean was half out the door before he stopped to look back at John from around the door. “Don’t forget to drink water to cut the hangover,” he reminded. The fucking kid couldn’t stop fucking caring even when he really had the right to still be at least somewhat pissed off. John really wasn’t sure how he managed to have a kid that great. “Do you want something for the headache or anything?”

“Just need sleep,” John answered with a shake of his head, “But thanks, kiddo.”