#I need it for me so bad it will not fix me but it may help

[pressplay-if]

I saw that the single mum route is the less angsty when it comes to family stuff. Which is lovely. However, it reminded me of something I was thinking the other day. I was trying to figure out what kind of depressive thoughts my MC may have (as I'm still deciding if he'll have depression or social anxiety). And since I always pick the single mother route (I love the idea of MC being the poor friend of the band), I got some ideas.

Basically, I guess my MC would feel a lot of guilt. He knows that his mother is busy with so much work not out of being a workaholic, but by need. Need that is significantly exacerbated by MC's existence. I do imagine a young MC especially feeling guilty and as a burden to their mum, since the poor woman has to raise them and work full time.

This is further increased as the years come by and MC decides to dedicate their lives to a band. A high reward but high risk kind of job. My MC could easily fail to achieve any major success. And then what? It's very easy to feel guilt. Maybe he should have tried to find a more stable job? Something to help his mother so she can lower her workload significantly?

Then again, I am sure my MC's mother would prefer MC to go after his dreams. So, I imagine, MC is also in a weird position where he also would feel guilt if he didn't pursue the music life. Because he is sure his mother would know, and she would feel bad. His mother could easily blame herself that her child is leaving their dream behind. And my MC couldn't bear such idea. So, he is stuck in a weird limbo.

Of course this may be just me overthinking. But it could be some kind of ideas that my MC could fester on his mind as he grows up. Since it's very easy to go from guilt to be burden, to guilt about existing, and then to decide to remove himself from life as that would, in a way, "fix the problem" (which is not true, of course, since suicide doesn't fix things).

Well, I'll stop rambling. This is perhaps a bit of a downer, so I understand if you prefer to ignore it. In any case this basically comes from me thinking a lot about my MC and this IF.

Why would I ignore it I love long asks. Although it does make me think that perhaps (given the current state of the hospitalization interlude) MC may need more options to describe their depressive thoughts. Bc in the interlude, it's all mostly symptom-based, and there's more screentime to MC getting better than MC experiencing the depression. This is partly for the sake of brevity (I'm worried about the interlude getting to long, given it's just another flashback basically, albeit a really important one). But the MC CAN in fact say they felt like a burden to their single mother in a later decision (not chapter 2, it's when they move out).

[cator99]

New Girl Saga Update:

The Stench And Rot Chapter

Due to my lengthy bathroom redecorating, the unemployed ftm had resorted to using the basement washroom last night. He reported back to me, overcome with despair. Even he— who has been a strong advocate for the new girl, despite all things— was left appaled and slightly offended. He had to clear a path and clean the seat just to use it. The landlord was supposed to come yesterday morning to fix the leak in there— and thank god she rescheduled. Imagine living somewhere illegally, tasked only with covering up your tracks so this is not obvious, while risking total household eviction if your presence is discovered (as I've independently established, this isn't the case but I cant have them knowing that I've had any dl contact with the landlord and I'd rather everyone believe their interpretation of events anyway so we have more reason to push her out— she's more than well-off enough to afford normal Toronto rental prices, which is admittedly part of why people have been more patient with her, since she's helped the ftm with rent when he couldn't pay it in the past— her room could go to someone who truly needs it, just like I did when I found this place after months of couch surfing and sublets!), and then to turn it into such a disgusting fucking mess, knowing it's only going to reflect poorly on the person who lives down there, who ftr has been at her boyfriend's place all week and had neither the time nor the energy to intervene when she came home at 5am and realized there was rotten produce in a fabric bag seeping its fucking rot juice on the kitchen tiles and stinking the place up... good god... dishes in the sink stacked like jenga that had been piling up since last time she was there... a bathroom with odd and mysterious stains all over the floor and toilet... clothes and garbage everywhere... clumps of hair seemingly sprinkled atop everything as a garnish.... stink and stench abound. My coworker-housemate is the only other one in the basement. She may be a clutter-accumulating type of person (for those without hobbies– collecting is a half-decent substitute. Whatever gets you out of the house, I suppose), but everything she owns, at the very least, has a designated place. Regardless. Despite being a rather loud and blunt person, she's been conditioned by Pins Girl (long gone... it all just feels like an old bad dream......) to not say a damn thing about the new girl's unsanitary habits. But the landlord had rescheduled for 1:30pm today. Something's gotta give. Exasperated messages were sent by her, as well as by ftm, around 6am. No response. Afternoon comes. No response. Chat registers that new girl had long since seen the messages.

I had my bedroom door open as got ready to go I for a grocery run around 1pm. From here, I can see down the hall and into the kitchen, which leads to the front door– slightly out of view from my pov, but I can always hear the door open and close, even if my own door is shut. This is when I observed new girl tiptoe up from the basement, noticeably careful to be as quiet as possible as she crept through the kitchen, slipping out the front door. She's not a quiet nor subtle person, so I immediately found it odd, and listened in as she made close to no sound shutting and locking the door. With her back to me, she likely didn't realize that anyone had noticed her do this. The landlord's arrival with the handyman was imminent. She gave her ETA. The group chat lit up in a panic. The other basement dweller woke up to check out the state of the basement. Not a damn thing had changed. As the minutes slipped away, panic set in. I went out to grab groceries. Basement tenant rushed to clean up as best as she could in her half-awake state. However, not wanting to actually have to deal with someone else's disgusting rotten produce, she simply threw it into a plastic bag and hid it in the storage room. Sprayed some febreeze. The stench was impenetrable. It then just smelled of febreeze plus rot and stench and aura of disgust. She did her best with what little time she had to clean, but she truly didn't know what to do with all of the clothes and new girl belongings that had been thoroughly scattered like an old barn in a tornado. She tossed it all into a bag, and again into the storage room. 1:45 rolls around. The landlord has come and gone, as the handyman had only decided to do a quick assessment in order to return later. Group chat is pinging in my pocket as I'm in the checkout line. Landlord had asked Basement Tenant if the ceiling in the storage room was still leaking as well. It has a slight leak. They had to go in there. Door opens– and the smell of rotting produce hits them like teargas.

I've since sent a message to the landlord explaining the situation, and that new girl has said she is looking for a new place, expressing that everyone is hoping this will happen as soon as possible, since her presence has become such a detriment to the entire household. Fucking hell... the absolute disrespect..........

[rooolt]

I’m truly always saying this, but like I desperately need riz gukgak to shatter to pieces emotionally this season. for me

[scissorcraft]

i really want to make isat friends…

[thedrotter]

redrew a few old expressions from february!!! one never notices how much their art style changes in some months till you compare side by side www

(the old ones for comparison ↓)

[dirt-grub]

Yea I didn’t rly acknowledge it continuing off that post you need to be normal about people who do drugs recreationally as well as addicts especially if you’re a self proclaimed leftist

[arcaneyouth]

WAAA WEIRD VENTING IN THE TAGS RAAAUGHGAH WATCH OUT

[triglycercule]

i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that

also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand

[advisorsage]

The universe loves me

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

[fexalted]

feeling a reawakened passion to collect every Yes album

[moodr1ng]

literally 1 review on etsy lowering my entire average from 5 stars to 4.9 and it like. shouldnt be there imo so im mad abt it

[domesticmail]

.

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

[exopelagic]

okay facing consequences of my actions

[lucyvaleheart]

.