#I refuse to lose hope. I refuse to believe that things won’t change for the better sooner rather than later.

[spookyboywhump]

Generally I find it hard to feel disappointed or let down by people who I never expected anything better from but at this point it’s not even disappointment it’s just. Plain confusion I guess. It’s hard to comprehend the fact that there are people offering the last dollar they have if it will help someone they’ve never met, people finding ways in between shitty work schedules and general life bullshit to raise awareness within their community, people with little time, little resources, little energy doing whatever little things they can to hopefully add up to some change, and all the while there are these people who could easily make a massive difference, even just in raising awareness or a show of solidarity, at very little cost to themselves, and they just simply choose not to. And it shouldn’t be confusing because I know why, they don’t care because they don’t have to care, it doesn’t benefit them or their goals, it doesn’t effect them so they choose to ignore it. But even though I know that’s the reason I still find it hard to understand how they can just be okay with that while others far less privileged than them are doing the absolute most they can with what they have and still worrying that it’s not enough.

[sattlersquarry]

orange juice (steve harrington x fem!reader)

Summary: (Post Season 4 AU) Steve's world changes in the worst way when he loses you. He struggles to move on...but he learns he might not have to when he miraculously gets a second chance with you.

Word Count: ~8k

Warnings: 18+ PLEASE!!!! for language, death, grief, alcoholism, mentions of sex, mention of alcohol poisoning, and an allusion to a suicide attempt (in a miscommunication!!!! no one actually tried). the reader is presumed dead after the events of season 4. lots of angst and hurt/comfort with a happy ending bc if I ever wrote something without a happy ending my identity has been stolen. inspired by "orange juice" by noah kahan with some other references to his music sprinkled throughout.

a/n: i've been bouncing between this and bloom for the past few months and they are two very different fics tonally, but i hope you enjoy. please let me know if i missed any warnings because this one is kind of heavy.

🍊🍊🍊

ORANGE JUICE

MAY 1986

A ringing phone rouses Steve from a restless sleep.

A near-empty bottle of gin rests on the floor by his bed. He doesn’t remember drinking it, nor does he remember anything else from last night.

It’s been two months since you died. Steve’s not taking it well. 

That horrible day, Steve, Nancy, and Robin ran from the Creel House and found Eddie and Dustin sobbing over you, your eyes lifeless and the wounds on your abdomen weeping.

I’m so s-sorry, Steve, Dustin had said through sobs. W-we tried to save her!

An aftershock of the initial gate-opening earthquake caused panic amongst their group. Steve wanted to carry your body back to the real world for a proper burial, but there was no time before the aftershock got much too intense. Dustin and Robin refused to leave the Upside Down without him. He wasn’t going to let them get hurt, so despite the fact it broke his soul in half to do so, he allowed his friends to drag him back to the gate in the Upside Down’s version of the Munson trailer, leaving you behind.

When the dust settled and reality set in that Steve was going to have to move on without you, grief overtook him. He turned to alcohol as a welcome distraction. He’s been consistently ignoring Robin’s desperate pleas for him to talk to a professional, to drink less, to try and really process his pain.

Steve should listen, but he won’t. Instead, he’ll grieve. He’ll wallow. He’d rather wither away into nothing than work on bettering himself, because you died and that’s not fair. To you, to him. To everyone who loves you.

Steve groans, a deep rumbling thing from deep in chest, as he stretches and rubs sleep out of his eyes. He blindly reaches for the phone on his nightstand.

“Hello?” he mumbles.

“Steve, hey.”

Steve sits up like a rocket at the tremble in Robin’s voice.

“Robin? Is everything okay?”

“Uh, kind of. I mean, yes! But no. Sorry, I just—can you come to Hopper’s?”

“What is it?” Steve asks. He staggers to his feet, getting tangled in the phone cord. “Is it Vecna? Shit, who did he take?”

“No one!” Robin says, voice way too high to be believable. “Please just come over when you can.”

Steve drives over to their basecamp at Hopper’s cabin, a million bad scenarios racing through his head. What if Vecna cursed Dustin? Or Nancy, or any of the others?

What if somehow he got El, and the Hawkins’ team was really doomed?

It takes Steve almost forty minutes to get to Hopper’s, due to earthquake damage and military roadblocks all over town. He raises his hand to knock on the door, but it swings open before he can.

Joyce smiles at him, but her eyes are mournful.

“Hi, Steve,” she says warmly. “Please, come inside.”

This isn’t what Steve expected. Hopper, El, Will, Jonathan, Nancy, and Robin are sitting on various chairs and couches in the cabin’s main room. Usually, it’s frantic around here: everyone running around with mixtapes, weapons, and crudely drawn maps of the town with markings where the most frequent monster attacks are. It’s never this still.

When Steve and Joyce walk in, everyone looks at him, sympathy in their eyes.

Steve’s first thought: Shit, is this an intervention?

Before he can ask, Hopper says: “The gates are closed, Steve.”

Steve’s mouth twists into a frown, heart pounding in his chest. That wasn’t the plan.

“Wait, what? How?”

“We’re not sure,” Joyce says. “But Will—”

“I can’t feel Vecna anymore,” Will explains. “And El checked this morning, and she found Vecna in the Void and…”

“He’s gone,” El says quietly. “Dead. Finally.”

Steve sinks onto a couch cushion. That should be good news. Steve should be celebrating, toasting to the death of the bastard that ruined his life and took you away by way of the demobats. But—

“We were supposed to go back,” Steve says. The back of his throat burns when he swallows hard, trying to choke down the sensation of nausea that’s either from his hangover or his panic. Or both. “We were going to go back and get Y/N’s body.”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Jonathan says, looking down at his feet.

Steve whirls to Hopper, eyes blazing with a flash of anger that never seems to leave him these days.

“You promised!” he yells. “You promised that we’d go back for her!”

“I know,” Hopper says, keeping his voice even. “But something—or someone—killed Vecna in the Upside Down and the gates closed. The fight is done. It’s over.”

Steve’s lip wobbles. He won’t cry in front of them. He won’t. But his head spins.

“What am I going to tell her parents?” Steve says, voice cracking.

“You don’t have to do it alone, Steve,” Nancy says. She reaches a hand to touch his shoulder and Steve bats it away. “Steve—”

“This is such bullshit,” Steve snaps, turning to Hopper again. “If you had let me go back down there before, I could have brought her body back. We could’ve given her a proper funeral. Given her parents closure! But you made me wait!”

“It was the right choice,” Hopper says firmly. “I didn’t want to invoke another Vecna attack on Hawkins until we were ready to fight.”

“Maybe there’s a gate that we missed and—”

“We checked the gates this morning,” Robin says softly. “They’re all closed.”

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Joyce says. “But it’s over.”

Steve doesn’t say anything else. He storms out of the cabin, ignoring Robin’s pleas to come back, to not be alone right now. Steve drives back home, not without stopping at the liquor store first and loading up on various spirits to numb the pain.

Over the next week, you go from declared missing to officially declared dead. Steve can’t let on to your parents that he had known for months, and Hopper doesn’t want him to tell them the truth about Vecna, demobats, and the Upside Down. It kills Steve to lie to their faces, to attend the funeral where they bury an empty casket, knowing what he knows. Knowing that your body is trapped in another dimension. Dead and alone.

🍊🍊🍊

NOVEMBER 1986

“Y/N wouldn’t want this.”

Robin’s words echo in Steve’s mind hours after she’s fallen asleep in the uncomfortable armchair next to his hospital bed.

An overindulgence forced Steve to spend his Thanksgiving in a hospital—not that he had any plans with his family to get ruined anyway. Although he had been invited to Thanksgiving with the Buckleys, Wheelers, Hopper-Byerses, Sinclairs, Hendersons, Mayfields, and Munsons, Steve declined every invitation. He resigned himself to a holiday alone without you, got heavy handed with a bottle of whiskey, and passed out in the neighbor’s lawn.

When he awoke, he was in the hospital. Joyce and Robin were there, the former fretting over him and the latter chewing him out for being such a dingus and scaring her so badly on a holiday.

Like a broken record in his head of the worst song Steve’s ever heard: Y/N wouldn’t want this. Y/N wouldn’t want this. Y/N wouldn’t want this.

Robin didn’t say it to be mean. She said it to get him to wake up. To cool it with the drinking, because if he kept going at the rate he was going, he’d meet a worse fate than a pumped stomach.

Joyce quietly reenters the room and smiles.

“Oh, you’re still up!” she says. “I thought for sure you’d try to get some sleep.”

Steve shrugs.

“I can’t stop thinking about all the ways I’ve screwed up.”

Joyce settles on the chair next to Robin’s, ignoring the sleeping girl’s loud snores.

“When I can’t stop replaying the past in my mind,” Joyce says, “I try to think about my future instead. What are my aspirations and goals? What can I do differently to achieve them?”

Steve chews his bottom lip.

“Is it bad if I have no goals?” he says, feeling quite sorry for himself.

“Why do you think that is?” Joyce asks gently.

Steve shrugs again, before rubbing his eyes.

“Shit, I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve spent the past 3 years on edge thinking I’m going to get killed at any minute?”

Steve barks out a hollow laugh. “Or maybe it’s because 2 years ago I met someone who turned my life completely around, and she did get killed, and I wasn’t there to save her or be with her when she died. And I couldn’t give her or her parents a proper end and every time I close my eyes, I see her laying there. And I don’t know what my future looks like without her. I don’t even think I want one.”

Steve hates crying in front of other people. But when Joyce wraps an arm around his shoulders, he breaks down.

“It’s going to be all right, Steve,” she says. She squeezes him a little tighter. “I know it’s hard moving on from loss, but you do have a future. You have so many people that love you and are going to help you figure it out. And Y/N would want you to keep going. She’d want you to go off and do wonderful things.”

Joyce was right. If roles were reversed, Steve would want you to keep going without him. Not waste away and drink yourself into a coma.

Steve’s life is changing. And despite everything, things might be looking up.

🍊🍊🍊

FEBRUARY 1987

There is a beautiful girl in Steve’s bed and she’s touching him all the ways he likes to be touched—but he can’t even enjoy it because she’s not you.

He tries to clear his mind of all distraction. The girl with him—Molly—is very, very hot. And the feeling of her hands all over him should be sufficient to keep him focused on the moment. But his mind keeps wandering to you.

You were the last person he was truly intimate with. Sure, he’s kissed girls at parties. But that’s different than what’s happening now. Different than being in bed with Molly and her wandering hands, her gentle touches, her salacious whispers.

Steve thinks maybe he’s finally done it. Found a girl that can help him move on from you, the girl to help him feel whole again. To not feel so alone.

But then, overcome with sensation, Steve makes the worst possible faux pas in bed: he moans the wrong name.

Molly ceases kissing him.

“What did you just call me?” she asks, sitting up suddenly with narrowed eyes.

Steve sits up as well, resting against his headboard and floundering for a response that won’t make him sound like a douchebag.

“I just, uh, well—”

“Who is she?” Molly asks. She widens her eyes in horror. “Oh my god, are you seeing someone else? Am I ‘the other woman’?!”

“It’s nothing like that,” Steve rushes to assure her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just got caught up in the moment.”

“Caught up in the moment thinking of someone else when I was about to blow you!” Molly snaps. She stomps off the bed and grumbles as she pulls her jeans and sweatshirt back on.

“Wait, hold on!” Steve says. He struggles to put a pair of sweatpants on, hopping around frantically one-footed to pull them up as Molly grabs her purse and yanks open Steve’s bedroom door. “Please don’t leave, Y/N—ah, Molly!”

“Unbelievable!” Molly scoffs as she stomps down the staircase of the townhome Steve shares with three other students at the University of Indiana.

Molly gets to the front door but stops, whipping around to face Steve as he catches up to her.

“Who is she?” she demands. “An ex-girlfriend?”

“In a sense, yeah, but—”

“If you’re still so hung up on her, maybe you should ask her to blow you instead!”

Steve thinks about being an asshole. About letting the anger that simmers in his bloodstream 24/7 rear its ugly head. About snapping at Molly, telling her that yeah, totally, he’d love to get a blowjob from a corpse stuck in an alternate dimension.

But then Molly would feel bad and give him the pitying look Steve hates. So instead, he says, “Yeah, I’ll do that. See you in class.”

Molly huffs before giving Steve’s cheek a sharp smack! He doesn’t wince. Upset at his lack of reaction, Molly storms out.

Just as well. Remembering how the love of his life is dead is a real mood killer.

Steve rubs his forehead and heads to the kitchen. He eyes the six pack in the fridge. He hasn’t touched alcohol in three months. The temptation causes his hand to graze a beer can, but he quickly pivots to a cartoon of orange juice.

He chugs the drink before stalking up the steps to his room. Steve drops to his knees and blindly reaches in the dusty space under his bed. He grips the corner of a box and drags it to the middle of the floor.

Once opened, two black button eyes stare back up at Steve. It’s Lambchop, a stuffed animal lamb that your parents gave him. After your parents held a small funeral and buried that empty casket, they gave Steve this box of your things.

Lambchop here was her favorite toy, your mother had said at the time, eyes glistening with tears. She always hoped to pass it on to her own children one day. I think she’d want you to have it.

Steve thanked your mother and father, gave his condolences, went home, drank enough whiskey to fell a horse, and passed out.

Shaking himself out of the memory, Steve climbs onto the bed and places the lamb on the pillow next to him. It’s one of few connections to you that he has left, so he’ll cherish it, even if it’s a little silly.

What Steve doesn’t realize is that in another dimension, the very person he’s yearning for lays in the version of her bedroom created by the Upside Down, holds a dirty version of Lambchop, and yearns for Steve right back.

🍊🍊🍊

MAY 1987

You and Steve used to have your futures mapped out: start at U of I together in fall of ’86. Move in together after your freshman year of college. Get engaged by fall of ’89, married in fall of ’90, and have two kids by ’95. Spend the rest of your lives together, happy and healthy, with the horrors of Hawkins far behind you.

That was before Steve’s world changed in the worst way. Before you died in the Upside Down, when you drew the bats away from the gate. You were a hero, trying to keep them from flying into your version of Hawkins and destroying it.

Steve struggled for a long time. He’s still struggling, but in a slightly better place.

He’s sober six months now. He thinks of you often, but he tries to focus less on how he desperately misses you and more on how you wouldn’t want him to spend the rest of his life miserable and drunk.

But he does miss you so, so desperately. And he would give anything to have you back.

It hurts being reminded of you, so Steve stays away from Hawkins. But he can’t say no when Mrs. Henderson invites him to Dustin’s sweet sixteen birthday party, so he makes the trek back.

“Steve!” Mrs. Henderson coos, opening the front door with a beaming smile. “Welcome!”

“Hi, Mrs. Henderson,” Steve says. She pulls him into a hug and he adds, “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s so lovely to see you too!” Mrs. Henderson says. She leads Steve through the house. “Please, come in! You can put Dusty-Bun’s gift on the dining room table. I have strawberry wine in the kitchen—ah, and orange juice, or lemonade. It’s yours if you want it!”

Mrs. Henderson pivoted to juice awfully fast. She must have found out about Steve’s Thanksgiving Break bender. Steve tamps down the feeling of shame worming its way through his mind and body, instead offering her another small smile before turning to the dining room to drop off Dustin’s gift.

Dustin and the rest of the Hellfire Club are in the den, playing a one-shot campaign that Eddie planned. When Dustin sees Steve, his face lights up.

“Steve! You made it!” he says, rushing over and giving him a bear hug.

“Hey buddy,” Steve says, hugging him back. “Happy birthday, Henderson.”

Dustin grins, and it lifts Steve’s mood immensely.

Mike, Lucas, Will, El, Max, and Erica greet him next, along with Eddie and his Corroded Coffin buddies. Eddie can barely look Steve in the eye, guilt from not being able to save you eating away at him. Steve’s told him multiple times not to feel bad about it—he knows Eddie and Dustin tried their best.

“Want to join the campaign?” Dustin asks Steve.

“Oh, I don’t know how to play,” Steve says. “I’ll just watch, okay bud?”

A short while later, Robin arrives. Once the campaign ends, Mrs. Henderson brings out the cake, and then gifts are opened.

“He looks really happy, huh?” Robin whispers to Steve, nudging him gently with her elbow.

Steve nods with a smile. Dustin took your death really hard—the two of you had been close ever since you helped him, Steve, Lucas, and Max fight the demodogs in the junkyard. Seeing Dustin smiling and laughing with his closest friends on his birthday makes Steve really, really happy.

Still, Steve’s heart aches. You should be here. You should be smiling as Dustin opens his gifts. You should be getting cake frosting on your nose, playing along with the campaign although you have no clue what’s going on.

Ice grips Steve’s chest. He gets a flashback of you lying on the cold ground, unmoving, and—

“You okay?” Robin whispers, brow furrowed. How the hell can she tell that he’s upset? It’s frightening how observant she is.

“Fine,” Steve says, throat tightening. He’s not. But he isn’t going to let his grief ruin Dustin’s big day.

At the end of the night, Dustin asks Steve when he’ll be back to visit again.

“My summer classes end in August,” Steve says. “I’ll come by then. Maybe we can hit the pool?”

Dustin seems disappointed that it’ll be a while before he sees Steve again, but he doesn’t push.

However, Steve ends up coming back to Hawkins much sooner. Three weeks after Dustin’s birthday party, Eleven calls Steve and tells him something that makes his heart stop:

“Steve, it’s about Y/N.” 

🍊🍊🍊

Steve is a frantic mess.

He sits in the Byers-Hopper basement, knee bouncing as he intently watches El try to find you in the Void again.

El had told him that she’d sometimes look for you in the Void, hoping to give him some semblance of closure. However, she claims that a few hours ago, she finally found you for the first time and saw you not as a corpse, but fully alive. It’s a hope that Steve didn’t dare hold onto before, not until now.

As soon as she called, Steve got in his car and drove to Hawkins, going ten over the speed limit the whole time. He picked up Robin and Nancy along the way to El, Will, and Jonathan’s, and (unfortunately) Mike tagged along.

“Do you see her?” Steve asks, voice cracking.

“No talking, please,” El says, tightening her blindfold.

Steve purses his lips. Will gives him an apologetic smile and Robin squeezes his arm to offer a semblance of comfort. Jonathan looks between Steve and El, an uneasy expression on his face.

“I see her,” El whispers after a few minutes.

Nancy gasps. Mike’s eyes widen. Steve staggers to his feet.

“She’s okay?” Steve asks. “Where is she?!”

“I can’t tell,” El says. “But she’s holding a small, white fuzzy animal. Wait, is it dead?”

“Lambchop,” Steve says.

“Come again?” Nancy asks.

“Lambchop is her favorite stuffed animal,” Steve explains. His heart pounds in his chest at the realization that holy shit, you really are alive. “She must be in the Upside Down version of her house.”

“Y/N!” El calls. “Y/N!”

After a few more minutes of calling to you, El pulls off the blindfold and wipes her nosebleed away.

“She can’t hear me,” El says with a sigh.

“Maybe because the gates are closed,” Nancy offers.

“But if you open another gate,” Steve says, “we can get back through and find her. Right?”

“Hold on a minute,” Jonathan says, holding a hand up like a traffic cop. “Is that such a good idea?”

Steve narrows his eyes.

“Is it such a good idea to save my girlfriend’s life? Yeah, I think so, Byers.”

“Steve,” Robin whispers. “It’s okay. Just relax.”

“Relax?” Steve says, voice rising in volume with every word. “Relax?! You want me to relax? What about this fucked-up situation is relaxing! My girlfriend has been stuck in literal hell for over a fucking year! We’re going to rescue her, no matter what!”

“But opening a new gate could have major repercussions!” Mike protests.

“Screw the repercussions,” Steve snaps, glowering. “We can’t just leave Y/N down there to rot!”

“None of us want to do that, Steve,” Nancy says, keeping her voice level and calm. “But what if this is a trick from Vecna?”

“It’s not,” Will says. “If it was, I would feel his presence. I don’t anymore.”

“Boom!” Robin says, snapping her fingers. “If our human monster detector doesn’t sense any bad vibes, then we should be good to proceed.”

“Maybe we should ask El what she wants to do before we make any plans to open new gates,” Jonathan points out.

“Exactly,” Mike says. “El, what do you want to do?”

El looks down at her lap, before looking up. She locks eyes with Steve.

“I’ll do it. I’ll open the gate.”

Relief floods Steve’s whole being. He feels lighter. More hopeful than he has in a long time. But it all comes crashing down when—

“That’s not happening.”

The group turns to see Hopper and Joyce on the basement steps. Joyce looks worried, face twisted into a frown. Hopper looks angry, with his brow furrowed.

“But Dad—” El says.

“No buts,” Hopper says. “You are forbidden to open a new gate. You hear me?”

Joyce places a hand on her husband’s shoulder and says, “Now, Hop…”

Steve interrupts, walking over to the older man with a wild, panicked look in his eyes. “Hopper, please. Y/N is still alive in the Upside Down. We just need one gate so I can go through and bring her back. Please.” Hopper fixes Steve with a sorrowful stare, the smallest bit of guilt etched on his features. Still, he remains steadfast.

“I’m sorry, kid,” Hopper says. “I’m not putting my daughter at risk. She won’t do it.”

El, Robin, and Will all try to convince Hopper otherwise, their arguments overlapping into a cacophony. Nancy, Mike, and Jonathan share uneasy looks.

Steve can’t listen to this anymore. He quietly excuses himself, darting past Hopper up the steps and stepping into the backyard.

He sinks on the porch stoop and stares off into the quiet, cool night. He understands Hopper’s reasoning, but he doesn’t have to like it. He’s spent over a year mourning you, only to discover he might be able to get you back—for that hope to be dashed as quickly as it blossomed.

Steve picks a point in the tree line and focuses on it, putting all his energy into watching it so he doesn’t break down or cause any more of a scene than he already has.

He hears the squeak of the back door and Robin’s tentative, “Hey, how you doing?”

Steve shrugs absentmindedly, continuing to stare. Robin lowers herself onto the stoop next to him.

For a few blissful minutes, she doesn’t speak. She just rests her head on his shoulder and lets him stew in silence.

The spell is broken when she blurts out, “You’re not going to break your sobriety, are you?”

“Jesus Christ, Robin,” Steve grumbles, nudging her slightly so she’ll sit up. “You don’t have to ask that every time I’m in a bad mood.”

“Sorry,” she says. She picks at her fingernails. “Sorry. I just worry about you, you know?”

“I know,” Steve says softly. “I worry about you too.”

“Me?” Robin says. “No, no. I’m fine.”

Steve eyes the way her hands fidget. Before he can say anything, she blurts out, “I just don’t want a repeat of Thanksgiving. I mean, you almost died of alcohol poisoning. They pumped your stomach!”

“I know. I was there.”

“No!” Robin snaps, sounding awfully harsh despite the tears welling in her eyes. It breaks Steve’s heart to see. “You were unconscious! And it was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me, including all the torture and monsters, because I thought I was going to lose another best friend. I already lost Y/N. I can’t lose you too.”

She sniffles and Steve pulls her in for a hug. He can’t stop a few stray tears from falling down his own face as well.

“You won’t lose me,” Steve says, voice thick. “I promise, Robin. I’m not going to do that again. Okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbles, hugging him tighter. “I love you, dingus.”

“I love you, Rob.”

“That’s not fair,” Robin says, pulling away and wiping her tears on her sleeve. “You have to call me a mean nickname back or I just look like an asshole.”

Steve barks out a laugh and shakes his head.

“You are an asshole.”

“Perfect,” Robin says with a small smile. “Now we’re equally jerks. Just the way I like it.”

The back door opens and Will steps out.

“Hopper changed his mind!” he says with a grin.

Hope pumps like blood through Steve’s cold, shrunken heart. He’s going to see you again. Fuck, he’s going to see you again.

🍊🍊🍊

The next day, the group stands in the basement once more, this time making their plan for a rescue mission. Mike squealed to Eddie, Dustin, Lucas, and Max about what’s going on, and they all showed up wanting to help too.

