#I need some way to discourage people before they get that far

[shititskat]

Y’know, when I say “unfortunately we’re friends now” I absolutely mean it. You’ve just gotten on a terrible chaotic ride and there is no way off except death.

[citrus-moonlight]

As I often do, I've seen a few posts going around lately lamenting the lack of interaction with fanfiction/fanart here on Tumblr as well as AO3, but after reading a particular comment last night I just need to say this:

If someone tells you that the lack of response to sharing their writing is making them feel so upset that they're thinking of quitting writing altogether, don't tell them that's not a good mindset to have and they should just have fun with it and write for themselves. (have you just tried not being sad? you'll feel so much better!)

Even if you're a writer who felt that way once upon a time but then you changed your mindset so that you don't rely on others' feedback for validation and now you're so much happier, that's not helpful. Because that's obviously not what the person who is feeling sad and defeated is able to do right now, and for most writers/creators that's never going to be possible.

And it shouldn't have to be.

Especially here. Especially fanfiction.

Fanfiction is something that's created because someone loves something and wants to share it with others who love the same thing. And this is specifically a fandom space, somewhere that is supposed to be a community where discussion and dialogue can and is encouraged to happen between the people who write and the people who read. So when there's radio silence when you share something in this kind of space, do you really not see how that would be discouraging?

Because of course I write for myself - I would never get anything down on the page if I didn't - but I share because ultimately I want someone else out there to read what I wrote, and with any luck, to get some joy out of it. But if no one tells me they did, how am I supposed to know? As far as I know I've just been yelling into the void. As far as I know, all that work wasn't worth it.

A metaphor I've seen as an example is that it would be like having someone invite you over and cooking an entire delicious, heartfelt meal, you eat it all without saying anything, and then just leave. Do you not see how that would be upsetting?

We put so much of ourselves into what we write, bits of our hearts and souls and the things that we love and are exploring and are interested in or confused about. It's such a vulnerable thing to share something you've created, so when you tell someone that they shouldn't care if someone else reads what they wrote or tells them that they liked it, you're dismissing a very real and valid experience for so many creators out there.

Because regardless of how slow or fast a writer is, or how big or small their fandom is, it's still hard and takes time and energy and dedication and love - all of it in between our day to day lives from the mundanities to the heartbreaks - to even get something to the point where we're comfortable sharing.

Now, I know that not everyone thinks that writers are silly or selfish or entitled when they ask for feedback. Before I started writing again after many, many years, the main reason I didn't really comment on fics very often wasn't because I didn't think that the authors deserved feedback, it was more that I didn't really think that it would matter. That my comments would just be noted - if read at all - and brushed aside and then they would continue on about their day.

I could not have possible been more wrong. You might think you're just one person and it's just one comment but it's amazing how it can turn a day (or week, or month) around. How it can encourage someone to finish a story, or make a connection they'd been struggling with, or even just manage to add 500 words to a WIP. It is truly incredible to hear that someone loved something I wrote, and if you've ever commented on or reblogged one of my fics, please know that it truly means the world to me.

I've gone through a rough time with all of this lately myself, but I'm doing a bit better now (for the moment), so I just wanted to say this, in part to remind myself when it inevitably gets hard again:

If you're reading this, whether you're a friend or you've never seen me on your dash and never will again: I'm sorry it hurts right now. I'm sorry you feel discouraged and lonely, that it doesn't feel like it's worth it anymore, that you're struggling to find a reason to continue.

But I desperately hope that you keep writing. I hope you keep sharing. You're worth it. I know it's hard, and if you don't want to and you're just tired of the cycle of giving so much of yourself and getting so little in return, I understand that, too. It's ok to be in your feelings about it, it's ok to feel drained by it, and even though knowing you're not alone in your experience doesn't change anything and it still sucks, it's normal and valid and there's nothing wrong with you feeling the way that you do.

But I hope that you are able to find the joy in it again, because you deserve it. ❤️

[slytherinshua]

A JERK. OR NOT?

genre. fluff. warnings. eunseok is a tiny bit jerk... he teases a lot. but he's actually whipped. pairing. eunseok x fem!reader. wc. 1.9k. request. requested by @eternalgyu: JDJSJS OK LISTEN EUNSEOK ACADEMIC E2L- HES ACTUALLY BULLYCORE TO HIS CLOSE FRIENDS BUT HES ALSO THE SWEETEST WHEN HES IN LOVE like he would make u miss ur bus after school and it would rain but then would walk u home w an umbrella HSJSJSJ IM SO DOWN BAD FOR HIM a/n. hehe i ate up this req TBH EUNSEOK IS SO HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND THO??? i literally love him what

You had no idea how you had ended up in this position; somehow charming the school’s most popular guy. Most popular and biggest jerk. But God, who even cared if he was mean when he looked like an angel sent down from heaven to grace the school grounds?

Whenever someone new came to the school, there were several things that they were immediately made aware of. Most of them were given a list or told directly by one of the older students, while others learned naturally within a week of being at Chungdam High. 

First? Eating outside was infinitely better than eating in the canteen.

Second? Being late was worse than being absent.

And third? Song Eunseok was the king of the school.

New students could probably just tell from the way he carried himself that he knew he could get anyone to do what he wanted. He was lazy, slept in class, cut in line at the snackbar, toyed with the younger students for his own amusement. He never truly bullied people, but he tread the line sometimes, and you didn’t like it.

You weren’t new to the school. You had been attending since you graduated middle school, and you were ever aware of all 3 of these things. It wasn’t until you were in your graduating year that the third thing became as apparent as ever. For some reason— whether it was a Summer glow-up that you weren’t aware of, or a dare from his friends, or whether he had truly always liked you— at the very beginning of the year, Eunseok had asked you out.

You thought that rejecting him the first time would discourage him from his… fixation. But, to your dismay, after coming back from the fall break, he seemed as determined as ever to win you over. He even somehow got the seating arrangement to change so he sat right behind you. You spent the fall months trying to ignore his constant pestering and note passing. He liked to kick your feet under the table as well.

You didn’t really mind the most handsome guy at school paying attention to you, but you were confused. You definitely weren’t going to blindly accept his offer to be your boyfriend without first getting to know him, which was your secret mission for now.

Given that you didn’t go out of your way to avoid him, and still engaged in conversations with him, Eunseok kept his hopes up despite your original rejection. He was more sensible than his reputation might have painted for him. Yes, he enjoyed teasing people just to see their annoyed face, but bullying was a step too far even for him. 

Maybe it was his need for attention, but he thrived on anything he could get. Whether it was the girls all having crushes on him or the boys all being jealous of him— he tried to make sure that he was at the top of everyone’s mind. But he wasn’t a bully. Anyone with any sense would know that Chungdam High did not have a bullying problem, but if anyone were to fill in that spot, it would probably be Eunseok and his friends.

It was because of this ambiguity that you weren’t quite sure whether you should be wary of Eunseok or not. He had never shown an interest in you before, and you wanted to be positive that his affection was sincere before allowing your heart to be affected by his flirting tactics.

Flirting? Yeah, he was quite good at that, you realized after a week of his attention. Only because he had mastered flirting in a way that was not cliche or cheesy, but hanging in that sweet spot of summoning butterflies every time a word flew out of his mouth. Along with his stupidly attractive smirk that appeared whenever you blushed because of his words, you were quickly failing in your plan to be unaffected by him until you were sure you wanted to accept his offer.

It was a delicate balance of your brain’s hesitance and your heart’s curiosity. You had never been in love, and though sometimes you didn’t want to accept it, you craved experiencing that more than anything.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and you were sitting in the library during your free period. You had come in to get some work done, but instead you found yourself mulling over how Eunseok had acted around you for the last week. You still couldn’t tell whether he was being genuine or not, and that frustrated you. You decided you would just ask him the next time you saw him. Worst case scenario, you would discover that he really was just a jerk trying to play with your emotions.

It seemed as if he wanted that ‘next time’ to be right now, because he pulled out a chair across from you and sat down. He crossed his arms and propped up his feet on the table, blatantly ignoring library etiquette. You shook your head and scoffed, turning your attention back to your very blank notebook.

“You’ve been in here for an hour yet I haven’t seen you turn a single page.” Eunseok started, a smirk already playing on his lips. He had his secret hopes and suspicions that he might be the reason why you were so distracted today. He needed to test out the waters first, though. Your cheeks immediately coloured at being caught, and Eunseok was given a surge of confidence.

“If you’re not planning to study anyway, how about I buy you something at the snack bar? Hello Panda, right? Those are your favourite?” He was already standing up by the time you found yourself nodding your head. You had no choice but to pack up your books and follow him.

“Hey,” You started, taking the chance to ask him your question while he was buying the snacks for you. “Do you seriously like me? This isn’t some stupid dare that Sungchan made you do, right?” 

He was silent for a few moments— maybe the first time you had ever heard him stop and think. He grabbed the packet of Hello Panda from the bottom of the vending machine and turned to you.

“Yes. I actually like you.” His face was almost completely stonelike. He was trying not to express anything that could give away just how much he was entirely whipped for you. You could see it in his eyes, though. They looked nervous awaiting your answer.

“Really?” You asked skeptically, needing one more confirmation before you would allow yourself to fully believe him. You wanted to believe him. It was hard trying to ignore his affections towards you every day when your brain kept telling you to take this chance and experience love for the first time. 

“Yes. Really. How long are you going to keep asking that?” He said, a little on edge from the situation. It was uncomfortable to have to confess so openly. He could tease you all day without feeling nervous, but when you were staring at him so closely, he started to feel vulnerable. 

“Okay. Just making sure…” You grabbed the Hello Panda from his hands and walked off, heart racing just a little faster than your mind. He really liked you? So then… should you ask him out? You shook off the thought as you walked outside. Your bus would be arriving any minute, and you wanted to get home to think in the comfort of your bedroom.

You frowned as you stepped outside. It was raining— a small sprinkle for now, but it looked like it would only get heavier. You didn’t bring an umbrella. You checked your phone for the time.

Shit.

It was already 4:08. Your bus was probably already close to the bus stop. You took off running, eyes widening as you rounded the corner. The bus was already leaving. 

“No- No! Come back!” You shouted helplessly, slowing down as you caught up to the bus stop. You panted, scowling at your luck. You would’ve been on time if Eunseok hadn’t distracted you by buying you snacks. You supposed you shouldn’t blame him too much. It was a nice gesture. You were doubtful that the Hello Panda would stay nice if you had to walk home in the rain, though. There wasn’t another bus for over 30 minutes.

“Hey! How could you just leave like that!?” You heard a shout and turned. Eunseok was running towards you, his hand shielding his face from the rain that had gotten significantly heavier since you had reached the shelter of the bus stop. It looked like he didn’t have an umbrella either.

“What do you mean?” You muttered, looking away from him to stop your heart from racing further. 

“You’re really not going to say anything?” He asked weakly. 

“Get out of the rain.” You said, hoping to divert the conversation from the topic you still weren’t entirely sure about.

“Not until you give me an answer.” He said firmly and you sighed. “Please, I’ll stop if you say so… But I need you to say it. I’ve liked you for a year now. If you don’t tell me to stop then I’m seriously going to cross a line.” He warned, heart all choked up in his throat. 

You weren’t sure what to say or do. Eunseok stood, getting soaked from the rain, waiting anxiously for your response. You would be lying if you said that his flirtation over the past months hadn’t had an effect on you. You felt the sparks fly— you had reason to think that it could work out. 

“I’ve never… dated before.” You confessed nervously.

“That shouldn’t- No, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is if you want to.” He reassured you, his hopes rising every second that you didn’t say no.

“Then… I like you, Eunseok.” You whispered, just loud enough for him to hear it. Even though you said it softly, it rang around his head like an alarm. 

You liked him?

You liked him.

You liked him.

He couldn’t contain his elation, and rushed forward, capturing you in his arms securely. Though he was soaking wet from the rain, having him hold you felt… pleasant. Much nicer than you had ever anticipated. His touch was cold against your skin but your heart felt warm. Droplets of water from his hair dripped onto your shoulder as you hesitantly reached around to reciprocate the hug. 

You heard him giggle. It was adorable. You had rarely seen him smile unless it was a sarcastic smirk, but hearing that sound of pure joy coming from his mouth and knowing that it was because of you triggered your own happiness to spike. It felt nice. Really nice. You didn’t want to let go of the hug, so even when Eunseok started to move away and apologize for hugging you so suddenly, you pulled him back and buried your head further into his chest. He was taken aback by your sudden action.

“You’re so… cute.” He whispered. You smiled, colour rushing to your cheeks. You hid your face even more just in case he saw. His teasing was bad before, but now that you were sure you liked him, it wouldn’t be annoying, it would be embarrassing.

Unfortunately for you, he somehow did catch a glimpse of the blush and didn’t let it go for the entire walk home. Maybe he was still just a little bit of a jerk.

↳ riize taglist: @eternalgyu,, @kangtaehyunzzz,, @weird-bookworm,, @haecien,, @seolboba,, @cyberpunksunwoo,, @cosmicwintr, @chiiyuuvv,, @evalevaeva

[wntrs0ldier]

AN OFFER II · 04

pairing: mob!bucky x reader words: 3,4k warnings: mafia, language, violence, mature themes, dark themes, smut, punishing, spanking, edging, toxic behavior,

Bucky brought his hand up to your face. “You know I won’t hurt you,” he said. His hand slid a little lower; it gripped your jaw, and his fingers dug almost painfully into your cheeks. “But,” he licked his lips, shrugging, “you lied to me. And you won't get away with it.”

series masterlist

The situation you got yourself into was strikingly similar to your last date with John Walker — you were sitting in a fancy restaurant, trying not to show how much you needed some man's favor. There were also a few differences; seated in front of you was not John, but Adrian Lancy, it was not about a marriage proposal and your future, but the future of your gallery, and most importantly, Bucky had no idea about any of this. Although, he knew you were going out — he would have noticed your disappearance anyway — but you told him you were having dinner with Connie. You didn't think Bucky would want to make sure that was really the case, but you preferred to be safe than sorry, and asked your friend to lie if necessary. Connie didn't even think about it; she agreed before you finished your sentence.

Earlier, you didn't see Adrian as a threat — he didn't seem like someone who would go too far to get his way. Nevertheless, you were all smiles between the meals. Why? Because facing the fact that you had a husband, rather than just imagining it, caused some unexplained change in him, and from a sensible young man you were pinning your hopes on, he became someone gripped by a obsession; his propositions for meetings sounded a little more aggressive, lost their previous lightness, and you eventually grew afraid. Not about yourself — whenever the ring on your finger entered your field of vision, you forgot about any fear. It seemed to you that no one could hurt you, not when you bore the name of Barnes. 

