#I really don’t want to have to go through another hospital birth during covid because it really sucks

[harmonizewithechoes]

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[astranva]

Not One of Them.

// masterlist //

Word Count: 9.9k

Category: Fluff, single mom!Y/N

Warning: Some strong language. Slight mention of abortion. Not proof-read.

Note: time-skip to when covid-19 is dead ok

Summary: Harry is lyrically stuck, Y/N is the new big songwriter. She’s also a single mom to a 4-year-old girl.

Early italics are flashbacks.

..

When you’re a young mother, the world isn’t always the kindest, especially when no partner is in the picture.

While you were young, having had baby Faith when you were only 21, you applauded yourself for years for the effort you poured into raising a child alone – with the help of family and friends, and too many books and videos, but you get the point.

Faith wasn’t a mistake, you hate it when anyone even dares to imply so, but she was unplanned. You were in a toxic on-and-off relationship for 3 years, at some point believing that it might have been an open relationship because of the amount of times you caught your ex-boyfriend flirting with women and men right in front of you.

You had done your part after knowing that you were pregnant after one drunken night that led to a rough make-up session. You approached your ex, sat him down and broke the news;

“I’m pregnant.”

“Whose is it?” He had asked, face falling.

Yours scrunched up in anger, almost disgust at the implication. “Yours, you dumb-fuck! I don’t sleep around while I’m in a relationship like some people.” You had emphasized.

He ignored your comment, releasing a sigh. “You aren’t keeping it, are you?”

You were never against abortion. You were never against planned pregnancy. You had freaked out alright on your own when you were confirmed pregnant, but something inside you told you to hold on to the human inside of you, to that little bundle of oblivion – a little bundle of faith.

It was when he asked you that one question, his tone almost sure that you would abort the child, that you felt angry tears pool your eyes. “I am.”

He wasn’t ready to hear it and his wide eyes showed that, “Wh-What do you mean you are? I can’t have a fucking baby! This wasn’t supposed to get this real!”

“This real?” You had chuckled bitterly, “You stay with me for 3 years, fuck me over more than I can count then you always come crying for me, then tell me it wasn’t supposed to get this real?” You stood up, draping your bag over your shoulder, “I’m having the kid, Will. It’s over between us and-“ you gulped, swallowing back the tears as you pointed at him, “I never want to see you again.”

“You bet your fucking ass you won’t.” He had grumbled, tearing eye contact to look somewhere else but your death glare before you left.

 Besides the university halls, Will had managed to stay out of your sight and you were grateful for that. Pregnancy was a roller-coaster, one you definitely screamed during all ride of, but nothing and nobody prepared you for the moment when you gave birth to your little love.

Your roommate and best friend, Cece, had driven you to the hospital and notified the rest of your family and friends, and you were glad that during that very period of time, you had someone beside you.

It was when you held your little love that it all faded away; the pain, the loss, the confusion, the fright – everything faded away the moment your skin made contact with your daughter’s, watching her with pure love and admiration.

You hadn’t picked a name before that moment, only nodding and smiling to the showering of recommendation from people, but one name wasn’t recommended, not even mentioned.

“Faith. You’re my little Faith.”

“You’re looking a little sick, honey. Have you been eating well? You overwork yourself-”

“Mom, mom,” you laughed quietly, tearing your eyes from watching your daughter play with her cousins before looking at your mom beside you, “I’m alright. Last project was challenging, that’s all.”

“Who were you writing for this time?” your mom asked with pride and excitement, curious to know the name of yet another big celebrity her daughter had been working with.

“Adele.” You smirked as you sipped your juice, hearing your mom gasp with a hand to her heart before letting out a small squeal.

In her dungarees and sandals, Faith ran towards you, making you set your juice aside to welcome your daughter in your arms. “Mommy, did you see me win Tag?”

“Yes! You were amazing!” You hyped your daughter up, pressing a sloppy kiss on her cheek, making Faith giggle.

With Faith standing between your legs, talking to her grandma, you checked your watch. “Ah, shoot. I better get going.”

“Will you be here for bedtime story?” Faith asked, looking up at you as you slung on your tote bag and held your car key in one hand before kneeling in front of your daughter.

“I will be, baby. Don’t give Nana a hard time, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“I love you.” With one last hug and a kiss on her cheek, you smiled at your daughter who clung to your neck, pressing a sweet kiss on her cheek.

“I love you.” Faith replied, moving to stand with her nephew after waving at you as you left.

“Call me at any time if anything happens or if you need anything, Mom, yeah?” You said as you walked towards the door, your mother following behind.

“Wouldn’t want to disturb your wo-”

“Mom.” You stressed, turning to look at your mom, “Nothing like that. I’ll get going. Thank you for watching her.”

“Oh, don’t thank me. You know I love spending time with little Faith more than anything. Drive safely, honey.”

//

“Hey, Andrew, got you a donut.” You beamed as you approached the studio’s receptionist, a 19-year-old intern.

“You’re an angel.” Andrew sighed in contentment as he opened the box containing his donut before looking at you, “Just adopt me. I guarantee I’ll be the best brother to Faith.”

You laughed, “Think having a 19-year-old son will make me feel old. I’ll pass.”

“Dammit.” Andrew shook his head jokingly. “Meeting with Jeffery Azoff, huh?”

“Yeah, do you know if he got here yet?”

“Like 3 minutes ago.”

You checked your watch again, finding that it was just on time for your scheduled meeting, feeling glad that you weren’t late.

“Alright, I’ll see you on the way out.” You waved at Andrew who nodded at you while raising his donut before you set off down the hall and into the elevator.

Walking out and down the hallway, you approached the room you had agreed to meet Jeffrey in before knocking softly, hearing a distant “come in!”

Gently opening the door and sticking your head inside, your eyes moved to the couch where 2 men looked up at you; one was Jeffrey – you had seen pictures of him from when you worked once with his father – and the other was, undoubtedly in your mind, none other than Harry Styles.

“Y/N?” Jeff asked, him and Harry standing as you walked in and closed the door behind you, approaching them.

“Yes,” you smiled, reaching for a handshake which he had happily accepted, “It’s great meeting you.”

Harry’s eyes were set on you, a small smile on his face that did everything but mirror the surprise he felt. He wasn’t sure why; he didn’t have any expectations but he certainly didn’t expect to see someone as radiant as you were.

You looked at him next with a polite smile as you reached for a handshake, “Pleasure meeting you. I’m a huge fan of your work.”

And God, his stomach flipped and his face flushed at the comment, feeling shy under your gaze as he shook your hand, “Thank you so much. Can say the same about your work, you’re very talented.”

“Thanks!” You beamed before motioning towards the couch, the 3 of you sitting down; Harry and Jeff on the couch, you on a chair across from them. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thanks. Had the biggest cup of coffee just before coming here.” Jeff replied.

You turned to look at Harry, smiling and nodding when he raised his bottle of water.

“Alright, let’s get into it,” you leaned forward, “How can I help you?”

Jeff looked at Harry, signaling for him to talk.

“I know it hasn’t been a year since I released Fine Line,” Harry moved his hands as he talked, looking at the carpeted floor underneath him before looking up at you, “But I’ve been writing ever since but- something is missing. Something is wrong. I wrote 9 tracks so far, all of them are unfinished because I just feel like they’re missing something. I have the idea, have the concepts, sometimes I have the tunes,” he counted on his fingers, “But I can’t finish one song. It’s like I’m, like,” he shrugged, trying to find the right word.

“Stuck?” You suggested, staring at him with an assuring expression which he found soothing.

Harry’s body slumped, tilting his head slightly as he looked back at you and a soft, small smile made its way to his face at how you understood. “Yeah,” he nodded, “Yeah, stuck. That’s the word.”

“I get you,” you assured him, “Do you guys have any sort of deadline?”

“No, not really, no. Not yet.” Jeff shook his head.

“Great,” you clapped, your eyebrows going up, “Do you have any of these tracks’ lyrics now?”

“Yeah, lemme just-“ Harry reached beside him, holding his tote bag to take out his journal.

“Hey!” You grinned, grabbing his attention and making him look at you, seeing you holding out your tote bag to him.

You matched; right on the fabric in the middle was an illustrated design of a small cactus plant pot.

“I have the same one!” You looked down at yours before looking at him, Harry mirroring your actions before a grin broke out on his face.

“Well then, Y/N, it’s set. These will be the best songwriting sessions of the century. It’s fate.” He said dramatically in a joking manner, making you laugh quietly as you set your bag aside and he fished out his journal.

Flipping through the pages, he handed you his journal so you can see one of the songs he had half-written, watching as leaned back on the comfy chair, holding the journal in your hands and reading.

It was excruciating. Harry grew nervous, feeling funny in his stomach and he tried to convince himself that it might be the salad he had eaten prior to that meeting, and not that he was nervous you’d think he was the worst songwriter to-date.

He watched your eyes, taking notice of how you didn’t skim through the words, but read them carefully and taking your time to do so.

“This is really beautiful, Harry.” You said softly, eyes still on the page before looking up at him, oblivious to the breath Harry let out, “Really beautiful.”

“Thank you.” He smiled, discreetly wiping his sweaty hands on his pants.

“Not much damage really. The concept is clear. Post-breakup song.” You said, handing him his journal.

Harry nodded, confirming.

“Are the rest like that, too?”

“Not really,” Harry shook his head, “Figured that the last album had too many of that.”

You nodded, “Yeah, I understand. Just- I say take your time, honestly. I’ll help you with the songs you have, maybe we’d get inspired along the way to write new stuff, too, but you don’t want to force anything, you know? Sometimes some lyrics just aren’t meant to be, you know?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He nodded.

“Don’t you worry,” you gave him a smile, “It’ll all work out.”

“Well, so do we have a deal?” Jeff asked with a smile, opening his arms.

“I’m in.”

Maybe it was because you said that as you looked at him, or maybe it was because he knew of how crazy talented you were – he had spoken to his good friend Ed Sheeran a week prior and Ed had sworn up and down on your talent and how “bloody lovely! Like a little bird” you were – or maybe it your smile – hell, it might be a combination of all that, but Harry was ecstatic to work with you.

“I’m very excited to work with you, Y/N.” Harry had said with a smile of his own.

“Likewise, Harry. It isn’t that common to find artists as real as you are.”

God, what was with your compliments that had him blushing?

“It’s a pleasure, Y/N,” Jeff, too, had said. “Let’s talk busi-”

“Let’s do that over lunch.” You pointed at him, standing up, “My treat.”

“You always this friendly with clients?” Harry joked with an amused smile, staring up at you.

But your smile dropped and instead, your face twisted to worry. “Oh God, I hope I’m not stepping boundaries. It’s just always a good idea to warm up to each other and- I’m sorry, you probably think this is unpro-”

“Hey, hey, no,” Harry was quick to stand, holding his hands out, “I didn’t mean it like that. I genuinely think you’re friendly. Half of the songwriters I worked with were strict and- Shit, no. Lunch sounds wonderful. Really wonderful.”

He felt like an ass. A proper one. He hadn’t meant to make you feel like you were too friendly but that didn’t turn out as well as he had thought.

“We’d love to, really. Besides, it’s probably a great idea that you and Harry know each other so the sessions can go smooth.” Jeff added, standing up.

At this, Harry found himself smiling when the smile returned to your face. “In that case, there’s a place nearby that makes amazing sandwiches and desserts.”

Jeff’s mind was squeaking from its gears working. There weren’t many people on this planet who were purely kind, and it was something he admired in Harry. But at that moment, Jeff knew he had met one more person who was genuinely kind, just like his best friend and “client” – he hated calling Harry that – and it was proof when you insisted that you could give them a ride to and from the place instead of them following behind you or using the GPS, Jeff sitting in the passenger seat during the ride to the place while Harry sat at the back.

The place was a 5-tabeled one, nothing big. One wall was decorated with polaroids of customers, the waiters and waitresses, the chefs, and another with colorful stick-notes with messages from customers. It was a lowkey place, one that Harry hadn’t visited during all his trips to the studio until that moment.

“Hey, Y/N!” The woman behind the counter beamed as she waved.

“Hi, Soph! How are you?”

Soph stood from the chair she was sitting on, taking a few steps back to show her pregnant bump, putting one hand to it, “Ready to pop!”

You had motioned towards a table to Harry and Jeff who were quietly watching the interaction.

You gasped, “Look at you! And you’re still coming to work? What a queen.”

Soph shrugged, sitting back down, “Got mouths to feed and a self to pamper.” She said before waving at Harry and Jeff, “Hello, gentlemen.”

Jeff waved with a smile while Harry added, “Hello! Congratulations on your pregnancy.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Styles.” Soph replied.

Harry liked it. The no-freaking-out. How homey it all felt.

“Rick will be with you in a sec.” Soph said.

You, Harry, and Jeff sat on the circular table, both Harry and you hanging your tote bags on their chairs.

“You come here often, huh?” Harry started the conversation, crossing his arms on the table and leaning forward.

“You have no idea. You’d think I don’t know anywhere else.” You chuckled, “Been coming here ever since I was in college.”

Harry’s eyebrows went up in surprise, “Really? How long ago was that?”

“Graduated 3 years ago, first came when I was 19 so that’s about 6 years.”

“True loyal customer you are.” Harry said.

“What did you study, Y/N?” Jeff asked.

“Music composition. Was the disgrace of the family.” You joked, “Definitely had no idea the entire time if I would actually work or not.”

“But look at you now, one of the best.” Harry motioned towards you.

You waved him off with a bashful smile, “None of that. I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, I just get paid now.”

“Who even knows what they’re doing now?” Harry rhetorically asked, “We’re just, going with the flow.”

“Word, sir. Word.” They heard, the 3 of them turning to see the waiter – Rick – by their table.

Harry laughed, “Right?”

“Absolutely. I don’t remember the last time my plans didn’t get fucked. Just riding now.” Rick shrugged.

Harry raised his fist up for a bump, Rick bumping his fist into Harry’s.

Time seemed to pass as Harry and Jeff let you order for them, talking about the music industry and sharing funny stories while at it, as well as you had discussed your own business as you ate the club sandwiches and sipped on the iced tea.

“What are you doing?” You asked with a funny face as Harry took out his wallet after you had asked for the check.

“Paying?”

“Yeah, no. Said it’d be my treat.” You pointed at him, raising one eyebrow with a smile.

“Come on, I can’t just let you pay for us on the first day we meet.”

“Let’s at least split the bill.” Jeff suggested, watching as you shook your head.

“Absolutely not.” And with that, you stood up and walked towards Soph, paying for the food.

“How much do you want to bet that something will happen between the both of you?” Jeff asked quickly with a smirk, looking at Harry with a knowing look.

Harry’s eyes widened, tearing his gaze from being on you to his friend and manager, “What?”

“How much?”

“I just met her.” Harry tried to reason with him, finding Jeff to be bizarre and irrational. Hopeful, but irrational.

Jeff only gave him a shrug, “That’s a first.”

“That’s enough rom-coms at night for you, Jeffrey.”

At the sight of you walking back towards them, they both stopped talking and instead, smiled. “All sorted.”

“Thank you so much, Y/N. You really didn’t have to.” Harry stood, slinging his tote bag on his shoulder.

“I wanted to. Please don’t mention it.” You had smiled as you replied, the 3 of you putting back your chairs. “Bye, Soph!”

“Bye, sweetie!”

“Congratulations again on your pregnancy and good luck.” Harry put both hands together, pursing his lips into a polite smile at the woman behind the counter.

“You’re a sweetheart. Thank you, kind sir.” Soph joked, tipping an imaginary hat at him to which Harry responded to by holding up the tips of his imaginary skirt, putting one foot behind the other in a curtsy making you giggle.

With no spoken words, Jeff was quick to get into the backseat, pursing his lips to stifle his laughter at Harry’s face, who looked at him with wide eyes and an expression that screamed “What the fuck are you doing?” but he got into the passenger seat nonetheless, oblivious to the light shade of red that visited his cheeks but aware of the heat his face seemed to radiate.

The ride back to the studio wasn’t quiet. The radio was on for some background music but you and Harry were too engaged in a conversation to take notice of the songs playing. Anyone could have asked you what even started the conversation of French toast and you wouldn’t know how to reply because none of you knew how you suddenly began talking about French toast.

“Have you tried soaking the toast in lemon?” You asked, tone excited and face breaking into an eager smile.

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, “Haven’t, no. How good is it?”

“God, it’s,” you shook your head, almost closing your eyes in delight as if you tasted the toast that moment but refrained because you were driving, “It’s so good.”

So what Harry secretly wished the ride was longer? He wanted to talk about French toast. That was definitely why.

“Y/N, it’s a pleasure working with you.” Jeff said, “Thank you for the food.”

“It’s no problem.” You smiled at him, turning around to look at him once you were parked.

“I’ll wait for you in the car.” Jeff said, patting Harry’s shoulder before getting out of the car.

Harry took a breath, slapping his hands against his thighs, “Well, that was fun.”

You nodded, looking back at him with a bashful smile that you mentally scolded yourself for; why were you getting bashful?

“Is it alright if I take your number from Jeff?” Harry asked quickly, “Uh, so we can schedule meeting up for the sessions.” He quickly added, “The writing sessions.” He nearly cringed at his addition and he guessed you caught on because you giggled quietly before straightening your posture.

“Actually, Jeff has my business number. Maybe you can just, take my personal one so I can reply faster. You know, the sooner the better.” You cleared your throat, nodding to yourself.

Harry’s lips stretched into a side smile as he looked at you before he coughed and nodded, “Definitely. The sooner you reply, the sooner we meet. For the writing sessions.”

“Yeah and I can give you the lemon toast recipe.” You said before your eyebrows rose up, “For business purposes, of course.”

Harry’s smile widened at that, holding out his phone for you to take after he unlocked it. “I’d love that.”

You typed in your number before handing his phone back to him, watching as Harry glanced down at it before your phone began ringing, “And that’s mine.” He said, watching you unlock you phone and type before you locked it back.

“Then it’s settled.”

“I’ll text you.” He smiled before opening the door and standing out, ducking to look at you, “Next time, lunch is on me.” And with that, Harry gave you a wave before closing the door and walking away, only giving you a smile over your shoulder and another wave before getting into the car with Jeff.

After getting some snacks from the grocery’s with a shit-eating grin on your face, you drove back to your mom’s to pick Faith up.

You stood on the other side of your car, watching the door open before you saw Faith, her backpack on her back with her grandma standing behind her.

At the sight of her Mommy, Faith was quick to grin before running to you and into you arms as if she hadn’t seen you 4 hours ago.

You hugged your daughter, pressing a kiss to her hair as you did. “Did you have fun?”

Faith nodded before she pulled away from the hug, still keeping her arms around you, “What about you? Did you have fun, Mommy?”

You almost blushed as you remembered, opting to reply a simple reply instead of getting into details. “I did. Ready to go?”

//

After giving Faith a shower and giving yourself one, too, you and Faith were sat in the comfort of your cozy apartment, sitting on the couch and watching The Greatest Showman for the umpteenth time seen as it was Faith’s favorite. With her cheddar cheese and lettuce sandwich in her right hand and favorite dinosaur toy in the other – a “Megalosaurus not a T-Rex, Mommy” – Faith was cuddling into your side while one hand of yours played with her wild hair as the other tapped absentmindedly on your phone’s screen, eyes set on the television.

“And if it’s crazy, live a little crazy.” Faith sang along with Hugh Jackman, eyes wide as if she was seeing the movie for the first time.

“You can play it sensible, a king of conventional.” You joined her, peppering kisses on her cheek causing her to squeal and giggle.

As Faith sang along with the song, you opened your phone’s camera before switching it to video, flipping the camera so that it was the front one. You started recording, the screen showing you your face as you smiled with pride, tilting it so Faith was shown as she sang, unaware of you recording.

Only 12 seconds into the video, a message pop-up had your eyes traveling to it, falling on a text preview from none other than the young man you were with that day – Harry.

‘Hey, Y/N. Sorry to bother but would you be able to send me that lemon toast recipe? Might treat myself to it tomorrow morning. Sorry for the bother. :) Harry’

After stopping the video and opening the text and reading it, if it weren’t for Faith, you wouldn’t have known that you had a grin on your face.

“Why are you smiling so big? Did Auntie Cece send a picture of her cat?” She had asked, looking up at you with curiosity.

Looking down at her, you laughed slightly at yourself. “No, she didn’t.”

“You look happy.”

There were many things you loved about your daughter, many things you were in awe at. As only a kid, Faith was one of the most empathetic people in your life and that moment as you both cuddled on the couch was proof.

With a matching grin, Faith’s eyes twinkled with glee at the sight of her smiling mom, curious to know the reason.

“They aren’t singing This Is Me yet!” Faith added, knowing that the both of you usually laughed and giggled while singing that song, only because you always sang it so dramatically and at the top of your lungs.

“Just happy you’re finally done with the sandwich because now I can do this!” And with that, you tickled her, Faith breaking into laughter and giggles as she tried to stop you.

5 minutes later, Faith was back to watching the movie while you typed a reply.

‘hey, harry! it isn’t a bother 😊 i’ll write it down and send it in a moment :))’

‘Thank you! x’

And you wrote it down and sent it to him, adding little notes, too just to make sure that he perfected the toast.

‘let me know how that goes for you :) x’

‘Will do, love. Talk to you soon. Goodnight :) x’

‘goodnight, harry x’

As if your little love took that as a sign, you looked down at her as you felt her body grow heavier against you and noticed her breath get steady, seeing her eyes closed as she snoozed.

Carefully, you turned off the television before holding her with your arm so she didn’t fall down as you stood, bending to carry her before kneeling a little to grab her fallen dinosaur, letting out a tiny groan as your back ached.

Tucking her in her bed, you sat beside her for a moment, brushing her hair back softly before bending to kiss her forehead.

“Story?” She sleepily asked, struggling to open her eyes.

You chuckled, “You’re already asleep, nugget.”

She hummed, still struggling to open her eyes, “Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You smiled before standing up, walking towards her small vanity and turning on her star light lamp.

Just as you were out of the door, you lingered, turning to look back at your daughter, “Was I really smiling big?”

In her sleepy state, Faith managed to reply. “Very big, Mommy.”

