#I may revisit her portrait in the future but for now I wanted to get it done before a trip I'm taking and I have acomplished that goal

[artfullyimprobable]

For yards men buskers and bourgeoise, you table danced a coup d'état While sipping pink champagne

Commission info here

(REBLOGS > LIKES)

[maglover]

my new Ianthe hot take is that she’s actually really selfless. And not in the “girlboss is actually cinnamon roll way” as people might like to describe but in the way that her moral code, like the rules she sets for herself and follows is actually based on putting the people she cares about first. This is ultimately the tragedy of her character and why if my theory is correct, will be the cause of her death in Alecto the Ninth.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Ianthe is often mischaracterized as evil, cruel, whatever people want to call it, but she clearly has an internal code and despite everything, the only confirmed morally “wrong” thing she’s done is kill Naberius. All her actions are to an extent predictable and make sense within the context of each situation. I’m going to further elaborate that her killing Naberius, now I’ve revisited this, actually selfless act and nothing she’s done has been for self gain. I know HUGE hot take but I’ll explain.

What is Ianthe’s moral code?

It’s really simple. It’s a pecking order and honestly? She’s not first rung. The pecking order is as follows:

Coronabeth

Harrow (As of Harrow the Ninth)

Whatever who gives a fuck lol

That’s literally the code. Her interests are protecting and caring for Coronabeth, and incidentally NOW caring for Harrow. I’ll try to keep this post short and explain their romance later and why I find it as compelling as I do. But that’s the code. I didn’t put Ianthe as third because all her decisions for these two people are so vastly ahead of any self-serving ones that’s it is almost irrelevant.

So What?

This code objectively began when Ianthe decided that there were going to be 2 heirs to the Third House. It’s what their parents wanted. I’ve seen people say that Ianthe deciding to cover entirely for Coronabeth was a way of having power over here but that’s just like in context not true? Corona being the oldest will inherit the Third House, she will never get anything unless Corona dies and she has made it clear she will not let that happen. And she is content with this.

BUT if you consider that Corona doesn’t have necromancy powers, that HIGHLY implies that Corona should have been Ianthe’s cavalier, not Naberius and Naberius was a smokescreen. So in that case any Lyctor ascension for Ianthe would have meant killing her sister and she DOES NOT want that. She will under no circumstance allow Coronabeth to die because she literally loves her more than herself. Her killing Naberius not only keeps the charade going but saves Coronabeth’s life (I may make a post about how Corona is resentful of Ianthe and also does not share the same sentiment of preservation and will kill Ianthe because she, Coronabeth, is the bad twin). Keep in mind intrahouse assassinations are not uncommon in the Third House, but Ianthe is like sure but we’re built different.

Ianthe becoming Lyctor is sure fun immortal ultimate power but that power is at the end of the day mainly to protect Corona. When she sides with John Gaius over Augustine it’s because she knows if he dies the universe dies and her sister dies and everything she’s done her entirely life to protect sister is for nothing. Ianthe cannot fathom harming her sister and straight up wants hers death if unavoidable to be as painless as possible. For Ianthe, if Corona dies her life has no purpose.

Ok, What does this mean?

I believe in HtN, some of her character development has been to gain some autonomy from her sister and becoming her own person, even joking about it “wanting portraits of herself”. I think her feelings for Harrow are indicative of this development and genuine. When she says that she “wants to marry Harrow one day”, she’s not being facetious but she realizes that there is someone she cares for more than herself, someone aside her sister and someone she genuinely wants to have a future with. But she will ultimately fail to do this in the end when her sister will do something she could never do herself: end her life. She will spend her life giving to the people she loves but die having no one who gives for anything in return.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Chain of Iron theories: who becomes a Downworlder

Alright so I took a break from posting my theories to enjoy the comedic hijacks of the letter game, but March 2 draws closer and I have more theories to release on to the masses. So I decided to jump back in with a hot one. We will be seeing more of the downworld in books to come, including esteemed members such as Magnus Bane, Camille Belcourt, and Woolsey Scott, and  someone in TLH’s future is not with the shadowhunters, but as a downworlder. I am assuming that this person will turn into a vampire or a werewolf, as warlocks are born and turned fey usually have to grow up in fairy. Also because (minus the rare warlock) werewolves and vampires are what make up the predator Lupus and we know we are going to revisit TPL and see it develop more as an organization. As always theories are below.

3.) Thomas Lightwood becomes a downworlder {werewolf (retracted)}

When I first hear that someone was turning into a downworlder I immediately theorized Thomas because I knew the found family tree says he dies at 30 and I was looking for a way for that to be wrong. So my idea was that maybe Thomas got turned into a downworlder at 30, had to leave to learn to control his powers, and that the clave wrote him off in their records as having died because they are just that terrible. I am retracting this theory though on a few grounds. One learning that the silent brother who wrote the found family tree was Brother Zachariah. Jem would not do do such a cruel and bigoted thing, he is and has always been better than that. Secondly 10 years after TLH the world wars happen and I cannot imagine that Shadowhunters are not negatively effected by something so catastrophic and wide spread. I googled when the world wars happened rechecked the Thomas’s wiki page and sure enough he is said to die one year into the first world war, at the same year the air attacks started in London.

My conclusion is that while I would like Thomas to become downworlder, if it would allow him to live past being 30, I find it unlikely. I now believe that Thomas dies trying to help mundanes evacuate London or take shelter during air attacks. (Drying my own tears, handing everyone who needs one a tissue, and moving back to the downworld theories)

2.) Charles Fairchild becomes a downworlder (werewolf)

So I preety much think if it is a Shadowhunter it will be one of the Fairchild brothers. they’re just about the only ones left where it is a tose up whom continues the family line. I know Matthew is more likely, but until I read Matthew’s trandformation written by Cassandra Clare herself it could still be Charles. How it would happen is a little more tricky for me to explain, but I might have something. See Charles is on my list of potential characters Belial may possess and turn into the killer. I also said that if he is the killer than I only see a 50% chance he will be freed from that control by Matthew or one of TLH gang. But what if Belial sends him to attack the Merry Thieves when hey are at The Devils Tavern or Hell’s Ruelle, you know a place that also has werewolves, and before he can vanish he is bit by one? Then he transforms at the next full moon. What if Belial can only control human minds and since a werewolf is half animal changing into a wolf snaps Charles out of Beial’s control? Then him turning into a downworlder wouldn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. He could meet Matthew later and tell him about the change freeing him, then Matthew could go tell Will and Charlotte, and they could make new alliances with the downworld to help take down Belial.

(Is this whole theory me tying to convince myself Matthew woun’t be turned and James and Matthew won’t lose their Parabatai bond?) Who’s asking? Its like 97% that. The other 3% is me really wanting Charles to go talk to Woolsey Scott because I felt really bad for him in TLH when he implys that the reason he hates being gay is because as far as he knows gay men are not allowed to be political leaders. I get it, representation is important.

1.) Matthew Fairchild becomes a downworlder (Vampire) 

Matthew is the most likely one. We all know it, there have been hints foreshadowing in every one of Matthew’s appearances dating back to his first appearance in Nothing But Shadows, when he first said he does not like the way shadowhunters live their lives and  wishes he were not one. We know he prefers to associate with downworldrs and frequents their establishments as an escape when his life as a shadowhunter gets to be to much for him. While I doubt he would ever ask someone to turn him (he wouldn’t want to leave Henry or the Herondale’s) as we saw in Cast Long Shadows when at downworld establishments Matthew isn’t always careful and can be too trusting. Throw in the alcohol he is always drinking and something is bound to happen. Judging by that line where he tells Cordelia that he would “like a portrait of himself that shows that... while he stays forever young” something will happen with him and a vampire. Matthew might make a better downworlder than a shadowhunter, especially if he eventually joins the Predator Lupis. That is a care taker job and he is loves/ is great at being James and Henry’s care taker.

It would be heart breaking for Matthew to no longer be able to see Henry or to lose his Parabatai bond with James. Lets remember though that James and Cordelia likely become the London Institute Heads after Will steps down, and in COHF Sebastian said that the London Institute and Predator Lupus head quarters had famous ties to each other once upon a time.  So if Matthew Changes into a vampire he may not lose James and Cordelia for good. His and James’s their will change yes, but it can withstand. Just like Will and Jem’s bond changed but withstood Jem becoming a silent brother.

Bonus) Bridget Daly (Vampire??? possible fey connection??? )

So Bridget Daly. The London institutes crazy,  dark ballad singing, child watching, frying pan brandishing, over all amazing resident is still somehow alive in TDA, and if we keep  reading TLH we will eventually know how. (She is just to tough to die. The grim reaper hasn’t come for her soul because she terrifys him). Lately I have seen theory’s crop up that the person who becomes a downworlder won’t actually be a shadowhunter, but it will be Bridget, and that is how she gains immortality. I love this. But I need details and no one is providing me. Is Bridget attacked? Who hurt this women? Is this the result of some dark spell? Or did she have some downworlder do it to her by choice? Did she know that Shadowhunters   were just going to get moe stupid and crazy as time went on, and decide that for Londons (if not the worlds sake) she needed to stick around and sing/beat some sense into their heads?

Make me cry. Stephen Herondale grew up at the London institute. Stephen knew Bridget. He had this amazing (possibly downworlder) women in his life for 17 years and he still fell into Valentine’s trap after moving away. Did Bridget grieve over him? In another life Jace could have grown up at the London Institute. He could have grown up helping Bridget cook and learning her dark ballads!!! (hey fanfic writers)

I don’t know what we will get from these books regarding Bridget Daly’s future, but she is an amazing character, and her story better do her justice.

[correspondencearchive]

2. Natalia Nakazawa & Nazanin Noroozi

Natalia Nakazawa and Nazanin Noroozi discuss their use of archives and photographs, creating hybrid narratives, cultural transmission, and the formation of personal and cultural memories.

Natalia Nakazawa, Obtrait I, Jacquard woven textile, 71 x 53 inches, 2015, Photo credit: Jeanette May

Natalia Nakazawa: First off, Naz, how are you doing? There has been so much going on - it is far too easy to forget we have bodies. We have families, we have things we need to do, and we need to take care of ourselves. As they say, put the oxygen mask on first, and then help others. Can you maybe start by just telling us what your day looks like? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Nazanin Noroozi: I’m doing ok. I have to balance my day job and my studio time. My day job is working in high-end interior design firms in which our clients spend millions and millions of $$$ on luxury goods. It is very interesting to look at the wage gap especially considering the pandemic. When someone can spend 40k on a coffee table for their vacation house, and you hear all the issues with the stimulus checks etc, it makes you wonder about our value system and how our society functions.

As for self-care, I guess just like any other artist, I buy tons of art supplies that I may or may not need! I just bought a heavy-duty industrial paper cutter that can cut a really thick stack of paper! I needed it! I really don't have room for it, but I bought it! So that is my method of self-care! Treat myself to things that I like but may be problematic in the future. ;)

Natalia: I recently re-watched Stephanie Syjuco’s Art21 feature online where she talks about having to actively decide to become a citizen of the US, despite having come to this country at the age of 3. One of the poignant points she brings up is how we are all reckoning right now with what it means to be “American”. She also brings up the iconic photo taken by Dorothea Lange  of a large sign reading “I am an American” put up by a Japanese American in Oakland right after the declaration of internment - thinking about how citizenship can be given or taken away. This all feels very relevant right now. What do you think about these questions? How do you use archives and photos of our past to engage in these issues of belonging, citizenship, and the precarity of it all?

Nazanin: What I try to do with archives is to question them as modes of cultural transmission and historical memory. I think many artists deal with archives in a more clinical and objective manner, whereas I like to add my own agency to these found photographs. When one looks at a family album or found footage, one is already looking at fragmented narratives. You never know a whole story when you look at your friend’s old family albums. I truly embrace this fragmented, broken narrative and try to make it my own. I also constantly move back and forth between still and moving images, printmaking and painting, experimental films and artist books. So there is this hybridity in the nature of found footage itself that I try to activate in my work. In these works handmade cinema is used as a medium to re-create an already broken narrative told by others, sometimes complete strangers to tell stories about trauma and displacement. That is what fascinates me about archives. The fact that you can recreate your story and make a new fictional alt-reality.

Nazanin Noroozi, Self Portrait

Natalia: But who is to say these if fictional alt-realities are less important or less serious than purely “art historical” narratives? One of the things that I am exploring in my work is giving space for slippages in memory, rearranging of timelines to accommodate a lived experience. What happens when we look at collections - even museum collections - with the same warmth, tenderness, and care that we would an old friend? What possibilities are dislodged there? What benefit is there to towing the status quo - which is built on white supremacy, stolen artifacts, and other types of lying, exclusion and dubious authoritative storytelling? Also, there are so many family histories that often become reified - being told and retold with certainty over and over again. How do we claim agency from that oppressive knowledge? The things we tell ourselves about our families may not be “true” so what do we risk by revisiting our archives and re-telling those histories through our current eyes? When we re-examine the history - we may discover new ways of seeing and being with ourselves.

