#I need to complete my English assignment and I am writing this instead

[rosehippiefield]

I love that no character is one-dimensional:

Sara is not goody two shoes protagonist with unwavering hope (I like Makoto it's not his slander I really promise I love kind guys), she has the highest chance of winning. It can't happen to ultimate cinammon roll. The balance between her caring side that wants to protect everybody and using charisma to her advantage is so tricky and yet it works (though I am a bit baffled at how she changes without Joe in AI simulations).

Joe is not only cheery cheesy best friend that dies just so you can cry about it (even if it's true as well). Joe is distrustful, he is scared and he kind of wants to escape with sacrifice card knowing what it entails. So he came up with a plan where good people being majority would live, and if not he can feel less guilt. Amazing idea! And we all know how he returns in second chapter. A sing of ungrounded guilt that doesn't correspond to reality whatsoever but can't be combated with logic alone. In best case scenario it is defeated with reminder of how real Joe behaved, showing how faulty our perception can get from trauma.

Keiji is not just sexy detective that supports Sara, oh no. This guy gets close to our heroine on purpose and I dare say kind of uses her for own gain. Then, his trauma doesn't equal all of his character nor it magically justifies killing Megumi, it simply explains his current actions. And of course I really want to believe that he is not some creep flirting with people in most suspicious way. He just needs excuse for evading akward questions. This man, deprived of sleep because of his sins, is both cunning and kind, capable of cruelty and striving to be like his idol.

Kanna and Gin are not annoying children that constantly need saving or exist to evoke sympathy. In Kanna's case sympathy is natural, but it is not the only thing going for her. Kanna is about giving a chance, letting go regrets, making thought-out sacrifice and when it fails moving on to make sure it doesn't have to happen. She develops constantly, bringing ideas to the table and trying to get all group stay united. Kanna makes conscious choice to spend time with Shin to get information, so while she can be manipulated it's not always the case and she's not all naїveness. Her arc of overcoming trauma and insecurity may seem familiar to characters from other media, but it is unique and distinctive.

Gin is autism representation without making him vilain or weird. He has some pecularities, for example, wearing animal-like clothes and repeating animal sounds, and yet nobody bats an eye, so surely he's no outcast or useless (on the contrary, he is quite useful remembering names in the bar, using scent, helping morally etc). Gin's the least morally gray of the cast, but it doesn't mean he is cardboard nice support kid either: he has his dislikes or his own thoughts (he is quite distrustful toward Kanna because he's younger and doesn't use age as justification for her actions).

Reko seems simple enough, a hot-tempered rock star, emo/punk lady many would like to date. Strict to the strong, kind to the weak. She had a lot of changing in the past and it continues here, she is becoming softer. But it's not her only trait: she's a talented singer that was interested purely in music and it's perfection. She ignored to some degree her happiness, her band, her beloved brother for the sake of art. She wasn't indifferent, but appeared as such. And now, finally having a better understanding of what's important and bright future ahead she ends up in a death game with Alice. Their plotline is prominent in second chapter and is devastatingly tragic.

Alice looks like comic relief with his exaggerated reactions and bizzare choice of words (personally I love this type of speaking it's cool). But he is actually not only a scaredy cat: he is a person without a purpose. He searched for it in a path with sister, but no happiness came, only murder of Midori. Alice hides his soft side to not be hurt, he on purpose builds a wall and appears so arrogant because when he was openly kind the close ones were indifferent (not to mention prison, I admire how Alice kept his sanity at all).

Shin is a prime example of morally gray character done right (majority here are morally gray but with him being antagonist it's far more prominent). I have seen various post about fandom interpreting him either as "totally evil manipulator", "Kokichi/Nagito kinnie", "cinnamon roll he did nothing wrong" or "what a loser". But he's not just good or bad, him having antagonist status doesn't make him Ouma copycat or Komaeda's successor, and while I get him being a loser is funny it's not the only thing to define him (though it's more of a joke than serious interpretation). Shin is very insecure and distrustful guy who "sees shadows where there aren't any" (quoting Sara) due to 0% and wants to live, using all methods... until he gets attached. He plots mainly against people he considers his enemies (to tell the truth, with 0% anybody could be classified as enemy), and I think he wouldn't abandon those close to him like Kanna, perhaps partly due to guilt of using her. In general, his actions, while obviously not the best (and he knows it perfectly well), come from fear of death and paranoia rather than pure malice or craziness.

Nao may appear as mentally weak girl you constantly have to help and can't rely on. Yes, Nao has problems with dependance on other, but she has her own aces up her sleeves. She's creative, smart, open-minded. For me her advantage lies in unexpectedness: who knew she saw through AI's lies? For her own sake and for the group Nao is capable of difficult actions like puching fake Reko. This girl is about growing more responsible, learning to trust your own judgement (she has great intuition by the way) and becoming independent.

Kai is quite too unique for stereotypes in my mind, a mysterious but awfully suspicious man. He looks so feminine but don't let that deceive you: he's assasin. Assasin that doesn't kill. Kai is the person escaping from his bloodied, horrible, traumatic past into right, calm, tranquil future with only householding chores and not killing attempts to protect... wrong people (Sara is not bad person, but her father is likely to be tied to Asunaro). So poor househusband is leaping from one abusive enviroment into another, but now being genuinely loyal and unaware of all skeletons kept in closet.

Q-Taro is certainly not only kindhearted big muscular guy (that dies in certain chapter) or stupid. Yes, he looks like parody on American, yes, all his accents make his speech a bit silly and stereotypical. No, he's not dumb. In fact, many plot twists involve him in some way (especially the banquet). Also, he could sacrifice his life for somebody, but he is equally capable of doing the opposite. Q-Taro is quite honest but not above tricks to leave this place, he cares for th group (taking into accout his team-spirited profession) but prioritises himself until later; he knows how sinful people are including him and that allows him to forgive quickly.

Finally, Mishima dies so early you don't hope to see him after 1.1. But if you think he's the shock value first victim that dissapears after, you are not quite right. Mishima, being dead, yet has influence on story as well, either through mystery of his head or AI that appear three times (maybe something is really up with him). Not to mention Ytts where his character shines and not burns. Him being almost perfect doesn't ruin anything, it motivates to become better as well because he wasn't always like this. Plus, he's no ideal, Mishima understands how world works but is passionate to a fault, not to mention his suspicious behavior. He is example of a person that matured, overcame his main faults and inspires the same in others.

Of course, everyone can interpret these characters differently and it's great, those perseptions can be true all at once. They are so interesting and captivating thanks to many layers of depth where everybody can see something unique.

[prettieinpink]

CREATING A STUDY SCHEDULE/ROUTINE 

PLANNING/SCHEDULING

LIST YOUR ACADEMIC STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES. This is so you can allocate time accordingly and avoid wasting any time. 

PRIORITISE ANY SUBJECTS. These may be subjects that will help you in your future career or just a subject you especially want a good grade in. Anything for these subjects then becomes the most important on your to-do list.

DIVIDE TIME EACH DAY. Not all days you are going to be able to sit down at your desk at the same time. Instead, according to your energy levels and planned activities, divide your time.

E.g I have cheerleading after school and I'm going to be so tired, so I’ll do my studying in the morning instead. 

ESTABLISH BREAKS. Depending on how long you can study for, place a suitable break in between. This helps make studying more productive, but only if your breaks are. 

CREATING

USE YOUR TIMETABLE. On days you don’t have a specific subject, dedicate more time to that one. 

CONSIDER YOUR LEARNING STYLE. This helps to be a bit more specific when creating it, instead of winging it and just doing anything. Having a consistent way of studying helps us learn better. 

E.g I’m a visual learner, so I’ll watch animations. I'm an auditory learner so I’ll watch a video of someone explaining it. 

KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO DURING STUDYING. Do not just wing studying, it’s unproductive and you’re more likely to waste time instead of using it.

 Before you start studying, write a to-do list of everything you need to do during that session and how you will do it. Less time time-consuming and allows you to use time productively. 

SAMPLE – this is Lanny’s daily study routine without any upcoming tests, as an early bird, kinesthetic learner and needs breaks to think with clarity.

Morning

Review my flashcards in preparation for any test. 

Write/note any flashcards I'm struggling with. 

 Afterschool

Check seqta/school website to access my courses, in which I’ll write down which subjects I had. 

Do a few quick blurts on paper of everything I learned in those subjects with prior reading. I only do this for HASS, math and science + any electives that require it. (blurting method)

Then I recheck my blurts, add in anything that I’ve missed and correct with a different coloured pen. 

After, I push those papers aside but I do not discard them. I’ll then complete my online science homework + class workbook. If I happen not to understand anything I’ll watch a video on it and then complete some questions on that. 

I’ll take a break around now because, on an estimate, it has been around 20-40 minutes since I started depending on how my science homework is. I usually eat something and then get back to it. 

Math is next. I’ll complete any math homework, then I’ll practice doing math questions on my own. What I like to do is watch a math video, pause the question without the answer then watch to see if I got it. Effective because they explain it and I can see where I went wrong without analysing my working out which is rather time-consuming. 

I take another break. Math stuff usually takes around 20-30 minutes. 

I then do HASS, which is the easiest. I usually read an article or watch a video on hass then apply that knowledge by answering questions OR doing assigned chapter work. 

I do not study English after school, but I usually read an assigned passage/book and then try to apply any techniques/knowledge by taking that paragraph apart and analysing it. Sometimes, I write my paragraphs using any taught techniques and then mark them. 

Then, I redo my blurtings again but without prior reading then recheck and correct. Then I am finished for the afternoon!!

Evening

Review flashcards then watch a video/read an article on what I was struggling with in the morning but I do not do anything to consolidate this knowledge. 

That is all, please feel free to ask me about any questions about studying as I don't really post much about it, I'll love to help out any fellow students! 

[noturlondonboy]

An open letter to Kevin Fiege

Note: please do not take this too seriously chat, I was assigned with writing an open letter for my English class, and I decided I needed to diss on Kevin to my English professor for a little while.

————

Dear Kevin Fiegi, (I know I spelled your name wrong, it is intentional.)

I’d just like to start off with a very sincere screw you. And if this wasn’t a school assignment that my professor is going to read, I would be using some choosier words.

Second, kindly go to Hell. Emily, my apologies. Moving on.

Let’s start with one of the most glaringly obvious problems you created and let happen in the MCU- the confusing and unnecessary death of Natalia Alianova Romanova, otherwise known as Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow.

I can understand Natasha insisting that she be the one to sacrifice herself instead of Clint- it fits her character archetype and offers a solid way for her character to die with dignity. If it weren’t such a stupid idea to kill her off in the first place.

