#I may also have gotten a bit too into uhhhhh

[dyesprout0ysphoria]

Sunflower content because they're silly to me

heheh

[luimagines]

Leg

Pinky wanted Legend fic, so Pinky gets Legend fic. tw mentions of hunting, cages, and blood. Also I got a little lazy at the end — I ran out of ideas.

And uhhhhh…. this is a very long ask.

Your smile was contagious as you ran off with Wild and Hyrule on some silly side-quest the three of you had come up with. Legend, after sharing a quick word with Time, followed you silently as the three of you left camp.

This had become routine, although you didn’t know it. You would run off with the two resident troublemakers and Legend would follow from a distance. He told himself, and the Old Man, that he was going along to keep the three of you out of trouble. That it was safer to wander about aimlessly with one of the more responsible heroes present. The Veteran forcibly ignored the strange desire that watching the three of you giggle and run about dragged up within him.

He’d lost the childish urge to play about, run off the beaten path, and turn over stones just to see what might be there years ago. He’d lost that sense of imagination and wonder to the cruelties of his world. He sought only to make sure you weren’t burned by your innocence as he had been. He would be there if something went wrong and he would fix it before you could get upset. But he didn’t want to join you. Definitely not.

You climbed a tree and swung around on some vines with your two comrades. Your bubbling laughter sounded like music in the Vet’s ears. The three of you were clearly having fun. You seemed to have no concept of the passage of time as you played about, swiping teasingly at the two boys and pretending to have been knocked over instead of ducking a similarly lighthearted punch from Wild.

Okay. Maybe Legend wanted to join you a little bit. But he wasn’t going to. He didn’t want to ruin your fun. And he wasn’t ready to admit that the reason he wanted to join you had something to do with the way his heart skipped a beat whenever you smiled or the unbidden desire to hug you close as you laughed. He cared for you as a friend. That was the only reason he never wanted you to lose your smile. The only one. It had to be.

He’s already had one love, and he lost her. He doesn’t expect another. He doesn’t deserve another.

——

Legend’s lost count of the number of times he’s done this. He’s having a harder time justifying it to himself. Not because he still won’t admit that he’s got a crush on you that’s growing by the day — he’s already come to terms with that. Instead it’s because watching your games from afar has started to make him feel really lonely. Literally everything he wants in the world is right there; it’s so close he could almost taste it.

But it’s as if it’s been locked behind a glass wall. He can look, but he may not touch. He won’t get closer. He can’t. He’s convinced the illusion would shatter if he tried to pass the oh-so-fragile barrier. You’d think he was creepy. A stalker. You’d never speak to him again. Or his presence would utterly spoil the magic. Your secret games wouldn’t be secret anymore. You would never be able to sneak off again without looking over your shoulder and wondering if he was there. Or if — by some grace of the goddesses — you weren’t upset and chose to include him, he might not be able to keep up. He might be too broken to loosen up and be silly with you. Maybe he’d just spoil everything.

As much as he can’t risk joining you three in your games, he finds he can’t resist following either. Despite what he tells Time, it’s no longer purely because he’s trying to make sure you’re able to have your fun and avoid the lecture about safety; it’s because he’s gotten addicted to that which he cannot have. That’s always the case with him. That’s just his lot in life. Always on the outside, looking in, and yearning for more than he deserves.

——

He’s startled out of his thoughts by Wild and the traveller discreetly whispering while looking in the direction of the skulking veteran. Hyrule then slips away to go talk to Legend as the latter begins to panic.

“Vet? What’s wrong?” The traveller approaches cautiously.

Legend shakes his head, “nothing, nothing. I’m fine. Really.” He forces a smile but the other boy doesn’t buy it for a second and it’s apparent on his face.

“Wild and I know you’ve been following us for a while now, not just today.” The traveller quirks one eyebrow slightly, “you didn’t actually think we wouldn’t notice, did you?“

The veteran sighs. Of course they both knew he was there. As good at hiding as he is, those two come from arguably the most dangerous eras in Hyrule’s history. Of course they would know they were being followed.

“No, I’m not surprised you noticed. I just—“ the veteran sighs again and trails off.

“You just what? C’mon, Vet, you know you can tell me anything.”

Legend hesitates and Hyrule decides to push harder, “look — I hate to do this to you, Vet — but they’re gonna notice I’m gone in another couple minutes. Then you’ll have all three of us ganging up on you and everybody, except them, can tell you’ve got a crush on them. As I see it you have two choices. Tell me now, quickly, or they’ll force it out of you since you’ve lost the ability to tell them ‘no.’”

Legend sighs, cursing the goddesses’ eternal cruelty toward him, “alright. Fine. It started because I just wanted to let them have fun without getting an earful. Time let y’all off easy because I was here to ‘supervise’ from a distance. But….” He takes a deep breath and does his best to avoid shrinking into a ball as he forces himself to admit it, “but now I just want to join you guys. But I’m scared I’ll ruin the fun somehow or that they’ll think I’m lame. Or worse: creepy for have been watching.”

Hyrule eyes him with… not pity, never pity, but sympathy. He knows Legend (and the legends of his predecessor) well enough to understand. However, this is clearly a situation that calls for some tough love. The traveller has let this hopeless pining go on for long enough. He grins and grabs his predecessor by the wrist, “Just trust me. I promise none of that will happen.” Without another word, he tugs Legend out into the clearing before the veteran has a chance to refuse.

“Look what I found!” Hyrule calls out to you as you notice Legend’s presence, “he was out for a walk. Wars won one of their verbal sparring matches and he didn’t wanna listen to the gloating and Four’s amused teasing.”

You raise an eyebrow, also amused, but you don’t comment on it. Wild, demonstrating an impressive mixture of situational awareness and utter lack of tact, runs up and lightly slaps the veteran on the shoulder. The champion shouts “Legend’s it!” and runs away at top speed. The traveller follows suit. Both you and Legend stand where you are for a few seconds.

You’re just surprised and confused, but Legend’s brain is running at a million miles a minute as he tries to decide what he should do. As soon as you process what’s happened though, your stance changes. You’re ready to run, but you aren’t scared. You lock eyes with him for a spit second, clearly expecting him to play. So he does. Five seconds after he’d been declared “it,” he runs toward you. He’s not going his top speed, but it gets his intentions across. You shriek in delight and sprint away from him, laughing as you go.

——

The veteran then spends the next hour or so running around and playing tag with you, the traveller, and the champion. The vet doesn’t laugh as freely as the three of you do, but he’s smiling the whole time and very clearly having fun. The four of you walk back to camp together in time for Wild to make dinner, tired and happy.

Wars willingly covers Legend’s alibi, and any Links who might be inclined to accidentally spill that particular can of worms (wind) are promptly distracted with Wild asking for help making dinner. Much to Legend’s relief, and the amusement of every other Link present, you remain blissfully unaware of the real reason Legend was in the woods that day.

——

The next time you try to sneak off with Wild and Hyrule, your trio becomes a quartet as Legend leaves as part of your group rather than a shadow. Sky and Time catch Legend’s eye separately as he leaves. The former is beaming, eyes twinkling with pride and amusement. The eyes of the latter are knowing, with a glint that promises teasing and somewhat-helpful, cryptic half-advice later.

——

Legend joining you becomes routine. He still doesn’t loosen up entirely. He can’t help it, he’s worried about you rejecting him if you get too close. However, you don’t seem to mind if he wants to keep his secrets. Although you’re very clearly toning up your silliness now that he’s around. You’re trying to make him laugh and he’s touched, if hesitant.

——

One day the veteran goes to collect firewood shortly before y’all leave. He says he’ll catch up and not to wait on him. So you don’t. After an hour and a half, you’re really worried: Legend still hasn’t shown. You, Hyrule, and Wild decide to split up and look for him. You’re walking through the woods and calling for him when you stop in your tracks suddenly as you hear him call back to you weakly.

“I hear you! I’m coming!” You take off running in the direction of the sound.

——

You find a large, pink rabbit dressed in Legend’s tunic stuck in a hunting trap. It’s in a position that looks really uncomfortable, and you’re a little worried the blood might be slowly rushing to its head based on the slight tilt he was caught at — rabbits are fragile.

“Vet?” You ask as you cautiously approach the cage.

Internally, Legend is panicking. He never wanted you to see this helpless form. Never wanted you to know this side to him. Never wanted to have to worry about if you’d accept him — of if you’d cause him harm if you didn’t. But he has no choice. He needs your help. The rabbit swallows, “…Yeah, it’s me.”

You don’t even know why you’re surprised anymore as you finish making your way over to the trap and start fiddling with the locks. “Okay. Im gonna get you out of there. Are you hurt?”

You’re speaking quickly, obviously worried, but you aren’t screaming. You aren’t running in terror or looking at him like he’s an abomination. You’re looking at him with concern and affection, but not pity. You didn’t even ask how or why he’s a rabbit, you’re too worried about his well-being. It’s almost too much for him to take. He very nearly starts to cry. He never expected this, but he should have. That’s just the kind of person you are. It’s part of why he loves you so much.

“Not really?” He replies, he doesn’t sound like he’s okay and he knows it. “I’ve been here a while so there’s too much blood in my head and I think I sprained my ankle when I got caught.” You hiss and work more quickly, grabbing your weapon and — after giving the bunny hero a verbal warning — break open the cage. You catch the roof of it before it can fall on him and cut the ropes inside that are holding him in that unsafe position.

The next thing Legend knows, you’ve scooped him up ever-so-gently in your arms. You hold him over your shoulder like a baby, careful to support his spine. “Just let me know when your blood goes back where it’s supposed to be.” He manages a half-nod as you carefully pour one of your topical-application potions over his injured foot, dissipating the pain instantly.

And then you’re petting him. Oh goddesses, you’re petting him. A few minutes ago he’d been convinced he’d die in that cage, but then you came. You broke him free, you’re holding him as he feels the blood slowly drain back into the rest of his body, and you’re stroking him from the tip of his head all the way down his back. He can scarcely remember the last time he felt so safe and cared for. He wants to be embarrassed but he just doesn’t have the strength. Instead, he allows a couple grateful, relieved tears to escape. It’s not like you’ll notice, anyway: they’ll just get caught in his fur.

“You know, my cat did this to himself once.” You start talking as you pet him. Are you trying to distract him? If so, it’s working. He always listens when you talk.

“He’s so silly. He laid down on a pillow but his head fell off and onto the floor. He looked unhappy but didn’t know what to do about it. I picked him up just like this and held him until he started to feel better. Then he was purring.” You chuckle to yourself, “poor baby probably had all the blood in his head, too.” You proceed to tell him a couple other silly stories until he feels better.

He purposefully waits until you finish the story you’re telling to let you know that he feels better. It might have been selfish, but he wanted another minute in your arms, feeling the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you spoke and your hands in his fur.

——

The veteran was a lot more open with you after the incident. It’s almost like he realized he didn’t have to hide from you as much as he thought. He laughs more and taken to slinging an arm around you whenever you walk within arm’s reach on the trail. He elbows you playfully while he teases and sits near you at meals as often as you’ll let him get away with.

What strikes you as interesting, though, is the way he seems to be constantly checking if you’re watching him. Whenever he spars with one of the others or does something particularly impressive in a monster fight, he glances toward you for approval. Even more interesting is that he seems to be showing off a little more when he knows you’re watching.

You’re oblivious, but you’re far from a fool. You’ve known for a while that he’s got a soft spot for you, but now you’re wondering if that might be because he’s into you. You decide to test the boundaries of what he’ll let you get away with and find out.

——

He’s shockingly lenient with you. He pretty much just lets you do as you please. Case in point: you’ve just finished dinner, but instead of getting up and going to your bedroll you’ve inched closer and laid your head on his shoulder. His response? A lot of blushing and he won’t look at you, but he’s also he‘s wrapped an arm securely around your shoulders and pulled you closer. You decide to confront him and make your own feelings known. You have a plan, but it’s dependent on your internal clock so you’re not sure if it’ll work.

——

You stir and blink awake in the middle of the night. The veteran is on watch. You mentally congratulate yourself as he carefully picks his way over to you to check on you.

“I’m okay.” You reassure him when you notice the concern on his face, “just… awake now, I guess. Can I sit with you?”

Legend nods, “you can always sit with me, you know that.” He speaks softly to avoid waking the others, but there’s something about the sound of it that makes your heart go all fluttery. You can’t help but wonder if he did that on purpose. You sit beside him on the log and lean on him like you had earlier. Just like earlier, he gets flustered, but he wraps an arm around you. Although it’s hard to tell between the dark and the way he’s turned away from you, you can see his entire face light up in a small — but genuine — smile.

After a long moment, you break the silence. “Have I ever told you that I love your laugh? Or that your smile reminds me of sunshine?” Much to your amusement, he immediately begins spluttering. You can’t see his face from your position and his stubborn refusal to look at you, but you can hear the bright smile in his voice when he replies, “no, but it’s nice to know. I appreciate the compliment.” You choose not to comment on the way his voice cracks. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.

“Oh really? I haven’t? Well, I’ve always thought so. But that makes me wonder what else you don’t know I’ve been thinking.”

He raises an eyebrow in response to that, “well I suppose I wouldn’t know the answer to that.”

You chuckle, “no, I suppose not. But let’s find out. Do you know that I’m in love with you?”

He freezes up. For once in his life, his brain goes silent — there’s not a single thought in his head. He’s grown up in a world that requires constant quick-thinking; he prides himself on his reaction time because it’s frequently the only thing that keeps him alive. But now his ambient subconscious thoughts — surroundings awareness, awareness of your body language, the passage of time, that sort of thing — is all gone. The silence is unnerving.

“What?” He manages dumbly after six seconds (you were counting, not him).

You smile, patient but nervous, “I love you, Link.”

And now you’ve used the name. His name. The one nobody’s called him in months. It should have made the problem worse. It really should have. But, somehow, the use of his proper name kicks him back into high gear. An unfortunate, for him, side effect of that is the rapid formation of a deep blush as his brain demands more oxygen and nutrients to start up again.

“I- I. Shit.” He starts to tear up, “are-are- are you serious? Me?”

You nod once, speaking in a cautious and almost sad tone, “is that so hard to believe?”

He swallows, “yes.” He moves his hands to your shoulders and pulls you to his chest abruptly in a hug that’s somehow both desperately tight and carefully gentle at the same time.

“Yes it is. Because I didn’t think I could ever get so lucky.” You can feel his tears beginning to soak through the sleeve of your shirt, but you don’t care.

“I think we’re both lucky.” You start to gently caress his hair, prompting him to haphazardly toss his hat onto the ground in order to encourage you.

You two spend the rest of his watch like that, just holding each other and relishing the closeness. Eventually you wake Wild for the next watch, and he may or may not have photos of the two of you cuddling together as you fall asleep — neither ready nor willing to let go of the other.

- glitter ✨

I KNEW YOU SAID IT WOULD BE LONG BUT I'M SURPRISED THE BOX WAS ABLE TO FIT ALL OF THIS IN. OH MY GOD

I had to think about the way he trapped for a second because it was a little vague but I assumed he was upside down in a cage... somehow... and a little bloody.

I realized that I should have been probably typing as I go because there's so much right around the point that Reader had woken up in the middle of the night.

