#I need to get back into working on my island again cuz it’s very ugly rn and a lot needs to be done still

[galariangengar]

Got some motivation and energy to work on my bayonetta themed island again on acnh. I decided to change one of the last villagers I need for my island from Klaus (who woulda represented the lumen sage side) to Fang, who is gonna represent Luka. I also got lucky and was able to kick out someone and was able to move in Rodeo, who represents Rodin on the island

[cocogum]

Amalia gives me major pansexual vibes✨💖💛💙

(a rant on why you should think so, too)

Yeah, this is canon I don’t care.

One thing that you need to know about Amalia is that she gives off MAJOR SUS VIBES and I’m so done with waiting for someone to say it first. So here I go.

You can’t tell me that the way she kept staring at her bodyguard in season 1 wasn’t gay. There’s no way. If Armand wanted her then so was Amalia lol.

Eva doesn’t usually make herself look so girlish, she’s always uptight and thinks about work first. But every time she did have her hair down and tried to look her best (whether she did it intentionally or not), Amalia would LITERALLY BLUSH. Like we’re not talking about a pink blush that we barely see to the point where you have to squint your eyes to see it. No, no we’re talking about RED RED.

And I have two scenes you can see in Season 1 to prove it!

Exhibit A : “The Ugly Pageant” (Season 1 episode 4)

This episode started it all!

So if we fast forward to the scene where the group learns that the doors to the castle only opens to cursed princesses, Yugo gets the idea that they should dress to look the part in order to get inside. They get dressed and compliment how weird they all look before Eva comes out of the bushes to reveal herself.

Okay first of all, let me just say how cute it was for Amalia to try and convince Eva to let her help her 💕 she’s such a cute bestie 💕✨

Second of all, DO YOU SEE THAT BLUSH?!? Ruel and Yugo were just as surprised as Amalia but they weren’t blushing!! Only Amalia was!! Like what kind of reaction is that when you see your bodyguard dressing up?? THAT’S NOT A NORMAL REACTION! Also look at how red her blush is, it’s FREAKING PINKISH RED.

LOOK AT IT ‼️‼️

But if you think that the blush in the Ugly Princess episode was only on Amalia’s face because she was wearing some actual blush, then YOU’RE SORELY MISTAKEN.

Because here she is, not even a second earlier. She’s got no makeup blush on!

I find it funny and cute to believe that that scene could’ve very well been Amalia’s awakening. Cuz like imagine not waking up to THIS:

CASE CLOSED: AMALIA WAS ACTUALLY BLUSHING IN THAT SCENE.

And now here’s another scene I want to show you.

Yes there’s more! ✨✨

Exhibit B : “Vampyro” (Season 1 episode 6)

THIS ONE DOESN’T EVEN TRY TO HIDE AMALIA’S FRUITINESS.

Cuz not even two episodes have passed, and we’ve already got ANOTHER SCENE where she blushes YET AGAIN at Eva!!

Gruffon brings the group to Fourfoot, a shady town with a gloomy atmosphere. Gruffon insists that they need to pass through it to go to Oma Island so the group decides to stay and sleep in an inn for the night. But it turns out that the leader of the town was possessed by a level 5 shushu by the name of Ombrage (also known as Shadowfang in the English ver.) and she specifically told him to bring Eva to her so she can possess her and be freed from her prison.

Vampyro manages to get Eva and this causes Amalia to scream at the guy to give her crush bodyguard back.

Fast forward, the group eventually gets to Vampyro’s place, followed by Dally too, and THIS IS WHERE I LOSE MY SHIT-

Cuz as soon as they get inside, Amalia is faced with an unconscious Eva looking like she’s in the process of being possessed.

AND WHAT DOES THIS BITCH DO?!?!? SHE BLUSHES!!!

LIKE EXCUSE ME?????

I get that Eva looks really good in that outfit but you gotta stop!! You’re blushing at the wrong time! 😭😭 Even Dally had some decency to not focus too much on how she looked in that moment 😩😩

AMALIA TOTALLY HAD AN INNOCENT ONE-SIDED CRUSH ON HER IT WAS SO OBVIOUS PLZ-

I can still go on and on and talk about all the other things Amalia went through with Eva (like the time she snapped and let the Tree of Life possess her body when she heard Eva’s screams, or when Amalia held Eva’s hand before showing her THE MOST SACRED PLACE IN THE SADIDA KINGDOM THAT ONLY THE ROYALS CAN HAVE ACCESS TO, etc, etc.) but I believe she was mostly worried for Eva since they were getting an actual friendship between each other.

But it doesn’t change the fact that Amalia blushed at Eva EVERY TIME SHE LOOKED BETTER THAN NORMAL.

I rest my cases.

The answer is obvious at this point.

Also, it’s not like Ankama never portrayed any lgbtq+ characters in the past before.

In the show “The Treasures of Kerubim” (which is all about Kerubim telling his past adventures to young Joris), there are two reoccurring lesbian characters: an osamodas named Simone and an ecaflip named Julie.

Simone is the housemaid of Kerubim’s house (which is a literal shushu lol) so we get to see her often in pretty much all the episodes while Julie, a hairdresser from Astrub, gets to be seen from time to time since she’s Simone’s girlfriend. Keep in mind that this specific show came out in 2013 so not only was Ankama depicting lgbtq+ material but they were also NEVER afraid of showcasing the two girls loving each other and even plainly showing it when they had the chance (for example, there was even A FULL EPISODE THAT HAD ONE OF THEIR DATES IN IT)

So if Ankama can make obvious lesbian pairs without trying to lower it down or trying to exaggerate it back in 2013, who’s to say that they couldn’t make Amalia blush when seeing Eva dressing up BECAUSE she had some kind of crush for her in the beginning?

All I can say is that based on the pieces of evidence that we got, I suspect that Amalia could be bi or pan.

I’m leaning more toward pan though because she was able to love Yugo even though he has his dragon blood problem. (<- this truly made her look like she cared more for his personality rather than how he looked)

Actually, I bet that she would still love the guy even if he was a full-grown woman too 😆😆

(Female!Yugo x Amalia is my guilty ship and I can’t help it, it’s super cute. I think about it so many times while i’m also thinking about Yugo x Amalia 😩😩)

SO YEAH PANSEXUAL AMALIA IS REAL AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE!!!

[the-firebird69]

This is his mom's couch and it was up at Castle and the back was torn off when they got it and the seats were dirty as if Kingsley was left alone and that's what happened and his mom was not there they didn't bother to take the dog as a matter of fact nobody did poor dog was alone and demanded out and he pushed the slider opened and he went to the yard and was stuck there so he went under the fence and kept going in and out for a few days and was tired and hungry finally he tried to turn himself in as her son has had to do at the hospital and we are repulsed by you so therefore his mom was probably around here somewhere and you think they see her walking around and she sounds like Louis then they find out Louis got an accident herself and he says I don't think so cuz her injuries are completely gone and it's true and her body was here the question is where did your brain go and people are going to be disgusted but the cart people out inside someone's lung in the hospital and they're finding that stuff out today it's been happening with these clones who steal stuff. And they murdered a lot of you a lot of you could killed by them. A lot of people of Garth used to say I don't care he's losing to us useless to us now he's not because they're taking a lot of stuff from his Island in this area where they used to take stuff and implicated them and huge amounts of stuff just way more than he could take. And all these people are wise asses and feeling so confident and arrogant are changing there too because people who leave the cities are telling them this is a nightmare that people were just getting zapped and they're taking them out of buildings and the empire is on a rampage after the clones and decided to kill them All and they're going after them very hard and people see why it's because they can find out what they did very quickly. Well others take a while and do stupid things most the time like these two idiots in the apartment near our son three really they're so dumb they're getting shot by the guy and act like they don't care it's deep inside they know about it it's kind of forget sort of you he thinks that they expose him because he's been abusive and they keep coming back and came from one of Terry cheesman's movies and the guy says that's fine he has to pay somehow and he's paying humongous armies are going after his shifts and it's one because of cycle but really because of this they're probably twice as big as they were going to be and he's going to get knocked out he doesn't take off he's going to get buried himself too.

This couch is testimony to how much people should hate these clones his mom was healthy people and was a decent person to a lot of people and they pushed her down and made her ugly later mean and she wasn't at me and she just kept recovering and they got sick of it so our son is fighting for his life and doing well and this is going to be a massive death blow to those idiot clothes Tommy have a shot him or shot at him three times and it bounced off and we don't want to have to go through that again we want this guy gone. He's been shot since but not in the same spot and his clothes say we should shoot him in the same spot and then try and get people to do it and never works my son says let me shoot him I'll get him the right spot. They are laughing I said boy that would push it over the top then he says it doesn't say anything about not shooting him elsewhere.

So the a****** is trying to threaten him is saying screw you and we are going to crush him and the rest of the world is

-right now they are going after the clones and it's everybody and to take them down they are the way of prosperity. They also are in the way of people accessing their ships in the bunkers around it where they say they have factories and don't need stuff and they haven't seen trying to blow things up quite a bit and a sudden and daughter saved by removing this network and give them less reason to be topside. That's true too is only a few things that they have top side that require a lot of people and that's one of them the other rating parties it's going to be good because of separating the two these guys are quimpy and acted and try not to be discovered and they're dying rapidly and their hospital people and they got him into the hospital a few times sex 3 out of five or something a little over half the other was you guys cuz you're so smart so we're going after both more luck

Thor Freya

Olympus

We can't stand you either

Hera Zeus

[buttmuncher91]

a lot of advanceshippers love to say such bs about Drew even to this day. Drew is not my favorite character & it’s fine to prefer advanceshipping over contestshipping and I kinda like advanceshipping , but some of the things they say are ridiculous! This is not bashing on all advanceshippers or advanceshipping in general, this is just some quotes (not exact) I’ve seen that I’ve had problems with.

”Drew is a jerk! Ash would treat her right!“

Both would treat her just fine! Drew watches out for her & tells her when Harley is tricking her, saved her friends & brother when she was busy, saves her friends, cheers her up when she’s down, & they both calmly talk to each other when alone.

Besides, there are some things to point Ash being a jerk to her too! Ash yelled at her because he was butthurt he had no boat to get his next gym badge & skips out on watching some of her contest when May even watches him battle regular trainers.

And it’s not like May is an innocent angel herself. She yelled at Ash & Drew for no reason, had her torchic attack Ash, & forced Ash to agree to let her travel with him by bringing up her bike.

I know May & Ash have developed a lot sense than, but so has Drew & y’all are just stuck viewing him how he reacted at the beginning.

”May hates Drew & loves ash!“

She doesnt hate Drew. At the very worst, she sees him as a friend & has seen him that way by “Who, What, When, Where, Wynut.” Like I said we seen them talk a lot when they run into each other & heck, she even ditched the group, including Ash as he was talking to her, to talk to Drew when she saw Drew. So tell me again how she loves Ash way more than Drew lol!

And in ”Spontaneous Combustion“ May blushes at Drew after he waved and walked off. May never blushed around Ash, even when some weird couple accused her of being Ash’s lover. And there was nothing in that scene that indicates her getting red met something else. She wasn’t sick, doesn’t look mad, didn’t do anything embarrassing, etc... so it looks as if she really likes Drew.

”Drew is a flirts with any girl & would cheat on May, but Ash would never cheat on her!”

You people have nothing to back this up. Drew had fangirls gushing all over him? May being Norman‘s daughter and probably because she’s referred to as hoenn princess, has a lot of fanboys! In fact, Ash is more likely to cheat on May then Drew dispite him being oblivious, as Drew showed 0 interest in his fangirls & ran from them. If he was such a flirt, he wouldn’t run from fan girls, but would try & you know, FLIRT with them. Drew also showed 0 interest for other girls, & only teases May. You advanceshipper fanbrats (not saying all advanceshippers are fanbrats just the advanceshippers who think this) only pretend he is to make up reasons for May to reject Drew.

”He only likes May for her rack, & wouldn’t care for her if it was flat!“

Talk about reaching. Drew only stares at her FACE! He never stared at them, & the anime gave her chest 0 focus. He isn’t just some creeper. Despite not being interested in her, he treated Breanna nicely & she was flat. He may just have puppy love/a crush on her, but saying he’s just trying to win her because of her rack is complete bs!

”Think about it, Drew & May would make ugly babies!”

Based on what? Cuz Drew has green hair? As someone whose least favorite color is green (okay, okay dark/forest green is pretty), I think this is a stupid claim. Even with a weird hair color, there’s a chance the child could be cute, & really beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hair color is NOT even close to a huge factor to what separates not ugly to ugly. And they don’t have to make babies if they do get together. They can just choose to adopt to help out those who need a home or just happily be with each other with no children at all.

”Drew is in less episodes with May than Ash, so advanceshipping is better & will be canon!”

🤦‍♀️Misty has the most screen time with ash. By this cruddy ”logic,” Misty & ash (so far) are canon. Yes, misty has much more screen time with ash than May. Misty had all of Kanto, Orange Islands, AND Jhoto with ash... as well as a cameo with ash in Hoenn, and TWO separate cameos in Alola. And at this point, May could have spent more time with Drew. It’s been 4 regions that Ash hasn’t even thought of 1 of her Pokémon after all this time. I’m no pokeshipper, but let’s be real here.

And most of the time Ash & May are on screen, it’s them focusing on their goals/Pokémon. They cheer & encourage each other too, but it’s mostly friendship stuff. Could something happen later on between them to spark love? Sure. But nothing in the anime ever pointed to that. And you can literally say that with Ash and... ANYONE! Like Ash could grow up, met back up with Roxie & they could fall for each other.

When Drew appears on screen, you mostly see hard evidence for contestshipping, weather on Drew’s side, May’s side, or both. Yes, there’s evidence on BOTH sides that they like each other. At best, advanceshipping looks one-sided on May’s side. And even then, it mostly looked that way in the beginning of AG. There’s way more evidence that May likes Drew & vice vesa than with ash & May, even with “less contestshipping hints!“ A lot of hints for shippings are overblown. Not just advanceshipping hints, but poke/pearl/negai(actually never mind, negai is under looked & over hated)/amour/etc... are over blown & it’s just ash being his usual nice/childish self. With Drew, it’s obvious he likes her as how he constantly stares at her, teases her, gives her red roses (& says they’re for beutifly), etc... While I think I covered how May likes Drew enough already. And yes, this could just be a kiddy crush for the both of them, but in the end there’s still harder evidence that Drew & May like each other.

Plus there are a lot of canon fictIonal couples who had less screen time with each other than other characters. Naruhina, ichihime, Hinny, gochi, etc...

“Drew never saves May’s life, unlike Ash!”

So? May never even tried to saved Ash, like she did with Drew!

Ash has also saved: Angie (who has a more confirmed crush on ash), Dawn, Pikachu (3x I can think of), Chinchar, Lillie (or at least attempts to help a lot of times), Celiebi, Erika’s Gloom, Serena, Misty’s sisters Pokémon, a ton of CotDs & their Pokémon...

