#I made myself cry writing this as well hahahaha

[bidean-byedean]

rewatched Eddie Begins and got fixated on what if Eddie did die in the well that day and I started writing it but then was immediately sobbing so here’s the stream of consciousness version;

he never found a way out, but he stays with Buck. he stays with Buck for years, making snarky comments and giving him advice on calls and talking him off ledges when he spirals. Buck’s life becomes so small, everything shrinks away except Eddie’s ghost, he can’t tell anyone about him, obviously, and he knows it’s wrong, he knows it’s fucked but why would he give Eddie up? How could he give Eddie up? He needs Eddie, they were never meant to live apart, there isn’t a universe where that makes any sense. So he lives in Eddie’s house and raises Eddie’s kid and follows Eddie’s plan and Eddie has been dead for years but no one else can touch Buck. he dates girls that Eddie would’ve dated but it’s impossible to have a serious relationship when you’re already committed to your best friend’s ghost and they all think they can make him better and he doesn’t want to get better. There is no better…

At first there is some distance, he gets dates mostly alone but at some point eddie is just always there. More constant than Buck’s shadow, his inner voice manifested. And at first Eddie leaves when he has sex, looks away when his grief lifts enough and touches himself again, but then one day he watches him fuck someone. the first time he’s silent, then he talks, he gives pointers, helps Buck up his game, and then he moans. then he sits on the bed. then he sits next to Buck. then he touches Buck. it’s so good and he’s not fucking real, he’s dead, and Buck tries to get rid of him then because he realises how insane he is and how unsustainable this is. Maybe it works for a bit, he gets a few months of silence, he tries to learn how to be just Buck again and it’s weird and uncomfortable but he does it! It feels good!

but Eddie comes back, pick an emergency or a spiral, and Buck just needs him so he’s there because that’s how this works. it gets unhinged so fast, his whole life is eddieeddieeddie and it’s so much, it’s too much, he wants it to end and it can’t end because if it ends then he’ll end too. maybe that’s for the best but he can’t because he has Chris and maddie and Bobby and the rest of the 118 and all the people that he saves by staying alive, so he trudges through the mud, gasping for air, hoping someone will see him, that someone will just fucking pull him out of the well because he never left. Neither of them ever left, even though Eddie is rotting under six feet of earth and Buck is walking around LA, but they’re both in that fucking well and he’s been drowning for years.

and then Buck dies. We get the comaverse except Eddie is there, he’s quiet and he lets Buck do his thing for a while but eventually we get to Eddie because he’s the thing holding Buck back. they talk about it, how Buck died that day too, how he’s a walking corpse, how his life is a hollow imitation of something he once dreamt about, how he might as well just go full crazy dig Eddie up and prop him up at the dining table because he’s basically there. they talk about how it’s hurting Christopher and the 118, how Buck’s grief is like a snare, like a land mine, like a sinkhole, like a tsunami, like a never-ending well into the dark, cold water. and Eddie gives him an ultimatum: stay with him now or let him go. and Buck’s heart breaks so loudly across his face and the clock is running out and we’re screaming at the TV because how do you make this choice? Never see Eddie’s face again? Never hear his voice? Never know what he’s thinks about the girl in the coffee shop or the point of entry on a rope rescue or which college Christopher should go to or- and Buck kisses him for the first time. it’s beautiful. it’s everything a first kiss should be and Buck could kiss him forever and he sees the other timelines, the right timelines where Eddie didn’t die and Buck kisses him in the hospital, or after Chris leaves for summer camp or after Abby blows through town and opens all his old wounds, or one of the million other times he should’ve kissed him in the show as we know it now, but they’re not real and this isn’t real and Buck is flatlining and running out of time, and he needs to breathe for the first time since Eddie drowned. so he does.

It’s lonely without Eddie, it always was, it always would be but the space that his ghost took up is slowly filled by real, living people, people who love Buck, who can touch him, who can make him feel like his body is his own again. he becomes a person again and he sells the house and buys something else that him and Chris choose together because they are alive and Eddie’s not and Shannon’s not and it’s fucking awful but they are alive, so they choose the house. After years of winter, Buck blooms again. he still follows Chim into the helicopter to save Bobby, he still turns up at harbour for a tour, but there’s no Eddie to compete with so things happen a little differently; maybe he takes those flying lessons instead or Muay Thai because it always made Eddie laugh when he tried to teach him so maybe it would be fun again. and they fall in love slowly and all at once, and Buck wishes he could freak out to Eddie, tell him all the crazy feelings rushing around his body and how it makes so much sense, and how being in love with Eddie wasn’t a weird grief reaction. and yeah, the sudden realisation that he was actually in love with Eddie is a new knife in his side, that he missed his chance to spend his life with Eddie as more than his best friend, and he didn’t even know. so he tells tommy about Eddie, about how he hated him at first and how they bonded and their camaraderie and becoming Chris’ second dad and their friendship and tommy lets him. he doesn’t talk about the day eddie died, not for a long time, not until him and tommy have said I love you so many times it becomes routine and suddenly Tommy’s in a helicopter that’s going down and he’s screaming mayday over the lafd radio and no one can do anything but listen, and he doesn’t die. he doesn’t die. So buck proposes, says I can’t let this happen again, I can’t lose the love of my life again without him knowing what he means, and before they get married Buck tells him about the well and the holding his cold lifeless hand in the ambulance and talking to him like he was just sleeping and the funeral and the first time eddie popped up and just how bad it all got and the coma dream and tommy doesn’t run. they love each other, they say their vows, they make room for Buck’s grief, but they also build a life, they keep him above water for a long, eventful life filled with love because that what Buck deserves.

