#I mean there’s some discussion of sad stuff but it’s more context for the happy

[umeji-writes]

I would like to talk about the Music Festival arc - aka my favorite Mairuma arc until now. I love them all tbh, this is just very close to my heart for several reasons. [cw: non-suggestive discussion of s*x; if you are a s*x-repulsed asexual person you are very much welcome to interact, but this may not be the post for you, take care and proceed with caution ♡ edit: I'm uncensoring the words from here onwards thanks to a kind anon's suggestion] To make it short, I love that the main theme of this arc is pleasure, and the desire for it. Honestly, it's very horny - but not in a slimy or creepy way, which is sadly quite rare in my experience. The appreciation for pleasure coming from love (also platonic love) is there in several layers. First, the plot itself, as Lilith cries out her desire to find "a love that burns like fire". She is not satisfied by most pretenders, and especially this frame spoke to me:

Because... Well... It's so true. I am an adult, and I had my share of sexual partners. The expressions people make irl are not always aesthetically pleasing, but who cares! We are told to strive to be always attractive, but in those moments of intimacy it's really not important, not as much as being fully present and enjoying the moment! Then, can we talk about Kalego please?

I mean, Nishi here went all out and didn't even try to hide her fascination for ...discipline:

(and to be fully clear: I am NOT implying there is sexual tension between Kalego and his students, I am only referring to him!!!) When I saw the whip I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course in that context it's not used that way, but it's very much recognizable as an adult tool... But more on this later. Finally, I really like that the Misfits are growing up and finding out new things about themselves. They are characterized as high school students (even if we don't know how old they actually are), which is when humans tend to have their first experiences and explore their sexualities. They are building together this beautiful show full of emotions and desire, and honestly performing with other people is really an amazing feeling (I am a former musician and theater actor - let me tell you, every performance was fire). Look at their faces: from here...

...to here.

They are shocked, but happy! And definitely feeling ...feelings. And here is my main takeaway: I am really, really sad that sex is a taboo topic in our society, and when there's something about sex, it's mostly treated in a very bad way. This includes sex scenes in generic-audience movies, which I tend to dislike... I hate that sex is handled like a dirty and secret thing. I hate that sex is mostly treated as something that has to do with power imbalance and taking advantage of someone else, usually men that "want to do stuff TO" women (nonbinary individuals like myself not found) - and too often not in a hot and consensual way. I hate that social media are becoming more and more sex-hostile, because investors fear these topics, and use children as a shield to justify limiting contents for adults as well. I hate that sexual education is mainly reserved for talking about pregnancies and, if the students are lucky, prevention of STDs. Solo or reciprocal pleasure? Consent? Treating it as a normal part of life for many people (and not ALL, again, asexual people exist)??? Naaaah, why do that, when you can make people feel shame and embarassment and perpetuate trauma. Again, I am a grown-up now, and while this is legal and everything, I was conditioned to feel some level of shame nonetheless when talking about it irl (which I am working on). The whip I was writing about before (and the kneeling scene afterward)? It was a revolution in my brain. "So... That's a thing we can do...?"

(like that) I plan on doing some adult drawings in the future, but there's a part of me that resists the idea, because adult entertainment usually involves some level of dehumanization... But you know what? I want to take it back and make it about pleasure and enjoyment as it should be. Tbh, I could write a whole essay on the causes for all of the above and how they interact (patriarchy, capitalism, religions as power institutions, etc.), but this is not the place. So I'll just say that I am really, really grateful to Nishi for including this arc in a manga for a young audience, as those are important years to build a healthy relationship with pleasure and one's own body. And as Sullivan said...

I'm very much convinced that Nishi is doing a great job at sending messages for inclusion and social equality in M!IK, taking the role of educator herself. (Other reasons why I love the Music Festival arc are: Soi's story, Clara and Azz becoming closer, Iruma learning the piano, the appreciation of music itself, the immaculate art and more, but that's for another post!!!)

[genderfluid-info-blog]

I'm genderfaun, and it kinda makes me scared to express myself, people might not think i'm really trans or stop using he/him pronouns on me (most people dont use them) But do you have any tips?

Hi, my best tip would be this: seek community and surround yourself with love/support.

The sad reality of being trans is that sooner or later you will meet someone who will disrespect you and question your right to exist. But the more stable your environment and your support system is and the more you're confident in yourself, the better you can cope with those moments and encounters. So as I said:

If possible, build a reliable support system. This can consist of people (like friends and/or family), pets/animals, but also hobbys and online communities

Never force yourself to come out. If you do not feel safe enough or simply don't want to, you don't have to come out to anyone.

Try and seek community. You could for example join a local queer group (if available), but if you can't/don't want to, you can also interact with your community in other ways! Whether you interact with the community online, watch videos of trans creators, read books or listen to songs- could be anything! But interacting with your community can make you feel less alone and also give you confidence over time :)

I know it's way easier said than done, but try and build confidence. Expressing yourself can be scary, but the first step to it is self-acceptance. You can build confidence overtime and in smaller steps: It doesn't have to be anything drastic in the beginning. Find something small (like a jewellery/accessory, hairstyle etc) and go from there. Slowly push your limits, you don't have to change everything at once!

Try and experiment. Figure out what you like and what makes you happy/comfortable. The way to do this differs from person to person. Some people prefer trying out new things in familiar environments, others prefer to go out (to the library, a shop, pharmacy etc) -> but this is a good way to try out new clothes, names etc

As for your pronouns: this obviously depends on your environment and relationship to the person, but as long as it's possible and safe for you to do so, be upfront and assertive. Tell them what pronouns they should use for you and assert it multiple times if they don't use them

And never forget that you don't have to disclose anything to people if you're not comfortable! Using micro labels often means that people inevitably have more questions, that's why I also don't always disclose my exact labels to people (most of the time I just tell them I'm genderfluid, and even that is something I often have to explain).

But I found that many people are just uneducated on the topic and often an explanation is all they need, although this obviously depends on context and environment! I personally never argue with transphobes, doesn't matter whether they themselves are cis or trans, if someone has set their mind on the fact that micro labels/genderfluidity are not real/valid, I just walk away, and I would recommend you to do the same! Do not waste your energy on people who don't want to change their minds, it'll only affect you negatively. Instead, stop the discussion and try to regulate yourself as soon as possible. Over time, you'll grow more confident in your gender and you'll be less affected by stuff like this :)

And remember, give yourself time. It's perfectly okay to be scared and to not have it all figured out. Try and focus more on yourself and less on what others think of you. You're enough the way you are <3

[penguinpeace]

Credit: The content below is from here. Nothing important I just find it interesting to read lol.

The world that you experience is an illusion. But an illusion is not absolutely unreal. It is just relatively unreal.

To get a clearer understanding, you’ll have to understand the simple concept of relativity. For example, if we all have a meetup one day, and I say “Alex is a young man”. It is a relative statement. It simply means amongst all of us, Alex is relatively young. But there is always someone younger or older than Alex in the world. He is not the absolutely youngest man to exist. His youth is relative to the context in which I spoke.

Similarly, when we describe our experience, reality is also talked about relatively. For example, if you’re dreaming and you wake up, you would say “I woke up to reality.” You say that because the world you woke up to is relatively real(er) than the dream.

But does that mean the dream was unreal?

No, not absolutely unreal.

You still felt actual emotions like happiness, sadness, and horror in the dream. But it was just relatively unreal compared to the waking world. Similarly, while discussing non-duality, when someone says the world is unreal, it doesn’t mean absolutely unreal. It just means relatively less real compared to absolute reality.

What is absolute reality then?

Absolute reality is the foundational basis of experiences in the waking world. Just like the waking world is the foundational basis of the dream world.

And just like a monster in the dream scares the hell out of you. The pain inflicted in the waking world is also serious suffering.

But, can the world be unreal then?

The world is an illusion, but…Illusion does not mean Absolutely Unreal

Every lie is rooted in truth.

If a mother asks a child “Did you go to the school today?” and the child lies “I did go to school today“. His lie is based on some truths. The truth of the school’s existence, his being enrolled in the school, and the day being today. Yet he fabricated a lie based on these truths. One can say he painted a lie on the fabric of truth.

As an experiment, try making up an absolute lie. One that has no connection to reality. You won’t be able to make one up.

Illusions are similar to lies. They are always rooted in reality. An illusion of a mirage in the desert appears like water. It is based on the reality of the desert, and the reality of the light. Yet the illusion appears like water, because of the hot air near the sand reflecting the light. The illusion is just painted on the fabric of reality.

Something absolutely unreal can have no existence whatsoever. Not even in your imagination.

This breakdown below should make it even clearer.

Absolutely Real: Non-Dual Truth. The foundational reality.

Relatively Unreal: Duality. Everything that you experience in the waking world.

Even more Relatively Unreal: A layer of experience on top of a waking world like Opinions, Movies, Dreams, and Imaginary stuff.

Absolutely unreal: Does not exist. Can’t be experienced. There has to be a bit of reality for anything to exist. Even an imaginary character is not absolutely unreal. It is based on some aspect of reality.

The reality or unreality of the world depends on what you compare it with. When you compare it with the absolute truth, the waking world is relatively unreal. And when you compare it with lesser realities like a dream or a movie, it is relatively real.

I hope you will ponder on this, and move towards realizing the foundation of this illusion. Absolute non-dual truth.

