#I refuse to write fanfiction for this musical

[squizstew]

NEW HYPERFIXATION UNLOCKED 🔥🔥🔥

Okay okay I know this musical has been on a rampage lately (especially in America) but I’m just so in love with this musical.

Now that I’ve listened to the entire 1998 Broadway soundtrack a total of three times, I can 100% understand how people are pissed about people romanticizing this musical. It’s mind boggling how someone could love this for the aesthetic, because the topic is quite scary and proof how history is a cycle.

I think I love this musical so much not just because of how fucking amazing the music is, but how i find it to be a coping mechanism due to the current political climate basically everywhere. It’s such a cautionary tale, and it captures the topic in such an amazing way. When you think it’s just a safe song it’s a sudden boom and realization of “oh shit”.

I’ve kinda been just ranting on about this musical but lots of people probably have no clue what I’m on about so I’ll explain the plot:

Basically, an American writer named Cliffford Bradshaw stumbles into the Kit Kat Klub in Berlin, Germany while looking for inspiration for his novel during post WW1 (1929-1930). Of course at that time, the Nazis are coming into power due to Germany being in significant financial debt and in the midst of a depression which is the most significant part of the story. There, he sees “the master of ceremonies” (or the host of the club), Emcee who’s quite quirky and strange, but has his moments of seriousness which is always a punch in the gut.

He meets Sally Bowls, and English girl who’s a very talented performer at the club. There, they form a romantic relationship. During the musical, the tone shifts from exciting and romantic to violent, as he learns that his first friend in Germany is an up and coming Nazi member, and an old lady and her fiancé become victims of an anti-Semitic hate crime.

Sally becomes pregnant, Cliff tries to convince Sally to come to America with him but she gets an abortion and encourages him to leave while she stays and abandons her chance to leave pre-WW2 Germany. She kinda realizes this and the second to last song “Cabaret” is her basically having a manic breakdown. At the end of the musical, Cliff leaves Germany, telling (what I think is probably a, like, helper of sorts for trains) that it isn’t very likely he will return.

Emcee, who throughout the entire musical is quite a bit more important than I’ve described him as, is transported to a concentration camp, where he kills himself by jumping into an electrical fence, which is represented at the end of the musical. At the end of the stage performance, he slowly (and suggestively in Emcee fashion) takes off his trench coat.

People probably expect something very different, but when he takes off his trench coat completely, he has a concentration camp uniform, with a yellow star (the badge for Jewish people), a pink triangle (the badge for homosexual men), and i think a red star or triangle which is supposed to be the badge for political enemy, if I’m correct. That’s when he sings his last lines, and the musical ends.

This musical made me feel things. It made me realize so many things. People who are most likely to become victims of these types of things are the people who are most likely to ignore or even support them. It’s a cautionary tale of the uprising of fascism, and how to avoid falling for it before it’s too late. I find it very scary that this musical is prominent now. Like I said in the beginning of this post, it shows how we love to repeat history.

I would say I’m sorry for my rant, but I am not at all sorry for it. Thanks for reading this all the way if you have. Consider listening to it in its entirety. It’s a great musical and people can benefit from learning from it.

[chaos-and-all]

headcanon: arthur and eames knew each other in the military and inevitably fell in whatever their definition of love is while they worked on the PASIV together (scandalous considering they were from different countries). of course, their project ends and they lose each other, what would this be without some angst?

arthur eventually leaves the military and devotes all his time to being cobb's right hand man while eames runs from his problems by becoming other people. arthur never so much as looks at another man the same way while eames takes any distraction to try and forget. neither tell a soul about each other.

then, they meet again during the inception heist. how on earth do they react? easy, these idiots simply ✨ don't ✨. yes, they both just...don't acknowledge it. cue the major UST throughout the movie, much to the delight and confusion of the rest of the crew. like, if arthur and eames are complete strangers, why do they know each other so well? why do they work together as an unit without having to ever exchange words? surely, it's not just them being good at their jobs of reading people? news flash: of course it isn't.

they have both lived as a thousand different people within a single lifetime. and yet, fate brings them back together? of course they eventually learn to open their hearts back to each other and love once more. but...it's secret, it's intimate. they keep their love to themselves, and shares it with no one else. does the crew figure out they're together? of course, they're not idiots. of course, there's guesses as to why they're so in sync with each other (ariadne is 100% convincef yusuf gave them love potions and cobb thinks he's just an amazing unintentional wingman). but do they ever know the truth of their past, of just how well they knew each other before this heist? absolutely not. speaking their story into existence for others isn't needed. they know and that's all that matters.

in the end, they find each other again. they learn to love and be loved again. they find their family, their people that'll stick with them through thick and thin. it's cheesy, it's mushy, it's angsty, it's their life. and of course, they adopt three cats once they finally settle down. what happy ending can they have without cats?

(this was possibly inspired by my love for the reunion trope with a secret shared past and by dress by taylor swift. I have many headcanons like this across many fandoms.)

[atlas-affogato]

*listening to any song about breaking up with a toxic ex* 

this is so Finn and Valmont core

[juustokaku]

Unzipped - Mingi x f!reader

Summary: Your new boyfriend Mingi wants to prove you he can be as sexy as San.

Genre: fluff, tries to be funny, jealous and insecure Mingi

Pairings: Mingi x f!reader

A/N: My best friend wanted me to write a fanfiction of Mingi, so I thought I'd share it here as well! Not that good, I wrote it in pretty short time, but at least my friend liked it <3 This has a brief mention of OnlyFans and flashers, but nobody in this is one!

Word count: 1 756

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Mingi might have not remembered to lock the door when he left his apartment, or to take the food out of the oven, or even pay for the groceries until there were guards running up to him; but those were all insignificant things in life. The important thing was you. Everything else was only useless information in his eyes, but he wouldn’t forget any little detail about you, even if he tried to. 

That’s why he had quite a peculiar outfit on.  

As Mingi checked himself out from the mirror, his mind was tangled in anxious thoughts. Would you like how he looked? Would you think he was your type now? Would you burst out laughing at him? 

At the possibility of you making fun of his outfit, he pulled the leather jacket a little more over his bare chest, feeling insecure. He wasn’t used to dressing this revealingly, but the echo of your words was still clear in the little memory bank of his head. 

“Wow, San looks so sexy,” was what you had said five months ago, when you saw a picture the said man had posted on his Instagram. 

In Mingi’s opinion, San’s pictures seemed like they would fit better on OnlyFans. Or maybe he was just a tad too jealous at you calling San sexy. 

Mingi had deluded himself into thinking your type was sensual men in little to no clothing. Although you had started dating him a few weeks ago, stubbornly, he refused to forget your comment about San and believe he, his unique self, was your type. 

He took off the jacket and flexed his biceps, which were prominent and good-looking, but cringed at himself, noting that San’s muscles were even bigger. Mingi’s plans of showing you, how hard he had worked to be your ideal type, went down the drain; how could he compete against San? 

You wouldn’t like if Mingi arrived to the mall with a discouraged and depressed look on his face, so to get into a more energetic and happy mood for you, he started dancing to the music playing on his speakers while his tight, black pants almost ripped around his butt. Yes, it was that big. His greatest weapon at beating San. 

“I am sexy. I am Y/N’s ideal type. I am better than San and everyone,” Mingi tried to manifest. If he could say those things out loud, it was possible they’d come true as well. 

Apparently, universe hated him, because the moment you saw Mingi, you gasped in horror instead of awe. 

“Mingi! It’s way too cold for you to be out here without a shirt!” 

It was late autumn. Colorful leaves had left the trees long time ago, turned brown on the ground, and given space for the freezing wind to make fools like Mingi, who wanted to impress their girlfriends, shiver. 

The man pouted at your words, “I’m not cold. I was at the gym before this so I still feel hot.” 

Mingi felt a little bad about lying; he was indeed very cold, and he definitely hadn’t been at the gym. Instead of lifting weights he had tried to lift his own spirits up at home. 

“Besides, I have a jacket on,” he continued. 

A little chuckle escaped your lips despite your worry for Mingi’s health, “Hun, that means nothing if you keep the jacket unzipped.” 

“I can take the jacket completely off and show you that I don’t get cold,” Mingi suggested, already starting to take off his garment. A little hope flickered inside his chest, that with this excuse he could show his upper body, and you’d fall head over heels for him. He just couldn’t accept that you already loved him, just as how he was. 

“No, don’t do that! You’ll get sick.” 

You pulled the jacket back on him, the tips of your warm fingers brushing against his cold chest. He may have been freezing but your touch warmed his body, especially cheeks, up instantly. 

He would have rather worn his light pink sweater that would have matched the blush on his cheeks but he had hoped to impress you. But now, he had only managed to impress you with how stupid he had been to go out without a shirt. 

“Come. Let’s go buy you a shirt,” you pulled on the sleeve of Mingi’s jacket, to make him follow you inside the mall you had been standing in front of. Some teenagers had been snickering at the lack of Mingi’s clothing while older people gave him dirty looks. 

Mingi couldn’t care less about other people’s reactions, but when you pulled on the sleeve instead of his hand, he felt devastated. He had known this would happen; you hated his outfit so much, that you didn’t want to touch him anymore! 

He followed you into his favorite clothing store, overjoyed that you remembered what he liked. The love he had for you was so big, that every little thing you did to remind him you loved him too, made him almost want to jump around. He couldn’t do that though or his pants would surely rip. 

“Look at this shirt! This would suit you well,” you took a shirt with a picture of a duck on it out of the clothes rack to show Mingi. 

The shirt was absolutely adorable, but the man just shook his head. Deep in his heart, he wanted to throw the shirt on his body and feel comfortable and warm again, but he was not going to lose to San’s overflowing sexiness you seemed to love so much. Ducks and other cute things would be long gone, when Mingi finally emerged as a butterfly of sultriness from his casing. 

“It’s not sexy enough.” 

You frowned at Mingi’s words, “Is something wrong? You have started dressing in sexy clothes out of the blue, risking your health at the process.” 

Mingi puffed out his chest, “I’ve become a man.” 

“You’re 25 years old. You’ve been a man for quite a long time already.” 

At every word you said, Mingi’s felt himself deflate a little. Couldn’t you see how sexy he was now? He started feeling even more insecure in his choice of outfit. His jacket looked cheap and was way too thin to keep him warm. The pants felt too tight, like the blood circulation on his legs had been cut off, making him dizzy. 

“Can we eat something? My head’s spinning.” 

Your eyes softened at his soft plead, and you agreed. 

But even inside the small cafe at the mall, his behavior was odd. 

Oh, how hard Mingi tried to charm you. He just needed the reassurance that you found him more attractive than San. Any compliment would be better than your total ignorance of his diligent attempts to get your attention. 

"Mingi, stop undressing.” 

Mingi felt like crying at your words. He had just tried to take his jacket off to reveal his chest to you. Thinking it was a good excuse to take the piece of clothing off politely, when he had to sit down, he had been proved wrong. If he got a tattoo of your face on his chest, would that make you want to see him? It would have been actually very romantic in Mingi’s mind. Carrying your beautiful face on his chest, like it was the greatest masterpiece known to man, would be an honor. 

“You’re acting like a flasher. There are children here, you know?” you spoke in a hushed tone. You were both still sitting at the cafe, and it would ruin the atmosphere for everyone if you declared Mingi’s weird actions to the whole world. 

