#I only use pictures by 1 photographer for the entire poem

[simmyfrobby]

Hi Simmyfrobby! I love your blog and am so curious about the person behind it because I have tried to make poetry edits and for me it gets old and I lose the will to live/motivation but you have been doing this for *checks notes* years? Curious about what it is about poetry edits that keeps you coming back for more.. 😘

i don't really have any deep & meaningful truths to share. i like telling stories. i like poetry. i like sports & sports photography. it really is that simple.

[houseofpurplestars]

I wanted to copy the text from this thread here for anyone who can't use twitter and also as a back-up should we lose the twitter thread. To see the thread with pictures, you can use this link:

Twitter thread text:

[Pictures in this thread are by Majd Arandas (1994-2023), a brave Palestinian photographer who captured everyday life in Gaza, where he was born in the Nuseirat refugee camp. Such gentleness destroyed by this ugly Israeli war]

Vijay Prashad

@vijayprashad

[Thread on the question of Hamas] Two things that require some consideration. 1. The demand by the warmongers that people who call for the ceasefire must condemn Hamas. 2. The strange framework adopted by the media that this is an Israel-Hamas war.

Form of struggle is not the issue for their critics: the real issue is that they struggle. Condemnation of Hamas is not what is demanded. What is demanded is a condemnation of the Palestinian struggle, which is not by itself coterminous with Hamas but in which Hamas is a part. Hamas was formed in 1987. The Naqba (Catastrophe) of the Palestinians took place in 1948. For 39 years, the Palestinians struggled for an end to the Permanent Naqba, for their land & for justice. Hamas (Islamic Resistance Movement) is only one flank of the Palestinian resistance.

For 75 years, Palestinians – through a range of means – have struggled to get their voice for justice heard. When they have used armed struggle, they've been criticised; when they've used non-violent struggle, they've been criticised.

The @IDF and the Israeli settlers have been killing and evicting Palestinians in the West Bank, where Hamas has minimal organization: but that violence in the West Bank, the permanent Naqba, is conducted now in the name of fighting ‘Hamas’.

There's simply no condemnation of Hamas that is not at the same time a condemnation of the Palestinian resistance.

It's been convenient for those who are against Palestinian emancipation to reduce the entire tradition of struggle to Hamas, to demonise Hamas, & then to effectively demonise the Palestinian resistance movement.

This is not an Israeli war on Hamas, but it is an Israeli war on the Palestinian resistance and on Palestinians in total. The dead are not Hamas, but they are killed in the name of an Israeli campaign to obliterate ‘Hamas’, which is the obliteration of the Palestinian people.

The bulldozers in northern Gaza are not to dig for the tunnels but to destroy Palestinian homes and make way for their expulsion.

8 years ago, I wrote, ‘Israeli occupation is a failure’ (https://newarab.com/opinion/occupation-cannot-hold-back-palestinians-forever). I meant that it cannot succeed in the completion of the Permanent Naqba. It will always produce Palestinian resistance.

You can yell ‘Hamas, Hamas’ as much as you want, but that scare tactic will no longer work. After the 2014 bombing of Gaza, I wrote this poem, called ‘What You Bomb’ (https://counterpunch.org/2014/07/22/what-you-bomb/).

The poem ends ends with this line:

‘What you bomb is not Hamas. It is Palestine. Not a dream, but a people. Not a refugee camp, but a country alive in its peoples’ hearts’.

Highly recommend this informative thread about Hamas and why zionists want you to condemn them:

"There's simply no condemnation of Hamas that is not at the same time a condemnation of the Palestinian resistance.

It's been convenient for those who are against Palestinian emancipation to reduce the entire tradition of struggle to Hamas, to demonise Hamas, & then to effectively demonise the Palestinian resistance movement."

[girlsluvbot]

MATCHMAKER pt.1

pairing: roseanne park × fem! reader

genre: fluff, angst

about:

matchmaker /ˈmatʃmeɪkə/

noun

a person who arranges marriages or initiates romantic relationships between others.

"an enthusiastic matchmaker who continually tried to pair off the difficult bachelor with unattached ladies"

a/n: i'm back!!! hehe this goddamn thing took so long to write, i both despise and adore it with every fibre of my being. enjoy my blood, sweat and tears in the form of a fic.

You loved your job. Very few people are lucky enough to be able to relate to that statement, and you were thankfully one of them. Hell, not only did you love your job, you were extremely good at it.

Since you were a little kid, writing nas always been your biggest passion. Wether it was writing short stories, poems or essays about the french revolution, you were always happy when you were able to put your feelings and thoughts onto paper. This was the main reason why you became the manager of your local newspaper during middle school, high school and eventually even university.

You've won multiple writing contests and even people who had no idea what your name was knew one thing about you: you were an amazing writer.

Years of practice, your impeccable set of skills and a recommendation letter from your university professor secured you a job at Vogue almost immediately. After all this hard work, you finally achieved everything you were looking for. You were truly happy.

Until this very moment.

"Well, I don't know," the woman sitting in front of you made a disgusted grimace, "it just lacks any emotion whatsoever. I've quite literally never read something so stiff and akward."

And here they were. The first words of criticism you have ever recieved. You were so used to everyone praising your work, you didn't know how to react or respond.

Three months ago, you would have never gotten into a similar situation: simply because there was nothing about your work to critize. But a lot has changed in the past few weeks, and not exactly in the good kind of way.

When you first joined Vogue, you were the head editor and journalist of the spread dedicated almost entirely to interviews. Thats what you did, talked to celebrities and wrote about them. And that's what you were good at, almost too good.

Just a year after working in the magazine you got promoted. You were still the head editor, but now of a completely different part of the journal: one dedicated to a single topic. Love. This was bad news, very bad news.

Why, you ask? The reason was fairly simple but no less embarrassing. Even as the head editor of a spread all about love, you've never experienced it yourself. In other words, you've never been in love. And how are you supposed to write about something you know nothing about?

Your boss looks at you and shakes her head. She reaches for the stack of papers on the table in front of her and starts reading, "For example; 'His lips brushed against mine. They were soft. The kiss was short but sweet. I loved it.' What the actual heck? I kiss my cat more passionately than this." she took off her glasses and started massaging the crook of her nose.

"Listen, Y/N, I've read your previous pieces and they were simply wonderful. But this? I don't even know what else to say without hurting your feelings."

"I'm so sorry. I know, it's just that I dont have much experience in said area." you don't finish the sentence, hoping she somehow gets the memo. She doesn't.

"What area?"

"Love. I dont have much experience with love." you blurt out the words that have been on your mind nonstop since the day of your promotion.

"Oh, you poor thing" she leans back in her chair, her eyes scanning your every move, "Isn't that unfortunate."

You nod your head slowly, trying not to get offended at her words full of pity.

"How are you supposed to write romance stories then? This won't work." the woman grabs a post-it note

"Are," your voice cracks in the middle of the sentence, "Are you firing me?"

"Are you crazy? Of course I'm not," she hands you the piece of paper with a phone number, "We just have to improvise for the time being. Do you know Roseanne Park? She's the manager of our Matchmaker spread. You can be her assistant for the next few months, help her around, learn a thing or two. Hopefully your writing wont be so...bland after."

To be completely honest, you didn't handle changes well. Maybe that's why you were standing in front of your new, and hopefully temporary, bosses office, trying to build up the courage to knock on her door.

One of the reasons why you were so nervous was that Roseanne Park, the manager of the Vogue Matchmaker was insanely attractive. Admittedly, you did some online stalking the night before- okay, a lot of it. Here's the thing; you were a planner. Whether it came to your career, writing or even relationships, you liked to beprepared.

That's why after a few hours spent on the internet, you knew everything. The name of her sister (Alice Park), if the had a pet (yes, a fish named Joohwangie) and who her favorite band was (The 1975).

You weren't usually like this, so head over heels for a girl you haven't even met. But your writing, the reason you were here in the first place, didn't usually suck so after all, some things really do change easily.

Just as you reached for the dark wooden door in front of you, it opened before your hand could even touch it's sleek surface.

"Oh!" the tall woman stopped in her tracks. Thanks to your thorough internet digging, you instantly recognized her. Roseanne Park. Your new boss. A 'matchmaker' if you will.

"You must be Y/N! I've heard that you're going to be my assistant for a bit." your cheeks heated up for no apparent reason. Did she know the reason why you got transferred here so quickly? Every molecule in your body wished and prayed to every possible god out there that she didn't.

"Yeah, that's me!" you finally composed yourself enough to speak, but that didn't mean your voice didn't sound like one of a twelve year old boy going through puberty- high pitched and squeaky.

You examined her face more in depth, and realized quite a few things:

She was somehow even prettier in real life. How? you had no idea. Some people just really won the genetics lottery, you thought.

Her hair was red. Like undeniably, undoubtedly red. In all of the pictures you found yesterday it was either brown or black, so this change caught you off guard. You couldn't complain though, because this girl looked like a hotter version of Ariel with a much better sense in fashion (and music).

"Have you been standing out here for too long?"

"Oh no, I just arrived." lying has never been so easy.

"Great! I'm gonna go downstairs to grab a package but you can look around the office while I'm gone," she opened the door a bit to let you walk in.

You did as she told you and entered the room. The door closed behind you without you noticing, the only thing you could focus on was this girl's office. It looked just like you would imagine heaven to look like- full of light, white furniture and expensive looking leather couches.

There were pictures everywhere: a dozen of four young girls (one of them being Roseanne), a few more of her with famous celebrities and one of a familiar looking face- her sister.

You carefully walked towards the table in the middle of the room, not wanting to damage anything. You noticed quite a bit of unexpected clutter, and above everything a print of the brand new Vogue issue. A woman on the cover flashed you a beautiful smile as you picked it up. The headline stated: Kim Jisoo talks acting, NYFW and love.

You flipped the glossy magazine pages to find the spread dedicated to said interview and noticed just what you were looking for: the author of the article. The credits at the bottom of the page revealed a nice surprise- Author; Roseanne Park.

"Well what do you think? Is it a good article?" your soul almost left your body when you realized who was standing next to you. You quickly put the magazine down, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to touch your stuff. I just saw the cover and..."

"Oh my gosh, are you kidding? That's completely okay, I don't mind." she pointed to the journal, "That interview is actually one of the favorite pieces I ever wrote, and not just because it's about Jisoo. Plus, my friend took the pictures, so it was extra fun." She opened the spread again and pointed to a name credited right next to hers, Photographer; Lalisa Manoban.

"Oh wow. I've seen her pictures before, they're really good. I with I could take photos like that. Seriously."

Here's one thing to note: when you're nervous, you ramble. Like a lot. Some people would say its better than staying silent, but let's be honest- it's like stepping into a puddle instead of mud. Not a disaster, but there's still plenty to complain about.

Thankfully, Roseanne only giggled, "I know exactly what you mean. I hope you'll get to work with her someday."

You both stared at the magazine spread for a second before Roseanne broke the silence.

"But now, let's get to bussines. Sit down please, this might take a while," she pointed tkwards one of the leather couches you noticed earlier and took a seat at the other side of the table.

"So, as you probably already know, my name is Roseanne Park. As a manager of Matchmaker, my job is to read these letters," she grabben a handful of papers for emphasis, "and respond to them, give advixe basically. The title 'Matchmaker' comes from the fact that the majority of the letters talk about love. Any questions so far?"

When you shook your head no, she continued, "As my assistant, your job is fairly simple. You're going to sort and read through the hundreds of letters I recieve weekly and pick the most interesting ones for me to feature. And occasionally, you might accompany me to a few interviews. Sounds good?"

You slowly nodded, processing all the new information. Letters, answers, interviews and a hot boss. That doesn't sound so bad.

"Great. So Y/N," she suddenly stood up, "Would you mind going with me to Subway? I'm starving."

By the time you were finished with lunch, you had a new point to add to your list of realizations about your new boss:

She loves food, and by loves I mean LOVES.

The moment you arrived at the restaurant, food was the only thing she would talk about. She told you about what she had for dinner and breakfast, what kind of snacks she hid in the office and what kind of salad she was getting alongside a baguette.

After she actually managed to get a bit of calories into her system (thanks to a foot-long chicken turkey sandwich) the conversation finally got more interesting.

Don't get me wrong, you could listen to this girl talk for hours, no matter the topic. But after listening to a thirty minute long monologue about why pineapple pizza is the best thing ever invented, even you have reached your limit.

"So," you start, in an effort to break the ice, "how long have you been working at Vogue?"

She squints at the toast in front of her, trying to remember, "About five years? Yeah, it's gonna be five years in May."

"Oh wow, that's impressive."

She tilts her head, "Is it? I mean, when you work as often as I do, time just goes by. I don't even remember the last time I went out with my friends to discuss something that wasn't work related."

You pout, regretting the choice to ask her about work.

"But at the same time, I love what I do so I can't really complain. What about you though? Why did you decide to become a journalist?"

"Oh, I started just a year ago. And I studied literature, so I guess becoming a journalist made sense."

"Why did you study literature then? There's so many other better paying jobs out there."

"I don't think anyone works in such a field for money, that's for sure," you try to lighten the atmosphere, "Well, my mom wanted to become a writer, but she got pregnant before she could finish her book and she's been pretty much busy ever since. I guess her love for books kind of rubbed off on me."

Roseanne nods, to let you know she's listening. "I'm glad you and your mom have such an important aspect of your lives in common. My mother wanted me to become a lawyer, I doubt she's ever read even a single fiction book in her entire life."

"What does she think about your job now?"

Her lips tighten and she crosses her arms. "I don't know. I haven't talked to her since," her eyes seem empty, their signature spark gone. You can tell you struck a nerve. "I haven't talked to her since I moved out."

"Well, I'm sure that she's proud of you," you can't help but add.

Rosie lets out a dry laugh, "You don't know my mother then," she slowly pushes her plate away, "I think I'm full so I'm gonna head back to the office."

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut. You learned this the hard way.

You head back after your lunch break ends, alone. Even though Roseanne walked you through everything she expects you to help around with, you know that your job doesn't start and end with sorting through letters.

You softly knock on the office door before heading in. She's already sitting there, behind her desk. Without looking up from her laptop, she scoffs, "You're late."

"It's just five minutes," you shrug, not taking her tone seriously. Finally, she raises her sight to meet yours. Even without her saying anything, you understand. Do not play around with fire.

You mumble an apology and quickly run to the small hallway at the other side of the room which leads to your own (significantly smaller) office.

"What makes you think I'm done?" Turning around, you notice that her eyes are piercing through your back. Unsure of what she expects you to do, you walk back in front of her.

"While you were out there doing god knows what for two hours," you resist the urge to roll your eyes, "I already did your job and sorted through the letters. You're welcome."

She walks around the table and pushes a thick stack of papers against your chest, "That means you'll be doing my job and write replies to them. Can you handle that?"

You try not to show her how terrified you are. You? Giving relationship advice? Sounds like a recipe for a royal disaster. Instead, you rise your chin and smile, "Yes ma'am."

She visibly winces at the formal title, but still nods and returns to her seat. You take this as a sign to head back to your spot and do your job. Well, her job for now.

You sit down calmly and shuffle through the papers, trying not to look too freaked out. What the heck are you going to do now?

A quick peek at your boss reveals that she's either busy with work or just flat out ignoring you.

Trying to remain collected, you pick out the top letter from the pile. The first paragraph reads:

Hi Rosie! I'm a huge fan of your Matchmaker spread :) I never thought I'd be the one writing you a message but here we are hahaha. (Let's hope this gets featured!)

You roll your eyes but continue reading,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for just about two months and I would describe our relationship as 'lowkey'. We first met at a bar a last year but we surprisingly didn't immediately hit it off.

With a raised eyebrow you skip over a page full of sappy descriptions and relationship stories, before getting to the end of the letter.

So what should I do? He's really sweet but I'm not sure if I'm ready to meet his family just yet.... please help! Love, Courtney.

You fold the paper back to it's original state with a quiet gulp. What on earth did you get yourself into?

[crackedoutgiraffe]

The Stars In Your Eyes

THIS IS PART 2 OF TO THE MOON AND BACK

Part 2: Chapter 1

A/N: I’m thinking of starting a one-shot “series” based off of songs, send me a message with any songs you want to see!

Warnings: Fluff

Word Count: 1,986

6/13/2015

The day of the wedding. You had spent the entire day getting ready and worrying. JJ made sure that everything was going off without a hitch while you got dolled up. 

Your makeup was natural, your hair was a curly half-up-half-down and jewels for decoration, and your dress was a floral and lace spaghetti strap gown. This was the wedding of your dreams. Reid had let you take creative control because he knew he��d love whatever you did.

By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia were all dressed in their blush bridesmaid dresses. JJ said that everything was ready downstairs and that the ceremony can begin. 

The four of you made your way down to the courtyard, “everything’s going to be fine,” JJ gave you a hug before making her way down the aisle. Reid was at the altar with your bridesmaids and Spencer’s groomsmen. 

“Are you ready?” Rossi said from behind you.

You took a deep breath, “I think so.” You found Henry who was holding his little basket of flower petals and Jack who had both the rings, “you guys are gonna kill it,” you knelt down and gave them both a high five before sending them down the aisle. 

Within a minute it was time for you to walk to your soon to be husband. You decided you wanted the pianist to play Canon in D major over the traditional Here comes the bride. 

The music started and you locked arms with Rossi. The two of you emerged from the bush you were hiding behind and started down the aisle. Your friends and family were standing and looking at you in awe but the only person you focused on was Reid. You felt the tears starting in your eyes and tried to hold them back. Reid was looking at you the same way he looked at you on your first date. The love you felt from just his gaze was enough to know everything was fine. 

You reached the altar and stopped to give Rossi a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “you look perfect,” he whispered into your ear. Reid had come down to meet you and bring you to the officiant. When you reached the officiant you turned and gave JJ your bouquet. 

“We are gathered here on this beautiful day to witness the union of Y/N and Spencer in holy matrimony,” the minister started. It sucked that you had to face the minister and you couldn’t look at Reid. “This is a day of great celebration, for married life - a shared life - is a great blessing. As Y/N and Spencer embark on this journey together they will be able to nurture a love that makes them better versions of themselves. Marriage is a garden we sow with love and harvest in personal growth. Y/N and Spencer, on your journey together, keep your spouse in the space of the highest priority in your heart. The love that you share must be guarded and cherished forever, for it is your most valuable treasure. Always remember these words; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. You have chosen to write your vows, and it is with these words you express your binding promises to love, honor, and cherish one another. If you are ready to make these promises to each other I invite you now to face each other and declare your intentions. Y/N when you’re ready you may begin,” he gestured to you. 

The two of you turned to face each other and JJ handed you a small sheet of paper. You opened it up and started to laugh a little bit, “Spencer, you are a million dreams and a million prayers of a little girl come true. You are kind. You are intelligent. You are resilient. Your laugh is contagious and you can put away an entire Baskin robbins ice cream like nobody else. You acknowledge my strength and accept my faults. You make me want to be a better person every day. I take you as you are today, tomorrow, and for eternity to come to be my husband. Even when the day comes that we’re old and gray, I promise to always see you with the same eyes and the same heart that I see you within this exact moment. I promise to dream with you, celebrate with you, and walk beside you through whatever life brings. I vow to laugh with you and to comfort you during times of joy and sorrow. I promise to always pursue you, fight for you, and to love you unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. You are my best friend and I’m the luckiest girl in the world that I can call you mine. I love you,” you were in tears by the time you finished, everyone else was too so it seemed. 

“Absolutely beautiful,” the minister nodded. “Spencer when you’re ready you may begin.”

“As you may notice I’m standing on the right. This tradition dates back to medieval times where the groom would stand on the right in case he needed to draw his sword and protect his bride. I may not be a knight in shining armor, but I stand here today ready to protect you from whatever life throws our way. I promise to always protect you from the evil in the world and to keep you safe. I promise to take you as you are and to love you every day. You are the best thing to happen to me in a while and I hope I never lose you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and thank you for being so patient. I love you,” you were both crying at this point, but the prospect of marrying your dream man was enough to keep you together.

“Thank you for sharing your vows with all of us. The rings you are about to place on each other's fingers are symbols of the love you expressed. They will remind you of the vows you have just spoken, and of the eternal love that you have for one another. Spencer, place the ring on Y/N's finger and repeat after me. As this ring encircles your finger,” the minister started.

Reid grabbed the ring from Morgan and your hand, “As this ring encircles your finger.”

“From this moment forward,” the minister continued.

“From this moment forward,” Spencer’s hands were shaking.

“So will my love forever encircle you.”

“So will my love forever encircle you,” you could see more tears in Spence’s eyes.

“You will never walk alone.”

“You will never walk alone.”

“My heart will be your shelter.”

“My heart will be your shelter.”

“My arms will be your home.”

“My arms will be your home.”

“We will walk through life as partners & best friends.”

“We will walk through life as partners & best friends,” Spence’s gaze made your soul ache.

“I promise to do my best to love, cherish, and accept you.”

“I promise to do my best to love, cherish, and accept you.”

“Just the way you are.”

“Just the way you are.”

“I give you my heart until the end of time.”

“I give you my heart until the end of time.”

“I have no greater gift to give.”

“I have no greater gift to give,” his voice broke with the last few words as he slid the ring on your finger.

“Now, Y/N, place the ring on Spencer's finger and repeat after me.”

You turned around to grab the ring from JJ and placed it on his finger. The minister started your turn. You stared into Reid’s eyes and repeated the beautiful words to him. Time seemed to be going a million miles an hour and stopped in place at the same time. It felt like your entire life was flashing before your eyes and like it was only you and Spencer in this moment. 

“By the power given to me by the American Marriage Ministries and by the State of Virginia,” the minister's voice broke you out of your trance, “I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride.”

You and Reid pulled each other into your most passionate kiss yet. The earth melted away as you kissed the love of your life and you felt as safe as the day he first held you in his arms. You felt indestructible. As long as you two were together there was nothing that could hurt you. 

The whoops and cheers from your friends and family came back to your mind as the kiss was broken. The smile on your face could never be wiped away. Reid pulled you into a hug and picked you up off the ground. His smile matched yours in terms of pure joy. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Reid!”

The two of you joined hands and made your way back up the aisle and to the small courtyard before the entrance to the reception hall. The rest of the guests made their way into the reception hall. 

Your photographer asked you to join your wedding party at the altar again for pictures. You took photos with your family, Reid’s family, and your team rather quickly. You could sense that Spence was just as excited to start partying as you were.

The group photos were finished with haste and then it was time for you and Spencer to take photos with just the two of you. The photographer made sure to go quickly and take some truly beautiful pictures. 

“Thank you,” you shook the photographer’s hand as you made your way to the banquet hall. When you walked in you saw JJ waving you over, “I'll be right back,” you gave your husband a kiss on the cheek and quickly made your way over to her.

“You ready to change?” JJ asked as you finally got to her.

You nodded, “yeah.” The two of you quickly made your way up the stairs and to your bridal suite. She helped you out of your gown and into a similar, but shorter, white dress. You made your way back downstairs to find Reid.

The rest of the special night went off without a hitch. Morgan and JJ gave beautiful speeches followed by Rossi with a special message. When it came time for the first dance, you and Reid were both overflowing with joy. During the dance, Reid whispered a poem into your ear. You recognized it as Istanbul #2461, widely considered the world’s oldest love poem.

