#I really hope I don't lose mutuals from this but also if you can't stand this take then this blog is not a safe place for you

[almosttenaciousmoon]

Just before I share any opinions on TTPD I want to make it clear that you can't make me hate Joe Alwyn.

Yes, I understand the pain of quiet resentment. Yes, I get how she felt abandoned. This is not to discount that.

I never had the courage of my convictions/ As long as danger is near/ And it's just around the corner, darling/ 'Cause it lives in me/ No, I could never give you peace

I also understand how exhausting it would be for him to constantly watch her inaction. This man has made his stance clear and while a lot of people take his "I'm removing myself from her narrative" line badly, I can’t blame him for it. I will always be grateful for the comfort Taylor's music has given me (Red was my childhood, Folklore and Evermore got me through many hard days). That said, I don't like the person she has become (her adverse environmental impact, and how she uses feminism. She doesn't want to dismantle the system because the consumerist culture of it all benefits her. Also the whole Olivia, Phoebe, Gracie and Sabrina and how she will align herself with people who can broaden her demographic but never outshine her).

Your integrity makes me seem small/ You paint dreamscapes on the wall/ I talk shit with my friends/ It's like I'm wasting your honour

In our current political climate, I will always prefer people who use their platform to advocate for justice instead of playing neutral. Joe knows when people are looking at him and he uses that knowledge to advocate for Palestine.

[wandussyfantasy]

request (i hope its still open)

powerbottom!Wanda x Beefy G!P reader

(this is gonna be kinda long and dirty so be prepared)

Reader and Wanda are both college students who have been mutual pining each other, Wanda tells Nat that she likes reader and really wants to get down and dirty with them but doesn't know what to do Nat gives Wanda these chocolates (which is like those sex Viagra chocolate things) and tells Wanda to invite reader over for a movie night and share the chocolate, and that leads to hella sexual tension and they both can't hold it in anymore and fuck, Wanda rides readers abs and also handcuffs reader to the bed and she teases reader a lot and after a while reader just wants to touch Wanda so bad that they break the handcuffs which turns Wanda on even more and they fuck hard, lots of overstimulation and maybe some breeding (also maybe some fluff at the end as well as reader wants to live in this moment forever so reader uses Wanda's polaroid cam to take a pic of her naked and saves it in their wallet)

sorry this is long but if you do decide to write it just have fun with it and add your own stuff as well, love your fics <3

Study Date

Summary: Wanda and Reader have wanted each other for so long. Natasha, being the good friend that she is, helps the two speed things along and realize just how much they want each other.

Pairings: Wanda x NB!AMAB!Reader

Word Count: 4,767

WARNINGS:

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT READ & DO NOT INTERACT!!!

smut, gn!reader shapeshifter, powerbottom!lwanda, fingering, dirty talk, fluff, fantasies, teasing, foreplay, and creampie.

𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

“Hey Wanda, I noticed you weren't in class today. I thought I'd lend you my notes,” you say as you hand the pretty girl from your expository writing class your notebook. She smiles as she accepts your offering. 

“Awe, you're so sweet! You didn't have to do that! Thank you, I'll type this up and get it back to you as soon as possible,” she says. You smile back and tell her to take her time. The conversation falls flat but you don't want to stop talking to her. You stand there awkwardly as you try to think of something to keep the conversation going. Wanda was doing the same, she didn't want you to leave. She wanted to keep talking to you. She always wants to talk to you. “Hey, I heard there is going to be a party this weekend. My brother is hosting it so I'm going to be there and so will other people. Because it's a party! And that's how… anyway are you going?” Wanda asks nervously as she fiddles with the notebook in her hands. Natasha tries her best to not be repulsed by Wanda’s bad attempt at asking you out. She had no idea that her friend was crushing so hard on someone, let alone you. 

“Nah, I have a lot of studying to do,” you reply without giving the invitation much thought. “Maybe another time? This semester has been kicking my ass and I might lose my scholarship if I don't get my grades up.” You admit as you shift on your feet awkwardly. 

Wanda frowns and looks hopeless. Natasha rolls her eyes and then cuts in. “Wanda is a fantastic tutor,” she says. “Maybe you should ask her to tutor you,” she spells it out for you when all you said was cool. 

“I mean. Um. Would you have time to? I would really appreciate it,” you say as you gesture at Wanda. 

“Uh,” she looks at her friend.

“She is available tonight,” Natasha offers up. “I have plans so she’ll be alone in the dorm.” Natasha scribbles down information on a piece of paper and hands it off to you. “Let’s go,” she grabs Wanda and pulls her away. 

“See you later!” You shout at them as they leave. 

Natasha shakes her head as they continue to walk away. “That was pathetic,” she says to her friend. “I know you’re new to flirting but,” she starts as she opens the door for their dorm building. “That was not flirting. That was just… sad.” 

Wanda shakes her head, “I know. I know. I’ve never liked anyone the way I like Y/n before. I want them in ways that I’ve never wanted anyone before.” She presses her palm to her forehead as she blushes.  

“Like, losinging your v-card type of want?” Natasha’s eyes widen as her voice lowers while they walk to the elevators. “You hardly wanted to lose it to your Vision! And you were with him for three years!” 

“I know!” Wanda says as they enter the elevator. “But gosh, there is something about Y/n that has me,” she stops as someone enters the elevator. She puts her hand on Natasha’s shoulder and sends her a mind message to continue the conversation privately. “I’ve had several wet dreams about Y/n since I saw them running around the track field shirtless.” 

Natasha looks at Wanda with wide eyes and thinks, “They had their titties out on the field?” 

Wanda shakes her head. “No, they have a shapshifting ability. It’s why they prefer they/them pronouns because they can shift their physical appearance to how they feel they that day. And that day it was a male chest and it was strong and sweaty and-”

“Ok! I don’t need to know anymore. But that is quite an ability, I’m sure a lot of gender nonconforming people would love to have an ability like that.” She said out loud as they stepped out of the elevator. Wanda agreed. 

“I think they can do more but I could hardly focus. I started to imagine the possibilities and I was just happy mind reading isn’t one of their abilities.” Wanda says as they enter the dorm. 

“I’m glad it’s not an ability of mine either,” Natasha says as she opens the mini fridge. She flips through the different types of chocolate bars that she owns and smiles when she finds the one she it looking for. “I’ve been saving this for a rainy day and honey, it’s getting pretty cloudy.” She hands the chocolate bar over to Wanda. 

“Oh, I’ve been craving chocolate all day!” Natasha stops her roommate from eating the candy.

“Woah, not so fast. Wait for your date tonight. Share it with Y/n,” she suggests. 

“Why?” Wanda makes a weird face as she tries to figure out what is special about the unlabeled candy. 

“Just trust me,” Natasha quickly puts on a special bracelet that prevents anyone with telepathic or empathic abilities from entering her mind and she smiles as she flashes it at Wanda. “The less you know, the better.” She starts to gather her belongings. “I will be out all night. I gave Y/n your phone number so you should be receiving a text or something soon.” She looks around the room to assure herself that she has everything she needs. “Good luck, Wanda. I hope it all goes well. Just please don’t use my bed.” 

Wanda rolled her eyes at the bracelet and smiled at her friends departing words. The hug each other, “Thank you.” Natasha leaves the room. Wanda flops onto her bed as she waits for you to text her. She thinks about the times she’s seen you half-naked and sweating. How she’s wished to have your body on top of hers. Wanda bites her bottom lip as she fights the urge to slip her fingers between her legs and imagine that they are yours. 

Her phone pings with a notification and she springs up to look at it. It’s you asking what time you should arrive. She licks her lips she tries to make a flirty response but she ends up cringing at everything she types. She settles on just telling you to meet her an hour from now and flops back onto her bed with a sigh. She needed to get it together because in anhour you would be in her room and you needed tutoring. And some how she needed to work in sharing the mysterious chocolate bar with you. 

Wanda changed into something a little more suggestive and flashed on a set of lingerie underneath, just in case she became brave enough to try something with you. She cleaned up the room a bit and lit a candle that was enchanted to keep sound in any room that it was lit in. She doesn’t know why but she has a feeling she’s going to get her way and she won’t be quiet about it when she does. 

“Smells nice in here,” You say as you enter Wanda’s room. She shuts the door behind you. 

“Thank you, it’s a new candle I made. I kind of got into the trend,” she says sheepishly as she stands behind you. There wasn’t room for a sofa in the dorm room so there isn’t one. There was only beds and desk chairs as seating options. “You can sit at my desk,” she points to the desk that is between the beds. 

“Thanks,” you say with a blush, “Um, if you’re selling your candles, I would love to buy some from you.” Wanda’s cheeks flush bright pink as well as she sits on her bed. 

“I think I have a couple that I can gift you,” she smiles as she gets comfortable. “Alright, so what subject are we starting with?” She asks as you are pulling assignments out of your bookbag and setting them on her desk. She looks at the chocolate bar that was left on her bed and tries to think of how she can offer it to you without it seeming weird. 

“Um chemistry has been brutal,” you say as you organize yourself. You try to keep your eyes on the work in front of you because her shirt was tighter than the one you saw her in a couple of hours ago. It was hard enough to be around her when she had loose fitting clothing on. Now that it was accentuating her chest, you thought you might pass out. 

“Chemistry happens to be my strongest subject!” Wanda says as she leans over to look at your papers. She quickly gets into helping learn the formulas that you struggled with as well as a lot of the vocabulary that you had mixed up. Deep into the study session, Wanda starts to mindlessly break off pieces of the chocolate bar and eat it. 

You accept the pieces that she offers and by the time you've moved onto math, the chocolate bar is gone. You start to feel even hornier than when first walked in but you try to focus on the subject.

“It's kind of hot in here,” Wanda says as she fans herself with her hand. She doesn't know why but her body is on fire. Her clothes feel horrible on her skin but she can't take it off. Not with you here. Oh but she wishes she could convince you to take your clothes off. 

“Yeah, it um it is,” you shift uncomfortably as your eyes land on her glistening chest. Wanda’s eyes are glued to your chest as well. The sweat on your body was causing the white fabric of your shirt to become see through. The shirt was clinging to your abs, exposing your six-pack. “Maybe I should um-” 

“Fuck me,” Wanda gasps out as she bites her lips. “I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from I-” You cut her off with your lips. Finally kissing her after spending the past few years pining for her. Wanda responds to the kiss just as eagerly. She pulls on your shirt to pull you closer to her until you land on top of her. Your body against hers on her bed. She couldn't think of anything but your lips and your body. She needs you. She needs you now. 

“Are you sure,” you try to slow down your kisses. “We can stop at any moment,” you say as you try to catch your breath. Her lips start sucking on your neck and you let out a soft loud groan. 

“Why would I want to do that?” She says as she rips your shirt in the middle. You are surprised by her urgency. You didn't know that Wanda even liked you. “Wow,” Wanda gasps as she admires your naked chest. She unhooks your bra and her eyes grow hungrier at the sight. You get rid of the rest of the fabric of your shirt and toss it to the floor. You roll off of Wanda and lay next to her to start to get rid of your pants. You had most of your abilities down but when it came to sexual urges, there was one thing you couldn't control completely. That was the cock that is currently growing and will soon be straining against your jeans. 

But before you can unbuckle your belt, Wanda climbs onto your chest and kisses you on the mouth again. “I have an idea,” she says against your lips as she holds your face in her delicate hands. 

“Mmm, please share,” you say as you kiss along her jaw. She maneuvers you so that you are laying properly on the bed. Then with magic, she chains you to the bed. Wanda removes her tight shirt and short shorts to reveal the red lace bra and the black thong. Your eyes widen at her lingerie. You never thought in your wildest dreams that you would be here. 

Wanda straddles your hips and you groan at the contact of her skin against yours. Her thighs rest against your sides. Her pussy juices drip through her thong and land on your stomach as she starts to gyrate her hips on your abs. You watch her breasts bounce as she moves on your abdomen and you lick your lips as you think about touching her. About sucking on her breasts. Licking her smooth stomach. Wanda puts her hand on your breasts as she continues to use your abs to create friction. You moan as she plays with your nipples. She makes eye contact with you as she leans in close to you. She makes you think she's good to kiss you but then her hips slide down and her pussy starts to ride your bulge as her lips kiss your neck. 

“Fuck” you his as her lips move to your collarbone. She sucks on your skin lightly as she makes shapes with her tongue. You imagine her sucking your cock and it causes you to thrust your hips into her middle. She yelps and looks at you. Her pupils have taken over her emerald eyes as she takes your breast into her mouth. “Wanda,” you beg as you thrust your hips up again. She takes her mouth off of your chest as she sits up again. Teasing you by slowly removing her bra. You groan again as you fight against your magical restraints. When her breasts are exposed, Wanda drops her hands to your belt. She unbuckles the accessory and unbuttons your jeans. She pulls your zipper down and stops there. 

Wanda drags her fingers at the top of the waistband of your boxers. She is driving you crazy. When she slips her fingers into your boxers you can't take it anymore. With your super strength, you break the magic handcuffs off and grab Wanda and flip the two of you so that you're on top. “That was hot,” Wanda says as she kisses you again. 

You get lost in her lips as your hands touch her everywhere. You have them on her hips then on her breasts then on her ass. Her skin is so soft and you want to touch every inch of her. You begin to suck on her neck as you move to explore her body with your lips. She sighs and moans when you reach especially sensitive spots on her body. Her hands continue to trace the ridges of your chest. You drop her breast from your mouth and grin. “You like what you feel?” 

Wanda blushes as she grows a bit shy. “I’ve been dreaming about them,” she says with pink cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just want to appreciate them while I have them.” She reaches up and kisses your neck. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as she starts to suck on your neck again. Her hands start to trail further down your body. She starts to push your pants and underwear further down until your cock bounces out. You moan from the relief. Her eyes widen at the sight. Her ex-boyfriend was a super computer that looked like a Ken-doll in the private area. She’s only seen dicks online and none of them come close to what is laying against her stomach. She couldn’t imagine how it was supposed to fit inside her virgin hole. She is surprised that fear isn’t controlling her nearly as much as it has in the past. But she can’t keep the thought as you roll your hips and the base of your cock grazes her clitoris just right. Her lips latch to yours again. You are typically someone that likes to take it slow but something has your body buzzing with energy and taking over your actions. 

Wanda’s hand wraps around your cock and you roll your hips into her soft hand. You have imagined her jerking you off before. It was in a car or in a closet or at a movie and it was always after or during a date. It wasn’t this fast, or this amazing. Your hand doesn’t compare to hers. You have to pull away as you feel yourself near your edge. 

“I’ve dreamt about you too,” you whisper against her lips. You fall lower on her body until your head is between her thighs. You kiss her left thigh first then her right. Wanda wimpers each time your lips press against her thighs. With your tongue you trace letters along her thighs claiming her as yours. “I’ve wanted to be in this position since I saw you at the freshman mixer,” you admit as you drag your tongue along the crevice between her thigh and vulva on her right side. “But you were taken for two  more years after that.”  You lick the left side and Wanda licks her lips as she watches you tease her. 

“Now I’m yours,” she says desperatley, “I’m all yours.” Her fingers lock into your short hair as she pulls you closer to her pussy. “Show me your deepest desires, Y/n.” You nod as you put your mouth on her entrance. You slip your tongue inside of her and use your abilities to have a deeper reach. Wanda’s eyes widen at the sensations as she feels your tongue wiggling inside of her. You feel a wall as you extend your tongue further and your eyes widen as you shrink your tongue to it’s normal size. 

You pull away and ask, “Are you a virgin?” Wanda grows shy again and tries to hide her face in her pillows. “It’s okay to be it’s just, are you sure you want to… with me… like this?” You say as you crawl up her body and remove the pillow from her face. “I just don’t want you to regret your decision later if there are reasons you waited this long,” you tell her softly. 

Wanda gazes into your eyes and takes your hand and brings it close to her. She kisses the palm of your hand as she holds eye contact and then places your hand over her heart. “I'm sure,” she answers softly. Then she pushes you back so that you lay on the bed. She pulls your pants and boxers all the way off and tosses them behind her. “I want you so bad right now, Y/n. I've wanted you for a long time.” She says as she moves her hands up your thighs until they meet in the middle to give attention to your cock again. She kisses the tip of your penis. Her soft plush lips send shivers down your spine just before she wraps them around the bulbous head. Your head falls back as she deep throats your cock. Taking as much as shee can down her throat without gagging. You’ve never seen that before. You can’t believe it. Wanda removes her mouth and you lift your head back up to watch her. “I don’t have a gag reflex,” Wanda smirks. You make a confused expression and Wanda giggles. She taps her temple, “Mind reader.” 