“B-But I just wanted to show you I can be sexy too...” Mingi murmured, looking down in shame. He had completely embarrassed himself in front of everyone, not to speak of the awkward feelings he had definitely caused you. 

The moment of silence, that followed his words, made him just more convinced that you hated his guts. There was no way you wouldn’t leave him right there and then.  

Even your confused voice didn’t make Mingi to raise his head. He didn’t want to see the disgust in your eyes. You surely thought he was repulsive and worst of all – not as sexy as San. 

“What makes you think I don’t see you as that?” 

“Five months ago, you called San’s picture sexy,” Mingi sighed sadly, “But you haven’t called me sexy at all.” 

He was almost offended as you laughed. It was not a mean laugh, but he still felt ridiculed and confused, because he didn’t know if you were amused by the stupidity of his jealousy or the possible inaccuracy of his insecurities. 

“Hun, I thought it was obvious that I think of you as sexy.” 

Mingi raised his head hopefully when he heard your words. 

“You’re the sexiest when you’re comfortable and not on the brink of freezing to death, no matter what clothes you wear,” you assured him, looking straight into his eyes with an amount of love that almost scared Mingi. 

He found new confidence at your words. They excited him, making him suddenly feel like he was the most attractive man on Earth, beating San’s muscles effortlessly. If you thought he was good-looking then surely, he had to be. 

An arrogant look crossed Mingi’s face. The way his other eyebrow raised almost as high as his ego and he smirked made him look like the ultimate chad – which was not as sexy as he probably thought it would be. Nevertheless, you didn’t tell that to him. 

“What if I want to keep using these clothes? They make me feel pretty... scrumptious,” Mingi chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“The pants look nice. They accentuate your butt well,” you decided to ignore his prideful attitude which had suddenly emerged. At least, he was happy now, and that was what mattered the most to you. 

“Oh yeah? You like my butt? I’ll give you a 360 view!” 

As Mingi jumped up from the chair in excitement, ready to turn around and show his body and outfit in all their glory, a loud sound of fabric ripping reached your ears.  

It was the sound of his tight pants having given up. Mingi had hoped to charm you with a revealing outfit, but the new state of his outfit might have been too revealing, as his boxers greeted the outside world happily from the rip on his pants. 

“Do you still want to give me that 360?” 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Thank you for reading!

[bluemirrorangel]

dead poets' society modern(ish) headcanons

Most of these are school related because I'm going back to college next week. (most of these are things my friends or I have done.)

Todd:

 has definitely written fanfiction for his creative writing assignments in English.

definitely has a semi-popular poetry account on TikTok/tumblr

Enters his poetry/writing into competitions and stuff when he gets a little bit more confident 

Loved by the dinner ladies

Eats the most heinous food combinations like beacon and fish finger sandwiches, just the most questionable foods. 

Neil:

Has  walked into the set during a show because he  had to perform without his glasses.

His drama teacher's favourite student.

Most popular boy in the class

On the school newspaper 

Kissed Todd for the first time during the intermission of one of his plays and was so flustered after he almost missed his cue.

Charlie:

Banned from the library 

Ran against Cameron for school council/class president (they tied.)  

Him and Cameron actively hate each other but outright refuse to be separated from each other.

Has been kicked out of Assembly multiple times.

Music is his best subject

Banned from giving people dares in truth or dare

Cameron

Debate team captain

On the track team

The kid teachers sit bad students next to, in hopes they behave.

He was sat next to Charlie in every lesson in year nine  for that exact reason.

This quickly changed when Charlie started to influence Cameron instead of the other way round.

Goes to homework club.

Meeks

Almost flooded his bathroom after trying to see if he could  use oil to plug his sink.

Can’t swim but can hold his breath underwater for 2 minutes 

Hates sand

Taught himself and Pitts morse code.

Gets really competitive during kahoot

Loves halloween, plans his and Pitts duo costumes months in advance.

Pitts 

Freakishly good at table tennis

Can solve a rubix cube in under a minute

Top set for science 

Double jointed

Always being asked to help teachers get things because he's the  tallest in his year.

Terrible at Geography, like could not locate Canada on a map to save his life.

Knox 

Broke his arm doing a cartwheel for a dare.

Can’t tell the difference between admiration and romantic interest for the life of him 

Fully had a crush on Charlie in year ten but just thought he REALLY wanted to be his friend.

Plays football

He tried out   for rugby to impress Chris, it did NOT go well.

Gets detention for riding his bike to school without a helmet.

leave a ship or fandom suggestions and I’ll do headcanons for them if you want :)

[cheqorb]

Destined for Each Other.

Being the ever productive human you are, you download a cringey love calculator app for fun.

FEAT. Blue Lock ensemble

NOTES. wEorst feeling is when you want to write but can’t be bothered to, this has been sitting in my drafts for a HOT minute. small drabble before i die of heatstroke, enjoy

You’re lounging on your couch, aimlessly scrolling through your phone when you stumble upon the greatest app you’ve ever seen. Like, this must’ve been the reason why the internet was created. Your entire life was for this one thing. The name alone, Love-o-meter 2000, sounds like it was invented by a 13 year old writing fanfiction for the first time.

But hey, you’re bored and there’s something about the heart emojis, pink sparkles and the promise of ‘definitive proof of true love’ that speaks to you on a personal level. Maybe this is why people think you’re an easy target for scammers.

You download it — disregarding basic internet safety 101 of not downloading shit from suspicious websites — and the app’s interface is exactly what you’d expect: glittery, over the top with a soundtrack of what can only be described as weirdly romantic elevator music. Okay, so, enter your and your darling’s name and the Love-o-meter will calculate your love score (and possibly decide the fate of your relationship).

Pure, unadulterated pseudoscience.

It’s perfect, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and it’s definitely not bordering on insanity.

You send a quick text to your beloved partner who’s literally just in the other room informing them of your very smart decision. The message is ambiguous, designed to intrigue or confuse them as the evil mastermind you are. “Going to a fortune teller to see if we’re destined to be together. Let you know how it goes xx.”

────

Rolling their eyes and sighing like the single mothers they are. Just what the hell have you got planned this time? They’ve been a victim of your schemes for the past few (what feels like) decades you’ve been together and are skeptical any time you message them out of the blue. Do they really want to know? Absolutely not and they refuse to engage in whatever witchcraft you’re trying to achieve.

Option one, they leave you on read.

Option two, they send a text with "Whatever you say, babe" for their own safety.

Rin, Sae, Post WC! Kunigami, Kaiser

Chigiri, Barou, Karasu, Raichi

────

Confusion flickers across their face as they stare at the text for a minute. They debate on sending a message asking what you even mean by that, but delete it at the last second. Is it worth the risk? No. So they opt for the safe, more loving response because they adore you enough to deal with all this. Ignoring the fact that you’re both at home, they text back, "Oh okay, you have fun with that. Love you :)"

Be careful with some of these people though; if their overthinking habits kick in, they’ll start to panic over if you’re (hypothetically) unhappy with the relationship.

Isagi, Pre-WC! Kunigami, Hiori, Nanase, Kurona, Niko

Reo, Ness, Tokimitsu

────

Immediately curious when they see the message and out of excitement, rush over to the room you’re in. They plop themselves down beside you, squishing their body against yours whilst peering over your shoulder to look at your phone. You can’t just say something like that and expect them not to want in on it! The pair of you are like kids at a sleepover for the first time with no adult supervision.

"If it doesn’t show up with 100%, this app is a scam and we refuse to listen to its lies, okay?" they add on, because as much as believing in this type of nonsense is fun; they don’t really feel like losing their partner today.

Bachira, Shidou, Aryu, Lorenzo, Charles

────

At a loss on what to do and (whether out of general inexperience with these types of things or sheer laziness) send a lacklustre "k" before putting their phone down to finish something else. Well, if it predicts something really awful, then they’ll…figure it out when the time comes. With you helping, of course.

Nagi, Gagamaru, Otoya

────

You type in your name first then pause to think (unheard of). Do you use their full name or some obscure nickname you gave them that one night which somehow stuck? Like, would it mess up the results? If you’re truly meant for each other, it shouldn’t matter. “Eh, better play it safe. Full name it is.”

You hit the heart-shaped submit button and wait eagerly. The screen flashes and you got…

Almost dropping your phone, you audibly gasp as you stare at the percentage. Four percent?! Okay, you might disagree with each other on some things but certainly not so much to be described as ‘Completely Incompatible’!

Obviously, you’re flabbergasted and the stupid thing has the audacity to play sad trombone music as you read through the description.

“You should think over this relationship a bit more. Maybe you didn’t notice the signs that were there through your rose-coloured glasses, but don’t give up on love entirely, there are plenty of fish in the sea!”

You have to stop yourself from shedding a tear and how on earth could you confess this to your beloved? They may not have taken you seriously the first time but suddenly texting them (or saying), “Yeah, this isn’t going to work between us </3 I’m sorry…” is sure to give them a scare. Cue them immediately responding and asking questions. Do you not love them anymore? Is it something they did?

…did you seriously go to a fortune teller?

Feeling kinda guilty for worrying them, you then send them a screenshot of the result/show them on your phone in person.

────

More annoyed at you if anything, don’t scare them like that again. Especially not over a result of a game, and they tell you as much. Some of them are actually a little bitter over it though, because, who does this app think it is? You are soulmates and even if you’re annoying sometimes (most of the time), you’re still theirs.

Post WC! Kunigami, Barou, Raichi, Rin, Sae, Karasu, Kaiser

────

Laugh it off but secretly thanking whatever gods blessed them because those few minutes of silence, just blankly looking at your text message were possibly the worst minutes they’ve ever been through. Genuinely had to get up and go to you in person to see if this was another one of your jokes or if you were being serious — with you, it’s hard to tell.

Isagi, Reo, Hiori, Nanase, Kurona, Niko, Lorenzo, Otoya

────

Cry, chuck their phone to the floor, and basically slam the door open to see you. Tears are streaming down their face before they even say a word. You’re not leaving right? Don’t you love them? Please don’t end everything here…Oh it’s just an app?

Still, they’re not forgiving you (lie) for that stunt unless you reassure them that you love them and would never leave them.

Ness, Tokimitsu

────

Gasp, out of shock more than anything. Most of them are the ones who came to you in the beginning — meaning they know exactly what you were doing — but it doesn’t matter to them. Disregarding what they said before, they take full offence to the result. They’re already prepared to leave 156 bad reviews on it just for this act of treason. Or they just get pouty for a bit until you comfort them.

Bachira, Shidou, Aryu, Charles

────

Didn’t get what you were trying to do to begin with, and maybe still don’t, but they’re glad you’re not actually breaking up with them! It’s barely noticeable unless you watch them like a hawk, but they make the effort to spend more time with you afterwards. They’re not too sure why themselves, thinking it just feels right.

Nagi, Gagamaru

[valkyriex]

"Always with you"

PAIRING: Jill Valentine x fem!reader

WARNINGS: Fluff and angst

WORD COUNT: 1.5K+

DESCRIPTION: After leaving Raccoon City for work, you receive shocking news from Jill Valentine after days of silence, urging you to meet her.

AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first time writing fanfiction, I hope its good

September 26th, 1998, twilight. You were driving your car through the almost empty highway, raindrops hitting the windshield in a steady, hypnotic rhythm. The wipers struggled, barely keeping up with the heavy rain, each swipe leaving streaks of water that blurred your vision. They squeaked slightly, their worn-out rubber scraping against the glass, making it clear that they hadn't been replaced in a long time. "I really have to replace them," you murmured to yourself, the thought lingering in your mind.

Inside the car, the smell of stale coffee hung in the air, mingling with the faint scent of wet fabric from the umbrella tossed carelessly onto the passenger seat. The dashboard lights glowed a dull orange, casting a warm hue on your hands gripping the steering wheel. The soft hum of the engine was accompanied by the sound of music quietly playing through the radio—your favorite cassette, the one your girlfriend, Jill, made for you. Each song felt like she was there with you. Her presence somehow visible in the song's lyrics.

As you drove, your thoughts drifted back to why you were even on this lonely road. You had been forced to leave Raccoon City for a job that felt more like a necessity than a choice. It wasnt very far: an hour-long drive, and the offer to move for a work project was something you couldn't refuse. Your heart was heavy with worry for Jill. Ever since her last mission in the Arklay Mountains, she had been plagued by nightmares that haunted her every night. You felt like you were the only one who could comfort her—and it was true.

In just a few days, you both were supposed to leave Raccoon City and take a flight to Europe. Jill was determined to join her friend, Chris Redfield, and continue her search for evidence to take down Umbrella once and for all. While you knew you couldn’t help her with the mission, she needed your presence, your touch, and your reassuring words—and you needed hers just as much.

Few days after that, the radios and news were ablaze with reports of a strange pandemic. You and Jill had seen enough to know that the media often twisted the truth, which only deepened your worry for her. After everything she’d told you about the horrors of the Spencer Mansion, you feared that what was happening was far worse than a pandemic—so much worse. And you were right. Days turned into a blur as you tried to contact Jill, but each attempt was met with silence. You couldn’t even focus on your job anymore, consumed by anxiety.

Finally, at the beginning of October, she called. Raccoon City had been nuked, and she needed to tell you everything that had happened—but only if you came to her. She was staying in an old hotel not far from where you were, and without a second thought, you jumped into your car and drove there immediately. As you pulled into the nearly empty parking lot of the hotel, a mix of relief and anxiety washed over you. You were finally going to see her again. The building was tall, its brick exterior a mix of worn patches and faded paint, but it still exuded a certain charm. The sign above the entrance, though a bit weathered, glowed softly in the evening light, inviting weary travelers inside. As you stepped into the lobby, the air was filled with the faint scent of old wood and cleaning supplies. The reception desk, manned by a friendly clerk, stood proudly in the center, while mismatched furniture created a cozy, if slightly dated, atmosphere. Soft music played in the background, and the walls were adorned with photographs and knick-knacks that added character to the space.

"Room 128," she told you. You made your way there and knocked, the sound of your fingers hitting the door echoing through the quiet corridor. When Jill opened it, you immediately wrapped your arms around her, and she clung to you just as tightly, seeking comfort in your embrace.

“Jill, I was so worried about you. The media was saying—” you started, but she silenced you with a kiss, soft yet desperate, as if to convey all her unspoken fears. As you pulled away, you looked into her eyes—the same ones you fell in love with the first time you gazed into them. But now, they seemed heavy with sorrow. You could feel her pain radiating from her, and it made your heart ache. You were ready to listen to her every word.

“Let’s go out to the balcony,” she suggested. As you stepped outside, a cool breeze enveloped you, ruffling Jill’s hair and filling your lungs with the crisp night air. You leaned against the railing, taking in the breathtaking view of the forest silhouetted against the setting sun, the vibrant colors fading into shades of twilight. The beauty of the moment was almost surreal, a stark contrast to the turmoil in your hearts.

Jill took a deep breath, her voice trembling as she spoke. “This... thing... it’s been hunting me, and I’ve lost so many people.” She paused, her gaze falling to the ground before meeting your eyes again. Her hand reached yours. “But at least... you’re here.” Her hand felt cold in yours, and you squeezed it tightly, wanting to share your warmth with her. “Always, Jill. Always for you,” you promised, your voice steady but filled with emotion.

“I just want to end Umbrella, you know? So no one will ever have to live through that nightmare again.” She looked at you, her vulnerability shining through. You settled next to her, resting your head on her shoulder, feeling the weight of her burden. “So… you’re joining Redfield in Europe?” you asked softly, and she nodded, a mix of determination and weariness in her expression.

As she recounted everything that had happened in Raccoon City, the weight of her words hung in the air. You could see the exhaustion etched into her features, the toll that the last weeks had taken on her. After the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in deep hues of indigo, both of you eventually retreated inside, curling up together in the bed.

“Whatever you decide, I’m with you,” you whispered gently, wanting her to know she wasn’t alone in this fight. A soft smile spread across her face. “I know,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper, before taking your hand and placing a tender kiss on it. As she drifted into sleep, you watched her calm features, finally at peace for the first time in a long while. Feeling the weight of the moment settle around you, your own eyes grew heavy, and you surrendered to sleep beside her, comforted by the connection you shared.

But a few hours later, you felt Jill stir beside you, her breathing uneven as she woke from a troubled dream. You turned to her, immediately sensing her distress. “Jill, hey, it’s okay. I’m here,” you murmured, reaching out to gently stroke her hair, grounding her in the moment.

She blinked slowly, her gaze finding yours, and for a moment, you could see the remnants of her nightmares flickering behind her eyes. “I… I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

“Don’t be. You don’t have to apologize for anything. Just tell me what you need,” you said, pulling her closer, wanting to shield her from the darkness that lingered.

With a shaky breath, she started to share the fragments of her nightmare, but as the shadows of fear loomed, you gently shifted the conversation. “Remember that time we got caught in the rain on our way back from that movie? You were so mad at me for forgetting the umbrella, but we ended up laughing so hard when we arrived soaked to the bone?”

A small smile broke through Jill’s anxious expression, and she chuckled softly. “How could I forget? You said we looked like a couple of drowned rats.”

“And we definitely did.” you added, joining in her laughter. “And you insisted on making hot cocoa when we got home, but we both ended up burning our tongues because we were too eager to drink it.”

Jill’s laughter filled the room, and for that moment, it felt as if the weight of the world had lifted just a little. “I think you were the one who was too eager!” she retorted, her eyes sparkling with laughter.

“Okay, I’ll admit I may have gotten a bit too excited, but who can blame me? You make everything better,” you replied, squeezing her hand and leaning in to kiss her forehead.

The two of you spent the rest of the night sharing stories of silly moments from your relationship, from the time you both dressed up in ridiculous costumes for Halloween to the day you attempted to cook dinner together, resulting in a kitchen disaster. Each memory was a thread, weaving warmth into the fabric of the night and allowing you both to escape the harsh reality that awaited.

Eventually, Jill’s laughter subsided into soft breaths, and you felt her relax against you, finally finding solace in your embrace. As you both drifted back into sleep, the shadows that haunted her dreams began to fade, replaced by the light of your shared memories, bringing a sense of peace to your restless hearts.

[jasonsthighholsters]

I am suffering from a horrendous case of too-many-WIPs paralysis

and feel I need help narrowing down what I should work on right now. Synopses for each are below the poll, and any opinions or encouragement would be so, so appreciated

Portrait of a Lady On Fire AU

is really historical fantasy inspired by the movie, because womanhood, gender roles, and oppression are so central to the actual story. Kyle, an accomplished painter and teacher, is commissioned by aristocrat Bruce Wayne to paint a portrait of his son, Jay. When Kyle arrives at the Wayne’s estate, it is revealed to him that Jay has refused to sit for portraits with numerous other painters out of protest of his arranged engagement. Kyle must pose as a companion for Jay, while painting the portrait intended for his fiancé in secret. This arrangement is complicated when Kyle and Jay begin to develop affection for each other.

The Jason-centric Music Character Study

explores the idea of Jason as a musician and a performer, primarily through the headcanon of Talia teaching a catatonic Jason to play the piano by placing her hands over his on a keyboard as an attempt to get a non-fighting reaction out of him while he was with the League. Then, Talia asks him if he remembers this while they’re meeting during Jason’s world tour of Talia stalling him with teachers, and Talia suggests he should attempt to play again, as a way to improve hand coordination or something. This fic will also include allusions/flashbacks to theater kid Jason Todd and the idea that he participated in school theatre before his death, because that headcanon is very dear to me.

The Autopsy Scar Fic

is a much darker Jason Todd & Dick Grayson emotional hurt/comfort fic exploring the idea of Jason having a Y-incision scar because he harmed himself in that pattern. Canon is deeply inconsistent about the autopsy scar. We know from Jason talking to Artemis in Red Hood: Outlaw #50 that the Lazarus Pit removed all of Jason's scars, not to mention that it is unlikely Jason actually had an autopsy, despite having a death certificate. Yet, Jason is occasionally drawn with the scar, and its existence remains a popular headcanon and discussion. This WIP is Jason and Dick having this discussion from an in-universe perspective, answering with the headcanon that Jason harmed himself by giving himself a Y-incision, and was healed quickly by an increased healing factor from the Lazarus Pit.

Social Media Pride-and-Prejudice Crack Fic

is an abomination that came to me in a dream. Jason and Kyle's rivalry, post-Countdown, makes it to Twitter, where their bickering garners significant attention from civilians and heroes, picking up on the palpable homoerotic undertones (because no, Jason, telling Kyle that "it is unfortunate his face is so pretty that no one has ever decked him in it" is not really an insult.) Jason's affinity for Austen is revealed to the public through their tweets at each other. This, by some catastrophic series of events, prompts some denizen of the internet to write "HoodLantern Pride and Prejudice fanfiction," in which the Bats are the Bennets, with Batman as Mrs. Bennet. Jason, in a sage decision, reads it and decides to tell Twitter that, if they WERE in a Pride and Prejudice fanfiction, Kyle should so obviously be Lizzie, and he would be Mr. Darcy. This was apparently the wrong response, and mocking ensues.

5+1 Complaining Fic

Five times Jason or Kyle complain about the other to Donna, and one time they can't bring themselves to complain. This fic features crime-solving, Broadway soundtracks, and the kind of manga that is plastic-wrapped in the store.

5+1 Flirting Fic

Five times someone flirts with Kyle (or worse, and more likely, Kyle is flirting with someone else), and one time someone flirts with Jason. This fic features cannolis, handsome purple aliens, and one Donna Troy, who deserves a long, sunny vacation away from deeply jealous, pining heroes.

[nartml]

To Pimp a Butterfly and 1989: a rant

Listen here, three things about me are that I'm a) white as snow, b) Greek, c) still a minor.

What does this mean? It means that I obviously wasn't raised with hip-hop, and I got into Kendrick Lamar's music pretty late.

As in, early this year.

I've known of him for some time, and the moment I found out he had a Pulitzer prize at some point in late-ish 2023, I decided I had to sit my ass down and pull out Spotify.

Now, as an avid reader of both fanfiction (ao3 raised me) and books [I feel the immense need to clarify that I don't associate myself with mainstream booktok. Capitalism's consumerism has overrun that shit and all I see are the same 20 books being recycled and recommended (a substantial amount of those are Colleen Hoover and her variants). Tropes and spice* are officially the defining factors of whether a book is worth it (*your porn addiction ain't cute) and quantity is heavily prioritized at the expense of quality. Also, diversity who?], I was, for a lack of a better word, hyped.

