#I need adhd testing pls I beg

[roseofcards90]

At this point I just need to ask for a psych evaluation because this shit is getting ridiculous 😭😭😭

[starjxsung]

hi my angel! it’s so nice to hear from you again! i’ve missed you so much🫶🏻

a month kinda feels like forever sometimes, right? i’ve seen many stars and star shaped things and i’ve been thinking about your every time <3 and hoping that you’re doing well.

i’m so excited for the kitten video. i’m honored that you thought of me bc cat lady™️ is my brand! skz with kittens may just heal my life.

im picking up my wristbands for lolla at will call bc shipping was like $80😪 buuuut its beginning to feel so real for me too, it’s crazy. im really really nervous and excited. and im so excited for your ateez concerts too!! (pls send me some good yeosang/san pics pls i beg u). my bf got me two ateez albums for our anniversary but they still haven’t gotten here😪😪

ahhh for kdrama recs i’ve watched the tale of the nine tailed (because im in love with lee dongwook, it can be a lil bit too long sometimes though), it’s okay not to be okay and my demon! and i’ve enjoyed them, especially the last two! now im watching an anime named Nana (my sapphic dream💔)

im so sorry to hear the kitten story💔 it’s always so sad when they pass away, especially when it happens in your care😪 thank you for always helping the kitties out 💜 another cat gave birth at my grandma’s house and the kittens were very sick, only one of them survived and has an upper respiratory infection. but we’ve been treating it as best as possible. one of the older kittens stopped using his back legs and is currently at the vet receiving treatment to see if it’s any neurological disease or something. and im so so so sad about that too </3

as for the comprehensive exams, i barely studied because i have, what i suspect to be, ✨undiagnosed adhd✨ i passed one of them but the other one (which is a really stupid test in itself tbh. everyone was really pissed at that one bc it doesn’t really evaluate anything) was a hard fail😂 im not too stressed because i have a shot during next semester to pass it.

i,once again, am so glad to have heard from you <3 thank you (and momo, what a cute pic!!) for always rooting for me! my kitties and i are always rooting for you as well🫶🏻 i send you so much love from the middle of nowhere to the middle of nowhere. i hope you’re taking care of yourself too and taking time to do what you love at your pace🫶🏻

i love you bb! im here for you💘

-🐈‍⬛

STOP OMG I think of you all the time when I see anything cat related these days 😭 the love extends from me to you and back again like ten times over. I love you so so much

counting down the minutes until skz x kittens video. Jisung with kittens is going to heal me spiritually I just know it (though based on the teasers those kittens dgaf about any of them LMFOSODJFKFKDJ)

I cannot believe Lolla is so close like I swear we bought tickets yesterday??? And tour is going to be announced any day now im genuinely tweaking I need them to stay away until I save more money 😭😭 also I PROMISEEE to get the best Yeosang/San pics I am physically able to. I love you so much in my head we r going to every concert together and we have barricade seats.

Ahhhh I will totally check out your recs!!! I’ve heard so many good things about Nana and I bought a Nana keychain the other day despite not watching the show literally just bc it was so darn cute. Once I have my purse again I’ll post a good pic of it and if you like it I can buy you one & mail it to you !!! There’s a little boutique near my apartment that makes & sells them and they’re so cute you’d LOVE them

I’m so sad to hear about all the kitties :(( Momo had a respiratory infection when I found her and it was so sad watching her sneeze every 2 seconds and administering so many meds to her ☹️ I hope the RI goes away quickly and I hope the kitty with leg problems gets well and that it’s not a neurological issue, that’s so tough 💔☹️ thank you for always taking such good care of them, you’re such an angel 🫶💞

HEY you passed one exam though!!!!! That’s so major!!!!!!! You should be so proud of yourself my angel!!!!!!! Sending you all my love and I’m sure you can nail the other one on the second go around. Sometimes you just need a second try and that’s perfectly okay. You did your fucking best and that’s reason enough to celebrate ❤️💫

I love you so so much and I’m so glad to hear from you too my love. I get through my worst days remembering that people like you exist and I hope you’re taking the best care of yourself possible. precious cargo 🫶💫❤️💘💝 I love you !!!!!!!!! Pic of me and Momo (real):

[seeingoutofemptyetes]

TW ANA VENT AHEAD, PLS DON'T READ IF IT MAKES U UNCOMFY

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y'all i need help ASAP.

