#I really hope the fucking tags work this week

[monbons]

Stitchy Sunday Musings

Thanks for the tag @thewholelemon. I also don't really have an update, but I did have a bit of a reflection I wanted to share today that I hope will speak to some of you---and selfishly---also keep me motivated on the days that are hard. So, with that, story time...

Exactly a year ago, I started my doll-stitching journey and the very first set of dolls I ever gifted were mermaids. I was inspired by @iamamythologicalcreature's gorgeous mer-May art.

This first set was entirely hand stitched because I did not have a sewing machine, nor did I think making dolls would become something I actively pursued in any real way. It was just something I did for fun---a way to channel my creative energy when the words wouldn't come while also paying tribute to some of my favorite fics and their authors.

Fast-forward to my newest dolls and the growth is almost unbelievable. You can see aspects of my final style in my very first dolls, but everything about this last set has evolved. This particular set represents just over 24 hours of work (a significant chunk of them on that tail that boasts 600+ hand-sewn sequins). I also experimented with new hair textures and colors, and apparently, I embroider eyebrows now. (As if making the eyes symmetrical wasn't hard enough!)

It may sound like I am boasting. I swear I am not. Instead, I wanted to post this because this is just one year of committing to a thing and working really fucking hard at it. It is also the kind of visible "success" that is so hard to get elsewhere.

When I first started contributing to fandom, it was as a writer. If your primary contribution to fandom is writing, it can be really hard to do a side-by-side comparison like this. As a result, we often rely on measures of growth or success that can be compared: kudos, reblogs, and comments obviously, but also word counts, fics published per year, etc. Honestly? None of those are reliable (and dare I say worthy?) measures of how beautiful a piece of work is, let alone a journey of growth and joy. It isn't to say they don't have their place, but "the numbers" aren't everything...and they can often feel disheartening.

Anyway, I've been feeling really down on myself recently for a whole host of reasons, but a huge contributor is that I've been having so much trouble with writing. For weeks, "the numbers" have haunted me. Not just the public numbers (I've wanted to scream into a pillow about kudos and likes more than once this year), but the private ones (I'm "behind" on words from this same point last year).

And then I took this humble doll offering to a book signing this past week and the author cried tears of joy, which made me cry. Several people in the signing line gasped when they held up my little merman and his love. Several others came up and talked to me about my art and wanted to know more. For the first time in months, I felt really proud of something I had made, and I guess this post is about holding on to that feeling. When I made these dolls, I wasn't trying to meet some external metric or creating for audience consumption. I wasn't even sure I would post my dolls anywhere since this isn't SnowBaz. I was simply making for the joy of it, and that night, which cannot be quantified in likes or comments or numbers of any kind, filled me up in a way I desperately needed.

Anyway, if you are still with me after this long ramble, thank you. Like I said, it was mostly for me. I wanted to remember that the beauty of my work actually can't be measured, no matter how much I try to do so. That I may not always be lucky enough to see the impact on others like I did with these dolls, but that doesn't make the effort any less valuable. And most of all, that none of that is the point. I wanted to make these dolls, I enjoyed making these dolls, and I am getting better at it because making dolls makes me happy. I needed to remember that. And if that was the case for me, I figured someone else might need to remember it too.

It feels weird to tag people in this, but hellos and high-fives from the philosophical doll factory anyway. May your creative endeavors bring you joy today and every day.

@alexalexinii, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @aristocratic-otter, @arthurkko, @artsyunderstudy, @bachusekart, @best--dress, @blackberrysummerblog, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @bookish-bogwitch, @confused-bi-queer, @cutestkilla, @drowninginships, @emeryhall, @facewithoutheart, @harrie-leithillustration, @hushed-chorus, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ic3que3n, @ileadacharmedlife, @katatsumuli, @larkral, @letraspal, @mooncello, @noblecorgi, @orange-peony, @prettygoododds, @raenestee, @rbkzz, @roomwithanopenfire, @run-for-chamo-miles, @rimeswithpurple, @shrekgogurt, @skeedelvee, @stitchyqueer, @supercutedinosaurs, @talentpiper11, @the-beard-of-edward-teach, @twinkle-twinkle-up-above, @theimpossibledemon, @thewholelemon, @wellbelesbian, @whatevertheweather, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold, @jyae23, @j-trow-95

[backhurtyy]

the pain in my vein is hereditary dynasty by rina sawayama // the hobbit + the lord of the rings

[cassiskurocorner]

Try not to make Sebastian have heated eye contact with another man challenge (Impossible edition)

[riboku]

happy tanabemas @birdmenmanga! — prompt roue's eyes + vocaloid producer nulut

Roue, your right eye is so pretty. It's the color of the sky.

[qpjianghu]

Desire Catcher (2023) - Luo Fei & Lu Fengping

[crescentmoonrider]

more vaguely animal crossing inspired designs for jjk characters, this time featuring shi-woo and higuruma

melanistic fox shi-woo idea courtesy of my good friend @duesternis

[kohakhearts]

im still pretty fresh out the psych ward so i have some pretty bad writers block as you can probably imagine however i have also been coping with my suicidal depression slash burn-out induced leave from work by watching shitty christmas romcoms. and im not at a point yet where i can Write the fic so bear with me while i just get the plot bunny hopping here. or whatever

so anyway im brainstorming all the sickening holiday tropes i can that i can feasibly put two guys who are in the most intense fake dating gay chicken relationship you can imagine before one of them breaks and goes ok you got me i actually liked it when you grabbed my ass and called me darling or whatever. obviously it’ll take a lot to get to that point because the pride is bigger than the ego or something like that so i’m open to suggestions here but. so far ive got

ice skating. timeless classic. character a sucks and keeps falling on their ass and character b is, for some stupid reason, a total pro at this and is going to do all the waist-grabbing-slash-hand-holding-slash-laughing-at-character-a that that necessitates. probably pretty obvious who is the bitch who cannot skate and who is the one laughing at him. and also catching him when he falls and being a total jerk about it. because isn’t that just a wholesome mental image

the quintessential only one bed obviously. this has more to do with the circumstances of the plot in my head than it being christmastime specifically but the holiday rush factors in there somewhere. never mind the whole fake dating angle

the whole Thing is christmas parties and whats a christmas party without a) too much wine and b) some well-placed mistletoe. and yeah maybe c) some stupid matching ugly christmas sweaters. i will never get sick of that one

gingerbread house decorating. but theyre forced to be collaborative about it. someone dies. its the most godawful gingerbread house anyone has ever seen. but thats really damaging to their prides so they really get their shit together for a beautiful 15 or so minutes and kind of make it look better and still lose the competition anyway because 15 minutes of harmony does not negate 45 minutes of throwing candy at each other like bullets. with the very real intention of Causing Pain

some kind of excuse to have them walk around together with a group of people in the evening when its dark and they can admire the christmas lights. whether it’s some kind of holiday charity work or just seeing the christmas lights or, god forbid, carolling, there is something to be said about the experience of slipping on a patch of ice on a cold winters night and having the worst time of your life because your so-called boyfriend think its hilarious that you just ate total shit. thats romance babey

last-minute christmas shopping…already a nightmare ordeal but now you have to do it because you and your fake boyfriend need to bring a joint gift to a christmas party but you cant agree on anything, ever. they are getting kicked out of no fewer than 5 stores guaranteed

ok i think im all out of holiday torture scenarios but well. i’m sure i’ll be back. ideally with actual writing but everyone is telling me to take small steps so. we’ll get there if we get there and if not then that’s ok too

[bookrat]

Pretty sure my little man has a case of abundism affecting the marble tabby coat under all those white splotches

[simsreaper]

Hiatus Announcement(long post sorry!! I like to yap) (TLDR at the bottom)

Hey yall, is it too late to say happy new year?? 🤨 I'm going on hiatus for some time, not entirely sure how long tbh. I've been wanting to fix my game and do a whole cc clean out of both mods and cc(especially cc) and give my game a good refresher so it can run good and decent and making playing it enjoyable. The simulation lag I experience sometimes pisses me off. I've also been playing a lot of sims 2 for the past 2 months and recently got back into sims 4 after updating the game and my mods so if you still want to see me active, feel free to check out my tagged blogs in my pinned post. I will still be posting on this account here and there(aka reblogging other people's posts) but I won't be doing any posts of my own until I'm satisfied with the state of my game.