Nazanin: I like to think of photographs as sites of refuge. When you look at a photograph of a kid’s birthday from many years ago, you know for fact that this joyous moment is long gone. These mundane moments that bring you “happiness” and security won't last. It’s like “all that is solid melts into air”. In a larger picture, isn't everything in life fragile and fleeting and there is absolutely no certainty in life?  For example, look at how Covid has changed our “normal everyday” life. A simple birthday party for your kid was unimaginable for months. In “Purl” and “Elite 1984”  I mix these mundane moments with images of flood, natural disasters and other forces of nature to talk about fragile states of being and ideas of home. I digitally and manually manipulate footages of a stormy Caspain Sea, Mount Damavand or a glacier melt to ask my questions about failure or resistance, you know? I let the images tell me the new narrative, both visually and thematically.  

Something I find really interesting in your work is how you re-create these alt-realities by actively and physically engaging your audience into participating in your work, like your textile maps - called Our Stories of Migration? Do you have any fear that they may tell a story you don't like? Or take your work to a place that you didn't anticipate? How do you deal with an open-ended artwork that is finished but it needs an audience to be complete?

Natalia Nakazawa, Our Stories of Migration, Jaquard woven textiles, hand embroidery, shisha mirrors, beetle wings, beads, yarn, 36 x 16 feet, 2020, Photo credit: Vanessa Albury

Natalia: I am always stunned by the generosity of the people I meet - those who dive in and share their own histories - and I think it points to a universal need of ours to share and connect. There is always potential to create intimacy - even within the walls of large institutions, such as schools or museums - when our own lives are placed at the center with care and concern. I’ve never heard a story that didn’t make me pause and grant me more space for contemplating the complexity of being a human on this planet. We have all kinds of mechanisms for memory - archives, written diaries, photos, paintings, objects - but at the end of the day they are nothing without our active participation. Quite literally they are meaningless unless they are being interacted with. That has been the entry point for me, as an artist and educator. How do we take all of these things that exist in the material world and make sense out of them? What does the process of “making sense” do to the way we live TODAY? Or, perhaps, how we envision the future? It is almost like a yoga practice, a stretching of the mind, a flexibility to think backwards and forwards - that lends us more space to consider the present.

Nazanin: Yeah! I think you really are on point here! I think we really can't understand our existence without retelling the history and recreating new realities.

Nazanin Noroozi, The Rip Tide

Natalia: Thank you, Nazanin! Anything coming up for you that you want to mention?

Nazanin: Yes, I am actually doing a really amazing residency at Westbeth for a year. This is an incredible opportunity as I get to live in the Village for one year and have a live-work space in such an amazing place. Westbeth is home to many wonderful artists!

Natalia Nakazawa, History has failed us...but no matter, Jacquard textiles, laser cut Arches watercolor paper, vinyl, jewels, concentrated watercolor and acrylic on wood panel, 40 x 90 inches, 2019, Photo credit: Jeanette May

Natalia Nakazawa is a Queens-based interdisciplinary artist working across the mediums of painting, textiles, and social practice. Utilizing strategies drawn from a range of experiences in the fields of education, arts administration, and community activism, Natalia negotiates spaces between institutions and individuals, often inviting participation and collective imagining. Natalia received her MFA in studio practice from California College of the Arts, a MSEd from Queens College, and a BFA in painting from the Rhode Island School of Design. She has recently presented work at the Arlington Arts Center (Washington, DC), Transmitter Gallery (Brooklyn, NY), Wassaic Project (Wassaic, NY), Museum of Arts and Design (New York, NY), and The Metropolitan Museum of Art (New York, NY). Natalia was an artist in residence at MASS MoCA, SPACE on Ryder Farm, The Children’s Museum of Manhattan, Wassaic Project, and Triangle Arts.

www.natalianakazawa.com @nakazawastudio

Nazanin Noroozi is a multimedia artist incorporating moving images, printmaking and alternative photography processes to reflect on notions of collective memory, displacement and fragility. Noroozi’s work has been widely exhibited in both Iran and the United States, including the Immigrant Artist Biennial, Noyes Museum of Art, NY Live Arts, Prizm Art Fair, and Columbia University. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Artistic Freedom Initiative, Elizabeth Foundation for the Arts, NYFA IAP 2018, Mass MoCA Residency, North Adams, MA and Saltonstall Foundation for the Arts Residency, NY. She is an editor at large of Kaarnamaa, a Journal of Art History and Criticism. Noroozi completed her MFA in painting and drawing from Pratt Institute. Her works have been featured in various publications and media including BBC News Persian, Elephant Magazine, Financial Times, and Brooklyn Rail.

www.nazaninnoroozi.net @nazaninnoroozi

[nutty1005]

Portrait Magazine, a Different Xiao Zhan

Original Article:https://www.weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404482696049983787 Original Author: 花非花2218 

(TN: There is an electronic version of the magazine available to subscribers. The author had already read the electronic version and was giving her thoughts on the hardcopy version.)

I finally received my Portrait Magazine yesterday. After a short nap in the afternoon, I set down my cup of tea and carefully read it from front to back, spending almost 2 hours on it. Although the contents are the same as the electronic version, the feeling you get when you flip through paper is different.

“Print means a slowed down mind… the written and then the printed word brought a new kind of social organization to civilization. It brought logic, science, education, civilité.”

- Niel Postman in “The Disappearance of Childhood”

The above quote was proven right every time I experience print media – truly, your heart will quieten down when you read print media.

I had read the electronic version countless times and almost memorized every single anecdote. When re-reading it from the magazine itself, it amazed me to realize that I was attracted by the understatements inside and outside of these anecdotes. The words leaped at me playfully and astonished me.

I actually do not quite agree with this conclusion. When he entered the entertainment business, his social experiences were probably the same as those who were of the same age, i.e. a newcomer who has worked for about 1 or 2 years. However, it was astonishing that he was able to absorb the precious essence of work life despite the short period of time, and had come to a realization that not even some of those who had worked half their lifetimes would understand.

Also, as fan of his interviews, I always enjoy his words, and his words are always mature beyond his age. This made me wonder where he found this amount of clarity in his life.

There are people who are able to understand and relate to the world without having to travel there personally; there are those who traveled everywhere but yet unable to call themselves a traveler. I once read a review about “Venice Diary” (a Chinese short story by Mr. Ah Cheng) – “When we read another person’s travelogue, we see his thoughts and his feelings, almost as though we went there ourselves. If the author had greater sensitivity and analysis skills than me, it might even be more interesting than visiting there myself.”

These people are more commonly found among artists and writers. For example, Eileen Chang, who wrote countless classic love novels despite having a calm love life. Han Shaogong also had ability to draw complexity from simplicity, “You can find a thousand miles of lands and ten thousand miles of plains from just a fallen leaf.” Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa said it even better, “The wise man makes his life monotonous, for then, even the tiniest accident becomes imbued with great significance.”

A man with a childlike curiosity, a strong hunger for knowledge, an acute sensitivity and the intuitive perception to see beyond what is before him – Xiao Zhan is someone who is able to see the world from just a flower.

The word “only” is like the orange highlighter he used to mark out his lines in his scripts – bright and vivid in my mind. After repeatedly analyzing this line, I realized that Xiao Zhan has a stubborn persistence with “excellence”. This was not just his desire to win – his opponent was none other than himself, and fulfilling his potential to the maximum.

To go from outstanding to excellent, the deciding factor does not lie in the doer’s ability but rather whether the doer wants it. With such extreme desire for excellence, the universe may just align itself for you, and you can move the world with just your thoughts.

I realized that I was too simplistic when understanding sensitivity. Previously, I thought this was related to the senses, for example, how he was sensitive to the changes of the Seasons; being sensitive to other people’s emotions and hence being able to invoke empathy in his audiences. After reading this, however, I realized this was more with regards to his observational skills – his interviewers, the sound engineer in his shoot, the deliveryman in the lift and the hawkers by the roadside.

To Xiao Zhan, this kind of observational skills are as natural as breathing. This also meant that he had already imbued acting as an instinctive part of him – he had already identified himself as an actor.

Director Sun Hao from the “Joy of Life” also said that during a group fight scene, Xiao Zhan continued to stay in character even though the focus was not on him, he would not just strike a pose and wait it out, but still remained in focus and in the character’s emotions.

When I read this part, I suddenly thought about the flow in psychology – when a person is fully immersed in something he loves doing, he will be giving it his full focus and enjoy the process entirely. This allowed me to understand from a different angle as to why Xiao Zhan said he was obsessed with acting, why he was “high” from performing. This was because acting made him full of energy and a great sense of satisfaction. This realization also calmed my mind and brought my heart down-to-earth – He truly embraced his identity as an actor, and if he continues with this attitude, he will soon be known as “Actor Xiao Zhan” instead of “Celebrity Xiao Zhan”.

When Chen Yu Shan spoke to Xiao Zhan then, he was still a newcomer with zero experience in acting, a young man confused about his future. However, if you read this, you would realize that this is still applicable today.

The best part about print media magazine would be having plenty of accompanying photographs in the article of over 20 pages. I find myself attracted to the series of photographs by Mei Yuan Gui, because he did not attempt to showcase Xiao Zhan’s good looks, such as his beautiful eyes or prominent facial structure, but instead, focused on capturing his inner essence – unyielding, relentless, ambitious and real.

On the cover, the sun shines through the thin shutters onto his face from the right. The shadows from the thicker shutters catches my eyes, and from my initial glance, he seemed rough, highlighting the values and direction of this interview – strength and authenticity.

The cover of Portrait

This is my favorite picture, reminds me of the lyrics “Let me sleep, like flowers falling”

Innocence, stay forever passionate and innocent

His desire to win

Actually, when I received the magazine, I read the preface “From a name to another name, defy labels and prejudice” first. When reading the electronic version, the world was still at peace; now, the world had been upturned, my state of mind had changed drastically. As such, the preface had a lot of passages that resonated with me:

The internet created this era where reality seems suspended and what lies above appear to be fantasy. Public figures need to fill in the space in this fantasy as material to be spied and watched upon, and become the carriers of entertainment and commentary. Outside of this chaos, the reality has less of this hypocritical sympathy, but this also meant that it will never become the state whereby everything could be judged morally.

This issue’s cover person is Xiao Zhan, and from this boy who rose to fame overnight, it was hard for us to find any joy from his fame. In what he said, the vague moments of joy and happiness, those had nothing to do with fame, spotlight and the overwhelming adoration.

Behind Xiao Zhan’s symbol as the top celebrity, we can see a sensitive and disciplined young man, in the middle of the gigantic whirlpool of the entertainment business, quietly examining his journey from the depths of his memories.

The charm of literature or novels comes from the ability to recreate and capture what people may overlook or forget, despite the bustling chaos, despite the humble or even mean labels attached. A young man who is placed in the middle of a stage, but he loved the greenery and fields in between his shoots; A lady who was a sex symbol but decided to shed that label, and her current greatest joy was to go home for dinner. These appeared to be insignificant, but to these celebrities, and perhaps those who are reading their stories, these were moments to be cherished and revisited.

[thaisibir]

La Vie en Rose (Bede and young!Opal time travel fic)

La Vie en Rose (Life in Pink) Rating: T (for character deaths and language) Chapter 2/10 - Meeting Celebi (length: ~3k words) Summary: Bede doesn’t get why that loony old bat Opal wants him to be the next Fairy-type Gym Leader. To help him understand, Opal has Celebi take Bede back to the time of her youth.

(For other chapters, look up the tag “pokemon la vie en rose” or go to my profile)

As Bede carried the photos downstairs, a single burning question pervaded his thoughts: how did Opal’s nose get so long? Did she tell too many lies? Did she look at her feet too much and gravity pulled her nose down? But he thought it better to keep his mouth shut about that.

Once at the kitchen, Opal brewed tea while Obstagoon made salad sandwiches for lunch. Exactly what kind of salad sandwiches changed with each day. Today was egg salad. Opal’s hands were too frail and shaky to handle a knife, so she left that task to Obstagoon.

She had her back to Bede while she prepared the tea, but as she turned to give him his teacup, she said, “I’m sorry for getting upset with you. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“I wasn’t scared,” he quickly insisted. “It’s my fault, anyway. I shouldn’t have poked around where I shouldn’t be.” He ventured a question. “Why did you want to forget those photos?”

She settled into her chair with a shuddering sigh. “When you get to be as old as I am, Bede, you’ll learn that revisiting distant and dusty memories of people you’ve outlived can really hurt. If I was going to pick someone to inherit my Gym Leader mantle, I had to look to the future, not the past. I didn’t want to lose my focus, and I didn’t want to feel the pain. So I locked those memories away, and enough years passed so I couldn’t get up that attic and remember where I last left them.”

