#I made this over a month ago and forgot to post it.. oops lol

[necromeowncy]

Height difference hugs, save me...

[measuredingold]

to be in love and to be loved

chapter five: the liars club

authors note: helllooo ! i meant to post this last night but forgot... oops ! anyways, new chapter yay ! it was fun writing this and it's mainly in noah's pov. some parts hurt me to write so sorry for any pain caused ? feelings are just hard to figure out. anyways, as always enjoy and feedback is always appreciated :)

pairing: noah sebastian x ofc x nicholas ruffilo

masterlist / cross-posted on ao3

word count: 8.6k

cw: ~kissing~, angst, feelings not being understood, someone (noah) is stubborn and emotional, some yelling during an argument, sexual identity crisis has begun lol, 18+ (minors do not interact.)

Noah wakes up the next morning confused, with a raging fucking headache, and alone. It freaks him out at first, the feeling of the cold bed sheets against his fingertips when he reaches out causing his heart rate to spike, but then he sees his bedroom door ajar. His heart slows down, only briefly, and he groans as he wipes a hand down his face. 

If he's being completely honest, he feels like he got run over about 50 times last night by a goddamn bus, and he can't even remember it. How much did he drink last night? With another groan he rolls over in his bed, face burying into the pillow next to him. He tries to sort through his mind around what exactly happened yesterday, but the only things he can remember are the moments leading up to the bar and then… nothing.

He remembers being on edge all day, freaked out of his fucking mind because he needed everything to go exactly as he planned because if it didn't he'd probably lose it. This wasn't their first show, no, but this was their first album. First time people were coming out to a show to see them specifically, excited to listen to the album they'd been anticipating for months now. He almost made himself sick at one point yesterday.

He remembers that it went way better than he ever expected. The crowd's energy was something he'd never experienced before, and there was no better feeling than having people actually sing your words back to you. He's been working at this for so long and he finally feels like this is exactly where he's supposed to be. Making music for people like him, searching for something that makes them feel like they belong. 

Then he remembers all the congratulations, the pictures, the first few shots at the bar... and that's about it.

He's sure it was just a regular night out for them - throwing back shots and enjoying each other's company - but there's this nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him he's missing something important. He doesn't dwell on it for too long, thought fleeting the very second Naomi steps back into his room. 

Wet curls wrapped up in a towel on top of her head, adorn in one of his old shirts that he's sure she had stolen years ago. All warm and clean and probably smelled amazing, like lavender. One of her favorite scents. He remembers her telling him that it was a smell that brought her comfort, easing her anxiety. She shuts the door behind her quietly and he assumes it's because she thinks he's still asleep, and his assumption was correct when she turned around and yelped.

"Shit!"

Noah can't help but laugh, pressing his face further into the pillow. 

"You suck." Naomi whines out, but he can hear the smile in her voice. "I thought you were asleep."

"I just woke up." He grumbles, followed by a yawn, and flops onto his back. "I thought you were gone."

Her gaze softens as she makes her way towards the bed, and Noah waits for her to sit before throwing an arm around her waist, face burying against her thigh. He practically purrs at the feeling of her fingers immediately tangling in his hair and his eyes flutter shut. He could fall back asleep just like this.

"Why'd you think I was gone?"

"Bed was empty and cold." His voice was muffled as he pressed his face further into her thigh, wanting to be as close as possible. "Thought you left me."

"I would never." He hears Mimi hum above him, and he smiles to himself at the giggle she lets out. She scratches at his scalp again and it takes everything in him to not moan out in pleasure, the feeling having his eyes flutter shut again. 

Seriously, if it weren't the consistent pounding behind his eyes, he would've fallen back asleep already.

"Head hurts." Noah grumbles, reluctantly pulling away from her to bury his face against the pillow beside her legs. "How much did I drink last night?"

"You don't remember?" There's something behind her voice, an edge that wasn't there before, and if he wasn't battling this headache right about now he'd question it, but doesn't. 

Instead he shakes his head, sighing out, "No. I don't really remember much."

The silence that follows doesn't make the ever growing pit in his stomach ease any at all, and there's a nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him something happened and he needs to remember it now, but he's so tired. He'll try to remember later. He feels Naomi shift next to him and clear her throat, and he peeks open an eye to watch her get up off the bed.

"I'll get you some water and Ibuprofen, okay? Fix that headache of yours." She's speaking so fast, that edge still there, and it has Noah opening both of his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Okay."

His stomach drops at the smile she gives him, one that doesn't quite meet her eyes and very much strained before she slips out the door. He falls back the second it shuts, eyes trained to the ceiling. What happened last night that has Mimi acting so... weird? He tries to search through his hazy memories of the night before but nothing comes up. It's as if whatever happened was completely wiped from his memory. 

He tries telling himself that it's nothing, that he just drank way too much and maybe said something a bit out there in front of too many people and that's why Naomi is acting weird. Maybe she doesn't want to embarrass him? He knows he can say some outlandish shit when he's drinking. He covers his face with his arm, groaning quietly to himself.

Everything’s fine. It was nothing... right? 

...

Something's off.

Noah would say these last few days have been fine, great even. The response to their album was amazing, people were loving it. In hindsight, everything was literally perfect. Except... it wasn't? He couldn't exactly put a finger on it, but the uneasiness from a few days ago still lingered, making a home in the pit of his stomach.

Naomi had been acting weird still, though he thinks she seemed more on edge than anything. He assumed it was because she was leaving tomorrow, and the edge was the sadness seeping out into the real world. He tried his best to mask his own sadness, hating that he has to see her leave again, but he's telling himself that they won't go as long without seeing the other again. That'll make it easier.

Jolly seems to be normal. Nothing off balance with the Swede. He’s always been kind of odd, anyways. Folio the same way. Now that he thinks about it, those two actually seem to really be the only people he's encountered the last few days. His brows furrow as his mind thinks back to the last few days, glimpses of the interactions slipping through his mind. 

The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the only people who truly seemed off were... Naomi and Nicholas. His stomach turns, the unease creeping through his veins when he realizes he's barely seen Nicholas at all since their album release. 

He's barely left his room, door shut at all times, and Noah tries to think of the times he's even seen the male leave. His mind races, thinking of all the possibilities on why Nicholas was being weird, barely leaving his room and speaking to anyone - especially Noah - and for some reason his mind always wanders back to the damn bar that he still can't fucking remember. 

Why can't he remember?

Something settles in his bones, something like... fear? He's not sure what he's even scared of. Maybe it was the not knowing. If he could just fucking remember what happened that night, maybe it could give him some sort of insight on what happened and why everyone is being so fucking weird and -

"Noah?" 

His eyes moved from the television, stuck on some Netflix show he definitely had not been watching to Naomi, who was standing near the couch. She looked... anxious, for better words. Face flushed, brows furrowed, lips turned down into a frown. It's as if she was in pain, but he knew she wasn't. He knew her better than he knew himself sometimes, and he knew there was something on her mind. His stomach turns painfully.

"Yeah?" He clears his throat when his voice breaks at the end, lips pursing. "What's up?"

Naomi chews on her bottom lip, hands wringing in front of her. "...Can we talk?"

Those three words punch Noah in the chest. Can we talk? That could mean so many things. So many things that scare him, that make him think oh no, something's wrong and that the worst is about to come. He's heard it so many times before in the past, he just never expected it to be from her.

"Oh." He swallows, a lump now forming in his throat and he nods. "Yeah. Of course."

She doesn't seem to spot his panic right away and he realizes maybe he's getting better at his poker face, and comes to sit next to him. She's so close, so fucking close, but Noah feels like she's never been so far away. Their legs are brushing but she feels worlds away, not even braving a glance at him. 

He's going to be fucking sick. 

Something is wrong and he doesn't know what and he swears it has something to do with that god forsaken bar he can't remember anything about. Something happened there that made her far, out of reach, and it was obviously so bad that Nicholas won't even talk to him, and... God. 

She's going to break up with him before she leaves. 

He doesn't realize he's panting until he feels Naomi's fingers wrap around his wrists, breaking him from his thoughts.

"Hey, look at me." She sounds farther away, but she's right there, and Noah slowly manages to gaze at her. "There you are. Can you breathe with me? In, out. In, out. Just like that."

He tries to match her breathing, really does, and it isn't until he feels her nails lightly scratching against the inside of his wrists that he feels himself come back to himself. His breathing is still a bit ragged, and he thinks his eyes are burning just a bit but he blinks whatever it is away. They sit in silence for a little while longer and Noah really focuses on the way her nails feel against his skin and how soothing it actually is, and her steady breathing. 

"...I'm guessing you already know what I want to talk about?" Naomi finally speaks after a few moments of bated silence.

Noah can't exactly read her, the look in her eyes something he's never seen from her before. Was it fear? He doesn't know exactly why she would be scared, but the voice in the back of his head is yelling at him because he knows what this is about. The nagging feeling, the deep pit in his tummy... this was it. He swallows away the lump building in the base of his throat, head nodding slowly. 

"You want to break up."

He says it so definitely, his stomach dropping because this is it. This is what she's doing. This is why she's been so weird the last few days because she didn't know how to do it and let him down easy. He doesn't bother looking at Naomi, instead moves his gaze on his lap because he can't bear to see her right now. See the pitying gaze she's probably giving him, her eyes indicating that yes, this is over.

"What?" 

He finally moves his gaze up to hers and pauses at how bewildered she looks, eyes wide with confusion, full lips dipping further into a frown. This almost angers him, almost, because how dare she look confused. His head tilts to the side, eyes searching her face.

"That's what this is about, right?"

"No, baby, that's..." She sighs, brows furrowing again as her head tilts to the side. "That's not even remotely close to what I wanted to talk about." 

Noah pauses again, mind racing at her words. What did she want to talk about then, if not this? He feels her hand slip to his cheek, turning his head back to face her.

"Noah," She sighs out, frowning again, "Why would you even think that?”

He doesn't know how to respond so he shrugs instead, staring at her. Naomi scoots closer to him, their legs now pressing together, and he focuses on her bare skin against his rather than her pleading eyes.

"Baby..." Another sigh follows her words. "Talk to me. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I don't know." He eventually says, but doesn't dare to look up at her. "You've just been acting weird. Felt like I did something wrong, I don't know."

He rushes his words out, feeling his cheeks heat up at the confession. He was never good at expressing how he felt, how things bothered him. Never wanted to be a burden, too scared of the things that he may say ruining whatever he had going for him. In his time of knowing Mimi, loving Mimi, he's had to come to terms with the fact he just can't do that with her. She insists that he talk about his feelings, always telling him communication is one of her top priorities in any relationship she has - platonic and romantic. That infamous therapy talk of hers.

It was hard for Noah at first, and it still really fucking is, but he tries. He tries his hardest because he doesn't want to let her down.

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby." She's quick to respond, reaching out to place her hand on his thigh. He watches the way her fingers flex around his thigh, trying to calm down his heart that still seems to be racing. "You did nothing wrong, okay?"

"Then what's this about?" Noah doesn't stop the words from leaving him and he doesn't think twice before flicking his gaze up to hers, brown eyes round and wide. "Because when someone says they need to talk, it's usually nothing good."

He knows it's just the anxiety talking, whatever she's wanting to talk about eating at him because what the fuck could it be? If not that, then what else is there to talk about that's made her so... weird? 

"Do you remember Davis' birthday that year I couldn't go? I had to work."

He nods. "Yeah. Barely."

"Right." Naomi rolls her lips before speaking again. "Do you remember almost kissing Nick that night?"

As soon as she said it, the memory came back to him almost instantly. It was pretty shaky, the memory of Nicholas in front of him blurry, but he remembers that exact moment like it was fucking yesterday. They both drank absolutely way too much and the way Nicholas' cheeks were tinted red from the alcohol was... nice. So nice in fact Noah couldn't stop looking at him or his lips, and remembers wondering what it would be like to kiss his best friend. 

His heart pounds against his chest and he swallows down whatever lump was stuck in his throat, gazing back at Mimi.

"...Not really."

Lie. 

"Noah-"

"Okay, yes. I do. Sort of." He pauses to catch his breath, already feeling himself get worked up. "What's that have to do with anything? That was two years ago."

He hates the way she's staring at him, eyes narrowed but still gentle, as if she can see right through him, because she can. She's always been able to read him since the day they met. 

"I never knew that until you mentioned it at the bar."

His eyes widened at that. He got so drunk that night that he confessed to his girlfriend that he almost kissed their best friend? 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

"I'm sorry. It was forever ago, before we were together, it didn't mean-"

"Noah." She drops her hand from his face and holds it up, and Noah stops in the middle of his sentence, lips pressing together as he watches her. "It's okay. I don't care." 

"Oh." He feels himself sink back against the couch, relief filling his body.

Okay. Cool. She didn't care. That was good, right?

"Yeah." Naomi's voice trails and she stares off to the side, as if trying to find her next words. "Well, um. After you... mentioned that, you... Um."

Noah's eyes narrow at her. In the three years he has known Mimi, she wasn't one to stumble over her words. Usually that was his and Nicholas' jobs, stumbling through their sentences and Naomi helping them along the way.

