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across stardust - one (j.yh)
summary: you and yunho have worked together for years, idol and makeup artist, but until today you've never touched him skin to skin. when the world tilts on its head from just a brush of his cheek, you realize he's so much more than a crush, he's your soulmate. one | two | three | four
note: please enjoy this truly self indulgent romance. will be four parts total, and i'll post each as soon as they are ready to go. happy comeback week, and i hope everyone enjoys this 💖
tags/warnings: idol!yunho, makeup artist!reader, fem!reader, soulmates au, soulmate identifying marks, soulmate tattoos, tattoed!reader, a lot of fluff and tenderness, love at first touch, shared feelings/emotions/physical sensations, anxiety/stress over what to do, reader's family isn't the best, kq is not the best company for the purposes of this fic!, light smut including - heavy makeouts/grinding, hand kink, size kink, phone sex, sexting, fingering, jacking off, dirty talk, praise, use of good girl, use of pet names like baby/jagiya/sweetheart. basically this fic is an excuse for me to write star-crossed desperate love so i would say it's the literal opposite of a slow burn lmao
pairings: yunho x reader
genre: fantasy, romance, smut || soulmates au
word count: 17.9k
It’s eleven in the morning when your day starts, hiding in the green room of a concert venue in Berlin, and the day feels lost already. With Eunji and Dahan ill that only leaves you and Iseul to handle makeup for all eight members and with how exhausted you are from yet another night of little sleep, you don’t know how you’ll be able to keep up. You’re trying to stay awake, but while the members are all out on stage learning their marks and rehearsing the improvisational moments for this tour stop, the green room is quiet and you keep nodding off.
“Bad night?” Iseul’s voice startles you out of one of your dips into sleep and your body jerks up right.
“Fuck,” You breathe, “hey,”
“Here,” She pushes a bright can into your hands, an energy drink, “you need this.”
“I need to be sedated,” You grumble, taking it from her, “the time difference is never this hard,”
“Mm,” She shrugs, “it’s unpredictable,”
“Yeah,” You sigh, “I guess.”
The thumping music outside as they run through another track is starting to give you a migraine. You take a long sip of the drink and then leave the can on the table in front of you, choosing instead to hide your face in the sleeves of your sweatshirt and let out another long sigh.
“Girl,” Iseul nudges you, “you look like shit. Your station looks like shit.”
“Thank you?”
“In thirty minutes we’re going to be busier than we’ve been since that Inkigayo stage for Answer,” She points out and you grimace at the reference. Back then it really was just a skeleton staff and one of the makeup artists quit on the spot, too stressed to continue the work and walking out in the middle of doing Yeosang’s foundation.
What a mess those old days used to be. Nostalgia sometimes makes you forget how late those nights were and just how impossibly tired you had been. This feels too reminiscent of that for sure.
Iseul taps your shoulder to get you to lift your face as she continues, “I know you’re tired, but I can’t do this shit on my own. I need you.”
“Okay,” You breathe, scrubbing your hands over your face to jolt yourself awake as best you can, “you’re right, I’m sorry,”
“Don’t be sorry,” She gives you a sympathetic smile, “I get it.”
This tiredness feels different though, so deeply ingrained in your body. Something’s been keeping your adrenaline running like a long, drawn out anxiety attack and you can’t understand it. You’ve been on tour before, you’ve been on planes, you’ve had long days, and you’ve worked with this exact group for years. There’s nothing on paper that should be making you so anxious, but the threads of it are humming in the deep back of your brain even now.
“Come on,” Iseul prompts again, pulling you to your feet, “let’s get you in gear.”
“Right,” You take another long sip of your energy drink and pray it starts kicking in soon and that the effects won’t make you feel crazier, “let’s do this.”
She helps you put your station together with ease and then pull yourself together. Within those precious thirty minutes of calm before the storm you’ve downed two cans of pure caffeine, assembled your station and strapped on your brush belt, and tried to make yourself some form of presentable by slicking your hair back into a smooth knot and adding a coat of lip balm.
As always, the boys have used the ladder game to determine hair and makeup order which means those at the bottom of the list have more time to relax fresh-faced on the couches before getting poked and prodded and wrapped up like presents for thousands of screaming fans. With only you and Iseul available it’s about to be a race against the clock to get them ready.
Their managers hustle them from the stage to the back rooms where the rest of the staff waits, and the members gather around you and Iseul and your makeshift makeup stations.
“Alright,” Iseul says as the members quiet down, “we’re down some staff as you know,”
They nod attentively and you trade a close lipped smile with Hongjoong.
“We’re just going to do the best we can as quickly as we can,” She explains, looking down at their names on a slip of paper, “Wooyoung, Yeosang, Jongho, San,” she recites, “you’re with me in that order.”
You run through the names on your slip, “Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Yunho, that leaves you with me.”
Iseul nods as you finish your words, “Please be ready to slot in when the person in front of you is finished, and then you can go directly to wardrobe for your soundcheck outfits,”
“We’ve got it,” Hongjoong nods, “and if there’s anything you both need,”
“We’ll be fine,” Iseul assures him, “but it’s definitely going to be cutting it close,”
“We should get started,” You cut in, “if you’re ready?”
Hongjoong jumps to your chair immediately and Wooyoung steps to Iseul’s, and before you know it you’re off.
The room is alight with activity while you both work, only you don’t have a relaxed pace and only two members to perfect. You’re used to working with Wooyoung and Seonghwa, they’ve been your assigned members for as long as you’ve worked with Ateez, but when staff shortages or timing gets tight, it can be a bit of a free for all.
You stay focused and execute each member’s makeup like a well rehearsed dance, and you do your best to ignore the buzzing anxiety in your veins. For a little while, you handle it like a professional.
When Yunho finally settles into your chair, about a single second after Mingi leaves it, the exhaustion careens back into you sideways. It takes you a minute to prep your tools this time, and you’re pretty sure that without the artificial pick me up of the energy drinks you’d be passing out on the spot.
You steady your hands against the vanity in front of you and take a deep breath, and when you look up you catch Yunho’s eyes in the mirror, a tiny crease of concern between his brows.
“You okay?” He checks.
You give him a smile, albeit a tired one, “The jet lag is really hitting this time,” you explain, “but I’m fine,”
He looks sympathetic immediately, “Same for me, I feel like I’m barely sleeping,”
“That’s not good,” You tell him as you prep your stainless steel palette, “you have a long night ahead,”
“I’ll sleep tonight,” He says, “I’m sure,”
“After dancing for three hours I’d hope so,” You smile and pick up your first set of tools before turning towards him.
“Do you have anything you could take?” He asks, studying your face, “A sleep aid?”
“I usually don’t like to,” You admit, “I always feel groggy the next day,”
“And we have another show,” He finishes for you, his lips coming together in a thin line as he thinks.
There’s nothing really for him to do, but it’s kind of him anyway to be so concerned. They always are, this rare group of eight idols who remember staff birthdays, bring coffee on the early morning schedules, and always, always take extra time to clean up after themselves so it’s not left to anyone else.
You take a step closer towards him and glance over his bare face and then it occurs to you, “You know what’s funny?”
“Hmm?” He tilts his face up to you.
“I don’t think I’ve ever done your makeup before,” You smile, it’s a ridiculous thought.
“No way,” He blinks, thinking back, “it’s been… forever, are you sure?”
You nod, “You’re usually with Eunji,” you tell him, “and even when we’ve swapped around, I don’t think so. I think you’re the only member I’ve never done,”
“Wow,” He laughs, eyes bright, “well, I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
“Is there anything,” You start to ask him if there’s anything he prefers, anything special about his makeup that he gets done with Eunji that he asks for, but Iseul catches you idle as she pats foundation onto San’s forehead and answers for you.
“His skin gets dry,” She jumps in, “don’t use too much powder,”
Yunho grins, a laugh on his lips at the directness of her words.
“And don’t use that oil,” Iseul adds, “that primer oil you like, he’ll break out by tomorrow,”
“Thank you, Iseul,” Yunho says, and you watch San’s face as he stifles a chuckle.
“Noted,” You smile, and you swap out two of the products in your hands before taking up your position by his side again.
You’ve gotten used to working with idols, to working with Ateez and with Yunho specifically, and yet when you get this close a little flutter of nerves rocks through your belly. He’s handsome, and if you’re being honest he’s just your type. Maybe it’s the exhaustion, or this weird feeling in your chest that you’ve been dealing with all week, but for the first time in a long time you think about what it would be like to kiss his lips.
“How do you want me?” He asks, breaking your thoughts, and you have to shake off the impending blush at the way his words make you feel. You have work to do, and you had gotten over your silly little crush on him years ago, you need to get a grip.
You recover fairly smoothly though with a quick smile, “Right,” he’s never worked with you before, and he’s looking to you for direction, “head back a bit, please, and eyes closed,”
“Alright,” He follows your instructions to the letter.
“Okay,” You tell him, “primer first. Let me know if anything bothers you,”
“Mhm,” He hums and stays relaxed.
He has the loveliest eyelashes, that’s the thought that echoes through your brain as you start working on him, and you wish it never occurred to you at all because you keep glancing up at his closed eyes. He lets you work, he knows you’re exhausted so he doesn’t push you for conversation, and you’re strangely grateful. You know he’s chatty sometimes in the chair, an extrovert through and through and always keeping Eunji company or talking with the member beside him, but right now he keeps still and gives you respite on a hard day.
You’re patting foundation into his skin with a large paddle brush when Iseul interrupts your thoughts, “Do you have that eggplant liner?”
“Check my table,” You offer, but with how sluggish your brain is feeling there’s no way you remember a single thing on your station without looking.
“Mm,” She pivots around and pokes through the products and tools behind you, and you glance over as San opens his eyes to watch Iseul rifle through things.
“Damn,” She mutters, “how much time do we have?”
“Um,” You glance down at your watch, “twenty?”
“Perfect,” She scoots behind you and disappears into the hall, no doubt to find your traveling makeup case and the liner.
You sigh, chewing the inside of your lip at the idea that you only have twenty more minutes, but you really don’t want to rush and have his makeup melt off on-stage.
“You’re fine,” San assures, his body angled towards you and Yunho now while he waits, “don’t worry about the clock,”
Yunho hums his agreement from below you, “Plenty of time,”
You refocus on Yunho’s skin and notice a long black and white hair from the paddle brush affixed to his cheek, mixed in with the foundation. You take the brush again, wiping off any excess foundation and checking to see if more fibers are loose, and then you work the brush against his cheek in an attempt to free the loose hair but it isn’t coming off easily. Every attempt you make just slides the hair into a different spot on his cheek and covers it with more foundation.
“Um,” You usually don’t like to do this, but you might have to, “can I just…”
His eyes open but his expression stays smooth, “Can you?”
“Sorry,” You shake your head, “do you mind if I touch you?”
“You already are,” He smiles, a small, amused crease between his brows you’ll have to pat out momentarily.
You tuck your brush away and gesture with your hand, “You just have a hair,”
“Oh,” He laughs, “of course, yeah,”
You’re just supposed to touch his cheek, brush away the hair with the pad of your finger and then get back to work, that’s all it is, so you’re completely unprepared for the feeling that rockets through your chest when your skin finally touches his.
Yunho gasps softly as your fingers brush over his cheek, his eyes blowing wide and his expression blanking, and it’s the only indication you have that he feels something too. A tightness wrenches in your chest, like someone pressed something hot and hard directly into your breastbone and your stomach does a somersault. Your ears are ringing, and you’re pretty sure your heart is about to beat out of your chest now that it’s started up again.
The tattoo on your chest feels warm beneath your blouse.
“You,” Yunho manages, his voice shaky and you know for sure he felt it too.
You rock back a step, “I don’t understand,”
“Shit,” Someone else says, and then you realize that it’s San and you’re not alone with the only other person in the entire world, you’re in the middle of work in front of at least one other person and it’s only your existence that just got tilted on its axis. Yours and maybe Yunho’s.
“Oh,” You glance to the side, taking in San’s wide eyed expression, “oh my God,”
“I’m not insane, am I?” Yunho smiles, his focus entirely on you, and you think you might just pass out, “You felt that?”
There’s a noise in the hall and San scrambles up to his feet, “Iseul,” he says heading for the door, “do you need help looking?”
He’s covering for you both, but thoughts are slow to form and all you can manage is blinking at the man in your chair.
“You did, right?” He asks again, eyes soft and hopeful, and then his fingers brush over the center of his chest. Squarely over his breastbone.
He’s yours.
You want to reach out and yank up his shirt, check the tattoo over his heart to see if it’s the same looping knot shape as yours, but you don’t need to see it to know for sure. It’s him.
San says something about forgetting the liner altogether, a little louder so you both know the room is going to get crowded again, and you shake your head to jolt yourself out of your paralyzed position.
“You didn’t?” His hand falls.
“I did,” You rush to correct, “I’m, I don’t know,”
He nods, wetting his lips and shifting in his chair. He moves to reach for you, but reason and sense click back into place immediately and you realize that no matter what your tattoo feels like and no matter what this means, you’re at work and about to have a very private moment in a very public place if you’re not careful.
You shake your head with a glance at his hand and jerk your head towards the door, “Later,”
“Right,” He leans back from you, “of course, right,”
Footsteps to your right draw your attention and Iseul is huffing, checking her own watch, “We’ll do brown,”
“That’ll be fine,” San assures her, but his eyes are glued on the pair of you.
Iseul moves to step around you again and realizes you’re just standing there, “What’s with you?”
“Sorry,” You manage, blinking hard and refocusing, “I just got dizzy,”
It’s not entirely a lie, given that you felt the entire earth shift under your feet thirty seconds ago and your life is completely changed. Dizzy is the least of how you’re feeling.
Yunho’s expression shifts immediately, concern across his face, and he curls his fingers into his palms to keep himself from reaching out again, from being too familiar.
“Oh,” Her eyebrows raise high, “do you need me to finish Yunho?”
“N-no,” You take a breath, “just give me one second,”
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Yunho asks, and in the back of your brain you wonder if his voice has always sounded this good.
“Here,” San cuts in smoothly, cracking the seal on a fresh water bottle and passing it over to you, “do you need to sit a minute?”
San’s hand rests on your upper back between your shoulders as you take a long sip of water, the cold shocking your brain back to reality in exactly the way you need.
“Thank you,” You tell him honestly, “I think I’m okay, just a headrush,”
San nods, and when you refocus your eyes on Yunho, you almost laugh. His gaze is squarely on San’s hand where it sits on your back, and you watch the fast, silent exchange between the two men when San drops his hand and Yunho realizes his own reaction. He blushes, ears running red and he dips his head to avoid both your eyes.
“Iseul,” San steps around you both and distracts your friend, “ready to wrap?”
“Yeah,” She agrees, “let’s finish up. You’re sure you’re okay, y/n?”
“Mhm,” You hardly trust your own voice, but you nod anyway, “I’m good now.”
Yunho tilts his face back up as you step close, and the tension between you is so palpable and so familiar that you can hardly breathe. Your tattoo feels warm and heavy and something tells you that his does too, you can see it in the tenderness of his brown eyes.
“Dizzy?” He asks quietly, keeping his words just for you.
You shake your head, “No,”
“That’s good,” He murmurs, but he lets whatever words he wants to say rest on his tongue.
Your tattoo throbs and you don’t dare touch his bare skin again.
His makeup takes fifteen more minutes and his eyes don’t stray from your face the entire time. You barely finish on time, and wardrobe is standing by to get them into their first outfits of the night, so when you put the final touches on he’s already being pulled out of the chair before you have a chance to say anything.
You want to corner him and ask him exactly when he’ll have time to talk later, but despite working together for the last few years, you and Yunho aren’t that close. You’re friendly, but you’re not familiar enough to casually ask what he’s doing later and not have it seem strange. While friendships between staff members and idols are not discouraged, even between the opposite sex, being overly familiar or suggestive would certainly leave a question in everyone’s minds, and you don’t want to draw attention to yourself that quickly.
This is between you and Yunho, no one else. You don’t want an audience for this.
So he goes, pulled away by wardrobe and his other members, fitted quickly into his Soundcheck outfit. He has his game face on, so do all the members, and you watch him disappear down the hall without a second glance back at you.
You collapse into the couch and press your eyes closed, focusing on the singular feeling of heat and soreness from your chest.
A soulmate.
The tattoo on your chest was one you barely looked at anymore, too focused on living your life to sit in the mirror and wonder about the person who would be your other half, the person that would slot into the gaps in your spirit with a simple brush of skin on skin. But now, it aches. It pulses to remind you that it’s real and that you’ve found him.
Everything in your life is about to change. Has already changed.
On the couch you don’t sleep as much as you disassociate, still stunned, your buzzing brain filtering out everything Iseul says as she cleans up around you and preps both of your brush belts for touch ups. There’s such a small amount of time between Soundcheck and the concert that you barely get to process, you just exist, playing the moment you touched him over again and again in your mind. Despite how utterly changed you feel, the world is just continuing on around you like a regular day.
Once again, you and Yunho miss each other for every brief moment between Soundcheck and stage.
The shift happens in the wings, in the underbelly of the stage where you and the other staff members for hair, makeup, and wardrobe wait for any last minute quick fixes. The eight of them are almost ready, pumping themselves up between rows of technical equipment and stage scaffolding.
There’s so much commotion around you and yet your eyes are drawn to him like a magnet, the feelings you once had for him coming back to you full force in a blurry torrent.