And what of those who saved Ash? Misty, Sabrina’s... family photographer, Gary, Iris, Clemont’s father, Zeroara dude, a ton of officer jennys, Pikachu, a lapras, Paul, Drew (ya keep on hating him if it werent for him Ash Brock and Max would probably be dead in that crate Jessie, James & Meowth trapped them in so not even advanceshipping could happen).

“Rivals can’t be dating!”

Where did you get this bs? Even in the pokeani IN THE AG SERIES this has been proven false. Watch Pasificlog Jam again. Who put you in charge of how couples should work anyways? If a writer wants to have rivals hookup in their story, than they have that freedom to have the rivals hookup regardless how upset you get over it.

“Ash & May kissed in a banned episode, so advanceshipping is canon not contestshipping!”

Come on guys, they’re 10. The anime creators aren’t gonna have two 10 yr olds kiss on the lips. Its really creepy some person came up with this. No, it’s not creepy cuz I don’t like advaceshipping (I actually like some aspects of it). Again, it’s creepy because they’re 10. If they were like 13+ yrs old, it‘d be okay, but NOT 10. Plus, even Japan is very sensitive when having kissing on the lips happen with kid shows. Even with adults, they censor it/show something else as the kiss happens & just imply it happened. Expecally how they view kissing on the lips in the first place, they ain’t having 2 ten year olds kiss.

And there would be NOTHING to imply that they where going to kiss. Around this time this episode that they kissed claimed to happen (episode 357), Ash & co. where heading to fortree. Nothing ever was implied from the both of them even want to kiss each other. They just where supportive friends of each other with no hinting there where secret feelings or developing feelings from ether of them. Theres also nothing beyond that episode that implied the kiss happened. Because if it did actually happen, I’m sure something like that would impact the next few episodes, but nope no mention of any kiss nor do ash & May act any differently around each other in 358 and beyond. So even if it did happen, it was going to more than likely sink the ship, like it was some akaward thing they did because they were “under the mistletoe“ & afterwards just agreed to be friends & forget about it. The pokemon anime was always about friendship, adventure, and Pokemon themselves, never romance.

Also episode 357 is “Take This House and Shuppet!” not “A Kiss Under the Mistletoe!“ The Japanese episode is the same as the English barring names & episode number.

Were do you get such a sorce for this info? “my friend’s japanese friend who talked to the director of the AG anime & saw it!” or some other ridiculous unreliable garbage like that? Give me actual sources with interviews from the writers talking about this supposed banned episode. Bet you can’t, unless it’s fake & unreliable. If it existed, it would have floated up by someone from Japan. After All, even if for 20 mins that episode should’ve existed if it was just banned. Like “Electric Soldier Porygon” was banned completely & only aired one time in Japan. However, there are places that you can watch the episode despite it being completely banned due to putting a lot of children in the hospital from seizures. That was older than the supposed advanceshipping kiss episode as ’Electric Soldier Porygon’ is a Original Series episode in Kanto the 38th episode. No one can find this supposed advanceshipping episode nor is it even listed in the banned episode list. It should be harder to find this older banned episode than it should be to find this supposed banned kiss episode.

“Why should May choose Drew over Ash? Ash is like a literal god!”

What? Yes, he’s befriended every legendary & come back though poketears, save the world so many times, has arua abilities (he rarely uses), & whatever else, but it’s not like he seems that BA or whatever. Ash not aging seems over focused on, when in reality NO ONE is aging. It took him 7 regions to win 1 league (a questionable one at that), can’t remember Pokémon he seen before & sometimes forgets what he learned, & needs saved by others sometimes. Some god, can’t even rescue himself. Besides, who knows what Drew has done on his adventures. Drew has also saved Ash, Brock, & Max from trouble, isn’t Drew awesome saving someone ”like a god!”? Drew also has beat him in a battle as well, is that y’all’s problem?

And where is Ash’s voice in all this? It’s like this in all this anti-Drew bs. “Drew is just this terrible creature who possesses all 7 deadly sins & is the creation of Giratina & thus May hates & so does everyone else! However... blessed by Arceus himself, we all just know not dense Ash Ketchem is waiting to sweep May off her feet & save her from the demonic spawn that is Drew who is lusting after her bewbs😡” (<-original ideas, do not steal jkjk). Like there’s NOTHING to indicate ash wants her. And do you think this of May as well? Like do y‘all think May is just this perfect, sweetest, most divine woman in the pokeani that only Ash “blessed by Arceus“ is the only guy that should be blessed by such an angel? 🤣

Look, I like Ash & I like May. But even with my favorite characters I wouldn’t go as far as to think so highly of them that it makes Helga’s obsession with Arnold look like nothing. And just because Ash is more amazing with more feets & whatever, doesn’t mean May has to love ash or that Ash has to choose may because Drew doesn’t measure up to him.🤷‍♀️ Just think about it, should Timmy’s mom go with Dinkleburg? After all, he is smarter than Timmy’s dad, has more money & is more successful than he is. And Wandesemo is more popular, not stupid, & mostly competent unlike Casmo. Should Wanda dump Casmo for him? Of course i understand wanting the best person to end with you’re favorite character. But that’s not how love works & in the long run isn’t fair to both Ash & May (& Drew, but I know you haters don’t care about that).

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Twenty-Five: A Great Discovery ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina, vulgarity ] [ Verse: Oil and Blood ] [ AO3 Link ]

Ah, the world of body modification. For years now, humans have blurred the line between man and machine, integrating their technology into their very beings. Whether it’s cosmetic mods to alter a person’s appearance, functionality mods like medical equipment, or convenience mods to enhance a person’s everyday life, there are few humans alive today who don’t have some kind of relationship with mods.

It was a great discovery, the ability to merge technology and biology.

But like every great discovery...it has its misuse.

All over the globe, black markets have sprung up for tech. Stolen mods are a hot commodity. People are often beaten or killed to pry the mods from their bodies to be resold and earn the killer a quick dollar. Even the tech itself is often mutilated: torn apart and put back together in ways to circumvent regulations and allow someone with enough cash to wield mods with illegal abilities. Military mods run rampant in gang wars and territorial disputes, as well as fighting over modification stock.

One such gang are those who run under the Uchiha banner. A crime syndicate in Japan that runs tech all over the island nation, and even internationally when they can. Mods aren’t their only business, of course - extortion, kidnapping, gambling, prostitution, and smuggling of anything else Japan considers ‘undesireable’.

Overall...not very morally-upstanding characters. But in the end, they’re suppliers. The world has needs, and they want to be the best at providing. Because that...is the key to making big money.

But of course, being affiliated with a yakuza - being someone the law considers a target for elimination - means having to keep a step ahead of said law...and avoiding many conveniences the typical law-abiding person doesn’t have to think twice about.

...unless you pay off the cops.

The Uchiha are one of the largest Yakuza Japan has to offer, alongside those like the Senju. Like any gang, they have territory - safe zones, so long as they in turn keep paying the right people, just like the ones they extort and earn from.

So when Sasuke decides to keep up his protections for one Hyūga Hinata, he’s glad she happens to fall within said territory. While he can’t completely let down his guard, and it’s still wise to keep his face hidden with a hood, he’s not in nearly as much danger as he would be otherwise walking about in broad daylight.

“...so...you’re still determined to do this?”

“I thought I made that pretty clear,” Sasuke replies, giving the little Hyūga a glance. He keeps forgetting how short she is… “You saved my life. And my attempt to repay you got interrupted by you getting kidnapped by the people who tried to kill me. Who are now going to likely keep fucking with you because they think you’re an Uchiha asset. I’m not out of debt with you yet. So yeah, you’re stuck with me, Hyūga. Or...you could give me something else to do. Up to you, really.”

Hinata heaves a sigh. “I really don’t w-want you to do this -”

“But you need me to. Look...your apartment and work happen to be in Uchiha territory. But that’s not a guarantee that you'll be safe. My father made up his mind: you’re not an asset, so he’s not going to spare anyone else to look after you. So if the Senju get ballsy enough, they wouldn’t have as many obstacles to come knocking. And given they know who you are, it’s a given they’ll know where you live, where you work...anything they want. So, you can keep complaining about having a bodyguard...but I’m probably the only thing keeping you from being scooped up by Tobirama again. And I don’t want that to happen, because I owe you. And letting you die isn’t exactly the way I like to settle my debts.”

She sighs, giving him a glance. “...I didn’t know y-yakuza were so...honorable.”

“We’re a business, in a lot of ways. If you don’t repay your debts, that’s bad form. We do shitty things. We kill people. We smuggle weapons. We steal. But we still know better than to betray someone who’s helped us...unless they betray us first. And I highly doubt you’re about to do that. So yeah, I’m here to help.” He gives her a look in return. “Or you could let me take care of your dad and his bullshit like I keep offering.”

That just earns another sigh, Hinata clearly fighting a weary smile. “Look...I appreciate your concern about how my f-father treats me. And maybe a part of you cares about how t-terrible his business is, morally. But I can’t put out a hit on my father -”

“Hey, I never said I’d kill him. I can be persuasive without it getting that ugly. Just get you your inheritance back. Make it so you don’t have to keep working in that shitty insurance office. Think about it.”

“I have,” she assures him dryly. “I can’t really help but do so given how o-often you bring it up. I don’t want or n-need that money. I...I’m doing okay. And that money comes from a rather shady practice -”

“Like the money you earn now isn’t shady as hell?”

She shoots him a look. “...my father’s company does a lot of good. It does it badly, but medical mods are still important. While I might not oppose a...change in leadership, or whatever, I don’t want the company to go under. They’ve made so many great discoveries in the medical mod field.”

“From what you told me, sounds to me like your cousin needs to be running the show. You and him might’ve had it rough when you were young, but he’s just as big a brain as your dad, if not better given what he accomplished. I bet he could do it,” Sasuke muses.

“...you’re probably right. But after my uncle died, and all the stock went to my father...he’s no longer an heir. My sister is still above him in line to inherit the company.”

“And what does she know about mods?”

“Not much...but she is shrewd. I just worry that our father has molded her into another copy of himself and his practices while I’ve been gone. Hanabi is a good person...but she’s always been our father’s favorite...and I worry what she might convince herself to do to k-keep his approval.”

Sasuke hums in reply. “...never thought I’d know someone with this kind of drama hanging over them.”

That makes her deadpan. “You’re just h-hearing about it...try living it.”

“No thanks. Being a syndicate leader’s son is bad enough. I’ll stick to what I know.”

After a pause, Hinata looks to him curiously. “...you don’t ever think about...doing something else?”

“Not sure I have any choice. Once you’re yakuza...there’s no really leaving it. And I don’t know anything else. Not sure I could ever do anything civilian. It’s just...not my style.”

“...I guess I understand.”

“Why’d you ask?”

“Oh, I don’t know...I guess I just know now how d-dangerous it all is. I’d hate for you to get hurt.”

He looks her over for a moment, expression unreadable. “...I’ve been hurt before. And I will be again. It’s just how things go. I made peace with it a long time ago. You don’t have to worry about me, Hyūga. Besides, you’ve already seen me half-dead.”

“That d-doesn’t mean I want to see it again!”

In spite of himself, Sasuke snickers. “You’re such a civi...it’s almost cute. The only women I’m really used to dealing with at all much are my mother and the doc...and neither of them are like you. It’s kinda...refreshing.”

Hinata’s cheeks puff a bit with a pout. “Do you want me to be like them?”

“Nah...you’re good the way you are, Hyūga. I love my mom, and the doc’s all right. But you’ve got your own charm. You’re a civi, and you should stay that way. Though I guess you’ve gotten a taste or two of yakuza life, haven’t you?”

“...guess I have…”

“...well, it won’t be happening again if I have anything to say about it. Remember, you’ve got priority on my comm mod. Anything happens, you just let me know, and I’ll be there.”

“...thank you, Sasuke-san. I know I g-give you a hard time, but...I really do appreciate what you’re doing for me. I just wish it wasn’t n-necessary.”

“Well...once we finish off the Senju - whenever that’ll be - then you won’t have to worry, right? Just hold tight until then.” Letting his HUD come to life, he glances to the time. “...well, I better report home for a bit to see if I’m needed for any jobs. Try to stay home and safe until then, all right?”

“Okay…”

“Don’t take any unnecessary risks.”

“I won’t…”

After a considering pause, he ruffles her hair, earning a sound of indignation. “Later, Hyūga.”

Doing her best to flatten her hair, Hinata watches him go. It’s so...odd. Just...talking to someone like him. Being aware of what he and people like him do. And yet...she enjoys his company. She…

...well, for now, she’d best huddle up at home until he gets back. Hinata’s always been a bit of a turtle, anyway...it’s not like she has many friends, or family to visit.

So for now...time to binge watch a show and get some takeout.

                                                         .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 250, 254, 269, 300, 303, 309, and 313!)       More cyberpunk AU cuz...I really like it =w= And it fit best with the prompt after struggling to think, lol - not much really...happened? But we got more interaction between them, and some commentary about their roles in their society.      I'd say more, but I am WIPED and the next few days are going to be VERY busy, so...I'd best call it a night. Thanks for reading~

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 31: Joey’s Dead (Again)

Ah, it is 5 billion degrees and working has been pretty much impossible, so, lets turn on Netflix and...

Thanks, Netflix.

Anyways, time to go see Joey get destroyed by a bird. On screen. This traumatic as hell kid’s show.

Now, usually this kid’s show is very...kid’s show in quality. The animation has exactly what it needs for most children and teens to feel satisfied--and that’s absolutely fine. You don’t have to make everything look like My Hero Academia, youknow? They were not looking for an award.

But this episode, the one where Joey freakin dies, they decided to bring out their A team. This is the best looking episode of Yugioh that I’ve seen so far, and it was freakin shocking how much better the quality was. Like, I dunno what weird blood sacrifice they did to make this episode looks so freakin good, but kudos to them, everything is more fluid, the shots are composed in a really interesting way, and for once, they actually spend the time to let these characters...react to stuff.

The big twist in Yugioh, at least for me, is when it randomly decides to be quality. It doesn’t happen all (most of) the time, but occasionally, Yugioh will just take a quality swing at me and it’s like “the hell was THAT?” Not that this episode is the best animated episode of anything ever made, it still doesn’t hold a candle to shows that are made in order to be beautiful--but for Yugioh, who’s purpose was never to be pretty (point of fact, Bakura’s hair) and who’s main purpose is to sell freakin playing cards...this is a damn pretty episode. 

They just loved Joey that much I guess.

Anyway, onward for what is also the most melodramatic episode of Yugioh I’ve seen. This episode is kind of a gem. I cannot believe I just watched an episode on this show about cards where 3/4 of it was just so many boys full on ugly sobbing into their friend���s comatose body.

(read more under the cut)

Serenity, this small dot in the next cap here, has only made it to.....this part of the island. She has to now run up like 2 miles of tower. Just remember this fact for later.

Yo so...this is a stupid adult question but like who is paying for the healthcare on all these kids in this tourney? Is it just Kaiba? Is Kaiba footing the bill? I mean, it’s a kid’s show so we’ll pretend that hospitals are free (and in Japan it’s like Universal but kinda inbetween, so I’ve heard, so this would be less of a deal) but as an adult American every time they’re in a hospital scene I’m just imagining how crazy that GoFundMe campaign page would look like.