"I... what?" His arms cross over his chest.

"You..." There was another pause and she finally looked back at him, lips pressed in a line. "We kissed."

His brows furrow. "...Okay?"

"All three of us. Kissed."

Oh.

Fuck.

Oh fuckfuckfuck.

“What?” He didn’t intend for his voice to come off so loud but he couldn’t help it, because what the actual fuck did she just say?

"We kissed."

Right. That's what he heard the first time yet it still doesn't sound fucking real. 

What does she mean they kissed? Why the fuck would that ever happen? How did it happen? Noah's gaze tears from Naomi to stare off to the side, too caught up in his own mind to even register that Naomi's gripping his hand, begging him to look at her. His chest feels heavy again, like at least ten tons of weights were just dropped on it.

We kissed. There's no way he actually kissed... no. That couldn't have happened. Noah's stomach turns. He feels hot, almost like he's going to be sick, because this didn't happen. It couldn't have happened. He would've remembered kissing his best friend... or watching his best friend kiss his girlfriend.

His face heats up at the thought.

"...Noah?"

He sucks down a deep breath to try and come back to himself,  finally looking back at Mimi. The weight on his chest lifted only slightly as their eyes met once again. He blinks.

"What?"

"Did it..." Naomi pauses and swipes her tongue over her bottom lip, and Noah can't help but follow it. "Did it mean anything?"

Noah tilts his head. "What did?"

"The almost kiss. Between you and Nicky.” 

He feels his whole-body freeze, stiffening at the implication of her words. Did it mean anything? What does it matter if it meant anything? It was years ago, back before Naomi, back before Noah knew shit about anything... back when it was just him and Nicholas. Back when the only things that meant a goddamn thing to him was his music and his best friend.

And sure, maybe there had been a time where it may have meant something to him, back when he was still learning himself, all awkward and all limbs. Back when things didn't seem to make much sense besides the fact he loved being around Nicholas, he loved his best friend. He had never really had that type of safety growing up, never felt secure, but when he was bouncing around with Nicholas, sleeping on his family's couch, in his bed, shooting the shit into the wee hours of the night with him, he remembers thinking he could live like this forever as long as it was with Nick. 

So yeah, maybe at the time it meant something. Or maybe it was the alcohol in his system that night that made him think that. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to know. 

He swallows down the lump that was beginning to form in his throat and averts his gaze from Naomi, and he misses the look she gives him. He misses the way her face drops, lips pulling down into a frown, and instead wraps his arms around his middle, curling in on himself.

It didn't mean anything.  

It couldn't mean anything. 

"No." 

It sounded like a lie. His voice wavered and he looked anywhere but Naomi, couldn't dare look at her. He felt... guilty, in a way. That even though this almost kiss was years ago, his skin prickled at the thought of it happening now and how he didn't seem to be to put off by it. His heart pounded against his chest just at the mere thought of their lips brushing and he's frozen in his spot. It happened, just a few nights ago, and he's more upset at the fact he doesn't even fucking remember it.  

Why would he even want to kiss Nicholas, anyway? Naomi was his girlfriend, sitting right next to him. She should be the only person he wants to kiss, touch. 

"...Are you sure?" 

"Of course." He spits out, then flinches because he didn't mean to sound so harsh. He gives Naomi a quick glance before letting his eyes drop again. "Why would it? Nothing even happened, anyways." 

Noah knows why. He fucking knows and it makes his stomach turn, throat close up, and he could probably throw up at any fucking second, but he chooses to ignore it, because the truth is too much. It's not like he still doesn't feel the same for Naomi, that's not it at all. She's the first person he's ever loved this hard, ever considered to be serious with, to start a life with. He knows Naomi is his endgame and has always been. 

So has Nicholas, he briefly thinks, and has to physically shake his head to put the thoughts away. 

They sit in silence for a moment, not uncomfortable, but silence nonetheless and Noah's scared to look at Naomi. Scared to find that she sees through him and his stubbornness, sees through the lies that he spits out, because he doesn't want to think about what'll come after. He can't lose Naomi and the life that they've built together, will build together. He can't lose the stableness she's brought into his life, the love she gives him when sometimes he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He can't lose his best friend - both of them. 

So, he'll continue to lie, continue to tell himself and everyone around him that it meant nothing at the time and definitely doesn't mean a goddamn thing now. 

"Noah." Naomi's voice is so soft, so gentle, he has to squeeze his eyes shut to will away the burning that it brings. "Baby, look at me." 

Her hand is on his arm now and he feels her scoot closer to him, but she's timid, keeping her space. She knows how he gets when he starts to shut down, build the walls back up around himself when things get too complicated because he hates when it starts to feel like that. He's comfortable for the first time in his life and he can't let that slip through his fingers. 

He takes a deep breath, then two, then three, and finally opens his eyes to find Naomi staring at him, brows furrowed in concern. Her hand doesn't leave him, and he relaxes ever so slightly at the feel of her thumb rubbing into his skin, trying to calm him down. Usually, she'd do the thing where she rubs at his wrists, gently scratching at the skin to bring him back down to earth like she had done earlier, but she can't with the way he has his arms wrapped around him, hands tucked away at his sides. 

"Me and Nicholas had an almost kiss, too. I told you that night but I’m assuming you don’t remember." She starts slowly and her hand moves up his arm to rest against the back of his neck, fingers digging into his skin gently to rub out any tension there. It was helping. "We didn't, though, because of you." 

"Me?" He perks up at that, but for some reason his chest aches, heart pounding again.  

Why did they stop because of him? Why was he the reason for their kiss ending before it ever even started? The guilt comes back, settling in the pit of his stomach. 

Naomi nods. "It didn't feel right... with how I felt about you and...." 

She trails off and he can tell she's choosing her words carefully, like she was leaving out something, but he doesn't say anything. Noah swallowed thickly, eyes scanning her face. 

"I..." He watches her eyes flutter shut and watches her throat bob as she swallows down whatever fear may linger there. "I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't. Well - he didn't. He asked me what about Noah? and we stopped." 

"That doesn't make any sense." The words leave him before he can even think about it. "You shouldn't have stopped because of me." 

"Yes, we should have." Her answer was quick, and Noah can only stare at her. "We should have because it wasn't fair to you." 

"Why?" He doesn't get it, or... maybe he does, but he refuses to believe what's so obviously in front of him.  

"Jesus." Naomi breathes out, a quiet laugh following. "This is a lot harder than I thought it would be." 

Her hand drops from his neck to rest back against his arm, and he watches the movements, eyes following her fingers drawing circles, tracing the artwork that was etched across his skin.  

"It wasn't fair to you because of how we felt about you." She starts off slowly, eyes dropping down to her hand. "We both cared about you so much then, and still do. At the time it was more confusing, but I think," She takes a deep breath before her eyes find him again. "I think it didn't feel right to do that with you not there. It didn't feel complete." 

Complete. They didn't feel complete without him there and that has his stomach turning, as if a thousand butterflies were let off inside of him but he can't seem to be happy about it. It can't mean what he's thinking. He refuses to even believe that because that would mean what he's feeling is true and that's impossible. 

How the hell can you love two people at once and it's fine? It sounds fucking selfish. 

"I don't..." His words trail off and he has to look away from her, her gaze becoming far too much.  

Both of her hands slide back up his neck this time, turning him back to her but he shuts his eyes before their gazes even meet. He's being stubborn, he fucking knows, but it's too much. He can't do this. Not now. 

"Noah..." 

"What?" He tries to make it sound harsh, but it instead comes out weak, voice cracking at the end. Noah opens his eyes, and the look Naomi is giving him is borderline painful, and he has to swallow down the lump in his throat once again. 

"I... liked it when we kissed the other night." She finally starts again, voice barely above a whisper. Noah averts his gaze, eyes dropping to his lap, but her hand doesn't leave his neck. "...And I think you liked it, too." 

His stomach is full of twists and turns, a voice in the back of his head telling him that she's right. Even if doesn't remember it he knows he liked it, more than he should have, and his eyes squeeze shut to try and wrack his brain around some type of memory to remind him of how it felt, but nothing comes. 

He wishes he could remember, but he can’t. So, he says the first thing that comes to his mind. 

"I... I don't know if I liked it." Lie, but he pushes through it.  

"...And that's okay. If you don't know." Naomi speaks so carefully, thumbs brushing against his skin as her eyes scan his face. "You don't need to know right now. I just needed you to know." 

"And what is it I need to know?" 

"That I liked kissing Nicholas. Far more than I probably should." She pauses, sucking in a deep breath. "And that I think you liked it too, but you don't know how to feel about it, and that's completely okay."  

They keep their eyes on each other for a moment or two, the silence slowly eating away at him. How could she know that? There's no way she could know that. Hell, Noah barely even knows that. He wishes he could fucking remember what it was like, his lips against Nicholas'. The way it felt when their lips finally met. The way it made him feel in that moment, after waiting for it for so long. He can feel goosebumps rise across his skin just at the mere thought of their lips brushing and his face flushes out of embarrassment.  

Naomi doesn't comment on it. 

"So," He clears his throat, eyes dropping again. "What does this mean?"  

"Nothing. If that's what you want."

Noah's silent, and he doesn't move his gaze from his lap. 

"I love you." Naomi presses, and she's leaning forward, lips ghosting over his cheek. "That hasn't changed and will never, ever change. I just... needed to be honest with you." There's another pause in her words and she pulls back, eyes scanning him again. "And I want you to be honest with yourself. It doesn't need to be right now, but whenever you're ready. Okay?" 

He swallows thickly again, and he thinks his eyes are burning but he refuses to even acknowledge that. His stomach twists and turns at the implication of her words and he so desperately wishes he could do that, for her, for himself, but he can't. Not yet at least. 

So instead, he nods, quietly saying, "I love you."

He hopes that's enough for her, for now, and he thinks it is when she leans in to press their lips together. It's different from the others they've shared, something else is behind it and he can't quite place it, but it only has him pressing harder against her, trying to deepen it. He loves her, with his entire being, and hopes one day he can be honest with her in the way she's wanting. 

Maybe. 

"Okay." She says once she pulls back, taking a deep breath to come back to herself. Her hands slide up and down his neck and she gives him a small smile, and this time it reaches her eyes. "Wanna help me finish packing?"

Noah nods, finally unwrapping his arms from around himself. "Yeah... I wanna help."

Her smile grows wider at that, and he actually returns it before letting her pull him up and off the couch, dragging him towards his room to finish packing for her flight tomorrow morning. He does his best to ignore the voice in his head screaming at him when they pass Nicholas' room, especially when he catches himself staring at the shut door longingly.

… 

He's pissed.

No - he's downright fucking livid.

He'd never seen such heartache in Naomi's face when he told her that Nicholas wouldn't be coming to the airport to drop her off, even though he so clearly was home, holed up in his room. She acted as if it didn't bother her, only for a second, before the tears fell. Noah swore he saw red, never once in his life being so... disappointed in his best friend. He hated anyone that made Naomi upset, and knowing it was Nicholas at the other end of this anger was something Noah's never experienced.

He kept it together for her, even when he kissed her goodbye. Especially when she asked Noah to let Nicholas know that she said goodbye, and that she'll text when she lands. The drive home was excruciating and he swears he broke several traffic laws because he couldn't stop thinking about it. What the fuck was Nicholas' problem? 

If he had been so bothered by what happened then he should say that. Noah can take the rejection - it hurts less because he doesn't exactly remember it. At least he thinks it does, but maybe this anger he's feeling is overshadowing the ache in his chest that's yearning to remember what it was like to have Nicholas' lips on his. He barely thinks about it, actually, so consumed by the anger and disappointment rising in him, he slams the front door shut. 

No one else is home. Just him, Nicholas, and an empty house. His feet move before he can even think about it, taking him up the stairs and down the hall, second door on the left. Noah swings open Nicholas' door, the latter looking up from his desk, sketch pad placed in front of him. His brows furrow at the sight of Noah, confusion written all over his face and that somewhat pisses off Noah even more. 

"What the hell is your problem?"

This surprises Nicholas, eyes widening. "What?" 

"Cut the fucking bullshit." This has Nicholas' pressing his lips together and Noah steps into his room, shutting the door behind him. He points over at Nicholas, eyes narrowing. "Mind telling me what's been up your ass this last week?"

Nicholas pauses. "Nothing."

"Sure." Noah scoffs, arms crossing over his chest. "You seriously suck at lying, dude. You always have." 

"It's nothing, Noah." Nicholas grumbles, low and annoyed, and he's swinging his chair back around to his desk, staring down at the flash sheet before him. "Just been busy."

"With what?" Noah knows he should keep it down, knowing the other guys are just in the living room, but he can't find it in himself to even care. "We fucking live together, man. I know when you're busy."

Silence.

"She was expecting you to be there, you know." Noah grits out, voice shaking. "Do you know how hard it was to watch her cry? Knowing it was over you? Really fucking hard, Nick. She wanted you there." 

Nicholas doesn't say anything to this, but Noah notices the moment his shoulders tense, his actions pausing, before picking his pen up again. 