[spurgie-cousin]

Reading your post abt Jill never posting personal stuff abt her kids, I feel like every time one of her kids (as well as other fundies but they’re the clearest example) get engaged or married I always think: what do you see in them? Like not in a mean way, but it just feels like every shred of personality has been stolen from these people, like they’re genuinely all the same person. Same interests (Jesus and church), same quiet sweetness, same wants and desires (babies and babies), same opinions on every topic. It honestly just feels like Nathan could’ve married Kaylee and Jonathan could’ve married Nurie and they would’ve been equally happy. idk it just makes me sad that if you asked Nathan what he likes abt Nurie he probably wouldn’t be able to say anything unique to her, just that she’s a sweet helpmeet who loves Jesus. not that she’s goofy or also a big sports fan or sarcastic or whatever

Yea I mean you hit the nail on the head. Idk if what I'm going to say next is obvious or not, because I just don't have any context for a child/teenage hood without a Christian influence, but in my world there totally was an ideal way to be for women and men and it had very little to do with individual characteristics.

I see a more concentrated version of it in the fundie world, for women it's being happy, upbeat, benign, outgoing (but not too much), extremely dedicated to religion and studying the Bible, modest, and as close to the conventional standard of beauty as you can possibly get. Hobbies outside of anything church related should be practical in some other way and very rarely just your own enjoyment. And if you're ever discussing feelings outside of joy, you have to keep it shallow and generalized and always have an optimistic spin (usually something to do with how everything's ok bc it's God's plan etc etc the ex-christians out there know the spiel).

So when looking for your future spouse, regardless of your gender, you're first looking for someone who meets the Godly Man or Woman criteria. Whether you get along with someone is important too, but it's secondary to the first thing. It'd be better to have a Godly spouse than one you had tons in common with who didn't meet that criteria, if that makes sense.

So in that kind of dating environment, the more the person you're dating is like all the women or men you know (at least the ones you respect) the more desirable they actually are, ya know? Because there's a very cut and dry definition of the kind of person everyone should be, and anyone too different is then just inherently not a Good person.

[ask-chaosfam-neo]

Welcome everyone to Neo's personal ASKBLOG!!

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->Where we shall discuss everything from favorite things to munch on to whatever happened while at the Nexus :D

a drawing is meant to be here just gimme a minute to finish it teehee

--SOME QUICK RULES BEFORE WE START--

I feel like every askblog needs to have a set of them, so here you have some really (i guess) basic rules

1.- THE IMPORTANT INFORMATION

This is an oc AskBlog taking place in an OC centric Rise of the TMNT apocalypse AU in which earthlings managed to get the upper hand before and at the moment of the apocalypse that happens in the first segment of the movie, leading to much more of a "normal" life while still in the ruins and in imminent danger thanks to the Krang. My OC is in this universe alongside some of my friends' OCs that started this AU, some of them have followed my lead and created askblogs for themselves :D I'll leave links to them right here if you wanna check them out (will update as more askblogs are created)

Dahlia a.k.a. the mother &lt;3

Sho a.k.a. the other (technically first) grumpy emo child

Tysk a.k.a. the sweetest sister :3

Glitzi a.k.a. sciencey chaos child

!!!! I WOULD LIKE TO STRESS THAT THIS BLOG IN BOTH THE ROTTMNT AND OC LORE CONTEXT IS SEMI-CANON !!!! Anything that happens here is affected by pre-established lore but may not necessarily affect future events! so I don't have to worry about timeline issues lmao My sona might make some appearances too from time to time so if you see a star themed gremlin from time to time that's me hiii :D

2.- THE MUSE/CHARACTER

Neo "Turmoil" Sone Cruz, my silly RotTMNT hybrid oc that you'll get to uncover lore of as the askblog progresses! Basic information would be that they were a child fighter at the Nexus from 8-13 years old, escaped, and much later in life at 17 got adopted by the Kaylus family. Now, at the age of 19, they're moody and sarcastic mostly but for this blog they get to be a bit more laid-back since most of the sad stuff has already happened to them. most of them.

3.- THE MUN/OWNER

DeesOhTee/superneovastar which is ME!! and just me (for now unless a friend offers to co-manage the blog or smth)

4.- MY BOUNDARIES N STUFF

No NSFW pls!!! even though the character is not a minor I'd feel very iffy since this character is still very much a teen and means a lot to me personally :)

Anything that makes me uncomfortable will be rightfully deleted.

If you have any questions that are not related to my OC directly but more like the worldbuilding or me the creator, ask away! Also counts for any confusion you might have about these rules but AS ALWAYS be decent about it and don't be a weirdo ty :3

5.- ASK AND ANONS

1. One question per ask please! You may have two only if they’re directly related.

2. M!A is allowed, to a degree. M!As need to be something that could reasonably happen in the apocalypse and mystic context of Rise. For example, if the situation allows it, something like “Neo loses connection while on a mission” or "Neo accidentally stumbles upon a stash of mystic potions and shenanigans ensue" would be allowed. If it's a rlly creative ask maybe I'll give it a chance for the sake of "the funnie and the sillie"

3. IF YOU ARE GLITZI you may have a pass for M!As but only if you run it thru me personally beforehand. But nothing too wild and please always think about stuff that would, again, fit in the context (plushies and alt timelines r fine with me cus i love them as long as u follow these rules :3).

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Given these rules into consideration, I wish you a happy time asking away ur most ridiculous questions to my wet cat of a character :) have fun!!

[hmm-dont-know-really]

This blog is 18+, minors please block & dni

Rules:

No minors, no exceptions.

This is a nsfw blog and I'm bad at tagging, if you need your dash to be totally sfw or have triggers that need to be tagged absolutely every time, just don't follow. Interacting is still fine.

I block people based on their behavior, not their identifiers.

Asks and dms are open. Dms slightly preferred because I usually have clairifying questions. Its fine to just message me, I don't care if we've been interacting or not.

Info:

It's complicaited but I'm a cis bi woman for statistical purposes.

I'm almost 30, not looking for anything more than being friends if you're a lot younger than me.

I've got quite a bit of experience with kink & femdom (F/m), and I'm always happy to answer educational questions about those things, but I'm really here to talk to other queer people, not cis men.

I don't hate men tho, and this is not a "men dni" blog, if that bothers you feel free to block me.

Related to that, to me the point of femdom is systematic gender fuckery and destruction of the binary - in the context of my cis "het" relationships at least, might be down for selectively reinforcing the binary in gender affirming ways. If the kink we're doing doesn't ritually eviscerate at least one oppressive social structure, I don't want it.

If you want me to be talking about you when I talk about boys, then yes I'm talking about you; "boy" is a vibe to me, its not about gender or parts.

I'm autistic and I don't understand what a lot of wlw words mean, not enough to really use them. Anyone who wants to help me understand is welcome to my dms and a reward of their choice, everyone else can shut up and think about the pervasive ableism in the queer community before judging.

Generally when it comes to sex I'm into sub guys, sad wet pathetic little men, pretty boys (all boys are pretty), masc nonbinary and genderfucky people, and sometimes women if there's a power dynamic (usually a slightly toxic one), if they could defeat me, or if we're performing intricate rituals. Also I fall for other autistic girls hard and easily in a QPR way.

Look, I am a dom/top type person, but I am also shy as fuck, and I don't like persuing people when its not super clear they're into it. If you want me to give you horny attention, you gotta give some kind of consent. Posts addressed to the void or doms in general don't count.

I don't think I'm all that edgy in the grand scheme of things, but I've been around long enough to know that the distinction between "gentle" and "hard" kinks is purity culture crap. If you're still on that shit you're not gonna have a good time here.

A few things I can promise won't be here: excessive gore, (what I consider to be) body horror, needles, death, race play, disability fetishism, scat and vomit, and most "family" stuff (I allow the occasional title if its not the main focus of the post).

Things that probably will be here: femdom, queer and "straight" seeming stuff mixed together, fat positivity, hornyposting, some serious/political stuff, discussions about kink, horny fanfic, pretty kink toys and gear, autism posting, memes, etc.

[brianil]

Open letter to all the i/e SHAN /T

Hello eshan you were my first friend with a unique name, I didn't even know the meaning of your name until now. I don't know why but I called you peasant, well I remember the context was in Social studies class where we learned about opium farming. i don't even know why we broke up, but I always felt you were my friend, Even today I guess. I think I saw you pic doing dj or something , it looks so cool. I hope you are doing amazing in life, I knew you could do so, well it sucks to be not be aware about it but, I am happy for you.

hehe, i wrote a letter earlier too and maybe that's the reason I feel less emotional right now but more in serenity if its the right word. Well, I will always do a good deed in your name on your birthday, and that would be my token of friendship that I owe you or something.

Peace:

Yo, Ishant

you were the second guy i felt conflicted about the name. Name is a unique character so I can't force myself to remember only one eshan in life, ( context : there was disney India show where eshan a school student (hero) a sad story but singer .... ) so this name has lot of history with me, But well you were different, so super cool and I felt its worth to remember your name. Its not like I choose whose to remember or not, sometimes there are names I never wanna remember but they sting like a bee In my memory or just take cache space in my mind.

i feel like my 3 years of graduation went into just knowing names and saying his at least once.

if i could redo my graduation life, i will definetely keep my ears shut from three guys and avoid 2-3 and manage my time around you, katana(saber) and buddha group. Might give a cool group a try too. well that's spent curd something no, spilled milk? anyway, I like the courage, positivity, clarity and wisdom, special point humanity within you. I don't know the vices of yours but I am okay being in ignorance. I definitely won't mind being your friend but I don't know, I feel there is some sort of vibe I feel I have, its better to be someone I know than to be complete stranger but also not too close as best friends.

well this is not really a letter to discuss stuff that has to be explored in therapy but, I hope you stay cool and achieve every damn goal of your life. I will cheer for you from the spectator seat.

till next time i need to increase my vocab adios

hii ishant, i had contact with in brief, you are a writer or at that time, and I asked you to review my poem and you added a word horizon into that and I went with it, well sad story short ... i think I lost your mail id and there was no more contact but well man you were doing great at the time and I hope you continued and that's shall be all.

bye. Brianil

[lewyn-martell]

i guess i'm gonna use this opportunity to babble on about this since the topic has been raised in the tags... i was going to wait or maybe just not do it since i was limited to 10 gifs and this is only a fraction of the great webweaving you can do with this movie... but whatever ksjdnkjs

one thing to get out of the way... i hope we can all agree that pádraic is a grown man. colm is not out there twisting his arm to be snappy to everyone around him because of his broken heart... and when colm is shown to be considerate, it's not because pádraic is such a nice man that he can get it out of him on those moments specifically. and when pádraic is mean it's not on colm because he is supposedly oh so mean... i know this is probably not exactly what was meant, but it's an underlying feeling in that i get from discussions of this movie and i did this gifset precisely because people get way too caught up on pádraic poor nice boy and colm mean old dick.

