#I need Gan Ning stands too :D

[nei-ning]

My newest addition to my Grimmjow (and overall) stand collection :D I ordered him with Ichigo BUUUUT the seller hadn't send me Ichigo for a some reason... Tho, I am happier that I got Grimmjow. Ichigo would had been super nice too but I would have felt more bad if it would had been Grimmjow who was left out of the package.

Heck expensive for a stand, 2 months waiting BEFORE the seller bothered to ship the item but luckily the shipping was fast otherwise.

He has so pretty eyes <3

[nei-ning]

Another short dream. I was in a block building, weird shaped in a way. Like a... Pyramid more or less but it didn't "narrow" towards the top.

My ex-friend was with me and we needed to find a way out. Balconies were the best solution. At some point this friend of mine changes sides, starting to chase me. I had something what she wanted (a name if I don't remember wrong).

I escaped on balcony, hanging from it when I saw her in the room below me. I asked her why she wants it and she said something like she just wants it or something. I refused. It was too important to be given to her, or to anyone else.

On every balcony was water pipes which transported / brought water in each apartment (bath, drinking, toilet etc). She turned something on and these pipes opened, starting to flood half of the building / each balcony with water. Hanging from the balcony became harder since it was demanding more strength now to hold on not to fall. I was so high I would have died if letting go.

There's now tall older woman and I tell her I need help. She smiles the same way old Japanese women do in Ghibli movies. So sweet and tender! She nodded and said we need firefighters and their truck. I agreed but also said it would take too long and I can't hold on that long.

Then my own parents gone there with white van and I don't know how they get me down since I was almost at the top of the pyramid house but the did. After I was down, father went after my "attacker" while mom made sure I was okay (nothing like this has, or even wouldn't, happen in real life).

I was fine and my parents took me in this tiny second hand shop. I was wondering between buying white & pink sparks (heart shaped) or dark brown glitter with light caramel glitter mixed in it. These were fingernail decoration stuff. Hearts were 2,99€ and glitter 0,99€. Mom asked what's wrong and I said I don't want to buy both so I'm wondering which one I should take. My mother swings her hand with a "Ppffh!", saying: "Take them both! I'll pay." I tried to argue but she insisted. So I decided to take them.

At the end of the dream, while standing outside of this pyramid block, I hear male voice trying to say his character's line. One simple word in Japanese with low and serious voice. I first think it's Gan Ning or Grimmjow but the voice doesn't march them. It turns out to be Ichigo!

He tries to say: "Sodesuka / wakatta" or something like that. One word with dead serious, low deep voice. But he fails miserably :'D you can HEAR how this held back laugh snort escapes him right at the beginning, his voice shaking with held back laugh while being way too high. He just CAN'T stop smiling either! I find it amusing, hahaha :D Then I woke up.

[nei-ning]

I've seen A LOT of tigers (pics of them) in the last few days. Like ridiculously LOT! I normally see them very rarely, one pic there or there. Not now, tho. I need to clear few things about this before going deeper. I love Wu army the most in Dynasty Warriors. Their animal symbol is tiger. My Chinese Zodiac Sign is tiger.

Naturally I decided to google tiger's spiritual meaning. Here's short list of it:

A symbol of protection and authority

Serves as a guardian

Offers support and guidance

Encourages individuals to stand up for their beliefs, assert their boundaries, and embrace their innate leadership qualities.

Powerful

Courageous

Strong-willed

Gives you the energy and personal strength you need

Brings you greater self-confidence

Now, to the "second" thing. I've said it many times here already how I "talk" with characters / channel them. I can do it super easily. No, I'm not lunatic, delusional etc. I've no schizophrenia either. Possible autism and ADHD, yes, but those are not important now (even tho related for sure to my case). Rest will be under the cut because long post :'D

Last couple of days I've been daydreaming about Gan Ning A LOT! Interacting with him, sitting down with him for conversations etc. I find great joy in those moments, I honestly do. Those moments have make me happy and feel like I'm in a warm company of a friend who I found again after years of being apart. Anyway! Yesterday evening was one of these moments where I chatted with Gan Ning.

He had a map on the table in front of him and Lu Meng sat across him. Lu Meng was teaching strategy to Gan Ning who, obviously, hates it. He has told me many times: "I'm not strategist. I am a fighter. Point me the way and tell me what to do and I go and do it."

So, as I observed these men, Gan Ning then asked me to check the map too. So I did. Long story short, I ended up explaining my plan for the situation even that I am not strategist either. I also have low self-esteem, always looking and thinking down on myself, always being mean and nasty to myself, mocking, name calling, all that. This side of myself started to surface during the "plot planning" but Gan Ning didn't hesitate to stop me.

He looked at me so gently with a friendly smile on his face, "lecturing" me about my way of treating myself. How I have this "leader" in me and I need to go deep in myself to kick her ass and bring her up. Mocking "Nei" is not allowed. I did that, getting back on planning with more firm and leader-like Nei. Both Lu Meng and Gan Ning were silent as I kept talking, finger moving on the map.

When I finished, Gan Ning was SO PLEASED! I mean that guy was radiating pride and joy! :'D He told me I need to be more like "leader Nei" (leadership qualities was tiger's message), have self-confidence (also a message from tiger) since I HAVE everything in me already to BE that. I've allow "mocking Nei" be in charge for too long, most part of my life, actually. But truth to be told, I was so surprised about myself as well! I mean, I have never plan "a strategy", never been firm and expressing myself with confidence. All that was new but I liked it. I liked the feeling of me being calm and confident.

I had long conversation with Gan Ning after that and I just love and appreciate it how supportive and encouraging he is! Truly a great friend! <3

I also need to mention I've been having same kind of friend conversations with ALL my favorite characters during daydreaming the last 20+ years. It has been like therapy to me, allowing me to cry and pour out my heart, pain and sorrow. Get comfort and support when no one else was there to give it to me. Laugh and joke in the moments of loneliness. Stuff like that. In all honesty, fictional characters have helped me more than any human ever.

I'm not saying there wouldn't have been / isn't lovely human beings who HAVE been there for me whenever I've needed a friend since there is BUT the thing is I CAN'T (and don't want to) bother them 24/7. That's why I lean on fictional characters so much. They are there in that second when I need them, a friend, for any reason.