#I recognize so much of all the stuff my environment told me as a kid | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chasingpj · 4 years ago

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𝐔𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐳𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬

"I might spread a rumor about you and Percy rendezvousing at midnight. The Aphrodite cabin will have a hoot with that one."

pairing: percy jackson x child of hecate!reader

words: 4,931

warnings: none

timeline: post sea of monsters

if you want to be tagged every time I update this story, click here

a/n: hi hi! this is part one of a self-insert series I'm working on. in this story, y/n is a child of hecate, and this storyline follows the books. the current timeline here is post sea of monsters and will continue through the Heroes of Olympus books. though it follows the original plot, y/n has her own storyline and quests. i tried to make y/n gender-neutral but as I continued to work on the timeline for this project, i had decided that this fic is for a fem reader. guys, this is really just me projecting my fantasy into fanfiction lol. i feel like this is a slow start?? and there is a lot of info dumped in this so bear with me. it'll get better and I'll be working to improve my writing as the series continues. I was on a writing hiatus for a really long time and I'm out of practice so this is my way to get back and hopefully, exceed the skills I had when I was a consistent writer. anyways, if you have any feedback, let me know! I'd love to hear what you think. as i get deeper into the series, i might ask for some suggestions on what to do with the fic. anyways, i'll stop rambling and i hope you like it!

Part One Part Two

You ignore the aching in your neck as your focus is fixed on the herbology book in front of you. You’ve been seated at your desk for Zeus knows how long reading and taking notes in your Book of Shadows, determined to finish reading it as fast as possible. Your half-brother, Alabaster, insisted that you need to memorize all the herbs and their properties before he can properly teach you how to use them in potions. Even though you understand its importance, you hated introductory work. You are itching to get to the real stuff, resulting in you glued to your chair, studying through the night as your cabin mates were fast asleep in their beds. But as determined as you are, Ambrose, your familiar, wasn’t much help. Ambrose whines as he rubs his head against your legs like a needy kitten, making it difficult to ignore him.

“What is it, Ambrose?” You whisper, sitting back in your chair in defeat. You take a second to massage the back of your sore neck before turning to face the translucent hound sitting attentively at your side. His tail sweeps the floor as it wags excitedly, and a short huff leaves his snout as if he was proud to have finally gotten your attention.

Your eyes meet his, racking your mind to figure out what Ambrose needs to tell you. At first, you thought he wanted to play, but you didn’t have time for that, so you decided to ignore him. Usually, after being ignored for a while, Ambrose will give up, finding something else to occupy him. But tonight, he was particularly persistent, and he’s only like this when he needs to tell you something.

Before you can ask what he wanted again, Ambrose gets up from his seated position, running over to the small table that stands beside your bed. You furrow your eyebrows, the first thing you notice when you walk over are your crystals neatly placed in front of your spell books as usual. Seeing them made you suddenly remember what you had planned to do.

You had told Ambrose to remind you to charge your crystals and collect water from the lake since there is a full moon tonight and of course, Ambrose being your loyal companion, did exactly that. Before looking down at the hound, who now is breathing heavily, his tail somehow wagging faster than before, you smile to yourself.

“I told you to remind me earlier, didn’t I?” Ambrose snorts and runs around your feet enthusiastically. You couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement as you reached down to pat his head. “Good boy. What would I do without you?” You continue to praise him, grabbing a black pouch and carefully placing the crystals in it. You put your index finger to your lips, signaling Ambrose to be a little quieter despite his excitement. If he accidentally wakes anyone up, then you definitely weren’t going to be able to fulfill your plans.

You bite your bottom lip as you tiptoe out of the aisle between the bunks. You look around the notoriously cramped Hermes Cabin to make sure your assumption that everyone was asleep by now was correct. It wasn’t hard to make out the faces of your cabin mates since seeing clearly in the dark was one of your many gifts, so you carefully walked along the bunks, being as quiet as you could. You are especially cautious as you approach the front where your cabin leaders, the Stoll brothers, slept. You study them for a second, knowing for sure Travis was asleep since he was snoring and loudly at that. Before you can check if Connor is asleep, you hear him shifting in his bed. You stand frozen in your spot, hesitantly looking over and you were expecting to be met with the usual mischievous grin. Instead, his back was towards you now. You have a feeling in your gut that he wasn't asleep, the timing of his moving was much too convenient. You really didn't want to wait any longer though so you decide that you might as well leave before he could stop you.

You turn on your heels, walking over to the window before you push it open. You cringe softly as the hinges creak, and you look back at the cabin to double-check if anyone has woken up from the sound. You sigh in relief when you see no one has moved, and you turn back to the window, carefully crawling out of it. This wasn’t unusual for you. You’ve done this so many times that using windows as a mode of exiting and entering a room was as natural to you as walking in and out of a door, and soon you were hopping down onto the grass. Your back is pressed against the cabin as you walk the side of it. You look up at the trees and the sky, eyes scoping around for any harpies hanging around. After deeming that you were alone, you begin making your way to the lake, Ambrose walking by your side attentively and cautiously to make sure you are safe.

The night was clear; the stars and especially the moon shone brightly in the sky. You sigh softly, taking in the stillness of the night, admiring the glistening lake reflecting the full moon placed above it. You’ve always enjoyed how quiet and cool the nights were, preferring it more than the daytime.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t avoid it as much as you wish to. Most of your siblings can agree with you that they’d prefer to sleep in most days so that they can study and practice their magic at night. However, that wasn’t the schedule of the Hermes Cabin. It was pretty impossible to sleep in since the mornings were always hectic. In fact, the cabin was just hectic, period. There was always something going on, whether it was an elaborate prank or the guys arguing over who gets to shower first after coming back from training which usually resulted in an intense game of rock, paper, scissors. You can’t say that you didn’t like it; at least you were entertained.

You also always had someone to talk to, and because there were often new campers coming in and out of there, you have easily familiarized yourself with a lot of the kids at camp. However, like your mother, you did enjoy and yearn for the occasional periods of solitude. As fun as living with the Hermes kids was, you and your siblings did find yourselves getting a little irritable at their shenanigans. It was at those times, you did wish that your mother, Hecate, had a designated cabin.

You and your siblings had always said if they ever got a cabin of their own, they would make sure everyone had separate rooms and would have designated spaces to socialize and practice their magic so that it was quiet for the most part. Alabaster, especially, was really passionate about this topic. He complained how it didn’t make sense that your mother wasn't recognized since you and your siblings were a powerful little bunch. You all needed a space to practice your magic and practice preferably at night since you were the most powerful at that time of day; you were also less prone to making mistakes in your spell casting at night. You agreed with him and would get upset about it sometimes, but the Hermes Cabin was a place you considered to be a second home. The communal feel of the space was something you enjoyed, it was one of the few places where you felt fully accepted which was rare to find being a demi-god with abilities like yours. In return to the Hermes Cabin welcoming you with open arms, you accept the inconveniently loud environment as an admirable quirk and went on with your days.

Then to compensate for the lack of silence and solitude, you would often stay up late, taking advantage of the quiet to focus on your studies. Even if you had to sacrifice the amount of sleep you got, you felt like it was worth it.

It doesn’t take you long to arrive at the dock, sitting down close to the end with your legs folded under you. You first collect lake water in a jar before carefully taking out the pouch's crystals. Assuming you had only a few left in the pouch after laying most of them on the dock, you tilt it with your hand under it, only for the crystals to come out all at once. You fumble, hands trying to bring them to your chest, but with your luck, one of your crystals falls right into the water with a plop.

“Dammit!” You peer over the edge and groan, Ambrose whining at your misfortune as he stands beside you. You look down at the water, noticing Ambrose’s and your dim reflection in it. There was no way you could get that crystal now because you didn't know how to swim, and you consider that maybe tomorrow you can convince your twin brother, Atticus, to look for it or Alabaster if Atticus refused, which you were expecting him to.

Your breath hitches at the back of your throat, jumping back as a head of dark hair abruptly pops up from right where you were staring. Ambrose barks loudly next to you, equally as startled, and your eyes widen. You stand up hastily at the realization that Ambrose's loud barks in the dead of night will catch the attention of the harpies, and right now, that was more important to you than the mysterious person that just sprouted up in the water like a zombie coming out of a grave.

“Shush! Ambrose, quiet!” Your frantic command was enough to make him stop with a whine, and you sigh shakily, turning towards the camp to check if there were any harpies.

“I think you dropped something.” Ambrose moves in front of you protectively, a low growl coming from his chest as he cautiously studies the person. You look back where the voice came from and to your surprise and your relief, you find that the mysterious person in the lake was no other than Percy Jackson. You never had a conversation with him before, but you definitely knew about him. It was kind of hard not to know who he is since he’s been the talk of the camp since he’s arrived. Your thoughts about him weren’t any different from most of the camp. You’ve seen him fight and use his powers during capture the flag, and you were just as impressed as everyone else. You did have to admit that you found him to be pretty cute too. His eyes were gorgeous, clear, and bright like a shallow, cyanic sea. You also found it adorable how his hair always looked a little disheveled.

Your (e/c) eyes met Percy’s green ones before looking at your rose quartz in his hand. You smile sheepishly, noticing the amused look on his face.

“Ah, yeah, that’s mine.” You walk over to him, but as you get closer, so does Ambrose, and his growls get louder. "Ambrose, heel. It's okay," you say softly, and he stops in his place, but his stance is still at alert, his eyes watching Percy cautiously. You pat Ambrose's head before walking past him and over to Percy. "Thanks," you smile, taking your rose quartz from his hand.

"No problem… I don't think your ghost dog likes me," Percy jokes, moving to look past your legs at Ambrose, who’s standing tall on your left side.

"Yeah, well, you kinda scared the crap out of us," you point out, amused. You take in Percy's goofy smile as he pulls himself up from the water, and you notice that he’s completely dry as he settles on the edge before turning his body to look at you.

“It’s y/n, right?” He asks, and you nod, figuring he’s probably heard about you in passing from Connor and Travis since he was friends with them too. “What are you doing out here so late?"

"I could ask you the same thing," you retort playfully, making him smile. You move to sit down where you were standing. You spread the crystals neatly on the wood, making a mental note to get them before you go to bed.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came out here to hang out, but then a hippocampus swam up. One of its friends got stuck in a fisher's net not too far from here, so I went to help," he explains, and you nod. "I told you my excuse, so what's yours?"

You hum, "It's a full moon out tonight, so I thought I should take my crystals out. I also needed moon water for a potion, so I collected some for that," you point over at the big mason jar full of lake water. "It’s not as cool as your excuse,” you say playfully.

A short laugh comes from Percy, and when you look up from your crystals, you notice he was looking at Ambrose again, who was still in his tense stance. Ambrose was especially protective of you and Atticus, and it wasn’t unusual for him to be cautious of the new people you come across. You assumed that Ambrose was particularly tense with Percy since he had successfully caught you both by surprise.

"Ambrose, relax.” You pat the top of his head to soothe him. "Lay down." Ambrose whines, licking your hand affectionately for a little, and you can tell he was still uneasy about the other. He was hesitant, but he follows your command anyway, laying down with his head on your lap.

"You can touch him?" Percy asks, his eyes wide and curious as he watches you pet Ambrose.

"Yeah, I can touch ghosts in general. My mother is Hecate, goddess of necromancy, along with magic, the night and the moon," you tell him. "This is Ambrose. My mother gifted him to me to be my familiar, kinda like a guardian." You look down at the hound, smiling softly as you scratch behind his ear softly.

Ambrose is a burly Molossian Hound who lived in the time of Alexander The Great. From what your father told you, his breed was well valued in Ancient Greek and Roman times and was often used in war. It is easy to understand why the breed was used in war. Ambrose is huge and muscular, about 6 feet tall when he stands on his hind legs, and he weighs around 200 pounds. At first, Ambrose can come off as a little intimidating. You remember how your siblings had avoided him when you first arrived at camp before they realized that he was the clearest definition of a gentle giant. Even though he was trained to fight when he was alive, he was still as gentle as a well-trained house dog unless he was given a reason not to be.

"When did you get him?" Percy asks, his eyes focusing on Ambrose’s translucent body that looked like it is made up of this gray swirling vapor. He couldn’t exactly wrap his head around how Ambrose’s head was comfortably propped up on your thigh.

"We met on the night I was on my way to Camp so about 2 years ago. Without him, my brother and I probably would have never made it to the borders.” You look up at Percy, meeting his eyes again; you watch as his face softens as he shifts to lean back on his hand.

"Really?" You hum and nod, ready to drop the conversation there, thinking you shouldn’t bore him with the details. You didn’t really like talking about it much, but the way he was looking at you made you feel like he was inviting you to continue talking.

"We got separated from our father at the gas station a couple of miles away from here. He went inside the convenience store to get us snacks, and while he was in there, a cyclops had found us, tried to grab us out of his car. We jumped out and ran into the woods nearby," you explain as you look out at the dark horizon.

You remember the sound of your father yelling after you and Atticus and how it broke your heart hearing, for the first time, such despair in his voice. You knew your dad didn’t want to bring you guys to camp, but he knew it was in Atticus’s and your best interest to come here and be with other people like you guys.

When you and Atticus started developing your powers, your father had simply told you guys that you were special and to refrain from using your telekinesis anywhere else but home. He didn’t say anything more until one night, you and Atticus had gotten in a screaming match about a reason you don’t even remember. However, in your screaming match, the both of you were so angry that a green aura had formed around you both, and books, magazines, even cutlery were being flown across the room because of the sheer energy you were admitting as a unit. It was then your father had decided to take you and Atticus to the camp to control and learn about your powers before you guys destroyed the house over a dumb argument like who’s turn is it to have the TV remote.

"We were more concerned about the monster hurting our dad, so we decided on a whim to run in the forest. My brother and I have telekinesis powers, and I aimed well enough to send a rock right at the cyclops eye. We lost him a little after that, but we didn't know where we were. We made too many twists and turns; we had no idea what direction we came from. And then, this buddy appeared out of nowhere from a distance. I saw him glowing from far away and couldn’t make out what he was, but I felt that I had to follow him. So we did, and he got us to camp with no detours for any other monsters. He's been with me ever since," you say, and a low whine comes from Ambrose’s mouth as he nuzzles the side of his face on your thigh contentedly.

Percy nods, and he huffs softly, "You guys got lucky. How old were you and your brother when you got to camp?"

"12, we're twins. We actually got here a couple of weeks after you did,” you mention. You watch Percy’s mouth curve into a half-smirk.

“Wow," he says, amused, and shakes his head. “So you have a twin and a dead dog, no fair," he jokes. You giggle, rolling your eyes playfully,

"Oh please, and you have crazy water powers. You’re completely dry after swimming! I think that's pretty envy-worthy."

"Hey-,” he shrugs, taking a second as if to form a protest. “I guess you're right,” he admits and laughs. You laugh with him, opening your mouth to say something else but unfortunately, you were interrupted by a screech echoing in the distance.

Both you and Percy stand up quickly, trying to figure out which direction it came from. “The harpies,” you both mutter in unison. You bend down to grab your things, and you look at Ambrose.