I also want to add that I am officially retiring all my saves EXCEPT FOR THE HIX CHALLENGE, I literally can not abandon Pandora like that and I love her and the kids way too much. I'll most likely end up adding another save(JUST ONE, I SWEAR IT), it'll probably be a random legacy challenge.

Unfortunately, I'm most likely retiring my story saves, Wild Wild West and New Plum Grove, either forever or for the definite future. I wanted to work on the storytelling and plan them both out better and also make poses of my own that fit my stories better but never got around to spending time to do that so those will definitely not be coming back anytime soon(or ever???). My BACC is most likely going on hiatus but Cosmic Legacy and DITFT are definitely being retired, I am just bored with those saves and it's been quite some time so I don't think the energy is coming back for those. Maybe in the future I'll restart them.

I've also been wanting to redo my editing style for posts to be similar to how I edit my sims 4 gameplay and also how other simmers edit their sims 3 & 4 gameplay so expect when HIX comes back that it'll look a bit different in posting style than before.

I'm also back in school now and it's my last semester so I'm definitely going to be pretty busy and have low energy for going cc shopping and doing mod updates...but I'm going to hope that I'll be back by the end of the year! Fingers crossed!

TLDR: Going on hiatus for an indefinite time, I'll still be active on this blog with reblogging posts. My game needs the biggest refresh ever and I'm starting over with CC and some mods.

[jwooyoung]

hi everyone I miss you 🥺

[paigemathews]

idk why but in the prandy P3 daughters au i feel like piper would have a girl first and then her boys (maybe twin boys? i'm just bullshitting here tbh)

Okay, so, I can genuinely guarantee that this over three thousand word outline is not what you intended when you sent this, but I got this and another ask about the prandy girls AU and decided that I needed to sketch this out to at least have an idea of what happens and who else are around the prandy girls and it... spiraled. I did put this under a read more because, like I said, over three thousand words. But to actually answer your question, and I guess spoilers for the outline ahead, Piper actually ends up with two girls: Proserpina "Prose" Patricia Halliwell and Petra Penelope Halliwell. (Abi, you may say with dismay, there's no way that Piper would name her daughter Proserpina and you're not wrong! Special circumstances apply for why she did, and I actually did initially begin to dive into the next gen girls' powers and personalities here as well before realizing it was way too long already, but that information is available if anyone cares lmao.)

I also had to break this up more because Tumblr yelled at me, so we have different headings.

The Beginning

I think that the first two seasons would still primarily shake out the same, besides Andy's death, since season two is still pretty episodic

instead of that unnamed Cupid in "Heartbreak City," however, it's Coop, who kind of just gently bullies Phoebe into admitting that she's afraid of love and of losing people. (we're gonna set the stage early here.)

Additionally, Prue and Andy are still not fully together yet (bc they had been, y'know, broken up when he died) so Coop reveals to Phoebe that he's there to help them but doesn't tell anyone else yet.

Anyways, Prue and Andy end up hooking up at one point and accidentally ends up pregnant around three quarters of the way through season two but we end season two with them finally committing to one another and Perri is born about halfway through season three

During season three, however, we first see the sisters go head-to-head with the Source. They try to vanquish him, and Prue goes down hard. The Power of Three doesn't work and they're about to die when they're suddenly beamed out, revealed to be Phoebe wishing she could've confessed her love to Coop before they died. (Look, we're doing very broad strokes here rn.)

The sisters are confused because that was the strongest spell and potion that they got, and Leo goes to talk to the Elders and says that there's something blocking the sisters from their full potential and Phoebe is like "okay, what does that mean" and Leo has no idea so that takes up the back half of season three as they try to discover what's blocking them.

Meanwhile, Prue, a new mother, is having this breakdown about how she nearly orphaned her daughter and lashes out and has her plot about dealing with all of this with Andy.

Anyways, at the end of season three, we finally figure out what's limiting their powers and spoiler alert:

it's because there's supposed to be a fourth sister with them: Paige

but the Source discovers this before the sisters do and attacks once again, and this time, they're slightly more prepared but something happens and Piper is (seemingly) killed while the Source is seriously weakened so he retreats.

The Power of Four

In reality, Piper has actually ended up between planes, alive in the place you're meant to go before you die. Also, as we later find out when Leo is tearfully confiding to probably Coop, she's pregnant as well. (This will be relevant to our Pleo kid.) The rest quickly figure out, however, that wherever Piper is, she's not in the Beyond like their mother or grandmother.

But anyways, Prue is furious and going after every demon like a madwoman and casting any and every spell to locate a sister. Phoebe, meanwhile, graduated at some point during season three and is adrift and unsure what to do. She starts working with social services to help people down on their luck, where she begins running into a chaotic young Berkley grad named Paige.

Meanwhile, Piper is trying to figure out a way home and starts casting her own spells to contact her sisters. She ends up in Paige's dreams, who at first dismisses it as just being lonely and wanting family as the anniversary of her parent's death approaches and being alone for it for the first time (as Glen is unable to get back to the States in time).

Paige is a bit creeped out when she first sees a picture of Piper and sees that she's identical to the woman in her dreams but continues to dismiss it as her wishing she had a sister like Phoebe.

Anyways, something happens and Prue and Phoebe realize that Paige is their sister and Paige realizes that she's a witch. (For this, they initially believe that she's a telepath since she's able to mentally connect with Piper through planes and displays this mental connection with all of the sisters, but it's later revealed to be a product of their collective power. Her actual primary power is photokinesis, the ability to create and manipulate light.)

There's some growing pains at first, but Prue, Phoebe, and Paige manage to connect with one another and discover a way to save Piper, which is something like at the height of All Hallow's Eve or whatever.

Anyway, they save Piper and the Power of Four is established.

Either during or soon after, Piper gives birth to her and Leo's daughter: Proserpina "Prose" Patricia Halliwell, named after the mysterious woman on the plane who helped Piper and likely gave her something to help her keep the pregnancy (a life growing where one is not meant to exist)(look, I wasn't intentionally trying to sketch out stuff here, we're just going with vibes now.

Prue is also pregnant again about halfway through the "getting Piper back" arc and, if Piper gives birth end of season four, Prue gives birth to Presley about half a season afterwards.

Now, back to the sisters. Let's say that Phoebe finally confesses to Coop and they deal with their feelings and are going strong. But the Source has been working to regain his strength, and so, we get some kind of enemy sent the sister's way. With the reveal of Paige's existence and Piper giving birth, the Source decides to try to divide the sisters to weaken them by targeting the most obvious weak link: Paige.

We Still Have a Demon Romance

With Piper's return, Paige feels unnecessary, like she was a placeholder only meant to hold the second sister's place until she came back. And it isn't helped by the fact that Piper came back and had a baby, Prue is now pregnant/close to having another baby, and Phoebe is dancing around Coop who may or may not have tried to set her up with someone else.

And Paige isn't impressive to the magical community, not like the original Charmed Ones and she doesn't know what she's doing yet, not really, so it doesn't go well. But there's someone who seems to like her and look up to her and they're a fellow witch (except they're actually a demon) and he gets her and understands her.

So instead of Phoebe, Paige gets a demon romance, except she doesn't know of course. And she learns more about magic and how to use it differently than anything her sisters had taught her and a lot of it is on the up-and-up for the most part but some of it just tilts Paige a bit of a different direction.

The saving grace is that Paige is also given a charge during this time, so her Whitelighter side is tugging at her consistently so her demon lover can't pull her too far, even if Paige doesn't know yet why some things he shows her she is instinctually repelled from. And through her Whitelighter side, she gets a charge, who also happens to have an infuriating parole officer named Henry.

They butt heads a lot but both care a lot about their charge, so slowly and reluctantly become friends against their will. But Paige's demon boyfriend is getting impatient at the lack of progress, especially because the Source is starting to get vexed and regaining his strength, so he kicks it up a notch by starting to steadily bewitch Paige, a la Phoebe in s4.

In the interest of having a backup, the Source also sends a demon to befriend the sisters, especially in an attempt to target the kids and Prue's pregnancy. (After all, what better way to destroy the sisters than from the inside?)

