#I never got to try either so you KNOW my opinion is based on facts

[avasts-nightmare]

dark important question, m&ms or skittles? there's only one correct answer so choose wisely

my humble anon I am delighted that youd come to me for answers.

m&ms have chocolate in them which is deadly to most animals which is cool as fuck. so, m&ms, easy.

[itsgivingmami]

Her Altar- Rhea Ripley

Warning: religious based homophobia

Practice what you practice, love who you love.

   Growing up had been nothing special. School during the week, riding your bike with friends on Saturdays and stuffing yourself into clothes you dreaded for church on Sunday.

   You had never really liked church but at a young age it hadn't occurred to you exactly what it was. You didn't like to do it the same way you dreaded math tests and asparagus but it wasn’t exactly an optional occurrence. As a young child you'd found the grain in the back of the pew you'd sat behind more interesting than whatever the pastor was groaning on about.

    For your seventh birthday your parents had gifted you a simple gold cross necklace and had hung it around you like a totem before you could tell them you weren't particularly fond of it. Or church.

   As you got older you learned very quickly that your opinion of faith was null and despite the fact that you were real, tangible and god (presumably) wasn't didn't matter. The laws of the bible did.  By the time you were thirteen you knew you were attracted to women, the constant reminder that being gay was a sin had only served as education on the subject. the constant reminder to stay quiet about how you felt kept you safe and you learned to repress school crushes on other girls. Growing up in a prejudice environment masked in faith had took its toll,

Then along came Rhea,

    Hiding your feelings for her made you feel more guilty than betraying the faith you were supposed to have. Every time you two hung out you felt like you were lying to her, you felt dishonest when you two linked arms walking through the mall and when she fell asleep next to you in the same bed during sleep overs. You started to avoid her under the guise of protecting her, believing that she was better off without you pining after her.

    "Why are you avoiding me?" She had caught you at your locker, trapping you between her body and cold metal.

     "I'm not.." you laugh off avoiding her gaze and you try and find a way under her arm.

    "We have talked everyday for the last god knows how long and suddenly radio silence," you shake your head as if she's wrong, but you know she's not. "I watched you make eye contact with me and run down the hall the other direction and did you think I wouldn't notice that you haven't been to a single one of my games in weeks?" You didn't, you figured she wouldn't notice your absence on the sideline and that she'd have no issues finding someone else to talk with. "What gives? I miss you,"

    You keep your eyes on her shoes, a familiar pair of dirty black chucks, your doodles covering the toes and you remember the day you two had spent ditching class on the bleachers with her legs thrown over your lap. Your parents had berated you for skipping but you hardly heard it, deeming the time you got to spend with Rhea worth it.

    "I'm sorry," you spoke quietly before biting the inside of your cheek, trying to will you ears to stop tearing,

   "Don't apologise just tell me what I did so I don't do it again and-" the hand she's gesturing with falls to her side, "let me have my friend back,"

    It's too much, the combination of her blaming and the way she calls you her friend makes you feel overwhelmed by guilt. You feel exasperated by the inner conflict and you want her to understand that you can't give her back her friend, because you don't feel at all friendly about her but telling her means really telling her the truth and your not ready to fully loose her either.

   "It's not you," you rasp as you quickly duck under her arm and run from her not bothering to close your locker door. It's selfish, but you can't have her too close and you can't loose her entirely. So without explaining yourself you flee and continue to keep her at arm's length. Rhea stands frozen staring at the spot you were just in, sighs and closes her eyes before gently shutting your locker for you.

                                             ~

     For the first time in years you go to confession after safely making it out the building sure Rhea wasn't going to come after you. Pulling open the door you don't remember walking here at all.

    You see the shadow of the priest through the lattice as you sit on the bench. It takes you a moment before you realise your supposed to greet him.

    "Sorry uh-," you shake your head and bring your hand up to cross your heart, your necklace feels like it's burning your skin as you speak. "Bless me father, for I have sinned?" It comes out as more of a question and you swallow thickly already regretting this decision. "It clearly has been a long time since my last confession," You hear a hum from the other side,

    "You are here now," its sounds empty, like he's said it too many times today and you're sure he has. "Why?"

    "I think I love someone," you tell him, it's the first time you admit it and hearing it out loud makes your chest thump.

    "How do you know you love him?" He asks you and you wince, him. Everything inside you is screaming at you to run, but you stay planted. Faith and whatnot right?

    "My heart races and I would do anything for," you hesitate, "this person, I can't imagine hurting the person I love, so much so I would hurt myself before I ever could," tears start to fall as you talk about it for the first time, "I can't live without her but I would if she asked me too,"

                                              ~

       When you walk through the door your parents are waiting, scowling and deep down you know; they know. Weren’t confessionals supposed to be private? A bag lands in front of your feet with a thud.

     "There will be no sinners living under our roof," your mother spits, you look to your dad you refuses to meet your eyes. You throw the strap over your shoulder and swallow thickly before straightening your posture. A shaky hand reaches up to your necklace and rip it off tossing it at their feet before leaving.

                                          ~

      Rhea has a cd playing quietly so she can listen to the thunder as she watches the rain our outside, she still can't figure out what she did to upset you and it's driving her nuts. Deciding to skip soccer practice and head home after you'd run from her again. She runs a hand through her hair at the memory and blinks back tears. It was bad enough she had cowered out of telling you about her feelings so many times, now you wouldn't even talk to her at all.

    Maybe you had caught on to her clingy-ness, she hated to think that she didn't at least get the chance to confess that she loved you in a way that might not freak you out. Her dim computer screen on her desk remains on her aim, countless unanswered messages on your part.

   "Rhea!!" Her mom's voice snaps her out of her thoughts as she quickly gets up and heads downstairs. She freezes on the last step when she spots you, soaked through, shaking, red eyed and her mother trying to wrap you in a blanket. She spots your dripping bags near the front door and she feels her body flash with heat as a rage bubbles up.

     "What happened?" Rhea questions as she comes towards you, making quick work of pulling her hoodie over her head using it wipe water from your face. You simply let out a sob in response as you jerk forward, she steps closer and pulls you against her.

   "They kicked me out," you sputter between breaths, "I didn't know where to go,"

     "Here," she answers and her mom hands her another blanket which she lays gently over your shaking body, "always here," She holds you while you cry into her collar and makes eye contact with her mom who simply nods before grabbing your bag to put whatever she can in the dryer.

    "We gotta getcha warm baby," she whispers to you softly, the endearment comes out naturally and you let out a soft cry at how kind she's being despite the fact that you've been avoiding her for weeks. "Let's go to my room yeah?"

   She holds your waist as she guides you upstairs, the front of your head is starting to hurt from crying and your face feels fuzzy. You enter the familiar space, greeted by pictures and posters you helped hang. Rhea sits you gently on her unmade bed and flips on the desk lamp, a soft yellow light illuminates the room.

     "You need dry clothes," she speaks as she's opening drawers in her dresser and rifling through unfolded piles. "Sweatpants or shorts? Tee or sweater," she rambles half to you half to herself. As you watch her grab things for you and mumble to herself you make a decision.

    "Rhea," you watch her turn to you "I have something I need to tell you,"

                                                ~

    "Whatcha doing baby?" Your wife's voice makes your memory fade as the window comes back into view, the patter of rain drops against it and the occasional clap of thunder. Strong inked arms come to wrap around your middle and you lean back into her.

     "Thinking," you tease, reaching up to scratch her jaw with your nails and she growls into your palm at your answer. "You know me well enough to know,"

      "Mmmmm," she hums as her chin rests on your shoulder. She does know exactly what storms remind you of, which is why she'd abandoned her workout in the garage to find you. Usually you'd be in the basement trying to drown out the sound but she had found you in the master bedroom in-front of the glass balcony doors. Your silhouette illuminated by snaps of lighting. “I love you,"

“I love you more “ you tilt your head back to look at her, you tell her you love her all the time but you gaze into her eyes trying to tell her how much you mean it each time. She places gentle kisses on your neck as her hands slide down to your front, you feel her warm palms press against your hips, pushing you further against her body.

“I love you most, I win,” she growls into your nape and you let out a soft breath at the feeling, a pleasant warmth swells in your chest. Her strong hands grip at your hip bones and it sends lighting straight to your core. You turn to face her and the loving gaze she’s holding you with. “Hi pretty girl,” she rasps to you.

“Hi,” you respond and smile before her lips are on yours and her tongues in your mouth. You let out a satisfied hum as her hand comes up to thread through your hair, holding you tightly against her. You’re both overwhelmed by emotions as your kiss gets messier, thinking about the days when you hadn’t been out and married to the love of your life. You gently separate from her mouth, “I need you,” you tell her, your lips brushing against hers as you beg for her. You feel the tell tale sign of her gripping at your waist band and you lift onto your toes and she pulls you to wrap around her body.

“God you’re beautiful,” Rhea admires you, your foreheads pressed together as your breaths mingle. You brush her bangs away from her face and she stares at you above her, she watches you like you’re the stars.

“Take me to bed,” you ask her and although you cannot be closer you need more, you need to be the place that’s always been the safest; enclosed by Rheas body.

“Did somebody forget who’s in charge?” She teases and she nibbles your ear lobe, you whine and squirm in protest which gets you a light slap to your ass but you feel Rhea start to move towards the bed anyway. Your back hits the soft mattress and your wife crawls over to join you.

“I let that last one go,” she tells you as her fingers running under the hem of your shirt and up the side of your ribs, her gaze flicks back out the window. She wants you to know that you’re okay, she understands it’s a hard night for you, “but act like a brat again and I’ll treat ya like one,” she gently slaps the bottom of your thigh a couple times before you bend it and her strong grip holds you.

“Rhea,” you gasp as her teeth hit your collarbone followed by the soothing of her tongue. She chuckles lowly and pulls your tank top up over your stomach, you sit up quickly helping her rip it off.

“There’s my good girl,” Rhea praises your obedience and you melt a little more, your body pliant as she pressed you back down to the mattress. Her mouth is warm as she sucks marks onto your bare chest before taking a hardened bud, you throw your head backwards as you let out a moan.

The memories of your past fade a little more each time she teaches you true worship and only with her do you start to believe the priest who outed you might’ve actually been divine intervention. In the morning when you wake up next to her you’re certain angels exist, they simply must with one laying in front of you and in the night before you fall asleep you find your faith kneeling at her altar. You aren’t afraid that your love would cast you to hell, not when the goddess above you brings you pure bliss that you swear it must be what heaven really is.

[zillatastic]

rapper! ony x singer! reader

summary: good girl gone bad ; you just can’t get enough of rapper ! ony who has made a name for himself for participating in a plethora of (usually) one-sided rap beefs, being a creative lyricist/producer, & being such a bad influence to your heart.

(I suck at summarizing ಥ_ಥ̥)

this post contains: head-cannons, cursing, n-word usage, smidge of smut, spelling errors, lowercase grammar, semi-toxic ! ony or wtv, crybaby ! reader, vague description of reader’s body, lowk clickbaited summary, not proofread.

▬▬ rapper! ony who “accidentally” leaks a snippet of his new song with your moans as the intro melody.

much to your horror the audio blows up on tiktok and now every time you open the app, that accursed audio plays.

the worst thing about it is that every time you bring up the audio to ony and question how it even got leaked in the first place, you’re met with a..

“mmcht, ma, for the last time I don’t know how it got leaked. connie’s dumb ass must have did something stupid and posted the wrong shit.”

or a..

“fatbutt, I don’t know why you complaining. you sound sexy as fuck and the fans wanna hear more of the track once i release it. you don’t wanna disappoint our fans, right ma?”

“n-no, I don’t wanna disappoint them but I just don’t feel comfortable with it. maybe you can call connie one more time and try to get it taken care of ?”

“ight.”

it never gets taken care of, in fact three weeks later ony drops the song with eren as featured artist which doubles the song’s popularity and makes it on the billboard hot 100.

“whose pussy is this, ma ? ~ mhm tell me ?” ony asks while delivering slow harsh strokes into your trembling body. your hair wrapped tightly in his hands as it helps aid his assault into your weeping cunt while his free hand is gripping your midsection equally as tight.

“f-fucknmhm, it’s yours pa,” ony’s abusive thrusts to your pussy force your words to ball up in the back of your throat as you try to concentrate on listening to his commands and hold the phone recording the intimate moment.

watching the phone slowly start to slip through your half- boneless hands, it urged him to re-wrap your hair (tightly) into his hands and harshly lift your body onto his chest while continuing his now- upward thrusts into your cunt. the new angle allowed a deeper reach into your cervix as ony heartlessly knocked into it. “say it louder for the camera baby. whose owns this pussy ?”

“ony does, ony owns my pussy. fuck~ please pa I’m so close.”

“good girl, ma. you so pretty when you cry. now cum for me.” ony commands as he watches your body tremble in pure overstimulation and pleasure. biting his lip as he gently wipes the tears from out the corner your eyes and leans down to kiss your cheek.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who can sense when someone is making his girl laugh.

“ony what is your opinion on the Kendrick vs Drake beef?” a reporter asked while shoving her mic into his face.

ony who was tired of being asked this question sighed and tried his best to formulate a sentence that would not offend either rapper.

“well you know I be-” he stops mid sentence to turn around before hearing the soft chuckle of his girlfriend from across the garden of the regal event.

the reporter who was standing there unanswered lifted a brow and tried to gain ony’s attention back on the question for it’s live broadcasted audience.

“umm, ony ?” the reporter asked until she heard a feminine chuckle from the other side of her. the reporter and the cameraman turned swiftly to what caught ony’s eye to see you laughing hysterically at something thee Brent Faiyaz said.

“I’ll be back.” ony mumbled.

(damn.. someone stole my bitch.)

▬▬ rapper ! ony who promotes your music to his hardcore fan base.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who cannot keep his hands off your body.

he is stuck to you like white on rice.

you physically cannot escape this man because his strong arms are always securely wrapped around your waist, neck or arm.

ony isn’t a controlling person, but he is very clingy. he likes to feel the presence of his girl around him and having a body part of his connect to yours-

It sedates him.

cheesy? I know.. but he’s your man, so you’ll deal with it.

