#I never know how to talk about them outside of tumblr or the internets

[ygodmyy20]

When your work has an icebreaker for what book you’ve read recently and you have been reading so much, but all you’ve read for the past 4 months is fanfics

[euniexenoblade]

When ever other USAmericans on here talk about the atrocities of the USA and it's politicians it always gets so utterly frustrating how self centered a lot of the conversation is and if you try to talk about how the USA has fucked with a lot of the rest of the world you're usually shut down and your rant stolen to once again further a self centered dialogue.

And, I don't mean republicans or alt righters or whatever, i mean liberals, anarchists, communists, the American flavor of these groups just come off so ignorant about the rest of the world sometime that it kind of feels embarrassing to associate with any of them (well, it's always embarrassing to associate with a liberal, fuck em).

Like, the easiest example is talking about how Biden supported the genocide in Palestine ruthlessly. Biden very specifically has always been more vicious about the Palestinians than the other genocide approving politicians. But, you bring that up and you're immediately told "UH OK BUT TRUMP WILL DO IT TOO AND AT LEAST BIDEN DOESN'T WANT ME DEAD" and it's like, why is this suddenly about you? Does your life matter more than the Palestinians? How does this matter to the people talking who don't live in the USA?

And that's how a lot of these conversations go. Whenever people from Latin America or Asia or anywhere really speak up about how the USA has committed horrific crimes and how their politicians took specific moves to ruin the lives of people around the world and ruin the earth around the world, they get told to shut up and go vote blue. In an election they can't vote in. UH KAMALA ISN'T PERFECT BUT SHE WON'T KILL THE GAYS what does that do to help the Brazilian speaking out, or the Korean talking about the USA terrorizing their country, or the Palestinians facing pure horror?

It's not just tumblr or the internet either, getting involved with protesting or various political shit, the anarchists and communists I wind up around have endless demands and ideas about the future within the United States, but there's never an acknowledgement about the horror around the world. Maybe you get people supporting Palestine (and in my opinion, that's bare minimum for these groups, any lefty group not supporting Palestine is liberal horseshit) but outside of that they either don't know or don't care about the extended violence the states have spread around the world.

There's just an extreme loathing a lot of people here have for people out of these borders. Call it racism, call it xenophobia, Americans time and time again fucking hate it when the people of the world talk about how the USA is evil. They think these tragedies of being things of the past and hate it when you point out that 1) tragedies of the past have ramifications now and 2) the USA is still doing these things around the world.

But hey, I guess the Chinese blogger should just vote for Kamala, right? I mean, she'll protect the gay trans you and not the gay trans everyone else, right?

[hnslchw]

if she wasn't your last - LN4 X Reader

Summary: You haven't felt this uncertain before. Now that doubts about Lando's lingering feelings for his ex have surfaced, you're struggling to move past them. As your insecurities grow, you're finding it harder to trust him, wondering if you'll ever truly have his heart.

Based on "Did you like her in the morning?" by NIKI. (highly recommended to play this while reading)

Warnings/Themes: heavy angst and overthinking insecurities (please let me know if I missed anything)

Word count: 1.2k

Author's note: hello everyone!! This would be my very first story im ever posting on tumblr, pls be kind. For the longest time l've just been appreciating everyone's stories. I hope you guys enjoy (pls tell me if there's anything I should change or look into tumblr settings wise). English isn't my first language and im a tad bit dyslexic please bear with me if there are any errors HAHAH but please comment what you think. Thank you <3

It was never hard loving Lando. It was a whirlwind, an intoxicating rush of emotions you never thought you'd experience. Someone like him, bright and vibrant, taking a chance on someone like you—a girl who had never been in a proper relationship before. It felt surreal, perfect, at least in the beginning.

His past relationships were never something you dwelled on. Everyone has a past, you told yourself. You were confident, secure. Or so you thought. But that was before you both went public with your relationship, before the internet got involved, before every picture of you two sparked comparisons you hadn’t asked for. His ex-girlfriend, the one everyone seemed to prefer, loomed like a shadow over everything.

Suddenly, you were scrolling through endless posts dissecting every detail—her smile, her style, the effortless way she seemed to fit into Lando’s world. You, by comparison, felt like an outsider.

You tried to brush it off at first, laughing along with Lando when he made jokes about the craziness of social media. But when you opened your phone, those comparisons started to chip away at you. Even worse, there were moments with Lando that made it impossible to ignore. Like now.

He was rifling through his drawers, his movements frantic, eyes wild with panic.

“Where is it?” he muttered, slamming another drawer shut before turning to you. “Have you seen it? My bangle, the silver one?”

You felt your stomach drop at the mention of the bangle. The one his ex-girlfriend gave him. He never talked about her, but you always noticed how careful he was with that piece of jewelry, how he wore it every day, like it was some kind of talisman. The fact that it wasn’t on his wrist now sent him into a frenzy.

“No, I haven’t seen it,” you said softly, watching him tear through his things.

“Damn it,” he hissed, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t believe I lost it.”

“Lando…” You hesitated, unsure if you should even say anything, but the words slipped out anyway. “Why does it matter so much? It’s just a bracelet.”

He stopped, looking at you like you’d just said something offensive. “It’s not just a bracelet,” he snapped. “I’ve had it for years.”

You took a deep breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I know, but…it was from her, wasn’t it?”

He froze, the question hanging in the air between you. His expression softened, and he sighed, but he didn’t deny it. “Yeah, but that’s not the point. It’s… it’s sentimental, you know?”

You nodded, even though you didn’t quite understand. It was hard not to feel like you were competing with someone who wasn’t even here anymore, someone who left behind pieces of herself in Lando’s life that you couldn’t match.

“I get that,” you said quietly, “but sometimes… I feel like she’s still here. Like you’re still holding on to her.”

Lando blinked, his panic slowly giving way to confusion. “That’s not true. You know I’m with you.”

“I do,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “But when you act like this—freaking out over something she gave you—it makes me wonder if part of you still wishes she was here.”

His gaze softened, guilt flickering in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. It’s not about her, I swear. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat, trying to believe him. But deep down, the doubt was still there, lingering, just like the bangle that had somehow become a symbol of everything you weren’t sure you could compete with.

That night, after everything settled down and the search for the bangle was abandoned, you lay next to Lando in bed. The room was dark, filled only with the soft hum of the city outside and the faint sound of his breathing. His arm draped over your waist, pulling you closer in his sleep. It was a familiar gesture, one that should’ve comforted you, but instead, your thoughts were miles away.

Did his hand find her waist like this?

The thought crawled into your mind, uninvited but persistent. You could almost see it—her leaning against him, laughing with that carefree confidence everyone loved, while he pulled her close, their night buzzing with that electric excitement.

Did he kiss her goodnight?

Did he hope the night would never end?

You close your eyes, willing the thoughts to go away, but they don’t. Instead, they morph into another image, one that stings even more.

Did he laugh with her over cold cups of coffee that he hated but still drank anyway?

You’d seen him do it a thousand times with you—pushing a cup of something bitter away with a grimace, teasing you about your questionable taste, but always taking another sip. Was it the same with her? Was she the reason he developed the habit in the first place?

The questions wouldn’t stop. Every memory you shared with him felt tainted now, overshadowed by the possibility that they weren’t really yours at all. Maybe you were just walking through scenes he had already lived, following in someone else’s footsteps, trying to fill a space that was never truly empty.

Beside you, Lando shifted, pulling you even closer in his sleep, but it didn’t feel like enough. You stared at the ceiling, blinking back the burning sensation in your eyes. You wanted to wake him up, to ask him Did you laugh with her like that? Did you hold her like this? Did you want her more than you want me?

