#I really like working off contrasting themes hehe :]

[hierba-picante]

Forgot about these goobers I used to draw hehe :] Contour "Connie" is a nonbinary shadow who likes to frequent raves, they're mellow and have an affinity for objects that light up or flicker- kinda like a moth almost! Their girlfriend, Chispa "Chispita", is a fire who wears winter clothing and likes to stay at home doing fun stuff for her small business- like making t-shirts bracelets and whatnot! Chispa's brother, Glaciar, is made from ice and wears hot weather clothing like crop tops and shorts! He likes to volunteer at animal shelters and make music on his free time :]

To the left is a really old Glaciar, 3 years old drawing yikes- then there's the one on the right- the one I made at 3am hehe

Contour is a character I made based of a song my boyfriend made!! :D

[p0rk-guts]

He's finally done I think. WOAW! Radio demon time!!!

Okay time for comparison + breakdown rant ^ - ^ another SUPER long one I had a lot to say about this silly guy

ALRIGHT. So. Atp all that can be said has been said about Alastor but I'll gloss over it anyhow. Grossly historically inaccurate hair and clothing. Invisible deer theming. One of the main reasons he's got one of the most clowned on designs in the show is bc he's a pretty good representation of the worst it has to offer. He's absurdly red and has the waspiest waist in town. Also gotta zero in on the coat for a second bc I find it incredibly stupid that he went to that tailor bc of his coat being ripped and then left the shop with the exact same torn coat on oh goddd that felt like a complete joke who wrote this

Also his "redesign" was pointless. He stayed pretty much entirely the same except his colors got pinker and grosser and now he has this?? White trim on his lapels??? Even less 1930's accurate and it only serves to hurt the pallate in my eyes. It's the only spot of white on his entire design, it doesn't appear anywhere else so it throws it all off. And it's so bright. Is it supposed to be a focal point?? His tits????

Anyways onto my guy who I love so very deeply. I'm pretty sure sepia film was outdated by the 1930s but I gave him a palette inspired by it to emphasize how dated and stuck in old ways he is. Added blood red accents bc. Well. Cannibal murderer. Also bc I redid the sin colors so red is wrath and it seems like a fitting sin to pair him with.

After looking into 1930's men's fashion a tiny bit (thanks anon, this video was helpful!) and gave him a double breasted coat but wider and pointier so he looks a little less like just some normal guy and really emphasize how prideful and egotistical he is. "Ooo look at me I'm super big and imposing and powerfulll". I think it's a fun character trait of his. Definitely keeping it.

I liked him wearing gloves bc I feel like he wouldn't like getting his hands directly dirty and would always be covered when committing his murders. Maybe he's a germaphobe even. "I can excuse murder but I draw the line at dried blood on my skin". Also the gloves being white would contrast really well with blood so. Love that

I gave him a long tie to free him from the Vivziepop bow tie uniform and a fedora to add to the 1930's vibe and serve as something that can occasionally obscure his face in shadow. His glasses are also opaque and I imagine his eyes would rarely be shown if ever to make him seem more inhuman and off-putting, disconnecting him from personhood a bit. Wanted to add to that with his smiling mouth never opening and just being a static grin that can only occasionally widen or lessen, his voice cracking out of his "speaker" with fuzzy radio static. Seen multiple ppl use that idea and it always eats

I love Alastor's silly theatric nature (primarily in the pilot) and I'd probably keep it, but I'd add a layer of uncanny-ness to him where when he's not putting on his silly jovial facade, he gives off an unnerving vibe. Trying to appear approachable and charming and pleasant to lure people in before he's revealed to be less than human. Loveee thattt

I love Alastor being a deer. Predator becoming prey (animal) + "prey animal" lulling people into a false sense of security before striking. Love it. We should be CAPITALIZING ON IT❗So I gave him deer like legs, visible deer hooves, and more readable deer ears + the ham radio tower antenna antlers (sorry 4 calling them horns 💀)

Tried to make it a little more obvious that he's a mixed man of color by giving him dark wavy hair and the faintest hint of lip definition Viv uses in her style. I think it works. He's still not dark skinned tho

LASTLY the mic. Also not an original idea as I've seen tons of others turn it into a carbon mic but turned into a pentagram shape and I love the idea a lotttt so I joined the crew.

AND THAT DOES IT!!!! hope u like him as much as I do hehe. Just 1 supplemental doodle this time sorry :/ showing off how his face is probably obscured most of the time. He's. So hard to draw. I'm just bad at men but I'm tryinggggg guys

Alsoooo I've already finished the drawings for Niffty, Angel, and Husk! Once I've finished their breakdowns I'll add em right to the queue, and then I'll make a post with all of the main 6 together :3

[crusherthedoctor]

What inspired Lutrudis' creation?

I had wanted to create my own character anyway out of interest as to what I could bring to this colorful cast, and as I began setting up the pieces for the story that would become BtS/Stellar, specifically with the decision to have it take place in a brand new setting (Viridonia), I realised early on that a certain kind of role would be required for the story that couldn't really be fulfilled in the same capacity with a pre-established character. Because Knuckles/Blaze/Silver/Fang/Jet/Biolizard/Luppy Luppy Man ain't a resident on this island.

Personality-wise, I felt that a shy and chill character could bounce off well against a cast that, as far as the adult recurring characters go at least, often consists of hotheaded or showboating types. Kind of like Big, but from an alternative lens, and more hands-on than someone like Vanilla (not saying that as an insult towards Vanilla, you know what I mean). I also wanted her to contrast with Sonic, but in a different way from the usual "he happy, they mad" dynamic between him and Knuckles/Shadow/Blaze. My biggest goal was definitely to prove that not every character has to be an unhinged arsehole or a cynical anti-hero in order to be interesting and multi-faceted, which I think has made her age pretty well in the era of the Strong Female Women phenomenon.

Design-wise, aside from the round-themed intention I mentioned previously, I wanted to create a design that could be simultaneously subtle yet quirky, and all without sacrificing the usual elegant simplicity of how characters are designed in the games unless you're Silver. On one hand, there are details that one might not notice at first glance, such as her sclera not being full-on white like normal, her boots having no heels unlike Amy and Rouge, and every shade used for her attire being used exactly twice each. On the other hand, hehe look at her tail and ponytail having the same shape :3 hehe look at her eyes sticking out over her bandana like a ninja :3 hehe look how she taller than sonic :3 You can also point to her choice of clothing being girly and tomboyish in equal measures (breezy top and long gloves VS tight breeches and tall boots), in contrast to most of the other females often favoring one or the other.

Species-wise, I went with a horse because I didn't believe her role and backdrop in the story would work as well if she were an exotic or rare species, as well as finding that many of her personality traits just so happened to be commonly associated with horses. It's also a lot easier to get away with longer hair without it looking like a wig ala pre-reboot Archie.

[summerlinenss]

Re the previous post.

I get why someone might see people saying Taika's not straight cos he was at a Paris Hilton concert as perpetuating stereotypes (i personally saw it more as a joke though and maybe a light hearted pushback at those who are rabidly determined hes straight and queerbaiting and use it to delegitimise his work with queer themes).

But imo these people (mostly white queers) who are DETERMINED he's straight cos he's only been known to date women bother me more, and I feel like the first argument almost demands we all assume he's straight when he's never said one way or another (and is under no obligation to) and I don't like to assume people's sexualities.

Like, all that backlash he got for the 'everyone's queer' comment people comparing it to nt people saying 'everyone's a bit autistic' when it's not something I personally agree with but I've only heard queer friends/people say they reckon everyone is a bit queer, and others accusing him of 'queerbaiting' and he's even had think pieces written about him saying he shouldn't be seen as a queer icon cos they assume he's cishet, while David Tennant has never got the same treatment (he's not said his sexuality to the best of my knowledge either).

And like you said, he might not have said much more hinting at his sexuality after because of the backlash, and he grew up in a time people acted like bisexuality (esp in men, add on top of that dequeering of poc and assumptions all lgbtq people are white and all poc are cishet, one example is how people react to him making comments possibly maybe hinting at not being straight as an older guy with such vitriol in contrast to how Con was hero worshipped for coming out later in life, and you were seen as a monster for slightly critiquing him at that time) didn't exist.

Sorry I go off on tangents a lot lol and cram a lot of info in, I have a lot if feelings and things to say on the matter hehe

yeah and again, i can understand having a sort of trigger response to stereotyping and getting defensive about it, but i think there are people who go a bit too far with the whole “well he’s definitely obviously 100% straight and even suggesting he might not be is so unbelievably inappropriate.” like it almost feels as if the idea of him being queer personally offends them, which is really weird since he’s only ever had the exact opposite reaction.

i have a lot of thoughts about the whole “taika can’t be a queer icon unless he puts a label on himself” thing since many of the most prominent figures that are idolized by the lgbtq+ community and called “queer icons” have actually outright said they’re straight allies, but i’m not gonna get into that right now.

also without sounding too preachy i think people need to remember that the strict concepts of gender and sexuality are very much so a westernized construct. i don’t think it’s much of a secret that even people within the queer community still have very rigid views of sexuality. they understand things like bisexuality in theory, but they struggle to actually accept fluidity in practice and the fact that even finding an accurate label can be difficult for some people. it can be an extremely personal thing to even figure out and, at the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong way to present your identity.

[lion-buddy]

You've started writing notes for swap au concepts?

care to share some?

hehe yeah sure

ever since i found out abt cure puka, role swapping them and prim is something ive been rotating in my mind. and now that i have the actual story in book form i was able to really sit down with it and think. initially my ideas were pretty basic with a generic role swap. puka is now the cure while prim is the fairy and nothing else changes. it was more for sillies and i wasnt sure how to formulate an actual story around it.

i drew these back when all i had were the trailers to go off of lol

a complete story is my end goal when writing any au. i really like to take into consideration how the entire story could be affected by this change and im a big stickler for trying to make it all make sense. i figured there are two ways i could go about this. one is that i can stick to the original concept of a basic role swap. im sure i could make some sort of story out of it. but it was just. kinda boring to me. the story would follow a lot of the same beats. the only real change being that they look different. maybe change things up with a team swap as well? idk. or maybe swap their personalities, but i found that to be kinda. reductive. i feel half the appeal of personality swaps is redesigning the characters as such and well.

idk not much would change lol. There personalities are inverse of each other and so are their designs. It’d be pretty boring to me

and option two. i ended up laying out what drives these two characters. prim is driven to act though a desire to gain power and prove their strength. pukas actions revolve around their hatred of their power. the two contrast each other in personality, with prim being emotionless and blunt while puka is very much the opposite. i want to stay true to that. so i decided to try and swap their moralities. they would still follow their principles since it defines their characters, but they would have different goals due to circumstance, idk if that makes sense. it would probably help if everyone actually knew the story lol. soon,,, but yeah. puka becomes more of the driving force, taking prims place as a "precure" and being the one in charge. swap pukas goals are different, and their relationship to their strength and power is complicated. i dont fully know what im doing with them yet but i have ideas. swap prim on the other hand is forced into a passive role as a fairy. prim does not like this. they will bite you.

overall i just want to ensure the theme of power and "what is a precure" is kept in tack since i find that to be most important. its all veryyy interesting to me and i dont want to say too much since its still very fresh and being worked out and i dont want to contradict myself later but. yeah :]

[yourlocalpurplekinnie]

My opinions on the Barian Emperors’ designs :3!!!

Nasch — “hehe silly hair, a lot of these big crystals in the same kind of area, the red cape makes him look cooler + brings a colour other than purple that works in abundance, gotta have a cape *^0^*, I love his whole face (look how angry he looks here LMAO), turtle neck :0, plain fr </3 (the trousers, leggings things??), supposed to be an accent colour but it feels too much to be a proper accent, just like his normal shoes :3”

Marin — “she’s so cool <3, the colours go so cool together as well?? - the lighter colours for her body/dress thing contrasting the darker hair??? Just wowie :00, these shoulder plates look cool?? Yippee!!, I love the longer hair they give her, her dress/skirt design is just WOAH!!, the diamond theme again fr (more subtle + nicer than Nasch’s design tbh /nm), HEELS?? /pos)”

Vector — “Gonna be honest I thought more of the frets would be warm tones but turns out they are colder when I colour picked them, I like this multi-coloured skin he has going on, and how the diamonds run along the divide, goddamn I didn’t notice the diamond theme until I did this tbh like Woah :0, not too fond of this yknow? (The yellow thing on his chest) should have added more yellow around (feels like you need to look there instead of where you would usually wanna look (the face)), I love the colour palette for Vector. Like mostly greys/blacks with an accent of the reds in terms of mostly diamonds, I can’t decide whether I like or dislike the wings tbh </3 (I’m leaning more to like), could scratch out someone’s eye with those nails, just as he would want it to be like :3, hehhe Idk I just like his shoes :3, + I love his face ^0^, (btw if Vector has no Fans I’m dead)”

Alito — “sorry I’m not too fond of his design </3, I feel like this would be slightly better (the mask thingy) with that reddish-brown colour but idk??, gotta have the diamonds, this colour (the green one) is a nice contrast to the warmer tones used, this darker colour makes the design better, his shoes are nice though (PROBBALY my favourite thing about his design), maybe using this red more could have been better?? (Just relegated to his hair), these are cool (the arm thingys)”

Girag — “ooooo face shrouded in darkness, silly!! (Horns), silly little Mohawk :3 - random use of that colour though - one off can look good/fit with the design but doesn’t feel like it does here, idk how to feel about this collar </3, his design does not feel derailed enough tbh - especially compared to the better designs imo (Vector + Marin), Woah more diamonds! Who would have guessed!!, how could have I never noticed this before??? (The G on the belt) THIS IS SO STUPIDD /Pos”

Mizar — “The mask is very unique + translates in a fun way to his human design as well, love them being the 2nd tallest fr <3, love it (the face), I’m sorry but his shoulders + his torso?? I just- it basically ruins his design for me /nm (not entirely true but yknow), Just feels REALLY yellow at the torso, good choice to not make his arms too much of one colour (the bandages (same goes with his legs)), I don’t like this belt </3, I love this little additional for the clothes because even though they are aliens it feels weird for them to be completely naked, mandatory crystals fr, don’t know what’s going on here but lacks the nice patterns that Marin had </3”

Dumon — “I’m sorry but I really don’t like Dumon’s design-, hair + face colour mostly blends together like hardly different, these are cute :3 makes me think of a cat, mandatory diamonds fr, the facial markings look cool :3, I’m sorry but this belt is NOT it, shoulder plates look cool, mostly the other barians are wearing SOMETHING but not him”

-

Quick ranking:

7. Dumon - sorry but his design just doesn’t look nice to me. I’m not too attached to his character either so that doesn’t help. He does look WILDLY better in his human form though

6. Girag - orginally gonna put Alito in this place but Girag is much more plain imo like go girl give us nothing!!! /nm (they did do him so dirty in both his forms though </3)

5. Alito - sorry Alito but your design is not much better. Like I like your boots and that reddish-brown colour but idk I’m just not too fond of it (prefer his human design). It is growing on me but I still dislike it </3

4/3. Mizar/Nasch - I couldn’t decide who to put above the other so they are tying. I love their faces like they both look AMAZING looking at just that part of their designs but I feel like as you look further down it’s like “uhmmm-“

2. Vector - I love Vector so much so it’s not surprising that I’m gonna also be fond of his design too. Like when I first starting rewatching Zexal I forgot most stuff so when this silly little guy appeared on my screen I started to LOVE him (and now he’s one of my favourite Yugioh characters) and it 100% helps that I love his design fr

1. Marin - MY GOD DID THEY DO HER SO WELL??? Like just look at her design and try TRY to tell me that she doesn’t look wonderful?? YOU CANT!!! Like she looks just so amazing. It just makes me wish that she had more focus because her design is making me see her in a brighter light than what they gave to here tbh. Like the backstory for her + Nasch is MAINLY focused on Nasch I get how he’s important and everything but I would like to see more of her </3 (the episode of her as Rio showing how cool she is beating all those people who just want her to manage their teams cause she’s pretty is just SO COOL!!)