He shifts, stretches, swallows hard, and then looks up directly into your eyes. There’s a question in them that you can’t read, but you manage to smile.
His shoulders relax just a little.
You raise your fist, giving him the gesture for ‘fighting’ and he returns it with a wide grin.
“Alright,” Hongjoong’s voice cuts through, the final step of their pre-show ritual as the concert hall starts to roar, “huddle up.”
The eight of them circle up with each other, one leg in and one out.
“We’ve practiced hard,” Hongjoong starts, patting his members on the back, “let that practice pay off, and have fun out there,”
“Okay!” San hypes them up, getting the tension high.
“Let’s give it our all,” Hongjoong continues, a wide smile on his face, “fighting!”
They echo it back, and a tense feeling starts to roll in your gut.
“Alright, one,” Hongjoong starts the count and you feel the tension in your own body rising, enough to make you take a soft step back from the group, “two,”
On three they chorus it, moving their feet in a synchronized step, “Eight makes one team! Fighting!”
They break apart, clapping each other on the back, and your eyes meet Yunho’s for one more fast second before he’s jogging after the rest of the members and finding his mark on the stage risers.
You feel the sensation of his eyes on you even after he’s gone. You have the length of four songs and their opening ments before members start swapping out on stage for makeup touch-ups and technical adjustments. The sound of the audience is intense, the start of the first song keying up, and you stumble back from your post to get a breath of air away from it all.
There’s a bathroom along the hallway two doors down from the green room that’s meant for staff and you blissfully find it empty. With shaking hands you flip the lock and sink down into a crouch, your back braced against the wall as you breathe through the sudden wave of feelings filling your chest.
Adrenaline, that’s what the bitter taste on your tongue is.
Your heart is thumping, double time like you’re running a marathon, and then you realize it. You can feel him, even now with the bond between you unfulfilled you can feel his emotions coming to you like a wave. Adrenaline, anxiety, euphoria, exhaustion, it all roils through you and you brace your hands on the wall to get your composure back.
They say the first time you feel your soulmate link it takes you by surprise, but this is an intensity you couldn’t have imagined. It’s all encompassing and honestly terrifying, and you’re struggling to understand which parts of you are you and which are him. You can’t conceive of how an accepted bond would make this feeling stronger when it already feels like your emotions and his are knit together so tightly.
Anxiety strikes down the link and you realize it’s not stage fright, it’s for you. He can feel your panic and your fear just like you can feel every ounce of his performance and if you don’t get yourself in check you’re going to be distracting him even more than you already are.
You yank yourself up off the floor and collapse against the sink, turning on the cold water tap and taking slow and steadying breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Counting slowly, relaxing your body with every pulse of oxygen through your system. You hope he can feel it, but you have no idea how this all really works. You’ll have to call your sister when this is all said and done, find out what she felt when she met her wife, but right now in this bathroom in Berlin you have to do this by yourself.
You hear the pulse of another song thrumming through the stadium as they keep performing, and you feel the thundering beat of his heart in your chest, but you breathe into it this time and try to keep yourself calm for his sake. You splash cold water on your face, keep breathing low and slow, and eventually you pull yourself back up to standing tall to look at yourself in the mirror.
You look the same as you did a few hours ago, before him, but the warmth in your chest is still present and you wonder if that will ever go away or if that’s just a permanent part of the link.
With shaky hands you unbutton your blouse and pull your bralette down in the center to reveal what you already know is there. Your breath catches in your throat at the sight.
The tattoo nestled at the base of your sternum is the only one you were born with. Every other line of ink on your body was put there with intention, but this one you’ve had for as long as you can remember. The maedeup knot is small, but intricate, and until this moment it had always been colorless. Loops of black and gray twining together to make a rounded diamond, unbroken with no beginning or end to the threads.
Now the ink has changed, a deep red against your skin that makes the knotted josephin soulmark look even more traditional, but the skin is slightly inflamed, tender to the touch as you brush your fingertips along it. It feels like a fresh mark, not something you’ve had since birth, but considering how it’s changed, maybe it is new. A soulmark shifting color is common, you know that, but it still stands out so starkly against your skin and your other black tattoos. You can’t look away from it.
A pounding on the bathroom door makes you jump and you fix your shirt, covering the mark back up and buttoning it away. You wonder if Yunho’s mark is the exact same like other couples you know and if it too turned red, if it’s warm to the touch, if he felt you brush against your mark through the link.
“y/n?” A voice comes through the door and you shut off the tap.
“Coming!” You wipe the excess water on your hands onto your jeans and take one last, fast look to make sure your mark isn’t visible, before opening the bathroom door.
Wonshik, one of their many managers, is waiting for you on the other side. His eyes narrow when he sees you, “Are you ill?”
“No,” You assure him.
“You’re sure?” He presses, “We can’t afford to lose any more staff or risk getting the members sick if you are,”
“I know, Wonshik,” You nod, “I promise I’m just tired, jet-lagged. I was putting cold water on my face, that’s all. I’m not sick,”
He exhales in relief, his expression softening, “Thank God,” he says, “I can only take so many surprises.”
A little sickness is nothing compared to a staff member and an idol under a dating ban being soulmarked, but you hold your tongue.
“They’re about to come off,” He says, “Iseul was looking for you, she seems like she might start climbing the walls if you don’t get back to help her,”
“No, of course,” You start back towards the side stage entrance, “I lost track of time, but it won’t happen again,”
“Make sure you sleep tonight,” He adds, following you closely, “no sleep means no immune system, and no immune system means sick.”
“Don’t worry,” You promise, winding your way through the dark backstage, “you won’t lose me,”
“I better not,” He sighs, and then Iseul comes into sight.
“There you are!” She hisses low under her breath, “I was about to have a panic attack,”
“I’m sorry, I’m here, I’m good,” In the commotion, your brain starts to ease into normalcy. You’re used to this pace, the speed of lightning fast makeup touch-ups and assisting wardrobe when things start to go awry with their quick changes. The audience feels none of this, they just see smooth change-outs on stage and cool idols in new clothes, but backstage is a wild flurry and it always puts you on an entirely different plane of focus.
“Here we go,” A stage director starts, gathering everyone’s attention, “four minutes… starting…”
The stage goes dark and in the venue a video starts to play to the crowd to fill the space between costume changes. You prep your hands, making sure your kit is ready to go and you see the wardrobe specialists out of the corner of your eye readying themselves to help facilitate the quick change.
Suddenly they’re here, and the stage director interrupts once more, “Now, four minutes people, let’s go.”
“Mingi,” He gets to you first and he crouches down to drop his face to your height, “stay still one second,”
He says nothing, but he nods as you pat powder across his forehead and the bridge of his nose, checking him over for any other defects. He looks good and you nod, “Go, go,”
Mingi peels off to the left of you and you hear the sound of fabric swishing as he and Wooyoung rip off the top layer of their outfits behind the privacy screens and trade garments with the wardrobe team. It’s a fast shuffle, but you stay focused on who’s in front of you.
“Seonghwa,” You wave to him, pulling blotting tissues out of the pack on your belt, “here,”
He knows this drill well, you’re used to working with him and you have a clean routine down. He blots the sweat off his brow himself and starts to unbutton his jacket while you shift focus to Yunho.
For a split second you almost forget what happened earlier in the buzz of backstage, but the minute your eyes hold on his awareness floods you.
“Hey,” You say, but there’s a time clock shout behind you and you beckon him down, “come here, let me fix things,”
He drops down to your height just like Mingi did and stays steady while you work, but his eyes flick up, “You’re okay?”
“I’m good,” You nod, “don’t worry,”
His expression clears a little and you guess you have your answer about the feeling of the link going both ways.
Hongjoong clears his throat behind you both, “We’re short on time,”
“Am I good?” Yunho checks.
Your eyes flick over him fast, “Yep,”
He’s out of your eyeline a split second later, and you’re grateful for the distraction of both Hongjoong and Seonghwa, otherwise you’re sure you’d dwell a little bit too long on the fact that Yunho’s half naked next to you, privacy screen or no.
“One minute,” The stage director announces, “everyone’s doing great,”
The boys are almost done, flying through the last of their zips and getting their hair smoothed down by that team as they finish. You put the last pat of powder on Seonghwa’s nose and give him a nod before he’s gone too, dropping his jacket as he goes and giving you all a quick flash of his bare back.
You turn back towards the group as they prepare and your eyes zero in on Yunho again. His expression is serious, it’s his game face before he gets back out on stage, and you watch as he corrects the placement of his in-ears and ensures that his mic pack is secured. He runs through his pre-stage ritual and you can’t help but be a captive audience.
“Good work,” The stage director says as Seonghwa rejoins the eight, fully dressed and ready for stage, “fifteen seconds for act two,”
The crowd heats up again as the video starts to fade, and the members do their final checks. Yunho doesn’t look back at you once, his eyes forward and focused as he and the other members find their places on the rising platform that will take them back out to the main stage.
You can see him a little though, in the low light in his white trousers and blue satin shirt. He lifts his hand, adjusting his microphone once again, and then as he drops it back to his side he lets his fingers skim over the familiar hollow of his chest.
Your mark warms, you feel it as if it were your chest he brushed his fingers over, and your breath stops.
The platform rises, the crowd roars, and your heart starts beating to a new rhythm.
He really is yours.
It turns out that later means much later.
You manage to get out of dinner with some of the other staff members, but that just leaves you anxious and alone in a hotel room trying and failing to eat room service. Iseul would be back soon to take up her place in the other bed, and you’re starting to realize that you don’t have Yunho’s number.
Now that emotions are a little smoother, you can’t feel him. Or maybe you can, but it’s so faint that you’re not sure. All you know is that he’s definitely in the hotel, but that’s partially the solid feeling of your link with him and partially the YouTube live being broadcast from Seonghwa’s room where all of the members are.
You put the live on and watch, feeling strangely disconnected from the men on screen. You’ve known them for years, but suddenly with this new truth everything feels foreign and confusing.
You should call your sister, but it’s only six in the morning in Korea and even though this is an emergency of life altering and epic proportions, you can’t bring yourself to wake her on a Saturday.
You try your best to eat the pasta you ordered and watch as the live eventually ends. Your phone dings and for a split second you think it will be him, but it’s just Iseul telling you she’s heading back to the hotel.
A soft knock at the door makes your stomach lurch.
You’re frozen.
There’s another knock, a little firmer this time but then you feel the warm touch against your mark and you’re on your feet, your hand on the door handle before you can think.
He looks tired, that’s your first thought. His face is bare again, and his eyes are rimmed in a little bit of red like he just removed the day’s stage makeup. Despite all that, he smiles when he sees you and sighs, leaning against the door frame, “You’re awake,” he says.
“I waited,” You manage.
He grimaces, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” his eyes flick behind you into the room and he swallows, “are you alone?”
“Yes,” You nod, “but not for long, Iseul’s on her way,”
He nods, “Come to my room?”
“Are you sure?” Your eyes widen.
“We need to talk,” He nods, “can you get away for a little while?”
Iseul will probably expect you to be asleep, but you can’t let this go until morning. If you’re ever going to sleep you need to talk to him now.
“I’ll think of something,” You tell him, “what room?”
“2606,” He answers, reaching into his pockets and producing an envelope from the front desk, “take this,”
He passes you one of his room keys and you nod, “I’ll be up in five minutes, but you should go,”
“Okay,” He breathes and neither one of you makes a single move to step away from the door until a sound down the hallway pushes you into it.
“2606,” You repeat and he nods, swiftly moving down the hall before anyone can see him standing at your door.
You have no idea what you’re going to tell Iseul that would make sense, but you don’t care. You stack up your room service for collection, kick on a pair of slippers, and give yourself the fastest look in the mirror ever on your way out the door. You want to be gone before she gets back, the idea of facing her and lying ten times more difficult than an empty text.
No problem - I can’t sleep, I’m just going to walk a bit. Don’t wait up.
You don’t stick around to see if she’ll believe it.
You try to seem casual when walking to Yunho’s room, like it's yours. You don’t want anyone to give you a second glance and wonder where you’re going, so you keep your head up, smile at anyone you pass, and when his door comes into view you scan the card like it’s any other day.
When the heavy door shuts behind you, you sigh.
“God, finally,” His voice startles you, and you look up to see him pacing, “I’ve been going insane all day,”
Your shoulders drop, you aren’t alone, “Me too,”
He runs a hand through his black hair and finally stops pacing, but doesn’t come any closer, “So, this is real?”
“It feels pretty real,”
“How did we never feel it?” He manages, “I’ve known you for years,”
“We’ve never touched until today,” You tell him, and that has to be the reason, it’s the only thing that makes sense. You’ve been turning it over in your mind all night, and with the exception of bumping into him last week in the hall, it’s all been polite bows and waves.
“How is that even possible,” He breathes, “team dinners? Holiday parties? Work?”
“Skin to skin,” You murmur, “I think that’s what it was,”
“I had no idea,” He swallows, gesturing in the negative space between your bodies, “I always liked you, but I thought it was just, you know, a crush,”
“You what?” Your eyebrows raise.
“Well,” He backtracks, “not like that, it’s not like I’ve been holding a candle.”
Your face stays neutral, but he grimaces at his own words.
“I’m fucking this up,” He takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I’m really nervous.”
Your stomach warms, “Yunho, it’s okay, honestly,”
“I just meant I’ve always liked you, I thought about asking you out when our contracts loosened up if you were still single.” He clarifies and then you watch his face blanch, “You are single, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” You nod, “we don’t have to worry about that,”
He nods and you see him searching for the next thing to say, the right thing.
“Your mark,” You cut in, taking a few steps further into the room, “did it change?”
“Completely,” He nods, “did yours?”
“Yeah,” You wonder the right way to ask him if you can see.
“Does it feel,” He starts.
“Warm?”
“Yes,” He nods, “and tender?”
“Like a fresh tattoo,” You take another step in.
“I’ve never gotten a tattoo,” He confesses, “but I’ll take your word for it,”
“Can I,” The words are stuck on your tongue, “maybe this is weird, but I mean, I guess we’re soulmates,”
“You want to see it?” He surmises.
“Only if you’re comfortable,”
His lips quirk, “I’m comfortable,”
Heat twists in your gut and you wonder if he can feel that too. If he does he doesn’t say it, but you watch as he pulls the black t-shirt off over his head.
You’ve never seen his chest. Any inch of his skin except for his neck and arms really, and you guess that was part of keeping his soulmark covered. Idols always do, even when they’re in the most inconvenient locations, there’s always makeup or flesh colored tape or editing to take care of it. The idea that someone could replicate it and try to fake a connection is far too real for someone famous.
He drops his shirt onto the bed and pink tinges his cheeks as he gestures towards it, “Well,”
Your mouth drops, it’s the exact same, down to the size and the placement and every little loop and you stumble forwards to get a better look, “Yunho,”
“Yeah?”
“Has yours always been red?” You reach out, your fingertips hovering just over it.
He shakes his head, “Not before today,”
“Mine’s the same,” You tell him, your eyes glued to his sternum, “just the same,”
You know every centimeter of this tattoo. You’ve studied it a thousand times in the mirror, tracing over every curve with your eyes, trying to find the place where the cord starts and ends. He sucks in a sharp breath as your fingers brush gently along his mark, and you feel the ghost of the sensation against your own.
“I can’t believe we never knew,” You murmur, sliding your finger along each rounded edge.
“You feel that?” He asks, “Right?”
You’re nodding and moving to tug off your sweater before you can even think it through. He starts to shake his head, to say that you don’t have to, but you’re already tossing the sweater next to his discarded shirt and tugging down the front band of your bralette so he can see the whole mark.
His eyes flick over you fast, but with the matching mark in front of him he doesn’t focus on anything else, “It’s exactly the same,”
“I know,” You reach for his hand, but the minute more of your skin connects with his you feel your chest throb and you drop it like it burns you.
He winces, touching his chest again, “Is it supposed to hurt?”
“In the beginning,” You nod, “I think?”
“Does it always feel like that?”
“I’m not sure,” You admit, “I was going to call my sister and ask, but it’s too early at home,”
He smiles, “Your sister found her soulmate?”
“In highschool,” You smile back, “they’ve been bonded together since they were eighteen,”
“Older or younger?” He asks, and you realize just how little you know about each other despite how long you’ve worked alongside him.
“Younger,” You say.
“I have a little brother,” He replies, “but he’s still in school,”
You nod, painfully aware that this is such a strange conversation to have with your shirts off just standing in the middle of a hotel room, but somehow it’s easier than any date you’ve ever had.
Your eyes flick from his eyes to his mark and he reaches out a hand again, “Can I?”
Your heart quickens and you nod.
His fingertips graze over the edge of your mark, mimicking your touch from before, sliding along the edges of the tattoo. His eyes widen and you know he’s feeling the sensation in his own mark, a mirror image of each other.
“This doesn’t hurt,” He observes, letting his fingers linger.
“I think we have to get used to each other,” You remember that fact from somewhere, “the link has been dormant for a long time, I think it takes a minute to get used to having it,”
“Makes sense,” He murmurs, his eyes still squarely on your mark, “I’ll be honest though, I still really want to touch you,”
“Yeah?” Your voice is thready.
His fingers fall away and he nods, “Don’t you?”
“Yes,” You agree, painfully quickly.
He swallows tightly and takes the smallest step forwards, before offering out his hand, palm up and waiting for you.