▬▬ rapper ! ony whose mean mug is nasty.

he does not play when it comes to people besides him being handsy with you.

ony’s sideeye has become a stan twitter icon.

in the earlier stages of your blooming relationship ony did not want to come off as too overbearing (he is) and let a lot of of his boundaries be overstepped. he never wanted to cause a big scene, so he always used his face to project his emotions instead of his words and fist.

a particular event where you had been pulled to the side to be interviewed had blown up all over social media because of ony deviously standing in the back- mugging the fuck out of the reporter whose hands were on the small of your back.

retweets of the incident had you delighted while ony was rather annoyed.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who dedicates an entire album to you.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who corrects your behavior.

ony has eyes all over. never forget that.

you two had gotten into an argument the day before over something small. at this point you had already forgotten what you two were arguing about, but the impact of the altercation was still there.

you despised when ony bested you in an argument and in retaliation you decided to attend a not-so little house party that ony advised you not to attend.

so what did you do?

you went to the party.

that night you’d tell ony that it was all sasha’s fault, but this was a conscious choice made by yourself.

that night you were spent bent over ony’s leg being spanked till tears then finger fucked.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who can’t stop talking about you during interviews.

▬▬ rapper ! ony who verbally dragged another artist who decided it would be cute to throw shade at your new single.

“ony, delete the tweet.” with your hands on your hips you let out a deep sigh. you two have been bickering back and forth all evening about the tweet-simply because you didn’t care what someone with barely 500k streams had to say.

“no, she’s gonna learn to pick her battles wisely today, ma.”

“oh my fucking god onyankopon put the phone down.”

(end of rapper! ony x singer! reader headcannons pt. 1)

author note: thank you so much for reading and noting. I have not written in years (2019-22) and I wanted to jump back into something new. usually I would’ve written a 10k fanfic on naruto but I’ve been tuning into a lot of aot/jjk content and I’ve decided this is my new era of writing. I cannot wait to find my own comfort and flow with this new fandom !!

[preciouslittle-bhaalbabe]

Thoughts about Ascended Astarion! (This is a long one, and I'm not trying to change anyones opinion, just highlighting the fact that the player is in complete control of the situation at all times. This game is about choices.) First off, I don't usually prefer to ascend him. But I love all versions of Astarion. His character is so well written and all of his arcs deserve praise and attention no matter what your personal opinion of them are. The devs did an incredible job. If any parts of his arc (ascended or spawn) make you uncomfortable, then romancing him isn't for you. If the dynamic between AA and your character makes you feel scared or upset, don't ascend him. That dynamic is supposed to be 100% consentual. He's a tough nut to crack and his story can be very triggering. I myself broke down a few times hearing him talk about what he went through. There are other companions with lovely character development that you can choose. When people go "ugh he's ruined I didn't want this" My dear, with all due respect. This is the dark fantasy romance option. Emphasis on the fantasy. You didn’t get his approval by being nice. It's not like he's the only option. You chose to romance the vampire. The game warns you of what exactly you're about to do multiple times. You willingly help him murder thousands of people for freedom. A vampire who was a literal slave for longer than he was even alive for just got a MASSIVE amount of power. Were you expecting he was gonna just be a good guy now? He has had NOTHING for so long. His entire life trajectory changed within moments. He’s still figuring himself out. You as the player are still completely in charge. He owes everything to you and he knows that. You can walk away at literally any point. He asks you to kneel and obey to establish trust and a dynamic. To confirm this is what you want. YOU CAN SAY NO. Then, he gets right down on the floor with you. He's either gentle or rough based on your choice. If you don't like the vibe just break up with him at that point like he literally lets you do. Or, even just reload the save. But just remember. "That's what you want, isn't it?". When Astarion ascends, Neil says it best. His mask is off and he's allowed to be at his most terrible with no fear. He doesn't have to perform or be aloof as a distraction from the pain anymore. He was never good aligned. But now, he has the power and ability to give himself and his favourite person the life he thinks they wanted. Otherwise why would you ascend him? His love language becomes acts of service and gifts. He ADORES tav to almost obsession. He's always doting on them and calling them his. The ritual only amplifies that. "but what about what he says if you convince him not to go through with it?"

He’s not lying. He knows tav saved him from himself. It is technically the “good” ending. But that’s not what matters here. The ascension is for characters who are not good aligned. It is for characters that are just as much of a power hungry monster as ascended Astarion is. They want to be a monarch that rules the world over. It’s a role playing thing. Is it wrong? That’s for you to decide for yourself. Not others.

"but what about karlach? He's a massive jackass to her when he ascends" ...Yes. He's not a good guy. Karlach is basically the goodest character in the game. It won't work. And if you do break up with him, he lashes out and says some extremely hurtful things. Because you just broke his heart. It's a perfectly normal response from someone being completely blindsided. He thought you wanted this. You said you wanted this. After everything you both did you get here, he feels betrayed. Not even to mention ascended Astarion does not make you just a regular spawn. You quite literally become his vampire spouse. He thanks you for putting your trust in him. Then eventually you become a true vampire with time. He wants to make sure tav doesn't go insane after being turned. If you wanna learn more about vampire spouses in DnD I highly reccomend doing some google searches. It's fascinating. (this is just a theory and not canon btw) Is ascending him the right thing to do? No, but it's not "wrong". The game doesn't work that way. Is keeping him a spawn the right thing to do? Maybe, if your character thinks it is. Either route has their sets of pros and cons. It's up to you which ones you think work for your playthrough.

I almost always convince him not to go through with the ritual. But ascended Astarion + durge is a power couple and the vibes are immaculate for evil runs. Just have fun with the game! The devs made all these character arcs for you to explore! Thanks for reading <3

[mangoshorthand]

A Hargreeves Christmas Carol | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader | Ch4

SUMMARY: Luther is the sort of idiot who goes around with a 'Merry Christmas' and a goofy smile on his lips. In your opinion, he should be roasted with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. Who better to teach you the error of your ways than Luther's brother, the man who holds the power of Christmases Past, Present, and Yet to Come in the palm of his hand? Info/Announcement Post

<< Read Chapter Three

Chapter Four (Rated M, 4.3k words)

The Last of the Spirits

As the living room cleared of his family, their Christmas ruined by the argument, Five succeeded in priming the briefcase. He reached out as if to take your upper arm and vanish with you into the previous evening, but you jumped out of his reach. 

“No Five. Show me the future! Show me the nuclear armageddon all this is supposed to cause. Because, based on what I just saw, this is your fault, not mine.” 

You reached out a finger and jabbed him hard in the chest, withdrawing quickly lest he use the opportunity to grab you. 

“You’re going home,” he said, firmly.

“I am not!” you yelled, stamping your foot in frustration, “take me to the future and prove to me that you haven’t been lying for an opportunity to get in my pants!”

Five tossed his head angrily, shaking his fists at his sides in equal frustration and making the briefcase hit him hard in the leg. 

“Don’t flatter yourself” he spat, “You think I’d do all this just for that?”

And then, after a slight pause:

“You think I’d try to scare you into fucking me, is that it?

“I don’t know what to believe!” you cried. 

Five took two or three angry breaths and chewed the inside of his cheek before he responded.

“I didn’t lie to get into your pants,” he said, sounding bitter, but slightly calmer “And, technically, I didn’t lie to you at all. I never actually said you caused nuclear armageddon. I just let you believe it.”

“WHAT?”

“I said that upsetting Luther could potentially cause nuclear armageddon, which is true: actions like those can, indirectly, lead to apocalyptic events. I never actually said it did in this case, however.”

You seized a bookend off a nearby shelf and threw it at him, hard. He, of course, blinked and reappeared a short distance away, leaving the bookend to smash against the wall. 

“I guess I would have deserved that.” Five said, eyeing the bookend as it faded back into being on the bookshelf. 

“YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I know I shouldn’t -”

“YOU BASTARD!”

“I know,” he replied, a pleading note in his voice now, “but if you just-”

“YOU ARE BARRED. TAKE ME HOME, AND THEN NEVER SHOW YOUR FACE IN MY BAR AGAIN. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!”

Five held up the hand not holding the briefcase.

“Fine, okay. I get it. But will you let me explain?”

You breathed like an angry bull, your fists clenched so hard it felt like you’d never be able to relax them again, but gave a resentful nod.

“Thank you,” he said, putting the briefcase down on one of the couches and sitting on its arm, facing you. 

“I guess it was my fault. I just…I guess I tried to blame you because that was easier than facing the fact I ruined Christmas for Luther… and for everyone else.”

You let out a huff, but his face kept you from an angry expostulation for the time being, and he continued: 

“But Sloane was right. You and I are similar. We’re both kind of misanthropic: we push the people who care about us away. It might not lead to an apocalypse, but it’s hardly gonna spell good news for us in the future.”

His expression appealed to yours, and you found it hard to maintain the same level of anger as you saw the honest-to-God anxiety in his face.

“I got a second chance to live my life,” he continued, quietly, “and I’m already fucking it up. You only got one life, and I don’t want to see you fuck it up either.”

You looked back at him, at his beautiful, infuriating, and wholly sincere face. Not for the first time that night, you felt the strange urge to cry. 

What was even stranger was the urge to cry on his shoulder. 

“I think you’re right,” he said.

“About what?” you asked, frowning.

“We should go see the future. Check in on you and I in, say, ten years time? See how bad it gets?”

The idea, though you’d been fiercely advocating for it only a minute or so earlier, suddenly filled you with a thrill of uncertain horror. Perhaps it was the effect of his speech, but to have such unnatural knowledge, impossible in the normal course of things, seemed now too terrible to comprehend. 

Nevertheless, you nodded silently, your legs starting to tremble beneath you. 

“Good,” Five said, and held out his hand. 

You took it. As he ran his thumb over the back of your hand, the fear became a little more bearable. 

“I really am sorry,” he said, seriously, still holding your eyes with his.

“I'll forgive you,” you replied, and squeezed his fingers. 

He smiled softly and let your hand go, reaching behind him for the briefcase once more.

“Okay,” he said, balancing it on one knee and playing with the dials, “since it’s still my hair in the briefcase, we may as well visit me first.”

The case clicked and whirred as, with a flourish, he finished his calibration. 

“Ready to see how shit my life gets?”

He looked up at you with a grin, took your hand again, and you both vanished into the now-familiar static.

You emerged in another living room, almost as different as it was possible to be from the one you just left. It was dingy, lit by a single bulb uncovered by any sort of shade.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” Five murmured, looking around disdainfully. 

You had overcome your fear for now, and you looked around the living room with interest. 

It was clean at least, but the furnishings left a lot to be desired. There was a single recliner in the center of the carpet facing a TV mounted on the wall in front of you. There was also a squashed looking chesterfield, which seemed as if it was only there for form’s sake; a vague gesture at the idea of having guests.

Other than that, there was a small table beside the recliner and a couple of IKEA-looking bookcases, each filled to the brim with books. Otherwise, the room was empty. 

“Well, I’m definitely still single.” Five said, nodding to the sparse decor slightly bitterly, “Figures.”

“Yep, it’s not great,” you confirmed, grimacing.

He glanced down at the briefcase and then around the room again.

“It’s definitely Christmas Eve,” he said, “but I guess I got nobody to put up a tree for. What would be the point?”

There was a voice from the other room and you both fell silent.

“Oh, that’s great. Tell him I say hi.” 

It was Five’s voice, and it was followed a half second later by Five himself coming into the room. 

“Really?” the Five beside you said, a mixture of disappointment and incredulity in his voice. 

The decade-older Five was wearing a pair of pajama pants, no shirt, and was sporting a chevron mustache that didn't suit him. He held a phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, and his well-abused slippers shushed against the carpet. 

He was carrying a beer in one hand and what looked like some sort of frozen dinner in the other: constituted beef packaged into steak-esque shapes was sitting on a bed of soggy green beans. On the side, there was a dump of watery potato puree masquerading as mashed. 

“This is so depressing,” Five said, cringing at the sight of himself.

“That mustache does make you look like a child molester,” you agreed.

“Thanks." 

“Mm-hm,” said the future Five, placing his sad meal on the table and settling himself in the recliner, facing away from you, “well that’s nice to hear. Did the gifts for the kids arrive...Good, good.”

He picked up the beer and took a swig, using the remote to turn on the TV and immediately mute it, flicking through the channels as he spoke on the phone. 

“Me? Oh, I’m fine. Just relaxing, you know?”

He paused in his channel surfing on a showing of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, set down the control and watched it as he continued the conversation.

“You know me, I hate Christmas … Yeah, I’m happy as hell here.”

Five winced beside you. 

“I’m guessing that’s a lie?” you murmured, looking at your Five sidelong.

“Yup,” Five said, grimly, “the only thing I hate worse than people is being alone.”

Five’s future self lifted his dinner onto his lap and speared a limp green bean onto his fork.

“How’s Luther?” he said, “Life and soul of the party, right? … Sure, sure … good for you.”

He took a few more bites of his meal, ‘uh-huh-ing’ and ‘mm-hm-ing’ occasionally at the voice on the other end of the line. 

 Well,” he said, an almost undetectable tinge of sadness in his voice now, “maybe next year.”

His tone made it so clear that he didn’t hold out much hope that you didn’t even bother conferring with the Five beside you.

“You guys got your New Years planned? … Nice, nice … do you know what everyone else is doing?”

He stayed quiet as he listened, eating some more and throwing out another mm-hm or uh-huh as the conversation required. 

“Huh?” he said, eventually. “I’ll probably hit the bars with a couple of friends. Maybe do the big countdown in Times Square or wherever.”

“I’m lying,” Five said to you, flatly.

“Yeah, yeah,” the Five in the chair continued, “well I’ll - what? … Oh. No, that’s fine. Have fun tomorrow. I gotta go now anyway … alright … yeah, Happy Christmas. Bye Vik.”

When the call ended, he put down his knife and fork for a few moments, sighed, and then lifted his eyes back to the TV and began eating once more. 

“This is what I get.” Five said dully, watching himself finish the last third of his meal. 

You looked from the Five facing away from you in the chair to the Five beside you, his expression haunted.

“But this is just a future that might be, right?” you said, half asking, half attempting to reassure him, “This isn’t set in stone.”