But, as Serenity starts climbing up this monalith, on the roof of said tower, Joey is at max anime. For the first time ever, his hair is drawn as like separate hairs and not as just some weird backwards anteater tail he wears on his head. And youknow what? Joey has a hellton of hair. Your hair has to be realllly long and full to do an anteater and I don’t give him enough credit.

And so after all that, Joey’s like...still up.

(I mean this is as far as I know, I don’t have Jump Force)

Remember how Yugi stood in front of one single fireball so that Joey wouldn’t take one for Mai? Now that we’ve seen how Joey was still standing after bird fire tornado--he...probably would’ve been fine with the fireball. Just conjecture, but I feel like Joey, despite not having any connection to a millennium item, is some sort of escaped X-men.

And then, like everyone on this show is wont to do, he just randomly hallucinates Yugi. What’s great about this episode is that Joey will hallucinate Yugi not once, but twice. (which will come later)

Also, this “Oh yeaaaaaahhhhh” was a super fluid animation that I might just lift because it was so freakin wild. Like it was kind of terrifying how fluid it was. In anime they tend to freelance out different clips to different animators, so they aren’t really all working in the same studio (which is why often anime will have reallllly nice animation in some parts, and then less in others, while in US studios where everyone works on everything, there’s less of that) But whoever got the Joey saying “Oh yeaaaaaaahhhh” scene must’ve been like “this is it, this is my big break” and spent like half a day making it as fluid as they could compared to everything else going on.

They also had enough time for Yugi to partially disrobe for some reason. I guess it looked cool.

Please contrast the twinkly lights and the shimmer sound effect with what follows it:

It’s at this point that Seto Kaiba actually starts to doubt this whole tourney, but not for the reason a normal person would doubt a tourney that has had several apocalypses and mass-murderers involved in it.

Kaiba was Extremely Upset about this revelation.

Anyway, Since Joey is still standing, he pulls a card, realizes it can kill Marik, slaps it on the duel disk, the monster shows up on the field, and--Kaiba either has the fastest elevator in the world, or Serenity runs a 3 minute mile because, guess who made it to the top of this tower of Babel?

That’s right, supportive Sister, here to walk Joey through the hard arduous task of basically pressing “enter” on your keyboard.

RIP again, Joey, RIP again. I mean it’s hard to get too wrapped up in it because I know he already died...this morning...like two hours ago. Like basically he got turned into stone for a bit, and then after coming back to life, took a nap on the blimpjet and then arrived at this island to die yet again. Joey Wheeler has just had such a very intense couple of days and desperately needs a nap.

But, game wise, Joey played a monster, it was on the field--what else would he have done with it???

But because he didn’t say a word loud enough for other people to hear, this didn’t count???

This game is so weird about what rules it decides are binding and which are loosey goosey. There’s absolutely no time limit, you can strap the other person to a weird wall device and throw fireballs at their face, you can sap their life energy with weird fiber optic cables, but if you don’t say the word “Attack” although the monster card is in Attack position--it doesn’t count? There’s nothing else on the field to hit but Marik himself. There’s literally nothing else Joey would have done with that card. He totally won this match but whatever, it’s Yugioh.

And lets give it up for the one and only adult in the room, everybody. Good Job, Roland. Good freakin job.

I get that he’s a butler/pilot/card referee/bodyguard, but who else is freakin there to parent any of these teens? Ishizu? Is that all we have left?

Sorry, I’ve thought more about Roland and his mysterious dodgy character than the people who made this show.

Anyway, it’s at this point that Mokuba decided to climb stuff.

Again, this episode has so many weird animation details that say a lot about the characters--and I’m just not used to this much love and care.

So another wild thing about this episode--I didn’t realize that Joey was even Shadow Realmed when I watched it through. This episode is super vague when it comes to Joey. Everyone is mourning as if he had died, and so for me, the first time watcher (as well as my Bro who saw it once when he was 13), I just assumed this is because they finally got a completely different but very good animation team on this episode. I just figured this was someone high up saying “maybe you should have the characters realistically react to at least a single death on this show where 183 people have died”

But, turns out this is actually a translation error. Because, in the Japanese version, Joey just freakin stopped breathing or something? In the English version that we’re watching, Joey is just in a coma, and it’s a rather pleasant coma (yet still my definition of a death). But, the reason everyone is reacting like...how they should have reacted the previous 182 times, is because Joey was actually legally dead.

Something they censored out to keep the show mystifyingly Y-7 although...I think I’ve said this a million times, but don’t give this show to your 7 year old. Going off of what my Nephews and Nieces like, Yugioh is a pretty far cry from PJ Masks and Monster High.

Anyway, the show goes totally all out, and everyone does a 150% more than what is ever necessary grief cry, and I think the best cry goes to Tristan although Yugi attempted really hard to steal the gold. Thing about Yugi’s grieving is that he was going more for quantity over quality, but they did a really brutal close zoom on Tristan going through the stages of Grief (mostly anger) and it was like...unexpected for a Yugioh episode y’all. I’ve never seen Tristan go that hard...ever. Tristan is usually kind of tertiary but he just came out of nowhere to scream directly at my face and I was not expecting it.

And this episode does something that I like, although it was kind of unusual for Pharaoh and Yugi--and it shows us how they react in a completely opposite way to the same traumatic event. They’ll both get around to crying but Pharaoh will take his time.

Also, we’ve seen indication of Pharaoh’s inward grief before - and it’s something they usually say but don’t show - but this is the first time they’ve actually showed that Pharaoh tends to bottle everything deep, deep down. He’s got maybe a lot of feelings about being a ghost who doesn’t have a body or a history or...anything, and him bottling up Yugi (since Yugi isn’t going to come out for the rest of this episode) is sort of a proof that he’s used to bottling everything.

Cuz outwardly, he’s just like this (and kudos to the art team for leaving a spot where Yugi’s spirit is currently crying over the corpse/coma victim)

And then meanwhile, Kaiba just has no idea what planet he’s even on. Remember that in the Japanese version, Joey freakin died in Seto’s own tournament. This would be a PR disaster, but does Kaiba...know?

(Yes, I keep a draft file that is just every single death so I can keep track of them, and this is the 4th time that Joey has died)

Then this doctor shows up, which is surprising, because I figured Marik knocked this guy out and stuffed him in a broom closet last season. But nah, it’s the same doctor, he’s back. This poor doctor who keeps having to tend Shadow Realm patients while every single person on this blimp is in the same little hospital room with him, just breathing down his neck.

Speaking of, if this doctor has been here this entire time, then why did Serenity just stay directly by Mai’s side?

They have a doctor.

Anyway, originally I thought I’d make this two parts but like...nah, we’ll just have a really long post.

Lets see how Joey’s Shadow Realm is (which, again, it is super unclear if he is or isn’t, and from when I polled you guys it looked like it was sort of like a “don’t think about it” situation of whether this is a dream of Joey’s, or the Shadow Verse)

I’ve made the joke before that you can tell it’s a dream when they’re at school but...we’re back at school. It’s the only time we see Joey in his school uniform.

Thirsty preteens rejoice, they finally removed Joey from his baggy pajama shirt that he’s been stuck in for 2 seasons. Like, do you think when Kaiba was looking at public schools, he saw that this school had not only crazy card people, but also freakin nuts shoulder pads and he just slammed that “enroll” button?

So...does Yugi KNOW that everyone else dreams about him on a regular basis? Like, does he KNOW? I figure Yugi just has sort of a weird tick related to the puzzle that makes it so people are seeing him, but Yugi has no idea that he’s got an inception method ability, right? 

And especially since this is kind of a magic-onset dream, and Yugi really wants to save Joey, it sort of almost looks like Yugi is doing this maybe latently through the puzzle? But...probably not. I don’t really know what’s happening here, other than Joey’s just gonna go peace out and play this confusing card game for eternity.

That would be my Shadow Realm.

Back at our homeslice, Blimpjet, Seto has sent his little brother to deliver all of the bad news for him, knowing that Mokuba is too cute for anyone to do anything about it.

And so Mokuba decides to radio a helicopter to save him because he’s a Kaiba and doesn’t realize that planes/boats exist. Good to see that Mokuba has finally decided to embrace his job as Battle City Commissioner and figure out a solution to transporting/hiding all these bodies.

Honestly, I’m just shook that this blimpjet is not a blimpjetboat.

Bro told me that in the Japanese version, Tristan just straight up punches Joey right near this scene, and like...that’s probably true. Bro has a lot of spicy headcanons but I can see this show doing that. (bro note: that might have been an earlier Joey coma).

Knowing that, it makes this kind of more funny because Yugi is so absorbed in The Crying that I guess he didn’t notice that whole thing go down with Tristan.

I guess they wanted a throwback to S1, but this episode is so extra that Yugi very nearly stops playing cards. Nearly. He’s still gonna play cards, but I guess as a symbol to show that he’s starting to give into just not playing this game anymore, Pharaoh actually takes this weird contraption off his arm.

To do so he has to like remove the battery or something. I didn't even realize what he was doing because it was so un-intuitive, but you have to pull out this 4 inch battery from the back in order to remove the disk.

Can you imagine!???? Can you imagine wearing this thing in real life and shoving a 4 inch 2 lb battery in and out of this hulking thing every time you had to use the toilet?

Which...I guess they haven’t been, right? Like I shouldn’t go down that avenue but like...they haven’t been, right? There are just so many germs on this disk.

And so Pharaoh decides it’s finally time to lose it, maybe because Yugi wants to give up cards, or maybe because there’s no one else around so it’s finally fine for him to shed a masculine tear or two, but it took him I want to say like 20 more minutes than Yugi to finally react to all this.

And then this happens?

Anyway, remember Ishizu’s Millennium Necklace (not to be confused with the Millennium Puzzle with is also a Necklace, which Yugi also has, but he only wears one, because he just doesn’t feel like wearing 2 chokers at once, I guess)

Apparently the reason that Yugi was given the necklace was to get this one vision of the future. Get ready for it, the entire fate of the world rested on Pharaoh getting this one vision.

Yes, the answer was indeed, cards.

On the other end of the blimpjet, Mokuba I guess got tired of Roland’s poor radio skills and has decided to use the radio himself while Roland kind of just stands there and waves his arms around.

Straight up, does Mokuba have a Ham license? Are the Kaiba’s Hams? So like, Bro and I made Ham radio parts as a part time out of college and while I don’t have a license, it just really intrigues me that these boys do and I really wonder if they ever check into the emergency net and do Ham contesting when they aren’t throwing cards around. Ham people are like...really into their rigs so if you had Kaiba money, your rig would reach the curvature of the Earth.

Also, I kinda just assumed that they’re still in Japan, since Japan has a lot of islands connected to it, and the Kaiba Island does look man-made, but...is it not? Why place this factory in the middle of nowhere if you aren’t actually building a merc-for-hire program like Metal Gear? Like I know we just talked about how Gozobura Kaiba was basically Big Boss, but like...was this island made by Master Miller? Why is it in the middle of the ocean???

Big Boss had a reason to build in the sea, because he didn’t actually align with a country, so he had to be in international waters, but Gozobura Kaiba’s company is Japanese, so why go through all the trouble of--whatever I shouldn’t think about it.

So yeah, they’re too far away to radio to Japan although...that doesn’t make sense to me since why would you build a manufacturing plant so far away from your biggest buyer? But plot. Plot reasons, it had to happen this way.

And then this scene happened and it was...SO MUCH.

THIS WAS SO MUCH.

THIS SCENE WAS JUST SO FREAKIN AWKWARD.

Like it may not come through with the caps but this scene was made up to be extremely serious. The music was swelling, Pharaoh was pausing by Joey’s bedside as if to give a speech. The writers were expecting tears to come out of my face when Pharaoh did..........this

Wʜᴏ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜɪs.

Y’all I was DYING.

I had to stop the episode and just like...recover. We had to rewind so I could watch this scene twice. I could not stop laughing at the idea that the writers were like “lets take this very serious and heavy content and then make it super emotional and meaningful by SLAPPING A DUEL DISK ON IT.” 

And what makes this scene even better is that like--barely anyone said ANYTHING after Pharaoh did this. He waltzed in there, did this insane thing, and then just waltzed out as if this was completely normal.

What the hell!?!?

And so while I am kind of reeling from Pharaoh just slapping a duel disk onto Joey like it’s a badge of honor and Joey was shot in the line of duty, suddenly--out of nowhere--Tea felt like reminding us that many episodes ago it was super hinted that these two might actually be approaching a relationship.

And so Tea decides to beg Yugi to stop and stay behind as if she’s a wife watching her husband like march off to the front lines or something. It was so melodramatic and just came out of NO WHERE.

Thankfully, as is this show’s custom, every time it looks like this ship might happen, every other available boy on the show must appear out of nowhere to cockblock the situation.

This episode is a lot of watching Pharaoh try his best to navigate a bunch of very delicate and intense social situations and he does so with the elegance and sensitivity of a bologna sandwich.

This shot of Kaiba on top of the tower ps was so freakin rediculous. This show just knows what it is and goes for it. Completely unashamed. I think that’s what I like most about anime--it has absolutely no shame to just be...waaaay too much.

...why THIS episode? Who was it that worked overtime for months and months just to make this one Yugioh episode look so shiny and nice?

And so the episode ends there, and probably all the character development we’ll have for the rest of the season. I cannot believe they gave me that much content in one episode. Damn.

I’m assuming next episode will be entirely cards and I’ll have like 5 caps of content.

Anyway if you just got here, this is a handy link to read these from the beginning.

[desertdaddypsp]

This is exactly how I feel right now...I AM A ROCK!

“I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died, if I never loved then I never would have cried! I am a rock!  I am an island!  And a rock feels no pain...and an island never cries!”  Simon and Garfunkel

I hate people.  

Let me tell you what the last month has been like.

I have never really been suicidal.  You know...making plans to truly off myself for good?  I’m too afraid to do that final “thing” that would stop the pain.  But, I tell ya!  If there was a way I could choose to go to sleep and never wake up again?  I’d take that route.  I just can’t take it anymore.

There is a phone number 211.  You know?  Like 411 for directory assistance or 611 for help with your cellular.  211 is for community resources and they tout themselves as a number you can call if you need mental help.  

I woke up one morning with the words, “I wanna kill myself” swirling around in my head.  I couldn’t stop it.  No “voices”.  I wasn’t psychotic.  But, the words kept pulsing through my brain...”I WANNA KILL MYSELF...I WANNA KILL MYSELF...I WANNA KILL MYSELF!!!”  It wouldn’t stop. So I called 211.

“So you aren’t planning on killing yourself, but you are just wanting the pain to stop?  Is that right, Rick?” the operator asked.  “Yes,” I confirmed.  “Well, there is an urgent care clinic up off of Racquet Club Road that will take you in for free and will give you someone to talk to.  There is also another one on Perez Road in Cathedral City.”  I got up the balls to drive to I R International on Racquet Club Road.