You sit up on your elbows, “Hold on,” you stop her from sucking your cock again. “You’re telling me that you’re more than a witch?” You shake your head. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry for what you saw today. I promise, I like you for more than-”

“No, I don’t… I didn’t read your mind earlier. I,” she crawls up your body and sits on your chest again. She holds your face as she tries to explain her abilities. “I don’t like to know what other people are thinking so I take something that decreases my ability to read peoples minds. I can only read your mind when I’m touching you. I wasn’t doing that earlier,” she explains. 

A slow smile graces your lips. You move your fingers a long the length of her arms. “Does that mean you’re seeing what I’m thinking about now.” You take the palm of her hand and press your lips against her soft skin. The hitch in her breath is enough to let you know that she can see exactly what you intend to do with her tonight. “And what do you think?” 

Wanda leans in close to your lips and whispers, “I already told you to show me your deepest desires. So stop stalling.” She meets your lips in a slow, deep, kiss. Every time she kissed you she felt the effects of something grow stronger. She couldn’t place where it was coming from but she has a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with that chocolate that Nathasha was being so weird about. It didn’t matter anymore. She was so close to having exactly what she wants. 

“Yes, ma’am,” you say with a raspy voice as you kiss her back. You move your hands down her body and rip her thong off of her. You aim the tip of your penis at her entrance and slip just the tip in to tease her as the two of you continue to kiss. You pump in her softly, slowly stretching her out with your girthy cock. Wanda’s mouth falls open as you slip inside her previously untouched walls further. You move your kisses from her lips to her cheeks then to her neck. Her hands move from your face to your shoulders as she helps you lower her further onto your throbbing rod. Her nails start to dig into your skin and it causes you to lose control of your thrust as you break her hymn in one strong thrust. 

“Holy shit,” she gasps. “I can feel you,” she says as you lick the sweat off from her collarbone. “You’re stretching me,” she moans as you thrust further into her. “I’m so full with your cock,” she continues and you groan as you bring her breast into your mouth. You get the full length of your dick inside of Wanda’s tight walls and you nearly bust a nut from how amazing she feels around you. “It feels so good,” she says while she moves her hips. You smile with your mouth full of her boobs. Then you drop it with a plop as you grab her hips.

You begin to pump inside of Wanda and fuck her as hard as you can. She is shocked by the pleasure she is feeling from such force but she is far from complaining about it. “Yes!” She screeches out as you pound her pussy with your thick meat. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” She pulls you closer to her by wrapping her both arms around you. “Fuck you’re in so deep! Oh fuck! It’s so good! Fuck me Y/n! Fuck me!” She shouts as she continues to ride your cock while your hips slam into her. 

Your thrusts get so erratic that your cock slips out of her hole and you have to stop your hips from moving. You flip the two of you so that you are laying on top of her before you enter her again. “Ah fuck your pussy is so good, Wanda,” you moan as you enter her tight wet walls that is gripping your dick and pulling you further inside of her. “I’ve never done it raw before. Oh my gosh this feels amazing!” You say as rock your hips into Wanda. The sensitive skin on your penis is feeling every inch of her and you can’t believe any of this is real. 

“I’m so close,” Wanda gasps as her nails start to dig into your back. You didn’t know that you’d enjoy that feeling as much as you do. It drives you to speed up your thrusts again as you rub her clitoris with your thumb. 

“Cum for me,” you tell her and watch as her eyes roll back and her chest arches up into yours and feel as her walls squeeze the life out of your cock as if her body was trying to milk you. She screams out as she rides the waves of her orgasm. You don’t stop playing with her clitoris even after her body falls limp. 

“Don’t stop,” she says as she enjoys the over stimulation. You continue to rub her bundle of nerves while you pump your cock into her. 

“I’m, fuck, I’m close,” you warn her. “Don’t, mphm, worry. I’ll pull out,” you grunt out as you start to slow down your thrusts. That’s when Wanda’s legs wrap around your waist and lock you in. “Wanda what are you-” 

Wanda pulls you into a deep kiss. She dances her fingers along your jaw as you try to pull away. “Cum inside me,” she whispers. You head starts to shake but the request is too delicious that your eyes roll back as your cum starts to flow out of you and flood her pussy. “Mmm I can feel you pulsing inside of me,” she says as your cock empties inside of her. When you stop erupting, you try to pull out but Wanda shakes her head. “Not yet,” she says, “I don’t want to feel empty just yet.” You nod as you keep the two of you connected and sigh as you lay your head on her naked chest. Your limp body laying on top of hers. She is combing her fingers through your sweaty hair. “That was amazing,” she kisses your forehead. 

You give her a lazy smile with your eyes still closed, “It was. I wish we could live in this moment forever.” 

“I’ll allow it,” she responds softley. “But you’ll have to promise that you won’t want to be with anyone else.”

You make a face, “That’s an easy promise.” You lean up and kiss her cheek. “There is no one I’d rather be with.” You grab her hand and lay it on your chest over your heart. “You can even scan my mind. Sure, I’ve slept with people in the past. But I’ve always wanted to be with you. No one has ever invaded my mind the way you have.” 

Wanda bites her lip and sighs. “I don’t have to search your mind. I trust you.” She kisses your lips. 

After an hour of laying in her bed, connected to each other, you eventually pull out of her. Some of your cum flows out when you do and Wanda catches some on her fingers. She sucks them clean and you almost get hard again. But you manage to control yourself since you’re no longer under the influence of whatever you were under. You grab her polaroid camera from the top of her dresser and you point it at her. She gets shy and pulls some of her sheets over her body. She covers her face with her long light brown hair and you snap a picture. You wave it to help develop the image even though you know it doesn’t really do much. 

You smile as you look down at the image a year later when you’re getting ready for your wedding. You put the image in your wallet again and it’s still there when you’re racing Wanda to the hospital to deliever the babies. You glance at it when you’re sitting with her in the nursery as you remember the first time you got to have the most wild sex with Wanda and think about how the chocolate her best friend gave her led to all of this. Natasha confessed to what she did in her maid of honor toast. You have it with you on your tenth wedding anniversary and show it to Wanda during the special dinner. She blushes as she remembers how things used to be before the two of you became parents. Although she still made enchanted candles, the Tommy and Billy were quite disruptive with nightmares and bedwetting. It made moments that the two of you wer alone long enough to have sex that much more special. 

“You still have this?” Wanda asks as she was looking for cash to pay the pizza guy for the twins fifteenth birthday party. 

“Babe, I will carry this in my wallet until the day I die,” you tell her and give her a sweet kiss before running the pizza boxes over to the insatiable teenagers. Wanda paid the man and smiled to herself as she admired her younger form. She kept herself quite fit and so did you, but she couldn’t help but think that some areas were tighter in the picture than they’ll ever be again. She puts it back into your wallet so that you can keep your promise and you do. 

The End.

[scarletwinterxx]

but on a wednesday in a cafe i watched it begin again - kim mingyu imagine

hiiiii - okay i'm so so so inlove with this one. may i say this is half inspired by real life scenarios haha anyways i hope you like it!

alsooo just a thought, would anyone want to be mutuals on X?

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

10 years ago

"Kyeom, I'm gonna go. I have assignments to do"

"What noooo, the game's just about to start" he mutters, he even kick feet like a little kid

"Then stay, but I'm going" you didn't even give him a chance to say anything because you're already out the gym doors. Your bestfriend used to your attitude at this point, he lets you be.

You pull your bag on your shoulders as you walk towards the school gates, some students were also on their way out since classes are done. Just as you were about to exit, someone calls your name making you look back.

When you spot who was calling you, confusion took over your face. Wondering why Kim Mingyu is here running after you when he should be inside with the basketball team.

"Hey, glad I caught you" he smiles at you.

Kim Mingyu, the guy who's known across all campus. He's the star student, all the teachers like him, he's never missed a class, he's good at studying, never the troublemaker, has a big circle of friends and an even bigger number of admirers from all across the school.

"What's up, do you need something?" you nonchalantly replied but that didn't deter him one bit

"Yea uh actually I wanted to ask you out" he scratches the back of his neck, looking down at his shoes as he waits for your answer

"Me?"

"Yea, I like you"

"Oh uh thanks. But I'm not really looking for that type of thing right now"

You watch the smile fall from MIngyu's face before it comes back again, it doesn't quite reach his eyes though. You notice.

"Oh"

"Yeah, sorry but uhm goodluck on your game though. I'm gonna go now" you wave goodbye before going your way. Not once turning to look back where Mingyu was left standing.

The rest of your high school life flew by like that. You still mostly kept to yourself, a few close friends, never really wanting to have any eyes on you. Mingyu never contacted you after that. You two acted like strangers once again, his confession something only you and him know.

Present Day

"Did you get the invite?" Dokyeom asks the moments he enters your apartment. After all these years, he's still your bestfriends. Most of your 'friends' from high school you've already lost contact with, you realized you were only friends with them only because you saw them everyday. Not many of them really made the effort to keep in contact, you can't blame them though since you didn't either.

But that's life. People come and go.

"For?"

"Our high school reunion, please tell me you're going"

"I did get it, and no I'm not going"

"What? Why? It'll be fun" he still does this thing where he stomps his feet like a kid when you say no to him, annoying but he's your bestfriend so you learned to put up with it.

"I don't even talk to anyone from high school apart from you"

"I'll be there, you can talk to me" he weakly reasons out, trying to plead with you is like trying to move a cement brick wall. He knows it's a losing battle but he still tries anyways.

"You won't stop bugging me unless I go, won't you?"

"You know me too well"

"Fine, but I'm not staying long"

"3 hours tops"

"2, take it or leave it"

Leave it to Dokyeom to make sure you're actually coming because by 5pm the day of the reunion, he came to your apartment even though you're taking your own car since you don't plan on staying as long as him.

"Oh you actually got ready" he says when you open the door

"I don't want another long message from you, let's go before I change my mind"

The two of you drove separately to the venue, as an introvert you admit when you got there you already want to go home. You see the familiar faces, already dreading the amount of small talks you have to do for the rest of the night. Cursing Dokyeom in your mind.

Your bestfriend didn't even give you a chance to step back inside your car before he's pulling you inside, saying hello to everyone on your way in. He's always been the nicer one between the two of you.

The two of you grab some snacks and drinks before continuing on meddling with your former schoolmates. Your social battery draining drastically by the second when you hear Dokyeom almost scream from beside you,

"Kim Mingyu! Yo dude you made it"

You look over where Dokyeom went, watching him give a bro hug to the guy. There Kim Mingyu stands, still as handsome as ever. A lot of years passed by but he still looks the same, just even better now.

The years have indeed been kind to him.

With everything happening around you, you can't help but feel overwhelmed. A few moments away from sneaking out but Dokyeom catches you once again before you can even give it a try

"Y/N's here too, you remember Mingyu right?"

You wanted to step on your bestfriend's shoes to make him shut up but instead you just shoot him a tight lipped smile before turning to the taller guy,

"Hi"

"Hey, it's been a while. I haven't seen you since... graduation"

"Yea, you too"

End of conversation.

You're still the same, Mingyu thinks. You're still the same girl he liked back then, you're still just as hard to read, still answering with single sentences, still beautiful like the day you broke his heart.

He wonders how you've been since then. Are you dating anyone or are you still out there breaking other guys' heart with your cold demeanor. He's still friends with Dokyeom and last he heard you've been doing okay. No mention of a boyfriend.

You don't give him a chance to ask any question, you say something to Dokyeom before walking towards the door

"Is she alright?" he can't help but ask

"Oh yea, she's being her usual self. It's a miracle I even got her to go tonight so I won't even be surprised if she's about to sneak home now, I'll just call her later"

"You two still close?"

"She's my bestfriend, dude. Of course we are, we're like twins ya know. Anyways how's the cafe going"

Mingyu hangs out with Dokyeom for the rest of the night, they didn't really run out of things to catch up on. He can't help but wonder how two very different people manage to stay close friends. But then again it's Dokyeom, one of the nicest guy he knows. At the end of the day, he's glad you're friends with someone like him.

The next day Dokyeom calls you to bombard you with stories about the reunion that you missed when you came home, he goes on and on about catching up with Mingyu then some other people from your batch you don't even talk to anymore but you listen anyways.

After the phone call, you get ready to go to work. You go on with your routine and before you know it you're done with your 9-5. That goes on for the rest of the week.

Some people hate it but you liked having a routine, it drives you crazy when things don't go your way.

Like tonight, your workmates all but forced you to come with them for afterwork drinks. You wanted to decline but you already done so many times so they made sure you come with them this time.

"Okay okay so what if you're in a room full of all the people you ever liked, who would you go to?"

Everyone take turns to answer until all head turns to you, "Oh me?"

"Yea, come on spill the details girlie we won't tell" one of your workmate jokes, clearly drunk

You take a few more seconds to think before you say your answer

"I guess this guy I rejected in high school"

"What? Oh my gosh whoooo, tell us tell us what happened" they excitedly ask

"Oh no big deal, just a guy. He was nice, like really nice. I liked that about him, but uh I guess high school me wasn't ready for any kind of commitment so I rejected him. I choose him because I want to apologize, that's all"

"Aw did you hear that? that's so cuteee"

"So where is he now?"

"I don't know, I never really kept in touch"

You grab your glass so you can avoid any more questions, after an hour to tell them goodbye since you still have to go to work tomorrow.

And as expected you woke up with a slight headache, even though you wanted to stay in bed for the day you know you can't. You get up and get ready for the day, planning to stop by this cafe your workmates keep on mentioning on your way to work.

Good things it's still early, when you got the cafe there were only a few people inside. You can smell the freshly brewed coffee and pastries on the stand.

"Next, Hi goodmorning what can I get you?"

"Hi, can I get an iced Vanilla Latte and a bagel with cream cheese to go? Thank you" you say your order while the cashier notes it down "Okay, for a moment I'll just get your order ready"

"Sure" you wait on the counter for your order, checking the other pastries and the menu board.

Mingyu was at the back, getting some stocks ready for the day when he spots someone on the counter. He had to do a double take to make sure it was you standing in his cafe, immediately a smile forming on his face as he watch you look at the display case.

You're too lost in your own world to notice him now standing Infront of you so he clears his throat to get your attention, "Can I get you something else, see anything you like?" he asks

He can see you weren't expecting to see him here, out of all places.

What in the twisted fate was this, you think to yourself.

"Oh uh the other barista already took my order" you tell him, Mingyu goes to the other guy telling him something before returning to the register with your order, "One iced vanilla latte and bagel with cream cheese, here you go. Anything else?" he asks again

"I think this is all for now, so how much?"

"On the house" Mingyu says with a smile, makes you wonder if he does this on a regular basis but you shake the thought away.

"What? No, come on I'll feel bad. Tell me how much" you tell Mingyu but he just shakes his head at you

"Free coffee for the pretty lady"

"Do you tell all your lady customers that?" you ask him, the words already out before you can stop yourself. You can feel your cheeks heat up but Mingyu just chuckles, again he shakes his head

"Just you, tell me next time how's our coffee and baked goods are then we'll call it even" he tells you, pointing at the suggestion box

"Are you sure? My workmates recommended this place and they said the coffee is good but I never really went with them" you tell him,

"You work close by?"

"A few blocks from here, I sometimes pass by here but it's always so busy. I guess I got lucky today"

All this time you were this close to where he was and he never knew. Mingyu mentally agrees with you, indeed it is a lucky day because for the first time since he met you you finally said more than one sentence to him.

17 year old Mingyu would be pouting and kicking his feet out of jealousy, he would never believe this day would come but here you are.

"Thank you for the coffee and food, uh see you around"

"You too, Y/N. It's nice to see you again" he smile again, you shoot him a small smile before going your way.

He watches you go out the door, the scene of you walking away hitting him like a Deja vu. A scene from 10 years go playing in head. Just as you were about to exit the door, to turn around to look at him behind the counter then shoot him another smile then you were gone.

This time though Mingyu wasn't left with a heart to mend but something to look forward to. Maybe just maybe this time it'll be his chance.

"You're down bad" Hoshi, his co-owner and other barista, says from beside him

"Huh?"

"Really?? Coffee for the pretty lady? so original" he laughs

"What? I never used that on anyone" Mingyu mumbles, "I know, that's why I said you're down bad. Who is she by the way?"

"Someone very special, call me when she comes back" he pats Hoshi on the shoulder before going to the back to resume his re-stocking duties.

Mingyu didn't want to expect (but he was), he would be lying if he didn't tell Hoshi he'd open tomorrow and man the register just in case you come in early again. He would be lying if he says he looked up every time the bell dings signaling another customer came in only it wasn't you.