But the gallery was different.

“I'm going to Paris soon,” Adrian began. “On business, of course, not for pleasure,” he added, as if you were to take him for a man who has nothing to do but travel. 

“Mhmm.”

“I thought you could come with me,” he continued. Surprised by the processes that must have occurred in his mind, you raised your eyebrows. “You know about art,” he hurried to clarify, “and I'd love to buy some pieces for my new apartment. I will pay you for this service.”

“You know that there are people you can actually hire for this. People you won't spend that much on.” You tilted your head to the side, watching him carefully. “Because I am expensive. Very expensive,” you said, hoping to discourage him. 

“I want you.”

“Adrian…” you sighed. “I can't come to Paris with you just like that.” 

Not hiding his disappointment, he pressed his lips tightly together. “Well,” he shrugged casually, “if you don't go with me, you won't see any more of my money. And I'll make sure that no one will ever invest in you again. In short, I will destroy you, Y/N. So you'd better think it over and give me an answer by the end of the week.”

Refusing to let any negative expression cast a shadow on your face, you watched him. You couldn't give him the satisfaction, even if, when agreeing to this meeting, you didn't expect it to turn out this way. The change you feared earlier had just taken a full turn — much faster than you thought. “Sure.” You forced a sweet smile. “I’ll think about it.”

A waiter appeared at the table. At first you thought it was just a routine check; that he was making sure you weren't missing anything. Only after you gave him a little more conscious attention did you notice a bottle of wine in his hands. A very expensive bottle. As if Adrian wanted to let you know that he had the resources you needed, and that he was spending his fortune on something as unnecessary as wine, which was only meant to impress.

But Adrian seemed confused, too. “There must be some mistake. I didn’t order any wine.” 

“I was told it is from Mr. Barnes.”You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling an unpleasant warmth spilling all over your stomach. You stared at the bottle in a stupor. So he knew — Bucky knew very well where you were, which meant he also knew who you were with.

You weren't sure how long you had been standing in front of the door to your apartment, but eventually realized that such behavior qualified as absurd — the accompanying fear, that you had been convinced you lacked only a few hours earlier, was undoubtedly irrational. Or at least that's what you had to trick yourself into thinking in order to finally grab the door handle. 

You hung up your purse on a hanger and slipped the high heels off your feet. You were able to name at least five much scarier situations that had occurred in your entire life, yet you couldn't recall the last time you felt this kind of anxiety. You didn't even understand where it was coming from; after all, Bucky cared about you; he couldn't harm you. 

When you turned around, ready to go deeper into the apartment, Bucky was standing at the end of the hall, right by the exit. His damp hair, loose t-shirt and sweatpants, fresh wounds on his knuckles indicated that he must have been after training with Steve. You swallowed hard at the thought that Bucky, having found out where and with whom you were actually spending time, needed to beat something, in this case, fortunately, a punching bag.

“Was it good?” Bucky asked, approaching you slowly. “The wine,” he clarified. Without taking your eyes off him, you nodded cautiously, causing him to squint. “What is it?” His mouth curved into a playful smirk. “You’re not scared, are you?” 

“I can’t really tell…”

Bucky brought his hand up to your face. “You know I won’t hurt you,” he said. His hand slid a little lower; it gripped your jaw, and his fingers dug almost painfully into your cheeks. “But,” he licked his lips, shrugging, “you lied to me. And you won't get away with it.”

You gawked at him — at the stern expression on his face, at his darkened eyes and reddened, slightly parted mouth. Whatever he intended, you could feel yourself getting wet.

He grabbed your wrist; it ached from the power of the pressure Bucky wielded, but the feeling only intensified the sensation. He dragged you behind him, and you almost tripped over your own feet — he wasn't walking that fast; it was your limbs that seemed frail and numb. 

“Bed,” Bucky commanded as soon as you reached the bedroom. Massaging your sore wrist by instinct, you went in that direction, your steps wobbly. You settled on the middle of the mattress. Bucky came closer. “Turn around.” 

Captivated by his massive, heavy frame, under which you hoped you were about to end up, fascinated by the calmness and dominance he radiated, you couldn’t stop looking at him. 

“Turn around,” he said again, much slower than before. “I’m not gonna ask you again.” 

Your mouth went dry. Finally obeying his order — not in fear of the consequences, but looking forward to further development of the situation — you turned around. Bucky placed his hand between your shoulder blades and with pressure forced you to lean forward; so you landed on your knees, additionally supporting your hands on the mattress. 

He lifted your dress above your hips, a quiet snort escaped his mouth. “You fucking kidding me?” Bucky clicked his tongue disapprovingly, shaking his head, hooking his fingers under the hems of the lace pants you were wearing. He pulled the material lower, completely exposing your ass, sending a wave of heat over your entire body. 

You got up one knee first, then the other, making it easier for Bucky to strip you of your underwear. Then, he grabbed a piece of your dress and pulled you to him; as your hands detached from the mattress, he reached for them and tied tightly with your pants. The fabric, digging into your wrists, turned out to give you a surprising amount of pleasure.

Bucky pushed you forward again, this time far harder. Deprived of the possibility to support yourself, the front of your body fell on the bed, while your ass still remained up. All you could do was turn your head to the side — other than that, you were completely helpless, dependent on his mercy.

It seemed, however, that he didn't have any for you. You realized this when you felt a sharp, piercing pain, accompanied by a loud clap — Bucky’s hand landed on your ass cheek, and it landed hard. Shocked by this new and unfamiliar sensation, you shouted, your eyes filled with tears. 

Bucky spanked you again. Your body trembled, and only a muffled gasp came out of your mouth this time. 

Another slap — you felt your skin burning and stinging in that spot, getting more and more tender; you were painfully aware of this as his hand, once again, smacked your ass rapidly. You moaned, your back arching, your pussy almost dripping, asking to be filled. But that sweet torture was nearly as good. 

“More?” he rasped, breathing heavily. You weren't sure how to respond; he was punishing you, so if you asked for more, would he actually give you what you wanted? And if you refused, would he stop? 

“Y/N,” Bucky pressed. 

“More,” you replied quickly, your voice weak. 

“More what?”

At that moment, your mind wasn't in the best place for the logical, coherent sentences he always expected from you. “I want you to spank me more. Please,” you exhaled.

“You don’t wanna talk, so I’ll make you use your words. Make that pretty mouth of yours work.” 

Bucky fulfilled your request, and you almost jumped up on the mattress, clamped your eyelids shut and let out a loud whine — that one was definitely stronger than the others, causing goosebumps all over your heated body. 

The bed sunk behind you, signaling his arrival. The t-shirt he had thrown off landed silently somewhere on the floor. Your lips parted, releasing a long moan as the tip of his cock brushed hard against your wet, throbbing cunt. He buried into your core painfully slowly and lazily; you felt his hardness spreading inside you, filling all the space you could give him. 

Bucky clenched his hands on your hips and began to thrust into you. The pain radiating from your cheeks mixed with the surging pleasure, creating a combination you could quickly become addicted to. Gasping loudly, he pounded into you again and again; immediately he reached to your head, slipped his fingers into your hair and tightened them there. He turned your head to the side so he could see at least part of your face — the changes taking place on it. He wanted to control your pleasure. Because as you, stimulated by spanking and waiting, began to get closer to an orgasm faster than you could expect, Bucky suddenly stopped. He slid out, leaving behind only emptiness and a devastating lack of satisfaction.

“Jamie, please-” you choked out. 

“Don’t Jamie me,” Bucky replied sternly. He leaned forward, putting the weight of his body on yours. He pulled your head slightly away from the mattress, his mouth hanging right next to your ear. “You lied to me today, Y/N.”

You nodded immediately, ready to agree to everything he wanted. 

“You know that what you did was wrong? Hmm?”

“Yes. Yes, I know. And I'm sorry.”

“I don't want your sorry. I want you to never lie to me again. You are my wife and I won't have it, do you understand?” he said, the words seeping out through his teeth. 

“I understand, but please-”

Bucky clenched his fingers harder in your hair. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“You promise what, Y/N?” he inquired impatiently, although at that moment it seemed like he had all the time in the world.

Taking another deep breath, you gathered the strength and all the concentration you had in you to say those few words he cared so much about. “I-I promise to never lie to you again.”

Bucky moved slightly away, left a kiss on the nape of your neck, then straightened up. He entered you again, and again you felt that blissful fullness. At first you got the impression that he was still fucking some discipline into you, but the rising sensations made you think that he was actually rewarding you for understanding your mistake and promising to do better.

In that position — with your hips up — his dick quickly found the right spot and hit exactly where it needed to. Wet, well lubricated with all your juices, it was sliding in and out smoothly, bringing you more rapture than you could beg for. With loud, desperate cries, you were praying to your god, taking his name in vain — the one who was just fucking you senseless. Because Bucky couldn’t be just a human; he was too perfect, too beautiful, too merciful as he forgave your sins. 

You clenched around his cock, your eyes rolled back as consciousness left your mind. Apart from the overwhelming release, you also felt Bucky's load spilling into you; he, too — with a few last thrusts — let out a few whimpers, crowned by a throaty growl, and his body slumped against yours. His chest, pressed to your back, rose and fell as he tried to normalize his breathing. He pulled away from you to free your wrists as quickly as possible; your hands dropped lifelessly, too weak and too useless.

“Let’s clean you up, hmm?” Bucky suggested; surprisingly gently for the man he was just a moment ago. 

“I want to stay here,” you muttered with half of your face still in the bed sheets. Once again you felt his body pressing against yours as laid a tender kiss behind your ear.

You woke up to an empty bed. 

Your sore body covered with a blanket, the curtains closed. The watch on the nightstand said four in the morning. 

The urgent need to use the toilet dissuaded you from further sleep. You didn't feel fully awake until you were in the shower — as the warm water washed over your body, you wondered where Bucky had gone at such an early hour. You hoped that three months of hard work in Italy would give him some more space here in New York.

You got out of the shower, removed the remnants of your makeup, brushed your teeth, then returned to the bedroom. Curiosity was stronger than tiredness, besides, you felt rested enough, maybe even too awake for any more sleep. You put on one of Bucky's t-shirts, rummaged from his side of the closet, and left the room. You didn't have to search for long — the warm glow pouring out of the living room immediately caught your attention.

Bucky was sitting on the couch — under the light of the lamp standing over him, he was looking through some papers scattered on the coffee table. Full concentration on his face, marked by a deep wrinkle between his brows.

“What are you doing?” you spoke. 

He glanced up at the sound of your voice. “Checking the account statements from Sapphire Dune and Marble Aurora.” Rubbing his eye, Bucky sighed with clear tiredness. 

Your forehead creased as the names of your father’s casinos rang in your ears. You haven't thought about them once lately, so you wouldn't expect it from Bucky either. On the other hand, your Family's affairs were now his concern. 

With your arms folded across your chest, you walked closer to the couch and peeked at the documents. “Something wrong with them..?”

“No,” he assured, smiling softly. “They’re doing really… decently.” 

“So maybe I should stick to them…” you murmured. 

Bucky raised his eyebrows, watching you with a surprise. He reached out his hand to you in an inviting gesture. You took it and sat down right next to him; so close that your thighs touched. He didn’t say a word, waiting for you to tell him everything that was bothering you.

“I lied to you earlier too,” you confessed. “I lied that I don’t need money. And it’s not like I have to close the gallery in a week or something, but…” You gasped. “Some funding is always useful. And Adrian seemed like the perfect sponsor until-” you hesitated, shrugging. “But now he is acting weirder than ever and-”

“Did he do something to you?” Bucky asked right away, interrupting you.

“No, he didn’t,” you protested. “A couple hours ago, he offered me a trip to Paris,” you began, and Bucky’s forehead furrowed at those words. “He said no one will ever invest in the gallery again if I turn him down. And I can't afford it, I can't ask for your money, because I want to make money, not take it out of the house-”

“Y/N, you make money,” Bucky claimed, demonstratively lifting one of the papers. “It's all here,” he added, his brows drew together. “Besides, is using my — our — money really worse than selling your time to this fucking creep?” 

Feeling more and more resigned, you let out a heavy breath. “Bucky…”

“You don't like him, you don't feel comfortable around him, the business isn't going as you would like it to. Or am I wrong?” He was looking at you expectantly, although he didn't actually need any confirmation — he saw the answer written all over your face. He touched your cheeks, his fingers spread on your skin, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones. “You are my wife, and it is my job to take care of you. You have to let me do exactly that, Y/N.” 

Staring relentlessly into his eyes, filled with sincerity and concern, you took his hand off your face and placed a tender kiss inside it, brushing your lips over the scar there; the scar bonding you forever. “Okay,” you whispered. 

You pulled your legs up onto the couch and snuggled into his side. Bucky put his arm around you and rested his cheek on the top of your head. 

A silence settled in, filled only with your peaceful breathing — it didn't bother you or Bucky, since neither of you felt the need to break it. You thought it would be much more difficult; that you would need far more time to get used to him, especially after his last absence. But having a huge couch with plenty of space to occupy, you decided to deprive yourself of whatever space there was.

“Are you going to elaborate, in any way, on what you did to me earlier..?”

“Elaborate…” Bucky repeated. He exhaled, blowing some of the air out of his lungs, then rested his head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “I've wanted to do it since that night when I saw you in that little nightgown of yours.” He raised his brow. “And that's about it.” 

You sat up straight, your eyes on Bucky’s face. “That night?” you asked in disbelief. “As a punishment for what?”

A corner of his mouth lifted. “Did it really feel like a punishment to you?” 

Even if you were able to answer him without hesitation, you looked away to think about it. Or pretend to think about it. You bit your lip.

“Did it feel good..?” Bucky inquired, his tone gentle and careful. 

You nodded slowly. “Yeah. Very good,” you said, not sure if you should really admit it. “We can do it more often,” you suggested, and Bucky’s eyebrows rose instantly. Taken slightly aback, he peered at you with sudden liveliness, his eyes sparked with fascination that struck him like a speeding train. “What?” you laughed softly, but then understood something — you always sensed a gentle restraint in him, keeping him in check; the chains holding him down. Now, you were able to hear them break. Was it you who destroyed them? Your innocent permission?

Bucky smirked, shaking his head, letting you know he wasn’t going to be too harsh on you. But as harsh as you’d allow him to be. 

