#I personally don't use any!!! i call myself queer because that feels better for me!!!

[genderqueerdykes]

thank you both for this, i was literally in the process of writing a post about this as i saw these.

i came out as bisexual when i was about 19 or 20 years old, in 2011 - 2012. this was such a difficult thing because everyone around me suddenly had very pointed opinions on me. suddenly i wasn't queer anymore, i was a straight person. i asked people why and they said well bisexual people are half straight, which makes you straight, which means gay people don't want to be around you. i was told nobody likes bisexuals because they're too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight

i had a literal personal dilemma because i didn't feel like that at all. when i was realizing i was bisexual i was realizing i was attracted to all genders in a queer way. i did NOT feel like my attraction to men, women or genderqueer people was straight in any way, shape or form. i've always fit in much better in both gay and lesbian circles. those have always been my home, and my community

in the early days of my transition, when "genderqueer" wasn't even remotely heard of, i had to try to transition into being a man to be seen as trans at all. i went from being forced into lesbian spaces to being forced into gay male spaces. nobody let me pick where i was existing. i was being pushed around. i liked both lesbian and gay male spaces, but i was being told when i could and couldn't occupy the spaces. and then when it came out i was bi everyone called me a traitor and said i was a straight person

my best friend at the time came with me to pride meetings and when her mom found out about that, and that i was bi, she told my friend she couldn't come to those pride meetings anymore, and that i was turning her daughter into a lesbian. her mother would not stop calling me a lesbian all throughout my life. from early childhood, she thought me and her daughter were dating because i was butch and she was femme and we were very close. her mom carried this belief into adulthood, asking her outright if we were lovers. her brother thought we were, too, and taunted us about it.

my own mom weaponized lesbianism against me. she hated how butch i was. she hated that i "looked and acted like a lesbian". she called me a butch and a bulldyke hatefully. she told me not to dress or look certain ways or else people would assume i, and her by some proxy, were lesbians. my mom was insanely butch so i don't really know why this was being leveraged against me but either way when i became a young adult and my mom was trying to force me to learn to drive (something i am terrified of doing due to having 2 dissociative disorders), she asked what kind of car i would ideally like. i said a truck. i was standing there in a purple plaid shirt and she just sighed and went "I knew you were a lesbian." she pointed out my shirt. she was weaponizing lesbophobic and butchphobic stereotypes against me, but either way, reinforcing that i was a lesbian in one capacity or another

i got so tired of my friends harassing me for saying that if i was bi that meant i was straight and i needed to stop calling myself gay because i wasn't, and that it was an "insult" to the gay community. note that nobody gave a singular flying fuck about the bisexual community at all. i was literally bullied out of identifying as bi, because my straight cishet male friends hated it, and my lesbian identifying GF was uncomfortable with it because it made me sound too straight.

the thing is, none of these people asked what being bisexual meant to me.

i actually liked the lesbian community a lot. i really love other lesbians. i have always been attracted to lesbian and butch identifying people for as long as i could remember. i loved seeing strong butch women on TV, even if there were rude jokes. i loved the idea of being a masculine person who is sometimes a queer masculine woman. i loved the idea of being with femmes, i loved queer women and people who took femininity to the next level. i also loved seeing gay men when and wherever they existed. i always felt like i fit right in, and like i was seeing a reflection of a part of myself i needed help discovering.

i have almost always, as long as i can remember, identified as a gay man, and a lesbian, at the same time. my attraction to men, women, and people of all genders is queer no matter what gender of mine is involved. it doesn't matter. i have never felt "half gay half straight" which is why people weaponizing heterosexuality against me as a bisexual forced me to strictly identify as a gay man for almost a decade. it was painful to ignore my butch lesbian side, and to stop identifying as gay, because people would criticize how attractive i found women, and other people

if people had let me exist and explain what bisexuality means to me, they could've understood that bisexual is an inherently deeply queer attraction no matter what genders are involved, but NOBODY cares to listen to the bisexual. everyone LOVES to speak for us because we're just "straight people invading the queer community."

we've had it. bisexuals are queer. even if they DO identify as "half straight" they're STILL queer. let bisexuals define bisexuality. there is no one size fits all form of bisexuality. every single bisexual defines it differently and that's the point. it's a very complex identity with many layers that often relate to gender and presentation as well as attraction.

let bisexuals define bisexuality.

[sapphicsigh]

I don't want a 3rd szn without Izzy. I just don't. Call me dramatic or whatever, but I'm so genuinely heartbroken by his death. I feel so betrayed. Izzy was the heart of the show, and now he's gone.

The aftermath of his death felt rushed, he wasn't buried at sea (like what the fuck, a lifelong pirate like Izzy would've wanted to be buried at sea) and the crew was just happy to get back on the revenge and set sail without their unicorn? Everyone just gets a happily ever without Izzy? Izzy died a painful death shot by a pompous asshole and for what? Some metaphor about the end of the golden age of piracy? Piss off. Closure for Ed? That could've been achieved a number of other ways. Izzy couldn't get any assurances that HE was loved? Even on his fucking deathbed? The man who protected the crew with life and limb? It doesn't feel right, and it never will. Izzy deserved so much better, and so did Con.

And worst of all, perhaps, is that Djenkins was planning on killing him all along. The whole time, while we were falling in love with the little angry man, rooting for him and rejoicing when he wore makeup in front of the crew and was vulnerable with them...he was a dead man walking.*

*I've seen ppl make rlly good points about how death was treated throughout the show and I wanted to add that context here. If I can find whose post I'm thinking of, I'll tag them

**Edit: Izzy's death was an incredible shock. EVERYONE ELSE IN THE SHOW survived their near death experiences!!! Stede got choked near to death, stabbed (twice!), and survived all of that unscathed. Ed got his head smashed in by a FUCKING CANNONBALL, pumbled by the crew and made it out with barely a scrape. Even Calico Jack could've (apparently) escaped death after being shot with a goddamn cannonball. The Swede was poisoned but was already immune to it. Wow! We (at least I felt this way), as an audience, believed that there wouldn't be any character deaths due to the overwhelming evidence we'd been given thus far. So after alllll the in show evidence that the laws of medicine or physics don't apply to ANY of the pirates, why suddenly apply it when it comes to Izzy? Hmmm??? It makes no fucking sense. It's cruel and unusual punishment. They really killed off the queer disabled elder??? Jesus christ. Did not a single person in the writer's room have a qualm about it? The optics alone are bad. But more importantly, killing off the queer disabled elder is inherently political, whether djenkins thought of it that way or not (& i dont think he did). The mere existence of queer people is inherently political in a society (the US), which wishes for our eradication. So killing off a beloved queer disabled elder, on a show which seemed to promise us queer joy and a happy ending, IS POLITICAL. it's a slap in the face and a punch through the fucking gut.

It feels doubly awful because we, as an audience, were given something we've never had before, an unapologetically queer show. One that didn't soften or censor itself for straight viewers. It was created with such love, at least it felt like, for us. So to be given that gift, and to feel recognized and seen and appreciated, only to have it snatched away...

I can only speak for myself, of course, but it's genuinely heartbreaking. I'm so utterly disappointed. I wish so badly that Con got more time with Izzy. I think Izzy means a lot to him, and he means a lot to us, too.