A Pulitzer prize is nothing to scoff at in general, more so in music, more so in hip-hop.

(Edit: Upon quick reflection, I realize that putting emphasis on hip-hop can come across as coded.

I am in no way, shape, or form trying to undermine hip-hop or say that it's somehow less 'sophisticated' than, for example, classical music. I'm very aware of the amount of skill and technique one needs to write a masterful hip-hop album, and I'm not doubting that there are hip-hop artists out there who are also incredibly deserving of such a prize. I meant it in the sense that I've unfortunately never heard of another hip-hop artist who won a Pulitzer before, which is quite telling.)

That's some huge shit, and I'd be a fool not to be intrigued.

Admittedly, I didn't get on that immediately. For a while I procrastinated, because I wasn't in the mood to hyper-fixate on anything new just yet.

Which of course meant I ended up forgetting about it for a few months, because of course I did.

But then I came across a TikTok that talked about how it was insane that '1989' won the Grammy when To Pimp a Butterfly was right there.

Now, a fourth thing about me is that I don't fuck with Taylor Swift.

And a fifth thing about me is that I'm not baseless in anything that I do, say or feel, and that includes annoyance.

Her immature understanding of activism and feminism leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The way she built up her fan base around this portrayal of her as a relatable girl's girl, her refusal to accept criticism, and always making a victim out of herself (even now when she's in her thirties and is a fucking billionaire) while never using her position of power and privilege for good are all reasons that serve to fuel my dispassionate dislike.

And before any Swifties get on my ass, no, I don't think that "But she's a singer! Why are you expecting so much out of her, she isn't even qualified to speak on XYZ—" is a good enough excuse.

She has always been rich, and now she's a billionaire. There are no ethical billionaires, and that includes her.

Fame is influence is power. Uncle Ben said it all: With great power comes great responsibility.

And let me tell you, I don't see her owning up to that responsibility, especially after all that talk about how she supports women, supports the LGBTQ community, and supports the BLM movement. Has she ever actually put her abundant money where her mouth is?

I've never seen her speak about anything that doesn't immediately concern her.

Don't get me wrong. She's not the only celebrity like this out there. I'm sure there are worse cases. I know it for a fact.

To wrap this segment up before I get even more sidetracked, I'll outright state that I don't hate her, because hating her would by definition mean that I, in some way, actually care about her, and that just sounds exhausting.

Best way to describe me is indifferent, leaning towards distasteful.

She's annoying.

And that's how I feel about both her as a person and her as an artist.

I'm not denying her talent, nor her impact on the industry, nor the fact that she does have good songs that even I like.

A select few, of course, but still.

Apart from those...what? Ten songs? I have never, ever been able to listen to any other song of her's all the way through.

I get bored. They do nothing for me. They sound empty. Hollow. Plastic. Repetitive.

Her lyrics, that are praised by fans for being deep and complex, sound pretty surface level to me.

Not all of them. But I'm a sucker for analysis. A literature nerd. Greek is my native language. I can tell when something's deep and when something wants to be deep.

(Not necessarily including Folklore and Evermore in that category. Her storytelling ability is actually great.)

Her music largely sounds like it wants to be deep.

Most recent example being her latest release, The Tortured Poets Department.

Anyway, back to Kendrick.

My initial plan was to listen to 'DAMN.' first, because that's what he won the Pulitzer for in the first place.

There was a change of plans after that TikTok.

I decided to compare the opening tacks.

I put on Welcome to New York, and predictably, I felt nothing.

The rhythm is dance-y, I suppose. But there's nothing substantial about it. There's nothing exciting about it.

The lyrics are juvenile, and I get it, it's a pop song and she was in her twenties.

Nobody is expecting Shakespeare (no matter how much you scream or kick your feet, the only reason Shakespeare couldn't write Taylor Swift is because he's in another league entirely) or Odysseus Elytis. Nobody is expecting mind-blowing lyricism.

But it's the opening track to an apparently Grammy-worthy album. The very least I'd expect from it would be some additional levels of artistry.

Am I being harsh? Probably. Do I care? No.

Disappointed but unsurprised, I put on Wesley's Theory.

I ascended within the first minute.

Don't get it twisted, I barely understood shit.

Not only am I white, I am also entirely removed from America and its culture as a whole. I don't know what's going on there in y'all's daily lives.

And this was baby's first proper introduction to hip-hop as a whole.

My untrained, white-ass ear barely caught two references. I got what the gist of the song was about, and that's about it.

I had to look up analyses of the track to fully grasp what Kendrick was on about, and even then, there was obviously still a disconnect.

And I expected all of that.

I didn't expect to get hooked on that song within the first listen.

I swear to fuck, the beat is addictive. I swear to fuck, even when I was fighting to understand what the lyrics were referencing, I was having the time of my life.

Even I, an amateur in every sense of the word, could tell that there was depth and there was quality and there was intentional meaning in every line of that song.

It didn't matter that I couldn't understand it. It mattered that I knew it was there. Not because someone told me that was the case. But because it was audible.

I listened to the next track. And the one after that. And the one after that. I had listened to all of the tracks, before I knew it.

And the evident permeance of quality, of substance, carried on throughout the whole album.

It had exactly the type of lyricism I'd expect a Grammy-worthy album to have. It had exactly the amount of artistry I expected a Grammy-worthy album to have.

Even better, it had all the ingredients I expected a timeless album to have.

The poetry Taylor Swift fans insist hides in her discography, I found in plain sight within Kendrick Lamar's.

After meticulously reading the lyrics, I watched video essay after video essay, searched for analysis after analysis on this album, each time understanding the meanings behind it a little better.

Needless to say that the Grammy's are rigged and I love Kendrick Lamar.

Hip-hop is gorgeous.

[rainbowmothed]

︵︵ MISC. HAZBIN HOTEL HEADCANONS

╰ ⋯ ➢ just some random hcs i thought of off the top of my head!! ♡ as always, reblogs and likes appreciated! includes both main cast and heaven hcs. :3

𝜚 ₎ MAIN CAST HCS

Vaggie says stuff like “rad,” “dude,” etcetera unironically and definitely gets made fun of for it. Mostly by Cherri and Angel– Pentious says it is ‘hashtag trending awesome sauce.’

Vaggie sets 6 alarms in the morning, all with custom minute intervals between the snooze alarms to make SURE she doesn't sleep through it. Charlie doesn't mind, though, mainly because she wakes up at four in the morning to work on projects anyway.

Charlie has made playlists for everyone in the hotel on hell's equivalent of spotify; Vaggie's is the most well thought out, but they all describe them very well. Alastor never listens to it due to his dislike for modern technology/apps, but he appreciates it– or at least acts like he does– nonetheless.

Charlie definitely rides on Alastor's shoulders like a little kid bro IDC WHAT U SAY

Vaggie has cried ONCE in front of the rest of the hotel after being genuinely dogged on repeatedly on one of the worst days of her life, and they all just stared at her in shock. They hate on her so much because it never impacts her– or so they think so, because Vaggie always shrugs it off. They refuse to talk about it.

Vaggie's spice tolerance is unmatched.

Each night, Charlie visits Pentious’ memorial and wraps a weighted blanket around it, saying that maybe it'd remind him of the Egg Bois and the way they snuggled around him in the afterlife.

Vaggie is a huge Hunger Games fan. 90% of her personality derives from Katniss Everdeen.

Adding onto the last one, if Charlie and Vaggie were to have a child, I feel like it'd have the personality of Lucy Gray Baird.

Niffty definitely writes strange fanfiction. Also has BL as her header on the Hell's equivalent of Twitter. She's a little twisted, but we love her.

Cherri is an absolute menace. That is the best word to describe her.

Angel and Cherri did the “screaming in public restrooms” prank once.

Everyone assumed Charlie was mid-20s until she dropped the bomb that she's over 200 years old. They were all flabbergasted (minus Vaggie, who already knew. Angel also called her a “gilf lover.”)

Angel asked Vaggie about her body count once to tick her off, and she answered “around 1,000 or so, roughly estimated,” thinking he meant kill count. Charlie was shook.

Vaggie is a Paramore, Flyleaf, Evanescence, etcetera fan. Proud listener to 2000s emo girl music.

Charlie's guilty pleasure is punk/metal/rock music. She says she only listens to “Taylor Swift and musicals,” but she has a hidden playlist with KORN, PTV, and all of those bands on it.

Angel wakes Husk up by blasting Ayesha Erotica songs into his ear occasionally since Husk is a heavy sleeper and refuses to get up sometimes.

Pentious calls himself a “semi-proud father of the Egg Bois.”

Charlie ran a hate page about Katie Killjoy. She has since moved on from it... probably.

𝜚 ₎ HEAVEN HCS

Vaggie definitely played about 100 sports back in Heaven. Fencing, soccer, and, bare with me here, she definitely did ballet. She refuses to admit so, however.

The exorcists actually aren't brought into the world as adults. Instead, they're raised by volunteer parents of Heaven their entire lives, starting fighting training at age 6 or so. They claim that “children's brains are easier to mold.” Basically, they're taught to be murder weapons from a very, very young age. It's also instinctive, but it's the training that truly brings it out.

Each exterminator is based on a different bird breed, but the most common are eagles, falcons, hawks, and generally predatory avians.

The Exterminators are also very fast flyers, and they establish the quickest flyers through racing. Vaggie was formerly the fastest until she was cast down to Hell. Now, the fastest is Lute.

Adam also referees these races, and instead of a gun or whistle to start them off, he uses his guitar.

[tvchi]

TVCHIVERSE: Where Fandoms Collide and Stories Ignite

Hello All. This is the formal landing page of an amalgam of daydreams, fantasies, and imitations brought to you in story/fanfiction form.

Few ground rules.

Please talk back! If you like anything I've written, have a few questions about what may happen next, or even have a few suggestions on what you would like to see, PLEASE LIKE, REBLOG, and COMMENT!!! Your feedback helps me write when I don't feel like it, helps me know what specifically you liked about that particular story, and it helps me get an energy boost.

Please be respectful. I don't walk into your house and open your fridge, go through your mail, or answer your phones. Don't come in here, especially in the comments, bullying, criticizing (not critiquing), or just being mean-spirited overall. I will delete your comments and block you.

Please, don't steal. Not only is stealing ugly, but it's also beneath you. I don't mind people drawing information from my work. However, taking my work and direct concepts of it and passing it off as your own is stealing. That will get you called out and then blocked. With that being said: Do not copy or repost my work. Do not use my work to train AI.

Please be mindful. This is ADULT content ONLY. Minors, new adults, and young adults may be depicted, but this content is for ADULTS ONLY. 18+. Please head the trigger warnings attached to the beginning of each post. Please do not ignore those, it's impolite. We're are very mindful, very demure around here.

Please be patient. While it is an ultimate goal of mine, writing IS NOT my day job. My job is very demanding and high-stakes, and when I'm not doing that, I love to be outside drawing from real-life experiences, reading, or watching TV/Flim. While I am open to requests, please try and respect the turnaround time I have to put these stories out as well as the other ideas I've had. I chose to create this page to showcase my work and push myself to write almost every day. This is supposed to be fun, NOT stressful. I reserve the right to refuse, deny, or allow myself ample time regarding requests. So please... Don't piss me off.

