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acetarisborn · 4 years ago

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Happy (delayed) international asexuality day!!!

I haven't written (and posted) in a while and one of my most popular posts is the one about me simping for Asmo from Obey Me while being ace so... what better day to post this than yesterday!! But I fell asleep so now...

The brothers falling in love with an asexual MC

This is my first time writing one of these so it may end up feeling more like fanfiction than headcacons lol.

Asmo

The second you saw this gorgeous charming man it was love at first sight, and he felt the same way

Although you might have felt a little intimidated when you found out he's the avatar of lust. You might even think you have no chance!

But oh boy are you wrong

This man adores every aspect of you. From your gorgeous body to your breath-taking personality and he knows you love him as well.

The surprise in his eyes when he finds out you don't like him only for his looks is priceless

He can't help but blush brightly every time you give him the slightest of compliments, which sometimes turn into ankward laughs if he adds a sexual advance at the end

You try everything to let him know without telling him. Wear the ring, make several ace jokes and even wear the damn flag pattern on your clothes, to a point that the entirety of RAD but Asmo knows you're ace

But to be fair he might not even know what asexual means

He lets you know his feelings in a BIG way, something very intricate and romantic like a huge banner with help of the bros or plans a situation where you two end up dating

When you tell him you're asexual he's shocked to say the least

Not all humans enjoy sex?! Truly the newest concept he's ever heard

He does get sad at first, realizing he won't be able to experience that pleasure he's been fantazising about, but once he thinks about how out of all the beings in the Devildom you fell in love with the demon of Lust himself he bursts in laughter

He stops abruptly once he realizes why you look scared or sad because of his laugh and explains himself immediatley

If you tell him you understand if he doesn't want you he turns serious and grabs your hand

"Mc, you are the most gorgeous, kind-hearted and amazing person I've ever met, I didn't fell in love with how you are in bed or anything about sex! I fell in love with everything that makes you, you. I would never leave you over something so... so ridiculous! No matter how much I enjoy it!"

Once you guys start dating he showers you with gifts and fancy stuff (mostly skincare products)

He starts being super cautious about what he does or says, but eventually loosens up after the thounsand time you told him to do so

He also loves kissing you all over your face (if it's okay with you). On the lips, nose, cheeks or your forehead

All because he wants to remind you every day how precious you are in his eyes and that he loves you no matter what

Beel

You can't tell me you guys didn't fell in love that time you shared a room, you knew at the spot but this certified himbo is very oblivious

"Im hung-" He never gets to finish this sentence again because you always have a snack or food to offer him

Of course this is what starts his liking to you.

He doesn't realizes at first but it's the little things like what draws him in

He always wants to seat next to you at lunch and just talk for hours, he blushes at the sight of your smile or his eyes light up every time he sees you walk by

He begs you to cook for him no matter how many times you already do or say you're terrible. If you make him a bento this will make his whole week

Once he realizes his feelings he plans to tell you, not knowing you were planning on telling him you're ace and doing the same

"That's cool but um...whats an ace?"

Once you explain it to him he's a little surprised but nothing too extreme, he understands and didn't paid mind to sex anyway, he's happy he got to know beforehand.

"Oh, that sounds like you, good to know, specially now, because..."

He stops hiding a big box of chocolates and opens it, the chocolates spelling "Will you be my partner?"

If you ask him if he's okay he nods almost agressively, which ends up in you tackling him in a hug

Once you start dating he's ready to provide bear hugs and cuddles, he's the cuddliest demon in the Devildom

"Hey, I found this food/thing with the ace flag colors, thought you might like it"

He asks you to help him cook whenever he's hungry. Doesn't matter if it's the greatest culinary piece ever or an absolute disaster, he's happy he gets to spend time with you.

Levi

Okay but that overflowing PASSION when he rambles on about TSL, that fire in his eyes, *chef kiss* you can't help but stare dreamily at him

"watcha looking at normie?" He asks while blushing madly at the way you kept looking at him

The first time he finally accepted he's in love is when you dragged him to your room to watch a new anime, he realized you were a total weeb just like him (And I know you are because why else would you be here?)

Since then you have anime nights at least once a month with all the snacks you can get in your bed or couch

He obviously loves playing any kind of videogame with you, he doesn't like some of the ones you do but plays them anyways just to see you celebrate once you've won

Dragging you to conventions is a given, he spends weeks making you the perfect couples cosplay, staying all night muttering about how yours needs to be perfect

Since most of his brothers don't care/like or are too busy for his ramblings about a new game or anime he goes to your room very often. He's happy you're always there for him.

But IS HE JEALOUS

If he sees anyone flirting with you in the slightest of ways he'll go into overprotective mode. In a bad day this means as much as asking you for a pencil in class

We all know he puts you in a bit too high of a pedestal compared to him, but it's because he loves you and tries his best to gain confidence once you tell him how wonderful he is.

"They're so cool Henry! They are so nice to me and so pretty. I don't deserve them but do I want to try!!"

Since he's too shy and introverted none of you have asked the other out yet, but you decide to trust him and come out to him first.

"Oh yeah, I know plenty of asexual characters, I know what it is. That's great! You have my whole support!" This one takes you off guard

He talks about how he kinda suspected it but never said a word in fear that it could offend you.

This was enough for you to jump in and tell him your feelings.

To say he's blushing is an understatement. His whole body is red

"I like you to...But a-are you sure? You're just so pretty an- and amazing and I-I'm just a yucky otaku... Not that all otakus are yucky! You're not! Oh crap, I'm so sorry."

You snap him out of his rambling with a hug or a kiss, telling him how much you love him no matter how he belittles himself, because he's already perfect.

He tackles you in a hug out of excitement and says he loves you too

He has no problem with sex at all once your relationship starts, he wasn't having any to begin with and never thought of the idea of you guys doing it, so it's pretty much the same.

He tries his best to make bentos for you or use any romantic tecnique he has ever seen in romance animes

Instead of overprotective mode he now brags about his amazing partner to everyone he can.

"Mc, we should cosplay these characters! This one's ace!"

He'll do anything for you to feel safe and welcome in his arms no matter your sexuality.

Satan

This lovable bookworm fell in love later than anyone (except Belphegor) did, in the train murder mystery.

At first he thought it was mere admiration, but then why was his heart beating so fast?

Don't get me wrong, he's outraged. He hates that he's not paying attention to class to write poems, being distracted from his books because his mind wonders off thinking of you, and he despises that every time you bring him a cup of tea or flash a smile his face turns bright red in front of his brothers.

Eventually he has no choice but to ask Asmo and he is overjoyed. He offers himself as a wingman many times and Satan declines every single one

He doesn't tell you about this willingly, Asmo creates some devious situation where he ends up needing to confess his feelings.

He has never felt so relieved that the time you said you liked him too

He finally shows you some of his poetry (at least the less cringey ones) all of them talking about your outer and inner beauty in a way that almost moves you to tears

Everyone is surprised by how frequently one of the scariest demons out there lets himself get hugged by you at any given time, even if he's busy he always has time for you.

Also cats. Plushies, bags, clothes, anything with a cat on it you gift it to eachother

You eventually gather courage, enter his room and talk to him, thinking that maybe him being so distracted reading would soften the news

But he just nods mindlessly

"Satan? Did you hear me? I'm asexual" You take his book annoyed but the answer leaves you in shock

"Yeah, I know! can I go back to my book now?"

Turns out you were being painfully obvious and Satan is too smart not to notice.

"So... you're okay with it?"

"What in the world made you think I wasn't?"

He closes his book and you two have a long talk about how he accepts you and loves you for who you are over some tea

Mammon

He has always been in love with you as you have with him, what else is there to say?

Mammon melts at the slightest of touches and compassion you show him

He's so happy every time he's with you because you actually treat him like his brothers should

He loves them but they aren't the kindest towards him, so there's nothing better than hearing from you how much he's worth

He repeatedly asks you for money or pulls out some pranks but suddenly stops. How weird? Could it be that he feels bad for making you feel any kind of sad?

You have to stop him from saying he's your first several times, thankfully it eventually works

He tells you how great you are in a way he isn't directly telling you? But you can just know

"Hey, hu-I mean Mc! You're...the less annoying person in this place...Thanks for that" Yes, that was him trying to compliment you

As your bond becomes stronger he starts to loosen up to you. Leaving you gifts or flowers at your door with a smile on his face.

"Lucifer took my dear goldie for a week because of this but ya know... it's worth it."

When you actually accepted to go to the biggest casino in the Devildom he considered it as your first date.

You spend the hole night seeing him win and loose money, even pulling you in to have fun as well

You two take a break exhausted at a fountain. Mammon sees his chance and goes in slowly for a kiss

"Wait, Mammon. If we're actually going to...date, there's something you have to know."

"You're the most outstanding human, what the hell, the most outstanding being in the three worlds I've ever met in my eternity, Mc! What makes you think I'd leave someone as breathtaking as you over wether or not you wanna have sex?!"

"For some people it's a big dealbreaker..."

"Well, not for the Great Mammon! Only an idiot would let you go because of your sexuality. And no matter what they all say, I'm no idiot"

You end the night holding hands and going back to the House of Lamentation, ready to start this beautiful romance.

Lucifer

Ok. First things first. Everyone can agree Lucifer is (or seems) even hornier than Asmo, so this is gonna get...complicated. But we'll get into that

He sure seems the least likely to actually show the vulnerability of being in love, but gosh did you made your way into his heart

It was a long and diffecult journey to get him to like you, but he eventually got a liking to you the more you guys spent time together

You were able to make him loosen up as well.

Dragging him to anywhere you loved instead of being sat down with mountains of paperwork

Always waking him up after he fell asleep in his desk with a blanket, a hot cocoa (Coffee if the work needs to be done by the next day) and even a kiss on the cheek if he's lucky

By the time the whole Belphie situation was defused he was finally able to show his true intentions

He's a fairly elegant person, so when he tries to make an advance, he does it with style

This means all kinds of fancy places once he's off from work with the most romantic of views. Every day you feel like being swept over by a true gentleman

I'm pretty sure he'd have you as his partner by now, maybe he never officially asked but you both imply you're a couple at this point.

But as I said it, he has his whole...punishing thing......

It's exactly because he starts crossing the line with one if these why you just had to stop him and tell the truth

He gets shocked and slowly start fitting the puzzle pieces in place

"Well, this is unexpected. Wait. Have I... made you feel uncomfortable around me all this time?"

Once you nod he falls in his bed ashamed

"My deepest apologies, my love. I truly hope you forgive my reckless words. I must know, are you not feeling safe in this relationship?"

You explain how wrong that asumption is, telling him how every day with him is incredible, but showed your discomfort at some of the things he says

He was relieved he hadn't crossed the line yet and was never going to let himself cross it.

"I am so glad you shared this information with me, I promise to make this relationship the most romantic experience of your life"

He stays up all night researching everything ablout being ace, he gives you gifts related to this, finds out your love language and does what it is every day, he does every romantic thing you can think of and he even asks you to go to a pride in the human world!

He's willing to do all he can in order for you to feel loved in any way you want

Belphegor

Well, he did tried to kill you, so I'm pretty sure his betrayal hurt if you helped him for love

He knows you're at least a little scared of him and he knows he needs to apologize, but never finds the time because you always seem wary of him

He tries by leaving a note in your desk that says "I'm so sorry for what I did. Thank you for bringing our family back together"

This is the first smile he gets out of you as you look at him

This escalates to him passing notes whenever he's not asleep. In class, the table at dinner, outside while hanging out with you and Beel, anywhere. This happens so often you end up always having a pen in hand to answer.

It goes until one of you decides to speak, you start talking and become best friends in no time

Although Belphie seems too possesive for his feelings to be just friendship

Honey, if you thought Levi was bad he's nothing compared to Belphie

He uses every excuse to get you away from anyone that possibly flirts with you. It's either that or his death glare burning them for several minutes until they run or apologize

He always wants to be with you, even if he's sleeping he feels the lack of your prescence

This is why he always tries to convince you to take naps with him, snuggling with you is the best part of his day

If you're more of a night owl he'll do his best to stay awake and look at the stars with you in the planetarium. Sometimes falling asleep in your shoulders "on accident" wink wink

He mumbled about you in his sleep and that's how you found out and ended up dating

The relationship is pretty much the same with more kisses and hand holding, along with him convincing you to skip class sometimes just to sleep

Also plushies, a lot of them, all of them

You decide to tell him one day while snuggling beneath the stars. Being sure enough that he'll understand, although the nerves are still there

"Okay... so?"

You express your worries and he stands up looking almost menacingly but his words killed the scary mood

"Are you dumb? How did you think someone like me would even worry about that?"

"I'm not Asmo, beds are for sleeping. Come on, lets steal that cake Lucifer saved in the fridge, I heard it's sort of an inside joke between us."

After this he keeps asking you about the whole asexual spectrum, thinking he might be part of it. He's shows true interest at every question you answer and tries to use this new information for future dates.

All and all it's very relaxing to date someone like him, who surprisingly has a very loving and understanding heart behind what people are used to see.

#asexual #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me belphegor #asexual mc #obey me #international asexuality day #obey me shall we date #obey me asmodeus #ace pride #ace

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sailormoonandme · 4 years ago

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Why I think Sailor Moon lends itself so well to fanfiction

It’s no secret that there is a very active Sailor Moon fanficiton community.*

Whilst every fandom has its fanfic authors in my experience Sailor Moon fanfiction proportionally forms a far larger part of the fandom than in many other fandoms, the only exception I’ve encountered would be say Harry Potter. I do not for example find as many people posting or discussing fanfiction within Power Rangers, Lord of the Rings, Marvel, DC or Doctor Who circles.

Oh, there are plenty of people who talk about ideas and concepts they have. But there seem to be far fewer actually making stories themselves, or at least willing to post/share them, nor even discuss making them.