Bede didn’t know what to say to that. What could he possibly say to offer comfort or a solution? He set the photos over the dining table, muttering thanks to Obstagoon as the Pokemon offered him a slice of sandwich on a plate. He took that as a forgiving gesture from Obstagoon for upsetting Opal earlier. Typical of women her age, Opal avoided foods that would be hard on her teeth and gums, so it had been a while since Bede chewed on something like crackers and candy. Not that he complained. Obstagoon knew how to make good sandwiches.

“But now you don’t want to put away those photos anymore because of me,” Bede said.

Opal smiled at him. “You’re the chosen one. I’ve completed the hardest part of my task. Now that I can see the future, a future with you in it, I can afford to look back at the past without it hurting so much.” The old woman gazed down at the photos and took a long, thoughtful sip of her tea. “My, it’s been a long time since I’ve looked back at my better days.” She ran a hand through her snow-white hair. “This used to be so dark.” Then she tapped the tip of her long nose. “And this...” She glanced up at Bede with a twinkle in her eyes. “You’re probably wondering how this turned into a broomstick on my face.”

He merely hid his smirk behind the teacup in reply.

Opal tapped at her nose again. “Runs in the family, unfortunately. Got it from my dear old mum. Hers came in even earlier than mine. Ah, speaking of Mum, there she is. My last photo with her.” She pointed with a long painted nail at the two women standing in front of the Ballonlea Gym. Next to a young Opal—who Bede guessed to be in her late teens—was a woman with wild, dark hair down to the middle of her back, with wide eyes that seemed perplexed and distant before the camera. While Opal smiled for the picture and was well-dressed in a stylish blouse and skirt, her mother had a tight-lipped frown and wore a shawl frayed at the edges. “She was quite the character, my mum. Even more kooky than me, if you could believe it.”

“Hard to believe,” Bede admitted.

Opal chuckled at that, then she pointed at another photo. “Mightyena, Obstagoon, take a look. Those Pokemon next to my Roger, they are your great-great-great...great grandfathers.” She had to think and count on her fingers to say that.

Obstagoon peered over Opal’s shoulder, while Mightyena, closer to the ground, had to prop both front paws on the table to look over the table edge. All three smiled for the photo, with Mightyena sitting on one side and Obstagoon standing at the other. Roger had one hand over Mightyena’s head and the other on Obstagoon’s shoulder. The present-day pair of Dark type Pokemon stared down at the photo, pleased and intrigued to see their ancestors for the first time.

“You take after them in every way, if I do say so myself,” Opal remarked. She pulled out another photo and addressed Bede this time. “There’s me on my first day as Gym Leader.”

Bede knew from the League Card that Opal must have eighteen by that time. Framed by the photo, inside the Gym stadium, an eighteen year-old Opal posed with straight-backed pride. From her hands on her hips to the smirk on her face, she radiated confidence. Alongside her were Weezing, Togekiss, Mawile, and Alcremie: the same team of Pokemon she used right up to her retirement. Same kinds of Pokemon, to be exact, but not the very same that had been with her seventy years ago. Those original Pokemon were long gone. Bede wondered how Gym battles were fought back then. Not for the first time since staying with Opal, he was reminded of how long she had been around, roughly five times longer than he’d been alive, and the fact never ceased to amaze him.

Opal picked up the photo that was on the verge of tipping over the tabletop. “Oh, here’s my old man, Sir Lionel Roy. And that’s me with my brothers.”

The family posed before a mansion this time, clearly not in Ballonlea. Opal was a little girl—Bede guessed before ten years old—and she cradled a Togepi egg in her arms. Standing rigidly beside her in suits were two boys, one nearly identical to Opal in height and hairstyle while the other was shorter and younger. The severe-looking man standing over them, their father, had a bristling mustache obscuring the top lip and a tophat tucked in one arm. The male Pyroar sitting beside him looked just as stern. The only one smiling in that solemn, formal family portrait was a Yamper at the feet of the older boy.

“That boy is my twin, Randall. The other one is Kestrel.”

“Your family looks loaded,” Bede remarked.

“Hardly anyone knows that these days,” she replied modestly. “I may have been born in Wynwall, but I spent most of my life here in Ballonlea.”

“Wynwall?”

“Don’t you know your Galar history, my boy? Where do you think that Chairman Rose got the name for the city he built? The land he settled on for his city was called Wynwall for ages.”

At her hint of exasperation, Bede scowled and stuck out his bottom lip. “I skipped lessons at the orphanage. I had crummy teachers who hit the back of your hand with a ruler and put you in timeout with a dunce hat on your head.”

“In that case, my dear, I don’t blame you for skipping them.” Opal patted his hand with sympathy, then resumed her grip on the teacup to drink the last of her tea. “Anyways, that’s my family. The Roy family.”

Bede scanned through the many photos Opal hadn’t mentioned and discussed. Pictures of her with Jasper: exhausted yet beaming as she held her newborn son for the first time, reading a book to him on his bed, caught in mid-laughter when he put a theatrical mask over his face the wrong way. Pictures of her with Roger: posing backstage in period costumes, swept up in the passionate wind of singing a duet on stage, dressed in their best and in each other’s embrace on their wedding day. Even through the sepia tone of old photos, a distant past, Bede could really feel the vibrant color of Opal’s spirit jumping out at him. He took in the portrayals of important people who once populated Opal’s life, then looked up to find a pitiful and lonely sight as she sat alone across from him. “What happened to them?”

She turned wistful eyes to the window. “All sorts of things. I could talk your ear off all day long and my rambling will put you to sleep better than a Pokemon could use Hypnosis, or I could invite someone who will do a much better job of showing you than I ever could.” Opal lowered her teacup to level a serious gaze at him. “Bede, my boy, there’s someone special I want you to meet. But first, we have to wait for the morning of spring equinox, and I have to prepare a special treat for that special someone.”

Bede scrunched up his brow in confusion. “That’s oddly specific.”

“Indeed. Did I already mention that our visitor’s quite special?”

“So who’s coming?”

But she wouldn’t tell him. Spring equinox was a week away, so Bede spent that week passing the time with reading Ruby’s book, training in Glimwood Tangle, keeping Opal’s house clean, and occasionally bugging her with the same question. Each time she would not answer, much to his dismay.

“You should be focusing on your studies,” she would tell him with a wagging finger. “If you don’t study, you’ll fail my quizzes.”

That lady just loved asking questions. She could come up with new ones every day without effort, and Bede had to be ready for any tricky ones she would give. She wanted him to know Fairy type Pokemon inside and out, just like she had.

Late at night before spring equinox, well past his bedtime, Bede watched Opal make a cheri berry pie that made his mouth water. But it looked too small of a serving even for him. Was Opal talking about a tiny child? At the crack of dawn, he followed her out of the cottage and deeper into Ballonlea, away from the human populace and where the mushrooms clustered closer overhead.

Bede glanced back at the house. “You’re not taking Mightyena or Obstagoon with you?”

“Our visitor is very shy and doesn’t take well to Dark type Pokemon. Best if it’s just the two of us coming up.”

Impatience gnawed at him like the jaws of a Mawile. “You’ve got to tell me, Ms. Opal. Just who are we about to see?”

She winked at him. “Someone who can’t resist the aroma of my cheri berry pie.”

That didn’t tell him anything. Bede found the old woman’s habit of withholding information maddening. A frustrated sigh slipped through his lips as he followed Opal through the tangle of moss, mushrooms, and the drooping branches of ancient trees.

“It was easier to crawl through here when I was a little girl,” Opal remarked. She opened up her umbrella to protect herself from the snagging, finger-like twigs above them. She had Bede hold the pie while she led the way through the dense undergrowth. Finally they stopped inside a ring of tiny yellow mushrooms. The tree before them was so large and old that moss hung down from the branches like a thick green curtain.

Opal folded up her umbrella and took the pie from Bede. “I have your favorite pie warm and ready for you,“ she called. “Come on out.”

All was silent and still for several moments. Bede could hear the blood pound through his ears. Then the curtain of moss rustled. A light-green shape darted from behind them. Bede’s eyes could barely track the winged, flitting blur before it stopped just in front of the pie Opal held out.

His jaw dropped. “Is that Celebi? That time-traveling Pokemon from the Johto region?”

Opal lowered the pie to the forest floor and grinned at him. “You know your Legendary Pokemon. Looks like you didn’t skip all your lessons at the orphanage.”

Bede’s cheeks warmed. “The only ones worth sitting through are the ones about Pokemon.” He shook his head in wonder. “Celebi...it really is real.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. He dared not raise it. If he did, he might just send the Pokemon flying back into hiding, he thought.

“Long time no see, Celebi,” Opal said fondly. “You still remember me, don’t you?” She pulled off the pink and black glove on her right hand. Bede noticed a large, jagged scar on her palm, and when she turned her hand over, the same scar appeared on the back of it. It was as if someone had stuck a knife straight through her hand. Celebi gently laid its small, light green hands over Opal’s right palm, then smiled at her with a soft affirmative “Bi.”

“I’m sorry that it’s been a while since I last paid you a visit,” she said. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Celebi touched its forehead against Opal’s and twirled in the air, perhaps to say that it didn’t mind and that it understood.

They watched Celebi eat the pie, then Opal glanced at Bede. “I need to teach you how to cook sometime. The quickest way to a Pokemon’s heart is through the stomach.” She looked back at the little green Pokemon. “You know, I’m lobbying for the scientific community to retype Celebi as a Fairy type.”

Bede raised his eyebrows at her. “How’s that going for you?”

She shrugged and turned up her palms. “Not making much traction, unfortunately. I’ve been trying for the past forty years. Those scientists can be a stubborn bunch, I tell you.” The corners of a smirk made small indents in her cheeks. “I did, however, manage to play a part in convincing other regions to retype many of their Normal types. Professor Magnolia and I collaborated on a thesis to present to the research community. Did you know that Galar was the first region to officially recognize Fairy types? It took a while for the rest of the world to catch on.”

Bede shook his head. “You sure are crazy about Fairy types, Ms. Opal.”

She merely grinned at his comment. “Not crazy. Passionate. You find that passion, something to live for, and that makes life worth living.”

Celebi finished the pie and wiped red stains from its mouth. Opal took the chance to address it again. “Celebi, this is Bede, who I’ve taken under my wing. He needs to understand why I chose him to be next Gym Leader of this town. It’s not an answer I can give shortly and easily. Celebi, darling, I have a big favor to ask you. Please help him understand by taking him back to the time of my youth.”

Celebi considered this for a moment, then smiled and nodded.

Bede took a step back. “W-wait. I’m going back in time? With Celebi? How long am I going to be traveling back?” Suddenly he wished he had spent that past week preparing for the journey ahead. If only that woman had let him know in advance! “Won’t I need to eat, drink, sleep, and...” His ears grew hot. “You know, use the loo?”

Opal waved a hand in dismissal. “Oh, don’t worry about all that. Celebi’s time-travel ability puts a peculiar effect on the human body, so that you leave and come back to find that barely a second had passed in the present day. You won’t be thinking about your usual bodily needs and functions. When Celebi takes you to another time, you’re not really there, in a sense. You’re there to observe only. You’ll have no physical presence and no power to alter the events you’ll see. Things would get quite hairy if that weren’t the case. Disrupts the continuum of time, creates paradoxes, and all that.”

Bede didn’t fully understand, but he nodded. “All right, then. And what about you, Ms. Opal? Are you coming with me?”

She shook her head. “There can’t be more than one self in the same era, which means that there can’t be young me and current me in the same time and place. I have to stay here in the present. So will your Pokemon. You won’t need them where you’ll be going. I’ll take care of them while you’re gone.”

Throughout his life, Bede had been alone and fending for himself. It had always been him against the world. Normally Bede wouldn’t trust his Pokemon with anyone, but he knew from his time with her that he could trust a seasoned and caring Trainer like Opal. He unhooked his belt of Poke balls and handed them over to her.

She hugged the belt to her chest, as if she understood the significance of his willingness and appreciated it. “You’ll be on your own, my boy, while you go see me seventy years ago. But don’t fret—Celebi is an excellent guide. You won’t get lost.”

Celebi danced a figure eight in the air and looked at Bede expectedly.

“It is ready to take you through time,” Opal said. “When it does this, take its hands and don’t let go.”

Bede stepped up to do as she told him. His fingers enveloped and closed over Celebi’s small hands. The time-traveling Pokemon from Johto tilted back its chin, closed its large eyes, and warm light emanated from its form. The light outshone the glowing mushrooms and sent ripples up the trees. Bede squeezed his fingers tighter around Celebi and shut his eyes, but that only made the insides of his eyelids go red.

Before the light engulfed everything, he caught Opal’s faint parting remarks. “Bede, my boy, you’ll find that you and I aren’t so different. You’ll understand what pink means. See you on the other side.”

Notes: Musical inspiration for this chapter was “Departing London” from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

When and how did Opal get the scar? Only time-traveling will tell!