Your eyes flick from his face down to his outstretched hand, and you reach for him slowly. You let your fingertips skate over the skin of his palm, down each digit, ghost the pads of your fingertips together. It’s warm, sharp and dizzying even just to brush against each other.
You wonder what more will feel like.
“Can I try something?” He murmurs, his voice nearly a whisper even though you’re all alone.
You nod.
He wets his lips unconsciously and moves a little closer, your bodies now only inches apart. Anxiety, anticipation, thrill, it all runs through your gut like a whirling wind and you shiver at the torrent of his emotions, a grin breaking out over your face.
His smile mirrors yours, “Your heart’s beating a mile a minute,”
“You can feel that?”
“Yeah,” He breathes, grin widening, “this is crazy,”
You laugh, a little nervous, a little elated, and he finally reaches out his hands.
He takes a steadying breath, and then his fingertips brush along your jaw.
You suck in a sharp gasp at the sensation, electric and hot, the feeling rocketing through your entire body. You tilt your face up to his as he continues his gentle touches, your eyes watching him as he studies you. His plush lips are parted, brown eyes wide with awe as he grows a little bolder to brush over your cheeks, down your throat, and back up to your jawline.
“Feel alright?” He murmurs.
You nod into his touch and he starts to lift off but you reach for him, “Don’t stop,”
Your hands land safely on his hips, still covered by his sweatpants and you watch him swallow again at the sudden contact, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Warmth fills the bond, no doubt the first threads of his arousal, and you wonder if he can feel your own. If he can sense how much he’s affecting you with just his fingertips on your face.
His hands settle back on your skin, this time smoothing across you with his palms, one hand cupping your cheek and the other sliding over your shoulder and down your bare back.
You can barely breathe, the room so silent and around you, like the only thing in the universe that exists is the two of you orbiting each other, standing at the precipice of something so catastrophic and wonderful.
Your hands adjust, resting on his taut abdomen as you move a little closer together, and his eyes flutter shut as he breathes through the sensation of your hands on him properly for the first time.
“You’re so warm,” You murmur, your hands softly tracing his abdominal muscles, instinct guiding you to touch more of him, seek out every inch of him as you unconsciously make a map of his body in your mind.
He hums pleasantly, eyes reopening, “So are you,”
He feels so right, so essential under your touch.
Yunho wets his lips softly with his tongue, and a nervous thrill passes through your belly. His eyes flick over you, the pad of his thumb sweeping a line over your lips. You suppress a needy sound, still trying to keep your head amidst the thrumming emotions and steady thumps of your heart.
He doesn’t stop, just stroking your skin slowly, fingers on your back pressing just a little as he sighs.
“Yunho,” You shiver.
“Cold?” He gravitates a little closer.
“N-no,” Your body is all but pressed flush against him now, and you have to lean your face up even more just to see him as he stands tall over you.
“I…” He starts to say something but lets the words die off, like he’s thinking something through, but then he sighs, “forget it,”
His lips are on yours.
Yunho lifts you, wrapping his arms around your back and tugging you up into his embrace. You gasp against his mouth, finding his shoulders to hold onto as one of his arms bands around your lower back.
The kiss is shattering, the world tilting once again, a new frequency humming between your two bodies. It’s hot, your skin buzzing from the contact, but the way you move together is fluid and easy. Your legs part naturally, settling around his hips and his free hand finds your plush thigh as he tugs you into place, slotting your bodies together like they were always meant to be.
“I’m sorry,” He mumbles against your lips when he draws in a quick breath, but he doesn’t stop kissing you. His nose nuzzles against yours, and his lips part at the same moment yours do, tongues meeting in the space between your mouths to flick against each other.
“Don’t,” You push closer to him, fingers knotting into the back of his hair as you kiss him back.
He hums, the hand on your thigh sliding up to cup your ass and you shiver as his wide hand stretches across your backside, squeezing your pillowy flesh.
A tiny whimper does leave you then, liquid heat spreading through your body, the combined sensation of both your arousals giving you a headrush.
“So beautiful,” He sighs between kisses, “you’re so beautiful,”
“Yunho,” Your voice is thready, his name a stretched out sound.
He holds you close, nearly stumbling as he moves. You blink your eyes open just as he spins you both, pushing you up against the hotel wall and pinning you in place with the weight of his body. You should slow things down, but nothing in your life has ever felt this good and you find yourself diving back to meet his kiss again.
His arm slides out from behind your back as he pushes closer, your body fully supported by the flat of the wall behind you and his hips under yours and one hand firmly anchored on your ass. With his arm free he cups your cheek, a pleased sound on his lips as he dips you back into the wall and deepens the kiss.
Heat blooms through you, your kisses getting needier, artless and desperate just to get a little closer together. The kind of kissing that sounds as messy as it is, tiny pants and moans muffled between you, skin on skin, tongue on tongue.
“God,” He shudders, his lips breaking away, but his eyes only flick over you for a second before he dives back in. This time his lips travel, hot kisses across your jaw and back to the hollow of your ear, down your throat as he holds you a little higher on the wall for the right access.
You grip his shoulders with one hand and lock your fingers in his mess of black hair with the other, your head falling back against the wall. He pants against your throat, a soft groan as he kisses, and your stomach tightens pleasantly.
“Y-Yunho,” You gasp, arousal rolling through you, and unconsciously you rock your hips, desperately seeking some kind of friction.
He hums low in his throat, kissing back up your neck fast to get to your lips again and his hand slides off your cheek as he crowds you tighter, bracing himself against the wall above your head. His abdomen presses against your core, and even through layers of fabric you feel his heat. Hungrily, you roll your hips again and catch a little pressure, moaning in earnest against his mouth.
Yunho makes a tight sound and then he breaks the kiss, his forehead pressing hard against yours as he takes in slow breaths, his body all but trembling with need as he holds you.
“We need to slow down,” He manages.
You can’t find words, not yet, but you nod against him.
“You deserve better,” He says, “dates, presents,”
You laugh softly, your hand in his hair softening from a grip to a gentle hold, carding through the long locks at the base of his neck, “I don’t need all that,”
He smiles wide, brushing off your words, “Still,” He sighs, still recovering from the heated make out, “I think I have more self control than fulfilling our bond by fucking you into the wall,”
Reality bleeds back in at that. Soulmarks were just that, indicator marks. A way to find your person amidst a sea of thousands, if not millions. All the shared sensation and emotion a precursor to something more permanent and binding, something only sealed together by sex.
You lift your head up, and he leans back to mirror you.
“I lost my head there,” You admit, warm blush in your cheeks, “I didn’t know it would feel like this,”
He smiles, and you take in his expression. His hair is a mess, mussed and disheveled and his face is pink from his nose down to the dark, well-kissed curve of his lips. His bare chest is flushed bright pink and his eyes are bright and warm. You fight the urge to kiss him again.
“Me either,” He shakes his head, “it’s incredible,”
“Overwhelming,” You nod, exhaling softly.
He makes a soft sound to agree and then starts to push back from the wall gingerly, letting you slowly unwrap your legs from his waist and ease down to the floor.
He lets you go when you’re steady on your feet and clears his throat, adjusting the waistband of his sweatpants and running a hand through his tangled locks. He’s hard, that much is obvious from the distinct outline of his cock through the gray fabric, but you do your best to look away and not think about how thick and heavy it looked just from kissing you.
“Jesus,” He adjusts his sweats again, “sorry,”
“It’s fine,” You cup your own cheeks with cool fingers, “I promise you’re not the only one,”
His eyes hold yours for a lengthy beat and then he swallows, taking a wide step back and nodding, “Right,” he shakes his head, “we’re supposed to be slowing down.”
“Slow,” You lean against the wall behind you, crossing your arms over your chest and trying to steady your thumping heart.
“I’m going over here,” He grins and walks to the far wall by the door to the bathroom, leaning back and crossing his own arms, “we really should talk,”
A pulse of anxiety flickers through you, and you realize just how quickly you went from his hotel room door to nearly falling into bed. He’s handsome, a kind man, your once upon a time crush, and certainly fated to be a good match for you, but that doesn’t mean you should throw out good sense and rush things. No matter how much your impulses were screaming at you to do just that.
You try to ignore the fact that there’s a bed between you, and you nod, “You’re right,” you finally say, “we barely know each other,”
Yunho’s smile fades just a bit, “I wouldn’t say that,”
“We’re coworkers,” The words tumble out, “I know what we’re both feeling, but,”
His brow furrows as he thinks through your words and he shakes his head, “y/n,” he cuts you off, “do you believe in soulmates?”
“Yes, of course,” Even if you hadn’t before, the way you’re feeling now would be enough to dispel any skeptic.
He takes in a quick breath, the sound sharp as he draws it through his teeth and he cocks his head slightly to the side, “You’re scared,” he massages the top of his sternum with his fingers, and you recognize your own chest is tight with anxiety, “I can feel it, talk to me.”
The instant vulnerability of the bond is startling, and you can feel your own expression crumble. It’s suddenly a bit like being an ant caught under a magnifying glass, too much sharp attention all at once and you swallow tightly, eyes flicking away from his tender gaze.
“y/n,” He murmurs, “I’m not pushing for more, not tonight,”
“Yeah,” Your voice is soft, too quiet for your own liking. Something about the way he sees you so clearly and so quickly makes you feel exposed, nervous and strangely childlike.
“Hey,” He breaks through your little thought spiral, “look at me,”
You straighten up again, finding his eyes.
“I’m just happy I found you,” He tells you, and you feel the truth of it in your gut, “we can figure everything else out together, and at our own pace, okay?”
Relief spreads through you, the knot in your chest loosening, “Promise?”
“Promise,” He nods, raising one hand with his pinky extended, “I just want us to try,”
You nod, extending your own pinky to seal it, “Me too.”
He smiles at that, “Barely know each other,” he scolds softly, “I’m offended.”
“Oh yeah?” Tension bleeds out of your shoulders.
“Mhm,” His expression is full of cheek, “I’m the one with a crush, remember? I notice things,”
Your stomach flips pleasantly and your arms relax from their tight position crossed over your chest, “What things?”
“Let’s see,” He starts, and for a brief moment you think maybe he’s bluffing, but the moment he starts you melt and he holds your gaze as he warmly recites all the little things he’s noticed about you over the years.
“You only wear silver jewelry,” he notes first, nodding towards you.
Your tight hands uncurl.
“You have a ridiculous sweet tooth,” The more he talks the more he relaxes against the far wall, “and you start getting flushed after the second shot of soju, you really are a lightweight,”
“You always pick a Big Bang song for karaoke, and you’re late to work every Monday,” He laughs a little at that and keeps going, “you don’t wear a lot of color but when you do it’s red. We’re both from Gwangju but you moved to Seoul when you were five,”
Your heart starts to beat a little faster, warmth filling you again and you don’t know if it’s your affection or his anymore, but it hardly matters.
“Um,” He takes a deep breath and glances away for a moment and then catches more threads from his memory, “you’re a Sagittarius, you’re a runner, and the last book I saw you reading was Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982. I bought it, but I haven’t had a chance to read it just yet,”
“Yunho,” You find yourself smiling, a hand over your surprised lips.
“I’m just saying,” He shrugs a little, “we aren’t strangers. I know this is scary and fast and going to change the rest of our lives,”
Elation, pure joy, spills over unfettered from his side of your new emotional tether.
“But I like you,” He confesses, “I have for a while, and this,” he brushes his fingers along his soulmark, “just changes the timeline.”
He’s yours.
You push off the wall, crossing the room and all but leap back into his embrace, your arms looping around his shoulders again as you push up on tiptoe to kiss his lips.
“This is real,” You murmur.
“Yes,” He cups your cheeks, nodding as he pecks your lips again.
“You’re mine,”
“Yes,” He grins.
“Oh, this is crazy,” You laugh, forehead against his again.
“We’ll go slow,” He assures you again, “we’ll figure it out together,”
“Together,” You nod.
He dips low once more, this kiss more tender, and he separates you both before things can heat up again. “Hmm,” He glances across the bed and makes a small face at the time displayed on the digital clock, “did you eat?”
“I tried to,” You confess, “I was nervous,”
“You need to eat,” He snaps up his black shirt from the bed and slips it back on, and your chest warms. It’s strangely domestic, strangely commonplace like you’ve been in this position a thousand times before.
Yunho adjusts his shirt and then kisses your hair as he passes by you, padding over to the hotel microwave and searching through the assorted snacks and instant meals, “It’s too late for room service,”
“I’m okay,” You pull your own sweater back on and sit on the edge of his bed.
“y/n,” He glances back, a softly scolding tone.
“Really, you need to sleep,” You offer.
He dismisses that thought, “But I’m hungry, eat with me?”
You concede, and while he starts whipping up two servings of ramen, you wonder if this is what he’s going to be like. It makes sense, he’s always been a caretaking kind of person, but having it so tenderly directed at you feels right.
“When we get home,” He says as he pours in the spice packets, “I’ll take you somewhere nice,”
“This is nice,” You smile.
“y/n,” He sets the ramen on a side table and sits next to you, “this is cup noodle from a hotel microwave,”
“The company is nice,” You take the ramen happily though, and tuck into the warm meal.
“It is,”
“Mm, you know,” You slurp back some noodles and softly clear your throat, “you weren’t the only one with a crush,”
He freezes, letting his noodles drop back into his cup, “What?”
“I’ve always liked you,” Your own confession feels easier after his, “I put it aside since we work together, but I guess, I mean, what I’m trying to say is that we both felt it before the mark, you’re not alone in that.”
“I had no idea,”
“I’m very professional,” You tease him lightly.
He nudges you and tucks back into his noodles, “How long?”
“Hmm,” You get more comfortable, crossing your legs and scooting back a little onto the mattress, “I thought you were cute when we first met,”
“God,” He groans, “we were such kids,”
You nod, swallowing another bite, “Mhm, you had that blonde hair,”
He laughs.
“I remember thinking, ‘that one’s trouble’,” You confess.
“Me?” His eyebrows perk up, “I’m perfectly nice,”
“Trouble as in you’re my type,” You roll your eyes, “but I don’t think the crush properly came until later. You’ve always made me laugh, and when I realized how I was feeling I just did my best to keep some distance,”
He nods, face getting a little serious, “I know what you mean,”
That knowledge leaves you both a little quiet. The late hour, the adrenaline come down, all of it barrels into you at the same moment as the next anxious thought. How in the world were you both going to navigate this with a contract as tight as theirs and the public eye always watching?
“Yunho,” You murmur, the last of your noodles left to go cold as you sit with that thought, “Are we going to be able to figure this out?”
“Figure what out?” He looks genuinely confused by your question, “Us?”
“You’re an idol,” You nod towards him, “I’m staff,”
He rests a hand on your knee, “We’ll be fine,”
“Aren’t your contracts,” You trail off, letting him fill in the blanks.
“They’re strict, yes,” He nods, “year seven,”
Dating, romance, even the perception of it was more than discouraged by companies in this industry, their artists contractually obligated to be single and available and dedicated only to their fans. Five years would have been the industry standard to prevent any idol from being caught out with a partner, let alone a potential soulmarked one, but seven is excessive.
You blanch, “That’s almost two years away,”
“We will find a way,” He says, “we’re not the first people in the industry this has happened to,”
“Really?” You perk up, “Who?”
He falls short, “Well, I don’t know exactly, but it’s bound to have happened.”
“And then ruined their careers,” You groan, flopping back flat on the mattress and covering your face with a hand, “which is why we’ve never heard of them,”
Yunho laughs, earnestly laughs, and takes the half empty ramen cup out of your hand to discard, “Maybe, but for now, let’s just stay positive. Get to know eachother better,”
You nod.
“Nothing can change the fact that we found each other,” He points out, dropping down onto his side on the bed next to you, “and I’m okay with that.”
“So we just lie to everyone?” You chew at the inside of your lip, staring up at the white ceiling.
“Hey,” Yunho’s fingers tuck under your chin and draw your eyes to him, “I know you’re anxious,”
You sigh, letting his softness calm you again.
“I know,” He repeats, “I am too, but we don’t have to decide anything tonight. We’re both tired and it’s been an emotional day,”
“Okay,” You nod, “okay, yes, you’re right,”
His thumb strokes over your cheek again, and you watch him exhale and sink further into your touch, “Will you stay tonight?”
That wakes you up.
Your eyebrows raise, “Stay?”
“Just to sleep,” He assures you, “I just… I don’t want to be without you yet,”
“I need to get back before Iseul wakes up if we do that,” You note with a grimace.
“What time?” He glances back to the clock.
“Seven,” You say, “her alarm is set for seven-thirty,”
“We can do that,” He grabs his phone off the side table and sets an alarm, “we’ll get up,”
The pull between your bodies is so strong you’re fairly sure you would have stayed no matter the consequences, but you nod, “Then I’ll stay,”
He grins and pushes himself off the bed, “I’ve got clothes, if you want to get comfortable,”
“Sure,” you sit up and wait for him to find things in his still packed suitcase.
“Um,” He pulls a pair of black sweatpants from the bag, “these should work, and if you get cold,”
You smile as he grabs a gray hoodie and comes back to you.
As you start to pull off your sweater again, he turns around and leaves his back to you, “Sorry,”
“Thanks,” You chuckle, making short work of changing. You’re swimming in his clothes, but his sweatshirt smells like him and you just want to bury your face into it, “you can turn around now,”
His shoulders relax as he turns back, and you watch his lips part as he takes you in.
“What?”
