#I mean I'm stressed as hell about Life Stuff yet again but I'm like this even when life isn't fucking awful
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buckynats · 5 days ago
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Doing physical arts and crafts while unmedicated with an attention disorder is like:
Wow I'm having so much fun Making Things With My Hands (:
Does one stitch. Does three more.
A thought occurs: I should look this up immediately
[Loses ten to thirty minutes to the unceasing void]
Spend several minutes untangling a knot. Curse aggressively. Decide this whole project sucks and you'd rather be doing something else more immediately rewarding. Like scrolling!
Scroll mindlessly. Get restless. Return to project.
Wow I'm having so much fun Making Things With My Hands (:
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zoeykallus · 1 year ago
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Hey hey, dear queen! If you have the time and energy, would you mind writing about Fem!Reader being stressed/burned out with Crosshair. Maybe she works a job + the work she is doing with the batch. She's cranky out of energy and when Crosshair complains about that, she snaps/has a breakdown of sorts? How would he react? I wouldn't mind if you did the rest of the batchers in this scenario too, but I know you got much on your plate right now, so I picked my favorite 😊 thanks dear!
Aloha!
Oh dear, you have no idea how relatable this is for me these days 😵
I do have a lot on my plate, that's true. And I'm really late with all the requests, I'm sorry. Hm, let me see...
The Bad Batch x Reader - Burnout
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Warnings: Hurt/Comfort/Burnout
___________
Life is especially tough right now, with multiple jobs, little to no free time, and too little sleep. This not only affects the body, but also the mood. Of course, your Batcher notices that something is wrong with you.
____________
Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)
____________
>Master List<
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Hunter
"What's wrong with you? You're so tense and impatient."
The way you quickly turn to look at him makes him pause, startled. Hunter is frozen in his movement and if you weren't so tense, you might find this sight, this moment, amusing.
You finally sigh and say, "I'm tired, and I want to finish here, stop dawdling."
Hunter frowns and resumes normal posture.
"We usually spend longer time loading equipment, chatting and stuff, don't we? Spend time together. When did you stop caring about that?"
He looks crestfallen, and you're sorry for reacting so harshly.
"Hunter, I have more jobs than just this one, I barely have any free time and I just want to go home today, as much as I usually enjoy spending this time here with you. If I miss public transportation again, I'm going to sit around here even longer."
Hunter blinks then sighs softly, of course he understands.
"You're going to break yourself" he says reprovingly and takes the box you just picked up from you, puts it down and reaches for your arm.
Hunter pulls you with him to his speeder.
"We're not done yet," you say, protesting.
"You're done here, I can do the rest on my own," he insists, getting on and waving you over, "Come on, jump on, I'll give you a ride home."
"But-"
"No arguments, get on."
You do as you're told and mumble a small thank you to him, ashamed that you've been barking at him.
You hear him laugh softly and say, "No problem, now hold on tight".
Echo
You don't even have to tell him that you are overworked, he already knows that you have more than one job and that you don't sleep enough. The reproachful look he gives you slowly drives you crazy.
"What's your problem, Echo? Why the hell are you looking at me like that all the time?"
He snorts and says, "I'm waiting for you to keel over at any moment."
Surprised, you pause.
"What?"
"You want me to spell it out? You heard me the first time."
You grab his arm and turn him around to face you as he continues to work.
"Excuse me, mister, what's your problem?"
He pulls away, grabs you by your upper arms and urges you onto a crate, so you can sit down. Echo looks at you so urgently that you forget for a long moment how your voice actually works.
"You need to quit one of your jobs, you can't go on like this. You have rings under your eyes, you're agitated and restless, you seem rushed and overtired. I hope you don't quit this one, but one has to go. Eventually you'll fold, and the thought of you beating yourself up like that makes me angry - that's my problem."
Echo will not back down, no matter how you squirm and argue. He means well and is extremely stubborn and unyielding about it. Don't get into big discussions, you can't win against Echo.
Wrecker
He doesn't notice it as quickly as Echo, but he will notice it. Of course, he's concerned and gets to the bottom of it.
"You want to tell me what's going on with you?" he asks you as you load the equipment.
You look at him questioningly and pick up the next box.
"What's supposed to be going on?"
Wrecker shrugs his broad shoulders and says, "Well, you seem really beat, tired. You're slower than usual, your eyes are all small, so either you've taken some drugs or you've barely slept."
You sigh softly and laugh humorlessly.
"I don't do drugs"
"That's what I thought" Wrecker says directly "So you're not sleeping enough, because you've been having that a lot lately"
"Yeah, my second job is more demanding than I thought"
"A second job huh?"
You nod and grab the next box, but Wrecker takes it out of your hand.
"Today I'm doing this alone" he says sternly.
"But-"
"Don't argue, you're overworked," he growls.
"But-"
"No, not today."
Wrecker will take as much off your hands as he can, but he'll also point out that you're only one person, and can't work for three.
"If you're short on credits we can pool, but credits won't do you any good at all if you wreck yourself."
Tech
He stops in the middle of your work and watches you. Suddenly you hear him sigh. When you look at him, he shakes his head. You are overtired, feeling drained, and already feel that you have no patience today, but you look at him and ask as calmly as you can, "What is it, Tech?"
He shakes his head again and says, "You are particularly slow and sluggish today, our teamwork is not very effective today thanks to you."
Somewhat tense, you say, "My deepest apologies," and continue working.
Tech frowns, adjusts his goggles with his right index finger and asks, "That sounded irritated. Are you irritated?"
You suppress a sigh and say as neutrally as possible, knowing he's not to blame for your condition, "I'm trying not to be."
"So you are?"
Now you do sigh and put down the box of equipment you just picked up.
"Yes, Tech. Can we move on now, please?"
Tech blinks a few times, then resumes. He tries not to tease you further or ask questions for now. But after work, on his way to the barracks, he passes the public transportation stop where he sees you sitting. You are sitting next to the station, your face in your hands. As he gets closer, he hears you sobbing softly. You look up startled from reddened eyes as he says your name.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, puzzled.
"Missed my ride. Now I'm sitting here for an hour, an hour I can't get back."
Tech blinks and asks, "And that's a reason to cry?"
"When you have multiple jobs, no free time, and barely any time to sleep, yes, that is a reason to cry"
His brows move up in surprise.
"Hence the sluggishness and irritability, now I understand the connections, I had wondered" he says quietly.
"Good for you," you say dryly.
Tech disappears for a moment, not two minutes later, however, he is back with his speeder.
"May I offer to drive you home?"
You wipe the tears from your face and laugh.
"That would be awesome, Tech"
As you climb up behind him, he says, "You need to cut back, get rid of at least one of the jobs"
"You say that so easily"
Tech raises his famous finger and says, "How about we sit down at your place and work it all out, find a better option for you?"
You yawn but nod, "Yeah, that might not be a bad idea"
"It is, after all, one of my ideas"
Crosshair
You've been tense all the time today, giving curt answers and even seeming a bit disoriented now and then, as if you had to rearrange yourself. Crosshair observes this critically for quite a while, but says nothing at first. But when you try to put the wrong clip into the blaster for the third time, he's had enough.