You chuckled to yourself and shook your head before walking out and towards your own room.

//

Harry felt like a kid. He was too excited that morning to get up and get on with his breakfast, wanting to deny that it wasn’t because he wanted a reason to text you, but who was he trying to lie to? No one, he was alone.

He followed the recipe, chuckling and laughing to himself during some moments when he was about to fall for some mistakes before reading your notes and saving his toasts, as if you were sitting right there and monitoring him.

His playlist was playing from his phone that he held in his hand, and he was humming along as he placed the two toasts on a plate before adding some powdered sugar to them and grabbing his juice.

Before eating, Harry had taken his time in taking a picture of his breakfast, thankful for the natural light his kitchen window was giving for his little photoshoot.

He was just as much nervous as excited as he sliced up a piece before taking a bite, taking his time to taste his work and his eyebrows shot up and he blinked twice in surprise.

It was so good.

While eating another slice, Harry held his phone and opened his messages app, going to your contact.

Attaching the best picture from his breakfast photoshoot, he added a text with it,

‘Tastes incredible! Would have burned it to coal if it weren’t for your notes hahah x’

And he put his phone back on the table, open at your messages as he continued eating while listening to music.

He was mid-sip of his juice when you replied and Harry hated how excited he got because the next thing he knew, he was having a coughing fit that had him go tearful before finally calming down.

‘looks incredible, too! oh trust me, i know. burned a fair amount of toasts on my own so i decided to spare you the damage. you’re a quick learner :)) x’

That morning, you and Harry exchanged multiple texts, drifting from his breakfast to how you both wished to have dogs.

It was around 4 when you were driving back with Faith from her gymnastics practice when Harry called, thankfully just as you were unlocking the door to your apartment.

“Hey.” You smiled to yourself as you answered, taking off your shoes by the door beside Faith’s before closing the door behind you, watching as Faith went to the bathroom to wash her hands.

“Hi,” Harry, too, was smiling to himself as he held the phone close to his ear, “I was walking around and I found this tiny restaurant that reminded me of where you took us yesterday and, apparently they make the best Italian pizza. Was wondering if you wanted to grab pizza with me and we can talk about, you know,” he chuckled, “The sessions.”

You thought, mind instantly going to who would watch Faith as you went before your eyes fell on your daughter who came back, whispering to you if she should wait for you in the bathroom seen as you were on the phone.

“One second,” you said to Harry before moving the phone from your ear and muting the sound, “Yeah, baby, do that. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

You unmuted, “Hey, sorry about that.”

“No worries.”

He was growing nervous at how you were yet to reply to his suggestion, having already had been nervous enough to suggest and call in the first place.

“Pizza and talking sound lovely.”

He released a breath, smiling to himself. “Great, great! Pick you up at 6?”

“Sure, yeah. 6 is great. I’ll go now. See you soon, Harry.”

“See you soon, Y/N.”

You didn’t trust strangers to watch your daughter, didn’t exactly trust strangers in your house unattended, too. It’s why at times when you couldn’t drive the 40-minute drive to your mom’s, your best friend, Cece, was always your go-to and that was especially nice because she also lived two buildings away.

Cece’s job was one from her home, making food and delivering it to people while she managed her business on her own through social media and it was why most of the time, she was home and always happy to have her goddaughter keep her company.

After calling Cece to make sure she was okay with babysitting Faith for some time and her assuring you that she was, you prepared dinner for your daughter after giving her a shower.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving, baby?” You asked as you sat with Faith while she ate the pasta you made her.

It wasn’t frequent of you to leave Faith for anything but work. Maybe for a night out with some friends every now and then but you always went out with them for 3 hours tops before you began feeling guilty for leaving your daughter and going back to get her so you can spend time together instead.

And it wasn’t like you were frequently going on dates either. Cece had pushed you into it when Faith was 2, and you did go out a few times with different people, all whom you never heard of whenever they knew that you had a daughter and then you decided that maybe the single mom life was just too welcoming of you.

Hell, you didn’t know whether you should call having pizza with Harry a date. It wasn’t, was it? Not that you’d mind but it was for business, wasn’t it? Strictly business. Or maybe it wasn’t and that was fine by you- and now you were beginning to feel like a teenager again. Great.

“Mommy,” Your 4-year-old huffed, rolling her eyes, “I’m a big girl. You should have more fun.”

You couldn’t believe that you were getting advice from a 4-year-old, especially your daughter, but you deserved that.

“When did you get so big?” You rhetorically asked, “Thank you for being understanding, Nugget.”

Faith smiled at you, kicking her legs as she ate. “Where are you going?”

Now that question you weren’t prepared for, as much as you thought about it.

You couldn’t risk telling too much to Faith, knowing that she got excited over new people and couldn’t risk disappointing her if Harry ended up being, well, not one to stick or friendly to kids of single moms.

But at the same time, your daughter was your best friend. It was because of your honesty with her and how you acknowledge her and treat her that she was an understanding and empathetic person who could hold a conversation.

“Well, you know Harry Styles? The man who sings Canyon Moon?” You asked, knowing that that song was on her top favorite songs list after she had heard it once on the radio as you were driving her to her practice.

She nodded, “The pretty man with drawings?”

She had been curious to see the face behind her favorite song and once you showed her a picture, her smile got big and she had said that he was “very pretty” and had “nice drawings that she wanted to color in” meaning his tattoos.

You chuckled, “Yes, that one.” Again, Faith nodded. “Well, I’m helping him with his songs and I’m going to have dinner with him tonight.” You said, crossing your arms on the table.

Faith dropped her fork, looking at you with wide eyes and an open mouth, causing you to laugh heartfully at your daughter. “Mommy, really?!”

You nodded, opening your phone’s camera to record her, Faith not caring.

“Mommy you’re meeting Harry Styles!”

“I am,” you laughed, “Are you happy?”

“Very happy I’m going to cry!” She gasped, “Can I see him? Please, Mommy, please!”

“I don’t know, Nugget. I might have to ask him.”

“Do you think he’ll say no?” She frowned, “I can wear my Harry dress!”

And by her Harry dress, she meant the Fine Line black tee you had bought her, and even though it was sized small, she was only a toddler so you had resulted for her to wear it as a dress after you had trimmed it and its sleeves and had your mom fit it as tight as she could without damaging it. Needless to say, whenever your daughter wore the oversized tee dress, you had to snap multiple pictures of her because she always looked too adorable and fashionable in it.

“I don’t know what he’ll say but I’ll ask him. And yes, you can. You always look adorable in it.” You smiled, still recording her.

“Can you tell him I love his songs? I love Canyon Moon so much an-Oh! And Sunflower, too!” She grinned, “Are you going to show him this video?” Faith asked as she looked at you.

You shrugged, “You want me to?”

She nodded excitedly before looking at the camera, “Mr. Harry, I love you very much, sir. I hope I can see you but Mommy said she’ll ask you so please say yes. Make Mommy happy, not sad. Goodnight, sir.”

Your heart might have as well exploded that moment as she waved before you ended the video.

As if he was waiting for you to finish, your phone began ringing the moment you stopped recording, finding Harry calling you which made you instantly pick up the moment Faith began eating again.

“Hey, do you like strawberries?” He asked, the moment you picked up.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion but a silly smile took over your face nonetheless, “Uh, yes?”

“Alright, great. I’ll see you soon. Bye!”

//

To make matters easier, once Harry had texted you that he was 2 minutes away, you grabbed your bag and left your apartment and into the elevator before walking outside your building, just in time to see a yellow Ferrari Dino pull up.

You smiled at him, watching as he parked before getting out, “Did I keep you waiting for long?” He asked as he approached you.

“No, just came down.” You answered, watching as he reluctantly slightly opened his arms. He was a hugger.

You wrapped your arms around him in a greeting hug, taking notice of how good he smelled. Just as good as he looked; he was in off-white textured knit Wales Bonner polo, paired with his Gucci flared denim pants and off-white Converse. Nobody should be allowed to look that good in casual clothes.

It wasn’t like Harry’s mind wasn’t doing flips at that moment, too. Instead of smelling like overpriced perfume, you smelled like coconut and roses; a refreshing smell that made Harry’s smile deepen enough for his dimple to make appearance. You, too, were in casual clothes; violet colored cropped culottes, a white tee tucked inside, white sneakers on, a black and white cross-bag and your hair was up in a messy ponytail that was kept by a hairband but you wrapped a black and white head bandana around the band just for the looks.

You looked effortlessly beautiful.

You both walked to his car, Harry opening the door for you before grabbing something from the passenger seat before you sat – a bouquet of strawberries.

“Didn’t know what type of flowers you like so,” he said before extending the bouquet towards you with sweetest and giddiest smile, “Hope that’s okay.”

You almost melted, your face changing to a pout as your head tilted to look at him while you accepted the bouquet, “This is so nice of you. Thank you, I love it.”

Alright so you don’t get strawberry bouquets to people you aren’t going on dates with, right?

The ride to the little pizzeria was nice – comfortably nice. You had shared the strawberries there and your stomach did a thousand flips when you offered Harry one only to have him open his mouth,

“I’m driving.”

And then he opened his mouth again, biting the strawberry you offered with your hand, laughing when it was about to drip on him if it weren’t for your fast reflexes – thank motherhood for that – as you held out your other hand beneath his chin.

By sharing strawberries, you mean you ate some as well as fed Harry some.

You both mentally took notice of how conversations flowed so effortlessly between you, as if you had met years ago and not just a day. Hell, even the texts were random and messy as well as entertaining and fun.

The drive wasn’t a long one, only about 20 minutes before Harry was parking in front of a place called ‘La Pizza’.

You both went outside the car, you waiting for Harry by your side as he walked towards you.

You might as well have melted right there and then when you felt Harry’s hand, very gently, on your back. It was very gentle, you almost didn’t notice and you felt that he was just making sure that he wasn’t making you uncomfortable but it was a reflex action of his. Nonetheless, you appreciated the concern and decided to show him that it was okay to touch you when you touched his arm as you both walked through the door.

Harry gulped, feeling hot as you touched him and he almost scolded himself because it only lasted for a second, yet there he was, getting flustered already. What the fuck was going on with him?

A waitress greeted the both of you, smiling widely as she motioned for you to follow her inside the place.

“There are more tables on the roof, would you want to check that?”

Harry looked at you the same moment you did at him, both of you nodding to each other to say that you wouldn’t mind.

“That would be great, thank you.” Harry said, smiling politely at the waitress who nodded and walked in front of you with the both of you following her up the stairs, Harry’s hand now more comfortably on your back as he walked behind you.

The roof was beautiful; cliché but beautiful fairy lights of small globe bulbs hung above the place, only 3 tables there, each at a good amount of distance from each other.

“Would you want to sit here or downstairs?”

Harry looked at you, you giving him a nod. “Here would be fine.”

The waitress nodded before guiding you towards a 2-chaired table. Harry had sat you down first before moving to his chair.

“Thank you.” You both said in unison as the waiter placed 2 menus in front of the both of you.

“I’ll be back to take your orders.” She smiled before leaving.

“Looks good.” You smiled at him before looking down at the menu.

“Didn’t know they had a roof.” Harry said, “This saved me.” He chuckled.

You looked up with confusion, “Saved you from what?”

Harry shrugged, now growing nervous. “Uh, wasn’t sure if taking you out for the first time here was chivalrous enough because it felt too casual, like a friends thing and not a date but now here seems right.”

He wished the ground he was on would split and swallow him whole. Wished to crawl up a hole and cry.

There were things he was practicing on on the way to you; like how he would hide that he was a nervous wreck, how he was excited to spend time with you, how he knew almost every single song you worked on, and finally, how he wouldn’t spill that he thought that was a date, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

You were amused. Contrary to how Harry truly felt, you thought it was nice that he was straightforward.

“Figured this wasn’t too casual the moment you gave me the strawberry bouquet, Harry.” You smiled, assuring him that you were okay with this being a date.

Looks like it wasn’t business after all.

Harry chuckled, raising an eyebrow, “That was nice, wasn’t it?”

You laughed, “Yes. Don’t think I was ever given a bouquet of fruit so yeah. Really nice.”

You both went through the menu, commenting on some plates and ingredients as you did and contemplating together.

“Maybe we should just get two pizzas and share, so we can try more than one option.” You suggested.

“Good idea.” He agreed, “What do you think of Quattro Formaggi?”

“Ooo, yes.” You then pointed on another topping, “Pizza Melanzane?”

“Yes.” Harry closed his menu with a nod.

Shortly after, your waitress came back and took your order before leaving.

“Finished a song yesterday.”

Your eyes widened as you took a sip of water before putting the glass back down, “Really?”

Harry nodded, “Yeah. A new one.”

“You mean you wrote a new one? Not finished writing one you already had?”

Again, he nodded, putting his arms on the table. “New. Very much new.”

You grinned at him, “That’s amazing. What is it about?”

Alright maybe he didn’t think that one through. He did write a song the previous night and he was proud of it and his gut did tell him that it would make it to the list of his next album, but telling you about it on your first – and he hoped it wasn’t the last – date? Well, not so ideal.

“It’s about opening up to someone new. Trying love again and unraveling yourself to the other person.”

Maybe it was because of your situation, but your breath hitched in your throat.

“You know when you get fucked from an ex and love as whole and you think that you don’t want to go through that again and you, like, close off,” Harry explained, “And it’s like you’re immune to feeling any sort of love or interest in anyone after that. Sure, maybe some sexual attraction here and there, but never something wholesome, you know?” He motioned with one of his rings clad hands as he talked, “But then you meet someone and you feel like a teenager or something,” he chuckled, “And it’s a nice feeling, it’s wonderful, that you start thinking that, hey,” he tilted his head, “Maybe I can do this again.”

You were speechless.

You were a woman of words, hell, you worked with words, but right then, you barely remembered the alphabets.

“You- You get me, right?” Harry asked.

You broke out of your trance, nodding absentmindedly, “Yeah, yeah, I,” you paused, an airy chuckle leaving your throat, “Man do I get you.”

He smiled in amusement, “Relatable?”

“Too much, you had me by surprise.” You answered honestly, releasing a breath.

It wasn’t a surprise to Harry that somebody broke your heart; it was always the good ones who got their hearts broken and got fucked over, always the givers.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling of shock at who would possibly have you at arm’s length, with the ability to kiss and cuddle you, and decide to break your heart?

See, maybe Harry had just met you but you know when you meet someone good. Someone kind. Especially when you’re in an industry that is full of shitty people and too many cold snobs.

“When was it?”

You understood his question, understanding that he meant to ask you about when your heart got broken – when somebody fucked you over.

“5 years ago.” You answered, “You?”

“2.”

“Cheers.” You joked, raising your glass of water to clink it to his, chuckling when he did clink them.

“5 years is a long time.” He commented, gentle with his tone as were his eyes.

“It is,” you agreed, “Got over him, really.”

“You met someone after?”

His question made you think again of your answer, causing you to giggle before correcting yourself, “Got over him as a person but not over the whole thing.”

Harry chuckled, “So no.”

You shook your head, “No. Didn’t have the heart to.” And even though your sentence carried double meanings, you took a mental note of that same sentence just for future songwriting sessions. “What about you? Met anyone after it?”

“Not really,” he shook his head, “Friends set me up with some people but it never went further than a day.”

“You don’t click?”

“No,” Harry answered before a small smile made its way to his face, “I didn’t.”

Your face grew hot, breaking eye contact to glance beside you for a moment.

“How long did it take to write that song yesterday?” You asked, turning back to look at him, growing more flustered to see that he was already looking at you with the same smile.

“Think 25 minutes.”

Your eyes widened, “Inspiration really did hit you, Harry, huh?”

“Grabbed the journal and guitar and I just ran to the studio at home, and it just,” he shrugged, “Happened.”

“Let it keep hitting you like that and we won’t be working together.” You said with a smirk.

“Then I’ll purposely distract myself whenever it hits me so I can see you.” Harry was quick to reply, a smug smile of his own on his face.

“Oh my God.” You whispered under your breath, shaking your head as you covered your face, hearing Harry laugh before feeling his hands on yours, guiding them down.

Shortly after, your waitress was back with your orders; both pizzas looking mouthwatering.

You and Harry decided against utensils, exchanging slices with your hands and granted, as Harry had said, they did make the best Italian pizza.

//

After the pizza and paying, you and Harry had grabbed ice cream from the parlor right next to the pizzeria before sitting in the car, remaining parked as you laughed about everything and anything.

“And I had no idea that Paul McCartney was right behind me the entire time. It was awful!” You finished, laughing more at how hard Harry was laughing at your story.

“Would’ve changed my name and moved out of this planet if I were you.” He teased you as he regained his breath.

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed, rolling your eyes at him.

Harry laughed, reaching out to place a hand on yours, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Embarrassing shit happens to me everyday, too. On stage is the worst.”

You tried to ignore the tingly feeling that rushed within you at his hand over yours, but good heavens, you were a goner. “The falls?”

“At some point I thought it was good my tour got postponed because I see myself falling during most of the songs. Imagine Watermelon Sugar, I’d be a clown.”

You laughed, “Probably so,” you teased him, batting your eyelashes jokingly when he feigned shock, “But really, you’re an amazing performer. I actually have been to one of your shows once.”

Harry’s eyes widened and as did his smile, “No way.”

You nodded, “The one in Glasgow in November.”  

“You’re telling me that we were in the same room and-“ Harry paused, shaking his heads as he let out a chuckle of disbelief, “Wow. Alright. Did you have anyone with you?”

“Was just me and Faith.” You answered nonchalantly, only realizing once you did before your looked intently at Harry.

“Is that a best friend?” He asked, “Did they enjoy the show?”

“She did, yeah. Very actually,” You chuckled, remember how surprised you were at how 2-year-old Faith at the time was actually very interested and was dancing in your arms the entire time. “And she is my best friend at some point but she’s my daughter.”

You didn’t know what you were expecting but you definitely weren’t expecting Harry to grin excitedly.

“You have a daughter?”

“Uh, yeah,” you nodded, a small smile on your face as you inspected him, “I do. She turns 5 in December.”

Harry only seemed to get more excited at the news, which made your heart flutter at the sight of.

“Do you have a picture?”

“Yeah, of course,” you smiled more then, eager to show him your beautiful girl before unlocking your phone and opening your photos album, only to find the most recent addition to it – the video. “Hey, actually, she wanted me to show you something.”

You gave Harry the phone to watch better, most of the time keeping your eyes on him. Harry’s cheeks sported a shade of red at how highly your daughter spoke of him, laughing and giggling to himself as he watched.

“Nooo, I won’t say no. I’d love to meet her.” He cooed, continuing to watch.

As the video ended, Harry handed you back the phone, “Please let me meet her. And what’s that Harry dress?”

And so you told him about your adventure with the tee, to which his heart seemed to grow a thousand times more at.

“I wasn’t aware kids loved me, I’m sorry you couldn’t find her size.” Harry frowned, feeling genuinely bad.

“Hey, no,” you assured him, putting your other hand on his – that was still resting on yours – “Don’t worry about it. You don’t exactly sing the alphabetics, Mr. sex-inspired-my-last-album-and-I-made-it-on-shrooms.”

Harry giggled, shrugging at you.

You both talked some more, only about Faith. Harry’s eyes were wide with admiration when you told him about how you raised her alone – also assured when he realized that the father wasn’t exactly in the picture even though his heart broke at that – and he showered you with compliments of how brave you were to raise a kid alone.

“Think I should head back now. I still need to pick Faye up from my best friend’s.” You said, leaning your head on the headrest as your body was turned towards Harry, his hand sandwiched between yours on your thigh.

“Can I help?” He asked, “Only if that’s okay. I don’t want to be crossing my limits.”

Your eyes searched his, growing emotional at the man in front of you. “Are you sure?”

Again with the double meanings.

That time, Harry noticed, his face softening as he looked back at you. Softly and ever-so-gently, he leaned to press a soft kiss on your cheek, “I’m sure.”

As he drove, you and Harry held hands on your thigh, the both of you singing along to Fleetwood Mac on your way.

As you gave Harry directions, he was absentmindedly rubbing your hand with his thumb. If you would have told him that he was doing that, he would have denied it; not because he wanted to deny it, but because it felt too natural that he didn’t realize he was doing it.

“Right here.” You pointed at a building, “She’s two buildings away. You can go, it’s a short walk.”

“I’ll wait for you here.” Harry said, parking before turning to look at you.

“Harry, seriously, you can leave if you want. I’m right there.” You pointed at your building.

“Nonsense, love. I’ll wait here.”

You sighed in contentment, giving his hand a squeeze before getting out of the car and into the building.

“Why did you not tell me that you were on a date with Harry fucking Styles?” Cece whisper shouted as soon as she opened the door, “Knew from Faith, you shit.”

“Because you’d overr-“

“He could be the one!”

“-react. You’d overreact and plan our wedding.” You teased your best friend, “Where’s Faye?”

“Won’t you come in for a drink?” She asked before turning, “Faith, it’s your mom!”

“Can’t. Uh,” you cleared your throat, “Someone’s waiting for me.”

“Some- No fucking way!” She exclaimed, muttering a “sorry” when you hushed her, “He-Harry is downstairs? Are you shitting me?” Cece excitedly asked.

You couldn’t stifle the smile on your face as you nodded.

Cece was about to talk some more before Faith appeared beside her, her backpack hung on one shoulder as she rubbed her eyes.

You knelt down, hugging her. “Hey, Nugget. You sleepy?”

Faith only nodded, wrapping her arms around you as you carried her, feeling her rest her head on your shoulder and you instantly knew that she slept.

“I’ll text you, alright?” You whispered to Cece.

“You better.”

Carrying Faith as well as having her backpack in one hand, once Harry saw you, he was out of the car and rushing towards you, taking the bag from your hand.

“Thank you.” You smiled thankfully, noticing how he walked beside you and guided you to the car, opening the door for you and sleeping Faith before closing it as gently as he could.

The lack of backseats made Harry place the purple backpack on his lap as he drove towards your building, a seconds drive.

He stopped the car and was out of his seat the moment he parked, slinging the bag on his shoulder before helping you out, taking your bag for you, to which you quietly thanked him for.