"Oh, so you’re just not gonna say anything? How fucking mature.”

"I don't know what you want from me, Noah." Nicholas sounds defeated as he whips around in his chair, shoulders slumping forward as sad, gray eyes meet Noah's brown ones.

"I want you to tell me what the fuck is going on." He's angry, maybe irrationally so, but he doesn't care. He's pissed, hands shaking at his sides as his eyes narrowed down on his best friend.

"Nothing's going on."

"Stop lying to me!" Noah's voice booms throughout the bedroom and both boys pause, eyes widening.

Noah doesn't yell. In a song, sure, but never ever in conversation. And never at Nicholas. In the years he's known the boy, he can't really remember any argument that they've had that led to a raised voice. It was never like that with him, but maybe things have changed. A lot of things have changed.

He sucks in a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tries to calm himself down. Naomi's voice fills his mind, softly chanting in and out, in and out, in and out. He feels like he's spiraling, the anger and confusion coming to a halt inside his body and not sure how to release. He hates feeling like this, he hates being angry at Nicholas, but he can't help it. He's lying. Noah knows he's lying and he doesn't have a damn clue on why he keeps it up.

"Stop lying." He says softer now, voice wavering. "You don't need to lie."

"Yes, I do."

"If..." In, out. In, out. In, out. "If this is about the stupid fucking kiss from the other night, it's not that big of a deal."

His stomach drops the second those words leave his mouth, and he's sure Nicholas has the same feeling with the way his eyes are widening, staring at him in disbelief. 

"I remember - well, Mimi told me. But I know." He pauses. "That's it, isn't it? The kiss? You're being fucking weird because of a stupid kiss?"

It wasn't stupid. Even if he doesn't remember it he knows it wasn't, but he can't seem to stop the words tumbling from his mouth.

"Yes." Nicholas finally grits out, eyes narrowing at him. "It is about the stupid kiss."

"I knew it." Noah laughs and it's such a sad fucking sound, because he doesn't feel any better hearing those words from Nicholas. Actually, he somehow feels worse. "I fucking knew it."

Nicholas laughs now, a crazy sound, and he runs a wild hand through his hair before his arms flail out around him.

"What the fuck do you want to say then, Noah? I mean, since you already know everything." It's Nicholas' turn to narrow his gaze, anger brewing behind his eyes. “I don’t know what you fucking want from me if you already know so much. What’s there to even talk about, huh?”

"I just want you to be honest with me," Noah tries to keep his voice level, but there is another waver towards the end, and he has to curl his hands into fists and squeeze. 

In and out, in and out, in and out. 

"Honest? You want honesty?" With another laugh that sounds anything but humorful, Nicholas rises from his chair and takes a step closer to Noah. "Do you know how fucking hard it is to watch the person you love be with someone else? And then have them kiss you?”

There it is. 

He thinks deep down he knew all along that Nicholas loved Naomi. The more he thought about it - and he's thought about it a lot these last 24 hours - the more it made sense. Noah remembers the longing glances shared between the two, remembers the tension whenever they first met. Maybe he tried convincing himself it was nothing just to justify his own feelings, but it was always clear as day.

Nicholas fucking loved her. His hands shake at the thought and he squeezes them into fists again, fingernails digging into the skin of his palm. It hurts to hear out loud even though he knew. He fucking knew.

But he thinks it hurts more knowing that it's just her, and not him.

"Naomi told me." He manages to get out, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "She told me about the first time you tattooed her. How you guys didn't..." He can't say it fully, taking a deep breath before continuing, "because of me. You spared my feelings because you'd rather, I don't fucking know, deprive yourself of happiness because you didn't want to hurt my feelings?"

Nicholas doesn't say anything again, just stares at him with his lips pressed together and for some reason that angers Noah even more.

"Did you think I couldn't handle it? Her rejection? I could have." He takes a step closer to Nicholas, the other boy watching him carefully. "I would have if it meant that you two were happy. That's all I ever fucking cared about."

They're toe to toe now, not touching just yet but almost there. Nicholas' eyes soften. 

"Noah, that's all I cared about, too. That's why I couldn't do it, because of you and-"

"Because of me! That's all I keep hearing. Me, me, me. You didn't know how I'd feel. You didn't know how I'd react. Not once did you even think of yourself, either of you, because for some reason you both are so worried about how I'd feel." The words fall from his lips without much thought and a humorless laugh slips from him, arms moving wildly at his sides. "And now look, you resent me! Probably Mimi, too, because of a choice you made."

Was it harsh? Maybe, but Noah was done letting this shit build up inside of him. If Nicholas wanted to ignore him then goddammit, he was going to get out everything he's been wanting to say for the last two days. 

Nicholas looks at Noah now as if he's just grown two heads and for some reason that just makes him angrier. Why is he confused? He doesn't get to act confused, he's the one that's been ignoring them, resenting them, for a choice he made. 

"I don't resent you."

"Could've fooled me.”

"I don't-" Nicholas pauses, taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't fucking resent you. I don't resent Mimi, either. If anything I resent myself for being fucking stupid."

It's Noah's turn to be confused, eyes narrowing down at his best friend.

"What?"

Nicholas opens his mouth to speak but closes it almost instantly. He doesn't say anything, just stares at him with wide eyes and Noah's not sure what to do next. He doesn't understand any of this. If Nicholas didn't resent them, then why the hell was he acting like he did? 

"I..." Noah's stomach twists at the sight of tears welling in Nicholas' eyes and he forces himself to look away, anywhere and everywhere but his face. "How can you not fucking see, Noah?"

"See what?"

They're so close. So fucking close and Noah finally gains enough courage to look at Nicholas again, and immediately wishes he hadn't. He watches the first tear fall, stream down Nicholas' cheeks, and he feels like someone just stabbed him in the fucking chest repeatedly. Why was he crying? What was there to cry over? 

"How I feel about Naomi. How I feel about you." Nicholas sounds so small, voice barely above a whisper.

"...About me?" Noah asks dumbly, but his mind is working double time already, heart thudding loudly against his chest.

There's no way Nicholas is admitting to this. Admitting to something that Noah told himself years ago would never fucking happen - could never fucking happen. That's why he shoved it so far back into his mind, his heart, because he could never allow something like that to come between him and his best friend. 

"Noah, I..." The words are on the tip of his tongue and Noah knows what he's going to say. He can feel it in his fucking bones and he feels his hands shaking at his sides again, but this time with anticipation. "I..."

"Nicky." Noah all but whines out, voice soft and eyes pleading. 

Nicholas' mouth shuts and Noah sees the exact moment his gaze falls to his lips before moving back up. His ears ring and his skin heats up, standing there while Nicholas reaches for him, tattooed hands cupping his face. He watches the boy lean in and barely even registers the fact that Nicholas' lips are against his before the other is pulling back, eyes wide. 

"Shit, Noah - I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry-"

Noah's not paying attention to his words, no, his ears are still ringing so fucking loud that Nicholas sounds muffled right now. He's too busy thinking about the way Nicholas' hands are still cradling his face and how gentle he was with him, their lips pressing together in what he thinks was the gentlest kiss of his life. Well, sort of a kiss. He didn't even kiss back, didn't think to kiss back because his brain short circuited. His lips were soft, not nearly as soft as Mimi's, but still softer than he imagined.

"- I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have done that without asking, I'm fucking sorry-"

Noah reaches up to circle his fingers around Nicholas' wrists when he feels the other trying to slip away. He keeps his hands there, against his face, and stares at him for another beat before surging forward. Their lips crash together with such force that they both stumble and Noah's hands drop from Nicholas' wrists to rest against his hips, keeping him steady. He thinks he hears Nicholas make some kind of noise, feels the vibration against his lips, but that damn ringing in his ears won't stop.

This kiss isn't anything like the one they just shared. Far from it. It's messy, sloppy, and all teeth, but it has Noah's skin buzzing in what he can only assume is excitement and fucking relief because this is what he's always imagined it to be like. Years of pent up frustration, long years of fucking yearning has led to this and Noah can't help but whine against Nicholas' lips. It's like they fit perfectly together, like Nicholas was the missing puzzle piece in this story. It reminds him of kissing Naomi, and how much he loves it, and how perfect and right it always feels. 

Naomi.

It's like his brain was on autopilot and just finally turned back out, screeching to a halt as the realization finally dawned on him. 

He can already feel the panic settling into his bones, rising until it lodges in the base of his throat and he all but pushes Nicholas away from him as if he's been burned. He feels like he's going to throw up at any second and he wishes that his ears would stop fucking ringing so loud, because all he can see is Nicholas' mouth moving but no words are coming out. The other takes a step towards him, arms reaching out but Noah shakes his head quickly. He takes two large steps back.

"Noah?”

It's muffled and barely sounds like Nicholas. Noah shakes his head again and takes another step back, yelping when he comes in contact with the door. He has to get out of here.

"I'm sorry." He gets out shakily before he reaches for the door handle and throws the door open, rushing for the stairs.

FuckFuckFuck.

He needs to get out of there. He needs to leave and go somewhere so fucking far away because he cannot stay here. No, he can't. The last glimpse he had of Nicholas crosses his mind, the absolute heartbreak written all over his face, and his chest hurts. It hurts so fucking bad and he can't breathe and-

"Woah. Slow down there, man."

Jolly chuckles and rests his hands on Noah's shoulders, but the younger boy doesn't know what's funny. He looks at him, gets out that he's headed somewhere, anywhere but here, and sees the moment confusion and then concern crosses Jolly's features. He doesn't let him question it, already ripping himself from his friends grasp. He grabs his keys that are still sitting on the counter where he left them, pats his pockets to make sure he still has his phone, and bolts out the door without another thought.

...

Her apartment feels foreign to her. She's tried so hard to make it feel like home, and it did at one point, but now it just... feels like a space she lives in. Richmond feels the same. This was the place where she grew up, where she became who she is today, and yet she's never felt so disconnected from it. It isn't home. Not anymore.

Home is almost three thousand miles away.

Naomi's eyes glance over at her phone next to her on the floor and sighs when no new notifications show up. She's only been home for about an hour, texting both Noah and Nicholas the second she walked through the door. She wasn't too surprised that Nicholas didn't respond, seeing as he didn't even bother telling her goodbye this morning, but Noah's silence comes as a shock. Usually she's welcomed with a text right when she lands from the boy, asking if she's landed yet and that he misses her.

There was nothing.

She knew how angry he was when Nicholas didn't meet them at the car this morning, ignoring both their texts. She knew he tried his best to hide how he was feeling, especially when she didn't do a good job hiding how she did. She felt guilty, in a way, crying over someone else when Noah was right there. He was so understanding, though, and had been ever since she told him how she felt about the kiss and Nicholas.

Naomi knew deep down it was because he understood how she felt, but was too stubborn to figure it out for himself and admit to it. 

She sighs again as she tosses another shirt from her suitcase into the dirty clothes pile she's made in the middle of her room, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. She doesn't want to do laundry. She wishes she could snap her fingers and everything would be cleaned and put neatly in its place, it'd save her a lot of time. 

She really tries hard to not dwell on it, but her hand is moving for her phone before she can stop herself. She'll just text him again, make sure he's alright and didn't do something stupid like confront Nicholas. She never gets to ask, though, the incoming phone call screen popping up on her phone. Her breath hitches when she realizes it was Nicholas calling her.

She lets it ring three times before answering.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being a stubborn fucking asshole and not saying goodbye. I'm sorry for ignoring you like a child." Nicholas' voice comes out quickly, words rushing together that she barely even catches what he's saying.

"Nicky, slow down-"

"I'm sorry for running away and not being brave enough to even talk about what happened-"

"Nicholas."

"- and I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner. I should've done that a long time ago, but I'm a coward." Nicholas pauses to suck in a deep breath, probably to try and center himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Naomi. I'd take it all back if I could."

"...What?" It's stupid to say but it's all she could manage out.

“… I love you."

Mimi is stunned into silence, mouth agape as her brain tries to process whatever the fuck Nicholas just told her. Their first conversation in almost a week and this is not what she was expecting. Well, maybe the apology, but not the confession. 

I'm sorry for not telling you I loved you sooner. 

It should feel good. It should feel really good to hear those words, to know that he loves her, because she loves him, but it doesn't. It feels far from it. Nicholas sounds so broken and defeated on the other end that she knows that this didn't come from a place of happy realization. 

Something happened. With Noah, no doubt. Something stirs in the pit of her stomach.

"Noah talked to you."

"He did." 

She stays silent, the confirmation swirling around her mind. Noah talked to him. 

"He left." Nicholas' voice shakes and she can already see his face, crumbling as the tears well in his eyes. She doesn't bother stopping her own, the pit in her stomach now feeling like impending fucking doom. His sniffle on the other end breaks her heart. "He barged into my room, yelled at me. Deserved. I was being an ass, I’m sorry. And then I kissed him. He asked me to be honest and I fucking kissed him because it was easier doing that than saying it."

"Nicky..."