“If I don’t get my shit together, this is where I’ll be.”

“But you talk like you’re past all hope,” you said, bracingly, “You just have to make a change.”

“Yeah,” he said, though not sounding convinced. 

“And even if you get like this, it’s not like it’s too late to make it right! You’re, what, in your thirties here?” 

“Over eighty,” Five said. 

“Well, whatever,” you continued, “the one thing you got is time. If that Five pulled his finger out of his ass, he could go fix it. It’s not like anyone’s dead.”

As you spoke, the older Five finished his meal and began to channel surf again.

“I was alone for a very long time.” your Five said, “It does something to you.”

You watched him in silence as he continued. 

“When my brain was developing the finer points of empathy, I didn’t have anyone around to empathize with. There was nobody real to practice on while my brain was still plastic.”

You looked from him to the Five in the chair, considering him as you listened. 

“I feel like…maybe I’m doomed.” Five continued, “This is my mind’s comfort zone; nobody around to force me to be an actual human being. Nobody to challenge me, nobody to compromise for. Nobody to force me to be better by expecting more of me.”

Your attention was suddenly caught by the television.

“Uh, Five?”

“It’s like I’m stuck in this pattern of -”

“Five, seriously.”

This got his attention, and he looked at the TV in horror.

“Oh my god!” he cried, almost dropping the briefcase.

On the screen, there were two women gyrating against one another in barely-there Santa-themed lingerie. From the chair, a rhythmic shuffling sound confirmed the worst. 

Horrified, Five grabbed you by the back of your sweater, pulled you out of the room and into a sad looking bedroom. 

“I am so, so sorry!” he said, sitting down heavily on the bed and hiding his face in his hands, “I can’t believe you had to see that!”

You tried extremely hard to keep the laughter in, but a little burst bounds despite your best efforts. 

“I’m sorry,” you said back to him, looking up at you with a red, mortified face made even worse by your reaction, “I’m really sorry to laugh, I don’t want to embarrass you. It was just so unexpected!”

He hid his head in his hands again and groaned, just as the Five from the living room gave an audible groan of his own.

This was too much, and you fell into helpless giggles.

“I’m - s-so ….sorry!” you managed, struggling to speak against laughter that had you doubled over and leaning against the wall for support, “I’m not… I’m not j-judging you, it’s j-just… really f-f-f-funny!”

You struggled to get ahold of yourself, managing it with difficulty, and Five recovered himself just enough to look up at you, mortified. 

“I’m glad one of us is enjoying this at least.”

At this, all your hard work was undone and you bent double again, breathless with laughter.

“T-t-two of us are enjoying it!” you wheezed, gesturing in the direction of Five’s counterpart. 

Five’s face crumpled, but then a pained snort forced its way out, and then he was laughing too. 

“I can’t believe I masturbate to cable porn.” he said, agony in his voice, “That’s the worst part!”

You sat down beside him on the bed and put your arm around his shoulders, giggling breathlessly, his own reluctant laughter just adding to the hilarity. 

In this manner, the laughter gradually faded, and you finished up leaning against one another, still chuckling occasionally. 

Turning to him, you looked at his expression. Though he still looked amused, there was equal humiliation and misery in the lines of his face.

“Listen to me,” you said, softly, “you’re not doomed to loneliness and cable porn. You’re not… you’re not broken, maybe just a little bent.”

“Thanks,” he murmured, bowing his head and letting it rest gently against yours. 

He let out a little breath, as if he were laying down a heavy burden he knew he would have to pick up again all too soon. 

At this close quarters, you could smell that menthol scent again; eucalyptus, perhaps a hint of citrus.

And, rather like the night you wiped salt away from his chin, your body acted without your brain’s involvement. 

You pressed your lips to his scarlet temple, and then withdrew. 

Five looked surprised, and he lifted his head to look at you, only a few inches apart. 

“Thanks,” he said, again, though he mouthed it this time, the word barely articulated.

You looked at each other, caught in this strange, frozen moment. Both of you sat there, paralysed, completely unsure what might happen next.

And then, a particularly drawn out moan from the living room snapped you both back to reality. Apparently the other Five wasn’t far off finishing his visit to the land of cable porn. 

“We should go,” Five said, quickly, drawing away from you quickly and fumbling in his breast pocket for the vial containing your hair.

“Sounds good,” you said, brightly, hiding the awkwardness with jollity. 

There were a few exquisitely embarrassing moments as Five exchanged the hairs in which his older self was putting on rather the auditory show.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Five chanted as he worked, finally succeeding in slamming the DNA housing back into place and setting the briefcase.

With no preamble, he grabbed your arm and you both thankfully vanished into the ether. 

When you rematerialized, it was to find yourself in your bar on a busy night. 

“Thank God.” Five said, still bright pink.

He looked briefly down at the briefcase:

“Yep, same night.”

The bar looked relatively unchanged, though the fixtures and fittings had been upgraded at some point in the ten years that lay between you and this permutation of Maggie’s. There was the same half-assed tinsel around the window frame as the sole concession to the fact it was Christmas Eve.

On the corner table, a group of men donning Santa hats were singing an uproarious version of Jingle Bells, their drinks up over their heads and swaying in unison. 

There you were, behind the crowded bar as usual, shaking a cocktail with one hand and pulling a pint of lager with the other, working with the same, ruthless energy you always did, face hard and steely in concentration. 

Robbie was gone, it seemed, because you didn’t recognise the two employees helping to fend off the rest of the crowd of customers baying for booze and jacked up on Christmas cheer.

“This doesn’t seem fair,” Five said, “You’re doing great, but a few miles away I’m…wanking into a TV dinner like Ebenezer Splooge!”

“I look so much older,” you said, not listening and instead eyeing the first hint of crow’s feet emerging around your eyes.

“You look great,” Five said, impatiently, “This just proves that I’m the problem. You’re perfectly happy, and I'm a mess.”

He watched you almost wistfully, both envying your future and admiring your command, as he always found himself doing whenever he visited Maggie’s. You really were a sight to see behind that bar, and ten years had only added more skill. 

As another large table began to join in with the Jingle Bells guys, you said something that Five didn’t quite catch, and he tore his eyes away from the future you to look at the you beside him.

He was surprised to see tears streaming down your face.

“I’m not happy!” 

You fell against his chest and cried tears more violent than any you’d cried that night.

Five stood there, bewildered, as your desperate tears began to soak through his shirt. 

“Okay, okay,” he said, soothingly, “I’m gonna take you home, alright?”

He fiddled with the briefcase with difficulty, peering over your shoulder to set it where he held it behind your back. With a couple of pushes of buttons, he succeeded, and you were at last standing once more in your darkened living room, the high wind buffering the windows. 

Five looked briefly down at the briefcase for confirmation.

“Ten minutes after we left,” he murmured, satisfied, “Quantum suspension engaged, so no doppelganger for me. We’re good to go from here.”

This done, he lowered you both onto the couch, letting the briefcase bump down softly onto the floor. 

For a few moments, he simply held you against him, and then he shifted his grip to hold you by the shoulders in order to look into your face. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, “Why did seeing that make you cry?”

You shook your head and closed your eyes to weep once more, sobs overtaking you.

“Hey,” Five said, shaking you gently, “given all the shit you've seen about me tonight, you can at least tell me that!”

When this didn’t yield the desired result, he sighed and pulled you back against his shoulder.

“Okay, cry it out for now, but I’m not leaving until you tell me.”

You did cry it out, sniffling against his pure white shirt without a worry for how much you might be ruining it. Right now, he felt warm and safe. His was the only comfort you could imagine taking as waves of revelation broke upon you. 

His was the only comfort you could take, you realized.

Many of your bridges were burned, others had simply rotted away from lack of maintenance, and others yet had been severed by the loss of the other side. The end result was the same: you were very short on bridges. 

In truth, Luther, Robbie, and Five’s bridges were probably the only three you had left.

Luther had maintained his well, without your help, yet earlier today you’d launched a Molotov cocktail at it, leaving it in danger of burning down if you didn’t take action.

Robbie’s was a thin and sickly little bridge, barely a bridge at all. It could have been stronger, you knew, if only you’d allowed him to build as he wanted. 

And Five’s? Right now, it was the only one that could support your weight. It was untested before tonight, yet it was standing firm beneath your feet.

“I’m not happy,” you repeated, when your sobs had subsided enough to allow you to speak, “I haven’t been happy for a long, long time.”

Five’s arms tightened around you.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Ever since my grandma died. I’ve felt…”

You broke, took a couple of breaths, and tried a different way of explaining it. 

“I looked at myself behind that bar, and I realized I have no idea who that woman is.”

Five nodded slowly, though you could tell he didn’t really understand. 

“I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want. I just know that I don’t want to be her in ten years’ time.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because she’s exactly the same as I am now!”

Five gave another of those slow nods, processing. 

“Tell me if I’m way off base,” he said, tentatively, as if he’d just drawn a tenuous red line between points in his mind, “your grandma died, and you took over Maggie’s immediately, right? When you were twenty one?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think that maybe you threw yourself into managing the place to avoid… actually grieving her?”

You made a small, wounded noise, a fresh wave of tears descended, and you nodded against his chest.

He reclined on the couch, taking you with him as he fumbled behind you to pull a blanket over you. It was warm, comforting, and it made you cry harder in relief.

“Maggie’s was never your baby,” he said, softly, “it was hers.”

You nodded.

“Do you even like running it?”

You shook your head, admitting it for the first time with a shuddering outward breath.

“Everything she did for me. I can’t just let that go. That bar was everything to her.”

Five shook his head.

“You think she gave you that bar so that you could chain yourself to it?”

“No.”

“Then sell it.”

“No!”

“Well, then find something in the middle!” 

You sniffled and took a few moments to regain some composure. 

“I don’t like managing the bar, but I like mixology. When I make cocktails, it reminds me of her and it feels good.”

“Then stick with mixology and ditch the rest,” he said, as if it were obvious.

You shook your head.

“I can’t let her down. If - if I don’t make it a success then… then I’ll be proving she was wrong to trust me with it.”

“Sounds like you got your thinking backwards to me,” Five scoffed. 

“What do you mean?”

“You said she always fought for you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re acting like she raised you just to make sure there would be someone around to make Maggie’s a success. Seems more likely that she worked her ass off in the bar to make sure she could leave something behind for you.”

You couldn’t help but see the logic in this, but still, something niggled:

“The bar’s her legacy. I can’t abandon it.”

“You’re her legacy, idiot.”

His logic had done little to dispel your doubts, but this emotional truth smashed through them with the force of a wrecking ball. 

You remembered her twinkling at you at fifteen as she taught you to make your first margaria, you remembered her beaming with pride when you first made a cosmo by heart, and you remembered her on her deathbed, pressing her rhinestone necklace into your hand and telling you how proud she was, how successful you’d be. 

You remembered her taking her in your arms and making you feel safe while your parents screamed. 

It wasn’t the bar, it was you. It was always you. 

And you were crying once more: hot, cleansing, healing tears.

“I miss her,” you hiccuped against Five’s chest. 

“I know,” he said, stroking your hair.

For the next several minutes, you cried yourself dry. And then you felt better. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, slightly hoarsely, “I cried all over your shirt.”

“I don’t mind,” Five said.

In truth, he could have stayed there all night with you in his arms, wet shirt or not. You stopping crying was bittersweet: your grief was over, but it meant that soon he’d have to stir himself, say his goodbyes and probably never touch you like this ever again. 

“Can I get you a nightcap?” you asked. 

“Sure.”

You extracted yourself from him and looked on the kitchen shelf that stored your private booze. 

“Tequila shot?” you asked him, with a mischievous grin. 

“Perfect,” he smiled back.

God, the pain your little grin caused him. Like a knife to his stomach. 

You returned to the couch with two shots of tequila and held one out to him. He took it with thanks, and you sat down again. 

Five raised his glass.

“To Maggie,” he said.

“To you,” you countered, “the man who said he didn’t have enough empathy.”

Five chuckled, and you clinked your glasses together before throwing them back, revelling in the heat as it went down. 

“I’d better take my leave,” Five said, when he’d recovered from the shot.

You nodded, and you both stood.

“For what it’s worth,” he said, “I’d like you to come for Christmas tomorrow. But no pressure. I’m going to do things differently on my end this time, and none of that’s on you.”

“Thank you,” you said.

He bent, picked up the briefcase, and you followed him to your apartment door. There, he turned to look at you and held out his hand once more.

“Happy Holidays,” you said, solemnly, taking his outstretched hand.

Five raised your linked hands to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of yours.

“Happy Holidays,” he replied, and left.

Read Chapter Five >> (Final chapter!) I FEED OFF COMMENTS AND REBLOGS YUM YUM YUM

The Last of the Spirits — The Pointing Finger by John Leech, 1843 in Dickens' A Christmas Carol, first edition (1843).

Dickens' A Christmas Carol full text available here.

Read it! It's a much better than this, and you can see how many lines I stole verbatim or clumsily referenced.

Dividers used in this series by @bernardsbendystraws (garland) and @strangergraphics (lights) My husband (Mr Mango) also wishes it to be known that he came up with Ebenezer Splooge. It was him, it was him, it was all him! Here he is, at the bottom, where he belongs.

Taglist: @nevbrooke-555, @fiannee, @abeeabee6969, @chalametabingbong, @lolawassad, @icantpickanamefromonefandom @thebearmage @kaybreezy3000, @starlitflora (comment to be added or removed)

Megalist

Request info + rules

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See request info + rules for request status and more.

[henrysglock]

Finally, More NINA Puzzle Pieces

DISTRESSED NOISES!! WE GOT NINA CRUMBS!! AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE!!

IT HAS THE CAMERA!!! AT LEAST ONE VERSION OF REALITY HAS THE CAMERA!!!!!

Okay so remember when I pointed this out about the NINA discrepancies in El's 4.05 entrance, and how there were at least 22 different iterations of events?

Specifically this glaring difference between reality (tapes) and the rest of the 4.05 entrance (labeled 3 and 8)?

The presence of a camera in a UD-ified version of HNL tells us that the bottom row of images straight up cannot physically exist in one cohesive reality.