“Um, you can place the bags on my shoulders or something.”

“I can help you upstairs, come on. It’s no problem.”

You knew he was set on it and you let him, mostly because of how surprised you were that there were people who didn’t cringe and run the moment they knew the other person had a kid.

Harry did all the work; opened the building’s door for you, pressed for the elevator, pressed your floor number and had even taken out your keys once you told him to to unlock the door.

“Come in, come in.” You whispered.

Unsure of what to do, Harry walked inside and mirrored your actions by taking off his shoes before lingering.

“You can follow me.” You whispered again, turning around for a moment to look at him with a smile.

A quick take of the apartment was what Harry could do as he followed you, feeling an emotion of comfort and coziness engulf him as he did.

You were never less thankful for yourself for every time you changed Faith into pajamas before taking her to Cece’s, because it only made the process of tucking her in easier.

Harry had helped you by moving the covers so you could place Faith in bed before he stepped back, letting you tuck her in.

He smiled, watching how you seemed to shift around her or even when you just talked about her, like she was the most important person in your life and he knew that she was exactly that.

Faith was beautiful, and more often than not, you were glad that she got most of your looks and not her biological father’s because it only meant that he really was out of your life.

Harry noticed it, too. She had your nose, your lips, your facial outline, and your hair color. And from what he had seen in the video from when Faith was awake, she had your eye color.

You placed a kiss to her forehead before turning around, your eyes falling on Harry whose eyes were set on Faith with a ghost of a smile on his face.

His eyes came up to you and you noticed that he was still holding on to Faith’s backpack and was wearing your crossbag across his own chest.

You smiled as you grabbed the backpack from him and putting it aside on the floor before looking at him.

The only light in the room was from the hallway, making the room dimmed and making the both of you in a much more sentimental moment.

“They usually run away when they find about Faith.” You whispered, stepping closer to him, “Now is your cue.”

Harry’s eyes were on yours until they glanced at your lips, and butterflies erupted in your stomach at that.

“Thank God I’m not one of them, then.” He replied gently in a low whisper before he leaned closer, shamelessly looking at your lips.

It was you who took the final step, closing the minimal space between you by placing your lips on his.

His hands went to your waist as yours went to his neck, feeling him kiss you back softly but eagerly before pulling away from less than a second to tilt his head, getting a better angle before his lips were back on yours.

“Mommy?”

Pt. 2 

[amelinksanatomy]

Could you do like an (intentional) amelinkI home/water birth? Like it’s during COVID and Amelia doesn’t want to risk going to the hospital

Safe At Home

A/N: Thank you for the prompt! This is set as if Scout was born during the pandemic. Enjoy! I hope this is what you were looking for!

"Please." Amelia pouts across the couch at her boyfriend, "I need to do this."

"Amelia, you know I love you and you know all I want is for you to feel as comfortable as you can but I just... I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?" Amelia asks, resting a hand on the top of her large bump, "Because what if something goes wrong, Amelia? What if there's a complication while you're giving birth?"

Amelia sniggers, "There's obviously going to be an OB here."

Carefully and slowly, Amelia scoots herself across the couch to sit next to Link. She leans back into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Amelia takes hold of his hand, bringing it up to her belly and pressing it against where she was feeling soft kicks.

"Link, the hospital is not safe right now. People are getting sick and dying at a rapid pace. The hospital is so not safe right now that Bailey insisted you and I start our leave 4 weeks earlier than we had planned." Amelia holds her hand over Links, "This baby is healthy. I am growing a healthy baby and I need him to stay that way."

"He's going to Ames. He is going to be fine and so are you and so am I." Link kisses her head gently.

"Link, I am not risking it. I am having this baby here, at home, where it's safe." Amelia says sternly, hoisting herself up off the couch and walking over to the kitchen, "Oh! And, I want a water birth."

"What?" Link's eyebrows furrow in shock, watching as his heavily pregnant girlfriend calmly grab a snack from the fridge and start to wander back over.

"What? We can put a blow up birthing pool in here, no where else in the apartment would get messy or gross. I can't have drugs anyway so that's not an issue with the water, which, will help ease the pain of pushing out your baby. There will be an OB here, I already talked to Carina about it and she said she will be available for us whenever I go into labor. It'll be great." Amelia smiles as she sits back down next to him, attempting to convince him.

"You've really thought about this, huh?" Link laughs, "Listen, Ames... If this is what you really want, if this is what's going to make you feel safe while giving birth then I guess I'll go along with it."

"Really?" Amelia smiles toothily, holding a hand under her bump as she bounces in her seat to face him.

"Of course. Does it worry me a little? Absolutely it does. But, I know this is going to be hard for you and I want you to be as comfortable as you possibly can be so, if that means giving birth in a pool in our living room then, I will support it."

"Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I love you." Amelia smiles as she leans in, kissing him softly, "I love you, more."

--------------------------------------

After weeks of planning, buying everything they would need online and various doubts from Link; Amelia had gone into labor.

At first, Amelia was labouring with just Link. She'd been in various positions around the apartment. But once her water broke, Link had called Carina who, just as she said, made herself available to come over and help them through the rest. While on the phone, Carina had suggested that Link begin setting up the birthing pool since they often take a while to fill.

While Link was setting things up and Carina was on her way over, Amelia's contractions began ramping up. They were becoming more painful by the second as they started getting closer together. She had taken to kneeling on the floor, elbows propped up on the couch as she breathed through the pain. Carina took a lot longer than expected to get to the apartment so, by the time she did, the birthing pool was completely full.

"Alright Amelia, I'm going to need you lay back and spread your legs so I can check how dilated you are." Carina instructs, being her usual upbeat self.

Amelia does as asked, slowly lowering herself to a laying position on the couch and spreading her legs to allow Carina to begin her pelvic exam.

"Okay, things seem to be moving along pretty quickly. You're already at 9cm Amelia so, I'm gonna set things up and you should get yourself settled in the water." Carina says as she pulls off her gloves, surprise in her voice at Amelia's fast progression.

Amelia looks over at Link. He can sense the fear, he can see it in her eyes. As Carina goes to prep her equipment, Link jumps up and makes his way over to Amelia. She was already in her bathing suit top and was sat up on the couch, rubbing her hands in circles around her bump, continuing to breath heavily.

"Ames, it's gonna be okay, I promise." Link smiles, offering out his hands to help her up slowly.

"What if something goes wrong? We're at home. I'm about to give birth in our living room Link, what if something goes wrong." Amelia's eyes begin tearing up as all her fears come flooding back.

Link kisses her head gently, running his hands up and down her sides to offer some comfort, "Babe, look at me... I promise, everything is going to be okay. Carina has a huge amount of equipment with her and she is the best OB we could have here. Nothing is going to go wrong. You are safe, he is safe, right here, at home."

After Amelia recovered from another sharply painful contraction, Link helped her to slowly lower herself into the warm water. She was sat and leaning against the side of the blow up pool, her arms were folded up out of the water so she could grip Link's hands tightly as she moaned through contractions. She suddenly leant her head back against his body, looking up at him and whispering.

"DeLuca!" Link called out to the kitchen causing Carina to appear around the corner, "She says she's ready to push."

"Mhm I can feel him. He wants out." Amelia says through clenched teeth, "I am not ready at all but... oooh- he definitely is."

Carina quickly grabbed her tray of instruments, pulled on her gloves and set herself up next to the pool. Amelia carefully moved from her sitting position, pushing herself up to a squatting stance. She continued to hold onto Link's hands, gripping them tightly.

"Okay, Amelia, I know you're a Doctor and you know this but I'm just going to explain what I'm going to do." Amelia purses her lips as she tries to hold off the need to push to hear Carina out, "Once he comes out, it may look scary to see him in the water but it's perfectly okay and I will catch him right away and place him directly onto your chest and get Link to cut the cord."

Once Carina finished explaining, Amelia nods and tilts her head to look up at Link who gives her a reassuring smile and hand squeeze.

"Now, Amelia, push!"

---------------------------------------

Amelia had been pushing for 15 minutes and while Carina was assuring her that she only needed two more big pushes, she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

"You're very close Amelia, he is almost out."

"I can't." Amelia cries, "I can't do this. I can't do this."

Link leans closer into Amelia, holding her hands and kissing her head, "Babe, you can do this, you can."

"No, no, no, I can't." Amelia drops her chin to her chest, her cries getting louder and more desperate as the pressure builds, "I'm too tired. It hurts too bad."

"Ames, you're doing so good, I'm so proud of you already. You're so close, our boy is almost here. You're going to get to hold your son, our son, in your arms in a few minutes. You can do this, I know you can." Link leans in and places a kiss on her cheek gently.

"Amelia, I really need you to push now." Carina says firmly to get her attention.

Amelia takes a few deep breaths, trying to control her breathing and calm down. She takes a second to ground herself, feeling the water, which had now cooled down, around her body. By the time her next contraction hit, she was ready and found herself pushing once more.

"Perfect. His head is out Amelia so just one more big push!" Carina informs her. Hearing that her son was halfway out and about to be in her arms, gave Amelia that final bit of strength she needed to push.

The next thing she knew, a huge pressure was relieved and Carina was pulling the newborn out of the water and placing him on her chest, "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god."

The baby's cries fill the room. Both Amelia and Link stare at the tiny human laying on her chest, completely in shock and disbelief that he was really here, that he was really theirs.

"He's so perfect." Link says through his tears, leaning closer over the side of the pool to place a kiss on Amelia's lips gently before carefully caressing his son's head with his thumb, "You did so good. I couldn't love you more."

"He's okay. He's perfect and everything's okay. He's really okay." Amelia cried, a smile plastered on her face as she stared at the tiny baby in her arms, completely oblivious to whatever Carina was doing. After a few moments, Amelia pulled her gaze away from her baby and tilted her head up to look at Link, their teary blue eyes meeting as they smile softly at each other,

"Thank you for doing this with me. Everything is perfect."

[sohoharlem]

[I included the blinds in this one if you want to post this one instead.]


I’d just like to add as a side note that before this, in early 2020, Sebastian had become more active again for the first time since around 2018, after drama went down with his ex. It had appeared that he was making a turn around for the fandom and becoming himself again, or at least attempting to.


Late March - June of 2020 


TFATWS stops filming. Sebastian starts looking rough through quarantine. 


March 25th he does a podcast with Don Saladino where he critiques people who travel during the pandemic, calling them dumb fucks and that it pisses him off.


April 29th Seb does solo pap walk with latex gloves.


May 3rd Seb does solo pap walk with mask and latex gloves, he even waterfalls his water bottle.


May 13 he posts a picture of NYC saying “Happy Days will come again” and puts a praying emoji.


May 15th he posts beautiful pictures he took of his city NYC during the pandemic and tags it “I love New York. We’ll be back.” (talking about pandemic being over.)


He appears in his friend’s Aaron’s video wearing a mask and looking at people without a mask and looking disappointed in them for not wearing one.
He does a few other interviews, including one with Variety, where he talks passionately about thanking healthcare workers and how he claps everyday at 7PM out his window to thank them.

 
It is evident he takes the quarantine and COVID very seriously.


Mid-Late May


He starts looking rough and it becomes evident to his fans that the quarantine is not doing him well. 


After his May 15th posts he stops posting.


May 22nd 2020 Sebastian Stan is signed with CAA.


*where things get weird*


Fans start wondering if he is doing okay and begin to grow concerned, especially after his most recent story showing him singing that he can’t wait for this year to end.
 

He is MIA during the George Floyd and BLM movement and fans begin leaving comments on his instagram interrogating him for not speaking about BLM and for his silence.


Fans begin leaving comments such as “Silence is an answer” on his Instagram and talk about his past start to arise on Twitter. (About his ex who used the N-word, and his assistant that he fired because she was Islamophobic. 


Other fans are still worried for his sudden silence during a time where most celebrities are being extremely vocal about BLM. 

While they are upset, they are still concerned.
On the news, his neighborhood is one of the areas in NYC shown on TV for being looted and attacked by vandalism. 

He is still silent.


May 31st he posts a NYTOpinion video about race, hash tagging it #justiceforGeorgeFloyd .


In the screen record for his video the names of his assistants come up on his phone. 
Sebastian does not say anything else for about three weeks when he then posts another charity on June 12th, one supporting Anthony Mackie.


JUNE 2020 


June 15th he posts another charity: one for conscious kid and one for Rayshard Brooks. He uses tag #blacklivesmatter .


Sebastian goes silent again. We don’t hear from him all month and fans grow even more worried now. 


He is silent for the rest of the month.


July


July 2nd/3rd He is seen on his friend’s Luke’s instagram in IBIZA for his manager’s birthday. Camera pans to Seb briefly and he looks unamused, almost trying to hide his face.


Fandom is in hysteria, and mostly confusion, because him being across the ocean during the pandemic went against everything he spoke about. 


Fandom is very upset with him. Especially since he is unmasked.


July 2nd/3rd, paparazzi pictures are released of him on a yacht laughing and kissing AO. Fandom is a mixture of confused, upset, but also happy for him because he looks like he is having a good time.


Fans on twitter start to aim ‘cancel culture’ and Sebastian Stan is Over trends for a few hours.


Paul H makes tweet defending his friend.


After July 4th and that week, fans uncover AO’s cultural ap. photos.

 
Some fans began interrogating her on her instagram. During this time we hear nothing directly from Seb.


He is silent on IG. 


July 3rd She posts Jet-ski picture without tagging him. 


Sometime this week they go to a very crowded strip/dance club of some sort. A friend records them and AO is seen sitting next to Seb and dancing against him.


July 7th AO does photoshoot in Madrid. New pap photo. Seb looks strikingly unhappy compared to pictures from July 3rd on the Yacht.


July 7th 2020 blind item, blind Item #11: “He might live in the US full time and be a naturalized US citizen, but this alliterate foreign born A list most movie actor used the passport he has from his birth country to take a vacation in Europe.”


Mid July to late July


Jul 8th - 12th silence. We assume they are still in Spain together, but we are not sure. We know she is.


July 12th, Ale posts first picture that we catch for being a throwback. It’s her on a beach, but we find out it’s old. We still don’t know where Seb is confirmed to be.


Silence again until the 14th when both Seb and Ale are called out for blocking fans on instagram that are attacking them. 


July 27th, Ale posts picture of the Netflix show she was on.


August


Nothing until August 11 when she tags her friend in a post saying she misses her. 


August 13th Seb posts his mother on his Birthday and also a The Devil All The Time clip.


LOOPHOLE TO USA.


August 14th she posts from Bermuda.


We soon make the connection that she uses this as loophole to get into the United States during Corona Virus. 


She posts several stories from there, including a boomerang of her throwing a towel at the camera. 


August 16th Seb posts another charity event that he did in Spain for a children’s hospital and school. 

His teams says it was planned many months in advance after fans question his reckless action.


We still don’t know where Seb is. 
There are no pap pictures during this time.
August 20th she posts Bermuda again.


August 21st their 3rd pap walk in the United States in NYC. Both masked and holding hands.


August 23rd he posts another Charity.


August 25th AO posts Bermuda again. Assumed throwback. 


August 25th another Pap walk outside his front door. Fans are shocked since he is so private. They both look very off guard even though it’s labeled Backgrid, meaning paps were called. This could’ve been taken the 24th but I don’t have access to byline to confirm.


It is assumed by many fans that around this time is when they see private information about his loft being rented. let me know if you would like me to leave this part out, but I feel it might be important.


August 27th he posts a Bucky throwback.


I don’t remember the exact date, but sometime between August 28th and 31st, Seb is supposedly spotted by a random fan at LAX.


August 31st AO post’s a video from Jersey City, NJ.


At this point in time we are aware that The Falcon and Winter Soldier will resume filming in Atlanta in mid September. Article states that crew and cast are to mandatory quarantine prior.


We don’t know where they both are at this point.


September


September 4th, AO posts another picture from the Netflix show she was on.


September 11th Seb posts a 9/11 picture that he took of the city and labels it “Thinking of NYC today”
September 11th, Ale posts a photoshoot picture of herself.


September 12th, Margarita unfollows Seb.


I don’t remember exactly when, but at a certain point, Ale starts posting videos and pictures of herself in what appears to be maybe Atlanta. Before this, she posts a picture of Sushi. 
She baits with picture of a script and also a book that she could possibly audition for.


September 14th Seb posts another Bucky picture.


September 15th, Seb posts another charity.
TFATWS commences shooting around this time.


September 15th 2020, Blind Item #11: “This studio really wanted to film their new streaming show for their own stream. They want nothing to shut it down so are covering up positive COVID tests of the cast and crew. Not Netflix. Not amazon. Revealed: Falcon and The Winter Soldier”


AO continues to bait fans with pictures and videos of food and a TV watching movies.


September 18th AO posts a hiking picture that fans quickly find out is a (very very plausible) throwback from Costa Rica.


September 19th Seb posts a very strange video of himself watching gossip girl in an apartment that fans see looks very different from where Ale was “baiting”. 

Some fans claim maybe he’s just in a different room. In the video he is drinking wine and even pans the camera to his ex girlfriend on tv and then back to himself when he swallows huge gulps of wine.


September 22nd he posts a VOTE picture with Mackie. Another “Link in my Bio”. 5th one in the last few months?


September 25th she posts from what we later find out is an Inn in Atlanta where they stayed before going to Prague.


September 30th 2020, Blind Item #9: “This foreign born alliterate A/A- list mostly movie actor has brought a new escort stripper on set everyday he has been shooting. Revealed: Sebastian Stan.“


October 

*this is when Seb’s health starts to worry us


October 5th she posts a picture of Seb and her jumping in front of a bonfire at the Inn. Seb’s face is blurred out and she does not tag him.


October 6th, Seb posts video promoting his move 355. 


October 8th Seb posts the Charity water video from Atlanta.
A little after this time, AO’s location changes over to Spain. 

We are unaware of how long she is there for.


Her baiting stops for a bit.

October 14th 2020, Blind Item #7: ”This alliterate foreign born A list mostly movie actor brought in an Easter European porn star to have sex with he saw online. The whole fake girlfriend thing is not believed by anyone, so just give up.“


October 16th and 18th AO posts old photoshoot photos and tags her team

.
** Fans grow concern as AO continues to post work related content and we hear nothing about Seb.


** Seb is rumored to be in Prague, but no sighting or baiting is every mentioned. It is not confirmed they ever interacted while in Prague. 


** AO’s location finally changes to Prague and she posts pictures with someone that shocks fans - her manager. 


** AO posts fake pictures of what looks like a play she might audition for and we realize is just printed out photos. Videos of her holding fake play is recorded in a hotel lobby with her manager.


** A foreign online article that follows shooting in Prague follows AO and mentions her in their story as Seb’s GF.


October 21st,  AO posts picture of Prague with her mother

.
** Seb is still MIA and fans are still confused as to where he is and why he is suddenly so quiet.


** Rumors of that there might be covering something happening behind the scenes start to come out. Fans are worried it might be his health or something worst.


I think after this her Location changed back to Spain. 


October 24th AO posts old photoshoot photo.


October 26th 2020, Blind item #2: ”Not to be outdone by his alliterate foreign born co-star, this A/A- list actor has several women each day visit him on set. That was the same reason why he got divorced a few years back. Revealed: Anthony Mackie/Sebastian Stan“


October 27th we finally hear from Seb and it’s a picture from a bridge in Prague.


LOOPHOLE TO USA.


Ale posts that she’s jet lagged on her story with her Macbook Pro. Bait.


Silence. (I think. Someone fill me in if I missed something here.)
October 30th, Seb posts a video of an alien documentary. We later find out this is from a hotel in Mexico. Tulum.


October 31st Seb posts fans Halloween costumes of Bucky.


November


November 1st, Deuxmoi posts that he was spotted in Tulum reading a script. 


AO posts video from similar hotel room where his Alien video was. Bait.


November 7th a very suspicious influencer (who we later find out works for PR) takes a video of Seb and Ale walking on the beach in Mexico. Seb is walking about 30 feet way from her and she looks awkward following behind. Another video where she appears topless and he almost looks like he’s looking directly at the influencer’s camera.
We hear of (another?) influence who is recording them. She takes pictures of them laying in a bungalow. There is a video she records of them kissing but video is never seen by the public.


November 7th Seb posts his congrats to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. 

AO does the same on a story.
November 9th 2020, Blind Item #7: ”The foreign born alliterate A list actor who likes to often cheat on his sketchy girlfriend is being called out for yet again traveling to a foreign country for a vacation. Third or fourth one in the past few months. Besides realizing he was busted on video for not following the same rules he advocates, he is also vacationing in countries from which his girlfriend is allowed to get back into the US.“


November 9th we get the pap pics of them in Mexico and they appear very planned. Seb also appears skinny. Seb is talking on the phone, strips just his shirt as AO waits for him in water. They kiss briefly in awkward embraces, only once on lips, she gets hit by wave and he leaves her in water.


*** Around here is when Seb starts posting throwbacks and he starts looking sick 


November 12th, Seb posts a throwback to when he was on set on Endings Beginings.


November 15th he posts a throwback video for Charity on set of TFATWS with Anthony.

He makes a post for another Charity (same is bulletin prior) and he looks sick and tired. His hair is also very thin but some fans say it’s just sea water. Others are still worried about his health and think something is wrong. His left eyelid is a little swollen.


LOOPHOLE TO USA


Around this time is when AO starts posting the same sushi from around September. (possibly same.)
We make conclusion she is in LA when she then posts story with LA in background. 


November 18th she posts pictures in LA.


November 19th Seb posts a Bucky picture.


December 6th 2020, Blind Item #5: ”This foreign born alliterate A- list superhero did a video supporting a charity, Great. The thing is though, he used the opportunity to call out everyone who has called him out and said that he is great because he is taking the time to make a charity video. Probably not the video the charity had in mind. Revealed: Sebastian Stan.“


We assume he is in LA with AO. 

Rumors of them moving in together start to come up as she later continues to post pictures of a Christmas tree in a house.
Seb’s friends are in LA for thanksgiving. This is when drama with Toby happens and he changes his picture of where he posted Seb to say “throwback.”


AO continues to prove she is in LA. Bait.


November 30th/31st AO posts a picture tagging Chanel. *sorry I had to laugh at this one*
December
He does another charity which he forgets to promote this time on his IG. 