[fall0utmind]

Hiiiii sooo, loved this chapter so much

Wanted to kill myself reading it but oh well

He has a message from Casey Stoner, telling him to keep his head up and to ignore the media, although his choice of words is a little stronger

Casey I love you, I hope we get to see more of him in the future

Stop playing games

Now, why was my first thought Uccio🤨

Alex is just glad he still has an older brother

What if I cry 😭

I love their bond sooo much

because Marc Marquez is synonymous with winning, it is his purpose and his destiny. If he is not riding, if he is not winning, he does not know who he truly is.

Yes, you are that bitch Next chapter better have his win🙄💅

(*cough*bikefucker*cough*)

(I'm gonna ignore the implications of the last sentence for my mental health)

Tell Dovi he’s a dick for stealing my thunder. Unfair advantage, he was already in the country. We’ll be there in a few hours

Maybe these 2 will do something so he doesn't think THAT bad of himself

Dovi, I love you, you have my heart(Aleix too, loved that scene)

Marc doesn’t look back, mind too preoccupied with the stewing self-loathing in his gut and the cloud of dark thoughts in his head. As such, he doesn’t see Pecco looming over the man who spat such vicious words at him, gesturing at security for him to be removed and permanently banned. He doesn’t see the older Italian glaring at Marc and Dovi’s retreating forms, a mixture of resentment and jealousy staining his features. He does, however, hear Valentino whispering that it’s not worth it, leading a distraught Pecco away, cracking Marc’s heart clean in two, once again.

Peccoooo, I love you, hope we get to see them interact more soon(will we sometime get the taxi scene?)

Also vale being vale

I love every fic where Vale is jealous over dovi It hits like crack every time

And of course the media being the worst as always 😒(maybe we can get him to see/hear some nice words from strangers pretty please 🥺)

In summary, this chapter made me want to kms but the fluff made it worth it

Can't wait to see where you take this story

Helllloooo, fancy seeing you here!!!

I feel like I don't know Casey well enough to write him! But I cam certainly try! Maybe in a spin off?

No comment on Uccio hehe

Marc was truly made for winning, but I cant say whether he will or not :)

So glad you love the protective vibes from Alex/Aleix/Dani/Dovi

I will say that they are the main sources of comfort in the coming chapters- especially the next one!!!

No taxi scene in this fic butttttt lots of Marcnaia interaction coming up!! They play a big role for me in this fic

You keep saying things that I've already written hahahaha! Imma leave it at that for what I'll say spoiler wise 🫶🏼

On a serious note, I know you're probably joking about wanting to kill yourself, but please do look after yourself! Especially if the fic is triggering for you! 🤍🤍.

Can always message me :)

[igotanidea]

Here we go again : Matt Murdock x reader x Dick Grayson

A/N: I think I got myself into an unhealthy addiction of writing stories based on the songs stuck in my head, but well, it fits, so why not.

A/N 2 : This is just something to make you grasp the idea behind the story. The next chapters are going to go back in time to properly deal with the timeline and events.

inspired by : That's hilarious by Charlie Puth.

PROLOGUE

That's hilarious

Hahahaha.....

haha

Yeah, if you haven't already guessed I'm laughing because at this point nothing seems real anymore and if I wasn't laughing at the irony I would probably start crying, screaming and then jump our of the window.

Let me give you a quick introduction into my life, so you could understand me better.

Hi,

my name is Y/N and I'm a citizen developer. Which means I pretty much do everything that has to do with IT, Artificial Inteligence, programming, computers and programming. I loved my job to the point where I was spending hours and hours in front of the screen to be the very best. And truly, finally I got to the top. At the age of 21 I was a most-known in my profession.

And that got me some attention.

Did I mention I was born and living in Gotham?

So, perhaps you guessed who was the guy that gave me my first job?

No?

Well, it was Bruce Wayne. Yes, Wayne as in Wayne Enterprises.

Oh, god, I was on cloud nine being able to put my hands on all that technology, give my ideas and finally having someone to listen and apreciate them. I upgraded it, gave a bit of personal touch to the systems and god, it was amazing., I felt like I was where I belonged.

Bruce, however reserved and distant he was soon started to treat me like his own daughter. I mean, what else can you expect from a relationship between a CEO who spend most of his time with the youngest IT who also happened to be a half-orphan?

So, soon, he let me into the Wayne Manor, where I met his adopted son, Dick. Quite different than his parential figure, but pretty much the same with distant and pushing away. I didn't force him. It took us half a year to become some sort of friends and another half a year to fall truly, madly, deeply in love. No irony here. We spend a lot of time together. Or at least as much as our busy schedules allowed us to. Dick was a detective with crazy work hours, both night and day so when I get the chance I worked from the Manor, even when Bruce was not content with it.

Now that I think about it, i wonder how love-blinded I was.

That's when the story starts to go downhill.

When I was 23, Wayne Enterprises' tech department, with me leading it, introduced some new prototype. The whole project was on the highest security level, full NDA and confidentiality, so from some point the only people involved in the details were me and Bruce. I was literally sunsine and rainbows I get to be involved, hell! be the head of the assignment.

Until I got myself in trouble walking home from work at late night.

Remember, it was Gotham City and I was overwhelmed with our success.

So, due to my absent-mindedness some assaulters came right at me, grabbing both of my arms and dragging me into the dark alley. Of course I was figthing back, screaming and squirming, but what can one girl do in confrontation with 3 pretty beefy men?

Yes, three points for the right answer. NOTHING.