“You look cute,” He clears his throat, shrugging off his reaction.
You smile and ease back onto the bed, “Oh, I get it,” you laugh, “is your guy brain on fire because I’m wearing your clothes? Is this some kind of… you won the competition, ownership thing?”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes, kneeling on the bed to shuffle closer, “No competition when you’re literally fated for me,”
“Right,” You let the word drag out on your tongue to tease him.
“But I like taking care of you already, and now you’re warm and comfortable,” He collapses next to you onto the mattress with a sigh, “and I know I don’t own you, but you are mine, just like I’m yours now. I won’t apologize for liking you in my clothes or in my bed, for liking when you look like my girlfriend,”
Warmth blooms in your cheeks and you duck your face into the sheets.
“Now come get under the covers,” He maneuvers the duvet, “it’s late, you were dead on your feet today,”
His voice is so warm and familiar, and you slide into the covers beside him.
In bed you keep a little distance, and despite the number of times both of you say that you should go to sleep, your conversation is almost impossible to stop. Yunho holds your hand in the middle space of the mattress between your bodies, and in the dim lighting of the hotel room you whisper thought after thought back and forth. A million things coming to mind you need to tell each other so suddenly now that you’ve found each other.
As you talk his fingers travel, restlessly stroking your skin, up and down your arm and tapping out patterns. When his palm slides back and forth over the sharp lines of the tattoos on your upper arm, and you feel the question slipping out of your lips and revealing more about yourself than you intended before you can catch it.
“Your parents,” You blurt out, “will they be happy?” He’s spoken about them so much over the past hour that you can’t help but ask him that question point blank.
“So happy,” He responds with ease, a laugh on his lips, “they always worried me being an idol meant I’d never be able to find the one and settle down, they’re going to love this story,”
You smile at the easy way he calls you ‘the one’, but the question you really asked still remains unanswered and you exhale softly, “But,” you manage, “will they be happy with me?”
Yunho stills, reaching across the bed to hook his finger under your chin and draw your eyes up to his again, “Very happy,” he says, “just like I am.”
Your muscles relax, his words a soothing balm, and you adjust your position on the pillow beneath you, “Just checking,”
“Mhm,” He studies your face, “jagi, why wouldn’t they be happy with you?”
The endearment slips off his lips with ease, and a burst of warmth spreads through you. You’ve never needed pet names and softness like this from a partner, but from him it makes your heart quicken.
The momentary elation fades though, and his question comes back into your mind. You take a deep breath, you owe it to him to tell him now, “My family won’t be happy,”
“With me?” His eyebrows raise.
“It’s me,” You shake your head, “my parents have difficult ideals, and I’ve never pleased them. It wouldn’t matter who you were, they… they’ll find a way to not be happy for me.”
His eyes soften, and his thumb strokes along your jaw, “I’m sorry,”
“It is what it is,”
“Are your parents soulmates?” He asks softly.
You shake your head, “No, they don’t really believe in soulmarks,”
You watch his eyes widen in surprise.
“Unless,” You can’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes, “the match is ‘fortuitous’,”
“For status?” He surmises.
“Status, money,” You shrug, “connection. But I think I could marry the next president and they’d still find a way to be disappointed in me,”
His jaw flexes tense for just a moment, before his expression smooths over again.
“Anyway,” You clear the bad thoughts away as quickly as they came, “my sister and I never went along like they wanted, like my cousins and the rest of my family, so we are the great disappointments. It’s not… it’s fine, but, I guess you should know before we, you know,”
He smiles, a bit of amusement in his expression that you can’t place, “Did you think having bad parents would scare me off?”
“It could,”
“No,” He slides a hand under your side and tugs you across the mattress to press a fast kiss to your lips, “it never could.”
“But I’m,” You start, all the reasons why a partner might care ringing in your ears.
“Beautiful?” He cuts you off, “Just my type? If it’s anything else I don’t want to hear you say it,”
Your stomach flip flops hard and you push lightly against his chest to get him to stop.
“The thing is,” He brushes your hair back from your cheek, “my parents are soulmates. I grew up in a house full of a lot of love, even when they were being strict and scolding us.”
Your smile at his warm expression.
“So I know they’ll love you,” He explains, “they know what this feels like, what it means. I have plenty of family for us both,”
Your throat constricts, tears threatening for a moment.
“Your sister, though,” He grounds you out of the bad thoughts without even thinking, “you two are close?”
“Very,”
“I’d like to meet her,” He smiles.
“You two would get along great, my sister and her wife both, actually,”
Yunho nods, listening attentively, “Do they have kids?”
“Not yet,” You groan, “but I’m dying to be an auntie,”
His thumb drags a comforting line across your cheekbone, his expression warm and affectionate, “Cute,”
You sink into the pillows, a yawn creeping up to your lips, “She’s going to lose her mind when I call her,”
“Yeah?”
“Mm,” You huff a laugh, “she thought that when I started working here I should have found an inconspicuous way to bump into all of you to test possible bonds. She’s going to be riding the ‘I told you so’ train.”
“She’s funny,” He smirks.
“Very,” You sigh, unconsciously cuddling into his warmth.
“Has it been a while since you’ve seen her?” He asks softly, adjusting his arms around you so that you’re cradled against his chest with the pillows at your back.
“Mhm,” You yawn again, the warmth of his body settling the last of the adrenaline inside you, “a while,”
“Let’s find a day off after the tour,” He tucks the duvet around you.
“Yeah?” Your eyes feel heavy.
“Yeah,” He kisses your forehead.
“Yunho,” You yawn again, dipping your forehead into his chest, “God, I’m so tired again,”
“Mhm,” He yawns too, “me too, jagi,”
You hum softly, fingers slipping under the edge of his shirt just to feel a little skin, “I like that,” you murmur, “I like you,”
“I like you too,” He chuckles, “now go to sleep,”
A piece of you wants to protest, wants more time cocooned in this day with him, but something about his body feels so right. After a week of sleeping poorly, your body tight and anxious and heart fluttering for no reason at all, when he touches you, your mind goes blissfully blank.
Your muscles relax, your breath dropping low and soft in your chest.
Nuzzled against his tattoo, you drift.
You’re supposed to wake up to an alarm. Early enough that you could slip back into your hotel room and your own bed to yawn and stretch next to Iseul and make her believe you were there the whole night. That’s what was supposed to happen.
Instead, you wake to the heavy sound of a hotel door and Seonghwa’s voice, Yunho jolting awake beside you.
“Oh my god,” Seonghwa says for what sounds like the third time to your fuzzy sleep-addled brain, “oh my god?”
“Hyung,” Yunho pushes himself up, his arms unwinding from around you, “hey, don’t freak out,”
“Don’t freak out,” Seonghwa’s eyes blow wide, “are you fucking kidding me? Hongjoong is going to kill you,”
“You don’t understand,” Sleep is still heavy on him and he shakes his head to try to pull himself away.
“I understand plenty,” Seonghwa counters, “how long have you been lying to us?”
His reaction surprises you, and you ease yourself up to sit next to Yunho. You’re not sure what to say or not say, you don’t know what they’ve discussed in the past when it comes to dating and relationships, but by Seonghwa’s outburst you can guess it’s honesty at a minimum.
Yunho’s face falls, “No, it’s not that,”
“I can tell you what it looks like,” Seonghwa lowers his voice to what amounts to a stage whisper.
“Hyung,” Yunho rubs his eyes, running a hand through his mop of black hair.
“It looks like you’ve been sneaking around,” He continues, “how long have you two been fucking?”
“Hey,” Yunho’s voice sharpens, and his hand crosses your body to anchor on your opposite thigh.
Seonghwa’s eyes track it and he shakes his head, “This is so stupid,” he steps back in surprise, “you’re both being so, incredibly stupid.”
Yunho gives you a squeeze and opens his mouth to reply but Seonghwa keeps going.
“Naive is what it is,”
Irritation bubbles in your gut and you can’t stop yourself, “Seonghwa, will you shut up for one second?”
He stops in his tracks, mouth falling open, “What?”
“Can you please,” You hold his gaze, “please, just listen to Yunho for a minute before you jump to conclusions.”
He shifts, taking a step back and crossing his arms, and then he looks to Yunho.
Yunho finds your eyes quickly, silently asking, and you give him a nod.
“Okay,” Yunho runs a hand through his hair again, “I’ll just say it.”
Seonghwa waits, his expression completely neutral except for the irritated corner of his lips.
“y/n is my soulmate,” Yunho squeezes your thigh again and you slip your hand into his to twine your fingers together, “we didn’t know, but now we do.”
Seonghwa’s brows go high, shock filling his features.
“We’re not hiding,” You add, “we just… it’s just,”
“How long?” Seonghwa manages.
“Soundcheck yesterday,” Yunho says, “we haven’t known long enough to lie, hyung.”
“You’re sure?” He looks between you both, and you know what he’s thinking. How could it be possible to know each other for years and not know.
“We’re sure,” You answer confidently, calmly, “I swear,”
“It’s real,” Yunho’s thumb strokes across knuckles, “it’s very real.”
Seonghwa swallows, taking in the news and sinks back against the hotel dresser, “Well, fuck,”
“Yeah,” Yunho laughs.
“You were off timing yesterday,” Seonghwa points out, “and distracted,”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Yunho grimaces.
“No, but,” He shrugs, “I know you and you’re never off time.”
“It wasn’t easy to focus on the show yesterday,” Yunho admits.
“I’m sorry,” You nudge him with your shoulder, knowing a huge portion of that must have been the panic flooding his side of the link.
He shakes his head, “There’s nothing to be sorry for,”
When you look back up, Seonghwa is smiling and he sighs, “Oh, you’ve both got it bad.”
“Obviously,” You hide your face in your sweatshirt sleeve.
“So, what’s the plan?” Seonghwa asks, “Because you can’t act like this around anyone else,”
Your mouth feels dry.
“We don’t know,” Yunho answers, “we have to figure that out, for now I think we just try to keep things normal.”
Seonghwa nods and then leans forward, “Listen, I know you’re not asking for my advice,”
You both wait.
“But you're my brother,” Seonghwa says unequivocally, “so I’m going to give you some anyway.”
Yunho nods.
“You wear your heart on your sleeve,” Seonghwa points out, “and I’m sure it will be hard to act like acquaintances in front of everyone, but you have to do it, at least until you make a plan.”
“Yeah,” Yunho’s cheeks are a little pink and he squeezes your hand.
“No one fires the idol for things like this,” He reminds you both, “so for her sake, put it away for today.”
“He’s right,” You nod, “today we go back to coworkers,”
Yunho draws your clasped hands up and kisses your fingers, “Okay,”
“You’re lucky I offered to check on you,” Seonghwa sighs heavily, “if any of the managers came in,”
“Check on me?” Yunho perks up at that, “Hwa, why,”
Things come into focus for you at that moment, how bright the hotel room is with sunlight, how well rested you really feel. You twist in the bed and look at the digital clock, “Oh no,”
“You were late,” Seonghwa explains, “we figured you overslept, I offered to use the spare key to get you up.”
“Fuck,” Yunho curses.
You both slept straight through Yunho’s alarm.
“Iseul is going to fucking kill me,” You roll out of bed, your hands breaking apart as you scramble for you phone, “what the hell am I going to tell her?”
Your phone reads nine-thirty. In thirty minutes you’re supposed to be packed into a van and on the way to the venue and when you look at the collection of notifications your stomach churns.
Three calls from Iseul, and a lengthy string of text messages.
Did you already get up and get ready?
Your work bag is still here…
Not funny, girl, where are you?
Did you make it back last night?
Can you answer me??
I’m getting worried. I haven’t heard anything - You haven’t even read these?
You better not be dead in a ditch, I’ll kill you myself.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Your hands are trembling as you tap out the fastest reply - Alive, be right there.
Yunho’s a whirlwind behind you, stripping out of his sleep clothes and yanking on whatever outfit is at the top of his suitcase, “It’s fine, it’s going to be fine,”
“Sure,” You search the floor for your jeans and dart into the bathroom, “my best friend is going to murder me though,”
You change at lightning speed, swapping his sweats for your jeans and then tying up your hair into a messy bun before pushing back out into the main room.
“Everyone’s downstairs,” Seonghwa offers, “you shouldn’t run into anyone on the way back to your room.”
“Good, okay, good,” Your heart is pounding, “where’s my room key?”
“Here,” Yunho darts forwards and finds the little envelope, passing it to you, “take a breath,”
“I have to go,” You manage, “I have to think of something,”
“Don’t kiss and tell,” Seonghwa offers and he’s being funny but it’s vaguely helpful.
“Wait,” Yunho grabs your hand and tugs you back, snapping your phone out of your hand.
“Yunho, I don’t,” You start to say but he waves you off.
He types fast, adding himself as a contact in Kakao Talk, “My number,” he explains.
Seonghwa huffs a laugh.
You take the phone back and tuck it into your pocket, “I’ll message you later,”
“Good,” He dips forwards and presses one warm, tender kiss to your lips, “now get out of here,”
You kiss him back, just once and fast, a little shred of self indulgence before you have to act like he’s just another guy, and then you’re darting out of the room, shouting back a thank you at Seonghwa as you go.
You navigate the halls fast, and opt to take the stairs to get down one floor faster and more inconspicuously. You take a deep breath when you get to your hotel door, and then you dive.
“So you are alive,” Iseul’s waiting, just like you thought she might be. She’s sitting on your still made bed, her phone in her hands and a tense expression on her face, “I was just about to tell the managers you were missing,”
“I’m so sorry, seriously, I didn’t mean to worry you,” You take a few steps into the room.
Her eyes flick over you, and you realize at the moment her eyes widen that you’re still wearing Yunho’s hoodie, your sweater still discarded on his bedroom floor.
“You hooked up with someone?” Her voice spikes, “Are you kidding me?”
Thankfully the hoodie is plain, just a heather gray with no identifying attributes that scream his name, but you’re still swimming in it and it’s clear you’re rumpled from bed.
“Listen,” You hold up your hands, “I didn’t mean to not text you, I just fell asleep,”
“With some guy?” She stands.
“Yes,” You settle on some version of the truth.
“Who?” She flounders, “We’re supposed to text each other,”
And you always did, when either one of you went home with someone there was always a little preemptive safety report. A name, an address, a shared location, something so that you weren’t completely alone in the world with a strange guy.
“I’m sorry,” You say again.
She studies you, and it’s like she’s looking through you.
“Oh my god,” Her eyes widen, “we know him.”
“Iseul,” Your cheeks heat.
She points at you, “I’m right!”
“It’s not a big deal,” You skirt around her words.
“The only reason you wouldn’t text me is if you were with someone we both know,” She narrows her eyes, “so give it up.”
“I can’t,” You press, “leave it,”
“Why are you being so weird?”
“Iseul,” You sigh, avoiding her gaze, “I just woke up in a panic, and I have like fifteen minutes to get showered, can you give me the third degree later?”
“I’m not letting this go,”
“Yeah,” You pull off Yunho’s sweatshirt and head to the bathroom, “I know, but we have work.”
“Work with a coworker you slept with,” She stands in the doorway while you start the shower, and you realize her tone isn’t so much as angry anymore but probing.
“I didn’t sleep with him,” You groan, “well, I guess I did, but we didn’t have sex, okay?”
“That’s awfully cozy for a one night stand,” She crosses her arms, “unless you’re seeing someone? Are you seeing someone?”
“No,” You test the water heat and unbutton your jeans, “I swear I’ll explain another time, but can you just drop it for today? Or do you want to stand here and watch me shower?”
“Fine,” She concedes, “you will tell me?”
“I swear,” You nod, “I want to tell you, but I’m not ready yet, okay?”
Her eyes soften up at that, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” You nod, “but I’m having big feelings about it and I need to work it out,”
“Oh,” In all the years you’ve known her, she’s never seen you in love or even close, and she just blinks, “got it,”
“Can I shower now?” You gesture towards the running water.
“Yeah,” She steps back, “yeah, but I’m still mad you didn’t text me.”
“Okay,”
“And I’m still going to guess who it is,” She smirks.
“Fine,”
Her smile widens and she rolls her eyes, “I bet it’s one of the BB guys, isn’t it? You always like a dancer,”
She turns the corner before she can watch you blushing harder, so nearly on the money with her guess, but you put it all out of your mind for now and focus on your day. You’re late, and it’s about to be another long one. You’ll have time for everything else later, if you can just keep your cool.
Work is bizarre to say the least. You and Yunho both do an excellent job of not looking at each other except for when he’s in your makeup chair, and you’re getting better and better at ignoring both San’s and Seonghwa’s nervous glances.
This time you start the makeup early, less time pressure with the schedule adjustments, and the night goes off without a hitch. Soundcheck to stage to VIP benefits, it’s a whirlwind and you’re grateful for the distractions everywhere you look.
You can still feel him, emotions from his side of the link ebbing and flowing throughout the day, but the sharp intensity of yesterday has dulled a bit after your night together. In quiet moments you find yourself thinking about his lips, or the way his hands held you as you tumbled into sleep, but you push it down and stay professional.
As the show ends, Iseul ropes you into team dinner, desperate to observe who you interact with and how, still on her quest to find your mystery bed partner, but the boys aren’t there and so there’s nothing for her to really see.
Later, with Iseul passed out from one too many shots of soju, you slip back into Yunho’s hoodie and cuddle into the warmth of your own bed. You need more sleep, you know that, but your brain isn’t cooperating. You toss and turn in the sheets, body feeling like a taut cord, and all you can think of is him.