Which is to say—Anything that does not have the camera is 100%, definitely, concretely not based in the UD's reality/those versions without the camera are either fake or set in a different reality.

If you've been following along this past year and a half, this is not news to you; it's just confirmation of what we already knew.

It does, however, means that none of this was based in reality:

We already kind of knew that, based on the props changing so much within the Rainbow Room each time/Henry's changing hair/etc, but the confirmation goes crazy insane. We love to see it.

After the first entrance to NINA/after we see the footage of the version with the camera, we don't see a non-camera version again. Any non-camera versions seem to disappear. This means whatever simulation El's stuck in, it's adaptive. It learns, with a propensity for making itself immersive by molding itself to to the subject's understanding of reality.

However, what fucks me up is that all of these are, then, set in the same "reality":

Which means the new ST5 UD-ified HNL, the physical camera footage of 1979, Henry's electrocution, Blood Hands El, El running to the Rainbow Room, and Brenner running to the Rainbow Room are all supposedly set in "reality".

That's not possible, though. The electrocution scene cannot have existed in reality/could not possibly be a memory, because 14 year old El is barely tall enough to see in. 1979 El would not have been tall enough to have seen interaction:

This means that none of NINA is reliable. Period. Even the things that appear to be set in reality are unreliable re: what actually happened in 1979.

Whatever NINA runs on, it's adaptive and manipulative. It's like c.ai, if c.ai was actually AI. Whatever it is, it takes El's experiences both in the lab and outside the lab and combines them to form entirely new scenarios that never really happened (see: Blade Runner 2049 and the manipulated/mash-up memories shenanigans). El has been told she's reliving memories. That is not the case. None of what she's seeing is reliable. It's like when a movie says it's based on a true story.

This fits with what I said about the monologue never having existed at all and NINA being an immersive empathogenic drug trip that pulls from El's outside memories. It also fits with my draft about the Mindflayer ties between Shadow-NINA in the VR, TFS, and NINA in ST4, and my speculation in that same draft about a) NINA specifically running on the Mindflayer, and b) the Mindflayer using familiar humanoid avatars to gain sympathy and coerce its target into joining it.

We see this kind of behavior in Patty in her garnering sympathy from Henry and then insisting that she and Henry run away together to find her mother in the Stardust Casino...regardless of the fact that Henry is still flayed. We see it again in our "Couldn't Possibly Exist" Henry as he garners sympathy from El and then tells El to join him. And then we see it again in Shadow Brenner using the NINA-like maze to learn about Henry as a means to try and coerce him into joining him. It's a continuing theme.

Both Patty and "Henry" want Henry and El, respectively, to accept their offer and leave with them. Both Henry and El reject that offer in exactly the same way:

In my speculative opinion, we see a resurgence of this particular dual-yeeting in Billy and Heather.

Henry in the VR, as we know, has a dubious ending re: escaping the simulation.

This exists in contrast to the other version of NINA Henry, who, much like TFS Henry with Patty, is insistent that El run away without him.

When I say that we have multiple guys, this is what I mean. Their motivations are entirely different. One of these men in NINA is not Henry. It's someone or something masquerading as him. If I had to speculate, I would say that it stems from the Mindflayer and its possible presence in NINA...Especially given the similarities between NINA and the Russian prison, wherein they have a trapped form of the Mindflayer:

In short—Every day it seems more likely that whatever El fought in the massacre was not Henry. It's like I said way way back last year: there's someone else in there with her. Multiple someone-elses, even.

It also seems, if I had to speculate, that rejecting the Mindflayer avatar is what gives El her powers back. This means it may also be what "changed" about One, as mentioned in the plinko scene.

This all also backs what I speculated way back in the day about the blood transfusions being related to immunity against the Mindflayer, either finding it, triggering it, or building it. It seems to function like getting a live vaccine: you're given dose of the live virus, and your body fights it off. In fighting off the Mindflayer, it's entirely possible that the process triggers latent powers in those who have them. Those who don't have the basis for latent powers eventually succumb (see: Will, Billy, the Flayed). Brenner, with NINA, may have been giving El the equivalent of a booster shot.

[zaebeecee]

Helluva Boss Full Moon Episode Analysis 🌕 ✨

My very long and detailed personal analysis of the scene we were all waiting for below the cut. Spoilers, obviously, so don’t click if you don’t wanna see that. Also, this is just my own opinion, it’s cool if you don’t agree.

Also, I took all these screenshots on my phone because it’s all I have, so I apologize for the constant presence of the “hey you wanna change apps now or something” bar at the bottom of the screen.

tl;dr: Both Stolas and Blitzø are at fault here, and that’s the point of the episode.

So, I’m gonna start right after Stolas requests his book back and informs Blitzø that he needs it permanently.

Blitzø argues that he needs the book for his job. And that’s true, Moxxie already spelled that out earlier in the episode. But we have seen Blitzø trying to persuade Stolas before, and this is not how he does it. Whenever he persuades Stolas for something that is based in purely selfish reasons, he leans on his sexuality and on Stolas’ desire, not on straight up begging. All day, he has been plagued by Loona’s words that Stolas has been getting bored of him, and the fact that the first thing Stolas does is request his grimoire back is proof that she was right.

But Blitzø, being Blitzø, can’t just say that he’s scared Stolas has gotten bored of him, so he goes back to the thing Stolas already knows: he needs the book for his job.

Stolas, of course, was anticipating this. That’s why he has the Asmodean crystal prepared and within reach to give to Blitzø in exchange, probably to assuage his fears about the future of his company. He genuinely cares about Blitzø’s passions, and because of that, he is genuinely invested in his work and wants to do whatever he can to help him. Additionally, not only will the crystal end the transactional nature of their relationship, it will free Blitzø—and his employees—of the burden of being held accountable for law breaking.

Blitzø, on the other hand, wasn’t expecting anything like this. He has known from day one that if Stolas ever takes his book back, that’s the end of I.M.P. For Stolas to then turn around and tell him that he got a crystal for him (and advocated to Asmodeus on Blitzø’s behalf, no less) is something he probably never imagined would happen, much less anticipated.

For Stolas, a member of demonic royalty and of a privileged class of demon, this isn’t that big of a gesture. It’s big, of course—Stolas isn’t stupid, he knows how difficult it is for a non-Lust demon to acquire one of these crystals and is aware that his connections are the reason he was able to do this at all—but to him, it’s something of a no-brainer.

Stolas could not imagine a reality where he denied Blitzø anything, at least not right now. So, in his desire to end the transaction, it’s only natural to him that he would find another way for Blitzø to do his job, one where he doesn’t have to rely on anyone but himself. And in a rational situation, Stolas would be entirely right.

But this isn’t a rational situation. Blitzø doesn’t hear that he’s not beholden to anyone anymore, what he hears is that his excuse to see Stolas and pretend that it isn’t emotional has been taken away from him. That’s why he says they can just keep doing things the old way: he’s so emotionally constipated that if he loses the book, he either has to confront his feelings for Stolas or never see him again. And it might not matter anyway, because if Blitzø believes that Stolas only wants sex and has grown bored of him, this is simply a very expensive way to say “I don’t need you anymore”.

I think Stolas placing the stone on Blitzø’s bracer is a very important detail for the way things go in both of their minds, and it is very different:

For Stolas, he has proven to Blitzø that he is serious in his offer, and that this crystal belongs to him. He knows Blitzø is suspicious and untrusting, and by fastening it to him in a way that means Stolas himself cannot take it back, it shows Blitzø that Stolas truly means what he’s saying. It’s a display of selfless sincerity, and of trust, because if Blitzø took off that moment, there would be nothing Stolas could really do about it.

However, for Blitzø, Stolas has just taken away his autonomy and made the decision for him. Before he even had a chance to parse his thoughts on what’s happening, Stolas places the crystal on him, even though the only answer he has given is a fairly explicit “but I don’t want this”.

When Stolas tells Blitzø that he doesn’t have to stay, but that Stolas wants him to, he is showing an emotionally vulnerable side of himself that he only ever lets Octavia see. He is bearing his soul to Blitzø, because he wants to make it perfectly clear what he wants. And it’s so very important to emphasize that Stolas is very clear and direct in what he wants, because he doesn’t want to accidentally give Blitzø the wrong impression. He’s put a lot of thought into this, primarily because he’s been obsessing over what he was going to say ever since he went to ask Asmodeus for the crystal in the first place.

However, it’s also important to remember that Stolas is the one who prepared himself for this conversation. Of course he has a beautiful speech prepared and has reasoned out his arguments and knows exactly what he plans to do.

Blitzø is not prepared for this, however. Blitzø, who has convinced himself that a prince could never actually want an imp (especially one like him), who has spent all day telling himself that he isn’t feeling emotional over this and running all over town to acquire as much as possible because he’s afraid Stolas is getting bored, is completely blindsided by the sudden deluge of real emotion that’s pouring out of Stolas. Blitzø is already exceedingly bad with words, and because of his self-hate, he leans on the idea that it’s a kinky roleplay because that’s so much easier for him to believe.

Stolas, of course, has no reason to know any of this. To his eye, he just presented his heart to Blitzø on a platter, and Blitzø immediately turned flippant and dismissive, an obvious rejection of what he just metaphorically gutted himself over. To him, Blitzø has just affirmed that he doesn’t take this seriously, isn’t anywhere near as invested in it as Stolas is himself, and doesn’t actually want him.

To Stolas, this is the end of the conversation. He ended the transaction, he asked Blitzø for a real relationship, and Blitzø said no. With nothing else to discuss, Stolas leaves the room, probably assuming Blitzø will leave the way he came in. I would imagine that, after living with Stella for so long, the best way to deal with an awkward situation has always been to remove himself from that situation entirely. For him, this is a kindness, because otherwise the room is about to get very uncomfortable.

To Blitzø, this is a dismissal that Stolas would give to a servant or someone else he deems as lesser. He even asks if Stolas was serious in a disbelieving manner, because the idea of everything Stolas said being genuine is too alien for him. When he runs after Stolas, he clearly still doesn’t even know what he’s going to say, because things are moving too fast for him to process.

Stolas is, in my opinion, completely justified in his feelings. He’s hurt, because he’s cared so much for Blitzø for so long, and he tells him as much because Stolas is still trying to be fully upfront and honest. He believes he received Blitzø’s answer, as well as confirmation that everything has always been about sex.

I think it’s this, in particular, that sets Blitzø off. The transactional relationship was Stolas’s idea. Stolas spent every moment they were together, especially early S1, doing nothing but hitting on Blitzø. He even tells Stolas, in his mind, that he knows he only wants sex after the disaster at Ozzie’s, which was also the last time they talked in person. Blitzø is hearing his own words being used against him, realizing how much it hurts, and lashing out because anger is how he responds to strong emotion. (This is a bad thing, by the way. I’m not condoning it, just making an observation.)

Because he’s lashing out, Blitzø proceeds to verbally dump on Stolas, but he says something very important: he tells Stolas he needs a minute to think.

Blitzø was, again, blindsided by this conversation. He was then put on the spot and made to give an answer immediately, and when he wasn’t able to provide an in-depth, soul-searching, thoroughly considered answer off the cuff, he lost any opportunity to even attempt to recover the situation. And in my opinion, this is the most unfair thing Stolas does this entire scene. He seems to have completely forgotten that Blitzø isn’t prepared, and expects him to be as ready for this as he is himself.

When Blitzø tears into Stolas about his station, and about how the rich treat people like him, it’s clearly something he’s been wanting to say for quite some time. But he’s emotional, he’s not thinking straight, and he says things far harsher than he means to (which I’ll expound on in a moment). One of Blitzø’s flaws is saying things without thinking them through, and it definitely fucks him over right here.

Blitzø has no way of knowing that what he just said to Stolas is almost identical to what Striker said when he kidnapped and almost killed Stolas. But it is: both of them directly state that Stolas uses people beneath him because he can. Just like Blitzø didn’t hear Stolas’s sincerity, Stolas isn’t hearing Blitzø’s turmoil. Instead, he hears that the man he loves has the same opinion of him as someone who tried to kill him multiple times. That has to be a heartbreaking feeling, especially since Stolas seems to have been actively working to not be like his fellow royals, and it hurts him that Blitzø doesn’t see that.

Blitzø doesn’t just feel bad when he sees Stolas crying. When he hears Stolas’s words, he realizes what it was that he just said and that he didn’t mean it. He even tries to apologize; when he reaches out, he’s halfway through “I’m sorry” once he realizes he’s been teleported outside. And Blitzø never apologizes, not so directly, which means he knows that he hurt Stolas and he knows that Stolas didn’t deserve it.

I also think so much of his frustration stems from the fact that he wasn’t given an opportunity to explain himself. It was explaining that started healing his relationship with Fizzarolli, after all, and not having the same chance here was clearly fucking him up.

Here’s my takeaway from this episode: this argument needed to happen if their relationship was going to evolve in a healthy way. Both of them had put too much baggage into what they currently had, and the only way to fix that was to dump it out on the proverbial table the way they did. And, because they needed to dump their baggage, it makes sense that it ended with both of them wounded.

Both of them need time to work things out, be alone with their thoughts, and try to get over their own bullshit.

Blitzø needs to learn how to let himself open up to emotion, even just a little bit, and how to express himself without sarcasm, anger, or tears.

Stolas needs to learn how to actually listen to others (which we know is a problem from the time he took Via to Loo Loo Land after being told point blank she didn’t want to go).

Both of them did things wrong. And both of them did things right: Stolas was so honest and straightforward, and Blitzø immediately realized a place he had fucked up and tried to fix it immediately. And I think this argument needed to be both of their fault, ultimately, because something on this scale would be almost impossible to come back from otherwise.

Painful, but necessary. And it’ll just mean their making up will be that much more satisfying.

[mrabubu]

Heya! Ignore this if this is rude, sorry to just dump my opinions in your ask box like this!

About the Leosagi thing, it has a bit of a history in the tmnt fandom, that’s why it’s so popular now with the rise one. I’m not as knowledgeable as some older fans, but the Usagi comic book series and tmnt have been intertwined for a pretty long time. Crossovers and things have been happening almost every iteration, aside from rise. Each crossover tended to focus heavily on the friendship between Usagi and Leo, leading to a big chunk of the fandom shipping them in a bunch of the iterations.