It took you a few days before you visited again, and this time luck wasn't on Mingyu's side because he was not on duty.

"Hey, you're Mingyu's friend" Hoshi remembers you from the other day, greeting you with a big smile making his eyes almost disappear. He seems like a warm person, very friendly.

"Yeah, you can say that" you shyly answer him "Oh right sorry, what can I get you?"

"I'll get another iced vanilla latte. The last one you made was really good" you tell him

"Thanks, make sure to drop that inside our box" he jokes "Anything else?"

"Can you recommend any pastry for me to try? They all look so good"

"Honestly, not to be biased, everything's good here but that chocolate cake is extra special. Mingyu makes it himself everyday, want a slice?"

"Sure, sounds great"

Hoshi, you learn his name, goes and make your order like before then returns to the counter "Okay here you go, and the man says it's on the house"

"Huh?" you ask confused "Mingyu said it's on the house if ever you come back"

"Oh I can not not pay, he already said that the last time" you said, already getting your card out

"No really, he insists. And between us, I'd be in bigger trouble if I let you pay. If you want to scold him, feel free to do so and drop it in the box"

You chuckle, finally taking your drink and food "Thanks again, let me write something" you seat on a vacant chair to get a paper from inside your bag, writing a quick note before going back to the counter to drop it in the box. You say goodbye to Hoshi before going.

You feel your phone ring in your pocket, Dokyeom's name flashing on the screen "Barbeque later"

"Are you asking or are you telling me?"

"I'll come by after work" then he hangs up.

A few hours later, your bestfriend shows up with a few grocery bags and a loud mouth. You two catch up on what you missed on the few days you didn't get to talk, he likes staying up to date with your life even though nothing really ever happens. He's like the brother you never expected but you're now stuck with.

"Do you have any sweets here, chocolate or something" you hear him scrummaging through your kitchen

"I have a cake slice in the fridge"

Dokyeom finds it then walks back to the dining table, setting it in the middle to share between the two of you

"Oh gosh this is so good, where did you buy this?"

"At Mingyu's cafe, did you know he had one?" you ask back, Dokyeom's head springs up to look at you

"You went there? Mingyu did mention he had a cafe. So you two talked?"

"Yea he was there the first time I went, it was really nice the coffee is good. The other barista said Mingyu baked this" you tell him, taking another bite

"You know, you never told me why you rejected him"

Dokyeom suddenly mentioning that made you cough out loud, "You said you liked him right? Then all of a sudden you were telling me you rejected him"

"Are we really talking about this? It's been 10 years"

"Yea"

"Like I said, I didn't have the time and I got overwhelmed. Everyone knew who Mingyu was, I didn't want that kind of attention on me too. I guess 17 year old me got scared"

Dokyeom listens to you, watching you stab the piece of cake before taking a bite "For what it's worth, he really liked you back then. He even asked me what your favorites were, I said you liked cakes more than ice cream"

Back at the cafe, Mingyu comes in after Hoshi closes so he can start on baking tomorrow's batch of cake. He's in the kitchen getting the ingredients ready while Hoshi cleans the display case and front of the house.

He was humming to himself when he hears the kitchen door swing open, "Oh by the way Y/N dropped by today"

Mingyu forgets the number he was on, now he has to measure the flour all over again. He turns to look at his friend with an annoyed expression, Hoshi holds his hands in the air

"Hey don't blame me, not my fault she went here on your only day off. But I did say it's on the house courtesy of you, so you're welcome"

"Atleast you did something right" Mingyu says

"And she got the chocolate cake, she also dropped something in the box. Go check it when you're done, I'm going now" he waves goodbye before going to the office to do a few more things before leaving Mingyu alone at the shop.

He tries to focus first on what he's doing, going back to measuring the ingredients and putting it in the oven before going to the counter to get the box.

How will find your note here when there's about 30 others in here, he's not so sure. He reads through a few of them when finally he finds one

Coffee is great, maybe even better with company. On me next time I come back, thanks Gyu :)

He knows it's from you because of the nickname, a lot of people from highschool used to call him that. It may be common but it sounded extra special when you're the one calling him that. He takes the note and put it in his pocket before putting the others back.

Tonight's cake about to be extra good.

When Mingyu comes in the shop the next day he was expecting you to come, he wasn't going to lie about it this time.

It might seem silly but he never really got over his crush on you. There's something about you that he admired so much, even though people said you're the 'ice queen' with your stoic expression and one line answers he thinks you're just always straight to the point.

He never harbored hard feelings even after you rejected him, he understood your reasons. He knew you were focused on your studies but he just wanted to shoot his shot.

That day when he asked you, he already saw you in the gym before the game. He thought you were going to watch only for you to disappear a few minutes before they started, he chased after you with high hopes only to be handed his heart back in a few pieces. But even then he still liked you, he continued on admiring you from afar. Cheering you on your academic victories and cheering for you on your graduation day when you gave out your valedictorian speech.

He liked watching you achieve your goals, you always had that laser focus and determination. The entire class knew you deserved it.

Now a decade later, you're still the same in some ways. The night during the reunion party, he didn't expect to see you there. You didn't age a day, you still look so beautiful. You now carry this confident but reserved aura around you, he admits he was a bit intimidated to approach you so he thanks Dokyeom for being there.

The day passed by and still no sign of you, when he turns the open sign over to close he lets out the biggest sigh. Looking at the last slice of cake on the stand, ironically very similar to him. Waiting for you to come by.

He's busy mopping the floors to notice he didn't lock the front door, you just got out of work and decided to check if the cafe was still open. The sign said closed but you spot Mingyu inside so you try to knock on the glass door but he couldn't hear you so you let yourself in.

You walk closer to where he was before tapping him on the back making the tall man jump up in the air with mop in hand.

Mingyu turns around, holding his hand to his chest as he looks at you blinking back at him "Fuck you scared the shit out of me, sorry" he mumbles the apology after letting a few curses out

"Sorry, I didn't mean too. I knocked but you couldn't hear. Uhm is it a bad time?"

"No, I mean no it's good. I was just cleaning up. Do you want anything?" he asks you, putting the mop in the bucket before walking towards the counter with you following. He stands by the cashier while you stand on the other side

You spot the last piece of cake like it's calling your name, Mingyu following your gaze. Smiling to himself while he waits for your order.

"I'll get the last piece of chocolate cake, please. Hoshi recommended it yesterday and it was really food. Glad I got the last one" you smile

Little did you know he made that recipe with you in mind. He knew you liked chocolate cakes. "Chocolate cake coming up, anything else? Our cookies are good too, let me get some for you"

"As long as you let me pay for it"

"Not a chance, miss" Mingyu smirks, putting the remaining cookies in a box along with the cake before walking back to face you

"Not this again, you already got it for me the last few times I was here. How will you run a business if you keep on giving it out for free"

"I don't always do it" Mingyu shrugs

"Just let me pay please" you say giving him your card but he just pushes it back

"No"

"Mingyu"

He smiles, looking over at you. For a second you were taken back by his stare. The only way you can describe it was sweet, he looked so sweet like the cake he baked. He looked so soft and gentle like he wouldn't break a heart.

"Come back next time, I'll let you pay"

"You said that the last time"

"Then keep coming back, maybe one day I'll let you" he confidently tells you, the underlying message of wanting to see you again lies in the air. He holds his breath waiting for your next words,

"If you don't let me pay the next time, I won't come back" you threaten him cutely, finally taking the bag from him. Mingyu smiles walking to the other side to walk you out.

Before you reach the door you stop, "Actually, there's something I need to tell you" you turn to look up at him

"Go ahead, I'm listening"

You take a few seconds, again surprised with how he's staring right at you. Like he's seeing all of you.

"I would like to apologize for what happened before, you know the whole rejection thing. I know it's a bit overdue, actually it's very overdue but I've always wanted to say sorry. Someone asked me if I was in a room full of all the people I liked, who would I run to I said you. That's because I wanted to say sorry... so yea. I'm sorry" you mumble, now you're looking at his chest. Too shy to look at him

"You like me?" Mingyu mumbles

This make you look at him again, "That's all you heard?"

"I mean I appreciate the thought, apology accepted. Now back to my question.. I heard that right, right?"

"You're not wrong"

You and your one liner answers.

"So how many are there in the room" he asks, now he's teasing you. You can't help but scowl at him, rolling your eyes.

"It's a very short list and you're missing my point"

"No I get it, and no need to apologize. I respect your decision back then and I still do now. No need to say sorry over that, no hard feelings" he smiles at you.

Mingyu wanted to reach out and hold your hand but he stops himself. He didn't want to mess this again with you, if this is finally his second chance then he's not going to do anything to mess it up.

"I really am, it's been 10 years but I just wanted to tell you that. So yea.. that's uh that's all"

"Can I ask something?"

"What?" you ask back "Who else would be in the room with me, do I know the others"

"Oh my gosh! It's a very short list"

He laughs at your answer, reaching up to tuck the loose hair than fell on your face behind your ear.

"I believe you, tell me about it next time you get coffee"

"Seriously making me rethink about coming back here" you pout, this made Mingyu's heart pound like crazy. A hundred shots of espresso got nothing on you. Only you can make him feel this way, so alive.

"I'll bake you a cake" he bargains

"Chocolate?"

"All yours, on the house"

[utilitycaster]

Do you think this new option could lead to a break up in the party and some of the characters leaving the group? Because I can't see everyone agreeing that this is the best solution, but I also think Ashton is stubborn enough to refuse to consider anything else

This is going to be a very long answer for what is a pretty short question that could be answered in one sentence, and here's why.

I've gotten a lot of questions in the past week or so that are specifically asking me what I think the future will be - for campaign 3, and for Critical Role generally. And I've gotten a little frustrated by them, which is somewhat uncharacteristic of me because I love having opinions, but the fact is, I don't know and I don't even have strong opinions. So I dug into that, and why people might be asking these things more than usual, and I really think it's because the narrative of this campaign is so constantly under threat of derailment or going in the same old circles that pretty much anyone in the fandom with any sense of narrative structure, and what makes for a well-crafted story is like "so...what's happening." Which is translating as coming to me, a person who is very good at sounding confident and knowledgeable.

I do not fucking know. I share this frustration, and I cannot be the person to clear it up. i am not even the best at narrative or analysis in this fandom; as I pretty frequently state I took the hard STEM option with regards to my education so while I read a lot and have a pretty good sense for the lay person, there are actual like, trained and published writers. For what it's worth several of them are my mutuals and while I'm not putting the rest of this post on them I do feel safe saying they agree that the lack of narrative direction is at the heart of most people's frustrations with this campaign, even if they enjoy the characters. But getting back to the point, I do not know.

Here's where I stand on the actual plot before I go back to the bigger picture. I think that unless Bells Hells decide on their course of action pretty quickly, no ending will really feel satisfying due to that sense of directionlessness - and there are arguments for Bells Hells to take either the Arch Heart or the Accord's plan, though I think the Accord's is far superior, but they need to pick one.

Because of the ongoing issues with this party lacking perspectives that tied in well to this story and having to hinge everything on either one singular interpretation of one single instance in extraordinary circumstances (eg: Dorian), or stuff that feels, as I've said before, retconned, I have generally been extremely amenable to Bells Hells losing party members either through a split or through character deaths. This is not out of any sort of vindictiveness or dislike of characters, but just a hope that now that they know the vibe, the cast will make a character who has a perspective that is relevant to the story (which, FCG is not an ideal example because they happened to be the character who had perhaps best grown from their original concept to fit into the themes of this campaign, but Braius obviously is a very strong character informed by the story as well). I also think that a lot of the indecisiveness is part of the characters' various natures and that will also be a factor, especially since a new character can be both decisive, have a clear point of view, and be a lot more comfortable pissing off the rest of the party to assert it. So: if Bells Hells as they currently stand can decide what to do quickly, no need to break up! But if they can't, yeah, it would be to their and the story's benefit to do so. That's before we get into, for example, the sacrifice required from specifically Imogen or Fearne for the Arch Heart's plan; Ashton is not the one who has to risk their own autonomy for the rest of eternity. They might die in battle, but they will not become a husk housing an ancient hunger. I think the people who might have to do so get to decide.

Now: it may seem counterintuitive to demand a clear direction from a TTRPG, when part of the appeal is that we don't know how it will end, but the thing is, with the past campaigns, we did not know if the party would succeed but we knew that they wanted to do. Vox Machina could have fallen to Vecna but we always knew they were going to fight Vecna. The Mighty Nein's decisions not to get involved with the war are not indecision but rather a very clear decision (do not get involved). Their later reversal of that decision similarly follows from who they are and the richness of their pasts.

Bells Hells does not have that, and the endless circular conversations are both circular in game and a vicious cycle out of it; because we've always been focused on this plot from very early on and because the characters were not developed as strongly, we have a lot of very indecisive people who are too trapped in this crisis to develop and become decisive. In a way, it feels like Matt's been something like the Arch Heart here: saying "oh, THIS would be interesting, I wonder what will happen" at everything when it's like "ok but consequences are like, important, and maybe you should let things play out. I mean, two cycles isn't great but it is still only two; maybe you should actually let your children/players figure this out, even if it doesn't fit your idea of what should happen, instead of throwing yet another new thing at them."

So: I don't know and I don't have answers about Campaign 3 events at this point because, again, as someone who has a pretty good sense of what makes for a satisfying narrative, it has frequently subverted those requirements (which, to be clear, is bad - it's not genre subversion or a masterful play on expectations, it's subverting actual satisfying narrative beats; as someone said on one of my other posts in not quite so many words, it's like storyline-baiting). I know I tend to present my points with confidence, and I am pretty confident about a lot of things like CR lore and said sense of narrative, but like...maybe this guess on the fandom vibe is incorrect, but I think I'm getting these questions because people are saying "hey, do you know where we're going? I think I am reading this map wrong" to me and I'm here to say "no, you're reading it fine, we've gone off the road and are just kinda crashing through underbrush, and maybe we'll hit another road and continue on that and I can give some insight, but also we might go off a cliff, no way to tell."

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

So, I've seen a bunch of discourse on AI on the dash, particularly as it concerns RoP (but really, we can take this and apply it to any fandom, and it's still just as valid.) I kind of wanted to post this, both to stand in support of what other mutuals are doing, and also to act as a disclaimer for this blog, going forward.

I know in my time here (a little over a year), I've probably slipped and liked/re-blogged something that might, in fact, have been AI. I know for a fact I did this a few short days ago, simply because I got tagged, drawn in, (was giddy over being tagged, because it happens so rarely, and I crave interaction, but that is not an excuse by any means), etc. As soon as the lightbulbs all clicked on, and AI alarm bells went off, I backtracked, un-liked, deleted the re-blog, etc. We're all human. This can, and maybe even has, happened to all of us. But I'm making a point of saying this, now. I will be trying my very best to pay closer attention. To recognize the signs. Because I absolutely cannot support AI getting infinite levels of interaction and support when those of us who are actually creating things from scratch get literal crickets.

I can't do it. I won't do it. And I'm going to ask that, if any of you lovely moots do come across AI things, please don't tag me in them. I really, genuinely do not want to be a part of it.

Does this sound harsh? Maybe, though I truly don't mean it to be. Will I lose followers because of it? Probably, and I will understand completely if this means you want to part ways. I really just hope that we can all move forward, creating real things, not things that have been manipulated or exploited or flat out stolen from others that risk ruining the fun inherent in being a part of a fandom in the first place.

~pigeon

(ps->please, if anyone does happen to see anything AI on my blog, let me know! A DM, an ask, a comment on the thing itself, etc. I'm still learning to recognize all the signs, myself, and may still slip up, but I don't want to, so if anyone has legitimate feedback here, I welcome it with an open heart and mind!)

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[frenziedslashers]

Why Can't You Be Mine Already?

A/N: This is based on the idea that @joelsgeetar gave me! This was going to be multiple parts, but I suck at those so I just made it one for now. I hope to do a multi-chapter rick fic someday though :)) Sorry if this isn't the best either. Kind of started losing brain fuel halfway through 😭 Also tagging @catt-leya because they asked to be tagged :)

Pairing: Rick Grimes x GN!Reader

Request: What about Rick crushing on reader? How would he act? Would he confess? Would he show any jealousy? Does he get overly protective? Is he crazy like shane? (Bad joke). Fr I wanna know how this man is when he is IN LOVE. Bonus points if reader is a lil younger and related to Daryl. 😏

Warnings: Jealousy, possessiveness, MENTIONS OF CANON TYPICAL VIOLENCE AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF THE BIKER THAT SA'd CARL!!! mutual masturbation at the end, that's really it tbh.