Now that that is out of the way. I definitely want to give some shout outs to people who had encouraged me to write. Again many thanks to @megamindsecretlair , @thecapodomme , and @vivalaorgasm . Love yall. I'm back writing again cuz a writer writes. But I've never felt rushed or pushed by yall. Just nothing but encouragement, good vibes, and great inspo. Also shout out to the entire #TerryRichmondFanfaction #RebelRidgeFanction for waking your girl up. Especially @megamindsecretlair , @hotgrlcece, @sweettea-and-honeybutter !!!

OK....now I don't just write. Like many of you, I have many hobbies some of which include: Reading, Music/Music History, TV/Flim, Photography, and Fashion. So some of my tags are:

#TVCHIVERSE - the universe where all of my fanfictions live. I will also be posting my short prose and poetry here as well.

#TVCHIsTunes - When I write, I usually write to music. My Spotify is riddled with so many playlists and mixes that I should honestly go to DJ school already. Anyway, I'll share tunes that I've been obsessed with here. #TVCHIsRunway - where fashion and fashion history live. Archival posts get reblogged. Occasional showcase some of my own fits and style. #TVCHIsLibrary - Posting and reblogging some great books that I've read as well as great Fanfics I’ve come across on here. May even do some reviews. Also will be posting some things from my TBR to see whether yall have read it or not and your thoughts about it before I read. (No spoilers, if you can avoid it) #TVCHIsTV - I ultimately want to become a screenwriter yall. For real. I hope to learn from all forms of media, and the easiest for me to start out with is poetry, prose, and novels. However, I do want to be in the writers' rooms. So, with this tag, I'll post my favorite TV shows and films, speak about why I like them, and dissect plot, narratives, and scriptwriting.

#TVCHIsGallery - This tag will be me reblogging or posting art that I think is gorgeous regardless of the subject matter.

#JustTVCHI- Sheer randomness

Alright. Down to the goood shit! As I continue to write, I will be updating this landing page to include all the one-off fics/stories as well as the series that I create. I'm in the process of starting two different series at the same time, resuming another, and writing one-off stories. There's A LOT going on. Be on the look out.

The Rhythm of You: Aldis

Echoes of Intrigue: Prt 1

Echoes of Intrigue: Prt 2

Veiled Intentions: The Hunt, 1 Veiled Intentions: The Hunt, 2 Veiled Intentions: The Hunt, 3 Veiled Intentions: Adrian

The Challenge: About Loss The Challenge: About Him The Challenge: About a Challenge

My story is simple...

Anxiety

Fighting Flowers

Perceiving Genuine

Take This Cup

Unititled

Salvage The Bones- Essay

Instructions on how to get on the tag list

Thank you all in advance for welcoming me into fandom and holding space for me here. I hope to build community with each and every one of you. Please expect me under your content as well.

[thevoidstaredback]

I'm still waiting on a live action version of Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

It needs to be done before Michael J. Fox (Voice of Milo)(hope I spelled his name right) dies so that he can cameo in it or else I don't want it at all.

I offer myself to direct or write or act. The problems, though, are that there's no way Disney would listen to me, let alone hire me on. Also, my only directing experience is a single act show for Theatre Comp. my senior year, and that stressed me out very much. My only acting experience is on a live stage with only two speaking roles since I was 10, and they were all school shows (minus choir. I have sung on TV before, but that was in a group of 100). My tech experience is even shorter only officially existing through my junior and senior years of hs. My only writing experience is all fanfiction, minus about 30 monologues (only 2 of which I'm really proud of) I wrote through high school.

I still offer myself up, but I have no idea what I am doing. Casting, music, writing, casting, directing, funding, etc.

If it's to be done as a live action, it has to be done right. I refuse to have Live Action Atlantis: The Lost Empire be anything less than perfect (though, as long as it does better than literally any of Disney's most recent live action attempts, I'll be happy)

[hollandsfavbabe]

Where Do We Go Now

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

synopsis: in which the death of y/n's father leaves her determined to bring him back and her boyfriend peter determined to save her

warnings: endgame aftermath, death, parental loss, isolation, suicide attempt (but magical?), it gets better - I promise

word count: 7.1k

masterlist

a/n: Hey guys. This is going to be a bit longer than my usual notes, but I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long and why this story is a lot sadder than my usual ones. My community has been riddled with tragedy recently as we've lost a lot of people to suicide this past year, some of which have been as young as middle school age. One of my friends died by suicide a couple months ago. I can't express to you guys how hard it's been trying to deal with the pain and the guilt his death has caused me and my loved ones. So many days have passed where I wish I could've been a better friend for him while he was here. It hurts more knowing that other people are hurting too. Writing this was the best way for me to cope for many reasons. I wanted to write about how I'm feeling and honor my friend in some way even if it's through a silly little fanfiction. I know I'm late, but I also wanted to honor one of my favorite characters, Tony Stark as he canonically died this past October. That being said, if you are struggling please, I implore you, talk to someone. There are so many people on this planet who would be so torn without you. My dms are always a safe space if you need anything at all <3

Also I'd like to thank Gracie Abrams for her music that I had on repeat the entire time I was writing this. I hope you like it!

“I am Iron Man.”

The words replayed in your head, over and over like a broken record with no one to turn it to a new tune. That’s exactly how you felt. So alone in your grief that even if miraculously every wish you'd ever made in the whole of your existence had been granted, it still wouldn’t be enough to make you happy again. To make you feel anything besides the constant regret and incessant grief that anchored you down as you wasted away in your bed.

It had been exactly a week since the passing of the great Tony Stark. Everyone else in the compound had mourned their coworker, riddled by a somewhat lesser version of your sadness for only a few days after his death. It’s not as if their grief had been washed away as if it never stained their cheeks with tears or weighed down their hearts with sorrow, but it eased much quicker than yours and before long they could continue their duties. Everything was so much harder for you because Tony hadn’t just been a coworker. He was your father.

You relieved every memory you had of him like bittersweet torture. You remembered when he held you as a little girl, wiping up a bloodied knee. When he discovered you had powers and helped you control them. Later on when he banned you from joining in on the Avenger’s Civil War and afterwards when he thanked you for sneaking in to help anyway. You could almost feel his comforting embrace as if it was only yesterday that he was assuring you before a failed battle against the mad Titan Thanos, the same one that left you dusted and missing your father’s last five years on Earth. And finally, of course, you remember his last moments all too well. It played out before you like the tragic ending of a stage play. 

“Let me do it,” you shouted over the sound of war cries and carnage that surrounded you on the packed battlefield. “I can take it!”

You were almost certain that your power, your immeasurable magic, could handle the debilitating strength of the Infinity Stones making you the most reasonable choice for snapping Thanos and his army out of existence, but your father refused to risk losing his eldest.

“No,” he breathed, the metal plate shielding his chest rising and falling from the heat of the action. There was only one way to succeed, only one way to put a stop to the destruction of the universe. It had to be him. “I won’t risk losing you, not while you’re still so young. You have so much life ahead of you.”

“Not without you!” you cried, a tear streaming from your eye.

There wasn’t much time for your conversation as the world was moments away from being wiped of its human history, but despite the odds your father pulled you into a tight hug, as if he knew it would be the last. You both did.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’m so proud of what you’ve become already.” he smiled when you finally pulled apart.

“I need you dad,” you sobbed, still reluctant to let him leave you. With the threat of his death, suddenly Thanos’ defeat didn’t matter anymore. Not nearly as much as having your father by your side. “I’m not ready.”

Your dad looked down on you with the saddest of smiles, but if any part of him was upset about his decision, he made no other hint toward it. He just held you close for as long as possible and comforted you in the way that you could always count on him for. In the way, it hit you, that you could never count on him for again. But yet, in the face of death, he cradled you close and spoke in his signature fatherly tone: assertive yet on the edge of softness.

“No one’s ever ready -,” he answered truthfully. “- but I know you can handle it. You always do.”

You looked up at him as he finally pulled away and headed towards the purple giant, but not before turning to you for one final declaration.

“I love you, junior, to the edge and back again.”

And then he was gone. You never got the chance to say it back.

Yours was the last name he uttered before his heart stopped beating and the light on his suit went out. By then Pepper had already said her goodbyes and you both were huddled close to his body, weeping as the other Avengers knelt around you in honor of your father. Peter was hunched behind you, one hand on your shoulder while the other worked to wipe away his own tears. Oh Peter, you had your father to thank for him.

It was Tony who was credited with setting you up with your long term boyfriend, Peter Parker, even if it was a complete accident. You two had gotten acquainted on a fateful plane ride to Germany and eventually ended up together after many failed attempts at confessing your feelings. There was something about him that had you smitten with him from your first encounter, your liking only strengthened when you learned that your father approved. He’d been with you through thick and thin and even now, Peter was the only person who could even remotely share your pain besides Pepper. Tony was like his father too.

He’d taken care of you ever since the incident. Brought you food and water, helped you dress in your black attire for the funeral, laid with you in your bed each night to calm you whenever you awoke in a nightmarish terror. He showed his love for you prevailing over his grief in the most selfless of ways and yet all you had managed to do since you father’s funeral was stand to use the restroom every once in a while. It piled on more weight that your poor soul could already take. You were nothing, but a miserable burden now.

The door to your room opened with squealing hinges as Peter stepped in, returning from school where he had spent the morning reuniting with your shared friends and finding out when the official return date was. You were supposed to join him, but instead you hadn’t moved an inch since he left. It wasn’t as if you wanted to waste the entire day in your lonely sheets again. You yearned for everything to go back to how it was; when Peter was happy and you could share it with him. When your father used to smile upon the two teens he didn’t mean to bring together. When your father was alive.

“Hey,” he said, softly as if not to startle you from your endless torturous pondering. He set something down on your dresser, a small stack of papers he must have gathered from the school, and removed his fall coat before sauntering over to you. The bed creaked and shifted under his weight as he took a seat next to you. “Good news, we don’t have to go back until the next semester so we get a break until January. Ned was asking about you. He wants to know how you’re doing.”

You turned your head to look at him, your eyes red-rimmed from all of your crying and your lips cracked and dry.

“What did you tell him?” you croaked, your voice hoarse from under use. There was little to talk about and no one else to talk to whenever Peter wasn’t around. Pepper had visited you once, but with Morgan to look after, she couldn’t spare much time for her late husband’s grieving daughter. You’d seen Happy a couple times as well, but he needed his own time to recover and reflect on his past time with his best friend.

Peter was gentle as he tucked some of the hair strands snot cemented to your jaw behind your ear and cupped your cheek in his palm. He was cold from the autumn chill outside, but his hand ignited the same soothing heat that his touch always brought forth.

“I said you were recovering,” he answered truthfully. “And that it’s different for everyone. And no matter how long it takes, I’m here for you every step of the way.”

The ghost of a smile graced your lips and had it not felt like it stopped beating after losing your father, your heart may have fluttered in its cavity in your chest.

“Thanks Peter,” you curled closer to him in the most sincere of ways. “But I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before I can get up to see Ned again. Give him my best.”

“Take your time. I’m sure he understands.” Peter assured before pulling off his flannel and laying down beside you to wrap you in his arms, allowing you to tuck your face in his chest. As unhappy as you were, all the swirling emotions of suffering were always suppressed by the sound of Peter’s heart and the feel of his body around yours. You stayed like that for a while, holding each other before Peter broke the silence as it neared time for your midday meal.