"He just stood there and I knew I fucked up, I knew it, but then... fuck, then he kissed me." He sniffles again, followed by a pitiful whine. "Then he left. Pulled away from me like I was some sort of fucking plague and ran off. He's been gone for like two hours. I don't..." A shaky sigh follows his words and her heart feels like it's about to fall out of her chest. "He’s gone. I don't know where he is, Mimi."

Fuck.

[emiensr]

IF YOU’RE STILL DOING THE ASKS THEN COPICS & ERASER? :00

HI ngl i forgot i'd posted anything lol . ok sooo ^^ Copics: what is this character's most expensive habit or hobby? Do they ever feel guilty about the money they spend on it?

hmmmmm . the characters with the most expensive hobby would definitely be Noel and Madi. Musical instruments are expensive. good thing their parents are rich! only one of them benefits from that though. guess who . ok tbh he doesnt actually own most of the instruments he uses in his shows. When Noel plays multiple instruments at once , he summons them similar to deuce summoning cauldrons .except Noel sends them back to where they came from once hes done. however ! he DOES own his trumpet and violin . theyre his favourites . even though hes kind of a dick Noel does feel super guilty every time he has to spend his parent's money, which is why he chooses to "borrow" the instruments he uses in his shows (he's not as evil as i make him out to be i promise 😭). oh my god how long ago did i start writing this . i thought i'd posted this months ago. anyway im gonna finish it now.

Eraser: what's one way this character has changed over time? Either over the course of their story, or over the course of designing them as an author.

theyve all changed sooo much . originally everyone was a seperate character with no links . i almost scrapped madi once, made him transfem for about 2 months and then forgot he existed. then i made noel seperatelyy andddd decided to make them related :3

Asken was a brainworm that attacked me while i was at work once (i've had 3 jobs since then. huh) , designed , was told that his anatomy was wouldnt work and then left alone for ages (UNRELATED TO THE ANATOMY THING i just had no interest in him)

Lyn was also an abandoned character who i gave story relevance when i made Stian. Stian and Noel drove everything for the rest of these guys they would have no relevance otherwise oops .

tldr they were all irrelevant / undeveloped until Noel came along <3

IMSORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG WITH THIS ONEEE ahh?? u sent this in probably may or june and i just . forgor. ermmm m. here u go <3

[x-lynx-x]

lynx log #2

i wandered into jimmys room, and it was now snowing!! like how there was leaves everywhere in victors room, theres now snow in jimmys(i think it had something to do with nicole waking up, cuz jimmys room kinda looked like hers....)we sat on the bed for a bit n they were having trouble talking, so i thought i'd read a wolvie comic to help get their voice back >:[ theres a lot of comics on our desk that havent been put away yet, so i chose this one cuz it kinda looks like jimmy on the cover.....

so i was reading it(a lot of the panels look a lot like jimmy!!facial recognition stuff) and uhm. this page made me realize something.

nothin special on the page, just was the one i realized on. we're been thinkin a lot lately on if we have a primary soul, n who it might be! cuz everyone seems to think theyre the real soul....but its probably jimmy ): we get a lot of messages thru media n we gotta out them together like puzzle pieces. a message we got a couple years ago(but was reminded of today cuz someone liked one of our old posts abt it) was for a character named church. SO a scientist guy made a clone of his consciousness called epsilon, n put epsilon thru a bunch of simulated trauma, which then split him into other consciousness (like us!) n church was a direct clone of epsilon who didnt remember any of the trauma. and also didnt know abt the experiment!! then eventually he found all the other consciousnesses and epsilon n him fused together n he remembered EVERYTHING!! we've had the word epsilon associated with memories ever since '^' and theres a comic where a guy named epsilon red starts giving wolvie his memories back too!!

we've known abt the experiment since we were uhmmm maybe 11? or 10? we've been gettin hints for awhiilleeee but our recent journey in remembering all of eachother again feels similar to the journey church went on....oh yea! context -> me n my system used to know eachother when we were younger, but around age 15 we all got stuck together n forgot ): but in the past month we've been slowly separating n remembering eachother again!! it was a prophecy for vic n victor(similar but 2 different guys hehe) to spend our bday with jimmy, n it thankfully happened!!! we were worried abt there being a big fight that day(since sabes n wolvie usually fight on that day) n well....that turned out to be true too v_v they forgot how often they fought n there was a fight that morning n victor ended up also fighting with tiff(another member) during the day too(the problem was that jimmy didnt believe either of them were real, n victor even really tried proving himself by fronting for a several days before they remembered eachother! he was searching really hard for jimmy, just like jimmy had been all those years he couldnt remember him...). but that day ended good, so thats all settled now :3 except for the nicole fighting today lol oops.

anywayyyyy back to the story!! after i told jimmy abt this theory, he started changing more into logan(the one in the comic) and vic got concerned and came over to our room. he was crying and didnt know why ): he looked similar to the comic too.

vic held logan for a bit....uhmmm what did we talk about hmm.......OH

right!!!the experiment!!!!so this comic is about how they layer a fake memory over top of real ones, so it implies that sabes n fox were also being experimented on like X was!! so in our case, maybe we're not fake split offs, but rather we're all connected somehow. (we have a member whos name means 'birth of X' btw!!)

that was one of our theories at age 13, that all of us were sleeping in the same lab somewhere. but maybe we knew eachother too.....

the big question is -> whos helping us wake up?

woahhhh cliffhanger :o stay tuned for more fun lynx adventures!!!!!✨✨

[j0kers-light]

👁️👁️ joker x yn who gets exposed for having connections with Batman

Please

Hey hi anon! 🖤✨

I HEARD YOUR CRY! Now you didn’t specify what kind of connection sooo I took liberty of making up one on the fly. I can’t in good conscience say this is canon within His Lighthouse lol. Joker would lose the last shred of his sanity if it were. Enjoy!!

Edit: If you wish to read the full oneshot bearing the same name, here's the link! It does have a trigger warning advisory.

This was not how you wanted Joker to be angry with you. You expected him to be upset about your limited edition box set not coming out until the fall or about you hogging all the cover at night.

Not about your extremely old photo-op with the one and only Batman circulating the web again

It literally was a long story and definitely a lot more tamer than what Joker was making it out to be

So what if you had an old selfie with Gotham City’s Dark Knight floating around the web?

So what if the caped crusader was rather handsy with his hand resting wayy too low on your back or that you were licking the cowl and the caption was quite suggestive?

#Leathertastesfunny but #Ihadworse Okay so maybe it was bad. 👀

Joker stumbled across the old pic when a fan reblogged it with a comment. “Wait, does this mean Y/n is smashing Batman?” Then he scrolled and saw the most recent pic that you totally forgot about taking months ago!!

Who knew Batman was so dirty? You were walking back from an outing and almost got into a nasty situation if not for Batman swooping in to save the day

He flirted with you after saving the damsel in distress again; “the leather shouldn’t taste funny anymore”, he mentioned and you laughed and called his bluff (5/10 not bad)

You offered to take another selfie to commemorate the heroic moment. You were not expecting Batman to back you in the wall and grind his hips into yours. Your thumb slipped and oops…

#Themaskstayson okay so yeah um.. the selfie got quite the buzz. Batman was all but f__king you in the alleyway or at least that’s what the photo suggested.

Your airy smile peaking over Batman’s shoulder with your legs wrapped around his slutty little waist all but confirmed it. Yeah it looked bad

And naturally Joker. Flipped. His. Ish.

“J-J… it happened way before you and I even met!”

Why did you say that? Like that small fact made things any better.

You saw Joker’s eye twitch. The date was right there on the post. It was two days before you and him met in Chinatown but STILL it was too close in Joker’s mind. You were his.

He saw nothing but red. You hooked up with THE Batman, his mortal enemy? Was it just a one (twice) time thing or prolonged occurrences?

HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

“Did ya f__k him?” Joker growled.

You played with your fingers and looked away. Silence was worse than answering but J had to know.

“I won’T repeat myself, Y/n. Yes or no.”

Cue your stuttering.

“I uhh, well I mean yes but no? It wasn’t a p-in-v if that’s what you’re asking but I did consider it! I have a mask kink okay?! I was curious! I-I mean.. have you seen the man?” You winced when Joker growled.

Alright, not the best confession to say to your psychotic possessive lover, especially since Joker and Batman were bitter rivals.

It was like the ultimate betrayal in J’s eyes. You considered having sex with Batman. Can’t take that back. You started to slowly back away.

“If I were you, I’d run too bunny. Cuz when I catch ya… mmhhm. When I get my handsss on you. I’m gonna ruin you.” Joker was shaking with rage. “One.”

You squeaked in fear and bolted from the room. You tried turning the corner but your momentum made you crash into the wall.

“Two…” You panicked hearing the countdown continue and scrambled to your feet. You made it down the hallway right as Joker said, “Three.”

He casually stood to his feet and stalked your tracks straight into the bedroom.

You thought locking the door was gonna save you? How cute. He broke it open and came to a stop right in front of the closet door. He could smell fear on you and a tinge of arousal. Gods above, he loved you.

“Now I wonder…. where oh where could my little slut be?” He sang out knowing you were in shambles inside.

You were sending a quick prayer upward right as Joker ripped the doors off the hinges and dragged you out by your ankle. Your screams were music to his ears.

[marshallpupfan]

My Marshall Collection! (June, 2022)

It's been a while since I've shown off my Marshall collection! Things are a little different now, so I figure now's as good a time as any!

For those of you that missed it, I recently replaced my old display case because the sides were starting to bulge. Fortunately, I was able to find another one for a low price, not to mention it looks much nicer, too! It was about six inches wider though, so it couldn't fit in the same spot. To give everything more space, I ended up rearranging my entire room to place my collection on the opposite wall. Imo, I think it looks better than it did before!

And much like the last time I posted pics of my collection, I figured I'd briefly talk about each section. Well, let's get started!

Over on the left, you'll find the majority of my plush dolls, as well as a few other things here and there. Not too much has changed, except I was able to make the shelves on the wall much wider, so now I can fit more up there whenever I purchase more plush dolls (or other items, such as a few Marshall backpacks I have my eye on).

Over in the corner, you'll find some books! For these, I decided to focus on ones that center around Marshall, or he's the biggest pup featured on the cover. In truth, I'll be replacing this bookshelf eventually, since there's not much room left for the other books I plan on purchasing. Hopefully I'll find something that'll work out better.

This mini shelf seen one of the bigger changes. Previously, it had a bunch of plush dolls, but I decided to relocate them in order to make room for DVDs! Much like the books, I focused on ones about Marshall or he's the biggest pup featured on the cover. And similar to the books, I have a few more I plan on buying despite the little room I have left. Yeah... I'm not sure how I'll solve this issue yet. lol

This smaller bookshelf is a new addition. I originally had other plans for it, but because my new display case is too tall to place the larger plush dolls on top again, I had to relocate them here.

In the middle of my collection is my TV, once again showing off my Laptop wallpaper! And of course, my Ready Race Rescue theatrical poster is right above it! There's a window right behind it, so just pretend those are theater curtains or something. lol

On the right, we've got my new display case... but before that, take a look at the items on the wall next to it! Also, I had to retake this picture later, and I totally forgot to turn the TV back on. Oops!

Here, you'll find my EMT Marshall wall art, the badges that came with some figurines, two walkie-talkies, artworks sent to me by a friend, and a bunch of framed pictures I printed off. Seeing as how the new display case doesn't stick out as far as the old one, I was able to fit in a few more, though I replaced a few, too. The new pictures include Sheep-disguise Marshall, EMT Marshall, Marshall sleeping with Squeakin'Beam, Marshall covered in stickers, and still one of my personal favorite outfits, Marshall in his Rescue Knights armor!

On the bottom of the Display case, we've got Marshall's many vehicles! I decided to rearrange them a bit differently this time, so most of them are all together now. I had to stick two on the floor, but I kinda like it like that.

Because the new display case is wider, I was able to get both his Ultimate Fire Truck and Movie Fire Truck on the same shelf. I decided to place the True Metal vehicles in front of them. The smaller, plastic vehicles were placed elsewhere.

Above that, you'll find the majority of the figurines! Many of them are Marshall wearing his usual fireman gear, but of course, there are so many other outfits on display, such as him in his Ultimate Fire Gear, his Pup-Fu Gi, all versions of his Mighty Pups super suits, Rescue Knights, Dino Rescue, Moto Pups, etc.! That new step shelf I made for them a few months ago doesn't fill up the entire shelf, so I stuck one of those big toys at the end to fill up the space. I think it works!

Nearing the middle, we've got the biggest shelf housing most of my bigger, non-plush items. The Marshall-shaped shampoo bottle (imported from the UK), two bubble makers, ceramic piggy (puppy?) banks, bobble heads, an alarm clock, that large piñata I always struggle to find a spot for, that large multi-color face lightbulb, among other things. The smaller vehicles were relocated here, since there wasn't much room for them with the other vehicles.

Many other various items are right above that, including a talking coin bank (also imported from the UK), coffee mugs, bath toys, a bunch of Christmas ornaments, some candy dispensers, etc.. Admittedly, this is my favorite out of all the shelves.

Nearing the end of my collection, we've got this final shelf displaying additional items, such as the lunch boxes, Good2Grow bottles, the many mini figurines found in those mystery boxes. etc..

