#I mean it's kinda fucked to be rejected out of a safe place as a kid for being hostile because of your/your friends' gr--mer

[oddogoblino]

Ever get mildly irked at a take on how to respond to something bad only to realize you literally practice it yourself without thinking? Because you learnt from trial and error growing that revenge even on people who abused you just doesn't work and makes you feel stupid and evil?

[pomegranatesarchive]

queen shit | max verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x pageant queen! reader

summary: max verstappen mets you, his long term celebrity crush at a charity event.

notes; someone request this but i accidentally posted it before i finished and had to delete it…i hope this finds you anon

liked by rupaulofficial, maxverstappen, mclaren, and 913,047 others!

yoursername: very successful event tonight, many thank you's to all those who attended and donated, much love 💜

view comments below!

user1: by very successful she means that she just raised over 20 million dollars for family's in need. 20 million dollars. TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS.

user2: QUEEN. SHIT.

user3: i love rich people actually putting their money and status to work

user4: my goat 💪💪

user5: there were SO MANY different celebrities there

user6: and she definitely did NOT know all of them!

user7: probably just invited them so more money could be donated 😭

user8: was the most random people too, like kim kardiashian?? mitski??? f1 drivers??? hockey players??

user9: no seriously. because why was i watching the livestream only to see george russell dancing in the background. very horribly may i add

georegrussel|63: thank you for the invite! i had the time of my life!

yoursername: of course george! thank you for the donating :) <3

user10: they’re friends???

user11: some of yall are FAKE FANS. yn and george have been friends for YEARS. he even posted her when she won miss universe and many times after

user12: i wasn't even alive when she won miss universe...

user13: PAUSE.

user14: WHAT ARE YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA? THIS IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU

user15: YOURE SIX?? AND CAN SPELL??

user16: are we all going to pretend like max didn't just meet his celebrity crush?

user17: most people here don't know who he is 😭

user18: "meet" is a STRETCH, he stood behind her all night just staring...

user19: yeah it was actually kinda sad

user20: f1twt is CLOWNING HIM SO HARD RN

user23: 3x world champion and he's too scared to go up to his celebrity crush

user24: OKAY GUYYYSSS BUTTT this is his first time seeing her in person! ofc he was shocked, maybe next time he'll actually go up to her?

landonorris: thanks for the invite!

georgerussell63: you were my plus one?

landonorris: SHHHH

georgerussell63: in fact, everyone on the grid got personally invited, except you?

landonorris: STOP AIRING OUT MY BUSINESS

user27: yn definitely didn't invite him directly just so lando could be embarrassed like this

alex_albon: best thai food ever (other then my moms) thank you for the invite!

user25: yeah we saw they way your scarfed that shit down

user26: acting like it was the last fucking supper

yourusername: thank you for coming alex! (and for taking home the leftovers)

user28: HE TOOK HOME THE LEFT OVERS?

maxverstappen1: hi

georgerussell63: oh no

landonorris: no way he does it

charles_leclerc: i believe in you max

carlossainz55: don't hype him up! max don't do it. don't embarrass yourself like this

oscarpiastri: i say go for it max

yourusername: hi max :)

georgerussell63: omg omg OMG

maxverstappen1: would you like to go on a date with me?

landonorris: oh he did it...

carlossainz55: NOOO

charles_leclerc: yay max!

user29: it's been 10 hours and still no response...

liked by georgerussell63, and 762,091 others!

yourusername: pretty sunset 🌅

view comments below!

user30: is that…a man?

user31: this makes max being rejected so much more humiliating

user32: SHE HAS A WHOLE BOYFRIEND?? 😓

user33: max found sobbing into his pillow

user34: *not clickbait*

georgerussell63: i laughed

user35: GEORGE???

user36: he’s funny for this

user37: max most definitely doesn’t think it’s funny

user38: yns first time soft launching and it’s right after max publicly asks her out…hm!

user39: she was waiting for the funniest moment to do this

user40: QUEEN SHIT

user41: ok but who is this man 🤨

user42: don’t call me delusional…but that hand kinda looks like max

user43: okay granny let’s get you back to the nursing home…

user44: thankful i’m not this delusional

user45: free yn from the max fans…

user46: @/user42 DONT LET THEM SILENCE YOU

landonorris: he cried

yourusername: i cried

landonorris; we crode

user47: okay it’s definitely max

user48: lando knows something

user49: MAX ISNT IN THE LIKES??

user50: it really isn’t him…hes been flirting with her through the likes for years

user51: rip max being the first to like yns post..gone but never forgotten 🕊️

charles_leclerc: hehehe…hehehe…hehe

user52: WHAT DO TOU KNOW CHARLES

user53: don’t fuck with me charles. i am not in the mood.

user54: you can’t convince me that man is not max when all his friends are in the comments section like this

user55: charles istg

alex_albon: i know something 😏

user56: ok. it’s definitely max.

user57: i still don’t think it is…we can’t see his face

user58: but what are the chances she soft launches after max asks her out

user59: she probably did it to be funny?

user60: and it worked! she’s too funny

liked by alex_albon, carlossainz, and 914,058 others!

maxverstappen1: matching sunglasses 🕶️

view comments below!

user61: QUICK, WHOS FEET DO THOSE LOOK LIKE

user62: oh max…

user63: okay so! it’s either max and yn DID go on that date, or yn has a bf and max posted this to save himself

user64: i realllyyy hope max and yn did go on that date because if max posted this just to save himself the embarrassment….

user65: what if this isn’t even a girl, and it’s one of max’s friend pretending to be a girl 😭

user66: i can see charles pretending to be the girl

user67: HE SO WOULD

charles_leclerc: those are NOT my toes 🤕

user68: okay but no one on the grid has skinny little girl hands like this

user68: logan does

logansargent: ?

user68: well this is awkward

georgerussell63: well well well

user69: THIS CAN MEAN MANY THINGS GEORGE!! IS THIS YN OR NOT

user70: i don’t think it’s yn. she’s too pretty for max.

comment liked by georgerussell63

user70: GEORGE LIKED??

user71: so it’s NOT yn?

user72: but he could mean it in a “they are dating but she’s too pretty for him” way

user73: GRRRR

carlossainz55: i can’t believe it

user74: WHAT. WHAT CANT YOU BELIVE CARLOS

user75: you can’t believe that yn and max actually went out?? or you can’t believe max got a another girl after being publicly rejected??

user76: they’re like giving us hints but at the same time they’re not??

user77: THEYRE PLAYING WITH US

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 802,520 others!

maxverstappen1: i’m dating a pageant queen and you’re not! 

view comments below!

user78: FINALLY!

user79: could’ve just said this earlier..

user80: could’ve saved us the trouble 😒

carlossainz55: i still can’t believe it

user81: SO HE DID MEAN IT IN A “can’t believe you actually got her” WAY

maxverstappen1: you have no faith in me :(

carlossainz55: correct!

charles_leclerc: i believed in you max!

maxverstappen1: thank you charles 😄

carlossainz55: he’s lying, he bet €50 you wouldn’t get a text back

maxverstappen1: THAT BASTARD

charles_leclerc: IT DIDNT SEEM LIKE YOU WERE GOING TO GET A REPLY! I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD TIME TO WIN €50 AND I WOULD’VE GIVEN YOU HALF?

user83: i could be dating a pageant queen, you don’t know me

user84: are you?

user83: am i what?

user84: dating a pageant queen?

user83: no

user84: what is wrong with you

user85: i love how nobody was hating, we all just wanted to know if max x yn was happening

user86: max has gotten his dream girl…WE CHEERED

user87: years later and lot of instagram likes, we DID IT 👏

user88: we?

user89: i was there almost 8 years ago when max put his first like on yns post, so yes! WE

user90: thank god for that charity event

liked by maxverstappen1

yourusername: former pageant queen

maxverstappen1: you’ll always be a pageant queen in my eyes 🥰

landonorris; simp

maxverstappen1: mad you don’t have a girlfriend?

user91: WOAH GIRLFRIEND?

user92: girl what did you think was going on here

user91: I DIDDNT KNOW THEY MADE IT OFFICIAL

liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo, and 715,047 others!

yourusername: i’m dating a 3x wdc and you’re not!

view comments below!

user92: please don’t rub it in

user93: i’m soooo happy for you guys (sarcasm)

user93: yes i’m jealous

danielricciardo: actually i am dating a 3x wdc and his name is max verstappen

yourusername; really? because max verstappen is is laying on me right now

danielricciardo: that’s a clone. the REAL max verstappen is laying to my right.

yourusername: this is what we call schizophrenia 🥰

user94: you guys are so cute! (i’m jealous, i’m so fucking jealous)

user95: max started dating his celebrity crush of 8 years in 8 days! we did it joe! we did it

user96: they won’t last. they’re moving to fast.

user97: they’re both grown adults who know what they want 🤷‍♀️

maxverstappen1: that’s me!

yourusername; that’s you!

georgerussell63: yeah max we have EYES.

maxverstappen1: don’t be pissy because yn likes me more now

georgerussell63: she does NOT

maxverstappen1: you keep thinking that 😇

charles_leclerc: i always knew he could do it!

maxverstappen1: no you didn’t. stop lying to me.

charles_leclerc: IM SORRY. I WAS GOING TO SHARE THE €50 WITH YOUUU.

maxverstappen1: I DONT CARE @/oscarpiastri is the ONLY know who truly believed in me

oscarpiastri: i bet €100 against you

maxverstappen1: I CANT TRUST ANYONE

alex_albon: does this mean we’ll be invited to more charity events?

user98: you’re just thinking of the food 😐

alex_albon: …yeah

maxverstappen1: 😁🥰👊😏🔥💕🤗

user99: bro starts dating his celebrity crush and forgets how to act

user100: me if i was dating oscar

. . .

notes: thank you for the request! (even though i accidentally deleted it)

[pokegalla]

Requested/traded by @veiled-rebel

Oooooo more options to choose from on this! Plus a something i resonate with✨

(Also. I’m aware that Alastor is Aro/Ace. Just read it as platonic if you’d like!)