“I think you should come with me today,” Peter suggested, rising to run his daily lunch retrieval before running a loving hand through your hair. You couldn’t understand how he hadn’t gotten sick of you yet. You hadn’t been able to wash in over a week. “It’s not good for you to stay here all day long. You need to start moving.”

His voice was full of worry, though he wasn’t overbearing. He wanted the best for you, it’s all he ever wanted really.

“I don’t know Peter, I don’t think I can.” you sighed as tears started to fill your eyes again. How could anyone stand to be around you when you were being so pathetic. You wished there was a way to erase your pain, anything to bring you to your normal self again.

“It's okay baby,” Peter hugged you into a tight embrace, kissing your tears as they fell in slow salty streams. “I know it hurts, I feel it too. But I read somewhere that the best thing to do is keep a consistent routine. Maybe you should start today. Come get lunch with me.”

You wanted to agree, but there was no part of you that could move from the weight of your grief. It pressed you down, gravity multiplied by the mass of your sadness as it consumed you. It felt as if only a miracle could save you now.

“I’m so sorry.” you stated with remorse, but Peter made no move to share his disappointment if he had any at all. Instead he leaned down from his seated position and placed his lips on your forehead, a gesture as if to say that all was alright.

“Please don’t cry, y/n. It’s okay.” he assured you before standing to leave and get you something that you figured you probably wouldn’t even eat very much of.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, turning the handle of your door to leave before looking back at you sprawled on your bed. Suddenly, as if he had recalled the cure to the rainiest of days, he expression shifted to one of great excitement as he stopped back into your room.

“I almost forgot,” he began. “Doctor Strange was here earlier. He wanted me to tell you he’s offering some meditation sessions for you if you’re interested. He said they’d be good for your powers and that they might help you feel better if you want to think about it. He’s free at 8 tomorrow.”

You nearly perked up at the sound of the man’s name, picking up your head to cast a last longing glance at Peter as he waited for a parting word.

“Thanks,” you managed. “I’ll let you know.”

And off Peter went to get you both something to eat.

You weren’t sure if he knew how dangerous it was for you to be left with your thoughts, how the mention of the magic doctor sprouted a myriad of mystical ideas all aimed at the same goal that would erase your eternal lonesome aching. How to bring your father back. By the time Peter returned with his hands full of two homemade sandwiches and more sweets than the two of you could ever finish in one sitting, your mind had been made up and you were ready to set the plan in motion.

The following evening was your first time out of the confines of your rooms for days. Peter had helped you greatly with all the tasks you did not have the mental power to do all on your own. He had brushed your hair and made your bed and before you left in one of the less expensive cars held on Avenger’s campus, he sent you off adorned with one of his favorite sweatshirts, a peck on the forehead and enough I love you’s to last more than a lifetime.

You pulled the sleeve of Peter’s sweatshirt over your palm as you drove off, using the cloth to wipe away fresh tears that had fallen after you left your boyfriend’s loving gaze. You’d always been an overthinker, but your bad habits crept up on you worse in your unbreakable stage of sadness. Especially in your father’s favorite car.

You didn’t understand why he hadn’t left you already. Maybe he would. Peter had offered to join you at Strange’s, but after you insisted you had to go alone, he made plans to go help his Aunt May figure out their apartment situation as the pair had been inadvertently kicked out after being gone for so many years. You’d almost forgotten he used to split his nights between the compound and his own bedroom. Recently he’d only stay with you.

He promised to be back before dinner so that the two of you could keep up your progress, but an unsolicited voice within you convinced you that he wouldn’t want to return. You weren’t good enough for him anymore, not like you used to be. Your plan was better for the both of you and as you pulled up to the familiar building on Bleecker Street, all the pieces started to fall into place.

You stepped up to the door, raising your fist to knock only for the door to crack open by itself as if to invite you in. You waited for the familiar sternness of Doctor Strange’s voice to greet you once you were past the stone floored foyer, but only wisps of the autumn breeze caught your ear. 

“Strange?” you called, your voice still not stable enough to be louder than a whispery dialogue. You were met with no response. It was just like you had planned. The wizard wasn’t home.

You felt a strong tug towards the room of your desires, the forbidden library. It was as if fate was leading you or some other force from above, another sign that you were meant to do it.

Your steps were more sure than they had been in days as you made your way to the self, passing any magical fire walls with the sheer unfiltered strength of your powers. Strange once told you that they were guided by your emotion, the quintessential essence of every magic holder even to people like you and Wanda Maximoff who were outside of his world protecting wizard cult. It was easier than it should have been, like slicing paper with a katana, you broke each enchantment until all that was left was the cool leather cover of the book you were looking for. The book with every answer you needed inside its ancient yellowing pages, but you only needed the spell that would revive your father. Locating it near the middle of the book, your tore out the page and turned back to your car, leaving the Sanctum with the same unhurried pace you had entered it with. There was no stopping you now.

Peter was only an half an hour late for your agreed meet up time when he arrived at the campus. He expected you’d be in your room as per usual and as he made his way to your door, the excitement of getting to hold you and talk about your first day out of the campus since the funeral built up in his chest. He wasn’t sure if any accomplishment in the world could make him as proud as he was of you. With two brown paper bags of groceries in his hand, he couldn’t wait to shower you in the affection that you deserved with all of your favorite snacks, enough to share of course.

“Y/n,” he smiled, using his webbing to open your door handle only to find, much to his disappointment, that you were nowhere to be found.

He checked all over campus, leaving the bags by your bed. No one had seen you since you’d left and the spot where the car you’d taken was still empty, the normally pristine concrete covered in fallen crisp maroon leaves. It didn’t make any sense. Where could you possibly have gone?

“Y/n!” he called, circling the perimeter of the campus looking for you. There was still no sign of your reappearance. “Y/n- oh. Hi Ms. Maximoff.” Peter forced a strained smile as he nearly bumped into the woman.

“Peter, we’ve been over this,” Wanda answered, her voice calm. “You can call me Wanda.”

Like you, the witch hadn’t been doing the best in recent days as she had lost something just as valuable as a father: her partner. While she occasionally had days where the ground would’ve been lucky to feel the grace of her step, her superhero duties had kept her from spending each day hidden from society. She had a different way of coping, but like others, she seemed to start getting back into routine again.

“Right, sorry Wanda.” Peter apologized.

“What are you doing out here?” inquired the witch in her native Sokovian accent, always intuitive. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s y/n. I can’t find her anywhere and we agreed to meet back here nearly - an hour ago!” Peter pulled up his coat sleeve to check the time on his watch, the face of which bore a picture of him and your father from only a few months before the snap. It had been a birthday gift, one of his favorites in fact, though it couldn't top what you had given him the same year: a lego set and your first kiss.

“I didn’t know that she got out of bed. That’s a big step!” 

“Yes it is and we were going to celebrate tonight, but she hasn’t come back yet which is really not like her.” worried Peter.

“Where did she go?”

“Strange’s. He was going to give her a meditation lesson for her powers.”

Confused, Wanda's eyebrow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t she know how to use them already?”

“Yes, but he thought it would help her manage her grief. Working out is a pretty common method, but she hates going to the gym so he figured some meditation would be better for her and -“

“Wait, hold on. Did she go to him this morning?”

“Yes and she was supposed to be back around noon, but it’s nearly six and she’s still gone.” Peter explained.

“Peter!” Wanda chided. She couldn't believe he could make such a grave mistake.

“What?”

“Strange hasn’t been at the Sanctum all day!”

“What?! Where is he?”

“Do I look like a wizard to you?" the witch gestured to her casual leggings and cardigan pairing that drastically differed from Strange's usual eccentric costumes. "How should I know?”

As if summoned by the topic of conversation, a figure appeared in the distant grass, hovering over the blades until he was close enough to be able to walk. His cape that flowed in the breeze like a blood red stream with a mind of its own was a dead give away. Doctor Strange had indeed arrived in the flesh.

“Parker,” he greeted, though he did not smile. “Is Ms. Stark ready for our lesson?”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake.

“Oh no.” he muttered, shaking his head in defeat. He was met with confusion from the wizard.

“No?” Strange repeated. “We agreed upon 8 didn't we? I know I'm a little early, but I assumed she wouldn't be busy. Didn’t you let her know I was coming?”

“Yes,” Peter confirmed. “I told her to be ready and then I sent her off to your place at 8… am.”

“What?!” Strange exclaimed as he summoned a portal to appear leading directly to his found home on Bleecker Street. He stepped through the fiery ring, a silent invitation for the others to follow as he hurried passed your car, up the steps, and into the door which did not part of him the same way it had earlier. Inside he was met with the most frightful of discovers accompanied by the looming feeling of doom as the situation became clear.

The Sanctum, unguarded with his absence, lay littered with books that had fallen from their homes on his shelf’s yet one stood out from all the others. It laid on the floor open with its pages to the ground while every other book was shut. Levitating it with the simple flick of his wrist, a horrifying sight awaited Strange as he turned it over. One of the pages in the sacred book was missing.

“Do you know how serious this is?!” Strange exclaimed and although Peter at first took it as a barbed criticism aimed directly at him, he was able to distinguish Strange’s tone from when he was reprimanding. This was a separate kind of worry, the sort of tone that he had used heavily on the fated spaceship you three had been stuck in until you landed on Titan, Thanos’ home world, nearly five years ago. Treachery was afoot and if your powers were involved, the whole fabric of your current reality could change.

“Which one did she take?” Wanda pointed to the book, clearly noticing the giant tear in its center.

Strange’s voice answered, heavy with concern. “The revival spell.”

“You don’t think she knows, do you? She can’t possibly know how to conjure it.” asked Wanda, the same concern for their future written all over her face.

“That’s exactly what I think.” Strange confirmed.

“What?” Peter asked. “What are you guys talking about?”

“There are many types of magic, Parker, and the Sanctum, the building where you sent your girlfriend, is full of all of them, good and bad alike. Every spell comes with a price, the bigger the spell, the bigger the price and the spell she took comes with one of the biggest prices there is to pay.”

“Think about it, Peter,” Wanda paled. “What does y/n want most in the world right now?”

It hit Peter harder than fresh fallen hail. You were going to try to bring your father back.

“We have to find her. Now.”

Strange tried to use his sling ring to appear wherever you were, but in your grief, the extent of your powers had grown massively. Intentionally or not, you managed to prevent even the most powerful of wizards from using his Sling Ring to access your location.

“She's blocked me out.” Strange frowned. “We’re going to have to track her on foot.”

“She can’t be far,” Peter agreed. “She always takes the shortest path whenever she wants something.” It was one of the many things he loved about you: your ability to turn any taxing task into something much simpler. You were one of the cleverest people he knew. He just hoped it didn’t work in your favor this time.

It was Wanda who had the idea of tracking your magic. She led them to the nearest withering woodland area, where trees with bare branches and dying leaves sprawled endlessly. It was the perfect place to perform dark magic, away from the unyielding eyes of society. The trio didn’t hesitate to run in.

The further they got, the closer you felt especially to Peter despite the fact that he was the only one without his own source of magic. If he lost you tonight, he feared he’d never feel any sort of magic ever again.

They were only half an acre in when Wanda and Strange called out in anguish, the witch falling to her knees while Strange stayed standing, pounding the air with his fist as his trying to break through an invisible barrier though it was to no avail. Whatever was holding him back, it wasn’t fading anytime soon.