"What the hell is wrong with you? That's the wrong mag!"
Crosshair takes the magazine out of your hand and gives you the right one.
You snort in annoyance and say, "Happens to everyone."
"No," he insists, "You usually know these things off the top of your head."
You snap back, "I'm just tired, okay, just let me get on with it"
"You've been beside yourself all day" Crosshair grumbles.
You lower the gun belt you were about to equip and say, "It's just a shitty day today"
"Why?"
"I'm tired"
"You said that already. But why is that? Bad dreams or something?"
He can tell you're about to snap, he's just not sure yet if you're going to fold or freak out. Of course, he notices how hard it is for you to keep it together.
"I have several jobs, not just this one," you finally admit, "Lots of work, hardly any sleep. Every single one of these jobs is pretty demanding in one way or another. My batteries just don't charge anymore"
"Then you have to quit at least one job. It doesn't work like that, you can't go on like that in the long run."
You throw your arms in the air and say, "But I need the credits"
"So you're in a financial bind?"
You pull your shoulders up helplessly.
"Still can't go on like this, you're going to drop dead on me here one of these days, and I'm not cleaning up the mess".
You laugh softly and say, "How empathetic."
"Shall we go over your finances together? Maybe I'll see something you overlooked, a loophole, or a better option in general"
You are so moved, you could almost cry.
"Okay, now don't start crying," Crosshair says immediately, "It's just paperwork, I didn't propose or anything."
You laugh again and finally nod.
"Okay, I'd like to accept that offer."
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huckleberrykai · 1 year ago
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berry🤭🤭 I've been thinking a lot about newlywed husband hyuka lately:(
I can't seem to find a good way to put this thought into words but ughhhhhh husband hyuka is consuming my mind
i just realised i like never put warnings on thoughts / inbox stuff so ima start doing that 😭 minors dni! idk what happened here but husband!hyuka unlocked the breeding kink hdksals if ur not into that my apologies 🫡
oh my gODDD I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS
he's just so obsessed with you - he was when you were his girlfriend, then his fiancee, but something about you finally being married, being legally his wife... he's on a whole other level of obsession.
he buys you all of the silly newlywed items, like a robe that says 'huening' on the back and a mug that says 'wifey' and loses his mind whenever he sees you using them. he tries to be as good of a husband to you as possible, being so domestic and loving... always touching you... meaning ~
new husband hyuka who CANNOT keep his hands off of you <3
not just in a sexual way, no no. kai literally just wants to hold you from the second you're pronounced married and all of the wedding stress is over. he could care less about the reception, the party, the people although he still has a great time and taehyun makes one HELL of a best man speech. his hands are always on you~ your waist, your butt, your feet when he rubs them for you after your shoes have been hurting all day - he doesn't care as long as he's near you <3
when you get to your honeymoon destination best believe he cranks the clingy husband vibes up to the MAX. his new favourite activity is holding your hand and playing with your wedding ring ~ it grounds him and reminds him that you're married, you're all his now and he's so happy :(. he's the same about his own ring too, glancing at the shiny gold band like it's the best thing in the world, only second to you. he slept on your shoulder clutching your left hand on the plane to your dream honeymoon destination (he let you choose, he didn't care where he went as long as it would just be the two of you >.<) and the second you got to your cozy hotel room ... he was fulfilling his husband duties immediately.
it only takes him 5 minutes for him to sling your luggage and his into a corner and push you onto the rose-petal-covered bed of the honeymoon suite - complementary chocolates and champagne put aside to enjoy later. he had things to do first (you LOL). here in this beautiful room he proceeds to ravish you like his life depends on it. he eats you out until you've cum on his tongue at least twice, pushing his fingers into you - specifically his ring finger so he can admire your glossy cum glistening off his ring <3
whenever you try to reach out to help him he bats you away, "pretty wifey... just stay still okay? don't worry your pretty little head about me. i'm gonna be more than satisfied okay?"
oh and he is. especially when he initiates the most sexual loving sex you've ever had, and he finds himself filling you up over and over again. he thought you'd be done after one intense round, but when you scratched at his chest begging for one more.. then one more.. he couldn't say no. eventually, you're wailing from the overstimulation and constant orgasms - crying as you feel kai fill you up yet again. by now he's so addicted to the feeling and the sight of your pretty cunt filled to the brim with his cum, leaking out around his cock and dripping onto the crisp white sheets that he just can't stop.
"'m gonna fill you up again baby... can never get enough of you, my lovely wife~ gonna make you all round with our baby one day. fill you up so good..."
he's obsessed with living the perfect domestic life with you, and the idea of knocking you up just gets him so excited. even though you aren't ready for a family yet and you're still on birth control, kai sees no harm in getting some practice in of filling up your pretty cunt until you're crying <3
"want you to be so full of me... feel my love in your tummy~ if it leaks out tell me and i'll fill you right back up princess <3"
so yeah he's a pretty good husband LOL
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wardensantoineandevka · 10 months ago
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I LOVE accusing every single character of being a Breach collaborator without ANY regard for whether it makes sense or whether it's likely. Hell, it's almost better if it makes absolutely no sense and isn't all that likely, since this is entirely for my own amusement. But, some of them do make at least a bit of sense, and that's also so fun to think about. Ever since the Hieronymous drop, I've just been randomly pointing fingers at any character we don't yet know either way, and coming up with reasons that would be interesting or funny or how it might work, for funsies.
Jedediah Pom? He's extremely well-placed as a member of the media, and I'm constantly suspicious of how closely he watches everything, even with considering his job. Backpack? She always seems to be in the oddest places, and I would not be surprised if information was coming through her—knowingly or unknowingly. Kozma? Would fit in with her (horrifying) propensity to "collect" people and could function as a kind of first-look deal (awful).
Agatha Ledge? I feel like the gap between her Incendiary Imaging Device and Breach stuff can be very small if you lay the cards down right, no, I cannot explain (but a mad scientist-type who changes sides because they're unhappy with their pay or access is always great). One of Imelda's brunch group (Penny, Gert, Lucille, Desiree, Maeve)? The BETRAYAL! Olga Costigan? Extremely unlikely, but it would make Spahr's life worse in a specific way that is funny to only me. Gretel? Actually, this would be pretty great because she worked directly under Spahr, and also this would make Spahr handing off Hieronymous to her at the hotel really funny.
Arno Delagny? Maybe we should be questioning why so many former employees of the Delagney Hotel at the Vantage have Breached. Imogen Loxlee, Milton Fleit Sr.? Just imagine the chaos of that for a second. The Miravette twins? They clearly need something better to do with their time and sedition might be it. Melinda Crowne? She IS a friend of Sherman's and Emmet's mother. Spahr's parents that I assume he has? Again, would stress him out so much in a way that is funny to me specifically. Speaker Corsovia, Ambassador Isadore Riley? We don't know anything about either of them for this to mean anything, so why not.