-

I do love all these characters though (some more than others LMAO) and not trying to insult the character design at all just wanted to look at these designs and point out what I liked and didn’t <3333

(Also I felt like i had to write out all what I put on the actual images CAUSE MY HANDWRITING IS BASICALLY UNREADABLE TO 90% OF PEOPLE </3)

[dojae-huh]

The reason ILA soars in the first place was because of members being funny and ‘real’ and relatable lifestyle (struggle of living alone). Real here means laidback and doesn’t care much about the camera and just do whatever they usually do in their life off camera. Example: Hwasa with her lack of care for appearance, kian with his unkempt place, etc. And a lot of idols who showed up on this show happens to be amateur at living alone. Or that’s the image they’re going by.

Now the image doyoung is showing is too perfect for this show. So people find it boring. Cause how can they find it relatable. If he shows this side in show like omniscient pov or my ugly duckling idt it’s a problem (is this even a problem? 😂😂). Anyway it’s a wrong set of audience. As someone who watches this show, the vibe is all about struggling, yes struggling with anything. This doyoung is too capable. House clean, cooks well eat well, good relationship with bro, sociable, kind, wears makeup during this filming(?) like where’s the struggle here?

But as fans we also know that he is really a capable person and def not laidback, so we don’t really get surprised with this. And if that’s the real him, wouldn’t he be fake for purposely being funny or laidback or you know care less abt anything just to cater to the audience? If we really wants to keep it real here. Haha. Suddenly, being a capable person is not real anymore.

However, it cant be denied that there are certain parts that maybe is a bit much? Like he’s highlighting that characteristic of him being shy, talking in aegyo alone (bruhh this could give a lot of people ick for no reason), being kind (people can get uncomfortable if shown too much kindness🥲). But these traits contrasts so much with him as the panelist. Look at him roasting ahn jaehyun. Now you telling me he’s the same one in the video? So people are confused and concluded that it’s just image making. Idols already get the stigma of keeping up to the good image already, so🤷🏻‍♂️.

It’s only 3 eps in, he could go to other varshow that suits him more? Or how can he win this set of audience? We’ll see, hehe it’s nice to see this new challenge pop up. Anyway, imo, he really is not the naturally funny type honestly. He’d shine more being snarky. But this one is a bit tricky. If u do it wrong or with the wrong cast, people will find u rude and obnoxious.

Haha, thanks for the explanation.

Wait, didn't Doyoung struggle with the bike and choosing food in the supermarket, or approaching the stall that sells his favourite food? Lmao, he underestimated how much "struggle" he had to put into "laidback". Doyoung doesn't know how to not be a perfectionist, he failed to factor in enough of the needed ingredient. He showed struggle, the struggle of being relatable and bad at something... lol.

Oh, OK, I've watched only one half of the supplements episode, let me look into my drafts for my commentary.

And I wrote:

"I do believe Do is shy with strangers, however, he evidently played it up at the market. He knows he needs to create content for variety, be entertaining to watch, he was always loud about making reactions, coming up with topics, making themes. In the past GM mentioned how he behaved not in the usual manner shooting their dinner at Kim's house."

Doyoung does fake too much, he isn't good with judging how far is enough. Remember his 24h relay video? It was awfully fake, but it worked, so he got positive reinforcement, I guess.

Perhaps we are witnessing the problem of old habits, transitioning between mediums. What works for k-pop fans (cuteness, aegyo, wholesomeness) doesn't always for gp who are looking for a different kind of entertainment.

Do's approach on Master of the house was changing slowly his little rabbit image into a sassy bunny. Maybe he is repeating this pattern here. Or doesn't think that showing two images is a problem. He has always been sassy on all panels, afterall.

Maybe it is not a problem of Do. And the fans who complain are a bad representation (as only those who didn't like him will bother to say so in that topic, plus he has antis who can camp there).

I'm saying so because Do is not on his own, there is the show's team with him. His activities, what he is planning to do are discussed in advance. (In no way going with a brother for a wholesome firefly searching trip is a struggle even on paper). If the director of the show didn't like his content, he wouldn't air it. And certainly not invite again. Perhaps they are trying to shake up things, introduce different type of "I live alone".

Anyway, hopefully Doyoung finds that Qoo topic and takes notes.

Doyoung, time to go on another hike!

[tryingtimi]

Aight, I'll catch up with the short story updates of #60daysshortstory by @the-wip-project, because the extra working hours are finally over and I've got a fairly proper rest. Here we go.

WEEK 2 REPORT.

Rejiggle your plan. Which changes does your writing plan need for the next week?

Left off here I think. I needed to put my writing hours at the end of the day, because life didn't let me have those morning sessions as I have ten minutes before I hop on a bus to work when I have morning shifts. They are not as productive, because my mind is a mush at the end of the days. But, they are something.

Why do you want to write your story?

The theme is very close to my heart, and I promised myself last year that I'm not going to abandon the idea.

Does your plan work? What will you have to change to make it fit for your life?

It does not work in the moment lol. I've burnt out pretty nastily because of the extra hours at work. I had brainrot a lot and ideas and bumps to write, but I couldn't put words on the page. However, it's not the schedule's fault, and in regular circumstances I think it would be ideal. (the rest is under the cut, because it became long)

Have a little thinking about your Why. Why do you want to write this story? What do you want to achieve?

I want the story to convey the terror of losing control over yourself. Not even the revelation itself, but the process of slowly realising it. The uncertainty of knowing if you've stepped over the line or not. It is a theme that is close to me, because it's one of my deepest fears too.

And as additional questions: What's the name of your main character(s)? Why did you pick it?

Her name is Amity. It'll sound weird but I picked it because it has an old, werewolf sounding hehe. And now that I looked after it, the meaning – which is friendly relations if my source can be trusted – gives a nice contrast to the theme. Plus a little hint for Amity's personality, when she can control herself.

WEEK 3 REPORT.

If you get writer's block, what do you do to get out of it? Do you have trick, as special technique to help you out of a slump?

Very great timing! I don't really have one other than trying to work on other things. My first attempt goes to writing other stuff, but if that doesn't work because my work is completely empty, then I paint. Usually after a painting session I'm bursting with energy to write. (mostly because I realise my skill is lacking more than I anticipated and I get frustrated OR I end up with a painting I like but that's more rare)

WEEK 4 REPORT.

What emotions do you want to induce? What do you want your readers to feel as they read your story?

Anxiety and terror, but at the same time familiarity and understanding. The fear of losing control is kind of universal I think, but it still can be personal. Even losing control can mean many things, and can show up in many forms.

[theirbbygirl]

Second Lead Syndrome

Word Count: ~8.7k words

liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert

Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?

Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!) 

I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.

Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life. 

I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours).  From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults. 

The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted.  Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily. 

One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe. 

Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night. 

Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.

At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated. 

I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise. 

“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.

“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.

Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back. 

“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.

I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.

“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry. 

Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.

“Sorry what was that?” I ask.

“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.

“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that. 

Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.

“Unfortunately I do.” 

That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions. 

It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens. 

I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom. 

“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.” 

“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen. 

“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.

“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.

“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone. 

Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket. 

“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.

“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.” 

“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?” 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.

“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”

“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.” 

“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.

“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.

“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.

“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode. 

The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story. 

Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.

A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain. 

We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?

When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering. 

I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to. 

Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me. 

I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.

3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self. 

Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness. 

One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern. 

A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.

“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.

“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head. 

“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”

“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.” 

“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.

“You like Minho.”

“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”

“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.

“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.” 

“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?” 

“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.” 

“So maybe he doesn’t then.” 

“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile. 

Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.

“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.

“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks. 

While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.

Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept. 

A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.

Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic. 

Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.

A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her. 

It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee. 

All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do. 

Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart. 

With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet. 

Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.

“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.

“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.

“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?” 

“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.” 

“Hyunjin I-“

“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.

“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.” 

“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.

I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it. 

“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?” 

“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own. 

“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.

“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.” 

I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?” 

“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”

Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.” 

Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked. 

Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.” 

Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo. 

The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon. 

Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to. 

It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces. 

“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly. 

My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.

Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.

“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.

“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.

Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.” 

The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.

“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.” 

There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.

“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table. 

I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.

“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.

“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.

“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.

“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.

“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind. 

“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes. 

Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment. 

Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing. 

“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away. 

The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message. 

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?

My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes. 

from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sure, i can be there

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sweet, i’ll see you there

I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well. 

I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner. 

10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen. 

“Hey.” I smile at him.

“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”

“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?” 

“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.

“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety. 

“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion. 

“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.” 

“What?” He asks.

How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.” 

“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.

I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.” 

“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?” 

“I only told them last night.”

“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.

“Minho I-“

“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”

“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”

“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it. 

“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile. 

After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat. 

“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest. 

The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university. 

Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go. 

Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other. 

“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.

“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders. 

“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug. 

I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person. 

I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“Me too.” And that’s all I can say. 

I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.

Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not. 

Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly. 

The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with. 

My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home. 

Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to. 

I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives. 

I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho. 

I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.

“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”

“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”

“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”

“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.

“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!” 

“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”

“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”

“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?” 

“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?” 

“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?” 

“Maybe five?”

“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.

“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door. 

I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home. 

After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor. 

I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there. 

“Minho?” I say as I walk closer. 

“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug. 

“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.

“Sure.” He responds. 

I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.

Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up. 

“You got a cat?” Minho asks.

“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.

“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.” 

“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?” 

“Sure.” 

“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.

I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all. 

I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.

“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.

“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him. 

The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch. 

Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.

“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?” 

“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.

“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?” 

“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”

“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond. 

An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.

“How’s… How are you and Ahra?” 

“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well. 

“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.” 

“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.

“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.” 

“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.

“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.

“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.

“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”  

I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.” 

“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?” 

I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.

“For?”

“Just feelings for somebody.”

“Is it Hyunjin?”

“No.”

“Chan?”

“Nope.”

“Changbin?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Me?”

I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”

“Wait- What? What are you talking about?” 

Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”

He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“

“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post. 

“Minho…” I let out quietly.

“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again. 

“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away. 

“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin. 

“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.

“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.” 

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair. 

“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes. 

Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time. 

In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after. 

Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there. 

But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)

if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))

-nyx

[ericsangyeon]

addicted - l.sy

‘He was like fire, she was his igniter. Together they were each other's addictions.”

pairing: sangyeon x female! reader

word count: 7.0k

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

theme: gang au sorta??

warnings: SMUT!!, profanity, drinking, guns, blood, kidnapping, bang chan and skz are villians

a/n: hey guys! i wanted to try writing a fic bc why not! this is my first tme ever writing smut so be nice. also this was edited many times but there could be mistakes so just bare with me. enjoy it! i worked really hard hehe -t :D

playlist moodboard

~

“Kevin oh my god. I'm not going to that criminal ball.” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“Pretty please? You can finally meet Jacob! And I'm pretty sure a certain someone wants you there too,” Kevin smirks from the other side of the work area. I stop cleaning the countertops and stare up at him with wide eyes.

Kevin, and his boyfriend Jacob, are members of the underground mafia group TBZ, which never gets brought up when I'm with Kevin because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That was until Lee Sangyeon came into the picture. Sangyeon is the leader and “big boss” (as Kevin calls him) of TBZ, and has somehow found interest in me. Ever since Kevin brought him into the cafe a month ago during one of my shifts, I kept bumping into him everywhere. From work, to campus, to even near my apartment. He tries to make small talk with me, which I always ignore and keep distance from him. I see him all the time despite wanting to, and I want nothing to do with him…. even though he literally looks and talks like an angel sent from heaven. I'm positive there is some sort of an attraction between the two of us. But don't tell anyone I said that. Lee Sangyeon is hopelessly attractive and I couldn't help myself to have developed a crush on him. If it wasn't for his shady career choice, I would have hooked up with him in an instant.

“How many times do I have to tell you Kevin? I want nothing to do with him,” I cry while Kevin snickers.

“He's not even that bad, he only hurts people who have wronged him” Kevin explains.”But never mind about him, Jacob really wants to meet you and you said you’re free Friday so please, please pl-”

“Fine oh my god.” I huff while Kevin claps, pleased with himself. “One problem, I have nothing to wear.”

“Not to worry about that sweetheart, I got that covered. Just text me your measurements.” Kevin says. I was going to try to argue with him but I knew he would win no matter what, so I just shot him a thumbs up.

“Anyways babes I gotta go to class now. See ya y/n!” Kevin grins, blew me an air kiss which I caught with a small smile, and walked out of the cafe.

I sigh and put the cleaning supplies away. As I went to greet a customer, all I could think was - it's just a ball, with your best friend and his boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

~

On Thursday night, as I was getting ready to make dinner, there was a knock on my apartment door. I went to answer it, but found no one there when I opened it. Instead, a white box with a small bag on top, both had my name on it. “Oh yes.” I thought to myself. “The criminal ball.”

I grabbed both items and brought them to my room to open them. I unsecure the first box to be greeted to white tissue paper and a note on top, which I pick up and read the writing.

“This colour will look ravishing on you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Or at least that's what I thought it said. It was written in a script that I had never seen before, and it certainly wasn't Kevin’s handwriting. Maybe Jacob’s? I put the note aside and unwrap the tissue paper to take out the dress and my jaw drops. I pull out a ball gown that was wine red and had a lace strapless top with a semi-poofy skirt attached. Below it were gold open toed high heels. I laid everything down on my bed and reached for the small bag that was on top. Without checking first, I pull out what was in that bag and gasp. In my hands is a beautiful gold mask with black silk fabric to wrap around my eyes. Fuck. Kevin never mentioned it being a masquerade ball? Now I have a higher chance of running into Lee Sangyeon since I probably won’t be able to tell who's who.