“Keep going, Parker!” he shouted, urging Peter forward. “You’re the only one who can stop her. The spell will only allow that which she loves.”

“How do I do it?” Peter shouted. “How do I stop the spell?”

“The page,” Wanda replied, quicker than Strange could as his reply was easy for her to access. “You have to tear it apart.”

Without wasting a second more, Peter sprung back towards where he could feel you, running without fatigue as his superhuman endurance supplied him with plenty of energy.

It was only a minute later that he caught his first sign of you. There was a break in the tree line out of which a bright amber glow poured like an incandescent warning. It was a dramatic contrast from the normal comforting emerald greens of your magic, but it was you nonetheless and Peter didn’t stop until he was so close he had to shade his eyes from the light.

If it weren’t for the dark nature of what you were doing, Peter would’ve considered it one of the most beautiful events he’d ever seen take place. He wasn’t sure if the circle of trees that surrounded you had been a natural formation or one you made for the sake of the spell, but he was sure the way they seemed to bend to your will, despite the hard wood of their birch trunks, had to be because of your power. In the center of it all was you and the page you had stolen atop a pile of purple and golden leaves. You stood before it, eyes closed as you whispered some sort of incantation. Your powers spread above you in orange flickering flames as you outstretched your arms and summoned what looked like the beginnings of a portal, though it was hard to peer through like a bride covered in a veil of night black.

Peter shouted your name, screaming for you to stop, but you didn’t so much as flinch as the portal grew. You couldn’t hear him over the force of your will. He could start to feel what Wanda and Strange were trapped behind. There was some sort of invisible wall that threatened to push him back from you, but he couldn’t be defeated. He had to stop you. Step by step, he got closer and closer to you, watching in horror as your body was lifted from the ground and floated in midair. A new energy started weeping through the fabric that covered your chest, soft and white like a sheer glittering fabric. It drifted towards the portal and as Peter neared you he could make out the outline of a face forming from it in the black center of it. It started to take shape, growing a neck and a body and becoming more concrete than a fragmented part of your energy. He became more unmistakable as the color grew back into his face. Tony Stark, in the flesh. Peter hurried towards the page.

You opened your eyes to gaze into the face of your father, tears flowing down your face partially from the exhaustion of bringing him back and from being able to see him again.

You tried to say something, tell him how much you had missed him, but you were left rendered without a voice. Your words came out as mouthed nonsense, though it seemed he had regained his voice.

“Y/n,” he uttered, though it seemed more like a warning than a greeting after being torn from you for so long.

You mouthed something you knew he’d understand. I love you too, dad.

Some other force called your name, but you ignored it. You couldn’t focus on anything else, but the father you had lost regaining life right in front of you. With every part that he gained, you felt a part of your fade. It wasn’t painful, more numbing than anything like the final dose to end all your sadness. You couldn’t help but relish in it. You were bringing back one of the greatest men to ever live.

You were so distracted, you missed the web that landed on the page below you and pulled it away.

“Y/n,” your dad said again, nearly having enough of one of his legs to step out of the portal when suddenly, the inky blackness swallowed him whole again and dissolved in the forest light, taking back the only thing you ever wanted.

“NO!” you cried as your voice returned to you and you fell back down to the dry grass and dead leaves, crumpled on the forest floor as all of the magic you had summoned faded away save for the glittering cloud that returned to your chest with such force it made you cough. You had failed.

“Y/n!” someone called and you shuddered away from their hand on your shoulder as loud sobs erupted from you. 

“Leave me!” you begged. “Just leave!” Peter refused to leave your side, tossing behind him the page he had shredded into tiny scraps of paper as he knelt beside you, careful not to touch you again. “Why did you have to do that? Why did you take him from me?”

“You were going to die! I couldn’t let you di-“

“I WANTED TO DIE!”

Peter froze as you whimpered, the truth spreading above the both of you in the cold air like storm clouds as you cried to him.

“I want him back. Everyone wants him back. No one cares about his depressed daughter and I don’t want to hurt anymore, Peter.” you paused to take a deep breath. “It- it hurts so much.” you could barely get the words out as you were choked by your sobs. “It hurts knowing I could’ve saved him. It hurts knowing it should’ve been me that snapped those stupid stones. And I don’t want to live with that anymore. I had to try to bring him back for the world. It needs him more than it needs me.”

You brought a hand to your face, wiping away some of your tears, though it was no use as more came pouring out.

“I need you.” uttered Peter, looking into your glossy eyes. The sight of your tears and the echo of your screams couldn’t deter him from you. You can’t be repelled from the ones that you love.

“But you miss him, don’t you,” you argued as hot tears coated your face. “You want him back too.”

Peter nodded in agreement.

“I think about him everyday. Our moments together. Like this one time he saved me from drowning in a lake. Or-“ Peter grinned. “- remember when he caught us making out that one time before we told him we were together. He was so mad.” Peter smiled to himself, looking fondly on the memory until he began again.

“I miss him so much and it makes me so sad that I'll never see him again. But I wouldn’t trade you for him. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. You’re worth more to me than anyone else in the universe.”

Your sobs slowed yet the tears did not cease as they still cascaded down your face.

“It hurts me so much.” you restated.

Peter opened his arms. “May I?” he asked. You nodded and before you knew it, you were engulfed by a warmth unlike any other as Peter hugged you tight enough to make sure you wouldn’t try to leave him again.

“I know you do,” he related. "And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could just bag all your pain and throw it all away. But it doesn't work like that. It's going to hurt. It's going to be painful, so much so that you won't move from bed for days and days. You haven't." 

"But I feel like everyone else has already moved on. Why can't I?" you shivered.

"No one else was as close to him as you. Everyone else lost a friend. You lost a father. There's a big difference. You can't expect yourself to move on from it. That's not healthy. It's just like I said, I'm here for you no matter how long it takes. You have to take your time with it, don’t rush the process." Peter pressed the lightest of kisses to one of your dampened cheeks.

"I just don't know what to do."

"Breathe."

As silly as it sounded in its simplicity you did as he instructed and inhaled deeply, allowing the air to coat your lungs that hadn’t been exposed to so much fresh air in a week. As you exhaled, you let out another sob in his arms, but somehow it felt better than all the others. You were not rid of your pain by any means and sadness still corroded your core, but for the first time in so long, you didn’t feel so hopeless. Peter placed another gentle kiss on your cheek, encouraging you as you took several more slow breaths and quiet cries until you found the strength to speak again.

“Was it like this for you when your parents died?” you wondered aloud as you pulled away from Peter to look into his chocolate brown eyes that you almost forgot you loved so much, yet not so far that he couldn't keep his arms around your frame that was still bearing his sweatshirt. You hadn’t spoken much about them before and while you weren’t sure where the question had arisen from, it felt like the right thing to ask.

“I was so young when they passed, sometimes I feel like they were never mine to begin with,” he admitted. “I took a couple days off school when it happened, but I don’t remember crying all that much. It’s tragic and sometimes it makes me sad that they’re gone, but I’m glad that it does. It’s a reminder that they were there for me in the first place, that I knew them enough to miss them. The grief is proof that I loved them while they were here.”

You were both silent for a moment as you thought about his words in relation to your situation. All your pain was put into perspective. Everything you had been through since he died, all the days you wasted away in bed, it was all the proof that you had loved him so much when he was alive and that you were still carrying the love you had left for him. You missed your father so much you were willing to die to get him back and for a moment, you almost did.

You parted from Peter’s arms to stand though you still grasped onto his hands as you weren’t strong enough to be upright on your own. You closed your eyes again and listened to the sound of the forest, the swaying of the leaves that still clung to their branches, the faint twittering of birds, and the calm of the sky that was oddly cloudless for autumn. The sound of your name falling from your father’s reformed lips was still faint in the air and for a moment you felt as though you were with him again.

You remembered when he taught you how to ride a bike one evening when you were only four. You remembered the day he pulled you from public school and started teaching you at home. You remembered the look of shock on his face when you showed him your powers for the first time and even more, you remember his pride when you completed your first mission with the Avengers (that he'd approved ahead of time to avoid any more Germany -like surprises). He wasn’t there, but at the same time he was everywhere. And you missed him, but at the same time the absence he left in your life felt less empty.

The tears came out in slow smooth streams, flowing down in slow trickles as you finally sat back down. You didn’t say anything and neither did Peter, but you knew he could feel what you felt. He could feel your father too and minutes slipped by as you sat and cried together.

There was a sudden rustling in the distance and soon enough, Doctor Strange and Wanda had arrived at the scene, no longer held back by invisible barriers. They rushed to you bringing flooding guilt through your system as you began to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m so sorry.”

Strange opened his mouth to speak, but he had nothing to say. You could tell by his expression that he was disappointed, but there was more to it. He had empathy.

It was Wanda that leaned down to place a friendly hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s get you home.”

The months following were some of the hardest of your life. Every battle you faced was uphill, but you no longer felt like you were fighting alone. You started going out again, first to visit Pepper and your half sister Morgan who lived in their cabin home. Peter joined you of course, but he played with Morgan for the most part while you and Pepper talked. You cried with her, but you laughed a lot too. She shared with you so many of her own memories, times when your father didn't know what to get you for your birthday, when he had managed to mess up cooking dinner in the strangest of ways, and when he’d accidentally burned your favorite stuffed animal in the drying machine all of which Pepper had to remedy. Though she hadn’t raised you, she was the mother you never had and through her stories you learned that your father had been just as good raising Morgan with her as he had been with you.

You hung out with Ned and MJ again shortly after that. While Peter had suggested a brief check-in at a cafe so you could go home quickly to rest, you surprised him with a much more time consuming idea: laser tag. The four of you had the best time targeting each other, you winning more rounds than any of the others. You ended the day with smoothies, talking as you drank and making plans for the next time you would all see each other. MJ made you promise you would text her if you ever needed anything and Ned gave you a whole plate of his Lola’s ensaymadas, your favorite dish of hers.

Finally, though he was locked up in his house and avoiding humanity, you visited Happy. Peter offered to join you like all the other times, but you assured him it would be best if he stayed home, promising you would return later. Happy was in a similar state of dismay to you when you saw him and while he was able to care for himself and continue with his personal routine, you could tell he was hurting.

You didn't say much when you first entered his apartment, but there was comfort within the silence. You sat with him on his sofa and watched whatever mind numbing program he had turned on to distract his thoughts until you had both worked up an appetite for lunch. It was there, in the middle of a random Burger King in Queens over a plate of cheeseburgers that you both broke down. You told him what you had nearly done, trusting him with the sensitive information as he was almost a second father to you. You took your time telling him the story of how you had nearly died to bring back your father.

Happy cried as you did and when you were finished, he told you how much you meant to him. He traded your story for one from your father after he returned from Afghanistan where he had famously been kidnapped.

"You could tell he was shaken," Happy began. "He told me he wasn't scared to die, but he was scared of losing time with you and leaving you alone. Pepper and I had been so busy trying to get him back, he was worried you had been neglected while he was gone. But when he came home and he saw your room clean, your toys put away, and a fridge full of leftovers from meals you prepared yourself, he was so proud. You inspired him to turn his life around. It was after that he told me that he knew you'd be okay if he was taken from us one day."

You both cried after that.