Also- love that Legend is even more obvious afterwards. He's not even trying to be subtle.... if he was anyway. Because now Reader's caught on- Nevermind, Reader (like Wild (loved that line)) is just as tactless. XD

YOU WERE COUNTING NOT HIM

GLITTER YOU'RE KILLING ME!

ok, that was a cute ending. I know you said you got lazy but it was very sweet and soft.

[starlightshore]

explain Danny phantom to someone who’s never seen it before?

uhhhhh so i can only talk about it as the most insane kinda fandom person because

i was obsessed with this show when it first aired when I was 8 years old. it was my first fandom. i read fanfic for it before i even knew what fanfic was. its HEAVILY tied to my nostalgia and I've been engaging with the fandom on/off for literally 19 years. at this point DP is in my DNA.

while it's not my main hyperfixation (thats undertale) its the one tag i visit regularly and the one fandom I'll jump to every few months and binge fics for. i don't even read UT fics anymore but the DP fandom is always doing something. its very active!

under the cut I talk about my thoughts on the show, the fandom and explain the premise. It's a wild ride.

TLDR; i have a lot of THOUGHTS on this show and i do not actually recommend it. MAYBE if you're curious explore the fandom and some fics but be careful about it, it's a bit gratuitous with its angst.

If you want a basic premise: local 14 year old accidentally lets loose hell but also has become part ghost. This kid can fit SO much trauma in him.

first off: I fucking love Danny Phantom.

And I'm going to spend the next two segments complaining about it. Feel free to skip if you're already aware of this /or don't wanna linger on it.

Second off: This show fucking sucks*

* Ok fine yes sometimes it can be good, but it will always have an asterisk next to it.

it has NOT aged well. it was created by an asshole who's got a long shitlist of things he's done and still does that's all terrible. i am not one to hate someone publicly unless its for something like this. Feel free to google what Bitch Fartman has done if you're curious but I'll warn you: he is a horrible person and he disgusts me. I only acknowlege him when its to mention how awful he is and how I do not want to support him.

This is not like with FNAF where supporting that franchise supports Scott. Danny Phantom first aired 19 years ago. The show was written, directed, and sure as hell animated by a team of professionals. It is not his sole creation. Studio Animation is not the sole work of an individual. I respect (most) animators and the hard work they've done and do. IIRC Shitfartman doesn't even have the rights to the IP anymore. I assume he gets residuals though. That said the only canonical piece of media we've gotten is a graphic novel that was released last month. Up until then, supporting DP was just not literally a thing you could do!

Its not just the creator who sucks. There's a lot of BS in the show too.

the show is very early 2000s (and even then thats no excuse) and it has a bingo card worth of shit in it. racism, bigotry, ableism! you name it. I do not condone and i do NOT recommend this show because of this! its horrible with what they did with this show and its shocking it was acceptable enough to put on TV. you literally can't do shit like that anymore.

I'm not going to go list every detail of every horrible, fucked up thing the show has done. The list is too long and I haven't watched the actual show in a few years now. by god, I know there is a list out there though.

Anyway outside of my obligatory "fuck this show actually" rant aside

i do love this show because it DOES have a lot of good and cool stuff outside that. but also. its so much wasted potential.

the core premise is:

Hey what if a pair of paranormal obsessed mad scientist parents punched a hole into the after life hell dimension- and what if their son was basically spiderman-ed about it?

And here's the core part of the premise: Danny only keeps his identity a secret to the humans. Ghosts learn like, pretty much straight away that he's a Halfa (half human, half ghost). He's if spiderman's worst fear wasn't the villains but if like. Aunt May was going to rip him apart.

Oh yeah that's. a thing. Danny's parents literally want to rip his ghost identity apart from, and I quote, "molecule to molecule."

For a an comedy-action show its WEIRDLY morbid and dark at times but then has the tonal whiplash to make you question what the fuck did they just do. How'd they do that and then not care they just wrote that in. Seriously. It'll just lore drop or hint to dark things and then brush it aside because it's main focus is comedy.

Anyway back to explaing what the show even is about. the show likes to say Danny got his DNA merged with ectoplasm but that's stupid af i'd rather say he died but only stayed half dead. He can transform between the two states: living and dead. But he's not just two halves that make a whole -the two sides blend together. He can use his ghost powers as a human -and early on he couldn't control them so he'd just. go intangible or invisible at the worst moments.

The show just. jumps right in. You don't get to see the accident outside the intro (at least until season 2 when they retcon some stuff) you just have it thrown into your lap. He has powers now. He sucks at it. Deal with it.

I think it's important to acknowledge that this show was written before Netflix did streaming. Before Plot heavy cartoons were a thing. (Not to say they didn't have reoccuring plot, it justw asn't the same thing as it is now.) You had to write the show with the limits of:

Comedy being a major focus

You have to write it with the expectation that anyone could jump in and (reasonably) understand most things going on. While there's some continuity and plot progression, the status quo is god.

because streaming wasn't a thing yet, you could only watch the show by jumping into whatever the fuck episode was playing. I doubt it played in order all the time. You just couldn't make a cartoon that had weeks upon weeks of plot developments and expect people to keep up.

The show is, in fact, meant for kids. While it does dive into some darker stuff (being ya know, a ghost show) its still going to be overly silly.

So while YEAH i'll complain about the very very shitty things the show did but I can't soley blame Fuckhateshitman for all of it. It's the restrictions it was made under + likely a lot more circumstances I don't understand. I am a hobbiest animator. I have no real world experience in the animation industry. I can critique the final product but I can never understand what shaped the cartoon. If shitheadmcgee wasn't involved and the studio gave the show more room + had you know, more POC and women on team + animation (even for kids) was respected more then who KNOWS what the show could of been! But like. its a 2000s show. It is what it is. I think the show has its good and bad and i'll harp a lot on the bad rn because I think its important to acknowledge especially to new people, but I do want to frame it by saying it really is the product of its time.

I want it to be better and I hope if it gets rebooted its better. We expect a lot more from cartoons now then we did then. (I know this was a long tangent + kinda over simplifying things but whatever, moving on.)

The (Ph)Fandom

19 years later and here we are. Enter the Phandom (called that before that phill and whoever used the term, idc i'm still going to use the term.) We, the fandom, almost completely just retconned the show's finale. (obviously SOME people still like it but its like. an incredibly small percentage) Like. we straight up pretend it didn't happen. i don't even want to get into it rn. It was SO BAD that the graphic novel that just released literally (spoilers) retconned everything about it aside from a ship pairing.

Anyway the Phandom- personally I think it goes a little TOO harsh in its angst. LIke, maybe a bit too much. But it DOES add nuance and explores the themes and lore that the show just flat out refused to engage with at all. It really digs into the premise of "hey wtf this 14 year is half dead. hello? hello??? thats fucked up.... lets explore that." and i'm here for it.

As long as its not like, masochistic and gratuitous for no real reason. 😬That is my biggest complaint with the fandom is that sometimes it goes over board.

But yeah outside of that, it can also be VERY silly so expect tonal whiplash here too! We got memes. We got fandom holidays and events. Whacky stuff.

OH AND OCs. We have fandom OCs like Wes. The best nonexistant character ever. Love that lil weirdo <3. His whole schtick was "What if Danny had another human villain? What if this random background classmate knew his secret and was trying to expose it?" and its spiraled from there. No one ever believes Wes and he's tortured by it. Some make him out to be a conspiracy nut while others make him more of a threat. (or a joke, as I do) Considering this show has a ghost-version of the Men in Black (Guys in White) conspiracy actually lines up accurately for what Wes does. And, you know. The Fenton's have a portal to the afterlife in their basement. Honestly pretty reasonable.

so like the fandom just kinda... picks and chooses the canon. It does have an edge of "we can do better" but in fairness, as I just discussed, there's an awareness that the version we make is not restricted by the environment the show was made under. I would hope most of the fandom understands this and doesn't say it in the sense of like "oh yeah I know better than professional writers and artists fuck the show 1000%" instead of acknowledging Yes He Fucking Sucks but its also more complicated. I don't want to foster an environment of superiority and disrespect to any media/creators (with exceptions ofc) cause. Jesus christ we live on the internet in 2023 you have to know why I feel this way by now.

Anyway with that in mind, I do think it's a positive thing! I mean, fuck, the show had no new content for almost 20 years I think its obvious by now we'd just make our own doll house out of it by now.

So yeah the Phandom is like this:

We're oddly consistent with the phandom lore we've built around from the canon's lore. We expand it, we make it more queer, we do our own thing. And I really enjoy it! I partake in it! It's pretty cool.

So while there's some merit to the OG show I would not recommend it on account of the amount of BS I mentioned at the start of the post. But I would recommend the fandom! As long as you got a strong black list with trigger warnings in place. Again, I think the fandom is a lil too gratuitous. But oh my god I love so much of what the fandom does. There's so many fics that just stick with me and (ha) haunt me. There's a reason I still come back after all these years. there are SO many good fics.

also the fandom got adopted by the DC fandom a year or two ago. personally i have to have like 80 tags blocked so i can even navigate the tag. Its not my thing but i'm happy people are having fun!!

[swiftsaltsweet]

Thief in the Avatar’s Estate: Chapter 6- A Condition

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi and Yun (plus whoever appears in Rok)

Pairing: Rangshi

Summary:   Yun decides to head off to bed after his travels from fighting with the Fifth Nation. But as he does, he and his bodyguard, Rangi, hear strange noises coming from Kelsang’s room. When they go to investigate, they are surprised by what they find.

(Canon divergent AU-What if Kyoshi was raised by her parents?)

Prev chapter

Other Sites: AO3 and Fanfic.net

A/N: Just a heads up ch 7 was where I stopped because I got my attention taken away by Hunt For Kyoshi. So uhhhhh yes slower updates on this one. Sorry. u_u

Oh! I know this is an AU of Rise of Kyoshi, but….expect maybe some spoilers for Shadow of Kyoshi…..esp in regards to Kuruk here. (and maybe Yangchen too, but that’s for next chapter)

Also enjoy the art edits :'D May have gone to town on this chapter....jfdkslafja (miiiiight update one of them, I dunno if y'all get notifications for changes but.....if you do it's cause I updated a pic)

______

It had been several days since the trio had entered the Spirit World. It was unknown how long time in the real world had passed. They could only hope it hadn’t been too long. 

The group had gotten into a rhythm. They’d travel in silence, dodge some spirits, all three would have a few arguments, Rangi and Lee would fight, and Yun would tease Rangi every so often. Rinse and repeat. 

It was on the fifth day, Yun’s attempts to pry deeper into Lee’s life started becoming successful. 

“Why did you steal from me?” Yun finally broke one of the hours-long silence between the trio.

Lee, however, didn’t seem phased by the question. “I have my reasons.”

Deflecting again, huh? Yun frowned. 

“Well, did you get what you wanted?” he goaded some more.

“Hmmm, I suppose.”

“Which was?” 

Lee didn’t respond. She didn’t respond for so long, it took Yun and Rangi by surprise when the silence was broken again.

“I wanted something with the Avatar’s seal on it.”

Yun and Rangi blinked in surprise. “Just, anything with the seal on it? Not those documents in particular?” 

So she wasn’t trying to gain intel on what the Avatar’s next move was? Then what was she doing?

“I mean, I did try to find some Earth Kingdom related documents, I mean that’s where I usually reside. But no, it didn’t really matter what it was. These seemed like some non-important Air Nation related documents, so I figured no one would notice nor care if they went missing.”

“And the toy?” Yun asked. Even if she was telling the truth here, it was the one thing that didn’t line up.

Lee bit her lip, a very bad habit of hers that Yun realized, “That one’s…more complicated.” 

“Please, enlighten us,” Rangi sighed, rolling her eyes.

Lee was silent for a while, and then spoke again when she finally found whatever courage she needed. “It’s mine.” There was an intense possessiveness that took over her voice. 

“No, it’s the Avatars’.” Rangi corrected her. “It’s been in their lives for generations.”

Lee looked at her confused and then downcast. “Oh, I had no idea. It was just the toy I wanted to get back then.”

Yun cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“Years ago, some weird officials came into a town we were passing through. They were asking for kids to come up and choose toys from a pile.” She moved her hand instinctively to a place in her tunic. Possibly where the turtle was being held. “I happened to see the turtle and thought it was up for grabs. But my father pulled me away and told me not to ever approach them.”

Yun furrowed his brow. He had heard of Jianzhu’s attempts at finding him by using the Air Nomads' way of finding the Avatar; they were desperate. He had been unlucky to be too sick to move when Jianzhu came to his city to perform the toy test, otherwise he would’ve been found sooner. 

But why that toy? Why an Avatar’s toy? He didn’t like it, it set him on edge. Even though he heard about how they almost crowned Suzu as the Avatar cause she happened to pick out three of the four relics one time. He still didn't like the idea of people touching his things.

“But, why?” Rangi asked, pulling them back to the original question of the papers. She didn’t seem interested in Lee’s parents and their version of stranger danger. “Why would you risk your life and livelihood to break into the most important place on the planet? And for something so….meaningless?”

“L-like I said, I have my reasons,” Lee stuttered as a bead of sweat rolled down her cheek. 

Something about this didn’t add up to Yun. If she wanted something benign and to not get caught, then why the explosion? “But why would you go so far as to set a trap for such meaningless documents?” Yun asked. 

Lee stopped and blinked at them, “Trap? I didn’t set a trap. Why would I when I thought no one was going to be there and I was trying to be sneaky?!”

Rangi and Yun looked at each other, “Then if it wasn’t you, what was that explosion back at the mansion?” 

“I dunno, it wasn’t me.” Lee scratched her head, equally confused. But she decided to steer the conversation back to the original track. “Listen, I can let you look at the documents, to show you it’s nothing. So will you let me keep them without a fuss?”

Yun gave her a long look, measuring her reaction, before responding. “Fine.”

Rangi turned towards Yun with widened eyes, “Yun-!”

But Yun put his hand up to silence her. “One condition. If, and again, only if, they are just bland governmental documents that are but a footnote in my life, and hold no real meaning. You can have them.”

Lee gave him the brightest smile, her cut threatening to open up again with how wide she was grinning. As if he had made her day, no, life. If he was being honest, it made his heart thump a bit. 

“But-” Yun continued, Lee’s face falling slightly. “In exchange you can’t tell anyone you encountered us. We didn’t give chase, you didn’t save us, this whole journey never happened.”

The wide grin came back full force on Lee’s cheeks, “That? Of course, fine by me!”

Lee continued marching forward, with a new skip in her step. He’d need to figure out how to deal with the turtle toy some other time.

“Yun, what are you thinking?” Rangi whispered to him.

“Better to have people, especially criminals, think they can steal from me when I’m away than to have the hope in people’s eyes tarnished because we were in figurative bed with an outlaw.”

Upon hearing that, Rangi could only nod in agreement. All they would need to do was increase security at the estate. It’d be annoying, but it was a better trade off than his public image being ruined.

“Hey you two slowpokes!” Lee yelled, apparently she had gotten farther ahead than they’d realized. “Get over here and let’s take a break!”

Lee was waving for them, she was in a field surrounded by…..very bright and very large mushrooms. 