December 7th AO posts a shadow picture in LA tagging Seb. He does not approve this original photo into his tags.


December 7th Seb posts a quarantine video from his NYC apartment “Thank you for the love, thank you for the hate. Be safe.”


After fans start to speculate that he is in NYC again, on December 8th, Seb posts a Christmas tree and says “First tree in 20 years…” it’s a selfie and second picture is same tree Ale posted but cropped to find entire IG post. Background is blurred out.
AO continues to show LA house. Bait.


December 10th new pap walk admits rumors of TFATWS trailer dropping soon.


Seb is holding keys for car place that rents cars for PR purposes and there is a lot of distance between him and AO.


December 10th, Seb posts TFATWS trailer that drops and the poster later that night.
AO continues to post things about herself.


Seb continues to allow memes making fun of her and their rs to come through his tag.


She posts a video of a dog.


December 13th Seb posts a video of himself and a cat, but house looks different than LA house. He also looks very different from that pap walk, with a full beard. It is speculated his video is old but unconfirmed. 


AO posts TIFF movies and Seb does the same.


December 16th, Lily James and Seb project is announced. 


December 16th AO posts LA picture.


December 17th AO posts picture in grains yard of LA house.


December 18th AO posts another script in English and Italian.


December 18th Seb posts Charity post.
this is up to today’s date. 

If I missed anything let me know.

Mod: I haven't had the chance to read through it all, but it looks fine, doesn’t look like opinions but more fact type of thing so I'll keep it up. Thanks for taking time do that, this is crazy lol

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X10

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I loved this episode! It was so so good! I loved seeing Mark and Lexie on the beach encouraging Meredith to return. I knew Lexie was going to be back based on last week’s promo, but I literally screamed out loud twice when Mark appeared on screen! I was shocked! I like what Mark and Lexie said to Meredith about the sand not being real and that the beach was in Meredith’s head and was her happy place and that it wasn’t real. She was in control even if she didn’t feel like it. Seeing her lost loved ones comforts her in her time of need. When living people she loves come to talk to her she sees them because it’s comforting.

I have a theory about who we see and why. Since this episode establishes that the beach is in Meredith’s head and she can go back if she wants to I think DeLuca appearing on the beach and them getting closer and her watching him reunite with his mother was her brain’s interpretation of people coming into her room and telling her that DeLuca had been injured and needed surgery and that he was stable and then telling her that he wasn't and had died from his injuries.

She needed closure on a tumultuous relationship so her COVID wrecked brain gave it to her in the form of a peaceful COVID fever dream during a difficult team. She sees and hears Hayes because she’s falling for him the same way that he’s falling for her and because he’s talking about her kids who she loves. She wants to go back but she’s doesn’t know how. She sees Richard and Bailey and hears their concerns and how worried they are about her because Richard is like a father to her and Bailey is a maternal figure in her life.

She wants to go back and as George says to her if she doesn’t it will break Richard. She sees Derek because he’s the love of her life and he represents death and passing over which is a real possibility and option. His presence comforts her in a way that no one else’s can. She sees George because what he did and how he died changed her life and they never got to have that closure in life. She never got to tell him that, but in her fever dream she does. She gets that closure and gets to re-examine why she did what she did. Why she goes all out for everyone like he did.

Seeing Mark and Lexie gives her closure too. Lexie provides that joy and that sunny optimism Meredith used to hate but eventually grew to love and missed so much when she died. Mark provides laughter and gives her the matter of fact tough love that she needs to hear in her time of need. Everyone plays a part and brings us joy and closure in the process. I loved Mark’s lines about how sometimes he yells in everyone’s ears to try and get them to listen and see reason. How sometimes people listen to him and think it’s their own idea and sometimes they don’t. How Callie and Arizona’s divorce made him shout.

It made me think of all the times when Lexie and Mark and other characters probably shouted at the living characters for their stupidity. Meredith deciding to waste her time dating DeLuca? Lexie and Derek definitely yelled in her ears for that. Every stupid fight, divorce, break up, date, and bad decision the characters have made since Derek, Mark, Lexie, and George died? They’ve definitely screamed their ears off at them. We now know that George tries to shake the grief out of his mother and Mark and Lexie make a habit of yelling in the ears of their loved ones making horrible decisions. I love it!

There’s something so hilarious and reassuring about the dead who have left us yelling and shaking us from beyond the grave and us taking that as a sign or our own idea and moving forward and making better decisions. I loved seeing Meredith talk about Bailey’s birthday party with Lexie and how what he really wanted for his birthday was for all of them to laugh. That establishes that Bailey’s birthday is in March or April. Which again makes that gelato DeLuca comment from Episode 8 literally impossible because he couldn’t have brought Bailey gelato for his actual or half birthday when he and Meredith only dated for a few months and he only met her kids officially a few weeks before they broke up.

Hayes’ storyline with his sister-in-law Irene was everything! We learned more about her, got to see what her relationship with Hayes is like, and learned more about how his boys are handling everything. He got his own storyline and development. I love it! His tour of the hospital on the way to the OR was hilarious! “And that is a supply closet!” LOL! I loved how supportive Irene was of him moving on. She really wanted to meet Meredith this great General Surgeon he keeps talking about all the time to his boys to the point that she knows all about her and knows that Hayes is definitely smitten. I loved her line when Hayes told her she couldn’t meet Meredith because she was on a ventilator and she looked at him and said, “Again?”

The fact that she knows he likes her because of the way he smiles every time he talks about her to the point that the boys have picked up on it and told her? My heart! Irene really came through for us in this episode! Bless her! Hayes was so distraught this episode. I like that they really showed his process and how upset he was that Meredith was still on a vent and that Irene was sick. His pain when he talked to Jo about how he couldn’t bear to tell his boys that they had lost another person that they love whose been taking care of them was heart wrenching.

Irene is a total badass. The information we’ve gotten about her shows what a fiercely loyal and supportive person she is. Cormac and Abigail meet at the Surgical Innovation Conference in LA when Abigail is a starving artist and Cormac is early on in his medical career. His conversations with Meredith show that he’s unfamiliar with American medical terms and colloquialisms and he talks about growing up in Ireland and how every day is Pro Bono Surgery Day there. We know that after his wife died he took his boys and moved to Zurich, Switzerland where he worked for two years before moving to the U.S.A. to take the job in Seattle.

We also know that Irene was Abigail’s POA when she was sick and that prior to the pandemic she was back living in LA. All of which implies that sometime after Abigail and Cormac met she decided to move to Ireland to be with him and they got married and she gave birth to Liam and Austin while Hayes was a practising surgeon in Ireland. But that when Abigail got sick Irene gave up her life in LA to move to Ireland for several years to be her sister’s POA and support her nephews and brother-in-law.

Abigail ultimately died and following that Cormac took Liam and Austin and moved to Zurich at which point Irene moved back to LA where she was living during Season 16 when they went to visit her during the Conference Episode. When the COVID-19 Pandemic hit the U.S. Irene then insisted on moving to Seattle to care for Liam and Austin while Cormac worked at Grey Sloan. Cormac and Irene drive each other crazy and agree on nothing and her own sister called her crazy before she died and yet she picked up and moved her whole life across the Atlantic and then to a different state for them. That’s love. That’s badass. You keep doing you Irene!

The scenes with Jo and Catherine in the OR cracked me up! "Child, who throws away a kidney? Lord." Haha! I loved Jo’s reaction when Catherine brought up switching careers. At first, I was confused as to why Jo lied, but then my friend Amy who I watch with pointed out that maybe Jo doesn’t want her boss to know she’s considering switching specialties just yet. I’d honestly like to see Jo switch from General to Urology. As Catherine says there are few women in the field and there are a lot of general surgeons on this show.

Jo switching from one surgical specialty to another to find joy and challenge herself makes sense to me. Her switching from general surgery to OBGYN does not. I thought she was going to adopt that baby Luna but then she told Jackson and Link that she doesn’t want to have children now or maybe ever and their scene this episode was pretty short. I thought when she was considering switching to OBGYN that either Carina or Hayes would train her.

But they’ve moved Carina over to Station 19 so completely that her brother died on Grey’s Anatomy and we only saw her briefly at the end of Episode 8 when she attended her brother’s memorial. Prior to this episode I would have described Jo and Hayes as friends, but they were pretty adversarial this episode and at this point they seem to be two people that like each other well enough and who respect each other’s surgical skills and that’s it. So, based on this week’s episode Hayes definitely isn’t going to step up and train Jo in his specialty. They’re not close enough and he’s got enough on the go.

I loved the scene where Jo and Jackson were in bed together and Jo started talking about how scary his Mom was and he was like why are you talking about my Mom when we’re naked together? It reminded me of how April thought his Mom was the coolest and walked on water and would talk about it when they were together. Made me laugh! I love seeing Maggie innovate and find a way to help those poor patients and double the hospital’s ventilator capacity!

Seeing Richard dance it out at the news and then again when him and Owen successfully took Meredith off the vent and she began breathing on her own was glorious! Such joy! Winston’s proposal and Maggie’s acceptance of it surprised me! I like them together and want them to get their happy ending, but this feels a bit sudden likely brought on by all the stress they are experiencing.

I mean Amelia and Link have a child together and are also co-parenting Leo and Allison with Teddy and Owen and are raising a boatload of children during the pandemic and they’re not married or engaged.  It was nice that Teddy and Owen finally stopped fighting after half a season of nonsense! That was nice. I loved how Amelia stepped up and supported Teddy and told her what she needed to hear. Yeah therapy sucks sometimes. It can be uncomfortable. So are mammograms.

We still get them! You have to put in the work to get better otherwise it doesn’t happen. I like that they are showing us the process of Teddy getting better while making sure that the kids are looked after. Teddy is doing a bit better, but she’s still not well enough to be looking after Leo and Allison by herself without supervision and since Amelia is at home anyways she might as well help.

Plus, it’s probably good for Leo and Allison to play with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. They’ve only seen Owen and his Mom for two months. I liked the moment where Teddy said that Ellis looked like Amelia and that they really are sisters. She’s Meredith’s daughter, but she’s clearly picked up some of Amelia’s mannerisms because Amelia’s helping to raise her. Which does happen. Also, she’s Derek’s daughter too and since Amelia and Derek are siblings and share a resemblance it makes sense that she might also share traits with Ellis. I like that we are learning more about Bailey and Ellis this season.

Seeing the joy on everyone’s faces, including Zola’s, when Owen came in and told everyone that they took Meredith off the vent and that she was breathing on her was palpable. Such a great moment! I loved the moment where Tom was holding a rosary praying for Meredith and Owen finally stopped being a jerk for five seconds to comfort him and tell him about his own experience with survivor’s guilt after coming back from Iraq after his entire platoon was killed.

I’d like to see them explore Tom’s relationship with faith more. Something else I loved? The texts from Cristina! Loved it! Owen was like I can read her charts myself and Cristina was like I don’t care take a picture! I love that we’ve seen Cristina through text messages the last two seasons. I really miss her. Also is anyone updating Alex? I feel like they are, but I would love to see them mention or show it on screen. Same with Callie and Arizona. I felt like Hayes was the obvious choice for keeping Cristina up to date but seeing as he has a lot going on this episode my guess is that she texted him and he didn’t respond because he was too busy worrying about Irene so she texted Owen and asked for an update.

Did anyone else feel like it was hypocritical for Owen to be so mad at Teddy for still being in love with Allison and not telling him about their relationship when he’s apparently been texting Cristina about Meredith’s condition and talking to Amelia regularly this whole time? He clearly still has feelings for both of them and they are still very much alive and in communication with him and he’s mad that Teddy didn’t tell him about a dead lover? Jerk.

I loved seeing Levi step up and step into his own as a doctor. He’s no longer the bumbling fool of seasons past. He’s got his crap together and he’s going to do what needs to be done to keep his patient alive and healthy. His song about hump day cracked me up! Link was so happy to be operating this episode LOL! His comment about the poop diaper explosion was something else. Seeing Richard’s anger and frustration and seeing him explain how he was feeling to Link felt raw and really expressed how we’re all feeling like now. The fact that being low on ventilators is a real problem that hospitals have been facing ever since the pandemic started is enraging! I hate that this is real.

I hate that real hospitals with real patients have to make these kinds of calls. Health care providers are real superheroes. I could never make a decision like that. How do you decide who lives and who dies? How do you decide who needs a ventilator most and live with the consequences for you and the patient? I couldn’t do it. I love that Meredith appears to be waking up in next week’s promo. My bet is that she’s going to reunite with Derek one last time and then wake up. I’m interested to see Richard fill her in on what’s being going on and to see Amelia and Link talk about the possibility of getting married at some point. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate shirtless Link? Hot!

Until next time!

[doc-pickles]

right where you left me

It’s finally heeeere! One of the reasons I waited so long to post this fic was because my brain wasn’t working but also this accidentally went from a one shot to 8k words... Oops. Since this got so big I’m going to post it in two parts. Here is part one, so I hope y’all enjoy! (and don’t say i never did anything for y’all)

TW// Blood and Miscarriage Mention 

Jo had just left Val’s room, her situation not improving and looking like it might get worse. The news had brought her to tears, her body desperately racking with sobs as she stood outside the hospital. She knew she probably looked crazy, she felt crazy, but the day had been too much for her. 

The thing that terrified Jo about Val’s situation was that she could place herself there in an instant. Val was pregnant and scared and alone and because of that Luna might not have her mother around. Her mind drifted to the little life growing inside of her, hand flitting down the swell of her stomach as she sat on a bench and gasped for air. What if she died and her child didn’t have anyone? What if she was fighting for her life and her baby was in an incubator alone and scared? 

Logically she knew that wouldn’t happen, her friends and coworkers would make sure her baby was taken care of. And Alex… well she still needed to tell him, but she knew he’d step up and take care of their child despite what had happened between them. 

That particular thought brought another round of tears to Jo’s eyes, her heart aching at the fact that she had to call Alex and tell him that they were having a baby instead of coming up with some stupid cheesy way to tell him when he came home from work. They’d been trying, maybe not with any conscious effort but she’d gone off her birth control after coming back from treatment and he hadn’t restocked on condoms and well… If there was anything Alex and Jo were good at it was finding time to have sex. They’d even managed to find time for a quick round in the shower the morning he left.She missed him, after all the shit he’d put her through she missed him so much. She chalked it up to her hormones, but Jo would give a lot to see Alex again. 

“I’m so sorry to intrude, but are you okay? I know we’re supposed to keep our distance but you look like you could use a hug.”

Jo looked to the woman who now stood in front of her. She was bundled up in a dark pea coat and a grey woolen cap that covered her whole head except a few blonde curls that managed to sneak out. She couldn’t make out any discernible features through the woman’s pink striped face mask, but her dark brown eyes looked friendly enough. 

“I’m just having… a really shitty year,” Jo threw her hands out in exasperation, another sob coming up as the woman sat next to her on the wooden bench. “I have this patient and she’s basically dying and she has this… this beautiful little daughter in the NICU and her baby has no one else and it’s just… What if my baby ends up like that? I mean my husband already up and left me to move halfway across the country, wouldn’t me dying from COVID or something just as horrible really be the cherry on top of this disastrous year?”

The woman places a hand on Jo’s shoulder, the small amount of human interaction soothing her soul as the stranger begins to speak, “You have a good heart, I can tell. Who else would be this concerned about someone else’s baby?”

A chuckle escapes Jo as she thinks in her head that her newfound empathy is a direct result of her pregnancy hormones, “Not me usually, but impending motherhood and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life has turned me into a softie.”

“I get it, when I saw my kids for the first time my whole life changed. My heart just…,” the woman paused, then let out a laugh. “You know in the Grinch? When his heart grows three sizes? That’s what holding my babies for the first time felt like.”

Jo settles a hand onto her slightly rounded stomach, wondering if that’s the reason Alex hadn’t come home. If he’d been so overwhelmed with love for his kids that he just couldn’t leave. She’d never considered the possibility, but now that she did her own heart cracked a bit at the thought. 

 “I just… I never thought I’d be going through this alone. My husband, he’s so good with kids and he’d wanted them for so long and I was finally ready,” Jo wiped at her eyes as she stared up at the sky, willing her tears to stop just for a moment. “And then he left because he found out he already has kids with his ex. So of course that’s when I would get pregnant, right? Right when things were about to change and we were going to get everything we wanted, he left.”

There was a pause that let Jo collect herself, blinking back her tears before she really had a meltdown in front of this complete stranger. She brushed her coat off, standing and facing the woman on the bench who was staring curiously at Jo. 

“Thank you, for letting me vent. I really needed it,” Jo sighed, running a hand through her unruly hair as she straightened her face mask. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a NICU baby to go and check on.”

Jo walked back into the hospital feeling lighter than she had in weeks, the kindness of the stranger she’d met lifting her spirits as she journeyed upstairs. She would be okay, her baby would be fine, and Luna’s situation would resolve itself no matter Val’s outcome.

_

“Alex!” Standing outside Meredith’s hospital room, Alex turned at the sound of Izzie’s voice. He was grateful she’d offered to come with him to Seattle for emotional support, but he was so lost in his thoughts that he’d barely registered her presence. 

“Hey Iz, I just checked on her. They won’t let me in, but she’s doing good,” Alex let a chuckle out as he looked to Meredith’s sleeping form. “She was shocked to see me but the grin she got on her face… It was priceless.” “I think you should stay in Seattle.”

There’s a momentary silence as Alex tries to absorb what Izzie’s said to him. Why the hell would he come back here when his kids were in Kansas? Sure he loved Meredith and her kids… and Jo too, he loved her more than anything. But none of that mattered anymore, his kids were his first priority and he wouldn’t let them down. 

“I just think… maybe you should consider it,” Izzie kept speaking before he could even get a word in, her tone making him listen intently. “I love that you’re there for Eli and Alexis, but they’ll be fine only seeing you on holidays and during the summer. I just think you’re needed here, by more people than just Meredith.”

“Iz I-”

“Go up to the NICU, just trust me,” Izzie looks at him, eyes shining with unshed tears as they meet his. He notices that she doesn’t look sad, she looks relieved, happy almost as she speaks to him. “Go to the NICU and if your answer is still the same when you come back then fine. But just… I think it’s important for you to go and see what you’re missing.” 

Izzie doesn’t say anything else, settling into a visitor’s chair in the hallway and bringing out the scarf she’d been working on since they’d left Kansas. Alex knows better than to ask questions when she’s this adamant about things, instead letting his feet carry him on the all too familiar path towards the NICU. He missed it if he were honest, being chief of a huge hospital didn’t give him much time to go up and stare at the babies in their plastic incubators anymore. But the room had always been soothing to him, it’s where he’d realized that he wanted to be a Peds surgeon and for that he’d always be grateful. 

When he approaches the room he sees exactly what Izzie had been steering him towards. She’s walking out of the NICU, stripping out of the cumbersome PPE she’d had to wear inside and back down to her scrubs. Her hair tumbles out of the messy bun it’d been in but she seems unaffected as she smoothes down the creases in her navy colored scrubs. 

That’s when he notices it, the slight swell of her stomach straining against the dark fabric as she reaches up to adjust her face mask. His breathing hitches as his eyes stay glued to her abdomen. After looking at her for almost every day of the past eight years, Alex considered himself an expert on Jo’s body and he knew that the small bump was not there the last time he saw her. 

When she turns towards him finally she freezes, eyes wide as they stand across from one another. Their eyes meet for the first time in months and all Alex wants to do is surge forward and bring Jo into a tight hug. He knows he can’t, she would probably punch him in the face if he got within 3 feet of her, but he can dream, right? She’s blinking at him in confusion as if his presence genuinely doesn’t compute in her brain. 

“Alex.”

-

She’s not sure if she’s hallucinating the sight of her ex husband in front of her, but he’s standing there in that stupid black jacket looking at her as if it were for the first time. Her heart is racing, telling her to run to him and hug him tight and not let go. Her brain talks her out of it, instead carrying her forward to stand a few feet in front of him. Jo doesn’t know where her courage comes from, but she hears herself speak first. 

“What’re you doing here?”

Her tone isn’t angry or upset like she’d thought it would be, instead carrying a neutral tone to it as she takes in Alex. His eyes are scanning over her too and she knows that he’s going to catch on to the fact that something is different about her. He knew her well enough, it wouldn’t take him long. 

“I’m Mer’s healthcare proxy still, I’m gonna hang around until she’s out of the woods,” Alex’s eyes finally come up to meet her again, his fingers reaching out to grab at her hand. “Can we… Can we talk?”

Her heart wins out that time, fingers lacing with Alex’s as she nods and lets him lead her down the hallway. Jo doesn’t know what she’s going to say, doesn’t know what Alex is going to say, but the feeling of his hand pressed against hers is a relief she can’t quite explain. 

When they enter the empty on call room, Jo sits herself on one of the beds, her eyes watching her feet as she rips her face mask away. The cool air of the room gives her lungs a needed reprieve as she focuses on anything except Alex. 

“How far along are you?”

Her heart stops then, eyes darting up to Alex in panic. He’d already figured it out, already realized that she was pregnant before she even had a chance to say anything to him. Fear builds up inside her as she desperately hopes that he doesn’t think she’s been hiding from him on purpose. 

“12 weeks… I haven’t known for that long, I was avoiding it for awhile,” her fingers nervously tangle together as she wills back another round of tears. She’s not going to cry in front of him, she’s stronger than that. “I swear I was going to tell you, I just-”

“I’m not mad, take a breath Jo,” Alex was kneeling in front of her, placing his hands over her own shaking ones as he looked her over. She couldn’t meet his eyes, her own letting hot tears stream down her face no matter how hard she tried to stop them. “Hey don’t cry, I’m not mad. It’s okay, there’s no reason to cry.”

“There is though! There is because you left! You left without a second thought. You didn’t even call, couldn’t even look me in the eye and tell me,” Jo looks up then, meeting his eyes that are now displaying a sad expression. “You left Alex. Nothing changes that, not a baby or a pandemic or anything else. You left me.”