❤️‍🩹🦄❤️‍🩹I love you, Izzy, and I always will. Rest in peace, my little meow meow, you were and are so loved.❤️‍🩹🦄❤️‍🩹

[velvetvexations]

This is a protective ask. It encourages you to check whether you really want to answer the asks beneath yet. Be good to yourself, you do good work for all of us <3

Thank you, anon. <3

sick of feeling like queer spaces seem to expect masculine people to be protectors and supporters without ever expecting to have to give us protection and support too. it's always how trans mascs can be allies to trans femmes and never the other way around. it's what about the scary trans man in the women's bathroom and little discussion of the threat we are under in these scenarios. it's always use your masculinity to protect me, but nobody can give without receiving. support and protection are features of community and community needs to be at least somewhat mutual. I refuse to constantly put myself in danger to protect someone who sees my suffering simply as an inherent duty of my presentation. let me be butch and slow and gentle for a change. let me be scared and held please.

I'll hold you. It's okay. You don't have to put yourself in danger to be a man, I promise.

people love love love to be blatantly misogynistic towards trans men/mascs and be like "well actually its subversive because he's a man! teehee!" was it subversive when i got told to shut up because i was the only women present (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got told i had to wear a dress to show off my feminine figure (post coming-out) was it subversive when i got called shrill mid-argument (post-coming out) was it subversive when nobody except me would clean the communal areas in the flat because i "did it so well" (post coming-out) was it subversive when i had my music taste made fun of when i was a 13 year old girl? is it subversive now that im a 20 year old trans guy? am i not the same person? is it subversive when people talk about trans men the same way people talk about teenage girls. is talking about teenage girls like that subversive if they come out as trans men later. or is it maybe a little different?

I'm sorry anon, you deserve so much better.

This discourse is always so fucking bizarre because IRL I'll be hanging out with trans women, getting fun updates from my friend on how her E dosage is going and her first foray into wired bras, spending time with the only other transmasc I know IRL at a 'women + nonbinary people' event because that's literally the only queer space near us intended for transmascs, and it's just incredibly obvious people perpetuating this discourse don't go outside

touching grass is vital

The shortest line joke reminds me of the fact that when I was more femme presenting & the women's toilets were blocked off, I went into the men's bathroom and a man went 'Ah! You scared me' and I was like at last, I am the threat <3 I haven't tested to see what will happen if I go to the men's bathroom now that I've started getting weird looks from women from being in theirs. Probably more of the same. It's hard out here being a bathroom liberation free the nipple communist

so true

i spent an hour arguing with a TRF and i'm exhausted. there's a reason i have a boundary with myself about getting into discourse. i don't know how you do it, but thank you for doing it from those that can't <3

I do what I must because I can <3

oh and then the same person said she think its funny to call trans men ‘birthday boys’… i neeeeed to mock and infantilise all trans men because a couple of them disagreed with me!

context

if someone treats you that way call them a slur back until they stop

(do not do that)

Yo it hit me over the head just now- i think there's a large portion of transfems who never did any gender work beyond their own. Like the running joke of 'of course every guy secretly wants to be a girl'; I'm not sure they can conceptualize us wanting to be masculine for any reason so there has to be some sort of 'ulterior motive'

Correct, though stupid selfish assholes with the same lack of comprehension or desire to comprehend the experiences of others come in all kinds.

[liquidorcard]

Lily Orchard is very politically opportunistic and her posts on Palestine show how blatant this is. She presents herself as militantly anti-fascist and anti-hate, she claims to hate centrists who try to give fascists a space to speak (instead implying she'd be willing to use violence to stop them). But like, as soon as it comes to electoral topics, she aggressively, AGGRESSIGELY insists that the liberal centrist parties are the only viable option. Like, the guys she pretends to hate. To the point where she's victim blaming activists for Democrats losing the election and telling people not to listen to activists when they call for a boycott against the liberal centrists who are upholding the right for fascists to speak and politically act. She pretends to be a leftist, but it's blatantly performative, the reality is that she is centre right and she seems to hate herself for it. Kind of sad, honestly.

I've said something before here that Lily and I grew up in similar environments? Well, I honestly think that has something to do with it.

I grew up in a very right-wing household in a very right-wing community that like, I knew I knew from a very young age I wasn't ever going to be accepted in. Assigned Reject at Birth. You know, it's one of the many ways religious and right-wing spaces just tare apart interpersonal connections important to the human psyche. That makes a wound in people. I won't go into detail, but my home life was bad to begin with. Being queer just made it that much worse.

Before moving away for college, I very much believed I was the most left-wing any human being on this earth could possibly be. I thought I was going to be met with open arms and the unconditional human acceptance I had always wanted, even though I wasn't fully cognitively aware of that.

I wasn't. And I feel people were even less forgiving of my lack of leftist literacy because I was a queer AFAB and concluded there was no excuse for me to be as ignorant as I was.

Now, I know the discussion of the social policing and virtue grandstanding gets flattened of any nuance online so the right can use it against the left, so I want to make sure I'm clear with what I'm about to say. No, the left should not be tolerant of bigotry. No, not every right-wing nut job can be deradicalized by hand-holding them through their own come to Jesus moment. Nor is anyone owed that emotional energy from you. But when you were raised right-wing, even if you grew to resent it, a person needs time to be deprogrammed. And, I know this might upset people to hear, but you won't understand how much of a privilege it is to be raised in a more liberal household unless you weren't. People who were can sometimes be, what I feel is unreasonably hostile to those of us who don't know any better because we haven't had the chance to learn.

It also just so happens I started college in 2015, right when gamergate went down. And it was an art school. Really, it was a uniquely not very ideal environment to rid myself of right-wing brain worms. And in a very real way, it retraumatized me getting rejected for not having the sociopolitical context to understand everything I was expected to. I'm not blaming anyone in particular for that-- that is more an unfortunate symptom of the anti-social rot the right causes, but it wasn't a good time. I think some people could have been kinder, and to this day I do my best to be charitable with meeting people where they're at myself. And I do think there is a problem in the left, especially online, failing to read between the lines and respond appropriately-- especially when it comes to vocabulary choice. You know, sometimes people use dogwhistles without the proper context to understand they are dogwhistling, sometimes people are just genuinely misinformed and lack the language to ask the questions they have, and vocabulary does shape perception. Right-wing ideology only can survive on the basis of rigid, strict, conceptually or literally divine hierarchy. Right-wing language is shaped on the premise of that hierarchy. The reason why a lot of social progress doesn't make sense to right-wingers and is almost impossible to communicate properly in right-wing language is because it disregards the premise of that hierarchy. Right-wingers don't literally live in a separate reality, but they kind of functionally do. Mentally. For people who are more on the right, but open minded enough to genuinely learn and want to, it's better to use as their language as much as possible to explain to them things that can ease them out of the premise of that mental trap of explicit social hierarchy in a gentler fashion.

With all that said, the root cause was still that right-wing upbringing.

I feel I have more than enough reason to very confidently say Lily went through a very similar experience to me. A shitty childhood for a lot of reasons, but one of them for sure being a queer person in an extremely right-wing household. She has a hypersensitivity to feeling shame and will go to extreme measures to avoid it, she feels isolated and desperate for acceptance in an extremely unhealthy way. In one regard she was knee-capped significantly in her ability to function socially that I wasn't, in that her parents decided she was a simpleton when she was very young, basically wrote her off and conditioned her to never take accountability. Though being overly critical of children is equally harmful (though in different ways), dismissing a child of all agency because you think they're too stupid to handle it can result in a lot more damage to everyone around them aswell as themselves and is a form of emotional neglect.