Why is this?

Well, I’m sure there is a discussion to be had regarding fanfiction, female authors, female audiences and obviously that’d tie into how Sailor Moon is primarily aimed at (and enjoyed by) a female audience.

But I’ve not really researched that so I don’t feel confident enough to dive into it.

To me though, when we break down the nature of Sailor Moon’s story, I very much feel it practically encourages fanfiction and taps very directly into the sort of things fanfiction writers and readers seem to like.

One stereotype of fanfiction that, in my observations, is absolutely true is that there is A LOT of romantic and/or sexual content. In fact it’s an open secret that professional erotic fiction pales in comparison to the breadth, quantity and quality of fanfiction ‘smut’.**

One might argue ANY story that features romance in it is therefore ‘encouraging’ such fanfiction. But the situation with Sailor Moon is a little different as romance is utterly baked into its foundation. The first story arc, initially intended as the entire story, revolves around Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask’s relationship. Between the manga and the anime the love life’s of almost every single major character is touched upon one way or the other. Minako’s affections for Allan. Rei’s disdain for men in the manga and romances with Mamoru and Yuichiro in the anime. Makoto’s sempai and her tragic string of men even vaguely similar to him. Ami and Ryo’s relationship in season 1 and her shyness about anything romantic thereafter. Even side characters like Reika, Motoki, Unazuki, Umino, Naru, Nephrite, Zoisite and Kunzite make their love lives at least discussed.

Then of course you have Haruka and Michiru, who’s relationship also clearly hints that they’ve become physically intimate.

Often with more sexually explicit fanfiction the authors are diving into parts of the characters’ lives rarely even discussed (if at all) in the original canon. Whilst Sailor Moon’s focus upon romance made sex a logical leap, the show plays a Hell of a lot with innuendo, symbolism and subtle hints to the point where it was giving fic authors plenty of ‘ammo’ to work with already.

This of course extends into the realm of queer pairings. Another stereotype of fanfiction (and again, I’ve not really researched this so I dunno how true it is) is that they engage in romantic or sexual stories where the characters have a different sexualities from their (apparent) canon ones. Perhaps the most famous (infamous?) example is Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Between Haruka and Michiru, Mamoru and Fiore, Zoisite and Kunzite and implications a plenty in the manga and anime (especially under Ikuhara’s rule) writing the characters as interested in people other than the opposite sex was a relatively easy and believable leap, hardly even breaking the verisimilitude of the canon.

Speaking of verisimilitude, Sailor Moon…didn’t make sense. I love it and adore it but we all know this is true. Even beyond the mindblowing miraculous magic it employed there was more than several instances where characters did not behave realistically or even consistently. Contradictions in the anime especially were rife.

Regardless of what that does or doesn’t say about the canon, for the purposes of fanfiction, this is something of a boon. It enables all sorts of wacky riffs and directions that aren’t going to create too large of a cognitive dissonance for the writer nor the reader.

Want to write a story that wouldn’t be realistic? So what? This was the story where the world almost ends but society is never fundamentally changed.

Want to write a story with elements that’d be anachronistic So what? Our heroes were named after planets that didn’t get those names until thousands of years later.

Want to do a story that unfortunately would contradict a canon fact or canon characterization?...Have you watched SuperS…?

The flipside to the messier parts of the canon is that it equally encouraged some authors to engage in fix fics, to address what they felt were problems with the characters and narratives.***

It’s very much a getting your cake and getting to eat it too situation!

Additionally, the ‘monster of the week’ format for the show enables all sorts of wacky riffs and spins to be imposed on the characters and narrative since these monsters each had their own gimmicks. Body swap characters? Make them shrink? Make them evil? Alternate Universe? Space travel?

Ostensibly anything and everything is on the table for fic authors to work with, just as it was for the official creators of Sailor Moon.

Alongside the ‘monster of the week’ format, the innate concept for Sailor Moon encourages the creation of original characters. There is no end of stories about ‘Sailor Sun’ and ‘Sailor Earth’ of course. But since any planetoid, celestial body or what have you in theory could have a Guardian authors could go nuts, drawing upon real list astrology or simply invent their own planets for whatever story they are doing. So the story is ripe for world building and expansion!

However, things need not go to that scale. Sailor Moon, especially the anime, revolves around the everyday lives of teenaged characters. Their ages means authors have the opportunity to write the characters growing up or having grown up and take them in any direction they like and again not create too much of a cognitive dissonance with the canon. And they can do that by drawing upon their own life experiences fairly easily without having to consider what the first day of college might’ve been like for someone on Middle Earth or whatever.

Furthermore, because romance was baked into the story, there was a greater focus in the stories upon the characters internal thoughts and feelings. This wasn’t strictly about their romantic feelings, but my point is a good 2/3 of your average Sailor Moon episode will be taken up with slice of life stuff before the Senshi go into action.

Why is this relevant? Because that kind of internal exploration lends itself far better to the prose format than action set pieces, especially action set pieces trying to emulate those of a visual format like a manga or an anime.

All the above actively encourages the creation of fanfics but there is aso something deeper going on.

After all, plenty of movies leave room for characters to be expanded. Plenty of manga offer opportunities for world building. Plenty of TV shows make the creation of original characters a synch. Plenty of comic books have contradictory continuity that warrants patching up. And romantic elements are present in the overwhelming majority of fiction, even fiction that isn’t predominantly about that.

What makes Sailor Moon a particular strong candidate for fanfiction though is that it has all those things whilst also having strong concepts, endearing characters and a rich mythology to hook people in the first place.

In other words, the fact that Sailor Moon was good made people love it. And that love I think is the essence of why they wanted to read and produce more of it.

*For the purposes of this post you should understand that by ‘fanfiction’ I’m specifically referring to prose fanfiction, i.e. the stuff you’d find on FFN and predmonantly on Ao3. Obviously audio plays, comics, art, cosplay performances can all fall under the label of fanfiction to one extent or another. And in some cases these are far more prevalent than prose fanfiction.

E.g. there is plenty of fan art in the Marvel fandom and there is a frightening amount of audio based Dr. Who fanfiction.

**Even I know that and I do not typically care for that type of stuff myself.

***Or expand upon characters they felt there was more to do with. I know many people who feel that way about the manga versions of the villains and the Senshi (sans Usagi), the anime version of Mamoru and the supporting cast like Usagi parents.

#My Essays #Sailor Moon #fanfiction #fan fiction #bishoujo senshi sailor moon #bishojo senshi sailor moon #pretty guardian sailor moon #pretty soldier sailor moon #ao3 #fanfiction.net #Doctor Who #Harry Potter #Lord of the Rings #Marvel #Marvel Comics #DC #DC Comics

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melodiesofblueroses · 5 years ago

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𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺

→ 𝘔𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

୨୧ 𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: Mammon would do anything (MC) asks of him, even when it ends up with the two of them as in cosplay while his brothers poke fun at them.

୨୧ 𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: Fluff

୨୧ 𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 2.4k

୨୧ 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘶𝘱: f!reader

“Come on, don’t be so stubborn! Just try it on.” (MC) sighed a bit, clutching the homemade costume that she made specifically for Mammon. It took a few weeks for her to perfect it, often having Mammon come over to her room as she took measurements to tailor the suit to fit his physique. But, now that it was finished, Mammon didn’t want it. And after she worked so hard on it! The audacity of this demon she had fallen for! “Mammon, you have to wear it. It’s the counterpart to my cosplay.”

“Yeah, but I’ll look so dorky. Besides, I’m not even into that anime stuff like Levi.” As much as Mammon refused her gift, she could see the tints of red on the tips of his ears and how his face turned a light shade of pink. Maybe he was trying to keep up his tough-guy act and just need a bit more push. (MC) puffed out her cheeks.

“But I made this suit specifically for you. Also, you’re a model! You’ll look good in anything.” (MC) smirked quite victoriously when she saw the second eldest begin to stutter and flail around. Ok, her advances were working. I just need a bit more, and he’ll comply.

“O-Of course the Great Mammon looks good in anything. Ya don’t need ta make me wear a suit ta prove it. But I can’t believe ya made somethin’ only for me.” The last bit was muttered underneath his breath, trying to make sure (MC) wouldn’t hear it but to no avail. Nothing could escape her prying ears. She saw a bit of hesitance, knowing that he appreciated the fact that she made him something. A handmade gift was exactly the thing that would make Mammon instantly melt and go soft. I mean, it showed that someone truly did appreciate him. Plus, (MC) was the one that made it for him. Him!! She could’ve chosen any other brother, but she specifically decided on him. It made Mammon’s heart skip a beat, and a soft smile graced his lips.

“Mammon, please.” It was time to pull out the puppy dog eyes, the ultimate weapon against him. Having to live with Mammon for months, (MC) practically knew every one of his weaknesses. She knew that Mammon craved her attention. He was greedy for it, more so than money it seemed at times, and (MC) would happily give it to him. She knew how harsh his brothers could be on him, and (MC) wanted to make sure that Mammon felt loved. However, this also could be used to her advantage. Since Mammon was greedy for her attention, he also got a bit jealous if she acted the same towards anyone else. So if (MC) begged him enough, Mammon would eventually give in. It was the perfect plan, although it made her feel a bit guilty that she was playing with his feelings. “Everyone will think that we’re a couple, and we’ll have so much fun! But if you really don’t want to, I can just ask Levi.” She pushed out her outer lip to form a pout and played a bit with her hands. It gave a cutesy act, one that reminded her of those shy anime girls that were nervous to confess to their crush. But she also knew that Mammon was weak for anything that made her seem cute, so it was a win in her book.

His ears immediately perked up, and Mammon’s face was practically red by this time. Ah, she did look utterly adorable when she was pouting like that, especially in her cosplay. (MC) smirked underneath her breath, going unnoticed by Mammon. She had scored the goal. He was for sure to accept it now.

“S-Since you’re practically begging me, sure. I am the Great Mammon after all, and it is my job to look after ya.” He coughed and covered his mouth with his hand, averting his eyes in an attempt to hide the furious blush that would not go away anytime soon. Mammon had desperately wanted to confess to (MC) but backed away each time he tried. Now here lay a chance for him to look like he was in a relationship with (MC), right in front of his eyes pleading for him to take the opportunity. Of course he would say yes! Anything to get closer with (MC). Maybe they could even hold hands, and if he was lucky, he could kiss her cheek. Ah, just the thought of doing couple things with (MC) made him go so soft.

“Great! Here, change into this, and I’ll go grab the accessories.” (MC) was practically jumping up and down, unable to withhold her excitement. She had planned this for weeks, and her fantasy was finally going to become a reality. Rather than doing it for fun, it would be the perfect chance to indirectly tell Mammon that she liked him and hoped for a more intimate relationship.

“What are the two of you wearing?” Satan was the first one to come across their couple cosplay as he sat in the living room, deep into a mystery novel that had caught his attention a few days prior. Normally, he would’ve ignored their presence, but it was rather difficult to do that when (MC) and Mammon were dressed rather flashy.

“It’s a cosplay,” (MC) explained, intertwining her fingers with Mammon who blushed and looked away.

“And what exactly are you dressed up as?” Although he didn’t want to admit it, Satan appreciated the immaculate detail (MC) had put into the designs. He could see the amount of time and effort she had poured into the costumes and loved how they turned out. They were rather cute, although he wasn’t into fashion, unlike Asmodeus.

“Can’t you tell? It’s a rather popular franchise you know. I’m sure Levi probably discussed it some time. Anyway, this was one of my favorite childhood shows and-” Mammon remained quiet, letting (MC) do all the talking. It’s not like he knew anything about the show either, but if (MC) wanted to dress up with him, then so be it. He’ll endure all the comments and teases from his brothers if it meant that (MC) would be happy. Hell, he would even climb to the top of the Devildom and back if it meant he could see (MC) smile at him. He truly was a lovestruck fool for (MC).

(MC) wore a typical sailor outfit that seems to be a popular high school fit for anime girls, with the addition of a red ribbon both on the chest area and the lower back of the outfit. Her blue skirt, with all the detailed ruffles that she herself made, was a tad bit too short, and if she wasn’t careful, she could accidentally flash the brothers. It was a careless error she had made when measuring the cloth, but it was too late to turn back. Sporting the sailor fit, she wore knee-high boots and put her hair up in two side ponytails, the tips being rolled up into buns. Her gold earrings were in the shape of crescents, and various moon accents were scattered throughout.

Mammon, on the other hand, wore a simple black tuxedo with black pants and a cape to go along with it. He wasn’t particularly fond of the top hat or white mask, but (MC) insisted that it was needed to look the part, along with a red rose that he held in his free hand.

“You see, we’re dressed up as-”

“Sailor Moon,” Leviathan cut in, finishing her sentence. He was the second brother to view the two and took a quick picture to post on Devilgram with some silly caption to poke fun at the both of them. He had walked in midway into her explanation, with headphones on and eyes widening ever so slightly when he saw their cosplay. (MC) stuck her tongue out at Leviathan, a bit mad at him for stealing her thunder. “And Mammon is Tuxedo Mask.” He snickered a bit and went back to playing some game on his phone. “I can’t believe you made Mammon cosplay.” It was a rather snide comment, perhaps poking fun at the avatar of greed for looking so unsightly. The second eldest turned his head, instead trying to divert his attention to any little thing in the living room. He felt so embarrassed right now.

“Come on, it’s his first time cosplaying. Give him a break. Besides, I coerced him using our pact, so it’s not like he had a say in the matter,” (MC) chimed in, protecting Mammon from any comments he may receive. He, on the other hand, felt his heart skip a beat. Ah, this was one of the reasons he fell for her. She never once let his brothers get away with a snide comment as long as she was around. It felt good being protected and cared for, but Mammon would never admit that to anyone.