“Check it out! I found some spirit mushrooms!” Lee laughed as she poked the giant fungi.

Yun marveled at the spirit mushroom, it was large and squishy…. And glowy. It was out of this world, nothing could tear his eyes away from it. Except something more surprising and extraordinary.

He noticed an odd motion coming from his bodyguard. Rangi was….wiping away drool coming from her mouth. Not only that, her eyes were sparkling. 

Yun was stunned, it wasn’t often, no ever, that Rangi showed an active liking towards something. Anything, really. 

“Ah I wouldn’t eat that one!” Lee yelled to them as she scoped out some other mushrooms in the area. Only Yun had the pleasure of seeing Rangi’s face look so crestfallen. “Not if you want to lose your sense of self! …..or is it that you’ll leave your body for good?” She wandered off, muttering to herself, apparently trying to remember which were safe to eat. Not that eating really mattered here… but it didn’t not matter. 

“So you like mushrooms?” Yun whispered to Rangi.

Judging by how straight Rangi’s back became, it seemed like she’d come to her senses and returned to her usual self. “N-no. It’s just food. I like it as much as any other food.”

Yangchen forbid she admit she likes something. Yun sighed before realizing he had a new opportunity to press the firebenders buttons.

“So…” he took a step closer, nudging her shoulder, careful to avoid the spikes. “Mushrooms or Lee, which do you like more?”

She turned to him, face blazed and eyes bewildered, but she wasn’t able to give a coherent answer. Yun gave her a shit eating grin. Maybe she’s attracted to Lee more than I thought. Or maybe she’s reading into the question more than I planned. 

Before Rangi could form an answer, Lee popped out from behind another mushroom. “Did someone say my name?”

“No one is talking about you!” Rangi spit out, stray sparks leaving her mouth.

“Oh I thought I heard my name?” Lee smiled, oblivious to….everything apparently. This was good for Yun, it meant he could be more risky with his teasing. 

“Oh but we were! Rangi was just telling me how she liked you more than mushrooms!” Yun gave Lee the best political smile he could muster, all while Rangi gave him a look as if he had just stabbed her in the back. The fresh red in her face drained instantly, along with all other color. 

Lee just blinked, “Cool. I guess?” And then promptly walked away. 

As soon as she was around the corner, Rangi dropped to her knees, exhausted by the interaction. “Avatar Yun, do you hate me?”

Yun tried not to laugh at the helplessness in her voice. “No. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re attracted to my enemy. Just want to know if she’s going to steal you away from me.”

“I’m not atr-I mean… I’m not going anywhere,” Rangi said weakly. Yun noticed the slip up. Can’t even lie about it anymore, huh?

“Well I think you should go for it,” he laughed, half-jokingly and half-serious.

Rangi looked at him incredulously.

“What? Do they not have flings in the Fire Nation?” the incredulous-ness of her look intensified, but she did gnaw on her lower lip. Thinking about something.

Yun imagined himself on Rangi’s shoulders, one acting as a righteous spirit, the other as a dark spirit. Then he merged them together, he was going to be both. He did owe her one, for using his Avatar status to command her to steal the documents back, it was time he paid her back.

He knelt down next to Rangi, and gave her a one armed hug around the shoulders while avoiding her armor’s spikes.

“C’mon, we aren’t going to see her again after we leave! What’s a little handle holding? A stolen kiss?” He jostled her a bit, and she looked at him, eyes wide. Sweat pooled from her face, and her ears were redder than a white dragon bush flower. He started walking two fingers up her arm. “A little….” Then he booped a finger on one of her spikes. “Tryst?” 

The flush had spread throughout the rest of her face, she was redder than the Fire Nation’s hottest volcanic lava. And about as warm too. He was definitely putting her into a spiral again, but this one seemed to be less devastating. Maybe just one more push?

“C’mon, live a little! Who’s going to know?” He gave her a smug grin. “As your Avatar, I command you to seduce the beautiful daofei and to have some fun!”

Yun watched as the bronze left Rangi’s eyes. Actually her entire body lost its color, and she felt rigid, like her spirit left her body. Maybe I went too far? He thought. He didn’t have time to right his wrongs, as he felt footsteps making their way back to them, unbeknownst to Rangi. He decided to just double down. 

Yun slapped Rangi’s back encouragingly, “Go get her tigerdillo!”

“Whatcha doin’?” Lee appeared before them, head cocked to the side. Yun could feel Rangi' under his hand practically jump out of her skin and flee into the woods. Well at least it seemed her spirit re-entered her body… “Did you eat the mushroom I said not to?”

“No….” Rangi muttered, not bothering to look up.

“The air’s just a little thin here, don’t you think?” Yun said coming to her rescue, he waved his hand to punctuate the issue of the seemingly bad air.

“No? It’s not like we’re not on the mountain yet.” Lee said pointedly. But then she shrugged and made her way to Rangi’s side. “Well good news, I found some edible mushrooms! They’re over here!” She scooped down, picked Rangi up around her waist, and proceeded to carry her like a very docile cat mouse…or a sack of flour. Regardless, Rangi hung there limply, not bothering to protest.

Lee plopped Rangi down on a mushroom that was stool level, and then handed her what appeared to be an edible mushroom. Lee took a mushroom seat on the opposite end, while Yun took a mushroom seat next to Rangi.

Rangi stared at the mushroom sullenly, but then brightened up after she took the first bite. Life and light shone back into her being in an instant, it was almost as if Yun’s earlier conversation never happened. 

“Oh so you do like mushrooms,” Lee said as she happily bit into one of her own. Her comment caused both Rangi and Yun to choke on their bounty, and slowly drained the life right back out of Rangi once again. Maybe Lee wasn’t as dense as she let on? “And here I thought you were being sarcastic.”

Yun tried coming to Rangi’s rescue again, but could he really say it was a rescue when he got her into these situations in the first place? “Of course we were being sincere! You could say we’ve grown fond of you these past few days!”

Lee blinked at him, surprised. “Really?”

Yun nodded, “Yup! I feel a kinship! Almost like a friendship!”

Lee’s eyes sparkled, “Friendship?!”

Yun was a bit taken aback by the utter happiness that was radiating off the criminal. “Y-yes?”

“So, we’re kinda like…friends?” Lee had dropped her mushroom and stood up, excitedly.

“Yes? R-right, Rangi?” Yun looked at Rangi, who was in the middle of chewing another bite of spirit mushroom. 

Why are you dragging me into this?! You brought it up! Is what her look communicated to him.

“I’ve never had friends my age before!” The sparkle in Lee’s eyes was getting dangerously happy. “So if we’re friends, that means we can do each other favors right?!” 

“S-sure?” Yun couldn’t stop agreeing to the girl’s questions. Her enthusiasm was magnetic.

“Then…” She turned to Rangi, expectantly. “Can you show me some of your Firebending moves?!” 

______________________

Rangi started choking on her mushroom. “What?! Why?”

Some skittishness seemed to seep into Lee’s demeanor. “Um, well, uh…..”

“No, really, why? What use could an earthbender have learning firebending moves?” Sure there were some stances that overlapped, but it made more sense for an earthbender to learn from another earthbender!

Lee bit her bottom lip, wincing a little when she bit her cut. “I…I’m not really all that great with my earthbending.” She looked down, fiddling with her hands. “I’ve gotten some help, drawing off of other bending forms, like waterbending. You know what they say! ‘Wisdom can be gleaned from any nation!’”

Rangi thought back to when Yun questioned her about her odd earthbending movements days ago.

“So I thought, maybe firebending could help……fix my issue? Or at least improve it?”

Rangi blinked at the taller girl, still dumbfounded. She supposed it could work, but it was still a waste of energy. It’d be more beneficial for Lee to learn from an earthbending master. Rangi was about to say no, when Lee cut her off.

“I’ll tell you all I know about Kuruk!” she blurted out. “Whatever you wanna know!”

Rangi and Yun shared a look, “You want to give up your leverage for….this?”

Lee nodded, relieved. “Yeah! I mean, you said I could keep the documents if they were bunk, right? And we can easily part ways after. So besides those two things, this is really the only other thing I need.” 

Rangi raised her eyebrows at the girl. She really wanted something this useless in exchange for something that could be otherworldly useful? It almost hurt her honor taking advantage of someone in such a lopsided bargain, but if it helped Avatar Yun…..

“Fine, but you tell us what you know first. And then I’ll hotsquat you to Koh and back.”

Lee beamed. “Ok ok! So um, where do I start? Oh! He tried to teach me Pai Sho a few times, but I really hated it.”

Rangi glanced a look at Yun, sure enough, it looked like he’d been gutted. “How about something a little more useful. You mentioned something about his hunting earlier? Something about what he really hunted, if I recall correctly?”

Lee smacked her forehead. “Oh right! His hunting! You’re, like, Avatar Kuruk’s reincarnation correct? And remember when I said it’d be best if we just avoid spirits in general?”

“Yes and yes,” Yun nodded in recollection.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly the whole truth.” She grinned sheepishly. Rangi could only wonder what else the girl had lied about, but didn’t press. This information was more important. “There’s another reason we need to avoid spirits than the ones I explained a few days ago. That reason is because the spirits really dislike Kuruk. They have a big grudge against him.”

Rangi blinked. That didn’t make sense, nothing they knew about Kuruk would indicate spirits would hate him. Did he even interact with spirits? Outside of Koh stealing his wife? If anyone would have a grudge against him, it’d seem more likely to be the human world. Considering he neglected it and all.

“Why?” Yun asked. 

“Because he killed them,” Lee shrugged. She said something so heavy, oh so easily. As if handing a 100 pound weight to a scrawny child, unaware of how it would cause them to fold. 

Yun’s eyes widened in shock, “W-why?!” 

Lee took a step back, surprised by the reaction, “Um, for some reason the spirits were angry. They were threatening to destroy the world, so he had to take them out.”

Rangi blinked at the other girl, this was the first she heard of this information. It was never in any of her mother’s stories. 

“Why were the spirits angry?” Rangi asked. 

Lee shook her head, “I dunno. He never wanted to tell me the why. He said I’d have to ask someone else, since it wasn’t his story to tell.” 

Rangi scrunched up her face. It was so hard to believe, maybe Lee was making this up?

“That’s why he died so young!” Lee blurted out, seeing the apprehension on Yun and Rangi’s faces. “The spirits he killed, they took a piece of him with them each time. He told me that’s why he drank and partied, to numb the pain.”

The two stood shell shocked by the revelation, and Lee kept going. “That’s why Koh stole his wife's face! Why else would a spirit just do that, you know? He obviously hated Kuruk and what he did to the spirits!”

Lee looked at the other two teens expectantly, but they only returned with stunned silence. “He also taught me a poem.” Was the last little ‘fun fact’ she could come up with for her earth shattering bombshells.

Rangi and Yun could only stare at Lee, mouths agape.

Lee waved her arms a little impatiently, “So….are you going to teach me firebending- I-I mean firebender forms, or what?”

Rangi nodded, but asked if they could have a moment to collect themselves.

______________________________________________

A few hours, and a very long conversation with Yun later over the revelations. Rangi was finally in a headspace to teach Lee. 

They weren’t exactly sure of the implications of Lee knowing vital knowledge about Kuruk, nor why he would tell a random daofei of all people. But they decided to run it by Jianzhu when they got back. 

There wasn’t much they could do now, so instead Rangi set out to be the first firebending sifu for an earthbender. It didn’t make any sense to the girl, but she was damn sure going to do it as right as she could.

“I told you to mirror me! It’s already hard enough I have to do this form in reverse for you, can’t you just copy?! Mirror! Shadow! Anything!” Rangi yelled, like the drill sergeant that she was. “Your elbow is too low! Your legs aren’t low enough! You call that flexible?!”

“I’m sorry Sifu Firecracker!” Lee pleaded, some fear showing in her voice. Sweat dripped from her forehead and other exposed parts of her skin. She’d kept her entire attire on despite the layers, opting to only roll up her sleeves and pant legs for ventilation.

Not enough to drop that ridiculous nickname apparently. Rangi frowned. 

Yun was off to the side of the meadow, watching them like he was at one of those fancy theater plays. He lounged back, laying down on his arms, and hollered at the girls. “Rangi, why don’t you just physically guide Lee? Cause shadowing is obviously not working!” He then gave a wink when only Rangi was paying attention.

That jerk! Rangi scowled. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he could tell Rangi was trying her best to keep a safe distance between her and the daofei. Rangi still hadn’t forgotten the last time she invaded the daofei’s personal space. She didn’t think her heart could take a repeated offense. 

“Um,” Lee’s squeak pulled Rangi’s scowl away from Yun and onto Lee. Lee flinched and looked away. “He’s right, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Lee looked back at Rangi with the eyes that would put a deer puppy to shame. 

Damnit! Why does she have to have such pretty eyes? Rangi bit the inside of her cheek, willing it to not heat up, as her heart thudded hard against her armor. Then mentally kicked herself, realizing too late her thoughts were starting to get a little too honest. 

Rangi grimaced, and made a move towards the earthbending girl, “Fine.” 

It’s fine, I’ll just make it quick. Rangi thought as she stomped over. Just don’t look at her face and you’ll be fine.

She kept her eyes to the ground and saw Lee’s foot placement. Perfect. She put her foot on Lee’s thigh and lightly pushed. “Lower.”

Lee yelped as she dropped into the position Rangi was pushing her towards. Rangi made a mistake by looking out of the corner of her eye and saw Yun wiggling his eyebrows at her as he mouthed ‘You've got this!’

She snapped her attention back to Lee, absolute focus on her face. 

Ok, now arm placements. “You need to bend it more here.” Lee bent her arm as she was told. “No! That’s too far! Go back!” Lee bent it back but past the original position. “No that’s wrong-argh-just-”

Rangi gave up, and grabbed Lee’s arm, both girls visibly flinched at each other’s touch. Rangi cursed to herself, as caressed the other girl’s much cooler arm. Rangi wasn’t regulating her body temperature well, how was she going to explain this? 

She shook her head, deciding ignoring the problem was better than addressing it. Let your opponent make the first move. But Lee kept quiet, perhaps she assumed that firebenders ran hotter than others? That wouldn’t be incorrect, but the temperature Rangi was running wasn’t exactly a normal firebender temperature at the moment. 

She put Lee’s arm into position, “Like this, now thrust it outward as a palm strike, and bring it back to this position. Then do the same but with a closed fist.” Lee obeyed fairly well. “Good, now stand up, and do the same thrusting motion, but bring your leg down to that bent position at the same time.”

Lee complied, after attempting the form a handful of times, Rangi stopped her. “Ok now watch me.” Rangi performed the same attack, but this time twisting her shoulders and hips to give the thrust more impact. “Do that.”

Lee attempted the action, but didn’t get the twisting movement down right. “No! Not like that! Just-here!” Rangi got behind Lee, before her brain caught up to her. 

When she placed her hands on Lee’s shoulders, she realized her mistake. Lee’s shoulders were broad and firm, there was definitely muscle underneath her tunic. It wasn’t the first time she was getting acquainted with them, but she also didn’t get a chance to really appreciate it the first time. Due to their lives being in danger and all. She briefly wondered if they were as chiseled and defined as the abs she happened to catch a glimpse of the night they met. 