Online I think she searched out for a community that would accept her, and when that did not work out for her, when she experienced that retraumatization again of rejection . . . She took some very interesting lessons away from that. The wrong ones.

And, glass houses, it took me a whole journey aswell to get where I am. But I was conditioned to internalize social rejection, for better or worse. Lily was not. She is aggressively, profoundly, depressingly incapable of self-reflection, in healthy or in unhealthy amounts-- and even though that's not wholly her fault, she's a big girl now, and she's the only one left to accept responsibility for that. As someone myself who feels deeply angry at the ways I was psychologically damaged, I'm speaking as someone who has accepted that dwelling on how unfair it is that I have to be held accountable for that isn't going to improve my situation.

Believe it or not, I don't think Lily is inherently stupid. I think she was treated like she was stupid since she was young, and has put a lot of energy into pantomiming intellectualism instead of actually learning stuff. Again, glass houses, I also learned how to pretend I am smarter than I actually am out of an extreme aversion to shame-- but I can tell I have more actual knowledge, interest and curiosity to learn than Lily does.

I don't think Lily has any interest in learning about left-wing politics, and I don't think she has actually deprogrammed herself from the right-wing environment she was raised in. She has no motivation to care, and likely still is deeply bitter about the social rejection she's experienced in left-wing spaces. However, she has a lot of social capital to gain by PRETENDING she is.

And pretending is enough for the people she courts in her audience.

[dseval]

[★INTRO POST★]

Hello, page visitor. If you'd like to, please read this intro post. (And if you don't want to, that's fine, too)

QUICK FACTS:

Dseval || Adult || Artist

Contains: Sansshipping, Sans AUs, UTMV

May contain: Nothing too extreme. All will be tagged accordingly (so please block it if you're uncomfortable). So far: #cw ecto body, #cw smoking, #cw blood, #cw suggestive

DNI: Proshippers, Pro-Israel, Queerphobic, etc.

Requests/Asks are Open.

(i promised myself that after posting 10+ posts I will create an intro post idk why. Guys. Is this how tumblr works?)

!! These are always open

Unless stated otherwise. But this does not mean I will do/go along with everything.

Asks/Submissions (you can also ask and submit anonymously)

Art Suggestions

Art Trades (preferably by moots/friends)

✧Also, feel free to use my art for everything non-problematic. I'm okay with you taking inspiration or copying directly from my drawings. Or repost them. Just make sure to credit me— or better yet, tag me!

☆Accounts

2nd page: @dsevalyappuccino (for shitposts, reblogging, yapping, and lowres doodles)

Twitter acc: @/dsevalxdsx (there is actually nothing here, but it is open for DMs)

AO3: dseval (there is actually only one fic, don't expect anything in the near future)

Bluesky: dseval.bsky.social (not really active, but I post there sometimes, and I accept DMs)

For commissions and inquiries, feel free to message me anywhere or email dsevalxdsx@gmail.com

☆General Info

✧ I am Dseval. (Pronounced dee-s-eval eval like in the word evaluation.) If you feel like it isn't a cute/short enough name for you— then you can call me Eva. Or call me whatever, I'll tell you If I dislike it.

✧ I draw. Occasionally I also code, make games. I also write fanfics (barely), and make music (barely).

✧ I won't reveal my age, but know that I am not a minor.

✧ I'm Queer. I'm okay with all pronouns, but They/Them is my personal favourite.

✧ I am not open for any relationships, in case you plan on asking.

✧ I am okay with dark topics, I love exploring them, but I do prefer wholesome things.

✧ I'm shy. As in, ☆super shy☆. So I may not post often and chicken out of conversations. Please do not be offended If I did that, you did nothing wrong.

✧ I did say I'm shy. But I also over-yap. I like friends. I'm accepting friends anytime anyday. On the topic of over-yap, I apologize If I ever said something that offended anyone. I am not very great at socializing.

✧ I also don't understand tone tags. So i apologise if I'm slow to get things.

✧ NSFW or suggestive is okay. But I don't really make these contents myself.

✧ I am OK with tagging. In fact, tag me in everything.

✧ Most of the time, I act on absolutely no reason and just because. Do not overthink my actions.

✧ I am not diagnosed (mental healthcare is very poor in my country). But I suspect I have Bipolar Disorder. I may have mood swings and be over-excited at times, or be too tired to response. I hope for your understanding.

✧ My favourite color is PURPLE, in case you can't tell.

☆ Expect:

Expect mostly Undertale Multiverse content, but to be more specific...

Drawings of Sans AUs

Sanshipping

Genderbending Sans AUs

Making my own AU (not speedrun)

Maybe other things, a list cannot list all of my interests

... All in my inconsistent artstyle.

However, feel free to also talk to me about Deltarune, My Little Pony, Evangelion, and Madoka Magica, and several gacha games. I am very deep into the lore of all of the above.

☆Interests

My favourite AU Sans' are Cross and Dust/Murder. (I also think they should kiss)

I am a multishipper, and my bar is very low so I swallow pretty much any content just as long as it is appropriate. Here are my favourites though:

☆ Cross x Dust, Cross x Dream, Color x Killer, Nightmare x Error, Horror x Farm, Geno x Reaper, Fatal_Error x Lavender

I absolutely eat those up, so if you know me and you know about these, please tag me in any related content.

☆If...

Do not interact with me If you are any of the following:

You are a proshipper/comshipper/darkshipper (or, whatever name you call yourself). I do not support that behaviour nor do I do condone it.

You are pro-Israel, Queerphobic, body shamers, pedophiles, zoophiles, etc.

You spread hate and harassment.

☆Tags

× General tags (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

#archiveverse (for my AU)

#dsevalanswers (for every asks that I answer)

#dsevalartreq (for every drawing requests I completed)

#kebaya skellies (for every drawing of any skeleton in kebaya)

#dsevalreblog (for reblogs interactions something just for me to visit later)

#gifts (for anything someone gives for me)

#dsevalyappuccino (for whenever I talk without posting art, this tag is also used by my 2nd acc @dsevalyappuccino)

× Event tags (⁠´⁠⊙⁠ω⁠⊙⁠`⁠)⁠！

#dsevaldrsa15 (i put almost all AU Sanses into a spin the wheel program 15 times and then draw the wheel's picks for 15 days straight)

[roach-works]

weird realization of the night that most of you people following me can't have any idea of who i actually am because i share information about myself very infrequently and only when i want to make a point about something else. but also ive been on tumblr for more than a decade so i just assume im like... part of the neighborhood. like a raccoon in the trash. i live here. you know me.

but in case you don't hi im roach im in my thirties and i used to be a queer girl illustrator and now im a queer man working in manufacturing and ive had adhd this whole time and i used to write a lot of weird filthy fanfic and now im working on mostly original romance and erotica these days (if you like gay post-apocalyptic sci fi please check out Stories Of The Michigan Fleet).

i live in the american midwest at the moment but im probably going to spend the winter in oregon with my family. my current hobby is quilting but im intending to get back into drawing eventually, so stay tuned for a side blog. ive been called everything from a terf to a self-hating homophobic lesbian separatist, so if you see people being mean to me online feel free to make up some even better accusations. i faked the moon landing, personally, by the way. took about a week in 2014.

i like answering asks but im not very prompt or polite, so i don't get too many. feel free to say hi, tho.

