#I read a post made by my cousin about their trans kid and how she was really treated by the medical system

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I just did something embarrassing (luckily not in front of anyone I know irl) and I have to share it because I’m both laughing and cringing.

So, I was looking through some pronoun pins that were being sold and trying to find a she/they one (I didn’t end up buying it though because as much as I love pins, I couldn’t think of something that I hadn’t already covered in the things) and kept seeing she/her and he/him and I was like “why would single gender people be queer” and then I remembered trans people with one gender and was like “how tf did I forget that some women weren’t called women at birth and so they’re trans?” I literally just lumped all men and women (including trans men and women) into a single whole and forgot why they would be considered trans. 🤦‍♀️

I was so focused on looking for my she/they pin that I forgot there were people with one “normal” gender who weren’t considered “normally gendered”. It was literally the “I got so caught up in (blank, in this case, looking for non-binary types of pins) that if forgot (blank, in this case, putting people with one gender in different boxes) existed”

It wasn’t exactly forgetting that “forgot transphobia exists” but somehow just… briefly forgetting that some people with one binary gender were considered different and thus trans. Exact opposite of my otherwise constant internal monologue where I keep questioning if I can be considered “trans” when I’m demigender (I’m more comfortable being called genderqueer because I feel like I’m not stealing other people’s thunder. It’s just dumb insecurities, I know).

I very briefly lived in a world in which everyone with she/her or he/him was just instantly called what they wanted. How tf does someone forget binary transphobia and gender stereotypes getting in the way of being properly addressed?

I very briefly lived in a world where everyone with binary pronouns was instantly understood and addressed by their pronouns. I’m so fucking stupid 🤦‍♀️

🌈Anyway, happy pride from the dumbest bitch in the room rn 🏳️‍🌈

[princesscolumbia]

About that [VARIANT] HRT thing...

If you're not deep in the thick of all things trans on Tumblr then you'll have seen the [animal] HRT that was spawned by the Dragon HRT series by aveydoesthings, then I feel sorry for you.

Seriously, go give her a follow and start from the beginning. There's TONS of inspired work that came from this, you probably won't ever find them all, but trying is worth the attempt.

If Dragon HRT were possible, I'd absolutely be mainlining that shit. I've felt draconic for so long I remember, just like when I realized I was a woman, learning that according to the oriental zodiac I was a dragon and feeling like that just fit.

No wonder I was so obsessed with the Dragonriders of Pern when I was a kid.

Naturally, since we're a system, I need to be taken into account here, so dragon-lady there wouldn't go full scaley unless there was a way for me to still be me. We're already crazy tall and gaijin, being a goddamn dragon might be a step too far for me.

...I wouldn't say no to having a cat's ears and tail, and the ability to purr...oh, and the fangs and claws!

Okay, therian...

In any case, a few months ago (about 2-3 weeks before we split into a system, as a matter of fact) I read a fic on Scribble Hub called "A Date with Faet," and...well...okay, some spoilers below the link. I'm not going to cut, because I want the whole post showing up, but if you like TG TF fics that dip into the hard weird, keep reading. Otherwise, skip the next section until the AO3 link:

In this fic, the protag discovers that she's a changeling, as in non-human. They're fae, and, in fact, turn out to be a fairy princess. Now, this is actually rather common as TG/TF fics go, and at first it appeared to be fairly standard for its type...right up until it wasn't.

Turns out the protag's adoptive father was also trans and the character that could have been a Mary Sue winds up with Herculean problems; they've got plenty of power, but will it actually be able to fix anything? Will this make things better or worse? What are the consequences of their actions?

This book/series takes a hard turn into the "𝕕𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕦𝕞𝕤" when, decades after being turned into a woman who's no longer actually protag's parent, dad-turned-mom-turned-cousin is once again asking to be changed, and this time she becomes protags daughter.

This particular bit in particular has stuck in my mind ever since. It's what works for the story, it's a completely natural outgrowth of the events that happened before, and what's more it allows the author to naturally insert someone who's a system into the fic. (You would not believe the number of fics I "stumbled on to" when I was incubating as the system we are now.)

The protag and their father/mom/cousin/daughter start out perfectly ordinary humans. In fact, they are, at first, rather desperate to cling to that humanity. But over the course of the story they, step by step, wind up being almost completely non human and, in the fae princess' case, periodically wielding power enough to transform reality to her whims.

And, of course, if you know me at all, the fact that this made things as emotionally/ethically/plot-wise/morally complicated as fuck just made me love it harder.

A few months ago I started penning "Like a Cat in Heat," which was a direct response to a smutfic that had a promising description but absolutely fell down on the execution that presented the question of, "What if a person had a distinctly inhuman trait? What if it was more like an animal trait?" I said, "Okay, how about that but if it was actually good? And what if it were funny?"

It turned out to be a fun little bit of flash fiction that I hadn't, at first, intended to be more than what it was. But then one of the readers dropped a comment and coupled with the last, closing lines that were intended to be just a silly little joke wound up spinning out "Dragon's Lair," which proposed the question, "What if 'the normal character' turned out to be a monsterfucker? What if that monster was as fragile as spun glass and the human was the real monster all along with the power to crush the 'monster' if they so chose? What if making the 'wrong' choices by 'society's' standards was actually the best thing for these characters and was the (morally/ethically/narratively)Good Ending™?"

Then I finished that up with "Smokin' Hot" which said, "...fuck it, full eldritch abomination! Fuse that main character with a kami! Main characters LOVE being fused with kami!"

I even have a scene where the MC is being burned alive to nothing and must trust that she'll be reborn from the ashes...

...so imagine my surprise when I found Eldritch HRT and the artist did basically the same thing in their comic, including the cocoon analogy:

( @dawning-mars - PHENOMENAL work so far, please keep it up, this series is wonderful and I can't wait to see where you take it! ...oh, and drink some water and make sure you're getting enough sleep. Burnout is the creative's worst enemy. Don't worry, the inspiration and the zone will be waiting for you on the other side. 😉)

And all this has reminded me, from reading "Date with Faet" to my own work to Dragon HRT and Fish HRT and Mouse HRT and Eldritch HRT...all of these are about people becoming their best self when they no longer conform to "normal" "humanity."

This is not a new revelation, of course. People have been identifying this phenomenon for decades, possibly longer. When the people we now call "queer" are targeted by fascists for killing, and when "normal" people can't be bothered to lift a finger in our defense, and when the "bad" guys in movies and TV shows are queer coded so heavily some of them are actually shown as being gay and in loving relationships...well, it's not hard for us to take a look at the options (do I conform and deny my basic nature and be miserable for decades, or do I commit to the bit and live a happy, if short, life?) and choose to become the monster.

And for those who wind up on this path, it doesn't feel like we're "less" human than the "normal" people. If anything, we're retaining what it is that, to us, makes us human, our sense of self, our agency, our individuality and identity in a vast, uncaring cosmos on a burning world filled with uncaring people. And once we've embraced that part of ourselves, the parts that we're told growing up make us monstrous and evil and inhuman, we look back at the humanity we left behind and see nothing but a faceless mass of conforming nightmares that wish us death.

We may be the monsters, but they are the Borg in its most pure, TNG-era form; uncarring, unfeeling, all consuming, faceless, mindless but the hivemind, and destroys everything it touches.

We embody IDIC, in our weirdness and our multitude and our refusal to conform. Resistance isn't futile, it's mandatory.

The collective sees anything that's different and seeks to force it to conform or erase its existence.

We bronies and furries and scalies and therians and transwomen and transmen and gays and bisexuals and systems and catgirls and dogboys and catboys and doggirls and eldritch abominations are the chaos of life. When someone says, "I'm...new, there hasn't been anything like me before," we say, "WELCOME BROTHER!" ("I'm a non-gender robot, actually..." "WELCOME SIBLING!")

Do you have a place to stay? About five people in the community have couches you can crash on...oh, you're good there? Are your bills paid? "Capitalism," amirite? How about medication? Can't get you your brain pills without a scrip, but we can hook you up with DIY HRT...oh, you're not planning on medically transitioning but you want top surgery? We can find you a list of places and the right people to talk to to make it happen. How about food? Here's a food bank near you...is your job treating you okay? No job? Let's get you resources to keep you housed while you're looking. Oh, that's your first art piece? Gorgeous! Magnificent! You've got a future...GAI'S, COME LOOK AT THIS ART THE NEWBIE DID!

Who's the monster here?

tl;dr - Maybe the real humanity is the eldritch abominations we made along the way?

