#I never do anymore not physically
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Im about to get controversial.
Out of chrollo, illumi and hisoka, hisoka is canonically the least likely to flirt to get anything he wants, if at all.
A lot of people think he's a natural flirt but I fear I couldn't have disagreed more. He only "flirted" a single time and that was solely to piss off machi, knowing she'd never agree. Hot take? He would've never asked if he knew she'd agree.
Also, bro's the biggest humanphobe in the anime. He keeps his distance from everyone. The only human physical contact he ever made was through fighting people. (If you're a person thats interested in seeing more evidence, I have an entire long thread about it on twitter that I do plan on posting here soon)
so u cannot give me 1 reason for hisoka to flirt with someone at a random bar but chrollo and illumi? i can think of a few.
chrollo, he already canonically flirts to get what he wants. straight up goes on dates gets a suit and shit. he has no reputation among the general public that hes concerned of that isnt the spider. Illumi? He's a manipulator. I HIGHLY doubt he never flirted to get something in his life from people who are too easy to win over. He's someone that wouldn't care what people think of him. He's also anonymous. People have no idea who tf he is anyways. If it affected the zoldyck reputation? Thats a different story.
Hisoka? he would fucking NEVER. Him specifically? HE HAS A REPUTATION. And whats that reputation? That hes an absolute disgusting freak that no one should dare to approach. He kills people. He fights live and makes sure the audience is always disgusted and weirded out by his actions and performances. You look at him and you should immediately look away and pray he hasn't seen you.
So riddle me this. If his entire shtick is making sure everyones afraid of him and avoids him, then why the hell would he get himself a reputation that makes him approachable????
Why would he get himself a reputation that makes you, as a person who only ever heard of him picking people up, want to approach him.
On top of that, I just.. don't see him picking random people up..??? random weaklings that dont even know nen????? he literally treats them like trash that inconveniences his time. You're saying he'd EVER give them the privilege of sleeping with him???
And then you'd say, oh so he'd sleep with strong people! HERES THE THING. Why would he sleep with them..... when he can fight them. Him getting off from fighting comes NOWHERE to actual sex. What people don't understand is that he gets off to killing people and seeing them crumble in front of him when they realize theyre going to die. Torturing people to death. What's... that got to do with like. yknow. actual sex bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭
this turned into a huge rant probably but do you know how genuinely depressing it is seeing a unique character like hisoka that gains lust through FIGHTING and KILLING reduced to. sex addict in fics. Like. be so fucking serious right now. He called himself a FIGHT ADDICT in the manga. Can I see more of him actually spending his time killing and fighting people instead of whatever the hell bros doing with a random npc.
Anyways this is also why I hc him as asexual/demisexual NEXTTTT
#When a fic is so good but they make a hisoka a sex god instead of a murderer. like dear god. Ya Allah. Mercy on me.#can i please get more fics where he absolutely fucking murders people in deranged ways like god (Togashi) intended instead of....#(checks notes) .....sex???#sorry to me this is 1 fanon characterization that i just gag from i cannot physically stomach that shit anymore.#also the way he never touched a single human and is not a touchy person yet the musical made disgustingly touchy with everyone including go#i saw red when i saw that one scene.#thats not fucking hisoka morow thats hekosa pedoro#if togashi wanted him to sleep around he would've so simply and easily made him mention that. Like even leorio said he jacks off.#yet togashi didnt. because HE DOESNT.#HISOKA GET BEHIND ME#anyways asexual hisoka morow canon goodnight everyone#also trans hisoka can we get a little more content of that i know its completely unrelated but pls im starving#i would put the “ill do it myself meme” WHICH I DO I HAVE A DEMI HISOILLU FIC but im so slow at writing fics sobs and throws up#hisoillu#hisoka x illumi#illumi#illumi zoldyck#hisoka#hisoka morow#chrollo#chrollo lucilfer#hxh#hunter x hunter#my post#my analysis
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this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh
i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest
anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~
#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna#it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie#especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you!#and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family*#not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason#and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of)#FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore#thanks tsukutabe. i guess?#this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally!#idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too#and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do#i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now#i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved
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I asked for a trim and my hair dresser gave me a FUCKING PIXIE CUT I'm so genuinley distraught I ended up crying on the train home
Canceling all of my plans next month I can't let anyone I care about see me like this
#IMMEDIATLEY scheduling an appointment to get lashes I cant physically handle looking this boyish its giving me hives#im currently desperatley trying to see if my hair still curls but I dont. think its long enough for it.#it just does this stupid fucking flippy thing that makes it stick out more#I look like a lesbian but not the kind of lesbian I WANT to look like#all of my favorite outfits are ruined they would not look the same with this cut#the vibes would be undeniably different#i cant be a cottagecore princess anymore the best I can now do is cottagecore maid my power has been stripped from me#this is devistating I will never be happy again#for a few months at least#fuck this better grow back fast I actually dont know what Ill do if every time I look in a mirror I look like That#birds rambles
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its too late at night im having too many gay thoughts about these idiots so. here we are i guess.