'niceness' and the lack of it are tied very closely with mental health in this movie. the Before for these characters involves: pádraic being a 'nice' 'happy' lad even if dull, i.e. (in this context), shallow of thought: will never do introspection. thinks these bad things should be just pushed down for the sake of appearances and cordiality. we are men who meet at 2 o'clock to go to the pub and talk about nothing. we don't read sad books else we might get sad and discover a thing or two about ourselves that could be unpleasant. he is basically the epitome of the this is fine dog meme.

colm is an older man who we soon learn has been wallowing in despair and now dealing with the fact that his life is nearing its end. he is an artist (also described as a 'thinker') and that probably feels like the only thing he is good at (or good for) when his head is as messed up as it is. he lives on a tiny boring island filled with "nice" judgy people who have no qualms about whispering about each other's business (especially if it's bad stuff) while at the same time covering up things too hard to look in the face in the name of the social and personal order of the everything is fine agenda.

i understand why people might think colm just woke up and decided to spring up to pádraic the end of their friendship since we're watching the movie from pádraic's perspective. but it becomes clear throughout the movie that colm cares and feels for him and is not acting on a mindless whim. the audience has to then imagine what kind of things go on his head to drive him to such drastic choices. we don't ever have a full end-all-be-all explanation, but he makes a few things on his mind known and we can draw some conclusions: he doesn't feel at peace in his normal routine and has even been talking to the priest about this despair that is getting worse while his life dwindles. he considers composing music his last line of defense against the seemingly meaningless pit his life will have amounted to, because if people can't see his heart now, maybe he can buy himself more metaphorical time by leaving something for the ones who come later. maybe for them to enjoy and connect to, same as it is for him and old musicians. this is a man at the end of his rope dealing with one hell of a depression.

and while colm takes his anguish and tries to separate himself from people to deal with it, pádraic is so unequipped to deal with his own sadness and loneliness he blows it up to everyone around him. he was still (and might've even stayed there forever, if it wasn't for this incident) on the stage of denying it's there at all. i think colm might even have underestimated both how much pádraic feels for him and how far he is willing to take things because of it. the loneliness it brings forth ends up being too overwhelming for him to do what he usually does.

and the even better thing about this movie is: it's not simply one man's misery rubbing off on the other. colm's own way of dealing with it evolves - or devolves, however you choose to see it - the more pádraic's touches him back and the more he realizes his initial decision was no magic fix. because there is a difference colm had no way of knowing and regulating between facing his own sadness and allowing it to fully take over. we realize music isn't working when he threatens to cut his fingers off (another situation in which colm chooses to harm himself rather than anyone else btw. not all altruistic, of course, but an example of how his decision making works). it ends up being a relief to him, because i think he was putting way too much pressure on himself and chasing the wrong solutions.

but they are way past any return point. because pádraic has realized niceness is one of the first casualties when you are in the middle of despair, if you're not mature enough or don't have energy enough to prevent it. and here i mean both the, uh, duty of keeping up appearances - in a less cynical way, having the emotional space to be pleasant to others without letting your misery leak, as is expected in this context - and the more earnest interpretation it's also there of choosing or being able to cultivate friendship and see Good Meaning in human connection, with all its flaws and complications.

so pádraic's been chasing his fix of getting colm back in his life again, and he slowly grows into the notion that he has to be not truthful, not vulnerable, but harsh. in his mind, the only path he has is channeling his sadness into anger and turn whatever they have left dragging on behind them into some toxic morph of love and hate and resentment and, honestly, some kind of pure entertainment to not lose their damn minds. pádraic takes a look at colm digging his own abyss and decides that he'll show him what an abyss truly is by smashing theirs together until it doesn't even matter how it started. we are never getting out. he can't allow himself to be the oblivious happy lad, he has been forced to face what he's been always pushing down and because of what colm said, he can't afford to be dull. it's not a fully coherent thought, but in his mind, this is the way for them to connect now and he will make sure that this bond is never severed since it seems more sturdy and steady than the complicated vulnerable position of simply dealing with love in its positive sense. and colm eats it up, of course, because it was his insanity with pádraic that was filling his days and even giving him the feeling needed to write music. it was their miseries touching each other that started to give him a better answer: it was human connection after all. while before pádraic and him were mismatched, now they are on the same page and they both see each other better.

in a way, simplifying the themes, i also see this movie as one man rushing to catch up with the other, but running so hard and fast he takes them both past any kind of happy middle, that was a nearly impossible concept with them living when and where they do anyway. and it ends up being miserable but also born out of a mixed-up desire and necessity to face difficult and ugly things. and sure, it's not dealt with in any healthy sense, but it's also not gone. two fucked up men make their situation even more fucked up in order not to lose each other. and they might be just entertaining themselves until comes the inevitable, but isn't that what we all do on this earth anyways.

You used to be nice. Or did you never used to be? Oh God. Maybe you never used to be.

THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN (2022) dir. Martin McDonagh

[romijuli]

Not to be Sappy On Main but in the lead up to friendcon I was like “oh god what if I’m ANNOYING what if they end up HATING ME and then about ten seconds after we all met up that anxiety just VANISHED 🥺

Over the years I’ve been gifted with a number of…not very good friendships….which kinda color my experiences of hanging out with people (it mostly just leads to the above anxiety) but it was SO NICE to not have to worry about that for once

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[hulloitsdani]

This. This is why Kiran Fire Emblem has taken over my brain.

So some setup: as mentioned previously some time or another, I enjoy creatively tinkering with Fire Emblem Heroes’ writing. It’s a fun exercise getting to work with characters and plot beats I wouldn’t personally make. I think I’ve gotten significantly better at it too, in much the same way my art around this game has. I understand it more, I suppose.

As a result, this wonderful happy accident happened. I finally found the running theme of FEH’s characters (and thus its wider narrative as a whole).

They are all lonely.

The bad type of lonely. The dangerous kind. The one that can kill if you are not careful. And they are all infected with it, in one way or another. Alfonse and Veronica are our most blatant examples; their self isolating behaviors being obvious. Veronica spits on extended olive branches on principle based on who offers them and Alfonse was so traumatized by the last time he opened up that he now champions self isolation as being the most logical option. They are then confronted by Lif and Thasir, the natural conclusion to where that behavior will lead them. The personification of the loneliness that kills. Defeat them, or everything that matters will die.

It doesn’t quite get so blatant spelled out past that moment, but the idea never quite goes away. It’s the vice grip Hel has Eir under, what lifetimes of neglect threatens to do to Seiðr, what was passed down so many times in their family that it become truly genetic in Bruno and Letizia, and what our protagonists fight so hard to save Reginn from in the face of losing everything. And, oh, just the entirety of book 4. Super the thesis of book 4.

The only two characters not quite part of this dynamic is Kiran, who isn’t allowed to be a character in-game (pain), and Anna, who intelligence systems glosses over in the same way they did Sharena for a long time (more pain). Both of them have the capacity to expand this theme even further. It’s some of my favorite parts to explore when both drawing and writing for this game.

This overall discussion is what I believe to be the crux of Kiran’s loneliness that kills. The natural consequence of being isekaied is an extremely bad bout of culture shock. Not in a cutesy way either, like Kiran not understanding the phrasing of something or comedically missing the tone of a conversation without having the inherent context as everyone else. While that may be true, Kiran can take actions to fix that. No, it’s the reverse that’s the problem. Since Kiran is the foreigner here, there’s not always an effort to try to understand them in that way. And even if there is, no one has any real metric to fully understand. They are from a world so inconceivably alien to the people of Askr that their explanations can only go so far.

This leaves them isolated in a way they don’t have the words for and is not easy to fix. They just have to deal with this empty feeling. To get up and move on because there’s more important things to be worried about. Eventually, it all gets rather tiring to keep dealing with. They no longer bother to clarify what they mean when someone gets confused. Decide to remove it from their speech to avoid the issue all together. And while they’re there, some other stuff can go too. Fears, doubts, crippling homesickness, the empty feeling— no one needs to know that. Swallow it. All of it. Let the bile roll in their gut. It’s nauseating at first but over time— no. In the face of death? It barely requires forethought. And no one notices. Not until some goddess of nightmares finally rips the mask off and reveals just how good they got at pretending to be someone, anyone, else.

And man, that’s sad. It’s all sad, really! I try hard to not change any major plot beat in FEH, but Book 4’s climax would be the only major exception. This needs to have payoff. Everyone, even Freya, misjudges just how large Kiran’s loneliness has grown. How close it is to killing them. They are trapped in a downward spiral and rapidly approaching an absolute rock bottom. Not even Freya’s little fantasies can do anything at this point. But what does is Sharena and how she deals with her loneliness. She is the whole antithesis of the narrative full of loners. Unlike every other character, her loneliness drives her to inadvertently save people. To reach out and grab on with everything she has, in the most genuine unabashedly caring way. It is loud, it is unfiltered, it’s touchy, it’s annoying, it’s wonderful, and it doesn’t even work half the time but it doesn’t need to because when it does IT SAVES PEOPLE. Sharena saves people because she doesn’t want anyone to be alone.