“Not happening!” Hopper barks, a fierce look on his face. “New rule: you have to be 18 to come along.”

Eddie pumps his fist in victory, thrilled that he gets to come and try to make things right after losing you the first time. The younger teens grumble.

“But El is going!” Dustin complains.

“El is going to stay in the Lab with Joyce,” Hopper says. “She’ll open the gate for us and wait.”

“I can keep the gate open for one hour,” El says.

“That’s plenty of time to find Y/N!” Robin says brightly. “We already know she’s probably at her house.”

“And she lives close to Hawkins Lab,” Jonathan says, pointing to a map of Hawkins. “So we’ll be in and out.”

“It’ll be easy!” Eddie says.

“Don’t jinx it,” Hopper warns.

Nancy turns to Steve and pats his shoulder.

“You feeling good about this?” she asks quietly.

He nods. Although, truthfully, he’s terrified. If they come all this way, only for him to lose you again…he’s not sure he’d be able to handle that.

🍊🍊🍊

The Upside Down is not what Steve remembers.

The alternate dimension used to be dank and cold, like an endless winter’s night. Now with Vecna gone, it’s brighter, with a yellow sky and actual green foliage, not the moldy, dry shit from before. It seems less dangerous than last time.

No matter how much it’s changed, the thought that you’ve been here alone for over a year makes Steve’s blood run ice cold.

“This way!” Hopper barks, tracing his finger on his map of Hawkins and leading the group toward your house.

Jonathan and Nancy walk side-by-side with Hopper, glancing around at the tree lines constantly for any sign of danger. Eddie and Robin hang back, Steve walking slightly in front of them. He hears them whispering about something, but when he turns his head to try and listen, they quiet down.

He’s not an idiot. He knows what they’re worrying about: if they can’t find you, will Steve have another breakdown? Go on another bender? Would Steve even survive it?

Steve’s been wondering the same things himself. But for now, he stays positive, his optimism increasing tenfold when the six of them turn onto your street.

He can’t help but pick up speed, jogging past Hopper and causing the older man to snap, “Hey, stay behind me!”

Steve ignores his protests, shouting your name and pushing through the front door of your house.

He’s been here many, many times. He’s walked the pathway from your front door to your bedroom over and over again. Steve walks that path for the first time in over a year, charging up the steps and tuning out the concerned warnings from his friends.

He bursts into your bedroom, calling your name. He doesn’t see you, but maybe you hid when you heard the front door open. So he checks the closet, the ensuite bathroom, under the bed, to no avail.

Steve’s eyes sweep the space for any clues of your whereabouts. Most of the room seems untouched, except for your bed, where the sheets are rumpled and a grimy Lambchop the Stuffed Lamb sits primly on your pillow with her soft hooves crossed over her lap.

Steve picks up the toy, heart stuttering at the sight. You were sleeping here last night. You must have been. But where are you now?

“Steve!” Robin calls from down the hall, bringing him back to the present. “We found something!”

Steve gently places Lambchop back on the pillow—arranging her the way you always do, because anything else seems disrespectful—and heads back downstairs.

Hopper, Jonathan, Nancy, Eddie, and Robin are crowded around the kitchen table. On it is a sheet of paper with a rudimentary sketch of the town.

“Check it out,” Jonathan says. He traces his finger across the drawn lines. “It’s a record of where the gates originally opened.”

Sure enough, there are big stars drawn over Hawkins Lab, Eddie’s trailer, the road by the trailer park, Lover’s Lake, and the Creel House.

“That’s why she’s not here,” Nancy says. “She’s out searching for an opening.”

“We don’t have long,” Hopper barks, glancing at his watch with a grimace. “El can only keep the gate open for an hour. We have forty-one minutes to get back to the Lab.”

“We could split off into teams,” Nancy says. “Jonathan and I can go to Lover’s Lake.”

“Steve and I will hit the trailer park and the highway,” Robin adds. “Eddie and Hop, you can go to the Creel House.”

“We find Y/N,” Hopper says, “and we head back to the Lab. No wasting time. We move fast, we stay vigilant. Got it?”

The younger adults all nod and agree to stay on their walkies in case anyone needs to get in touch. Then, they split off to their destinations.

As Steve and Robin sprint toward the trailer park, Steve can’t stop panic from enveloping him head to toe. What if they’re too late? What if you’re dead—again? What if you don’t remember him somehow. What if—

“Look!” Robin says, throwing out an arm to stop Steve in his tracks. He skids to a stop and sees where she’s pointing.

Behind the closed curtains of the Munson trailer is the beam of a flashlight moving around. Steve’s heartbeat quickens.

“Okay,” she whispers as the duo slinks toward the trailer. “We need to think about this carefully, and make a plan to—wait, Steve!”

He charges into the trailer.

A figure flinches and whips around, hunting knife raised. Steve almost falls to his knees in shock at the sight. It’s really happening.

“Steve?” you whisper, voice cracking. He stands in front of you, hands raised and eyes flicking between your face and your knife. The corners of his eyes burn, tears starting to form.

He says your name, and the look on your face cracks his heart into seventeen pieces. He starts to step toward you, but—

“You’re not real,” you say quietly. “You can’t be.”

“No, I’m real!” Steve says. “It’s me, Y/N. It’s Steve. We’re here to take you home.”

You step back, still pointing your weapon at him.

“Don’t come any closer!” you shout.

“Okay, okay!” Steve says. He steps back, slowly.

“Steve!” Robin shouts from outside. “What’s going on in—”

“Stay outside, Robin!” Steve yells, voice wavering as he eyes your knife.

“But—”

Steve swiftly locks the trailer door without turning away from you.

The two of you ignore Robin’s knocks and protests. Eventually, she gives up, and Steve hears the crackle of her walkie-talkie.

“You can’t be Steve,” you say, shaking your head frantically.

“I am,” Steve begs. “And I’ve missed you so much—”

“You can’t be Steve because there’s no way into the Upside Down!” you say. He notices your arm start to shake. “Trust me, I’ve checked and checked and checked and there’s no gates anymore. And since my Steve isn’t a corpse at the Creel House, I know Vecna didn’t kill him and he’s back in the real world. If you’re not Steve, who the hell are you?”

Steve swallows hard. The back of his throat tastes acidic and he feels desperation wrench its way through every cell in his body. When he imagined his reunion with you, he didn’t anticipate this conversation.

“El reopened a gate for us,” Steve explains patiently. “We thought you were dead. But El looked for you and saw you were still alive, so we came to rescue you.” He glances at his watch and his brows furrow. “But we don’t have a lot of time. We need to head back to the Lab because she can’t keep it open forever.”

“How can I trust you?” you say. “How do I know you aren’t a trick?!”

“I’m really me, I promise,” Steve says. He hesitates before stepping closer to you once more. This time, you don’t move away. “We’re safe now, because Vecna’s dead.”

“I know. I killed him.”

Steve’s eyes widen a fraction.

“You what?”

“I had to,” you say. You shrug and look a little delirious. How much sleep have you gotten in the last year, Steve wonders. “Vecna brought me back. He would've flayed me and sent me to spy on and kill all of you if I didn’t kill him first.”

Steve almost falls over. The haunting fact that you had to fight Vecna alone makes his stomach turn.

The pained look on Steve’s face seems to shake something deep down in you. Any resolve you had crumbles. You heave out a sob, dropping the knife to the ground. Your knees buckle.

In seconds, Steve wraps you in his arms as you sink to the ground.

You cry, limp in his hold. Steve cries too, choking on encouraging words and apologies and everything he’s wanted to say to you since March 1986, when he thought he’d never speak to you again.

The door rattles. You startle and Steve holds you a little tighter.

“HARRINGTON!” Hopper barks. “Get a move on!”

“We have to go,” Steve says, urgent yet gentle. “We can talk more when we’re home. Okay?”

You nod, standing on unsteady legs.

Steve squeezes your hand before leading you out the door.

The whole rescue squad is out there, and you look wholly overwhelmed at seeing everyone after so long alone.

“No time for pleasantries,” Hopper says. “We’ve got less than twenty minutes to get through that gate.”

“Or it’s a slumber party at Y/N’s,” Eddie jokes. He playfully knocks his shoulder against yours and you gasp at the sudden contact. “Oh, sorry—”

“RUN!” Hopper yells, clapping his hands.

Everyone bolts toward the Lab. Steve and you run side-by-side, hands intertwined.

Shock envelops Steve’s senses, but he keeps running. The one thing racing through his mind is to get you back to safety.

The Lab’s gate is not the gaping maw it once was. It’s about the height of a minivan door, but its width is quite smaller—and slowly but surely shrinking.

El and Joyce stand on the gate’s other side, looking relieved to see everyone.

“Hurry!” Joyce says, waving you forward first. You hesitate, but Steve says, “We’re right behind you. Go on.”

You crawl through the gate and stumble to your feet on the right side of the universe. Steve would normally let everyone else go in front of him, but he wastes no time following behind you. Next comes Robin, then Jonathan and Nancy. Eddie and Hopper bring up the rear.

As soon as Hopper’s crawled through the gate, El drops her hand and it sews itself up—for the final time.

Steve and the others swarm you, all speaking too fast and asking a million questions. Joyce opens a first-aid kid and tries to sit you down and asses your various cuts and bruises. They hurt Steve to see.

“Look at her! She needs more than bandaids and alcohol wipes,” Eddie says, nodding in your direction.

“He’s right,” Jonathan says. “Mom, we need to take her to the hospital—”

“No!” you say. You stumble toward the staircase. “I need to go home. I need to see my parents, let them know I’m alive. How long have I been down there? I’ve been keeping track, and it has to be at least ten weeks, right?”

Steve places a hand on your shoulder. You look at him, eyes wild. “Y/N,” he says softly, “it’s been 15 months.”

That seems to be your final straw. Steve catches you as you pass out.

🍊🍊🍊

SIX HOURS LATER

While you get checked over by Dr. Owens and his people, Steve paces the hospital waiting room. Robin chews her thumbnail and watches the doors to the ER. Nancy and Jonathan bend their heads together and whisper, and Eddie attempts to distract Dustin and the other teenagers by juggling snacks from the vending machine.

After you fainted, Steve didn’t want to leave your side, but Hopper said everyone except himself and Joyce had to go home.

If our entire merry band shows up at Hawkins Mercy Hospital with a presumed-dead girl, it’ll look too damn suspicious, Hopper had said. Go home. Clean up. Wait three hours, and then you can come check on her. We’ll keep you updated.

In exactly 180 minutes, Steve and the others charge into the ER asking the nurse on duty about you.

“She’s still being looked over,” the nurse tells them. “Her parents and the Chief are with her now. You can wait over there and we’ll call you when she’s able to have visitors.”

Another 180 minutes go by. Now, everyone’s getting antsy. Steve has half a mind to charge into the ER and find you himself.

“Simmer down, Steve,” Robin says, noticing the way he’s squeezing the lilac teddy bear he bought you at the gift shop. “You’re choking the life out of that thing.”

“Why haven’t we heard anything from Hopper?” Steve asks. He checks his pager for the fiftieth time. “He said he’d keep us updated.”

“She’s probably going through a psych eval or something,” Max says.

“Or an interrogation,” Mike says darkly. “Maybe they think she had something to do with the murders last year.”

“Shut up, Mike!” Nancy hisses.

Steve curses and pinches his nose. Last year, a cruel man named Colonel Sullivan swept into Hawkins, searching for the real culprit behind Vecna’s kills after Eddie was proven innocent (thanks to a bogus alibi cooked up by Owens’ team). Steve was one of the unlucky few questioned, due to his connection as Jason’s former basketball captain. The thought of you, disoriented from so long in that shithole, handcuffed to a hospital bed while Sullivan grills you makes him see red.

Another sinking realization hits Steve: he’s changed since last year. What if you don’t like him anymore, once you realize how much of a mess he became when he lost you?

Hopper emerges through a set of double doors. Steve’s charging over to him in seconds, the rest of his friends piling behind and all talking at once.

Hopper holds up his hands to silence the group.

“Owens wants to run some more tests,” Hopper says. “They’re checking for contaminants in her bloodstream. You all can see her soon.”

He points at Steve. “Except she’s asking for you right now. You ready?”

Steve nods and squeezes your new teddy bear again. He gives Robin a panicked look, and she gives him a quick hug.

“Go get her,” Robin says with an encouraging smile.

Steve smiles back before following Hopper down the hall. Joyce stands outside your hospital room and smiles when she sees Hopper and Steve approach. Steve freezes.

Through the plane of glass in the door, he sees you with your parents. All three of you are crying.

“I don’t want to interrupt,” Steve says, backing away from the door. Before he can fully chicken out, Hopper bursts in and says, “Hey, look who came by.”

You and your parents look up. At the sight of him, your mother and father beam.

“Hello, Steve!” your mother says, sweeping him into a hug. “Can you believe she’s back?!”

“It’s a goddamn miracle,” your dad says, wiping tears on his sleeve. “We’ve been praying for this for so long.”

“Let’s leave these two alone to catch up,” Joyce says. “Grace, Roger, why don’t we pick up some food for Y/N?”

Your parents agree and step out with Joyce and Hopper. When it’s just you and Steve, all either of you can do is stare at each other with awkward smiles.

You clear your throat and point to the teddy bear.

“Is that little guy for me?”

“Yes!” Steve says. “Uh, sorry.”

He hands it to you. When your fingers brush, it feels electric. Still, after so long apart—no matter how much he’s dreamed of what it would be like if he somehow saw you again—everything feels stiff. You’re the love of his life and he can’t think of one thing to say.

“How have you been?” you ask quietly, seemingly just as uncomfortable as Steve.

Steve can’t help but laugh and says, “Terrible. I mean, shit. I know what you went through is way worse—”

“I don’t want to talk about what I went through,” you say sharply. Steve recoils and you wince. “I’m sorry, Steve. I just—I’ve been through this like five times with Owens’ guys, and over a cover story two more times with the cops. I don’t want to talk about me. I want to hear about you. What’s been going on?”

Steve wants to know more about what happened. About how you killed Vecna. About how you survived. But he doesn’t. He would never push you to discuss anything you didn’t want to, but he hopes that one day you’ll feel ready to open up to him.

Right now, you want to hear about his life. Where to begin. Steve thinks of sugar-coating the truth but doesn’t when he admits: “For starters, I almost died last year.”

You gasp and sit up a little straighter.

“What? Oh my god, what happened?”

“I’m fine now,” Steve says, waving away your concerns.

“Was it Vecna?”

“No, nothing like that. I really missed you, and I was in a bad place.”

You swallow hard, eyes turning glassy.

“Oh, Steve. Please don’t tell me you tried to—”

“No!” he says quickly. “It was alcohol poisoning. I drank too much being too lonely on Thanksgiving. Had to get my stomach pumped. It wasn’t all bad, though. Robin and I watched ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ on the hospital room TV and Joyce snuck in some pie for me.”

You ignore his attempts and lightening the mood and wave him even closer to you. He cautiously approaches and intertwines your fingers when you reach for his hand.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper. “I feel like it’s my fault—”

“Stop it.”

“Steve…”

“No!” Steve says. He shakes his head vehemently. “Don’t think like that. I just…struggled without you. But it’s not your fault that I’m a basket case.”

“You’re not a basket case,” you say. You squeeze his hand. “You’re the hero that crossed dimensions to come rescue me.”

You kiss his palm before scooching over on the hospital bed. You pat the spot next to you.

“What if your parents come back?” Steve asks.

“I’m not trying to hook up right now,” you say with an eye roll. “I just want you to lay with me.”

Steve is happy to oblige. He settles next to you. You rest your head on his shoulder and hug the teddy bear he brought you.

“So, you didn’t move on?” you ask quietly after a few minutes of peaceful silence. “Find a new girlfriend?”

“What?!” Steve asks, looking down at you, jaw dropped. “You really think I found someone else?”

You nod, fidgeting with the bow around your bear’s neck.

“15 months is a long time,” you whisper. “I don’t want to stand in the way if you're with someone else.”

“I couldn’t,” Steve says. He rests a hand on your knee cautiously. When you don’t flinch or move away, he keeps it there. “Y/N, I don’t want anyone else. I only want you, if you’ll still have me.”

You look up at him, noses practically brushing. The close proximity makes Steve’s cheeks flush rosy pink.

“You mean that?” you ask.

Steve nods. It seems to placate you, because in seconds, you’re lifting your chin to kiss him.

It’s a soft, gentle thing. An innocent brush of lips, like the kisses you shared very early in your relationship. Not the passionate “welcome home” kiss that Steve wants to give you, but he understands if you need to take things slow. He’ll move as slow as you need.

For the first time in months, Steve feels hopeful about his future again. Steve’s world is changing once more, in all the right ways.

🍊🍊🍊

EPILOGUE

You and Steve have your futures mapped out: after six months of physical and emotional healing, move in with Steve and join him at U of I in spring of ’88. Get engaged and subsequently married sometime within five years. No kids—at least, not biological ones, because your time in the Upside Down has caused lasting physiological effects that you don’t want to pass on to children. Maybe you’ll adopt a kid, or some dogs.

It's less of a map and more of an amorphous outline of what you two want to happen. All you two know for sure is that you never want to be apart that long ever again.

Steve’s heart and soul have changed, but they belong to you, and yours to him. Always.

🍊🍊🍊

a/n please lmk what you thought 🧡

tag list; @hollandweather @starry-eyed-steve @aloneinthehellfire @tvandfanfic @a-dealwith-god @stevebabey @keerysquinn @spoookysix @inkluvs

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hi hope everyone is doing well, i am currently on vacations so i have a lot of time to read, im craving derek having to grovel for something and stiles not accepting every damaged done to him so easilyand building the trust slowly. Please no cheating and only happy endings cause i cant take sad or open ones. Also sterek obviously.

I think so, @anbecoqu!

To Feel Your Heart as It’s Keeping Mine by Vendelin

(1/1 I 8,563 I Teen)

Stiles and Derek have been dating for four months, when Derek gets in an accident and loses all his memories from the past year and a half. Now, he’s once again the Derek Stiles used to despise, and even worse, Derek thinks that he still hates Stiles’ guts.

Mr. Hale and the Lumberjack by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

(1/1 I 15,407 I Teen)

“Derek,” Stiles whined, draping himself across Erica’s desk. She patted his back comfortingly. “Derek, why doesn’t the lumberjack like me? What can I do to change that?”

“If you’ve opened your mouth around him, that explains everything,” Derek told him coldly. “Maybe try shutting up for once. And standing still. Not breathing would help your cause, too.”

Stiles let out a wail of despair, and everyone quickly moved in to comfort him. Derek scowled, annoyed, and clapped his hands loudly.

“Enough. Back to work. Stiles, get the fuck out of my department.”

“Language,” Stiles chided, pointing one finger at him while still draped across the desk.

Is This Unwise by Innaz (zanni_scaramouche)

(1/1 I 17,819 I Teen)

Derek expects Stiles to react poorly, maybe even file a formal complaint and that’s gonna suck, but Derek won’t say shit cause he knows he deserves it, so he prepares an apology before Stiles has even turned around.

What he doesn’t expect is Stiles to fucking drop.

Sweet Buns by skoosiepants

(1/1 I 17,935 I Teen)

Stiles hasn’t seen Derek Hale this close up for over a decade. He looks almost exactly the same, except somehow he seems even bigger and broodier—criminally handsome, with soft-looking dark scruff, heavy brows, light hazel eyes. His gaze zeros in on Stiles almost immediately, and his scowl lightens minutely in what looks like surprise.

Stiles is acutely aware that he has melted butter and cinnamon all over his face, and tries to surreptitiously wipe it with the ends of his sweater-sleeve.

Or-

The a/b/o bakery au with feelings

Hello, Heartbreaker by astoryaboutwar

(1/1 I 18,472 I Explicit)

It’s a popular joke among Alphas: fuck an Omega, get heartbreak on your hands. Omegas are fragile little emotional things, needy and whiny. Stiles refuses to become that, or to believe that he’s anything like that.

Stiles and Derek have been fuckbuddies for a while when Derek loses his memories of the past three years - and them - in an accident. (Also - everyone’s a werewolf, and everyone’s alive.)

[hvman-scvm]

GHOST ESTABLISHED / LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP HCS

!! CW ;; SLIGHTLY TOXIC DYNAMIC ? PERHAPS ? MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, STUFF RELATED 2 FPS N BPD, MENTIONS OF S/H, PURGING N ALC, IDK WHAT ELSE 2 ADD THT MIGHT NEED A WARNING. !!

💀— He’s so emotionally dependent on you tht his entire mood depends on how you are and how you treat him. Smthn as simply as not responding 2 a text fast enough can and might send him in2 a full breakdown

💀— he’s so so paranoid, even 2wards you sometimes. Constantly worries tht there are people coming after you n him or tht you’re cheating on him. He’s thought abt it so much tht he’s decided tht if you were 2 ever cheat on him, he’d stay; he just can’t fucking live w out you. Wld he b angry and hurt ? Of course. But he’d stay nonetheless.

💀— has unmedicated and undiagnosed BPD, and if y’all are dating than you’re most likely his FP. Being his fp is so hard bcuz, asides frm the emotional dependence mentioned above, his splitting episodes are **horrible**. He’s distant and cold but keep pushing and he’ll completely blow on you, he’d never hurt you physically but he’ll yell and insult you like no 2mrw which is so unlike him 2 do. Even during arguments he stays calm and collected despite his rising anger so seeing him like this is definitely scary.

💀— there is definitely some trauma bond going on between you 2, especially from his side.

💀— will allow horrible treatment frm you, n will convince himself it’s bcuz you love him. You cld treat him exactly like his father did and he’d still stay bcuz, as I said, he can’t live w out you (or thts what he believes). Any abuse coming frm you will b met w acceptance frm him, and if any of his teammates show concern he’ll distant himself frm them, convincing himself tht they’re trying 2 separate you two (which is what they shld in this case lmao.)

💀— switches frm hypersexual 2 sex repulsed and vice versa so fast.

💀— prefers to wear his mask around you more than around strangers, idk how 2 explain it but it’s almost like. He looks like his father, or thts what he sees, so he sees himself as the epitome of ugliness. His mask brings him comfort as well, and you bring him comfort, so it’s double the comfort. If you’re his fp, he’ll let you see his face out of fear of abandonment, which funnily enough he’ll also worry abt you abandoning him once you see his face 4 the first time. No amount of telling him he’s beautiful will change tht.

💀— speaking of abandonment, he’s constantly worried abt it. He sees you as deserving better than him, almost seeing you as superior 2 him, so he’s mentally “prepared” 4 you 2 leave once you find some1 better. If tht day ever comes though, it’ll turn out tht he’s not prepared at all, he’ll lose his fucking shit, might even attempt suicide if you’re his fp.

💀— has days where he doesn’t want to b touched, and he’ll distant himself even more if you break tht boundary. Best thing to do is to sit in silence w him, each doing your own activity but staying within the same area.

💀 — he’s so clingy during bad days, but he won’t try 2 initiate anything. Mostly just following you around like a puppy, hoping you realize tht he’s not doing well and comfort him.

💀— if you’re also in the military, he’ll b worried sick when you’re away on deployment. So worried he can’t sleep n refuses 2 eat, and nothing his teammates do cld help w his state. Letters and calls help a bit but they don’t do much, he needs you 2 physically b w him so tht he knows you’re safe n sound.

💀— love language is acts of service; he’ll help w the housework when he can or he’ll do other things such as brushing your hair, doing your reports 4 you, feeding any pets you might have, just generally helping whenever he can.

💀— in a trustful, long term relationship he’s surprisingly submissive, both sexually and casually. He likes being told what 2 do by you, he loves the feeling of being guided and obedient. Once again this is smthn I find hard 2 explain but it’s like the act of being praised for doing good and feeling useful enough tht you’ll hopefully keep him around longer makes him feel safe n content, in a way.

💀— obsessively thinks (and worries) abt you n your safety.

💀— picks up on your bad coping mechanism. You self harm ? He’ll do it too 2 guilt trip you in2 stopping, or bcuz he wants 2 join you in2 it as a sick way of bonding. You purge what you eat ? He’ll join you on your b/p episodes. Drink too much once stressed ? He finds himself doing the same. He doesn’t even realize he’s started doing it until you point it out.