And it takes a minute, because everything has been so hectic with everything going on for the sisters (Piper going missing and then giving birth, Prue getting pregnant again, finding Paige, etc.) that they've kinda just been lingering with this chill atmosphere for once, but start to realize something is wrong with Paige.

Andy is the one to investigate and find out that something is off about the demon boyfriend, like how he did with Rex and Hannah in s1. An oracle or seer (depending on who we wanna add in here) warns the demon that his cover is blown before Andy can get to Prue, and he knows he's no match for the Charmed Ones, so he decides to try to forcibly turn Paige, and potentially the sisters, in one fell swoop through a Dark Wedding (like Zile marrying Prue in the canon s3.) To distract the sisters, he infects the sisters, Andy, Leo, and Coop with sin balls.

This has a two-fold purpose: one, I love Sin Francisco, so shoutout! Two, Phoebe gets infected with lust and Coop with envy. Coop is envious of the men that he's tried setting Phoebe up with, and Phoebe is. lusting after Coop, so. Under the influence of the sins, they have sex! (I'm sure you can see why this will be very important later on.)

Anyways, Henry, who the demon boyfriend (who I probably should've given a name tbh) had deemed unimportant, figures out that something is wrong with Paige and tries to go to the sisters to ask about her, only to be like what the fuck.

He ends up somehow helping them realize something is wrong blah blah and they all break their individual sin/remove their sin in the case of Prue.

Meanwhile, Paige and the demon boyfriend are seemingly about to get married but Paige just looks around dazed and asks softly where are my sisters? and he gives her some bullshit about how he's the only one that cares about her or whatever and then is blasted halfway across the room by a very furious Piper going get away from my sister!

(Imagine this as being the turning point between Piper and Paige's relationship since they'd been so iffy around each other because they had no idea who the other was and thought that the other was intended to be their replacement or whatever.)

Her sisters rush to her side and Phoebe hands her a potion and gently asks her to take it, sweetie, and Paige trusts her so she does and all of the demon's tricks fail when his enchanting is abruptly wiped from her sister. Paige hesitates only for a minute before joining her sisters in the vanquishing spell.

Also Henry finds out about magic from this and has to sit down.

And this has probably been going on for the about three quarters of the season and uhhh, Prue goes into labor at the end of all this and hi ya, Presley!

And they hustle her off to the hospital and- Oh my God, Prue is cradling Presley in her arms with Andy beaming next to her and they need a middle name and everyone's making suggestions and Prue kind of just looks up at Paige, who we'll say have bonded over Paige's love of art and Prue's experience with antiquities and art knowledge, and says Artemisia after Artemisia Gentileschi and Paige points out that's a big name for a girl to handle and if Prue's sure if she handle it and they're not really talking about the name at all but Prue says that she knows she'll be able to handle anything because she's so strong and brave and will always have her sisters.

And Paige beams and Piper and Leo are standing together and Phoebe goes and leans her head on Paige's shoulder in one of those cute sisterly moments and gets a premonition of, oh, about nineish months?

Congratulations, Paige, it's a demon-witch-Whitelighter hybrid!

(Phoebe does not tell them in that moment but definitely brings it up later.)

I Feel Like Everyone is Just Having a Kid RN Here

Anyways, we get a break from all the heavy plot stuff for a minute because Phoebe and Coop are. Not talking about what happened between them and Paige and Henry are being a little weird with each other and Prue is having a crisis with Andy about what if she goes and dies on her kids like her mom and Piper isn't sure if she and Leo will be able to have another kid after her experiences on the plane between life and death, and that's all just the romance and family side of things.

On the professional side of things, Prue is struggling with the desire to stay at 415 Magazine or move to the Bay Mirror to be able to be there on the streets seeing what's going on versus the glossy photoshoots that she's been doing. Piper, after quitting Quake, had basically been working as a caterer without the money to actually buy a physical location for her building but is taking the plunge on the restaurant. Phoebe has been working at social services with Paige but isn't sure what she actually wants to do. After an episode where something forced Phoebe into helping Prue at the Bay Mirror, she begins doing some editing work there, eventually taking on a column role. Paige meanwhile finally becomes a social worker.

But anyways, Paige is struggling with what happened, her deteriorating friendship with Henry, and her impending motherhood. She finally explodes on Henry calling him out for slowly drifting away and revealing how terrified she is of becoming a mother. The two reconcile when Henry tells her that, regardless of magic, he knows that she'll be a great mother because of the way that she cares for her charges and her work and promises to be there for her. There's also plenty of bonding with Prue during this time because Paige (and Henry) definitely have a plot about babysitting little Perri and Presley for "practice."

Meanwhile, Phoebe realizes about halfway through the season that she's pregnant and she and Coop finally have to sit down and talk about it. They confess their feelings but are concerned about the forbidden romance aspect of it. Despite that, with Phoebe being spectacularly less burned this time, they decide to try and pursue it anyways.

About halfway through season six, Paige goes into labor about the same time that a demon is attempting to devour ghosts' powers or something so we get an episode featuring Melinda Warren because Paige deserves to meet her too and Henry gets some magical shenanigans. Also some nice moments with Melinda commiserating with Paige about being tricked and how she, and her baby, are still Warrens. But anyways, Paige delivers not one little demon-witch-Whitelighter baby but two! (No one expected this. Phoebe's premonition helpfully left out Henry cradling the other baby.) Either way, we now have Lillith Prudence Matthews and Morgan Melinda Matthews!

Remember how I mentioned that the Source had a backup plan to befriend the sisters? Yeah, she's still here, slowly worming her way into their lives. Due to the twins' half-demon natures, she begins often volunteering to be a babysitter with the goal eventually being to turn them completely. None of the sisters expect anything as demonic activity begins ticking upward again and she becomes closer to their kids. It's her that lets it slip that Phoebe and Coop are in a forbidden romance soon before Phoebe's meant to give birth, and the Elders recall him to the Heavens in punishment.

Phoebe gives birth soon afterwards to Philomena "Mena" Cordelia Halliwell, naming her daughter after love and heart.

She challenges the Elders for him back, and with her sisters behind her, they falter enough that she's able to press them enough that they give her an option. She came to them on the claim of true love, and so it's that claim they'll make her prove herself on. If Phoebe is truly in love with Coop, she just has to find him. They'll send him back, no memories and in-disguise, but will guarantee that they'll be in a position to meet once more and interact. If she kisses him, it'll return his memories and they'll be free to be together. However, to prevent her from just kissing every guy she finds to try to find Coop, she has only once chance, and her next kiss will be the only chance she gets. (I did decide to add in a fairytale ass plot bc I can, thanks.) Phoebe accepts, and her romantic plot for the rest of the season and the beginning of the next is on finding Coop.

Meanwhile, the demon friend decides that if she's going to poison the Warren line of witches, why stop at only a set of twins when there could be a death-touched witch and the first ever Cupid-witch hybrid at her command? (She looks at Perri and Presley, fully witches born with no complications, and dismisses them. She is the first demon that will do this but will not be the last. Like her, others will learn that this is a mistake.) Knowing vaguely of the potion Piper took to be able to keep the pregnancy, the demon creates a fertility potion to give her to see if she'll be able to utilize another child's powers to even greater strengths. She gives it to Piper in the season six finale.

The Final Battle

During this time, the sisters begin to prepare for the final battle against the Source. Their last major battle at this was at the end of season three, and we're now at the beginning of season seven. The Source has fully recovered from their battle, and the sisters themselves are at full power with Piper recovered and Paige at their side.

Piper finds out she's pregnant again a few episodes into the season.

Phoebe finds Coop at the midseason finale, which is also when the demon friend is revealed to be a demon when she makes a move for the kids. Someone gets stabbed (idk who. Andy? Henry?) stopping her but is narrowly saved and the sisters vanquish her.

Phoebe and Coop get married around midseason as well, while Paige and Henry discuss if they want to take that step soon.

The sisters take on and vanquish the Source in the season finale once and for all, which is where I think the big storylines stop.

Shortly after the finale, Piper gives birth to Petra Penelope Halliwell. Phoebe and Coop may or may not have a second kid? Still undecided on that one. Paige and Henry move in together in the flashforward in the series finale and marry a year or two later. Andy and Prue have Pamela as the last next gen kid.