Hazbin boys with an S/o that noms affectionately!

Lucifer:

* Listen he already has seen all TYPES of affection! From his wife! And well the couples from those tv shows and his duck operas! (……he’s depressed leave the poor man alone-) but….nomming is definitely new.

* First time you did it, he legit screamed before realizing it was you. He’s like baby why-? You scared the shit out of me- bro thought his rubber ducks came to life and chose violence-

* But he soon learns that you just do it to show affection. And he learns this when he saw your face looking up at him from sheer adoration mid nom. And oh how could he say no to that precious face?❤️ he lets you do it anytime you want comfort or simply to show him how much you love him.

* So whenever you’re feeling down and you suddenly stop nomming, he’s rushing with a shitton of gifts to see if you’re ok and is ready to make you feel better.

* At this point he’s used to it and feels so loved whenever you’re around….

Alastor:

* Honestly I feel like he’s heard about nomming and had no idea what the hell it was. Until he met your ass. Now he’s wondering how he managed to get someone like you in his life-

* First time you are extremely lucky you didn’t fucking die- he barely lets people touch him unless you’re close to him. Which you are…..But you snuck up on him on this one. Lesson learned-

* He’s very confused when you explain it to him too. Like why ARE you doing this? Affection? Are you mentally ok-? He’s probably gonna need a little convincing but hey enough pestering and he’ll let you nom to your heart’s content (if it will shut you up-)

* But he ends up learning your emotional habits through noms. Sad? Your noms get less motivated and almost stops completely. Excited? You get that goofy smile on your face. Mad? Almost nomming his hand off- he makes mental notes of it.

* Safe to say, nomming actually got you closer to the radio demon. Such an odd turn of events!

Husk:

* He’s heard of nomming. Probably from some random person at the bar mentioned it. He finds it….well a weird ass conversation starter. But when he mentioned it to you and that he didn’t get it, you gladly showed him!

* And first time was definitely fucking hilarious. He let you nom his shoulder….and in return you got cat hair in your mouth for being a little too overzealous. Shit had Husk laughing for a hot minute-

* But overtime you were more careful and nommed places that were covered or with less hair. And overtime….he actually kinda enjoys it. Very chill about it. You could nom him mid conversation and he’d still just just talk like nothing happened-

* Though the moment you slow down because you feel sad? BOOM. Le kitty actually noms you! Which is probably shocking considering Husk’s grumpy ass. It was so cute, you forgot why you was upset-

* Talk about a happy win-win situation!!!

Angel Dust:

* Imma be straightforward…..he thought it was a sex thing. And hard to blame him. I mean the shit he’s seen and experienced? Nomming sounds too fucking innocent to not be horny-

* Buuuut first time you did it, he was completely caught off guard when you just suddenly lunged at his free hand. And yet….huh. It wasn’t TOO bad. He didn’t expect it to be gentle. He’s definitely gonna make a dirty joke about you being kinky-

* He never rejects your noms either. He just pats your head as if reciprocating your affection. He can’t help it! You just look like a little cutie when you do it! And your silly lil face you make? You’re his special lil goofball! Oh man he is gushing isn’t he?

* Bro be ready to gun down buildings if you’re sad and stop your noms. But if you’re just not feeling it? Shit say less. He’ll nom you! He’s so gentle too, not wanting to hurt you with his sharp teeth….but teases the shit out of you the moment you blush. He can’t help it :3

* He’s just a spidey boy in love. And any affection of yours is ok with him!

Sir Pentious:

* He’s….definitely not gonna know nomming. Or a lot of ways to show affection in general. He’s old school and inexperienced hun. But he has the determination. And that’s enough to you✨

* Though first time he did scream bloody murder, act like he was dying dramatically, then realize it was just you. So of course he asks what the heck was that for?! Once you explain it, he listens intently….and vows to practice the arts of nomming!

* So there goes a back and forth nomming session that happens ever so randomly- mostly him just trying to learn how to nom you carefully. Because have you seen his teeth??? He does learn though! And he actually finds it as fun as you do!

* Awwww but when you stop the sessions, he will demand his egg boys to prepare his chambers! So you and him and the egg boys cuddle up until you feel better. Which cmon it’s hard not to gush seeing how cute this is-

* He really lovesssss you a whole lot :D (that was an awful joke- :’D)

[plush-rabbit]

Cookies and Cream

I saw someone on the jonathan ohnn x reader tag ask for angst and rejection and im kinda in a mood (when am i not tbh) so here’s a snippet!! 

Word Count: 2.5K

A/N: Realistically, i would like take a chance, but like also if my partner showed up with spots and no clothes, i’d be like oh:^) im about to make an important decision:^)

He’s a nerd- that’s a given with his profession and PhD, but he’s a dorky type of nerd that makes you smile. You like to think that you have a nice relationship with the doctor. He’s cute and awkward. He knows what you like and dislike.

You remember him buying you chocolate- the cookies and cream type- and knew that there was something going on when you don’t eat the candy. Explaining how you have such an aversion to spotted things always seemed silly when explaining to others- you always tripped over your words or never explained it properly- but he sat and listened. He nodded, and never brought you cookies and cream chocolate ever again.

Jonathan was considerate. He was a sweetheart, always so gentle and only really let his guard down when around you. 

It’s been days since the Super-Collider exploded and it’s been days since you heard from Jonathan. You tried not to fear the worst; you reasoned to yourself that if something had happened, something bad, you would have been notified. 

You’re in the middle of scouring various articles for any mention of the deceased or lost and his name doesn't pop up. Your mouth pulls into a thin line and you groan, throwing your head back in an attempt to let out your frustration.

“Any sign of him would work out just fine,” you mumble to yourself. You pull yourself back, an arm going across to rub at your shoulder. “I just-” tears prick at your eyes. You want him to be safe. Alive. Here with you. “Please,” you beg under your breath. You just want your partner with you. 

In the room, you hear a soft plop. When you look back at the room, there’s a person in a white suit standing in your living room. You scream, grabbing at the nearest object- the television remote- and chuck it at the intruder. They yelp in response, moving awkwardly to the side, throwing something dark at the object and the remote clashes beside you, batteries spilling out.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!�� The person screams, hands covering their head. “I should have said something, but I only just came in.”

“Get the fuck out!” You reach for your phone, unsure if you’re going to call the police or throw it away. 

“Please don’t throw it at me.” He says your name with familiarity and disgust pools in your stomach. “I’m sorry- really, I am. I just- I don’t have your key with me and I thought knocking would’ve freaked you out more and I know I look different but-”

“Who the hell are you?” You hiss, holding the phone tight in your hand. 

“It’s me,” he says, as if that answer is anything useful. “It’s me, Jonathan,” he clarifies. After a moment where he’s positive you won’t throw anything, he pulls his arms down, and stands tall in your living room. All air escapes your lungs, and you hold whatever is left, unable to move as your phone slips from your hand and drops to the floor next to the remote. “Hi,” he says softly.

You wish you could run to him, but you’re rooted in place. With a good look, you aren’t sure what to make of him. His face is gone- hidden beneath white and a singular black spot that covers what should be his features. You can’t trust this to be your Jonathan.

“Prove it,” you mutter. You clear your throat, and stand straight, puffing out your chest. “Prove it,” you repeat with an ounce of force. Your hands curl into fists, and your heart races in your chest. “Take off the mask.”

The person in front of you laughs awkwardly, raising a hand to scratch at his neck. “I- I can’t do that.”

“I’m calling the cops,” you say, hoping that you’d be quick enough to grab your phone, unlock it, and call for the authorities. 

“No, no! I mean, uh- you like it when I kiss your hand. You kiss my palm and I press it against my lips, and when I kiss your hand you always kiss at the spot,” he says in a rush of words. “Sometimes eating strawberries is a struggle for you, so I make sure to cut them up. Um- uh,” he turns his head around as if the answers to his identity are painted on the walls. “You have this mole on you and I always kiss it when we-”

“Oh my gosh.” You interrupt him, and there’s a chill going through your body. “Jonathan?” He nods, taking a step forward. “What- What are you wearing?”