I got there and they did my intake interview.  I told them that I wasn’t suicidal but they took my shoelaces and my belt anyway.  Like I was gonna hang myself right there in the middle of a big meeting room.  They sat me down and left me there for two and a half hours!  No one said a word to me.  I raised some concern and was told that there were only two counselors on staff and that I’d just have to be patient.  I waited another 30 minutes and finally had had enough.  “Give me my things!” I demanded.  With my belt and shoelaces dangling from my hands, I lumbered to the car, sobbing.  I had gone there pleading for help and all I got was 3 hours of nothing.  I had summoned the nerve to ask for help and was treated like it didn’t matter.  Their fucking schedule was more important than the fact that I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again!  

I went to work.  I’m finding that work is my salvation.  I’m good at it and I know it.  It also forces me to be social which is easy because I like the people I deal with during my work day.  But, I decided that after work, I was going to go to the other mental health facility on Perez Road.

I drive up and it looks awfully empty.  As I get out of the car, a security guard meets me at the door and asks what I’m looking for.  “Riverside Community Mental Health,” I told him.  

“Oh.  They’re close.”  

“Closed?”  

“They moved their office.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know!” he kind of snarled.

Shit!

Once more, I get the balls to ask for help and my intentions are thwarted.  So, I decide to call 211 again while driving.

“211 operator.  How can I help you?”

I explained what had happened during the day with being ignored for three hours and how the Perez Road office was closed. 

“Oh, that office has moved to Indio...but they are closed now for the day.  Let me get someone on the line that can help you.  Hold on, please.”

The woman was gone for 5 minutes, forcing me to listen to “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” on Muzak.  Was the music mocking me?  

“Gee, Rick.  I’m sorry.  All of the counselors have gone home.  Can you call back tomorrow?”  I hung up on her.

Shit!  I’m gonna go get drunk!

I hadn’t had a drink since I started getting sober from crystal, but I wanted one.  So I proceeded to drive to my favorite bar, Streetbar.  I promised myself only one drink - a Hendrick’s tonic with double lime.  I took my potion out to the patio, sat there sipping, and watched the world go by.  I found solace in an alcoholic drink when I should have been able to find it through people who were supposed to help me. 

The solace I found didn’t come so much from the booze but from the fact that I was alone and that is just what I wanted.  I just wanted to be alone but not in my living room.  It was then that I realize it:

I HATE PEOPLE!

So much hurt and pain at the hands of human beings.  So much nastiness from men on the apps who either ignored me or told me I wasn’t worth their time.  How’s this one: “Your so ugly it would take me a month to wash the ugly off!” or then there was this guy: “I wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot pole!”  I’m not ugly.  I know that.  But why do people have to be so mean.  Of course, my codependent mind believed what they told me.  To MY mind, there was something wrong with ME when clearly, there was something wrong with THEN.

I send a desperate note to my therapist telling her that I couldn’t keep the thought of I WANT TO KILL MYSELF from running through my brain.  I never hear back from her.  Oh, I got some message saying, “Oh, you didn’t get the message that I sent this morning?”  No, I didn’t.  If you sent one, why didn’t I get it.  She apologized and gave me a phone number to call and promised to call me the next day to check up on me.

She didn’t.

Fuck her...fuck the whole world.  

Nobody gives a shit.  Even people who are paid to give a shit, don’t give a shit.

I tried for three days to get someone...ANYONE...to listen to me.  If I didn’t have insurance, I couldn’t afford to talk to someone and if they were free, it was going to take a month until they could get me scheduled for my intake interview.   I’m screaming out to someone to help me not kill myself and money and time are more important.  People just don’t give a shit!

So, that is when the resolution came and God damn it, it’s working.

ISOLATION!

For the last three weeks I basically see no one with very few exceptions. I go to work and I see Art (my best friend who checks in on me because HE cares about me!) and Gordon, because he cares, too.

I get up, sad and depressed.  I go through the motions of my morning.  I take Biscuit for her walk and we go for a car ride to Townie to get a bagel and then drive through Starbucks.  Then, I go home. Alone. Until it’s time for work.  Then, I go to Streetbar and have one drink on the patio.  Everyone leaves me alone which is just what I want.  Then, I go home.  Alone.  

For a couple of weeks, I went back on the gay apps (Grindr, Growlr, Adam4Adam) and tried to get laid, but I could even get anyone interested.  Another blow to my ego.  My decision?  

Don’t let anyone in!

I resolved to keep everyone except for Art and Gordon and my mom out of my life.  I wasn’t going to let anyone in because when I do, they hurt me.  They say they are my friends, and yet the don’t act like it.  They break dates.  They break promises.  They lie.  They have talked smack behind my back.  And, the worst I think is that this.

I stopped going to my meetings.  It has been over a month and not one person (well, my sponsor, excepted) has even noticed that I’m gone.  People who said that they liked me and chatted with me on Facebook and invited me to their pool parties didn’t even miss me or if they did, they didn’t give enough of a fuck to find out if I was ok or even sober to drop me a text message.  

Fuck ‘em!

They won’t hurt me again because I am not going to let anyone close enough to hurt me.  At least for now.  Maybe when the new meds kick in I’ll feel differently.  I did get a new Primary Care Physician to prescribe refills of some psych meds that I used to take, but it’s going to take 4-6 weeks for them to kick in.

So, for now, I am a rock...I am an island...cuz a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.

[tompen94]

Ranting about Kingdom Hearts (cuz I just got into it)

Oh boy... where to begin...

I guess I should start by saying I wasn’t a fan of this series. I had barely heard of it growing up (try being a nerd in Portugal, it’s the worst) and by the time I did all I was hearing was about how convoluted the story was and how it had Disney characters with JRPG ones and I just thought it was weird af.

It wasn’t until the hype for KH3 started building up and one of my friends started showing me trailers for the thing that I got interested myself. As such for the last couple of weeks I took it upon myself to catch up with the series lore-wise. Now I’m caught up (not really but fuck if I have to go through that mobile phone game), so I have some thoughts to spew out.

I should note that KH3 will be my very first experience in gameplay of the series. I only went through the story of the other games, watching their cutscenes. (All-in-one does sound like an appetizing package but I wasn’t willing to spend 100+ euros on something I wasn’t even sure I was gonna like).

I will be going on a game-by-game basis.

Kingdom Hearts

When you wak away~ you don’t hear me say~ (God this song is so good)

What I took from this game is that despite the ridiculous looking premise, it works. I don’t know how putting a FF-looking dude along with Sora and Goofy works, but they made it work. Bravo.

The story was pretty straight-forward. I like that Riku and Sora have very much the same goal throughout the game, only that Riku ended up hanging out with the wrong people and had to pay the price for it.

I really like the scene where Kairi is revived, almost like a reversal of the beginning of the game. She goes to grab Sora and he poofs out of existance. It actually hits pretty hard.

I love that they kept Mickey to just one cameo. They build him up so well and in the end he just appears and basically solves the situation. Great stuff.

Also did I mention how good Simple and Clean is?

Kingdom Hearts - Chain of Memories

This is where some questions start popping up. The rigmarole around Sora’s memories was a bit confusing to me.

Other than that though, this was pretty harmless. Namine is a nice addition to the cast and I like how Sora and the Riku-replica argued over things.

I also like Sora’s final decision to go back to how he was.

Kingdom Hearts - 358/2 Days

Yes, I went through this game before KH2. No I don’t regret it.

I really like Roxas, Axel and Xion. Probably my favorite trio as a whole in the series. They spend a lot of scenes together and they really sell the friendship between them.

Yes they’re always eating ice cream but why is that bad?

Kingdom Hearts II

Omoidasuka~ Haruka harukaaaa~ Mirai wa~ (God this music is so good)

Oh my god this game was looooooong.

I almost forgot the non-plot stuff of this game completely. It’s not to say that it’s bad, but that it is a lot of stuff to remember so I chose to keep the plot-important stuff. Thankfully, that plot-important stuff is really really really good.

I think the final world is worth every pound of a full-price game on its own. I mean, seriously. Kairi and Namine’s escape and rescue by Riku. Ansem’s sacrifice. Xemnas’  questioning (and his voice, so soothing). Sora’s reunion with Riku. And how about that final battle. Oh my god the hype.

I do have a question though. How did Riku obtain his keyblade? It looks like his old bat wing sword so I thought it had been turned into a keyblade, but then in DD he summons the sword so he still has it?

Still, probably my favorite entry in the series.

Kingdom Hearts - Birth by sleep

This one kinda felt like the Star Wars prequels, what with Xehanort constantly goading Terra into using the darkness.

This game’s pacing was weird. One minute we’re trudging through the remaining worlds not explored in KH1, then suddenly Eraqus is attacking Ventus and we’re on the path to the Keyblade Graveyard.

This was the game that started interconnecting the plot too much. There’s no need for Mickey to be here, much less in the finale. Kairi now ended up Destiny Islands because Aqua gave her a charm or something. Sora and Riku got the Kingdom key because Riku was bequeathed by Terra now. The only one that kinda had to happen was the rigmarole with Sora’s and Ventus’s hearts, in order to explain Roxas’s appearance.

Still, the finale was pretty good and it did a good job of setting up Xehanort as the series’ big bad.

Btw, Aqua’s VA was shit. It really distracted me... Like can you at least pretend that you care? Really bad performance.

Kingdom Hearts - Re:coded

Apparently this one’s important to the plot now.

My least favorite entry in the franchise so far. Most of the game is inconsequential, it goes on for too long and for no good reason.

There are a couple of good moments between Data!Sora and Data!Riku, and I like that this game actually gave Sora a goal to achieve in KH3, that of rescuing every other MC trio, but those points are not enough to redem this game.

It felt like a chore to go through this one.

Kingdom Hearts - Dream Drop Distance

This one was mostly fun, but it is also responsible for the meme-status of the franchise’s story. Oh my god...

I actually don’t mind the complicated exam. I also like the idea of a mishap turning Riku into Sora’s guardian angel. However it’s when the Xehanorts start running amok that the plot starts to literally fold in on itself.

It does a decent enough job of setting up KH3 and hyping it up, but this really was where the story started to get convoluted. Before this point it was actually pretty easy to follow for me.

I’m also not fond of the retcon on Organization XIII’s goals.

Also I guess Riku is more special than Sora now? Not that I’m complaining.

Kingdom Hearts - 0.2 Birth by sleep -A fragmentary passage-

This game fixed Aqua and ruined Mickey. I mean, it’s pretty. And Aqua is life. But what the hell did you do to Mickey, Nomura?

You mean to tell me that Aqua was there the whole time and Mickey didn’t try to get her out of the Realm of Darkness? WHAT?! He was there with Riku, and Mickey didn’t even so much as mention Aqua to him? She’s literally there on the beach!

On the other hand though, Aqua’s VA now does a pretty decent job. Aqua herself is given a lot more to do and think about. Her character really benefits from this title. She’s not my favorite character, but I totally get why she’s a fan favorite.

Also terrible excuse to get Sora back to Lvl 1 is terrible.

Kingdom Hearts X Back Cover

On its own, I actually like this. It’s a pretty solid story on how the Keyblade War first sparked.

Yes, the foretellers are idiots who were obviously being played by the Master of Masters, but I think the way they fell out is nicely told. I also think that was the intent of the story. To show how dependent these guys were on the Master and how incompetent they were, so much so that the moment the Master disappears everything goes haywire.

I am a bit reluctant on this as a piece of the Kingdom Hearts story though. More specifically when it pertains to the Dark Seeker Saga. I don’t like how this was shown to us before KH3. Because even though I’m new to the series, I can tell a crazy storyteller when I see one. And Nomura’s incessant need of referencing every single piece of content in KH will rear its ugly head in KH3.

This shit is gonna matter, but it clearly has no place in the story told so far. Yes, it shows the beginnings of the Kayblade War, which is Xehanort’s end goal. But now we have ANOTHER bad guy to look out for in the Master of Masters and what the hell is in the black box, cuz I can assure it will appear in KH3. Isn’t this a bit too much to tack on just before the release of the game that supposedly ends the saga?

And don’t get me started on the fuckton of continuity problems the whole mobile game shabang brings.

Looking onto Kingdom Hearts III

On the whole though, I’m getting this game. If I had to equate it to something it would be to Infinity War in how it is going to converge all of the currently ongoing plotlines. Everything is leading up to this.

That in and of itself is good enough to generate hype, but there are other things that I’m looking forward to in the game.

- The gameplay (again, haven’t actually played any of the games yet, this will be my first experience)

- Playing as Kairi (wasn’t particularly happy with her lack of screentime despite her status as a MC)

- Sora’s goal to help Roxas (and I believe the others connected to him by extension)

- Visiting the Pixar worlds (this stuff looks so good, it looks exactly the same as the movies)

- The epic team-up of all the trios

- The music (of course)

- And probably some other stuff that I can’t remember right now.

May your heart be your guiding key

[boobachu]

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T  R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.

[madmaddy-life]

that bunch of questions answered.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah. I usually doubt my OWN existence... I know I imagined some people into reality, but what if someone imagined me?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 0. It’s the dark that have to be afraid of me.

3. The person you would never want to meet? Most of my old school enemies. I’d just kill them, so it’s better to never see them again.

4. What is your favorite word? Fuck.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Oak. I like Oaks. (or maple... Cool tree too)

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I don’t look in the mirror unless I just have to. And I don’t have to. Usually I think “Hello, Ugly piece of shit.”

7. What shirt are you wearing? I wear teal green nightshirt, wtih two crowns and stars.

8. What do you label yourself as? Hate labels. They’re stupid. 

9. Bright room or dark room? Depends. If it’s the room is bright because of the sun, and not lamps - then yes, bright room. If it’s dark because the lights is off, and I can turn it on - then okay too...

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping. 

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? It all sucks, if I can remember. So - 5 years. I can’t remember what was then.

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. No one else does.

13. Your worst enemy? Me, myself. (also those assholes who make fun of me, my friends, and\or who’s unfair to everyone.)

14. What is your current desktop picture? Some autumn leafs and a fence.

15. Do you like someone? Yes, I do. But they’re taken. Yay me for being unlucky..

16. The last song you listened to? “I hate everyone” by Get Set Go. Heh.

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? If I could press that button - all humanity would be dead by now. Cuz, why play favourites, when everyone deserves a nice blow... Kekeke.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? All those school morons. And all those college assholes. And all of the dipshits who annoy me...

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Hahah. I’d either have one of my friends as a slave, and then just have them to be nice to me, and\or fuck... OR I’d have someone I don’t like as a slave, and just make them clean everything in my flat.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Hands. And maybe eyes... (that’s all I like about myself really.)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? The same. I look pretty gender neutral. So, nothing would’ve changed.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I don’t have any secret talents. All of my talents are out, and dangling about...

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? It’s not unique - I’m afraind of asphyxia.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Peanut butter sandwich. I like peanut butter, and it’s too expensive here.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? MARKERS. I WILL BUY MARKERS. Or some other art supplies. (Or maybe snacks.)

