#I refuse I will find pain anywhere

[whereispearlescentmoon]

back in secret life w Gem on the murder camel (this directly combats the double life ask)

The Double Life Ask in question here

Pearl is back with Gem and the murder camel! She’s yearning for simpler times.

More thoughts under the read more:

Fun fact, in this exact moment, this conversation happens:

Pearl: Oh I love this so much, you are wonderful. Oh wait I need to bring the dogs!

Gem: I can’t believe you still want to be friends with me after all this.

Pearl: You know what, I can’t believe that either. But I guess here we are *laughs*.

Gem: Fair enough

Pearl: You just seem so fun to be friends with on a red life.

In case people forgot, before this Gem had taken both Pearl’s green and yellow life, which is what she’s referring to (and why I maintain that Life Series c!Gem is a hypocrite and she knows it). Pearl was only red because Gem had killed her, which is why Gem was shocked. Maybe some part of Gem wanted Pearl to kill her in Wild Life so badly because she knows they aren’t even. She knows she wronged Pearl, at least when she took her yellow life. She could have stopped and failed her task, she could have shouted at Pearl to put her shield up (which the task didn’t say she couldn’t do). But she didn’t, she kept hitting a confused and fleeing Pearl until she died. She wouldn’t have forgiven Pearl if she did the same thing. Its confusing. Pearl didn’t even kill her on her red life, just got a couple hits in, sat her dogs down even, and Gem doesn’t forgive her. It’s easier to get Pearl to kill her to get even than to have to deal with the fact that Pearl really hasn’t done anything to her, and that anything she did do, Gem did to her first and worse. It’s easier to be angry and betrayed than a hypocrite.

(This ask does in fact meet my criteria for breaking the location queue which is that something has to be either a meme that won’t be funny in a week or so funny it made me laugh out loud for real, and specifically the asking for it to combat the double life ask was hilarious to me)

[bats-and-the-birds]

I am thinking about the batkids and their rooms at the manor.

When Dick was first brought to the manor, Alfred put wooden letters that spelled out his name on the outside of the door to his room. He wanted the boy to feel like he belonged, and denoting the room as his seemed like the best way. At first, they spelled out "Richard", and were painted in red, green, and yellow -- the colors that his parents had worn for their circus act, that didn't have any other meaning yet. Dick pried them off the door and threw them away. He didn't want to accept that this was permanent yet. There were new letters on the door a few days later, blue this time, and spelling out "Dick" instead. Those letters got pried off much the same and shoved in a drawer, and they didn't get put back until a year later. He was too short to put them in the same place, so they ended up crooked, and Alfred found it too endearing to fix.

When he left the manor years later, he considered ripping the letters off the door and throwing them in the foyer on his way out. But he left them, and there they remained, crooked as ever.

Jason got his own letters when it became clear he wasn't going anywhere. He helped Alfred put them up on his bedroom door, standing on a step stool to make sure they got in the right place. His were evenly spaced and neatly aligned, and he refused to tell anyone that he cried over them that night. He'd spent months wondering if he'd ever live up to his predecessor, not just as Robin, but in the family as well. And now he had his own letters, just like Dick's, and they weren't going anywhere.

And they didn't. Even after he died. Bruce and Alfred both considered taking the name down to make walking past that empty room less painful, but in the end, they didn't dare touch the letters, just like they didn't touch anything else in the room. Years later, Jason would sneak into the manor through his old bedroom window and find his school uniforms still hanging in the closet, his textbooks on his desk, an open novel on his nightstand, and, of course, the letters still on the door, more of an epitaph than the one on his actual tombstone.

Tim fought for his name on a bedroom door. It took a while, but he trained, and he learned, and he forced himself into the role that he knew he could fill. Part of him thought that no matter how good and useful he made himself as Robin, he'd never really fill the role that the two before him did. He thought there might not be room for him after Jason's death, but he did it. He was older than the other two when Alfred finally put the letters up on his door, but he did it.

Later, when he left in search of Bruce, he didn't think for a second of taking his name down off his door. He'd earned it.

Damian's name got put up practically as soon as he got to the manor. He didn't think much of having his name on a door. If anything, it irked him a bit, being lumped in with the others, but it would have annoyed him more if he didn't get his own name. For a while, his name on the door, marking it as his from the hallway, was the only reason you could tell it wasn't the guest room that it had previously been. He had no photographs, had arrived with no personal affects.

That changed, eventually. As he gained friends, he also gained photos of them. He put up sketches and watercolor paintings of his animals. A dog bed got put on the floor for Titus. But the letters had been there from the beginning, and he grew to appreciate them eventually. His room, with the name on the door, was safe, and he liked it there.

Cass's letters showed up without much fanfare. They were simply there when she exited her room one day. "Cassandra" in black wooden letters that matched all of her new siblings'. She ran her fingers over them with reverence. She'd never been allowed to leave a mark before. Her life was predicated on being a shadow, but there was her name, in big letters, somewhere where other people could see it.

Steph had a room. She didn't want to admit it, but when she crashed at the manor, it was always in the same room. Her name was put up, and she took it down, and it was put up again, and she took it down again until it became something of a game between her and Alfred. If Steph was staying at the manor and Alfred didn't find a wooden S in a random cupboard, then have to search the house for the rest of her name, then he knew she was in a bad mood, and he usually made her favorite cookies and left them outside of the door with her name still firmly in place.

Duke's letters were waiting for him when he moved in. His name in bright yellow letters that matched his suit already in place. Of course it was, it's tradition at this point, and he's part of the family now. He had bounced around for a while now, and the letters on his door made him feel...calmer. It was a sense of permanence, and one he could learn to enjoy.

Barbara didn't need a room. She had her own room, in her own house, but Alfred still offered to mark out a space for her. She declined. When she did stay over, it was either in the cave or Dick's room, she didn't need her own. Still, that didn't mean her mark wasn't left somewhere. There was a study downstairs with a desk that she sometimes did her homework on as a child if she was staying over for the night. Now, the desk held a computer that was wired into the Batcomputer's network, a photo of her and her father, and, of course, tiny wooden letters affixed to the side that spelled out 'Barbara'.

[voxslays]

JUST LIKE CANDY — SQUID GAMES MEN

Summary: The squid games men with a sweet, kind, and slightly naive reader, who is just a total sweetheart throughout the games. Warnings: American!Reader mentioned in the salesman’s part.

HWANG IN-HO

❀ How did such a sweet, caring being such as yourself end up in a place like this? That was In-ho’s first thought when you ran up to him, inviting to sit with your group, which conveniently had Gi-hun already in it. You could be useful. You were so young. Your trusting and naive nature was going to get you hurt. He knew what the people in these games would do for money, so from that day forward he vowed to protect you.

❀ He cheered you on in six legged race, making sure his guards knew not to kill you just in case your team didn’t make it to the end for some reason. And in mingle, he made sure you were no more than an arms length from him at all times. He’s gotta keep you safe, doesn’t he? And in the end—during the rebellion—he refuses to let you join. In-ho can’t risk losing another person he cares about. It would destroy him. So he begs you to stay put, and you do.

❀ When he finally makes it back to his quarters and becomes the frontman again, he makes sure you’re safe. For the next three games, he wastes no time telling the guards that they should give you hints and clues on the next games. Once this is all over, you two can be together, as you should’ve been all along.

THE SALESMAN (GONG YOO)

❀ When the salesman sees you—a foreigner, likely American—sitting on a wooden bench in the park he liked to walk in during his ‘work’ hours, he couldn’t help but think of what an impeccable target you would be. A perfect contestant for the games. So, Gong-Yoo approached you, expecting the normal untrusting response. Maybe you’d be confused, speaking in English or poor Korean.

❀ But the recruiter was shocked when you waved at him politely, letting him sit beside you. Yet, the most shocking of all, your Korean was amazing for a foreigner. He didn’t even have time to offer you a card to the games before he was engaged in a polite conversation with you. Gong-Yoo didn’t even want to recruit you for the games anymore. Despite being a sadist, subjecting you to such pain and torment seemed wrong for him to do.

❀ Gong-Yoo finds you every day on the same bench, waiting for him. You two quickly become friends, and then something more. The Salesman finds himself excited for your company. So when he asks you to get dinner with him, he couldn’t be more pleased when you happily accept his offer. Another win for him.

HWANG JUN-HO

❀ When Jun-ho discovers an American officer has been transferred to his department, he finds himself slightly intrigued. When he finally meets you, he’s shocked. When he thought of an American, you were the farthest thing from it. You were a complete angel. Not like how the other detectives had described Americans as patriotic and cocky. No, you were different, and Jun-ho feels himself drawn to you.

❀ Jun-ho suggests you work on the case together. I mean, you’re new to the country, aren’t you? You might need some help navigating Seoul! What if you get lost? Jun-ho should be there to guide you for your first time. That, and he might have…maybe…wanted to get to know you better. The two of you find yourselves meeting up quite frequently. At the park, the local library, the station. Anywhere, really.

❀ When the two of you finally ‘crack the case,’ as you say back in the states, Jun-ho cant help but fawn over you like a teenage boy. The way your excitement shows through your gleaming eyes, or how you immediately go to give him a high five. Yeah, he knows you’re the one for him.

[chuulyssa]

──── ★ DRUGS SUCK IT UP LIKE VANILLA ICYS the recruiter x reader ────

starring the recruiter x detective!reader count 2.3k genre 18+ dark themes, yandere, stalking, kidnapping, gunplay, smut

notes I'LL KEEP EDITING THIS AND ADDING MORE SHIT WHENEVER I GET HORNY !!! make sure to keep tapping in lol notes wanted to write smth non horny but gong yoo just had to deepthroat that gun 🙂‍↔️ wrote this at 2am and i have my practicals tmr

You had no idea when you had lost track of him. One minute, you had been following his step through the bustling train station, and the next, your vision had blurred, and a sharp pain had shot at the base of your skull.

You didn’t know how long it had been since then. You opened your eyes, immediately shutting them back due to the sudden appearance of light to them. The scent of cigarette smoke filled your nostrils, and your tongue tasted blood.

You wriggled, trying to move your arms, but your hands had been tied behind your back, ankles tied to the legs of the chair you had been made to sit on. You opened your eyes once more. The room was dim with a single light bulb flickering on and off again and again.

“Detective,” a voice cooed at you from behind you.

You snapped your neck up to see his face smiling gleefully, staring down at you with a predatory glint in his eyes.

“Imagine my surprise,” he continued, moving away to stand in front of you, “when I realized the pretty lady that had been following me all this while,” he leaned against what you could make out to be a wooden table, “was you.”

His smirk was maddening. You remembered it from all those years ago. The handsome man in a suit, way too overdressed to meet you where he had. The man who had approached you when you were hopelessly drunk in a children’s park, crying about an unsolved case. He had wiped your tears back then, kissed your fears away. You still recall his words.

“Since we’re in a children’s park, how about a children’s game?”

Thank god for the polite refusal of yours, or you would’ve been in the same position as your current client. Seong Gihun. For whom you had been trailing this man for weeks now. The Recruiter.

“Hello? Earth to you, miss?” He snapped his fingers in front of your dazed face, making you jump at the sudden sound. He laughed at you. Then, flicking ash from his cigarette onto the floor, he mocked you. “I had such high hopes for you back then, sweetheart. But you said no,” he pouted, then cackled maniacally at your expression. “I got a kiss though!”

“Shut up,” you hissed.

He chuckled darkly, the sound echoing throughout the small room. Your eyes darted around to check for windows or exits, but you couldn’t find any in the pale lighting. “Aw, you want me to let you go? After you’ve been my little shadow for the past month?”

You looked away, and he only smirked, walking towards you. He grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked it upwards to catch your attention. “You look at me while we’re speaking. Don’t you have manners, love?”

“Don’t call me that,” you scoffed.

“Oh, you don’t want me to call you that? Is that right, love?” He jeered. When you scowled at him, he dropped his smirk. “Oh, come on now. We both know you’re not going anywhere. Come, let’s have a chat, shall we?”

He sat on the floor, his toes lifting him off the ground by themselves. The soles of his shoes clinked, tilting up so that he was mostly leaning onto you.

“It’s so flattering,” he began, “that you spent so much time trying to follow me all this time later. Am I that captivating, Miss Detective?”

“No.”

“Ah, but you are, certainly,” he nuzzled his face into your lap, making you squirm. You tried to close your thighs, but the restraints didn’t allow you to. “I’ve been dreaming of you ever since I saw you that night.”

He hummed, his knees going down to support his stance. He moved his hands to caress the front of your waist softly. “I cried because you were crying. So don’t cry over anything other than me, hm? It makes me so upset.”

He unbuttoned your pants swiftly, and you flinched. He looked up, amused at your reaction. You glared at him, refusing to speak, but the look in your face, the desire in your eyes, even the wetness he could practically smell betrayed you. He tilted his head.

“Still so stubborn,” he murmured, reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face. You jerked your head away, but the restraint made it futile.

He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You’re in my world now, detective. And in my world, we play games.”

He pulled out a revolver from under his suit. The metallic click of the very much real weapon cocking made your breath hitch.

Where did he get that from?

He always managed to surprise you.

“Russian roulette,” he announced dramatically, spinning the cylinder. “You know this, yes? A game of chance. Just like life.”

“You’re fucking insane,” you spat, trying to keep your voice steady, but you could feel it quaking in fear. You were scared now.

“Maybe,” he agreed, stepping behind you and pressing the cold barrel of the gun to your temple. “But aren’t you curious, detective? I am. I’m so so curious. You make me feel it. To crave it. Don’t you see it?”

You closed your eyes. The pressure of the gun against your skin seemed unbearable now. It was as if the nuzzle could pierce through your brain with how he was holding it against you.

“I want to see,” he kissed the top of your head, “just how far you’re willing to go to solve this case.”

I’ll do anything, you thought.

“I’ll make you a deal,” he whispered, his breath hot against your ear. “Beg me to stop, but there’ll be consequences then. Or take the risk.”

His voice was a low purr. The gun shifted slightly, trailing down your temple to rest just below your jaw.

“Say the word, and I’ll put it all to an end. No more games. No more questions.” His other hand came up, ghosting over your chest. “But then you’ll have to give me something else in return.”

You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to steady your breathing as he groped your breast through the fabric of your shirt. The room felt too small, the air too thin.

“What’s it going to be, darling?” he teased, the nickname twisting in your gut like a knife. His fingers found your hardened nipple through the fabric, and his lips your neck.

“I...” you started, but your voice cracked. His soft chuckle rumbled against your pulse, sending an unwanted shiver down your spine.

“No shame in fear,” he said, almost kindly. The gun tilted up, tilting your chin with it, forcing you to meet his dark, hungry gaze in the reflection of the mirror in front of you. “Little Miss Detective, found dead in a basement room. Your parents wouldn’t like to hear that now, would they?”

Your eyes widened. He knew. He knew from the start you had been tailing him. He had kept tabs on you, more than you had on him.

“Stop,” you whispered. “Please.”

“Ah, is that the best you can do?” He cooed at you, and your hands clenched into fists.

“Please let me go,” you said, almost angrily, and he threw his head back to laugh.

“That’s not how you say it, dolly.”

You took a deep breath in, feeling your pride crush and fall down around you in bits and pieces. “Please, I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” He repeated in a child-like voice. “Like what?”

“Anything you like.”

His smile grew. “Will you be willing to play a game with me, then?” His hand reached under your shirt to caress your nipple, and you could feel yourself gushing at the touch.

“What game?”

“Hm, let’s see,” he murmured softly, fingers circling around your nipple. “I’ll count down from ten.”

You swallowed hard. “And?”

“And for every second that passes, I’ll take one step closer to you,” he explained, his lips curling into a sly smile. “If you say the safe word, I stop. But…” He picked up the gun, rolling the cylinder lazily before he pointed it to the side and—

BANG !

You shook, trying to cower and hide yourself, but even that was difficult. The aftereffects of the shot echoed in the silence, until it faded away. It made everything seem realer, if that was even possible. He grinned at your reaction. “There will be problems.”

“What problems?”

“That’s for me to decide,” he said simply, leaning forward, the gun still in his hand. “Do you want to play, Miss Detective?”

You hesitated. There was no way out of this room, no way out of his control. And he knew it.

“Good.” He stood, assuming your answer before you even responded. But the gun was still in his hand, and you didn’t dare disobey. He stepped back to the far wall and bumped into a table on the way. Angrily, he kicked the table out of his way, muttering curses all the while. Then his expression softened as he turned to you. “The rules are clear. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

He began.

“Ten.” The sound of his boots against the floor echoed around.

“Nine.” Another step. His eyes locked onto yours like a predator stalking its prey.

“Eight.” Your hands gripped the edge of the chair.

“Seven.” The gun in his hand wasn’t aimed at you yet, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from it.

“Six.” He was close enough now that you could see the faint smirk playing on his lips.

“Five.” “Wait,” you blurted out.

He paused mid-step, tilting his head. “Wait? That’s not the safe word.” He took another step, closer still. You clenched your jaw, now starting to panic.

He never even gave you a safe word in the first place!

“Four.” He was looming over you now, the barrel of the gun tracing along the edge of the table.

“Three.” “Stop,” you said loudly.

“Two.” The gun was under your chin now, tilting your head up to meet his gaze.

“One.” He smiled, satisfied, as he crouched down to your level, his face mere inches from yours. “You didn’t use the safe word,” he murmured, the gun tracing along your jawline.

“You didn’t give me one!”

“Details,” he rolled his eyes. “But now, as per the rules, of course…” He kneeled down in front of you again, head tilting down. His hands went up to grip both sides of your waist.

“Wait—”

“Shut up.”

For a moment or two, you didn’t feel anything. That was until his tongue licked a striped against your clothed cunt.

“Ack!” You jumped, trying to push him off you, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Like that?” He nuzzled his face into the wetness, making you shiver. “I haven’t even started yet, baby,” he mumbled. Then, he sank his teeth into your clothed thigh.

You let out a loud cry, hoping that someone — anyone — would hear you. But no one did. No one came.

“Quiet now, dolly.” His teeth chewed at your waistband for a few seconds before pulling it down completely. “Up,” he tapped your waist, and you obediently raised your hips. He pried your pants off you.

“Oh,” he let out a disappointed sigh when he saw that your panties were still covering you. “We’ve got to take this off, hm?” He cooed at you again. “Come on, taking it off for me now.”

“What?”

“I said, take it off.”

“How?” You were taken aback.

“Wiggle wiggle,” he smiled like a dork. Then he sat up and kissed your ear. “I’ll help you with the top till then.”

He helped lift your top over your head directly. Once it was off, his lips immediately latched back onto your cheek. “Panties off, please. Before I rip them apart.”

You nodded and fidgeted for a while, lifting your hips up and down and trying to get the fabric off you. But it wouldn’t budge at all.

“Pathetic,” he said, though he looked at you fondly, as if mocking your vulnerability. Tugging a finger under the waistband of your panties, he peeled the soaked cloth away from your skin easily, patting your waist so you’d lift them up to get it off completely. 

You were exposed to him. Naked from top to bottom except for the bra he somehow hadn’t removed yet. You felt the sudden chill of air against your bare pussy. Your nipples pebbled further. He tossed the underwear aside.

His hands slid along your thighs, spreading them wider. “Beautiful.” His fingers tightened. A hand snaked between your legs, cupping the flesh of your thighs easily. “So wet. Already? You should be ashamed.”

You flushed lightly, trying to come up with a retort. But he shut you up immediately. His middle finger had found its way inside you.

“Fuck—” you groaned, and he snickered.

He wiggled his finger within you, grinding it against your inner walls, pressing firmly on that sweet spot while watching as your face contorted in pleasure.

Your body bucked as he added another finger, stretching you wide open. Then another. And another.

He pulled back suddenly, and you whined.

“Why—?”

“No,” he whispered, standing up. His large frame towered over yours, his hands reaching behind your neck to unclasp your bra. “Such nice tits, dolly.” He squeezed them in his rough palms as if grateful to God for his creations. His thumb brushed across your hardening nipple, teasing the peak into a tighter bud, if that was even possible.

Then he lowered his head, capturing one between his lips and suckling deeply. His tongue flicked expertly at your hardened nipple, nipping lightly.

You could see stars.

Suck. Nip. Twist. Fiddle. Suck. Nip. Twist. Fiddle. Suck. Ni—

He moved onto the other one and did the same.

Fuck was he good at his job.

He left trails of kisses on your chest. Both of them were red and swollen now, and you were left cursing his name in your mind.

“I’ve been playing nice all this while, don’t you think? Let’s make it rougher.”

[singmyaubade]

Growing Pains

poly!marauders x female!reader

summary: you are in desperate need of a job, and the marauders are in desperate need of a babysitter, what's the worst that could happen?

warnings: eventual smut! 18+ | age gap between marauders & reader (not heavily identified) | reader is 21 + | mature language.

author's note: hello everyone! so i have multiple poly!marauder fics going on at this very moment (i know) but this was something that came to me and i thought it would be so cute to write since i never really dip my toes into this kind of normal au's. but please enjoy!

! divers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics !

Being unemployed right out of university was not part of your plan.

You knew that it wasn’t unusual to be unemployed after attending university, but you also had high expectations for yourself.

Originally, you were going to intern at your father’s law firm for a while just to get on your feet, while living in your own studio apartment, which he would pay for—his reward for you ‘stepping up’ straight out of university.

After that, you planned to gain some experience and then be able to work at an actual law firm—not just intern—and pay off your studio apartment on your own.

But, as usual, you and your father had gotten into a blown-out, heated argument about your future. All you had said was that you ‘wanted to do some writing on the side’ during dinner, and everything blew up when he claimed that ‘writing is unreliable and wouldn’t get you anywhere in life,’ which only pissed you off.