He leaned forward, putting his forearms on his knees, and reached for one of the papers so he could return to analyzing the documents. You clung to his back, placing your chin on his shoulder blade. He immediately located his free hand on your arm, wrapped around his torso. 

“Go back to bed,” he said, his eyes still focused on the statements. 

“Am I disturbing you?”

“No, of course not,” Bucky assured right away, “but aren’t you tired, sunshine?” He turned his head as far as he could to glance at you at least from the corner of his eye. Taking the opportunity, you stretched out further, to reach his face, and planted a few quick but tender pecks on his cheek, making him laugh softly.

a/n: feel free to share your thoughts, they are more than welcomed 🥰

taglist: @goldensunflowe-r @nefri-black @vickie5446 @learisa @sjsmith56 @aya-fay @hhiggs @wishingwell-2 @buckysgirl01 @emily-roberts @prettylittlepluviophile @leaaa008 @itvy5601 @melsunshine @pattiemac1 @marvel-fandom23 @rabbitrabbit12321 @xsecretsirenx @heyyitsreign @xhollycowx @samfreakingwinchester @thrnlvr @samjuarezzz @loustan90 @kandis-mom @abaker74 @gabshouse @casa-boiardi @globetrotter28 @fand0mskullfa1ry @iateall-yourcookies @swordofawriter @theroyalmanatee @midnightvitality @thebuckybarnesvault @milanaasblog @itsmytimetoodream @talesofadragon @r-a-d-i-0-n-0-w-h-e-r-e @bbiaa420 @funkybarnes @sebastians-love @walkingwithoutreason @hereticdance @abitofblues @purple-vegan @queenashen @oqueano @yourdryadwife @lethallyprotected @abbyyourlocalmilf @sapphirebarnes @matchat3a

[ineffably-human]

We're going to scream about Nandermo all week, but right now I need to talk about Baron Afanas. Because the Baron's arc, so to speak, always felt like a big part of the series DNA for me - and oh fuck did this episode deliver on why.

I think we can agree: in the show, vampire society is fucked up, right?

Vampires on their own have plenty to deal with that can make them crazy. They have to live by killing. They lose everyone from their old lives. They have to find new reasons to keep going on, forever, so shit can get decadent really fast.

But holy shit, what that's turned into in vampire society? Where you actively put cruelty over mercy, and violence over solving your problems? Death cults and scam artists roam free, but if someone has depression the best thing to do is ignore them. Someone can get their mind wiped or be locked up for centuries, and that's just what you do to your species.

--

So: the Baron's arrival is the first conflict of the whole show. The joke is about an ancient powerful creature of pants-shitting terror, vs three lesser vampires who just want to live their lives and not get murdered for being too lazy to conquer humanity. There's a lot of talk about how to please him: do you keep to the old ways, or pick up some new traditions? Decorate with flayed skin, or with glitter? And the Baron says: who cares, you're all soft and useless. All that matters is getting more control over this world, until people are cattle and we have no reason to hide anymore.

But later he confesses: that shit stopped mattering ages ago. He's not even real nobility, he's literally impotent, and he talks about doing horrible things because he doesn't know what else to say. He's angry and half-crazy from boredom. And admitting that, owning those feelings, means suddenly he has three new friends and a whole new world of things to enjoy.

There's the Baron the rest of the vampire world knows, but for one night we see the ancient, unknowable terror was just a guy. Maybe he's always been just some guy.

That fun puts him in a vulnerable position, and he's killed by the most unwitting vampire slayer in fiction. But Baron Afanas is changed. He sucks dirt for a year and still comes out of it with a new lightness and joy to him. He saves the Sire, another ancient terrifying monster everyone was eager to kill or send away. They adopt the hellhound. They get cozy and give advice. They make popsicle stick houses and go on walks. They live.

And that seemed like the end of the story until last night - when the Baron suddenly felt like the butt of a joke everyone knew but him. Spurred on by someone else who feels lonely and ignored, the Baron felt vulnerable. And he snapped back to how he lived for centuries.

'What the hell are you all doing, enjoying yourselves? We're supposed to be unhappy. We're supposed to live centuries of unhappiness, bringing pain to everyone in our path, and we're definitely not supposed to cheer up our friend who's sad.'

--

Nobody liked the Baron before Guillermo killed him, not even other powerful vampires we meet; they saw the Baron as a crazy far beyond their own crazy. But this is also how vampire society values you. It's how they measure Nandor's worth when they think he's dead, too: how old and powerful you are, how much you've been able to conquer and kill.

Vampire pods are both cliquish and aren't expected to last in the first place. If someone dies, you literally paint them out of your lives and forget. Everything we see discourages feelings, sincerity, or even basic companionship. The only way to earn respect is to be cruel. The more cruel you are, the more powerful you are. The more powerful you are, the more feared you are - the lonelier you are, the crazier you are. It's practically designed to create the Baron, or worse.

But new vampires don't behave that way. And the vampires we follow in the show don't behave that way - because they have each other, because they've been encouraged to have each other, often by Guillermo. (Holy shit, Nadja saying maybe she'd be fine dying, and Nandor immediately asking if she's okay? Nothing changes in this house, except everything does. They're not going to almost lose one of their own ever again.)

The vampires in the heart of vampire culture never seem happy to be like this. It doesn't have to be like this.

--

The Baron doesn't become a tyrannical monster for long. Because he never actually was one - and because he spends two evenings and a fireball to the face, watching Nandor and Nadja fight for Guillermo. Watching them plead and cling and defy, seeing Guillermo's earnest feelings in spite of his bloodline and the mistakes he's made. Seeing Nandor's perfect trust, and then his grief, the way he insists that Guillermo was never 'just' anything. The Baron can't find real fulfillment in hurting someone (because that ship sailed ages ago). He can't deride them for caring, because he's cared for a long time now.

And when the Baron admits that's who he is, when he says it out loud, he only gains more in his life. He finds new depth in the happiness he'd felt for a while now, because he's admitted and allowed himself to be happy. And now he has the children he's always wanted. Living together, the Baron and the Sire are still ancient and powerful - and they're also family, finding real joy together in a world that was ready to dispose of them.

"I suppose with the right company, it can be beautiful, this eternal existence."

--

There's an inherent selfishness to being a vampire, taking from someone else in order to live. But there doesn't have to be inherent cruelty, or lack of love.

They're all ready to admit they care. The Staten vampires have all cared for Guillermo or each other in their own ways this season. And Guillermo doesn't lack for flaws, but loving his monster family has never been one of them. (When he and Nandor work their shit out, they're gonna be insufferable.)

Now they just have to let the Guide in. Because she's absolutely starved for love, and vampires get pretty fucked up when they're on their own.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Do you have any advice for writing with adhd? I can craft these elaborate storyline in my head, but the minute I try to write any of them down I get bored. (Or is that just regular writer block?) It's really discouraging, because I feel like my mind is moving faster then my head, and any time I try to bring any of my ideas to life it just disipates.

Writing with ADHD: 5 Game Changers for Me

Here are some things that have been game changers for me as a writer with ADHD: [Edit: everyone's ADHD is different. This is just what works for me. It may not work for you...]

Planning: It's different for everyone with ADHD, but for me it's essential to spend time planning my story before I start writing. I like to flesh out as much as possible concerning plot, timeline, setting, world, characters and arcs, subplots, and themes.

Summary, Outline, and Scene List: Three items that are critical for me to have in hand before I sit down to write are a beginning to end summary of the story detailing all plot events as far as I know, an outline loosely based on the story structure template/s that feel right for the story (for example, I may use elements of Save the Cat! and some elements of of the Six-Stage Plot Structure), which helps me navigate my plot and hit the relevant plot points. And finally, I need a detailed scene list/timeline combo which lists chapter, scene, date/time, POV character, location, and a one to two sentence summary of what happens in the scene, including the character's goal in the scene, the scene's conflict, and the scene's resolution or how it carries into a later scene.

Gamifying: When I'm struggling with a particular time period or project, it can help me to gamify things. You can do this using a game board strategy, the Yahtzee Method, making a list of bench marks that serve as "levels," race against yourself by trying to bet the previous day's goal, etc. The key to gamifying is to set reasonable benchmarks and give yourself periodic rewards. Rewards can be anything from buying yourself a boba, watching a favorite TV show episode, an hour of playing your favorite game, or going to a movie. Some people like to go to the dollar store and buy a lot of small fun things and use those as rewards. Whatever works for you! Sometimes, turning it into a game with tangible progress and rewards can keep you motivated.

Setting Up a Routine: Although I have my general daily routine, I am without a doubt more productive when I can stick to a more specific routine that includes writing time. For me that works out to writing early in the day before other distractions start ramping up. When I put on my music, sit down with some coffee and a snack, and pull up my manuscript, my brain knows it's time to get to work. That doesn't always mean the work happens, but it's much more likely I'll get something done.

Minimizing Distractions: Anything that can be a distraction when I write is problematic. For that reason, I only listen to music without words and advertising. I turn off my phone or leave it in the other room. If possible, I try to use placeholders for things I need to look up. If I absolutely have to look something up and I get distracted by headlines, interesting articles or videos, or other things, I bookmark them in a special folder and immediately close the window. That way, I know I can go back to them later (I almost never do...) And, for me, as much as I love Scrivener and the ability to organize by chapter, have quick access to character profiles and photos, toggle between scene cards and my story... it's just too distracting for me. I'll sit down to write a chapter, then decide I need to re-do my scene cards, or cast characters, or do mood boards for every location in my story.

For that reason, writing in Word works best [for me] It's simple and there's nothing to distract me. Any story references I might need while writing, such as character profiles and photos, mood boards and aesthetics, setting inspiration photos, etc. are all organized in a special folder, categorized into sub-folders, so I can go straight to the required reference.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[kaledya]

HOWDY!!🌟🌟 I haven't been active on Tumblr for a long time, to be honest I haven't been active on any platform until recently.

I think it would be right to make a small update and let my followers know what's on my mind.

(And a little note, I am writing this article from a translation. If there is a mistake in any sentence or if it sounds rude, I sincerely apologize.)

First of all, I would like to talk about why I am  less active than before.

I don't want to go into too much detail about it, so I'll keep it short, and it'll be easier for you too!

I have a disease that worsens with stress, and I can say that this disease has leveled up because I have been stressed a lot lately due to some events.Now, for no reason or if I put too much pressure on that arm area my joints and arm start to ache. This means I can't draw for 2-3 days.In general, it means that I try not to use my arm too much.

But don't worry, thanks to my doctor I'm getting better quickly and I don't have as much ache anymore, much less! Almost gone now!!🌟🌟🌟🎉

And besides these, I was trying to get accepted to the university, but I learned that my drawing skills were not enough for the animation university!( I knew this actually, my anatomy is really bad but I wanted to try my luck) It's a little sad, but I'm not discouraged!🫡

 (I think my only regret was that my arm started to hurt in the middle of the exam after I had come such a long way. Why on earth would anyone make two one and a half hour art exams back to back??) Show some mercy to the students!!)😭😭

༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽

I just need to focus on more art skills  and I will do that!! From now on, I will focus only on improving myself and my arts! YIPPE!!

About  HH SS AU or My's OC development

It saddens me to say this, but even though I've been drawing in the HazbinHotel fandom for months, I've lost my inspiration at the moment.I probably won't be able to share any content about HazbinHotel until I regain my inspiration because I can't think of an idea or get excited about series anymore.But of course this is a temporary thing, my fandom had faded before but then it blossomed again!!

This is valid for SSAU as well, I don't have any inspiration to develop AU or draw for AU right now. 

And thank you very much to my followers who have liked and supported my HazbinHotel content so far!!!

Same goes for my OCs, I'm putting my OCs like Constantine and Serenity and the archangels on the shelf for now.Of course I will use them again in the future when I get inspired about them again, I love my babies!

About SSAU inspired fanfics Thank you again for loving this AU and for being inspired to write your own fanfic!!!

It makes me really happy to see you having fun And it makes me proud to see that I inspire people!! 

But from now on I don't prefer to use my HH OCs to write Fanfics,There are a few reasons for this but the main one is that I can't give you much feedback anymore and I wanted you to know that and I really don't want to upset or disappoint anyone when it comes to feedback.

Of course the fics about SSAU that have been written so far can continue, I have no problems with them, have fun!! I just want you to know I won't be able to give feedback  to you, or it will take a long time 

 This is of course temporary, I will let you know when I return to this fandom or change my mind about this!!

Some people ask about YouTube, I don't plan on posting any content on YouTube anytime soon.

Thank you in advance for respecting my opinions!

In short, yes, these are what I was going to say. It can be said that I have switched to the Gravity Falls fandom at the moment and I am sort of making my childhood dream come true by giving fanart to this fandom.And this is something that makes me very happy. 

Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

[krisluxxeeempress]

HOW DOES YOUR PERSON FEEL ABOUT YOU? PICK-A-CARD

Pile (1): FALLBACK

Cards: Tower (reversed, Magician, Two of Cups (reversed) Ten of Swords, King of Wands (reversed) and the Seven of Wands and Three of Pentacles at the bottom of deck.

I was going to start off by saying “your person” however, according to the cards, it’s best to say “the person on your mind”- is feeling vulnerable at this time. I am getting Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius and or Taurus energy thus far. Anyway, I just felt like giving up while writing this. Someone in this dynamic feels powerless, mentally drained, and ultimately wanting or needing to give up. (I just got so discouraged and tired randomly) For some of you, this may be an ex that made you feel this way and the universe has brought them back into your life.

There may be an opportunity presenting itself to rekindle the relationship or a friendship though, you feel drained. For others of you, this may be someone new that you are interested in but due to past failures in relationships- you have very little energy, effort or hope that something can manifest with a potential love interest. If this is not how you are feeling, then they are. As always, this scenario is due to someone being hurt in the past and therefore, are currently unwilling to move forward or open to someone new. Another case could be that someone is fearful of being open to someone new or in general and if you are interested in someone like this- it may be a warning that your energy will become drained “chasing” someone. Intuitively, I am being told that this may be a quick lesson or REMINDER that all things happen in Divine Time, and nothing is a coincidence. Some of you, the universe is playing “games” with you. The universe knows you may want this person, opportunity or whatever but this time, you cannot control it. You are learning to not control it, therefore, if you are starting to feel drained because something isn’t going your way or pace… fall back and let go! It’s like a tease but understand it’s temporary.

