#I need to eat him like yesterday
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how am I supposed to support trans people if they name themselves donald
#he makes body fat studies SO fun#I need to eat him like yesterday#my donnie design I’m holding him like a wounded bird#brain rotation#donald pierce#xmen#logan 2017#boyd holbrook#my posts#my art
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Do you think 8 years was originally the best amount of time they could make the suit? Or did they give Katsuki a prognosis of like 10+ years before a suit could be ready to replicate Dekus powers? And then, to these prodigy scientists, these experts in the support gear technology, these best of the best, katsuki said:
No, not good enough. MAKE IT FASTER.
And then threw every spare yen he could possibly afford at them.
#i one hundred percetn think this happened#like they tell him with funding at x amount we can have it in 10 years#katsuki just fucking doubles his contribution#writes out a check right there#MAKE IT FASTER#TEN YEARS AINT GOOD ENOUGH#I NEED DEKU OUT IN THE FIELD WITH ME YESTERDAY#bakudeku#bkdk#post epilogue bkdk#he cancels his purchase of the one piece of furniture he was getting for his apartment#there is so much joke material here#bakugou katsuki#katsukis grown adult pantry is full of top ramen#/jk he would still eat healthy
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I'll have these moments where I am calm, collected, and feel like I can, in fact, complete all of the tasks I've set out for myself, and then I'll get home and completely lose all that motivation.
#I'm not sure why that is though ... is it the chores? being around other people? the clutter?#I am going to go home and work on cleaning up a bit of my room though ... that's my plan#also I need to pick out a dinner to make next week--and also maybe we'll watch the show we missed yesterday#and give Plushcliff a kissie#I have some things I want to do but maybe I should focus on improving my personal space (my room) first ...#I actually started eating an apple every day and that has helped a lot--crazy how fruits and veggies improve mental health /lh#and if you get this far ... the funniest thing is I used to HATE apples#absolutely loathed them#and then I headcanoned that Heathcliff cuts up fruit (I wrote about it a lot in an unreleased fic I was writing for myself)#and I decided he really likes apples for some reason ... so recently I actually ate an entire serving of an apple dessert I HATED#and was just steaming internally because THIS FICTIONAL MAN HAS ME EATING A FRUIT I HATE#AND I LIKE IT#AND IT'S MAKING ME HAPPY#HOW *DARE* HE#/lh /lh#I don't talk a lot about how he helps me but maybe I should ... he's made food a lot easier for me#ALSO I have opinions about him and food that are very special to me#I just get shy because. Heathcliff is the character I project onto the most and I see him having a lot of the struggles I do#in things like food and stuff--also my opinions on his gender/orientation would get me flamed /lh /lh#well. that may just be my past experiences talking. just know those areas are very important to me when it comes to him#anyway!!#got very rambly near the end of this ... eat fruit okay? it'll help you#scattered pages
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”
(Rant in tags)
#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah#but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way#he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod#qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right#after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like#my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit#I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we#get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that#stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my#brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a#reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I’m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period#is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet#it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps#random0lover rambling ♡
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not me just minding my own business, catching up on gmm and then i get a ad with mattmac in it, like um, hello tom wambs, how are you? imaooooooo
#it was such a jumpscare likeeeeee#is this bc i need to get the new my heart! chapter out?#like okay thanks for the reminder i guess imaooo#i’m just sat here trying to eat dinner#i’m planning on trying to get some editing done tonight#and maybeeeee hopefullyyy it’ll be out within the next couple days?#like maybe before the weekend if i can get into the flow#at least by like monday tho#also it’s funny bc the gmm ep was watching was yesterday’s good or bad foods one#where they’re an angel and a devil#and as always my mind drifted to tomgreg#mainly bc i was like i gotta eat dinner then i gotta get to work#and then i was like ‘i’ve seen art of tomgreg dressed like this (angel/devil)#and then i almost immediately got the mattmac ad#i summoned him#imaoooooooooooo#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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traitor to the cause forgets national holiday every year KILL HIM
#just realized i wrote may instead of marsh lmao. fuck it#trans day of visibility#trans day of eating food#tdov#tdov 2024#transgender day of visibility#trans#transgender#lgbt#gay#my art#another year eh#still in pretransition purgatory (get me tf out!!!)#idk man past year's been bad. last time i showered was july i'm goin 9 months strong 9 months weak 9 months decrepit#i manage to go through the motions with not much else in the way of progress. eat sleap shit piss rinse reuse recycle#trans day of eating food is shaky too this year. just found out yesterday i can't eat a snack anymore that i've liked since i was a kid#discovered a new love for green beans though. everything in balance#with my living situation getting more unsafe i've been thinking a lot about asking my neighbor if i can stay with him and his family#cause i don't like... see people other than them anymore so i don't know anyone else i can ask lol#and maybe i can get my shit together and start transitioning if i get out..... it's the least i need to do anyways#at least i gotta ask if he would be willing to oversee my funeral in the event of it cause i do nnnnot trust my next of kin with that shit#go watch youtube “Protecting Trans Bodies in Death” by Caitlin Doughty. contains important info for anyone really but#especially so for the titular transengendered individual#write your will... OK?#it doesn't have to be a bummer do it with a friend make it a girls night boys night hotties sleepover#death mention cw#wish i had more to say on the topic this year that wasn't a downer. i'll see what the next year holds#and hey... if a guy like me isn't giving up a motherfucker like you sure as hell shouldn't... adios & bon voyage my compatriots. SALUTE
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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I had a vivid dream that I flew to some random theater to watch the new episode premiere already, though in reality there aren't even showtimes listed yet on the theater websites. I was one of the first people seated in that classroom-style theater too.