The Usagi chronicles is widely regarded as a middle of the road show. It’s not amazing but it’s great to see the Usagi comic books get a show of their own! (in a, weird, several generations down the line way) The fact that it was released around the same time as rise, and that rise never got to have a Usagi crossover like most of the iterations before it, lead fans into taking the crossover into their own hands. It was tradition at that point, and those leading the charge happened to be the same ones who shipped Leosagi before rise, in 2003 and the like.

Leo being gay or trans has been a popular headcannon for a long time, probably because of the extremely queer fandom. Either way Leo in rise being more flamboyant than any Leo before him reinforced this I suppose. As someone who doesn’t mind the Leosagi ship (and is queer themself), I don’t think just because a guy is flamboyant or confident they’re gay. That’s a pretty small minded take and assuming that a guy can’t be flamboyant in any way without being “outside the norm” is a tale as old as time. But knowing this you can still have fun with flamboyant gay characters. I think some people can find comfort in head-cannoning a character as a confident, charismatic gay man!

But, aside from all of this, everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want with characters forever. People should not feel offended if anyone portrays a character as straight or gay, canon is fandoms personal playground and it doesn’t matter at the end of the day. I think your Y/N stuff is awesome and you should keep doing whatever you find joy in, because that’s what fandom is about. Try not to get too offended at the Leosagi shippers, tmnt has had this tradition long before rise, and it’s just the fandoms history moving forward with the newest iterations. Let the gay people go wild, doesn’t matter who they ship who with, if people are having fun and making art together.

I hope you don’t have to receive any kind of hate for the ship you prefer, you aren’t morally obligated to like anything, and this is your blog, you choose what happens here.

YOU are NOT being rude, anon, don't worry xd

Just in case, yeah, I know about history between TMNT and Usagi, and I know they had crossovers many times.

Again, I have no problems with people who enjoy their headcanons by themselves and don't touch anyone with it. You don't touch me, I don't touch you, simple as that. I'm not a fan of both these headcanons, so I just either keep scrolling or filter/hide them. I don't try to make people stop enjoying something they like because I have no right to do so.

About Leo, there was already a comment that I agree with, and I hope they don't mind if I quote them here:

"There's a difference between being flamboyant and being gay. Being flamboyant does not make you or someone gay. This is a common stereotype that can be harmful to the LGBTQ+ community. Being flamboyant is a way some people express themselves and their identity and trust me, it does not determine their sexual orientation or gender identity."

I have a little personal history with thing that is different, but has the same core, because I'm half-blood. One of my parents was from another country, and because of that some of my actions and personality have been judged based on my ethnicity.

Again, you headcanon Leo as gay? Okay, just please, don't try to make people believe it's canon. Because I've seen cases like this, and there's a whole video where a person basically says that Leo is gay and if you don't agree, "heck, you're wrong! And the fact that you don't agree only proves that it's canon" and a bunch of other "proves" that mostly made out of thin air. Like, wth...? Who gave you right to say something like that? You're not the creator of the show. And because of people like this there are a bunch of those who actually believe this headcanon to be canon.

For me it turns into a problem when people are crossing the line and start shoving their headcanons into your face, trying to prove/make you believe that it's canon, and simply being rude if you don't agree or just say that you don't like it. If a person didn't do anything to you personally, who said you have the right to being rude to them or even harass them?

If this behavior crosses the line of my interests, why do they have the right to be offended by my disagreement, but I have to ignore them if it hurts me?

Not to mention how bad I feel for RIse creators who are still being constantly pressured by people with all this which is NOT okay and shouldn't be okay.

Just in case, all this isn't directed personally to you, anon. I'm sorry for so much text again xd

[life-in-the-monster-haus]

I am so so so sorry for just popping in here and bringing back bible talk because I know you got flack for it but I wanted your opinion on this.

Fontana was doing a Q&A on Instagram for September and she answered a question about why Clawdeen and Howleen weren’t related anymore:

But the leaked bible (which I don’t believe you read) said Clawdeen and Howleen were secret cousins and it would be revealed at the end of season 1, which contradicts the show and what Fontana is saying here.

I guess I just want to know what you think cause I value your opinion but I also see fans refer to the Bible leak a lot and I know you were one of the people that didn’t believe it. (You can ignore me too I kinda just stormed in here)

I'll never ignore a well thought out question or a fellow fan who wants to exchange ideas! bring them on!

No need to apologize! The thing with the show bible got quite out of hand, now that the season is over we can clearly see it was a bunch of circumstantial nonsense. I can talk about it now, enough time and fan fare has passed.

I read it and personally? it sounded like it was mostly assumptions and educated guesses based off the direction Nickolodeon / Mattel are going in matters like diversity & inclusion. Not really something that a show staff would write.

I think everyone was HOPING Clawdeen and Howleen would still be related (I was too) but honestly? after the secret dimensional crap they pulled with Clawd & then finding out her mom was still alive, the likelihood of Clawdeen having a 3rd surprise relative she wasn't aware of became more and more unlikely.

I don't really care for the cultural consultant they hired to over-see this season. While the concern of "all monsters of a certain ethnicity assuming to be related" IS a valid concern, I don't think it applies to the wolf pack. In fact I think it brings up way more and weirder questions / implications than the one they are trying to fix.

So now that we know Howleen is not related to Clawd & Clawdeen what does this mean for Howleen? is she no longer black now? they said Hexican heritage so I'm assuming Howleen is no longer black and she is now only Mexican. I take bigger issue with them erasing Howleen's blackness than encouraging this obscure & ancient stereotype that "people of the same ethnicity would all be related" or is she ALSO mexcian and black? it's POSSIBLE for 2 different interracial families to have kids in the same area / school / grade. it's just not very likely. As a mixed person myself I take issue with this... I know lots of half Puerto Ricans in my state but I'm one of three who's Puerto Rican AND Irish and none of us are in the same age range. I don't think the wolf pack encouraged any negative stereotypes because we saw other black kids and other werewolves. it's not a problem to view them all as related IF they are in fact related. There's nothing wrong with having a big family either. Harry Potter did it with the Weasley's there's 7 children in the family but no one said it was encouraging negative stereotypes about redheads.

I love G3 I really do, it's mostly done positive things for the brand and the characters we love. But every once in awhile they kinda shoot themselves in the foot while trying to avoid something they do something way, way worse. for example in this generation they're trying to "tone down" mentions of death because they said it's too depressing for modern kids and Shea has also gone on record saying that monsters like Zombies and Ghosts aren't the remnants of dead humans, they were born monsters. Which is all well and good but then they still do things that only dead creatures do - like Vampires drinking blood - the reason they do it is because their blood cannot sustain life or Zombies eating brains, why do they still need brains if they're a complete being? and where are the brains coming from? Ghoulia made an entire loaf of Whole Brain Bread in the first season of the Nickolodeon show, brains came from someone. So someone somewhere died to provide those brains and if they're not real brains they why are we calling them brains? why not just have it be pink nutrient mush!?

Because THAT would ruin Ghoulia's cool flesh eating aesthetic, no more Brain Puffs or Cup-O-Brains. (which I personally love & I hope they never stop doing this)

See the logistical nightmare that one change created!? If no one has ever died, where is all the dead stuff coming from!? Frankie is literally made out of corpses, why is that okay!? Because their donor parts died a long time ago!? What is the cut off for how long someone has to be dead before we can joke about using their body parts to create a new person!? They have Frida Kahlo's arm and Frida died 70 years ago.

Making Howleen not related to our main wolf pack did something similar. it's created a logical nightmare that I am confident Shea and her crew do not want to answer for because "it's not plot relevant" but it's relevant to us, the fans, we're the only ones who care.

I don't like it and I think their cultural consultant is needlessly walking on egg shells. I don't feel this concern was all that much of a prominent issue with Clawdeen's family during the previous generations - if anything the fans spent WAY more time denying her being black than anything else and Mattel's flat out refusal to give her natural textured hair supported this theory. But at least G3 is trying to correct this... they need to try harder though, a few braids and baby hairs aren't going to cut it I NEED Clawdeen to have some puffs, corn rows or a whole head of braids. (stop putting blonde in her hair mixture while you're at it!) I do not like that Hoween is no longer part of our wolf pack but I guess it's better than her being written out of the series completely.

Sorry I kinda went on a tangent there, but I assume these in depth thoughts are why you guys ask me these kinds of questions to begin with.

[lamialamia]

We have a problem: why am I watching this sex scene again?

Ah. Sex scenes. You wild wild beast. The crossroad of many discourses and analyses and opinions and essays and now, here I am, a mere casual ww2 rpf fan, throwing my own hat to the ring. In this blog post I'm going to talk once more about sex scenes -- two in particular -- and why the eff one of them matters, making the ww2 rpf more compelling and the other did not.

Disclaimer: Whether or not sex scenes are needed in media in general or the right way to implement them across the vast spectrum of art is not part of this discussion. Please keep in mind I'm trying to complain about the writing decision in the small scope of the HBO War shows.

I have discussed the problem with the Crosby/Sandra plot line in a previous analysis here. But I think the problem with it requires another (and maybe a third) write-up. Here, I want to talk about why the tiny sex scene between Crosby and Sandra in episode 7 is a waste of screen time.

So, we have the sex scene in MOTA episode 7. It is somewhat explicit and it was clear it is consensual and that the people who are fucking is very into it. In comparison to other sex scenes in HBO War fandom, it doesn't exactly stands out to me with just the imagery of the act (of course this is a personal opinion, whether or not I find a sex scene hot or bad or corny or lovely or [insert adjective here] is not universal).

However, my problem with this sex scene between Crosby and Sandra is that it doesn't matter to the story.

After getting it on with Sandra, and then after she left him, Crosby never talked about this affair in anyway. Not over the narration, expressing some kind of sentiment over it, not with Rosie or any other guy, so me, the audience, have no idea what he think about it or how he might be affected about it. We didn't know what Sandra think or feel about it either because her scenes are about her spy works and that's it.

You might say: well he doesn't have to tell us how he feel if the show can demonstrate to us the same thing.

Yet, MOTA never did that. Furthermore, the show never portray the sex between them matters to the characters beyond getting their rocks off. And then, the sex doesn't matter to the theme of the episode nor the overall theme of the show either. It's just something that happened.

(Sad to say that maybe this sub-plot distracts me from the rest of episode 7 and 8)

This might be consider 'realistic'. In real life, people can have sex just for the joy of it. Which is true, but in a drama mini-series, the choices to include or exclude details must take in consideration whether what is on screen is valuable to the story the show is trying to tell. Why are they including this sex scene instead of the hundred other real life details that don't make the cut? We don't have a training montage for the pilots, we never learn how Quinn and Bailey get back to base from Germany, we never have the D-Day invasion sequence,...

Let's have a comparison to another sex scene.

In The Pacific episode 3, Sidney Phillips met Gwen in Melbourne and started a romance with her that ended in them having sex before he got shipped back to Pavuvu. Personally for me, it wasn't an awesome sex scene either. Both Gwen and Sidney were awkward, they kissed and the entire thing ended with him kissing her bare shoulder.

But what truly matter happened latter. When Eugene arrived in Pavuvu and reunited with Sidney, he asked Sidney about what combat was like. And to answer this, Sidney mentioned him sleeping with Gwen not to brag about his sexual conquest but to make a comparison with the brutal battles he survived.

Despite the fact that the two of them grew up together, in just a small amount of times, Sidney have been through things and done things Eugene hadn't. All of that (both combat and his brief romance with Gwen) had changed Sidney to the point that Eugene could not longer connect with him. There was now a chasm between them. Eugene looked at his friend and tried to understand him but couldn't. There were things that must be experienced to be understood.

And then, Eugene himself went through life-changing events. The war changed him so much that when he returned to Mobile, he once again couldn't connect with Sidney

Or his brother (who was in the Army and was in the euro theatre) -- another person who had gone through the war himself.

Both Sidney and Eugene's older brother had returned home before him while Eugene had just came back, fresh off the board with his mental wounds, and it showed the chasm had formed between him and these two men who supposed to shared this brutal experience with Eugene.

In fact his brother specifically mentioned how Eugene is still a virgin, which highlight further how he was 'missing out' on that particular experience that both these men have.

And this all started when we were still following H company and witnessed Sidney and Gwen having sex. That small thing compounded over time. It snowballed into all these differences and distance that Sidney would have with Eugene, and then Eugene would be having against his own hometown, his brother, his family, and his best friend. It served to show how war had did its number on Eugene in many ways.

The sex scene between Sidney and Gwen mattered to the story, it served a narrative purpose eventually.

Crosby and Sandra's sex scene did not. And to include it meant there would be less screen time for any other story line, leaving not just the sub-plot of Crosby's arc weaker, but the other ones as well. Overall, this creative decision left MOTA a weaker show in term of its writing.

[beezelarts]

So, I’ve been thinking.

One of my favourite tropes in books, movies or shows is the obsessed artist. A mixture of genius and insanity. So, I’m trying to think of ways in which Bradley and Jake might fit into that category.

For Bradley, it’s pretty straightforward in my opinion. He’s obsessed with proving Maverick wrong, obsessed with flying as best as he can and (but this is kind of a headcanon) obsessed with Jake. He can’t get over how Jake always seems to be the superior pilot, someone who is seemingly better at everything where he himself is lacking. He tries to compensate by telling himself that Jake is a bad team player and arrogant (true, but I think he might still be the better pilot). From the second time watching TGM and rewatching TG1986 it was clear that there are parallels between Mav and Hangman whereas Rooster seems more like Ice. At least when it comes to the way they fly. This might also be a reason for why Bradley and Jake seem to not get along at all. Now, this is purely a headcanon based on what I read in Hangster fanfics: Bradley being obsessed with Jake as a sexual object. While a lot of those stories are advertised as romance stories the way Bradley thinks about Jake and about what he likes about him seems very superficial and oftentimes solely focused on Jake’s body.

In conclusion: Bradley is obsessed with proving Mav wrong and with Jake, either as his rival and/or the object of Bradley’s sexual phantasies.