Some of you may have a debilitated 7th house, 8th house, 12th house, 1st house but you don’t have to. Nevertheless, this pile doesn’t have energy. This dynamic does not have energy. The more you or they, try to manipulate this the more it becomes drained and strained. I would suggest embracing a spiritual or higher perspective and know that rejection is protection or simply, it’s just not the right time. It’s like a car engine that won’t turn on in the winter and no matter how many times you try to jump it, nothing. I’ve been in that situation before and it was only when I left it alone, found another means of transportation. Then I would try again later, and my engine would turn on. Granted, I was happy, but I went and bought a new BATTERY to be safe and sure and I suppose my story is symbolic for waiting but moving along at the same time. Funny, I shuffled more, and the Chariot card came out- no lie. Anyway, that is all I have for this pile. There’s no energy now and it may seem like a false start but there are things manifesting in the background.” Blessings in Disguise”. I feel strongly that some of you need reassurance and here it is. You may resonate with another Pile considering this feels like the beginning of a relationship or something. . .

Pile (2): COBWEBS

Cards: Seven of Cups, Queen of Swords (reversed), Hierophant, Queen of Cups, High Priestess, Wheel of Fortune, Death (reversed), Two of Cups (reversed), and Five of Cups (reversed) at the bottom of deck.

With the Wheel of Fortune present, this suggest that Astrology is involved. Something has shifted from your (or your persons) Natal birth chart, Solar Return or Progressive chart. I could also be picking up on a futuristic shift nevertheless, a time of failed relationships, loneliness, and or being distant from people/ relationships is coming to an end. The Queen of Swords is not relationship oriented, not in the 7 of cups sense that most believe “love” should be- like being emotional, sensitive, vulnerable, clingy, and OPEN. The Queen of Swords is too smart, logical, and PICKY for that. Someone may have Aquarius, Scorpio, Virgo placements that has prevented getting close and or intimidate with someone. Anyway, there’s a shift of being judgmental, picky and or avoidant to being emotional, open, and desiring a relationship.

This could be what was causing “no energy” or a delay in Pile 1 but it could be totally unrelated. Regardless, someone here is feeling very emotional and dreamy currently for what seems like the first time.  I don’t necessarily feel like there is someone solid in your life though, you may want one or are actively manifesting one. I started to shuffle to clarify the Queen of Cups and surprise, surprise- the Lovers card came out with the Three of Wands (reversed) and Eight of Cups. You or maybe the other person you don’t know yet (or well) is realizing that being emotionally distant, avoidant, and unbothered is not opening the path or doors they want in love and relationships. The Lovers card is about a choice but more so, about your masculine and feminine energy within, being in balance. When one if off, then the other cannot operate properly and in the physical, this manifest as someone having “something missing” that you cannot deal with. Example, if you lack masculine energy within and are unable to be assertive- you will then attract a man or woman who lacks assertiveness especially when it comes to you.

Or, if you are emotionally closed off and in denial that you want love etc. than you will attract men and or women who are emotionally unavailable and so forth. The Lovers card is a mirror of “as within and so without”. This further confirms my interpretation of the cards about a shift occurring within someone. Honestly, this pile feels like soulmates/ twin flames getting prepared for UNION. This pile feels like two people who may not know each other at all or vaguely, who are manifesting each other unknowingly. This pile is like two people who would tell themselves “I don’t want love, relationships, kids, a family, marriage, sex, intimacy” NOTHING. . . and yet, the cards, the energy and GOD determined that was A LIE. I clarified the Seven of Cups and the Seven of Swords (reversed), the Eight of Pentacles and Two of Wands (reversed) came through. This confirms the lies that some of y’all been telling yourselves. (the Devil just appeared also) all these lies and self-deceit. I would look at your Solar Return chart for next year because I’m telling you- something is going to POP OFF. I wanted to clarify the Hierophant because with this card comes lessons and guidance around self-esteem, commitments, hard work, and one’s values. I can see with the cards that clarified that most of you, or your person coming in- uses work and everything else to distract themselves.

I see that you have all been hurt or disappointed in relationships that may have influences low self-esteem that is covered up with LIES that you don’t want this or that lol, but 1) you were going through a challenging cycle in life 2) there’s a new shift coming soon. The Hierophant is Taurus and Sagittarius to me, so this card also represents time and learning. It’s been a long time that is coming to an end. Some of you have one more year, 8 months (and countdown) until the shift is complete. If you chose this pile, it’s time to clean out the cobwebs in your panties and boxer briefs because soon- someone will be up in there FAITHFULLY … HA! Pile One may resonate with you if you chose this pile.

PILE (3): OVER IT

Cards: Emperor (reversed), Seven Pentacles (reversed), Three Swords, Two of Wands, The Word (reversed). The Ace of Swords (reversed, Knight of Cups (reversed), Ace of Pentacles at the bottom of deck.

I felt drawn to immediately clarify the Two of Wands card and the Five of Cups came out. This suggest that there may be an ex, refer to Pile One, that you are deciding to move on from. If it’s not an ex per se than it’s indicating a behavior, belief, or habit that you are moving away from because it attracted relationships that are not in your best interest and caused pain. ANYWAY, there’s an opportunity being presented to move forward- Pile two may resonate with those who feel it’s time to get on the road again – quite literally. Some of you may feel the urge to move to a different state or country or even a new job. I feel like you may run into your life person when you do. This is obviously talking about getting out of your comfort zone- keep that in mind. I usually have more to say but not this time. It’s either move on or stay where you are.

[starwell-tarot]

PAC: What part of you requires some introspection this summer? ⛱️

Pick a pile reading: What aspect of yourself or your life needs some thinking over? What questions should you be asking yourself this summer to get to know yourself better?

Pile 1-3, left to right

Pick the picture you feel most drawn to. If you feel drawn to more than one of them, you can read the interpretation to multiple piles.

Disclaimer: All my readings contain themes of mental and emotional struggles and pains as they strive to comfort those. I don't intend on rubbing you the wrong way and I'm doing this with the hope I can help people feel better, but if it doesn't work I might just not be the right person to comfort you.

Disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional in any way. Although my tarot readings focus on giving emotional and mental reassurance, I can only give you as much as a friend could give you - encouraging words, friendly advice, a shoulder to cry on or a metaphorical hug. Please take in the information responsibly, and if your mental health is greatly affecting your day to day functions, please consider looking for a professional if possible. I'm afraid I can't be more than a tarot-enthusiastic friend.

Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Take care of yourselves and remember hope is your best friend. 🖤

Pile 1 - VIII of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Knight of Swords, Balsamic Moon

Who do I dream of becoming?

The key elements in your reading are your dreams and hard work.

It seems like you have a very clear idea of how your ideal life would look like, and it's beautiful. So beautiful in fact, that the cards depict a twirling dance, gracious and romantic. There is a version of you that you have fallen in love with, but I fear you think it's unreachable. You might have put some work into it already, into reaching your goals, and yet you still feel far away from what you want to achieve. But do not rush.

No big dream in life is easily accessible to grab. They require patience and perseverance, and a lot of obstacles must be overcome before you can finally feel you've gotten everything you ever wanted. The key here is, you must avoid self-sabotage. Perhaps you are insecure, or you lack self-belief, or you get easily discouraged. Know that failure is only the path to success, so look into the lesson you can learn from your mistakes, instead of letting them consume you. Look ahead to the future fully, and break down the demons in your head into tiny little digestible pieces. Identify all of your obstacles, the things (or people) that might stand in-between you and the version of you you dream of. Think of ways you can solve these obstacles, one by one, slowly and surely. Go into the smallest of details when you question what is stopping you, where exactly you stand right now, and everything you want to achieve. Plan and be meticulous.

The balsamic moon gives the advice that, in order to become this dream version of yourself, you must first let go of all the limitations you've put onto yourself, taken from the past you've lived. Your past circumstances should not define you anymore, and you must allow yourself to change and live as though you are truly reborn into the person you want to be. 💚

Pile 2 - The Lovers R, Knight of Wands, Balsamic Moon

Who am I becoming?

The key elements in your reading are self-image and transformations.

It seems that for a very long time, you thought you knew exactly who you were and what you needed. You didn't feel much need to change the way you were doing things, and you were wearing your own personal colors permanently, and they were painting a self image of you. And lately, there's new colors on the canvas. And you don't know what to do with them. It is almost like discovering there's a whole another person living in your body, a strange experience of newly acquired self-knowledge. This can be uncomfortable, but know we as people are always expanding. Whether you are changing for good or for bad (this is also subjective) it is something you must embrace and address. If you fear you are turning into an unknown, malefic force, figure out what is making you act this way, and face the demon in the mirror. There's darkness in all of us, and we're allowed to be imperfect, but we must not let it consume us. Tell the darkness you see it, you acknowledge it and you'll work hard to heal it so that it doesn't burst out again. If you feel you're turning into something unfamiliar and strange, but not exactly bad, you must address what it brings into your life. Perhaps it's a change you needed. Perhaps you're on your path to growth, and that's always confusing.

All in all, do not resist strangeness and changes in yourself - instead, identify these changes, welcome them in, and let them talk to you. Let them tell you what they need from you, what presents they bring, or what old beliefs they want to replace. The balsamic moon gives the advice that you should be open to change, for that's what defines the future moment. The past cannot change, it is merely a limitation. Do not limit yourself, and instead let the future gently sway you. 💛

Pile 3 - Ace of Cups, Knight of Wands, New Moon

Why am I afraid of saying yes?

The key elements of your reading are self-love and opportunities.

I feel like you are in a very strange situation of almost… procrastinating self-love. You know you deserve more, but you cannot bring yourself to accept it. But deep inside, you know.

Deep inside you know you bring beautiful things into the world. Deep inside you know your quirks are not negative as you see them. Deep inside I think you know you deserve all the love in the world. You simply must accept it, so that you can finally let yourself receive all the beautiful things you've been denying yourself of having. I fear what is keeping you stuck is heavy and tangled, binding you to this version of yourself that is afraid to ask for more. These binds must be untangled. Try to think why you are denying all the blessings - what makes you believe all of these negative things about yourself? Once you find the cause, ask yourself if that situation is, in fact, still relevant to the person you are today. Once you let go of your old belief systems, you can finally be free. And if the fear of change is strong, or you cannot let go of your beliefs, ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen if I love myself a bit today? Who's stopping me from doing that?

The new moon gives the advice that the hardest part of everything is always the start. However, once you begin to allow a little kindness, a little love to grace you, things will slowly become less and less uncomfortable. Baby steps can take you a long way. It is time you allow your life to become beautiful. 💙

I hope this reading was useful to you!

Please consider leaving some feedback so I know if my readings resonate well. 🖤

While introspection is hugely important for self development, do not forget having fun is just as important for the mental health! So go have fun this summer 😉

If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi.

©starwell-tarot do not copy, translate or repost.

[spdrvyn]

anxiety & arachnids — MIGUEL O'HARA

(( this is going to be a lengthier one than my usual one-shots / snippets / fics / whatever you wanna call them since it has more plot !!! what is the plot? read the fic and find out motherfucker !!!!!! this is also mostly spoiler-free as per usual i think ))

The intensity of your job, the late-nights to the point where you've had to stay back at the precinct, and your overbearing coworkers really wanted you to find a way to travel back in time to prevent yourself from enrolling into police academy.

Were you the best detective out there? God, no. Definitely not. Though even if you weren't, you'd like to think that you excelled most of your acquaintances and fellow investigators in your job. Although among the long web of cases that you have solved over the years, there was a particular file that haunted your desk.

To most, large files were someone's nightmare. So overwhelming and rife with information but that was what you and other detectives just loved about them, you barely even had to lift a finger at times to catch perps or criminals because the file did most of the work for you.

However, the one that you'd been trying to crack for months was only one page thick, the only recent addition being a small sticky note that adds a witness's testimony of events.

You didn't have much of a problem with Spider-Man, you understood that he was just trying to do his job and save lives whatnot even if his methods were rather precarious—

But to find out that there are multiple Spider-People out there? The idea gave you migraines by just thinking about it.

Even for how many that might be lurking in the shadows, waiting for trouble to strike so that they could swoop in and save the day, this file only gave you less than a fraction of what you needed.

At least, you had one picture but it was low in quality. Captured by a civilian's cellphone, one of the older models judging from the camera, they were trying to get away from the commotion as well resulting the subject in the photograph to appear blurred.

Under closer inspection though, you could make out some details but you definitely knew that this wasn't your Spider-Man. Whoever it was, they were wearing a navy suit highlighted with red. A muscular build, blades sticking out of their suit. There was also a big circle behind them; a dizzying array of colors, which was safe to assume that it was a portal.

Spider-People, odd creatures, possible other-worldy travel.

Was this really what you had signed up for?

You curse under your breath, bringing your half-empty cup of coffee to the edge of your lips before it's quickly taken from your grasp. You're prepared to lecture whoever even dared to lay a hand on your drink before you realize that your captain is the one with the mug in their hands, whatever unholy grail of swear words you were about to unleash was now silenced.

Your captain let out a defeated utterance of your name, "Working until you die again?" They stare disappointedly into your mug. "Is the coffee supposed to speed up the process?"

With a harsh bite to your tongue, you fight back the urge to roll your eyes. It's not like they were as pesky as the people you've come to known over the years of working in this place, far from it but their demands for "self-care" and "work-life balance" made your head spin a lot more times than you'd like to admit.

"Go home. I don't mean to discourage you but why work on this case still? It's so cold that it's practically freezing."

"If nobody is going to work on it then I will."

"Of course, it's good to take responsibility but the only thing that's been added to this file over the last two months is a sticky note. A sticky note. I appreciate your persistence more than anything but above it all, I appreciate self-respect more."

Clueless. You felt so damn clueless, with this situation, with the nonsense advice that your captain was giving you. All you could do is look back at down at the folder, staring at it with such an intensity, secretly hoping that an entirely new page would appear.

The dismay that emanated from their sigh practically pierced you straight through your heart.

"It's clear to me now. I hope it's clear to you soon that working yourself to the bone over something like this isn't what we do. Get yourself together and get some rest."

The click-clack of their dress shoes drove you to near madness as you heard them leave the precinct. Maybe rest was what you needed, not like you had much of a choice anyway as the morning shift was about to come in soon.

You pack your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. It would probably be better to take the stairs at least to get rid of the energy you got from drinking an ungodly amount of caffeine tonight.

Speaking of caffeine, that was possibly the only edible item that you've consumed during your whole shift. Starving yourself was a habit that you were guilty of, getting so wrapped up in your work that even eating slipped your mind.

However let it not be said that you were picky, you opted to just pass by a fast food restaurant on the way back to your apartment.

