#I recognize I am not the target but I get so mad when I see them take out custom bookcases

[mearcatsreturns]

do interior designers not read books? I swear that every time I see a designer take on a room, they remove bookcases. And when they do have them, they just put coffee table books and decorative objects. what do you do if you actually like to read and need storage for your books, some of which may actually be *gasp* paperbacks?

[rxmxa]

𝐥𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐮𝐩 ❤️‍🔥

my ideas + observations on what lilith aspects might look like in daily life <3

Lilith-Sun Aspects: Getting noticed right away by people especially when a group setting, being liked by people on the surface level but secretly they disapprove or frown at your actions when you turn around, men judging you, standing your ground at all costs, not knowing when to back down, being a natural leader, challenging societal norms with who you are and forms of self expression, walking into a meeting or class wearing a bold outfit and peoples heads turning but not a word is uttered, getting dress-coded at work or school, your boss or teachers feeling uncomfortable to say something to you, people feeling like you are being "messy" when you question the norms, not addressing rumors. knowing you're gonn stir things up when you are walking into rooms and not caring, being told to change, being told you're too much, men wanting to date you but then wishing you would be "easy to work with" or wanting to date you and then get mad when they can't dominate you, you thinking "what don't they fucking understand? I just don't want to be like them" being afraid of your individuality not being recognized that you go to extremes at some moments

Lilith-Moon aspects: the type of people to actually answer with the truth when you ask them how they're doing and then you're kind of shook because you thought they were gonna sugarcoat and be like "I'm fine" being painfully honest or blunt, talking about feelings considered taboo (like no one really likes to talk about how they are jealous or bitter or other shit like that, they just hide it or project it) but lilith-moon will say they're feeling that shit. this reminds of the song wildflower by billie eilish. this aspect is women talking shit about you, having trauma with you, women in your life judging you or pointing fingers at you for not falling into the "good girl" category. being told you're wrong for how you feel, feeling intense or moody and other people being able to pick up on it, other people seeing you as magnetic but also unpredictable and they can admire you for being real with them but it also might scare them, mom saying you are a wild child or just too much to deal with when you get "emotional", you wanting to yell "no im not fucking okay and im not gonna sit here and pretend I am"

Lilith-Venus aspects: men want you and see being with you as a challenge, they want to be with you to show off but then get mad when they cant change you, being called a "tease" or saying that you lead people on, men lying about you, spreading rumors about you, men saying they "talked to you" or dated you after texting you LMAOOO.. just fucking lying! being villanized for your beauty, your beauty feeling like its making you a target, women seeing you as competition, women spreading rumors about your beauty (oh she probably got this and this done or oh she shes only pretty because xyz), men in relationships looking at you and thinking you are manipulating them when you're not doing anything, feeling like anything venus related (beauty, art, relationships) in your life gets distorted, your relationships always feeling like a battlefield, being sensual + in tune with your femininity and then people expect you to tone it down, you might do something like wear red lipstick or heels or a nice dress and be told its too much but someone without this energy in their chart probs wouldnt get that reaction, you wondering "what's the difference between me and her? Why do they treat her like that and me like this?"

Lilith-Mercury aspects: being blunt, hurting someones feelings without meaning to, getting criticized for whatever you say, trying to be more "polite" but then it feels so exhausting, cursing a lot, cursing from a very young age and/or in professional settings, saying what other people refuse to say for the sake of being polite or because its a "superior" this is the person that in the meeting will the supervisor "In my opinion, this isnt a good idea and it isnt helpful to us", people talking shit behind your back, the person who dissects other peoples words down to the stutter, punctuation and fucking COMMA! How did they say it? What word did they say first? lilith-mercury will read between the lines and force you to say what you are refusing to say or putting in a passive aggressive manner, might refuse to engage with passive agressive people until they say it with their chest, "could you repeat that?" energy, "what did you mean by that?" energy knowing damn well what they meant, talking about politics at the dinner table during the family reunion, talking about sex in the break room at work, playing the devils advocate, reading smut, writing smut, loving dirty talk. trying to use their words for something good but people always making them feel like everything they say is just always wrong, pausing before they strike with their tongue, hating small talk, feeling uncomfy with small talk, people trauma dumping or ovesharing or vice versa, feeling suspcious of people that use pretty words with them, they wonder "What do they want from me? They're trying to get something from me...."

Lilith-Mars aspects: the first to get to moving and get shit down, getting easily annoyed at people that dont have the same drive, being angry at weak people or people that cant keep their word, "Are you gonna help or just fucking stand there?", being seen as abrassive, people avoiding you or shrinking back because of it, men wanting to compete with you, people feeling threatened by your ambition, the type to get nice things in life and people spread rumors that you had to xyz to get it, people thinking you're being confrontational or too angry when you address something face to face and up front, feeling out of control with your anger as a kid, people trying to push your buttons to try to get a reaction of you and then acting shocked when they do, fiercely independent in their routines, working out intensely, craving intensity in relationships, lines blurring between love and war "If I'm going to be the bad guy might as well get something out of it"

Lilith-Saturn aspects: a major dislike of authoritative figures, feeling resentful at being told what to do, wanting to do the opposite of what you do, "im not following this rule just because its always been followed", setting your own standards and expectations, "I prefer to find out for myself", questioning the system or cultural and societal norms and traditions that you find antiquated or unfair, people respecting you for your disciple but wishing you were easier to boss around, other people saying you're too cold or detached but you just dont wanna give them the chance to fuck you over, finding peace in the space between order and chaos and you perfecting that mix, wondering if life would be easier if you were "softer", choosing to form your own opinions on people, "thanks but I can decide for myself", feeling like you're held to expectations other people aren't

Lilith-Pluto aspects: not afraid to talk about the ugly shit in life, the taboo, trauma, control, power struggles, fear, jealousy because youve been familiar with it before, people being a little afraid of you, people saying youre too intense or even dangerous, people projecting onto you and getting mad or "disgusted" with you when you see right through them, being able to pick up on changes in peoples mannerisms, digging deeper in conversations, people suddenly confessing things to you, people not understanding why they feel drawn to your presence, people either approach it or go in the other direction, you come across as someone who has been through a lot but its only made you stronger, "im not afraid of the dark parts of life", going through something traumatic and years later thinking about it and coming to realization that you wouldn't change a thing, that it made you who you are, being okay with being seen as the villian in someones story

[charmingly-helpless]

the agent and the killer (pt 2)

pairing: unsub!emily prentiss x agent!reader

warnings: SMUT!!, talks of murder

word count: 1237

Read on AO3

Part 1 Part 2

A few weeks have passed since Emily intruded your house. When the team arrived that night, you easily lied to them, saying that someone had broken into your kitchen while you were upstairs. What they didn’t know was that you’d wiped off Emily’s fingerprints from the door and cleaned her shoe tracks off the floor. With nothing much to go on, and nothing stolen, the team left with an officer stationed outside your door.

Since your encounter, Emily couldn’t stop thinking about you. No matter how she tried to shake it from her mind, she couldn’t help but feel the strong pull towards you, like a moth to the flame. 

She sat alone in her apartment on her couch, drinking a glass of whiskey as she tried to figure things out. Suddenly, the sound of her phone ringing pulled her out of her thoughts. Emily picked it up, seeing the “Unknown Number” lighting up on her screen. She hesitated for a moment before pressing the green button in curiosity.

“Hi, Emily.”

Emily’s brows furrowed in surprise as she recognized your voice. “Agent (Y/L/N). This is my burner phone, how did you get this number?”

“Penelope isn’t the only technologically gifted person on the team.”

Emily could practically hear your smirk through the phone. 

“So, you found my number. What is it you wish to talk about? Or… Did you call only to hear my voice?” Emily asked the question mockingly, but she secretly hoped that was the reason why.

“I have questions. And I want answers.”

Emily rolls her eyes and falls back on the couch. “Well then, let’s hear them.”

“Why me? Because I took your job? Or for other reasons? I’m not your usual type.”

“Not my type for victims, no,” Emily smirks. “You’re young and alone. You’re an easy target. You’re involved with my old team, which gives me a fun challenge. And… maybe you just caught my eye.”

“I caught your eye, hm?”

“Shut up.”

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t turn you in.”

“Only one? Let me think…” Emily took a sip of her drink. “You’re just as attracted to me as I am to you. You’re curious how far we could take this.”

Emily smiled after your sigh over the phone. “You can deny it all you want, agent. But I know you’ll regret it if you turned me in. There’s a pull between us, and I know we won’t be able to ignore it. So… What happens now, then, agent? Will you turn me in?”

Across town, your eyes fall closed at the sound of Emily’s seductive voice, your desire hard to deny.

“I’m coming over.”

You hung up the phone before Emily could reply, and made a mad dash to your car.

Just ten minutes later Emily was alerted by a knock at her door. The moment she opened the door, you crashed your lips against hers, hands landing on her hips.

A small moan of shock escapes Emily’s lips as she shut and locked the door, kissing you back. Her hands wander up and down your side, guiding you to the couch. The taste of whiskey lingered on Emily’s lips, making you groan softly. Your body shivered under Emily’s cold hands that had found their way under your shirt, pressing against your hot skin.

You slipped your hands under her thighs, lifting her up. A small noise of surprise tumbles out of Emily’s lips as you trap her against the wall. At this new position, she wraps her legs around your hips, bringing you impossibly close. Your mind grows hazy with hunger and lust, and Emily’s head spins with desire. She couldn’t get enough, she needed more of you.

Emily’s eyes widen in surprise when you suddenly turn and set her down on the couch, her breathing coming in short pants as she looks up at you. You crawled over her body, holding yourself up with one arm while the other moved to the waistband of her sweatpants. When Emily gives you a nod of consent, your hand slips under and comes in contact with her heat while you sucked at her neck.

Emily was a moaning mess under your fingers and kisses, her breath catching in her throat as she approached the edge. 

“Oh my god…” she whispered softly, twisting her fingers in your hair. 

Finally, the band in her stomach snapped and Emily groaned your name in pure bliss into your ear. You slowed your hand, gently guiding her down from her high, relishing in your ability to make her feel good.

As Emily’s breathing evened out, you sat back, the shame of the situation eating at you. Emily opened her eyes after a few moments to look at you, feeling the shift in the air and sensing your sudden change of mood. She sat up slowly, moving closer to you.

“Are you alright?” she spoke softly, her voice full of worry.

You shut your eyes, pressing your palm into your eye to ease the oncoming headache.

“You’re a serial killer. I’m an agent. This can’t happen, this shouldn’t have happened.”

Emily’s heart sunk at your words, not wanting to accept the truth. She sighed.

“You’re right.”

You swallow. “But I can’t find it in me to stop.”

Your breath hitches as you and Emily make eye contact, both of your hearts speeding up in sync. Your lips parted as you observed the reflection of a lamp in her big brown eyes, your hesitation overpowered by your feelings for her.

“What are you saying, (Y/N)?”

You found yourself lost in the domestic scene, her hair tousled and cheeks rosy. 

“No one can know about this.”

The thought of being a secret sent a thrill running through Emily’s body. 

“No, no one can know,” Emily whispered in agreement, her hand squeezing your knee.

“No one’s seen your face, so you’re not tied to your… crimes. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get caught eventually.”

Emily’s brows furrowed, knowing where this conversation was going. “Okay…”

“You have to stop. You can’t kill people anymore,” you watch for her reaction.