[catastrfy]

"suits me" by diane middlebrook

(the billy tipton biography from 1998)

been meaning to post this since november but hello body not working much. so,

a while back i saw a bunch of comments about "suits me", the biography of billy tipton, in which people were very angry at the author for disrespectful language. and it took me a minute to process that until i realised it's a time thing. eg sure, the language is outdated now. but that's because billy died in 1989, his ex approached middlebrook 2 years later in 1991 because she (kitty) wanted his story told and appreciated the care & respect middlebrook had used in another biography, middlebrook did years of research,and the book came out in 1998. the language that we, the trans community, use for ourselves is constantly evolving, & moreso (& faster!) online among younger people than in meatlife among older folx (ime, ymmv, etc)

i've been online since 1993. i first looked for trans spaces in the late 90s, but i found exactly ZERO that weren't specifically only for mtf or ftm people until about 10 years later. and even then, none of the spaces i found were comfortable; they were decidedly NOT supportive for either non-medicalised nor nonbinaried trans folx

hell, i only learned that other genderqueer folx were getting top surgery and taking hormones in the past decade or so! and i don't think i saw the word nonbinary until the last 5-10 years either.

even a decade ago, the loudest voices speaking about the trans community seemed to be binary voices who far too often spoke about & treated those of us outside that binary in very similar ways to how bi people were often treated durnig the biphobia surge during the aids crisis.

so yes, while the language IS outdated, i hope people do recognise that middlebrook reached out to four very well known and very well respected members of the trans community-- three trans men, at least 2 of whom are activists, and one person who had about as much use for binaries or being shoved into boxes as i do.

image description: text reading "To Stormé DeLarverié, Jamison Green, Jay Prosser, and Rupert Raj-Gauthier, I am grateful for views from inside the transgendered life."

(yes, "transgendered life" is also outdated. i know. i'm old!) to me this strongly suggests that middlebrook may have recognised that billy (a married man with kids who had a lifelong affectionate relationship with 2 of his cousins who knew all about his life and with whom he chose to be dorothy) might be a trans man or might have had more complex sense of self. and we'll never know, but middlebrook made space for possibilities while trying to not push one way or the other. or at least that's my read.

[not-that-blog]

My DID is out of control for the first time since I was maybe 19¿ and it's nothing like it was then; not destructive or chaotic or life destroying...

Just so switchy and scared and detatched.

And I'm in one of the queerest and happiest relationships I've ever had and I should be better at communicating and admitting to myself and my partner how much I adore them.

And I talked to my cousin tonight and we were doing 'shadow work time' and talking and he's one of the few people I'm fully honest with because him and my housemate are the two people in this world I know will never judge or hate me for my dumbassery from mental illness and trauma as long as I keep recovering long term.

Those two are heaven sent when it comes to my sobriety especially.

Anyway, we were talking and it came out of my mouth how I'm honestly still afraid of being queer and every time I date someone and have to confront it again, I realise that everything that goes wrong I mentally read as a 'punishment from god' because growing up christian that is a lot of what I got told.

So when I missed pride last weekend and couldn't see my partner because I had/have a bacterial infection that was highly contagious and is now still left me with an ear infection and post infection lung issues… I still struggle to not blame myself for it feeling like I did something wrong to make some higher power mad.

And part of converting to Judaism was the 'These things are not punishments, they're just living organisms living' approach most people give me and that for the first time in my life I had people not blaming me and my queerness as a reason my first girlfriend and her sister died.

Or why I lost my babies. And may never be able to get pregnant.

Or telling me that I was abused as a kid because I was queer and it was a punishment for being 'inherently sinful' and that I somehow deserved the abuse because I didn't grow up to be a 'perfect christian housewife.'

I struggle to tell my partner that they're as amazing as they are and how much I genuinely love and want them, or ask the questions that I need to ask for the reassurance we probably both need at this point; because I has so much religious trauma from being raised christian that at 25, nearly 26, after years away from it; it still makes me feel like maybe I'm better off dead because I am so afraid of being punished for being gay and trans.

And he is honestly so fucking incredible and kind and patient and caring and strong and stubborn and I love them dearly.

I doubt my polyamory less than I doubt my queer.

Purely because that one feels less like I'm going to be hated for it.

No one threatened my life for being polyamorous.

No one made their kid homeless for dating me because of polyamory.

No one glassed someone because they stood up for me being polyamorous.

No one told me that my babies were dead because of my polyamory.

But being bi? Being trans?

I had a panic attack when Moose just called and told his father he's bi and dating a man when we were dating. I cried for months over the fact that went well. I still cry over it.

And he'd been told how I'd had an ex's father threaten to kill me after I came out as trans bc I 'turned their son gay'.

But I don't think I've told many people how I watched my first girlfriends sister get glassed to the face when she stood in front of two 13/14yr old teenage girls and a 45+ yr old drunk man who was furious about 'having a faggot dyke of a child who should've never been born in the first place.' and was definitely going to try and kill us.

It's my partners birthday.

In like 6-7hrs we're going to brunch.

And all I can think is how I keep trying to shove down this trauma as if it doesn't constantly make saying the words 'I love you' to them absolutely terrifying because I spend every second of my days fighting my OCD that my existence is not going to hurt them and I can not push them away because I'm scared of something horrifying happening when there's no evidence of that happening.

They have a supportive and loving family.

I have cut my toxic family off and am low contact with my mother.

I am safe and living out of home and I shouldn't still be this scared.

But I still can't really imagine myself getting old and I wish I could wrap myself in their arms more often and just hold them close because even holding their hand is usually enough to stop the spiral in my head because just the reassurance they're here and real and safe is helpful. (I have hallucinations and have been literally haunted by hallucinations of my ex girlfriend's death and her sisters since honestly hours about hearing she died and how. I sometimes have this fear that everything around me is a hallucination and I'm going to lose everyone because of it despite my hallucinations having not been that level of severity since I was like 7-9¿ish and had been awake for almost a week straight from panic attacks from how much traumatic shit was happening and it was like right as my parents started talking divorce and we were getting dragged out of bed to go to my grandmothers constantly which is where I was being SA'd so like; no safe home life, no safe school life, just night-terrors.... hallucinating a whole new world because I was that sleep deprived and fucked up wasn't the worst thing to happen but as an adult it's my biggest fear because now it would be life destroying when back then it was just another bad month.)

I don't know how to unpack this trauma anymore. Or what to do.

I just want to be able to love my partner without being afraid of losing them.

I want to be able to tell them how much I love them while sober. I don't want to get drunk to feel safe enough to love someone.

I don't want to be so scared of my own feelings that I accidentally numb myself because I'm still afraid me being queer will mean I'm a danger to my partner.

I just want to love him how he deserves to be loved.

[the-meadow-of-a-fluffy-sheep]

The Meadow of a Fluffy Sheep: Entry 3

Hello and welcome back to my meadow! This week was a pretty big week for me. It was my first week of 10th grade, and also the week my mom was gone on a work trip so I was staying at a friend’s house. My friend lives super close to me and we both live super close to the high school. I stayed with him, his mom, his dad, his sister, his sister’s boyfriend, and his cousin. He was starting at a new school and his cousin had a new job, and this was the first week of school for all of us, so there were a lot of moving parts.

Wednesday was my first day of school. I got there early to see my friends. I got to see three of my freshmen friends who I hadn’t really seen in so long. I also saw one of my best friends who is in 11th grade. Soon after, we went to class. I had world studies. We talked about what we’re going to learn in the class. After world studies, I had English. I know I’ll love English because it’s being co-taught by two teachers and they have four axolotls in a tank in the back of the classroom. Next was science class. There were some people from my old ex friend group and I decided not to sit with them because I wouldn’t belong and they wanted to sit with each other, so I sat at an empty table and a bunch of boys sit down and this annoying one from my middle school goes “Let’s go we get Everett” and I’m like oof. By the second or third day I was able to move away from them though.

I was tired because I hadn’t slept great that night at my friend’s house. I ate lunch with my 11th grade friend and that was really nice. She said she wants to eat lunch with me every day as long as she can go around and say hi to her other friends and that made me super happy. I’m so lucky to have her, she is seriously so good and kind to me.

In my entrepreneurship class, we learned about divergent thinking and business opportunities. Then it was math, and then the end of the school day. I went home and then to my friend’s house a few hours later.

The second day of school was much like the first - history, English, science, entrepreneurship, and math. My science class is a biology class and we are doing a hands-on experiment with worm reproduction. Our science teacher had us write down questions we had for her or about this class and they were so ridiculous. “Does worm do worm things” “Can we play the worms music” “Is there a limit to what we can do with the worms” “Will we feed our worms eat” It was really grammatically incorrect and just funny.

We had a sophomore presentation meeting type thing and talked about support staff, the areas of the building and what they’re used for, rules and policies, bullying, vaping, bathrooms, and elevators. I’m glad that they take bullying and vaping seriously because I know a lot of high schools don’t. I saw a bunch of my friends and my friends' friends in the hallways and it was so nice to see them again.

The third day was more actual class content. I had a get together with two of my freshmen friends after school. This was something I had wanted and been looking forward to since the beginning of summer. There were supposed to be three, but one of them had an appointment. Even so, it was so wonderful to be with my friends who I had missed so so much. I read them my diary entry forum post from my first day of 9th grade and we compared experiences. We talked about school and life and supported each other and reconnected and it was just so amazing. Then we watched funny videos and laughed and laughed.