[hitlikehammers]

time for that age old question: is love enough to beat back the apocalypse?

Because Steve's right there to protect everybody like the self-sacrificing asshole he is help Eddie make the music he's not strong enough for yet help them all put Vecna in the ground for good this time, right?(!??!)

or: what's the song for your walkman, baby? does it even matter?

I Could Be Your Nurse (or something)

Or: Five Times Eddie Has To Ask For Help, Plus One Time He Doesn’t Need It Anymore (but asks anyway) ✨ for @penny00dreadful 💜

<<< three: sleep 🌗

🎧 🎹 four: play 🎶 🛡️

To tell the whole truth of it: it comes too quickly—Vecna’s last stand. Of course it does.

But probably, if he’s being fair: they’d never have been really ready. Not for this, and so maybe it’s best that they’re not fully healed, not at full strength when it all comes to a head, not least because that means Vecna and his petal-toothed brigade aren’t at full strength either. And that choice, for their side, is sloppy; the Party stands on the right-side-up against the attack because they have to. Vecna makes his move because—or else, Eddie’s fairly sure—because the sadistic ballsac is losing his fucking mind.

Which is terrifying, sure, but fuck if it doesn’t help their cause.

It’s actually over pretty quick, even compared to Spring Break which, while it felt like a lifetime for how much it changed Eddie’s own, it’s only been those handful of days—but it’s kinda like the grand finale at a fireworks show: everything all at once then, done. In the everything’s though: he might not like it, but Eddie’s not so foolish as to believe he’s not still too tender, still too deep in healing the finer points of being gnawed alive to be anything but a burden in the thick of it. He refuses to be sidelined, though, and he thinks it says a lot for the long-term health of this glorious impossible thing he’s…building? Yeah, he, umm, he, Eddie Munson, is building a real goddamn thing where he doesn’t even just let someone into his heart and treasures them there, no, he’s building a thing where he gives his heart and gets on new and soft and trembling in kind and they both get to work at the treasuring of something more precious than just their own vulnerable insides, but yeah, yeah:

Eddie thinks it bodes really fucking well for the hopes he has that lean hard toward forever, already, in Eddie’s chest at least when Steve looks his way as they’re planning the teams and he locks eyes with Eddie and Eddie doesn’t even get his mouth open to breathe, to plead don’t cut me out, don’t send me to Wayne to be ‘safe’ or ‘out of harm’s way’ or whatever, don’t leave me so fucking far from you my heart hurts just because it’s beating in the middle space unmoored and shaking around all bruised up with it for not knowing and I know I can’t do what everyone else can but it’ll be bad enough not being next to you please don’t push me far enough that I won’t know the moment you’re safe, just—

Steve meets his eyes, and Eddie’s breath catches before his heart trips, and then Steve speaks up—and he doesn’t, not all that often when the nerdiest among them are shoring up the battle plans—but he watches Eddie without blinking when he pipes up:

“Eddie’s on medical and audio, with Erica and Jon.”

And maybe it’s his tone—this almost wholly novel thing in Steve that’s steely and unquestionable but no one pushes, they nod and get back to work, totally seamless and, and…yeah. That’s all Eddie wanted. Best he could hope for. Just outside the gate they go through. Close enough to hold a hand on the way down, and reach for purchase on the journey back.

Steve swallows hard, and nods at Eddie before he looks away and starts gearing up, twirls his fucking nailbat so it catches the sunlight even thought the metal’s mostly rusted, now and just…Eddie hadn’t needed to say a word. And Steve wanted to send him to safety, the way his throat had bobbed made it real clear there was something heavy he’s held back but: he’d said what he said. He’d laid the line in Eddie’s favor. Eddie wants to hold him, wants to pull him close and feel him breathe, and—

Yeah. Eddie kinda feels like the way it goes is a really good sign for their future as a couple. A couple. Them. Together.

With an always on the other side of all of this that could be kinda fucking magnificent, maybe. Given the chance.

Point being: Eddie gets himself set up with at least a full ambulance’s supplies for first aid, definitely not acquired legally, and a stereo set up he really wishes someone had been kind enough to outfit him with in not-the-apocalypse, holy shit is it gorgeous, but since the strength in his hands is still a work-in-progress, he’s gotta be ready to crank up the noise as a distraction from arm’s-length. It’s actually driving him fucking crazy—or, was; it was, pre-active return to the regularly scheduled world ending—the whole not being able to make music, to translate the noise in his head into sounds on the strings but even that, even that’s been tolerable, survivable because of Steve—who he loves, he gets to love Steve Harrington holy fuck—but Steve’s not just there to be everything and more than the air Eddie goddamn breathes, to become the music just by existing, nope, he one ups that shit: he asked Eddie if it’d be enough to learn the chords he needs. So Eddie could match the words with the notes right, so Steve could be a—

“—kinda piss-poor substitute but,” Steve had shrugged for it with a crooked grin; “but even a bad translator gets a message across, and you’d know when it’s wrong so we can figure out how to fix it and—“

And Eddie’d grabbed Steve’s chin and yanked his mouth close to fucking consume that man like a soul goddamn starved.

“I’d be a shit teacher,” Eddie had mouthed against Steve’s lips after they were sucked well-swollen; “if I still can’t lift the fucking neck for more than a minute,” but Steve had heard none of it, just shot right back:

“You don’t think we’ve beat steeper odds than that?”

And in the face of that raised brow, those red lips parted, that pulse in that neck still a little bit visible like a tease: the fuck was Eddie supposed to do but dive back in and love on the man who’d somehow agreed to be his, and to claim Eddie of all people in turn?

Which is a whole other reason why everything’s gonna be fine: Steve’s gonna make music with him. Steve’s gonna be Eddie’s muse and the vessel for what he inspires. It’s gonna be like Greek fucking poetry, except it’s gonna be them.

So Eddie’s all stocked up, s’got everyone’s floaty-bone-breaky songs queued up on blast for immediate deployment as necessary, and Steve’s the last to go through—he always is, in Eddie’s experience, waits for everyone to be safely accounted for before he spares a thought for himself and it might kill Eddie one day but not fucking today, because it’s gonna be fine—

“Eddie.”

It feels a little like history repeating itself, the way Steve huddles him in a little. Henderson’s through, with Lucas and Hopper and the weird stray Russian, but it’s not like history repeating, because Eddie’s got different words to see him off with; so fucking different.

“Last time I didn’t have,” and Steve reaches, cups Eddie’s cheek, drags down to press on his chest as his voice strains hard: “and it almost killed me,” and Steve usually pinches between his eyes to keep his feelings in check but instead of using his free hand to hold back the tears he reaches for Eddie’s and laces their fingers as his voice cracks and he chokes out:

“Please,” and it’s for everything. For all the almosts from last time; for all the possibilities rife this time. For all the hopes Eddie thinks they share beyond how this shakes out.

“Exceptionally underqualified field med,” Eddie breathes, and squeezes Steve’s hand so, so hard like a promise, because it is; “exceptionally overqualified DJ,” and Steve chuckles, wet but real and it’s enough, because:

“I got it, Stevie,” Eddie bends his forehead to Steve’s to say better than with words that he’s not in this to be a hero, he’ll be right here the whole time, but that doesn’t mean he…that doesn’t mean he can help but to ask this time:

“Just,” and the breath in him punches out unexpectedly as he damn-near begs:

“Only bring me back the little things, yeah? That I know how to fix?”

And they both hear what’s said underneath it:

Don’t turn around and die down there, and kill me in kind..

And—if anyone’s keeping track—they turn out not to need it but: the way the kiss is a wholeass wartime farewell, man.

And then: Eddie waits, and fucks with the speakers for less than an hour before the earth shakes, and his heart drops, but then he hears it.

The fucking whooping of those shitheads echoing through the cracks.

And then he sees it, runs, grabs the first hand that’s clinging to the rope this time and pulls with strength he doesn’t have, is probably more a hindrance than a help but he steadies them each back on the ground and hugs them so tight, kisses more than one of them on the head or the cheek as he doesn’t pretend not to be sobbing through the laughter because they did it, they fucking did it, somehow it’s over and he loves these people and he’s so fucking happy they’re alive and safe and here and—

And the person he loves more, loves most, brings up the rear, a little bloodied, a little scratched up, dingy with the fucking air down there but smiling and Eddie…

Eddie falls into him so fucking hard they both hit the ground and just, just grab onto one another. Just hold and breathe and catch lips every few seconds like an afterthought because they feel each other’s heartbeat where their chests are pressed tight and it’s, they’re…

Steve’s got four broken fingers across both hands. None in a row. He’s basically giving a Vulcan salute by default for how they’re taped.

Eddie loves him so goddamn much it hurts.

And Eddie’d obviously known—once things start to settle in the days that’ve followed—that teaching Steve guitar with those Spock-y hands was on the back burner, but he does ask Steve to sit, and to rest, and to help hum back the tunes in Eddie’s head while Eddie jots lyrics with a hand that’s still shaky but steadying out more every day, and it’s kind of perfect, and Steve adds some things into the melodies either on purpose or by accident but they’re better for it every time and—

Muse and vessel, man. The light of Eddie’s whole goddamn life.

With fucking Vulcan hands still, though, so: excuse Eddie for being…bewildered when his boyfriend—boyfriend, that’s his boyfriend—but his taped-up-healing-Vulcan-handed boyfriend is propping the front door open and lugging in a long, not-recovery-friendly thing that looks close to dropping on his toes and—

“The fuck are you doing?” Eddie asks with a little more panic in his voice than he’d hoped for as he rushes as best he can to where Steve’s kicking the door shut behind him, fluttering his hands around uselessly as Steve maneuvers past him, leans across for a peck at the corner of Eddie’s mouth and calls—“It’s fine, it weighs, like, nothing”—over his shoulder as he settles the, the thing down on the coffee table in the living room they’ve started actually using for, y’know.

Living.

Eddie follows him in, though, because of course, he’s half-a-dog on that man’s heels, whole-caught-in-the-gravity-of-his-everything: but Eddie follows as Steve tosses himself backward with something in his hand, rolls and rucks up his fucking absurd Hawking Middle tee across the sweet curve of his hips, the way the soft give of skin tempts Eddie to run his tongue over the trail of almost-curls, like baby-curls where they lead under the waist of his jeans: Eddie would happily volunteer to survive on the taste of that musky-delicate space until the end of goddamn time—

But then Steve’s huffing a breathless ha from behind a chair where he’d been stretched to reach and a light catches Eddie’s eye from his periphery where he’d been staring unblinking just at Steve: the big long black thing on the coffee table. It takes a genuine concerted effort not to keep at the Steve-staring—not an uncommon state of Eddie’s existence, in all fairness—and check what’s glowing on the table: something turned on. Was plugged in, right, that’s what had Steve rolling on the floor without Eddie on top of or being deliciously pinned down by him.

The something being the big long black thing that Eddie takes in for the whole of it, now: a keyboard.

“Jon picked it up for me second-hand from the place next to Fox Photo when he drove down for his camera, and Rob vouched that it’s a good brand and like, really good condition,” Steve’s raised up on his knees, now with his hands braces on his thighs as Eddie studies the keys, fingers the ends of a every few of the naturals.

“Rob helped with those, too, so I’d know the right, like, chords,” and yeah: they’re stupa of masking tape stuck to the keys with letters in blue, black, and red pen, alternating so they don’t get mixed up, some with and arrow, Eddie assumes, to indicate a sharp.

“I only remember like half of one song from when my parents thought it would look good to have me take piano lessons,” Steve huffs in whole-ass judgment; “my mom wanted the endorsement of the guy who was stepping down from city council, and his wife taught private lessons, so, y’know,” Steve rolls his eyes; “super convenient leading up to the election.”

“What song?”

Steve blinks, tips his head in askance for what Eddie recognizes very clearly as something closer to a croak than a question, his throat all tight. He tries to cough, to clear it.

“What song do you remember?”

Steve snorts at that, leans back on his palms, and fuck is he beautiful.

“Clair de Lune,” Steve grins crooked; “the one song I was allowed to pick, instead of just being assigned.”

“Why’d you pick it?” Not that Eddie doesn’t like it or anything. It’s more that…he knew Steve could more than just drum fingers on keys, if only just, and that a baby grand used to sit in the corner where there’s a stereo cabinet now, but.

But: see, there’s like a whole half of his heart that’s dedicated to collecting new knowledge about everything Steve: his favorite food when he was 12 versus the now. How his favorite color became his favorite color. The story behind all the polos. The nitty-gritties about why he’s in a big-ass house alone for approximately 360 days a year, and how long it’s been that way. Eddie’s whole heart is basically Steve’s but every day that half overflows a little, and Eddie’s only keeping it relegated to parts filled with Steve-lore so he can feel the collection break containment every other day, this grand and joyous bursting under his ribs as everything spills over again, and again, and again until it’s all just Steve, and his heart has to burst or stretch, or both.

Eddie thinks both will be amazing.

And right now, in the interest of building toward that amazing-both: he wants to know why Debussy.

Steve chuckles to himself—better music than any dead French guy by a country mile—and eyes Eddie almost slyly.

“Do you remember Claire Reynolds?”

Vaguely. Like, very vaguely. He remembers…uneven pigtails. Very actual-cult-like vibes about her family as a vague impression and now that he’s bringing it to mind he feels a new wave of indignation: those Children-of-the-Corn motherfuckers were just fine but Eddie liked a board game and he was probably a murderer.

“When we were in like, first grade,” Steve’s continuing on; “she asked me every, single, day, to come over and see her sheep.” Steve looks up at Eddie and bites his lower lip, lets his gaze dance and lets Eddie fall into it for a few dazed seconds before he spells it out.

“She had these crazy eyes about it, it was kinda unsettling,” Steve nudges, but Eddie’s doesn’t get it until:

“And it’s not like I do now, because obviously I don’t, but I definitely didn’t speak a lick of French when I was eight.”

It takes Eddie a hot second before he snorts hard enough to hurt:

Claire, da Loon.

“I was eight,” Steve protests Eddie’s laughter halfheartedly even as he joins in, reaches to slap at Eddie’s upper arm which honestly: just makes him laugh harder.

“Anyway,” Steve fights through the last of the chuckling as it peters out between them, drags himself to sitting next to the coffee table and taps his hand to the top of the keyboard.

“I know it’s not the same as learning guitar to help, and I can probably only get the top and bottom notes with these,” he lifts his Vulcan-fingers his a shrug; “but I was hoping that’d be better than nothing?”

And, like, how Eddie was talking about his heart having to swell, for all the things he gets to tuck inside of it that come with loving Steve Harrington?

He might crack a rib, just now, because—

“This is for me?”

Steve purses his lips, lifts a brow:

“Well, technically it’s for me,” steve singles his fingers, which looks absurd with the splints; “but yeah. To help you get the songs out. I mean, once these are free again, you can help me with the guitar like we talked about, until you’re—“

And Eddie cannot be blamed, see: he cannot be fucking blamed for tackling Steve to the floor and kissing him hard enough to bruise because…

“You got hurt,” Eddie half-breathes between kisses; “you got hurt and I was so afraid I was gonna lose you,” and Eddie reaches for those taped fingers and kisses them, too: so gentle and Steve’s expression softens so quick:

“I was scared, too,” he whispers between them, cups Eddie’s face with his unloaded hand; “you were as safe as I could make you within the fucking city limits but I was still so goddamn scared.”

Cue more rib-cracking for the heart-swelling, because Jesus fucking Christ.

“And you,” Eddie exhales, slow and shaky; “you’re hurt, but you went and got,” he nods to the keyboard;

“I know it’s not ideal,” Steve’s quick to, to what, apologize? For being insane and perfect and—

“Shut up,” Eddie says, voice low and watery and he’s still kissing at Steve’s fingers, holding his wrist delicate but also like a lifeline.

“You’re hurt,” Eddie maybe kinda moans it because he hates it, as much as he’s so fucking grateful that’s it’s just this, no worse than this; “and you still—”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

And that…that’s one thing Eddie’s learned beyond reproach; that even to his detriment, Steve keeps his goddamn promises.

And he’d promised to help Eddie get his words out, to place the lyrics to the notes and help unclutter his brain so he didn’t lose his mind.

Holy fucking hell.

“Steve,” Eddie starts, shakes his head, needs to find the right words. “You’re alive,” the most important thing. “You are healing,” another most important thing, for Eddie to oversee and make sure of, even as Steve keeps an eye on the last lingering threads of the long haul on Eddie’s road to recovery in kind, his beloved mother hen.

“This is,” and he runs his fingers too light to draw sounds across the keys, hopes he sounds as awed and grateful as he feels; “but you, you’ve gotta test, you have to,” and Eddie shakes his head and lifts his eyes to just fucking ask it:

“Why?”

And Steve: Steve just studies his face for a few seconds, reads what he needs before he smiles kinda exasperated, mostly fond and answers so simply, while also breaking a few more of Eddie’s ribs when he just says:

“Because I love you.”

And Eddie’s heart’s not so overfull yet of all of Steve, it’s not fair that it just bursts right then and there, Eddie propelled into Steve’s arms to kiss him deep this time, like he’s searching out Steve’s soul to taste and maybe he is, save that he needs his heart to not have exploded for feeling if he’s going to keep the memory of it safe in his chest for always, he needs to patch his heart back up first but he’s too distracted, too drowned in the way love actually fucking feels, fucking shifts his cells around and makes a new version of him, lets his heart grow bigger except it went and blasted apart with the unprecedented immensity of loving and—

And then Eddie’s got Steve’s taped up hands on both his cheeks, and he remembers that night, in the shower, where Steve ripped the seams from his shirt so taking it off wouldn’t hurt him; notices how Steve is wearing that same fucking shirt in this very moment, all in one piece, like it never split apart in the first place.

Master seamstress, tried and tested and true; truer than anything.

So Eddie just dives back in and kisses with everything in him, thinks maybe when Steve tastes the pieces of Eddie’s blowout heart under his tongue while Eddie goes diving for the sweet lick of Steve’s soul:

Eddie thinks Steve’s mouth might know how to stitch up torn things, too. Especially the kinds that are ripped at their seams wholly for the sake of loving that fucking hard.

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson @estrellami-1 @bookworm0690 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @nerdyglassescheeseychick @swimmingbirdrunningrock @goodolefashionedloverboi @sanctumdemunson

divider credits here & here

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💫 ao3 link here

[jewishbarbies]

There’s a part of me that’s kinda grateful how much the stop Jewish hate ad ripped the masks off people because without I probably would still consider someone who believes that Jews can’t be victims because we have power and the ability to influence public opinion a future bridesmaid. It sucks that I had to watch her go down the rabbit hole and that I’ve pulled away from that friendship but I won’t tolerate it anymore

It’s amazing how much has changed for me since 10/7, how much more Jewish I am, how my world has shrunk but gotten bigger at the same time. That there are people who aren’t Jewish/Israeli/Palestinian who have the same 24/7 mindset towards this conflict does scare me though because I’ve now witnessed two people who I know are kind and intelligent descend into antisemitism straight out of the protocols in a matter of weeks. We aren’t meant to be retraumatized every single day without fail for months and then be told that we’re wrong to fear, it’s fucked

I’m really sorry you’ve had to lose that friendship. it hurts so much more when it’s someone close to you.

this whole situation has just kind of confirmed some things for me. there’s a stereotype that jews are loud and stubborn, and while it comes from a place of antisemitism in and of itself, it’s not entirely wrong. because when something like this happens, we don’t give up. we don’t bend. we refuse to be stripped of our jewishness and our human rights, and we dig our heels in instead. we refuse to be silenced. and while it’s utterly horrifying that we’ve had to be put here as a people again, seeing so many jewish people reconnect with their jewishness and learn to speak out has been incredibly moving and just makes me love being jewish more. every time, the thing they hope breaks up, is what brings us together and helps us survive. we can at least find some comfort in that.

[heliads]

Hey hun, just wondering if I could get a Theo Raeken x Hale!reader basically he's an overprotective brother ❤️❤️❤️

derek would be an overprotective brother let's be real (i'm assuming that's what you meant? tbh i was a little confused about who was the brother but this is the result)

masterlist

Sneaking out of one’s house in the dead of night is already a difficult task. Factor in the fact that the adults in the building all have supernatural hearing, and getting caught seems impossible to avoid. The only factor in your favor is the fact that you absolutely refuse to give up. Derek Hale can do whatever he wants to try and rein you in, but there’s nothing he can do to stop you. Nothing at all.

Honestly, he should have seen this coming. It’s not like any of the Hales are known for their natural rule-abiding tendencies. When Derek was your age, he was crushing on girls and giving them the bite. He should just be happy that you’re not trying to turn anyone and let you do what you please.

That’s what you argue, at least. Derek sees things very differently. You know he’s just terrified to lose another family member after the fire burned your home to the ground, but times are changing. You know how to defend yourself, and you certainly won’t be going down without a fight, if you’ll ever go down at all.

Besides, you’re not looking to get into fights. Not tonight. In fact, you’re doing the exact opposite. You’re slipping out of your room not to seek out danger, nor track down hunters in the hopes of starting a fight. No, you’re practicing all this secrecy because you want to see your boyfriend, a certain Theo Raeken.

You didn’t count on Theo stealing your heart when he first arrived at Beacon Hills. True, his first few months were a little rocky, something about him trying to betray the McCall pack in the name of the Dread Doctors, but he’s come around since then. You didn’t even start thinking about him romantically until a few months after that, once you were sure that he wouldn’t try something bad like that again.

If you ask Theo, though, he’ll tell a story that’s a little different from yours. He once confessed that he started liking you from his very first day, which made it easier to switch sides once he was let out of Hell. Sometimes you wonder if he saw visions of you when he was trapped down there. You don’t think he’ll tell you for quite some time, though. Theo doesn’t like thinking about his time in Hell at all.

Neither do you. That’s why the two of you prefer to let the past stay in the past, and focus only on the future and what it holds. Theo isn’t an enemy to you, not anymore. Not to any of your friends.

That’s not what Derek seems to believe, however. No, Derek is convinced that Theo is nothing but bad news, fit only for betrayal and heartbreak. Every time he happens to see you and Theo together, you can hear his blood pressure skyrocketing and you know you’re in for a lecture once you get home. Despite the fact that Derek made plenty of worse choices in his life, such as dating a darach, you being with Theo is the worst thing your older brother has ever seen.

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you, but you’re not too hung up on it to let Derek’s lack of approval stop you. You don’t need your brother, you just need Theo. So, you take care to be extra quiet when you’re lifting the sash of the window and climbing down the fire escape into the cold night. Theo’s truck is idling two blocks over, just in case. He gets out to greet you like he always does.

Despite the fact that sneaking out of the Hale residence gets harder by the hour, and Derek’s wrath is strengthening by the day, it’s all worth it. All of it. The moment Theo’s arms are around you, you think you could take on the world. Maybe you’ll have to, it doesn’t really matter. You’ve got your boyfriend, he’s got you, and you’ve never been better.

Theo presses a kiss to your cheek before opening the passenger side door of his truck. “What do you say we get out of here?”

You laugh. “Sounds great to me.”

Theo smiles too, climbing back into the driver’s side and taking off into the night. You watch the streetlights speed past you, smears of off-white and buzzing gold against the dark air. Theo navigates his way out of the endless maze of suburbs and cul-de-sacs before you’re out in uncharted territory.

You and Theo have christened a spot on the outside of Beacon Hills as yours and yours alone. The Beacon Hills Preserve is in sight, but not all that close. Too many bad supernatural encounters in those woods have somewhat lessened your favor of them. Instead, Theo parks his car on the edge of a field, letting the tall grass and wildflowers brush against his cars. The sky is wide, open as far as the eye can see. It is absolutely perfect.

Theo grabs a blanket from the backseat and spreads it across the bed of his truck. He climbs in first, then holds out a hand to help you in. You lie down on your back so you can watch the stars, leaning against Theo. His hand traces gentle patterns on your arm, soft and soothing. The night is cool, making you curl closer against him. Overhead, the constellations wink and blink, promising stories that only you could ever dare to read.