Last, on the very top of the display case, we've got the final batch of plush dolls, including the one I recently found for $1 that I cleaned and sewed up!

=============================

And there you go! As Tumblr has a limit of ten images per post, I'm unable to focus on everything I wanted to talk about, so hopefully this does the job well enough. But to think, they've released so much merchandise of one character... and yet, I'm still nowhere close to owning everything of Marshall! Crazy thought, huh?

To say this least, I see this collection as a testament to just how crazy I am about the character. I know I say this often, but this spotted pup really is my #1 favorite animated character of all time! He means a lot to me, which is why I made these MarshallPupFan accounts, why I post daily pics of him, why I enjoy showing off his merchandise, and why I even went as far to purchase my own Marshall mascot costume to represent him in my town's parade (that plan's still pending, however). Seriously, I just love this character to death! In my eyes, he's one of the greats, and I can't imagine PAW Patrol being anywhere near as good without him!

As always, I hope you all enjoyed seeing my collection again! 😁

[bluexiao]

Bestie imagining these men with their kids is a blessing I swear to god!!! I may hate kids but having kids with fictional men hits different. On that note I raise you this: Zhongli and Xiao believing that they won't be able to have children with their partner/wife because of their past deeds/karma but then oop surprise she gets pregnant and they almost faint. I see Zhongli having twin girls that are identical to each other and have his eyes and it makes him so happy bc he sees himself in his girls but also they're a carbon copy of their mother. Xiao also has a little girl who is an exact copy of him. Shy, reserved and only likes certain people. Her dad is always by her side and if he could he would never let her leave his arms. She has his pretty eyes and hair, the mother/reader had none of her genes transferred lol *this is all based on that one post you made about the boys and their kids so if you aren't into these types of asks anymore delete this and I won't send another one in for the rest of the husband squad lol*

Being a Parent — headcanons

Character/s: zhongli, xiao; implied f!reader

Word count: over 2k can you tell how dedicated i am to this post

Note/s: so a reminder that this is purely fiction and a headcanon. i named the kids and believe me i’m not well versed at chinese names so i’m sorry if i ever did something wrong with it or so. i’ll place the meanings below if you’re curious about them^^ also i’m so sorry this is REALLY long i did not expect that i’d write a lot until i’m halfway thru zhongli’s and realized i’m at 800 words. and wow…. you could tell who’s my favorite between the two if you read this whole. anyway thanks for those who requested! this is totally one of my personal favorites. enjoy!

also to the person who requested for venti, it’s coming soon! i literally forgot about scanning my requests so these two are the only ones i finished writing today don’t worry i’ll write for venti too!!

ZHONGLI

First things first, I can't believe we have the same image in mind! i also had imagined before that zhongli would have twin children or at least two and they will grow up with him whilst being half adeptus

Of course, he had thought of the consequences before; maybe an ancient god like him wouldn’t be able to reproduce, like the other adepti, maybe this is dangerous for you. However, after being proven that he can indeed produce a child, he couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride and joy in his chest.

I can see your family to be composed of twin girls and a younger son, a new addition to the family just a few months ago after your twins turned two. You and Zhongli did not expect him to come, but alas the gods had decided to bless you two with another one, and the both of you couldn’t be much happier.

I can see your family to be composed of twin girls and a younger son, a new addition to the family just a few months ago after your twins turned two. You and Zhongli did not expect him to come, but alas the gods had decided to bless you two with another one, and the both of you couldn’t be much happier.

The twin girls, Meiyin and Meilin, usually called Yin and Lin fort short, look a lot like you, but they have their father’s eyes and his personality. They may have body features of a dragon, however, you were quite surprised when you saw the tiny, golden horns that the twins have on their forehead. But then, it’s not like you two did not expect it. Zhongli is a dragon, of course his children may embody features that were like his.

They are the calmest babies you have ever seen and they grew up to still be as calm as they were when they were babies. They rarely had tantrums but if they would, your eardrums would hurt. It’s to the point that your husband will be the only one who would have the capability of calming them down.

“Must be an adepti trait?” you lightheartedly say, whilst still holding onto one of your ears, leaning by the door frame of the twins’ room, looking at Zhongli who held both of his daughters in his arms, one of them clinging onto his neck while the other leans on his chest.

You see him softly smile, and you thought it was because of your words, but it was because of you. You who still thought positively about the situation even if you probably knew that this kind of tantrum is not much of a positive trait that one should have—but they do because of their blood, blood that came from him and his past.

Yin and Lin can be quite different at times. Despite being twins, there are certain qualities in their personalities that differ. For example, Yin is really good with money, and she has her own savings at the age of, what, five? On the other hand, Lin is a huge spender, especially when she grew up. When Lin was a kid, she’d throw a tantrum if you won’t let her buy a toy or a dress she likes. Sometimes, Zhongli indulges her with her desires, but it would be Uncle Childe who buys a lot of “gifts” for her. Also, he’s the twins’ favorite uncle (poor Xiao).

As for your youngest son, Jianlei or Lei, he’s a total carbon copy of his father, from head to toe. If you’ve never seen him cry, this would be one of the rarest times you would. He felt happy when the girls came, but when he saw a little version of him, sleeping softly in your arms? That is a sight to behold and something he’d cherish until the end of his days.

Lei doesn’t have horns though. He’s the one who has the least noticeable features since he only has a set of fangs. They weren’t too big but they’re not that of a mortal one. However, Zhongli did mention that it might change when he grows up. You still haven’t asked him about it but you have an idea as to why he said that.

Your youngest son’s personality is kind of a mixture of you and Zhongli but his maturity sure came from his father. He doesn’t rush on things and solves problems in a tactical and orderly way. However, he can be pretty stubborn because he wants to go things his way—you’re actually debating in your mind if it came from your side or your husband’s.

Shockingly, it is Jianlei who likes Uncle Xiao the most. Even if the yaksha rarely visits, Lei remembers him very clearly and admires him a lot.

Only a trusted few knows about Zhongli’s identity and even so, the children were gems of the harbor. People believe their golden eyes are very intriguing and they are all beautiful. A photographer may even try to get your family as models or so and ever since, Lin would be interested in being photographed whereas Jianlei, your son, would grow up to be surrounded by girls who have a crush on him. Like his father however, he’s very dense. Yin on the other hand will be the one who’s interested in history that she may even ask if she can study at Sumeru someday when she grows up.

Zhongli is the type of father who is not too strict on his children but he would surely be protective of them behind the lines. If someone ever does wrong to any of his precious kids, there are heavy consequences for such actions—maybe except if they’re children or so. Either way, I see him as a family man and he’s a natural at it. Your children will always feel the genuine love and support from their father no matter which path they take. As for you, of course his attention may be divided but he’ll always look at you the same way he had always done so ever since. You are part of his family, and he’ll prove it to you every single day.

MeiLin can mean “beautiful forest” or “beautiful, fine jade/gem” or “plum jade”

MeiYin can mean “beautiful money/silver”

JianLei can mean “building/establishing a pile of stones” or “strong/healthy pile of stones”

XIAO

Ironically, I agree that Xiao will certainly have an only daughter. I mean you can have more but he really hates seeing you in pain during labor. He doesn’t like it when he couldn’t do anything but wait outside or sit by your side, urging you to hold his hand and squeeze it to somehow ease the pain—as if it would.

He’s extremely overprotective during your pregnancy, and yes that’s to a very high extent. He would be like that at the very start and also when you’re nearing your due for the sole reason that you eased him into thinking that he should calm down for a bit. He did, but when you get more vulnerable by the months pass, he’s back at it again, and you’re fine with that because it’s for the right reason anyway.

At first though, he was really hesitant and scared, you could see it in his eyes. The moment you revealed to him that you’re pregnant, no matter how hard he tried to mask his emotions, it’s still obvious.

“Y-you’re what?”

He stiffened in your hold and your eyes instantly saw the change in his own. If you didn’t know better, you would have seen this as a negative note, but you waited patiently in front of him, nodding your head and a reassuring smile forming on your lips.

You then caressed his hand slowly with your thumb and gently pulled it to your clothed stomach, letting his open palm rest on it while your comforting hand stayed on top of his.

“We, Xiao. We’re expecting.”

He visibly gulped as his gaze drifted down to where your hands were linked and you wouldn’t have to look closer to see that his eyes were tearing up. You could say that he was holding them back but a tiny, single tear made him lose. However you didn’t have time to raise your other hand to brush it away when he pulled you into a loose embrace—might be because he thinks if he held you tighter, something might happen.

You wouldn’t see, but you could tell that Xiao is now crying.

He wouldn’t say anything about his worries but you’d know it, especially if you had been with him for a long time.

When your daughter, whom you named Annchi, arrived, she peaked her eyes up to you and the moment you saw them, you saw her father. Xiao on the other hand noticed her great resemblance to you, from hair to nose to lips—except for the eyes. That one feature was what made him tear up again. Although he did not cry, it was obvious that he was close to anyway

He would be wary of holding her at first, but then Verr, the one who assisted you and the doctor during labor and the whole pregnancy, insisted him to since you had fallen asleep at that time. When he held your baby the first time, Verr guided him at first, but he got the hang of it in a minute or two. He’s uncomfortable at first but when his baby looked up at him again and reached out her small hands to play with the tips of his hair, he melted. It felt as if his world lightened up more once his daughter arrived.

He has a soft side on his daughter and you would always catch him looking at her with a gentle look on his eyes, sometimes even paired with a small smile.

There are times when you have to reassure him still, especially if he’s still suffering from his karmic debt. He wouldn’t let himself hold his daughter and even so far as be close with her. It will hurt looking and seeing him like this, but he’s doing it to protect her. Although it’s not like your daughter was very fragile like a normal mortal would—she has an adeptus’ blood, his own blood.

Deep inside him though, he hopes that his suffering did not pass onto his daughter. He’d worry about it sometimes but when he sees her smiling up at him, those thoughts would instantly vanish.

Like the previous children, Annchi also has a feature that came from her father’s blood and it's the wings on her back. It was quite small of course but as she grew up, it became more noticeable. Of course there were people who questioned it, and it was one of the reasons why your husband were more alert, especially when she started going to school. Too many people are quite interested in knowing your daughter that you two eventually decided to have her home-schooled instead—of course with the permission of your daughter. Surprisingly but kind of expected, she accepted. As long as she thinks it’s reasonable, she doesn’t mind going along with it.

She also has a tattoo on her neck. It was not quite obvious when she was a baby since it only became more visible during her toddler years and by the time she was a teenager, the tattoo was clearly of an image of a bird.

Your daughter is reserved, just like her father, but she can be a mixture of you and him at times. Although, it’s quite obvious that she and her father have more understanding towards each other. Even if her father wasn’t saying anything, she clearly knows what he thinks.

She will be closer to you in an emotional aspect though. She respects her father that she understands that he is not like an ordinary mortal who can understand emotions, that’s why it’s probably best to talk to you about those.

Lastly, since this is getting longer than it should be Xiao is the type of father who would stand at the sidelines and watch his child grow. He’d support her, sure, but he would like to see them independent and not blinded by the dark side of the world. He will keep his karmic debt from her and she won’t even know about it but she might see it a couple of times but she won’t question it. It’s unknown whether he has knowledge about these times but going back to the point, he wants to protect her and he would from other people, but he would show her that the world is harsh and cruel, despite its beauty. He wants her to learn to fight and protect herself because there might be a time when he wouldn’t be there to do so. Thus, it is only best that he shall pass on his strength, so that she may live longer and have a happier life than his.

Annchi means “amazing, peace, angel” or “angelic peace”

Trivia: I kind of based my own family on Xiao's part. I’m an only child and my family works exactly that way. Me and my dad are introverts and we understand each other in a different way than me and my mom would. Only at that aspect though lmao.

[calpalsworld]

Genuine Ninjago Respun question (asking here wince other people might be wondering too): how does Skales' prosthetic arm work? I've noticed that it bends sometimes but it doesn't seem to have any joints. It looks like one continuous spike. Is it magic?

I LITERALLY WAS DRAWING THIS MONTHS AGO BUT THEN I FORGOT TO POST IT HOLD ON

Ok so idk if this makes any sense. I think ive just been fucking up with how I draw her a lot. I might redesign her and will probably start focusing more on drawing her arm correctly. Any feedback is welcome.

Her arm died from exposure to the Elemental Master of Ice's attack, and was cut off by the Elemental Masters (probably Ray) because they wanted to help her. Her eye was also taken out. I want to show this in one of her flashbacks. (if you havent guessed already I want to have have like 1 skales flashback per chapter lol)

But I guess she still has a little bit of forearm which is how she bends her elbow? Idk if that makes any sense. I feel like she shouldn't have that. oops.

My justification for her being able to drag or grip things sometimes was that there is an automatic constriction mechanism when pressure is jammed against the "wrist" portion of the arm. I thought this made sense as something Serpentine would invent, since snake bodies bend differently than human bodies. This mechanism would absolutely malfunction often tho, and she would have to manually pull it back into a default state. If I keep this I should probably show that happening.