“Yeah, yeah.” Leviathan waved her off, opting instead to focus on the game in hand. “I’m so sending this on the group chat though.”

“Alright, well record this as well.” (MC) cleared her throat, then threw a pose. “In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you.” She giggled afterwards, and Mammon stared at her in amazement. She was playing with his brothers, taking any comment and joking around with them further, as if she was truly unfazed and unbothered by any of their remarks. He loved that unwavering confidence that she had. It just made her all the more attractive.

Asmodeus was the next one to walk in, complimenting (MC)’s craftsmanship as she had asked him for some tips beforehand. “Your accessories pair well with your outfit, although it might be a bit too flashy. You seem so adorable though.” He showered her with compliments, being the natural flirt that he was, but completely ignored Mammon in the process.

“Hey! Don’t flirt with (MC),” Mammon said a bit too tensely, pulling (MC) closer to him followed by a soft growl. It was the first time he had spoken since (MC) dragged him to the living room to show off to the brothers. Mammon was simply too embarrassed beforehand, but if anyone so much so makes a move towards (MC), then, by all means, he would be ready to attack. He was her first after all, but most importantly, she was the only one that showered him with love and affection, for the most part. If anyone became rather close with her, then his only means of positive affection would be gone, and Mammon would be left with nothing but insults. He couldn’t have that. No, he was greedy for her love. Money was no longer enough to satisfy his cravings.

One by one, the remaining brothers filtered into the room, possibly due to the picture Levi took and sent to the family chat. Reluctantly, Mammon followed in (MC)’s steps and played out some scenes to entertain the fact that they were, indeed, dressed up as a couple. He wasn’t exactly the best, however, always stuttering and messing up some lines. His face was all red, and he could hear a few comments on that as well. But he had to keep going, to take in all these remarks, all for (MC). He also couldn’t stand to eye (MC). She just looked too cute in that outfit of hers, especially with that hairstyle. Oh how badly he wanted to hold her cheeks and slowly kiss her underneath the stars.

As for the reactions of the other brothers, they were more or less similar to the others. Lucifer just looked down at them in disappointment. Had he really chosen a human that was similar to his beloved brother? He also seemed to find it a bit, well, cringy, but more or less admired the effort. He also could tell that Mammon seemed to enjoy himself, even if it was a little. He was happy to see that Mammon had found someone who loved and supported him, even if it meant forcing Mammon into endeavors he wasn’t too fond of. Belphegor’s face seemed to say “you woke me up for this?” and immediately went back to napping whereas Beelzebub didn’t seem to care all that much.

Everyone eventually dispersed and went their own separate ways with (MC) and Mammon walking hand-in-hand back to her room on the first floor. (MC) seemed rather ecstatic as there was a slight skip to her step. Mammon remained quiet, instead focusing on how adorable (MC) looked when she was happy and trying to enjoy the moment before the two of them would part ways for the night. Oh what he wouldn’t give to have this moment last forever. That didn’t last long, however, as they soon arrived at (MC)’s door.

“Mammon, thank you for doing this for me.” She turned to look at him, a tiny sparkle in her eyes. “I know that it’s a bit tough with your brothers and all, but I sincerely appreciate the fact that you’d do this when I asked you too, even if I practically begged you at the beginning.”

“O-Of course. Who wouldn’t wanna spend time with me? I just did ya a big favor, so be grateful.” She giggled at his typical tsundere response and quickly kissed him on the cheek, which shut him up for good.

“Ok, well, goodnight my dear prince,” she teased, walking into her room. “Oh, and you can keep the costume.” The last thing he saw before she closed her bedroom door was (MC)’s precious smile, the one that made his heart beat faster each time he saw it.

Mammon’s brain was currently malfunctioning, trying to process what just happened as he stood still outside her bedroom door. Did she just call him her sweet prince? And did they just hold hands like a couple the whole time? Ah, Mammon was losing his mind over the fact that he had been so intimate with his crush today. If only he could build up confidence and make things official. But for now, this would suffice.

Unconsciously, he brought a hand to his cheek, touching the area that (MC) had kissed. He blushed as he recounted the memory, stupidly smiling to himself in the process. Quietly, he muttered something under his breath, making sure no prying ears were in reach to hear him. “Tch, that’s my human.”

#obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me #swd mammon #mammon x mc #romance #short story #this was supposed to be a short drabble but i got carried away #my friend suggested the idea to me and i loved it #this is lowkey crack and i hate it sm whyd i post it

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potato4321 · 4 years ago

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guess what guess what guess what

future me (which is current me as you're seeing this) is asleep while I'm posting this (I'm queing it for like. 4:20 AM a year from now bc I have a sense of humor)

hi hello babes it's me, past them/her/him!!!!! this is written on December 18, 2019, a Wednesday (do I still go Wed-nes-day when I type this?? who knows!!!!! XD) it's exactly 2:46 PM right now—yes I'm typing this during class but shush X3

I wanna wish future me a happy year, considering it'll be a year from my now when it's your now!!!!!

right now, I'm super excited to see my cousins after Christmas—your version of me is probably really really excited too!!!!!

just in case you (future me + other people reading this) haven't done it yet: drink some water, eat some food, take your meds, and get enough sleep tonight!!!!!

anyway—how's Ethereal: Wolf's Fire going????? if you haven't continued it in a few months, imma be mad at you bc I LOVE MY CHILDREN

do you still watch Monster Factory????? talk to Madame?????? Bagel??????? M&M????????????? Swift + FlightClan + Dark???????????????????????? what music are you into now??? I gurantee there's gotta be a lot of good music that I've found in the future

oh! and what are some of your interests?????

I'm currently into Sanders Sides, Steven Universe (haven't seen SU Future yet—hope it's good!!!!!), DuckTales, witchcraft, therianthropy, music, art, drawing, writing, cosplaying, kinda into Cartoon Therapy, and also some McElroy fam content, thanks to Mads!!!!!

my current mental state is.. a lot

I'm still dealing with a small amount of anxiety, and a little bit of OCD here and there, and I'm still healing from past events and unlearning harmful habits

but I'm in a better place than I've ever been before, even if it's recently been a little harder on me!!!!!

OH, AND WHAT'S THE NEW DOG LIKE?!?!?!?!?! MOMMA HASN'T GOTTEN ONE YET AND I AM DYING TO KNOW WHAT THE DOG IS LIKE

POST A PICTUREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

adorable future dogs aside, I'd like to see what has changed since past me (which is current me for me but past me for you!!!) wrote/is writing this—yeah that sounded a little choppy but that's okay!!!!!

how old are you? I mean I know you'll be 16 but just for any new followers' sakes—

I'm 15 right now!!! gosh that feels weird to say even tho that was,, like,,, months ago back in October!!!

what is your gender?

what are the pronouns you use, and what ones are you using right now???

what is your sexuality?

what is your romantic orientation?

do you have offline friends????

how are your online friends?????

any struggles with mental health you're comfortable sharing??

I'm currently going as genderfluid!!!

the pronouns I use are, most common to least, she/they/he, and my current ones are they/them/their!!!!!

my sexuality is asexual!!!!!

my romantic orientation is being questioned at the moment—but I know I like girls and am not so sure if I like boys, but I do think I might like my non-binary peeps!!!!!

not currently!!! I haven't met up with that one friend I'll call Wolfie for obvious reasons (from the old pack????? remember her??????) in quite a few months and we haven't talked very much recently so I'd say our friendship is online :p I really wish I had an offline friend group tho, that'd be totally rad!!!!!

they're doing pretty good overall, I think!!!!!!!!! M&M, my child, recently got a snake called Spinel and she's sooooooooooo cuteee!!!!!!!!!!!

and honestly yeah, I still struggle with that stuff!!! but I'm learning how to heal myself :3 as I said before, OCD rears its ugly head sometimes, and so does anxiety, but a little moreso

but as for depression, I haven't felt it in—gosh, a full year now????? that's honestly amazing to me💕

I'm pretty confident right now, just not in normal social situations (somehow I can go get Starbucks at my local Target while cosplaying as Deceit Sanders (WHAT'S HIS NAME BTW OH MY GOSH?!!?!?!?!!!!!???) also I just broke my glasses rip I had to glue them back together X3)

aaaaand I think that's as good as a sum up of me as I'm ever gonna get?????

OH, AND WHAT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS????? are u still with Acorn????? is there anyone new (since I'm probably still identifying as polyamorous)?????????

how long are your nails?! mine are pretty long rn—not nearly as long as Dark's, though XDDD

and what colors have your hair been?????

currently, I'm fading outta purple—and I kinda wanna be pink next!!!!!

AND WHAT DO YOUR GLASSES LOOK LIKE???????

ANY NEW STORIES??!!!!?!?!?!!?????

AND DID MADAME EVER WRITE OR MAKE A COMIC OR ANYTHING OUT OF UNFAMILIAR FAMILIARS???????? I NEED TO KKNNOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW

ARE BEES STILL IN MINECRAFT??!!?!?!?!

WHO'S PRESIDENT?????

HOW IS TRUFFLE, MY BABY?????

and did you ever start using babe as regularly in your daily life?????

AND WHAT ARE YOUR FRIENDS LIKE?!

oH AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME??!?!!?!?!?!?!??! IS IT STILL REMY????? I HOPE IT IS IT'S LOVELYYYYY

okay, well, I think that's enough for one Letter To Future Remy!!!!! I hope you all have an amazing day/night!!!!!!!! love u, babes!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3

#remy in the future babes

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dangan-meme-palace · 7 years ago

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Yandere DRV3 Girls

I shoulda posted this like a month ago I’m so sorry

Boys can be found right here

(Trigger warnings for the following: Kidnapping, Stalking, Non-con elements/mentions, Non-con drug use, Implied Torture, Physical/Emotional Abuse, Manipulation, Gas Lighting, and Implied Murder)

Kirumi Tojo

I love her don't make me do this

Fell for you when you made an effort to lighten her load

Definitely one of the more controlling yanderes

You thought you'd have someone you could order around? Foolish.

She wants what's best for you and so she just kinda takes care of everything for you

Which sounds great!

Until you realise she thinks she knows you better than you do

Which isn’t even wrong because she has stalked you intensely

Stalking aside she's gonna try and make your life better whether you like or not

This includes forcing you to eat healthier, exercise, etc. etc.

Probably uses the Mom Voice™

She won't take no for an answer

Tsumugi Shirogane

Oh boy. Look away children.

Okay so there's 2 ways she’ll become obsessed with you

1: You are really optimistic and hopeful

2: You are emotionally susceptible to abuse

Yeah this is gonna get really fucked up really quick

Sorry Tsumugi fans

If Option #1 is true for you get ready to be kidnapped

She's Despair so she's obviously gonna wanna kill your hope with no remorse

Just saying, killing your hope might include making you put on humiliating cosplays and posting pictures online of you in them

She also might use those pictures as blackmail

Depends on her mood tbh

If Option #2 sounds more like you then prepare for the stereotypical controlling yandere

She'll slowly get more and more controlling with you until you start to think there's no way out

Which is true

There is no way out

She won't let you leave

But… do you really want to leave her?

She's all you have now.

She keeps you as a pet :’)

Tenko Chabashira

Fell for you when you showed fierce enthusiasm for something you love

She finds it cute as hell and she can't help but fall for you

She's more of an obsessive than an aggressive yandere surprisingly

How could she hurt her one true love?!?!?

Gushes about you to all her friends

Takes pictures of you doing cute things like sleeping, showering, and eating

IT'S NOT CREEPY IT'S CUTE!!!!

Will defend your honor without any hesitation

If anyone even makes it seem like they don't want you around or don't appreciate you enough she is going off

She'll talk about every little thing that you do in a reverent tone of voice

It's like she worships you or something

Halfway through her 50th “I love them how dare you!” speech you notice something

She's talking about stuff you've never done around her, stuff you do alone

How would she know about any of that??

If you leave it alone you'll be fine but if you don't….

She won't hurt you but you're definitely not going outside anytime soon :)

Which is fine by her!

More time to spend with you! As an added bonus you're living with her now!

However, all good things must come to an end

A certain detective was determined to solve your case

And his leads all pointed to her

*thinking emoji*

She knew he was onto her

So she just… solved the problem

Permanently.

Rip Shuichi

Himiko Yumeno

She's like 8 you lolicons

Would totally lure you in with her magical loli powers

A well placed “Nyehhhh I can't reach this, can you grab it for me?” and a tired yawn here and there

Yeah, she's got manipulation down to a science

Anything to spend time with you

But it's not enough

She can't get enough of you

She wants more

So whenever you leave her she'll follow you in secret

She hates that you have to leave in the first place

So, she uh,

Casts a spell on your lunch

Translation: she crushed up some sleeping pills and mixed the powder into your food

Luckily, she didn't give you too much

Unluckily, you're living with her now

And you're not leaving

It's all thanks to ~Maaaaaaggggiiiicc~

Angie Yonaga

“Oh my god, it's god?!?”

Nah, but she thinks Atua sent you to her as a gift

She saw you and it was like the stars fell from the heavens and became you

At least in her eyes

Immediately tries to get to know you and talk to you

She also makes a wax statue of you to put in her room

Might make a body pillow of you ngl

Talks as if you're already together

It honestly surprises everyone when you say you're not

She's super confused

How could you not be hers?? Atua sent you to her?? You're hers??

Decides that you just don't know that you were sent to her

Silly s/o~

Definitely a kidnapper

She'll frequently ask you questions and if you answer wrong she disciplines (read: tortures) you

Conditions you to love her

God dammit Angie why must you be so fucked up

Kaede Akamatsu

Don't make me do this to her please..