Rangi tried not to be distracted by how nice Lee’s back felt, choosing to look away from it to save her from the distraction.

She made yet another fatal error by choosing to look up rather than down, because she could see Lee’s fully exposed nape. Lee’s long hair was tied up into a messy bun for this exercise, and Rangi could see everything in all its glory.

Strands of loose hair stuck to Lee’s neck, caressing it in a fashion that Rangi could only view as a taunt aimed directly at her. She watched as a stray bead of sweat fell down, tracing every muscle along its path, before disappearing into the tunic below. 

The action caused Ragni’s breath to hitch, which led her into suppressing a cough. She realized she was drying the air out as well. She needed to move soon or she’d be caught. 

She gripped Lee’s shoulders. Ignore your hands. Ignore your hands. Ignore your hands. Ignore your hands. Ignore your hands. Ignore your hands! She chanted in her mind as she twisted Lee’s shoulders into the correct movement. 

“There like that,” Rangi forced out, clearing her throat. 

“Don’t forget the hips!” Yun jeered. “That’s where all the power comes from!” Rangi briefly considered if it’d be a crime if she burned the Avatar’s eyebrows off, before she found her distracted by Lee’s body again.

Rangi could feel a white hot flush forming throughout her body. Just make it fast!

She put her hands on Lee’s hips, and turned them, Lee easily complying with every motion. “Just rotate it at the same time as your shoulders,” she forced out breathily. It, or the steam that came out of her mouth, caused Lee to flinch, which caused Rangi’s heart to quicken even more. Damnit, control! Control yourself!

Rangi took a step back, “Now, show me the form again.”

If Lee had noticed something was up with Rangi, she didn’t let it show on her face. Rangi prayed to Yanchen and every Avatar she could think of for that minor blessing.

It was short lived when she noticed Lee’s hand placements, how could she have not noticed sooner?!

“No! No! No! You’re going to hurt your wrist with that palm strike! And spirits of the islands! What are you doing with your fist?! Are you trying to break your fingers?!” 

She grabbed Lee’s hands in annoyance, with the intent to put them in the correct position. Another mistake. Just mistake after mistake today, or really since she met Lee. 

Lee’s hands were much softer than Rangi thought they’d be, and smoother too. They were so pleasant to touch that Rangi’s heart stopped for a moment before it spluttered back to life. Rangi was mesmerized by how her thumb dented into Lee’s hand as she pressed into it. 

She slowly made her way up from the wrist to the fingertips, making sure her own fingers gently scraped over Lee’s tendons, as well as a bulging vein that’d become more prominent since they started the training exercise. 

Her hands are so big. Lee had a wide palm and long fingers, even longer than Rangi’s. Rangi wondered how big they really were. Twice as big? They could definitely engulf Rangi’s if they were ever intertwined. 

It took all of Rangi’s strength to return to her sense, and readjust Lee’s fingers and hand into the correct position. “You want to strike with your palm,” she whispered, her hand still over Lee’s. 

She could hear Lee gulp dryly. She really needed to get her heat under control, she was drying them both out.

“Now show me your fist.” 

Lee compiled again, curing her fingers. Her fingernails catching the tips of Rangi’s fingertips, and accidentally curling Rangi’s hand over hers. 

Rangi stopped breathing, and her heart pounded so hard in her chest, she could’ve sworn it was at risk of bursting through her armor and running off into the wilderness. 

Very big. Was the only thought that could come to mind, when she noticed the size difference.

She bit her lip, trying to ground herself.

“Sorry,” she heard Lee mutter from what felt like a very far distance. Rangi was torn between forgiveness and ire. 

With the strength one would require to move a mountain, Rangi detangled her fingers from Lee’s, and quickly readjusted them into a proper fist. 

As she was in the process of turning her head and body, so she could get away, she caught the side of Lee’s neck. 

A collarbone teased Rangi from just under the tunic’s collar. It gleefully pointed her to the divet in the throat. From there she followed a line from Lee’s very sharp muscle up to her jaw line, and stopped at Lee’s lips. 

The bite mark she’d given Lee when she performed CPR on her was still prominent. It seemed to have healed a lot faster than Rangi had anticipated, even with Lee reopening it from her bad habit. 

Something in her didn’t like that it was disappearing. It made her want to do it again, albeit, more tenderly this time.

Her eyes went up from Lee’s lips, to her cheeks, and marveled at the freckles that dusted her face. It was the first thing Rangi noticed when Lee took her makeup off, and it was something she couldn’t help but steal glances at since. 

Lastly was Lee’s eyes, gray like storm clouds, but there was a light that danced in them. There was a sparkle that drew Rangi in, especially as they bored into her like they were now. Wait. 

Rangi’s eyes widened. Lee was looking at her. She could see Rangi was ogling her. 

Without thinking, Rangi grabbed Lee’s face by her cheeks and forced it forward, “What are you doing looking at me? Focus on your form! Look straight!” 

She tried to make her words sound like a strong instructor. Did it work? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about anything anymore. How long was she in that stupor? A second? A million seconds? 

“Yefsh Sifuuu” Lee slurred out between her puckered lips and pinched cheeks. 

Rangi released Lee from her grip, her thumb accidentally sliding over Lee’s bite mark. Rangi was surprised by the heat in her thumb it left after she pulled away, surprised she hadn’t spontaneously combusted against her will just yet. 

“We’re going to run that form again! Mirror me properly this time!” she commanded her student.

She turned away from Lee, planning to get back to her position, and caught Yun’s eye. He’d transfer to laying on his stomach, his face in his palms. He was kicking his feet lightly, like a schoolgirl. When their eyes met, he gave her the smuggest grin she’d ever seen. She almost set the whole meadow on fire right then and there, her honor and all, but somehow kept it restrained. 

“I won’t let out any flame at the end of the set, so feel free to relax.” It was easier said than done, her entire body wanted to let loose the flame building up inside of her. But maybe her focusing would help keep her mind off things. Such as Lee, and how she seemed completely unperturbed by the whole situation that just happened!

Not a single blush was in sight. Rangi chewed the inside of her cheek and let out a string of curses in her mind. Why was she the only one that felt this way? Why was she the only one who had to suffer? 

She inhaled sharply, and got ready to start the set. No, maybe I covered my tracks better than I thought. She doubted it, but now she had to focus regardless. 

They started in sync, only five feet apart. Lee was mimicking her perfectly this time. Guess she was a fast learner. 

There was a twist here, a stomp there, a palm strike here. 

The last move was the punch she’d just helped Lee with, Rangi inhaled on the twist, making sure to repress her firebending. 

Right as the duo followed through on their punch, a giant ball of fire appeared before them. Rangi grabbed Lee by the shoulder and threw her behind her as she jumped back. Rangi was just barely able to escape the licks of the fire as she maneuvered it upward, and Lee ended up flying to the ground.

“Woah are you alright?!” Yun yelled at the girls as he ran over. 

“H-hey, Firecracker! I thought you said you weren’t going to bend!” Lee asked, nerves clear in her voice as she shakily stood up. She tried to laugh “You scared me!”

Rangi just stared dumbly where the fire appeared. Yun grabbed her shoulder. “Rangi are you ok?”

A distant part of Rangi, one too far to occupy her body at the moment, knew he was probably concerned about her lack of control she had been experiencing. That part of Rangi wanted to reply, but she couldn’t. 

Rangi shook Yun’s hand off and warily approached Lee, she could feel her look of shock and horror still on her face.

“Hey if you’re going to be the Avatar’s bodyguard, you should really learn to control yourself,” Lee laughed, trying to make light of what just happened.

Rangi grabbed Lee’s hands, unperturbed by her earlier feelings. She gripped them tightly for one second, then dropped them instantly as if she’d been shocked, and took a step back.

Rangi’s ears were ringing. She was finding it hard to breathe, it was a struggle to talk but she gasped each word out as she gained what little air she could. “That- it wasn’t- That wasn’t me.”

Rangi couldn’t see Yun’s face, she couldn’t see anything now. Anything but Lee. Her whole world was crashing down, and Lee was ground zero. 

Lee’s smiling demeanor started to melt away, into a more horrified expression. She attempted to speak, but nothing came out. It looked like a scream was caught in her throat. 

“What do you mean it wasn’t you?” She heard Yun ask from a million miles away.

Rangi took a couple gulps of air before forcing out the words, “It. Was. Her.”

The hands Rangi had held, which were ice cold to her before, were now scorching hot. A flame out of control. 

“N-No it wasn’t! It wasn’t me!” Lee took a step back, terrified.

“Why?!” Rangi screamed, her voice cracking in sync with the tears welling up in her eyes. Hope and what she thought was the truth, hanging onto the bitter end before it all blew up. “How is it that you earthbend and firebend?!”

Rangi’s eyes widened in realization. The dark spirit. When her fire had lost control, there was wind. The wind had fed into her flame. “And airbend?” 

The edges of Rangi’s vision started blackening, everything was being consumed by the blackness. Everything but Lee. Who’s face looked as decimated as Rangi felt. Fury coursed through Rangi, and she ran up and grabbed the girl by the front of her tunic and started shaking her.

“HOW?! Tell me!” The campsite. How she got it all set up in such a short time. Even the way her fire dagger had gone out! How she was able to talk to Kuruk! It was all adding up!

Rangi finally met Lee’s eyes, the storm clouds inside threatened rainfalls.  

WHY?! Don’t make that face! Not when it’s me who-

“Answer me!” Rangi screamed. “Answer me, you- you-!” Every word that came out felt like a sob, as she shook the other girl. She couldn't say the word. It would be final if she did. 

Lee pushed Rangi away and fell backwards onto the ground. 

“Th-this isn’t- It’s not-. This isn’t what it looks like!” Lee scrambled to her knees, arms outstretched pleading, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Pleading. As if she was afraid for her life.  “I have a condition!” 

________________________________

A/N: Heh….stool level……mushroom……heh…… (I meant stool the chair level btw TT0TT in case that was confusing, but the pun was so enticing I had to keep it, confusion be damned)

Neck and hand fetish….how does one write a neck and hand fetish???? TT0TT Gdi Rangi and your canon fetishes! That itself made the chapter longer than I’d meant to dkfljaskfja;k This was just supposed to be a tiny fanfic with small chapters at at time TT0TT 

Anyway ummmmm that was a rollercoaster, huh? :’D We’re not off this ride just yet buddy-bois!

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 6/20/2023

Once again it is Tuesday, so I have to make my report.

So, the first thing to report is that I actually did get my new computer (they emailed and told me it was delayed and then it showed up right when they initially said it would anyway??) Anyway, it is here, and migrating was quite easy. The one "wrinkle" was that we thought it would be fairly easy to put Office on it, and the details are very boring and stupid, but it wasn't, but the fact was, I was not enjoying my experimental migration to Word, so I am back in Google Docs. I briefly considered trying to write in TextPad and just html as I go, and then I felt like a 70-year-old FORTRAN programmer (bad) or possibly a Neal Stephenson side character (worse) and decided I would suck it up with GDocs probably scraping my work and selling it directly to Elon Musk. Whatever.

Enough curmudgeoning. No one wants this, least of all me. I am on my new compy. I got the big fanfic put back in GDocs, but I did not do any further work on it this week. I did start my Bleach Returns week fanfic, which is currently, uhhhhh, 667 words. It's better than nothing!!

I officially gave up on the art I was working on last week, I just wasn't into it. I started something else instead. It's a series of sketches, and I have done one and a half of them. "Done" is sort of vague, because I may go back at the end and either do more clean-up, or ink them. I just want to see how it goes overall. I hope to do at least five, spending about a day on each on. (This is also for Bleach Returns week).

My kids both finished school last week, so it's been a little chaotic overall, and I suppose I should be grateful to have gotten anything done. I'd say we're settling in, but there's not much for settling, because every day is different, and every week has different things. We've been to the pool, we've been to the ice rink, we have been to the library. My daughter has swim lessons this week. My son starts camp next week.

I started the week feeling very behind and guilty, but somewhere part way through the week, I got a big wave of "lol no one cares what you do" and I've been cruising on that big wave of apathy for a bit. Now that I think about it, I think my anxiety has been winning the war for too long now, and it's good to see that my depression rallying on my behalf. All of this sounds terrible 😂but it's good for me, actually, or at least, it's as good as it ever gets around here. Will I accomplish anything this summer? That's none of my business! Whatever the answer is, it'll be as much a surprise to me as it is to you.

PS: I put in the depression stuff and didn't delete it b/c I like to use these to track my own moods over time, but don't worry about, it's very normal for me and also no one needs to comment on it.

[evening-winds]

20 Questions for Fic Writers Tag Game

saw someone do this and tagging "and everyone who sees this and wants to answer" so i'm stealing this. consider yourself tagged if you see this and want to answer!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 19!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 224,584!

3. What fandoms do you write for? raileon all the way

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? let's see...

1) wouldn't have it any other way — relatively short and a quick read, fun banter, pretty cute 2) keeping count — my emotional distress fic (to quote a bookmark a reader made). it packs a punch 3) dragon song — surprised that the novel-length one is this high on the list!! wow people really managed to read that one huh 4) the best way to put together me (will you and i make a breakthrough) — baby's first (finished and published) fic, and it shows. made it to this list by virtue of being posted in the relatively early days of the fandom lol (i suppose it's still decent enough) 5) you are my delightful intruder — direct sequel to breakthrough, so i guess it makes sense to see it here right after it

5. Do you respond to comments? yes! well, 99% of the time. a couple of times i've gotten a comment and went like "huh. ok. i have literally nothing to say. even a thank you would feel weird in this context" and not replied

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? a shadow of a memory aka hurt no comfort bad end au!! i know such a string of words may sound very unappealing but it's a good fic!!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? uhhhhh......... i'm a sucker for happy endings (asoam notwithstanding) so i really can't say. i'm gonna go with the most self-indulgent answer and say certainty 👍 nothing happier than self-discovery (and smooches) (but there are also so many that have them getting engaged/being married by the end so. you know)

8. Do you get hate on fics? nope *knock on wood* (speaking of certainty, the reason i put off finishing it was because i had a very vivid dream about getting doxxed and death threats for having bad headcanons and it genuinely freaked me out for a while. good thing nothing like that happened in reality)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? nope. not my cup of tea. i barely read it, either. sorry for being both ace AND boring

10. Do you write crossovers? nope. also not really my cup of tea

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no, unless you count the translating i have to do myself for every fic i write (tough EFL speaker life 😔👊)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? the very first fic i wrote was written round-robin style with a friend nearly 20 years ago! we never published it (thank the stars). after that, nope.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will? everything in my wip folder.............. the one posted wip, heart as a compass (soulmate au), is on hiatus but i keep thinking about it. if only it wasn't 100k+ words long. that's too much!! ain't nobody got time for that (that includes both me and any potential readers)!!! out of the unposted ones i have to say serendipity (time travel au), which!! man!!! i have the setup, i have the romance, i have the fun little bits that appeal to me specifically and make me feel like a genius, i have the slowburn and the yearning and the delicious impossibility of it all, but. the plot. what is it. why is the time travel needed. i still don't know. also yet-unnamed champion!raihan au. i think about that one a lot, too. mostly the romance part and how it would be different when only one of them is a public figure. again, i'm missing the actual plot. every time i try to think about how the story of the games would pan out in this setting, i just skip straight to the end and start daydreaming about the role-switched post-eternatus hurt/comfort instead lol

16. What are your writing strengths? a background in linguistics and generally just. reading a lot i guess. learning by observing, absorbing everything. understanding the rules and techniques of prose. knowing where to look for guidance when you get stuck with something language-related. that sort of thing

17. What are your writing weaknesses? perfectionism. also the fact that i """have""" to write in english. this combo means that it takes a lot of work and effort! and i hate work and effort!! (anyone want to learn a globally insignificant and allegedly very difficult language that is 100% useless unless you want to live here so i could simply write in my first language and not have to deal with my nemesis (affectionate), i.e. the english language)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? if it makes sense in the narration and context, why not. not something i have personally had to deal with as a writer

19. First fandom you wrote for? hp..... unfortunately (see #13)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? it changes constantly. right now i can barely make myself look at any of them, let alone name a favorite. so i guess i'll say this: give a shadow of a memory a chance. it's unconventional but pretty cool

[albatris]

I have Missed blorbo blursday and I don't wanna overwhelm u with asks, but also,,,, if you are up for it,,,, may we get some facts about Riley?? Because Riley seems very cute and nice,,

I also have a tune for you! I recently discovered the song Tangerine by Nolune and it's a Very Good Tune. Makes me a little emotional in a good way

ooh, hello, I'm very late but thank you for the ask!! :D

first of all, WHAT a good tune omg..... just lovely.... gorgeous song <3 thank you for sending it, it makes me emotional too :'))

and uhhhhh yeah, Riley! Riley is good, lots of love for Riley over here, I like her a lot hehe. she is indeed very cute and nice!!