Emily nodded. “Okay.”

You lifted a brow in surprise.

“Really?”

Emily smirked. “What? You thought I wouldn’t agree so easily?”

You nodded, “Well, yeah.”

Emily took your hand, clasping it between hers. “I don’t like being told what to do, but I don’t like the thought of losing you more.”

You felt your cheeks heating up under her soft gaze, turning away with a smile. “For a ruthless killer, you’re pretty mushy-gushy.”

Emily laughed, the sound making your smile wider. “Oh, you have no idea how mushy-gushy I can be, especially when it comes to someone like you.”

You rolled your eyes while hers twinkled with mischief, the both of you leaning into the couch. Emily pulled you closer, grazing the shell of your ear with her teeth. 

“So, agent… Just how much of a secret do you want this to be? How much would you like to see of my mushy-gushy side?”

You moan quietly, turning to see Emily’s smirk. She lunged forward, sending you falling onto your back as she straddled on top of you. 

“Don’t tempt me now, agent… You wouldn’t be able to handle my true self.”

You propped yourself up on your elbows, staring at her through your lashes with a wicked grin.

“Oh, you have no idea how much I can take.”

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Epilogue

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

nsfw, minors dni

A season had passed since I decided to throw everything away for Roger.

Alfons and Elbert: Roger’s cheating?

I confided my recent troubles to the two as we ate the sweets that Liam had brought back as souvenirs.

Elbert: …Why do you think so?

Kate: As Roger’s exclusive fairytale keeper, Roger and I have been doing everything together, haven’t we? Lately, something hasn’t been feeling right when we’re together. For example, after sleeping together, I find him gone the next morning. And the other day—

~~ Flashback ~~

Kate: Huh? Roger, are you getting off here?

Roger: Yeah, I got something I need to do. Be a good girl and head home.

Kate: Eh, ah…Roger!

~~ End flashback ~~

Kate: —Something like that happened. Still, that’s not enough proof so I don’t think—

Alfons: Guily. He’s 100% cheating.

Kate: Huh?

Alfons: Consider this. Before he met you, he was a man that would only have one night stands to satisfy his sexual urges. He may know romantic love, but a person’s nature doesn’t just change. That man doesn’t consider it cheating and continues doing what he does.

(...I-Isee. I’m in shock and my head’s spinning)

Kate: …If that were the case, then how do I keep Roger’s heart?

Alfons: Oh, you’re not thinking “I’m going to dump him!”?

(I wonder if I’d feel more at ease if I did)

Kate: It’s how it is. I could never hate him.

Alfons: Poor Kate. If that’s the case, let me show you a better method.

Elbert: …? …??

--

When Kate left after Alfons showed her the “better method”, Elbert somberly opened his mouth to speak.

Elbert: Al.

Alfons: What is it? You’re giving me quite the look of disapproval.

Elbert: …You liar.

Alfons: Oh my, you sound like Harrison. Yes, what I said about him “absolutely cheating” was a lie. That damn egoist is so madly in love with Kate it makes me laugh. No doubt he is doing something for her.

Elbert: …Then why did you say he was cheating?

Alfons: It was just a way for me to pass the time of course. After all, I am the type that loves causing trouble without taking any responsibility for it. And… Minor issues are nothing but a bit of spice for a pair in love’s lives. 

--

(...Alright, now I just have to wait for Roger to come back)

At that moment, the door to Roger’s room opened—

Roger: Oh, Kate. You’re here? I was just about to go see you—

Kate: Roger!

Roger: Hm? Hmm?

I tackled Roger and kept pushing…

Roger: Woah!

Eventually I pushed him down onto the bed.

~~

Alfons: Be more bold and sexy…Nothing is more arousing than that. All you need to do is make him believe so. If you torment his body, you’ll have his heart!

~~

Kate: Roger…please open your mouth.

Roger: ……What? Mnn…

I placed a hand on his cheek and gave him the most sensual kiss I could muster.

I know I’m an idiot for just accepting everything Alfons said, but that’s just how deeply and madly in love I am with Roger.

While I was trying out different methods, I smelled perfume I didn’t recognize on Roger and I felt a lump in my throat.

Kate: …Haaa, Roger…I know you’ve been distracted by someone else.

Roger: …O_O

Kate: But I can’t be without you. So… I’m going to make you fall in love with me over and over! I will absolutely not give up!

Roger: Pfft… Hahahahaha! You really are growing into my type of woman. Amazing.

Kate: W-what? Don’t try to change the subject!

Roger: I’m not trying to. And who the heck’s distracting me?

Kate: You’ve been acting weird lately. And look! You smell like perfume right now!

Roger: Let’s start from the beginning, Kate.

--

Roger: Damn it, Al. He was saying shit to provoke you again. With how you are, you should know you’re an easy target.

Kate: …I’m ashamed of myself. But the perfume—

Roger: I went back to my folks’ place. My little sister was there so we hugged as a greeting.

(I see. I do remember you saying you have a lot of younger brothers and sisters)

Kate: …Your folks’ place?

Roger: Kate, hand me the bag over there.

I handed him the bag he had tossed aside when I pushed him down and he took out a stack of papers.

Roger: Since I’m the eldest son, I have the deed to the Barel family’s land. And this is the account where the property and assets are saved. And this—well, we can look over it later. All of this will be yours someday.

Kate: W-wait! I’m confused…Why are you giving me something so valuable?

Roger: Why?...Well*

Roger smiled and sat up halfway with me still straddling him.

Roger: You threw everything away, your house and your job, for the one you love. I know it’s not easy to let go of what you’ve built up. The whole time I was thinking if there was anything I could do for you.

Kate: The whole time?

Roger: Yeah, the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been thinking about something other than research.

(Roger’s been preparing this for me this whole time)

(But…)

Kate: Why?

Roger: Because I love you.

Kate: I-I already know that! But this…

Roger: Yeah, looks like an inheritance, like I’m dying, doesn’t it?

Kate: ……Yes.

Roger: I won’t go so easily. In fact I’m even thinking about doing research on how to live longer.

I blinked at the absurd thought and Roger lowered his voice just a bit.

Roger: But I can’t promise you that I won’t die. There’s a chance that you’ll get left behind. If that time comes, I wanna be sure you’re not lonely or helpless. That’s all. After everything we’ve been through, you’re not gonna forget me right?

Kate: …

Roger: Kate. If you give something up, I’ll make up for it. This isn’t some sort of kind devotion though. It’s my ego wanting to completely fill your life with me.

It’s like I was choking on the love Roger threw at me without hesitation.

Kate: …Roger.

Roger: …Hm?

Kate: You love me, don’t you…?

Roger: Pfft, haha! A little late to ask that, dummy.

Roger removed his glasses and kissed me.

(Ah…)

Kate: …You have dark circles.

Roger: Haven’t been able to sleep well lately. Probably for the past 2 or 3 days?

Kate: Sleep! Now!

Roger: Don’t wanna.

Kate: Eh?

Roger: Still need to punish you for thinking I was cheating. And I haven’t held you for days.

Roger never hides his desires at times like this.

Every time I’m hit with his desire, my own desire grows in response…

Kate: Then…get some sleep after.

Roger: You know, you’re so cute that I don’t know if you’re gonna be okay in the future. But it’s fine. I’ve caught you.

Kate: Huh..Eep…

My view flipped as Roger pushed me down on the bed.

As he displaced my blouse and rained kisses down my neck, my body became hotter, more pliant, and ready.

Roger: Hm, what’s with the sexy underwear?

Kate: Ah, I got this from Alfons—

Roger: …I hate it. I’m tearing it off.

Kate: Ah…!

After tearing my underwear off, Roger’s rough hands grabbed my breasts.

I bucked my hips as his wet tongue lapped at my nipples, which started to stiffen from stimulation. 

Kate: Ah, nnnn.

Roger: Haha…You’re so red. I was gonna punish you, but you’re too cute.

Roger placed his hands on my knees and his lips between my legs—

Roger: Instead, I’m gonna show you how I’m so in love with you that I’d never cheat.

Kate: Eh, ah…ahh!

While licking my bud, thick fingers entered me and started thrusting in and out. A dizzying sense of pleasure shot through me.

Obscene sounds could be heard…

Kate: Nn, ah…if you…

Roger: You’re such a good girl, getting all wet when I lick you here.

Even after reaching my climax several times, Roger’s hand didn’t relent and instead, did more embarrassing things to me.

(...I can’t anymore…)

Kate: Roger…Haaa…

Roger: Didn’t I teach you how to beg? Come on, what do you say when you want something?

There was a clanging of something metallic and Roger undid his pants.

I gulped as he rubbed the tip along my wet folds.

My body was already very familiar with the pleasures of having something that big inside.

Kate: …Roger…please…

Roger: …A little weak, but it’ll work for tonight. Alright, Kate. I’m putting it in.

Kate: Ah, ahhhhnnn…

Roger: Come on, don’t squeeze so much already.

The guilty pleasure of being split open as Roger entered me was so arousing.

Shirt disheveled, Roger stopped moving.

Roger: …Ha…Does it hurt?

(It doesn’t. No, it’s something more)

Kate: It feels so good…So go ahead, Roger. Do whatever you want.

Roger: …Haha, don’t have to tell me twice.

Kate: Ah, aaahhh.

My palms which were once empty, were now overflowing with things Roger gave me.

The thought of losing him scared me.

—But.

(I want to love you as I enjoy this moment without being scared of losing you)

Kate: Roger, let’s be together for as long as possible.

It was out of character for Roger to brush my bangs aside and kiss me on my forehead.

--

Roger: …Heh, you fell asleep first.

As he watched his lover sleep, he pulled a lab coat out of his bag.

The lab coat was custom-made with Kate’s name embroidered on the chest. 

He gently laid it over Kate’s body.

Roger: I won’t go down that easily. But… When that time comes, you’ll take over my life’s work.

As he laid next to Kate, his true thoughts unconsciously spilled out.

Roger: A~ah, I don’t wanna die…

At this moment, the sands in his life’s hourglass continued to fall indifferently.

But unfortunately, fighting back was his specialty.

Roger: I’ll do as much as I can. For this cute one’s sake.

Tonight, the world’s full of despair.

However, at this moment, he’ll scrape up a spoonful of hope and fall into a dream with his love.

Tomorrow, he’ll fight against despair again.

So that he can live with his love for a second longer.

-

*Roger makes a dad noise (よっと yotto) here.

[mylesvogh]

The trouble with trains is...

My sister’s home screen is a picture of her with a friend, smiling happily, cheek to cheek, their happiness a grapefruit colored glow. My home screen is a red freight train rounding the bend of a green mountain. There is nothing deep to say about this. I just like trains. 

Twice a week, I tie my shoes in bunny ears, one childhood habit of many I have been unable to break, and wait in the frosty dawn with my fellow commuters for the train, with its blue vinyl seats and slightly sticky metal poles. Sometimes, police will board, not sensing, or just ignoring, that they are not wanted, and call for valid forms of payment. What they don’t know is that I almost never tap my student ID at the platform kiosk, because students ride free. 

This morning as they breathe down our necks, someone is talking off the ear of the man next to him.

“This is kind of fun!” he says, squirming to look around him. “Everyone is so quiet. It’s like group meditation.”