Sigh

She most likely fell for you when she realized how passionate you were

Especially if it's anything to do with music

Partial to singing but it doesn't really matter as long as you put your feelings into it

She falls ass over elbows for you when she accidentally heard you practicing

She's so shy around you it's kind of painful to watch

She's normally so confident but as soon as you're around she's quiet and flustered

The thing is she doesn't really mind that feeling

In fact she wants to feel it more

So she starts hanging around you more and more and spending all of her free time with you and just staying close to you in general

Absolutely idolizes you

Thinks everything you do is cute and adorable and oh god she loves you so much

She starts getting nasty with everyone else though; she kinda acts like her pregame self

Why would she want to spend time with them when she could spend time with someone as amazing as you??

Everything seems more irritating and boring without you around

She comes to a sudden realization one night when she was thinking about her feelings

She wants a songbird

You can't let birds out of their cages or they'll fly away from you forever

She won't lose you.

She can't.

So she steals you away in the middle of the night

She treats you like a princess as soon as you wake up

Might ask you to sing for her from time to time but won't push you

She understands that you're going to have to adjust to being her songbird

That's fine!

Or so she thought

But she's just so sick of seeing you inch away from her in fear

She's Kaedone with your shit

How dare you be so ungrateful!!

She gives you everything and you still treat her like a criminal!!

There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep you!!

Demands affection from you

Not afraid to punish you

She hates it though

She just wants you to love her so why do you keep making her hurt you?!

She doesn't want to!! She promises!!

So please!! Just love her already!!

She hates how you fake your smiles

She hates how you flinch before you wrap your arms around her

She hates that you don't love her

But she hates the thought of you leaving so much more

So every day

She keeps trying to get you to love her

And every day

You don't

:’)

Maki Harukawa

She might be a little too good at this yandere thing….

So, she's The Ultimate Assassin, meaning she kills people all stealthy-like

So I'd say she's pretty good at stalking her prey

Not to say that you're her prey but… that's exactly what I'm saying

You can't go anywhere without feeling eyes on you

She's way too nervous to talk to you

So she tries to make up for it with kind gestures

Like stabbing people who walk too slow in the halls

They're all scum anyways

No one could ever be as kind and caring as you

So who cares if they die

They're nothing compared to you

Have you seen her in-game?? literally she's borderline yandere already

She’s super suspicious of you leaving her though

She knows that her job isn’t the most well-liked career and is terrified that you’ll find out and never want to go near her

And that just isn’t allowed

So she keeps it a secret for as long as she can

Until you eventually find out where exactly all of your friends have gone

If you’re okay with it (read: too terrified to move) you’ll most likely live through that encounter

If not… well...

She always thought you were cuter than any doll anyways <3

She even picks out a cute outfit for your corpse :’D

Miu Iruma

I live for this bitch

She's another yandere too shy to talk to you

She tries! She really does! Its It's just you make her so nervous

Y’all know how she gives Shuichi food with her hair in it? Imagine that x100

A good yandere to compare her to is actually Anna from Shimoneta

Just watch this tbh

https://youtu.be/nM6fcg6VunM

She, like Anna, has made food with little bits of her in it

Gross.

Just buy some damn chocolates you absolute madwoman

She also tries to impress you with things she invents

You’re her latest muse so it’s only fair that you get to try out her inventions firsthand

If you don’t want them she is crushed

She tries so hard, the poor thing

I imagine that if she went off the deep end it would go one of two ways

She either A: Becomes obsessed with trying to impress you. Losing sleep just so she could try and make the best possible present. This leads to her stalking you on and offline because she needs to find out your likes and dislikes. It’s normal to try and find out what someone would like as a present right? So it’s no big deal. She would also bug your house and clothes just to listen to you.

Or B: Straight up kidnaps you and locks you in her lab. Now you have no choice but to try out her inventions. Don’t worry though! She only picks out the best ones for you! She eventually is able to trick herself into thinking that you enjoy all of this and were just playing really hard to get. It’s like she can’t even hear you anymore...

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stonecoldbex · 6 years ago

Text

inspired by the nonexistent selfie that becky and alexa took last weekend.

ao3 link.

Ace Comic Con.

Glendale, Arizona

On A Friday Morning.

Bleak and grey today, Alexa thought as she finished her interview with Lillian. All she needed was a nice cup of tea and she could finally breathe.

But she knew it wouldn’t be that simple. A certain someone was here, and any minute she’d come around the corner and come face to face with her.

Which, granted, wouldn’t be the worse thing to happen in the world.

But woman had a mean scowl and Alexa had been secretly dying to meet her. She knew she had to be careful considering their past history, too.

This was quite the phenomenon. Alexa Bliss, nervous? Nah.

But even she had to admit to some sort of anxiety now as she tapped her foot restlessly against the black concrete.

It had been a slow day and it would be infinitely slower yet.

But when The Man finally comes around, Bliss would get a chance to meet her once more. Perhaps even get a chance to talk with her former rival once again.

But, even she had to give pause. Why was Alexa so intent on meeting Becky again? Even Alexa had to beg the question herself.

Perhaps, she thought, she was bored. What with everything that’s been happening with her since her back-to-back injuries, as well her very slow return to the ring. And not to mention, she was craving to stir up some trouble. Just for the hell of it.

She hadn’t even had a chance to do any of that lately with her new show, either.

Her show, ironically enough, was called A Moment of Bliss, but she had felt anything but bliss when interviewing her fellow superstars lately.

Granted, unveiling the new tag team belts for the women was noteworthy in itself—even having Ronda Lousy on her show was okay, too. But Sasha Banks making a statement against Nia last week made Alexa miss all of the fun that came with causing mischief.

Perhaps the time away from the ring had done her well. Here she was, appeasing her legion of followers, being chipper and even carefree about her situation, but that restless feeling was still ever so present. And she had doubts that meeting her crowd of obsessive fans would cut it for her. They were, after all, just peasants to the Goddess.

But when she had heard that Becky Lynch, fellow wrestler and once-upon-a-time-ago rival was visiting for this weekend instead of Charlotte, her ears naturally perked up.

“Well this could be interesting,” she muttered offhandedly, just prior to the convention. They were still teetering on the brink of war the last time they had met, but that had been a few months ago, when Becky was still on the top of the mountain with her Smackdown Women’s Championship. She wouldn’t take kindly to Alexa showing up in her vicinity too well given what happened in their feud two years ago.

But still, the Goddess was prepared for anything. Perhaps she could woo her in her favor, even.

So Alexa kept her eyes peeled since arriving in Glendale, just out of curiosity for her old rival. And there was nothing more to it.

Alexa had settled with that.

All morning she had been talking, and waving, and smirking at people she didn’t know. Nodding every once in a while at Lillian Garcia’s interview questions, giving good answers when she needed to—hell, even feeling a sense of anticipation when she talked about returning to the ring—but these were all just robotic answers. Typical Alexa putting on a face when she had to.

Except when everything was finished and all the questions were asked and answered, and she finally got around behind the curtain, did her gaze meet another, more familiar one. She nodded at her.

“Becky.”

“Lexi.”

And then she was gone.

Alexa shrugged.

Well, that wasn’t so bad.

Later in the day however proved much more eventful.

Alexa had just been walking down the hall ready to leave this godforsaken building when she spotted her old rival walking along the same way.

Both of them paused.

Alexa was the first to strike.

“Hey loser, where’s your belt?”

“Misplaced at the moment,” Becky said, without missing a beat. “Nothing to worry about. Where’s your cosplay? I thought you were supposed to be a waterboy.”

“Cute. Maybe you should stuff it because who knows, Bex? I might be coming back sooner than you think.”

“If you’re talking about the Royal Rumble then congrats. I look forward to seeing your elimination. I can’t wait to see that disgusting smile get wiped off your face when you go over the top rope.”

“And I can’t wait to see you lose that colossally stupid energy you have going on when Asuka beats it right out of you, lucky charms.”

The hallway was quiet, save for Becky’s obnoxious gum chewing. But neither had flinched from their seething stare down. In fact, it had been for the best considering they had been mere inches from each other’s faces (and throats, at that). Any sudden movements and it would have ensured another brawl for the ages.

But then, Becky gave her a vague smile, and it was the same one that she knew would drive the Goddess up the wall. Alexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Lucky charms,” Becky said, shaking her head. “Geez, you really don’t quit going after my Irish heritage there, do ya Lexi?”

“You make it so easy for me when you’re strutting around like you’re Conor freakin’ McGregor and say things like ‘discoostin’ all the time. It’s cute, really.”

“Sorry, did I just hear you call me cute? And twice at that? You’ve gotten so soft for me, Lexi.”

“Perhaps you’re growing on me, Bex. Or should I say The Man.”

“Nice to see a fan,” she said. “And from a fellow wrestler at that. Everyone else is too busy trying to shut down The Man by calling themselves The Woman.”

“How original. And idiotic.”

She smirked. “You read my mind.”

Alexa wasn’t sure when they had started walking, but she figured that out when they had moved to the parking lot, talking about dealing mischief to those in their way. Discussing strategies on how to decimate people left and right. It was exciting to finally hear Becky see things her way now, with a ruthlessness that nearly matched her own. It was strange considering it was a different side to her that reminded her of good ol’ Bex—except without the steam billowing behind her like she was still an underdog. It was even weirder considering Alexa had held nothing but disdain for her for the longest time.

But now things had been different. It was disdain, but a little bit of admiration intermingled with it, as well.

And perhaps a bit of attraction, to be quite honest. But she knew she wasn’t alone in that sentiment.

It was strange. But perhaps Alexa had seen stranger things happen.

Becky had noticed this too.

“So I imagine in weeks’ time I’ll be seeing you back with that title around your waist,” Alexa said.

“Coming from you, it sounds a bit like a vote of confidence. Or am I mistaken?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just prefer to see it on you.”

“You’d be wise to keep that to yourself, darling. Don’t wanna be caught dead vouching for an old enemy of yours.”

“I trust you’ll keep a secret. Or am I mistaken?”

Becky smirked, and Alexa mirrored her smug expression.

But The Man wasn’t stupid.

“Charmingly devious as always, aren’t you? ”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alexa scoffed. And a part of that was been true to an extent. Alexa had been minding her own business all day, paying no attention to anything in particular, and simply being Alexa.

But as she had been doing for the past several months, she had been too restless for too long to simply sit around and just let things slip through her fingers.

One of those things was Becky Lynch.

And she saw right through her.

“You’re a terrible liar, Lexi,” Becky said, leaning in close, paying no attention to personal boundaries.

Alexa glowered at this, because even if she was letting her guard down just a little for The Man—to wrap her up and fold her into her tiny little game she’d like to call her heart-shaped box—she wasn’t going to tolerate any more belittlement from her old rival and counterpart.

“Could have been worse,” she said, “I could have been asking for a selfie with you and posting it on Instagram.”

Becky chuckled devilishly. “I suppose. Although to be honest, that would have been much more tolerable.”

Alexa laughed out loud. “You’d prefer a selfie over me flirting with you?”

But all Becky did in response was smile in the knowing way she always did. She brought her lips close to her ear, and Alexa shuddered at the contact.

“I’d prefer to be the one to eliminate you this Sunday at the Royal Rumble.”

Alexa silently fumed at that, but she stamped a smile on her face. Because there was absolutely no way. Becky couldn’t possibly be planning to do that—should her match against Asuka not go her way.

Right?

Suddenly, the sins of Alexa’s past were looking like they were finally catching up to her. After all this time.

All of the relentless bullying, the snarky insults, and the devastating beatdowns she gave to the Irish Lass Kicker at her own hands—it had all been fun and games for her two years ago. But it had also been a devious plot to get to the top of the division. And now, Alexa was going to see the bitter consequences of that wicked game she once played.

And it sent shivers down her spine.

But the Goddess had played it off well. She wouldn’t let it get to her. She wouldn’t give Becky that satisfaction.

“Just shut up and smile.” Alexa said, pulling out her phone, knowing that this was personal—knowing Becky would legitimately kick her ass up and down the hallway if she so happened to post this on social media.

“Fine, fine.” Becky said, ego crinkling wide at her lips, “You know, you’re kinda cute when you’re angry.”

“And you’re cute when you’re unbearable.”

“I learn from the best.”

#becky lynch #alexa bliss #belexa #there’s typos probably and this drabble might not make sense but w/e im drunk rn #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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lycanguts · 7 years ago

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CALLOUT POST FOR A PAST ABUSER/MANIPULATOR

So this is definitely not my usual type of content, I don’t like causing unnecessary drama but this is inexcusable. It's probably weird seeing this in a fandom tag but these are his main interests and if it could be boosted in this communities it might save some people.

Tumblr user @yucee is a terrible person both in how he acts and how he treats other people, he’s manipulative, quick to deflect blame and never takes responsibility for his actions. As if that wasn’t bad enough he's also a pedophile.

This post will not only contain my testimonial but the testimonials of two others who also met him.

This one is a doozy but I recommend reading it, I want as many people as possible to see his true nature (especially anyone >22 years old).

I would like make it known that he loves to play the victim in any scenario regardless of whose fault it actually is (most of the time it’s his however, he has a real hard time accepting blame for anything).

While my trauma is not as severe as others who have come in contact with him he ruined what was supposed to be a fun weekend with my friends as well as our first meeting which should’ve been something amazing.

Unfortunately I deleted our conversations on Discord as I didn’t think when I did I would be making this type of post, thankfully his tumblr messenger is still open to me as well as a few text messages post-meetup. Most things that revealed his true nature were said during voice chat so most of these messages are only a small glimpse at what an awful person he is.

My Testimonial:

Hello my name is Anthony, I'm 22 years old and I had met yucee three years back when we had a mutual friend. While we didn’t have much in common he seemed like a nice enough guy and someone I’d like to befriend. We had similar tastes in pokemon as well as similar music tastes, and while we had known each other for three years we hadn’t really talked consistently until mid 2017. It was around the latter half of this year that I had developed feelings for him and after a few weeks of hesitation I asked him out and was excited when he said “yes”. Had third been months ago I’d say our relationship was a good one, he accepted me for who I was and I was just happy to find another trans guy with no interest in anything sexual.

