#I remade it from start more than 5 times

[taonpest]

Listen. I had plans for them. I worked my ass off to deliver literally the best drawing I ever made in my life but I fucked up so you’re only getting a silly doodle now

[thewritingrowlet]

The Freshman (Remake), ft. tripleS Yoon Seoyeon

tags: first time, creampie

length: 10k

author's note: It's the remix to Ignition The Freshman, hot and fresh out the kitchen, mama rollin' that body got every man in here wishin'

Anyway, I decided to do something different this time; I remade The Freshman because I wasn't entirely satisfied with how that one originally turned out—I was super new and was super terrible at writing (still am, btw). I hope you like this remake! <3

-

Today is August 12th, the first day of Freshers’ Week at your university. Professor Son, the head of Computer Science department, had asked you personally to be one of the seniors to lead a group of freshmen throughout the Week and continue to offer help and advice whenever they may need it, even after the orientation period has finished. She told you that she was very impressed that you were able to maintain over 3.7 GPA (4.00 was peak—3.7 was “rock-bottom”) in the 2 years you’ve been studying while being active as a basketball player for the university’s team at the same time.

You were hesitant to take her up on the request at first because you had wanted to take this holiday period to relax and gather yourself after such a stressful semester. However, you recalled the way your senior had helped you when you were a freshman yourself; how he motivated and set an example to you and your groupmates. With that in mind, you put your holiday plans to the side, said yes, and went on a training period to become a group leader.

Your watch shows 5:30 am. You just finished the morning briefing with the other group leaders and the rest of the Freshers’ Week committee. In less than an hour, the freshmen will start gathering in the football field and you will start your duties as a group leader for these new faces. You are very nervous as you are not very sociable with new people, but you see this as an opportunity to help you be more comfortable being in the spotlight and present in public—the promised payment is too good to pass up as well.

You and the rest of the group leaders stand in a row while holding a sign with the group name and number written on it. You see the freshmen start lining up in front of their respective leaders, including yourself. Some look like they just woke up, others look excited to start their new life as a university student, as you were back then. Initially, no male or female freshman caught your attention with their looks, until the last freshman joins your group’s line. You quickly peek at the attendance list on your clipboard and find the name of this last person: Yoon Seoyeon, from Chungnam Girls’ High School in Daejeon. “That’s quite the distance”, you think. As you turn your attention away from the attendance list, you see her walking up to you. Just before she gets to you, you manage to pick up some details from her looks: big eyes, small lips, fluffy cheeks—she’s also wearing a bow tie in your favorite color, light blue (or is that Dodger blue?).

Lock it in, she’s holding out her hand to shake yours. “Good morning, sunbaenim. My name is Yoon Seoyeon”, she says. You find yourself staring deep into her eyes for a second before reaching out to shake her hand; you have never felt anything like this before—is this what they call love at first sight? “Good morning to you as well, Seoyeon-ssi”, you greet her warmly, “stand in line, please”. You expect her to stand at the end of the line, but to your surprise, she takes the spot right in front of you, beaming as she does. “In line”, she says cutely, and you can’t help but smile in response.

You hear the sound of someone testing the mic over the speakers, which indicates that this whole thing is moments away from kick-off. “One, two—one, two, three”. You can’t see the speaker, but based on the voice, it must be Doctor Park, the dean of the Faculty of Medicine and the head of the Freshers’ Week committee. “Good morning, everyone!’, her voice is laden with excitement, ��welcome to the university, my dear freshmen—how’s everyone today?”. Judging by her chuckles and giggles that you hear over the speakers, the people close to her must be saying nice things to her—which is good; she’s such a brilliant professor and an even greater person, and students love her a lot.

“Group leaders, look at your attendance list for me, please”, she says, “if there’s anyone in your group who has a medical condition, guide them to me and we’ll talk to them”. You do as she says and look at your list, and thankfully, no one has any medical conditions. Unlike your group, however, the group next to you do have someone. “Are we okay, sunbaenim?”, Seoyeon asks. “Yeah, I think we are”. Your gaze meets hers, and she shows you such a precious smile. You expect her to look away in shyness, but she doesn’t; she just keeps looking at you with so much confidence—it’s you who folds first, and it’s because you feel your cheeks getting hot. “Fuck, if only I could find something to talk about”, you think to yourself, desperate for even the smallest of help to save you from the awkwardness.

“Once they’re back, leaders, you’re going to take your group to the classrooms that have been assigned to you—see you around, everyone!”. The doctor leaves the football field and goes about her day, and you hear some people collectively saying goodbye to her. You return your attention back to your group, and you can see that some people have started talking among themselves, which is very nice—oh, look: someone’s tapping Seoyeon’s shoulder from behind. She turns around with a smile and starts talking to the girl behind her. You see them pulling out their phones, probably to get each other’s contacts, and admittedly, you’re glad that things are starting out well for her—not sure why you’re so attentive to her, though.

-

Your group, 127, shares the same classroom with groups 125, 126, and 128. Each group split themselves in two rows and sit facing each other, and then the group leaders sit wherever they can and blend in with their respective groups. “Good morning, everyone”, you greet your group, “let’s start by having a toilet break—does anyone need to go to the toilet?”. You see 3 girls and 1 guy raise their hands, so you tell them to make a line at the door and wait for other toilet-goers.

You were too busy looking at your papers that you didn’t notice that Seoyeon has scooted over towards you. “Excuse me, sunbaenim”, she says, “I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing each other a lot in the next few days, and I was wondering if we can start speaking more casually”. For a freshman, her confidence is second to none. “Of course, Seoyeon-ah; you can call me oppa—or hyung, if you feel like it”, you feel your cheeks getting hot again, “have you thought about which student organization you want to join?”. “I want to continue my student council career”, she says, “do you think that’s a good idea?”. You have friends in the student council; you can play a little nepotism game and help Seoyeon join it—let’s not reveal it to her just yet though. “I think it is”, you say, “you obviously have the experience and know what it’s like to be in the council”.

Before you know it, the toilet-goers have returned to the classroom. In your head, you expect Seoyeon to move back to her previous position, but she doesn’t; she asks the other person to swap seats with her and stays close to you. Your heart starts getting excited, but you don’t want to get ahead of yourself—it’d be very embarrassing if Seoyeon turns out to not be interested in you, wouldn’t it?

Kim Suhyeon, the leader of group 128, signals to you with her hands and asks you to come to her, so you do. “I think we can start now, oppa”, she says. You nod to her and take the stage in front of the whiteboard with her. “Attention, please”, you say, “first of all, we’d like to extend Doctor Park’s greetings and welcome you to the university”. In the corner of your eyes, you notice that Kim Sungmin and Nam Jungmin—leaders of 125 and 126 respectively—are on their way to join you. “I’m sure you already know what our names are but allow us to introduce ourselves. My name is Oh Hanbin; I’m a year 3 student from the Faculty of Engineering”, you introduce yourself, getting collective nods from everyone present, “I’ll let the others introduce themselves and then we’ll start this whole thing”. The other 3 people take turns introducing themselves to the crowd, starting with Sungmin, Jungmin, and finally, the little princess (because she’s the only sophomore among juniors in your quartet), Suhyeon.

Now that introductions are out of the way, you can proceed to the next step, which is to play a small game. “We’ll give you three minutes to know as many people as you can, and then we want you to group up based on different conditions—the timer starts now”. People start getting on their feet and scramble around the classroom to introduce themselves to each other. You eye the members of your group, and you guess that some of them already have friends in the other groups based on how they start laughing and high-fiving other people. Seoyeon, on the other hand, seems to be stressing out, as she keeps running around the room to quickly introduce herself to people. “How cute”, you think.

“Alright, everyone, time’s up!”, Suhyeon announces, stopping people on their tracks. “Let’s start the game, everyone. On the count of 3, you have 2 minutes to find people whose name starts with the same letter as yours���Juhyeon and Jihoon, Siwoo and Sunwoo, and so on”, she explains the first criteria of the game, and the freshmen start getting antsy, “one, two, three—timer starts now!”. The chaos immediately ensues; those who happen to be far from their group start running around frantically, including Seoyeon, who happens to be standing quite far away from others whose name starts with S. “Remember: no curses, everyone; we are an educated bunch”, Suhyeon reminds the crowd—they’re too busy playing the game, though.

“That’s time, everyone!’, she announces, thus marking the end of the first round, “now let’s see how you did”. She walks to the group that Seoyeon is a part of and starts asking everyone’s name: Sunwoo, Seoyeon, Soobin, Seunghan, Soojin, Seokmin. “Nah, nah, nah—sunbaenim, he’s lying!”, says someone from across the room, “his name is Kang Minseok, and he went to the same high school I did”. Everyone explodes in laughter; someone actually snitched on their friend and caused them to get punished. Suhyeon chuckles and shakes her head in amusement, “you’re not slick, Minseok-ah—to the front, please”.

Suhyeon continues her examination and finds a few more suspects; there’s a girl named Minji, and a guy named Minwoo, but instead of grouping up, they’re standing far apart from each other. “What’s with you M people”, Suhyeon laughs, “alright, join your fellow M on the stage, please”.

As Minji and Minwoo walk to join Minseok in front of the whiteboard, the classroom door swings open, revealing Doctor Park behind it. “Ah, you must be having fun”, the doctor looks around the classroom, “should I come back later?”. You rush to the door to greet the doctor, since everyone is too busy standing idle. “We were having a little game, doctor—please, come in”, you say. “Thank you, Hanbin-ah”, she shows you a kind smile, “I’ll wait until you guys are done with your games”.

Doctor Park greets the three standing in front of the whiteboard and asks why they’re standing there. “They’re getting punished for failing at the game, doctor”, you explain, and she reminds you to not embarrass anyone during Freshers’ Week. “Certainly not, doctor; we won’t ask anything crazy of them”, you assure her.

You stand next to the three suspects and ask them to introduce themselves and share with the class what they want to achieve in university. Minji says that she wants to go on a student exchange program abroad, which, according to the university’s policies, will allow her to skip doing thesis. Minwoo says that he wants to graduate quickly and work at his parents’ company right after, like a typical nepo baby (his words, not yours). Minseok, on the other hand, “uh, I don’t know exactly yet. I do want to graduate quickly, though”. During all of this, the doctor is looking at them kindly with a smile on her face, the same way she did to you when you were a freshman yourself—it’ll be a very sad day when Doctor Park retires from teaching, that’s for sure.

-

It is 100% true that time flies when you’re busy or having fun, because the clock shows that it’s almost time for lunch break after what felt like an hour—this also means that Doctor Park had been speaking for nearly 4 hours straight before she left a few minutes ago. Anyway, it’s time for another toilet break before lunch—the food delivery guy(s) should be here soon as well.

As luck would have it, moments after the toilet-goers have left with Jungmin and Sungmin, the lunchboxes arrive. “Yo, yo, yo”, Sunwoo, a logistics guy, greets you while holding two big plastic bags full of lunchboxes in each hand, “help us, Hanbin-ah”. You and Suhyeon help Sunwoo and his friend and take the bags from their hands. The bags are tagged with the group’s numbers, and each lunchbox is labeled accordingly for vegetarians and vegans. You don’t have a vegetarian or a vegan in your group, but Suhyeon has a vegetarian and Jungmin has a vegan in their groups, so you know that they’ll appreciate the attention to detail. “Thanks, guys. See you guys later”, you give each of them a fist bump and send them on their way.

This morning, the logistics guys told you that you must put the empty lunchboxes (and other trash) in the bags they came in and throw them out like that, so with that in mind, you fold the bag and shove it in your back pocket for later use. While you wait for the freshmen to come back from the toilet, you pull out your phone and take a second look at the schedule. “A joint session at the library hall after this—okay, cool”.

Before you know it, your freshmen are back, seemingly refreshed after stretching their legs and emptying their tanks. They sit in two rows again, and you start handing out the lunchboxes to them. “Hand this over to the person next to you, okay?”, you start from Seoyeon, who hands it to Jiwon, who then continues the train until the back of the line.

“Wait”, you stop momentarily, “there’s only one left and there’s two of us”. You look at the other groups and see that everyone, including the leaders, have a lunchbox in their hands. Obviously, you don’t want to keep food from Seoyeon, so you give her the last lunchbox. “What about you, oppa?”, she asks, and you tell her that you’ll be fine. “I’ll live—just eat, Seoyeon-ah”. You will live, yes, but this is still a problem. You hop on the committee’s group chat and tell them that your group is one lunchbox short. “We’ll look into it”, someone from the logistics says, and those words are your tasty and tummy-filling lunch.

-

After the big, joint session at the library hall, it’s now time for the freshmen to go home. The freshmen don’t really get to go anywhere by themselves, even if it’s time for them to go home. Your group lines up behind you (Seoyeon doesn’t take the spot behind you this time) and you wait with them until you’re allowed to start walking out of the building. There’s a traffic management crew whose job is to make sure no congestion happens, especially in the narrower corridors.

“Let’s gather over there before we go home”, you point at an empty gazebo that’s located in next to library building. You give them your number and make a group chat for them, “here, you can join by scanning this QR”. You hand your phone over to Jiwon, who then scans the code and passes your phone over to the next person. You wait until everyone has taken their turn and take your phone back from Sohee. “That’s everyone, right?”. You look at the group info and see that everyone has joined, “right, you guys can go home now”.

You give those who are leaving a fist bump and tell them that you’ll be seeing them again tomorrow. You fail to notice that among your freshmen, Seoyeon is staying behind with you at the gazebo. “You alright?”, you ask. “Yes, I am”, she replies, “so what now?”. You explain to her that you still need to attend today’s evaluation and basketball practice after that, and on the other hand, she’s free to leave. “You play basketball, oppa?”, she asks. Whether it’s a genuine question or not (considering the height difference between the two of you), you answer genuinely and add to the explanation: “I’m the team’s captain, Seoyeon-ah”. She just nods to you with a flat face, and you guess that she’s not that interested in the subject. “I’m leaving then—bye, oppa!”, she waves at you as she walks away, leaving you alone at the gazebo.

-

As soon as Seoyeon enters her apartment, she gets a call from her high school best friend, Yeonsu. She also happens to be desperate to go to the toilet, though, so she lets the call go unanswered for now. After her toilet break and change of clothes, she’s now ready to call her friend.

“Hello”

“Hi, hello. Were you looking for me?”

“Yeah, I was—where were you?”

“Well, the campus, obviously. Today was the first day of Freshers’ Week” Yeonsu and Seoyeon were supposed to go to the same university but there were factors that caused them to split up. The best friends then start exchanging stories from their first day as university students—these two never spend a day without knowing what the other person is up to.