AUGHHH THIS GAME. Kiran and Sharena Fire Emblem your friendship means so much to me. All of these characters need therapy so badly. Some trauma bonded found family vibes is just going to have to cut it for now.

What do u think Kiran is

How do u think the order sees kiran

*slowly sits up in my chair*

I think Kiran is a very normal person. This is someone you and I have met before. Be that from the other side of grocery store cashier, waiting in the same elevator, or walking by on a crosswalk. Kiran is a civilian from our world trying to roll with the punches of being warped somewhere completely alien. And you can see it in how they conduct themselves.

I always have a lot of fun writing Kiran’s dialogue because their casual modern speech almost feels like a dialect in comparison to the more formal fantasy tone everyone else speaks with. An “ain’t” will never exit Alfonse’s mouth, you know? And there’s a difference in “Do you have gold?” vs “You got gold?” To me, this gives Kiran an air of unfamiliarity to anyone they interact with. Let’s use Grima as an example, because it doesn’t sound like this grammatical change would make much of difference until Kiran has the audacity to hit Grima with a bro mid sentence. But that’s just how they talk. And as sweet and friendly as they are, there’s always moments like that to remind that no one has the cultural context to fully understand Kiran. Except for the audience, who can realize that Kiran let the customer service voice drop to talk to Grima like he’s an actual person.

And that’s just about how they talk! This view is only emphasized by every other thing about them! They’re a lovable goof, which is normal chill person behavior in the audience’s eyes but feels REALLY ODD to the characters of FE’s medieval fantasy war setting. There is this air of unknown about them that the more socially perceptive will pick up on and will try to come to a conclusion about. Example, I imagine Soren would interpret a lot of this as a dangerous and deeply annoying lack of intelligence from someone he has the displeasure of sharing a tactics table with. Or looping back to the Grima example, he would totally think Kiran has greedy ulterior motives behind that pleasant facade. It takes a lot of work for those types to realize that the discrepancy present isn’t really any of those things. But I also wouldn’t be too surprised if Kiran doesn’t try to directly prove any of those assumptions wrong unless they have to.

Why? Well now it’s time for the implications! Oh how we love the implications.

Because the Summoner is a different story. No one has any fucking clue what that is.

I can tell you what Kiran has pieced together so far. Summoning people from across time and space is apparently not easy. It’s not some school of magical study that some mage could pull off with enough time and research. Trust, Eitri tried. It’s a lot of complex moving parts. For example, the contracts. The contracts Kiran automatically binds their summoned to don’t even compare to the ones Veronica used in book 1. They are far more intense and infinitely harder to break. The only way out of them is if Kiran wills it so. Not even death is an option, because Kiran can come in for the revive. If they had to guess, it’s an older, more completed version of the art. Something lost to time. But no matter the case, Kiran has the ability to take full control of whoever they manage to summon. From a lowly farmer to the divine. And their power only grows.

In a similar vein, if there was any character to canonically see the hud, I think it would be Kiran. It’s genuinely part of their power set. I have previously described Kiran as the party mage until Veronica shows up to be the actual mage, but it would be way more accurate to call them a mystic/seer. They see the map, everyone’s stats, and is doing a fast amount of math to give the combat forecast. Then, upon processing all this information their enemies couldn’t dream of having at their disposal, Kiran can telepathically communicate any change in plans to anyone under contract. Kiran is not inherently some great tactician the moment they touch ground in Askr; they simply can do things no one else can. They’re learning the actual tactics part on the fly. This makes them simultaneously the largest ace up the Order’s sleeve and potentially its biggest liability. If they fall, it could cause a whole system cascade. By that same token, some of the biggest threats the Order has faced are the ones who do their research and rightfully target Kiran.

Now. Thinking critically about all that. That’s downright terrifying. A ridiculous amount of power has been dropped callously into Kiran’s lap and they have to work extremely hard to be moral with it. It’s terrifyingly easy not to be. It would actively take less effort to ‘take the reins’ as it were. But in order to be able to sleep at night ever again, they go the extra mile to not invalidate the will of their summoned. To take over like that. To make a colony of worker bees out of people. Because oh dear god they just summoned a child and the fact that they could easily force them to fight and die for them, only to be revived and do it all over again, is HAUNTING. No. No the Order has an in house orphanage now. This kid is getting adopted and cared for god damnit or Kiran might just pop a blood vessel. And sure that child is going to be a child and there will never be a world where they get along with everyone else, but that’s just going to need be a problem they address when they get there and not an excuse to use Hubris; the power set. Now replace the word child with everyone they ever summoned and you have the wider philosophy they apply to the entire Order.

They’re hyper aware of the power imbalance. They hate it with every bone in their body. They work really hard to correct it in whatever way they can.

So Kiran might not jump on the opportunity to correct those who think lesser of them. It’s… oddly comforting to know someone is keeping a critical eye on them. Holding them accountable. Especially since so much of the order just thinks of them as this quirky yet well meaning host. And, really, what can they even do about that? They have gone over the contract with every hero they summon and despite that they still choose to stay. So, what, do they try to inspire more mistrust? The problem with that they would have to actually do acts that intentionally inspire mistrust. And even if that was successful they can’t just waste the extra man power because every other month there’s some new divine asshole who wants them all dead. And if they fail that means they have to start their life from square one and god they can’t do that again so—

Just breathe Kiran.

It’s fine. You’re fine. Just breathe.

You have work to do.

[letteredlettered]

Hi! I love your work and wish you all the best. I made my first fandom friend last year and I felt that at some point, we were really close - having in-depth conversations on a variety of topics (philosophy, movies we’d both watched and dissect what happened, share intimate personal details about our family backgrounds and dynamics, story ideas) while keeping our names and identities pretty vague. We’d chat online (through texts) a few hours a week and rarely did a span of a few days (1/2)

(2/2) go by without some message being sent. We’d share little pictures of places we’d go to (without any identifying features so generally just really pretty nature shots) and stuff like that. I always really looked forward to our conversations, and the stuff that we would learn together through our discussions with one another - different aspects of topic that weren’t as obvious before, different points of view, etc. In the past few months we’ve texted less (a little something every few days

(3/?) few days and the texts have gotten less frequent. It’s from no lack of interest on my part because I am very happy to converse with this friend. And then a few weeks ago, they’ve stopped texting to me entirely, although our shared social media platform makes it very obvious that they have been online a lot of times. Basically —> I’ve been ghosted.

The rest of this ask is under a cut, because it's long. I reproduced the ask in its entirety and then answered. It's about someone being ghosted and how they feel about that. I didn't answer privately because they didn't request it, and you can't answer anonymous asks privately.

(4/?) and of course it is entirely in their right to interact with whomever they wish, so I’m happy that they are taking care to spend time in a way that feels more meaningful to them and with people that they share a closer bond with. But I also feel like I’ve lost something special (I should mention that I texted them three messages over the course of the few weeks, so I’m pretty sure this is intentional. I’m not going to send any more because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable)

(5/?) But i do feel sad because I did really care about the discussions we’ve had and my friend themself, even though we never revealed a lot of identifying details. Personally my anonymity made me a lot more candid and open to sharing thoughts that I may not in any other context (for ex: my questioning over my sexuality, which I had never and continued not to have said anything about to anyone)

And perhaps I shouldn’t have felt so emotionally invested, but that’s only because I know the state of our friendship now (and have more of a sense of their investment in it) to evaluate it that way, retrospectively. I really did appreciate this friend and feel a bit down about it, so I was wondering if you had any similar fandom friendship stories or any other thoughts?

Thank you, by the way, for reading such a long long ask. I felt like confessing this to you because I really love the interpretations and emotions you convey through the stories I’ve read and the meta writing thoughts you’ve mentioned in this tumblr, and so I respect your opinion. Anyway, please feel free not to respond (whatever is most comfortable) and thank you again

I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I can't say I have any similar fandom friendship stories, but that doesn't mean I can't deeply sympathize. I do know what it's like to lose a friend, and it sounds to me like you either lost one or feel like you lost one, which is the same thing. I know that's a really hard experience, and the hardest part for me has always been wondering what happened. I know this is really hard, and you have a right to be upset and feel badly. You also had a right to be emotionally invested--online friendships are just as real and true as other friendships, and sometimes even more intense because they involve only communication, rather than a lot of outward trappings. I'm sorry again for what you're going through.

You asked if I have other thoughts, so I suppose now it's time to confess that I don't really have similar fandom friendship stories because I am typically the one who ghosts people. I'm not proud of this. While I'd like to tell you a few things about why it happens or how it feels for me, it's not at all meant as a defense for what that person did to you. It's not at all meant to trivialize or negate the loss you have experienced. But maybe, by sharing why someone might act that way, it can at least help you work through what happened and/or process.

I really struggle with keeping up relationships. I think it's one of the main hardships of my life, and one of my largest sources of anxiety and guilt. I can't say I enjoy people on the whole, but there are quite a few individuals I like, and a subset of those individuals are people I love dearly and want to keep in my life. But I can't say I miss those people. I can't say I find myself deeply desiring their company. In fact, I can't say I ever desire to be around anyone. I literally never feel lonely. I literally never feel bored. I am my best company and entertainment.