When we spill out at our station, I don’t bother checking which way he goes. I think about calling -----. She would laugh at this. But Utah is huge and desolate, and no train tracks stretch far enough to meet her where she has landed. 

To get to President’s Circle from the football stadium, you have to trek past hundreds of lonely parked cars, then cut through the humanities buildings to reach the lush island of pines and yellowing grass, an oasis in the maze of campus’s scorched pavement. I think if a satellite photographed it, this part of my life would be one big circle of gray.

When I was a kid, I used to come to campus with my mother to get my father. I hated that I was too young to stay home alone, sitting beneath the wavy arms of the pines, the plastic jacket of a library book sticking to a sweaty arm or leg. Inside, my father is probably in one of the lecture halls that looks like it was hollowed out by an ice cream scoop, sides sloping down into a perfect circle. One of my old coloring sheets still resides on the wall, a pirate, stirring a bowl of green eggs. I wouldn’t color something like that anymore. Why? Because eggs aren't really green. What a stupid question.

Trains are meant to come every fifteen minutes, but there can be variables. When that happens, it means a mad dash to the 54 bus, where I sit in silence with the rest of the group until the mandatory fifteen minute wait ends, and we abandon any latecomers to their asphalt island. 

Last June, ----- and I went to the Grand Canyon on an old West themed train targeted at tourists, which was fine, because she was wearing socks with sandals and I bought a T-shirt specifically for the occasion. I want to go to Paris to see the Louvre. She wants to go to Idaho to see the world’s largest potato. Neither of us have considered anything past these goals, past this day, past this moment in time. 

The time between summer beginning and summer ending is fast. All I know for certain is that I refused to go down into the canyon, though we have come across the country for this express purpose. I do not like heights, and  I can tell that this bothers her, but she lets it slide. She goes down, I stay where I am. She moves across the country; I stake my claim to our hometown. Will she come back, or will I leave? Neither of us wants to be the first. 

In September, I don’t make it to the Louvre.

Winter comes again, the way it always does, bleeding glass. Holidays are happy everywhere else, but in airports, they are tense. There’s always the feeling that, if one more thing goes wrong, everyone will fight to the death over luggage tags and stale donuts. 

In Dallas/Ft. Worth International Airport, there is a shuttle that ferries travelers between terminals, like the myth about a boat between life and death. I think purgatory is a layover in Dallas. It bothers me that I recognize Einstein Bagels and Dunkin’ Donuts, but I don’t know where I am outside of their familiar storefronts, glowing pink letters with donut sprinkles. Capitalism has won this round. When I lick the foamy cap off my drink, it tastes like plastic and whipped cream. I think about not getting on the flight back home. I don’t like heights. 

When we disembark, the girl from the seat beside me flashes me a brief smile. “Have a good break,” she says, and I watch her and her Baylor sweatshirt disappear into the crowd. I know that some people wear their school sweatshirts to airports to seek out people like them, leave the airport together, braced with companionship. I don’t have a college sweater because they’re over seventy dollars at the bookstore. 

I weave through Departures to meet the last of December outside. Soon winter will be over. I ponder this, and green eggs, as I board a bus, nothing like my 54, but even miles apart, they feel the same. If you are far from home, you seek out a Dunkin’, a chain restaurant, looking for something that reminds you of what you left behind. When I am far from home, I wait for trains. 

At my station, look up at the familiar board of flashing lights for my connection. I know her suitcase before I know her face.

“Hi,” she says, and I say it back. 

[velvetvexations]

I'll be answering these on and off throughout the day, because I have a huge backlog.

I know "well it doesn't mean that to me" isn't a good defense for using a word by itself, but I've also never actually thought of it as a gendered word despite being aware of it's origins. Like, that annoying person from the other day sarcastically thanked me for being gender affirming as though I summoned up all my inner misogyny to call them a hysterical bitchcunt who needs to get back into the kitchen, and I thought "wow, bold of you to assume I've thought about you enough to internalize who you are as a person and not simply think of you as a random internet locust." The thing is that I've been trying to not say "insane," "crazy," etc. and "hysterical" is one of the least offensive words we have for "someone of any gender is being extraordinarily silly in a bad way."

If anything what really gives me pause is that it comes from the Greek word for uterus, and though it may get me called TERF-y, I do have some doubts that my gender identity would extend to being able to freely sling a term like that specifically targeting anatomy I do not possess. I try to be respectful of cis women, and anyone else who may feel the term connects to them, insofar as I recognize I do not have experience being told my uterus makes me bonkers.

I may have to just put this in the category of things I don't say publicly anymore, like those mildly ablest terms.

Apparently it was in it's header. But that wasn't even the thing it was complaining about, I just thought it was complaining about that because I couldn't fathom how else it could have came to the conclusion I misgendered it.

It worked!

Thank you anon!

Literally lol.

My biggest issue is that even in the screenshot you can see it's clearly referring to some completely different post:

And you'd really think that someone so hurt and offended and posting this would pay attention enough to notice I'm quoting things it never said, and am in fact quoting things from a post it commented on. Especially since it includes screenshots of me already having explained that I was referring to someone else and it nonetheless deceptively just said "it was my post" like yeah it was it's post sandwiched in the middle as a brief digression in a very long post about another.

It didn't misread, it's just lying from start to finish. And that's the thing, right? That was my whole point. These people will go this fucking ballistic about "they/themming" to the point of simply inventing cases of it happening. The whole reason I included that complaint in my post was because I was highlighting that I was being they/themmed while that same crowd crowed about it. It even makes a big deal about me "throwing a fit" over being corrected about it's pronouns ages ago when I had been irritated that I was going out of my way to make sure I was using the pronouns it listed as acceptable in it's pinned post specifically to avoid accusations of they/themming and that still wasn't enough. So I really am thankful for this situation giving me that final push to just be like yeah, I don't give a fuck anymore, I'm not going to worry about accusations of degendering because my habit of using they/them applies to everyone and yet I have somehow mysteriously only gotten complaints from radfems desperate for something to be mad about.

And they say I don't have community with transfems.

And I'm spiritually high-fiving you for screwed up muscles! Maybe. I'm not actually sure what the cause of my chronic pain is but it might be muscles.

[samueldays]

The Survivability Onion dictates that Political Science is and will be bogus.

Because a major nominal function of political science is breaching the survivability onion, particularly seeing and acquiring targets in power. (When discussing those who have left power, it's called "history".)

By construction, targets in power have the ability to interfere with this. By evolution, targets in power will interfere with this.

That sums up my thesis. It is not original, but I found this framing to be novel and concise.

To elaborate:

I am not attached to any particular chart of the Survivability Onion. It puts a funny name on principles that go back to Sun Tzu's Art of War. Here are two example charts to give the general idea.

Rephrased again: For an enemy to hurt you, he must know where you are, choose a weapon that can hurt you, aim that weapon at you, successfully fire, and land a hit. Interference in any of those steps makes it harder for the enemy to hurt you, whether that's hiding from the enemy or destroying ammunition supplies.

Some caveats apply, for example high-collateral weapons can skimp a little bit on knowing where the target is, but a grenade still has to be thrown into the right house.

When applied to people in power, "hurt" takes the form of being removed from power. The principles of the survivability onion, then, dictate that one can better remain in power by obfuscating how people might remove one from power.

Don't be seen: stay out of political science textbooks, sponsor books and courses that talk about other people, insist that power rests in other organizations. Don't be acquired: if you (or your organization) are mentioned in textbooks, look innocuous and irrelevant. Smear and discredit anyone who pays attention to you. "Conspiracy theory" is a great term here. Also, did you know you can just name organizations whatever you like? Don't be hit: if people recognize that you have substantial power and get mad at you, encourage or deceive them to oppose you in ways that do nothing. For example, trying to organize a "boycott" of a military supplier that ordinary people weren't buying from in the first place. Mislead your enemies to attack false targets. Don't be penetrated: if people manage to identify your power and organize to attack it, minimize the damage. For example, dissolve a front company which you can easily replace, because your power lies in the Rolodex. Don't be killed: don't be killed, literally and metaphorically. If you're in Congress, for example, appoint regulatory committee members who will remain on committee to enforce your will in case of your impeachment. Few people ever bother to go back and root out committee members. Organizationally, build redundancy so that the penetration and destruction of any one node does not take your entire powerbase with it.

He who has ears, let him hear! Understand why I do not name names.

Political science pretends to describe the location and operation of power. Insofar as it is accurate, it creates vulnerability. "How to take and keep power" is information that people in power would love to keep secret from their rivals. Insofar as people in power can affect political science in some way, political science will contain deceits and distractions. There is means, motive and opportunity to fuck with the field. There is selective pressure to fuck with the field.

This is not unique to any particular person or power structure. Political science is always and everywhere doomed to be a field subject to actively malicious misinformation.

There will be counterforces too: researchers genuinely interested in truth, honest politicians admitting how things work, historical events eventually passing into the realm of sine ira et studio as the contemporaries die off, lies colliding in consilience failures, and so on, resulting in some equilibrium with merely X% lies.

(Yes, Minister is in part based on a combination of 2 and 3: the posthumously published memoirs of Richard Crossman.)

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

If DCLA characters had Tumblr part 11 🕺🏼

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi Follow

One time when I was in third grade, I randomly decided to pair up two people in my class. No real reason, I just wanted to see if it worked. So, I wrote a love letter to one of them and signed from the other. I put it on his shelf.

Now, here’s the thing: I accidentally left it on the wrong shelf. I left it on the shelf next to his. The girl who got it, she CLEARLY could read that it was adressed to him. But was she a normal person who realized it was put on the wrong shelf and gave it back? NO. She went to the TEACHER about this.

Now, uh… some extra context. I didn’t just write a love letter. I at first drew a picture of stick figures fighting, so that I would ”make him more interested”. And I guess this girl was shocked over the stick figures fighting.

The teacher recognized my handwriting I guess, and she confronted me about it. I was like ”my name is not even on it??” because, again, I was trying to pair up two people in my class, I pretended the love letter was from someone else. She didn’t believe me and was like ”tell me. Is it that you might have a crush on him? 😉” and I was like … ??? I signed it with someone else’s name, OBVIOUSLY I wanted to pair THEM up.

Also neither part of the two people I wanted to pair up ever found out about this. All because I put the goddamn letter on the wrong shelf and the girl who got it was a tattle tale who ruined everything

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

Reminds me of when I was mad at someone and I decided to write a hateful letter that I put on her shelf. But then I was afraid it would come off as targeting, so I wrote letters to OTHERS too, INCLUDING TO MYSELF so that I would seem innocent.

✌🏼 arodarmivida Follow

You two are my idols.

17 notes

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

When I have a kid I wanna raise them nonbinary, until they are old enough to decide a gender of their own, or not, or switch between different ones if that’s what they feel like! 🩷

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

WOW this did not reach the right crowd…

1679 notes

🎤 singing-is-who-i-am Follow

Knowing lots of europeans they’ve been trying to get me to vote for their countries in Eurovision (since you can vote anywhere in the world nowadays).

Anyway, they are always like ”vote for Italy!! No, vote for Spain!!”

And like. At this point I tbh rather vote for Sweden.

🎀 italys-biggest-bow-collector Follow

Violetta if you DARE to vote for Sweden I will break up with you.

🎤 singing-is-who-i-am Follow

We are not dating?