I had a pretty deep conversation with my friend’s mom. I was watching videos of trans kids and teens and their parents who were being interviewed. These were parents who supported their kids and fought for them and called them the right things. I thought of my friend and his mom and how lucky my friend is to have his parents, who are so supportive and kind and caring. It’s not just about being trans, either. It was really hard for my friend to transition to a new school where he didn’t know anyone and he was crying the night before school and his mom was helping him calm down. I wish I had that. I think his mom is amazing and I wish mine was more like her. It was eye-opening to me to get to know his family like this because I never knew a family could be like this. I had never been so close with someone else’s family and I’ve never been so welcomed and treated so well, like I belonged there. I’ve never seen parents who treated their children so well and with so much support and love and patience. I wish my mom could be like that, be able to meet my emotional needs but I know she won’t be. I’ve never had an adult be there for me like this who wasn’t paid to me. I told her all this and how much I appreciated her and how much she and her family meant to me and we talked. She told me that it hasn’t always been easy and it’s been chaotic and messy but she tries her best because she cares about her kids and how they should have a space to be happy and safe and themselves. I almost cried because it was so beautiful.

I know that there were a lot of good things, but I’m going to bridge over to some of the challenges I’ve faced this week. TW // gender dysphoria, brief grooming mention // I had an extremely dysphoric night last night and I felt physically repulsed by everything, I just felt disgusting. I was experiencing pain from my chest binder and my body was telling me to take a break but I left all my bras at my friend’s house so I walked over wearing my backpack in front and changed right away. I had also gotten my period and left my pads at his place so I had to make do. I saw the homecoming game and was reminded of this time in my life last year and somehow that made me feel even more gross, not in a dysphoric way though, but in an emotional way. Earlier that day I had seen someone in the hallway who I have complicated history with and I got a little trigger-y. There was also something that reminded me of a song that is a trigger for me so that was a bit uncomfortable but I got through it by distracting myself. I was also thinking of how my mom would be back home today and how I didn’t want her to come back. I don’t want to be around her, I don’t want to be around my brother, and no, it’s not some developmental thing where I hate my mom because I’m a teen, it’s a trauma thing. I just wish she could care. But she doesn’t, so here we are. Also people were making jokes about grooming and it’s not funny because I was actually groomed and it’s not something to joke about. I was switchy the first night of school when I was at Cam’s and I was trying so hard not to switch to Fawne (my 3-year-old alter). I was exhausted and slipping into regression and it was overwhelming and stressful. I’m also scared because the last time I had a friendship similar to what I have with one of my friends now, I accidentally ruined it with my attachment issues and I just don’t want my friend to leave me. I don’t want to be obsessive, I don’t want to be too much, I don’t want to get too attached and I’m trying so hard but what if it’s not enough?

Thank you for reading, I know it was a lot this week and your support means the whole wide world to me! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here next week.

[samanddeanloveeachothersomuch]

Opinion #19 (This is a little more of a personal post)

I want to warn everyone ahead of time that this is a little different than my other posts. This is a little more personal. Supernatural made me think more about this which is where the Supernatural part of this came from, but it is mostly more personal about me possibly being ace and aro. If you don't want to read this that is okay. I want to write this for myself more than anything as I feel good when I get to type stuff out. Since this is my own personal blog I felt this was a good place to write it and I do believe I may have one follower who is familiar with this since I have seen stuff about asexuality on their blog. Please be kind in any comments you may write. I hope everyone has a wonderful day no matter if you read this or not.

I am only 15 years old, but I believe I might be both aro and ace. I know I'm not too young to question stuff like this because other people question if they are gay, trans, etc. at the same age or even younger. My cousin has a boyfriend and she is two years younger than I am. People in my high school have boyfriends or girlfriends. I don't want one. The last time I had a crush I was in 4th grade and I'm not sure if that really counts because I was 10. The last time I had a "boyfriend" I was in second grade. Around 12 years old I told my mom I never wanted to have kids or get married. This hasn't changed since. I plan on living alone becoming a vet and taking care of tons of animals and that sounds like a perfect lifestyle to me. I never want to have a boyfriend either. I never look at a celebrity and think they are hot. Even my grandmother thinks celebrities are hot. I don't understand the appeal of sex at all. I will read a book with a sex scene in it because it is in a book I want to read like Stephen King's It for example but I will never read books solely about romance. I get so annoyed because romance is in like every book ever even if the genre is something I like. I've found a couple of teen books without it but it is really hard. Even my favorite books have it although as long as I am not hit in the face with it I'm okay. I love Percy Jackson and Harry Potter. I read the Hunger Games and Divergent when I was younger and I will probably never read those books again because of how focused on romance those books really are. I would love a Hunger Games where the book was more focused on Prim and Katniss who are sisters.

This brings me to my thing about Supernatural and how this post relates to the show. Supernatural showed me that you could have a platonic relationship be the most important thing in your life. Sam and Dean are platonic soulmates and by my understanding of the term, they are queerplatonic life partners as well since if Dean had lived they would have stayed in the bunker. That is personally how I pictured that kind of relationship but I'm still learning so correct me if I am wrong if anyone who is reading this is more knowledgeable. Every romantic relationship on Supernatural seems to end badly in one way or another and the focus is never on a romantic relationship. Never. Considering how hard it is for me to get away from romance this is extremely refreshing. Supernatural was the show that made me do research to see if I'm aro and ace and I will forever be thankful to the show for its focus on Sam and Dean as brothers.

Thank you to anyone who read this pretty long post. I know it was kinda personal and like I said at the top this was mostly so I could type my thoughts out and see them. I am still learning. If I am being disrespectful to anyone tell me and I will fix it. That is not my intention. If anyone reading this is aro or ace and can tell me if it sounds like it fits ( I'm about 85% sure it fits but I'm still learning like I said) please let me know. I would love to talk to anyone who is personally aro or ace. Thank you.

[itstheoneshot]

omg your bias is jonghyun? yayyyyyyyyyy! how many fanfics of him did you make in your life and what was the first ever fanfic of him you’d ever made?

i lost count in mine, but i think it may had passed around 75-200 if you count the drafts and deleted posts. i started writing when i was 10/11. i was always a book kid, when i was 5, i told a bedtime story to my cousin where me and jonghyun got married (and yes, i got into shinee when i was 4 at exactly 9 years before… you know what) and i used to imagine myself as a man wearing a dress and jonghyun as a man wearing a suit, but then she would always correct me and say that i should be a girl wearing a dress. i used to get so mad at her for doing that. eventually, she realised and decided that i could be a boy marrying jonghyun in a dress. then we had babies (which i knew the birds and the bees from a young age) and turned into grandpas before dying at 100 years old.

funny thing is that jonghyun helped me realise that i was transgender and i was gay from as young as 4/5 so who wouldn’t had known that he would be very LGBTQ+ friendly after many people would say that he likes girls or hates transgender people. my cousin thought my stories of me and jonghyun getting married was so cute that i should turn it into a story where i could write so at the age of 8 (shortly after i came out as transgender), i made my first ever fanfiction in 2012. “kim jonghyun is my husband.” i’m thinking about recreating it for the anniversary this year. i remember making it somewhat in november/december. perhaps i should post it on my fanniversary, but i feel like it’s now inappropriate to do. i could explain it in the description, but i’m still very not sure.

also, i hope you’re doing well and you’re taking good care of yourself! you’re a great writer and i wish i could use my potential for the best, but it has been so hard since i finally passed my english gcse exams and don’t need to take it anymore. i really love making stories, especially about jonghyun. it has been one of the best ways to deal with difficult times since it makes me feel like i’m a little horny tweenager again. hopefully you’ll make a lot of jonghyun shit so i could get motivated and if there’s any fanfics/one shots you can suggest to me, do let me know and i’ll read in the speed of light.

love youuuuuuuuu! ❤️🥰😘😍🌈🌺

Awwww this is so sweet!

SHINee debuted just after I turned 14 and that’s when I got into them, I have nooo idea how many fics I’ve written over the years either hahaha!

Jjong was such a huge inspiration for me in discovering myself as trans too, his support for our community has always meant so much to me.

I’ll have a think of any others I can recommend! But I’ve got quite a few oneshots of him that you can find in my masterlist! And he’s definitely getting one of the days of Kinktober that I’m about to start too!

[elsewhereuniversity]

About Face

“Do you have any questions about your prescriptions today, uh…m-miss?” The pharmacist’s question is laced with assumptions about who you are. It’s not great, of course, but it’s also not worth your time to fight about today.

“No, I’m good,” your smile and voice are sugary-sweet, but your eyes are daggers as you take the bag and turn back towards the door. The heat and humidity are already staggering at 8 am and you are immediately made sticky by the brief walk to your car. As you start it up, there’s a brief chime of email-receiving from your phone, but you ignore it. Then there’s another ding, this time your lab-mate, Valerie, texting you.

Hey, u almost in?                                                                                     In like 30min. had to stop by pharmacy

K. Jill was looking for u. Also ugh that paper for tomorrow, I’m not even a  birdsong person lol

Lol get over it, I had to read one of your fancy neuro papers last time. Did jill say what she needed me for?

Whatever lol. She didn’t say.