But I learned quite early on in life that though I never wanted to be around anyone, I needed to be around people. When I spend too much time on my own, I grow anxious and depressed. This anxiety and depression doesn't make me want to be around people--quite the opposite. It makes me want to be around people even less. People, and socializing with people, starts to seem like more and more of an effort.

The pandemic was particularly hard for me because I enjoyed it so much. It was the perfect excuse never to see anyone, never to do anything, and I have spiraled these last two years into a fairly deep pit. And even though I knew this about myself--I knew how damaging it was for me to be alone too much--I was still surprised when over the last two months, when I finally started to go a lot of places and do a lot of things in public, I finally started to care about my life again in a way I just couldn't before. And note that caring about my life didn't at all mean I suddenly wanted to hang out with people; I just finally started wanting things for myself, to do things and plan things and build things. I was a sudden font of creativity when before nothing seemed worth the effort.

So when I say I want people in my life, I mean that I need them to stay sane. And since I have to be around people to be sane, I might as well be around the people I really enjoy--because I do enjoy people's company; I just never desire it. When I'm with people I like and love, I get these happy bursts of contentment. I'm a lot more likely than most people I know to suddenly announce, "I love you," and "I really like you," and "I'm really glad we're friends" at random times, I think because I always feel surprised. I feel surprised when I'm with people, because I almost feel like I don't or can't love when I'm alone, like people are distant and removed, objects that just don't impact my life that much. But they do, and I have to remember that. I have to remember, because my feelings won't remind me.

So it's a real struggle to maintain relationships when literally none of the impulses are there--I don't miss my friends. I don't suddenly wish I was with them. I do think about them all the time, but it never really occurs to me to reach out to them, to call or text or email or ask to hang, because their company never feels necessary or even desired. I respond to their texts and emails and calls and requests out of a sense of responsibility, the responsibility I have to maintain relationships, so people can understand that I love them and want to be with them, even though it's a struggle for me to feel that way unless I'm with them. And I have to remind myself of this responsibility, of this necessity. I have to remind myself that I do love, quite intensely, that I would be sad to lose someone I love, and that in order to keep people I love, some obligations are required, and those obligations will ultimately make me feel good too, even if I never think to want them.

Okay, so that's me. Then there's fandom, which is different. I have never had to work to be interested in fictional characters and fictional worlds. Things that are not actual or concrete have always interested me more than the real world; I've always preferred thinking about things to the things themselves. I'm not sure it's the healthiest way to live, and yet it feels very deep and intrinsic to who I am, and I'm not really sure I want to change it. I do think I can work on noticing and loving both my body and the real world around me--I think my girlfriend really helps me do that, which is amazing. But my interest in fictional things means I never have to work to stay engaged when I am immersed in a fandom. It feels really natural to me.

I don't know why, but for some reason, I've never been able to maintain interest in a fandom for more than a few years. There are some fandoms I return to over and over--HP being a huge one, but Jane Austen, Star Wars, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer are a few others. Whether I'm getting invested for the first time or re-invested, however, the interest really only lasts maybe 2 months to 2 years.

The result is that I could get very invested in a fandom, which would include making lots of fandom connections or even friends. While the impulse to connect with these people is fandom-related, I'm also intensely interested in them as people. I remain so after my interest in the fandom has faded--but sadly, the impulse to keep reaching out, or to reply to messages, fades with the fandom. It's not because I like them less, now; I just don't have that other force driving me. It gets harder and harder to reply. It gets harder and harder to explain that I am a freak who can't maintain normal human friendships. (I understand I'm not a freak, but this makes me feel like one.) It gets harder and harder to deal with the guilt, and letting someone down. It gets easier to just walk away from the friendship entirely, because the struggle to maintain it is so nerve-wracking and difficult.

This happens even sometimes when I have not lost interest in the fandom, or when the initial connection is not driven by being in the same fandom at the same time--I made several good friends through HP fandom even in pockets of time when I wasn't particularly obsessed with HP, for instance. But the fact that we have fandom in common really drives some of the initial interactions and excitement, and makes it feel easy to strike up a friendship. Then it becomes hard again, and I fail.

The worst part is yes, they can see me if I go online. But being online can be both a solitary experience and a communal one, and sometimes I am here to be by myself, and sometimes I am here to talk to people I like. More often it's the former--even doing things like answering asks or talking on message boards feels solitary, because it's talking to strangers, which means I have no real personal stake in the matter. Just because you see that your friend is active online doesn't mean that the friendship meant more to you than it did to them.

Again, I'm not making excuses. I've worked on this and gotten much better over time. These days, when I really hit it off with someone, I generally warn them that I'm not good at emailing or staying in touch, and that if I don't reply it's not because I don't like them. I let them know that most people who remain friends with me do so because they are persistent and don't get too discouraged if I don't reply several times in a row. And I'm lucky--I have friends who are willing to email me over and over, over the course of several months. I have a friend I haven't talked to in two years who still just occasionally leaves me voicemails, saying she knows I only make rare appearances, but she's still my friend and still wants to hang out whenever I'm ready. These are the friends I can have, people who are willing to do this, and I'm deeply grateful that anyone loves me enough to be patient with me, because I find this whole situation truly soul-crushing.

The other thing I will say is that yes, I have also slipped out of touch with people because they were making me unhappy, or I didn't like them as much as they liked me. Some I ghosted because I stated my boundaries and they still broke them, so telling them I didn't want to be friends anymore didn't really seem effective, given that they hadn't listened to my other requests. But some I ghosted because I didn't feel the need to explain, and they never asked.

I can't really offer advice, but if the person who ghosted you is anything like me, it would help to wait a month or two, and then message again, and say something like, "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you. Even though we don't talk anymore, I wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and hope you're doing well." That kind of message feels like forgiveness to someone like me, who gets really wrapped up in the idea that I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve friendship because sometimes I can't answer emails. Especially getting it a few months later really helps me move past the guilt that was killing me for so long.

That said, I would never want anyone to send that message to me if they would feel horrible if I still didn't reply to it, because I might not. Sometimes, I just can't. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's entirely possible someone backed off because they just didn't want to pursue the friendship with you any longer, but it's also possible they're just a little fucked up in the way I'm a little fucked up, in which case, it's nice to hear a while later that someone still cares.

I hope this makes sense and doesn't put any additional pressure on you in any way. I'm really sorry about what happened to you, and thank you for sharing. I'm sure many people can identify with a story like yours--and I'm also sure many people can identify with a story like mine. I wish you all the best.

[colourful-void]

Supporting Satoshi - an examination and comparison of JN36 and XY121

Part One: Snowballs do not cure depression but it was worth a shot

You know that episode of Pokemon where a gym leader beats Satoshi in a battle so hard that one of his pokemon gets mildly hurt (though there's no long term effects) and because of it he becomes depressed, closing himself off from his friends before someone comes along to pull him out of that mental state, and also severe weather phenomena is involved and a reflection of a persons mental state? Or rather, the two episodes?

So when I was watching Journeys, I noticed an episode that had a similar-- but distinctly different-- plot to an xy episode I had seen before. And what was particularly interesting was that while I couldn't stand the xy episode, the journeys episode was one of my favourites. I won't drag this out for you guys, I love the journeys episode and re watch it a LOT and the xy episode sort of just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. and don't go claiming its solely ship bias, because i saw the xy episode first and disliked it then.

This will analyze both of these episodes, comparing them against each other. Specifically within the context of how Goh and Serena both help Satoshi through a similar situation There will be some discussion of AmourShipping and Satogou in this analysis. I'm going to be a bit negative regarding Serena's actions and the potential "romantic" weight of them here, but I want to be clear that I Do Not dislike Serena as a character. Personally, I wish the writers had given her more room to grow outside of her romantic interests, but I do not hate Serena as a character. I do, however, disagree with her actions in this episode. Please don't take this out of context and dont be ship fighting in the comments, it's boring. This is a comparison of These Two Episodes, not of Goh and Serena and their respective ships as a whole.

This part mainly focuses on the xy episode and the second will focus mainly on the journeys. It's only divided into parts because of the tumblr post limit.

(If you like the xy episode or hate the journeys episode, awesome! having your own opinions is great. these are mine though, so i hope you'll listen to them)

With that out of the way, let's start. And I'm going to use mostly japanese names here because I'm taking screencaps from the subbed japanese copies.

The set up for each of these episodes is eerily similar as pointed out in the gag at the start.

Xy has a bit more set up before the episode in question though, with the initial loss and retreat into the forest by Satoshi taking place the episode before. The episode opens up proper with Satoshi taking time to breathe to himself, alone in the forest.

Emphasis is placed on him taking a deep breath, aided by the visuals showing them (thanks cold air) and the silence of the rest of the soundscape, with the only other sounds being the wind and some bird pokemon, plus some falling snow.

Journeys Satoshi starts off in a better mental state than Xy, with the episode starting off with him jogging along with his pokemon.

However, we can still see that he's been affected by the last battle he lost, against Saitou, as he's putting a lot of effort into training and doing better.

Which, doesn't go well for him, as he loses his next two battles as well, and drops in the World Championship ranking as a result

And he's pretty upset about it too. Same thing as over in xy. In both cases, a respective friend/love interest notes that Satoshi is upset and expresses concern.

He's got support from his friends in both situations! But that support comes across in very different ways.

But, to understand how that support manages to affect Satoshi, we need to understand the problem at play.

Now, I wanna make something clear here. Satoshi's problem is not that he is a sore loser. I'm not arguing that's not a contributing factor, or that he's not upset about the loss (particularly in the world championships), He's still bitter about the lost part, but the root of the problem is not losing, he's been shown to be fine with losing (if not a bit more motivated to win now) in prior episodes.

Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt, because they're losing battles. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are losing battles because he's not training them well enough. And to clarify, that's not my viewpoint, it's his. Satoshi's problem is that he's not good enough for himself, and he feels that that's something he has to fix on his own.

So how do we help him?

Our weather event in question is introduced in separate points in the episodes, but I'll cover them both now.

In xy, it's this snowstorm, which conveniently becomes a problem directly after Serena returns to the Pokemon Centre.

In journeys, it's a sandstorm! That's in near direct contrast to a snowstorm! Incredible.

Heading back to xy Satoshi, things aren't going great in the forest. Luckily, Serena's run off to find him.

I think it's of note here that Serena runs off with the best intentions, she wants to help Satoshi, plain and simple. It just sort of goes wrong along the way.

It's worth noting that Xy Satoshi tries to bring himself out of being sad by the tried and true method of "stop being sad"

Despite telling himself this, he doesn't get anywhere. Which makes sense, because it's not getting the the root of the problem. It's not even addressing it at all. He's just trying to 'be better', which isn't even a battle strategy. However, it is something I can see him saying, so this isn't a critique of Satoshi's thought process, but me pointing out that this isn't really effective. Which is supported by the narrative, because again, he doesn't get anywhere, he doesn't even move.

I can't show it in screencaps but the lights in Satoshi's eyes are shaking here, something that they consistently do throughout the series when he's feeling a particularly strong emotion. Keep that in mind. It couples well with another trait of his, and that's his hat!

And by that I mean how he hides his eyes with the brim of it when upset, something he does exactly as Serena shows up and calls out to him. Now, he's not upset that Serena is here. He's upset about the pokemon stuff still. He's trying to hide the fact that he's upset from Serena.

Serena starts off with her speech well, trying to appeal to Satoshi to let her in and talk things out. And maybe it's because he wasn't ready for it yet, or because of the way she phrases it (a lot of 'i' and 'me' language which can be helpful but can also come across as though she's making it about her. not her intent i don't think, but a possible interpretation.), it's not her fault for how Satoshi reacts regardless.

But how Satoshi reacts is not good.

Now it's really interesting to note that before this, Serena was standing while Satoshi was sitting, putting her above him in terms of active power, when it comes to how the shot is presented, but when Satoshi stands up, the camera tilts with the movement so that they're on equal level. Neat!

And Serena yells in return, scolding Satoshi for not talking about it. Not the best move, since pushing someone to talk about something that's upsetting them isn't really productive, but she's trying here and she's frustrated.

Satoshi continues to withdraw and self isolate, claiming it is his problem and that he wants to be left be. Now, this is the mindset of a clearly upset person and isolation may not be the best option, but he did make the explicit request to be left alone here.

He's clearly upset as he turns away from Serena's eye and slumps over a little.

And then Serena throws a snowball at him.

Angry as he is, you can see Satoshi's expression change when he sees Serena's reaction.

Serena tells Satoshi that she's not like the Satoshi she knows, who is always full of energy and positive and a leader, and a bunch of other positive traits. The problem here, is that Serena's looking at an idealized version of Satoshi. And while the intent here was probably meant to be something more like "you have so many wonderful traits about you I know you can do this", coupled with the snowballs and the phrasing, it seems as though Serena is scolding Satoshi for being sad.

Or rather, being angry with him for not living up to her idealized version of him, and not wanting him to express any negitave emotions.

Which is sort of a really bad mindset.

The snowballs continue, never once does Satoshi fight back. In fact, he stops arguing entirely after the first one. Serena knocks him off his feet and tells him he's not being himself, before running off. (In the english dub, Serena claims that Satoshi isn't being "the real satoshi" and then demands that the real Satoshi be "given back", so it could be worse)

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up. Something like this just isn't like him. He's just gotta stop being sad!

Now personally, I really disagree with the idea that "being upset" isn't "like a person". That's because based off of my own experiences, I know it can be really damaging to hold the mindset that any negative emotions you feel aren't a part of you and that you shouldn't be upset because you're usually a positive and happy person. Not the case with every person, but I personally really have a problem with shows telling children that they just shouldn't be upset instead of processing their emotions in a meaningful way. (The journeys episode doesn't do an outstanding job of it either, but this is a bit of a tangent anyway. A show that does do this right is "OK KO! Let's be Heroes" which actually deals with this problem in greater depth and does a fantastic job of it.)

But the snowball scene ends here. Now I'll get back to Journeys in a moment, but since Serena has finished her part of the comparison for the most part, I'm going to summarize a bit more of the xy episode.

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up.

The snowstorm kicks in, Serena get back annoyed, then similarly groans and yells, and the whole xy gang + pokemon go running off in search of Satoshi. Pikachu appears the most concerned.

Now Serena tells the others she lost her cool and said something horrible to Satoshi, but explains its because Satoshi is someone she admires. Cool motive, I get it, still kinda bad.

and in the end, it's not Serena's words that get he message across to Satoshi. The solution to this problem was Satoshi finding a way to reaffirm his abilities and instinct.

In the xy episode, he helps some pokemon out of the tree, and when his very cool frog friend shows up, they're able to work together with their bond to save this one from falling off a cliff.

Here's the point. Satoshi learns by doing, by actions. He needs to see first hand that there are ways of getting past his problems, and that it's worth having the courage to keep going. The lesson is about valuing pokemon as equals and partners, and specifically that trying to be better as the trainer alone isn't going to help.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am and I'm not sleeping until this is finished so we gotta keep things moving.

This was no doubt Serena's intent to get a similar point, but she goes about it the wrong way. She tries to convey this with words, as conversation and motivational words have helped her in the past (Elle's words of praise stick with her, Satoshi's words from when they were kids, etc). It's a good idea, but their different ways of learning and growing from a similar situation are incompatible, and that's why things don't work out in Serena's favour. There's also still the problem of "pulling yourself together" not being helpful in this case.

There's also a very similar line in this scene to the one at the end of the journeys episode, as Satoshi says to his frog that they should start over from scratch. It's essentially the same phrase with different wording. It's great. The Storm ends as he realizes this as well! Wonderful in terms of pathetic fallacy.

The gang all reunites, its nice. Satoshi thanks Serena for what she said after apologizing to everyone, which contradicts what he said earlier but I've already established that I dislike this message here so I won't go over it too much. I guess he's right in a literal sense in that in response to her words he went and ran until he tripped off a cliff but the emotional growth here was because of his own actions (and the frogs), not Serena's. Sorry Serena, you'll get em next time.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am as I write this so we gotta keep things moving.

So. What about Goh?

Well...

(Part Two here on account of image limit!!)

[evakuality]

Matteo - episode two

Social media - I feel like the social media doesn’t always work for me just because I often sleep at the wrong times of day for Germany and so when or why things happened sometimes feels difficult for me to judge.  For example, I feel like the Sara and Leonie and messing around with David at PE feels somehow out of place.  They didn’t seem to know each other much on Friday when Sara interrupted Matteo and David and yet here they are hanging out and playing together like long time friends on social media not long after.  It’s a lovely set up for Matteo finding out more about David as he reluctantly follows Sara’s social media, but the connection from one moment to the other is difficult to follow.  More than ever I wish we had more of a sense of David and what he was up to behind the scenes so to speak.  Also, Sara’s desperation around Matteo when she’s talking to Leonie is so painful.  By the end of this episode Leonie is all ‘you need to get over this asshole’ but Sara is still super invested in this thing she’s built up in her head.  She wants this to be real so much that she’s ignoring all the red flags.  It doesn’t help that Matteo is actively curating his social media presence to fit in - so he does a lot of stuff with Sara for her Instagram.  That it’s all the same sort of stuff he does with his friends seems to go over her head - he doesn’t see her the way she wants to be seen, but then he also does things like knee-jerk into an invite to his home when he sees David hugging Leonie.  What he does and why makes sense (we’ll get to that in the actual clip) but it doesn’t make it any easier for Sara.  Though, really, she should listen to Leonie who is the only one in this scenario who has her back and can clearly see what is happening.

clip one - I really like seeing characters peacefully chilling in their own space and just being relaxed.  Matteo’s not exactly happy, of course, but he seems content in this scene.  He has his game, he has his little stalker moment on David and there are no expectations on him.  But then of course Hans comes along.  Hans, bless him, doesn’t mean to be forcing expectations on Matteo, but unfortunately he’s hitting some sore spots for Matteo.  Matteo knows he’s into guys, is fairly obvious about his attractions, but there’s this very painful understanding that the guys he likes can’t or don’t see him the same way.  David is still something exciting at this point - they made a connection and while Matteo doesn’t know if he likes guys too, he also knows they have some kinship on some issues.  So his gut reaction is to hide the picture he’s been looking at despite it being on his girlfriend’s Instagram, because it feels incriminating to him.  Here he is fantasising over yet another guy who is probably straight and probably has a thing with Leonie (he is extrapolating HARD from the small bits of info he has and from Sara’s reactions).  It’s sweet that Hans literally comes to Matteo to get advice on his choices of guys, but it feels threatening to Matteo both in a ‘I can’t let on that I’m gay’ way and because it feels like someone expecting something of him which he isn’t capable of giving - it’s very obvious that the guys Hans is choosing from and the type of guy Matteo likes are poles apart and so he literally doesn’t know which of the guys Hans wants is best.  They really aren’t his type at all.  