It seemed everyone around you was having a blast. They were all dancing and letting loose. In your line of work, it was hard to find moments where you could just be happy and not have to worry about being blown up, poisoned, or shot. Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia made you dance with them, it had been a long time since they could all be together without one of them needing help.

As the night came to a close the dancing became rarer. When everyone left, Reid called a cab to take you back to the apartment. He was being a stickler about tradition so he insisted to carry you over the threshold. 

“If you’re sticking to tradition so closely,” you sighed as he set you down, “then you know what happens now.” you reached for his tie. He reached around and started to unzip your dress while simultaneously pushing you into the bedroom.

[sheliesshattered]

This Isn’t A Ghost Story extras for Chapter 7: The Museum

The penultimate chapter of This Isn’t A Ghost Story has been posted! It’s here on Tumblr and here on AO3. Lots of pictures, explanations, and a few spoilers below the cut. The extras follow the flow of the chapter, so it’s safe to follow along with this post as you read, if you like. 

Chapter 7 is named for and takes place in the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities in Cairo. This is the same location where Clara and the Doctor first met in 1921, as detailed in the journal entries in chapter 3 and some of Clara’s recovered memories in chapter 4. The museum was originally built in 1901, and besides a few modernizing improvements over the years, it hasn’t changed much since then. Here’s a postcard depicting the museum while it was being built:

And the museum as it appears today in modern Cairo:

The interior of the museum hasn’t changed much either, and a few of the larger artifacts haven’t even been moved since they were originally put in place for the opening in 1902.

Here’s a short walk-through video of both the entrance and the interior of the museum, showing what it looked like in 2017. The new Grand Egyptian Museum was supposed to open in the spring of 2020, but has been pushed back to at least 2021 because of the Covid-19 pandemic. For Ghost Story I decided to skip right over 2020 and assume that by May 2021, the original Cairo Museum will still be open to the public, whether or not GEM has finally opened.

Clara asks the Doctor if he remembers what she wore to that black-tie party in 1921, and I have to imagine it was something like her dress from Mummy On The Orient Express:

This amazing dress from 1925 is also a strong contender.

While the Cairo Museum doesn’t have a reproduction of the tomb of Thutmose III like I described in this chapter (and, in fact, until the new museum opens, the Cairo Museum is far too crowded with artifacts to be able to devote an entire room to Thutmose III), that specific burial chamber has been recreated at a museum in England, with stunning attention to detail:

Comparing it to the original tomb in the Valley of the Kings, you can see how accurately they’ve reproduced it: 

Clara comments on the star ceiling, photographed in the original tomb here:

Which, as the Doctor notes, is a common feature in a lot of 18th dynasty and other New Kingdom architecture, and in This Isn’t A Ghost Story connects directly with Clara’s star sapphire wedding ring:

Those of you who have followed me here on Tumblr the last few months may have heard me yell about the tomb of Thutmose III before, and in particular the art depicting the Amduat aka The Twelve Hours of the Night. What Clara describes as “stylised stick figures” is in fact what the walls of the burial chamber are absolutely covered in, and I cannot overstate my love for it. I mean:

I love this art style, possibly more than anything else in all of ancient Egyptian art. I love how stylized and timeless it is, I love that it’s used to tell a complex story that is part of an even more complex funerary tradition. I love the sweeping lines and tiny bits of shading, I love the little upturned toes of their shoes and the tiniest hint of hand shapes. I love their skinny little arms and skinny little legs, oh my god. The fact that this is a real 3500 year old work of art constantly boggles my mind.

The reproduction of the tomb of Thutmose III at Bolton’s museum in England also has a short video that retells the story of the Amduat in gorgeous stylized animation, following the recently deceased pharaoh as he joins Ra on his journey through the underworld to rebirth, if you would like a more complete idea of what the wall art is depicting. 

The Twelve Hours of the Night poem Clara quotes is credited to the poet William Ashbless, the less about whom is said the better. But if your curiosity compels you (and I certainly hope it does), I do highly recommend Tim Powers’ excellent novel The Anubis Gates. Tim Powers is possibly my all-time favorite author, and a huge influence on all of my writing. This Isn’t A Ghost Story is quite definitely the most Powers-esque thing I’ve ever written, and was probably influenced most specifically by The Anubis Gates, Declare, and The Stress of Her Regard. Finding a way to work in a subtle nod to both Ashbless and The Anubis Gates felt fitting and highly amusing to me.

My long-standing love for the Amduat was an early part of the development of this story, coming right on the heels of deciding to give the Doctor a background in Egyptology. I spent a fair part of mid-June digging into research on the Amduat, reading every little scrap about it that I could wring out of the internet. On June 19th -- three months ago this weekend -- all of that research quite suddenly solidified into this chapter, which at the time I figured would be chapter 6, before chapter 5 up and decided to split into two chapters.

Using the twelve hours of the night as the linchpin for the happy ending I wanted for these two really helped solidify and clarify my ideas about how the Doctor functioned as a ghost with regard to sunlight. The sunlight/darkness and day/night theme is really the backbone to the whole story, and is also echoed by the dichotomy of Clara’s wedding ring, which looks like a star in the night sky, but only when viewed in direct sunlight. All of that, from chapter 1 onward and even the story’s title, was leading to this moment, the twist at the end of this chapter.

I wrote the first draft of this chapter in basically one go, beginning to end, which is super unusual for me for any scene, much less an entire chapter. The first version was about 400 words shorter than the final version, and almost all of that growth was in the moment right after the Doctor starts feeling lightheaded. I wanted that sequence to have enough emotional weight, without tipping over into feeling like I was milking it for melodrama. While editing this chapter, Jack said that he thinks there will be a lot of wailing in the comments this week, and I’m very curious to see how that moment will go over for all of you.

Clara and the Doctor have so many exquisite moments of heartbreak in canon that I couldn’t help but borrow from them all heavily here. And as a writer who really enjoys eliciting emotion from the reader as well as communicating the emotions of the characters, I couldn’t resist the urge to make you, my lovely readers, think that I just might take this down the path of tragedy, even if only for a couple of paragraphs. I would say I’m sorry except that I’m really, really not. :D

We’re down to just one chapter to go now, an even shorter epilogue that grew out of some of the research I did for this chapter. I’ll be back next week with the behind the scenes details for that chapter, as well as a few things about the story as a whole, including the full timeline for Clara and the Doctor. 

Do you have any questions for me heading into the final chapter? Any behind the scenes details you’d like me to cover? Let me know! ❤️

--

Extras for Chapter 8: The Temple

[manggojooz]

Pick A Side (Part 2)

pairing: Taehyung x reader

word count: 1,735

genre: university!au; angst, it’s still angst; slice of life stuff

warnings: none

note: although it’s unplanned but this will now be a series (y) please support it lots.. and reblog if you like this series <3 

previous part: Part 1 

“But sometimes, when you choose not to pick a side, you have essentially picked a side.”

“What? How does that even make any sense?", his face was nothing but bewilderment.  

How do you even go about explaining this without sounding like you are making a mountain out of a molehill?  

“Y/N, I’m fine with girls being jealous and all but the one thing I cannot stand is you throwing a tantrum by threatening to break up with me. I don’t do this break up and get back together thing. If we are breaking up, it will be for good... so... are you sure? That we are worth less than this argument you had with Jihyun? Are you sure that you are prepared to give us up over something like this?”, he reasoned as if he was giving you a second chance to backpedal.  

“I’m trying to tell you that you have already picked your side, Taehyung, but if you don’t see it that way then fine, I’m telling you again... not everything has a middle ground. And this time, you have to choose one. So... will you be on my side?”, you threw the second chance card back at him.  

Taehyung was obviously annoyed by now, he looked nothing less than he was about to curse at your stupid insistence on this.  

“There’s no need to answer me anymore”, you shook your head in disappointment as you left.  

---

He was serious about what he said too. He never contacted you again after that night. You weren’t sure if he really was in your life this whole time. The only times you were sure you actually did date him were when you opened your chat with him and went through the old messages. If you were hurting this much, it must have happened, right?  

Needless to say, the news of the break up spread fast and furious, given Taehyung’s popularity, and so did the rumours as to the reasons why.  

Y/N is such a petty girlfriend. Y/N was jealous of Jihyun. Can’t Taehyung even have friends now just because he is dating Y/N? Taehyung deserves better... She’s so selfish...

There were so many, to the extent that even you became aware of them despite how ill-informed you usually were of the gossip around school.  

The first lesson you learnt from this was that giving in to someone becomes something taken for granted over time. Because you did it once, because you did it twice, you are expected to always do it. And when you choose to not do it, when you took a stand for yourself, you became the mean one, the selfish one, the petty one.  

“Oh please, who doesn’t share such videos nowadays, it’s even in the news. I heard Y/N was just being overly sensitive and got upset that Taehyung didn’t side with her.” You were sitting in a corner of the library trying to focus on the textbook in front of you when you overheard the conversation between two of your classmates behind the bookshelf that blocked them from seeing you there. The third time this week.  

Lesson two: the entire world would simply conclude that you were not worth supporting, because the one person that everyone presumed would or should have sided with you, chose not to.  

Not once did you try to clarify or defend yourself. How do you stand up against the rest of the world by yourself? Where do you even start? Who was going to listen to you? What is the point anymore?

When you believed that nobody would take your side, you too, have abandoned it.  

All that was left was your desperation and desire for the world to move on, to leave you alone.

---

And alone you were. You didn’t have many friends in school to begin with, the only few you had were closer to Taehyung than they were to you.  

Avoidance became a valuable skill. Good thing you didn’t share any common classes with him this semester but you still had to avoid him around school and you decided to stop going to the painting club. From what little you heard through the grape vines, he went about his activities as he normally would.  

Isn’t it usually the case that the one who was more blameworthy, ran away more? What have you done so wrong to be avoiding him like this?

---

Eventually, you worked up whatever courage you had left in you and decided to join a new club in school to prevent yourself from sinking into further lonesomeness.  

The people in the photography club were generally friendly to your pleasant surprise. You had been attracted to the club when you saw a wall full of photographs outside the club room. The club welcomed anyone to propose captions for the photographs and a few of them had post-it notes stuck to them; some captions were funny, some were sentimental, you found solace in reading all of them.  

Even though you did not attend club activities too regularly, you ultimately managed to produce a photograph you felt was worthy to be placed on the photo wall. You had gone to visit a friend near the countryside over the weekend and the lake that you passed by had already started to freeze over. In the morning fog rising in the dusk, it looked desolate and you were compelled to snap a picture of it.

Two days after you put up the photograph, you passed by the wall on your way to one of your classes. A yellow post-it note was stuck on the corner over the white sticker that had your name written on it. Someone had written a poem on the post-it:

“A thick ice has formed   Atop a winter lake on which I was thrown away   A thick ice has formed In the dream I shortly went into My agonizing phantom pain   Is still the same.”

You peeled the post-it off the photograph, peering at it and then at your photograph again. You finally had an inkling of why you avoided Taehyung to this extent.  

The one who was hurt more, runs away more. Because although you pretended like your wounds have frozen over, that everything was calm on top, you knew it was not all that frozen underneath.  

---

Finally the first semester ended, the winter break was exceptionally cold. And then it was the first week of the second semester of your sophomore year. You strolled into class very early, only a few seats were taken and per usual, you walked up the stairs all the way to the back of the small lecture room, picking a seat in the last row.  

There were two girls who came in after you, they sat down in the row right in front of you and started to take out their things when one of them whispered softly, “I heard Taehyung’s taking this class too...”  

“And so? You know he has a new girlfriend now right? Stop being so boy crazy...”

���It doesn’t hurt to have an eye candy in class”, the first girl giggled.  

You were not surprised you would eventually end up in a common class with Taehyung, it was inevitable given how small the arts faculty was in this school. What surprised you was how your heart pinched upon hearing that he has a new girlfriend. Has it still not been long enough?

It's about time though. For him to get a new girlfriend, for you to stop avoiding him, for everything to return to normal. Maybe seeing him together with his new girl would do the trick for you, you could only hope.  

“Is this seat taken?”, a sweet voice inquired. You looked up.  

He had a shy smile, and everything about him was tidy and neat. His simple white shirt was tucked into his light blue jeans, his hair was short and he styled his fringe up revealing his forehead, flaunting his impeccable features.  

“Umm... no... it’s not”, you answered, although you were still a little taken aback by the suddenness of the stranger’s approach.  

He widens his smile a little and puts his backpack down on the seat next to you, along the aisle. The classroom was starting to fill with people. “I’m, Haejoong”, he introduces himself as he sat down.  

“Oh... uh, hi, I’m Y/N. Are you new here?”, the question came out a bit too abruptly, but you couldn’t help but wonder why you never noticed him around before.  

“I major in film-making, it’s my first time taking a pure arts class, if that is what you mean”, he laughed while answering you.  

Just at that moment some guy at the front of the class squawked loudly, “Oh~~ here comes the campus couple!”  

Both Haejoong and you turned towards the front entrance of the classroom. Your heart stops a little seeing Taehyung walk in. His smile looked more captivating than you remembered it to be, reminding you of the times he used to smile and goof around with you. It was just because you haven’t seen him in such a long time. That was the best you could come up with to rationalise it to yourself.  

Taehyung almost immediately spots you, even though you were hidden behind rows and rows of other students. It was strange, how he was always able to see you even when you hid so far away from him. He sees you looking at him, and he momentarily contemplated letting go of the hand he held, but he eventually catches hold of himself. The hand he held slowly dragged him further into the room, his eyes only focusing on her now.    

The girls seated in front of you were quietly whispering something again, occasionally glancing back towards your direction. And this time you couldn’t hear them, perhaps you didn’t want to hear them.  

Haejoong notices when Taehyung stared at you, although it was short-lived, and he turns to look at you closely.  

You thought you had been alright, you thought you would be alright, even if you weren’t, you thought seeing him with his girlfriend now would finally force you to put it down.

You couldn’t have been more wrong, not when the girl who was now by his side is no other than Jihyun.  

How cruel of him... to answer your last question to him in this way.  

[sketch12artist]

Alptraum

3. Puss in Boots: Part One

Timothy stared at the empty space where Tsubasa had been. It seemed he would be alone in this, but somehow he still felt like those golden eyes were watching him. They were peering from the shadows, somewhere unseen, he was sure of it.

But what to do now? Exploring didn’t seem very appealing, not at all. Maybe he could stay in the foyer until the bet was over? That seemed safer than exploring.

Something moved from the corner of Timothy’s eye, and he turned to greet whatever had passed. Nothing was there, save for a candle and matches on a small table that he swore wasn’t there before. There was a piece of paper underneath the candle, and out of curiosity he approached and picked up the candle, matches dropped straight into the bag.

He unfolded the paper.

A crudely drawn map greeted him, crayon wax smudging onto his hand. There was the foyer, then two hallways on the left and right with some rooms filled in. It looked useful, but he didn’t plan on exploring—

Something leapt out at the boy, and he quickly backed away as the large rat missed its mark, instead landing on the table. It was the size of a horse, with milky eyes and long claws and a long, ropelike tail. It was sniffing the air, glistening nose twitching, looking for him. Could Timothy make it to a door? Maybe race upstairs?

The rat turned and started rushing straight towards him. Timothy bolted to the right, opening the oak door and slamming it behind him. The rat shrieked, then started scratching the door, unable to get inside.

That was way too close.

Timothy’s heart pounded in his chest as he caught his breath. What other horrors were here? First that creepy abyss, then Tsubasa, now this giant rat. . . . He would have to keep moving if he didn’t want to be caught.

Now that he had collected himself, he was startled to hear the notes of a piano in the air. Was someone else here? Trapped like he was? There was safety in numbers, after all.

His hands fumbled with the map before he could read it clearly. There was a music room drawn on, just around the corner. It was the second door up that hallway. Good. He would have help soon.

The music got louder and louder as he approached, covering up the sound of his shoes scuffing the carpet. There were other rooms, but he didn’t care about them. All that mattered was the potential person in the Music Room.

When Timothy finally reached the door to the room, he grinned and opened it expecting to see someone inside. Instead, the room was dark and Timothy could barely make out the figure of a woman at the piano. The piano keys started to be played horridly, as if someone was having a temper tantrum, then Timothy was unceremoniously tossed out into the hallway. The Music Room door was now locked.

Now what?

Timothy retraced his steps, trying the other doors. Those were all locked save for the living room. Since he didn’t have any inclination to go back into the foyer, this was the only place he could go.

The candle flame flickered in the dimly lit room as he moved forward. Timothy set it onto a nearby drawer as he took out the matches, relighting the candle. There, now it was brighter. He could see the rest of the room better now. It didn’t seem particularly lively.

Two bookshelves were crammed against the wall in the left corner facing him, gaudy pictures covering the wall next to them. A single sofa was facing the coffee table in the middle of the room. A window was on the wall facing Timothy as well, towards the right side. For such a large space, Timothy had expected more out of it.

A few pieces of paper on the coffee table caught his eye, so he sat on the sofa and picked them up. They were carelessly tied together, messy scribbles on them. On the top of the first page, the words Puss in Boots were written in black crayon.

Puss in Boots

‘There lived an ordinary family a long, long time ago.

When the father passed away, he left a house behind to his children.

He left the mill to the eldest, and a mule to the second oldest.

The youngest was left nothing but the cat on the farm.

“I guess I can only skin you and take your fur to the market.”

The youngest had run out of money.

The cat spoke hastily when it heard these words,

“Please, don’t do that. I will repay you in kind if you show me kindness and give me a pair of shoes.”

The youngest was curious and begged a pair of old boots off a passing cobbler.

The cat, now shod in boots, followed the youngest to town.

The town keeper refused to open the gate when it started to rain that night.

Crunch crunch crunch

The cat in boots ate the town keeper.

The youngest changed into warm clothes and spent the night in comfort.’

. . . .

The rest of the pages were missing. Timothy pouted at the cliffhanger, wanting to know how the story ended. But he was also confused. Who had left this here?

“Meow!”

Timothy turned and was soon face to face with the cat from before. Both cat and boy stared at each other, until the cat ran off into the hallway.

Weird.

There were still more things to do, so Timothy stood up to see what the bookshelves had in them. He opened up one of the books:

‘Only one person is listening

A young and beautiful girl

Who is that person?

Who?

Who?

Who is that person?

Just an old man’

Boring. What a stupid poem.

A brief glance outside the window revealed a small fountain bathed in sunlight, a small garden surrounding it. It almost seemed like it was midday out there, but that couldn’t be possible. It hadn’t been midday when he looked out of a window earlier, not that he was able to tell what time it was with how fake it looked. Besides, it had been raining and it was supposed to rain for the entire day.

There was nothing else to do in here, so Timothy let out a frustrated huff and turned to leave, but not before a photograph suddenly fell off the wall, breaking the frame. Now he was staring dumbfounded at a note that had been hidden inside. Picking it up, Timothy couldn’t help but wonder if someone was really helping him, or if it had just been sheer luck that caused the picture to fall. It was an old house, after all.

On it, he could make out something:

A B C K

1 2 3 4

Was this some sort of code? If so, what for? Why were the letters and numbers colored with different crayons?

Either way, it could come in handy later on. Maybe it could help him solve a riddle of sorts, or open a lock.

Timothy noticed that the giant rat had gone quiet as soon as he stepped out of the living room. Had it tired? Had it given up, or was it waiting for him just outside the range of his candle? He couldn’t tell.

Something clinked underneath his shoe, and he looked down to see a key on the floor. An uneasy feeling started to form in his stomach, but he still picked it up. The label on it read “Left Corridor on First Floor”, a hint of where to go next. Someone was leaving breadcrumbs for Timothy, but he wasn’t sure who, or what their intentions were. Again he felt like those gold eyes were watching from somewhere unseen.

With a deep breath he opened the door and stepped back into the foyer.

Nothing. No large rat, no milky eyes staring at him, no teeth buried in his throat. It was quiet.

Timothy waited, then decided that he needed to throw something. If the rat was nearby, surely it would move to investigate the source of the noise. But what to throw. . . .

A small piece of chocolate was in his hand, and with a quick flick of his wrist it flew and landed right in the middle of the room. It didn’t make much noise, but Timothy doubted that the rat could resist the pull of sweet chocolate. After a few minutes of waiting and still no sign of the rat, he quickly darted across the foyer and unlocked the left door, shutting it tight behind him.

The fact that he couldn’t locate the giant rat made Timothy feel jumpy. It was the size of a horse, and yet he couldn’t find it. How could something so big hide so well?

The left hallway was a copy of the right, just with different rooms. On the first door he saw a poem taped on: A sparkling exterior shines but for a moment, only internal beauty will endure the ages. It didn’t open, and Timothy sighed, boredly popping a piece of chocolate into his mouth before he continued down the hall.

The other door was locked, and the hallway ended after rounding the corner to a door leading outside. It was nighttime when he peered out this time. Timothy wondered if the right hallway had a door leading outside as well.

As Timothy was about to leave the hallway, the door with the poem suddenly opened. A shiver ran down his back as he entered the room, with its large table covered in papers and a few bookshelves against the right wall.

First things first, check the bookshelves. There weren’t many interesting books, save for one: The Interpretation of Dreams. The page he opened up to was about people that appeared in dreams.

“A person’s mind will not simply create new faces. We have previously met all those we have seen in dreams, but we may have simply forgotten about them.”

Timothy placed the book back on the shelf. The information was interesting, but utterly useless in a practical sense.

The other bookshelves held nothing of interest, save for the third.

Bedtime Tales

‘I asked my brother to store my eyes in the glass jar because it was scary at night. There aren’t any lights.’

What sort of bedtime tale is that? Doesn’t sound appropriate for children.

Timothy’s eyes were soon drawn to a large safe sitting next to a fireplace. On top of it was a piece of paper.

B+C=[]

B+K=[]

A+K=[]

A+B=[]

Timothy quickly took the code paper out of his bag.

A B C K

1 2 3 4

He examined it closely, thinking carefully about what it could mean. It was strange that each letter and number, save for ‘K’ and ‘4’, had a different color, unless that was what mattered instead of the letters and numbers themselves. . . .

Oh! It was like a color wheel, and since three letters were primary colors and three numbers were secondary colors, then adding the letters would give him the combination!

So that meant B+C was 2, since blue and yellow created green. That meant B+K was 4, because any color added to black just made it tinted black, same with A+K. And A+B was 1,because red and blue created purple.

Timothy tried his combination, carefully turning the combination lock so that it aligned with his findings. 2441. That was the combination. He held his breath as the safe clicked, then attempted to open it. The door creaked on unused hinges, and Timothy grinned triumphantly.

Inside lay a piece of paper and a small set of keys. Unfolding the paper revealed a map for the second floor, but it only had three rooms marked: the room he’d woken up in, the gallery, and Kagome’s Room.

Who was Kagome?

The set of keys was clearly more interesting. How many doors could he unlock? There were only five keys on the ring, but maybe one or more of them could open multiple doors.

Now for the table. Most of it was some sort of adult talk, stuff like ‘patent’ and ‘repercussions’, but there was another part of the Puss in Boots story tangled among them. Timothy eagerly picked up the pages.

‘The youngest fell in love with the princess warbling outside the window.

But the town castle door was locked and guarded by a monstrous rat.’

Monstrous rat? Like the one he’d seen before?

“Meow!”

The cat was back.