                                                                        Ughhhhhhh

Jill, Dr. Dominguez, is your advisor, and you know you need to get her some figures and sections of your thesis soon, but these damn stats…well. There’s a reason you prefer spending your time traipsing off-trail through the wilderness over sitting in front of a computer all day. Not that this part isn’t interesting and important too, but come on.

Traffic is moving at a sluggish pace, of course, so you’re lost in contemplation and dread of the analyses you need to attempt running today, and the inevitable conversation with Dr. Dominguez that will have to happen at some point. As the traffic finally begins to move, you grit your teeth. Maybe it’s time to consider actually asking for help. I have no fucking clue how to do multivariate shit…You stare ahead as you inch forward, before a frustrating, jolting stop at a red light. Your eye is drawn to a kid crossing the road, wearing a grey hoodie. They look forlorn, for some reason you can’t entirely enumerate, and you glance back at them as the light finally turns.

The sun isn’t very high yet, so there are still some odd shadows stretching across the sidewalk, but you could’ve sworn that the kid had no face.

****

You manage to put the pharmacist and your grandma and the obviously-just-a-trick-of-the-light-I-mean-how-else-could-that-be faceless kid out of your mind for the rest of the morning and actually get some results you can work with from the analyses you’d been worried about. And when Dr. Dominguez pops into lab to talk to you, she is actually impressed at both the pace and quality of work you’ve delivered thus far. In fact, you’re feeling pretty damn good about everything, despite the earlier unpleasantness, so you decide to grab some lunch and hang out with some of the other grad students and lab techs.

Lunch-special sushi in hand, you plop yourself down at one of the rundown old tables in the work room. Valerie is there, along with Raul, one of the grad students from a micro lab down the hall, and Jackson, one of the general lab techs. Everyone says hi, but you’re only vaguely following the conversation as you dig into your spicy tuna roll. Something something TA stipends being cut. Which is such bullshit, of course, but nothing new. You’re just about to jump into the discussion when you get a Facebook notification. It’s your cousin, who tagged you in a post. You stare for a good five seconds at your phone.

Just remembering the good times with my cousin before he decided to be a transsexual.

And then a picture from when you were 14, a picture you’d thought you’d deleted from every conceivable online location. A picture that highlights pretty much every single aspect of your body that made staying in the closet completely untenable. Everything just always happens at once, huh.

“Fucking asshole,” you mutter, and are surprised to feel the hot prick of tears in your eyes.

“Becca, you alright?” Valerie asks, and you belatedly realize that everyone at the table heard you and is now staring. They think you were talking about one of them, or responding to something they said.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. Just something my cousin posted. She’s—she can be such a jerk. Don’t worry about it,” you say as you hastily wipe away the tears.

“What’d she do?” Jackson asks. Valerie glares at him so fiercely that he rolls his eyes and holds up his hands, “Just, like, if you wanna talk about it.”

You sigh. You’re not precisely going stealth, but you also don’t just talk to everyone about being trans. Have you actually come out to Jackson? Valerie knows, and Raul, but you don’t think you’ve ever directly talked to Jackson about it.

“It’s—it’s fine. Just, she posted a picture of me from before I came out, and I really hate thinking about any of it.” You speak with a bit more force than you intend.

“Why is that a big deal?” Jackson asks, taking a bite of his pasta. Valerie glares at him again and Raul just shakes his head.

“It’s just…it took me a long time to figure it out, and I don’t particularly like being reminded of that. And it’s not great for dysphoria, either.” You say this distractedly as you go to the post and untag yourself.

“That’s really rough,” Raul says, frowning.

“Sorry, what’s that word?” Jackson asks with a raised eyebrow, “I guess I just don’t get it? It’s just a kid picture of you, what’s it matter?”

And that does it. You stand abruptly, “I need to get back to the lab.” You hear Valerie and Raul berating Jackson as you walk away, but you’re just so very done. You toss the empty sushi container in the trash at the corner of the hallway, near one of the windows overlooking the main walkway through campus. And you nearly trip over your own feet as you swivel to double check something down below. A gray hoodie. A child with no face looking over their shoulder as they turn a corner.

****

You don’t mean to take the wrong street. It’s already been far too long a day between all of the inanity with your extended family and Jackson. And everything you tried to run after lunch was a bust, making you feel like Dr. Dominguez’s praise earlier was completely undeserved. Given all of that, you decided to get takeout again, even though you really should be cooking, so you’re walking to pick up your order. It is early evening, the shadows having elongated to embrace nearly everything, and while debating whether it’s even worth confronting your cousin about the jab, your feet simply take you the wrong way. You don’t even notice, until you’re standing in front of an empty park that’s three blocks over from where you should be. Or, wait.

Not empty. One lone figure, sitting quietly on one of the swings, wreathed in shadow.

You’ve been walking quite quickly, but over the course of a few steps have come almost to a stop. With a shiver, you glance around the area, but no parents or adults are in sight, and the figure looks young, even from a distance. 12, maybe? Maybe the kid lives in one of the nearby houses? Probably. Should you call someone? Who? Not the cops. They’d just as soon arrest or hurt the kid as help them. It isn’t that late, leaving the kid be is probably the most prudent course of action.

But. The kid feels…familiar. Even from a hundred meters, you can see that their shoulders are hunched, their hands are tight on the chains of the swing. The gentle creaking as those chains move with the slight shifts of the kid’s body is despondent in a way that is known to you, somehow. So, against your better judgement, you leave the sidewalk and walk across the damp grass to the edge of the playground. When you step onto the sand, the kid’s head jerks up and their shoulders tense further, raising almost to their ears. You stop walking and from the new angle a streetlight throws the kid’s grey hoodie into stark relief.

“Are-are you okay?” you have to clear your throat to get the words out and your voice sounds weak and tinny in the still, silent park.

The shoulders shrug. The kid is also wearing jean cutoffs, their scuffed sneakers unlaced.

“Do you need me to call someone?”

A sharp shake of the head, and then their hands release the chains and fall into their lap.

“Don’t need anything,” the kid’s voice is low, you can barely hear what they’re saying. Gingerly, you take the last few steps to the swing set and awkwardly settle into one of the worn rubber seats. Only after you have already done this do you think to question why you are so compelled to talk to this child who—maybe? how?—has been dogging you all day.

“I said I don’t need anything,” the kid says in an emotionless voice. Their face is still completely shadowed by their hood and shaggy hair.

 “I just—look, kid, I think I’ve been where you are, and—”

The kid cuts across you, “I tried to tell them today. But I…couldn’t, I didn’t know how to, so I just ended up saying I like girly shoes and wanted some or whatever.”

Oh. So you were right. You know exactly what’s going on. In fact, you’re pretty sure you had that precise conversation, once.

“That’s tough,” you acknowledge, slowly pushing back in the swing, which creaks beneath you, “It took me a long time too.”

There’s silence. Then:

“That’s what I was worried about.”

You start and quickly glance over at the kid, who has finally turned to face you.

She doesn’t have a face, which, you suppose, really shouldn’t be a surprise. You weren’t seeing things, earlier. There’s just a smooth expanse of dark olive skin. The featureless head tilts to one side and she speaks again.

“I thought you might recognize me.” The voice is plaintive. With every word, you feel a sense of vertigo, like there is a mouth, somewhere, that is making those sounds, that it’s right in front of you, but you cannot perceive it.

You are breathing very rapidly, “I thought—how do you know me? What’s, I mean—”

“This?” the kid gestures at her face, “I don’t know, I can see but I can’t see myself, I dunno what’s going on. All I know is I was walking to the park and then I was here, or I mean, on the road this morning and saw you and I followed you and I just want to go home or just sleep or just melt away but I can’t, okay? There’s just nothing.”

Without noticing, you have sprung to your feet and are backing away from the faceless girl, the faceless girl who can’t tell her parents who she is. Who you are.

“I didn’t want to think about it,” you whisper. Why are you even responding to this? This is a hallucination, or a dream. You’re just reacting to the whole bullshit situation with your cousin and Jackson and that fucking pharmacy tech. Did you fall asleep back in the lab, is that it? You pinch yourself, but no luck, “I came out and that was what I needed. Okay? Why dwell on, on, on all of that shi—stuff that happened before?”

The girl is still sitting placidly in the swing, though her hands are once again clenched around the chains.

“I knew you were me, I guess. So I followed. I don’t think anyone else notices me either, not that that’s anything new,” The note of bitterness in her voice cuts you to the bone, “I thought maybe you—me, future me, whatever—would be able to…fix me? But nothing’s changed, has it?”

You’re backed up to the slide now, “Why are you doing this? What even are you?”

You slump against the side of slide, your knees suddenly weak, “This cannot—this is bullshit, I don’t know how you’re doing this, but—”

The faceless girl is in front of you now, hands jammed into the front pocket of her hoodie. She stands there, contemplating her future self, “I just want to understand,”

The kid, proto-Becca, or whatever or whoever she is, sure sounds like a kid desperately trying to make sense of something, and not some ghoulish nightmare creature.