“My group leader is named Oh Hanbin”, Seoyeon says, but Yeonsu stays silent, thus confusing Seoyeon, “Yeonsu-yah, are you there?”

“Did you say Oh Hanbin?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Fuck, there’s no way”

Seoyeon doesn’t understand why her friend is reacting like this, so she asks Yeonsu to explain, and the answer she gets is “Oh Hanbin is so fucking famous, Seoyeon-ah”.

“He is? How did you know?”

“Fuck, have you been living under a rock? He’s known for a bunch of things”

“Like what?”

“He’s good at basketball and he’s even better in class—he’s also handsome, but that’s personal preferences”

“Are you serious?”

”Do I sound like I’m lying right now?”

No, she doesn’t—if anything, Yeonsu sounds very enthusiastic right now, as if wishing that it was her that got to meet Oh Hanbin.

“Do you have a crush on this guy, Ryu Yeonsu?”

“Oh, please don’t lie to me, Yoon Seoyeon; there’s no denying how attractive he is”

Seoyeon starts cranking the gears in her head, trying to remember what you, Oh Hanbin, was like: tall guy, well-built, good manners, and just a decent person all-around. “Oh, wait—oh my God!”, Seoyeon exclaims as the memory returns to her, “he gave me his lunch, Yeonsu-yah!”. Seoyeon can picture her friend’s jaw dropping in shock. “No, he didn’t—there’s no fucking way!”, Yeonsu’s disbelief is apparent, “why would he give you his lunch?”. Seoyeon explains to her friend that her group was short by one lunchbox and that you gave her the last one in the bag so that she could have lunch.

As the conversation keeps going, Seoyeon realizes that she’s starting to think that you’re attractive to her, and from that point on, her thoughts start running wild: she imagines what it’d be like to be close to you, what it’d be like to sit on the stands during one of your games, and finally, what it’d be like to have her first time with you. “Fuck, am I even ready for that? Would I even be his first? If he’s as famous as Yeonsu says, then he must’ve had many girlfriends”, Seoyeon thinks to herself, ignoring whatever Yeonsu is telling her. She decides that she needs more time to think about this. “Fuck, Yeonsu-yah, I’m sorry but I really need to go—I’ll call you again soon”, she says, and she ends the call right after.

Seoyeon forces her brain to come up with something to find out more about you. “Can I just search his name on Google or something?”. She opens the browser app on her phone and types in your name, “God, please work; tell me something about him”.

The first search result is your professional network page, which you thankfully keep up to date. “Best graduate out of high school, hm?”, Seoyeon sees the first thing listed under your picture. “Oh my God, Yeonsu was right; Dean’s List with 4.00 GPA last semester!”, she exclaims, her big eyes widen even more thanks to the surprise, “and the captain of the basketball team, too—didn’t make it to the finals last year, though”. Seoyeon doesn’t know what to do with this information, but she’s sure that it’ll be useful very soon. “I should ask him about this tomorrow”.

-

So here you are, back at the field again after the early briefing. Someone from logistics brought up your misfortune from yesterday and personally apologized to you. You were also told that you won’t get a lunchbox again today and tomorrow, since the catering service just can’t be tasked with adding one more lunchbox, apparently. That said, the committee gives you a solution in the form of reimbursement; you can get whatever and spend however much, and then you just need to give them the receipt and they’ll reimburse you. One more thing to point out is that they said that you’ll be tasked with getting to know the freshmen better and building a good relationship with each of them.

Today you opt for a red shirt and black trousers to complement the brown jacket that the university gave out for Freshers’ Week. You hope that Seoyeon approves of this color combination, because as you realize last night after practice, you’re starting to fall for her, and you sincerely hope that she’ll reciprocate the feelings and not push you away (because that’d be disastrous, wouldn’t it?).

You’re standing at the same spot as yesterday, and while you wait for your freshmen, you get into some conversation with Suhyeon and Jungmin. “Did you actually not have lunch yesterday, oppa?”, Suhyeon asks. “I didn’t. I gave the last one to Seoyeon-ie”, you try to not sound too proud of yourself, “I did get burgers before practice yesterday, though”. Suhyeon loves burgers, and the fact that you didn’t ask her to get some with you is making her slightly irritated. “You owe me burgers, oppa”.

Over Suhyeon’s shoulders, you see Seoyeon walking towards you with a smile on her face. You push Suhyeon to the side to greet the smiling cutie. “Good morning, Seoyeon-ah”, you say with a smile, copying her positivity. “Good morning, oppa. How are we feeling today?”, she says. Hearing her say “we” makes your heart rate jump to the moon, but you quickly compose yourself. “I’m doing very well, Seoyeon-ah. I’m very excited, actually; they said that we’ll be getting to know each other much better today”. She promptly looks away to hide her blush and turns her face towards you again after a few moments. “Th-that’s great to hear, oppa”, she says, “I’ll tell you everything about myself, so I hope you will too”.

You quickly scan her outfit from top to bottom: light blue shirt and brown pants. You step closer towards her so that Suhyeon or Jugmin won’t hear what you’re about to say. “Seoyeon-ah, you look good in these colors”, you praise her sense of fashion. “I-I remember seeing you holding a blue clipboard yesterday, and-and I thought maybe I should wear blue today”, she says. You really want to let out a squeal of excitement right now, but it’s very out-of-character that people might think that it’s cringe.

-

You and your group sit in a circle in the same classroom as yesterday, and Seoyeon sits right across from your position. “Alright, guys”, you start the conversation, “today is all about us; we can talk about whatever we want”. Seoyeon immediately raises her hand. “Oppa, I heard that you’ve made it to the Dean’s List with 4.00 GPA”, she says, “tell us about it, please”. You didn’t expect her to have that information, and despite feeling a little shy at first, you decide to talk about it anyway because good things should always be celebrated. “That’s true; I’ve made it on the Dean’s List a few times”, you start, “look, I’m sure people have their own ideas as to how long they should be studying for in a week, but because I also have basketball on the side, I only study around 10 to 12 hours a week.”

You think that it’s a small number but based on people’s surprised gasp (it sounds genuine, by the way), you guess that people think that it’s a pretty big number. “You didn’t make it to the finals last year, did you, oppa?”, Seoyeon piles on. “We didn’t, yeah”, you sigh, “we choked during the last few minutes of the semifinal game”. As you think about her chain of questions, it becomes obvious that she most likely looked up your name on the internet, because she wouldn’t have known any of this if she hadn’t—it is flattering, just to be clear.

Before it snowballs into a two-person conversation, you turn your attention to other freshmen and see if maybe they have things to talk about. “How many exes do you have, oppa?”, Sohee asks. You shyly confess that you’ve never dated anyone before, and Sohee seems to be disappointed by your answer. “You’re boring, oppa”, she rolls her eyes playfully. “I am boring, Sohee-yah; all I do is sit in front of my computer and play basketball”, you say with a chuckle.

As you turn your head to face the other members of your group, you briefly catch Seoyeon looking at you with a deep gaze, and you wonder what’s up with that. As much as you’re curious, however, you don’t want to make this all about you and her, since you have other people to pay attention to—hey, someone else is raising their hand.

“Yes?”, you point at Jiwon, who has her hand in the air. “Are you on scholarship, oppa?”, she asks. You reply with a nod, so she continues her question, “what kind?”. You explain to her and the rest of your crew that because you had placed first on the entrance test, you were given a scholarship that covers all your tuition if you can maintain over 3.00 GPA over the course of 4 years maximum. “I’m also eligible for an athletic scholarship, but you must keep being an athlete to get it, if that makes sense—if one day I decide to stop playing basketball for the university, that’s gone. So, for me, it’s safer to stick with the first one”, you add.

Jiwon doesn’t seem to be satisfied yet, “are there other scholarships, oppa? You know, something that a regular student like me can get?”. “Well, yes”, you say, “if you get the best grade in your class and department, your tuition for the next semester becomes 0—obviously it’s hard and there are a lot of competitors, but it’s still possible”. Your answer seems to be a satisfactory one; there are a handful of people who seem to get excited about it.

-

Lunch time is here, and the logistics guys from yesterday make another appearance today. You and co. take the bags from them and quickly distribute the lunchboxes to your respective groups. Seeing that you’re not getting a lunchbox, Seoyeon points at hers while looking at you, indirectly asking you about it. “I’m okay—just eat”, you mouth to her and end it with a smile, and she slowly opens her lunch and starts eating.

“Oppa, where’s your food?”, Sohee asks, catching on to your situation. You tell her what the logistics guys told you this morning, and you can see that Sohee is contemplating giving you her lunch. You notice that Seoyeon is glaring at Sohee from the side, so you quickly decline Sohee’s offer so that Seoyeon can have some peace of mind. “Just eat, Sohee-yah; I’ll be fine”, you say to her.

You ask Jungmin to keep an eye on your freshmen while you leave to get some food from the cafeteria, which is on the ground floor of the adjacent building.

“Oppa!”, Seoyeon follows you outside, “where are you going?”.

“The cafeteria.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m hungry, and as you can see, I don’t have a lunchbox.”

“Okay, have fun!”

She turns around and walks towards the classroom again, so you continue your way to the cafeteria to get some food for yourself.

You see that Mrs. Jeon’s stall is the only one that’s open, so you quickly head there. “Mrs. Jeon, hello”, you greet her, “can I get one hotdog with mashed potatoes and cheese sauce?”. She asks why you’re getting food at the cafeteria, so you tell the story from this morning one more time, causing her to laugh. “Well, you must be glad that I’m open”, she says. “You have no idea, Mrs. Jeon”, you chuckle, “I’d like to have a bottle of cold water as well, please”.

Mrs. Jeon hands you a hotdog and a bottle of water after around a minute, and along with them, a receipt, which will come in handy later. Before you leave, you eye the fridge in her stall and see some chocolate milk. “One chocolate milk too, please—no need for receipt this time”, you pull out some more cash from your wallet and give it to her. “Thanks, Mrs. Jeon!”, you grab your stuff and rush back to the classroom.

You stop a few meters away from the door of the classroom and pull out your phone to text Seoyeon: “come outside, please”. You see her come out of the classroom, and she immediately finds you. “Yes?”, she asks. You pull out the chocolate milk from your jacket pocket and show it to her. “I have something for you”, you say, “I bought you a small one so that you can finish it quickly”. She covers her red face with one hand as she takes the milk from your hand with the other. “Th-thank you, oppa”. “The-the pleasure is mine, S-Seoyeon-ah—fi-finish it quickly a-and then go back inside, okay?”. You stutter—you’ve never felt something like this before—is this love?

Well, isn’t that the million-dollar question. You don’t have the time or capacity to think about it right now, as you still have plenty of matters to attend to. Maybe the silence of the night can help you focus, though.

-

You’ve sent your freshmen on their way home almost half an hour ago, so there are only group leaders and committee members on campus right now.

“Let’s start the evaluations, ladies and gents”, Doctor Park is taking the point today, “is there anything you want to tell me first?”. A guy from security raises his hand and tells the crowd that he found someone smoking in one of the toilets on the Faculty of Law building. He then proceeds to provide the doctor with the wrongdoer’s information—he also shows her some pictures he has taken from the scene. “Unfortunate”, the doctor sighs, “next, please”.

No one else raises their hand, so Doctor Park takes her turn to speak. She explains that the Student Organization Expo will be held tomorrow, and the freshmen will be given freedom to run around the expo area and visit as many booths as they want until lunch time. After lunch, they’ll be able to choose what organization they want to join and send an application using a form that the group leaders will provide them with. “We won’t have a morning briefing tomorrow, so your check-in time for tomorrow is moved to 5 am with a 10-minute lateness toleration. Any questions?”, she scans the room and finds no raised hand, “you may go, then. See you tomorrow, everyone”

You don’t have practice today, so the only option you have right now is to go home and rest. You walk towards the campus bus stop to wait for the bus that will take you to the off-campus parking lot. You see a girl in blue sitting on the bench at the bus stop, and you wonder who it is. You slam your heels harder while you walk to make your footsteps louder, announcing your presence so that the girl doesn’t get startled.

The girl turns her head to face you, and you’re shocked to see who it is. “Yoon Seoyeon?”, you furrow your eyebrows in confusion, “what are you doing here?”. “Hi, oppa”, she shows you a cute smile, “I’ve been waiting for you, actually”. You almost can’t believe your ears, “you were waiting for me, sweetie?”. Seoyeon’s big eyes get even bigger when she hears the endearment, and inside, she wonders if it was a slip. “I-I wanted to talk some more with you, s-so I waited for you, oppa”, she looks away to hide her blush, “c-can we talk, oppa?”. “We can, Seoyeon-ah”. You point at the burger shop across the street and ask her to join you for dinner.

You muster up the courage to hold her hand as you get ready to cross the street with her. You wait until this gray car passes before crossing the street half-running with Seoyeon. “Oh, what am I doing”, you stop for a second and take off your jacket, “sorry, you must be cold”. You wrap your jacket around her body to shield her from the cold night air—the way she’s looking away from you makes you wonder if you’ve crossed the line, but at least she hasn’t slapped you for it.

You walk into the restaurant with her, and you see your favorite guy, Jeno, attending the cashier. He waves at you when he sees you walking in, being friendly as ever. “Hey, can I get one Double OG with no tomato and some nacho fries?”. You feel Seoyeon snaking her arm around yours, and you’re reminded that you’re not alone. “What do you want to eat, Seoyeon-ah?”, you ask. “I-I don’t know, but I’d like to have a burger and some fries too, oppa—if it’s okay with you, that is”, she shyly replies. “Of course it’s okay”, you scan the menu board and choose something for her, “uh, can I also have a Black Montana and some fries with marinara sauce?”. Jeno recaps your orders, and after confirming it, he hands you two large cups for the drinks.

After filling the cups with your preferred drinks—cold water for you, and diet coke for Seoyeon—you walk with her to find a table. “You want to sit there?”, you point at an empty table next to the big window. She agrees to your suggestion, so you walk towards that table together. You pull a seat for her before sitting down yourself, earning a soft “thank you” from her. You sit across from her and set your backpack on the empty chair next to you. “So, what did you want to talk about?”, you try to start the conversation. Instead of answering you, Seoyeon stays silent and looks down at the table. You don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, so you opt to keep it for later—maybe food will help her open up.