I thought it’d be cute to have a naming pattern in Opal’s family, so everyone has a name ending in -al or -el, like Lionel, Randall and Kestrel.

[theway-itwas]

20200317

i write many notes about her. some people journal, and i write little tidbits of what i’m feeling when i’m feeling it, sort of as a log to keep track of what i’m feeling about her. 

it’s been two months, and then some. it still hurts, but it’s more a stinging feeling now. it’s different, not at all how i expected it to feel at this point in time. with everything going on i have felt and pondered many things, gone into the depths of myself and uncovered secrets about myself i never knew existed. it’s fulfilling to see myself reach a potential i didn’t know i could reach. 

i still think she’s going to come back, and i’m almost confident she will. this feeling, this intuitive gut knowing that she will return is hard to shake. it has to account for something, it’s not for nothing. there’s a reason the signs keep popping up, there’s a reason for everything, and i am starting to piece them together and understand exactly what it is i need to do. 

she pulls me back in right when i feel like it’s my time to walk away. like saturday night/sunday morning, when we watched parasite and facetimed until 5 in the morning out of the blue. all saturday i was crying over her, and that very night she messaged me. we had a fun conversation, then talked throughout the night. and then it was back to normal, back to reality. she stopped talking to me again. 

i doubt she understands just how much it meant to me. that night was great, it resurfaced a lot of feelings i’d pushed deep down, and it made me realize yet again that it’s still her. it’s going to be her for a while, and that i am confident that for her it will eventually be me too. it couldn’t mean nothing, it can’t mean nothing. i know in my soul that it meant something to her like it meant to me. 

and with that, i want to explain some of the things in my notes. i kind of just want to write, but didn’t know what to write independently, so i figured i’d go into detail for myself. 

“i remember staring at your eyes and memorizing the color because i didn’t want to forget.” inspired by my main tumblr, and encapsulating how it felt to look into her ‘boba ball’ eyes and never want to see anything else ever again. 

“la citta di smeraldo” the truth untold by bts. it made me think of how i was when we were ~together~, the story reminded me of myself. i hated myself then, i’m getting better now. 

“the nights i’ll grow not to remember, but you, i will never forget.” it’s the truth. the individual nights have started to fade, and soon enough they’ll all be forgotten memories. but her, she will always be a part of me. she will stay in my head forever. 

“i was desperately looking for happy songs to listen to when i realized that the playlist i made for you was filled with them. good news is, i can listen to it without crying. bad news is, every song is still about you.” that one speaks for itself. i wrote that before she unfollowed the playlist, which made it harder to listen to. but it remains true still. every song is about her, even if it hurts to daydream when i listen to them. 

“once i realized that i deserved better, and that i was capable of giving myself everything you could not, i was happier. that’s funny, isn’t it? how i’m happy and i am learning to love myself now that you’re out of the picture. things without you used to be so hard, now they’re getting easier day by day, and you’re just not that special anymore.” this one is funny because it was so incredibly short-lived. that was a great week, but i was trying to deny how i felt. i accept it now, and i allow myself to feel these things for her knowing it is for good reason and it will get better someday. 

“i don’t think you understand how much i need you, were you really just a waste of all those nights? i don’t think the stars aligned so i can’t have you, is the universe really that unkind?” song lyrics i wrote for sydney, but that i altered a bit to fit izzy. they fit so much more in this situation. 

“there’s not a song sad enough.” i revisit this one, mentally, a lot. when i first saw that she was talking to someone else, and that she confessed to them and it went well, this was my immediate reaction. no song was sad enough to match how i felt. i was destroyed. 

“everybody’s blind when the view’s amazing.” stay by post malone. i still love that song, and it’s true. rose colored glasses are a dangerous thing. 

“i don’t follows fighting for a lost cause, feels like even drifting we’re just off course” fomo by eden. the best song off of no future, and it was my simping song for a while. 

“she says i’m no good with my hands but i’d hold up the whole sky for her” 2020 by eden. again, lyrics that somehow explain what i could never. 

“i begged you to tell me to turn around, but all i heard was silence. maybe it was me who should’ve told you to turn around, but maybe neither of us was meant to. so, we continue with our backs to each other as if our paths hadn’t just crossed, as if our lives weren’t changed forever, yet not as if we’d never be the same without each other.” i wrote that one after watching portrait of a lady on fire. like call me by your name, the ending of that movie resonated differently with me, and i took the portrait concept and my own experience with her and mixed them together to write a little paragraph. 

“you could have told me to go to hell and, if that’s what you wanted, i would’ve done it without hesitation.” after rewatching faking it, a similar line that liam said was on my mind for many days. karma told him to go to hell, and he replied “fine, i’ll go to hell if that’s what you want” and it made me really think, that’s exactly how i feel about izzy. 

“distracting myself works for a while but i always end up here.” self explanatory. i was probably more upset than usual when i wrote that. 

“i think things should be easier from now on. thank you for giving me the closure i needed, and i hope the future is bright for both of us--individually and together.” i wrote that after she texted me about the tik tok i made about her and we talked things out. it’s funny because i really thought things would be easier. things got so much harder, and i was visibly upset the few days after that. that night kind of did nothing but make me want her more, especially after she’d said she thinks about me every day and basically said moving on was hard. the fact that she had to move on at all made me rethink everything i ever thought about her because that means it was real, and she forced herself to give it up. 

“it’s times like these when you remember just how temporary everything is.” just me reminiscing on november and december. 

“nothing has felt right since you left.” it’s true. things have felt off, like it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“being closer to you makes it worse. it’s still you, it will always be you, and for you it will never be me and that is the most frustrating reality that i can’t face.” we were talking quite a bit then, and i wasn’t confident in the thought that she would come back quite yet. 

“i may not be okay yet, but i’m closer than i was yesterday.” every day i get closer to being more okay, but healing is inconsistent, and sometimes things get harder again. 

“right when i think i’ve gotten far enough, you pull me back in again.” she probably texted me asking if i was okay again, as she often does. maybe it was when i asked her if she was okay. sometimes i think it’s just her excuse to talk to me. 

“i just want to relive those days over and over again. i want that feeling again, i want you and i’m desperately trying to show you that but you just don’t care and it’s killing me. everything changed when you left and i’m trying to figure myself out but it hurts having to do that without you. i don’t even know why i’m making such a big deal out of such a short time but i can’t help it and i feel pulled in two directions because i can’t decide whether to let you go or to hold onto hope because both paths seem equally as plausible and both are hurting me more than i can take. i feel weak and defeated. i feel like i have no control and that i have no choice but to sit here and do nothing as things fall apart. thanks to you, i am defeated.” it was true then, less so now. i feel like holding onto hope is way more plausible now, but i did feel defeated. 

“it doesn’t even feel anymore. it’s just nothing, waves of nothingness when i think of you.” i don’t even remember what exactly evoked this response but clearly i was upset. 

“i both don’t want to talk to you and only want to talk to you. it’s a mixture of pushing you away and pulling you in. every time i try to walk, something happens and it feels like i get pulled back. i just want to be free from you, free to be happy without you and be happy for you. please allow me to do that.” little did i know there was trouble in paradise. 

“i’ve never had a choice. everyone else has always chosen for me, you chose for me, i didn’t have a say in it. how is that fair?” i just felt so helpless and defeated. 

“yesterday i was crying over you and trying to forget about you. last night i was on facetime with you until 4:30 in the morning. you did it again, you pulled me back in.” self-explanatory. this time was different though, it cemented many things. 

“maybe you should set me free, maybe i don’t really want you to” this love by camila cabello. pretty much sums up every feeling i’ve had since january 5th. 

that’s it for the notes.

i am trying to forgive. i realized today that the universe, spirit is sending me the sign that i must forgive before i can get what i want. i can’t have her until i forgive her, really truly forgive her for leaving me. they sent me her knowing this was a lesson i had to learn. i can’t have what i want unless i forgive everyone, including myself. i need to forgive the world and love every aspect of it to finally prosper and get an abundance of what i want. i see that now. so, i will work on forgiveness. i will nurture my wounds. 

this will be my physical speaking of it. i am working on myself, doing healthy things and actually going through with it. every day i want to go on long walks, to sit and meditate at that table i found today. i want to be everything i have always wanted to be and i am doing things to help myself achieve that. 

the spirituality and intuition i am tapping into lately feels amazing. i understand the things around me, and i see the beauty in all things. i’ve gotten into tarot, astrology, meditation, manifestation, and all that good stuff lately. it feels good. i like growing into this new person. it feels like a new chapter, in all the best ways. 

rae, as in valkyrae, said it regarding her breakup with michael recently. “just because we aren’t in each other’s chapter nine doesn’t mean we can’t be in each other’s chapter fifteen”.

and with that, i think izzy and i need(ed) this time apart to work on ourselves. i think we both need to forgive, and we both need to grow in order to be perfect for each other. i think there is a deep soul connection, i think she might be my soulmate, and i see now the importance of spending time apart so we can fall back together. 

all is going to work out. everything is going to be okay. i see that now. 

[tinabritton-photography]

Clean White Final and Evaluation

This is my final digital ‘Clean White’. Many thanks to Aidan. Still to come - My final print of whom I have chosen one of the models that Julie organised for us. 

What was the project theme and what did you think of it?

The Clean White Project was straight forward. Capture a model/student against a clean white background. The aim was to have the background contain NO greys and have an even white surface. Since white in the RGB colour scale tops out at 255, we were told to aim for around 250.

Learning to create a clean white background was challenging and rewarding. Rewarding in the sense that, once you achieved the clean white, there was a sense of accomplishment.

What part of the project did you enjoy the most/found most interesting (making the photographs? Optimising images? printing?)

I have always enjoyed working with models and working with the other students is no different. I liked that, while working in groups, we got to know each other better. We also learned techniques from each other and learned to work together harmoniously.

Working with models is a rewarding experience. So yes, directing them, and taking unique images is the most rewarding part of this brief for me. The image of Aiden above was one of my best images. It is pin sharp. And this, as most of us all know, has been a challenge for me from the start of the course. I am more shaky than I used to be, and coupled with a new camera I wasn’t yet familiar with, made capturing sharp images almost impossible for me from the onset. This has been extremely frustrating.

What I also enjoyed was optimising the images.

What new techniques have you experienced?

Learning how to create a clean white background has been a new experience for me. While I have taken images against a white background before, I never needed to achieve the ‘perfect white’. In my own studio in America, I used continuous lighting to capture my portraits. So, learning how to use the light meters and the Flash studio lighting coupled with the white boards to create the clean white background was extremely satisfying. I had actually never used professional Flash, so that was a new experience for me as well.

I have been working with Photoshop, since almost its inception. I enjoy technology and learning new software. I was excited to learn more about Lightroom from Alex Reilly. While I had used it before, I had never used it to its capacity. We were taught how to use Lightroom to better convert our images to black and white while in Imaging class. From now on, I will be using Lightroom for all my conversions.

What technique would you like to develop further?

To be extremely honest, capturing a clean white on film. That is what I want to perfect. I took 3 rolls of film during our clean white project and still have yet to find one negative with a suitable amount of sharpness that I can print. I may have to revisit the studio to retake those images. This distresses me, as I feel quite behind at the moment.

Which photographers did you research throughout this project?

To prepare for the Clean White Brief, I researched such photographers as Albert Watson, Irving Penn, David Bailey, Platon Antoniou, and Flóra Borsi.

How have they influenced your photographs?

Through my research of other photographers, I have revisited some amazing images. In future I would like to pursue other techniques of capturing the clean white background. I have learned that each and every photographer has their own technique which works for them.

What is important to me is the art of capturing such an image. The striking eye contact in Aiden’s image above is something I like to achieve, however, I also like indirect eye contact in something more art inspired. Say for instance, Flóra Borsi’s artistic white background work.

One of my favourite images is of Alfred Hitchcock taken by Albert Watson in 1973. I would like to create images like this.

Another favourite of mine is Irving Penn’s image of Jean Patchett, 1949. These images are something to aspire to.

Which technique did you enjoy the most?

I enjoy working with the models the most. I feel at ease talking with them and want them to feel comfortable with me.

I enjoyed learning the technical aspects of attaining the clean white image. The set up information we received was invaluable.

I also enjoyed taking the digital image into Lightroom and Photoshop to utilise my digital skills to perfect the image.

What do you feel is the most successful part of your project and why?

Capturing Aiden’s digital image. As I said above, it is crisp and clean. His direct gaze captures the viewer. Learning how to capture the clean white portrait, and also, my skills in the digital darkroom, Photoshop and Lightroom.

Did you encounter any problems in your project?

At first, it was capturing a sharp image, then it became the darkroom. The darkroom used to be a haven for me - the ambient red glow, the magic that happens when the print is put into the developer. The whole process.

However, now that I am having difficulty capturing a sharp image on film, and the fact that the darkroom has a chaotic atmosphere when the entire class is present; these things for me, aren’t conducive in creating a viable print. I find that I become unfocused and almost confused due to the noise level and people bumping into each other.