It's genuinely so fun for me to just be constantly like: today's Breach collaborator is [spins wheel]
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egg-emperor · 6 months ago
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so gonna be real I barely do life updates here anymore but I've got some bullshit coming up in my personal life that's not looking good. I said I was working on finding out what's wrong with my health from doctors and getting help for a bunch of stuff in my life in general and getting a support system and stuff and I was and it was going well and things were looking up
but now I've been forcefully inducted into some programme thing to push me into doing something I'm physically incapable of doing with my disability but it's apparently mandatory or I'll lose some of the support. I don't know why they decided I can when they know of my issues (and they haven't even recieved the form where they're supposed to be checking for my capability yet so wtf) but apparently there's no way for me to opt out and it's going to last for a year at least
and I've seen a lot of negative things about this program when I wasn't even seeking bad reviews, the majority is negative. so my life might be about to go to shit for a while and I'm already feeling miserable and it hasn't even started yet lol. this may genuinely badly affect my mental and physical health which I've been working so hard to deal with lately so it's very upsetting and stressful
I hope it's not going to take up all my time and I can still be as active as I want to be here because it's one of the things that actually brings some brightness to my life. I also hope all the stress it's going to put me through doesn't affect my behavior here and seep into what I do but I'll try my hardest not to let that happen because my blog is one of the very few positive things in my life atm
best case scenario is they realize I can't do this and take me off it but it's not looking good. that would be more likely in a perfect world where people could take invisible (well mostly invisible for me) disabilities seriously. because I'm not even that hopeful about the doctor stuff at this point, maybe it's just because it's taking so damn long for the referrals I need for them to check me out in the areas needed but I don't know if they'll even find out what's up with my chronic pain and or if I'll get a diagnosis
so yeah I think I'm actually just screwed and life is about to become even more painful and exhausting for me than it already is and a hell of a lot more stressful as a result but maybe if it leads to my health worsening like fainting in front of people again it'll be enough for them to see that this was a bad idea haha. I mean first of all my first meeting about this has been booked for me the day I'm literally taking an 24 hour ECG test because they won't even let the doctors try to finally find out what's wrong with me before pushing me to do this ffs
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the-kinnie-in-me · 2 years ago
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Okay, well then I hope you don’t mind me returning with yet another request. I can’t help it, I just really love your writing <3
I would love some headcanons for tasm Peter falling in love again for the first time since Gwen (god, just typing that made me tear up lmao)!
Take your time, have fun with it, and have a lovely day/night :)
A/n: This has been in my ask box for so long holy shit- I'm so sorry about that. I was on an intense writer's block and I think the fact that its Valentines' Day where I'm at kinda inspired me. This is not my best work since romantic writing isn't my cup of tea 😭 But I still hope you enjoy this-
𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐌! 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐰𝐞𝐧:
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⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎
(I’m basing this off before he met the other Peters btw)
Let's start with some pre-relationship stuff-
I don’t really see it as love at 1st sight
It might take some since yk- his ex died because he couldn’t save her
How much time it would take would depend on how persistent you are in befriending him 1st
 There's definitely some remaining guilt and self-loathing so please be patient with him
He’s still a nice and friendly person so it isn’t that hard to befriend him 
In other words- You’re gonna have to buckle up since you’re about to experience the slowest slow-burn friends-to-lovers in history (Tho the fluff post and pre-relationship make it worth it)
Now onto the relationship itself
Aunt May adores you
She saw how you make her nephew happy after what happened with Gwen and approved of you immediately
“I saw how that boy mourned Gwen. I raised him for most of his life and it was devastating for me to see him like that. Then he met you, it was like it never happened and he was as happy as he was before. And I can’t express how thankful I am to you.”
We all saw how much effort he put into his and Gwen’s relationship- He would do the 1000% same thing with you
This is a bit angsty but- It just doesn’t feel the same?? THO IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU- When he was doing that stuff for Gwen he had a lot more self-esteem if you get what I mean?
HELP HIM GAIN HIS CONFIDENCE BACK
There have to be a lot of words of affirmation in this relationship homeboy needs it
After he gains his confidence it's mostly rainbows and sunshine
The reason why I say mostly? The topic of Spiderman.
I mean- He would tell you but he doesn’t want you to get involved 
He is very much persistent about that
He will give you every reason to not  get involved 
There’s honestly no win in this situation
If you don’t get involved you worry about him daily
*Peter enters your bedroom through your window*
“The hell happened this time?”
“They um- got me pretty bad”
You rush to grab the First Aid kit
“Yeah. I can see that.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad.”
“Are you sure…Because your tone kinda says otherwise”
*Sighs* “I’m not mad. Just stressed and worried because of you.”
If you do get involved he worries about you daily
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”
“SAVING YOUR ASS”
Or
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be out doing Spiderman things?”
“Yeah about that- Whatever I was fighting got away and it seemed pretty pissed. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t gonna be petty and go after you”
I just realized the majority of this has been angst or about Gwen’s death in some way-
He doesn’t confront people when jealous
Poor boy just wants to leave with you beside him
He tries to hide it but it's kinda obvious
Tease him about it and see how long it takes for him to admit it I wanna test a theory
He is a total softy for you
Why can’t I find a bf like that on E-bay
A sane amount of PDA
Like hand-holding, falling asleep on him (albeit accidentally), and kissing on the cheek
He likes cuddling in private tho
Everything he does for and says to you just seems to be genuine-
A gentleman that was raised well fr
He will do so many things for you that it's concerning how fast he agrees,
“Hey Pete can you-”
“Of course”
This is entirely my opinion/ idea of him- I don’t see him calling you any pet names besides the occasional “babe” 
BUT- the amount of love and emotion traced whenever he just simply says your name makes up for it completely
Before I end this I just want to make 1 thing clear-
You are NOT a rebound 
He will do anything to prove that he never considered you a replacement for Gwen the moment he senses you feel that way
In his eyes, Gwen is his past 
In his eyes, you are his present and future
In his eyes, you are his everything.
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kelpan · 9 months ago
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So, remember how in my last author's note, I said I was feeling better? "More like a human"?
Yeah, I spoke too soon.
These past few months have put me through the wringer. Super stressful work environment, and new meds messing with both my mental and physical health. I'm taking steps to change the meds, and banish this nasty depression it has kept me trapped in. I can only apologize for how long it's been since my last update, though I did my best to keep writing.
This chapter might be a bit smaller than what they usually are, but it was hard-fought for. I hope you all like it, and thanks for being patient with me.
Credit for the OC Chrysanthemum headshot goes to wwispie on Etsy/Instagram!
Ao3: Petals on a Stream of Stars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Act 1, Chapter 12: Such Wonderful Coworkers
Wednesday
7:30pm
Chrysanthemum
The alarm replayed across the air, ominous and oppressive. Chrys looked towards the sound, the weight of the message sinking under her skin. Never before had she found herself in this situation; never again did she want to. The worry that gnawed at her stomach threatened to make her vomit, and the last thing anyone needed was for her to bring her lunch back out for a visit. She forced the sensation down from the back of her throat, and turned to face her partner, ready to follow whatever instructions he had for her. 
