#I need a break from family now

[superbattrash]

The Deepest Sigh Known To Humankind 🥲

Today my mother asked me if I “couldn’t just fake it”, when I told her I do not know if I can go to their place for New Year’s Eve because I don’t know if it’ll be a good or a bad day. Fake it. It being my happiness and/or complacency so she doesn’t have to pretend to worry about me

I know she doesn’t know how to worry, how to be a parent who actually cares but I didn’t realize it was to this extent. My bad, I guess

I told her “sure, mom, I can just fake it like I have been doing, you know, the thing that got me on sick leave and broke me so bad I can’t even be near people I love” and she got all awkward and just ended the call

I don’t know how to get through to this woman. She doesn’t take me seriously. I’m trying to be honest and more open with her and she just. Disregards it all

On Christmas she asked me about my weight loss and asked to take a photo of me. I did a silly pose and proudly told her how much weight I’ve lost - you know, despite battling my eating disorder - because I’ve done it in a healthy and nonrestrictive way and it means I’ll be able to get my top surgery next year hopefully. She then told me I had to stop now (because she’s gained weight after her WL surgery and she’s bitter about it) but she also needed the picture because her friends are asking about me and she doesn’t have answers for them. Because she doesn’t talk to me

I’m just so damn tired. One second she seems like she cares but then it turns out it’s because she needs info for her friends. And then she turns back into the woman who doesn’t care, who doesn’t want to get to know me or listen when I talk

Can January just come now so I can go back to therapy… 🥲

[peanutseagle]

tea time with the bestie

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[bixels]

While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

[tblsomedoodles]

The Preferable Alternative - part 12

Start - Previous - next

: )

[queerprayers]

i want to say first of all that i fully respect a community's/denomination's/culture's right to have closed practices. i am not entitled to other people's traditions, and when i am a guest in a space i understand that everything is not automatically for me. and i know i do not have to understand to respect.

and also! when i go to a catholic church and can't receive communion i want to fall on the floor weeping. what do you mean i can't have him he's right there. sorry my baptism was the wrong kind of baptism. i'm hungry and you want me to become someone else before being fed.

[stromer]

can't get over qh43 actually speaking up about the locker room tensions in van and the jtpete divorce debacles x5 . like imagine being a 25 year old captain talking to a canadian market like "yeah, we all kinda hate each other rn Lol"

[triglycercule]

horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

[nerdie-faerie]

I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.

Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.

Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents

[myreia]

✦ D I S C I P L E O F T H E H A N D

Alchemy for potions. Blacksmithing for repairs. Leatherworking and weaving for mending. She is not an artisan, but the basic skills she has picked up over the years have served her well. Self-sufficiency has always been at the forefront of her mind, and she is pleased that she can keep herself afloat when needed. Besides, crafting is relaxing. A hobby or two here and there is good for her mind. —level 90 compendium

[goodolddumbbanana]

It would be so sad and funny if Sun will be the one who puts the end for Nexus.

You know how All Moon's variants and Eclipse have a habit of mockery and taunting Sun when it comes to murder? Like Old Moon, Like Eclipse v1, v2, like Bloodmoon v1, v2, Computer...

It usually doesn't end well for them. Sun had killed BM v1 in anger, Eclipse v1 in self defense, Eclipse v2 to protect his family and truly he was tired of Eclipse's crap, Bloodmoon v2 nearly got blasted to death,...

So what if, Nexus, after being a "Bad guy" aka "IT NOT A PHASE SUN, IT IS WHO I AM."

Decide to continue the tradition of classic good old dumb characteristics of Moon, taunting Sun.

Maybe it will be along these lines like: "You can't hurt me Sun." Or "Do you really want to prove to yourself that you just like Eclipse?" "Sorry I guess I was wrong. You are worse than Eclipse."

And then maybe Sun will snap in anger and hit him unconscious or dead. Or maybe, just maybe Sun decides enough and enough and the plan Nexus and Dark Sun gonna do would hurt his family and he is just so tired.

He will be like, Nexus turns out that way is my responsibility, and I need to fix that. -Good old Sun move, and then do something very dangerous.

I don't know how they would interact or how the outcome will turn out, but it definitely will break Sun.

When Sun says when you kill a member of the family, there won't be any routes to come back.

I want to see how Sun, will kill 2 members of the family, again and again. Because, when we look at the fact who has the highest body count when it comes to killing their siblings, it surprisingly is Sun.

Sun indirectly killed the Old Moon, indirectly making Lunar runaway and ended his life in the hand of Eclipse. If we talk about how Eclipse supposedly is Moon, and then... Hoo boy... Directly and directly death in Sun's hand. And because Ruin chose Sun to live, Solar died. Seemingly Sun is the centre of a lot of the murder of family themes.

[hylianengineer]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Unfair unfair why is the universe mean to me. I'm tired I hurt I want a break aaaaaaaaaah.

I don't even feel like I get to complain because one of the things I'm screaming about is my grandpa being in the hospital again which is way worse for him. But aaaaaaaaaah.

I need a break I need a break how the fuck does one ask for time off work without a good reason other than 'my mental health is falling apart I haven't had more than a day or two off in a row since March my brain is like permanently soup now and my depression has returned.' I need a break. It has to be soon or else The Big Project will resume and kick my ass some more. I should be preparing for The Big Project, phase 2, but really, it could wait a week. It could. Also, it's my project. What's gonna happen if I don't get it done? I don't get to publish a paper. That's it.

[papyrus-in-places-he-shouldnt-be]

Papyrus shouldn't in therapy

Because he should be okay!

[pendragora]

.

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

One day

One day I hope people realize that Kitsunami already "broke through his programming" back by issue #56 of Idw Sonic

He had an entire mini arc where he dealt with being without Surge for the first time, and in the real world. He met Sonic and his friends directly, tried to work out what his purpose would be without Surge in his life (gave it a shot trying to devote himself to Sonic, seeing him as the next best thing after Surge). And when it was all said and done, he decided after experiencing more that at Surge's side is where he wanted to be.

As of the recent IDW issues, Kit isn't sticking with Surge "because of programming" and "because he just needs for other characters to friend him and turn him into a better person". He is at her side because he wants to be. He protects her and aids her because he cares about her, not just because he's serving the strongest guy in the room. And he's not interacting with others because he's decided not to give a shit about anyone else other than Surge (because from his pov, even the "good guys" are fake. From his pov, everyone is someone trying to lie and manipulate their way into pulling him and Surge to their side)

Kit already has decided what he wants to do with his life. And he decided it on his own. Not because of anyone else's wants or wishes. That's the whole point of his speech at the end of #56.

He's burying whatever his and Surge's past is and moving forward with his conviction to be with Surge because it's what he wants.

[ghostscrown]

Sorry for being less and less active this last month but this is the reason:

Someone help me