Might I offer an alternative to keeping one of the arguably most important characters in the Marvel Universe dead in the cinematic adaptations? Did we even think about Tony Stark bringing her back with the Infinity Gauntlet when he revived half the world’s population? Did we consider at all that maybe when Steve Rogers made the (horrible) decision to stay behind in the 40’s, he could have warned the team about the dangers in Endgame? Maybe he could have prevented the Snap in the first place.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… so many options, and yet, here we are, onto Phase 5 of the MCU and Natasha Romanoff-less.

More on Steve in a second.

Natasha’s death felt unnecessary, shallow, and forced in order to create a narrative with enough drama and angst to soothe the most particular crowds. While we already had very few strong, main female characters, the loss of the Black Widow only adds the problematic misogyny in the MCU. This is aided by the fact that we received only one Black Widow movie (after she had canonically died, mind you) and have three Iron Man movies, four Thor movies, and three Captain America movies with a fourth on the way.

I’m sensing a pattern here, Kevin. A pattern I do not like.

If we wanted to stay on the topic related to misogyny, we could talk about Wanda Maximoff, and the injustice served to her character in Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. The show Wandavision gave us a beautiful narrative of how Wanda reacted to her immeasurable grief, and wove together an exciting story that provided us with intriguing lore and storyline options. However, in the absolute dookie bomb of Multiverse of Madness, almost every single point of conflict and character development that Wanda experienced was completely trashed and ignored in favor of turning her into a villain for the sake of villainy.

A terrible reason, by the way. Literally what the hell. Kevin. I am so incredibly upset with you.

Back to Steve Rogers, as promised.

Steve in himself is an incredibly in-depth character that absolutely lives up to the hype. He’s Captain-freaking-America. His actions are purposeful, his morals and strong and set in doing what is right, not what is expected. *cough cough* When Steve decided to stay in the 40’s when returning the Infinity Stones, he disrupted several important plot points. In Agent Carter, Peggy Carter moves on from Steve when he’s lost to the ice and finds love and peace and happiness with someone else. Steve ultimately steals back her affection from that life she had built for herself, and the importance she completed in her life with that man.

Have you ever watched Agent Carter, Kevin? Have you read any of the comics that you’re adapting for the screen? Have you seen the movies? The shows? Do you understand the plot lines you’re supposedly in charge of?

Secondly, we cannot forget about Bucky Barnes, even though Steve most certainly did. Remember Bucky, Kevin? Remember Steve’s best and closest friend? The man he promised to always stick with, “to the end of the line”?

No, Kevin. Clearly, you do not remember. Steve absconding Bucky was entirely out of character and makes no sense. What are we even doing here?

Thank you, but no thank you, Kevin. Please hand the MCU reigns over to someone who actually cares about the characters and what the fans want (in a reasonable sense.)

-London, aka the one you should hand them to.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Artemy Burakh the Haruspex.

On this episode of “I am definitely not okay and dedicate my time to sillygoofy things” - we look at the Haruspex in the Bachelor's campaign. This alone took me a whole month, because there is a lot of funk happening in my life, so the Changeling will have to wait a little more. Anyway. Y’all maybe don’t know the drill quite yet, so let’s start at the beginning.

What is the Haruspex like in the English version? Well, discarding the “sweet but tired dad” persona that the entire fandom has assigned the poor guy, the impression I got while watching people playing through the game is that he is first and foremost a very impulsive person, and that, in a way, carries over to his speech. He’s also very cryptic to the other healers, in that ominous “you shouldn’t have done that” way. If I hadn’t read at least a bit of his dialogue lines for the previous analysis, I would have assumed that he’d be the one to use all those “rough” words every other sentence, since that’s how people from outside of the capital cities are usually portrayed. In the Bachelor’s campaign, he is almost like a goddamn cryptid, that tells you he doesn’t know what antibodies are and then presents you with a panacea on the very next day - he speaks very little and does not bother with niceties besides the honorary title. In the Changeling campaign, all those factors seem to be even more emphasised. Overall he acts even more distant, even more ominous and is even more threatening, since it’s seen through the eyes of a scared little girl (she’s also a miracle worker but we won’t talk about it now). Both of the campaigns are, of course, drastically different from what we have in the Haruspex campaign - which is where we get to see the whole “guided by the heart” thing in action. From the other two’s perspective, he is an ominous, potentially volatile, but still helpful figure. And his speech matches that exactly. So let’s get cracking.

As the Bachelor: the vibes are pretty consistent between the English and Russian version. The Haruspex is just as cryptic and curt in both of them, and doesn’t talk in the manner usually given to all these “rough and dangerous” types in Russian fiction. In all honesty, I think it’s the fact that his manner of speech is so simple and short that made translating it to English so much easier (or at least I think it was). Sadly, there is so little dialogue, that it also meant I barely get to talk about anything interesting, since what little there is to look at, is mostly accurate. But, when there ARE differences… Oh boy are those differences. So, you’ll see a little bit of other characters in this analysis as well because these interactions in the Bachelor campaign felt almost like an afterthought. Like, the writers knew how the wanted them to meet and part, so in the middle, they just used Burakh to be a tool for exposition, and not much else. Additionally, the “fairytale-like” way of speech that Artemy has in his own campaign seems to be gone here, and I can’t wait to see what happens to it with the Changeling. With all that being said, here is the more fun stuff: aka the snippets and screenshots! Once again, the chronological order is dubious at best, and most of this was written at two am in the morning, so I hope this isn’t completely insane.

Very interesting choices made in the translation here. First and foremost - instead of relying on his heart to guide him, the Haruspex specifically says that he is guided by “his love” which, depending on how consistent this change is, might strengthen the connection between several different themes. Now to the fun part - “it’s a shame we aren’t standing together.” I need you people to understand that I am trying to remain as impartial as possible when I write these, without inserting my own opinions of the story or anything. But, the much more word-for-word translation of that line would be “Pity, that we aren’t together.” And yes, people being “together” does also have the same connotation in Russian as it does in English. And while I understand that it’s mostly likely supposed to imply “allyship,” I think it could be worded a lot better, had the writers wanted to avoid misunderstandings.

Let’s focus on the last sentence here: in English, the Haruspex says he admires Rubin’s determination to help people. In the original version however, the sentence is “He deserves respect.” See, the interesting thing here is the difference between “I” and “everyone.” Where in the English version Burakh voices his personal approval of Rubin, in Russian it’s an unspecified, but general statement, which bears the implications that others should respect him as well. And while the difference itself isn’t too significant on its own, when paired with the fact that Rubin is someone who’s on the run from half of the town, it hits a bit different. 

Also, and I didn’t really know where to stick this, and maybe this could’ve waited until we actually got to Rubin as a character, but yeah. I wanted to point out specifically that the word “master” in Russian doesn’t have a dual meaning. Cuz, correct me if I’m wrong, in English this can both refer to a master of a certain activity (ie martial arts master) as well as a proprietor of something (ie master of the house). In Russian, however, the word “master” refers exclusively to a “master of their craft” type of people. A master of a property is referred to as an “owner”. The “Mistresses” in Pathologic are also referred to as “owners” (with a suffix that indicates female). This creates a bit of a confusion, because the word exists in both of the languages, but only shares some of the meanings. And uh… This is related to this quote because uh… Something-something recognition of expertise.

I’m personally a big fan of the themes of freedom, and how different people react to losing their freedom of choice, or dealing with the information that they were never free to choose to begin with. And that brings us to this little line, which I find particularly interesting. In the original Russian dialogue, Burakh says that he had already “lost” his freedom, in the way one loses something in a game. I feel this shines a different light on both how he eventually reacts to being told that he’s just a toy in a child’s game (he’s had to deal with disempowerment this whole time, it’s nothing new to him) but also with how he views his loss of freedom. Not something that some higher power has revoked from him, but rather something that he himselfs basically “gambled away.” In that sense, I can see the eventual reveal that everyone is simply a toy in a sandbox being a relief. In the way that it wasn’t his fault after all, that everything was predetermined, and that he couldn’t have carelessly lost something he didn’t have in the first place. Makes me wonder what the dialogue between these two would’ve been like if they’d met on the first day in this campaign.

I have a shamefully small amount of notes as I go through these, so I’m literally latching on to anything to talk about. I pointed out how dry and laconic the Haruspex is, but god DAMN if that doesn’t make for text that’s easy to translate - and that gives me less things to work with. For example this - a simple word difference in the last sentence that you couldn’t possibly translate properly without sounding illiterate. Because as it is - the translation is accurate in the last sentence. But that’s because “evil” in English is both a noun and an adjective. In Russian, however, the adjective for “evil” also makes for a synonym to “angry” and that doesn’t fit with the meaning conveyed here. Burakh calls Clara “evil itself” the embodiment of evil, all that shabang. It’s something that is recurrent in people talking about her, from what I’ve seen - people address her as a concept, and link her to more generalised ideas, rather than specific characteristics. Either way, it’s a fun thing to think about.

Hi, confused, I’m dad. I did a thing where I tried to read the English dialogue in its entirety first, because I wanted to avoid talking about information that was already accessible in English, and I remember being confused at this line, because… The cattle grounds were on the other side of the Gorkhon? Since when???? It didn’t make sense with the rest of the dialogue either, and the Russian version says “on this side of the Gorkhon” so… What gives? Assuming that the website is accurate (cuz if not, then I’d have to go and check in the actual game which would take hours to get to) does this then just mean it was a simple translation error? Or did the writers decide to change the lore as they were translating? It confuses me so much, because overall the game is well translated, so I don’t get how no one noticed that the meaning of the sentence becomes completely flipped here. Anyways, if you’re like me and that confused the hell out of you in English, just know that it makes sense in Russian and you can sleep soundly. Also, on the more chill note, there is no reference to a kraken in the Russian version, the deposits are compared to octopus tendrils.

I know this isn’t Bachelor time again, but I wanted to point out that there’s a switch back to the formal “you” here, and I feel like it throws a wrench into my previous theory. Or maybe it supports it. Let’s try to be objective here. The simplest explanation could be simply that this is a continuity break, that this was completely unintentional from the writers, and that I am trying to figure out why the curtains are blue in a situation where they are, indeed, just blue. But we like fun here, so let’s assume the curtains are blue for a reason. The real problem is whether this works with my previously established theory, or if it's for a completely different reason.

If we are going with the supposition that the Bachelor switches to formal “you” when he is uncomfortable (which some people found strange when I brought it up, but it’s a legit thing in Russian. Like, I do that sometimes when I want to place a little bit of professional distance between myself and whoever I’m speaking to, though sometimes the person might get upset if you do that) then one possible explanation would be that he is uncomfortable with the implications that this new knowledge has brought to light - a huge residential part of the town is sorta kinda maybe doomed. It could also be the overall dread of what the other piece of news would be.