Like, because it was a dream there were of course elements of the episode itself that made me go "what??? Why did Ufotable change it so much???" but also "weeee, new content, this is exciting!" but mostly it was me after the premiere being like, "So I know I just hopped on a plane somewhere to come watch this because of course I would, but I don’t actually know where I am. Hmm. Am I on Shikoku?"
Priorities.
Clearly I am excited to get a new anime episode soon.
#it was like a redo of the last one#instead of an upper moon meeting Douma informed Daki and Gyutaro that they were fired#they were tiny children but instead of Ume it was chibi-Daki and Gyutaro was an alternate version of Gyutaro#who never caught an STD when he was born so he looked totally different#but still recognizably Gyutaro just a healthier version#and then we cut to Tanjiro who was actually a modern boy with a big family who fantasized about being a demon slayer#which was a shock but it got me looking around all the background and photos of their house for clues#and I spotted a photo of Mt. Tengu (also in Shikoku) and was like#oh is that where Tanjiro will get his real life training from Urokodaki?#so now that I am awake I am also like#OH YEAH#Ufotable Cinema is also located in Shikoku#i need to visit Tokushima someday#Mt. Tengu was on the brain only because I saw a photo of it again yesterday on a website I was checking#and I was in that photo#still I kind like that idea of Douma informing the children they're getting let go from the Upper Moons xDDD#he was so Douma about it too#Douma is always in character in my dreams#even that time I convinced him to eat a lemon to prove our friendship#today a shit post
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goooooood afternoon my darlings!!!
what are you all up to on this wonderful sunday? :3
#🌙 lily chats#I think I’m going to do a bit of shopping with Mr.lily#I wanna go to a big Asian supermarket in town and resupply#ya girl needs noodles#also guys I made a cake yesterday and it was so nice!!#it was a spiced olive oil cake#I think I might start baking one cake a week :3#I don’t like eating cake but I enjoy baking them!!#and my dad really likes to eat them n he was so appreciative of me baking for him
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i did NOT linger on ch402-405 long enough because as far as i can tell katsuki brought himself back right before all might was brought over by all for one, right? but with the distance, he wouldn't have seen them, nor did he have any sufficient means of closing such a distance THAT fast. so how did he know to go to the ledge and observe below?
either those on the field told him where izuku was, or he heard izuku scream for all might. or BOTH - which is more plausible, because yes, he can trust izuku will win, but with all might in danger and dragged toward ua by all for one, it put everything in jeopardy.
and so what do you mean katsuki bakugou, dynamight, symbol of victory, likely heard izuku's cry for help from below, and charged straight to him - trusted that he would be pointed in the right direction? what do you MEAN he probably heard the desperation in izuku's voice the moment he breathed life again, and his first thoughts were; izuku is in trouble. all might is in trouble.
katsuki didn't even give himself time to live again before he went into another life-or-death fight, because what follows is that he doesn't just save all might from all for one's clutches. he goes to end all for one so he'll never achieve his goal.
because those two people are the largest testament to the man he's become, and he'll defend them with his life - like he did before.
i am unwell.