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? England. I wanna see it all.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Jack Daniels whiskey. Give it to me.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? “No one is allowed on my island, exept ME.” That’s gonna be the single rule. I don’t need no stinking society on MY ISLAND.

29. What is your favorite expletive? FUCK }: D

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? Probably my laptop (or hard drive). All of my work in there. And I value it too much.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Myself. I am a horrible experience.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Let’s see. If I really do have time-traveling powers (and super-powers) I won’t give a shit about someone trying to get me kicked out of the country. No one has the power to do so. So, no problem. If that’s all a lie - then I’ll just move anywhere...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My grand dad.

34. What was your last dream about? I and a group of people were searching for an underground buker, to get to safety. When we get there, and open all doors - turns out that the bunker is flooded, and we can’t stay there. And the only thing I can do to keep my group safe - is to climb on the roof of nearby abandoned building and cover their retreat with a shiper rifle...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? ... at anything at all? Yes. Yes I am.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? HA. HAHAH. Let’s COUNT. Not less than five times.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Sure. It was a year ago. Or maybe two. I can’t remember.

38. What is the color of your socks? Usually - gray. Or black. Or brown-ish.

39. What type of music do you like? It’s hard to explain. I like some specific tunes.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets. I’m always alseep at sunrises.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? I don’t drink milkshakes. Like, at all.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) Don’t watch sports. It’s boring for me...

43. Do you have any scars? A lot. I have a lot of tiny scars on my hands, from paper knife (and cats). One on my right elbow, from a nail - I fell on it. One on my left leg - I dropped a metal pipe from vacuum cleaner. And four scars on my belly from a surgery - got my gallbladder removed.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I already did that. And I don’t have any wishes... I was thinking about vandalising the walls of my institute. Maybe later I’ll do that. It was a shitty place.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I’d remove lasyness.

46. Are you reliable? Not really. I do things if I want to. If I don’t - I won’t.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? what the fuck happened to you?

48. Do you hold grudges? YES. Yes I do. I freaking hate people for the shit they’ve done to me... And I’d make them pay, if I saw them again.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? An owldog. A flying dog-like birb, who’s very faithfull.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Hmm, I’m not sure I’ve had one. Like, I’m okay with pretty much everything. I’ve been talking about a lot of stuff many concider unusual, weird of wicked.

51. Are you a good liar? Yes. I lie a lot...

52. How long could you go without talking? I barely talk. So I can be silent for many days.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Short bang on the front (ridiculously short. My hair would stand up), with long hair on the back.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Not yet. But I baked cupcakes.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I think so. I never really tried.

56. What do you like on your toast? MEAT. I like meat on anything.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? Two guys fucking. }X D That’s USUALLY what I draw.

58. What would be you dream car? Flying DeLorean that can go back in ti~iiime! }X )

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I don’t sing. I just sit and listen to the water running down. The sound is soothing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Sure. Why not. The universe is fucking big, who the heck knows what else is in there.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Nah. I don’t believe in THAT. (But in aliens - I do. Lol)

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Hmmm. M.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs. They EXISTED.

64. What do you think about babies? UGH. BLEUGH. WWWeeeeh! }X P

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. DICKS. DICKS-DICKS-dicks. < u >

[saintheartwing]

Songtale, Part 6

Bonnie Hatfield-McCoy was barely clinging to life when Neil found her in the cell. She was slumped against the wall, her head bowed, panting and heaving with her chest slowly rising and falling. Her breath was hoarse and ragged, her tone almost a raspy whisper as she slowly raised her head, and then turned to look to the side ever-so-slightly. "Mah...hat..." She mumbled out to Neil. Neil Elliot blinked stupidly. What the heck did she mean by-oh. OH. He realized her cowboy hat had fallen off, and she wanted it back on her head, even though her skull was matted with dried blood. He carefully placed it back atop her head, apologetically smiling up at her. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed preteen looked into the brown-haired teenager's eyes, blue into green as she chuckled a bit, letting him help her up and try to stagger towards the cell door. "I'm awfully sorry puttin' y'all through this." She apologetically admitted to Neil. "Y'all had to go through so much just to get to me."

"I'm getting you to Frisk, and then we're going to destroy the door to the Ruins. Nobody will be able to get to you, or ever get any more human souls." Neil insisted quietly as he "oofed" with every step, the two getting closer and closer to the cell door, now inching their way down the hall...as the lights suddenly turned off, and a string of floor lights flooded on, illuminating a path. "...oh hell. I think we've been spotted." "Correct." A voice rang out from the PDA system as Neil inwardly groaned, hearing Dr. Gaster's voice ringing out, calm and collected. "Did you really think I WOULDN'T notice you breaking into my laboratory? My boy, for all your finesse and skill I see in your ballet moves, you've got the stealth of a very loud mountain goat." The skeleton monster intoned, and Neil was SURE that the doctor was rubbing his temples and shaking his head back and forth, scarcely able to get out the words he was saying. "I mean, the only thing you weren't doing was literally humming the James Bond theme."

Neil deeply blushed. "Well, the first time I went through the lab about a year ago..." He muttered under his breath. But Dr. Gaster had overheard that. He steepled his bony fingers, Neil continuously moving across the hallway floors, taking Bonnie with him. "How many times have you ever RESET?" "Lost count." Neil snapped. He did not want to talk about this. He did not want to be psychoanalyzed. He didn't like the idea of this scientist looking at him like something under a microscope. He had to get Bonnie some magical food. What they needed, without a doubt, was to get to the kitchen, and he could smell coffee coming up on his right. One of the doors had to lead to an employee lounge, if he could just see which one...

He pushed doors open again and again as W.D Gaster spoke up again. "I imagine the first time you learned of your abilities, it was fascinating to you. A power nobody else had. An entire world opening up before you. I remember when I first gained mastery over multiple magics, and my parents were proud as could be. Yet they couldn't compare to the sheer joy I felt at knowing I could do things nobody around me could. That I could COMBINE magical spells. I felt a sense of furtive, dark delight, like knowing I'd found a hidden treasure and not wanting to tell anyone."

Neil pushed open another door. A broom closet. Another door. A bathroom.

"I of course began to exploit this little gift. I'd use it to beat others and win bets. I tested the limits of science and magic in my laboratory. "Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair"." At first, I thought that saying meant others would despair in knowing they couldn't compare. Then in my foolishness, I became the Ozymandias of the poem. "Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!  Nothing beside remains. Round the decay, of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level sands stretch far away."

Another door. A supply closet. Neil was trying very hard not to listen, but it was becoming difficult. Chara's whispering was getting louder. A resentful anger was building in him, rising higher and higher.

"Everything I did amounted to nothing. What went up came down. Because I began using my gifts to experiment upon humans. I used it to discover the infamous "LOVE". "Level of Violence". To discover "EXP". "Execution Points". I learned the limits of monster and human souls. I learned what happens when a monster claims a human soul. Because I was the one that sparked the war. Humans found out about my experiments, found out I had absorbed human souls into myself to test what would happen. And we were cast down, down, down...into the Underground." "Oh, I feel so BAD for you. Wallow in self-pity you child-killing sons of!-" Neil began to angrily say. "Do you expect me to feel SORRY for you?! After everything you've done to the missus here? To the other children? To ME? Do you know how many times I died down here in the Underground? Against Asgore alone? When you've died over 89 times, then maybe we can talk about how much we've both suffered, how much we have in common!"

He shook his head back and forth, finally reaching the last door on the right, opening it up. Coffee!...on a desk, next to some monster versions of "Oreos". It wasn't an employee lounge, it was a small employee office, and...an absolute wreck. There were papers littering the ground, posters half-heartedly stuck up on the wall, the PC was a mess, a dozen different applications were turned on and various scribblings and doodles were left on a nearby whiteboard...and Neil knew it was Sans's. The scribbler was supposed to analyze velocity, and to do so, he'd drawn a cannon firing. The cannon had then turned into a pirate firing said cannon at a fort as he sat on a tiny island, sharks circling around his nearby pirate ship as he cried out "Yar, Yar, Gimme Yer Treasure", the Fort defiantly firing back and yelling "Never" as a crab scuttled on the beach it laid upon. Yep. It was definitely Sans's scribbling. He hobbled Bonnie over to the desk as she took the Oreo cookies and downed them with the coffee, her wounds healing a bit before his eyes, her skin no longer looking quite as gaunt, her bloodied wounds being more scabby and less flowing, more color coming to her cheeks.

"Your kind killed many, many of us." Gaster explained softly over the PDA. "And we so dearly want to leave this place. Don't make this difficult. I have enough blood on my conscience, and do not want to cause more needless suffering if I can avoid it." "You want to go up and kill more people on the surface. That's not okay. I don't care what you endured in the past, it doesn't justify you being jerks in the present." Neil snapped. "It's the same sort of nonsense my dad used to buy into when he was on that big Confederate kick for a while. He got over it because he realized what you haven't yet. You wanna remember? Fine. REMEMBER THAT YOU LOST. Then maybe the days of glory past stop looking so awesome."

"Don't antagonize the guy who can shoot lasers outta giant skulls. Cuz he'll use 'em. Repeatedly. Many, many times." Bonnie grunted, shaking her head back and forth as she led HIM out of the room, down along the dark hallway as the air seemed to get humid and intense. Further and further along the dimly-lit hall they went, approaching the only door out, the other locked and barred by thick, steely grates as Neil forcibly tug it open...

He deeply frowned. This place.

He was in the middle of a part of the lab he'd not enjoyed being close to at ALL the last time he'd gone through the Underground, in what seemed like another lifetime ago. This was where the Amalgamates were. Deep, ugly green floors, a rotten wall color to match, what sounded like a thousand fans all running at once as he and Bonnie kept moving forward, through darkness and a hazy mist that spread through the room, enveloping all nooks and crannies. It was almost icy cold inside this tomb-like section of the lab, and Neil shuddered, somehow this place felt even more inhospitable to his tutu-wearing frame than SNOWDIN had!

And then the mist parted enough to reveal Dr. Gaster who was standing with his hands in his lab coat. His head was lowered as he quietly sighed.

"I will ask you politely only once. Please return to the cell with her, and this will not be painful." "I'll ask YOU once. Move out of the way, or I move you." Neil said, getting in front of Bonnie as he parted his legs a bit and struck a fighting pose, crouching a bit, ready to spring forth.

Dr. Gaster sighed. "I didn't want to do this. My green energy's rather spent from my earlier fight with the teenager behind you. I had hoped you'd just cooperate, but you humans are so...DETERMINED, aren't you? As long as you keep moving forward, trying as hard as you can, you believe everything will work out." "DETERMINATION?" Neil grinned, flexing his legs. "Nah! I was all about INTEGRITY. Owning up to what I do, to be honest and true. You'll not get any lies out of me, doc. So believe me when I say I REALLY am not gonna hold back against you after what you did to Bonnie!"

Chara's whispering had never sounded so seductive. Gaster and Mettaton had hurt Bonnie. They deserved to be punished for this, for hurting an innocent human. For hurting one of his friends. For trying to keep a mother from her child. They refused to own up to the wrong they did, excusing it as a "greater good". He HATED that excuse. And they were going to find out just how much he hated it. He shot forward, Gaster sighing as his head shot up...and distinctly glowed a deep blue. Neil was caught off guard, blinking a bit in surprise, the leg that was about to slide into Gaster's face flopping a bit in midair...

Before Neil flopped to the floor, now covered in a blue aura as Gaster chuckled a bit. "In the words of my adorable younger brother...you're blue now. That's my attack. Nyeh-heh-heh-heh!"

Neil inwardly gasped as Dr. Gaster swung his finger through the air, spinning it around and around as Neil was swept to and fro through the air, Bonnie gaping in alarm and staring in shock. Neil was taking a beating, his young body slamming hard into the wall as Dr. Gaster frowned. "I suggest you surrender before I'm forced to-"

RESET

"As long as you keep moving forward, trying as hard as you can, you believe everything will-"

Neil's leg shot forth as he tried to knee Dr. Gaster straight in his face with a THWA-THWACK...only for Dr. Gaster to freeze him in midair, Neil stiffening, halting in place, now looking positively idiotic as he hung there, Gaster chuckling. "You're blue now! That's my attack! Nyeh-heh-heh!" "Oh COME ON!" Neil cried out angrily.

RESET

"I will ask you politely only once. Please return to the cell with her, and this will not be painful-"

"Oh trust me, this is gonna be real painful!" Neil roared out, barreling down the hallway, only for to be slammed into the wall, his body engulfed by blue light. "Don't tell me. I'm "blue" now. That's your attack. Nyeh-heh-heh?"

Dr. Gaster blinked stupidly. "Wait, how-oh. Of course, your unique ability. Resetting again and again, I imagine? I've experience in these matters. You're not the first time-fiddling human I ever met. It would seem you're going to be the last, though. Believe me, I am very sorry for your death." He insisted, holding a hand up.

RESET

Neil was now in the hallway with Bonnie and he halted in place, panting. "Wait. WAIT." He insisted firmly. "If we go down this way, Dr. Gaster will cream me. I can't beat him." Neil groaned as he clutched at his head, shaking it back and forth. "What am I going to do?! I can't think of a way to attack him and there's no other way out of here!"

Bonnie laid against the wall, folding her arms. She quietly bobbed her head, thinking...thinking. "Listen. I got me an idea. Can he handle the both of us?" "He's got two hands, so I imagine "yes"." Neil grunted with a shake of his head.

"Then we need another way out. We need to blow our way out, if need be." She reasoned. "Isn't there a laboratory door near here? Someplace with stuff that goes "boom"?" "The only place that has that stuff is in that big misty section of lab up ahead, and GASTER'S in there."

"...then follow my lead." Bonnie whispered, inching towards the doorway...then getting low, low...and sloooowly pushing open the door. She began to crawl along the ground as the mist began to seep out and fill the hallway. Neil held his breath harshly, his heart pounding in his chest as they inched slowly along the floor, hearing a thoughtful humming noise filling the air as they inched along the right-hand wall. Not a word. Neither of them would say one...single...word.

Silence reigned over them, the mist filling every nook and cranny of the laboratory as Dr. Gaster looked around, seeing nothing. The mist hung low all around him, obscuring the floor and a good two feet above it as he frowned slightly, displeasure on his skeletal face. "Child, you can't hide from me forever. It would be better for you to come out. I want this to be over with quickly, so as to ensure there is less suffering."

Neil felt that anger rising in him. He felt he was being condescended to and he hated that. That awful muttering of Chara's was rising in his soul, that urge to lash out, to hurt, to make this hypocrite standing on a false moral pedestal SHUT UP. But he had to listen to Bonnie, she knew what she was doing, if he could just stay quiet long enough...

Then she stopped him, putting a hand on his arm. She pointed forward, across the floor. There, sure enough, was a large, flammable mixture of chemicals with the obvious warning signs on it. And if they could just move it over towards a window on the far side of the lab...

Nodding quietly in agreement, they slunk towards the big jar of chemicals, one of many, and Neil got an idea. Taking in a deep breath as he heard Dr. Gaster speak again, ensuring what he wanted to do would be muffled by the talking, he took another jaw and placed it on its side on the floor, then...