🎀 italys-biggest-bow-collector Follow

I will break up with you as a friend.

Platonic breakup.

Period.

🌟 supernova-number-one Follow

Smooth.

10 notes

🎸 beanie-guitarist Follow

Stuff me and my childhood friends have performed on stage as kids:

- This unclear skit where we said a spell to turn me into Santa. I lost my last baby tooth during that.

- We sang ”best friend” by Toy Box. Or, ”sang”, we mimicked to it because we couldn’t speak english. We also didn’t know the implications of that song.

- We did an entire play all improvised. Everyone thought we had it scripted. It was the best thing we ever performed

- I wanted to be a magician for a while. She was my assistant. We did some pretty cool magic tricks

- We decided to roller skate on a small stage. It worked, but everyone was afraid we were gonna fall

- The microphone throwing incident™️

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

I think of the microphone throwing incident often

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

And you’re not gonna tell us about that incident?

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

Nope.

🎸 beanie-guitarist Follow

You had to be there.

67 notes

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

I think two of my teachers are secretly fucking

🎤 singing-is-who-i-am Follow

If this is about my aunt and Pablo… then well. Yeah.

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

NO THIS IS ABOUT PABLO AND GREGORIO

👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant Follow

HELP

🏍️ entre-dos-mundos Follow

DO NOT TELL DIEGO ABOUT THIS

#Please say he does not have a Tumblr #LUDMILA IF YOU SEE THIS DON’T YOU DARE SCREENSHOT AND SEND TO HIM

7 notes

✌🏼 arodarmivida Follow

Having your girlfriend also having been your best friend since middle school means she knows ALL about your awkward phases and moments… I cannot hide anything from her.

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi Follow

I was even more cringe, come on.

We’re in this together🩷

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

I can imagine you two being even more cringe than what you are now. I’m glad I didn’t go through awkward phases or had embarrassing moments like everyone else in middle school.

💍 queenoftherink Follow

Remember when you fell on your roller skates while skating literally 10 meters per hour?

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

AND HE TOLD ME HE NEVER EVER FELL AND THAT HE WAS ALWAYS PRO AT ROLLER SKATING.

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi Follow

Matteo is just a clown thinking he knows everything

😎 rapmiro Follow

Hey! I don’t like you speaking to my friend like that! He is very good and he does know a lot!

✌🏼 arodarmivida Follow

Then marry him.

💍 queenoftherink Follow

Why do I bother joining your reblogs, it always takes some really weird turn-

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi Follow

Admit it, Ámbar. You like it. You like seeing us cause a mess. You like it both irl and online. It’s only online that you can admit it.

💍 queenoftherink Follow

See I am this close to blocking all of you and also start a new Tumblr account because What is happening right now. What is the subject? Why are you like this?

🎸 beanie-guitarist Follow

Do you think god stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?

18 notes

🌟 supernova-number-one Follow

What do you do when you wake up with an… intimate dream about someone and you’ve never had any fantasy about them like that before

🎤 singing-is-who-i-am Follow

A hot tip is to not post it on Tumblr where everyone you know is following you, cause we are nosy.

🌟 supernova-number-one Follow

Not true! Everyone I know don’t even have Tumblr!

🎀 italys-biggest-bow-collector Follow

Don’t change the subject. We can and we will figure it out. Thanks for telling us!

90 notes

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

Sometimes I look at my biological aunt and I am like. Wow. You knew me when I was a baby. Maybe you babysat me at some point.

Because she is just… this cold human who seems to hate everyone else. And to imagine she at some point probably had to watch me during the day while my parents needed to run some errands feels… SO weird.

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

She’s also caught me in the most weirdest situations. I am lucky now that she can’t see me.

The other day I had a tampon up my nose while she was in her once per month hour visitation at our house. I walked inside the room she was in and noticed her there. I was stiff for a moment, feeling like I needed to explain myself.

She and I have a very strained relationship, but she tries to better herself. So she was like ”I know those footsteps… is it you, Luna?”

I was like ”Yeah…”

”How are you feeling?”

”Good…”

I was waiting for her to bring up the elephant in the room, and then I realized ”oh wait… she can’t see me…” and then I sighed in relief.

📸 felicityfornow Follow

But why DID you have a tampon up your nose?

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

I got a nosebleed from accidentally punching myself when I tried to open a very hard cap on a bottle

📸 felicityfornow Follow

Ok, so why…

You know what? Sounds pretty reasonable. I’m also glad your aunt couldn’t see you, even if it’s also a bit tragic she can’t see…

👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant Follow

Sorry if this question is personal, and if it is you’re totally allowed to not reply. I am just curious: How did she lose her eyesight?

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

She burned her eyes trying to burn the house down

👩🏻‍🦱 dangerously-beautiful-ant Follow

Oh. Well, I guess that explains why she only has an hour of visitation once a month. Thank you for replying.

24 notes

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

I have talked to several people that apparently did some really weird thing when they sat in the car as kids, and even still do it:

When sitting in the passenger seat, they apparently look out the window and... imagine this imaginary creature or imaginary human running next to the car, sliding on the railings, sometimes skateboarding/snowboarding... just doing all this strange parkour.

Why do you do this? It sounds super weird?

✌🏼 arodarmivida Follow

So when you look out the window on a car trip you just imagine nothing????????

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

Yeah? I just see what I see passing by, I don't think about a random imaginary creature doing parkour on stop signs and railings

🎸 beanie-guitarist Follow

You had a boring childhood, man. Life is so much more fun if you imagine the little things.

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

When I was younger I even pretended imaginary people jumping between houses where I walked, or clung onto airplanes! xD

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

But like... why?

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

💍 queenoftherink Follow

Yeah, even I did this. Now, I imagine someone roller skating rather than running. I saw them skating on the road first and foremost at a car speed, and jumped at any obstacle. It helped me imagine new tricks I could do.

And yes, it was a lot of fun, too. It was an escapism for some of us who really needed some escapism to cope with our everyday life. A little warmth in the cold.

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

Well I guess I could get that, but I never had escapism. I just lived the way I lived and stayed in reality at all times.

🏳️‍🌈 creyendoenmi Follow

Sometimes I am hit with the reality that some people are not born with any imagination whatsoever. I pity them.

🍓 chico-fresa Follow

I have imagination!!! I just didn't imagine fake people doing parkour next to the car.

🛼 rollerskatingonthemoon Follow

But you have to admit your imagination is boring.

79 notes

🧢 everythingscominguponmaxi Follow

I had an interesting dream last night.

Apparently there was this philosophy that there was only one normal person that you knew. If you didn’t know anyone, you were the normal person.

This caused people to question what is normal and what is not.

🌼 punk-not-dead Follow

So there’s really only one normal person on earth?

🧢 everythingscominguponmaxi Follow

No, who is considered normal depends on the person, but the philosophy states that everyone only knows one normal person. For me it can be one person, but for you, who knows other people than me, might have another person in mind.

The question is now… who is the normal person in your life?

5000 notes

[nanjokei]

ok heres what ive been thinking of recently

honestly its just raw emotion, i dont really mean to upset anyone or say that they're consuming anything wrong. i'll try to word things as carefully as possible (or ill mince meat as much as possible idk) because i really do not like when people assume ill intent in my words just because i use blunt language at times. (sorry its just how i talk. im not mad at you. im not yelling at you online)

but honestly i have had a long thought about it.

i'm incredibly tired of the lack of curiousity a lot of new vocaloid fans have towards the culture.

statements like "boomers expect me to know songs from 2007" or whatever. i mean, no, no one is Expecting anything from you, that is absolutely a strawman you have invented based on someone merely being surprised (often in jest even), but it's also like. you, who actively identify yourself as a big fan, have never even thought to look back? there are so many playlists and medleys you can consult. it is a few searches away, i don't care. you are not five years old. and if you feel lost you can always ask people there are always so many people just waiting to introduce someone to even one or two old songs they like.

like is it bad that i think you should be a little more passionate if you consider yourself a geek?

what is wrong with me being surprised if you don't know sakura no ame or saihate or whatever. what is wrong with me thinking that it's weird that even with the biggest producers in the world, you have 0 curiousity to look into their old works?

it's not me being old and cranky, i just think it's a little bad and disrespectful that a lot of new fans just see older songs as inherently worse or not worth their time and use them as a strawman to invent some kind of boomer boogeyman who is going after them for not knowing shiningray or celluloid or ikelenka or whatever. even though honestly you should know them. even if you only listen to it once and decide you don't like it, or hell even just know they exist without listening.

like, songs with millions of views on nnd, i want you to at least familiarize yourself, especially if the producers are still active! at the very least!

whats wrong with me wanting people to enjoy amazing music that built up an entire subculture? made by passionate people who didn't even know the scene could last as long as it did? what's wrong with wanting to share my love with another generation?

i'm not denying that there may be outliers who are rude to other fans, but come the fuck on, stop acting coy about it. you should at least be able to recognize one of either the title, sound or thumbnail of the top 100 songs from 2009. not even KNOW them, just recognize, like is that too much to ask?

like, it's something i personally struggle to understand in general when it comes to interests i'm passionate about. i'm not a pushy person by the way, i don't go around heckling people not even as a joke, so i am not even letting anyone put me in the box of "probably acted pushy and didn't realize and is now mad at the other party". like, this is not directed at casual fans. i am just thinking stuff like "why are you hostile towards the idea of learning more about your interest?" and "why are you hostile towards passionate people who want more people to get into what they like?" and "why pigeonhole yourself? learning more means more fun for you."

because what bothers me the most is that eventually it turns into accusations of "gatekeeping" and "elitism" if anyone voiced their opinion about things. i know how im wording it makes it sound like it personally happened to me but it hasn't it is just what i have observed over the years as someone who gets super into stuff and tries to immerse myself and sees other people get into fights whether its the """elitist""" or the """casual""".

why is it like this? i cannot see why wanting to share is elitism or gatekeeping. maybe elitism sure if the other party feels like they're being targeted for no reason (and im not saying it does not happen). but gatekeeping? why is it gatekeeping? wanting to share what you like with others is gatekeeping? isn't that if you told people NOT to get into it and hid it away?

like, im saying it properly so no one misconstrues what i am saying, but i understand not everyone wants or has the energy to become a big fan of something. there are so many things where i am a very casual fan!! but even then i respect the thing i am into by also acknowledging its history at the very least even if i might not ever play/watch/read/etc all of it or at all.

so like... is it bad? is it bad that i think others should have this respect too? i know this is an issue of low empathy or whatever. i have to run around in circles to understand others. i "get" it, but im also like, why cant they be like me? so i want you to know in no uncertain terms that I GET IT. I GET PEOPLE'S POSITIONS HERE. i have been thinking about this general topic my entire life

so in the end it just turned into a general sort of thing. but yeah, i don't understand why people get so defensive and act so persecuted. am i wrong in my point of view? am i just being an elitist after all? like i simply see it as "i want people to enjoy it too."

like, i thought about this stuff after seeing how passionate ado is about vocaloid. like, she is only 21 years old. she is as old as or slightly older than many new fans (though she had liked vocaloid since elementary school). she is the biggest pop star in japan right now and yet her passion has not waned. not to mention so many younger fans that do have that curiousity too. i used to think its not possible, but i see them in the YT comments, going "im 16 but i really like this era of music" and such.

like, please just open your heart. ignore the boogeymen you're hallucinating and just enjoy slowly... it doesn't have to be a study session. naturally you will just discover more songs you like from those eras

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

What happenes if/when allura shiro and lance meet in the shrödinger reality au? Theres do many ways this meeting could go wrong..........