On the opposing side of this argument is a somewhat mundane explanation that would bypass my theory completely. The idea that the switch to a more formal language was either an attempt to keep the conversation civil and “professional” at a spot where a conflict of interests could potentially emerge, or the possibility that it simply happened because sometimes a person doesn’t know where they stand, or what would be more appropriate in this situation, and opt for the safe formal version.

I do want to apologise, in case y’all don’t wanna hear these hypotheses of mine, I just thought it would be unfair to pretend like my explanations are the only ones out there, so yeah.

Welcome back to “mom pick me up, the translations are being weird again” this time - "my confidants are alive. Are you sure they’re alive? I see no problems." Perfect, flawless logic, I love. And while I understand that the original Russian version uses a very “ye olde” version of “if,” I still assume that the translating team spoke Russian and understood the meaning of the sentence. For context - the modern version of “if” in Russian is “если” (yesli). However, in this line, the Haruspex uses an older word “коль” (kol’), which implies a condition, or an “if” scenario. But the word itself isn’t extinct, people still understand what it implies, the same way native English speakers would know that “thou” means “you.” Like, I can’t imagine how the meaning got flipped in here, it just confuses me. Either way, the “I see no problems with that” is also kinda wonky, because it makes it sound like Burakh has no problem with the “my bound are alive - so I’ll be at the meeting” logic. In Russian, he specifically says “-I’ll come. I see no obstacles.” As in - there is nothing to stop me from doing so. Anyway, translation wonky, let’s see how the rest of it goes.

Now that’s an interesting difference. And a morbid one at that. This is the line where the Haruspex talks about his bound “rebuilding the settlement and turning their lives to become the angels of its foundation.” Which I interpreted more in the sense of - becoming the highly revered figures of the town, with lots of authority and responsibility - like angels. And I’m curious to see how y’all interpreted this, because I did not anticipate the Russian version in the slightest. And it’s this: “... my bound, that are destined to bring this town back to life and lay down their lives under its new cornerstones.” For one, I find it curious that both in English and Russian there is such a similar turn of phrase - because “lay down their lives” could have been translated almost word for word. But also… I am so confused. Is the sacrifice in this sense a literal one? Or does he simply mean a dedication to the town so strong that it could count as giving up one’s life? Either way, this is definitely a curious difference in translation, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

The interesting thing is… For the most part the “Are you aware that we turned out to be toys” dialogue starts the same in both the Haruspex and the Bachelor runs, only diverging in a few character-specific moments. This is one of them and… I don’t even know where to begin with this bit of dialogue, and not because it’s bad. I think it’s translated well, but there are about a hundred tiny little differences that change the vibe a little to the left, make some phrases more bitter and others more candid. For one the whole “take a closer look” in Russian is a direct invitation to compare the two healers, not an implied one. Secondly, instead of not being “a toy to keep” Burakh says that he (in a literal translation) “isn’t to be pitied.” But because Russian is a funky language, what this phrase actually means is - he doesn’t see himself as worth being concerned over, someone who, if sacrificed or given up, wouldn’t be seen as that big of a loss by others. Someone who others would readily discard, without feeling guilt, pity or sorrow. And I have big feelings about that. Additionally, the line about the Bachelor being “an entirely different thing” is kinda funny to me, because it’s a pretty long sentence in English, but in Russian it’s just… Four words, two of which are only two letters long. It definitely carries a different vibe, simply because of how laconic it is, it comes across as much more of an exclamation. In the closest to a literal translation while still remaining coherent, he says “You’re a different case!” which in turn conveys the vibe of “But look at you!” and while I think the translation does a great job at communicating both of them, they also lose the abruptness of the exclamation, which I think adds to the line.

Still not Bachelor hours anymore, but I wanted to point out that the “You’re having fun… Somehow I fail to join in” is a line that sounds sombre and distant, but the Russian version is “You’re laughing… But I don’t find this funny at all” and it has the wording of a child entering their “sulking mode” because someone made a lighthearted joke that they don’t get. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but there’s definitely a lot of bitterness to it, because the idea of being dolls clearly affects the Bachelor very heavily, and then he sees the Haruspex just being like “yeah we might be dolls. So what? You only care cuz you’re made of better materials anyway, lol.” And I imagine that’s pretty hurtful.

Reading this in English, I could practically feel the “there was supposed to be an idiom here, but it’s one of the ridiculous ones, so we had to translate the meaning instead” coming from this line - particularly the “not a single weak spot anywhere” part. And sure enough, the original Russian version says “...everything was done cleanly - a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose” (the nose, obviously being the proboscis). And while I am a big fan of Russian idioms, and was a proud owner of not one, not two, but three books on them as a kid, I’ve never actually heard of this one. The phrase itself means a job perfectly and flawlessly done, to the point where it can’t be improved upon. The leading interpretation to its origin is the idea that a mosquito’s proboscis is a perfect tool for its purpose - long enough to reach blood and thin enough that a person usually doesn’t even feel a mosquito bite until it’s too late. A mosquito’s “nose” could not be any thinner or sharper - therefore a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose.

God, how is it that in the series of dialogues that are the most dry and direct, in the few places where discrepancies are present, the discrepancies are the most confounding and meaning-altering ones? This is still from the dialogue in which the Haruspex and the Bachelor discuss Aglaya on the final day, and the choices in the translation are kind of confusing to me. The original line is “As far as I understand, in the orders given to her, the Powers That Be have concealed (or kept from her) the fact that they want to save the town specifically alongside the Polyhedron.” And while you can still get that implication from the surrounding dialogue, with the whole talk of “she would’ve caught on to the scent of foul play,” it’s still weird that this line was translated so differently. Because as it is, it creates the feeling that it was more of a “technicality” scenario. You know the trope: “I never said anything about so and so, therefore this little inconsistency is going to screw you over, should’ve read the fine print” etc. Almost gives this dialogue a sense of snark, while it’s the exact opposite. The English version weighs in more on the Powers That Be being cold and inconsiderate, while the Russian version is specifically aimed towards emphasising the idea that Aglaya is not to blame. You know. What this whole dialogue is about - Burakh “painting Aglaya as the victim.”

And that’s about all I’ve got for the Haruspex from the Bachelor’s point of view. There are a few things here that shine a new light on some of the themes, or specifically the relationship between Burakh and his sense of fate and control. The overall theme that there is always something higher up that is either in charge or to blame for the things happening, and that Artemy usually takes on as much responsibility as possible because there are only a few things that are truly up to him. Like, that’s why he doesn’t blame Aglaya for her spite or deception, and why he isn’t hostile to the Bachelor in this run - he sees both of them become disillusioned and spiteful, when they find out that all the decisions have been made for them. But as someone who’s never felt much freedom, from responsibilities and choices made and imposed on him by his father, to him being able to see the Lines and where they lead, he’s had to learn to be grateful and accepting of the little choices that he is allowed to make.

And while these closing remarks aren’t exactly exclusive to the Russian version, it just makes me understand the Haruspex ending better. Like, it took me a while to figure out why he’s the character who’s seen as the one “capable of being actually free” or whatever it is that the devs say to Clara (you). It’s because everyone else who is aware of their nature (except Clara, maybe, I’m not sure yet) is someone to whom this is a disheartening and devastating revelation - they become blinded with this knowledge and end up “acting out” exactly the way they were supposed to. Aglaya doesn’t manage to disobey or defy the Powers That Be, nor does Daniil. Yulia too - though she doesn’t know this is all a children’s game, her theory about the “tripwires of fate” is what ultimately traps her in the path chosen for her. The Haruspex on the other hand, not only had to grow up with the idea that he’s fated to become the Warden - serving the purpose of the Kin, but quite literally could see the way things are predetermined. The fact that they’re all dolls, to him, is just a different way of seeing the Lines. So it makes sense that the best ending in the Haruspex run isn't the Termite ending, but the ending of any of the other healers - because then he actually makes a choice. Exercises the little bit of freedom that he has. It's a very interesting progression, where as the Bachelor you , the player, can claim responsibility for his choices, as the Haruspex you can make a choice despite the game's predetermined nature, and then as Clara you get to do both. Throughout these campaigns, you are gradually gaining freedom from the constrictions of the game.

Either way, who knows how long it will be until Clara's point of view on the Haruspex, I certainly don't. But if there is any feedback or stuff, I'm always open to hearing it.

[isbashirah]

my undergraduate journey: from the faculty of math, to becoming a multi-award-winning poet

becoming an alum, and reflecting on the situation in Gaza

This summer, I finally became an alum of the University of Waterloo. Looking back at the long and winding path it took to get me here, it’s interesting to see how things fell into place. I recall, the seemingly never-ending slurry of coursework that demanded so much time and attention. The late nights I would stay up attempting to complete assignments in the early hours of the morning. I remember the quiet lull of those weeks after the end of the final-exam period. I remember the nights when things didn’t seem like they would work out. When they still did. And when they didn’t. And how all of it somehow lead me, twice, to the Department of English Language and Literature Awards.

When I first set out to write this article for mathNEWS, I wanted to write about my journey as an undergraduate student, that started out in the honours math program, and the circumstances that lead me, like many, to transfer out of the Faculty of Math altogether.

Teachers and family members had high expectations of me. I think they thought I’d be making bank in finance or something of the like by now. Instead, I’ve become a poet. I reflect on these unfulfilled expectations, and the potential I had, that I chose to let go of, in order to pursue the path I’m on right now.

People warned me that I’d probably struggle to find employment without a STEM degree, especially as a person existing at the intersection of several marginalized communities. I knew I didn’t belong in Math, so when I decided to leave, I also committed myself to the pursuit of excellence. Academic achievement felt like a form of survival. I reflect on the obstacles I face now, emerging as a new grad in the midst of this tumultuous economy.

Sometimes my friends ask me what it feels like, having had my creative work recognized with awards. More than anything, the experience highlighted for me what was missing. Winning these awards, for me, was kind of like high school graduation. It’s another line to add to my resume. I know it might put me ahead a little bit, but none of my everyday problems have really been resolved. The glamour of the awards paled quickly. All that was left were the same everyday problems as I had before. My family, still fragmented, and myself, still lacking in many areas.

I never really intended to become a good poet, or even to improve on what skills I naturally possessed. I turned to writing because it gave me a space to discuss the problems I didn’t feel like I had the space to discuss otherwise. I turned to writing because I felt lonely, and I needed a healthy distraction. I enjoyed writing workshops, because amongst strangers, it was a space where I could just exist, unburdened by the past, or the future.

I have a hard time writing about these accomplishments now; I feel compelled to write about the students in Gaza. The students who will never graduate. The students whose universities have been destroyed, and the many students who have died. The artists, and the engineers. I think of the potential that is lost with civilians who die in war, and those who live on with less opportunities available for their flourishing.