He sighs then, his head hanging low as he takes a deep breath. The all too familiar instinct in Jo wants to hold him close and run her fingers through his hair, but she keeps reminding herself that he’s the one that got them there, not her, “I know I left and I’ve regretted it every day since. I wish I could take it back and talk with you and-”

“You can’t though! You can’t take back what you did, you can’t take back leaving me for Izzie,” Jo pulls her hands out of his grasp then, running them delicately through her hair as she tries to get a grip on her emotions. “You can’t just waltz back in here and pretend a simple apology is going to fix everything because it’s not.”

There’s a thick silence then, the only sounds between the two are their heavy breathing. Jo’s mind is racing and Alex… well Jo is sure that if he didn’t feel guilty before that he definitely does now. She lets her eyes close for a moment, ignoring the tense air and the presence of her ex husband so that she can collect her thoughts. 

“I wanna be there, for you and the baby, you know,” Alex’s voice is soft and laced with trepidation as if he might say the wrong thing. “I’m… Izzie is gonna send the kids for summers so I can come back here. And I’m never gonna stop apologizing for-”

“Fine, you can help with the baby but that’s it. I can’t… I can’t do this again. I can’t trust you anymore,” she knows the words are cruel, but they’re true. The moment she opened the letter he’d written Jo had lost all trust in Alex. “You can be there for the baby, I won’t keep you away, but I don’t need you anymore. I can’t need you anymore.”

She stands and leaves then, knowing if she stays any longer she’ll say something she regrets. She’s full of anger and hurt, but more than anything she wishes she could turn around and fold herself into Alex’s arms for hours on end.

+

There’s something wrong.

As soon as she wakes up in the middle of the night, Jo knows something is wrong. She sits up and turns on the side lamp, not feeling any different but knowing deep down that something had changed. She almost rolled over and went back to sleep, but her fingers brushed against something cool on her sheets. When she looks down at her hand, her heart stops. 

Blood. 

Her fingers were bright red as she looked down at them, heart hammering loudly in her ears as she tried to make sense of what was happening. She’d been fine when she went to bed just a few hours earlier and now her sheets were covered in blood. 

“No no no, please no,” Jo’s voice was barely audible as she reached one hand out towards her phone, blindly dialing the number she knew by heart. “Please god no.”

“Jo? It’s two in the morning.”

“I know but I-”

Her voice cracks then, not able to make out any other words as she stares at the pool of blood on her white sheets. She could hear him clattering around on the other end, the sound of keys jangling and his front door opening and closing. 

“I’m coming, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

Really he's there in 10, sliding the door to the loft open and finding Jo sitting up in the same spot she had been when she’d called. As soon as she sees him across the darkened loft she really cracks, a loud sob breaking through her as Alex rushes to her side, his eyes immediately taking in the blood stained sheets. His arms are around her in seconds, pulling her into his chest as heavy sobs wracked her body. 

“Hey, deep breaths it’s okay,” Alex’s fingers are under her chin, tilting her head up and meeting her eyes. She’s terrified, her heart beating out of time, but Alex’s calm demeanor slows her breathing down and gets her to focus on him. “Go rinse off and then I’ll take you in. Okay?” 

Jo nods, trusting Alex’s words as she walks silently to the bathroom and strips out of her clothes. She climbs into the shower, letting the hot water calm her only slightly as her fingers float down to her swollen belly. At 15 weeks she’d thought she’d left her worries behind in the first trimester, but the cold reality of the real world had decided to slap her across the face tonight. As she stands under the warm spray she prays to any god that might be out there to keep the baby resting in her womb safe where they are. 

“You okay? Jo?”

Alex’s voice sounding outside the bathroom door snaps Jo out of her thoughts, her burning skin telling her she’d been in there for longer than she’d thought. She responds quickly, letting Alex know she was still alive before shutting the water off and grabbing a towel to wrap around herself. Jo realizes that she hadn’t even noticed him putting a pair of sweatpants and one of his old t-shirts in the bathroom for her. She quickly pulled the clothing on, exiting the bathroom to find Alex gathering up her bedsheets and throwing them into the laundry hamper. 

“Hey,” Alex’s tone is laced with concern and care as he steps towards her. She’s barely talked to him in the few weeks he’d been back in Seattle, but Jo can’t resist folding herself into the comfort of his arms as hot tears begin to stream down her face. “Hey it’s okay, everything is gonna be okay.”

Jo hadn’t changed her mind on what she’d told Alex when he’d found out about the baby, but as she faced the possibility that they might lose their child all she wanted was his comfort. His arms settled around her waist, one hand curling towards her stomach to let his fingers brush across the bump there. 

“Let me take you in, we’ll get you checked out and everything will be okay,” Alex’s voice is muffled as he presses his lips into her hair. Jo blindly nods, not moving from her place against Alex’s chest. “You’re gonna be okay, you’re not bleeding anymore right?”

Jo shakes her head in answer, her body curling closer to Alex’s as she thought about going in and being told her baby hadn’t made it. 

“That’s a good thing. Come on,” when Jo still makes no move to leave his embrace, Alex leans back and looks down at her, eyes scanning her face somberly. “I’ll stay with you the whole time, okay?”

Jo lets Alex lead her out of the loft and down to his car that’s parked haphazardly in the lot. The drive seems to take twice as long as usual, Jo’s hand never leaving Alex’s grip as she watches the scenery of Seattle pass by in a blur. Her free hand subconsciously wraps around her belly, hoping for the flutters she’d felt the past few days to return. 

Before she can comprehend what’s happening around her, Jo is sitting in an exam room waiting for the OB on call to see her. She doesn’t remember walking out of the car or coming into the hospital, she doesn’t remember changing into the sterile smelling hospital gown or answering whatever intake questions were asked of her. She figures Alex had taken care of that, his hand still clasped in hers as he sits in the chair next to the exam bed. 

“I’m still here, I’m not leaving,” Alex’s voice soothes her nerves, as if he can hear the exact thoughts running through her head at the moment. “I’m not leaving Jo.”

And he doesn’t. The OB comes in and performs a quick physical exam before she powers on the ultrasound machine. Jo lays back, eyes closed in a combination of fear and anxiety as she feels the probe slide around her abdomen. She doesn’t want to see the woman’s face when she tells her that her baby isn’t alive anymore. 

And then, there’s a booming sound that echoes through the room. Jo’s eyes flash open and look towards the screen, the black and white image of her uterus showing a baby that won’t stop moving around. The heartbeat booms again and it takes everything in her not to break down and cry tears of joy. 

“I told you it would be okay,” Alex’s voice is soft and filled with emotion as he squeezes her hand, his lips involuntarily pressing against her forehead. “See, they're fine. You’re both fine.”

The OB spouts off something or another but all Jo hears is that she and the baby are okay. She needs to stay off her feet for a few days but she’ll be fine. Her heart returns to normal as the woman leaves the room, hands coming up to cover her face as a fresh round of tears begin to float down her cheeks. 

“Come here, you’re okay,” Alex envelops her in his arms once more, Jo pressing herself tightly against him as she let her tears flow. They weren’t sad or scared anymore, the tears she was crying now were ones of relief and joy. “Get dressed and I'll take you home okay? I’m gonna go get you discharged.”

Quickly changing back into her clothes, Jo sat on the edge of the exam table reflecting on her night so far. The terrified feeling she’d had when she saw her blood stained sheets hadn’t gone away unless Alex was holding her in his arms, his soothing words and physical presence doing more to put her mind at ease than any of her years of experience as a doctor. Her fingers moved to her stomach as she felt a light flutter, her baby making sure she knew she wasn’t alone. 

“You ready? You’re all set to get out of here and crawl back in bed,” as soon as he had stepped back into the room, Alex laced his fingers with Jo’s and squeezed her hand reassuringly. 

“I don’t want to go home,” Jo shook her head, eyes moving to Alex’s as she took a deep breath. “I don’t want to go back to sleep in my bed. Please.”

“Okay, I won’t take you home,” Alex pulled Jo up and into his chest, one arm wrapping around her shoulders as they walked out of the ER. 

The constant comfort of Alex’s skin against hers is the only thing that keeps Jo stable as he drives away from the hospital. One hand is on the steering wheel but the other is still grasping tightly to Jo’s hand. She thinks he knows how calming his presence is, how at ease he makes her feel when everything around her is uncertain. He’d never say anything but she knew that he could read her thoughts so clearly. 

They pull up outside of an apartment complex just a few blocks from the loft. Jo realizes then that she’s never been to Alex’s apartment, she’s never had a reason to before now. She lets him lead her inside and upstairs, opening the front door of the small one bedroom apartment. There’s still boxes around the living room, some she’d even packed herself in her haste to get rid of anything that reminded her of Alex. 

His hand is on her back as she walks into his bedroom, an empty shell of a room besides the bed frame, bedside table and dresser. Jo takes in the two pictures on the nightstand, the first is of Alex sandwiched between two young children that she knows to be his kids, all three wearing matching crooked smiles. The second is an all too familiar picture frame wrapped up with a red bow. She knows if she looks on the back of it that she’ll see her own handwriting penned in gold ink, but she doesn’t dare to do this now. Instead she settles herself on the edge of the bed, watching silently as Alex kicks his shoes off into the corner of the room before gently removing her own slippers and placing them next to his. 

“You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Alex’s voice snapped Jo out of her daze, her fingers reaching back out to him as he moved away from her. She doesn’t say anything as she wraps herself in his covers, staring up at him silently and waiting for him to join her.

When he finally does climb into bed Jo waits a moment before curling her body around his, her fingers clutching his shirt tightly. It’s not until Alex’s fingers brush across her stomach that she breaks down, letting her sobs fill the air as he holds her close. She’s relieved, of course she is, but she doesn’t think she’s let her emotions properly air out. So she cries and she lets herself be vulnerable in Alex’s arms and for just a few hours, everything seems like it’s going to be okay.

[twodogsoneguy]

I went to bed around one am today. Athena woke me up again around two, vomiting. I called the vet hospital to ask them about it, and about when she’d had her last antiemetic. They said that her last shot had been Saturday (lol) after admission and that it was very normal for her to have vomited bc of how long it had been. She should’ve had another pill at three yesterday afternoon so twelve hours later it makes sense that she’d puke. Puking is a part of renal failure; I don’t know exactly why but it’s one of the things taken into consideration about when euthanasia will be the correct course of action. If the dog is vomiting frequently and cannot keep down fluids and food, quality of life has decreased enough that euthanasia is probably the correct choice, however if controlled with medications you can kinda wait.

I’m trying to wait until this weekend for her euthanasia, though I don’t know if I’ll be that lucky. My mother is having surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital until Friday. Athena has been such a blessing to her as well, and I would love for her to be able to share in her euthanasia, however both of us have agreed that Athena’s comfort and quality of life comes first and if she declines majorly before my mom can come home we will go ahead with the euth at the best possible time.

I guess I wanna take the time on this post and talk about at home euthanasia. There’s not always a service for this, though sometimes vets will travel to your home regardless of whether they participate in a service or not. At home euthanasia is more difficult during the pandemic, though my local service is still providing this option.

There are several benefits to at home euths. First, your pet will be in a place that they are already comfortable with, and you can usually pick a spot where they will be the most at peace while they pass. It saves you the trouble and heartache of traveling to a clinic and the logistics of getting your pet transported because there are no ambulances for animals. Performing it in your own home is often easier on you as well. Another benefit not often talked about is that if you have other pets in your home, they can either witness the passing or be allowed after your pet has passed to investigate the body and understand what happened. There is also often more dignity and compassion in home euthanasia, your pet will pass without having to go through an intake at a clinic or veterinary hospital and you can have them when it’s best for you, rather than on a clinics schedule or as a last minute emergency. The service that will be taking care of Athena also provides resources for grief and mourning your pet, as well as suggestions of local resources should you need them. In addition to all of these things, like with any euthanasia there are many options for your pets aftercare, from home burial to cremation and urns and mementos that memorializes your pet.

I have personal experience with at home euthanasia already; it was how we helped my parents dog over the rainbow bridge last year. She was very old, around seventeen if the estimate of the shelter was correct, and her mobility had decreased to the point where she had very low quality of life. She had a very peaceful passing in our living room, surrounded by her family and after having lots of yummy treats. Afterwards, we were able to allow both Athena and Harley time to see her and understand what had happened to the matriarch of their little pack. It was so beneficial to both of them, while we did see grief symptoms in them, they seemed to fair better in terms of anxiety and confusion and moved on in a more relaxed way. We opted for her to be cremated alone so that only her ashes would be in the container we received. We also had them do clay imprints of her paws, which are a sweet keepsake to remember her by. We opted to not get a fancy urn for her, given that at some point I hope to bury her on my own land. There’s is something to be said for being able to watch your loved one die in the comfort of your home; I’ve also done euthanasia at a hospital and while they did everything they could to make the dog comfortable and the process as easy as possible, it hurt a lot more because it was a strange environment and you could tell she was stressed because of that in addition to her condition.

With Athena I plan to do similar things as we did with my parents dog, I will have her cremated alone and get paw prints done. I also am going to try and get an ink imprint of her paw so that I can have a memorial tattoo done when time and conditions permit. Her euth will be slightly different due to covid, we will have to practice social distancing and rather than being in our living room we will have the procedure done in the backyard per health standards in our state. I think it’s fitting though, to have her pass in her favorite portion of the “house”. She has spent countless hours in the backyard, watching the birds and the squirrels and bunnies, soaking up the sun in the summer and rolling in the snow in the winter time. I’m going to try and plan for an evening time, because the light is perfect around that time this time of the year and I want it to be as nice as possible. It’s hard to talk about these things, but I think it’s important that we start to destigmatize the conversations we have around death, dying, and euthanasia in our pets because so many people don’t know about their options and how they can help their companion pass with dignity and grace.

I will try to post more updates as we go along, though I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up or if I’ll be in a place where I can put my emotions into words. I’ve come to terms with the fact that Athena is dying and that there really is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable until it’s her time. Renal dysplasia is a killing disease because the kidneys are malformed from birth, though you can’t always tell. These dogs never have good values in their lives, though they often tolerate the condition for a year or two before becoming very symptomatic. The fact that Athena is 2yr 7mo is a miracle, most renal dysplasia dogs have onset of symptoms much earlier and pass at around 18mo. I am so grateful for the time we have had together, and that I will be able to keep her comfortable up until the time becomes right to help her pass on. I going to miss her so much though.

[calzona-ga]

SPOILER ALERT: The story includes details about the season-finale episode of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy. While it wasn’t the planned ending, tonight’s Season 16 finale of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, written by Mark Driscoll and Tameson Duffy and directed by Deborah Pratt, was fitting. Indeed, this season was cut short due to the halting of production in response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

You can’t be the longest-running medical drama on television without overcoming some challenges, and Grey’s already has proved its ability to pivot when the unexpected happens. The production shutdown was is the second major curveball for the show this season after original cast member Justin Chambers’ abrupt exit. No word on whether the four unproduced episodes from Season 16 will roll over to the next season. But this episode, titled “Put on a Happy Face,” had enough to tide us over until Season 17.

Let’s start on a positive highlight. After Richard (James Pickens Jr.) experienced hallucinations as well as a very intense and very public breakdown, fans feared that they might be losing another veteran Grey/Sloane surgeon. Determined not to accept his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) and Andrew DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) worked around the clock to pinpoint the problem, with DeLuca coming through with a game-changing discovery: His dementia was a result of cobalt poisoning from a hip replacement surgery.

Not a hard fix. Dr. Link (Chris Carmack) was brought in to remove the cobalt, and it appears that Webber is on the road to recovery with his health. However, his marriage to Catherine is not out of the danger zone. Turns out the hallucinations had nothing to do with his marital discord. “Did you stand by me while I was being fired? You buy my hospital to humiliate me, or is that my mind playing tricks, too,” Webber contends before sternly kicking Catherine out of the room.

Meanwhile, DeLuca, who has been exhibiting erratic behavior and angry outbursts all season, isn’t able to bask in his incredible catch. Instead, has a breakdown of his own — signaling that it might be time to address his bipolar disorder-like symptoms, which are similar to his father’s.

DeLuca and Grey have become quite the medical duo this season but still couldn’t figure out how to make their romantic relationship work. It’s unclear where that will land next season as a new contender entered midseason — and he goes by the name of Dr. Cormac Hayes (Richard Flood). The two seem to have a connection, though it appears to be on a friendly level at this point (Hayes was a present sent to Meredith by “her person” Cristina Yang). Could this be the next Grey’s love triangle?

Elsewhere, Amelia Shepherd (Caterina Scorsone) finally had her baby! And she opted not to have an epidural because she’s an addict, and the epidural has fentanyl in it. While baby daddy Link wasn’t able to be present during the birth (he was performing the surgery on Webber), she had fellow “pregnancy club” sister Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) by her side. The two share a tender moment when Bailey hops on the bed to support Amelia as she is giving birth, calling back to the time when late George O’Malley (T. R. Knight) did the same for Bailey during her labor back in Season 2.

Alas, not everyone got a happy ending. Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd) and Teddy Altman (Kim Raver) were set to walk down the aisle, but Teddy needed her one last go-round with Tom Koracick (Greg Germann). Unbeknownst to her, she somehow recorded it and sent it to Owen, who had to endure the embarrassment of hearing it while in the OR surrounded by his colleagues. The wedding eventually is postponed, with Owen giving the excuse that he was pulled into surgery last-minute. In typical Grey’s fashion, there is never a wedding without drama.

Deadline spoke with Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff, who unpacked the final episode, hinted at what’s to come next season and revealed what storylines she wished they were able to air this season. She also weighed in on the fan reactions to Alex Karev’s controversial exit.

DEADLINE: The Season 16 ender wasn’t what was expected, but like you said in your tweet, it was very satisfying, and a fitting Grey’s ending. How do you plan on carrying over the storyline to next season, or is there a plan to carry over the storyline from the last four episodes to next season? KRISTA VERNOFF: I have not formulated that plan yet. In about four weeks, I’m going to get in a room with the writers, and we’re going to talk about all of it. I know that a lot us are having brainstorms since we have so much time at home. A lot of us are texting each other, and going, “Oh, what if we did this? What if we do that?” So I have a feeling that their stories are going to change some, from what we had planned, and that we’ll repurpose some of what we had written and use it in the early episodes of Season 17.

DEADLINE: The production shut down was the second major curveball for the show, after Justin Chambers’ exit. What were your thoughts on the reaction to his exit?VERNOFF: Well, you know, I haven’t been commenting on this much, but I just did an Instagram Live where I said that, so, I’ll say it to you too. I believe that there would’ve been at least as big an outcry if we had killed that character off-camera, and those were our choices. It was kill the character off-camera, or come up with some believable way that he gets his happily ever after, and some of the fans have posited, ‘well he could have just been off-screen in Seattle like April Kepner, but then you’ve got an actress on the show who doesn’t get to do any of the fun, sexy, playful thrill that we’re known for, then you penalize the actors who are staying on the show by limiting what you could do creatively with them. So I was really proud of that episode. I think Elisabeth Finch did an extraordinary job with a nearly impossible task.

That episode made me cry. It made me laugh. I felt really deeply. I felt satisfaction, and I will say that I have received a great many comments from fans who felt the same way, but the angry people are always the loudest ones.

I wasn’t surprised by the fan reaction, but I know it would’ve been equally angry if I had killed him — so it was like, these are your choices, and I felt really happy with what we chose.

DEADLINE: The fact that you didn’t kill the character off also leaves the door open that we might see them in the future. So is there any chance of [Justin Chambers] or Katherine Heigl, ever coming back? VERNOFF: When I left the show in Season 7, people asked me if there was any chance of me ever coming back, and I was smart enough to say, “Never say never.” Here I am, so who knows?

DEADLINE: Jo was able to accept Alex’s decision in a short amount of time and come to terms with everything. Did that have anything to do with her character’s stint in the psychiatric hospital, at the beginning of the season? VERNOFF: Yes. Jo had had such a dramatic, emotional, painful arc, the second half of Season 15. None of the writers, frankly, none of us wanted to see her go back down into a hole. One of the things about the way the character was written off is that she had a lot of time to wonder, and to fear the worst, and I have found in life that when you have a lot of time to wonder and fear the worst, then when you get an answer, even if it’s terrible news, it feels better than not knowing. And it helps you move on, more quickly.

DEADLINE: I want to just touch on Richard’s illness. Is it safe to say that he’s out of the danger zone? Also, did his illness contribute to anything that had to do with his relationship with Catherine? And what can we expect from that couple in the future?We’ll start with the illness — is he in the safe zone now that they’ve caught it early and treated it? VERNOFF: Yes, and I thought that that was one of the most amazing things about this diagnosis was that the cobalt poisoning thing is real and it really can cause all of those symptoms. It can cause dementia-like symptoms. It can cause Parkinson’s-like symptoms —  tremors, hallucinations — and the amazing thing about it is that once you diagnose it, and you get the leaky hip out of your body, you can recover, totally. That felt, just as the storyteller, an amazing thing because it let us give Jim Pickens this really rich, rich material, without us having to permanently disable his character. I think that that was an amazing ride for the fans, because the outcry of we’re showing symptoms that don’t feel like they have cures.

There’s not really a cure for Parkinson’s. There’s not a cure for Alzheimer’s. So I know everyone was in a panic, and so, we got to tell this really satisfying story, and we got to let people know that sometimes, there’s another diagnosis for those symptoms, which we found fascinating, as a group of writers who write medicine, that it’s so rare to see something this satisfying.

DEADLINE: Did the symptoms from the cobalt poisoning have anything to do with his attitude toward Catherine? What’s in store for them? Can we still hold out hope for that couple? VERNOFF: I think you can always hold out hope for any couple on Grey’s Anatomy. You never know where it’s going, and I think that the way we designed this was that the fracture, the real fracture in Catherine and Richard’s relationship predated the cobalt poisoning.

So the way we imagined it was that, with the depression, everyone thought it was related to his divorce, and it was actually a symptom of cobalt poisoning. And then the tremors were a symptom of cobalt poisoning, and then the hallucinations, so that when he forgave her, he forgave her in a hallucination. And when he was well, he remembered the actual events from his life, for which he has not yet forgiven her. The reason that I hold out most for that couple is that Catherine rediscovered her deep and profound love for Richard when she almost lost him. I think that that may enable her to apologize in the way that Richard will need to hear.