I send Kevin a quick text saying thank you for the dress, cursing him out for not telling me that piece of info. To finish my day, I made my dinner and went to bed early.

~

Friday night at 6:45pm, found me applying my last coat of lipstick as I stood up from my vanity chair. Staring back at me in the mirror was a completely different person. I loosely curled my long straight hair so it was falling down my back in waves. My makeup was not too heavy, yet not too light. My eyeshadow was a nude colour to contrast with my mask, as well as my lipstick was wine red to match my gown. The dress and shoes fit me perfectly (thanks Kevin), as well as the finishing touch, the gold mask.

My phone beeps and I looked down to see a text that the car Kevin sent for me was here, so I grabbed my phone and clutch and locked up my apartment. “Goodbye bed, I’ll see you later tonight.” I thought to myself, smirking.

The car waiting for me downstairs was gorgeous and sleek, and when I entered the back seat, the driver tipped his hat at me and we were on our way.

After driving 20 mins out of the city, the driver turns onto a single sided road where in the distance, I could see a huge house with bright lights shining.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself as the driver pulled up to a mansion - no - castle with a staircase leading to the entrance. The car stops and I could feel myself start to get nauseous. The driver came to open my door, lending me a hand so I could get out of the car safely.

“Have a great evening, Miss y/n.”

“Thank you, I do hope so.” I smile softly as I turned to walk up the staircase on this warm June evening.

As I was walking in the big hallway that led to what I'm guessing is the ballroom, I went over my rules for tonight. 1) Don't trip 2) stay with Kevin 3) avoid Sangyeon at all costs.

But of course, when the guards opened the big double doors for me to enter, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I walked further into the room. I see someone come forward from the crowd of people and my eyes go wide because I know it is not Kevin or Jacob.

Lee Sangyeon is walking towards me like he had been waiting for this moment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He looks amazing of course, like a walking marble statue that came to life. His light brown hair was pushed back to reveal his amazing eyebrows and smirking lips and he was dressed in a black velvet suit that was so low cut that I could see a glimpse of his defined pecs. He wore a black velvet mask over his brown eyes. Sangyeon had me very much weak at the knees right now so thank god everyone went back to minding their own business.

“Y/n! I'm so glad you could make it.” He smiles at me. That goddamn smile. “You look exquisite.” Sangyeon said to me as he reached down, grabs my hand and softly kisses it while staring at me.

My breath hitches. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I softly smile at him. “Now excuse me,” I whisper, attempting to create some distance. But his hand on mine got tighter.  “May I have this dance?” Sangyeon asks. I nod my head, not sure what took over me. He softly smiles at me and leads me toward the dance floor, where other couples are dancing already. As we were nearing the dance floor, I felt myself trip over my gown. Before I could faceplant with the floor, rough hands were on my waist pulling me up.

“Be careful y/n.” Sangyeon chuckles and I thought I would throw up on his designer shoes.

He puts my hands on his neck and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. Sangyeon starts to sway me back and forth, eyes never leaving mine. As we danced for a few minutes, I felt his thumb lightly brush against my hip bone and I saw him slightly leaning his face towards mine. I finally jumped out of the trance he put me in and unwrapped my arms from his neck.

“I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I told Sangyeon as I brushed past him, leaving him on the dancefloor alone.

I speed walk over to the bar and spot a familiar black head of curls standing with a brunette boy wearing a similar tux.

“Where have you been, asshole?” I yell behind Kevin, making him jump and then smile at me.

“Hey y/n you made it! Meet Jacob, my boyfriend.” He gestures towards the man next to him wearing the same mask.

“Nice to meet you, Jacob. Kev, I'm getting a drink and then calling a cab to leave. I can’t be here.” I say while looking around.

Before Kevin could say anything back, I turned my back to him and ordered red wine from the nearest bartender. I sigh and drink my wine and look over at the guy who is standing next to me.

“Rough night?’ He smiles at me.

“You could say that.” I smile back as I drank more of my wine.

He chuckles and extends his hand to me.”I’m Bang Chan.”

“Y/n.” I shake his hand back.

His smile faded once I said my name.”You’re Lee’s girl?”

I stare wide eyed at him. “I'm who's girl??”

Before he could answer me, a body was standing between us. Sangyeon.

“Piss off Bang, she's mine.” Sangyeon growls at him.

“Excuse me?” I said but no one seems to hear me.

“Chill out Lee, I was just getting to know her, but I’ll leave.” Bang Chan waves bye to me behind Sangyeon’s back and walks away.

Sangyeon turned around and looked at me, his defined jaw clenching tightly.

“Y/n, we are leaving.” He states.

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yell back while a muscle in his jaw twitches as he clenches  his hands into a fist.

“Y/n. I suggest you go with him before he tries to shoot someone, because he will.” Kevin appears and says behind me, squeezing my shoulder. I just nod my head at Sangyeon. Kevin would never put me in danger. Right?

Before I could even say bye, Sangyeon grabs my hand and is leading me out the ballroom door, out of the castle and towards his car.

He opens the passenger seat car door for me. “Get in.” He says to me. I glare at him as I get in slowly.

Sangyeon shuts the door and walks over to the driver side, gets in, takes his mask off, and starts the car without even saying anything. And we are off to god knows where.

The entire drive was silent. Sangyeon is gripping the wheel tightly, rough fingers scattered with rings turning white. I'm too scared to move, only moving my hands to remove my mask and my heels that were starting to hurt my feet.

20 minutes later, we are back in the city and Sangyeon is pulling into a parking garage surrounded by guards. He pulls into a parking spot, and leaves the car after stopping it. I open the car door to follow him, barefoot and all.

In the elevator I kept trying to glance over at Sangyeon, but he’s looking straight ahead, defined jaw still clenched. The elevator door opens and I gasp. I walk out behind Sangyeon to see a beautiful penthouse common area surrounded by glass windows overlooking the city night sky.

Before I could even admire the place and the city lights that surrounded the room, my back is being pushed against a hard wall to face a livid Sangyeon. He grabs  my wrists and leans in.

“How dare you talk to other men, especially him.” Sangyeon growls in my ear. “You’re mine.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he faces me again. “I-I will never be yours. You can't tell me what to do.”

A smirk slowly appears on his face. “Oh yeah? We will see about that, princess.”

Before I could even think of a witty response back, Sangyeon grabbed my face and his lips were on mine, and I felt my tough interior crumble as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, bodies touching.

He kisses me again. And again. Like he is possessing me. And it was working as I kissed him back hard. “You are mine” Sangyeon whispers against my lips. “No one else’s.” Sangyeon starts kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on certain parts, while I’m biting my lip trying to hold back my moans. It felt so goddamn good, but I'm stubborn and didn't want him to have the upper hand. Sangyeon sucks hard on the crook of my neck, making me release my lips and moan as I feel him smirk against my neck. He won, I lost and now I am melting into his touch.

Sangyeon kisses my shoulders and exposed collarbones, stops and chuckles into the crook of my neck.

“You know I picked this dress for you. Not Kevin.” he says while unzipping my gown.

“What?” I whisper, shocked.

“You heard me.” Then my dress is on the ground, leaving me in just my black strapless bra and panties.  Sangyeon is staring at my body with lust covered eyes as I just stare back at him, both of us breathing heavily, a boner starting to appear in his velvet suit pants.

“Wow, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He says quickly before kissing me again hard on the lips, shoving each other's tongues deep inside our mouths.

“Jump” He mumbles against my mouth and I obey, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

When we enter his room, he lays me down softly on the huge mattress and proceeds to take my bra off, leaving me topless.

“God, these tits.” I hear him growl as I hiss at the cold air hitting my bare breasts, but the hissing quickly turns into moans as Sangyeon takes my right nipple into his mouth and sucks on it while playing with the other one using his hand.

“Fuck.” I moan loudly, mouth parting.

After rotating, sucking and playing with my breasts, Sangyeon removes his mouth from my nipple and starts to kiss down my stomach, inching towards my panties.

“You're such a good girl for me.” He coos on my stomach as I moan and squirm. Sangyeon brushes his fingers lightly against the fabric of my panties and looks up at me and mouths “you sure?” I nod my head back. He smiles before removing my panties with his teeth. I am now bare naked in front of a fully clothed Lee Sangyeon.

Sangyeon positions himself right in front of my pussy and spreads my legs open as I gasp and watch him lean down. He kisses and sucks on both my thighs, guaranteeing hickeys in those spots later on.

“You’re so fucking ethereal, Y/n.” Sangyeon mumbles and kisses the tops of my thighs softly, and before I could even think, his mouth was on my clit and I scream.

“FUCK Sangyeon oh my god!” I arch my back and moan loud as he licks into my clit.

“So wet me for me already.” He murmurs against my pussy.

He starts to suck and kiss my clit and I can’t breathe. I could feel his tongue exploring my entire pussy, eating it up as if it was his favorite food. My hands found his soft light brown hair and as I ran my hands through it, he sucked on my clit even harder. After for what seemed like seconds, Sangyeon comes up for air and proceeds to put a finger slowly in my hole, pumping in and out.

“You tasted so good, I can’t wait to see how you take my fingers and then my cock.” Sangyeon rasps out as he adds another finger as I'm a moaning mess below him.

“FUCK! Im gonna-” “Cum for me babygirl.” He says while pumping his fingers faster. I arch my back and scream his name while I cum onto his rough digits. He removes them from my pussy and sucks on the juices that got on them.

“Tastes so sweet.” He says while licking his fingers clean and staring directly at my hooded eyes and parted mouth.

Before I can even catch my breath, his lips are on mine quickly, stands up from the bed and unbuttons his blazer, revealing his amazing toned upper body and taking off his pants and boxers, cock slapping against his abs. He was huge, I gulp knowing that that's going to be inside me soon.

“I'm on the pill!” I hear myself blurt out. Sangyeon chuckles at that.

“Good to know y/n.” He says with a smile while running a hand through his hair before positioning himself over my body, hands on each side of me and aligning his cock with my hole.

“This is gonna hurt.” I thought to myself, since the last time I had sex was high school and it was awful to say the least.

Sangyeon starts to slide his dick in slowly and I can’t breathe again.

“Fuck. You're such a tight baby girl.” He rasps out as I let out a string of curses.

Sangyon thrusts into me slowly at first, but when he realizes i'm no longer screaming and just moaning, he removes his cock and slams it back into me hard and fast, which makes me lose my mind. He swears under his breath a few times before he speeds up the movements. I wrap my arms and legs around him, leaving scratches on his back as he leans closer to me and touches his forehead with mine.

“You're so beautiful sprawled out like this under me princess.” he growls into my ear as he thrusts even harder into my pussy, making both of us swear and moan each other's names as I move my hands from his back to his hair and he moves his to play with my nipples.

Between Sangyeon pinching my nipples and his cock tearing me open, the pleasure flowing through right now is something I have never felt before.

“Shit y/n!” Sangyeon grunts and thrusts hard once more into my pussy and pulls his dick out and uses his right hand to pump out his orgasm all over my stomach. His other hand reaches down to rub my clit in circles while kissing my neck and leaving more hickeys to help ride out my second orgasm of the night.

“Fuck Sangyeon!” I scream as I release all over his fingers once again. He licks it up again and mumbles “so sweet princess.” while looking at my dilated pupils.

He gets off me and rolls over so that he's beside my overstimulated body but head is tilted towards my direction.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks me, concerned eyes looking over my shaking body that's struggling to even look at where he is.

“I'm amazing.” I respond back softly, him sighing in relief as he strokes my cheek with his knuckle.

“I've wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers and smiles softly at me.

“Me too.” I whisper back smiling as he kisses my lips softly and jumps out of bed, and runs into the connected bathroom fully naked leaving me alone in his huge bed, body paralyzed.

Sangyeon returns with a washcloth and a bowl of warm water and moves my shaking body so I'm lying on his leg while he dips the cloth in the water and starts to clean me up.

“You did so well for me. You were so beautiful when you came. So beautiful for me.” He murmurs to me fondly, rubbing the cloth over my body tenderly as I'm falling in and out of slumber. As I fall asleep, Sangyeon gets into bed next to me and tucks us both in. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

“What a night.” I think to myself before dozing off in Sangyeons strong arms, moonlight shining through the huge windows.

Tomorrow is a new day, where we decide what happens next. But one thing's for sure.

I am addicted to Lee Sangyeon.

~

Light shines through the windows as I open my eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding, and then it hits me. I had mindblowing sex with Lee Sangyeon and now I am lying naked, tangled in his bedsheets. I feel an arm loosely draped around my bare waist. As I sigh and glance over next to me, I find Sangyeon lying on his side, staring at me with fond eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispers to me in his deep morning voice. Swoon.

“Good morning, handsome.” I whisper back to him with a smile on my face.

I untangle myself from his arm, and attach my lips softly to his. Sangyeon does not react at first, but proceeds to kiss me back softly and full of tenderness as he cups my face into his hands. I break the kiss and lay my head on his bare chest.

“Last night was amazing.” Sangyeon murmurs into my hair and kisses my temple as I nod back.

Oh fuck, I just remembered. I sat up and faced the man with wide eyes.

“What's wrong baby?” Sangyeon asks, genuinely concerned.

“Fuck, what do I tell Kevin?” I gape at him.

Sangyeon chuckles loudly, eyes crinkling as he grabs my waist and pulls me down towards him. He tickles me, making me laugh.

After lying in bed for what seemed like hours and just talking, Sangyeon reaches over to the night table next to him. He grabs his phone and starts to furiously type as I just stare at his fingers flying across the screen.

“I told Jacob he is in charge over at the house this weekend, which means I get to spend it all with you.” He says as he puts his phone back down. Apparently, now I was spending the weekend at Sangyeon’s luxury penthouse. Good thing I didn’t have work this weekend.

After taking a shower in Sangyeon’s massive ensuite bathroom (and looking at myself in the mirror, in shock at the sight of my hickeys across my body), I changed into the clothes he left me, which seems to be his boxers and a blue and pink pullover sweater. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to find a very shirtless Sangyeon putting waffles on the island counter. He briefly explained to me earlier that he sent all his staff home, including his cooks, so it could just be us in the penthouse.

“Wow, waffles? You really know the way to a girl's heart.” I say amused as I take a seat on one of the island chairs.

He laughs loud and leans over the island, arms resting on the counter. “It's one of the only things I know how to make, so expect take out the rest of the weekend.” Sangyeon says with a smile on his beautiful face as I wolfed down the waffles in front of me.

“One day I’ll teach you how to cook.” I wink at him.