"Go distract them, bud," you tell him, and Ambrose jumps up to his feet, and you watch as he runs away, barking to get their attention. Just then, you see the wings of the Harpies coming up from the trees of the forest. You turn to Percy, grabbing his hand quick,

“Incantare: Transpectus!" You exclaim confidently, closing your eyes to envision you and Percy becoming transparent on the dock. You've never tried doing this spell before, but you've gotten better at visualizing and setting intentions, so you had some hope in yourself. You open your eyes, not feeling any different, and you hoped that you just didn't make a fool of yourself in front of Percy. But when you look down at your hand hesitantly and notice it was hard to make out since you were see-through like glass, you sigh in relief. You smile to yourself, more than satisfied that you were able to pull that off.

"Woah, are we invisible?" You look over at Percy, able to see him just fine since he was under the spell with you. Percy looks down at himself, eyes widened as he processes he can’t see his body anymore. You observe him for a second, finding it cute how he looked surprised and obviously entertained at the fact that he was completely see-through. You feel yourself growing a little flustered, trying not to focus too much on the fact that you were holding hands with him.

"Something like that. C'mon, it won’t last too long," you whisper, and your grip around his hand tightens as you guys begin running to his cabin. You hear the harpies screeching in frustration as they swoop down to try and grab Ambrose, only for their claws to go right through him. While the harpies were growing more annoyed, Ambrose, on the other hand, was having way too much fun, running in circles and barking at them as if he’s teasing.

"Man, I wish I had a ghost dog," you hear Percy mutter behind you as you arrive at the steps of his cabin.

"Yeah, Ambrose is pretty great," you admit, watching him play with the harpies before shifting your gaze over to Percy. "Thanks for getting the crystal for me." As much as you wanted to stay talking to him, you knew you couldn't stay too long. You were still eager to finish studying, and Ambrose can only hold off the harpies for so long.

"It was no problem. It was on my way up anyways," he shrugs, and you smile, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling in your stomach. You look down, the two of you still holding hands even though the spell wore off already. You awkwardly let go of his hand, shifting on your feet.

"Well, I'll see you around," you say sheepishly, fiddling with your fingers.

"Yeah, I'll see you.” His hand comes up in an awkward wave. You nod, returning the wave. Your eyes meet Percy’s green ones one more time before turning on your heels and walking down the steps of his cabin. You notice that Ambrose is now long gone into the forest, taking the harpies with him to give you time to rush to the other side where your cabin is.

As you hurry back to your cabin, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you replayed the interaction you just had with Percy, and you couldn't help but wonder when would be the next time you could talk to him.

You carefully hoist yourself up, climb back into the cabin through the window, sighing softly once you get in. You slowly close the window, your face scrunching at the creaking sound, but you successfully get it closed before turning around, only to be faced with Connor Stoll standing a few feet away with his arms crossed over his chest. You gasp loudly, almost dropping the mason jar in your hand, being startled for the second time tonight.

“Oh, look who’s back,” he says, his lips pulled in his usual mischievous smirk, his right eyebrow raised as if he's suspicious of you. You shift, giggling nervously under his graze,

"Hey, Con.” Shit. You knew he wasn’t asleep, and a part of you wasn’t surprised that he had caught you sneaking out again. You weren’t too worried since Connor wasn’t one to be strict or easily angered, neither was Travis, but you can understand if he did get a little upset with you since the cabin could also get in trouble, and he worried about you getting hurt.

"You leave so often, I'm starting to think you're seeing someone," he teases, and you furrow your eyebrows, not really sure what he was trying to get at.

"I'm not seeing anyone. You know what I do when I sneak out," you tell him, putting your hand out to show him the jar full of water. After being caught the first couple of times, you had explained to Connor why you occasionally needed to head out at night. He was understanding of your reasons, telling you to try and not sneak out as often. When he did catch you, he always kept your outings secret. It came with a price, though. You were sometimes stuck doing extra chores, especially anything that had to do with cleaning, since he hated doing anything that had to do with mopping or sweeping.

"So that wasn't you and Percy on the dock?" Your eyes widen, and you feel your face get hot again. You shake your head, stumbling over your words for a second.

"Uh… n- that was a coincidence!" You hear him snort, laughing quietly as if he didn't believe you. Even though he couldn't see your facial expression very well in this lighting, he can still tell how flustered you were at his sudden question.

"Yeah, sure," he says sarcastically, and he hums, "Anyways, what are you going to do for me so that I don't tell on you?" He asks, and your mouth drops open. Usually, he wasn't so forward, and he never threatened to tell on you. "I might spread a rumor about you and Percy rendezvousing at midnight. The Aphrodite cabin will have a hoot with that one."

You gasp, "Connor, are you blackmailing me right now?" You narrow your eyes at him, and he shrugs,

"I guess you can say I am." You shake your head, walking over to your desk to put down your moon water before turning toward him and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

"... what do you want?" You ask, expecting him to make you take up one of his chores. But from the way he was smiling at you, you can tell that there was something more he wanted, and you were beginning to worry.

"Help me turn the Ares Cabin into bunnies," he says, and you shake your head frantically,

"No way! Clarisse will kill me," you whisper. Connor smiles,

"No, she won't. She can't kill you if she's a bunny," he points out, and your face falls flat,

"They're not gonna stay bunnies forever," you say, and you fiddle with your fingers nervously at the idea of the outrage you'd get from the Ares Cabin after shifting back from being bunnies. "I don't know, Con. I don't even know if I can turn all of them into bunnies at once."

Connor waves his hand at you, dismissing your concern. "I don't care for the logistics now. We can work on that later, but you have to agree to at least help me," he says. "Or I'm telling everyone I saw you smooching Percy on the dock."

"What!? We didn't even kiss. We talked for like 5 minutes!" You whisper-yell, your reactions much too entertaining for him, and he was having a hard time holding in his laugh.

"Your decision, y/n."

You sigh, throwing your head back. You look at the ceiling for a second as you consider your two choices. And you decide that getting your head potentially put on a stick by Clarisse was better than the burning embarrassment of Percy thinking you're spreading rumors about kissing him. "Fine, whatever. I'll help you do the bunny thing," you mumble, your shoulders slouched.

Connor nods with a proud smile on his face for trapping you into helping him. "Good choice. I will be going back to sleep now. Good night… again," he announces, turning on his heels and walking over to his bed. You frown a little as you walk back to your desk to study. Plopping down onto your chair, you decide that you’ll worry about Connor’s little plan later so you can focus on your studying. After a while, Ambrose comes trotting in, joining you by the desk as usual. You smile at him, praising the other for distracting the harpies for you before he lays down, his head laying on your foot.

As you study, you find that you couldn’t help your mind drifting back to Percy once and a while. You deem that there was no way that you could have a crush on him since you guys have only spoken once. In the midst of your internal debate to decide what you felt for him, you suddenly remember the crystal that was retrieved for you. You remember how Percy presented it to you, holding it out for you with his fingertips. It was your rose quartz. What a coincidence. You smile, rolling your eyes as you tell yourself that you’re thinking too much into it. You look over, noticing the dim illuminating light of the beginning sunrise shining through the curtains. You sigh, deciding that you should probably get to sleep and take advantage of the maybe, four hours of sleep you’ll get tonight. You close your herbology book before making your way to your bed, and with a soft sigh, you retreat under the covers, and finally, you surrender to your drowsiness.

masterlist

#percy jackson x reader #percy x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #connor stoll #pjo x reader #percy jackson fanfiction #percy jackson fic #slow burn #friends to lovers #connor stoll x reader #percy jackson oneshot #pjo #my writing

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that-goth-lokean · 2 years ago

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This post is going to talk about death, cancer, loss of a family member, religion, and cults. If you are triggered by any of this please scroll past this.

This has taken a lot courage to say, but I was in a cult, and I’m not talking about the Church. I will admit that in this post I am going to go over the basics of what happened, please understand that things were much deeper, but right now, I can say, is not the time for it. I was once in a lokean cult. I unfortunately did not see the warning signs and had to go through a lot of healing before I could even think of beginning to post this.

About two years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and she had only months to live. At the time I was posting comedy stuff online about being a lokean and working with Loki when an admin for a Discord server found my account and we started talking. He invited me to the server and for once I found myself in a group of people that made me felt heard and understood. Unfortunately he became ostracized and banned along with another admin, sadly I didn’t recognize that this would become a trend with the cult leaders. Eventually I became an admin and trust person in the server and cult. I was in a way the mother figure for a lot of the minors who were in this cult and server. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, these people targeted minors, mainly neurodivergent minors who lived in hostile and abusive environments. The leaders began to limit what we could discuss and materials we used to read and research claiming that it was all too christianized and that it none of it would truly explore Loki and him as a deity. As all of this was happening my grandmother succumbed to her cancer and died. Like many I fled to my practice to grieve and mourn, this is when I was started being taken advantage of. There were mandatory meetings and when I spoke to make suggestions I was told that that wasn’t what Loki wanted. That Loki spoke through these leaders and that he was doing his will through their bodies. At this point I realized it was time to run, and so did a few of the minors in this group. Many of them reached out and unfortunately one was their next target. Their new target was not only the most kind and sweetest kid in the group, but also the most devoted. They began to out him and ostracize him. At that point I was demoted from admin and was also a suspect of going against Loki and his will. I quickly created a safe space for all of the kids and quickly told them to evacuate and that we were not gonna drink this koolaid. This all happened in the span of a year, and in that same year I had taken my godspousing oath to Loki. I was hurt and betrayed so easily and so were these kids. I worked to recover with my faith as I had tried in the past when I lost other family members and begged Loki for a sign. A very specific sign that I knew could be him, and it came the next day. I spent countless hours crying and in pain because of these people and I knew it wasn’t Loki’s will they were doing. I struggled for the last 8 months recovering, and learned a lot about cults, cult behavior and cult practices and have shared it in hopes that no one else gets tangled up in a cult. Especially like this one. Unfortunately anything can be twisted and bastardized into a cult and turned into something as volatile as this was. Please, if you suspect someone you love is in a cult and is in danger please give them a safe space and remember that this can happen to kids too. Don’t judge them and don’t criticize, provide them with love, support and a safe space to heal. Please don’t fall victim, and know that it’s okay to practice alone.

#cult #cult survivor #lokean #loki laufeyjarson #all religions #know the signs #leaving #triggering themes #loss of a loved one #cancer #death #targeting groups #lokean cult #digital cult

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hollypunkers · 4 years ago

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reasons Mako is really really great and should be appreciated so much for how he raised Bolin coming from just watching Republic City Hustle:

He made robbing people fun. It was a necessity, and clearly a dangerous way to live but their only choice, so he not only clearly picks a target that isn’t a threat but turns it into a game where Bolin can play the Good Guy and fool around, be a hero, and have fun.

In that same vein, with almost every chance he gets he compliments Bolin (“nice grab little brother” etc. a trait he continues until adulthood with people he cares about, it’s stilted and awkward later but clearly Mako’s trying) this is probably why Bolin’s confidence is basically through the roof.

Bolin recognized Toza and calls him his “hero” indicating he has been to pro-bending matches before, later we see them both working at the match while Mako has to remind Bolin he is working too. Mako also doesnt recognize Toza on sight. I think it’s safe to imply Bolin working with Mako is new (some evidence for that later as well) and Mako would normally work while letting Bolin have a fun night watching the matches.

Bolin is sad to see his hero lose, Mako tries to reiterate a lesson that basically boils down to “they wouldnt help us, why should we care?” It’s a lesson that rings true for Mako, the caretaker, but doesn’t for Bolin because Bolin always had Mako and knows what it’s like to be cared for.

When Shady Shin threatens to send them back to the streets Mako’s first instinct is to give Bolin a reassuring pat on the back and tell him not to worry.

While Bolin is doing his antics we always see Mako just behind him, watching and keeping an eye out. The only time he isn’t is when it is implied Mako was doing some work on his own (after Bolin got mad) and Bolin snuck away, after which Mako immediately finds Bolin the moment he’s in danger to save him.

Bolin wants an adorable pet, Mako immediately tells him “No. The last thing we need is one more mouth to feed.” Again, Mako as the parent having to juggle being the good guy and the bad guy, taking all the responsibility of caring for them on his own shoulders. And he has a point. Mako is clearly struggling just to keep Bolin and himself fed (“We didn’t eat anything yesterday.”) and the last thing they need is a pet.

Bolin begs Mako (typical kid stuff wanting a pet “aw he’s so cute!” “Ple-ease??”) and is suprised it doesn’t work and sad when Mako tells him to toughen up. Bolin begging is interesting because it tells us it often probably works, Mako giving Bolin what he asks for; and in this instance Bolin is very much acting like any normal child while once again Mako is the (reasonable) parent.

From what I inferred earlier where Bolin helping with the work being new, Mako has just started to get Bolin into this criminal world with the Triple Threats and is clearly worried Bolin is too soft for it, while at the same time interestingly never brings up how Bolin is five years older than Mako was when Mako started taking care of them. I think one of the arcs of this series was Mako realizing Bolin, because of who he was and how sheltered he’d been, couldn’t survive in the same environment Mako was. Mako has earned the respect of Shady Shin, meanwhile Bolin can’t even handle this one job. (Mako, a pragmatist, realizes by the end that if Bolin stayed in this work he’d have to become more like Mako, and so Mako takes the out Toza offers.)

Bolin. Is. An. Optimist. Bolin grew up living on the streets, hungry and poor, and he’s an optimist. Why? Just jump back to the scene with Shady Shin where the moment things seems scary Mako immediately reassures Bolin. Mako is hypersensitive to Bolin’s emotions, even when chastizing him he falls back to a kind voice and explains why, so it’s no small leap to say Bolin always thinks things are going to turn out okay because that’s what Mako has told him his whole life.

“Maybe I’m not as mean as you! Maybe I just can’t turn my back on people when they’re down!” Bolin calls Mako mean and uncaring, and Mako.... sighs. He doesn’t respond, just takes it in, lets Bolin have his emotions and even say cruel things to him and just internalizes it and leaves it alone.

Mako weirdly knows exactly how to handle a dangerous snake. I don’t know what this means. Either he has experience or it’s pure Mom Instinct where he sees Bolin in trouble and just wrangles a dangerous snake and flings it back into its cage in seconds.

Mako relents on the Pabu business right after Bolin puts himself in danger to save the animal and Bolin gives him puppy dog eyes (also after Bolin called him mean). Maybe he thinks having a pet can teach Bolin responsibility, or maybe he doesn’t want Bolin to think he’s mean, either way, Mako knows it’s not a great idea to have a pet but still gives up, apparently not able to say no to Bolin twice.

Bolin never apologizes or is asked to apologize for calling Mako mean and uncaring. In fact, considering the sequence of events, Mako is the one who apologizes by letting Bolin keep Pabu even though by all accounts Mako was right not to want a pet. When Mako does admonish Bolin it’s only in ways Bolin needs to act in order to survive, otherwise Mako seems unwilling to defend himself or make Bolin change in any way. (Mako models this type of forgiveness despite being the wronged party which interestingly, Bolin shows later throughout LoK and it is something people love about him, but the origins are here, coming from Mako.)