DEADLINE: Speaking of forgiveness, in true Grey’s fashion, there’s never a wedding without any drama, as we saw with Teddy and Owen. We’ve seen their relationship woes throughout the series, and this season felt like they were going to finally get it together and find each other and have their happy ending. Why haven’t they quite found that happy ending, and can Owen forgive Teddy? VERNOFF: I think that those are questions that we will have to explore in Season 17. I will say that of all the storylines that were left hanging, that is the one that I was the most disappointed about. Actually, there were two: I’m disappointed that I cannot give Teddy — we had an episode coming up where we were able to better articulate and better understand what’s prompting Teddy’s behavior, and we don’t get to air it. Who knows, maybe it’s going to change between now and when we’ll actually shoot it for Season 17, but I feel for Kim Raver. The amount of standing is high, and we’ve left her in a strange place. It’s compelling, and why? Your question is big. Why? Why would she sabotage — why, when she was finally getting her happy ending, did she sabotage it? I think it’s the super-rich area personally.

And then the other story that I was really disappointed that we couldn’t complete — and I will tell you that I haven’t told this to anyone else, but we did a story where there as a victim of human trafficking, like two episodes ago, and DeLuca we got recognized it but he was in such a mentally compromised, manic state that nobody listened to him and the girl left. We had an episode where she comes back, and I am really sad that we can’t air that episode this season because it felt important to offer that kind of hope to people who are living that experience. I may still complete that story next season.

DEADLINE: I want to touch on DeLuca, who has gone through this really rocky journey with Meredith this season. Although they haven’t really been able to figure out their personal relationship, they’ve proven to be a great medical team. What can you tease about this couple? Last season, we talked about Meredith being ready for love. What can we tease about this couple in the future? Is somebody else going to throw a wrench in everything? Somebody by the name of Hayes? VERNOFF: There is hope for Meredith and DeLuca, and I think that there is hope for Meredith and Hayes. I will be fascinated to see how that storytelling emerges in season 17 because this story played in a way that I didn’t picture. You know, you write a thing, and then the actors play it, and then it gets all put together, and then you know what the story is. You don’t know how it’s going to play when you write it. It’s been amazing for me to watch this story this season. I feel like Giacomo has been so compelling, and DeLuca has risen so much, and simultaneously, Hayes has been really compelling and feels very much like Meredith’s equal. At this point, I’, not even sure which couple I’m rooting for, and that’s always an exciting thing.

DEADLINE: Yeah. We love our love triangles on Grey’s. VERNOFF: Yeah. Yeah.

DEADLINE: One couple might have found their happy ending, it seems, is Amelia and Link. The birth of the baby was such a nice ending to a season full of ups and downs. Was that one thing you were excited about? To see Amelia who had her complications with her first pregnancy, and this one turned out fine. VERNOFF: Yeah. I love that story and I am so grateful that … we got to air it this season. It would’ve been really a bummer if we hadn’t made it there, this season. So, that was just luck and I’m grateful that it was in that episode. I love that scene where Bailey gets in the bed with Amelia, and we call back to when George got in the bed with Bailey and it’s just so beautiful. It was pitched by Meg Mooney, who’s been with the show for 15 years. It made me cry when she pitched it, and it makes me cry every time I watch it. I, like everyone else, at this point really am loving Link and Amelia, and I was so happy. That ending for them felt so hard won this season.

DEADLINE: Is the next season being envisioned as the final season since it’s the second of the two-year pickup, or are you guys having conversations about potentially more seasons? VERNOFF: You know, what I always say to this question, is my answer again today, and that is: I will not start planning the end of Grey’s Anatomy until Shonda [Rhimes] and Ellen and ABC all sit down together, tell me that this really the end this time. The truth is those conversations might be being had if we weren’t dealing with a global pandemic, but everyone’s gone home, and I suspect we’ll start talking about that in a month, or two.

DEADLINE: Speaking of this global pandemic, obviously Grey’s is known for taking things that are happening in the world, and incorporating it into the series. Are there any plans to reflect on this current pandemic on the show for next season? VERNOFF: I haven’t had a minute yet to sit with the writers and talk about it. So, we’re all at home, and we’re on hiatus, but in about four weeks, we’ll gather, and we’ll talk about it. I have a hard time imagining that we don’t have to acknowledge this massive thing that we’ve all gone through, in our fictional world, too, but I have no idea how. I don’t know what it’s going to look like.

DEADLINE: Station 19 — we still have more episodes coming with that series. Are we going to see any of the Grey’s characters in the final couple of episodes? VERNOFF: Yes. Happily, yes, you are. The Grey’s characters are all over the last two episodes of Station 19. So, that is a really nice treat for the fans, too. Many of our Grey’s characters are in Episodes 15 or 16 on Station 19.

[whyilikerainbows]

Big week! Got excellent news at my ultrasound yesterday from my oncologist: “Your ultrasound showed improvement as we were expecting - great news! One of the two breast masses is no longer seen; the other breast mass reduced in size from 16mm x 15mm to 13mm x 7mm. The right axillary lymph nodes are smaller as well. This is a great response to treatment so we will continue as planned.” The radiology tech said “good thing they put in markers” in all 3 of those places because otherwise they wouldn’t be able to find anything!! And “dramatic night and day difference” (whereas last very stressful ultrasound she said an eerie nothing).

IT’S WORKING!!!! I want that final small spot gone too!!! 🤨I had icky nerve-racking PTSD type feelings the night before the ultrasound and my breast hurt, a phantom pain perhaps. The nurse coordinator who was somewhat condescending/shaming to me back when this all happened in February had written to confirm my appointment, and seeing her name made me feel immediately awful. Luckily I haven’t had to interact with her since then, and I suppose I need to ask not to if possible for the future.

After I shared this with my family tonight my cousin Sean told me I am officially whooping cancer’s ass! 👊🏽 I am grateful for the way he sums things up in ways that don’t always occur to me. :)

Started new chemo #5, Taxol this morning with no negative reactions. My hands and feet were on ice the whole time to hopefully help reduce peripheral neuropathy. The plan is to be on this for 3 months assuming all continues to go well. My red blood cell count was very low, so I had my first blood transfusion of two bags of blood. I was super tired this past week and now I know why! Rick thought it was because I was slacking, LOL 😜. Tired is not like me! Shout out to my two nurses Lisa and Greta for staying late to give it to me (on national nurse’s day!). I had a private room and got to watch the Kelly Clarkson show and Ellen - with no TV for 10 years, this was a treat! 😄 Turns out most of my birth family and I are the rarest AB- blood type. My sweet tennis friend and fellow BC survivor Melissa spent all day driving me to and from the hospital for treatment, lunch, and then back once they found blood for me. I am sporting this new hip and perfectly fitting mask made by another sweet tennis friend Lisa in honor of our rising stars team that I captained last year. Both of these women made the experience so much easier and fun for me and I’m so grateful for this community of wonderful humans. I’m also sporting this vibrant scarf handmade by 14 year old Eliana to keep me warm during chemo. All my favorite colors, and so cozy! My wrist is emanating strength adorned with these stunning bracelets from Adrienne and Donna! 💝

My nurses were proud to share that they have had ZERO patient cases of COVID in this Oakland oncology unit. This week will be managing a few new side effects, including diarrhea which I really have to watch. I’ve lost 13 pounds over the two months on chemo, which isn’t bad but don’t want to lose much more. With chemo, prognosis is worse if you gain weight during treatment, so while I don’t want that, I do want to maintain. I think once I can get my muscle mass back up I’ll be in good shape! Because of all the steroids taken along with Taxol many women gain weight. I took 10 steroids between last night and today and yes, I am indeed ravenous! Hopefully once I get through a couple treatments the Taxol will be easier on my system than the last kind the past eight weeks. Home in pjs ready for a good slumber ☺️😴

[orbemnews]

Pandemic babies: New Midstate parents miss traditions, face changing guidelines during pregnancies Ontario has now joined 3 other provinces in prioritizing COVID-19 vaccinations for pregnant women. There were moments when being pregnant during the ongoing coronavirus pandemic was just plain awkward. Lockdown orders were issued about a month after Jessica Poe found out she and her husband, Justin, were expecting. The Lower Frankford Township couple saw few people outside of immediate family and close friends, and Jessica was only visible from the chest up in Zoom meetings with committees and co-workers, which presented a dilemma. Do you randomly announce at a meeting that you’re pregnant? Do you mention it in an email? “It’s something that naturally speaks for itself when you’re in person,” she said. The pandemic disrupted the common experiences of pregnancy. Baby showers were canceled or held virtually. Spouses weren’t allowed to attend doctor’s appointments. Changing guidelines added an air of uncertainty to an already anxious time. And some moms-to-be felt so alone. Christian Perry II, son of Nakia and Christian Perry, will celebrate his first birthday June 1. Submitted photo Changing guidelines “Everything just feels like a blur. This past year went so fast and so slow at the same time,” Nakia Perry said. Nakia and her husband, Christian, found they were expecting in early October 2019. The early, less frequent visits to the doctor proceeded as normal for the Lancaster couple. The lockdown began, though, as the frequency of the visits picked up. Christian could no longer allowed to go along, and Nakia could not use FaceTime for him to be there virtually or record video to watch later. By that time, Christian said he had been at the big appointments where parents hear the baby’s heartbeat and find out the gender. “It was the smaller, more frequent appointments that I wasn’t able to be part of,” he said. Jessica and Justin, too, had a mixed bag on doctor’s visits. “There were two or three that I was in the parking lot, waiting,” he said. “It was another half-hour of suspense.” Timing could mean the world during a pandemic pregnancy. For Jessica, the in-depth ultrasound normally scheduled at 20 weeks had to be delayed by two weeks. In that two weeks, the guidelines changed. At 20 weeks, Justin would not have been allowed to attend. At 22 weeks, he could. “I can’t imagine being in that one alone,” Jessica said. What the Poes experienced wasn’t unusual. Dr. Chavone Momon-Nelson, a Carlisle obstetrician and gynecologist, said that early in the pandemic only the patient could enter the office for visits. “At times that provided not a little bit of stress, but that was a lot of stress for patients,” she said. As the COVID case numbers dropped going into the summer, the office allowed one support person to enter the office for appointments, but that changed again when the fall surge of cases hit. At any given moment, the best Momon-Nelson could do was tell a patient what the guidelines were for both office visits and for delivery at the hospital at that time and warn them that the guidelines could change on a dime. “Most patients understood that,” she said. “Sometimes the significant others could not be at the appointments and sometimes they could be at the appointments.” The office incorporated telemedicine into the practice as part of their “creative scheduling” to reduce the number of people in the office, Momon-Nelson said. “That’s part of taking the lemons from COVID and making lemonade,” she said. “Telemedicine was something that was being used within health care, but with COVID-19 and this pandemic, it really pushed the envelope of how we could use telemedicine to our advantage.” The advent of telemedicine marked a difference between the first and second pregnancies for Carlisle’s Hilary Masland Comeau. In July, Hilary and her husband, Jared, found out they were expecting their second child and she immediately called the doctor to schedule her first appointment. With their first son, Walden who is now 2, that visit was in the office at around seven or eight weeks. This time, there was a Zoom call at eight weeks and an in-person visit at 10 weeks that seemed to Hilary to be longer than she remembered from the first pregnancy. “It was almost like a double appointment since they didn’t see me earlier on,” she said. From the start, Hilary went solo to the appointments. She said that might have been harder for some, but she expected to have some of them on her own anyway since her husband is a teacher. The hard ones were the “big appointments” like the 20-week ultrasound. “That one was more of a lonely appointment. Otherwise, it didn’t impact me too much,” she said. Henry Poe, son of Jessica and Justin Poe, was born only weeks before the fall surge that saw COVID-19 cases reach their highest levels during the pandemic. Tammie Gitt Missing traditions Being pregnant during COVID meant no special maternity photo shoots and no baby showers unless it was done virtually. Even the classes that are offered to soon-to-be parents were affected by the pandemic. The Perrys signed up for everything, including classes on CPR, breast feeding and labor procedure. The classes were replaced with links to information. “We were expecting to be able to bond with other young parents. As you can imagine, we were very nervous and this class was to put us at ease and provide the information that we were looking for, and it all got canceled,” Nakia said. Classes were also canceled for the Poes, but they were given a Zoom option. “It was nice that they adapted and offered that to us. Definitely different,” Jessica said. “I’m sure it would have been a different experience if we could have gone in person.” The couples were also cautious about their own exposure to COVID during pregnancy. When shopping for baby items, Jessica read reviews and ordered online rather than evaluating items in a store. Nakia said she and Christian basically went into isolation out of concerns that a bout with COVID would affect her lung capacity and, by extension, not give the baby the oxygen he needed. “We didn’t do all of the things that we thought would happen in our first normal pregnancy,” she said. “COVID was so new and everyone didn’t know how it was spreading at first. We just didn’t want to risk my health or the baby’s health because of it.” Hilary missed the human interactions from being pregnant in the workplace, like quick talks over coffee when people would acknowledge the baby bump. “I felt like I was kind of hiding in my house with the second,” she said. Hilary Masland Comeau, her husband, Jared, and son Walden welcomed Hugo in March. Submitted Support Local Journalism Your membership makes our reporting possible. featured_button_text Arrivals The ebbs and flows of the waves of the pandemic meant families couldn’t be sure what the rules at the hospital might be when the big day came. “What rules were in place in February might be different in March or April,” said Hilary, who was due in April. “It was hard to say what exactly I would be faced with.” Christian and Nakia welcomed their son, Christian, on June 1. At the time, the state began lifting lockdowns, but restrictions were still in place at Lancaster General Hospital. Nakia went through the first two and a half hours of labor by herself while the hospital ran tests, including a COVID test. “That’s not how I imagined the beginning of my delivery experience,” Nakia said. For Christian, the waiting was the hardest part. As a first-time dad, he said, your mind is racing anyway. You’re anxious and you don’t know exactly what’s going on — and you have to sit in the parking lot. “You’re driving as fast as you can to get to the hospital and then, once you get there, it’s a waiting game,” he said. “With everything that’s going on right now and I had to sit in my car and wait to be able to go in.” Once Christian came into the hospital, he had to stay until their son and Nakia were discharged. If he left, he would not have been allowed to return. The restrictions also prevented Nakia and Christian’s mothers from being in the hospital. Both women had multiple children, and Nakia hoped to have them in the room to watch for the warning signs of the complications that affect Black women during pregnancy. “I think I would have felt more at ease if our mothers who went through this were there,” she said. She wasn’t alone. Momon-Nelson also saw Black patients who were concerned that their support system would not be able to be at the hospital. Black women experience complications at a rate significantly higher than that of their white counterparts, including risk of death, postpartum hemorrhage, preeclampsia and preterm birth, Momon-Nelson said. “When we acknowledge that there is an issue, we acknowledge that Black women die from pregnancy-related complications three to four times that of white women. We look at Black women as a potential complication in itself,” she said. Michele Breneman, a NICU nurse at UPMC Harrisburg, said they did see some cases in which a baby was born to a mother who was positive for COVID. Protocols were set up to transport the newborn to the NICU through a closed system to prevent exposure to the rest of the hospital. In those cases, the mother was not allowed to see the baby for 10 days if she was not showing symptoms. If she was symptomatic, that time was extended to 20 days. In one case, the mother was in the ICU with a severe case of COVID, resulting in an emergency C-section. Doctors, respiratory therapists, NICU staff and other medical personnel came together to know exactly what they had to do to protect the child. “We really had to think outside the box to make sure we had the best care and safe care for the baby in that situation,” Breneman said. Parents of babies in the NICU were allowed to visit their children at anytime, provided they were not positive for COVID, she said. After her son, Hugo, was born on March 28, Hilary couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. She wanted to introduce Hugo to his big brother and she missed the visits from family members that had broken up the day when she was in the hospital with her first son. Hilary and Jared asked to leave early, and were permitted to do so. “We rushed our time in the hospital because we didn’t have visitors. It made us feel like we were ready to leave early,” she said. Though visitors were allowed to drop off gifts for Nakia and Christian, they were not allowed to enter. “That was the biggest thing, just not being able to share that moment and have the visitors come that usually would have come,” Christian said. Jessica and Justin, however, welcomed the time alone with their newborn. “I didn’t think that was a negative thing,” Justin said. “We were able to have privacy and give full attention to the doctors and everything.” Momon-Nelson said it’s possible that the new normal in a post-COVID world will continue to limit visitors. “Having a whole bunch of people in and out of the hospital. Is that necessarily the best thing? Is that necessarily the best thing for Mom, baby and even Dad as they’re trying to really bond with their new baby?” she said. Jessica and Justin Poe pose with their son, Henry, who was born in October 2020. Submitted Looking ahead The new parents proceeded with caution after taking their newborns home. For Christian and Nakia that meant making sure his grandparents were masked when they came to visit. Jessica and Justin made sure to bundle up their son to take him outside for visits with family. Both families kept to themselves at a time when they might otherwise have been celebrating their new arrivals. Jessica saw the time as a bit of a break for a new mom. “The first month you’re just so overwhelmed with everything anyway so you’re not even thinking about going out,” she said. “It’s kind of nice that you don’t even have the pressure to do anything.” That isolation, though, has not been a positive for some new moms. Momon-Nelson has been concerned about rising issues with mental health among expectant and new mothers, especially post-partum. Quarantines and social distancing meant that the mothers or grandmothers who would have been there to help and provide support in those exhausting days could not be there. “A lot of patients were feeling a lot of stress and anxiety because with COVID it was the unknown,” she said. “With COVID, it wasn’t really sure who was going to be available to come to the hospital and who could be there and who could not be there.” Noting that vaccines are the “passport” to opening up, Momon-Nelson said the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology says women who are pregnant and breastfeeding are safe to get the COVID vaccine regardless of whether it’s the Moderna, Pfizer or Johnson & Johnson vaccine. A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine included preliminary information from the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines showing there were no neonatal deaths as a result of the vaccinations. “Overall, these vaccines are safe in pregnancy. I wouldn’t necessarily say recommended, but they are safe,” she said. She said she spends time at every visit talking to her patients and answering their questions about the vaccine, and supporting their decision either way. “I want them to make a decision for their health based off of facts and not based off of fear or some conspiracy,” she said. Hilary, who was vaccinated while pregnant, is hoping Hugo is developing the antibodies first through the vaccine itself and now through breastfeeding. Other than that, she doesn’t hold any additional concerns for her second child in regards to the pandemic. “I’m probably concerned the same amount I was with my first child in that I want people just to be smart and wash their hands and follow those simple rules,” she said. With vaccinations on the rise and cases of COVID-19 declining, the families are venturing out. They’ve been going to parks, taking walks and slowly, cautiously introducing their little ones to the world. As with everything for these pandemic babies, timing is the difference-maker. Jessica and Justin are hoping the pandemic continues to subside through the summer to give them a chance at a first birthday party for Henry. Christian and Nakia were hoping for the same with Christian, but with only a few weeks until the big day, they don’t think it will happen this year. “In my mind, I thought that COVID would not have lasted this long. I’m sure a lot of people thought that,” she said. Nakia and Christian Perry sit with their son, Christian, who was born during the COVID-19 pandemic. submitted Email Tammie at tgitt@cumberlink.com. Follow her on Twitter @TammieGitt. Sign up now to get the most recent coronavirus headlines and other important local and national news sent to your email inbox daily. Source link Orbem News #anatomy #Babies #changing #chavonemomon-nelson #coronavirus #Covid #Doctor #Face #full-longform #Guidelines #Health #health-care #hilarymaslandcomeau #hospital #immunology #jessicapoe #Justin #local-places #medical #Medicine #Midstate #nakiaperry #Pandemic #parents #Patient #personnel #physiology #pregnancies #Traditions

[wineanddinosaur]

Morals Over Margins: A Blueprint for a More Equitable Hospitality Industry

The spring and summer of 2020 brought a reckoning for many Americans, with a global pandemic causing mass unemployment and the murder of George Floyd spurring protesters across the country to decry police violence against Black lives. For the restaurant industry, these events brought every failure and uncomfortable truth to the forefront — and exploited and jobless workers suddenly had plenty of time for such conversations.

Social media was flooded with infographics about the racist origins of tipping and the inequities that have kept the hospitality machine running in America since its birth at the blurry end of legalized slavery in this country. Capitalism itself was under a lens, the unfair concentration of power and profit magnified with every report of another billionaire doubling or tripling wealth. Replacing this economic and political system is a long shot, but anti-capitalist practices have existed in bars and restaurants for years now. So what does this look like, and why should everyone care?

Fair Wages

Capitalism is an economic system wherein the means of production of goods and services is privately owned rather than state-owned, with those private owners reaping the sole benefit of profits. That leaves the “means of production” — bartenders straining your Margarita and line cooks preparing your al dente pasta — in the hospitality industry exposed to exploitation thanks to notoriously slim margins for success. And since the hospitality industry, like most in this country, was built on the backs of Black people, it should be surprising to no one that the mistreatment of BIPOC, immigrant, and undocumented workers remains prevalent, despite their significant majority as employees in restaurants today.

One of the most basic ways an establishment can ensure the safety of its staff is by providing stable pay. Sadly, tipped workers who serve guests in bars and restaurants often make a subminimum wage, which is legal in all but seven states. Organizations like One Fair Wage seek to end this subminimum wage, but so have business owners.

In 2015, the practice of paying restaurant staff a higher but un-tipped wage cropped up noticeably. Prominent chefs like Alice Waters at Chez Panisse in Berkeley, Calif., began including service fees in guests’ checks in order to facilitate the change, while now-closed Bar Agricole in San Francisco raised its prices 20 percent to do the same. Chef Amanda Cohen was an early advocate for abolishing tipping in New York City when she adopted the practice at her Lower East Side location of Dirt Candy.

A Level Field

One of the most prominent supporters of the movement was Union Square Hospitality Group’s Danny Meyer, who announced back in 2015 that USHG would gradually end tipping and raise menu prices at all of its restaurants. Citing pay disparities between back- and front-of-house employees, which often fuels an unspoken feud between the two, the move to eliminate tipping at such a large and influential restaurant group convinced others to follow suit. This past summer, Meyer reversed the company’s “Hospitality Included” policy, meaning that servers at Gramercy Tavern and Union Square Cafe (to name just a couple) are once again working for tips.