Now, when it comes to Jake being obsessive there’s a lot more room to play: we don’t really know much about Hangman aside from his tendencies to leave people behind and only care about himself. And of course his callsign. While the movie suggest that his callsign refers to him leaving his teammates hanging or his air-to-air kill (hangman = executioner) I think it’s secretly because of his dyslexia (solely headcanon). Therefore, it must have been a great struggle for him to get through school, the academy, flight school and Top Gun. The fact that he most likely excelled is probably because he, too, is obsessed with flying and being the best.

However, this still leaves his character kind of flat.

One of my favourite shows is Queens Gambit, a series about a young female chess genius in the fifties and sixties who is truly obsessed with the game to the point where she fails to take proper care of herself. (If you’ve watched it you know what I mean, if not… I really wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s on Netflix.)

Something I’ve read in numerous fanfics is how Jake never joins the others whenever Bradley is at the piano playing and singing. And this might either be due to his jealousy towards him because Bradley seems so much more popular and likeable. But today I remembered something my music teacher in high school said. He once told us about this one man with whom he sang in the church choir and how worked up the guy got when people sang off-key. That was because he had absolute hearing and couldn’t handle people singing in a different pitch even if they didn’t sound off-key to anyone else. So, Jake never joins the others because Bradley frequently sings in a different pitch compared to what the original sounds like. This leads to my other not-navy/flying related obsession. Music. It’s either the piano or the violin.

In my head, he inherited this trait from his mother, a great pianist or violinist, started to play at a very young age and became great at it himself. In this case, Jake kind of grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, a seemingly perfect childhood. However, behind the scenes he has a neglectful mother and an uncaring father who doesn’t bother supporting his wife through her depression and other mental illnesses. The only thing binding Jake to his mother is their common obsession with music. A vivid memory of Jake with his mother is how he’d watch her take numerous pills, downing them with either wine or bourbon before sitting down next to her on the piano stool. As an adult he refuses to take any opioids or anxiety medication and has a love-hate relationship with music because it always brings him back to those moments.

When Bradley and Jake eventually move in together, Bradley finds about Jake’s musical talent. He learns new songs playing by ear because he can’t read sheet music and sometimes struggles to find the right note.

„This song is written in C minor, Bradley. Try with G and then E flat.“

I love this headcanon because it gives Jake so much depth not related to flying and has great angst!potential.

Now, this was a long-ass, poorly structured post. Apologies for that and kudos to everyone who made it to the end. Further questions and suggestions are greatly appreciated! This is a lovely and welcoming fandom ♥️

[genericpuff]

A while back you made a post mentioning Down to Earth is trash and I would like to here your take on it. No pressure on it I just like hearing your opinion on things. FYI I hate Kade lol

I did, and I've been meaning to post about it, but I've been taking some extra time to re-read as much as I can so that I could better collect my thoughts :' )

Now I will mention, I have not caught up to the most recent episodes. Most of my thoughts here will reflect the earliest parts of the series, as I didn't end up sticking with this one. So please take my criticisms as someone who just never got into this series for various reasons, not as someone who was incredibly into the comic and fell off it (like I am with LO). I will try to judge it and review it fairly based on that context.

Most of my issues with Down to Earth don't stem nearly as deep as my issues with LO, Let's Play, or even Big Ethel Energy. Frankly, I think the comic is 'fine', but I don't think it's necessarily all that good either, and the amount of attention it gets from the platform lends to the fact that I really think its success is due to a lot of generated hype. This is one of the other comics on the platform that gets a LOT of priority advertising, not quite as egregious as LO, but still a lot.

The short answer: I think the comic is just overrated and pretty basic in terms of its storytelling and art, and I don't think it's necessarily a good "romance" comic for some of the same reasons I don't think LO or Let's Play are good romance comics. I think the only reason I don't get quite as mad at it as I do with LO or BEE or LP is because (as far as I can tell) it's not really advertising itself as some feminist progressive piece of work. It's sorta just "what you see is what you get", and what you get isn't really all that great (for reasons listed below) but at least it doesn't try to sound smarter than it is most of the time. Read it the same way you would watch a fluff anime.

Moving into my long answer, I will say some of the things that were initially appealing about it: the art is very colorful and cutesy, the comedy (for the most part) is inoffensive and simple, and the story is really easy to pick up and get into.

That said, I do think some of those praises are also part of its weaknesses.

While the art gets better over time, there are certain aspects of its stylization that still feel very "baby's first webcomic" to me. Which is great if you're someone who's into that style, but when I read it, it never really stops feeling like a Canvas comic, if you catch my drift. Nothing really sets it apart from the flood of Merryweather-esque fan service comics that are in the Canvas section.

And boy, is there a LOT of fanservice in this comic. I think the main plot point itself is fanservice in and of itself - cutesy anime alien girl crashes on earth, and winds up living with the depressed NEET-like guy, shenanigans ensue from how "inexperienced" she is due to her alien status. Everything from the circumstances of this character's plot to how she's drawn screams "this is for people who like to read about small titty girls with big asses being put into a situation where they have to rely on a man". The comic takes many opportunities to draw the FL, Zaida, as wide as possible (and of course, the ML Kade loves this trait about her, it's one of the first thing he notices aside from the fact that she speaks an alien language and can do weird alien things like telepathy and flying).

Thankfully this does get a little better in the later episodes, you can tell the creator was struggling with anatomy in places and then honed their skills, but there are still times it regresses back to the extremely-pinched-waist-mega-badonker-hips look.

Don't get me wrong, having a protagonist with wide hips like this is all fine and dandy, but there's a point where you can tell it's purely for fanservice and that's definitely what the comic wants you to know from the starting gun. She fits perfectly into that "born sexy yesterday" trope that so many romance FL's do (cough Persephone cough) while also having that "uwu I'm so inexperienced :(((" vibe that you get from characters like Sam in Let's Play. Shit, Kade pretty much starts sexualizing her before he even knows what her deal is as a person. Does he even know how old she is? Is "she" even a "she", do these aliens have different concepts of gender identity or even different types of reproductive organs than what you would find on Earth?

Look, I get it that I'm probably WAY overthinking it, you can write comics about characters from other dimensions and planets without having to get into the nitty gritty of whether or not they have periods, that's fine. But the real problem is the fact that her being from another planet seems to be used purely for creating an infantilized character with extra steps who's easily laughed at for not knowing things (don't even get me started on how "alien" could be replaced with "someone who doesn't speak English or have access to modern devices" in a lot of this comic, but I feel like that's way too deep of a criticism to be pinning on something that's literally designed to be a quirky fanservice fluff comic.)

Like, you want an alien girl who looks human but still acts reasonably like an alien - while even tackling subjects that come with being an "outsider" - without making her act like a literal baby? Starfire from Teen Titans.

(granted, the whole "smooching to transfer information" thing is definitely a little weird in hindsight, and there are definitely moments of fanservice, but that's about as weird as it gets lmao you don't see Starfire acting like a literal toddler, she is smart and capable, she just isn't from Earth, which is the whole point of her characterization being parallel to that of what foreigners experience ! She's not stupid or incapable of taking care of herself, she's just not accustomed to life on Earth!)

Like, this is in one of the newer episodes and I just-

(I suddenly have to throw up-)

It really dials the creep factor of this whole relationship dynamic to 100 when they drive home just how "babylike" she is through panels like this. It's not really her being unaware of customs around her, it's just her being written as babylike as possible with the fact that she's an alien being used as justification.

But it really makes you think about Kade's intentions when he goes straight to buying lingerie for the girl he just met who's been forced to stay with him in his home. He doesn't even really make efforts to help her get on her own feet, he just accepts this as his fate and goes "welp I guess I gotta make sure I don't get fired from my job" because now he has to support the baby girl that landed in his backyard. So Zaida ends up having no agency as a result. It just feels like a contrived situation meant to force an unaware, vulnerable girl into being taken care of by a guy who's, frankly, a creep.

And boy, Kade is actually kind of a creepy scumbag.

Kade makes for a really uninteresting and frankly pathetic character, he's just sort of a whiny man baby and you just know if Zaida was an earthling who had spent time on this planet longer than a few days, she probably wouldn't put up with this shit LOL Like, deadass he basically threatens to harm her within the first few episodes of the comic-

Like, this is after she's ruined his Playstation or w/e, and it's just like DAMN girl, this is a RED FLAG. But of course, she's an alien girl who's ignorant about everything, so it creates that power dynamic where he basically has full reign to take advantage of her at any time. Ladies, if a guy says you shouldn't trust him, take him at his word.

Zaida's characterization is also very inconsistent between her being an alien and her just being an "uwu baby girl". Often times it just makes the whole "alien" thing feel like it's only there to justify writing yet another "I'm babyyyy" romance. Sometimes she's WAY more privy to things than you'd expect her to be and then other times she's doing the dumbest shit for laughs.

Now to be fair, she DOESN'T put up with his shit here, but the fact that the writing for Zaida is inconsistent makes scenes like Kade being a creep being more about the creator realizing they're leaning too hard into her being vulnerable to abuse and so they quickly have Zaida combat it with some strange amount of awareness despite the fact she's only been living with him for a few days... but not enough awareness to maybe realize this isn't a good living situation. Like, again, she may be able to speak English, but that doesn't mean she's fully aware of what Earthlings are like, so she's suddenly really smart about what it means to be taken advantage of by a human man even though everywhere else in the comic she's written like a toddler.

And of course, like many of these webtoons tend to do, they don't linger on the implications of this scene too long, so they quickly turn it into a punchline to ease the tension. Audience comfort restored.

And that brings us to the comedy. The "jokes" in this comic basically boil down to, "haha, the alien girl doesn't know how to take care of herself on Earth!" , which frankly, I think is just a very thin veil for infantilization. I mean, really, the fact that she's an alien doesn't even really matter in the world of this comic, it takes a while for the comic to even really give us a glimpse of what her life was like off Earth so most of the comic is just typical slice of life cutesy moments you'd find in literally any shoujo or romance webtoon. You could switch out the fact that she's an alien with her being from another dimension, or turn it into an isekai where she was the female character in Kade's favorite video game who suddenly got zapped into the real world, and it would make fundamentally zero difference.

They even sorta lampshade this fact but swiftly move on from it.

There's nothing really that makes her an "alien" in any unique or consequential way, she's just a carbon copy anime girl with pointy ears who could be replaced with any other trope from other romance subgenres like this. She can eat human food just fine, dress in human clothes, and as long as she wears a hat over her ears, she's literally indistinguishable from the humans around her.

I will add as well that there are a lot of little ways they hint towards the implied dynamic between these two, at least in the beginning. The whole "second rule: obey" bit, while passed off immediately after as a joke, feels like it was inserted there JUST to create that imbalanced power dynamic that so many "romance" webtoons rely on, similarly to LO and Let's Play. The fact that he corrects himself from this just feels like, again, lampshading.

And again, after this we do see Kade legitimately acting like a creep and he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING to help Zaida get her footing beyond paying for her room and board and telling her to mind her vocabulary, so this seems more like him trying to create a situation that's beneficial to him where he's effectively trapped this girl into relying on him.

They even lampshade this as well so that leads me to believe they're fully aware of this dynamic and how creepy it is, so they try and play it off as a "haha so funny" joke to ease the tension or create suspension of disbelief.

When it comes to the actual execution of punchlines, again, 90% of the jokes in this comic are "haha alien girl so stupid!"

(I will admit this scene did make me laugh, but it's telling that it was the only one that stood out to me for that because every other joke in this series is very mid and resorts to the same type of "haha she's a stupid alien girl" punchlines.)

(omg mental illness! so funny! /s)

If you really want comedy written around aliens describing human things in weird ways, then just go read Strange Planet. They're actually aliens and they're consistently funny through much smarter writing that doesn't rely purely on "lmao they're stupid because they're not from here". If anything the aliens in Strange Planet are way more welcoming and endearing to the concept of being a fish out of water than simply making them stupid for a punchline.

(i swear to christ, "crisscross flop disc" and "prohibit anxiety" are lines that have lived in my head rent free for like 3 years now, it never gets old and THAT'S how you know it's a good joke LMAO)

And the story, as mentioned, is easy to get into, but ultimately that winds up meaning it's not really all that well done. Like, it's fine! It's a cute comic to read if you're into this sort of thing, there are a lot of sweet little moments that feel good to read between Kade and Zaida, but ultimately because of the focus on the fluff, that's all it ends up feeling like - weekly doses of fluff. Even when it tries to have some semblance of plot, it's quickly undercut by fanservice. So it's just kinda boring and vapid.

Case in point, one of Kade's observations of Zaida is that she apparently looks "just like his ex girlfriend" who he still clearly hasn't gotten over, but we don't actually see even a hint of what his ex-girlfriend looks like until MULTIPLE episodes later after the "sparks" have already started being formed between him and Zaida.

Um... she doesn't really look like Zaida at all aside from them both being generic anime girls, but okay lol by that logic the girl he served at the store in Episode 7 also looks like Zaida.

So it kinda makes the whole relationship feel superficial, like he's only interested in her because she vaguely reminds him of his ex, and it's taking so long to get through any amount of plot through all the fluff that I can't be sure if they ever actually address this. I'd like to think they do eventually, though from what I've heard of the later episodes after his ex-girlfriend makes an appearance, it seems more like they go the LO route of making the two relationship "choices" just be complete opposites where one is actually sweet to the ML and the other is abusive JUST to make the sweet FL seem like the "better option". IDK, obviously my criticism of this is lukewarm because I haven't kept up on this comic in ages, but I have the sneaking suspicion the whole ex-girlfriend-the-ML-can't-get-over plotline isn't gonna be used for his development, just to further propel him and Zaida into a relationship - and by extension, manufactured drama to make their relationship more "interesting".

Overall, I don't think Down to Earth is anywhere near as egregious as Let's Play and LO, but it's definitely cut from the same cloth, and that's why it frustrates me to see it - alongside LO and Big Ethel Energy - being marketed as "new voices in romance".