[pass1onepr1ncess]

I need everyone to look me in the eye and explain to me with no bullshit why they think that Diavolo x Doppio is proship. Abusive and/or toxic? Potentially- still not proship. And I swear to God if your only reasoning for this is that they're alters in the same body and/or in the same system I need you to sit down right in front of me, better yet lay down and listen to me very carefully.

Being in the same body/system does not equate to being related in any way. I've seen people say that "Doppio and Diavolo are brothers!" No they're not. They're two alters in a system. Similarly, I've seen other people say that - and this is even stranger because where they got this from I have no clue- Diavolo is also Doppio's dad like he's Trish's. No, he's not. They're alters in a system. Even if we go based on canon and throw fanon and headcannons out the window, their relationship outside of being the Boss and his right-hand man is never specified. Literally all we have to go on is that Doppio is comforted by Diavolo's presence and that Diavolo refers to him almost exclusively with words of endearment. This could be platonic, sure. Familial? Possible, but highly unlikely.

I'm not saying that alters in a system can't be related. The alters that our brains cook up can be anything, and familial relationships between alters is a thing. But specifically in the case of Diavolo and Doppio, this is never stated. Therefore, while you are allowed to headcanon them as such, do not force that headcanon onto others when it's not true in the source media.

And if you think that DiaDop is proship because it's an in-system relationship, buddy do I have news for you. Alters have in-system relationships all the time. I, myself, am in an in-system relationship with the Sheila E in our system. Another friend of ours has an in-system relationship in their system. System friends that I knew before that we don't talk to anymore had in-system relationships, and I've seen other systems online talk about their own in-system relationships.

If your only problem with DiaDop is that they're in the same body/system, I can only assume you're a singlet and to that I say:

Fuck off. If you don't know enough about how systems work, you don't get to make that decision. Especially if the decision in question is accusing a harmless ship of being incestuous or pedophilic. Which- by the way- they're both adults! It would be a different story if one of them were underage even in the same system, but they are both grown ass adults! Even with the changes in their body between them fronting, Doppio is described to be a young adult!

And lastly, if your only other reason for accusing DiaDop of being proship is because you don't like it and have some need to justify that dislike? I think you need to do some introspection. I mean this in the best possible way, but if you feel like you have to justify your discomfort for something as small as a pairing of fictional characters, you might want to look in the mirror and ask yourself why that's the case. Especially if you're going to the lengths of accusing that fictional pairing of being proship.

This whole next bit is gonna be my personal thoughts- but might I just add that the whole thing of Doppio's comfort in Diavolo's presence or on "calls" with him and Diavolo calling him "My Sweet Doppio" and other such things really feels to me like implied romance. Especially in the only Jojo part (other than SBR) with canonical queer representation (SquaTizi and Sorlato), it's a bit hard to ignore, in my opinion!

Anyway, I've seen people be weird about DiaDop for a while now and I was just gonna hold my tongue, but the more I thought about why they would think that the more I realized that it's all singlets who just don't understands systems and assume they can talk for all of us. It pissed me off, so here I am.

If there's any reason to call DiaDop proship that I haven't debunked, please enlighten me. But otherwise? Shut up.

[talisidekick]

It's practice.

The witty one-liners. The off-the-cuff jabs back. The funny reversals.

It's practice.

The so called "strength" and "conviction" and "determination" that people associate with transgender people. How we can stand back up and laugh it off and seem unaffected.

It's practice.

Do you know how many times I stuttered out a weak, unconvincing response? Do you know how many times I stayed silent because I couldn't think of anything clever or smart to say back? How long I thought about what was said of me, to me, or about me after the fact? Probably not. I stewed over all of it, got it piled on, and with each new remark or comment or insult, I got better at handling it. It used to hurt so much, but it's happened so much that I no longer have quiet tears in my closet. It's now "oh, we're doing this again, great".

It's practice.

I feel it's a disservice to all the trans, gay, bi, queer, and questioning folk out there who are still in the closet or just coming out or just starting to question their identity to not say it out loud. It paints that to be queer requires some internal strength that I know most just coming to their own self realizations feel they don't have. Because I felt I didn't have that quality. I was terrified because the moment all the experiences clicked together, the world suddenly felt against me. How does one person take on the whole world and live? How do these people look right into such hatred, such cruelty, and just meet it head on with seemingly no second thought? Seeing queer people just shoulder it all and carry on seemed impossible for me to do. I wasn't strong like that, I wasn't determined like that, I didn't have that seemingly impenetrable armour. When I came out, finally, I didn't do it with hope. It was with spite and the thought that the world would send someone to kill me and that was marginally better than doing it myself. I made peace with losing everything. I'd go down swinging. So how am I still here?

Because the two things no one told me: it's practice, and your opposition will bark more than they bite. You stutter out your first comeback, and it sucks. Your shout back against the hate is shakey and unconvincing. Your tenth or twentyth feels no different. Then you get that one tired day, where someones a dick and it just ... falls off the tongue. Maybe you heard it somewhere, maybe it's something unique, but it's snappy, to the point, and unexpected by even you. You'll chase it, fail, but not as bad as before. As you get better at refuting it, walking away, or laughing it off it starts to hurt less. It's still annoying or painful but ... it's another wednesday or whatever. And next thing you know, some colleague or coworker or discord server acquaintance is telling you you're strong, powerful, determined or whatever. But you don't really feel any of that, because you still feel like you.

So live. Keep breathing. It's important you keep existing in every small or little way you can. Because the strength you see around you from the queer people you meet: it's practice, and you'll get there too.

[frogs-and-books]

Hello everyone. I'm sure many of you seeing this post know what it's about, but for the ones that don't, yesterday I made a post saying, and I quote "Hey, this is your daily reminder that Riz is not canonically Aromantic! He is implied to be, and it's totally fine to hc that, but I've seen a lot of people stating he's aromantic like it's a fact, when that has never been confirmed! He is canonically Asexual tho, you can't take that away!" Since then, I have gotten called stupid, bigoted, and I have been told to kill myself. As anyone who read my bio knows, I am a seventeen year old high school boy who is just trying to get through AP exams.

I never wanted to start drama, and I've never had any bad intentions. I just wanted to clear up some common misinformation I saw. But it seems no matter how much I say that you can headcanon whatever you want and ask people to stop harassing people who have different interpretations of media than them, people only hear what they want to. I was asked what I expected to happen when I posted that, and honestly, what did I expect? Well, I didn't expect to be harassed by a community that I thought was full of love. We are queer DnD lovers, and I thought that would be the last group of people to hurt those who are different. I believed, perhaps naively, that my post wouldn't do much but encourage people to do their own research on what's canon.

Please do not take away the wrong message from this post. I am not asking for sympathy. I am asking for you, as a community, to do better. I don't hate anyone who has been a part of this mess. People are wonderful multidimensional beings with endless possibilities, and I choose to believe that everyone has good in them.