But you didn’t. Instead, you stayed silent, letting the questions twist and tangle inside you like a knot you couldn't unravel, the truth too painful to confront. You turned to look at him, his features peaceful in sleep, and wondered if you’d ever know the answers to those questions or if they would haunt you forever.

In the early morning light, his fingers traced lazy circles on your skin, but his eyes seemed distant, lost in a memory that didn’t belong to you. Did he like her in the mornings too? Was his smile brighter then? Did he hold her closer?

The quiet moments between you were filled with unspoken questions, the weight of his past love pressing between every breath. He said your name softly, but it didn’t feel like enough to anchor him here, with you. You're falling, but you wonder—has he ever truly caught you? Or is his heart still wrapped in the warmth of a love that wasn’t yours?

You want to ask him. The question sits on the tip of your tongue, Are you still in love with her? But you don't. You stay silent, afraid that by giving voice to your insecurities, you'll make them real. You cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, you're overthinking it, that it's all in your head. After all, he’s with you now, right? That should be enough.

But deep down, you can't shake the feeling that you're sharing him with a memory, a past that he hasn’t fully let go of. And it's hard to compete with a memory. So, you keep your doubts hidden, tucked away in the corners of your mind, even as they threaten to pull you under.

Because in the end, you're afraid of the truth: that he loved her in the mornings, just like this. And maybe, just maybe, a part of him still does.

"I know it would be easier if I just didn't ask, but it'd also be easier if she wasn't your last"

[stychu-stych]

I know that by definition we will probably never get anything out of the "not meant for social media" narilamb pile, but that doesn't mean Im not deadly curious about it, like I want to know so bad it makes me look stupid

Plus I'll forever wander how bad it is. Is it just too embarrassing to share? Is it 'mildly bad and insane, but not enough to not have at least 10 to 20 different fics on AO3 with those same hcs' bad? Is it 'so bad that you CAN'T find it on AO3 of all places' bad? Secret kink you don't want to share with the internet (very valid tbh)? Secret third (technically fifth) thing??? I want to knooooow /hj /sillygoofy

Dhdhdhhd that post is kinda old, I put it on my tumblr when I was more afraid of posting things on the internet. Especially when a lot of people started to follow me in a very short period of time. Everytime I posted something more gore-ish or suggestive I've got reported and sometimes my posts were deleted (mostly on tiktok and instagram). I still don't know if that was just one person doing that or bunch of them, or I was some algorithm lottery winner djdbhdh Maybe people expected something different looking at my artstyle (I know it can be described as "cute") and they were mad when I started posting something else? Idk idc really but it was pain in the ass

I also heard a couple of times from not anonymous people that if I create something about toxic relationships (arts, headcanons etc.) that means I support this kind of behavior. Or "romanticize" is a better word. Some of them changed their mind and apologized so we're good now but still I've received so many of comments like this that I started to carefully select what I want to put on the internet and what I want to put into the closet

But it's better now, I'm not that scared of social media like I used to be, I'm also on therapy and it's going great (not only but mostly because of my growing visibility on social media that was scary for me at that time. Never really talked about that with anyone outside my close friends, this is the first time I'm talking about it publicly. Also don't worry, I'm getting better now 💖)

My headcanons are mostly about narilamb relationship that is super toxic, I'm just really into psychology, emotions and why people behave in some certain way. About hurting each other, being jealous, manipulating and controlling. I just like to analyze why brain can work like that and what has to happen for someone to make them act like that. And I like to put all of that in fictional characters

So yeah, now I think that my headcanons aren't that bad, people are just assholes jdbdhdh I'll probably post more about my Narilamb relationship, I just need to find some straight to write it *sob* And I'm not the strongest soldier if we talk about writing, especially in english sjdhdh but I'll try my best 💪

[transmascposi]

I feel really isolated because I hardly see any trans masculine positivity posts,,,, The only posts I see,, that are even shared by my own friends,,, are those that are complaining about trans mascs and how we're evil, ugly, and ruining the trans community,,,, I don't know what I did wrong besides simply exist as a trans masculine person,,, I still face misogyny and now I'm facing transphobia from my own friends,,, I even had to block somebody who said 'I have never found trans males to be sexually attractive' and instead of people telling them that's transphobic everyone was agreeing with them,,, I don't know where to turn anymore because everyone hates trans men so badly,,,, plus it's interesting that ppl will say how much they hate trans men but then fetishize our bodies,,,

I feel you. It's so lonely and difficult sometimes. It can feel like the whole world hates you. But I promise it's not like that. There's a lot of people who love us, really.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, it wouldn't justify this treatment. You are valid and amazing and you bring so much beauty to the world and to the queer community. I had to cut off a few internet friends who hated on trans men and I don't regret it one bit. If they hate trans masculine people, I suggest cutting these people off. They are not good friends to you.

My advice is to try to spend less time online. The hate is much more concentrated here, and it's much more openly vicious. We certainly do have bad things happening to us in real life, but from my experience at least, the hate online is on another level. There are encounters that we can't really prevent in real life, but you can control the majority of your interactions online. I suggest avoiding the hate as much as you can, even if it means not spending time on your favorite platform. It can seem like I'm stating the obvious and I probably am, but at the same time, when I struggled a lot with online hate on trans mascs, I would keep spending time in trans masc spaces on tumblr that are full of this hate. I think we have the tendency to dwell in the hate, for whatever reason. To reblog it to argue with it, to keep repeating the same points to people who don't care about the truth, to try to counter the lie that trans mascs have it easy by witnessing the hate as a getcha. I'm not saying that you do this necessarily, but I definitely did it.

My second advice is to go out and meet people who understand and support you. A wonderful way to do that is activism. If you can, join your local trans activist group! You don't have to have inspiring speeches on big podiums and argue with people. You can help with small practical tasks — those people are very much needed and appreciated! Or you can find your local queer events and go there. It can be intimidating at first, especially if you go alone, but there's always someone a little bit lost at these events. People get it. Again, it definitely can be very difficult, but try to talk to some trans people there. Or anyone, really. You will find out that there's a lot of people who support and get us. And people who might not fully understand yet, but they want to try and they want to help. Even these imperfect encounters will warm your heart enough to forget a little about all the hate, even just for a moment. And being in activist circles and hearing people say your exact thoughts out loud — oh man it's SO satisfying. These people don't even have to be your friends. I'm trying to be an activist and there are people who I have fun with and who give me a sense of community — yet I don't meet them outside of activism stuff because I know we aren't a good match to be friends. And yet, their existence in my life brings me a lot of warmth. Building community is the key, really.

I wish you the best of luck and strength and I hope you will feel better soon.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i cut off someone reaching out for help on tumblr? i am a very anxious person. ive been on tumblr a very long time because most all other social media terrifies me as someone who grew up with the wild west internet a decade past (im in my late 20s) so i feel sometimes with how reckless and spurractic people can be online in chatroom and especially clearly public platforms where any stranger, malicious or otherwise can just archive your digital presence for personal use.

more recently as someone who has been here during the pornban and as an asexual really enjoyed the quiet with no drama farming and a slow pace to talk about more unique political topics in a measured way it is something im strangely nostalgic for and a great example of my sensibilities to people when they insist that i use other platforms like discord or twitter or whatever clone for these services comes out of the old guard introducing feature creep to copy everyone else or any other indi "were the anti corporate version" of the endless scroll apps. i just dont want it. tumblr is special because im desktop only, been here for years, and i have kept track of every single change made so i have manually adjusted the change through hacks to evade every bad decision on here and make my set up look identical to how it was in 2010. so let it be understood that i tend to be a loney person because of this stubbornness. web 3.0 is too dangerous to people with addictive tendencies that my adhd brings out and my need to wear my heart on my sleeve. so i hope i defended my personality type enough to show why someone like me would see a post about some horrible abuses they have fell victim to who also share alot of the marginalized status as me and writing depressive things in the replys of others posts as to attention seek about it.