[arionaleilani]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

[fishparasite]

the dnd scheduling horrors have kicked in early

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Unfortunately sometimes I know what will fix me and then I just don't do it. Anyway

[thassa]

i feel like my executive functioning is getting better. i still have a long way to go, and i still feel overwhelmed when i think of all the things that need done that i haven't gotten to. but we're getting there.

[simpjaes]

color coded ― l. hs

You were just browsing, looking at all of the various kinks and fantasies the great world wide web had to offer. It’s not like you intended to make an account on a specific website to meet someone. Really, you were just curious about what was behind the “only members can view this page” banner. What you definitely weren’t expecting was to be pulled into actually meeting one of the men behind said banner, or enjoying it so much that you’d like for him to hurt you more.  or the one where you join a kink website and a specific dom’s profile catches your attention enough to actually meet him at a hotel and practically ignore your safe words bc man, he’s good. 

minors dni !! | kindly leave feedback.

WORDCOUNT ― 8.7k

PAIRING ― heeseung x afab reader

CONTENT ― dom!heeseung, open minded sub!reader, smut, reader wants to explore her interests in kinks and finds the best person for the job

WARNINGS ― this is mildly cnc in some areas but reader does want it and there are safe words (colors) but she intentionally doesn’t use them. she’s having fun.

NOTE ― if you’ve read this before it’s bc i wrote it on @/ncteez for johnny ages ago! SHOUT OUT TO MY BELOVED PATREON BABES!! They voted that the member I revamp this for be Heeseung, so now everyone gets another Heeseung work from me :D

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― MONSTER COCK HEESEUNG AGENDA, reader is referred to as: “sweetheart”, "baby”, “dirty girl”, “pain slut”, and “plaything”, face fucking, bulge kink but like– via throat, choking, drooling, dirty talk, slapping, restraining, suffocation, degrading, praise, panty sucking, brief oral for the reader, teasing, short lived thigh fucking, cream pie, cock-drunk reader, biting, abuse of breasts, orgasm via nipple stimulation, clit abuse, hair pulling, fingering, overstimulation, Heeseung is kind of a sadist at times, unprotected sex, aftercare

 ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You joined this website out of curiosity, and you also messaged user SayPlease out of curiosity. You said please to him, you thanked him, you used all of those manners you grew up learning in a way that they were never intended for, and…well, it worked. 

Truly, it was because you were curious and you had no intentions of actually doing it. You wanted to try out some fantasies in the safety of your own room, alone. You wanted to keep it under wraps and just see how your body reacts to the words and images the people on this website offer. You were expecting your body to react at least a little bit, but you weren’t expecting to have one of the best orgasms of your life guided by his words through a muffled speaker. 

Heeseung knew you were new to this, he knew you were just exploring, and most of all, he knew he could control you. After all, you did so well during that first phone call. He’s truly not surprised that you were willing to meet with him in person after a short week or so of communicating. 

All of them eventually want the same thing, you’re no different. 

 ・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Pulling up to the hotel felt ill-fitting for you considering this isn’t something you’d normally do. No, of course not. Why would you go out and meet some random man you met on a fetish website? Why would you be wearing the prettiest panties you own in hopes to get some praise for them? Why would you have been the one to suggest meeting him in the midst of a sexting session where he sent you the most delicious image of his hand squeezing around his cock, texting that he knew you’d do a great job of choking it? 

Why you, right? No one needs to know that answer. This is a private affair, one where only you and Heeseung know what’s going to happen. You’re nervous, based on how he speaks to you alone. You keep forgetting how new you are to all of this. Some rules you know are in place, but what about other things? Will he explain? Will he sit you down and make you sign a contract like what happened in that one book everyone was raving about? 

The walk from your car to the room with dainty metal numbers screwed into the door felt like it took ages. You didn’t have a key, and you were a bit early for this meeting but the anxiety bubbling in your gut said that if you didn’t do this now, you’d probably have already been pulling out to drive home and pretend this never happened.

He was already behind that door though, and only when he starts opening it do you realize that never once have you seen his face. You’ve heard his voice, you’ve seen his body, but never his face. He, on the other hand, never saw you at all, he only heard you. 

Is this how this type of thing usually goes down? Are appearances not part of the fun? Suddenly, you find yourself worried that he’s only going to be attractive from the neck down, which would ruin it for you, if you’re being honest.

On instinct you back away from the door, ready to run back to your car and delete your profile, block his number, and erase this endeavor from your memory but when he comes into view,, you find yourself freezing on the spot.

Messy dark hair, somewhat soft eyes, taller than you, pretty smile. This man looks exactly like a dom that would talk to you the way he already has. It doesn’t match the face you imagined on him though. Hardened eyes, a grimace on his lips, something along the lines of a person who probably carries themself as some type of cocky prick with a huge ego to match his cock. But no, this is what Heeseung looks like. He looks…soft, and almost compassionate if you’re reading his facial expression right.

He doesn’t say anything to you at first, he just watches your reaction to his face reveal all while he takes in what you look like for the first time. He liked the surprise of it all, not knowing what his next partner actually looks like until he’s about to have them on their knees. He’s had all sorts of partners fulfill his fantasy without the expectation that he would want them too, after all, it’s about the pleasure and not entirely the attraction in his mind. You, however, are incredibly attractive. What a perfect little pair of eyes to match that whining voice of yours that he’s heard so much of. He imagines how much better you’d look while crying..

“There she is.” He says warmly, stepping to the side and letting you into the room. “More beautiful than I could have hoped for.” 

Already you’re blushing as you step into the room, deciding once and for all that, yeah, you’re doing this. His confidence in complimenting you matches the way he talked to you before, except now he’s in front of you and looking at you. It hits you straight in the stomach, even as you still try to comprehend his kind words versus the ones he growled through the speaker at you just days ago.

You’re silent as you take your shoes off and stand awkwardly in front of the made-up, plush, probably half-assed cleaned hotel bed. 

“You’re nervous?” He chuckles out, locking the door behind him and walking over to casually sit on the bed. His legs fall open easily as he looks down at himself, then up at you through the messy fringe falling in front of his eyes. “You can still back out, you know.”

You shake your head, struggling not to make eye contact with him. 

“Are there like–” You’re embarrassed by how nervous you are, unable to string together a sentence or try to keep this calm and casual. 

“Hm? Go on, I’m not going to do anything until you’re sure you want it.” He smiles, cocking his head to the side and trailing his eyes up and down your body. He really can’t stop looking at you, hoping that you’ll let him have his way. The memory of how you sounded on the phone flooding his mind as he puts your face to the moaning voice over and over again. He remembers how wet you sounded, he could hear you fuck yourself so clearly. 

“Rules. Are there any rules?” 

Heeseung darts his eyes to the ceiling in thought. Right, he knows you’re new but– damn is he selfish. 

“If you want rules, we can set them now. A safe word is good,” He pauses, reaching to grab at your hand to pull you next to him. “Sit.”

He says it politely, more like an offer than demand but you can’t see him as anything other than the dominant man you’d spoken to before. Even with a face that looks as soft as his right now. 

Your stomach does flips as you obey, already feeling entirely dominated.

“Usually, a safe word is the only thing I set and it tends to help people learn their limits. I will stop if you say it.” He tries to explain, ultimately to leave limitations up to you during the act. 

After all, since you’re so new, how would you even know what you don’t like anyway? Sure, some people in this community find Heeseung’s way of doing things shady at best, but he does communicate his preferred method first. He isn’t trying to trick you into doing something you don’t want to do, he just wants the freedom to let you explore all of the things that he likes. 

“I’m not sure what rules are even meant to be set.” You explain, finally gaining enough composure to talk clearly now. “Don’t pee in my mouth?”

He nods in agreement with a roll of his eye, looking at you as if he is encouraging you to continue.

“What’s the safe word then?” You ask, unintentionally fiddling your fingers in a nervous way. You catch his eye watching you, and you note the way he does his best to calm you from any anxiety.

“Some people pick random words, but colors are usually a good way to go. Yellow for when you’re not sure, but I can keep going. Red for when I need to stop.” 

“No green?” You ask.

“I mean, technically everything is green until you state otherwise, isn’t it?” 

He’s right.