Both boy and cat stared at each other and in that silence they came to an understanding. It was hard to describe how they did it, but for Timothy it was akin to finding a kind soul.

The cat followed him out of the room, keeping silent vigil behind him. At least it would keep the rat at bay. All rats, even big, horse-sized ones, were scared of cats.

A grandfather clock in the distance suddenly began to chime. One, two, three, four. Four o’clock? First it was midday, then nighttime, now four? What was wrong with this place?

Either way, heading upstairs seemed to be his next step, if the new map he got with the keys was any indication.

The cat followed Timothy upstairs, not even slightly repulsed by the jarring record that started playing from somewhere unseen.

“Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf. . . .” Despite everything, Timothy sung a little of the opening line before stopping, self conscious about his voice even if his audience was a cat.

To the right, the song grew louder as soon as Timothy encountered the first door. It was locked, with a strange flap on it. A pit of dread formed quickly in his stomach as soon as he saw it.

“Who’s there?” The flap suddenly opened, revealing a single red eye of a mask peeking through. It was a boy’s voice, older than Timothy but not a young man.

Someone is. . . Timothy was interrupted by running footsteps behind the door, as if the other boy had decided to hide. The door was still locked. There wasn’t any hole for a key to go in, so it must lock from the inside.

Then he heard more footsteps, and the flap opened up once more. “Who’s there?”

That’s what I wanted to ask! Despite inwardly pouting, Timothy was still polite. “I’m Timothy—“

“Huh? Who’s that?” An identical voice came from another boy inside, pushing the red-eye one out of the way. The mask was blindfolded.

“Who is it?” Another boy asked, still having the same voice as his siblings.

Timothy queried, “I came in by accident, do you—?”

“Weird people can’t come in.”

“Who is it?”

“Can’t come in.”

“We’re having a very important party,” the red-eye one boasted, “Weird people can’t come in.”

“You have to have manners!”

“Do you want to come in?” The blindfold one giggled.

“Why don’t you look at yourself first?” The third teased. “Kagome always dressed nicely.”

That name again? Who was Kagome?

“Do you want to see her? Then let her in.” The boys were completely ignoring Timothy now.

“No, we can’t.”

“He can’t wear that thing to a party.”

Some laughter, then the red-eye focused its attention to Timothy. “You hear that? At least change out of that ugly suit!”

Then the flap shut. No matter how many times he knocked, no one answered.

Timothy continued down the hallway, unlocking the door nearby. Instead of a room, it was a sort of rectangular overhang, overlooking the living room. A white rail prevented anyone from falling. There was a door on the side he was facing, so Timothy walked along the overhang until he reached the door, unlocking this one as well.

The first thing he saw was a painting of the Virgin Mary. She was holding a baby with only a body and no head. To the left of that was a coffee table, two couches on either side, and a book on the wooden surface. Timothy sat on a couch and picked it up, opening the grey cover. The cat simply watched right next to him.

25. Oktober

Grounded today.

May be grounded all winter, mother is very angry.

28. Oktober

Siebel comes everyday.

It’s not necessary, but it seems that Brother asked Siebel to do this.

31. Oktober

It started snowing early this year.

Keep snowing and just bury this place.

[anthonyjoesison]

Makers of Music

“To the makers of music - all worlds, all times.”

-The Voyager Golden Records

This blog post is not a formal or argumentative essay (which I would expect to be the dominant essay type in the upcoming weeks). Rather, this is an exercise in meditation. 

I can’t sleep. Why?

I’ve been working on a short film for the past few days. My OCD and unwillingness to share anything short of perfection (yes, I am unapologetically anal about putting any piece of writing, video, etc. out into the public that isn’t the absolute best I have to give) has turned a project that was intended to be enjoyable and self-reflective into a stress-inducing and time-consuming commitment. 

So I can’t sleep because I have an urge to return to my laptop and continue to narrate, film and edit. But I also can’t sleep because I can’t help but lay awake pondering the self-imposed questions I will have to answer if I want to see this short-film come to life.

I’ve taken to Tumblr because if I told my friends I couldn’t sleep, they’d assume a worst case scenario (which would typically be the aptly titled “Sad Boy Hours”) and if I told my parents I’d reinforce their concerns that I worry too much (which candidly, I do).

I wish not to reveal anything unnecessary of the short film, but I do find it appropriate to share the questions that I lie awake pondering.

If you had to choose the pictures, videos, sounds, poems, books, paintings, music, and knowledge that best represent you, what would you choose?

To some the question requires little to no hesitation. To others it is unanswerable, if among many reasons it is because it leads to many more questions and dilemmas. I am unsurprisingly a member of the latter.

How can you craft a fair representation of your past self…your future self? Do they not share equal fragments in your whole existence? Likewise, would you choose the pieces that exemplify your imperfect self? Or would you wish to only share representations of your ideal self?

The aforementioned question and the many that follow it are at the heart of what I seek to tap into through the course of this short film and is inspired by my favorite story of human finitude: the Voyager Program.

Briefly, the Voyager Program was a project by NASA that launched two space probes, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2, in August and September of 1977. The Voyager’s central mission was the flyby and scientific observations of the outer planets (and their respective moons, rings, etc.) of our Solar System.

The mission was successful in sending back hundreds of important measurements, data points, and photographs (perhaps most famously, is the Pale Blue Dot photograph that captures Earth as indeed a “pale blue dot” amidst the vast emptiness of space). Beyond this already exceptional body of work, NASA had the foresight that upon completion of the central mission, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 would not cease drifting into interstellar space. 

Thus, NASA appointed Dr. Carl Sagan as the chair of a committee that was tasked with creating a time capsule to represent humanity in the event that either Voyagers would be intercepted by intelligent, extraterrestrial life.

The result of Dr. Sagan and Co.’s efforts? The Golden Record. A collection of 115 images, 90 minutes of humanity’s greatest music, a plethora of Earth’s natural sounds, and human greetings in over 55 languages, all pressed onto a 12” gold-plated copper disk (complete with incredibly meticulous and well-thought instructions for playback).

I have gone over how difficult it would be to choose the creative media to represent just ourselves as individuals. Can one bring themself to imagine the unprecedented challenge that Dr. Sagan’s team faced?

Presiding over the entire project must’ve been the reality that it is improbable that such extraterrestrial life exists that hears, sees, and processes information in human-like manner. Further, one would imagine there must have been increasing pressure to include (and exclude) the appropriate facets of the human experience and the pinnacles of human creativity, in an ethical and responsible manner.

However, this wasn’t the case. In an article for the New Yorker in August of 2017, Timothy Ferris, producer of the Golden Record, reflects with fondness. In detailing the experience of selecting humanity’s music, Ferris writes: “We’d comb through all this music individually, then meet and go over our nominees in long discussions stretching into the night. It was exhausting, involving, utterly delightful work.” Sounds a lot like the late night music sessions I’d have with my friends.

It would dishearten me if my description of creating a short film and a Golden Record for my own life (“stress inducing” and “time consuming”) were taken out of context. While Dr. Sagan and Timothy Ferris worked in the face of bureaucratic deadlines and regulation, they did their job with a passion and care that is metaphorically represented in the enduring life of the records. (The records are expected to remain playable for over a billion years).

I work with no boss other than myself. As a good friend once reminded me, “You’re your own worst critic”. My project is stressful and time-consuming because I, like almost every human being before me has and every human being after me will, look towards the night sky with awe, asking in silence more questions about the meaning and purpose of one’s place and existence in the universe as we know it.

I am not exceptional. (One of my favorite college essays I wrote was for the University of Washington, detailing a trip to Yosemite National Park which doubled as the first time I had ever seen the night sky proper). When compared to the infinitude of space, our physical and temporal limitations are baffling. 

While I don’t believe that this project will convince me otherwise, I am not appealing to the anti-humanists in the crowd. The uncompromising reality of a universe indifferent to the wishes of men must not be made analogous to remarks similar to philosopher John Gray’s in his 2003 book Straw Dogs: “If we speak of the history of the human species at all, it is only to signify the unknowable sum of these lives. As with other animals, some lives are happy, others are wretched. None has a meaning beyond itself.” 

This is crucial because the Voyagers and Golden Records (and to a significantly smaller scale my short film and construction of a time capsule of my own) are exemplary of the very best in human nature. Humans at their best are curious, self-reflective, and wish to see new horizons. As Carl Sagan himself noted: “The launching of this bottle (Voyagers 1 and 2) into the cosmic ocean says something very hopeful about life on this planet."

Some may denounce time pondering the Voyager Program in the midst of the challenges we the human species face as wasted time. One may reference not only the global pandemic, but a difficult grappling with issues of race within the United State (where I write this), the blatant neglect for the Earth’s climate and natural resources, and rising xenophobia throughout even the world’s most developed countries.

In response, I feel a need to share that I too am acutely aware of the hardships we face. I recently read Richard Haas’ The World: A Brief Introduction (Think of the book as an Introduction to Foreign Policy/Globalization for Dummies). Each chapter ended with a section titled “Looking Ahead” in which he summarized the future prospects of the region, development, etc. Reading that book left me existential angst, for almost every chapter concluded with dreadful prospects for the future of humanity.

However, let us remember the message attached to Voyager 1 by then United State’s President Jimmy Carter. It reads: “This is a present from a small distant world, a token of our sounds, our science, our images, our music, our thoughts, and our feelings. We are attempting to survive our time so we may live into yours. We hope someday, having solved the problems we face, to join a community of galactic civilizations. This record represents our hope and our determination, and our good will in a vast and awesome universe.” 

Perhaps, in our most intimate moments when we acquaint ourselves with our uncertainty over the meaning and purpose of our existence, we may remind ourselves that like Voyager, we too are stewards to the future of humanity. And like Voyager, we too are encouraged to observe and remember the awesome music, sounds, peoples, places, and knowledge along the way.

-Joe Sison (July 4th, 2020)

[kenkamishiro]

zakki:re translations Part 1 (pg. 10-29, Vol. 1-2 illustrations)

Hello and welcome to the zakki:re translations post! It took a bit of time to think about how I’d have to structure these translations, but I’ve figured it out for the most part.

What this series of posts will be is a text translation of Ishida’s comments accompanied by the art he’s referring to (the actual art itself that’s been available online, not a picture taken from zakki:re. It’ll make more sense once you start going through the post, I promise). It will also include some commentary from me for some additional context, which will be marked as “T/N” for “translator notes”.

What this will NOT include are photographs of the book. If I take pictures of the book, they will be contained in a different post since I don’t want the translations posts to be more cluttered than they already are. I also won’t include any illustrations that don’t have commentary attached to them unless they’re somehow relevant to it.

They will be posted every 1-2 days depending on my schedule, and have roughly 10 pieces of commentary each which I found was a good length.

And lastly, some terminology before I begin. TG = Tokyo Ghoul (overall, like the fandom tag), OG = the first Tokyo Ghoul series, :re = Tokyo Ghoul:re.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy!

[T/N: This illustration was a magazine cover that included the blurb, "Justice has now been commenced." Presented this way since this is how it appears in zakki:re.]

zakki:re has now begun. Just like zakki, the comments on the paintings and such will be referred to as accordingly. I hope you enjoy.

This is the first cover on which :re began.

It gives off a certain vibe, hence the "Justice, commence!" blurb. At least that's probably what my editor thought.

I thought at the time that I was seriously going to fail to hand in my manuscript in time. It almost became, “Justice, commence (starting next week)!”

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Cover illustration

Volumes 1-4 of :re were prefaced with colour pages. Hinami was a member of Aogiri Tree, and Kanae was distressed over Tsukiyama.

Shirazu’s character looks kinda dangerous here for some reason, doesn’t he?

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Opening colour page

An image of a sky, as if it’s connected to the sky from the last chapter of OG. A certain three people from the final chapter are also standing here.

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Opening colour page

The cover illustration for volume 1 of :re. I used up all my energy drawing Haise. But he turned out quite well, don’t you think? He’s holding a Kitahara Hakushuu book in his hand.

I thought I should draw the story from the CCG perspective, so I introduced the character known as Sasaki Haise, an investigator who is a half-ghoul.

Before :re began I also created the Qs characters all at once for the shock factor. I took a break in between OG and :re, but it was only 3 weeks if I recall. I remember at the time I was working on the setting and drawing, so I ended up busier than usual during that writing period.

When OG ended, one of the staff asked, “Is it really over?” in confusion, and I answered, “Yeah, it’s really over.” It wasn’t really a lie since it was OG that had ended.

2014, Volume 1, Cover illustration

[T/N: The quality of this illustration isn’t good since I took it from the table of contents in Volume 1. But the neat thing is in zakki:re, the quality is so good that you can clearly read the words in the book that Haise is reading. Right now he’s reading Hakushuu’s poem “Blue Dragonfly.”]

Ui-kun has risen the ranks. Looks like he’s gone through a lot.

2014, Volume 1, Frontispiece

The exterior of the pinup, I think. From the series of mysterious outfits. Seems it’s based off a military uniform?

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Special long pinup

This is an illustration I drew using CLIP STUDIO. I’ve always used Sai for drawing, but when I was drawing the ending cards for the 2nd season of the OG anime (the ones that moved along with amazarashi’s “Seasons Die One After Another”), I decided to try drawing using CLIP STUDIO on a whim, and I kept using it for a while. Later I also drew the Trump card illustrations using CLIP STUDIO. I don’t use it anymore but looking back, the end product has a really distinct look to it, which makes me wonder if I should try using this program again...

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Issue no. 12, Cover illustration

[T/N: Couldn’t find the raw version of this illustration. This page was scanned by Imperial Scans (RIP).]

At the time it seems I pressed my editor, “What’s ‘On Christmas Eve the Qs bell is ringing’ supposed to mean?” for answers. But hey, doesn’t “Qs bell” sound kinda cool?

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 4~5, Center colour illustration

[T/N: Not completely raw, but close enough. Scan for this illustration done by Twisted Hel Scans (also RIP).]

You’ve probably realized it by now, but the opening pages and the center colour illustrations from the YJ magazines were printed as they originally were back then.

Since the magazine design would be lost for those who didn’t buy the magazine back then, it would’ve been a shame since L.S.D. (the design company) worked extremely hard to make it look good. I also think the blurbs that my editor came up can be considered a work of their own (such as ‘Qs bell’).

Of course, I’m sure there are people who want to see the paintings in their original state. I felt the same way which was why I was conflicted about it, but I’ve accepted it in this form for this time.

The volume illustrations and the magazine illustrations have been arranged in chronological order as much as possible. I hope you can enjoy it together with the circumstances of my editor’s work.

If I ever get another opportunity, I’d like to have an art book with just illustrations only.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Opening colour page

[T/N: The version of this illustration in zakki:re doesn’t include any text.]

Colour pinup from the appendix of YJ magazine. I added in Scarecrow who hadn’t appeared in the story yet (I didn’t know when I would add him in). I had fun drawing the 4 people above. I really like Nutcracker in particular.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Special long pinup

The character popularity poll illustration contest (I think it was with Nico Nico Seiga). I drew some shikishi and gave them as gifts to those who submitted illustrations. This illustration itself feels nostalgic.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Issue no. 12, Opening colour page

[T/N: Updated with HQ scans from TG_Hub. Thank you!]

The cover of :re volume 2 featuring Touka.

I chose something relaxing for the off-centre composition while still following the general flow of the OG volume, conveying that she has become more cunning. A reference to "zakki", so it'd be great if you could compare between the two.

Haise looks good in shades of brown.

This is the interior of the Chateau where the Qs resided, and it was designed by a good friend who I’ll call J-chan. A luxury home with the Qs’ bedrooms, common room, kitchen, Haise’s room, and the training room, fully furnished. I got the data from him so that I could preview it and look around in 3-D, so I included it in the instructions for drawing the backdrop as a reference. Thanks!

[T/N: If you want to see the comparison to OG zakki, click here. Also, the Qs chateau that Ishida’s friend designed...is ripped from The Sims 4. No, I’m not kidding.]

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Volume 2 cover

I took a bunch of my scribbles and reused them for the colour pages in the volume.

At the very beginning I drew Mucchan (Mutsuki Tooru), and moved on to other characters from there. As Saiko hadn't appeared in the story yet, her face isn't shown here. "Saiko absolutely won't show up for an entire volume," was my iron will.

2015, Volume 2, Frontispiece

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[entwinedmoon]

John Torrington: Redshirt

(Previous posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

“I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove the situation is serious.”

–Guy Fleegman, Galaxy Quest

After the exhumations of Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine, and the subsequent publication of Frozen in Time, there was a fresh wave of literature inspired by the photographs and findings from Beechey Island. Novels, short stories, and poems either attempted to recreate what had happened to the expedition according to the latest findings or incorporated this new information in some other way. Some feature Torrington, while some just use certain aspects of the findings, such as the remarkable level of preservation or the lead poisoning theory.

I have read only a handful of the many literary works about the Franklin Expedition that have been published since the exhumations on Beechey Island, so I can’t speak for every novel, poem, or other form of literary composition that has come out since then. For the purposes of this post I decided to focus only on works that feature Torrington himself, and even then, I haven’t had a chance to read every work that does. There may be some that have a completely different take on the story and depict Torrington in a way not seen in the works that I will be discussing, but those will have to wait for another day. For this post I can only focus on the fraction of Franklin-related literature that I have been able to read so far, and if I leave out something that people think is a must-read, I apologize. But feel free to let me know what it is, because I love reading new interpretations of the expedition’s story.

(Unless you’re here to tell me about the Marvel comics character Pestilence, a supervillain who is actually Francis Crozier, preserved in ice for over a hundred years. He’s still alive but he’s gone mad and has magic for some reason. And he can possess other people. Pestilence was first introduced in 1986, and yes, him being frozen in ice was obviously inspired by the exhumation of Torrington. Now, let’s never speak of this again.)

I’m going to start with the various novels that have attempted to tell the story of the Franklin Expedition. FYI, there will be some spoilers, but mostly the spoilers will be about Torrington and other crewmembers dying, which shouldn’t really be a spoiler at this point.

Before I get into the specific books, though, I’ve noticed that there are certain themes in many of these stories, particularly involving Torrington. As his illness and death is a known point during the timeline of the expedition, he inevitably gets a mention in many of these works, but since he died so early in the expedition, he rarely has a major role in the overall story. Not only that, Torrington’s characterization is typically absent altogether. He’s generally depicted as a variant of the Victorian waif—pale and thin and doomed to die—and rarely does he get any dialogue or development. He’s first blood, a harbinger of things to come, but almost never a character on his own. He’s simply there to die, like a redshirt in Star Trek.

I have often flipped through books to see where Torrington comes in, wondering if he’ll be given something to do before he passes, and more often than not I have been disappointed. His death is always included because we know he died, and if it were left out it could be seen as callous at worst or inaccurate at best, yet his inclusion sometimes feels more like the author simply checking something off a checklist. Enters Lancaster Sound, check; winters at Beechey Island, check; Torrington dies, check. Sometimes there might be a funeral, where the main characters speak of Torrington as if he’s been there the entire time and wasn’t just first mentioned only two paragraphs ago, perhaps with Franklin orating the first of many eulogies (“We have lost one of our own today, a fine sailor named John [looks at smudged writing on his hand] Turlington…”).

But one thing that Torrington usually gets is a brief mention of his burial clothes. Since we know what he looks like in death, there’s often a description of him in his coffin, perhaps a mention of his youth, small stature, and wasted appearance. His illness usually gets a mention too—and sometimes he gets berated postmortem for going to sea while sick.

Of course, since Torrington dies only seven months into the expedition, it’s not surprising that he doesn’t have much to do in most stories, but I do wish he could at least have a little more of a role before taking his final bow. It would make his death more meaningful if he was a known character and not just a name in a long list of people who are about to die.

For a deeper dive into how Torrington is typically depicted in novels about the Franklin Expedition, I’m going to start with the most mainstream of the books I’ve read—and also the most inaccurate. That would be The Terror by Dan Simmons, a story that posits what if, rather than starvation, scurvy, illness, and lead poisoning killing off the crew, there was also an evil magical bear bent on their destruction. The book was recently adapted into a television series on AMC, and I watched the show first. I loved the show—it was very well done, despite the evil bear—so I read the book. The book…well, it had some good parts to it, but also some incredibly ridiculous parts and some incredibly offensives ones too. I won’t get into a full review of the book, though—I’m just here for Torrington.

Torrington doesn’t get mentioned until his death in The Terror. In fact, the sentence introducing him is “John Torrington, stoker on HMS Terror, died early this morning.” His slow decline from consumption is described, while also saying that he had obviously been in the advanced stages of the disease when he signed up for the expedition. There’s an aside about how ironic it is that Torrington’s doctor had told him going to sea would be good for his health, something that isn’t based on a known fact about Torrington, but getting away from Manchester and into fresh air may have been part of Torrington’s intent when signing up. Judging by the state of his lungs, he probably had difficulty breathing in the thick smoke of industrial Manchester, so it’s not so far-fetched to think he may have wanted a change of scenery to improve his health.

The dressing of his body for burial, descriptions of the clothes and bindings we know so well from the exhumation pictures, and a brief recap of his funeral get described in just a few pages. The image of him in his striped shirt sticks out in the memory of Dr. Goodsir (who is writing this down in his diary), an image that anyone who is familiar with the Franklin Expedition would know very well. But that’s about it for Torrington in this book. His name does pop up a few more times, though, because Captain Crozier has a habit of going over the names of the dead to himself, assessing how many men he has lost at different points throughout the book. Torrington as part of a list of the dead is mostly how we see him in The Terror.

In the TV adaptation, Torrington doesn’t appear at all, because the show picks up after the ships have left Beechey. The men who died at Beechey are mentioned a few times, usually as a group—referred to as “the men on Beechey” or some variation of that—with only John Hartnell being mentioned by name. Torrington, however, does get a visual sort of reference when one of the ship’s boys, David Young, dies in the first episode. During his burial, his coffin accidentally comes open, and his burial clothes look very reminiscent of the famous photos of Torrington.

Alfie Kingsnorth, the actor who plays David Young, looks a lot like Torrington, making this image extra eerie. In fact, I started watching the show because I saw a screencap of the burial and thought it was Torrington. When I realized that Torrington wasn’t in the show, I was disappointed, but I ended up loving the show anyway.

The next book I want to discuss is a novel that tried to do what The Terror did but without the monster. Robert Edric’s book The Broken Lands tells the story of the Franklin Expedition from the point of view of Commander James Fitzjames of the Erebus, third-in-command of the expedition. Fitzjames seems to be a popular point-of-view character since another book I’ll be discussing in this post is also from his perspective. Fitzjames is an interesting historical person, particularly if you’ve read Battersby’s biography of him, although that was published long after The Broken Lands came out. Being from Fitzjames’s point of view, however, means that the story focuses mostly on what happens on Erebus, which means Torrington, leading stoker on Terror, wouldn’t have had much of a role no matter what.

At least in this book Torrington does get mentioned before his death, but only just. When the ships are wintering on Beechey, it’s mentioned that two men become ill, Torrington and John Hartnell. Since Hartnell died only a few days after Torrington, they would have been ill around the same time. However, rather than showing signs of tuberculosis followed by pneumonia as the killing blow, Torrington and Hartnell suffer symptoms that get mistaken for scurvy but then are assumed to be some form of food poisoning. Torrington dies while Terror’s doctor, John Peddie, sits with him, but there’s not much to the scene. He and Hartnell get buried on the same day after a snowstorm delays their burials. Hartnell gets more attention here because of his autopsy, and there’s no mention of striped shirts and bound limbs.