Also shiro having a brother in this au is such an interesting plot point.. Shiro is slowly descending into madness by his memories halucinations and stuffing severed limbs into potted plants pots and kuro is like 'im so glad my brother has a new hobby:) hes been so passionate about gardening recently! I wonder what fertilizer is he using to make them grow this well.. also why is the floor do slippery nowadays'

and the answer turns out to be maybe-propably-not-real severed body parts

The way i see it (and i am basing this on vibes), that they didnt even notice or remembered. The way Lance's Thing works is that he 1) goes usually unnoticed, like pebbles on a road 2) even if you notice him, or talk to him, or he talks to you as long as you are not the one he's targetting (which rarely ever happens) they dont usually 'recognize' him. It is like how some animals dont recognize their own reflection, maybe some people would feel off about him, some people would be curious about him and some people would be able to notice and remember him (like that one doctor) but ultimately they wont be able to pinpoint what exactly is wrong just a constant feeling of wrongness. 3) they usually wont remember him. They might feel like they are forgetting something, or something is missing but usually they will forget about him.

However again the pebbles on road metaphor applies here. If you dont notice him, you just dont notice him, if you had one passing glance, you'll forget about him instantly, if you noticed him, talked to him, examined him, you are more likely to notice some details meaning you would realize that Something is Wrong, meaning you will remember him for a bit longer.

Which is how i feel Lance's first meeting with Shiro and Allura is going to go. They wont notice him, or recognize him, or remember him. I imagine there's some serial killer case both Allura and Shiro got dragged into with Allura was a witness (she was trying to understand wth us going on and trying to understand this world and oh shit that person just attacked someone) and Shiro kinda being a suspect cause he's being odd according to his friends, and Lance who has decided that he can do a better detective job than the cops (and he's 100% right) and also he thinks said serial killer is the one who 'killed' him. They do meet Lance and because they do remember or have dreamt Lance from their vld timeline, they are able to notice something is off about that guy, but they lose track of him and they kinda forget about him but do keep getting this nagging feeling that they forgot something important

Allura and Shiro do not get along at first. Allura who remembers Everything is like "Shiro? Shiro! Shiro it is you!! It's me Allura!! Oh thank voltron and guardian i found you this world is so strange and a total fake" and Shiro who has been trying to suppress his dreams for past few months is like- "Who tf are you??? I dont know who are you or what this voltron is but please stay away from me" (<=lying). And like Allura who was so desperate to have traces of her old life back, started to pretty much like trying to reach out to him (aka pester him). Eventually Allura is able to convince him that, yeah she indeed is both girl in his dreams but also real and Real af, and while he does Not believe her, he is also just so tired of the paranormal bs he is dealing with and if this Weird stalker lady can help him than on god he's taking that help.

And yep (in my mind his brother is Kuron) and while he doesnt show it, he is Very worried about Shiro. He reasons that he is just coping with his accident and dealing with loss of his arm and dream job and the Trauma™ (and technically he isnt wrong) but he can also tell this is something beyond That. However he has decided that he'll give Shiro space, let him come to him on his own, be supportive and strong and smiley for him. But yeah he's glad that Shiro is getting into a new hobbies, even if he is too into it sometimes.

[neitherlightnordark]

mettaton and children. now

BUT OF COURSE I LOVE CHILDREN!! WHY WOULDN’T I? THEY'RE SOME OF THE TELEVISION’S MOST DEVOTED FANS! WITH SO MUCH FREE TIME AND WHIMSY ON THEIR HANDS, IT'S NO WONDER THAT EVERY DAY, RIGHT ON THE DOT, THEY TUNE IN TO MY SHOW... FOR FAMILY-FRIENDLY, AMUSING, AND BLOODTHIRSTY TIMES! DON’T BELIEVE ME? JUST ASK... ANY ONE OF THEM!

...That’s a camera! Yo, am I on... TV?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Yo, that's so cool!! Everyone can see me! Hi, mom! ... Oh, man, I forgot I’m not supposed to be out... Maybe I can get a ski mask somewhere? Uh, hey, do you have any ski masks?

SKI MASKS? IN SNOWDIN? WHY?

My mom told me I had to be back quick after my errand... She’s gonna be mad if she sees the paparazzi swarmed me first! You better be careful or she’ll have your hide, ha ha!

MY, MY. A FAN SUCH AS YOURSELF... OR AT LEAST, SOMEONE IN MY SHOW’S TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC... FAILS TO RECOGNIZE MY METALLIC FORM OUT IN THE LIGHT? ALTHOUGH I SUPPOSE THE SNOW'S SHEEN... MAKES IT HARDER TO LOOK AT ME. SURELY YOU CAN AT LEAST RECOGNIZE MY SILHOUETTE! I'M THE SQUARE THAT APPEARS IN YOUR TV SOMETIMES. WITH FLASHING LIGHTS AS A FACE AND A WHEELY THING UNDERNEATH. SOUND FAMILIAR?

Uh... Either way, you look super cool, mister!

THAT'S RIGHT! DON’T WORRY ABOUT NOT HAVING WATCHED MY SHOW, DARLING. NOT ONLY DOES IT PLAY EVERY DAY, AT THE SAME TIME, FOREVER... BUT, THERE'S NO OTHER SHOWS ON MY CHANNEL. SO I GOT THE EMPTY SPACES TO BE FILLED WITH MY SHOW’S RERUNS. NOW YOU CAN WATCH MTT TV ON THE GO, NO MATTER WHAT TELEVISION SET YOUR JOURNEYS TAKE YOU TO!

That's cool! Can I go now, mister MTT TV?

WHAT?? HEY, NO--- *COUGHS* *ROBOTICALLY* ERR, WHERE’RE YOU HEADING TODAY?

Miss QC’s Shop! That’s, uh, on the west-most part of Snowdin Town. If I help dust Miss QC’s shelves today, I get a free bicicle!

HOW FINE AND DANDY! A LOCAL BUSINESS!I MIND IF I TAG ALONG? 

Sure! Why not?

THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR LOCAL DAZZLING STAR LOVES EATING OUT AT PLACES THAT ARE PRIVATELY OWNED! AND TODAY I’LL BRING TO YOU AN EVEN SPECIAL-ER OFFER! PURCHASE A BICICLE AT MISS QC’S SHOP... AND GET A FREE STARFAIT AT MTT-BRAND BURGER EMPORIUM IN RETURN! MAKE SURE TO TAKE THE ELEVATORS SO YOU’RE NOT TOO STARVING... BUT EVEN THEN, I’M SURE YOU’LL STILL BE TEMPTED BY OUR GLAMOUROUS, SEQUIN-SPECKLED FOODS... WHEN YOU STAGGER UP TO OUR SLIGHTLY DAMP DOUBLE DOORS! YOU CAN'T GET THESE DEALS ANYWHERE ELSE! (STAMPS VERIFYING PURCHASE AVAILABLE AT QC’S SHOP UPON REQUEST)

I don't know Miss QC very well, but... I dunno if she’ll appreciate the free advertising...

DON’T BE RIDICULOUS. EVERYBODY LOVES BEING SHOUTED OUT BY FAMOUS PEOPLE.

You’re famous?

OH COME ON.

Ha ha! Yo, I was just joking!

HA HA HA. IS THIS WHAT THEY CALL BEING A LITTLE SCAMP? AH, YOUTH. (IF ONLY I COULD RECALL BEING SO PRECOCIOUS...)

...?

HERE’S ANOTHER DEAL. I BUY THE BICICLE FOR YOU. YOU WATCH MY SHOW! HOW’S THAT SOUND.

I don’t need you to buy me an excuse to watch more television, sir!

(MTT TV DOES NOT CONDONE MINDLESS CONSUMPTION OF ENTERTAINMENT, LEST IT BECOME ADDICTIVE, ESPECIALLY YOUTH. THIS IS WHY ALL METTATON COMMERCIAL BREAKS INVOLVE THIRTY MINUTES OF METTATON SCAMPERING THROUGH FIELDS OF GRASS, SPONSORED BY METTATON.)

Hey, are you listening to me! (whispering) I said, as long as you edit out my face! And make my voice really deep.

(WHISPERING) SURE! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE INSTEAD?

... Have you heard of this cool person named Captain Undyne?

WHY, YES I HAVE, DARLING! IN FACT... AFTER I BUY YOU THIS BICICLE, I THINK I’VE GOT A KEY RIGHT TO HER HOUSE! METAPHORICALLY.

REALLY?!

YEP, SHE LOVES ME. I’M SURE SHE’D ALSO LOVE CO-STARRING WITH YOU!

Well--- I--- *coughs* *lizardly* ...Maybe someday soon, yo! For now... I’ve got to bring groceries back home. The reason Captain Undyne’s so great... is because she never breaks promises! She’d do the same if she were me.

THAT’S FINE BY ME! I DON’T NEED ANY EXCUSES TO CONVINCE HER TO PLAY MORE TOTALLY TRIVIA! THANKS FOR THE GREAT IDEA, UH...

Haha, you’re welcome, mister...

METTATON. JUST METTATON, NO TV. THAT’S MY COMPANY.

Okay! See you!

AND SEE YOU IN FIVE MINUTES AFTER I’M DONE BEING VIRTUOUS IN THIS SHOP, VIEWERS~

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW ..dysfunctional family relations? not sure how else to describe it lol

I guess I'm looking for reassurance? someone to listen? answers? im not exactly sure

so i have PTSD from. a lot of different things so i know what flashbacks are and i know what triggers are. i recognize them ok? but i don't understand why i keep getting triggered by my brother. for clarity, we don't talk: we live in the same house but he's very transphobic and an asshole, so i stopped speaking to him. but he's still around all the time.

and it triggers me! even when he's not saying transphobic things, hearing his voice triggers me sometimes. i don't understand why, like, it's not even like that's targeted towards ME, he's just generally a bigoted ass. but what's really bothering me is that there was a thing that happened:

he was being really mean to my little sibling. and he does shit like that sometimes, he targets me, or one of my little siblings and he generally treats them like shit. and i knew if i spoke up in the midst of it, he'd be mad. but i did anyone. and he was. really mean so i told my mom. she said she'd speak to him about it.

anyways, long story short, there was a family emergency and my mom left. my sibling was distraught over the emergency and my brother decided that was a great evening to totally tear into her. i mean-telling her HORRIBLE shit. she just wanted one of our dogs to sit with her but he started yelling at her about how she always wanted everything, how she was such a pest and all this shit and i couldn't BREATHE. he'd done shit like that to me before but never this bad with my little sibling.

so i did the first thing i knew would snap him out of it so i could get my sibling away: i told him to fuck the hell off. which of course shocked everyone but then i could get my sibling away. i was so fucking scared-my dad was home, my older sisters too and none of them did ANYTHING. they could hear him yelling but just ignored it. he was so mad, he started saying all this shit about me and i left the room but then ii had a panic attack for like, literal HOURS, i couldn't sleep because i couldn't BREATHE and he kept talking really loudly near my room so i could hear how mad he was and then, to top it all off, i got in trouble for using a curseword and he didn't even get told off.

but i keep getting flashbacks to it. even though he wasn't even targeting me in the first place and yknow its over now and its done and like, ok he's an ass but that's how siblings ARE sometimes right? i mean. i'd never do that obviously bc that's horrible!! he's like 26 and my sibling is 12. i wouldn't do it even without the age gap in mind but fdshajklfhdajkl i'm just trying to ask 1. why tf am i getting flashbacks and 2. am i just? being crazy over this??? is this just some totally normal thing i just. dont understand or is this something actually fucked up that my parents just dont give a fuck over? tnx

(-luci)

Hi luci,

I'm so sorry you went through this.