Riley lives in one of the apartments across the hall from Nat and she's a fellow vamp, and was turned about six years ago :3 she was turned voluntarily but I haven't pinned down exactly why yet, though I have my suspicions...... she regrets it, but tries not to dwell on it too much

she's the first friend Nat makes without Quinn's help! for her first appearance in the story, she senses the presence of A Vampire in Nat's apartment and knows Nat is a weird paranoid hermit who, to her knowledge, has never had a single person over to his apartment in the three years he's lived there....... so naturally she assumes some vampire has gotten inside somehow and is going to eat her weird neighbour lmao

she very anxiously attempts to break in and save him, and they have an extremely awkward spiderman meme moment at the door where she's like "are you ok do you need help??????" and he's like "dude what?? I was just taking a nap??? I'm fine???" then they both have the Oh I'm Staring At Another Vampire realisation at the same time

anyway, ye, Riley is very cool....... a popular gal who makes a good first impression.... polite and friendly but with a big ol' mischievous streak....

she loves bright colours and clashing patterns and zany makeup, her fashion tends to be very eccentric and bold and she gets a lot of compliments on it, that and her signature multicoloured hair, which changes frequently c:

she loves dramatic soap operas and old horror movies. she's a bit of a vampire film buff and has a running ranked list of which are the most accurate. she personally has a fondness for the really horrible monstrous scary vamp films, in a sort of jokingly self-deprecating "haha look it's me!" sort of way :c

she doesn't have a fatal sunlight allergy the same way Alex does, but still gets nasty burns and blisters pretty quick so she's mostly nocturnal too. she works as a tour guide for haunted locations and does ghost tours, basically! she also often writes about ghosts and the paranormal for little magazines or online journals.... she and Shara from ATDAO would get along so well. ghost time!

she's great with kids because she's basically a big chaotic kid herself, and great with adults because she's good at pretending she's not just a big chaotic kid xD she's bubbly and mischievous and loves a bit of good-natured chaos. she's a prankster and often takes Nat for a bit of a ride, seeing what ways she can mess with him or what silly things she can make him believe...... mostly because he's a very very very new vampire and doesn't know left from right yet lmao. but it's all in good fun :3 she's a big sweetheart and loves to fuss over her friends (of which she has a LOT)

in terms of vampiric activity, she just hangs out at shady bars and eats creeps. extremely valid. bigoted dirtbags talking a little too loudly, people slipping things in other people's drinks, dudes who get too handsy without consent or follow people home. eat more creeps 2k22. she's not always particularly subtle and quite a few humans who are familiar with her turn a blind eye when some unpleasant bastard mysteriously goes missing lmao

she knows about Quinn's reputation and has made a point to stay as far away from them as possible, n she's extremely worried about Nat being involved with them....... she doesn't want him to be taken advantage of :< she's quite terrified of Quinn and wants him to be safe! she's part of the reason Nat stops letting Quinn push him around so much, her care and encouragement definitely have a big impact on him

though Riley has a very bubbly and cheery personality, she's super fuckin depressed and extremely high anxiety all day every day. she was already an anxious human and vampirism aka "If You Didn't Have An Anxiety Disorder Before, You Do Now!" disease of course exacerbated this...... she's less prone to paranoia than most other vampires, though, probably due to her open and trusting temperament as a human

mmmm one final fun fact about Riley is that...... I always imagine she and Yvonne would get along SO well! I think Yvonne would be fascinated by Riley tbh, for...... reasons :3 well, for reasons thematically related to Yvonne's character arc, but that I won't go into here because they're still simmering in my brain and not ready to be rambled about yet!

so in my head, although Yvonne and Riley don't actually have much of a chance to get to know each other, I always think under different circumstances they could have been very good friends..... we can throw Zeke into the mix for some fun too :D

in terms of shipping with the rental car gang I'm always just like "idk just do whatever!" and Riley/Yvonne is such a good one..... have considered writing aus where [REDACTED] doesn't happen and the two get a chance to become close..... Riley/Yvonne/Zeke love triangle also has fun potential hahaha

chaotic vampire + chaotic human + chaotic vampire hunter. perfect. chefs kiss

or more likely both the chaotic vampire and chaotic vampire hunter think the human object of their affections is just some ordinary sweet normal girl and she turns out to be ten times more chaotic than both of them fjdjdks

anyway. yeah! :D

[yourfavouriterival]

DIN DJARIN - thank you

note : uhhhhh this is totally just horny hours from me to you also IM SORRY OKAY ITS NOT OK I KNOW AND I HAVE A REQUEST WORKING BUT IM SORRY I FORGOT I SUCK

warnings : smut (blowjob, dirty talk, swallowing), slight fluff, din boy is a bit shy uwu, helmet stays on

word count : 1940

summary : y/n gets worried after she hears a noise, but it turns out to be what they both wanted

pairing : the mandalorian (din djarin) x female reader

masterlist

“Fuck.”

Y/N’s eyes shot open at the sound of the Mandalorian’s voice from the cockpit. She’d gone to bed earlier than usual since her eyes had burned from the bright lights in the cockpit. She’d barely gotten down the ladder before she practically collapsed against the floor — her bed, so as to not bother the Mandalorian. True, she had gotten closer to the Mandalorian over the time they’d been together in the ship. She barely talked to him, though, but still — somehow — he was the one she thought of as she touched herself.

And that simple ‘fuck’ caused butterflies to swarm her stomach, even though the noise could have very well been her imagination. But it may have also been a pained exclamation, which moved the thoughts from her head. 

She grabbed her blaster, climbing the rungs of the ladder as silently as she could. “Mando,” she whispered, knocking on the wall next to the entrance, just in case he was without his helmet. “You okay?”

She heard a shuffle from inside and closed her eyes, just in case, once again. She suppressed her flinch when he grabbed her arm, even though it was done with a softness that shot a shiver down her spine. 

“I—I’m so—sorry, I just,” she stammered, stumbling forwards towards him when he tugged her arm slightly, bringing her into a calm cockpit, silent save for Y/N’s heavy breathing. “I just—maybe—I thought you were hurt or—or something,” she swallowed, eyes still clenched shut. 

“You can look, cyar'ika.”

She slowly blinked her eyes open, smiling softly at the beskar-clad man. “Sorry if I—I interrupted something or—or—ye—yeah, I’m gonna stop talking now,” she laughed nervously as she stammered out her sentence, pretending not to notice that his belt was undone.

“It’s okay.” ‘Okay’. Not ‘you didn’t interrupt.’ 

“What were you doing?” Y/N blurted out, immediately sucking her lips into her mouth with a panicked look on her face. 

“What do you think I was doing, cyar’ika?” His hand moved from her arm to her hip, his hand splayed from underneath her breast to the top of her hip bone, watching—underneath all that beskar—for any sign of discomfort.

“Uh,” she flushed, coughing slightly. 

“Say it, mesh’la” he said softly, rubbing her hip bone over her clothes.

“Y—you were, uh,” she stammered, suddenly feeling much too hot in her clothes. “Touching yourself,” she whispered, looking down.

“That’s right, cyar’ika, good girl,” he praised, tipping her chin up slightly to face him. “And what was I thinking about, sweet girl?”

“I don’t know,” she rushed, flushing but keeping her eyes on his helmet. 

“Really?” His prompt was teasing and he tipped his head down to rest the cold beskar to her forehead in a keldabe kiss. “I think you know, cyar’ika.”

“I could say what I wish or I could say something else,” she whimpered, her hands coming up and splaying over his shoulders. 

“And what do you wish?”

“Mmm,” she whimpered helplessly, knees buckling suddenly. “Mando—”

“Was thinking about you,” he revealed. “Was thinking about you and how tight you’d be—how good you’d taste—”

He was cut off when she whimpered loudly, hugging him to her body. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her into him. “M—more,” she whispered. “P—please tell me more,” she whined, head falling against his chest. 

“Yeah? You wanna know more, cyar’ika?” When she whined out a ‘please!’, he tutted. “K’uur, pretty girl. I was thinking about your softness. Maker, you—you’re so soft,” he marvelled, rubbing her waist and trailing his palm down to her ass. “So soft,” he whispered, more to himself than to her. “I’d love to taste you, my love,” he spoke softly. “Feel you around me, f—fuck,” he groaned. “So pretty—so—” He cut himself off when she ran her hands down his chest to get to his belt, tugging him closer. “So needy,” he chuckled, grasping her hands lightly and tracing his fingers along her wrist. 

“Mando—fuck—please,” she whined.

“What do you want, sweet girl?”

“Want you in my mouth,” she panted, her body heating up immensely under — what she thought was — his dark gaze. 

“Go ahead,” he hummed, placing his hand lightly on the top of her head and pushing slightly, not enough for her not to be able to stop him. But she dropped to her knees in front of him, bowing her head forwards to place her forehead against his thigh. “Alright?”

“Yeah, just—just please,” she hummed, reaching her hands towards his zipper. “Can I?” She got a hum in return and she immediately unbuttoned his pants, licking her lips as his boxers came to view, an obvious — and obviously large — tent coming into view. She glanced up at him for a second until he nodded, permission for her to do what she wished to do before she pulled him out of his boxers and—

Fuck. He’s huge. And she lets him know with the loud whine she lets out as she wraps her hand around him, fingers struggling to touch. 

“I… fuck, you’re huge, sir,” she whimpered, dragging her hand up and down his length, his shuddering breath slightly halted by the voice modifier, but the sound still reacher Y/N’s ears and it sent a shiver down her spine, going straight to her neglected cunt. “Biggest I’ve seen, sir,” she admitted, squeezing her hand tighter towards the tip of his cock. 

“D—don’t have to call me ‘sir’,” he stammered, knees weakening when she ran her thumb over his tip, moaning at the way he twitched in her hold. 

“Do you not like it?” Her whisper was spoken against his cock, her breaths hitting his tip. 

“Love it,” he groaned, hips jutting forwards when she squeezed his tip. “B—but you can—can call me Mando,” he moaned. 

“Okay,” she whispered, a smile falling onto her lips. “Think you could sit down for me, Mando?”

He practically fell backwards into his seat when she squeezed his cock tightly and she settled between his knees, resting her head on his thigh as she pumped her hand a bit faster. 

“Always—always thought about this,” she whispered. “Think I could put it in my mouth?” She spoke softly against his thigh, pressing her cheek against the cool beskar that still clad his thigh. 

“F—fuck,” he growled, lacing his fingers through her hair and bringing her forwards until she was face-to-face with his cock before she leaned forwards and encircled his tip with her mouth, running her tongue over his slit whilst now both hands encircled his length, pumping in time with her tongue. “Good girl, t—fuck!—there we go,” he stammered, hand tightening in her hair. He could feel his hips start jutting upwards and into her mouth. 

Her hands left his length and wandered to where his hand was on her head and pressed down until he let out a guttural groan, realising what she wanted and pushing her down lightly, but she moaned around his cock and forced him down her throat. 

She bobbed her head up and down his length, suppressing her gag reflex when he hit the back of her throat. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he moaned out when she relaxed her throat, pushing her head down until her nose pressed against his stomach. He couldn’t believe how good she was and how close he already felt, his hand tightening as he led her head up and down slightly.

He was big. Sure, Y/N hadn’t had that much experience with… this, but she was sure he was the biggest she’d ever have, and her throat was going to be sore tomorrow, but that and her drenched panties would be worth it if only to hear him cum down her throat. 

“H—hands, pretty girl, hands,” he ordered, gathering her hands once she moved them up and pressing them against his chest before fucking up into her throat. “S—so pretty,” he praised, moving the hand on her head to her cheek, brushing over it lightly, smiling softly at her without her knowing and the moan she let out around his cock was pushing him closer and closer to the edge. “Wa—wait,” he panted as he felt his balls tightening, hips pushing slightly harder up towards her warm mouth. “G—gonna cum, fu—fuck, cyar’ika,” he groaned, bringing his hand back to the back of her head.

She hummed around him, clenching her hands in his hold as her hips started to rock against nothing underneath her. 

“Please,” she whined, muffled from the mouth-full of cock she was struggling to fit. 

“S—so good—fuck—so good for me, cyar’ika,” he groaned, voice lifting in a sharp cry as she wrenched one hand free to roll his balls in her hand, moaning softly once again as she felt his chest heave under the hand still on his chestplate. 

She swallowed around him and Din felt his cock twitch down her throat, gaze burning into her face as she looked down at him. 

“Cyar’ika, ‘m gonna cum, gonna cum down your throat. S—s—so pretty for me, yeah? A—a little good girl, ye—yeah? Oh, fuck,” he let out a guttural groan as his hand moved to the back of her head, pushing her down and fucking up into her throat, keeping her down around him as he came down her throat in spurts, his head falling back against the chair, a loud groan echoing through the cockpit. 

Y/N swallowed around him time and time again, bringing her hand to his stomach — albeit over his armour — and rubbing up and down, trying to bring him back down from the haze an orgasm could bring. She slowly pulled away from him, sucking his tip for a couple of moments as she brought her hand to his length, pumping him tightly to milk the last of his cum before she swallowed. 

She stood in front of him afterwards, cunt clenching around nothing before she leaned forwards, putting his cock back into his pants and zipping it up and was about to pull away when he grabbed her waist and pulled her into his lap. 

He pressed his chin into her neck and she could hear how heavy his breathing was, and she wondered if he could feel how heavy her breathing was as she let her head drop against him, panting into his armour.

“Vor entye. Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,” he whispered, arms winding around her waist, placing the chin of his helmet in the crook of her neck.