“Any other things that are a hard no?” He asks again, ruffling his hair through his fingers. “Fair warning, I will hit you, choke you, restrain you, among many other things,” he pauses and looks for your reaction. “unless you tell me now that you don’t want it.”

You look at him and how his soft features have hardened slightly with his tense jaw, your thoughts derailing again as you see the words coming from a mouth so plush and pretty.

“Is kissing allowed?” You ask, completely unrelated to his string of offered abuse.

“If you want to kiss me through all of this, and your mouth is available, sure, I don’t see why not.” 

You nod, taking it all in. Yellow. Red. No piss (this time). You’re going to hurt, and you can kiss him. 

“Okay.” You say in a small voice, looking away from him and down to your lap. “Can you start slow?”

“No.” Heeseung admits. He’s incredibly attracted to your nervousness, and even more attracted to the way your voice is already shaking despite not having touched you yet. God, you’re like a brand new canvas. “You have safe words, use them if it’s too much. I don’t ‘go slow’,” He adds, spreading his legs a bit more. “I do what I want, you do what I want, and maybe you’ll get what you want in return.”

There is no tone of politeness in his voice now, and you assume he switched fully into this persona the moment you muttered the word “okay.” More nervous now, you almost wonder if it’s too late to back out. Do you even want to? Because now you’re turning and you can see the way he’s looking back at you. You’re just exploring, and he’s right, you have safe words.

“Okay.” You say again against the anxiety in your belly, knowing that once it starts, that’s your chance to decide if your exploration was worth it.

Without warning, you hear the zipper of his jeans being pulled at, and before you know it his length is out and on display. He grips it much like he did in the photos he sent to you. Matching his body more to his face now, you stare at it. It’s much bigger in person, and more intimidating to imagine having inside of you. Not only is it long but it’s incredibly thick, part of you wonders if you could even fit it into your mouth at all. 

“You mentioned being on birth control, right? And being tested as clean?” He asks, looking down at himself and then back at you to watch you slowly nod in an answer.

He basks in the way you stare, blinking at the way he’s gripping onto himself for you to see. But, like he said, he’s not going to start slow for you. With the brief discussion and questions out of the way, he’s going in full force.

“On the floor.” He nods his head to the space between his legs. 

Your body takes you to the position between his legs without so much as a second thought. Your fingers instinctually land against the harsh fabric of his jeans as you attempt to prepare yourself, swallowing hard at the image of his cock towering before you. 

“No, hands behind your back.” He guides you with a smile and watches the way you pull your hands back and put them right where he asked you to.

“Already so obedient? I knew you wouldn’t be hard to handle.” 

You can’t tell if it’s a compliment or not, but it feels like it is because it sends a sense of pride through you. Does he like to fight for what he wants, or does he prefer having full control? 

Heeseung releases the grip on his length and places his hand at the back of your head, slowly guiding your mouth to his balls, twitching a bit at the way you instantly have your tongue out to lick and taste wherever he guides you. That alone drives him wild, seeing as how you may be new to this whole submissive thing, but surely you know how to suck a man off, right?

“You barely even know me, look at you lapping away.” He teases as he watches you, a smirk against his lips while he guides your head up to the underside of his cock. “What would your parents think?”

You knew he’d degrade you, but in all fairness, none of what he just said to you is a lie. You don’t even know his last name, you didn’t even know what he fucking looked like until fifteen minutes ago. Your parents would have a heart attack if they knew, and somehow feeling this dirty makes your stomach tumble and panties dampen.

He stops guiding you for a moment, feeling your tongue travel back down to his balls, licking and prodding against them in a way that makes him want to buck his hips up, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t show want or need for his partners, ever. That’s their role to fill, because if he wants to fuck something, he can. 

“Up,” He guides with a slap to your cheek, feeling your tongue travel up the underside of his cock again. “Open up.” He adds as he stares down at you, seeing you open your mouth fully while keeping your tongue flat against him. 

When you circle your lips around the head, you want to take your time. You want to prepare for the fact that Heeseung has a huge cock and it’s going to take some getting used to. Apparently, that wasn’t going to happen though, because now his hand is putting pressure on your head to go down, and your body fights it slightly because your throat has never been prepared for this kind of size?.

“No?” He asks, pulling your head off of him and seeing if you’re already going to give him a red, but you don’t. You don’t even look at him and instead, focus your eyes on the head of his cock trying to be better prepared. 

You almost hear the chuckle he lets out, the silent code word of green shining through in the way you say nothing. With that, he places both hands on your head and holds it there. 

“Deep breath–” He encourages. “Look at me.” 

Your eyes dart up to his as you take in a sharp inhale, and then, he’s not sliding in, he’s plunging past your lips, straight down your throat. The thickness of him forces your jaw to strain open as he angles himself, watching you try to close your eyes to refrain from gagging. 

“Open your eyes, look at me.” He demands this time, pressing further into your mouth and leaving little room for you to fight it. You do your best to look up at him, straining as he watches his cock disappear deeper into your mouth. Then, he holds you there, stiffening his hips just to twitch his cock and stretch your throat out.

For a moment, ignoring the fact that your lips are being spread impossibly wide and you can feel your throat attempting to constrict around the intrusion, you watch the way his face stares down at you. He’s really into this. Concentrated on sliding his full, hardened cock as deep as it can go into your mouth. And when he hits the back of your throat a third time and there’s a tear shedding down your cheek, he fucking chuckles.

“It’s not so bad, right?” He asks, knowing you can’t answer with a mouth full of him. 

That’s when the grip on your head becomes harsher and he starts fucking his hips forward, past your lips. He can feel you struggle, squeezing his length as it fills your throat, dripping precum and fully aware that you can’t even taste it. 

“Deeper.” He decides in a quick grunt, standing to his feet from the edge of the bed, holding your face on his cock and pressing in more, until he can hear the drool bubble from the corners of your mouth.

He stares down at you and the way your neck cranes. He can almost see the bulge of his cock intruding your throat as he presses in tightly if he angles his head right. He coos at you, rubbing a thumb against your cheek. 

“Pretty, tight little throat.” Heeseung compliments, reaching his hand down to rest against your neck so that he can feel his length sliding in and out of your throat. “Do you hate this?” 

You can’t respond, closing your eyes and trying to breathe through your nose. Your jaw is already hurting, your makeup is now ruined, and for some reason, you don’t hate it. You like the feeling of your breath being lost, with his hand pressed against any airway you could have possibly used at this moment. 

Arms still behind your back, you can’t help but pull them forward to brace your hands against your own knees as he continues to fuck into your mouth at a more aggressive pace. When he pulls almost all the way out, you steal little gasps that end up sounding more like wet, desperate, attempts to breathe. When he presses all the way back in, bruising your throat in an immaculate show of how big he is, he doesn’t make a single sound and only concentrates on the way he can feel his cock sliding against the palm of his hand through the expanse of skin along your neck. 

He does this for what feels like ages to you, and briefly you forget the pain of it and remember when he texted you the photo, saying you’d probably rather be choking on it. Experiencing it now, it’s more than you had imagined before, but also, in its own way, a million times better than you could have imagined. 

Heeseung’s hips start to slow as he releases his grip on your neck and moves his hands either side of your head. He holds you there on him as he tenses his muscles, your nose pressing against his abdomen and you can feel his cock twitch in the deepest depths your throat has to offer. You are continuously gagging around him and only now does he let out a moan, one that is deep and breathy. You open your eyes to try and look, but the angle doesn’t allow for it. All you can see is the expanse of skin along his abdomen and chest before his hands release your head.

He’s expecting you to pull back, considering you haven’t gotten a full breath of air since he started doing this, but you don't. He jerks his head down to look at you when he feels your hands grip at his jeans again. Heeseung doesn’t even think to tell you to put them back behind your back now, because you are willingly still choking on him. He can feel your tongue struggle to share the space in your mouth with him, the heaviness of his cock weighing it down.

“Shit–” He groans, staring down at you and the way you close your eyes so tightly in concentration, all in an attempt to please him. “Oh, fuck.” He throws his head back again this time, feeling the way you try to move your mouth on him, essentially deep-throating all on your own.

When he looks back down at you, he’s floored by the wetness against your cheeks. You’ve been crying this whole time, dribbling drool, and taking it so well. He makes a point to pull himself out of you because of it. 