You miss him.
It’s not even two days of having him in your life like this and you feel nervous and achy without him. There’s no way you’ll survive two years of this.
Over an hour passes as you sigh, changing positions again and again, and then your phone finally buzzes. You scramble to see if it’s a message from him, nearly dropping your phone in the process.
Can’t sleep? - He must be feeling your restlessness.
Not at all - You reply, chest feeling warm at the contact.
Little bubbles pop up immediately to indicate he’s typing and then another message pops on your screen - You’d think after last night we’d both be exhausted.
So you’re as awake as I am?
Just can’t relax. I liked having you here last night. - He confesses.
You roll over in the bedding onto your front and push the pillow under your chest before you keep texting - I liked it too. I’d come up except Iseul wouldn’t lay off guessing who I was with this morning.
Oh? Did she guess correctly? - You can practically see the smirk on his face.
Nope - You tease back.
Was she upset? - He asks.
At first, but I told her I would tell her soon I just needed some time - You reply.
That’s good, honest. - His message makes you smile.
How was Seonghwa? - You tap out.
Fine…. stressing and acting like a hyung, you know - He says.
You smile and type out another message - Is he keeping this to himself for now?
Yes - Yunho’s message comes in, and then another - For now, he knows we need to decide things first.
That’s good - You send back.
Things lull for a moment, and you try to think of something more to say, but Yunho swoops in with a question that makes you bite your lip to keep from laughing - Who did Iseul guess you were with? Was I even on the list?
I thought you’d be happy she didn’t guess - You reply.
Bubbles appear immediately, then another message - I’m a little offended, I’m the obvious choice.
Why’s that? - You tease him.
You feel something warm in your chest, and his next message flies back - I thought I was your type?
You stifle another laugh - You are, she’s not very observant.
So who did she guess?
Your belly flip flops and you hide your face in the pillow for a moment. His obvious jealousy, even just to tease you, is making your heart quicken and you can’t stop yourself from making it harder on him.
You take a breath and reply - About half the BB crew and a few of your managers.
The replies don’t come for a moment, and you nervously refresh the chat.
Finally a message comes in - I’m trying to think of something funny to say, but I’m actually just irrationally jealous.
She was just teasing, no need to be jealous - You smile into your hand.
Doesn’t matter - He says - Now I’m just here alone wondering which of our coworkers Iseul thinks you have chemistry with
He is jealous. You swallow hard, trying to ignore the swooping sensation in your belly and press your legs a little tighter together. If you close your eyes you can feel the echo of his hands on you from last night, and all you want in the world is for him to come down here and kiss you hard like that again.
With a slow exhale you return to your phone - Don’t be jealous, Yunho. We both know I’m yours.
Yeah? - His reply comes after a beat - No need to be jealous then.
Exactly - You reply.
I bet you like it a little though - His message flies in as yours sends.
You feel warm all over and you run a nervous hand through your hair before replying - No, I don’t.
Jagi, you forget I can feel how worked up you’re getting.
Your stomach clenches, drops and twists. He’s going to be the death of you and you’re still just flirting.
You work up the courage and finally send your reply - You’re the one that pinned me to the wall last night.
I’ve been thinking about that all day - The message reply is fast.
You smile and bite your lip, snuggling further into the mattress and trying to ignore the growing pulse between your thighs - You did seem distracted during rehearsals.
You feel warmth in your chest, and you know exactly how much your flirting is affecting him. Another text pings through and you shiver when you read it - How could I not be distracted with you there? All I could think about was the way you said my name last night.
Your thighs press together - Yunho?
Yes, jagi?
Or more whiny, was it? Yunho-ya? - You type it out fully, emphasizing the extended sound, knowing exactly what he wants to hear from the way he gripped you last night.
The room is suddenly hot, and your heart beats faster to sync with his.
It takes a moment for him to respond, bubbles popping up and then receding again and you wonder how he’s lying in bed. If he’s hard already, if he’s palming himself? You wonder if he sleeps naked when he’s alone and youre core clenches, arousal pooling in your gut and you know he can feel the threads of it. When he finally presses send on his message you have to cover your mouth to keep quiet.
Feeling needy? Are you squirming around in that hotel bed wishing for me, sweetheart?
You feel that message from your top to your toes and you steal a fast glance at the bed next to you. Iseul is sound asleep, turned away from you and snoring softly, and you let out a relieved, shuddering breath.
You could pump the brakes here, tease him and find a way to say goodnight, but you simply can’t. Need and arousal overwhelms you and you tap back your reply fast - I’ve been aching all day.
Do you have headphones?
The question catches you off guard, but you write back - Yes, airpods.
Put them in - He says, and you swallow tightly, reaching for the little headphone case on your bedside table.
Your fingers are shaking as you take them out of the case and put them in, making sure they’re connected before you reply - Done.
His call lights up your phone, ringing in your headphones and you swipe to answer with a panicked glance at the bed next to you, but Iseul sleeps on, none the wiser.
“y/n?” His voice is so rich and quiet, a little raspy edge after singing all night and you nearly moan.
“Hi,” You whisper as soft as you can, “I can’t,”
“Don’t talk,” He soothes you, “don’t wake Iseul up, I’ll talk to you and you can text me back, okay?”
You minimize the call and open your chat back up, sending him a quick emoji to acknowledge his words.
“Perfect,” He laughs softly, “this is way easier than texting. Listen, I know we said slow, but I’d love to help you relax if you want that. If not, I can just say goodnight, it’s up to you.”
You exhale softly, a needy thrill in your gut - Let’s relax together.
“Oh,” He sighs pleasantly, “yes, I’d love that.”
You want me? - You ask.
“You can feel how much I do,” He responds, “I’m sitting here convincing myself not to come downstairs and get my hands on you.”
You hum softly, shifting in the sheets and relaxing deeper into the pillows.
You hear his own breath, the way he parts his lips with a wet sound, “Can you tell me what position you’re in?”
You tap out the reply - Lying on my front, on my stomach.
“Hmm,” He sounds pleased, “I bet you look so cute, all twisted up in the sheets and blushing,”
I was tossing and turning.
“I bet you were,” He groans a little, “I tried everything. I hit the gym, cold shower, did some deep breathing, but you have me so keyed up I can’t sleep,”
You send him another emoji, the blushing face.
He laughs, the rumble of it too deep and warm in your ear with your headphones in.
You tap out another message - What position are you in? Trying to picture it.
You hear him shift around in the sheets, “I’m on my back,”
Wearing?
He chuckles, “Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking what you’re wearing?”
I asked you first.
“Fair,” He shifts again, and you picture him restless on his back in the bed you shared the night before, “just boxers,”
A heavy sigh passes through your lips.
“And you?”
You wish it were sexier all of a sudden, but that just wouldn’t be practical in a room with your friend so you tell him honestly - Pajamas, the button down kind, they’re gray.
“God, you’re adorable,” The covers on his end shift again, “wish you were up here with me.”
Me too
“This is probably better,” He says though, “I don’t think I could hold myself back for another night.”
Me either - You confess.
“y/n,” His voice warms, low in his chest, “jagiya, can I help you? Can I tell you what I want you to do?”
Your hands are shaking and you type the reply so fast there’s a typo that you have to fix - Pfease - Please.
He chuckles, “Alright, get comfortable, just listen to my voice, okay?”
You message him one last thought - What about you?
“I’m… I’m, uh,” He lets out a shaky breath, “I’m already stroking for you,”
You press your lips together to keep from making a sound, dropping your forehead to the pillow in front of you.
That’s so hot - You text him quickly when you hear him say your name, probably a little nervous he came on too strong.
He hums, “Good,” he says, “then don’t worry about me, just listen to my voice.”
You set your phone to the side, snuggling into the mattress and the pillows just like he asked for, sparing one more glance at Iseul to confirm she’s still completely out of it.
“Comfy?” He asks when you stop shifting around.
“Mhm,” You murmur in a whisper.
“Good,” He sighs, “now slip one of your hands under your cute little pajamas, between your thighs.”
You slide your arm down, tucking it under your body and into your sleep pants.
“Under your panties too,” He says, his voice a little husky.
“Mhm,” You murmur again, following his words.
“Tease a little for me,” He instructs you, “not too fast, just your fingertips on the outside,”
You breathe low and slow, gently passing the pads of your fingers over your slit, just barely ghosting against the hard nub of your clit.
“I bet you look so pretty right now,” He groans a little and you hear the sound of sheets, “you make the cutest faces when you’re feeling good,”
You make the tiniest noise of acknowledgement, fingers still brushing your cunt.
“Can’t wait to see you fall apart for real,” He confesses, a strain in his tone as he sighs, and you picture him. His long legs spread wide in the bed, stretching from corner to corner, his boxer briefs pushed down and his hand fisting his cock.
You’re going to lose it when you finally get to touch him again.
“You can touch now,” He murmurs, getting your attention back, “are you wet?”
You push your fingers through your folds and sigh when you feel just how slick and swollen you are. With your other hand you find the phone nearby and tap out a quick message - So wet
“That’s good, that’s so good,”
Your fingers start to circle on your oversensitive nub and there’s no way he won’t have you coming in five minutes or less with it feeling this good and his heavy breath in your ear.
“R-rub your clit for me,” He pants and your eyes roll, you can hear the sounds of the sheets rhythmically swishing as he pumps his cock harder, “get your fingers nice and wet,”
You whimper into the pillow, biting down hard on your cheek to keep yourself in check.
“Oh, fuck,” He groans, “sound so pretty,”
You rub harder, faster, your legs stretching wide under the downy comforter to give you better access.
“Baby,” He gets your attention with that, “push two fingers inside yourself, imagine I’m there with you,”
You shift, hand slipping lower and body arching to slide your middle and ring finger as deep as they’ll go. You stay mostly quiet this time, but your breathing is heavy and you’re sure he can hear it.
“Close your eyes,” He murmurs, “picture my fingers,”
You gasp softly.
“Grind,” He tells you, “grind your pussy on my palm and feel my fingers fucking you,”
You bite back a moan, only the slip of a soft sound into the microphone as you start to rock, rolling your hips and working your clit against your hand as you sink into his fantasy. You always took him for soft, the romantic type who’d blush at saying the word ‘pussy’ let alone talking you through what’s bound to be the headiest orgasm of your life, but you’ve never been so happy to be wrong.
“Yes,” Yunho moans and you shudder, “I can hear you moving, you’re doing so good,”
Pleasurable stars burst behind your eyes and you grind harder into your slick palm.
“So good,” He groans and you hear him roll in the bedding, his voice changing to something lower and breathier, and then the rhythmic rock of sheets from his side of the phone tells you all you need to know. You can almost see it, Yunho braced on his forearms, hips thrusting to drive his cock in and out of his hot fist, his face buried in the pillow you slept on the night before.
Heat melts through you, your body alight, and you grapple to find the phone again - Close
“Already?” He says in a flushed exhale, “You’re so hot, that’s so hot,”
You need him to talk to you, you need him to tell you what to do, and you whimper into the bedding as you work your body faster up to the peak.
“You gonna come for me?” He murmurs, “Yeah? Hmm?”
You drop the phone and press a hand over your lips, stifling the threat of a real moan.
“Let go,” His voice is so low in your ear you can practically feel the warmth of his breath on your skin, “come for me,”
Your legs are trembling, knees digging into the mattress and sweat gathered on your brow, and you feel the pressure start to crack open inside you, “Coming,” you whimper into your fingers so he knows, and then it breaks.
“God, good girl, yes,” He groans, “I’m coming with you, fuck,”
Your body curls into itself as you release, locking up in pleasure as you feel wave after wave of heat. You bite down on your knuckle to keep from making a sound, silently falling apart, dimly aware somewhere in your gut that half the heat you felt was his, that part of that pleasure was his own.
Yunho moans in your ear as you ride the sensations, panting and cursing and you can’t wait to feel him pulsing inside you while he sounds this good.
You’re not sure how long it takes you to recover, but when your brain starts to connect again you realize you’re panting against the cool flat of the mattress and both your phone and pillow are nowhere to be found. You swallow hard and pop your head up, but Iseul hasn’t moved an inch and you thank god for her liberal use of melatonin while traveling.
In your ear you register the sound of Yunho’s breath and the end of a sentence, “still there?”
He must have been talking, and you try to focus in on the sound of him now as you slip your hand out from between your sticky thighs.
He exhales slowly and you hear him shifting around, “y/n, baby, are you there?”
“Uh-huh,” You manage.
“Sleepy?” He murmurs, misreading your sound, “That’s okay,”
You make a tiny noise of protest and search the bed for your phone.
“Baby?” He’s confused and you grin at his sleepy sated tone.
Sliding off the bed onto nearly boneless legs, you find your pillow off to the side and your phone underneath. You snap it up and send a message quickly - Wait
“Wait?” He breathes, “Sure, I’m not going anywhere, I’m here,”
You tiptoe to the bathroom as quietly as you can and then shut yourself behind the heavy door, flicking on the light and collapsing to sit on the closed toilet lid.
You disconnect your earbuds and bring your phone to your ear, “Hey,”
“Hey,” He murmurs, “you okay?”
“Yeah,” You smile, still a little breathless, “Hiding in the bathroom for a sec so I could actually talk to you,”
He hums, a quiet, lazy laugh, “Ah,”
“Are you okay?” You find yourself asking, a little nervous tumble in your gut.
“Me?” He says, “I’m incredible, you’re incredible,”
“Yeah?” You draw your knees up, wrapping your arms around yourself and smiling into the phone.
“That wasn’t too much, was it?” He checks, but you still hear the sound of him calling you ‘good girl’ and you shiver.
“Not too much,” You sigh into the phone.
“Good,” He hums, “I thought so, I was trying to pay attention to how you were feeling, but it was a little,”
“Hard to focus?” You offer and he laughs.
“Yeah,” He sighs again, heavy and sated.
“I can’t wait for this tour to be over,” You confess, “I just want to be with you,”
You feel a pang in your chest and listen as Yunho rolls in the sheets, “I know, I want that too,”
A little lump forms in your throat and you breathe through it, “Yunho,”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Have you ever felt like this before?” Your thundering heart has started to slow, and you let your eyes close as you murmur the question.
“Never,” He murmurs, “but I felt this way before we touched,”
You feel his tenderness wrap around your heart as if he were in the room with you, and with a small smile you whisper, “I thought you said you weren’t holding a candle?”
“I lied,” He says softly, “it’s been you for a long time,”
He doesn’t say it, not in so many words, but you feel the way he loves you through the link in a wave. It’s as good as any confession to you, just as honest if not more so.
“I wish I could come upstairs,” You manage, tears pricking your eyes.
You hear him swallow and breathe a slow breath through his nose, “Soon, I promise. We’re going to do this right,”
“I know,”
“Are your headphones still in?” He asks
“No, but I can switch back,”
“Put them back in and go get back in bed,” He softly instructs, “it’s late, but I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, okay?”
“Okay,” You swap back over to your earbuds and adjust them.
“Get back to bed,” You can hear the smile in his voice.
“Yunho,” You interrupt him, “thank you for staying with me,”
“Always,” He says, and for the first time in your life when someone says they’ll be there, you believe it.
“I’m going back out,” Your voice drops to a whisper, “good night,”
“Mhm,” He listens as you slip back into bed, “just get comfortable, just breathe. I’m right here with you, jagiya, I’ll be right here.”
He murmurs to you softly until your mind is sinking into darkness, body finally unspooling and letting you drop off into sleep. It’s not the same as his arms around you, but it settles you more than any meditation, his voice a steady whisper through your dreams.
In the morning when you wake the call is still connected and the first sound you hear is his slow breath and the steady beat of his heart.
#yunho#jeong yunho#honeyhotteoks fic#yunho x reader#yunho fic#yunho ff#yunho smut#yunho fluff#ateez#ateez fic#ateez ff
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the thing in your chest that beats ⁴ | e.w
santa barbara!ellie williams & ex-firefly!reader
wc: 5.9k
mini-series: california | oregon | idaho | wyoming (you’re here)
tags: @elliecoochieeater
blurb: you put up a good fight with those rattlers, but it wasn’t good enough—all it got you was strung up near a beach where the sun scorched you dry. abruptly, their set-up gets fucked by their own prisoners, saving your life by only a thread. but the wrath that lingered under your skin was immense, and you’re not the only one to experience that phenomenon. when another damaged soul encounters your brittle state; the dreams that put you in a tough position manifest into reality. along with a few extra miscellaneous things…
cw: healing!reader, healing!ellie, vulgar language, ellie being avoidant as hell, slow-burn romance, little jj, reader being really depressed at the beginning, little time jump, sexual content but not smut per se, pure sugary sweet ending (almost pissed ME off)
note: omg final chapter!! i didn’t really know how i wanted to end it, so i went through scenic route. i hope you guys enjoyed my little series, because i had fun writing it.
wyoming
For the first time in a long time, you were cozy—absolutely bored and comfortable, and what a delight that was! The settlement in Jackson was everything that you had hoped for. It was warm and welcoming. Not by everyone, but by enough to want this place to feel like home. When the moon replaced the sun and the stars trickled over the night sky, warm yellow lights flickered on. Draping over the center of the settlement, where the establishments flourished. Lighting up a path that was being adorned by the first snow of the year.