It's Ian. No one else is going to fucking caress him. For all the informality of the company's content and general atmosphere, with this video concept especially, he's still their boss. And no one is going to want to, or have the guts to just fucking stroke his face like that. Even as he laughs and asks 'What is this?' he knows what's happening, knows who those hands belong to.
Two fingers drag down the right side of his face, and he feels the chalk that's left behind. It's going to stay for the rest of the video, and there's something to be said about that, he thinks. Something symbolic, something romantic, or even something funny, the last thought being slapped into his head when Ian's hand collides with his face.
It doesn't hurt that much, and immediately after he cracks a joke.
"This person thinks they're hilarious."
And they are, he wants to add. They're ridiculously funny, with a dark, somewhat skewed sense of humour to match his own, and they're brilliant and kind and so many other things, but right now they're making it easy for him.
"Who would caress my face and slap me outta nowhere?"
He, and everyone else in the room, and everyone who's going to watch the video, knows.
"Feels like an Ian move to me- Did you just boop me?"
Ian's locking it in, making sure that it's clear that, yeah, in case you couldn't figure it out already, it's me motherfucker.
"That's the only one you truly needed to get right."
Anthony laughs. He's not wrong - It wouldn't matter if he got everyone else dead wrong [even Angela, after hearing her speak and feeling her entire cast]. So long as he got Ian right, then it would be fine. There's probably also something to be said about how sweet that would be, but after having all the fucking braincells knocked out of his skull from the second person, he's not very poetic.
All that matters is that he guessed Ian correctly, and can still feel the two stripes of chalk on his cheek. [All that matters is that now there's a phantom warmth ghosting across his face, a replication of the gentle, almost loving strokes a distraction from the slight sting from everyone else's hands.]
#i actually have no idea if this makes sense and if its coherent. im too tired to reread it so. here we are! 1st rpf w/ fully stolen dialogue#smosh#anthony padilla#ian hecox#ianthony#implied??? idk they implied it p heavily enough themselves w/ that fuckin 'my boyfriend' title so idk anymore lolsies#fanfiction#smosh fanfiction#rpf#very veyr reluctantly#my writing#i can do better i promise [mostly lying almost all my writing is done unedited and at ungodly hours]#sighs. if any of my irls or ppl from my main blog find this its over for me the bullying will never cease.#thanks for listening to my tags ramble ill be going to bed now im too mentally ill to also be physically ill
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question that I could look up but im lazy: do we know (from the comics or otherwise) what charles’ parents occupations were? or their household’s economic status (ie; middle class, working class, etc)? if not, does anyone have any good guesses based on the details we see of charles’ life?
#im obviously also very interested to know what edwin’s family was like since its a complete mystery beyond: probably quite well-off#and canonically emotionally (and physically) distant (steve yockey’s said ‘his mother never touched him with an ungloved hand’ so.)#but charles’ household seems more possible to make inferences on since we see his parents and some looks at their house and so on and so on#from what I can see I imagine his parents are somewhere between middle and working class but I guess it sorta depends on if the school at#that point was private and if so how much it costed to attend. or if it did cost a decent amount to attend maybe charles’ father#paid for it regardless as a way of ‘straightening him out’. it wasn’t a boarding school anymore but it still seemed probably pretty#rigid and catholic#idk. his father looks working class to me and their house seems to mean that way too but what do I know#im an american raised in the 2000s I don’t know shit about england in the late 80s#well at least when it comes to socioeconomic trends and such#rambling#charles rowland#dead boy detectives
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one of gege's hardest pages ohhhhh shibuya gojo you will always be famous.....not a single panel was wasted gege had a point to make and he wasn't playing around. the eye trauma. the pupil covering his face. are you the strongest because you're gojo satoru or are you gojo satoru because you're the strongest. who are you really
#gojo's character writing im crawling onnthe walls im gnawing my fingers off#the last panel godddd look at him he's paralyzed. gojo!!!! the strongest!!! and be can't do a thing in this moment#he never ever hesitated before this. kenjaku knew Exactly where to hit him#when all you are is a weapon and there's nothing left of You anymore. and being forced to confront that reality amid all the carnage#really wish they'd lingered more on this moment in the anime and made it eerie and introspective and haunting#goddd the eye trauma too. esp considering gojo's power is tied to his eyes. who he is—what he is—is tied to his eyes#i know that's just how the prison realm is designed but stilllll#that's why he wears the blindfold right. to keep the sensory information overload at bay#and so this bare bleeding eye feels a physical representation of the six eyes. it's a colossal burden#feels like*#gojo + eye imagery is always sooooooo
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RicNation, as optimistic as I am about #ricbull2024, I really don’t think the filming day in Imola is going to about the second RBR seat…perhaps…maybe…it is about the second VCARB seat…as much as I don’t want to admit it. Why else would they be driving the 2022 AT car?