However looking back now I realize not only was Yucee extremely self centered but he made sure to link me to his “coping” fic every other day expecting me to read he one sentence he had added while when I would send him my art it was a 50/50 chance I would ever receive good feedback if any at all (his comments were either “cute” or “gay”, sometimes he would just ignore it altogether).

Did I mention he also invited himself to the convention I attended this summer? Around mid March I had planned on asking him as I was going to test the waters and see if by describing my con experiences it would be something he would be interested in attending possibly next year, however as soon as I brought up I was going to a convention he chirped in with “I want to go too!”. He was excited, I was too, and we soon began to make plans to meet each other. During this time let me point out how he would say things like “are we going to be around your friends the entire convention?” and “since you always get to see your friends can I have you to myself?” And “next year, if you still like me then, I want to go to MTAC, just you and me I don’t want your friends there.” And other things of this nature. At first I thought he was just joking around but it became evident to me after the fact that he was becoming extremely possessive of me to the point he was already picking out what costume I would wear for MTAC. Not only this but when he learned me and my friends had already planned a cosplay group he became upset because we were dating so we should’ve had matching costumes. Again this was mid March and the convention was early in early June, I had been working on what costumes I had since December. He was dead set on cosplaying persona characters and while I liked persona I didn’t think I’d have enough time to throw a costume together. Eventually he seemed pleased enough I’d be cosplaying Akira Fudo while he cosplayed Akira from persona, but he still complained that me and my friend were acting more like a couple than he and I were because I had a matching cosplay with her, “we’re boyfriends we should be matching he’d say”. Again, my friends plan our convention going experience well in advance, Yucee had pushed himself into our plans and was upset that nothing was going his way 100%, and that reflected in his behavior at the convention (we’ll get to that shitshow soon enough).

So it’s planning time, we have a few months, I tell him what kinds of things he can buy in the vendor hall and he starts buying his costumes and he estimates he’ll be able to save at least $800 of his SSI checks up to the point, but him being the impulsive man he is he had barely $300. He didn’t even buy his own ticket, he had spent all of his check from May on even more akeshu prints and costume stuff so he didn’t have enough to pay for a preregistration ticket (these closed on may 31st), so I offered to buy his ticket if he paid me back when I came to get him.

When it came to the issue of how he was going to get to my home I of course offered to drive him as long as he helped with gas and such.

Many, many times I assured him I would come and get him, I even had my car worked on just so I could be confident it would make the trip, but every so often he would say things like “I shouldn’t even be planning this, none of my plans ever work out.”

Every time this came up I assured him that it wouldn’t be an issue, while I had never made a trip this long by myself before I was more than willing.

Whenever I picked him up he gave me $50 for gas when he should’ve given me $150 ($100 for gas there and back, $50 for the ticket). But if we wanna get technical he also owed me an extra $50 on top of this, money he said he’d pay me during the convention (he didn’t). I had bought him a pair of shoes for a costume he didn’t wear (because he was too busy wearing my Guzma shoes) and two face products he used twice but stopped using after it didn’t work fast enough for his liking.

The $50 he had given me however was money he had guilted his dad into giving him, his dad couldn’t meet me halfway because he had stomach issues and was worried he wouldn’t be able to make the trip, which I was fine with, but he had told me he would ask his dad for more money from his monthly check because it was “his [dad’s] fault” I would have to drive the whole way. Also when I first was introduced to his father he introduced me as his boyfriend when I had made it VERY clear that I wanted to be introduced as only a friend, so he outted me without even considering my feelings.

For most of the car ride back he complained constantly about the heat, I had warned him my A/C was on the fritz but he continuously brought t up ever few minutes that he was hot. It was a four hour car ride.

As for the convention itself I will condense it to bullets because there’s a LOT to dive into.

June 7th (Day Before Con)

-I had warned him that he would have to come to work with me when he stayed at my house, since he was unaccustomed to waking up early I offered to wake him twenty minutes before I left (8:00 AM). The moment he woke up he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, the first words out of his mouth were “what are we doing for breakfast?” When I offered him one of my protein bars he made he comment how that wouldn’t fill him up and how he needed something with sodium, he then proceeded to try to get me to cook him a can of soup. This was five minutes before I was supposed to leave to pick up my friend/coworker. I made him a peanut butter sandwich because peanut butter is filling and added a bit of salt because salty peanut butter is good. He didn’t even finish the sandwich, handed it back to me with two bites out of it and continued to complain about being hungry until lunch time.

-When my friend was talking about how shitty her parent was Yucee responded with “if that was my dad I would just stand up to him” without realizing that my friend’s parent is verbally and emotionally abusive to her, unlike his dad who I assume just doesn’t coddle him like his mom did. He would say often how his dad was a terrible person and then turn around and say he couldn't wait for his dad to get a settlement (which he intended to give Yucee a good part of). His dad is also accepting of him and supportive of him to the point he even is helping fund his T shots/top surgery. When I told him that my friend's parent was not his father he immediately fired back with "Oh well you can't compare suffering."

You're probably wondering why I referred to my friend's parent as her parent as opposed to her "mother", well about that...

This is in his about. We’ll get into this later.

-We’re short staffed at work, he offered to help. He refused to do litterboxes because of the smell, it took three times of asking him to sweep for me to eventually hand him the broom to sweep, he proceeded to wildly rock the broom back and fourth saying he didn’t know how to sweep, I then asked him to do dishes since he didn’t know how to sweep (he didn’t do the dishes).

-Asked me if he could wear my new pair of shoes because he didn’t have the foresight to pack a comfortable pair of shoes that weren’t for a costume ; whined when I said no because as I said these were my new shoes and a birthday present, continued to complain about how much his feet hurt in my old pair of work shoes I lent him.

-Did I mention he constantly stated that the government pays him to not know anything, and that was one of his many excuses on how he didn’t know how to do even simple tasks like sweep? Other excuses were “I didn’t know that” or “I’m autistic I can’t help it” or “I’ve never done this before.”

-Went into a frenzy when my friends went over a couple of aisles in a very small dollar store, “you guys were going to leave me!” he growled. We assured him we wouldn’t do that countless times after this, this would not be the first occurrence.

-we arrive at my Dad’s house where we would be staying for the convention. Yucee’s frantic squeaking of a toy he had caught the attention of my sister’s lab puppy, thinking Yucee wanted to play he grabbed the toy with his mouth earning a scream followed by a backhand from Yucee. He never apologized. While on the topic of animal abuse: Yucee is extremely neglectful of the three cats he owns. One is covered so badly in flea bites and scabs chunks of his fur are missing and the table on which they eat was covered in vomit and old food, plus they don’t have a litter box so they have to go outside to use the bathroom despite him living near a busy road. Yet he continuously says he wants more cats.

-Whined that his wig didn’t look -exactly- like the picture and proceeded to throw it on the ground, no one noticed him do this as we were busy with our own things. He came out after about a minute and shouted at us “Did no one see me throw my wig down?!” When my friend Seth apologized and pointed out we were all busy he verbally said “sigh”.

June 8th (Day 1 of the con)

-morning time, we’re all getting dressed in our cosplays, Yucee takes the longest despite having the simplest costume and demands that we show him how to apply makeup/put on a wig, after showing him a few times already the night before. he also asks us to do the tasks for him, including putting on his makeup and even partially dressing him (made someone put on his suspenders for him without him even trying beforehand) “I’ve never cosplayed before.” he would say. His outfit was a shirt, pants and a pair of suspenders, he wasn’t even wearing his wig.

-as for my birthday present from him: in the vendor hall he buys me three tiny buttons, $1 each, two buttons that have lgbt+ pride things on them, both of which I can’t wear in my daily life. He also buys me s hat that he didn’t ask if I wanted, especially since the only kind of hats I wear are baseball hats. You might think I’m just mad that I didn’t get presents I wanted, I’m usually the thought that counts type of guy, but he made it quite clear what he wanted for his birthday that was a month away while we were in the vendor hall, he kept making remarks how he wanted a commission done of his favorite persona character, he wanted multiple commissions, and he made it clear he wanted me to buy them. He still hasn’t wished me a happy birthday.

-me and my two friends have had a few pictures of us requested at this point , Yucee gets angry that no one recognizes his Ryuji cosplay and how no one had asked for a picture. Thirty minutes after this exchange someone asks for his picture, he declines saying he’s a “disgusting gross frog man”. Soon after he again complains about this issue.

-complained, constantly, every five minutes it was either asking me when we were going home or how there were no persona cosplayers (there were, plenty) or how he was so nasty and had to go home and shower/wash his clothes (he showered at least three times a day).

-pulled me away from activities with my friends because he wanted me to take him home to shower/wash his clothes (where we were staying was roughly 20 minutes from the convention center and it took him thirty minutes each time).

-straight up insulted cosplayers because they didn’t pick the outfit he liked for the character they were portraying or said he didn’t like the costume because they were acting “too straight”.

-got jealous because me and my friend were “acting more like a couple” than me and him were. My friend and I were Pipimi and Popuko from popteamepic, canonically they are girlfriends and the most my friend and I did was hold hands while skipping and playfully call each other “darling”. I didn’t want to hold hands with Yucee, I didn’t even want to touch him.

-reason I wouldn’t hold hands or even touch Yucee? He had broken many of my boundaries in a short span of time, while it was was wrong of me to not communicate this to him he still continued to push when I was visibly uncomfortable. A ten year friendship had lot less boundaries than a three year friendship/seven month relationship (that I had just met in person two days earlier). Yucee would constantly rub his hands over the back of my neck, he would constantly slap my arm and eventually did it in for me was when he snuck up behind me and angrily slammed his hand on my shoulder because me and my friends had “left” him. I nearly had a panic attack before I realized it was him. He never apologized.

-would go into a frenzy if my group travelled ahead without him, even if we were in sight and only a few feet away he would cry about how we were leaving him behind. Every time I assured him we wouldn’t leave him and he could call me should we get separated.

June 9th (Day 2 of the con)

-Morning routine similar to day one, complete with him still making someone else do his makeup for him

-Said “not all of us having living mothers” rather annoyingly when someone was complaining about their mom. This person didn’t know Yucee had “ptsd” and wasn’t even talking to him but rather to my friend. He sounded more annoyed than about to have a panic attack, he even said what was supposed to be his trigger word.

-Did have a “breakdown” however because we walked a few feet away from him, we were still in eyesight, he didn’t even attempt to keep up with us. Went to the nearest booth where he knew he’d get sympathy, a booth that he knew was run by someone’s MOTHER. Made the comment afterwards that he wished she would adopt him.

-Tried to guilt me should I be thinking about breaking up with him.

-Constantly says that he should’ve never of come and how he just wants to go home, even asks if I or my grandma can drive him home on day three.

So the convention dance party rolls around, which is basically just a clean rave, I’m hyped because this is the first time I’m actually going to break out of my comfort zone and attend it. Yucee wanted to go to as he said he had always wanted to see what a rave was like, the moment we step in he goes to sit in the corner by himself. I told him I’ll come check on him every few minutes, I left my phone with him to prove that would come back for him. A few minutes pass and I go to check on him, he says he’s going outside the door for a second to get some air, so I think nothing of it. I see that they’re selling light up face masks so I had to run to my car to get cash, a trip that’ll take me about ten minutes. I tell my friends where I’m going and that Yucee said he’d be right outside. Halfway on my trip back from the car I’m alerted that my friends can’t find Yucee. I start to panic and practically run back to where the dance party is, I meet up with my friends and we split up to look for him. It doesn’t take me long to find him because I look in the area where he said he was going: outside on the balcony. I look around and there’s a lot of people out there, none Yucee, but upon further inspection I see he’s all the way on the other end of the balcony where no one else is. I lose it because he didn’t tell anyone he was going over there, we all assumed outside on the balcony meant with the rest of the people taking a break, not wedged in a corner out of anyone’s sight line. That’s when I decide it’s time someone has a talking to with him. I ask my friend to tell him why what he did wasn’t okay while I go grab a cup of water, when I return to them my friend makes it clear it’s my turn to talk to him. That’s when I decide to break up with him, not because of his “break down” but because of his disregard of anyone else’s feelings that weekend. While I was considering it I was going to think it over after the convention and make my decision in the future, he twisted my arm for the last time though.

-Yucee blames my friend Boo for the reason we broke up despite me clarifying that it was 100% my decision

-Also blamed her for being the reason he had a breakdown, because she didn’t coddle him like everyone else. Didn't even bother to apologize for the two breakdowns he had caused her, when I brought it up he would always go through me to do it.

-so after I gave him my two cents I let him stew in a safe space while I tried to enjoy the remainder of the day with my friends (it was 12 am at this point and the con center closed at 1 am). We went to the game room (which I told him about) and not ten minutes go by he’s spamming me with texts and calls to tell me this is why he has “trust issues”.

-We get home and he goes immediately to bed without a word to any of us

June 10th (Final day of the con)

-Stayed in my dad’s basement all day by request, barely paid me half of the convention ticket money he owed me because he had spent it all on merch

I didn't hear from him all day, didn't even acknowledge us when we returned to start packing up.

-when we arrived at my home after leaving my dad’s he locked himself away all night, I didn’t see him until the next morning when I drove him home. (which he didn't provide me gas for, didn't even say one word to me).

I was lucky that my friend Boo tagged along when I took him home because she is one of the best friends I have had or will ever have and despite Yucee's hatred of her he could actually learn a LOT from her about being a good person.

I did have some contact with him post convention which is outlined in most of these messages, but for about the past month I have not contacted him out of one anon (see end of this post).