He freezes in his spot, and stands straight. “I’m not wearing anything. I- Something bad happened back at Alchemax. I mutated with a black hole and-” he lifts his arms up in a show of himself- “I’m this. It’s skin.” He pinches at a part of his arm and pulls, and it stays connected to him.

“Skin?” You hiss out, staring at him up and down. “What do you mean?”

“It was Spider-man. He- he did this and now I look like this- but-” he shakes his head and takes a step towards you- “I’m home. I’m sorry. I know you wanted to move in with me but uh-some things happened and-” he pauses when he notices you haven’t stopped staring at him. “I know I look different, but it’s me. You know me.” He says your name softly, and you can hear the smile in his voice even though there’s no mouth. When you don’t speak, he presses further. “Please. Please say something.”

“What do you want me to say?” You ask, and it comes out cold.

“Tell me that you’re happy to see me,” he offers. When you don’t make a sound, he gives another option. “Ask if I’m okay.”

You weren’t entirely sure if you were happy to see him. You think you are. You should be. You wanted to see him just moments ago. You should have specified that you wanted to see your partner as your partner and not some mutated person. 

Taking another glance, your stomach drops at all the spots- all the holes that cover his body. You should be happy. You should be holding him and asking if he’s okay. You should be thanking the stars that he’s in front of you. But you can’t. And you won’t. Not when the sight of him makes you nauseous. 

You can’t look at him. It’s too many spots- too many holes. You think you’re going to be sick. You remember telling him how you hated spots- trypophobia is what he told you it was. You couldn’t eat cookies and cream flavored anything because of the spots, on bad days, strawberries made you sick. He knew that. He knows that. He’s the one who was always so careful to not give you so many punctured items. But he’s here now and you hate it. 

Guilt eats at you. It makes you nauseous, and scared. You wish you could look at him. He croaks out your name, and even without a face, you can tell that he’s crying. Your teeth are clenched, molars pressing into each other, and when you peek, you turn away again. No. You can’t look at him. Not when he’s like this. Not when he’s not Jonathan. 

“Please,” he croaks. You hate how your name sounds on his tongue. It’s pathetic and sniveling, and you can’t help but swallow the bile that burns your throat. “It’s still me. It’s still your Jonathan. I- I know I look different, but I- I’m sorry.”

“Jonathan,” you say, spit laying heavy on your tongue, “looking different is like a scar or bleaching your hair. You-” you gesture to him- “don’t even look-” human. He doesn’t look human, but even as you’re close to being sick, you can’t tell him that. That would be going too far. “You don’t even have eyes.”

With his long legs- too long to ever have been human- he takes quick strides towards you. His stomach touches the edge of the couch, and you see the spots swirl, contracting in size, and erratic as he speaks. 

You’re going to have to wash the couch- somehow.

“I can still see!” You shut your eyes tight when he speaks. “I- I don’t have anyone else.” His voice quivers. Closing your eyes was a mistake- it still sounds like him. It is him, but it isn’t. “I thought you- you wanted to move in with me.” The sentence breaks your heart. His voice makes you want to hold him like you did nights ago.

The air is cold and it makes your skin rise with goosebumps. You wonder for a moment if his skin does the same, but the mental image of it makes you regret even thinking about it- about him. Your lungs fill with air, and you have to brace yourself to look at him.

Looking at him is so much worse than you could have imagined. The spot in the middle of his face is deflated near the top, and he’s sad. Him expressing emotions with a spot makes everything so much worse. The dark of it spirals, the edges of it fading into a small cluster of spots that reminds you of poorly mixed cookies and cream. It takes all of you to look at him. 

“I wanted to move in when you-” when he looked human- “when you had a job. When you - where even if you lost the job, you could- I don’t know, find another one.” You’re shallow. You wish you weren’t. You wish it were another poor soul that got infected with spots.

“Please,” his voice is fragile, tense and heavy, and his hands rise, and they’re loosely wrapped around your own, until you pull back, scrambling to get away. 

“Don’t!” You hold your hands in a clawed pose, shaking until they form into fists. “Don’t,” you whisper out, pulling your arms closer to your body and further away from him.

His body is shaking, shoulders rising and falling, and there are these broken gasps of air coming from him. He’s calling your name, pleading for you to accept his apologies. He feels bad about touching you, and you can’t help but want to wash your skin until it burns. 

“I’m sorry,” he wheezes out. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Please-” your name sounds broken when he speaks it out loud- “I promise I’ll find a way to reverse this. We can figure it out. You- You said that you would take care of me when I was sick.” 

“Sick, Jonathan,” you spit out, unable to stop yourself from glaring at the man across from you. “Like the cold or something serious like a broken bone or fucking radiation poisoning. Fuck!” You look away from him, and catch his reflection in a piece of furniture. It’s warped and unsightly. “It was shit like that Jonathan.” Tears pool in your eyes- burning and overflowing, and your face scorches under all your emotions. “Not this. Not when you don’t look-” you have to say it, it’s lodged in your throat, and it’ll stay stuck there until you get rid of it now- “human.” You’re the absolute worst- you’re sure of it. 

Your name is called once more. You hiccup and keep your gaze away from him. “It’s still me,” he says in a low voice, hurt interlaced into every letter. “We can- I know that this is new and it’ll take some getting used to, but we can make it work.” You stay silent, biting on the inside of your cheeks to keep yourself from crying. “I wouldn’t leave you if the situations were reversed.” You flinch, and you hate that you know he’s speaking the truth. He wouldn’t leave you. Not when you needed him the most. You wish the building would crumble and you’d be crushed by stone and pipes. “I won’t bring this up ever again. We can figure it out, and I’ll never hold this against you. I promise. We can start fresh.” He so desperately clings to the relationship, and you both know that if you were to move forward, you could never forget this conversation. He could never forget how you were so quick to abandon him. “I promise.”

It’s selfish. You do this for yourself. You want to live a life that doesn’t involve hiding a man who is longer human. “I want to go out on dates. I want to watch a movie.” You turn to him, and the tears burn themselves into your skin. “I want my friends to see you.” You shake your head and take a step back, furthering yourself from the man before you. “I can’t do this, Jonathan.”

He shakes his head, and you wish that you cared for him the way that he cared for you. “We can do that. I can do that.” He takes a step forward, and you take another step back. “I- I can wear clothes and hide myself and we can go out.” The spots on his body swirl, expanding and moving across his body. They break apart at the edges, scattering smaller spots across him, and it makes the acid in your stomach fill your mouth. “Don’t do this,” he pleads. “Please.” He’s crying, and you hate that you can’t bring yourself to comfort him. 

“I can’t see you anymore, Jonathan.” You turn yourself away from him. “I mean it. I can’t-” you wave a hand towards his direction- “I need you to leave Jonathan.”

“You can’t be serious.” You don’t answer, and that in itself is an answer. “I- I thought you would still want me.” You flinch at the words. You thought the same too. “Please don’t do this. I promise, you won’t see my holes. You can cover me and I’ll- I’ll hide and-”

“Jonathan,” you say curtly. “I need you to go.” You refuse to look at him. “Please, Jonathan. Just- Just get out.” Even in your worst of fights with him, you had never kicked him out, and now when he needs you the most, you kick him out. You wish that someone would put you out of your misery.

There’s a pause in the room, and you can hear his ragged breathing. “I thought you loved me.” You refuse to answer. “I love you.” You grit your teeth and shut your eyes until organic shapes in different colors swirl behind your eyelids. The confession makes you bite your tongue. 

It’s silent for a long time, and when you open your eyes, you’re alone in your home. The only evidence that gave away that something bad happened was the television remote and your phone that lay on the floor. A sob cracks through your chest, and you smother it with your hand, forcing yourself not to cry. Not now. Not when it was you that demanded the break-up. You wanted him, but not when he was this- when he was that. You wanted your Jonathan.