IDK HOW THE FUCK THE ARM STAYS ON LIKE THAT? I SHOULD ADD STRAPS I THINK!!!

Is it powered by magic? It would make A LOT OF SENSE and have COOL POTENTIAL if it was powered by Chi (like from Chima). Every species of animal and plant from the realm of Chima has small amounts of Chi in their blood. But I feel like it would be hard for Skales to channel chi through that part of her body because of nerve damage or something???? Idk. Its an option though.

I might redesign this so like I said, feedback is appreciated.

THANKS I honestly don't know if I like it anymore so I'm glad you do :D I kinda regret giving her all these scars because it seems over the top and cheesy and I didn't research it well, but at the time my brain was like "FROSTBITE EPIC LETS GO."

[babycracker]

first line tag game

thank you for the tag @amlovelies! 🤍

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some of your favourite authors!

1. pranks (litg: bobby/mc)

“Hey Jenna!” Bobby jogs over to join her as she walks back in through the front door, and she raises an eyebrow at his cheerier-than-usual demeanor.

“Did I miss anything while I was away?” she asks, returning his smile all the same because his happiness is infectious

2. love or money (litg: bobby/mc)

Bobby’s eyes cracked open, peering into the darkness like every other morning. He always woke up before the lights came on. Even after a month in the Villa, for a split second he forgot where he was and a pang of panic shot through him when he felt Amanda shift beside him before the last twenty-nine days came flooding back to him, and he allowed himself the tiniest of smug smirks.

3. when bobby met lani (litg: bobby/mc) explicit, minors dni

The beer's cheap and nasty, the bouncers are more interested in hitting on the girls coming through the door than actually providing any kind of security detail, and the male talent is… subpar. The music's half okay though, Lani thinks to herself as she chokes down the last of the God awful beer she'd ordered. The barman, who's barely taken his eyes off of her since she sat down, nods toward her empty bottle with his eyebrows raised.

4. the one that got away, chapter 23 (litg: bobby/f!oc) main story is explicit, minors dni

His phone beeping and vibrating across Tash's nightstand woke Bobby up. He groaned and squinted at it, the small light flashing in the corner indicating a text message. He heard Tash groan from where her face was pressed into his back as he reached out for it.

"What're you doing?" she murmured as she shifted to lay her head on his chest when he rolled onto his back, squeezing her eyes closed against the sudden light.

"I got a text, sorry."

"How much did it take for you not to yell that?"

He felt her grin against him and chuckled, "not as much as it used to."

5. keep on running, chapter 8 (litg: bobby/god knows honestly the boy was a ho)

Bobby slips his phone, keys and wallet into his pockets and steps out from behind the counter of the music store, ready to head home, but stops short when he sees Gary standing just inside the door waiting for him. He offers a small smile, which Bobby doesn’t return as he tries to walk past him and out onto the street. Gary’s arm shoots out, his hand on Bobby’s chest to stop him from moving, and he sighs and looks over at him.

6. while the cats are away, chapter 3 (litg: bobby&f!oc)

As usual Bobby was the first to wake up, and had quietly made his way to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day while he had a few moments of peace. By the time he was done and heading back out to the bedroom, he was passing some of the others on their way to the bathroom. Tash was perched up on the edge of their bed waiting for him, holding a cup out to him as he made his way closer to the bed.

7. untitled (litg: ????)

Noah sat at their usual booth in the back of the bar, running his finger around the rim of his glass before letting out a sigh and checking the time on his phone again. He’d arrived early so he knew he had no business being impatient, but he’d needed to get out of that damn house, away from Hope.

It had been bad enough when they’d been playing nice. Watching her smile to his face while knowing that she was more than likely trashing him to whoever would listen as soon as his back was turned. Not that he had a right to be pissed off about that lately; he’d been doing the same thing for the last few weeks. But since signing the divorce papers, Hope had become a she-devil straight from the depths of Hell.

8. 25 (holi)days of wayhaven, day 31 (twc: adam/f!detective)

They’ve come a long way, and both of them feel it whenever they’re together. A long way from Jordan deliberately riling him up because she knew that just about everything she did irritated him. A long way from Adam going out of his way to spend as little time with her as possible.

It’s taken them a long time to realise that they were doing these things - leaning into their dislike for each other - as a way to distract themselves from the fact that they have always liked each other. Maybe they’ve always loved each other, though neither of them are willing to say that out loud.

9. untitled (twc: felix/f!detective)

Felix can't sit still. It's not as though it's unusual for him by any means, but it seems to be exaggerated when he's spent the last six hours in a place where there is literally nothing to do.

He's slumped on the chair beside the hospital bed, slouched down so low that his ass isn't even on the seat anymore, one of his legs jiggling up and down and both hands drumming erratically on his knees.

He lets out an impatient sigh and sits upright again, taking his hat off and running a hand through his hair.

10. sick like me, chapter 20 (litg: bobby/mc) explicit, minors dni

It had happened slowly, so slowly that if Lani hadn’t found herself (mostly) weirdly excited about it she might not have even noticed that it was happening. But Bobby was most definitely moving in, slowly but surely. It started with little things, a change of clothes here and there, some toiletries, until she was helping him sell off some of his bigger furniture, stuff that they both knew wouldn’t fit into Lani’s apartment.

After a few weeks, the two of them stood in the middle of what used to be his living room but was now nothing more than an empty space, as Bobby turned his keys over and over in his hand.

11. fire meet gasoline, chapter 4 (twc: morgan/m!oc)

She'd expected him to dress down a little, seeing that they are likely venturing into a sewer this morning. But all that's missing is his jacket; he's still wearing his usual long sleeve dress shirt and vest though his sleeves have been partially folded back, revealing the smallest glimpse of a tattoo on the outside of his right forearm.

"You know you're probably going to get covered in crap, right?"

"Wrong. But if you want to keep doubting me, go right ahead," he grins an obnoxiously cocky grin at her before turning and heading around the warehouse towards the sewers.

12. 28 dates with unit bravo, day 10 (twc: morgan/m!oc)

She doesn't like him. He's hot, that's all. And kind of cocky and kind of an asshole and what can she say? Morgan's into it. Maybe it's because he's the same as her; not relationship material by a long shot, but she has a feeling he knows his way around the bedroom. Probably the kitchen, bathroom and any number of outdoor locations as well. That, and he’s hot.

13. untitled (twc: adam/f!detective)

He can hear her pacing the hall outside of his room. She pauses every time she passes his door, and everytime she does he tenses, only to relax again just slightly when she returns to pacing.

Part of him wants to throw his door open and drag her into his room. Another part wants to stick his head out the door and order her to return to her room and stop shuffling around outside of his. But a part bigger than both of them makes him stay put, sitting on the edge of his bed and carefully unlacing his boots.

14. luck of the unit, day 20 (twc: adam/f!detective)

"Say another one!" Jordan can barely get the words out between gasps of laughter, only becoming more hysterical every time she catches a glimpse of the unimpressed expression on Adam’s face.

“This is hardly the best use of your time here,” he points out, pausing to gesture around the study, “you are supposed to be studying.”

“I am studying, I’m learning a foreign language,” she insists with a defiant nod, and when his shoulders sag in defeat she knows she’s got him. “Come on, another one.”

15. untitled (tanner, not fanfic)

"Does it hurt?"

"Nah."

"Liar."

Tanner pauses for a moment, unable to hold back a wince when the tattooist starts again. "Little bit."

Skylar grins at him and sits up straight in the seat again, smiling smugly at him before spinning the seat and herself around in a circle.

"Dad's gonna kill you," she points out when she finally stops herself from spinning, and Tanner rolls his eyes at her.

16. echoes in the forest, chapter 13 (twc: adam/f!detective)

“I got a bad feeling about this,” Felix murmurs quietly, trudging along between Nate and Mason. Jordan and Adam are walking up ahead close by the boy as he continues wandering through the forest.

“You mean you haven’t felt that way since we got here?” Mason scoffs, not bothering to lift his eyes from the ground in front of him.

“Yeah, but worse now,” Felix answers, and Nate places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“It will be alright,” he tries, but somehow Felix doesn’t find himself as reassured as he usually does when Nate attempts to comfort him.

oop, didn’t quite make 20. and jfc did i have to dive down to the bottom of the barrel to get what i did, some of these were almost a year ago. i’m noticing now that i start with a character’s name more often than not. honestly i don’t think i can pick a favourite, i’ve been thinking on it for like 15 minutes now and i honestly dunno.

and i know some of you think that you know everything that i have written even if it hasn’t been/isn’t to be posted... and i know that seeing this list of untitleds, you may be surprised and i’m sorry lol.

gonna tag @dwead-piwate-meggers @mistyeyedbi @masonscig @echohauville and @agentsunshine (no pressure ofc!) and to anyone else who wants to get in on this, tag me!

[notsuchasecret]

01. we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in, hello awkward - IwaOi

Oops lol forgot I never posted this :P

Wakingup next to Iwaizumi was something of a dream come true. Memoriesflooded Tooru, of the night before, of the grasping and the pullingand the sweating and the swearing, of the drinking and the fallinginto each other’sarms. Of the finally,of the atlast,of twenty-seven years of friendship - and fourteen of those of pining- coming to a head. Waking up with Iwaizumi’sarm draped over his waist after so many years of we’retoo old to share a bedwas, in a word, bliss.

Iwaizumistirred and Tooru debated pretending to sleep a little longer. Itwouldn’twork. It never did. Iwaizumi knew him better than anyone, knew whenhe was pretending. It made Tooru more than a little sad, thinkingthat Iwaizumi probably knew about his feelings, probably let him havethis one night out of pity or something like it. The thought souredTooru’s blissful mood and he rolled out of bed, all but dartinginto the bathroom before Iwaizumi could so much as process that hewas there and then that he was gone.

Inthe shower, Tooru forced himself not to think as he scrubbed downskin marked with lines from nails and circles from teeth. He wishedhe could wash away the lingering feelings, the pity and the marks,let them all sink down the drain. But there was nothing to be done.So he scrubbed a little harder and then turned the water as hot as itwould go for a moment or two before stepping out and drying off.

Iwaizumiwas sitting up on the edge of the bed, looking a little lost whenTooru came out of the shower. He was still naked, and Tooru had tostop himself from taking in the glorious lines of him. That was allleft to last night; it had no place in the present.

“Shower’sopen, Iwa-chan,” Tooru said as brightly as he could. He gatheredhis coat.

“Whereare you going?” Iwaizumi asked, and his voice was small.

“Home,silly,” Tooru replied. “It’s been fun, but I have things to do,and-” he went to yank the front door open, only to glance at thewindow and stop dead.

Snow.

Somuch snow.

Piledas deep as Tooru was tall, it seemed. He tried the door, but it wasfrozen shut. And even if Tooru could get out, there was no way thetrains were running in this, and no way he could walk halfway acrossthe city to his own flat. They were stuck.

“Uh,”he said eloquently, and Iwaizumi snorted.

“Youweren’t paying attention last night, were you?” he asked.

“Ihad other things on my mind,” Tooru snapped before he could stopthe words. He closed his eyes, hating himself for a moment. He didn’twant Iwaizumi thinking about the night before, about how weak Tooruwas to him, how he’d jumped at the opportunity as soon as itpresented itself. About what a shitty friend he was, for falling forhim so hard and so long ago.

Iwaizumiwas snickering, but all at once he sobered. “Tooru,”he said, and oh, how he had yearned for so long to hear that name onIwaizumi’s breath. And how it hurt now that he knew it didn’tmean what he wanted it to mean. “Come here.”

Tooruwas a weak man, and that meant he did what Iwaizumi told him, evenwhen every instinct in him was screaming to get out, get away, get asfar as he could before this conversation happened. He stood in frontof Iwaizumi, laid bare for all the he was the only one wearingclothes. Iwaizumi sighed heavily through his nose. Tooru closed hiseyes and waited for the ax to fall or the tears to come - whicheverhappened first.

Ahand brushed up the outside of his thigh, over his hip, thendisappeared for a moment before wrapping around his fingers. Tooru’seyes snapped open as Iwaizumi brought Tooru’s hand to rest againsthis forehead.

“Youhave no idea, do you?” he whispered. Tooru wanted to snatch hishand back, but every touch Iwaizumi gave him was sacred.

“Whatare you talking about, Iwa-chan?” He was just tired now, justwanted to go back to sleep, just wanted to go home and curl up underhis blankets and possibly die. Iwaizumi shook his head and looked upat Tooru. And Tooru looked at him.

Therewere twenty-seven years of friendship in those eyes. Twenty-sevenyears of trust and respect. Twenty-seven years, and perhaps not quitefourteen of something else, but enough. Enough. More than one night’sworth of adoration, of worship, of love. Tooru’s breath caught inhis chest at the stars, the galaxies, the universes in Iwaizumi’seyes.

“Lastnight,” Tooru started, then shook his head, and all the hope andthe light and the joy died in Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“Isee.”