“Just stop,” you say in a hoarse voice, “I just don’t want to think about it, I shouldn’t have to think about it, I just want to move forward.”

“Yeah,” proto-Becca abruptly falls to her knees, and draws them up to her chest. It takes a few seconds for you to understand the sounds that the kid is making are sobs.

You hug your own knees and contemplate getting up and running away and just forgetting about all of it: this faceless phantom of your childhood self, your relatives’ inability to accept your reality, the absurd, useless, pointless stats and analyses. You’re crying too, desperately trying to refocus on the here and now, instead of being drawn down into the rabbit hole of loneliness and regret and fear that always consumes you when you think too hard about those years in which it felt like your whole body was turning against you and you couldn’t find any satisfactory explanations for what you were feeling.

But the sounds of proto-Becca, of proto-you, sobbing into her knobbly knees bring you back to the present. Ironic, that. No matter what else, however she got here, whatever happened to her face, she’s a kid. She’s a kid. She’s. A. Kid. You were a kid.

You furiously wipe your eyes and nose and sit up, scooting a bit closer to proto-Becca.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” you say in as steady a voice as you can manage, “I was scared, and, and, and I lashed out. It’s not your fault, kid.”

She doesn’t lift her head, but the sobs are quieter.

“I mean, kid, no offense, but you don’t have a face. And somehow you’re me, right?” Okay, that came out meaner than you meant it to, “The truth is that I’ve done my best to forget pretty much everything that happened back when I was…you, I guess. But I can’t.”

She sniffles, “I’m trying to tell them, I am. But the boys at school, every time I try to talk to Mom or Dad I see those boys laughing and yelling and coming at me and I can’t, I don’t—know how I ended up here, or what to do about this or anything. I just want things to be normal.”

And, finally, you get it. Not why she’s here, or how, or what any of this means, but, at least, what to do. You’ve tried to help kids who were like you before. You’d never have told them that they needed to keep their feelings concealed, that they needed to not do anything so as to avoid reminding you of your own past. So why, then, are you doing it to yourself?

“Is it okay if I come sit next to you, maybe give you a hug?” you ask, as gently as you can.

You get a glimpse of the faceless face from behind the curtain of hair, “I—I think so?”

You get to your feet, a task far more laborious than you feel it should be, and cross to her. When you plop down by her side, she twitches, but it’s toward you. Slowly and carefully, you wrap an arm around her narrow shoulders, and hold her close. She’s still crying, and the hood has slipped from her dark curls.

“It’s okay that it’s taking time,” you say, “It’s really, really hard. I meant that. There’s…nothing out there. No one to explain to you, to, uh, us, what these feelings mean, really. I remember. I remember how much it feels like you’re just stuck in the same looped computer program. Endlessly completing the same actions with no idea why, only feeling like something isn’t right. And so scared of what happens if you do anything that breaks that loop.”

“That’s pretty much it,” she says with a note of wait, that wasn’t completely in my head???, “I don’t see how I can explain to anyone, especially Mom and Dad.”

“I think all you can do is be honest. There are some resources out there, although maybe they aren’t published yet,” you glance sideways at her, “But if you just…elucidate those feelings you’ve been sitting on, it at least opens the door to them comprehending.”

“I guess so,” she sighs, and then giggles, “But also, like, no offense, that was, like, a really freakin’ pretentious way to say that.”

You snort and ruffle her hair, “Whatever. Something for you to look forward to, then.”

She’s quiet for a bit and then, quick like a bird, she wraps her arms around you too, “So I’m gonna tell them, then?”

You shrug, “When you’re ready. Whenever that is. And I promise, you are no lesser if it takes a while. Okay?”

“But you’re still going to hate thinking about me, right? I mean, about how long it took me, you, to finally do it?” her head tilts.

You sigh, “I don’t know. It’s hard, I won’t pretend it isn’t. But I think I can at least say that it’s okay. That it’s not my, or your, fault.”

When you look up, her face appears. Smile first. Broad and full of braces, her quick and nervous brown eyes darting to your face and then back to her knees.

“You’ll be fine,” you say, giving her one last squeeze, “I’m the living proof, right?”

Her laugh lingers in the air as she fades away.

x

[barnabyleeofslytherin]

Now I know this one'll come as a shock to everyone(haha), but I don't post on this blog much anymore. And I know very well that I don't owe any of you apologies or really explanations for that manner, since, as I'm sure you're all aware, JKR isn't a very good person, and it's reasonable to assume that, many people would wanna distance themselves from her and her work after some not-so-recent thing's she's said and done.

But I would still like to simply come out and generally share the reasons why I'm not quite as active on this blog as I may once have been. I'm on mobile and I haven't slept for about 24 hours(it's around 6am), so I apologise for mistakes and formatting;

First and foremost, I, the Mod, am a gay man. I had started this blog almost as soon as Hogwarts mystery came out (some time around May of 2018 iirc, when I was graduating highschool), and back then I was maybe one of a small handful of gay men in the entire fandom. Back then, being what felt to me, like the only gay man surrounded by a sea of heterosexual and bisexual women felt very alienating to me. I had wanted to interact with people who, like me, were also gay men. I was happy to interact with people who viewed themselves to be women too, of course, but I was often made uncomfortable by these individuals due in part to them being very pushy towards me about how they wanted to date Barnaby.

Second, I'm a Trangender Man. Regardless of if JKR really actively despises my specific group in the transgender community or not, isn't up for debate. She's expressed her opinions on Trans Women, and I stand with my trans siblings(the transgender version of TERFS excluded, I believe they're called Transmeds?) Because of this, I cannot in good conscious, continue to support JRK or the Hogwarts franchise as a whole.

Third, I'm in my early 20s now. When I made this blog, I was a few months off of graduating high school, and a whopping 17 years of age. I'm going to be 21 in less than a month, and I wholeheartedly believe Barnaby and Co. to be children. Hell, they're around 16 in the game now last I'd heard, and while the legal age of consent in Alberta Canada states that 16 year olds can date up to 5 years older, I still cannot force myself to see these children as anything but children. I've lived a lot more life since I first played the game, there's such a gap of life experience between me and an 18 year old of today. These kids are barely older than my little brother. And with there being so much focus on the romantic aspect of the game(again, from what I've seen), I can't comfortably continue playing. (<- Read through it again and I wanna add on to this, I just do not find children attractive in the slightest, as I'm a normal person, who rightfully hates p*dos, and I will block anyone who claims it's okay to be romantically attracted to a child. From a survivor of childhood s*xual ab*se, it's not okay.)

Fourth, my interests and life have changed a lot since I was 17. I'm not interested in Harry Potter anymore, I'm not interested in working with animals anymore. I still love animals, but it's not a career path I want to work. I'm hoping to be a Certified Embalmer within the next year and a half. I just want to pursue adulthood, and become healthy again. I'd even started seeing a therapist before the pandemic to work though my survivors guilt and more. There's a new addition to my family coming later this July(child of my cousin), and one of my Uncles was found dead at 35 literally yesterday (June 20th 2021). I need to be here for my family, and running this blog when I was still active had become a chore.

Sometimes when I get a new notification from this blog, I'll consider deleting it, but this blog was a major part of who I was for about a year. I don't want to just delete it and act as though Harry Potter and the blog weren't major parts of my life, because they were, but they aren't anymore. I plan to leave this blog up, but not use it anymore, as I'd been doing for however many months by now. I will still follow some of my old friends who I'd met through the fandom, because I appreciate the friendship they provided me.

Thank you for bearing with the bone tired, and likely nonsensical ramblings of an almost 21 year old ex-RPer. I mean no harm nor offence to anyone with this post (except jkr) and I genuinely wish everyone still here all the best.

I will be scheduling this post to repost every 6 hours for the rest of today and tomorrow (June 21-22), sorry if it clogs your dashes, I'll tag it with "Scheduled post" for you to block.

~Mod Bennett, the only mod of this blog.

[youthofpandas]

Ooooh ask games! Okay so, Mythra from Xenoblade, Venti from Genshin, and Azura from Fire Emblem! Very curious about your thoughts on Azura honestly.

ooooo a lot of fun characters thank you!!! i put this under a read more because i maaaaay have talked way more than i thought i would lol

Sexuality Headcanon: mythra is hmm! unlabeled or pan? her and brighid have big exes energy what can i say /// venti is doing whatever hes doing, i dont think he would label himself you ask him what he is and he just says yes. he is LGBT all of it /// azura is a bicon we love her... also arospec because i love her...

Gender Headcanon: all of the blades deserve to be a lil nonbinary as a treat but the aegis characters especially. the (motions to the spoilers of their true nature) and all. so yea!! demigirl or a similar label for mythra. /// venti agender real. hes a lil wind spirit who became a bard he doesnt have a gender /// azura is hmm? a binary woman? i dont have any lean hard on her being trans or cis but transfem azura is good

A ship I have with said character: this is making me realize i dont really have almost any ships with mythra lol! i like her nia and pyra as a poly couple (like. nia is dating both of them but mythra and pyra are obviously not dating each other) sorry rex. her and brighid being exes is something that can be so personal /// venti and zhongli because i dont like shipping him with the normal aged characters <3 also theyre funny and stupid /// azura and kaden is really cute i love how she gets to relax in their support! i think i paired her with kaze on my first playthrough and also liked them. really wish she got any supports with women that werent her family but i think her and felicia wouldve been cute!