REQUEST INFO || TWD MASTERLIST

The sun hit your skin just perfectly. Making you glow like no one he'd ever seen before. He couldn't take his eyes off you, he never could.

"Rick," his head turned when he heard the familiar voice behind him. A welcoming smile graced his lips as Maggie came to stand behind him. "Y'starin' at them ain't gonna make them kiss ya any sooner," she teased her friend, noticing how his face flushed a little darker. Smiling at the way he ducked his head down, bashfully. "I know," he muttered. Everyone knew that Rick had these feelings for you, but he was so scared to act on them. After everything with Lori, he was afraid he might lose you. Or he might not love you the same. Or- "why don't you tell 'em?" God, he wished it was that easy.

He felt like he had sunk further into the ground he stood on as he thought. His mind racing with thoughts while his thumbs were hooked on his belt loops. "Maggie.." He muttered under his breath. "It ain't that easy. After Lori..." He frowned, and she nodded. "I understand, but sooner or later they're going to move on from you. Just gotta do like Glenn and me, we didn't waste no time." She added with a cheeky grin. "Which reminds me, Glenn wanted me to ask you if you could help him with the walkers on the fence? I gotta help Beth and Daddy with some things." He nodded, looking over to the Greene girl, "Yeah, 'course."

That was months ago, now. He still hadn't opened up to you. He was going to, but it seemed like every time he wanted to tell you the moment wasn't right. The outbreak inside the prison happened. Then Woodbury happened, then they attacked and everyone was left running. He wasn't even with you when everyone ran. You were stuck hiding in the forest, searching the nearest areas for survivors with Michonne. Not that you were complaining, you knew that she would protect you and you would do the same for her. She was a friend.

"So," she muttered, fingers grabbing at her sword to pull it out of the holder. "You and Rick, what are you?" She asked, decapitating a walker with a swift movement of her sword. You truly admired what she did. It was a talent you wished you had. "Friends, I guess?" She laughed at that, shaking her head before putting her sword back. "I see the way he looks at you, how Daryl tries to pull you away from him. I don't think he thinks you're just friends." She quipped, and you felt your palms go sweaty, eyes darting to the side while you scoffed. Trying to cover up how embarrassed you felt.

You shook your head, strolling next to her down the street. "No way, I'm too young for him. He's ten years older than I am, why would he like me?" She shrugged, "I don't know, but he does. He cares about you a lot. When the Governor attacked, he was quick to put you behind himself. To order you to run even though you stayed to fight. He cares," She smiled over at you, and you shrugged. You wanted the subject changed, looking around the street until you noticed an empty can. "Look, what's that?" You asked, the both of you lurking forward. Eyes looking around for any sign of danger until you both reached the can of.. pudding? It still had wet pudding inside of it as well. Looking at it, then at each other, and finally, at the house next to you both and the can.

Michonne was the first to head up the steps. Her sword ready, you holding the hunting knife Daryl had given you for your birthday so many years ago - who knew it would be this handy?

Her stiff stance made your furrow your brows. Cocking your head with a slight frown. "What is it?" You asked once noticing the tears rolling down her face. Stepping up to the window to peek through the boards when she stepped to the side. Seeing Carl and Rick was the best feeling you could have felt. Your heart burned with excitement as you looked at your friend and the both of you stepped up to the door.

The stiff knocks at the door had the father and son scurrying to their feet. Looking at each other while readying their weapons. Rick gulped before ordering Carl to step behind him. Holding his revolver to his side while peaking through the peek hole in the door. It was Michonne, and you.

Even after all of that Rick only greeted you with a smile and a tight hug, which he quickly departed from. It was frustrating for both of you. Mostly yourself. The mixed feelings you got from the man were torturous, and you could tell Michonne was just as annoyed by Rick's actions. The four of you decided to stay back for a while. At least until Rick healed up enough for you all to leave. Or so you hoped. A group of men chased you all out of the safety of the house after sneaking in while Rick slept in the upstairs bedroom.

"Rick," you muttered to the man, breath hitching when his knuckles grazed the back of your hand and his shoulder bumped against your own while you all walked the train tracks. Hoping to find others from the prison. "Yeah?" He asked, drawl strong in his voice. You opened your mouth to say something, but you didn't even know what you wanted to say. Pursing your lips while focusing on the scenery in front of you. Rick kept his eyes on you until you spoke. "I'm glad you're okay," he felt his heart stutter at those words. His stomach clenched when you reached and gently grabbed his hand with your own. His eyes met yours as you turned your head to look up at him, smiling. "I'm glad you're safe, too." He hummed with a smile, giving your hand a light squeeze. The both of you continue down the road like this.

It seemed like nothing could go easy for the four of you. Further down the road, you just happened to stumble upon the Biker gang that Rick just so happened to kill one of their men back at the house you all reunited at. You held your ground as they lurked forwards and threatened you all, but you froze up when you saw Daryl. Your older brother pushing forward and shouting that you were all off limits. "Daryl," you spoke, and the leader smirked, giving you a once-over while licking his teeth. "That your lover?" Daryl scoffed at his words, "No, I'm their older brother, what are you, sick?" Daryl asked with a scowl. The gaze darkened when he noticed the way the biker looked you over. The hunter was thankful for Rick who pushed both you and Carl behind him.

The fight was a lot, to say the least. You were drenched in blood, having stabbed the man that pushed you against a car with your knife. Michonne shook out of anger while standing over another body. Daryl looked you over to make sure you were safe. You were more worried about Carl though, once Daryl knew you were safe, he was, too. You all were. The boy crying while holding onto his dad like if he let go the man would get him again. You gave Rick a sympathetic glance, offering a weary smile, to which Rick nodded. Face covered in blood after biting into the leader's throat.

Further down the road only seemed to get worse, too. One event after another seemed to happen, but Rick was there to save you. Again and again. Whether it be from Walkers or the hellish communities you all came across. He wasn't losing you. He never would, not on his watch at least.

It wasn't until you all reached Alexandria that you were all able to relax. You especially found joy in the little community. Bonding with a couple of the people within the walls. Joining your brother when he would go over to Aaron and Eric's house - you especially liked their company. Daryl seemed to as well, you could tell.

You had been so focused on hanging out with some of the new people that you hadn't even noticed the way Rick stared at you each time he caught you with someone he didn't know. The way his eyes lingered on you with longing eyes; with want. It hurt seeing you with other people, and he couldn't help but think about what Maggie told him all those months ago. "Sooner or later they're going to move on from you." Maybe she was right, and this was it. He was slowly losing you from his grasp. You weren't as wrapped around his finger as you used to be - or at least he didn't think you were.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" Rick muttered to you, grabbing your arm to ensure you wouldn't walk away from him. You noticed the look of worry and dread in his eye. Smiling softly while nodding. "Yeah, is everything all right?" He shrugged, motioning for a more private area. "Just.. Come on." He muttered, and you nodded, following him into the house.

He stood in front of you, but he didn't look at you. Both of you standing in the living room, his eyes fixated on the wall beside you. "Rick," you frowned, "what's wrong? You're scaring me," you added with a lighthearted chuckle. He finally looked at you, but his expression hardly changed. He still looked just as distraught. "I don't like you hanging out with Spencer," you furrowed your brows, confused as to where he was coming from. "I was just helping him out with some stuff." "I don't care, I don't like the way he looks at you," and you scoffed. You couldn't believe what he was saying to you.

A part of you was relieved that he still seemed to care, but that part of you was small. You were more annoyed and pissed than anything. Crossing your arms over your chest with a glare. "Why do you care?" You spat, and he winced at your tone. His own glare settled in his eyes. "Because I care, why do ya gotta be so damn stubborn?" Two could play at this stupid game. "Yeah? Well then you have to stop hanging out with Julie or whatever her name is." You shot back, and he looked taken back.

"What?" He asked in disbelief. "That blond chick, don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about. You see a damsel in distress and you go running to them. If you can make rules for me, I'll make rules for you too, Rick." He went back to staring beside you, but not for too long. Eyes snapping back to yours with a look you couldn't quite place. "Her names Jessie," "Do I look like I give a fuck?" He grinned, chuckling. "You act like you do." You rolled your eyes again, leaning back against the wall. "Oh please, don't act like you weren't just telling me to stop helping Spencer." You added, tilting your head, and his eyes stared. Flowing down to your lips, your neck... God, he wanted you so badly.

You caught his staring, smirking a little. "Deal?" He sighed, eyes tracing back up to yours. "Fine," you smiled, patting his chest, before pushing past him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go help Daryl with some stuff." He nodded, watching you leave. His eyes scanning over your body and wishing he would have just pulled you in for a kiss.

This went on for days longer, and it only seemed to get worse. You would catch him still talking with Jessie, so you'd talk to Spencer out of retaliation. Only pissing the former Sheriff off more. "I thought we had a deal!" He shouted, and you sniggered, "we did! But you broke it talking with Jessie yesterday! Don't act like I didn't see you, you asshat!" He looked genuinely hurt at the name-calling, and you almost felt bad. Almost.

"Jesus Rick! What are we even doing?" You hissed, and he stayed quiet. "What are we?" You snapped, but he had no idea how to answer that. "I don't know," he muttered, and you sighed, shaking your head before heading for the door. "Come find me when you figure out what the hell it is you do want, Rick. You don't find me soon, I'm gone," you muttered, the last bit of your phrase dripping with a hint of disappointment. You almost sounded, sad? He wasn't sure, all he knew was that he hated that tone in your voice, and the upset look in your eye as you stormed out. He was left standing there again, for the second time. Just this time it hurt him a lot more.

Daryl was the only person Rick could think about talking this out with. Dragging his feet to where he knew the hunter would be. Sitting in the workshop drinking a beer while fixing up his bike. "Hey," he muttered after the man when he realized he was just where he assumed. "You blew it, didn't ya?" Daryl asked without looking up from his work, and Rick furrowed his brow. The silence caused him to look up, shaking his head. "Don't act like I didn't know. I been their brother forever, Rick. I know when they like someone and I know when you like someone," he added, looking back down to what his hands were doing. "Everyone does," he muttered under his breath with a breathy chuckle.

Rick had no idea what to say, hands hanging awkwardly at his sides before pulling them up to cross over his chest. "Well, uh... Do I have your permission to ask them out? We had a fight, and they asked me what we were, I said I don't know." Daryl shrugged. "Rather it be you than any of the preppy pretty boys in this shit-hole." He added, looking up at Rick with a smile. "No promises they don' bite, though." Rick smiled, laughing lightly at that. Glancing down before his eyes met Daryls again. Noticing how his stare seemed to darken. "No promises I ain't gonna beat the shit outta ya if ya hurt 'em, too." He snarled, and Rick nodded. "I understand, I won't. You have my word," Daryl nodded. "Ya better go find 'em before they fuck the Monroe kid t'get back at ya." Rick rolled his eyes at Daryl's words, but he understood. Thanking the man before he turned to wander off and find you.

It took him nearly twenty minutes before he discovered where you were. Walking up to where you sat near the pond in town. Sitting next to you with a sigh. "Hey," you hardly acknowledged him. Rick ached, not realizing how much he loved your smile that always greeted him anytime he spoke to you. "Look, I'm sorry 'bout everythin', I just got worried 'bout you. I know you can handle yourself," he muttered, hands resting on the ground beside him, legs resting in front of him. "I just.." He sighed, "I care about you, a lot more than I'm comfortable with." You kept your gaze in front of you but listened to everything he said. "I was just so scared that I was losing you here, every time I looked you were with someone new. Chatting away, smiling, and don't get me wrong. I love seeing you happy, S'one of my favorite things, but..." He paused again, sighing as he raked his brain for words. "I hated that you stopped talking to me as much. I wanted it to be me makin' you smile like that. Me who you ran around with and laughed with." He ducked his head down. "It's stupid, now that I say it out loud." He chuckled, and you shook your head, smiling softly as you reached to grab his hand.

Rick's head jerked to look down at your hand. Smile slowly spreading to his lips as he looked up to meet your eyes. His gaze was soft, speaking all the words he wanted to say. "I like you too, Rick Grimes," you spoke, and he smiled more. "That mean Spencer's out of the picture?" You hummed, teasing him by pretending to think, even though you knew the answer was 'yes'. It was always yes. "Yeah, only if Jessie is too." He snickered, bringing his arm to wrap it around your shoulders, leaning his head on top of yours. "She never was in the picture," he commented before you both fell quiet again.

"S'a pretty view." He stated, and you smiled, "Yeah, it is," you sighed, "Think sleeping would be a nicer view," you chuckled, and he nodded, his own body screaming for him to go to bed with how late it was. "Wanna lay with me?" He asked, and you smirked, "No promises I won't keep ya up," he chuckled, shifting so he could stand up and pull you up to your feet as well. "Well, we better get there fast so we aren't up any later than we gotta be." He cooed, staring down at your lips with a soft hum. You didn't stand long enough for him to be able to kiss you, though. Pulling him off towards the house.

His eyes were on you the whole time. Watching your body as he drug behind you. Just the thought of lying next to you got him hot and bothered. Cursing himself mentally for how much you turned him on. For how touched deprived he really was. If anything, the hand-holding wasn't helping the tent that slowly grew in his pants. Growing more and more uncomfortable with each step. All he could think about was your hand compared to his, and how his dick would feel in your hands.

The second that door to the bedroom closed behind you both, he was shoving you up against the wall. A hiss leaving your lips at the force of his actions. "Shit, Rick," you hummed with a smirk, "You want me bad, don't ya?" He only grunted in response, mouth moving straight to your own. "Wanted ya for a while," he murmured against your lips, caging your body with his own. His breathing only hitched when your fingers snaked into his hair and pulled. God, he forgot how much he loved that feeling. Pressing his body against you while kissing you with force.

He was quick to move down to your neck. Kissing and nipping, leaving hickeys in order to make sure that Spencer and everyone else that looked at you got the message that you were his. The noises you made from the action were just a plus. His hands pawed and groped at your skin before hastily working on removing the clothing from your upper body. He was far from gentle when he did this. Ripping and tugging at the fabric. "Jesus, you dick," you huffed out, "Lucky this isn't my favorite shirt," you scoffed, and he chuckled, pulling his own shirt over his head.

You were quick to shut up at the other's exposed skin. Both of you eating each other's figures up. Hands roaming in order to map the other's bodies. Both of you found where the other seemed to like to be touched the most. It was your turn to leave marks, though. Pushing him towards the bed while your mouth latched onto his collarbone. Kissing and sucking while pushing him down onto the bed. Climbing over him so you were straddling his lap with a grin. Leaving a mess of hickeys on his neck that showed the shape of a heart. Pulling back to admire your work and the panting mess that Rick had become underneath you. "There, now no one's gonna be takin' you from me either." You snickered, and he smirked. He loved feeling owned just as much as he loved feeling like he owned you now, in a sense.

He was quick to grab at your thighs when you ground down against him, a growl leaving from behind his teeth while he clenched his jaw. Watching as you repositioned your legs so you were between his thighs. Smirking at the curious glint in his eyes, and the way his face seemed to turn even more red than before.

"What're you- fuck!" He snarled, bucking into your hand as you palmed him through his jeans. His head fell back with parted lips. He was beautiful. "Just let me take care of ya, Rick," you cooed, and he nodded, "Fuckin' hell, just take m'jeans off, please." he pleaded, and it was like music to your ears. "Anything for you, baby," you teased, trailing kisses over his chest while undoing his pants. Working quick since you were just as eager as he was. Daryl was right, too. You did bite, but Rick wasn't complaining in the slightest. If anything, it just had him eager for more. Hands grabbing eagerly at the back of your head when you leaned down to pull him in for another kiss.

His lips parted when you finally undid his jeans and reached past his boxers for his dick. His hips bucked into your hand when your thumb brushed over his tip. "Fuck, feels so good," he blurted, and you smiled, hand working up and down his shaft after spitting into your own palm while he became a panting and grunting mess below you. Biting his bottom lip to do his best to stay quiet. "Shit, wanna fuck you so bad," he murmured, and you hummed, feeling your stomach knot up at the thought. "Really? Why can't I fuck you?" He shuddered at the thought, growling into the kiss he pulled you in for.

Rick was grabbing at your jeans while you continued jerking him off. Calloused hands pulling your pants down enough so he could reach down into your own boxer to touch you. Pulling away from the kiss to spit on his own hand and give you the same treatment. His hand reached down your undergarments in order to grab you. Your hips thrust into his hand at the contact. "Shit, Rick," you hissed, and he smirked, though it quickly faded. Furrowing his brows with a groan when you squeezed his shaft.