Sangyeon grabs my hand softly and rubs his thumb over my knuckles and kisses them softly. “I would love that, y/n.” He says with a smile on his face.

The rest of the day is spent just relaxing. Sangyeon shows me around his penthouse, from his impressive indoor gym to his walk in closet in which he implies that will once be mine as well. I ignore his comment. Afterwards, he shows me the tv room where a massive flat screen was attached to the wall and asks me to pick a movie, which I pick The Notebook.

“Really y/n?” Sangyeon rolls his eyes as he sets the movie up.

“Yes Sangyeon really. Now come sit here and enjoy.” I respond as I pat the spot on the leather couch next to me.

After the movie, and laughing at an almost crying Sangyeon, I go to retrieve my phone from my clutch to find 15 missed calls from Kevin.

“Oh good! He didn't kill you!” Kevin cries in my ear after picking up after the first ring.

“Yes Kev, I'm totally fine.” I respond quietly.

“Did you guys fuck?” Kevin asks and when I don’t respond, he screams into the phone, which makes me cringe and move the device away from my ear.

“OMG I KNEW IT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! WAS HIS DICK AS BIG AS JACOB AND I THOUGHT?” He yells into the phone as I softly chuckle and proceeds to tell everything to a panicking Kevin.

“Holy shit. I owe Eric $50.” Kevin sighs into the phone after I explained everything to him.

“You were betting on me? Anyways I don't even wanna know.” I say annoyed.

“Are you guys like a thing now?” He asks me.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I reply unsure.

“Well no matter what, I support you sweetcheeks.” Kevin assures.

I snort. “Thanks Kev, right back at you. Gotta go now eat dinner, I'll update you later.”

Kevin laughs. “Enjoy Sangyeons big d-” I hung up on him.

That night found Sangyeon and I, fully clothed, cuddled in bed and holding each other, just listening to each other's heartbeat and making small talk.

“Sangyeon, how did you become the leader of TBZ?” I asked, looking up at him from where my head was on his chest.

He sighs and looks straight ahead. “For generations, a Lee has always led the gang, no matter what. It was between my cousins and myself, but my elders picked me, as my dad was the former leader before he passed and I've always been a leader, even since I was a young boy,” Sangyeon replies.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t worry about me princess. Tell me, what are you studying?” He asks me.

“I'm studying childhood studies and english lit  so after I graduate I can enroll in a teachers college. I wanna be an elementary school teacher.” I answer him proudly.

Sangyeon smiles at me fondly. “You will be an amazing teacher.” He says while stroking my face with his hands. He kisses me softly as I melt into his touch.

After not being so sure about Sangyeon, I have come to realize how amazing he is. I can feel myself starting to like him more and more each day.

I am his and he is mine and in the end, it's him and I.

~

Months pass, and Sangyeon and I can’t get enough of each other. Everyday when I finish my shift at work, he picks me up and we either go to his place or mine to have dinner. Last week I even taught him how to boil pasta! But, sometimes we don’t even make it to dinner because I end up riding him in the back of his luxury car. Whoops.

One day while we were lying in bed after having sex, I sat up.

“Wait Sangyeon, what are we?” I asked him, facing where he was lying on his back.

Sangyeon sat up next to me.  “Well y/n, I'm extremely fond of you and think you are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I wish to give you nothing but happiness and satisfaction. I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend,” He says to me, a glimmer in his eyes.

I stare at him, shocked because no one has ever said anything like this to me, and then I felt myself smile at him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes Lee Sangyeon, I will be your girlfriend. I will be yours.”

He smiles wide back at me. “Then you are all mine.” He whispers back as he connects his lips with mine for a passionate kiss.

Kevin thinks it’s hilarious that I wear more turtlenecks more often, which always makes me turn beet red. Because when Sangyeon and I have sex, he doesn’t just bite, he chews on my body like a fucking dog (“Doesnt it feel so good though?” “Kevin I swear to god.”) I have also gotten to meet Sangyeon’s entire gang, made up of 11 men including himself, and watching Sangyeon speak to them so confidently and leader-like makes my heart flutter. Yeah, I definitely think I’ve fallen in love with Lee Sangyeon.

A rainy Thursday afternoon found me finishing up my shift at work, getting ready to close the cafe as the only employee left. Sangyeon had texted me earlier saying he couldn't pick me up today due to an important meeting, so I was stuck walking home alone. Which was fine with me since my apartment was only a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As I was locking up the cafe doors, I heard a car engine behind me. I turned around smiling, expecting to see Sangyeon, but my smile faded, when the window opened and Bang Chan was in the passenger seat, pointing a gun at me.

“Y/n. Get in the car right now so no one gets hurt.” He commands me in a monotone voice.

“Never.” I sneer back at him and start to back away from the car.

“Fine. Guess we are doing this the hard way.” He replies.

Before I could sprint away, someone appeared behind me, put a cloth to my mouth and grabbed my waist. As the world around me went black, all I could think was, “Lee Sangyeon is going to murder you for stealing his girl.”

Blood. Blood is dripping from a gash in my forehead when I regain consciousness. I look around frantically to find myself in what looked like an abandoned warehouse with my hands and legs tied together with heavy rope.

“Help!” I scream loudly, but that did not do anything for my situation. Instead, Bang Chan enters with another man holding a rifle and I feel another scream forming in my throat. The rope tied around my hands and legs were digging into my flesh and I could feel blood emerging from them.

“Ah y/n! Lee’s playtoy! Glad to see you awake!” Bang Chan claps and smiles at me wickedly while I just glare back.

“TBZ knows you're with us sweetheart.” He says. “We told them it's either you or the money.”

My mouth opens and then closes. “What money? I swear I don't know anything, he never tells me about his work,” I cry to him.

“LIES!” Bang Chan screams. “Han. Go get her.” The other man - Han - walks over to me, ignites the rifle and puts it against my head hard. I start to cry even harder and squirm in my spot even though I feel the rope burning getting worse.

“We are going to try this again y/n. Where is the money?” Bang Chan yells into my face. I spat at him and Han forced the gun to my already bleeding forehead harder.

“I'm done. Shoot her.” Bang Chan shouts.

“No, please don't shoot!” I cry, knowing nothing will make a difference.

As I felt Han press down on the trigger, I stop thrashing and sat still. At this point, there was nothing I could do to stop this myself.

Lee Sangyeon, don't forget about me.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!” A familiar voice yells behind Bang Chan.

I wail loud with my last bit of strength I had.  “Help m-” BOOM!

Around me, I see the building collapse, rubble hitting my head as it knocks me over. Gunshots were loud and clear although my ears were ringing loud.

The last thing I remember before blacking out again were strong arms pulling me out of rubble.

Beeping. White ceiling. That is what I see and hear when I finally regain consciousness again. Looking around the plain room, I can see that I’m in a hospital bed. There is a bandage on my head and I can feel both my wrists and feet bandaged tightly, as well as an IV in my right arm. I move my head to the right slowly to the hallway window and see guards are positioned outside the hospital room. “Anything for Lee Sangyeon’s girl.” I think to myself and chuckle.

Wait. Sangyeon. Where is he? Is he alive?

“Hey sweet cheeks.” I hear a voice from the other side of the room. I slowly turn my head to see Kevin standing up from the couch that is in front of my bed and smiling at me.

“I'm glad you're okay. You woke up earlier than the doctors thought. You don’t have to worry about the Stray Kids gang anymore. They all died in the explosion.” He explains to me.

I nod my head slowly.

“Sangyeon. Where is Sangyeon?” I rasp out to Kevin.

Kevin softly smirks and shakes his head at the ground. “He's okay, he was here a few minutes ago, he hasn’t left your side in days. I’ll go get him, he's just getting his bandages touched up. He got injured in the explosion while pulling you out of the rubble.” Kevin tells me as I feel tears in my eyes. He would’ve sacrificed himself to save my life.

After patting my head softly, Kevin left the room to get Sangyeon, leaving me alone crying softly.

“Y/n.” I gasp and sit up and look towards the door, where the love of my life, Lee Sangyeon is standing with white bandages on his left arm and tears streaming down his scratched up, but beautiful face. Seeing him standing in front of me, makes me cry even harder. Without saying anything, I rip the IV out of my arm, slide out of the bed and jump into Sangyeons arms, and engulf him in a hug, which he gladly returns.

“I thought I lost you.” I cry into his shoulder as he sits down on the bed with me on his lap. I move my head to stare into his beautiful eyes, that still have his usual shimmer, even after all that has happened. “You'll never lose me.” He whispers fondly as he cups my face in his hands and wipes away my tears softly with his right thumb.

Sangyeon held me like I was a broken doll, fragile but sweet. He whispered sorry to me over and over again, which I quickly shushed and ran a bandaged hand through his soft brown hair.

“I love you so much.” I say to him, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him towards me.

“I love you more princess.” He says while smiling wide at me, which made me smile back at him as we connected foreheads.

~

“God Sangyeon. Go take a shower you stink.” I say to him as we enter his penthouse after being in the hospital for days, which ended with the doctor clearing both of us. I got the bandages on my head, hands, and feet, and he got his bandages removed.

“And you don’t smell y/n?” He smirks at me as I scoff. “Shower with me.” He says, eyes darkening as my breath hitches.

“Okay.” I nod, and we are on our way to his huge ensuite bathroom.

We both strip out of our dirty clothes and get into the massive glass shower, me going in first with Sangyeon following.

I watch him pump the liquid from the shampoo bottle into his hands, and lather the shampoo into my hair as he stands behind me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Y/n” Sangyeon tells me as I lean my back into his chest. His hands lightly trace my body, lingering on my lower stomach and my breasts. I could feel his erection growing, and being the little greedy bitch I am, I grind down on it slowly. All of a sudden, he turns me around and attaches his lips to mine hard, and we are both caught in a rough make out session. He breaks the kiss and stares at me with lust clouded eyes.

“Are you gonna take care of this princess?” Sangyeon asks me while his eyes are motioning to his cock.

“Yes Sir.” I reply, not sure where that came from, as he pushes my shoulders down lightly and I feel myself fall to my knees.

Without thinking, I grab his hard cock with my hands and pump it a few times.I licked the slit tasting the precum that had come out, before sinking my mouth down his shaft softly, making him swear under his breath.

“Fuck you’re such a good girl. You suck my cock so well.” He hisses while grabbing my hair and guiding my head back and forth while I lap up his precum. He guides my head so that I swallow his cock and I gag on it a bit, which makes him growl loudly. My watering eyes glanced up at Sangyeon to see his head tilted back, mouth open partially.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum. Gonna dirty up that hot mouth of yours.” Sangyeon rasps out as I feel his hot cum go down my throat as he rides out his orgasm. I release myself from his dripping cock and swallow the cum that had landed in my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. Princess. You're so good at that.” He cooes at me while helping me stand up and kisses me quickly and firmly on the mouth.

“Do I get something for being good, Sir?” I ask him while batting my eyes together, trying to pout as much as I could.

“That depends, what do you want? You want me to fuck you in this shower until you can't walk” He asks me loudly.

“God yes!” I answer him. Sangyeon picks me up like I weigh nothing as I wrap my legs and arms around his broad body.

“FUCK!” I scream as Sangyeon slams his cock into my pussy without any warning.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit.” Sangyeon curses under his breath.

I moan like crazy as Sangyeon fucks me hard, every thrust hitting my g-spot.

“You feel so good y/n. Your tight pussy feels amazing around my cock.” He rasps out before sucking on my jaw, making me arch my back and moan. I could feel my orgasm coming already. Sangyeon is a sex god and he knew how to have me cumming within seconds.

“I'm gonna cum in you, y/n, ok? I want you to feel my hot cum inside of you.” He growls in my ear as I loudly moan. I couldn't even answer him, I just nodded my head while leaving scratches on his back.

“FUCK!” We both scream and cum at the same time, I shudder feeling Sangyeons hot load entering my pussy. He drops his head onto my shoulder, whispering praise in my ear as I'm shaking in his arms. Both of us panting and sweating, even underneath the water. When he pulls his cock out, his cum and my cum is dripping fast out of my pussy. Sangyeon puts me down but I start to fall over, so he catches me and starts to snicker.

“Well I guess we have to take a real shower now and clean ourselves up.” He says amusingly as I roll my eyes and smack his chest as he laughs.

~

June 2021, I finally graduate college! As my name is being called, shouts and cheers come from the audience as I look and see the entire TBZ gang jumping up and down. My smile grows even bigger when I'm shaking the headmaster's hand and see Sangyeon, my boyfriend of one year, in the audience holding a bouquet of red roses with a huge proud smile on his face. After enrolling in teacher’s college and officially moving in with Sangyeon, Kevin announces to everyone over a gang family dinner that he and Jacob are getting married, and that I'm his best person, which makes the whole gang erupt in chaos. Sangyeon has to calm everyone down, and congratulates the happy couple fondly, knowing that everyone will be as supportive when he finally asks his best girl to marry him.

Two months later I found myself at the MoonBae wedding. During the reception, Kevin calls all the non-married men and women to the dance floor so he can throw the bouquet. What shocks everyone the most is when I catch it, making Kevin and Jacob both scream and tackle me in a hug. Sangyeon chokes on his glass of scotch and turns purple watching the whole event unfold.

Sangyeon proposes to me one quiet night four months after Kevin and Jacob’s wedding as we are both drinking wine and watching the sunset on his penthouse balcony.

“Y/n, You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says to me with tears in eyes as he gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” Sangyeon asks.

“Yes! Of course I’ll marry you. ” I answer him crying.

Sangyeon smiles wide at me and picks me up and spins me around before kissing me passionately.

“I love you so much y/n l/n.”

“I love you more Lee Sangyeon.”

“You’re mine forever.”