A BROTP I have with said character: mythra and pyra have such an interesting dynamic going on i wish they had more interactions with each other in the game. her and opening up to a friendship with rex is also something i really love even if (gestures to the notp section) /// venti diluc might not be bros but they DO know way too many of each others secrets by sheer accident bar tender and drunk idiot can transcend friendship actually /// azura and the hoshido siblings :(( mainly thinking of sakura here but i think post game that they all deserve to be a real family to parallel how corrin is with the nohr siblings.

A NOTP I have with said character: i hate mythra and rex romantically. it doesnt help that hes officially 15 and its impossible to see her as anywhere close to that age. even ignoring that i think they work best as good friends /// uuuh im not a huge fan of venti/barbara? she feels like a 16 year old idol to me but ill admit the god x nun thing is kind of comedy gold and if you dont see her as a kid its fine /// poor azura to be romance bait for the player only to be the playable characters cousin.... they did her so dirty with that

A random headcanon: back in torna era mythra cooked something well once and it was on accident and nobody believed she made it and she was a lil tempted to use the siren laser beam to blow something up she was so mad /// venti invented the teyvat version of beer pong /// not long after azura got to hoshido she tried to ride a pegasus and fell right off and swore off trying again for years

General Opinion over said character: mythra is up there for being one of the best written women in a recent game for me? i think her struggles with what shes been through and seen making her literally create an idealized version of herself (who is still flawed and imperfect) is such an interesting story even if its hindered by how fucking awful her model/design can be at times and the fact two of her first scenes are being weirdo tsundere anime girl trope. that part sucks. but anyways shes still really well written most of the time and i love her arc when you look at how she was at the start of torna through to the end of xc2 proper

venti is like... im waiting to see what exactly he did during the fall of khaenri'ah before solidifying any proper thoughts i have on him if that makes sense? the seven are hiding so much i feel like i cant make a judgement call about them until we get more info (i say as if zhongli isnt one of my favorite characters, but i Understand him a lot more than i do venti). i think that the fandom is sooooo wrong about him hes a sad old man who has lost so much and drinks to comfort himself and i think the grief and loss that echoes throughout his story quest is his best trait. also 100% believe that he agreed to losing his gnosis and that it was all a big act that it was being stolen from him, if that doesnt end up being canon im gonna be really disapointed

azura is the backbone the glue the everything that tries to holds fates' flimsy story together and i think she mostly does a great job for what shes got. i love love love how she has had two families that never actually loved her like a real family should and i think its neat that she eventually gets to find that kinship through corrin. i love her softness while she is still highly determined and sharp witted. when i first played i really related to how she felt the need to put the burdens of the world on her shoulders even if it (literally!) killed her. she really pulls off the princess from a fallen/destroyed kingdom thing with how well her writing balances the sadness and loneliness she's lived with for so long with how she is still a girl who is alive and has joy even if she forgets it sometimes. her scary stories she tells to sakura and her love of sleeping on a fluffy kitsune tail all humanize her and give her a depth a lot of the fates cast is missing. we love her we stan.

[wondereads]

Personal Review (08/08/21)

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Why am I reviewing this book?

I'd been looking forward to this book for a while, and I think it's really good for a debut novel. Also, it's just really sweet, and I think people should read it.

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Yadriel has been out to his family as trans for a while, but they still refuse to acknowledge him as a brujo, a man who guides spirits to the afterlife, but Yadriel knows he isn't a bruja, a woman who heals through magic. In an attempt to prove himself to his family, Yadriel tries to summon the spirit of his recently deceased cousin, only to accidentally summon Julian Diaz, his delinquent classmate. Yadriel still tries to free Julian's spirit to prove his talents to his family, but Julian and his cousin's death herald something much worse to come.

The plot was fairly predictable; I knew almost immediately who the villain was and what they had done. However, I think the characters more than made up for it, which I'll talk about later.

There's so much Latin American culture wrapped up in this book. To be honest, I don't know enough about it to know how much was changed to fit the plot, but it felt immersive and authentic.

I was very invested in Yadriel's connection with his family. I wanted them to accept him, but I also wanted him to realize that he doesn't need to apologize for or tone down who he is for them. The ending was very sweet, and I was very satisfied overall.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Yadriel, Maritza, and Julian are such compelling and genuine characters. All of them are a bit odd in different ways, and I loved that their unique aspects were emphasized but also (except Yadriel's desire to be accepted as a boy) weren't made out to be these huge problems. Maritza is vegan and refuses to use animal blood, so she just doesn't practice magic. Julian comes from a parentless, low-income family, but it's hardly ever brought up except to develop the relationship between him and his brother. Things like that.

Yadriel and Julian's relationship came about very naturally, and I was rooting so hard for them. While it is expedited over only a couple of days, it's a very well-paced progression from allies to friends to lovers. It's obvious they each have the utmost respect and admiration for each other–Julian wholeheartedly supports Yadriel being trans (when he fixed his name in the yearbook I squealed), and Yadriel doesn't care at all about Julian's background. That kind of acceptance was very nice to read, and it made it so easy to love their romance.

Finally, Yadriel's family was tough to get along with. They're not bad people, they're not transphobic, but they really struggle with it and obviously don't take it seriously, and it's easy to see what kind of effect that has on Yadriel. It was nice to get a happy ending with them, but I hope Yadriel sets some boundaries with them after the fact so the years of misgendering won't just be brushed under the rug.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Thomas' descriptions are great. The scenes that incorporate Latin American culture are are so beautiful to imagine, and it was very easy to picture it all in my head. There were some places that felt a little clunky, but, like I said, this is a debut book, and I'm already loving their writing style.

One thing that particularly stood out to me was that there was quite a bit of Spanish mixed in to the dialogue. Spanish that was then not translated. I had to have Google Translate pulled up while I was reading, but I actually loved it. People living in the US that speak another language are always told to make it "accessible" by translating to English, and there's actually so little tolerance for Spanish in particular in today's society. Of course a book about a Latinx family is going to have Spanish in it! Yadriel certainly isn't going to translate it; he understands it! I just really liked that bit.

Meaning 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Yadriel's struggle with his family is tough; it's never easy to have the people you love invalidate your identity. While it may not end this way for every trans kid, I liked that Yadriel's story in particular had a happy ending. That message of familial acceptance is really important for younger LGBTQ+ people to read about.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The fact that this is a debut book is insane. The plot is a little predictable, but the characters, romance, and writing are all pretty amazing. It works well as a standalone; I don't feel the need to know more about these characters, and there are no outstanding questions or plot points. I'm glad lots of people are reading this book because it's got a super sweet romance and great representation. I would recommend this book to people who enjoy paranormal stories, LGBTQ+ stories, and golden retriever boyfriends.

The Author

Aiden Thomas: American, trans, also wrote Lost in the Never Woods

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, and I take recommendations. Check out my about me post for more!

[arcticdementor]

A reader writes:

I’m writing to you today because I have some information to share with you (and your readers) who may still be skeptical that this LGBTQIA+ gender-identity craze is coming for their kids.  Some recent interactions online have made me more aware than ever that the movement is spreading in wild and unpredictable ways, and also made me reflect on how, in my own life, even someone like me could have fallen victim to it.

I want to start off by saying that recently, (and ironically, in an attempt to try not to be sucked into the internet as purely a source for doom and gloom: you will see how this backfires on me) I decided to rejoin a fan community surrounding one of my favorite franchises on Twitter. I won’t go into too much detail about which community and the exact specifics, but just know that it’s a popular franchise that’s appropriate for older kids, teens and adults (nothing 18+, nothing for really little ones).  As a teen myself I was fairly active in a similar branch of this community on another social media platform (Facebook), and enjoyed it immensely before the platform eventually went more or less defunct as a hot-spot for fan content. Most of the content was fan-created work (like fan-art or fan-fiction) with a little interaction and lots of “DID YOU SEE THE LATEST” kinds of posts.

…

Anyway, to keep it to a minimum, that was then. If you’ve been on the internet any time in the last five years you know that spaces where people just talk about an interest and don’t mix it with politics and activism are becoming few and far between. Even though I knew this, and knew that I wasn’t going to have the same experience in a different place, something sparked an interest in me to go try to reconnect with my internet roots in a different setting.  So, I followed some hashtags, quickly found some new followers and settled back to enjoy at least marginally some discussions online that didn’t have to do with Covid and All The Ways We Are All Going To Die.

Then came the teenagers.

Much like when I was a kid, this franchise attracts a lot of younger people.  So it was hardly surprising to me to find that many of my new followers were in the 14-18 age range and that people like myself (mid-older 20s) were a sort of senior majority. That was fine- Twitter’s rules after all are 13+, so it’s not unreasonable to assume if you’re part of a popular group that you’ll interact on occasion with minors. That wasn’t the part I found strange. The part I found strange was that all of them, and I repeat, all of them were fans of two things- the franchise, and gender identities.