But that’s not the last we hear of them. In the next chapter, it’s discovered that some crewmembers had been pilfering from the canned food supply. William Braine gets flogged for his part in the scheme, and he starts showing symptoms similar to Torrington and Hartnell. Braine then confesses that Torrington and Hartnell had also been involved in stealing canned foods, and the doctors jump to the conclusion that the canning procedure must be responsible for the illness and deaths of these three men. So instead of going with the known causes of death of tuberculosis and pneumonia, in this version of the story the Beechey Boys die of lead poisoning and only lead poisoning. That bothers me not only because it completely ignores the actual cause of death, but because it makes Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine criminals, stealing food from the ship’s stores. I guess this was Edric’s attempt at explaining why these three men had such high levels of lead so early on in the expedition, but this explanation doesn’t work for me because it ignores a lot of other things in a struggle to make certain puzzle pieces fit. I admit, I got a little overprotective when I saw Torrington being accused of something like this and started ranting about it to my sister—despite the fact that I have no idea what sort of person he was actually like, and he’s been dead for over hundred seventy years, so he doesn’t really need me to protect him from purely fictional accusations. But still…

The other novel from Fitzjames’s perspective is North with Franklin by John Wilson. This is set up as a lost journal written by Fitzjames, using some of the known letters and journals written by the real life Fitzjames as a jumping off point. In these fictional journal entries, there’s a mention of a man in sickbay with signs of consumption in August, and there’s an aside wondering why he didn’t inform anyone about his illness prior to setting sail. However, since this is the sickbay on Erebus, this must be a reference to Hartnell, not Torrington. But it’s a hint at what’s to come for both of them. An update on the consumptive man in November confirms that it’s Hartnell, his condition getting worse, and then it’s mentioned that the leading stoker on Terror is suffering the same. Again, Fitzjames wonders why Hartnell and Torrington didn’t mention their condition before setting sail, calling their weakened lungs a “death warrant” in the Arctic. There’s another update in late December about their worsening condition, until they both succumb. Out of the three books discussed so far, this is the most that Torrington has been mentioned pre-death, but he says not a single word.

Torrington’s death, taking place on New Year’s Day, brings down the happy celebrations of the crew. Again, it’s mentioned that Torrington should never have undertaken the journey with his illness, as if it hasn’t been driven home enough that he and Hartnell had probably been showing symptoms when they first boarded and should have reported it. Torrington’s burial clothes get an overview, with his short, emaciated appearance being compared to that of a child. He gets a funeral, with Franklin presiding.

The repeated mentions of how Torrington and Hartnell should have declared their illnesses before sailing on the expedition almost comes off as blaming them for their early demise. Realistically, of course, they probably had noticed some early symptoms before leaving England. But how bad were those symptoms? Were they enough to make them think they had a disease that would prove fatal? Did they realize that they wouldn’t be coming back, or did they shrug it off as just another cough? Torrington had bad lungs anyway, so maybe he didn’t notice when his black-lung-coughing changed into tuberculosis-coughing.

John Wilson wrote another book about the Franklin Expedition, this one for young adults, called Graves of Ice. This book is from the point of view of one of the ship’s boys, George Chambers. Chambers was assigned to the Erebus, so the main action happens on that ship once again, which means Torrington barely appears. Again. William Braine, however, befriends Chambers and gets far more dialogue and development than Torrington or Hartnell in any of the previous books—or this one—combined. Braine actually gets to defend his actions by saying his lungs had always been weak, and he thought the cold might do them good, explaining why he didn’t bother declaring any illness before setting sail. In real life, Torrington probably felt the same way, but he doesn’t get to stand up for himself here. In a prime example of dramatic irony, Braine calls Torrington an idiot for signing up while sick.

Torrington and his illness get mentioned the same day he dies, just shortly before Dr. Peddie informs Franklin of Torrington’s passing. His death gets called a bad omen among the crew. His burial gets a brief mention, but there’s no lingering on the image of his body in its coffin, or any mention of it even. He has no lines once again, nor does George Chambers ever meet him. At least one crewman admits that there are many men on board with lungs as bad as Torrington, as if to soften the accusation that Torrington should have known better, but it doesn’t soften it by much.

In all four of these books Torrington has had zero lines of dialogue. He gets sick, he dies. That’s it. There’s another book, a self-published one that came out this year, that I had hoped may do better by him. That would be Toward No Earthly Pole by Jonathan Schaeffer, which is from the point of view of James Thompson, the engineer on Terror. Being the engineer, Thompson would have interacted with Torrington a great deal, so I’d hoped I would get to see Torrington fleshed out more as a real character, but sadly that was not to be. Torrington does get mentioned more before his death than in other books, but it’s mostly in superficial interactions where anyone could have stood in instead, such as Torrington pointing out a polar bear.

Near the beginning of the story, Thompson gives a rundown of each stoker, giving Torrington a less-than-stellar description as a weakling, saying that, “He comes across as an old man resigned to his lot in life.” But Thompson does remark that Torrington is handsome, which isn’t really that important, but it is mentioned multiple times in the text. I guess the point was to emphasize that Torrington was cut down in the prime of his young, handsome life, but it comes off as a little awkward.

Torrington apparently has no friends in this interpretation of the story, and only Thompson seems to visit him when he gets sick. The day before he dies, Torrington, in a delirium, says some incomprehensible sentences, ending on an ominous “…do not belong here,” a phrase that Thompson initially interprets as meaning that Torrington realized he didn’t belong there, but that over the course of the expedition Thompson comes to think means the entire expedition didn’t belong there. Torrington gets the usual drawn-out illness coverage, unsurprising death, and a mention of his burial. He also becomes an omen that gets mentioned again as the situation grows worse. Even though Thompson would have been one of the crewmembers to interact with Torrington the most, Torrington still doesn’t get much development as a character.

However, there is one retelling of the Franklin Expedition that gives Torrington quite a bit of development. That would be Kristina Gehrmann’s graphic novel Im Eisland (or Icebound in the English version). I previously discussed Im Eisland in my last post about Torrington in art, but now I’d like to focus on the writing rather than the artwork. Torrington is actually introduced as if he’s going to be a major protagonist of the story, and for a time he does play a large role. We get a glimpse of a sweet little romance between him and his fiancée (we don’t know if Torrington was engaged to anyone, but there’s no evidence that he wasn’t either), and he develops a warm friendship with Thomas Evans, one of the ship’s boys, whom he teaches to read. Torrington comes alive as a real person here, and while yes, he does inevitably become too ill to work and dies, as he did in real life, he’s much more than just the first victim of a tragedy. If you’re looking for some good Torrington fiction, Im Eisland is an excellent choice.

But not all Torrington-related literature is a retelling of the expedition. There is a famous story by Margaret Atwood, “The Age of Lead,” which appears in her short story collection Wilderness Tips. I should say upfront that this story is not about Torrington himself. Atwood described her use of him as that of an extended metaphor, as his death is juxtaposed with that of another character’s in the story. But the story still delves into the pathos around Torrington’s death. In mourning for her friend, Jane, the protagonist, mourns for Torrington in a way too. As Jane remembers sitting with her dying friend, she ponders about who may have sat with Torrington in his final days. His half-open eyes are described as “the light brown of milky tea,” and they look back at Jane as she watches a program about him on television. It’s a touching story that asks some emotional questions about Torrington’s death—did he have anyone to comfort him as he passed, so far from home? Did anyone on the ship mourn him, love him? The story might not be about Torrington in the end, but he makes for a powerful centerpiece, and this story treats his humanity as far more present than many of the novels discussed above.

The last piece of literature I’d like to discuss is “Envying Owen Beattie” by Sheenagh Pugh. In a poem that gives Seamus Heaney a run for his money, Pugh lovingly describes the exhumation of Torrington’s mummified body. She compares Torrington to Snow White by describing his being cocooned in ice as “asleep in his glass case.” The reason she envies Owen Beattie is because of an anecdote Beattie had once told that Pugh recounts here, of how when Beattie lifted Torrington out of his coffin, Torrington’s head lolled onto Beattie’s shoulder, and they stared eye-to-eye at each other, Beattie holding his frail, limp body. This leads Pugh to conclude her fairy tale metaphor by saying “how could you not try to wake him with a kiss?” I have to admit that if I had been in Beattie’s place, I probably would have dropped the body, but Pugh romanticizes the moment instead.

While many of the novels that I’ve described above treat Torrington as just another milestone to get through in the story, Pugh brings far more emotion and love to his depiction in so few words. Torrington looks so very much alive, like a princess under a sleeping spell, so why can’t a kiss break that spell and bring him into the present? A sweet sentiment tinged with the sadness that we know he can’t be awakened by a kiss, because it’s no spell that’s put him asleep. He’s too far beyond fairy tale dreams to come back. The tragedy of Torrington’s death gets swallowed by the larger tragedy of the Franklin Expedition’s demise in the full-length novels, but in shorter pieces such as Pugh’s poem and Atwood’s short story, Torrington’s death is given greater thought and respect. Torrington, after all, was no redshirt on Star Trek but a human being. He wasn’t just a name, a check on a checklist, but a man who suffered and died at too young an age. But the tragedy of the individual is easily lost among the tragedy of the group.

Next: My final post, a personal reflection as I ponder just what fascinates us about him after all these years.

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Torrington Series Masterlist

[purplesurveys]

707

Do you think you're clever? I can be but I wouldn’t say it’s a dominant personality trait. Did you wear socks today? No, I haven’t worn socks since the last day I went to school :/ Can you remember how you celebrated your 10th birthday? I don’t remember how the whole day went but I do have a photo of me on that day. We were in our old house then and I was at the dining area smiling with my cake, surrounded by my mom and sister.

Know any magic tricks? Nah I can’t perform any of them. Do you sleep well most nights? These days I certainly do. They’ve suspended online classes, and acads is really the main thing taking up my time (and head) most days until recently. Without that I’m just sleeping, eating, and having random bursts of productivity everyday.

Are your nails painted? No. Is there somebody you know that you really don't trust? Yeah I have a couple of orgmates that are a little sketchy. I also dunno if I can trust my mom in the bigger scheme of things - we’re just not close like that. Is there music in your head right now? No need to have it playing in my head, I already have a lo-fi livestream playing on YouTube at the moment. When's the last time you baked a cake? Grade 6 when we baked a rainbow cake in home economics. What time was it half an hour ago? 7:26 PM. Did you ever play cowboys and indians when you were growing up? I have no idea what that game is. Probs an American thing? Can anyone confirm? When did it last rain? My dad said it drizzled earlier this afternoon, but I wouldn’t know because I was taking a nap. The last time it rained and I caught it was two nights ago. Would you like to become a dancer? I would love to be able to dance gracefully and call myself a dancer, but I wouldn’t want it to be my Number One Agenda, as in joining contests or have it be my whole career and stuff. It’ll be nice to simply have it as a hobby. What colour is the bathroom of your house painted? The top half of the wall is white, the bottom half consists of light brown tiles. Which country is to the north of your home country? Taiwan. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: My girlfriend. Haaaaah you thought. What is the most gory film you've seen? Evil Dead, but I’ve only seen the 2013 reboot. Is there anybody that you know that you just feel really sorry for? Yeah I guess, like my uncle for stubbornly never getting his life back on track. I’ve been done waiting for him to get better. Do you like the Austin Powers films? I’ve never seen any one of them, even the one Beyoncé is in.

Where is the worst place you have ever travelled to? All the places I’ve been to have been wonderful and it wouldn’t feel right to tag one of them as the ‘worst’ because all the trips have been paid for by my parents lmao. But the one trip that didn’t exactly turn out the way we would’ve wanted it to was Caramoan in Camarines Sur. It was raining almost the entire time, so the scenario was either 1) the rain messed with the cable signal and we only had one channel every time we were in the cabin or 2) we had to make do with being rained on whenever we wanted to go out to the beach. It was also in the middle of nowhere, so we didn’t have internet. Ever fallen down a hole? Nope. That’s one of the scenarios I’m particularly afraid of. Do you like to read poetry? No I hate having to. I’ve never understood poems. What's your preferred frozen snack? Other than ice cream? Idk, frozen fries maybe? Those hit differently. Is rap music overrated? I’d say some are, but rap generally has a rich underground culture as well so I wouldn’t say all of it is overrated. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? That doesn’t matter to me. I care more about how warm/cold it is, because I can’t start working anywhere I find too hot or else I’ll feel too sluggish. Do you know any vegans? Only from the internet. Filipinos are big meat eaters so it’s hard to find resources for if you want to become vegan. There are vegan food stalls but they’re VERY few and far between, and they’re typically situated in hipper, more cosmopolitan parts of the city since veganism isn’t a known concept here. Earphones or headphones? Earphones. Do you like bananas? Eugh no. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Interstellar confuses me to this day. But I loved it a lot and I enjoyed the premise, and that’s what matters to me. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I don’t think I’ve ever worn it before. You can take any illegal drug without any bad consequences, which one? That’s a really dark question but uh... I’d go with meth because idk, Breaking Bad? I certainly wouldn’t want to try heroin though. What is next to your bed? I have a drawer with my clothes and other knickknacks on one side, and a chest with a bunch of memorabilia and old books I’ve had since I was a kid on the other side. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. What would you change about yourself appearence-wise? I’d straighten my front teeth and make my teeth in general smaller. I’d also have some hair grow on my left eyebrow because I permanently damaged the hair growth there by plucking too much as an anxiety habit. How long do you normally spend in the shower? Depends on how relaxed I need to feel. If I’m showering for school it takes me 4-5 minutes. If it’s been hot all day like in the summer I’d take up to 15. When's the last time somebody called you "baby"? Sometime today, I don’t exactly remember when. Have you ever had to keep something important from your family? Like... my 4-year same-sex relationship? Yup. Don't you think things feel much better after a good cry? The things that made me cry don’t get better or automatically get fixed, but it’s always nice to give myself a break and to let everything out. Do you think the UK should keep its monarchy? I honestly don’t know enough about their system to confidently form an opinion about it. My only contribution to this conversation is that the royal family does interest me and I know more trivia about them than the average person should hahahahaha. True or false: you'd do Mila Kunis. I’d do her character in Friends with Benefits but like I don’t really feel that way for IRL Mila, mostly cos I’d rather do wholesome stuff with her hahaha. Which colour would you rather have your hair: pink, grey or green? Green > grey > pink. Don't you just hate the sound of people eating? NOOOOOOO are you kidding. Mukbang ASMRs are my faveeeeeee. What's your favourite music video? Meh I don’t really watch music videos. Is it your aim to be perfect? About the things I do, yeah. I’m not obsessed about having *everything* be perfect, even stuff I have no control over.. Ever climbed to the top of a mountain? No. That’s on my bucket list though. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? No. That’s never been a reason I’ve had feelings for someone. Someone's paying for a fancy dinner, where do you eat and who do you take? BLACKBIRD. I’ve wanted to try it for a while now but Makati is a bitch to get to + their food would literally take away two weeks’ worth of my allowance. I’d take Gab with me for sure. Can you honestly say you are truly happy with your life? Not right now, but I’m not hopeless about it either. Can you paint well? I can’t paint at all. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: The candid ones are the ones I end up hating the most. If you could keep any animal as a pet, which would you choose? Just all the dogs would be fine, thanks. Something you did in the past that you're embarrassed about: I was bidding Gab’s dad goodbye because he was leaving to meet up with his friends or something. Anyway my shoes chose to be slippery that day and I completely tripped the whole way walking over to him and I even unconsciously grabbed onto his arm to keep myself from falling flat on my face. I AM WINCING JUST TYPING THIS OUT PLS SEND HELP Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? Evil. It’d be easier acting that way. Do you like porridge? It’s alright. I mostly avoid it because it was all I ate for breakfast from when I was 4 up to when I was 10, and I’m so so sick of the taste and texture by now.

Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Idk, probably. Strangest gift you ever received: Don’t think I’ve ever received anything I was genuinely baffled by. But I try not to be like that - all gifts are gifts so I’m always grateful whenever someone gives me one. Do most people annoy you? Nah. But 14 year old Robyn taking surveys would probably say yes just to sound edgy :/ Don't you think you should really be doing something more productive? Idk man we’re in the middle of a global health crisis. I think being productive shouldn’t be a priority for once. Have you ever felt really out of place? Yesssssss this was me when I was trying to apply for AIESEC. The crowd was just too different and I didn’t last long in the application process. What's your favourite shade of blue? Royal and sky blue. Do you have any odd phobias? I used to be afraid of watching advertisements at night, but I think it’s mostly gone now. What's the longest you've gone without sleep? 18-20 hours maybe. I don’t let myself pull all-nighters. When was the last time you just wanted to be left alone? Earlier this noon when I felt disrespected by my dad. Do you believe in karma? Sure. Can you remember a world before iPods? Nope. Google says the first iPod came out in 2001, and I don’t remember being 3 years old or younger. When was the last time it was sunny? This morning. Would you like to be photographed by Terry Richardson? I’ve never heard of him but I checked Google just now and apparently he’s been an asshat to his subjects? So no. Smoke? Yes please I so have been needing one throughout this quarantine. I ran out of puffs for my vape pen which is even worse. Would you rather have a lazy day or a day of being really busy? I’ve had 31+ lazy days now. I wouldn’t mind a busy day. Do you like the way that spoken French sounds? I don’t get to hear it all that much but it was spoken so beautifully in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, so I guess I’m alright with it for the most part. I just don’t like the times it comes from the throat and it sounds a bit like hawking. D: But maybe it’s just a cultural thing - Filipino isn’t throaty at all so when we hear sounds like that we’re just not used to it. What's the best film soundtrack? As stupid as the storylines were, they really made sure the Twilight Saga soundtracks SLAPPED. Bon Iver, St. Vincent, Muse, Death Cab for Cutie, The Black Keys, Florence + The Machine, PARAMORE?????? They weren’t fucking around. Interstellar and Gone with the Wind also had amazing scores. Where did you go on your last date? My informal first date with Gabie was at a museum + this quaint Italian place in Greenbelt that has since closed. My legit first date with her was at a Bonchon LMFAOOOOOOOOOO Do people find you "cute"? Not really... only my girlfriend calls me that. Who does the best remixes? Eh not a fan. What is most of your money spent on? Gas, food, dates.

[simmyfrobby]

okay so what i always think is most difficult about doing these edits is getting the beats of the poem down. which lines tell the story. which lines are the emotional core of the poem. where does the poem breathe. you want the edit to follow the rhythm of the text, but to emphasise the important lines if you can.

i almost always start by writing out the entire text and splitting it into slides. tumblr dot com only allows you to upload 30 images at a time, so there's a limit to how much you can tear a poem apart. in this case, i know i wanted the finished edit to have a storybook-feel, which meant i could fit several lines on one page if i needed to.

(which is good because i tend to overdo the splitting-lines-apart thing. once upon a time tumblr only allowed you to post 10 pictures per edit and i had to tear entire poems to shred to get them to fit)

when i figure out where the lines go i then make a note about who i think this line should be about.

(i often change my mind about this halfway through the edit)

in some cases i already know what picture i want to use. more often than not i just type some words into getty images dot com and see what the computer spits out.

i really wanted the stanley cup to feature heavily in this one because it is an edit about myth-making and fairytales and fate and also the cup itself photographs so beautifully. if you type "nhl raises" into getty you get cups & banners being raised. "nhl ceremony" is good too. i try to avoid entering team names if i can so i dont miss out on cool pictures & storylines i might not have thought about.

generally look for: cool lighting, interesting composition, important moments, colour, EMOTION.

also because of all the filters im slapping on top: use simple pictures. if there is too much going on the effect overwhelms the photo. facial expressions are difficult. you want to keep it simple.

(you also want to save the closeups for the most impactful emotional beats. landeskog raising the cup. the breath before the Once Upon A Time)

now the frustrating part is: not every picture works out. there are pictures that look really cool as photos that dont look nearly as cool in this sketchy- storybook style. what i found hardest to get right was the colours. i wanted to try to stick to a limited nr of colours per page (gave up on this towards the end) and i wanted the colours i did use to feel 1 vibrant 2 close enough to the colours in the photo to be able to tell what team it was 3 not taking up more than 50% of the picture.

i always have way more pictures than i plan on using. that way i dont feel bad about abandoning something if it isn't really doing what i want it to.

my favourite pictures are usually the ones where the player is quite small but still easy to make out. i also love a picture that tells a story all on its own.

LOVE a shadow

CW for this next part: discussion of recent events. mention of mario lemieux & the edmonton oilers. no graphic descriptions of anything.

now as for the narratives i chose to include: i knew i wanted to start with the reigning champs and end on bedard. i also knew the leafs & canadiens would feature quite heavily just because theyre such storied franchises. i wasn't sure what to do with the lemieux/crosby parallels because of. idk. turns out mario lemieux is a scumbag actually. but i do like hinting at controversy in these edits (sometimes not so subtly) and i had already decided the oilers were going to be in it so i decided to go for broke.

i like including elements that can mean several things at once. i like the murkiness of that. i appreciate it when a poem asks uncomfortable questions but i like it even more when this is done quite subtly. i am reminded of the political discourse surrounding statues of historical figures in the UK. this idea that someone has decided that this is a story worth telling and a person worth looking up to. and then the question of: which part of the story is not told. who decides this. Pratchett emphasises the inevitability of bad things repeating, but also, and on a less hopeless note, the power of the stories we tell.

it's hard to balance serious topics within a poem that's ultimately meant to be quite lighthearted. i think this picture hints at it most explicitly. rogers place arena. the cup. the fact that it was taken in 2020. the zamboni and the way the colour of the lights make it look like it is cleaning up blood. i wasn't sure whether to include this because i always try to shy away from anything that feels overly. preachy, but i liked the emphasis on the cup & the game over the health & wellbeing of its players, so i stuck with it. i also think you can decide for yourself what you choose to read into it.

(Poetry survives because it haunts and it haunts because it is simultaneously utterly clear and deeply mysterious; because it cannot be entirely accounted for, it cannot be exhausted. - Glück)

now for my FAVOURITE frame

i know vegas is quite unpopular on tumblr dot com but i love how camp and corny their whole shtick is. i love the helmet entrance i love the drama and the smoke and the lights and the golden knight is obviously perfect for the fairy tale theme and to top it all off. flower :)

i think this picture unlocked the entire edit for me. i had to erase a lot of the detail and take out a lot of the colour to get it to fit with the style of the edit, but once i figured out that i could make the background quite dark & play with the light in this way it allowed me to start using pictures that were darker & had some interesting graphic elements like the two of sid and ovi towards the end:

im about to wrap this up & go do something productive but i appreciate your question a lot!! i love talking about poetry and poetry edits & i have so much fun experimenting w photopea behind the scenes & seeing what does and doesnt work & it's not something i thought anyone else would be even the littlest bit interested in. so. thank you this was very validating.

also if you were wondering how i got this effect:

1. choose a picture 2. add an oil paint layer (uncheck the "light" box) 3. go to filter gallery 4. choose "poster edges" and make the edges quite thick 5. add an adjustment layer: gradient map 6. move the black and light values close together 7. add a threshold layer 8. select colour range - adjustment layer - colour fill to dark brown 9. rasterise & erase all the unnecessary detail 10. fill in some of the colour, either by turning off all the prev. adjustment layers & colour selecting from the original image or by using a brush 11. duplicate all the layers you want to keep into a new project. 12. fit it into a frame 13. add a texture layer (I get mine from texture labs) 14. blending change: multiply 15. done :)

MUCH love

do you happen to have any in-process screenshots or BTS thoughts on making this? the aesthetic is sooo good, and the photo choices are peak. tumblr.com/simmyfrobby/758073585328930816

!!!!!!!! oh this is such a fun question to be asked.