It’s been a while since you’ve seen snow in all its icy glory; you were nothing but a child then. Waking up from a troubled sleep, in a spacious home that you could call your own, you shuffled to a frosted window. With your arms wrapped around your body, looking to see minute flurries fluttering from the sky. Collecting in piles on the outer edge of your windowsill.
After a month of already being in Wyoming, at the settlement, reality had set in. You were no longer a soldier, or a slave, or a traveler. Finally, you have made it to the place that was nestled in your mind for endless days, weeks and months.
Relief. Solace. Everything you’ve ever wanted. Except for one thing.
The house was a two-story home, with beige striped wallpaper; mahogany wood accenting arches separating rooms, cabinets, bannisters and floor boards. Upon your arrival, it was already furnished. A long, soft maroon couch. Decorated with quilts and knitted blankets from neighbors. A square wool carpet laid flat under a mahogany coffee table. Lamps in various places, warmly illuminating the room.
A dark wood dining table. Iron cookware. Upstairs, a quiet bed frame with a decent mattress and comforter on top. A couple of pillows. Two dressers. A proportionate closet—this house looked like a home. Minus the adjustments and additions you were planning for. However, it didn’t quite feel like a home.
It was empty… Or you were empty.
Since your arrival, talking with Ellie became a challenge. You rarely saw her; it was like she handed you off to the officials of Jackson’s and dusted her hands from you. It was dramatic to ruminate over a woman who’s only obligation was to get you to Wyoming—to this community. That’s what you tried to tell yourself to stay in line, but it wasn’t working. Even after busying yourself with different jobs and tasks to start earning your keep, you still thought of her.
Hell, you caught glimpses of her. Jackson wasn’t that big. She’d be walking hand-in-hand with a small child, a toddler, talking intimately with a dark-haired woman. You saw them together often. It could only be assumed that they were important—her ex-girlfriend and son. Well, now, you were uncertain if that was her ex-girlfriend… But, again, you shouldn’t be ruminating. You got what you wanted, remember?
It was an early morning when Maria had asked to meet with you, at a coffee shop in the middle of the square. Dressed in an insulated coat with a hoodie underneath, a pair of trusted light-wash jeans and black leather boots; you began a trek from the corner of the settlement in a light layer of snow. The asphalt wasn’t cold enough to let it fester just yet, but the grass held onto the ice. Headphones rested over your ears, playing a tape gifted to you as a housewarming gift from your young neighbor.
Some old rock band from the 90s. Nirvana’s About A Girl played in your ears as your boots crunched the snow.
It took about four songs off the album for you to get to the coffee shop. Pulling the flimsy headphones down to rest around your neck, you entered the shop looking for a head of sleek blonde hair. An aroma of burning coffee beans and sugar infiltrated your nose. Small chatter was heard from people holding warm mugs, looking at old newspapers, reading novels.
From a table in the far corner of the shop, Maria stood to wave you over. A friendly smile spread across your lips, taut and plastered, as you approached the square wooden table. “G’Morning, Maria.” You reached your hand out to shake her hand, professionally.
She looked down at your hand, snickering. Impressed by your insistence on professionalism. After all, she basically was your employer. It was the one thing the fireflies taught you well—respect your superiors. “Good Mornin’,” Maria firmly shook your hand, taking her seat.
The heaters in the shop toasted up your exposed skin, causing you to remove your jacket before sitting down in the seat across from the older woman. Two cups warm mugs were put in front of you, almost on cue, by a young girl with a maroon apron. “Thank you, Melissa.” She smiled at the barista. “I wasn’t sure if you liked coffee, so I just ordered you a hot chocolate. Hope that’s all right.”
“Oh, it’s fine. No complaints here.”
“Good.” Maria curtly nodded her head, pulling a black binder from a bag hanging on the back of a chair. “You’ve been sleeping well in that house?” Dabbing her middle finger on her tongue, she sifted through the pages and hand-written documents.
You blink, wrapping your hands around the ceramic mug. “There’s good nights and bad nights…” Nodding, you attempt to take a sip of the hot beverage, but it was too scolding. “Not the fault of the house, just me.” The ends of your lips curl as a softener to your words. Being negative in the face of someone who granted you a place to stay felt like a crime.
Maria hummed, looking up at with genuine blue eyes. “Well, I hope there are more good nights than bad nights.”
“Yeah, of course!” You shrugged, answering entirely too quickly. Which certainly gave away the fact that you telling the truth. Her icy blues were intimidating, although you’ve seen much worse than a pair of eyes.
Falling asleep alone, in the dark was another challenge you had to face. After spending months on the road with someone, knowing they’re there… It was an eerie feeling being far from them—being along. Especially, those last few weeks leading up to knocking on the community’s door. Whenever you found a place to camp out for the night, her arms would be wrapped around you. Or your arms wrapped around her. Relishing in each other’s clothed or bare bodies; it had become a tragic comfort.
Your skin burned for her like it did on that fucking pillar. It tingled, ached and wanted for her touch. Her lips. Her eyes. Her hands.
The nightmare’s of your traumas persisted when you closed your eyes. You wanted to blame it on Ellie’s absence, but they rarely surrendered with her around. But at least when you woke up, boiling, sweating and heaving like you’d just run a marathon, a pair of arms were there to lull you back to sleep. Kissing the back of your neck to remind you that you weren’t there anymore—that you were safe.
And, when she had her moments, shooting up from your arms with tears rolling down her cheeks. You coaxed her back to sleep with her head on your chest, and affirming whispers.
You couldn’t help but wonder if those moments meant as much to her as they did to you.
She hummed at your response, pursing her lips. “If you’re having any problems let me know. I have some great remedies to help with sleep.” The blonde woman offers, a soft smile spreading on her lips. You nodded, chewing on the soft skin inside of your lip. “Now,” Maria begins. “I see that you’ve had some time to try out some of the positions we offer. Have any taken your interest?”
Flipping through a couple of pages, she continues. “I’ve heard great things from Ava Marin, she manages the patrols. Uhm, and Mrs Hayworth, from the gardens and greenhouse…”
“Mrs Hayworth is a very kind woman. I enjoyed working with her— she’s great at explaining things.” You compliment, thinking about the few days you spent with her planting vegetables and fruit. Her salt and pepper hair puffed in coils around her cherubic but wrinkled face. Crowd feet leading to a pair of squinty hazel eyes. Mrs Hayworth treated her plants like they were her children, and she enforced you to do the same.
“She is— wonderful woman.” Maria agreed.
Humming, you think about all the jobs your tried—which was a lot. Patrol was something that you were used to. Being out in the world wasn’t a grand change. However, you weren’t certain that you wanted to go beyond the walls so often. You’ve spent lots of time patrolling, surveying, killing infected—you wanted to hang that up. Every once in a while wouldn’t hurt, though. “If I were to sign up to help out with the gardens… Would that mean that patrolling would be off limits?”
The blonde woman shook her head, pursing her lips. “Not at all! For patrol, it’s in a sign-up basis. If you were to mainly do patrol, it would mean going out every other day. If you were to mainly work the gardens, that would be more of a consistent job— but you could still sign-up for patrols if you wanted.” Maria informed. “As long as you’ve been approved to go, and you have.”
“Hm…” You thought, weighing your options. The inner rage that you harbored had remained dormant since you arrived. It had been replaced with rumination and sadness for things out of your control. “Gardening full-time seems serene… I’ve spent enough time out there.” Nodding, with a subtle curl to the corners of your lips, you admitted.
Maria begins to scribble with a pen on a sheet of paper, connected to the rings in the binder. “Sounds fitting. But, of course, you can change your mind anytime.”
After you deal with business, Maria continues conversation with you. Casual, of course. You could tell she was trying to pry without being obvious—wanting to know more about you. Willingly, you gave in, because why not? It’s been a long time since you’ve had a real conversation with someone. Maria Miller seemed genuine enough.
However, when she brought up Ellie, the air stiffened. And you could tell she noticed it.
“You and Ellie… Have you spoken, lately? It’s been hard getting a hold of her— it’s like she’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time.” She chortles, taking a sip of her coffee. Pressing her lips together at the bitter taste.
Stunned by the mention of her, you shook your head. Fingers growing numb around the warm, untouched, hot chocolate. “Uhm, no I haven’t…”
She hummed, leaning her head to the start. “That’s odd.” Maria scoffs, bunching her eyebrows. “She made it seem like you two were very close— being that you traveled so far together…” It’s like she was thinking out loud, making you want to bolt from the wooden chair holding onto you. “I mean, she made sure that you got the best house in Jackson… I would assume that she would’ve at least visited—“
“Well, she hasn’t.” Sternly interrupting her, you inhaled, sharply.
Noticing the mistake, she sighed, looking at with blue eyes filled with pity. It irked you. Trying to fix it, Maria plastered a bittersweet smile on her lips. “She’s more like Tommy than I thought.” Bunching your eyebrows, she continued. “My husband— ex-husband— I don’t know… It’s complicated.”
You know the feeling… Kind of.
Ellie had told you about Tommy Miller. He was a very ambitious man, to say the least. Ambitious enough to send a grieving girl to kill someone in his absence—feeding off her own despair. You caught that much. But, if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have ever met her. What a selfish thought. “They’re both hermits in their own right, but they always come around.” She released a wistful sigh. “Ellie will come around… Just give her some time to get all her ducks in a row.”
With tight lips, you nodded. How much time? You desperately wanted to ask, but you didn’t. Instead, you stood up, pulling your jacket over your shoulders. “Thank you so much for the hot chocolate, Maria, but I have to go.” Speaking quickly, you slid your arms into your puffer jacket. Maria abruptly stood to her feet with an inquisitive expression.
“Oh, well, uhm,” She began, rubbing her hands together. “Of course. You’re schedule should be out in the next few days. Consider the meantime your sabbatical.” Her eyes drifted over your frame like a concerned mother. “It was a pleasure talking with you, y/n. I’m glad you could join us here.”
Sending another tight-lipped smile her way, you stuck your hands into your pockets. “I’m glad you let me. See you around.”
Leaving the coffee shop, the cold air was a smack in the face. Pulling you from shackles of solemnity—briefly. Raising your headphones back around your ears, you resumed the tape inside of the Walkman clipped to your hip.
Thin flurries of snow began to fall from the bright grey clouds. Trickling over the strands of your hair, melting in contact. Stuffing your hands back into your pockets, you walked down the icy path of the square.
The main square in Jackson was littered with people. Some were standing around conversing, with cigarettes in their hands. Some worked pulling supplies in large wooden carts, moving them to another establishment. You seen a man on a ladder fixing a broken light on the outside of a pub. And a woman walking a train of small children holding hands—like they were on a field trip of some kind. They laughed and giggled under knit beanies, bundled in their jackets that may have been too big for some.
A smile appeared on your lips as you watched them march by you.
You stopped at an art store, looking up at the wooden sign. Quoting Maria, you were on sabbatical; so, you wanted to use this time to fully explore the settlement. In the month that you’ve been in Jackson, you have visited the local pub more often than you’d like to admit. Entering the store, a bell sounded, and you smiled at the few people walking around the decorated shop.
Organic paints and brushes were located in the back corner of the store, taking up two walls and some floor space. While the rest of the store harbored artwork from the people who lived in the community. And some refurbished work found outside the wall. A sign on the wall read: talk to an attendant for group and private classes. You hummed, impressed by the normalcy. Perhaps, you could sign up for one.
Meandering around, your eyes survey the paintings and drawings. Thinking about your home, it could use some personalization. You came across a landscape portrait of two women. The strokes emulated grass—olive tones—that they were lying on—intertwined with each other. Arms and legs entangled. Lips grazing each others cheeks. The strokes that were made were intentionally blurry and messy. Who were these women? Was their relationship as unofficial and indifferent as your own?
Fingers grazing the canvas of the painting, you couldn’t help but think of that freckle-faced woman you’ve grown to adore.
“You interested in that one? Nice choice.”
Even though your headphones played Nirvana in your ears, you could still recognize the outsourced voice. Her voice was like honey. Soft, warm honey. Luring you like a spell spoken by a witch or warlock. God, you missed the sound of her voice. “Funny thing is… The woman who painted this actually has a husband.” She chuckled, glancing at you with a nervous glint.
You froze at the sound of her voice, eyes glued to the art before you. Just blinking. Buh bum. Buh hum. Your heart beat in your ears, in your chest, in your hands—everywhere! Skin growing hot as if you were sat in front of a furnace. Were you mad or just upset? It was hard to tell, even for yourself.
The smile on her lips faded, immediately. Fiddling with her fingers—she always did that. “How’re you settling in—?”
“I’ve already settled in…” Your voice was eerily calm, side-eying her as you spoke. “I haven’t seen you in five weeks, Ellie.”
She sighed, adjusting the knit cap over her hair. Licking her lips, nervously. “I know—“
“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” When you finally look at her, she notices the irateness in your eyes. Crowding over the feelings of yearning and sorrow.
“Can we talk? Please, just let me explain.”
Gritting your jaw, you peer at her. Thinking about hashing it out within a small walk. But, you were tender, sensitive—you couldn’t be sure that your reaction wouldn’t be explosive. What if she told you she was getting back with Dina? Going back to her family. That alone could send you into ruins. And you too far from your house to escape the public once you unleashed hell upon that woman. “You know where I live.” You told, with a pinched expression.
That was your cue to leave the store, pulling your hoodie over your head. Maybe, today wasn’t the day to tour the community. Another day. Plus, you had to spend the rest of the day anticipating a knock at your door.
It was a glum walk back to your place. You had put your Walkman on pause, walking in a depressive silence. Each step you made up your porch was deliberate and slow. An old swing chair swung in the wind, bolts shaking once you put your weight on the porch. It wrapped around the entire front of the house, and it definitely needed more décor.
Entering your house, you hung up your jacket and kicked off your shoes at the door. Stalking up your staircase, leaning in the railing, you made your way to your bedroom. The un-made bed beckoned you; so you kicked the door closed, and jumped under your covers. Hopefully, getting some shut eye could ease your nerves.
The sleep was rocky—you were in and out. In the moments when you awoke, you pulled a book from your bedside table to read—George Eliot—hoping to fall back asleep. But the novel only intrigued you for hours. Distracting from that anticipation long enough for it to come sooner than you expected.
It was dark, but it was no later than six-thirty.
You approached the door with a heavy heart, sliding your fluffy socks across the wooden floor. The reveal of the woman on your porch caused your body to heat up once more. She turned around, still dressed in the clothes from earlier.
“Hey,”
“Hey…”
Pressing her lips into an awkward line. “Nice porch.”
Scrunching your eyebrows at the compliment, you abandoned the door while it was ajar. Telling her to enter without losing your dignity. Ellie stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. “Shoes off.” You tell her, waving a hand, carelessly.
Walking to the kitchen, you threw onto the stove a metal kettle filled water. While your innate anger was healing, there was still pridefulness about you. You had to have some sort of control over any situation that you’re in. Ellie came to your house; this conversation was on your terms. And it was going to stay that way.
Ellie had navigated around your living room, feeling the softness of the carpet under her feet. I did good. She thought. Ellie taking part in the decision making for your accommodations was true. She wanted to give you the absolute best, because she knew she was going to need some time alone.
Appearing from around the corner, you leaned against the mahogany frame lining the entrance to the living room. With your arms stubbornly crossed over your chest. “You have about seven to eight minutes before that kettle goes off, and when it does, this conversation is over.”
She slid the hat from her head, dragging it down to the place over her belly button. Kneading the fabric with her thumbs. “Do you not want me here?” Her voice cracked, hands smacking down at her sides. “Because we can talk another time—“
“Six minutes.”
Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “You know, what?” Ellie scoffed, striding past you toward your kitchen. Irritation rushing through her nerves. It confused her how she could be so obsessed with someone who might’ve been more stubborn than herself.
You followed her into the kitchen. “What the hell are you doing?”
The woman reached for the kettle, taking it off the small flame. Flicking off the fire, she turned to look at you. “You’re not gonna give me six minutes to explain myself— I’m not gonna let you rush this.”
“I’m not rushing anything.”
Narrowing her eyes, she crossed her arms. Leaning her back against the counter, coolly. “Are you seriously insulting my intelligence, right now?” Ellie raised an eyebrow, mocking words that you’ve said in the past.
Squinting your eyes, glaringly, you scoff. “Just… Talk, Ellie.” You waved your hand, leaning on the threshold bordering the kitchen and the small foyer. Perhaps, you were pushing it a bit too far.
The auburn-haired woman sighed behind speaking. Placing her hands on the edge of the counter. “When I left… It was an immediate decision— made in the middle of the night in a farmhouse I shared with my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, and my kid.” She began, eyeing you intently. “I left my family behind, y/n, including Maria and Tommy and anyone else in this fucking community that I knew.” Her hands moved as she spoke, passionately. “In that moment, I don’t think I ever planned to come back. There was nothing to come back to…
Then, I met you. When I thought I traveled so far for nothing— I met you.” Her olive eyes looked to the ceiling, thinking. While your heart blundered under your ribs. “Coming back was never my intention, and I left that way. So, when I walked through those doors… I had a lot of work to do. A lot of bridges to mend and gain the trust of again— which I’m still doing, by the way.”
Her hand jutted out, before slapping against her thighs. “I didn’t mean to ghost you like that. Truthfully, I was overwhelmed.” The woman confessed, scratching the back of her head. “For the first two weeks, I was begging for Dina to let me see JJ, my son. For the next, I was arguing with Tommy for letting Abby go— it was a lot. And I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to put any of that on you.” Pursing your lips, you nodded. “You’ve been through enough… I was protecting you. I wanted you to just focus on settling in.”