It was the dead of night once you actually got your hands on some food, originally you were going to take it back to your apartment but the growling in your stomach told you that dinner was more of an urgent matter in the more.

You open the small box, taking the burger you ordered in your hands and about to take one juicy, delicious bite until—

"Incoming!"

Your delicious meal interrupted as someone was slammed through the windows of the establishment; gasps echoed the walls of the place as people didn't even hesitate to bring their phones out. All the employees run into the backroom.

Instinct just kicks in as you reach for the badge attached to your belt, as you attempt to reassure the innocent customers who were probably having just as much of a tiring night as you are.

You're about to approach the person that was slumped against the counter of the cashier until you register the robotic tentacles sticking out of a machine stuck to their back. Immediately, you pull your gun out.

This was all so confusing, you were so sure that your colleagues had arrested Doctor Octopus so many moons ago. Yet, why was he laying before you? He looked so different. Did he break out of prison and get a magic makeover or something?

Your heart rate skyrocketed through the roof as you catch a faint glow of red from the corner of your eye.

Without hesitation, you turn around and point to the figure behind you; who looked like they were about to continue whatever shenanigans they were engaging with Doc Octopus before stopping dead in their tracks at the sight of your weapon.

"Freeze! Don't move an inch,"

As the figure freezes, you are finally able to get a good glimpse at them. The suit matches the one you saw in your case file, it's never really processed in your head how tall they might actually be. This Spider-Man could easily tower over you, perhaps pointing a gun at him wasn't really the best choice.

That idea was really hammered into your skull as the Spider-Man 'raises an eyebrow' (at least, signalled by his mask) and looks up slowly, you've nearly forgotten that there's a real criminal right behind you.

Your gun is snatched immediately out of your hands as you turn your head once more, it's effortlessly crushed under the grasp of one of the Doctor's tentacles. They scowl at you through tinted goggles.

Shit.

Akin to the way that they were thrown into the eatery, your back harshly hit the area where they deep fry their food. The small basket tips over and spills hot oil onto the floor, the impact spits some of the substance onto your face and hands causing you to wince in pain.

Thankfully before you're about to lose your face, as one of the tentacles reach for you, your hand reaches for the same basket and smacks it hard. Some of the oil melts the coating of the robotic appendage.

You take a peek from below the counter and the people that you saw a while ago had disappeared, they all ran away. You wanted to die, there went your witnesses...

The Doctor yelps at the damage done to it's attachments, about to send yet another attack to your disheveled body, it's cut off (quite literally) by the slice of a blade.

The Spider-Man that you familiarized yourself with a while ago had sliced it off completely only angering the enemy further.

You want to help, even if you won't be able to catch whoever this guy is, there was a bigger threat right now.

Unfortunately as you try to stand, your legs give up on you from how brutally you were thrown and you fall back onto your behind once more. Though you weren't completely rendered useless, you attempt to crawl to the back. Telling one of the staff to call the authorities but once you got a glimpse, there was nobody there either. Were you the only one with any form of responsibility here?!

You reach for your own cellphone, only to find it unable to function from— once again— the impact of how you were thrown. Perfect. This was perfect.

It got even more perfect as the Doctor practically came in sliding into the back walls of the building, you panic and quickly move backwards until you realize that they're wrapped in some form of webbing.

The Spider-Man breezes past you, holding down the seemingly now unconscious criminal. Your ragged breath hitches as his gaze meets yours, you were defenseless. Besides some kitchen items that were littered across the floor from the scuffle but none of them could prove useful to you.

Your head was actually spinning now, you brought a fist to your forehead in a sad attempt to quaell the throbbing but no use. Your eyes begun getting droopier and droopier.

Your heart spiked more as a portal opened to the left of you, came in swinging in another Spiderman.

He seemed to be wearing a worn-down jacket and a regular spider suit but replace the pants with sweatpants. He had an empty baby carrier strapped to his chest.

"You're late."

"Fashionably so! Now, where is he?"

"Right here."

The one in navy kicks the body over to the more musty looking Spider-Man, he takes a step back. "Are you kidding me?! You dealt with him already? I put Mayday down for a nap like ten minutes later than I'm supposed to and you just—"

The less well-dressed Spider-Man catches sight of you, eyes as wide as saucers as he points. "Who's that?"

"Detective."

Not even two seconds later, he's kneeled down before you. Holding, only God knows how many fingers up, their whole conversation is going one ear out the other with you.

"Seems like they have a concussion and a couple of burns. Did anyone call an ambulance or somethin'?"

"No, they got chased out like squirrels by the anomaly."

"You know that we should probably deal with them, right?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

You can't even care enough to listen in to their interaction anymore, your head falls forward. The aching in your ribs, the stinging on your hands, it's too much to bare as you slip into the hold of unconsciousness.

[ukiyowi]

December Snapshot 🌷

Note: Happy December Babes!! A small glimpse into what you're December will be like 💞 if you like it please reblog, it really helps and if you want a paid reading hmu! It's all 30% off all December! And if you book before 5th December it'll be 40% off!!

Read left to right 1/2 then 3/4 🌸

Masterlist || Paid Readings || Tip 🍯

🍯 Pile 1

Okay so your December is going to start off very well but you may have some bumps in the road, lets talk about that. You will see your finances improve in December and will find yourself in a position where you are able to help not only yourself but possibly family members and friends who need monetary help as well, you may also get a raise or a promotion or a boss/person in authority under whom you work could put in a few good words for you to the higher ups leading to you getting more opportunities.

This December is all about reaping what you have already sowed and worked hard for. You will find yourself being a great communicator and in harmony in your interpersonal relationships, especially romantic ones, if you do not have someone already, a potential romantic partner may be entering or has entered your life who will be pursuing you, this person could possibly have strong Aries/fire energy and be someone who has a very infectious laugh and possibly freckles as well, they could be very outgoing.

Now onto the bumps, so December is going to do for you which you have not done for yourself so far, very cleaning much in the spirit of cleaning your energy and weeding out people you do not need or who do not have your best interest at heart. You may have been ignoring the flaws in certain relationships not wanting them to fall apart, as well as ignoring a certain opportunity you may be too scared to take, this is related to music or art heavily, and this December the universe will kinda thrust these things upon you and you may find yourself as well as certain people around you heartbroken nearing the end of this month as you prepare for the new year.

🍯 Pile 2

Hello pile 2, a lot of soul-searching comes your way this December, you will be trying to bring back the spark you think you have lost over the years because you have grown up, but people will not make this easy for you trust me. There may be people around you who discourage you to do certain things by either making fun of you/teasing you for it or claiming you are too grown to do it but try not to pay any mind to them as these activities, maybe watching old cartoons or colouring could lead to you connecting with your inner spirit and finding inspiration taking you out of ruts both in a creative sense and also with regard to clarity about what you want to do in life.

You have a youthful spirit, where you are not afraid of starting over and December is going to test you on that, you will be called to keep patient in the face of adversity and change courses because of missed chances or I am getting missed flights for some of you which could be related to some trip being cancelled and you could end up having a hitch in your finances where you may have to control your spending this month to maintain balance by maybe living below your means.

You could also end up having an argument with someone with masculine and earthy energy, particularly someone who may have prominent Capricorn in their chart regarding romantic relationships and commitment, this person may want you to start taking responsibility and committing to not only people but also things and could imply that time is ticking for you and that not making any decisions is not better than making bad decisions or mistakes. They could be a mentor figure or a family member.

🍯 Pile 3

To start off, there is going to be a lot of introspection for you this month, you may feel like nothing's going your way or that nothing is going in general, the amount of stagnation could lead you to feel like whatever you are doing is wrong and could really frustrate you. However, because your financial stability this month is going to be off the charts, you will keep doing what you are doing and build a lot of relationships around you with people who could help you enhance it even further.

You will find yourself getting lucky financially and experience accomplishments that you are already expecting, to be honest, which is why you could feel stagnant even after this.

The reason you may be introspecting this month could be to do with you wanting quietude from the hustle and bustle of the grind life and rethink if this is what you really want. You could question your lifestyle maybe you are someone who is in the middle of city life and have a job or school/college life that is very hectic and you may have a chance to get away from it for a bit and you have to make the choice to either go with the flow or challenge the universe and decide you prefer things the way they are.

December will bring about situations especially career wise where you will need to be willing to let go of preconceived notions and switch perspectives that you do not NEED to constantly grind to get what you want because you will get it due to you deserving it and having the skills to accomplish it. This month will be closing out by you finding yourself confused about these things and trying to make up your mind, this could lead to you hesitating to confront the cracks that may have been forming in your life ideologically rather than materially.

🍯 Pile 4

Oh, Pile 4 this month you will be stepping into your power! Deserved! This could be after a long while of contemplation regarding if you deserve it, but then realising you would not have gotten the opportunities if you did not. You will be working alongside possibly an older person who will teach you how to embody the traits of a leader, being strict yet understanding and building relationships with your peers where you do not feel like you are overshadowing them, which could be a concern of yours.

This month will require you to do a lot of learning, from skills to adopting new ideas and how to be adaptable, being able to communicate effectively and clearly with a wide range of people you will really find yourself in a better place careerwise than you may have in the past months. You will be grabbing all the opportunities you will get to strengthen your relationships with people and go after opportunities ranging from jobs and school to getting something you may have wanted for a while like a bag or a car. You will be very lucky and "right place, right time" could be a strong statement for this month for you.

However, because of all of this and the changing tides, you being new to these things you could feel anxious and overwhelmed by all the responsibilities. Although you would be able to complete them and keep up with them, you could start questioning yourself again, this self-doubt could lead to maybe hitting a tiny bump in the road where you could fumble something moderately important, but this would just make you more determined to trust yourself going forward. You will also take time to relax and rejuvenate this month, and could start meditating! And if not, it would be advisable to because it helps a lot (speaking from personal experience).

Do not plagiarise, copy or reword this is all my work, all rights reserved to Ukiyowi

[hannigramislife]

Question: What's your opinion on all Dazai ships? I personally think that literally everyone could do better <3

Omgg anon, I love this ask so goddamn much!! Okay, let's get into it-this is gonna be long.

Two things before I continue. One, I'm a Hannigram fan, make of that what you will. Secondly, shipping does not mean "oh, these two are definitely canon, they have feelings for each other," shipping has always meant "I love their dynamic and can see a world where it could be romantic." That's why we have more than one.

Soukoku (Dazai/Chuuya) - Obviously this was gonna be my first choice to start this conversation. I think that soukoku is textually supported. I'm sorry, but there's just some things you don't write if you don't want people to ship two characters. These two are written for each other, therefore a perfectly valid ship. I myself do not ship skk, don't care about them as a ship at all, but I can certainly see the appeal. They have a history, and they're now on opposite sides, but still every bit the lethal team-up. I don't get the emotional side of it though – they inspire no such feeling in me, and I do believe Chuuya could definitely do better XD

Kunizai (Kunikida/Dazai) - This one I actually like quite a lot. I don't necessarily ship them in canon, but I believe they're good for each other. Kunikida with his rigidness and morals and Dazai with his carelessness and disaster that seems to follow him. I also like how Kunikida has a book where he jots down the best way to live, and Dazai has a book he carries around on how to die. I believe they're very different, but the sincere trust and care they have for each other, as well as the easiness of their partnership is something they both rely on and need. 10/10 ship.

Dazatsu (Dazai/Atsushi) - The age gap here is the biggest problem for people from what I've seen, but I don't think this is a proship or a bad ship that should be discouraged. Again, I don't ship it, but I feel it's perfectly fine if you do? "Oh, there's a power imbalance-" bitch, what power imbalance?? Like, you do know they're coworkers, right? Yes, Dazai saved him and Atsushi is grateful, but Atsushi is not stupid or blindly devoted or whatever. What he is, is mentally ill, but then again, so is Dazai, and if you think Dazai would take advantage of him, then that says more about Dazai as a character than it does the ship itself. Atsushi could definitely do better, and to me, that better is Akutagawa XD

Morizai (Mori/Dazai) - Well, I don't think I have any thoughts on this, other than the obvious ones. Dazai was a child in the Mafia, and they do seem to have a more guardian/ward relationship, fucked up as it is. Mori was definitely at least mentally and emotionally abusive to Dazai, from what we've seen. I don't think anyone would actually ship this? Unless you're talking purely fanfic scenarios. In this case, Dazai could do better. So yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and "nope" this.

Odazai (Oda/Dazai) - Now listen. Again, I don't ship this (I don't know if I ship anything that has Dazai, I hate the man), but if you think Oda and Dazai had a father/son relationship, you're delusional. Dazai cared so much for Oda, and upon reading Beast, I refuse to believe there was no universe where Dazai developed feelings for him. I think of them every time I listen to any Adele songs. "Them" being their Beast version. I'm so serious. This is a valid ship far as I'm concerned.

Dazaku (Dazai/Akutagawa) - This one is a ship that I get so riled up about. Because of the fandom. I honestly never gave this ship a second thought until I saw how hated it was. Then, I realized it's hated for all the wrong goddamn reasons. I don't ship it, because I hate Dazai on principle, but sometimes, I feel like I'm shipping it out of spite. It's like people can't make up their minds about the dynamic of these two. When you want to say Dazai abused Akutagawa, they'll be like "Oh, Dazai was a child, too!" Then you say they both grew and are healing – and maybe Dazai cared after all? – and it's all "You can't ship him with his abuser!" Well, which is it now? Is Dazai a bad guy still? Is it so wrong to want Dazai to care? To imagine Dazai pulling Akutagawa into the light with him? When people vehemently hate on this ship, I take that to mean "Yeah, Dazai is the worst, how could you ship Akutagawa with him?" Which, great take, I'm all for that. This ship is overhated in my opinion. Both Dazai and Akutagawa are two important pillars of what makes Bsd what it is. Their relationship is complicated and messy and important – so yeah, I'm not surprised people would ship this. Sometimes, toxic yaoi is where it's at, and you just wanna fix them. Akutagawa can DEFINITELY do better.

Souheki (Dazai/Ranpo) - I think they're besties. Absolutely nothing romantic here for me. I cannot see it, but I love them both, so I'd read fics at least. They're both geniuses who hold deep respect for each other. They may be able to understand each other much quicker and on a deeper level than other people, but I think they'd be a disaster if they were to date. Absolutely not. Plus, I'm a huge Ranpoe fan, so I'm biased.