i directly interact with this person, not only to check if they are real (but wow, modern chat bots make this part horrifying for me. we really cant ever know for sure what is real anymore. trying to find warmth on the internet feels impossible now a days) i have multiple conversations at this point both venting and just casually shooting the shit. but the begging for me to constantly repost their paypal makes me so nervous in a way that i feel so guilty for because it reminds me of all the scams that get associated with this kind of ebegging and the reminder that capitalism takes away all warmth from human interaction to make them purely transnational and conditional. but then it just has been escalating where im so scared that now its not enough that im reposing on my 8 follower, all mutual blog, they are asking me to share it on other socials. accounts i do not have i have a flip phone and a laptop and i am tinkering with a windows 7 tower that will never be connected to the internet so i can always have software sit perfectly in its time capsule for when i need it. i do not have a way to help this person outside of what i learned from collage psyche classes. a part of me is so scared to just abruptly cut them off and just delete my entire account like i tend to do often on tumblr for a multitude of reasons, its a part of what lets people survive being here this long but i worry that would crush them if i did that, i dont want to make them feel more hopeless and unwanted then they already talk about. but i am text on the internet through a screen. i can only do so much. so would i be the asshole if i just deleted my account with a "i hope you hang in there, the world is a harsh place but keep moving" to cut someone so similar to me who is struggling out of my life?

What are these acronyms?

[skyfallscotland]

@heartfeltletters-written asked me 💥 How do you feel about criticism? and it felt like something that needed its own post, so here goes: the hypocrisy of critics in modern fandoms, an essay.

Criticism. I don't like getting it or giving it when it comes to writing. I struggle to even gently give it to friends, even when they ask me what I think of their work. Writing is such a personal thing that we pour our heart and soul into and like you say, many criticisms aren't necessarily valid. By that I mean, there's a difference between "Amy you use em dashes a lot babe" (I do) and "This story would have been so much better if Remi were a virgin" (actual criticism I have received, lmao). 

Unlike traditional authors, we will never make money from this, we do it for the love of it and it's time we will never get back. For some of us, it's time we could be working on our own original manuscripts too. I don't think people who give the second type of criticism are writers, generally. They don't understand the craft and what goes into it. Whenever I post and someone says a chapter was short or they immediately ask when the next one is, and that's all they say, I die inside a little. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard.

Personally, I think fandom behaviour is getting worse and that flows over into our comment sections and tumblr asks. I have a whole other dissertation on this that we’ll call ‘the slow death of fandom as we know it: an essay’, but that’s perhaps for another post. I don’t know how welcomed that commentary would be. 

You said the word ‘entitled’ in your original ask and I think that’s spot on. People have become more entitled in general and downright rude (which is not restricted to online spaces, by the way). I write for ACOTAR, but you’ve never seen me discuss it here because no matter what you say in that regard, you can’t win. Someone will always attack you and I do mean attack. Even in regards to Fourth Wing, I don't talk about my opinions a lot outside of my own little bubble of friends and readers.

And that's the kicker to this whole conversation, really. If I were to criticise Iron Flame/RY everyone would jump down my throat (as has happened on other platforms), even though I'd never say it to her face. Do I stand by my opinions? Absolutely. But it would be rude to tell her them, unless asked. I’m not allowed to (validly) criticise certain elements of her story, a published novel, without being attacked for it, but those same people are fine criticising my work directly to me. Hypocrisy at its finest.

There’s a new influx of people to fandom spaces who are completely unwilling to integrate and completely unwilling to be kind. You mentioned those who criticised your work could have saved themselves the trouble and read the tags, but the thing is: they don’t want to. They can’t be bothered to take five seconds and figure out how they work, to curate their own experience, because that’s what half these people are like. They want an algorithm to do it for them, gods help us.

For me, personally, I'm my biggest critic. I also have raging generalised anxiety, so just posting on the internet is enough to send me spiralling (seriously, I feel sick just typing this out). It's very, very out of my comfort zone and I've been very, very lucky so far to have cultivated the readership I have, full of very like-minded people. Perhaps due to some of the darker content matter. But the second I get harshly worded comments, I get upset.

I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just a fact. I get upset about it the same way I would if you were standing in front of me saying it to my face, and for someone with depression and anxiety, that lingers. I'm getting better at laughing at them, but it's like when someone tells you they don't like you and your mum says "just ignore them"—not that easy, right? 

So yeah, I don't mind if you want to tell me I use a lot of em dashes, or that I've used a word incorrectly in context, but I don't need to hear how much you hate original character fic when you could just use your last remaining braincell the back button and continue on with your day. Just be kind, is all I'm saying.

[mrpibbleswildride]

HEARTBREAKING NEWS FOR BUTCHFEMME TUMBLR: THAT FREAK SWEETHARTFEMME IS BACK!!! 🙃🙃🙃 (now @moonluvfairy )

oh my fucking god every time i take an internet break this bitch keeps coming back!!! is this a sign to never leave 🤔 ??? at least it seems theyre going outside and touching grass at this point... but they definitely have not learned their lesson bc theyre victimizing themself AGAIN and trying to take on a whole new identity/pretend they are someone new 😭

anyway. sweethartfemme puppycatfemme batdollyfemme claudia all their millions of names IS THE SAME PERSON AS saturnfemme who changed their user to sunkissfemme then stemmefawn then earthfairyfemme and femmesunbeam and now as of 10/11 moonluvbugz then miffystemme then sweethunnyfemme and as of rn @moonluvfairy ... literally doing the same name change thing every time someone calls them out lmao. i think theyre going by serenity/juno/mars right now. grift CONTINUIIIIING. as soon as they posted that voice and face reveal it was over like theres no coming back from that... @ursaius posted proof about the voice reveal that this is claudia back trying to get away with this bullshit lol. they also posted about their face reveal and how there was hard proof that theyre the same as photos of claudia you could see in the background of their sisters posts but i cant find that post anymore. probably because its sensitive info im sure u could ask him though

anyway you know the drill block this freak before they change their username again LOLLL like jokes aside they are a fucking predator and a danger to this community. making your whole personality about loving and PROTECTING butches after you catfished a butch you were dating with a strangers photos you were asked to stop using several times is fucking insane btw. not to mention a lot of those photos being of a literal 14 year old and being posted to your NSFW ACCOUNT. and catfishing several other minors as an adult for like 3 years. insane.

so please block @moonluvfairy before they change their username again and stay safe! this person is a real danger to our community. they also have a side account used to be called sweetfawnfemme and is now stemmehoneycomb their instagram is honeycombfemme_ and their tiktok is moonluvbug.

if you have no clue what im talking about but want to be aware of the actions their trying to hide heres some posts about it

@ursaius's post about the whole situation including a google doc

@toothfairyfemme's post about claudia/serenity impersonating + gaslighting them for multiple months

@toothfairyfemme's post about claudia/serenity catfishing using photos as a minor

my post about them being a weirdo

[obliqueblade]

A Post from a Friend

Hello, everyone. I am not Obliqueblade, and for those who have been here before, I’m sure you know what that means. For those unaware, or those stumbling across this blog in the future, I will explain. 

The original owner of this account, my best friend, has died. 

I didn't even know that she had a Tumblr, nor that she had planned to leave it with me after everything. It breaks my heart a bit to see her updates and talk about her prognosis as she did. 

I’m sure I’ll have more to say, eventually, I do plan on doing as she asked, completing her work the way she wanted- but for now, I want to grieve my friend. Then, I want to talk about who she was, explain just how much this community meant to her, and generally just talk about one of the greatest people I’ve known. 