It ended with you saying some things you didn’t regret, but maybe should have, and him cutting you off financially, retracting the offer at his law firm.

Instead of groveling, you let your stubbornness take over, storming out and having to find somewhere to live as soon as possible.

Thankfully, your cousin, who had graduated a few years before you, was openly looking for a roommate and wasn’t charging a high rate. You took the offer immediately, but finding a job was a real pain in the ass.

Every place you tried to intern at said you didn’t have enough experience or was in competition with your father’s law firm.

And every place you applied to—whether it was as a barista, waitress, assistant, etc.—rejected you.

For no reason, might you add.

You were growing hopeless and severely depressed. Mary was finding it quite hard to comfort you lately, especially since you were holed up in your room, refusing to leave.

She didn’t even think you went out to use the bathroom.

So eventually, when you came out of your room for your 8 PM coffee, she confronted you.

“Y/N,” She sighed, looking at you as you wrapped yourself in a blanket, dark circles under your eyes. “I love you a lot, but I need you to bloody get it together!”

You groaned. “What do I have to live for if no one will hire me and I’m just unsuccessful?” You sulked. “I mean, I’m going to be living with you until you and Lily have kids!” You screeched, horrified.

Mary looked spooked. “I pray not,” She replied, walking over to you and cupping your cheeks in her hands. “You just need to have more faith in yourself—and maybe a little boost,” She said, letting go and sitting on the counter. “Which is why I got you that little boost and got you a job!” She said excitedly, grinning as you looked at her in shock.

“Wait, what?” You responded. “Doing what? And how?” You asked nervously as her grin widened.

“Well, it’s a full-time babysitting gig,” She said happily, swinging her legs.

“So, a nanny?” You asked, sounding a bit deflated.

“Well, unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll be living with them, but yeah, kind of,” She said, as you hummed.

“And you know the parents?” You asked hesitantly.

“Oh, like the back of my hand,” She said calmly as if your question was ridiculous.

“I mean, should I text them or anything? Or at least let them get to know me before I start babysitting for them?” You asked nervously.

Mary waved you off. “They’re really chill, they’ll love you,” She said happily as she hopped off the counter.

“Wait, but—” You tried to speak again, but Mary wasn’t having it.

“I’ll send you their address. You have to be there at 10 AM!” she yelled before heading to her room.

That wasn’t very informative.

You were never this nervous. You really didn’t want to mess this up. Your palms were sweaty, and you were worried they'd think something was wrong with you, maybe unfit to handle kids if you were this nervous over meeting the parents. And Mary hadn’t even bothered to give you any info about the family—no names, no details about their children.

What made it worse was that you couldn’t decide what to wear. You wanted something casual but presentable, something that said 'I’m approachable, but not a slob.'

You were pretty sure the wife wouldn't appreciate anything too scandolous, and a single dad might misread it.

You ended up choosing a red and green Christmas sweater, mom jeans, and Mary Jane’s—comfortable enough, you thought, to handle kids.

Unfortunately, your timing didn’t match. Without a car (since your dad had cut you off), you had to bike there. And to make matters worse, you’d burned your toast and didn’t have time to make more. You were late, pedaling as fast as you could, praying your GPS was right.

You finally arrived at a beautiful suburban house—exactly what you imagined when you thought of a family of four. The house had a neat front yard, a doormat, and was surrounded by well-kept homes. Taking a deep breath, you rang the doorbell and quickly checked your reflection. Your hair was a mess, but you didn't have time to fix it before the door swung open.

A man with black hair, a black button-up shirt, and tattoos on his arms greeted you. He was strikingly handsome with a charming smile. And.. great, you were already crushing on the dad.

"Hey, you must be Y/N, the babysitter Mary recommended," He said with a grin, extending his hand. "We were expecting you—come on in."

The house felt warm and homey, with photos of kids everywhere and Christmas decorations all over. Toys were scattered on the living room floor but not in a messy way—just lived in.

"Sorry about the mess," The man said, laughing and running a hand through his hair. "You’ve arrived during morning madness."

"Oh, it’s fine," You replied, feeling flustered. "The decorations are lovely."

"They kind of went overboard this year," He chuckled.

Before you could say anything else, another man entered the room—a tall, broad figure with light brown hair, wearing a white button-up shirt and brown slacks. Scars marked his face, but they somehow added to how pretty he was.

“Sirius,” The man grumbled, “I told you to tidy up an hour ago,” He sent an annoyed look his way,

"Remus," The new man said, extending a hand. "Apologies for the chaos. It’s never this untidy."

"Yes, it is," Sirius teased. Remus shot him a look, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

"It’s nice to meet you both," You said with a smile. "Your home is beautiful. It reminds me of my family’s place."

Remus looked relieved. "We’re glad to have you. Can I get you anything? A glass of water?" He asked.

"I think I’m fine," You answered kindly as Remus led you to the couch.

Sirius sat next to you, creating a situation where you were sandwiched between the two men. You felt a little nervous, but they looked extremely comfortable.

"So, Mary didn’t tell us much about you," Remus started.

"She just gave us your last name and I didn't think it would be kind to search you up," Sirius added.

You laughed nervously. "Yeah, she can be a bit mysterious for no reason."

Sirius noticed you fidgeting and put a hand on your knee. "We’re just happy to get to know you ourselves," He said with a kind smile.

"Well, ask me anything," You said, trying to calm your nerves.

"Anything?" Sirius asked with a teasing smile. You flushed, and Remus shot him a warning look.

"How old are you?" Remus asked.

"21," You answered.

"Ah, the responsible age," Sirius joked, "How has it been?" He asked, trying to make you more comfortable.

"It’s been good," You replied. "More responsibilities now, its been a bit hectic."

"Out of school?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, just finished," You said with a smile.

"What did you study?" He continued.

"Criminal Justice with a minor in Creative Writing."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Remus here is a bit of a writer himself."

You perked up. "Really?"

Remus chuckled. "Just write novels here and there."

"Which ones?" You asked eagerly, looking at him in excitement.

"Probably haven’t heard of them," Remus said, shrugging. "The Idea of the Unknown was one that was popular for a bit," He added casually, and your eyes widened.

"Wait, you wrote The Idea of the Unknown?" You asked in disbelief.

He laughed. "Yeah, that’s me."

He seemed completely nonchalant as he mentioned one of the books that had shaped your entire view on life. You were amazed by how humble he could be about it.

And then it clicked,

He was one of your all time favorite authors.

You almost fainted. "You’re the Remus Lupin?" You asked, excited.

"Surprised you know my work," He said. "I didn’t think your age group read my books."

"I love your books!" You exclaimed. "The story between Ophelia and Duke had me crying for weeks after the ending."

Remus smiled warmly. "I spent fifteen years perfecting that ending. Glad it made an impact."

"But we're glad you love his work," Sirius teased, a sly grin painting his face.

You blushed, mortified. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to turn this into a meet and greet. I swear I’m not a stalker."

Sirius laughed. "Honestly, this just makes us more sure about you. At least we know you have taste." He nudged your shoulder jokingly.

You felt a bit guilty for not asking more about their kids. "So, what are their names?"

You pointed to a picture of two kids—a boy with dark hair and hazel eyes, and a shy-looking girl with long brown hair. They were both in front of the Christmas tree with matching Rudolph pajamas as the boy smiled confidently in front of the camera and the little girl hid behind him.

"Harry is almost four—he’s a bit of a handful, but he’s brave. Ruby’s shy, but she’s a clever little thing." Remus says, "And don't be fooled by either of them, they love to prank people and be up to no good,"

"They’re both adorable," You said. "I’m sure I’ll love them."

Remus checked his watch. "Actually, they should be back from their walk about now."

And just as he said that, the door opened, and in came a tall man with glasses and black hair that was shorter than Sirius's, carrying Ruby on his back and with Harry hanging from his leg.

Yet another handsome man.

"Okay, go to your daddies," The man said, setting Ruby down. She rushed over to Sirius, while Harry went to Remus, peppering him with questions.

The man turned to you. "And who’s this?" He asked with a grin.

You felt your heart race. "I’m Y/N, the new babysitter," You said, extending a hand.

"James," He said, then surprised you by pulling you into a hug. "Nice to meet you."

Sirius laughed. "He’s a hugger." He picked up Ruby as she pulled on his long locks of hair, earning a pained groan from him as he put her back down, "Not nice," He jokingly pouted as he rubbed his head.

You were too busy by James's embrace to be fully locked on to the kids as his scent infiltrated your nose. James smelled like maple syrup and firewood, and it almost made you dizzy.

When he pulled back, he grinned. "We’re glad to have you."

"Yeah, we need a new face around here," Sirius added as Ruby shyly hid behind his legs.

"Come on, Ruby, say hello," James coaxed, looking at the little girl and nodding his head to you as she went towards you in a shy manner, "She won't bite," James added, trying to help.

You kneeled down to her level. "Unless you want me to," You joked, making her giggle.

"My name’s Y/N. What’s yours?"

"Ruby," She said quietly.

"That’s a pretty name," You said. "You’re pretty too."

Ruby smiled shyly, and you stood up to find a little Harry already approaching you.

"Do you have cookies?" He asked, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"Not yet," You laughed.

"Bwoo," Harry pouted, moving over to James as he picked him up.

"Looks like you’re going to be a good fit,"

[littlemissaddict]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley:

"Oi, where do ya think ya going love?" Simon grumbles, sleepily reaching out for her as he feels her body moving from his own. Perks (or rather problems when he's on leave) of working in the field is that while he can sleep almost anywhere, the slightest sound or movement is enough to jolt him awake.

Her on the other hand, didn't hear a word Simon just said as she's still fast asleep, lost in dreamland as she rolled away from him.

Simon, though, seems to take it personally that she moved away from his embrace no matter how unintentional it may have been. The mattress dips under his broad form as he shuffles along the bed towards her still sleeping form, his large hands finding her waist and pulling her back into him with a sigh.

The unexpected movement finally wakes her, "Mhmm Si-" She mumbles out groggily, trying to turn in his hold to face him.

"S'kay love, jus' go back t'sleep"

Johnny 'Soap' Mctavish:

Normally, trying to wake Johnny when he was on leave was like trying to wake the dead but tonight it seemed the tiny movement of her climbing out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night was more than enough to wake him. His strong arms curling around her middle and stopping her in the process as her bladder cries in protest.

"Where ya runnin' off ta?" His voice rough with sleep as he asks.

"Nowhere, just need to pee" she almost pleads with him, squealing when he tightens his arms around her a squeezing slightly.

"Nah, I think I'll keep ya righ' 'ere" he hums, closing his eyes again as his arms rest heavy against her body.

"I swear Johnny, let me go or there'll be a puddle in the bed" She warns, "and not the fun kind" She frowns, forgetting that he can't see her as he still has his eyes closed, in hopes of spurring him onto let her go.

"Ooh, the fun kind eh" he teases, perking up again, "an wha' fun would that be?" He smirks, knowing the answer already as to what she was referring to.

"Doesn't matter because you won't be getting none if you don't let me go" She threatens as a last-ditch effort for him to finally release her even though they both know that she could never refuse him for too long.

It works in her favour as he let's her go with a pained groan as if she's wounded him. She's used to his dramatics now, rolling her eyes as she rushes to the bathroom.

She returns to find Johnny watching her expectantly from the bed, the mischievous glint still shining brightly in his eyes, but she cuts him off before he can start again. "I don't think so, I'm going back to sleep" she warns sternly, knowing that a few well planned touches from Johnny and she'll be putty in his hands.

[retrosabers]

𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐝.

FICMAS DAY 5 - UNWRAPPING

A RETROSABERS X PANDAPETALS DOUBLE FEATURE

old man logan x fem!reader

summary: logan didn’t believe in exchanging christmas presents. so, you offer him something you know he can’t refuse. a night where’s he’s free to have you all to himself.

contains: 18+ content below the cut. MINORS DNI. making out, some dry humping if you squint, oral (fem receiving), implied age gap, a dash of angst, swearing

word count: 2.6k

a/n: you thought i’d let a whole season pass without a little taste of some festive smut? absolutely hilarious. this is my first time writing for old man logan, and i think i did pretty alright considering i have yet to watch the movie (i’m terrified of the pain it will bring)

any feedback is always greatly appreciated!

also, don’t be confused by the fact that this says day 5 when i still haven’t posted day 4, i’m writing these bad boys out of order

and finally, a huge shoutout & thanks to the wildly talented @pandapetals for agreeing to do a little collaboration! please go check out her blog and all of her amazing work! <3

FIND HER PART HERE

!! divider by @estrelinha-s !!

FICMAS MASTERLIST

“are you sure your eyes are closed?”

logan grunts. “they’re closed, darlin’. promise.”

he’s been sitting here for almost fifteen minutes now, waiting for you to bring out this so-called “surprise.” from the ambient lighting and freshly washed bed sheets, the man thinks he’s got a general idea of what it is, but you’ve been fiddling in the bathroom too long for him to be certain.

still, he appeases you, and waits patiently at the foot of your bed. even if it’s a little bit uncomfortable on his knees.

meanwhile you’re fussing over every little detail of your appearance in the groggy bathroom mirror.

this was your solution to getting around logan’s “i don’t need anything for christmas” rule. you always begrudgingly abided by it, save for the box of cigars that always mysteriously turnt up in his nightstand on christmas eve. you knew he could never turn it down, no matter how much he tried.

logan could never say no to a smoke break with a nice pack of cubans. and he most certainly couldn’t say no to you.

that's how you decided upon this whole scheme. dolling yourself up and donning a new set of lingerie themed to the occasion, knowing logan had no leg to stand on. because technically, you didn’t buy anything for him. you bought this for you. he just so happened to be the person who was going to help take it off.

or rip it off, knowing your man’s track record of impatience and eagerness.

you share the exact same sentiment, though your tendency to be anile overpowers all else. you know it doesn’t matter if you have a hair or two out of place, or if your lips are slightly over lined. perfection never mattered to logan, but it still didn’t stop you from doing everything in your power to be pretty damn close to it tonight.

even if it meant making him wait a few extra minutes.

you pay your reflection one final glance before sauntering out into the bedroom.

he smells you before he hears you.

your scent wafting into the room captures his attention more than anything else. logan’s senses may not be as keen as they once were, but the fragrance of you was something utterly unmistakable. a sweet yet sultry aroma that he ached to have on his skin, his clothes, anywhere, to keep him grounded. to remind himself that you were real and you were his. it only adds to the anticipation building inside, the mere seconds he has to wait dragging on like hours in his mind.

a wave of lust overtakes you as logan comes into view. somehow just the sight of him is enough to send a bout of arousal down to your core.

that crisp white dress shirt he always wears is unbuttoned at the top, sleeves rolled up to reveal those chiseled forearms you love to have wrapped around you. the soft glow of the lamp on the bedside table illuminates the weathered curves of his face so beautifully. a contrast to the ruggedness of his position; legs lazily spread wide and long, thick fingers tapping mindlessly against his thigh.

the picture of a real man. and he’s all yours for the taking.

the sound of your footsteps padding against the floor grows louder. obediently, logan’s eyes stay shut, despite the fact that the other aroma you carry is hot and heavy in his nostrils. his upper lip twitches with a knowing smirk.

so this is exactly what he had in mind.

on instinct, his thighs spread even further when he senses your approach, hands itching to find their place on you somehow. when your own stay glued to your sides, he takes that as his cue to do the same.

logan really hates to admit it, but there’s something about this little bit of mystery that’s got him going before you’ve even begun.

“you ready?” your voice comes out breathy, and if logan didn’t know any better he’d think you’re nervous. and truth be told, you were. not that logan wouldn’t get his kicks, you were certain of that. more so that you’d be unable to walk come tomorrow morning.

though neither of you would consider it a bad thing

“yes ma’am,” he grumbles in response, knowing exactly the effect it has on you. the cockiness on his face is inevitable when he hears your breath hitch.

tease. if that’s how he wants to play, you’re in for a long night.

with a quiet sigh, you splay your fingers over the expanse of his broad shoulders. the man takes it as permission, calloused palms wrapping around your calves and not daring to travel any further. he knows he’ll lose any remaining self control if he gets so much as an inch closer to the apex of your thighs.

“okay.” you murmur. “you can open your eyes.”

slowly, those dark irises begin to drink you in. his grip on you tightens as soon as he gets the whole picture, a visible tent forming in his dress slacks almost immediately.

logan thought you were the most beautiful women he’s ever seen under any conditions. didn’t matter if you were sick, if you were bare faced, none of that changed how otherworldly you looked in his eyes. but nothing, and i mean nothing, compared to the sight of you before him right now.

you look like something out of a dream. hair styled in a way that drives him particularly crazy, makeup done to highlight your features so elegantly in the dim light. the best, and quite possibly logan’s favorite part, however, is that your lips are painted a shade of red to perfectly match the ensemble adorning your body. it sparks a slideshow of rather lewd images in his brain, wanting the color scattered across his cheek, his chest, his cock. anywhere you’re willing to brand him.

he’s committed every inch of you to memory by now. countless nights of exploring, mapping out your curves with hand and tongue. and still, everytime he sees you like this, practically offering yourself on a silver platter, he can’t help but stare back as though this is the very first time.

especially when that crimson silk is accentuating your figure so nicely.

“do you like it?” you ask coyly, bottom lip tucked between your teeth like you’re not fully aware of the power you have over him.

logan scoffs out a laugh, dragging his hands higher and higher until they tug at your hips, pulling you to straddle his lap in one swift motion. you squeak at the sudden display of strength, forgetting that despite his age, he was still infinitely stronger than any man you’ve ever met.

even beneath the layers of fabric between you, the sheer size of him was impossible to ignore. fuck, and he wasn’t even fully hard. you bite back a moan at the outline of his length pressed between your legs.

“that answer your question?” he quips back lowly, smirking smugly.

you hum in content, pressing your hands further into his shoulders as you experimentally grind your hips. the pair of you preen at the contact, desperate for any form of relief after being pent up and waiting.

“careful,” logan grits out in warning. “gonna cum in my pants like a fuckin’ teenager if you keep that up.”

you tsk in response, cocking your head with faux concern. “can’t have that, now can we?”

logan shakes his head at your antics, eyes wandering back over your body once more. before tonight, his favorite set of lingerie you owned was a black lacy number. simple and classic. but the more time he spends inspecting what’s currently adorning your frame, the more he thinks that red might be his new favorite color.

something warm spills over him when he glances at your chest again. something different than what he normally experiences every time he catches a glimpse of your cleavage, anyways.

“is that a bow?” he questions, a little bit amused.

you let out a soft giggle, nodding in reply.

“wanted you to be able to unwrap your present.”

you can count the amount of times logan has laughed, really truly laughed, on one hand. and as much as it sounds like music to your ears, you’re rather confused as to why he’s laughing right now.

“what’s so funny?” you huff, brows knit together and bottom lip jutted in a near pout.

logan averts your inquiry, burying his face in your neck so you can’t see him grinning like an idiot. instead, he busies himself with dragging his lips up and down the column of your throat, reveling in the breathy moans spilling from your lips with each and every press against your skin.

from the moment you met logan howlett, you fantasized about that salt and pepper beard. longed to feel the delicious sting of scruff against every part of you. as addicting as it is, the sensation isn’t enough to keep you completely distracted.

“logan,” you whine, titling your head back to grant him more access. “m’serious.”

he doesn’t halt his ministrations, too consumed with making sure your neck is painted every shade of lavender under the sun. he only stops when you rake your fingers in his hair and physically pull him off, much to both your dismays.

you give him a look. that pursed lips, narrow eyed “what aren’t you saying to me” look that signals he’s going to have to fess up to whatever’s on his mind, or else the evening would be coming to an end right here and now. from the way he’s about to burst through the zipper on his dress slacks, you know he’s not considering weighing options.

logan sighs heavily. if you didn’t know all the variations of the sound, you’d think he was upset with you. but that was far from how the older man felt. he begins to examine your face, observing everything from the slopes of your bone structure, to the color of your irises. he studies your features like an artisan in a gallery, content on not missing a single detail.

after a moment, the corners of his mouth turn up a hair. eyes almost dopey; filled with a lovesickness he never thought could be possible.

“you’re somethin’ else, y’know that?” he murmurs into the air, rough fingertips tracing back and forth across your spine.

you speak the language of logan fluently, knowing exactly what the underlying message of his words were. in reality, he was saying, “what did i do in this life to deserve you? will you ever know how much i love you? i hope you’ll be mine for as long as you’ll have me.”

suddenly his round of laughter from before rings brighter in your ears.

instead of saying another word, you guide his face to yours, connecting your lips in a silent understanding.

logan always kisses you like a man starved, devouring you whole as though every kiss may be the last. there was nothing tame, or tender about the man they once called the wolverine, but you managed to slip between the cracks of his stony disposition, and bring forth all the parts of himself he swore he lost decades ago.

your hands encircle around the back of his neck, logan’s squeezing at the flesh of your hips. he pulls you impossibly closer, pressing the swell of your chest against his own. the feeling of your nipples pebbling through velvet fabric reminds him of the true nature of your current situation.

tonight was for him. his pleasure, his enjoyment. he knew you’d be heavily dissatisfied if he didn’t indulge in what you were offering.

and what kind of man would logan be, if he disappointed his sweet girl?

you’re not expecting him to be so gentle when he turns and flips you over, mouth never once leaving yours. a large hand spread across your back as he lowers you down onto the mattress with a care reserved for you and only you. a fact that adds to your current state of arousal. your legs open like second nature, and logan slots himself between them as though that’s where he was always meant to be.

the whine that leaves you when he pulls away would be embarrassing if it weren’t for the hunger in his stare. those normally hazel pupils now a brownish black that overshadowed bright white. he sits back on his haunches, glazing over your pretty little lingerie with a newfound appreciation.

he reaches to toy with the end of the bow tied snugly between your breasts, a teasing invitation that he graciously accepts.

at a tantalizing pace, he begins to unwrap his present, watching with lustful eyes as more and more skin becomes exposed. you arch your back the slightest bit to get the job done faster, the shoe of impatience now snug on your foot instead of his.

normally, logan would scold, spit something about “being a good girl and waiting.” but he’s just as riled up and eager as you are, and he gives the velvet one final tug that has your breasts springing free.

god you were absolute perfection.

he can’t resist running a thumb over your erect nipples, reveling in the way you squirm over such a small touch. your color coated lips swollen and shiny from his kisses. body already relaxed and pliant, willing to do whatever he so pleases.

a few minutes ago, he would’ve torn your outfit off without second thought and shown no mercy. let the shitty week he was having take control, guide him through the motions of achieving pleasure. but something inside logan urges him to be a little sentimental; take his sweet time on the off chance that he wakes up and discovers this was all a dream.

so he decides that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

the path down to your core was a familiar one, a route he knew like the back of his hand. sloppy, wet kisses trail down your stomach, a small crack in logan’s otherwise composed exterior. by the time he reaches the hem of your panties, tongue teasing beneath the waistband, you’re bursting at the seams with desire, unable to stop yourself from whimpering and bucking your hips upward.