Please know that what happened is not okay. It sounds like your family normalizes and enables his behavior.

You even said yourself that you would never do these things because it would be a horrible thing to do. So it sounds like on some level you know that this isn't just "how siblings are sometimes". While you're definitely not alone, it doesn't mean that it's okay for your brother to behave this way. Accountability is still necessary to encourage growth, and this sounds like something your parents may not see.

The way you responded to the situation does not sound disproportionate to the situation, despite how your parents made it seem. The fact that your family simply ignored him implies that this may be a pattern for your brother and your family has developed a learned helplessness. I say this primarily because, even if reacting may exacerbate his anger, it seems more natural to react than ignoring it.

It makes sense if this was a traumatizing experience for you. It can be scary to be in a situation like that. You're not being crazy over this. This is something your parents aren't taking seriously enough.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[sereniv]

gunna angry rant here

i fucking hate so much when people who are on a plant based diet tell people that veganism is about health and eating fruits and no sugar and all that bullshit

like fuck off truly fuck off. go eat your banana and shut up

because then you have people thinking veganism is some strict diet shit

AUGHH

Possible and Practical (and nescessary) is so important to me because it acknowledges that not everyone is the same

like the dieters that you see are usually so jusgemental and racist because they think everyone should eat 100% plant based

they and non vegans are the ones i see shitting on native whaling

and it makes me sick

i remember when i first went vegan i technically wasnt bc i did judge people like slaughterhouse workers, i was influenced by the person who got me to be vegan, and they were highly anti-human. so i was like yeah die slaughterhouse workers

or judging someone who has to work at mcdonalds bc they are handling animal products (though i always felt iffy about that stance but i went along with it for a very short time)

and then? i fucking grew up

and i was reminded about the biggest most important part of the veganism definition whivh is Possible and Practical

and it still took me time to get to where i am now, i WAS an asshole

But the moment you ignore that is the moment you get into colonialist mindset. into a racist mindset. classist mindset

i hate hate this so much it makes me so mad

because when it comes down to it you are allowed to feel conflicting emotions

you are allowed to think a cultural food is gross (to yourself) or sad/upset about it, but also be happy for the people enjoying themselves happy that they can provide that they get to eat

i mean i watch non vegan cooking where they gut an animal (like fish), and i think its gross and i feel bad. I try to not hang on the word gross either, but i also enjoy just seeing things cooked

like idk how to fully convey the mixture of recognizing sentience in an animal, and then also supporting those that hunt for their own personal cultural connection

like yeah we can compare and say "what if instead of an animal ppl were killing ppl" but right now that talk in those situations doesnt matter. because yeah cultures as a whole change and so can religion, but when you target a culture or religion as a whole then that is not very good at all lol

i got off track. basically, fuck plant based dieters.

[lovethesagefan]

THIS AND THAT!!!

Gentle Reader, it is my goal to pull back the curtain on the inner sanctum called school. I was of the opinion there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to education. 2024 is proving me wrong.

Teaching has evolved into something I scarcely recognized. One of the roles I found out that I was to play was counselor. My hats are off to those who are charged with dealing with problems of the heart and of anger. Apparently, there is a bumper crop of the latter.

You see, each day, I have spend 5-10 dealing with some anger issue. Kids these days are angry. I do not know where it is coming from. The slightest thing will set them off. Because of my motto: "There shall be PEACE in my VALLEY!" I try to head issues off at the pass. I am an old pro at looking for the signs. You hear key words used or you see a certain face being made. Then the student makes a move. Then I have to spring into action.

I called out two young men, over two different situations, that was about to go to Def Con 1. One was over something said about his "girlfriend" (if you know kids at this age, you know why I used quotation marks) and the other was about someone threw something that almost hit him. I took the throwing incident first. That was easier solved. He wasn't the target. He just jumped the gun. The other was harder cause it had been brewing since 10 and it was going on 1:15. But I told the young men about their anger and not to waste it on unnecessarily. I told them I understood. People said things about me when I was in 7th grade. People talk about me now. I showed them my Facebook page about what my friends think of who are of a different political persuasion. But I don't get mad. I told them it can be hard, but I do it. They calm down.

The reason I told this is, a teacher must build a bond with students. This conversation won't keep them from making lose my mind on Monday, but maybe if they know that someone cared enough to keep them from taking their anger out on someone and getting suspended, then possibly I have a bargaining chip.

The other thing a teacher must do is listen! Students want to talk about everything except what you need for them to talk about. For some reason, I have a group of girls who wants to come talk to me after we finish the lesson and waiting for buses to arrive. Somehow it hypes them up. They want to tell me all this stuff that happens in Internet Land of Roblox??? Then I make a face and it just tickles them to no end. Students just get so happy around "Mr. Norah!" for some reason. The sterner I get, the more they are attracted. I have students who wants to sit near my desk claiming they need help. I think they just want to sit and talk to me and make me tell them to get to work.

Somewhere between counseling and being a listening post, I get to teach. I get to give one of Mr. Norah's patented Life's Little Lessons. I never thought I was a good teacher. There are/were many much better than me. I don't know why I am here other than another person today told me it was my "ministry". I am just Charlton Norah, average at best teacher...who have kids who wants my attention.

[dzthenerd490]

Dark Blood Chapter 20: Fortune of Light

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Trigger Warning. This Chapter contains minor depictions of death, violence, blood and gore. Reader's discretion is advised.

.

"HAHAHAHAHA! LOOK AT THIS VAST ARMY!" Insaro was holding Kate in his arms while he, Malum, and Quae-suun were floating in the air. The four of them were looking down in the middle of a forest that was filled with a seemingly endless number of heavily mutated Arkum pawns. All their bodies varied on mutations and level of advancement, but they were all surrounding the hatched Arkums. And Insaro could see that at least 11 of them had hatched.  

"Oooh! Let's go make some new friends!"  

"Ok papa." Insaro and the others then floated down toward the middle of the scattered horde of Arkum pawns. Once they landed, Insaro let Kate stand on her own, but she still held close to his legs. One by one the Arkum pawns turned their attention toward Insaro and the others until they were all looking at them.  

"I have your attention, good! I am looking for my fellow Arkums who have hatched! When I arrived, I sensed that there were precisely 11 Arkums who are now alive, I would like to talk to them if you all don't mind!" After a while an Arkum in a butler suit came forward, his skin was pure black with a red X on his face. Behind him the other ten perfect Arkums made their appearance.  

"I am the first of this army that has reached its perfection by 0.1 seconds! My name is Occisor, Master of Murder!"  

"Greetings master of murder! I am Insaro! Master of Madness! The first Arkum of area 5 to be born! And I have a target that needs to be destroyed!"  

"Any creature of light can be put out by a single creature of darkness! especially an Arkum such as yourself!"  

"That's normally true, if not for the fact that my target wasn't a true and blessed Child of Eden!" Suddenly most of the Arkums listening were in shock and started muttering to each other.  

"Impossible! Such creatures cannot exist! The blight has yet to hit this planet our purpose was to wipe out the Zerku before then! how is this possible?!"  

"Because Eden is a cheater what else is new? But that's not the issue, the issue is that a Child of Eden's power is almost unmatched, A single one nearly killed me and my allies here, it could wipe us all out! However, it is still unaware of its true potential! If it was aware, I nor Quae-Suun or Malum would be here today!"  

"It won't be long before it finds the power to wipe us out! We should strike the child now while it's still unaware!"  

"We could do that and risk the lives of all our comrades, or we could wait and do something that will make our strike more... ensuring."  

"What are you proposing?" Insaro's smile grew wider, and he then turned to Kate.  

"Kate, would you like to say hi to the nice people." Kate was looking at the ground and was shy, but she did as she was told and walked forward and looked up.  

"Hi."  

"DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME!" Suddenly all the Arkums were in panic realizing that Kate was a Fallen.  

"INSARO! WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT ABOMINATION WITH YOU?!" Kate then ran back to Insaro and started to cry. Insaro's smile shifted into a frown as he crouched down to wipe away her crimson blood tears.  

"That was extremely harsh Occisor! If you ask me, she is not an abomination but more of our salvation!" Insaro then picked Kate up and showed her off to all the Arkums. As they started to calm down, Occisor looked closely at the girl and saw that she had a strange symbol on her left arm, he was in complete shock when he recognized the symbol.  

"she's in the order! How did you get a Fallen into the order?!" Insaro turned Kate around so they could see each other face to face. Insaro frown turned back into a smile while Kate was still sad but after seeing his face, she started to laugh a little.  

"No one likes to live a life in light were there's only one clear path, better to live in darkness and forge your own, isn't right Kate?" Kate was now smiling, and she nodded with enthusiasm.  

"She will be the first of many Fallen that will join the order! Once we finally have enough under the order, we will strike the child and everything he holds dear! Then there will be nothing left to stop us from purging this world of its disgusting light!"  

"Hmmm, this plan has only 16% chance of failure, however, where would we get enough of the Fallen to purge the child?"  

"You won't have to look far." Just then the Arkum pawns could be heard gasping and roaring in horror as they backed off and made way for the approaching voice. Insaro saw a teenage boy with both his eyes pitch black with white dots replacing the iris of his eyes. Insaro smile widened at the sight while Kate looked in awe and even waved at the boy as well as the girl behind him with the same eyes.  

"It seems I was fighting on the wrong side, any chance I could join the winning side?"  

"Hahaha, why of course my boy, all who have the common sense to ditch the false god Eden are welcome! However, might I ask your name?"  

"Frost... my name is Frost, and this is Megan." Insaro laughed and then looked at Kate who he was still holding in his hands. Kate smiled and nodded at Insaro, then a red glowing pentagram formed on her back and form it sprouted her red bloody arms. the bloody arms quickly reached out to Frost and Megan's wrists and the three sixes instantly formed.   

"Hahaha! welcome to the order!" Frost and Megan seemed a little hesitant to this but then they looked suddenly Kate as if she was talking to them despite her not saying a word. Occisor noticed this but couldn't hear a word both physically and psychically from any of them. After some time, Frost and Megan seemed shocked about something but then looked at each other and smiled, they then looked back at Kate, and both nodded. Kate then smiled and continued to hug Insaro while he himself didn't notice a single thing.  

"What are you planning?!" Kate looked at Occisor in fear when he shouted, she then looked in disappointment and slapped Insaro's face to get his attention.  

"Hm? What's wrong my dear? oh? oh! I apologize Occisor, did you ask about my plan? well its simple really, we will raid every city for any remaining Fallen and pawns to recruit and rodents to eat, and we will continue to do this until we have amassed an army large enough to stop the Child and his Zerku-Rodent pets!" Occisor was still glaring at Kate but now knowing Insaro's plan he decided to focus on that instead of wasting more time on possibly trivial matters.  