You can actually almost pinpoint the age range of the 18 and under crowd by how many of them have the following: 1. Pronouns in bio and in username.  2. Gender identity or lack thereof displayed in bio or username. 3. LGBTQ+ sexual orientation displayed in bio or username. etc. etc. etc. I’m not going to dive into it too much, because some might be saying “isn’t that just normal nowadays? Even politicians do that?” Well, you’re not wrong if that’s what you’re thinking. And that’s not the part that disturbs me.

What disturbed me was that, a few weeks after I joined the group, I started noticing an unsettling pattern among many of these teenage users (and many over-teen users, but I’m trying to make a point about the young ones specifically). For a few days, after an interesting bit of news or a trailer or some other thing that unites franchises, the posts in my feed would be primarily things like what I remembered from past experiences: posts about the franchises, theories, speculations, fanart, etc.  But, every time things would settle back down into a quiet, normal week, the feeds in my post became almost entirely about one thing: Gender and LGBTQ talking points.  I’m going to diverge for one second and say that many people in this group aren’t using a personal, front-facing account for their interactions in this fan-group. They’re mostly using alt-accounts with no real names and faces attached (myself included).  And yet, every time the discussion in the feeds died down to where there was just no new stuff about the franchise to talk about, all the conversation slowly but surely shifted back to sexual orientation and gender.  From fan-ships of perfect LGB couples to ‘hey I drew this person but as a trans-female!’ to even forgoing pretending to talk about their interests and just discussing their own gender and sex presentation with their other online friends, it became quickly very clear to me that A. I no longer really belonged here and B. Every single one of these kids was obsessed. Every. Single. One.

…

I’m going to digress and talk about myself for a minute to explain just why these examples, particularly that last one, burn a hole in my soul.  From the minute I was old enough to remember, I’ve never been one of those typically presenting females. When my sisters and I played dress-up as kids, they played princesses and I played a prince or a witch or whatever was more interesting. In addition to the dolls and barbies I had being one of three girls, I also had an assortment of boy-oriented toys, including action figures, a remote control car and this really cool nerf bow-and-arrow set that I still secretly wish had survived my playing with it because man, my kids are gonna miss out someday. My hair was short because I hated wearing it up and the solution was a bob, and when we spent time with relatives I could be found as far away from my female cousins as possible, hanging out with my male cousins and talking about Legos and Lord of The Rings. I spent 90% of my time reading books and ignoring reality, and didn’t put much effort into my appearance until probably age 13 or later.

And I wished I was a boy.

It wasn’t an all-consuming thought, but I thought it. I wished, many times, when my parents would fuss at me to please stop attempting to climb trees in your Sunday clothes and when my sisters never talked about anything but dolls and tea-parties around their friends that I could be one of the boys. I had always liked the boys and their world better, and I fit into better, and yet there was that little problem (that I was still a girl) that kept me from being accepted into the boy group.  The reality was, I was already probably very intelligent for my age (too-well read children can relate) and I took that big-headedness a little too far at times. I was also a very emotional person (still am) and just passionately felt that being a girl and being expected to do girl things was hideous and unfair.

The saving grace? My mom was the same. She’s never been a typical female either, and though as adults we have some clear differences (ironically, I have more stereotypical female interests/talents than her- like a hidden passion for interior decorating and a love of baking and so on) she was there for me, to be able to tell me that no- I didn’t really want to be a boy, I was just a girl who liked sword fights and grass-stains more than ballgowns and tea parties, and that was okay!!! She was proof that there were other girls like me, and that I would find more of them eventually (I did) and, even though we never said so in so many words, that stereotypes and how we fit into them has nothing to do with our innate female and male selves. And so, reassured that I could be female and still be however I wanted, I eventually grew out of those thoughts, and as I matured, found that there were ‘female things’ I connected with that my past self was too young to appreciate.

But, think about all this in a modern context. I’m a happy adult female now, and I was never truly gender-questioning. I just thought, for a while, that boys had more fun than I did, so I wanted to be one.  But that, in it of itself, is a thought that’s deep enough for modern gender activists to insist I be transitioned immediately and put on life-altering hormones, never given a chance to grow up or grow out of questioning, and affirmed in my presentation instantly! If I, like that young girl online, had been handed a ‘gender-affirming’ flag and an identity that ‘made sense’ out of why I was different from my peers, I might have jumped on it, especially without the presence of a wise older person to tell me I wasn’t anything different than what she’d been as a child. This is the problem, this is why this kind of thing is so dangerous and toxic and wrong.

[basketballandtextbooks]

Bat how do you feel after watching the special

There are multiple levels to my thoughts.

On a satire level, they bungled a lot of the information. They were trying to take an “all sides are stupid stance” on an issue where people are dying daily and there are actual medical reasons for one stance to be factually incorrect so taking an “all sides” stance is... fucking tone deaf. To be fair to them, I enjoyed the amount of meta that informed their episode about knowing that their episode was doing more harm than good and using Randy as a tool for that particular satire was a smart and effective mood. That said, it was a mixed message that promoted a lot of misinformation. While the meta parts were funny, lamp-shading how poor your satire is doesn’t actually make your satire good. It just means you’re lamp-shading the issue. It was disappointing because I had hoped for better as they frequently write good satire. Stan’s character journey was the only cohesive one throughout the episode and while it was a good one, there was so much of the episode that was tone deaf to the severity of this issue. While I think it’s valid to bring levity to the issue and I was hoping they would, they missed the mark by a long-shot. That said, they usually don’t do well with medical issues. The last time they bungled their satire this badly was the vaccination episode. And they infamously bungle literally every trans-related episode. There were aspects of the episode that were poignant, well thought out, and well executed, but the majority was an under-researched in-cohesive mess. Which to some extent I think that’s what they were aiming for because they view the pandemic as an in-cohesive mess. The issue is that one of the reasons that pandemic is such a pervasive issue (especially in the states) is the mass spread of misinformation so when they spread misinformation to criticize the spread of misinformation... it’s just stupid.

However on a character level I very much enjoyed the episode. It was yet another Randy focused episode and as I’ve expressed on a few occasions I just don’t find him funny. Oh no, he jizzed on the weed, that’s sooooo surprising. Honestly Randy is a very one-note character. He does something horrifying, people are horrified, he faces no consequences, rinse, repeat. That all established, I think it’s important character information that he cheated on Sharon twice in China with no guilt whatsoever. He only wanted to hide his crime because “my wife is a bitch”. Also considering he cheated with non-human entities, I think this is strong proof of Rowelie’s viability so take that as you will Rowelie shippers. Also the fact that people grow Randy mustache’s if they ingest his cum and Sharon had a mustache at the end... I sort of hate that Randy took that as proof that she smoked his weed. Now, even if she had smoked it his behavior still is completely and disgustingly inexcusable but also... everyone in South Park is openly smoking so she could have very easily gotten second hand Randy-stache. Or just given her husband a blow job. Also it’s interesting information that within universe Randy’s cum has mutagenic properties. Again for the Rowelie shippers: you could use this as an excuse as to how Towelie turns into a human, Randy’s cum mutated him. Also I think it’s likely that microwaving his balls could be what caused his radioactive jizz. Or one of the times he was experimented on by aliens. Or both. Altogether Randy was a repulsive bastard within the episode who I find boring at best BUT the amount of meta information that he introduced will be very useful to inform my theories. (Also again, the fact that he so easily and guilelessly cheats on Sharon tells me that he that he has done it a multitude of times. My theory is that after he gave Gerald a handy in the hot-tub and was forgiven he just never stopped, basically assuming the permission to do it once was broad permission to do it forever) (oh and second note: this is the second time within canon that Randy has poisoned people’s weed so uh... that’s fucked up)

Freaked out a lot about Jimbo dying, I’m really scared they’ll kill Jimbo but also since they already killed Ned I wonder if the two of them can be happy in the afterlife together because no one can convince me that Jimbo and Ned aren’t canon. Also Randy’s blatant racism and lack of empathy for Jimbo’s illness was really yikes. I dunno guys, I’ve always had a soft spot for Jimbo. He’s a stupid stereotypical red-neck but he had a sort of charm to him and I thought he was funny. I miss when him and Ned were regulars on the show.

CARTMAN DANCING AND SINGING WAS ACTUALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER ON THIS FUCKING EARTH, FIGHT ME I LOVE THIS STUPID SELFISH LITTLE CRETIN also it’s yet another episode to add to the list of “times Cartman shows he can grow into a better person” and list of “times Cartman seems to show a special soft spot for Stan”. Cartman does tend to listen more frequently when Stan asks and less frequently for literally anyone else. So the Stanman was strong in this one. Also really enjoyed the Stutters. While yes, Stan was completely using Butters as a tool to project his own feelings of unease I think it really says something that he chose Butters for that role. I think to some extent he felt that Butters might be feeling the same mortality-panic he was feeling (whether it was true or not) and that kinship he felt with Butters led him to feel that Butters was also feeling the way he did. He was panicked and he thought out of all his friends that Butters was the one who might share his feelings. I enjoy that sort of subtle connection between them and it’s been a consistent thread within the show that Butters and Stan just treat each other a little different than they do literally everyone else. It’s worth thinking about.