"Come out, child. I'll try to be as gentle as I can when I take your soul, the touch of death need not be cold-"

RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE. Gaster wheeled around, seeing something rolling across the floor at a swift speed and he quickly moved after it, picking it up as Bonnie kept pushing the chemical jar. Neil, meanwhile, had snatched up several other bottles and was now rolling them around the floor of the lab from different parts of the room, all in different directions, barreling away and scurrying across the ground like a lab rat, hidden by the mist. All of this was providing a misleading picture for Gaster, making him unsure which direction they were, which direction the rolling vials of chemicals were coming from.

Closer and closer to the wall with the window came Bonnie and the big vial of chemicals as she finally put it against it and tilted it up. Now they just had to blow it up. They needed fire. Luckily...she kept a lighter in a hidden pocket in her boots, along with a tiny knife. They'd taken her gun. Taken her bullets. But they hadn't done a full search of her. Heck, she would have hidden something in her PANTIES if she hadn't considered herself a "classy gal".

Smirking a bit, she turned back to Neil and nodded. Time for a distraction. She began to caaarefully rip off a piece of her undershirt, to make a makeshift wick as she uncorked the chemical vial and eased the wick into it, Neil scurrying as far away from her as possible, waiting for Gaster to speak again, waiting for him to be fully distracted.

"Okay, Gaster. Let's talk." Neil said quietly, rising up, fists resting on his hips as the skeletal monster faced him down and blinked slowly.

"So, human. At last you feel up for a more civil discussion?" Gaster inquired.

"Do you know what it feels like to die?" Neil asked quietly. Quiet, with an edge. Gaster felt a sense of unease on him as an almost...red glint...came to Neil's eyes. "It was agonizing. A horrific, sudden stabbing. Your organs bursting, filling with fire from inside. You just want it to stop. You'll give anything for it to just...stop. And it doesn't stop. So you scream. And you scream. And then even after that, after your voice is hoarse and your throat raw and you're sobbing endlessly, it doesn't stop until the very...last...breath...comes from your lungs. It was hell."

Gaster was silent for a long...long time, it seemed. Unaware of the wick getting burned up...of Bonnie slinking from the wall...

"That was how it felt to die. The first time. Imagine that over and over." Neil muttered. "And I have tried SO hard not to be...mad." Neil grumbled out. "To...to not give back as good as I get. Because I 'got' a lot. A lot of it I earned, for I hurt a lot of monsters that didn't deserve it, but I also saw plenty of other children die in the other timelines I watched. Kids who didn't deserve to die, who just wanted to go home, and wanted you monsters to stop hurting them, but you wouldn't listen." "We all believe our greater good is the greatest, I suppose." Gaster confessed. "It is no excuse. I just wish for you to understand." "I understand. But you want to kill us, and..." Neil held his head in his hands. "...I am SO angry with what you did to Bonnie. I want to make things right, Dr. Gaster. I'm getting her out of here and taking her and her son home. Where they belong. And you're not going to stop me." "Oh?" Gaster looked a bit amused. "My dear child, however do you think you are going to stop me? I'm getting a sense of deja vu. You and I have spoken before, and I imagine you didn't beat me then." "I don't need to beat you. I just gotta distract you." Neil said, gesturing at the wall behind Gaster as the skeletal doctor whipped around, eyes wide as he finally noticed the burning wick falling into the chemicals.

With a loud, raucous SHA-KOOOOWWW, the wall and the large canister and the chemicals exploded in fire, Dr. Gaster being thrown back as an opening was blown forth, Gaster flying across the lab as Bonnie and Neil ran through it, along the dark reddish/brown ground and towards a catwalk, eager to get to the elevator, to race back to the river, away from Hotland, off towards Snowdin and the Ruins!

The elevator was only about fifty feet away. Neil began to press the button summoning it as Bonnie looked back, seeing something that filled her with shock. Her eyes went wide. The entire laboratory was quickly catching on fire. The explosion had cracked a very weak section of ground and...it was falling into the lava. "We can't just leave them there!" She cried out, her eyes full of alarm. As horrific and cruel as they'd treated her...she couldn't leave them to die. Before Neil could stop her, Bonnie had barreled off towards the burning entrance and he groaned, covering his face.

"Tug her back. Force her to come back with you."

"...noooo." Neil murmured. "Sans can teleport out fine, I'm sure but...Alphys is still in there and my dad would never forgive me if I just let a girl get hurt." He confessed, barreling after Bonnie, seeing her lifting up a moaning, barely-awake Dr. Gaster. "I'm going to go find Alphys." He insisted to her as she nodded, making for the exit they'd formed, racing along the halls as the laboratory shook and shuddered, and the fire began to rise. Bits of flames were licking along the walls as he saw Sans escorting laboratory experiments along down another hallway, turning down a left path...

There she was! She was dragging Mettaton's robot body...rather poorly. It was clear she couldn't carry him. "Come on, we need to go!" Neil yelled out, racing at her. "This place is collapsing!" "Are you kidding me!?" She snapped, looking angrily at him. "This is your fault, isn't it? I'm not going with you! You probably did this to Mettaton too!" She added, pointing back at the unconscious robot, the heat in the halls rising higher, higher, higher...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Horrific, soul-crushing laughter. Suddenly vines wrapped around Alphys and Mettaton's forms, Mettaton's robotic body shuddering and shattering, leaving a stunned-looking pinkish GHOST now trapped inside the vine tendrils engulfing her as Neil stared in alarm, seeing a smug, smirking flowery face looking down at him. "I knew I was right to follow you around. Knew that if I just waited, I'd get my chance. And while all of you were trying to escape the mess this idiot and his stupid friend made..." Flowey sniggered, looking at Neil, then at Alphys and Mettaton. "I got the human souls you had! My, my, my, I feel WONDERFUL with them inside me. Of course...I could use more." He added darkly, sneering at Neil. "Thank you so much for blowing a nice hole open for me. Now do me another favor..."

He held up a spiked vine and launched it at Neil, who's mouth fell open in a gasp as he barely rolled away, the burning flames blocking off his exit back, the only way forward now blocked by a huge swarm of vines, Flowey and horrific spiky shrubbery...

"AND DIE!"

[julesdelorme]

faller

chapter 6

the man

call me faller.

what they called me.

what they call me now.

what i call myself most of the time.

i call myself faller and they called me faller because that’s what I am.

that’s who i am.

the worst insult you can hear if you’re a fighter. the worst insult you you can ever hear. worse than bastard or sonofabitch or coward or cocksucker.

mostly they don’t say it to my face.

mostly.

not at first but they said it and i heard it and and i didn’t say nothing and i say it myself now because it’s what i am.

i could fight.

i can still fight.

mostly.

i could win most of those fights but and i can’t remember when exactly i can’t remember anything exactly no more but the first time that somebody offered me money and i took it and then i kept taking it because taking the money was so easy easier than not knowing how the fight was going to turn out and a lot easier after a while than saying i didn’t want to take the money no more. the thing is after a while i didn’t even need to fake it. after a while i started to fall down for real even though i used to be able to take any punch or kick and stay stay on my feet all of a sudden i couldn’t and even the maybe even the maybe of being a halfway good fighter was gone.

they used to call in punchy.

when your brain gets all scrambled from too many hits. punchy. hands started to shake and the world started to look like broken television and i couldn’t remember things even simple things and people started to sound like they were talking from another room even when they were right there.

and i started falling down all on my own.

i would be walking along and the next thing i knew somebody was looking down at me and i was looking up at them or at the ceiling or up at the sky and the doctors even the bad ones even the very worst ones wouldn’t pass me to fight not even in the dive bars no more and i was washed up and the booze and the drugs that were always part of it part but then that’s all there was there wasn’t even the the fighting i wasn’t even anything like a real fighter or even the maybe of being a real fighter i started to steal and rob then and acting crazy even crazier than i ever was time all the time in the joint and it was was like i was in more than i was out and the doctors in the joint telling me about the scar tissue on my brain that was making me fall down and all the tests and more tests the more tests that i couldn’t even say the name of and my brain didn’t work right maybe it it never did but now it was really fucked up and and all i wanted to do was get out just get out and get wasted and drunk to forget the pain forget i was a useless drunk drug fuck up all washed up all washed up.

then i started to think about going back.

i stated to think all the time about going back to the river.

nothing but the river no no plans or ideas except the river and going back.

but every time i got out i would do something crazy end up back in the can. get back on the booze and drugs any kind of drugs i could get my hands on anything to make make the darkness make the darkness not so heavy so so smothering for a little while and i would need more money so i would do something stupid get caught end right back in the joint again again again cuz i never was no criminal genius just just some idiot that wanted something to push the darkness back just a little bit.

sometimes i would still get a fight for money even then even then it wouldn’t take more than one good shot before i was falling falling down again the money got less even less less the fights got uglier even uglier i got uglier even uglier meaner places i got meaner before long it was easier to rob some place or or break into some place i was never smart enough to get that right so i end up back inside all i could think about was how i needed to get get back to the river the river because that was the only way the story gets to end all i wanted the fucking story just wanted the  story to fucking end.

i didn’t have no more feeling about dying than i did about living just that i needed to go to the river to the river where i was born and get to the end.

just end.

just end.

that it needed to fit somehow the beginning the beginning to the end. i was born dead and the actual dying was just some word just some word a word that was way past the time to say it.

i just needed to stay out for even a minute so i i could make it back to the river.

but i needed money every time tried to get hands on cash ended up back inside the social workers the prayer bible thumpers telling me they could get me money from the government on account of my head being so so messed up but i didn’t want the government’s money i i just wanted my own money all i needed some halfway decent score where i didn’t get caught except i was never smart enough not to get caught even before all before all the head damage.

the one social worker fat fat and pasty like a slug fucking with lizard eyes got real mad at me because i i didn’t want the government’s money but i would steal it from some store owner who never did nothing to me because that fat lizard eye slob couldn’t figure that that stealing wasn’t begging or taking handouts at least. i i didn’t even bother trying to tell it to him because it would never make no sense to someone like him taking money from the government to go around acting like he like he gave a shit.

i got out and saw him on the street one day and and kicked his fucking lizard face in.

kicked it in so bad he died.

the lawyer brings up my head damage and said some shit about the guy diddling prisoners and i get seven for manslaughter.

when i got out this time i just started walking and kept on walking kept on walking with no money nothing to sleep in just my clothes and shoes shoes worn through till i got to the river to the place where the river got started or ended i can never i can never remember which one and i just kept on walking because i i didn’t know where exactly just to the island but i didn’t know where the house where i grew up even was where where it used to be i just hoped that if i kept on walking i might come to the place if there was a real place that i remembered and i would know that place and and then it would all be just end. i didn’t give a shit about them coming after me anymore even i just wanted to get to get to the river and get all the fucked up shit all the falling down and and all the other shit to end finally why had to get to the river to the island where it started so it i could get it to end.

but i never did i never did find the place i was looking for maybe because it was all twisted changed maybe because i was all twisted twisted and changed or maybe because i couldn’t find the memories no more with all the getting hit in the head and the falling down. i kept walking and and walking thinking maybe i would run into some place i would know even without remembering it but the rez was changed from a dead dead filthy stinking thing to to something cleaner and prettier and prettier and softer and nothing i knew belonged there i didn’t i didn’t belong there no more they cleaned up all the memories and nothing nothing was nothing i knew like they had taken all my memories all my dirty ugly memories and and scrubbed them clean so clean they didn’t even belong to me no more and this wasn’t my world no more i could walk forever and nothing nothing was going to be my remembering of it.

it was that knowing that knowing that the island wasn’t the place from my memories left me all of a sudden all of a sudden worn out and tired and hot and so dry in my mouth i i couldn’t even swallow or make spit in my mouth. long time before i would go off into the woods without food or water and and i would just walk and walk without sleeping or stopping. the old woman my grandmother told everybody i was doing some kind of spirit walk but but all i was doing was walking and getting away from the world and getting away from the old man’s fists. sometimes sometimes i think though maybe i was doing some kind of spirit walk i just didn’t know it and the old lady was telling the truth.

mostly i was just walking.

mostly i was just walking.

right about when i was feeling like i couldn’t couldn’t walk no more couldn’t walk no more ever ever i see the boy this skinny kid standing there watching me his arms wrapped around burned out old fence post in front in front of half burned down house a old goat some old goat tied up with a rope him the boy even though i didn’t know him even though there was no way i could know this kid or remember him the boy he felt to me like i knew him like he was something not somebody some some thing with that half burned down house and the and the goat that i knew and that i remembered even though he couldn’t be something i knew he felt like something i knew even the goat was something i knew.

i felt like i knew him and and maybe he would know me.

maybe he would know me.

not the boy so much something about the kid and that burned up place and the goat.

it felt like he was one thing the first thing in that place that that was like i remembered i remembered and knew even though he was just some kid complete stranger even though there wasn’t nothing about his face or or clothes or the way he stood with his arms around burned worn out old fence post was like something or somebody i could remember even a goat even a goat i could remember except it felt like i remembered them or i knew them it felt like i knew them.

so i started walking to them.

i don’t even don’t even know why i was walking.

i didn’t even know right away i was walking to them.

just somehow my feet changed direction without my knowing it i was walking to this boy that i didn’t know his old goat i didn’t know but i was sure i knew i was sure i knew them.

the kid didn’t move.

he didn’t move.

he just stood there.

the goat raising a racket but then about then even the goat got quiet and still and stood there like it knew me.

in that place in the place that i knew remembered even though it was nothing like anything i knew or remembered and and probably still even behind all the nice houses and the shiny boats for a kid to just stand there when a grown up especially a fucked up grown up was coming towards him wasn’t normal. i remembered that. i remembered that. i knew that. people in that place were dangerous even with more money in pockets they they were probably still dangerous. people in every place are dangerous but in a different way than than in places like that in other places you don’t know the kind of hurt they’re going to to do because they don’t mean no harm not at first but in in places like the island doing bad things is all there is it it always there right there underneath the clean and shiny outside pretty much anybody in that place still mean hurt so if somebody if somebody comes at you the normal thing to do is get out of the way or do something ugly before before they do something ugly to you.

but the kid just stood there.

and the goat the goat just stood there.

he didn’t look like there was nothing wrong with him. the kid i mean. he didn’t look like a retard or like he was off his head the way the way lots of kids popped out of their drunk moms at least on the outside on the outside he looked normal but it wasn’t normal in that place to to just stand there it was especially not normal when you saw somebody fucked up like me all scarred up and twitchy like me all the scars and the the gimped up walk coming towards you but the kid just stood there and the goat just stood there.

they just stood there. i kept on walking.

that’s what happened.

just that.

just that.

them standing there and and me walking to them.

me walking and the kid and the goat standing.

just standing.

that was the start.

not end.

not end yet.

almost maybe.

almost maybe the end.

wherever i was going this was the start

i i didn’t even know where i was but that was the start.

and i was done walking.

for now.

for now i was done walking.