I am not perfect. I am sure there is a logical fallacy or two that I've had in my posts. I'm sure I've come across as too aggressive at some points. I'm sure that if any of these writings were submitted to the AP English exam I took today, I would've failed. I'm argumentive, extremely wordy, and not much to look at, but one thing I've always tried to be is kind.

I promise I tried to make sure everyone knew I was a safe space. Any opinions or headcanons you have are welcome and accepted as long as you respect other people. I have failed to make the community feel safe in my account, and for that, I ask your forgiveness.

Please do not search out or harass anyone who was related to this. If there's one thing I have learned from today, is that it can really mess with you. I love every one of you, even those who seem to believe I'm Satan himself. This was a learning experience for all of us, and I hope we can grow as people together.

And finally, to the person who told me to kill myself, I will not. I will live and I will be happy. I'll have a long, fulfilling life surrounded by my friends and family, and I will not let my opinions on a fictional goblin define me. Because I know I'm a good person and I hope one day you can say the same.

This will be my final post.

[endykelopaedia]

I didn't say gender works separately from race, just differently. As I said, a White person is always White and a PoC is always a PoC, and that's a binary under White supremacy. People hate trans women and trans men for the same reason, they're doing the same thing, i.e. rejecting their AGAB. The cishetpatriarchy thus does not extend anything like the same benefits to trans men because of that. You being a man is therefore not equivalent to me being White. That doesn't preclude race and gender interacting.

NGL, I feel like it was a bit generous of me to apologize for saying something I believe is racist is racist just because the person who said it turned out to not be White. Like you can say it was "only" about male privilege but you were in fact mocking people who bring up their other marginalizations in this discussion. And the reason I bring up that as being generous is because I have to wonder if there's a contrast between that and me being called a transmisogynistic crypto-TERF by a trans man. Like maybe I shouldn't have apologized and it is actually okay to do that? You still seem really offended by it but I don't see why you would if it's valid to make accusations like that. Is it less valid to, without even intending to, accuse a Black person of enacting racism than it is to intentionally accuse a trans woman of enacting transmisogyny? Not even just "enacting transmisogyny," specifically calling me TERF-y and insinuating the words I use for myself make me less of a trans woman, or less a victim of transmisogyny.

I'm also annoyed that you seem pretty intent on taking what I say about the cishetpatriarchal view as being what I believe, which is a really common tactic I see around here usually about how non-transfems discussing being seen as their AGAB is essentially the same as misgendering trans women.

I guess maybe mentally revise my first ask to having just said "I didn't know you were Black and do not particularly care, I deleted it for other reasons."

to be clear; when i said "only a white woman could think white privilege and gendered oppression are completely separate" i meant that only a white woman could think that white supremacy and patriarchy are somehow any more separate than cisgender supremacy and patriarchy. theres nothing about your logic that another white queer couldnt use to say they dont really have white privilege (which ive noticed a lot of people in your movement TEND TO DO) the same way you insist us trans men cant really have male privilege.

but again. i dont think you really believe that theyre not deeply connected anyway. bc why would you then invoke the existence of black trans men unprompted? and it was unprompted. my post didnt bring up black people in any capacity. it was about male privilege. and how men use their other oppressions to pretend they dont have it. which i mocked them for. bc that's stupid.

idk what a crypto-TERF is or what thought terminating cliché it provides for you but im gonna be very clear that you saying "Nonono, I fully believe that youre a man i just dont think wider society ever will or treat you like one, and i base my politics off of this" is not somehow a better or more-supportive-than-TERFS position to have.

i dont really care for your apologies because i know they ring hollow. if you still believe what i said was racist against again, MYSELF. you really only were being deferential to my blackness and you havent actually listened to me. a lot of white people like to pretend theyve done such a good job at protecting black people by invoking us to argue with other white people (like you assumed i was) as "activism" and you are nooooo different. you say you dont care that im black but your "actions" (arguments on the internet) dont reflect that.

i will apologise for one thing though, i never meant to imply that you were somehow less of a woman or don't experience transmisogyny for how you identify. fucked up of me. and the fact i aint a he/him female isnt relevant to that.

really, what i shouldve said is that i know that you've self admitted to being isolated from a lot of other transfems who talk about transmisogyny on here specifically bc of your beliefs. and youre also quite infamous for it. which doesnt mean you dont have a valuable thought in that head of yours but it does mean i'm more inclined to listen to women who arent you on the subject.

[genderqueerdykes]

I don't want to come off as entitled by asking this, but I see you dress more 'feminine' and still ID as butch. I was wondering what the identity means to you as someone who doesn't look like how a butch "should" look? What is the connection there? I hope this doesn't come off as rude, I'm just trying to keep myself from being closeminded in any way and am interested in experiences of others.

i don't really see this as rude! i get a lot of asks where people say both "butches should be able to wear dresses and skirts" and "butches can only dress and look certain ways". there seems to be a lot of contention and gatekeeping over what a butch person should look like, not saying this is what you are doing- i see it constantly in the wild

it's okay to ask these kinds of things because i think a lot of people are confused about the origins of the term butch. butch just means queer masculinity- a queer masculine person can look, act, and dress like anything. there is no set dress code or look for a butch person. i have a phrase which i repeat in these scenarios: the butch is in the person, not the presentation. i see a lot of butches ache and long to wear dresses and other "femme" clothing all the time

i have a complex relationship with both femininity and masculinity due to being intersex. also, i have been living with being called a butch dyke derogatorily my entire life- it's something that's highly close to me. some may postulate that the term "bear" would fit me better, and i have used it in the past, but i'm not sure that one's quite right either. i honestly don't really know if i fit into the femme-butch binary.

due to having DID, some days i feel butch, and other days i feel femme. i am not an unshakeable person, and i have been wondering if the term femme would suit me better these days, given the direction i've pivoted in on the whole. it's a tough thing- queer masculinity to me involves being feminine. it seems confusing, but queer masculinity does not always have to be super macho. a masculine person can display queer masculinity by being feminine, too. the way someone dresses shouldn't have an impact on how they feel on the inside

it's an interesting thing to think about for sure! you caught me right at a time where i have been questioning this, myself. this exact question dawned on me just a few days ago. i was a lot more butch in the past, but i've gravitated toward a more femme experience in recent years. i don't know if i'll ever truly abandon the term butch. it's something i've been getting called my entire life. and i don't think dressing in a feminine way makes someone not butch, but i will say this is something i have been questioning lately!

the thing is, with queer identities, questioning and figuring out what really applies to you takes time. you may find a term and go "oh that's me!" right away, only to discover later on down the road that may not be correct. just because i was hyper masculine in the past doesn't mean i can't be hyper feminine now, you know? things change and shift. maybe at one point I had more butch alters than i do now- change is inevitable in a plural person, and it's hard for us to quantify how many of us are butch vs. how many of us are femme

considering i was already questioning this, this has given me more to think about, for sure. i think it's important to ask these kinds of questions because it may jar you into considering things you haven't before. while butches can present any way they want to, i have been feeling way more femme lately. perhaps i'm a butch who dresses femme, or maybe i've grown in ways where i've discovered that identity doesn't suit me as well as i thought it did. maybe things just changed. so thank you, i'm going to continue considering if that's the direction i'm more headed in lately. :)

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 10.3 of Dragon Age Veilguard

74 hours in, 72 playtime

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Section 10.2 here.