So just keep in mind that when he says his convention experience was awful that he’s the reason for a good portion of it going bad, he didn’t even bother apologizing to my friends once for ruining their convention, a convention that we all look forward to a year in advance.

Now I believe my friend's deserve to have their voices heard.

Boo’s Testimonial:

(This one’s a bit messy thanks to tumblr’s image limit)

Seth’s Testimonial:

In summary: yucee aka Jamie/Mike McCarver is a lazy, manipulative, self centered man. He’s a 27 year old who acts like he’s a child and plays up his problems for sympathy, he refuses to ever take blame or apologize for anything because how could he do wrong when he’s autistic/disabled. If he ever does apologize he never says it directly to the person, rather he goes for a general apology. He also says he’s learned from his mistakes but it’s obvious that he’s just saying that in an attempt to placate those he’s wronged or save face.

He’s also known to twist words to garner sympathy, what a shocker:

I sent him an anon as bait because I knew he’d twist the words. But I never said he didn’t deserve testosterone, and he knows that’s not what I meant, by not publishing the ask he can twist the words how he likes, which he likes to do a lot.

The anon read “If you paint a piece of shit gold it’s still a piece of shit. I’m not sure what you think you learned from your experience but it doesn’t change that you’re a pedophile. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong, in the end you hurt someone and if your not man enough to just issue an apology to them you’re a coward and no amount of testosterone will make you a real man. Your mother and father would be ashamed.”

Oh, and don’t forget about him being a pedophile.

Yucee was/is a sexually aggressive pedophile who refuses to acknowledge that he’s mentally messed up someone so bad that it’s still affecting them to this day and doesn’t even bother to apologize to them because he thinks they’ve traumatized him too. They were 14 years old, he was 22. He seems to have made it his mission to demonize his victim when his victim has not even made contact with him in three years. He says he’s changed but continues to befriend people at least five years younger than him, while they still are legal adults it’s still creepy considering the past he’s had with younger individuals.

And Yucee if you’re reading this: Your victim has not sent you any anons, you know exactly who has because you’ve told me before you know it’s her.

Please boost this, do NOT interact with this user to send hate, and PLEASE stay safe.

#callout #signal boost #boku no hero academia #bnha #shigaraki tomura #hawks bnha #dabi bnha #shigadabi #akeshu #shuake #persona 5 #p5 akechi #p5 akira #ghirazant #pokemon #pedophilia//

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anotherenbyjourney · 7 years ago

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why now?

Something I was asked by my doctor during my assessment was: Why now? Why look to pursue surgery now? Why come out to everyone and make these changes now? I turn 30 in just over a month. I’m not a kid, or a teen anymore. Far from it. I suppose I should know who I am by now, should have had that figured out, but honestly do any of us ever really know who we are? Ever?

My entire life I’ve felt just... Odd. Weird. “Other” a lot of the time. Not just because I’m a nerd (that’s not helped lol), but I have never really fit in properly with the majority of your average girls or women. I felt the “odd one out” amongst my family who were predominantly female. In offices staffed with majority women, I felt like a complete outsider. I’ve very rarely “clicked” with girls and I get along a LOT easier and faster with guys. Any age, any background, any education level, getting along with guys was much smoother.

I put it down to “they just don’t “get” you”. I didn’t get the same feeling with my friends, male or female. We shared enough of the same interests, had the same sense of humour, liked the same things etc. But that’s how it works right? The people you click and vibe with, you make friends with. Age was maybe also a factor in “not gelling” with other women. People also come from different walks of life.

“You're not just a big weird freak, you’re just made from entirely different moulds, right? You can’t get along with everyone?”

It’s only within the last few years that I started finding out about gender issues, nonbinary specifically. The more and more I read into it, the more stats and facts and studies I absorbed, the more little bits of information, the more RELATABLE AS HELL the stories I was reading were getting... the more I started to consider; Hey wait a minute. This is all making FAR too much goddamn sense.

It took a while for things to start adding up to the point I started making changes in my life or thinking differently about myself. All the things I was learning, and how they related to me and the way I think and feel, started to change my outlook on myself. About 2 and a half years ago, I started thinking to myself: “Right. I’m Nonbinary. This is me!” I tried it on, entirely privately, non-verbally. It’s how I thought about myself. And it... fit. It worked. It felt right.

Some time later, I told my husband and a few very close friends “hey I think I might be nonbinary” or at the very least “I’m having very weird Gender Feelings you guys...” The ability to talk it out and bounce ideas and feelings off my friends, some of whom are trans themselves, has been utterly invaluable. Last year I made more baby steps towards accepting this strange new-but-not-new part of myself, that I’d managed to finally put a name to. I told a few more people. I would drop it into casual convo. I made posts around pride week and national coming out day. The binder I’d bought to wear for cosplay purposes, I started wearing on a more casual everyday basis. I -embraced- my masculine swings a lot more often and dressed how I wanted to dress, moved how I wanted to move, spoke how I wanted to speak. The way that felt most natural at that time. I stopped worrying I “looked super butch” or “like a lesbian” when I looked and dressed more masculine.

And it all felt - really good-.

Imagine you’ve gone the majority of your life, thinking like.. “theres just something not quite right here.” It’s nothing causing you physical pain. There are no real symptoms you can put a finger on. “Not fitting in with women”, “not being into girl stuff”, “having body confidence and body image issues”, “liking to wear boys clothes/have short masc haircuts/wearing cologne/etc/etc/etc” were all just weird little facets of yourself you’d had to live with and feel weird and “other” about.

And then suddenly someone goes: hey that weirdness you’re feeling? There’s a name for that. You’re not just a freak! You’re not different all of a sudden, nothing has changed, but aaaall the stuff that made you “you”, makes a heck of a lot more sense now that you can put a name on it.

This is not “Who I Am Now”. This is Who I Have Always Been.

It all started to make sense. Everything. I wasn’t just weird. I didn’t have to worry about “looking like a man” anymore. My dysphoria made SENSE. It sucked ass, and still made me feel like shit, but it made sense! I’m not broken.

The biggest “click” and the thing that lit a real fire under me was New Years eve 2017. It was a themed party, and people were all in costumes. I went as a male character and wore my binder (I’m going to talk a bit about costuming as male characters later because this is also Important I think). I’d had a few drinks, and when it came time to take the costume off and get into something a bit more comfy after midnight (and because I was coming to the end of my binder time. I like to bind safely) I found that it was HEARTRENDINGLY UPSETTING... to take the binder off and “go back to being girl-me again”. I’d always been really sad after a solid weekend of dressing as a man for male costumes and having to “go back to normal” but this was like an intense version of that feeling. That I’d spent 29 years doing this, living with and putting up with “girl-me”. Like that version of myself wasn’t the real me at all. That I was facing another year, approaching thirty, and that this was going to be how things were for the rest of my life unless I did something about it.

January 2nd I sent out an email to my chosen doctor (I’d been researching it all for months at the back end of 2017 but done nothing about it) to try and book an appointment to pursue top surgery, which I told my husband about and we had a long discussion around.

February 4th I came out to my mum and my two sisters who had a lot of questions but were incredibly supportive. They told me that “actually that makes a lot of sense...” considering my childhood, and while they were worried for me from a “this is a surgery you cannot come back from, I hope you’re sure” point of view, supported me there too.

Last month I went a lot more public with my gender and I’m trying to make more and more people aware of it, since I interact with large groups of varied people as part of cosplay and costuming. I’ve literally faced nothing but support (and questions of course, but I’ve got all the time in the world for supportive people who just want to understand things so they can better help and support their friends and others like me.)

It’s been thirty years. And I still have a long way to go. But I’ve honestly never been more comfortable within myself and with every babystep I’ve taken towards hacking my way out of this shitty little “desperately trying to conform to gender standards” chrysalis I’ve been trapped in for my entire life, the better I’ve felt.

#trans uk #transgender uk #top surgery #nonbinary #enby #nb #nb uk #enby uk #nonbinary uk #big question post #why now #gender issues #dysphoria #tw!dysphoria #tw:dysphoria #binder #gender questioning

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ask-dr-knockout · 7 years ago

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New Job and Confessions

So hey guys, just a heads up I'll be starting my new job here soon in a few days. I just finished the remaining documentation and stuff like that. *Takes deep breath*

I'll be honest I am watching inspiring shows and listening to calming music right now between work in an effort to kind of keep myself positive and a little bit distracted from thinking any negative thoughts or allowing insecurities to fester.

I do apologise for a lack of posts lately and offtopic content as I know I have active RP I need to reply too and catch up with as well as commissions. Thanks for your patience my friends. Please bear with me.

I'm sure we all can relate to feeling a bit uneasy when it comes to change good or bad. It's new and it's a bit frightening at times. I'm about to go through alot of that soon. I've made alot of promises to my family and myself lately too. I want to make sure I do my best.

Not only for the new job but to commit to my own personal health and well-being again by keeping up good routines and cultivating good habits.

This is the first true full time job I'm taking on again since my family went through tragedy 4 years ago. This is a very difinitive time for us and I want to focus and make sure I do everything I can to succeed.

I'm finding myself in the same position my mother was in before she became sick. After financial hardship in the family, my mother went through rigerious training for a new job in order to help support all of us.

Despite her own unbelievable hardships while sick and going through chemo my mother continued to work and even passed her tough training for her job before she became to Ill and had to take medical leave. If it had not been for her efforts we would have not made it.

She did it for dad and I.

In the short time she was with that amazing company she forged bonds and friendships that could have lasted for years to come because that was who my mother was. Strong, determined and outgoing. She was going to go so far they would have promoted her. I sometimes wonder why God took her from us things would have been so much easier to bear if she had healed. She was/is the heart of us. She was my best friend before I had any friends. She still drives me to succeed as any good mother would.

I'm so proud of my mom and my dad for fighting through and being there for each other and me. I'm crying as I write this now but I want mom to know it's my turn now and I'm going to make her proud. If my mom could pass her training as sick as she was to support us I have no excuse but to do my very best like she did. I hope that I can succeed, this family needs some WINS. I owe that to her and dad for being amazing inspiring parents.

I'm tired of holding myself back from living a normal stable life both financially and emotionally. I figure if I can just get past this change I will start to get used to a new and better rhythm in my life once again and will have accomplished something meaningful.

I've been so used to putting out fires or relying on others to take that leadership and provide, but i think it's finaly time to cultivate and rebuilt again and this time I'm going to make that happen on my own merits. I want to do this for so many reasons.

I've had plenty of time to process everything that happened in the past. I can finally talk about subjects that hurt deeply or handle the slightest hint or mention that before could leave me in rough emotional states. I can recognize the fact I'm finally healing.

Where I won't pretend that I'm 100% recovered however, I now have regained enough of my old self to move forward again. I have found tools to work and manage that grief and pain. I've laid out a plan.

I realize I'm rambling alot right now but I need to get these feelings out and the more I say the easier it is to face.

The more I type the more likely I am to stick to my own personal proclimations and goals.

So yeah, I am just trying to keep positive and confidant. For Mom, Dad and myself.

This is going to be outside my comfort zone as it is a completely new field to me but I just gotta keep up the resolve. Lol man, I haven't even started yet, it could be easier then what Anxiety/ uncertainty likes to make one think. Gotta avoid overthinking it and take it one day at a time. I wish I didn't overthink things so much haha. feeling uncertian right now isn't going to help.

Also, this isn't so much just an update post I guess as an outlet to affirm my own choices that what I am doing is the right thing because it's so far from what I ever actually invisioned myself doing. Of course sometimes it's those things that bring us the most happieness too. Life is just not perdicable despite how often we have our own goals in mind. I find it's sometimes best to go with the flow and take what opportunity is presented. And this IS a career opportunity I can be proud of. And I'm a bit overjoyed it is not retail again. I've done retail so much in the past. I finally have found an opportunity I can grow and advsnce within this company. Where hard work supposedly Does get recognized.

But don't get me wrong. My heart still yearns for a career in the arts but I know we can't always have it our way and things may have to come in time. I tried for years to get where I thought I wanted to go without the success I was seeking. It doesn't mean I've given up but I do have to make a new strategy on how to move forward. And with financial stability and new skillsets to fall back on it also opens new opportunities for me as well. I'm making a calculated decision to persue a better future. The dreams are not dead.

Sometimes we have to take a less obvious or indirect route to achieve our goals and be pragmatic. I think the important thing to remember in any choice we make is to stay true to ourselves and especially those we love.

I can do this and I'm not going to let my insecurities get in the way of persuing a better path. but I think I may need help and encouragement from my friends. I really am not good with the solitary thing lol.

I kind of depend on you guys. You really do help drive me. Kind words and actions go a long way they are invaluable to me. Someday soon I hope I can give back to these special people in my life. Hugs

If I know myself, I know that I can be a bit hard on myself too. Another reason I truly depend on my friends. I have alot of big dreams because of my own high expectations and sometimes that can crush me when I think about how far off those aspirations still are. But maybe it's time to start living each day for what it is and having smaller goals leading to something bigger instead.

I'm working on being a kinder person to others but also to myself. I read recently how much our inner voice can truly play a role in our lives. I'm also saying this too for anyone else dealing with that. Be kind to yourself. Coach yourself like you would a close friend you want to help. Give yourself a break when you don't always succeed. If I fail at this new job it just means it wasn't the right fit. But I will have failed knowing I did my best first. At least I can mark that off my list too and move on to the next thing that might be even better.

But anyways yep, I want to keep driving for rideshare on the side as well as working on my freelance art/ cosplay. I don't want to give those things up because they are very much apart of who I am and what I love.

I admittedly still have some doubts about running myself down or the opposite never having the will to alot time for those passions anymore. To be honest I think the second out of the two is my greater fear. I tend to get focused on one task at a time but this job will require me to become more adept at multitasking or stopping and switching gears. not just in the job itself but in managing every aspect of my life. I hope I can learn to do this better as I can be a bit obsessive and too focused on one thing at a time. Also getting bored with one thing. It's definitely a skill I have to work on.