[death-himself]

EPISODE 5 THOUGHTS LETS GO

this series just keeps getting better and better istg

(also I think the only spoilers for non-book readers are at the very end so feel free to read)

the switch to annabeth seeing the fates after thinking percy might've died is INCREDIBLE, I love that change. the fates always seemed a bit out of place in the book so it's nice to see them actually add something to the plot

percy acts kinda different after climbing out of the river, which makes sense, but it's weird seeing him kinda happier and more hopeful

was i the only one who thought that percabeth hug kinda paralleled percy and sally's hug in the first episode? maybe it was just one of them being soaking wet and the other being dry

them hiding when ares comes by because they're hiding from the police is funny

also them popping their heads up to talk to him was adorable

"gimme a second, I'm starting a fight on twitter" CRYING

not too big of a fan of gabe's portrayal in this episode, i feel like they should've kept in how quickly he moved onto another woman to up his shittiness in a disney-safe way

that "i really-we really loved that car" was funny tho, and does make him a bit shittier, so I'll give him that. the fake crying could have been more clearly fake, but that's probably just me being bad at reading emotions

when i saw the clip of grover having to stay behind i didn't really like that change, but now watching the episode i really like it. i loved the grover-ares interaction this episode

i love the whole theme park being made by hephaestus, idk why there's something really cool about that

also i really wanna go there i don't even really like amusement parks but that place looked cool as hell

annabeth getting distracted by how cool the mechanics are she's so adorable i love her so much

the explanation of celestial bronze felt a bit random but they needed to include it somewhere so I'm fine with it

what did ares mean when he said protestor?? there were protestors at the solstice?? what does that mean??

grover hyping ares up and getting on his good side to get information out of him loved that

BABY DON'T HURT ME PLAYING ON THE TUNNEL OF LOVE PLSSS

the tunnel of love showing the story of hephaestus's life is so funny to me, like damn ares and aphrodite went on the ride showing the sad life of the guy aphrodite's cheating on??

like that ride was definitely made with revenge on aphrodite in mind that's funny

"she was trying to keep me away from you guys" that adds something to someone's character and i love that. sally recognizing how terrible the gods are and never wanting percy to have to deal with that

also percy looking to annabeth when he said that. like he knows that she's also a part of this awful cycle of abuse, which adds even more to her rejecting that cycle later in the episode

in terms of casting hephaestus is my second favorite of the olympians aside from dionysus, purely because i've loved his outfit from the moment we got that first picture of him, so this episode is exciting for me

including the chair hephaestus built for hera, idk why but i love that so much. could go into how the gods traumatized hephaestus but i think the episode implies that enough

"was [athena] always like that?" i was expecting them to go into how athena might have also been traumatized by zeus but nope it just turned into a shit-on-athena round, which was objectively better

"if she's so smart explain the owl" i loved this conversation it's so fuckin funny

"and i (no owl) am not?!" they're making me love ares fuck

i know there's a reason behind it, but the back-to-back episodes of percy supposedly dying and sacrificing himself for annabeth felt a bit much. i feel like there should've been a bit more room between those, but that's just my opinion (i don't really know what they could've done instead that'd be better)

I DIDN'T EVEN CATCH THE FIRST SEAWEED BRAIN MY FIRST WATCH WAIT HOLD UP

"this isn't the arch seaweed brain, you aren't pushing me into the stairwell again" "yes i am" STOP I LOVE THEM

"you're better at this than me. you just are" CRYING STOP

i can already imagine the edits those are gonna break me

percy getting incased in gold looked so damn cool it felt so mechanical

annabeth not even going for the shield and immediately trying to get percy out

ngl i was fully expecting annabeth to be able to do it, i didn't even doubt her getting him out herself, so i was kinda thrown off by hephaestus showing up

annabeth and hephaestus's whole conversation was just incredible

"maybe i was that way once. but i don't wanna be that way anymore. i won't be like all of you" i can see the edits

"some of us don't like being that way either" i just love hephaestus i love how this episode implies that some of the gods are victims of the cycle of abuse too

the inside of the zoo truck looks waayyy more cramped than i was imagining it all these years

spoilers for people who haven't read the book past this point

grover knowing who the thief is?? he can't know who it actually is, that'd spoil the entire plot-twist, but then who would it be?? luke and clarisse are literally the only named campers not on the quest so far, so unless ares claimed his own daughter stole the bolt, there's no one else that would be a satisfying red herring

i trust this show to not give away luke being the thief until the last episode, so now I'm just very curious what grover's gonna say

i loved this episode so much, my only concern is they haven't mentioned the whole "gods don't have DNA thing" yet, and considering that they really leaned into the family dynamic thing, it's a bit concerning

like please, for the sake of the new fans and their percanny or smartwater, please tell them percy and annabeth aren't really related it's starting to get weird

[skayafair]

Episode 6 Rewatch

Well the past impression didn't lie, ep 6 is pretty heart-wrenching.

The highlights:

Want to hug Crystal, Monty and Edwin one by one and altogether 😖

Crystal because of how desperate she sounded when saying "yes I'm nothing special so LEAVE ME ALONE" - I'm not sure if she meant it or not, but the will to admit anything, no matter how humiliating it is if it means relief, that her stalker would finally fuck off, - was enough to feel for her so much. Crystal is so cool and this was such a raw scene 😭

Also her safe place that will be with her i matter what, no matter any mistakes - you just CAN'T go wrong with it, it's THIS unconditional - and is at the same time has been within her all along still makes me tear up. I lack this - confidence, acceptance, just some inner grounds to stand on. Of course I create it by the power of will and mind, but gods I wish I could have smth like this. So that final understanding - it's been inside you all along - is what does it for me. I know this scene is supposed to show the power of Crystal's ancestry, that she always has her roots and they are good and strong, and this is very important. But I come from a different background and am not really attached to both my family lines, so to me this scene was about finding the inner grounds within oneself, self-acceptance and learning to be compassionate towards oneself unconditionally. No one will give it to you (in adult life there's no such thing as an unconditional love if the relationship is healthy), you have to do it yourself first and foremost. So it was very... therapeutic.

Akso I kinda envy Charles because he got to protect Crystal and kick that demon's ass. The scene was so well-built that I really wanted to do that myself. This doesn't happen often. You go Charles! <3

Now, Monty - because of what I was talking about in my previous rewatch post, mostly him coping with rejection (badly, which is normal for a teenager even if he's a magical one and especially when he's been a crow just a few days ago and all this feelings stuff is new), finding a new light when Edwin said he still cares a great deal, the quarrel (Edwin I know why you went into a defensive mode and don't judge you for that but I'm still JUDGING ON AVERAGE who's older between you two?!) and then just... spilling all the beans to Esther while KNOWING she won't take it well. Did he feel suicidal or something? 🥹

I also want to talk about this:

But that's a topic for another post and not just about DBD.

And, finally, Edwin. Save for his immature "you're still a crow" (again, completely understandable but I'm still judging) he's been coping like a king. Having a talk with Monty (also I guess it's a parallel with how he will feel in ep 7 after his confession to Charles 🥹), telling the Cat King off (MORE angry Edwin who doesn't hold back, pls, that was A SIGHT ❤️‍🔥 I generally like it A LOT how he's gradually unwinding as the series goes, letting out his emotions one by one - fear, anger, swearing - it's a very good and not that easy to learn thing), apologizing to Crystal (and their dynamic in general, pls I like it so much), and finally gathering his courage to talk to Charles and confess his feelings, not letting any of Charles' assumptions sway him from this decision. The last one is the most raw, I was just clenching my fists and tensing all over. I know how hard and terrifying it is to admit something to your partner, your best and closest friend, to the person you treasure the most in the world - something that may make you lose them. But also Edwin was absolutely right - once you recognize these feelings, it's nearly impossible to keep them in. I did so for months and they were eating me inside out, so I can't help admiring his courage. Yes this whole situation hits very close to home for me in more ways than one, why

Another highlight is Niko's reconciliation with Jenny. I really like the way it was handled because yes, Niko was wrong to meddle and she should learn to respect others' boundaries, no, Jenny wasn't obliged to have a talk with her. But Niko is a teenager who's not that great socially-wise (and autistic-coded), she's just learning how to navigate all this, and I understand her drive to help people, to do good very well. She made a mistake with a terrible aftermath and has to learn her lesson AND to take the responsibility. And Jenny CHOSE to give her this opportunity - probably because she recognized the situation as something similar that happened to her some time in the past, onky by the looks of it there was no one there for her, so she didn't want Niko to suffer the same. This plot line is beautiful no matter what side you look at it from. It's kind, and gods know we could all use as much kindness as possible now.

The forest elemental my dear <3

Also, what does PLV 4s mean?

P.S. During this episode I started noticing Charles positively staring at Edwin. The whole Monty's entrance sequence on the roof? Charles didn't take his eyes off Edwin, it was A LONG stare. Like. Sorry bro there was nothing straight about it, and I'm not even crazy about the ship in the first place because I've been on either side of their povs and both aren't great. So I'd say I have as little bias as possible in this case and it was still NOTHING STRAIGHT. Bro. Your bi awakening is obviously waiting for you in s2 if it happens.