“i gotcha honey,” he whispers against the inside of your thigh, rubbing soft circles with his thumb. “m’gonna take real good care of ya.”

logan knew you were soaked the second you walked into the room. didn’t need to see or feel it to know. still, he indulges his ego and stares proudly at the dark patch in the center of your underwear. knowing it was all his doing, that he was the only one who could get you like this.

when he pulls the fabric to the side and is met with your glistening folds, he can’t help the groan that rumbles in his chest.

“merry fuckin’ christmas to me,” he all but growls before diving right in.

it’s in moments like these where he wishes that photographic memory was his mutation, though he doubts he’ll ever forget this. his perfect girl, laid out so delicately beneath him, basking in the pale moonlight that seeped in between the curtains. his own personal utopia, paradise within the four walls of this rickety building you called home.

logan wonders if maybe he’s finally succumbed to the poison in his bones. because this sure does feel like heaven.

at the very least, it most definitely feels like christmas.

because having the privilege of watching you come undone was the gift that kept on giving all year round.

thanks for reading! <3

taglist: @alastor-simp @j4desblurbs @pandapetals @hextech-bros

!! if you would like to be tagged in the rest of the ficmas blurbs, please send me an inbox message or leave a comment !!

[a-hermit-pining]

LaDS as Exes

AN: I don't need sleep, I need answers.

Pairing: LaDS boys x fem reader

Ingredients: 75 % angst, 10% sulking, 15% comedy (by 👃🏻🩲)

My Fav: Zayne and Xavier (seriously why do you guys force me to write so much angst, I love hate it? 🫂)

Xavier:

Somehow friend-zoned. Again. Just like every lifetime.

He’s around a lot. At work, at your apartment, hell, the man’s still your neighbor. And of course, there’s the past lore.

You were engaged once. It just didn’t work out. Right person, wrong time. The kind of joke your shared story arc thrives on.

But Xavier holds onto the hope anyway.

He knows he’s your soulmate. Has always known. And if that means standing by your side as a friend while you love other people, while you build a life without him, so be it.

He’ll wait. He always does.

Because maybe next lifetime… the timing will finally be right.

(hug him rn 🔪🔪)

Rafayel:

You both have a daughter.

But becoming queen, reviving his kingdom, giving him your heart, had been your breaking point.

You loved Rafayel. But loving a sea god was not your forte. It wasn’t the life you wanted, and that hurt Rafayel more than he lets on.

He couldn’t understand why you left something so perfect. A throne beside him, a daughter between you, a kingdom rebuilt through sacrifice, and you still walked away.

He keeps your daughter. Raises her with so much love it’s almost painful. But part of him knows he’s holding onto her in the hopes that you’ll come back.

For her sake. For his.

He’s heartbroken that you refuse to let go of your world, when he once shattered his kingdom to make you his.

He has waited to long but now...now he has an endearing daughter. His anchor.

Zayne:

He was never there. Not really.

You sort of drifted apart during the end credits. Zayne loved his work—too much. He worked to take away other people’s pain. But somehow, he always managed to hide his own. Even from you.

Your marriage withered slowly. The silence grew heavier each time you sat alone, waiting for him to come home. The distance hollowed you out, until you both existed in separate worlds under the same roof.

And when you left, he got worse.

He doesn’t go home anymore. He works until he collapses in a back alley or some dingy cafe. He ends up in the ER more than once. You’re called in, rushed in, drenched in wanderer blood, to sit beside him while the machines beep steadily.

He punishes himself for failing you. For failing at everything.

And sitting next to him, in the chaos of the hospital, you feel the weight of it all. The unfairness of it.

(You might just have to pull a Caleb and abduct him to a secret island)

Sylus:

Divorce? That didn’t happen.

Sylus is still your boyfriend. He’s delusional, but come on, you’re both fooling no one.

The epitome of on-and-off.

"I’m going to kill you," you groan, waking up next to him for the fourth time this year. It’s February.

"Good morning, kitten," he drawls, already pulling you into his arms. He ignores your glare and peppers your face with kisses until you give up struggling.

The baby monitor crackles. Your son’s cry pierces the air.

"Your turn."

Sylus grins. He gets out of bed, sliding into your robe (tearing the shoulder seam. Again). He always stretches it out, just like he always stretches his way back into your life.

This is your life. Messy and chaotic. But it’s yours.

And Sylus? Yeah, he’s not going anywhere.

Caleb:

lmao no.

Hell nah. Caleb would rather commit a felony than accept being your ex.

Either:

He’s in jail. (Domestic terrorism was involved.)

You’re in his basement. (Voluntarily or otherwise.)

He’s in a psych ward, hallucinating a life where you’re still together.

There’s no clean breakup with Caleb. He’s the man who does not share. If you leave him. He’ll find you. If you try to run. He’ll track you down. And if you betray him. God help you.

Because Caleb isn’t letting you go. Ever.

[geneviveleocardius]

‘till death do us part;

how resident evil men react when you’re beyond saving

leon s. kennedy

leon is emotionally driven, and his guilt would prevent him from letting you go, even if you were completely lost. he’s the type to keep you alive, convinced he could find a cure someday, no matter how hopeless it might seem.

veredict: leon keeps you, no matter the cost.

“i can’t lose you. i won’t. i’ll figure it out, just stay with me.”

chris redfield

chris is a hardened soldier who’s been through hell and understands the cost of letting emotions dictate his actions. if you were beyond saving, he’d take the burden of ending your suffering, even if it destroyed him emotionally.

veredict: chris kills you, out of love and duty.

“i’m sorry… i’ll never forget you.”

ethan winters

ethan is defined by his stubborn love and refusal to let go of the people he cares about. even if you were entirely lost, he’d keep you, believing you were still in there somewhere. he’d risk everything for the smallest chance of saving you.

verdict: ethan keeps you, no matter how dangerous or hopeless.

“we’ve been through too much for me to give up now.”

albert wesker

wesker’s love is calculating, but it’s still love in his own way. if you were infected, he’d see it as a failure on his part to protect you, though he’d never admit it outright. instead, he’d channel his guilt into trying to “save” you—not by curing you, but by enhancing you to survive the infection. even if you were completely lost, wesker would refuse to kill you, keeping you by his side and rationalizing your condition as an evolution rather than a tragedy.

verdict: wesker keeps you, convinced he can “perfect” you.

“you’re not lost—you’re becoming something greater. i’ll ensure you remain by my side, no matter the cost.”

carlos oliveira

carlos is compassionate but pragmatic enough to know when there’s no hope. if keeping you meant you’d suffer or become a danger, he’d take the painful step of ending your life himself. however, he’d struggle to forgive himself for it.

verdict: carlos kills you, but it destroys him.

“i’ll make it quick… i love you too much to let you go on like this.”

jake muller

jake’s cynicism and survival instincts would make him willing to let go if you became a threat. however, his emotional connection to you might push him to keep you, especially if you weren’t actively dangerous. he’d rationalize it as being able to protect and fix you, even if it was reckless.

verdict: jake keeps you, though he knows it’s risky.

“i’ve dealt with worse. you’re not going anywhere.”

luis serra

luis is a deeply empathetic and guilt-ridden man, shaped by his past mistakes. if you were infected, he’d blame himself and obsessively try to save you, using his scientific expertise to search for a cure. however, if it became clear that you were beyond saving, he’d struggle immensely with the idea of letting you go. his sentimental nature might push him to keep you around, clinging to the hope that he could eventually fix things, even if it was dangerous.

verdict: luis keeps you, driven by guilt and love.

“i’ve made too many mistakes in my life… i won’t let losing you be another one. i’ll find a way, cariño. i promise.”

[osarina]

ᡣ𐭩 TO THINK THAT WE COULD STAY THE SAME

FEATURING: osamu dazai

SUMMARY: after your night out goes terribly wrong in every possible way, you find yourself at a strange house. you don't know if this is real or some elaborate trick of an ability—worse, you don't know which will hurt you more in the long run. you don't know how you're supposed to survive this. if you can survive this.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: YAYAAYAYAAAAYYYYYY PART TWO GUYS I HOPE U ENJOY <3333. reblogs appreciated!

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia executive!reader, beast!dazai, tragedy, angst, canon compliant.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC WARNINGS: lots of whiplash and confusion & lots of frustration. unprotected sex. oral (m->f).

SEE: TWO SLOW DANCERS SERIES MASTERLIST

You expect to wake up in a damp basement tied to a chair, cramped and uncomfortable. You hardly remember what happened last night—you remember drinking in Chuuya’s penthouse, the two of you sprawled out on top of each other in his bed after cracking open his nicest wine, and you remember Albatross’s incessant texts beckoning you guys to the bar. You vaguely remember getting to the bar and an argument breaking out between you and Iceman, but you can’t really remember what was said—maybe that’s for the best. 

And you remember the man that attacked you outside of the bar—not his face, but the panic that spread through your chest, the sharp scent of the rag placed over your mouth, the way your vision went dark.

Shit, you think, slowly coming to. You instinctively lift your hand to your head and then frown when you realize you can lift your hand. You’re not tied up… more than that, you’re not in pain. If anything, you’re comfortable. Your lashes flutter open, squinting at the early morning sun that’s rising directly in your eyes—you’re not underground either, clearly. You seem to be lying on some sort of couch—what is going on?

You’re careful not to make any noise as you slowly regain your bearings. You’re in a small room—a living room or something—you see a fireplace directly across from where you’re lying, a coffee table in front of you, your head is resting on a pillow that someone must have laid beneath you, and there’s a soft blanket pulled over you. You exhale softly, riddled with confusion as you try to figure out what’s going on. You wonder maybe if Chuuya or one of the Flags had figured out what was going on and intercepted the kidnapping before they could get you somewhere, or maybe Itou and Klaus were able to track you down, but this place doesn’t look reminiscent to any of the safehouses you guys use.

You’re uncertain as you sit up, looking around hesitantly as you try to pinpoint where you might be. You see a window to your left and make note of it if you need to escape, but you’re more curious about the view outside of it. You’re on the coastline? Your lips part, looking around the small area for any hints to where you may be, but the place is extraordinarily plain. There are no trinkets on the coffee table, no pictures on the walls—it looks like a freshly bought house, but you can see dust on the far cabinet, signaling that nobody has been here for a long time. If it were freshly bought, the real estate agents would’ve been sure to make sure it was spotless.

You turn your head to the left and find your breath catching at the sight of someone sitting at the kitchen table. Someone almost familiar, but your brain refuses to accept who it is that’s sitting there with your back to you. He’s hunched over the table, furiously writing away at something—it’s Dazai. Though you could only see the back of his head, you could recognize him anywhere. The dark hair, the bandages peeking out from under it, but he’s not wearing his black jacket. He’s dressed in a cozy gray sweatshirt and sweatpants—the sight is so disconcerting, so strange, that you almost think you might be hallucinating, you might be being affected by some sort of ability.

“Dazai?” you whisper softly, voice raspy. 

His head snaps to the side at the sound of your voice, and his dark eye is unusually warm as it focuses on you. He folds the paper he was writing on and puts it in his pocket, rising to his feet. His lips curl up into a soft smile, and you struggle to breathe. You’re confused, too hopeful for your liking, and still mostly convinced that this is some figment of your imagination.

“You’re awake,” he says quietly. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you reply, unsure. “What… is this? What is going on? The man who kidnapped me… You intercepted?”

Dazai’s cheeks suddenly go pink, gaze falling to the ground, and you’re baffled by it. You haven’t seen him so red in the face since you were eighteen and teasing him while the two of you were curled up in bed. You feel sick—if this is a joke, a trick, an ability, then there’s none as cruel as this, showing you the boy you loved, everything you’ve ever wanted. The number of times you’ve imagined escaping the Port Mafia with him, living a quiet life in the countryside; how many times have you wondered what life would’ve been like if you’d gotten to Mori’s office in time, if he never took over as boss, if he never became what he has. 

It’s too cruel—crueler than any words Dazai has ever spoken to you, crueler than what your life has become over the past four years.

“Uh, no,” Dazai says awkwardly. “That was me.”

“What?”

“I sent him.”

“What?”

“Are you feeling okay?” he suddenly asks, clearly trying to evade the subject. 

Your expression twists in frustration but instantly smooths when he takes a few steps closer to you. He presses the back of his hand against your forehead before letting his hand drop to your cheek. He caresses your cheek gently, thumb running along your cheekbone. 

You stare up at him, lips parted in shock. You’re not imagining the love in his gaze, not this time—it’s so plain that it has your chest painfully tight, it has your breath shaky, it has your eyes welling with tears that you’re not sure you’ll be able to hold back. You can’t help the way you lean into his touch, and that only makes his expression soften impossibly more. You don’t understand what’s going on, you don’t understand what’s caused this change, you don’t understand any of this.

You don’t realize that the tears have spilled over until you feel him wiping them away.

“I don’t understand,” you say, voice cracking as you take in a wet breath. “I don’t—is this real? I don't understand—”

“It’s real,” he tells you quietly, fingers gliding gently over your cheeks to wipe your tears before he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “It’s real.”

You know that’s something your mind would say to soothe your doubts, but his touch is so real. His fingers are warm, they’re callused from his gun, they’re so achingly familiar that you can hardly breathe—you want to believe that this is real, you so badly want to believe that this is real, but how could it be?

“I don’t understand, Dazai,” you whisper, shaking your head and pulling your face away from him. He doesn’t let you, his hand sliding to the back of your head to hold you in place. You can’t think straight with his hands on you, you’ve never been able to, but especially not like this, not when they’re so gentle, not when they’re everything you’ve ever wanted. Your voice comes out too much like a plea when you say his name, “Dazai, stop please—I don’t—what is this? Why are you…?”

Why are you dressed like this?

Why are you acting like this?

Why are you treating me like this?

What is going on?

You don’t even know what you want to ask, and you don’t know if you want to know the answer. A part of you just wants to bask in this—whether it’s a trick of your mind or an ability, you should take it as a blessing. You should bask in the time you have with your Dazai before you’re tossed back into your cruel reality, but the bigger part of you needs to know. If this is a trick or an ability, you don’t think you’ll survive being taunted with this only to have it ripped away.

Dazai’s expression twists, uncertainty in his eye as he looks down at you, like he doesn’t know what to say or how to explain it. His lips part to speak, but no words leave them. He lets out a shaky breath and then lets his gaze drop to your body. You realize you’re still wearing the dress from yesterday, albeit dirty and wrinkled now; his hand drops your face and you feel too cold without his touch, but you can at least think a bit more clearly now.

“What is going on?” you ask, voice steadier. “Where am I? Why are you here? Where are your guards? Is this place secure?”

Dazai looks at the ground, a resigned expression on his face. He doesn’t answer any of your questions, which has frustration bubbling in your chest along with a little mania, you have no idea what’s going on, you have no idea where you and Dazai are, you have no idea if this place is safe, you don’t see any of his guards standing watch, you don’t have your phone with you to call Chuuya or the Flags, you–

“You should get changed,” Dazai says quietly, much to your exasperation.

Your expression twists. “Dazai—”

“If it’s alright,” Dazai interrupts, voice unsteady, gaze still trained on the floor, “while we’re here, can you call me Osamu?”

Your mouth dries at the request, studying Dazai’s face as best as you can, but you come up infuriatingly blank as you try to figure out what might be going through his head right now. He almost looks like a kid again, back when you first met, sixteen and fumbling, unsure how to act around you but wanting desperately to be in your presence. He would force himself into your space and try to initiate conversation but would visibly get anxious as soon as he did, second-guessing his every word.

“Osamu,” you correct, and you don’t like how unfamiliar his given name is now on your tongue. It used to roll off easily, like it belonged there. Dazai’s shoulders slump in relief, gaze flickering up to meet yours. His eye looks like a pool of honey under the early morning sun, nothing like the black pit you’re used to. “Will you tell me what’s going on? At least if we’re safe here.”

“We’re safe here,” he confirms, swallowing thickly, and then repeats, “You should… get changed.”

You sigh as you look over to the bedroom he keeps glancing over at and then say, “Fine, but then you’re explaining.”

“Okay,” he agrees, voice unnervingly wobbly, but you only give him one last long, semi-suspicious look before making your way over to the bedroom. 

You don’t realize how much his presence has fogged your mind until you’re in the bedroom with the door shut behind you. You can suddenly breathe, you can suddenly see—you press your hands to your face as you sit on the edge of the bed and try to get ahold of yourself. You’re still not entirely sure that this is real; it could easily be a figment of your imagination, it could be a dream, it could be an ability. 

You exhale shakily—first and foremost, you need to figure out if this is real.

Your gaze lifts to the window in the bedroom. If this is an ability and you’re being taunted with your deepest desires, then you likely won’t be able to feel the fresh air. You’d be held in an enclosed area that’s masquerading as this beach house, there would be no wind or breeze when you try to step outside because you’re not actually outside. Holding your breath, you take a step forward—the window gets stuck a little as you try to push it up, but once you get it up, you’re immediately met with a fresh breeze from the bay. You can smell the faint scent of saltwater in the air, you can feel the warmth of the rising sun—it’s too real to be an ability.

Shit, you think, even more confused. Your gaze snaps up to the clock on the wall, watching the second-hand tick—you can read it just fine. Not a dream. What is going on?

You shake your head as you make your way over to the closet, sliding open the door to figure out what exactly Dazai wants you to change into. You pause when you see two outfits hanging up—one is casual loungewear, a matching set to what he’s wearing, and the other is one of your suits.

It’s a choice, you realize, throat tight as you take in a shuddered breath. He’s letting you choose whether you’re going to stay with him or if you’re going to go to the meeting with the Red Chamber.

Fuck, you think, rubbing your face hard, staring hard at the two outfits. You still don’t understand what’s going on, and you want to stay with Dazai. You really do, more than anything. You want answers, and you want to indulge, but you’re scared. You know that if you stay with him, indulge in whatever this is… you know it won’t last, and when you inevitably have to go back to reality, it’ll just make things hurt so much worse.

Your fingers graze the familiar fabric of your suit jacket, and for a second, you imagine going out there in it. You imagine the way Dazai’s expression will fall when he realizes you didn’t choose him. You imagine the way his throat will spasm as he nods in resignation and calls for a car so the two of you can leave. You imagine the hurt in his eyes, and it’s almost enough for you to choose to leave. The vindictiveness is tempting, the prospect of hurting him even a fraction as much as he’s hurt you the past four years is too enticing, but more than revenge, you want answers. You want to know what spurred this because you have a bad feeling in your gut about it. 

After a moment’s hesitation, you yank the loungewear off the hanger, slipping out of the dress you’ve been wearing for far too long to slide the thin sweatshirt over your head and pull on the shorts. They’re comfortable, the cotton is soft against your skin, and for some reason, it causes a heavy feeling to settle on your chest. You shake your head and leave the room before you can second-guess yourself.

Dazai is sitting on the couch, shoulders hunched over, back to you, head tilted toward the ground. He doesn’t hear you when you exit the bedroom; he doesn’t even look up until you clear your throat. When you do, his head snaps around instantly. There’s an uncertain expression on his face that quickly fades into relief when he realizes what you’re wearing.

“No,” you say immediately, glad that your voice comes out harsh instead of wavering. “You don’t get to look relieved. I want answers. What is this?” 

Dazai rises to his feet. His lips part, like he wants to say something but isn’t sure what. His brows furrow, and he looks down at the ground as he says, “I don’t know how to explain it.”

Frustrated, you snap, “Well, figure it out, Dazai.” Dazai has the audacity to withdraw, and you let out an exasperated sigh before correcting quietly, “Osamu.”

“I can’t—”

“You have to,” you say, raising your voice and taking a step forward. Dazai takes a step backward, expression falling. “I’ve dreamt of this, Osamu. Of waking up one day and things were suddenly the same again, like they were. I thought I would be happy, but I am so fucking angry. You don’t get to do this after everything you’ve put me through, not without an explanation.”

“I can’t,” he repeats, voice pitched, rising in distress. “I can’t. I can’t. I don’t—this was a mistake, I can’t—”

Dazai suddenly looks like he’s about to cry, and you hate how all of the anger immediately drains from you. He looks so much younger dressed like this in a sweatshirt too big for his thin shoulders, without his jacket acting like a shield from the rest of the world, without Mori’s scarf hanging around his shoulders, a reminder of all that he’s done. He looks like he’s sixteen again, startled awake from a nightmare, too lost and too alone, and just like back then, your instinct is to try to calm him down. 

“I don’t understand,” you say helplessly.