Food comes out of the kitchen and arrives at your table after around 10 minutes, which you spent by sitting in silence. You give Seoyeon her food and without cue, she immediately takes a piece of fry, dips it in marinara, and puts it in her mouth. She then chases it with a bite of her burger. You sit still and look at the way her plump cheeks move as she chews her food—someone can get full just by looking at Seoyeon eat. “Wh-what are you looking at, oppa?”, she covers her mouth with one hand, “p-please don’t look at me like that”. With a smile, you turn your attention to your food and start eating with her. You unwrap your burger, make sure there is no tomato in it, and take a bite. “Mm!”, you exclaim, “that’s really good”. You see that Seoyeon has started eating again. “You like it?”, you ask. Since her mouth is full, she replies to you with excited nods and a small smile.

-

Seoyeon has now finished her burger, and her fries are almost done. “Seoyeon-ah, I will ask again: what was it you wanted to talk about?”, you ask. She knows that she has nowhere else to run now. “I-I like you, oppa”, she drops a bomb while looking straight into your eyes, “there—that’s what I wanted to talk about”. Your jaw drops in shock, making you unable to say anything back momentarily. “I’m sorry, but can you say that again?”, you hope that she won’t say something else. “I said I like you, oppa”, she repeats, and you’re glad that she said the same thing. “D-do you feel the same, b-by any chance?”, she maintains eye contact with you despite the red cheeks. Yes, yes, you do, but for some reason, you find it very difficult to say it—until you see tears pooling in her eyes. “Seo-Seoyeon-ah—y-yes, I do like you”, you confess, “I like you a lot”. Satisfied with your answer, Seoyeon gets up from her seat, sits on the chair next to you (after putting your backpack on the floor), and hugs you from the side.

It feels like a massive weight has been lifted off your chest, and you feel like you’re able to breathe far more freely now. You wrap your arms around her body as best you can and close your eyes to bask in the moment. Soon, however, you’re startled by her subtle sobs. “Hey, hey, you okay, sweetie?”, you start panicking a little, “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”. “I was so scared that you would push me away—you’d never push me away, would you?”, she asks, her voice trembling from the emotions. Judging by how Seoyeon is sobbing in your arms, thus showing her vulnerability in front of you, assures you that she’s being very honest and sincere. You peck her head a few times, hoping that she knows how sincere you are, “please don’t cry, sweetie; I’m here for you”. “You are”, she replies, “you are here for me”.

You run your hand gently on her back as you try to calm her down. It seems to be helpful; Seoyeon stops sobbing after a few minutes—she’s about to drop another bomb, though. “Oppa”, she pokes your thigh to get your attention, “can we go to your place?”. You silently praise your parents for planting in you the habit of cleanliness, which means that your apartment is almost always presentable should you have guests. “We can, sweetie—let’s go now, okay?”. You exchange some pleasantries with Jeno while you’re standing at the cashier. He even asks Seoyeon if she liked it, to which she responds with excitement. “Alright, thank you, man—see you next time”, you wave at him as you walk out of the restaurant with Seoyeon, your new… erm… girlfriend? Are we on girlfriend-boyfriend stage now? That’s a question for later.

-

After a quick drive, you find yourself and Seoyeon standing in the parking lot. “Sweetie, can I carry you? I’ve always wanted to try carrying a girl”, you ask, your cheeks getting hot. “S-sure, oppa”. She opens her arms, thinking that you’ll carry her from the front while in actuality, you want to carry her bridal-style. “Oh my God, oppa!”, she exclaims while hiding her red cheeks behind her palms. You carry the 50-something kilogram bundle of joy and walk towards your apartment. On the way, you feel her loosening up and enjoying the ride, and you swear that you can hear purrs coming from her. You hope that no neighbor sees you like this, because you imagine that it’d be quite awkward—not that you’re concerned about what they think, but still.

You punch in the passcode to your apartment without putting Seoyeon down, and here you are, in your haven. “We’re here, sweetie”, you say to her as you walk towards the sofa with her still in your arms. You carefully put her down onto the sofa and extend it so that she can lie comfortably on it. “Would you like some water, sweetie?”, you ask, and she replies with a nod. You walk towards the water dispenser and fill a cup with water and go back to her. You help her straighten her posture before handing her the cup. You’re confused when you see that instead of drinking out of the cup, she holds it with both hands and just silently looks at it.

“You okay?”

“I like you, oppa”

“Yes, sweetie; I like you too”

“What made you like me, oppa?”

You take a deep breath as you try to form an answer.

“I just feel so drawn to you; you’re just so charming, elegant, friendly, and—“, you realize that these words sound ridiculous coming from you, and your brain halts you by making your cheeks turn red. “Anything else, oppa?”, she challenges you, letting out a giggle after.

You hover over her body—making her bite her lip nervously—and come in for a kiss, eager to show her that you love her. You pull away from the kiss after a few seconds and look at her in the eyes. “I love you, Yoon Seoyeon—I love you with my entire being”, you say, feeling emotional, “will you be mine, baby?”. Seoyeon puts a palm on your cheek and rubs it gently. “Yes, oppa; I’m yours and you’re mine”, she returns your words with a loving smile on her face.

You lie down next to her and pull her into your arms, transferring the warmth of your bodies back and forth between the two of you. “Baby”, you get her attention, “is there anything you want to do?”. She moves to sit on your lap and leans forward, her face hovering closely over yours, “I want to have our first time”. That’s one more big bomb she dropped on your head, and you seem to be unable to speak. “You said you’ve never dated anyone before, so you must be a virgin. I’ll give you my first time and take yours in return”, she adds, “you weren’t lying about it, were you?”. You shake your head in response, still speechless. “Great”, she says, “let’s do it, oppa—please”. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret it after”, you try to gauge how serious she is. She leans forward even further until her nose touches hers. “I want it, oppa”, her voice sounds very sexy right now, “make me yours, and I’ll make you mine—we will stay together forever, oppa”.

You knew from the first day that she’s a very confident person, but you never expected that she’d be this confident about having her first time with you, someone who she met just yesterday. “It’d be a huge honor for me, baby, but I’m asking one more time: are you sure?”, you ask, despite your paper-thin patience and rock-hard penis. “I am very sure”, she doesn’t waver, “c’mon, oppa; let’s do it”. Even if you were single and have never dated anyone before, you know that you shouldn’t do something to a girl without her consent, and this is as clear of a consent as it gets, so there’s no reason for you to hesitate now. “Let’s move to the bedroom first, baby”.

You gently lower her onto the bed, smiling the whole time so that Seoyeon feels comfortable with you. After she’s lying comfortably in bed, however, her eyes start wandering away from yours, probably because she’s nervous. “Baby”, you hold her chin gently and turn her face towards you, “I love you—I love you lots”. Your words seem to be just what she wants to hear right now. “I love you too, oppa”, she reaches for your hands and pulls you towards her, “thank you for everything so far”. You’re not sure if you’ve done anything to warrant such an expression of gratitude, but you’ll take it and send it back to her. “I know that we just met, but I have a feeling—certain, even—that I’ll have plenty of reasons to be thankful for you, baby”, you make sure that you sound sincere because you are indeed sincere. “I think I’ve chosen well”, she says, “you’re as sweet as I hoped”.

Warmth. Warmth is the theme tonight. Warmth is what you’re feeling right now. Warmth is what this relationship will have plenty of. Speaking of warmth, being in a girl’s arms is very warm—you never knew that before. You rub your cheek against hers like a cat, the friction creating more warmth for the two of you. “Oppa”, she chuckles, finding it funny, “what are you doing? Are you a cat?”. “No, but I think I understand why cats do this”, you let out a chuckle as well, “I love you, baby”. You don’t know how many times you’ve said it, but it’s not something that hurts or tires Seoyeon, so you’d like to think that it’s fine to spam her with it.

“Show me, then”, she challenges you, “show me your love, oppa”. “Of course, baby; as you wish”, you accept her challenge. You jump off the bed and start undressing, showing Seoyeon the curves of your muscles. “My God”, she exclaims, “are you sure you’re playing the right sports, oppa?”. “I mean, basketball can get pretty physical, and for that, you need muscles”, you say, proud of your physique. She follows you off the bed and stands closely in front of you. “Fuck, I wonder what Yeonsu would think if she saw us like this”, she utters while her hands roam on your body. “Yeonsu? Who is that?”, you’re unfamiliar with the name. “My friend from high school”, she says, her eyes still locked on your torso, “she told me about you”. You’re perplexed, “how did she know about me?”. “No idea; she just said that you’re pretty famous”, she says. “I’m famous? Really?”, you think.

Seoyeon asks for your attention by tapping you in the chest. She then offers you the chance to undress her, which you’re delighted to do so. She puts her arms on either side of her body and closes her eyes as you start unbuttoning her blouse. You notice that her breathing gets faster, a clear sign that she’s very nervous. You stop what you’re doing and place your hands on her waist, hoping that doing so will make her feel more comfortable and familiar to your touch. You say nothing as you wait for her to calm down, and it doesn’t take long. “Continue, oppa”, she says, “I-I’m sorry”. You assure her that there’s nothing to be sorry for; it’s totally normal to be nervous when doing something for the first time.

After all her buttons are undone, you free her arms from the sleeves and let her blouse fall onto the floor. As a reflex, Seoyeon covers her bra-covered tits with her hands, blushing as she does. Again, you wait in silence until she tells you what she wants you to do next. “I’m sorry—oh, God, I’m so sorry”, she shakes her head to regain focus, “y-you can take off my pants, oppa”. “Please, there’s nothing to be sorry for, baby—I understand that you’re nervous”, you put on a calm smile to support your statement. Seoyeon slowly removes her hands from her chest and unbuttons her pants for you, she then asks you to finish the job.

Well, there she is: standing shyly in front of you with little covering her body. She’s using one hand to cover her breasts while the other is covering her crotch. She can feel herself drowning in a sea of thoughts, nervous about all kinds of things. “What will happen after tonight? What if he leaves me after taking my first time? What if—“, her restless mind stops when she hears your calm voice. “Baby, listen, please”, you throw her a lifebuoy, “I understand that you’re nervous about all of this—I do, seriously—we don’t have to do this now if you don’t feel like it”.

“Can I ask something first, oppa?”

“Of course, baby”

“W-what do you think will happen tomorrow?"

“Tomorrow? Well, the Student Organization Expo will happen tomorrow”, you crack a little joke. Seoyeon’s stressed face loosens up after hearing your joke, seemingly more comfortable with the situation. “Aaaah, I’m serious, oppaaaa”, she whines.

You get on one knee in front of her and place a hand on her knee. “What will happen tomorrow, baby, is that I will start loving you, and you will start loving me”, you start, your tone calm but serious, “after that, we will spend a lot of time with each other. We will laugh sometimes and cry some other times, but that’s fine; we’ll face everything together”.

“Together, oppa?”

“Together, baby. You and me against the world—well, not exactly; the world doesn’t hate us, does it?”

She seems to be satisfied with your answer, proven by how she moves her hands off her body and places them on your nape. “Together, oppa”, she says, “we will stay together for a long, long time”. “Yes, we will, baby”. You stand up and pull her into a kiss, one that screams out “I love you”.

You were so deep into the kiss that you failed to notice that Seoyeon had tumbled backwards, thus pulling you back into the bed with her. She breaks the kiss and whispers to you that she’s ready. She guides your hands towards the waistband of her panties, “make me yours, oppa”. You nod without saying a word and start pulling her panties down her legs and past her ankles. “Respectfully, baby, I think you’re sexy”, you don’t bother stifling your tongue anymore. “Th-thank you, oppa—I-I think you look good too”, she returns the praise to you, and truthfully, it makes you feel really good about yourself.

While you take off your boxers, Seoyeon takes off her bra, and now, you’re both completely naked, showing everything to each other. It is when you hover over her that she hesitates again. “I’m scared, oppa”, her voice shakes, “y-you will hurt me, won’t you?”. “I’ll be gentle, baby—I promise”, you try to comfort her.

You spread her legs wide enough for you to be in the middle of, ready to take her innocence and give her yours in return. She wraps her legs around your torso and locks her ankles together in response. You use one hand to guide your cock towards her entrance, and despite the lack of experience, you manage to find it somewhat easily. “Baby, I’m going to start”, you announce, “if you want to change your mind, this is your chance”. “No, I want it—give it to me, oppa”.

You move your hips forwards and Seoyeon instantly gasps at the first contact. “Gently, gently”, she reminds you. “Of course, baby”. You wrap your arms around her body and hold her close to you as your cock tries to enter her pussy. You hear Seoyeon’s breathing get faster again, so you whisper to her in a calm voice that everything will be okay. You keep going forwards until you feel the tip of your cock breaching through her barrier; you’ve taken her innocence and made her yours.

You want to savor the foreign sensation, but Seoyeon starts sobbing and grunting in pain. “It hurts, oppa”, she whimpers, “please, be gentle with me—please, please—AHHH!”. You think that if you move again, you will hurt her even more, so you stop for now. “I’m not moving, baby—let’s calm down for now, okay?”, you say to her. She keeps whimpering and grunting in your ears, tugging at the strings of your heart. “I’m so sorry, baby”, you start feeling emotional yourself, “do you want to stop?”. “J-just give me a moment, oppa”, says the girl in discomfort.

You’ve been in this position for a few minutes, waiting patiently for Seoyeon to get used to the foreign object in her body. “Oppa”, she says weakly, “I-I think you can go again”. “Sure, baby”, you say. You slowly retreat from her pussy before going forwards again, earning a combination of moans and grunts from her. You ask if she’s still in pain, and she tells you that it’s not too bad. “You’re doing so well, baby”, you praise her, “I love you so, so much”. “I love—oh, God, so deep”, the way your cock hits the deepest spots surprises her, “please, gently, oppa”. You’ve been as gentle as you can be so far, but no matter how slow it feels, you hold on to your patience.

As you slowly move back and forth in her pussy, you notice that the grunts are getting replaced with moans, which means that it’s now enjoyable for her. “Feeling better, baby?”, you ask to make sure. “Yes-yes—oh, God, yes”, she replies, “how are you so big, oppa?”. “I don’t know, baby; just genes, probably”, you chuckle to lighten the mood, “do you think I can go faster?”. “Just-just nothing too rough, please”, she begs. You assure her that you will be mindful with your pace and start thrusting into her faster than earlier.

The moans that she’s sending right into your ears are very arousing, and you subconsciously start fucking her faster, as you’re eager to hear more of it. “So good, oppa—fuck, you’re so good”, she praises you. You’re glad to hear that she’s no longer in pain and has gotten used to you. “You’re also so good, baby; you’re so fucking tight for me”, you send the praises back to her.