“What does that mean?” Y/N whispered into his neck, moving her hands to his shoulders, but she didn’t get an answer.

“Vercopaanir Ni Ru'lis mureyca gar,” he whispered in the same tone, bringing one hand to the top of her head and bringing her closer to him. 

“Mando,” she giggled, squirming in his lap until she could look him in the eye (read: visor). “You saying more things doesn’t mean I understand it any more,” she chuckled, moving so she was straddling his thighs, closer to his knees so she could see more than the metallic visor. 

“I’ll tell you someday,” he assured, running his hands up and down her waist, but just then, the baby cried downstairs. 

“I should take care of that,” she whispered.

“And I should c—check on some, uh, things,” he said, and Y/N stifled her giggle as she got off of his lap, the haze he was in almost adorable. 

“Alright, you go check on your… things,” she smiled. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”

He watched through the reflection of the cockpit’s window as she walked away.

translations :

(some of these translations might be slightly wrong, sorry)

cyar’ika = darling, beloved, sweetheart

vor entye = thank you

ni kar'tayl gar darasuum = i love you

vercopaanir Ni Ru'lis mureyca gar = wish i could kiss you

mesh’la = beautiful

[cadaceus]

C2E141

One last time, y’all. This campaign and these characters have meant so much to me, and this seven hour finale was definitely an emotional rollercoaster. (Yes, I shed actual tears at one point, which rarely happens to me with media. But this is a special occasion.) These liveblogs are nearly as long as the episode itself, so grab a snack! With that being said, here are my very last liveblogs for Campaign 2 of Critical Role. As always, major spoilers below, so beware. 

- Veth taking a level in Wizard, god I am really gonna cry ten minutes into this thing...  😭

- We got our first “stay with us” to Essek, I am emo...

- I was fully not expecting to say goodbye to Frumpkin, but now I’m on the verge of tears... farewell dear fey friend (Marisha saying “that wasn’t supposed to be what broke me” me too me too)

- “You’re a good person.” “I could be.” “You are.”

- “I think you’re a good person” I never thought that I’d hear Beau say that about Essek and this genuinely might be what breaks me... she thinks he’s a good person.... redemption is possible.... maybe love is real....

- If I end up crying over wizards, look away

- Jester lifting up Fjord’s arm to snuggle beneath it made me say “awww” out loud  🥺

- VETH GOING FOR A DIP IN THE POND, I AM GENUINELY SO PROUD OF HER

- “Aahhh!! It’s me! Your wife!” I am going to miss Jester’s sending so much

- Okay that accent bit was so funny, I am going to miss all of them so much

- REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK REAL MOLLY IS BACK

- Oh but he doesn’t remember them... and Yasha is trying so hard to help him remember, it’s so so sweet 

- Something about the way he said “Tealeaf’s nice” made me tear up... I was neutral on Mollymauk early campaign because I went into things knowing that he passed away, but this whole conversation with the Mighty Nein is So Much. Also “Kingsley Tealeaf” 

- “Everyone should have a brother” as someone with three of them, I vouch for this  🥺

- a) I love Marion Lavorre (and Jester ofc!) so very much and b) I can’t believe that Jester’s parent trap actually worked??

- “I do not think Exandria is ready for how you’re going to change it” got to me... and it’s also so true. jester has already changed the world just by being kind.

- Good bye Marion... I love and will miss you so much! (And many thanks to Laura and Matt for creating an agoraphic single mother who raised a wonderful child <3)

- Beau and Jester teasing Marion for having a complicated relationship with Babenon reminds me of Caleb saying he has a complicated relationship with Essek...

- LEAVE CALEB ALON E FUOIKJLKGKNL 

- THIS IS ....... SO MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

- Caleb’s biggest trauma(s) coming back to haunt him, I am genuinely going to cry I’m not ready for this I’m not okay

- Beau saying to Jester “Thanks, cutie” I love themmmmm

- INITIATIVE AAGJASKHDKJ AAAAAHHHH

- Essek’s Gravity Sinkhole did nothing? uhhhhh Mr Stark...

- EADWULF???? HELLO?????

- Essek using his entire turn to save Caleb last battle 🤝 Caleb using his entire turn to save Essek this battle

- ASTRID???? I TRUSTED YOU??? WE ALL TRUSTED YOU????

- Another Counterspell chain sdfdghjkdl wizards !!!

- “It’s just business” is literally the Neutral Evil line, it always gives me chills when any character says it

- This hurts more after Liam confirming on Twitter that Astrid/Caleb/Eadwulf were all three a romantic item... please stop hurting Caleb, you loved him  😭

- THE FJORD VS EADWULF SWORD FIGHT IS SO CINEMATIC I LOVE IT HERE ACTUALLY

- Essek taking every opportunity to pull Caleb to safety makes me so emotional...  😭

- “You’re not the first student I’ve had to put down” I am burning with my anger for you, old man 

- THE DISPEL WORKED LET’S GO CALEB.....

- Remember when Matt said that Essek doesn’t openly show concern/emotion? And now he’s saying “I’m scared” in front of his closest friends and his worst enemies.... growth my love.....

- BEAU AND VETH LETS GO CHAOS CREW LETS MF GO BABEYYYY!!!

- FJORD COUNTERSPELLING THE DIMENSION DOOR..... and Matt having him describe it.... is this taking the place of a “HDYWTDT” *eyes emoji*

- CALEB GOING DOWN NO, THANK GOD FOR THAT DEATH WARD

- Veth’s illusion of Caleb’s parents flanking Caleb in the flames.... that got me too, Liam

- “Stay down.” yeah, okay, that was sexy

- ASTRID BEING THE ONE TO ACTIVATE THE COLLAR IS LITERALLY POETIC JUSTICE... Trent being beaten by the student who stuck with him longest I love this so much, she deserved that moment honestly

- Break Time, AKA Emma Makes Her Weekly Mug Brownie Interlude

- Sometimes I feel like “death is too good for you” is a copout, but in this case it fits so well, I want this mf’s reputation destroyed and the entire operation exposed and overthrown let’s goooo

- “I loved you both so much”.... Astrid and Eadwulf walking away.... oh, Blumendrei... I know this is not the end of your story. What’s past is prologue, loves

- The Empire Siblings are gonna burn down the whole system because it’s the system that enables individual corruption... I am so fulfilled by this, god i love them

- “I love you too” OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, FJORESTER ARE THE CUTEST FOR REAL

- Jester and Essek’s friendship still means so much to me btw just in case anyone wanted a check-in

- Veth giving the flask to Kingsley!! Good for her, good for her!

- OH Blumenduo are back already! I truly thought that was going to be their last appearance of the Campaign, why is this taking me more by surprise than Trent’s appearance

- “[Caleb] notes how similar Eadwulf and Fjord are” this is Widofjord adjacent... this episode we have gotten Widomauk-adjacent, Widojest-adjacent, and Widofjord-adjacent (and Blumentrio ofc), now come through Shadowgast and we can get a full Bingo on the “Bisexual Maelstrom” card

- Speaking of relationships, I am lowkey into the Fjord/Jester/Kingsley dynamic LOL no one look at me I’m in hiding

- I’M NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO VETH AND CAD 😭 It makes sense and the fact that they have their families back is beautiful but also consider this: I’m sad and I will miss them 

- The goodbyes to Caduceus..... I am going to cry aren’t I?

- “If he’s anything like his mom, you won’t see him until it’s too late” Okay that made me giggle, I love Veth and I love Luc and I love their little family

- IS ESSEK LEAVING TOO? THAT’S GONNA BE WHAT BREAKS ME ISN’T IT

- If Essek leaves and we never see him again, getting a triple whammy of goodbyes I will be so incredibly sad, I cannot do this  😭

- If anyone is interested, no I am not doing well

- I was lowkey ready to get an Essek’s feelings for Caleb confirmation tonight, I guess it makes sense that we didn’t but I hope that this is not the last time we see Essek... I want to write another emo post about him and about how much he means to me but I will refrain

- CALEB BEING A TEACHER IS THE ENDGAME I WANT FOR HIM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

- Wow, I really was not ready to see Caduceus and Essek go for some reason... I really wanted this Campaign to end on the image of the Mighty Nein together as all nine of them... I’m feeling so numb right now having to say goodbye  😭

- Oh, we’re in the epilogue now!

- When Fjord said “[the sea] is my favorite place to be” I genuinely felt that on a spiritual level... the ocean is home, it truly is and always will be for me as well

- “I CAST MODIFY MEMORY” FJORD LMAOOOOOOO

- Okay, that Widobrave ending is what made me shed tears for the first time this episode... not to be Personal but my biological brother graduates High School tomorrow, and for some reason this conversation just reminded me so much of me and him and now I’m emotional

- NOT THE SYPHILIS BANDITS DSYUHDFJKLSFJ;DS OKAY I NEEDED THAT LAUGH

- “I’d like to hear about your friend” Kingsley aww

- Beau giving Kingsley her first diary to help him realize who they all are is actually so perfectly fitting, I love that!

- “The other eight and I, yes” Caleb counting all nine of them again  😭

- CALEB BEING OFFERED AN ASSEMBLY SEAT WTF AAAHHH

- Oh shit, Astrid took the Assembly seat... I’m not sure how I feel about this, I feel so bad for her for having to stay in the system that abused her for so long and I would have loved to see her burn the whole thing down, but I hope that she at least has a sense of contentment with this title

- “I go where you go, baby” Beauyasha.... my darling loves....

- Beau’s dad??? But also Beau being the one with power over her father is so Good, I’m glad that she got justice on that front as well!

- This talk with Artagan... “I didn’t want you to be a god. I wanted you to be my friend.” and in the process my love you created divinity... maybe divinity is the friends we made along the way

- OH SHIT WE ARE GETTING ALL THE VANDRAN LORE TONIGHT I’M READY LET’S GO LET’S GO

- VANDRAN AND AVANTIKA WERE AN ITEM???

- Wait crack theory: Sabian was a half elf right? Could he be the son of Vandren and Avantika? Or is that too much of a stretch? 

- Vandran going with them!!! Also I feel like that moment between Fjord and Vandran was lowkey a tease to a post-campain Uk’otoa one shot and I am ready for it already 

- THIS BEAUYASHA MOMENT... “i’ve never known anyone as deeply as i know you” & “explore every bit of you in multiple ways ;)” & “your past doesn’t scare me, it only makes you beautiful” .... this is so much they are so much i love them so much

- “I will have you and then some” Beauyasha   😭

- I’m torn between “oh my god there’s still half an hour left?” and “how is there only half an hour left??”

- “You will let this Skyspear live at least?” oh my god so Yasha killed the last Skyspear then? Oof...

- YASHA GIVING ZUALA(’S GRAVE) THE BOOK OF FLOWERS, OH DEAR HEART

- And Beau’s talk to Zuala about being the luckiest woman alive and sacrifice.... 😭  

- PLANTING FLOWERS AT ZUALA’S GRAVE... “NO BETTER GRAVE MARKER” THIS IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL, I KNOW I’VE SAID THIS A LOT THIS EPISODE BUT THIS TRULY IS SO BEAUTIFUL

- So... I may or may not be crying again

- Shadowgast with a steel chair??

- Caleb’s plan for saving his parents... it’s clear he has thought of this so much, oh my darling love  😭

- Caleb burning down his chance to change his past is so symbolic and something he really needed to do, it does make me emotional though

- The other book was him writing to his parents?? Oh bby boy  😭  

- While I would have loved for Caleb to open his own magic school (especially with Essek, or the Mighty Nein, or someone else as well), I am so pleased that he stays with Veth and that their friendship continues for the rest of their life because again: they mean so so much to me, and in a way they remind me of me and my biological brother (which I never realized before this episode) and yeah. They just make me Emo

- Also. Caleb being a professor was my Number One Endgame Hope for him and the fact that it came true is just so surreal in the best way possible. I’m so used to being robbed of happy endings. The fact that the Mighty Nein all got theirs makes me incredibly happy. A story does not have to be sad to be impactful. Happy stories and happy endings, especially during a time period of tumultuous real life circumstances, have just as much value and meaning and they always will. Caleb is teaching the next generation magic, and he is teaching them to be Good, and he is nurturing them, and that just means so much

- MATT CRYING IS GONNA GET TO ME

- “Let’s do it again” Please, let’s.

- Okay, everyone. I made it all seven hours in one piece with surprisingly minimal tears (though who knows, this might all sink in tomorrow.) I already wrote my thoughts earlier today about how much the Mighty Nein mean to me and how much this show and these characters have kept me holding on during quarantine and today... I’m still not ready to let them go, but I know that I can always revisit to say hello and to say thank you for changing me. Until then though... I love you all more than you could ever know. And for the last time of Campaign 2... is it Thursday yet?

Good night 💗

[strawbunniiee]

A Girl and a Ghost Ch 5. Precious Rose

SOOOO this one is a bit lengthy!! there’s a bit of blood, a lil language, so fair warning! oh yeah and HEHEHE SPOILER ALERT THERE’S SOME TASTY PHANTOMEACH MWAHAHAHHAA

i had a LOT of fun writing the phantom and peach fluff hehehe ;)

dont worry!! this definitely won’t be the last chapter either, there’s still gonna be more of my cheesy fic sjfndkfd

hope you enjoy!! @salamifuposey @monsterbride99 just letting these lovely hooman beans know that this chapter exists!!

Jawaii had her arms raised, ready to slice King Boo to ribbons, but the king blasted her back into a wall.

Jawaii had the wind knocked out of her lungs as she slid to the floor.

Phantom rushed to Jawaii's side, picking up her petite body. His eyes became a deep, dark blood red as he shot a murderous glare at King Boo.

"She didn't even stand a chance." he smirked.

Phantom charged a blast of blue fire in his palm. "DIE!" he screamed, hurling it at the king with all of his might.

He had attempted to avoid it, but he wasn't fast enough. The ball engulfed him in flames as he screamed.

The king flung a fireball from his cracked crown, but due to his crown being damaged, it spiraled out of control, which hit Phantom in the process but also set the attic ablaze. He gasped and grabbed Peach's body.

Jawaii regained her breath and jumped off of Phantom.

"JAWAII, NO!"

She didn't listen, instead she ran to King Boo and aimed to tackle him. She phased right through him and onto the floor. This just made him guffaw.

"YOU IDIOT! OH, YOU MORONS JUST MAKE ME LAUGH!"

Phantom began to inhale, gathering air in his body to let out the loudest, most powerful opera scream he had ever sung.

King Boo saw this as an opportunity to take Peach back from Phantom. The ghost Rabbid glanced over at Jawaii in panic, as if begging her to do something.

Jawaii leaped up while the king was distracted and stabbed him, taking great effort to make it as painful as possible for him. It cut open his skin, creating a massive gash on the side of his face, bleeding out a strange blood-like substance, perhaps ectoplasm.

The king let out a monstrous howl as he fell over onto the floor screaming, his hands over the gash.

Then, Phantom finally let out his scream, after inhaling so much air he felt like he was about to explode. It was a force so strong, so powerful that it blew a massive hole in the attic, blowing the bleeding king far away, all the way to the swamps in Spooky Trails.

Both of their ears rung from the noise.