“You can’t understand,” he replies shrilly. “I shouldn't be here, you shouldn’t be here. I don’t know what I was thinking, I—”

He cuts himself off suddenly, and you watch as his expression hardens in an instant. His voice goes cold, and he says, “Forget it. We should go. I’m going to—”

“No,” you say harshly, reaching out to grab his wrist to stop him from walking past you. You shove your forearm against his chest to push back against the wall. He doesn’t fight back. When his back hits the wall, he only stares down at you, his visible eye wide and swirling with too many emotions. “You’re going to explain what’s happening. Please, Osamu.”

“I can’t,” he whispers. “We shouldn’t be here, I never meant—I just wanted—”

You sigh as you step away from him, looking away. You’re getting nowhere—you need to take a different route, you’re not going to get any answers from him this way. After a few moments, you ask, “What happened with the meeting with the Red Chamber? Who is going? What happened to the plan to assassinate Baoyu Jia?”

This is obviously the wrong question because Dazai looks embarrassed again as he looks away. “Lippmann is handling the meeting,” he says after a moment. 

“Lippmann doesn’t do assassinations,” you reply.

His gaze lowers. “He’s not killing him.”

You let your eyes slide shut, trying to calm yourself down. “You never planned to have me kill him,” you realize.

“No.”

“You lied to me.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Dazai doesn’t meet your gaze as he stares to the side. “I planned to have you kidnapped on the way to the meeting. I figured it would be easier if you were thrown off and focused on an unusual mission. I only ended up doing it last night because…”

Because of how things went down yesterday, you finish for him silently. 

You rub your face as you step away. “Why did you kidnap me?” you ask flatly.

Dazai looks as if he doesn’t want to answer. His throat spasms and he almost looks like he wants to run away, but he knows you’ll be quick to stop him. As he realizes that fleeing is not an option, he starts to get visibly upset again.

“I just wanted one day—” he begins, his voice pitched again. Wobbly. He rubs at his face harshly, first his cheeks and then over his eyes. He lets out a shaky breath, and his body tenses like he’s going to bolt. You brace yourself to stop him, but his shoulders slump suddenly, and his head hangs forward. He says softly, “I’m so tired. I just wanted one day where things could be normal again.”

You swallow as you stare at Dazai. He looks… incredibly fragile right now, more so than you’ve ever seen him before. Even those nights when you woke to him screaming and sobbing, the night you raced to the rooftop to stop him from jumping—none of it compares to right now. His eye looks like glass, ready to shatter at a moment’s notice, and his lips are trembling; it’s only a thread that’s holding him together right now, and you could so easily pull it apart. 

All it would take is a single word.

It’s on the tip of your tongue, a bullet loaded in the chamber and ready to let fly. You could do it, and a part of you wants to. You want to hurt him—the vindictiveness you felt in the bedroom returns with a vengeance. You want to rip that thread away and watch him fall apart, you want him to shatter, you want him to hurt. 

“I—” You start to say, but the words die on your tongue when his gaze lifts to meet yours. The expression on his face is resigned, defeated, like he already knows what you’re going to say, like he knows that one day of normalcy could never be an option. And you can’t bring yourself to do it, can’t bring yourself to hurt him the same way he’s hurt you so much over the last four years. “You didn’t have to kidnap me, Osamu. You could’ve just asked me to come. I would have.”

You’re weak, you think bitterly. Dazai deserves your anger. He deserves your cruelty. He deserves your hatred. He’s treated you horribly over the last four years, and the moment he puts on a sad face, you fold for him. You should walk away, leave him here to break down on his own. You don’t give a fuck if he’s tired, you’re tired. You’re tired of the four years of hell your life has been, you’re tired of clinging to the past, you’re tired of Dazai. 

Your life would be so much easier if you could just hate him and move on, but you’ll never move on from Dazai Osamu. Your souls have been inexplicably entwined since the day the two of you met six years ago, so entangled that you no longer know where yours ends and his begins; there’s no world for you without him, and if that means letting him drag you through hell, if it means letting him ruin you, ruin everything you had with him, then you would let him. 

“Would you have really come?” he asks solemnly, like maybe he knows what you’re thinking.

You look away and answer, maybe a bit too bitterly, “I always come, don’t I?” 

“It doesn’t matter. It had to be this way,” Dazai responds after a moment.

“It had to be a kidnapping?” you ask dryly.

“Yes.”

“Why?” 

“... You wouldn’t understand.”

You let out yet another exasperated sigh, head falling back as you will yourself the patience because, of course, it’s back to this.

“Then help me understand,” you say tightly. “Osamu, would you please stop being difficult?”

“I can’t,” he repeats, much to your frustration. “I just—I can’t.”

You don’t respond this time, shaking your head and looking away. You don’t know if you’ll be able to indulge him the way he wants without an explanation. You want to know what’s going on—you need to know what’s going on. You have to understand what triggered this, you have to understand what has him so wound up. Just as you’re about to ask, he asks softly:

“Can we go to the cliffside?” 

You let out a heavy sigh. “Is this place even secure? I know you want one day to be normal, but you’re still you. You have billions of yen on your head, we can’t—”

“It’s secure,” he interrupts, looking uncomfortable by the reminder. Your gaze softens. You thought maybe you would be relieved with solid proof that the boy who loved you was still here, but it only makes you feel strange now. Bitter, maybe, hurt—if he’s still here, why has he hurt you so much in the past four years? A part of you wonders if maybe it would’ve been better if Chuuya was right; if Dazai was better off dead. “Please, let’s go out there.”

“Okay,” you agree, shoving your hands in your pockets and making your way over to the slippers Dazai left out for you before walking over to the back door. 

He trails after you slowly, remaining a pace behind you as you walk up the dirt path leading to the clifftop. The early morning sea breeze is cool against your skin, and the rising sun casts a pretty glow over the bay. Your hands are stuffed in your pockets as you drag your feet against the dirt—you don’t dare look back at Dazai.

You try to piece together all that you know. Something has Dazai highly distressed and emotionally unstable, you aren’t sure what. This place, for some reason, is special to him—he can’t seem to handle any form of coldness or cruelty from you while here. He can’t explain to you what’s going on, and he can’t explain why he can’t explain to you. This was evidently a whole plot he’d been planning for a while now, what with using the meeting with the Red Chamber and already having the house and property around it secured. It’s all too confusing, and you have a feeling you’re going to come out of this more hurt than you were to begin with.

You come to a stop at the cliff’s edge, but you don’t sit down. Dazai comes to stand next to you, shoulder brushing yours as the two of you look over the bay. 

“It’s my birthday today.”

Your head snaps to the side as you look up at him, eyes wide, “What?” 

“You know, in another universe, you found the files when you and Chuuya went looking for them,” Dazai says with a wry smile. 

Your lips part when he looks down at you—he looks stunning under the early morning sun, he looks alive, and you don’t think you’ve seen him look so at ease in four years. There are still bags visible under his eye, but his expression is smooth otherwise, his lips are curled up softly, and his dark eye looks golden under the rays of the sun. 

“You knew about that?” you ask quietly, voice coming out a bit more breathless than you mean for it to.

“… I know a lot of things,” he answers cryptically. “I made sure you couldn’t get your hands on them this time, though.”

In another universe, this time—his words finally start to register, and you frown, trying to piece together what he means. 

“Why?” you ask carefully.

There’s a faraway look in his eyes as he gazes out to the bay, like he’s looking at something that’s not really there. “I fell in love with you many times, but that night was always the night I fell the hardest. I was scared.” 

You let out a shaky breath as you stare up at him. You don’t know what he’s talking about, you don’t know what he means, but he’s saying what you’ve only dreamed of hearing from him, and it leaves you at a loss. You can only see the side of his face, but the corner of his lip is twitching down again, his brown eye soft beneath the sunlight. 

“Scared?”

“Scared,” he confirms quietly. “I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to follow through with what needed to be done… I… I wasn’t supposed to get close to you at all. I knew it would make things more difficult.”

What needed to be done—did he mean killing Mori? Did he have that planned for that long? How hadn’t you known?

You don’t know what to say—not because you’re at a loss for words now, but because you’re scared that if you ask the wrong thing, he’ll clam up again. You don’t know what he means, talking about another universe and ‘this time’ and how he wasn’t supposed ‘to get close to you’—he’s talking like he knows everything that was supposed to happen, everything that has happened in another life. It’s too strange, you don’t know if Dazai has genuinely gone off the deep end or if he’s been hiding something from you since the moment you met him. Both explanations are disconcerting.

“Then why?” you finally settle on. “Why did you get close to me? Why did you—”

Why did you fall in love with me?

Why did you make me fall in love with you?

If you knew how things were going to turn out, why would you put me through this?

Dazai looks down now, gaze trained on the rocks below as the water crashes against them. He looks sad. Your hand twitches to reach out for his, but you refrain, if only barely. 

“What if I told you it was to use you?” he asks quietly. “To make you love me so that you could make the power transition easier because I knew people wouldn’t question me if I had Mori’s daughter’s support.”

“I would call you a liar,” you reply. “Tell me why.”

“Because I love you,” he whispers, lips trembling, throat spasming. “I love you so much that I can barely breathe when you’re in the room. That I can’t think straight when you’re around, even when you’re not around. I become stupid, reckless—I don’t think at all. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and I tried so hard to stay away to protect you. I told myself it over and over again leading up to the day we met, but then I saw you, and I just—I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t do it.”

Dazai’s eye is glassy as he stares down at the water, and his fingers tremble in front of his body. He twists them awkwardly like he doesn’t know what to do with himself—the same way he did when he fumbled over words when you guys were seventeen and he was trying to ask you out on a date. 

This time, you do reach out. You brush your fingers against his, at first hesitantly, and then when he doesn’t immediately pull away, you slide your hands into his, entwining your fingers together. His grip on your hand is tight, like he’s afraid to let go in fear that you might disappear. Like he’s afraid this moment might slip through his fingers. 

“I don’t understand, Osamu,” you say quietly, grip tightening on his hand in case he decides to bolt once he hears your question. “Then why did you push me away so much? Why were you so…”

Cruel.

He grimaces like you spoke the word, incapable of looking you in the eye. He indeed tenses like he’s going to run, but then his shoulders slump. “Because I—I wasn’t supposed to—you’re not supposed to—you don’t understand, I can’t—”

“Help me understand,” you insist, frustration starting to pull at you again. “Osamu, please, I—”

“You were never supposed to be the price of this world,” Dazai finally blurts out, voice shrill again. He tries to pull away, but you don’t let him; he takes in a ragged breath, and your lips part in shock when you realize that the tears that had been welling in his visible eye have started to spill over. Again, he tries to yank his hand away and nearly sends himself careening off the side of the cliff, it’s only your quick reaction to tug him hard toward you that prevents him from tumbling back. The two of you crash backward onto the ground. “I’ve ruined everything, I’ve ruined you, I ruin everything I touch. Everything was supposed to work out perfectly for everyone, but I ruined it. I was supposed to stay away from you; I was supposed to let you live without me, but I couldn’t stay away. I was selfish, I’ve always been selfish, and it’s always at your expense. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I—”

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, and Dazai buries his face into the crook of your neck. He’s shaking terribly, and he feels so small wrapped up in your arms like this. He’s too thin, his shoulders feel frail—Dazai has never been good at taking care of himself, but you can’t help but wonder when the last time he’s eaten, if he’s eaten, with no one looking after him anymore. Your hand slides up to cradle the back of his head, and Dazai sobs, his whole body shudders, you can feel him clinging to the back of your sweatshirt desperately.

And you don’t know what to say to calm him down. You don’t know what he’s talking about, you can’t understand any of this. You don’t know if he’s gone crazy, and you don’t know what to do if he has because people are already starting to question his decisions. There are rumors spreading that something’s not right with Dazai—ever since all of this unnecessary tension with the Armed Detective Agency began a few weeks ago, there have been whispers, even among your closest confidants, that maybe Dazai’s reign as boss has come to an end, that maybe it’s time for a new regime to take his place. 

The Flags are eager, Itou and Klaus are ready for it, and Chuuya is resigned. He’s waiting for you to give up on Dazai so he can finally put his old partner out of his misery—or that’s what he’s telling himself, anyway.

But a small part of you wonders if there’s any truth to what he’s saying. 

Dazai has always been smart, but there were times when you questioned whether his intelligence was the product of his own natural instincts and skill or if maybe there was something else going on because sometimes he predicted things that he shouldn’t have possibly been able to predict. 

He knew about an assassination attempt on your life before anyone in the Port Mafia caught wind of it—not any of Verlaine’s girls, none of your contacts, none of Mori or Kouyou’s contacts, but somehow he knew. He knew that there was a trap laid out in Kyoto for you and Itou, and that’s why he was so insistent on being the one to go in your stead. Not only that, but he knew things about you before you ever told him—your interests, your fears, your desires. Sometimes, he would let you tell him them, but you could tell that you were only confirming what he already knew.

It never made any sense to you, but if he somehow knew what happened in other worlds and used that knowledge here… that would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?

But how? 

How would he have had that knowledge?

And why didn’t he tell you? Chuuya? Anyone?

He’s still talking, but you can’t make out any of the words he’s saying anymore. His voice is muffled against your skin, and he’s heaving over sobs. You wonder when the last time Dazai let himself cry like this—if he ever has.

“This was a mistake.” You finally make out the ragged words as he presses his face harder into your neck, like he’s trying to crawl inside your skin. “You shouldn’t be here. You’re not supposed to be here. I’m going to ruin everything, I don’t know what I was thinking, I—”

“It’s already ruined,” you say suddenly, feeling Dazai still in your arms as soon as your words register. “It’s ruined, I’m here. There’s no taking that back. So, why don’t we just enjoy your birthday, and we can figure everything else out tomorrow, okay?”

Dazai pulls back so he can look at you. His eye is still wet, and his cheek is smeared with tears, but they’re no longer steadily rolling over it. You lift your hand to caress his cheek, using your thumb to wipe his cheek gently. His lashes flutter shut as he instinctively leans into your touch, turning his face a little to the side so he can kiss your palm. When his eye reopens, the adoration swimming within it takes your breath away.

He hasn’t looked at you like this in years, and it makes your chest feel like it’s going to cave in—you’re not doing this to indulge, you tell yourself. Sure, you’re not going to complain about it; you’ve dreamt about this before, but it’s more important that you figure out what exactly is going on with him. You still don’t know what he means and haven’t managed to get a single answer out of Dazai. If anything, you have more questions. Your head has gone dizzy with all the possible explanations swimming around in your mind. The first thing you need to do is get Dazai to calm down, you’re not going to get anything out of him in this state, and then, you can try to figure out the best plan of attack for getting some answers.

“It’ll make everything worse,” he replies softly. “This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have—it’s just going to make everything worse, and—”

“Can it really get worse, Osamu?” you ask with a wry smile.

Dazai’s gaze lowers to the ground, the expression on his face is resigned, so you know that you’ve won, but his words still unsettle you deeply:

“Yeah,” he says. “It can.”

———

You thought maybe that once Dazai calmed down, you’d be able to get answers from him. That was a mistake, of course, because once Dazai calmed down, he became even more careful with his words. A part of you knows that you should’ve expected this—it’s Dazai, for fuck’s sake—but you can’t blame yourself for not thinking straight, all thing’s considered. Every time you tried to broach the topic, he expertly evaded with a soft smile and a change of subject; you were starting to get frustrated, but you were doing your best at not letting it show on your face.

The two of you are sitting on the beach now, shoulders brushing as you look out at the bay. The sand is soft between your fingers, the bay water cool against your toes as you bask in each other’s presence—you almost feel at peace. You want to feel at peace, but you can’t with the nagging fear that something is seriously wrong. You can’t with Dazai sitting next to you and not explaining why he treated you so cruelly for four years. Having to stay away isn’t an explanation, not enough for you to be at ease.

You need to understand. You need the truth.

Instead of going about it in a convoluted, sneaky manner, you decide to be upfront this time and quietly say, “I need to know why, Osamu.”

Dazai doesn’t respond to you, and when you glance at him, you find him looking down at his lap, a resigned expression on his face. His jaw tenses like he’s going to reply, but then his lashes flutter as he turns his face away—you’re so close, you can tell he’s on the brink of giving in. He wants to tell you, but something is stopping him, and you just have to get him to that point where the desire to explain overwhelms all of his common sense. 

You can do that.

“You hurt me,” you tell him. Your voice cracks, you don’t need to fake the pain that he’s made you feel over the last four years. You can only see the corners of his eye and his lips, but you can see the way they tighten at your words. “Do you even know how bad you hurt me, Osamu?”

“I do,” he whispers, his voice just as weak as yours is. “I—”

“You don’t,” you interrupt. “You don’t know because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to sit here with me and not give me an explanation.” 

Dazai doesn’t respond now, so you take the opportunity to continue.

“At first, I convinced myself it was because you loved me,” you say quietly, staring down at your lap. “You didn’t want people to think I conspired against Mori in case the coup went poorly. You didn’t want to put me in the middle and force me to choose. You were cruel because you were putting on a show for the rest of the Port Mafia because you loved me and didn’t want your actions to come crashing down on me if things took a turn for the worse.”

You still don’t look at Dazai; you can't bear to; you don’t want to know what he’s thinking. It’s taking all of your energy to keep yourself together as you speak all of this out loud for the first time. You think you’ll break if you look at him.

“We didn’t see each other for days because you were busy consolidating power, and I was busy in Tokyo with our allies. I made so many excuses for what you’d done during that time separated that I drowned myself in them; I couldn’t speak to Chuuya or Itou or the Flags without getting into an argument with them because I defended you after you murdered the closest thing I had to a father and taunted me about it.” 

The first time you and Chuuya got into a screaming match over Dazai was in the immediate aftermath of the coup. Chuuya had been just as blindsided as you, and he had been with you when you got up to Mori’s office and saw Dazai sitting at his desk. He heard what he said to you, how he treated you, and would’ve killed him on the spot if you hadn't been there to see it happen if he did. 

You were both drunk a few days after everything happened. It was a long day of talks with Mishima Yukio, and you guys were trying to relax, but the topic of Dazai came up, and everything went to shit. You couldn’t handle what Chuuya was implying when he was venting about Dazai going behind your backs for the coup, and you started voicing all of the excuses you’d been gathering in the back of your head, and things escalated until they blew up, as it always did whenever Dazai was brought up the past four years. 

“I defended you so much that I really believed it, Osamu,” you tell him, voice cracking again. You take in a wet breath, desperately trying to calm yourself down. You rub your face harshly, but it only bothers you more because the sand grates your skin. “When I came back to Yokohama after things settled with Mishima, I thought maybe I would get an explanation now that things had calmed down. After everything you did, I thought maybe there was still a chance that things could go back to normal. I thought there could still be a normal.”

You were ashamed of it. You can’t stop the sob that tumbles from your lips now, so you press your hand to your mouth to try to muffle it. Chuuya had never looked down on you the way he did when he realized what you were hoping for; it was the only time he didn’t get angry when Dazai was brought up after the coup. He walked away from you, and that was somehow worse.

Itou and the Flags—they never voiced their disapproval, but you knew they lost respect for you when they realized you were still clinging to Dazai after what he’d done. And it hurt, but it didn’t hurt quite as much as the thought of losing Dazai entirely, so you pushed through it and clung to your hope even if it was killing you.

“And then you called me to your office for the first time.”

You hear Dazai take in a sharp, shaky breath; he lets out a noise as he exhales—a whimper or the beginnings of a sob, you can’t tell. You think he wants to tell you to stop, but he knows he doesn’t have the right to.

“I think I understand now—you were angry at yourself, weren’t you? You were trying to push me away, but you couldn’t, so you were hoping that I wouldn’t come when you called, and when I did, you were angry. At yourself, at me, at the situation,” you continue, finally turning your head to the side so you can look at him. He’s buried his face in his hands like a coward, so you shake your head and look ahead again. “But I didn’t understand back then, Osamu.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out so quietly that you barely hear him. 

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” you whisper, helplessly looking up at the sky. “I really don’t, but it wasn’t that. Of everyone, I really thought you would be the last to use me like that, but even then, I thought that if this was the only way I could have you now, then I would be okay with it. I would let you ruin me. Ruin us.”

You don’t even know where you’re going with this anymore. You forgot how this started, forgot what you were getting at, but you think there’s something relieving getting all of this off your chest to the person who caused all of your distress.

“And then you fucking sent me away,” you spit, angry suddenly as you turn to look at him again. “You sent me away, Osamu. Not even twenty-four hours after you fucked me over Mori’s desk after you killed him. You had the audacity to send me abroad for a year.”

“I had to—”

“No, you didn’t,” you reply, raising your voice. “What did you think would change? Did you think that after a year away, when I came back, I wouldn’t come when you called for me? I always come when you call. Always. It was just more fucking humiliating crawling back to you like a dog after you sent me away.”

“It wasn’t like that—” Dazai tries to protest, voice cracking. “It wasn’t—”

“How am I supposed to know what it was like? You never explain anything, all I knew was that you sent me away with no explanation after you fucked me in the most degrading way possible, and the moment I came back to Yokohama, you had me bent over that desk again,” you snap. “Do you even know what people say about me? Do you even care?”

“How could you even ask that?” Dazai demands, voice ragged as he finally turns to face you. His dark eye is glassy with tears that roll over his cheek steadily—you can’t even find pleasure in it. “How could you—”

“How could I?” you repeat loudly, so frustrated that you almost want to grab him and shake him, hit him, anything. “How could I, Osamu? Because you treated me exactly the way they said. Like a fucking whore.”

“Please—”

“The shit you said to me, the way you mocked me because you were too fucking weak to let me go, so you wanted to force me into being the one to cut you off,” you interrupt him, pulling your knees to your chest as you take in another sharp breath. “You knew I would never, you had to have known.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs again, ashamed, regretful, but is it enough?