You place her wrists on the bed and press down on them with your hands, assuming a very dominant position. “You’re so good, baby”, you manage to send one more praise her way despite the heavy breaths, “I love you so much”. “Ah, ah, ah—I l-love you too, oppa”, she replies, “kiss me, please—ngh, fuck”. You plant your lips on hers and pick up the pace of your thrusts, eager to get your first ever orgasm in your life.

You chant profanities as you try to maintain the tempo, Seoyeon’s tightness proving to be challenging for you. “Oppa, wait”, she halts you, “I-I want to pee—w-why do I want to pee, oppa?”. Truthfully, you have no idea; you’re as inexperienced as she is. “You’ll be fine, baby”, you try to dismiss her, and she takes your word for it. “I’m peeing, I’m peeing!”, she plants her hands on your chest and tries to push you away from her but she’s simply too weak. You pull out from her pussy and see that her juice is gushing out of her bloodstained pussy—not only that, her legs and thighs are shaking. Seoyeon screams and squirms around in bed; “this must be her orgasm”, you think as you observe her.

“Oppa! Oppa!”, she reaches her arms out, desperate to touch your body, “please, please, hold me”. You hold her tightly in your arms and you can hear the soft, angelic moans that escape her lips, arousing you even further. You whisper “I love you” in her ears repeatedly as you wait for her to come back to her senses. “I love you too, oppa”, she returns your words to you, “what was that, though?”.

“I think that was your orgasm, baby”

“Orgasm, oppa? Really?”

“I think so, yeah”

“And it was because of you?”

“Yes, I’d like to think so”

“That was amazing, oppa”

“I’m glad that it was, baby”

Her breathing returns to its normal pace after a few minutes of hugging, and she tells you that she’s ready to go again. “Give me your orgasm, oppa”, she demands, “I know how it works for men, so I want you to send it deep inside me”. “Sure, but we’ll take the morning after pill after that, alright?”, you remind her. “Sure”, she says, “I don’t want to get pregnant yet”.

Without cleaning the bloodstain on your shaft, you plunge back into her pussy. “Oh, yes, oppa”, she moans, “yes, yes, I’m yours”. Your lips crash into hers as you fuck her at a good tempo, looking for the first orgasm of your life. “Fuck, I don’t think I can last too long”. “That’s okay, oppa—ohh, yes, it’s okay”, Seoyeon struggles to speak, “gi-give me everything you have”. “Y-you got it—oh, fuck”. You plant your hands firmly into the bed and fuck her as fast you can, and before long, you feel your cock throbbing (or is it her that’s throbbing). “I think—“, your words are cut off when your cock blows a load deep inside Seoyeon, earning a long moan from her.

-

The vibrations from your smartwatch cause you to stir awake—it must be 4 am now. You lift your wrist and see that it is indeed 4 am, the time you’ve been waking up at for the past few days of Freshers’ Week. As you try to lift your body off the bed, you feel something weighing down on the left side of your body. “Oh, right, Seoyeon-ie”. That’s right; that’s Yoon Seoyeon, your new girlfriend who you had your first time with a few hours ago.

“Love, wake up, please”, you poke her cheeks repeatedly to get her to wake up. “What?”, she mumbles, half awake. “Babe, I’ll take you home so you can shower and get ready for today, okay?”. “Yeah, sure”, she says. You open the water bottle that Seoyeon drank from earlier and coat your thumb with some water. You then run your thumb gently on her eyes, “this is how I wake up sometimes, baby”. “Mm, sure”, she says.

After getting dressed, you carry her to your car and start driving away. First, you make a stop at a pharmacy and buy some morning after pills and condoms for future use. “Babe, take this, please”, you hand her a pill and a bottle of water to take it with. Seoyeon weakly reaches for the pill, puts it in her mouth, and chases it with some water. “Done”, she says. You pet her head gently, “good girl, baby—alright, let’s get you home, okay?”

-

Well, here you are again, in the football field for the third day of Freshers’ Week. Your eyelids feel very heavy, and you’re very tempted to just let them close. You were drifting to sleep when you heard a girl’s voice calling to you. “Good morning, oppa”, Seoyeon greets you excitedly, “how are you today?”. “I’m—“, a yawn cuts you off, “I’m feeling great, lo—erm, Seoyeon-ah. How about you?”. “I’m a bit tired, but I had a great time yesterday”, she smirks. “Did you?”, you chuckle, “well, that’s great to hear, Seoyeon-ah”. She gets on her tippy toes, and you lean forwards a bit to hear her whispers. “I love you, oppa”, she whispers, “thank you for last night”. “I love you too, baby”, you whisper back, “I’ll see you at home after this, okay?”. You glance to your left and right to see if Suhyeon and Jungmin heard you, but they were too busy looking at their phones. When you look at Seoyeon again, she winks and smiles at you, so you wink and smile at her in return. “I love you, baby”, you mouth to her, causing her to look away to hide her blush.

[featherandferns]

5. “Ah Yes. Betrayl, I’m Familiar With That”

22. “You’re My Best Friend” Angst Pleaseee

🫂❤️‍🩹

21. "You're my best friend"

I've actually already done prompt 5 (read wasps here) and prompt 21 ("You're my best friend" is 21 not 22), so I just did an angsty prompt 21 instead of redoing both- I hope that's okay! <3

Season 4 spoilers kind of? Just episode 1 vibes.

Promise - prompt 21

JJ Maybank was designed for you to fall in love with him. It ran deeper than his looks; penetrated through the flesh. His personality was interwoven with his beauty the way his veins lined his muscles and skin. All the idiosyncrasies that made him up in flaws and faults, like his recklessness and his impulsiveness, were nothing but charms in your eyes. He caused trouble wherever he went the way a hurricane accidentally leaves a wake in its path. You chased that trouble like a storm chaser: compass and map and get-away car at hand, just for him. 

By the wonder of fate, you ended up by his side. It was as though the universe placed you there - as if you and JJ were born from the same star dust, destined to find one another in the next life. From childhood, you were in the picture. Offering him a place to stay when his dad was in one of his blind, drunk rages. Giggling through pier jumping adventures and screaming through cheesy horror flicks. Later, older, he was there after your first “heartbreak” and you were there to hear about his cunning escapades with a random girl on the island, his virginity no longer a mark on his name. And with this age came realisations and ramifications. With this age came thoughts and feelings that were new and alien to you. The kind that warps one’s perception. The kind that frames someone in new ways under new titles. JJ Maybank went from being your snotty, scheming long-lasting friend, into your crush. The more time you spent in his orbit, the closer you were drawn. And so, as designed, you fell in love with him. 

He was hard to read and harder to decipher. A flirt, no doubt, though less so as the Pogue-centred adventures grew. His carelessness diminished somewhat when the stakes grew. When the sight of blood and dead bodies became shy of the norm, even compared to his youth in his father’s shadow. John B and Sarah went and with that, JJ came. Closer to you than ever. Needing you more than before. Restless nights and lonely days which you were more than happy to fill, needing him just as much. Nothing beyond cuddles and shared beds. A kiss that never strayed more than a cheek or forehead. Then, reunited with the formerly missing Pogues, came his lightness once more. But that distance didn’t come: he was still just as close. Almost attainable. Poguelandia and El Dorado felt like fever dreams in this light. The one constant was JJ, no matter what, and you the same for him. 

Now, settled, JJ’s old Maybank home rebuilt and remade, the bait-and-surf shop up and running, the gang tethered together through trauma and triumph: you finally felt like everything was falling into place, the same way you had fallen for JJ. 

“I might just sleep out here tonight,” JJ tells you. He’s lying by your side on the newly fixed up boat. The two of you are staring up at the sky, slowly starting to fill with stars, slowly losing the colour of daylight. 

“You’ll be dinner for the skeeters,” you say. 

He shrugs. “Circle of life, I guess.”

Laughing quietly, you turn your head. His hair is short again - dirty blonde, sunkissed highlights. The small jut of his chin and the slope of his nose. The high press of his cheekbones from his small, lingering smile. At the feel of your gaze, he turns his head too. An air of amusement brushes over him; has him almost laughing, quirking a brow. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” you hum. Your own smile falters and your stomach churns. The words are brewing deep within you like a slow, roasting broth. They’d been there for years now, waiting to slip out, and you felt like you can’t hold it down much longer. JJ’s own smile fades into a look of worry, mirroring your own anxiety. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you repeat, lying. “I just…I’m just happy.”

His lips twitch upward again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m happy you finally have a home, JJ,” you quietly say. 

Visibly moved by your sentiment, his hand reaches out for yours, lying limp on the cool plastic exterior of the boat. He squeezes your hand in his. Smiles at you. Holds your gaze. As if drawn in by some outside force, you lean over. Your eyes slip shut and your lips find his, and there, you plant a gentle, soft kiss. It’s no more than a peck. No more than a fleeting, almost phantom moment of weakness. Lingering, lips no more than a centimetre from his, you wait. Wait for some absolution that you hoped might come. 

JJ clears his throat. His hand slips from yours. Your heart cracks like the break of an ice surface as he sits up, sort of hurried. You sit up too. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask, knowing fully well what the answer is. 

JJ is reaching for his boots that he took off an hour or so ago. He meddles with the laces. Not looking at you, he mumbles, “why’d you have to do that?”

“What?”

“Everything was…God, why the fuck did you have to do that?” he repeats, frustrated, maybe even angry. 

Your eyes sting and your heart burns and it starts to feel as though you’re slipping away from yourself. “I don’t know. I just…I just figured–”

“--Well, you shouldn’t have,” JJ snaps, his head darting up. Your eyes meet his and there’s this panic there, deep and damning. You feel damned. 

“I’m sorry,” you say. Sorry for what? For kissing him? For thinking that he might feel the same? For hoping that he might? 

JJ shakes his head and looks back at his boots. His frantic movements stop, fingers mixed with his laces. “Why’d you have to do that, huh? Everything was finally how it should be and now…Now it’s all messed up.”

“Messed up? No, no, it doesn’t…We can just forget about it,” you hurriedly say. You grab at his forearm, wanting his attention, now for a whole new reason. “We can just pretend it never happened.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe, with everything that’s happened, maybe you might feel the same way,” you stammer. 

JJ’s eyes slip shut. It’s as though you gave him the diagnosis to a disease he always dreaded. “We can’t.”

You’re not sure what he’s alluding to with that. We can’t pretend it never happened? We can’t move forward? We can’t be friends? 

“You’re my best friend,” you whisper. “I don’t want to lose you.”

JJ gnaws at his lower lip. You sit and wait and hope and pray that you haven’t managed to tear apart years of friendship with one stupid moment of idiocy. Ironic how JJ lived his life in spur-of-the-moment choices but the second you make one, it might haunt you forever. Eventually, as if in slow motion, he looks at you. There’s a sadness in his eyes as though he knows what he says will pain you, and your heart takes pause as you wait. His lips move wordlessly at first and then, sighing, he finds the words. 

“I’m in love with Kiara.”

You feel like bleeding ink on a page. Like you have no mass or place of purchase. Like any meaning you ascribed to anything is now without, soulless and baseless; a work of fiction, like some Shakesperian tragedy. 

“Oh,” you breathe. 

He nods. “I…I’m sorry, I just…I don’t feel that way for you.”

“Okay,” you murmur. You think you might throw up. You shift in your spot as if preparing to. JJ reaches out a hand and it burns when he touches yours. 

“I don’t want to lose you though. I do love you, but the love I feel for her is different. I’m sorry, I don’t know why, I just–”

“--JJ, please,” you beg. You force yourself to look him in the eyes. He’s terrified of everything. Always has been, as long as you’ve known him. More than anything, terrified of love. And you know what that means, for him to care so deeply for someone. You know that he needs you. And you know that, despite everything, you need him. It hurts to be something but it’s worse to be nothing, after all. 

Somewhere deep inside of you, you find a smile. A forced, placid smile, like a lady-in-waiting might wear. Your other hand envelopes his and you will the tears away. 

“I’m your best friend,” you assure him. The words are sour like acid on your tongue. It feels like blasphemy. Nodding, as if trying to make yourself believe it too, you say, “we can forget the whole thing.”

A relieved smile comes to JJ’s face like a breath of air after free diving. He leans back, nods, happy, overjoyed, appeased. 

“Thank God. Cause I don’t know what I’d do without you. I really don’t,” he says, meaning every word. Maybe that’s what hurts the most. 

Nodding, agreeing, you say, “Kiara would be an idiot if she didn’t want you, too.”

Smiling to himself, his head dips, abashed, and you know then and there that he’d never be that way for you. He gets up and as his hand slips form your hold, it feels like you’re losing him forever. Once again, he’s reframed. Different again. No longer your crush, no longer your future, and no longer your best friend. He’s a mirage. He isn’t real. You no longer know what to call him or how to name your connection. Because as he walks away, bidding you goodnight, heading to the house where Kiara sleeps soundly, beautiful and brilliant, you begin to cry, knowing that you would never be able to forget it, and yet knowing that you had to. 

JJ Maybank was designed for you to fall in love with him, but he was never designed to love you back.

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 3/5

I'm making my way through the blacklisted shows I was supposed to watch during Pride. I already watched Love in the Air but paused The Untamed so I could deal with my sworn enemy, SOTUS. I'm watching it in five parts (first, second), so now I'm starting on episode seven and have decided 1) Kongpob x M are the perfect ghost ship, 2) this show feels much older than 2016 due to the language and style, and 3) this is a story of a masochistic dom looking for a sado sub.

Since I can't remember anything about this show, I'm actually excited to see all the ways Kong seeks out punishment warmth from P'Oon in the second half of this series.

Prem and Wad aren't going to be a couple, are they? I want them to be because Prem going instantly soft after they fought another faculty together and now being worried about Wad's wounds is the whole purpose for men to fight! Punch each other, then kiss the bruises!

I have no Photoshop skills, so I would never criticize someone else's work, but there are times when I see that this show was made with a budget consisting of two pennies rubbed together, and this is one of those moments because who added those people into the scene?! And why are they layered ON TOP of each other?!

For the people who hated Tae and Mee in The Trainee and the sports day episode in The On1y One, those people would be pissed watching episode seven of SOTUS because it's focused on the hets, capturing the flag, and nothing else. Someone could've at least passed out on that field, so this could be entertaining for me and the juniors, damn.