Peach began to slowly wake up. Phantom picked up Jawaii and burst out of the hole in the manor, taking the three of them away.

———

Peach screamed when she fully woke up.

"Wh-where am I? Who are you? ...Oh. Mr. Tom?... what happened?" the princess sputtered out, deeply confused by what was happening. "All I remember is... King Boo taking me away, and then... nothing. And... who's the little girl?"

Phantom's face turned red and his eyes widened as he shyly looked away, blushing. "Ah, w-well... Princess, it's a rather complicated st-story, you see,—"

"Phantom, why don't you and I tell her what happened together? Maybe it'll be a lot easier that way!" Jawaii chimed in cheerfully.

Phantom smiled at Jawaii. "I suppose you're quite right!"

The two happily retold Peach everything that had happened, complete with how the two became friends, their adventure in Spooky Trails, leading all the way up to them rescuing her from King Boo.

"Oh my goodness, what a story! It sounds very scary but exciting at the same time! I'm glad that you're safe and sound, though!" beamed Peach.

Phantom blushed yet again. "Oh, why thank you dear Princess! I'm quite happy you went on unscathed as well."

"Hang on a sec, you know this lady Phantom? She seems very nice!" asked Jawaii.

"O-oh, yes yes! I do know her. We're, erm, friends." Phantom said quickly.

Jawaii squinted suspiciously at him. "You seem super awkward in front of her. Do you have a crush on her or somethin'?"

Phantom's face was a bright red tomato at this point. "N-no, that's preposterous, o-of course not! Why, no male and female can be t-together without people believing that they are lovers!"

Peach giggled a bit. Jawaii grinned mischievously.

"You know, Jawaii has a point. Do you have a crush on me..?" asked Peach.

"...N-no, it's just hot out here. I act a b-bit strangely when it's scorching hot like this!" It was actually quite cold that morning, contrary to Phantom's statement. "Oh, and would you look at th-that, we're here already!"

They had made it to the silent castle in the early hours of the morning. The sun had not even come up yet, still pitch black and silent. Phantom set Peach and Jawaii down gently.

"...Thank you so much for saving me from King Boo, Tom." Peach gave Phantom a gentle kiss on the cheek. His face violently blushed as he had a look of sheer surprise on his face, his jaw hanging open. Jawaii couldn't help but snicker at the look on Phantom's face.

"I... oh my! I wasn't e-expecting that, my princess." Phantom stammered.

Peach simply just smiled. "Would you like me to get you a room to stay in for the rest of the night? You two must be very exhausted after your dangerous adventure together!"

"That would be very much appreciated!"

"Oh... Jawaii? Should I tell your parents where you are...?" asked Peach, concerned.

Oh crud, I totally FORGOT about that. thought Jawaii.

"Uhhhhh... I'm sure they're fine! I'll just come back when the sun's up!"

"All right, then. I'll be right back in just a moment!" Peach walked off.

Phantom went silent.

"Hey uh... now that she isn't here... do you actually have a crush on her?" asked Jawaii.

Phantom looked around and whispered in Jawaii's ear. "To be completely honest, yes. I do. She's the most beautiful, kind woman I have ever met... and thanks to King Boo bringing back the memories of my past life, I know that I had spent my past life attempting to get her to notice me. But it had resulted in my demise."

"First of all, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, no shit Sherlock, for a theater nerd you're a TERRIBLE liar y'know." she teased lightheartedly. "Second of all, ouch... that really sucks. But hey! In this life you befriended her!"

Phantom sighed. "I wish so dearly that we could be together. I tried so hard in my past life, I sacrificed so much to get her to notice me... but that red capped demon had gotten in the way countless times. And worst of all... he and Peach are together."

Phantom began to softly sob, his hands over his face in despair. Jawaii slowly walked over and gave him a hug.

"Aw... I'm so sorry about that... But my mom says it's not good to bottle up emotions. Maybe you should tell her how you feel..?" she suggested.

Phantom just stared in silence for a few moments before he finally responded. "...Perhaps."

"Maybe I could help you with it!"

"...No, i-it's best for me to simply just... tell her. I've known her for quite a while now, but I've mostly been too nervous to do as much as speak to her."

Jawaii hugged him again, even tighter than the last time. "I'm here for you, best friend." she smiled.

Phantom hugged back. "...Thank you, Jawaii."

After a few minutes, Peach came back in to tell them that their room was ready.

"Sorry about the wait! We had a few issues... come on in, it's much comfier in here than it is out there. It's so cold out." she said.

"Oh! You're all right, Princess."

Peach escorted the two into the castle and into their room. Just like outside, the castle was very dark. It had little to no light other than the light of the stars and moon softly shining through the windows.

When they arrived, Peach opened the door. The room was very tidy and had very expensive looking furnishings, and two extremely fluffy beds with plentiful amounts of pillows and blankets. Jawaii gasped and immediately began to jump on the bed. Phantom and Peach laughed a bit at Jawaii's antics.

"Well, sweet dreams you two. You both deserve it after the adventure you've had tonight! And thank you both again for saving me... that was such a terrifying experience. No matter how many times I get kidnapped, it's always so scary."

She smiled and blew them both kisses. Phantom blushed.

"Ah... you're welcome, Peach. Bonne nuit."

Peach smiled and closed the door. She went back off to bed happily.

"What the shit did you say to her? Bun... bon-nue. What?" Jawaii asked, deeply confused.

Phantom quietly chuckled. "Bonne nuit. It's French for good night."

"The heck's a French?"

"Heh heh. Perhaps I shouldn't be laughing, for you're an alien child. You don't know everything about Earth and that's understandable!"

"No, it's okay. I like to make people laugh. 'Cuz it means I made them happy!" replied Jawaii.

Phantom smiled at Jawaii once more. "We should get some rest, my child. We've had a very long day. Bonne nuit, Jawaii." He laughed a bit at his own joke.

Jawaii smiled. "Nighty night, Phantom." She yawned and stretched and sprawled out on her bed, quickly falling asleep within a matter of minutes.

Phantom, however, lay awake in his bed, thinking about what Jawaii had told him to do. He tossed and turned, pondering his decision. His heart throbbed, wondering what would happen.

Then, he decided.

He was going to tell her tonight. He had figured that he may as well get it over with now.

He nervously got out of bed and quietly phased through the walls to get to Peach's bedroom, where she had still laid awake. She was slightly startled by Phantom seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

"Oh! Tom? Is there... something you need?" she asked

"Well... there is something I must tell you. I've hidden it from you for so long... because I was afraid of being rejected, I suppose." he admitted.

"Oh... Well, what is it?"

"I know that you are already taken... b-but..." Phantom covered his blushing face with his hands, and forced himself to finally choke out the words.

"I l-love you."

He knew that this was the end. She was going to kick him out of her castle... or far worse.

But her response shocked him down to his very gramophone.

"Well... if I'm completely honest, I have feelings for you too. That peck on the cheek earlier... was something I've wanted to do for a long time." she smiled and looked away a bit.

Phantom stared dumbfounded at her. He couldn't believe it. "B-b-but, you— and M-Mario—" he stammered.

"Oh, that's just a rumor that goes around... everybody seems to think that! He's still a very close friend of mine, and I'm so glad he's saved me so many times."

"Erm... speaking of that... King Boo told me something about myself that not even I had known. I... I was a human once. I wanted so badly for you to notice me... each time you were kidnapped, I always attempted to save you... but my attempts were futile, for Mario always saved you before I ever could. But one day, King Boo trapped you in a painting... and for the first time, I had arrived in time to save you. Unfortunately, he had killed me and sealed my soul inside a gramophone. I had forgotten about this previous life... until he had told me. Then all of the memories rushed inside me. Saving you had felt... like I had finally fulfilled my goal." he explained.

"...Actually... now that I think of it, I do remember a handsome young man who had clothes not different than yours who had come to save me from him. I remember his beautiful deep voice... with that accent... it was your voice! Your voice was always so familiar to me...but I could never figure out where I heard it."

Phantom's face turned red from the complements. "P-princess, please stop flattering me..."

She giggled. "You haven't become any less handsome than you were as a human, you know."

Before Phantom could respond, she kissed him again. This time, on the lips.

The two kissed under the pale morning moonlight shimmering down into the room.

[nightwingshero]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @simonxriley thank you!!

1: Why did you choose your url?

Because I love Nightwing and I figured he deserved someone to sweep him off his feet for once. And considering what DC had done to him...he needs a hero, let’s be honest.

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.  

I don’t have the organization capabilities to do that, to be honest. I’m organized but in my own, chaotic way. Ideally, I would have set blogs for specific fandoms I have OCs for, to try and spread it out a bit (putting SOA and PB together, making a specific one just for Dragon Age, etc), but that would take time and energy that I don’t honestly have. 

3: How long have you been on tumblr?  

Uhhhhh...I’ve been on and off over the years, but I guess I’ve been active since the summer of 2019.

4: Do you have a queue tag?  

Yes! It’s “i queue you pikachu”, because I wanted to do something clever and I thought it was cute. Plus, I love Pokemon. It’s easier for me to have a queue because I’m just not as active as I used to be. My lack of being able to message back shows that. But I do my best to somehow navigate the dumpster fire of my blog and dash. 

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was bored, needed something to focus on, and such. I hate Facebook, don’t really use Snapchat or Instagram, and I steer clear of Twitter, so I said “ehhh, why not?”

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Honestly, it’s one of my most cherished commissions I’ve gotten, and it’s Wren and John...and Wren is like, one of my favorite OCs I have. And just seeing her in her Nemesis glory with John is just...peak her and it makes me so damn happy. @witchesconstellation did such an amazing job with her, I may or may not have cried a bit when I got it. So much symbolism and such gorgeous colors. I don’t know if I ever really wanna change it, to be honest. That might be my icon for the unforeseeable future. 

7: Why did you choose your header?  

Also a cherished commission I received from @savbakk for Wren’s dark baptism! A favorite scene of Wren’s canon that was brought to life beautifully and I still can’t stop staring at it, so it stays as my header. I smile every time I go to my page.

8: What’s your post with the most notes?  

I think it’s my Judgement post with the Nemesis commission? I haven’t really checked, but I wanna say that it’s that one. 

9: How many mutuals do you have?  

I genuinely have no idea.

10: How many followers do you have?  

I haven’t really checked, probably more than I deserve lol. 

11: How many people do you follow?  

Uhhhhh....too many....

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

Sure have! And it probably won’t be my last. 

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

Mostly every day. Sometimes I’ll go a few days without it though.

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

With a blog? Eh, no, not really. But I’ve been caught in discourse and have ran into my fair share of fandom bullies, that I just learned to block and focus on me and my own content. Because it makes me happy and that’s all that should really matter, right?

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

That’s like someone driving behind me and riding my ass to make me go faster. It’s not going to happen, in fact, I will absolutely drive slower because of it. It’s unfortunate, most of the time, I would normally reblog them until that little comment pops up and I’m just....sigh.

16: Do you like tag games?  

Sure! They can be fun and I love being tagged!

17: Do you like ask games?  

Absolutely, I do. I welcome asks regardless. 

18: Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I feel really bad for saying it, but I don’t really pay that much attention? Like, I genuinely support y’all, and you guys have killer content. You’re legendary to me, but I don’t really know the popularity level they have. I know I have a few close friends that have very well-known ocs though. I don’t know if that counts. 

19: Do you have a crush on a mutual?  

No, not really. 

20: Tags

@strafethesesinners @water-writings @playstationmademe @witchofinterest @chyrstis @iamnotyourmusebitch @minilev @smithandrogers @jackiesarch @glowwormsmith @geronimo-11 @johnsrevelation @adelaidedrubman @clairercdfields @athenalillystar @foxyb0xes @shellibisshe @skitzo-kero and anyone else who wants to share!

[goldendoodling]

For the headcanons meme, uhhhhh.... Bard, Miriam, or both- dealer’s choice

Okay, this took way longer than I thought it would, but here it is! Some of my Wandersong headcanons!

There are probably people who have thought of these ideas before me, but I thought it would be cool to share anyways! I chose Bard because I couldn't think up enough headcanons about Miriam to fill the sheet.

Headcanon A: realistic

Bard likes hanging out with birds or other animals when they're feeling upset. The birds enjoy Bard's singing and Bard can talk about their problems without any fear of making someone else upset too, so it's a win-win.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Bard is actually not that great at cooking. They know how to make some small things, but nothing big. They have been learning how to cook from their neighbors as well as Sapphire, so, while most of what they cook still ends up as messes, they are starting to get better.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

When Miriam was struck by lightning, Bard thought she had died for a few minutes. It would be easy to assume that since she not only was hit by lightning, but also fell from a great distance off of the ground. She ended up being alright in the end, but that didn't stop Bard from being a bit overprotective of her for quite a while after that.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Bard can actually hear the background music! This makes it much easier to randomly sing a tune whenever they want, since they always have one playing in their head. Unfortunately, no one else seems to be able to hear the music, so they've gotten more than a few odd looks when mentioning it.

[juju-on-that-yeet]

Oh please, yes!!! I am a lover of whump, and hurt comfort, and I definitely have idea in mind. Like Dr. Iplier and someone (Yan) like gets out of control (emotionally or physically) and they have to be sedated... and it’s just Dr. Iplier comforting them while they slowly drift off against their will...

I like your style, Anon ;) So much so that I already wrote something like that in Chapter 9 of Unravel. But since that fic is (very) long and you may not want to read eight chapters of context, I also wrote a little something here, as a treat :3c Hope you like it!

~

The building is silent.

All the egos, young and old, weak and strong, have shut themselves in their bedrooms, doors locked. Every important room is closed off. The greenhouse, the library, the control room, all of it locked and inaccessible.

The reason for this lockdown begins with Dark. He’s off on a business trip, but it’s been hours since anyone’s heard from him. All calls and texts have gone unanswered. The countless messages in his answering machine, if heard, have not gotten a response. He is probably busy with meetings, or the phone’s battery has died, or his phone has been lost or stolen. There’s any number of reasons for Dark to be ignoring messages, and him being injured or dead is the very least likely.

The reason for this lockdown ends with Yandere.

When he has no information to go off, he defaults to the worse-case scenario. His imagination is too active, his fear is too powerful, his rage is unstoppable. He staggers through the halls of Ego Inc., eyes blazing red, the tip of his katana dragging along the wall, alternating between giggling madly and weeping messily. He’s left Dark seventeen voice messages and texted him forty-two times. As far as he knows, Dark is dead in a ditch, and his mind can’t handle it. He’s out for blood, something to take his suffering out on. He’s already taken a slice out of Silver Shepherd for trying to talk him down. The other egos hide so they don’t suffer the same.

In the clinic, the two egos closest to Yandere discuss the situation.

“What now?” asks Dr. Iplier, keeping quiet lest Yandere hear him. “Everyone’s in a panic, and I’m reduced to texting King on how best to bandage Silver’s stab wound. He’ll hurt someone else eventually if we don’t stop him.”

“Maybe I could try talking to him,” says Wilford, only giving the situation half the gravity it deserves. “He’s just scared, I can help him feel better.”

“We both know the only person who could get through to him now is Dark,” Dr. Iplier mutters, thinking, “Unless he suddenly calls Yandere back, we’ll...we’ll have to subdue him somehow.”