“If you’re sorry, then explain,” you insist, looking up at him again, but he’s turned his head away. “Look me in the eye and tell me after all of that you still can’t explain, Osamu.”

After what feels like an eternity, he drags his gaze to yours, and with tears rolling over his cheek, regret and sorrow swimming in his dark eye, he shakes his head and whispers, “I can’t.”

Your hand flies to your mouth to muffle the sob you don’t want to let out; you feel sick to your stomach, nauseous, but there’s nothing in you to throw up. Your hands are shaking—you think your whole body may be shaking—you feel defeated, resigned to the fact that you’ll never get a clear answer from Dazai as to why he did this to you.

“At least tell me if it’s worth it.” You hate that you’re begging him even now, but you need to know. “Even if it’s a lie, just tell me it’s worth it. Whatever you’re trying to do that cost us everything we had, tell me it’s worth it.”

You don’t look at him when he says shakily, “It is,” you don’t want to know if he's lying.

After a few moments of silence, he speaks again, voice just as resigned as you feel. “If you only stayed to get answers, you can still leave.”

Please, leave—you can see the desperation plain on his face when you look at him. 

Leave this time, he pleads, don’t stay. Let me go.

But what’s the point of leaving now? The damage has been done—there’s no coming back from this, there’s no shielding yourself from getting hurt any more than you already have. No matter what happens after this conversation, when things inevitably go back to how they were before he brought you here, it will destroy you. He will destroy you.

So, instead of leaving, you ask quietly, “Will you kiss me?”

Dazai doesn’t waste a second. 

For the first time in four years, his lips touch yours—you can taste the saltiness of his tears, the familiar mixture of tobacco and whiskey, the hint of iron. They quiver against yours terribly, his fingers tremble in his lap until he lifts them to cradle your face gently. Dazai kisses you like he’s afraid that you’ll disappear, like he’s trying to memorize the taste of you before it’s too late. It’s desperate, reverent. An apology. 

His breath catches as he pulls you closer, and you decide that just for today, you’ll let yourself pretend that this is enough. That his hands caressing your body and the way he kisses you like you’re the only thing in the world that matters is enough to rewrite four years of heartache, enough to undo all of the pain he’s caused that led you here. 

Just for today, it will be enough.

———

Dazai is in the shower. 

He’s been oddly antsy since dusk has fallen, and you’re not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s realizing the day is ending and that when the sun rises tomorrow, things are going to have to go back to how they were. It certainly has you antsy—each passing second is a reminder that your time with him is limited, that this was never meant to last.

He’s also been oddly… distant. Maybe not emotionally, but physically—a total 180 from the past four years when you could only be close to him physically. Besides the kisses on the beach, Dazai has hardly touched you. When you made lunch, he hovered just close enough that you could almost imagine that his skin was brushing yours; when the two of you were lounging on the couch after a few hours in the sun, he subtly shifted away whenever your thighs touched. 

It’s strange, you think that maybe it has to do with your words from earlier: every time he touches you, he cringes away in a reminder of how he treated you the past four years. When his fingers brush your wrist, he’s reminded of the way your arms must’ve ached when he pinned your wrists to the small of your back after bending you over his desk; when his thigh touched yours, he glances down and sees fading purplish hue on your thighs from where the edge of his desk had dug a bit too deep into your skin with each thrust.

You want to remind him that you knew what you were getting into when you chose to go up to his office, you knew his touches weren’t going to be gentle, and you knew his words wouldn’t be kind. You went because you wanted him in any way you could have him, but you don’t think that will make him feel any better. You don’t know if you want him to feel better. A part of you is relishing in the agony he feels over how he’s treated you the past few years.

You’re snooping now. This is a different bedroom from the one you changed in; it’s not quite as empty as the rest of the house. There are little trinkets scattered on top of the dressers, and the dressers are actually full. Most of the clothes in them seem to just be more casual loungewear for Dazai. You thought that this place was unused at first glance, but now you can’t help but wonder how often he comes here. He used to disappear for days at a time before he took over as boss, and no matter how much you and Chuuya looked for him in his usual spots, you couldn’t find him.

Was he coming here?

You slide open another drawer and pause when you see clothes that are decidedly not loungewear and decidedly not Dazai’s. You tilt your head to the side as you skim your fingers against the silk lingerie—they’re soft under your touch, the tags still clipped on, your size. Your throat swells with something indecipherable. Fondness, maybe? Sadness? Both? Neither? You’re not sure. 

How long has he been planning to bring you here?

When you hear the bathroom door creak open, you ask lightly, “How many women have you brought here, hm? Am I one of many?”

You hear Dazai let out a huff of laughter, and you turn to face him, lips parting instinctively at the sight of him. He’s mostly rewound his bandages around his body—legs, arms, and torso all covered by the gauze—and his towel hangs low on his hips, but he hasn’t rewrapped his bandages around the left side of his face yet.

For the first time since you’ve known him when your gaze tracks up to his face, your eyes meet both of his. His gaze is soft as he looks over you, a longing expression on his face. Dazai is usually quick to school his expression around you, but he’s been disconcertingly open with you since you woke up here. Obviously, he’s still keeping things from you because he’s not explaining everything, but he’s not hiding anything. He’s not masking his emotions, he’s not hitting you with flimsy excuses to dodge the conversation. He’s been open—more open than Dazai Osamu has ever been with anyone. 

“Oh yes,” he drawls, giving you a languid smile before reaching over to grab a sweatshirt and pants. “Many women.”

You side-eye him. “Don’t even joke about that.”

He raises his eyebrows, looking unbearably amused, and then he murmurs, “You know you’re the only woman for me.”

You let out a pleased huff and raise your chin, giving him a simpering smile before he steps back into the bathroom to get his clothes on. As soon as he does, you’re looking back down at the lingerie, and with only enough time for a split second to make a decision, you glance back at the closed bathroom door, yank the set out of the drawer, and change into it as quickly as you can.

You’d like to see him keep his hands off of you while you’re dressed in this. 

You toss yourself on the bed, humming to yourself as you stretch, making sure the lingerie is fitted properly while you wait for him to get out of the bathroom. You don’t actually know if this is a good idea—the conversations you’ve had with him, the emotional intimacy, it’s a lot for one day, and a part of you is worried that he’s been avoiding physical intimacy because it would just be too much. How are either of you supposed to go back to how things were once you’ve fully indulged in what could be?

That’s also part of the reason why you need to seduce him. You need to show him that he doesn’t have to go back to how things were, that this could be the new norm if he just allowed it. You’re already not sure if you’ll be able to handle going back to how things used to be tomorrow, but you’re in too deep already that you may as well fully indulge. You may as well use this time to try to make him really understand what he could have if he just allowed it.

When you hear the bathroom door creak open, you don’t lift your head to look at him. You know the exact moment he notices you because he’s mid, “Do you want—” when his voice abruptly cuts off.

You hold your breath when you don’t immediately hear him walk in your direction, uncertainty rising in your chest when he also doesn’t speak. It’s an agonizing few seconds as you wait for him to do something. Eventually, you hear his feet padding against the ground as he makes his way over to you.

You don’t know if he’s approaching from behind your head or from your side, and you don’t want to crane your neck around to look. It’s only when you see movement from the corner of your eye as he reaches out to trace his finger up your body, starting from the valley between your breasts up to the middle of your throat. His touch burns, and you can’t think as he drags his finger against your skin. When he finally gets to your throat, he rests it there, and it feels like a brand, searing and heavy as if he’s pressing his claim into your skin with just the pads of his fingers. The air feels thick, suffocating, and you realize you’ve stopped breathing entirely. His pupils are blown wide as he stares down at you silently, gaze running up and down your body intensely, but his fingertips linger on that one spot at the center of your throat—unmoving, heavy, possessive.

You’ve succeeded, but at what cost?

“Tease,” he finally breathes out. The word is shaky, and his finger tenses on your neck before he drags it up to your cheek so he can caress your face. “You’re beautiful.”

You press your face into his hand, looking up at him through your lashes as you say softly, “I’m yours.”

He draws his hand back like he’s been burned, but he doesn’t move away, staring down at you with an expression that you just can’t place. After a few long moments, he whispers, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true,” you repeat, pushing yourself up and shifting on your knees so you can look at him, sitting back on your heels. His throat spasms as he swallows, hardly able to keep his gaze on your face. “I’m yours. I always have been, always will be, you must know that by now.”

“You need to move on,” he tells you, voice wavering. His hand twitches like he wants to reach out again, but he stops himself. “You need to let me go. Please.”

Your lips curve up into a smile that you know doesn’t reach your eyes. “That’s not an option, Osamu.”

Silence stretches between the two of you, thick and suffocating. His jaw clenches, and his eyes are dark with something unreadable. He exhales sharply before looking away, shaking his head like he wants to argue, but he doesn’t. Instead, his hands curl into fists against his thighs, his breath shuddering as if he’s trying to steady himself.

Then, almost too quietly, he says, “You have no idea what you do to me. You don’t understand.”

His voice is hoarse; this time, he doesn’t stop himself from reaching out. His fingers tremble as they brush against your cheek. You swallow thickly and then give him a teasing smile to try to lighten the mood, winking as you say, “I can imagine.”

“You can't,” he replies, throat bobbing terribly as he looks at you with the same expression you imagine a condemned man wears to the gallows. “You can’t. I don’t even understand it. It’s… unfathomable—it consumes me, corrodes me from the inside out. What I feel for you, I feel it in my bones, in my blood. It’s unbearable. I tried to rid myself of it; I tried to rid myself of you to make things easier on both of us, but I couldn't.”

“Osamu—”

“I tried to make sense of it. I thought maybe understanding what I feel for you would help me learn how to be apart from you,” he interrupts, voice taking on a more manic tone. His eyes are glassy now as his gaze flits away for a moment, like he’s trying to regain some semblance of control over himself but fails. “I tried so hard, but it was impossible. You twist me up inside, whether you’re around or not. You—you haunted me. Haunt me. You’re alive—whether it’s a city away, ten floors down, or across the sea—but you haunt me. You’re in my every thought, seared behind my eyelids, a ghost in the mirror behind me. I can’t escape you, and I don’t want to escape you—you’re here when I close my eyes, and when I open them, I search for you without meaning to. I knew I would ruin you, I knew how things were going to end from the beginning, but being apart from you was… it was agonizing.”

You don’t know what to say as you stare up at him. His eyes—wild, dark, desperate—search yours as if looking for something that might make this easier, that might make it make sense. He wants you to understand, you realize, but how could you understand what he doesn’t even understand himself?

“I’ve known so much pain,” he continues quietly. His voice shakes, raw with something too heavy to name. His thumb brushes over your cheek. His hand is trembling, his touch adoring and aching, like he’s memorizing the feeling of your skin against his, like he’s afraid that you’re a mirage that will disappear if he presses down too hard. “More than you could ever know. So many lifetimes of it, I saw them all—lives of other mes and other yous. I’ve seen you die over and over again, I’ve felt death myself more times than I can count. None of that pain compared to the prospect of a single life without you in it.”

He swallows hard, and for a second, it looks like he might say more. Instead, he lets out a breathless laugh, humorless and tired. “You don’t understand,” he repeats, softer now, almost to himself, as he caresses your cheek. “You can’t… Maybe it’s for the best.”

“I want to understand,” you insist. When he tries to pull his hand away, you lift yours to grab it, entwining your fingers with his and holding it close. “Help me understand. Please.”

He looks down, and you think he’s about to say no. You see the conflicted expression on his face, the reluctance, but just as you’re going to sigh and look away, something changes. He looks up at you again, searching your eyes for some sort of answer, and whatever it is, he finds it. Your mouth dries when you see the small smile that curves to the corner of his lips, when you see the way his gaze softens. The mattress shifts as he comes to kneel next to you, and when he lifts his hand to cradle your face again, there’s no hesitation in his touch.

“In another life, you were my wife,” he breathes out softly, thumb running along your cheekbone as he commits your face to his memory. “In every other life, you were my wife. I wish it could’ve been this one, too.”

Your breath catches, heart stuttering in your chest as you stare up at him. You search his face for a lie, for madness, for anything to cling to that’s not hope, but all you find is truth. You don’t understand it. Dazai’s not explaining, but he fully believes in what he’s saying, and you want to, as well. You want to believe that there are lives out there where the two of you had been able to live happily and in love, but that would mean accepting that it was possible in this one, but Dazai didn’t allow it, and he won’t tell you why. 

Like he can see thoughts running through your head, his expression becomes a bit more solemn, the smile on his lips fading as he looks down. “I know I have no right to ask you this, but please, for the rest of the night, can we pretend?”

You should say no. You should demand more of an explanation. How can he say this—how can he call you his wife, how can he tell you all of this and not explain how he knows? How can he not explain why it couldn’t be this life, too? How can he not help you understand? But Dazai is begging you with the same expression he wore before—that of a condemned man, like he knows a dark fate is awaiting him and wants one last mercy from the woman he loves.

So again, you ask quietly, “Will you kiss me?”

Unlike on the beach, Dazai doesn’t kiss you immediately. His dark gaze remains trained on your face, and his expression is almost sad as his thumb gently caresses your skin. He looks at you and touches you like you’re something fragile, something precious, something he knows he shouldn’t be indulging in but can’t bring himself to stop.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

You’re frustrated because you still don’t know what he’s apologizing for. You don’t know why he’s so against being with you; you don’t know what he knows from these other lives he’s supposedly witnessed, and you don’t know how it affects the two of you. He doesn’t give you the chance to ask, though. All of your frustration and confusion wash away as soon as his lips touch yours.

He kisses you as gently as he cradles your face; it’s not nearly as intense as the kiss you shared on the beach. His lips move slowly against yours, savoring the moment, memorizing the shape of your mouth, the way you taste, the way you breathe against him. There’s no sense of urgency, no desperation—just quiet devotion, worship, a type of tenderness that makes your chest ache. His fingers cradle the back of your head, his thumb brushing soothing circles against your cheek as he deepens the kiss slightly.

It’s another apology.

“I don’t understand,” you gasp again as his lips glide to the corner of yours, down to your jaw, down to your neck. You can hardly breathe, and your hands are trembling as you lift them. You rest one on his shoulder and slide the other to the back of his head, fingers carding through his dark hair. “Osamu, I don’t understand.”

“I know,” he says softly. Your lashes flutter shut as he kisses the underside of your jaw again and then your pulse point. “I know, I’m sorry. You were never meant to understand, I’m scared now that you will.”

“Osamu—” you try again, voice pleading, but his name cuts off into a shaky moan when his hands slide down your body. Your breath wavers as he kisses down to your collarbone, teeth grazing your skin. You think he’ll maybe unhook the top piece of the lingerie, but he only pulls back so he can look at it more carefully, eyes dark and breath unsteady before he continues kissing down your chest. “I—”

His hands settle on your hips as his lips trail down to your navel, each kiss lingering, and your head feels foggy. Your fingers dig into the sheets, back arching as Dazai’s lips brush right above the red silk of your panties. He pulls back just a few centimeters, warm breath fanning across your skin. 

“You’ll never forgive me,” he whispers. “I know that, but I’m so selfish to want you to.”

You want to ask him to explain again, but he doesn’t give you the chance. Your breath catches when his hands slide from your hips to your thighs. You expect him to pull them off of you, but he only hooks a finger beneath them to pull them to the side. You try to say his name again, but it dies on your tongue when you see the intense expression on his face as he stares down at you.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs. His eyes slide shut as he kisses your inner thigh. Each kiss is reverent, like he’s trying to convey to you through actions, everything he can’t possibly articulate in words. “You’ve always deserved better than me. I’ve never understood…”

“You’re all I want,” you tell him shakily, brushing your fingers against his cheek. 

He looks up at you, and his lips curl up into a solemn smile. He says regretfully, “I know. I wish I weren’t.”

Your lips part to question him, but Dazai seems to sense the question on your lips because he finally stops teasing. A gasp tears from your lips as Dazai’s tongue dips into your cunt; he drags a long line between your folds before sucking gently on your clit.

“Oh god,” you breathe out, thighs trembling as Dazai’s tongue moves slowly, tracing patterns against your cunt—letters, maybe? You can’t tell. His hands are warm and steady as he keeps you open for him, lapping at you gently.

He hums against you, the vibration making you shudder. Each flick of his tongue has your body hot and fuzzy—just enough to keep you at the edge but never quite enough to push you over it. His mouth works over you like he’s savoring every reaction, relishing in every twitch of your hips as he holds you in place.

“You’re a drug,” he whispers, more to himself than to you. You forcibly lift your head so that you can look at him; he’s already looking up at you, his eyes dark and full of something you can’t place. “I can never get enough of you. Can never stay away. I tried so hard.”

His lashes flutter shut again as he returns to devote his attention to your pleasure. A needy moan spills from your lips when he seals his lips around your clit again, this time letting his teeth graze it before he sucks hard. His hands shoot from your thighs to your hips to hold you down when you try to grind your hips against his face.

Dazai hasn’t gone down on you at all in the last four years, and you’ve almost forgotten how good he is with his tongue. He knows your body like the back of his hand—he always has, but there’s something now that’s different. He’s just as skilled as you remember, but it’s not just that practiced expertise now—it’s desperation, hunger, a type of need that makes your whole body tremble. His fingers dig into your hips to keep you still, but there’s a tremor to them, like he’s physically having to hold himself back.

You won’t survive tonight, you think, head fuzzy as Dazai’s tongue swirls around you faster.

“Osamu,” you gasp, fingers tightening in his hair. He moans against you, lashes fluttering as he sucks hard, pulling a sharp cry from your lips. Your thighs quiver around his head, but he only hums in warning, the vibration sending you closer to that edge.

You expect a teasing remark or a smug comment, but Dazai is completely focused on making you come undone on his tongue—you can only hear the sound of your breathy moans and the lewd slide of his mouth against your cunt. The heat in your abdomen becomes unbearable, almost painful, and when he slides two fingers inside of you, curling them just right as he rolls your clit between his teeth, your whole body tenses.

“That’s it,” he breathes against you, voice pitched with need. “Let go for me, baby.”

And you do. You shatter as he holds you in his arms, coming apart on his tongue and fingers. Your eyes knock back as you take in a choked breath that shifts into a cry of his name, and when your back arches off the bed, Dazai’s free hand slides up and down your side soothingly. He rides out your high, fingers slowly pumping in and out of your cunt, before he pulls them out to replace it with his tongue, lapping up your cum with the eagerness of a man starved. He lets out a low groan, and your body spasms as pleasure shifts into overstimulation.

“Osamu,” you choke out again, trying to push at his head when he doesn’t relent. Your gaze is still blurry and dancing with spots when you try to look down at him again, but it’s like he doesn’t hear or feel you. His hips grind against the bed as he hikes your legs over his shoulders, dragging you closer so he can devour you. Your body is hot, too hot, and twitches uncontrollably as he fucks his tongue deep into your sensitive cunt. “I ca—haaah, fuck, ‘samu, please—”

“S’okay, baby,” he gasps, voice ragged. “I know your limits, you can give me another.”

You almost sob when you say, “I can’t,” but even as you say it, your head is lolling back, vision darkening as your hips jerk against his face. You think he lets out an obscenely lewd moan when he feels your walls tighten around his tongue, but your ears are ringing, your body on fire as you finish a second time within a matter of moments. 

You don’t know how long it takes you to settle down, you think you might’ve blacked out for a few seconds because you only really start to register what’s happening when you feel Dazai kissing back up your body. Your hand is trembling as you reach up to rest it on his shoulder; your breath shudders when he kisses your neck, deceptively gentle.

“Osamu,” you whisper weakly when he lifts his head to look at you. His dark eyes have a hazy look to them, and his lips curl up into a sweet smile as he reaches up to wipe away the drool pooling at the corner of your lips. 

“Lookit you,” he coos, but his voice is rough with need as he kisses your cheek. “So fucked out, and we’ve barely even done anything yet.”

I love you, you want to say, lifting a trembling hand to brush your fingers against his cheekbone. His lashes flutter shut as he leans into your touch. This is all you’ve ever wanted, you think—your eyes blur again, but this time, instead of from pleasure, it’s with tears. You realize you were wrong before, you hadn’t been in too deep at the beach or even after the conversation when he got out of the shower, but now… this… 

Your heart clenches as you stare up at him, throat tightening over a sob—you know this isn’t going to last. You should’ve left when you had the chance to survive this.

“Don’t cry,” he murmurs, wiping away your tears. “I’m sorry, I know this was a lot for one day. We can stop.”

“No,” you say immediately, reaching up to hold his hand to your cheek. “Please.”

He searches your face like he doesn’t trust what he’s hearing. His fingers twitch against your skin, expression flickering between hesitation and something more vulnerable.

“You’re sure?” he asks, voice quiet as he cradles your cheek gently. 

You nod, throat spasming as you swallow. “I’m sure.”

Dazai exhales slowly, thumb stroking your cheekbone, tracing the damp trail your tears left behind. His gaze softens, and then he leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead before trailing his lips down over the bridge of your nose, brushing against the corner of your mouth. He pauses there, waiting, giving you one last chance to change your mind.

But you don’t. You tilt your head up to close the distance between the two of you, and when your lips meet his, he melts into you with a soft sigh. You taste yourself on his lips; he kisses you slowly and threads his fingers through yours, holding your hand against his chest, right over the frantic beat of his heart, like he’s offering you a piece of himself that he’s never been able to before.

“At first, I wanted to run away,” he admits, voice shaking. You don’t know what he’s referring to, but you find yourself lost in his words anyway. “I was fifteen, and it was so much—too much—I just couldn’t handle it. I wanted to run, I bought this place because I was scared. It was the only place I could go where I felt like everything was… bearable. I felt less lonely here.”