So. I didn't want to play tonight, didn't really have the energy. But I legitimately fear if I don't play for even one day, I'll drop it and not come back. I have ADHD, its a strong possibility, and I still want to see what happens in the story for myself.

I hereby announce that I am, in fact, Eating Crow. Game Lucanis is way better written and developed than in his intro story.

And Lucanis did let Emmerich help, after all. Plot hole taken care of.

That's it? That's all we get about The Titans? After all the previous foreshadowing, we get a single companion quest to find out and resolve (completely unrealistically) the entire issue of The Titans? Are you seriously kidding me?

I need a stronger word than flabbergasted.

Discombobulated. I'm discombobulated at the sheer level of mishandling so many incredibly important aspects have been treated to in this game.

Yes, it's nice to get confirmation about my guess to the history of Titans and Elvhenan... but are you seriously fucking kidding me?

Lucanis talks about coffee more than we get something as important as the Titans settled.

Anywaaaay.

Called it on the identity of the Gloom Howler. And the 'reason' for Isseya to be doing the exact opposite is 'she's been driven mad by 400 years of guilt for following orders'? Edit, it's been pointed out she's suffered the blight for 400 years, too. The blight, in the Lore, basically makes creatures start digging out dragon/arch demons. Because all they can hear is 'the song'. There have been speaking hurlocks working for the benefit of the unblighted. There's the Architect, who keeps showing up and is sane. If directly opposed to anything mortals would want. There's no support in the Lore for blight making someone mentally ill. I truly just feel it's bad writing.

That is so over the top ableist I'm not sure if I can describe it in small enough words why we shouldn't say grief and guilt makes us fucking mentally ill in a dangerous fashion! There isn't a mental illness that I'm aware of that includes a person completely reversing deeply held, sacred beliefs so they do the exact opposite of what they've previously sacrificed so much for.

Crazy and mad both mean mentally ill. That's why calling Isseya mad or crazy is ableist. Isseya would protect those griffins, She’d very possibly steal them to protect them from the wardens. I could see where, out of fear, she'd decide that the Wardens weren't worthy of the griffins after all.

What I cannot see is her sticking a knife into the skeletal remains of a 400 year old arch demon dragon and actually finding liquid blood. That's some foolish jurassic park nonsense. Thinking maybe she got it from the blood marrow? That's dried and almost dusty within a century. Or turned to a rocky like consistency. I don't care how magical the creature those bones came from was, that's just not happening. It's ridiculous.

What I cannot see is her then using that to infect the griffins she fought so hard to save from that very fate.

Last Fall wasn’t my favourite of the books. But both the writer and the character Isseya deserve fucking better than what the end of her story will likely be. I can think of two ways that dumpster fire could be satisfactorily fixed, but I have zero trust in the Bioware writers anymore, so I highly doubt they're going either direction.

And outright stating that too much emotion makes us dangerously mentally ill... I've always said Bioware had ableism problems. I've said they need to hire diversity editors.

I'm utterly appalled that they thought that whole storyline was even remotely okay on any level.

So. Do I have this right?

The Evanuris did lots of bad things. One of the worst was severing the Titans and the dwarves from their dreams.

The Evanuris bound themselves to high dragons, blighting them, and they did this for more power.

The blight is somehow The Titans' or dwarves or both severed dreams? If that's the case, the blight should now be receding or cured because the Titans have been 'fixed'. In a completely unrealistic and ridiculous manner that does a disservice to the whole damned Titan Evanuris war, but hey. I'm used to bad, nonsensical writing. Especially in this game.

Solas made the veil to imprison the Evanuris? Bad side effects. Which, in the Lore, include the death of magic in THEDAS and the eventual death of the realm itself. But we're apparently conveniently brushing that under the rug of bad writing to drive through a story that makes no sense.

He tied the veil, their prison, into their life essences.

So the theory they seem to be going with is that by killing the arch-demon dragon, the Evanuris will become mortal.

They were mortal before they bound dragons to themselves for more power. Mythal was mortal. She was murdered. (Oopsie, even bound to her dragon.) But the Evanuris, the first elves, didn't age and were eternal. They could be killed, sure, but just regular living, even inside a prison, wouldn't have killed them. So why exactly would all the other Evanuris be dead? Just killing their dragons wouldn't have killed them. If they were somehow dead... Wouldn't that have thinned the precious veil that they've spent three games, numerous books etc. stating was thin and as full of holes as my grandmothers crocheted doilies?

Somehow, the veil is completely all better now and holding back a world of blight that never existed in the fade except maybe in the black city? We've been to the fade several times in this game and seen no blight.

How exactly is the blight the corrupted dreams of dwarves or Titans? Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Does that mean that Genlocks (blighted dwarves) dream?

And the veil is what separates the world and magic/dreams/world of spirits?

If the so precious veil is tied to the life energy of the Evanuris... and the veil was created to contain them... what exactly is going to happen to said veil when those Evanuris die?

Either I've figured out the end of the story, or found plot holes the size of Texas if they try to say that veil is still in place once Gilly and Eggy are dead. (Why again are there only two Evanuris left? Have we gotten an answer to that? That makes any sense?)

They've made the answers to everything too pat and yet so convoluted they're tripping over things they've said are fact in this very game.

I just... how? Why? What the actual fuck? How is the writing in this so reprehensibly bad?

I can write better stories in my sleep FFS. And have. One of my published novellas was a dream before I wrote it down. And at least everything makes sense in it.

Section 11 here.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas

First off, please don't feel any pressure to answer this. I'm not heavily relying on this and would seriously prefer it if you put yourself and your mental health above mine

Second off, how are you?

Third off, I need advice :(

Little backstory so you understand, I'm a queer indian that shifted to London 12 months ago for my year 8-9, and when I first joined the school I was best friends with four people including the girl im talking about lets call her Saoirse cause she's Irish. 6-7 months later we've all drifted apart except Saoirse and her best friend. During class we talked occasionally and bantered as friends, until one day she insulted and laughed at me with a couple of friends about my Indian three letter name and when I called her out for it by mentioning her own name, she got into a strop and ignored me for 3 months, as well as trying to one up me with my supposed best friend who I ahwv a shaking relationship with. Admittedly, I did grovel a bit until she started talking to me randomly one morning. A month and we're good friends and then she gets caught doing something and when she gets a detention blames it on me. The next day the teacher asks me and I deny it, it becomes a whole thing for three weeks in which I promise myself to not let her into my life. But one day Saoirse just starts speaking to me again and since we're in the same friend group and it just felt so good I let her. For a week she dotes on me, pulling me to sit with her, and just something about the way she acts and speaks makes me wanna compliment her every time I speak to her. The second week, she unnecessarily touches me whenever she can, compliments me, and when a friend asked her if she was straight (a question she continuously replied yes to and she had a bf) she looked at me, smiled, and said her minds been changing lately. Throughout the week she flirts with me and calls me 'pookie', which whatever everyone does but before we had more of a love language: rude relationship. Finally on the last day, she pulls me aside and applies her lip balm on my lips slowly and constantly, leaning into close and then abruptly leaving. On Monday, peek a boo, shes a bitch. She continuously love bombs me, and whenever another girl who liked me looked at me she would put on an act and make me confront that girl because she called Saoirse a dick for everything. On Wednesday she just acts like she subtly hates me, but I can't speak to anyone cause all my friends are her friends. And also, shes so so so addicting so I can't use my remaining self respect and move away

What do I do?