[dreamwritesimagines]

bucky opened up 🥹 he actually said itttttt, I thought the "I'll make sure you get that crown" was the closest we'd get to a confession at least for now but he actually said it 😭😭 now they both know omgggg I wonder what they're gonna do with this information and if they're gonna fuck it up somehow :)))

also Rhett may be a problem but damn someone really needed to put Ian in his place like that AGES ago, it's one thing knowing your cousin and all "her friends" don't respect you, but for someone from the outside so to speak to come over, take a look at you, deem you laughable, and say it to your face so bluntly, that must have stung in a different way omggg 💀 also in this context why would you say to someone "you need to respect me" literally that sounds so pathetic and childish Ian has absolutely no idea what he's doing! in this context respect is EARNED! you can't just tell someone to respect you that just makes you look so stupid omg he's so annoying

also my love what do you mean Logan called Sunshine princess 😭😭 and I love her so much, she goes "isn't this fun? we're explorers!" while stressed out of her mind and having a terrible morning, ugh she's so cute and she's the best mom ever I literally got a little bit emotional over it bc that's just how many young mothers are really 🥹 always trying to keep things positive for their kids, I think you're capturing that perfectly!

she's so cute she shows gratitude by hugging 😭😭 idk how Logan is gonna keep it together honestly she's so cute and funny, but also poor woman she's horny af I bet she loves sabrina carpenter 💀 and I'm 100% with her ok I deserve jail time for the thoughts that came to my mind when he said "are you always this polite princess" ???????? like sir imma need you to tone it down or you'll get me arrested ugh he's so flirtyyyyy he called her pretty and why do I feel like maybe his love language is acts of service???? like every grumpy man in the world?????

anyways love THANK YOU for the improvement on my weekend and my Monday, you're really giving us the best content anyone could ask for!!!! 🩷🩷🩷

OMG OMG LOVEEEE, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! ❤️

Bucky totally said it! ❤️ And he was so so sure that Charm would turn him down, or reject him like he rejected her 😏

Oh Rhett was sooo so right to say it to Ian's face! 😂 Like, Charm and Bucky and all others, they were being kinda soft on him without even realizing purely because of Charm's father, and Rhett did not hold back😈 Chicago rules are different and he does not care whether the person's feelings are hurt at all😏

Respect is definitely earned in that business! ❤️ Like, Rhett earned it, Bucky earned it, Charm is definitely earning it, and Ian just expects people to respect him because of his uncle 😂 And Rhett was like "Nope" 😏

Aaaaaa it's so wonderful to hear that honey! Yesss I think Theo's health, both mentally and physically is the priority for Sunshine, and she is being very careful to make sure he grows up in a very loving and peaceful environment even if her own environment isn't exactly peaceful ❤️ So even if she's stressed out, she will make it look like a game to Theo and keep things totally positive ❤️

Lolll oh Logan is trying to keep it together but between her hugging him, and him sniffing her hair, and her being all cute and rambling with him, he is finding it very hard 😂

Sunshine sooo listens to Sabrina Carpenter ASDFGHJKL I LOVE IT😂

He called her princess! 🥰 He will do that a looooot😏

I totally agree with you on acts of service! ❤️ And Sunshine will be so clueless about it, while Logan is like, fixing everything around her and making sure she's safe and it will be so cuuuute! ❤️

Aaaaaaaa I'm so giggly honeyyyy, thank you so so much! 🥰 You are so sweeeeet! ❤️

[audhdating]

An Awkward Life

It's embarrassing to admit that you're socially incompetent, a term I came across in a research paper on the kind of social rejection I've experienced my entire life.

At the same time, it's kinda reassuring that this is a common experience for those of us with shitty prefrontal cortexes. It means that my social incompetence wasn't due to some personal failure. There's actual fucking research that non-ADHD folks tend to find ADHDers obnoxious, unless we learn to better assimilate.

I am TERRIBLE at assimilating, and not for lack of trying.

At certain points in my life, I've been offered a clean slate: switching schools in 7th grade, high school, college, the end of the two major relationships of my life (which I'll share in more detail later).

Each clean slate, I think it will be different. After all, I've learned my lessons and I've grown as a person. I try to watch what I say and do. I dampen my personality as much as I can in an attempt to suppress any stray weirdness. I've gotten better at not saying ALL the weird (but funny) things I think of.

But as I acclimate to any given relationship, I get comfortable and I let my guard down. I start to be more myself ... and that's when it usually goes wrong.

It's a cycle I've gone through a thousand times in my life with pretty much every relationship I've ever had.

Clearly I am the problem.

And then I read the article above and think that maybe it's not quite me? It's more accurate to call it a common experience for those who share my neurological profile.

It's a painful cycle to get trapped in and this most recent social fallout has me spiraling at times. Since my therapist had to cancel our appointment last Monday, I haven't had an outlet for my despair.

I'm going to use this blog to process my complicated thoughts on the subject of social struggles. But I also put it out there as a safe place for anyone who has similar struggles to share their experiences if you feel so moved. Being rejected when you're rejection sensitive is a lonely, painful thing to go through. I find that talking about it can help address the pain directly, even if it doesn't ease it entirely.

[puff-mmd]

(this is about yakumo btw, this is what i get for pasting discord messages into a tumblr post on my lunch)

i have been thinking about how him and kaisei met, and how their relationship changed over time to what it eventually became before kaisei essentially kicked him to the curb for ciro, and i feel... a little bad for him...

his parents hated that he liked men and made sure he knew of their disapproval, but forced him to stay at home and finish high school (in their eyes the only thing worse than a gay son was a deadbeat gay son)

but it was pretty tortorous for him for at least 2 years before he finally moved out at 18 into his own apartment. it was a run down, crappy place but to him it was better than being berated at home.

i don't think he even told kaisei that was the reason he got a place of his own though, probably more of a veiled "just wanted to be on my own" kind of thing.

and then i thought about kaisei visiting yakumo soon after he moves out, and that's when they kinda...

ended up being intimate for the first time.

and kaisei experiences his first real heartbreak :')

he had a bit of a crush on yakumo already (they were at least friends in school) and after they did it, he asked yakumo to be his boyfriend. in his mind, that made sense - you like someone, they do something that means they like you back, you should date - right?

....except yakumo was already horrified that he actually acted on his feelings that he's been told for years now were wrong and horrible, and he reacted to kaisei's offer with revoltion. even though he liked it, the fact that he did disgusted him - all he could see were his parents disapproving eyes and hear their vulgar comments running through his head.

kaisei keeps himself together and that he hopes they can still be friends at least, but when he gets home (still thinking he lives at home at this point), he ends up spilling what happened to his mom who tries her best to comfort him.

as time goes on, yakumo starts to take on this "fuck my parents they were assholes" attitude and starts to accept his sexuality, but he's still hesitant about being in a relationship, and anytime kaisei would hint at it, he'd still shut him down.

whats killing me a little is after kaisei and ciro get together, i keep thinking how yakumo feels like he pushed away the one person that did make him feel some happiness. that no matter what, kaisei was there for him - even if he didn't understand why when he always rejected him.

(it's because kaisei craves love and affection so much that he does try to find it elsewhere, fails, and also sees yakumo as someone to fall back on)

.....also it just occured to me that yakumos parents probably found out he was gay because he and kaisei did do some things when they were younger, and i imagined for a moment they got caught kissing and well

one of his parents that caught them probably asked kaisei to leave so they could "talk" with yakumo, so he didnt even realize what was going to happen after (kaisei is still young and hasn't been the target of many if any negative perceptions for his own sexuality - he has a loving mom who makes sure he feels safe, and for the most part people at school still think he's cool - even if some of them in private dont like that he's gay)

and yakumo never telling kaisei about all of that verbal and emotional abuse, and if he ever does, its much much later...;;;

[royalmokwamonster]

June 11, 2024 @2:09am

so i think im afraid of shooting my shots whenever i see / matched with a 10 (subjective but can be objective) so that's why i shoot low ~4 or 5 so then rejection isn't that bad when its me turning them down.

that's pretty fucked up to admit friends? idk.

unless i approach ~4 or 5 kinda of people because that's where i rank myself beacause i think i dont deserve a 10, so i humble myslef n go for people "in my lane" ... mediocrity. that's a fucked up theory

would this be the same analogy when a 10 goes for me i think its too good to be true? maybe, idk

why do i think i belong w 4 or 5 kinda of crowd? why am i placing myself in the safe lane... i think that's why last heartbreak w H really got me bc i got myself in the situation of a 5-king od guy rejected me and chose a 4 kinda partnet (no tea no shade, i just seen better)

why do i shoot low in partners? i mean i do like to dominate bc i think i rather sleep w the idea (she's [me] prettier, too good for him, idk why's shes w him) INSTEAD OF did that 10-type of guy settle with me (he's too good for me, he should be w a 10-type of girl, he's doing charity work with me)

i fear to being the joke thus i like to shift the lable of "being the joke in the relationship" to my partner rather than carrying it. im fully aware of how fucked up this sounds and makes me look.

me confessing this shows the reason why i am single and the way i am

i shoot low because im afraid of rejection / or looking like the JOKE with 10-kinds of people. i don't want to be oblivious being the gag of the group, i would want someone to tell me the elepahnt in the room .... bc there will always be something to distinguish someone out of the group. and what pisses me off the most is those ppl who cannot take a hint / read the fkg room that they are the odd duck & inserted themselve. no tf

i think im a 6. people may say otherwise, but no- that's why i go for 4, 5 or 6 because one too many (7,8,9,10) i feel they would be out of my league or too good to be true lol... i would eventually convince myself i dont deserve them since they are way too out of my league and they're with me for a dare

----

another hot take

not all pick-me girls are pretty. lol that's mean

i unfortunately assumed ONLY pick me girls are / have to be pretty in order to have that title

but no

pick-me girls can be ugly (damn, that's double homicide). see that's fucked up to admit too, smn had to say it.

if / when i act like one : i dont mean to do it, im oblivious to how i say things ,,, somone needs to throw me in acid lol

no like i've been recently thibnkng about one bud in school and they way she acts (and althought they were BuLLiEd in HigH sChOOl) boo-hoo everyone has a sob story

the way you "look over for me" yet you snitched my crush to H, try to be the middle bwt H and I, can still tolerate him, and fo other things excluding him (your kind of jokes, the way you say things, handled my anger episode, the way you text or even the way you take photos diagonally and post me even if i look bad)

no one is fooling me- that shit is / will be annoying for me to tolerate but i need to do what i need to do to graduate

[hausofminx]

Met a man at a local bushwick “social club” (literally just a bar)

We struck up a conversation and he told me he didn’t believe in spirituality and corrected me every time I said that I understand his perspective.