I was pretty much saying goodbye to my life (or at least my sexual health and good memories in that aspect - thank you, Dick Grayson for giving me them) when Gotham's heroes - Batman and Robin decided to show up, blowing everything and beating the assaulters to shit. Maybe they exaggareted a bit, after all those men were not criminals, and there was no need to knock them unconscious and that made me wonder. Still a bit overwhelmed I looked around and then I spotted Batman's new gear. Based on the technology I created.

So there were two, maybe three options:

Batman stole the technology from Wayne, and therefore he was not a hero everyone believed him to

Batman got the techonology from Wayne and therefore Bruce knew Batman's identity (Bruce would never let anyone, even the hero got it without checking all the details)

Bruce was Batman.......

"Bruce......?"

"Y/N."

"What is going on here?" I took a step back and bumped into wall

"Let me explain it to you....."

"Y/N!" another voice came from my right and before I realised what was happening, another caped vigilante was holding me close to his chest, his warm embrace being oddly famliiar. "Are you alright?" Robin's hands started caressing my back, his breaht ticking my face.

Holy fuck!

If Bruce was Batman than .....

"Dick?" my eyes went wide. Stupid, stupid girl! You should have known!

"Are you all right?" he asked again, a mix of desperation and remorse in his voice.

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I don't know. What is this? some sort of Surprise Sur Price?"

"Let us explain...." Dick took a quick glance at Batman Bruce who nodded

"Not here. It's not safe."

NOT SAFE!?

"Y/N." Dick took my hand squizing it gently, but lovingly "come on, baby, let's get you out of here."

"Um, well, okey...."

They got me to the Manor and then, since the secret was out and in their own words, they trusted me, I got a quick tour around the batcave. Yeah, they trusted me so much they kept their second life in secret for two fucking years! How is that trust?! I felt betrayed, played with, used, you name it. All that anger made me cry and clench my fist at the same time, my face going red and my heart at the edge of literally breaking.

"Talk to her." apparently that was too much for Bruce, since he decided to let my boyfriend deal with the damage. "You're off the patrol tonigh. Just make sure she'll be fine."

Oh, quite a conversation it was. However, at first not many words were used..... Anger, or rather fury, found another way out......But, when we both calmed down enough to use our mouths to actually echange full sentences it was all painfully clear.

The problem about heroes comes down to the fact that when being torn between their mission and the person they love ,they always choose the duty. And Dick did exactly that when he decided to sweet talk all my worries and cover up the truth for two whole years. That was sad. But, trying to be rational, I didn't scream or blame him. To some point I understood his motives, I mean, as a gotham citizen. As his girlfiriend I could not. I stayed in the manor until he felt asleep in his serene belief we were fine now.

We weren't.

I left Gotham that nigh, leaving him a letter explaing why I had to do this and kindly asking him not to look for me. The thought of the heartbreak he had to go through must have been soul-piercing. At least that's how it was for me when I found myself in Hell's kitchen trying to put my life together and move on.

I found a new job, but it was not the same without him.

And then Matt Murdock came into my life. He was such a nice guy, With an opinion amongst girls, as his best friend Foggy told me. Well, I was not going to fall for him. I had my walls high. Matt and Foggy were both lawyers and a bit of tech was kind of useful in this profession so soon we were working together. As friends. But clearly it was not enough for Matt. We were working late in his aparment, foggy has already left and I was picking my stuff to go home as well, already halfway to the door when Murdock yanked me back by my hand and kissed me with the most knee-buckling, hot, passionate kiss. You know, the one when you just reciprocate in an instant, no need to process what the hell is going on, while the other person's hand sneak around you pulling you closer. At first, i just let him caress my body, but quickly fall on the concrete.

"Stay with me...." he whispered against my lips

"Matt...." I pushed him away and he backed out immidiately

"I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't mean to push you, but I just... I have so many feeligns for you."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just..... not ready. Yet."

"Yet?" damn lawyers

"Yet" I smiled lightly to defuse the tension

"Well then, I'm not giving up on you".

***

You know the saying "the history repeats itself?" Well it really does. I learned that in a painfull way, when a month later it turned out Matt Murdock was the devil of hell's kitchen. DAREDEVIL for fuck's sake. What was wrong with me and why the hell was I attracting vigilantes from the whole damn country?!

At least I didn't have to get myself in trouble to get to know his secret identity.

Oh no.

This was much worse when he stumbled into my apartment at 3 a.m. waking me up, in not so pleasant way, al bloody and on the verge of life. Yeah, we.... well, we had an argument. But somehow, he convinced me to stay. Something Dick couldn't do in the past. He never asked me to stay.

So I give in to the hope that this time it would be diffent. And I stayed, ready to fight for whatever was blooming between us.

And I was happy-ish to work through it with him.

And I was slowly moving on.

Until one evening, half a year after I left Gotham the past came knocking at my door.

Literally.

I was at my apartment, working and cuddling with Matt when the noice from outside made me get up and open.

"Y/N...... I found you...."

Dick fucking Grayson was at my door.

"Y/N...." he whispered tenderly "I need you back. I want you back with me...."

"Y/N? who is that?" in a blink of an eye Matt was by my side and at this point I was just turning my gaze from one guy to another in shock.

"Who the fuck are you?" Dick hissed

"Well I could ask you the same question" Matt retorted coldly

"I'm her boyfriend" ok, now it was Robin talking

"Funny thing, because that is who I am." hello, Daredevil, nice to see you woke up as well. I guess it was automatic - when Dick went into vigilante mode, Matt responded with exact the same.

"Guys....." I tried to stop them, but they did not let me.

"So you must be the ex?" Matt smirked

"You know about me? Does she moan my name when you two....."

"Ok! Ok! That is enough!" ultimately I got their attention, pretty sure I was red as an apple due to Dick's words.