[headlessartistblog-blog]

Post 1: On Poetics

Poetry, am I right? Who needs the stuff? Well, I do. I get paid to go to school for it. I’m not going to bore you with some longwinded introduction where I satisfy your checklist of things that constitute a reliable source because I know you don’t really care. Instead, I’ll direct you to a list of the top 5 most important things to keep in mind when reading and writing poetry (for all ages!). As you can see, they aren’t written on stone tablets, so feel free to disagree with anything I say here (if you do leave comments of dissent, please be kind enough to follow it up with a “because” for others who may be interested).  This is just my personal take from my experiences. Take what you will.

1. Your Poem Should Have Some Sort of Surprise or Insight (It Should Change You) 

What distinguishes a good poem from a great poem (or a good poem from a bad poem) is its transformative qualities. To put it simply, a great poem is a poem that truly changes you. You should leave the poem feeling that you’ve learned something about yourself or about the world. Not only will minding the transformative qualities of a poem help you assess others’ poetry, but it can also serve as a guide for your own endeavors.

When writing a poem, we sometimes find ourselves engaging with things (emotions, memories, ideas, art, etc.) that we don’t quite understand or can’t account for. Let us, for example, say we are writing a poem about something wholly original and not at all trite: love. Anyone who has ever been in love has felt the strange emotions that circumspect its comings and goings: euphoria, despair, infatuation, apathy, content, anxiety, reassurance, fear. Now, imagine trying to describe these emotions in a way that accurately conveys their essence; “I’m afraid” isn’t much of a poem (though the conciseness of T.S. Eliot’s “and in short, I was afraid” is quite striking).

The arrival of the surprise in poetry is the result of a successful engagement with the ambiguous and arduous. Put simply, you get the surprise by working through your thoughts and emotions on paper. Be aware that there is no way to foresee the arrival of the surprise. In fact, you might find that it’s in the first few lines you’ve written. Conversely, you might find that it takes weeks of writing or revision to arrive at some sort of insight. Regardless, you should leave the poem somehow changed.

Examples of Surprises:

The Archaic Torso of Achilles- Rilke

The Warning- Creeley

2. Let the Poem Be Its Own Guide (Don’t Force It)

A successful artist is an artistic who recognizes their art and works with it. Well, what the fuck does that mean? Much like every other art, intention often finds itself at odds with the poem. Intention essentially means the objective we bring to the table when we make art. A simple example: “I want to write a love poem.” Great! Everyone loves a good love poem. However, where most beginning poets -and experienced poets time and time again- stall is reconciling intention with output. By output, I simply mean what ends up on the page.

Imagine this: you’re writing your love poem and, suddenly, you find yourself writing about a box of photos you found in your grandmother’s attic. Well that just won’t work, will it? We’re trying to write a love poem! Not a poem about old pictures of your grandmother. What the sensible person would do is get back on track, cross out those inane lines and continue their trek of love. What the poet does is follow the trail of memory. The poem knows what it wants to be just as your intuition knows what the poem should be.

Perhaps one of the greatest struggles beginning poets tend to face is the seemingly sporadic nature of intuition. “This is what I want the poem to be! Why can’t I get it to do what I want?!” Well, uh, that’s because the poem is kind of like a person. I mean, it’s being written by a person based on that person’s experiences, and we all know human experience is anything but simple and linear. Trying to force a poem to do something is like trying to force a person to do something.

As artists, we often forget that our art is not always going to be in tandem with our goals and aspirations. That’s okay. In fact, it’s great! It keeps us from being indebted to our own egos. “Oh? You thought you were going to write the modern epic? No no no! You’re going to write about the hole in your shoe.” Additionally, who’s to say that love and the box of photographs are entirely unrelated? Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion. There are many kinds of love: romantic, sexual, familial, idealistic, etc. What the poem is trying to show you is the relationships between your love for a partner and your love for your grandmother. Let the art run its course.  

3. Avoid Clichés

This, in my opinion, can be a make it or break it for poetry (and all art). Nothing turns an audience off like being cliché (think dad-rock). Unfortunately, there’s no end to the barrage of hip, Instagram poetry that somehow passes as insightful and profound (@ Milk and Honey). I try not to sound like a pompous asshole as much as possible, but everybody has a line in the sand, and this is mine. Just don’t do it. Don’t be that person (poet).

For one, it’s contrived, and it’s obvious because you can’t tell the difference between any of the people writing the “poems.” Two, it takes little to no effort to write Instagram poetry:

Just because you’ve decided to

Stay inside doesn’t make you

Anything less.

Even the butterfly needs

Time alone to grow

 Truly inspired.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, there are other clichés that you’ll want to avoid. The most common ones usually occur in metaphor or simile:

My love, you are like a flower

Swaying in the summer breeze

Okay, so let’s break this down. One, there’s nothing really surprising about comparing your love to a flower. It’s been done many times; at this point, probably too many times. Two, there’s also nothing surprising about a flower in summer. It’s to be expected. Three, while the entire image itself is beautiful (flowers in the summer breeze), it doesn’t reveal anything unique about the speaker’s love. In fact, some would find the use of such a bland and predictable simile almost insulting.

*Now, here’s where an exception to clichés comes in. This would be a perfect simile if you were trying to be sarcastic or humorous about your relationship without being too on the nose*

So how do we spice this up? Well, we make the simile surprising:

My love, you are like the muddy river that runs under the bridge

Cool and murky as you drift through my fingers in the summer’s heat

Okay, not the greatest lines ever written, but more interesting than flowers in the summer breeze.

What often helps all writers think about interesting comparisons and images is being honest about the emotions behind them. We understand that you’re in love, so we want to hear about it, actually hear about it. When you think about the person you love, do you actually think about flowers in the summer breeze? Or do you think about the dumpster behind the cafeteria where you first kissed? Or how they snore in the middle of the night? Or how you’re always late because you both decide to lounge in bed until 2 in the afternoon?  I guarantee you that being honest about the mundaneness of love (or whatever else you decide to write about) will produce something with more candor and accessibility (meaning, resonant with others) than lofty misconceptions about what love is.

As a final note on the cliché, always remember to be true to your own voice. Emulating other people’s poetry can be a fun and useful exercise to develop your own skills, but it is not an end. I’m honestly surprised how many times I’ve encountered poetry from the 21st century written like this:

Hark! Mine fellow scholars! Doth thou hear the gentle wings of poesy?

No, sir, I don’t hear it. Chaucer is dead. Shakespeare is dead. And for good reason. Let’s keep it that way. While most of us don’t speak poetically often, we certainly don’t speak like that anymore. Stay true to the times.

Examples of subverting or flirting with the cliché:

Porphyria’s Lover- Browning

The Flea- Donne

4. Play With Formalities of Structure and Grammar

I’ll keep this point brief because it’s pretty straightforward. Poetry does not have to abide by the formal rules of structure and grammar. In fact, there are very few rules at all.

You can write your lines as whole sentences

Or you can break them up.

You can use commas, periods, exclamation points, etc.

Or you can completely forgo them?

CAPITALIZATION and italics can help

Emphasize certain words that you think are IMPORTANT

Words can be bro     ken up in any num-

Ber of ways do(n’t) be afraid 2

Experiment w/the formalities of language!

5. Stay Grounded in the Real

This may seem like an odd piece of advice but it’s something that has significant consequences for most art. A few, short years ago I was briefly enamored with the complexities and possibilities of language that poetry offered, which manifested in this poem:

For if she flees I should pursue, Through vision, Thereafter? Feather footed, criminal as we are.

 Samael, So once we were, Golden swans littered across the sky, Bathing/bourn/bearing

Light

 Time beyond candlelight, Wicks, unto you, Progenic burning, Great love, Fallen

 Meadows, Whisper sweetly and, Slither into my dreams, Carry with us, black as we rose So Mourned, Thus forgotten

 Disembodied, I will never be beautiful

 Windows, Searching fragments, Arrested above the surface, And if we look back, Snatched away

 Remnants, Objects of decay

 Simply, perpetually, Echo

 From you, Eternity, Effusive threshold, Forlorn foundation, Dripping through fingers, All the things you are

 Cuping flame, Gentle blow

 I was new enough to poetry to still be proud of my writing and gave it to my mentor for his thoughts. After reading it, he asked me “what part of this poem is grounded in the real?” At that moment, I realized that I had gotten so caught up in creating images that I had forgotten to give the poem any kind of “soul.”

Indeed, all this poem is is a bunch of nebulous images that say nothing of the world. There’s a reason we relate to Lucifer instead of God in Paradise Lost. It’s because Lucifer represents us, “the real.” Despite the fact that he is a celestial being, his actions and emotions are human and that’s why we like him. He’s grounded in the worldly.

Think about it like this: the reason you probably hated those books you read in high school and college is because they didn’t resonate with you (yet?). There’s nothing in those books that speaks to your reality. Take, for instance, The Crucible; it’s written well-enough, but I hate it because it doesn’t say anything about my experience. It doesn’t say anything that I can relate to or care about. You “don’t get” Shakespeare, or Chaucer, or Faulkner not because you’re dumb or you didn’t try hard enough, but because their stories might not speak to your experience as a human being.  

It’s also worth noting that age does play a factor in almost every kind of art. That’s why you grow out of certain literature, tv shows, genres of music and people, because they no longer speak for or reflect who you are. The art that remains is the art that continues to say something about the world in our eyes.

[almaasi]

GISHWHES 2017 List Of Items

Yes, this archive post is a whole year late. Don’t judge me.

In 2017 the hunt ran from August 5th to the 12th, and winners went to Hawaii with Misha. (Misha scared everyone by implying it was The Last Ever Hunt, when it was actually just rebranding.) Under the cut: The entire item list from 2017, including item numbers, point values, and deleted items.

[ see also: 2011 list // 2012 list // 2013 list // 2014 list // 2015 list // 2016 list ]

Disclaimer: I am not personally affiliated with Misha Collins or any of the organisers of GISHWHES. This blog post is not official. And yes, I am allowed to post it.

#1 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / Do you live near (or within a fun road trip’s length of) some sand dunes or a beach? If so, the time has come to fulfill your destiny. Make a massive portrait (must be larger than 20 square meters - the larger the better) of either someone who inspires you, or a message of hope beautifully written in sand. Use a drone to capture footage, if helpful. Make sure you are not working on protected or ecologically sensitive dunes.

#2 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 20 POINTS / There was a hobby or talent that you used to do when you were younger that you stopped doing for whatever reason. Do it again. Now.

#3 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Pancake art has come a long way, and the art form doesn’t get the respect it deserves. Let’s see pancake art of Guernica, Judith Slaying Holofernes, The Weeping Woman, anything by Hieronymus Bosch., or another famous work. (You may not do the Mona Lisa or anything abstract.)

#4 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / As anyone who reads “Cosmopolitan” magazine knows, bohemian eco-chic weddings are all the rage. Let’s see a wedding dress made from recycled office paper.

#5 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / Nobody likes elevator music in an elevator - unless it’s flute or pan flute music played by a wood nymph. (We must see unsuspecting passengers in the elevator with the wood nymph.)

#6 / VIDEO / 19 POINTS / Re-enact the experience of your birth, using (only) shadow puppets.

#7 / VIDEO / 44 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) You love your grandparents, or your great-grandparents, but you've never heard their stories. Get one of them to tell you about the two most transformative experiences of their early life, before they turned 30. These must be experiences that shaped them into the people they are today. They may be difficult situations or lucky ones, but they must be transformative. Subject(s) must be more than 80 years old.

#8 / PHOTO / 82 POINTS / The year is 2021. Of all the unique and amazing human specimens on Earth, it was hard for the aliens to choose which ones to collect, but your team stood out as being excessively weird & worth “analysis". Your entire team was abducted and put into an alien specimen box. In grid form, show each member of your team along with a card explaining where they got you (city, country) and a word stating what special characteristic makes you unique.

#9 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / I can assure you, THAT has never been frozen in jello before! How did you manage to do that?!

#10 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Pizza was invented in Italy in 997 AD to honor the Queen Consort, Queen Margherita. The next significant event in Italian history was the start of the Renaissance Period in the 14th century, which spawned a revival in art, architecture, science and learning. Let’s celebrate these two seminal moments in Italian history. Bake a Pizza decorated as a Renaissance painting that would make the Old Masters proud.

#11 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 82 POINTS / There are many old ghost towns (Note that Little Beaver Town on the list has been leveled. We're not sure what happened to the ghosts but they may be smaller/flatter) around the world. I’ve been told, however, that almost all of these are fake and do not contain real ghosts. I refuse to believe this. Help me prove them wrong. Let’s see ghosts (at least 6) doing typical small-town activities (shopping, dropping stuff off in the mailbox, porch sitting, walking ghost dogs, as crossing guards and school kids, etc.) in one of the actual ghost towns at the link above (or in another legitimately publicized ghost town). Provide a caption to your image or video with the name of the ghost town , and the State or Province and Country you’re in.

#12 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Many of us have lost pets in our lifetime. As a memorial to a loved pet that is now frolicking in the clouds chasing or sniffing whatever it was that pet liked to chase/sniff, write a poem or haiku about that loved one, or create a small shrine in nature comprised of items the pet loved and a photo of him or her.

#13 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / (Side by side) A child drawing of their idea of happiness. Then, make it happen.

#14 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Over the years gishwhes has always been a supporter of first responders (firemen, paramedics, ER medics, nurses, police, etc.). Let’s give them one last treatment of a proper gishwhes “THANK YOU!” Find your nearest and dearest first responders and bring them The Most Epic Cookies or Pastries the World Has Ever Seen (MECOPWHES).

#15 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / Groucho Marx a piece of fruit. No, we don’t know what this means either, but we’re excited to see what you come up with.

#16 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 2 minutes.) Take your parent back to the place where they lived when they were 10. Find someone they knew from then and ask them to recall a shared memory.

#17 / PHOTO / 69 POINTS / Spicy Art! Using the spices you have in your spice cupboard, make a picture of your favorite (1) comic book cover, or (2) cartoon character. Either submit it alone, or as a side-by-side image comparison.

#18 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Create or provide “gishwhes” welcome blankets (if it’s cold) or cold water and snacks (if it’s hot) for newly arriving immigrants… anywhere on the planet. Here’s some inspiration for you.

#19 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Side-by-side image) A photo of your pet and a photo of the portrait of your pet that you have made from their own food and treats.

#20 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / This family’s toys get into sweet, crazy escapades at night while the kids are sleeping. Your family’s toys make that family’s toys look like do-gooders. Let’s see what happened with your family’s toys while you slept last night.

#21 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / Let’s see the world famous once-every-3000-years “Spectral Olympics”.

#22 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / We finally have a confirmed sighting of a mythical beast from urban legends (Bigfoot, Nessie, Yeti, etc.) suffering the effects of climate change.

#23 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / This morning, my daughter, Maison reported having seen a “moon fairy” while I was sleeping last night. As you know, the rarely-seen moon fairies are mischievous, nocturnal creatures who participate in synchronized, representational flight. Using a long exposure and flashlights (or other movable light sources) photograph these elusive beasts.

#24 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / She wore a raspberry beret… Wear a beret made out of raspberries as you shop in a second-hand store.

#25 / PHOTO / 56 POINTS / Wombat poop is shaped like little bricks. Sounds like the perfect building material for a tiny house! Show us! If we can figure out the architectural style you chose from your structure - bonus points! You’ll probably have to go to a local zoo to ask for collections of this building material. Enjoy your visit while you’re there. Your image must contain a caption that shares a little known fact about wombats.

#26 / VIDEO / 101 POINTS / (Create an old-school STOP MOTION film - up to 1 minute.) A Romeo and Juliet story... Two young virile socks (unmatched) meeting, falling in love, being kept apart and finally ending tragically.

#27 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / The Internet has brought us all closer together, so this should be really easy: find someone from one of the 10 smallest countries in the world. Have them send you a forced perspective photo of something very small that makes that object look huge in front of a famous public landmark or historical site in that country. Caption the photo with “Big things happen in the tiny nation of [insert country name].” Teams may not share submissions with other teams, so make sure your tiny country helper isn’t helping someone else.

#28 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Finger-painting is often thought of as unsophisticated and associated with preschool. But we know it can be deployed for much loftier purposes. Prove the art historians and elitists wrong by finger painting a sophisticated mural with complex messaging about an important global issue on the wall of a classroom. You may want to get a pre-schooler or two to help just to make sure you’re doing it right!

#29 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / It is either winter or summer where you are. (If it is not, please contact our support so we can send NASA to find you.) There’s something you love to do outdoors in the winter or summer where you live. Do the activity you love to do in the opposite season that you are in.

#30 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NEW LEASH ON LIFE USA adopts otherwise unadoptable dogs and sends them through a unique training program. Shelter pets rarely get any attention and millions are put down each year. Many times this can be avoided if people on the Interwebs (who would like and could responsibly own a pet) were to see how cute, available, lonely and cuddly they are. Let’s save a pet or two (or thousands). Grab a friend or two and visit a shelter. Spend some time with one or more of the pets there. Post a selfie of your favorite pet looking for a “forever home” on Twitter (tagging @NewLeashUSA) or Instagram (tagging @NewLeashOnLifeUSA), using hashtag #adoptmeplease, and the social media handle or name of the shelter (so people can contact them). Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATED: Updated tags and social accounts. (Original said “on Twitter or Instagram, tagging @NewLeashUSA”.)

#31 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / You’ll find all you need to complete this item here: https://yung.cloud/index.php?a=track&id=29451

#32 / PHOTO / 50 POINTS / Visit a local bakery or food market. Get them to donate still-edible items to a women’s shelter. Speak to the women’s shelter first to make sure they will accept donations like this. Submit an image of you at the women’s shelter donating the food items. // UPDATE NOTE: Please don't take images that include any of the residents in the background out of respect to their safety & privacy.

#33 / PHOTO / 73 POINTS / From @gishwhes twitter feed: Everyone knows the most ticklish parts of planes are on the undersides of the wings (or "wing pits", to use proper aircraft terminology). Let’s see the wing pits on a full-sized airplane. You can go true bohemian, decorative, or high and tight groomer - but it must really look like (or be) hair to count.

#34 / PHOTO / 89 POINTS / As this is likely the last year of gishwhes we should probably do something to memorialize it. A lot of folks have been saying, “Save gishwhes!” But we say, “Shave “gishwhes”... into the back of your head.” Try to match the amazing logo that Olivia Desianti formed way back when - which we still use today. Bonus points if you include the current or a former gishwhes hybrid mascot in your masterpiece. The same design shaved into a thick matt of back or chest hair would be an acceptable substitute.

#35 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Hand a bouquet of flowers (or a single flower) to a person leaving a house of worship that is not your religion. For example, if you are a Christian, you could hand a bouquet of flowers to someone leaving a mosque. If you’re Jewish, hand flowers to someone at a Christian church, etc. With the flowers, attach a note saying something in your own words, but to the effect of: “I may not worship in the same building as you, and I may not pray to the same prophets, but I am grateful to be sharing this planet with you in peace.”

#36 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / The dewey decimal system has long been responsible for keeping good books apart— books that clearly deserve to spend a life together on library shelves. For that matter, it seems so many libraries go out of their way to keep perfectly good literary companions apart as they separate fact from fiction, biography from archaeology, science fiction from politics. Be the matchmaker literature needs and get creative at your local library or bookstore. Show the spines of at least six books together in a library or bookstore (the more titles the better) the titles of which create the perfect oxymoronic sentence or phrase. - Monica Duff

#37 / PHOTO / 92 POINTS / No one talks about the fact that the destruction of the Death Star put thousands of Stormtroopers out of work. Luckily the Empire has a pretty robust social safety net and most of them have been retrained and placed in new jobs, the majority of which have been in the transportation sector. Let’s see a stormtrooper driving/flying a large passenger vehicle. Must be for mass transit, not just a car or a van. A subway, train, bus, ferry, plane, etc.

#38 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Pick a celebrity social media image post (or an advertisement) and recreate it with a subtle twist like Celeste Barber does here. Tweet, Instagram or FB post your image side-by-side with the original image, “#embracereality @gishwhes” and your team name. (You may also tag or mention the celebrity or brand you are satirizing.) Submit the image you take side-by-side with the original one, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#39 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / You’ve heard of Cabbage Patch Kids, Garbage Pail Kids, and the Pacific Garbage patch. Let’s see a Great Pacific Garbage Patch Kid, (a cabbage-patch kid made from garbage you pick up from your local beach or lakefront), complete with adoption certificate.

#40 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT!. Have a full church choir sing Carry on My Wayward Son while wearing dental cheek retractors. Please make sure that the video shows some of the singers’ faces up close. Then, share the video via twitter with the band Kansas (@kansasband) with @mishacollins @gishwhes.” Submit the video on our site but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Nicki Bentley-Colthart

#41 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Show us your own personal “Stairway to Heaven” -Dylan Cacador

#42 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / You ever heard of “pond dipping”? “river bugging”? Neither have we - but let’s not let that stop us. Invent and show off your own *SAFE* summer wet, wild and messy activity and caption it with a clever name.

#43 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Never judge a book by its cover… or bread by its shape. Bake bread or cookies into the shape of something you would DEFINITELY not want to eat. (We hate to have to say this every year, but pornographic pastries will result in docked points.)

#44 / VIDEO / 56 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) A snail (or similarly VERY slow insect or worm) crossing a path or going up a wall. Put or stick objects in its path so it has to change directions multiple times. Then have it go through some “winner” gates at the end of its arduous trek. To make it a gripping adventure, you’ve dropped frames and turned this into a fast-paced adventure and set it to 1980s video game music, complete with a grand finale sound at the end when it makes it through the gates.

#45/ PHOTO / 72 POINTS / You may not be aware, but leather-clad, tattoo-covered biker clubs love to hang out and play in those inflatable bouncy castles. Catch them in the act!

#46 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / THE FINAL “KALE” ART. (Please note that per Commandment #4 of the 2017 Hunt, this word and material as a Hunt item is not permitted. We are aware of this. That being said, we do not care. You still may not use the word “kale”. Henceforth, it shall be called [REDACTED] BUT you may use it as a material for this item.) Therefore, take a SINGLE glorious piece of [REDACTED] and, using whatever adornments or other decoratives, clipping patterns, etc., create a stunning, museum worthy piece of art that shall then be showcased (and submitted as such) as an ornamental headpiece on you.

#47 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Your strict neighborhood HOA (Homeowners’ Association) got replaced by a better HOA: the Hopeful Optimist’s Association. They’ve decided that your lawn isn’t quite up to regulations. Get your front yard up to snuff by building a large-scale, jaw-dropping sculpture or structure dedicated to Hope. Make it so magnificent that motorists backup & park to gaze at its beauty. (Conversely, it could be that YOUR neighborhood HOA got replaced by the Horrible Organization for Awfulness... You get where we're going with this, right?)