She did leave a message she wrote a month ago, about a week before she passed, and I would like to share it with you all now. 

Feel free to leave comments, I’ll be back to answer soon. 

Thank you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have been putting this off for quite some time, but I fear I have no more time I can delay. Despite everything, I’m still a procrastinator at heart. I have spent far too much time thinking of how I want to address those who have stumbled onto my account and on my writing, but I fear for all my writing I am not sure how to word what I feel. 

Rather than continuing to wait, I have decided to write what I have collected of my thoughts thus far. I deeply appreciate those who have left likes, comments, and reposts of my writing- even those outside of “Who are you, really?”. When I started this journey, I had not anticipated it taking as long as it has. I also did not foresee what would occur at that time. I had thought I would live to see the end of my fic, but that can no longer be the case.

But that is the way life works, I suppose. Most people are not dealt the hands they deserve, nor are they given nearly enough time. 

I have always wished to help people- I had hoped that I would be able to achieve that in my life, but I am not sure I can say I have. Regardless, I am grateful for those who were able to contribute to my happiness these past few years. 

Recently, I have to admit I took a step back from writing, as well as watching Hermitcraft. I fear my heart may not be able to take not knowing what I will be left never to know. Waiting on those cliffhangers of “what’s next”- when I do not know if I will wake up tomorrow. 

I am satisfied with what I have seen so far, and as of writing this, Joel has announced his own TCG common card. I have asked the friend I have left this account for to get one on my behalf to join the others I have. I would like them, as well as all the merch I have to be with me. It feels important that even though I will no longer be here, those stay with me. 

While I may not be watching Hermitcraft as I wait, I am pleased with the memories I carry—the joy they bring me. The edits, art, and stories this community has created supported and distracted me in some of my darkest moments, and I truly regret that I will not be able to finish this story, with my own words, the way I had intended. 

Finally, I want to say, thank you. Even if you are discovering all of this after my passing, I am grateful to all those who have stumbled into my little corner of the internet. Just because I am gone, the things I have gotten to create will forever remain as moments captured from a different time.

This was truly the happiest few years of my life and in the words of Technoblade himself

 “I hope you all go on to live long, prosperous, and happy lives because I love you guys”

~ObliqueBlade Out

[mixu]

Hi, hope you are doing well. )

I am curious to know your impressions, anecdotes, experience of being a veteran SNS shipper. How was your experience with Naruto fandom? Has it changed? It would be great if you could talk about it.

Hi! I hope you’re doing well too. I barely receive any asks, so I’m excited.

Ah, my experiences and anecdotes being in the fandom, especially as a SNS shipper (does it count as shipping if they’re canon?) … It’s more than half of my life (I feel like I’m talking to my grandchildren) so this could get long.

I’ve been part of the fandom for 17 years, but it’s just recently that I’ve gotten to interact more with other fans both pro and anti sns. This mainly for three reasons:

Time period

When I entered the fandom internet and social media weren’t what they are today (that’s how old I am). I barely had access to internet for school and quickly read the new manga chapter before having to disconnect.

Location

Younger people don’t realize this but the globalization of manga and anime are quite recent. Now you can find merchandise even at the supermarket and a great catalogue of series is at your disposal with minimal effort. And being an “otaku” in the 2000’s was begging to be bullied at least in my country, so I preferred to keep my interests to myself.

My personality

I’m not the most social of people.

Thus, in the beginning, the fandom was nonexistent to me. It was just me, what Kishi wrote and my thoughts.

Little by little I got to interact with other people who were mainly shônen fans, and never read outside of that demographic, so there was no chance they would recognize a “non-pure shônen” even if it hit them in the face. There was not much to discuss aside from who would beat who, and I wouldn’t have been able to articulate it back then anyway, but my guts knew there was something different about Naruto. More than met the eye.

I next met a different part of the fandom in the form of fanart and fanfiction, but at that time it never crossed my mind that people would cling to those non-canon portrayals with their life. I would say most of these fans are avid consumers from other demographics that got attracted because something (the romance or the potential gayness) caught their eye, but are only interested in how to bend the characters to fit their vision. I know fanfiction and fanart are supposed to be self-indulgent, I enjoy it and write it even, but I’ve mostly managed to separate from the real thing. Not many discussions about the story as a whole (please keep in mind we were all teenagers back then).

So, none of those previous fan groups seemed to understand what I couldn’t put into words, and for the longest time, because my understanding of Naruto and Sasuke’s story was mostly instinctual, I had to go along with it. I let myself be gaslighted into believing my thoughts were just a byproduct of my fujoshi tendencies (I guess it could be right to call me fujoshi, but never due to Naruto).

After a quite long break, not just from Naruto but from manga and anime in general, I came into contact with the more educated part of the fandom in tumblr, and I finally got to put into words what was behind Naruto and Sasuke’s dynamic thanks to all of the great analysis that I found. I got vindicated and felt like I could finally live in peace but it was short lived.

When I met all the crazy antis, oh boy, I understood why ignorance is bliss.

That being said, there are indeed a bunch of obstacles between the fandom and understanding the true significance of Naruto’s story. However, not all of them are due to lack of knowledge when it comes to narrative devices and storytelling tools. I’m far from proficient in that topic and I can confidently say I got it.

Discarding those who will perpetually live in denial due to bigotry, homophobia, lack of an open mind, cultural differences, etc, and after much pondering elicited by this post of yours, I’ve come to the conclusion that the shônen label holds way more power than I originally thought. Or better say, all that shônen represents functions as the most effective reality filter.

Because Naruto was labeled as shônen:

The dudebros who only care about the power escalation won’t understand even if they are not homophobic because they came for the blattles and cool powers, nothing else matters.

The lost shôjo readers who force nh and ss into focus and think they can bend the “romance” to cater to their taste because a shonen writer would drop the ball with something as delicate. “Let Kishimoto draw his battles, we will fix the deficient love story because we know how true romance it’s supposed to look like. We wouldn’t be interfering with the hero’s story, anyway.”

All the while ignoring they are dragging a bunch of toxic tropes with them. They don’t see their pairings as failures because shôjo also has its good share of toxicity and abuse.

The fujoshi and fundashi who despite coming after the gayness, still miss the point because they do not care about the story so long as two hot men are kissing or fucking or whatever. They don’t actually believe in sns because most of their pairings are ships for fun, anything can be shipped, (pencil-senpai and sharpener-kun) so they see Naruto as a love story only under their terms but never in canon.

Then we have people that read a wider range but fail to look at the story as anything else than one written for male teenagers. Got shôjo for romance seinen and josei for more maturity, so shônen is meant for an easy quick snack.

Some of my friends, that I consider very intelligent people, way more versed in storytelling and narrative and whatnot than me, who are definitely not bigots or homophobic, still miss the point because they weren’t looking for it. They realized only after I pointed it out (I even made a ppt presentation, but that’s another story).

As for the people who understand from the beginning:

There’s of course those with the knowledge to dissect the story, and who can consciously ignore the restrictions of the labels.

Yet another group (I consider myself part of this one) that manage to bypass the rules only guided by instinct, but kept second-guessing themselves until they met someone from the previous group.

Then there’s my mother, bless her, who watches anime and loves her romances, but knows shit about manga demographics and wonders how the fuck Naruto and Sasuke gave birth to Boruto because in her eyes that little piece of shit has to be their son.

So once again, it all comes back to Kishimoto and his decision sell his soul to Jump. Was it all for fame or money? Was he too hopeful and naïve? Was it all a cruel prank?

What happened to mangakas like Tezuka? That man knew no limits.