“Sun, what are you—”
Yet she stood alone. The entrance doors clicked shut, broadcasting what must have been his departure. For him to leave without a word and so abruptly was unlike him. 
Wait, what even are our protocols? What am I supposed to be doing here??
The two attendants from the Atrium stood out against the sea of quietly occupied children. If anyone here might have a shot of giving her some kind of guidance, her best bet was from other employees.
“Uh, hey,” Chrys asked, hurrying over, doing her best to project some sort of veneer of calm, lest her anxiety take control. “Everything seemed fine when I left. What the heck happened?”
Neither moved to look at her, or acknowledged that she’d spoken. Their game of “Go Fish” was more interesting, eyes locked on their individual sets of cards. Chrys waited, arms crossed over her chest, gaze pointed, until someone caved. The one on the right took that title; A heavyset, disheveled looking man with greasy hair, who offered only a measly, nonchalant shrug in consolation. 
 “Eh, she must have slipped from the group while we were walking back. Kid was there when we lined up.”
Soon the other joined in, a small, diminutive stick of a woman, likely around the same middle age as her counterpart. She clicked her teeth and added a card to the center pile. “My guess is she got distracted by something we walked past and snuck off. I’ve heard of stuff like that happening from some of the other staff. Hell, this place is like temptation in a bottle for kids.”
Chrys’s composure threatened to crack. Could they not hear themselves right now? Her tone took on a sharp edge. “What do you mean “you guess”? Aren’t you worried about her?”
“Oh chill, she’ll be fine.” The male attendant answered, unfazed. “They’ll send every mechanical bozo they’ve got in this place after her, like that creepazoid clown you’ve got here. Soon as the lights go off she won’t stay missing for long, I can tell you that.”
Chrys bristled. She didn’t appreciate the blatant, derogatory dig. “Is that about Sun?”
“Nah, the other one.” The same attendant answered. “After all, the guy’s part of security now, it’s his job to handle shit like this.”
Just then, every light in the vicinity began to fade, blanketing the daycare in a soft but artificial twilight. Some of the children shouted in mock terror, their cheeky giggles giving away their true amusement. Chrys startled out of reflex, eyes wide as she watched the scenery take on new life around her. 
Stars. So, so many stars. 
On every post, every wall, every support beam, even the ceiling and the fake clouds dangling overhead, glow-in-the-dark stars greeted her with their nostalgic light. Never would she have thought that the cheap ones she used to have decorating the ceiling of her childhood bedroom might be able to provide any sort of substantial light, but here they were, their collective amount—and likely higher quality—creating more than enough illumination to easily see by.
“See? Right on cue.” The attendant continued. “I bet you he’s the one who finds her first. Five minutes, tops.”
“Nah, it’ll be Roxy. Fast is like her whole thing. Ten bucks.” The woman chimed in with a barking laugh.
“Ha! You’re on!”
In the background of their grating banter, a new message spoke through the intercom, pulling Chrys from the conversation.
“ATTENTION ALL GUESTS: PLEASE REMAIN IN PLACE. OUR ANIMATRONIC STAFF AND SECURITY BOTS ARE CURRENTLY INVESTIGATING. THEIR SCANS ARE FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSES ONLY. LOCKDOWN WILL REMAIN IN PLACE UNTIL THE MISSING CHILD IS IDENTIFIED AND RECOVERED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.”
The automated voice spoke with an ignorable note of authority, demanding obedience through command. She could only imagine how frightening this situation must be to the other children throughout the pizzaplex; To go from having the time of their lives one instant, to then finding themselves in a world of darkness and danger the next. At least the children under her responsibility seemed impervious to this, safe and secluded as they were here in the Daycare. A small blessing.
Marigold, however, could afford no such luxury. Wherever she was, odds were that she was alone, overwhelmed, without anyone to guide or comfort her. And if anyone with less than innocent intentions found her before one of the animatronics could… she closed her eyes against such a thought. The math, however, remained clear; With each minute that ticked by, the risk of this turning into a catastrophe grew. 
There had to be something she could do, anything to help speed things along. In a building this large, with all the various nooks and crannies she might have wandered into, going about this in a blind sweep would be far too tedious. Kids were masters of subverting your expectations, able to get themselves stuck in the most ridiculous of places. Pressing her palm to her forehead, Chrys dug through her memories, seeking anything notable, any sort of outlier that might give her some insight into whatever was going on in that little girl’s mind.
She’d been teary and reluctant to leave her mother when she’d arrived. Commonplace, most children suffered from some form of separation anxiety at that age. She played, she laughed, she had fun… and seemed hellbent on continually bringing up a certain ambiguous “big brother” every chance she could get. Was that the missing key? What was it she had said about him again? Something about wanting to share a pizza together, that he was some grown up that worked at some beach…
No, wait, that wasn’t it. She’d said here at the beach. Did… did she mean the pizzaplex? 
“Hey,” Chrys said, interjecting herself back into the conversation. “Is there anywhere in the Pizzaplex that’s beach themed, or, I don’t know, might be considered kinda “beach-y”? Someplace like that?”
The two attendants shared a look of confusion, glancing at the other for mutual confirmation that they’d heard her right. 
“Uh, not really.” The man replied, in a tone that made clear what he thought of her question. “The big things are the band performances, golf, the raceway…. everything else is pretty standard kid stuff, like the arcades. It ain’t really a “beach-y” kinda place, if you catch my drift.”
The woman piped in with a snap of her fingers. “Oh, hey now, isn’t one of the free zones pirate themed? They might have some beach decor or something.”
“Oh yeah, Kids Cove, right? I always forget about that place. Hasn’t it been, like, under construction or renovations for forever or something?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
Internally, Chrys vibrated. It may only be a nugget, but this was more of a lead than she had thirty seconds ago, and she’d be a fool to dismiss it. 
“Yes! That’s got to be it! Marigold had said something earlier that makes me think that might be where she’s gone! We have to let someone know. How do we contact Sun? Or Moon? Is there a way we can ping them or something?” 
The pair scoffed at her. 
“Who do you think we are, Vanessa? She’s the only one with direct line access to those overpriced tin cans.” The man patted the seat between the two of them. “Listen, why not sit down and relax with us for a second? I’m sure someone will find her soon, and everything will be just fine. I promise.”
His voice dripped with a syrupy sarcasm, the kind that came across as both patronizing and belittling. In her veins, her blood boiled. A little girl was out there somewhere, likely now having the worst birthday of her life, and they weren’t willing to lift a single finger to help her? To even try?
No. Unacceptable. 
“Fine. If you won’t help me, then I’ll just go out there and find a way to tell them myself. Stay with the rest of the kids until I get back. Don’t work too hard now.”
 Without giving either of the two a chance to retort, she pivoted and left, marching her way to the entrance of the daycare, stopping only once to grab a flashlight from the charging station mounted on the wall behind the security desk before stepping beyond the gate. 
There was no way she was going to let that little girl suffer any longer than was necessary.