You blink once and dawn is upon you. The sun is already climbing well into the sky, coloring clouds into rose and flaxen yellow. At first, you’re content to just lie there and marvel at how easy it was to fall asleep until it occurs to you that you weren’t supposed to do that at all.

One glance at the screen of your phone has you swearing under your breath. Theo is asleep by your side, and you frantically shake him awake. He’s slow to come to consciousness at first, but he’s active in seconds when you tell him what time it is. Both of you overslept by a lot, and you overshot the time you were supposed to make it back to your house by a couple of hours. Derek shouldn’t be up, not yet, but you wouldn’t put it past him to check your room. You’ve been known to sneak out in the past, and after the lecture you got last time, you really, really don’t want to be caught again.

Theo’s rushing the whole way back, relying on his supernatural senses to stay out of an accident. That, and the fact that no one is on the road at this hour of the morning. You imagine what a picture the two of you must make– most people just starting to wake up, the earliest risers starting their cars in their garages, while you and Theo are booking it down the road out of fear that your brother would figure out what you’ve done.

Theo brings his truck to a stop close to your house. He peppers apologies in between kisses, then urges you to hurry before it’s too late. You wave goodbye, then take the steps of the fire escape two at a time in your haste to get back inside. You raise your window and climb inside. You hear no sound anywhere else in the apartment, and you have just enough time to thank your lucky stars that you managed to get away with this when the lights flick on, revealing Derek waiting in the shadows.

It takes everything in you to bite back a startled scream. “Jeez, Derek, try not to give me a heart attack, will you?” You clutch a hand to your chest, trying to stop the accursed organ from jumping out of your chest.

Derek doesn’t look remotely sympathetic to your situation. “Why, so you can see that Raeken boy again? I know where you were.”

You wince. “You do.”

“I do,” Derek confirms, “and you’re lucky today’s a school day, or I’d be yelling at you here and now. As it is, you have to get ready or you’re going to miss the bus. Do that and I’ll be even more mad than I am now.”

“I didn’t know it was possible for you to be more mad,” you joke weakly.

“It’s not,” Derek says with a glare, and storms out into the hall.

You collapse to your bed, one hand rising to your head. You really hadn’t wanted Derek to find out, but of course he’d known all along. Derek’s a survivor, he has been all this time. That means he has the instincts of someone searching for all the clues you’re trying to keep hidden. You have the school day as a buffer, but after that, you’re totally done for.

Sure enough, Derek is waiting for you, arms folded across his chest, the moment you close the door behind you in the afternoon. Not only that, but Peter Hale is lounging on the couch, languidly flipping through the day’s newspaper.

You arch a brow at your uncle. “You brought Peter into this?”

Derek groans. “He’s a figure of authority. I thought you’d respect him if you can’t respect me.”

You grin. “Are you sure that was a good idea?”

Across the room, Peter chuckles. “Of course it was. There’s nothing Derek likes more than someone who gives him even more gray hairs than you.”

You and Derek turn to shout at the same time. “Shut up!”

Peter holds up his hands in mock surrender, still laughing under his breath.

Derek looks back at you, brow furrowed. “We’re not talking about Peter, we’re talking about you. You snuck out of this apartment for the fifth time this month. I’ve told you to stay away from Theo, but you were with him. Want to explain yourself?”

“We’re dating,” you say as casually as you can.

Derek pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why? The guy tried to kill Scott and he’s probably angling to kill you. I’m not telling you all this just because I like hearing the sound of my own voice, you know. I’m trying to keep you alive.”

You scoff. “Yeah, because you’ve got a great history with your girlfriends. Weren’t you dating Kate Argent? You know, the one who burned our house down?”

Peter takes this as his sign to add his two cents. “She’s not wrong, you know.”

Derek repeats his sentiment for Peter to shut up at the same time as you encourage your uncle to keep talking. This earns you a swat to the shoulder, and your older brother picks up his lecture again.

“I’m not the one who’s being reprimanded, Y/N, that would be you. I’m serious, you have to stay away from Theo. He’s no good for you.”

“How would you know?” You counter, “all you ever do is try to be as overprotective as you can. I mean, have you ever considered the possibility that I know what I’m doing?”

Derek exhales slowly. “I know you’re capable, but you never know. I’m just trying to keep you safe, is that really so bad?”

You give him a steady look. “When you’re being this overinvolved in my life, yes it is.”

Derek opens his mouth to argue with that, but he’s interrupted by a knock at the door. He tilts his head to the side for a second, listening for heartbeats, then mutters something under his breath about Scott McCall always needing something at the worst possible time.

You interpret that as your chance to escape, so you do so with great excitement. Derek shouts that this isn’t over as you go, but you’re fairly sure it is. 

As you hurry past, Peter calls after you. “The back door is still unlocked, by the way. Derek will be busy for the next half hour or so.”

You grin. “Have I ever mentioned that you’re my favorite Hale?”

“Be sure to bring that up the next time I kill someone,” Peter grumbles, “I could use someone on my side for once.”

It’s hard to control your laugh as you head towards the back exit of the apartment. You text Theo on your way out, and soon enough you’re in his truck once again, speeding away from Derek and his suffocating tendencies as quickly as you can.

Theo shoots you a nervous look as he eases to a stop at a red light. “You’re sure everything is alright? I mean, Derek’s wrath is legendary.”

You shake your head. “We’ll be fine. Derek will stomp around for another day or so, but he doesn’t have it in him to hold grudges for long.”

Theo smiles. “As long as you’re sure about it. I don’t want to get in between you and your brother.”

“You won’t,” you assure him, “we’ve had bigger fights over much less, trust me.”

Theo assures you that he does, and you let the road disappear behind you along with your troubles. As you drive, though, your uneasiness doesn’t dissipate as quickly as usual. 

A few minutes later, you think something is wrong. Glancing back, you whisper something to Theo. “Is it just me, or has that car been following us for a while?”

Theo checks his rearview mirror, then curses. “No, you’re right. That’s a hunter, I recognize the license plate. Hold tight, I’ll try to lose him.”

Theo takes a few sporadic turns, but even his best attempts can’t shake the guy. What’s more, cars appear out of the surrounding streets, slowly but surely forcing Theo to head towards the Preserve and out of sight of any passersby. The hunters stop near the mouth of the woods, and Theo has to park as well lest he risk getting in a crash.

The two of you watch the hunters emerge from their cars, weapons in hand. “Stay in the truck,” Theo tells you, “I’ll take care of this.”

“Not a chance,” you argue, “there are too many of them, we’re doing this together.”

Theo looks like he wants to argue, but you’re already reaching for the door and stepping outside. The hunters issue out the usual threats about wanting to run all supernaturals out of town and whatnot. Thankfully, they aren’t a patient bunch, and so you’re able to skip to the fight before too long.

This isn’t your first bad encounter with the hunters of Beacon Hills, nor will it be the last. You extend your claws, letting your eyes glow. Supernatural strength courses over you and you charge. Despite the fact that the two of you are crazily outnumbered, you and Theo have one thing that the hunters don’t:  an absolute unwillingness to lose.

That’s what you think about when enemy blood is shed, when you snap knives and break guns and refuse to let your fear get the best of you. That’s what you think about when the number of hunters starts to dwindle, when they choose to run into the woods or drive away rather than join their friends in agony on the ground.

That’s why you win, you think. At last, you straighten up and look at Theo. Both of you are alive, and the remaining hunters are fleeing as quickly as they can. You start to smile, but before you can say too much, another voice encapsulates your thoughts.

“That way went better than I expected.”

You whip around to see Derek emerging from his car a few paces away, blinking in surprise. He gestures between the hunters on the ground and you and Theo. “You know, I came all this way to save your asses, but it looks like you’ve already done that.”

“Maybe it’s because I can trust Theo to keep me alive.” You say pointedly.

Derek stares at you a second longer, then sighs and gives in. “Fine, fine. The two of you can keep on seeing each other. Just don’t make that sneaking out stuff a habit.”

You wait until Derek gets back in his car and drives away before daring to look at Theo. Silently, he raises his arms in victory, making you laugh. Maybe Derek isn’t completely beyond reasoning. And maybe, just maybe, you can have both your boyfriend and your brother on your side. Impossibilities were made to be disproven.

teen wolf tag list: @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @rafecameronswhore, @bellabadacadabra, @23victoria,

[muffinsin]

Loove the angsty posts! May I request another one, if you're okay with it: their human s/o choose not to be infected with cadou and age like normal. How do the girls react to this and cope with the idea of losing their s/o to mortality? As usual thank you for sharing your lovely writing!

-👀 anon

Very interesting concept!👀, let’s get into it!

Masterlist 1

Masterlist 2

Bela

She doesn’t understand…

Now, she didn’t spring the idea on you very early on- merely a year into being together seriously

Her goal was to ensure she didn’t scare you off

However, she has always believed your answer would be ‘yes’

She is infected! It’s only logical that you are too!

She can’t understand your choice and is quite upset by it

Is she supposed to live on forever while you succumb to old age?

Is she supposed to be thankful for the limited time you have?

It’s not only the age, after all. Your safety too!

Being infected would allow you to protect yourself properly! And endure more!

She is completely baffled that you don’t agree

She will, however, not force you into it

But oh dear, she is very passive aggressive about it. She doesn’t want to let go of this

You feel pain? Very well, you wouldn’t as much if you were infected

You’re sad about aging? Prepare for a whole scolding from her

She hates the idea of losing you to mortality, something she cannot control

This only becomes worse as you grow older

She feels as though she is running out of time with you

A human’s lifetime is barely a blink to her. She could live a hundred lifetimes!

But truly, what are they worth living without you?

As time goes by, she keeps trying to convince you. She won’t force it, but hope you will “see reason”

If you don’t, she will be with you until your end

Cassandra

She is enraged!

How could you deny such a thing? A lifetime- no, a million lifetimes- together!

Strength, power

Happiness! Love! Her!

How could you possibly turn your back on that?!

She is angry at your answer. She expected you to agree

For a short amount of time, she refuses to see you

She’s angry, and in pain

How can she not be, if she knows she will lose you eventually and there is not a thing she can do about it?

Her pain will eventually mold into doubt

Why would she be with you, if she knows it will not last? If she knows death will take you no matter her efforts?

She can’t imagine a life without you

She can’t even imagine a life of you old and weak while she has not aged a day

And, she cannot understand why you would want this. Mortality, really?!

Hours drag into days, weeks

She is unable to face you, avoids you completely to the point she doesn’t even sleep in your shared room anymore

Eventually, she forces herself to see you. She does miss you

Her first question; have you changed your mind?

She doesn’t even want to imagine a life with a human, someone so- temporary. She can live on forever! Why can’t you?!

She has a very hard time supporting you in your choice

She just can’t. All she thinks about is losing you eventually

As days grow into weeks, months and years, she will keep asking, begging even

She loves you and doesn’t want to let go. Yet, this is causing her pain

She can’t live in the moment if she knows you will be taken from her

She struggles with the relationship a lot as she knows it will eventually end

Often she thinks of ending things early to avoid pain, yet is unwilling to part from you.

It is bitter agony to her, until the day you pass away peacefully from old age

Daniela

She’s hurt by your decision. Don’t you want to be with her forever?

Well, yes…only is your forever a lot shorter than hers

She is angry, and sad, and confused. A dangerous combination

With her mind on the brink of a meltdown, it is up to her sisters to keep her from forcing the infection onto you, as well as to avoid her sickle in your throat

She just wants to be with you! Permanently! And it angers her that this isn’t a possibility, it seems

Daniela will go with the avoiding route

She doesn’t want to see you, but will want to know she’s still on your mind

After days, she is ready to face you

She will ask you nearly every day if you have changed your mind

She always imagined growing old together, but…not this way

This is so wrong to her! She doesn’t want to lose you!

She figures, if you cannot be with her, maybe she can be with you!

For weeks Bela and Alcina are bugged constantly, asked questions about reverting the cadou

Daniela wants to be…human

Of course, this doesn’t work

She’s heartbroken when she realizes this too

You’re lost and there is nothing she can do

She has such a hard time appreciating the time she has left with you

Still, she sticks with you, side by side, even cares for you when you’re old

Just before she can tell you don’t have much time left, she will ask again

[poppitron360]

VALGRACE ANGST!!!!

I just wrote this, and I’m gonna post it now before I can change my mind.

Summary: Jason tells Leo “I love you”- Angst ensues.

CW: Swearing, Angst (Have I mentioned there’s angst?)

Word Count: 742

“I love you.”

The words were a barely audible whisper in the dark, but Leo definitely heard them. He squirmed, wriggling away from Jason’s clutches.

“No… it’s not true… I don’t believe you.”

Jason’s face fell. He tried to step towards Leo, but Leo backed away.

“Leo-“ Jason began, then hesitated. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out, I- I just-“

“It- it’s not true,” Leo repeated. Fear flashed in his eyes.

“It is true, Leo. Maybe it’s a little too early to say it, I dunno, but I mean it. I love you.”

“Liar!” Leo yelled, “How- How can anyone…”

“Leo…”

“It’s not true. Jason, say it’s not true. Take it back. Take it back!”

Jason didn’t understand why Leo was acting this way. He’d really thought that Leo would be pleased- “I love you” is a good thing, right? And he’d hoped Leo had felt the same way, although he didn’t wanna pressure him to say it back. But for Leo to pull away from him, begging him to take those words back, words that Jason had filled with so much feeling and emotion-

“How can you say that you… love me?” Leo said, “What is there to love?”

“What? Leo-“

“I’m nothing-“ Leo cried, “I’m just a broken mess. You don’t love me.”

“Leo, listen-“

“You think you might be in love with me but you’re not, Jason. You just… you only love the person I pretend to be. If you saw who I am inside… you’d run. You’d abandon me just like everyone else did. Just like they’ll always do.”

Jason didn’t know what to do. Leo was backed against the wall now, his big brown eyes welling with tears. He looked so… frightened. Jason felt horrible. He’d totally freaked Leo out with his confession.

“Leo…” Jason dropped his voice to a calm, assuring whisper, “I do love you. I see who you are behind that mask, your faults, your insecurities. I don’t care. I don’t care that you’re a mess. I don’t care that you’re broken. I love you.”

“Take it back!”

“I won’t take it back, Leo. I lo-”

“TAKE IT BACK, JASON!!!!” Leo screamed, “Please… I lost Festus. I lost my mom. I lost everyone who ever claimed they loved me. I don’t wanna lose you too.”

“No, Leo…”

“I’m cursed, Jason,” Leo said, “You can’t fall in love with someone like me. It will only doom you to failure. I-I can’t allow myself to love you back. I can’t take comfort in you knowing that I’m hurting you.”

“Leo, you’re not cursed,” Jason told him, “You could never hurt me.”

“Just like how I could never hurt my mom?” Leo yelled, “All I do is hurt, Jason. All I do is destroy. How can you love something like that?”

Nothing Jason could do would comfort Leo. He wouldn’t let him touch him, would deny any attempts to reassure him. Jason felt absolutely helpless. But he was not taking those words back. He meant every syllable.

“I love you.”

“No-”

“I love you.”

“Jason, why are you doing this?” Leo pleaded, “Just go. Leave. Save yourself.”

“I love you.”

Leo just sobbed. He crumpled to the ground. Jason crouched down next to him, pulling him into his arms and cradling him as he shook.

“I love you.”

His voice was barely a whisper. Leo’s breathing was shaky and shallow.

“No…” Leo whimpered, weaker this time. Jason grieved for the boy in his arms, for his inability to take comfort in words like that. For his loss of joy and hope- how he depended on a fake persona to feel like he deserved love. For how he refused to believe anyone could truly see him. Jason wanted more than anything for Leo to feel happy at his confession of love, he wanted Leo to experience the same joys as he felt when he was close to him, but it will forever be tainted with fear for Leo.

“I love you.”

He sat, holding Leo’s tiny trembling body as he sobbed.

And then, Leo said it. He uttered that dreaded incantation that he was convinced would seal Jason’s fate. Jason could hear the melancholy and mourning in Leo’s voice. They were meant to be wonderful, joyous words, but Leo said them with such fear and regret.

“I… I love you too.”

He confessed the terrible truth, and his words rang out like a funeral bell.

[ghost9whore]

Lightning’s Reign and Thunder’s Roar VI

Male oc x house of the dragon

This one’s for you @jamieclearwater2314

His soft mews were enough to make any man lose his head.

The way his body moved under mine made heart race.

The loss of him would start a war

(Rhaenys’ P.O.V)

“It’s the King’s tournament for his heir and your father is on the king’s small council.” I told my youngest son

“I understand that but why do I have to go?” My son asked back

“It’s rude for you not to go and you’ll be able to see your cousin Rhaenyra” I countered

“No that’s not what I mean it’s just, Queen Aemma has had 4 pregnancies in the past year every one of them has died” Caserys remarked

“Sigh I know but we still have to go for your father and the king.” I finally spoke

That seemed to get through my youngest’s head. He agreed to go but however became excited for it when he learned Daemon would be coming as well.

The Next Day

I decided to accompany my husband on the boat instead of riding Meleys and racing Caserys on Rayraxs. Caserys had struggled in taming his dragon but, one day it seemed like they had clicked. Rayraxs listened to Caserys and Caserys only. My son had still refused to hold his dragon in the dragon pit but didn’t ask my husband and I to make a space for him. They flew together with a speed that is unmatched. Meleys and I were once known as the fastest but upon inspection at my son we were quickly outmatched.

(Caserys’ P.O.V)

King’s Landing hasn’t changed it still has the same stink it always does. The smell of wine and sex an unforgiving scent. I wished to ride on my dragon however Rayraxs had to stay on the far side of the kingdom as to not frighten the people and because I still refused to hold him in the dragon pit.

I was walking around the halls of the King’s Castle when I stumbled upon my cousin Rhaenyra. She hadn’t seem to notice me. She was lost walking away from her mother’s room. I swiftly walked up behind her to spook her and make my presence known.

“Hello dear cousin” I started

“Hello Caserys you startled me” she responded

I linked my arm under hers as we continued to walk.

“How are you doing cousin?” I asked her

“I’m well excited for the tournament” she replied

“Haha I mean with your mothers pregnancy. You will not be the only child anymore” I continued

“I’m happy that my father will finally have his son and I hope that my mother doesn’t have to continue having children.” she confessed

Her confession did startle me. Normally it would be considered treasonous for someone to wish the queen would stop having children and it’s uncouth for the princess to admit that. She as well seemed startled.

“I’m sorry I don’t know why I told you that please don’t tell-“

“Rhaenyra it’s ok I won’t tell anyone” I cut her off comforting her

Rhaenyra’s face soften at my statement. She thanked me and told me she had to go as she was late for her father’s meeting. I didn’t believe we were close enough to share things like that. So why did she tell me that?

(Daemon’s P.O.V)

Walking up the steps of the Castle of King’s Landing feels much better knowing the gold cloaks and I made this city much safer and that this castle would one day be mine.

Entering the throne room I see my prize. What everything I have done has been for, my seat, my power. The Iron Throne. Sitting on this throne feels even better I connect to the seat as if it was made for me. Reveling in my throne I’m interrupted as my niece walks in.

“What are you doing uncle?” she asks me in High Velaryon

“Sitting” I chuckle responding back in Velaryon

(Caserys’ P.O.V)

The cliff near the back of the king’s castle were the only space big enough that could hold Rayraxs as the dragon pit wasn’t a suitable option and he desired to be close to me. I had told him to stay yet if I was in danger he would destroy the entire city trying to look for me. My mother instructed me to greet my father and the king after their small council meeting. Then, after I was to ready myself for the heir’s tournament my mother said that the king was never truly a dragon rider so dragon back wasn’t his favorite scent.

Getting closer to the small council room I hear speaking it’s coming from the council room. I investigate the sound to find a small crack in the wall near the room. This crack is not guarded and is secluded enough that no one could see me here. I begin to listen to the conversation so that I’m able to hear

“Queen Aemma must have this child, If the realm is left to Daemon it will devolve into madness.”

“Daemon is the king’s heir and until this child comes he will stay the king’s heir”

“I can offer a different solution for a different heir.” This voice I recognized as my father

“Corlys you would have your wife as the heir?”

“Rhaenys was stepped over but has produced two male heirs. The throne should go through us.” My father responded to the man

“Enough because you sit as the King’s table does not make you his equal. You forgot yourself Corlys.”

“Your son Caserys would make a better whore than king” another man said

That statement about me was something I had heard before as well as my father. However, that still didn’t hold his anger I could hear him stand up and slam his hands on the table as he stood up.

“Silence do not speak ill of Lord Corlys’ son. My son will be born soon and I will not hear anymore of this until he is” The voice spoke that I recognized as King Viserys

The meeting was coming to an end I needed to leave to be able to greet my father and the king. I slipped out of the crack and walked a few steps down before walking back to see my father exiting the small council room. He looked a little disturbed his hand reached for my arm as he pulled me away before anyone else could see me.

“What are you doing here?” He asked me angrily as looked around

“I had to come to greet you and the King” I told him

“Not here you can greet the King at the tournament” he spoke to me

I could tell he was angry at the the man would made the whore comment at me but I didn’t want to bring it up as he would be angrier that I was listening. I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that the man was right.

I would make a better whore than anything…

The tournament felt as a cover. That their was an underlying issue that wasn’t being spoken about. King Viserys had left halfway. The first tournament player has asked for my mother’s blessing calling her the queen who never was a restraining title. Daemon had asked for Rhaenyra’s friend Alicent’s favor which felt like he was mocking me and the last player named Criston Cole had asked for Rhaenyra’s favor. In the end Criston Cole had won the tournament but the news spread of Queen Aemma’s death and suddenly no one could care for the tournament. Rhaenyra, Alicent, and Daemon had all left my parents as well.

The news was found out to be true. Queen Aemma and her son Prince Baelon had passed away. Their funeral were to take place in the morning. How quickly this joyous day has turned sad. Rayraxs had been staying away as he wouldn’t stay in dragon pit but wasn’t allowed free reign. The funeral was to be as expected. Rhaenyra seemed more angry at her father than mournful with him.

Daemon spooked up behind me.

“Such a tragic what happened to the King’s Heir” he spoke in a whispered manner but I felt the bits of malice in his voice.

He spoke and walked away before I could response to him walking towards Rhaenyra. His expression changed and softened when he spoke to Rhaenyra it seems his words continued to fuel her anger towards her father. Syrax was waiting on top of a rock near Queen Aemma and Prince Baelon’s bodies. Rhaenyra looked to her father to say the word but he was too choked up. That seemed to anger her more and she spoke the command words instead of her father.

“Dracarys” she said with tears in her eyes.

And with the fire went King Viserys’ heir

The whole castle was in mourning of the Queen and Prince’s death or so I thought.

I heard that Daemon rented out an entire whore house in the street of silk to celebrate his new throne. His entire city watch in toe.

Listening to my father speak about Daemon’s actions made me wonder how the King reacted. It didn’t take long before I learned that Daemon had been disowned as heir. He had no heir so my father told me that Otto Hightower had recommended another person. My father told me this because she was my friend and cousin. He felt that our houses should have been united and we should keep the Targaryen’s close.

The King’s heir is

Rhaenyra Targaryen

A/N: it’s been a while and I’ve been very busy with finals but now it’s over and I have something else in store that I’m excited to share

[ellies-little-thing]

i can't believe you've done that (e.w.)

My masterlist <3

pairing: ellie williams x reader

DO NOT READ IF CHEATING AND DRINKING TRIGGER YOU

pure angst 

Warnings: Angst; Cheating; modern Ellie; swearing; fluf; arguing; Ellie is mean;  drinking;  mentions of drinking; love/hate relationship; inplied violence ; Kind of proofread, English is not my first language.