(sorry for the long ask)

Hi hon! I'm good!

Well, it sounds like you already know what to do, it's just a matter of doing it:

You know Saoirse isn't treating you well. You know you deserve better. And you know she's the type of person hat keeps drawing you back in.

And trust me, I know those people. They're - like you said - addicting. But addiction never ends well, does it? So I think you know that the best idea is to take space from her.

I know it's a lot easier said than done, I know. But you deserve to be treated with respect. And it's okay to take space from people who aren't giving you what you deserve.

Think about it. Message me again with updates or if you need encouragement!

Naming you self respect anon <3

[posi-pan]

https://www.tumblr.com/toyherb/748434177303658496/geiser-i-know-pansexuality-is-not-just-going-to?source=share

i saw this and do you know if this is true or not? because it made me sad / feel bad because before i came out (i didn't have plans to, at first) i was thinking long and hard on which labels fit me to the point of having sleepless nights because of it and then i found out about pansexuality due to this blog and that made me feel peaceful inside and that's how i figured out that this label fit me.

and now everyone on that post is like: think long and hard on the labels you use!!!! i don't want to exclude anyone. i don't want to erase anyone. this label just fits me. it fit me then, it fits me now. it's as simple as that.

sorry to dump this into your askbox during pride :((((

that post is absolutely not true. i have many posts on here calling out the idea that pan is somehow damaging bisexuality or whatever. pansexuality is not biphobic, individual people are. if someone is saying something biphobic, it’s because of their own flawed thinking or understanding, not because of whatever their sexuality is. funny how many heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians say horribly biphobic things, yet i don’t see any viral posts about how heterosexuality or gayness or lesbianism are biphobic. that logic only applies to pansexuality, i guess. *eye roll* it’s almost like the goal isn't calling out biphobia, the goal is spreading panphobia.

(and let’s not forget that pansexuality and pan people did not create any of these misconceptions about bisexuality that panphobes always talk about. those existed before pan got any kind of mainstream visibility. and don't believe panphobes when they say pan folks “changed the definition of bisexuality” either, as that’s just another panphobic lie.)

you don’t have anything to worry about. the only people doing damage are the people who make and share those kinds of posts telling people they’re queerphobic and hurting the community because they use a different word. pan has always existed and wasn’t created to be biphobic or transphobic and has always been welcome in the bi community. claiming otherwise is what’s wrong and damaging.

and idk when op posted that, but the earliest replies i saw were from 2020, so it’s interesting that people are sharing a years old post where the go-to example of a pan person being biphobic is even older: miley cyrus in 2016 saying she hates the word bisexual for putting her in a box. which. i remember that and pan folks, including myself, were criticizing her word choice. (even though she simply said she doesn’t like that label for her own sexuality and feels it’s too restrictive for her own sexuality and feelings. which isn’t queerphobic ffs. queer people of all kinds feel certain labels are too restrictive or don’t fully encompass their feelings. like. why is it only bad when a pan person says that about bi? i’m so tired of the double standards. also, where are these people when bi celebs are spreading biphobic narratives? they’re awfully silent then.)

please try not to give panphobes like that the time of day. their words have no weight because they’re rooted in hatred and queerphobia. they do a good job of masking their panphobia in supposed sadness about biphobia or concerns about the community (and sometimes wrap their message in faux intellectualism), but all of that rings false when you know where they’re coming from and what their intentions are. pan people are just trying to live our lives as authentically as we can, with language that feels true to us. panphobes on the other hand are actively spending their free time trying to make other queer people feel bad for *check notes* using different words. as if that isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world.

i hope this helps make you feel better!!! and no worries about sending this during pride!! 💖💖💖

[k-s-morgan]

What is your HC for Will’s sexuality? Do you see him as bisexual? Also if we only consider canon, is Will a straight man who happened to fall in love with one man (Hannibal)? Sorry for my ignorance here as I am not part of the queer community, but if a straight man falls in love with just one man in particular and doesn’t feel attracted to others, is he considered bisexual? Because I think this is where Will fits. I personally don’t think he’d be attracted to any other men, just Hannibal.

What do you think?

Hi! I don't have a clear headcanon here, but I enjoy speculating because I adore Will as a character.

To note, I won’t be relying on Bryan’s words in this meta as he gave us three different versions of Will’s sexuality, where he called him heterosexual with Hannibal being his possible exception (Bryan: I feel one is omnisexual and one is heterosexual and there's a lot of influence going back and forth, who knows with a six pack of beer what would happen), hinted at Will’s bisexuality (Bryan: You can have this intimate connection with somebody that then causes you to wonder where the lines of your own sexuality are), and implied that Will might be gay (Bryan on Twitter: “YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO BREED” #SUBTEXT #HANNIGRAM #WhatAreYouBecoming). These tags point out not simply to Will’s darkness, but to the other things he (possibly) represses.

So, I think only the show itself should be taken into account when discussing this topic. On the surface, we see Will interested in Alana in S1, sleeping with Margot in S2, and marrying Molly in S3 — and of course, falling in love with Hannibal in the process of all 3 seasons. However, the three women in his life are united by some common aspects — namely, 1) they are perfectly safe and ordinary (with maybe Margot being an exception, but her own sexuality plays a role in this); 2) Will never develops any real emotional connection with any of them. To be more specific.

Alana

We first hear Will referring to Alana in E1 of S1, when he just distantly calls her by her last name. In the course of their time together, Will never seeks Alana out himself. It is Alana who comes to his class, or to the hospital, or to his home — Will does flirt with her, and he kisses her first, but he never appears genuinely interested because he never seems to think about her unless she comes to him. The only exception I personally remember is in E8, where we learn that Will called Alana and invited her over to help him find an animal that was attacked by coyote. Still, the script offers an interesting bit here.

WILL GRAHAM: I invited you over on the off chance we find it alive. Hard to wrangle a wounded animal by myself. (then, realizing) Did you think it was a date?

ALANA BLOOM: Honestly, it never crossed my mind.

Will is at first relieved, then almost disappointed.

So, why relieved? And why flirt with Alana at all if he isn’t actually interested? As I see it, Alana is a very normal, perfectly safe and socially acceptable choice, a nice beautiful woman whose acceptance is clearly important to Will. We know that Will is fighting his demons all the time — he desperately wants to be normal, to bury the darkness inside him. I would say, to him, an acceptance by such a normal person as Alana would mean that there is nothing wrong with him and that he can be normal, too. Now, I can’t say if it was really planned or if it is just a set of coincidences, but I think that the theory that makes most sense is that Will was attracted to Alana’s normalcy first and foremost. He craved an ordinary life at that point, and Alana was someone who could give it to him. The more time passes, the stronger Hannibal and Will’s bond gets, the colder Will acts with Alana. By S3, he doesn’t even know that she had a child and who she is with, so they obviously do not keep any contact. For these reasons, Will never appears emotionally invested in their relationship to me — he remembers about Alana only when she comes to him, like he is only interested in her because she is the only woman he is friends with, someone he doesn’t have to try hard with.

The only aspect that points to the sincerity of Will’s attraction to Alana is his words to Hannibal — that he wanted to kiss her since he’d met her as she’s very kissable. I can interpret it in two different ways. Will can be truly attracted to Alana or he might be so repressed that he thinks he wants things that he doesn’t (and we do have a precedent here — Will tries to deny who he really is in regard to his darkness for quite a long time).

