#I mean I guess this is my own fault
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still supremely disappointed that Jiang Cheng did NOT have a sexy torture dungeon. What a sad miserable time!
All the antis promised me he'd have a super sexy torture dungeon where he tortures poor innocent demonic cultivators to death, and I gotta say, this was a disappointing find to discover there was no torture dungeon.
Or dungeon at all.
#I mean I guess this is my own fault#MY og blorbo tore out the tendons of like 4/6 of his students that HE raised from orphaned childhood#and they all formed a love shifu cult anyway#so I was PRIMED to love a guy who has a maladjusted torture dungeon#anyway#jiang cheng#he's got no torture dungeon and wwx is so sad to discover this#just as sad as me
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yuusha didn’t have anything else to wear so💥
#girl stop looking at me like that#the way i draw yuusha’s braid so inconsistently#anyways uhhhhh#unintentional sequel to my jamil art this morning???#or honestly this can be considered a totally separate incident#make up your own conclusions i guess because i dont know myself 😔#i just wanted to draw her in jamil’s sweater 😔💪#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twisted wonderland#twst#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#-✦—]#also-#it’s daylight savings here#which means our clock went back one hour#im eepy but cant eep#but also it may be because i steeped my tea for longer than i shouldve#my heart is. palpitating#(and the coffee this morning prob also contributed uhhhhh)#this is all jade’s fault#i’m FINE yall can ignore this fjdndjsj#lil lore update by me
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I absolutely HATE when people see their favourite character making a bad decision/messing up/having questionable morals in a fic and go
“that’s not my sweet little -name- they’re perfect and can’t do any wrong and this fic is now horrible because I don’t agree with how you wrote the characters”
like your right that’s not your sweet little -name- it’s theirs!! It’s the person who wrote the bloody fics characterisation and if you don’t like it then don’t read it omg
#also characters making bad decisions does not reflect the authors morals#and please for fucks sake stop saying that because they can write characters that believe immoral things means that they must believe that#some people just have an imagination#and are good at writing#but I don’t expect you to know what that’s like if that’s what you come to after reading something#it’s made up!! fiction!!! fake!!!!#this may or may not be because of a TikTok comment section#I have so many angry rants in my drafts because of tiktok comment sections#I could just not open them#but I do every time#it’s my fault#i guess#but not my fault people are stupid#that’s there own#marauders#marauders era#fanfiction#fanfic#characterisation#marauders fandom#the video might have been on choices just a little bit#so you can imagine the comments#i haven’t read it#but isn’t the whole point that people make good and bad and questionable CHOICES??#yk like the fucking name of the fic??#no? idk#mcd scares me#jegulus#choices#regulus black
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Or- another thought, Phantom trying out a grinder, one of those that are so soft that it's gentle on his sensitive cock, and if it has a vibrator with it you just know he's melting
I'll see myself out now
once again thanks to the man the myth the freak /lovingly legend @divine-misfortune for having a massive brain with ideas fhshhfhdhf
oh just imagine dhdhfhd Phantom sitting on it and slowly starting grind down. its amazing. with how soft the silicone is against their sensitive little cock, combined with how cool the lube is, its probably the only relief they've gotten all day. Phantom starts to think that they should book a check up with Aether or Omega about the pain but then they remember the remote control to turn on the vibration and the thought is quickly forgotten. all thoughts empty out of their head and all they can think about is how good they feel. they cant help the moans that escape their lips and honestly they dont care how loud they could be being right now. they can feel their clit throbbing as they grind it against the ridged surface of the toy. words start falling from their lips without them even realising it.
"please, Dew. please let me cum. ive been good just let me cum. Dew, please."