“You mean perception” he stated confidently and went on a tangent about the difference.

“No. I definitely meant perspective but thank you for the linguistics lesson” I snipped back.

“You know, you really frustrate me and I think you get off on that” I added.

His goal was obviously to frustrate me as a form of seduction. Kinda worked.

After I saw him sneak into the bathroom with another woman I rejected all of his other advances of the night but still took his number.

A few weeks later he took me on a date. We wound up going to several very nice cocktail bars and he interrupted me every time I tried to answer the questions he asked me, correcting every single thing I said to fit his PERCEPTION of reality.

A few drinks in and he starts telling me he knows how to time travel and he’s a magician then offers me ketamine.

We go back to my place and I refuse to kiss him. He seems frustrated and said that’s why he thought we were at my place.

I rolled my eyes and thought what the hell. I haven’t hooked up with a single person since I’ve been here and I’ve never been with a man 20 years older than me before.

His dick was surprisingly thick and he was rather muscular which made up for the fact that when he kissed me it’s like his whole jaw unhinged and he covered my face in slobber.

We fucked in five different positions but neither of us came because of the ketamine. At the end of the night he said

“We will do this again” and I walked him to the door without being even the slightest bit upset at his absence which shocked me a little because we had just shared a very intimate moment.

This was my first casual one night stand and I felt nothing. Halfway through our sexcapade I realized I was basically just using him as a human dildo and the whole causal sex thing made sense.

The next time we went out together he was already drunk. He took me to his friends “renegade party” and we went on stage with the dj. I found his company to be absolutely lackluster and on the drive home he told me,

“You know I’m not trying to date you”

Yeah. Obviously. I’m not trying to date you either dude.

He asked if he could come up the stairs again. I told him no and reminded him to drive safe as he chugged a water bottle full of White Claw and drove away.

I never saw him again and I hope I never do.

[dumbjackass]

A Long Post

i think I'm "detransitioning" I don't really care what to call it. I just haven't told my partner which is making me anxious. "what if he doesn't love me after? blah blah blah" he probably will still love me but who knows. I just don't want facial hair or for my hairline to recede any farther but all the other shit I'm extremely anxious about losing. I love my high sex drive and energy and muscles and ways of processing emotions. I hate that you can't pick and choose. I want my cake and to eat it too. fight me.

I do oddly crave my curves back. I love my top surgery but I also kinda want boobs again and I'd be fine with implants. My natural chest really upset me though. like I don't care if I'm flat or have boobs just not the ones I had. Although I do worry about curves/femininity triggering trauma. I don't want to feel "owned" and I feel ugly and wrong for admitting that's how femininity feels on me. I know where it comes from I just don't know what to do with it.

Ya know what's also weird? I'm in therapy right, and I fucking hate it. I always end up hating it. I have no idea how to develop a relationship with this stranger that gets paid to listen to me talk. It feels like a lot of people also put this idea of therapy on a pedestal, like if you go you can slowly get "fixed". Most therapists aren't that good though, and I know this through my own personal experience and through hearing about all the awful things others have gone through with it. I also know people who brag about being in it and how they're improving themselves and they fucking suck. They engage in selfish toxic behavior and therapy should not be absolving them of that. ..but yeah therapist are only people and I should talk about this with mine because she doesn't know.

I know I could also go on a lower dose and keep my testosterone at a certain level but how would anyone know what a good level is? I love it but my instincts are telling me to go off of it.

I know a lot of why I transitioned is trauma based and I'm at peace with that NOW. I don't feel ugly being boxy and hairy but I did when I'd try to deny ever being uncomfortable with it if that makes sense?. Like I'd want to rip my skin off and then k*** m*****. But alas I am doing better despite it all. The more you try to reject a feeling the more your body will try to find a way to get it out. But just accepting that I have a feeling about something is making a world of a difference.

I'm not mad about this, or becoming a terf, or right wing lol. I just went through something and am going to continue to. I think what I find frustrating though is there doesn't seem to be a lot of room for discussion because everything is so loaded and folks on both sides think they're so fucking right. No one seems to be compassionate or patient with each other.

I know people who have detransitioned feel wronged by the medical industry -and I wont speak for those who are minors because it is a subject I am not well educated on, I'm only talking about adults right now- I guess my thing is I never trusted it in the first place so I don't feel let down. I don't think the answer is gate keeping. I think if you're an adult you should have the freedom to make your own decisions but we don't have good or accessible treatment for trauma and that's a common thing with detransitioners. there are so many people just raw dog what they went through whether they're in treatment or not I think a lot of folks aren't really processing things. (I mean duh but you know)

Like I think for myself I just couldn't be in the body I was born in/experienced life in so I changed it. And then that body didn't feel like home either but I hated the other one so then it felt like I had no physical body to feel good or safe in and I have no body to properly house my soul. And getting someone to the point of feeling safe in their body when there is evidence and experience to support the feeling of lack of safety is obviously a really hard and complex thing to do.

Im not trying to be blase so much as I'm just trying to surmise what I'm trying to say here with: I think people would heal more if we knew how to talk to know another with out getting defensive or idk what word more specifically gets at what I'm trying to say? Ill figure it out lol...

Anyway I still think trans people are people and deserve rights and humanity (why the fuck is that controversial?) but I think making this an us-verse-them kind of deal would just be wholly unhelpful.

Also I should put this on a platform people actually use lmao.

[firewalkwithme36]

Sometimes growing up means breaking your own heart

A day ago I said good bye to someone my heart never really felt safe with but a little piece of me still kinda wanted it to work. He'd been a complicated person in my life. We worked on/made art together for two years. There was this spark between us that made it exciting to work together, to play in a creative space. But he also let me down with one of those projects. He let me down with so many things, but he surprised me too. He's about four years younger than me and that doesn't mean much if your both in your thirties but it's a lot when you're in your twenties. There's just so much that happens in your life, in your heart and head. It puts a pretty big gap between every year you go through them. And omg do you fuck up so many things, shit you care about. But I guess that means you're putting yourself out there enough to really learn something about who you are.

Anyway, about this guy. We dated a few times and he'd always bail when things got to real and wouldn't really talk about any of it. So after college, after the deep lonely blues really set in and 50 job rejections later, I decided to reconnect with him. I was so nervous the whole time sweat was dripping from my arm pits. We kept in touch for while and then met to talk in person when I moved back to the city he lives in. ( Thats a whole complicated story but I'd lived there before and it was the one I'd have the easiest time more permanently moving to. So I did.) He started to do the same song and dance, so I stopped him and said that I want to actually think about doing this not get back into the same cycles again. It ended with him telling me a few days later he wanted to fall in love with me as a friend. I told him I didn't know if I could do that because I'm not sure my heart works like that and I felt too much that he was asking to cut up his favorite parts of me and our relationship to make it into something easier. Also we would never be just friends, we'd always be moving away from being romantically involved. So it's not like we would really be friends. We'd both get jealous when the other started dating some one new and it also wouldn't be appropriate for anyone we were serious about to meet either of us. Our "friendship" would die off.

Things ended with us spending one last night together not pretending that we were just friends or holding anything back. It was a night of last things. A night of dinner, card games, music, movies, talking, holding each other and sex for the last time. Because there aren't many times that you know when the last time will be the last time and I've had to many hastily done good byes to take one more with some one it didn't work out with but I still have deep love for.

So now it's done and keep wishing and secretly hoping he'll text or call and suddenly he's all in the way I always wished he was and it all just works finally.

But life never is like the movies and so I haven't washed my sheets or pjs he wore just so I still have something around other than me, that he's touched. I sniff the necklace he left me because when my heart is breaking and begging me to talk to him it helps trick my brain into thinking he's still around. I make sure that the sheets are tucked in, pillows placed and the boxers he wore just like he left them for me, because I know taking care of people with the little things is his biggest I love you.

Growing up sucks, It's lonely as hell and there are so many times that it means breaking your own heart so you can get where you're meant to be and become who you want to be.

[anna1306]

I have alittle bit of an angsty/comfort kinda request the poly! Lost boys. What if one night David and s/o got into a very heated argument, over them turning, they just don't feel ready to take such a huge step yet but David keeps insisting. That it's safer and etc. Meanwhile in the background Marko, Paul and Dwayne are trying to calm the situation. Trying to calm both sides down enough to calmly talk it out when David says (or calls them something up to you) absolutely horrible causing everyone to go quite, staring at him in shock. It takes David a couple of seconds to realize what he said but before he or any of the boys can do anything, their s/o teary eyed turns and leaves the cave. They only snap out of their shock when they hear their s/O's engine, driving back to their place. How would David make up for it? What would the three other boys do?