“You really have a habit of getting in stupid situations” Mako tells Bolin, indicating this type of behavior, Bolin getting in trouble and Mako coming to save him, happens a lot. (Even in the end, Mako finds out Bolin bet all their money on a fixed match, like c’mon Bolin.) Bolin just says “I know” and Mako leaves the conversation at that without rubbing it in. A surprising amount of maturity for a fifteen year old.

Bolin can’t keep his mouth shut and gets them in trouble, shouting and excited during the match; as Mako looks embarrassed and worried, another indication that this, Bolin being present with the Triads, is a recent development and a clear indicator Mako was right telling Bolin to toughen up or he wouldn’t survive, as they instantly find themselves running and fighting for their lives.

“Can we, Mako? Mako, can we? Mako, please!” Mako is so explicitly the parent to Bolin it’s sad. He is fifteen, he’s been on his own with Bolin since he was eight and literally witnessed his parents die, and throughout the series we see him comforting Bolin, suppressing his own emotions, and being a parent over and over again. Meanwhile Bolin acts like a child, who had a normalish childhood, who plays games and laughs and is optimistic and confident and wants a pet, so despite everything they went through, and how hard it was, Mako was clearly a very good parent to Bolin.

Shady Shin miscalculates in the end by telling Mako “don’t go soft on me”, the same thing Mako was telling Bolin; which goes all the way back to my earlier point that Mako knows Bolin won’t last as a Triad and needs something else. “I do have to take care of my brother, and I think this is what’s best for him.” There, explicitly, the only reason they become pro-benders is because Mako thinks it’s right for Bolin, ‘what is right for Bolin’ is the basis of all his choices, what is right for Mako isn’t considered because what Mako wants is for Bolin to be happy.

In conclusion, if you hate Mako and love Bolin, I think you need to take a step back and remember who raised Bolin.

#hollypunkerspost #i dont know why i wanted to write this i just did #i love mako 2020 if anyone wants to know why here we go #mako #bolin #mako and bolin #legend of korra #100 notes

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harrysweasleys · 4 years ago

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let me show you my world // h.p

summary: A Harry x muggle!reader where he takes her to the wizarding world for the first time please?

warnings: mentions of food, very very slight ptsd if you’re really looking

word count: 2.5k

a/n: short and sweet! i hope you all enjoy, it’s been a while since i’ve written for harry!

[i do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other platform]

Today was the big day.

After what felt like weeks of waiting, today would fall the day where Harry promised you he’d take you to see his side of the world — the side that he had hid from you for the first few months of your relationship.

Until, of course, you stumbled in on him using the “lumos” charm one night in the dark kitchen while he thought you were asleep. It was a nearly unbearably long night of explanations and questions, but once you came to grasp with the idea that your boyfriend could perform spells and magic, you were awestruck.

For months you pestered him about showing you more, showing you the magic of his world and the thrill that came with it. You’d never be able to perform a spell, that was for sure, but you wanted to dip your toes in the life that was being a wizard. Maybe you could relate to Harry a little more.

He loved to talk about his time at Hogwarts and all the fascinating creatures and wild spells that he had learned about, but it wasn’t something you understood. Sure, you’d nod along and stare at him with wide eyes as he encountered his memories with a faint smile, but you only wished you could experience a smidge of it.

So, finally, he agreed to introduce you to his life by inviting you as his plus one to Ron’s birthday, which was conveniently being held at the Burrow — where Harry had really fallen in love with magic the first time — and you were over the moon.

“Remember, if something comes flying at your head, duck,” he said, your hand in his as he pressed a light kiss to your skin, clearly a little nervous.

You stepped closer to him and put your hands on either side of his face, “Harry, this isn’t going to scare me off. Don’t worry. If anything, I’m going to be even more interested in you. Which will only go badly for you, really. I won’t be able to leave you alone.”

He gave you a little smile and nodded his head, eyes piercing yours. He had dressed up with a nice shirt, a tie, and had even wrapped up a little gift for Ron, which was sitting in a bag by the front door. You weren’t sure what it was, but by his laughter as he had wrapped it, you figured it was an inside joke.

You had met Ron before, of course you had. The two were practically inseparable, both in and out of school. But you had never met Ron’s family, nor had you seen what his lifestyle was like. You could only imagine that with a family full of witches and wizards, you were in for a wild ride.

Now, Harry had told you countless times about what apparation entailed, but nothing could prepare you for the feeling that it put your body through. As he gripped your hand, you felt your weight vanish. It felt like you were being sucked into a vacuum, your body being warped through the material of reality.

Only when your feet hit solid ground did you feel your balance get restored.

You gripped Harry’s arm as he let out a chuckle, “Warn me next time.” Your breathing was heavy and your voice came out weak, but you were alive and in one piece. Your first taste of magic hadn’t gone too wonderfully.

“Sorry,” he shot you a quick smile, sliding his hand into your clammy one before walking up to the house. Harry had a certain sparkle in his eye tonight, and it wasn’t due to the sunset. He was excited, you could tell. His hand swung with yours as the two of you approached your destination.

What Harry called the Burrow was unlike anything you had ever seen. It looked like multiple homes stacked on top of one another, being held together by wooden boards and nails. Smoke came out of the chimney, and the smell of fire reached your nostrils. Light glowed from the many, many windows on all the floors of the house — were there seven floors? Eight? Ten?

“This is… wow,” you let out an impressed sigh, eyes scanning the entire building. It looked like it was held together by magic, and knowing Harry’s world, it definitely was.

“That was my reaction too,” his eyes followed yours before he gave your hand a squeeze and began leading you up to the front door, “Ron has quite a few siblings, so it might get confusing, but you’ll get the hang of it.”

You nodded, still a little speechless. If this was what the outside looked like, you couldn’t imagine what was awaiting you on the inside.

Harry brought his hand up and knocked on the door, cutting you short of your thoughts. As excited as you were to see what it was like inside a true magical household, you couldn’t bring yourself past the nerves.

Though, you didn’t have much time to dwell on that before the door was swung open and a tall ginger man with scars across his face stood on the other side.

“Bill,” Harry grinned, letting go of your hand before the two of them shared a hug.

The man had the same hair colour as Ron — no surprise there — but he was much leaner and taller. You had also heard about the werewolf incident, so it didn’t come as much of a shock to see the deep, aged wounds across the pale skin of his face.

“This is Y/N,” Harry turned to face you as the two of them pulled apart from their greeting.

The man named Bill nodded and gave you a comforting smile, “We’ve heard a lot about you. Come on in.”

Harry stepped in first and you followed closely behind, Bill closing the door behind you. The smell of cake filled your senses and you felt a smile begin to form on your lips.

By the front door, you could see into the kitchen. Spatulas and spoons moved about in the air, untouched by human hands. In the sink, dishes were being cleaned by themselves and soap bubbles floated up and popped near the ceiling. A little broom moved across the floor, collecting dust and crumbs in a pile by the kitchen garbage, sweeping in an elegant and quick manner that no human would be able to do themselves.

Your cheeks began to hurt due to your smile, and you brought yourself to turn away and look into the living room. By the crackling fireplace, a pair of knitting needles worked by themselves to knit a thick, woolen pair of socks. Books and magazines moved around and placed themselves on shelves, and you spotted a dark grey owl perched by the window.

“It’s something, isn’t it?” Harry placed one of his hands on your lower back and grounded you to reality. Or, whatever dream world this really was.

You nodded, still speechless. You couldn’t believe the kind of stuff magic could do, that all of this was real. Sure, spells and stuff were a given, but you never considered that people could run their houses like this. That with a flick of a wrist, things would go back to their rightful place and chores would do themselves. It only made you a little jealous that you couldn’t do these things yourself.

“Yeah,” you said, slightly in awe, before removing your jacket and placing it next to Harry’s by the door.

He linked his hand with yours once again and followed Bill into the house, into what you figured was the dining room. Windows were open and a fresh spring breeze rolled through the room, almost making the room feel even more surreal.

Your eyes landed on the people sitting around the table, two faces which you recognized already. Ron and Hermione sat at the end, both smiling and waving at you. The rest, however, you didn’t know.

“Guys, this is Y/N,” Harry said after going around and greeting everyone, “Y/N, let’s make rounds. You’ve got Bill and his wife Fleur, then we’ve got Charlie, Percy and his fiancée Penelope, Fred and his girlfriend Angelina, and his twin brother George, Ginny, and then Ron’s parents, Mr and Mrs Weasley.”

You nodded, but you hadn’t really been listening. You’d forget all the names anyways. You were more focused on the small floating candles, and the fact that there was another owl perched on the back of one of the chairs. It gave a little hoot and began to doze off.

“Hi,” you finally spoke up, turning to face Mrs Weasley, “Thank you for inviting us.”

“Of course, dear!” she grinned, waving her hand in dismissal, “Everyone is always invited here.”

“It’s true,” Mr Weasley spoke up from next to her, his eyes bright and a cheerful smile on his face, “You’re a muggle, yes?”

You felt your eyes widen a bit as you answered, “Oh, uh, yeah. No magic here.” An awkward chuckle escaped your lips and you began to fiddle with your fingers.

Harry placed a hand on your arm before Mr Weasley could ask you any more questions, and guided you to the two open chairs next to Ron, both of you taking your seats. You could feel eyes following you but you decided to brush it off. Harry had warned you about Mr Weasley’s fascination with muggles, so you couldn’t really be surprised.

From next to you, Ron and Harry began to chat as if they had spent no time apart, and from the other side of you, a thin blonde woman placed her hand over yours.

“I’m Fleur,” she smiled a dazzling smile, her sleek hair shining under the candlelight, “Is this your first time seeing this kind of environment?”

You nodded, “It is, actually,” you turned away and glanced at the owl once more before turning your attention back to the woman, “I haven’t actually seen much apart from the basic spells Harry uses around the house.”

“It is fun, isn’t it?” she pulled her wand out of the purse that was hanging on her chair, twirled it in between her fingers, and then placed it on the table top, “Not something you get used to, even if you’ve been surrounded by magic your whole life!”

A twinge of jealousy surged through you at the thought that you never got to experience this as a kid, and that you’d never really get to experience this as an adult either. That the only taste of magic you’d get would be through Harry, that you’d never feel the feeling of it running through your veins.

“I bet,” you responded with a smile, eyeing the room, “I’m sure it’s incredible.”

You lost yourself in your own thoughts, looking around the room at the way Ron’s family interacted with the things around them. The twins, who you couldn’t tell apart just yet, were making a little firework buzz around the table. The other brother which you were sure was named Percy was scowling at them, clearly hiding a smile as the firework sparkled next to his ear.

Harry’s hand found its way to your thigh and he gave a slight squeeze, “It’s a lot, I know.”

It was pretty overwhelming, and you had trouble wrapping your head around it all, but your heart felt full. You could feel the tingle of thrill in your veins as you thought of all the things one could do with magic. Harry had done some basic things around the house — made flowers grow, put the dishes away, helped organize a few things. But you knew he had often used his magic in self defence, and now that he had defeated that evil, he didn’t always want to use it. It served as a reminder of what he had done in the past.

“It’s something,” you grinned, turning to face him, “Thanks for letting me see this.”

He shot you a wink, sending your heart into a flurry, and brought you into his conversation with Ron and Hermione.

——

The evening had been a blast. Ron’s brothers had put on a show of fire and spark for his birthday, and Mrs Weasley had made a massive multi-layered cake that was large enough to feed dozens of people. Harry had brought you on a small tour of the house, with the Weasleys’ permission of course, and pointed out all the fun little enchanted trinkets that hid in plain sight.

As the night drew darker and people began to leave, Harry had suggested you two do the same.

You agreed, following him to the front door to grab your coats before bidding a good night to the family. Ron and Harry shared a hug as Hermione embraced you, and shortly after, you two were back in your apartment.

Apparating had been a little less dizzying the second time around now that you knew what to expect. You let out a small chuckle at Harry’s tousled hair before he raised his hand to pat it down, giving you a small glare in the process.

“Thank you for that,” you muttered after you had both tossed your jackets by the front door, pulling him into a hug. He was warm, and he smelled the same, but after everything you had witnessed tonight, you now saw him in a somewhat different light. You understood his world a little more now, and in an odd way, you felt so much more connected to his past.

He wrapped his arm around you and rested his head against your shoulder, placing a light kiss on the spot where your neck and shoulder met, “It feels good, showing you all of that. There’s a lot more to see, of course there is, but I feel better. I was pretty nervous about tonight, honestly.”

You grinned, placing a kiss against his cheek as you pulled away from the hug, “A lot more to see, yeah? Does this mean we’re going on a magical adventure where you give me a detailed tour of the wizarding landmarks?”

He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle, his hands not leaving your waist. His shoulders were slouched and his body felt relaxed under your hands, causing a bubble of joy to burst in your chest. Harry had always been casual and chilled, but you knew he was always afraid of showing you this side of his life. And now that he had, clear relief was written all over him.

“If that’s what you want,” he grinned, stepping a little bit closer to you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, “Diagon Alley is next, then.”

taglist

@grierpilots @hxfflxpxffs @mikumana @msmimimerton @pit-and-the-pen @diary-of-an-onliner @theweirdsideofstuff @thoseofgreatambition @theweasleysredhair @haphazardhufflepuff @awritingtree @thisismysketchbook @valwritesx @vogueweasley @hufflrpuffforfred @phuvioqhile @marvelettesassemble @shadowsinger11 @breadqueen95 @hahee154hq @inglourious-imagines @amourtentiaa @pxroxide-prinxcesss @spacexcowgirl @lumos-barnes @gcdricreads @bolaurel

#harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #harry potter x reader #harry potter reader insert

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dangermousie · 3 years ago

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Look at those arms! MMMMM!