The man who played Deer has only acted in one other show, and I'm mad about it. The fact that a senior has to be on that field to answer these ridiculous questions from the freshmen is nonsense, but at least I get to see this man with his gorgeous hair.

Arthit says everything to Kong in the gayest way possible in front of all his homies and God without any sense of irony.

And Kong matches that energy every damn time! I'm already sick of them.

Forming a circle around Arthit to say thanks is kinda creepy to me, which is why it makes perfect sense that this was Kong's idea since these two continue to declare their love for each other indirectly while making everyone within two miles witness.

But this moment reminded me of Lisa's "Rockstar" music video, so Thailand stays consistent.

Kong is begging to be punished! Asking Arthit if anyone else knows he cries and likes pink milk is not small talk, and I know Kong just wants to feel like the most special boy for knowing all of this, but I also fully believe he wants Arthit to slap him.

M came on this trip so he could make heart eyes at Kong, and I will not be convinced otherwise. If I forget May exists, my ship is untouchable. M loves Kong, and it's canon to me.

Arthit is a Ken! He made all the boys go out to the water, so he could make the girls listen to him play a song on the beach. Someone needs to ask Greta Gerwig if she has watched SOTUS. Greta, if you're in the room with us right now, blink twice.

"If I tell you to die, will you do it?" YES! What the hell do you think this kid has been trying to tell you?! He wants you to choke him? He wants you to slap him? He has been instigating a fight with you since the first day because he wants your hands on him in the most violent ways. Baby is a masochist and needs to be kept!

I stand by the claim I made in an earlier post that the crew doesn't seem to like Krist because these title cards in-between parts of the episode do him sooooo dirty. There is no need for this to be the image, but here we are. This is rude.

I could never hate M. He is so kind and so dumb. I love those qualities in men.

And I love these qualities in women! (Sidenote: Let Jan kiss more homies, GMMTV!)

GMMTV's 2024 Outing, is that you player?

Since Love Sick and Addicted Heroin have been remade, when SOTUS is remade, M and Kong should be the main couple, and May should ship them while also trying to date Prae. Friends-to-Lovers, fifteen episodes, and make New and Singto play the characters again.

This is the biggest "hell nah" from me because I would not have that many people WALKING ON ME barefoot as some form of initiation. Walking on people is reserved for sex stuff! Just walking on people to walk on people is not normal, and should stop immediately!

I can see the wheels spinning in Arthit's head, but the pieces are not connecting for him. Your man likes when you yell at him. Kong likes when you get upset at him. The kid likes pushing your buttons because then he gets all your attention. Now say it with me, "Kong is a masochist"

Kong is practically begging to be slapped, and if Arthit doesn't do it soon, I will.

This scene hit me so hard I had to pause because it woke me up like I was sleeper agent. I NOW REMEMBER THIS SHOW! Nine episodes in and I finally remember this damn show!

I am white-knuckling my way though this show now because Kong is dressed for a date, Arthit is late and looking like a mess, and Kong is telling Arthit he will do whatever Arthit wants him to, he will like anything Arthit wants him to like, and he will be anything Arthit wants him to be. I do not know how Arthit is experiencing all that Kong is throwing at him, and not realizing that Kong wants to be his pet.

"Call Me by My Name Number: A Boy's Journey to Become a Pet" Where's Mame when you need her?

And now Kong is eating a meal he didn't want, AGAIN, simply because Arthit told him to eat it! I'm not even joking anymore; this shit is kinky, and in this exact moment, I don't hate this show solely because of this reason.

Fuck going to sleep! I'm staying up and watching episode ten, NOW!

[jinwoosbabyboo]

I want to ask why you chose Aaron Warner, Christian Harper, and Rhys Larsen as a good comparison to Sylus? I want an essay!! I LOVE Aaron Warner but honestly haven't yet read the twisted series. Also, I don't mind spoilers so... excited to see what you come up with!

You want an essay??? Please 🙄 ….. No problem lets get it 😘

bear with me I read the twisted series over a year ago

‼️SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS‼️

Aaron Warner [Shatter Me Series ~ Tahereh Mafi] - This 5'9" golden haired military assassin with a heart of STONE. Yea you thought I was gonna say heart of gold huh? Nah this boy was trained to be a killer from birth. However when it comes to Juliette/Ella she is quite literally the only thing he cares about and is also the only girl he's ever loved.

He will quite literally sacrifice the world if it means she will be okay. His memory was erased multiple times, but he fell in love with her every. single. time. If it's for Juliette/Ella he's a goner because she is his only weakness in the world. He wants to love her and be loved by her and only her unconditionally.

“The reason why he had to keep wiping their memories was because it didn’t matter how many times he reset the story or remade the introductions— Aaron always fell in love with her. Every time.”

Christian Harper [Twisted Lies ~ Ana Huang] - Now this man stalked his girl for I think 5 years before making himself known. He's a billionaire who runs a security/tech company and he can hack into anything. He's a modern day genius obsessed with this girl Stella. They finally met in person when she moved into one of his apartment buildings with her friend Jules. He really slipped into her life though when Jules moved out and she couldn't afford the rent. He made a deal with her by letting her stay for a lower price and these were high end apartments (At least like 80% off the listing price). He also happened to live just one floor above her. The deal was she would take care of his plants in exchange for the low cost. He claims he isn't a jealous man yet he's jealous of every person she smiles at, every laugh that he didn't cause, etc he's completely and utterly obsessed with her from page one.

He will do literally anything for her including pretending the be her man for her social media platforms oh yea she's an influencer/model. Stella also likes being tied up and Christian happily obliged to tying her up ON A YACHT and was a real pussy pleaser. He supported her in her fashion designer endeavor and married her ass and IMMEDIATELY put a baby in her.

Oh one more thing Stella got kidnapped while her and Christian were fighting (this man was SICK) he sent a Code Black Out to all his agents in the area to find her and code black out if for extreme emergencies. Let’s just say her kidnapper is having a nice nap. A permanent nap. (Reminds you of a certain someone who turned MCs kidnapper into fucking black and red mist huh?)

Rhys Larsen [Twisted Games ~ Ana Huang] - Forget Prince Charming give me Mr. Scarred Knight Rhys Larsen 😮‍💨. He's ex-military and works as a bodyguard now (He works for none other than Christian Harper & they're in a sense friends) This man and his girl Princess Bridget who is a literal Princess. He was her bodyguard and she was forced to step up and become Queen because her brother married a commoner so he couldn't become king and Eldorra (their country) needed a ruler.

She basically starts acting up and Rhys is like girl wtf is going on?! She ends up wanting to do everything on her bucket list before becoming Queen so Rhys takes her to Costa Rica to do it. They fall for each other but it's a forbidden love so they can't really be together because she's royalty and he's a commoner. He fell in love despite him telling her he doesn't get involved with his clients. Him and Bridget were blackmailed by someone close to her which caused him to be terminated as her bodyguard. This man never drank in his life, but the minute he had to let Bridget go he drank himself stupid.

He was down bad for her (and so was she). They went through hell trying to get a centuries old law overturned so he could marry her. He didn't care about the fame or the royal title he just wanted to be with her. This man broke every single one of his rules that he'd set for himself for her. He never really opened up about his scars to anyone, but her (and I think Christian).

He's rough around the edges and can be a dom daddy made her stir down to her heels and said "Crawl to me" (SCREAMING WHINING AND RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM) He's also VERY possessive I quote...

"From this point on you're mine. No other man touches you. If they do I know seventy-nine ways to kill a man and I can make seventy of the look like and accident. Understand?"

I hope after reading all that you can see the similarities that I see. He's not dark romance he's just romance sunshine x grumpy basically.

I say all that to say this....

Sylus is morally gray like these characters above and he has a soft spot for MC (& the twins) he'll do anything for her and protect her at all costs. He's been through hell and may be a high functioning sociopath due to that trauma, but he still has a heart and is selective with who he's vulnerable with. He's not out here murdering people because they looked at MC. He knows his girl fine as hell, but he gets to touch while they hopelessly gaze.

[eemoo1o-animoo]

10 Grelle-based paraphernalia that I found on eBay, in no particular order but my subjective deeming of relevance or importance

Possibly part one of a series? Perhaps?

If so, then I probably won’t contain it to only eBay, and I’m going off of what comes up for someone who’s based in the UK, so maybe there’s more or less stuff available if you’re in other countries due to shipping limitations, etc.? But eBay at the moment is my main source, and I’m only doing this — work that anyone can do, nothing exceptionally thorough or insightful — because I’m just a little bored, and I know Grelle is the most valued in the fandom and TSOGTR hasn’t been writing itself for the past year and a quarter, so why would it start now?

This is written at 3AM-6AM on 29/8/2024, so if this is found long after this date then there’s a chance my sources have already been bought out or deleted for whatever reason.

1.

Grell Sutcliff Funko Pop 18 Kuroshitsuji Black Butler POP! Vinyl Anime Figure

At the time of writing this, there are no bids for this and so the price remains at £21.99 (item and shipping). The current bid is due to end on ≈1/9/2024. Wait for the last second to bid one pence higher than the asking price and you’re golden.

I actually have one of these, but it was gifted to me, and so I don’t know how much mine was sold for, but seeing as the four Black Butler Funko Pops have been vaulted and are sold for way higher in other places online, I think this is a pretty good deal.

(Fun fact, the person who gifted her to me as well as tracked down other cheap listings for the other three called her Greta. Consistently. So. Greta. Greta Sutcliff.)

As we can see from the item’s pictures, the figure has been taken out of its box, at the very least just to be show-cased or inspected, but it does appear to come with the box. Here is a listing on Amazon (9.99 GBP, excluding shipping) for 10 Funko Pop display sleeves that should match the item’s measurements.

The current conversions for this item’s price (18.99 GBP) are as follow:

25.06 USD

36.91 AUD

33.77 CAD

22.52 Euro

2,103.26 INR

855,31 Turkish Lira

39.92 NZD

3,623.33 Yen

Obviously I’m not including every conversion in here, only the most obvious/prevalent. If your country’s currency isn’t here, then my apologies, and feel free to bring it to my attention (with currency named) so that I may add it to any future episodes to this possible series, or to edit this post back with the conversions of that time.

2.

Black Butler PVC Keychain Grell

The description of this listing says that this is officially licensed and from one reverse image search to find a bunch of listings across several websites for it, I’m inclined to believe that this is actually an official piece of merch and not a fan-made item that is being resold as I had originally thought it to be. (Wow, I’m such a knowledgable Black Butler fan. I know, I know.)

There’s not much to say on this other than the fact that it’s cute and I think a few pence has been shaved off from the original selling price, though I’m not too sure. I imagine it would have easily gone for 8.99 GBP, but again I’m not too sure; it’s 3AM after all and this isn’t a serious project for me.

The current conversions go as followed:

11.87 USD

17.47 AUD

15.99 CAD

10.66 Euro

996.15 INR

405,49 Turkish Lira

18.90 NZD

1,715.62 Yen

3.

Grelle Black Butler manga plushie Anime Soft Toy

It’s not the best price, I admit. If you’re looking for something cheaper then maybe go for the 5" plush, and there’s another listing on AnimeWare, but once tax and shipping get evolved it ends up being more or less the same price, anyway.

I think this is under the same line as Plushlois comes from, and to that I say: if someone buys her, will that come back? Will Grelle’s face be remade by @fancymeatcomputers, as @nullbutler’s Plushlois once had?

Anyway, she’s super cute. Her hair is a bit too saturated, but that’s not much to lament over, and she’s pricey, but is still far less expensive than any available Plushlois listing I could find (£52!! Usually!!).

Here are the current conversions:

39.61 USD

58.30 AUD

53.35 CAD

35.58 Euro

3,323.16 INR

1,351.58 Turkish Lira

63.01 NZD

5,727.47 Yen

4.

Black Butler Kuroshitsuji Grell Undertaker Anime two sided Pillow Case Cover 250

I’d originally listed another pillow for listing number four, which goes for the same price, but decided not to as Grelle is more prominent on this one.

Not much to say about this other than as far as I can tell it’s just the pillowcase and not a case and a pillow, but if you want to add a lil extra something to your Grelle shrine or limit your chances of finding a normie partner by having this as the centrepiece to your 20-something pillow statement on your romantic four-post bed.

Here are the current conversions:

7.91 USD

11.64 AUD

10.65 CAD

7.10 Euro

663.67 INR

269.94 Turkish Lira

12.58 NZD

1,143.54 Yen

5.

Black butler Grell Sutcliffe figure Kuroshitsuji SEGA PVC Scale Anime s01

Another shambolic price, I know. But out of all the non-Funko Pop Grelle figures listed, this is definitely the cheapest.

Out of all of the non-Funko Pop Black Butler figures, it’s far from it. I think the cheapest figures went to Ciel and Sebastian, but with a massive gap between the cheapest Ciel figure versus the cheapest Sebastian figure (there’s a lot of listings for this particular figure, all with free shipping and of similar prices). There’s also a listing that sells Sebastian and Grelle together with free postage, which would value each figure as far less than what this one figure is being sold for.

The current conversions (of 130.22 GBP) go as follows:

172.00 USD

252.73 AUD

231.50 CAD

154.48 Euro

14,430.37 INR

5,874.98 Turkish Lira

273.31 NZD

24,865.90 Yen

6.

Black Butler Grell Sutcliff Cosplay Costume Red Death Men Full Set Outfits New

I’m not much of cosplayer or a cosplay fan, but from the few full cosplays I found that range from £40-50, this seems like a good price.

There’s also a good few listings for Grelle-style shoes? The cheapest of which would be here. And both the shoes and the clothing come in men’s sizes, so it’s a match if you ask me.

The current conversions of the cosplay’s price are:

23.76 USD

34.92 AUD

31.98 CAD

21.34 Euro

1,993.77 INR

811.52 Turkish Lira

37.76 NZD

3,435.09 Yen

7.

Kuroshitsuji Black Butler Madam Red Angelina Dalles Anime Figurine - Play Arts

Look. I know this isn’t a Grelle figure, but I assume that most if not all Grelle fans are also Madame Red fans. And you have to admit that this is a damn good price for a figure of this type. In fact, I’d say this figure is the second cheapest, right behind the aforementioned Ciel figure.

Also the seller has the username “welsh lady”. Surely it’d basically be treason if I didn’t promote it.

The conversions of the item price (6.99 GBP) go as follows:

9.23 USD

13.57 AUD

12.43 CAD

8.29 Euro

774.85 INR

315.29 Turkish Lira

14.68 NZD

1,336.09 Yen

8.