Author's notes: This one is just really sad, i cried writing it. Nothing sexual, just simply very sad and upseting. You are warned! Enjoy! I hope you like it! Likes, reblogs and comments are always welcome! <3

NSFW MINORS AND MEN DN

W/C: 5.3k

You and Ellie were arguing. Lately you two have been arguing more and more each day that passes. Ellie’s drinking just makes everything worse. You don’t know what happened to her.. maybe it was stress or something, or Dina’s snake tongue seducing her everytime she could.But tonight, this argument was different, it was more intense than the others…

You were trying to calm down, but it just made you more angry.. she just started yelling louder and louder at you. Suddenly, she stops yelling and says in a monotonous tone

“We should take a break..” Ellie said this with a cold tone, she wasn’t even looking at you...

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I said we need to take a break.. is there something you don’t understand about that?”

“Why?”

“It’s pretty obvious why! We fight all the time. We can’t go one day without a big argument and honestly it’s making me miserable. We’re just not good for each other.”

“Maybe because you start all the fights!”

“You know that’s not true! Sometimes you start them too.. and even then, you always blow everything out of proportion and act like it’s only my fault. I can’t do this anymore.”

“And here I was thinking you actually loved me, but I'm always wrong am i not?”

“What? I do love you.. that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t handle this anymore. I do still love you, I just can’t keep doing this. I’m sorry but I think we need some time apart from each other.”

“Whatever Ellie, do whatever you want but if you leave now, I will not let you back in. I'm tired of you hurting me.”

“You’re the one hurting me! I’ve been trying to get you to understand that, but you refuse to listen. Your stubbornness is exactly why I’ve decided to leave, so this is your fault!” Ellie storms out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

“Fuck... I can't believe this...“ You sit on the floor against the wall. After a few minutes of silence, you hear a knock at the door. “Who is it?” You say sobbing. “Please just let me in.. I’m really sorry. I love you and I don’t want us to leave things like this.” Ellie sounds heartbroken. “You were the one who wanted to leave!”

“I know.. I was just so frustrated and angry.. Please don’t do this. Just.. open the door..” She’s trying to keep her voice stable and not cry. “I'm tired ellie. tired of you hurting me. maybe it is for the best” You start crying again. Ellie knocks on the door again, her desperation is becoming stronger. She’s crying a lot now too “Please, Y/N… I can’t be without you.. I don’t want this to be the end for us.. open the door.. pleaaaase.. I’m sorry for everything. Please.. please, let me in…”

“Why? so you can break my heart again and again? No thank you.”

“No.. I promise. I swear I would never.. I just.. I can’t be without you. I love you too much. I was just really dumb. Just.. please, forgive me. It won’t happen again..” Ellie begins sobbing. You open the door without looking at Ellie and leave it open for her to enter as you sit on the living room couch. Ellie immediately enters the apartment and runs over to you, falling to the floor next to you and hugging you tightly. Through sobs she says, muffled by your shoulder because she’s hugging you “I’m sorry, I’m so.. so sorry Y/N.. please.. just forgive me. You mean everything to me.. I can’t lose you. Please..”

“You were the one that wanted to leave…” You say to the auburn haired girl.

“Just please, please listen to what I have to say.. I just wanted some time to calm down and clear my head.. I’m sorry I didn’t say that right away. I was just so frustrated at the moment. Please don’t do this. I love you so much.. please, I just don’t want to lose you.. I promise things will be different from now on, I won’t leave, I won’t hurt you, I promise..”

“I'll give you one last chance, that's it. But i want to sleep alone tonight, you can sleep here on the couch. I need to be alone for a bit.”

“Ok.. I understand.. Just please promise me that you don’t really want to leave me.. I couldn’t handle losing you like this.. please.”

“I never wanted that! The only person that wanted to leave was you!” You go to the bedroom and close the door. Ellie sits on the sofa, waiting for you to come out of the bedroom. She looks down at her phone and picks it up. She’s about to send you a text when she stops herself.  ”I shouldn’t text her right now, she said she wanted some alone time” So, Ellie stays silent and waits for you to come out of the bedroom.

You try to lay down and rest on the bed, but Ellie really hurts you this time. You lay in your bed and close your eyes trying to relax, but the tension between you and Ellie is still lingering in the air. After a few minutes, you notice that your phone has buzzed. You pick up your phone and you check your messages to see Ellie has sent you a text message. You pick up your phone and see the message that reads: “I miss you.. I love you.. I’m in the living room if you need anything, I’ll be waiting.” “We'll talk tomorrow, good night” You respond without a second thought and put the phone down on your bedside table and try to sleep. Soon after, you are able to. In the middle of the night, you wake up suddenly because you hear a loud noise from the living room. You look at the clock and notice it’s 4am. You get out of bed and walk slowly to the living room to see what all the fuss is about. You open the bedroom door, sleepy.  "What the fuck is going on?"

“Oh.. uh.. hi, sweetie.. you were sleeping?” Ellie looks a little nervous, she’s just staring at the TV screen which is displaying a news channel. The news channel is talking about the ongoing protests and war in the Middle East.. On the table next to Ellie’s chair is an open bottle of whiskey and it seems like Ellie has taken a few sips from it. “You gotta be kidding me… Why are you drinking?” She gives you a slightly embarrassed but sad smile “Oh, well.. I was just trying to take my mind off things.. I’m sorry for making a lot of noise, I’ll try to keep quiet.” Ellie looks really tired and upset, she’s rubbing her eyes and looks like she wants to cry. “Ellie, I thought we talked about this, no more drinking.”

“I know.. I know.. but I just can’t deal with everything right now.. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.. I promise.. I’ll just try to go back to sleep.” Ellie’s voice is a little slurred and she seems a little intoxicated. As she stands up, she almost falls but quickly regains her balance, almost dropping the whiskey bottle in the process. “I can't believe you…” You go to the bedroom and slam the door. “Y/N! Wait! Ellie quickly follows after you, knocking on the door. A little tipsy from the whiskey. “Please, baby.. just answer me. Are you ok? Just open the door, please!”

“Go back to your bottle! You like it better than me anyways…”

“What? No, of course I like you more.. Please, don’t say that.. I don’t wanna lose you. I swear, I don’t wanna drink anymore, it was just a moment of weakness but I’ll stop, I swear. Just… please.. it’s only been a few minutes, let me in. Please…” Ellie is getting really desperate at this point. “Let me sleep!” She's now knocking harder and harder. “Y/N! PLEASE! I love you and I’m sorry, I just want to be with you, please don’t push me away like this! Please open the door!”

“We’ll talk in the morning, leave me be, please…” Ellie’s eyes start filling with tears. “Y/N… please.. I can’t do this.. I can’t have you ignore me for the whole night.. I need to be with you.. let me in, please!”

“It's 4 am Ellie, let me sleep.” Ellie gets on her knees and hugs the door frame to the bedroom. “Please, Y/N, I won’t disturb you at all, just let me lie next to you.. It’s been hours since we talked and I can’t handle it anymore.. please, just.. just let me lie next to you.. Just to sleep.. please.. I need this.” Ellie’s eyes are tearing up and she’s looking at the door with watery eyes, begging you to open it. “Empty the bottle on the sink if you really mean it.” Ellie quickly gets up, stumbles a little bit because of the alcohol and quickly opens the bottle and pours all the whiskey out in the kitchen sink. “There.. I hope that’s proof that I mean what I said.. Now please, please let me in..”

“Fine” You open the bedroom door and you're crying. “Now let me sleep.”

“Thank you, baby..” Ellie quickly walks into the bedroom and falls into the bed. She wraps her arms around you and tries to hold you tight to her, she is still sobbing a little bit and she says in an almost whisper. “I love you so much, Y/N. I’m so sorry.. please forgive me.” You say nothing and try to sleep. She pulls herself close to you and hugs you even tighter, she’s holding you as tight as she can as she closes her eyes and tries to fall asleep. After a few minutes you can slightly hear her whispers. “Thank you.. I love you….” Ellie is still holding you tightly and she’s sobbing softly. You try not to move and eventually fall back asleep. After a few minutes, Ellie slowly falls asleep and her sobbing eventually stops. She is now sleeping peacefully, her head is resting on your chest and she has one arm wrapped around you. She is mumbling in a quiet voice. “Y/N.. I love you.. Y/N..”

"I can't believe this, I can't believe her." You think to yourself. After some time, Ellie slightly wakes up and she smiles slightly when she sees you. She is still holding you and she mumbles “Y/N… I love you.. so much.” Ellie starts closing her eyes again and slowly falls back asleep, still holding onto you. As the morning comes you get up out of bed and Ellie keeps sleeping. Ellie stays asleep for a few more hours. She wakes up, slowly stretches and looks up at you. She's still groggy. “Y/N? What time is it? I didn’t realize I fell asleep like this.” Ellie is still half asleep as she continues to rub her eyes and shake the sleepiness off, she seems really tired. Ellie smiles at you and yawns, she stretches another time and then gets out of bed. You were getting dressed. “I’m gonna get me some coffee, do you want some?” “No.” You say dryly. “Ok, I will anyway…” Ellie walks out of the bedroom and comes back a few minutes later with two mugs of coffee in her hands. She hands you one of the mugs and smiles. “Here, I thought you might want coffee too.” “Thanks, I guess…” Ellie nods and sits down next to you on the sofa and takes a sip of her coffee.“I was really worried about you last night after you started drinking..” She says after taking a sip  of her coffee” I just want you to know that I never wanna drink again, I just wanted to try and forget about everything.. I didn’t know what to do and I was just trying to escape my feelings.. but it was a mistake.. I’m so sorry.. I just don’t wanna lose you..”

“Ellie, I'm really tired of your drinking.”

“I know, I’m really, really sorry, I won’t do it again, I promise” Ellie sips some of her coffee before looking back at you and smiling slightly. “Y/N, can we talk for a second? I still want to explain why I was so angry at you yesterday.. it.. it’s just, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

“Talk.” You say angrily. Ellie sets her coffee mug aside and turns to face you. “Ok, so.. I have something I want to tell you, but I’m a little scared to say it.I have had so many thoughts and feelings lately and I don’t know how to deal with them, and I don’t want to hurt you, but I think I need to tell you.” Ellie takes a deep breath. She takes another deep breath before finally speaking “I.. I think I might be pregnant.”

“What are you talking about? How? Were both girls you idiot, how could you be pregnant? Are you still drunk?” Ellie’s face is bright red and she looks really nervous “Sorry, that wasn't what I meant to say.” Ellie seems really really nervous for saying that, and she’s anxiously waiting for your reaction.  “Y/N I-… I.. “ Ellie’s face gets even redder and she looks away, embarrassed and ashamed. “I know I hurt you, and did things that don't deserve forgiveness… but, please don’t leave me.. don’t leave me just because I-.. I understand if you need time to process, but please don’t leave, Y/N.. please.. I love you, and you will be the only woman I will ever love.. Please don’t judge me.. I’m still the same person I was before all the drinking and the arguing,please.. don’t leave me.. I need you, Y/N.” Ellie seems really nervous as she tries to convince you not to leave her.

“I'm not leaving. I should but i won’t” You say looking at the ground, you couldn't look at Ellie's face right now. Ellie is relieved to hear that you won’t leave her. “Thank you.. thank you...” Ellie is still a little nervous and she starts to rub her arm “Do you.. do you still love me?” Ellie looks at you directly, waiting for your answer. “Of course I do. otherwise i wouldn't be here.” You say brokenhearted, almost crying. “I’m really glad right now.. I’m so glad you’re not leaving me..” Ellie stands up and walks up to you and gives you a big hug, she hugs you tightly and presses her head against your chest. “Thank you so much, Y/N..” Ellie continues to hold you in her arms, her eyes slightly tearing up as she looks at you. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Y/N..”

“I have to go to work now, talk later ok?” You break the hug and walk a few steps backwards. She nods and smiles slightly. “Okay, I’ll see you tonight, ok? Love you.” Ellie gives you a little kiss on the cheek and then walks away, she goes into the bathroom and closes the door.. After some time, the sound of running water is heard and you realize that Ellie is taking a shower..

“See you later.”  You close the front door. You can slightly hear her voice in the bathroom. You hear the shower turn off and the bathroom door is opened. Ellie walks out with a towel around her and her hair still wet. She goes into the bedroom and changes into her clothes. After a few minutes, she comes back out and is dressed in some loungewear. You are gone now and Ellie is alone in your apartment. You can’t help but think about the situation. You are still shocked that Ellie drank so much, but at least you know everything now, or so you thought. Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted as you get a text from Ellie.

“Hey, sorry if I surprised you this morning.. I just wanted to tell you everything, I never meant to keep it from you. I hope I don’t lose you..” You don't respond as You're working and can't have your phone with you. Ellie texts again and again, each message more worried and scared than the last one. “Y/N, please.. Please just text me something, so I know that you’ve seen my messages about explaining everything, so that you’re not mad at me or that I won’t lose you.. I’m so, so, so sorry.. I should’ve been honest with you and told you earlier and I wouldn’t have to beg like this.. please.. please, Y/N.. say something to me..” She's getting a bit desperate now.

“Ellie, it's fine, please, I'm working we’ll and talking more when I get home.”

Ellie texts again “I understand.. It’s fine, please don’t worry, I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.. we’ll talk when you get home, ok? I Love you, don’t be all stressed out because of me…” At the end of the day you get home and are faced with Ellie in the living room. You walk through the front door and are surprised to see Ellie sitting on the sofa, waiting for you.

“Hey! I’m so glad you’re home..” Ellie quickly walks over to you and gives you a big hug, she is looking at you with pleading eyes and seems more nervous than you’ve ever seen her before. “We need to talk, Y/N..”

“Yeah, we do, I know…”

“Y/N, I don’t want to lose you, I love you so much and I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid about this.. I just.. I was scared and I thought you would hate me if I ever told you the truth, and I didn’t want to lose you.. Ellie’s voice is trembling slightly and she’s still holding you in her arms. “Please don’t hate me, Y/N.. I love you so, so much and I never meant to keep it from you, I promise.”

“I don't hate you… not really…”

“But do you love me?” Ellie tries to see your reaction and waits for your answer, her voice is still trembling and her eyes are tearing up a little bit. “I know this is a lot to take in, I’m really sorry.. I just.. I need to know if you still love me, Y/N.. please, tell me..”

“I still love you.” You say, sad. Ellie smiles slightly when she hears your words. “Oh, thank god.. I was so scared, I thought this was the end.” Ellie’s eyes tear up even more, she is relieved to hear that you still love her, but she is clearly very emotional now. “Thank you, do you.. will you still want to keep living with me.. and do you still want to be my girlfriend..?”

“Yes, but if you hurt me again I'll leave and not come back.” You say sternly looking at her. Ellie nods “Of course, I understand… I know that I messed up, but I would never hurt you purposely.. I’m really, really sorry that I kept this from you..” Ellie lets go of you and wipes off a few tears off her cheeks. “So.. we can still love each other? Do you still wanna.. kiss me?” Ellie is still nervous, but she is trying to be funny and lightens the mood a bit with a light tone.

“Ellie, why do you drink so much?” Ellie looks away slightly and seems slightly embarrassed before she responds. “Well.. I guess I started drinking because it helped me forget.. forget about my past and stuff like that…” Ellie shrugs slightly and looks back at you. “I know now that I shouldn’t rely on alcohol to make the bad feelings go away, but I.. I just don’t know how to deal with them.. drinking is just the only way I can drown them out.”

“I really thought when we got together that you would stop.” Ellie gets a little sad when she hears what you’ve just said and she looks down for a few seconds before responding. “I’m really sorry, I know how much it upsets you to see me like this.. to be honest.. I thought that maybe I could change when I got together with you.. and that maybe I could stop drinking and get over it.. but I.. I don’t want to make it sound like I was using you or something.. I’m really sorry..” Ellie takes a deep breath and looks back at you. You look into Ellie's eyes sadly. Ellie sighs and looks at you sadly as well.

“Y/N.. I will try to change, I promise.. I will try to stop drinking, I will try to not keep anything from you anymore, and I will definitely stop lying.. but I.. I just couldn’t tell you the truth about.. what I am.. I.. I was so, so scared of losing you, Y/N.. please don’t hate me for that, the thought of you losing faith in me, breaks my heart..” Ellie looks at you with pleading eyes. You hold Ellie's hand and slowly stroke it. She takes your hand and tightly grips it, holding it in hers. “Thank you, Y/N...” Ellie smiles at you and leans in for a kiss. “I love you, Y/N.. please don’t leave me.. I don’t know what I would do without you.. I’m so scared of losing you..” Ellie smiles gently as she continues to hold your hand and smiles at you. You can tell she still feels bad for keeping everything from you. You simply hug her. Ellie hugs you tightly and pulls you close to her. “I love you so much, Y/N.. thank you.. I won’t make these mistakes again, I promise..” Ellie wraps her arms around you and holds you tightly in her embrace. “I can never thank you enough for still loving me, after everything that I’ve done and everything that you know about me, I.. I could never find someone else like you.” Ellie looks at you and smiles as she kisses your forehead, then she gets up from the couch and goes to the balcony to smoke a cigarette, and leaves her phone on the living room's coffee table. She takes out a cigarette and lights it before taking a few puffs. Ellie mumbles something and then sighs angrily “God, this cigarette tastes awful..” Ellie takes another long puff as she looks at the city's lights.

You look at Ellie's phone and it buzzes as the name "Dina" can be read with a text saying. "Hey are we meeting tonight after all?" You get furious. You knew something was up with that raven haired girl but you tried to ignore it for the sake of your relationship with Ellie. She puts out her cigarette and takes a deep breath before she walks back inside. 

“Ellie what the fuck? Are you actually joking, you're still talking to her?” Ellie’s eyes are filled with tears as she hears your words. Ellie looks up at you and wipes the tears off her face before responding calmly. “Calm down, Y/N, please I can explain!” Ellie sighs and walks over to you and puts her hands on your shoulders. “Dina is just a friend, she doesn’t mean anything to me and she never will, I love you and I only want to be with you..” Ellie smiles sweetly at you and caresses your cheek. “Let me show you how much you mean to me” Y/N..”

“Is she? I know you cheated on me with her!” Ellie looks directly at you with a confused expression.  “What? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never cheated on you,.. Who told you that? Is this all just some big misunderstanding?? I only love you and want to be with you, Y/N!” Ellie hugs you tightly, seeming scared and confused.  “You know that I’d never do that, you know that!! Please, believe me, Y/N..”

“Then explain to me why I saw you kissing her, that one time at Jesse's party while I went to the bathroom. Yes that's right, I saw you.” Ellie looks shocked as you mention this. “Is.. Is that what all this is about? I can’t believe you saw that, I.. I had forgotten that day completely... It was just.. it was.. it was nothing..” Ellie is still hugging you tightly. “I didn’t mean anything by that kiss, Y/N.. I-I was just.. I was so, so drunk... I really, really am sorry.. Please, don’t leave me!..”

“Drunk like always. Always the same excuse. Get away from me!” You broke the hug Ellie was giving you. Ellie sighs loudly. “I.. I guess I deserved that one.. just.. Please, Y/N, don’t leave me because of that.. I really can’t stand the thought of losing you.. I really am trying to be a better person and I promise you, it will never happen again..” Ellie looks into your eyes and her expression is full of worry and fear.  “Please, Y/N.. please, please don’t leave me.. I won’t be able to handle the heartbreak..”

“Block her number right now then!” You were furious. Ellie nods. “Fine.” Ellie quickly grabs her phone and blocks Dina’s phone number. She stands up and walks over to you and puts her phone back on the coffee table. Ellie sighs and looks at you sadly. “Please, don’t leave me, I really don’t want to upset you or make the same mistakes over and over again and never change at all.. I know I’m not the best person, but.. I am trying..”

“I'm going to bed.” You said sternly.  “Okay, alright.. Good night...” Ellie walks towards the bedroom as well, feeling tired and worn out. She lies on her back in bed, trying to fall asleep, but there are so many thoughts going through her mind. She can’t help but worry about her situation and how it will turn out. Will you still love her and forgive her for everything? Or will you leave her and break her heart? Ellie can’t handle the thought of losing you and the thought alone makes her feel sick..

As you slept, Ellie picked up her phone and unblocked Dina's number and texted her back. Ellie sends Dina a text message, trying to keep it as short as possible, because she doesn’t want to waste too much time on her phone and wake you up. “Hey, Dina.. Yeah, we’re still on for tonight, I can’t wait to see you again.” Ellie puts down her phone and looks down at her feet as more tears run down her cheeks. Ellie gets out of bed very carefully to not wake you up. Ellie thinks for a second and then she opens up the messaging app and texts Dina back. “I can’t wait to see you tonight..”  She quickly gets dressed and walks out of the room, closing the bedroom door behind her to make sure you don't wake up. She walks over to Dina’s place and rings the doorbell. After a few seconds, Dina opens the door and looks at Ellie. She smiles and steps aside, letting Ellie come in. “Hey, Ellie, you look tired..” Dina said as she opened the door and looked up at Ellie.

“Hey Dina, yeah, it’s a bit late.. I should probably be sleeping, but I just couldn’t help myself…” Ellie sees a bottle of wine on Dina’s coffee table, she walks over to the bottle of wine and pours herself a glass “Hey, Dina.. can I ask you something..?” Ellie takes a sip of her drink and smiles at Dina. “You know, there is something I just have to ask.. I’ve really been wanting to know the answer..” Ellie seems more relaxed than before, smiling slightly more and seeming less tense now that she has a drink in her hands again. “Do you.. um.. d.. do you have feelings for me?” Ellie’s expression is full of emotions and she seems a bit anxious to know what Dina’s answer is going to be. She tries to play it cool, but it seems like she really cares about Dina and she really doesn’t want to hear what her answer is going to be. Dina says yes and Ellie’s eyes light up and a smile spreads across her face once she hears what she said. “That is the answer I wanted to hear!..” Ellie takes a deep breath and smiles at her, seemingly very excited and happy. “I’ve been in love with you for so long, Dina, and I’ve never wanted to tell you, because I was afraid that this might ruin our friendship.. but I am just so happy to know that you feel the same way, Dina..”

Ellie now thinks of what she is doing to you and how much she's hurting you. Ellie sighs loudly and puts her head into her hands, feeling a bit overwhelmed by her emotions. “I.. I don’t know what to do, Dina… I know what I am doing to Y/N… I know that I am hurting her... but I… I don’t think I can stop.. And I don’t want to stop.. I don’t want to lose you too, Dina.. and I know that this isn’t right.. and.. and.. and I’m still not gonna change, am I?...” Dina doesn't care about you and only wants Ellie for herself even though she's the homewrecker in this situation.

“Why do you care so much about Y/N anyway? Yeah, you cheated on her with me and I know it’s a shitty thing to do, but that doesn’t mean you owe her anything! I know, I am probably a terrible person, but I don’t care, I love you, Ellie! And I don’t plan on changing my mind...” Ellie steps closer to Dina and wraps her arms around her trying to find some comfort. She kisses Dina as she is still talking, not trying to let her say too much now. “I don’t care, Dina! She.. she.. she isn’t important anymore, she… she can just go and find herself someone else.. I don’t need her and.. and..” Ellie seems really overwhelmed now, she doesn’t know what to say and she can’t help but smile at Dina. She starts kissing Dina more passionately now. “Fuck it” Ellie says as she takes Dina to her bedroom. Ellie smiles and walks with Dina to her room. Ellie lays her on her bed and sits down beside her, still holding her head. “I.. I really don’t want to leave Y/N, but.. but.. I can’t help but think that I am so much happier with you.. What we are doing is wrong, but I.. I just love you so much” Ellie smiles at Dina and brushes her hair away from her face. “Don’t you like this?”

You wake up and don't see Ellie anywhere in your apartment. You sit up in her bed and looks around, seeming a bit worried.  “Ellie? Where are you?..” you get up and walk around the apartment, looking for any signs of Ellie. “Ellie? Are you here?..” You start to get worried and go to the bathroom, hoping to find Ellie there. You text her. “ Where are you?” Ellie doesn’t answer her phone and continues making out with Dina in her bedroom.