Wrong words

Poly!Lost Boys x Reader

Marko thought that they had lived through uneasy times already. That you came to terms with them being vampires and killing people and that's pretty much it. But now he wasn't so sure that it was fine.

"Maybe we can just have civilised talk." He offered quietly, but his words weren't heard.

"I just don't see why this is such a big deal to you, you are already ours, it's a time question." Yep, he definitely wasn't heard. David still said what he wanted.

"For me it is important, I don't want to go through it now. I have friends-humans, I have a lot to do as a human. Besides I don't think I am ready to... You know... Hunt someone." You sighed, still trying to act calm, even if that was hard with how anxious and emotional David became.

"We can try and search for another way of feeding when they are ready." Dwayne tried to get through to David too. But the so-called leader was too angry at this point.

"What did you expect when you learned the truth, us getting on a diet or that everything would magically turned in your favour?!" David just couldn't understand you and his emotions were getting the best of him.

"Of course not!" You sighed almost exasperatedly. "I just need more time, David, I don't want to become a vampire now."

"Time for what?!"

"I don't... I don't know." You looked to the side, seeing Paul, nervously smiling at you. "Look, I know that you just want to make sure I'm safe, but..."

"You don't know a damn thing." David growled, stepping to you. "What did I even expect from the person who doesn't know anything."

"David, maybe you want some weed and relax..." Tried Paul, but was shut up by only one glare from the platinum blonde.

"What? What do you mean..." You furrowed your brows, not understanding his point.

"I meant what I said!" David returned his look on you. "I don't understand why you reject us all so much, and you can't even explain it. You never can explain anything, because there is no reason for it."

"David, it's enough." Dwayne tried to stop him before he said anything else, but...

"You are just stupid little kid who wants everyone else to make decisions for you. But worse than that - you are spoiled little kid. Because as soon as this is something you don't like, you are suddenly against it. How does it feel - using us?"

"David, what the hell you are talking about?" You asked almost in whisper, not believing what you heard right now from your boyfriend. "I'm not using you, how can you say that?"

"Let's see. You are hanging out with us, we pay or steal for you, solve your problems and conflicts. And you can't even change for us, to be with us!"

"I would never use you!"

"LIAR!" You shunned from him, scared by his scream and a flash of yellow eyes. "You can't make a single fucking decision, you just using us but the minute something is wrong - you are out. You are nothing. No brain behind this eyes. Just stupid, useless little kid who doesn't deserve a single thing. Who constantly whine about everything and how "mama treated them badly". But the minute we are offering the salvation - you refuse, because you only want to whine more. Useless, whiny, hysterical shit!"

He lowered the volume of his voice to the end of his tyrade. But the scream wasn't necessary anymore. You were silent, maybe too silent. Even your heartbeat slowed down. David sighed and looked at you. Only when he saw tears in your eyes, he froze. Suddenly he realised what exactly he said.

Before he could say anything else or react - you were running to the exit. In a minute there was a roar of a car engine outside, slowly getting further. The cave was silent.

"I don't say that often, David. But you are a dick." Dwayne said coldly.

"I..."

"And you call us stupid?"Marko snorted. "Look what you've done."

"I didn't mean it!" David looked at the blonde strictly. "You know that I am worried for them. And I want to be sure that they are safe and with us!"

"And still you accused them and called them names!" Paul shook his head. Dwayne went to the exit.

"Where are you going?"

"After Y/N. They need someone by their side."

"I'm with you." David moved after Dwayne, but brunette turned to him and put hand out, stopping him. David had never seen that kind of glare from Dwayne. Not directed at him at least.

"No. You need to think. And think very good about what you have done and what you are going to do and say. They don't need you there now." He answered very strictly. Paul followed Dwayne, as Marko did too. They all left David alone with his thoughts.

***

You didn't remember the road. You just drove without any stops, just to get to your house. You didn't even remember how you went to your room, you just closed up the door and collapsed on the bed. You didn't want to cry hysterically, but something in your chest was tightening up and hurting.

You always tried to be of use. Since you were a kid your mom constantly told you you weren't helping and she better do it herself, so you wouldn't ruin anything. She didn't give you a choice, she always decided for you. And now, when you finally separated from her, you wanted to decide for yourself, to live freely. It wasn't fast process, but you were trying to be more involved in your own life. You thought boys understood that.

You thought He understood that.

Apparently you were wrong. Maybe he was right... Maybe you were useless, not good and using them? They both were right? David and your mother?

You looked at the ceiling with an empty look, completely exhausted. You didn't know what to do anymore. You were so tired...

"I don't like how you feel." You looked to the side to see Dwayne. He was at your window, only crawled inside, but not daring to go further.

"It will be easier to say that you don't like me, you wouldn't miss the point." You mumbled, watching him slowly coming to you. He sighed, sitting on your bed and looking at you.

"David is a douchebag, it's not news. But what I don't want you to do - lay here and pity yourself or doubt yourself or think about yourself any less than it is."

"What if he's..."

"No 'what ifs'. David was wrong. Terribly wrong. And he regrets."

"It sure as hell didn't feel like it."

"Princex..." Dwayne sighed, putting his hand on your hair and caressing it. "He is sorry. He is impulsive and... Too afraid to lose you."

"You say that. Because you always know the right words. Because you always keep everything and everyone together. And I..." You sat and moved a bit away from him, leaning on a headboard. "Am I wrong? Should I really turn? Like... I love you all and I want to prove it, but I can't prove it enough. Maybe there is nothing for me left here and I just need to..."

"You don't need to obey us. Obey him. We can wait." Dwayne carefully said, not moving closer and giving you space.

"Obviously you can not."

"We can." You shivered, hearing sudden David's voice. You glanced at window, where he stood, Paul and Marko behind it, in the air. These shits didn't care for neighbours who could see them. "We need to talk."

"I thought you made yourself very clear." You mumbled gloomily. David moved to the bed, but you didn't react to it, looking away. You didn't know what else you had to say in this.

"I am worried, yes. I want you to be with us forever, yes. I don't want to take a chance of something happening to you in day, yes. But i chose the wrong words and let emotions take the worst of me." David slowly took your hand. Even if you still refused to look at him, your heart shuddered. "Kitten, I can wait. I just want to be sure that you will be okay and won't leave us."

"I would never, you know that! How many more times should I prove myself?!" You looked at him almost angrily. David was silent for a minute and kissed your wrist.

"You proved yourself enough. Now let me prove myself. I was rude and a bit... Angry. So I invite you to spend a night with me. Only you and me. To talk, to relax. Your favourite food, places, you name it. Let me make it up to you." You looked at him. He was sincere, you could be sure of it, but still. His words while weren't offensive in general, were offensive to you. And he knew that it would hurt you deeply. One date night couldn't simply erase your feelings and make everything better.

"I want you to understand me and my point of view. My opinion. I am alive person, I am not a pet that is going to blindly follow you and listen!" You exclaimed, at which David sighed and nodded, lowering his gaze on your hands, locked together.

"I promise I will. Will you accept me and my offer at a date night?" You looked at him closely and sighed. It definitely was the time to make your own decisions.

"Yes. But! Without any of your powers. Normal night. Without hypnosis on shop owners and waiters. Without powers and flights. Deal?" David froze for a moment, but smiled.

"For you - anything." You smiled weakly back, when you heard cooing from the window. For a hot minute you forgot you weren't alone there.

"David, how romantic! I didn't know you had that in you!" Paul grinned, closing window behind him. His hands were full of snacks, while Marko held drinks. You guessed that was the reason why they were the last one at your house.

"One more word, and you are going to sleep at the attic alone." David warned pouting Paul and winked at you, making you giggle. Maybe you would really figure it out.

The Lost Boys Taglist: @minafromasgard @starmullet @iloveslasher @twistedharper @ichorixm @promptsforstuff @collieflower215

[littlemessyjessi]

Interested to know your thoughts on poly skz?

Hello, my love! I got you! So maybe we'll do this ships x reader style. Sound good?

Ok, so just a disclaimer before everyone gets up in their feelings. I obvs don't know SKZ and therefore I know nothing about their personal lives. I know some people have certain opinions about shipping but guys, this is fanfic. Therefore, we're already accepting that it's a fantasy. And obviously I'm just picking ships for the reactions. So for the antis... chiiiiiillllllll. Now, for the rest of you, welcome and I hope you enjoy. *kiss, kiss*

Now, that that's out of the way, let's begin!

So we're starting with MinSung (Minho and Jisung).. because I'm selfish, lol. I admittedly live and breathe for it.

So it probably started with you being Jisung's partner. And truthfully you ended up calling him out on his little crush on Minho eventually. I mean, come on. Poor Jisung. A blushy, stuttering mess. Eventually, he cracks because it's kind of obvious and also there's no way he can lie to you. He is BLOWN AWAY when you suggest that you're ok if he wants to experiment with Minho . He nearly dies when you tell him if it's something he wants to experiment with but if he's too nervous to do it alone, that you could have a threesome as long as Minho was comfortable with it. Honestly, he burst into fucking tears. It was just that he was overwhelmed. He had been scared that that was gonna be the end of you and then it turns out that you were not only completely accepting but also incredibly supportive. He almost proposed marriage right there.