USED Dolk Black Butler Book of Circus Grell Sutcliff Cast Doll 700mm Japan RARE

This is a fucking awful price. It hurts just to imagine buying this. However, it seems like a rare or custom-made doll, in a fancy box, and it was the only listing I could find of it, meaning it’s not a re-sell.

There’s not much to say — as you can see I ranked it pretty low on the relevancy scale, but I don’t know: maybe someone’s into this sort of thing, especially if it comes to Grelle.

The item prices are converted as follows:

2,805.52 USD

4,123.16 AUD

3,776.66 CAD

2,519.24 Euro

235,385.31 INR

95,779.75 Turkish Lira

4,458.47 NZD

405,826.75 Yen

9.

1 x playing card Black Butler Anime Sebastian Michaelis - Jack of Hearts ZT 85

For one playing card, to me this price seems ghastly. There’s also a Sebastian variant for the exact same price, but that’s all I can find in this style. The other listings for Black Butler playing cards aren’t in this style, coming wholly in colour with patterned frames. As far as I can see, on eBay there are only two listings for this type of playing card, and I’ve already linked them both to this post.

The current conversions of the item price (2.49 GBP) are:

3.29 USD

4.83 AUD

4.43 CAD

2.95 Euro

276.04 INR

112,34 Turkish Lira

5.23 NZD

476.23 Yen

10.

Black Butler Ceramic Mug Grell, Sebastian

There’s a more expensive mug with just Grelle on it that I’d contemplated listing here instead. (And, hey! From Germany, too. The TSOGTR imagery just won’t quit.) But this one is cheaper.

Besides, enough scrubbing with some iron wool will get rid of that ugly demon mug (no pun intended) in no time, surely!

The current conversions go as follows:

19.62 USD

28.84 AUD

26.41 CAD

17.62 Euro

1,646.22 INR

669,76 Turkish Lira

31.17 NZD

2,841.32 Yen

[swordsandarms]

Knowing the rebellion needed to happen to stop a corrupt king isn't saying the rebels were perfect? Just because you guys aren't capable of acknowledging flaws in the Targaryens doesn't mean other fans are the same way.

But that isn't quite right, is it? "Targaryen fans" are discussing Targaryen nuance all the time. "Targaryen haters" are talking about their flaws all the time. 50 posts a day. A critical post about, say, Ned Stark, appears every few month, and people get mad.

I answered a post going "Jon Arryn is a nice, neat guy :)" post with his actual messed up actions and got pushed back on just a while back.

This phrasing is also distorting the actual argument brought against Rebellion defenders: which is that the Rebellion being seen as an improvement to some evil regime, and Targaryens being the one flaw in this world that once removed is the biggest of deals. (Also the use of "corrupt" is quite distorting in itself. Robert's regime is more "corrupt" than Aerys'. Aerys was mentally ill, unfit to rule, and there is no safeguard within their government in this kind of situation).

Not only does nothing in the regime/government changes with the Rebellion (hence the problem with the argument that the Rebellion puts an end to any "corruption"), but it gets worse in all significant ways, but people act like it's better because the King does not act in some cartoonish cruel way as Aerys was written to (though, once more, Aerys, yes, should have been made to step down in some way or other, as he was unfit to rule; him making these clearly chaotic, cruel decisions shouldn't have been allowed).

Economically, Robert manages to get a full treasury from a mentally ill Aerys in command, and throughout 15 years of fruity years, turn it into being owned by a foreign bank.

Dynastic-wise, he takes it from the Aerys situation where you (AGAIN) have the main problem being that the guy who causes family/vassal conflicts is literally too ill to act better. That results in a 3-way conflict (if you include Rhaegar vs Aerys). Somehow, the Rebels men with no such excuse whatsoever, have such a catastrophic fragmented legacy that they leave behind a 5-way conflict only to start with, and more claimant Kings keep stacking up.

It's almost embarrassing. We are, again, comparing them to the legacy of a man straight up INEPT.

But the fandom talks of them like Ned patting Robert gently on his dead bed: "It's OK. At least you weren't as bad as Aerys" (coughtheguyliterallytooilltodobettercough). Seriously?

Point remade: the Rebellion "support" in fandom almost always lacks nuance in the interest of the Rebels' defense in particular, all while the idea that the Targaryens were this unique problem is almost always promoted.

This kind of nuance isn't even only applicable to the Rebels. One could also address the faulty "Jaehaerys was a good king but a bad father" given that his decision AS father and grandfather are what created huge dynastic conflicts for their "government" down the line. Or "Aegon V was a good father but a bad King" in spite of the fact that the conflicts with his Lords had to do with gains they couldn't get by marrying into royalty BUT also even more from Aegon trying to take care of the commoners which is actually what a good King should do (but protecting the commoners means he was stepping on his Lords' "rights" to do whatever the Hell to whoever).

But there's nothing as pushed back or diluted as when you remark it about the Rebels.

[nootnootwook]

christmas cookies

pairing: zhang hao x fem!reader

genre: (childhood) best friends to lovers

in which: you and hao bake christmas cookies together even though you are both fire hazards in the kitchen.

warnings: reader chokes, kisses, lowercase intended !! in love and concerned hao, fluff fluff fluff, not proof read !!

series masterlist !!

“hao stop it!” you shout shielding yourself from the flour which is currently being thrown at you.

“nuh uh, this is payback!” your best friend says back while grabbing another handful of flour to throw in your face.

as of right now, you are about an hour into your baking experience with hao and it’s been eventful to say the least. in the time that you have currently spent trying to make cookies together you have:

1. remade the dough

2. dropped three eggs on the floor

3. got butter everywhere

4. remade the dough again

5. thrown flour at hao

6. finally put the cookies in the oven

7. gotten flour thrown at you

8. fallen even more in love with your best friend (and you didn’t even know that was an option)

to be completely honest you’ve been harbouring feelings for hao ever since you became friends when you were kids. he was just so charming even at the age of 5 (he gave you his spade in the sandbox) and you just couldn’t resist the cheeky little prince that the universe so graciously gave to you.

even now, at the ripe age of 23, the two of you continue your tradition of baking christmas cookies together without somehow burning the kitchen down and you just can’t seem to take your eyes off of your best friend.

he is always so kind and thoughtful towards you, although it may not show in times like this where he’s attacking you with flour, and with each passing day you find yourself falling for him more and more.

you wouldn’t exchange this for anything in the world. what more could you want during christmas other than laughing with your best friend (read; the love of your life) while making sugar cookies with christmas songs playing in the background and the fairy lights-

and apparently a coughing fit to interrupt the moment. (it turns out that breathing in flour isn’t the brightest idea.)

“woah are you okay?” you hear the laugh in hao’s voice immediately disappear as he puts down the bag of flour and runs over to you while patting your back. “i’m sorry i didn’t mean to make you choke” he says sheepishly as you catch your breath again. he fills up a glass of water and hands it to you.

“no it’s okay” you say while taking the glass. “thank you” you say after taking a sip. you look at hao only to find him staring back at you already. you notice he starts to move towards you holding out his hand which you soon feel resting on your flour-covered cheek.

he wipes away the tears which you didn’t realise have formed while you choked on the flour but doesn’t take his hand away while you stare into his eyes. his eyes flicker down to your lips momentarily as he starts leaning closer to you. you close your eyes and lean up towards him. you can almost feel his breath on your lips when-

beep beep

the cookies are done.

he immediately pulls away and you turn away from him thankful for the flour on your cheeks for covering the redness which has bloomed on your face.

“sorry, i’m sorry” he says and massages his neck. “you go and get cleaned up i’ll get the cookies” he says and you leave as quickly as possible.

you hop in the shower quickly to get rid of the flower in your hair. did that really just happen? did i really almost kiss my best friend.

that is all you could think about during your short shower along with what do you do next? do you bring it up? do you stay quiet? do you go up and kiss him?

despite all of your rushing thoughts you threw on one of the shirts hao gave you and walked back into the kitchen.

“the cookies are basically cooled now so we can decorate them soon” you heard hao say as if nothing had happened.

“oh that’s great” you said a bit disappointed that he decided to ignore the situation. you thought that maybe this could have finally been the time where you could have done something about your feelings for him. “you go clean yourself up i’ll get the decorations out” you said with a forced smile and he left the room but not before shooting you a slightly worried look.

you let out a small sigh after he left the room and your eyes teared up slightly at the thought of him basically rejecting you. you got all of the decorations for the cookies out and set them on the table. you blinked away your tears quickly as you heard him coming back into the room.

“i got all of the decorations so we can start now” you said trying to put a slightly cheery tone in your voice.

“finally, this is my favourite part” hao said with a smile.

now it’s been about half an hour of cookie decorating time and you decided that you want to tell hao about your feelings outright to get a straight answer.

you’ve come to your decision because these past thirty minutes have been filled with nothing but subtle and not-so-subtle touches from hao some of these consisted of:

1. his hand brushing yours while reaching for the sprinkles

2. him putting his arm around your shoulder while grabbing something on the other side of you

3. him holding you by your waist to move you over so he can stand where you stood

4. wiping icing from your cheek (and staring lovingly into your eyes)

so with the final cookie you had you wrote across it as neatly as you could in icing ‘i like you hao. christmas date with me?’ and waited for the right moment to give it to him.

what you failed to notice is how hao started at you the entire time you were decorating the last cookie. he saw what you wrote and smiled the widest smile anyone could have ever seen.

next thing you know you see a cookie being slipped towards you with ‘yes :)’ written on it messily. you look over at hao to find him staring at you yet again with nothing but love in his eyes.

you smile at him and burry yourself in his chest after putting your cookie down. he reciprocates the hug and wraps his arms around your waist.

“i cant wait to take you out” he whispers and you lift your head to look at him.