"But what if we are to come face to face with the Child?"  

"Worry not Occisor, the child is more concerned for his pets, he will not bother hunting us down, NOW THEN MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! LET US GO AND PURGE THIS WORLD OF ITS FILTHY LIGHT!" All the Arkums then started roaring and Insaro's smile grew wider as he led them all to the nearest city.  

***

It was the middle of the night and Kyle suddenly woke up and his fatigue to his surprise quickly faded. He normally needed more sleep than that but surprisingly he was already well rested despite sleeping for less than the healthy amount. in fact, he had so much energy he had no idea what to do with it, first he was the first one awake, so he decide to make sure the area was safe. Kyle decided to fly to where the red lightning strikes were to see if the Arkums and freaks were still there. He then released his wings and took flight to look around the area. It was mostly filled with trees making it hard to see if there was anything, so Kyle landed. He quickly slit his throat and his blood flowed around his body to make the thin armor. After that he had his blood armor on, he walked around but still didn't see any movement at all. He kept wandering around hoping to see something but didn't, Kyle then heard a sizzling noise behind his back.  

Kyle turned to look at his back to see the blood armor burning as it touched his wings. Kyle remembered what Eden said about the light being his true power and how the Arkums seem to hate the Zerku religiously, perhaps this was part of that. Kyle also remembered Isaac assuming the dark blood and his light wings are fighting for control in his body.  

"But is that really true though I feel fine... well... I FEEL fine." Kyle then remembered his moment of shame when he went berserk on Isaac for asking a question. Kyle still couldn't understand it, he didn't know the answers so he could have just said that but for some reason when he heard it, he was suddenly angry like some part of him wanted it to stay hidden. Kyle sighed, still disappointed in himself, but also for not finding anything in the forest. If those Arkums were not here, then that meant they were going to become a problem later. Regardless Kyle wasn't doing any favors for himself using both his blood and his wings, so he reverted his blood back into his body.   

"Ok! I'm completely exposed! come and get me you Arkum freaks!" Still nothing happened, and no one showed up at all, not freaks, Arkums, humans, or Zerku. Kyle then groaned as he had nothing to fight and therefore nothing to expel his energy on. Kyle couldn't help doing nothing so he flew back to the house, it would still be a little while before the sun rose, but he decided to make breakfast. First, he went to one of Cane's farmers and borrowed their gloves, so he wouldn't have to use his bare hands to prepare the food. He then went to the garden and picked the cabbages, the tomatoes, the grapes, and the potatoes. Lastly Kyle went into the house and got a large knife from the kitchen, after that he then plucked the cabbage leaves and sliced the tomatoes, he then mixed them together and put them in separate portions in the disposable plates with a side of grapes. After that he sliced the potatoes open and then used his fire powers to heat them up into fried potatoes and had them as another side of the salad.  

It only took him a few hours to get 118 plates ready for all the Elkins kids for breakfast. Kyle had all the plates' laid out on the lawn in front of the house, each one ready to be picked up and eaten. However, it didn't take long for Kyle to realize that it's still an hour or two before the sun comes up and with no alarm clocks it might take even longer for anyone else to wake up. Kyle told himself that he had already done enough and that he could just as easily relax and wait for everyone to wake up. However, after only a few minutes the jitters started getting to him, so he took back to the skies and flew again toward the forest.  

He knew that there was no way he would find any Arkum's or freaks, but he was desperate to do something, so he flew around anyways. He wanted to just fly around until the Elkins kids woke up but then he flew father away and happened to spot a large mansion with a wall all around it. Kyle was confused on how such an expensive looking place could exist in such a rural place like this, so he decided to investigate more closely. When he got to the front of the house, he saw the sturdy walls and tough front gate was. He instantly thought of how perfect it would be to live here. Though of course, he had to make sure it was clear, Kyle opened the gates that weren't locked which wasn't a good sight. He walked into the front yard where there was a fountain in the middle of it all surrounded by nicely cut bushes.  

"Seriously why would someone as rich as this want to live here?" Kyle knew that his hometown wasn't exactly a rich town and didn't have the friendliest of people, so he felt unbiased in his opinions. Once Kyle entered the mansion, he couldn't believe how big it was, the first room of the mansion was very big, big enough for a party, it had paintings of family portraits on the walls with highly detailed vases on displays, the sides of the room had large doors, in front of the room was a large stair case leading to the second floor. The whole place was sparkling clean, very nicely detailed but also oddly deserted.  

"Uh, hello?!" Kyle knew this place couldn't be deserted with how clean it was, it had to have been owned by someone. but then the horrible thought that androids were taking care of the house came into Kyle's mind. Since it was confirmed that the androids are hunting the Zerku, thanks to a stupid law made by the government, if what Kyle thought was true then he was in for a long and/or annoying fight.   

"WHO GOES THERE?!" Instead, Kyle heard a normal voice, then it revealed himself to be a boy as tall as Kyle with brown hair, purple eyes, and wearing a tuxedo. He appeared on the second floor and ran down the staircase toward Kyle and pointed a pistol to his head.  

"Who dares trespass here?"  

"Uh hello, I'm Kyle and sorry about this, I just was wondering if this place was abandoned or not." Kyle knew a pistol wouldn't be enough to hurt or give him any lasting damage and as such he didn't really feel scared despite it being pointed right at his face.   

"Well now you know it's not, so be gone! Or you will be shot on spot!" Kyle looked at the young butler in disappointment and quickly snatched the gun away and hid it behind his back. Once the boy realized that he no longer had his gun he went speechless.  

"You-! you-! you destroyed my only means of defense!"  

"First of all, bullets barely do anything to freaks I should know I faced them head on and seriously doubt things would be easier if I had a gun with me. Secondly, I seriously don't want to fight; I just want to talk. Now look, it's not just me, there are other kids with me. About a hundred people, and we need a bigger place to live because the one we have is too small. So, if it's fine with you I would like to bring them all here where they can be safe."  

"A- Absolutely not! I don't care who you are or how many are with you- you..." the boy wasn't looking at Kyle anymore instead he was staring at something behind him. Kyle could see the fear in the boy's eyes, so he turned around and saw one of the Fallen. It was looked older than the one he killed at the farm and looked more aggressive. it spat out some of the black ooze and then roared at Kyle with a monstrous roar full of hatred. The Fallen boy then suddenly smiled sinisterly while drooling the black ooze, then a red glowing pentagram formed on his back and released green crystal like tentacles. Kyle used his wings as a shield and quickly extended them out to push the Fallen boy out of the mansion. It landed in the front lawn in a way that it looked like its bones were broken by the impact. However, his body disgustingly fixed itself to the point that he could stand again and faced Kyle with another sinister smile.  

"hahaha... you... your still caged."  

"What?"  

"he's still caged you... that perverted bastard... he told me to kill my friends... I had to listen... I hate him... but now I'm free... so I burned his books... I can free you... LET ME FREE YOU!" The Fallen boy then lunged forward with nine of his green crystal tentacles sprouting out of the pentagram on his back ready to rip Kyle apart. Kyle then used his wings to fly up and tackle the Fallen while in the air. The Fallen was a little stunned by the impact but despite being in the air still used his tentacles to rip into Kyle or at least he would have if Kyle hadn't used his fire to engulf the Fallen entirely in scorching flames and threw him back to the ground.  

The Fallen landed hard on the road in front of the mansion and started screeching in pain as he rolled around while on fire. After a few seconds, the Fallen got rid of all the flames, leaving his burnt flesh visible. All that was left was burnt skin and exposed muscle making him bleed the black ooze all over. The black ooze then started to form around the boy and made him a heavy black blood armor. The Fallen then released his green crystal tentacles again while also manifesting two green crystal swords in his hands. Kyle then charged at the Fallen who roared joyfully and swung his swords cutting Kyle to pieces. or at least he would have if Kyle hadn't charged headfirst and spun while midair using his wings to both deflect and even break the crystal swords.  

Kyle ended up headbutting the Fallen in the stomach, Kyle could hear the Fallen's spine breaking from the force of his impact. Kyle backed off a little and wanted to demand the Fallen surrender but instead despite its back being destroyed it smiled at him sinisterly. Suddenly the black armor turned back into blood and wrapped around Kyle's wings to keep him from moving. The Fallen smiled showing off his monster sharp teeth and stabbed his fist into Kyle's chest, Kyle could painfully feel the green crystals growing and stabbing out of his stomach and some even stabbed out of him, ripping up his shirt and making him spit blood  

"Ugh! ... you bastard... I just fixed this shirt!" Kyle's wings then burst to flames which instantly started burning the black ooze. The fire then spread all around covering Kyle in an aura of fire, the freak boy growled in anger and shot his crystal tentacles at Kyle again, but they shattered and melted on impact. Kyle then swung his wings around and they began to cut up bits of the Fallen as he screeched in pain. The Fallen then made two large pillars of green crystals shoot out of his hands the propelled him back into the other side of the road and into the forest. Kyle wanted to chase after the Fallen but he quickly collapsed because of the crystals still stabbed into his insides. Thankfully Kyle's fire was able to destroy them and get them out, but the pain was still unbelievable.   

"What was that thing?" Kyle then turned around and saw the butler standing next to him after running here when he saw the Fallen running away. Before Kyle was fully healed, he made sure to use his blood to repair his clothes then he faced the butler who looked confused but also afraid.  

"... it's called a Fallen its a Zer- um, EVO that's been infected with the black blood and lost their sanity. that's the second one I've encountered since yesterday so that must mean there's a lot more." The butler seemed unsure of what to do.  

"You defeated it so quickly... but your blood is black too? why are you not like them?"  

"Because I still have my sanity. or at least I can keep it so long as my friends are safe... this place does seem pretty safe and as you saw I can make it even safer." The butler looked at Kyle unamused, but he thought about it and was unable to think of a good reason to deny protection from an unknown but very real threat.  

"Fine! you can stay, and you can bring your friends with you."  

"Thank you, so mu-"  

"BUT! They must earn it! The reason I'm letting YOU stay is for protection from those... things!"  

"That sounds fair, hey what's your name? How old are you?"  

"I'm Walter and I'm 18 years old."  

"Walter huh? are you here all by yourself?"  

"I'm actually not alone, there's two maids and the lady of the house who live with me."  

"Oh, this house still has an owner. Maybe I should talk to her to stay."  

"No! I mean... there's no need, I have seen how useful you are so I'm sure if I talk to her, she will let you stay."  

"But what if she hates the idea?"  

Don't worry, she'll be willing to accept anyone if they are useful. so, I will relay the message to her while you go and gather your friends, do make sure to let them know what must be done in order to earn their keep."  

"... Ok then, I'll just go get my friends." Walter nodded and then walked back into the mansion while Kyle extended his wings and flew over to the old farm house. As he landed the now awake Elkins kids were eating the salad that Kyle had prepared. They all seemed overjoyed to be eating the cooked potatoes almost as if they were eating something heavenly.  

"The potatoes are so good!"  

"It's been too long since I've had something cooked!"  

"It's almost like eating fries again! It's amazing!" Kyle couldn't help but feel proud of himself, as being an EVO the government and most of humanity considered him evil by default. Therefore, to see people happy because of his use of power rather than fearful of it made him smile.  

"Hm, maybe I should have picked from Cane's garden a while ago."  

"WHAT?!" Everyone looked back to the house and saw that Cane had just left the house and was now enraged.  