I think about the Gaza House encampment, and encampments at other Canadian universities. The students who put their careers on the line, and put parts of their lives on hold, to speak out against war crimes, and advocate for those who cannot be heard. Those who are under the rubble. I can’t bring myself to further discuss my achievements while the situation in Gaza continues to escalate. I ask, why am I the one that gets to achieve? Right now, the opportunity to achieve is privilege in itself.

I think about my grandmother, with her limited literacy, who survived the Great Partition of India. My grandmother who never received a formal education and lives to see her children and grandchildren go on to become doctors, accountants, software engineers, and poets.

I think of the Palestinian olive trees. How it can take them years to grow before they start bearing fruit. I think of the olive trees that have been violently uprooted under the occupation, and the Al Badawi tree, a Palestinian olive tree that is estimated to be over two thousand years old.

Then I think of the longest night of the year, and the cold winter seasons, how the Al Badawi tree has lived through those long nights and seasonal shifts, into and out of cold and darkness, at least two thousand times.

When civilians die in war, especially children, they are robbed, not only of the opportunity to see what the world has to offer, but the ability to be a part of something larger than themselves. A family. A community. I am not Palestinian, I cannot speak for people in Gaza, but I still think about how I can serve them. As a creative, much of my work is deeply personal, but I believe that creatives have a duty to serve their communities, by creating and holding space for others when they need it. A space to just feel, and be in community with others.

Do you need space to talk about what’s going on in Palestine? I invite you to continue the conversation with me in the comments below.

Warmly,

I. S. Bashirah

This article was originally published on July 26th, 2024, in Volume 155, Issue 6 of mathNEWS.

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I. S. Bashirah is a multi-award-winning poet and recent alumna of the University of Waterloo. She was awarded the English Society Creative Writing Award for Poetry, as well as an Honourable Mention for the Albert Shaw Poetry Award, at the University of Waterloo Department of English Language and Literature Awards Ceremony in 2023. In 2024, she was also awarded the Albert Shaw Poetry Prize.

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Please note: this Tumblr blog exists as an extension of my Substack newsletter. If you would like to keep up with my work, and see my newest posts, they will be up on Substack first.

[doriansredroses]

Okay I am so fucking pissed off. In college so far, my mental health has been awful. It was the first time I considered taking my life and lost my desires to live in a major depressive period. During this, I’ve completely lost my ability to take exams efficiently. Last semester, I failed all of my finals and winded up with B's and C’s despite having all A’s prior to the final exams. Someone who was working with me at school actually stated that I should file for alternative assignments instead of exams as an accommodation because my mental health and grades had plummeted to very unhealthy levels.

So, I talked with a professor about it and she is letting me do a project that weighs as much as the exams and it goes over the exact same topics. This is great. My other professors are downright ableist (the ones who are giving out the exams). I spoke with my English professor about this because he had the audacity to list the exams as “in-class writing assignments” in a lingo that meant writing a small assignment and sharing in class, when in reality, it was a fucking test. So I had to scramble to rework my accommodations because he told me he was refusing to help me out unless I had documentation (which I’ve also been denied). I have no time to study now except cramming over the weekend.

He told me that he has faith in me because I’m insightful in class every session and I clearly know a lot about the subject (literature in early 18th century England). I specifically told him that I’ve nearly failed classes before due to exams and he’s not budging, saying it’s extremely unfair for the other students if I have a format I need. What’s unfair is that he’s setting me up for failure in a class I used to enjoy. I get it, doing an essay instead of a test can be unfair in some eyes, but if I start actually failing courses, I could lose my hefty scholarship that covers more than half of my tuition. And if that happens, it’ll likely send me into another severe depressive/manic spiral. I’ll also have to drop out so close to getting my degree.

The class is made up of exams, which means there’s no chance of me succeeding, and what’s worse, it’s an English course. Having a C or below in literature is a mockery. A mockery. My professor told me to just come to class on Monday and take the test like everyone else, even disregarding my previous accommodations such as extra time and a private room. I’m screwed and I feel invalidated because I can’t study and take exams like a neurotypical student. I was diagnosed with autism (Asperger’s when the term was in use) and anxiety as a kid. My anxiety has skyrocketed since 2020. I’ve been degraded by professors before, but this one just seems ignorant. He doesn’t understand and now I’m going to have to pay for it (with bad grades and possibly dropping out since I have another professor who won’t even talk to me about the same issue).

I’ll be spending my weekend trying not to vomit and have an anxiety attack instead of celebrating the arrival of autumn. Am I overreacting?

[xbalayage]

I was wondering... What's the part about writing you enjoy the most?

Sorry I got to this so late! I've been busy today! <3

The part I enjoy the most about writing, is that it's always been my release, my form of expression and art. I've been writing roughly since I was 11-13 years old. If I remember correctly, I started roleplaying/writing on Tumblr, Deviantart, Myspace, Skype, AOL and on some FB groups back in the day. And BOY, was I terrible at it. But it was fun and enjoyable, an outlet for me in my crazy life. I even did some cringe and silly ones on places like WeeWorld and Club Penguin, hehe.

But thankfully, though I was bad, I never gave up! I started understanding what writing truly was and how much I enjoyed it. School made me realize more with writing assignments like English class and Creative Writing. A book that'll forever stick with me is Lord of the Flies because we had to write it for class but said we had to choose a character and speak from their perspective during the course of events that was happening and I chose Simon! And my teacher loved it!

It gave me a better understanding of truly trying to understand a character to the core of who they are. And it helped make my writing better of the characters I wanted to portray instead of just being silly and cringe with it, I truly wanted to do the character justice to their feelings, thoughts and actions. And it led me to the writer I am today! I love trying to paint a scene for the audience and feel immersed in what's going on. I might've lost my touch a little bit, but it doesn't hurt trying to get back to the roots and water them!

Like, for instance, a character I absolutely loved was Axel from Kingdom Hearts. He was my baby and I miss him so much sometimes. And trust, I was COMPLETELY TERRIBLE at him at first, but after realizing I needed to become better and look at the fundamentals of this character did I finally become better and made so many friends from it. Then I branched off to other characters of different personalities to better my writing.

So to finish this off, what I love about writing is truly getting to understand the characters I adore and want to portray at the center of who they are, and just hope I do a damn good job at it. I'll research, spend time and truly get every ounce of info on the character I can and allow the words to leave my fingers tips and onto the page or keyboard.

[vyvie]

Untitled and Unnamed

I turn in another half done assignment, not bothering to check if my name is even on it. I might get a better grade if it’s marked missing anyways. I just can’t seem to hold onto my focus. It seems to slip out from between my fingers, and the harder I try to hold onto it, the harder it is to grasp. But there isn’t anything that I can really do about it, so I make do. Guilt and I have a very close relationship. It seems to be all I’m feeling these days. Didn’t do this assignment, didn’t do that assignment. I hardly leave my room anymore, I just wallow in my own whirlwind of thoughts and ideas that never come into focus, like a bad camera.

Everything used to come so easily to me, my attention unwavering during lessons, answers practically being whispered to me with how clear they are in my mind. I don’t know what happened. I feel like something has snapped in my brain, and now it’s like the chain fell off my bike. I pedal all I want, but I don’t make it anywhere. All I do is burn time and energy, and I gain nothing but confusion and guilt. All I feel like is that I’m getting dumber and dumber by the day, even the things that came so easily to me before are just out of my reach.

My mom says it’s just because high school is harder, but I don’t believe her. It’s the same stuff, English, history, math. It’s not that it’s harder here, it’s that I’m worse than I was. That was my limit, and it’s all downhill from here. I don't want to think that I peaked in middle school, but that’s what happened. My partner tells me that it’s not my fault, and that it’s something in my brain, but I don’t believe them. Obviously there’s something wrong with me, but blaming my incompetence on anything but myself is absurd. 

Now I’m laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, knowing that I have at least three projects that are due by the end of this week, two of which I haven’t even started yet. But it’ll be fine. They’ll get done, probably around the same time that I’m supposed to be sleeping. But four hours a night hasn’t caught up with me yet, so I can’t imagine that will change this week. I try to piece together a thought, but it just doesn’t work. It’s like my brain is full of cotton balls, and I’m struggling blindly to find the different pieces of the puzzle. I get up, and walk past the assignments I need to complete. Maybe there’s something I have to clean.

My room goes from pigsty to pristine, entirely depending on how much my mind needs to run away from the work I have to be doing. I write half of an English paper. Then delete it. I can’t turn that in. So I sit, and stare at the wall, or the floor, or the spider slowly building a web in the corner of my room. Anything but the work that makes me shake with stress. I mean, who actually cares about The Catcher in the Rye. I definitely don’t, which is why I’m using summaries and articles to tell me about the book instead of reading it. I can’t sit down and read something anymore. I used to love to read.

I feel like my identity, everything that set me apart from everyone else, that made me unique, is gone, and that I’m just blending in with everyone else again. What was my personality? Who am I? Does anyone know? I feel like I’ve lost myself, and I can’t find the person that I am supposed to be. Maybe they died in eighth grade.

Unanswered texts fill my phone notifications. I swipe them away. I don’t have the energy to talk today. 2 hours later, I pull myself from my bed, and deep clean my room for 4 hours. I don’t have the energy to do work, I tell myself as I do every chore, every task in my house. Other than the things that need to be done. I’m being so productive, getting nothing done. I’m so tired of this. I lay in my bed, midnight now, and I don’t sleep. How could I, with how many things are stuck in my head that I can’t seem to get out. I’ll do that English paper, and all three of those projects tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll have more energy tomorrow.