i've tried everything but the fucking cravings aren't going away. i've drank a metric fuckton of water, i've tried distracting myself, it's barely 6pm and i'm about to give up. my fucking adhd brain is practically begging for dopamine and idk where else other than food i can get it from, even my favorite songs aren't working anymore. its so unfair that i have to put this much effort into something that comes easily to everyone else. i can't even consider eating bcs i already had lunch (i'm doing OMAD [=One Meal A Day]) but i'm so hungry i'm about to cry and normally i wouldn't bitch about it so much, but i had a horrible day, i had three tests in a row at school and my dad went out an hour ago and is currently nowhere to be found and he won't pick up his phone or reply to my texts, i'm literally going to cry or something, i need help. i actually want to kms right now, pls share some tips i need all the help i can get.

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[amirattar-blog1]

( aiysha hart | she/her | cisfemale ) livin’ in the sprawl can be interesting for AMIRA ATTAR. the 29 year old is a WEB DEVELOPER living in an APARTMENT when i met them, they seemed kind of RESOURCEFUL, but also kind of IMPATIENT. who knows what they’ll be like? [ 80s SYNTHPOP, FORGOTTEN CUPS OF COFFEE, HOUSEPLANTS, AIRPORT BAGGAGE RECLAIM, TAPPING FINGERS AND PENS AGAINST SURFACES, THE BRIGHT LIGHT OF COMPUTER SCREENS, WIDE SMILES & LOUD LAUGHTER ] 

name: amira attar.  date of birth: 12 december 1988. gender: female. sexuality: biromantic, bisexual. occupation: freelance web developer.

hello everyone! i am riina (she/her) and i am super excited to be here! here are some nuggets of information on my sweet amira. 

okay, so! amira and her four siblings were all born in dhahran, saudi arabia where her saudi father and american-born mother were both working as doctors for aramco. amira spent the first eight years of her life in KSA before the family decided to relocate to stanford where her parents continue to work. her father in particular is pretty renowned in the field of neurology.

her parents made it very clear they expected their children to find some sort of a passion in life and pursue it as long as it made sense and would provide a decent living. amira sort of bullshitted her way through the subjects she found even mildly boring - she really has no patient for things that don’t interest her - but did remarkably well in the subjects she actually cared for to the point where she would do calculus for fun. what a nerd.

she fell in love with computers and coding at an early age. her parents fully embraced their daughter’s interest and allowed her to dick around with the family computer.

high school wasn’t a fun time for amira; she struggled to form friendships outside of her family for most of her teenage years and ended up feeling like a complete outsider. she was also chastised for her inattentiveness and restlessness by teachers and extended family. she was later diagnosed with ADHD and was homeschooled for the last year and a half of high school since her school couldn’t offer the support she needed. luckily for her, homeschooling really helped her academically. 

actually went on to study computer science at caltech! she did fairly well simply because she actually loved what she was studying and actually felt at home. HOWEVER, the thought of pursuing a higher degree and/or becoming one of the silicon valley types made her freak the fuck out. luckily for her she didn’t have to do either; she and a fellow student developed a website optimization platform where companies could test different versions of their website in order to improve accessibility and customer experience. 

while their software ended up being a hit, things went south when amira and her business partner started a pretty tumultuous relationship and soon realized it was a terrible idea. this is when she walked out and escaped to black sheep. she now makes a living as a web developer and is generally pleased despite missing her former job’s challenges. 

while she usually seems super confident and comfortable in her skin, amira does struggle with the way her ADHD affects some aspects of her everyday life. she’s still trying to get rid of some lingering self-hatred and can go from incredibly self-assured to beyond flustered in one second flat.

SUCH A LOVING SOUL. she’s really trying and will befriend almost anyone. kind of overbearing in her enthusiasm.

now for some connections!

amira has lived in black sheep for nearly four years. she would have formed some friendships in that time and it’d be great to have those connections from the very start! pls let amira rant about tech things, i’m begging you.

perhaps a former client, someone who needed amira to code a website or just teach them some basic HTML for whatever reason.

perhaps a past fling or two? or even an ongoing thing! could be of any gender!

give me a neighbor who just can’t comprehend her bizarre circadian rhythm and might voice their concerns, or a person who frequents the same coffee shop and is there to witness amira’s frantic typing as she codes like an absolute madwoman while trying to finish her projects.