You know, I really like Gilina. Or, more correctly, I really like what Gilina represents, both in terms of Crichton’s development and in his feelings for Aeryn. Gilina is Earth Crichton’s dream girl: she is blonde, pretty, sweet, and plucky (she is no push-over). She is also a girl geek, and a techie and for our scientist, that’s quite irresistibly appealing. (Btw, let me take a moment to note how much I like that the show showed us that Crichton had a type in women, B.A. (before Aeryn): they were blonde and sweet and had a certain safe niceness to them. Aeryn is not blonde, not sweet, and not safe at all. And neither is his feeling for her). If Gilina was a girl working for a research institute on Earth and she and John met at some party, I can easily see them talking, dating, falling in love and getting married. And having a happy married life. And the John of ‘PK Tech Girl,’ despite some unpleasant encounters in the Uncharted Territories is still enough of the Earth John to be attracted to Gilina, to be at the very beginning of developing something for her. He is still enough of an innocent, with enough uncomplicated and sweet left in him, for Gilina to be his type. But of course, that is not the case any more when they meet again in ‘Nerve.’ When they meet again, Gilina has had a fairly uneventful PK tech existence. She hasn’t changed much. But she is not Crichton’s type any more. Not after Maldis and finding out firsthand that there are psychopaths that will just enjoy watching you die for the fun of it, not after Crais and finding out that no, if you only explain the truth, it won’t make it better. The person will still want to kill you even if they believe you, even if it’s wrong and irrational, and there is nothing you can do. Not after ‘Jeremiah Crichton’ (my least fave ep of the whole show, but whose theme of Crichton’s long isolation is well taken). Not after finding out the truth about Zhaan, or almost dying out there in space with Aeryn. Not after the mind and soul fuck of ‘A Human Reaction.’ Gilina is not for this John. Not any more. And it’s not just that in the meanwhile he’s ceased to see anyone but Aeryn. It is also that his character has changed. And that is only the beginning. When he meets her in ‘Nerve’ it is pre-Scorpius, pre-Aurora Chair, pre-everything in S2, 3 and 4 (I’d do a list but it would take too long to type). If Gilina met S4 Crichton, she’d freak and run away and rightly so. A digression, but I find it fascinating how John's non-Aeryn women reflect his change. We have his ex-gf on Earth who he was serious enough to apparently want to propose to, before they went their separate career way. She is sort of like Gilina only blander, less engaging (Earth Crichton strikes me as someone who's had things come to him too easily because of his intelligence or what not. His passion (for whatever) was never truly engaged to the full, and the gf reflects that.) There is also Caroline (who we meet in Terra Firma) with whom he had something or other, but she is rather like his Earth-ex and it's clear the Crichton of TF doesn't even have anything to say to her any more. From them, we progress to Gilina (about whom see above). In first half of S2, there is the PK Disruptor. Now, she is a lot more edges, more hardness. If she is like anyone, it's a female version of Bond. And Crichton sleeps with her, because hey, he's tried everything to get Aeryn to admit any interest, he's beaten his head against the rock and he's beaten it and beaten it. But she refused and she's conclusively walked out of his life for good (not even came to see him for the very last time, when he needed her most). And also, girl can kill him, good to stay on her good side. There is no Gilina sweetness in her, at all. PK Tech Girl Crichton would annoy her and be intimidated to be with her, not so much Crichton of that s2 ep arc. But interestingly, that is the last time he even looks at another woman, no matter the circumstances. Once Aeryn and he admit their love to each other at the end of S2/beginning of S3, that is it. Even at the second part of S3, when Aeryn is off with Talyn-Crichton, Moya-Crichton goes deep into his obsession with wormholes, not any girls at all, and he is just as obsessed with Aeryn as ever. Even after the end of S3, the beginning of S4, even after he tells Aeryn "I can trust you with my life. But not my heart" and he locks himself away, he still does not look at anyone else. He cannot. And even the drugs cannot knock her out from his mind. Which is why his last non-Aeryn woman is Grayza, who rapes him while at the same time telling him if he gives her the wormhole stuff she will help him find Aeryn (OMG, that bit is seriously the worst in the whole scene). I think the darker progression of these women-others mirrors the darker and darker universe. OK, digression over. I find it interesting that in S1 we have a number of people (beings, whatever) whose life is affected, changed by Crichton and who are grateful for that and thank him for changing/opening/saving either explicitly, or it’s implied. But after S1 this slows to a trickle pretty fast and then stops almost entirely. Crichton is such an innately kind person, and one of the saddest things in the show is seeing this kindness leach away under the tortures (literal and figurative) he is subjected to. I find it so sad and so significant that in the S3 finale it’s Aeryn who brings up the fact that the command carrier has a lot of lives which John’s plan might end. Aeryn. Not John. She’s become more compassionate (she, who started out saying ‘I hate that word’) and he’s become much less. These are both reactions to their environment, to events they are in (When they initially meet, she is a product of an individuality-less, soulless scenario. Even if he is wrong in reading her at the very very first in Premiere during intros, he is not wrong in reading her potential, in recognizing she is a person, and even as early as Premiere she proves him right. I also love that for Crichton, she is always her own person, not a preconceived notion of what she should be. He loves her for being Aeryn, not for some idealized being in his head). And yet it is never completely suppressed, it is always there, however muted and downtrodden, however circumscribed. He had to jettison most of it in order to stay sane and to survive, but somewhere deep inside he is still the guy who, in a completely strange world, took the time to fix the eye-stalk of a mechanical critter thingy he didn’t know at all. And of course, part of the reason he jettisons it is also because whenever he tries to save someone or make it better, it often ends up making the situation worse. I am thinking for example of S3’s lovely ‘Different Destinations’ which turns a beloved sci-fi trope on its head and he has to live with it and he can barely bear it. And I love how the show never lets us forget the cost this takes on him, that he is not a power-hungry psychopath, a cavalier callous being only caring about his small group of friends. That coda to S4’s ‘We Are So Screwed’ where he is with Aeryn, and he breaks down, and he can’t help it, and he weeps for what he’d done, for what he almost did (and it’s going to be small fry in comparison with PKW) is just brilliant and heartbreaking and one of my favorite bits (and I love that she is there, and she silently comforts him, and he clutches her arm as a lifeline). And that is why I actually liked the drug storyline in S4. After all the stuff that Crichton been through, I am surprised he didn’t end up going on something earlier, just to deal with it all somehow (I love that the show brought up earlier that he has nightmares, feels tremendous guilt, and that was mid S2, I am sure they are much worse now). And it also made sense that when his number 1 obsession, Aeryn, told him to give it up, he did, as he’d pick her over anything. She’s his number 1 drug. Basically, he needs Aeryn desperately. She is what allows him to function, allows him to stay (relatively) sane, what holds him together. When he can’t have her, or doesn’t have her, he falls apart and needs something else to get through the days (wormholes in S3, lakka in S4). I do find it interesting that Crichton keeps his compassion, however tattered, but he develops absolute priorities, as a result of choices he shouldn’t have had to make. Most people don’t really analyze whether they will pick the woman they love or selling one’s soul and giving up something which earlier, to protect, you didn’t give up even when tortured or hunted or broken. They don’t have to. Crichton’s developed rigid priorities are a result of the environment where he had to confront those hierarchies in himself. Crichton’s earlier ‘purity’ and goodness and optimism exist in part because he is a product of a relatively sheltered life (compared to Uncharted Territories). But that early cleanness allows others to see a better or at least a different path for themselves and so they repay the favor later by pulling him out when he is on the brink of succumbing to all these horrors (which really do seem to be scarily disproportionately triggered at him). One of the things I love about Crichton is that even after he’s seen and dealt horrors, he has a certain moral absolutism to him (however broken it gets at times) and a pure refusal to give up, and strength even if only to make the least worst of two bad choices presented to him. Something untainted is always there, maybe a legacy of his initial idealism, and so he never breaks, not permanently, not irreparably, though he comes very very close. Throughout the show, even as that world bends and molds and twists him to its own parameters, he manages to make the world somewhat bend and mold and twist to himself. Do you know what I really really wish for John and Aeryn and the kid after the end of PKW? A few years of total peace, where they can just travel the space in Moya, and John can do his research, and be with Aeryn and watch their child grow, without having to worry about saving his and their lives every other day.

OK, these are getting epically long omg.

#farscape

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weirdcultstuff · 4 years ago

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My numbness Journey:

. I am told I cried a lot as a baby. This makes sense, I was a very sick baby. I don’t remember being a baby, of course, so I don’t know if I had any emotions or not then.

. I learned as a toddler to sit still without making noise or doing anything ‘distracting’ during church services and such that lasted the better part of the day. I remember most of that feeling ‘blank.’ Like someone had pointed a remote at me and pressed pause. I remember sitting on the folding chairs at church next to my mom, and my feet didn’t even hang over the edge of the chair yet because I was so small, and I remember my arms feeling “prickly” because I hadn’t moved them in so long. It became kind of a game to sit still long enough to make my limbs prickly before I changed position in my chair. My parents were not the kind of parents who gave their babies dry Cheerios to snack on, or old spice shakers with toothpicks in them to play with during church. We sat still and we listened, or we got taken out and punished and then brought back in to sit still and listen. There was no such thing as children’s church.

. Displays of emotion and expression were often harshly punished beginning before I turned one, judging by how soon I know it started for my younger siblings. E.g. 3 hour spanking/restraining sessions for crying, social shaming for laughing (“don’t be foolish. Be sober minded.”), I never attempted dancing it was considered so out of the question, etc. I got in trouble a lot, for all the normal kid stuff like being too loud with my sisters in bed at night or arguing over a toy or not finishing my food or not obeying instructions cheerfully and right away. My parents were just picking up a lot of child training techniques from ultra conservative fundamentalist literature, and trying out what they were reading on me and my siblings.

. I sometimes felt too emotional to maintain a calm exterior during really intense moments (I equated emotions with danger) like altar calls or punishments or questionings, and learned to distract myself as hard as I could until the emotions passed. I’d count things like nails in the boards on the walls, or I’d focus on my shoes, or I’d focus on my baby siblings and make sure they had their shoes tied etc. Eventually I got really good at just kind of zoning out, I remember very often feeling like I was floating in the corner of the room, looking down at all of us kneeling and praying. I wondered a lot if I was a robot or possessed, because my body didn’t feel familiar or as real as the people around me seemed. My body usually felt stiff and mechanical, like I was watching myself move from the outside. Maybe, I thought, that’s what dying to the flesh meant. When I broke down and felt emotions it was overwhelming and I would cry, which was punished, and shamed. Because of those times, I consider(ed) myself emotional in a sort of ‘hysterical/unreliable woman’ sense.

. I got good at autopilot when I had a lot of work to do, like from 9 years old or so. I remember waking up and relishing the hour or so of feeling ‘awake’ before I’d get tired and flip the switch to autopilot so I didn’t slow down. Working hard was the best thing a kid could do, really, the safest thing and the most encouraged virtue. I remember watching people who were considered hard workers and trying to copy them, I decided the trick to picking beans fast was to never let your hands stop moving. I really like watching my hands work, and wash dishes, pick beans, type. It’s kinda comforting, reassuring, safe, yknow? I can work through almost anything, pain and tiredness and nausea and emotions. I was always surprised by burnout. I also considered myself lazy, so it’s odd that objectively I was a hard worker. But today I’m not a hard worker, all my hard work was thanks to autopilot and numbing and dissociation.

. In my early teens, I got pretty good at just not having “negative” emotions. I’d never felt anger very strongly, but I began to feel less sadness or annoyance too. If I started feeling sad, I’d just stop. Distract. Numb. Life was not easy, so I was numb pretty much all the time. It was painful. Sometimes I couldn’t even get up to work, I’d just sit on my bed, which was punished of course but I had nothing in me to react to the punishment and nothing in me to give to my work so I just sat there and took it. I had a Bible study group that read this book which told of the author’s own experience with depression and how she found happiness via a combination of Christianity and gratitude journaling. I started looking for things to be thankful for. It was like a dam broke and I could finally FEEL something again: happiness. I found joy in everything. The sky, my work, the people around me, sounds, smells, trees, colors, banana muffins. Everything was still half awful, but I just decided that part wasn’t important. Go numb for the bad, experience the good. It let me function again. It worked for a while.

. Eventually, I had ✨ a meltdown ✨ I got diagnosed with ptsd. I hit a burnout point with my mission work + school + other job + multiple deaths of close loved ones + buried trauma beginning to resurface due to my coping skills wearing thin and my new relatively safe environment and supportive school friends. Covid was the last straw. I quit EVERYTHING. Mission work, school, other job, everything. And I finally felt anger, and sadness, and regret, and shame, and so much fear.

. All that bs in therapy about “let’s name the wall you’ve put up between you and your emotions, what would it be made of? Wood? Metal? Brick? Paper?” & “it’s safe to have emotions. Practice recognizing your emotions and telling them that it’s safe to be there.” didn’t seem like bs anymore. It actually helped make sense of the storm of emotions I was having. Because I hadn’t felt anger in so long, or at least not without it being kind of ‘intellectual’ or ‘in the distance’, I didn’t really recognize it. I just felt strongly and vaguely bad. But I started untangling it all and figuring out which emotion was which and different ways to recognize them and experience them and let them have their place. Making art helped, talking about it helped.

. The storm has died down now. I still numb regularly, often automatically, without thinking about it. But I do have all the emotions now, at least to some degree, and I know how to lean into them and process them a little better. I write down my emotions from the week and how it was, where it was, why it was, every week for therapy. Sometimes I have emotions at the right times and sometimes not. Usually I can mask them pretty well if I want to. I still can’t just cry, I can’t make noise when I cry, I haven’t been able to do that since I was very small. But at least I can cry again. My goal is no longer to Not Experience ‘Negative’ Emotions, it’s to give place to every emotion that I have. Wholeness, not Happiness. I feel more grounded. I have bad days, I have consecutive bad days.

And I am happy. I never really stopped being able to find joy in things, ever since that one Bible study book about gratitude. I’m really very lucky in that, I think. I have gone and can go through life enjoying it.

#numbness #abuse cw #cw child abuse #trauma recovery #long post #extremely long post #depression

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yanderecandystore · 3 years ago

Note

Can we get some content for how the Android darling and Ms. Bright would meet?

In this [🍰🍑🤖] we get a glimpse of what their relationship is like and a lil mention of how things have worked out- But let's see how it played out from the a.is perspective.

Hi boo, I hope you're doing great, I'm very sorry for the long ass waiting- Sadly I may warn y'all that I have gone through many stages while writing this: h 0 r ny, corny, and angsty. This is actually pretty heavy, as I tried pulling some of the loose threads that I left all over Ingrid's posts (I still need to give her an bio ;-; I'm sorry y'all-)

So this is all over the place, since this is a fic I've been writing for a long time.

Also I know jackshit about robotics, and I think this fic shows how much I don't know anything XD

TW: Family issues related to: LGBTQ identity // very angsty // Ingrid is very rude, but she also struggles a lot during this- // socially distant // socially awkward // being misinterpreted/having a hard time socializing //

Tags: angy sad lady // ownership dynamic // this is basically the reader reminiscing about the past (continuing it from where Happy Lies left off) // the reader is low-key a simp at times- // master x servant dynamic, possessive behavior and a lot of yelling // just angsty really, I'm so sorry //

🍭꒰��ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Happy birthday, mistress [Yandere!CEO OC x A.I!Reader - Short Fanfiction]

3,763 words

Whenever you remember your first day of activation, or more accurately your first day of actually being able to be activated for more than five seconds (you can't remember it fully, but you're aware that because of your complex design, you had passed through a lot of prototype phases before you could properly function-), you almost feel an odd sense of nostalgia, maybe due to the fact it was indeed the most important day of your existence as an android.

It was Ms.Bright's nineteenth birthday, when she would be handed the corporation that has been passed down by generations. And not only would she inherit the company, but also a beautifully designed a.i assistant made to help Ms.Bright's every need. You were made to be an easy communication center from Ms.Bright to the employees, as Ms.Bright's had a hard time communicating with people and expressing herself.

At first, she didn't seem to enjoy the idea very much- It was clear that she considered you to be quite annoying and useless. And- Well- It did hurt at first, after all, you were built to help her and be her friend no matter what.

So hearing her be mean towards you was… Very tough at first. Your first day as her assistant wasn't easy, you ended up getting in her way most of the time- And since she also didn't know exactly what she was doing, she got overwhelmed by so many things going down in one single day.

Ingrid has always dreamed of being in power of the company- Actually, now that you know her a little more- You can positively say she was probably just stressed at having to deal with so many responsibilities so suddenly, even if it has been her lifelong wish to inherit the company.

And even if it seems impossible at times, she would still come back strong and find a way to deal with it. That's something you really admire about her.