“No,Iwa-chan, you don’t,” Tooru screeched, taking his hand back atlast and tangling its fingers in his hair. “You don’t get it.Fourteen years, three months, and twenty-six days I’ve been in lovewith you, and you finally give me one night, and I have to be happywith that! I have to pretend that’s all I want, because that’sall you want, isn’t it? I’m just a bauble to you, your bestfriend who happened to look good one night so you took him home and-”

“Ohmy god, shut up.” It wasn’t like any other time those words hadbeen said. Iwaizumi was smiling, standing, wrapping his arms aroundTooru. And then Iwaizumi was kissing him. Tooru kissed back, nomatter how he told himself not to, and when Iwaizumi pulled away, hejust felt defeated.

“Twelveyears,” Iwaizumi said, “six months, and four days.”

“Huh?”

“Notas long as you, but still a damn long time.”

AndTooru got it, at last. And Tooru smiled.

[rogueninja]

Okay so we all know who your top ships are... who are your unpopular ships? Or obscure ships? What characters from what series do you think about often in either good or bad ways? Who is a character that you hate that others love? If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

Ok I am digging through my brain right now bc if I’m not able to hyperfixate on something then I tend to forget I even liked it. Ok buckle in bc this is gonna be long af. YOU ASKED FOR THIS, REG.

I’m putting a readmore so as not to torture my followers lol

Thinking about Veronica Mars. About Veronica/Logan. Do they have a ship name?? But I love that show and i was THERE for them. They were kind of a surprise ship for me, in that when they got together I was like, wait, WHAT? Like I was totally caught off guard. But there first kiss is, like, sooo romantic to me haha. It’s my fave scene in the show. But Logan is suck a prick sometimes. And they break up like every five minutes. And every season Logan gets accused of murder which of course he ends up not being the murderer. And they get back together eventually and I’m like really? But deep down I am rooting for them lol. I really enjoyed the new season of Veronica Mars that came out last year, actually. The ending made me SO SAD THO.

I also used to watch Supergirl and I thought Kara and Mon-El were adorable. He was very Carswell Thorne-esque, RH, I *think* you would like him. I never watched past season 3(?) though, and he shoots off into space and I never caught up so a few months ago I actually googled what happens and [spoiler] he ends up marrying someone else in the future or something so I was like, ok I’m not investing any more time in this show lol. (Also I had to google Mon-El’s name just now bc i forgot which is a bad look BUT I WAS REALLY RIDE OR DIE FOR THEM FOR A WHILE lol). Also I loved Martian Manhunter in this show, he was my favorite character. But the CGI for him was awful, omg. He had practical makeup at first, they should have just stuck with that.

Speaking of Martian Manhunter, I also used to watch Young Justice and loved Miss Martian/Superboy. Am I basic??? lol oop. But I love basic love stories. Anyway, I thought they were super cute. In season 3 though they’re kind of on the rocks. I haven’t watched season 4. I also loved Artemis/Wally West, but of course that had to end tragically.

Also, let’s talk about Nightcrawler. Allow me to set the scene. Little Kat is 13 and just rediscovered the cartoon she saw a few times as a kid called X-Men: Evolution. And thus, a weird obsession with the German, blue demon boy began. I loved Kurt Wagner. In the cartoon he starts a relationship with Amanda Sefton and I thought they were a-dor-a-ble. She accepted him for who he was, and they had a really nice healthy relationship. A lot of ppl shipped him with Kitty too which i am honestly all for idec I JUST WANT THE BLUE BOI TO BE HAPPY.

Can we talk about A:TLA too??? Like, obviously Zutara, amiright? Power couple. Like, Kataang is.. fine, but its probably my least favorite part about the ending, haha. Also, consider: Tokka. Toph is bae and can get anyone she wants, and she clearly had kind of a crush on Sokka and I think they could have been awesome. It actually kills me that they never say who Lin and Suyin’s father is in LoK. I had a whole theory that it was that kid The Duke from Jet’s band based on like 2 scenes from the series. There’s a tumblr post I made about it somewhere in the ether lol.

I also just remembered Tahnorra (Tahno/Korra) from Legend of Korra. It’s hard for me to explain this one. It’s a weird combination of being hyperfixated on the first season of the show when it came out, and I think I stumbled upon some fic or something???? And I thought Tahno was hot or something??? And FUN FACT, he was voice by Rami Malek BEFORE HE WAS COOL. So like before Rami really got big I knew who he was. He also basically played the Avatar in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I thought that connection was hilarious. It was kind of a problematic crack pairing but there was one author in particular whom i follow to this day hoping she’ll update her Tahnorra fics…. *sigh*

Okay one last ship…. I used to be ride or die for Outlaw Queen in Once Upon a Time (aka Regina/Robin Hood). Like, before TLC, I had a personal tumblr renaissance for that ship alone. My only existing published fanfic is for that ship. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that year and I related every dang song to that ship. I loved Regina so much and I just wanted her to be happy. That show is a dumpster fire, though, and spat all over my hopes and dreams. *sigh*

Also, lightning round for obscure pairings I ship and/or never talk about:

Frank Castle/Karen Page (The Punisher) ok this one isnt that obscure but I never talk about it… but the pining, oh god the pining

Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth (GoT) THEIR 5 SECONDS TOGETHER ARE THE ONLY WORTHY PART OF SEASON 8. everything after that never happened

I already listed Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB) as a top pairing previously but I feel the need to mention it again bc it was for real my OG OTP… LIKE U WANNA TALK ABOUT PINING…. *sobs*

Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) This used to be my fave book series and i loved how their relationship developed over the course of the books

Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) ok can we TALK ABOUT THIS??? They were both badass misfits and they were perfect for each other. But noooo JKR has to announce they marry some nobodies…. this is the only change the last movie did right

Midna/Link (Zelda: Twilight Princess) I honestly have no explanation for this lol

Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi (Star Wars) CAN U IMAGINE if anakin had a proper father figure and didnt have to abandon his mother to slavery

Obi-wan/Satine…. (Star Wars: The clone Wars) we know whats up

OK, to answer some of your other questions: character I hate that others love. HMMMM…….

This one seems too easy/obvious but Professor Snape? Like obviously there’s already a ton of discourse surrounding this but he was gross, mistreated his students for years, committed atrocities, couldn’t get over his high school crush, and we’re supposed to believe he’s a hero in the end and HARRY WOULD NAME HIS SON AFTER HIM….. uh no. “Always” is gross.

I’ve literally been wracking my brain for days and I can’t think of any more characters for this. OK I did some googling and I remembered some LOL.

Ross from friends…. I literally can’t stand him. He’s so entitled and just the worst. He tries to act like he’s the nice, sensitive guy, but really he is so full of himself. Joey on the other hand is portrayed as a womanizer but is actually super sweet and I love him

Archie from Riverdale… I have only seen the first 1.5 seasons ish but he is the worst…. we’re supposed to believe he’s some easygoing musically gifted football player but instead he manages to pull off being bland as heck and actually kind of a terrible garbage person

Nick from chilling adventures of Sabrina. I hate characters that are like hitting on the main character even though she has a bf and are like dark and broody and sexy blah blah blah…. I liked Harvey way better. I never finished season 2 tho

Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time? Idk she was fine she just got old after a while

If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

HM. First, Harry would name his son Remus Rebeus Potter LOL. Ok but real talk there was a headcanon floating around forever ago that Harry should have become a professor at Hogwarts instead of an auror and I am 100% on board

Ok, ok….. what abouuuttt…… OK, is star wars when Han and Leia get together. I like them as a couple, but the entire first half of the movie Han is being such an ass. And when they kiss the first time, he’s being SOOO creepy. It’s like so quintessentially 80s romance. and HERE’S THE THING. They actually filmed (or maybe just wrote?) a version of that scene that WASNT CREEPY. And i’m like WHY DIDNT YOU USE THAT?!? So I like to pretend that’s the version that actually happened.

This part is way harder than the shipping portion. If I think of anything else i’l dm you. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING THIS NOVEL LENGTH POST OF ME RAMBLING ABOUT MY FIXATIONS OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS. If anyone actually read this far, you deserve a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket

[socstudies]

-- how my first day at school went --

[I just found this post in my drafts from my first day of school (almost a month ago) and I wanted to share it because it made me smile bc of how much it’s changed lol. For an update: I now have friends, know my way around and that girl from anthro left the class but we actually became friends because of another class so... it all worked out in the end lol]

Hi! I got back from my first day of sixth form at my new school a few hours ago and now that I’ve had time to rest and have lunch I’m going to tell you all about it! This post is going to be a long ramble so please enjoy.

I wasn’t as nervous in the morning as I thought I would be which was really weird (at my old school, especially over the last two years, I got really bad anxiety and literally couldn’t speak in my classes except to answer the register) I was expecting to be like crying and not wanting to go but I wasn’t so it felt weird to be feeling like “I should be freaking out right now”.

Though I’m glad I wasn’t freaking out!

I got a lift from my mum to school which was lucky because when I walked home I got really, really bad blisters which I don’t think I would have been able to handle. 

We had to line up to be told what form we were in and where to go and luckily I saw somebody from my old school who I forgot was coming (oops) and we bumped into each other at the gate and happened to be in the same form! Though she did make some friends and I didn’t so I felt like I was tagging on a bit when we were walking to our first class together but hopefully I’ll make some friends soon!

During form we were told a lot of information, mostly about coronavirus and then we were given our timetables and guess what? I finish at 12:30 every Friday :) We then had a fire drill but I didn’t know any names so I had to guess where I was in alphabetical order.

My first lesson - sheesh. I thought I had psychology because I read my timetable wrong so I went to that lesson... I got there and started talking to a really nice girl but then she asked if I’d done Business Studies before and that was when I clocked.... So I went to my ACTUAL psychology room, walked in and wasn’t on the seating plan so I got out my timetable and found out I didn’t even have psychology...

I managed to make it to my anthropology class which was where I was supposed to be but it was one of those awkward situations where you’re told to talk in pairs and you’re the only pair not talking... I really hope I get more confident around her so we can actually talk and it not be awkward. However, it got worse because my anthro teacher got the school timetable timings wrong and let us go 10 minutes late AND I got lost so I turned up around 15+ minutes late to my next lesson. 

English was really awkward because 1. I was late and 2. the person next to me was really smart and had had a head start having things explained to him and reading the text but since I was late I had to guess and he must have thought I was stupid aghh

After that I was able to go home! I only had two lessons today and got homework from one which will just take two minutes once I’ve been given my school email.

Sorry that this is so long but I wanted to get this off my chest :)

[here4fandomtrash]

Oops forgot to post this like forever ago OTL

So I made a dmc OC ;w; (well i made her over the course of months and need to post her full info on toyhou.se still... and I have 3 other OCs that I need to flesh out more b ut--)

Her name is Valda, her birthday is July 11th and shes around 40 by the time dmc 5 takes place. Oh, and shes a human that was raised by a demon lol. 

Some quick background; when she was like 4-5 her family home brunt down and her family parishes in the fire. (Was caused by pyromaniac who also robbed the house.) A demon named Orias found her burning home and saved her. From that point on Orias was her caretaker for a good majority of her life and gave her the name Valda. 

shes naïve af kinda since she was sheltered by demon papa for the most part and only started to teach her how to use weapons (A silver double barrel handgun named the Baroness ) and her demon familiar when she was 11-12  (Her main weapon/devilarm is a hammer polearm named Baron)

Val was around 15-ish when her demon papa Orias went missing; the house being trashed and ransacked. So her whole thing is trying to find him and hunting down demons and shit that may know where he is.  Pre dmc 3 shes kinda trash at combat and eventually learns how to fight proper when she cross paths with Cassia ( @hairjel‘s wonderful OC) then later Dante teaches her some combat as well. (and not til like dmc 2-4 are they a thing and its cute s hush) 

Buut yeah ;w; any questions about her or how i can possibly add to her drop me an ask <3 or if you have any OCs I’d love to hear about them >w< -Kae

[nikatyler]

*gasp* a replies post! A long replies post! A long replies post where I overshare again! *o* Yeah I kinda missed doing these. I’m now at home, but won’t be for much longer. First, I’m going to meet some of my new classmates on Friday and I’ll spend the whole weekend with them! We’re going somewhere...well I don’t even know where that is, just that it’s in nature and I’ve never been there before! Thank gods we’re meeting at the main station in Prague, or else I wouldn’t get there myself. Then on Moday, I have to go to my uni, and then once more on Wednesday I think? And on Wednesday, I’ll have to wake up at 4 am. my LiFe Is SoOoOOOoO HaRd oH mY gOd. No, I’ll be fine.

And a month from now, I’ll be moving to my dorm. That’s some crazy stuff. I can’t believe it’s happening. Last week, my dad actually took me to Prague and we went to see where it is. The location reminds me a lot of my home, but I won’t tell you what exactly that is because no one needs to know that. Anyway, school starts in October. I’m actually looking forward to studying, but the “living alone in a big city with people I’ve never seen before” part is scary. D: I’ll give you updates.