I also have to say that Sara’s demands for instant answers is exhausting.  Why do we have this expectation?  She’s decided that he’s not being good to her because he’s not instantly responding, but it shouldn’t be such a norm that we reply right away.  In Matteo’s case, he’s trying to chill and relax and we have both Hans and Sara intruding on that space with expectations of him.  My introverted self shudders at this and I feel for Matteo.

clip two - this of course leads into clip two when Sara confronts Matteo again.  She is once again, the one trying to use words and communicate properly.  This is exactly what we tell people to do when trying to work with relationships but she’s not really forceful enough as yet and she chooses to do it in front of his friends which doesn’t really work.  For her, she thinks this will legitimise it and has perhaps subconsciously picked up that he’s far more willing to play along if he has an audience and so this works for her.  But for him, it’s even more awkward than usual because she’s showing up his lack of attention in front of his friends.  So while she probably thinks she got some sort of positive sign out of this, for him this was very uncomfortable and he’s really starting to find it difficult to keep this up.  The discussion of relationships and communication in relationships is also very interesting.  Abdi, who seems to be really off the wall and stupid here, is the one who actually hits on the reality of the situation.  We see how attempted communication works in relationships alongside Matteo and Sara, but we also hear about Carlos and his frustrations with Kiki and a lot is being set up for the future.  We’re already getting set up for Matteo feeling really shit when David won’t contact him, when he feels played and on and off, hot and cold.  This thing with Sara here comes back to bite him later when he’s on the receiving end and it allows him to find his moment of kinship with Sara later on.  Once he knows how this feels, he realises how shitty he was being here.  

The ‘when they don’t talk to you, they want to sleep with you’ stuff is fascinating because a) that’s definitely not what’s happening with Matteo - he absolutely doesn’t want to sleep with Sara, but b) also it kind of IS what happens with David later.  He wants things to progress with Matteo but doing that means he has to come out and so he has to retreat.  Totally different reasons, but the idea is the same.  ‘You have a lot to learn’ the boys tell Matteo, and they’re right even if not in the way they mean.  Most of what Matteo needs to learn and figure out in relationships is actually touched on in this clip.  Of course, to really ram this point home, we get the deeply awkward Matteo and David meeting by the lockers.  David appears to be invested as well - coming up to Matteo, making the first contact here in a way.  It’s awkward for sure, but in a very different way to Sara and Matteo.  Here, they both want to actually connect but are still feeling out how to approach each other.  Of course, they are again interrupted before this can develop better, and again Matteo’s response to a romantic advice question is ‘I don’t know’ - it’s his way to slide out of having to be committed to something, but also both questions (Hans’ and Leonie’s) veer quite close to things he doesn’t want to be open about - interest in guys on the one hand and specifically David’s relationship status on the other.  So he hides behind these words and in both cases the person fills in their own gaps and assumes he’s helped them.

The bit with Amira and the weed is so close to the original that there’s not a lot to say, except that I do like that she gets to make her own defence with Matteo as a back up more than the one speaking for her the whole time as Isak does.  I’m also highly amused that they never attempt to make this exchange again and the weed just gets used by the girls.  Neither Matteo nor Abdi seems worried about it after this point.  For Matteo that makes sense - David starts to become much more important, but for Abdi it’s just funny.  Maybe he got some more weed somewhere and just decides it’s not worth pursuing anymore.

clip three - this clip is just sad all around.  Matteo clearly does care about Sara and he’d make a good friend for her but she has these expectations of him that don’t work for either of them but in totally different ways and they talk at cross purposes throughout the whole thing.  We find out later everything that’s going on with Sara here and why she wants distracting, but she’s chosen the wrong person or at least the wrong way.  And this whole idea that she can force sex on him when he’s very very clearly not ready is so uncomfortable.  Even if this was a very normal relationship in which both parties genuinely had feelings for each other, him pulling back and not being ready isn’t a bad thing and should be respected.  That Sara uses this as evidence later that he’s a shitty boyfriend is unfair.  He is a shitty boyfriend in many many ways but this isn’t one of them.  @sun-undone made a wonderful series of videos on this season and mentioned how awkward and uncomfortable the extreme close ups are in this scene (and many of the others between these two).  It works to make a claustrophobic and trapped feeling for Matteo.  We’re so tight on his face that he has no way to escape and what’s really interesting about it is that often when Sara is in reverse shot to these close ups the camera is further away allowing her to feel more comfortable.  Which sums up visually everything about this relationship really.

I want to touch briefly on the food thing - in this scene Matteo brings food for Sara, and food is usually used to show nurturing and caring etc etc.  And then he places it as far from her as he can.  Contrast this with how he uses food with David, making it playful and literally bringing him into its production and they eat together.  It’s very clear that while he cares about Sara and wants to connect with her, he’s not willing to properly nurture her in any of the ways she needs.  He also makes it very clear that it’s from her mother and not him.

clip four - in this context, clip four is very sad.  It’s just a short moment where Matteo watches David and sees him smile at Leonie and hug her.  It immediately makes him sad (sadder than usual, which is fairly sad at this point) and we just saw how little interest Matteo has in sex, but that sight and all the things it brings up for him (which have been set up through the previous episode) results in him deciding to just get it over with and try to sleep with Sara.  Of course, for her this means a whole different thing to him.  The emojis etc that he uses are really playful and happy but the Matteo we see on screen as he does that is so far from that it’s super painful to watch.  More examples of how his social media presence does not reflect his genuine lived experience.  She sees this as a final acceptance of what’s happening between them and how he now wants to be with her.  For him, it’s a final desperate attempt to stop being so invested in these guys who don’t want him and to focus on someone he knows actually does.  But it doesn’t make him happy, and he in fact looks much sadder at the end than he does at the start.

clip five - A continuation of the previous one really.  He’s decided this has to happen, has actively set up the date for the end of the week and is now trying to find a way to make it work for him.  But he looks SO depressed and out of sorts when he does so, made more so when the responses he reads are things like ‘why would you want to sleep with someone if you’re not into her’ which is a question he has no good answer to.  Of course we also get the moment when he finds David’s Instagram and the picture he’s posted and the way he responds to that is much more genuine and authentic than anything he’s done with Sara.  I do like how often we get subtle moments of comparison between how Matteo reacts to Sara vs how he reacts to David.  Once again the social media is nice in this part.  Hans and Linn and their conversations and the way Matteo is then drawn in and included.  I like that they chose to document such a small and insignificant moment, eating food together, in such a way.  It makes the ‘big’ stuff that’s scattered through feel more authentic when it’s mixed in with such normal social media behaviour.  

clip six - The cross dressing in this clip makes me feel really awkward, partly because cross dressing in general feels weird (just... dress however you like whenever you like, you know?) but obviously also because of David.  How horrible this must feel for him (and as an aside, the school must have known why he changed to them so late and how traumatic it has been for him - why did they approve the topic????), but consequently how good it must be for him that Matteo doesn’t engage with the dressing up.  On another note, Sara talking over Matteo is again a great representation of the whole way their relationship works (and how she thinks one should work maybe?)  She speaks for him and makes assumptions about what he wants in many of their interactions and it’s no different here.  I guess she’s so desperate for this to be something real that she can’t let anyone speak who may ruin that - up to and including her supposed boyfriend.  He looks so checked out and irritated with this whole situation when she’s talking for him and it doesn’t get any better after she leaves and the boys go right back to sex talk.  This whole episode is a good representation of how little presence Matteo has in his own life, particularly when he’s outside his own space and/or with other people.  The one person who sparks any sort of difference is David.  In this whole clip, Matteo doesn’t speak a word (he tries to but Sara leaps right in as if she owns his home, which.... hmmmmm) which is a huge contrast with the final clip:

clip seven - this is such a great clip and it’s fascinating that it’s so long compared to the rest given that not a lot actually happens in it.  But that’s part of its charm - this is Matteo’s and our chance to meet and get to know David properly which is allowed time to breathe and relax into it.  And over the course of the nine or so minutes, the two of them do get more and more relaxed and easy with each other.  Also, here’s to the random ticket collector who facilitated the start of this.  If he hadn’t come along and David hadn’t decided to step in to save Matteo from the consequences of his own actions, they’d probably still be staring awkwardly at each other to this day.  But also, Matteo’s flirting when he genuinely wants to do it appears to be ‘hey do you want to smoke?’ and despite David clearly not being all that into it, it works presumably because David is also besotted already and happy to go along with literally anything Matteo might suggest (like some terrible sandwich toppings).  

But honestly, the heart of this clip is literally this developing bond between the two boys and I was trying to work out why the montage ‘getting to know you’ sequence works better here than it does for Mia and Alex and I think in the end it comes down to baggage and also timing.  David is not dragging baggage behind him; we don’t have the same sense of ‘why does s/he fall for him?’ with David that we do with Alex.  In Alex’s case, Mia had been very open about how much she hated Alex and how he was treating Kiki and also just how awful she felt about being bribed into going on a date with him.  Given how important that was, we needed to see more of their bonding so we too could see Alex’s personality.  Instead we’re told that Mia starts to like him without being shown any real proof.  Whereas with David, we don’t know him just like Matteo doesn’t know him, so having some conversation filled with compliments and small moments of bonding and developing trust interspersed with the montage actually works.  We have a real sense of the sorts of things they’re talking about and the way they’re talking and we’re shown in montage that there’s more happening behind that.  In this case it works to show the development where for me it fell flat with Mia because of how long we were told and shown Alex was an asshole for.  

The upshot of this is that they have both shown vulnerability on screen by the end of the episode and have both shown themselves to be careful and considerate of the boundaries around those vulnerabilities (Matteo respects David’s wish to keep certain pages of his art book private and David doesn’t mock or scorn Matteo’s fears about not knowing what he wants to do after school).  It means that when David tells Matteo what his favourite movie is, Matteo is able to admit that he doesn’t know it.  There’s a long pause before he says it, almost like he’s weighing it up whether he wants to admit that or not.  But in the end he does say it, allows himself to show more vulnerability.  Unlike Isak, who tries to bluster his way through knowing what Even finds interesting, Matteo is willing to be real and genuine with David.  