“Well, it was hard settling in without you.” It almost came out like a whisper—a little louder than a whisper. Followed by a dry, stubborn chortle. “I spent months on the road with you, and it’s like you just hung me out to dry. That fucking sucked.” Averting your eyes, you peered at the shining floorboards.
She nodded, frowning at your downcast expression. But, there was an element of proudness. Give or take a few weeks back, you’d argue her down over anything. However, this time, vulnerability leaked from you. Poured from your words and demeanor like liquid gold. “I know, and I’m really sorry. It was fucked up. But it will never happen again— I swear to you.”
“What if something else comes up?” You question, chewing on the skin inside your lip.
“I’ll clue you in— every time.”
You hummed, raising an eyebrow. “What’s the status on you and Dina?”
Ellie rubs her nose with her index finger, ready to answer your rapid-fire questions. “Cordial co-parents.”
“Does she know about us?”
A goofy smile spreads across her plump lips. “We’re an us?”
Narrowing your eyes at her, fighting a little grin, you responded. “Answer the question, Ellie!”
“Oh, my God! Yes, she knows about us, and she’s happy for me.” With amused features, she begins to slowly approach you. “Now, are you done with the twenty questions game? Because you haven’t accepted my apology once…” She pouted, sliding her hands over your arms, pulling them from their crossed position.
Batting your eyes at her, feigning thought. The touch of her fingers on you sparked a fire, setting your skin ablaze. Even if it was in your best interest not to accept her apology, you probably still would. The way her eyes looked into you with such gentleness—it couldn’t be replicated by anyone else. “I accept your apology…” You admit, grazing your fingers up the sleeves of her flannel.
“Fuck, yes!” She wasted no time to embrace you, wrapping her arms around your neck. Tightly, you wrapped your arms around her back, leaning your head over her shoulder. “I missed you. I hope you’ll let me make it up to you?”
“You have no choice but to make it up to me.” You spoke against her exposed skin, pecking the side of her neck. “For the sake of lost time.”
Ellie giggled at the brush of your lips, pulling away with raised eyebrows. “Oh, shit. I almost forgot— be right back.” She runs to your front door pulling it open, and leaning to the side to grab a flipped canvas that was leaning against the outside brick wall. It was the portrait you were considering buying at the art store. “Housewarming present!” She grinned, presenting it in front of herself.
You matched her smile, reaching out to take it from her. “That woman is totally gay for making this.”
“So gay. I feel bad for her husband.”
Sharing a laugh, you look back at her, setting the canvas to the side against the wall. Walking up to her, you grabbed her face, caressing the skin of her cheeks. Musing at her earthy features, taking them all in like you’d never see her again. The last time you saw her, it’s like you took it for granted—not knowing if it was going to be a while before you got to look at her the way you wanted to. Leaning into her, you pressed your lips against hers, unabashedly. Her hands found comfort at the divot of your waist, pulling you flush against her.
Sliding your hands down to the nape of her neck, the kiss deepened. You whined into her mouth when she slipped her tongue between your lips. With the combination of her grip on your waist and the taste of her lips, you wanted to merge your bodies—so she could never leave your side again. You’ve survived enough tragic loss; was it so bad to want this one thing? The touch of your troubled lover.
Ellie backed you against the wall, muttering against your lips. “I wanna take my time with you…” She began to trail hot kisses over your cheek, down your jaw, to the sensitive parts of your neck. “Show you…” Smack. “Just how much…” Smack. “I love you.”
Under the waistband of your jeans, you throbbed, but the thing beating inside your chest swelled and beat louder. “Y— You love me?” The tips of your fingers scratched at her scalp, comfortingly. As she pulled her face from your neck, her freckled cheeks flushed.
“Yeah, I do.” Her thumb came up to caress your jaw. “I really do.”
That was your cue to completely devour her. You pulled her upstairs, into your bedroom, to ravish her—to ravish each other. Stripping from your clothes to come unto one another with a sickening love. Her lips traced every part of your body; suckling, nibbling, tonguing down the most sensitive parts. Pulling moans from your diaphragm, seamlessly. She cooed for you and spoke filthily in your ear while touching you with a gentle firmness that only she could replicate over and over—making you come undone hard. As if the universe came from within you.
Stars, planets, galaxies—celestial bodies!
You and Ellie were two halves of one whole. Everything that led up to that beach happened with the purpose of bringing the scorned together. To cancel it out, blossoming something much greater. Somehow, you proved to each other that you were both worth saving. No matter the sin. No matter the guilt. It was all worth it to end up wrapped in her arms, skin to skin, caressing her battered epidermis.
As months progressed, gearing up for the spring season, Ellie had long moved her stuff in. Her easel and unfinished works nestled in the guest room. Her clothes were stuffed beside yours in the drawer before your bed, and the closet beside your door. Bringing in sunrises with sleepy, feathered kisses and innocent touches. It was a dream you both got the chance to live out.
This wasn’t enduring or surviving—it was living. Experiencing life.
With your hands covered in dirt, replanting a radish, joyful voices were behind your back. Looking over your shoulder, a tiny frame was trotting toward you, calling your name. Ellie in his trail, with her hands in her pockets.
Gasping, you turned around with a grin. “Hey, buddy!” You opened your arms for him to promptly land in them. Keeping your hands far from his jacket so the soil wouldn’t dirty him up.
“Careful, JJ, she’s working!” She tried, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“Oh, Ellie, it’s fine.” You waved a dirty hand, sliding them off your fingers, dropping them onto the grass. So you could reach under his arms to hoist him onto your hip. The sun landed just right on his little head, sparkling off his small growing teeth.
Ellie’s lips curled at the sight. “He wanted to come visit you at work before I dropped him off.” She meandered toward you, pecking your lips.
“Just JJ? Or you, too?”
“Both of us, whatever.” Playfully, she rolled her eyes. “Plus, I had to remind you of our dinner date tonight— its mandatory. You can’t be late.” Her fingers pushed fallen pieces of your hair from your forehead.
Once you had gotten into the grove of gardening, time flew by. It would go from seven in the morning to eight in the afternoon like it was nothing. Causing you to miss out on some of the plans you made with your generous lover. “You’ve been reminding me since I got up this morning. Trust me, I remember, Ellie.” You squeezed his chubby cheek, cooing at him. “Ugh, I love him.” You gushed, peering between him and your girlfriend.
“Oh!” You pulled a folded-up paper from your back pocket. “JJ, you wanna do me a big favor?”
His eyebrows lifted, grinning.
“Give your mama back this recipe for me, all right?” He takes the paper in his hands, preparing to unfold it. “Promise me you’ll give it to her…”
“I promise!”
“Okay, bud. Tuck it tight into your pocket until you get there.”
Instead of unfolding, he pushed it into the pocket of his coat, messily. Patting it, to let you know it was inside. Kissing him on his cheek, you put him back on the ground. Eyes glancing at the watch on your wrist. “Well, I gotta get back to work.” Your hand found hers by her side, leaning your body toward her arm. “Thanks for visiting me, babe. Letting me see that beautiful face of yours.”
Ellie blushed, averting her glazing eyes. You leaned your head closer to hers, warmly kissing her cheek. “My pleasure…”
“I’m sure.” You teased, inconspicuously biting her ear. Quick enough that it went unseen to the surrounding people, and JJ as he played with the leaves sticking out of the garden. Ellie released an airy sigh, narrowing her eyes at you. She whined your name as if she were embarrassed. “Don’t be like that— you know I love you.”
“I love you more… But you have to chill. Mrs Hayworth is right there.”
“You don’t know Mrs Hayworth like I do.” You snicker, waving a hand to the older woman a few bins away. The salt and pepper haired woman waved, sending a teasing wink. Ellie looked back at your with confused, and slightly horrified, features. “I’ll tell you about it later. At the dinner I’m not going to be late to.”
“And you better not.” Ellie poked you, with pouty lips.
“Ellie, I won’t.”
“Okay, I believe you.” She kissed you one more time. A little longer. A little deeper. “I won’t keep you from the vegetables anymore. JJ, say buh-byes.” He jumps from a squat, waving his hand with a smile. “I’ll see you later. C’mon, kid.” Ellie hoisted him up into her hip and began walking back the way she came to deliver him to Dina’s. Leaving you with metaphorical heart eyes, pulling your gloves back onto your hands.
And, when later came; over a hearty chicken dinner prepared by Ellie Williams herself, a shiny silver band was presented to you in the pages of a book. Laying over an underlined and highlighted excerpt of the book—something you highlighted. It was a novel you had finished sometime between the end of December and early January.
“‘What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?’” Ellie had recited, evenly. With not a speckle of wavering, or awkwardness, or pause—unless it was intentional. “Adam Bede. Your favorite book… I hope it’s your favorite book.”
Jumping from your chair across from her, you leaped into her arms after placing the book into the dinner table. Pecking your lips across her face. “Yes! Yes! Ellie, a million fucking times, yes!”
“I didn’t even ask the question.” She laughed in your ear, looking up at you with dilated pupils.
Pulling back, you narrowed your tearing eyes at her. “You don’t have to. I already said yes.”
“But isn’t that the exciting part… Popping the question?”
You scrunched your eyebrows. “I thought the exciting part was me saying yes to marrying you…?”
Ellie spent days studying George Eliot, hours setting up the dinner, and minutes shaking with anxiety. Working herself up to saying those magic four words, only for your to swipe the chance right from under her. And, honestly, she loved you more for it. “All right, can I at least put the damn ring on your finger?”
“‘Course, you can, Els.” You pull the book toward you, opening it up on the page with the ring. Ellie takes it from your fingers, glancing at you with opalescent olive eyes. She slid it onto your ring finger, delicately twisting the band around. You grinned, hopelessly, with your bottom lip between your teeth.
Her hand trailed up your arm, squeezing. “My lucky charm…” She muttered, thoughtfully.
“I’m all yours.” You lean close to her lips, glancing at them. “And you’re all mine.”
Neither of you were able to finish the dinner while it was hot.
#🪅#millersfinest#ellie williams#lesbian#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams x reader#ellie tlou#ellie williams fluff#lgbtq#ellie williams smut
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Desire Catcher (2023) - Luo Fei & Lu Fengping
#desire catcher#luo fei#lu fengping#zheng yecheng#xin yunlai#cdramasource#desire catcher spoilers#(though for once I hope my gifs are grainy enough that you might not be able to tell who that is if you haven't watched the show yet)#btw no gifset could do justice to the way lf's voice cracks when he says the line in that second gif#I will never recover#cdramaedit#fun fact:#my working title for this file was#hey look how hard I can CRY#and also just#grief#it's been a really tough week and I displaced all of my extreme emotions onto this gifset lol#this show truly fucked me up in the most cathartic way#anyway this has been:#tmi in the tags
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Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches
#random pet post#it really is a weird coat pattern#I'm never sure if I should describe him accurately as a white marked tabby or as the first impression people get of a black and white cat#love his little backward C's#I got all my other pets around the same time and they've been dying off one by one this last year or so#I'm down to just this 4yo kit and Bruiser#actually I'm not done whispering in the tags#pretty soon it's just gonna be me and this terrible little man against the world#and he gives me such weird problems you cannot even begin to imagine#took to the leash and harness without a bit of difficulty but I can't take him anywhere cuz he freaks out about people 500ft away#really difficult to find sitters for him cuz he gets so stressed about changes and waits until 3am to SCREAM#he's 17 lbs and wants to sleep on my chest 14 hours a day#took him on a work trip a week or 2 ago cuz of aforementioned petsitting troubles and some kind of wire got crossed#so instead of stress peeing in my laundry basket he now humps the nearest blanket covered limb to alert me of problems#he got scared of his water dish recently and is only now starting to get over it after 3 weeks of drama#he knocked it over last night and humped my leg while I tried to sleep to try and convey to me that he was thirsty#I'm thinking of getting a second cat and just fucking hoping that it'll be normal and maybe Prompto can target it for some of his weirdness
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more vaguely animal crossing inspired designs for jjk characters, this time featuring shi-woo and higuruma
melanistic fox shi-woo idea courtesy of my good friend @duesternis
#yumi's art#jujutsu kaisen#kon shiu#gong shi woo#kong shiu#higuruma hiromi#hiromi higuruma#anthro#i still dont knoooowwww how to tag theeeese#i wanted to work on my comic this week tbh#but unfortunately i fucked my back somehow#so now im kinda recovering#and experimenting with drawing setups that arent too bad#havent really found one yet :/#this one seems to be easier on my back#but i dont feel as comfortable drawing details#so for now ill just doodle stuff#and hope it gets better#and also buy myself a new chair god
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hi everyone I miss you 🥺
#work has been so fucking overwhelming lately :((( had to report this Incident to HR now im waiting for them to talk to me#and im thinking something more serious might happen to the guy i made the report about cause he has other complaints#that are all quite serious#and i keep feeling really guilty cause i think it might lead to him getting fired but also#bro said multiple slurs AT WORK and then defended why he should be allowed to say them and he 'does it all the time' outside of work#so yeah fuck you dude. hope you get fucking fired.#i just hate that i had to be the one to say something cause now im like well. hes gonna know it was me. cause it happened twice#and the first time i was the only other person in the room other than his gf and obviously she doesnt care so she wouldnt say shit#and he has way more friends there than me so if he DOES get fired i have a feeling theyd all find out#which almost made me not say anything cause i really fucking like my job and i dont want it to become a hostile environment#but like ? bro defended himself for like 15 whole minutes about how much he doesnt give a fuck#so guess what dude ! i dont give a fuck either !#im hoping next week this gets resolved and i can be less stressed and come on here a bit more i miss looking at Images :(((#been missing all my friends' gifs and edits !!!! need to be more chronically online !!!! STAT !#i will catch up on my tag soon i prommy <33333333333#j.txt
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idk why but in the prandy P3 daughters au i feel like piper would have a girl first and then her boys (maybe twin boys? i'm just bullshitting here tbh)
Okay, so, I can genuinely guarantee that this over three thousand word outline is not what you intended when you sent this, but I got this and another ask about the prandy girls AU and decided that I needed to sketch this out to at least have an idea of what happens and who else are around the prandy girls and it... spiraled. I did put this under a read more because, like I said, over three thousand words. But to actually answer your question, and I guess spoilers for the outline ahead, Piper actually ends up with two girls: Proserpina "Prose" Patricia Halliwell and Petra Penelope Halliwell. (Abi, you may say with dismay, there's no way that Piper would name her daughter Proserpina and you're not wrong! Special circumstances apply for why she did, and I actually did initially begin to dive into the next gen girls' powers and personalities here as well before realizing it was way too long already, but that information is available if anyone cares lmao.)
I also had to break this up more because Tumblr yelled at me, so we have different headings.
The Beginning
I think that the first two seasons would still primarily shake out the same, besides Andy's death, since season two is still pretty episodic
instead of that unnamed Cupid in "Heartbreak City," however, it's Coop, who kind of just gently bullies Phoebe into admitting that she's afraid of love and of losing people. (we're gonna set the stage early here.)
Additionally, Prue and Andy are still not fully together yet (bc they had been, y'know, broken up when he died) so Coop reveals to Phoebe that he's there to help them but doesn't tell anyone else yet.
Anyways, Prue and Andy end up hooking up at one point and accidentally ends up pregnant around three quarters of the way through season two but we end season two with them finally committing to one another and Perri is born about halfway through season three
During season three, however, we first see the sisters go head-to-head with the Source. They try to vanquish him, and Prue goes down hard. The Power of Three doesn't work and they're about to die when they're suddenly beamed out, revealed to be Phoebe wishing she could've confessed her love to Coop before they died. (Look, we're doing very broad strokes here rn.)
The sisters are confused because that was the strongest spell and potion that they got, and Leo goes to talk to the Elders and says that there's something blocking the sisters from their full potential and Phoebe is like "okay, what does that mean" and Leo has no idea so that takes up the back half of season three as they try to discover what's blocking them.
Meanwhile, Prue, a new mother, is having this breakdown about how she nearly orphaned her daughter and lashes out and has her plot about dealing with all of this with Andy.
Anyways, at the end of season three, we finally figure out what's limiting their powers and spoiler alert:
it's because there's supposed to be a fourth sister with them: Paige
but the Source discovers this before the sisters do and attacks once again, and this time, they're slightly more prepared but something happens and Piper is (seemingly) killed while the Source is seriously weakened so he retreats.
The Power of Four
In reality, Piper has actually ended up between planes, alive in the place you're meant to go before you die. Also, as we later find out when Leo is tearfully confiding to probably Coop, she's pregnant as well. (This will be relevant to our Pleo kid.) The rest quickly figure out, however, that wherever Piper is, she's not in the Beyond like their mother or grandmother.
But anyways, Prue is furious and going after every demon like a madwoman and casting any and every spell to locate a sister. Phoebe, meanwhile, graduated at some point during season three and is adrift and unsure what to do. She starts working with social services to help people down on their luck, where she begins running into a chaotic young Berkley grad named Paige.
Meanwhile, Piper is trying to figure out a way home and starts casting her own spells to contact her sisters. She ends up in Paige's dreams, who at first dismisses it as just being lonely and wanting family as the anniversary of her parent's death approaches and being alone for it for the first time (as Glen is unable to get back to the States in time).