That’s it for my thoughts on and interactions with the fandom. I think I leave my evolution as a sns stan for later if you’re interested in it.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

lmao bc u keep putting it on my dash (/aff) can u pls explain the d&p stuff to me?

Dan and Phil are vlog YouTubers (although they did start a gaming channel) who were REALLY famous in the 2010s and then started popping off again recently.

They became online friends first, ✨ through the magic of the internet ✨ and then at some point in 2009 Dan boarded a train to come see Phil, and then just kind of...never left? He went to college but it was near Phil's house and he spent more time at Phil's house than his dorm, with most of his stuff there. It started as him coming by regularly to "do his laundry" in Phil's washing machine but then he just kinda. Latched onto him like moss

According to a more recent video when Dan went on his we're all doomed tour, the longest that had been apart before then, SONCE 2009, was like a week. Girl.

Anyways they started doing videos together and eventually became one of the BIG YouTube channels , and also started getting shipped under the shipname "Phan". Far from being repulsed by this, they went out of their way to stalk Tumblr tags and read fanfiction in their videos, even featuring well done fanart. Even outside of Phan, like, they had a thing where for a bit every video would feature a drawing where someone drew Phil naked and they called it "today's draw Phil naked". That being said they regularly claimed to like women and be straight.

There was also some truthing and harassment with some of the more disrespectful Phan shippers who didn't follow the rules of RPF, because a lot of people didn't really know how to go about it back then and also there were some genuine assholes. So that was less fun then the normal shipping.

They launched a gaming channel at some point in I think 2016? And also released a book and a tour, which is available on DVD also.

Then they went on hiatus, and it was radio silence for YEARS .....UNTIL ......

THEY BOTH RELEASE COMING OUT VIDEOS AND COME OUT AS GAY.

Dan also talked about how it was "obvious that we're more than just friends" and everyone knew it, because. Yeah. And says that they're also more than romantic- SOULMATES, destined to be together, put on this earth so they could meet online and become Dan and Phil. Okay girl

They regularly make references to loving each other but refuse to specifically, in plain terms, tell the press they are dating, because of privacy reasons. Some people think it's a "we only want the people who get it to get it" situation, some people think their relationship is actually queerplatonic or something, but regardless there's something queer going on and they aren't hiding that anymore, nor the fact that they are life partners, but wether or not they apply a traditional "boyfriend" label to it is something they refuse to answer. Which is honestly ICONIC???

They designed a house together, had it built, and now live there together in their lovely phouse, and have also started adding the prefix "ph" to things to denote that they're Dan and Phil or Phandom related, something the Phans have also picked up. The regularly make jokes about Phan and also about not just having sex, but even their specific dynamic? Phil is apparently a pillow princess who Dan doms. Like. Okay.

They're notoriously co-dependent, they go everywhere together, if one person opens their phone the other will also look because everything they own is shared and they just use apps together like that? Like. Phil will get a text or vice versa and they'll BOTH LOOK and respond. They also tag all their posts on Instagram as shared like, basically ever since that's been a feature.

They bicker a lot and it's so silly,,, poggers

They ALSO are well known for dropping massive bombshells on their fanbase or being chaotic to them for fun. Tormenting them back for the phanfiction, as it were.

Anyway. In 2015 there was a famous Tumblr heritage post called "but seriously imagine it" where someone said this

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Dan and Phil's first meetup, that fateful day when Dan got off that train and first saw Phil in person....but it ALSO is, wildly, a day where later tonight in American Time (so most people farther up will be asleep), all of the bands in this post are performing on the same stage.

Dan and Phil have REFERENCED THIS POST recently in the leadup to this and even brought a cardboard cutout of Gerard Way out at one of their shows, so the phandom is BUZZING because of the possibility of some stunt related to the post, AND the fact it's also ON THEIR PHANIVERSARY.

this has kicked off the Phantoberfest/Pharmageddon where everyone has the same profile picture, and also lots of edits celebrating 15 years, lots of memes, and general shit posting and panic as everyone anticipates whatever shit these guys are about to get up to next.

[fanfiction4sooya]

About all the plagiarism happening right now...

Babies, I understand you all are in disbelief, shocked and disguted by those people's actions, I really do. And I also comprehend your frustation related to those cases, specifically the girl who kind of shamed the other one and was doing the exact same thing, just changing a thing or two on the stolen stories.

My personal take in this is: stop idolizing strangers on the internet. ME INCLUDED.

Most of you are young and experiencing things in life for the first, maybe the second time; and when we are young we put a lot of faith and expectations in other people, specially because they seem nice and cool on the outside but please, don't.

As a writer with a nice amount of followers I tell you, we are not what most of you think we are. We should not be put on a high shelf and a lot of us aren't people you should be looking up to. Again, ME INCLUDED.

Tumblr is something fun, but completely anonimous; some of us might be horrible people; So don't let us, strangers, get to your head. Read the stories, comment, like, whatever, but know that Lua the author and Lua the person, might be two different individuals. Spare yourself the heartbreak, honey.

Now for my fellow writers:

I know the compliments and the praise are good, great even. And I know it's a nice thrill to have an avalanche of people saying how good you did but believe me: there are people here analyzing every single bit of your stories, interactions, personal takes, everything... just so they can talk shit and put you down at your very first slip. Some might put you on a pedestal just to tip you over in a month or less.

This here is good, is awesome and I love doing it; But there's a small part of me that knows that one mistake and I'll be gone... That's why it is important to keep yourself grounded on the outside of tumblr. The validation of strangers should't define whether you are good or not. Some people are going to like you and your stories, others might like just your stories and not like you at all, some are going to hate your stories and hate you... but that's life.

Mistakes happen, some of you are still young and dumb (and I say this with all the love in my heart) and it's okay to make mistakes and to learn from them (and to be held accountabletoo!). Let's be careful with how we judge each other and also how we try to fool each other.

Don't steal people's content, don't look up to people you've never even heard the voice. Remember: we ALL make mistakes.

So keep yourself grounded and be kind to yourselves and others.

I love you,

Lua. 💖💖💖

Ps: Sorry for the activated mom mode.

[aliea82]

Saw this

And then this would not leave my head!

Words:3807 cw:bullying, discrption of injury, injury care.

"I am not yours to protect"

Steve stands against the side of his car as he waits for the kids to emerge from School. It was their monthly Friday night treat, Steve would take them all out for dinner and then to see a movie.

Eddie had started to join them, making the ride less cramped as he would take Dustin, Mike and Lucas, while Steve had El, Max, Will and sometimes Erica if she didn’t have plans with her friends.

As the bell rang he watched the crowds of kids leave, slowly disappearing from the school grounds until Steve stood alone still, a frown on his face.

Just as he went to push away from the car El and Max appeared running towards him, worry on both their faces.

Moving towards them he caught them both by their shoulders as they started talking over each other.

‘Wow, wow, slow down, one at a time guys.’

They both stopped, and then with a silent look at each other Max started to talk.

‘Eddie, he...he was meant to meet Dustin before coming out and when he didn’t he got worried. You know how he’s been struggling since coming back.’

‘Yeah, I do.’ Eddie was quiet about the bullying, but Dustin wasn’t, keeping Steve in the know about how the jocks still had it out for Eddie despite his name being cleared.

‘Dustin found Eddie, but he won’t come out.’

‘Okay, show me.’

El grabbed Steve’s hand while Max led them both into the school.

Steve tried to keep his cool, kept telling himself things couldn’t be that bad, that he knew Eddie could stand up for himself, had seen it, but the way Max was, the worry clear as day on her face made it hard for him to keep calm.

‘They had been at him all day.’ El spoke quietly as they made their way towards the gym changing rooms.

‘What do you mean?’