“Oh no, no no no, no, no. This can’t be happening.. Ellie wouldn’t do this to me.. she.. she said she loved me, she said she wasn’t going to hurt me anymore..” You start to panic and walk out of the bedroom and into the living room. You tried to call Ellie again and send another text message. Ellie ignores her phone. She and Dina are too busy making out and don’t hear Ellie's phone notifications or her texts. “Ellie! Answer the goddamn phone! Where are you?! Why are you not answering me? Are you okay? Are you at Dina’s place?! Do you even remember my name anymore? Are you cheating on me, Ellie?!” You are starting to panic and start walking over to the bedroom, fearing the worst… You just give up and just lay on the bed crying alone. “Ellie, how could you do this to me? I thought we loved each other, I thought you were different..” You start putting all of Ellie's things in a bag so when she comes home she sees the note you wrote to her.

A couple hours later, Dina and Ellie are both lying next to each other on Dina’s bed, exhausted and both extremely satisfied. “I don’t want to go home yet, can I stay here with you?..” Ellie asks. “Of course you can, hun! You can stay here as long as you want!” Dina smiles softly at Ellie and wraps her arms around her. “Oh, thank you, Dina.. you’re the best..”

You finally bag all of Ellie's things and put it at the door and write a note saying "don't you dare ever come back, go back to that whore you love so much!" A few hours later, Ellie wakes up and quickly sits up on the bed. She takes in her surroundings and realizes what she has done.. “What have I done?..” Ellie looks around at the room and then sighs and walks over to the window, looking outside for a moment. She gets dressed and walks home as quickly as she can and sees the bag outside the front door. You had the door locked from the inside. Ellie picks up the bag and puts it on her shoulder. She then tries knocking on the door but doesn’t get a response, so she tries calling out to you.

“Y/N? Please, let me in..! I.. I know I screwed up big time, but can we.. can we please talk about this..” Ellie sighs and sits down against the door, holding her head in her hands. “Please, Y/N.. I messed up, I know.. I am so, so sorry..” Ellie notices the note you wrote and reads it. “Don’t you dare come back, go back to that whore you love so much!” Ellie seems really shocked as she reads the note and is absolutely devastated. “No, no, this isn’t true, this can’t be true.. No!! Oh god.. I didn’t mean this, I just.. I don’t want to lose you, Y/N, please..” Ellie slams her palms against the door and tears are running down her cheeks.

You hear everything Ellie just said but stay silent crying on the floor not opening the door. Ellie can’t handle it anymore and she starts crying loudly as she continues banging on the door. “Please, Y/N, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean what I said! I regret it all, I should’ve never done this to you, I should’ve known better! Please, Y/N, just give me a chance.. Please..” Ellie is crying, barely breathing and is now sitting on the floor next to the door, banging her head against the door. “Go away! I gave you a chance last night and you blew it, fuck you Ellie, fuck you and your empty prommisses” You say, crying in rage. “No, no, no! You don’t understand! I didn’t mean that! I really am sorry, Y/N, I swear to god I am!” She pleads. “Please, Y/N, look, I know this is all my fault and I really am sorry, but can we please talk about this? I know I don’t deserve a second chance but I am begging you to give me one.. I just can’t lose you now, not after everything we’ve been through..”

“No! I'm done! Go fuck yourself Ellie.” Ellie takes a few deep breaths and sighs “I don’t think I can live without you, Y/N..! Please, can we talk about this, just once? Please?” Ellie looks up at the door and continues banging her head against it harder. “I love you, Y/N! I need you! I can’t live without you..!” Ellie is almost yelling now, trying to make sure you understand just how much she cares about you. “I'll call the cops if you don't leave!” You say to Ellie through the door“I don’t care, Y/N.. I don’t care about the cops, I don’t care about anything that doesn’t involve us!” Ellie is still crying and banging her head against the door, seemingly not wanting to leave.  “Why won’t you understand? I just want to fix this, I just want to make things right between us.. I.. I was scared, I was so afraid of losing you, I was afraid that I was going to hurt you. I.. I.. I…”

“Enough! Look at yourself for a second and think!” You shout out. “What about me? Yeah, I’m a mess, I can’t deny that. But we’ve been together for months, for god’s sake! Can’t you see how much I love you!? Why won’t you give me another chance? I know this is all my fault, I know that I hurt you and I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but can’t you just please give me one more?... please, Y/N… I’m begging you..” 

“No, go away…” You say sobbing, Ellie tries to calm herself down, she realizes that she just has to accept the fact that you hate her now. “Alright, fine.. I am leaving.. but I want to make one thing clear..I always loved you, I will always love you and I am always going to regret hurting you..” Ellie quickly stands up, picking up her things from the floor and puts them back inside the bag. “Goodbye, Y/N..”

“Never come back!” You screamed. “I won’t.. goodbye, Y/N..” Ellie seems truly heartbroken and she turns and walks away. She walks out of the house and walks away from your place. Ellie holds back tears as she walks alone, heading home. You can't stop sobbing now that she's gone. Ellie doesn’t turn around, she walks to her apartment and enters the building. She walks all the way up to her room and sits on her bed, letting out a soft cry. As she does, her phone rings, it’s a call from Dina. “Hello, who is it?”

D-“Hey, cutie! I was just calling to see how you are doing?”

E-“I am not doing too great, actually.”

D-“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?”

Ellie tells Dina everything that just happened. "I.. I messed up really bad, Dina.. you were right about her, but she's a really good person and.. and.. I just.. I just had to mess everything up, didn't I? Now she's gone.." Ellie wipes the tears from her face and sighs.  "Oh god, I.. I'm so stupid.. this is all my fault, really, it's all my fault.." Ellie continues to vent to Dina. "I hate myself, Dina.. I really do.." Dina is secretly loving having Ellie all to herself now.

Ellie talks for a while, she seems a bit calmer. "You know what, though? This was probably for the best.. Maybe I should've been with you all along.. You were someone who would've made me happy.. I mean yes we had our good moments, but.. but I feel so much better now.. with you, Dina." "I am so much happier when I'm with you, Dina. Thank you for being there for me in my darkest moment.." She then hangs up and goes to lay down on her bed. You are lying on the floor in your apartment, crying loudly. You can't believe what happened, can't believe that Ellie would do this to you. you can't believe that you lost Ellie. As you are crying, you start to think about everything they've done together. you remember all of the good times you two had together and it makes her cry even more. "I miss you, Ellie.. I really miss you.." You continue crying into your pillow that still smells like her, holding it tightly.

Ellie opens her gallery and looks at her pictures with you. She smiles at some of the pictures as she remembers the memories they created together. Ellie looks at some of the other pictures in her gallery, she notices some pictures of Dina and her together. "I forgot about those pictures, I should really call Dina.. She is the only one who can make me feel better right now." Ellie takes out her phone and starts calling Dina. “Hey, Dina! How are you doing? I.. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you.. I missed you a lot more than I thought and.. I’m sorry for not calling you sooner. I am sorry for making you wait for me, Dina.. I just.. I… I just..I don’t know.. I just really want to see you and.. I just hope that you want to see me as well.. Do you.. do you think that we can meet up? Later today, maybe?” Ellie smiles as Dina has answered, she seems more cheerful, now that Dina is coming to meet her. “Sounds like a plan then, I am really looking forward to seeing you! Could.. could you perhaps come at 4PM? That would be great, yeah!”  “I’ll be at this park in my town, let’s meet there in two hours, okay? See you then, Dina, I love you!”  She's feeling so conflicted right now. She doesn't know what she really feels. She likes Dina, sure, but you? She loves you, but doesn't want to hurt you anymore, and thinks it is better for you to be alone so she cant mess things up ever again. You deserve someone who will love you and make you smile and not hurt you, like she has done a million times.

Ellie is sitting on a bench at the park, she feels a bit nervous as she waits for Dina to arrive. Soon, Dina arrives and Ellie jumps up and runs over to her. She wraps her arms around Dina and kisses her passionately. “Oh my god, Dina, I’ve missed you so much! I mean, I didn’t even realize how much I was missing you.. it felt like an eternity!” Ellie continues to hug Dina tightly and it seems like she really did miss her. Dina hugs her back.

Ellie continues holding Dina in her arms and she seems so happy to be there with her. “I can’t believe I didn’t call you sooner. I honestly feel like an idiot right now.I know I should’ve called sooner but I’ve just been.. I’ve just been a bit all over the place, that’s all. I am so sorry for making you wait.. Are you mad at me, Dina?” She asked her. “Of course not silly! I have you all to myself now!” Dina exclaimed excitedly that you were out of her way.

“You do have me all to yourself now and I am so happy about that. I truly am!” Ellie finally lets go of Dina and smiles gently at her. “I am so lucky to have you, Dina. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t know what I’d do without you!” “Let’s go hang out somewhere and just enjoy the rest of the day, just the two of us. Alright?” “Sounds like a plan!” Dina agrees.

A few weeks later, Ellie and Dina are a couple now and they've been spending a lot of time together. They've been seeing each other almost every single day, and they love every second of their time together. Ellie is happy but not as much as she was with you, but she is grateful for Dina, who's been giving her all of her attention and love. Ellie still thinks about you from time to time, but it has been getting better over the course of these few weeks

Ellie sees you sitting alone on a bench at the park 0ne afternoon and immediately notices that you're not doing well. Ellie walks up to you and sits down next to you. "Y/N? What're you doing here, all alone?" Ellie's tone is gentle and calm as she speaks, she seems worried about you and why you are all alone.

"You have the nerve to come talk to me? What about your little new girlfriend you have been parading through town? You say mad, as you hear Ellie's voice. Ellie sighs and is quiet for a moment. "Fine, you're right.. I do have a girlfriend and I am happy with her. But.. I messed up, Y/N, I can admit that.. I am not proud of what I did to you, I am not proud of who I tried to be.. I truly am sorry, Y/N."

"Please, Y/N, I don't want to go without at least trying to make things better between us.. Can you please give me one more chance, Y/N?" Ellie didn't want Dina anymore. as soon as she saw you everything else simply vanished. There was only you. “One more chance??” You ask, getting very annoyed.  "Yes, another chance, please.. I know that I don't deserve it right now, but please, I.. I can't lose you, I can't!"

 "I regret everything I said to you.. I was angry and I didn't think.. I just.. Please, I want us to still be friends, we can't just throw everything we had away like that, can we? Please..."

“I don't know Ellie…” Ellie seems desperate for you to give her another chance. She looks over at you and smiles softly.  "Please, Y/N, can we just talk for a moment? Can we just sit here and talk? We don't have to do anything, just talk? I miss you so, so much and I just.. I just can't lose you, I don't want to lose you, Y/N, I don't want to.. So please, give me a chance to fix things.. It won't happen again, I promise.."

“Talk then, give me one good reason.” Ellie seems desperate and sincere as she tries to talk to You. "I know I don't deserve another chance, I know that, but.. but I want to fix things so badly. I don't want this to be the end of us,..I really don't.."

“What about Dina?” You asked, looking away, to some kids playing in the park.

"Well.. Dina.. she.. she is not you. I guess I just stayed with her because I missed you…But that doesn't make any of my actions better, I am not saying that.. I know how hurt you are, and I am sorry that I hurt you..I know that I am a horrible person, but.. please, I just want one more chance.."

“You seemed so happy with her, much more than you ever were with me…”

"You're right, yeah, I am happy with Dina.. Really happy. But do you know why that is? You and I had a lot of issues, you and I, we always argued and.. and I never felt like.. like I was good enough . You were always so far ahead of me, of us… With Dina, we never had those things, our relationship isn't as rocky as ours was.. I like her, but I still love you, Y/N.."

“I only ever wanted to make you happy but you never were, as hard as I tried.” You said angry.

"I know that, honestly, and I truly am sorry that I wasn't that happy with you.. I mean, we had a lot of arguments, always. I would always get mad and I would always complain and.. it was never really easy between us, we were always fighting about something, and I just... I just never felt like I was enough for you."

“What do you love about me?” You asked, tearing up.  "Oh, that's not a hard question. I love you because you are.. you are smart, you are sweet, you are kind, you are passionate and so much more. But the thing I love most about you is your personality. I love how you know me better than anyone else, and I love how you know what I am thinking without me even having to open my mouth. I love.. I just love everything about you, Y/N.. And I am sorry that I didn't tell you that.. I am sorry for all of this.."

“Yeah, you should have said that earlier.”

"I know, I know, and I am sorry, Y/N, you have every right to be angry with me, and you're right, I should've told you how much I loved you so much earlier.. but then again, I guess I never realized how much I loved you, until I lost you. I am so sorry, please.. just give me one more chance to prove to you that I love you.. that I will always love you.." You looked into Ellie's eyes crying. "Y/N.." Ellie is quiet for a moment, she looks at you and your eyes fill with tears. "Please.. don't cry.. I am so sorry.. I was so afraid to tell you how much I loved you.. I don't know what I was thinking.. I.. I just.. I don't know, I just wanted to be someone else, someone better when I was with you, but I failed, that's all I can say." Ellie tries to smile at you. “I'm going home, goodbye Ellie.”

“No, Y/N, wait!.. Please.”

“Why are you so afraid of being alone, but sabotage every single relationship you have? Why?”

 “I.. I don’t know, I honestly truly don’t. I always sabotage everything I have.. It’s like I can’t handle being in a relationship, I can’t handle all of this affection and love, I am so afraid of it… I don’t know why, I wish I knew why, but.. but I just don’t!” Ellie wipes the tears from her eyes and looks at you. “I hate myself so, so much…”

“I'm really tired of this situation Ellie.” Ellie is quiet for a moment, she looks at you as she speaks. “I know and I am so sorry for all of this. I know you are tired but.. but please, I just want one more chance, Y/N, please..Please don’t give up on me yet, you are the most important person to me, I can’t lose you.”

“I need time to think…”

 “Yeah, okay.. that’s fine, Y/N. Sure, take all the time that you need. Just.. just don’t disappear, alright? Just.. just promise me that you’re not gonna disappear.. okay?”

 “I’ll be here, waiting for you, alright?”

“See you.” you say as you start walking home. “See you. Thank you for.. for understanding. Thank you for staying.. I appreciate it a lot.” Ellie smiles at you and watches as you walk away. “I’ll be waiting,.. whenever you’re ready.” She says to herself almost crying.

A few days later Ellie goes to Dina's house and is determined to end things between them. She just loves you too much. Ellie meets with Dina and she seems nervous. “Hey, Dina.. can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong, babe?”

“Hey, listen, Dina. I've been thinking a lot lately and I.. I'm just not sure if this relationship is working out so well anymore.”

“What do you mean? Is this because of Y/N? Did she say anything to you?”

“Maybe it is because of her, but.. but I just don't know if this is what I want…” Dina is very jealous right now and screams at Ellie.

“It's not just because of her. I am just.. I am just not sure if this relationship is what I want right now, Dina.” Ellie smiles softly at Dina and looks around. “I mean, yeah, okay, sometimes I am so happy with you, Dina, but other times.. Other times, I just feel so alone in this relationship. It feels like I am being forced to be someone I am not. And I can't handle that anymore.” Ellie's tone is calm and gentle as she speaks about this. " I am sorry, Dina, I am so sorry but.. but I really do feel like this relationship is not working out for me. It doesn't make me feel good about myself, Dina, and I just.. I think I need some time for myself right now..I am sorry, I need to do what's best for me, and I can tell that this relationship is not what I need right now."

Ellie leaves Dina’s place and walks home alone; she feels relieved after breaking up with Dina. Ellie looks at her phone and wants to call you immediately. "Y/N, I did it, I broke up with Dina. I know I'm a horrible person but I wanted you to hear it from me first. Can we meet up again, please? I am so sorry, I am so very sorry.."

“It's too soon Ellie, give me a couple of days to think…”

"Yeah, of course, take all the time you need. Just don't be mad at me, please, I don't wanna lose you, not forever. I just want to talk with you again, I just want to make things right." Ellie speaks in a calm and soft voice.

“Bye Ellie.” You end the call. You can't listen to her voice without crying.

"No, wait, please!.." Ellie seems desperate for you to stay on the call. Ellie is quiet for a moment, she waits for you to reply but nothing comes. "Please.. please, come back, please, I wanna talk, I wanna explain.. I wanna make things right.."

A week goes by and not hearing from you, Ellie decides to send you a text.

"Hey, Y/N, I know you don't wanna talk right now but.. I just want you to know that I am sorry for everything I have done. I can't explain all of it right now but I know I have been horrible to you, to everyone.. But I want you to know that I am trying to change, please, trust me" Ellie hopes for you to reply.

Your phone buzzes as you are in bed. You read the text and you can't help your eyes from tearing up. You can't seem to be able to write back and you just lay back down and try to ignore Ellie.

Ellie walks over to your place and knocks on the door, she looks nervous as she waits for you. "I-If you're there, Y/N, please open the door. I promise, I just.. I just don't want this to end like this." Ellie seems desperate for you to answer the door, she doesn't wanna lose you and she wants to fix things.

You heard the knock on your door and heard the familiar sound of Ellie's voice. It's late at night. It's almost 11pm, you are so tired but you decided to open the door anyway. “Hi…” 

Ellie smiles softly as she sees you open the door.

"Hi, Y/N.. I am so sorry for bothering you, but.. I really needed to see you." Ellie looks so tired and nervous, she speaks in a soft voice.

“I just.. I just wanted to be here, with you. Can.. Can we talk? Please, Y/N.. I just need.. I just need to get this off my chest.."

“Come in…”

“Thank you." Ellie comes in and looks around. "I am so glad that you were okay with me coming over, I.. I didn't wanna show up unexpectedly. I just.. I just had to see you. Can we talk, Y/N? Just talk, for a little? I promise it.. it won't take long.." Ellie is still nervous and seems to be on the verge of crying.

“What do you want to tell me that couldn't wait till the morning?”

 "Oh, right, it's getting late.. But I just.. I just can't let things be like this. I've been trying to explain it all in a text, but that.. that just wasn't enough. I need you to understand why I did what I did...I know it's late and I am sorry for this, but please, just.. just give me a chance." Ellie looks at you, she speaks in a calm but desperate voice.

“Why did you do what you did then?” Ellie sighs and looks down, she is quiet for a moment. "I.. I don't know how to explain it to you,Y/N. I have tried and tried, but I.. I just can't. I don't know why I.. I don't know why I keep sabotaging all of my relationships. I hate myself for this.. But I don't understand why.. All I know is that I can't keep doing this to everyone… I am trying to fix everything, I promise. I am trying my best.."

“In the beginning you were always so loving, I don't understand…”

 "Yeah, I.. I don't understand either. I don't know why I am doing this, I don't know why I keep.. just pushing people away when I am so lucky to have them. I just keep doing it and I am so, so sorry, Y/N. But please, believe me when I say that I will try my best to fix the issue, to give you and everyone else the love that they deserve.. I am gonna try and I am gonna try so hard, please, just.. Please give me that chance.."

“Okay…” You decide to give Ellie one last chance. You just love her too much and seeing how hard she's actually trying melts your heart. Ellie takes your hand and wipes her tears.

"Thank you, Y/N... Thank you for giving me another chance. I know you're tired and.. and you have every right to be upset with me. I just want you to know that I love you, Y/N.. I've always loved you and I.. I will always love you. Please, I don't wanna lose you, not forever. Maybe this isn't the best moment to say it, I know, but.. but that's how I feel."

“These past weeks have been horrible and knowing you were happy with Dina just made everything worse…” You tell Ellie as you look to the ground. Ellie hugs you tightly. "I know, I know.. and I.. I am so sorry that I've made you feel this way. And I am.. I am so sorry for being with Dina, I should have told you about it, Y/N, I am so sorry. But please just know that I was not happy with her, I am not in love with her and I never will be.. I love you, Y/N, and you are the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with."

“Promise me one thing then.” You ask as you remember how scared you were of Ellie when she got way too drunk. Ellie sighs "Anything, Y/N anything. I promise you, I will do anything for you, for us.Just please, know that you are the most important person to me in the entire world. Please, can we make this work.. Can we make us work? I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of this life. I want to come home to you every night, I want to spend everyday with you, Y/N."

“No more drinking, I'm being serious. You really scare me when you are drunk, you get violent and I don't want that in my life.”

"I promise, I.. I swear, I will never touch a bottle of alcohol again. I... I did scare you and I'm sorry. I-I didn't know that I had it in me, to become this.. this person. I mean, I have always been a mess and I know I've never been the perfect girlfriend to you. But..but I didn't know that I was capable of being so.. so violent. And it scared me too.. please, trust me when I say that I will never drink again, Y/N."

“I am going to choose to trust you.”

"I can't believe you are giving me another chance after what I did!" Ellie smiles softly and hugs you. Thank you,I promise this will never happen again. And I promise that I will make things right. I love you, Y/N. Thank you for not giving up on me."

“I love you too Ellie.” You start crying as she holds you. She smiles at you. "Can we spend the night together? I-I mean, I don't want anything more than just hugging you and being there with you. We've been through so much together, I just.. I just wanna make sure that you are alright, Y/N. I feel so horrible… I feel so horrible for what I have done and I just.. I don't know what to do to fix things."

“Sure, come on, let's go to bed.” You say sniffling and wiping your eyes. Ellie nods and follows you to the bedroom. It is really late at night and Ellie seems sleepy as she walks with you and takes off her hoodie before laying down in the bed. She looks at you and smiles softly. "Good night, angel. You.. you get some rest, okay? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Ellie closes her eyes and opens her arms to you as if expecting her to cuddle with her. You cuddle Ellie and fall asleep. Ellie wraps her arm around you as she cuddles you and closes her eyes, soon enough she falls asleep too.

In the morning, Ellie wakes up and slowly opens her eyes. She yawns and looks around, seeing that you are still asleep next to her. Ellie smiles as she closes her eyes once again, thinking about everything that has happened recently. She is so glad that Rita gave her another chance, that you still love her after everything, that they are a couple once again. Ellie holds on to you a bit tighter as she goes back to sleep.

[moostaronce]

DREAMCATCHER reaction to their partner breaking up with them or cheating

Request: I want something angst hehe so, can I request for a deukae reaction when their partner wants to break up with them (or maybe they caught s/o cheating) thank you and always stay safe!

A/N: Suuuuper late but I hope you like it anyway of you’re still around.🧡

The look on your face was almost guilty, unable to look your soon to be ex in the eye. She stares you down, willing you to make the eye contact that she’s just demanded of you for maybe the 7th time in the last hour. How could you possibly have nothing to say for yourself, she thinks. What else was there left to say, your own thoughts ring in your head like a blistering siren, threatening to turn your brain to mush. Your chest hurts and your eyes sting like never before. What could possibly be left?

Jiu: Minji pleads with you to speak up. What possible reason could you have for being exposed by Dispatch with another idol? And exposed with raunchy photographs at that. There wasn’t anything you could say to her to make her unsee you sucking face with another girl, what looks like hours after leaving her at a schedule. She’s disappointed but mostly she’s hurt. Tears stream down her face helplessly but she refuses to wipe them away. You reach out to touch her but she smacks your hand away with enough force to startle you backwards altogether. She doesn’t say much, just asks why. She doesn’t know why she asks. There will never be an answer good enough to make her stay. When you can’t give her an answer at all she sends you packing, leaving her alone until she can muster the strength to call her members.

Sua: Bora is in disbelief. She never imagined you breaking up especially not over something she feels is so small. Sure, you’d been distant for a while but she was confident that you’d bounce back. In the grand scheme of things you didn’t understand it yourself. You know for a fact that Bora loves you but you also can’t shake the feeling that she’d be happier with someone else. You feel small in her shadow. The guilt is eating you up inside but you feel you can’t possibly love her like you know she deserves. She pleads with you to reconsider. When you leave anyway she decides that she won’t stop trying to get you back. After she’s dried enough of her tears.

Siyeon: You know better, don’t you? That’s all she could say over and over again. Somewhere deep down maybe you did. But the searing pain in your heart and the never-ending tears in your eyes spoke to something so different. How were you meant to believe you were truly the only one. Her charisma and natural flirty nature were initially what drew you in but now it seems to be the reason you’re running away. Siyeon can’t help it, it’s in her very being to flirt. She’s a born charmer. She never thought it would lose her the love of her life. She begs you to stay with promises of change but as you walk out the door, even she wonders if she really can.