[bakery-anon]

I MISSED YOU TOO BAKERY ANON !! i’ve been okay !! just going to school and work so nothing that exciting, just very busy busy so i’ve only really been online during night BUT it’s helping me decrease my screentime so it’s kind of good!!(but i do miss being chronically online with everyone else<//3

i’m sorry things have been stressful for you, i’m manifesting better days for you right now :(( things might seem hard now but they’re going to get better eventually! it sucks that your chef keeps taking away your class time from you but hopefully you’re able to catch up eventually. take things one day at a time and everything will be okay <3333 something that helps me organize a bit when i’m stressed is to write it down in my memo pad so that i can visually see the things i need to do, and !! crossing things out seem so rewarding so i get a bit more motivated to push myself a bit! (BUT don’t push yourself too hard bug please just prioritize yourself over anything <333) i also hope your english teacher is lenient and understanding of your situation, if it gets too much though i definitely suggest just talking to them just so that they can be a bit more understanding of you being behind in everything

IM GLAD YOURE ABLE TO STAY HOME TOMORROW YIPPPE!!! take all the rest you need and cool down! your week sounds so so stressful right now so it’s definitely good to take time for yourself!! <33333 i hope your day tomorrow is better than today, i wish i could literally fly over to you and take some burden off of your hands </3333 (im NOT a good baker nor am i really a writer but i will try!!) but it sounds like you have a good support system with you so im really glad for that <33333 cheeseburger macaroni actually sounds good and interesting?? i’ve never tried it heard of that before!! but comfort meals are always the best!!

we can cheers our water bottles while we drink! i’ll always read your little rants whenever <333 i had some vietnamese food my mom made earlier as dinner but!! i will get a snack now in honor of you !!(pretzels i’m coming for you) i love you bug!! i hope this message isn’t too long <333 manifesting better days for you!! take care of yourself as always and be nice to yourself, thank you for always being so kind and bringing such a warm environment to the community, so make sure you take care of yourself too <3333 xoxoxo

MANGO ANON <33333

Omg I completely get how you feel </333 I’ve been so busy and just want to catch up on all the fics I’m behind on (reading and writing). I’m still chronically online but not like how I was over the summer </333 I hope work and school let up a little bit so you can relax and have some free time soon <333

I’m manifesting good days for you too mango anon <3 you deserve only the best in life. I’m hoping I’ll be able to catch up on everything tomorrow 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ after much needed sleep. I literally came home and slept from like 3-9:30 and almost just went back to sleep. Instead I made myself food and now I’m awake lol. My motivation is complaining to my friends about things I need to do and them going “okay so do it.” (In a loving way). I’m gonna try my best not to push myself too hard!!! Yeah, my English teacher is pretty lenient. He doesn’t really take points off for late assignments but I keep forgetting to turn my stuff in bcs you have to email it to him instead of there being like a “submit” button or anything. He’s chill. Slowly but surely I’m catching up to where I need to be in my classes.

My mother giving me Mother Mandated Mental Health Days is my saving grace during the school year. I drag myself upstairs and she goes “mental health day tomorrow?” And I nod my head and go to sleep. I’m gonna sleep so much tomorrow omg- I thought about going to school but I’m just so tired </3 come on over!!! I’ll make you fruit bars and we can have a game night!!! <3333 I usually stress bake but we don’t have anything at home to bake so </3 one day very soon I will stress bake. Cheeseburger macaroni is as it sounds! Macaroni with hamburger in it. We get the Hamburger Helper but I also like doing it with velveeta Mac n Cheese. 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Yes cheers 🥂 (<- fizzy apple juice) finishing off my water bottle right now and about to get another one. Awww <333 I’ll read your rants or rambles anytime too <333 ooh!!! That sounds so good!!! Pretzels my beloveds <333 I hope you enjoy your snack <3 I LOVE YOU TOO MANGO ANON <33333 also bro, what do you mean message is too long??? Do you see my replies to you??? /lh Yap sessions are never too long (tumblr cuts off DM messages at like 747 words </3) but yap all you want. I will happily respond, yapping is my favorite pastime. Manifesting good days for you too <3 I’m getting better about being nice to myself! You make sure to be kind to yourself too mango anon! We all love you so much!!! <3 Thank you for thinking I’m kind and warm, I’m legit gonna think about that forever now thanks <3

You’re so beach coded omg. Sorry, I really like the beach so you remind me of the beach. It’s a calming place for me like the waves and the sand and stuff. Idk you just remind me of the beach and like hunting for seashells. Thank you for checking in everyone and continuing to be a positive presence in everyone’s askbox. I love you mango anon, please take care of yourself too <333 and you’re welcome anytime in my inbox so feel free to send an ask in whenever! <33

[th3houseofleaves]

i am simply thinking about samuel vasilyev today.

he's such a good older brother and teacher.

like i just know his students love him because he's so chill? and he tries so hard to make sure all his assignments n such are accessible to all of his students. bc he's got enough experience with his siblings and his cousin to understand that sometimes, school can be hard. not everyone learns the same.

spending time with noah and seeing some of the difficulties he has reading (bc the language he first learned to read in wasn't english AND dyslexia on top of that) and he decides to research more accessible fonts n types of assignments n books n such for his students that would benefit from them. within the first couple of weeks after he's started offering alternate versions of text (usually that he's personally retyped in a dyslexia friendly font, or that he's found in different languages [as they're available] on the off chance that one of his students isn't as comfortable reading in english as they might be in there first language, something that he definitely understands) students that had been struggling and performing poorly start to improve bc they! can actually understand the assignments and it's not so frustrating to sit down and do them.

& spending time with his cousin milan, someone with the WORST adhd who struggles so much with school, pushes him to figure out ways he can accommodate students that he has that are neurodivergent. he asks milan what usually works best for him and he says that it's the easiest for him to learn when he can listen to the lesson in a recording while working on the assignment, sitting in a lecture hall is hard for him but when he actually records the lecture and can listen back to it, he figured out that he understands things better AND it lets him learn while also keeping himself busy!! bc milan can sit still but it's easier for him to focus on one thing if he's doing another.

so sam takes that into account and when he can he finds audio sources for some of the stuff he assigns to read and shares those resources with his students. he lets them record his lessons, or even does it himself, so that they can listen to it later if they need to and even for neurotypical students, once he starts doing this? grades start improving a lot and students are less stressed about completing assignments and coming to class.

and sam makes sure his students know that if they need any kind of accommodation, he will try and do that for them. if one student needs a little bit more time to do an assignment, he'll give it no questions asked. if a student tells them they have anxiety attacks when they test, he'll ask how he can help and if that means that when they test with him they get to listen to their music or take their test during their free period / lunch period than he'll do it. if a student is worried about having a fidget or about needing to stand or move during class he explains that as long as they're not purposefully trying to disrupt class than they're okay to do what they need. he starts adding visuals to his assignments and using more clearly defined prompts instead of vague ones when students tell him that they learn better when they can see examples or they struggle to complete an assignment when it's not clearly laid out for them. like yes, if it's something requiring their opinion or whatever he's not completely telling them what to write but he is letting them know like. what he wants them to write about? if that makes sense. he's not just asking them to comment on what they read without explaining what exactly he'd like to see. (this is based on my own struggles with my soc class last semester bc my professor didn't have prompts for our weekly discussion posts so i had anxiety attacks bc i had no idea what she expected from me bc i need rules to exist lmao)

and he refuses to startle any of his students who fall asleep during class. he's had that happen to him as a kid and he quite literally ran from the class because it triggered him real real bad. and he's seen how both his brothers react when someone does that and. he's not about to get fucking punched at school lmao (if you wake aeron up and catch them by surprise they come out swinging, something that noah failed to mention the first time sam tried to gently shake aeron awake. the incident ended with aeron apologizing over and over and sam holding an ice pack to his face and rocking a black eye for like the next week.) the other thing with this is, if a kid falls asleep in his class he's gonna figure they need the sleep. he knows how stressful high school / middle school is (idk what year he teaches atm) and he knows what the workload is like + a lot of his students have other responsibilities outside of school. he gets that they're bound to be tired as hell. so if they need to take a little nap during the period they're with him than so be it. he's got the lessons recorded anyways and he knows his students are surprisingly good at helping each other out?

other teachers don't understand why he's so fucking popular lmao and he's like ??? im literally doing the bare minimum and not being a dickhead to these kids i really don't get it either.

he doesn't see anything he does as going above and beyond when it is! he's using so much of his limited free time to make learning easier for his students! he's doing so much, he's doing more than basically every teacher bc they don't have the time or the resources!! and that's no shame on them at all. being a teacher is hard as hell.

[clementines-writing-corner]

mental health, the inadequacy of words, & being kind to yourself

Hello friends.

I am going to be very transparent with you all. I did not get anything done this week. It was a very rough week for me mental health-wise and I could barely drag myself through completing my class assignments, let alone think about writing creatively for fun. (Technically this blog is a class assignment for now, but I try to think of it as a fun hobby so I don’t burn my inspiration out. Having to post once a week for class is just extra motivation to continue to work on my creative writing as opposed to neglecting it for “more important tasks”.) 

I was disgusted with myself this week. I was bone dead exhausted. I kept wanting to cry and cry and cry and never stop, yet the tears would never come. I was so, so very angry, at life, at the world, at myself,  in a way that I rarely ever experience. I felt like I could shatter to pieces at any minute. 

I had a talk with my cousin the other night at a family birthday party about the inadequacy of language, particularly the English language, to truly capture emotion. I envy poets and authors who have the skills to evoke even a mere fraction of the emotions they are feeling or projecting upon their characters through the limited conventions of words. I hope to harness such skills someday. I am most certainly not there yet. I cannot even begin to describe to you the depths of my headspace this past week, and yet I still try. To be quite frank, I have not had a depressive episode so bad in months. It makes me all the more glad that I finally made the decision to attend therapy/counseling. 

I know at least one thing my wonderful therapist (she truly is lovely) will tell me when I visit her this week. I need to practice being kind to myself during tough times. I often get so frustrated when I can’t find the motivation to “properly” do my work or devote my time and energy to something important or beneficial, such as working my creative writing muscles as I do in this blog. And I have always been the type of person to project that frustration and anger inwards, instead of letting it explode outwards. But being negative will only keep me trapped in a vicious cycle of mean thoughts and hurt feelings. Being kind to myself, and giving myself space to rest, recharge, and eventually regain motivation is extremely important. I would do well to remember that more often. And I don’t think I’m the only one who could use a reminder. 

I apologize for dumping that on y’all and the jumbled mess I feel that this post has become, but I think it’s important to be transparent about my ups and downs, in life as well as in my writing. I’m still pulling myself out of the hole I dug this past week. Yet, I do want to reassure you all that I am okay. I may not be great, or even good, but I will get there in time. I am okay.

Whatever you all are going through this week, please remember to be kind to yourselves. And even when it’s hard to, try to remember to dot your j’s and cross your t’s. (Sometimes satisfaction is found in the little things.) It will get better soon. It will.

With lots of love and positive vibes to carry you into this next week, 

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷

P.S. This post was a bit of a downer (much like my week) so here is something that made me smile this past week; a bright spot in the midst of some cloudy weather, if you will. 

Autumn is my favorite season, (I oft tell my friends I was built for autumnal weather), and this song is just so hauntingly beautiful and melancholic. It almost hurts in a good way. When I stumbled across it this past week, I played it on full blast in my car with my heat pumping but the windows rolled all the way down on my way to class. It was the best. ᕱ__ᕱ

[lachlanhumphrey]

123 Steps to Become a SEO Writer

I never considered myself to be an SEO writer, but with time I realised that as a writer who devotes time to writing blogs and articles, I can investigate this topic. You might now be thinking there is nothing new in it. I concur that no writer can achieve SEO success from the very first day of writing.

Now here my intention is merely to express my opinions so that a new aspirant, who has been assigned a task of producing search engine optimization (SEO) friendly content, can acquire a general notion on this specific type of writing style, instead of getting annoyed to listen to this particular word 'SEO article'.

Well, I'm going to presume that you, my reader, are already writers and are fully aware of the fact that your first responsibility as a writer is to help them understand the concept you're trying to get over.