The whimper that leaves your lips is something he doesn’t think he can forget. A raspy whimper. A fucking cry, he’d be lying if it didn’t sound like you were disappointed that he stopped suffocating you.

“Eager to please.” He starts sweetly, pinching your drool-coated chin between his thumb and pointer finger. “You like letting me use that tight little throat?”

You blink through your tears, nodding to him. You surprised yourself with how much you were able to take in that instant, and how willing you were to do it for longer. 

“Like you were made for it,” He hisses out this time, pulling you up by the chin so that you can stand in front of him, “Show me how wet this pussy is.” 

You can’t look away from his eyes, especially with the way he stares directly into yours when he cups his palm between your legs. Even with your clothes on, your body prickles with goosebumps at the sensation of him touching you there. 

“Can feel you through these shorts,” he smiles, dipping his head down to ghost over the shell of your ear before moving his hand to the button of your shorts. “Do you want me to touch you? I bet you do.”

You’ve never begged before, and you never really understood why people begged at all, but at this moment you think you would absolutely fall right back to your knees and plead for him to touch you. You can feel your shorts sticking to you, your panties uncomfortably tucked into your seeping pussy at the very act of him fucking your mouth. 

“Please?” You choke out, voice still raspy as you try to speak.

Heeseung chuckles at your pathetic attempt and pulls you by your shorts to step forward as he takes one step back. He shakes his head at you in pity, sitting himself on the bed as he drags you to stand between his legs. 

“Turn around.” He guides you with his hand before circling your ass with his hands and landing a short slap against the back of your thigh. “Now, sit.”

He still guides you, positioning his cock between both of your plush thighs and holding in a shiver at the way the hem of your shorts drags against his length. 

You know you get nothing out of this, and he’s not going to touch you yet but fuck, you need it at this point. He watched you gag around him, he watched you try your fucking best, and this is what you get in return? The head of his cock peeking from your thighs as you squeeze around them? So be it. 

You keep both feet on the floor, doing your best to keep your legs together as you make an attempt to bounce against his lap but he stops you instantly.

“I didn’t say you could move,” he warns, placing his chin on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around your waist before leaning both of you back and then rolling you over to your side. “Cross your legs and squeeze. Don’t move.”

You do exactly as he asks, crossing your legs at the ankle and lying there still as he slips his cock from between your thighs. You wait like this for a moment before you feel the head of his length nudging between, this time more wet than before, and then his hand is traveling to your belly and under your shirt from behind you. 

“Big tits too, ever gotten off from nipple play?” he whispers, his hand ignoring your bra and pinching straight through the sheer fabric against your nipple. “Would love to see how you’d drench these shorts if you could do that for me.” 

Your mind is racing, feeling his fingers tightening the pinch against your nipple and his cock lazily sliding between your thighs. You shake your head, not knowing if it is even possible to get off that way. Sensitive tits aside, if he can do it, you might just have to find a way to claim Heeseung as your dom, and no one else's.

“You haven’t?” He chuckles from behind you, snaking his other hand under you and up to your other tit. “Let’s see.” 

He uses both hands to move your bra to the outer swell of your breasts and gropes both of them before pausing and focusing on his cock between your legs for a split second. 

“Keep your legs tight for me, babe, I’ll reward you for it.” 

You squeeze your legs tighter as you feel his fingertips gently flick both of your nipples. You try to focus on that sensation alone, feeling a short jolt of pleasure travel down your body and straight to your clit. God, you want him to touch your pussy so badly, because there’s no way you can get off from this alone. 

His focus falls back to you, fucking his hips forward all while he allows his fingers to put more and more pressure into the flicks and pinches. You must not realize the way your body trembles even at this, and it’s driving him fucking insane. You’re so new to this, but you suck cock like you’ve been a submissive plaything for years. You have so much to learn, so much to experience, and it’s hard for him not to want to do it all right here, right fucking now. 

Without warning, he pulls his hips back and leaves his cock untouched. You’re about to turn your body to him in confusion but he does it for you. Rolling you over onto your back before kicking his own pants off. Now, he positions himself between your legs. He looks at you, deep and dark eyes matching the smirk on his face.

“Show me,” he starts, pulling your shirt off of you in one swift motion and staring down at your chest. “Wanna see them before I fucking ruin them.” 

Typically, it’s normal for you to be fairly silent in these situations, so having no response for him isn’t a surprise. What is surprising is the way your throat instantly forces out a small moan when his legs force you to spread yours as he settles between them.

Even the sensation of your pussy opening beneath your shorts at the spread of your legs has you feeling more aroused than before. So, when he shocks you with a quick slap against one of your tits, you’re not even surprised that it feels good.

He watches your face after that slap, your slack jaw rising into a small and cocky smirk at the realization that you’re liking what he’s doing. He’s still in the green, so he slaps again, harder this time before leaning down and licking the spot he just hit. 

He pulls your bra up with one hand, raising it to your collar bone to release both of your tits and leaving them vulnerable to any hit, kiss, bite, or pinch he has to offer. You don’t care, because when you manage to open your eyes and look at him, he’s entirely focused on the way your nipples harden and soften from the sensations. 

When he leans down to lick, your pussy clenches at the wet heat of his tongue flicking your nipple, and when his teeth graze as a warning for a future bite, you only anticipate it. Your body instinctively humping up each time a jolt is sent to your clit. He bites hard, and then pulls back to slap against your other tit even harder. Until you’re left shaking, babbling incoherently with gasps and curses. 

“Does it hurt enough?” He coos, leaning back down to lick the growing swell against your tits. “Do you want more?”

He’s surprised that you nod, chuckling to himself because he was already going just as hard as he normally would when a woman likes breast abuse. You want more? You want him to go harder? He hums in response, using one hand to grip harshly against one tit and dipping down to suck against a particularly swollen and sore area on the other.. 

You feel the pain, the sensation running down your body much like the arousal and pleasure does. It’s almost hard to tell the difference between them, aside from the fact that the pain actually hits harder. The feeling of his mouth abusing you, his hands, all while his cock is hanging heavy and neglected against your thigh? You can take more than this even, you’re sure of it. 

Without really intended to, your hands find their way to his hair. He almost pulls back to demand that you let go, to inform you that he gave no permission to touch him, but the way you pull against his strands has him replacing his harsh sucking and biting against your flesh to flicking his tongue against your nipple again. Surely, you can cum from this, surely, you’re close if you’re stepping out of line, right? 

He’s going to make damn sure you’re soaking your shorts before he rewards you again, after all. 

You moan at the flutters of his tongue gently flicking your nipple, especially in contrast to his other hand bruising your other breast. It’s strange, really, to feel that familiar build up in your stomach but then again, your panties are tucked so tightly between your lips that your clothing is actually offering a bit of pleasure on that front too. Your clit is harshly being restricted and somehow, that offers relief in its own way. 

For the first time in your life, you feel waves washing through your body that feel so hot that you’re sure you have a fever. He continues to stimulate your nipples, replacing his tongue with his other hand as he pulls back and watches you fall apart beneath him. His cock twitches wildly at the image. Your lips parting, tongue darting out to try and collect the saliva threatening to fall from the corners of your mouth, eyes rolled back before you squeeze them tightly and fucking tremble.

Your lower half is humping up, your chest is chasing the abuse of his fingers, and you feel nothing but heat as you orgasm for an embarrassingly long time. All the way until your ears pick up the sound of him cooing at you. 

“Dirty girl, you made a mess.” He smiles, releasing your tits and sliding down the bed before resting his chin on your knee. 

You’ve barely come back to reality when you feel your shorts unsticking from your pathetic cunt. Panties still tucked uncomfortably against you, he tries to coo again, but instead he groans at the image of both your pussy and your shorts.

“Fuck,” he stares. “So goddamn wet.”

He analyzes your shorts briefly before tossing them to the side and bracing both hands on your knees to spread your legs out. There, he hooks his pointer finger beneath the panties sitting between your pussy lips pulls them out. 

“So messy for me.” he comments, realizing that your entire pussy is glistening with arousal. He pulls your panties off of you easily, eyes focused on the way your hole pulses for something, anything.

You weren’t expecting him to do it, but then again, you weren’t expecting to let him do it when he shoves the panties into your face.