Your first week on the job was basically just trying to get accustomed and trying to learn everything you needed to do- While also trying to understand Ms.Bright as best as you could. Now… You weren't built to say this- And- And of course you don't think like this anymore, but…. You used to think she was really mean.

Frightening, even.

Now that you're all alone waiting for her to get back from work, you can't help but feel like replaying those moments inside your head.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000050: "My second day at work"...}"

" Oh, what are you doing here?"

" Morning Ms.Bright! I-I was rechecking the files from yesterday and I was trying my best to reorganize them, a-after the incident-"

" The "incident" that you caused yesterday?"

" Well, yes, of course! I wanted to fix things up before you came back, I'm really sorry for being so reckless, I promise I won't do it again, I was just-"

"It 's fine. You don't need to worry about it."

" But… But I thought-"

" The files you had messed with weren't really all that important, and besides I'm sure there are copies all around the place. Sigh, who am I kidding- In reality, I should be the one apologizing for my behavior yesterday."

"...."

" I recognize that I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did, in a sense it's my fault you lost those files in the first place."

" … Well, it's nothing really mistress, I'm the one who should-"

" No, don't even finish it. You shouldn't have to apologize and shouldn't have spent the night wasting your battery on this-"

"...."

".... You know what, do whatever- I sometimes forget that you are… Nevermind, come back to my office as soon as you can."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.000.050… }"

You never knew what she was going to say, but you remember not being able to ask her that- As you were afraid of her potentially getting mad at you for asking too many questions. She always seemed so ruthless at times.

You remember the time you went to a family event with her, a family party, where an incident happened and she was absolutely livid. Your relationship with her wasn't so pretty at the time, you don't know why but- Your mistress didn't seem to trust you as much as you wish she did at the time.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.001.588: "First party ever- And it was very unpleasant" ...}"

" What's the matter with you?! Why can't you follow simple instructions- I told you to stay here and not mess around."

" I'm. So. Sorry. Mistress-"

" Even your vocal module is broken- Who told you to enter that pool in the first place?? You can't tell me you did something so stupid all on your own."

" I. Slipped.-"

" Am I a joke to you? I've said tell me who gave you the order to jump in the goddamn pool while everyone else was inside- Don't you dare start lying to me."

" … One of the. Party guests. Lost something. Inside the water. I tried helping them. But I started to. Malfunction."

" … Sigh, okay. Continue."

" It wasn't. Their fault. I did it. On my own. I was just- Trying. To help."

" By throwing yourself inside a pool when you're well aware of the damage the water can cause to your inner systems?!"

" I'm sorry!"

" You could have- No, you SHOULD have called someone else to help you, I can't believe it- You could have drowned in there and I wouldn't even be aware of that since I was inside the house, [Y/n]!"

" …. But Ms.Bright. I can't drown-"

" Yeah, yeah- I know you-... I know you can't drown."

" … Listen, you could have still gotten yourself hurt okay? You could have permanently damaged your systems, and if I wasn't made aware of what happened, I wouldn't have been able to take you out of the water in time, okay?"

"... Sigh, I just realized how much I have been yelling, everyone is probably scared now that I've made such a scandal. This… Isn't really a new thing to me, I'm accustomed to ruining parties like this. I'll have to apologise later to everyone. [Y/n], please just- When I ask you to stay still, please listen to me. I was worried about you."

"...."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.001.588 ...}"

You can't deny it- Whenever she was truly irritated she could make any person next to her feel threatened, though the more you look at your recordings, you feel like she doesn't really want to be feared like this. Respected? Absolutely. Feared? Not ideal, but she takes it anyway.

You have a couple of different recordings here and there, your memories are separated into sections. You have recordings of events in several formats: pictures, videos, texts and audio recordings. Though the one you use the most is audio recordings, since videos take a very big space inside your mind, and pictures need context, otherwise they wouldn't be considered memories, right?

You can't have many memories at a time because most of your mind is supposed to be used to store the company's files, so you do have a couple of memories that you have deleted to make space for the Bright Vision's more secret/personal documents. Since Ingrid took you home yesterday, and said you won't be going to work for the company anymore, then maybe you can find somewhere else to store those files so you can make space for new memories with Ms.Bright.

First, you'll need to recheck some of your own memories to see if they're worth holding onto. There is probably a lot of junk in there that you won't be needing anymore, which can be a bit tedious and take some time, but you clearly have enough time on your hands to do so, considering how she is not home and- Well, you're pretty bored, you already done everything that she asked you to do.

Honestly, she gave such small tasks today, she probably didn't plan to change your work environment so suddenly.

After about an hour of research through your data you have realized that even if you have way too many files, it's kinda hard to delete them. At first you didn't mind the idea of deleting certain stuff, but now it feels a bit sad to erase parts of your memory, you just had so many good times and- And even the bad times are worth remembering, right?

It has been an hour of you just standing there, trying your best to not delete anything important while also revising each recording you have. Most files are a bit out of order, numerically speaking, but you don't mind that too much cause- Well, you can always reorganize them later.

… You never actually do that, but you like to think that one day you will, though.

After so many recordings of conversations, you found one who didn't seem to really belong in your head. You see, you always title every single thing inside your personal archives so that it doesn't get mixed with other files- All of your memories have a specific title so that you can have an idea of which is which.

The thing is- You don't remember this file, the title seems off, and it seems like it's incomplete. Oddly broken. Still, you decided to take a listen and try to remember what happened in this event.

"{... Replaying recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx: "I yell too much" ...}"

"...."

This is a very silent audio, there seems to be some background noise happening, but you can't make out what's happening. This audio sounds distorted, edited maybe. Someone tried messing with your memories but they weren't able to completely erase this file.

Maybe they were inexperienced at the time.

"...."

You think you heard something, it sounded closer to you- It sounded like someone possibly sitting down next to you. You don't know who it is, or what it is

"...."

".... I'm such a mess. Why am I doing this? Why does this feels so-"

"...."

It seems like someone is speaking, but you're not speaking back. Even in this heavily edited audio, you can still make out what sounds to be a feminine voice.

".... I'm sorry for, well, using you this way. It feels- So, so weird."

"...."

".... I just want… No, I need to vent to you for a while, even if you won't remember what I'm going to say."

This audio gives you an odd sensation. You think you're starting to recognize who this is- But then again, who else could it be, if not Ms.Bright herself?

" I never did this before, with something so- Human like- With something so human looking. I used to record my thoughts on my phone but I thought I would never need to vent with an object before- But here I am! Making a fool of myself…"

"...."

The speaker, who you assume to be Ingrid, seems to be having a lot of trouble speaking, her voice is cracking and her breathing seems uneven. She sounds out of breath, and she takes a lot of pauses to be able to speak her mind.

"...."

".... I have…. Thought about opening myself in this way because- Because I have no one else to listen to it, and I guess I can only blame myself for it. I know I'm difficult, I know I'm rude and I know I come across as a tyrant to everyone else- I- I really don't know what 's wrong with me, okay?!"

" Years, and years, and years of training, of studying, of planning to become the very next owner of this corporation as it's already not only a job but also a very painful family tradition that I felt proud of! That I gave everything that I could to be part of! I remember wanting this so bad, I remember how I used to daydream about this stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid tradition when I was a little kid who just wanted to do more, to be more!"

".… I almost lost all of this. 19 years of my life that were threatened to be thrown in the trash just because I- Because I'm not his son??! Because I- I'm not his only "son" anymore??.... Who said I ever was- Who said I ever was his son…?"

".... I- I know all about the stupid, awful and extremely unnecessary tradition of passing the leadership from father to son, and to this very day- inside the same office all of my predecessors had went through- I still think that tradition is garbage. I always thought I wouldn't make it here, I always thought something would stop me from being the next face of Bright Vision."

".... I can't tell- If I always knew about this- I can't even imagine how I knew this considering the dumb kid that I was, but…"

".... I'm his daughter. I'm Mr.Bright's only daughter, and the only possible heir to this twisted company."

" The people outside think our only focus it's on robotics and technology of all kinds. I wish I could go back to thinking that too, it would have been so much simpler that way."

" After a very long fight about my rights as the heir to this- Company. My father thought it would be wise to move to the countryside. Far away from all of this. And to be fair, I was- So, so mad at him that I thought that him moving away from here and letting me be would be better, but every now and then I- I miss him. I miss him so much…."

"He sent me a birthday present today. After three years of absolute silence he sends me flowers and- And a gift card containing his number… And I- Called him despite everything, and even so to this day he can't even say my name- IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS AFTER HE LEFT ME ALL ALONE WITH THIS CURSED BUSINESS AND HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING. SAY. MY. NAME."

You felt scared at the sudden yelling, even if her voice was progressively getting more aggressive and louder, you still got caught up by the sudden yelling.

".... I'm- A mess- I know that now."

You can't understand what's going on, but it sounds like she started laughing… Or maybe crying? Probably both.

".... I'm just terrible at this. I always was, weren't I? I'm just terrible at these types of interactions- Maybe all of them! I just don't understand how to- How to do it?? I don't know anymore…."

".... That's why I have you, in the first place, isn't it?"

" I had such an awful time expressing myself that they gave me an overpriced doll to do it for me. When I first heard about this three years ago, I- I've felt so fucking pitiful."

" Can you imagine it? The CEO of such a big corporation is so difficult to deal with that she needs an overly glorified doll that can translate her words to the other employees! An a.i created just to help me, an absolute idiot!"

".... I've felt so angry at them- I felt so angry at him for having to build a robot just to be a comfort pet to the stressful work that I would have to do for the rest of my position as owner of Bright Vision Corp, and I was mad at you! You pissed me off to no end, and I- I just couldn't help but be frustrated at you, not for being in my way, but for being an reminder that I'm awful at this-"

"...."

Her sobs stopped her from continuing that sentence.

".... I've treated you so unfairly because of this. I- I made sure that whenever you looked at me you would feel terrified of me because that's the only way I thought I could be respected, that's the only way I thought you would listen to me, and yet you never did…. You weren't built to follow my every order perfectly, you were made to be literally my only friend, after 22 years, here you are- The only person that can get me isn't even an actual person-"

"..... And I forget this…! I forget this every time I look at your eyes, I forget how robotic you are whenever I see you helping others not because you were told to, but just because you thought you could."

"...."

".... I always forget that you're supposed to be just another robot… He really did think about everything when designing you."

".... I always catch myself being awful towards you, being- Being excessively rude, not because of my way of talking but because of my own petty feelings towards you as my assistant… As my friend, as my android, as my-"

"...."

"..... I'm so sorry for being like this, you don't deserve to have someone who is constantly being mean towards you be considered your boss- Your boss, your friend- ...Sigh, even your owner…"

" I'm sorry [Y/n], I'm really, really sorry- But it doesn't matter how many times I say that- I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. Words won't heal any wounds, they never did."

"...."

".... But maybe actions will."

"...."

" I'll stop being so harsh on you, you really don't deserve this- I was feeling weird about using your recording system to vent like this, but now that I think about it I have been using you as a venting mechanism since the day we met……. I'm- I'm so goddamn awful."

"...."

" "How can someone so in love be so cruel?".... Would you be able to answer me if you were conscious?.... I don't think you would, no one has been able to tell me the right answer yet."

".... I hope I can be better- I will be better."

"...."

" I just need to remember how to delete this file before you wake up- I hope I can do that. End recording."

"{... End of recorded conversation n°000.068.xxx …}

………….

It took you about an hour or so to be able to process what you have just listened to. And even then, you weren't able to fully comprehend what happened.

Ms.Bright- No, Ingrid- Ingrid has used your recording system while you were out, she probably tried deleting the file but because she was inexperienced with your kind of technology, she decided to just edit it and try to make it unlistenable.

It was- Barely audible but you still got to understand some of it.

Did she- Did she forget to completely erase it? Did she forget entirely??? You're not sure.

You don't know why but a sudden wave of- Something- Something feels so odd about this-

You don't know how to respond really. You don't feel mad about her ranting to you, you don't even feel bad about her ranting to you while you weren't aware- You feel bad, but not because of her but because of the emotional turmoil she has been hiding from you.

Should you do something? Should you say something?? How do you even- You don't know how respond to this-

You're programmed to comfort her, yet- This file is already old, and she didn't want you to remember this so maybe it won't be the best idea to bring it up, but what can you do??!

Maybe you just need to rethink this through, maybe you should listen to audio again, and try to figure out what's the best way to help her out when she comes back.

You're honestly baffled at the idea that someone like her had so much to confess to- You probably shouldn't have seen her as an unstoppable goddess in the first place, but then again- Even after hearing her open herself, even after listening to her insecurities- Your opinion of her hasn't changed.

She was holding this for so long, no wonder she always seems on edge.

She 's only human. Yet you never really saw her as just that.

She was always so much larger than you, so much stronger than what your fabricated body was, and she always sounded so much smarter and- And she was just always so… Terrifyingly beautiful to you.

Ingrid Bright was always considered a very good looking individual, but no one ever considered her to be much else because of her way of speaking to others (which may sound rude and occasionally condescending, causing others to avoid her as much as they could), but you always thought she was so much more than that-

It's hard to even explain it really, ever since you met you have started to understand the concept of how beauty and fear can mix together, you find her to be so beautiful, yet her demeanor and stature makes you feel afraid of her for some reason- And even worse than that, the fear she may unconsciously bring you makes her seem more beautiful in your eyes.

You shouldn't think of her as scary or frightening, she is your boss, your master and your owner, there is no reason for why you should feel this way towards her- But then again, there is no reason for you to even feel in the first place, you were just built to do so.

You don't think she means harm to anyone, after getting to know her you realize why her behavior can be misinterpreted as mean and scary- Ms.Bright always had a hard time socializing with others, even her family had a hard time understanding her, so maybe that's why she grew to have such a tough exterior.

As someone that was built to make the communication between CEO and employees easier, you've had to learn to understand her to be able to help others understand her as well, and vice versa. It wasn't easy, and you wouldn't say that you know her completely well- But you feel proud of the work you have done so far, you're her loyal companion but more importantly a friend.

Funny how much you learned not only about her, the employees, or even the business of the company- But also about humans in general in these five years of working for her, it makes you feel more whole when you remember how much you have achieved.

You hope you can somehow help her right now, and to help her from here on out. You decide to wait for her and possibly talk about how she feels and how she deals with said feelings. Hopefully all ends well.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Sorry for the loose ending! I was feeling very tired ;-; but if anyone wants it I could totally make a second chapter with a better ending.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#sheep's stuff #yandere oc #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x female reader #yandere x reader fanfic #yandere fanfic #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc x reader fanfic #yandere ceo fanfiction #yandere ceo x reader #yandere ceo x robot reader #yandere ceo #special delivery request #special delivery fanfiction

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harryspet · 4 years ago

Text

a long way down [3] b.barnes & s.rogers

[Warnings] dark bucky barnes x reader, dark steve rogers, violence, death, heavy angst, the walking dead au, slice of life, domestic steve, vaginal sex (wear protection, please)

A/N: I love how this was supposed to be a one-shot and now I’m finding all the ways to make this series longer and add more drama.

ADULT AND TRIGGERING CONTENT AHEAD

In which your world is shaken again and you’re forced to run back to your first safe haven.

word count: 3.4k

series masterlist

T H E N E X T S P R I N G

“She recognizes you,” You said, watching Peter’s eyes widen as the baby smiled up at him. It was currently tummy time in the living room and the two of you laid beside her, watching her explore her environment, “That’s Uncle Peter, right Margot?”