“I can’t keep him in my void,” Wilford muses, frowning, “It’d tear him apart in an hour.”

“We could get him in his room and barricade it,” Dr. Iplier says, “But there’s no guarantee he won’t find a way out through the vents, or hurt himself if he can’t.”

They think.

“I think...” Dr. Iplier finally sighs, “That he has to be sedated. I can strap him down while he’s out, and he won’t be able to hurt anyone or himself. It should hold until Dark gets back to us.”

“Does that mean I’m on distraction duty?” Wilford asks.

“More like grabbing duty, if you can manage it,” Dr. Iplier replies. He moves to prepare a tranquilizer. “We only have one chance. Yan won’t let his guard down with us a second time.”

Despite suggesting it, and knowing it must be done, Dr. Iplier follows behind Wilford through the halls with guilt in his heart. He doesn’t want to think of shoving the needle in his hand into his boy’s neck. But he will. He has to. His job is to do no harm, and that means subduing those who would do harm, like Yandere now.

Before long, they reach him. His head snaps toward them, but he only looks at Wilford.

“What do you want, onii-san?” Yandere growls. He perks up suddenly. “Oh, did senpai call you? Or text you?”

“Uhhhhh...yes,” Wilford decides, “He did, as a matter of fact. He wants to talk to you, actually.” He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. “He texted me, you can text him back!”

Yandere laughs, loud and long.

“Onii-san, I can text him back from here,” Yandere chuckles. He eyes narrow. “That is, I can if he’ll truly respond. But he won’t. You’re lying to me, aren’t you, onii-san?”

“Name one time I lied!” Wilford protests.

“Just now,” Yandere snarls, before lunging at Wilford.

But Wilford is ready, and he sidesteps Yandere’s downswing, using a bit of quick teleportation to get behind Yandere. Dr. Iplier barely manages to get out of the way of Yandere’s weapon. Another swing would get him for sure, but Wilford grabs Yandere’s arms before he can try. Yandere screams and struggles violently. He screams louder when he catches sight of Dr. Iplier’s tranquilizer, nearly kicking the syringe out of his hand.

“Honey, honey, calm down, please,” Dr. Iplier begs.

“Fuck you, I won’t calm down!!” Yandere hollers, still twisting in Wilford’s grip. “Yami could be hurt, he could be dead! It’s been seven hours and thirty-two minutes and five seconds since he last said anything to me! Don’t make be calm!”

“Relax, sweetheart, it’ll be easier,” Dr. Iplier tells him, drawing closer.

“Don’t make me sleep!” Yandere cries. “Don’t you get it!? This is serious! You can’t tell me to calm down when you shouldn’t be calm, either!! You can’t do this to me!”

Dr. Iplier doesn’t reply, he only comes forward with the syringe, aiming for Yandere’s neck. But at the last moment Yandere kicks out, catching Dr. Ipleir’s leg, making him buckle. The needle goes into Yandere’s shoulder instead. Yandere gasps, Dr. Iplier curses, but an injection is an injection, so Dr. Iplier pushes down the plunger and unloads the sedative into Yandere.

“Fuck you!” Yandere yells, kicking out again. Dr. Iplier manages not to get kicked again as he removes the needle.

“Why’s he still awake?” Wilford asks, “You still gave him the shot, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but in a bad spot,” Dr. Iplier mutters, “It’ll take a bit longer for it to work.”

“I hate you! I hate both of you!!” Yandere wails, but already his struggling is weaker.

“You don’t mean that, love,” Dr. Iplier murmurs. He cups Yandere’s face in his hands. “You’re upset, and you’re scared.”

“Yami could be dead,” Yandere growls, standing but not moving.

“He isn’t, sweetheart.”

“You don’t know-” Yandere gasps, and his feet give out from under him. He slumps down, only in the air by Wilford’s hands on his arms.

“Give him to me,” Dr. Iplier orders, a rush of protectiveness running through him. Wilford obeys, and Dr. Iplier lowers Yandere to the ground, holding him close.

“No,” Yandere moans, “Don’t make me, don’t make me...”

“Shh,” Dr. Iplier whispers, one arm holding Yandere as the other hand strokes his cheek, “Go to sleep, love, it’ll be alright.”

“I want Yami,” Yandere whimpers, the red fading from his eyes as sleep overpowers his anger. A tear snakes down his cheek until Dr. Iplier’s finger catches it.

“I know, Yan,” Dr. Iplier murmurs, “We’ll figure out what’s going on, I promise.”

“I...I want...” Yandere’s eyes start to close against his will, he body starts to go limp.

“Shhhh,” Dr. Iplier murmurs, still stroking his cheek, “It’s alright son, I love you.”

After a few more moments of Yandere’s eyelids fluttering, his eyes finally droop closed, and his body relaxes into Dr. Iplier’s arms. Dr. Iplier sighs shakily as he stands, carrying Yandere and ignoring the hand Wilford offers to help him up.

“Doc, are you crying?” Wilford asks, bewildered.

“Let’s just get to the clinic to strap him down,” Dr. Iplier mutters, walking away.

[acflare]

Could you imagine each Black Bull get a potential love interest?

I’m not quite sure what this question is asking, so I’m gonna answer it twice

“Do you think each Black Bull will get a potential love interest?“

I mean, I’d love that, because I’m a sucker for romances n love stories; but I dunno how probable... though we do have love interests for a good chunk of them, so maybe! 😄

“Could you come up with a potential love interest for each Black Bull?“

- Asta -

Noelle Rebecca

I love love Astelle, but thinking only about Asta, I think Rebecca is a really good match for him. She’s incredibly put together and part of a large family (whom she loves)

- Noelle -

Asta

Asta is overflowing with positivity and love and he is not afraid to show it, which would be amazing for Noelle -- yknow, because of her upbringing. Plus, she already likes him!

- Yami -

Charlotte

Yami likes strong women, and she’s strong, beautiful, and also head over heels for him. Charlotte also doesn’t sacrifice compassion for strength (unlike Mereoleona) so is also a good match for Yami’s soft side. 

- Finral -

Vanessaaaaa

Yes, Finesse deserves the nicer of the brothers from being sold off as a political bargaining chip, but for Finral, he has such a good, positive relationship with Vanessa! Finral is more lawful while Vanessa is more chaotic, both of them are full of compassion for their friends, and both of them enjoy being laid back.

- Vanessa -

Finral

Vanessa may have gotten out of the Witch’s Forest due to the strong-willed Yami, but she’s developed such a will of her own, somebody more submissive like Finral is a better match for her now imo. That and despite his submissiveness Finral would not hesitate to voice his opinion if he thought Vanessa was doing something insane. Also all of the reasons listed above.

- Magna -

uhhhhhh

Okay so Magna is full of energy and love so he’d pretty much match well with anybody not mean-spirited or emotionally constipated to the point that they don’t even show their feelings around their S/O

- Luck -

MAGNA!!!

Magna is full of so much love that Luck needs dearly!!! Magna’s also super expressive, which would hopefully rub off on Luck so he can communicate his emotions better to his friendss

- Gauche -

Grey

Grey is low-energy and low self-esteem so Gauche is forced into showing off his best qualities around her -- She makes him supportive -- angry supportive, but we rarely see Gauche having a positive interaction with anybody, so 👌 That and they’re a heckin power couple -- Grey’s ridiculously diverse magic and Gauche’s tactical abilities really go hand in hand.

- Charmy -

Rill?

Okay hear me out: Charmy has proven she will not and cannot be tamed. Yuno would not support her insane antics, but Rill would support her all the way (unless it hurt others, in which we saw he actually has the power to stop her) Disaster couple

- Grey -

Gauche!

Okay, maybe somebody a bit softer would be good, but before her backstory was revealed I was ready to yell at her for all of her squeaking and hiding too, so Maybe Gauche is able to yell through all of her negative self-talk? idk how psychology 🤷‍♀️

- Gordon -

David? Puli?

We gotta get this boy somebody kind and full to the brim with energy -- somebody that’ll drag him along to parties and incorporate him into conversations

- Henry - uhhhhh Asta but older?

Henry hasn’t had very much screentime relative to the others, but his LI would definitely have to be overflowing with positive energy, that’s for sure. A good storyteller would definitely be a plus, somebody who doesn’t need to leave for days to come up with something interesting to tell Henry

 - Zora -

Embla

okay so I’ve actually tried to find somebody for Zora before and failed badly so I mad e  an OC........ Zora’d have a hard time taking to anybody higher ranking than a commoner, and he’d need somebody more in touch with their feelings than him (but maybe not so high energy to make him hide further in his shell?)

- Nero -

Lemiel 😭

Asta sure has the blind optimism down but I feel like Nero needs somebody more intellectual than our darling meathead... though that’s probably the wrong term -- Lemiel seems inventive, but perhaps not all that bright 😂

- Nacht -

?

Well, ‘a good person’ kinda goes without saying, unless we’re lookin for a hateship, lol. There’s lots of mystery around Nacht, but I’m really getting an intentional hypocrisy vibe from him, so we’d need somebody soft, chill, and compassionate to slowly pull him out of his angsty edgepit 

Whether what you were actually asking got answered or not, I’m a shipper so I had a blast writing this 😅

[thesixthstar]

Primes, character(s) of your choice

I'm gonna answer these for whichever character(s) I have the most interesting/relevant answers for:

2. Do they consider themselves an optimist? Pessimist? Realist? What are they like in actuality?

Nydra (drow moon cleric) is optimistic pretty much as part of her religion/is part of her religion because she is optimistic. She wants to believe the best of everyone and give everyone as many second chances as is practially possible

3. How do they carry themselves around strangers? Friends/Lovers? Family?

I'm not the *best* at roleplaying personalities vastly different from my own, so most of my characters, when they're around friends act as silly and rambly as I tend to be around my own friends. The main exception to this is HILDA (pissed off robot), who is the most different-from-myself character I've ever played, despite falling very firmly into the universal law of "DND is about projection". She is extraordinarily blunt, and always says things with as few words as possible. She's not comfortable with many people, but with those people, she's way more willing and able to admit she's not 100% confident and correct in her life philosophy, as opposed to the rest of the time, where she's not willing to entertain the idea that someone else might be right....

5. How does your character express they’re comfortable?

Leanora (chaotic stupid rogue) stops trying to impress people when she's comfortable. This is when all her worst ideas get to see the light of day.

7. How impulsive is your character?

As mentioned a moment ago, Leanora is a factory of the worst ideas you could possibly imagine. She doesn't just do stupid things without consulting the party usually (bc that can be a very un-fun table dynamic) but this is the character who goes to the local magic school, and buys the student's not-quite-right-but-not-disastrously-failed potions homework. This has resulted in hilarity and messes and she's been turned to stone by one of them.

11. How does your character blow off steam?

HILDA is definitely the character with the most steam to blow off, being filled with existential dread and rage at all times as she is. While she is in denial about a lot of it, you can really see a lot of that being expressed in incredible violence! There's a lot of grenades to be thrown, and a lot of uhhhhh needless cruelty in how she deals with organic life forms.

M'artha Stu'art, another half elf rogue, whose character concept is "housewife who finally fucking lost it and ran off to become an adventurer" also likes to indulge in violence, but also she does a lot of stress baking! Luckily her campaign setting involves a lot of access to ovens, so a lot of times she'll provide the party with delicious pies and cookies.

13. If they were a body of water, what would they be?

Nydra would be a lake, I think.

17. Does your character swear? What’s their favorite phrase/word?

Leanora has lots of reasons to go "oh sit. fuckfuckfuck noooooo" a lot.

19. How does your character act when they want to seem threatening?

HILDA goes with brute violence and a lot of looming over people. The rest of my characters tend go for leverage rather than "threats of bodily harm" when they need to intimidate, partly because I don't tend to play beefy lads (or beefy non lads).

23. Would your character want to be famous? Why or why not?

The only character I have that might want to be famous is my recently-created tiefling bard, Disco.

29. What does your character have too much of?

HILDA canonically has an endless supply of grenades. This may be too many.

31. Can your character visualize actual concepts in their head? Or are they just vague thoughts?

I personally really struggle to literally visualize images, and can't relate to people who can, so all my characters are like that too lol

37. What are some ways your character acts silly?

Leanora is trying to establish folklore about a minor god(dess) of soup. Any time the party is sleeping at an inn, she'll "spread the good word", especially if the inn serves a really good soup or stew.

Mercy (idiot Changeling sorcerer traveling with an evil party) will prank the warlock, by placing little toy spiders everywhere

41. What’s a texture/sound your character cannot stand?

I have misophonia and therefore so do all my characters. Disco hates anything dirty or slimy.

43. Is your character good at apologizing? Why or why not?

HILDA will never admit she has done anything wrong. Ever. Leanora will nope right out of the consequences of her actions mostly (or try to solve them by usually making a bigger problem).

Nydra can get a little single-track-mind, and when she realizes this in retrospect, she's usually OK about apologizing.

47. Do they consider themselves funny? How do they use humor?

Leanora truly uses humor as a defense mechanism. This is because DND Is About Projecting.

HILDA usually claims that humor is a stupid things that humans do, but when she occasionally has a zinger to contribute, she considers herself a comedic genius.

53. What does freedom mean to them?

One of Leanora's base ideals is freedom, in the sense of not letting anyone tell you jack shit about yourself. Her backstory is not Full Tragedy, but it involves a lot of her mentor and her social circle kind of telling her "this is how the world is, and this is how you need to act to live in it, and the fact that you're here means you're this kind of person", and the reason she's an adventurer is to prove to herself that it isn't true.

59. What’s something your character has realized?

We stopped playing this campaign shortly before HILDA actually realized this, but she was about to realize that, not only is gender fake even in general, but she's literally a robot and it doesn't even make sense for her to have a gender, she was just programmed with "female" as part of the concept of her existence. Her name is also uhhh, not a name. Its an acronym that stands for Household Integrated Live-in Domestic Assistant, and there are millions of HILDA units out there. The realization that she doesn't even have a name just a designated label, its like a toaster coming to life and continuing to just be called "toaster". The realization that she had been using a human designation that quite literally objectifies her, and the idea that this weird notion of gender had been foisted upon her without any input of her own and she had just gone with it without questioning that until now. That realization was gonna be a doozy.

I did not intend for HILDA to be this, but she accidentally became a way for me to look at my own agender feels. I really wish I had gotten to play more of that campaign for a number of reasons, but this is one of em. I also did a little bit of Agender Feels with Mercy the changeling sorcerer, but its less intrinsic to her character.

61. Who do they go to when they’ve had a nightmare?

It's cliche, but Nydra prays. Lately, though, the moon might be Fake, so she's not sure really where to go with things like that at the moment.

67. Selflessness or Self-Preservation?

Nydra is all about selflessness, and kind of struggles when she has to think of herself first, even when it means she's preserving herself so she can do More Good later. she's the asshole in the trolley problem who throws herself in front of the trolley to stop it, though she knows thats kind of also a flaw a lot of the time.

HILDA and Mercy are 100% self preservation, and M'artha is like 65% self preservation at least.

Leanora is very "por que no los dos" about everything, and tries to loophole her way into a Both answer whenever possible.

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.