“Say ahhh.” He smiles, pressing the panties into your mouth with two fingers when you instantly obey. “Suck.”

You do, wondering how the fuck you ended up in a situation where this actually turns you on. He’s loving it though, watching your pussy pulse even more as you suck your own mess out of the fabric. You almost forgot his promise of a reward, if you’re being honest. So, yet again, you’re surprised when you feel his tongue, without any warning, lick straight against that pulsing hole and up to your clit. 

Your legs shake around him, instinctively closing around his head before both of his strong arms spread them back out again. He chuckles against your pussy, and when you inhale to try and regain control of the sensitive pleasure taking over your body, you can only taste yourself. Each breath replaced with your past orgasm, each moan coming out as a choked and desperate whine. 

The pleasure is short lived though. Heeseung takes note of your whining, licking and tasting you to the point that he’s the one that’s about to fucking lose it. He’s quick to regain his control, licking a languid stripe up your folds before landing against your clit and grazing his teeth against it. 

He holds you down when you jump at it, groaning at the sensitivity and pain. He grazes his teeth against it again, and again, and then finally nibbles against it. Your whining gets louder and he swears he can hear a whisper of a ‘wait, stop–’ as you spit the panties out of your mouth and your legs still try to squeeze around him, but he holds you down more, chuckling.

“You know that’s not going to stop me.” Heeseung reminds you before nibbling again. 

You could end this torture right now. Your clit has been neglected this whole time until now, and it’s not gentle. He’s biting, he’s grazing, and it fucking hurts. All you have to do is say the color, all you have to do is choke it out between his evil ministrations, but you don’t. 

“That’s what I thought.” He laughs, leaning back and sitting up between your legs. He releases his hold on your hips, now pressing one hand flat on your stomach and holding you down that way instead before slapping your clit. 

“Didn’t expect you to be a pain slut.” 

You groan, unable to answer between his quick slaps to your clit. Swallowing hard, you try to speak. He notices your attempt and holds back his next, harsher slap. 

“Baby wants to speak now?” He asks, rubbing your clit gently and encouraging you to try. 

“Yellow,” you finally whimper, and he raises his brow. 

“Oh?” He confirms, waiting for you to nod before holding back entirely from the slaps and instead, pinching your clit much like he did to your nipples.

For some fucking reason, this hurts more than the slaps but the consistent pain is more tolerable than the sudden, anticipated slaps. This, you like.

“Mhm,” You manage to moan out this time, biting at your bottom lip as your eyes roll back in pleasured pain, hips humping up for more. 

He tilts his head, liking the way you whine for it, happy to have found someone so willing to hurt for him. He pinches harder, watching you react, he dips his head down again and offers a bit more pleasure that way too as a means of secret reward. All the way until your legs are shaking, and he knows now that you’re already about to cum again.

Despite your confirmation and willingness to let him continue the abuse of your pussy, he pulls back entirely, collecting the wet seeping out of you and sliding it down his cock with his fist. 

“Eyes on me.” He demands, staring between your legs. You listen, managing to open your eyes in frustration and watch him. “Were you about to cum again?” 

His eyes dart to you, and your pussy pulses yet again when you nod, releasing a frustrated sigh. He ignores it, looking back down at your hole, his thought process switching to his own pleasure.

“Do you know how much I want it to hurt when you do?” He asks again, fisting his cock faster, using his other hand to grab your face and force you to look into his eyes. “I could be so fucking deep inside of you right now, you know that, right?”

You groan, your body threatening to release something that resembles an orgasm on those words alone. 

“Fuck–” You try to moan for him, you try to beg, but he stops you by squeezing your cheeks tighter. 

“Fuck, what?” He asks, feeling his own orgasm welling up inside of him before he grips the base of his cock, denying him of that pleasure. “You?” 

You nod aggressively, your hand reaching to grip his arms and brace yourself. 

“Say it,” he demands, releasing his cock and using his other hand to run his fingers up your pussy. “Scream it, beg me.”

You choke out the words before releasing a raspy shout, begging a man you barely know to stretch you open, to use you as he sees fit, salivating at the very idea of him doing it more than he already has. 

“Yeah, just like that,” he groans at the sound of your desperate voice, standing to his feet. He quickly removes the rest of his clothes, the musky scent of him blowing past you as he throws his shirt over your face. “You’d let me do anything right now, wouldn’t you? ”

Instantly you do, trying to adjust your head to knock his shirt away and off of you, only half of it slides away, allowing you to peek at him with one eye.

“Come on, take it.” He says, glancing down at his cock as he stands at the foot of the bed in front of you. “You think I’m going to fuck you?”

“Fuck yourself.” He smiles in a cocky, almost evil way. “Get on it babe.”

Honestly, it’s like you’re seeing tunnel vision. Nothing in this room exists but you and his cock. Entirely tuned into your pleasure, your pussy aching from sensitivity and lack of being stretched open, you’re instantly leaning forward to get to him, leaving your tits abandoned almost instantly.

He watches the way you pull yourself from the bed, acting like an animal as you fall to your knees and take him into your mouth much like you did before. His jaw tenses at your hunger, and he holds back a moan at the way you appear to have lost yourself entirely for him. He doesn’t fuck his hips forward, he doesn’t touch you, he just stands there. Watching you unravel on your knees, feeling your eager tongue try to force a reaction from him. 

“I said to fuck yourself,” He warns, stepping back and pulling his cock from your mouth. “Didn’t you just beg?”

He smiles when he says it, and in your head, you don’t care if it’s some sort of trick or play of words. You’d gladly spread out on the bed and absolutely pound your pussy on your fingers alone if he so much as hinted for you to do it, but at this point his cock is out, and it’s heavy. 

Heeseung is a bit shocked when you shove him back, eyes still glazed over in a way that shows him that you’re not in your right mind. He steps back, allowing you to press him all the way until he’s leaned against the hotel vanity. Raising his brow, kind of impressed, he allows you to hook one leg around him and instantly holds your leg in place to balance you there.

He still says nothing, he doesn’t move past holding your leg in place around him, and his eyes remain on yours as you reach between the two of you and position his cock straight to your hungry cunt. There, he chuckles when your face turns from something that seemed determined, into relief at the stretch of his head entering past your lips. 

Still, he stands, chuckling at how desperate you are to fuck him this way, rather than just turning around and bending over. Surely the position would be easier for you, but then it all makes sense when he feels your lips slacked against his, panting against him as you make attempts to find some sort of rhythm.

You did ask if kissing was allowed, and god, you’re like a fucking animal. He breathes into it, pressing his tongue past your slack lips and tasting the remnants of your panties.

“You’re already so gone,” he whispers into your mouth, feeling your shallow humps on his cock. “I’m hardly even inside of you, I said I could go deep.” 

You don’t really hear those words. Honestly, your body is moving on its own and doing what it can do at this moment. The angle isn’t easy, but you wanted to kiss him so fucking badly.

He pulls out of you though, leaving little reaction for you to do anything other than feel embarrassed by your attempt to fuck yourself on him just for a kiss. He doesn’t expect you to keep going though, apparently, because he’s instantly swirling you around and shoving you to the bed. Bending you over and placing a hand at the back of your head before pressing your face into the blankets. His other hand holding both of your hands behind your back with ease. 

“Better?” He asks, easily positioning his cock and shoving into you with one quick thrust, bottoming out entirely. “Hm?” He adds, pulling out and shoving in again. 

Your mouth is open in a silent moan at the intense stretch, tasting nothing but the fabric of the blanket your face is currently shoved into. 

“Can’t hear you,” He grunts, picking up the pace and pistoning his cock in and out of you so fast that you can barely catch your breath regardless of the blankets already making it difficult. “You like it so fucking deep, don’t you?”

You can’t answer. You can only groan at the feeling of his cock stretching you open repeatedly, at his hand shoving your face further against the mattress until all you can do is tense your body. 

He feels it, your pussy clenching around him so tightly that even he gets the breath knocked out of him. Gripping your hair, he pulls your head up and listens to your gasps for air. His hips slam harder, harder, harder, until he feels the pleasure threaten to hit him. That’s when he stops, burying himself into you entirely before releasing your head and falling forward against you. 

“Don’t fucking move.” He warns, twitching inside of you as he feels you heave for air beneath him. 