Where Meyer posited that staff should benefit from guests wanting to tip generously in the wake of an economic crisis, Stephanie Watanabe, co-founder of Brooklyn wine bar Coast and Valley, found the opposite to be true. “We instituted a universal living wage, which was super important for us,” she says. “I think we did that in the summer after realizing that folks were not tipping.”

With tips plummeting, Watanabe and her partner Eric Hsu began to have the conversation about livable wages with their staff. “It really solidified for us when Covid hit: People before profits, period. It’s non-negotiable,” she says.

Thanks to her background in filmmaking in Hollywood, Watanabe brought outside perspectives to the argument against tipping, too. The “Most Favored Nations” clause utilized in movie contracts for smaller independent projects — paying the A-list celebrities the same amount as the supporting players — inspired her to try something similar. “We saw the dynamic between dining room and kitchen [employees], and it really bothered us,” says Watanabe of the tipped FOH/untipped BOH schism. “So for me, this was a way to level that and say, ‘No. We’re not going to pay this person less because somehow their job is deemed less valuable than the person who is able to go to get their WSET [Wine & Spirit Education Trust certification].’”

The friction between staff, coupled with the usual caveats of tipping — tipped workers experience higher rates of sexual harassment and people of color are tipped less than their white coworkers — led to a discussion with staff about experimenting with a fixed wage. “We understand the deep roots that tipping has and how ultimately, it’s incredibly, incredibly harmful and racist, and that doesn’t sit well,” Watanabe says. “Every single person, including the owner, gets paid $25 an hour.” This anti-capitalist strategy, which values humans over money, brings her staff equality and stability. It is not, however, an easy way to run a business in America.

“Every month, we’re losing money. But we’re like, ‘and?’” says Watanabe. “Then so be it, then our business can’t survive. Period. And that’s a shame, but it’s also a function of capitalism and society and these systems and structures that exist.”

With profit margins hovering around 1 percent at places like Coast and Valley right now, most investors would be hesitant to risk it all, but many of Watanabe and Hsu’s backers are friends and family who truly believe in their vision. The team recognizes the real struggle that most bars face. “There are good folks out there, and the problem isn’t [that] owners don’t want to pay their people. Some of the time, it’s that they can’t,” Watanabe says.

Even for the big players, a seemingly minimal loss in income might come with strings attached. “Who knows if they’ve got investors and people that they’re beholden to that don’t share their commitment to those things?” Watanabe says. “Then oftentimes, you don’t have a lot of control over it. And that’s where capitalism kind of just comes in and wreaks havoc.”

Nobody is saying that flouting our capitalist tendencies is painless. “To do the right thing is really, really, really hard in this world that we live in,” Watanabe says. “I think it’s like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. But for Eric and I, … we can’t violate our own integrity, and so maybe that means we’re bad business people. And at the end of the day, I’d rather be a bad business person than a bad person.”

A High Road

Andrea Borgen Abdallah, owner of Barcito & Bodega in Los Angeles, was once a general manager at Union Square Hospitality Group’s Blue Smoke in Battery Park City, Calif. “I became really interested in that model and what it hopes to achieve — especially when it came to dealing with the inequity between kitchen staff and waitstaff,” she says. Borgen Abdallah followed USHG’s lead and did away with tipping less than a year after Barcito’s September 2015 opening.

Thanks to the restaurant’s proximity to the L.A. Convention Center, Borgen Abdallah noticed business was very cyclical. “[On a] Monday, I would out-sell a Friday night, and there was no method to the madness,” she says. But eliminating tipping created stability for her employees, ensuring that shifts would be predictably fruitful on any given day. “I was also able to introduce healthcare as a result of that,” Borgen Abdallah says — no small feat, given that the Affordable Care Act only requires insurance to be offered if an establishment has a larger staff of 50 or more full-time employees.

In March of 2020, with the shutdowns brought upon by the rise of Covid in the U.S., Borgen Abdallah closed her restaurant and made two important decisions. First, Barcito would continue to pay for the health insurance of its furloughed employees. Second, it would keep jobs available for anyone lacking a solid safety net. In this way, even though the restaurant was unable to provide the same hours, it was able to keep its doors open and its vulnerable staff cared for.

Last year, Barcito was also one of the first restaurants to participate in High Road Kitchens — a group of restaurants working to provide food on a sliding scale to low-wage workers, healthcare workers, and others in need. One Fair Wage, which fights to end subminimum wages nationwide, oversees the program through RAISE (Restaurants Advancing Industry Standards in Employment). Participating High Road Restaurants like Barcito commit to advocating for fair wages and increased racial and gender equity through hiring, training, and promotional practices.

Borgen Abdallah’s dedication to the fight for better wages began while working directly for One Fair Wage in the past, even making trips to Washington, D.C., and her commitment doesn’t seem to be waning. “I think this pandemic certainly exacerbated a lot of the issues that we’ve had for a really long time,” she says. “And I think a lot of people wanted to sweep [them] under the rug and finally were forced to reconcile.” Now, with all that is known about the instability of a life reliant on tips without guaranteed access to healthcare, paid leave, and other benefits, real change could be on the horizon.

The Hope

It has been one year since the start of the pandemic, and the cry of the overworked and underinsured is once again becoming just a murmur. An increase in vaccine availability quiets much of the fear of going back to a job where contracting Covid remains a danger, but bar and restaurant workers are still far from safe. Returning to work during a national emergency can be confusing, adding new ways for management to exploit staff such as through unsafe Covid practices, unexplained pay changes, and denial of federally required paid sick leave. After so much loss and disruption, mental health is suffering, and affordable insurance is often still tied to employment. One look at the long list of resources put together by the Restaurant Workers Community Foundation, a nonprofit created by and for restaurant workers, gives some insight into just how vastly workers’ lives have been and continue to be affected.

With the passing of President Biden’s latest Covid relief package, small restaurants received access to $28.6 billion in grants, but a $15 federal minimum wage amendment failed. “I think people kind of started to talk about [issues for restaurants],” observes Watanabe, “but it was just like ‘bailout bailout bailout!’ But … that’s not going to cut it anymore.”

Last month, Barcito was able to get all of its employees vaccinated against Covid. As eligibility opens up to the rest of the public, a new normalcy feels within reach. But the sense of urgency to repair broken systems within hospitality threatens to dwindle. “I feel like it has kind of started to fall to the wayside,” Borgen Abdallah says. “The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter, and I think it’s just important that we [have] those conversations and that that continues to feel really urgent.”

Anti-capitalist methods can actually work well within our capitalist society, even beyond championing workers’ rights through ensuring stable wages, paid time off, health care, or shared ownership opportunities. American bars and restaurants will need to look at sustainability and minimizing harm not just to people, but to the environment. Ambitious bar programs that are eliminating plastics — eco-friendly paper, metal, bamboo, and even hay straws have become standard — tackling water usage, and targeting waste by focusing on the creative use of what most might toss out have a real chance to lead the way as well.

“I’m hopeful, but I also am disappointed in the industry,” says Watanabe. “I feel like we’ve had a year where we could have addressed some really deep problematic systemic problems in this industry.” Businesses must look frankly once again at where they are lacking in response to the racism, sexism, and ableism that has pervaded hospitality since its early beginnings in this country. If capitalism benefits from white supremacy, then now is the time to challenge them both. “Ultimately, it’s not just about hospitality,” Watanabe says. “This is happening all over the place, and there’s a lot of reckonings happening. It’s really about changing the way we do business to be more conscious, to be more people-centered, to be more thoughtful.”

2020 may have broken us down with its harsh realities, shuttering more than 110,000 bars and restaurants nationwide, but as long as we can keep the momentum of learning and reimagining a better future for this industry — one where it values lives over profits — there is hope. “It’s been a tough year,” says Borgen Abdallah. “I think a lot of it could have been avoided had we done things differently, and I don’t think reverting back to the old way of doing things is the answer.”

The article Morals Over Margins: A Blueprint for a More Equitable Hospitality Industry appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/anti-capitalism-hospitality/

[johnboothus]

Morals Over Margins: A Blueprint for a More Equitable Hospitality Industry

The spring and summer of 2020 brought a reckoning for many Americans, with a global pandemic causing mass unemployment and the murder of George Floyd spurring protesters across the country to decry police violence against Black lives. For the restaurant industry, these events brought every failure and uncomfortable truth to the forefront — and exploited and jobless workers suddenly had plenty of time for such conversations.

Social media was flooded with infographics about the racist origins of tipping and the inequities that have kept the hospitality machine running in America since its birth at the blurry end of legalized slavery in this country. Capitalism itself was under a lens, the unfair concentration of power and profit magnified with every report of another billionaire doubling or tripling wealth. Replacing this economic and political system is a long shot, but anti-capitalist practices have existed in bars and restaurants for years now. So what does this look like, and why should everyone care?

Fair Wages

Capitalism is an economic system wherein the means of production of goods and services is privately owned rather than state-owned, with those private owners reaping the sole benefit of profits. That leaves the “means of production” — bartenders straining your Margarita and line cooks preparing your al dente pasta — in the hospitality industry exposed to exploitation thanks to notoriously slim margins for success. And since the hospitality industry, like most in this country, was built on the backs of Black people, it should be surprising to no one that the mistreatment of BIPOC, immigrant, and undocumented workers remains prevalent, despite their significant majority as employees in restaurants today.

One of the most basic ways an establishment can ensure the safety of its staff is by providing stable pay. Sadly, tipped workers who serve guests in bars and restaurants often make a subminimum wage, which is legal in all but seven states. Organizations like One Fair Wage seek to end this subminimum wage, but so have business owners.

In 2015, the practice of paying restaurant staff a higher but un-tipped wage cropped up noticeably. Prominent chefs like Alice Waters at Chez Panisse in Berkeley, Calif., began including service fees in guests’ checks in order to facilitate the change, while now-closed Bar Agricole in San Francisco raised its prices 20 percent to do the same. Chef Amanda Cohen was an early advocate for abolishing tipping in New York City when she adopted the practice at her Lower East Side location of Dirt Candy.

A Level Field

One of the most prominent supporters of the movement was Union Square Hospitality Group’s Danny Meyer, who announced back in 2015 that USHG would gradually end tipping and raise menu prices at all of its restaurants. Citing pay disparities between back- and front-of-house employees, which often fuels an unspoken feud between the two, the move to eliminate tipping at such a large and influential restaurant group convinced others to follow suit. This past summer, Meyer reversed the company’s “Hospitality Included” policy, meaning that servers at Gramercy Tavern and Union Square Cafe (to name just a couple) are once again working for tips.

Where Meyer posited that staff should benefit from guests wanting to tip generously in the wake of an economic crisis, Stephanie Watanabe, co-founder of Brooklyn wine bar Coast and Valley, found the opposite to be true. “We instituted a universal living wage, which was super important for us,” she says. “I think we did that in the summer after realizing that folks were not tipping.”

With tips plummeting, Watanabe and her partner Eric Hsu began to have the conversation about livable wages with their staff. “It really solidified for us when Covid hit: People before profits, period. It’s non-negotiable,” she says.

Thanks to her background in filmmaking in Hollywood, Watanabe brought outside perspectives to the argument against tipping, too. The “Most Favored Nations” clause utilized in movie contracts for smaller independent projects — paying the A-list celebrities the same amount as the supporting players — inspired her to try something similar. “We saw the dynamic between dining room and kitchen [employees], and it really bothered us,” says Watanabe of the tipped FOH/untipped BOH schism. “So for me, this was a way to level that and say, ‘No. We’re not going to pay this person less because somehow their job is deemed less valuable than the person who is able to go to get their WSET [Wine & Spirit Education Trust certification].’”

The friction between staff, coupled with the usual caveats of tipping — tipped workers experience higher rates of sexual harassment and people of color are tipped less than their white coworkers — led to a discussion with staff about experimenting with a fixed wage. “We understand the deep roots that tipping has and how ultimately, it’s incredibly, incredibly harmful and racist, and that doesn’t sit well,” Watanabe says. “Every single person, including the owner, gets paid $25 an hour.” This anti-capitalist strategy, which values humans over money, brings her staff equality and stability. It is not, however, an easy way to run a business in America.

“Every month, we’re losing money. But we’re like, ‘and?’” says Watanabe. “Then so be it, then our business can’t survive. Period. And that’s a shame, but it’s also a function of capitalism and society and these systems and structures that exist.”

With profit margins hovering around 1 percent at places like Coast and Valley right now, most investors would be hesitant to risk it all, but many of Watanabe and Hsu’s backers are friends and family who truly believe in their vision. The team recognizes the real struggle that most bars face. “There are good folks out there, and the problem isn’t [that] owners don’t want to pay their people. Some of the time, it’s that they can’t,” Watanabe says.

Even for the big players, a seemingly minimal loss in income might come with strings attached. “Who knows if they’ve got investors and people that they’re beholden to that don’t share their commitment to those things?” Watanabe says. “Then oftentimes, you don’t have a lot of control over it. And that’s where capitalism kind of just comes in and wreaks havoc.”

Nobody is saying that flouting our capitalist tendencies is painless. “To do the right thing is really, really, really hard in this world that we live in,” Watanabe says. “I think it’s like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. But for Eric and I, … we can’t violate our own integrity, and so maybe that means we’re bad business people. And at the end of the day, I’d rather be a bad business person than a bad person.”

A High Road

Andrea Borgen Abdallah, owner of Barcito & Bodega in Los Angeles, was once a general manager at Union Square Hospitality Group’s Blue Smoke in Battery Park City, Calif. “I became really interested in that model and what it hopes to achieve — especially when it came to dealing with the inequity between kitchen staff and waitstaff,” she says. Borgen Abdallah followed USHG’s lead and did away with tipping less than a year after Barcito’s September 2015 opening.

Thanks to the restaurant’s proximity to the L.A. Convention Center, Borgen Abdallah noticed business was very cyclical. “[On a] Monday, I would out-sell a Friday night, and there was no method to the madness,” she says. But eliminating tipping created stability for her employees, ensuring that shifts would be predictably fruitful on any given day. “I was also able to introduce healthcare as a result of that,” Borgen Abdallah says — no small feat, given that the Affordable Care Act only requires insurance to be offered if an establishment has a larger staff of 50 or more full-time employees.

In March of 2020, with the shutdowns brought upon by the rise of Covid in the U.S., Borgen Abdallah closed her restaurant and made two important decisions. First, Barcito would continue to pay for the health insurance of its furloughed employees. Second, it would keep jobs available for anyone lacking a solid safety net. In this way, even though the restaurant was unable to provide the same hours, it was able to keep its doors open and its vulnerable staff cared for.

Last year, Barcito was also one of the first restaurants to participate in High Road Kitchens — a group of restaurants working to provide food on a sliding scale to low-wage workers, healthcare workers, and others in need. One Fair Wage, which fights to end subminimum wages nationwide, oversees the program through RAISE (Restaurants Advancing Industry Standards in Employment). Participating High Road Restaurants like Barcito commit to advocating for fair wages and increased racial and gender equity through hiring, training, and promotional practices.

Borgen Abdallah’s dedication to the fight for better wages began while working directly for One Fair Wage in the past, even making trips to Washington, D.C., and her commitment doesn’t seem to be waning. “I think this pandemic certainly exacerbated a lot of the issues that we’ve had for a really long time,” she says. “And I think a lot of people wanted to sweep [them] under the rug and finally were forced to reconcile.” Now, with all that is known about the instability of a life reliant on tips without guaranteed access to healthcare, paid leave, and other benefits, real change could be on the horizon.

The Hope

It has been one year since the start of the pandemic, and the cry of the overworked and underinsured is once again becoming just a murmur. An increase in vaccine availability quiets much of the fear of going back to a job where contracting Covid remains a danger, but bar and restaurant workers are still far from safe. Returning to work during a national emergency can be confusing, adding new ways for management to exploit staff such as through unsafe Covid practices, unexplained pay changes, and denial of federally required paid sick leave. After so much loss and disruption, mental health is suffering, and affordable insurance is often still tied to employment. One look at the long list of resources put together by the Restaurant Workers Community Foundation, a nonprofit created by and for restaurant workers, gives some insight into just how vastly workers’ lives have been and continue to be affected.

With the passing of President Biden’s latest Covid relief package, small restaurants received access to $28.6 billion in grants, but a $15 federal minimum wage amendment failed. “I think people kind of started to talk about [issues for restaurants],” observes Watanabe, “but it was just like ‘bailout bailout bailout!’ But … that’s not going to cut it anymore.”

Last month, Barcito was able to get all of its employees vaccinated against Covid. As eligibility opens up to the rest of the public, a new normalcy feels within reach. But the sense of urgency to repair broken systems within hospitality threatens to dwindle. “I feel like it has kind of started to fall to the wayside,” Borgen Abdallah says. “The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter, and I think it’s just important that we [have] those conversations and that that continues to feel really urgent.”

Anti-capitalist methods can actually work well within our capitalist society, even beyond championing workers’ rights through ensuring stable wages, paid time off, health care, or shared ownership opportunities. American bars and restaurants will need to look at sustainability and minimizing harm not just to people, but to the environment. Ambitious bar programs that are eliminating plastics — eco-friendly paper, metal, bamboo, and even hay straws have become standard — tackling water usage, and targeting waste by focusing on the creative use of what most might toss out have a real chance to lead the way as well.

“I’m hopeful, but I also am disappointed in the industry,” says Watanabe. “I feel like we’ve had a year where we could have addressed some really deep problematic systemic problems in this industry.” Businesses must look frankly once again at where they are lacking in response to the racism, sexism, and ableism that has pervaded hospitality since its early beginnings in this country. If capitalism benefits from white supremacy, then now is the time to challenge them both. “Ultimately, it’s not just about hospitality,” Watanabe says. “This is happening all over the place, and there’s a lot of reckonings happening. It’s really about changing the way we do business to be more conscious, to be more people-centered, to be more thoughtful.”

2020 may have broken us down with its harsh realities, shuttering more than 110,000 bars and restaurants nationwide, but as long as we can keep the momentum of learning and reimagining a better future for this industry — one where it values lives over profits — there is hope. “It’s been a tough year,” says Borgen Abdallah. “I think a lot of it could have been avoided had we done things differently, and I don’t think reverting back to the old way of doing things is the answer.”

The article Morals Over Margins: A Blueprint for a More Equitable Hospitality Industry appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/anti-capitalism-hospitality/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/morals-over-margins-a-blueprint-for-a-more-equitable-hospitality-industry

[hopestretchandreiki]

This week it was my pleasure to speak to another human with whom I turn to for pearls of wisdom and insight- my eldest sister- Nikki Hopes.

Nikki has had a tumultuous year to say the least, becoming a first time mother and setting up her own freelance Graphic Design company- HopesCreative, during a global pandemic.

I have wanted to speak to Nikki properly about the year that has just been for a while, and now that it is nearing the first Birthday of her and her Fiancé’s (Darren) son (my Nephew!) it felt like the perfect time.

Nikki has asked if I can keep the name of her son private, and rightly so.

It was quite difficult and emotional writing and reflecting on this conversation, but not nearly as hard as the year has been for Nikki and Darren.  

Nikki has been incredibly brave in sharing this journey and allowing me to share a very personal story with others.

We really never know the battles that people are facing internally, so this piece serves first and foremost as a reminder to always be gentle and kind to yourself and to others.

This one is also for anyone who is embarking on a new adventure- be it in business, motherhood or another personal journey. Be brave, the best is yet to come.

I hope you enjoy x

Nikki, you became a Mother in December 2019 when Covid-19 was just beginning, how has that first year been for you as a first time mum?

Our son was born in early December at 25+2 weeks and he was in hospital for 100 days. So we came home mid-March and lockdown then began on the 23rd March.

Because he came home on Oxygen, he was then classed as clinically extremely vulnerable so we had to shield him until the end of July 2020.

So it’s kind of been a tough year!

For the first four months after we came home, I basically didn’t really leave the house, other than to take him for a walk. We started trying to do a few more things come August /September/October time, and then we’ve gone in to another lockdown.

It has been hard, it’s been scary, it’s been very lonely and isolating, it’s just not what you expect first time motherhood to be. But there is no manual for how to deal with the situation, because hardly anyone has really gone through it.

It’s been sad- because a lot of my family and a lot of Darren’s family still haven’t been able to hold him, see him frequently. It definitely feels like there has been a lot that has been missed out on in his first year.

Do you feel, mentally, that this will manifest itself in some way in the future or that it already has?

I think it already has, In that I have had some really low times; I have had panic attacks.

I have quite an obsessive personality – so with all the being in hospital so often, that has manifested itself in worrying about everyone’s health. And I think there is a lot of trauma that I haven’t really worked through from the time in hospital and everything we have experienced.

Usually I am just a ‘get your head down and get on with it’ type of person - ‘keep calm and carry on.’ This has been a whole different level of trauma- I don’t know if there will ever fully be, at the moment, an end point.

I do definitely think I’m still processing it. With his first birthday coming up, that’s going to be a big point.

I think it is still a process, and because his development is still ‘behind’ (technically he kind of is) until we are fully caught up on that as well, he still feels premature. I don’t think I am at the point yet where it feels like ‘okay, that’s something I have dealt with and I’ve moved on from that.’

What do you think have been the main battles for you since you became a mum, particularly during this pandemic?

I think it’s probably the loneliness. In the first lockdown, there were no groups, no mum and baby classes- no coffee mornings, and obviously because of him being so premature, I didn’t get to do any of my Antenatal classes, which I was relying on to meet mums (because I am not from here) (oxford.)

All of that got whipped away, and also not being able to have the support of immediate family... so that had a massive impact and that was one of the biggest battles...you’re thrust into it.

Luckily they did start doing some online classes and through that I did get chatting to a few other mums, but it’s hard to try and establish a relationship with another mum and their baby when you can’t actually see each other in person.

Those classes did eventually became a lifeline.

We did Baby Massage classes, Sing and Sign and Baby College classes, which we are now going to in person.