‘The ex-basketball guys, they...they kept at him all day, in the hall, at breaks, during lunch, they didn’t stop.’

When they got to the changing rooms the girls stopped, staying outside while Steve went in finding the boys minus Dustin, by the lockers.

‘What’s going on?’

‘He won’t come out, Dustin is in there trying to talk to him, but he refuses to leave and he won’t tell us why.’ Lucas explains looking towards the shower blocks.

‘Okay,’ he grabbed his keys from his jacket giving them to Will. ‘Go wait for me by the car, take the girls as well.’

He didn’t expect an argument and was almost proud as they did as they were told, leaving him as he walked into the shower blocks.

The sound of water filled the area as well as Dustin’s voice talking gently.

Dustin was stood right at the end of the long hall of shower cubicles, talking through the curtain, but stopping as he saw Steve.

The worry on the kid’s face matched that of his friends, but there was more than worry etched on Dustin’s face, there was anger also, something Steve hadn’t really seen before.

‘Eddie, Steve’s here.’

There was a reply but Steve couldn’t make it out through the closed curtain and falling water.

Dustin walked towards him, his eyes sad and furious at the same time.

‘I don’t know what they did, he won’t tell me, and he refuses to open the curtain or come out.’

‘It’s okay, I’ll see what I can do. Go meet the others at the car.’

Dustin just nods leaving Steve without another word.

Making his way down to the last stall, Steve stands quietly for a moment listening to the sound of the water before reaching out to the curtain.

‘Eddie, can I come in?’

‘Please don’t.’

Steve hesitates, his fingers curling into themselves.

‘It’s just me, the kids have gone, they won’t see.’

He waited a moment before gently moving the curtain aside, his heart hammering against his chest, bracing himself for what could be on the other side.

The sound of the water increased as he pulled the curtain back, but he became deaf as he looked down at his friend, huddled against the cubicle wall, water falling over his already soaked hair and clothes, bare feet placed on the floor, arms wrapped tightly around his legs, his face buried against his knees.

All around him were words, spray-painted on the walls, horrible, hateful words, some bleeding down the walls, colouring the water going down the drain, but most stark and vivid.

Murderer

Freak

Fag

Killer

Fagot

Loser

Steve stared, anger building, he couldn’t believe after all these months, after it was proven beyond reasonable doubt that Eddie was innocent, that this was still happening.

How dare anyone treat him this way.

Eddie was kind, gentle, funny, a nerd and a geek at his very core, someone the kids looked up to and loved to hang out with.

He didn’t deserve this.

‘Jesus,’ Steve reached out, turning off the water, wincing as ice-cold water soaked his arm.

Then, without a care in the world, he knelt before Eddie, the knees of his jeans instantly soaking up the water.

‘Eddie, can I touch you?’

Consent was crucial to Eddie, ever since the upside down and then months of hospital treatment, Eddie hated to be touched unexpectedly, but if he knew it was coming he sought it out, loving the attention, the affection. Steve would find him curled up on the sofa with El or Dustin watching TV, the two kids having formed a bond with Eddie the others hadn’t. Dustin for obvious reasons, El because as far as Eddie was concerned she deserved all the love and affection he could give after learning her full story.

When it came to Steve however, as soon as Steve asked for permission, Eddie couldn’t seem to get enough of the attention Steve wished to give him.

They had spent hours snuggled up on Steve’s bed, listening to music, talking shit and falling asleep together. Steve would spend movie nights playing with Eddie’s hair as Eddie sat at his feet, with El and Max using his legs as pillows.

But Eddie needed to give consent, it was a known rule amongst the group, one they all stuck to because they had all seen the consequences of unexpected touch.

So Steve waited, watching carefully for Eddie to give him the okay, which came in the form of Eddie’s fingers reaching out towards Steve.

As soon as Steve touched him, a sob escaped Eddie’s throat, and Steve pulled Eddie towards him, uncaring as his clothes instantly soaked through.

Wrapping his arms around Eddie, he held him close as Eddie buried his face against Steve’s neck crying hard as he clutched at Steve’s jacket.

‘I’ve got you baby, it’s okay, I’m here.’

Steve didn’t register the name he gave Eddie, he just held his friend, giving him the comfort he needed, his hand on wet curls, his other arm holding him tightly while he pressed kisses into the wet skin at Eddie’s temple.

It took a while for Eddie to calm down, his cries slowly stopping, but he held Steve as though he was a lifeline and Steve wasn’t going to let him go first.

When Eddie finally pulled away slightly, Steve pulled back as well, but only enough to look at Eddie’s face.

What he saw was heartbreaking.

They had beaten him.

His right eye was swollen shut, he had bruising around his jaw and his lip was split, blood oozing slowly from it. He was wearing a black tank top and Steve noted the bruising on his arms and the split skin on his knuckles, something he hadn’t registered before now.

‘Who?’

Steve demanded without thought, his anger overwhelming and clear in his voice causing Eddie to shrink back slightly.

Steve instantly berated himself, his face softening, his voice turning gentle.

‘I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you, I...’ he paused, stopping himself from needing to know who had done this. Eddie didn’t need to be answering questions right now, right now he needed to be taken care of.

‘Can you stand?’

Eddie looks at him with his one good eye for a moment before nodding. Steve helps him, then stops, taking him in once again.

‘Can you tell me where hurts the most.’ He was worried about possible broken ribs, even bruised ribs, he was also worried about his still-healing scars.

‘My face, they...they stayed away from my sides.’

With this knowledge, Steve assessed him again and could see what happened.

They had jumped him, he had fought back, getting in a few good punches before being caught, his arms held, before being punched several times in the face.

It was common knowledge about Eddie’s injuries, blasted all over the papers, deemed necessary to prove his innocence, that he too had almost died. Who ever had done this didn’t want to kill him, and so stayed away from his injuries, not wanting to cause what could be deadly damage.

‘Okay, let’s get you some dry clothes...where are your shoes?’

Eddie shrugged letting Steve lead him towards the lockers.

‘Did they take them?’

‘Yeah, and my rings, and ch...chain.’

Steve reined in his anger, he had to keep calm.

Together they got Eddie into dry clothes, consisting of school logoed sweatpants and hoodie, something he was sure Eddie had never worn in his whole school career. But they were warm and better than the freezing wet clothes he did have on.

They couldn’t find Eddie’s shoes anywhere so he ended up putting on a couple of pairs of socks on each foot just to warm them up.

‘Okay, so, what do you want me to do? The kids are waiting outside, you can’t drive. I can send Dustin and El in while I take the others home.’

‘I can drive.’

‘Not with your eye like that, and not without shoes.’

‘I can drive barefoot.’

‘I’m sure you can, but not today. So, Dustin and El?’

Eddie almost glares at him, or at least Steve thinks it is a glare, but with one eye swollen shut it didn’t have any intensity behind it.

‘Okay.’

‘Good, right, I won’t be long, okay?’

Eddie nods from the bench, his hands clenched together as he looks down.

Steve looks at him, before kneeling before him, his hands hovering over Eddie’s knees before Eddie nods again, and his hands fall onto his legs.

‘You’re safe now, I won’t let them hurt you, not ever again.’

‘You can’t promise that Steve.’

‘I can, and I will.’

‘What...You can’t protect me, not all the time.’

Steve sighs, his thumbs running gently over Eddie’s legs.

‘I need you to trust me.’

Eddie holds his eyes, searching them.

‘You don’t know who it was.’

‘I have a pretty good idea.’

‘You can’t do anything, I leave soon anyway, so why bother?’

‘I’m not going to let them get away with this Ed’s.’

‘I won’t tell you who did it.’

‘I already told you, I know who.’

‘What if you’re wrong?’

‘Am I?’

Eddie falls silent, his head lowering.