Margot

I think we can all agree that Will was never emotionally interested in Margot. Like with Alana, it is Margot who seeks him out, and Margot is the one to initiate sex. Why does Will agree to it? Just because he wants it? I think it is possible, but I also think it’d be a little out of character for him for several reasons. Will knows Margot has some agenda. He knows she is not interested in sex with him because she admitted she is a lesbian. When she makes her move, Will tells her, "I've got the wrong parts for your proclivities". So he knows the truth, yet still agrees to have sex with her, and during this process, he doesn’t really see Margot. He sees Alana, Hannibal, and a Stag Man– a being that symbolizes his and Hannibal’s connection. More than that, he reaches orgasm only when the Stag Man appears. So, it is equally possible to read this scene as Will’s attempt to engage into the most natural activity in the world — sex with a woman, but he still fails at it by dragging a man and a monster into it.

Molly

Molly is a character who seems alien in the world of the show because she’s the embodiment of normalcy. Will marries her, and we can surely assume they have sex, but from the first seconds of their scenes, it is clear that emotional intimacy between them is missing. Molly and Walter go fishing, an activity that Will enjoys deeply and that could be a uniting hobby for him and his new family. However, Molly and Walter go alone, Will stays home. In all their scenes together, Will never initiates contact between them — he never attempts to touch Molly, sometimes even going out of his way to avoid it. In the hospital, after Dolarhyde’s attack, Will still doesn’t touch her, though his hand twitches as if he considers it. In the second scene, he touches the pillow near Molly’s head, which is so awkward and embarrassing that I’d personally never be able to tell these people are married. The most important thing, Will doesn’t return her ‘I love you’, which is very deliberate. Hannibal tells him that he has chosen a ready-made family, and Will doesn’t argue with it. He goes to Hannibal at the first opportunity because he missed him, not because he needed his help, and then after Dolarhyde’s attack and after learning Hannibal is in love with him, Will easily discards both Molly and Walter and we never see them again. He basically breaks up with Molly back at the hospital, as if her first contact with something not normal taints her in his eyes, breaks the normalcy he thought he needed from her.

So, it is clear that Will never really developed emotional bonds with women in his life. Was he truly attracted to them, or did he like them for the cover of normalcy they could potentially provide for him? I wouldn’t be surprised if Will turned out to be flexible, bisexual, or gay, as it is really open to interpretation and there is enough subtext to support every version. I used to think that Will was bi, but I also wonder if his possible repressed homosexuality could be one the factors that made his fight with himself so intense. Taking into account the area where Will has grown, to him, it is bad enough that he is a killer — he’s also a gay one at that. I think it could enhance his struggle through S1-3 and his slow realization that adhering to social norms in all ways does not make him happy.

Then again, I think Will’s sexuality doesn’t actually even matter at this point because after all seasons, there is only one person who is going to be a permanent part of his life, among all men and women — Hannibal. We have seen that neither Will nor Hannibal can tolerate the other’s partners, and with rich sexual subtext between the two of them, I believe they will easily move forward in their relationship post-fall.

[anneapocalypse]

I have really complex feelings about the idea (often implied or tacitly agreed to be true even when it's not stated outright) that realism in sex scenes (and specifically sex scenes in fanfiction because that's what I'm thinking about) is always preferable and desirable. That it's always better to be more realistic, and any kind of unrealistic or fictionalized portrayals of sex are inferior--or in some cases, worthy of contempt and an indication of the inexperience/immaturity/poor writing skills of the author.

I have mixed feelings about it because I do think there's a place for realism. There are things that add realism to sex scenes that I really enjoy. I enjoy watching certain characters communicate their desires and negotiate activities. In some scenarios I like seeing characters employ safer sex practices like barriers. I will always enjoy when an author takes the time to figure out a form of lubrication that's appropriate and believable in the setting! I can even enjoy when a character gets up to pee after sex before returning to bed to cuddle; it's a very human touch to the scene that can itself be comforting and enjoyable to read. I like it when people who have experience with certain types of sex create helpful guides to writing those things, offering details you might not think of or know about if you haven't had that type of sex. It gives authors more to work with! It's a tool. Realism is a tool, and one that can absolutely enrich scenes and make them more interesting and fun to read.

And at the same time, something really does rub me the wrong way when I see posts that express contempt for a realism gap in fanfiction and imply that anyone writing it that way must be a) stupid, b) inexperienced (while kind of implying that writing about sex when you haven't had sex is inherently a problem, which I object to fundamentally), and c) completely unaware that what they're writing isn't realistic, which kind of points back to A. It's less on the nose than it would have been like ten years ago, when a lot more people were willing to just come right out and mock "stupid girls writing stupid fanfic" (and all the assumptions that go along with that) but still... that tone lingers. I won't even get into some of the smug posts that used to circulate about anal sex that ended up coming across as "don't you know anal sex is GROSS" in a way that was kind of lowkey homophobic, intentionally or not. Nor am I going to get into the prevalence of queer people telling other queer people they're doing queerness Wrong (in fanfiction, in original writing, in life in general).

To bring a personal angle to this, I'm a nearly-40-year-old bisexual cis woman, married and monogamous, chronically ill, and with some lifelong undefined sensory issues that I don't have any kind of diagnosis for so I'll just call them that. For me personally, due mostly to sensory issues and some physiological quirks, sex can take a lot of energy. Sometimes it's just a lot of work! That doesn't mean I don't want it or enjoy it, or that my partner is failing in some way; I have an active and fun sex life with a very thoughtful and caring partner (and I am not looking for advice on this post, so let's not get sidetracked). There's just challenges! And sometimes I wish my own body made it easier!

So sometimes, when I'm writing smut which is definitionally for fun and primarily for me and my own enjoyment, I find myself caught between: do I want to make this character's experience of sex very realistic in a way that's relatable to me? or do I just want to indulge in the fantasy of sex being easy and low-effort?

At this very moment I'm having difficulty answering that question about some things! There's pros and cons to both, and I don't think either one is wrong. Because at the end of the day, my own enjoyment is the goal of this piece of fiction. It's self-indulgence either way. No matter what I write, these pixel people I'm writing about are not real and their sex scenes are still a fantasy. It's just a question of what kind of fantasy I want to indulge in.

There was a good post I saw recently about the fact that a lot of problematic tropes are problematic not inherently but by scale--in other words, because their prevalence reinforces ideas and narratives harmful to specific groups. And I will be the first to acknowledge that even in the realm of fanfiction--a sphere with relatively low impact on the culture at large--it can be frustrating to constantly run into the same tropes that we find unrelatable or just plain unenjoyable, whether it's rigid top/bottom roles or easy vaginal orgasms. I don't want to come across as like, scolding anyone for just being annoyed, or venting about that sort of thing. It's fine. Some people's forms of self-indulgence are irritating to me, and my self-indulgence is undoubtedly annoying to someone else. I also want to reiterate that talking about what is and isn't realistic in the context of fiction is fine and good and there's absolutely a place for it, and that I enjoy a lot of elements of realism in fiction. I just also want to leave room for fiction to be fantasy. I think that's okay. And everyone's gauge for just how much realism is enjoyable is going to be different. I think that's fine too.