You try not to move, but your sensitive body reacts to even the sound of his breath behind your ear. Everything is more sensitive than you could ever imagine your body being. Your bruised and swollen tits are throbbing against the mattress, your clit is pulsing at the fullness of his cock inside of you, and your pussy is struggling still to adjust to his size. It feels fucking immaculate. You want him to move, you want to move. You want to be fucked, obliterated, destroyed. 

“Wait–” You manage to muffle out, knowing full well that it’ll get him to do the exact opposite. 

“I’m not even fucking you,” he laughs, pressing his hips forward a bit more, causing you to whimper in response. 

“Stop, just, give me a second.” You cry out.

“Not how this works.” He laughs, pulling his hips back and pointedly thrusting into you again. “So dumb you forgot how to use your words properly?” 

You nod, smirking against the blankets.

“Liar.” He groans, amused by your little attempts to control how hard he goes. “If you want it harder, all you have to do is beg.”

His hips speed up, this time thrusting into you so hard that the bed itself scoots further forward and bangs against the wall. You yelp in pleasure, rolling your eyes back and wanting so badly to see his face as he fucks you.

“Hee– please.” You groan and he pulls back, wondering if you actually are so lost that you’ve forgotten the colors. 

“Colors, sweetheart. Red for stop.” He goes harder, harder, harder, “Or is this exactly what you want?” 

You shake your head almost aggressively at that, bracing your hands on the bed and pushing your ass back against him. 

It floors him, really, that you’ll ask him to stop and then blatantly ignore your own words by fucking yourself back on him. You’re insane, honestly.

“Please what, then?” He asks out of breath, smiling as he watches you fuck back against him. 

“Let me see you do it.” You whine out, desperate to feel intimate, to feel close. 

He obliges, tilting his head at the request but allowing it nonetheless. You can feel him slip out of you before his fingers replace his cock. He doesn’t want to lose the feeling of your clenched pussy even for a moment as he guides you to roll over and shoves you back on the bed, your legs hanging off the end of it. He braces himself at the end of the mattress, resting his cock against your you as he scissors his fingers inside of you with a smile. 

“Wanna see me fucking ruin you?” He smirks at you, pulling at your legs and guiding you to wrap them around him. “Then watch.”

You do, eyes zoned in on him as he grips tightly at your legs and pulls his fingers out of you. You can’t even catch your breath, which is no longer a shock to you, when he slides back into you. Studying his face as he does it, you can’t tell if he feels good or if this is just a service he does on the regular. You wonder what you’d have to do to break that stone-cold look in his eyes, what it takes to get him to moan without restraint, to show you that you’re also making him feel good.

He fucks you so well, so deep, and god, it becomes so difficult to keep your eyes on him with each painful thrust. The bed continues to knock against the wall, your cries become louder and louder, and finally, fucking finally, you hear him release his breath in a low and guttural moan. 

That’s it. That’s what you want to hear from him, time and time again. 

“Harder,” you urge him, feeling his hands tighten around your legs before he’s releasing them and dropping his hand to your throat. “Harder.” You continue now with a strained voice. 

He does, putting all of his strength behind his thrusts, losing himself momentarily in the moment and squeezing your throat tighter as he grunts out at you with a defeated chuckle.

“Of course, you’d be the one to pull this out of me.” He admits, his smile never falling from his lips as he closes his eyes and listens to the wet sound of his cock sliding in and out of you. “Of course, you’d be the one to grip my cock like this.”

You’re gone, not even realizing that you’ve been on the edge for a while now in the way his thick cock continuously massages your g-spot. You tighten your legs around him, forcing him to bury himself deep inside of you as you clench and grip around him in a release. 

He allows it, surprising himself for being so lenient, then slides his hand up your throat before releasing it and using two of his fingers to hook your mouth open. There, he watches you drench him, he feels your arousal gushing out of your stuffed pussy and onto the bed, and now, now it’s his turn. 

“That’s it, all over me, baby–” he coos, pulling his hips back and slamming back into you despite your tightened legs around him. “Feel it.” he adds, accenting his words with another particularly deep thrust. 

You’re entirely silent, and he’s loving it as he slides his fingers deeper into your mouth, holding your tongue down and imagining which way he’d like to fill you up. He could watch his seed run down your thighs, he could pull out and fuck your throat until climax, he could pull out and deny himself a bit more, just to see you fall apart more. 

It hits him a bit too fast though, when he’s looking down your throat and watching your eyes slowly open to look at him. There’s the tears, your sensitive pussy probably begging for him to pull out, to give you some relief, to be gentle. He offers one last thing to you, pulling his fingers from your mouth and dragging them down.

There, he rubs against your swollen clit until you’re writhing under him to get away. Still no safe words have been used, and you’re fully capable of stopping him at this moment. But you don’t. So, he doesn’t stop. The sensation of your body writhing, fighting the pain, chasing the smallest hint of pleasure throws him into his release. He presses into you so hard that the bed remains in a slightly tilted position, fitting snugly against the wall as he paints your inner walls with thick, hot cum. 

You whimper at the feeling, legs falling open from around him as your body tries to wiggle away with your post-orgasm shocks. He moans each time, falling forward half way through his orgasm.. 

“You feel that?” He growls against your ear as he fucks his the entire mess into you. “Is this what you wanted to see?”

You listen to him speak, the words matching the pain in your body to such an extent that you’d probably let him keep going if he wanted to. You’d let him break you of all sanity, you’d let him tie you up, use you, abuse you. 

And when he goes silent, his sweat dampened skin raises and he slips out of you with care and a deep sigh of relief. You simply lay there, staring up at the ceiling and wondering how long you’ve been here, why it took you so long to explore this side of your sexuality, and why you’re not ready for it to be over, despite your aching body. 

You feel his presence leave you for a brief moment and return with a warm and wet towel, and you jolt when it touches between your legs. Your body jolts in aversion at the feeling of the rough material against your clit, but still you try to relax.

“You must be sensitive,” Heeseung says gently with a voice you’ve never heard from him, “They always are after their first time.”

Nodding, you try to pull yourself up and close your legs, but your body feels stiff again. 

“Relax, you’ll probably faint if you try to stand up too fast.” He tries to explain, folding the towel over to clean you with a different side of it. “It’s not like a normal hook up, you know? If you’re gonna let me hurt you, you’ve gotta let me take care of you after.”

Your throat is dry as you lay there, the sensation of even his gentle touches feeling like too much to handle. You feel like you can’t move, so you trust his words and try to relax.

“That’s it, yeah,” He encourages, going to try and help you shuffle your body up to the head of the bead so that you at least have a pillow. “Take your time. You have my number if you ever wanna meet up again.”

With that, Heeseung steps himself into the bathroom and cleans himself up. When he comes back out, he’s already dressed and fixing his hair in the mirror before heading toward the door.

“Wait,” You panic, lifting up quickly and feeling a bit light headed at the sudden movement, “You’re leaving?” 

He smiles at you, nodding. Everything else you do as a newcomer may be fairly expected, but it’s rare when Heeseung ends up with someone who doesn’t want him to leave after. 

“I do have a day job, you know,” He tries to play it off as a joke, but he really didn’t think you expected him to stay after general aftercare. “Stay here and rest up. Check out is tomorrow at eleven so feel free to enjoy the room. Not sure if you noticed, but it’s one of the nicest hotels in the city.”

Oh. Right, you didn’t notice. After all, when you got to the door the room practically didn’t exist to you outside of the floor in front of the bed, the bed, and the ceiling. 

“Red.” You say, unsure if it’ll work.

“You can’t do that.” He finds it sweet, but dangerous nevertheless. He doesn’t sleep over with his  website meetups. He’s here to bring you pleasure and pain sexually, not emotionally. “Like I said, you’ve got my number.”

You’re silent, watching him turn the knob on the door. 

“Oh and,” He pauses, turning to look at you. “Don’t go off with other randoms from the site. Some of them don’t offer the kindness I offered to you today. Ease into it, I’ll be around to help if you need me.”

Wondering if he’s implying that you should only see him when it comes to this sexual dynamic, you nod to him, trying to ignore the fact that he claimed “kindness” was being offered to you. If this was him being kind, you can’t help but wonder what he’s like when he’s…you know, not.

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