His breath fans against your lips as he speaks. His expression is so frail—on the verge of breaking—that you can hardly bear to look at him. He seems to have more to say, so you stay quiet as you wait for him to speak.

“I bought it for us,” he whispers, throat bobbing as his eyes slide shut and he rests his forehead against yours. “I wanted to run away here with you.”

Your breath catches.

“We still can,” you say weakly, lifting your hands to cup his cheeks. His eyes slide back open so he can look at you—they’re warm, familiar, sad. You know his answer before he speaks it, but you try anyway. “We still can, Osamu. We don’t have to go back.”

“You still don’t understand,” he breathes out, lifting his hand to cradle the back of yours, holding it against his face. “I hope you never do.”

A heavy silence lingers between the two of you, thick with everything he refuses to tell you. His skin is warm, thumb stroking the back of your hand idly. Your fingers slip from his cheek, trailing down the sharp edge of his jaw, brushing along the column of his throat. His pulse thrums beneath your touch, quick and unsteady, and his eyes are dark and intense, and something about it—about the way he watches you, like he’s still holding himself back—makes that heat return low in your stomach.

“I love you,” you tell him, one last desperate plea for him to change his mind. “I’ve always loved you. I’ll never not love you, Osamu.”

“I know,” he murmurs, brown eyes glassy and expression distraught as he looks to the side. “I know, I’m so sorry. It was never supposed to be this way.”

Your hand flies to your mouth to muffle a sob, your chest tightening with the weight of his unspoken answer—your love for him isn’t enough. It never was and never will be. He says nothing, but you feel him brush your hair behind your ear, caressing your skin. His touch lingers, warm and gentle, and then a soft, wet drop lands against your skin. Then another.

Dazai is crying.

“Kiss me,” you say again.

Dazai inhales sharply, fingers stilling against your cheek. His breath is warm and uneven against your lips, but he doesn’t move. Your chest aches. You’ve never seen him like this—so unsure, so vulnerable. His walls have always been impossibly high, even before he took over as boss, but now they’re crumbling right in front of you.

“Please,” you whisper, tilting your head up, your lips barely brushing his. “Just kiss me.”

A shudder runs through his body, and then, his lips crash into yours. There’s nothing slow or unhurried about this kiss—it’s desperate, frantic, like he’s trying to consume you. His hands are everywhere, gripping your waist, sliding up your back, tangling into your hair—you can hardly breathe, slipping your own hands beneath his sweatshirt to slide against the bandages wrapped around his torso.

“Please,” you beg again, unsure of what exactly you’re begging for this time. His teeth graze your lower lip, and a soft whimper spills from your lips, swallowed immediately by his mouth. “Please.”

“I’ve got you,” he promises, but you can still taste the saltiness of your combined tears on your lips. “I’ve got you, baby. Tell me what you want.”

“You,” you tell him, voice shaky as your grip on his waist tightens. You want him—it’s always been him, only been him. From the day you met him, he was all you ever wanted. “I want you.”

“You have me,” he says, voice low and rough. He presses his forehead to yours again, the weight of his touch grounding you. “You’ve always had me. I’ve always been yours. Heart, body, and soul—I’m yours.”

“But it’s not enough,” you gasp. “It’s not enough, is it?” 

Dazai swallows as he shakes his head. “It’s not enough.”

You don’t ask him this time when you lean up to kiss him again, desperate to muffle the sob that threatens to spill from your lips. You make your intentions quite clear when you slide your leg up his body to hook it around his waist—you need to pretend just for tonight that you’re enough.

“Please,” you murmur against his lips, letting out a breathy moan when he kisses the underside of your jaw, hand dropping down to your thigh. “Please.”

“I’ve got you,” he repeats, even though you know it’s only for tonight. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” 

The word hitches into a quiet whine when he rocks his hips against yours, biting down over your pulse point just hard enough to draw a gasp from your lips. The sharp sting melts into pleasure when his tongue soothes over his mark, breath hot against your skin. His grip on your hip tightens, the hand on your thigh sliding up and down soothingly.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” he groans against your throat, voice low and wrecked. “Fuck.”

He grinds his clothed cock against you again, slower this time. He kisses up and down your neck as his hand drops from your hip down to the waistband of his pants. He lets out a grunt as he yanks them down, and you lift one hand to his head so you can pull his face up to yours, pressing your lips to his right as he rolls his hips, cock sliding between your folds. 

“I’ve always been so selfish when it comes to you,” he gasps. You’re barely able to hold your eyes open as your body trembles in anticipation for the familiar feeling of his cock stretching you out—his tip presses against your entrance, but he doesn’t push in yet. His forehead presses against yours, breath hot and heavy. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him. Your voice is shaky, barely more than a breath as your hand slides from the back of his head to his cheek again. “It’s okay, you can be selfish. Please, be selfish.”

Another groan rips from his throat; this one is more ragged, like your words break something inside of him. His eyes are glassy with tears again—the hand on your thigh is tight, but the one cradling your face is gentle.

“It was never supposed to be like this,” he whispers. “You were never supposed to be the price.”

“I don’t know what you mean, Osamu,” you tell him again, voice breaking.

“I know,” he breathes out. “I hope you never do.”

He doesn’t give you the chance to reply as he finally sinks into you. Your breath catches, head falling back against the pillows, eyes half-rolled back at the familiar stretch of him. A broken moan escapes your lips, fingers trembling against his waist and shoulders, digging into the bandages covering his skin to try to pull him impossibly closer. His breath is hot against your throat, ragged and uneven, like he’s barely holding himself together.

“Fuck,” he gasps, voice strained as he buries himself to the hilt. He drags his lips from your neck up to your cheek, panting as he tries to maintain some semblance of control. “You feel—you’re perfect. You’re perfect. I’m sorry.”

Your hand slides back into his hair, fingers tangling in the soft, dark strands as you force him to look at you. His pupils are blown wide, his expression torn with regret and need. You tilt your hips up slightly, urging him to move, and he inhales sharply, lips brushing yours as his eyes slide shut.

“Please,” you breathe for the last time, and his restraint finally snaps.

He pulls back only to thrust forward again. He’s barely moved at all, and you’re already desperately trying to keep control of yourself. You’re drunk off the feeling of him inside of you again, the feeling of being whole is intoxicating. You tilt your head up to brush your lips against his jaw, and he instantly turns his face down to you, pressing his lips sloppily against yours to muffle the pitched moan that almost escapes him as he rocks his hips into you again.

His pace is nothing like you’re used to—he fucks you slow, each thrust deep and steady. Like he wants you to feel every inch of him. Like he’s trying to mold himself inside of you, dragging it out until you’re gasping, whining his name, writhing against him. It’s overwhelming—the way he holds you, the way his breath hitches with each roll of his hips, the way his fingers tighten on your skin like he’s afraid to let go.

His forehead stays pressed against yours, his lips brushing over yours in fleeting, teasing kisses. “I’m scared,” he confesses, hips stilling, voice trembling. “I’m so scared of what comes next. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I act like I do, but I don’t, and I’m scared I’ve done everything wrong, and this was all for nothing.”

You cradle his cheek again, lifting his face so that he’s looking at you. “You’re Dazai Osamu—you’re the smartest and most infuriating man I’ve ever met,” you say, a small, shaky smile tugging at your lips when you see the pain and fear in his eyes. “I trust you, and I don’t know what your plan is, but I know you, and I know things always work out the way you want them to.”

“Not always,” he whispers. “You have too much faith in me.”

“You don’t have enough faith in yourself,” you counter, carding your fingers gently through his hair. “I love you.”

A strangled sound escapes him, something caught between a sigh and a sob, and then his lips crash to yours again. 

“I love you,” he gasps against your lips, picking up the pace of his hips. He lets out another moan into your mouth, lashes fluttering, dark eyes glazed over, hardly able to keep them open as he fucks you harder, pace quickening as he desperately chases his release. “I love you. I love you. I’m sorry.”

You can’t even say it back now, head falling back against the pillow, lips parted in a noiseless moan. Each thrust jolts your body further up the bed, the tip of his cock bullies so deep inside of you that it has you half-convinced that you can feel him up in your stomach. Your head spins, drowning in the obscene sound of Dazai’s cock driving in and out of you and the lewd slapping of skin-on-skin, lost in the incoherent babbles of I love yous, and I’m sorrys that keep spilling from his lips. Even before he took over as boss, Dazai had never been particularly loud when he fucks you, but he is now as he moans your name alongside the jumbled words, gasping and panting and cursing each time he feels your walls convulse around him.

“I—” 

You start to speak, but you don’t even know what you’re trying to say. Were you warning him that you were about to cum? Were you trying to say I love you too? Were you just speaking to speak? Your cheeks are wet, breath ragged, vision dancing with too many spots. Every time you try to breathe, you choke over another moan—he doesn’t even have his hand around your throat, and you just can’t get any air to your lungs.

One last thrust pushes you over the edge for a third time. When you cum on his cock, gasping over what you think is his name, there’s no question about whether you blacked out because, this time, you feel the sudden numbness that spreads through your body as your head lolls back. Dazai’s still fucking you through your orgasm by the time you come back to, lashes fluttering and gaze unfocused on the ceiling—you can feel his grip tight on your thigh, keeping it snug around his waist as he snaps his hips into yours even when you can’t hold it up yourself anymore, and his lips on your neck, breath warm as he pants against your skin, murmuring something you can’t quite grasp as he chases the last of his pleasure.

“Kiss me,” you try to say, unsure if the words are even comprehensible. Even if they aren’t, Dazai seems to get the gist of what you’re saying because he pulls his face from your neck. Even through your blurry, unfocused vision, Dazai is beautiful—his dark hair is matted to his forehead, his lips swollen and wet, cheeks flushed pink, eyes glazed over, and half rolled back—he’s so lost in the haze of pleasure that he seems to forget what you said almost immediately, so you take what you want instead.

Your hand trembles as you lift it to cup his cheek, dragging his face down so you can press your lips against his. As soon as you do, Dazai is wrecked, moaning into your mouth, hips stuttering against yours as he cums deep inside of you—you think you might’ve finished again, too, because your body spasms beneath his, hips jerking and eyes knocking back for a split second when you feel his cum filling you up, warm, thick, sticky. Dazai whimpers into your mouth when he feels your walls tightening around his sensitive cock, rolling his hips against yours slowly as he fucks his cum deep inside of you.

The grip on your thigh loosens until he’s sliding his hand up and down it soothingly; his free hand comes up to cup your cheek as he slants his lips against yours to deepen the kiss, mapping out the inside of your mouth with his tongue. You’re not sure how long you lay there with him; your hands eventually drop back down to his waist, settling on his bandaged hips as he kisses you. 

After what feels like an eternity, he pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, his breath warm and uneven against your lips. His thumb strokes your cheekbone as he gazes at you, dark eyes swimming with too many emotions for you to name.

“I love you,” he says softly, voice aching as he traces your face with his fingers longingly. “More than you can ever imagine.”

Your chest tightens at the words you’ve been dying to hear for four years, but you find no relief in them. You only find resignation because you know his love for you doesn’t change reality.

“But it’s not enough.” Your voice is weak, cracking over the words as you look up at him, searching his face desperately for a different answer but not finding one. “It’s not enough, is it?” 

Dazai’s throat spasms as he swallows, lashes fluttering shut momentarily.

“No,” he breathes. “It’s not enough.”

[syoddeye]

oh ho ho! so simon calls and asks the bartender out...what are we thinking? does he go all out trying to prove he actually isn't a loser and can pull off a suave date? or does he purposefully plan the most off-putting date possible to get back at her for being a pain in the ass?

prev.

i love that you think he's going to call right away. nope.

simon sends some version of you up? after close, then stews for hours when you don't reply. he sits in the dark, phone in hand, grumbling to himself. the cigarette between his fingers burns low, barely making it to the ashtray before he lights another.

he lasts three days. three nights of drinking alone at home, refusing to go to the pub and show his face. the thought crosses his mind to go elsewhere, where it'd take him all of fifteen minutes to find a bit of skirt, but somehow, you've gone and sucked the thrill out of that.

his pride keeps him tethered in place, stubborn to a fault, but even that has its limits. on the third night, the ashtray beside him overflowing, he finally caves. he calls.

"so you can follow instructions. i was worried i'd have to draw you a picture."

he doesn't waste time. "sent ya an address. i can be there in ten." 

"yeah, i looked it up. looks like a classy joint. free wifi." 

"…you comin' or not?" 

"mm, got a policy. can't sleep anywhere lower than three stars." 

"s'not for sleepin'." 

"then let's do yours. got a bed frame?"

simon straightens, caught off guard. that's unexpected—that you're game. he expected more of a fuss, but if you're just in it for dick, things are back on track.

he glances at his bed. the rumpled dark blue sheets are half-pulled off the mattress, still on the floor where he's always kept it. it's never mattered before, but no one's ever been here, either. hotels keep it impersonal. neutral ground. they reinforce the rules. they do the cleaning.

"can't. i'll come over." 

"oof, i've got another policy." you chuckle. "can't have someone over until we've gone on an actual date. you know, to make sure they're normal. or close to it." 

you have no idea.

he imagines sitting across a table in some overpriced restaurant, squeezed into a tiny chair, with loud music pounding in his ears. wasting money on drinks and food. all that just to stare at the tits he knows you're going to hide underneath some layers while you make small talk. it makes his skin itch.

but. if your stupid little 'policies' don't exist solely to jerk him around, he'll earn passage into your world. your place. unknown territory, somewhere to plant a flag and humble you all at once.

forget his lack of a bed frame, he hasn't had a bird in her own bed in ages.

"fine. tomorrow."

"sunday," you counter, and he hears the grin in your voice. "i'm off monday. send me a better address, and i'll meet you there. no french food."

he scoffs. "that, we can agree on."

you laugh, teasing. "bring that with you—the sense of humor. you're gonna need it."

[killa-cookie]

Temperance . The 6th

Beasts x Beast ! Reader

Cussing , Violent themes

Edited because I made spelling mistakes.

✦ "Have you ever heard of the 6th beast, the greatest of the beasts, the one who made balance, the one who kept those in a straight line to the most purest of futures... TEMPERANCE

- Their self-disciplined behavior kept every cookie in their place, even when the other uncorrupted beasts had gone out of control. Legend states that they had resisted corruption due to their self controled and balanced nature, and is now somewhere, resting on earthbread.

- The witches had begged Temperance to go out and fight for the nation, but Temperance refused. The nation did need their own consequences to their arrogant actions. No matter how much they tried, Temperance never budged.

- Temperance once did try to fight off the corruption of the beasts. But inevitably failed due to being outnumbered, they had barely escaped the temptations. "

" Waiitt— so Temperance could be anywhere on earthbread right now!? "

–Gingerbrave interrupted Pure Vanilla's story, only to be met with a glare from wizard cookie.

——— THE DAY OF CALAMITY

Terror was everywhere, fires spreading all out, screeches of pain. Your environment was surrounded by calamity and...unbalance.

You were weakened, your dough crumbling by the second. And worst of all, your comrades have fallen into corruption, into sin. You were also— outnumbered.

" Cmon softiieeee just join us, give in to temptationnnn—" Shadow Milk hummed at your pathetic state.

" plus— We would LOVEEE to have you here!!"

"NEVER WILL I GIVE INTO— *cough SIN. "

You practically yelled at Shadow— no..Blueberry Milk, he was taken aback to be honest. You had never yelled at them like that, more importantly him.

"Friend, it is best to join us rather than resist."

Mystic flour cookie spoke softly, her head tilted down your crouched figure.

" You're already crumbling— HAHA! I don't think you would want us to turn you into ashes now, sweets? "

These weren't your friends anymore, they were BEASTS.

`I have no choice. ` you thought, your breath hitching as all of those beasts stared down at you.

` this is my last resort. `

With all of the power you had harnessed from them being distracted by your position on the ground, a gust of strong wind surrounded you like a shield.

"AGH WHAT THE FUCK—" burning spice screeched as his eyes were shut closed with leaves that surrounded the wind, gaining some laughter from Shadow milk.

" ...... " Silent salt watches as the huge gusts of wind carried even trees around it.

BANG

The shield then exploded with all that harnessed wind, pushing the beasts back. You were gone, no trace of you left.

"They... Escaped? " Eternal sugar cookie muttered in surprise, but she expected as much from the virtue of Temperance.

" Well, as much as I am angered by their escape... I feel glad that they are at least alive. "

Mystic flour proclaimed, she didn't want you to turn into crumbs yet.

"Well chop chop comrades! We must find them."

Shadow milk hovered off the ground, a grin of excitement across his face.

"Agreed." —all the other beasts spoke in agreement.

- but before they could even begin searching, the witches had punished them greatly for bringing mass destruction, and possibly almost crumbling one of their greatest creations.

- but The Virtue Of Temperance could be anywhere right now, and to be honest... It would be my greatest honor to meet them in person

—

"Wait- they could be anywhere right now!? Even in front of us!? "

"Now gingerbrave, that's a possibility but still silly. There's no chance that they're with us right now, no one here could even be THE virtue of Temperance. Right ______? "

You stared at them both in silence, Pure Vanilla's staff looking at you eagerly.

"Right..... ______? " Wizard cookie repeated, but more in an astonished tone. He did find it weird that you were always fully cloaked, never showing your face. Kind of like Healer cookie when he was actually pure... Vanilla..

"....." You only let out a hum, sweating and shaking a little. Clearly nervous...

"_______? Do you have something to... Tell us? "

"Well.... About that... " you lifted up your cloak a bit, revealing your soul jam that was found in the crook of your neck. ( kind of like shadow milks but a little on the side. )

"N-NO WAY!"

[ameliathornromance]

“Ouch!” Your Orc hissed, jerking in pain as you pressed alcohol soaked cloth to his arm. “You can’t be more gentle, can you?”

“Well if you stopped moving,” you returned through gritted teeth, “then it wouldn’t hurt as much. It’s not me that’s causing you pain, it’s the chemical. If I’m any more gentle about it, the pain will just last longer and it will sting a lot more.”

The giant gash in his arm just did not want to stop bleeding. You let out a sigh of irritation as you realised it was going to need stitches. “Hold onto it for me?”

Grumbling, your Orc Boyfriend pressed held the soaked cloth in place as you reached for your medical box behind you, “how did this happen then?”

“I was in the gym,” your boyfriend started, “and this goblin wouldn’t stop trying to take pictures of me, so I told him to put the phone down. He said ‘no, it’s a public space, I can film who I damn well likes’ and his smug face pissed me off. So… I might have gotten a little rough with him.”

You sighed again. Typical of an Orc to start the physical fight. Pulling out a needle and medical thread, you cleaned them, nodding as your boyfriend went on, “and then this little bastard pulls out a knife and just slashed me open!”

Your head whipped around to look at your partner, “what the fuck?!” you set the needle and thread down on your bedside table. “You’re not hurt anywhere else, are you? Oh my God, why did they even let that guy in with a weapon!?” You surveyed your Orcs topless body, searching his green skin for any kind of graze or cut.

“Something about it being for Goblin arts practice.” Your boyfriend grunted, annoyed. “Anyway, he’s then restrained by some of the staff, the police are called and there was also an ambulance.”

“Why didn’t you let the paramedics stitch you up?!” You asked, aghast. “Why would you refuse it and come back here!?”

Meeting your boyfriends gaze, he gives you a sheepish look. “… Because you used to sew up my cuts when I was a cage fighter?”

“That was only on the fly!” You snapped, “I’m not a medical professional, I could have really hurt you doing that!”

He scoffed, “we all could have gotten really hurt doing that. It was underground and illegal for all of us to be there.”

You rolled your eyes and picked up the needle and thread again. You set to work sewing up your boyfriends wound, “that was a very, very long time ago. I don’t know if I’m still any good at this.”

“I trust you.” The Orc said, smiling. “You were always gentle with me whenever I’d come out of the ring.”

You couldn’t hold back your smile, “I was only gentle with you because I liked you.”

Back then, it was difficult to find any kind of joy. You were in a lot of trouble with loan sharks and had to do something to pay them back.

You’d been kicked out medical school, were drowning in their debt… but there’s no reason as to why you couldn’t put to use the little skills you’d learnt.

So you started helping illegal cage fighters with their injuries. They paid well and everyone had a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Although half of your pay check got taken back by the loan sharks, the fighters you did heal would give you tips of 100 coins, sometimes up to 1000, depending on how they were feeling, so that helped a great deal.

Your boyfriend, known as ‘Big Money’ for his green skin and huge muscular body, was the top fighter there. If you were smart, you betted on ‘Big Money.’ It’s in the name isn’t it? You want to win? You bet big.

Every time you took care of him, he always took you out to dinner as thanks. And eventually, he was taking you out just because, and before long, you were dating.

Everyone knew you as ‘Big Money’s girlfriend’ and rarely gave you any slack… apart from the occasional too big for his boots fighter who snarked you or shoved you away when you tried to tend to his injuries.

When that happened, everyone would treat said fighter like he was a bomb about to go off; no one wanted to be near him, or associated with him And who would? If Big Money was going to get you for disrespecting his girl, you would stay clear too.

A cold shot went through you, “you don’t think that Goblin knew who you were, do you?” you asked.

Your Boyfriend stiffened at the question. He was quiet for a little longer than you’d have liked, but he answered you. “I’m not sure. I didn’t recognise him when I saw him, he might have just been a spectator.”

“Either way… it’s still a concern.”

Your boyfriend was in a similar situation to you too, but the difference was that he was hundreds more in debt than you were. Which is why he was put in the ring. Partly as a punishment, partly as a way to earn back all the money he’d lost.

The pair of you wanted to escape that place. Not because you didn’t want to pay off your debts, but because of the barbarity of the environment.

Every time you saw your Orc coming out of the ring, he just looked worse and worse. Black eyes, shattered orbital bones, fractured fingers and toes, tendon snapping and a whole list of other, much gorier things were what made you both realise you wanted out.