“i cant wait to go with you wherever you take me.” you say with a soft smile. “i’ll always be happy wherever you are. you press a light kiss to the corner of his lips and before you could even pull away hao places a hand on the back of your neck and pulls you back in for a proper kiss.

~~~

a/n: here is hao’s part of the series !!! i feel like the ending is slightly to short but hey ho what can you do

let me know how you are liking this so far !! all the support is appreciated thank you !!!

stay tuned for the next part let me know who i should write next !!!

library <3

[synergysilhouette]

An alternate take on "The Princess and the Frog" (2009)

Given that I've remade several Revival-Era films by now, it was only a matter of time that I remade the film that started it all (unless you're one of those fans who considers "Bolt" the start of the Revival Era). I wasn't the biggest fan of this film for musical and story reasons, so I hope you aren't too offended by my changes.

The film features more fantasy elements--I recall controversy about how voodoo was portrayed as magic rather than a religion, and to alleviate that, I think we should confirm that it's magic we're dealing with rather than a specific counterpart to a real-world concept. I'd definitely take inspiration from Alphonse Mucha imagery for the visual (though the art I imagined was inspired by his late 19th century work more than his early 20th century work). I do like the idea that magic is regarded as mystical and dangerous, explaining why Tiana steers away from it while Naveen is enamored by it.

2. Naveen's background and culture is more clearly defined--It was CONFIRMED when the film was released that Naveen's race is fictional since Maldonia is a fictional place, however many fans view him as being Indian. I noted in another post that they could've easily made him the prince of an Indian-inspired country (or a fictional Indian state) and educated in Europe, explaining the westernized fashion and interests--even though westernization was common in general around that time. Of course, if we go the "fictional location" route with the setting for the film rather than New Orleans, this isn't as much of an issue--but it'd still be a nice touch if it was an explicitly Indian-inspired fantastical kingdom, perhaps taking inspiration from Indian fantasy films.

3. Play the duality plotline--Naveen is cursed to be a frog during the night, and a human during the day, albeit forgetful of this. A big criticism people had was that the two leads of color were frogs for most of the film. What if this wasn't the case? Naveen appears to Tiana both as a vain frog and a hedonistic young man. Due to Dr. Facilier's curse, Naveen is unable to remember his froggy curse by day, and thus cannot go about solving it, and the night is filled with shadow monsters who hope to stop him from breaking the spell, with Lawrence and Dr. Facilier manipulating him during the day to make him marry Charlotte. Tiana takes pity on his frog form (not knowing that he's the prince), and unlocks his kindness and selflessness, and as time goes on, human Naveen becomes kinder, and finds himself thinking about Tiana until they share a kiss at Mardi Gras, where he marries her instead of marrying Lottie, like the villains planned. When Facilier tries to get revenge on Naveen, Tiana battles him and breaks his talisman in a similar fashion to the original. (I feel like there's some inspiration you can take from "Howl's Moving Castle" with the plot.) Also when the kiss on Naveen fails to work the first time, Tiana gains the power to speak to animals.

4. Give Lawrence and Dr. Facilier more backstory--It's mentioned that Lawrence has been taken advantage of all his life, and it'd be more powerful to see his villain arc if we knew how much pain he went through rather than simply seeing him as greedy and selfish from the start. Plus Facilier's magic is QUITE interesting, and something I'd love to know more about. Perhaps tying into the racial subplot, he had a life similar to Tiana and her family, only he couldn't achieve his dream and turned to the shadows. Some may consider this a sympathetic villain story, but I do think that Facilier's backstory in the original would've included some racial themes as well.

5. Make Ralphie older and give him more relevance--I do like the idea that Ralphie is close in age to Naveen (with Ralphie still being the younger brother), and they have a relationship similar to Dreamworks characters, ie Moses/Ramses, Sinbad/Proteus, and Miguel/Tulio. I also like the idea that while Naveen is selfish but somewhat innocent of the world, Ralphie is selfless but easily stressed and flustered. I picture him being a mix of Aladdin and Hercules. I love the idea that he came to keep tabs on Naveen, and both he and Naveen pursue Charlotte, though Ralphie actually develops feelings for her, and she reciprocates. Plus I do wish he had a different name, but that's just me.

6. Charlotte's friendship with Tiana is a bit more pronounced--Some people think that her selfless act for Tiana at the end of the movie was too little, too late, as they found her annoying and spoiled. I'd enjoy more moments where we get to see their friendship, ie after Lottie gives Tiana a makeover, she asks her what happened at the party (which Tiana apparently never told her about since Lottie mentions how they're both getting their wishes granted that night).

7. Embrace the green--I do want Tiana to enjoy wearing green without it being associated with her being a frog. The concept art has really great designs, and it could correlate to her growing to love Naveen--plus it'd make her a good contrast to Lottie, especially if it was Eudora making these dresses.

8. Alter the soundtrack and side characters slightly--Take "Never Knew I Needed" and make it an actual song for Tiana to sing! I'd also take Luis and make him a human (his story did feel like a racial allegory) while Ray would stay a firefly for his "Evangeline" story. Plus this could also make "When We're Human" a solo for Naveen. And maaaaybe make the "Down in New Orleans" a song for Tiana or an ensemble number. And a part of me wants Lottie to have a song (maybe with Ralphie).

9. Remove Mama Odie and give Eudora more credit--I say this since Mama Odie didn't really do much to move the plot along (her advice of kissing a princess didn't really matter since Naveen and Tiana get married anyway), and she gave Tiana a good amount of insight that she wasn't able to appreciate until later. Allowing her mother to be a bigger part of her story is BIG for a Disney princess, especially if Tiana is staying human and staying in town.

Lemme know what you think! I hope you enjoyed this reimagining.

[mofffun]

--Rant--

Cantonese Kingoh aired ep4 yesterday. and I'm. can't say pissed, but that word isn't far from the truth. It's just laughable to me, the whole situation. and I'm probably the most ridiculous of all.

So. Rita has 2 scenes in ep4 and we get two addresses: from Racules, "Saibannchou" (Chief Justice) and from Kaguragi, "Rita koku-ou" (Sovereign Rita)

The Catonese dub kept "Saibannchou" as is and changed "Sovereign Rita" to "Queen Rita".

That had me fuming!!!! ><><><>.<>.<>O< OOOOOOOOOOOO

That was completely unnecessary! and I feel a little "betrayed" for sitting through other less than desirable translation and voice acting (For example Himeno's ojou-sama hohoho laugh became a happy childish hahaha).

Worst is I don't even know WHO to point fingers at even if I'm low enough to lay blame by assumption. Is it the TV station? the outsource dubbing studio? the toy distributor?

The re-naming is a deliberate act and the translation logic doesn't even remain consistent within the same episode, since Saibannchou is kept as is without being re-contextualized in the HK/Cantonese law system to "Chief Justice".

I'm just really disappointed in how uncessary the change is. The TV station is even persumed (big air quote) to be "progressive" by having remade Ossan Love (or something, I haven't watched local TV in 5 years).

I guess I'm just made I've been confronted with the reality that representation/stereotype/awareness locally is just shit and LGBTQ+ issues are just a laughing stock or marketing tactic with the wider public simply refusing to listen or swept it under the "left plastic" rug. (and like, even as a casual viewer I've been watching queer representation in local TV production for as long as I can read…)

I know I'm wind up because I consumed caffiene that noon, but it just left me so sour and bitter? I want nothing more than to support the local broadcast of my favourite Sentai of all time. I have put aside funds for it. Now I just. I'm not even interested in watching my liege's debut episode! The dub was already bad, and this is just ourtright wrong. And it's almost like if I remain caught up, something the original was with me 'til the end, I'm the clown here.

It was like, you always knew the (Cantonese) dub is gonna be bad, you always knew this TV station/local distributor is so-so about the shows, you always knew the whole Cantonese dubbing industry is dwindling, you always knew HK people only likes to watch people pok gai WHY do you bother. I think I want to raise the question on li regardless of the slash if just to raise some awareness. I also try to stop myself from being too combative right from the start. I just be asking why was a change that completely oppose the original text was deemed necessary? Let's hear their consideration if they would even reply to my email. I be gonna looking at CFDA to launch a complaint or something.

The whole thing about Rita being denied a queer identity (from official or fans) that irks me is that the story was never even about their queer identity at all! The story isn't trying to push any agenda to the straights or there would've been an episode from Rita talking about their identity and its significance right???? The story is very much trying to break the binary by demonstrating their gender doesn't matter in regard to their actions and capability as king, by DOING NOTHING. And if higher-ups are gonna to catch whispers and shadows I'm just so, disappointed. The witch-hunting just go to show how fragile such conservative values and those who deem those as "the way it is" are.

p.s. i need to dig up the mainland chinese dub and taiwan dub for comparison, korean dub if i can…

-> chinese dub kept Koku-ou as is and taiwan dub airs this friday

p.p.s./edit: i read a comment that ep1 deleted some violent scenes because the programme is not PG, i.e. the TV station doesn't bother putting a PG warning before the show, going through the communications authroity guidelines (re: not law) for related sections

-> the guidlines only has a section on sex/nudity instead of queer topics. The diction was very vague too on other categories under what requires a parental guidance label. But there has been precedents and other actual laws that i can look up.

I'm just really tired after all these typing and I should really shift my focus on something useful like the tons of VS talks, behind-the-scenes and Yuzuki and Erica's photo book press release.

[biolizardboils]

so heads up! im popping a LOT of Prime Season 3 posts into the queue--they'll start coming out one week from now, on January 22nd! if you can see this post and haven't watched it yet, here's some tags to block: #prime spoilers, #sonic prime spoilers, #sonic prime s3 spoilers, #sonic prime season 3 spoilers.

got all that? great! here's my final unorganized little rambles about the show:

shoutout to Rusty Rose's Birdie, who only appears in the very first and very last eps for some reason 😭 her speech about it not being her power source came outta nowhere too, but i loved the message behind it

when everyone arrives at the Grim, just before the ep ends, Nine starts breathing heavily and it. instantly reminded me of Movie!Tails when the bar was calling them freaks. fuck. its a nice reminder of where Nine's coming from

speaking of Nine his poses getting more unhinged over time!! hell yeah

i love that the final fight(s) felt like a kid smashing 3 different Lego sets together, real Robot Pirate Island shit

i laughed a little too hard when the Grim's dome started closing in cus Nine's citadel-thing already reminded me of a thing that happened in Fortnite once, but hell naw they had to add The Storm too sdfghj

METAL BIG DESTROYED ME LJKHGFDV im SO glad i wasnt spoiled about it!!! a while in i started finding it creepy instead of funny, which is an added bonus

i was spoiled about the Advance flashback and its clashing sprites though. the utter whiplash of seeing that without warning mightve made me choke on my hot cheeto puffs. someone's already remade it btw, check it out

i fistpumped at the small reprise of "me beauty" gfhjk ill miss you so much Dread

we're four years into the 2020's and Sonic has nearly died an agonizingly slow death 3 times in 3 different continuities! and dare i say it was delicious every time >:)

unless Word of God says otherwise I'm gonna assume that the giant shadow at the end was The Return Of Metal Big lpoihgfds

So... Twitter, huh? My spoiler filters there had some leaks, and I saw some discussion out of context that... actually made me kinda scared to finish the show. But then I did, and had fun with it just like the other two seasons, and I remembered that Twitter gets high-strung about things that don't matter so much, and that giving it sway over how much I enjoy things is silly lol.

Yes, I think the last season could've been paced differently so it wasn't 5 episodes of the same Final Boss Fight. Yes, I think the writing switches jarringly between gearing for a young new audience and for a seasoned old one. Yes, I think the 2D flashbacks look and move worse than what fans constantly make for free. Yes, I think the final episode doesn't do nearly as much housekeeping as it should (does the Shatterverse still exist or not??). Yes, I think declaring the show is canon to the games or whatever they said probably wasn't the best idea. And yes, I think Black Rose should've had a shoulder-parrot!Birdie to match the other Amys. All valid critiques! All sensible things to think when you've been around the Sonic bush!

But I swear to god, people on Twitter act like these things spoil the whole package. Where's the nuance? Why does every opinion there become an absolute worth tearing others down for? Is it the character limit? I bet it's the character limit.

There's so much I love about this show that were infeasible for the Sonic brand just 3-4 years ago. Externalizing the characters' facets to explore them in-depth. Said exploration spanning multiple episodes instead of being one-and-done. The sheer amount of genuine Sonadow food (and I don't actively do shipping, so me adding it here should hold a lot of weight). The snappy, playful, yet blistering fight scenes that, dare I say, feel like a successful TV-budget Spider-Verse. It was all so much fun!

But I guess stuff like Green Hill being the gang's "home" is a big deal-breaker?? Like?? I thought that was silly too, but not worth ratio'ing people with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse over? Get well soon, I guess??

Rambling over, shout-out to the entire country of Canada for giving me the most fun I've had with a Sonic show since X! I'm gonna go figure out how to address all this as The End lol

[bunnyandcoffeeposts]

Saving a Bad Situation

If you ever have a day/outing/conversation that just isnt going the way you want it to, everything just feels icky and wrong, and youre starting to think absolutely nothing can salvage it, consider Starting It Over! Not everything is going to perfectly all the time, but if you feel like you're losing control of a situation this play-pretend strategy can help you get back on course! Here are some ways we've used Starting Over to help get things back on the right track:

We were having quite a yucky morning - We woke up because of a bad dream, our morning tea wasn't made right, we forgot to eat breakfast until we were way too hungry, and we found out the plans for the day had changed drastically. It felt like the whole day was going to be miserable. So we Started Over! We got back into bed and set an alarm for 5 or 10 or 15 minutes, then closed our eyes and just laid under the covers hugging a stuffie until our "reset period" was over. We could pretend that the change of plans had been made the night before and so that was now just the plan for the day "like always", we remade our "first" cup of tea, reminded ourself to put toast on, and that bad dream was from "yesterday" morning!

Through neither person's intention, an important conversation was miscommunicated or misinterpreted, or a little bit of both. We both were long past upset and neither of us wanted to snap at each other. So, I said that I'd Like to Start the Conversation Over. We hung up our call, we both took a deep breath, and used our own mistakes, and our now better understanding of the other person's thoughts and needs to work through the conversation more carefully and considerately. We started the call over, greeted each other just like we hadn't talked at all that day, pretend that the previous talk never happened, but still had a productive and positive talk

I really wanted to play video games with Mama, and Mama really wanted to play video games with me! So, understandably, she moved rooms to the computer that has her games on it. I wasn't sure on how to communicate beforehand that I wasn't ready to change rooms, so the quick change with no transition period made me feel jostled and upset. So i said "I'm almost ready to go to the computer" and put in censored text that i would like to play pretend for a few minutes. We both pretended that we were still in bed and when i felt comfortable enough said that i was ready to "go" to the new room, covered my eyes for a few moments as we "went to the new room" and then took a few minutes to get adjusted. Physically we stayed sitting at the computer the whole time because there are a number of stairs in between, but it still gave me the effect of that transition period i needed

This is something mainly used with the littles or on days where emotional regulation is more challenging, but that doesn't mean that its little or autistic exclusive; everyone needs to hit the reset button sometimes! No, not everything in life is going to go exactly how we want it to, and we all need to be able to adapt to things out of our control, but that doesn't mean something "small" has to ruin your day, or that you can't take a breather before giving something a second go!

This is just something we've found helpful for us and been using more often lately to keep issues from snowballing out of control, and has also been a good exercise for us to better communicate our needs and feelings. It's a lot easier to say I Need To Start Over than trying to work through articulating emotions while upset. Its easier (and usually more protective, for us) to explain how we felt and what we felt went wrong once we're calmer. No, this probably wont work for everyone, we used to find it too hard to play pretend, but since getting back in touch with our imagination its become much easier, but its an extra tool you might want to add to your emotional and communication toolboxes and consider trying out!

[nomoreusername]

New Girl (Part 2)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:After making a plan to get your memories back, Aris shows you all the hidden spots of your past.

I’ve learned a few things that may be useful.

1 ) Y/N is in the same dorm

2 ) Nobody remembers her

3 ) WCKD knew about our plans

4 ) She's remade her old friends

5 ) She has the same personality

I had to use this to my advantage. It wasn't much, but she's still in there. I just need to bring her back. 

I have to bring her back to me. 

So I need to remind her of everything she had. It was a longshot, but it was all I had. For now.

Hidden in the vents, I slowly pushed the cover out before rolling out from under her bed. Admiring her for a moment, I looked at bed head, her slightly parted lips, her eyelashes and closed eyes, every mark she had, every scar, and everything. Caught up in her, as I heard a noise I was snapped out of my thoughts.

Before I could overthink it I started gently shaking her. She groaned and opened her eyes. As they adjusted I guess I freaked her out because she tried to scream until I clapped my hand over her mouth.

“Don't panic, okay? I’m going to help you, but you need to trust me. Can you trust me?”I pleaded, ignoring my racing heart.