*Sigh* I have to admit too, there's so much riding on this too as I will need to work rideshare the first 2 weeks after i get done with my normal full time training hours to still handle the bills before I can begin to rely more on my new work schedule. After that I can limit my driving to maybe a few hours on the weekends so that I can begin to replenish savings for the future. This probably also means I may be less likely to be attending as many conventions as I used too in the past at least for this first year. But we'll have to see how it goes.

I'll be praying for energy and resolve and any support/prayers or well wishes is super appreciated on all of this. I'm going to need it in the upcoming weeks.

Anyways thanks for reading and allowing me to vent my feelings out to you guys. Your the best.

#mun #personal #job #sorry for long post #long post #vent #resolve #staying positive #doing good on a personal promice #self care #hard work #rewarding work #sorry i dont know how to do read more on mobil

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hikarimitsuko · 7 years ago

Text

Middle of the night thoughts

What I realized was...it’s not my nickname that made me feel this bad... Actually it does make me feel bad...BUT not as much as getting rid of it...So perhaps my name will change some day...or maybe not. I’m indeed sad and affected by the fact that I deleted my instagram after 4 years of working hard on building an audience...but said audience of 12k people were ghosts and mainly inactive towards anything I post. Not to whine...nothing like that, the world doesn’t owe me anything...but I do not like wasting my time or speaking in the void. I do feel bad about the fact that some of my followers were following me and encouraging me since the very start and I will definitely be nostalgic for that part and for those amazing people. Hopefully they’ll find me elsewhere.

I’ve been realizing since about a year ago that whatever I tried, to change my style, to cosplay new things, to post some art, to join new networks that would touch more people who could be interested in what I do, I realized that in the end...it’s internet people. They are not friends, never will be. I’m realistic, people follow/followed me for Levi. And anytime I’d try to do something else as well, the difference in interaction was beyond bearable. Now I never wanted to stop cosplaying Levi, but this sort of situation sort of pushed me away from him. The last few times I’ve been him, I had absolutely no fun doing him.

I think also the cosplay community has changed alot in 4 years. Not only that but there is alot of SJWs now and it’s making the community toxic... Cosplay used to be fun. I will still be doing it on my own but low profile. I will post my pics as posts but if anyone wants to see all my pics they will have to go to my fb page as this is more of a closed space where I can easily deal with toxic people and don’t really care as much if it produces absolutely no reaction.

Some will say...oh she’s still in depression. Well no, actually I’ve been off antidepressants for two weeks... and withdrawal is very bad, like VERY VERY BAD, but I know I can make it. I know I can feel good and happy once I work on things that don’t make me happy anymore. I always said: when cosplay will stop making me happy, I will stop.

It’s not really the case. I love cosplaying...but I just don’t like to do it for an audience anymore. Especially an audience that is 80% ghosts. Sometimes I wonder what steps I took that were wrong or what I could’ve done differently. Of course you compare yourself as a cosplayer and sometimes seeing people who would put about the same effort as you and started waaaay after you did or even some people who didn’t put any effort at all get so much feedback on their stuff while I was sitting there wondering if what I did was worth sharing or not. Guess insecurity, anxiety and need for validation do that, but I won’t excuse myself for being how I am.

I stopped being excited about sharing photos (photography is one of my main passions so that’s very bad)... And I started feeling like conventions didn’t give me that feeling they used to. It started feeling fake and forced and...it started feeling like a competition all the time. Without even noticing I started comparing myself and finding flaws after flaws in my things...so much that I began to hate most of my cosplays.

As you know, all of this is expensive, it’s expensive to maintain and I tried really hard to keep it going because god knows I love to cosplay...I tried ko-fi, I tried patreon, I tried commissions, I tried tutorials, I tried plenty of things...but it simply didn’t work. I know some people go ebegging all the time but frankly it gets on my nerves so I never intended on making people access my stuff for a price. I always loved seeing people smile and appreciate what I do. A simple thumbs up would make my day, but all these were gone after a while... While my wallet was getting emptier as I kept on going.

I’ll always love cosplay...but I’ll keep it for me. I’ll do it for me. I’ve been cleaning up the 40k pics I have of cosplays. And you know what? I know I did a good job. That’s all that matters. I don’t need anyone’s input on that because most of them are just pixels on a screen looking for easy and free entertainment (which is fine), but I expected too much. I didn’t want people to lurk, I wanted people to interact. In the past few days I needed help, still do but I’m done asking for any so don’t bother... And out of the approximate 18k persons following me around all social networks i’m in...do you know who helped me? 3 people.

@kozumesenpaii My closest friend.

@angelica200555 One of my most faithful followers since a long long LONG time ago and an angel

And another person who just started following me.

I know...I know that the world owes me nothing. But you’d think after 4 years of doing this...someone would care enough to offer a 3$ ko-fi. But no.

It’s fine, it’s totally fine I’m not mad (anymore cause i have to admit I was mad when I was panicking about not getting a fucking paycheck this week)... But it did make me realize that....like Max says...it’s only internet people, they don’t care.

It makes way more sense now. And I’ve accepted that. I’m in peace with it. Yesterday was a revelation. I guess I needed something to kick my ass to actually finally make a move. Deleting my instagram made me sad...and once I saw ‘’permanently deleted’’ appear... I immediately cried for 15 minutes.... It took me so long to build this. I’ve loved this so much. But I’ve loved a dream, I’ve loved a bubble and it’s been burst for a while.

Now I will love it differently. I will love cosplay/anime/art and whatever else only for me. I will post but only if I want to.

I will maybe write more fanfics or one shots if I feel like it... I do feel confident about my writing in fanfics but I don’t want to go around parading and promoting the shit out of it. They’re little hidden AO3 treasures that ereri and klance fans might stumble upon and fall in love with.

I will not censure myself either for the sake of having ‘’followers’’ that might not like what I do... I’m done living for people. I’m still not sure about name changing my stuff because my youtube and facebook pages are still under hikarimitsuko and I am keeping these so don’t you worry about that. I re-changed my tumblr and twitter back to hikari but if it makes me feel bad, i’ll just find something else later on. I changed my twitch username without noticing u have to wait 60 days to change it again so if you are looking for hikarimitsuko on twitch...it’s actually ephemere87...for the next 60 days...lol...I’ll probably change it back to hika.

SO hum I guess I wanna say thank you to those who followed me so long and kept believing in me even when I was deep in depression. I know it wasn’t always easy to read my posts because I have very negative phases towards myself...but I try to stay away as much as possible when it happens. Thanks to those who cared no matter what. Thanks to those who get genuinely worried about me. My final request would be : IF YOU ARE A GHOST FOLLOWER, PLEASE, unfollow me.

PS: For future references, I will be posting videos of ALL my cosplays on youtube eventually as compilations. Pretty sure Levi’s will last half an hour or longer lol...But anyways... I keep my youtube too for CMVs and such if the inspiration strikes.

Plan - without timeline:

-Deadpool and spidey skit (with max) - youtube

-Costest of Viktor Nikiforov (gotta style the wig) - on here and facebook

-Cosplay Keith Kogane (when I feel like it) - on here and facebook.

Thank you for these 4 years! It’s not over.

#hikarimitsuko #cosplay #ereri #klance

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s3venpounds · 7 years ago

Note

1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out.

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on.

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever?

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

#ask me shit #its fun to tell people way more shit than they wanted

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sammisincostumeagain · 8 years ago

Photo

Fanime: Then vs. Now (2017)

I’ve been going to Fanime since my junior year in high school back in 2009, and a lot has changed--much of it for the better.

So, this year at Fanime was almost a completely new experience for me. I’ve been steadily improving as a cosplayer each year, adding onto my costumes and learning new crafts and techniques. I have been a huge fan of the Legend of Zelda for years, and every time a new game releases I try to make the best costume I can for the new release. Usually I have one or two other costumes for the other days of the con, but the Legend of Zelda was always a constant.

I’m not going to go on about why I identify with Link and why I feel so at home in Hyrule, because that could have its own post. What I do want to talk about is the huge shift in cosplay culture and my own experiences since I first started attending.

Before I ever went to Fanime, I attended tiny cons at my local college or in San Francisco. Anime started gaining serious traction with youth when I was in middle school, and the first series I ever saw was InuYasha. It inspired me to draw, and I’ve always loved dressing up. For two straight weeks in high school my senior year, I wore a different costume every single day despite my stepmother picking on me for being a ‘weirdo’. Hey, I may be a weirdo, but at least I’m nice.

I started learning to sew my junior year, but I wasn’t good enough to make my own costumes yet. I was a thrifter, and I got a green tee shirt from my boyfriend (because he’s a long and tall, it was a tunic on me), a pair of cargo shorts and a huge buckle belt from Goodwill, and I made myself an attempt at a hat. I did not have a sword, and that year when I went to Fanime I didn’t have any fun. I was from a poor family and had begged for money for a ticket, and I realized while there that the people with really good costumes were having the most fun. It made me nervous to talk to them because I was embarrassed at my costume. I almost didn’t go back, but I got into Chobits and thought I could make a really cute Chi because even though I don’t have amber eyes, mine are hazel.

Two years later I went back to Fanime on my second college grant and didn’t go as Link. I went as Chii, which was pretty cute, but only one person took a picture and I didn’t have a good camera. The picture you see above is the only memory I have of the cosplay. I also went as Sailor Jupiter that year, and had used a white one-piece bathing suit, sewn a cute capelet with a ruffled trim and a couple of satin bows, ordered shoes online and sewn white lacing to them, and ordered some cat’s eye cabochons to use as crystals. I even made an awkward-but-almost-good wire wrapped tiara. That year a lot of people took pictures, but I didn’t remember to ask for contact information or business cards and I lost out on all of that costume. I learned a lesson that year.

The following year I got really serious. I went to Joann and bought some thin, olive-green suit lining and decided to make a real tunic and do a Twilight Princess Link. At that time, that was my favorite Legend of Zelda game. I was in a ceramics class in college and had sculpted and painted my own Majora’s mask and a Deku Mask, which I still proudly own, and I was excited to show it off. This was around the time my boyfriend and his family moved to a bigger property too, and they had a workshop that we were able to use. My boyfriend was getting into leather and wood working, and we made the shield together. I reused my pants, boots, and belt and made the tunic and hat from scratch, and then ordered a plastic sword online which was similar in shape to the Master Sword and painted it to look like it. I got a ridiculous amount of attention that year, got countless pictures taken and this time remembered to take a lot myself, but I still forgot to ask for contact information from those who photographed me. I was not very good at posing either. I was so excited, I was like a kid in a candy store; every picture had me wearing a stupid grin like a little kid, but I loved it. People thought I was adorable.

Then I got a Real Job™ and decided to kick it up a notch. I wore TP Link I think for two years before Hyrule Warriors was released. I knew if I did that costume so soon after the release it would be popular, and I craved the attention because I didn’t have a ton of friends who had this interest in common with me at the time. I wanted to do something impressive, and the new Link had new items I would have to make from scratch. I was already disappointed that I couldn’t go the year Skyward Sword came out, so I swore I would do this one. I reused my belt, cargo pants, and boots and made a tunic and scarf. I used outdoor acrylics (FolkArt makes the best) to paint the gold and green trim and the details on the scarf, and then I made the hat. I also got a decent foam sword and reused the shield. Next was the pauldron, and back then I wasn’t familiar with foam or worbla work and didn’t want to use cardboard, but I found inspiration in polymer clay sculptures on Etsy. I bought a pound of polymer clay and some spray on paint and hand sculpted the thing at my desk at work on my breaks, using a stencil I had sketched out myself. That year, there were barely any cosplayers from the game and few people cared that I was there. Maybe 10 pictures were taken. But I loved the way I looked and felt in the costume. I was still motivated and wore the same costume again the next year, and wasn’t bothered by the lack of photos because people still wanted to chat with me.

This year, I had less than 4 months to make this costume. My now-husband is an established leatherworker and has picked up a lot of techniques in foam working and even electrical over the last couple of years. Starting at the Breath of the Wild US release I got a crash course in all of these as we desperately tried to craft multiple props and accessories, all while battling depression and anxiety and trying to escape our abusive families. We had limited time to work and limited money as we were trying to move out, but couldn’t find any suitable roommates. Still, we worked up until 6:30 am the Friday of the convention and were on the road 4 hours later.

This year was a wildly new experience for me. For the first time, 90% of my costume was completely handmade. I had more detailed props than I could carry, and my reception was so different from any other year. I lost count of the number of people who wanted pictures of or with me, including several adorable children, and I even had four professional photo shoots. I had a good phone camera this time as well, and I had learned a couple of things in previous years. First, I had learned what the difference between “costuming” and “cosplaying” was and tried to act more like Link. Less smiling, don’t always look directly at the camera, and practice poses. Second, remember to get business cards and contact information from people when they take pictures. Finally, friend everybody and tag everything because we all like to be appreciated. I had every single part of the costume, and I had the bow and Ancient Arrow so I could do poses from the posters--something that was recognizable. JC pretty much made everything and I sort of just painted and tried stuff out. We made something more original and impressive: the light-up Ancient Shield.

Not only did a massive number of people want pictures and give me compliments, but four separate photographers wanted to do professional shoots with me where they requested action poses, natural poses, took panoramic photos of the whole costume, took photos in photogenic locations (like near trees and flowers), and happily handed me business cards. I was stunned. I don’t consider myself a pro by any means, so I was flattered. I had almost decided to go blonde for the costume since my hair is so hard to stuff int a wig, but I would have either had to pay $200+ or chop all my hair off and so I just stayed brunette like in the previous years. I’m also not a blue-eyed girl; I have hazel eyes, so that’s not exactly a match and I don’t know how to get ahold of a good set of contacts yet. Despite that major lack of accuracy, I was wildly popular and people consistently asked me about the construction of my costume and props and I was so excited to answer questions. Early on in my cosplay “career” I had known somebody I considered to be a friend who was very good, and youhave probably met her; however, when i asked her for help she would ignore me and I had to learn everything myself. I didn’t like how that felt, so I resolved not to be like that. I openly give information on costume construction.