#fiction #writing #writers #authors #author #novels #novelnovels #newnovels #julesdelorme #julesfdelorme #faller #delormewriting #scarboroughwritersfightclub #story #bear #native #nativestories #metis #metisstories

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 8: I think I'll call her Vengeance. - Adam

So tonight went well. We didn't have to go to tribal council and Nahte voted out the person I, literally, did not want to meet up with if we swapped again or merged. I don't know Cole, so maybe he's a decent guy, but I've seen and heard some things that were uglie that I just didn't want to deal with. But anyways. This fucking challenge. Honestly, it's like demon music. It's like Satan himself threw up into my ears. UGH.

I know what you're thinking. Adam crushed another redemption challenge? That means it's time for whiny McBitchersons 3 right? Wrong, this episode has been cut short to make room for this heartfelt speech about my love for Andreas: Andreas, Love is like a flower, It only blooms when you're both on redemption and you keep winning together and staying alive and being the only person I talk to right now. And I know I never tell you truthfully how well I'm doing in the challenge but that's only because it's a stupid thing to ask and I'm of course going to lie because although I want you to stay alive too I still want you to only be second best because if for some reason one of the other bitches ever did better than us I still want to stay alive. I had a dream, that one day we would both emerge from the island together, and return to the game we were so wrongfully terminated from. But sometimes you have to wake up from the dream, and realize it's only me or you. And I'm glad it's either one of us, because none of these other weak ass hoes who came to redemption ever deserved it. Like check out these lame fucking scores they all gave. It's like they hardly even tried. The ones that actually tried that is! How many people just straight up quit when they get to redemption? I seen two so far and that shit is funny, it's like you ain't even want it at all! Must be scared or just feelin shitty about being voted out. But bitch we all feel shitty after being voted out! You gotta harness that fury and channel it into your redemption challenges. I'm getting a little off track here, but the point was Andreas is my dude, and while I won't really swear to avenge you because I'm pretty sure the people who voted you out are the friends that I was voted out for having, so it's like if I ever get back I probably won't have much of a choice of who to work with, BUT if given the opportunity I will do right by you, because your chill and friendly and it seems like they did you wrong. So, if I win cool, if you win whatever, that sucks for me but better than someone like Cole winning redemption after just being voted out, cuz this challenge really is anyone's game. So good luck dude. I'm rootin for us

I hate this challenge. There is no way I'm going to be able to discern anything. I know that whoever wins that most useful will probably go the isle. So like I can't wait to get voted out.

This challenge sucks! It is so hard to hear all the different songs. Right now my tribe is very quiet. I hope we have a swap soon so I can have a more active tribe, I haven't talked to anyone one on one in DAYS. Except Drew, he's the only one who seems to make any kind of effort. I'm pretty sure that Regan and Charlotte are aligned but are not saying anything. Why else would they keep trying to be the ones to go to Jordan Island? It is suspicious all right! Lets hope we win immunity so I can do no work for another day :-)

At this point I'm not sure if I'll win. I have a feeling my time is running out. I'm gonna have to do some wicked talking to Adam and see if I can convince him to fall on the sword for me lmao. Doubt it'll happen but you never know. If I can't, then Im gonna give him my idol in the hopes that he can actually do something with it. I'm kind of scared. Redemption Island has always been so good to me... plz dont fuck me over

I feel like I confess too much and I'm going to cringe when I read them back once the season is over. We're about 21 minutes away from the challenge deadline and I just don't know what's going to happen. I think we relied way too heavily on Shazam, but the other tribes are probably going to do the same thing. It's basically going to come down to luck on this one, I think... and who has the more wrong answers to deduct points. Also if Situations isn't that emo song at the beginning, I'm quitting the game right here, right now. No joke. 

GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE I FORGOT KAREN WAS EVEN ON THIS TRIBE SINCE SHE CONTRIBUTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?? WHAT A FUCKING MOOD.

Okay so update. Adam told me that he has 12 songs and I have 17 and we are waiting for results and IM GOING TO PUKE IM SO NERVOUS FUCK

(this is meant for last round oops, put it in there if u can) im so fucking pissed off bc of this damn tribe, i am so done w them like really? THREE people threw, apparently bc i wasnt able to submit like thats a shitty excuse just say u want me out or that u want ur ass to be immune and get idols i cant wait for the one round that despite them throwing, me david and ryan get good enough scores to win and one of us ends up immune i hope cole’s ass gets kicked on redemption and emma can choke too AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA When! Will! This! Neverending! Marathon! Of! Tribal! Councils! End!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LczLqQWCihg&feature=youtu.be https://youtu.be/qmpGefnZ0RQ TO TOP THIS ALL OFF I WANT TO KEEP EMMA AND LILY DOESNT AND ITS DOWN TO THE FOUR OF US AND IDK WHAT IM GOING TO DO EMMA WHY ARE U SO FUCKING USELESS WWHYHGUIJYHFILUWYSHDFILCKEWHSFLCAWEVC9OIWAREUHRWLSD,U]

I think I'll call her Vengeance. Winning this redemption was bitter sweet. Cuz Andreas was the sweet but I'm still bitter. A lot of good came out of this though, I'll make sure of it. Cuz God has a plan and I intend to implement it. You know I was just being friendly at the beginning for fun. You know we're stuck on this island for the same reason, and it's nice to have someone to discuss the game with. But we just kept winning together! Did you know he's the king of redemption? I had no idea. Apparently the dude won like a ton on 3 different seasons. But what's a king to a God ;) It's sad when you really do the math. Because before it was over he told me he got 17, and I only had 12 so I told him you deserve it. I still had hope, because I had faith in my answers so maybe he had made some mistakes, and if he got 3 wrong I won. Turns out he got 4, so if he had just not even guessed those, he would've still had 13 and won. But oh well. We were talking before about it, because he said he wanted to give it to me if he's leaving cuz otherwise it's null. Chrissa gave it to him, cuz she knew she wouldn't win but girl didn't even try. 2000 points? Pathetic. I mean we totally blew it out of the water but still. Anyway we asked to do results earlier at like 9:30 and Jordan took a bit to process the scores and he told us it was 12-9. And well, I think you know whose was whose. It was kinda funny, cuz he yelled MY IDOL!!! and I was like Quick throw it to me!!! It would have been cute if he did an *action* but I guess he's not about that. But anyway I lied before cuz as we said goodbye I asked him if there was anyone he wanted me to murder for him. It felt like the right thing to do. He told me again that Ari really did him dirty. I was hoping he'd say her cuz if he had said like Ryan or Jess her allies I would've had to straight up lie, but Ari I can work with. Idk if they'll not vote me out or not but I don't really have allies going back in anyway. I'm just gonna wing it. So now I've done whatever the blunt equivalent of pouring one out for him is, and I had Jordan find me a picture of my idol to gaze upon, and it's this cute little crab necklace. And I'm just thinking, I think I'll call her Vengeance. 

Alright, so. Tribal's happening soon, and while I am hoping it all works out, a part of me is kinda worried. I know David Robb isn't gonna be going, that's for sure... But I WAS a target, and have been for a little while. Sure, Cole is gone, but Emma might still turn the others against me. I think it's the most logical move, though, because as I said to David earlier... [11:12:07 AM] Lily Owen: So, tbh, here’s my hot take on this [11:12:12 AM] Lily Owen: Emma didn’t contribute [11:12:18 AM] Lily Owen: She threw last round [11:12:22 AM] Lily Owen: Do I need to say it

[the-firebird69]

So Garth tricked these ladies to get in the way with their car and to threaten try to look like the hero almost got run over cuz they knew what he was doing and they're going after him now and they're going to hit him again and Trump is on TV with this fat ugly face bothering people so we're going to start taking action on you freaking completely losers your game is going on hitting you each other and we're going to do it for you and false flag and living crap out of your useless asses

-we have movement on several items one of them is Trump's being evicted from the apartment area as well as Dave and they'll have to leave they only have one house it's across the street and other tenants don't like them. Like BG. We're going to come down on them like a truck full of bricks and flatten them f****** faces no right now paperwork is getting there and from overseas. Bja is not holding them or forcing them to do anything but it looks it maybe. And yeah they came here yesterday and said this he thinks we're in a lot of trouble and he can't do anything and he's in trouble all the time people give you asking for help and keeps telling him what he expect me to do I'm here alone you f****** fruit so he saw David a few times and he was doing too much and I saw other people messing around with him Non-Stop. David saw it he said that's too much and it is it's ridiculous I said I keep doing it and doing it someone's going to get killed in his mad it should be it's abuse I know there's a lot of it and they're doing it to him trying to provoke him and finally they did so he says I'm going to take our hardware back and take the island and my wife will have her dream. And it's working she said. And they're doing stuff

-there's a lot of stuff happened here and it's very bad and more luck are getting chewed up very bad they are diminishing in this area rapidly and it's not the clones it's the pseudo empire and they hate them and they really should there's tons of reasons they're going after them pretty good and they're pulling them out of positions then today we heard that they're fired from about 20 positions and that's a lot and it's position site State Assembly and federal assembly they're going to fire the representatives it's an addition to those who died because they were Representatives and usually it causes them to run out there and try and fight them. They have about 10 picked up of Florida and there are a few here in Port Charlotte and punta Gorda and out of those 10 there's two and they said ridiculous you can't do that and they said we took your seats in Florida there's about 70 seats and the pseudo empire took 30 they're taking 10 by force and they lost 10 recently due to combat so they will have 50 seats versus 20 and you better bet they're going to change your stupid laws immediately

-there's a few other things they can't stand you and they're causing you a lot of pain on purpose and we do respect that they need to and we're going to cause you a lot of pain especially John remillard you just got to die there's only four Federal representatives from Florida and they're getting rid of support for those Representatives and more shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[astralworld-blog1]