I also did not realise there was a shorter enlarger desk in the darkroom. I have been having problems, not only turning on the power, but also being tall enough to use the focus finder to sharpen the grain of the negative. Every single test strip I have exposed has been blurry.

That being said, I have my own darkroom up and running now, and while it is quiet, and no one is telling me to get out of their way, I am realising that I cannot see the grain in the focus finder any longer. I am worried that the darkroom is no longer the haven for me it used to be, and that I will not be able to satisfy this portion of the brief.

How did you learn from them and how did they affect your final images?

Once I became aware of my difficulties in taking sharp images, I worked on that problem. I sit in a chair while taking photos, or use a tripod. Period. This helped me to capture sharp images, in not only studio, but in Location class as well during the Qualities of Light brief.

As far as the darkroom is concerned, I have yet to use the shorter enlarger desk, and will do so this coming week. If I do not have any viable negatives, I will hopefully reshoot my clean white film on the Fridays provided. I will revisit this evaluation once I am able to capture a usable negative and have printed it.

What would you do differently given the chance to complete the project again?

Setting up for a clean white is a technique.

- I would explore different techniques until I found one that worked for me every single time. That being said, I was able to capture a good image of Aiden, but what I mean is, adapt the technique for myself.

- I would take care to remember what I learned the first time around, about myself. That I need the tripod, or a chair.

- That I need to direct the model so that I do not take the wrong perspective and take ‘under the nose shots’.

- Take my time. I tend to rush about due to my bipolar. When I am excited about a brief, I can be so driven, I forget to enjoy the process as well.

Discuss any technical issues with your final images? (Focus, sharpness, exposure, highlight/shadow detail)

As I have touched on above, most of my technical issues have been my focus. I have also had issues with my perspective, taking images, due my height, and not asking the model to crouch/make themselves shorter. The ‘under the nose shots’ are usually unattractive and do nothing for the model. So for me, Focus, Focus, Focus.

Also, I would pay attention to my exposure, which was my 2nd challenge during the Clean White brief. What I mean by that is, on my subject. I was finding that I was over exposing my subject, paricularly the actors that Julie arranged for us.

If you were asked to do a project using this technique what would you do ? What ideas do you have ? This may be explained as a visual, a drawing, sketch, photograph.. you decide how you present this section 

This was one of the best images I took other than Aiden’s above. This model had a unique look. I feel I captured him well, however, the sharpness is not there, though the model is extremely happy with the images he received, I could not use them for my finals. Again, always insure you have the best possible focus. Failure to do so destroys an otherwise awesome image.

This model was a pleasure to work with. The problem, I was much shorter than she was, and because of my excitement, I did not insure that she was in proper perspective while capturing her images. She was wearing white make-up which was problematic for me, and I was over exposing her. Notice, the only sharp area here is her sweater. I was having focus issues with my camera, and I was not working the problem.

Another image of the same model. It rocked, but the only sharp area was her right eye, and, she is terribly over exposed. My solution. Slow down. Be mindful of exposure. Use the light metre every time you make any type of adjustment, and CHECK images often in download room or on tethered laptop.

This is how to set up a clean white studio. I used the boards to contain the light and to control possible spill. This also puts distance between the model and the background, which is very important in clean white images.

Below, on the floor, you can see the directionality of the light spill. I stand my model in front of that area.

Lights should be positioned at 45 degree angles toward the backdrop. I realise this can be done with 2 lights, but I believe 4 would be better. Two above, two below. That way the backdrop is lit evenly and lowers the chance of vignetting. Because of the size of our class and the studio, this is impossible.

I will always metre my background to insure even lighting and to get accurate readings. Thank you Alex Reilly.

Setting up the key lighting and metering with test subject is the next important step. The background lighting should be around one stop brighter that the key light for the subject.

The model is the most important person in the room as far as I am concerned.

Putting the model at ease, I feel, is my most important job. If he or she is not completely comfortable, the image will be stiff and unnatural.

[playunderground]

Revisiting Journey and Abzu, I Found Myself More Depressed About Our World’s Future

This is from the September edition of Play Underground’s monthly digest. In that edition, we focused on walking simulators! This edition is available for our patrons starting at $5 a month. If you aren’t a patron, $6 via Ko-fi will get you a copy.

If you like what you see here, please consider becoming a patron! Thanks for reading! ❤️- PUG! editors

As the days go by, it’s become easier and easier to lose hope. I don’t want to sound like a fatalist, but it’s true. Scientists say that climate change will be irreversible in 11 years. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it seems that human civilization will crumble by 2050. Every day the world seems to be shrieking in anguish. It has become harder and harder to ignore her cries, or to know how to help. 

It’s also become more common in my present day to revisit old pieces of art and media only to find that their exaggerated, absurd, or apocalyptic scenarios are simply regular, everyday life for us now in these turbulent times. My most recent experience of this was when I revisited 2 of my favorite games, Journey and Abzu. As I returned to these games with the intent of figuring out what I wanted to write about, I found myself often struck by the distinct scenarios one finds themself in when playing these games, and how much they feel like premonitions.

Journey and Abzu were released in 2012 and 2016, respectively. While neither are old games by any means, they both were released just before the moment we are currently in where we all collectively feel that nothing could possibly get worse, and then it does. Climate change has been talked about for decades now, but the painting of an apocalyptic future scientists have warned us about has been getting less and less impressionistic since 2016. Both of these games were developed and out in the world well before this moment of maximum capacity. The conversation these games have with our current culture should theoretically be over, yet upon revisiting them, I found a representation more accurate than ever before. 

Let me begin with Journey, the older sibling of the two, a game praised for its music, emotional impact, and finding power in simplicity. In this game, a player controls a robed figure in a massive desert, with the goal of traveling towards a mountain in the distance. As you travel through the desert, you find relics from a once thriving civilization. Art covers the walls of ancient buildings that depict the rise and fall of the civilization that your character belongs to, which also parallels the journey of the character. The main enemies of the game that you must avoid are massive flying automatons that are left over from a war that ended the civilization.

As I finished yet another playthrough of the game, I found myself once again moved to tears. This time however, it was for very different reasons. I could not have predicted before booting up this game again in 2019 that I would be hit with such an impact upon realizing just how much this game is a potential self portrait of humanity’s future. The desert setting certainly isn’t far off from what a world ravaged by climate catastrophe might look like. What hit home for me the most was the fact that the automatons are the last thing remaining in this world after ending the civilization. The idea of military technology being our downfall doesn’t seem so fictional when the United States military is Earth’s biggest polluter. After feeling emotionally ruined in my playthrough, I went on to replay Abzu, and then fell into another emotional sinkhole. I did not know that the rug could be pulled out from under me again. 

The game Abzu follows the journey of a female diver in a vast ocean. As you play the game, you explore various underwater environments, interact with sea life, and reanimate the ocean using magical springs. The story and design of the game take inspiration from Sumerian mythology and Middle Eastern culture. In the game, there are pyramid shaped devices that are harvesting energy from the ocean. It is clear that these devices are what are upsetting the ecosystem and are what caused the destruction of this game’s civilization. As you progress through the game, it is revealed that the diver is a mechanical being whose existence actually comes from the pyramid like structures that are destroying the ocean. The diver ends up teaming up with a great white shark to bring life back to the oceans, and revitalizes the world. 

While the water based setting of Abzu is in stark contrast to the desert of Journey, they both seem equally accurate as potential apocalyptic futures. As the temperatures rise and the ice caps melt, it seems like we will all be living underwater very soon. Once again like in Journey, the downfall of Abzu’s civilization is due to the machinery that was created. All that’s left of the cultures in both games are the evil machines they fashioned, mindlessly continuing the uncaring and violent mechanisms they were made for. 

None of this sounds hopeful, but reality never seems to be either. I do think however it would be a disservice to both of these beautiful games if I tried to argue that the main message at their cores was pessimism towards our future. Both of these games, while dystopian in nature, carry the seeds of hope within them. Journey and Abzu are both stories of sacrifice and perseverance. In Journey, you are on an emotional ride that borders on religious experience. Your character is willing to sacrifice their life for their people, their mission, and their beliefs. One of the major points of gameplay in Journey is that you can play with another player online anonymously. While this may seem like a random or inconsequential gimmick, it actually adds a comforting reality to the story: you are not alone. You are not the last of your people. There are others, and you can help one another to bring about a better future for the both of you. Your existence in the game brings a beautiful red color back to cloth based beings that help you progress through your journey as you interact with them. There is still a future and each being in the game can help you towards a good one, anonymous or not. While all of us may feel powerless in the current state of the world, none of us have to suffer in it by ourselves. By the time you reach that mountain, you are no longer the person you once were. You and your character have been reborn, for the better. 

While Journey focuses mostly on what is needed for an individual, Abzu is a great companion in that the center is much more about the collective and the environment. The sacrifice your character makes in Abzu is for the greater good of the world itself. After the diver realizes that they themselves are a member of the very civilization that is responsible for the destruction of the ocean, they forego their connection to that history for the sake of a better collective future. Your character acknowledges their sins, and decides to make right with the world rather than continue down the path history laid out for them. There is a beautiful twist that occurs as you progress through the game. At first, it seems that the great white shark is one of your major enemies. You quickly realize however that the machinery you are a part of is the actual enemy, while the shark and the other natural creatures of the ocean are your true allies and friends. As you finish the game and the credits roll, you can control the diver in a pristine and beautiful ocean while swimming alongside the great white shark. The cycle of violence is broken, and the ocean is clean and teeming with life once again. I wanted to weep at the thought of a future like that, a world without something like the Great Pacific garbage patch. 

It is clear to me now that the future of our planet depends on our willingness to forego everything we once knew. In both Journey and Abzu, a hopeful and utopian future only came after the destruction of a flawed present, and the depressing period thereafter. The downfall of entire civilizations in these games also meant the ending of the violent systems that had been pushing towards calamity. We must be willing to acknowledge our wrongdoings, both as individuals and as a collective. The characters you play as are all fundamentally changed by the end of the story in these 2 games. We will all have to make sacrifices, whether they be personal, political, technological, or otherwise, and learn from our past and the cultures within it. Much of the inspiration for Journey and Abzu come from non-white, non-western, and indigenous cultures, whose practices and histories are inextricable from environmental justice and liberation. War and colonialism are massive factors of climate catastrophe both in these games and in real life. 

It appears to me now that we must all go on our respective journeys, to find ourselves and what our relationship to the world and one another must be. None of us will be able to come out of it clean, for none of us live in a world that is. The end of human civilization as we currently know it might just be the only option ahead of us. Perhaps though, there is a much needed future in collapse, and glory in rebirth. I pray that we all find it, if not for our own sake then for the world that comes after we are all gone. 

[ruminativerabbi]

The End of Privacy

I have been revised! The news came just the other day in an email from ancestry.com informing me that my DNA profile has been revised in light of serious amounts of new data that they have recently processed and which now allow them to refine my ancestral portrait based on the DNA sample I sent them last spring. And now for the results: instead of being of 96% European Ashkenazic heritage, 2% Sephardic, 1% South-East Asian (a true mystery) and 1% of indistinct origin (whatever that meant exactly), my DNA profile has now been revised to yield the completely un-startling result that, genetically speaking (as well as by disposition, worldview, and appearance), I am of 100% Ashkenazic/European origin. Was I surprised? Not very! And yet…I had come to like the idea of having some weirdly inexplicable Sri Lankan blood in me somewhere, something that, at the very least, could have turned into a good short story. I suppose I’ll get over it. I might as well! 

Joan took the test too and received similarly expected results. I suppose most people do. But, of course, not all do. I wrote to you last year about the remarkable way that a woman from Chicago discovered that her (apparently) 100% Irish Catholic father turned out to have started out in life as a 100% Jewish baby boy who was sent home with the wrong set of parents and whose real parents (i.e., the woman who gave birth to him and his biological father) took whom the (actually) Irish Catholic baby who grew up to be a Jewish man from the Bronx and the patriarch of a large, complicated Jewish family. (If you find that confusing, you can revisit that letter by clicking here.) There, I mused aloud about the malleable boundaries of identity, about what it means to be who we are—and what that means with respect to the ultimate definition of Jewishness or, for that matter, any kind of identity deemed to inhere in an individual at birth. To my great surprise, I actually received an email from the woman with the Jewish Irish Catholic father in response to what I wrote about her case and I was very gratified indeed by her very generous appraisal of what I had to say about her situation and her father’s.

You have to be a serious genealogist to take advantage of most of what these online DNA sites offer. When I visit the ancestry.com website, for example, I can see the names of more than a dozen people whom the site says are “almost definitely” my fourth or fifth cousins. (Fifth cousins are people, one of whose thirty-two great-great-great-grandparents was a sibling of one of the other person’s thirty-two great-great-great-grandparents.) I’ll have to upgrade my membership if I want actually to contact any of them, but I haven’t taken that step. Nor do I think I will in the future. (In all fairness, they’ve also dangled the names of two second cousins to see if I’ll take the bait. So far, I’ve resisted.) But it turns out that there is a lot more to all of this than learning the names of theoretical cousins possibly descended from theoretical siblings who lived in the eighteenth century.