(also real talk, it's so disingenuous for them to include LO in this "new voices in romance comics" panel when it's been around for so many years that everyone and their grandma who uses WT knows about the comic, if they aren't reading LO by now they REALLY don't want to. It's not "new", if anything it's one of the oldest ongoing webtoons on the platform and it REALLY needs to end already lmao)

Far be it from me to gatekeep an entire genre, but this brand of romance comic isn't really "romance". It's vapid fluff loaded up with egregious fanservice that's meant to give you a hit of dopamine every week, while never lingering on serious scenes for too long because they don't want you to realize just how imbalanced the relationship is between the two main characters. It's not quite as concerning as LO or Let's Play, but it does have a vibe that's really uncomfortable when you start to feel it. So having comics like these held up as the "golden standard" of romance is just... it's really telling as to what WT's priorities are and how unhealthy "romance" has become in mainstream media.

And if I can get a little "old man yelling at cloud" for a second, I miss when romance was sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. I think the only mainstream and successful romance webcomic (and it's not even an Originals!) that I've seen in the last several years that isn't loaded up with these problematic tropes is Heartstopper. Heartstopper is sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. Heartstopper is way more of a pillar for a healthy romance than what any of these "new voices in romance comics" can provide. It literally couldn't function as an Originals series because the definition of a WT romance comic would undercut the actual point of Heartstopper.

These unhealthy standards and dynamics that we've set in the romance genre have been so pervasive for years now and I really just wish they'd go away.

y'know what, this whole essay is really just a promo post for Heartstopper now, go read it-

[xclowniex]

you've reblogged some posts about how people hide their antisemitism in antizionism. I'm trying to educate myself further, could you please explain how?

It's great that you are reaching out to educate yourself further.

Zionism as an ideology just means that the State of Israel should exist in one form or another in Southern Levant.

Zionism is not an inherently violent ideology. Just like with any ideology, there are those who are violent and those who aren't. Not all zionists are jews and not all jews are zionists.

Zionism also doesn't mean that Palestine can't exist. Palestine isn't even mentioned in the base ideology of Zionism. You can have zionists who believe in Palestine not existing, however that is not zionism. That is an added on opinion to zionism, like a side to a main meal if we are to use a metaphor.

If you believe in a two state solution, you are a zionist as you believe that the state of Israel should exist.

Some people hide their antisemitism behind antizionism. People who do that usually wouldn't have the opinion that they do about Israel for other countries. Whilst not all Israeli citizens are jews, Israel is mostly comprised of jews. The fact that a person is having a certain opinion only about a jew majority country and not any other country is cause for concern. What about that country is different to other countries? The answer is a majority Jewish population.

An example of anti a country when it's really about hating jews, which does not involve Israel is South Africa's immigration policy in the 1930's. SA limited the amount of immigrants from countries with a high Jewish population but did have any limits for low Jewish population countries. On the Wikipedia page about that, it is called antisemitism and I think most people can agree that it is antisemitism as the only reason why those high Jewish population countries are limited is because if their high Jewish population.

So as you can see, before Israel's existence in the modern world, jews have faced antisemitism hid as being against a country.

If the amount of jews a country has is the only difference as to why they are getting special treatment negatively vs other countries, that is antisemitic.

Genuine critiques of the Israeli government is valid and is not antisemitism. Critiques of the Israeli government which you wouldn't have about any other government is antisemitic.

A lot of people will call unvalid critiques antizionism even though it counts as antisemitism.

The best way to know if someone is hiding their antisemitism as antizionism is to go "does this person hold the state of Israel to different standards than other countries" if the answer is yes, then you are seeing antisemitism.

Another form of antisemitism being held as antizionism is if someone views all zionists as being violent and anti Palestine. As I touched on earlier, zionism is not inherently either of those two things. Yes some people can be both of those thing, a zionist and violent/is anti Palestine, however zionism is inherently neither of those things.

If you believe that a state of Israel can't exist without Palestine being destroyed, why? Because it's never been successful as peace? Communism has never been successfully implemented yet a lot of antizionists believe in Communism and don't think doing so is wrong or harmful. Israel has never broken a ceasefire before. So its not like there hasn't been attempts for Israel to exist alongside Palestine from Israel.

If someone believes that all zionists are violent and hate Israel, it also poses the question of why someone believes that an ideology born by jews is inherently violent?

Now getting into my personal opinion to take this as you will.

Antizionism is impossible to implement without harming jews. If you got rid of the state of Israel, what happens to the jew who lived in Israel?

Jews are not allowed to immigrate to Gaza by Hamas. Hamas wants to kill all jews. Do you really think that will stop once Israel no longer exists? What's the other alternative? Forcing all jews to immigrate to other countries? How well do you think that is going to go when over 6 million people need to move to other countries. Think about refugee crises. Those have not been handled well. Do you think that potential crisis of having to rehome 6 million jews will be handled with ease? Wanting either of that is antisemitic not antizionism.

A one state solution for either country will not work and therefore a two state solution needs to be put in place which Israel has wanted since its existence in the modern day.

[2rats1gogh]

Hi! I wanted to know your opinion of Jacaerys. I always see that Team Black believes that he would have been a good king and it is also mentioned in the text, I, on the other hand, like to analyze what I read and draw my own conclusions. This guy's decisions were largely...bullshit. The first one that comes to my mind is the idea of riding their dragons and not sending ravens because then everyone would know they were "Targaryens" because only Targaryens ride dragons...then he proceeds to propose the idea of dragon seeds with bastards who haven't lived with his privilege claiming and riding dragons...and we already saw how it turned out. He also seems to me to be a very bad negotiator since to get support or maintain it he had to make quite important concessions and promises. The idea of sending away their little half-brothers who are not old enough to defend themselves and who only have little Stormcloud, when Rhaena and Joffrey were perfectly fine in the Vale does not seem logical to me. I always see that he died trying to save his half-brothers but this is not mentioned anywhere, Vermax decided to fly low...yes, but at no time is it mentioned that it was to rescue Viserys, I have read this fragment in the books that talk of the subject, not only fire and blood and it does not appear, I don't know if the source is this video that appeared on YouTube years ago where the Strong Boys had Valyrian traits 😂 there we see the credibility. They also say that he saved Aegon but the truth is that he was saved by his dragon... who did not allow himself to die until he was safe in Dragonstone, this decision did not have any positive impact on his half-brothers, rather it condemned them, Aegon to live with the guilt that did not belong to him and Viserys to be married at the age of 12...after spending years kidnapped.

Then there is the issue of Driftmark, something tells me that the legitimization of Addam and Alyn and consequently setting aside Joffrey as heir to House Velaryon was Corlys' condition to maintain his support, the people of team black usually say that this is so because Joffrey couldn't inherit the throne and also Driftmark (😂 sure, Corlys would be very upset if he was really his grandson) but Jacaerys was also alive when this agreement was reached. In short, I do not see brilliance or political cunning anywhere, besides the fact that with his condition as a bastard he should not have rights to the throne, but in his case no one speaks of usurpation to his half-brothers Aegon and Viserys, to Alicent's children and even Daemon's daughters, who had more inheritance rights than him and his two brothers, in the end his claim was based on a very very bad lie.

The dance is very poorly written, the truth is that this fact should have had more impact, I understand that they were going to die and George did not worry, but that Rhaenyra continued to be heir and retain so many supports being a woman with three very obvious bastards in a feudal society....It doesn't seem credible to me at all.

They give the example of English Anarchy but the truth is that it has nothing to do with it. Matilda had no siblings and it was a cousin, son of her father's sister, who claimed the throne. She also had no bastards, she had no children from her first marriage, in fact in the end it was her legitimate son, who she had with her second husband, who ended up on the throne and she fought more for his claim than for hers. It is not as similar as Team black points out, there are quite a few differences, Matilda and Rhaenyra are not the same.

Have a good Saturday! 🫶🏻

Hii sorry for the late response, hope you had a great Saturday yourself!

As much as I am a team green supporter, I never really hated Jace that much. My only real issue with him was him bringing the knife when Baela end Rhaena said that they’re going after Aemond. That’s it. He was never as awful as Luke, but he wasn’t that likable either tbh.

Imo we simply never got to know Jace well enough to say whether or not he would’ve been a good king. There is pretty much no evidence to suggest that he would. He might’ve been a good brother and a good son but that wouldn’t automatically make him a good ruler.

I think people are just mainly saying this because he is Rhaenyra’s firstborn and they are gaslighting themselves into thinking that Jace would’ve been a great king and so it’s a win for Rhaenyra when in reality we can’t say for sure. As you said, he did make some questionable decisions throughout the story. He was still pretty young, so he could’ve either matured into a wise and just king, or power and ambition could’ve corrupted him.

I think Rhaenyra’s bastards, and Jace mainly, are interesting only because they died in horrible ways. As soon as they were born (outside of marriage), they were doomed. And that’s their whole personality unfortunately. They have nothing interesting to offer other than being Rhaenyra’s doomed bastards. And Jace is just that.

And if we’re being honest, I don’t think the realm would’ve accepted him as a king. The rumors were there and people were talking. Sooo….. idk.

And you are absolutely right about Matilda!!! Her situation is entirely different from Rhaenyra’s in pretty much every way:

a) a cousin via aunt is not the same thing as half-brother via same father-king

b) Matilda didn’t have any other siblings whatsoever and was named heir because she had none, Rhaenyra did have three male siblings

c) Matilda didn’t have any illegitimate children

d) Matilda didn’t marry her uncle

e) Matilda didn’t try stealing her husband’s nieces’ inheritance

I can definitely see the inspo but it’s just not the same thing on so many levels

[mrhaitch]

Hello Mr Haitch,

I'm sending this to both you and Haitch, so if you are seeing double that's why. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, an opinion? Maybe just talking to either of you will provide me with solace. Please bare with me as I write this - and you read - as words are not my strong suit.

So, I'm 19 - almost 20 - ( scary stuff ), and I just feel.. well, is there really a word? Alone; regretful; fucking empty. I haven't even lived through a quarter of my life yet, and I already feel as if it's been wasted. I know that there are still so many years with experiences I will remember in my rocking chair, and I don't plan to go down that route by any means. Because I want to live. But, I'm so tired. People need people, but I am not needed by anyone nor do I have anyone to need. I mean, quite literally one of the people whom I care the most for in this world is in my god-damned head. Of course, I have my family but that's different. It always is.

You're not a therapist, so I won't rattle on any more about this and that because it's not fair to burden you with a stranger's issues - this isn't even half of what I want to scream about from the fucking rooftops though. But, I'd like to say: here and now, that I want to change. And, y'know, I saw this quote once - about change ( it's not something I really feel comfortable with ). It went along the lines of: " I want to do this; But, I'm scared; Then do it scared. "

It'd be nice to not be scared of doing it.

I'll make a deal with you, not that you have to agree. I will message again in a month, maybe two, maybe in a year's time - who knows. An update, based upon what I have written and whatever your reply may be. No pressure, eh?

---

And, finally, one last thing: I would like to express my gratitude for both you and Mr Haitch on this platform - your dynamic, companionship ( both seemingly physical and online ); I envy the love you share. Not to just each other, but to us. Strangers through a screen. I never would have found you had it not been for Tumblr, so I appreciate that and you.

Speak to you again soon (I'll be waving at you behind my screen whenever you two post something new ). x 🌻

You have recognised something in yourself and made that commitment - there is no advice you need, either from us or anyone. It's a big step, and you've already taken it.

One thing I will give is a quote I wrote at the top of my journal when I started my PHD, and recite to myself when I'm about to make a big decision or do something I'm worried about:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." - Henry David Thoreau

The essential point is 'living deliberately': make choices. So many of us lapse into holding-patterns or routines that we find ourselves stuck in the weeds with no idea how we got there. Living deliberately means getting somewhere and having at least some notion of why.

Going one step further: love deliberately. I'm with Haitch because I choose her, every day. I look at everything we have, everything we want, and I look at her - then I make my choice. It's why, when I engage with all of you, I try to say only what I mean and can reach inside to the squishier, vulnerable parts of myself.

Thank you for your kind words, and we're here whenever you have something you want to share. Be as bold as you can, live with your chin high, live with your heart open, and learn to remain soft and gentle when the world wants you to have nothing but hard edges.

You've got this.

[coconox]

my 2 cents on the state of whb

i've been contemplating about my thoughts on this game since i never really sat down and processed it, and a month of not playing the game and just keeping up with fandom content/official game news i think i can properly format my words (hopefully idk lol)

if you're looking for a specific section dw i'll properly format everything under the cut so you can just scroll till you find whatever you're looking for (also head's up it's insanely long i'm sorry but kinda not sorry i wanted to just put all my thoughts into one post rather than multiple)

SMALL INTRO

for some context on my experience, i have been playing this game everyday since launch/day 1, i was f2p up until i got juno's card, which i'll talk about later, but just know in advanced that juno was the only case where i've spent money. i uninstalled around the time the announcement was made in regards to no posting full stories of paid content, so almost month ago, and only reinstalled recently to grab certain items to add to the spreadsheet that i've been maintaining since november (aka a month after launch)

i've said it privately to a couple of close friends but i'll say it publicly here: imho, i think they released the game way too early even with the fact that they delayed launch 3 times.

i understand a handleful of bugs are from the fact that the public servers are significantly larger than test servers, but playing this game after the servers kinda stabilized feels like we are the test players, like we're constantly given rough drafts rather than the final copy.

the localization is rough to say the least, but i think i've been so used to it from other gachas that i've played that it didn't really ruin the experience for me,,, except when the text would switch to an entirely different language HJGFDHJGK

from visual bugs to gameplay bugs to voiceline bugs, there's been a lack of communication in terms of what has been fixed and what is still a wip. instead the players just have to "fuck around and find out" in terms of whether something has been fixed or not.

as i continue to state the issues with this game and its direction i'd like to put a disclaimer that i am by no means an expert in any of this stuff lol. i'm just a guy who nerds out over math, spreadsheets, and video games and everything i'll be saying is my personal opinion based on what i've seen/experienced.