Basically, this clip serves as a nice contrast to the rest of the episode, where people speak over Matteo and don’t allow him the space tp be himself.  Both boys here are able to be open and show themselves in a way that we repeatedly see Matteo at least unable to do so far.  So it’s not surprise that when reminded that Sara is coming he tries to remove himself from that situation.  The long look he gives David while Sara’s message is on screen really shows just how different these two people feel to him and honestly, she needed to take Leonie’s advice after this.  Matteo has made it very clear that Sara’s needs are not at the front of his mind and she really really should take that hint.  

[esther-dot]

Do you think Robb cared about Sansa? It's pretty sad to me that all the memories or discussions of them don't particularly seem so. There's the ghost memory, where he and Jon scared her, and she ran away screaming, and then no one went looking for her. There's also his angry comments about her not mentioning Arya in her letter when she's a literal hostage. It just seems like Robb didn't have a strong bond to her.

I think the trueborn Stark kids are meant to have a strong familial bond, even if they don’t have particularly close personal relationships. In spite of whatever issues they have one-on-one, imo it is accurate to say that they love each other, that the author wants us to know that they deeply care. I know as a Sansa fan, I get overheated at times in defending her, and sometimes that involves griping about other characters, but as much as I might think they failed her, it’s a mistake to take it to the extreme of “they don’t love her.” The author is fascinated by where relationships fray, not all the strengths/upsides, so I think with the Starks, it’s easy to allow those negative moments to define the relationship (because we don’t have many depictions of them happy together) when to Martin, those tension filled moments are plot relevant/points of interest, not the all-encompassing reality.

I interpreted Robb’s decision not to trade for the girls as an attempt to put aside his personal desires to do what was best for his people. I think conflicting obligations, family vs honor vs duty vs love vs what is right is something the author wants to talk about, and I am sure that Bran ends up endgame king because he learns how to balance it in a way that Robb and Jon fail to (they’re kinda on two different ends of the spectrum). I have a problem when writing that I like my characters to be good/smart/right, but in literature, that’s not terribly interesting, and I think, Martin likes to address an issue by presenting it over and over in different contexts, talking about it the same thing from different angles, so I wouldn’t take Robb’s failure to prioritize Sansa to mean he didn’t care. It is more a part of the larger discussion of Martin’s themes. Poor Cat even has that line, “She could not even say that Robb was wrong.” (ACOK, Catelyn VI).

Even that ghost scene, I think it serves characterization, fearless Arya who stands her ground and decides to fight a ghost. She didn’t think “this is Jon,” she specifically punches the spirit, I mean, hilarious. Love it! But, likewise, we need Sansa to be in character, and Sansa is not someone who would fight. She doesn’t just love her songs, she believes in them, that she is the damsel who needs to be rescued. We’re also given the impression just being down there was terrifying to her, poor thing, so running makes sense. I know for an idealized big brother/little sister dynamic Robb would comfort her, but I have siblings and we tried to scare each other too. I was usually on the receiving end, and some of the shit they pulled was a bit much, but I don’t ever remember being comforted after. I have no complaints though. I think this scene is cute. I don’t think the boys were being cruel to the girls. It’s just what siblings do.

Anyway, I guess my point is, the author isn’t writing random stuff for the sake of it, he’s including scenes to establish who characters are and talk about his larger themes. Because we’re attached to the character while reading we focus on how it’s impacting us emotionally, simply experiencing the work, but when we have questions like this it’s helpful to take a step back and ask, “what is the writer doing here?”

Also, I think that the fandom has a tendency to expect modern family dynamics in a world that prohibits that. They have no issue with accepting dragons, but for some reason they can’t wrap their heads around the different gender roles/gender segregated education/that these people lived in a castle and not a 21st century house and what all of that means for family bonds. As in, there are some major obstacles to Sansa spending significant time with her brothers. Arya runs away from what she is meant to be doing to spend time with Jon and gets in trouble for it. We can assume Sansa doesn’t do that, just as we can assume Robb and Bran aren’t coming to the sewing circle. So, do they love her? Yes. But, I tend to agree that she likely had no truly, deep connection with Robb (or any sibling) through no fault of her own, or even theirs. If I ever do a reread, I might change my mind, but I don't think anyone in the family was particularly close to her or truly knew her inner life because what she loves/wants isn’t really something anyone else can relate to.

[cherry-interlude]

1949 Lyric Breakdown

This discusses the story of Lolita, which the song references. If you are not comfortable with Lolita, maybe skip it, though there aren’t any graphic discussions in this. I do love the novel and films of Lolita for the dark story, character building, writing, music and cinematography, but I do not see it at all as a love story - it isn’t. There’s nothing romantic about what happens in it, so this isn’t me trying to say I think there is if anything comes across that way.

In this, when I reference Lana I mean her as an adult singer with an older man, which is a trend for her music; when I reference Lolita, I mean the actual character and that disturbing story.

Carry me up them stairs

Lana, in the character of Lolita, is asking to be carried upstairs much like a child. This is both the actual reflection of Lolita being a child but also Lana being in a submissive role and cared for by an older, more dominant man

With my white socks on

White socks are related heavily to childhood, and white is an innocent and pure colour; feet are also a big part of the Lolita films, which Lana may be referencing

And my pretty song

Lana is a singer of course, but Lolita also liked to sing (I.e. in the nineties film)

You like my blue nail polish?

Lana is asking if this ‘daddy’ character likes her nails in an attempt to get validation or simply flirt; blue is a colour she often uses associated with sadness

What is all this? You said Of the mess upstairs Don't be scared

Lana’s ‘daddy’ character is telling her off (like a child) for making a mess (like a child); however, the “don’t be scared” says that he is not trying to scare her with his anger or disappointment, so he is still trying to be comforting

Daddy dearest, you know How I like to take trips Pops, first stops at the Kmart, buy me my peach lip gloss

Lana references how Lolita could be groomed with little presents at gas stations and gift shops, and it was how Humbert kept her happy; “Daddy” and “Pops” show terms of endearment for a father figure as well as the typical dom/sub influences Lana has in her lyrics (for consensual adults as opposed to Lolita’s disturbing story)

Cigarettes and lollipops

Lana does like cigarettes and uses lollipops in a few of her songs when she is putting on her cutesy image; the cigarettes could be to win Lolita over by making her feel more like an adult; there is a contrast between the adult, smoky, dangerous cigarettes and the sweet lollipops, which could reflect Lolita and Humbert’s relationship or Lolita’s two sides (her childhood and her forced adulthood)

For our trip across the USA

Humbert took Lolita across the USA so he wouldn’t get caught with her

We’re gonna party like it’s 1949

Lolita is set around this time period but it is also post-war, a time of celebration

We're in the Pontiac from July to July

This references the year-long road trip Lolita and Humbert took

Gonna see it all before he says goodbye

This could be how Humbert is taking Lolita around before he they stop and he gets caught, as if they “see it all” then there’s no where else to run, or it could be (in Lana’s typical way) how men tend to leave her

Gonna party like it's 1949 Carry me up the stairs With my white socks on And my blonde hair long

Lolita is usually remembered for the red in her hair but Lana used to be big on the blonde hair in her Lizzy era, so Lana may be personifying her own version

You like my pin-up bodice and the solace

A pin-up bodice references the kind of figure-hugging clothes that give Lana her womanly shape; solace is referencing how Lana (or Lolita) is a comfort while this troubled male figure is in distress

That comes with the midnight air

Also, more directly, the night time where they don’t have to run and are together in the motel rooms offers comfort

And my icy stare

Lolita may be the one with the icy stare, as she did not love Humbert the way he loved her and resented him for what he did to her, yet Humbert still finds comfort in her even when she’s unhappy with him

It's the clearest when it's me and him alone He stops, he talks about all the ways he used To about all ways he used to metal

Lana likes metal singers and has referenced men being into metal music in her lyrics

Dinnerettes and soda pops for our trip across the USA

Lolita and Humbert would have only small dinners as they go from café to restaurant rather than a proper, sit-down meal; soda pops are another sweet candy-like food that also show how hot it is in “July”

CHORUS

Daddy likes Blackpool Pleasure Beach and road stops

Blackpool is like Coney Island, a big interest in Lana’s lyrics; Humbert has ties to England so he may like the British version of Coney Island; the road stops are what Lolita and Humbert used to take when they stopped at points of interest, and he tried to make her see the sights

Me, I like the Swiss Alps souvenir gift shops

However, Lolita was more interested in buying little cheap things and fun stuff rather than sightseeing

Late night, midnight radio show talks

When travelling late, they would have had the radio for entertainment

Him and me, a big jailbreak

The jailbreak references Humbert’s actions would should keep him in prison but he is on the run from the law

Ponytail and lollipops, dinnerettes and soda pops

Ponytails are big for the fifties era and are a fun, youthful hairstyle (at least in this song’s context)

New blue bathing suit, ruched tops and Cadillacs

Humbert would buy Lolita new clothes a lot, including swimsuits for hot weather (blue being a sad shade again) and ruched tops that were a cute style of the era; Lana does love Cadillacs

Blue lake, car to docks, hopscotch, hot talk

There was a lake in the start of the story of Lolita, before the road trip began; car to docks shows how they go from travelling to the next sightseeing place they stop at, a dock being a place to board a boat and escape; hopscotch mixed with hot talk shows how Lolita goes from childish games to inappropriate discussion, so her innocence is lost

Alabama hard knocks, motel brass locks

Alabama may be one of the many places they travelled and hard knocks are tough situations, so Lolita would have had to experience some unpleasant things during her travels; the motel brass locks show she is trapped behind those closed doors, and unable to escape