‘I don’t need saving, not this time.’

‘Eddie, ba-‘ he cuts himself off, knowing this time what he was about to say, ‘It’s not about saving you, it’s about making sure they understand that they can’t do this to people. What if this happened to one of the kids, to El?’

That was a low shot, El had been having problems when she first joined the school. The kids had rallied, Max and Mike especially, but it was Eddie who had put an end to it, stepping in when El had cried in his arms.

Steve knew Eddie would do anything for the kids, just like Steve would. But Eddie needed to understand that Steve wouldn’t let this go, that he would do anything to make sure he was safe.

‘Just...be quick, I want to go home.’

He stands, his hand going to the back of Eddie’s head as he leans in, his forehead pressing to Eddie.

‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’

He presses a kiss to Eddie’s forehead before heading quickly to his car.

Eddie huddled in the back of the car, El playing softly with his hair while Dustin sat up front, his eyes watching the two in the back through the mirror.

Steve drove carefully, hands tight on the steering wheel.

‘He refuses to tell me who did it.’ Dustin says, his voice quiet.

‘It’s okay, I’ll sort it out.’

‘It has to been the ex team, they had been harassing him all day.’

‘Dustin, let it drop.’ He looks through the mirror, catching Eddie’s eye as he lent against El’s shoulder.

Dustin huffed, his arms crossing as he falls silent.

Steve knew he meant well, but the priority right now was Eddie, not the shit bags that had done this.

He dropped off the kids at Mike’s house, the kids gathering there for the night instead of going out.

Steve was pretty sure they would spend the night plotting.

He stopped El as Dustin went ahead, his hand gentle on her arm.

‘Don’t be stupid.’

She looks at him, her head tilting slightly. She knew what he meant, he didn’t want her to go looking, to lead the kids anywhere that could get them hurt. Monster hunters or not, at the end of the day they were still kids and humans were a whole different ball game.

She nods once, not saying a word before following Dustin into the house.

Getting back into the car, it’s to find Eddie up front, leaning his head back against the seat, eye’s closed.

‘Yours or mine?’

‘Yours, Wayne is working a double.’

‘Right.’

As they drive, Eddie stays quiet, his hands clenched, shaking ever so slightly.

Getting to the house, he goes to help Eddie out but the other brushes him off, heading to the house on his own.

Once inside Eddie disappears to the bathroom leaving Steve standing in the hall.

He waited a moment before heading to the phone and calling Robin.

‘Buckley house hold.’ It was her mum.

‘Hey Mrs Buckley, is Robin about?’

‘Hi Steve, yeah let me get her.’

Hearing her call Robin he waited, keeping his eyes on the stairs waiting for Eddie to return.

‘Hey babe, what’s up? Need help wrangling the kids?’

‘What happened with Eddie today?’

‘What?’

‘Eddie was cornered in the showers, he’s been...they...what did you see?’

‘Eddie said he had it under control, I...oh god, I should have called you. They had been at him all day, little things, but he seemed totally unfazed by it all. He was being himself and I just thought he was ignoring them. What did they do?’

‘It was the ex team right?’

‘Yeah, Andy led the charge, he’s been queen Bee since Jason... Steve, I honestly thought he was okay, I would have called if I thought it would go like this.’

‘Cover for me this weekend, I wont be in, let Keith know I’m sick or something.’

‘Sure, but Steve, promise you won’t do anything stupid.’

He was silent and he heard her sigh on the other end.

‘Look after him.’ She finally says.

‘I always do.’

He hung up and headed to the kitchen, putting the kettle on and setting up two mugs, one with coffee the other tea before grabbing the first aid kit from on top of the fridge and taking out what he needed.

Finishing up the drinks he set them on the kitchen island and sat down, waiting.

When Eddie came down he had changed into clothes of his own, as well as Steve’s own black knitted jumper, something Steve had gotten while Eddie was still in hospital, it had become their jumper, Eddie normally wearing it after Steve.

Steve found himself watching him, as he sat down, taking the mug of tea and holding it in his still trembling hands.

‘Can I check you over?’

There was a small nod, so he got up and gently reached out to Eddie taking his right hand and looking at the cuts and swelling.

‘Can you make a fist?’

The hand slowly curls into it self and Steve is satisfied nothing is broken, just bruised and sore. He did the same with the left hand before putting antiseptic cream on both and then wrapping them to help with the swelling.

He moved on his arms, gently rolling up the sleeves, the bruising obviously caused by being held, finger imprints all up his arms. He gently rubbed in ointment to help with bruising, apologising with every hiss Eddie made.

He quickly checked his sides, despite Eddie’s reassurance that they hadn’t touched him there, he just had to make sure.

Once happy he moved onto Eddie’s face, breaking a cold pack and instructing Eddie to hold it over his eye while he tended to the split lip and bruised jaw.

He then gently felt around the swollen eye, his fingers searching for the feeling of a broken eye socket, a feeling he knew well from the Russian encounter.

As he held Eddie’s face, he could feel Eddie watching him, his good eye never once leaving his face.

‘Don’t be stupid.’

Steve glanced at him, holding his gaze before going back to the damaged eye.

‘Nothing is broken, luckily, but you’re going to have a swollen eye for a while and a hell of a black eye when it settles.’

He got Eddie to place the ice pack back over his eye before gently checking through the still wet curls.

‘Back of my head. I fell, not sure how bad it is.’

Steve moved Eddie’s head down so it rested against his chest so he could search through wet strands, wincing himself as he found a deep gash and an egg sized lump.

‘Shit, okay, maybe I should have taken you to hospital. Why didn’t you tell me when I asked where you hurt?’

‘Cause you would have taken me to hospital.’

Sighing, Steve stayed quiet as he cleaned the wound as best he could, it had already stopped bleeding and the shower at the school had cleaned most of the blood from Eddie’s hair.

‘I’m going to have to keep an eye on you, you definitely will have concussion.’

‘If it means you can’t leave, I’m glad.’

Steve tensed, his hands stilling on Eddie’s head.

Eddie looked up, a smirk on his lips.

‘I’m not stupid, I knew you would leave and go off to be some stupid vigilantly hero the moment I fell asleep or something.’

‘They hurt you.’

‘I know, I was there.’

‘You should have called me.’

Eddie tilted his head, a habit he had picked up from El.

‘I’m not yours to protect.’

‘Yes ,you are.’

‘I’m not one of the kids Steve, hell I’m older than you, I can look after myself.’

Steve moved his hands to Eddie’s face as he tried to turn away, holding him in place.

‘I know you can, I’ve seen it, time and time again. But they obviously got the upper hand this time and I can’t...I can’t let that stand. I can’t let them get away with this.’

‘Again, I am not yours to protect.’

Suddenly his heart was racing, his eyes held Eddie’s as his fingers gently moved over damaged skin.

‘Yes, you are.’ He repeated, softer than the time before. ‘You...God. You have been mine for months.’

Eddie had gone still, his eye searching.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I fucking love you is what I mean, I have been in love with you for months, and this is the worst time to bloody confess it because I will not let our first kiss be when your face is busted up, and you have a damn concussion.’

Eddie slowly smiled.

‘You want to kiss me?’

‘More than you will ever know.’

Eddie lowered the ice pack from his face, placing it on the side so he could pull Steve closer, slotting him between his legs.

‘So all it took was for me to get the shit kicked out of me for you to confess?’

‘What? No! Bloody hell. I...I wanted to tell you, to make it special, to take you on a date. Robin has been helping me plan it all.’

‘So when was this all going to happen?’

‘After you graduated, I didn’t want to distract you, I wanted you to get your diploma, and I was going to tell you then.’

‘That’s months away.’

‘I know, I was being patient.’