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sunskate · 8 months ago
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Tessa & Scott episode 3: very eventful episode - Scott and his anger and the "mood of the day." - which, oof, there's so much to unpack about this. Tessa and Kate go to Hall and Oates. Scott and Chiddy go go-cart racing and talk. dinner with Weapo. the costume fitting. Scott hurts his back just before Skate Canada
Scott and Cassandra: S: how are you doing when i'm away, besides devastated C: i mean it's hard, i miss you, i just tell myself 5 more months S: right.
S: i find i'm a lot more anxious. do you notice that? C: i don't know. am i supposed to? (smiling, maybe she's joking? but kind of an odd thing to say to that😅) S: i get like this in an Olympic year. i just get grouchy C: i don't find you to be grouchy S: well that's sweet of you
S: like the stress is starting. starting to turn from excitement into stress. you know, i've been pumped about it for a while. now it's starting to get real C: right.
the more i watch, the more i notice where the show is creating (or maybe manufacturing) a narrative - like this scene was made for him to talk about his stress and his moods. but it also inadvertently shows they might not be on the same page. the next 5 months and the Olympics are a huge deal for him, but she's kinda saying she's waiting for them to be over. like, sure she's looking forward to seeing him more, but it feels out of touch to say i'm just telling myself wait it out and we'll have more us time. when leaving competitive skating is a huge life change and loss he'll be dealing with after Sochi
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establishing shot of Scott arriving at the rink - clearly holding stuff in his hands, then empty handed in the next shot. like this is nbd, but once you start noticing how much they're cutting stuff together in a way that didn't happen, it's easier to step outside the narrative and question what we're being told by the producers
like this scene - maybe he did walk away without responding, but it would be more effective to see in the same shot if he did ignore her. instead, they cut away to a shot of his back where his head is facing the opposite direction from her. if they had a clear reaction of him blowing her off, they could have stayed with the wide shot. pretty sure that reaction shot was from a different moment
he comes off like such an ass on this show, and they also cut Tessa's footage and her talking heads to make her seem like a doormat who's mostly just taking it when he's being rude. but there are several clues coming up that she doesn't just take it. i have so many questions for VM that the producers just leave there
T: sometimes when Scott gets anxious, he can just get ... short. (then different audio quality, so recorded at a different time!) but i try my best not to let it get to me - she reads this 2nd part like voiceover, if you notice
the scene with their coach Johnny Johns (about 5 min in) when they're working on a lift took me several times through to realize the show wants us to think Scott's being a jerk:
Johnny: curve lift - i wanna see how it feels if you lift her forwards - just see if it's any easier, idk if it's gonna be or not (then they show them doing a RoLi instead, so the audio and video don't belong together 💀) S: (loudly but not yelling- i think he's just got a loud voice) i hate it! Johnny: okay Johnny: that's a half a turn, and she's in position S: yeah, that's a full turn (Tessa huffs a laugh, cut to a shot of Johnny rolling his eyes - just from how the show edits stuff, i don't trust that reaction shot is really from that moment) (a few overlapping words i can't catch) S: we're not quite there yet Johnny: i think the mission is to get this thing turning faster than hell (cut to a shot of the RoLi) i like that, what's the problem with that (cut to a shot of Scott shrugging - again, is that really his reaction, or just edited that way) Tessa (VO): Scott's always set the tone for the mood of the day, and i can feel how tense he is. the Olympics are 5 months away. we're feeling emotionally, physically really exhausted. the next 5 months will be stressful
the thing is, Scott seems focused and direct and stressed but not particularly rude in this scene. it's hard to know without seeing the whole sequence if he was being a jerk, but it doesn't really look like it? if he's moody and difficult, they sometimes say it more than show it
and her saying Scott's always set the tone for the mood of the day - again, this is voiceover, so it may be scripted - it's become the prevailing narrative about them pre-comeback, that he's a pain, and she did all this emotional labor balancing him. VM have talked about it elsewhere, so there's some truth to it. but there are hints that there's more going on from her - that she's not just passive, and that it's more complicated. the show isn't told in a way that always feels reliable. so it makes me question what the producers are feeding us
tbc -
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tardigradetv · 16 days ago
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About 6 months ago, I bought groceries at an organic grocery store. Back then, it was my first time buying food items there, so I took my time to have a look around. I noticed that the store is usually not crowded, which means that I won't need to put myself under stress to get my stuff and leave as soon as possible. This also means that cashiers would start conversations with me or with other customers.
One day, I talked to that one cashier who recommended me a book that changed my life. I can't fully remember how I got into a conversation with him, but I remember that we both shared a part of our life stories. I think I asked him where I could get the Guarana Cola, and I just gave him a hint that I'm trying to live a better life despite my fate. And somehow, my hint made him mention later on that he struggled with a chronic illness for years and that it used to make him fall into a deep pit of depression. But he found his way to improve his quality of life by changing his mindset and how he, in general, sees things. I told him afterward that I was experiencing similar things at the time, so I asked him how he could achieve such a drastic change in a rather short time, and he answered that he worked towards it with the help of a certain book by Dr. Joe Dispenza.
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When he gave me the name of the book on that day, I searched it up online around the late afternoon. The title and cover gave me odd feelings I still can't describe. I thought: "What the hell?", but in a good way. So I looked a bit deeper into the topics dealt with in the book, and I was fairly surprised. I've never heard of some of the topics described in the book before, so these piqued my curiosity a lot. After a few considerations, I decided to buy the book, which I don't regret at all.
Where I finally got the time to enjoy reading this book *in peace* again, I can say I'm glad that I made that decision. It helped me change my whole life to another, to the life that I love. When I look back only a bit more than a year ago, I don't even recognize my old self anymore. I can't even believe that I used to be like that. I've changed and grown so much in that time... It makes me so proud, especially when I remember that I thought I couldn't get out of that deep, deep pit I fell into. Last year was a chaotic yet successful year, and one major aspect that made my success even possible in the first place was reading this book (and, of course, actually doing something about my life circumstances, as the book tries to tell the reader). Despite all the stressful times I went through, times when I was so tired that I almost couldn't even do anything but sleep once I had free time, I could get over the grief that was gnawing on my soul for so long. Now, 2025 has begun, and I'm striving towards the goals I couldn't achieve last year. Yet these goals aren't like hard expectations that "must be fulfilled". These goals are nice reminders of enjoying life again.
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ofironandivory · 22 days ago
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I want to know more about your non main f/os!!
Hi hi nonny!!
Ooooh, there's so many fun ones to talk about, but I feel like it's a good time to showcase my other soulmates, since I've been so focused on Viktor and a few others throughout this blog's existence (⁠〃゚⁠3゚⁠〃⁠)
Fair warning: this will sound very emotional and personal because each of these characters are very important to me and helped me out through some complicated parts of my life
Zuko was one of my first ficto crushes, but I was very little when I first fell for him, so I had no clue about selfshipping and I wasn't even able to draw properly just yet!
I wasn't always able to watch the episodes in order and I remember being VERY confused when he suddenly showed up with a head full of hair instead of his usual hairdo, but that just made me like him more XD
I remember spending most of my free time just daydreaming about him teaching me how to firebend and protecting me from the mean kids at school!