“And I'm yours.”

well i hope you enjoyed! sorry if it was bad or rushed again it was my first time hehe

stream breaking dawn and support tbz on kingdom :D

[nulltune]

😳

lemme scream abt our muses!!

you: -joke abt throwing all ur muses at me-

me: bet?

childe: hakuno can be reaal chaotic too don't get me wrong (canonically likes reckless bond quests! and candy :pleading: she is a sweets luvr..) but i feel like she'd def try to prevent childe from doing anything too crazy sdfghj stop him from commiting atrocities, y'know! i feel like what would be sooo interesting to explore when it comes to them would be... family. hakuno doesn't have one! (she is so lonely actually ^_T) from what i'm reading from his character stories, he's being compared to wolves a lot (tho ngl i get more fox vibes but lmk what u think ta!) and i simply hold up bunnykuno (my hakuno is very bunnygirl coded. nodnod) because i'm basic but it's a neat trope!

gorou: i knowww i mostly talk about hakuno being a catluvr (they are her favs... along with foxes!) but she's a luvr of "fluffy-wuffy" (<- actual words she said) in general! what i'm saying is that she'd find his ears and tails super adorable :pleading: saw that he can speak to dogs too, and i think she would be so hyped about that VDNFBS sparkly-eyed stoic and all! i see that he likes sweets too so they can be sweets buddies methinks! (hakuno shares all her candies with him because she thinks his tail wagging when happy is the cutest thing-)

albedo: NONHUMAN FRENS..... ok but humanity is a really important theme for my hakuno and i think these two would be real interesting for that! really like it too because albedo's more of the logical type while hakuno's more emotional (though both of them really have that :| energy GDJFSH). albedo's line about socializing makes me really want them to have a chat about bonds and connection thooo (<- also a really important theme for my hakuno!) i know he likes desserts too so like- they can also be sweet buddies ! :pleading:

ayaka: not to say frens in all caps after i just did but leT AYAKA HAVE SOME FRIENDS!! one of which being a lovely little moon lady (who also wants friends, so it's perfect) uwu✨️ hakuno may look all elegant and ladylike but like i mentioned in the previous ask for murr-- she can be pretty damn chaotic! nothing too bad, but i think it miight help ayaka have a little more freedom in her life mayhaps? loosen up a little and enjoy the simpler things in life :,) her line about stability "I only wish life could be as leisurely as this a little more often... How greedy of me." is something that i can really imagine hakuno saying as well

aimé: HEEELLO TA OC?? 😳 seeing how he roams teyvat, i think he and hakuno could meet easily! maybe they could even wander together in a kinda adventure buddies kinda dynamic? hakuno isn't the best cook either but him liking charred food is so,,, FDJDHSHD (hakuno vc that's... really sad..) but yeah, after knowing that i think she'd definitely try to make him something, y'know, not charred! (pls drop the lore on what his favorite food is hehe-) if you wanna talk abt him :eyes: :eyes: I AM SUPER HYPED 2 LISTEN OKOK! would love to know more about him <3 LEMME LOVE HIM!

hiyori: hiyori being so bright and cheerful v hakuno's gentle radiance is a real nice contrast of vibes methinks! giving me sunshine and moonlight vibes respectively.... i also literally see him be described as overly blinding sgdjgs but that’s also interesting to me because hakuno is more of the type to fade off into the background (f for moon girl-) — not the only point of difference between them though! i kid you not, in canon hakuno was so broke she made a king cry and she’s really conscious about her spendings so-- on a comedic note, i feel like hakuno would pass out internally whenever she sees hiyori so effortlessly make a pricey purchase DVFKSBFN hopefully i've established hakuno as a fluffy-wuffy animal luvr because she would love to see his pics of bloody mary sm!!! would also love to see her okok <3

nazuna: i see nazuna places a strong value on honesty and hard work-- two very hakunocore traits i must say, i'm sorry!! they're both worrywarts that take care of others more than themselves i think, so i feel like they might nag on each other (/POS) a bit. it's because they care tho! i feel like hakuno would find nazuna so cute actually... and my hakuno is very much onee-san coded so- she’s naturally very caring but she’d extra look after him methinks! i see that nazuna does his best to encourage and support others and :pleading: hakuno def needs that kind of positivity in that life :,) she’s a tough cookie to crack though, i must warn you on that! would also just like to mention how they’re the same height (160cm) and i’m sorry but another warning: hakuno can be a gremlin and i just think she’d put on heels just to tease him about that sdfghgdh    

ritsu: I DIDN’T EXPECT TO SEE SO MANY SIMILARITIES BETWEEN HIM N HAKUNO ACTUALLY... okok but starting off, he likes to tease people to see their reactions and i’m so sorry because again, hakuno is literally so 😐🧍‍♂️ fdsfgdhj her cuter more expressive side shows when you get closer to her!! they’re both very intuitive which is interesting when you take into account their similar traits (i.e. ABANDONMENT ISSUES- yet distance themselves from other in a way ^_T). ritsu gives me cat vibes too so like,, can imagine her lowkey doting on him. if she finds him passed out somewhere, he won't have to worry abt a thing be stronk kuno can carry him to safety ! 💪 they both play the piano too so idk idk i think it’d be neat for them to play something together! also, i’ve mentioned hakuno’s sweet tooth a lot but!! i still have to say it: she’d love to try his sweets okok :pleading:

kaoru: if he tries to flirt with her then good luck kaoru because this girl's denser than a harem protagonist FHDSHD hakuno's 🤨 about flirts though, so i feel like there could be potential for some bit of tension there, but i don't think it'd be anything particularly bad! hakuno would definitely understand and relate to his want for validation and i feel like she'd be able to see more to him than just a "playboy" kind of image :thonk: i see that he gets along with the "eccentric" types anddd hakuno could def fit right in there lmao - she may look all cute and elegant, but she's pretty quirky chaotic! it'd be sweet for them to slowly befriend and open up to each other methinks :pleading:

[mc-critical]

Hi! Hope you're doing well. ^^ I don't know if you answered this already, but i read some of your thoughts on both Isabella and Firuze's arcs and i wanted to ask you something: Why do you find Firuze's concubine arc to be better than Isabella's? Personally, i think that Firuze was much more endereable and i almost like her arc sometimes, tho i have always find both girls to be kind of pointless tbh x'd but i'd love to read your thoughts!

Hehe, this question is so timely considering I was just rewatching the Isabella arc! 😀 I wanted to wait until I finished it to give a more detailed answer though, because I have... thoughts.

To get the "elephant in the room" out of the way - while I love the Firuze arc and this rewatch only cemented how much I prefer it over Isabella, it's far from the best written arc in the world. It has its planning issues that can lead us to question Firuze's whole persona and the things about the character that make her even cooler are still a result of a twist planned almost all of a sudden. Isabella is written in a safer, more Latino telenovela-esque manner, so you can't really make that many mistakes with the character itself and she remains as bland as she can be (Isabella's character on its own is the least of the arc's problems), while with Firuze we have a far more ambitious concept, the execution of which can bring many bumps on the road with the possibility of contrasting character traits that may look like it was not threaded so carefully (but that's also why she's so interesting to begin with!).

The overall point of mine is: for the amount of focus and screentime both arcs got, the Isabella arc is the one truly rendered pointless in the end.

Both Isabella and Firuze have setups in the story. Different kinds of setup: Isabella has a more personal kind of setup, connected with Hürrem and Süleiman, with the supposed massive effect of her presence sprinkled in all around, while Firuze works with both the personal opposition and massive outcome in a much stronger way, in all fronts. Firuze is set up as a mystery and say whatever you want about how consistent, logical or well-executed it was, but with her we had a slow and gradual reveal of personality, motives and possible flaws that managed to have some kind of a payoff in the end. Isabella was never a mystery in her design, but the narrative was kind of pretending she was by making us guess what would she be used for in the end and how would the tables turn, would they turn when Hürrem consistently says she would get rid of her. Isabella's plot thread was a tease by Süleiman through and through and nothing about her story paid off in the end. It felt like 10 episodes of wasted time, while Firuze managed to leave a not that blatantly obvious, but still lasting effect on the story and themes.

I see why the concubine arcs may be considered pointless by the fandom, because well, who needs those when you know everything would be alright for the relationship in the end because of historical accuracy? Why make pointless drama when history knows of this relationship as more or less monogamous? Yes, no one needed so many concubine arcs in such circumstances and especially when 2/3 of them weren't even slightly endearing. But the writers have decided to make time for such arcs and when you make an arc of this kind, you need to have stakes. You need to convince people or at least your mass audience who may not know about the historical events that something is at stake there, that this is a fictional storyline you have to watch unfold, a real challenge the relationship has to overcome.

The Isabella arc doesn't have stakes. It's actually pretty harmless in that it doesn't cause any major rift between Hürrem and SS. Because in fact, when SS isn't with Isabella, everything is pretty much alright. Hürrem and SS sleep with each other, visit each other, SS still recites her poems, writes her letters and the most egregious thing: SS lets Isabella know that Hürrem is special to him. This way the narrative lets us know that the relationship won't get threatened at all under Isabella. We had nothing to worry about there, because she's labeled as a "state matter" and we're always moved back and forth between that and Hürrem's plots. I would be fine with that if she well and truly were about playing with the foreign kings and ambassadors or if she were a one trick pony, but unfortunately, that's not the case. Firuze caused a continuous rift between Hürrem and SS. He ignored her continuously, wrote letters to Firuze instead of her (to Isabella he wrote only one and then we had Isabella write one some episodes later), recited poems to Firuze instead of her and seemed pretty infatuated with her, with the consistent threat of change and question how will Hü and SS recover from this looming over. This may be a stretch for a historical series, but for a general viewer of a show, it causes far more tension and investment, especially considering the other stuff about Firuze.

The concubine arcs essentially create antagonists of Hürrem's for the heart of Süleiman. Isabella has the Nazenin problem of being set up as an antagonist of someone else entirely, hence becoming an antagonist of Hürrem only when or because the plot and drama demand it. Firuze has the opposite scenario with being set up as an antagonist of Hürrem from the outset when she's actually an antagonist of Süleiman thanks to the twist. And here's the thing: she works both ways, because while Isabella challenged solely SS's philosophy and beliefs in a plot independent of Hürrem before the "becoming an antagonist of Hürrem" turnaround, Firuze and Hürrem were fighting tooth and nail from the start and when her mission was revealed, it was to kill SS, which... also threatened Hürrem too, because remember what she said: if there's no Süleiman, there's no Hürrem. If Firuze won anytime, either way, it would have been all over for her in both Firuze's pre-twist role and post-twist actions. With Isabella and Süleiman? No such thing!

And when Isa becomes "what she was always meant to become", we see that... she's actually a pretty bad antagonist of Hürrem's. For her entire screentime, Isabella is a threat to Hürrem solely for existing and that isn't at all enough for 10 episodes. Admittedly, the writers kinda tried for something more to come out of it, but that didn't work. We had the parallels with Hürrem making the same mistakes against Isabella Mahidevran did (Mahidevran wanting the ring for herself and then stealing it - Hürrem wanting the pendant for herself and then stealing it, both vowing to kill their rivals and going to threaten them in ways they give said rivals the upper hand etc.) and we had Isabella being a princess briefly set up as a big deal, but the former was so fast and loose because of S02A's haphazard transitions from one plot/thematic element to another and the latter was for only for one scene in the end of E36, one and something episode before the arc would be over (or two scenes if we count the Hürrem-Mahidevran confrontation in E32 where Hü says that Isabella isn't like Mahidevran). The only consistent thing she had going for her was her ultimately falling in love with SS. Isabella wasn't so much of a threat, she was a very inactive antagonist - we only had brief looks and some attempts to flirt in front of Hürrem, due to her provoking her before that (the first time Isa flirted openly with SS was after a confrontation with Hürrem, with Isa stating that she would play this game and that's as far as she could get as a danger). I get why Hürrem would get threatened by her, of course, but as an audience, no one really cares, because we don't see her doing something bigger that would actively threaten Hürrem. She had her first halvet as an attempt of payoff by the time her story would be over. There wasn't much of a dynamic between them either, because Isabella actually wanted to stay as far from Hürrem as possible until she ended up being afraid of her with Karmina's constant warnings that she's dangerous and their confrontations happening because Hürrem went there to challenge her outright.

Firuze was more of a proactive antagonist - while she also fully becomes one because Hürrem provoked her after she admitted outright that she was the woman she was searching for out of sheer guilt, she automatically gives off alarming signs to the audience, when she doesn't fall in love with SS in the second half of her arc, but almost immediately claims that SS and Topkapi are her destiny. With the mystery plot hanging around, we want to figure out what her deal is from the beginning when she does big stuff that could actually threaten Hürrem. Getting the purple handkerchief is a big deal, being so long in SS's favor is a big deal, almost taking away Hürrem's Thursdays is a big deal, her getting along with Mihrimah and Cihangir (and Mehmet, as loosely alluded to as it is) is a big deal, almost killing SS and trolling the whole dynasty is a big deal, everything about her is a big deal. Her dynamic with Hürrem is more detailed - the provocations between them are mutual and most importantly, Firuze believes in what she wants to achieve and that stands fully against Hürrem's status-quo.

While Isabella is very far from Hürrem overall, aside from some loose stuff here and there, Firuze is more of a counterpoint to Hürrem - she's a well-adjusted, conflict-averse, interested in playing instruments and poetry, openly caring to the point of risking her entire mission individual who seems to win everyone around and works more subtly behind the scenes. Firuze seems to start out the same way Hürrem did (the ships in the sea, the slave markets, the dancing and the way they got into SS's chambers, the learning etc.), but ending up in a different way and having different motives for which she lives her role that made her and Hürrem clash. Admittedly, both arcs have thematic roles, but Firuze is a more outright break of Hürrem's E63 victory and a contrast to her boundless loyalty to SS, while Isabella very briefly in one scene addresses Hürrem's status as a slave compared to her being princess, a status subject to change, something hinted at way better by both Hatice and Valide before and afterwards. And that was the only interesting point Hürrem-Isabella could offer.

An antagonist has to challenge the protagonist's being in some way. Firuze does a terrific job in putting Hürrem's fundamental beliefs into question. We have a good contrast as well - in their confrontations, Hürrem acts highly and mightily, but both Firuze and her enemies tell her that this will be her end. She's not all convinced that she would win once again. Isabella doesn't question much of anything, at least not as a consistent trend - and despite of all the shortcomings, Hürrem shows outer and inner confidence that she would win and take them all down one by one. Firuze had a vulnerable side of Hürrem's brought out, we don't have much of the inner confidence anymore with SS seemingly giving Firuze more and more. If Firuze weren't a spy, she could've won. The audience itself isn't supposed to put Hürrem's confidence in front of Isabella into question, because it is fueled with promise that SS has grand plans for Isabella that didn't involve his relationship with Hürrem. Firuze has SS totally on board and we end up questioning him more directly, which fits into SS's growing downward spiral and the payoff of the twist.

{It was very fitting to put Hürrem and Firuze against each other, because their antagonism is the loyalty they have to SS. An unconditionally loyal person vs. a person who plays that role with ulterior motives makes up for a spicy plot, any and all issues notwithstanding.}

The Firuze arc handles much better the aspect of support by everyone. With both Isabella and Firuze we had Hürrem stressing that everyone supported the other concubine, but with Isa it was more contradictory. The only full support Isabella had was from Mahidevran, Valide only wanted to see Isa out of curiosity and then stopped and then started again in the end with telling her she wanted kids from her and that's all, Hatice rubbed Isabella in Hürrem's face a few times, but she was also suspicious of her having something with Ibrahim, thus mildly disliking her herself, Ibrahim interfered only when Isabella was escaping with Hü's help when Isa was still a state matter and then dared act against the princess himself to frame Hürrem when SS gave him a blunt sign that Isa wasn't much of a state matter anymore. With Firuze we truly had everyone more or less supporting her unconditionally, the only exception being Afife, who supported the harem law more than she did Firuze from the start. It just makes Hürrem's displays in the Firuze arc (the justice scene with Afife in E72) far more sympathetic than her confrontation with Valide for Isabella in E33.