"YOU TOUCHED MY GARDEN WITHOUT MY PERMISSION YOU ASSHOLE!"  

"*sigh* Ok first of all, please stop calling me that. Second, I just wanted to get breakfast done, is that a bad thing? Cane was mad, but then looked around and saw everyone staring at him while others were enjoying their meal.  

"... tch, Fine whatever, thanks for the breakfast just please tell me next time, ok?"  

"Right sorry." Just as the conversation ended Jackson zoomed from the forest back to the house and noticed Kyle.  

"Oh, hey Jackson what's up?"  

"Kyle! I've been looking for you bro! I thought the Arkums got you again!"  

"No sorry, I was just looking around to see where they were but didn't find any."  

"Neither did I, where the hell did you think they went?"  

"Don't know but on the bright side I found something better."  

"Is it meat?"  

"OH, COME ON!" Jackson and Kyle looked back to the house to see Cane once again mad only this time at Jackson.  

"Sorry Cane! ahem, No, I found us a new and better place to lay our heads."  

"Really? Where?" Kyle then walked to the middle of the lawn in front of the house where everyone could see him.  

"Hey everyone!" Everyone paused what they were doing to listen to Kyle.  

"I found a new place for all of us down the road and this isn't an ordinary house it's a very large mansion, it should be large enough to fit us all!"  

"Wow are you serious!"  

"I always wanted to live in a mansion!"  

"Me too!"  

"Hey, hey! What's all the fuss about?" Isaac, Sarah, and Sam showed up from the house because they heard all the commotion.  

"Kyle says that he found a mansion big enough to house us all!"  

"A mansion? I didn't know millionaires lived in these parts of Arkansas."  

"They don't, which makes this quite peculiar."  

"Hey Kyle! Is the mansion abandoned?!"  

"No! There are others in the mansion but it's okay they already agreed to let us stay!" suddenly everyone was hesitant to keep going, sure it was a mansion, but it was still   

"I'm not sure I want to live with four spoiled brats"  

"Money, like all drugs are addictive and make you a horrible person... *sigh* but we could still use a bigger place. Also, I'm sick of sleeping outside."  

"Yeah, me too and the little kids are always complaining about the inside of the house being creepy and uncomfortable."  

"In that case I vote we go to the new place!"  

"I've had enough of this place, so I say we go too!"  

"Yeah, let's go to the mansion!"  

"But what about all my crops!" Several kids groaned when Cane brought up his garden, Kyle then remembered the wide opened field in front on the mansion and smiled.  

"There's a wide and empty field in front of the mansion!"  

"... Screw this place! Let's go to the mansion!" Soon everyone started cheering on and agreeing to the idea.  

"Then it's settled! Let's go to the mansion!" then after everyone was done eating they all packed up and about an hour later all the Elkins kids were on the road once again.it was going to take a while since one of the buses was still busted, or so everyone thought but Marco revealed he had been fixing the bus and managed to get it working again. Thanks to that it didn't take long to make it to the mansion, because of it, most of the kids started praising Marco the entire way there. Kyle couldn't help but smile because of this, Marco was never good at making friends in the past but now he was getting the respect he deserved. though Kyle did feel a little sad that Marco had to become a Zerku in order to be noticed. Still, it was good Marco was no longer bullied. Finally, the Elkins kids made it to the mansion and as they exited the buses, they couldn't hold their excitement.   

"This place is enormous!"  

"Strong walls, lots of room, guys we've hit the jackpot!"  

"Wow a real castle!"  

"Ha! Sure, Mike, it is a castle. And that makes you king!" mike smiled at Sam, he then went running past the fountain and into the mansion but then Walter walked out the doors and saw everyone, Mike then ran back to Sam and hugged her. He didn't seem too surprised at first but then he clenched his nose as if he smelled a group of skunks.  

"My god! When was the last time any of you showered?!" All the Elkins kids started groaning and booing at Walter, but none of them had showered since the apocalypse started. Then a girl who looked as old as Benjamin who had black curly hair and green eyes wearing a maid outfit came outside from the mansion to see what was going on.  

"Walter? What is going on- oh my, that stink!"   

"... Wow thanks Kyle for telling us that the people here were so nice and kind." Kyle then noticed Jackson standing right next to him glaring at him in disappointment. Kyle then used his noise and thought he didn't find it unbearable he did smell something foul from his friends.   

"You do kinda stink."  

"WHAT?!"  

"Actually, Jackson he is right, none of us have showered since this whole thing started, and to be honest I would kill for one right now." Jackson just didn't speak as he growled at Sarah.  

"Mary, please tell Ella and the lady its best they stay in their rooms for now."  

"Yes Walter." Mary then went back to the mansion relieved she couldn't smell the stink anymore.  

"... Well, we cannot have this! You all smell like a decaying corps of a skunk!"  

"So what? are you gonna give us a shower?"  

"If you refuse then you can go back to wherever it was you came from!"  

"Oh yeah? Let me ask you what's gonna stop us from taking this place!" Jackson was about to charge at Walter, but Kyle got in front of him. Jackson wanted to beat Walter and take the place but also knew better than to make Kyle mad, so he growled at Kyle and backed off.  

"Where can we all get a shower?" Walter then pulled a hanker chief from his suit pocket and put it up his face to cover his mouth and nose.  

"Please follow me to the showers!"  

"*grunt* As you wish your majesty." Kyle then slapped Jackson in the back to get him to stop aggravating Walter. Walter led everyone into the mansion and when they all entered everyone was in complete awe. They were amazed how everything was clean, nicely displayed, and not smashed or destroyed. Benjamin snapped them out of when he showed them the three doors at the other end of the large room, two doors to the sides of the large stair case.  

"Ok the door to left is the boys showers while the door to the right is the girls showers! The doors lead down under the mansion, it's not that far down so don't be afraid and each shower room has over 50 separate and private showers which should be enough for each and every one of you there is also restrooms with sinks that come with towels, not to mention the latest models of washers that should have your clothes ready by the time your all done showering!"  

"Wow this place has everything doesn't it?"  

"Duh! It's a castle!"  

"Well, I guess in a way it is. Now go to the showers already! You all are smelling worse by the second!"  

"Yeah, yeah whatever."  

"Stop complaining Jackson. We all need a shower; plus, they feel really relaxing!"  

"I would have died if I had to go another day without a shower!"  

"You and me both." Olivia and Sarah started laughing and Kyle watched them, glad to see them talking like friends rather than fellow survivors. Kyle felt like this was going to be a fresh start for them all, even with the freaks and Arkums outside, at least they had safety here. Kyle was the last to enter the boy's showers but when he got to the door Walter stopped him then smelled him.  

"*sniff, sniff* Well I'll be damned! You don't smell terrible! You don't even smell bad! If anything, you don't smell at all!"  

"Really? I haven't showered in a week... maybe longer!"  

"Oh, come on! He doesn't have to shower but we do!"  

"don't act to surprised Jackson, an angel is too perfect to take a shower."  

"Ethan enough, that's really getting annoying." Ethan then winked but Jackson pushed him forward down to get into the showers. Kyle then faced Walter again who was still looking at him in disappointment despite what he said.   

"True, you don't smell but your clothes are all bloody! You need a new change of clothes at once!"  

"Yeah, I would like some new clothes."  

"Good, then please follow me to the closet room."  

"You have a closet room? Neat."  

"... My god Kyle, if I didn't know you like I do, I would say you two were a couple."  

"Wait, what?" Jackson quickly went into the shower room leaving Kyle confused and Walter annoyed.  

"I have a feeling that runt is going to get on my nerves. Anyways your friend thinks you are a homosexual."  

"Oh, well no. but uh, sorry he claimed that you were one too?"  

"Oh, don't be, I actually am."  

"Wait really? I never meet a gay guy before!"  

"... clearly, come along now." Walter then escorted Kyle upstairs; they then went to a right hallway of the mansion. To the right of the long hallway there were lots of doors.  

"These are guest rooms they each have a queen sized bed with seven pillows consisting of three memory foam pillows and four cotton pillows. There's also a personal restroom, empty closet, drawer, desk and fan that is equipped with a light source and if a power out was to ever occur there is a candle on the desk for you to light, however the chances of that are unlikely because the whole mansion runs the latest model of NEO generators. If it's not tampered with, it should keep this place running for 100 years if not more. Ah! Here we are." They then reached the end of a hallway with French doors in front of them. Walter opened the doors and when Kyle entered, he saw that they were in a large bedroom but then Walter continued to another door at the side of the bedroom that led to the closet room. The closet room was filled with clothes, the whole room was wood brown and had large drawers to its sides and in between them was a large variety of suits all hung together in different sizes. Above that was more clothes, not suits instead they were dresses and dress shirts all of different styles.  

"All these are available for you to wear, ah! But please stay away from those on the top. They belonged to... the owners of the house... There should be a size for you in there somewhere, I'll just leave you to it." Walter then walked out of the room in a rush and slammed the doors shut. Kyle wondered what made him run out like that, but he decided to leave it alone and focused on the suits. As he looked through them all he started to have an unusual bad feeling. When he realized where the bad feeling was coming from, which left him with a question he wanted to be answered.  

"Where are you Insaro?"  

.

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[stranger-rants]

Whenever I think about abuse within the context of my parent’s relationship and how that gravitated towards me, I struggle to pinpoint exactly when the abuse “started.” Generally it’s a pattern of behavior that persists over time, but when does abuse become a pattern? It’s hard to say. In my case, I think whatever harmful patterns of behavior my parents displayed were in development long before I was born and I think that may be the case with Billy’s parents, too.

Harmful behavior can arise in even the most loving relationships but with recognition and a concerted effort, it can be reversed. When it’s not recognized as abuse - when people try to justify mistreating their partners / family, it just seems to grow. For survivors, it can feel like that frog in the slowly boiling pot of water. You get so used to it that you don’t realize when the temperature rises. Billy seems to have been born into that slowly boiling pot of water, because he doesn’t seem to know a “before” the abuse time.

The happy memory we see of Billy still has an uneasy feeling to it in the way his mother says his dad will be mad if they stay out too long. That’s the norm for him. Dad will be mad. That has to be a pattern, otherwise his mother wouldn’t anticipate it. Billy is on edge when his parents fight. Maybe Neil never hit her that hard before in front of Billy, which is why we see him jump in. Yet, clearly the abuse had been brewing for a while given his mother up and left. Maybe she didn’t see Neil hit Billy so she thought if she just left it would be okay.

To me, the abuse was always present in some way. However, if there was a moment we could pinpoint as the “start” of Billy actively being abused, it would be when his mother left. Billy became the primary target, which was fueled by Neil’s resentment of his mother. That kind of abandonment and subsequent abuse causes children a lot of guilt and anxiety. The abuse feels like punishment, so even then it’s hard to truly recognize it as abuse and as something undeserved.

It’s hard for me to think of a time when my parents loved each other. Much of what evidence I’ve seen date back before I was born. I still don’t know what loving parents are supposed to look like. I am assuming Billy would feel the same. When you’re a child, you often think that well ‘my parents must love each other because they are together’ but then you see what they say and do to each other and you grow up with a very warped sense of what love is supposed to be. I think that’s what we see with Billy.

when do you think neil began his abuse?

like does billy remember a time when his parents were in love?

or was the abuse present since before he was born?