With each time you had to fix up his injuries, your hands became even more unsteady.

The event organisers had no clue of your relationship with their ‘Big Money’ and often berated you, threatening to raise your interest if you couldn’t do your job properly.

“We need to leave.” Your Orc had urged you after a particularly bad fight. Both his eyes were swollen and he had stitches sewn into his bottom lip. He paced up and down your cramped bedroom, “this is getting bad, like, too bad. Who knows what they’ll do if-”

“Just stop saying things like that!” You had said, grasping the sides of your head. “I don’t think I can cope with talking about that kind of thing, if they find out we’re thinking about running, they’ll kill us!”

“No, they won’t.” Your Orc had said, firmly. “They won’t. I won’t let them lay a finger on us.”

He had bent down to you, squeezed your hands reassuringly. “I can do this, get us out of there, but you have to trust me okay? I know a guy, who knows a guy. They can get us out and we won’t have to worry about the debt again.”

When you began to shake your head, your boyfriends puffy eyes meets yours. “Please, (Y/N), trust me on this, they’ll believe we’re dead and gone, they won’t come looking for us!”

The final straw came when your Orc was knocked unconscious for two hours. They’d had him in fight after fight, breaks of ten seconds all but before he had to get back in the cage and fight on.

You had to fight back tears as you shakily stitched up a split eyebrow and tried to keep your cool from going off on the event organiser, who sat behind you and counted bills, feet up on the table in his ironed clean suit, paid for in blood money.

And when your boyfriends stitches had failed to hold together and he went down and out… the blame fell to you.

That was it.

You knew you both had to leave.

Your Orc had woken up with no apparent brain injuries and as soon as you were both able to speak again, you told him, “that guy who knows a guy, how much money does he want from us and how soon can he get us out of here?”

From that point it was simple: a fire would be started, people would have to clear and escape the premises, and that’s when the two of you would run.

You remember what it was like, preparing for it. You had to get your blood drawn every two weeks, not a lot, but just enough for people to know that something had happened to you during the confusion.

Your boyfriend did the same thing. He got all of his – limited payments, just enough for him to eat off of – in cash, so he saved and saved for weeks, you did too.

And the moment that fire broke out, you’d never felt such relief.

The pair of you took off in the crowd and the guy, who knew a guy, spilled the blood you had drawn in those earlier weeks.

You’d both gotten into an unmarked van, before being dropped off in a city where nobody knew your names, your past or what you’d had to do to become free.

Once the adrenaline of getting caught had worn off, the pair of you had celebrated with buying a new flat and staring new careers.

You got into alternative medicine, and now healed people through those means, while your boyfriend became a fitness trainer.

And overall, everything seemed to be going well… until today that was.

The guy your boyfriend knew, had said that you had to avoid being photographed, filmed and having any kind of digital trace if you wanted to avoid being found.

You had completely forgotten about that part. Life had been so good that your past had felt like a nightmare.

But if your anxiety was correct, it seemed like you would need to pack up, go on the run again. Or find a way to get that footage off of the Goblin and delete it… and that’s assuming that he hadn’t already put it on social media or sent it to the event organisers, if he was connected to them.

“Hey,” your Orcs soft voice broke you out of your trace state. You tied off the stitches as he put the knuckle of his finger under your chin and forced you to look at him.

“Whatever happens, we’re going to be alright.” He said, firmly. “No one is going to try and hurt us. I’ll get in contact with my guy, and we’ll see what he can do. Who knows? That little bastard might have just been running a fitness page or something. Since he had a knife, he might just do this sort of thing a lot and expects to get into fights.”

You smiled, grateful for his reassurance. “Yeah.”

Sometimes, occams’ razor is the way to keep your head above water. You still made a mental note to pack a duffle bag full of valuables to make sure that you could both shoot off if you needed to.

But you trusted that your Orc Boyfriend would keep you safe. He’d done so all this time, so what would stop him now?

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my story! If you like this kind of content, you should check out my Patreon! There, I post stories twice a week and earlier than I post on Tumblr. I also post exclusive stories there too where you won’t be able to find anywhere else.

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[h3catee]

Introductions Are in Order

Paring: Robert Reynoldsx Fem!Witch Reader! Past Avenger!  

Summary: Bucky asks a favor of you and ends up getting you entangled with one of Valentinas ploys. 

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THUNDERBOLTS*,  talks of mental health, depression, anxiety. Some violence (bc its marvel), some language. Trauma. Angst. Decent amount of Hurt/ With some comfort! 

Word count: 2.7k

AN: Hi! Welcome to my fic! this is probably multi part idk my plans yet. I'm leaning more towards multi-part bc I'm usually a chapter by chapter writer so there isn’t a lot of Bob in this one but I hope its a good intro to maybe a 2-3 parts. I literally fell in love with Bob's character during Thunderbolts and this man gave me motivation to write again. I didn't have a Beta reader for this one so pls forgive any grammer or silly mistakes. Forewarning (y/n)’s powers based off of the Marvel character Morgan le Fay just to throw that out there, she’s definitely not Wanda but definitely not Morgan. Think morally gray/ hates everyone except like 3 people/ witch trained by the past avengers. Next part will have more Bob I promise, just wanted to introduce the story here >:3

Song for the chapter: https://open.spotify.com/track/09fDemXgXzRReTfb7UWxjD?si=7e0b5d606b824813 

xoxox

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“I need your help with something.” 

You sighed heavily before responding, “Hello to you too Senator Barnes!” You heard the man grumble from the other phone line. 

“You know I hate when you call me that,” Bucky said. 

“Well…what do you want, Buck?” You said, rolling your eyes. You look around your empty apartment for something to fidget with while Bucky chews your ear off about calling him another stupid nickname. 

“Y/N, Valentina’s got this guy apparently named Bob-” 

“Bob?” You ask, cutting him off. Who names their kid Bob in this day and age? 

“Yes, Bob! I’m with Nat’s sister and she said we have to go get him because he’s part of some Sentry project,” He explained, voices yelling at him in the background of the phone call. “Can you just meet us at the tower?” 

A wave of nausea rolled over you, “The tower? Bucky, I don't go around there anymore.” 

“I know, but I wouldn’t be calling you if I had anyone else to call.” 

“How nice,” you taunt. You were never any of the Avengers first calls. To be fair you weren’t sure if it is because they were scared of you or your lack of social skills. “Also Nat’s sister?” 

“Later,” Which means he says he’ll tell you later but in reality he’s never going to bring it up again unless you find the answer yourself. 

You sigh, walking over to the bookshelf in your apartment that’s filled with books, both regular and magical, and pictures. Your hand brushes across a photo of yourself, Steven Strange, and Wanda, “I don’t fight anymore Bucky. You couldn’t just ask Sam?” 

“He’s uhmm..busy,” He answered, “I know how you’re feeling y/n.” 

“You don’t,” You interrupt. How could he possibly understand how you’re feeling when he barely reaches out to you unless he needs something. Him and the rest of the remaining team abandoned you, after Wanda, you had no one to turn to. You felt the all too familiar dull ache in your chest. You chewed on the skin around your nails waiting for Bucky to respond. 

“ I think we need you for this one.” Which means in Bucky terms that whoever they are fighting is a mutant and something he can’t fight. 

“Fuck,” You mutter to yourself. 

Ever since Wanda vanished you refused to step back out on the field.She was the only one that truly knew what you were capable of considering she was the one that found you all those years ago. Not even Thor, a god, could hold you back during training sessions and the only avenger to understand your pain was Wanda. And now she’s- 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath to ground yourself. You haven’t been able to sense her magic anywhere. No matter what realm you went to, you couldn’t find her. 

Fuck you Bucky Barnes. 

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“She already knows we’re here,” You try to explain to the group in front of you. Bucky gave you and the rest of the team a run down of Sentry and what Mel, Valentinas assistant, told him about Bob. That doesn’t stop them from driving a truck through the lobby destroying the front of the building in the process, “Awesome,” You have no choice but to join the fight to defend the group. Defense only, you tell yourself 

While Walker has his back turned, a soldier on the ground fires a few stray bullets, you toss your hand up and redirect the shots to the wall behind him, “Watch yourself walker,” You growled. Before he could reply you went back to the fight. Using your magic to cast illusions into the minds of the soldiers fighting to give the group an advantage when attacking.

“I just had that drywall put in. You can just come up, you know that right.” Valentina’s voice rang out over the intercoms, “But I know you knew that already y/n. Come on up!” 

Yelena and Ava looked at you, knowing you had previously stated that and they had just refused to listen. You just rolled your eyes at them before motioning them to go in the elevator. 

“You are not coming,” Yelena asked as the group of 5 squeezed into the elevator. 

You shake your head before pointing up. You close your eyes and feel the familiar stomach reeling feeling of teleporting to where the penthouse once was. Where you shared few but long lasting memories. Your eyes wander across the empty walls and fairly empty room before you look at Val. 

“Ah! Y/N, so lovely to see you darling. You see I’ve always wanted to work with you,” The woman said. 

“Can’t say the same,” You said in a sarcastic tone. 

“Hmm, well maybe he’ll change your mind.” You just raise an eyebrow.

You don’t have the chase to question her because Bucky and the team come through the elevator doors ready to arrest her for crimes. You look between each person and back to Valentina, honestly not sure what is going on. 

That's when you feel it. A humming. Power. You look around only to notice no one else in the “Thunderbolts”, as Alexie is calling them, notices it. You try to pinpoint a mind to tap into to find where this power is from but you can’t, a black shadow blocking you out. Shit. 

“Meet Sentry.” 

You look up to where a man is clothed in a…ugly suit, with unnaturally yellow blonde hair. 

“Hey guys,” He greats. You study him for a second, the power dripping off of him but there's something else there, something all too familiar. You try to invade his mind but there's something keeping you out. You pull and claw at the black void keeping you out. 

“Y/n.” You vacate the attempt on his mind and meet his eyes. You cock your head to the side, he knows what you were doing, “That won’t work,” his voice coming out cautious. 

“Take care of them Robert,” Valentina orders. 

“I don’t want to hurt you guys,” Bob says, looking around at all of them in front of him, “Please just give yourselves in.” 

“Wait-” Yelena tries to interrupt. 

Alexie yells before running towards the man. Instead of following the rest of the team you stand back and observe. Everything they throw at him gets blocked or countered. Teleportation. Flight. Strength.

Bucky shoots at Bob only for the bullets to be sprayed back at him and Walker. You hold your hand up blocking the bullets and directing them towards the already broken window. Thats when Sentry notices you. 

“I knew I liked her,” Walker says to Bucky, getting ready to fight again. 

“Wanda’s not here to save you this time.” 

You barely move after hearing the voice in your head when the rest of the Thunderbolts move to attack Bob. You shake your head as if to clear your thoughts but you feel his eyes on you. Instead of the blue you saw earlier, Bob’s eyes have a golden hue. 

“She left you, just like you told her to.” 

“Stop,” You whisper to yourself, rage boiling beneath your skin. 

The fight breaks out and you watch as Bob grabs Bucky's Arm. 

“God damnit,” You whisper, before running towards the two to save Bucky. Bob tosses Bucky to the side, his arm now torn off. You shot a blast of energy towards him only for him to teleport out of the way. I don’t want to hurt you, You try to telepathically tell him. 

“You can’t hurt me,” He says aloud. 

“Says who,” You taunt. Your feet leave the floor before you can’t register your rage taking over. Blast after blast and nothing is hitting him. 

He teleports in front of you and grabs your neck. What he doesn’t expect is to look behind you and see a beach. A sunset. He furrows his brows as he looks around in confusion. 

That gives you enough time to grab his wrist and teleport out of his grasp. 

The illusion collapses around the two of you as you lose contact. With every fight you’ve been in, usually your opponent will be thrown off once coming out of the illusion but Bob…He raises a hand before you can counter and you slam into the concrete wall of Avengers Tower, the wall cracking behind you. 

 You feel an arm hook under your shoulders and begin to drag you to the elevator which you see is already occupied with the rest of the team besides you and Yelena. “Get off of me,” You grumble. You teleport out of her grasp and out of the tower completely. Your knees are wobbly beneath you and you assess your surroundings. Guard still up. 

“Are you hurt?” You turn and see Bucky running towards you, the rest of the Thunderbolts following in suit. 

“You know I’m not,” You used your magic to heal yourself immediately after the hit, “I tried to help Buck but I’m not strong enough anymore. I’m leaving.” 

“No, let us regroup and we can go back in,” Alexie tries to argue. 

“All of you just got your asses beat, you especially-” 

“Well I am just rusty but now I am ready to go,” The older super soldier bellows. 

You see Yelena put a hand over her eyes. You just laugh out of disbelief and begin to walk down the street. 

“Wait y/n,” Bucky follows after you, “Just wait-” 

You turn, he can feel the rage dripping off of you, “What!” You shout, “What do you want from me?” 

He just stares at you, “I was going to ask if you were okay.” 

You laugh, “Am I okay? God, you should've asked me that when Tony died. Or when I lost Vision and then lost Wanda. Or Nat. Or Steve.” 

“You acted like you didn’t even care about half of the team, what did you expect me to do?” He argues. 

“I didn’t want to hurt any of you!” You exclaim, letting your emotions run wild on the streets of New York, “If you think that up there I used all my power, you're wrong. I didn’t want to hurt any of you so I stayed away.” 

“But Wanda-” 

“But Wanda understood me, more than you or Tony or any of them. You don’t understand what I went through, what I’ve done. Bucky, you don’t know who I really am.” 

There was commotion behind you, taking your concentration away from the conversation. Citizens were pointing up towards the sky. You and Bucky exchange glances before running to where you could have a clear view of what they were looking at. 

A shadow of man floated above Avengers Tower. You watched as he raised a hand and all of a sudden a helicopter came crashing into a crane. Concrete and rubble began to fall from the buildings that were hit. People were screaming. 

Typical avenger in New York occurrence. 

You and Bucky split off to protect the people from being crushed. You used your magic to stop concrete from crushing a family and urged them to get into a building. 

“You’re alone,” You turned to see the man closer to you now. You recognized the voice from just minutes ago, Bob, “You’ve always been alone.” You just stare at him, “It eats you alive doesn’t it, y/n.” 

People are screaming, you turn to look behind you and see shadows of people spread across the floor in dark black smoke. You heart drops, what the fuck is this guy. 

“The pain goes away. Just come with me,” Bob captures your attention once again, “I can make it go away.” 

“How?” You whisper. He reaches a hand out to you. 

“Y/n! Stop!” Bucky shouts behind you but something in your mind is telling you to go. Telling you that everything will stop if you accept his hand. Everything will be quiet. Will the pain finally go away? 

“Y/n,” The distorted voice urges. 

That’s when you close your eyes and walk into the void. 

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You open your eyes and find yourself in an all too familiar room. One lined with archaic symbols preventing you from escaping. Your heart drops because you see yourself, younger, wounded, broken standing on the other side of the room. 

You know this day, you recognize it by the energy alone. This was the first time you killed someone. The first time you disintegrated someone's body and brain. 

“Y/N, Before you is a man who is being convicted of crimes against countless women, including your own mother,” You watched as your younger self balled her hands into fists, “Your task is to eliminate him.” 

Younger you nodded. 

“N-no,” You ran over to where you stood and wrapped your arms around your younger self, “you don’t have to do this,” 

“Get off of me,” Your body is thrown a few feet away from your younger self. That's when you feel it, the pain of a curse of 1000 sharp white-hot knives digging into you, you scream and writhe on the floor. That was your punishment when you were captured, if you ever disobeyed or failed, they cursed you over and over. 

“Stop,” You sob, the curse diminishing, “Stop,” You whisper, tears falling onto the floor beneath you. Your mind whirls and your limbs ache, like you’re gripped by a fever that burns through you like wildfire. 

“Y/n?” A male voice. 

You look towards a doorway where Bob stands, not Sentry, not Void but Bob. You squeeze your eyes shut to stop crying. 

“Oh god, I-I’m so sorry,” He runs over to you, “I-I can’t stop it,” He apologized. 

“I don’t understand,” Your voice comes out as a whisper, “What is this?” You finally sit up and watch the rest of the scene play out in front of you. 

You watch as younger you raises her hand towards the man and he begins to scream in agony. You watch as his skin flairs and melts. 

“Don’t look,” Bob urges, grabbing your arm and pulling your attention from the memory. There are tears in his blue eyes. He has brown hair now instead of the fake gold that Val gave him. He’s clothed in a sweater and tan pants. He honestly looks like he’s going to pass out. “I can’t do anything right, I’m so sorry,” He mumbles, “I-I don’t even know you and you’re stuck here with me. It’s this…void.” 

“How do we get out?” You ask, looking down to study your shaking hands. 

“I-I don’t know. There’s different rooms and each one just gets worse. I’m so sorry Y/n,” He begins to cry. Your heart shatters for a moment thinking about what he must go through if he deals with this constantly, now with the serum it must have fully taken over him. 

“Let’s just get out okay,” You place your hand on his thigh and he tenses beneath you. You squeeze his leg in reassurance before standing up, “P-please don’t tell anyone what you saw, I-I can’t. No one knows.” 

“I won’t, Why would I tell them?” He asks sincerely. All you can do is nod, “Y-you can trust me.” Once again, you just nod. 

“Do you think everyone else is in here?” You ask, trying to change the topic. 

“M-maybe,” He saying, shrinking in on himself. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m fine. We’ll all be fine,” You soothe, “Let’s just find them.” 

Thats how you ended up finding the team, fighting Bob in a chicken outfit, and getting out of the void. Only to have Valentina throw a new title on the group right after. 

The New Avengers. Including you. Awesome. 

And that’s how you ended up here, living in the tower after some much needed renovations. Bob didn’t remember anything after the Void incident but something told you to tell him. So you showed him through your magic. He apologized profusely to the team and kept his distance since then. Honestly, he reminds you a lot of yourself when you first joined the Avengers with Wanda. But you refuse to let him fall into that dark of a hole like you did. 

You want to save someone for yourself, for once. You want to save him. 

part two!

[theonottsbxtch]

FREE NOW | OP81

an: coming in to drop in my usual dose of pain! sorry guys! also i know london doesn't snow much i live there okay - for fictional purposes it snows like canada okay

wc: 4.6k

She had always imagined London as a city brimming with stories—something in the fog, in the way strangers passed each other without a glance, as though every life was a thread winding off into its own tangled skein. But sitting at the tiny table in the corner of a café just off Piccadilly, all she felt was an ache of silence. It settled into her bones, heavy and dull, refusing to leave as she stared down at the empty page of her notebook.

It wasn’t just that she was struggling to write; she’d had writer’s block before, countless times. This felt different, like an emptiness she couldn’t quite explain, as if she were looking for something and wasn’t sure she’d ever find it.

Outside, holiday lights twinkled from shop windows, the buzz of Christmas infecting the streets with a forced cheer that only made her feel more isolated. Her family, well… they hadn’t protested when she’d told them she’d be spending Christmas alone this year, though her mother’s voice had held a thin strain of relief, the same quiet resignation that crept into their few conversations. This was better, she told herself. No pretence of trying to belong.

A little bell jingled as the café door opened, sending a swirl of cold air and a few snowflakes across the room. She lifted her gaze, feeling the dullness lift, just slightly, as she watched the strangers filter in and take their places—shaking off scarves, brushing snow from their shoulders. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, exactly. A spark of inspiration, maybe. The start of a story that she could somehow pull from thin air.

Then she noticed him. He had slipped into the seat next to hers, a coffee between his hands as he stared out the window with an intense, almost brooding focus. She studied him, wondering if he was waiting for someone. The sharp angles of his profile, the tension in his shoulders, the way he held his coffee like it was anchoring him to something unseen. There was something almost familiar about it, that quiet ache that seemed to ripple off him.

She barely realised she’d spoken aloud until she heard her own voice break the silence between them.

“You do that too?”

He turned, startled, his gaze flickering to hers with a hint of surprise. “Do what?”

“People watch,” she said, feeling a faint, unexpected smile tug at her lips.

His face softened, just a little, and for a moment, she thought he might smile too. “I guess I do.”

The silence between them held, soft but charged, like the last still moment before a storm. She was suddenly aware of the faint smell of coffee in the air, of the warmth of the café and the cold press of London just outside. She couldn’t quite look away.

For the next week, they fell into a rhythm neither of them acknowledged aloud. Each morning, she would arrive at the café, order her coffee, and take her usual seat by the window. And almost without fail, he would appear shortly after, his movements precise and unhurried, as if the same quiet pull guided him there.

At first, she thought it was coincidence. London was vast, but habits could form anywhere, and the café had a kind of intimacy that made it easy to return to. But after the third day, she began to wonder.

They didn’t speak, not really. Sometimes, their eyes would meet briefly, a flicker of recognition that neither of them followed up on. She tried not to think too much about him, but he was impossible to ignore, sitting so near, his focus as sharp as it was restless. He scribbled occasionally in a leather notebook, his jaw tight, his gaze flicking to the window as if seeking answers he wasn’t finding.

She imagined he was an artist, or maybe a journalist. Someone chasing a story just as elusive as her own. But she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

It was on the eighth day that he finally broke the silence.

“You’ve been stuck all week, haven’t you?”

She looked up, startled, his voice cutting through the quiet hum of the café. He was watching her now, his gaze steady and warm but laced with something sharper—curiosity, perhaps.

“I—what?” she asked, her cheeks warming.

His lips twitched, not quite a smile. “Your notebook. You keep opening it, but you haven’t written anything.”

She hesitated, her instinct to deflect faltering under the weight of his gaze. There was no judgement there, just an odd kind of understanding that made her feel more exposed than she liked.