Fyozai (Fyodor/Dazai) - They have a lot of tension, I'll give them that. They're two pretty, genius bitches playing 3 dimensional chess while everyone else plays checkers. Plus, being on opposite sides?? I can appreciate some enemies to lovers when I see it. I think if I were Fyodor, I'd definitely be interested in this young man who can match my intellect even as I've been alive since Jesus Christ was born. Also, don't ask me why, but they feel so gay when they're together – just, not for each other? I think in a no powers au, they'd definitely experiment together lmao. So, valid ship in-universe? I'm going to allow it. They could both do better.

Sigzai (Sigma/Dazai) - I don't know how this ship got popular?? I mean, sure?? Great ship?? Genuinely don't know what to say. I mean, they're there and they're both pretty?? I guess? Honestly, Sigma reminded me of Akutagawa, it was kinda funny to see. But go off XD??

I think that was it, lemme know if I forgot any major ships!

[trendywaifus]

Can i have Lisa,Eula and jean with an academic S/O who became smart through hard work , but still feeling like they are not smart enough?

Thanks for your writing btw they have been helping me whenever i feel down

school’s finna start soon so I’m glad I was able to get to this at a nice time. also, you’re welcome lovely! if you ever feel down just know that I’m always here for you and I’m here to stay. this blog right here proves it and this is for everyone else as well!

btw this is heavy in dialogues–ish. ( not proofread lol)

“ your cute little nose has been buried in those books for a while now, darling. i almost mistaken you for jean. “ lisa jokes sweetly, placing her hand on your back as she peeks over your shoulder to take a quick glance at your progress. you’ve tucked yourself away in the small corner of the library for the past few hours and now it’s almost closing time. for the time you been there, she doesn’t think she seen you out of that chair.

“ sorry lisa, “ you awkwardly laughed, “ i’ve been stuck on this formula for a bit. i still need to figure out the base ingredient for making the heatshield potion. “ she hums, her eyes skimming over the question and then your written out work. she rubs your back soothingly before she answers, “ you got almost everything down packed cutie but what you’re missing is butterfly wings. “

butterfly wings? was it really that simple?

you groaned, crossing your arms. “ that was such an easy and common answer, lisa. why didn’t i get that?” she chuckles airily and kissed your temple. “ don’t beat yourself over it too much. alchemy can be simple at times despite it being really complex. when i studied at the sumeru academy, even i was having trouble with some of the fundamentals and properties of alchemy. “

“ yes but lisa, compared to me, you’re, well—you! you’re a genius. you had to have gotten it right the first time every time! “

lisa frowns at your words. “ which was due to my insatiable hunger for knowledge back then. I can’t deny that i am more academically–gifted than others but you can only go so far with just pure talent. many people unfortunately doesn’t understand that. “

her words sinks in, you felt stupid for even exerting your frustrations on your lover, she was just trying to help you. “ no need to look so ashamed, darling. i understand how you feel completely, trust me. however, don’t let this discourage you from your studies. i really do admire your work ethic, you remind me of my younger self. . in a better way if i should say. “ she pats your shoulder and yawns.

“ with that being said, it’s just about time for me to close the library. since you haven’t gotten out of that chair, that rear of yours must be sore. so why don’t you be a cutie and help me put everything back up? i’ll reward you with kisses after~ “

eula steps inside of the shared home with a deep sigh. after a long day of the usual nonsense with the locals and patrolling she wants nothing more than to settle in bed with you. she takes off her heels and steps into the unusually dark living room. weird, normally you’d wait in the living room for her with open arms and a huge smile but you’re nowhere to be found. her first thought would of been you going to sleep since she did arrive late later in the night this time. that was until she notices a dim light at the end of the hallway from the shared bedroom.

she raises a brow and made her way down the hallway. “ unbelievable. “ eula mutters under her breath as she sees your hunched over figure at the desk, studying. “ you were like this when i left in the afternoon! “ you jumped at the sound of her voice and smiled apologetically at her, rubbing the back of your neck. “ my dear, you’re back! sorry, i got caught up with the material and i didn’t notice you’ve came in. “ the woman scoffed, crossing her arms with disdain. “ not greeting me at the door is something I can live with, but coming home to you cramped up in this room is ridiculous. did you even take a break, eat, or even come out of this room? “

you avert your gaze to the floor, swallowing thickly. eula impatiently taps her foot, waiting for your response. “ well? “

“. . . .uh, no? “

“ what the devil! what’s the meaning of this? you’ve been like this for the past few days! are there any exams I should know about that’s coming up? “

“ . . .no, “ eula was about to scold you but she stops herself as the sad look on your face makes itself known. her heart drops at the sight.“ i. .feel like i’m inadequate. seeing the people around me thrive while i’m stuck at a standstill. .hurts. “ you admitted, lips pursing into a tight line. eula stands there by the doorway in silence, finding the right words to say. she understands you fully, it scares her of how familiar this set up is. it was like she was hearing her inner thoughts when she was younger.

she sighs, “ don’t you dare say that, (name). you’re not inadequate at all. “ she walks over to you and rests her hand over yours. “ think of it like this, people have their own way of dancing, some may like to go slow or fast in terms of tempo to reach the end of their song. but, do you know what matters most for that to happen? “

“ practice and stamina? you’ve practiced dancing all your life, eula, wouldn’t you say those are crucial? “

“ yesn’t. i’m also trying to be more practical here, mind you. it’s about discipline and grit. you can’t have a good practice routine if you can’t separate yourself from distractions. you most certainly won’t have good stamina if you don’t have the grit to work yourself through inevitable trials and errors. i’m the way i am today not only because of the aristocratic ways but because of those two things. “

she takes it upon herself to close the book in your hands and sets it somewhere on the desk. a soft frown adorns her lips, “ but you also have to maintain your health as well, both physically and mentally. so whatever this you’ve been doing—needs to stop. now, come and get ready to go to bed with me my love, i demand for my nightly cuddles. “

“ my love, why are you up so late? “ you jumped in surprise at the familiar concerned voice and a hand touching your shoulder. you whipped your head around to see your lover, who had a worried smile on her face. if she was already home then it must of been almost midnight by now! you started studying around midday. “ oh jean, uh, i was just catching up on some notes. “ you explained, gesturing towards the set of papers in front of you. the blonde peered over your shoulder to take a look with a curious glint in her eyes. “ ah. .my apologies but, i don’t remember you mentioning anything about homework or exams coming up, no? “

you scratched the back of your neck nervously, “ no, i didn’t, i just wanted to study. “

“ and. .when did you start? “ jean asked softly.

“ erm, probably like two or three hours after you left?”

jean almost gasped before clearing her throat. “ i know that i’m not the one to talk about taking breaks but. .did you perhaps get a chance to take a walk or anything of the sorts? “ there was a short pause before you responded with a meek voice, “ . .no, no i didn’t. b-but to be fair, i lost track of. .— “

noticing your nervous demeanor, she lightly squeezes your shoulder and kisses the top of your head affectionately. “ i understand. you must be tired and hungry, do you want me to cook something while you rest in bed? “

“ no jean, i’m fine. you just got done with your official duties, it’s okay—“

“ i insist, dear. here, take my hand. “ with a warm smile dancing upon her lips, she holds out her hand for you to take. you tentatively take it and jean gently pulls you up. you stumbled a bit due to your sleeping legs but jean was quick to hold you steady. “ are you alright? do you need me to carry you to bed? “ she asks, her oceanic blue eyes filled with worry.

you chuckled softly, “ absolutely not, sweetheart. i can walk. let’s not put your back at risk here too. “ a light blush stains her cheeks; jean quietly leads you to your shared bed for you to rest. “ I-I will go prepare dinner for us, please stay in bed dear! “ she says shyly before scrambling off to the kitchen to hide the redness of her face as she hears your growing laughter.

[kaetastic]

IF ONLY YOU KNEW

pairing: Regulus Black x Slytherin!F!Reader

summary: She was born green. Well, not literally, but the bond between two Slytherins was like no other. Written in the stars, destiny had been made for the two long before they were even born. So if he was truly her soulmate, does she have to bear the weight of his absence until she wilts?

word count: 4.1k

warning: angst, talks of character's death. had a plot, lost said plot.

notes: I haven’t written in some time even though I know I could’ve :( It was more than writer’s burnout, but even that I can’t pinpoint why. I also feel that Tumblr is the ONLY social media platform that I own where I don’t feel discouraged at any sort of interaction. I feel free here because I get to publish a story and just read other pieces by other authors. I also feel like this story has less of a plot and more of angst LOL IM SORRY OKAY i just want to cry right now haha.

“It is understandable that you are nervous.” The soft voice filled the air. Even though the windows were perched open as wide as they could to invite new air in, the witch felt incredibly suffocated. There were a lot of thoughts circulating her mind, overlapping each other and cutting one after the other before it could be completed. She felt her energy dim down by each second as her brain welcomed the traffic. Sometimes she wished there were potions that could hinder the thoughts for just a moment.

Her eyes laid on the reflection of her figure on her vanity mirror. Despite taking care of herself and getting ready to combat the obstacles of the day, sleep was one thing that did not want to cooperate with her. No matter what magic. The prominent eye bags were embarrassing to say the least after consuming concoctions after concoctions. Specifically tailored to her own suffering by some of the best Potioneers and apothecaries. The best people that came when you had pureblood family connections.

The witch was blessed (as her late mother would say) for having such luxuries in her life without ever working for it. Except, her mother didn’t say that in a ‘you have to appreciate what you have’ and more like ‘you have better things than low-life people so make sure to use it to your advantage and rub it on their faces.’ However, she never understood. Yes, she had wealth to her name, she had always been gifted with extravagant gifts ever since a mere infant, and she had all the access to so many things a normal witch didn’t. But in the far back of her mind, she had one thought on an endless repetition. She would trade it all for him back. Anything and everything.

“No. It is not. I am not just nervous, I’m,” Y/N huffed out, pushing the sentences and thoughts she would need to the most prioritized in her head. Pushing herself out of the vanity seat, she paced from one side of her room to the other. There were jitters in her legs, suddenly she needed to let out the pent up emotions in a form of movement. “I feel so angry, it is indescribable, and then I feel so down.”

A chuckle came from the previous voice, “Yes, I am very much aware of your rollercoaster of emotions. In fact, wasn’t I always the one to call you out on it?”

Y/N rolled her eyes, planting her palms on the window sill, her pupils grazed over the well-looked after garden. The male blurted, “Would it be so bad?”

Despite being caught up on the butterfly that innocently planted itself on a leaf, the witch mumbled under her train of thoughts, “I don’t know. It could go so many ways and I do not like that. Just when I thought I was settling myself into peace (that was a lie), of course Dumbledore had to reach out to me.”

She held her head low, fingers fidgeting with the ring wrapped around her finger. It was so cheesy for it to house an emerald crystal, but cheesy was one side he showed her to no one else. Y/N plopped back down on the seat, her head resting on her hands. Gorgeous. A masterpiece worked on so hard the public sought after it so much just to take it from her grasp. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t with her anymore. She sighed, getting lost in the colourless picture. The witch stared at it with so much love and longing that it might’ve pushed her back to square one, “Reggie, I wish you were here.”

Her thumb caressed the framed picture so gently.

“What do you mean, my love? I am.” The moving figure in the photo smirked, leaning his body on the side of the frame. Y/N noted the curls in his hair gently falling down his face. Tranquil nights that were not exactly innocent shared together in a bed, she had always fidgeted with the strands of hair that stuck to the sweat beads on his forehead. Nights that she can count. She missed the feeling of it between her fingers, and the way he always smelt like his cologne. It was always lingering.

“Piss off Reggie,” The wizard laughed a melody she so dearly missed. “You know what I mean.”

Regulus’ lips fall into a thin line.

“I am always with you. Remember when I spent that one summer at yours? The stupid promise I made when we were kids that I was going to haunt you even when I am dead is still being upheld.” Y/N laughed and she couldn’t help but feel the tears prickling in her eyes, “You are more than capable. We both know it. Dumbledore may had his eyes out for us back then, but he’s a man who wants to do good.”

That’s where the issue lied. Why did Dumbledore send an owl to her? Even though in the letter, the great wizard had stated that she was invited for a private meeting- that had to be the most vague reasoning ever. Not to forget the fact that Dumbledore had remembered how great of a student she was. He stated that she had great skills and assets. That was it. The line ended there… before he mentioned that the meeting would take place in 12 Grimmauld Place. That had stuffed a blockage in her throat because Y/N couldn’t breathe after slapping the letter to a close.

Despite there being no inhibitors of that house for some time, Y/N could not bear the idea of making that place her home. She could not imagine herself getting out of bed, reading a book, and cozying up in front of the fireplace (the other tasking job would have been carried out by the elf) because every corner of that house reminded her of Regulus. There was no universe where she would settle in a place that reminded her of what she no longer had. So she stayed at the house they dreamt of for their future. It was bought by their families as an engagement gift for when they had turned 17. It was young, sure, but the two were more than sure. Additionally, this was the future set up for them.

The new house still held memories of him, but not as much. It was a comprimise but she would rather make home of a place that lacked her painful memories. Wrapping a hefty, tight chain around her chest, it felt like a punishment knowing that the house was once a wish for the two. Now, it’s just her living that wish.

Regulus kept yapping reassurance, always using the wit he was adorned for while Y/N entertained herself with the countless framed pictures of Regulus. It felt like a routine at this point. A restart to the cycle she wished would just end. With a wide grin, Regulus had his fist thrown in the air as he rode the quidditch broom as if he was born for it. An arm had been thrown over her shoulders, yanking her closer to his body. The couple smiled in bliss in their infamous green robes. So innocent, so clueless for the future that was awaiting.

The witch remembered it as if it was yesterday, the jealousy that always were aimed at the two by the other pureblood children of their age. To be bethrothed before you were even breathing the air of the world was one thing; however, to be bethothed before being born and falling head over heels for one another was a one in a billion. Always reminded by her great aunts and all the women in her life that in one form or another, they had to find peace in their marriage. They had to find and make love in the marriage. It didn't apply to them.

Even though their seniors would tease and jest them for how they were always joined hip to hip every single day, they knew deep down- they craved for what they had. The compatibility between the two was a dream not even fairtytales could match. She knew that girls had eyes on Regulus, who wouldn't? But it was more than wanting the boy, it was wanting what they had. Regulus never had to reassure her despite the few times a burn had ignited in her chest. She knew they were for one another. Who could rewrite what was already written in the stars?

The ideal pureblood match.

She realized Regulus had stopped talking. The wizard watched her with such affection in his eyes, “What does Dumbledore want with me?”