#48 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / As most people know, roosters enjoy a good sunrise. But other farm animals enjoy sunrises and sunsets, too. Let's see a photo of you, some friends or companions (such as your dog), and a sheep, horse, cow, or other non-rooster barnyard animal, watching the sun rise or set together. Bonus points if the spectacular skies are reflected in water in front of you.

#49 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / There’s something important that your local or national politicians are not attending to properly. Stand in front of something that represents the issue/right/minority group/etc. that you care about and that your politicians are not adequately protecting and hold a large, hand-written sign with a message to the powers that be. Tweet this image to an elected official with the power to do something to help tagged “#gishwhesrights”. Submit the image and a link to your tweet in the comments.

#50 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Have too much of a good thing, by which we mean a cream-filled balloon the size of a volley ball. Volley, volley, spike! Play a game of volleyball with it in the middle of a busy plaza.

#51 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Anyone who serves in the military is risking their life to serve their nation. Being respectful to not trespass on military grounds, stand in front of a large military craft, ship, tank, or plane with an inclusive sign of thanks to every service member of every kind. You may post this image on social media prior to the end of the hunt, if you choose. Submit the image with a link to your post in the comment section (if you chose to post it).

#52 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Paint a dignified portrait of a President, Prime Minister, King, or Queen. But we don’t want you to waste canvas or paper! Paint this on a loved one’s bare back or abdomen. (use skin safe paints or edible “paint-like” food products!)

#53 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Write something in frosting on a cake that you’ve always wanted to say to someone, and deliver it to them.

#54 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Listen to this and be scared: http://www.radiolab.org/story/nukes/. But this bill has been introduced to try to solve this global risk. Let’s get it approved! Tweet ALL of your reps to pass the legislation to make congressional approval for first nuclear strike US law. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page. // UPDATE: Edited for clarity: Not senators but representatives.

#55 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 34 POINTS / Make a homemade Castiel kite with a child. We must see the kite in flight.

#56 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sometimes things are just too comfy to leave, but you’re prepared for this! Let’s see you in your “Hammock Self-Containment Unit”. This, of course, would be you in a hammock with everything you need to live for one week, including all life preserving items, sanitation supplies and, of course, entertainment (live or otherwise). Make sure it’s clean, well organized, and designed for easy access to everything.

#57 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 52 POINTS / Show us a beautiful mermaid or sea creature performing a politically defiant modern dance solo to the beautiful music of the Sea Organ at Zadar. (Can’t make it to Zadar? The wave organ in San Francisco or the high tide organ in Blackpool may be substituted.)

#58 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 89 POINTS / It’s time to recreate the epic historic Great Zombie vs. Vampire World War II. As you recall, this particular battle took place with Nerf guns (homemade or otherwise) in an arena, forest or field, and was wild, gruesome, and featured multiple soldiers.

#59 / PHOTO / 59 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! This item takes place on Friday, Aug 11th, in whatever city you’re in at 10am in your time zone. Stand in front of your state or province’s legislative building (the building where your laws are enacted) and with your friends, hold up a large sign showing an excerpt or summary of a law that protects civil rights. For example if you live in the US, you could hold up a sign with a portion of the 1st amendment of the US Constitution written on it. Use the hashtag #gishwhes4rights. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#60 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Up to 30 seconds - you may speed up or slow down the video if you need to.) Using only air-moving devices or machines, successfully navigate a balloon through a strange series of obstacles. It must be suspended in the air, without anyone or anything other than moving air touching it. It must travel at least 10 yards and culminate with your friend popping it with a needle sticking out from a hat they’re wearing.

#61 / VIDEO / 76 POINTS / (As long as it takes to complete the song.) THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! James Corden hosts Carpool Karaoke in the US— a viral show that has celebrities singing songs with him in a car. (Yes, we realize this is typical lowbrow-American TV, but it works.) We want to upgrade carpool karaoke and make it more high-brow. Create your own carpool karaoke with a political or intellectual powerhouse. Your co-singer must be either a nobel laureate, MacArthur Fellow, a national elected official, Bill Nye, Jane Goodall, Neil deGrasse Tyson, or any past or present member of the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, and your karaoke song must have sufficient gravitas and must be an 80s pop song. For example, “Like a Virgin” would do nicely. Shoot your video Carpool Karaoke style. Tweet the video to @JKCorden with #gishwhesloveskaraoke and mention who your passenger is in the post. Upload the video on our submit page but be sure to provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#62 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Honeybees are a “keystone” species just like sharks. If they’re gone, we’re in big trouble. Unfortunately, there are currently “Colony Collapse Disorders” happening with honeybees throughout the world. This is when the majority of worker bees in a colony disappear, leaving the queen and immature bees to fend for themselves (most colonies completely die). This has major global food crop implications, as honeybees perform the magic of pollination of agricultural crops. If bees go by the wayside, we will have to find alternative pollination solutions, and that ain’t gonna be easy. But, let’s roll up our sleeves and give it a shot: Plant something in your garden (or plant a garden if you don’t have one) that is bee friendly (even if it’s just one plant in one pot on a patio). Spring - lilacs, penstemon, lavender, sage, verbena, and wisteria. Summer – Mint, cosmos, squash, tomatoes, pumpkins, sunflowers, oregano, rosemary, poppies, black-eyed Susan, passion flower vine, honeysuckle. Fall – Fuschia, mint, bush sunflower, sage, verbena, toadflax. Take a picture of yourself wearing some sort of bee-attire doing your part to pollinate your newly planted plant.

#63 / VIDEO / 265 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 1 minute but preferably under 30 seconds.) Loo goes to space! A person named Loo won our NASA email contest last Fall, and Loo’s prize is out of this world. Write “Loo” on a paper airplane and launch it from the stratosphere (or higher). We must CLEARLY see you writing the name on the paper airplane and folding it, the paper airplane’s journey into space, and then the actual launch where the plane is released from the stratosphere from whatever vehicle has conveyed it to those heights (high-altitude weather balloons are an acceptable means of conveyance). Oh, and one more thing: the paper airplane must be decorated and must have a message on it about a secret, global conspiracy to make the world a better place. It should also have your team name written on it and the following email address: with the instructions: “If found please email picture of airplane and location found to: airgishwhes@gmail.com.

#64 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / Quilt a gishwhes onesie out of underwear and/or gloves. Strike a pose in the lobby of a financial institution or bank. Bonus points if it’s the floor of a stock exchange.

#65 / PHOTO / 65 POINTS / You know SuperWhoLock? The amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and Sherlock? Well, that’s been done to death and everyone has moved on to the next big mashup. Let’s see 3D street art on a pavement or wall (in chalk!) that’s of a scene or setting from SuperWhoWatch (an amalgamation of Supernatural, Doctor Who and BayWatch)

#66 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / Personify your favorite movie title. Include a caption on your image of the title of the movie in quotes. - Tanya Best

#67 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / Banana Hammock. This year’s summer fashion elitists are all wearing the latest rage: Banana Bikini or Banana Briefs. Join them!

#68 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / You finally have a use for all the naked bananas you now have sitting around! Bake as much banana bread as you can with “gishwhes” spelled out in bananas on the top & distribute it to your local nursing home.

#69 / VIDEO / 28 POINTS / You’ve been putting this off for far too long. Tell your parents something bad that you did as a child that they still don’t know about. Capture their reaction. This must not be staged. We have an Academy Award Winning Judge on staff that will determine if your parent has already heard this story and you will be docked points. - CJ and Lauren

#70 / VIDEO / 39 POINTS / (Time-lapse down to 20 seconds.) Sidewalk cafes are all the rage, but most “sidewalk cafes” are total posers. Set up a “sidewalk cafe” the way it was meant to be - on an actual sidewalk. Cook a delicious omelet using just a magnifying glass, a hot sidewalk, and the sun. Share your feast with a friend!

#71 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Rapper B. o. B. seems to think that the world is flat. Perform a highly scientific experiment that proves that it is not and tweet the results to him (https://twitter.com/bobatl). Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#72 / PHOTO / 111 POINTS / I hate to say it, but this financial company is underwater. Let’s see the board meeting— with professionally dressed people at the table with chairs, paper, pens etc… all fully submerged at the bottom of a swimming pool.

#73 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Visit a local laundromat. Place decorated envelopes with enough money (in coins or bills, depending on the machines) for one load of washing and one load of drying on at least one machine with the note: “We swim together, we tumble together. Love, Gishwhes.”

#74 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Modify a grocery store shopping cart to be space-worthy. Put an alien being in the pilot’s seat and help them navigate the terrain of the “Earth produce” department to collect specimens.

#75 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 16 POINTS / They told me I couldn’t, so I did. Pose in front of a sign declaring a rule. Break that rule. A few notes: It must be safe (what you are doing), and it MUST NOT be a law or illegal where you are. It must only be a “rule”. For example, you might find a sign that says, “collared shirts only.” You would pose in front of that sign wearing a tank top. - Inspired by Emily Shulman

#76 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / Have a caveperson demonstrate glass-blowing. - Jennifer Pierce

#77 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / Personify or embody your team name. Caption your image with your team name. - Shannon

#78 / PHOTO / PHOTO or VIDEO / 48 POINTS / Being in the hospital can be scary and lonely for kids! Visit your local hospital to play a two-player video game with a pediatric patient. Be sure to dress thematically to match your game(s)! Take a picture of yourself in front of the children’s hospital. Do not take pictures with the kids unless they approve, their guardian(s) approve, and the hospital approves; we don’t want them to feel exploited. However, you MUST play with a child to get points for this item. This will be an honor system. You will have very bad karma if you cheat on this one. - Kristin Lindsay - Child’s Play charity.

#79 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) Why would you move from the couch during a Supernatural binge watching session? Build a complex SPN-themed Rube-Goldberg machine to fill your empty glass, catapult you a snack, or to serve some other couch potato need. - Diane-Audrey Carlier

#80 / VIDEO / 73 POINTS / You’ve all seen “dog shaming memes” on the Internets. You know that crowd that lines up at the plaza of The Today Show and shows up on air? Let’s take it over with gisher-self-shaming signs. Hold up a large, colorful sign that details something you did that you probably shouldn’t have done (for example, “I drank milk straight of the carton and put it back in the fridge without telling my roommates”). Make it a light-hearted trivial violation, not a deep-seated personality flaw, actual violation of the law, or other serious offense. Share with us a clip of the AIRED FOOTAGE that shows your team’s sign and in the comments section of the item submitter, let us know which sign was yours. Do not add your team name or “gishwhes” anywhere on the sign… we want this to be a mystery.

#81 / PHOTO / 25 POINTS / Sometimes it feels like your boss expects you to be in more than one place at more than one time, but you’re a gisher so you know how to deliver. Using the panoramic photo function on your phone, insert yourself at least three times in the same picture in different positions and/or wardrobe to show yourself as you “multitask”. You may NOT Photoshop yourself into the image. (Hint: you have to run around the person taking the picture each time they pass you in the frame.)

#82 / PHOTO / 19 POINTS / In honour of Canada's 150th birthday, even though you may not be Canadian, you and a friend should clearly cover yourself in maple syrup and go roll in some maple leaves. - Jessica G.

#83 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Lets see your interpretation of fireworks using vegetables and spaghetti as mixed media. - Saty381

#84 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / (Two Images side-by-side.) The first image is a photo of an illustrated page from a children’s book. The second image is your reenactment of that illustration in 3 dimensions. - Inspired by Sarah Trumbley

#85 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Let’s see LABSWHES. The Largest Awesome Balloon Sculpture the World Has Ever Seen. The themes this year are “insect” or “space”—or both. You must be in the middle of this structure.

#86 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 39 POINTS / Everyone thinks unicorns are beautiful, magical, gentle creatures. You know better. Prove it to the world! You may use any media you like, including Photoshop. - Traci Akierman

#87 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Tweet a picture of you or your child dressed as a bear in school to @betsydevos with whatever text you like and “#KeepSchoolsSafeFromBears #Gishwhes”. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. - Diedra Lookingbill

#88 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / Three words: 10 Mannequin-pin Bowling. - Ariana Preis

#89 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Apply lipstick while jumping on a trampoline. - Emily Schulman

#90 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 42 POINTS / “Why did the chicken cross the road?” There’s no better crossing guard than a mother hen! Dressed as a chicken, offer to help people cross a busy street.

#91 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Leave a Yelp review of gishwhes after you deliver food to the homeless or to a homeless shelter.

#92 / VIDEO / 62 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds.) It’s nice to see a serious sport finally get the recognition it deserves: http://www.euronews.com/2017/04/30/finns-compete-in-annual-hobby-horse-championship. Now, let's see video documentation of "Human NASCAR" complete with the speeding, lane changes, a pit-stop, crashes, etc. You & at least 5 friends must be drivers of "vehicles" of your own design, complete with corporate sponsorship logos. All vehicles must be motor-free and foot-propelled (ala-Flintstones) and all engine sounds must be vocalized by you and your friends. Just to be clear... this is Human NASCAR, not roller derby. All vehicles must be propelled on foot.

#93 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / Get an elected official’s signature on a statement (written on official letterhead paper) declaring gishwhes an act of lawful resistance or civil disobedience. (Inspired by U of C Scav, 1987)

#94 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Camouflage yourself in a pet store.

#95 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) The Silicon Gourmet has been teaching a neural network to generate recipes. Learning to cook is hard (as my son can attest)! In the interest of encouraging budding AI chefs everywhere, create a Food Network-worthy video preparing one of the recipes as described in the network’s cookbook. Make sure to sample the results on camera. Oh, and you must look and behave as if you were a droid, of course.

#96 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / (Try to take a very close-up photo - a.k.a. “Macro” photo.) Nice grill! Combine the “tiny food” trend with urban fashion. Show someone cooking tiny hamburgers & hot dogs on a friend’s “grill” (the dental kind.)

#97 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Do something fitting in front of the Gereja Ayam (the abandoned Chicken Church of Indonesia). For example, you could play a game of Duck, Duck, Chicken! Or you could ponder the question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or you could host an easter egg hunt… You get the picture.

#98 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / A marionette show featuring a puppet of Trump being controlled by a Putin lookalike. Quintuple BONUS POINTS if Putin himself is the puppeteer.

#99 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / Letterboxing (http://www.letterboxing.org/ or see https://www.atlasquest.com/) is a game where people hide small weatherproof boxes in publicly accessible spaces with a logbook & a stamp. They share the clues to find their box on the web or via word of mouth. Create a letterbox for your team & share clues so other teams can find it over social media. Leave a logbook with your team stamp on it in the box. Then, find another teams’ box and leave them a message of encouragement along with your team’s stamp in their log book. Submit proof that you found at least one other team’s book & the message you wrote. NO COLLUSION! (And that goes for you, too, Donald.) // UPDATE NOTE: Please either pickup your boxes after the Hunt ends or dedicate yourselves to maintaining them post-hunt.

#100 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / Calliope. Clio. Euterpe. Erato. Melpomene. Polyhymnia. Terpischore. Thalia. Urania. Inspirational goddesses of literature, the arts and science in Greek mythology. On the steps of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square, provide a visual representation of the muse that guides you in your art and/or life.

#101 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As I'm sure you’ve seen, over the years we have marketed gishwhes relentlessly and shamelessly (because we really want everyone to do it). This is the last gishwhes, so now it’s your turn to go ahead and show us how we should’ve marketed it. Create a gishwhes ad that no one would be able to resist. Note: you may make false or misleading claims if you so choose, but because we’re curious, you could even take a stab at a legit one. …

#102 / PHOTO / 74 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! During the First Annual and Last Ever 2017 gishwhes Tea Party, we identified gishers based on their right-brush or left-brush toothbrushing statuses. Conduct a massive poll on your social networks for the gishwhes Institute of Vital Statistics to prove conclusively whether people brush their teeth starting on the same side of their mouth as their dominant hand or the opposite side. Because this is solid science, your sample size must have a minimum of 400 respondents. Submit a visually-compelling graph of your poll data and the number of votes and the winner. Use the hashtag #gishwhesteeth. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page.

#103 / VIDEO / 26 POINTS / Play hopscotch at one of the marker sites of Víddaflakk. (BONUS: Play Interdimensional Hopscotch.)

#104 / PHOTO / 90 POINTS / A far-right Republican senator and a far-left Democrat Senator (or two similarly “diametrically party-opposed” legislative makers in your country) co-wearing a very large (fits two people) “This is Our ‘Get-Along’ Shirt.” Caption the image with the names of the politicians.

#105 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 81 POINTS / We know a little girl that makes a different kind of Advent Calendar. As she marks off each day on the calendar, she gives something away. Make your own version of a reverse Advent calendar. On the first day of gishwhes, create a decorated Advent calendar whereby, for each day on the calendar, you depict something you’re going to give away. Then, each day of the Hunt, take a picture of you fulfilling your calendar item. Submit 7 pictures in a grid (or a video slideshow) showing what you’ve done. Then, continue on through the calendar period. (Yes, this will continue after the Hunt is over, but though gishwhes as we know it may be ending, its spirit will live on in you!) -Keegan Connor Tracy’s 10-year old daughter

#106 / VIDEO / 79 POINTS / The Lumbasumba region is being protected this year by Gishwhes. We gishers managed to purchase for permanent preservation more than 60 square miles of the Lumbasumba forest during the final weeks of registration in July! But the Lumbasumba area is more than just a forest. It’s also the hottest new dance craze. Show us how it’s done. (As all gishers know, you need to do it next to a REAL monkey, a parrot, or a camel to do it right.)

#107 / VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds.) AMOK ITEM! Let’s virtually graffiti the world with kindness! Using a GPS tracking app (like Figure Running or similar), walk, jog, or run as large a path as you can to spell out a message of love, hope, or kindness. As you go, stop and perform acts of kindness and document them. You must show us the map with coordinates at the end of your path as well as the minimum of 3 documented act of kindness. - Inspired by Tia Pogue

#108 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 28 POINTS / The chickens have come home to Proust.

#109 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Up to 22 seconds.) Wonder Woman being “Superman-splained” to.

#110 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / The return of the Three-ingredient Challenge! Show us: Triptych, Transylvanian, takin.

#111 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 45 POINTS / A street vendor handing out toilet paper roses at the toilet fountain in Foshan, China.

#112 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / A ballet troupe in tutus, engaged in a bar brawl - freeze framed at its most climactic moment.

#113 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / Set up a Maximum Security Birdhouse in a beautiful public park.

#114 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Let’s see a TripAdvisor or Airbnb review of your mother’s womb as an “extended stay hotel”. Keep it suitable for work and any child’s prying eyes! // UPDATE: Item only needs listing, no review necessary. / UPDATE: Item deleted.

#115 / PHOTO / 83 POINTS / Make A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Le Grande Jatte by Seraut into an elaborate dot-to-dot image.

#116 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Not many people know this, but the Kessel Run was actually a foot race. Let’s see at least 5 Star Wars characters competing in the Kessel Run in a shopping mall.

#117 / VIDEO / 65 POINTS / Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Let’s see Dean Winchester driving a pedi-cab or quadricycle with Castiel & Sam as passengers.

#118 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 60 POINTS / Rumor has it that Amazon is teaming up with the Vatican for a bold new service: On Demand Drone Deliverance services. Show us a drone administering a wedding service, confession, last rites, communion or baptism.

#119 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Trump l’oeil. (This is not a typo.)

#120 / VIDEO / 91 POINTS / You’ve heard of a soap box derby, but the sofa bed derby is where it’s at. Let’s see two “race car” sofa beds, each with pajama-clad “drivers”, racing down an actual street. Be safe and complete this where there is absolutely no traffic!

#121 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / The people of Iceland believe in Huldufólk, which are invisible elves. They build tiny houses and churches for them. But the Huldufólk deserve to have a nightlife, too! Let’s see a tiny Huldufólk nightclub in a busy urban area.

#122 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / They say a rolling stone gathers no moss, but can moss gather a Rolling Stone? Make a portrait of one of The Rolling Stones out of moss.

#123 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / As all gishers know, Saturday, August 12 is “Meet Another Gisher Day.” Meet up in front of the largest art museum in your town at 10:00 AM (of whatever timezone you’re in). It’s a pot-luck coleslaw brunch this year, so bring your favorite family recipe of coleslaw… and as much sidewalk chalk as you can. After brunch, decorate the pavement with a collaborative message to the world. In order for a meet-up to count you need to have representatives of at least 5 teams present, so this will require some organizing. Gishwhes is all about coming together, so teams may collaborate (gasp!) on this one, but your team’s image or video must still be all your own.

#124 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Be someone’s “rock” to get them through the hard times. Hand-paint small rocks with a message of kindness & leave them in areas that need a pick-me-up. (On the underside, please write “Pass it on.”) You must paint & hide at least one rock for each member of your team.

#125 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Time-lapse under 20 seconds.) All good things must come to an end, and so it is with the Hunt. Create a “sand” mandala featuring images that symbolize the hunt to you… all using pixie sticks as your chakpur and sand. When it’s done, show us your masterwork and then, just like the Buddhist monks, sweep it away and get ready for what’s next.

#126 / PHOTO / 88 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Reward! I won’t say that Jensen & Jared are missing their balls, but they were last seen being sent into this quarry at Britannia Beach. Find them, take a photo, and put them back exactly where you found them for other teams to find. If you keep them, you will lose valuable karma & points. // UPDATE: Added safety advisory and strong caution based on reports. // UPDATE: Apparently Item #126, the one in which you are charged with finding Jared and Jensen’s golf balls is not going well. Now, granted, these are jared and jensen’s balls, so one would expect them to be quite hard to find. But it seems their balls are leaving a tremendous number of people unsatisfied as well. (To make matters worse, the owners of the quarry in BC have also installed a “no trespassing” sign since the hunt started and several bears have been spotted there by gishers as well.) So… I’m suspending this item. However, there will be a replacement item soon wherein you will be seeking out my golf balls, (which have never left an unsatisfied customer yet.) Also, if you have already completed item #126, you will be able to submit your photo of Jared and Jensen’s ball(s) for the new item and get full credit. The new item will be assigned the same number of points.

#127 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 64 POINTS / These Kung-Fu Nuns (dare we say “Nunjas?”) are biking through the Himalayas to stop human trafficking. (No, really.) In their honor, let’s see some tricks on a BMX bike. Rider must be dressed in a nun’s habit.

#128 / PHOTO / 84 POINTS / Get a Porcupanda or other gishwhes mascot included as an emoji on an official iPhone emoji list.

#129 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 57 POINTS / IMAGE or VIDEO. Pope St. Francis set up a laundromat to help the homeless get access to clean clothes. Follow his lead by setting up a service station to benefit the homeless or impoverished in your area (a “take what you need” public pantry, toiletries cabinet, water station, public shower, public toilet, laundry facility, open library, etc.).

#130 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / A tactometer used to measure tact.

#131 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Make a collage that features things only locals from your town would know about. Display it prominently in a public space in your town.