#💥 ⸍ i. out.#💥 ⸍ ii. headcanon.#bnha spoilers /#bnha manga spoilers /#long post /#/ ok big ramble in tags#/ like. do you think i.zuku believed that everything will be okay the moment he saw k.atsuki standing on the edge of ua?#/ do you think that he saw his symbol of victory freshly arisen like a phoenix from ashes and felt at ease knowing he'd win?#/ because i can guarantee that k.atsuki - if he heard i.zuku as soon as he was alive - knew EXACTLY what he had to do.#/ he was always going to throw himself down to i.zuku and take his hand and trust that he was going to be where he had to be.#/ he was always going to believe that i.zuku could win his fight without him. and that meant he could save their mentor from death.#/ the fact that k.atsuki brought HIMSELF back which means he nearly bound himself to the afterlife but didn't .............#/ he was satisfied with his death and yet he knew there was more he had to do - not necessarily for himself but for others#/ i mentioned this to bella yesterday but it was like taking the fruit of the underworld and holding it in his hands. ready to eat.#/ but then something stops him from sinking his teeth into its flesh. something that tells him he still needs to return.#/ like he KNEW that there was more he had to do in life first. that his sacrifice was - somehow - not the end for him yet.#/ and they may not have fought side by side in the war n they might not have interacted much since it began. but their trust?#/ tho everything's gone wrong they trust each other to make it right#/ one of these days y'all will be sick of me preaching abt their bond#/ but today pls let me have this i can think of nothing else
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was honestly SO scared the twice baked potatoes i spent hours prepping and freezing today were gonna suck and it was all gonna be a waste of time and milk and cheese and like 18 potatoes but i just tried some (only half frozen tho) and they were fine! hopefully they stay that way 🤞
#i wrapped them so good too!!! plastic wrap and foil on each of them and then in a ziploc freezer bag#so they should last the full 2 months#i ended up with 34?? stuffed halves it took foreverrr#basically at work the new cook wildly overestimated how many baked potatoes he needed to make for dinner yesterday#or maybe someone else prepped too many for him idk. either way by the end of the night nobody else wanted them! perfectly good#baked potatoes!! like 20 of em!!!!#so i took them all and ate 2 for dinner last night and scooped out all the rest of them#but this is huge for me bc i am so bad at making food for myself but i love potatoes and if theyre already prepped for me#ill actually be able to eat something for dinner some nights!
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annoyed with my roommate >:(
#B and I share pizzas but I need the pizzas more (safe food) and I buy most of them#so the rule is supposed to be that B keeps track of how many they eat vs how many I’ve bought and buys replacements#Ex: I bought 7 pizzas. B bought 3. B ate 5 pizzas; now B needs to buy 2 replacement pizzas.#this is a rule bc I have a lot of food restrictions and trauma around going hungry and B knows this. and B agreed to buy me replacements.#generally he’s been pretty good about it! but we were both leaving for trips this past weekend and I specifically asked him to replace#my pizzas bc I knew I was gonna be hungry when I got home#and he did not do that. so yesterday I ordered chipotle for dinner bc I could not go shopping bc energy GONE#and now I’m sitting here after class like >:( I wanted to eat lunch and now I can’t#I’ll go shopping after class today I’m just Annoyed. I’ve been spending a lot of money this week bc of trip and I can’t super afford to#order DoorDash or go shopping more than once a week. bc I am unemployed and living off of savings rn.#*screams*#and now I’m sitting here trying to find foods I can eat and reassure myself that it’s okay and I won’t starve#bc body is convinced that me being hungry means that I’m gonna be hungry for a long time#I’m gonna go make some popcorn. I ate the pumpkin brownies Beck gave me so that helps.#I wish I’d thought to ask Hobbs for the leftover pizza slices from Saturday night. ah well.#I’m safe and I will be able to buy groceries after class and I will eat dinner and I’m not in trouble for needing food#it’s okay
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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Aight, I’m gonna try eating a lot of less carbs in my diet. Which will be a big challenge. Specially because I drank a lot of alcohol through the week. And not like getting waisted, but just 2 glasses or something. Ima limit that now only in the weekend(carefully). See how it goes. More healthy fats, like fish and steak and egg.
#also no bread anymore lmao#i was so bloody hungry yesterday but I resisted the urge#also avoiding snacks#no more eating after dinner#i hope i can last#mistress blabbling#a friend if mine actually is in keto right now and omg it did wonders for him#but it’s a complete switch and not something i can pull off like that#but i wouldn’t need that either#it’s just that i wanna eat more healthy fats and just get rid a bit of some stuff lmao#steak is just so bloody good hmmmmmm#medium rare hmmmhmmm
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Everyone, meet the newest addition to my plushies. Isn’t he so cute? I love him.
What should I name him?
#plushies#today was a retail therapy day#after the day i had yesterday i was DETERMINED to have a good day today#when i saw him in the store i was like...fuck you're so cute i need you#but i didn't buy it right away#i told myself#if it was still there when i got back after shopping around and eating lunch and getting my steps in#i was going to buy him#and he was still there when i got back#so i bought him#best decision ever#he's so fucking cute
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