Long after you had finished your food, Happy drove you to the Parker's new apartment with the promise that he would be okay too, eventually. He also admitted that he was starting to develop quite the liking for your faithful boyfriend after hearing all that he had done for you, though he’d skin you alive if you ever told Peter.

It was that night in Peter's new bedroom that you knew you’d be okay. It still hurt to think of your father and you knew you’d never entirely recover and that the pain would never fully leave you, but there was a certain comfort in it now. You knew Peter felt it too as he snuggled half asleep into your side, his arm slung around your body in a protective manner, but also to keep from falling of the twin bed you shared as he let you sleep on the side with the wall. There were still days when you didn’t want to leave your bed, but there were also days when you felt more elated than ever. You could feel your father in those moments the most, like the shine of his smile took form in the light from the sun. You couldn’t see him nor could you speak with him, but you knew he wasn’t really gone. It was love that kept him around. And it was the love you carried for him that would suspend you for lifetimes, through light and dark until the end of time.

“I hope this grief stays with me because its all the unexpressed love” - Andrew Garfield 💙

[booksandabeer]

A Man Takes His Sadness Down to the River (The Consolation of Philosophy) (E | 150 K)

To celebrate the completion of the fourth & final part Lost Vocabularies that Might Express (The Memory of These Broken Impressions) in this wonderful series by dorian_burberrycanary.

Author's summary: The worst of times, like the best, are always passing away. How’s that for some consolation on the road? A post-The Falcon and The Winter Soldier Stucky fix-it as part of the all-American road trip, detours included.

Follow Steve and Bucky on their Great American Road Trip as they drive and eat their way across the country and beyond. From the beaches of the Jersey Shore to the graveyards of Savannah, from the cragged horizons of Mexico to deserts with (small) volcanoes, from college campuses to earthship settlements, from the mountains of Colorado to the monumental emptiness of the Great Plains and on and on and on…there is always more road ahead.

A Man Takes... is a miracle of a series that works with what should be an unworkable premise: Steve really did leave to go live in the past. He returned a few months later, yes, but he still made that choice. Knowingly. So, how can any author, any story, rectify such a colossal mistake, and how can it be reconciled with a believable, satisfying romance that short-changes neither Steve nor Bucky? Like this. With patience, and care, and often painful honesty. Just like Steve, this story slowly digs itself out from under the burden of that terrible decision.

I know that some people are very reluctant or even outright refuse to read EG-compliant fics and I understand why this might be a tough sell for them. Believe me, I do. But this series manages to neither let Steve off the hook for his choices nor does it punish him excessively. Instead, Steve and the readers are repeatedly confronted with the fact that there are no magical solutions here, no take-backs—it’s a fix-it, yes, and very much a Stucky fic through and through, but it’s not a fix-it fantasy where in the end everything turns out to have been an unfortunate misunderstanding after all. What's done is done and the only way out is through. But. even if you usually prefer to ignore anything that happened post-[insert preferred point of canon divergence here], please, please try to give this absolute marvel of a series a chance. It is genuinely one of the most rewarding and satisfying works I've ever read in this fandom. It's catharsis in slow motion.

You will find descriptive writing here that is so incredibly beautiful that it will bring you to your knees in awe. This series transcends fanfiction in many ways, as it stands out for the remarkable quality of the prose and the nuance, subtlety, and precision with which it explores both the emotional landscapes of its protagonists and a fictionalized, yet very recognizable post-Snap America. At the same time, it could only ever work as fanfiction because it stays so close to the characters and is so deeply rooted in and filtered through Steve’s inner life and perspective. Just like the real Steve Rogers, this story is smart and curious, and deeply empathetic towards its characters and the world they inhabit.

Every detail is imbued with meaning. The food Steve and Bucky eat. The clothes they wear. The art they look at. The books they read. The music they listen to. The places they stay at. The landscapes they drive through and the objects they carry with them or acquire along the way. One doesn't need to understand or even notice all of the references, allusions, or ambiguities to enjoy the series, but it makes for such a rewarding reading experience to really dig deep into the many, many layers the author has so expertly assembled into this phenomenally rich text. More often than not in this fic, the curtains aren’t just blue. Or rather, Bucky’s sweatpants aren’t just gray.

At some point amidst this sprawling, reflective journey, a bittersweet realization sets in: There simply is no compensation for the time and life lost, for the pain suffered. No money, no medals or statues, no hagiographies, and certainly no delusional pipe dreams forcibly made real, will ever make up for all that loss. You can't outrun your past, but that doesn't mean you should bury yourself in it. And maybe, solace can be found in mutual understanding, not just between these two men, but in interactions, in shared community—however fleeting—with ordinary people doing ordinary things in their ordinary lives. And in the beauty of the mundane and the relief that there still is a world in which such beauty can exist, even though it is so often a cruel and unjust place. Steve Rogers finally allows himself to feel his feelings: his grief and his shame, but also his joy and—even though he’s already so very tired—his hunger for more. More time, more life, more Bucky.

This series is a wonderful tribute to Steven Grant Rogers—an honest and affectionate portrayal of this compelling and lovable, if at times difficult, character. It is also a gorgeous, intricate love letter to the miracle of a man that is James Buchanan Barnes. As you can probably tell by now, I love it a totally not normal amount.

A most heartfelt thank you to @burberrycanary for taking us all along on Steve and Bucky's long journey across America and (back) to each other. Thank you for letting us sit in the back seat and watch as they learn to love and live with each other in old and new ways, finally find some measure of well-deserved rest and peace, and, together, face their greatest challenge, their longest fight, the eternal question:

How to live with all this survival?

[pencilgutz]

[Please click for better quality]

Sooooo I discovered some AUs after being inactive for a while

First up for Twin,

The Monster Lab AU by @etanow !!!!!

More info under the cut!!!

Lore IG

Tw1n (aka Twin) is made from a variety of metal Jax stole from around the Lab. Tw1n is unable to speak due to a incident with Jax and his voice box, and can now only play music to portray his mood and what he's feeling. For example if he's happy he may play some cheery happy song, but if he's angry or just overwhelmed he may just go static, or play some screamo, though static is more common. He does attempt to write though he doesn't have paper on him often. He doesn't have great balance due to the different types of metal and is prone to falling. He has several indents on his back because of this.

His right eye used to be cyan, though due to some... Unforseen events, he lost his eye, along with the ability to move his right arm at all. Yes it hurts, but he can't do anything about it because he knows little about himself because Jax refused to show him the blueprints. Jax is the only one who can fix him. And he refuses to go back.

RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!

Pomni- Tw1n tends to have sympathy and is often kinder towards Jax's experiments (or any kind for that matter) and Pomni was quite nice to him from the little interaction they have had despite her clearly being somewhat on edge because of his appearance, and his somewhat inability to respond.

Caine- Though back when he was under full control of Jax, he viewed Caine in a neutral light, he thought what Jax though. If Jax didn't like Caine, he didn't like Caine. But now that Tw1n is on his own, He doesn't like Caine very much, due to him humoring Jax and letting him experiment in innocent souls. Though its not pure unfiltered hatred like towards Jax.

Ragatha- Similar to Pomni, he is kinder and finds her to be lovely to be around. He often looks up to Ragatha despite them not being close. He admires her ability to maintain a positive outlook despite it being somewhat in vain. He finds her goal to escape quite ambitious..but he finds it interesting as well...he would love to escape and get away from both what he helped with and his...creator

Jax- Despite having created him, Tw1n has a extreme hatred towards him, and the fact he was blindly told these experiments were "humane" and "completely safe" despite them being the furthest from that. He was under complete control of Jax, like a mindless...object until he was harmed gravely himself by Jax. Before the incident and realization he looked up to Jax, wanting to do experiments like him, often following him around like a puppy. He never wants to see his creator's stupid smug face again, but its difficult considering he sees that stupid purple rabbits handiwork in the mirror each morning. He wants nothing more than to watch Jax crash and burn at his feet, however he refuses to stoop down to Jax's level again. Never again. He's a curious soul, and it's coded into him. That's not the case anymore. He's still highly curious yes, but ashamed of what he has done and has sworn off experiments all together because of Jax.

Gangle- One of the only ones Tw1n views as an actual close friend. Despite him not being able to talk, him and Gangle get along quite well, due to their shared love of Fanfiction and written works (As well as writing said fanfiction). How they first met is a mystery. Gangle is able to tell what he's trying to say or what is mood is easier than the others due to them being close friends.

Kinger- He hasn't talked to Kinger often, usually due to the clay golem freaking out because of his (often silent) appearances. Though Gangle talks fondly of him, Tw1n has decided to not form a opinion on him yet. Though it is leaning toward the positive side.

Bubble- It's bubble. What else can he say? Its...its just Bubble.

Zooble- Tw1n finds them to be somewhat of a friend. Key word Somewhat. He finds Zooble to be somewhat cold to him, but he admires their protection over Gangle, and their snake leg is quite interesting to him. He's highly curious about them and their powers, however he won't ask, due to him being intimidated.

Himself- It's complicated. He loves the fact he's alive, he loves the fact he is his own person now, but he's haunted and ashamed of the fact he helped Jax for the longest time. It's that stupid rabbit's fault he is even ALIVE. And it both infuriates him and hurts him beyond what his hard drive can comprehend. He takes drastic measures to never see Jax, including letting his injuries to neglected to avoid that stupid yellow smile. He wants nothing more than to be able to open up his chest cavity and move his components into a new body he made for himself, but due to not having the key Jax holds onto, he can't. He is his own person and he KNOWS that, however this body that was created for him isn't.

Tw1n views himself as both his own worst enemy and his very best friend.

[tenderlady]

thank you to the ever-iconic @crepesuzette2023 for tagging me to talk about myself <3 mentally i have never moved beyond teen magazines and i love filling out a little questionnaire

Favorite Movie: probably ken russell's the boy friend? but i also love tarkovsky's solaris, hiroshima mon amour, the fall, almost famous, a hard day's night........

Favorite TV Show: twin peaks has got to be the heavy hitter here for me as far as Shows That Have Influenced Me, but i have rarely felt a rush of tv-related mania like what i felt when i watched mad men over the summer.

Favorite Musical Artists: the beatles/paul mccartney/wings/the fireman/etc. (duh), talking heads, neutral milk hotel, kate bush, joanna newsom, lingua ignota/kristin hayter

Favorite Color: red! i once got in trouble in preschool for refusing to use any non-red crayons because i couldn't conceptualize using a color that wasn't your favorite.

Favorite Season: fall! i live in the american south, and summers here are miserable, so when fall finally kicks in, it's such a relief.

Favorite Book: probably jeffrey eugenides' the virgin suicides, but who will run the frog hospital? by lorrie moore is also up there. i really need to reread it, but i'm actually in the middle of a reread of the virgin suicides rn lol

Do you have any Funko Pops?: i would rather die

Do you play any instruments?: i used to noodle around on the guitar and the mandolin, but i wouldn't say i really """play""" either of them. i did do classical voice lessons for like a decade, and alleging that the voice isn't an instrument is the fastest way to get cold-cocked by an opera singer, so that, i guess?

Do you have any pets?: two cats :)

Do you read or write fanfiction?: i've done both for pretty much as long as i can remember, but i'm more of a reader than a writer these days since i'm working on an original project.

What song(s) have you had on repeat recently?:

gonna tag @dumbcloud @goldslick @backbenttulips <3