Normally I only go to Fanime, and that’s just one time a year. I used to be too broke to attend more events than that, but since I got promoted last year and I’ve gotten more and more into art and crafting I’ve decided to try and dedicate more time to it, even in my turbulent life. JC and I are far from stable at the moment and have to scrounge for opportunities to practice our art, but I never thought I would ever be this good. So I think that’s the moral of the story; you might start out just assembling pieces and think you’re never going to be as good as the best cosplayers you encounter, but as long as you keep trying new things and challenging yourself then you’re almost guaranteed to get there eventually. Don’t lose your motivation.

I met a bunch of Breath of the Wild cosplayers, and one other Link stuck out to me in particular. In general her cosplay was a lot more accurate than mine, but she didn’t really have any props. She didn’t feel that confident about the costume, but then a photographer caught us after the meetup and asked her to take a picture with my bow and ancient arrow, not realizing that they were mine. I handed them to her excitedly and was like, “Go, go do it!” and she was like, “Are you sure?” But she took it and had her first serious photoshoot right there with the pro photographers. I got another photoshoot out of it too, but the best part was that it had been the highlight of her weekend, which also made it mine. I made a ton of friends this year, and that was the best part of the weekend and it really brought me closer to the character I was portraying.

Anyway, sorry for this enormous feelings dump! If you read it this far, I just want you to know I appreciate you and keep working at it! Tutorials are coming soon and I’m always happy to answer questions. I hope you enjoy every con you attend as much as I enjoyed this one.

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azuregold · 8 years ago

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(struggling to figure out how to ask all of them... also obv no spoilers ;u;) okay for character specific questions: 13 I don't think I've questioned any character's actions so ┐( シ)┌ 14 I guess Zoro?? maybe Travis 21 tell me about the human experiences of Luffy! 22 Zoro 30 eh just ramble about the Straw Hats living human lives? 42, 43, 49 & 50 all of the crew when they were in Earthverse !

These were fun! Well, most of them. For questions 21, 30, 42, 43, 49, and 50…they aren't things I've thought too much about before. I'm not in the right frame of mind to try at the moment and I didn't want to let the ask sit there unanswered until I did manage to think of something, so I'm just going to go ahead and skip them for now, sorry! ^^;

1: what inspires you?

Having a good idea I can be excited about? IDK. X'D

2: one of your favorite comments/reviews on this chapter/verse?

I love all my comments. ;u; I love the comments that go into detail about what they thought, the comments that are just a mess of flailing, the comments that tell me they stayed up all night reading, the comments that are just a line or two to say they liked it, and everything in between. Even if I could decide on one to use as an example, I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like I didn't appreciate their comment because it didn't look like that one.

3: what motivates you?

Being excited about an idea, getting to write a part I've been looking forward to, getting a nice comment on a fic, having the house to myself.

4: what time of the day/night do you like to write?

Either afternoon or at night once my mom's gone to bed.

5: do you write scenes in a linear fashion or do you write future scenes/dialogues sometimes?

I'll write snippets of future scenes if I think of something I don't want to lose, but otherwise I write pretty much linearly (aside from going back to rewrite previous scenes/chapters).

6: hardest/easiest character to write for?

I don't know if any of them are easy, exactly. It also depends on the scene and what they're going to be doing. Sometimes I know exactly how they'll behave, and sometimes I just can't picture how a character would react to a particular event or line of dialogue.

But generally Zoro isn't too bad. (Also Travis, because he's my character, though that still doesn't mean I know how he'll respond to things all the time, unfortunately.) Hardest is probably Flirty!Sanji and Franky. I've never tried writing from Franky's point of view, but he's hard enough from someone else's that I'm not eager to try. Chopper and Robin aren't too bad from someone else's POV, but I think I might have trouble writing from theirs. And Luffy can be difficult occasionally, depending on the situation. (Also Sven is hard, even though he’s my character.)

7: hardest/easiest verse to write for?

Well, I only have one at the moment, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Though once I actually start writing some of my other ideas, I have a feeling Mistyverse will still be the easiest, just because I've been working in it for so long.

8: (if you have either or both) how do you manage time with writing, work, school etc.?

Very badly. ^^;; I'm terrible at time management.

9: what tv shows, books, or movies inspire for this verse, if any?

Story-wise, I can't think of anything specific (there may have been and I've just forgotten, but). Character-wise, Archer from Fate/Stay Night and Furuya Rei/Amuro Tōru/Bourbon from Detective Conan were a big influence when I was developing Travis.

10: any writing advice?

I don't feel confident enough to give advice to other people, haha.

11: (if you use) what do you like about archiveofourown?

The tag system. It can be very helpful in finding a certain subject or giving me a better idea of what the fic is about. Also the "mark for later" option. And the ability to have a series. It makes it much easier not to miss things when there are multiple fics in a story. And I like that the author isn't sent a notice when someone subscribes/can’t see the names of people who have subscribed. I feel much less awkward about subscribing to fics that are years old or about a very guilty pleasure. :P

12: anything you would do to make archiveofourown different/change it?

I…kind of have a list…

– Add a way to sort subscriptions by fandom! Sometimes I want to reread fic for a particular series and if I don't remember the title(s), going through multiple pages of fics and opening them one by one is such a pain.

– Give us a way to mark main vs. minor characters and relationships in fics. It's really annoying searching for fics about a certain character or pairing and getting dozens of fics that focus on someone/thing else entirely, with whatever you were looking for getting maybe a couple of scenes in the background. I've seen authors try to tag things to indicate this themselves, but most (including me ^^; ) don't do it, and in any case, I'd like an actual option I can mark in a search.

– It'd be cool to be able to put spoiler warnings on tags. Click to view, highlight, something.

– Filter IDs are very helpful, but it would be so much easier if we could just click a button to exclude things like explicit fics, “multi” fics (I’m so tired of being overrun with smutty “multi” fics when I search for “gen” without a filter), NOTPs, fandoms I don’t like…and so on.

– Being able to choose whether or not crossovers are included in the search results. I like a good crossover, but sometimes I just want fics for the one series.

– Don’t have author replies count under total number of comments. Also a PM system would be nice.

(If any of this is possible and it’s just that I don’t know about it, someone please tell me. X’D)

14: what is the arc for this character (redemption, etc.)?

I find it hard to put things like this into words (and I don't want to give spoilers), so…I'm going to pass on this as well. ^^;

15: ask me any spoilers you’re curious about for a verse, and i’ll post the answer in the tags

I'm glad you didn't ask for any because usually I love giving spoilers but we're far enough into the story now that most things I could say are Big Spoilers for the climax/ending that I really don't want to give away ahead of time. So thanks for not tempting me. XD

16: do you ever hand write? why or why not?

Once in a long while, if I think of a line I don't want to forget after I've turned my computer off, I'll jot it down on a notepad so I'll remember it the next day. Otherwise, no. My handwriting is slow as molasses and makes my hand tired. ^^;

17: do you listen to music while you write?

Almost always. 8D Just instrumentals, though.

18: any fanmixes you’ve made for this fic/verse?

Not really, no. I have a playlist I use when I'm writing scenes with Travis, and I'm working on one for fight scenes in general, but that's the closest I've got.

19: any edits or art you’ve made for this fic/verse/any edits readers have made? if not, what visuals would you use for one?

All the art I've posted for Mistyverse is here (If I get any fanart in the future, that's where it will be, too). I have quite a bit of art I haven't posted, mostly of Travis or unfinished attempts to draw specific scenes (I have an attempted map of the island in OtMS that I'm too embarrassed to look at again X'D).

20: what songs were you listening to during this scene/chapter?Mostly I just shuffle my giant instrumental playlist. Or if I'm in the mood for something new, I go looking on YouTube or similar places for writing playlists. As far as music for specific scenes/chapters, I think I pretty much covered that in question 13 here.

22: favorite line/quote/inner monologue from this character?

Zoro… At the moment, probably:

Zoro's heart had nearly stopped when he'd seen those hands. Or it would have, if he'd still had one.

Damn it, when did I start stealing Brook's lines?

23: feelings on epistolary fic?

It can be interesting. c: I like it best when letters/diary entries/whatever are mixed with more traditional narrative, but they can make for a fun story.

24: do you outline?

Yep! Not super-detailed outlines, usually, but I prefer having some sense of where things are going.

25: if you outline, do you edit it frequently?

Not that often, no. I don't think I've even looked at the outline for FMaA in a while, actually, because things got very vague toward the end, outside of a few specifics, and I have most of the necessary info in my head at this point.

26: anything you’re planning to write in your fic that you’re worried readers might like?

I think this is supposed to be "that you're worried readers might not like". Because otherwise…why would someone liking my stuff make me worried? Barring creepy stalkers and the like. Assuming it's "not"…

Ohhh yeah. I might hide under the covers for about a week when I post those parts… X’D

27: when you read fic, how often do you comment?

Not…very often. ;;OTL I know how much comments mean to writers, especially now that I've had firsthand experience, but I still find it a difficult thing to do. And lately, when I do comment, more often than not I do it anonymously, even if all I have to say is praise. It's just more comfortable for me that way. If I leave a signed in comment, it usually means I really liked the fic.

28: any scene/line you wrote that you didn’t expect to write/that surprised you once it was written?

Uhh…first thing that comes to mind is when they were at the museum and got roped into playing themselves. I had planned for their disguises to be seen through and for it to be assumed that they were cosplaying, but the rest of it just sort of happened. Including Maya; I knew she was going to be in the story, but I didn’t know she was going to be on that island or working at the museum until she showed up in the fruit room. X’D I don’t even remember how I was originally going to introduce her, except that it was going to be a lot closer to the end.

29: do you eat or drink anything while you write?

Not while I'm writing, but I like to have a drink and sometimes a snack before I start. Most often chai. It helps me get in the mood.

32: what are your stats for this story/verse?

Is…this supposed to mean, like…number of kudos/comments/hits. etc? If it means something else, someone tell me and I'll adjust my answer. :P

Just doing the two main fics (and on FFN the shorts are part of OtMS anyway, so):

On the Misty Shore

AO3 �� Kudos: 75, Comments: 11, Bookmarks: 10, Hits: 1350

FFN – Reviews: 86, Favorites: 165, Followers: 63, Communities: 1, Views: 21,005

From Mist and Ashes

AO3 – Kudos: 117, Comments: 37, Bookmarks: 17, Hits: 1739

FFN – Reviews: 94, Favorites: 101, Followers: 129, Views: 11.433

33: favorite one-shot you’ve written?

Ah…hmm. I haven't actually written any one-shots as in "self-contained, stand-alone story" yet (I have plans!). Out of the one-shot extras that I wrote for Mistyverse…maybe Proof? It was the most self-indulgent of the three and the most fun to write.

34: a scene/paragraph you wrote that you’re proud of

I'm pretty happy with most of the stuff in chapters 18 and 19…and the scene in 16 where Zoro reveals himself��and Zoro and Travis’s fight in the museum in 15…and probably more that I’m not thinking of, but I’m not going to reread the whole thing again right now. :P

35: any foreshadowing/symbolism you wrote that you hope readers didn’t miss?

Yes, but at the same time I hope most people don't put the pieces together until things get revealed later.

36: any scenes you wrote that parallel the canon verse?

I guess maybe the stuff with Zoro and Chidori in 17? Kind of?

37: do you use quotes in the beginning notes/intro to your chapters? if so, what are some of your favorites/what are their significance?

Nope, I don't.

38: do you title your chapters? what’s your favorite chapter title? what’s its significance/why did you choose it?

Yes, I love titling chapters. Even when I can't think of anything good. Favorite chapter title is definitely Law and Order. Because it has a double meaning/pun (the structure and rules of Whitestone + Law showing up at the end).

39: any alternate fic titles you were considering for this verse?

I had a couple others I was playing with, at least for FMaA, but who knows what they were? Not me. XD

40: chapter you’re most proud of in this verse?

At the moment, I'd say it's a tossup between 15, 16, 18, and 19.

41: chapter that was the most fun to write in this verse?

Hmm. 12 was the easiest, and it's always fun when I'm not struggling with a chapter. The whole arc on Crinia (chapters 13 – 15) was pretty fun, even when it got difficult. 18 – 19, too. And I felt like chapter 20 was crap while I was writing it, but it was silly fun, and it doesn't seem as terrible when I reread it now.

44: have you shared your outline with anyone? if so, what did they think of it?

The outline itself, no. Parts of it are pretty different from what I actually ended up writing; it might be fun to share some of it sometime. c:

45: anyone you share excerpts with?

*pokes you* And I've posted a few here before, too. They're usually pretty short, though. Just a line or two.

46: story with the most kudos (AO3)?

From Mist and Ashes.

47: story with the most comments?

From Mist and Ashes again. :P

48: a happy future moment you’ve written/have planned for this ship? (will post under read more for spoilers)

*ignores the "ship" part* Hmm…I have no idea if I'll ever actually write it, but in my list of ideas for FMaA bonus scenes I have one where Zoro cooks for everyone (just because he can't eat anymore doesn't mean he can't cook—he lived on that island by himself for a long time before he died, after all). Also (for the benefit of anyone else reading this), sircerenade and I have discussed Brook and Zoro bonding over stuff before (being "grandpa figures", sharing skull/ghost jokes, etc.). Some of it may be more bittersweet than happy, but it’s a cute bittersweet, so.

#From Mist and Ashes

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