Now, Minho, bless him, lol. 100% acted like he had no idea what you were talking about when you brought it up. Because you know, bunny is too fucking cool or whatever. HOWEVER. Like a month later, Mr. Bunny gets drunk off his ass and guess what? Straight up kisses you both. Poor Jisung is just left floundering but you smirk because you fucking called it.

I'd say it's a slow process in general. With both of them but if you're patient and reassuring then it transitions from occasional experimenting to a wonderfully loving and supportive relationship.

Next is ChangLix (Changbin and Felix)! Because guess what? I'm still being selfish, lol.

Now, here's the deal. Changbin and Felix are both cuddlebugs. And both are clingy AF. I say that in the best, most loving way. So honestly I can kinda see how someone would just be out with it ya know.

For example, Felix strikes me as the type of person that once he's in, HE'S IN. Ya know, the type of person to be completely candid with his partner.

So, I could easily see him being like, "Hey, baaaaabyyyyy. Can we invite Binnie over sometime to play?" Like, that kind of simple. And as if you would ever have the STRENGTH to say no to that face. Bish, please. DON'T even try.

Now, Changbin, as romantic, affectionate and loving as he is, he is also wicked smart. He's a logic man. So while he adores you and does feel safe enough to share things with you... he is also human and does feel the fear of things like rejection and pain. So I'd say he'd have a pretty good idea before he ever brought it up. He would have been paying attention to you and how you react to Felix. Which truthfully is very hard to get an actual reading on. Because Felix is adorable and lovable and easily charms most people. I mean, come on. Who doesn't instantly fall in love with that baby chicken? So Binnie would be watching and observing and only after he was sure that A, you loved him and would support him no matter what and B, might possibly be interested in Felix that way would he bring it up. He would be soft and comforting but also very direct- not mincing the words and getting to the point. When you simply kiss him and tell him that you love him and would love to go on this journey with him, every feeling he's ever had for you is just completely locked in place.

The relationship would actually blossom rather quickly and be one full of affection and love but also damn near unbreakable. Like the relationship between the three of you IS the force to be reckoned with... because nothing stands a chance of breaking it.

Next is HyunChan/ ChanJin (Hyungjin and Chan). (Pst. Still being selfish over here).

Now, look. You're gonna have to be the one to take the lead on this one. Because Hyunjin, even though he's dramatic as hell, is not gonna bring this up. Not happening. And Chan, even though he's Mr. Leader.... he's a shy baby when it comes to this.

So I hope you are prepared to spot, process, initiate and pretty much carry this whole situation in the beginning. Cause it's on you, love.

However, listen. Red Lights had a mood and it was easy to read if you take a certain look at it. Just saying.

So anyway, this probably starts with you as a friend and not dating either of them. Just an innocent bystander who can see the secret goo goo eyes they give each other.

You get sick of the lingering looks they keep giving each other and finally just tell them to date already.

What shocks you is when they reveal that they already are and have both been trying to work up the nerve to ask you to be their third.

And we end with JeongMin (Seungmin and Jeongin) which are my babies. I would defend them against the world.

So anyway.

With Seungmin, I could easily see this as him just simply asking you what you think about Jeongin joining you one night. Yes, he's adorable and yes he's got the puppy vibe but he strikes me as a man of directness. He's not rude. Just to the point and I feel like if he loves you then he's going to tell you if something has changed with him and he's interested in trying. Be grateful that he has shared this with you because that means he truly feels comfortable and it's a blessing that not only has he told you but that he wants to experience this with you by his side.

Now, baby bread. First of all, I am attacked by this man. Because damn it... he was all baby face what feels like SECONDS ago and now he's a whole ass man. And I struggle. But this is nothing new. I did it with Jungkook too. Regardless of the fact that that ho is actually OLDER than my fiance. But I digress.

Back to Jeongin. I feel he's gotta THINK about it. Like really think about it. He needs time to process what exactly he's feeling and when it hits him that he feels it for the both of you, he probably trips a little. But eventually I think he'd be the type to sit you both down and have a chat about it. After he's reassured, he is more than happy to continue and explore.

-

Hey loves! Thanks for checking out my work! For all kpop content check Masterlist 2.0 in my navi! Link in bio! Love, K 💋

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[stinkylittleanon]

Im gonna send in 2 bc i saw you do Haikyuu as well ;) Ok so crush headcannons, and how they confess for Wakatoshi, Atsumu, Tsukishima, Daichi and ill throw in Kageyama into the mix, Ty again! <3

OMGOMGOGMGOMOGMGM USHI!!! SCREAMING AND THROWING UP I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH USHIJIMA!!!! LOSING!! MY MIND!!! WAAAAAA

I won't be able to write for Atsumu, as I struggle to understand him, BUT USHI!!! I'll write extra for Ushi!!

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Ushijima Wakatoshi!!!!!! - SCREAMING AND THROWING UP AND CRYING - I FUCKING LOVE HIM - He'd be so cute when he gets a crush, like where'd this come from! - He actually wouldn't notice at first. Ushijima struggles with his emotions MEGA bad, so he'd confide in Tendou for this. - His crush makes his stomach feel weird, he's always thinking about how they'll be able to be in contact later in the day... Bonus if his crush is on his team in some way!!! Crush time during practice!! Yippee!! - Tendou is fuckin LOSING IT when he learns that THE WAKATOSHI USHIJIMA has a CRUSH!!! LIKE WHAT?!?! WA?!?! - Ushijima actually ignores it at first. Maybe it'll go away... This is getting in the way of his volleyball! It's distracting him! - But it gets stronger. His crush is just... So cute. They're obviously shorter than Ushijima, and he's just... - Tiny lil 'thang... Lovem... - They make Ushi and Tendou's duo into a trio, they'd have to always be around Ushijima for him to get feelings. - USHIJIMA ACTUALLY TEXTS THEM GOODMORNING FIRST! Tendou's jealous of that /j - Anyways, he'd fucking STRUGGLE to confess - How would this influence his future? His schoolwork? Would it be negative? - But he wants... To be close to them so bad... - He ends up handing his crush flowers, demanding they meet him at a cafe nearby, and walking away, Tendou has to pull him back and explain to him what to do.. In front of the crush - If they accept? BEST. FUCKING. DECISION. TREAT HIM GOOD. - If they reject? Screw them, I'm taking their place <3 HELP - Overall, he doesn't understand but comes to appreciate these feelings and confesses in the most awkward way possible.

Tsukishima Kei!! - He catches onto it immediately once he realizes that he sees them as something more. - Tsukishima notices that he wants to hang out with them more. He texts them more and even lets Yamaguchi invite them to walk home... WITHOUT any complaints - The poor guy forces these feelings deep down, though. His thought process is that if he ruins this by any means then he's done for. - He would try and find things that he hates about them... But he only falls harder. There's so much about them to love, even their flaws- he's panicking - This panic would lead to him lashing out on them, the stress built up over time and he realizes that he's fucked up. - That's how he'd confess, basically. After avoiding you for some time after, Yamaguchi pushes him to ACTUALLY do something and... It works, kinda. - Tsukishima convinces you to go with him somewhere private and he explains everything. - If they accept? HOLY. SHIT. He's not expecting that. If they don't? Then he hopes that you two can at least still be friends.

Kageyama Tobio!! - As someone else said when I had to look for other headcanons to get ideas... Best friends to lovers, exactly that - Kageyama would need to know someone to fall in love. It wouldn't be that easy for him. - But he's SUCH a dumbass with emotions, motherfucker doesn't even notice. He thinks it's another level of friendship... So how does he end up knowing? - "Kageyama... You speak about _____ quite a lot. Do you like them?" - HE'S FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, DENYING IT, RED FACED- His heart is racing and he doesn't know why for a second. But he thinks it over later and the just... Holy shit. - God knows when he'd confess, but it's not soon. DEFINITELY not soon, he's too scared to lose you. - So when he does confess, it's when you two are alone and he knows it's the right moment. Something peaceful, where he just feels safe enough to say something. - Whatever the answer, as long as he can still have you by his side then he's still happy!

Daichi Sawamura! - He'd notice over time that he feels happier around them. He gets flustered and they're just... they're so cute - Like holy shit, please... Stop smiling like that! He's getting distracted! - A few volleyballs to the face while he's looking at you as you hang out at practice. - EVERYONE can see it. EVERYONE. He's SOOOO mature about it... Not. He's like a puppy while trying to hide it. - They make him so happy... He wants to hang out with them all the time. Like he's just wrapped around their finger - His confession would be personal AND romantic.. Kind of. - He'd ask them to hang out with him after school, bring you somewhere nice and pretty, and after they hang out for a while he speaks up. - It's the most heartfelt thing they've EVER heard in your life, holy shit... Whether you accept it or not, he will accept it. He handles it maturely! Kind of- If you accept then he's super happy

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I'M SO SORRY IF THESE DON'T FIT, I HAVEN'T WATCHED HAIKYUU IN YEARS,,,,, I DON'T REMEMBER TOO MUCH ABOUT IT