Now.

I was the only thing standing between two vigilantes in their full-on fighting mode, ready to kill each other .

Oh, boy......

@somest1

@pinksirensong

@everything2134

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

I see you

Sitting stoned on my couch, with the blanket we were gifted yesterday and Marian protected so dearly, he was his gift for his new flat. It’s so cozy I’m so happy like wtf how do I deserve this.

I meet so many beautiful people everyday. I just came from the museum with Emily and Ellie

they have so much in commmin and we have so much in common within each other. Ellie and I are born on the exact same day same year, emily and Ellie both come from uk both have this love and desire for the east and get it other immediately. It’s all so smooth as if we were friends forever, we go to this exhibition

it’s so good it’s so full but it’s still so easy everyone is appreciative. Everyone is beautiful the art is so amazing her book is sold out for ages I guy three postcards I knew immediately which ones I wanted. It’s all intuitively. We share so many interests

I learn so much from you Emily your so wise. You inspire me to the max.! So I sit here writing down all the beautiful things I have witnessed today I had ah amazing breakfast with Marian after an amazing weekend with him it’s like we’re glued together hahahaha when u don’t see u enough I’m going crazy like when I was waiting for u in the park with my friends haha u know what I am talking about, yes the night before was indescribable it just all came together then we met Joshua again the second night he joined us later again like the first night to then go to the spontaneous second house party with us. Joshua who is actually my bzw. Marians neighbor hahahahahah se everyone is my neighbor literally. He is very good looking and has a beautiful special spirit he loves to go the movies and we talked about Saint Omer and Wolfpack. Then we danced and smiled at each other like we’ve been friends forever. It’s insane. everyone is sweet everyone is welcoming this cooooool photographer just welcones a big group of young bobo kids and allows them to use their space to just put up some techno and get naked and get into ahh group make out so sexyyyy everyone is just sex I dance with Marian pole dance I dance with myself I dance with Mattia mattia is doing the most insane stunts

I meet another guuy from ifm Fabio is so kind, Pierre is so sweet Joshua and I dance to turn me on from Kevin lyttle, Mattia is yelling I wear TuS beautiful latex tip from Marie and everyone loves it Vittoria is straight ok kian is a seeethrart in a bike who loves nosferatu, pascaline has a million wigs. They’re all Italians and then there is Andrea and the sweet boy from

ifm who introduce himself with is IG handle iconic ?!! I sit here and think about the art I just saw when I met emotion and Ellie

this artist RINEKE dijkstra made very sensitive comments or quotations of different aspects and perspectives on art and society. She manage to capture very honest but conscious relevant moments of society. The perception of these young children who not only think about art in a very elaborated and reflected way because it is about perspective and perception two things everyone learns at a very young age is it through sound distance falling standing up touching things tasting, testing out we all know what I am talking about now.

this is literally all it takes to understand art and then contextualize it. And here jr comes what do we need to cintextualize and he’s true knowledge deffo helps. But ahhhh chicken. Egg chicken eggg chili en egg. What is knowledge.

anwhoo Emily said: ah this could be art critical so it wasn’t even me and we agreed in that point.

so basically this children analyze in a very elaborated way how the origin of this painting could be laying at. They name very emotional intelligent options for where the well-being or not existing well-being/ crying of this women can be originated. It goes from trauma, financial suffering, violence, loss, abuse, spirits, souls and health. Money power, loneliness togetherness

to just the fact that Picasso might have been liking the colors or maybe also he just wanted to do sth different. It’s plane but it’s smart and it’s honest and it’s diverse.

They remainders me of how I would imagine a Greek discussion instead of their school uniforms they would wear those toras? Is that the name those beautifully draped clothes going to finish this now and show some pics because I could keep going for ages sorryyy

[crystalclear97]

I WAS AT STAGE WITH PARAMORE 💜

Wow. I can't believe I'm writing this. Here I go.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and I'm writing this at the airport on my phone without thinking too much. So, sorry if I mess up with the grammar or something 🙏 (by the time I'm uploading it I'm already at home cause I wanted to add some pictures).

I made this account very recently because I was embarassed about fangirling too much at my main blogs where irl people followed me.

I dedicated this account mostly to aruani (snk) fandom but you've probably realized that I also share a lot Paramore stuff.

Well, I wasn't planning on ending anonymity anytime soon but... something BIG happened to me.

Last thursday I was able to go to my first Paramore show ever at Dublin. I've been dreaming about it for so many years. I've watched so many videos of fans going up stage at Misery Business and I've cried so many times watching them. I travelled from Spain, wrote in a huge sign "I crave to sing with you", arrived at queue at 8:15 am aprox, and waited (I had General Acces tickets!). The amazing Tom gave us some numbered wristbands so we could leave the queue and stay warm and healthy without losing our spot. He was the sweetest. Meanwhile I took a walk around, lucky enough to meet Brian Robert Jones and take a pic with him!!! Around 4 pm we were back at the queue and, yes, I was able to be at the same spot. ❤️

The second I entered the arena and realized how close I was to the stage I started ugly crying hahahaha. Rozi Plain was so sweet, Bloc Party was awesome (I really like them as well!!). And then they came out. At that moment I wasn't even crying anymore, I think I was disassociating a bit 🤣

They were amazing. Hayley is so talented, pretty and fun. THE ENERGY. I was holding up my sign maybe for too long and I could hear some people complaining about it behind me, which I totally understand... I felt so bad I started crying about it so I decided to not hold it up again until Misery Business :_) But soon the guilty tears turned into emotional tears, and I cried a lot during most of the show. I was SO EMOTIONAL during Last Hope... 🥺

AND THEN

Misery Business starts. Time to make Hayley spot me 🙏 Omg my stomach hurts while writing this... SHE. PICKED. ME. SHE FUCKING PICKED ME. I didn't realized, my boyfriend literally had to tell me because I was so nervous I didn't realized. Ok I think I'm going to cry again hahahaha.