they repeat it like a mantra, speaking it out into their empty room as they get closer and closer to the edge. their body seizes up, hands gripping their bedsheets so hard their claws tear them, and they cum with Dew's name on their tongue. and now the sensations are too much. they scramble for the remote to turn the vibration off and flop onto their back, realising they had just begged Dew to cum when he wasnt even there... the realisation gives them an odd feeling. the shame they feel is overwhelming but they also cant deny that it doesnt turn them on juuuust a little bit for reasons they cant explain. something to think about later, they decide as they start to clean themself up
#phantom ghoul#cw forcemasc#i guess? i mean this one doesnt actually include any of it but its still part of the same idea fhshhfhd#anyway theres more to this one if anyone is interested teehee it gets weirder :3#also any inaccuracies are my own fault i am Very inexperienced with everything ever ghshbfhdbf
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celia hates basically all of chris's friends by virtue of them Being Chris's Friends (it personally offends her that there are people who love him better than she ever could in his life), but she has a special distaste for sandra, who she not only dislikes for being a dirty whore promiscuous, but she's also openly accused her of trying to steal chris from her, an accusation that held no weight when it was first leveled at her cuz sandra hadn't thought she cared about chris like that but it slowly became a self fulfilling prophecy as she spent more time with him and his parents and decided "yeah, actually, i am going to steal your son from you and your creep husband you piece of shit, fuck you celia fuck you fuck youfuck you"
#sandra starts noticing the way chris wilts with embarrassment and shame when celia insults either of them#or the way he flinches when raymond gets too close to him#and promptly chooses to take her accusation as a challenge because haha wow this is not a safe household for him is it celia!#for the record i think celia also detests that raymond clearly likes sandra but she's more concerned about her taking chris away from her#it's normal for husbands to get a wandering eye after all. it doesn't necessarily mean anything. not if she ignores it hard enough.#chris however...........that's her loyal little lapdog whom she hates but can't stand to not be around her#and sons *are* meant to leave eventually as much as celia dislikes the idea of him being free to make his own choices and embarrass her#she just needs to make sure that he goes to someone who'll help her keep that tight leash she has on him. someone who'll let her intervene#in his life if he veers off the path she wants him on. a path that constantly changes with her whims because it's more about being able to#control him than having any coherent end result#and she knows for a fact that sandra will help chris loosen that leash if she gets too close so she's immediately on the defensive the#second she meets her. she knows she'll be an Issue#the thing is though is it's partly her own fault because sandra might not have have gotten so invested if celia hadn't egged her on lol#i like her being a spite motivated person under the right circumstances. hehe#the goes wrong show#chris bean#sandra wilkinson#celia bean#chrissandra#chris&celia#abuse tw#misogyny tw#? idk if that's the best tag to use here just lmk i guess#marshy speaks#gotta say btw writing celia's fucked up patriarchy ridden inner monologue is so fun she has so many issues and problems#horrible woman. i hate her <3#i'm such a yapper i did not mean for these tags to get so long ghldkjsafkadsf#could've been their own post. but also. no they couldn't have. y'know#anyway this post has been in my drafts for too long. be released my child
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It really is a shame that the only sonic games I can think of where silver had a prominent role in the plot are arguably the two worst games in recent memory: 06 and forces
Idk much about him yet but I get the feeling bro deserves better
#“he was in generations too” as a miniboss and sidelines supporter with ten other guys#I mean actually involved in the plot as himself not as a generic part of a friend group#<- not hating on generations or that ending I thought it was all very cute#you know what i mean#btw I think this is a case of#correlation does not equal causation#just because the games he has a major role in are ass doesn’t mean it’s his fault I don’t think#I think it’s just an unfortunate coincidence#if anything silvers inclusion in forces was one of the nicer parts of the game for me!#and considering how many fans he has despite being from 06 im guessing he was pretty good there too#I hope he has a major role in a good mainline sonic game someday#or hell give him his own game!#I’m now chatting with my brother about how an open world silver game would be fire#sonic#sth#silver the hedgehog
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ughhhhhhhhh I’m gonna fail my lab practical tomorrow
#college#complaining yeah#how does one. have motivation to do schoolwork#I feel like I had everything so together in high school#straight A student/semi-popular at my theater/got to sit with a few friends at lunch and study hall and in class#and I was drawing! and helping in other ways! and everything!#everything.#too much “everything” can add up after 4 years or so.#4 years of doing my absolute best and getting rewarded for it#things are different. things have changed.#aged out of theater. don’t see anyone from school anymore.#and I know it’s my fault#I know I need to reach out more#I have reached out#something’s happening#I feel like I’m ruining my own life#I’m ruining everything.#all because I can’t bring myself to care anymore.#I just can’t.#sorry I.#didn’t mean for this to turn into a vent post.#idk if anyone’s even going to read this.#thanks I guess. um. /gen haha#…#yeah… yeah.
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This is what I get for getting my hopes up
#i really thought we stood a chance i really did#god#I’m so fucking upset#it feels like cancellation day all over again#my own fault I guess#shouldn’t have let myself believe we’d be saved#ofmd#our flag means death
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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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sighhhhhh this beautiful sound
this shit's how we've been feeling. like the instruments, that floaty numb cold feeling but still PAINFULLY borderline aware but unable to like yknow ENJOY?
all we've got left is media. and even that's starting to stop doing anything.
but what the fuck can we do, yknow?
each time this happens it's just so god awful.
and it just keeps happening, over and over and over, with less and less breaks between.
what if one day I can't get out of it?
what if one day we're just stuck numb and cold forever?
what if one day all we'll feel is this numbness and the sadness and the rage?
what then? will anyone be there?
will anyone care?
will we just be alone?
why would we stick around then, huh?
we're already basically friendless.
who's gonna wanna be friends when we have no personality, hell, no existence or REALITY left?
who's gonna wanna be in our fucking vicinity when we're nothing anymore?
that feeling like drowning.
we're ALWAYS drowning.
just brought up for air to get plunged back into the ice cold water for another round.
how long until we don't get brought back up?