Zebruh was the one who introduced me to the selfship community, back in 2018! At first I was just keeping an eye out because Homestuck had risen from it's grave because of Hiveswap and Friendsim, but when I decided to check FS for myself I was immediately obsessed with this awful, awful, scumbag of a troll
Since the game was releasing new content, the fandom was extremely active and most people absolutely HATED Zebruh... It was a wild time for me, because I would make posts simping for him and having two types of people show up in my inbox:
OMG have you heard of selfshipping? There's a whole community that loves characters n stuff, just like you love Zeb! By the way, y'all are my OTP!
How can you like a disgusting piece of shit like Zebruh? You're an abuse apologist, I hope you die
So there were straight up just Zebruh antis, it was so bad that I remember a few call outs made about me by some very popular accounts, at the time, warning people about me for selfshipping with him lol
On one hand, it was a very stressful thing and since I was still a teen I was horrified whenever I found out I was blocked by someone, or I'd get really hurt when I received hate about something that made me so happy... On the other hand I met some awesome people and had a blast for a very long time!
My other blog, that focuses on him and my sona, still exists! Primarily for memes now, but it got SO MUCH BIGGER than what I had planned that I just enjoy keeping it around for fun and for the nostalgia of it all!
Zebby got me through some really rough shit and everything about him still brings me comfort, and when I feel like no one else cares about me, I know he does. And I have the reminder etched into my skin, forever looking out for me
Tadano is honestly the main reason I even survived getting out of my old house... I was pretty much raised to be my family's therapist since I was a toddler and it genuinely took me YEARS to make my mom realize that my father was a piece of shit and that we had to get out of that place.
When they finally decided to divorce, Aggretsuko season two had just come out, and it was one of the only things that helped me keep my sanity, honestly.. School was stressful as hell and coming home was even worse for so many reasons... My only escape was getting to watch that silly show with my mom after she got home from work.
When I first saw him it felt like life regained all the color it lost throughout the years, not even exaggerating. I rewatched all the scenes he was in multiple times, both in English and in Portuguese, just so I could hear his voice over and over again
Devil Jin is another childhood F/O! I got into Tekken 3 when I was super small and I've loved the franchise ever since, especially because of Devil Jin!
I've always been a maladaptive daydreamer and I remember going through the ringtones of my flip phone on the bus ride to school and just coming up with random scenarios of him and me
As silly as it may sound, I'm pretty sure that's what made way for me to use music and daydreaming to come up with my self inserts, original characters, universes, selfship lores and everything else! He sparked my creative force and it genuinely means the world to me
Yoosung showed up for me when I was struggling with an eating disorder and neglect from my father. My mom would work after I got home from school and I was obsessed with my appearance in the worst way possible...
I was making myself fade away and over exercising to the point where it constantly felt like I was about to faint. My old house was 2.5 kilometers away from the town center, and one day when I was walking to the gym (my father refused to drive me), I got robbed.
I was very disoriented and just rushed anywhere where I could call for help. A lot of awful things happened that day, but later on I got a new phone, and Mystic Messenger was at the peak of its popularity, so I decided to give it a shot, since I was very scared to leave the house.
Needless to say the game had me in a chokehold and I fell for Yoosung almost immediately. The way he would talk, the little reminders to eat and the calls with him gave me a reason to keep going when I felt like I was at my lowest.
He's the reason I beat my eating disorder AND the reason I have my sideways bangs, as a little tribute to the game's MC!
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Nathaniel was responsible for my obsession with dating sims and visual novels! Certain fandoms are way more popular here than they are in the US; like Static Shock, Everybody Hates Chris and My Candy Love!
I got very invested in the game, to the point where I'd even spend some of my allowance on action points for it! I was very dedicated to him, he was the only character I would romance and I had all of his CGs!
I kept up with the game for years, but as the prices got less manageable, the community got more toxic and the characters and story changed while I wasn't around, the spark for the game slowly faded.
I never fell out of love with Nath and I honestly feel very nostalgic whenever I look at his CGs, oldest to newest!
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i-am-beckyu · 1 year ago
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OKAY! sizeshifter thoughts,, this isn't really specific to any character at all BUT the reason i asked about jornos!tommy is because my thoughts apply pretty much directly to a sizeshifter who's primarily been one size for their whole life. so new shifters (whether that be thru magic or just genes)
idk how to summarize any of this....but i am thinking So Hard just about how chaotic it would be for someone to be burdened with newly-found shifting abilities. especially if it's emotion based.
when you newly know about something, you're going to do it a lot, sometimes subconsciously. like, if you learn to spin a pencil between your fingers, you're gonna do it a lot and not even notice!
so, imagine, like for a human, them sitting in class or at work or something and they're fidgeting with something, and it suddenly shrinks in their hand. and like imagine that was important,,, like their phone!!! and then they try super hard to channel energy to grow it back to normal that it's overall useless and it ends up being tiny for the rest of the day because of how stressed the human is.
yeah, sorry mom, i shrunk my phone and couldn't answer your call!
like ???? JFJSVD
orr a borrower has just came back from a borrowing spree, their first in a while, and is munching on a cracker, just in pure bliss at food, and suddenly the thing just grows. infinite food glitch, and new superpowers acquired?!
ORRR OR OR imagine a giant is yelling at the t in their hands, and the energy from how overwhelmed and scared the t is kinda subconsciously makes it's way into g's brain and it makes the t shrink??? IMAGINE HOW SCARY THAT IS FOR THE TINY???? super scared of this giant being and suddenly the being gets even BIGGER. idek if that makes sense but UGHHH it's rotating in my mind !!!!!
just super uncontrolled sizeshifting but for objects. i love it. adore it. eating it. YUM.
and then there's also the part of uncontrolled sizeshifting for their own person,, which is a lot more talked about, but the scenarios in which uncontrolled sizeshifting can happen is SOO COOL!!! imagine it's emotion based, but it can be regulated, but the person isn't good at it yet, cause it's a new skill! you can't ride a bike immediately, so why could you become a sizeshifter immediately? hmm???
hugging someone, and their brain is reminded that they have powers and they suddenly shrink. cutting veggies and their hand slips and suddenly they're five feet taller because their body wanted any kind of cut to be less severe. carrying groceries and they shrink and shit goes everywhere. getting jumpscared and suddenly POOF they're falling twenty feet. signing off a letter and they accidentally shrink a little bit and the pen just loses control and messes the whole letter up!!!! chopping a branch off with an axe and accidentally growing and the pressure of the swing chops the whole ass tree down!! MSHDHVSDVJ good stuff.