After a moment she nodded. Moving my hand off, I watched as she sat up.

“Who are you?”She whispered.

“I’m Aris, and I’m going to save you. You have to come with me though,”I explained.

“Come where?”

“To the vents. I’m going to show you some important places,”I answered.

“The vents?”

“Yeah. It's safe though as long as we're quiet,”I assured her, back under her bed. Waiting for a moment, when she followed I gestured for her to stay close. Thankfully, some part of her actually trusted me as she stayed near, even making some turns to our destination without needing to be led. Hopefully, that was a good thing. I really think so, but with WCKD you can never be too sure. 

“This is our very first stop,”I whispered, glancing down. Seeing it empty (as if it's never not) I pushed the grate off and flipped on the lights by the wall. Taking her hand, I helped her out before turning around. While refusing to let go, I couldn't help but smile as I looked at the dim room just covered in art. Some of it a few decades old while others go back centuries.

“What is this place?”She wondered, letting go of my hand to better examine them.

“A hidden room. Well, more like abandoned. It doesn't seem like much, but it means a lot to you.”

“Really?”She asked, running her hands over the frame of a painting.

“Really,”I nodded.

“How come?”She questioned, turning to look at me. Internally debating it, I had to choose between the truth freaking her out or lying to her.

Still, as she looked at me, expecting an answer, the decision was obvious. 

“It's where you had your very first date,”I admitted, watching her expression change from almost deadpan to furrowed eyebrows.

“With who?”

“With . . . me,”I trailed off.

“You?”

“Yeah. With me,”I repeated.

“Oh,”She mumbled as I stared at my feet. “That makes sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem nice, and you are pretty cute,”She shrugged, looking at more of the paintings, leaving me standing there, trying to figure out what to do.

“Have we been anywhere else?”She asked, taking this better than I imagined.

“Yeah. There are two more places that I want to show you.”

“Let's go then. We don't have a lot of time,”She pointed out.

“Yeah,”I agreed, holding out my hand. Accepting it, we crawled back in the vent. Leading her up the slanted spot, we were able to stay side by side, with me occasionally grabbing her shirt so she wouldn't slip. Not that I minded. This area always was a bit of a struggle, and she still didn't seem to recall anything about it.

“We’re almost there,”I assured her, pulling myself over the flat edge before helping her do the same. Glancing down, when this place was clear too I pushed the cover out and dangled my feet over the edge as she sat beside me.

“What's here?”She asked.

“Our first, “I love you.” Right below the stars,”I explained, pointing at the cracked window. With the cool breeze blowing, we sat there as we admired the night sky, with me doing the same to her every now and then. 

“What are you looking at?”She asked, turning her head to meet my gaze.

“You. I’ve always loved looking at you.”

“Oh,”She murmured, her cheeks turning a light pink. “How come?”

“I just do. I like taking in your features. It makes life better,”I confessed.

“You're really sweet, Aris,”She whispered, placing her hand over mine. Looking at her fingers brushing over my knuckles, I tried to ignore my heart racing in my chest even faster than before. 

“Pretty,”She whispered.

“Yeah. The stars are always lovely.”

“The stars too, but I was talking about you,”She clarified, giving me a small smile that I didn't hesitate to return.

“Come on. We've got one more place to be,”I said after a minute of comfortable silence.

“Where to now?”She asked, sliding down next to me. Before she could fall I caught her in my arms, stopping her from collapsing on her head.

“Oh. Thank you, Aris,”She said, giving me another smile. Looking at her, I brushed some of her hair out of her eyes as I just kept admiring her. 

“Don't we have to go?”She whispered, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah. We do,”I nodded, letting go of her as she crawled beside me. Turning another corner, I looked down through the vent bars to see the special room was still a little dim. 

“Come on,”I muttered, pulling it up before dropping down. Following me just like she used to, she landed on her feet as some part of her remembered how to do this. While it seems to be muscle memory right now, it just had to be more. It has to run deeper. 

She has to remember. Somehow, someway, she has to know everything.

Turning on the light, I squinted for a moment as they flickered before individually turning on. Looking at her for her reaction, I saw her just standing there, a blank expression on her face as she started walking by the shelves. Following her, I crossed my fingers that this would work.

“This is nice for a place like this,”She just pointed out, running her fingers over a dusty bookshelf. “So what was here?”She inevitably asked.

“First kiss,”I mumbled, taking in the thought, taking in the way that felt. The way those words felt so powerful yet so hopeless. 

I had to have hope though.

I had to have something.

I had to have her.

“Our first kiss?”She repeated.

“Yeah. Our first kiss,”I confirmed, waiting for something. Anything. 

“This was all very nice, but it's not clicking. Nothing's clicking,”She sighed, shaking her head as she gazed at me, her eyes having this flash of sadness for just a moment before disappearing.

“I’m sorry, Aris. I don't remember,”She said softly, patting my shoulder.

This could end really well.

This could end really badly. 

It was going to end in something though. It may be the dumbest idea ever, but it's all I’ve got.

So in one last desperate attempt to save her I grabbed her waist and pulled her close. Before I could back out I smashed my lips against hers. To my shock, she only froze for a second before putting her arms around my shoulders and kissing back.

This was good.

I think so. 

I think she may remember. I really, really need her. I really, really Y/N to realize I love her, that I’m in love with her. I need her to realize that she's in love with me. I need her to realize that we couldn't throw away everything that we had dreamed of as if it was nothing.

To do that though, she needs to know it.

And I think she does. She's kissing me like she does, the way she always has. Her hands were around my neck, the way they always were. She was just barely standing on the tips of her toes, the way she always did. 

So I just missed her and hoped that she knew all of this, that she still knew us. 

“I love you,”She mumbled against my lips, making me pull away as I internally replayed those words. While there was a split second of doubt, when I saw this familiar spark in her eyes I knew I had heard just right.

That, and I was done doubting her.

“So you remember?”I asked, holding back a hopeful grin.

“No. I don't remember anything,”She admitted, making my heart drop as I wondered if I had imagined every moment with her. Could I? Could I possibly imagine those kinds of feelings? “But I know that I know you,”She continued, making my head spin as I wondered what was happening. “I know that I trust you. I know that I love you,”She finished, giving me a soft smile.

“So you are completely sure of this?”I checked.

“Absolutely,”She nodded, still holding her arms around me.

“Then, do you believe me when I say that we had plans to leave? If I told you that you needed to go with me tonight so that we can live the life we’ve dreamed of, would you do it?”

“Yes,”She answered without hesitation.

“It won't be easy. It’ll be dangerous, but we have a plan. If we stay together we can do it. Even if it's deadly and we’ve never been outside the entire gates, will you escape with me?”

“Yes. I just want you, and if you say being free means I get to do that, then I want that.”

“Then, let's go right now,”I suggested.

“Yeah. It's now or never, right?”She pointed out.

“Exactly,”I nodded, taking her hand and leading her out of here.

So it may not be exactly what I imagined, but I got my girl back, and now she was never leaving. Just like we had talked about. Plus, if anything, her falling in love again, having one night of memories was a beautiful last time here. Even if she didn't remember before this she'll remember now, and that's what matters.

[tactidoll]

Dollypop, got any rap recs?

so ive been planning on doing a series of playlists as a kinda introduction to rap, especially so after the dot vs drake beef has put rap back in the spotlight and made more people than ever actually aware of the lyrical content of these songs, its mostly been an issue of executive function beating my ass 5 ways to sunday lately, but suffice to say rap recommendations has been on my mind a lot lately

i could probably go on for a few hrs about hip hop and its place as the culmination of all music prior, but rap is a genre that more so than others rewards album listening so i will more often than not recommend albums over singles/tracks but ill try my best to isolate what i consider to be a well rounded list (no links cus i dont use spotify lmao)

theres a lotta ways to split up rap and hip hop as a whole into a thousand micro genres, especially when you take regions into consideration but i think im gonna go with just 15 tracks that cover as many bases as i can and give a little explanation for each track starting with

NY State of Mind - Nas: ny state of mind is THE classic in my books, dj premier provides the perfect boom bap beat for nas to make the final push to usher in a new generation of rap, literally sampling eric b and rakim in the chorus, the previous pair to bring the genre from the 80’s into the 90’s, furthering that push with more complex rhyme schemes and blending the street/gangsta rap of nwa and wu-tang with the jazzy introspection and philosophy of de la and tribe, a perfect set piece for the album of a desperate kid rapping and telling his stories like its his last day on earth because it just might be

Doomsday – MF DOOM: the manifesto of a super villain, a rulebook on rap, a re-emergence of a forgotten rapper, after the death of his brother and issues with the record label dropping KMD Zev Love X disappeared in ‘94 and then in ‘99 MF DOOM dropped operation: doomsday, the dizzying rhyme schemes and word play, the casual humor and pop culture and sampling referencing lends to a true statement of a song, that DOOM was here and was gonna change the world

4th Chamber – GZA: a dozen wu-tang tracks could’ve appeared on this list and all would be justified but 4th chamber is my favourite by far, starting with the now iconic samurai or kung fu film sample and then kicking into a crazy intro beat that calms slightly in time for ghostface killah to come in and pick it right back up with the first verse of this slick posse cut

Mathematics – Mos Def: Yasiin Bey Is a genius plain and simple, another track produced by preemo another masterpiece of a beat, Bey raps about the sociological statistics that work to keep the black population down in this mathematically driven guide through the politics of the late 90’s

You Got Me – The Roots: this track really shows just how good live instrumentation can be, black thought is one of the greatest of all time, simple as frankly I don’t have too much more to say its just a brilliant song

Wesley’s Theory – Kendrick Lamar: the opening to the greatest album of all time, opening with the mission statement of the album, the sample at the start before the james brown esque hit me pulls the tone back down to earth, part one of the track being a young kdots reactions to the money hes been looking for and part two kendrick plays the role of uncle sam the mascot of white supremacy looking to exploit over eager black artists and talents and lump them with a bill and lock them up when they cant pay it, the deep seeped politics, the groove of thundercat and george clinton of the parliments and funkadelic collectives and the dr dre break really helps sets the tone of the album

Jazz (We’ve Got) – A Tribe called Quest: the perfect jazz rap song, the beat was original made by pete rock before being remade by q-tip, a quintessential classic of the genre simple as

Shook Ones pt 2 – Mobb Deep: the greatest gangsta rap song of all time and frankly its not close its something spectacular, the hardest two 19 year olds ever sounded, over a dark almost evil beat produced by havoc this track is an absolute landmark for not just queensbridge but the entirety of the east coast

Introvert – Little Simz: this track is nothing short of spectacular, a powerful, cinematic, orchestral masterpiece, deep diving into her inner turmoil and her roots, the corruption of the british government, this song shook me to my core when I first listened to simbi, a rallying cry that calls for a war against the oppressing forces further tightening the chains if we ever are to be freed from the oppression

Don’t Cry – J Dilla: this song is gorgeous, chopping up I cant stand (to see you cry) by the escorts into a wonderful beat, made by jay dee in the final throws of his life, half worked on while hospital bound, frequent collaborator and fellow soulquarian questlove stated that this was a message to his mother as J dilla knew the end was near

Nuthin’ But A G Thang – Dr Dre ft Snoop Dogg: the quintessential G-funk banger the genre doesn’t get better than this

SORRY NOT SORRY – Tyler, The Creator: a weird choice for this list, I wasnt sure if I wanted to include it because its so tied to tylers discography but its honestly one of the best rap songs ever when you have the context, especially when you take into account the music video where tyler and all the various versions of himself stand before an audience of ex’s and other notable judgemental presences in his life, as he kills almost every version of himself barring the ‘ugliest’ sides of himself in igor and goblin era tyler potentially insinuating those parts of him still reside inside him

I Used to Love H.E.R – Common: this song is so very important, maybe the best use of metaphor in the whole genre, a fallen out of love story for that very same genre, fantastic storytelling and a great beat by no I.D. one of the most important producers and figures in hip hop out of chicago

Aquemini – Outkast: the title track from one the duos third album and really the record that put the dirty south on the radar on a nationwide level, a sign of their decision to stick together for as long as possible, andres verses really shows hes one of the all time greats and that big boi is not far behind at all

Hazard Duty Pay – JPEGMAFIA: this song was all I listened to for a few weeks after it release, an aggressive single verse track over a soulful beat what more could you want

[farfromdaylight]

some thoughts on the first couple hours of ff13, after picking it up for the first time in a decade

it's fun how much the party 1) doesn't know each other and 2) doesn't like each other! it's very different for a JRPG for the party to just NOT get along to this degree. the only people out of the initial 5 who even know each other are lightning and snow, and lightning has VERY good reason to dislike snow on the outset. the rest are just complete strangers! it's such a fun dynamic.

the dialogue does a perfectly fine job of explaining what l'cie are. like, they explicitly tell you multiple times. fal'cie is a little more murky, but even then, it's not hard to figure out.

that said, the opening is pretty slow in both story and gameplay. not having any magic makes sense for the world, but it makes the game very dull to play for a good 90 minutes. i think if it was remade today they'd streamline it a lot more, because while it's a fine tutorial, there are genuinely too many encounters before you actually get your magic powers.

hope's motivation is pretty thin from the beginning, tbh. watching your mom get killed and being understandably upset about it is perfectly serviceable as a motivation, but then hope runs into snow and doesn't confront him right away. i actually think hope is written quite well, better than i remembered — he comes across as an emotional teenager rather than someone making logical, rational decisions. but if you don't give the character that grace i can understand finding him frustrating.

snow is almost intolerable. i'm really leaning hard on the memory that i liked him a lot more in lightning returns, because he is so fucking annoying in the opening here. calling yourself a hero when there's absolutely no evidence of you being one (and in fact clear evidence that you're NOT a hero) is just obnoxious. also, snow's friend group just comes across as a bunch of weirdos than characters i want to know more about.

vanille is also a weirdo, but at least i know that's wholly intended. i really like the subtle touch of her already having 3 ATB bars when you get to play her initially.

the overall choice to start the game where it does makes sense from a gameplay perspective — it's where the fighting actually starts — but weakens the overall narrative, IMO. FF13 begins in medias res and leans hard on the fact that there were 13 days of prior events that culminated in the Purge... but since the player has no knowledge of all this and a lot of the background isn't immediately clear, it makes for a harder sell. i personally very much enjoy the storytelling in this game, but i can understand why others don't. it requires you to put the narrative together as you go.

once you actually get your magic powers, the game takes off like a rocket. the gameplay remains SO much fucking fun. it's a fascinating evolution of turn-based combat and it works SO well. i do remember how long it'll be until i have 3 party members again, and that part of it is a drag, but the actual combat is so enjoyable i hardly mind.

the game still looks gorgeous. i'm playing on steamdeck and am frequently amazed at how good it looks. obviously the FMVs are still incredible, but the ingame models look SO far ahead of their time, to say nothing of the environments. (also, the fact that i can play a PS3/360 game on handheld and have it Just Work is like magic to me.)

there are so many save points! this is hardly important, but it's making me laugh because i really didn't remember there being a save point around every corner. it's certainly convenient, though!

i don't know how much of it i'm going to play — i'm really supposed to be playing new games right now, not replays — but at the same time i've had SUCH a good time revisiting it that i may carry on for a while yet. we'll see!

[kapmikukupolys]

Waverider Interactive 3D Model

Project ✤ Creating the Waverider from DC’s Legends of Tomorrow.

Devlog 5 - Worked on a few different things; I was feeling a block as I made more bits for the hallway so I worked on the chair located on the bridge!

While making the corner column, I realised there was some sizing issues, so I remade and resized the door, hallway column and floors. A few things I did on maya :

Learnt how to use booleans to make the grate instead of manually sizing it by hand (used to make the diagonal). I also used it to make the octagon shape of the path as well.

Also resized the detailing (pipes etc).

And UV-ed everything.

Then I put them all into substance - I put the textures into UDIMs to since they all share the same materials.

First time using emission and I found out how to make it very luminous on substance haha.

Then I put it into Unreal, and I tested the emission/brightness settings in the materials. It looks pretty cool so far, and I'll eventually figure out how to make the lighting sharper (will probably just be lighting put into the scene).

I didn't want to continue with the hallway and I felt myself getting bored with it so I decided to start work on the bridge, starting with the chairs. I'm still deciding which version of the bridge to do (I'm thinking post season 3).

Also the legends of tomorrow season 1 DVD featurette was a lifesaver. I found out the seats were old nascar racing seats the producers found and repurposed lmao.

This meant I could use official side and front views of the chair for accurate measurements!!!

Final look after some texturing on Substance and putting it all into Unreal Engine!

Reflection

I'm actually quite happy with it all so far.

Trying my best not to burn out with the project by taking breaks and off days.

Making fun stuff, not just all the filler stuff in order to complete a to-do list, is much better in terms of progress than remaking pipes for the 5th time.