One of the side developments of all this DNA testing is the discovery some men have made, not of distant cousins, but of children inadvertently fathered somewhere along the way and in any number of different ways. (This phenomenon, which will only become more common in the coming years, has touched one family in our congregation and it has touched my own family as well. Those two stories were different in detail, but identical in terms of result…and, although both appear to be having happy endings, it feels unlikely that there are not out there people whose entire lives have been or will be turned upside down by this kind of unanticipated revelation.) Another has to do with the forensic use of these data banks to solve crimes long consigned to the “cold case” bin and only now becoming solvable in the wake of the proliferation of these online DNA banks.  You may recall reading about the arrest of the man police accuse of being the so-called “Golden State Killer,” a violent criminal considered likely to be responsible for fifty rapes and a dozen murders committed between 1976 and 1986 whose identity was only revealed to the authorities after they uploaded DNA taken from the crime scenes to a site called GETmatch.com. (To read more about that specific case, click here. Making that specific case more interesting is the fact that although the suspect did not personally offer his DNA to any of the online testing sites, a few of his relatives did…and matching the crime-scene DNA to their profiles led to the arrest of the sole individual to whom they were all related.)

But the specific issue I want to write about this week has to do neither with the discovery of unknown offspring nor the solution of cold-case crimes. Instead, I’d like to write about an issue that feels as though it has the potential to dwarf both those issues in terms of the impact it could conceivably have on society.

To date, about fifteen million people have consciously and intentionally sent in samples of their DNA for analysis to sites like 23andme.com or ancestry.com. Another couple of million have signed up at a few less well-known sites. We are, therefore, talking about far less than 10% of American citizens, but the implications of this phenomenon are far greater than the numbers suggest. Just this week, a study co-written by Yaniv Erlich, Tal Shor, Itsik Pe’er, and Shai Carmi was published in the journal Science that suggested just how important this whole phenomenon is…and how it will soon affect the lives of millions of people who themselves have not sent in their DNA for analysis.

To date, about sixty percent of Americans of North European descent—Brits, Germans, Poles, Danes, Swedes, etc.—can be identified through these databases regardless of whether they have personally sent in their DNA for analysis. And that number is only the beginning: within two or three years, the authors of the Science essay imagine that a full ninety percent of Americans whose families originate in northern Europe will be identifiable through their DNA even if they themselves have not personally contributed any DNA sample.

To me, that sounded unbelievable. It’s one thing, after all, for my ancestry.com page to say that mitchKK (whoever he is) and I are “highly likely” to be second cousins. (I think we probably are cousins, by the way—the 2nd K matches the odd way my great-grandparents spelled their last name so I’m guessing one of his grandfathers must have been one of my grandmother’s brothers.) But that only sounds plausible because we both contributed samples of our DNA and so opened ourselves up to being identified as each other’s relative. But how could this possibly work with people who specifically have not contributed their DNA? That’s what I set myself to trying to figure out.

I’m not sure I understand the Science article entirely correctly. (To try for yourself, click here.) But as far as I can understand, the whole thing has to do with third cousins because, it turns out, the way the tests work is precisely to identify people whose DNA samples match closely enough for them to be third cousins, i.e., the great-grandchildren of siblings. Most of us apparently have about 800 people in the world whose DNA matches ours to that extent. And if just one of those people is in the data base, then someone who truly knows what he or she is doing can extrapolate information based on other public records to find a trail to a sought-after individual even if that person has not personally contributed DNA of his or her own.  This does not bode well for people who value their privacy.

The authors of the Science article chose thirty DNA test results at random from the GEDmatch database and then, by analyzing that data and using public information available to all, they were able to identify third cousins of about 60% the people whose DNA they had selected for study. (GEDmatch, with only a million customers, is significantly smaller than its competitors but was amenable to allowing the experiment to proceed.). In an article describing the experiment published in the New York Times this week (click here), Heather Murphy quoted Yaniv Erlich, one of the authors of the Science article, as saying that, “to identify an individual of any ancestry background, all that is needed is a database containing two percent of the target population.” That stopped me in my tracks.  

Is that really possible? Graham Coop, a genetics professor at the University of California Davis who is cited in the Times article, thinks so and is quoted as saying that “society is not far from being able to identify 90 percent of people through the DNA of their cousins in genealogical databases.” In my opinion, anyone who doesn’t find that both startling and seriously unsettling probably hasn’t thought the matter through carefully enough!

I’ve been sensitive for a long time to the slow erosion of personal privacy in our American culture. For most of us, that thought conjures up almost funny images of some drone at the NSA poring over trillions of emails that could not possibly be of interest to anyone other than the person to whom they were sent. But the thought that society seems to be blundering almost unawares into a future in which personal privacy is a thing of the past and the fullness of an individual’s genetic heritage is suddenly a matter of public record regardless of whether that individual has or hasn’t chosen to become part the digital quarry from which amateurs like myself presumed such data could only be mined—that seems to me to be far beyond something reasonably referenced as a quirky innovation of the digital age. The right to personal privacy in life—to live free without the oversight of others and without their interference—is one of the fundamental privileges of citizens in a democracy. That we appear to be on the verge of losing control over that foundational right is just another sign of just how out of control things are as we barrel into the future only vaguely aware of what we ourselves have wrought.

[ewh111]

Annual List of Favorite Film Experiences: The 2020 Pandemic Version

Happy new year! So happy to finally arrive at 2021! All the best for a much better new year!!

What a year it was. Since March 12, I've spent 98% of my time within the confines of my condo. The good thing is that as a natural introvert, I have not yet gone stir crazy. I get plenty of social interaction via Zoom. And as a type-2 diabetic, I have been especially careful, staying at home, going out only for essential work or errands, like groceries. I'm grateful that my extended family connected more through the pandemic via weekly 90 minute Zoom family check-ins.

After just two months of work from home, I surpassed the longest time I hadn't been on a plane in over 15 years. (In 2019, I took 42 flights--15 of them international; in 2020, just eight, all prior to the first week of Feb.) As someone who typically travels a lot for work, it's strange to be so stationary. But I'm not complaining. Without the daily commute, travel, and regular schedule of evening and weekend events, I've quietly appreciated the ability to get more sleep, find time to exercise, and even lose some weight. As I reflect upon the past year, I choose to look at the silver-lining and see this period as a positive, massive macro re-balancing of my life.

When things do get back to some semblance of normalcy, the ones who will have the most difficulty adjusting will be these two girls, Freddy and Maxie, who have been so spoiled with attention over the past 10 months.

Now onto this year's favorite film experiences.

What a strange year for film. The last time I experienced a communal movie-going experience was at the Sundance Film Festival back in January. Since 2020 will be remembered as the year of an uber-significant election and home confinement, it seems appropriate to begin this year's conversation with these two themes: democracy and geography, aka places we couldn't travel to.

LESSONS IN DEMOCRACY

Boys State

One of most riveting experiences is my favorite film from the 2020 Sundance Film Festival. This documentary follows four participants in the Texas edition of the week-long Boys State program. The filmmakers lucked out by selecting four boys whose journeys turned out to have fascinating dramatic arcs during the week. What unfolds is a totally engaging microcosm of the political dynamics in the rising generation of voters in America. Trailer: https://youtu.be/E1Kh_T5ZBIM

Hamilton

What a delightful escape from confinement and inability to see live theater by revisiting the stage musical phenomenon via the viewpoints of multi-cameras. It was a new way to appreciate the words, the music, the choreography, and staging of this remarkable work about Alexander Hamilton and his fellow founding fathers. Trailer: https://youtu.be/6s9sNvkjpI0

What the Constitution Means to Me

Missing live theater? Here's another gem to take in. Fast-paced, funny, deeply personal, and defiant, playwright Heidi Schreck plays herself in a mostly one-person show, revisiting her days as a teenager debating the meaning of the Constitution in dingy American Legion halls, linking her personal family history to our country's founding document. Trailer: https://youtu.be/P2zSRdVanDY

Crip Camp

Incredibly inspiring and engaging documentary about Camp Jened, a Catskills summer camp for teens with disabilities in the 1960s and 70s, which prepared many members to become leaders in the movement that eventually led to the passage of the ADA. An important piece of lesser known history and fight for social change and equity. Trailer: https://youtu.be/XRrIs22plz0

TRAVELING WITHOUT LEAVING THE COUCH

My Octopus Teacher (South Africa)

A truly meditative and surprisingly moving documentary. In a kelp forest off the coast of South Africa, a noted underwater photographer documents his, dare I say "friendship," with an octopus whom he visits every day over the course of a year. Trailer: https://youtu.be/b-lbIJHlmbE

76 Days (China)

New York-based filmmaker Hao Wu worked with two journalists in China who recorded harrowing, fly-on-the-wall footage inside four Wuhan hospitals at the epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak, a clearly risky endeavor unsanctioned by the Chinese government. While this may seem unappealing to watch as we still struggle with the crisis, this apolitical, humanizing, compassionate, and ultimately uplifting film documents and honors the courageous doctors and nurses and their relationships with patients and family members grappling with the unfolding crisis over the course of the full 76 day lock-down in Wuhan. Trailer: https://youtu.be/x_f6-jhbsR4

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan)

The highest ever grossing LGBTQ film in Taiwan, as well as its most popular domestic film in 2020, this is a sensitive, poignant, slow-burn story of coming out and first love in an all-boys Catholic school in a still socially-repressive Taiwan immediately after the lifting of martial law in 1987. Trailer: https://youtu.be/mzfVBg54BGw

A Sun (Taiwan, again)

Driven driving instructor father + marginalized night-club hairstylist mother + high achieving, golden child # 1 son + disowned black sheep younger son serving time in juvenile prison = unhappy family. This multiple winner of Taiwan's version of the Oscar, A Sun is an intricate, engaging, character-driven family drama full of disappointment, redemption-seeking, and tragic setbacks, but uplifting in the end. Trailer: https://youtu.be/LBogLcE2wNQ

Gunda (Norway)

An unusual viewing experience, I did not expect to be so drawn in and highly moved by this intimate, up-close and personal barnyard portrait. A totally mesmerizing and beautifully filmed, black and white, wordless and scoreless documentary (only ambient farm sounds with no humans in sight)--just a sow named Gunda and her piglets with interludes by a one-legged rooster and herd of cows. And yes, there's a subtle message. Trailer: https://youtu.be/05Gc2lANyTQ

The Painter and the Thief (Norway, again)

An intriguing and fascinating documentary about the strange and complicated story of a female Czech artist, whose two most important paintings are stolen from an Oslo art gallery in broad daylight, and the thief who turns out to be an addiction-addled male nurse who she unexpectedly befriends during the trial. Trailer: https://youtu.be/LKBiKDZSf_c

Mucho Mucho Amor (Puerto Rico)

The story of the iconic fortune-teller with millions of followers in the Spanish-speaking world: the bedazzled and caped, effervescently flamboyant, gender non-confirming, Puerto Rican television astrologer Walter Mercado. Disappearing from the airwaves without a trace in 2007 after decades of daily uplifting telecasts, no one knew what happened or where he had gone. Until these filmmakers tracked him down. Here, they tell his story in this loving portrait of the legend, in time to participate in an exhibition dedicated to his 50 year career at a Miami museum before his death last year. Trailer: https://youtu.be/XEJqiucxyrs

Welcome to Chechnya (Russia)

A gut-wrenching and chilling documentary about courageous activists who help LGBTQ individuals flee the repressive regime of Chechnya where violent, homophobic beatings and executions play out regularly and whose leader denies the existence of gay people in his republic. The doc plays like a menacing thriller with the filmmaker going to great lengths to protect the identities using elaborate digital facial disguises. Trailer: https://youtu.be/GlKkj_aHMXk

Tenet (Russia, the Amalfi Coast, Oslo, the future, and the past, among other places)

This is not an easy film to like. One of the most anticipated on my list of "must sees," but the pandemic delayed my viewing till its recent VOD release. Was it worth the wait? Well, it was almost incomprehensible for the first third. But it is here because I'm still thinking about it long after watching and is high on my list to rewatch. To enjoy on first viewing, you should stop trying to figure it out and just let it wash over you and enjoy the ride--it will eventually make (some) sense. Despite all its complexities, Christopher Nolan's ambitious concept boils down to a simple plot: rich Russian bad guy (Kenneth Branagh) wants to end the world and an unnamed secret agent-type guy known only as the Protagonist (John David Washington) tries to stop him. Oh, and there's reverse entropy. And inverted time. And yeah, there are spectacular scenes with time moving forward and backwards at the same time. Like its title, the film is one giant palindrome. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AZGcmvrTX9M

Apollo 11 (Space)