You watched her little fingers wrap around her little toys as she proceeded to put them in her mouth to taste them. Six whole months had passed since she was welcomed to this scary world and she’d already grown so much, “It’s me, Margot. It’s me,” Peter spoke in a cute voice and the baby proceeded to babble something incoherent, “Bet you I can get her to say Peter before she says Mama.”

You rolled your eyes at that as you continued to watch her, “You will be saying Mama first, missy,” You told her though she was only focused on a bright orange ring toy. You could look at her little face for hours on hours. You hadn’t felt true love until you laid eyes on her.

The long journey it took you to get here only made you love her more. You were lucky that she didn’t come too early. God forbid you needed a c-section or she was facing the wrong way. You wanted her to survive and that’s all you hoped and prayed for. When you lost too much blood and began to pass out, you were still happy knowing she’d be okay.

You didn’t think you would make it. Sharon did her best to give you the best care she could but modern medicine wasn’t available to you. You were sick and on bed rest for the first two months she was alive so now you were enjoying the time when you could move around with her. During the time you were unconscious, Steve had made the considerate decision to name the baby Margaret after some long lost love.

Margaret Rogers.

You refused to call her that and decided on a nickname of your own choosing.

“C’mere, Margot,” You sat up, lifting the baby into your lap, “Let me show you something cool, Peter.”

Peter sat up too, his eyes confused as you removed one of her little socks. She was still happily waving around the toy as you ran a finger down the sole of her foot. Her little toes spread out like a little fan, “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Peter declared and you giggled.

“It’s called the Babinski reflex. It might go away as early as twelve months so I’m going to savor the cuteness,” You encouraged Peter to try it too and the boy seemed to swoon over Margot. You moved the baby into his lap, continuing to tell him about all the little milestones that Margot was passing.

“She’s like a sponge, it’s amazing,” Peter said, bouncing the little girl in his lap, “Do you get any sleep?”

You nodded, “I’m up by five every morning but I’m used to it now. If she wakes up while I’m sleeping, Steve takes care of her. Luckily, she’s sleeping through the night.”

“Such a sweet girl,” Peter cooed, “I’m sure you’d never cause Mommy any problems.” You were lucky that Margot’s temperament was easy. She got frustrated like all other babies but she wasn’t very sensitive. You thought it meant she’d do well in a world like this.

The two of you spent more time with Margot but your peace and serenity was interrupted when both Steve and Bucky returned home. You always got the feeling that they disliked Peter being around but that never stopped you from being friends with him. Peter probably cared more for you then both of them combined.

“It’s getting late, son,” You heard Steve say, his deep voice trying to be as authoritarian as it could. Steve scared Peter, you could tell that much.

“I’ll go then,” Peter rushed out, handing the little girl back to you. Margot seemed a bit upset at his absence and you held her to you in order to keep her calm. You knew it was useless to argue about this with Steve and you doubted Bucky would have your back.

You stood up from your place on her baby blanket, using Margot’s hand to wave goodbye, “Say bye-bye, Peter,” The little girl only mumbled something incoherent, “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Margot. Goodbye, Y/N,” Peter smiled before walking out of the living room. The room went silent as Peter made his way to the front door and tension only increased

Steve walked over to greet his daughter, lifting her from your arms, “Hello, honey-bear,” Margot’s mood seemed to lift again as she recognized her Daddy and Steve’s hard exterior softened. When they were together, it reminded you how alike they looked. He lifted the giggling girl, taking a whiff of her bottom, “You need a change, don’t you?”

“I can do it-”

Steve interrupted you, “No, I’ve got it. Daddy’s gonna change you, yes he is.”

“Wash your hands please,” You told Steve who was too focused on the tiny creature. As Steve walked away to climb the stairs, your eyes met with Bucky’s. Although you liked that he was forced to face the consequences of his actions, you knew that he was still chasing your affection. He was facing his demons in order to get closer to you.

“Catch anything good?” You asked, leaning down to collect all the toys. There was a lake just outside the compound limits that Steve and Bucky frequented for their “time to just be a man” where they liked to go fishing.

“Nothing alive,” Bucky said, following you as you walked into the kitchen. You put the toys into the sink, turning the warm water on in order to clean them. Bucky leaned against the counter and you felt his gaze burning into you, “It’s still pretty peaceful out there, we didn’t run into any walkers. I was thinking we could go out there together, you could take a break like you deserve.”

“Go out there and do what?” You asked, your eyes not meeting his.

“I don’t know, have a picnic or something.”

“Or something?” You scoffed, scrubbing at the toys, “Sounds romantic.”

Bucky’s lips pressed into a thin line of frustration, “I’m trying here. I’m not good at … romantic stuff.”

“To say the least,” You added, “Bucky, I don’t need or want a break. I’m perfectly content right now.”

“You’re sure about that? You don’t have any other needs begging to be met?” You scowled at him, knowing what he was hinting at. Steve had barely touched you since you started showing and, after the rough birth, he wasn’t willing to rush into trying for a boy.

“I’m sure.”

“Looks like both the girls are down for the night,” Steve said, letting out a sigh as he sat in his desk chair. Bucky sat in the chair in front of Steve’s desk, his feet kicked up on the desk.

“What about Sharon?”

Steve rubbed his temples at the mention of the woman, “She’s been working late at the infirmary. She won’t tell me but I know it’s because my attention has been elsewhere,” Bucky was beginning to doubt Steve’s feeling for Sharon in the first place. It seemed Steve was ready to completely let the woman go due to her infertility, “I don’t really care if she doesn’t come back. Y/N and I can handle things on our own.”

Bucky only nodded, his mind already wandering elsewhere. Steve noted his friend's frustration and wondered why the man continued to bother with you. Even after all this time, Bucky still didn’t have anyone else on his mind, “What’s on your mind, Buck?”

Bucky’s fingers rubbed over his facial hair as he thought, “That Peter kid.”

Right away, Steve understood. It had been a topic they avoided despite knowing how each other felt about it, “What about him?”

“You don’t think he spends a little too much time around here? With your daughter?”

Steve didn’t believe Peter was any real threat to his family here. Steve saw him as a distraction for you. Someone who helped you forget your worries, “This is about her, Buck. You don’t want him around her.”

“Fine,” Bucky threw up his hands in defeat, “I think he’s getting in the way of Y/N letting me in again. She has Peter to be there and tell her everything's going to be alright so she doesn’t need me.”

“Tell her not to see him then. Matter of fact, tell him to stay away,” Steve spoke simply, the solution obvious in his mind.

“If she knows I had something to with it, it’ll make things worse. I have to be the good guy in her eyes.”

Steve smiled, a lightbulb going off in his mind, “Shall I be the bad guy then?”

Bucky moved his feet, leaning forward in his chair, “What are you thinking?”

“I still need someone to replace you. Someone to travel and relay messages between our camp and my allies. Peter could fill the position for the time being,” Bucky didn’t think over it long before he agreed. All that was on his mind was winning you back and this would only help his cause, “I need to keep up appearances around here anyways. We don’t need some kid running around here with our girls, right?”

“Right,” Bucky said, his mind on you, “Thanks, Steve.”

“No need, Buck. We have to look out for each other. Besides that, I think it's a good time to ask you to be my second in command.”

Margot was a complete celebrity in Liberty. You couldn’t walk on the street without people coming up to wave or to get a look at her. Margot was good with strangers which only solidified her position as princess of this place.

It was a sunny spring day and you had dressed her in a floral dress and a pink bow. You carried her in one hand and held a tupperware of deserts in the other hand. Sam wasn’t far behind but that hadn’t changed in the past year.

“We’re going to find uncle Peter, yes we are,” You cooed to the little girl who was energized from her latest nap, “And he’s going to love the cookies we made him.”

You eventually got to the barracks where Steve’s group of soldiers usually stayed, you walked through the long lines of bunk beds to find his. As you passed some men, all of them burly and intimidating, they even waved hello to your little one.

As you approached Peter’s bunk you found it empty, only a mattress sitting on top of the metal. All of his comics and textbooks were nowhere to be found. You searched around for the nearest person and found a group of older men playing some dice game, “Excuse me, do you know where Peter Parker is today? He slept over there,” You asked, pointing to Peter’s bunk.

“Packed up early this morning,” The man said, “Think he got reassigned.”

“Reassigned where?” You asked.

“Something outside of the compound. Poor kid.”

Your heart started pounding heavily as you turned back to Sam, “Take me to Steve. Now.”

“He’s on duty-”

“Find him and take me to him, Sam.”

Margot was screaming in your eyes mostly because she sensed how upset you were. As soon as you approached Steve, he swooped the little girl into his arms, trying to calm her, “What the hell are you doing?” Steve asked. He came down from one of the watchtowers, a rifle still strapped to his back, as he saw you approaching with Sam.

“Peter? Where did you send him?”

Steve sighed, “Y/N-”

“Where did you send him?” You shouted back.

“I needed a new emissary and he volunteered to do it,” Steve stated simply.

“By himself? He’s a kid, Steve!” Margot cried louder but your blood was boiling, “You’re going to get him killed!”

“We all have to earn our keep around here, Y/N. Some people put their lives on the line for a chance to live here and then people like you spread your legs for it. That’s how it works, sweetheart.”

“You’re a fucking monster,” You spat at him.

Bucky scoured the camp looking for you for a good hour. You were sitting at the bottom of a big tree, staring out into a small field. Where the field ended, the wall began. Bucky startled you when he suddenly appeared and you were quick to try and wipe away your tears.

He took a seat beside you, leaning his back against the tree. This area of the camp was peaceful, it was no wonder that you had taken a liking to it.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your face in a frown.

“I thought you didn’t need a break,” Bucky said, avoiding your question.

“This isn’t a break,” You said softly, “You’re supposed to feel relaxed on a break-” As your voice cracked and the tears started falling again, Bucky wrapped an arm around your soldier. You leaned into him and sobbed into his shoulder.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” You tried to speak as you choked on your sobs.

“He’ll be back, I promise” Bucky stated, “Probably sooner than you think. The kid can handle himself.”

“He shouldn’t have to. Margot shouldn’t have to,” You said, “It isn’t fair.”

Bucky rubbed your shoulder, drawing lines on your skin with his fingers, “I know, doll.”

It was like losing your family all over again. It was worse than losing them. At least you knew they were dead. You wouldn’t know if he was alive or dead and, if something happened, you wouldn’t even know how it happened. There were so many things outside of the walls that could get you killed.

You pulled away from Bucky gently, realizing how long it had been since you’d been in his arms. Looking into those blue eyes gave you a weird sense of familiarity. Of home, “Maybe you could talk to Steve? For me?”

Bucky nodded, “Of course, doll.”

You stared at his moment and Bucky noted the way your gaze traveled to your lips. Bucky reached over to wipe a tear from your cheek. He couldn’t hide how attracted to you he was, even when you were crying. Bucky placed a soft, hesitant kiss on your cheek, “Everything’s going to be okay. All I should worry about is your little one.”

You took a deep breath, nodding in agreement.

It must’ve been the emotions or the off-balance hormones because, when Bucky leaned into your lips, you didn’t stop him. In fact, you welcomed that touch. The soft kisses soon became more desperate and hungry. Your lips were angry, demanding as they moved against his.

It shocked Bucky as much as it did to you. Bucky was elated but he had little time to celebrate you being back in his clutches. You were hungry for something and he was going to make sure you were satisfied.

Bucky pulled you into his lap and, as you straddled him you said, “Just this once.”

“Just this once,” Bucky agreed, knowing the opposite would be true.

Your lips devoured each other and Bucky explored your mouth with his hands pulled down the straps of your sundress. As your breast sprang free, he palmed them his hand. The cold of his metal hand sent shivers down your spine but Bucky warmed you again with his mouth. He played with your nipple in his mouth causing you to bite down on your lips.

Your hands ran through his hair as you savored the feeling. As he moved his mouth away, his head tilted up at you, “You’re so beautiful,” Bucky said and you rolled your eyes, leaning down to undo his belt and zipper.

“Just fuck me, okay?” Bucky grabbed you by your ass roughly pulling you into him. He reached under your dress, tucking your underwear to the side as he positioned himself at your entrance. You could feel how hard he already was and the idea of him filling you up was making your mouth water with anticipation.

As you slowly impaled yourself on his cock, your mouth was agape. You realized how full he made you fill, how complete you felt. Bucky held your hips as you began to bounce up and down. Bucky groaned huskily, loving how your face contorted to different expressions as the pleasure went through you.

As you tried to contain your moans, Bucky placed kisses along your jaw and then on your neck. He felt all your anger and sadness as you used it as motivation, moving your body hard against his.

The two eventually met your climaxes together, your body shaking as you rode out the rest of the wave. You breathed heavily, leaning against his body. You tucked your head into his shoulder and Bucky simply wrapped his arms around you.

“Say you won’t leave again,” You whispered.

“I won’t leave you ever again, doll.”

The next day you awoke beside Bucky. You watched him as he slept peacefully, his hand over his shirtless chest and his chest slowly rising and falling. That “just this once” had turned into four times which you were sure he was happy with. You had to admit that you didn’t have that morning-after regret that you expected. Bucky had done such horrible things to you and yet he managed to bring you joy like no other.

You hated that you ran back after resisting for so long but, without Peter, you were once again feeling completely lost. Being with Bucky reminded you of simpler times and, despite the hell you knew it would bring, it was worth it just to feel that comfort.

Suddenly, you heard commotion coming from downstairs, glass shattering and Steve’s booming voice traveled through the air. You shook Bucky awake as you began to throw on some clothes, “Bucky, something’s going on!” You threw on some boots and Bucky put on a t-shirt before the two of you filed out of your room.

You heard your little girl wailing and you followed the sound. You found the front door wide open and quickly ran out of it. As you moved down the porched steps, the sight before you stopped your heart. Steve was holding Margot in one hand and a pistol in the other. A pistol that was pointing at a begging and pleading Sharon.

Bucky tried to grab your hand but you ran towards him, “Steve, what the hell are you doing?” Your eyes widened even more as you noticed that Margot had no clothes on except for a checkered dishtowel and her skin was wet.

Steve handed you the child but kept the gun pointed at the woman. By now, everyone had filed out of their homes and were watching the chaos, “She tried to drown our baby,” Was all he said, shaking with anger.

“I-I would never!” Sharon shouted back, her hands up as she laid on the gravel, “Please-”

“I fucking saw you!” Steve shouted back and you felt Bucky’s arm pulling you away. You stepped back with him, knowing that if the gun went off that you didn’t want Margot anywhere near it.

Your eyes connected with Sharon’s and there was only pure hatred there. She didn’t even look sorry for what she was being accused of, “I was helping! I was taking care of her! You know me, Steve!”

Steve didn’t believe her and you hated that you didn’t either. Was she really capable of something like this? All because of jealousy? Jealousy over a life that you didn’t even want.

“You weren’t even supposed to be in my house!” You watched as Steve cocked the gun, “You’re lucky I walked in when I did. If you had gotten away with hurting my little Margaret, I would’ve dismembered you piece by piece and I would've enjoyed it. Consider this a blessing.”