The both of you touched each other until you were both reaching your highs. Rick was the first to go, and you followed shortly after. Fluids covering each other's hands. Rick panted while pulling his jeans off the rest of the way in order to feel more comfortable in the bed. Watching as you did the same.

"Shit, haven't felt that good in ages," you murmured, and he chuckled, nodding his head. "Neither," he lazily spoke. Eyes feeling even heavier than when you were both sitting at the pond. He still brought himself to stand up, though. Throwing his legs over the side of the bead to head for the bathroom. Coming back with a towel in order to wipe the both of you down. Giving you a chaste kiss while tossing the towel back toward the bathroom. Settling when it hit the tiles right at the entrance before climbing back into bed next to you. "Next time we're more awake, maybe we can do more than just that," he murmured into the side of your head as he pulled you close. A small hum left your own throat as you lazily draped yourself over him. "Definitely, not lettin' ya go now," he smiled, "You're just as stuck with me."

[ussjellyfish]

Here's an ask for you! Was there a specific on-screen moment when you started shipping Michael/Laira?

Oh thank you!!

They have an ARC. They have an on screen arc, and I'm so accustomed to making things up (Beverly Crusher/Kathryn Janeway), or working with a handful of episodes that don't have an arc (Maleficent/Regina Mills).

Long post!

Michael is finally captain, which has been a long time coming, and she loves it, she's good at it. Season 4 is peak Michael.

I have wanted to have a ship for Michael since the show started, because I adore Michael, and nothing really hit me until Laira and Michael started talking to each other.

Episode 1 - wrecking ball era

They don't really like each other at first. Laira is "using a moment that should be about the cadets" and Michael is "a huge swing of the pendulum" who doesn't understand that sometimes she might lose.

Michael hasn't lost for awhile, so Laira has a point. Michael needs to save everyone (this is a really common rock star captain thing).

And fate has handed Michael a whole set of events where she was literally the only person in the galaxy who could fix it. Michael found a way to peacefully end the Klingon war without going as dark as parts of Starfleet wanted too.

Michael and her crew literally saved the future by going ahead in time, preventing control from getting the sphere data. It's a huge sacrifice, and they were willing to make it, and it's also a huge win. Everyone was saved.

They have this really honest, almost brutal conversation, where they both have very valid points and they're polite to each other, but they are in opposite places. Michael wants to bring everyone home. She doesn't want to mitigate life and death. Laira thinks she might need too.

And they're from very different places. Michael's from this incredibly optimistic time, where bad things happened (the Klingon war, losing Captain Georgiou, Control tries to evolve and Starfleet really grasps at straws) but the bad things are brief, and traumatic, but they persevere. They're rebuilding after the war and maybe they can be allies with the Klingons some day: Michael has retained her hope, and for good reason. Things improve, she has solutions. Her skillset is phenomenal.

Laira grew up in a universe with scarcity. She was a cargo pilot, and didn't go to the Science Academy, or the Academy on Earth, or even really see the Federation or Starfleet as what they were in Michael's time. Starfleet has hundreds of ships where Michael came from, Starfleet is a force for hope. Laira's whole life has been in a galaxy where Starfleet is tiny, and can't help, and they try, but the needs are so great, and everyone is so isolated that hope is a harder thing.

They have a whole set of conversations about leadership, and balance, and hope, and Laira pushes Michael to be better in the beginning.

They start out standing together, and end standing on opposite ends of a table. The blocking is fun, their whole conversation is so fun. They're an mildly antagonistic allies to lovers at this point. They believe in the Federation, but have differing approaches to leadership, and don't have a high opinion of each other but the mutual respect is there.

I rewatch this episode when they need banter, or I need to have them argue. I desperately wanted them to talk more after this episode. I loved Laira immediately, but I didn't write fic for them yet.

So I had interest, but I wasn't shipping shipping yet.

Episode 4 is when I did that.

In episode 4, mutual respect era, Laira conspires with Vance to get Michael and Saru to come help her with diplomacy. It's an fun insight into Laira's personality that she asked Vance to pretend to be sick, or told him to, because she wasn't sure if she wanted to ask Michael and Saru directly.

She moves pieces, and Michael's a really powerful piece.

Laira (and T'Rina) perform their political theater (and you find out at the end that they've been friends for a long time, and kind of set it up together, which is also interesting. I like the world building in this ep.

The shipping comes when Michael goes to convince Laira that they shouldn't give up. Michael and Saru come up with a plan, and it's a very Michael plan. It wouldn't work if she wasn't who she is.

Bringing Michael in is Laira's last ditch gamble, and it works. Michael throws herself at the problem and comes up with an elegant solution and proves that she is actually so adept at the thing she doesn't like. (politics).

(the table is BACK and they're at opposite sides again, but they move closer to each other! There's a whole meta I need to write about this table.)

The last scene of this episode is the one that launched my ship. They're achieved the mission. Ni'Var is coming back into the Federation. Saru and T'Rina are flirting so they're both amused by that. They're alone together and there's a fire and Ni'Var conference rooms are romantic, pretty lighting.

Laira walks around Michael, and sits on the conference table. It's one of the first times we see her relax. She sits down, not because the meeting is sitting, but because she wants to. Maybe when it's just Michael she can?

It's this shift in power and an opening and vulnerability because she must have had such a long day, and Michael saved it, and she doesn't have to be the President for Michael.

They open up to each other! Laira complements Michael for being good at politics even though she hates it. Laira admits that Vance wasn't really sick (in a roundabout way, she's coy and flirty about it, so it's not a real admission, which suits her).

Michael looks at her like THAT. Sonequa has the most beautiful face and this looks absolutely destroys me.

Laira tells Michael that she had to protect President T'Rina (who warned her that the negotiations were going to implode).

They have this exchange.

Michael walks over to her. "If you wanted my help, you could have just asked me."

They lean on the table together. Laira bites her lip. "Truth be told, I wasn't sure you were the right person for the job, but I'm glad you were."

"I appreciate that. I know transparency isn't always possible in your position but it is what I need, to best serve you and the Federation. So if you could be more forthcoming in the future, I'd appreciate that as well."

"Understood, Captain."

So much happens here. Michael says what she needs, and she's direct and polite. She has the most impeccable etiquette and always calls Laira 'ma'am'. Here she doesn't. Laira listens, nods, accepts what Michael needs and she's the one who uses her rank as a sign of respect.

Then they shake hands, which Laira initiates and it's beautifully shot with the fire in the background, AND Laira covers Michael's hand with hers before she leaves. The music swells. There are strings and horns!! (it's so fun!).

(Also this was on during touch starved COVID era and holding hands felt like a BIG DEAL).

Laira takes Michael's request to heart and asks her for help the next time she needs it.

I shipped them, so very much after this. Laira's not in the next two episodes, but she is in episode 7!

Episode 7 - power couple era.

Michael teases Laira about wanting Earth back in the Federation, Laira admits that her mother's family is from Earth and her mother never got to see it. (Vulnerability! ambition! Michael reading her so easily).

Michael stands next to Laira through the negotiations. Laira tells Michael that she has to be neutral but she thinks Michael can steer the negotiation, if she's ready for that.

(transparency!)

Michael gives an fantastic speech for peaceful first contact, and they're successful. (Laira's hands her are really cute).

Then there's "Captain, I need you with me" and I was so gone. They work together so well to accomplish things. Laira sees Michael's incredible abilities. Michael reads what Laira is thinking. They achieve something they both want together.

Episode 8 - not many people have the ability to surprise me, captain.

The episode starts out with Laira livid. She paces, her diction is razor sharp, and she fidgets with her hands. It's the most unsettled we've seen her so far.

Laira not being able to deal with something and Michael trying to help was what set off my 170,000+ word WIP that is over two years old. Something unexpected should happen and Laira should be mad about it was the starting point.

(also the episode bookends with this shot, which is really clever).

I have a whole set of thoughts about episode 10 and the end of the season, but this was how I got started. This look helped. Michael surprises Laira by how competent she is. Michael does looking several steps ahead thing and turns a loss into a win and it's very coy and fun.

Laira wings her hands later in engineering and that obviously meant she needed to go through something with michael and the Discovery crew could help and...

I did the most shipper me thing I could possibly do and started a fic where she got pregnant.

Thank you so much for asking!!! this was so fun to put together. (and took days).

Special mention to the way Laira can make "captain" both a compliment and an insult, depending on her mood. (it's the other half of my Michael saying "ma'am" kink.

[leviathanlazarus]

Touch Me & You'll Never Be Alone - Part I

No matter how much heartbreak the Kiszkas go through, there’s one person who is always there for them, who’s never going to leave.

Part I - Lights Down Low

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Josh Kiszka

Word Count: ~4k

Warnings: SLASH (don't like it, don't read it!), non-penetrative sex, handjobs, fluff, lots of spooning + cuddling. 18+ ONLY.

A/N: I can't believe this is the first Danny x Josh fic I've ever written. This idea of the 3-part series came to me suddenly and this one just poured out of me. Also, no, I am not at all rooting for any of the boys to have an IRL breakup LOL. But I do like playing up Danny in his Slut Era in fanfiction. I hope you enjoy ;)

---

Despite Josh usually feeling distinctly like a true older brother to Danny, there were times here and there that he didn’t. Danny thought it was just because Josh was naturally flirtatious–not even overtly, not in a seductive way even, but because he was so open and free and one of the most physical people he’d ever known. Sometimes the hugs went a little long; sometimes the brief touches were strong on Danny’s skin; sometimes the look in Josh’s eyes bordered on mischief, sometimes on what Danny could only describe to himself as desire. It always sent him into a bit of a tizzy when that happened, made him trip over his words when the time came to speak, or stumble, suddenly losing all grace and decorum. 

The first time he’d caught one of Josh’s not-so-brotherly looks was just before their second album was released. Danny could remember clearly within the context of that time–the sudden distress of a global pandemic, the distance, the struggle it had been to record, the change of management, the stress on all of their relationships within the band and beyond. So many changes between Anthem and now, he thought as he brushed his teeth in front of the hotel mirror, that he sometimes wasn’t sure how they’d even made it through. But now here they were, doing well enough to each get their own hotel rooms after producing a third full album and beginning another tour. 

After spitting and rinsing, he looked at himself, proud to think that he liked what he saw. A lot, actually. And it wasn’t just because so many of the fans thought he was hot–he’d seen the changes in himself, both unintentional and intentional, and felt like he’d grown into being the fiery (quite literally these days), solid beast of a drummer, the backbone and also the heartbeat of the band. So, in a way, he stopped being surprised when Josh would touch him for too long or look at him in that curious, wanting way; it was flattering. Danny embraced quiet praise more than vocal praise even to this day. 

The excitement of the tour seemed to be fizzing through all of them continually even despite the personal setbacks. Josh especially was dealing with a lot–a breakup that had seemed sudden to Danny until he heard more about the intricacies and drawn out hurdles, things he’d missed because Josh was so good at being private when he wanted to be. It had taken them all by surprise, really, and Danny felt for him. His own breakup had been difficult and he’d seen it coming from a mile away. But with Josh’s breakup, there had been a moment–or really, a long string of minutes suspended between them that felt like both an eternity and a second–when his older brother nature completely disappeared and he just wasn't. 

And secretly, Danny had been wanting something like that to happen again. So when a knock came upon his hotel room door and he opened it to see Josh standing there, barefoot and in slouchy, soft pajamas, his heart did a little flip. 

“I’m not tired,” Josh announced, taking it upon himself to breeze right past Danny and enter his space. There was that big brother energy, Danny thought, but it was still an unusual gift. Josh answered his silent question by saying, “Jake’s passed out and Sam is having a mutual masturbation session with his girlfriend.”

Danny snorted, shut the door. “Seriously?”

Josh laughed, plopping himself down on the foot of the bed. “I’m not entirely sure, but something along those lines, I imagine.” 

“Well,” Danny began, suddenly feeling sheepish. He and Josh had never talked about what happened before, right after the breakup–and while it wasn’t exactly fresh, it wasn’t exactly buried either. But Josh didn’t talk about things that didn’t need to be discussed–Danny knew that and decided to trust it. 

Josh looked up at him, that impish mischief twinkling in his dark eyes. “Don’t tell me you were going to bed already, Daniel.”

“I was only preparing,” Danny defended, still standing, not sure of what to do with himself, so he asked, noting once again that Josh was in PJs and clearly not ready to go out out, “What do you wanna do?”

Josh crawled up the bed and put himself right against the pillows, curling his legs up so he was nestled into the white pillows and propped up against the headboard. Danny could have laughed; he also could have choked, and a strange, strangled sound that was a bit like both came out at what he was witnessing. Thankfully, Josh didn’t seem to notice as he was making himself right at home. He just patted the space next to himself and said, “We could watch a movie.” 

With no other choice really, and not exactly wanting one anyway, Danny stepped through the low light, the soft golden glow from the bedside lamp and the slant of white light from the mostly-shut bathroom door. He got next to Josh but stayed on top of the blankets, hesitant. Wanting, but still hesitant. Josh had been pretty tipsy the last–and first–time they’d strayed out of “sibling” territory; he was sober now, Danny noted, but perhaps still vulnerable if Josh was coming to his room. If he really wanted to, Josh would wake Jake up or force Sam off the phone call or whatever. But then Danny remembered something Josh had said during that feverish, frenzied, raw time between the two of them. 

“You're always there,” Josh had said while his hands moved underneath Danny’s shirt, nimble fingers spreading over Danny’s abdomen and then further up to his chest. “You ground people, Danny. We'd be damn lost without you.”

At the time, Danny hadn’t registered how profound those words now sounded in his mind as he replayed them. Now, lounging next to Josh, he felt a swell of pride in his chest. 

He grabbed the remote. “I don’t even know what channels are on here. Is there Pay-Per-View or something? Is that still a thing?”

Josh chuckled. “Netflix exists, you know.”

“Oh.” Danny didn’t watch much TV when they were at hotels. He was surprised Josh was even privy to this information. 

“Oh boy,” Josh said with a small sigh, and Danny saw an amused little smile on his face as he reached across him with his whole body, extending his arm to find Danny’s phone on the other side of the bed. “Let me do it.” 

Danny let him take it, watched as Josh opened the app and connected it to the TV. “Been watching a lot of movies on your own lately?” he questioned, digging without really intending to dig, but the speculation was confirmed by Josh’s answer.

“Since I became single again,” he said, stealing the remote from Danny. “Sometimes film really is cathartic.” 

Sure, Danny thought, Josh was always passionate about film. It was just that some of that had taken a backseat since they’d blown up. A little chord of sadness was struck in his heart as he thought about Josh being unusually reclusive, relying on movies to get him through the dark times. Of course he’d also relied on Jake and Sam and, sure enough, Danny too, to get him through it all as well, but maybe Danny hadn’t realized how deeply Josh was still hurting.

“How’re you doing with that?” he asked as Josh flipped through the seemingly endless number of titles in the app. 

Josh glanced up at him, looking angelic in the dimness of the room, sharp cheekbones, sharp jaw but soft, gentle eyes and those pretty, full lips that Danny could remember feeling against his own. He expected more vulnerability, a broach to an open dialogue that would be both intimidating and curious, but Josh grinned and said, “Better with good company, my good man.” 

Danny chuckled. “Oh, good.” 

Josh finally settled on not a movie but a nature documentary, but Danny couldn’t focus much on the brilliant colors on the screen; he was fixated on the warm weight of Josh so close to him, almost touching, and the fresh, green scent of his damp hair and clean body. It didn’t take long for Josh to inch closer and closer until his head was on Danny’s shoulder and his hand was on Danny’s thigh–at that point, Danny was holding his breath, body stiff, totally unsure of how to play this out despite knowing what he wanted. He didn’t mind being a rebound of sorts, if that’s what this was, he just didn’t know if that’s what Josh wanted.

He decided he was just going to do his best to relax and go with the flow–he was good at that. He could do it, even if he did just want to haul Josh on top of himself and swallow him whole. Danny had never realized how strong his own attraction was to him until Josh had made that first move weeks ago–since then, he’d wanted more. Josh’s charisma had finally enticed him in a way well beyond just being friends and, yes, of course, brothers from other mothers. 

Josh was so quiet that Danny wondered if he’d actually just drifted to sleep, but then he felt the wandering hand on his thigh move up just a bit, the slight pressure making his skin tingle beneath his shorts. He stayed still; Josh reached for Danny’s left hand and took it, wrapping that strong arm around his waist, forcing Danny to hold him closer. And Danny knew Josh needed physical touch, that closeness, that most intimate intimacy–it was just who he was. So Danny wasn’t entirely a stranger to the occasional cuddle-fest, but this was the first one since their past encounter and the first time Josh’s hand had ever found itself so close to his crotch. He was willing himself to just leave at this and enjoy the close contact until Josh’s fingers tread along his waistband. 