#welcome to the island of misfit toys#you say the whole world ended. honey it already did.#Patrick posting#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#random posts#mental health vent#vent post#sorry for venting#it's just... happening again. yayyy..#and yknow all of you can say you care you can mean it. but I'll still fear for us the day we have nothing left to give#the day we can't be just... this anymore#i guess we'll just try to treasure whatever we have left while we still do. yknow. before the last bit of us dies#i hate my role here. sure i exist for a reason. wanna know what it fucking is?#I'm a sponge. I'm a fucking SPONGE. I'm only here to absorb all of that NEGATIVE SHIT that we can't handle.#it just FEEDS into my own mental health. and then I feel like the prick for what the fucking BRAIN created me to DO.#I'M IN HELL. and I'm there FOREVER because it's all I EXIST to do. I exist to SUFFER FOR EVERYONE ELSE.#and i dont blame the others. it isn't their fault.#but GOD am i tired of fucking venting. I'm tired of making these posts. I'm tired of these feelings.#I'm tired of being the sponge for this fucking mess. i just wanna be happier for like... yknow a week. nothing crazy.#just some time where we feel GOOD. really GENUINELY good. not fake good. not masking. REAL good. REAL joy.#mlandersen0 fictive#sorry for being depressing#sorry for the vent
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I am alone at Engelberg (i try to do things on my own so that I don't miss out on anything I love just bc nobody is coming with me). Normally this isn't a problem like I was alone in oslo too. But today is weird bc of the delays and stuff. I hate to start interacting with people and now I'm sitting all alone in the tent 🙃
#i mean it is my own fault#hopefully i find some people who look nice#also find someone who could be interested in autographs be#bc you guessed it#i hate asking jumpers for stuff
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I know the fish's brain waves were altered by a certain snakey boy but does the fish have other characters that cause neuron activation? Tier list of all the characters perhaps? 🤔
every time yall ask me to make a list i perish and am forced to reincarnate into a new vessel i'm on my 6th fish by now i swear
#feesh answer#i haven't finished the other 2 lists i'm supposed to make!!!!#the intimacy room tierlist is just HANGING there. MENACINGLY#and my new mission of bookmarking all of the yakufic is searing my eyebols into nothingness#...i mean. this is still technically my own fault again. i did this to myself. i choose to list until i perish#but i don't know exactly what you mean by neuron activation#hm. i guess this kind of list is less effort-intensive than the other two#i could conjure it up fairly easily#but what does neuron activation mean???#like.... carnal neurons? plot neurons? violence neurons? brain can be activated in many ways#hmmm.... i'll think about it#i always do#i just looked up 'weary sigh' in the thesaurus because i wanted to say it in a different way#but one of the options they gave me was 'tired blow' and i#dashfelsjfkrds
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You know you have a problem when you start RELATING to the song Waving Through A Window
#lol just wrote the sentence 'everyone gets sick of him eventually' and started spiralling because it hit too close to home#because my friend didnt text me back and because a different friend who I was always with walked into my common room said hi and ignored me#and don't get me wrong she was talking about me behind my back so I am trying to distance myself but fuck it hurt#im so tired of everyone getting sick of me#but i know its my own fault so i guess I can't complain#my social anxiety is so severe at the moment that i can't really handle much social interaction anyway#and I can't stop crying because I'm so sick of feeling this way#and i have my writing workshop tomorrow and I'm really scared#and the one person I want to talk to didn't text me back so now I'm scared to ask her for help#because I'm also riddled with guilt every time I go to her for help and I'm convinced she views me as a burden#BUT I MEAN THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE I'LL JUST COOK MY BURGER AND CALL IT A DAY#pls ignore this#personal#rambles#ramblings
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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Had a discussion with my parents yesterday about how horrible my thesis is going. When I left my mum was just like 'it will work out at some point'. Which is what I've been telling myself for the better part of one and a half years now. At some point it starts feeling more like a lie than anything else.
#i mean it's fine#my parents can afford it thankfully#but im gonna have to pay for my own insurance come march#and my mother too because shes not working at the moment#and like i dont want to put them under so much pressure?#but i also can't do this any faster#because for once its not actually my fault but just the 'circumstances'#its horrible and every day i struggle to go on#so just life i guess....#newt news
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...
#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
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