However, I believe that there is nothing special about grammar when you start writing because English is a language that permits you to read and write in your own way while keeping simple basis things correct; if I am completely wrong then we might not hear the words like "bestest" and the like. At the same time, this is much that I can take for granted that you well, revise the writing to make it grammatically perfect.

I'll venture to aid or provide you with a few strategies to improve your writing SEO friendly once you can clearly communicate the topic to your reader:

You must first comprehend what keywords are. I won't define it here because you can learn more about it on Google than I ever could. What I'm trying to say is that you need to understand why you're selecting a keyword and what it actually means. You can never begin experimenting with given keywords if you don't understand what they mean.

If I say that knowing how to utilise keywords is the second item, then I must add that you should only use them when you can incorporate them into a meaningful statement. Never try to force a keyword into a statement if the sentence's context forbids it.

Most of the time, you try to employ them unnecessarily under the pressure of the optimizer. Your optimizer or the client must comprehend that if an article is overstuffed with keywords, good article directories—Ezine is undoubtedly one—and even the search engines will ignore it! Just 1% density is required.

Making suitable keyword placement is the very next stage. Never ever believe that inserting keywords wherever in your work and keeping a density of 1% would take care of everything for you. Thus, the challenge is not just to sate a visitor's hunger—you also need to comprehend the search spider's indexing methodology.

If not in the first line, then definitely between the first 20 and 50 lines, the keyword placement is always preferred at the beginning of the writing. If you look at the Google webmaster tool or read the primary blog posts for webmasters, you can find a guidance regarding Google's indexing procedure.

Maintaining the writing's appeal is another important consideration. You should never appear manufactured right away. You need to give your reader the impression that you are simply speaking with them. You are not trying to sell anything, offer a service, or draw attention to anything in particular.

Just demonstrate your main objective of leading the reader to your specific purpose. Until you have a related subject to educate your reader on, preaching or lecturing is a horrible idea. Always convey thought through your writing, as this will keep the audience interested.

Read More: Freelance Writing Advice: 3 Pieces of Advice on How to Find Online Writing Gigs That Pay Well

[ninastarkov]

gahhdkdksjsbab just finished a big section of a major english assignment and i am very relieved yet at the same time... there’s a lot to go...

[brezchez]

The difference between a want and a need

A/N:

Sooo LoZ brainrot is fierce atm. And with my exams coming up I thought what better way to practice for English language than writing a story!

The idea was that Zelda and Link are presented as opposites through their personalities and attitudes: Zelda is argumentative and fairly irrational whilst Link is compliant and composed. So it is more or less based on their canon personality traits in the original game which I deemed were complete opposites when I first played it.

Idk if I showed that as clearly in this fic but regardless I hope you enjoy it anyway.

That all being said, please enjoy :)

--------

The Great Hall - Hyrule Castle

“But Father, I do not need him!” Zelda fumed. Her father, as always, was being unnecessarily stubborn over a matter that shouldn’t have happened. The idea of having a personal knight assigned to her was simply absurd and ridiculous. She didn’t need an escort; she was sixteen, not six.

“No, Zelda. It has been decided. The dangers in Hyrule are growing out of hand. Therefore, it is essential that you be watched over and supervised in order to keep you safe, at all times,” the King replied. His demeanour was annoyingly calm, as if he didn’t understand Zelda’s anger, or even elected to ignore it entirely.

“I am not a child anymore. I am almost of age-”

“Which is all the more reason for you to be kept an eye on!” her father interrupted, this time with a more insistent tone.

Zelda almost audibly scoffed at her own stupidity to believe that she could have had a chance at winning in this feud. She should’ve known by now that arguing with her father was futile; no matter what he always got his way and she was fully aware of that after 10 years of consistent on-and-off conflicts.

Crossing her arms, the princess looked away from her father and muttered, “Sounds more like the habits of a Yiga spy to me,” under her breath.

At this, the King’s glare hardened at her.

“I will not tolerate this attitude, Zelda," he said. His voice was calm but stern, and tinted with an assertive anger that stilled Zelda’s thoughts. “Not as your father and certainly not as your king.”

Silence blanketed them like ice over a lake as his words sank in. Hands falling to her sides, Zelda bowed her head in submission and, begrudgingly, accepted defeat, as she always did.

“I apologise, Father,” she answered, trying to conceal her frustrations as best she could.

The King simply hummed. It was unclear whether he accepted her apology or merely tolerated it.

“He will be accompanying you starting from tomorrow, everywhere you go. Apart from your quarters, where he will instead be waiting and guarding outside your door. He will never leave your side and you will do no such thing to abandon him.”

The whole situation was almost laughable; it was ridiculous, Zelda thought. But before she could get a word in, her father said, “Is that understood, Zelda?”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Of course.”

There was little more she could do when he finally dismissed her.

– – – – –

1 week later:

The Ancient Columns - Tabantha

The ancient relics of the Skeikah and the ancestors from 10,000 years ago never ceased to amaze Zelda. To think that they were actually designed by people! She was sure she would never truly be able to wrap her head around the complexity of every monument or artefact they would come across.

Looking up at the wondrous structure, she slowly stepped forward, marvelling continuously at its idiosyncratic architecture and design before reaching a sort of pedestal.

Curiously, she tried placing what had been named as the ‘Sheikah slate’ against a central glowing blue symbol. But nothing happened.

The princess deduced that it must have been designed to be exclusively accessed by the sword’s chosen one, which disheartened her slightly, as she was eager to discover what was inside. But no matter, designs could always be worked around… at least she hoped.

As if in cue, the faint sound of galloping hooves was suddenly heard approaching. Zelda turned around who it was, and as she identified the horse’s rider her initial confusion turned to frustration.

It was him.

Gripping the slate a little tighter in her hands, Zelda glared at her knight annoyedly. She had already told him to leave her and wait for her at the bottom of the hill that led to the columns, hoping that it would buy her at least a little privacy and time to herself.

But no.

He just had to be her guardian angel, didn’t he?

For the past week, he had been following her constantly, wherever she went. When her father said he would never leave her side, he had meant it. It didn’t help either that her new knight barely said a word to her as well. She wasn’t sure why and she didn’t feel it was necessary to ask him for a reason, so she assumed it was because he disliked her. Wasn’t that always the one reason why people wouldn’t talk to each other?

“I thought I made it clear that I am not in need of an escort,” Zelda said, walking towards him and making little effort to hide her irritation.

The knight didn’t answer and merely stared at her.

Zelda sighed exhaustively. “It seems I am the only one with a mind of my own,” the princess retorted, then continued to order him to return to her father as she had done countless times before. She didn’t care how pointless it was to refuse his service, she did not need him!

However, the knight seemed to ignore her demands, like he always did, and as she started to walk back down the hill, he infuriatingly began to follow her again.

Zelda sighed once more, before angrily shouting, “And stop following me!”

Her blurt seemed to surprise the knight, as he halted his movements and stared at her – his eyes betraying the slightest hint of surprise. Zelda held his gaze, hoping her words would start to sink in in his stubborn mind, but she was surprised to see his eyebrows start to furrow slightly instead.

“You know why I can’t do that, your Highness,” he answered, calmly but firmly.

“And why is that?” Zelda argued, crossing her arms and tilting her head expectantly.

“The King gave me strict instructions and I must follow through with them. So, I’m sorry but I won’t stop following you. I can't."

Zelda was taken aback by his audacity. The nerve of him!

“Are you defying an order from your princess?” she asked, taking a step closer to him.

“I don’t need to follow your orders. Only the King’s,” he replied, his attitude calm and composed. Zelda stared at his expression, unsure of what she was searching for in it. But whatever it was, it was concealed annoyingly well.

She wouldn’t be able to win this fight. But of course not, she never could. Not with her father, not with her knight, not with anyone. Even with her position as princess, the only thing she could do was to sit and submit. She had power in her kingdom, but what good was it if she couldn’t do anything with it?

Zelda gave a final defiant glare at her knight, then groaned frustratedly and continued to walk down the hill – her knight and his horse close behind.

– – – – –

Kara Kara Bazaar - Gerudo Desert

The sands blazed beneath her feet as Zelda sprinted through the dunes. Her eyes frantically darted left and right seeing nothing but a blur of muted yellows and the occasional flash of red.

Zelda looked behind her for a split second, searching for her knight who had suddenly disappeared. She couldn’t see him.

But she had no time to wonder where he was. Not when she was being chased down by the Yiga.

Sand grains in the air flew into her eyes, but the princess continued to run. She couldn’t stop. She could feel the adrenaline being pumped through her blood, fighting to keep her moving as fast as she could.

Suddenly, two Yiga assassins appeared out of nowhere, blocking her path. Zelda tried turning back, but there was another waiting for her.

Her breathing shallowed. Her heart raced. Her legs buckled beneath her, plummeting her to the ground. Zelda shuffled back as the Yiga assassin neared her, but the sound of vicious sickles being drawn behind her froze her in place.

She was trapped.

Zelda looked between all three of them, terrified of who would strike first. Fear and dread enveloped her as the Yiga member to her right twirled their sickle – the blade glimmering with murderous intent under the burning sun.

They approached her, and raised their blade.

Zelda squeezed her eyes shut and readied herself for the pain as it came crashing down.

CRK-SHING!

But no blade pierced her.

Zelda warily opened her eyes and caught sight of a vicious sickle falling beside her in the sand. Then, she noticed a familiar hue of blue beside her.

It was him. Link.

The princess gazed at her knight, who stood strong and defiant against the remaining two assassins. His cerulean blue eyes were firm and courageous, showing nothing but a determination to protect her; a notion that warmed Zelda inside. Despite all her bitterness, all her resentment towards him, Link continued to stay by her. Anyone else for sure would have left afted becoming too fed up with her stubbornness, but Link stayed. His loyalty never faltered.

And that was something truly admirable about him.

Her knight gestured his head, telling her to get to a safer spot, which she obeyed too with no hesitation.

Seeing her move, a Yiga member lunged towards the princess, but Link swiftly halted their advancements. And as the second attempted to do the same, he stopped them just as efficiently. The three were quickly engaged in a fight - the sharp sounds of metal clashing and clanging ringing throughout the dunes as blades met barrier.

Link easily gained the upper hand. There was no hesitation in his movements. No wavering uncertainty. No fear. Every swing of his legendary sword was done with purpose, with intent, as if his fighting patterns were each carefully planned which resulted in flawless execution.

The same could be said for his use of his shield, which was traditionally a defensive asset in a soldier's arsenal. Yet somehow, he had managed to utilise it as an offensive tact. Through the use of "parrying" as Zelda once heard Urbosa call it.

The princess watched her knight from her safe place behind a rock, seeing his fluid movements that displayed an element of grace as well as aggression.

Some might have said that he looked like a work of art in that moment. (And Zelda would have been one of them.)