THE ISSUE(S)

SOLOMON SEALS AND GACHA

i think the first mistake was them adding solomon seals in the first place. based on what packs in the past looked like, it looked like red keys were originally designed to be for debut characters, but instead they throw a curve ball and add ANOTHER gacha currency that was essentially p2w only up till some point early this year. this ultimately led to there being 2 standard banners, both of which essentially do the same thing except one doesn't have A/B/C-ranks. the fact that now even with realm of seraphim, in order for f2ps to have enough to guarantee with seals, they need to save for a year and a half. that is WAY too long for ONE character. this is of course worst case scenario of needing to hit pity, i'm aware you can get characters early but you should never always expect you'll get early in gacha games, i learned that the hard way during my idk how many years i've been playing gachas lol

i personally think that there's no winning across any of the gacha banners. there's no pity for either of the standards, and debut L/S-ranks have imo too high of a pity for what we're actually receiving per week. we essentially get more or less 1 pull per week in terms of red keys, yellow keys, and seals through dailies/weeklies alone, though of course that can vary cause of the rng key boxes, monthly login rewards, etc.

PANCAKES

there seems to be a general pattern that i've noticed of rather than confronting an issue directly they try to create something new in hoping that fixes the issue instead. an example of that would be the pancake shop.

the old pancake shop was fine as is, we could get a multi for relatively cheap price and get pie boxes everyday (albeit they're rng but pies are pies). what they could've done was add the L-ranks and skip tickets or whatever new thing they wanted to add into that old shop, adjusting the currency wherever necessary. yet instead they just remove the old system entirely and replace it for a new one that no one really asked for? while having the L-ranks in shop are nice, an entirely new system wasn't necessary to make that one relatively small addition. having A+-ranks and lower give gold and books was also not necessary, we have resource stages containing those 2 things and it's very accessible to everyone. what resources we are lacking in however are tears and pies, which are arguably more important than gold and books since those 2 currencies are the core to ascending/lvling characters and their skills.

PIES

i've emailed pb in the past in regards to if there will be other permanent methods for obtaining pies, and their response was holy coin portal and events. those two are NOT stable enough for pie income considering the prices of skills. if there's instances in unholy board where we need to level a character's skills, i'd expect there to be some sort of resource stage that would allow us to get pies so that we can easily obtain that skill level requirement.

"META" GAMEPLAY

i'll explain the quotes in a bit but i do want to put a disclaimer that whb was the first time i've experienced a full on tower defense style gameplay for gachas. i was already familiar with how it works kinda because of neural cloud even though the game as a whole is more like an auto-chess game of sorts, but some story gameplay had tower defense mechanisms and i learned a fair bit from playing that. personally i also haven't played arknights since i'm trying to cut down on the amount of gachas i play but i am aware of its playstyle through friends who like to attempt to drag me into playing it cause of certain characters that i might simp over (*cough flamebringer cough insider cough chongyue cough*)

disclaimer aside, trying to piece together what characters work and what don't genuinely hurts my brain. i put "meta" in quotes because realistically there's only 1: all L-rank light types, ideally at least 1 tank, maybe 1 healer (though a tank can act as both), rest be whatever dps you'd like really (preferably satan considering the fact he can be extremely reliable without his ultimate unlike a few characters). of course, everyone will have a different opinion on what they deem as meta, but that's the general idea i'd personally follow based on what kind of battles have been given to us, what characters are available, etc. the rest tbh are just "cope and seethe" for lack of a better term.

there's a huge type advantage with light and dark types, and i really wish they could buff the other elements more just show they have some spotlight too. i also wish there were more non-light L-ranks. as of making this post, out of the 23 L-rank characters there is currently only 1 non-light L-rank, and it's juno, an L-rank fire marksman.

the part that really "hurts" me the most (don't really know what other word to put here LOL) is the fact that this game is going in a very specific direction of just dps'ing through everything and hope you clear the stage before the enemies kill you.

this game has a huge and imbalanced ratio between dps characters and support characters regardless of element. the fact that we only have 5 healers (NOT including lucifer (victory) considering he's technically a marksman and the healing is from his artifact and not in his skills) and 8 tanks, whereas marksman and close-rangers have twice or thrice the amount is absurd. what pains me more is the fact that for tanks, if you don't have mammon, you're screwed. arguably the best non-mammon option players have that's accessible is bimet. valefor and eligos share the same kit with the fact that their downfall is the possibility that they could be instakilled the second they pop their ult. healers on the other hand are somewhat more lenient. if you don't have lucifer, marbas is your next best, then gamigin (marbas and gamigin can technically be placed interchangeably since their healing differs by 0.1%, it just depends on who you have), then morax, then maybe buer but he only heals 1 unit at a time rather than multiple but i digress. healers still have multiple and very reliable non-L-rank alternatives whilst tanks really only have 1. i really, really hope there's more support units in the future cause man this sucks.

NIGHTMARE PASS

spending $50-$70, on paper, is significantly better than spending ~$400 for a character, and that's really the only "good" thing about it 💀

$50-$70 may feel like nothing to some players, but to a majority, that is a portion of a cost towards food, groceries, rent, etc. basically, i'd assume a majority of people would prioritize surviving than watching pixels on a screen.

i understand at the end of the day pb is running a business, but for kings to be fully locked behind a paywall knowing for a fact that a majority of the player base are 1. casuals/f2ps and 2. are here for the kings is absurd. plus with the fact that typically nightmare pass characters aren't added to standard and aren't always 100% guaranteed to rerun in the future just puts the nail in the coffin for me.

i think it makes more sense for non-kings like juno to be in nightmare pass because it's just additional fun and silly content that arguably won't be tied to the main lore and whatnot, maybe referenced as a silly bit here or there but it'd be more of an easter egg than something important that you absolutely need to know.

personally i bought juno's pass because i love his design, kit, and voice. story was kinda meh for me personally but i really just cared more about the va and gameplay. gameplay-wise, he certainly does not disappoint as a gehenna support unit. but do i regret purchasing him? yes and no. oddly enough this was probably the first i've ever felt guilty in terms of buying something i wanted in a gacha game. yes i regret it in terms of i'm no longer really playing this game anymore, which is unfortunate considering i barely made it through half a year of this game's release. yet at the same time, no i don't regret it because he is a really fun unit. for example, when it's gabriel's rotation in realm of seraphim, juno's, leraye (nostalgia)'s, and leraye's ultimates absolutely DESTROY gabriel in a matter of like <10 or so seconds and it's so satisfying to see. i also just really like his va, scratches a very particular itch in my brain.

anyways before i get sidetracked over appreciating juno, the fundamental flaws of nightmare pass are essentially

you shouldn't need to buy both tiers to get the character. you should realistically need to buy the highest tier and by default it unlocks all previous tiers below it

ui is a bit confusing. i still don't get why f2ps have to unlock parts of nightmare pass that they can't even access/obtain. there should be a clear separation between what f2ps get, what advanced tier gets, and what premium tier gets.

it's too expensive. most bp's i know are ~$10 at the highest tier, though that's considering the fact that bp's i'm familiar with only give cosmetics rather than actual units

from what i've heard through the grapevine, beel (bath) is basically in the same formatting as all the other currently existing bath cards, which are all currently obtainable through gacha. beel has no reason to be in nightmare pass. it genuinely makes no sense as to why pb put him there aside from getting money and that in-turn alienates a majority of the fan base since we can't even view the prologue of card stories if they're a nightmare pass character.

when nightmare pass was first released during christmas, everything was in chaos. the fact that a nightmare pass character needed the other two limited gacha characters gameplay-wise is absurd (mind you, this was before we were given the chance to earn seals through weeklies). everything was too expensive, and rather than an enjoyable christmas event it felt like a "merry christmas, now give us money" kind of situation. i think nightmare pass should not be happening as frequent as it is now. the gap between gabriel and juno was perfectly fine (4 month gap btw), but for a nightmare pass to happen back to back on top of gacha events is too much for both f2ps and p2ws.

the point of buying packs, bp, anything that costs real money in a gacha game is so it makes your gameplay experience easier, paying shouldn't be the main component of your game. personally based on what i've experienced through playing gacha games you should theoretically be able to pull for almost every character on debut just by playing dailies/weeklies/events, yet here we get a bit over a multi per patch (this includes playing realm of seraphim).

DICTATING FANDOM INTERACTIONS

i wholeheartedly believe a fandom is what keeps a game alive. a hindrance to the fan base is a hindrance to the game, which can be seen with the aftermath of pb announcing that legal action will be taken if full stories of paid content are shared publicly. while i understand from a business standpoint that pb would want to enforce the "no sharing full story" thing for paid content since they want players to yk, buy the card, like i mentioned in the previous section, the majority of the player base just cannot afford it.

the people who posted full stories wanted to share to those who cannot afford it, some people may not want only tidbits of the story but rather the whole context, especially those who enjoy dissecting character lore but don't have the irl funds to fully experience it themselves. some people may even want to archive it, cause honestly no one knows how long this game will stay up and we want to archive story so that it's something we can easily look back on. to essentially make players borderline terrified on trying to figure out whether or not it's ok to publicly post stuff in relation to any sort of story content is absurd.

there is also that loophole of what is defined as a paid story. when events end and get put behind a paywall, does that now count as paid story or is that still ok? what about debut L-ranks that are behind seals and there's a 3 month downtime till they're added to standard? or is it just referring to nightmare pass characters? paid stories in the context of the state of the game right now is insanely broad, it's practically at least 50% of this game (i'm exaggerating (or maybe not i wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case)).

i understand no datamining, while it technically speaking isn't illegal, it's disrespectful to the devs, but a lot of these call to action methods they're announcing are rather extreme imo.

with the most recent cards either being put to standard 3 months after their banner ends or flat out paywalled and not 100% guaranteed to have a rerun, story content as of late has been very sparse. what people want most is a main story update, which we were originally promised to be updated every 3 months and it is now month 6 and we still have nothing.

EVENTS AND EVENT STORIES

event stories being locked behind a paywall after the event ends is probably the first time i've ever seen a gacha game do this. most of the gachas i've played either don't archive event story at all and just rerun it every year, don't rerun or archive the event at all (i.e. if you miss it, cope and seethe), or they archive it for FREE. it feels insanely greedy how EVERY event story needs payment if you ever want to backread an old event.

what also concerns me is the fact like instances like gamigin's event or beleth's event carry so much lore for their respective region and that may never show up in main story, which then screws new players over in not knowing the full context behind every region. events like minhyeok's or bimet's are fine in the sense that it doesn't carry that much lore in comparison to the more recent events. the first few events were like silly banter and getting to know a bit more about the cast.

also changing the event shop from daily pies to a set limit per account was an awful choice it just emphasizes my point earlier of how unstable obtaining pies are in this game.

FULFILLING PROMISES

i think while it was a smart move to list what's gonna be implemented throughout the year, they shouldn't have stated deadlines on when they're doing so.

the following are the things that still aren't implemented yet as of making this post:

new daily chats (expected within february)

friends system (expected within march)

birthday system (more specifically celebrating your bday) (expected within april)

new main story chapter (new chapter expected every 3 months)

if pb were to just say "here's what to expect in 2024" and NOT give specific months, that's fine, but giving these specific months sets an expectation that they would complete it within that timeframe. main story for example is probably the one people have been anticipating the most. by now as of july, if we were to follow the expectation pb gave us, we would currently be on chapter 7, or at the very least chapter 7 would've been released some time this month. we have not even gotten chapter 6 yet. chapter 5 was released in january. it has been 6 months since the last main story update. failing to meet these timeframes will make people upset, because it was mentioned in the announcement that it's 1. a promise (i hope i'm not the only one that takes promises seriously) and 2. in bold yellow text, "what we can realistically expect to see in 2024." the only promises that were fulfilled on-time were the ones in january, the rest have been delayed by at least a month. if you're giving a timeline of what's happening, announce if there's any changes to that timeline, because not doing so will make players believe you were lying to them even though you probably aren't and are instead just falling behind schedule.

i think what hurts more to me is the fact that they aren't publicly communicating these delays. it shouldn't be our responsibility to find out why or when something isn't happening within the timeframe they promised (e.g. by emailing them), it should be up to the devs to communicate that publicly to us. i'm not saying they should overshare what's going on behind the scenes, it can simply just be a simple announcement of "hey, we're very sorry but we're having some technical difficulties with this certain feature and we need more time. here is some compensation in the meantime, thank you for your patience and again, we're very sorry." it's that simple.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i mentioned back in my intro that i feel like this game was released too early purely because the fundamentals of making a bare minimum decent gacha game are just not there. if every patch update has people complaining on what's just recently been added/removed, you're not fully listening to what the audience wants. while i understand pb is a small business, a business is still a business regardless of size and criticism/feedback is necessary especially in a game dev setting.

i've followed this game's news ever since it was teased, which was december of 2022, i've lurked/participated in the fandom (on here at least) ever since september of 2023. i've felt a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions of "omg this is so great" to "why is this even a feature," hoping that over time the game would get better, but the only thing that's improved was server stability (and even that's still a bit rocky 💀).

a huge part of my stay was just being a lurker in the fandom. i genuinely appreciate all the creatives who fulfill asked prompts of characters, make ocs, fanart, write theories, reactions + many more. i love seeing other people's works/opinions and having just a lively fandom made it all more fun.

but at this point this game is just not for me. i've really only stuck around to read mammon's lore but since main story hasn't been updated in 6 months i'll really only chime back in when there's finally an update. it still amazes me to this day that my patience lasted this long. i think i've covered everything i wanted to cover but my memory is swiss cheese so if i forgot something,,, woops 💀

as for the future of the spreadsheet for those who check back on it, it's still being managed by myself and windy, who has been a huge help since day 1 of creating the build lists and team comps and i honestly can't thank her enough for also enduring this pain of a game with me as we've worked on this spreadsheet together hgjdfgh (luv u bestie 🫶). though it's written in the narrative that both of us will eventually quit updating it entirely if this game persists on not having any signs of improvement. when that day comes i'll make sure to post an announcement about it.

as for myself i'm probably still gonna lurk in the fandom/keep an eye out on game news. i doubt i'll be making any fanart anymore unless if i really have the motivation/boredom for it, but currently i'm revamping the "aesthetics" of this account so nothing's really set in stone. maybe i'll make a few whb rambles here or there if some game news really irks me but for the most part i've already been in the process of moving on to other things.

if you've stuck around this long to read this mess of a post, thank you for sticking around and have a cookie, you deserve it 🫴🍪