Even though the Firuze arc seems like repetition by the time it happened, it's really not. I don't deny that would've been more apparent if Isabella didn't happen before her, it's a fact, but the repetition honestly lies elsewhere. Isabella doesn't have stakes also because Hürrem wasn't in a different position where her relationship with SS could be opposed. Isa is more or less Gülnihal or Sadıka or the Russian concubines or any concubine ever in a halvet for SS, not for 1-2 eps, but for an arc (and them capitalizing on her princess aspect was basically thrown away by her halvet and exit). Hürrem wasn't in the position to demand more from SS, it was useless, prolonged drama on that front. With Firuze Hürrem's status had actually changed. She was a free woman, a wedded wife, and while it wasn't confirmed outright that she would necessarily be the one and only, after what SS had given to Hürrem at this point, after the ceremony, after the demand for respect, after their more familial dynamic, after all she had accomplished... Firuze made a pretty big impact where the protagonist was the supposed winner.

Firuze had a more fitting placement as an arc not only because of what I mentioned below, but also because SS and Hü weren't in a good phase a while before Firuze appeared, either. We had Hürrem wanting Valide's chambers as buildup then turned into a direct inciting incident, but we also had Hürrem objecting a decision of SS's regarding giving Mahidevran the harem and the Valide illness and stuff, where they could get turbulent when SS thought Hü said or did something inappropriate. Firuze built on that, intentionally or not. Isabella wasn't very fit for the Battle of Mohacs monologue of SS's and Hürrem's traumatic response to Leo's death and her strive to gather more allies and act against Ibrahim, mostly because those merely turned into subplots because of Isabella.

While Firuze's exit from the show gave us a new perspective on her and revealed a bigger picture that capitalized on the theme of loyalty, made SS more paranoid and tied into the buildup of Ibrahim's death, Isabella's threw all her setup as an important lady for state matters SS would surprise us with when the time came out of the window, leaving us only with Hürrem getting rid of her and SS covering for her. It was all turned into a game SS played with everyone, which was by no means an elaborate plan that did anything, and it only ended up being there for the drama and nothing else more than anything. Firuze did a lot by contrast and comparison.

But did Isabella have a point anyway? Yes, they actually tried to make a point with her. In the beginning, she was presented more as the view of the other states of SS: her claiming consistently that he was a barbarian and SS was always tempted to prove her wrong in some way. It tried to be a clash between two worlds and two ways of thinking. But tell me, how much weight does this hold when up to this point, the foreigners were all dumb or evil or cowards or all three one-dimensional caricatures that were set to fail from the word "go"? There's no hook in such storylines when it is obvious SS would prevail and he would fool them all. They are all style, no substance and the play with Isabella confirms this (especially with the Frederic escape plot and no one believing she was alive when Gritti told them, hence them only moping around!!). Not to mention that has zip to do with her as a concubine arc. Firuze, on the other hand, while being the other extreme thrown in just like that, finally subverted the trope of caricarurish foreigners (followed by S04 Şah Tahmasp; note: Sadıka was very close to subverting it, but missed the mark a liiiittle by the end with the her last attempt against SS being quite ridiculously shot and presented), while having all the other positives listed above. She was a breath of retroactively fresh air, to say the least.

Lastly, I won't go into who is more interesting or sympathetic, because that's a personal preference. I actually found myself liking Isabella as a character on rewatch, especially when she stood up against SS. The only thing I found annoying was her trying to flirt with Ibro for a scene, but that's about it. Her scenes are skippable and she can be boring and forgettable, but I managed to find her sympathetic. Though that doesn't mean Firuze isn't overally better and more complex in every way and I enjoy watching her in action far more.

[I could also go on about how Isabella takes screentime away from characters with more significant material and how her simpler plot is stretched beyond belief for.... zero points, but that's more of a tonal and structural problem of the entire half-season that shouldn't be blamed only on her. However, Firuze does work better with her more balanced screentime that complements the arcs of the rest.]

[requiem626k]

Hello my dear Req, I'm here again to ask for some classical music you could recommend me🤭 Usually I would ask for piano music, but I've been in the mood for one with a harp in it lately! And I know you're busy with school and all that so please take your time hehe. And take care🥰

Hello there, my dearest Kat ❤️! I’d be so delighted to recommend you more pieces, it makes my little heart so happy that you’re interested in them 🥺💕

I hope you’ll like my selection! I tried to include variety in terms of vibes, nationalities and eras this time (Austrian-Classical, Russian-Romantic and French-19th century), instead of sticking to a single man 🤭 I’ll try to keep it short and simple (no that’s a lie, I won’t be able to 😶)

And thank you so much for your consideration, things have been pretty busy for me indeed so I’m sorry for the extremely late post 😖 And I know that uni is soon starting for you, so likewise, please take your time to listen to the pieces <3

That being said, let’s start~

Mozart - Als Luise die Briefe ihres ungetreuen Liebhabers verbrannte

Of course, it wouldn’t be Req’s post if it didn’t start off with Mozart. This is a short lied like Das Veilchen (the one that I previously shared), the title is long haha and it means “As Luise Was Burning the Letters of Her Unfaithful Lover”. As you can guess from its name, this is really, REALLY dramatic. It’s in c minor, a tonality that Mozart doesn’t use so often (but when he does, oh boy, see his Great Mass in c minor 🤤) but which is perfect for its fierce mood. Also it’s fairly special for me because we used to sing this in our music theory classes haha, I would play the piano accompaniment while practicing with the classmates before every oral exam.

I truly adore this lied. The lyrics are once again taken from a poem, a poem of Gabriele von Baumberg, she apparently wrote it at a very young age (18 or so).

My heart melts at 00.34 omg, that soft “melancholie” and the silence that comes after 🥺… It’s truly one of those silences that make you agree with Mozart’s quote:

The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.

Then, it takes a cheerful turn (he just can’t refrain from putting happy sprinkles 🤭) until the strong chord at 00.49.

I think the section that starts at 01.00 is so worthy of being noted, I love love LOVE the suspense and tension that the piano accompaniment creates and that finishes with a strong build-up.

And the chord at 01.32… I leave my heart there. It just has me so soft. It’s so bittersweet, Mozart for some reason repeats the phrase “May smoulder long yet in my heart.” twice at the end and it’s just- 🥺

As always, he knows so well what word must be cited with what emotion, and chooses carefully his chords and functions. I just love it, and wanted to share since you had liked the previous lied 🤭

Rachmaninoff - Piano Concerto No. 2

*inhale* This one’s gonna be long, I can feel it.

I have literally SO MANY things to say about this one.

Rachmaninoff is a famous Russian composer that you might have heard of. He’s part of the Romantic Era which is, to simplify, about pouring your emotions and the turmoils in your life into your art and depicting feelings instead of trying to stick to certain rules and ‘holy’ virtues, of which we had already talked about a bit hehe.

And this piece… Oh my. You’ll see how different this concerto is compared to the Mozart ones we listened to previously. His second piano concerto corresponds to a depressive episode of his, due to his works not having a big success and being criticised so harshly. This beautiful piece is his comeback work, and you can just feel the inner conflicts, the emotional tornado he had at that period. With Mozart’s concertos, your soul is purified, they softly caress your insides and comfort you. But here, Rachmaninoff takes your emotions, and he proceeds to crush it. He plays with it, throws it, abuses it, you sob and sob and sob. At least I do 😭.

First movement

One can perfectly sense the dark pessimism in the first, silent, dangerous chord. As the 8 chords come one after another, every single one stronger than the previous, you’re on your toes and the tension increases until finally hearing the main theme through violins at 00.43. Listen to that theme very well. It’s so beautiful, so so moving, the piano section creates a fierce, dangerous background and I always get goosebumps when the violins come in.

Then, at 02.30, the second main theme is heard through the piano, pay attention to that! You will encounter it under various forms through the movement 🤭 It’s much softer compared to the first, ominous theme, it creates a beautiful contrast.

I want to note down the beautiful oboe-piano duet in 04.14 🥺. I adore oboes, it has a really beautiful and soft vibe, and here its melody is just so bittersweet when combined with the piano’s accompaniment. Then at 04.35, the piano starts playing a really soft phrase, the soft touch at that high note at 04.46, oh my God my heart. I have a feeling that you’ll adore that part 🥺 I want to note down literally every second omg

At 05.22, it turns once again really quiet and ominous, foreshadowing a big outburst through a build-up. The flutes play a big role in that aura through their short but dangerous phrases.

I especially adore the part at 06.17 in this pre-outburst section, it’s reminds me of a wave of emotions that keep hitting you and stepping back, only to strike even harder afterwards. The flutes in the background reinforce this vibe. The tension gets higher and higher at 06.36 (omg I’ll faint I love this part, I’m trembling while listening to it and trying to write this at the same time, I can’t keep up with my thoughts aaa) through the constant mutual escalation of both the piano and the orchestra. THE BEAUTY OF THE BUILD-UP PLEASE I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

And all this preparation was for the beautifully passionate part at 07.02. Rachmaninoff notes down “Alla Marcia”, meaning it should be played like a march, and its rhythmic features most certainly have that vibe. It’s just so majestic, so pompous, so raw, I love love LOVE it. It’s almost like you’re swooning in euphoria after having an emotional build-up and breakdown, it’s just- it’s something else that I can’t even describe. I just don’t have the right words for it.

I know that the piano’s melody is so alluring and enchanting there, but maybe in a second listen, I’ll want you to pay attention to the violin part during the march section 👀 Can you hear the very first theme that was introduced at the very beginning of the movement? Rachmaninoff was a total genius to put it in the background and make it fit so well. I always hesitate between paying attention to violins or piano, I end up rewinding it every single time 😖 It’s soo good.

After the euphoric section, the second theme comes again. A thing that’s worth noting down is the flute’s beautiful addition at 07.53, it’s in the background but it just makes my heart melt. I also always get goosebumps at the few ominous, sinister seconds that starts at 09.17 😳

Then it goes pretty quietly until the ending hehe, like a calmness after storm 😌 This piece is a total emotional rollercoaster, I swear. At 11.01, I love the playfulness of the piano section, it’s just so mischievous like a little naughty kitten. Then it picks up the pace, and ends with three strong beats.

Ugh. 🦋🦋🦋

Second movement

(meme credit goes to @/pianoomemes on Instagram)

This meme says it all. I don’t even need to add anything else. As you know by now, the second movements are meant to create a sharp contrast with the first one’s mood, and 🥺😭.

The main melody… It has my heart. The movement starts with a soft piano-flute introduction, and the ethereal main theme is heard at 12.56 through an oboe.

I don’t really any other commentary to do on this heavenly movement. Just let yourself in its embrace without any technical/guiding worries <3

(Though I feel obliged to add that the part that truly has me in this movement is 22.17 🥺. It’s just so moving and sweet ahh, it just takes you away, it almost has a sentiment of longing I feel, I always have a drop of tear forming in my eyes at that part.)

Third movement

The third movement is a usual, playful, jokester movement hehe. It’s a general pattern for final movements as you might have noticed, even though this one’s not written under a Rondo form. It’s rare that I say this, but I feel like this final movement is as charming as the second one for me 🤭 (No movement surpasses the first movement though, personally of course~)

The theme that starts at 25.51 through violins is so so charismatic, it almost always flusters me 😳✨.

Then he naughtily plays around with themes, modulations and instruments haha, I’ll leave the commentary at that and leave you once again alone with the movement itself 😌

(The majestic comeback of the charismatic theme at 34.09 though 😳! I’m *this* close to thirsting over a theme omg it’s MESMERISING I want to cry.)

Fauré - Cantique de Jean Racine, Op. 11

And finally, to fulfil your wish 💕, here’s a piece from Fauré where you can hear one of the most beautiful usages of harp in a work, in my opinion.

Even though it’s a religious work, its lyrics are in French. Fauré is a French composer from late 19th century, and even though he’s not that well-known among the media he’s a really unique composer that we can’t even classify in a certain movement. He’s from the same era as the French Impressionists such as Debussy or Ravel, but his style is much more different than theirs. He even has his own unique chord chain etc. that we use the term “fauréen” in harmony classes. But anyways, onto the piece 🤭

I really have no proper words to describe how heavenly, ethereal, poetic, incredible, awe-inspiring and soft this piece is. Like oh my God. I feel my heart melting into a puddle and tear up every time I listen to it. I just can’t bring myself to believe that he was only 19 when he composed this for a competition, if my memory doesn’t deceive me.

The beginning with the orchestra and harp is making a truly beautiful beginning, and the first moment that I want to talk about is 01.09, it always gives me goosebumps when the sopranos come in on the background that the basses and tenors had created.

At 02.00, there’s a soft oboe that comes in for a few seconds and only plays four notes, do you hear it? Those four notes can have my heart 🥺. It’s so beautiful omg. It’s crazy how the littlest touch could make such big of a difference. He could’ve easily not put it there, but he did and that’s what makes a good composer.

The “que tout l’enfer” at 02.24 is so fierce, so mad, “enfer” means “hell” and Fauré really accentuated its meaning, I love it.

And when the piece comes to the ending, at 04.14, a soft flute plays the beginning of the main theme for the first time I believe, which is a really enchanting change for the ear.

And the ending is just so, so soft like the whole piece, I truly can’t. The main melody is just so beautiful, and he truly did an impeccable job with mixing all the voices, the orchestra and the beautiful harp together. I just turn into a soft, soft bubble made out of cotton every time I listen to this.

~

Ahh this was a long ride, I truly hope you enjoyed the pieces, my beloved! I wasn’t sure which style or composers you would like the most, I guess we’ll try and see 😳❤️

Just for the sake of archiving them, I’ll also add the links of the beautiful pieces we discussed on Discord.

Fauré - Barcarolle no. 1 (Fauré brainrot is strong with me nowadays haha)

Mendelssohn - Etude no. 1 op. 104b (I feel like you’d love his A Midsummer Night’s Dream overture ngl, because Shakespeare 😳 I didn’t add it here though since it doesn’t contain piano or harp)

[la-paritalienne]

Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

♡♡♡♡

the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5 

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

[masterbeta29]

My review of Pokemon SwSh!!!! (or just Shield, cuz it was the version I play, LOL)

Finally, after finishing the game (including the Post game) and fully exploring the region, I think it’s time for me to say what I think of this 8 gen…

I know it’s obvious, but I mention it just in case: This is MY OPINION!!!, if someone disagrees with me its totally valid, I just ask for respect.

ALSO, English is not my first language so I might have certain lack/erros of spelling out there, or I repeat many words, hehe.