OH OH OH and someone who's kinda been experimenting with size difference and has embraced it, and they want to put their shoes on or get into a piece of clothing they like but they can't remember what their original height was so they have to fiddle around with it and end up wasting five minutes getting it just right—cause we know it looks right but it could totally be better
sorry this is long as HELL but i really love sizeshifters now..... :')
— brick
Brick I've said it before but I'll say it again: I would like to take a bite out of your brain and absorb the knowledge and ideas in it please because YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD AND I LOVE THEM!!! Def getting idea's for jornos right now!!! The thing on shoes is making my brain go brrr for a scene idea that I might execute :3
But but but but juts yesssssssss! I love the uncontrolled shifting too! I mean it's something I'm going to keep exploring with jornos so def gonna yoink some of these ideas for future writing (if that's okay of course)
And the shrunken phone thing is too good!!!!!! I love the idea of that and just how inconvenient it would be but also amazing to think that even that small it would still work! The shifter trying to unshrink it and being unsuccessful would have to shrink down to use it. But this also means the phone would be like the size of tictak!!! IT WOULD BE SO TINY!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
THANK YOU BRICK FOR YOUR RAMBLE!!! COME RAMBLE MORE AT ANY TIME!!!
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magpies-gold · 1 year ago
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I may have finally unlocked the thing what turns my unhealthy overproductive causes-me-burnout creativity into enjoyable creativity - and it's called working off of vibes.
In the past I've tried just taking breaks from being creative, but that never works. Doing things other than being creative just feels like I've put myself in time out from the thing I actually like doing. Ultimately, I want to be creative. I love making art! I love writing stories! I genuinely get life from being my artistic self like.... all the heckin' time. It's all I genuinely want to do is make stuff. What I don't get life from is making it a grind. Working to rigid schedules, focusing on daily goals and - oh my lord, I despise the push to monetize it. I'm leaning hard away from that these days, and I'm not sure how far I'll ultimately take my aversion to pursuing profit from my creative ventures. It doesn't make me significantly happier to make money off of it (even though sometimes it's necessary, like when disaster strikes and I don't readily have four digits in the bank account to fix whatever's exploded), especially when making money comes with added stress from things like figuring out the taxes on what I've made, and the horrors of the perpetual chase to make more money. The emotional balance trends towards the negative and I'm over it. So I'm attempting a vibes-based approach - doing things when it's good for me to, and in a way that is fun. Some of it's a bit of concerted de-programming: for example, my webcomic is a source of truly bad habits for no good reason. It exists only on my Patreon, and it is exceptionally obscure and always was. There is very little point in wearing myself out trying to pour twenty hours a week into a new page every single week just because one is supposed to stick to a schedule, but over the last decade or so I programmed myself very well to do just that. Getting out of that rut so that I can have a healthy relationship with it again is a fight, but I'm winning. I want to chase the short term happy of getting a new page queued up every Monday, but instead I'm refusing to do so. If the page is done, I queue it up a few days late. And then the next week a few days later than that. Always a different number of days, pushing it out of sync so that I can't fall back into routine and neither can my handful of readers. I did not ever promise them a schedule. A schedule is bad for me. Result? I (mostly) drew three pages this weekend and enjoyed it. They're not done, but I made a heck of a dent and didn't feel gross about it. I'll finish them over the course of the next week or so, in bits and pieces rather than forcing myself to sit still for hours at a time until the page is done. I should be stopping when I'm done. I'm also way happier with the art I'm making. I'm still churning it out quick, but the lack of self-imposed deadlines means that I can have fun with it. I'm doing similar things with my writing. It's nice when I can keep Alpha Base moving forward, but for the last while I've been muddling around in different directions than forward and it's actually getting the creative wheels spinning in my head better than the methodical one-step-in-front-of-the-other approach. If I have a hankering to jump elsewhere in the plot and write a scene, I do. If I need to explore an aspect of a character that technically falls into a prequel (because dang it, I'm starting to develop prequel material) then I go for that. If writing a drabble that might not even land in the book, or any of the book(s), is what I need, then I'm doing that, and it doesn't matter if I'm "ready" to or "there yet" - I'm just doing it. Vibes. It's all worthwhile.  Hell, I spent most of the weekend writing a purely fluff scene (me! writing fluff!) between two of my antagonists and I think that was one of the best ways to spend a weekend. I feel damn good about it and learned a ton about them both. I think I even know where in the book to put it, and I sure didn't when I started writing. Didn't know that would happen! Life's too short to spend turning everything into a dang job.  I just want to play. So to hell with it. We play.
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kierancampire · 1 year ago
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I just wanna preemptively say, I feel like my messages seem a lil manipulative and shitty, but they weren't intended that way and I was going through a lot at the time
It's been 4 years now since Nathan left. 4 years of being trapped with demons and going through a repeated suffering. It was just shit after shit, my family kicked me out May 2018, Kirsty put me through hell and kicked me out March 2019, I got with Nathan in late 2019, he left me in February 2020, Covid happened, found out nan had cancer early 2020, Anthony late 2020, nan died February 2021, I moved here late 2021 and started a process of hell. Then throughout all of this a lot of shit was going on with neighbours, systems, policies, people, catfishing, stalking, fights, financial issues, so much more
I think a part of a reason I have gained weight, let my teeth rot and decay, and have otherwise neglected myself is because I want to seem undesirable, it's also easier to blame it all on those excuses of why I can't get with anyone. It's been 4 years since he left, yet I have felt no desire to date again, I haven't wanted to let anyone in or close to me again, I still can't touch my own body, and I avoid and dread so many things still, I still haven't been able to touch The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Valentine's, especially Build-A-Bear Valentine's stuff just hurts to see still
For quite a while now I've really just stopped talking to people again, I had one friend I always spoke to even if I spoke to no one else, yet even him I have not been speaking to, and thinking on it, I blamed it all on housing stress when I moved here, but really it started with Nathan. I don't want to let him rule or dictate my life forever, but I don't exactly have a good track record of ex's, and I just don't want another Nathan, I mean, no one could do what Nathan did considering he took what I can never get back, but someone else could do similar and that's what I'm scared of
Something I haven't ever really spoken about, but during our relationship Nathan started choking me during sexual activity, either with his hand or he'd tie things around my throat. He never asked if I liked it, I didn't, he just did it one day and never stopped. I think that's why I remember that one time more vividly than the rest, because he started with him slamming me against the door by my throat, and then when he chucked me onto the bed and jumped on top of me so I couldn't escape, it was like he was suffocating my whole body instead of just my throat
My first sexual assault was by Dave, and initially it hurt and upset me, but it wasn't overtly traumatising or felt like it took a lot from me, it was just a shitty thing that sucked. But since Nathan and his repeated SA, and this big consent issue with full penetration, Dave's has always suddenly felt much worse. Another thing I have spoken little of, if at all, when Nathan suddenly sprung this break up on me, knowing how violated he made me feel, he asked if we could have sex one final time before he left, then asked again when I said no the first time. Even after leaving me and hurting me so extensively, he wanted to use my body one final time for his own pleasure
It's been 4 years to the day, yet it doesn't feel like it, it all feels so much more recent than 4 years. I do hope one day I don't keep suffering under this all, reliving it, feeling their parts in my hands, the anger, the shame, the disgust, the betrayal. But at the moment, it's all just still what I feel. I have seen he's got with someone new and all I want to do is scream at that person to run and tell them to leave him, but I know that even if I contacted this new boyfriend, he wouldn't listen. I just hope Nathan doesn't do to him what he did to me. He's clearly moved on, I have no idea if he even thinks of me still, if he gets off on the memories of violating me, or if he just forgot me and has moved on to his next target. But it's been 4 years since he left and I can still not let go or move on from what he did, and I think at least a part of me never will, he took a part of me that's frozen in time. I've been struggling with a depression phase again recently, and I think it's just cause around this time I was violated one final time, in a way that I can't even say was rape cause technically I consented to it, then he left, and it's still hard for me. Then in roughly 3 weeks it will be 3 years since nan died, my first real major death
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ghoulangerlee · 1 year ago
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Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.