Anyways, I hope for the sake of Lawson, Perez and Daniel’s careers that the filming day goes smoothly and that they base their final decision on solid data (please please please please please sign Daniel for next year, idc where, any contract will do)
#I have never been more stressed about a decision#and dear god pls let Daniel have a seat next year#i cannot do this anymore#it’s causing me physical distress#daniel ricciardo#f1
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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?
to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.
#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they#already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here#theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never#escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s#physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering…#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong#its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond#their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?
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Im quitting work y'all
#i physically cant do it anymore#im in immense pain everyday im destroying myself#the relief of saying “im going home and never coming back” was damn near instant#personal
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.
Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).
#my art#my ocs#ft the irises#tw suicide#tw ableism#sh e the yello one. can you tell she's thematically yellow?#as i don't care about 'spoilers' anymore because i'm doubtful i'll ever get to finish my writing stuff i'll just dump my writing hangup her#i think she's probably about 18 here (physically)#beware the in the tags plot includes suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope)#Bud's voice specifically is tricky.. as Vera (the ghost) left her body (bud) when she was 10.#And vera took all knowledge (memories and words and thoughts) with her when she left.#and bud had to start mentally from scratch after rising from the dead. thus being interpreted as a 'zombie' sort of monster#Vera hatess Bud as hate of the self/ hate of the physical/ hate of the unintelligent (vera is in the wrong here. but she's complicated)#((lol can you tell why vera named herself that haha))#i want her to prompt characters/people to reininvestigate how they think of 'brainless zombie' tropes in relation to ableism but--#but i am doubtful of my writing ability and should probably change what i have going on to something less risky#originally when i was 12 and i first made them all bud was purely a chaotic antagonist. and i have def moved past that#12 yr old me expressing my suicidal idealization by having Vera absolutely hate her old body#and bud (formerly xqi for askew iris in middle/high school) being the body that was rightfully thrown away#but now that i'm past that all.. i need to make bud a character that can actually take up just as much importance as the other 3 irises#do i have the writing skills to do that? who knows.. Bud isn't even a 'main character' the way vera is. should i still try?#even if i never wind up trying and this conundrum stops me forever.. at least these blorbos can live in my head u_u#might delete the tag rant later if i feel self conscious enough about it :/#shrugs profusely#any suggestions are welcome. join me in untangling this gordion knot if u want ashdfhasdfjldf
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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certain parts of 30 rock have aged terribly but the thing about parks and rec is that the Entire Show has aged in a significantly different but imo more overall damning way
#i watched parks and rec and enjoyed it a ton#i will never do so again though#i just dont think it would be funny anymore its humor is so 2013 normiecore quirky in a way id physically recoil from#judging by the tags of that post the reason 30 rock is getting its ass so kicked by p&r is because not enough people on this site saw it
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i really wish i was just. normal
#getting hard to romanticize the way my life is always crumbling around me el oh el#like a lot of it is out of my control obviously. but i could cope a whole lot better if i wasn’t. like this :)))))#i love how i have never been stable before in my life in any means bc my pleas for help were constantly was ignored and i was pushed past my#breaking point so repeatedly and severely that now i cannot do shit to the point of physical illness 👍👍👍#love how i never even had a fucking chance in the first place 👍👍👍#genuinely wish one of my attempts had just been fucking successful 👍👍👍 i cannot live like this anymore but i see no way out of it 👍👍👍
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is anyone else like a huge fan of various medias, huge fan of characters, loves exploring plots and themes and character development, genuinely very enthusiastic about storytelling in general… but like, somehow physically incapable of making plot lines you care about with your own original characters. or like straight up being unable to create ocs you’re actually invested in???
like, you know what you like, you enjoy so many stories, you spend so much time digging into and delighting in the themes and tropes you like, and yet every time you try to make an original concept yourself it’s just impossible to make something compelling to you???? which makes no damn sense bc it’s literally coming from your own head so wouldn’t it be as self indulgent and perfect for you as possible??????
or is this just a unique me problem bc I swear to god it’s driving me insane
#like I just. cant make stories I like. or I mean I like them a little but I don’t LOVE them. I don’t give enough of a shit to continue them#I feel like I’m getting better now at at least making characters I enjoy#but then any time I try to add a plot or story to them it makes me suddenly not enjoy them anymore????#like I just ruin the appeal for myself somehow???? I don’t fucking know why#like the only successful time I’ve managed to add actual plot and lore and meaningful themes to a character was with dimitri#but that was with a pre-existing setting made by someone else - and a storyline made by someone else#and having that person collaborate with me on almost every aspect of Dimitri’s lore and future plans#and also literally playing out his story in sessions every few weeks#I have never. NEVER. been able to do that successfully by myself#like ever.#not even now that I have Dimitri#I’m just physically incapable of pushing ocs or stories beyond its most basic concept seed#and I truly don’t know why but I feel like it has something to do with me subconsciously avoiding tropes I enjoy??#or like. not avoiding them. but just not using them. or if I try to use them it feels forced or fake#like I feel like I just literally don’t even know what I want to write about. like I don’t know what I would enjoy#and it’s so bizarre and frustrating!!!!
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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