It is important to clarify that this review is based on SwSh base, everything that refers to DLC will NOT be included here, my opinion of the game is already done, the rest is extra content.

I wanted to give this review a more ‘’silly’’ tone, since giving negative opinions on the internet can be quite delicate and I wanted to relax the mood. Do not take this seriously, I still have my CONS with the game, but it is still genuinely enjoyable, which for me is the most important thing in a game.  I will talk about everything in general, so I will try to summarize certain points.

LET’S GO!!!

NEW FEATURES

Poke Camp, Curry Dex, Boxes and more

It’s like a dream come true for me, visiting other camps, seeing my whole party next to each other in the screen playing, discussing, running, is something really magical helps, me connect with them and know their personalities better, although I admit that I miss petting them lol and the minigames like in Gen 6. I also really liked the concept of curry as an alternative way to cure your Pokémon maybe I just wish there was a simpler way to know how to create new recipes (ALSO TMs).

Access to boxes anywhere is wonderful especially when you are breeding, just like, changing the name of trade Pokémon and the move reminder.

Rotomphone

It is not used as much as a phone, more than in the post Game (I can be wrong tho) but it serves as Dex and that’s what’s important really, the new feature is that now it includes the bicycle, that can ride both on land and water and in my opinion it is a degradation of what the concept of  “Poke Ride” was, but as I said before, it fulfill the function it should.

Trainer Cards

The concept of being able to share and customize them with other players is super entertaining, although it is a bit annoying that you always have to make a new code for each small modification. As for the cards of the main characters of the game, I will talk with a little more detail later. 

Dynamax

At the beginning it was fun and exciting, but in the end it just became a gimmick that sometimes I had to use by obligation in raids. It is not as epic as the Megas and does not have the weight of the lore and cultural/regional connection like the Z-moves.

The Giga forms, although some are great, and I am happy that they gave Pokémon like Garbodor love, I also think that there were many missed opportunities, starting with the starters of the region or in giving forms to Pokémon that in previous generations already had like Gengar and Charizard.

Raids

They are incredibly fun, it is an activity that you can spend hours and hours enjoying, especially with friends but if we talk about NPCs… OOF, I understand that the purpose of Pokemon is that we all make friends and work as a team, but DAMN, if it is stressful when you lose a raid with 3 friends and an NPC, because the Pokémon only killed the NPC, it is almost impossible to defeat a 5 star raid with only NPCs, and as I said before I understand why they do them weaker, but there are some that are completely useless, I see you Martin Solrock lol.

Poke Jobs and Rotom Rally

I  will be honest, I have not used these features enough to have a solid judgment on these lol.

CHARACTERS

Magnolia

OK, I need to get this off my chest: I am incredibly disappointed and sad with this character, especially since she is/was our first old female professor, to be simply pulled into forgettable land.

It started pretty well, but then it just disappeared until almost the end of the game to give the role of professor to Sonia … REALLY ?! I hate to say this, but she felt more like a device to give character development to Sonia, when she could have been used in scenes with Rose or repeatedly going into further detail about Dynamax for the MC (you know because she’s an expert about that topic…), before give the paper to Sonia. At least I am grateful that I had a little more screen time in the post game, although not even as a professor.

Sonia

Thank you Sonia, for allowing us to discover and know the story with you, honestly she was the one who saved mostly my interest in the story. 

But speaking of the character, I like her, I like her dedication to get out of the shadow of Leon’s achievement and to show her grandmother that she is capable, which she finally manages to fulfill, she still has certain insecurities, but that makes her more human, she’s the real professor (I’m still salty for Magnolia tho)

Leon

Everyone knows from the posts on my PT on Twitter that I constantly bullying the character, but I really like him a lot, he is an excellent guide/brother through the game, charismatic, EXTRA, but very involved in his role as champion, in the sense that he is always aware of what is going on and helping in the process, in addition to being strong (one of the most difficult battles in the game). Definitely among my fav champions with Cynthia, Steven and Kukui (I count him as champion, SU!)

Gym Leaders

I love them, their designs, personalities, the animations, they are all incredibly memorable, my favorites are Opal, Kabu and Piers. 

But even so, I wish I had more to go on besides the lore on the back of their cards and their battle animations, I would have liked to see them more integrated in the story, and I feel that it lack a little more interaction with some of them, especially Allister and Melony in my case, but at least the trainer cards were a good addition to know them a little more, outside of being a Gym Leader.

RIVALS

OK, I’m prepared for everyone to hate me, *sigh*:

I… I DONT LIKE BEDE AND MARNIE THAT MUCH?… I mean, I don’t hate them, and they are both far from being the worst rivals, but I did expect a little more from both…

Bede

I am one of the few of the fandom that does not like rivals flat jerks, because for me, that is not a character but rather  a trait.

But I wanted to give it a try, and when I was just beginning to gain interest in him, they force his backstory in my face… And as I said, I like trainer cards…but more in characters, like G.leaders because these are characters that we don’t see much around the trip, but in the case of rivals, that appear several times and develop in the story, I personally like to get to know them little by little, discover their story and understand them in the course, here I felt it more as an excuse for me, to feel bad for him, especially at the moment he gives you his card.

His relationship with Rose is not explored enough imo. 

And a complete turn-around that happens offscreen, like no joke, the MC literally didn’t see any of it, he just disappears after the Opal scene (but to give him credit, that scene is one of my favorites in the game).

But you know, I understood that he was just a lost boy, and I’m happy that he found a better place, and I admire his effort to want to change, so in the end I ended up liking him a little more.

Marnie

Marnie is interesting, because although I agree with many people that she would have benefited from having more screen time, I consider that a good character does not need all the screen time in the world, is about what but what they do with it, and the problem I have with her is that her time was not well spent.

I like her dream and I really like her relationship with her brother, however there was no moment when I really connected with her. I feel partly, that I don’t know her character, like her various personality facets. 

Untapped opportunities: fight with her more times or with her…would have helped the character a lot imo.

Hop

Hop is the best rival of the three hands down, his trainer card contains the right and necessary information to make us have an interest in the character, but also the story lets us know him more: a competitive boy, but who has insecurities, fears of failure, that is reflected not only by the dialogue but also in his Pokemon team (no really, it broke my heart when I realized that he didn’t have his Wooloo in his team), that he is frustrated and suffers, but he gets up, discovers other tastes and with these finds a new path, ugh perfect, I adore him.

Forcing the player to defeat him is torture, it is like defeating Hau in USUM and Wally in ORAS breaks my heart.

Rose

In short: ok character, decent /meh antagonist, and a horrible villain. 

Like the climax of the story, Rose is forced in the end to be the villain, when he worked best as an antagonist, his plan makes no sense, his battle is disappointing, although his battle theme is awesome, but it just does not fit the character, the plan, nor the situation at all.

But the character has a certain charisma, especially in his ‘’suit especially in his incognito suit.”

Oleana

Interesting character, with a potential backstory, with motives and characterization, who is underused in the story * sigh *… I LIKE HER THO

Overall, I would have liked to see much more of the relationship between Rose, Oleana and Bede, I think it would have benefited the 3 characters…

Team Yell

They are … ok, it is cool to have a team that is not villain, that bother the player from time to time even for good reasons, I admire his dedication and loyalty.

THE REGION

The region is aesthetically beautiful, the details, the structure, the contrast for example between Hammerlocke and Ballonlea, and despite not living in the UK or having had the opportunity to travel to the destination, according to my friends the region in which the games are based is very well related, which I think is excellent. However, despite the visual beauty, when it comes to routes and exploration it feels a bit limited, there are really some towns, where the most interesting thing to do is complete the Gym, there are almost no reasons to return to the previous town after having passed them…

But, what I missed the most was the lack of exploration, discovery, the charm of the NPCs…

Many have told me: what about the Wild Area? Because of the ability to explore in an open area, it is probably the best in the franchise! and yes, the Wild Area is a very attractive part of these games (I will talk a little bit about this, later), but as I said, everything that is considered part of the capacity of the new console, I will not take it into account, it is unfair, because a portable console can NOT stand a concept such as the Wild Area although the developers had the idea before, not at least at SwSh scale.

And as I said before and again, the T.Cards are an incredible idea, but for me NOTHING compares to getting to know the characters through the world, dialogue, interaction… I’m going to use pokemon Moon as an example to make me understand better: (because it was the last main pokemon game I played before SwSh and that’s why I have it more fresh lol) Where you can enter Olivia’s shop, buy jewelry and visit her room and discover that she is a desperate single woman, or enter Gladion’s room and talk to the receptionist and that she tells you part of his story, that kind of things…

Let’s see for example Melony, we know she has more children besides Gordie, but only for concept art, and yes, probably do unique models would take a while, but I honestly wouldn’t have be bothered  if they use generic NPCS, they did it with Lana’s sisters, then the anime can dedicated to giving them unique designs.

Speaking of NPCs (mainly of those inside the houses), many lost the charm and authenticity they had… I mean, where is the lady who told us the story of her husband’s accident or the men of the coffee shop, who every time he prepares us a drink told us the story of where such a drink came from, ect… the NPCS on that side are boring…

EXCEPT BALL GUY, he / she is awesome!

I know this look like extra or unimportant things, but these little details really give life to the region, personality to characters that are secondary, it makes everything feel more united and also makes the main characters feel more inside the world, and honestly that is why on this hand, some cities felt empty for me…

But the other hand, I really liked what they did with the NPCs fans, see how the number increasing every time the MC wins a gym battle, makes the trip to become a champion feel more rewarding, It really helps you feel like a true champion when you got it. 

Other examples like the girl NPC who is going to support  you in the Gyms while their pokemon is evolving, or how the NPCS react and change their dialogue corresponding to what is happening… beautiful, for this part the worldbulding is 10/10.

The wild Area

Probably the closest we have for now of an open space area in a Pokemon game, I have to admit that I get lost at least 1 half an hour trying to find the next destination (I understand you Leon), it was hilarious lol, at the beginning of the game it turns out to be a fairly limited area, and you really can enjoy it in its entirety when you finish the main story, but I don’t see so much trouble with that, since it’s partly the point, for balance. In general, it is a fantastic idea although I feel that it is necessary to polish it in certain parts, and NO, I don’t mean THE TREE, but I don’t want to be so hard on GF at this moment, because is the first time they experiment with such concept…

Pokemon and Music

I put these two together because they both share a very curious characteristic: EXPERIMENTAL. 

The pokedex is super solid, I love how these last generations, GF is doing its homework and is striving to make the pokemon belong to the region, as for animals, myths, culture…muah I LOVE IT, BRAVO.

For me a good OST movie or video game not only has to be for the piece n yes, but how it is composed to accompany the events that occur on the screen, how it adapts and fits a certain scene of the story or character, and although I admit that in general it is not my favorite compared to other gens, there are tracks that have become part of my favorites:

The crowd, the screams, the build up as you gradually approach the last pokemon, ugh. Dynamax is cool and everything, but THIS is the basis for me, of why these battles feel so energetic and exciting.

That mystical atmosphere that catches you, is beautiful but at the same time mysterious, and perhaps many disagree with me, but the addition of the howls of the legendaries… I love it.

STORY

I think the game started extremely well, the introduction to the characters, the exploration, the introduction to the starters, the mystery of the legendary, everything is on track to me to enjoy this adventure to the fullest, but later I felt like it began to fall.

I understand that this is Pokémon and sometimes Pokémon does not need a complex story to make it enjoyable, as long as it makes sense and is entertaining, the problem I have mainly with the story is how they constantly get you out of it. I understand the concept they wanted to do: to take a more realistic point of view, in which adults take responsibility or in this case the champion and that later when you become champion you now can do what the champion did, and I like this concept, but the phrase of “you focus on the gym, we take care of the problems ” they say and they repeat it several times in the game like, I understood the first time!!! 

Indirectly I felt like they were trying to took me out, and in consequence I lost interest in the story of the game, if it hadn’t been because Sonia bothered to explain to me the lore and a little of what was happening. 

It’s more like “tell us” and not “show us”

and that’s the risk of this concept: you play as a main character, because you want to be a main character or share the role.

The climax feels incredibly forced and confusing, I felt that there was no build out, almost no foreshadowing for what was happening at the moment, everything comes out of nowhere, and thats why, I started making Okami jokes with Eternatus, because I don’t felt that emotion of the ‘’Climax’’.

Definitely in the part where the game shine was in the gym Challenge, as I said before, the gyms, the leaders, the atmosphere within them, the scale, the music that changing every time, until reaching the final pokémon, the challenges that we have to do before, the fans, becoming the champion, all this really is the identity of the game. 

Pokémon returned to its roots, where this story is the story of us again, and becoming the champion here is everything, it is one of the most exciting and most satisfying Gym challenge in all generations with gyms.

ADDITIONAL

Here I want to give opinions according to the experiences I had with certain things within the game, which I think are quite PERSONAL, because each person plays different Pokémon, by the team of Pokémon, because he decided to level up more or stay at a lower level or how you decided to follow the story of the game.

Difficulty

Decent, by the standards of Pokemon of course, I try not to leveling to much, and if I do, there are maximum 3 levels and only one pokemon… So, gyms were easy in general, perhaps a pair that were difficult (Allister and Melony), but I never did black screen as in other games, but definitely the most difficult battle in the game is Leon, which I think is appropriate.

Online

Its horrible lol, There were not only once but several times in which I lasted like 1 hour trying to connect with a person, it is ridiculous.The signal falling every so often. But in general the biggest problem I have is connecting with very specific people, not even with the infamous Festival Plaza had so many problems.

Gameplay / Pacing

It is normal the same as always which is fine, some drop of frames out there in certain scenes but nothing serious, some cuts and lack of scenarios / designs that if you should in when they took me a little at the time, but absolutely nothing compared as the haters make it look, the game is still incredibly enjoyable, and it can be played perfectly.

The pacing started pretty well/decently, but from the fourth gym onwards, everything became very very fast, and not to mention the climax and the Pokemon League, honestly all this last arc felt super stuck….

So my opinion in general is: I enjoy the game like any other Pokémon game, it has its entity, it has new and interesting things that I would like it to expand more in future generations and it has personality. Is it my favorite game or my favorite generation? No, I definitely enjoyed other generations more, there were many missed opportunities that they could take more advantage, and I feel bad for GF for making them release this game for this year and these dates, because unfortunately some cuts are very noticeable. But the generation just starting ,so we will have to wait and see what we have for the future. For now, Thanks Pokémon SwSh, for another adventure…

[eurasiian]

Prussia x Teenage!Reader (incipient)

Summary: Your mother and father split when you were a young girl and ever since that day you’ve been hoping your family could be returned to its former glory. Every chance you got you scared of any suitor for your mother. They were no match for you! Not until him...

“Cause we hate what you do, and we hate your whole crew so please don’t stay in touch.”