The nature of the great wizard always ticked her off. Despite being praised for doing so many good deeds like Grindelwald, he did some things very harshly and brazenly. Not to forget his favoritism towards Gryffindor. It was petty of her to hold onto a memory like that after all these years, but she couldn’t help it.

“I’m not too sure either. However… the timing of the letter and my brother’s escape is too coincidental for it to be otherwise.” Regulus replied.

Great. Even though the wizard had stated in the letter that it was just a private meeting between the two, she knew the wizard always had cards up his sleeves. If she was, thereotetically, to meet Sirius Black- she would actually freeze in time. The two Black brothers didn't exactly look identical, but the black curls, their mannerism... she hoped he became a worse prick than he was in school.

Y/N sighed out, she needed to get this over with even though she really did not want to face whatever it was, "It's time."

The wizard in the frame sent a comforting smile, "You've got this, my love."

Pulling the drawer of the vanity, the hinges creaking, she pulled out a box that was kept in pristine condition. It had been so long since she needed to take it out. It's not like she left her house often. She let her eyes rest on the frame before resting her hands on its side as if it had been the most fragile thing to exist.

"See you soon, Reggie."

The lid of the box shut out the talking wizard.

There it was in all its glory. Number 12 Grimmauld Place. The rumbling and droplets of bricks had ceased, revealing the door camouflaged to all eyes except those with magic in their veins. She didn't know how to feel. Despite preparing herself for a few days and en route to apparate, she was very much not ready. Her fingers suddenly went numb. Although, the grip on her box remained tight as ever.

Y/N felt as if she had gone mad. The voice of her lover when he was a mere age of 12 played in her ears, followed by his laugh. Not even controlling her muscles, the corner of her lips curled up at the memory. The peri-puberty voice would be completely gone in a couple of years when he reached 17. Now it's a voice embroided in a picture frame.

She breathed in before taking a step forward. Just get it over with. Without even knocking, she made the boisterous creaking of the wooden door as her announcement. She had done the one thing she thought she wouldn't ever have to do. Step foot into the house her late lover would've inherited. The place reeks of him.

It was depressing- the thoughts and the place. She stood at the entrance of the incredibly narrow hallway, the walls that used to hold up framed portraits of credulous Black family members now empty with decaying portaits. Unmaintained. Corners of the wallpaper had start to curl into the air, its sharp edges prodding in the air- ready to launch attack to whomever finds confidence. The floor panels creaked with every slight step she made, and her body was enveloped by a sudden fright when she heard faint murmurs.

"Blood-traitors..."

That voice. As her head shot up with nostalgia and eyes sparkled with hope, a petite figure made way into her peripheral, stepping down from the staircase. If Y/N had to use better vocabulary, she would describe it as an aged old creature with wrinkles on its skin that matched trenches of mountains, on the other hand, she would describe it as what you would imagine sagging skin. The witch stood in the entrance, suddenly feeling the box slipping in her grip as she stared at the elf with a wide smile.

Feeling a presence in a house he was sworn to protect, the elf turned to face the witch. No, the magic in her wasn't tainted. It hadn't been touched. At all. Pure. His eyes widened while the corner of his lips curled up. A smile he had only been giving to his Mistress Walburga Black for Godric knows how long.

"Miss!" The house-elf exclaimed. Holding his cleaning equipments close to his chest, he couldn't believe it. She was right in front of him. In flesh. Excitement jitters in his frail old body, excitement he forgot he could experience. This was beyond a good day. This make ups for the blood traitor who found shelter in the house he had been taking care of ever since the Black household had vanished. Well, partially. Kreacher did not know how to react.

"Kreacher." The witch retorted back, a grin now playing on her face as she stepped closer towards him. She remembered how the house-elf was always so loyal and dedicated to the Black household. Well, to all except Sirius. There were summers when she had resided in the house- times when she truly had Regulus all to herself. Even though she wished those moments were calm and peaceful, it truly was not. The bricks of the house stayed solid until chaos erupted from the same source every single time. Sirius. Y/N lost counts of how many times she had left Regulus' room to meet the scowls on Sirius' face. Shouts after screams, arguments after disagreements- it was the norm for the Black household until Sirius had left home. Then there were never much noise.

If there was one thing Sirius was right about, it was the more time Y/N and Regulus had spent time together- the deeper they were in the hell-hole of trouble.

The house-elf stared up in amazement, "Miss! Kreacher has missed you! Kreacher has lost count how long it has been since Kreacher had seen Miss!"

Sitting on the edge of her tongue, the witch readied herself to reply to the joyness but not a word. Not a speckle of sound was made. How long has it truly been? It was a foolish question to ask since she had been counting ever since Regulus had left home and never came back. A decade and a half. A chunk of one's life and she still believed that her heart could not be mended. Her heart heavy wherever she went, even the short walk through her garden. Maybe if she left her house more often and saw more people than those that came to visit hers for services, she would've moved on. Would it be wrong? To devote yourself to one person who you thought your future lied with, then find someone else? Would it be so selfish?

"It has been some time, Kreacher."

The house-elf nodded eagerly, he thought today would be like no other except for the fact that he now has another burden on his plate, "Kreacher hasn't seen Miss in so long, Kreacher asks what is Miss' business in the Black's home?"

"She's here for me."

The split second she gaped her mouth to respond, another much deeper voice responded. Standing at the staircase stood a man with little to no life in him, Azkaban truly sucked the life out of him. His skin lost its colour, grey and pale, almost sickly. His eyes looked like it sunk in deeper than before, he lost fat in his cheeks, and his beard somehow trimmed. He obviously controlled whatever he could, but a few months would not bring back the soul he had 12 years ago.

"Welcome back,” The wizard gave her a tight smile as if he knew she was trying to get under his skin. Well, she wasn't exactly trying- after years of not getting along together, it just happened naturally. Y/N tilted her head, "Thought I was meeting Dumbledore."

"Well," He shot back, leaning on the railings (that was enough for the house-elf to take his leave despite not wanting to), "You thought wrong. I have no idea how people falling for his tricks.”

She chuckled at the absurdity.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius shot an eyebrow at her question. For a moment she thought she had asked the wrong question. No. She did not. As he made down the last few steps, the man stood in front of her. At an angle, maybe with lots of alterations and blurring, he looked like her Reggie.

“It’s my home. Well, house,” He quickly corrected himself. “Though, I’m surprised.”

When he noticed she didn’t understand him, he continued, “This place was to be yours, was it not? But you left. Abandoned it even.”

While he had the joy to crane his neck around at the place that seemed to be holding onto its last thread, she had her eyes set on his face. He found it humorous. Funny. Amusing. There were not enough words in the English vocabulary to describe the burning in her chest. The wizard turned to her face, “So why are you not occupying it?”

“You’re infuriating as ever.”

“Thank you for the compliment.”

As much as she wanted to stupefy the man before her, there was one question she wanted an answer to. So many questions but she yearned to have its replied to. She mumbled, eyes wandering on the diminshed trimmings of the walls- something she suddenly became fascinated with, “How did you find out?”

He hummed, waiting for her to finish.

“How did you find out about him?”

Him. She clutched the cardboard box harder, leaving small indents of pressure that could be brought back with a little magic. Losing Regulus was something she had to make peace with, but having a photo framed of him that was capable of communicating with her did not make it easy. Especially when she had begged numerous times at the beginning where he had been. Where he had gone to.

'Your mind is clouded with questions that I cannot answer, and I am sorry that I will never be able give you that clarity. My absence will leave a hole in your days. I know that it is selfish of me to know of its consequence and still pursue with it but I wish you a good life, a life we talk so much of. A life that I can no longer be part of. No danger will trail you, our past is the past.'

The words were choked out of her throat as the sudden recall of his letter clenched her heart.

Sirius wet his lips, “Kreacher did. That was after I checked his room.”

Regulus' room. The room she had made enemies with ever since the disappearance. She bet it remained the same. The sheets made neat (just how Walburga liked it), the carpet inched slightly to an odd angle, the broomstick leaned against the wall, and the framed picture of them freed of dusts.

"Although, that elf never mentioned anything."

The glossy appearance of her eyes vanished into the air once she brought her attention back to the escapee in front of her. It was the same response she received when she had gone on her knees for the house-elf, begging with bursting springs out of her eyes.

You are truly cruel, Regulus.

"He said the same thing to me."

Now it was Sirius' time to be intrigued, "Were you not head over heels for my brother? Or am I missing some bits here?"

Y/N couldn't help but to chuckle. Sirius and Regulus was the face of the rebellion for the phrase 'blood runs thicker than water'. He did not know what happened to his brother, he did not seem to be bothered by it. They dare say Slyterins were full of hatred.

"Let's move to the tapestry."

Understanding of how suffocating it was in the narrow entrance, the two magical beings stood in the room that had generations of the Black family marked on. A room full of history. There was one name she only sought out for, and she lost herself in his name.

"I don't know either. One... one day," She cleared her throat, noticing how her emotions were gripping around her words. "He held me like it was our last time. I jokingly asked if he would miss me for a few hours. He didn't say anything. Once he left that door, he never came back home."

Her fingers traced over the 'some fifteen years earlier' text.

"I knew how strong he was. He was more than capable but I could not find sleep that night. It felt like there was something in me- telling me that something was not right. The bed felt wrong, the air was wrong- it all felt wrong. I then saw the sun awaking, so I did too. And on top of the kitchen table was this."

The wizard looked at the carboard box she was handing to him. He had been extremely curious as to what she was holding, but did not inquire. His breath stilled. The lid came off to reveal the young man he had grown up with. While he looked like he aged a hundred years with tattoos scattered all over his body, the wizard in the photo frame had encapsulated his youth. No moment would have prepared him when a voice rang into his ears.

"Oh, hello, brother."

Sirius nearly flipped the box out of his hands if it wasn't for Y/N's quick reflexes. The box floated in the air whilst the magic residue from her wand evaporated into the air.

"What- what is that!" Clearly he wasn't aware of the invention.

"A picture frame."

"Well, clearly it is! What do you take me for? A fool?"

Before he could snap another remark at her, Regulus chirped up, "I think we all do, Sirius."

The wizard took a step back as Y/N pulled out the frame out of the box, displaying the moving picture. It was as if Regulus was inside the frame. Stuck. It could not be.

"Regulus... I don't know how to explain it but he enchanted it as if it was him."

Sirius took a deep breath in before looking back at the picture frame, suddenly very aware of his surrounding. He did not know if he should throw a fist or flee from the room. What magic was this? He has never heard of an interactive picture frame.

"What dark magic have you guys dabbled in?"

Y/N threw a hard glance at him, "It is not dark magic."

"Then what is it? There is no such thing as a talking picture! I've seriously gone mad. Merlin."

Regulus and Y/N watched as Sirius gripped his mane of a hair, crouching onto the ground whilst he rock himself slowly. He was mumbling incoherent things under his breath. Regulus could not help the stiffle that escaped his lips. The younger wizard found it beyond amusing. It was entertaining him. At the sound, Sirius snapped up, pointing fingers at the picture frame.

"Why are you showing me this?"

"To show you how great of a wizard he was, Sirius. I, of all people, knew the dispute between you two. You don't need the closure but I know deep down, you wonder just the same as me. We grew up together under this roof and we both have so many unanswered questions."

"I know the irrational and troubling things we did back then, but we grew up, we saw things we didn't before. Despite all the evil we were in, Regulus and Kreacher refused to tell me what happened. Not a bit. I know that I cannot be the only one to mourn him because Regulus is more than a stranger- he's your baby brother."

Sirius's eyes met with her glossy ones, the term sounded so foreign to him. The man whose voice was not heard and thrown behind bars felt a pin poke his heart as he realized the woman before him seeked answers he now also wants.

[laebrumme]

Arlefuri is Interesting, Actually

So I was put onto a twitter thread that's been circulating around the Arlefuri community, and I was feeling to be in a bit of a fighting mood and I found a couple points brought up by the author to be the starting point for some more interesting discussions regarding fandom culture, so I decided it wouldn't hurt to have a "little" discussion around this thread and the points that are brought up.

A quick reminder here that I am not going to link the thread or use the author's name anywhere in here because this is not an attack post. While I am here to defend a ship that I really like and see a lot of value in against a really silly twitter post, I am not here to attack or be aggressive to anyone. This is something we really need to understand and my least favorite part about twitter is how it discourages thoughtful and elaborate response, which is why I'm writing this on my tumblr instead of writing a QRT or something. I want this to be thought out and civil, and there's a very good chance that the thread was written entirely in good faith, however questionable some of the arguments made are.

the amount of arlefuri shippers ive seen that keep going "you just hate it bc its yuri" without actually seeing an explanation why its such a good ship and why they keep defending it like its so canon.

Something that I've noticed as someone who has only been engaging in fandom for about a year and a half now and who got to see Arlefuri pretty much grow from inception to now is that, after a while (especially on platforms such as twitter that are so thoroughly infected by hate and aggression) communities will develop defense mechanisms based on certain patterns of how they've been attacked before. Especially in communities which are highly antagonized for one reason or another, it's easier to have a short list of most-likely reasons someone is attacking their ship than to actually engage with the argument. One of the most reliable and effective canned arguments that one might find in a particularly combative yuri enthusiast's toolbelt is the "you don't like yuri," or, in more extreme examples, the misogyny argument.

I'm not going to get into the MLM vs WLW in fandom discourse here because, quite frankly, I'm not interested and it's completely not related to anything going on here, however the argument is common within WLW ship communities because of the tension that exists between MLM, m/f, and WLW communities, especially because in a huge number of fandoms, MLM far outnumbers the WLW. It's a reliable argument to so many because, more often than not, the anti's argument is coming from a place of anti-yuri sentiment.

In the case of Arlefuri, attacks are so frequent that, for those that decide not to block and move on, it's more efficient to pull out a tool from the toolbelt instead of engaging with each and every anti post. Arlefuri shippers are, to put it bluntly, sick and tired of it and just kinda want to do their own thing.

yes, this sounds very yuriphobic as smn who ships renheng but i do ship yuri ships like acheswan, bronseele, clorivia, eimiko, and many more. not that im against rarepairs, but arlefuri is hardly a rarepair anymore, and the way the shippers are defending it, makes it feel like its as implied as the ships i mentioned above

I mean, doesn't everyone do this? Something else I've noticed is that every single HYV ship that has even the smallest basis in the canon has people that consistently go on about how, because of certain observations regarding design/symbolism/voice lines, the ship is canon. It's important to remember, though, that lot of it is playful banter or reactions borne of excitement, and very rarely are people actually insisting that Arlefuri is canon or even implied to be canon. Because with the exception of HI3 bronseele, there isn't a single HYV ship (that I know of) that is downright confirmed. And yes, that even includes Acheswan.