Paige is a bit creeped out when she first sees a picture of Piper and sees that she's identical to the woman in her dreams but continues to dismiss it as her wishing she had a sister like Phoebe.
Anyways, something happens and Prue and Phoebe realize that Paige is their sister and Paige realizes that she's a witch. (For this, they initially believe that she's a telepath since she's able to mentally connect with Piper through planes and displays this mental connection with all of the sisters, but it's later revealed to be a product of their collective power. Her actual primary power is photokinesis, the ability to create and manipulate light.)
There's some growing pains at first, but Prue, Phoebe, and Paige manage to connect with one another and discover a way to save Piper, which is something like at the height of All Hallow's Eve or whatever.
Anyway, they save Piper and the Power of Four is established.
Either during or soon after, Piper gives birth to her and Leo's daughter: Proserpina "Prose" Patricia Halliwell, named after the mysterious woman on the plane who helped Piper and likely gave her something to help her keep the pregnancy (a life growing where one is not meant to exist)(look, I wasn't intentionally trying to sketch out stuff here, we're just going with vibes now.
Prue is also pregnant again about halfway through the "getting Piper back" arc and, if Piper gives birth end of season four, Prue gives birth to Presley about half a season afterwards.
Now, back to the sisters. Let's say that Phoebe finally confesses to Coop and they deal with their feelings and are going strong. But the Source has been working to regain his strength, and so, we get some kind of enemy sent the sister's way. With the reveal of Paige's existence and Piper giving birth, the Source decides to try to divide the sisters to weaken them by targeting the most obvious weak link: Paige.
We Still Have a Demon Romance
With Piper's return, Paige feels unnecessary, like she was a placeholder only meant to hold the second sister's place until she came back. And it isn't helped by the fact that Piper came back and had a baby, Prue is now pregnant/close to having another baby, and Phoebe is dancing around Coop who may or may not have tried to set her up with someone else.
And Paige isn't impressive to the magical community, not like the original Charmed Ones and she doesn't know what she's doing yet, not really, so it doesn't go well. But there's someone who seems to like her and look up to her and they're a fellow witch (except they're actually a demon) and he gets her and understands her.
So instead of Phoebe, Paige gets a demon romance, except she doesn't know of course. And she learns more about magic and how to use it differently than anything her sisters had taught her and a lot of it is on the up-and-up for the most part but some of it just tilts Paige a bit of a different direction.
The saving grace is that Paige is also given a charge during this time, so her Whitelighter side is tugging at her consistently so her demon lover can't pull her too far, even if Paige doesn't know yet why some things he shows her she is instinctually repelled from. And through her Whitelighter side, she gets a charge, who also happens to have an infuriating parole officer named Henry.
They butt heads a lot but both care a lot about their charge, so slowly and reluctantly become friends against their will. But Paige's demon boyfriend is getting impatient at the lack of progress, especially because the Source is starting to get vexed and regaining his strength, so he kicks it up a notch by starting to steadily bewitch Paige, a la Phoebe in s4.
In the interest of having a backup, the Source also sends a demon to befriend the sisters, especially in an attempt to target the kids and Prue's pregnancy. (After all, what better way to destroy the sisters than from the inside?)
And it takes a minute, because everything has been so hectic with everything going on for the sisters (Piper going missing and then giving birth, Prue getting pregnant again, finding Paige, etc.) that they've kinda just been lingering with this chill atmosphere for once, but start to realize something is wrong with Paige.
Andy is the one to investigate and find out that something is off about the demon boyfriend, like how he did with Rex and Hannah in s1. An oracle or seer (depending on who we wanna add in here) warns the demon that his cover is blown before Andy can get to Prue, and he knows he's no match for the Charmed Ones, so he decides to try to forcibly turn Paige, and potentially the sisters, in one fell swoop through a Dark Wedding (like Zile marrying Prue in the canon s3.) To distract the sisters, he infects the sisters, Andy, Leo, and Coop with sin balls.
This has a two-fold purpose: one, I love Sin Francisco, so shoutout! Two, Phoebe gets infected with lust and Coop with envy. Coop is envious of the men that he's tried setting Phoebe up with, and Phoebe is. lusting after Coop, so. Under the influence of the sins, they have sex! (I'm sure you can see why this will be very important later on.)
Anyways, Henry, who the demon boyfriend (who I probably should've given a name tbh) had deemed unimportant, figures out that something is wrong with Paige and tries to go to the sisters to ask about her, only to be like what the fuck.
He ends up somehow helping them realize something is wrong blah blah and they all break their individual sin/remove their sin in the case of Prue.
Meanwhile, Paige and the demon boyfriend are seemingly about to get married but Paige just looks around dazed and asks softly where are my sisters? and he gives her some bullshit about how he's the only one that cares about her or whatever and then is blasted halfway across the room by a very furious Piper going get away from my sister!
(Imagine this as being the turning point between Piper and Paige's relationship since they'd been so iffy around each other because they had no idea who the other was and thought that the other was intended to be their replacement or whatever.)
Her sisters rush to her side and Phoebe hands her a potion and gently asks her to take it, sweetie, and Paige trusts her so she does and all of the demon's tricks fail when his enchanting is abruptly wiped from her sister. Paige hesitates only for a minute before joining her sisters in the vanquishing spell.
Also Henry finds out about magic from this and has to sit down.
And this has probably been going on for the about three quarters of the season and uhhh, Prue goes into labor at the end of all this and hi ya, Presley!
And they hustle her off to the hospital and- Oh my God, Prue is cradling Presley in her arms with Andy beaming next to her and they need a middle name and everyone's making suggestions and Prue kind of just looks up at Paige, who we'll say have bonded over Paige's love of art and Prue's experience with antiquities and art knowledge, and says Artemisia after Artemisia Gentileschi and Paige points out that's a big name for a girl to handle and if Prue's sure if she handle it and they're not really talking about the name at all but Prue says that she knows she'll be able to handle anything because she's so strong and brave and will always have her sisters.
And Paige beams and Piper and Leo are standing together and Phoebe goes and leans her head on Paige's shoulder in one of those cute sisterly moments and gets a premonition of, oh, about nineish months?
Congratulations, Paige, it's a demon-witch-Whitelighter hybrid!
(Phoebe does not tell them in that moment but definitely brings it up later.)
I Feel Like Everyone is Just Having a Kid RN Here
Anyways, we get a break from all the heavy plot stuff for a minute because Phoebe and Coop are. Not talking about what happened between them and Paige and Henry are being a little weird with each other and Prue is having a crisis with Andy about what if she goes and dies on her kids like her mom and Piper isn't sure if she and Leo will be able to have another kid after her experiences on the plane between life and death, and that's all just the romance and family side of things.
On the professional side of things, Prue is struggling with the desire to stay at 415 Magazine or move to the Bay Mirror to be able to be there on the streets seeing what's going on versus the glossy photoshoots that she's been doing. Piper, after quitting Quake, had basically been working as a caterer without the money to actually buy a physical location for her building but is taking the plunge on the restaurant. Phoebe has been working at social services with Paige but isn't sure what she actually wants to do. After an episode where something forced Phoebe into helping Prue at the Bay Mirror, she begins doing some editing work there, eventually taking on a column role. Paige meanwhile finally becomes a social worker.
But anyways, Paige is struggling with what happened, her deteriorating friendship with Henry, and her impending motherhood. She finally explodes on Henry calling him out for slowly drifting away and revealing how terrified she is of becoming a mother. The two reconcile when Henry tells her that, regardless of magic, he knows that she'll be a great mother because of the way that she cares for her charges and her work and promises to be there for her. There's also plenty of bonding with Prue during this time because Paige (and Henry) definitely have a plot about babysitting little Perri and Presley for "practice."
Meanwhile, Phoebe realizes about halfway through the season that she's pregnant and she and Coop finally have to sit down and talk about it. They confess their feelings but are concerned about the forbidden romance aspect of it. Despite that, with Phoebe being spectacularly less burned this time, they decide to try and pursue it anyways.
About halfway through season six, Paige goes into labor about the same time that a demon is attempting to devour ghosts' powers or something so we get an episode featuring Melinda Warren because Paige deserves to meet her too and Henry gets some magical shenanigans. Also some nice moments with Melinda commiserating with Paige about being tricked and how she, and her baby, are still Warrens. But anyways, Paige delivers not one little demon-witch-Whitelighter baby but two! (No one expected this. Phoebe's premonition helpfully left out Henry cradling the other baby.) Either way, we now have Lillith Prudence Matthews and Morgan Melinda Matthews!
Remember how I mentioned that the Source had a backup plan to befriend the sisters? Yeah, she's still here, slowly worming her way into their lives. Due to the twins' half-demon natures, she begins often volunteering to be a babysitter with the goal eventually being to turn them completely. None of the sisters expect anything as demonic activity begins ticking upward again and she becomes closer to their kids. It's her that lets it slip that Phoebe and Coop are in a forbidden romance soon before Phoebe's meant to give birth, and the Elders recall him to the Heavens in punishment.
Phoebe gives birth soon afterwards to Philomena "Mena" Cordelia Halliwell, naming her daughter after love and heart.
She challenges the Elders for him back, and with her sisters behind her, they falter enough that she's able to press them enough that they give her an option. She came to them on the claim of true love, and so it's that claim they'll make her prove herself on. If Phoebe is truly in love with Coop, she just has to find him. They'll send him back, no memories and in-disguise, but will guarantee that they'll be in a position to meet once more and interact. If she kisses him, it'll return his memories and they'll be free to be together. However, to prevent her from just kissing every guy she finds to try to find Coop, she has only once chance, and her next kiss will be the only chance she gets. (I did decide to add in a fairytale ass plot bc I can, thanks.) Phoebe accepts, and her romantic plot for the rest of the season and the beginning of the next is on finding Coop.
Meanwhile, the demon friend decides that if she's going to poison the Warren line of witches, why stop at only a set of twins when there could be a death-touched witch and the first ever Cupid-witch hybrid at her command? (She looks at Perri and Presley, fully witches born with no complications, and dismisses them. She is the first demon that will do this but will not be the last. Like her, others will learn that this is a mistake.) Knowing vaguely of the potion Piper took to be able to keep the pregnancy, the demon creates a fertility potion to give her to see if she'll be able to utilize another child's powers to even greater strengths. She gives it to Piper in the season six finale.
The Final Battle
During this time, the sisters begin to prepare for the final battle against the Source. Their last major battle at this was at the end of season three, and we're now at the beginning of season seven. The Source has fully recovered from their battle, and the sisters themselves are at full power with Piper recovered and Paige at their side.
Piper finds out she's pregnant again a few episodes into the season.
Phoebe finds Coop at the midseason finale, which is also when the demon friend is revealed to be a demon when she makes a move for the kids. Someone gets stabbed (idk who. Andy? Henry?) stopping her but is narrowly saved and the sisters vanquish her.
Phoebe and Coop get married around midseason as well, while Paige and Henry discuss if they want to take that step soon.
The sisters take on and vanquish the Source in the season finale once and for all, which is where I think the big storylines stop.
Shortly after the finale, Piper gives birth to Petra Penelope Halliwell. Phoebe and Coop may or may not have a second kid? Still undecided on that one. Paige and Henry move in together in the flashforward in the series finale and marry a year or two later. Andy and Prue have Pamela as the last next gen kid.
#charmed#asks#non canon next gen#idk if i even wanna tag the prandy girls in this bc this really is just a whole ass outline of what happens for seven seasons#and they're like babies for all of it#charmed aus#i guess i should give this au a name at this point?#i'm gonna go with where it started#prandy kids au#this was so much more of a deepdive than i intended fuck#i really hope that someone actually is interested in this bc like i said earlier. two weeks working on this.#i just love next gen man
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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the dnd scheduling horrors have kicked in early
#begging everyone to tell me when they're free for the fucking session 0#i'm halfway into group project mode where i'm really bossy about everything#and a little mean.#one of my friends keeps bringing up things THAT WE'LL DISCUSS IN THE SESSION 0#PLEASE. HAVE MERCY. I HAVE A LIST#I HAVE A LIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS#I HAVE BEEN COMPILING A LIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS IN THE SESSION 0 FOR WEEKS NOW#now she's like ''i need to finish writing something'' PLEASE#oh this is never gonna get done#we are probably never gonna actually play dnd. we're going to give it our best shot#i might be being dramatic but also it's realistic isn't it#okay hope and pray that my friend is available tonight#i suggested tonight it might actually work#persimmon's rambles#dnd tag#might as well go in there
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This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.
#.txt#long tags sorryyyyy#fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o#you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but#it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do.#fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how.#you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable#slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his#hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep.#and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally#click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him.#OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and#needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless#I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to#remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm#stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down#*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there
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Fuck I feel so dumb
#vent in the tags#she doesn't follow me anymore. why does such a simple thing hurt so much.#I'm mourning a relationship that barely even happened... but it feels so impossible to move on from...#I... really hate that I feel this way. it feels unfair to people I love now...#vaguing but do you ever instantly hit it off with someone and fall immediately in love but then fuck it up and become unable to interact#for like weeks. and she cared about you and you cared about her but it didn't work and it was your fault. and you try to move on...#but every fourth thought is about her and how much you wish she was in your arms and you in hers. and you love other people but not like he#like somehow this person you've only known for a week and a half is more important than anyone else but she's the one person you forced awa#and it's been weeks and you still can't say anything because you know you'd only hurt her. but what if you could make her understand?#but if she can't you'll just be hurting her over and over and you can't bring yourself to risk that. bc you love her#you love her too much to love her. cruel irony#and maybe if she wanted she'd text you. but maybe she's feeling the same way and is waiting for you. so you're torn#do you share your feelings honestly and risk hurting her or leave her alone and risk hurting...#would it be better if you made yourself the bad guy? would she hurt less if she believed you were as bad as you think you were?#would it be better if you told her a lie. that you moved on. that you didn't love her anymore. or would it break her heart?#all I want is for her to be happy. and I know I can't give her that...#and she shared her struggles to feel worthy... and I KNOW she's worth it all and more... a million times more than I could ever give her...#I feel like I gave her false hope and broke her even worse... she said I didn't hurt her. I don't believe her but I really hope it's true#I think I'll be thinking about her forever. wondering “what if”s till I die
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feeling extra lonely tonight
#tryign to make friends at work is hard esp when u hardly see each other bc schedule/dept conflicts#havent seen this guy im trying to ask out in like a week and a half and last i saw him we talked like 2 minutes bc we were both on the clock#n the other friend im making i usually just see at the tail end of my shift cuz they start later#n now that im working books i just dont see anyone. periodt#im not the kind to abandon my post to visit a dept i have no business in so its always like. well i sure hope we see each other !#MIGHT see one tomo if im lucky im gonna try to make conversation for more than 2 min this time wish me luck#if i dont see him i wont for like . another week#maybe longer#what was my personal tag again#''but marrow you can make friends in places that arent work'' thats so much HARDER#and ive tried. maybe not enough times but it sucks cuz most ppl just dont really pique my interest#too many times there have been ppl at work i have been interested in getting to know but i wasnt proactive enough abt interacting w them#and then they stop working there and its like whelp never seeing them again#so im trying to be more forward and active when i like someone. its fucking HARD but its working i think. maybe#''marrow what abt those opportunities youve had to hang out with new ppl that were enjoyable''#well thank you for asking dear voice in my head; those ppl i met were nice but they were not really ppl i was interested in knowing. ty#i am just an unlovable little prick surrounded by equally unlovable people
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Tag talk
#hey beans#going old school tag rambles here - not NSP related#just that I might a lil quiet over the next couple of weeks as I 'lost' an agreement with a friend#i agreed back in july/august last year that if i didn't manage to get 6 hours or more of sleep on 2 consecutive nights#across the next 8months then I'd go back to sleeping tablets#(just over the counter stuffs nothing dramatic dw)#i really thought i had the winning side of the agreement ngl but they reminded me this week :/#I also am still training the new person so work hours are long atm#and im almost losing my voice from explaining things#and the added gravel/depth to my voice makes it so tempting to continue fucking my voice up#i wont - but god its tempting#but if im gonna be working the hours i do and actually sleeping Imma have less time to make stuff for here :'(#especially for the first couple of weeks while i adjust to the loss of hrs in the day#Im also looking after my friends cats across the next week and doing boat construction and have a commission to make as well as my 9-6 job#okay it sounds like a lot when you list it but its not really (or at least not when you dont sleep...)#anyway i hope to be able to make some original content for here but i cant promise#sorry Beans#<3 <3 <3
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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i feel like my executive functioning is getting better. i still have a long way to go, and i still feel overwhelmed when i think of all the things that need done that i haven't gotten to. but we're getting there.
#i also haven't been on my meds which is HUGE#really dont like being on adderall and cant get vyvanse so im trying to not be on anything#again i still am struggling with certain things but im making progress and trying to get better.#hoping to finish deep cleaning the kitchen tomorrow#and maybe this week I'll get caught up on laundry finally#also need to brush the cat...#still struggling with figuring out how ppl have time for all these things they gotta juggle#i just accepted a volunteer social media position with a local lgbt group and im really afraid of fucking it up.#it's luckily pretty low pressure but this is the first big step towards building a portfolio and im scared!!!!#im also working on certifications and trying to go to the gym regularly and socialize and idk man! it's a little overwhelming at times!#this is a lot of tag rambling im sorry its really late and i can't sleep!#moral of the story is we're getting better it's just hard!
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