She said she had been watching and knew exactly that it was going to be me. I can't believe it. At that moment I was so euphoric that I just went with the flow. Obviously I'd been preparing myself for this but you need to know I'm a very socially akward person, I have many anxiety issues, but IDK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME BUT I'M VERY PROUD OF MYSELF 😭😭😭 Hayley hugged me very hard, I told her I love her and thanked her a billion times. She is very tiny and I'm a big tall person but she PET MY HEAD 😭😭😭❤️ I can't believe she was so sweet!!!! I did it, I sang the song, I danced with Hayley, she said my name, we headbanged together... an amazing dream come true. I asked her to sign my (diy grow up) jacket and SHE DID IT!!! I was told to left very quickly (obviously 🤣) but she managed to sign it for me on time 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I also brought a marker in my pocket on purpose). I mean I WAS SO READY FOR IT 😭❤️

After that people were AMAZINGLY NICE TO ME. THANK YOU ALL WITH ALL MY HEART. It means the world to me that the other fans felt happy for me, so many people congratulated my, you are in my heart FOREVER. I felt kinda bad because I'm from Spain and I started thinking that maybe I didn't deserve it, that it should have been anyone from Dublin... I find it very difficult to feel worthy of all the goods things that happen to me, and to hear so many fans telling so many nice things, hugging me, even asking for pictures... You really made a difference in me. I'm crying. I wish I could share with you the feeling. THANK YOU DUBLIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! ❤️

This has changed my life forever. I also met Louise from Bloc Party after the show and she was LOVELY, eveything about that night has inspired me forever. I've been dreaming about making music by myself since I was a little child and just started to actually make it (kinda 🤣) a few months ago. But now... I feel so blessed and inspired I'm gonna try harder from now on.

MY WILDEST DREAMS CAME TRUE. Thank you Hayley for choosing me, thank you Paramore for changing my life, thank you Dublin for the unforgettable experience, thanks to the lovely fans I met there, and THANKS TO MY AMAZING BOYFRIEND for being there with my ALWAYS by my side. He knew it was going to be me. He fucking knew. I'm so grateful. I've been crying since that night. I'm crying right now and I'll never stop crying about this. This is a once in a lifetime experience, I am the luckiest person. A picture could not contain the way it feels.

WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOU AND WE ARE PARAMORE. ❤️

Pics by Eleanor (check out her work omg):

Pics by Charlie:

Pic by Laura:

13/04/23

[londonhalcyon]

hii London! hope you’re doing well <3

7. Have you ever written anything based on personal experience?

17. Free space-- ask anything

reading ch.22&30 of TMW always makes me cry haha…i was wondering if you’ve ever made yourself cry writing a chapter??

Hi! Thanks the ask!

7. Have I ever written anything based on personal experience?

Lily’s Magizoology chapters in “Those Years In Between”! Obviously I didn’t experience those exact scenes, but I drew more heavily on personal experience than I normally do when I write. I used to do 10 hours of marsh sparrow data QA/QC each week when I worked part-time as a wildlife tech in undergrad, so Lily losing her sanity over the handwriting and all the numbers was pretty much just me. The dragon oneshot was based on the time I nearly punched a blacktip shark while feeding stingrays, and the longleaf pine savanna from “In Hot Water” was based on TNC’s Green Swamp, which I’ve visited.

Otherwise, I try to avoid putting my voice blatantly in the narrative. I still draw on the familiar when possible to keep things feeling real and relatable, but that’s more extrapolation than anything else. If I haven’t seen or experienced something I’m attempting to write about, I look it up. Even if I have experienced something, I still look it up. I wrote chapter 33 with a google search of “lake sunsets” open in the next tab almost the entire time.

17. Free space: Have I ever made myself cry while writing a chapter?

Only once so far, and it was chapter 30, hahahaha. Normally I’m okay writing emotionally heavy chapters because I’m separate from the narrative and its narrator. But, while writing this chapter, I listened to this song on a loop for a full hour to hold myself in Lily’s headspace while I captured her voice. It worked a little too well. The lengths we go to for our art, huh?

Thanks again for the ask!

Questions from this ask game.

[cirqosmos]

oml your stories are sooooooooo great! im a huge fan of yandere anything and the heeseung one made my jaw drop its super believable in a way like i can see it so clearly. what image of heeseung did you have in mind when you made the fic? i remember reading he had the green hair so i'm assuming it was during dimensiondillema heeseung???? have you ever made a visual video or picture collage for the fic? id love to see it if you did this story is so amazing and i cant wait for the last chapter. i am biting my fingernails just excited for it. ITS GOING TO BE MINE!!!!!! hahahaha.

also the niki fic as well as love scam is just. i'm obsessed. my favorite is the yadnere heeseung but there all good. i have so much more questions but i want to wait for last chapter to come out before i ask becuz i dont want to ruin it for myself but i feel like i'm going to cry becuz it was so good. puhleese. i love you SM rn you have no clue.