Anyway, today was a weird day. First, I sat alone by the lake when these two guys came and talked to me (I didn’t mind that actually, they were kinda nice), then when I got up and said I had to go home, one of them complimented my legs...which would’ve been really nice but then he basically implied he’d go to bed with me...and like literally five minutes ago he said he had a girlfriend...basically men are scary. Then later, mum and I went grocery shopping and I saw my middle school crush with his girlfriend...and decided that his girlfriend is cute, way cuter than him actually...bisexual culture I guess, crushing on your middle school crush’s girlfriend lmao. Then we went to pay for our groceries and the cashier...was my childhood friend who also happened to be my first crush and also my last crush and these days I’m wondering if I’m really crushing on him or if I’m just holding onto him because I don’t know any better. Long story but if you ever feel like I have a thing for childhood friends to lovers trope, maybe blame him.

Wow. Oversharing much? Let’s get to those replies then, before I tell you what colour my underwear is or something.

Also!! Stream Lover. You won’t regret it.

volcanopasta replied to your photoset “@ ea guess what we still don’t have in ts4”

I miss spooning

I feel like that’s one of those little things half of the community misses. ;-;

simlishprincess replied to your photoset “MAGNOLIA???”

she’s morphing

She’s broken like this really often and it scares me :D

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Vanessa: “So do you forgive me?” Gwyneth: “Of course I do. I must...”

Lol, a bpr founder telling thez plan no more children, they are so funny

These sims have no clue what I have in store

And just you wait for gen 2

Just you wait

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “There it is. Wonder what she could use the computer for…;) (no, I...”

Well I can`t say this is surprisingXD

Yeah...do most people go for purple? At least most bpr people I follow/followed went for this colour :D I also wanted to do this thing where the founder chooses the pink person, but the heir is purple. Idk why, I just wanted it to be like that haha

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Uhh oh hi again. You guys are seeing this right after the last post,...”

Jeez, Vanessa looks like that liquid Terminaor from Terninator 2.Funnily enough he was posing as a police officerXD

Lol I have no idea what you’re talking about because I’m bad at watching iconic movies (read as: I haven’t watched any of the movies that people think everyone has watched :’D) but I’ll believe you lmao

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “I really can’t justify this, can I? Listen, I have to stay true to my...”

Sometimes the aliens won't let you go even if you want to.

Oh you’re right

create-a-sim replied to your photoset “She traded her policeman hat for a fishnet top. Fashion, you know.”

me as a policeman

Saaaame

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “You know how I said I couldn’t justify this? Well…Alexa play Oops I...”

Yeah, make Roxanne that purple sibling/s

Careful what you wish for 👀

dandylion240 replied to your post “The power of what sharing a worry with someone can do amazes me, as a...”

Awe I'm glad you didn't delete without telling anyone. You would have been missed. But you're not the only one who thinks about doing that though.

I love seeing you on my dash ❤️

1o8percent replied to your post “The power of what sharing a worry with someone can do amazes me, as a...”

I’m glad that sharing your worries was able to help you. Simblr can be overwhelming and well life in general can be too. It’s nice to have someone to let it out to. I’m glad you’re still around!

♥♥♥

Thank you guys so much. This happens to me from time to time, but it’s never been this bad.

desira-sims replied to your post “Random thoughts and ideas: NSB, BC and my hair (again)”

I’m slowly working through the sentence starters too. I didn’t realize quite how difficult some of them would be. Lol

Same! I might incorporate one of them into my yellow gen because it would fit there perfectly. God I’m really going to milk this one awful awful event for angst huh. That will be frowned upon. As for the other...I have an idea for it but it doesn’t fit the og Raleb timeline at all (it was for them) and I want it to be canon...like I kinda just don’t want to call it an AU, but I guess I’ll have to.

aiseinei replied to your photoset “Eden: “Ughhh oh my god my life is soooo hard!”

I would be too if I was stuck staring pink in the mirror for the rest of my life �� no very cute!

Oof same haha. One of the reasons why I was hesitant about starting BPR was the pink :D

And then I went and made my founder marry a pink sim and have four pink children with her, because that makes sense. I love making myself suffer, yay!

Thank you, btw!

medleymisty replied to your post “I'm not saying I want to re-read my entire NSB but...I kinda do. Will...”

*hugs* We're our own worst critics. I used to cringe at my old stuff too, but really it was decent. I might have learned more since then, but it was still good. I'm glad you can see the good in yours. :)

I’m definitely not as hard at my younger self anymore. I went and read some of my stories written when I was 13-14, and I tried to look at it that way. They weren’t perfect, but maybe they were good for a child of that age. I mean, I always got good grades on my writing homework, and my teachers have always liked how I worked with words, so...yeah, it’s not perfect, but I’m not going to have perfectly fleshed out characters and storylines when I have barely even understood that the world isn’t just black and white, good and evil. There are shades inbetween.

That got deep again but I have a lot of feelings about this and I’m sorry to my younger writer self for how I’ve treated her. Keep going, kid.

xiapxls replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me! Whenever I come across a new blog I'm interested in I always read everything before I hit follow

whysimstho replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

It was how I found your blog actually!

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I have! ✋✋

elisabettasims replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I feel like I read over 90% of it?

dandylion240 replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me. Was in love with Ross since he was born in game. He was such a lil cutie!!

desira-sims replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

Me! Came across a Ross and Caleb post and went back to the beginning to read it all.

1o8percent replied to your post “Well, of course my bad wifi had to ruin everything. I guess I will go...”

I have ��

Wooow there’s a lot of you. And you stuck with me through the bad and the worse, through all the dumb ideas I got...thank you. Seriously, thank you. There’s more in store, I promise.

You’ll want to punch me in the face eventually, I’m just saying.

Speaking of punching someone in the face, yesterday I was waiting for my hair to dry and I thought hmm, let’s go read gen 2 of my NSB. And...I knew Ross was an idiot when he was young, but I forgot he was that bad. I’m glad none of us accepted it and we only collectively forgave him when he got his crap together. Yay. Also yay we didn’t cancel him because cancel culture is disgusting, people can learn from their mistakes.

I’m going off topic again. That happens when I’m in a good mood.

elisabettasims replied to your post “Let's play a game, "how many more curly maxis match hair can I...”

It's true, there is never enough.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Let's play a game, "how many more curly maxis match hair can I...”

There is never enough

Glad we’re on the same page haha

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “��”

Yes, tumblr finally stopped bullying me and send my ask!

Yay tumblr, it got its crap together for once!

No, jokes aside, if you ever send me an ask and I don’t respond, feel free to send it again. I think I got better at answering my asks fast, so you can definitely tell by that. Also, if I answer everyone else’s and not yours...that’s also a sign because I hardly ever keep asks private (unless I’ve been asked to do so, then I’ll always respect your wish!)

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “I have to catch a bus in like ten minutes but here’s what I’ve been...”

This hairstyle suits Ross!

It kinda really does?? It was also the closest I could get to his ts4 one haha.

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Contestant number seven has arrived! Talia: “Is everything alright?...”

god yeah as an experienced bc player i feel that, introductions take SO long and get SO annoying

I had an “ok I’m never doing this again” moment with literally every contestant because 1) it was taking forever and 2) making ten different and yet still entertaining dialogues was hard

And I write a lot so you’d say that would be easy for me, but nope :’D

doka-chan replied to your post “I don't know how many of you are interested in my book...”

Book recommendations are always a plus. Thank you ! :)

I like them too! Not only because, well, I get a book recommendation, but also because I’m always curious about what people read haha.

vintageplumbobs replied to your post “Just queued episode 2 of the BC and one of the posts got flagged…wanna...”

Not all of us have time for breakfast! I can’t be looking at that in the staff kitchen! People will riot! ����

Oh that’s right, forgive me tumblr, I have sinned

desira-sims replied to your post “But I’ve never told you that before.” Caleb and Ross, please? ��”

That is the sweetest thing ever. ������

dandylion240 replied to your post “But I’ve never told you that before.” Caleb and Ross, please? ��”

I love it ❤️

Thank you guys ;-; ♥ I loved writing this so much. It gave me that nice warm feeling inside, you know what I mean? They make me so happy! ;-;

wcif a vampire best friend that would eventually end up marrying me?

dandylion240 replied to your post “Just queued episode 2 of the BC and one of the posts got flagged…wanna...”

Every single post of Emerson bc was flagged and they weren’t nsfw either mostly

Yeah, this is so weird...I know people say it happens when the picture has a lot of “skintone” coloured pixels...but that’s not always the case with my flagged posts??

Also (I’ll never shut up about this)...why is there a female-presenting nipples rule when it clearly can’t ever tell female and male nipples apart? I’m just saying. And yes I get it, for AI it sure has to be difficult to tell such things apart but in my opinion that’s exactly why they should get rid of it and only incorporate it when it can tell it apart. Actually, hold on, nope. The nipple rule is stupid no matter what gender the nipple is.

And I’ve just used the word nipple more times than ever before in my nineteen-something years long life.

desira-sims replied to your photoset “Some more pictures of Aretha ♥”

She's so pretty

Thank you! ♥ I’m happy with how she turned out.

vintageplumbobs replied to your photoset “I did not forget about those townie makeovers! @epicvictoria suggested...”

That style really suits her. But then...maybe I’m biased...

I think it suits her way better than her original outfits too, but same, I might be biased...vintage/retro aesthetic is my jam.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “How to tell which characters are my favourite? Well, they probably...”

Looking good!

omiscanking replied to your photoset “How to tell which characters are my favourite? Well, they probably...”

I'm scrEAMINGGGG

Haha thank you! I hope it’s a good kind of screaming :D

toxoplasmajuice replied to your post “Thoughts?”

screenshots are cool and all but i say if you wanna rely more on text then go for it! especially if you've figured out that taking all those screenshots is an obstacle for you - do what works best for you, you know?

doka-chan replied to your post “Thoughts?”

For me a story is up to its writer. I don't mind only one picture with a huge text, or the contrary a lot of picture with little to no text. As long as we got attached to the characters, it's not important, as long as it's progressing and understandable.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Thoughts?”

I don’t mind reading a lot of text. Pics are always second to the story to me.

desira-sims replied to your post “Thoughts?”

I sort of think there should be a balance. No, not everything needs to be shown as a ss, but it should be more than one photo for a wall of text.

Thank you for your feedback! I think it would be no more than one Word page of text. Which is a lot still but I think that’s the maximum I’d go for. And I mean, I’d show all the important moments. It’s just, I guess I don’t need ten different pictures of the same conversation when these people are just standing next to each other. And it doesn’t need to be split into ten different posts either.

I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.

deathflowertea replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

TS4 looks good on her! ��

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

Cute!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “the softest bean �� alternate, boring caption: So I finally decided to...”

I love her!!

Thank you guys! I really like how she turned out too.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “I'm thinking of starting something like "random facts about..." tags...”

I do love when people talk about their characters and stories! It makes OCs more real and all the small details are just adorable!

Me too. I want to know all the details. Tell me how you came up with this or that. Tell me what inspired you to do this. Tell me which song you associate with them. Tell me little things like what shower gel they’re using. I JUST LOVE OCS OKAY

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Nicky: “This is a tragedy. Can I burn my picture before anyone sees...”

me whenever i finish a drawing

big relatable mood

create-a-sim replied to your post “list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for...”

I love good lyrics as well ;)

I’ve recently found a lot of appreciation for lyrics that seem simple, but then you get into them or read some behind the scenes facts and realize they’re not as simple as they might seem. Then I feel like the person who wrote it is a genius.

ineptbubbles replied to your photoset “Could I ever get bored of her? Nope.  Could I ever get bored of making...”

Omgosh I love that shirt!!

Me toooo and I need one irl ;-; But I mean, I’ve told my sister so many times this week, maybe when my birthday comes around in December, she’ll remember and she’ll tell my parents I want it? :D I mean I could just ask them for that myself but I just know I’d be embarrassed for some reason.

mlpsimmer replied to your photoset “Roxanne: “Dad, what are you doing here?! You told me you were supposed...”

Your sims are gorgeous!

Thank you so muuuuch! ♥

desira-sims replied to your post “Fluff sentence starter 16. “Do you think the moon is jealous of how...”

These two. �� My heart. I just love them.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Fluff sentence starter 16. “Do you think the moon is jealous of how...”

I love this thank you ❤️

Same. They borrowed my heart, said they’d give it back and then ran away with it and I never saw it again. smh guys, stealing isn’t nice

And no, thank YOU for making me write this ♥

mlpsimmer replied to your post “Tumblr……..your protect-kids-from-seeing-nipples algorithm still isn’t...”

It happened to one of my drafts, which was never published. They were fully dressed, too! It's a little annoying.

Yeah, I just talked about this above in a reply to an older comment. It’s...ugh tumblr, what is u doing

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2018)

For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

 The Promises I Made (2018 edition)

1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD

2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?

3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…

4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!

5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.

7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.

8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.

11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.

12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...

14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.

15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?

16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.  

17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.

18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.

19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.

20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.

21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/

22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T

24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V

25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.

26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.

27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…

28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…

29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.

30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.

31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…

32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.

33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.

34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T

35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.

36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.

37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.

38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…

39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…

40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???

41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…

44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…

45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;

46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…

47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.

48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.

49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9

Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?

  Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.