Finally, Link disposed of the last Yiga assassin, drawing out his blade from their chest and kicking their lifeless corpse to the ground, allowing the sands to pull them under and fuse them in time with Mother Nature. Sheathing his sword, he looked around, searching for the princess. He caught the glimpse of her golden locks behind a rock and ran to her.

"Your Highness," Link said, kneeling in front of her. "Are you hurt?" he asked, concern laced his voice. Zelda smiled reassuringly.

"I am safe and unharmed," she said as she met his eyes and watched the worry in them melt away like the snows of winter under a warming sun.

"Thank Hylia." She heard him mutter under his breath, relieved. Biting her lip, Zelda looked away for a moment before meeting her knight's gaze again.

"Thank you," she said softly, "For saving me."

Link's eyes widened in surprise; he wasn't used to gratitude, especially one coming from the princess, who had originally been detesting him for weeks and voicing her hatred profusely. However, it seemed that she heard his thoughts, as she continued…

"I know I have not been the most gracious and kindest soul to you these past few weeks," she began. Link listened intently. "But I realise that I may have been taking you for granted. It seems that you play a much bigger role than I had initially assumed. For that I am… sorry."

If someone had told Link that the same princess he had been assigned to look after 4 weeks ago would be apologising to him now, he would have called that person barking mad. Yet here he was, hearing a heartfelt apology straight from her.

Link couldn't help the slight curve on his lips as he replied, "You're forgiven your Highness. And you're welcome."

Zelda exhaled relievedly and smiled softly.

Perhaps she did need him after all.

--------

Pt. 2?

[collecting-stories]

She’s Kinda Hot - Sarah Cameron

Request: omg i really wish i could write but, can you do one with sarah and kind of like kie reader(rich but hang out with the pogues)where they are enemies and are stuck together for a project and the reader keeps annoying sarah to make her mad and the reader tells sarah she’s hot when she’s mad and then they end up getting together or something. sorry this is really long this is also my first time requesting so i’m kinda new lo

A/N: I really freaking love Sarah Cameron. That is all. Enjoy the fic. 

Outer Banks Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Sarah was pretty sure that there was one of those personal rain clouds hanging directly over her head as she sat in math class with you. Who even assigned school projects in math class? Wasn’t that kind of thing reserved for english or science? But no, her math teacher...your math teacher...decided that a project to highlight Women in Math was a brilliant idea for Women’s History Month and, in an even greater stroke of genius, she stuck Sarah and you together as partners. It was all your fault really, that was all Sarah kept thinking as she stared across the classroom at the side of your head. That if you hadn’t walked into class late, in the middle of assignments, Sarah would’ve ended up with the next person alphabetically behind Cameron. Instead, she was stuck with you. 

“Why don’t we just split the assignment into parts and then put it together at the end?” Sarah suggested, after the bell rang and she managed to chase you down the hall of the kook academy to your locker.  

“Why not just work together?” You replied, shrugging a shoulder as if it shouldn’t be the worst thing that could ever happen to Sarah to be paired together for the project.

“I’d rather not.”

“Cause you broke up with me-”  

Sarah hushed you immediately, covering your mouth with her hand and looking back and forth down the crowded hallway. “You know what happened!”  

You pushed Sarah’s hand away and rolled your eyes, “well too bad princess, I need this grade so you’re gonna have to deal with seeing me.” You said, “everyday. After school.”  

“That’s bullshit,” Sarah snapped, following after you when you shut your locker and started down the hallway to your next class, “you do not need that fucking grade! You’re at like, the top of the class.”  

“Are you the teacher?” you asked, looking back at her. “Don’t worry Sarah, I promise I’ll stay six feet away and I won’t try to tempt you. Wouldn’t want anyone to find out you’re into girls.” You said, whispering the last part so only she could hear it.  

Sarah stopped in her tracks, watching you walk the rest of the way to your class. She wanted to scream after you, that wasn’t the reason. That wasn’t why she’d totally annexed you from her life. It wasn’t just that she knew this project was going to get her in deep shit, it was that she was one hundred percent positive that she would not be able to work with you without letting her feelings get the better of her.  

It wasn’t like the kook academy was a big place, there wasn’t exactly room to avoid you completely, but Sarah had done a pretty decent job so far. Even when the two of you crossed paths in class, and it happened more than Sarah would’ve preferred, she managed to keep herself away from you. At least until now, she was stuck with you as her partner for some ridiculous math project. She’d been banking on you wanting as little to do with her as she tried to have with you but instead you seemed totally fine. Unbothered by everything that went down between the two of you.  

She thought about asking Kiara what she would do but Sarah could already hear her best friend telling her that she wasn’t going to take sides. Kiara was friends with both of you and the most advice she would ever offer was “I don’t get what happened between you two anyway”.  

No, asking Kiara wouldn’t work. Sarah would have to resign herself to this project. She could this. It was just a three-week project. She could survive three weeks with you.  

“Hey, if I get lunch, what’d’ya want?” You asked, hanging your head off of Sarah’s bed and holding your phone out so you could tap through your doordash app.  

Sarah wanted to scream, it was still half-way through the first week and you had been to her house three times in as many days, spending your after-school hours driving her crazy. She was pretty sure that you were doing this on purpose.  

“It’s almost 5:30,” Sarah replied, not looking up from her laptop, “I think lunch is over.”

“Dinner then.” You said.  

“No. I don’t want dinner.” She snapped, “and I don’t want lunch or whatever else...I just want to finish this project.”

“We’ve got like, two weeks left Sarah,” you pointed out, rolling over onto your stomach and looking at her across the room, “just chill out.”  

You knew you were pushing Sarah’s buttons but you couldn’t help it. When things between the two of you had gone bad, when she’d told you that it was over and, worse than that, it was a mistake, you had been heartbroken. There wasn’t a better word for it. You hated how upset you’d been after Sarah broke it off with you but when things settled, you couldn’t deny that there was still something there. Little looks, fleeting in the hallway, moments you caught her staring and you knew she caught you too. It felt like boiling tension, the same way it had before, when you’d gotten together.  

“Chill out?” She huffed, “you’ve been at my house all week driving me fucking nuts and now you tell me to ‘chill out’. No, you need to help me with this fucking project!”  

You sat up on the bed, unable to contain the smile as you looked over at Sarah, “god, I totally forgot how insanely hot you are when you’re pissed off.”  

Sarah tossed her pencil across the room at you, “will you knock it off. You always pull this shit with me.”

“What shit?” You almost laughed, “you’re the one who told me that dating was an ‘accident’ and you were ‘confused about your feelings’. What am I doing, exactly, to pull shit with you? If anything, Sarah, you leading me on was pretty much exactly that.”  

“I wasn’t leading you on.” She groaned, flicking her hair over her shoulder the way she always did when she was pissed with something someone said to her. “What was I supposed to do anyway?” She said, voice dropping lower so no one would hear her. You might’ve been in her closed bedroom but if there was one thing you’d learned about Tanny Hill it was that someone was always listening. “Do you know what my family would do if they found out?”

“Found out that you were dating...basically a pogue? Or dating a girl?” You deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at her in question. You knew what the answer was. Sarah had been trying to live up to every expectation that Ward set for her from the moment she was born. She was always trying to make up for Rafe or Wheezie doing something to upset him by making sure she never did. And while other people dating whoever they wanted was totally fine with him, his favorite daughter, his pride and joy, dating a girl...maybe if it’d been Wheezie a few years down the line. But not Sarah, who was supposed to date a rich kook and go to UNC and marry the same rich kook and they could have a couple kids and buy a big house near his. He’d been planning it all out for her since before she was born and you had thrown a wrench in that plan.  

“It’s a delicate subject.”

“No,” you laughed and shook your head, “your dad’s a total homophobe. What’s he got against two super-hot girls dating each other?”

“When one of them is his daughter, I don’t think it’s at the top of his approved list.” She replied. “We should be working on this project anyway...I want a good grade and so do you.”

“Sarah-”

“No. Cause you’ll say something that you know I wanna hear and then you’ll do the stupid slow walk over to my chair and put your hands on the arm rests and I’ll be totally defenseless and then I’ll do something I totally regret...like kissing you.” Sarah said, “or letting you kiss me.”

“You’d totally regret it if we kissed?” You asked. “Positive?”

“Yes I’m positive.”

“We could test it out? Just to make sure?”

“No.”  

You shrugged, grabbing your math text off the bed and setting it on your lap again, “okay, I guess we should get back to work then.”

“What?” Sarah almost sounded shocked and really she shouldn’t have been. She should’ve known when the teacher put the two of you together for the project that this was exactly where she would end up at some point within the three weeks. Though really, she’d held out a lot longer than she ever thought she would be able to. “That’s it? You’re just going back to the project?”

“You said that’s what you wanted to do.”

She groaned and tugged at the roots of her hair for a second before looking at you, “you are the most frustrating, annoying, dense person in the entire world and I cannot believe that we-”

While she reamed you out, you had put your book aside and gotten up, going over to her and doing exactly what she said you would. You put your hands on the armrests of her desk chair and you leaned in and kissed her mid-sentence. “Is that what I was supposed to do?” You asked, pulling away just enough to see her face.  

Sarah wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you toward her and forcing you to stabilize yourself with a knee on the side of her leg, practically sitting on her lap. “Something like that.” She finally said, “though I would’ve appreciated a little warning.”

“Oh, sorry, you seemed stressed,” you replied, feigning innocence, “I just wanted to help you relax.”

“Is stressed the word?” She joked, tension melting as she brushed her nose against yours. She leaned forward so your foreheads were touching, her eyelashes just ghosting a touch on your cheeks when she closed her eyes for a split second.  

“Extremely hot? Sexy...a major turn on.” You joked, kissing her again. “God, imagine if you’d been paired with like...Topper for this? You’d be kissing him right now.”

“Stop trying to ruin the moment and kiss me.” Sarah laughed.

[langbloor]

On Language, Pronouns, and Gender - Part II : Hindi

TL;DR : Hindi has no gendered pronouns but has gendered verbs. Every noun is gendered in Hindi - even abstract nouns such as ideas, phenomena, concepts, etc. Verb inflections and second person pronouns in a sentence encode that gender information.

Link to Masterpost

Part I : Japanese

Part III : Bengali

Note : I am a native Hindi speaker but not a linguist. I last studied hardcore Hindi grammar in 8th grade and I am in my mid-20s which means I may write things that purists may find off. If I make a grammar mistake, feel free to point out/correct me/start a discussion. But be polite about it please!

You read that TL;DR right! Hindi has no gendered pronouns! Despite that, I think Hindi is one of, if not the most gendered languages out there. Though, gender in Hindi, to me personally as a native speaker, feels much more nebulous than in English - not sure if all native speakers agree since gender is something so personal and unique to a person. Especially in their native language!