“Josh,” Danny said, swallowing hard to prevent the annoying sound of him clearing his throat–he was finding it challenging to speak. “What do you want right now?” His voice was soft enough to make the question sound more gentle than it could have, thankfully, and it was truly all he wanted to know. 

Josh didn’t even hesitate. “I want you to touch me,” he said, turning on his side so Danny had to look at his face again, into the glittering bronze irises behind dark, long lashes. “I want to touch you.” 

There were questions that bubbled to the surface of Danny’s mind–Are you sure? What happened last time? Are you okay? Is this really what you want? But Josh always led with both his heart and mind–Danny told himself in the brief second he had before Josh hooked one small, muscular leg over his, that he wasn’t going to worry because he didn’t need to worry. So he grabbed that leg and pulled Josh closer, his arm around that lithe little waist hugging him tight against his torso; Danny saw a quick glimpse of a smile on Josh’s rosy lips before they were touching his own and then he was lost in the feeling, thoughts gone. 

It proved quickly to be a different experience to touch and kiss Josh while they were both sober. Josh’s kisses were a little slower, a little softer, and Danny matched the pace and pressure; Josh’s hands still felt all over Danny’s body, moving from thighs to stomach to chest and back down and all around, but there was less urgency and more exploration. Curiosity that Danny also felt, and he mirrored some of the touches against Josh’s back, feeling the muscle of his shoulders and the slight dip right above his ass. Josh made a little noise against Danny’s mouth when he touched there, lips parting wider, and Danny was happy to welcome the first touch of Josh’s tongue against his own while he dared to bring his hand lower. Maybe he could elicit another noise like that if he just–

Josh moaned, sweet and sinful, when Danny outright grabbed his ass, squeezing one cheek with more force than even he’d expected. He brought his lips to Josh’s jaw, taking a breath before he asked, “Like that?”

“Mhmm,” Josh answered, nodding. He started to grind himself against Danny’s thigh, making his hard-on known, and even though Danny had quite a clear idea of what Josh was packing thanks to those jumpsuits and the brief hold he’d had on him through their clothes last time, the heat, weight and size of what was pressed against his leg was still a little intimidating. More intimidating was the fact that Danny’s only other experience came from Josh’s brothers, something he was pretty sure Josh was still entirely unaware of.

Danny bit his own lip when Josh managed to get a hand down his shorts. He was hard too, which Josh seemed exceptionally pleased with–he pulled back, grinning, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. “Ooh, Danny,” he purred, glancing down as if he could actually see what he was grabbing through Danny’s shorts. “Why haven’t I seen this before?” 

“I’m pretty sure you have,” Danny said, remembering that time he and Sam were wasted and decided to skinny dip, leaving Josh and Jake behind because the lake was “too cold.” Not to mention the countless showers and other hotel rooms. Surely Josh had sneaked peeks before.

“I wanna see it again,” Josh told him, tugging on the waistband while pushing Danny’s shirt up at the same time enough to reveal that famed happy trail and a slight strip of pubic hair. “Do you wanna see me too?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Danny said, dizzy and hot but managing to grab the hem of Josh’s shirt. Josh’s grasp on him left to finish the job, tugging his shirt over his head, and Danny’s hands flew to the firm, warm chest, grabbing Josh under his arms. He pulled him on top and then Josh flew into action, writhing on top of him, humping Danny hard while he attacked his mouth. 

While Josh’s teeth found Danny’s bottom lip, his hands found the pesky t-shirt again and they broke apart for him to tear it away from Danny’s body; Danny shivered both from the sudden blast of the a/c and Josh’s hands running up his sides, one landing on the side of his neck, fingers brushing through his hair. When the desperate, fast movements of Josh’s hands sliding down between them, pawing at his shorts to urge Danny to get them off, he couldn’t even comprehend the feeling of gratitude and confidence that was coming to life inside of him. Even more when Josh, slithering down his body, eyes gazing over every exposed inch of him, looked up and said, “God, you are so gorgeous.” 

Sure, Danny had gained so much confidence over the years, but hearing that from Josh was a different story, even if Josh was always generous with his compliments. But now those words were dripping with sensuality and desire, the slow, low delivery of them lingering in Danny’s ears. He couldn’t reply when Josh got both of them completely naked and climbed back on top, hands clasping the sides of Danny’s face, kissing him deep and slow. 

And Danny knew what he was doing in bed most of the time, and Josh had told him what he wanted–for Danny to touch him. So his own hands moved languidly around Josh’s body, stroking his arms, gliding over his back around to his abdomen, around again to squeeze his ass again and bring them closer, their erections finally making contact. Josh moaned again, smothered by Danny’s lips and then his tongue slipping into his mouth, and Danny reciprocated, a rumble deep in chest just barely audible. He couldn’t hear the TV anymore and wondered when Josh had managed to mute it, but the flicker of blue and green glow flashed beyond his closed eyes; when he opened them, catching some air, Josh was cast in it, a halo of cool light around his messy curls. 

“How do you wanna–?” Danny asked, sensing this pause was building up to something more. Josh rolled off him and onto his side, facing away, and grabbed Danny’s hand again to rope him over; Danny followed dutifully, now able to sense more of what Josh wanted. He hooked his leg over Josh’s and his arm over his chest, pressing his own chest to Josh’s back, his nose in that damp hair. Josh reached back to grab Danny’s hair in turn while he brought Danny’s hand down to his cock. 

“Jesus Christ,” Danny said softly, really just to himself while he was caught in a daze, fighting to follow purely instinct and not give way to any trepidation. Consequences could come later. But if Jake and Sam were any indicator, he actually felt like the chance of there being none was good. He knew his place in the entire band now. So would Josh like what his brothers like? He tested the waters, cupping and lightly squeezing Josh’s balls; Josh squealed and Danny stopped, thinking that no, he absolutely did not like that, but then Josh wiggled back against him and asked him to do it again. 

“Tell me what you like,” Danny requested, thinking that Josh actually using his words would be more interesting than just mimicking what he’d done with others. 

“That. I like that,” Josh told him, tugging on Danny’s hair, arching his back when Danny repeated the action. “You’ve got big hands, Danny–use them.”

Danny groaned. He rubbed his own hard cock against Josh’s ass as he began to stroke him, his, yes, big and undoubtedly skilled hand wrapped around Josh, who was starting to leak precum into his palm. Danny used that–he rubbed his palm over Josh’s slit and fisted the wetness around him and the sound Josh made assured Danny that he was grateful for the lubrication. Danny brought his chin to Josh’s shoulder, turned his head to nibble at his ear and down his neck, slight bites turning into wet kisses. 

As vocal as ever, Josh was freely letting whines, moans and the occasional pleas and praise slip from his mouth, and Danny was trembling behind and around him. He was finding it increasingly difficult to stay where he was, just spooning and just jerking him off, but if this is what Josh wanted, so be it–he didn’t doubt he was going to bust his own load soon enough with the friction he was creating by his own grind and Josh’s constant movement. With the other hand that had been resting on Josh’s chest, locking them together, he tilted Josh’s face to his and angled himself right enough to kiss him again; Josh tugged even harder at Danny’s hair, making his scalp sting but it only fueled the fire within to the point that he had to warn Josh of his impending combustion. The closeness, the shared sweat and heat, the novelty of being tangled up with Josh was such a delirious turn-on. Danny had no idea how he was going to navigate this after the fact, but that warning thought quickly disappeared as Josh’s teeth dug into his lip and his cock twitched and leaked in Danny’s hand. 

There was absolutely no warning when Josh abruptly shoved him backwards. Danny blinked, vision blurry with the still-flashing TV screen before Josh’s form shielded it; he got on top yet again, strong thighs clamped around Danny’s hips. Danny grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down while Josh tried to stroke both of their cocks together, but Danny had to take over, his bigger hands coming to the rescue. Josh shuddered and spared Danny’s swollen lips, navigating his own kisses to his flushed neck; Danny stroked and groped his ass again while Josh rode his thighs, teeth grazing his skin, tongue flicking out to soothe the bites.

“Fuck,” was all Danny could manage to say when he felt himself getting closer and closer, overwhelmed in the best way possible. He’d certainly imagine sex with Josh in the past few weeks but his imagination hadn’t been skilled enough to truly embody what it felt like. 

“Yeah, Danny, that’s good,” Josh rasped out, hands gripping his shoulders until one came to grab his jaw, forcing Danny to look right at him. When Danny did, brow furrowed, throat tight while so close to the edge, Josh stared into his eyes and bit down on his own bottom lip until the rest of his face unraveled into an expression of orgasm that Danny definitely couldn’t picture in his imagination no matter how similar that face looked to Josh’s stage performances.

Danny looked down at the pearly streaks painted between his fingers and on his belly, stark white against his tan and black hair. The release didn’t stop Josh from grinding harder and taking Danny’s erection in his own hand, but his return to kisses was sloppy and extra wet. Saliva dripped from his mouth to Danny’s and down both of their chins and that alone made Danny’s impending release surge forward, a tight coil in his stomach turning tighter before he suddenly snapped and dug his fingers into Josh’s back, spilling between them. 

And when he opened his eyes, breathing hard, Josh was smiling down at him. “Do you always come that much?”

Danny looked down at himself again. “Uh–hm. I guess so?” He just couldn’t think right now. His heart was a drum of its own in his chest while his head felt light and airy, mind lacking the ability to process what had just happened. 

Josh got off him and onto his side once more, this time remaining facing him, gazing up at him with his hands tucked beneath the side of his head. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to kick me out now, Daniel.” He sighed dramatically. “I have a fragile heart.”

“And that’s why you came here?” Danny asked, settling down next to him though he did really want to zip into the bathroom to clean himself off. That could wait, he supposed, because maybe Josh was actually opening up here. 

“I didn’t come here with the intention of sex,” Josh said, his eyes earnest, solidifying truth in the words. “I wouldn’t use you like that. Unless you feel like I did?”

Danny smiled a little. “No. I’m actually kind of grown up now, in case you’ve forgotten. I would say ‘no’ if I didn’t want to.” 

“So you wanted to?”

“Sure. Why not?” 

Josh paused, eyes searching Danny’s face, then he asked, “So you’re alright with what happened before? Right after the breakup?” 

“Of course. I–I mean, I was hoping something would happen again,” Danny confessed, finding himself lulled by his post-orgasm haze and Josh’s sweet, serene face. “I think I’m just a little surprised it did.”

Josh cuddled up against him, pressing his face against his chest while Danny draped his arms over his back. “You’re very comforting, you know. You didn’t even have to say much to make me feel better,” he said, and warmth bloomed in Danny’s chest at the words. “Just you being there helped–and does help–so much.” Josh looked up, peeking through curls that had fallen into his face. “And you have the best hugs of anyone I know.”

“Well, I’ll keep hugging you until you’re all healed up,” Danny assured him, completely meaning it. 

“I love that. I love you.” Josh brought his head back down and Danny felt the butterfly kisses of eyelashes fluttering against his chest. “Just don’t tell Jake and Sam. I fear they’ll be too jealous to handle it.”

Danny laughed. “Jealous? What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Daniel,” Josh said, words muffled. “You think Sam’s ever kept his mouth shut about you two? You think I can’t pull a secret out of Jake?” 

“Oh shit,” Danny said, and Josh giggled. “Are you serious? You knew?” 

Josh’s cackle tickled Danny’s skin. “Okay, I didn’t know details, but now I think I can fill in the blanks.”

“Damn.” Danny felt utterly screwed, but he wasn’t sure why–apparently everything was fine. Apparently the Kiszkas were perfectly content to share as much as he was. 

“You belong to us,” Josh said, and Danny’s heart flipped again. “As much as we belong to you.”

---

Tagging: no one (RIP the 2018-2021 fandom lmao). If you ever wanna be tagged in my fics, let me know <3

[kazunara]

O1O. Truth at my fingertips ➤ Ferris wheel

a shikanoin heizou smau

You both walked towards the biggest ride at the park. The line was somewhat long so you both had to wait a while, you decided to text your friends in the meantime.

Heizou puts his phone away just in time for their turn on the ride. finally, my legs were getting sore from standing.. You thought as the ride operator opened the door to your red cabin. You and Heizou both got on and the ride started soon after.

You sat down, admiring the view as the ride slowly goes up. Although you had to admit, it was scary.. it seemed like Heizou was having similar thoughts as he looked to be fidgeting a lot but little did you know, he was actually nervous about something else.

"wow.. we are so high up" You begin to speak once the ride comes to a stop, with Your cabin being on top.

"yeah.."Heizou pauses taking a deep breath "Y/n..there is actually something I'd like to talk.. to you about"

You raise your eyebrow unaware of the words that were going to come out of the redhead's lips. "yes Heizou? what is it?"

"how do i say this...." now You were concerned. Was Heizou about to stop being friends with you? did you do something wrong? thoughts like these were in your head, You began to overthink about this situation.

Not even thinking about the possibility that heizou might confess, because why would he? so far you thought that you were the only one who liked him, You didn't know that the feelings were mutual.

"Y/n.. i love you" Heizou speaks, making you snap back to reality. You look at your soulmate with a look of pure confusion. "say what now?"

"Y/n i love you.. I've loved you for quite some time now" he adds on

"yeah i heard you the first time.. where did this come from?? and if you loved me.. then why didn't you ask me on a date instead of this??"

Heizou scratches his head. "i was going to eventually ask you on a date.. but i didn't want to loose our friendship we had" he looks at you with a genuine smile.

"i see.. so then why are you confessing now of a times?" You tilt your head, trying your best to avoid the answering heizou confession.. You did love the man but you weren't really ready for it yet..

"well.. since you were treating it like a date, dressing all nice and all. I thought i should as well"

"oh.. so it's thanks to me?"

"yes.. and my intuition tells me that you like me back?" heizou smirks, scooting closer to you. His face was really close to yours. Was this man trying to kiss me? no no no, this can't happen!

you move away, silently wishing that the door would open anytime soon since you were now descending downwards. Heizou raises an eyebrow at your actions.. his intuition was never wrong, so then why did you move away. Heizou then came into a realisation that you weren't really for it yet.. or you didn't want to date him.. but that can't be right... right?

"I understand.. take your time you don't have to answer me right away." right as he said that the door opened. You were somewhat relieved to be out of that situation. You nod as a reply to heizou's comment.

"yea.. I'll see you later" you speak, walking away really quickly. you were practically running at that point. Heizou did try to be positive but he couldn't help but be heartbroken at the sight of his one true love, his soulmate walking away from him, it really felt like they were walking out of his life for good.

he walked away as well. Losing hope that You might not like him back, and that he just ruined You and his lovely friendship. However to anyone else, it would seem like You actually liked Heizou, as you did show signs of it but this red head was clueless to that fact.

chapters || prev || next

⤿ synopsis;; a soulmate au where anything you write on your body also appears on your s/o’s body. so what happens when y/n l/n is a forgetful mess and begins to write important information on their body? and what happens when heizou starts to decipher these small bits of information?

a/n: "Y/n.. I love you" *insert kdrama outro music* 🤣🤣

⤿taglist: @raideneiari @samyayaya @milza12 @duckyyyx @bubiblossom @pyrrhicgaze @sketcheeee @4leyn3 @xiaossocksniffer @kunikuzushisbeloved bold = can't tag for some reason

[robotslenderman]

I feel it's important for anyone to know, just in case this is relevant for any of my followers or mutuals, that tastes really do change depending on your diet.

If your diet looks like a picky five-year-old's -- hamburgers, chicken nuggets, chips, lots of junk food -- then foods that are healthy will not at all be appealing to you.

But if you eat healthy food for a while, the opposite will start to occur -- you'll come to love leafy greens and hamburgers will look absolutely disgusting to you.

Now, I don't know how true this actually is, but I read once that sugar cravings actually come from the bacteria in your stomach. You eat sugar, it feeds particular species of bacteria, and when they start dying off they make you crave sugar again so you can feed them. I wonder if maybe something like this is happening here, where if you start changing your food and therefore the bacterial makeup of your stomach, that bacteria causes you to like certain foods you didn't used to? I used to be an extremely picky eater but after having to go on an anti-inflammatory diet, once I'd been on it long enough I started liking foods I used to hate.

And then I fell off the wagon and foods that used to appeal to me didn't, any more.

And I think this ties in really well with that "eating healthy isn't about not eating unhealthy stuff, but adding healthy stuff" post. I liked bacon and toast and butter, but I also liked avocado, so I added avocado. After a while I was like, why not add some flaxseed powder? So I did. Then after another while I was like, why not add some crushed wallnuts? So I did! And then afterwards I started using olive oil instead of butter. There's no rule that says you have to make the change overnight if you want to eat better. Don't. It won't stick that way.