Thank you very much! I appreciate this alot 💗

And yes you're right, the image of Heeseung in this fic is from Dimension: Dilemma. Also, nope! I don't make anything like visual video or picture collage for the fic, I only had this board in my Pinterest where I saved pictures of enha members and there inspirations tend to come, or sometimes i look at those pictures while I write. Thank you so much once again! Reading this makes me happy alot haha, this is def going to my motivation album :>

[neteluvr-library]

MA'M WE ARE AT THE CLIMAX!!!!!!! This chapter had me gripping the edge of my seat in anticipation of what was coming next when I first read it lol first and foremost i am a SLUT for angst, but this chapter truly shocked me because I did not expect it to be so profound. It is absolutely one of my favorite chapter out of the entire Cardigan saga and probably mytop chapter from you overall (Ocean and Engines is tied with Seven). Seven showcases some of your best writing capabilities. I love this chapter because it's so heartful and I feel like the audience (me) really got to know you more as a person and who you are because you can't just pull what you wrote out of thin air, this is genuine emotion here! I have re-read this chapter more times than I can count because it's just soo good ): And I mentioned this before in my Ocean and Engines annotations, but I love that your stories are more than just romance--they're about complex lessons and complex female characters and trying to figure out who you are and what life means. You're such an amazing storyteller and I will ALWAYS be in awe of you <3 i feel like i really want to do this chapter justice so this will probably be really long but if you get the chance to respond (don't worry bby i know your super busy) FUCKKKKK the other chapters and respond to this one the first because i feel like there is so much to discuss and i simply NEED your commentary

You robbed him of everything and your death will bring his own, maybe not physical, but spiritual and emotional. 

I have always loved this line (bro I have so many LOL every line is my favorite). Neteyam and Atan are so intertwined that killing her would like killing him ): he would be a ghost without Atan

He has never seen such behaviour from a banshee, and he realises painfully how much of an imprint you have made on this world, on life all around you.

The contrast between this and the previous chapter where you describe how Atan has lived her entire life on a planet not made for her yet she has made her own little impact on Pandora without knowing, she IS one of the people!!!!

Two fingers rushed to your throat, looking for a pulse he couldn’t feel. 

RIP ATAN 💀 she's joining the neteyam/vol, andraga12, and oare in the graveyard HAHAHAHA

Atokirina, dozens of them, floating down gently and peacefully until they reached your body, where they settled for a few seconds, before they all took flight again concomitantly.

EYWAAA SAVE MY GIRL ATAN PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

You were born just a couple of months apart, as if Eywa couldn’t wait any longer to join two souls who were meant to be.

IM CRYING ALREADY ): they are soulmates pleaseeeeeeeeee

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

NOT THIS QUOTE AGAIN 😭😭 its so beautiful and i will never get over it.

“My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.”

Another beautiful quote that wrecks me ): but like, it is literally Neteyam and Atan. Like if Atan died, Neteyam would be heartbroken and he would change completely, but he would still carry the bits of Atan in his being. And eventually, he would be okay even if it took a very long time. He's a strong person and he has a lot of mental fortitude. Neteyam, even if he did not want, would continue living for Atan. But Atan? Atan already ost Neteyam and lost a part of herself in the process; it exacerbated her depression. But if she lost him completely, like death, I truly think she would go crazy off the rails and just cease to become a person. If you thought she was bad now, she would become even worse--a literal fragment of a human being.

Which is funny because I don't think The Archer Atan would be the same. She would definitely grieve and forever be depressed on a level, but I think she's grown and matured enough that she would eventually be okay. But I don't see this Atan ever coming back from permanently losing Neteyam.

I see you are still my daughter’s angel, even after all this time. You always took care of her, from when you were both babies. We used to put you in the same crib and you would go to sleep holding hands. You both used to cry whenever it was time for us to return to the lab. Eventually, we had to give you a piece of clothing of the other, so you could sleep peacefully through the night. I always knew you were supposed to end up together. It’s part of the reason I worked so hard to decode the Avatar for her.” 

The mental image of baby Neteyam and Atan always warms my heart ): If there was ever a definition of soulmates, it would be them!!! Eywa 100% had the planned out all along, because how convenient is it that Neteyam's soulmate happens to be a human from another galaxy out of all chances? Babies are so big on energy so you already know that they must have shared the same energy for them to be so attached to each other ): also i need to hold a Na'vi sized baby because those mfs are probably the sizes of toddlers LOL

My daughter has grown so much, and so much grief grew along with her. And she learnt how to let grief grow until it is so big it cannot be contained within her body from me. But there’s still time for her to grow, too. Grow bigger than the grief.

This is actually so comforting to read and it serves as a lovely reminder that whatever you're going through in life, whether it be depression or anxiety or grief, you can always grow the opposite emotion just as large. If we have the capability to feel everything negative, then we have just as much of a capability to feel everything positive and those two are not mutually exclusive

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE IV: BARGAINING

NOW THIS IS THE SADDEST STAGE YET!!!! just pure tears and sobs and weaps and gasps

But most of all, you didn’t tell them because you didn’t want to know that people do love you, would suffer because of you, that your death impacted lives around you. You didn’t need the guilt. 

It's so scary knowing that people love you and it's a huge weight on one's shoulders--especially if you aren't happy with yourself or life. All your flaws on display for the people who love you to see? HELL NAH. I can totally see why Atan wouldn't tell anybody. Why make them carry that weight on their shoulders as well? Atan is such a sensitive person and I feel like she is trying to atone for someone else's sins by now allowing herself to be loved or cared for. And I think it all goes back to not only what she's been through, but the guilt she carries from being a human and with her dad being in the RDA.

You felt tears falling from your eyes and then slowly the heaviness taking over, pushing your eyelids shut, and the last thing you heard was the unmistakable sound of a flatline, and screams all around you. 

BABY DONT GIVE UP!!!!!! okay now queue the best scene out of this entire chapter. it is so rich in detail and emotion and it literally feels like something out of a movie.