The amusing part about gender in Hindi is that it gets assigned to words regardless of whether they are living or nonliving, animate or inanimate, concrete or abstract. Nouns conveying ideas, concepts, phenomena, etc have a gender. Most of these things aren't even capable of using a first/second/third person identifier! So maybe using verbs to include gender information of things and ideas sorta makes sense....? (note : this is how I justify Hindi's gender bs and this is my conspiracy theory, not a known fact and I might be completely off).

Let's take a deeper look at this and consider the Hindi translation to the English proverb - 'To each their own'. The English proverb isn't gendered and uses the explicitly gender neutral pronoun 'their' to denote the gender neutrality of the usage of 'Own'. The Hindi alternative is 'जैसी जिसकी सोच / Jaisi jiski soch'. The transliteration of that would actually be 'Whatever one's own thinking may be' but the contextual usage of the phrase is the same as 'To each their own'. Hindi speakers or folks even vaguely familiar with Hindi will notice the usage of 'जैसी/Jaisi' or 'जिसकी/jiski' - both of which are gendered female usage of 'Whatever/how ever/whichever' and 'one's own/their own'. So what's going on here? Does the Hindi version imply the proverb is only for female identifying folks? No! That's because unlike the English alternative, it is not the 'own' that is being gendered here! It is सोच/Soch! सोच means thought/think and can be used both as a noun (thought) and a verb (to think) and is gendered female. That's correct, no matter Your gender, all your thoughts are female. Both 'Jaisi' and 'Jiski' are gendering Soch/Thought. जैसा जिसका सोच (Jaisa jiska soch), which uses the male inflections 'jaisa' and 'jiska' would be grammatically incorrect since the subject of the phrase is still the female word 'Soch'. 'Own', which is the subject of the English version is actually folded into 'Jiski' and doesn't need to be explicitly stated here.

The above is an example of a gendered abstract noun. Now let's look at gendered verbs. Consider, once again -

English - I am eating (gender neutral)

Hindi (Male) - मैं खा रहा हूँ।(Main kha raha hoon)

Hindi (Female) - मैं खा रही हूँ। (Main kha rahi hoon)

The first person pronoun in both these translations is मैं/Main. Note that this 'Main' doesn't rhyme with chain and should instead be pronounced as something closer to Meh with the 'h' replaced by a nasal tone (don't feel like you have to get this right now, I'm just being explicit to slightly avoid things being wildly mispronounced due to the limitations of the English alphabet). The verb here is खा (kha/eat) with a progressive inflection denoted by 'रहा/raha' or 'रही/rahi'. हूँ /hoon is sort of an auxiliary verb and can be considered a translation for 'is'. The verb inflection (raha/rahi) is where the gender information here is. This is usually the case in Hindi for almost every noun. In very casual speech, you can again omit the first person pronoun and say 'kha raha hoon' or 'kha rahi hoon' (just like Japanese) but that still leaves you with the verbs where the gender information is encoded in. So what now? Is it impossible to escape the gender binary as a Hindi speaker? Well, not quite. Here are a few suggestions on how to go gender neutral in Hindi-

Suggestion 1 : Polite Speech with Second Person Pronouns

Hindi, like most Asian languages, has a casual speech and a polite speech. Polite speech in Hindi doesn't quite change how you refer to yourself in first person but the sentence structure significantly changes when speaking in second (or third) person. The English second person pronoun 'You' simply doesn't capture all the connotations and context. Here are the levels of politeness in Hindi (M is male gendered and F is female gendered)-

Rude/Very Casual - तू/तेरा/तेरी (Tu/Tera (M)/Teri (F); You/yours)

Casual - तुम/तुम्हारा/तुम्हारी (Tum/Tumhara (M)/Tumhari (F); You/yours)

Polite - आप/आपका/आपकी (Aap/Aapka (M)/ Aapki (F); You/yours)

There is actually no escaping the gender binary with the Casual/Rude versions. However, with the Polite version, you can, in most cases, get away with using the male inflections for any gender. Maybe there is a rant to be written somewhere about 'why male default?' here but that's not for this post or this blog at this time. The point here is, male inflections of आप don't sound off even if you are using them for non masc folks. Here's an example -

English - What will you eat?

Hindi (Polite, Explicitly female) - आप क्या खाएँगी? (Aap kya Khayengi?)

Hindi (Polite, Male/gender neutral alternative) - आप क्या खाएँगे? (Aap kya khayenge?)

I use she/her pronouns in English and female verb inflections in Hindi. If someone addressed to me with the 'Male' translation of 'What will you eat?' in order to not gender me, I won't find it odd at all. This doesn't quite work with तू/Tu or तुम/Tum - the casual You alternatives. If someone asked me 'Tu kya khayega? (Male version)' instead of 'Tu kya khayegi? (Female version)', ignoring the fact that they are being very rude, I would also find it weird and feel very misgendered. 'Tum kya khaoge?' (male version) wouldn't be very rude to me but I would again feel misgendered if I'm not asked 'Tum kya khaogi?' (Female) instead. Polite speech 'Aap' as a second person pronoun bypasses all that. But this is just second person and the rest of the language is still very gendered and you can't really be polite to everyone at all times - being polite to people too close to you or are your friends/peers may seem very weird. So what now? Consider suggestion 2.

Suggestion 2 : Plural First Person Pronoun as a gender neutral alternative

Fun fact about Hindi, the third person pronouns aren't really gendered - much like the first person pronouns. The casual third person pronoun in literary Hindi is वह (Wah, pronounced similar to Wuh) and the version that gets used in colloquial speech is वो (Wo). The polite literary version is वे (We, pronounced similar to Way) though it doesn't get frequently used in colloquial speech and verb inflections paired with वो/Wo are used to contextualize politeness levels. However, these are all gender neutral pronouns and once again, the gender information gets packed into the verbs. But hold on now, this is all standard textbook Hindi and this isn't all there is to it!

So uh, remember when I said I use female first person verb inflections? Well, that's not quite true because I speak Bihari Hindi. Hindi vastly differs regionally. Bollywood Hindi often reflects what my mom calls Mumbaiya Hindi or at most Delhi Hindi. They do 'try' to highlight UP Hindi or Bihari Hindi from time to time, but it never feels natural and, as a native Bihari Hindi speaker, I can always tell if it was rehearsed or if the actor speaks like this natively (Drop in my askbox if you want me to judge an actor's Bihari or UP Hindi).

Something unique to the Hindi spoken in Bihar, Jharkhand, and Eastern/Central UP is the usage of the plural first person pronoun 'हम/Hum' for self instead of a collective. Simply replacing the already gender neutral 'मैं/Main' may seem futile, but it does change the verb inflections. Watch this -

English - I am going.

Hindi (Standard, Female) - मैं जा रही हूँ। (Main ja rahi hoon.)

Hindi (Standard, Male) - मैं जा रहा हूँ। (Main ja raha hoon.)

Hindi (Bihari, Gender neutral) - हम जा रहे हैं। (Hum ja rahe hain.)

And voila! We have gotten rid of the gendered progressive raha/rahi and instead changed it to the gender neutral 'rahe (pronounced - rahey)'. Note that contemporary standard Hindi would classify the Bihari Hindi alternative as grammatically incorrect for first person singular and only to be used for first person plural. But as someone who speaks Bihari Hindi, this is how I talk. Most of my speech when referring to myself is gender neutral. When I refer to others, I often use male inflections with the exception of second or third person casual speech (Tu/Tum or Wo sentences). This approach does have a few caveats. If you already speak standard Hindi and are not around Bihari/UP Hindi constantly, it might be hard to suddenly switch or pick it up from scratch. The other, even worse caveat is stigma. Bihar and UP are among some of the states where blue collar workers migrate out of the state to earn their bread. Bihari Hindi, nationwide, very much has an image of the working class associated with it and is looked down upon due to the classism and casteism ingrained in Indian society. I speak Bihari Hindi unbashedly, because that is me and I am not going to change how I talk just because other people may find it 'odd', but if you are outside of the Eastern Gangetic Plains and considering switching to Bihari Hindi for gender neutrality, people may find your Hindi 'weird' and comment on it.

Suggestion 3 : Change the subject

Another thing to note is nuance and context and how much of that omits personal gender information. We noted above that 'Jiski' in the 'To each their own' translation already folds in 'own', entirely removing the need to gender it. Similarly, you can do this trick where you change the subject of your sentence to something else entirely and remove the need to gender people. Here's an example -

English - What do you think about this? (Gender neutral, second person)

Hindi (male, casual) - इस बारे में तुम क्या सोचते हो? (Is barey me tum kya sochte ho?)

Here, 'sochte' is the male inflection for 'soch' (think). Female version would be 'sochti'. Here are some gender neutral alternatives (underlining the new subjects and their gender inflections)-

इस बारे में तुम्हारी क्या राय है? (Is barey me tumhari kya raay hai?)

इस बारे में तुम्हारा क्या ख़याल है? (Is barey me tumhara kya khayal hai?)

इस बारे में तुम्हारी सोच क्या है? (Is barey me tumhari soch kya hai?)

New subjects were : Raay (opinion; male), Khayal (thought, opinion; male), Soch (thought; female). Note that synonyms may have different genders. But that's not the beast I am tackling in this post. I have successfully made multiple 'gender neutral' alternatives to a sentence that was gendering the person I was talking to! I may have changed the original English to 'What are your thoughts/opinions on this?' in the process, but the overall meaning was retained. These three are not even the only options. Honestly, just find nouns that can replace your verbs and change the subject to the new noun you found and then gender that! Simple, yeah? Hmm no not really. All of this is actually very instinctive for native speakers and the mess that gender in Hindi is, takes time to learn and work through.

Despite all that, I do feel more nebulous about gender in Hindi than I do in English. Maybe the fact that everything is gendered has something to do with it? Native speakers misgender things in Hindi all the time, though in a very specific way that is very hard for me to put my finger on as a native speaker myself. Although, native speakers can tell when non-native speakers misgender things because sometimes, they get caught up in who to gender in their verbs, themselves or the abstract thing they are talking about. More than often, non-native speakers gender themselves in a sentence instead of the concept, which is the subject that should be gendered. Hindi translation of 'Your thoughts' will always have 'thoughts' gendered instead of 'your' for instance. It is not like native speakers are perfectly clear about what to gender in a sentence either, but we don't think about it and go with a gut feeling - something that you can only develop in a language after either years or practice or cultural assimilation or if it is your native language.

I always have a lot to say about Hindi and gender in Hindi but this is where this post ends. Gender is difficult in Hindi but maybe us Hindi speakers should think more about it and talk more about it and try to come up with our own approaches on how to respect people's genders and gender nonconformity in our language. Much internal conversation needs to be had!

Check out Part I here if you haven't already and see you in Part III!