But if you want to eat better but you can't stand healthy foods... this'll give you a bit of hope that if you stick with it, you'll come to love those foods you used to hate, and that you can change your diet in a way that's enjoyable and won't kill how happy food makes you.

(Obligatory disclaimer bc this is tumblr: this is not at all commentary on losing weight, is not at all commentary on accessibility of healthy food due to poverty, class and food deserts, and has nothing to do with aversion to food textures. This original post is specifically about how tastes can change due to diet and specifically not about societal influences that may make these things easier or harder. Anyone who makes bad faith additions about those things will be shot out of a canon and into the sun. Anyone who says "I know OP didn't say this was about any of those things, BUT -- " will be beaten by clowns first so that they may know the embrace of their people one last time before their execution.)

[polyamorouspunk]

Sleepover Monday? Sure.

I'm in so much pain over this girl who's so mean sometimes but also so nice sometimes. I haven't spoken to her in months, and I'm kinda afraid when we talk in a couple of days, it's gonna be the last time because we don't have anything forcing us to see each other anymore. She's so antisocial when she doesn't *have* to talk to anyone. I'm so afraid of losing her even though we're sometimes toxic together. I didn't think I would care at this point, but I can't stand the thought of her not being in my life ever again. I still don't even know if she's poly or if I even want to be with her. I think I just want more time to figure that out, and I'm sad.

- your moping mutual who's afraid she's gonna somehow find this if it's attached to their username lol 😣

It’s not don’t worry and oh my god???

Okay okay so like I came on here yesterday to bitch about how my ex FP was coming back and like don’t get me wrong she’s come in as a customer before so I’ve had to see her and after like the third time she came back in I stopped crying about it and we were honestly kinda chill again and I was hanging out at my normal hangout spot in the store (every store has an area where the employees gather to gossip and shit) and she was there doing onboarding stuff and like honestly her personality is just so… like this bitch. This bitch I kid you not is the exact kind of girl who cries wolf all the time at shit which is exactly why she was like oh person with BPD? 911 I’m in danger I’m working with a baby serial killer-

But holy shit her charisma. Is off the fucking charts. Like honestly I went from this morning texting my friend all the things I wanted to say to her to then seeing her and she was just so sweet and charming again and I was like… FUCK. Because I can feel myself wanting to go EXACTLY back to how I was when she was my FP which is like “look! Look! Look at this thing I did!” Or “Guess what? Guess what?” And Jesus Christ she is treating me the exact same way she was before she told me I was “threatening” to her and all this shit. And I HATE it. I’m like wow bitch it ain’t even been a day and you’re already back to puppy-tail-wagging at her.

Also the last girl I was kind of seeing who then also decided a bitch with BPD wasn’t for her I am still not over her and it’s driving me crazy. I’m like I’m so glad I had one bitch walk out of my life because of my BPD just for the bitch who walked out of my life because of my BPD before her to come waltzing back in.

I’m so so so tired of falling for people who really don’t seem like they are good for me? Especially when it comes to having BPD?

Honestly like not to be like “I diagnosis you with me” but like… mood.

I hope like… you figure out what you want and it works out? I mean it seems like she’s not gonna hold on to keeping in touch with you anyway so it’s probably out of your hands anyway? But like yikes. Can we PLEASE have some healthy options who we are interested in?

[ftl-faster-than-life]

Hiya!

I must say I never looked into Eobarry because I am an absolute sucker for Halbarry. Mostly because I love when it can be fluffy and fun, all of that AND my heart can't handle angst anymore because real life's angsty enough. BUT I hear you and see the dynamic and I see how it could be so wrecked to have this man coming to the past to try and have a way in the life of a man he adores but who rejected him. Eobard's train of thoughts is basically : "I am gonna come to him by travelling to the past, wreck his life so much that I might have a part in Barry's said life and be with him in a way or another." Like. I see it so well, so thank you for this eye-opening experience.

I am soft so I probably won't let myself sail with that ship and HalBarry is my comfort OTP hahhaa but I UNDERSTAND (I mean, I didn't look that much into it so I might be off with my interpretation).

And since I love Hal and Bear (those blorbos) so much, I want them to be happy and healthy (which is kinda a weird thing to want for people that don't exist, but lemme hope for better things in real life by living precariously through characters I relate to so if they manage to get better I might get the hope for that as well. ♡) [oops]

Take care and lots of love to you. It's really fun to hang on your Tumblr ♡

I'm so sorry this took me so long to get around to answering, I'm afraid I just didn't have the focus to do it til now.

I love Halbarry too--you can probably tell by all the Halbarry I post. Their dynamic is incredible, the mutual trust and absolute love they have for each other really shines in every action. Including when they're roasting the hell out of each other. They're a great example of a platonic relationship that has all the earmarks of potential for a really cozy romance. And yes! Eobard wants so badly to be important in Barry's life that if he can't be the best thing to happen to him, he'll be the worst. I think half of the appeal of Eobarry, as things stand in canon, is the tragedy of it. The way it's doomed before it even starts. It's the worst thing that will ever happen to either of them, and it seems as if there's just no way to prevent it.

It's also just fascinating because it's so heavily rooted in time travel--the instigating event which happens at the end of their relationship from Barry's perspective, and at the beginning from Eobard's. Can Eobard be blamed for losing his mind when he sees that he's fated to die at the hands of his idol? No. Can Barry be blamed for killing Eobard in self defense and the defense of others? No. Eobarry's one of those ships where if it were to become canon in the sense of Barry giving in and being with Eobard, the way that Eobard wants (when he doesn't want to kill Barry or be Barry...) I'd riot. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, take care and I hope things get better for you!

[itssoinevitable]

I just want to add something to anon number 2 (and how they might solve that relationship between Gerald and Audrey). Been thinking about the kiss ever since the Christmas Special (like we all do) and I agree that she cannot simply dismiss it as a mistake. However, I also believe that she would not abandon Siegfried now that Tristan has gone. I think her sense of duty is so high that she would put that over the relationship with Gerald. After all, Skeldale has been the place where she finally found happiness and a (surrogate) family again. So in my ideal little fangirl world, she lets Gerald go to Hull, explains to him that she has made the hard decision to stay in Darrowby and that, although she cares for him a lot, she cannot leave her family again. This would be the only logical solution for me right now. And it would be so lovely if Gerald is the catalyst that made Siegfried realise that he feels more for Audrey than he can admit right now.

@owlsie-hoot is that you?? omg long time! So happy to hear from an old mutual & friend. Also yes yes yes, beautifully put! 100% agreed that Audrey will not abandon Siegfried or Skeldale House. Not just out of a sense of duty, but from a place of loyalty and love. Like you said, she found happiness and family here. She clearly loves Tristan like her own son, and a mother would always wait for her child to come home. And she loves Siegfried too, so much, in whatever way it may be. She has set down roots at Darrowby, and she feels it is her home.

That said, I'd kind of like to see her struggle with it a bit. ( not too long, maybe just an episode or two. ) I'm so torn between wanting a lowkey exit for Gerald, and a scenario where he does ask her to marry him and go to Hull. Actually, the Season 3 CS kind of already framed it that way because it put a lot of pressure on Audrey to choose a side of herself, so to speak, and to choose between the two men in her life. There was urgency for both parties, with Tristan receiving his call up letter and Gerald leaving for Hull.

Imo it very was poignant that Audrey stayed as long as it was strictly a family issue; when Tristan and Siegfried were having their big showdown in the kitchen. But then, when Siegfried was alone and hoping to process his feelings with her after, she felt she was out of time and chose to find Gerald instead. ( painful as it was, I am glad she did something for herself this once. also if it helps Siegfried realise what an oaf he is, all the better. ) I just hope that if she has to make a similar decision again on a bigger scale, with higher stakes, that there should be something else on the table making her stay. ( like the quiet realisation that Siegfried has deeper feelings for her, even if they aren't ready to go there yet. )

Yesss, I definitely think Gerald is going to be one of the factors that makes Siegfried realise his feelings for Audrey in Season 4! Although I don't think it will be a big whump epiphany kind of moment, do you? I was recently rewatching Season 2, where Diana is in the first couple of episodes, and I really hope it will be more like that tbh. Because Audrey actually bristles every single time they're in the same room together, or anytime Siegfried even mentions Diana. I mean, this is a woman who is literally supportive of everyone; she is so understanding when James is pursuing Helen, always encouraging when Tristan likes a girl. But to Diana, who is never been nothing but nice to her -- she really can't stand Diana. She does warm up eventually, but it’s interesting to have had her dislike someone that much to begin with.

And I really hope we're going to see a Siegfried version of that next season. Lots of jealous bristling, but also his signature tantrums and explosions, plenty of shouting about something completely different, when he's actually angry with himself Gerald and terrified he's going to lose Audrey. Everything he used to do with his repressed love for Tristan, but now he does that with Audrey.

[samsspambox]

greetings, sam! if i may, i’d like to ask a question regarding a possibility you suggested in the tags of @/surely-galena’s post regarding giann not having a sprite

it was suggested that giann’s lack of a sprite may allude to him having lost his memory and you had raised the possibility of giann wanting to lose his memory. i’m curious as to why you had thought so 👀

although it’s perfectly understandable if you do not wish to answer as it has been some time since the theory was posted!

have a pleasant day ahead!

: ⚜️

good morrow fleur-de-lis nonnie!! that's a fancy emoji u got there jksbdcbjks you're always welcome to ask questions here! and i'm not about to pass up a chance to put my theory-approved tinfoil hat on!

you're right, i did suggest that giann could've wanted his memory erased! now, here's the thing: i guess i can say this is a theory within a theory. this is kinda relating to my giann is a filthy mastermind theory in which giann fakes his own kidnapping in order to hide from... someone idk. but his best chance at survival is hiding.

now, we know dr. richter is capable of hypnosis. this practice can suggest the mind to do different things, it's how some people are able to quit smoking, break phobias, or just change their behavior. (consult ur doctor to see if hypnosis is right for u lmaooo that's my legal disclaimer here). in popular media, at least, hypnosis fucks with your memory. if we take the bit in the giann is a mastermind theory, the one where he's hiding in plain sight at the giannovyn mental research center, then it makes sense for him to get his memory wiped. he's out of the playing field, might as well make sure that he stays out until vyn is ready to bring him back into play (as per a mutual agreement. you can't hypnotize someone into doing something they don't wanna do.)

alas, as you've said, it's been a while since this theory was posted. what are my thoughts now? well, it's not looking pretty, people. so: giann is one of the only people without a sprite that is important to the story. take marius' personal story 4: the main perpetrator of the impersonation was someone who's sprite was introduced that same chapter. giann was introduced in a flashback via marius' rrg card. so, following this logic: i don't think giann is going to get a sprite. i feel like he's dead. galena does a really good job as breaking down why she thinks giann is dead in the post you linked (and i shall also link here) and after a good chunk of the year and how i see the story progression going, i stand firmly with galena on this one.

theres also a thing i've been thinking about related to this and ironically, the fic i'm writing. galena, in her post, talks about how memory is an important part of the game, and also links this post by zak about memory. why is this important specifically? because of the effects of the nxx drug/flora x/X03A. i have a running theory on luke being affected by the drug which then leads to his illness, and in his anni card it states that it's neurological. it checks with how the drug itself works: "It affects the brain in many different ways. In children still developing it causes delays in growth. In adults, it makes them unstable, prone to depression or other mental ails." (that's,,, a quote for the fic i'm writing LMAOO) so who's to say the drug doesn't cause memory loss? what if giann is afflicted with the same stuff luke has, only it's worse on him? that the reason he doesn't have a sprite is because he lost himself?

*shrug* there's a lot of things that it could be. the theory holds up if you look at it through that lens, but i'm more inclined to say that they offed giann. after all, that makes for more conflict in the nxx and sometimes conflict drives the story. it all depends on your point of view.

thank you so much for this question fleur nonnie! i hope you stick around!!!

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 8 of ?)

gif by @thesoldiersminute can i send you a cake or something cause fuCk!!!!!!!!!!! he's beautiful

a/n: to everyone still reading this fic, my sweet angels, ily!! this fic is so near and dear to my heart and @stxdyblr-2k has just done such an amazing job with it i can't even thank her enough. as per the last part, this one is also mostly her, just me editing but i hope you guys love it as much as i did!!! don't worry, there's gonna be a lot more :) and i apologize for being not as active, i'm gonna try to get a couple of requests up that i'm really excited about this week tysm for being patient with me <3

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five six seven | my masterlist

prompt: ada has some talking to do, and you're not about to deny her.

warnings: fluff, semi-angst, tommy being the cocky mf he is (let's be real, it's only acceptable cause he's so damn fine), john being cute and in love and jesus i am head over heels

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03, @operation-spot

You had planned to go to Ada's after work, but she obviously had other ideas. She didn't even bother walking in and asking to speak to you; instead, choosing to bang on the window closest to your desk and yelling at you to "fucking hurry up!" Your boss opened the door for you expectantly, not offering you any protection; he was firmly in the Shelby's ever growing pocket and as long as he could go home to his children, his sickly wife and their six bed in the country, with a full time nurse and nanny, he had no interest in crossing Thomas.

"Ada, I was coming to see you after work, I swear."

"I know. I was going to let you but..." She trailed off. "We need to talk. I don't know what the fuck is going on with you. John said he'd seen you last night and you asked after me."

John had indeed seen you last night. It was strange waking up with him, used to leaving almost immediately after he was finished with you. Your small bed could barely comfortably fit you both, having to intertwine your limbs with John's to not fall off the edge. You had awoken to John pressing a kiss to your forehead before lazily trailing his fingers between your legs, waiting for you to open your eyes before settling between your thighs, tongue swirling around your clit, making you cum before sunrise.

"Do we have to do this in the street?" You practically begged, the shouting having attracted onlookers.

"I wanted to talk to you before anyone else in the family gets to you because I need you to be honest."

"Ada-"

"No, I'm doing you a favour here, so you fucking listen. Right now, between you and I, no bullshit. No tactics. No white lies. You have to tell me exactly what we're dealing with." She looked frantic, scared for some reason.

You nodded, walking her down the side street, careful not to link arms with her. You knew she was doing you a favour; this wasn't about forgiveness or friendship, much more was at stake here.

"To what extent was Thomas involved?"

That took you off guard. Ada read the confusion on your face and sighed impatiently, her subtle plea for you to keep up.

Shit. You remembered your conversation with John, how she thought this was her brother's way of pushing her out of the company.

"Don't spare my feelings. What did my brother say to you?"

"He said it was in our mutual interest that you didn't find out. He didn't care who John slept with but cared who you trusted so I had to trust him. He said there was no point in upsetting you over one of John's conquests who he'd tire of in a month."

"That all?"

"Pretty much, I didn't know Arthur knew. He never talked to me about it, did laugh at Thomas' digs now that I think on it-"

"Did you know Isaiah and Michael knew?"

"I thought they were aware but no one ever talked to me about it."

"Of course they wouldn't." She hissed, frustration causing a nerve on her neck to jump.

Ada and you had spoken for years about the rampant misogyny of her brothers and any men you two came into contact with. Although you were both far more reserved than you used to be as rebellious and adventurous thirteen year olds, you'd both grew increasingly angry at how you were treated. She'd long written off her brothers as womanisers, who saw women as purely sexual and entertaining, objectifying them. You both long despised how they dehumanised women. She was amazed that Thomas had attempted to settle down and managed a somewhat loving marriage, but resented him for his carelessness and need for power which inevitably killed his wife.

"Ada, I just want to say..." You licked your lip nervously, unsure of how to continue.

"You need to talk, Y/N. No bollocks."

"Before last night, he'd never been to mine or called. I always went to him."

The muscle in her jaw tensed.

"You slept with him last night then?" You met her question with silence and she rolled her eyes. "The second he said he saw you I knew you had, he wanted to tell me that he was going to continue seeing you and that he hoped I'd be able to accept it one day."

"We never intended to hurt you. It was meant to be fun at first, but now..." You cut yourself off with a sigh, unable to admit you'd fallen for her brother.

"Isn't fun for me. It's fucking embarrassing." She paused, lighting a cigarette, nervous to offer you one, conflicted within herself. She raised her eyebrow, prompting you to continue, the mannerism so similar to her brother’s.

"It should never have happened. I am never going to be able to fix this, I'm so fucking ashamed for doing this to you, Ada."

She sulked, silently drinking in your words.