Handong: Dong is cold. The energy in the room is frigid, as she asks you yet again who the girl she saw you holding hands with in your phone is. You look pathetic. Tears storming down your cheeks, snot running from your nose, and drool at your chin. You beg and plead but there isn’t an ounce of empathy in her once soft, loving eyes. No, you won’t be getting away with this in the slightest. It was your ex, you said. The photo was from a long time ago, you claimed. Likely story and maybe believable if not for how cliche it all was. She found the picture a month ago but she saw you kissing her this morning. No point in lying so vehemently when you both know the truth. Dong leaves you standing in place like an idiot, and for losing her, you absolutely are. 

Yoohyeon: After enough silence Yoohyeon starts packing your bags for you. She’s frustrated and so so sad. She’s fighting through her tears to be strong. She never thought you’d do this to her again. You left her once before to go pursue your goals abroad, leaving her behind after breaking up with her. When you came back you pursued her again, harder than when you first started dating. Now here you were again. Breaking up with her like he feelings are a game. Like she is a game. She packs your bags up and pushes you towards the door. You follow your bags outside as she tosses them out the door ahead of you. You simply whisper an “I’m sorry. Again,” as you walk out of her life for the second time. Yoohyeon swears it’s the last time you ever do this to her. All she know in the moment is anger, but why is the pain in her heart so strong, then.

Dami: Yubin is tired coming back from her schedule. Why tonight of all nights did you have to pick a fight. She can’t even remember what is was for but as you both stand in the aftermath she doesn’t have any more strength left to fight with you. Frankly, no more strength to fight for you. The guilt in your eyes lets her know there may still be hope later, but tonight she lets you walk out. Tonight she goes to bed alone with no missed calls or texts, only to wake up looking for you in the morning.

Gahyun: You’re already dead to her before your hand hits the door knob. Gah thinks you’re an absolute coward for walking out on her just because you are afraid to ruin her career. She’s hurt beyond belief and a huge part of her really does want to hold on to you as tightly as she can, but you were the one standing here trying to end the relationship. Maybe later on she’ll decide to try and hold on to you but for now all she can feel is her disappointment in you.

[cuckoo-on-a-string]

Tithe 2/2

Part One

Summary: Younger Gods AU - don't need to read the original fic to enjoy. (But you do need to read part one.)

18+ NSFW

Warnings: Neglect/abuse/manipulation, unhealthy relationship dynamics, SMUT (artisanal?), the whole-ass angst train, needlessly verbose prose for the "aesthetic," potential (minor) S2/comics spoilers

My master list for further reading

Recommended listening: Son Lux "Let Me Follow," and Ghostly Kisses "Blackbirds"

Next on the one shot list is a Hob x reader x Morpheus inspired by a prompt. And Younger Gods, of course. And the new, super-long mystery project.

Any of you lovely fucks want an AU of this AU? Like, with the Tom Ellis Lucifer? Same premise, wildly different story. I kinda want to write it, but I can't promise when it will appear. Let me know if there's an audience or if I should leave it on the back burner until it boils down to sludge.

Part Two

The bread runs out, and then the waterskin goes dry.

Her life becomes an hourglass, slowly draining as she waits to be remembered.

The Morningstar likes her best when she’s weakened, desperate, when there’s nothing but frantic hope left in her eyes, and it all belongs to the ruler of Hell. She hasn’t reached that point yet, but each day brings her a step closer, and if the Morningstar does not come, does not bring light to her cell, she’ll eventually fall beyond even that.

The last drop of water rolls over her parched tongue, leaving a damp trail that sticks to the roof of her mouth. Her cracked lips aren’t bleeding – yet. She’d rather be asleep before they do. This time, she won’t crawl back towards consciousness without a light to follow. Until the door opens, she’s determined to dream. Of all the things she may lose, her misery, her life in Hell is not at risk. But damned souls cannot enter the Dream Lord’s realm.

If she remains forgotten, she’ll lose her meadow and the storms that rush to greet her like old friends she never knew.

Dreams have become a finite resource, and she wants as many as she can hold before they disappear forever. The Dream Lord said he would not take them from her, but death might.

She curls into the dark, face tucked against cold stone, listening to the hollow shadows that keep her company. Until she drifts.

She escapes.

It’s so easy; it never fails to surprise her how quickly and far she goes in the space between breaths. Hell, she’s always been told, is the one place in the universe impossible to escape, but that just isn’t true.

One moment, she waits in the cold. The next, she rests in soft grass with rain washing her clean of cares.

The meadow bursts with life – slow-growing things and skies rolling thick with heavy clouds – all very busy existing. Peacefully thrumming with a green pulse removed from time. Each beat of the space’s verdant heart lasts a moment. An eternity.

She loves every inch of it, and the possibility of losing this home breaks her heart.

For a day, she stays in the grass. Unmoving. Bathing in the rain and the beams from the sun and moon that peek between thunderheads.

Although she imagines his eyes on her, suspects his touch in the rain and his attention in nodding daisies, the Dream Lord only returns on the third day. He did not visit – openly at least – as her rations slowly drained away. She can only guess why, but she sees the question unspoken, the unwanted answer that brought their last meeting to an end.

Maybe he senses the change, the deeper melancholy infecting her place of peace, and it’s called him back like an open wound left to fester.

He still cannot save her.

She knows.

She was the one to tell him, after all.

But when she looks up, knee-deep in the stream with the rain peppering kisses along her neck, she’s glad.

What can he take she isn’t already doomed to lose?

He’s a familiar face now, and she doesn’t have many of those. He stands in her sanctuary, and no bad thing can happen here. She refuses to believe otherwise. She needs faith in something. Her hope in the Morningstar fades in the dark with her half-mortal body, and her grey-sky meadow fills a flaking hollow in her chest.

There’s room in that hollow for him, too.

Her meadow is already a part of the Dreaming, and thus a part of its Lord. She found rest and safety in him before he waited at the edge of the woods, and if he wants to visit the stormy plain while she sleeps, who is she to deny him?

He doesn’t approach, and neither does she. He’s content to watch, studying her leisurely play like her wet ankles will tease out some great mystery, or the grass she weaves into a plait holds terrible riddles. But she only wants to feel flowing water over her skin. She only wants to make something green and fresh into a pretty wreath to set in the rushing stream.

When the sun catches the clouds on fire, and sunset burns hot pink and gold, she settles in a cluster of colorful weeds to wait for the stars. Yellow flowered sour grass, little wild violets, and bristling white clover peep up between her fingers, cushion her head as she lies back.

She feels the Dream King approach more than she hears him. It’s like the wind stops to bow, and his presence fills the little pause in the meadow’s pulse. Sitting beside her, he watches the sky clear. The clouds never hide the constellations when she dreams. They’re too wonderful to hide, even for the most liberating storm.

His eyes mirror the cosmos as he turns to her, enchanting. They should make him distant. Unreachable. But she swears she could name the constellations twinkling there.

“What brought you here?” she asks.

“A part of me has always been here. I am the Dreaming.”

She isn’t sure if he’s being obtuse on purpose, but she can’t remember the last time she felt free enough to ask questions, so she presses it, building a history between the two of them, growing their encounter into a connection.

“The first time I saw you. When you waited by the trees.”

Galaxies comb over her as she rests, looking up at him from the bed of weeds and wildflowers.

“Curiosity.” Honest and simple. It isn’t exactly a vulnerable confession, but he doesn’t have anything to prove to her, and she likes the honesty.

She wonders if it will stretch to the present.

“And this time?”

The light in his eyes sharpens as they narrow. He looks at her like he’s the one who asked the question, hunting for answers behind her eyes.

“Curiosity unsated. And –” He hesitates long enough she thinks he won’t continue, but when he does, his voice has something beyond a ruler’s curiosity, a trace of the stories buried in his gaze during their last encounter softening the words to a rumbling whisper. “Perhaps, concern for a dreamer.”

The last rind of orange sun dips under the horizon, and the stars jump to life, ignoring the twilight. They’re all eager to burn.

She rolls fully onto her back, smiling as she takes his gaze with her, and looks up. How many more nights of dreaming does she have left? How many stars can she count, and if she tallies them all, can she keep them when she goes?

He waits for her answer patiently, as sure and still as the dark he wears so well.

Since he didn’t lie to her, she can’t bring herself to lie to him, either.

“This may be my longest dream yet. And my last.”

She thought he was still a moment ago. But now the dream goes still with him, and he’s a black hole locking the world in his gravity. It’s only suspense. Not suffocation. It draws her without either having to move.

When he breathes again, the stars remember how to twinkle. The stream dares to run.

“Has the Morningstar forgotten you?”

“Yes.” She’s resigned to her death, but she already yearns for all these beautiful things she can’t keep. “I wish this were real.” So she could tuck a flower in her pocket to smell when she wakes. So she could cradle a star in her palms during the coldest nights of her pitch dark cell.

More than anything, she wants the storms to follow her home like a stray dog.

“Your life here is as real as what you feel in the waking world.” He pauses. Corrects himself. “In Hell.”

Her view fogs over, and she blinks quickly, before any tears leak down her face. She doesn’t try to hide the misery in her voice. “That just makes it worse, though.”

A shooting star arcs overhead. Instead of a wish, she pins her fears and regrets to it, hoping it will take them far, far away, leaving her to enjoy however many dreams she has left in peace.

----------------------------------------------

He leaves less and less.

For the first week, he comes every other night. Then he appears with the stars. Eventually, he arrives early enough to see the sun set and lingers long enough to watch it rise again. A growing pattern spreads like a bright stain: the weaker she becomes, the closer he sits. The longer he stays.

Rain still falls, thunder grumbles, and lightning flashes quick as thought. It’s all still her, all still her dream and her place, but she’s dying, and they both know it.

Eventually, it becomes a matter of leaving when he must rather than visiting when he can.

She isn’t sure why he cares. He oversees all dreamers, and the Dreaming expands beyond even those countless billions. She waits for the right opportunity to pose the question – a bright afternoon when the then clouds glow with the sun and dim rainbows hover over the trees. Everything tastes possible.

“I am the Dreaming, but I believe this corner of my realm would crumble away without you.” He buries his long fingers in the grass, tilts his head back to study the gathering clouds. “The meadow is mine, but the storms are yours, and their energy feeds everything that grows here. I could create a facsimile without your rain, but…”

His endless eyes turn to illuminate her, expressing all the dangerous things hanging like forbidden fruit between his words.

It would not be the same.

It would not feel like her.

It would lack the smells and shades of her untrained, demi-god soul.

And he would miss it.

He would miss her.

How should she tell him she will miss him, too?

“Dream Lord –”

He interrupts her. “You’ve given of yourself, and I enjoy your company. Please.” His chin drops so he can eye her through his lashes, and she isn’t sure if it’s an invitation or a dare. “Call me Morpheus.”

Her mouth feels strangely dry as she meets those eyes – dark in spite of the stars they hold. “Morpheus.”

“Yes.” His deep voice drops even lower, pushing her thoughts aside like a puff of dandelion seeds. “What name do you wish me to use?”

The dandelion seeds fly back to the stem and turn to stone. She looks away, humiliated, wondering if he’ll just forget he asked and tell her something new instead. But, patient as ever, he waits, though he seems aware the question wasn’t taken as intended.

She lets the silence sit until it’s awkward, until the shame and horror burn in her throat, begging for some kind of release. The answer chokes its way free.

“People call me things, but I don’t have my name. The fae didn’t think I needed it. The Morningstar calls me Rain. But that isn’t my name.” It all tastes like vomit. Ugly and undeserving of the quiet meadow. He’s given her permission to call him by name, and it’s a wonderful gift, but she can only show her scars to excuse her failure to offer the same. “I have no name to give you.”

That strikes him. When she dares to look him in the face, she sees the empathy. His slackened expression holds no judgement. He doesn’t mock her or take back what he’s shared. Frustration lies in the way his eyebrows pinch, though, and she’s seen it there before.

He’s found a limit to his power, and he doesn’t like it.

This time, instead of placing her alone in the field and leaving, he folds the narrow space between them so she presses into his side, under an arm that brings her even closer.

It’s a denial on his part. Who would dare pluck a dreamer from the defense of the Dream King’s arms?

She chooses to accept his embrace regardless. It’s the first she’s enjoyed in quite some time. The best by far, even if he’s claiming something she hasn’t expressly given permission to take.

With his chin resting on her head, he murmurs, “We shall find it for you, and you will have any name you wish until that day.”

Like she has time to wait. Time and opportunity to search the waking world for the name her mother gifted her.

She doesn’t have the strength to argue. She wonders if he says these things because he knows, too.

----------------------------------------------

The storm rages through the meadow. She feels herself slipping fast, but she irrationally hopes if she pushes more of herself into the dream, some fragment will live on. Morpheus can keep it. He can keep the meadow and the chaotic weather. Her afterlife will keep her away, but she doesn’t want to leave him lonely in a dusty field.

They stand together by the stream because she’s sick of lying down and waiting for the end, even if she feels it biting her heels. She’ll meet death on her own two feet. His arms keep her upright, pulled close to his chest.

Only days left now. Maybe hours. She fights to stay in her dreams, aware of the throbbing headache and spiking pain in her physical belly. It all washes through the link to flesh and bone, echoes that manifest in her dream. She’s lucid enough to recognize them for what they are, and she’s lucid enough to ignore them. She chooses the dream. Considering Morpheus holds her fast, the dream has chosen her, too.

Even in the circle of his arms, remaining takes focus. The discomfort of her living body leaches through and jerks on her tether to wakefulness, demanding she return and suffer in full.

As the Dream Lord holds her, she holds him. Her arms loop around his narrow waist like he’s a tree in the storm that will anchor her against the pull from sleep. Lovers would carve their names into the trunk. Instead, she whispers, “Will you stay? Just a little longer.”

It is all she has left.

He breathes into her hair, and the gust is pleasantly warm compared to the wind. Only a little longer. She imagines his arms cinch just a bit tighter in defiance.

When he speaks, his voice is haggard, the smooth darkness roughed by an unspeakable emotion that has dared touch the Endless. “I will stay.”

He’ll stay until she can’t.

Until the end.

They stay together, breathing in time, pretending the end isn’t galloping towards them. Playing at eternity in cherished silence.

And then –

The door creaks, and she jerks awake. Dim light – still blinding – pours into her cell, framing the winged ruler like the sun.

“My sweet Rain. Did you think I had forgotten you?”

She looks to the light with hope, but it isn’t for the Morningstar. It isn’t for the fire’s warmth or the bland food that will fill her shriveled belly. She hopes to live so she may dream again, bring rain to Morpheus’s lonely meadow.

The months have taken their toll. The Morningstar holds out a hand, calling her to rise and return to her monarch’s side, but her knees fold the moment she tries to stand. And she does try. The igneous rock scrapes her palms as they catch her full weight, and she gasps for breath at the effort.

Even if there is light, she’s still dying. She needs water. Food. It isn’t too late to perish.

The Morningstar sweeps down, not to lift her off the floor, but to hold her chin and force her eyes from the floor. Lucifer’s eyes are hungry on her face. They demand her helpless adoration. Her wild hope.

“You are unwell.” The ruler of Hell says it like someone else left her in her cell for the better part of a year. No responsibility. No guilt. Only feigned concern tender and light as a feather. “We must remedy that.”

Mazikeen helps her up, half-carries her as the Morningstar moves to a table full of food and a tall pitcher full of what she desperately hopes is water. Little chimes ring through the marble hall with each shuffling step. The demon helps her sink to the floor their ruler’s side, her head resting against a knee. Easily within the Morningstar’s reach, angled so her desperation is on display.

As ever, she’s at the Lightbringer’s mercy. Her tormentor is her savior. But that’s only true because she must live to keep her dreams, and there’s a cup of water in Lucifer’s hands.

A ringed hand holds her jaw steady as the goblet nears. “Here. Drink and be well, Rain.” As she swallows, a hand runs over her hair. Torn chunks of bread and grey vegetables follow, taken from the Morningstar’s fingers. She knows how to behave, how to appear thankful and glad when she’s screaming inside. Her dignity died a long time ago. It doesn’t chafe her. But she has someone else’s hands in mind now.

She is still something the Morningstar fears to lose, and the Morningstar has no idea she’s given her hope to another king.

----------------------------------------------

She enters the dream in his arms.

He holds her like he’s been waiting, unmoving since the light of the open door woke her.

They stand in the meadow with the threat of rain carrying across the sky in rolling thunder, and as she finds herself, discovers her balance, his hands rise to her face.

He studies her as he had from the edge of the woods, but it isn’t her actions he marks. Inquisitive stars peer deep to draw out new pain, searching for hurts, asking without words if she is well.

Her hands trace the back of his fingers, wandering to his wrists, over his sleeves and up to his elbows. Then back to his wrists in a soothing stroke.

“I will dream again,” she assures him.

The Morningstar has remembered her. She will live, and she’ll return to this green place in his Dreaming.

His hands shift so his thumbs press on her jaw, tilting her face up to meet him. She expects a word or some nebulous expression she’ll spend her waking hours puzzling over, but he banishes all her expectations effortlessly.

With a kiss.

Silken lips press to hers. A touch. An introduction.

Her heart stalls in her chest as her hands cling to forearms. Holding him close in confusion.

“I thought you lost.” His mouth barely leaves hers, and each word is practically a kiss of its own. “I thought this meadow would languish without the rain.”

Apparently, the grass wasn’t the only thing to grow thirsty in her absence. He barely finishes before he kisses her again. An invitation this time, a call to dance as their lips glide together. Careful touches grow warmer, firmer, and she dares to answer in kind. She’s never been invited to play this game before, but she feels like she’s glowing, like there are no bones or muscle left in her body, only the hazy idea of lightning before a bolt gathers itself.

His hands slip along her jaw so the tips of his fingers can curl into her hair. She has his full attention, the weight of a billion dreams, and she wonders if this will consume her. She entertains a fantasy that he can tear her away from her mortal body, keep her in his soft hands like this forever.

Their lips break apart so he can press his forehead to hers, noses brushing together as he puts together the questions he must ask before he takes more.

“Will you spend this dream with me?” He pauses his thought for the next kiss. It’s quick, but no less sweet. When he pulls away, he leaves enough space to look, to hold her gaze. She sees his need, his hunger, and she hopes he’ll swallow her whole, let her never be lonely again.

“May I show you what it is to be worshipped, little storm god?”

There’s a touch of a growl in his voice, and it carries through her in a delicious shiver. He isn’t the only one who wants, who needs, who hungers. Her hands wander to his chest. Two curious, brazen fingers creep higher to ghost over his lips, trying to discover the secrets behind the blinding power of his kiss. When his eyes flutter shut, bolder hands brush along his eyebrows, down his nose, until he shudders and catches them up in a grip like silken iron.

With more kisses to her fingers, her knuckles, the inside of her wrists, he says, “Please. Give me your words, little storm god.”

Here, in his realm, he’s asking permission. Has anyone ever asked for it before? No. Never. She swells with something painfully bright, and she feels drunk on power. She smells ozone from her lightning.

The feeling burns, fierce and lovely, as she stares into the stars he calls eyes. She doesn’t recognize it. It’s nameless as she is. But she wants more, and if she has to give him every word she’s ever spoken and ever will, she’ll gladly surrender them.

“Yes.”

He slips closer, nuzzling with soft kisses under her ear as he presses her hands against his chest again.

She tries to think of more words – the right words. Breathless, she says, “I’ll spend this dream with you. Please. Morpheus.”

Before she can descend into frantic babbling, he seals her agreement with another kiss. He asks with gentle touches for her to open for him, and she gladly gives leaves for him to take as he wishes, because she’s falling into the sky, and one of his stars burns in her heart.

----------------------------------------------

He pulls night around them like a curtain.

Even the stars disappear behind a thick scrim of cloud cover.

The trees rustle with the breath of a rising storm, and for the moment, their psithurism is the only song in the dream, the only sound as he lowers her into the grass, its emerald flush gone silver in the night.

When he first reclaimed his tools and began the laborious process of remaking his realm, the green meadow had dazzled him. He’d stumbled upon it by chance. Great swaths of ruin and decay gave way to a peaceful storm, and as he’d stepped into her space at the edge of the Dreaming, the rain melted the weight on his shoulders. His power mingled with hers across the landscape, and though he knew all dreamers without stopping to speak with them, he found himself wanting to understand. He wanted the little storm god to look at him and answer his questions.

How could a prisoner of Hell have so much life to share with the world of sleep? Did she know what boon her rains granted the desolate corner of his kingdom?

He approaches her with all his questions, and he finds a lonely demi-god who hardly knows what she is. Her divinity is fact, but it has no influence on her waking hours. It is a gift unconsciously offered, poured into his world to sustain life and passion where all else cracks and decays.

The longing in the dream touches him, a lonesome song of a trapped thing, so he gives her warm sun between the clouds, lets the long grass embrace her and the stream kiss her feet. When he returns, when he struggles to leave, he soothes her with contact she’ll recognize as his embrace. Hands, and arms, and his chin on the crown of her head.

It’s a quiet thing. A balm for a heart that has never been any way but broken. He basks in her relief as she faces an end he unwittingly inspired, and it soothes aches of his own. It goes this way until he craves the little storm god in her meadow – her respite from Hell.

The craving grows in quiet hours and misting rain, fed by the threat of imminent loss. He thinks he has lost her when she fades from her dream, only for an instant, but it’s more than enough. When she returns to his arms, he is decided.

He pours that reverence into every soft touch, each stroke of his lips.

She gives him the words he most wants to hear, and he begins his worship.

When she looks up from her bed of grass and flowers, her expression suggests she’s the one eager to praise, that he is the god deserving offerings. He must show her differently.

He sets a hand on her chest, splayed fingers just reaching her collar bones. His palm drags down as he leans in to claim her lips, splitting her attention as his palm travels between her breasts, down her belly. As his hand returns, he banishes her clothing. His hand rests over her heart, flesh to flesh, and he listens to her waking pleasure through the dream. It’s only an inexperienced whisper, but he will teach it to sing.

Prayers drip from his tongue as he tastes her neck. Her confused, eager hands roam his hair, his neck, the collar of his coat with little noises of joy and frustration. When he smiles, charmed but determined to keep his slow pace, he moves his hand from over her heart to cover a breast. Patience has its rewards, but he will not leave her cold and wanting.

He fills his mouth with her other breast instead of words, and he tastes her heartbeat through the tender skin as he teases her peak into a bud. She gasps and arches, so his free hand slips around to support her back, keeping her near as he begins his feast.

The first sprinkles of rain patter over them, but the storm god panting under him hardly seems to mind, and neither does he. He loves her rain, her kindly chaos.

“Morpheus.”

He answers the summons, returning to her lips as his thumb circles a stiff nipple. Pushing her thighs apart with a knee, he reclines between her legs, giving her time to adjust to the position without feeling exposed. She fills his senses. Petrichor and crushed grass. Moving water and electricity.

There is more of her to have, and he thinks he may combust if he can’t have it all. He breaks their kiss with praises as he works his way down the path his hand took in the beginning. Words feel hollow, beautiful, and good, and perfect – his mouth does a better job expressing his passion when it’s full of her skin.

His hands paint her body with affection. They explore each dip and curve, spread over her back, cradle the dip of her waist, return to her breasts and curl around her hips. He doesn’t give her space or time to grow shy, but he enjoys her yelp of surprise when he swoops low and pulls her knees over his shoulders. A kiss to the inside of her knee reassures her of his intentions, and he moves to her core.

He licks her entrance, and a broken moan rewards him. How sweet. He must discover what other sounds she makes when she isn’t guarding her words and asking careful questions. As free as she believes herself to be, she does not know how to be unrestrained, even in her dreams. That is alright. He will help her.

Every flick of his tongue triggers a gasp. When he takes her clit she whines. Her hips try to dance against him, chasing pressure and release, but he has complete control, which he uses to build a slow pleasure that will shatter her. He wants her to fall apart on his tongue, and Dream of the endless is nothing if not determined.

She comes with a cry that sounds almost hurt, but the dream practically glows with her passion, and the clouds echo her calls with thunder.