On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.
Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?
Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....
Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)
oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.
Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).
I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.
So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)
THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.
And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.
Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.
honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.
yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)
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vanosslirious · 1 year ago
Text
BBS Dialogue Prompts #229
BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starter: [ 9 ]
H2ODELIRIOUS
What the hell is this shit?
I made it, I fucking made it.
I got the checkpoint.
This is going to be a good one.
What sheep?
He ain’t clicking no buttons.
It didn’t hit me.
Is this the money?
I don't think none of us have a soul.
I didn't mean to get up here.
Look at all these damn idiots.
Bring all the books.
Where’s the device?
We can beat his ass.
Don’t worry about that alarm.
That sounds like a lovely weapon.
Someone’s shooting at something over here.
I didn’t mean to do that.
I shouldn’t have done that at all.
They’re having a hell of a party in that room.
BRYCE
There's a rat in the kitchen!
Don't worry guys, I know what to do.
What do we do with him?
I gave one guy a rat.
I told you not to let my stuff catch on fire!
Oh my God, this is so stressful.
All the bread is cooked, bro.
At least someone is enjoying our food.
I bought ninety dollars of cheese.
Alright, guys, this is our moment.
SMII7Y
Let me get that off.
Amateur, you should’ve had that off in the first place.
Wait, no, don’t type it.
Look at him, he’s struggling under there.
Wait, did they fix this?
No, no, please, how do I get out of this?
I’m covered in guts.
Go to the safe room, just go to the safe room.
You guys better shut the fuck up, I’m out here fighting for my life trying to save this guy!
Don’t worry about this part.
BIGPUFFER
How do I do this?
I'm gonna slap you across the face, shut the fuck up.
I'm going left, I guess.
I'm doing pretty well for myself.
Cause you're hurtful to me.
Someone's already on it.
What happens if he loses the juice?
We're on a fucking deserted island.
It literally flipped upside down.
Just so I can hear him be miserable.
NOGLA
Oh, that was funny.
He's going so slow, but he did it.
No one cares about your inner monologue.
He better be ready for my chlamydia.
He's either going to heal it or get it, it's one of the two.
Alright, I don't want to hear no complaining back there.
I don't know about you guys, but I got wet.
You have more kills than them.
That's why we did that? To kill time?
Hop out, guys, no time like the present.
TERRORISER
What the fuck are you talking about?
How the fuck can you not know me?
Well, you found a way to make it offensive.
I win, I win again!
What the fuck did you just do?
I'm absolutely baffled how he got up there.
Why are you shooting?
What is it asking us to do?
Yeah, I did, I put it somewhere fucking useful.
Good thing we didn't lose our cool in there, guys.
VANOSSGAMING
That’s right guys, you don’t die, you just turn into a chicken.
Is this acid?
I didn’t get any, I need some.
I can’t understand you at all.
Who is that super villain?
We can do that after, you know, we win the game.
Goddamnit, I was going to jump too.
We're fine, we're fine, kill this guy real quick.
This is how my kitchen looks every time I try to cook.
I thought you were gonna say drugs.
BASICALLYIDOWRK
Anyways, as I was trying to say…
This guy is fucking cheating, bro, I don't know what the fuck is going on.
How about you shut the fuck up.
 I don't even want to play anymore.
It was pretty smooth.
What if we…held hands?
I have to protect you with my life.
What is your role, dumbass?
Kick him in the dick.
We need to turn around and go the complete opposite direction.
KRYOZ
That was an absolute nightmare on my ears.
You know the answer, dumb bitch.
This is like Titanic, kiss me, hold me.
Why'd you draw that dude?
Dude, there's like a lot of fucking rust on this grill and it is being a bitch.
I think you can hit a little bit more there.
Have we cleaned the roof at all?
I'll say we just leave it dirty.
Let's get this side done first, we must.
Don't ruin it yet.
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jaimistoryteller · 2 years ago
Note
Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.
All the love,
~ toribookworm ❤️
*smiles* it was a pleasant surprise to see the notification for this in my email.
It got a bit long, so I put it under a read more
*blinks* An invite to babble about what I want to talk about, hmmm, *head tips* well. Lately there's a been a lot of stuff going on. Most of which hasn't been good. I've been trying not to stress, but it isn't exactly working the way I want. My insomnia has been flaring up cause of pain *sighs*.
I've been working on coloring pages for my patreon. Here's the free ones I did for Valentine's Day, the rest I've done so far are part of the $1 a month tier. Haven't had anyone sign up in a long while, but hey, I am working on getting my patreon active and stable around my health hating me.
I've also done a little bit of digital art, Stiles/Bucky for Inell's birthday and her series In the Shadows. With it, I used a few new brushes I downloaded, and some new styles I have been trying out. There's been a lot of downloading and sorting of brushes to play with.
I've also made some gimp brushes of my own, which will get added to patreon as well, depending on the brush set, they'll either be early release for my patreons and then public for free fourteen days later. Most were created to make things easier when doing art for the coloring pages.
When I have the energy, I'm gonna test all my Sims4 CC for putting on there as well. I made a lot last year for that purpose, but then couldn't figure out how to clean copy test it. I was doing some cleaning when I remembered I have my old laptop, which does run Sims4 and I can use it. I had gotten it fixed last year, after it sat dead for a long while, in case this laptop goes down again, as it has done that twice due to life going wrong.
Writing has been hard. Well, maybe hard is the wrong word. I open up a doc on the computer or touchpad to write, and the words run the hell away *grumbles and shakes head*. Yet I can hand write plenty. Just means I will have to scan it in.
My muse has been focused on a Peter/Stiles unexpected pregnancy fic *grumbles like frustrated cat*.
I have all these other projects I want to work on, but no *side eyes writing notebook and the muse*. That's the one my muse likes, to the tune of more than 30 front/back hand written college rule paper.
Then when I can physically handle it, I do little things around my house. At least they feel little over all, even if they are huge as far as my body cares. So much pain caused, but I love the progress. I'm slowly getting my house repaired and rebuilt. I hate that every little repair ends up physically costing me hours where I am passed out cause pain, or wishing I was. *sighs*.
I get tired of having to beg for help, yet that is sadly a regular thing in my world. I'm sure others get tired of seeing it. It's sadly part of since commissions and my limited amount from patreon doesn't always cover the bills. I apply for small jobs where I can, but alas, due to health, that rarely works either.
I really appreciate the message and offer to babble. Apologies if it ended up being a bit more than expected, or wanted.
How is everything for you? anything you'd like to babble on?
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