Shocked, you removed the frame from the wall and looked at it closer. Your mum. This was your mum’s house, the house she grew up in as a child.

There's something so sad and personal about this. Imagine being born on a plant thousands of light years away from your mother's origin, never really knowing what her life was like before and where she grew up and what shaped her into who she is, and then getting to experience it as you're dying. Mothers are such a sensitive topic and it will NEVER fail to move my heart. I think another reason why I love this scene so much is because I never got to visit the house my mom grew up in and there's a whole other life of hers that I will never get to know/witness and this scene really made me think about that and acknowledge my mom as a person aside from being my mom, but a someone who was once a girl with all these hopes and aspirations and quirks and it made me think a lot about our relationship and I'm rambling now but in conclusion: I love this scene so much ):

You couldn’t believe what was happening to you, the fact that you were here, on Earth, in your mum’s childhood home. You didn’t know what to think, but you thought that if this is death, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. 

I don't know if you've seen Stranger Things, but in S4, there is a scene where one of the characters visits someone else's memories and she in this weird dimension that is stuck between a memory and a dream and it takes place on a beach and it really reminded me of this scene a lot.

That voice. Your breathing and hands both stopped to bring you to a dead still. Your eyes immediately filled with tears that spilled like effortless waterfalls, a visceral reaction to a voice you never thought you’d ever hear again.

This makes my eyes tear and my throat tighten up every single time ):

Slowly, she moved you to where you were sat just a few minutes ago, and you were a blubbering mess, unable to utter a single syllable to this woman you have spoken enough to fill out novels in your dreams, in your thoughts, in your soul. 

You did such an amazing job at conveying the closeness of their bond!! At the end of the day, no matter how old we are, our moms will always provide the most comfort and be our safety net. I still got mommy issues tho 😩

You thought about your sleep paralysis demons, crawling on top of you and sitting on your chest until you couldn’t breathe anymore, watching you scream and laughing at you mockingly, how they always looked like you, how they were just a dark, cursed version of yourself, the you you knew you looked like in your soul. You thought about Neteyam leaving - the last straw, the one that left you irreparably broken, the one that skinned you alive and left you for dead. 

THIS FUCKING PARAGRAPH!!! I love it, I love it, I love it. It's, once again, just super raw. It's gritty and it's depressing, but it's so fucking realistic and shows just how powerful the mind can be in convincing you of something. In Atan's case, her brain has convinced her that she was no longer in control of her life but someone destined for constant pain and unhappiness and that everything that negative happened to her has someone become who Atan is. For fuck's sake, even her sleep paralysis demons look like her!!! How sick and twisted, but it shows her subconscious thoughts and what she truly thinks ):

Just like you didn’t. It hurts me so much to see you make the same mistakes as I did. I love you so much, and I wish I could have healed enough in life to not bestow on you this grief. I wish I could have been braver and stronger, I wish I could have asked for help when I felt like the world was caving in on itself on top of me. Maybe if I did, then you wouldn’t be here.

Atan's mom said, "I'm gonna double the grief and hurt and pass it to the next person (Atan) 🤪🤪" HAHAHHA but also think this is perfect display of our parents, especially mothers, silent battles that they have to face and how generational trauma works. Atan is her mother's daughter for sure!!!!!!!

Was there no peace? Were you never going to be at peace?

No, the answer is no. I wish I was kidding but we still have the whole Archer series waiting to happen 🥲 HAHAHAHAH

You thought about how happy laying on the grass made you, just feeling how each blade tickled your skin and brought a laughter that was so pure, so unassuming - so real.

Seven really was the perfect song for this chapter, it invokes a montage of blurry flashbacks and unspoiled happiness and I think that played a huge part in Atan realizing that no, she didn't want to die.

You needed more time. 

I love the paragraphs that go into detail about the positive aspects of Atan's relationships with all the characters. Because even in the darkest and most depressing of times, meaningful relationships hold so much power and have the potential to get people out of their depression--maybe not cured, but it gives people a reason to keep on going. I think of whenever I'm extra mopey and sad and the times I feel like I have nothing worthwhile in my life and then I think about my female friendships and I go :3 wow life is worth living. I love how Atan realizes that and realizes that NO, she needs more of those relationships in her life--to wonder where they might go and to transform those relationships in her life into something even more vulnerable and powerful. But most importantly, Atan wants to have a relationship with herself and who she can become in the future if only she let herself love and be loved. Be not afraid ): I hope this makes sense lol

“I have roamed this world for almost 10 years, unable to move on. I am finally free, my love. I can rest now. Thank you.

IM FUCKING CRYING!!!!!!!!!!! She needed to know that her daughter will be okay before she was able to move in. This just reminded me of a quote from the Barbie movie that i think is absolutely perfect for this and I would love to tell you but you haven't seen it yet but if you do want to know, please let me know and I will message you ahahah. If not, watch the Barbie move and you'll know when you see it.

“She’s alive.” Norm says through panted breaths and muted tears. 

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

“Hi.” You said through shallow panted breaths. 

Neteyam cried, his tears flowing freely, the weight of this day bearing down on him heavily, even as he was watching you, feeling you, seeing you alive. He smiled as he brought his big hand to your face, and cupped it as gently as he knew how. You put your hand over his slowly and deliberately, and continued smiling even with the tears that were making their way down your cheeks and into your smile. 

“Hi.” That’s all he could say, and he knew it was enough. 

The soft sweetness of it all <3 No because this scene also makes me teary eyed because how sweet it is. It's so simple and they're not having a grand reunion with a fiery, passionate kiss. It's a break from all the chaos and it's a return to normalcy but I feel like it fits them so well. Because despite the all the chaos they've been through, Neteyam and Atan are, at their core, an effortless couple that seams together so perfectly and so well and all of the dramatics are something that only recently happen to them. Because before everything, they were just two best friends in love living their day by day together and it doesn't get anymore simple than that??