I think the observation being made here is a result of two things: Arlefuri as a ship just getting bigger, and how fed-up Arlefuri shippers are of being antagonized. The first point is very obvious: the more people there are out there to talk about a ship, the more confident and loud those discussions are going to become. The second one though is more interesting because I think, as a community gets antagonized more and more, a very natural response to people talking poorly about a thing you like is to engage with it even more. A lot of people, instead of taking the fight back to those that are attacking the ship, instead back away from the argument and, as if almost spitefully, engage with the ship even more. Hell, I've even seen some of my fellow arlefuri shippers talk about how this discourse is going to make them ship arlefuri even harder. It's just a natural response almost.

Also I genuinely don't understand what rarepairs have to do with the discussion at hand. It's brought up again later in the thread, and even there I'm not sure what point it's trying to get across. There's a though process there, but whatever it is it isn't communicated in the thread, which is no fault of the thread author since twitter is stupidly restrictive as a platform for arguments and expressing thoughts (that's why I'm writing this on tumblr).

literally what is the 'flavor' and 'dynamic' in arlefuri other than 'happy and grumpy' and 'enemies to lovers'??? they barely have any backstory together other than "girl one traumatizes girl two and gives her cake as an apology because it doesnt benefit her to be on bad terms with girl two". there is nothing appealing about their relationship, and honestly i feel like furina should just be her own person without that romantic nonsense.

Well I'm glad you asked!

Arlefuri is a ship that has a lot of layers and a lot of different interpretations, and I think the only way to get a proper understanding of why so many find the ship appealing is to go out onto the Arlefuri tag on ao3 and read some of more popular fics that are out there. However, I'm going to offer my personal understanding of the ship and why I enjoy it so much.

In short, the allure of Arlefuri to me lies in a simple concept: safety.

I think a lot of the misunderstanding around Arlefuri and why Arlefuri gets accused of being proship so often lies in a misunderstanding of Furina's story and what Arlecchino represents in said story. Namely, Arle wasn't the only person that made Furina feel unsafe during the events of the archon quest. Literally everyone that was involved in that quest was doing practically the exact same thing that Arlecchino did: cornering her into a position which would force her to reveal her identity as "false" archon. So coming out of the archon quest in Fontaine, Furina has not a single soul she can trust in Fontaine anymore because of how thoroughly traumatized she was in those last few days of her run as archon. Every single person involved in discovering the truth behind the Oratrice betrayed Furina in every sense of the word.

Obviously, the game has to make Furina warm up to the traveler for marketing sake (which is one of the only gripes I have about Furina's story), but aside from that, she still has a distaste for people outside. Evidence of this can be seen with how she talks in two distinct vocal modes which I'll get into here more in a bit.

This is all to say that, one, Furina is starting from scratch relationship-wise and can trust nobody, and two, that Arlecchino is no more of an antagonist than anyone else. The only difference is that Arlecchino was more forward with it, and Furina had built her up in her head as the big bad that would finally out the entire operation (that's where Furina's fear of Arlecchino comes from).

Where this all gets interesting is when you consider Arlecchino as pretty much a symbol for all that betrayal that Furina faced. Arlecchino, just like the traveler and crew, cornered her in a position by complete surprise that would, with one more move, force her to either prove herself as archon in one way or another, before they discovered that there's more to the story and moving their attention elsewhere. When you consider Arlecchino as a symbol of that, then what a relationship w/ Arlecchino represents is Furina learning how to trust and feel safe in the presence of other people.

This is a dynamic I explore in my own fic, "What Do You Want?" and is something that is explored to even more depth in the Arlefuri bible, "A Fatui Harbinger in Lady Furina's Court." Hell, even the biggest chapter of my own fic which is the catalyst for the relationship that is explored for the rest of the fic is literally called "Safety." The entire point of the ship is for Furina to find safety in someone and, through Arlecchino, to learn for the first time in her 500 years of life how to trust and love people.

I could continue on about why I enjoy about Arlefuri all day, if you can't tell, and I could start discussing the nuances of their grumpy/happy dynamic and all the gender stuff and various other examples of incredible writing and interpretations of the ship, but I think you get the idea. There's depth here. You just have to look for it.

arlefuri shippers+ships are fine IF you acknowledge that your ship is barely even canon (maybe until more infois released) and that there is no reason to be defending them so hard over very very very little crumbs, when most of those crumbs are actually headcanons that you made up yourself.

Again, nobody is earnestly going out there and defending the canonicity of Arlefuri. We're defending something completely different which I'll discuss in the next section. But even then, why should we? Why is a ship okay only if we acknowledge the lack of canonicity in a ship? We all are taking part in a culture that was literally borne of taking one canon or another and doing really silly things w/ it. That's why our fandom ancestors borrowed the term "canon" from religious studies and applied it to fandom: they needed a way to differentiate the stuff that was officially a part of the media and what was being written by fans.

We're all here to have fun. We're playing with dolls and making them kiss. There is absolutely no harm in us doing our own thing and engaging in a ship just as, say, a renheng shipper would. Just because a ship isn't canon doesn't mean that the shippers have to wear big signs on their backs that say "our ship is not canon and we are aware of that." This point feels strangely targeted in that way.

im not an arlefuri hater, infact, i was indifferent to it because i knew many people would ship it eventually, but seeing the ship grow more and more and the shippers attacking nonshippers with NO explanation on why they are defending such a copium ship is starting to make me hate it.

Okay, here's where the main discussion point is, and this right here is why I'm writing this whole essay/response thing.

This is a strawman.

This is not happening.

Every single Arlefuri shipper I've personally talked to could not care less if you don't like Arlefuri. Not every ship is for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that. But there's a very big difference between not liking a ship and antagonizing a ship.

One of the things I absolutely hate about fandom is how much power lies in the accusation of being "proship." If someone is able to accuse someone of being proship and that accusation sticks, whether it's true or not, that person is screwed. And the same thing goes for ships. If a ship is successfully labeled as "proship" then that means that everyone that might publicly engage with that ship is going to also be labeled as proship, and that means they're going to be antagonized, even if there is nothing wrong with the ship itself.

Because people misunderstand a single cutscene in the game, people tend to label Arlefuri as, at best, toxic, and at worst, proship. And after a while, this gets tiring, especially for a community that is relatively small.

As stated before, Arlefuri shippers are so tired of being attacked and accused of various things, and because of that, engaging with people that attack the thing that we like in a respectful way becomes really really hard, and at some point, these defense attempts have started to lean more and more aggressive.

This is where I think that perception of Arlefuri shippers being so militant come from: they're defending a ship that they like in a rather aggressive and fed-up way which is very easy to interpret as attacking people for just having opinions.

Like I said before, there's a big difference between not liking a ship and antagonizing a ship.

For some reason, so many people antagonize Arlefuri. And because of how much it happens, responses have become, more often than not, either canned as discussed before, or angry.

i am lgbtqia+, i support and love love lgbtqia+ ships (including hetero ships bht thats for another conversation) but i really dont see why arlefuri is such a popular ship.

I agree, that is a separate conversation, but I find it really odd that the author found it important to spend valuable characters pointing this out.

like i said before, rarepairs are fine and fun, go for it. but if youre going to mindlessly attack people without explaining your reason, you're going to be just like most neuvifuri shippers who like to see 'nonchalant tall person' have sex with 'smaller, more childish (mentally) and petite person'. its not the ship you like, maybe its just the image, the fantasy, the thought. or you're just projecting.

There is a lot to unpack with this last point.

First of all, setting aside accusing arlefuri shippers of attacking again which we've talked about, this is straight up infantilizing Furina. Again, I'm assuming this thread was written in good faith, but if it wasn't, that's an insidious thing to throw into the thread to make that implication. As much as I'm not a fan of nvfr shippers, even they don't deserve that.

Furina is bubbly and energetic, silly and a bit out there, but she is not childish. If you pay attention to any of the quests she's in post Masquerade of the Guilty, you'll notice that (at least in the English dub although I'm assuming it carries to other dubs as well) Furina has two vocal modes with which she speaks: one for when she's in public situations with people she isn't super familiar or trusting with, and one for when she's talking one-on-one with the traveler or otherwise in situations where she feels safe. That latter vocal mode is what almost all of her voice lines in the character menu are spoken in, and is what you can consider her true self (her Ousia version of herself) which is much more thoughtful, calm, and straightforward. When she is acting as her true self, she is incredibly mature and her 500 years of life and stress really start to show.

What I'm assuming the author is thinking of when they call Furina mentally childish is how she acts when she's around various people. This is an act. She still pretends to be someone she's not when she's out and about, and that version of herself (her Pneuma aligned self) is one that is designed to be as appealing as possible: energetic, silly, and slightly arrogant. Once again, it's a character, or if you're more partial to Autistic/neurodivergent Furina headcanons, it's her masking.

Another really weird implication that comes out of this last point (at least to me) is that any and all Arlefuri content is just smut. That's obviously not true--just take my corpus of Arlefuri work as three examples out of however many. And I think it's not fair to judge the morality of most ships purely on the smut. Yes, sex can be a very useful tool for exploring the dynamics of characters, and that is used quite often in Arlefuri (same as literally every other ship known to fandom), but, w/r/t Arlefuri specifically, so much more interesting discussions exist outside of the bedroom, and some of the most seminal and impressive Arlefuri works are those that do not focus around sex. "A Fatui Harbinger in Lady Furina's Court" by DarlingMistaken, yes, is rated Explicit, but only because of one or two chapters. The entirety of the fic is an exploration of Furina's PTSD and the safety dynamic I talked about earlier. Eris's "All Bark No Bite" is completely Arlefuri sex free for the first 16 chapters and has a lot of interesting discussions of Furina's loneliness leading up to the smutty chapters. "Embers" by ChonkCatto is a slow burn romance which dives even deeper to the psychological trauma both Arlecchino and Furina have faced, as well as an exploration of Furina discovering her sexuality. And while I'm not a huge fan of tooting my own horn like this, I'm personally really proud of the discussions I have about power, trust, agency, and how love needn't be loud and passionate in my sister arlefuri fics, "What Do You Want?" and "There Must Be Something Here".

And I also want to point out that literally every ship any of us likes is purely because of the image, fantasy, and thought. That's the point of fandom. I know the author is particularly talking about the sexual side of things, but even then, that's why we do what we do. We like the idea of our favorite characters smooching, and so we make them smooch. Sometimes it's for reasons that takes an essay 3k words and counting to explain, and sometimes it's because "I find both of them hot." There's nothing wrong with that, and there never has been. If you want to read more about my thoughts on this topic specifically, you can read my previous post on here, "A Short Discussion on Fandom Culture"

Finally, I want to leave y'all with a reminder that discourse like this a fire that only you can fuel. Twitter as a platform is designed to both encourage saying things that will bait a reaction and to encourage responding to said bait in as reactionary of a way as possible. And because of the character restraints built into the app, that makes communicating your full thoughts incredibly difficult, and starts forcing people to rely on gotcha's and mantras instead of properly discussing things. And when people start echoing the same things over and over, distain in those spouting those mantras is developed in people, no matter the intention. So just block and move on. Take a page out of the fuqing shippers' book and just move on, because unless we all engage in long discussions over thousands of words, nobody is going to listen to each other because twitter is designed for people to not listen to each other.

This is a war that nobody is going to win, and it's so much better to pack up your things and return home from the front lines. It's so much better if you let people like what they like and not like what they don't like and say what they will say. We're all just a bunch of random ass nobodies beefing about fictional characters.

Just block and move on. It's so much better.

Trust me.

[kebriones]

Idk if you have answered this before but how do you see the future for artists in Greece?

I know a small country with mostly agricultural and many people try desperately to meet ends meet and work a lot. Of course that's a global issue what work people prefer but i don't like art being discriminated.

In Greece how's it looking?

Unfortunately, greece is no longer a mainly agricultural economy. Tourism and shipping are by far our main industries.

It's true that many people struggle here, and the way things are going, will continue to struggle. And it's true that artists in general, not just here, always have the most unstable jobs and struggle.

It's not looking good. And for greece specifically everything seems to keep getting worse. The arts are overlooked on all levels, from primary school to university to funding for theaters or even exporting art. Nobody seems to understand how important it is for a culture to be producing and 'consuming' its own art. You slowly lose yourself when all you ever read and watch is from other cultures. Of course it's vital to interact with the arts of other cultures. But not exclusively that. Plus most of it is from the US/the anglosphere anyway.

All types of art are suffering here, but I see people keep trying. Not the majority, the majority of artists I know feel hopeless and defeated. But there are still artists who try to make it here. They make great music and comics and indie movies and great theater plays. And i do think that we can do so much more. The gaming and animation industries are almost non existent here, and there's so much potential there. You don't need some great infrastructure for those, you just need people who are willing to work, and a little financial support because so many people genuinely live in poverty right now. And it's these people who, upon given the opportunity will work the hardest. Many rich kids I know from art school don't care about working hard and making it, because it is actually very hard to be an artist, and it's easier to just go work for your dad's business than slave away in a moldy basement you're paying half of your income in rent for. In other countries with developed industries in these things, you don't need financial support to kickstart them, because there actually are studios you can go work for and learn in etc and the industry exists already.

The prevailing attitude here is that you need to migrate to find work, to be appreciated, to have a good life and do something that matters and not waste yourself. Which is, currently, the most reasonable route for an artist, and what I dreamed of when I was in highschool. But seeing a place like this destroy itself and become nothing but a fancy amusement park for rich foreign people sucks. There's talent and there's people with things to offer here and a culture that gets lost because everyone, including ourselves, sees our culture as just antiquity. Modern greek culture is seen as insignificant, wrong and bastardized, it's not something to care about beyond the tasty food, it's not as great as it should be and it will never live up to a past so idealized it's fake. This is connected to our perception of our own artistic production right now. You have Euripides, you don't need to worry about writing great plays yourself. You have all these ancient sculptures, you don't need any more amazing sculptors. A kot has been said about this problem modern greece has. Antiquity is inescapable and you need to look at it and accept it on one hand, but it is a crutch and a discouragement on the other. We struggle to exist alongside it in a healthy way.

Anyway I am hopeful that things can get better, because i think we can make them better. We just need to work harder and focus and make ourselves heard through our art, chase opportunities and build communities here and not give up when everyone around you is telling you you're better off in a soul-crushing job that will at least provide you with a steady salary for the next 40 years of your life that can barely afford you rent and groceries.