I think Stan was also at his limit because he was already suffering from isolation issues due to Tegridy Farms from before the pandemic. He’s always been a social boy and this brought him to the brink of what he could handle.

THEY SHOT TOKEN AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV I THINK I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBORS i fucking knew it was coming too. The fucking SECOND they shoved those fucking corrupt ass cops in the same room as Token.... I fucking feared for his life. They’ve killed off fairly major background characters before and killing Token would be... topical. I will make it my mission to personally destroy every fucking cop in South Park (Barbrady gets a pass... BARELY). I hate them all. I’ve hated them all for a long time but they murdered several children (including Kenny, the bastards) and they SHOT MY BOY TOKEN I WILL RIP OFF THEIR FUCKING ARMS SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SHOOT THEN YOU TRASH BASTARDS

Nothing big Kenny happened this episode, insert sad fanboy noises

There were some strong Kyman moments. Cartman went to Kyle’s house for help at the beginning of the episode, obsessed over whether or not he’d be in the same room as Kyle, tried to vomit on Kyle, AND THEN KYLE FUCKING JUMPED HIM AND BEAT HIS ASS DOWN, FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO INCORRECTLY THINK DIFFERENT KYLE IS A FUCKING DOMINANT TOP, HE DOESN’T TAKE IT, HE GIVES IT

Adding that to my long list of “episodes where Kyle shows he isn’t a pushover, is very violent, and can easily kick Cartman’s bitch ass” because every so once in awhile I have to break out that list when someone insists upon how submissive Kyle is. Bitttttttccchhhhhh, you haven’t watched the show if you think that. My favorite kid doesn’t take your shit

Very interested in Red’s new canon last name (McArthur) but I’m also unsure about it because in the scene’s where it’s shown I couldn’t quite tell if it was actually Red or Powder. She kept being shown from odd angles and her hair looked a little shorter than normal. That said, I’m happy if it is her because I’ve been wanting a canon last name for Red for a long-ass time. Even presuming you go by the cousin’s headcanon for Craig and Red, there’s no guarantee they would have the same last name.

Let’s see, I think I had some other thoughts but those were the main points

OH PAUSE THE SCREEN WHEN THE PARENTS ARE ON ZOOM it’s really cute/funny what the usernames are. For example Annie’s mom is totally just using Annie’s account so she’s probably not very tech savvy. There’s actually a lot of minor character detail that you can infer from those screen-names.

Yeah those are my major thoughts: Randy is trash, nothing new, Cartman was ADORABLE and also lots of good meta for him (I have some hcs that one of the reasons he adored the social distancing so much isn’t because he hates human contact because we know from previous seasons that he’s a bit of a lonely boy, but he likes the social distancing explicitly because it gives him an excuse to reject other people before they can reject him), good stutters moments, good kyman moments, good stanman moments, there were some style moments if you squint? Kyle was one of the people Stan consulted about his feelings of unease but since it wasn’t just Kyle that he consulted it didn’t really feel like that was a special personal part of their relationship, moreso that he wanted Kyle to kiss his booboo and make it better. Although further proof that Kyle is the dom in that relationship. Kyle was agitated over the situation but overall rational, Stan was flipping the fuck out. Stan came to him submissive, scared, and asking for Kyle to make him feel better. Kyle remained calm and logical. I swear to god if I read one more cutesy-innocent Kyle post I might flip a table. Literally Kyle’s canonical self is RIGHT THERE

OH YEAH MY BUTTERS THOUGHTS there’s nothing really new here but it continues the trend of Butters being a self centered prick. (I love him but he is) Instead of even trying to understand the number of people dying or the gravity of the situation, he’s just upset and throwing tantrums because he doesn’t get to play at Build a Bear. And it’s made explicit in the writing that unlike Stan he isn’t struggling with the nebulous fear of death (probably brought on by his uncle getting sick). Butters is just bitter that he doesn’t get to have special things. Also Stan was the only one who tried even a little to save Butters from getting taken by the guards. No one else tried to stop or warn Butters. So again, very cute Stutters moment where Stan is overtly worried for Butters’ well-being even when he’s throwing a bratty tantrum. (I don’t know how anyone perceives Butters as an altruistic person, he’s a selfish twat. he’s a lovable selfish twat, like Cartman, but he’s still a selfish twat. and none of his shitty behavior in this episode was even remotely related to Cartman so you can’t connect it to him. Butters, on his own and without anyone else’s influence, does and acts like a shit-head). There is the excuse that he’s only ten but literally everyone in that cafeteria is only ten. But Butters is the only one kicking other people’s food because he didn’t get his special prize.

This all sounds like I hate Butters. I love Butters, warts and all, I just get really annoyed when fandom ignores his warts because his warts are PART OF THE REASON I LOVE BUTTERS. Also it’s like... blatantly and observably canon that he’s selfish.

I’m going to happily ruminate on Stan feeling a strong pang of protectiveness towards Butters though. That was quite illuminating.

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[imnotyourpoet]

I came out publically as trans 5 and a half years ago, and I recently found my post explaining it (which I will post).

Yesterday I was granted my legal name change, a year and a half ago I had top surgery, and three years ago I started testosterone.

A lot has happened since I wrote my coming out letter, but rereading has reminded me of how far I’ve come. To think I’d be sitting where I’m sitting when I originally posted this, I would have thought it was a dream. I’m so appreciative of the journey I’ve made, but I’m definitely still on it. Every day brings a new challenge, but so far I’m still here right?

It’s time I come clean from something that I’ve only been a little scared to fully admit to myself. I’m transgender.. that means that I was born in a body whose anatomical sex and gender don’t quite line up. I’m out to half of the people I know, I’m out to the people I newly meet because their eyes don’t have the same weight as the people that I’ve looked up to my whole life have.

So where’s this coming from? No where really, I’ve felt it for a long time, I’ve looked like a little boy my whole life, short hair, grass stained knees, loud mouth, a definite lady killer from ages 1-forever, I guess you could say I could have just been a tom boy, but being a tom boy doesn’t make you feel wrong for using the girls bathroom.

I never really understood what gender was for a long time, I knew I didn’t fit in with the girls, but for some reason I never really fit in with the boys either. I remember being called a “he-she” and an “it” and being made fun of, I remember bring taunted and laughed at in bathrooms, I remember teachers constantly telling me that I was lying about who I was. I was always so confused, I just wanted to dress in shorts and t-shirt, and play at recess and use the bathroom I was told to use, but everyone seemed to have a problem with it.

I realized later on that I was different, and at first that wasn’t okay with me, I tried to grow my hair out (for a very short time) I tried girl clothes and make-up (I looked pretty good) but I hated it, I hated how I looked and it didn’t feel right, I turned to self harm and had destructive behaviors that lead to a rocky relationship (at the time) with my parents (and loosing my phone and laptop). Eventually I cut my hair back off but I just didn’t feel enough, I even made a fake profile on some stupid social media site where I used my pictures but I said I was a boy and my name was Alexander. For a long time I really couldn’t have told you why I did that, but now I know that it’s because I was just trying to figure out who I was.

Fast forward to now, I’m 20 years old trying to blog about how I’m a real man and how I want everyone in my life to accept that. As I’m typing this I’m trying to think of what my friends will say, my parents, my cousins and aunts and uncles, and everyone else, I’m trying to see their reactions but it scares me because I’m really not sure what some will say.

But I know that this is part of the process.

Now, if I could be comfortable in my body I sure as hell would choose that. So anyone reading this thinking i’m just making a decision needs to really pay attention here: this sucks, and it’s hard. I wear a binder every day and have sore ribs and tight back muscles so I can pass in public, while still being misgendered (I use he/him, and misgendering is when someone refers to me with her/she/chicks/ lady/mam/etc). I’m pre-t (so no hormones yet) which doesn’t help with the whole passing thing, but when i can start hormones it’s going to be expensive, and I hate shots. I hate wondering what it’s like to be able to pee standing up, or what it’s like to get a boner. That may sound strange, but it’s something I’ll never really get to experience. Being trans is complicated, and it’s hard to say that I would choose to grow up with the bullying I had or the identity issues I dealt with.

But don’t be mistaken, I wouldn’t change who I am now, I realize that it might be hard to understand, but I’m growing to love me, and with out those shitty experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

So what does me being trans mean for you? Really, honestly, nothing. I’m the same kid I was when I was 10 and running around playing football at recess, I’m also the same kid that cried to my mom because I was scared of the dark. I’m not a different person, I’m just tweaking my body to match who I really am.

Now I really don’t think most people reading this are going to be shocked or surprised in the least bit, but being able to fully admit to being transgender is something I need to do for myself. So please, for my sake, if you care about, love me, support me, or just aren’t a dick, please use he/him pronouns with me.

I’ve got one life, and I plan on living it as well… me.