Watching this documentary is like witnessing Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, and Buzz Aldrin's mission unfold before your eyes live, in real time. Put together from previously unreleased, stunningly crisp, and beautiful archival footage and communications audio from NASA, this is a breathtaking experience that captures the awe of the achievement without talking heads or commentary. Trailer: https://youtu.be/tpLrp0SW8yg

HOW TO DEAL WITH DEATH

Soul

This time out, Pixar tackles existential questions, like what it means to be alive and what is the "before life" in this metaphysically jazzy and terrifically "soulful" film featuring a predominantly Black cast. Trailer: https://youtu.be/xOsLIiBStEs

Dick Johnson is Dead

One would not expect a filmmaker's decision to document her father's descent into old age and dementia to be such an enjoyable and amusing ride. The result is a uniquely comic and bittersweet approach on how to handle his mortality, including envisioning and staging various ways he might accidentally hasten death. Her inspired choice to embrace the time left with her father in this way is endearing and touching without being sentimental. (And the director happens to be a college classmate: Kirsten Johnson, Brown '87.) Trailer: https://youtu.be/wfTmT6C5DnM

AND THREE MORE

Mank

David Fincher masterfully tells the tale of Herman Mankiewicz, the writer of Citizen Kane. Part social history, part examination of the underbelly of Hollywood's Golden Age, part homage to Orson Welles and Citizen Kane, the film is beautifully and evocatively shot in lush black and white with standout performances by Gary Oldman as Mank, Amanda Seyfried as Marion Davies, and a screenplay by Fincher's late father, Jack. Trailer: https://youtu.be/aSfX-nrg-lI

David Byrne's American Utopia

An exhilarating and spirited concert film by Spike Lee who beautifully captures the exuberant grey-suited, bare-footed David Byrne and his similarly wardrobed bandmates on a minimalist stage--a perfect remedy for home-confined and connection-starved human beings during these unusual times. The Byrne-Lee pairing perfectly "makes sense" as you take in the penultimate number, a cover of Janelle Monáe’s "Hell You Talmbout." Trailer: https://youtu.be/lg4hcgtjDPc

Sound of Metal

A character study of self-discovery and emotional truths, Riz Ahmed gives a riveting performance as a heavy metal rock drummer who suddenly loses his hearing. The immersive experience is enhanced with the film's amazing sound design. Trailer: https://youtu.be/VFOrGkAvjAE

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (perhaps the film most representative of the craziness of 2020), Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (great performances by Viola Davis and Chadwick Boseman), The Personal History of David Copperfield, Da 5 Bloods, The Way I See It, The Invisible Man, Trial of the Chicago 7, I Lost My Body, The Life Ahead, Wolfwalkers, The Bee Gees: How Do You Mend A Broken Heart. 

In the Queue

Minari, Nomadland, Bacurau, Small Axe, Beanpole, The Forty Year Old Version. 

2020: THE YEAR OF NON-STOP STREAMING

Honestly, given the lack of traditional theatrical releases, I did spend an inordinate amount of time streaming shows than I normally would. It has made me wonder about the challenges of narrative storytelling in the 90-120 minute format vs. the longer episodic format which is so much more conducive to storytelling and character development.

MY TOP 30-SOME FAVORITE PANDEMIC STREAMING EXPERIENCES 

In descending order of bingey-ness--is that a word?--i.e., inability to stop watching episode after episode. (And occasional commentary...)

Dark (Netflix)--I gave this German series a special shout-out last year (Twin Peaks + Stranger Things + The Wire + time travel), and season 3 finally arrived this summer. So good, I devoured it twice in one week. Complex, mind-bending, and addictively dense storytelling with time travel that makes sense (Tenet, take note) and super satisfying series finish. Ultimately unraveling the intertwined family tree of all the time-traveling characters will make your head spin for days. 

Money Heist (Netflix)--I needed something to replace my addictive need after Dark, and four seasons of this Spanish heist/thriller fit the bill perfectly. Plus, I think the series is rich in lessons on organizational behavior and leadership development/dynamics. Dissertation, anyone?

The Umbrella Academy (Netflix)--Not a genre I typically find appealing (superheroes), but I loved the combination of family dysfunction, sibling rivalry, humor, and more time travel. After finishing the two seasons, I really missed the characters and can't wait for next season. And as a JFK assassination buff, I loved that season 2 took place in Dallas,1963.

The Queen's Gambit (Netflix)--Girl survives car crash in which mom dies, grows up to be charming woman who is addicted to alcohol and does chess.

The Flight Attendant (HBO Max)--Girl survives car crash in which dad dies, grows up to be charming woman who is addicted to alcohol and serves first class. But not anything like The Queen's Gambit.

The Great* (Hulu)--Wickedly dark comedic period piece (Catherine the Great's 18th century Russia) with colorblind casting where scheming powerful people plot to get out of loveless marriage.

Bridgerton (Netflix)--A light romantic period piece (Regent era England) with colorblind casting where scheming powerful people and debutantes try to get into marriage and maybe find love.

Tiger King (Netflix)

The Crown (Netflix)

Sex Education (Netflix)

The Last Dance (Netflix)

Better Call Saul (Netflix)

Never Have I Ever (Netflix)--Best narrator ever!

Ozark (Netflix)

Watchmen (HBO Max)

Ugly Delicious 2 (Netflix)--David Chang is back with interesting take on food and culture. The classism of steak-eating?

Flavorful Origins (Netflix)

The Great British Baking Show Season 11 (Netflix)

Pen15 (Hulu)

Mrs. America (Hulu)

The Good Place (Netflix)

Ted Lasso (Apple TV)

Alex Rider (Prime)

Love, Victor (Hulu)

Giri/Haji (Netflix)

Ratched (Netflix)

The Undoing (HBO Max)

Lovecraft Country (HBO Max)

Zerozerozero (Prime)

Industry (HBO Max)

The Boys (Prime)

What We Do In the Shadows (Hulu)

We Are Who We Are (HBO Max)

Pose (Netflix)

Normal People (Hulu)

Indian Matchmaking (Netflix)

Middleditch & Schwartz (Netflix)

Schitts Creek (Netflix)--Don't be put off by this comic treasure being so low on the binge scale. The series gets better with each season, and I'm slowly watching it because I know the end is coming, and I don't want it to end.

[jessbrownfad-blog]

Life Drawing - 4/11/17

Today we used mid-tone paper and had to use white chalk and charcoal to add light and shade, with a really bright light heightening the contrast. I’m still finding it difficult not to draw with lines, but I think the blocking out of the first image is a lot looser than I would normally have done in the past, so I’m counting it as progress. I spent most of this drawing squinting my eyes to help me avoid lines and I think it worked well, but I’d like to not have to reply on that method in the future! I’m pretty happy with how I used the paper colour in this drawing, and I tried to carry that through to the next images.

With this next image, I’m a bit disappointed. The of the lights pointing at the model, there was this really sharp shadow created by the her breast, and I spent a lot of time trying to record that but I’m not happy with the outcome. Next time I need to spend more time mapping out basic proportions - the shadow may have looked a bit better if the shoulder was the right size. I also spent a few moments deciding whether I wanted to draw all of the model or focus on a snapshot, and I’m happy with my decision to do the latter. One thing Neil mentioned when he saw it was that the background was initially too dark - I lightened it with the rubber and like the hazy effect, but I know that the light/dark contrast in this drawing isn’t quite right. 

Our final task was to paint with black and white acrylic and a flat piece of plastic/card. I thought this would make the colour blocking process a lot easier - it’s much quicker to lay down light and shade with a brush and paint than it is to scribble down shade, and I thought that having more time to add in detail would make the recording process easier. Unfortunately, I didn’t find this using thick paint and card. I found it hard to create a balance between thick paint (which I like the texture of) and layering to get the shade/light spots right. Next time I use paint I want to use pencil to map out the proportions first, as I got really muddled with this in this painting. One thing I’ve noticed that I like looking back is the scraped boob lines - the placement is wrong but it adds a quirky juxtaposition to the rest of the image, and compliments the patterns I used in the background.

Even though the painting wasn’t easy to make, I do like it now I’ve had a break from it. This style reminds me of Leon Kossoff’s black and white portraits, and it might be useful to revisit his work if I did more paintings in this style later in the course. I really like the patterns in the background of my picture, so I could experiment with using those, too. 

[mylifeincinema]

My Best of 2016: My Top 10 Films!

It seems each year is getting weaker and weaker in terms of overall quality of films. As I have stated in past years (I think?)... this final list is far more personal than my other lists. When looking at films for this one, I don’t only take straight-up quality into consideration, but also (to a great extent) how re-watchable they are and how well I connected with them on a personal level. (I’m starting to think I’ve never gone over this before...) So at the end of the day, this isn’t a ‘Best of’ list, nor is a ‘Favorites’ list... it’s a sort of hybrid that I think helps capture me better than either of those on their own ever could.

Is your favorite missing? CLICK HERE to see if it made my cut of 25. Not there either? CLICK HERE to see if, perhaps, I missed it entirely. (Note: I’ll save you the time...  I did see Moonlight. No, it did not make my Top 10... or 25. I would apologize, but I’m not sorry.)

Anyway, here are some Honorable Mentions... Dan Trachtenberg’s 10 Cloverfield Lane; Luca Guadagnino’s A Bigger Splash; David Mackenzie’s Hell or High Water; Travis Knight’s Kubo and the Two Strings; Jeff Nichols’ Midnight Special; Kelly Fremon Craig’s The Edge of Seventeen.

And now... finally...

My Top 10 Films of 2016!!

10. Martin Scorsese’s Silence

Between last year and this one, the number ten slot seems to be reserved for the late addition; the one that, in the near future, could find itself either up near the top of the list, or nowhere near the list at all (which was the case with last year’s number ten, Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight).

With Scorsese’s exploration of faith, however, I can fully see it falling somewhere in my top five in the coming years when I revisit this list. I haven’t really stopped thinking about Silence since seeing it, and despite a horribly slow second act, all of the themes explored have taken their toll on me spiritually. If any film could make me go back to church, it’s probably this one.

9. Shane Black’s The Nice Guys

This film just missed my top five at the end of June when I compiled my “Half-way There” list. After a few more viewings, it climbed up the ladder, knocking even my number one at the time completely out of the top ten. I’ve always been a fan of Black’s, and while the plot here is occasionally iffy, the characters and dialogue are very much grade-a Black.

8. Robert Eggers’ The Witch

Such an atmospheric, soul-chilling horror film.

7. Gareth Edwards’ Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

A great cast of characters, a third act out of my geekiest dreams, and the single best Darth Vader moment outside of the Empire lightsaber duel. I didn’t know this was the Star Wars film I wanted/needed... but it was.

6. Park Chan-wook’s The Handmaiden

A twisty, vicious masterpiece.

5. Pablo Larraín’s Jackie

A fractured, admittedly slanted portrait of Jackie Kennedy in the days following JFK’s assassination. The film shows us the events through Jackie Kennedy’s own memory; it’s unreliable and often emotionally muted, but always manages to capture the hopefulness and love within her in regards to her husband and his legacy. It’s a visually stunning, structurally exciting film with the year’s very best performance at its center.

4.

Richard Linklater’s

Everybody Wants Some!!

This is a hilarious film whose honesty and depth echo loudly for hours after each viewing. Linklater has proven once again that he is truly is the king of slacker-philosophy.

3. Mel Gibson’s Hacksaw Ridge

The single best war film since 1998′s The Thin Red Line. Hacksaw Ridge is a classically told war film about heroism, faith, conviction and duty. The film’s first half does wonders in letting us get to know the man who was Desmond Doss, but it’s in Gibson’s unflinching, visceral depiction of battle that the film most successfully manages to tap into its themes, showing us the hero who was Desmond Doss.

2. Denis Villeneuve’s Arrival

The Best Film of 2016, Villeneuve’s Arrival is a technically flawless sci-fi masterpiece. Even just thinking back to the third act I feel an overwhelming wave of emotions wash over me; it’s such a powerfully executed twist, packed with humanity, suspense and heart.

And My Top Film of 2016 is...

1. Damien Chazelle’s La La Land

La La Land is a nostalgic, classic feeling musical about love and dreams in the City of Stars that is Hollywood. Packed with astonishing musical numbers - the opening, party scene and finale are all so beautifully executed and expertly shot that I came close to applauding - Damien Chazelle’s follow-up to Whiplash proves him to be a jazz filmmaker; taking the film where it wants to go, however unexpected or outrageous that may be.

Enjoy!