"Obviously it's not going to be the same, yeah? I'm really fucking upset. I'm so fucked off with you but Poll's really worried about a coup. She thinks you're being used as blackmail against John to keep him on side with Tommy while he expands."

"Makes sense."

"You're part of a much bigger game, you know?"

You nodded. "Yeah, and I knew I would lose from the start. Fucking tragic, Ada."

"My brothers keep pushing, keep growing the business. They keep chasing this prize but I don't think it even exists."

"If it does, it isn't worth it if this shit is the cost. I didn't mean to play into his hands."

"You couldn't have known." She said with a shrug, " 'Siah thinks John loves you."

"He told me last night." Several times, this morning also. You would never tire of hearing him moan those words into your neck or being yelled from your front door as he left for the office.

"You love him, don't you?" She said bluntly, a statement more than a question, your face suddenly hot with embarrassment.

Everything you'd suppressed for months, everything that you'd hidden, every time you lied smiling, every knowing glance from a stranger, every degrading comment from under Thomas' breath.

"I do, an awful lot."

She pauses, relighting her cigarette, "The worst thing about the entire situation is it could've been fine if someone told me. I wouldn't have loved it, obviously, but-" Ada sighed, rubbing her temple with her free fingers.

"I thought you'd hate me."

"How could I? I'd be more angry that you'd drop your standards for my brother. Seriously? Him? Mate…."

"Come off it, I've always thought he was charming. He's funny, smart-"

"Don't gush over my brother, it's grim. I'm just so fucked off you all lied to me." She peered at you through her cigarette smoke. "If you love him and he loves you..." she pressed her lips together as she tensed her jaw, "I could get over it. If it'd make you both happy. But that's going to take a long time. A long time."

"Ada-"

"Look I have meetings and shit to sort, I have to run." She interjected, checking her wristwatch, adjusting the cap which sat atop her trendy short haircut. You caught her arm before she could turn away.

"Thank you. For understanding."

She shrugged you off, "I don't get it, I'd never do that to you. But you also don't get to choose who you're attracted to. I'm really hurt, but I do love you and John a lot. He mentioned that after last night you helped him, got him cleaned up. I have to believe that you both do love each other. So I have to believe that this is a good idea for you both and not stand in your way."

"I love you, Ada. Can we hang out soon, just us two?"

She shook her head. "I need some time, I'll be in touch, yeah?"

You nod, stretching out your pinky finger. She sighed and linked it with hers, as you'd done since you were children, a silent signal to each other after a fight that you still had the other's back.

"Right, I've got to get back to this meeting, Tom is getting done by Polly for nearly getting John killed. I need to be there in case one of the lads needs patching up."

"Your aunt has a nasty left hook, I'll give her that."

"She'll be pleased you think so, she wanted Tommy to slice you to bits for crossing me."

"Fuck’s sake, thanks for the warning, I'll keep my head down. Good luck with the meeting."

Ada nodded and you watched her walk away, a Blinder suddenly appearing by her side seemingly from nowhere. This city was crawling with them. They clambered into Ada's car as you watched the car disappear into the distance before walking back to work. Thankfully, with your head still attached to your shoulders.

*******

Ada arrived at Thomas' estate, following the swell of shouting voices to his exquisite library. It was eye roll worthy and typical Tommy to choose the location of his post-fuckup debrief to be where he had the best view of the gardens, river and rolling hills. She could bet he'd sit in a corner and stare at the view, zoning out their aunt's lecture.

An armed blinder she vaguely recognised opened the door. Thomas was making a statement today with the armed guards, she noted. Her brothers really were fucked up. Arthur was an alcoholic killer who couldn't understand that Thomas would betray them all eventually, Finn was letting the tokyo and the razor chasers that circled him distract him from keeping the family together, John was apparently in love with her best friend, and finally, Thomas nearly got Arthur and John murdered last night with his foolishness. At this point only herself and Polly were holding everyone together, keeping everything silently moving along.

The door opened, and she was the last to arrive, Polly glaring as she murmured an apology, standing next to Finn. His eyes were bloodshot, grey-purple smudges under his eyes, he'd obviously had a heavy night. The last thing the poor lad needed was Polly's shrill yelling and the blinding sun streaming through the large immaculately crafted windows, which he'd tried to block with the brim of his cap. John caught her eye, acknowledging his sister with a nod, which she returned with a small tight smile.

Ada couldn't bear to think about the reasoning behind her brother's smug interjections in between Polly's rant to Thomas who was listening wordlessly, smoking.

Y/N and John? It didn't make sense. They had a similar sense of humour, sure, but she was far too intelligent for him. He also had a swarm of children, while Y/N preferred a wild night out only staggering home at daybreak.

It made far more sense for Y/N to end up with Michael, or if it had to be a brother, Finn. They were younger, so had less responsibilities and commitments so they could keep up with her. But John? Of course she knew he was believed to be the Casanova of her brothers, he was kind, he was an excellent father, yet he could never keep anyone around long, usually John was chasing someone new after a month or so. That's why the revelation that John had been involved with her best friend for almost half a year had taken her completely by surprise. Maybe that was why she was open to them being together. That had to be it. This relationship was completely out of character for John; she needed to believe that he was serious about his feelings towards Y/N and wasn't going to fuck her over. Because if he did, John would be a dead man.

"I don't know why you're all bleating at me. Yeah, I overlooked some details in the planning of last night's meeting-"

"Such as warning us that they were really fucked off because you'd helped bomb their warehouse." John pointed out.

"What do you want me to do? Apologise? Grow up, John." Tommy snapped back.

"They had loaded guns against their heads, they deserve an apology." Ada interjected, John giving her an appreciative flash of smile. She did love her big brother. Despite the fact that she'd pretty much only been yelling at him for the past month, John never dismissed her feelings and only apologised. It was confusing to admit to herself, but when Isaiah told her that he was confident John loved Y/N, she felt a wave of relief. At least he cared about her; it was the bare minimum but the Shelbys were notorious for not even meeting the bare minimum for acceptable social interactions.

"They didn't fuckin’ get shot." Thomas stated, his voice matter of fact and condescending.

"Do you ever hear yourself speak?" Polly spit back at him. "They didn't get shot this time. But it was too fucking close."

"It won't happen again, Polly." Tommy sighed. "What else can I say? Sorry lads, take the weekend off?"

"It's a good start." Arthur countered, "You're also paying for the extension on my house and my wedding."

"Fuck’s sake Arthur I was joking. But fine. Sure."

"You can't buy your family off." Polly scoffed at him.

"Think of it as compensation, a settlement." Thomas coolly corrected his aunt. "What do you want, John? A fucking farm?"

John hesitates while Finn whispered suggestions to him, Ada meeting his stare, John raising a brow to her in question. She sighed and nodded her approval.

"You can pay off my mortgage Tom, give me the kids' birthdays off-"

"So you'd never come into work then?" Finn cut in, Ada elbowing him in the ribs. She usually enjoyed Finn's remarks but she knew where John was heading; she could barely breathe.

"Tom, you're also to leave Y/N completely alone. If you have a problem with her, you come to me about it." He said firmly.

Arthur and Tommy traded knowing looks, obviously more aware of the ins and outs of his relationship than Ada was.

"Also if you're paying for Arthur's wedding I want the equivalent in cash." He adds.

Tommy shrugged. "Whatever. As long as we can move past last night and focus on today's order of business."

John nodded, satisfied. He knew Tom wouldn't care, but just saying out loud that he was involved with Y/N and having his family aware was a relief. He hadn't realised until he finally admitted how stressful keeping his relationship a secret was. Now, he could stop worrying about Tommy interfering.

Polly rolled her eyes, lecturing the brothers on their lack of moral backbone to allow themselves to be bought off, but dismissed them. She caught Ada's arm in hers on their way out, pulling her far from earshot.

"So Y/N and John are together now?" She asked, her face firm and scowling.

"Polls, I talked with her, she's aware of what she's done. She apologised and meant it. What more can I ask for?"

"Her not to have fucked him in the first place."

"She said that. Look, Polls, they're happy right? John seems happy-"

"He always is when he gets a leg over."

"You know she looked after him last night? Fixed him up after the meeting."

"Meeting? It was a fucking set up." Polly hissed but her face had softened. "She cleaned him up?"

"Antiseptic, bandages and all."

Polly looked subtly impressed, although she'd never admit it. "He went to hers? Not yours?"

"He wanted to talk to her." Ada shrugs, "I saw her this morning and-"

"What do you mean? You bumped into her?"

"I went to her work." Ada admitted, her aunt shooting her an exasperated glare.

"Why do I bother? Nobody listens to me."

"I had to talk to her, I'm glad I did. She reckons she loves him, he told her last night that he loves her, so..."

"We are talking about John? Our John?"

"I know Polls, I'm as amazed as you."

Her aunt huffed, unimpressed. "Are you okay with it though?"

"I guess, I just want them to be happy. I've told them to give me time with it."

"She was a good friend growing up, but people change, sometimes for the better, often for the worse."

"Poll, it's Y/N; she's my best friend. At the end of the day, we'd do anything for each other."

"Sweet Ada, you're going to be so miserable if you keep letting people walk all over you." Polly said wisely, kissing her goodbye affectionately. "I hope you're right. If she makes you cry again I'll kill her myself."

"Thanks, Polls."

She knew her aunt wasn't joking.

[lostysworld]

A healing touch – Kaz Brekker x reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (final)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warning: OOC, mention of touch aversion

Summary: You trying to fight your motives to help Kaz, but maybe you should not?

A/N: I don't know what I'v done, but anyway :D. I promised some romance, so enjoy a little bit of it, guys, in the end of the chapter)

Masterlist

– I am so selfish.

You and Inej are sitting in your parents' bakery after the closing hours, waiting to finally come home.

Despite the girl's calm behavior, you always find yourself comfortable around her.

– Why?

– I wanted to help Kaz through his avertion, - you casts a look towards the kitchen, where your mother is, and lower your pitch. – But I only ended up with thinking about my own reasons.

– So you are in love with him!

– Shh! - you wave your hands at Inej for her loud voice, being afraid your mum will know about it. In that case you won't be able to shut that woman up. – Do you want everyone to learn about it?

– I'm sure, your mother will be happy-

– That is the reason, - seeing your friend's mischievous grin you realizes, your worst fear may come true. – My mum will talk about it for the whole time, if she knows.

– Knows what?

Your heart sinks down. Seems, you were so worried about your predicament, than didn't notice the entrance door opened silently behind your back. But Inej did for sure.

You turn around to face Kaz, your very handsome problem, as it appears. Now you know why Inej was smiling like this.

– We are closed, young man, - your mum comes out of the kitchen, but when she recognizes Kaz, her smile becomes wider – Oh, Mr. Brekker, come in. The oven is still warm, do you want something?

You fight the urge to hide somewhere and only whispers.

– Saints, it only becomes worse, - Inej holds back a laughter looking at you, your mother, and Kaz, who seems struggling the same problem as you.

He can deal with every freak in Ketterdam, but when it comes to your mother, the man is always confused.

– Uhm, no, thank you.

Brekker turns to both of you, looking at Inej. It is clear, that he doesn't come to see you, and it suddenly upsets you.

Inej only nods to you and stands to follow Kaz, while you is staring down in your empty cup. Suddenly a brief touch to your shoulder draws your attention.

You raise your glance at Kaz, who stands right beside you, rather close to you, you'd say. His hand is still on your shoulder, and his heat radiates from the palm even through the leather of the glove.

– I didn't thank you for your help last time.

You could never read his glance, it is always the same cold, collected expression, that you can't understand. Maybe, you are way too much mesmerized by Kaz Brekker to notice something else.

– It's fine, Kaz. You are welcome, - you hesitate, seeing his piercing eyes don't leave you. – And good luck your heist.

He nods silently and walks out. As soon as the door behind him is closed, you drop your head on the table with a loud grown. Why you can't just tell him how you feel? It will go two ways anyway. He will admit that it's mutual or not. No big deal, yeah?

– If I acted like you twenty three years ago, I would never marry you father, Y/N.

Yours mother's sympathetic voice rings somewhere above your head, but you don't want to argue with her.

– I'm not a sum of kruge for Kaz to be interested in.

– Mr. Brekker is only interested in kruge, because he doesn't have something more valuable, see?

You raise your head to her to see her smirking and lay it down again. Your mother can advise you whatever she wants, but it doesn't mean you have enough courage to do it.

You walk into the Slat, that is unexpectedly overcrowded for this time of the evening. Earlier this day a boy came to collect you to Kaz, as he was told, and that makes your heart flutter.

You haven't seen your friends for these two days, the heist they prepared was extremely important for all the Crows and you decided not to distract them.

On the first floor you notice Jasper and others, though Kaz isn't amongst them. You wave playfully to the guys, it is hard for you to hide, that you really miss them.

Jasper waves you back and nods towards upstairs.

– Kaz wanted to see you, Y/N.

With a brief nod you run to Brekker's room. After two short knocks you open the door, not waiting for a permission.

– Y/N, - a small smile hides in the corners of the man's lips.

– Should I congratulate you with the successful heist, Kaz? Everybody look so content.

He nods and extends his hand towards you. You come closer immediately noticing a small silver pendant on his palm.

– It's lovely, Kaz. Thank you.

– Are you sure? - his suspicious gaze follows you, you raise your brow trying to understand his question. – I mean, it was stolen-

Does he question his methods now, after all these years?

– I like it, stolen or not. Besides, you risked your safety to get it. So, I like it even more.

Taking it from his palm carefully, you realize Brekker's hands are without gloves tonight. Your decision, made some days ago, comes to your mind at the same time.

– Could you help me?

The man's gaze instantly finds yours, and you recognize a sparkle of panic inside. Any other day you would apologize for breaking his boundaries, but not now.

Kaz swallows and nods, after that you turn around letting him lock the pendant on your neck.

He is doing it so carefully, that you don't even feels the touch, but only his hot breathing on you neck. And it slowly drives you insane.

– Kaz, - once the pendant is locked you turn rapidly to face him, meeting his piercing blue gaze.

You know that this kind of proximity makes him uncomfortable, but you just can't help yourself to move an inch back.

You swallow and drop your gaze on his hand, that now is laying on the table just right next to you. Brekker's glance is watching you slowly moving your own one.

Your palm is inches from his, still you don't make a final move. You two are so close, Kaz can feel your breath on his cheek, and it gives him slight shiver down his spine. Pleasant or not, he can't decide.

– Kaz, - you call him once more, whispering. – I can help you with it.

– No one can, Y/N, - you don't need to be precise for him to know what are talking about. Brekker shakes his head, and you watches his weak grin disappeare.

– I will. Please, let me in, Kaz. I will not hurt you.

You are craving for his touch so badly, that it almost makes you shake with anticipation. But the man doesn't rush the moment.

You finally touch his wrist with you fingertips, Brekker flinches, but doesn't move away. Taking a silent permission you trace an invisible pattern on his arm, when his hoarse whisper reaches you.

– Stop, - he swallows hard.

– Kaz-

– Please, stop, Y/N, - you've never seen Kaz Brekker begged before, moreover you don't want him to hate you after this evening.

Your glances cross and you feel like you are unable to move. He is still a bit struggling with the effect of your touch, but something else is on the back of his mind.

– I've wanted to touch you for so long, - his voice runs goosebumps across your skin. – I even thought that ignoring you might help.

– Look at me, Kaz, - your hand flies to his chin, barely touching, slightly turning him to face you. – You can do this.

The man shakes his head with anger appering in his eyes. He doesn't blame you for trying, anyway, he tried too. But he does blame you for giving him this false hope.

– We need to try once more.

'We'. Kaz sighs. Isn't it worth trying? Isn't Y/N worth?

Your hand caresses his cheek as if he's made of glass. Brekker tenses, and you feel him ready to burst with swearing.

But to you own surprise, the man just exhales slowly, and after a second he slightly leans into the touch.

– See?

Y/N is warm, not like Jordie, Kaz feels it's radiating through his own skin now. The tingling on his cheek from your accident brushing leaves him a bit nervous. In a good way.

Y/N smells like cinnamon and baking powder, and Brekker loses a bit of his sanity from such proximity. He would never let anyone do the same with him.

But it's you. Kaz can make any deal, but he also can make an exception for Y/N.

– I think, it's enough for today, - you slowly take your hand from his cheek, afraid that it cam be too overwhelming for Kaz.

A faint smile lights up you face, and instantly it is reflected on Brekker's face.

– Ask Jasper to walk you home.

– I will be fine-

– No, I want you to be safe, - your breath is stuck in your throat. – So...good night.

– Good night, Kaz.

This stupid smile doesn't leave your face until you come home.