“Steve, don’t-” You pressed yourself into Bucky, trying to protect the crying child in your arms as the gun went off and the blonde woman fell limp.

Steve tucked the weapon into his belt, his muscle still tense, as he tried not to contain whatever emotions were coursing through him, “Early start today. Everyone get to work!” Steve shouted to every citizen who was listening, “And get her body off my fucking street!”

Silence fell over the small town of Liberty.

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts and predictions!

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y-blaidd-gwyn · 3 years ago

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BNHA fic idea!! (tw: talk of suicide, depression, and bullying)

My brother recently got me into My Hero Academia, and while I was watching, I got an idea for an AU that I’m probably never going to have time to sit down and try writing. So if anyone sees this and thinks they’d like to give it a shot, go ahead! And feel free to let me know, because I would definitely read it :))

Shigaraki finds Midoriya when they’re both young, Shigaraki is maybe 10 years old, while Deku is about 5 or 6?

Deku is upset about being quirkless, maybe he had a particularly bad day at school with his bullies, idk

point is, Deku kind of reminds shiggy about himself, or maybe he just thinks All For One could use this small child and give it a quirk so that it will fight for them

Somehow Deku and All For One come into contact, (maybe shiggy tells him AFO has a quirk that grants wishes or smth and so deku doesn’t know they’re villains, idk) and AFO offers to give him a quirk. He asks Deku what kind of Quirk he would like, and Deku, being the adorable and oblivious kid that he is, goes, “I want a quirk like Kacchan’s!”

so AFO steals Bakugou’s newly developed quirk and gives it to Izuku.

this is the part I haven’t fully figured out, but somehow Bakugou and Deku grow up without coming into contact again. Deku doesn’t know he literally has KACCHAN’S quirk, he thinks he just has a replica. Maybe deku’s mom dies and he’s pretty much abducted by the LOV, maybe his mom just ends up moving him to a different school, idk

I’m going to go with the dead mom plot tho because why not.

So Deku grows up with the LOV. This is where you can vary depending on what makes sense to you, but I thought maybe AFO killed his mom and made it look like an accident that involved heroes, collateral damage, all that stuff. And it either taints Deku’s view of heroes or it just makes him want to work harder and be the kind of hero that his mom had needed.

im not sure which one would work better, but growing up with the league he either knows they’re villains, or doesn’t. (my brother suggested Deku thinks LOV stands for League of Vigilantes lol)

This entire time, Bakugou has been growing up quirkless. He had one, and then he lost it.

Because of this, his little gang of bullies turned on him. He learned to control his anger and not make threats he couldn’t go through with. All of that fury that he’s always targeted outward in canon is now bottled up, and its like he’s a whole other person.

Have fun with it. He’s your character to traumatize now :))

Possible plot point: Deku still wants to go to UA and become a hero. He takes the entrance exam and passes with flying colors. Shiggy doesn’t like it at first, but who’s going to turn down the chance to have your adopted little brother basically spy on your worst enemy for you?

maybe while he’s waiting for his UA acceptance letter, or after he got it, (he could be going out to celebrate with the LOV gang?) he runs into Bakugou in public.

I thought it would be interesting (and angsty) if Deku saved Bakugou either from a villain, or, my personal preference, trying to commit suicide. (maybe he tried to get into UA and didn’t make it? Maybe he had the run in with All Might instead of Deku and just got told he couldn’t be a hero? who knows.)

Deku doesn’t recognize Bakugou at first, but when he does, he’s devastated. Bakugou doesn’t call him Deku anymore, because why call someone useless if you’re on the same level as them, right?

Everything about how Bakugou acts feels wrong to Izuku. He and Bakugou end up catching up, mostly its just small talk and Deku explaining about his mom’s death or whatever, comforting Bakugou, (Bakugou hating it) and the works.

Eventually Deku finds out that Bakugou is quirkless, and he puts together the puzzle pieces, realizing that the quirk he worked so hard to make his own was never really his at all, and he basically got into his dream school using Bakugou’s quirk.

I never really thought of where the story might go from there, but I figured Deku would probably either swear off using the quirk, or demand AFO take it away and give it back to the right person. Stuff happens, tho idk what. Do with the story as you will.

anyway, this was just a little fic idea that I’m never going to write but needed to get out of my head. Of course, if a fic like this already exists, then I’d love to go check it out, so don’t be afraid to recommend stuff to me! I apologize for the poorly thought out plot and simply nonexistent resolution T - T Little note to anyone who might decide to try writing this: I honestly don’t care what ships you would prefer to use, or even if you chose to use any at all. My main interest is how Deku and Bakugou’s dynamic shifts in this AU, and which parts of their character remain the same, versus the parts heavily influenced by their environment :))

#mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha fic ideas #mha fanfiction #mha fics #bnha fanfic idea #mha au idea #Bia's Ao3 Lightbulb #deku #bakugou katsuki #midoria izuku #all for one #the league of villains

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svtshine · 4 years ago

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Neighbor next door

pairing: Wonwoo x reader

genre: angst to fluff, Neighbors!au, nonidol!Au

type: oneshot

summary: Falling in love with your neighbour best friend

You heaved the heavy box filled with stuff back at your apartment and entered the apartment building yet again. Probably for the 6th time now. You wiped off the sweat that was forming near your forehead and making the hair stick to your face. Even with the aircon from the lift system blasting you, you were still feeling extremely hot and stuffy.

It was an extremely hot day however, you were still very excited to move into your new apartment and meet your new neighbors. You were told from the nice old landlady that the people here were of different variations. Some were working, students like you or parents with newborns or children. It was a way better environment as compared to your old apartment.

At the old district there was hardly any conversations or interactions between you and your neighbors. You clearly remembered the only interaction you had with one of the neighbors, a floor above you, to keep it down. Even though you weren't making any noise. He was a grumpy looking elderly, and he looked at you with such a aggressive look.

You looked at him strangely but apologized anyhow, wanting so badly to return to the book you were then reading. It was getting to the very best part where the charismatic male character was going to kiss the protagonist and confess to her under the mistletoe, on a cold yet beautiful winter night.

You kicked your front door with one hand balancing on the box and the other supporting the weight of the door. You placed the box on the floor where it remained with many other cardboard boxes filled completely with all your belongings.

You sighed out and proceeded to tie your hair up into a messy bun to keep it from sticking onto your face. i just have two more boxes, then i can start unboxing....god there is so much to do, you thought to yourself as you sat on the end of the sofa, taking a short break before leaving for those two boxes again.

Yes it was definitely tiring, but you still smiled to yourself as you thought about the new encounters and relationships that might form in this new building. You took a sip of your opened can of soda that was still cool and sighed out in satisfaction, as the cool liquid helped cool you down for a second and satisfy your thirst.

You smiled brightly and greeted the neighbors that you came across while moving the boxes. They were all very friendly and open in welcoming you, you made note to bake them some of your special cookies later on to thank them.

Wonwoo was just returning from the nearby convenience store, sucking on a cold soda-flavored ice popsicle. Under the sweltering heat and bright sun, this was what he needed. He was nearing the apartment building when he saw you. He didn't recognize you at all, and he was sure he recalled everyone’s faces. You were struggling with a heavier box, and he remembered the landlady coming over previously with a box of brownies and a notice that someone was going to move in to the apartment next to his.

“Wonwoo dear, someone is moving next door, isn’t that exciting” she said smiling brightly

“Really?”

“She looks really gorgeous dear, around your age, Slightly younger i believe. She is moving in next month so do welcome her warmly, ya hear me”

“Yes grandma” Everyone had the habit of calling the warm soul, grandma. She definitely did treat everyone like family, no one dared to mess with her either.

Grandma was watching Wonwoo munch on the delicious brownies and spoke up, “You know maybe you should show her around, get a little closer huh” she smirked deviously.

Wonwoo only took a sip of his milk, “Grandma this isn’t some fictional romance novel” he replied nonchalantly.

“You’d never know my dearest”

His flashback ended and he had noticed that you were still struggling with the heavy box and next to it was a smaller one. He swiftly walked towards to you and took the box from your hands with ease, “here let me help, I’m wonwoo. You must be the new tenant. floor 7, unit 11? i live next door, unit 12″ he spoke up.

it was only then you realised there was a handsome charming man holding onto your box and literally speaking to you, while you stared at him in a slight daze. Holy macaroni, his face is god-like and his voice? come to mama. You continued staring at him, mouth slightly open until he waved his hand infront of you and pulled you out of your imagination. You got flustered at the fact that you were literally swooning over a man you just met, your neighbor for god sakes and in front of him. Get it together Y/n.

“Hey, i’m Y/n nice to meet you Wonwoo” you stretched out your hand to shake his. Wonwoo placed the box on the ground and shook your hand gently with a warm smile. Grandma was right when she called you gorgeous. Wearing a tank top, pajama shorts, a messy bun and slippers, you still looked amazing.

You lifted the small box, “Thanks so much for offering to help, these are my last few boxes and i can finally start unpacking” you looked so relieved that wonwoo chuckled. “No worries, we live beside each other so it would be convenient too” He grabbed the heavy box and walked beside you towards the elevator. The two of you starting a simple conversation.

“I can’t believe we’re gonna be neighbors. Not saying i would hate it, i just kinda pictured the next door neighbor to be someone older” You wondered out loud.

“Grandma did say you were around my age, but i’m glad that you’re friendly. You’ll definitely fit right in” Wonwoo smiled at you. “she also told me that you were around my age, are you attending college?” He asked curiously, looking down at you since you were shorter than him.

“Yeah, i’m attending the college a few minutes walk from here. Psychology course..you?”

“nice, i’m attending the same school but taking business.”

Your stomach growled, you just remembered you haven’t eaten breakfast at all. Wonwoo laughed out loud and you pouted. “Why don’t i help you unpack and get some takeout so that we can share. It’ll help you save time” He suggested. You felt very touched by his kind gesture, “If you don’t mind, it’ll really help, i’ll pay for the takeout.”

The two of you unpacked and continued getting to know each other. It simply clicked between the two of you. There wasn’t any sign of awkwardness, and you never felt uncomfortable at all around him. Wonwoo made you feel at home. talking to him felt like you were reuniting with a friend from long ago.

Wonwoo held up a book from one of your boxes, “Holy shit, i’ve been trying to find this book for ages” you looked up from folding your clothes, “That is one of my favourite books, good eye. i had to queue hours to get that, but at least with the author’s signature as well” you winked at the end at him. His eyes widened and flipped to the first page where in deed, the bold yet elegant signature of the author lay. “i could lend it to you, as a thanks for helping me as well.”

Wonwoo smiled so brightly you were going to faint he looked like a kid who had just received a kitten for his birthday.

From then on, the two of you became the best of friends. Meeting earlier in the mornings to eat breakfast together before morning classes, walking to school together and even eating lunch together most of the times. Wonwoo introduced you to his big group of 13 friends, and not gonna lie when you first met them, you were really intimidated. Most of them were almost a head taller than you and you felt so small standing next to them. However, they welcomed you with open arms and you loved spending time with them and wonwoo.

Movie nights became a weekly thing after the both of you completed all the dued assignments. You would place you leg on his lap and the both of you would indulge in unhealthy snacks and sodas the whole night before falling asleep together.

Doing laundry together, studying at the library together and buying groceries together. it was normal to see the both of you together. There was never an awkward moment between the two of you. For the first time in your life, you trusted a friend that much in such a short time, it did kind of scare you at how fast you trusted this man but well wonwoo had never done anything to make you doubt him. In fact, he has been doing the opposite. Whenever you feel down about missing your parents or a bad test grade, wonwoo would hug you tight and wipe away your tears. He would do anything to make you happy like telling you about the dumb things his friends had done this week and afterwards tuck you in, sleeping on the couch just to be sure you were okay.

You entrusted him with a spare key in case of emergencies. The first time you realised what you felt for him was probably not entirely platonic was when you returned from your part time job one night. You were exhausted, it was a busy night at the restaurant and your manager had you running table to table taking orders and serving dishes. You wanted so badly to just collapse and your bed and sleep till tomorrow noon. You lazily unlocked your door and threw your bag on the floor, bending down to collect your shoes when you realised there was already someone inside your apartment. You recognised the back of Wonwoo’s head, his soft fluffy hair sitting on it giving him a nice look. Wonwoo heard some rustling and turned to find you finally home, “hey y/n welcome home, how’s work?” You organised your shoe and wonwoo came over to give you a squeeze. You felt his warmth and it felt so good to come back and wrap you arms around hi—.

your eyes opened in shock. You realised that with wonwoo, you were always happy. He made you feel at home, just by being next to you. He was your rock, and you looked forward seeing him everyday. Seeing him laying on your couch, a book in his hands when you reached home, immediately made you feel at ease and less tired. It was so natural, seeing him in your apartment, waiting for you to come home to him was normal.

oh my god. i’m falling in love with Jeon Wonwoo

After you started realising your romantic feelings for Wonwoo, you started being more cautious and aware of his behaviours. You would get flustered when your hand accidentally brushes against his when the both of you are walking. When he hugs you, you found is hard to let him go. You realised the sparkles in his eyes whenever he smiled and how much you enjoyed his laughter, never wanting it to stop.

The both of you would continue doing the stuff you’ve originally been doing. Baking together for the neighbours and grandma or going for walks in the park together. Only until one day, Wonwoo told you

“Y/n i’m so excited, i’m going to go on a date” You felt your smile falter, your heart breaking into tiny pieces. All hoped of “maybe he might feel the same way as i am” were thrown out of your window. You dug your fingernails harshly into your skin and you forced yourself to smile again

“hey that’s great, who is she?”

“Min jun, she’s in business as well. Super talented and smart and she’s really pretty too”

tears were starting to form, and you uncomfortably looked down at your lap, “That’s great, when are you guys going out?”

“Tomorrow, 6pm. I’m gonna bring her to that fancy restaurant Minghao recommended me.” Wonwoo looked so excited, it broke your heart even more.

“but won its movie night tomorrow” you said softly. “Don’t worry i’ll get back in time, just maybe a little late” eyes focused on his clothes. He picked out a button down and showed it to you, “Hey do you think this looks like date material”

“yeah” you mumbled. playing with your fingers, trying to distract yourself from breaking down infront of wonwoo. That night you left his apartment earlier than usual, telling him you still had some assignments to complete. If assignments meant crying the whole night.

the next day, you didn’t see wonwoo that much since you had more classes than usual. You were surprised you were still able to pull through them. Your doorbell rang and you opened it to see Wonwoo.

He was dressed nice in the same button down and jeans. His wrist adorned an elegant watch and his hair was styled nicely. he smelled of fresh shave. Your heart was pounding in your chest at how handsome he looked. “Wish me luck Y/n, i’m going to pick her up now” he smiled, showing how excited he was.

“have a great time Won” You said softly, knowing you wouldn’t have a great time knowing the person you love was going to meet someone else. Wonwoo waved goodbye to you and you closed the door. Sliding down the cool wooden surface and onto the ground, bringing your knees together and bawling your eyes out.