#132 / PHOTO / 79 POINTS / Couch Surfing 2: The Revenge. Last year, in our infinite wisdom, we suggested “couch surfing: real surfing, real couch.” We quickly came to our senses and pulled the item for safety reasons, but it’s been a year and we don’t hold onto the past. Couch surfing: Let’s see it in the real surf with a BUOYANT (e.g.,inflatable) couch. You may not use a real couch as it’s too dangerous and bad for the ecosystem. Make it happen. (You may not leave any couches in any body of water and you must be super safe with this. If waves are too big, do not do it.)

#133 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Waste not, want not. Save every piece of non-biodegradable refuse that you would have normally thrown away from Days 1-5 of the Hunt and on day 6, use this material to create a sculpture of an endangered animal.

#134 / VIDEO / 21 POINTS / My wife is so trend-forward, she recently took a “goat yoga class” (it’s real; you can google it.) Without hurting, upsetting, or endangering ANY animal, show us the next trend in animal-infused yoga that she should get on board with.

#135 / VIDEO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! (Up to 30 seconds.) Freeze frame on a picture of you (like they do at the end of movies) and then roll a credit sequence for your own life. Include a "here’s what happens to you in the future" sentence or two and then a listing of the people that have helped you get where you are now or where you are going and what their “titles” are. Post this on the social media channel of your choice with the hashtags #gishwhes #mylife. Submit the video, and in the comment field provide the link to the post.

#136 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / Often misunderstood and rarely properly pronounced, chupacabras just need a good home. Adopt one and show us your favorite bonding moment.

#137 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Take an elderly person (at least 70 years old) on a joyride in their favorite car (same make and model and vintage) from their youth. The elderly person must be at least 70 years old; the car, at least 60 years old... and you and the senior must be dressed in period attire that reflects the era when the car was manufactured.

#138 / PHOTO / 52 POINTS / Prejudice is something we can easily see and call out in others. However, we all have biases and prejudices of our own that we are often blind to. You’re going to have to dig deep here - but you’re a gisher, so we know you can do it. Show us you taking a step to overcome one of your own prejudices.

#139 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Each member of your team must knit or crochet one piece of a quilted throw that, when combined, showcases your team emblem or symbol.

#140 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Everyone talks about drum circles, but they grossly underestimate the power of other shapes. Create a complex shape with as many sides, angles or curves as you can, and demonstrate the power of percussion geometry - with as many drummers as you can drum up.

#141 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / At least 8 people walking in twos, on the Tiger & Turtle in Duisburg, Germany as if it were an actual roller coaster. They must keep their hands up as they walk the track, except for one of the front “riders” who is clenching an invisible lap bar, terrified. It’s okay to be nauseous.

#142 / VIDEO / 80 POINTS / As all gishers know, a Gish Gallop can only be performed by a Forbes 1000 CEO in the lobby of that CEO's company’s headquarters on a hobby horse or a live pony. Caption your video with the name of the company and CEO that we are watching as they Gish Gallop. // UPDATE: CEO list changed.

#143 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / Sure, most Stormtroopers toed the line, but back in the 1960s there were a few draft-dodging peacenik Stormtroopers. Find a famous vintage photo of a peace sit-in or Woodstock-level love-in and flawlessly photoshop in one or more Stormtroopers. We must think it’s the real thing. As an alternative, you can stage your own “peace” picture and submit an “aged” stormtrooper sit-in image. YES, YOU MAY PHOTOSHOP THIS ITEM!

#144 / VIDEO / 37 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) An impromptu concert consisting of a chocalho, an apito, a reco-reco, and a pandeiro. (Bonus points if you perform in front of, or in, the Teatro Amazonas.) Oh, and of course the musicians are playing Carry On my Wayward Son by @kansasband.

#145 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Oversized board games are a trend, with oversized Jenga and such. Let’s see a game of tiddlywinks being played— scaled up to giant-sized.

#146 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Two nice suburban monster moms out for a day of shopping at Hoxton’s Monster Supplies in England.

#147 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / Paint an extraordinary portrait of your favorite gishwhes mascot with the brand “D2N” (with the 2 backwards) on the Werregarenstraat.

#148 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 38 POINTS / Dress up as a superhero and perform acts of “kindness” heroism at Hősök tere (Hero's Square).

#149 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 25 seconds.) Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gets a lot of attention for being super hot. Frankly, it's starting to detract from his ability to govern. Cool things down by making a sculpture of Trudeau out of Canada's most ample resource: ice. A couple of caveats: the frozen water you use must have something added to it to make it opaque, and inside the ice must be something emblematic of canada that doesn’t melt (for example, a hockey skate). The timelapse must be of the sculpture melting revealing the object hidden inside. Make sure to frame your shot with a fitting or neutral background so that the final product really pops.

#150 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Ireland has the lowest reports of UFO sightings in Europe each year. Something must be done about this! Make and display a convincing UFO in a public place in Ireland to increase the number.

#151 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / Visit Cat Island (Tashirojima, Japan) dressed as a dog. You must have at least 10 cats in the photo.

#152 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Decorate the exterior of your home like the Pan House, using whatever object speaks to you.

#153 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / Not to be quixotic, but wind power and automation are the future of personal grooming. Create a wind-powered device to automate a self-care process. Could be a wind-powered shoe shining machine, a wind-powered, toothbrush, etc. (It must actually work and must actually be powered by wind.)

#154 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / There’s a UFO Observation Deck (redmonkeygroup.com) in Slovakia. On Sunday, August 6 at 3 PM Slovakian time, grab your friends and dress up as your interpretation of extraterrestrials and go there. Bring luggage and queue up outside of it as though you're boarding to go back home (you don’t have to enter).

#155 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Over the years, we’ve had menstrual-hygiene supply sculptures of everything from dinosaurs to seagulls to puppies. We’ve also gotten a lot of flak for encouraging waste, and in protest gishers have donated thousands of menstrual pads to shelters, (which actually proves that in fact we at gishwhes can do no wrong). This final year’s list wouldn’t be complete without a menstrual-hygiene sculpture, so we’re ending this by splitting the difference: Create a tiny, perfectly sculpted statue of Michelangelo’s David or another famous historic sculpture of your choosing out of a SINGLE tampon, and then donate at least 1 box of menstrual hygiene supplies to your local shelter. Submit the image of your sculpture. The donation will be on the honor system. Remember, KARMA is a bitch.

#156 / PHOTO / 71 POINTS / Sure, Misha & HRH Queen Elizabeth II had a rocky year in 2016 with their “Brexit Breakup”, but despite a brief conscious uncoupling, theirs is a love that stands the test of time. Prove it by showing us Egyptian hieroglyphics, Greek urns, or other recently-unearthed archaeological finds that prove theirs is a love that has lasted through the ages. If you’re choosing to do a hieroglyphic, you may NOT permanently deface any stone - use chalk!

#157 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! NASA is soliciting tweets to send to Voyager 1. Tweet your suggestion with #gishwhes. I suggest it be the following theme: Voyager 1 ran to the store and you are texting to remind it to pick something up at the store. But we will permit messages of any type so let your imaginations run wild. Submit a screenshot of your post. Provide a link to the tweet in the comment field of the submit page.

#158 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Thanks to “reactions” we can now communicate our feelings more clearly to one another! But Facebook limits us to just 6 reactions and we at gishwhes HQ believe that this limitation constraints our ability to express nuanced emotions to one another. Let’s see an updated version of the Facebook “reactions” with feelings like “silently judging you”, “reacting positively to your face but planning to gossip about this later”, and “I’m just not sure how to feel about this” and other more subtle emotions. You may photoshop this item.

#159 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Who said you couldn't Hunt while in hospital? Certainly not any of us! Show off your large-scale cartoon skills by writing the longest poem (or drawing the largest mural) you can, all about the adventures of a virus caught in a hospital, on a scroll made from a roll of exam table paper.

#160 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 41 POINTS / As you all know, my grandmother lives at Roland Park Place in Baltimore, MD. It’s a senior assisted-living home. She’s been hesitant to have the shenanigans of gishwhes descend, so let’s legitimize that fear... from Tuesday to Thursday 10AM to 4PM ONLY PLEASE! (DON’T SHOW UP AT ANY OTHER TIME OR IT WILL BE AN INCONVENIENCE TO THE GUESTS AT THE HOME and you will be docked points!) Let’s invade Roland Park Place literally! Show up dressed as an extraterrestrial on an interplanetary goodwill mission. Bring an offering of your home planet’s favorite treats or creature comforts (games, large print books, slippers, slip-proof socks, soft blankets, etc) and specimens of natural beauty from this planet (humans like that). You will get 25% bonus points if you perform this item at Roland Park Place (that’s the added value of nepotism), but you can get full credit if you perform this item at any retirement home/assisted living facility.

#161 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / David LaChapelle is a renowned experimental photographer known for his kitsch-pop surrealist style. Recreate a well-known painting as a photograph in the style of David LaChappelle. Somewhere in your image there must be a banana, and you may not depict The Last Supper. (2X Bonus: get Dave Chappelle to star in your David LaChapelle homage.)

#162 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 33 POINTS / Lube luge. That's it. That's the item.

#163 / PHOTO / 60 POINTS / This Hunt’s must-have fashion trend: an aquarium hat with live fish. The aquarium hat must not endanger the live fish in any way.

#164 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: Get a bonafide zillow listing for property on Mars.

#165 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / https://twitter.com/zenxv/status/845474882607632384

#166 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 30 seconds.) Follow a tomato back in time from the local co-op to where the farmer grew it. Thank them for their service by sharing a sandwich with them… one that has slices of that tomato in it.

#167 / VIDEO / 29 POINTS / (Time-lapse up to 20 seconds.) There are two things that science has proven unequivocally: 1) global warming is happening and 2) sucking the melting ice cream from a tiny hole in the bottom of a sugar cone is the greatest possible pleasure in life. (Minimum 5 rounded scoops on top and you must suck all the ice cream through the tiny hole.)

#168 / PHOTO / 66 POINTS / When the apocalypse comes and the power goes out you are going to be sorry you are so digitally-dependent! Have your social media page printed on microfiche… just in case.

#169 / PHOTO / 27 POINTS / Write "Ass butt" (in non-toxic kids finger paint or chalk!) on the hindquarters of an Ass. (This should go without saying, but be careful & safe. Approach from the side, never stand directly behind it, and try to keep the donkey happy so you don't get injured.)

#170 / VIDEO / 88 POINTS / Angels may be all-powerful, but they’re luddites (technologically behind the times) and it affects their productivity in the office. Let’s see an angel writing something on an old-school mechanical typewriter (not electric) featuring a working Enochian keyboard. (The keys and keystrokes must correspond to actual Enochian typeface.)

#171 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, with a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume in the driver’s seat. // // UPDATE: Machine should not be operational during photo op. / AMENDED ITEM: A stump grinder with a unicorn decal, being pushed by a child no more than 7 years old wearing a pink princess costume. (Edited because Misha is not much into stump-grinding and thought a stump grinder was something else.) It should go without saying, but this is a photo op. The stump grinder should not be on or operational. Safety first!

#172 / PHOTO / 32 POINTS / Now that this may be the last gishwhes-as-we-know-it ever, it’s time to reflect on missed opportunities. Let’s see the Item List Misha SHOULD have made all these years. Give us your team’s ideal gishwhes Item List with a minimum of 10 Items. If the majority of the items you create look like no thought was put into them (and you were just quickly writing down items to get the points), you will receive zero points.

#173 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 55 POINTS / Complete one of the more challenging items on your team’s homemade gishwhes Item List.

#174 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / DELETED FOR REASONS // ORIGINAL: An Airbnb listing for the gishbus.

#175 / PHOTO / 36 POINTS / Everyone knows “high noon” means “high tea”. Bring a little bit of civilization to the frontier with Wild West teacup and saucer holsters.

#176 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / For our gish cousins in the antipodes where the days are short and the nights are cold: Establish a “TLC” station at Federation Square, opposite Flinders Street Station in Melbourne or on the steps of the Opera House in Sydney, and provide a little warmth – be it a coffee, a heat pack, or simply a smile – for those making their journey to work on the cold winter mornings. // UPDATE: Melbourne TLC location changed. (Original said “Establish a “TLC” station under the iconic clocks at Flinders Street Station in Melbourne”.)

#177 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / A Scottish terrier in a Scottish kilt eating a scotch egg in front of an Irish monument.

#178 / PHOTO / 54 POINTS / The Prague Astronomical Clock – or Prague orloj – is the third oldest astronomical clock in the world, and the oldest one still operating. But imagine if this feat of mechanical engineering did more than mark the passage of time... Imagine it could actually take you back in time! Gather your teammates, friends, and family members together and show us the time period you would travel back to if this historic clock warped the time continuum. Note: You and your time-travelling companions must be pictured in front of the clock.

#179 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / (Up to 45 seconds edited.) Share an audio dream diary of your first thoughts as you wake up every morning of the Hunt (so you cannot submit this until the last day of the Hunt!). It must be the first thing you do before you get out of bed.

#180 / VIDEO / 111 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds.) Cinema has evolved, but some actors don’t. Let’s see a silent film actress against a 1920’s style black-and-white-set. The actor/actress must have exaggerated facial expressions and the score must be nickelodeon-style piano music. Suddenly, the music changes… It's hip hop and modern technology comes in with color and sync sound, but she's still black and white and still mouthing words with title card.

#181 / PHOTO / 87 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

#182 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Seamlessly modify using photoshop (or other digital altering software), a well-know oil painting by adding in an anachronistic element. For example, if it were a Monet, you might put one of the ladies under a parasol holding an ipad. YES, YOU MAY DIGITALLY ALTER THE IMAGE YOU ARE SUBMITTING… with a catch. The anachronistic element must be rendered seamlessly into the image in the style of the original painter or creator. It must look like a part of the original composition; we should not be able to tell it was added in later. Post the image on FB and/or Pinterest. Submit the image you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post in the comment field of the submit page. #gishwhesModernMasterpiece

#183 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / You are all soon going to be a part of a sinister plot to take over the world… in a unique way. But we need your help. Here’s the first thing you have to do: Decide what your favorite point of interest, historical site or national landmark is in your town or city and enter its address here: http://qrickit.com/qrickit_apps/qrickit_qrcode_creator_geo.php . Below the map on that webpage you’ll see an “optional text” field. Enter “Taken by CFG”. Then click “Qcreate” at the bottom. Download the QR code and submit it as your item. Stay tuned for what comes next...

#184 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 92 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds if video.) Last year, we helped people around the world get access to clean water. But it's been a year and the problem certainly hasn't gone away. In fact, as global temperatures rise, the problem is only going to intensify. Work with your team to create a realistic (not a joke or parody) schematic or prototype of an easy-to-set up portable personal AWG (atmospheric water generator) system that could be used anywhere in the world. It must be cheap to build (aim for less than $10) with parts that can be found in any hardware store. It must be compact & light enough for a nomadic or homeless individual to carry around. Ideally, it would collect enough water in a day to sustain someone for that day.

#185 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Hug a national forest! Grab as many friends as you can and go to your favorite national forest or park and be tree huggers. Set the camera up so we can see all the tree hugging action clearly.

#186 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / One of the biggest problems astronauts will face when they travel to Mars will be figuring out how to bring enough food for the three year journey. Porcupanda has offered the idea of making their spacecraft out of food. Show them how. Build an edible spacecraft using anything except “space ice cream” (Per our resident Director of Intergalactic Space Exploration, that stuff tastes like strawberry Styrofoam: “Bleecht!” as he so eloquently put it.)

#187 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 51 POINTS / Every year, the scientists at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab make spectacular pumpkin carvings that put our humble Halloween jack-o-lanterns to shame (see https://www.wired.com/2016/10/watch-nasas-high-tech-pumpkins-action/). Whatever. What’s a rocket scientist got that you don’t have? Let’s see you out-do them! Show us your best and most outlandish WATERMELON-O-LANTERN carving. - Dave Lavery // UPDATE: Now PHOTO OR VIDEO submissions will be accepted.

#188 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / For many years, military aircraft sported spectacular “nose art”— artistic homages to people, places, and ideas important to the aircraft crew. As aesthetically appealing as aircraft nose art may have been, we think they botched it on the choice of canvas. Show us your best nose art - but this time, get it right! All art must be on, around, or incorporate, your nose.

#189 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 32 POINTS / The World’s Worst Lawyer.

#190 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / Oranges are the new black! Let’s see your most a-peeling cocktail dress all made out of - you guessed it - orange peels. Pose in a crowded urban bar.

#191 / VIDEO / 72 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds time-lapsed and/or edited.) You didn’t think we were going to let all those oranges go to waste, did you? Wall Drugs has signs announcing Wall Drugs locations hundreds of miles before you get to the store, so drivers get to anticipate the goodness coming. Place signs along 5 miles of road leading up to an orange juice stand that speaks hyperbolically of the life-changing rejuvenation of the coming refreshment with a countdown of the miles. You must have a sign at least every quarter of a mile along the path. If this is insurmountable to you, at the very least, host a freshly-squeezed orange juice party in your backyard for all of your neighbors. You won’t get points for that, but you’ll use the juice and make some friends.

#192 / VIDEO / 47 POINTS / (Time lapse up to 25 seconds). In our busy world, people sometimes forget to slow down and see the beauty around them. Perform a task at work extremely slowly while everyone around you carries on at normal speed. When this is played back in in time lapse, you’re performing at normal speed and it’s the world around you that’s going too fast.

#193 / PHOTO / 10 POINTS / The Riemann hypothesis of mathematics includes the Riemann zeta function, which categorizes some zeros as “non-trivial zeros" and others as "trivial zeros." We think this unequal treatment of zeros, which are clearly all equal, is just wrong! Hold a protest in front of a university mathematics or computer science building with a sign that says something to the effect of "ALL ZEROS ARE EQUAL" or "NO ZEROS ARE TRIVIAL!"

#194 / PHOTO / 67 POINTS / Do you spend too much time indoors while you GISH? It’s time to get outside! Dust off your bicycle, grab a friend or two and go out and ride a 50-mile bike ride (this can be done over the entire period of the Hunt and may be done either on a long road trip somewhere or in different round trip legs to and from your house)! You must track your progress on a GPS drawing app. (Bonus points if you draw a picture of a gishwhes mascot with your path.) Oh, by the way - you need to be wearing part of a pineapple or banana (in some fashion) while you ride. Submit an image of your GPS drawing. Yes, it would be easy to cheat on this item, but let’s all take the high road and practice honesty on this one.

#195 / VIDEO / 235 POINTS / (This video can be as long as it takes to do the job, but we hope the job goes quickly and it is gobbled up fast so the video is short!) Using a steel shredder, shred a decommissioned bus. It must be a full sized bus with at least 10 rows. It may be a school bus or a municipal bus. It may not be a VW MiniBus; it must have been built to seat at least 30. Paint a message that conveys the fact that gishwhes recycled becomes CFG (we’ll explain later). For example, you could write: “Recycled gishwhes = CFG" in large font the side of the bus. Feel free to word this differently, but convey that message. The bigger the bus the better. Oh and paint the windows of the bus to show it’s passengers. (Obviously no living being is in the bus.) Although you should upload a video as your submission, be sure to take pictures of the event in case we need those for the coffee table book (we’ll email you for them).

#196 / PHOTO or VIDEO / 62 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! THIS IS A TOP SECRET ITEM! DO NOT SHARE ITS CONTENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA UNTIL DIRECTED OR YOU WILL RUIN THE SURPRISE AND BE DELUGED WITH BAD KARMA. By now, most of you may know our friend Giles Duley. If not, watch the video at the top of this page. Then, watch here to see what he did with us recently: https://youtu.be/-tOt9LfZF9w ...and he’s doing something amazing with us again with us this year (which we’ll be announcing VERY soon). Giles inspires us and we want to thank him for all of his hard (and often thankless) work. So, we’re going to thank him... BUT WE’RE GOING TO SURPRISE HIM! SO PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT POST ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE DESIGNATED TIME: On Friday, August 11th, at EXACTLY 9am PDT, we are going to give him a “thunderclap” of thanks on the Internet. Because Giles thinks EVERYONE can make a difference no matter their circumstances (and he’s a living embodiment of that), we’re going to prove it. Here’s your job: before the 11th, go out and do an act of kindness. But not just any act of kindness... Giles works hard to help refugee families and landmine victims, so your act of kindness should focus on expanding his work exponentially through the power of gishwhes and gishers. Do something that makes a meaningful, material difference in the life of either a refugee or someone who has been directly impacted by war. If you’re at a loss of how to do this, here are some suggestions: bring a care package to new refugees in your neighborhood, go to a refugee center and volunteer, bring a warm meal to a homeless veteran on the streets, volunteer at a soup kitchen where you know there are war veterans, make a donation to an organization that helps with reconstructive surgery and prosthetics for war victims, or sponsor a child made homeless by the war with a one-time or recurring donation. If you can’t manage to find or coordinate any of the above (but please try!), simply carry out a random act of kindness for another human being on the planet who could legitimately use some kindness. Dig deep on this one, guys. The goal is to cause a ripple effect from the work Giles is doing and expand it worldwide. Let's do this. Capture an image or video of this act. At 9am PDT on Friday, August 11th, post the image or video on Facebook with a detailed description of what you did and crosspost to Twitter. Be sure to mention Giles in the post. (For Facebook, tag @GilesDuleyPhotography and on Twitter, tag @gilesduley with #thanksGiles as the hashtag.) Submit the image or video you take on our site, but provide the link to your social media post link in the comment field of the submit page.

#197 / VIDEO / 24 POINTS / Play a few bars of a well-known tune on a well-known musical instrument—but not in the well-known manner. Play a cello tucked under your chin, a saxophone with mallets, or piano as a string instrument with a bow, that sort of thing. The more unexpected the utilization, the more points. -David Pogue

#198 / PHOTO / 108 POINTS / CHANGE A LIFE. "It gives me hope. I feel special when I'm doing it. If something bad happens to me, all I have to do is dance..." -Timarandarin (14 years old) / Last year gishwhes worked with the charity Random Acts and Giles Duley’s Legacy of War to forever change the lives of three refugee families by raising over $250,000 in just a few days. Anybody who has seen these families' smiles will know what an incredible impact we had working together. / This year, we are teaming up with Random Acts and Legacy of War again to grant the last wish of a dying woman, and in doing so, we will save the dreams of hundreds of children who live in some of the world's poorest conditions. / Fiona Sargeant, a former ballet dancer from England, founded and runs a ballet school in an impoverished township in South Africa that for years has provided ballet instruction, meals, education, safe refuge and ultimately hope for hundreds of children. She is not a doctor, nor running a large foundation or charity, but she does know how to dance and she wanted to give back to the world. She is the living proof that EVERYONE can make a difference, if their heart is behind what they’re doing. / Sadly, Fiona has terminal cancer and only has weeks to live. Once she passes, she expects the school to be shut down. But there is a plan in motion that, if funded, would carry on her legacy. Let’s grant her dying wish and BY THE END OF THE HUNT let her know that her children will be taken care of long after she is gone. / She has no idea we are going to do this! We are going to surprise her with this colossal random act of kindness at the end of the Hunt! / We’ve created a Crowdrise page here that tells her story. DONATIONS ARE 100% TAX DEDUCTIBLE AND 100% OF THE DONATIONS GO TO THE SCHOOL (for countries other than U.S., deductions are contingent on your laws). The Gishwhes Item here: create a fundraising “page” for your team on Crowdrise where family, friends and others can donate. Since this is Gishwhes and there’s always an extra twist with everything we do, here’s the deal: we also want you to get OTHERS to donate to your team’s Crowdrise page. We know you don’t need “points” as an incentive to help these kids, but since it is part of the Hunt, we want to maximize the power of these points to help. / Here’s your assignment: start a page and get at least 10 donations from people or businesses NOT on your team. You and your team members are welcome to donate to your campaign, but that is not a requirement for points— the Item requirement is to get at least 10 people to make a cumulative total of least 10 donations who are NOT on your team. There is no minimum amount to donate for GISHWHES purposes, but Crowdrise does require a minimum $10 donation be collected, and let’s all please encourage others to be generous above this so we can make a profound impact. SUBMIT a screenshot of your team’s page with a minimum of 10 donations on it. (To initially create a fundraising team, click the “Join the Team & Create Your Own Fundraiser“ button.) // UPDATE: You reached the goal of $150,000 in just TWO DAYS. Now we need to make it to $200,000… If we can do THAT, we will be able to fund multiple scholarships for the students, allowing them to travel to other countries to train, compete, and take their experiences and skills back to South Africa! If anyone can make it happen, it’s the gishwhes family… So let’s do this & make some dreams come true!