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

[duanecbrooks]

"Girl(s)"-Watching     In an earlier article I held forth concerning Baggage Claim, a cinematic black-oriented rom-com that I saw on DVD that I was initially attracted to because of its lively, funny trailer as can be seen on YouTube--and that, as I also disclosed, has made the list of My All-Time Favorite Theatrical Offerings. I have since purchased, and seen, the DVD of another picture that initially caught and held my attention due to the quality of its trailer--which, as is the case with Claim's trailer, is available on YouTube. Namely this flick, which, by the way, started out as a play, is Some Girl(s). It is, let it be said flat-out, a dazzler, laden with searing dialogue, meticulous direction, and--and this is the clincher--genuinely touching and humanistic performances. To catch and stay with Girl(s) from beginning to end is to be on a journey accompanied by a collection of really dimensional, truly flesh-and-blood-and-feeling characters, folks who, although entirely fictional, will certainly, definitely strike chords deep within you. It sincerely is that recognizable, in the human sense, a work.           Before getting into said work, a couple of explanations are in order. First, the story itself has to do with a soon-to-be-wed writer (Adam Brody) traveling around the country re-connecting with different exes and attempting to make amends with them. Secondly, since the structure of Girl(s) is, thanks be to God, honestly individualistic--the picture consists not of some convoluted, showy Plot but of a succession of scenes wherein Brody's character (he is entirely unnamed in the flick, henceforth he'll be referred to The Fellow) re-encounters the aforementioned prior girlfriends and, in various ways, clashes with each of them--what will happen is that the tangiest of the relentlessly tangy dialogue will be spotlighted.               So we commence...             Upon getting back together with Sam (Jennifer Morrison):             .Sam, upon entering The Fellow's hotel room: "I've never been here before. (Pause) Unless you're seeing someone illicitly."             .Sam, after The Fellow tells her of his romantic misadventures after breaking up with her and what he's learned from them: "It's funny how much you know about women--now."           .Sam, after The Fellow does an enormous amount of hemming-and-hawing concerning what this rendezvous with her is about: "[You need to c]ut to the chase because my kid's getting home at 3."         .The Fellow, at last finally cutting to the chase: "I'm here because I want to...right a wrong, make things OK."               .Sam, incredulously: "You want to air this [past romantic] stuff [that was between us] now?"         .Sam, after The Fellow does his buck-and-wing as to how "we [supposedly he and Sam] broke up": "There was no 'we.' It was you! You ended it."                 .The Fellow, regarding Sam: "You were a girl I could take a glance at and see her whole future."       .The Fellow, at last finally fessing up: "I suppose I got nervous and backed out of the situation [with you] the best way I knew how."                   .Sam, becoming frustrated about this whole deal: "I don't want to be thinking about this [past] shit [with you] now! I'm a wife and a mother!"                 .Sam, her frustration growing: "We talked about getting engaged but not this [situation they're now in]!"     .Sam, in her final comment to The Fellow before taking off: "Married, huh? Good for you." And off she goes. For good.             Upon getting back together with the ever-flirtatious Tyler (Mia Maestro):               .Tyler, upon The Fellow's telling her of his personal and professional triumphs: "Married? Holy shit! And New Yorker magazine [published you] in the same year."           .Tyler, upon seductively suggesting that she and The Fellow have a one-night stand and The Fellow demurring, citing his upcoming marriage: "Even if it just happens here, with nobody the wiser?"             .Tyler, upon The Fellow's breaking down and coming on to her: "Don't forget your [wedding] vow thingy."               .Tyler, in response to The Fellow telling her of "this whole [marriage] thing I'm about to embark upon": "It's not a cruise."                 Upon getting back together with the mega-bitter, mega-resentful Lindsay (Emily Watson):           .Lindsay, sarcastically initiating conversation: "So the prodigal son returns."             .Lindsay, continuing to throw her darts: "This is the part where you say something charming in return. That's why they call it 'banter.'"             .Lindsay, hurling yet another dart: "You left at the end of the second semester, so you have...no idea how it was for me."             .Lindsay, keeping up her dart-throwing: "How do you help me get back some of the dignity I lost?"               .More Lindsay dart-hurling: "You are quite capable of fucking me. You used to do it all the time."     .The final last thrown Lindsay dart, this one concerning The Fellow's profession of love and devotion to her: "You were good at [claiming that you cared about me]. Making an honest...woman like me fall for it, gobble it up."               Upon getting back together with the ever-giggly, ever-girlish Reggie (Zoe Kazan):             .Reggie, after using a somewhat foreign (to her) word: "Is that a word--'happenstance'?"           .Sam, acknowledging a key character flaw of his to Reggie: "I have never been good at keeping up with everyone from school. You want to know a secret? I'm not even on Facebook."             .Reggie, upon catching The Fellow in a lie: "You're not really good at making stuff up, are you?...Not for a man who makes his living doing it."               .Reggie, disclosing her genuine past attitude toward The Fellow: "I used to watch you. You were the favorite of [my childhood girlfriend] Kelly's friends."             .The Fellow, upon discovering a previously-unknown (to him) layer of Reggie: "I didn't even know you kept a journal! At 11?"             .Reggie, telling The Fellow of how she, too, once wrote a tale of fiction: "Like you did in your story. Only without all the--what do you call 'em?--motifs."           .Reggie, getting into she and The Fellow's past together: "Your hand was there [upon my body]. Slipping into my panties."               .Reggie, flatly refusing to let The Fellow off the hook for taking sexual advantage of her: "I was the kid. I was the little girl...You were a man...Maybe you couldn't vote or go to war, but you had a car and everything...You had no right to [exploit me sexually]. Ever!"             .Reggie, upon, before leaving, very soulfully kissing The Fellow: "That's what a woman kisses like. You feel the difference?"               Upon getting back together with the sensitive-yet-far-from-malleable Bobbi (Kristen Bell):           .Bobbi, upon The Fellow's relating to her his plan to revisit his exes and see whether or not there's any bad blood: "So I was one of [those exes], huh? The lucky ones."                 .There's this dialogue between The Fellow and Bobbi regarding the former's emotional/psychological self, the former is the first speaker, Bobbi the second:                                           "Part of your life begins to come up for you."                                     "Like vomit?"             .Bobbi, again commenting on The Fellow's visit-exes-and-see-whether-or-not-there's-any-hard-feelings strategy: "Well, I'm glad I made the cut."             .Bobbi, becoming sincerely pissed at what is in effect The Fellow's plying his snow job: "Just don't do some pathetic thing like pretending to smooth things over."                 .Bobbi, upon giving The Fellow a gift certificate and him at first refusing: "Just please don't be an asshole about this. Just take it!"                   .Bobbi, spiritedly rejecting The Fellow's attempts to gloss things over: "I don't need any friends! Let me be more specific: I don't need you!"                 .Bobbi, when The Fellow tries to smooth things over by serving up the I-didn't-mean-any-harm gambit: "Fuck you!...It's not about the meaning, it's about the doing!"               .Bobbi, still staunchly refusing to give The Fellow a free ride: "When you do what you do [sexually exploit females], people get hurt!...It makes you more than just an ex-boyfriend. It makes you a killer, an assassin, an emotional terrorist."                 .The Fellow, at last finally honestly attempting to make amends: "I've done a host of things that, if you nit-pick, look pretty awful stacked up...I'm not doing this [going around to his exes and trying to set things right] haphazardly, it's for Esquire...I may have done a lot of stupid things, but I was young!"                   .Bobbi's final last words before she leaves, in a quiet, weary tone: "It's very late...It's late." Referencing said gift certificate, in the same modest, tired voice: "It's for 100 dollars." Then Bobbi leaves.                 Next we see The Fellow upon a plane, presumably heading back home, making loving small talk with his intended via cell phone. Afterward his eyes meet with those of this hot young blonde flight attendant (Kathleen Christy) and they smile fondly at each other. The clear inference is that, despite The Fellow's upcoming wedding, they'll eventually get together sexually.             And thus we have Some Girl(s), an often gripping, frequently affecting, always, always deeply human multiple portrait of relationships, of sexual politics, indeed, of love itself. Adam Brody, coming off (for me) his mega-successful turn as Paula Patton's dyed-in-the-wool-homosexual co-conspirator/best buddy in Baggage Claim is, if anything, even better here, deftly constructing an often heart-rending portrayal of a guy who is either unable or unwilling to freely acknowledge, even to himself, that his efforts to make up for his past sexual crimes, however sincere and however well-meant, amount to too little too late. Kathleen Christy offers just the right helpings of flirtatiousness and expectation as the flight attendant who, at the end, lights The Fellow's fire. Neil LaBute, adapting his own stage work, shows that a first-class theatrical script can also be a first-class cinematic script. And director Daisy vonScherler Mayer quite adeptly orchestrates both the interaction of the players and The Fellow's various travels.               That leaves the women with whom The Fellow re-connects. All of them are expert, with two standouts. The first is Emily Watson, flinging her vengeful venom at The Fellow with the kind of stiff-upper-lip dignity and oh-how-you-hurt-me bravado that, far from turning us against her, have us feeling her pain and admiring her for fully refusing to be any sort of wounded bird. And then there's Kristen Bell. Currently riding high thanks to her leading-lady role on the rather fluffy television sitcom The Good Place, she sincerely reaches her pinnacle here, skillfully blending open-faced girlishness, lingering hurt, and steely resilience with the ease and the grace of a champion poker player handling cards. When she closes the door behind her after walking out, we feel the same devastation as does The Fellow--although, unlike his, it's mixed with firm respect and, indeed, admiration for so forcefully holding her own against him.                 It was the powerhouse actor Viola Davis, accepting her (richly well-earned) Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe Award for her performance in Fences, who said, in part, that adapting a play, even a highly-esteemed play, for the big screen "doesn't scream 'moneymaker.' But it does scream 'art.' It does scream 'heart.'" Patty West and Chris Schwartz and Andrew Carlberg--Girl(s)'s producers--have, in bringing the aforementioned play to the large screen, brought us a work that indeed freely scream both "art" and "heart." And it is we cinemagoers who are the beneficiaries.

[freecakevideos]

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All ....

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[365elephantsoap]

THEY MAY HAVE BEEN POTATOES

Last Friday, Michael drove the trailer over to Longview Lake campground which is about twenty minutes from our house. By the time I loaded up some dry goods and the dog and fought my way through traffic to meet him at the campground, he had already set everything up and was even lounging in his camp chair with a beer. All I had to do was hang up the camp lights. This is monumental because Michael and I have been discussing some things about traveling and the camper. We’ve been talking about Michael and the Cabbage driving out to where ever, California, the Grand Canyon, the East Coast, and then I would fly out to meet them. We spend a lot of time getting to the place where we really want to be. Then we don’t get to spend as much time as we would like in that place before we have to start back home. I have less vacation days. Michael and the Cabbage can take their time. Now we know that Michael can set the camper up all by himself. So…next year it looks like we’re headed to Washington!

We also discovered that potatoes do not last a year sealed up inside a plastic bin.

At least I think they were potatoes.

I got the utensil bin out so we could make ourselves some sandwiches that evening and everything inside that bin was covered in stinky mold. I threw the whole bin away. Do not worry. All of the titanium sporks are in the kitchen utensil drawer at home. Probably because I feared something like this would happen some day. No one knows how those potatoes got into that bin, especially since we don’t even store our food in that bin. But this is why we chose the closest campground to the house to set the camper up for the first time this season. This was the trip where we de-winterized the camper and took stock of the things we need and the things we need to replace and the things we’d like to have. Like a cooking prep table to set up next to the camp stove or some bus bins for washing dishes with the outside shower head. This was also our trip to discuss future trips.

We are not doing a big trip this year. Michael’s going to come with me when I go to a conference in Boston in July, but we do not have an epic camping family vacation planned for this summer. Instead, the plan is to take the camper to nearby state parks and have travel distances of no more than four hours. We had talked about taking the Cabbage to Omaha for a weekend, but the roads between here and there are under water. We are trading the Omaha Zoo for Silver Dollar City. Apparently teachers get in free and can purchase half-price tickets through the month of June. I have not been to that place since maybe 1998 and the more I think about it, the more excited I get about revisiting this particular childhood haunt. We were there so often that I had all the lines from the Saloon show memorized. I could play any part. I also knew the exact spot on the train ride when we’d get ‘robbed’ by the Bolins and where to stand or not stand during the Rainmaker show. If you were peckish, you could always grab a hot cracklin’ from the sample bowl at the craklin’ booth and giving Mom dipped candles that you made all by yourself was just like handing her a bouquet of wildflowers. We dipped so many candles.

Sure, the place is hokey. But it’s good ole family fun hokey. Maybe I can talk Michael and the Cabbage into getting an old timey family portrait made. Maybe that can be our Christmas card for this year!

Last summer we took the Cabbage on a tour of my childhood stomping grounds. She got to do all of the things that I got to do at her age. Except catch a fish. She did not catch a fish. She did get to run around various campgrounds with other kids in wild packs.. She did get to play in the dirt and climb up (and fall off) giant rocks. She got to see the stars and go for days without taking a bath. It seems almost fitting that we should be taking her to Silver Dollar City this year. I wonder if she’ll let me tie her hair up in pigtails like Mom used to do to me.

And then I can buy her bonnet to wear.

And dress her up like Laura Ingalls.

I’m probably going to have more fun than she will.