I had 40 minutes a day where we could do things together and they helped teach us games and songs to do with him that made me feel like he was getting proper stimulation.

There is a group in Oxfordshire called Birth Baby Balance. I booked my Antenatal classes through them, but then I looked them up and they were running different classes. They started doing Friday coffee mornings over zoom, so people could join in on a Friday.

A year on do you feel like you’re much more established? Do you feel like there’s more out there now?

There is more out there- we are now doing baby college in person. We do that once a week and that’s amazing.

I have been so worried about him not having any interaction with other babies, which he does now. Seeing him look at the other babies and crawling over and stealing toys off the other babies, it is really sweet and I think he does need it, it has been massively beneficial.

Those are now classed as a support group. There was a little bit of an uproar as to the lack of support for mums to be and new mums in lockdown. Having a baby is hard at the best of times, taking away the support system for new mums caused a bit of an issue.

It is different for us now. We have also had parental support in our bubble. He gets a different experience and a place to go and new faces!

I don’t think you ever really know what you’re doing as a parent, everyone is winging it all the time, is what I have learned.

I have a WhatsApp group with everyone that was in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit. We talk all the time. It’s different with a premature baby, a lot of stuff is different, they do things at different times, you have different considerations. We are always messaging each other going ‘how many times a day does so and so....’

I have nothing to compare this journey to. I don’t know how I would feel if we had just had a journey that was ‘normal.’

How is Darren feeling at the minute, how was/ is his journey?

Darren was furloughed when we first came home. He had 5/6 weeks at home, which you can look at in two ways really- obviously it’s awful, but for him, he would never have got that time normally with his son, if it hadn’t been for that.

Most paternity is 2 weeks and you’re back at work so he had a lot of time, which he loved. He catastrophizes stuff less. Because he went back to work, he was more comfortable being out. He was doing food shops. I think he found it easier to adjust.

He is a lot more of an extrovert than me, he wants to go to the pub, go to dinner, see his friends, go and watch and play football and he can’t and he has found that really stressful. I miss doing all that stuff but not in the same way.

You are a Graphic Designer. You’ve gone freelance off the back of everything that has happened and set up your own company Hopes Creative- how are you managing it?

It is something I have always toyed with, and I don’t think I would have made the leap if it wasn’t for everything that had happened. The plan was always to go back to work in some capacity.

My work basically said I had to go back full time, so it kind of made me make that leap and make that choice. Setting everything up, I did it when he was asleep or during evenings.

I really enjoyed getting everything ready and it was really  nice to feel a real passion for what I do. it felt really good to do something that is ‘me.’

I think it is probably going to take off slower than I’d like. I have had enquiries and I’ve done a job – but everything I do (weddings, invitations etc.) it’s not going on at the moment. I need to wait for life to start up again.

I think it’s going to be a slow process, I am starting to promote it more as well. It’s something I still love doing, so it’s not been as hard as I thought.

I can’t imagine how distracting it is having to switch between all these different roles- it’s a lot of hats to wear.

It’s very easy to lose your sense of self when you do become a mum. You’re not working, which is a massive part of who you are- your social and your day to day.

You can’t exercise in the same way for quite a while.

Your entire life switches to their needs, rightly so. It’s finding that balance between who you are and the fact that you’re ‘mum.’

You’re a better person because of the extra person in your life, but it’s still okay to miss the person you were before. It takes adjusting.

What else helps you keep balanced?

I knew I still wanted to work. I recently started exercising again. It’s weird- I couldn’t get my head around finding time to do it, it’s only recently I’ve got my head back in to it- I need to try and do more stuff. Maybe I am coming out of the other side in some ways.

I went for a run, even though it felt disgusting and I hated it. I have done online HIIT workouts. I am really going to try and keep doing that.

The classes we go to, even though they’re for technically not for me, they help me keep more of a balance, being able to chat to people- it’s a dose of normality.

Some mornings it took all the energy I had it to get myself dressed for the day. There was no space in my head at all, even a 20 minute HIIT class.

It has always (exercise) been a big part of me, so trying to get some of that back is a big thing.

Have there been any aspects of motherhood that you have found easier due to the limitations of Covid

I have nothing to compare to but I’ve had time with him that maybe a lot of new mums may not have had because I didn’t have a lot of visits from friends and family.

On one hand I feel really sad we’ve missed out, but on the other, I wonder if it has benefited our bond,  because it has just been the three of us.

Maybe having been in hospital for so long, we only held him for an hour a day for the first few weeks - I wonder if it's beneficial to have him and that time to get to know each other.

Is there anything that you would say to anyone going through a similar process that you have found helpful- from someone who suffers from high anxiety

Trying to take the pressure off yourself. Am I doing the right thing? Is he stimulated enough? It is damaging.

I think that being honest, every mum needs to be more honest with how hard and how lonely and how bloody boring it can be. I love him with my bones, but you give up who you are and you’re at home with this person who can’t really respond to you.

Trying to be more honest about that and not being afraid to ask for help. That’s why my WhatsApp group is so good.

There’s a lot of pressure. To begin with, I was my own worst enemy.

You can’t know everything. Apparently, there’s a stat, as long as you meet a babies needs something like 30 percent of the time, then they’re happy.

What are your favourite things about becoming a new mum?

Watching him achieve things. For us it feels extra special, watching him figure out how to climb the stairs and how to pick things up.

He was so wanted, because he was an IVF baby, so that has been one of the best parts of it, when you bring him in to bed in the morning for a cuddle.

He is funny. He is sassy. From the first minute I saw him, he has just got this inner determination and he’s very ‘within’ himself. He’s got a real strength to him.  

What are your top goals going in to 2021

I would like to get my business off the ground and ideally I would like to get married!

I would settle for not having another lockdown.

To try and worry less. To try and not be so obsessive about bad stuff and focus more on the good stuff. There is a lot of good stuff.

He starts nursery in March! To keep him happy...And to try and run quicker.

[lifeinliminality]

BC/AD

I want to tell this story. I think it is important to tell, especially in this moment—when collectively we are straining against the changes wrought by a global pandemic.

Maybe I should start by saying that sometimes stories are something you’ve been working on in your life for years. You’ve crafted and cultivated it. Nurtured and pruned it to your liking. But this story was thrust upon me. This story began in an instant and I could do nothing but see it play out, catch up to its lightning speed pace, and hold on for dear life.

This story began on January 13, 2018 at approximately 11:30pm. It began with a sleeping child on a gurney in a hospital emergency room with his worried parents and a hesitant ER doctor.

While holding my sleeping child, I was given the worst news you could imagine: “He has blasts in his blood. When a child has these blasts it points to leukemia or lymphoma. We’ll be admitting your son tonight.” Cancer. Six letters that spell something life changing.

I remember a teacher once describing the difference between B.C. and A.D. when referring to dates in a history book. When I was a child, I used to think about it as “Before Christ” and “After Death” (meaning Christ’s death). I always thought it was such a strange and monumental way to mark time. Now, it doesn’t seem so strange. Our lives are literally divided into B.C., “Before Cancer” and A.D. “After Diagnosis.” But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For all we knew, our son was a healthy and happy almost three year old. He was a younger brother and would soon become a big brother—just two months prior to this night we had discovered we were pregnant with our third child. He liked Paw Patrol and playing soccer and other sports. An old soul from birth, our middle child both impressed and challenged my husband and I with his iron-strong will.

He had gotten a cold shortly before Christmas. But unlike before, he didn’t bounce back to his normal effervescent self. He got pale, was emotional, lost his appetite and after we spent the night of January 12th up every hour with him moaning, my husband decided to take him to the pediatric urgent care. I had to go to work that afternoon. I run a community wide children’s program in Montclair, New Jersey. My husband said he’d take both boys to the urgent care if he still wasn’t better after his afternoon nap. I met them there that evening after the event, in time to hold my son down while they fished around for a vein from which to draw blood. I hate getting blood drawn. When I was a child, I’d had to be held down because my younger brother was sick and they wanted to make sure I was okay. It traumatized me. But more than having my blood drawn, I hated having to be the one holding my child down for this. Little did I know that this would become a routine part of our existence.

While I waited with our middle son for the blood results, the other two hit up Smashburger in the strip mall next door. It was dinner time now and we were anticipating a rush once we left the urgent care to get our kids fed and ready for bed. Instead, the doctor came in and asked if there was someone local who could take care of our older son while we went to the pediatric emergency room. She was very specific: take him to [redacted for privacy]; no, you cannot go home and eat dinner with your children first. And don’t Google anything. I remember how strange that comment was—mostly because I didn’t even know what I would Google. She hadn’t told us anything about the blood results, only that we needed to go immediately to the Pediatric ER and that she’d called ahead.

We called our pastor, and his wife came over to stay with my oldest until my sister could get out to us from Long Island City.

My husband and I spent the 20-minute car ride to the emergency room trying to distract our two year old with his favorite song at the time: I’m Still Standing from the movie SING! An Elton John classic. It instantly became our mantra in the days ahead.

So there we were, the ER doctor just left the room after dropping the cancer bombshell us. I instantly started weeping, as did my husband. It was completely surreal. An orderly came in to wheel us up to the fifth floor of the hospital. We gathered our things. I was on the gurney with our still sleeping boy. It was after midnight now. January 14th. I don’t think I fully processed that leukemia was cancer until I saw the sign “Pediatric Hematology/Oncology” painted over the door we entered on the fifth floor. It was a waking nightmare.

We were 23 days in the hospital after his initial diagnosis. The first few days were a whirl of tests, surgeries and a steady rotation of doctors, nurses, and specialists. There was paperwork to sign: releasing the doctors and hospital of liability if something happened to our child when he was under sedation for a port placement, spinal tap, and chemo infusions. There was a social worker, a nutritionist, and a flurry of texts from family members and friends as we slowly put the word out.

Around day seven we got another bombshell—type 1 diabetes. Yep. We got a “two-fer.” So not only were we learning all we could about acute lymphoblastic leukemia and fielding calls, texts, and emails from family, friends, and friends of friends who knew someone with leukemia, but we were learning how to take blood glucose readings through “finger sticks,” calculate insulin to carbohydrate ratios, and give manual insulin injections to our son. Our son lost 9 pounds—which on a tiny toddler body renders a child gaunt. He started to associate finger sticks and shots with eating, so naturally, he stopped wanting to eat. They had to put an NG tube in—a tube that goes up the nose, down the back of the throat and esophagus directly into the stomach, so that we could give him Pediasure if he didn’t eat. He caught a cold somewhere around week two, which meant isolating him to his hospital room. He rarely smiled, he mostly slept and cried about taking the few oral medications he had to take daily. By the time of discharge, he could barely walk. His muscles had atrophied from being in bed for so long. Our once very active child couldn’t even climb the stairs at home or get up from a sitting position without assistance.

The day after we were discharged we were right back in the outpatient clinic at the hospital wrapping up the first of five cycles of what is called Frontline Treatment. Each cycle, outside of that first month is 60 days. But it isn’t necessarily a straight 60 days through. Continuing treatment is tied to how a child’s blood counts (red and white blood cells, platelets, and immune cells) are doing. If they are too low, they won’t continue treatment. If they are dangerously low, you’ll be spending a full day in the clinic getting a blood or platelet transfusion. Some cycles require weekly visits to clinic, some daily. Some cycles had four day hospital admittances. It was a tsunami of information and so many appointments to keep track of, along with his diabetic appointments and my OB appointments. And when we weren’t at clinic we were at home. Our son could no longer be in his daycare. We had to forego his friends’ birthday parties and play dates. It took our boy 11 months to finish Frontline Treatment.

The isolation felt overpowering at times. The parts of life we had to give up, the ways we had to change our routines to protect his fragile immune system. We were in survival mode and mostly just trying to get through each day. He hit remission in May 2018. But while he had no detectable cancer cells in his blood, it didn’t mean there weren’t any—and we would have to complete three more years of treatment.

Fast forward to March 2020. Our son has been in what is called “long-term maintenance” for a little over two years (meaning 14 months more until we are off of treatment). He’s been thriving: back at school, managing his meds well, his endocrinology team has been very happy with how we’ve managed his diabetes amidst chemotherapy and steroid treatments . . .

We’d been increasingly worried about what we were hearing in the news about a novel virus: COVID-19. We pulled our middle child out of school a couple of days before the state stepped in and mandated stay in place orders. Suddenly, the whole world was navigating a BC/AD moment: Before Coronavirus/After Disease. Everyone’s lives were instantly changed; families were having to adjust their routines for a huge unknown. Gloves and masks and disinfectant: a norm in our lives for two years now, were becoming household staples.

During our son’s frontline treatment we did not have to follow recent practices to the extreme, but since the stay in place orders, so many of our friends and family have been reaching out. “So this is what this was like.” Yes. Yes, this is a lot like what we have navigated since our son was diagnosed with leukemia. It’s hard, right?

It is hard. And the collective grief that we are all processing as a result of losing jobs, daily routines, a sense of control, and even loved ones can be overwhelming at times. But always, always amidst the darkness, there is light. There is joy and gratitude that can be cultivated and expressed. There are acts of selflessness and generosity to be witnessed and to perform. This is the “brutiful” gift of a situation like this. And really, this is an opportunity to pause and take stock of what is essential to our human existence and to a life well lived.

Nobody asked for this. Nobody wants it. But we find ourselves in the midst of it anyway. What we do and how we hold space in this time is what will matter moving forward. It will be part of our story. That is all I can offer you. In these BC/AD moments, there isn’t a simple solution or even a lot of answers. But I do know this, we will make it through. Life moving forward will not be the same. It can’t be. But we will find our new normal. My hope? That the new normal will mean that we seek and cultivate community more. That we realize we have all been helped by others and that we NEED others to make it through this life. That we have more generosity and compassion for one another because we are more aware that we’ve all been through some shit. Selah.

[livehealthynewsusa]

An American dream, of family, future and good food | Colorado Springs News

It was the place you passed, perhaps paused, on your way to another location as you marked the time at the traffic lights at S. Academy and Hancock in Colorado Springs.

A squat place with fast food bones from the 80s, on a sandwich toss from two main thoroughfares (“excellent signage and traffic!”), But only accessible by car via a winding path behind a church parking lot in a street that doesn’t have a name because technically it’s not a street.

Wasn’t it a gyro joint before?

I remember tacos. And chinese food. And burgers. (All true).

The story of 3008 S. Academy Blvd. is a global culinary crawl of startup hopes, good food and job vacancies. Then one day in early 2021 you see the building freshly painted and put on a new sign, and you ask yourself: Who would open a restaurant there, especially at a time like this?

29-year-old former firefighter Robert Felipe Velasquez is that guy. He knows he is facing an uphill battle, but he also knows what he is fighting for: family and future.

“Yes, it is a bit of a chore to get in here … but God was good to us. We keep getting loyal people who were with us when we were in the truck and still come to support us, ”he said in early March, a month after the Felipes 109 moved from a food truck to his own new brick-and-mortar base.

Failure is certainly a concern, but it’s not an option.

Robert Velasquez works in the kitchen of Felipe’s 109 with his grandmother Evelyn Tilden Friday 23 April 2021. The name of Velasquez ‘restaurant was inspired by his family and beliefs and is a combination of his grandfather’s first (and his own middle) . ) and Romans 10: 9, a Bible verse about the power of faith. (The Gazette, Christian Murdock)

Christian Murdock / The Gazette

“When all the other doors are closed and you only have one way to go, just walk through the door and believe you will make it,” he said. “You have to believe that somehow, or somehow, the American dream will come true and we just have to find out.”

Knowing where you are going is important even if you’re not sure how to get there – or what it will be like when you get there. For Robert Velasquez, the goal has always been “something entrepreneurial, something successful,” said his wife Jenna.

“He’s always been very generous, kind, really funny – and really upbeat too,” said Jenna. It was these traits that first attracted her to her future husband when the two met and became friends in church as teenagers. However, after eight years of marriage and three children, Robert’s world-class optimism has led to some tough and emotional conversations.

“He really is a dreamer. Every day he says, ‘Oh, we could do that’ or ‘That would be such a great invention or this is such a great business idea …’ He doesn’t like being told ‘No’, “Jenna said, in contrast tended to live in the moment and be overwhelmed when she thinks about what’s to come. “I think we complement each other well. My job is to support him, but to say: ‘These are great ideas, but maybe you shouldn’t do all of them.’ “

Growing up in the Springs, Robert and his sister Shanity had discussed opening a restaurant with their grandmother Evelyn Tilden, a natural cook who had attended cookery school but had to give up her calling. When he was 18, Robert and Evelyn even started a grassroots burrito business, making the wraps, and selling them to office workers at companies around the Springs.

Robert Velasquez works in the kitchen of Felipe’s 109 with his grandmother Evelyn Tilden Friday, April 21, 2021. (The Gazette, Christian Murdock)

Christian Murdock / The Gazette

The experience got his entrepreneurial juices flowing, but after graduating from high school in 2010, another burning passion topped his list.

“One of the things I heard as a kid was, ‘I let go of my dreams to raise you,'” he said. “I always knew I wanted to be a firefighter … and if I didn’t follow my dreams, what should I say to my own children?”

Meet Robert Felipe Velasquez, the owner of Filipes 109 and a versatile family man.

Robert and Jenna married in 2013 and Charlotte was born in late December. Robert had worked in construction and they had saved their money to buy a house. The following year he applied and was inducted into the City of Fountain’s eight-month Fire Academy. In October 2016, he completed his studies and went straight to EMT training. He finished this program in May 2017 when Baby Leo arrived.

All of these plans – and the world as he knew it – changed forever.

“Leo had all of these complications and was in and out of the hospital for about eight months, and three months in the summer,” said Robert, whose young son did not gain weight and had difficulty breathing. “He choked and turned blue. And we didn’t know what was going on. Nobody did. “

It would be almost two years before Leo received an official diagnosis: a rare syndrome caused by a genetic mutation that causes microcephaly and severe developmental and neurological delays. Leo also suffered a brain injury at birth that left him with cerebral palsy and visual impairment.

His and Jenna’s life now revolved around caring for a critically ill child with special needs. Dream jobs had to wait for now.

“The fire department has been great for us as (colleagues) donated sick hours to us during his hospital stay so we could keep getting paid,” said Robert. “The fire brigade was a dream for me, and it is a dream come true.”

It was a dream that didn’t last. Dealing with medical trauma at home and back at work would soon prove to be too much.

“He was having a really hard time getting back into the groove after our son,” Jenna said. “He’s always had such a big heart and is kind to everyone. He just wants to take care of everyone … “

Suddenly he couldn’t. The universe had said, “No.” Or at least “not like that”.

“How can I help someone else if I can’t even help my own child at home? That’s how I felt then. I loved firefighters, but I just couldn’t juggle both of them, ”said Robert, who was working on his 26th gap-building job after high school.

That’s what he did when planning his next move and spending as much time as possible with Jenna, Charlotte and Leo when the pandemic broke out.

“People are on leave, every week there is a conversation, ‘Are we going to close?’ Or: ‘This guy has COVID and he’s in the hospital,’ “said Robert, whose son is immunocompromised and particularly susceptible to the virus. “There were so many variables. I figured I could either be out of work next week or do something else. “

By then, however, he had already figured out what the next step would be. He and Shanity’s old plans to start a restaurant were back on the table, and the wheels were turning.

Robert applied for a loan in February 2020 but couldn’t get enough money to fund a start-up restaurant. He had “never run a food truck before, had no food truck friends” and had no idea how to promote a business on social media. They would work these details out later.

“We thought we could afford a food truck … so we looked for a used food truck,” said Robert.

At first Jenna said she was pushing back.

“I understand why he left the fire department but then jumped straight into a food truck … I thought, ‘Oh my god, this is crazy. This guy is so optimistic that I can’t even handle it, ‘”she said.

As long as there was room for hope, she knew her husband would find him. She also knew he wasn’t going to give up.

“I finally realized that this was the beginning of his dream and probably a step in the right direction,” she said. “People said he was crazy to open a food truck during a pandemic, but he said, ‘It’s the perfect timing.’ We learned a lot in less than a year. “

Among these lessons: Don’t make a hard turn in a food truck if your cabinets are unlocked.

Also, if you’re looking to buy a stick-shift food truck, make sure that if you ever want to take a day off, you’re not the only one who can drive it.

“Let’s just say the food truck business was a little more overwhelming than we thought,” Shanity said.

With a willingness to work more than 17 hours a day, perform last-minute appearances, and adhere to flexible hours, Felipe’s 109 “New Mex” offerings gained a following and a growing presence within the first few months of operation in Springs. Things were “insanely busy” but Robert looked up, said Robert.

Then came another fulcrum that had nothing to do with pandemics.

Jenna gave birth to the couple’s third child, Georgiana, on October 9, 2020. As a newborn, she showed many of the same symptoms as Leo, albeit less severe. She still has trouble swallowing and needs to be fed through a catering tube.

Robert’s search for a stationary location was a top priority.

“At this point I call Shanity and say we have to let the food truck go. I can’t drive around everywhere, find a place to go next, be up day and night, ”said Robert. “We need a place that we can call home, where at the end of the day, when everything is crazy, my family knows where to find dad. We do not give up our dream and we do not give up our family. “

After a number of potential locations and businesses failed, Robert asked someone at his Victory World Outreach church if they knew anything about the empty restaurant on the stamp corner of the huge parking lot.

Sure, other stores there hadn’t made it. But they weren’t him.

He got the number of the owner, called and explained his “situation”. The man asked about a relapse plan.

“‘There is no plan B. We will do this and this is how we will do it,'” Robert told him. “He said, ‘We can work with it.'”

Despite initial concerns about the location and its track record, Robert said he finally stopped by.

“How’s it going? Are you taking a risk or trying to find a different game plan? If you’re working on Plan B, how are you going to work on Plan A?” He said.

However, the new Plan A is much bigger than just a business model.

And the restaurant is more than just a restaurant serving taco burgers out of this world.

“Yes, we do serve food, but we are also here to serve in the community and to raise awareness and support for the community with special needs,” said Robert. “That’s where God put us there for some reason.”

A place that may not be the easiest to get to, but is well worth the trip.

source https://livehealthynews.com/an-american-dream-of-family-future-and-good-food-colorado-springs-news/