#199 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / Breaker, breaker! Tune in for details: CB Channel 27 (Frequency 27.27500) broadcasting near Lacy Park, San Marino, CA. (Latitude: 34.1204167 Longitude: -118.1201348) DATE & TIME: 8/7 12 PM PDT & 4:30PM PDT or 8/9 9 AM PDT. Listen on Broadcast CB CHANNEL 32 (Frequency 27.32500) broadcasting near Hermann Park Conservancy, Houston TX (Latitude: 29.7160286 Longitude: -95.3886413) DATE & TIME: 8/11 NOON CT

#200 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! She should run! First, research upcoming local, state, and federal elections in your area. Second, nominate, via social media posts, qualified female citizens you think should run for specific elected offices in those upcoming elections based on their qualifications and/or passion. Make a post on any or all of your social media handles, tag them (so they see it!), and explain why you want them to run, using the hashtag#SheShouldRun. But your nomination post is not what you submit on our site! IF you manage to get a woman to publicly commit to running in the next election cycle this week via their social media, submit two images side-by-side: an image of your post “nominating” them to run, next to an screenshot of their social media post committing to run, and provide a link to their post in the comments field of the submit page. Note: Candidate must not have already announced their intent to run for office. We have assigned a special prosecutor to scour the internet for your candidate’s previous declarations of intent-to-run and will vet them.

#201 / PHOTO / 61 POINTS / Outside US: 00-1-323-645-0703 Within US: (323) 645-0703

#202 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / A gisher wrote me recently stating, “I started gishwhes in 2015 myself and my children all joined in and had the best week of our lives, so much fun, so much love, so much laughter. In December 2015 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer… But I didn't let it beat me. We signed up for gishwhes 2016 and made beautiful art together and performed many acts of kindness to those around us and in need, my children now 10 & 8 have those lessons in their hearts now, to spread kindness and love to all around them! Unfortunately I am too sick to participate this year, but hope to still be here to see all the wonderful creations everyone makes, and if I'm not still here when gishwhes starts I will be watching down on you all, cheering everyone on.” Obviously, I cried when I read that. We emailed her back, but haven’t heard back… So this one's for you, S. (and your kids), with love from me & everyone in the gishwhes family: Find a local hospital or cancer center and coordinate with them to deliver a comfort bag(s) to a patient. Fill a cheerfully decorated canvas or cloth bag with items to provide palliative relief and comfort to a cancer patient: soft eye masks, scarves, a soft blanket, socks, ginger tea or candy, unscented natural lip balm, sudoku or coloring books, puzzles, poems, etc. Include a note of support or encouragement if you wish. (Please don't say "get well soon.” Phrasing like, "we're sending you our love" is better.) Please do not take a picture with the recipient... Just the bag. We trust you to deliver.

#203 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Bearby Von Bearamucci has an interview for a position as White House Communications Director on Saturday, August 12th at 8pm ET sharp! He was all set to drive the Gishbus across the country, but its engine wouldn’t start and he has a terrible fear of flying. He’s counting on gishers to help get him from Redding, California to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC before his appointment (by passenger car or truck only. NO PLANES, TRAINS, SHIPPING SERVICES, OR BUSES). Your instructions are here. Coordinate with other gishers to pick up Bearby and take him at least 5 miles, but no more than 100 miles, from your starting point. On your leg of the journey, post a pic of you, Bearby, and the gisher you’re handing him off to at a diner, rest stop, or point of interest (please geo-tag the location). Tag @gishwhes, the next gisher, and @BearbyVonB and use hashtag #GetTheBearThere. You MUST hand Bearby off to the next gisher to complete your Item or you get zero points. Submit your photo with Bearby to us and provide a link to your post in the comments field of the submit page. You will get 40 points if you take a picture with Bearby and a sign with your team name on it, or 60 points if you take a photo with Bearby and transport him (please include side-by-side image of the map points as well). If he makes it to his appointment at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in D.C. by 8 PM ET on August 12th, you will get an additional 50% in points (for a grand total of 60 points for photo only, 90 points for photo + transportation). Yes, we know how convoluted this item is and that it seems destined for failure— but I believe you’ll spit in failure’s eye and say, “Not today!” Sidebar: gishwhes HQ nearly came to blows as we debated over whether providing maps and tools to help facilitate your journey was “helping” and therefore “cheating”, but after a rousing bout of coleslaw-wrestling, “Team Give Them Maps” claimed creamy victory, and so you may use these resources to help you coordinate the journey. But feel free to ignore the map entirely. Because you’re better than that. IMPORTANT NOTES: 1. Members of the same team cannot collect multiple submissions for this item. 2. Make sure other teams get the chance to help Bearby! Yes, this means you can communicate and walk the line of “collaboration” in your hand-off attempts. 3. Individuals transporting Bearby must take him at least 5 miles or up to 100 miles in one trip. 4. You may NOT take him near your homes. We have a GPS locator on Bearby (due to past felonies) so we don’t want to compromise your home locations. 5. Do not exceed the speed limit by more than 5 miles per hour, because that’s what the cops are cool with, obviously. This isn’t Cannonball Run. Make it happen, gishers. Bearby is counting on you to help him land his dream job! // UPDATE: Mileage limit increased from 50 to 100 mile trip.

#204 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Escape Gishwhes! https://www.gishwhes.com/escape-room/. If you manage to break out of this wild ride of mystery and mayhem, you’ll be prompted to enter your Team Name to document your success via an online form. BEFORE YOU HIT THE SUBMIT BUTTON, take a screenshot showing your team name in the Text Input Field and save the image, THEN hit the SUBMIT button. Your submission will be uploading the screenshot on our item list (backed up by what the online form sends gishbot).

#205 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / We've received a bit of criticism that the hunt is "not really a scavenger hunt, it's just Misha getting people to help him with his chores." I'm honestly shocked anyone would say that! Also, people have been complaining that there are "too many geographically specific items" (items that require you to show up at a certain place). I want you to know that I'm listening and processing your feedback! So, I'm adding the following item: Help me help you help me help myself. Show up at 10 AM PDT sharp on August 11th at this location in Bellingham, WA. Wear long sleeves (pants and shirt) and bring a small bucket. Pick at least ONE quart of blackberries and DEPOSIT them into my big vessel so I can make lots of jam. For the item submission you must do two things: 1) You must find the woman in the sock monkey hat with the sheet of paper who is taking down team names and 2) You must take a photo of yourself with your bucket of berries. We will cross-check our list with your submitted photo as your proof. No taking pictures with me, because last year we did that and it ended up taking forever. If no one one on your team lives nearby, you may assign a surrogate, but no surrogate may service more than one team.

#206 / PHOTO / 17 POINTS / We got this letter to our support gnomes:

Name: [REDACTED]

Message : Hello Gishpeople. I want to question why there are so many specific-locations-that-aren't-Sweden only items, and no Sweden only items. I speak for all Swedes when we say that we find this very saddening. We don't understand how you could miss out on an opportunity like this, since Sweden is a very beautiful country, containting great things such as Dalahästar.

We, as a nation, expect a formal apology for this, of course.

All our love, and some sad wonders,

[REDACTED]

Sweden, you're absolutely right! You are a beautiful country and it's time we stopped overlooking you. You deserve a formal apology as requested and so in the interest of international diplomacy, it's our duty to deliver and rectify this egregious oversight. With that in mind, (I hope you'll forgive me but this is a location-specific image to appease Sweden, guys): Take a picture of yourself in front of the biggest landmark or point of interest in your town while holding a beautiful hand-lettered sign that reads, "We Are Sorry, Sweden". This is a location-based item, so you may do this anywhere in the world... except Sweden.

#207 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Nothing says "good life choices" like a last-minute rush job tattoo. Get inked with a tattoo that includes "We create therefore we live" or another gishy quote written in any language other than English. Feel free to adorn it with mascots or other hunt-inspired iconography. PS: Don't try to repurpose an old tattoo— we'll be able to tell and your team will be docked points.

#208 / PHOTO / 18 POINTS / As you know, no one was able to successfully find Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles' balls in Canada. Misha's balls are a lot easier to find... maybe because they really get around. Find Misha's balls in any of the following locations & take a picture with them. Then put them back EXACTLY where you found them so another team can have a chance to get their hands on Misha's balls, too. LOCATIONS: near the Cathedral Basilica, Newark, NJ; outside Gatorland, Orlando, FL, near Rothko Chapel in Houston, Texas.

#209 / PHOTO / 77 POINTS / Gishwhes is over tonight! Forever! The crumbs of the great multi-year, wild and weird global feast are soon to be all that's left. Let's see you work magic on these crumbs (real bread crumbs or whatever other crumbs you wish to use) and turn them into a portrait of actor Misha Collins. -the Gish Gnomes

[musiconanironingboard]

21 February 2022: Cope’s Notes #2: Droolian, Julian Cope. (2021 Head Heritage Press expanded reissue of 1990 MoFoCo/Zippo release)

It would be easy to assume that Julian Cope stopped producing new releases 25 years ago. After a stint as an MTV “Buzz Bin” artist of some acclaim, he turned after his 1988 album My Nation Underground to seriously experimental material, issuing the two indie albums Skellington and Droolian, both 1990, before continuing to move about the bewildered major-label system with a series of confrontationally avant-garde pop albums—all quite good—on through 1997′s Interpreter before leaving the system entirely. Cope didn’t stop there; since 1997, he has released what feels like literally dozens of albums on his own Head Heritage label, veering back and forth from ambient instrumental epics to more skewed pop to sludge metal and so on, much of it aggressively political and anti-religion, to the point where it will alienate a lot of people, but it is fairly clear Cope prefers it that way. I could write a book about the post-corporate Cope catalog, so I’ll just stop there and focus on the peculiar item before us today.

Droolian is a lo-fi sort of solo recording, like its predecessor Skellington. Island Records did not like when Cope produced and distributed Skellington on his own, and so he went and did it again with another set of far-out material. Somehow Island not only didn’t drop him, they released two more albums by him, probably praying he’d give them another MTV hit. He would never return to that land, however, and his subsequent Island albums Peggy Suicide (1991) and Jehovahkill (1992) spelled the end of his Island days. Cope freaks may have loved those albums, but we also wanted to track down the elusive indie albums he’d been doing on the sly. Droolian is dedicated to the then legally embattled former frontman of Austin, Texas, psych band The 13th Floor Elevators, the back cover reading “FREE ROKY ERICKSON” and the album allegedly being released, at least initially, only in Austin. I can’t say that’s really the only town where it was released, but it is the town where I bought my copy many years ago and I’ve never seen another one anywhere. 

Cope has been revisiting some of his older works over the past decade or so; 2011 saw The Jehovahcoat Demos, an examination of Jehovahkill-adjacent material; in 2018, he made the all-new album Skellington 3, uncharacteristically returning to an old idea for the creation of new music (Skellington 2, which I’ve not yet mentioned, came out in 1993); and in 2019 and 2021 he issued new collections of archival oddities from his first major band The Teardrop Explodes, who broke up in 1982. That 2019 Teardrop collection was issued as Cope’s Notes #1: The Teardrop Explodes, coming as a CD with a thick booklet of writings. Cope has written numerous books, and his writing can be compelling and interesting, and so the notion of a lengthy booklet of essays by him is a good selling point for even the sketchiest collection of archival strays. That leads us to what I’m posting—the second entry in that apparent series Cope’s Notes is actually a reissue of the original 1990 Droolian album. It includes not only “44 pages of previously unpublished handwritten lyrics, notes, poems, photographs + 4,000-word memoir The Droolian Story,” but also the “unreleased sequel Droolian’s Mother,” 13 bonus tracks in 22 minutes. 

When I consider the crazy packaging of this and the previous Cope’s Notes release, I do wish they came in more substantial form. As you can see from the pictures above, the front cover of the book has a CD spindle on it; the disc is just stuck right there to the front cover. The second cover above is the back cover. Cope does have the foresight to put it all in a protective plastic sleeve, but it’s flimsier than sandwich cellophane and one day I am sure it will rip straight down the side when I’m using it. Art design is credited to his daughter Avalon, like many of his Head Heritage releases, but I hope it wasn’t her idea to stick the CD on the front of the book.

Below we have a close-up of the CD itself, still on the spindle. I should have taken a photo with the CD removed; it’s simply the same view of the dog’s face.

Here is a glimpse inside the book. Why I didn’t photograph a page showing one of the photos, I don’t know, but this shows how dense the notes are—these are no quickie recollections or track descriptions.

I would show you pictures of my original 1990 Droolian LP, but it is currently at my brother’s house on loan with a big chunk of my Cope collection, as he has decided to spend major time this year with the man’s music. I think my brother has already bought everything I loaned him for himself; I know he also has this crazy Droolian reissue! These are just photos I lifted off the internet, but nonetheless this is what Droolian looked like in its original form:

[there-for-him]

A Look Into Tae’s Sexuality

Part one of my LGBTS analyses

Hello, it’s Charlie here again, and in this post I’m going to be sharing my opinion on Tae’s sexuality. Or in other words, why I believe he may be LGBT+.

Of course, I should start this by saying, yes, I do not in fact know what his sexuality is, the only way to truly know is if he says it himself. With that being said, I do think that we are allowed to speculate on the matter. If we weren’t, they themselves would have said so. And also, this is Tumblr so who gives a fuck. And we need to acknowledge the possibility of idols not being straight. Talking about this will only pave the way for a future where they would feel safer to be who they truly are.

Another thing I should add is that, if you are expecting this to turn into a t/k analysis, I apologize, but it won’t. I myself believe in Jikook, as those of you who already follow me know. In fact, this post won’t really talk about any ships in a way that is trying to prove their legitimacy. There will be a few moments that are mentioned but they will be used mainly to prove TH’s attraction to men. Who I ship and don’t ship won’t have anything to do with this. But I’d also like to point out that I love all ships (OT7 is the best) so I won’t be looking down on any of them here.

And of course, if you want to discuss any of what you said, feel free to drop into my ask. Just please stay civil, I want to keep my blog positive so if you’re going to be rude I just won’t answer you.

Now, let’s get onto the actual post:

I’m going to be building my case (I apologize for my dictionary, one of my hobbies is competitive debating so bear with me, I don’t take myself as seriously as it may seem) on a few things that are more obvious in of themselves and then a few that may not mean anything if look at separately but when put together make too much sense. Also, I’m only going to be mentioning only things I can analyze. There are things he has done that I, as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community myself, recognize as, well, gay culture (Won’t be me if I don’t use memes) but I cannot really explain (ex.: his whole kinky puppy on a leash thing he’s got going on with the other members) so I will be refraining from using those so people can’t come and say “tHaT dOeS nOt mEaN aNyThInG fUcK yOu”.

Let me start with one of the most obvious ones to me, which I know many others also agree on:

1.       Stigma

Before we even play the song, the first thing we notice is the title – “Stigma”. The Cambridge definition of the word is “a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair”. We off the bat get the vibe that this song will be about something society tends to disapprove of without a real reason, such as being LGBTQIA+. Then we notice the melody and TH’s voice. We immediately understand that the song is a sad one, an emotional one, a deep one. Now let’s get onto the actual lyrics. I’ve been hiding it

I tell you something

Just to leave it buried

Now I can’t endure it anymore

Why couldn’t I say it then?

I have been hurting anyway

Really I won’t be able to endure it

It starts off with a person who has been keeping a secret from those close to him, a secret that has been eating him from the inside. He can’t take hiding it anymore. The song starts with a confession. Now cry

It’s only that I’m very sorry towards you

Again, cry because I couldn’t protect you

The secret he has just shared is hurting the one who he shared it with. They are crying and he is sorry for disappointing them, for hurting them. More often than not, when one comes out to their family, they are met with a negative reaction. Their family has lived their entire lives expecting their child to marry someone from the opposite gender and have a traditional family. All of a sudden, their fantasy is gone. They are faced with something they do not approve of coming from someone very close to them. Along with being disappointed they are also afraid for both their child and for themselves and what the future holds for all of them. They see it as a disgrace to the family. Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper

Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse

Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day

(You) who was punished in my stead,

You who were only delicate and fragile The person who made the confession is deeply hurt. He is both sorry for himself and for disappointing his family. (I’m saying family as they are mentioned later on in the lyrics, clarifying who he has been talking to throughout the song).

Stop crying, tell me something

Try saying to me, who had no courage

Why did you do that to me then

I’m sorry

He continues on enforcing the idea that he is both hurt and apologetic. He’s sorry that he is the way he is both because he is hurting them by it and they are hurting him because of it.

Forget it,

what right do I have

To tell you to do this, or that

He believes he is not deserving of their approval, support and forgiveness. *chorus again*

I’m sorry I’m sorry

I’m sorry ma brother

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased

Here is where he shows that he’s talking about his family. Here is where we also see that what he is sorry for is not something he did, which is what most people speculate, but rather something he IS. How could he hide, conceal or erase a past action. If he has DONE something which hurt someone else, that’s not something you try to hide, that’s not how it works, for one to hide something that thing has to be present for more than one moment. Like a trait, not an action. If something he has DONE has hurt someone directly, that person must have been there or at least be aware of it, hence it would not be a secret. And here also comes the fact that hiding, concealing and trying to erase is the very definition of what being in the closet is.

Are you calling me a sinner

What more do I have to say

That part pretty much speaks for itself. Homosexuality being a sin is the main argument homophobes have. People have been and still are being killed for being gay because it’s “against god’s will”. Not to quote the lyrics but like, what more do I have to say.

I’m sorry I’m sorry

I’m sorry ma sister

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased

So cry

Please dry my eyes

For the first time in the song, conveniently near the end, he is asking for support. He is asking his family to dry his eyes even if they are also crying. Please don’t stop loving me.

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins

Where I can’t turn back the red blood is flowing down

Deeper, I feel like dying every day

Please let me be punished

Please forgive me for my sins

Please

The song ends with him begging to be forgiven. Begging to be accepted. He is hurting so much he wants to die and he just needs their love. Sin is once again mentioned, twice this time.

To finish off, Tae is the only member who has chosen not to share the meaning behind the song. The darkest song out of all seven of them, left without context. Because the context is already in it.

It is also interesting to note that we all know Tae went through some shit near the end of last year and the beginning of this year. I do know that his grandma’s passing is a big part of it. But the thing is, Stigma comes from a very deep place within him. Everyone who has read the lyrics can tell that the one who wrote them has been through a lot of pain. Something is so dark is bound to put you through hell for at least a while. It is a song that basically shows self-hate. I’m sure those of you who are also LGBT+ will recognize the feeling he described so well. I do believe he went through a serious path to get to a point where he accepts himself. And he does confirm he has gone through a lot in the letter he wrote to JM.

2.       When he fell in love with the photographer in 2 hours

https://twitter.com/ironchim/status/917878874779848704 - here is the video of the moment I’m talking about.

Main thing I’d like to point out here is how shy he gets when YG makes fun of him for having a crush on the photographer. I’m sure this reminds some of you of that time JM fell for the helicopter pilot.

3.       The reason behind his love for Gucci

Tae has said that one of his role models is Alessandro Michele, the creative director of Gucci. Here is one instance where he has said it - https://mimibtsghost.tumblr.com/post/161685823623/vs-taehyung-profile-eng-trans-name-kim . First, I’d like to point out the fact that Alessandro is an openly gay man with a long-term partner. He is also someone who has been very outspoken about LGBT+ issues, which can also be seen in one of his collection that directly challenges gender expression. Here we can also bring up Gucci’s rainbow love. The abundance of rainbow attire in Gucci is linked not only to colors but also to the gay flag. This may answer people’s questions about why some of us are making a big deal out of Tae’s Gucci phone case with the rainbow UFO and recently the same UFO as a pin on JK’s tie at 2017’s Gayo Daejun. Knowing that Tae’s role model is Alessandro conforms that he is aware of the meaning behind it.

4.       Ryan McGinley

Another one of his role models is Ryan McGinley (as mentioned in the post linked above). Who is Ryan McGinley you may ask? Another openly gay artist. He is a photographer known for his nude pictures, many of which are of men and of gay couples. Here is what Tae has said about him:

5.       This

6.       Ante Badzim

 *gasps* another gay photographer he idolizes. The two of them actually had a sort of collaboration (exchange of photographs) and Ante is the one who came up with the nickname Vante. Here is TH’s part of the exchange:

And here is what Ante gave back:

7.       “I can understand now why people look at you and go ‘oh’”

Let us never forget the time Tae posted a series of picture he took of HS on fancafe and accompanied them with this poem:

8.       Lack of boundaries with skinship

Now, we all know that SK is a lot more open when it comes to skinship between friends. But what we also know is that even in SK, there are some boundaries. Things that make people raise their brows. And Tae is very prone to those. Here are some examples:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKQu4v0Pyvo

As much as some may just want to say “he’s just a touchy person”, I as a very touchy person who is LGBT+ and has many LGBT+ friends, can tell you that there is a thing like skinship being platonic at the same time as there being no hetero explanation for what is happening. When LGBT+ friends are together touchiness and flirting takes on a whole new form, believe me.

9.       That time he accidentally called a co actor handsome and got super shy about it

In an interview with him and two of his costars from Hwarang they were, I believe, reacting to the drama. At one point Tae reacted to Hyungsik by quietly mumbling “You are handsome” but the other actors and the staff heard him and started laughing and he got so shy he tried to disappear off-screen.

10.   This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpLTlXAL-0Q

11.   I mean….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpfTP3ibqh0&index=5&list=PLAw_Pp0vdPw1_TzREMD0J5pcXmtlwOTWK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ChR_wd2rHA&index=3&list=PLAw_Pp0vdPw1_TzREMD0J5pcXmtlwOTWK

– Someone please give me a straight explanation for this, I’m begging you

12.   Checking guys out

We can’t just ignore how many times he has directly checked guys out (we all know how he has a habit of leaving his mouth hanging open when he’s amazed by something). Here is an example of this but if you do your own research you will find a lot more:

(Credit to the creator of the gif, I apologize that I couldn’t find who made it. If it’s you please contact me so I can give propper credit).

In conclusion, I am not saying Tae is definitely LGBT+ but you shouldn’t be saying he’s definitely straight either because there are reasons to believe he may not be.

Cheers!