Chapter one : Challenge accepted (Wednesday)

Warnings : Slightly suggestive themes (legal age), mild swearing, mentions of divorce

You were lying sideways on your bed, feet dangling off the edge whilst your head just managed to stay level on the mattress. It wouldn't be so comfortable if it was the other way around. Using your arms, you held them straight above your face, hands tightly clasped around the edges of your new IPhone. My dads honestly the best. There's no way my mum could have afforded this. You thought with a tiny smile. The thought not being spiteful, spoil nor selfish. Okay maybe a little bit spoilt...

A few years ago when you were around the age of 10, your parents had split up. It came to a shock to everyone. There were no signs to suggest anything was wrong, but as you grew older, you concluded that they probably pretended so it wouldn't upset you; If that was the case, they had failed. After all, it was heart breaking when two people you loved so much, failed to love each other back. It was on that day you realized that devastating truth. After that, they couldn't even be in the same room as each other. Yelling and screaming down each other's throat's. Honestly, to a child it was terrifying. But again, as you grew older, you realized that some things couldn't stay hidden forever.

Rewinding back to your momentary tiny smile - it wasn't because you were proud your father could make more money then your mother or anything of the sort. The truth is, you had lived with your mother after your father had moved to Turkey with his brother, your uncle. He told you after the divorce things didn't feel right; That he needed a new start. It wasn't the worst thing to ever happen to you. He always made an effort to send gifts and letters, letting you know he missed you greatly and that he would come and visit sometime soon. It filled a gaping hole in your heart just knowing he still cared enough to keep in contact. One day, when you were older, you were going to visit him.

Meanwhile, being with your mother was a blast. You had always enjoyed being with her. To name a few traits of hers. She was fun, carefree, loving, kind, enthusiastic, motivational and most importantly. Eccentric. You wouldn't mind admitting it to anyone you had the best mother in the world. Most things she said were random, and unfortunately for you she had a nasty habit or reminding you how she "brought you into this world".

Her name was Joyce Williams, and you were proudly named (Name) Williams.

Using a finger to click onto Facebook. You smiled seeing your best friend had messaged you. Clicking on his icon - which by the way was his short self standing in front of his older blond cousin, who angrily tried to shove him out the way whilst he grinned brightly - you giggled. His name was Peter, Peter Kirkland, dorky Peter. Neither of you were very cool, but you had each other and that's all that mattered.

Facebook messenger

[Peter Kirkland] created a group chat

[Peter Kirkland] added you to the group chat

[Peter Kirkland] added [Wendy Kirkland] to the group chat

[Peter Kirkland] added [Erland Oxenstierna]

[Peter Kirkland] named the group chat "The four horsemen”

Peter Kirkland : What's up guys!

[Erland Oxenstierna] changed [Peter Kirklands] name to [Pissy Peter]

[Ernald Oxenstierna] left the group

Sniggering childishly, your eyes gently rolled backwards. Your friends were a colorful bunch to say the least. Ernald Oxenstierna was a hot headed Swedish child, who adored social media, yet hated socializing. He claimed that he wasn't friends with any of you, but you knew that wasn't the case considering he'd always hang out with you all at school and whenever his birthday rolled around, he'd always ask you three to sleep round his. His older brother’s boyfriend made the best cookies... 

Peter, as you had already mentioned, was dorky as hell. He'd be the first to crack stupid jokes out of the blue, and had a huge fetish for power rangers that you would never completely understand. Peter was always the one to arrange meet ups outside of birthdays, and was incredibly friendly. 

Wendy was the most mature out of all four of you, she wasn't as much of a geek but she did join in when necessary. Besides, you found it made for a fun dynamic. Somehow, Peter and Wendy were both related. They had a huge family which was very well known throughout the town you lived in. You knew Peter’s older cousin Arthur had three older brothers that you had met once or twice, and then they had a half younger brother who you think was the older brother to Wendy? Yes, that was it. Right?

Pissy Peter : We'll that wasn't very nice...

Wendy Kirkland : What do you want Peter?

Pissy Peter : *Smiley face with hearts for eyes* Sleep over at mine on Friday?

You : Peter stop flirting with your step-cousin. And yes, sleep over sounds good. *Laughing face*

Pissy Peter : Nooo wrong Emoji!!! *Crying face*

Pissy Peter added Ernald Oxenstierna to the group chat "the four horsemen”

Ernald Oxenstierna : What. Do. You. Want?

Pissy Peter : Sleep over at mine on Friday?

Ernald Oxenstierna : If the others are then sure. But I'm not spending time alone with you. You’re annoying and I fear if I sleep round at yours then your older cousin will food poison me again.

Pissy Peter : Well (Name's) coming so I'll take that as a yes?

Ernald Oxenstierna : Fine.

Wendy Kirkland : I'll come to. It sounds like fun. *Paint brush emoji* For art class I have to do some portraits of some people, so I'll try to do some drawings of you guys if you don't mind?

Pissy Peter : Sure!

[Ernald Oxenstierna] changed [Wendy Kirklands] nickname to [Sketchers]

[Ernald Oxenstierna]

changed your nickname to [Tango ice blast]

[Tango ice blast] changed Ernald Oxenstiernas name to [Baby bell]

Baby Bell : Fair enough

Letting out a snigger you sat up on your bed and smiled. You really did love your friends, and with the weekend rolling around it only rose up your excitement. Deciding it might be a good idea to tell your mother about your sleep over at Peters on Friday, you rolled over until you were on the edge of your bed and jumped upwards. Landing 'gracefully' on your feet. Today was a Wednesday, and your school was having a teacher training day so you got the day off.

Your mother was a beautiful women who was independent and brave. After your father left she got a job as a nurse. Granted, the money she made was little hence she couldn't buy you the kind of stuff your father could. However it was enough to support both yourself and her financially and she was a very career driven women. You admired it. At the moment, you had on some green pajama shorts and a red hoodie that had Santa clause adorned with a bright smile on the front. It wasn't Christmas presently, but it was the comfiest hoodie you owned. On your feet your socks were a bright yellow. You looked like a clown if that clown was told he would need to look as ridiculous as he usually did but instead dressed in pajamas and stupid ass socks. At least my feet aren’t big, you chuckled as you made it to the last step. You then paused and glanced down. Well...

"(Name). Is that you?" Hearing your mothers voice you were drawn out of your trance. "Can you come here quickly? There's um, something - hehe. Someone I want you to meet~" Her voice sounded...extra girly. As if there was someone she wanted to sound somewhat sexy for? It made you cringe. Maybe it was her boss? And she was trying to suck up to him for a raise or something? That sounded plausible (if only). After all it was hard to be a single mother raising a child alone with the support of a migrating ex-husband.

"Uh yeh. Sure." Constantly your mother would scold you for saying "yeh" almost all the time. It was a bad habit, but it was better then the children at your school who would constantly say "man" or "dude".

Your stairs were attached to a hallway that went on straight. At the end of it was the living room, but halfway was a small arch way which led into your kitchen. Since your mother sounded pretty far away you deciphered she was in the living room. Considering the floor was made of wood, you ran part way before sliding inside said room. Doing a small stumble over the carpeted flooring you managed to save your footing last minuet and did a cool spin. You grinned at your awesomeness and peered curiously over to your mother. 

The longer you started at her, you noticed someone else sitting beside her. Legs open obnoxiously as his arms draped around her shoulders. A smirk twitched over onto his lips, one that seemed to be a mix of cockiness, ignorance and excitement? You however contrasted his emotions, as you were mixed with feelings of anger, fury and denial. No way was this man, sitting so casually with YOUR mother. They couldn't possibly be anything more then friends. Just friends.

"(Name). This is my uh...friend Gilbert." Ah thank god. See (Name). You just work yourself up over nothing. You told yourself, relived before the man spoke up. His eyes were a beady red, a sign of pure evil. And his skin complexion was just as pale as his white hair.

"Friends? I can say that we're a little more then that Joyce~" he teased.

"Gilbert that's my daughter please behave yourself." Your mother begged back in a tone that could almost be considered playful. After cooing over the stranger for another few seconds, she stood to her feet. "I'm going to go make us some juice. You two chat and get to know each other okay?" You and this so called Gilbert watched as your mother left. Your eyes on her back, his slightly lower. For a few seconds, you both stared at the door way before he turned his attention to you.

"So uh Frau, what year are you -"

"I won't allow her to date you." Taken back by your sudden snappy nature, he shut his mouth for a slight second before opening it again. His face reading pure mischief as he stood to his feet.

"Oh really?~" he laughed. It was no doubt the worst laugh you had ever heard. Who sounds like a mutated bird when they laugh anyways? "Because. I'm pretty sure we're close to what you kids would call dating. What's the word uh slinking?" He seemed genuinely confused, and with a monotone face you replied.

"Linking?"

"That's it!..." Silence. "Ha. I'm cool." Groaning for maybe a few seconds more then you should of, your neck flew backwards and you cried out.

"MooooOOOOMMMM!" Whilst slowly walking away from him and into the kitchen where you knew she'd be. Of course, hearing your whines made her sigh. Whenever she brought home someone she liked, you would either scare them away or convince her they weren't good enough to be with her. Soon she realized that she wanted someone to love her, and you too. Your father wasn't around anymore. You both needed a man around the house as much as you denied it. By the time you arrived at the arch way, she was turned to face it with her back leaning against the counter. Three cups behind her.

"No."

"WhhhhhHHYYYYY?" At your constant whining, she lightly sighed yet again and sent a tiring smile in your direction. She knew that you hoped Gilbert would see how much of a pain you were and then leave you and her alone. Unfortunately for you she knew two things. One, she had already warned him about you prior to this meeting. Two, Gilbert was almost as childlike as you.

"If you give him a chance. He's actually very nice (Name)." She told you, walking forward and using her finger to boop your noes. "Now. You wouldn't want to seem rude would you?" She hummed. Sending you a look which read "Bitch I raised you choose your words carefully" it made you smirk ever so slightly since she would never say anything like that to you. But the expression was rather priceless.

"I don't care if it's him in all honestly -"

"I pushed you out from my vagina -" she began loudly. Causing your eyes to widen and hands to clamp over your ears in an attempt to quieten her.

"Ew stop!" However, she became even louder at this point.

"And I tolerated you whilst you cried every single day and night! Suck it up!" From the other room, you could practically hear this spawn of Satan laughing so hard it sounded as though he was rolling around on the floor. Maybe if you were in his position you would do the same. But you weren't, you were in your position. Grinding your pearly whites you muttered out a "fine" and that "if you need me I'll be up in my fortress" sassily, you clicked your fingers in front of yourself and walked out back into the hallway. From the corner of your eye, you could see Gilbert leaning against the wall and sending you a shit eating grin whilst whispering.

"You're on kid."

His words had caused your shoulders to tense greatly. Your orbs narrowing into slits like a tigers would once it's eyes had locked onto its pray. He had the upper hand here, you both knew it. Though, you'd be sure to change that. You turned back to your mother, who left out your cup and some supplies to make juice if you wanted some but didn't bother actually making it in case you were in to foul of mood to have any of the drink. Instead, she kissed your forehead as she passed you. Walking over to Gilbert who pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Sie sind schön Joyce." The albino whispered to her, one arm wrapping around her waist as he other took his drink from her. Swooned by his words, your mothers cheeks flushed and she accidentally tipped her drink all over his black shirt and better yet, white jeans. Serves him right for wearing white jeans. A chuckle left your lips as you thought that, watching as he blushed deeply from embarrassment.

"What the hell! meine schöne Hose! Francis wird mich töten!" At this point and when first hearing his accent. You were certain he was Germany or from some kind of German decent. At his outburst, your mother couldn't help herself and burst into laughter. Grabbing a cloth and helping to whip down his pants. She must have forgotten you were there. A soft frown came across your face and you silently made your way upstairs.

It was obvious he was no good for her.

Marching to your room, you opened the door. When you started senior school you decided that you would add some personality to your door and your mother was happy to supply some crafts materials. Now, your door was a literal disco ball. You and your mother had covered it over with glue before dumping contents of glitter on the wooden surface and then hanging up a sign saying.

"Fluff, angst and a whole lot of fanfiction."

She always understood you and your sense of humor. Even if children at school didn't. You wouldn't say you were bullied, but you did get a particularly hard time with the other children. Grouchily, you stormed over to your bed to lay down after shutting the door and propping your desk chair in front of it. Grabbing your laptop you quickly turned it on, typing in your password and clicking on Facebook. Glancing to the side, you noticed your new phone and bit your lip feeling guilty you had left your knew possession in the room. It must have cost your father a fortune and you felt as though you were obliged to carry it everywhere. It was incredibly stupid, but for some reason you just ached to see your father so bad that carrying the phone felt like it was all you had of him. Shaking your head, you lent your hand on your cheek which seemed to give your neck all the support it needed to stay up. Clicking back on the group chat, you realized that for the time you had been gone the others had been idly chatting. You didn't feel left out. Okay maybe a bit. But it's just because Gilbert had already put you into a bad mood. However, your nickname Tango ice blast instantly made you chuckle. Whenever you and your friends went to the cinemas, you always brought that drink, it seemed to be an obsession of yours. Fortunately, your mood brightened even more when Wendy mentioned she wanted you to come back online soon, not enjoying being the only girl whilst the two boys bickered back and fourth.

Tango ice blast : Hey guys.

Sketchers : Thank goodness your back. These two were leaving so many notifications I thought my ears would explode.

Baby bell : If I could snort I would. You realize that you and Pissy Peter are doing the same to me?

[Pissy peter] changed their nickname to [Perfect Peter]

Perfect Peter : Ha!

[Baby bell] changed [Perfect Peters] nickname to [Idiot]

Idiot : Oh...that hardly seems fair.

You soon found keeping track of these nicknames were hard but it made Ernald happy so you didn't want to complain. Barley anything made him happy. In your head you reminded yourself who everybody was. Okay so now Peters “idiot" I'm "Tango Ice blast" Wendy is "Sketchers" and Ernalds "Baby Bell"...Is it bad I just realized why we're not popular? Sighing, you decided to just sit and read the conversation. Since you were on the chat they could all see you were reading the messages and Peters spidey senses were tingling.

Idiot : Is something wrong (Name)?

Baby Bell : Ha

Idiot : Why are you laughing?

Baby Bell : I read it as "Idiot! Is something wrong (Name)?" Anyways, go on (Name).

Sketchers : *Reassuring smiley face*

Sighing, you decided it was best not to tell them over message. It's not that you didn't trust them not to show other people or anything like that, but there was only so much you could vent your hatred for Gilbert over messenger.

Tango Ice blast : I'll tell you guys tomorrow. It's pretty late and schools tomorrow so yeh. Peace out! *Angel face*

Authors note: Okay so i wrote this a long while ago but I thought why not just publish it and see what happens! I might write a part two, probably, but we’ll see where it goes <3