“I’m stuck,” she admitted finally, closing the notebook as if to prove her point. “Completely and hopelessly stuck.”

“What are you writing?”

Her fingers tightened on the cover. She wasn’t sure why she answered him. Maybe it was the way he asked, so simply, like the answer mattered. “A romance novel.”

He raised an eyebrow, and for a moment she thought he might laugh. But he didn’t. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, considering her with a thoughtful expression. “Romance, huh? No wonder you’re struggling.”

“Excuse me?” she said, a faint edge creeping into her voice.

“You’re not going to get much inspiration sitting in a coffee shop,” he said simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

She opened her mouth to argue, then shut it again. Because he was right. The truth of it gnawed at her, even as she bristled.

“I’m only visiting London,” she said instead, as if that explained everything.

“Even better.”

She blinked, confused. “What do you mean?”

He leaned forward then, his gaze pinning hers. “I’ll take you,” he said, as though it were already decided.

“Take me where?”

“Pack your things,” he said, standing abruptly and shrugging into his coat.

She blinked up at him, startled. “What?”

“You’ve been sitting here for a week, and it’s obviously not working,” he said, his tone matter-of-fact. “Come on. We’re going to Hyde Park.”

Her instinct was to refuse, to laugh it off and tell him she didn’t have time for distractions. But something about the way he said it—firm, certain, like it wasn’t a question—made her pause.

She hesitated. “It’s snowing.”

“That’s the point.” He glanced at her notebook. “Unless you’d rather keep staring at blank pages?”

That stung, but he wasn’t wrong. With a sigh, she slid her notebook into her bag, slung her coat over her shoulders, and followed him out of the café.

The snow fell softly, brushing against her cheeks and clinging to her hair as they walked to the nearest tube station. She didn’t bother to ask where they were going—he’d already told her, and besides, she had the strange sense that she could trust him, at least for now.

The tube was chaos. She clutched the cold metal pole for balance, acutely aware of the press of strangers around her. He stood just ahead of her, perfectly at ease, one hand tucked into his coat pocket, the other resting casually on a strap above his head.

“This is…” She searched for the word.

“Overwhelming?” he offered, glancing back at her.

“Beautiful,” she said, surprising herself. The movement, the noise, the life—it was nothing like home, where everything felt static and predictable.

He smiled, just slightly, and she wondered if he’d expected her to say something else.

When they finally emerged from the station, Hyde Park lay spread out before them, its open paths blanketed in fresh snow. The lamplight made the flakes glisten, casting an almost magical glow over the scene. Families bundled in scarves and hats wandered by, their laughter carrying through the cold air. A few children darted across the snow, throwing snowballs and leaving behind trails of footprints.

She inhaled deeply, letting the crisp air fill her lungs. “This is perfect.”

“Told you,” he said, his voice low and teasing.

They walked in silence for a while, the only sounds the crunch of snow underfoot and the distant hum of the city. She found herself glancing at him more than once, studying the curve of his profile, the way his gaze seemed to take in everything and nothing all at once.

Finally, she broke the silence. “You’re not from here.”

He looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “What gave it away?”

“The accent,” she said with a small smile. “Australia?”

“Yeah.”

“So why aren’t you home for Christmas?”

He hesitated, his gaze flicking away toward the trees. “Work,” he said simply.

There was a weight to the word that she didn’t miss, but she didn’t press. Instead, she nodded. “Same.”

“Work?”

“I have a deadline,” she said. “And, honestly, I don’t really enjoy spending Christmas at home.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged, stuffing her hands deeper into her pockets. “It’s complicated.”

“Fair enough.” He didn’t push, and she was grateful for it.

They continued to talk as they reached one of the gates, she found out his name was Oscar and that he was the eldest of four - all sisters. That he liked London at Christmas but nothing felt better than summer at home.

She didn’t know much about him, but the parts she knew she liked.She turned to face him, her breath visible in the cold air.

“Here,” he said, pulling out his phone and holding it toward her. “Give me your number.”

She hesitated, then took it and typed in her name—just her first name—and her number before handing it back.

He smiled, sliding the phone into his coat. “I’ll message you. Same time tomorrow?”

“What for?”

“We’ll go somewhere else,” he said. “More people to watch.”

She laughed softly, shaking her head. “All right. Tomorrow.”

“Good,” he said, turning toward the street. “And hey—bring that notebook.”

He walked away then, disappearing into the glow of a nearby lamppost. She stood there for a moment longer, the snow falling lightly around her, before turning back toward the tube station.

When she got back to her hotel room, she barely remembered slipping out of her coat and scarf before reaching for her notebook. The page that had stayed blank for days now stared back at her, expectant, but the words finally came.

She wrote about Hyde Park, about the snow dusting the trees like powdered sugar, the children’s laughter mingling with the crisp air. She described the quiet magic of it, the feeling of walking beside someone who wasn’t a stranger but wasn’t yet familiar, either. She wrote about the way the city moved even in the stillness, as though it never quite paused to catch its breath.

By the time she put her pen down, the clock on the bedside table read past midnight, and her eyelids felt heavy. She was just about to turn off the bedside lamp when her phone buzzed.

Tomorrow. Same café. Tower Bridge.

She stared at the message for a moment, then smiled faintly, typing a quick reply.

Okay.

The next morning, she found him waiting at their usual café, his coffee already in hand. This time, he didn’t waste any words. With a nod toward the door, he led her out into the bright winter morning.

The tube ride to Tower Bridge was quieter this time, the rush of the city somehow softened by the lingering snow. She leaned against the cool glass of the window, watching the stations blur past, while he sat across from her, his eyes distant as if he were lost in thought.

When they finally emerged onto the bridge, the view stole her breath. The Thames stretched wide and glittering beneath them, the snow-covered rooftops of the city rising on either side. A faint breeze cut through the air, carrying with it the murmur of distant traffic and the occasional laugh of a passerby.

“Over here,” he said, gesturing to a bench overlooking the water.

They sat in easy silence, the cold biting at her cheeks as they watched the world unfold around them. Runners passed by, their breath visible in the air as their footsteps echoed on the pavement. Families ambled by, parents clutching the hands of toddlers bundled in bright coats, their faces red with the cold.

And then there were the couples—leaning close, sharing whispers and stolen kisses, moving through the snow-dusted streets as though nothing else existed.

She watched them longer than she meant to, a soft ache unfurling in her chest. She hadn’t thought about romance in a long time—not for herself, anyway. Writing about it was one thing, imagining love in all its sweeping, cinematic glory. But watching it here, in all its small, quiet moments, made her realise how far removed she felt from it.

“Good spot for people watching,” he said, breaking the silence.

She turned to him, surprised to find him watching her instead of the crowd. He had an easy, unreadable expression, but there was something in his eyes—curiosity, maybe, or understanding—that made her feel unsteady.

“It is,” she said softly, turning her gaze back to the bridge.

The bench shifted slightly as he leaned closer, and then she felt it—his arm, warm and solid, draping lightly over the back of the bench behind her. It wasn’t much, barely brushing her shoulders, but the warmth of it cut through the cold in a way she hadn’t expected.

For a moment, she let herself lean into it, just slightly, just enough to feel the quiet comfort of not being alone.

Her mind wandered as they sat there, the sound of the river mingling with the soft murmur of passersby. She could already feel the words taking shape, the scenes unfolding in her head—the way the light hit the water, the way couples moved through the world as if it were made just for them.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, the way his face softened as he watched the world move past. He didn’t say much, but she could feel the weight of his presence beside her, steady and grounding.

When she got back to her hotel later, she knew exactly what she’d write.

The days passed like pages of a book, each one filled with something unexpected. He didn’t ask her what she was doing tomorrow anymore—he simply texted her a time and a place, and she showed up. Each morning, they met at the café, where he’d already have his coffee, and then he’d whisk her away to some new corner of London.

On Tuesday, it was Covent Garden, where they wandered through the open market, listening to street musicians and watching shoppers bustle through the stalls. She watched a couple holding hands over steaming cups of mulled wine, their laughter bright against the cold air, and she jotted down notes in her notebook while he stood quietly beside her.

On Wednesday, they sat on a bench by the Serpentine in Hyde Park again, the water still and glassy beneath the pale winter sun. A group of friends threw breadcrumbs to a flock of ducks, their voices echoing over the water. She found herself leaning closer to him on the bench, the quiet between them no longer feeling like something to fill but something to savour.

Thursday brought them to Borough Market, where the air smelled of fresh bread and spiced cider. They stood in the crowd watching a vendor slice thick slabs of cheese for a customer, the chaos of the market swirling around them. “You see that guy over there?” he said, nodding toward a man balancing two grocery bags and a loaf of bread under his arm. “Think he’s a chef or just a guy with too many dinner parties?”

She laughed softly. “Dinner parties, definitely. He’s probably terrible at cooking, but his friends pretend it’s amazing.”

“I like that. You could use it in your book.”

“Maybe I will.”

By Friday, she stopped questioning his plans altogether. They spent the afternoon at Camden Lock, perched by the canal watching boats drift lazily by. They didn’t talk much, but when he rested his arm on the back of her chair, she didn’t move away. That night, when she returned to her hotel, she stayed up writing, the words pouring out of her with a kind of ease she hadn’t felt in months.

Saturday was Notting Hill, the pastel houses dusted with snow and the streets quiet in the early morning. They wandered down Portobello Road, pausing to watch a young family decorating their front stoop with twinkling lights.

“They’ll probably take them down on January first,” she murmured, watching the father lift his son onto his shoulders.

“Maybe not,” he said. “Some people like to hang onto things.”

She glanced at him, but he didn’t elaborate, and she didn’t ask.

By Sunday, the last day of the year, she realised how much these days had begun to mean to her. She woke up early, unable to sleep, and spent the morning writing, her pen racing across the pages. The world he’d shown her—the quiet moments, the people moving through the city in their own small orbits—was spilling onto the page in ways she hadn’t expected.

That evening, as the city prepared for New Year’s Eve, he texted her again. Meet me at the café. Tonight’s special.

She arrived to find him waiting outside, his breath visible in the cold air. He smiled when he saw her, and the warmth of it chased away the chill that had settled in her chest.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“You’ll see.”

They walked through the snow-dusted streets, the city alive with anticipation. Everywhere, people were gathering—couples arm in arm, friends laughing as they hurried to pubs and parties. The air was electric, charged with the anticipation of midnight, and she could feel it humming in her chest as they moved.

She glanced at her phone, the time glowing against the dark: 11:58 PM. Two minutes until the new year.

She stopped walking, her breath curling in front of her as she turned to look at him. He slowed, taking a step back toward her. “What is it?”

She didn’t answer right away, her heart beating a little too fast as her mind raced. For once, she didn’t want to overthink it. She was tired of going into every new year feeling like she’d missed out, of letting the weight of her family and her avoidance of Christmas follow her into January.

She wanted something to hold onto—a moment, a memory.

Her gaze flicked to his, steady and curious, and then she spoke before she could lose her nerve. “Can I kiss you?”

His brows lifted slightly, his surprise clear, but he didn’t step back. Instead, he searched her face, as if trying to make sense of her sudden shift.

“Kiss me?”

“It’s New Year’s,” she said softly, her voice almost lost in the cold air between them. “And I just… I don’t want to go into next year with the same old memories. I want—just one moment, something good. Something to hold onto.”

For a long moment, he didn’t say anything, and she felt her stomach twist, already preparing for rejection. But then he stepped closer, his breath warm against the chill of the night.

“Okay,” he said, so quietly she barely heard it.

The first firework exploded above them, a cascade of silver light that lit up the snow-dusted bridge. And then his hand came up, brushing gently against her cheek, and he kissed her.

It wasn’t soft, wasn’t hesitant. It was consuming, like the city itself had folded inward around them, leaving nothing but the warmth of his mouth on hers and the distant thunder of fireworks. Her hands found the front of his coat, gripping it as though letting go might undo the spell of the moment.

When he pulled back, her heart was racing, her breath unsteady. For a brief, dazzling moment, she thought this might actually be the start of something. But then his expression shifted, and she knew.

“I can’t,” he said quietly, stepping back just enough to let the cold air rush between them again.

Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean, you can’t?”

He exhaled, his hand sliding through his hair as his gaze dropped to the ground. “I can’t give you anything. This—us—it wouldn’t work.”

Her stomach sank. “Why not?”

He hesitated, and for a moment, she thought he might just walk away. But then he looked up, his expression conflicted. “I’m a Formula One driver,” he said, the words falling heavily between them.

She blinked, trying to piece together the sudden shift. “A…what?”

“Formula One,” he repeated, quieter this time. “I’m never in one place for long. My life is—it’s chaotic. It’s not fair to ask anyone to try to keep up with it.”

She stared at him, her mind scrambling to catch up. “And you weren’t going to tell me?”

“I didn’t think it mattered,” he said, his voice tight. “Not at first. You’re only here for a while, right? This was supposed to be…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

“A distraction,” she finished for him, bitterness creeping into her voice.

“No,” he said quickly. “Not like that. I just—I didn’t think it would get this far.”

She swallowed hard, the sting of his words cutting deeper than she’d expected. “So, that’s it? That’s the reason?”

“It’s not just a reason,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “It’s my life.”

Her chest felt heavy, like something inside her had collapsed. She looked at him, the way his jaw was tight, his eyes filled with something that might’ve been regret.

“We could try,” she said, hating the way her voice wavered.

He shook his head, his gaze dropping again. “It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Her throat tightened, and she looked away, swallowing against the lump rising there. The fireworks were still going off above them, but they felt distant now, as though they belonged to someone else’s story.

He stepped forward slightly. “I’ll walk you back to the café,” he offered quietly.

She shook her head. “No.”

“You shouldn’t—”

“I’ll be fine,” she cut him off, her voice sharper than she meant it to be.

For a moment, he just stood there, his expression unreadable. Then he nodded, stepping back. “Goodnight,” he said softly, before turning and walking away.

She stayed there for a moment, watching him disappear into the distance, before finally turning and walking back the way they’d co

The streets were alive with celebration—couples kissing beneath the fireworks, friends laughing and clinking glasses, strangers shouting “Happy New Year!” to anyone who’d listen. She walked through it all, alone, the cold seeping into her skin and the ache in her chest growing heavier with every step.

When she finally reached her hotel room, the city was quieting down, the last of the fireworks fading into the night. She closed the door behind her and sank onto the edge of the bed, staring at her notebook on the desk.

For the first time in days, she didn’t reach for it. Instead, she lay back and let the silence swallow her whole.

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

The airport was buzzing, as always. Crowds moving in every direction, the hum of conversation and the tinny voice of announcements echoing overhead. He’d been through so many terminals in so many cities that they all blurred together now—just another stop on the endless circuit of his life.

It was late afternoon, and he had time before his flight. A rare luxury. The race weekend in Austin had been exhausting, but he couldn’t even think about rest yet. His mind was elsewhere.

It had been months since London. Months since New Year’s Eve, since her. And still, she lingered. No matter how fast he drove, how far he travelled, she was there—in the quiet moments, in the cracks of his carefully controlled life.

He thought about her more than he wanted to admit. The way she’d leaned toward him on that bench by Tower Bridge. The way her voice had trembled when she’d asked if they could try, and the way he’d let her walk away. He told himself it was the right decision, the only decision. But that didn’t stop him from replaying it over and over, from wondering if he’d made a mistake.

As he walked through the terminal, his eyes caught on a bookstore tucked between gates. He wasn’t much of a reader—his schedule didn’t leave much room for it—but something about it drew him in.

The display at the front of the store was bright and eye-catching, a wall of bestsellers stacked high with glossy covers. His gaze skimmed over them idly, his thoughts elsewhere, until one caught his attention.

The title: Free Now.

And beneath it, a name. Her name.

He froze, the noise of the airport fading to a dull roar as he stared at the book. It didn’t seem real, seeing her name there in bold, shiny print, like a beacon pulling him in. Before he could stop himself, he reached for a copy, his hands almost unsteady as he turned it over to read the back.

The blurb was short, but it was enough:

"Two strangers meet in London over the holidays—a writer searching for inspiration, and a man running from the weight of his own life. For a week, they share the city, its magic, its quiet moments, and the pieces of themselves they never intended to give away. But some love stories don’t end with forever—they end with goodbye."

His chest tightened. The words hit too close, carving into him with a precision that felt deliberate. He flipped the book open, skimming through the pages. The characters weren’t them, not exactly, but it was their story—their conversations, their quiet moments, the snowfall in Hyde Park, the fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

Then his eyes landed on a line, and the ground beneath him seemed to shift.

"I was brave when I kissed you in London, but I wasn’t brave enough to ask you to stay."

He read it again, the words sinking in like a knife twisting in his chest.

She had been brave. And he hadn’t.

The truth of it hit him harder than he expected. He could see her so clearly in his mind—the way she’d looked at him that night, her eyes full of something raw and hopeful, something he’d been too afraid to meet. She’d asked for something simple, something honest, and he’d walked away, thinking he was doing the right thing.

But was it?

The overhead speaker crackled, announcing a boarding call for his flight. He didn’t move. The book was still in his hands, the weight of it anchoring him in place.

Months had passed since London, and yet here she was, writing the story they could never have. It was all there on the page—the longing, the heartbreak, the ache he couldn’t seem to shake no matter how fast he ran.

He closed the book gently, his hands lingering on the cover. For the first time in years, he wondered if maybe the life he’d built wasn’t enough. If maybe he’d made a mistake that couldn’t be undone.

The crowd around him moved, people brushing past without a second glance, but he stood there, rooted in place, staring at her name like it was a lifeline he couldn’t quite reach.

She’d been brave. And now he wondered if he ever could be.

Before he could even stop himself, or take a minute to mull the idea over, he took his phone out and opened up Instagram. He hesitated for half a second before finding her Instagram.

oscarpiastri: hey

the end.

taglist: @sheblogs @iamred-iamyellow

[reomikagekin]

Maybe alnst characters w/ a reader who self harms (IF THIS ISNT SOMETHING YOUD DO IM REALLY SORRY AND YOU CAN JUST IGNORE IT!!)

Ofc i can do one hehe! You didn't specify which characters so I just did all of them if you wanna ask for specific characters js my check my pinned post😌 and keep the requests coming hehe

Some tw?: self harm mention

Starlight in the Dark

You thought you were good at hiding it.

The long sleeves, the careful positioning of your wrists, the smiles you forced when the cameras were on. In a competition where every move was scrutinized, you had mastered the art of deflection. But some people are too perceptive for their own good.

Ivan

He notices first. Not because you told him—he just pays too much attention. At first, it’s subtle: he watches you a little too closely, lingers when you adjust your sleeves. Then, one night, he corners you backstage, his usual smile in place but his eyes unreadable.

"Why do you do it?" His voice is unsettlingly soft. You freeze. "It’s not fair," he murmurs, brushing his fingers over your wrist, "if you want attention, you should just ask for mine."

Ivan isn’t gentle in his approach. His obsession with you makes his concern overwhelming, suffocating. He offers solutions in the way he knows best—giving you all of him, demanding all of you in return. If he can be the reason you stop, he’ll take it.

Till

Till is different. He’s the one who doesn’t force you to talk, doesn’t pressure you to explain. When he notices the fading scars, the too-tight grip on your sleeve, his response is quiet.

"It must hurt a lot," he says one evening, hesitant but genuine.

You expect pity, but there’s none. Just understanding. He won’t pry, won’t push, but he stays. His presence alone is comforting—like a steady heartbeat in the chaos of the competition.

Mizi

Mizi cries when she finds out. Not in front of you, but later, when she thinks you’re not looking. She’s too honest, too open to hide the way it breaks her heart.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" Her voice wavers, and her hands tremble when she takes yours.

She doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t know how to fix this. But she wants to, more than anything. From then on, she holds your hand tighter, smiles brighter, as if sheer willpower alone can replace the pain you carry.

Sua

Sua doesn’t say anything when she sees the scars. No gasps, no lectures, no pity-filled glances.

Instead, she sits beside you and starts talking about nothing—the competition, the lights, the way the audience stares at her when she’s on stage.

"It’s funny," she says idly, "how people never really see what’s right in front of them."

There’s an unspoken understanding. She won’t force you to stop, won’t tell you what you should do. But she’ll be here. Always.

Hyuna

Hyuna is heartbroken. She’s affectionate by nature, but now? Now she refuses to leave your side.

"You’re not going anywhere alone anymore, got it?" she declares, pouting.

She clings to you—grabbing your wrist (gently, always gently), throwing an arm around your shoulder, demanding your attention in the most Hyuna way possible.

"You’re my favorite person," she says with all the sincerity in the world. "And I don’t like seeing my favorite person sad."

Luka

Luka is the one who doesn’t bring it up directly.

Instead, he subtly alters his performances, choosing songs that speak to pain, to survival, to resilience. It’s deliberate, just like everything he does.

"You’re stronger than you think," he murmurs after one such performance.

His words aren’t meant to soothe—they’re a challenge. A dare. And somehow, that helps.

Dewey & Isaac

They’re softer with you after they find out. Dewey still teases, still grins, but it’s less sharp, more careful.

"You know," he says casually, tossing a snack at you, "if you need a distraction, we could always cause some chaos."

Isaac, meanwhile, doesn’t joke about it. He just stays close—offering an easy presence, a quiet sort of support that doesn’t need words.

Hyunwoo

Hyunwoo is the one who outright tells you that you deserve better.

"You don’t have to do this alone," he says, voice steady, gaze warm.

He doesn’t try to stop you—he just makes sure you know that he’s there. That he’ll always be there.

They all react differently.

Some with softness, some with intensity, some with quiet understanding. But one thing is clear:

You are not alone. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to keep going.

Hehe credits for the divider: @vastpostin

If you're currently struggling with self harm, you are not alone!! You're so strong and I believe in you. Get some help from other people so you don't feel alone.