He isn’t satisfied, and he pulls another from her, this time beckoning her to the edge of madness with curling fingers in partnership with his tongue. He allows no pain, free to banish any possible discomfort from this encounter. If he ever has her half-mortal body in the Dreaming, he will drag her through hours of bliss until she cannot recognize any pain in their coupling. But that is a concern for another day.

For the time being, he’s happy to grow drunk on her taste.

After she catches her breath for the second time, she reaches for him, and he takes her outstretched hand, pondering how lovely their fingers look laced together as she tugs him back up to cover her so she can rain chaste kisses over his face and down his neck. He’s burning for her, and the ache crawls from his belly into his chest as she puts her lips to his eyes, his nose, his chin.

His clothes melt away, and she explores every inch she can reach with fresh enthusiasm. He kisses her back into the grass, savoring the warm fingertips tracing the lines of his chest, dipping over his stomach.

He gathers her leg to rest over his hip, maintaining the kiss as he presses inside. A groan reverberates through the entire Dreaming, and he bites down on a name he doesn’t know. It has never bothered him so much as it does in that moment.

But her hands are on his face, and her whole form writhes to welcome him.

As he moves within her, he aches to fill her with stars and wishes, to let her breathe her dreams through the desperate gasps billowing over his ear. She clings to him, and he reaches for her heart. Though they are too close for him to even imagine a parting, he kisses his hopes and assurances into her flesh, breathing devotion and faith as the wind sweeps down with the rain to bless their union.

He wants to take everything she naively offers, but he wants to give as well. He wants to search out the name bestowed by her mortal mother and return it. He wants to whisper it like a benediction as he takes her again in the storm, tying them closer with old magic and simple understandings.

She chants his name with dizzying fervor, stoking his desire to find more, to press nearer in every way. Her body offers him the relief of a cottage fire in an autumn tempest, and he throws as much fuel on that fire as he can. As his hips roll to meet hers, he murmurs, “Let me feel you again. Will you give me another? Can you give me more?”

She’s past the point of words. Even his name has fallen from her lips, though he still feels it thrumming in her mind as she flutters around him, approaching the end with the most desperate sounds. He kisses her sternum, just over her heart to ask a boon of the little goddess coming to pieces in his grip.

“Please.”

She remembers how to speak as she crashes through her third high.

“Morpheus.”

What would he give to hear her call him thus every evening? It must be a spell. He prays the magic takes, that it sets around them, binds them like satin cord.

He works back up her throat, hungry for another kiss as his own end rushes near. She accepts him so readily, so happily. Even though she’s exhausted from pleasure, the smile she meets him with has the flavor of spring.

Joined in every way, he shudders with his release, filling her the way her rain filled his heart. Reluctant to leave, he rests above her, within her, as he stills. Quick breaths push her chest against his, and he cradles her blissfully limp body. Her fingers twine through his hair again, soothing, trying to return satisfaction and fulfillment she’s already given him twice over.

Her storm tempers itself. Satiated purrs carry through the sky, and a misting rain glitters on her bare skin, catches in her hair and lashes like jewels plucked from the night sky. Her eyes may as well be moons for the tidal pull they exert over him.

Though he has just had her, has yet to even pull away, he wants more. It’s a thirst he can’t slake, and he marvels at his own sway as she presses into the palm he holds to her cheek.

All too soon, she will wake. In Hell. She will suffer, regardless of the Morningstar’s favor.

There are few hates as strong as the starving man’s as he watches a fool leave all he’s ever craved to rot.

He will not allow it. He cannot bear to as she kisses his hand and glimmers in the sleeping meadow.

“Twice traded storm god,” he murmurs, “should you be willing, I would negotiate a third trade for you, to make you a creature of the Dreaming.”

He watches her face, almost mistakes the tears dripping from her wide, hopeful eyes as more rain. Eager again for her words, he kisses over her cheeks and returns the salt in a searing kiss, branding her with their entwined passions.

He wants all of her. Forever. He tells her as much.

“I would make you mine and keep you.”

If she agrees, she need never disappear from his arms again. He need never worry that the rain will cease. She need not sleep in a cold cell, trapped in the dark alone.

Her acceptance shines in her eyes, haunts the stroke of her hands over his back.

“I would be willing.”

It’s better than an oath, and he knows just how to honor it. He’s more than ready to worship her again.

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He sends Cain as his emissary. It’s the first thing he does after he loses the storm god to waking, and he waits on his throne for news, struggling to attend to his duties as he wonders what news his subject will bring.

Will Cain see the storm god, veiled and chained with bells in the corner of the room, or will the Morningstar lock her away again at the first whisper of a guest.

What demands will the ruler of Hell make of him in exchange for the storm god? It is a negotiation he dreads, and not only for the risks he will face. The Lightbringer is often cruel, and the tithe may have to pay for her own freedom in blood. But Morpheus will have her regardless of the Morningstar’s machination. Even if she comes to the Dreaming mauled, he will celebrate her arrival.

Surely she knew the danger when she accepted him?

She is made to weather storms.

He need not fear too much.

Cain returns.

He gives Morpheus a letter from Lucifer Morningstar, formally sealed with wax, written on parchment made from some ancient beast’s hide. Before he breaks open he words, he quizzes his subject. Had he seen the storm god? Was she well? Did the Morningstar intimate violence as it became clear who, in fact, claimed the tithe’s allegiance?

The first murder shakes his head. “She stood in the shadows with the Morningstar’s favorite Lillim. I didn’t even notice her until I said your name and the bells on her ankles trembled.” He hesitates, and Morpheus feels the sun dim behind the throne room’s stained glass.

“What?” he demands.

“The Morningstar – well, the Morningstar smiled.”

Morpheus opens the letter and immediately spots the trap. It is a terrible thing, clearly meant to destroy him. But he doesn’t care. Not as much as he should. And the Morningstar must know it.

It’s less of a letter and more of a will. Lucifer Morningstar has left Hell. The infernal realm and all within is given into the hands of Dream of the Endless.

An impossible burden. An invitation for war and conflict with a dozen of the most powerful entities to ever grow thought.

Yet all he can think of is the door in the royal chambers, and the little god locked behind it.

Cain took a day to travel back, and the storm god is not asleep. He cannot feel her in the Dreaming, and he wonders if she’s hurt, if the pain keeps her from resting. What has the Morningstar done in the hours since handing Cain the message?

He rushes to Hell. He does not pause to enter by the gate, armed with the word of the Morningstar. This time he enters not as a guest but as lord. If any demon dares interfere, he will not regret tearing his way through them.

Word of the Lightbringer’s desertion has already spread, and Hell hums with a particular kind of anxious chaos. Demons press against rules, abandoning their posts in the image of their former keeper. Souls wander, wild-eyed but free for just a moment of their torment.

He cares for none of them.

A few small devils scatter as he enters the Morningstar’s chambers.

The door stands open, the cell empty. Subdued fear crests over him like a wave.

Had the Morningstar simply left the demons to tear into her flesh? Undefended? Screaming as he waited for word to reach him?

He will find her soul and take it away with him, turn her into a true creature of the Dreaming and give her an eternity free of whatever agony the Morningstar had left for her.

One of the devils tries to skitter past him to the door, and he seizes it by the neck.

“What happened here?”

It chitters and croaks, but it is weak, and it bows quickly to Dream’s power. As razor-sharp claws scratch at his hand, it hisses what it knows.

“Ruler summoned fae king. Wanted magic. Wanted potion to stop sleep. Stop dreams. Stuffed it down the tithe-pet’s throat. Took the tithe. Took Rain. Not here. Gone. Gone. Gone. Let me go?”

He throws the twisted cretin across the room, snarling.

Yes. Now he sees why the Morningstar would smile. The little storm god made good bait, even if the former ruler of Hell had no intention of surrendering her.

The eternal ash scratches his lungs, but he can’t help drawing breath after breath, looking for some trace of her as he crouches to touch the floor of her cell.

She met him here.

He wonders if he can feel her hunger and thirst in the stone, her loneliness in the shadows.

She dreamed herself away, and now she will have no escape. Even if she walks the waking world, Morpheus has no doubt the Morningstar will find ways to punish her. And without a realm to govern, there should be plenty of time for torment.

The burden Lucifer so elegantly foisted on him prevents Morpheus from chasing after his little storm god for weeks and months. Time slips by as he sorts through the mess left by the Morningstar’s retirement, and by the time he’s free, she is gone.

He searches the waking world and discovers nothing. No stories, no whispers, no hints. The Morningstar has hidden her well, and he knows better than to ask the Lightbringer to trade a second time.

Months stretch on, birthing new years and decades.

He wonders as he waits in her meadow, still hoping that she will break the magical chains twisting through her mind and dream her way home.

Does she ache for him as he yearns for her?  

The grass is turning yellow.

Is she in pain?

The stream runs dry and the bare trees rattle like skeletons when faint breezes disturb the still air.

What else has the Morningstar taken from her in retaliation?

The sun is too bright, and the stars turn dull.

He was right. It is dying without her. Fading around him even as he tries to sustain the place where he kissed her, where they joined and made love for the first and last time.

Morpheus does not give up, but there is no path to follow, and the corner of his world they shared crumbles. She becomes another bleeding scar he cannot staunch, a misery he carries in love.

Perhaps one day. Perhaps by some miracle or mistake they will meet again. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Nothing kills hope, not even when it becomes a knife between his ribs.

He wanders the sea of the unconscious, looking for storms.

[mysteriousmissfsart]

Twisted Wonderland Thoughts and Theories #1

I’m here with some thoughts and theories about the new Diasomnia episode 7 chapters!

This update contains some of the most unsettling chapters of the game. It just made me shudder all over.

Well, I don’t want to give too many spoilers up here.

So, as always I’ll put everything under a cut!

Spoiler warning: Screenshots and description of events. Read at your own risk.

This update is just crazy!

It’s starts of all lighthearted and then becomes DARK at the end.

I’ve been trying not to cry but it was really hard-

As you all probably know by now, Malleus is my favorite character and I feel really connected to him.

It kind of feels like he’s the fictional depiction of my personality and me as a person. So seeing him snap and lose it, hit home really strongly. It was really hard for me to not feel like I could see myself in his shoes.

The way he screamed at Lillia in chapter 37 and told him “I WON’T HAVE TO LOSE YOU!!”, made me cry.

He sees Lillia as family and a friend. He’s not afraid of him or who he is. He sees beyond the scary exterior that Malleus can’t get rid of.

Malleus is attached to that. He’s attached to anyone that can see beyond his cold, scary exterior.

He could have refused being anyone’s friend at any time and he wouldn’t have been attached to anyone.

Right now, Malleus knows that those close to him have not hurt him in any way. So to him, it’s scary if they suddenly leave and that’s why he acted so rashly.

I’ll give a bit of an INFJ personality example, as I think he is one. His choices in this update make it clearer that he is, indeed, an INFJ.

INFJs don’t usually lose people but, people lose them. Let me explain: If I (an INFJ) befriend someone or get to know someone that later hurts me, I won’t make a fuss or fight. I would leave silently and have that person regret what they did. However, we only leave if we no longer see a solution and no longer care. If we fight and cry, we see a glimpse of hope and we still care. That can change at anytime though.

INFJs don’t like losing people they care about. We over think it and make ourselves feel like we wronged the person that left, even if it wasn’t our fault. We try to do anything we can to make our loved ones stay by our side. Loss hurts and it hurts much more when there are regrets involved as well as overthinking.

This is exactly what Malleus did in this chapter, he did what he could to make his loved ones stay. It might not be morally right but, he did the thing he found was within his power.

That is what made me emotional. He did exactly what I right now would say that I wouldn’t do and that it’s fictional, I don’t have such power. But when I think about it, if I were him, I would have done the same, if it was the only thing I could do. He’s scared of loss, he’s scared of being truly lonely. If I were in his shoes, I would have done the same. No matter how much I knew that they would hate me when they got back. I would believe that what I did was for them, even if it was selfish, I would believe that I did the right thing.

I think this is how Malleus feels and I understand that not everyone agrees with what he did. I am not trying to justify it. All I know and believe is that he acted on his fears. He lost his parents and now the person he saw as a friend and a family figure is going to leave him as well? Well, I think any of us would have snapped and gone mad.

I’ve also suffered a lot of losses of dear people. This is probably why I feel so much sympathy for Malleus. It’s much worse if you can do something and don’t do it. Even if it’s not the ideal solution. Well he did what he did so there’s no way of changing that.

Or maybe there is-

This brings us to the second part of this post. The theory part. (Even if we had a bit of theory above too)

We’ll also be discussing his overblot form. So first a screenshot from the game. (I’m also looking at the full overblot image)

I’ll just say it. He looks absolutely stunning and I would like to know where he found this stylish outfit-

Really-

Mhm-

The blot tears are dripping down much further than in the other overblot designs. They’re basically telling us that he’s been holding back his pain for hundreds of years.

The thorns symbolize the shackles of his position and power and everything he’s had to suppress.

He also has a belt over the thorn corset, it’s fastened in a way that makes it feel hasty. It feels like a symbol for hastily suppressed emotions, that are on the verge of erupting.

His horns are glowing with the same color that his powers have. His tail does the same.

He has blot markings on his face and his hand that look like dragon scales.

The markings on his face and the slicked back hair reminds me of Maleficent’s image with her head piece and horns.

The ends of his outfit are torn but with a spiky thorn like look on them. Even his leggings and underskirt(?) have spikes and look like thorns. His cape has green thorns as well.

He has this thorn harness(?) over his chest and a collar metal like tight around his neck.

His whole overblot outfit gives off the impression of symbolizing restraint and suppressed emotions.

No matter how much he smiles or laughs, there is still this coldness to it. It’s like he’s numb to his emotions.

We’ll probably get to know soon enough.

His shadow looked a lot like Maleficent in this image below:

Now for another image.

This basically shows how strong Malleus is. His powers put a whole country/island to sleep. I think he would have been able to do much more damage had he wanted to. He’s too strong.

The last images for this post are here and with them the last part of this post.

“You will be the heroes of a fairy tale.”

This makes it seem as if Malleus is telling them to fight him. Or that he’s giving them a second chance to save themselves from this fate. Or he’s not talking to the characters but to the people playing the role of the main character. To us. He’s telling us to be the hero of this story and save ourselves and the others.

There have also been these theories about the Yuu-verse and that there have been a lot of Yuus that have failed at stopping Malleus. Maybe there is a hidden chapter that unlocks after you defeat Malleus in the battle. But it’s impossible to win so I don’t know how this will go.

I think he might be alluding to The Sleeping Beauty trope and how they will be heroes, either saving each other or getting saved. He might also be alluding to the Maleficent movies and how she was portrayed as a hero instead of a villain in that story. He’s basically talking about the story of Twisted Wonderland as well, and how it’s making villains show heroic characteristics. It’s an amazing line and just makes the gears turn in my head.

If you look closely here, the logo is rippling like water.

The fact that Malleus started singing Once Upon a Dream at this moment makes it feel as if you’re being in a dream. The rippling images in movies and the sound of a harp playing always meant that the character was getting a flashback or dreaming in old movies. This might indicate that the game is going to start over until we save everyone from Malleus or that we’re all goners now.

I have a feeling that Idia or Maleficia (Malleus’s grandma) or both might help us out of this situation.

Or we’ll get a super out of the box surprise with all of the Yuus arriving at the door from different universes to help us (the current Yuu) defeat Malleus. That would be epic.

Or a more ultra super maximum universe can not comprehend out of the box surprise where the great 7 come and save us with Maleficent as the leader. That would be epic beyond belief.

Or all of the above.

I’d be happy with anything as long as it makes the wait worth it.

This part at the end of chapter 37 made me shudder because it was really unsettling.

Malleus is humming to Once Upon a Dream and it sounds hypnotic and scary. It almost sounds more like the Maleficent movie version more than The Sleeping Beauty version. The first is much darker and sounds scary while the latter is upbeat and sounds happy and sweet.

It feels like we’re getting an early ending, like a game over after meeting the final boss. It’s like we’re starting the game again. Like we woke up from an eternal sleep, to try our luck with saving the world again.

It just feels melancholy and like dejavu, like losing your memories but remembering the feelings you had associated with them. It’s strange and it’s a great thing that this game has accomplished. You don’t get this feeling easily in real life. This game should get awards and worldwide recognition for the amazing work put into it.

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Thank you for reading this! I really love explaining and sharing my thoughts and theories on the things I like. It took me 3 hours or more to write this as properly as I could and to get my thoughts across as much as possible. I really hope I did a good job.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

You can always tell me what you think as well!

I would love to hear your thoughts!

This is my favorite main story episode so far and it really pulls at my heartstrings in every possible way.

I look forward to the conclusion and how everything unfolds.

Thank you for reading!

-Miss F

[hiswordsarekisses]

Amy wrote this a very long time ago. And it’s still true today. Fear is dominating so many lives. I was just reading a book from 1957, the year I was born, about how much fear was in the world. And here we are in 2024.

And everyday, something will remind you that you should fear something and you aren’t being anxious enough.

But…..life is also wonderful.

Jesus is still sovereign.

God is still good. The Holy Spirit still does miracles.

True Love will never lose its powerful.

Beauty is still everywhere.

So quit getting so grounded in the garbage, you miss the love, joy and peace of God.

It’s available to everyone!

Constantly, every single day, I’m seeing that climate of fear, keeping so many from freedom and joy.

Recognize the distractions and patterns. Whatever it might be, the anxiety will rise.

The anger, the grief, the despair, the power of the Adversary can taunt our faith.

He will use us, just like he uses others.

We can sound just as hateful, just as critical, just as sarcastic as those oppositional to our message of hope.

Watch this obsession with the

temporal world news, following after fear mongers instead of Jesus. Be wise, not bent on knowing it all. We who know God personally already know.

The world most likely won’t repent today.

But here’s the truth….

You don’t want to eventually be a difficult, sad, anxious, person with attitude, clouded vision, undone hope, negativity, who finds it hard to walk with God, to be filled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit, to be waiting

for a glorious return.

Everything and anything can keep you from living a victorious, grace filled, vivacious, joyful in Christ, life on earth. Yes, it can dominate your life. I’ve seen it on here. You can’t even talk right for the constant feed of fear you pretend not to see.

But….

If you let the noise of what you hear and the blinding of what you see, dominate your moment to moment, you are going to lose your blessings of the eternal: love, joy and peace faster than you can imagine.

Please don’t let living on earth dominate your eternal status.

This. Is. Not. Our. Home.

This ……is all temporal.

You know that if you know Jesus.

It’s subject to constant change and chaos. Don’t you think the Adversary uses the drama to keep us focused on earth and ourselves? He doesn’t want us to walk eternally. People will avoid us, and then where will our opportunity to share the kingdom really go?

Jesus keeps us focused on what matters. That’s why He says to walk in the Spirit. You …..choose your domination.

Please be careful that in your need to know, to warn, to feel you know things nobody knows, to think yourself better, because you stay on top of the undergrounds, to be consumed by the latest tailspin, that you yourself are caught in it, unable to live in victory outside of it.

It’s a foolish idol.

Ask God to show you.

Deception steals from goodness of truth.

Absolutely ….know things.

Use your wisdom wisely.

We have an anchor.

We have a hope.

We have eternal life.

We need to share everlasting life.

Let us ask God to keep us balanced in the way we see the Adversary’s partying. Instead, let us devote ourselves to telling God’s truth. We can’t trust anything else.

Let us absolutely and relentlessly refuse to be dominated by what we see,

hear, or what steals from our peace, love and joy. If we truly believe God is in control, then it’s time to act like ….God is in control.

~Ann Stewart Porter

[ziracona]

So with my second read-through of my favorite chapters I think I finally figured out that Julie was essentially just dissassociating the whole time, or did I read that wrong? Also for the legion im curious if things will go differently than ILM did, speaking of which- Would Julie and Frank have caved and joined the survivors eventually? What do you think really would have convinced them?

More or less, although not like in a way where she doesn’t know what is going on. I think she just lightly dissociates constantly. She’s got a personality disorder, but she lies if I try to figure out which one. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So. I know how she behaves but not why. She’s very aware, she just…’unplugs’ as it were, from feeling it, so it’s easier to do, and has for years. Even the fun parts. That’s why she harps so much on things Frank says being nice because he talks about her like she’s a ‘real person’ or a ‘whole person.’ She’s very self aware. She knows she is not normal. She just chooses mostly not to think about that. Girl represses everything, always. Her brain is plugged in, her feelings are off, and so is any reasoning she doesn’t want to do.

Yes. Every timeline ends differently, especially for the realm killers and the Entity. NDF, ILM, FtEoNR, and HL (even ODE) would have some very significant changes. Some things always stay, the strongest ties as it were, like Nea and Min finding each other, but the ones more up to chance remain…butterfly effected.

But on to the exciting answer! (For me). A chance to talk about the chapter that never was for ILM! The answer is yes, they would have joined not long after the events of Oak, if the Entity hadn’t pushed a confrontation with Philip. I considered letting the story run longer to include the newest two releases (Yui and ST, I believe?). If I had, there would have been a chapter called Pheidippides that I was deeply fond of, and don’t think I’ve ever gotten to talk about before. Essentially, the short summary was the Clown ended up in an area beside Legion, and lured one of them (Julie) in with audio recorded bait. She got caught and tortured, with Joey swapping with her to protect her. The Clown tried to force him to switch back, because he prefers doing what he does to girls, and Joey refused. Using drugs on them to try and force him fucked them up, and made them temporarily lose the ability to switch back and forth, trapping Joey in the body. Jeff heard things going on, and attempted to help, and ended up trapped too, then got severely injured trying to draw fire off Joey. Eventually, drugs wear off enough Frank and Susie are able to swap and she (thin wrists) tag teams to get an arm free, and he stabs the Clown through the ear with a scalpel and kills him (outside a trial).

Frank immediately flips out and calls the Entity to be like “control your fucking killers what the hell?!? Two of us are in critical condition, and this survivor is one missed ER from dead!” But the Entity’s concern is immediately recovering its favorite killer, Kenneth, who was not insured at the moment, so it ejects them from Kenneth’s realm and makes it closed off while it tries to fix it. Frank keeps shouting about it needing to fix them them, which he can’t do because they’re in one body and thus can’t treat each other, so it just rips them back into four and basically tells him to fix it himself, and vanishes to rescue the Clown.

Frank and Susie are left mostly unharmed, with a traumatized and injured Julie, and a more severely injured and traumatized Joey, and an almost dead Jeff who has been getting tortured for them for the last hour. They have no medical supplies or experience, the Entity won’t come, everyone is going completely breakdown. The survivors have meds and expertise, and since Jeff entered Kenneth’s realm, while that’s impassible, it means the survivors /must/ be one away from them, with the ST Lab and Demogorgons, in the way.

Frank realizes Jeff’s only hope of survival is getting through the lab, to the survivors, and bringing them back. It’s the only way to help Joey and Julie either, who while not actively dying, are sincerely fucked. But they despise and won’t listen to him, so he can’t be the one to do it. He might get killed on sight. They’ll think it’s a trap. They won’t beleive. Which means Susie /has/ to. She’s the only one they’ll not hurt, and might believe. She’s terrified to do it, but going to, alone, but he tells her he’s not going to make her do it alone. He’ll go to protect her, and they’ll do it together.

They leave Julie and Joey to recuperate and try to care for Jeff best and long as they can, and then, knowing death outside a game is death for them (and this is a hell of a risk—they’re tough, but in the end they’re young adults with small knives, vs well, the destructive power of a demogorgon, and ILM verse while there’s only one demogorgon per trial, there are many in the Lab, so the lab is a death zone), and their odds are bad but there is just no other way, they together make a mad dash through the lab to the other side to get help.

And yeah I loved that idea it didn’t end up working for the over-arching narrative flow but maybe someday I’ll find a way to reuse it.

They would have become solid and continuing allies after the event, given the length of the Entity fucking them over, and survivors risking themselves to help. They’re flawed people, but they love their own deeply and sincerely. (Which is the exact situation the Entity is working to avoid during the events of NDF)