‘What if I didn’t want to?’

Steve felt his world drop from under him, his hands dropping to his side.

‘You...you don’t want to?’

‘Steve, sweetheart, I meant, what if I didn’t want to wait.’

‘Oh...ohhh.’ Steve smiled, his hands moving back to rest on Eddie’s shoulders.

‘You want me too?’

‘Jesus Harrington, I’ve been flirting for months. I thought you were just being nice, but then you flirted back. You let me be me, always, I feel more at ease when you are around. So yeah, I want you too.’

They stare at each other, the need for more palpable between them.

‘I still wont kiss you.’

Eddie groaned, leaning his head against Steve’s chest.

‘So mean.’

‘I know, but we have waited this long, a few more days won’t hurt.’

‘Might hurt.’

‘It really wont.’

‘Promise you won’t go after them.’

‘Eddie-‘

‘No,’ he looked up, his eye wide. ‘Promise me.’

‘I can’t.’ He moves his hand back to Eddie’s face, ‘I can’t not do anything.’

‘They are all just a bunch of ex-jocks, sore because they lost their spot due to a stupid vendetta that got their leader killed. I’m not afraid of them.’

Steve thought back to the shower cubicle, to the words written around him, to him crying in his arms.

‘I can’t let them hurt you again.’

‘I promise to never let them get me alone again.’

‘No, because like me that’s not a promise you could keep. Please baby, please just trust me to sort this out.’

Eddie smiled, and it would have been bright if not for the split lip and swollen eye.

‘Baby huh?’

‘Yeah, and stop changing the subject.’

‘Fine, but you do it with Hopper with you.’

Steve sighed, his wings being clipped with those words.

‘Fine, okay, I’ll take Hopper.’

‘Good.’

They fall silent, just looking at each other, the tension high.

‘I really don’t know how we will last, I really want to kiss you right now.’

Steve moved his thumb to Eddie’s split lip, pressing slightly causing Eddie to wince and pull back.

‘Really?’

‘Fine, you win, we will wait.’

‘Good boy.’

‘Holy shit...okay, that will not stand, when I’m healed I’ll show you that I am definitely not a good boy.’

‘Looking forward to it.'

[zervem]

Ghost Headcannons

Has an extensive skin care routine. Outside of gear and weapons, skin care products are one of the few things he actually indulges in.

The routine relaxes him. Helps him get ready for bed and feel more refreshed in the morning, especially if he had a nightmare.

The products have helped with his scarring which is why he started having a skin care routine in the first place.

Refuses to admit to any of this though. If the team ever manages to touch his bare hand or something they always comment on how soft it is and ask him was lotion he uses. Each time they ask he tells them he uses something ridiculous like Dawn dish soap.

Resident bug catcher. If there is a spider in your room he will just grab it with his bare hands and throw it outside. Gaz and Soap are horrified.

Dogs and cats are naturally drawn to him. He pretends he doesn’t like it but when he’s alone he’ll talk to them in a baby voice and play with them.

Cannot cook at all but since he’s so good with a knife he can cut veggies as fast as a professional chef (he likes feeling useful).

Actually well versed in internet culture (all the sleepless nights spent online) but he likes to act like he’s a boomer to fuck with soap and gaz.

Remembers all the little details about a person - makes him a great gift giver.

Collects shiny things and cool objects / rocks like a crow. Stores them in a box. Sometimes randomly hands them to someone on the team without a word.

Definitely knows how to do some magic tricks. Never shows anyone though.

Enjoys being the big spoon but also likes being held. He is like an octopus when asleep though.

(Out of all the years I’ve been on tumblr I’ve only posted like 4 times so I apologize if the formatting or something is off)

[not-the-conversation-starter]

The Death Of A Website.

tl;dr click source to see an AU of my blog.

As many of you may not have heard, Cohost has gone read only. The website infamous for "Zero Discoverability" and its users "Not Being Funny." Servers will close down at the end of 2024, if not earlier, being backed up on the Internet Archive before that. Since their user counts were still low after 2 years (about half of all sign ups ever were from people evacuating twitter, which then didn't know how to use the site so most left almost immediately. Kind of hilarious) they didn't feel like anymore money bleeding OR the fact that a staff of only four people being on call 24/7 was worth it anymore.

However,

the people who DID use the site loved it. And they did some genuinely cool things on it, far cooler than anything I ever saw even in the glory days of Tumblr. You know, like Finn and Jake hi-fiving between 2 posts. Stuff like a playable maze, or a fully navigable 3d room you move around in with your mouse entirely within a post. They really did some cool stuff.

There were also a ton of really talented people, people like the composer Lena Raine(Celeste/Minecraft) who loved the site because you could just. Actually talk to people on it! Without an algorithm to boost their posts, the only people who saw it were genuinely looking for it.

Also some of them were just good posters, we did get Pikmin 18 billion and eleven from Cohost after all.

The point is, I think if anyone outside of Cohost actually knew what was being done on Cohost, it would of succeeded. There would of been enough active users for them to invest more. If I knew about all of this I would of been there way more!

But rather than just you blindly believing me, I decided to spend (almost) every hour I would of on Tumblr, on Cohost instead. Clicking that link, or the source, or the link on the source above in the tl;dr, will take you to my Cohost blog. At least while it's still read-only.

You should check it out. I reblogged a lot, but the first page or 2 (every 20 posts, I kept trying to stop but I got sentimental and reblogged more) is pretty much just people's last posts. I'd say give it 3 pages to see if you're interested or not in exploring more of what the website has to offer.

If you've ever wondered what people would post on a dying website,

If you ever wondered what some of the best posts people were making on Cohost that got shared again in its last dying moments were,

If you want some reference for what inside jokes would look like to an outsider,

If you're just bored and need something to scroll through,

if you ever wondered what I would of reblogged on that website if I remembered my password easily enough to log back in easily...

You could think of my blog as a small encapsulation of a small website. There's only 60 pages, including the ones from before the announcement from me just rarely using the site!

I reblogged all kinds of posts. Goodbyes, sarcastic hellos, mourning, long speeches about the spirit of Cohost set to sad music, nothing burgers, inside jokes I didn't understand, The New Garfield, posts I flat out didn't read past the title because they were too long and I just wanted to move on really there's a lot of posts to archive, CSS crimes, stuff I found funny, "Where to find me" and webrings and website posts for people I never knew, Love Honk, reviews for movies and games I never intend to play or watch, 88x31 buttons, music recommendations and history, entire games, signing up for RSS feeds, asks and answers related to other stuff I didn't share on accident, regular memes, Intern Secretary Eggbug, a post that's just an image hosted off-site so it'll update even after readonly, and so on.

(Nothing overtly NSFW. Tag search still works if you want that)

One that I, personally, am sad is gone. That I'm glad I got to see at least in its dying days. That I genuinely hope someone makes another attempt at creating.

[wallterwall]

heyo i just wanna say its hella cool how you portray wallter, taking her issues more seriously while also staying true to his character. and while i enjoy wallmark n all, its super refreshing for the divorce to not take up their whole personality- yes it happened, but she’s over it, and she has a life outside of that. also, the depth you give them is sooo good, how they refuse to acknowledge what’s happening even as it grows more and more undeniable. how she cares for their companions yet will never talk about how he’s deteriorated, forcing normalcy and ignorance. because it’s too late to stop digging, even if they wanted to. it’s peak, i fear... absolutely the best wallter depiction on this godforsaken internet. hats off to you! keep cookin :]

[ thank you so much!! this means a lot to me, this is the most thoughtful ask ive received in a long time on tumblr. i try very hard to be as canon compliant as possible while still expanding on what we know and its super great to hear that you all are so interested! im very thankful to you! ]