Donald Marshall: ATTENTION:If you are a HUMAN you must read this, it contains knowledge of VRILL the reptilian shape shifters people talk about, there has never been a more comprehensive and informative expose of their appearance ecology and behavior ever before. David Icke is NOT going to tell you about them, this is your one chance to know about the lizards do not squander this opportunity. This is a major time in earth’s history my friends and the importance is astronomical, go to the page on the link provided below, this is crucial to the SURVIVAL of our SPECIES.THIS IS the most important time of your lives, you must read all relevant posts in here including older posts, the most important and interesting information you will ever see... no one else is going to tell you about Vrill but me. If you disregard these facts you doom the human race to becoming drones and allowing people to continue to sacrifice children and adults to these "demons" It is absolutely crucial to the survival of our species that these things be eradicated from our planet. Copy all pertinent facts and keep them for posterity show others, the only thing that will stop this is getting this information to the populace... I have no agenda but to share the truth with the world as I'm going to die from heart failure due to clone torture. Read all of my posts especially older posts and all corroborating info. This will be your only chance to save our race and world from Vrill. You have been warned. Illuminati want to sear the surface of the Earth to avoid persecution and they live comfortably in underground dumbs bases for the rest of their lives, cloning people at leisure messing with them in odd ways for fun...there are also other problems..the human hosts don't want to be killed... they want to be sent to an island to live out the remainder of the hosts bod...but no country wants to pay for it...droned hosts threaten violence if backed into a corner AND the dead consciousnesses on microchip put into a victims body.. bodysnatching them that way, they don't want to be shut down,... and THEY ALSO want to be segregated on an island BUT they don't want to live on the same island as the lizard hosts... politics lol .. I say kill all the lizards and the human hosts they made and shut down all the evil reanimated dead freaksin clones and stolen bodies... problem solved. easy breezy.. droned hosts are bad enough but dead reanimated people come back a shadow of their former selves... its a technology flaw they cant fix it, they're almost as bad as pet cemetery, it's why they need handlers. one track mind, insulted easily, dumber, jealous of how your alive and normal and this dead guy gotta walk around dumb and weird.....almost zombies... but they try to act normal and don't rot....richest dead people in the world did this,... and they aren't about to have anyone shut down the chip that makes them continue to exist. Do not believe that morph from human to lizard shit or the slitted eyes stuff,... they put that out there to throw people off the truth. Without a CT scan or MRI of the brain or a possible blood test method the ONLY way to tell externally is "sometimes" the eye that gets the proboscis in it swells out further than the other... and how stupid they are, but some regular humans are stupid too so you cant go with that. Trust in a stranger for once in your life, n just read the wall lol I don’t get paid for this, just trying to do the right thing... like the Avatar movie... during R.E.M driven mark 2 cloning... they give up the ability to have dreams or nightmares and go walk and talk in D.U.M.B's as clones... its how the Illuminati communicate in secret. Song I made for Brittany Spears called Break the ice... she made the video idea, its a Japanese animation of her getting into a cloning center and blowing it up... this is what the clone growing tubes actually look like.. it's a fantasy of hers (Britney spears)... she hates the place,... but basically "sold her soul" for life in exchange for fame and fortune... now shes cloned into the place every REM stage to be used, and regrets it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQFIKP9rGh oh btw all,... my ex family are almost all freemasons, a large faction of the illuminuts, and if you read my wall you will know the 33rd degree of freemason knowledge, which is also the highest scientologist knowledge. FREE 3 different types of Vrill have basic pic representations of types 1 and 3 type one... theyre small... they've been depicted in gremlins critters and many more type 3, young one, depicted in the movie Star wars "Attack of the clones" when they get old the neck shortens and they get all wrinkly and look like Pumpkinhead from the movie pumpkinhead. they are very real and live DEEP underground... they are "parasitic" lizards. and have a unique biological property of their bodies that allows them to stick a brain proboscis into another animals eye, preferably a humans and bodysnatch them making them a human host, they mimic human behavior and are already all over the place... thats the shapeshift... no morphing to it at all,.. its a biological transfer, the old lizard body dies and they just become you... there is no reversing the process... an old name for them was mimic, they have many names, they take over celebs all the time. the illuminati use them to replace people. it is widespread. Most of the most heinous crimes in the world are done by drones... thats what they call human hosts,... drones and the only way to detect them besides the change in behavior is by either CT scan or MRI to see the brain damage from the droning process. there’s no mystical magic or morphing... its all biological parasitic cellular transfer. all set up... same eyes as you or me... sometimes the eye will pop out more than the other but not always... the proboscis going in sometimes causes swelling behing the eye. sometimes the brain swells on the one side too causing this... same reason Nicholas Cage recently did a movie with a bullet wound to his eye for almost the entire length of the movie, because his eye is swelled out so bad from it. they do that on purpose with camera tricks,... they're very arrogant about it and think they will never be discovered. proboscis in the eye... there's a lot of drones in the world... come read my public wall you'll know... no need to even join the friends list, wall is public. Just read have to, they're all scared to, I always felt that they "wanted" me to tell about them, like a murderer kinda hints at they're crimes thing, but they're pretty pissed now because I didn't sugarcoat stuff lol its pretty vast.....is kinda a matrix. lol bunch of celebs thought it was another dimension... 5th 7th astral plane..just cloning, or cloning on different drugs pre injected into your clone before activation there. When ppl have a popped out eye it could just be natural, some people are not symmetrical,... but with them it is either from the lizards proboscis or the microchip pushed into the brain behind the eye. they say they've had some plastic surgery or have used strange facial peel solutions in expensive salons. But it's because they're remade. different ways too,... they can literally get dna from someone from from the past and remake them, the consciousness has fled long ago but the newly made baby grows up looking the same and has a different upbringing and environment and is like an entirely separate person... these clones are permanent and no way to tell the difference from a normal person. Sometimes they're brains are chipped and taken over too or droned. that's replication cloning (from a baby) not duplication cloning (fully formed adult copy) duplicate clones have to be remade from time to time, they get rashy and growths and the brain degrades,... they just re-clone. Sometimes come back looking different. slightly complicating but you get the idea. know Pharoah Tutankamun looked like? King Tut? Vrill really liked him. Its Little Wayne didnt wanna get into that until Phase 4, but I thought I'd throw that out there, cuz I hate "Wayne" bad. Made almost all his songs. I know, it's pretty whacked... theres a buncha Pharoes around... Vrill liked pharoes a lot. Could be bs,... that's what they told me years and years ago though while making him tunes when they thought I was a friend to them. use people from the past like that because their faces inspired loyalty and awe in armies and populaces in the past. So they figure it'll work again for show business or something. Donald Marshall November 18, 2012 at 12:53pm Cloning center When they rape a child they feel as if they've achieved a victory somehow over someone,..(the child) and get. A sense of power from it, knowing that they won't be caught for it because it will be covered up... Some of them go on drugs and kill the child afterwards because its some caveman thing,... Get rid of the evidence, sense of power not getting caught for childrape murder... Also... When a Vrill lizard drones someone making the human it;s host, sometimes the penis ceases to develop from that point... And the drone is stuck with 12 year old junk for life... And say they need to as the parts fit... And drones are naturally predisposed to molesting children,... Its very wierd. Mostly it's just some of these losers are fat ugly and would have a difficult time getting a prostitute to agree being that old ugly and retarded... Also they don't want to. Pay for it,... They want to feel like they've done something wrong and got away with it... And kids cant fight back and are scared more easily. Also sometimes the molester was molested themselves as a child by their own parents... And they keep the "tradition" going to make themselves believe it's just a normal part of life... Their parents weren't perverts lol they were just normal, its a normal lifestyle lol. Some families add religion to the mix to make it look as if they HAVE to molest their children in a religious secret tradition... Germans call it Frauderlaine, or something similar... Keeps the cycle going... At the zone...Theyre blabbin at me like I'm the diddler police,... As clones out there... Why can't I have sex with my son or daughter Donny? My child is my personal property and no one can tell me what I can and can't do with my own child if I want to ((they say))). So I told them it's gross this n that and they act all insulted and attack,... Then new clone, back to the monotonous absurd talking... If I stay silent they just attack...saying "dont ignore us Donny, don't ignore us!". Fat old man bald ugly as hell flailing his arms on my face while my clone is paralyzed in the dirt of the arena... I said why are you asking me?... They just have nothing to do or say out there.... Its basically a child molester factory, they keep the premise of oh Donny is going to get us all to have something to talk about besides assembly line child molesting... BECAUSE as clones at first its interesting, turn your pain sensors off and get your arm chopped off and no pain, staring at the stump whoah thats gross, They jump off of heights clone dies and they transfer into the next clone and theyre like whoah thats neat... Swordfight and dont die, occasional clone sex with a celebrity that just doesnt care, it loses the novelty after a very short time... AND then theres the child molesting... And the senior citizens there that KNOW no one wants to have sex with them,... So they spend most of their time there trying to look powerful scary deadly and scare children into never saying no... People pretend they are hostages out there... Parents... So their kids wont think theyre just perverts... And the parents can secretly trade their kids around for other kids from other people there,... Grossest stuff you've ever seen or heard of ever... The league of incredible losers. Incredibly yuck. Worse than you can imagine... And they all sit around and watch these encounters from the stands,... Like theatre... Molestation theatre, pain theatre, death theatre... They all try to act unified. LOL. They don't even hang with each other in real life, too embarrassed of their behavior there and ashamed lol, but there while clones they all act like they're friends... And they're in power club together, theyre "powerful" hyuck. It is that degree of loserdom and worse... Every once in a while a kid will be defiant and say he or she doesn't want to engage in the repulsive stuff... Other kids agree, it's almost a mini mutiny at the cloning center... So while some ids are memory repressed about the clone center times, people like Elizabeth and Charles get the kid killed in some way... And then say at the cloning center, "look what happened to him". Then the kids don't say anything out of fear, sometimes they show the kids murder on video to scare the kids there into compliance. Sometimes someone will say they don't want to participate or doesn't want their daughter or son messed with and they want out,... Others agree,... They will start to degrade the ringleaders life in any way possible to discourage others from talking that way... Bring him back for private mental manipulation therapy as clones... Weasel into his and his wife's life in any way possible, get them fired, Impersonate them as clones to the rest of their family members and turn them against them in dramatic ways. Get them fired from their jobs, and privately will continue to bring the kid there and mess that kid up bad, causing the kid to act erratic in real body and not know why (memory suppressed about clone time) Give them childrens aid trouble if possible, anything and everything, and they videotape what they do,... And show others there, look this guy wanted out.... Then Elizabeth says in an official voice, we are worse than the Italian mafia and you don't leave the Italian mafia... Its the goofiest thing. But every once in a while they feel the need to make a new example of someone... When people talk about it they get killed or rendered mentally disabled remotely... I'm amazed I'm still alive actually. They make people see hologram like images as clones... Using mk ultra visual effects, same as inception movie basically... Most of the time the people think they're just dreaming or think they were original body when they saw it, didn't even know they were clones,... they play a lot of tricks on peoples minds... They tell some people that the cloning center is the astral plane, 5th dimension Nirvana plane Shang ri la, lotsa different stuff, a lot don't even know theyre IN a clone, they think theyre in another dimension and in real body... Or time stutter or singularity lol, they tell different people different stuff. Illuminati = league of extraordinary child molesters... So much happening at the cloning center now and things said it would be a long time relating it all... bunch of people want to leave, but don't want to lose their jobs or be mentally manipulated for the insult of leaving... only people that want to keep the place going are old ugly fat people, the mentally handicapped massively inbred people and the scuzziest perverts... most want out... old rich people threatening and scaring people there into compliance... it is quite the scene. ALIENS,... Deep underground but still aliens. They're at the cloning center aaand in real life, In deep bases and deeper underground too. They have colonies deep deep underground. Theyre all bad... Carnivores. It's in the middle of forested area (cloning center) I've been outside it a few times when there as a clone and there's no sign of civilization, must be wildlife preserve or something, 95% of the people cloned into there don't even know where it is, just the high ups know the locations... There are cloning centers in most deep bases though, and their locations are publicized, Dulce base, Area 51, Montauk base,... Lots. It's within 5 hours drive by car from the Pickton farm where all the prostitutes were murdered and fed to the pigs... The video of the murders were brought to the cloning center by car... Took 5 hours to drive them there... I dunno where the above ground one is, or I would have gone there by now... In western Canada... Most that go there though dont even know where it is,... They just have clones stored on site and have them activated sometimes... Location is way secret. Within 5 hours drive from the pickton farm in any direction from the farm it could be. Well they’re like me,... Real right now,... But when they enter REM stage of sleep they have clones of themselves activated at one of the cloning centers,... And sure they're dumber as clones while clones, they do whacky stuff, BUT then they wake up and recall the previous nights happenings and what they did, and they still go back and do it again... They thought they'd never get caught and were trapped so when in Rome, do as the Romans do. They all tried to show off for each other, oh look how evil I am, oh you think that's evil? Look at this... Clones are even more emotional than normal people... Different kinds of clones too... They definitely understand what is going on though. Most just go with the evil way... Being raised on wealth and privilege makes mean people I find. They can clone pets. But there’s 2 different ways to clone too,... There’s cloning from a baby up (replication cloning) and making fully formed adult bodies of you duplicates (duplication cloning). Its the duplication one that I'm having the problem with... Rem driven duplicates... It sux. Um,... there's aliens, help. just as the musicians hint at help, like K-os and his Crabbuckkt video... www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtSzpKiARrI like Britney and her break the ice video... or like gaga putting satanic and Illuminatti symbolism in her videos, and when people actually do come out like Tila Tequila and say help me the queen eats children and people are being turned into drones help me they're hurting me in another dimension then has an aneurysm, people just said she was crazy,... people are stupid. I'm the last person with the courage to speak as I'm dying anyway from heart damage due to clone torture, if you do not heed my warnings before haarp installations are completed you will all be slaves. Now you know the Secret of Vrill, do not be deceived by what they are going to try... Saucers are man made and "greys" are not from space, they are from deep underground... they are troglodytes... parasitic lizards. They are malevolent.

[suzyqrara]

12/27/2019

We came back from vacation and I feel uneasy.  I can write all about how sad I feel and how negative I am feeling but I don’t think that will help.  I do feel uneasy right now.  I feel uneasy about my life, my family.  I know that is common for people to have bad vacations…it’s not just my family.  But I feel bad that my mom spent the money on it and it turned out to be no fun for anyone.  I miss my dad tonight.  He is so old and he is just waiting on retirement but he has 2 wait 2 more years. I’m nervous he will die soon. Just randomly because of his heart. I am so tired of me waking up at 3 am and having to deal with these emotions by myself.  I deserve to know what it's like to be loved but I’m not getting it this lifetime.   My life can't for some reason go forward.  I am stuck. I m very blessed with Mason because he is the only thing that changed about my life since I've been alive. But I know it stems from me not moving out.  My mom is very over Mason.  She started putting this ugly image of him like he is a manipulator and blah blah. She told me it would be best for us to move out soon.  She told me she feels one day she will completely stop loving him and that was hurtful.  I understand her.  She did not expect her daughter to be such a loser and still living with her. Things would have been different if I didn’t have Mason but I am so thankful for Mason.  To have him is a blessing and because of him, I feel love.  My family is weird.  We are small. We don’t get along… We are strangers with the same DNA.  We never have fun when placed in a room with one another.  Noone is having babies…Noone is having weddings,  No celebrations, a boring family.  Nothing changing.  The way we were 20 years ago is exactly how we are now except we are older.  The only thing different is my sister has a boyfriend which  I never thought would happen and I have a son.  Maybe I should be thankful for at least those changes.  The perfect fam for me would be my dad remarrying into a loving marriage, living his last moments with someone who is carrying for him.  My mother dating or being remarried as well. My brother has a family, so I can have nieces and nephews. My sister having a stable life with a job and doing something to invest in her future without parents.  Our family is such a dead end.  Noone can find anyone to have families with.  Everyone will most likely die alone.  I cant see my dad being with anyone.  He’s been single for so long and he isn’t social.  I feel he will die alone.  I have no clue about my brother, he is a stranger to me.  Don’t know anything about him.  It's weird to say he is my brother. IDK why he doesn’t like me. But he is weird too.  I remember he was cursing out my dad one day.  He got irritated very quickly and was very rude to my dad.  He has problems I'm sure.  Even though my family has been blessed with a trauma less existence, meaning no drug/alcohol abuse, no prolong illnesses, no deaths, and no drama.  We are all a little socially awkward and have a mental illness.  My mom, I think she is normal for the most part but she feels trapped in her life since I am still living with her.  So she's not happy which leads to her psychotic states.  I'm somewhat normal as well Im just in a funk because I am not where I want to be as an almost 31-year-old.  My dad, sister and brother all have mental illnesses. But I know a lot of people have it.  My family is not the only one.  I just wish I had a better example to show mason about what a family is. A mentally stable family and family that has a strong foundation.  Being on the vacation with my mom made me feel like I am not raising Mason well.  He was very disrespectful the whole vacation and had many tantrums.  My mom's negative comments and the fact that the experience went sour made me feel like Mason is not being raised good enough, where before he was. He seemed normal.  No mental issues.  But during the vacation, he reminded me of Ellen.  I caught myself saying, “What did I do to deserve an “Ellen” I don’t want to raise and “Ellen.” I said that about my baby Mason and it made me feel very sad.  I don’t care if Mason is an Ellen, he is my MASON.  He is my sweet baby boy and he deserves so much love.  I think I felt like that because I was disappointed that my mom can't even love her grandbaby.  For a second I thought I did something wrong with raising him because he is unlovable to my mom.  But I know that my mom has her psychotic flare-ups because of the fact we are always at her house.  She has no freedom to do whatever she wants to do.  The vacation was very stressful and she had a psychotic flare-up.  I'm sure she loves Mason…he is very lovable.  He came home and he was fine.  He was happy again and respectful.  I had to put him into time out a few times but he was able to sit through it and act better.  He was acting like that because he was sic and I made the mistake of telling him Santa left presents in our house for him when we return.  All he thought about were those presents.  I asked ellen to take a picture of the presents just so he had something to look forward to but it completely directed his behavior.  He wanted to go home and didn’t want to enjoy the trip it seemed.  My mom made it seem like he did it on purpose but he didn’t. He just wanted to go home to the presents.  I think he was too young for Disney.  He didn’t appreciate it like my mom thought he would have and she got upset.  It was a very expensive trip.  I wish I could give her half of the money back but…I don’t have money.  In my heart I know when I leave this house, she will become healthier in the head.

I have a job that allows me to move out.  But the act of moving out I don’t have the money for it.  I need 1 ½ rent. That’s 1700.  I need money for movers. 2000. Furniture I can be ok with what I have for a few months. But where will I get 2000?  I cant even get a second job because I have no one to watch Mason. That’s what I am saying I shouldn’t waste my money on Anisha’s bachelorette party.  I need to focus on moving out. That is more important then going to an island to celebrate her last night single. I have an excuse.  I showed her I went to the hospital.  I can tell her I am now backed up in debt and I need to focus on that.  This way I save $700 and it can go towards the movers.

I will need to register Mason to the new school district which will be easy cuz I can do it while I'm working.  I didn’t want Mason to move during the school year.  I wanted him to wait until this school year was over because he will miss all of his friends. But sometimes life happens and we have to move. I need to pretend mom is a landlord who has already sold my room.  But then I was thinking we can rent an apartment in Middlesex so he can finish school in Middlesex.  But that is a waste of money.  I can ask Haydee to take Mason to school.  I really don’t want him to move during the school year.  But I have too.  Imagine I just got a job transfer…I would need to move asap disregarding masons feelings towards it. I feel Anisha won't befriend if I miss her bachelorette party but I if I end up getting charged for the vacation hospital visits…what can I do?  That 700 can go to something more important like moving my shit to a new place. I could get a new credit card and put that trip on there?  How I will pay for it..income tax season…I can use income tax to pay off the movers as well. I have $4000 in my credit card so it is doable…ok I will go and I will charger movers and the trip to the card.  During tax season I will put a large sum of the payment in there. I will ask my dad for $1000 and pay him off little by little.  But that’s not fair because its his money.  Now I m trying to figure out how I will pay for 1 ½ month deposit.  I will need to save. My mom will give me some time.  2 months max.  so I will have to save. IDK how I will do that with having to pay off my citi card from the vacation