It was about 1 am, you sat on the couch waiting for Wonwoo to return for movie night. this heavy feeling of regret on your chest. You wanted to tell him about your feelings, at least let him know how deeply you felt for him. you knew you couldn’t pretend how much it didn’t affect you that he didn’t feel the same way about you.

The doorknob jingled and you realized it was wonwoo unlocking the door. You stood up and cleaned your sweaty nervous palms on your pajamas. Wonwoo opened the door and was shocked to see you still awake and waiting for him, snacks laid out on the coffee table and tv switched on to the netflix channel. “Y/n i wanted to check if you gone to bed already. I’m so sorry, we had such a good time i lost track of it and i walked her home”

Your heart once again broke at the fact that he had a great time. Of course you wanted him to find a nice girl, but it hurt you so much knowing it wasn’t you. “Wonwoo it’s fine...i need to tell you something and it’s really serious” Wonwoo rushed to you and the both of you sat on the couch. “look won, i really treasure our friendship but i just have to get it off of my chest. i-i love you, but more than a friend loves her bestfriend.” The hand that wonwoo used to hold your hand slowly retracted from yours.

“i know you don’t feel the same way” you said, your voice slightly breaking because your tears started dropping freely. “But you found someone, Min jun, who is much better than me anyways. Treasure her okay? i just want you to be happy and if you’re the happiest with her, then she is the road to go” Wonwoo instinctively raised his hand to wipe away your tears, but he brought it back down at the last second. “Y-y/n i’m so sorry, but i-i just don’t feel the same as you do. i really wished that i did” he looked down at his lap

You sighed out, “It’s fine wonwoo, it’s not your fault either, i just want to lay down now so goodnight. See you later Alligator”

“Goodbye crocodile” Wonwoo mumbled.

You snuggled closer into your blankets as you heard wonwoo leave the apartment and let the tears flow freely.

You know what hurts the most? Loving someone who didn’t love you back.

Wonwoo didn’t sleep that night. you were on his mind the whole time. Guilt spreading his entire body as he could still remember the way you looked when you confessed your feelings to him. The way he wanted to hold you so tight then and chase all your problems away. He reached out his hand to wipe away your tears without even thinking but backed away in the end.

He raised his hand in front of his face and stared at it. he knew he didn’t think of you as anything else but a friend.....right? He recalled all the memories he shared with you, food fights when the both of you woke up at 3 in the morning and had the terrible idea to bake cookies right then. The way your eyes lit up as you stared at the fishes in the sea aquarium. How bright your smile was when he brought you to a cat cafe. Oh god he loved your smi--

Wait no. He thought, i like Min jun, yeah the girl i’m going out with. Right?

He didn’t see you around that much anymore. You didn’t invite him in for breakfast. You walked to college on your own and you ate lunch that you have already prepared yourself. Wonwoo’s heart broke knowing you were purposefully avoiding him, trying to get over him. He himself spent countless of nights trying to get you out of his mind. But his mind always wandered back to you, have you been eating properly? Taking enough rests? or overworking yet again. he hasn’t been taking care of himself. Meals were half eaten, his eyes were dull and he hardly smiled anymore. he just wanted to see you again

your smile, your eyes, your gorgeous face, your kind heart.

his head kept convincing himself, Min jun, Min jun, Min jun.

but his heart chanted, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n.

Glasses clinked together, waiters moving around swiftly. Under dim lighting, Wonwoo stared at his date, Seo min. Seo min was talking about her new designer bag that she bought. Wonwoo zoned out of the conversation tapping his fingernails on the table, he switched his phone on from under the table and stared at the screensaver. It was a selfie of you and Wonwoo.

Seo min clicked her fingers to gain wonwoo’s attention. “Hey you okay? you seem distracted”

Wonwoo rubbed his face and flashed her a fake smile, “erm yeah i’m sorry, what were you saying?”. she continued droning on and Wonwoo had to put in so much focus just to hear what she was saying. He realised how similar the both of you looked. H/c hair, same hair length, height. But she wasn’t you. She didn’t want to get know Wonwoo, she didn’t care to ask if he was taking care of himself.

oh god, i’m in love with Y/n, wonwoo realised

“S-Seo min, i-i need to go, i’m sorry. and i can’t see you anymore. Here is the money for this meal. i have to go” before Seo min could even say anything, Wonwoo was running out of the restaurant.

Wonwoo ran like he never ran before, every breath came out as a light smoke as he ran through the cold wintery streets towards the apartment building. He climbed up the stairs as he was too impatient.

Wonwoo impatiently knocked on your door, panting heavily from running and climbing so far. He waited for you to open the door and brushed through his hair.

The multiple knocks on your door made you put down your book and hot chocolate. “I’m coming!” you said, wondering who was visiting you at this hour. You opened the door and was shocked when you saw Wonwoo panting like he just ran miles.

“Won-” wonwoo stopped you by placing his lips on yours, slowly snaking his arms around your waist and pulling you impossibly closer. You were shocked for a second, but hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. You broke the kiss first, leaning away and placing your hands on his face waiting for him to talk

“Y/n, these few week has been misery. As cliche as it sounds, it wasn’t the same without you. I missed you so much, your smile, your laughter, everything. Cooking with you, studying with you and even doing laundry together” Wonwoo said voice slightly quivering as all his emotions poured out for you. “i realised as much as i was attracted to Min Jun, my heart belonged to you. I love you, and i didn’t see it before but i really do. I hope that you’ll consider me again and i’ll really like to bring you out” he finished

You gave him a small peck on the lips, “of course Wonwoo.” He gave you the brightest smile, knowing he has you back in his life and that you love him as well, made him the happiest man alive

He wrapped his arms below your knees and carried you into your apartment and onto your bed. The two of you kay and cuddled for a while. Talking about the events that happened when the two of you weren’t talking.

With you, Wonwoo felt like himself. In contrast to how he felt when he was with Min jun. That night he kissed you goodnight and had the best sleep in a few weeks.

Wonwoo has been bringing you on dates for a couple of weeks now, but he hasn’t officially asked you to be his girlfriend. Regular activities such as having breakfast together and spending time together resumed.

On christmas morning, you woke up earlier to make pancakes for the two of you. A pair of arms wrapped around you from behind, you let out a small yelp and Wonwoo’s deep chuckle made your hair on the back of your neck rise.

You turned around and gave him a kiss, “Good morning won.”

“Good morning baby”

You raised your head to realised the mistletoe that you hung were above you guys.

“look won” pointing to the mistletoe, “looks like i get another kiss”

Wonwoo looked up as well, “Well darling, i have one question. Would you like a kiss from won? or a kiss from your boyfriend Won?” he said bringing you closer. “because i would definitely love to kiss my girlfriend Y/n, not just Y/n.”

you can’t believe he was asking you to be his girlfriend, and on christmas morning under the mistletoe. It was a perfect moment. Your hand wrapped against your mouth in disbelief as wonwoo continued staring at you. You finally nodded frantically and Wonwoo’s face erupted into a big smile

He brought you in for a kiss. A kiss under the mistletoe, from your boyfriend next door.

Masterlist

#seventeen #svt #boyfriend #scenario #fluff #wonwoo #Jeon wonwoo #Wonwoo fluff #wonwoo boyfriend #neighbours #wonwoo angst #angst to fluff

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hailing-stars · 4 years ago

Text

@febuwhump day 18 “I can’t see”

burning, crying, allergies

summary

“No, Tony,” says Peter. He pulls his hands back up to his eyes. “I’m not crying… I just, my eyes are burning… like I have allergies.”

“I can’t see,” says Peter, more water leaking from his eyes. His voice sounds a bit wheezy too, and he notices that his breathing isn’t as easy as it had been just an hour ago, when he had been outside.

“What? Did you give yourself a stress migraine? Maybe you should take a break, and we’ll get back on the schoolwork tomorrow…”

Peter and the Starks discover he has a new spider-related allergy to deal with.

Flames eat the logs in the makeshift fireplace, and Peter’s mesmerized by it. He watches it with a contentment in his chest that he’s got no business feeling. He’s got way too much to do to feel this peaceful, and yet he doesn’t think it’s possible to feel any other way.

Ditching New York and driving down to Tony’s cabin for the weekend had been intended to help focus on his studying, to create a distraction free environment to power through an essay and a project he’d been avoiding for weeks.

But that hadn’t been what happened.

Instead he’d been greeted by Tony standing over the grill and Morgan jumping up and down, believing he was there simply to play with her. Peter is never great about saying no, so they swam in the lake while Tony grilled up their dinner, and once it got dark, Tony had sent Peter to the barn to haul some firewood and Pepper had built the bonfire.

The bug spray Tony had forced on him made him sneezy, but no matter how determined Peter was to dodge him and the spray bottle, the man hadn’t been persuaded to let him get away with going without it.

“That’s the only bad thing about spring down here,” Pepper had told him, at least looking at Peter with some sympathy after Tony had attacked him with the insect repellent. “The bugs are unstoppable. We had to have a team come out and treat the house yesterday.”

They had roasted marshmallows and eaten smores. They had told stories and laughed, and despite being sneezy and unproductive, Peter had had a good time. A quality Friday night, with his second family, but as the flames start to die out, Peter comes to terms with the fact that it’s over and it’s time to start on his projects.

“You’re so boring,” Tony tells him, after Peter announces he’s leaving him to hit his books. “And responsible.”

Pepper pokes Tony with a roasting stick. “Leave him alone.”

“I’m not really that responsible,” says Peter, lifting himself out of the lawn chair. “I waited until the last minute.”

“You’re getting it done,” says Pepper. “That’s all that matters now.”

Pepper offers to mentor him in time management, while Tony rambles about how he could always just start in the morning and wing it, and while Morgan takes advantage of her parents not paying attention to poke at the dying fire with a stick, causing ashes and sparks to fly.

Eventually, he manages to stumble into the house and set up a study station with his laptop, his school books, his highlighters and pens and multiple notebooks. He organizes his materials, arranges his notecards, and he’s ready to begin.

Except he’s not.

He’s just staring at his blank Google docs screen. He tries to switch to taking notes from his textbook, but the words jumble on the page and his eyes get blurry. They get blurry and watery and they don’t stop until he’s got actual tears streaming down his face, until they’re burning and no amount of rubbing them relieves them.

“Pete?”

Peter recognizes that it’s Tony’s voice, but that’s just it, he’s got to rely on his ears to do his seeing for him, as his eyes are useless. He doesn’t respond. Just buries his face into his hands and claws at his eyes.

“Kid,” says Tony. He grips his shoulder and sits down next to him. “Are you crying?”

He jabs at his eyes some more until Tony pries them away.

“It’s okay if you need help on your projects,” says Tony. “Between me and Pepper you’ve got one point five responsible adults to help you out.”

“What? Did you give yourself a stress migraine? Maybe you should take a break, and we’ll get back on the schoolwork tomorrow…”

“No, Tony,” says Peter. He pulls his hands back up to his eyes. “I’m not crying… I just, my eyes are burning… like I have allergies.”

As if on cue, he sneezes.

“Allergies? But you were fine outside…” Tony’s voice trails off, and it’s as if it clicks together in both their heads at the same time.

Tony grips his arm, pulls him to his feet, and directs him through the house and out the front door, where a welcome fresh breeze hits him and combs through his hair.

He sits on the porch swing, and after only a few seconds, he blinks and the burning in his eyes reduces to only an itch.

“Better?”

“Yeah,” says Peter, with a breath. “Way better.”

“Fantastic,” says Tony. “You’re allergic to insecticide.”

Peter groans. Just another way his spider DNA makes him weak to completely normal, everyday substances.

“So earlier when you were spraying me down with bug spray,” says Peter. He blinks, trying to get his eyes back to normal. “You were actually trying to kill me.”

“Shame it wasn’t successful,” says Tony, without missing a beat.

“Rude,” says Peter. “You know you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” says Tony. “The real question is whether or not I love you enough to try and invent a bug spray you aren’t allergic to, or if I let the mosquitoes feast on your blood.”

“Mosquitoes carry diseases. I could die.”

“Well I guess that pretty much forces my hand, doesn’t it?”

Peter laughs, then gets lost in thought. “Do you think mosquitoes turn into mosquito-spiders when they suck my blood?”

“Kid.” A look of pure terror crosses Tony’s face, and he shakes his head. “I’m gonna have nightmares now.”

“Peter.”

He looks up from the tent he’s assembling. Among the tarps and the connectors and the poles, Morgan stands wearing her pajamas and her Spider-Man slippers.

“I’m so happy you’re allergic to Repel,” she tells him. “Now we get to camp out outside and sleep in sleeping bags! It’s so awwessome.”

“Thanks, Mo,” says Peter. “I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome,” she sings, and breaks out into the Disney song as she dances away.

The Moana song will be stuck in Peter’s head all night now, and he’s humming it under his breath when Tony comes by and drops some lanterns on the ground next to where Peter’s trying to work.

“Really gotta stop letting her play that movie all day,” says Tony.

“Like you can tell her no,” jokes Peter.

“Yeah. Good point.”

They work together quietly, and are able to assemble the family sized tent they will spend the night in, by moon and lantern light. Only Pepper opts to stay in the house, firmly stating that if she were meant to be sleeping on the ground, she would have been born centuries earlier.

Morgan’s the first to fall asleep once inside the tent and cuddled inside her sleeping bag. She manages to be completely knocked just after declaring she’ll stay up the longest.

Tony kisses the top of her head, and Peter feels guilty when he rearranges to get comfortable.

“You don’t really have to sleep out here, on the ground, with us,” says Peter. “Just cause I’m allergic to your house.”

“Are you kidding me?” says Tony. “This is great.”

“Great? Really?”

“Yeah,” says Tony. “Never really got to do this stuff with my dad. Figured I should give it a try, even if it’s hell on my back.”

Peter laughs.

“So,” says Tony. “You gonna tell me what’s the deal with the homework?”

“Homework?”

“Why all of the sudden you’re mister wait until the last minute.”

“Oh,” says Peter. He stares up at the tarp. The shadow of the tree is visible thanks to the rays of moonlight. They sway with a gentle breeze, and Peter decides he’s got no choice but to be honest. “I can’t really concentrate on things… you know, ever since getting back.”

“That’s normal.”

Peter nods against his pillow. Of course he knows it, always has known that returning from the dust wouldn't be as easy as opening his eyes after a nap, but it’s nice to hear someone say it out loud. Someone he respects as much as he respects Tony.

“I wasn’t kidding earlier when you weren’t crying,” says Tony. “I’ll help you with your projects, even if it’s just bringing you coffee and keeping you on task.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure thing, kid.”

It’s a solution Peter would’ve been too ashamed to ask for without any prompting, but one he’ll gladly accept if it means putting the semester behind him.

“Thanks, Tony. I could really use the help.”

“Yep,” says Tony. “You know now that you’re allergic to bug spray I have the perfect keep Peter away spray. Every time I want to keep my fridge stocked I can just have the house treated for insects.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Can I have that engraved on a trophy?”

“Sure,” says Peter. “Why not?”

Tony laughs, and the tent grows quiet, except for the branches above them, still being brustled by the wind, and the lake, the calm ripples of water against shore. It’s a great thing, he thinks, before he drifts off, to be allergic to bug spray, just for this moment.

#febuwhumpday18 #irondad #my fic #irondad fic #Peter has alleriges

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