In time… you smiled softly at the thought. You had time. 

Something Atan took for granted before is something she is now thankful for ): Even though people make mistakes and we may feel like its the end of the world, there is someone out there who didn't have enough time to say the things they want or do what they want. Time can be such a pain in the ass, but it's the one thing we should always be thankful for because having more time is a sign you are living and will have the opportunity to grow, and say the things you want, and do the things you want, and yadda yadda.

Whenever I'm particularly sad about something and it feels like time is just going to drag along, I think of this tiktok comment that said, "3 years is a long time" and someone responded, "the time will pass anyway" and they are so fucking right and it just gives me motivation to continue!!! and I always use that to cheer myself up lol that doesn't specifically relate to my previous annote but I wanted to share.

“You’re alive!” Tuk’s soft sobs brought you to tears again, all the events of the last few days quickly taking a toll on your already jagged body.

TUK BABY😭❤️

Neytiri let out a cry and approach your legs, which she grabbed with her hands and held them softly, giving you a small squeeze. 

She is so loved ): I oughtta smack Atan up the head for not accepting this family's love even earlier arghhh

You brought his hand to your lips slowly and kissed it. Thank you.

I love love doing this move ): i always used to do it to my ex boyfriend I just think it so soft and cute HAHAA

Finally, you found your voice. It was raw and guttural, and cracked every other word, but it was there. You would learn to use it again in time. 

“What do you say you and me kill this virus, forever?” 

THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING LINE FOR THIS CHAPTER I LOVE IT!!!!! it's renewed hope!! let me tell you exactly how I picture this scene: So I picture it like an anime almost (I don't picture them as 2d) but how in anime scenes they will often focus on a character and the entire background has the sun shining or flowers falling all around them and the character has a big dopey closed-eyed smile on their face, maybe they have some tears in their eyes from the emotions going through them. and I KNOWWW this is the opposite of Atan, like the bitch just came back from the dead, she's sick and weak af and you can physically tell but she's back and ready to live. I just picture the non existent camera panning to Atan looking up and smiling at Kiri with and saying this to her ): idk i just love the idea of that and its cheeky you know? she's only said one word to neteyam and the first thing she says out loud in front of everyone is directed towards Kiri and it's like :0 unexpected but also a symbol of hope and moving forward!!! here is a gif to convey the types of vibes I get:

OKAY WOWWWW as im drafting this its 2 AM. I STARTED AT 12 AM IM CRYINGGGGG i was literally so invested into this i didn't even notice the time flying okay baby i really hope you enjoyed my notes because i enjoyed doing this so much and i love this chapter and i love you okay

Illicit Affairs | Chapter IX: Seven

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter X

Synopsis: As your life comes to an end, someone you never thought you'd see again helps both you and Neteyam navigate your past and future.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, no mentions of Y/N, cursing, some fluff, a lot of crying, like too much crying honestly

Word Count: 9,3k words

A/N: The second to last chapter is here, and with it also comes the beginning of the end. I am honestly so sad at the thought of this series finishing, I have spent every minute of my life thinking and living in it, and I am not ready for it to end (wink wink). This chapter was the most emotionally draining piece of writing I have ever done, but I am so happy with the way it turned out. I hope you like it, and that you find some comfort in this story, the way I found comfort in writing it and sharing it with you. I am so so excited about the last chapter, and I will start writing it right away. As always, thank you so much for engaging with my work and for all the support, I loved reading your comments and asks so so much, they make my life honestly. (Pls listen to seven by TS when reading this, I think it will enhance the experience x also jake saying babygirl does things to me ok byee x )

“Please, picture me in the trees, I hit my peak at seven Feet, in the swing over the creek, I was too scared to jump in Please picture me in the weeds, before I learnt civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted ...Are there still beautiful things?”

Neteyam left the clearing with so much anger it could be mined as a new energy source. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe you. He was losing you, over and over, and now will lose you permanently. His heart bled so much, he didn’t think he could make it back to the village in the state he was in. He spent the last month of his life, the last month of your life, training you, ignoring his feelings for you, having dinner with another woman, when he should have been loving you, helping you heal and checking in on your human form, that he spent his whole life with and then abandoned for your Avatar. You took everything from him by keeping this a secret. His whole life, his future, the chance at any happiness or hope or trust in loved ones. He would never forgive you for this. You robbed him of everything and your death will bring his own, maybe not physical, but spiritual and emotional. 

He didn’t want to go back to the village, couldn’t go back to the village. He couldn’t hear it, couldn’t hear them talking about you, about your death, he couldn’t see them cry and mourn, for the woman he will love as long as his beating heart was still pumping blood, and not die, not collapse due to the overbearing weight of his broken soul. There was only one place he thought to go, only one place he might find any semblance of peace: Vitraya Ramunong, the Tree of Souls.

Norm and the Sullys were still in the tent, discussing ways to get you to accept the consciousness transfer, brainstorming every possible idea, even thinking of literally tying you to a bed and pumping you with the drugs that they knew would buy you, buy them some more time to change your mind. They all jumped at the screech that came from just outside their tent, and Jake got his gun resting by his side and saw the rest of his family arming themselves with bows and knives at the ominous sound. When they made it outside, they were shocked to see your ikran, a beautiful beast, batting her wings aggressively and hissing in their direction. 

“What is it, girl?” Jake said, approaching her carefully and petting her head gently. The ikran opened her mouth and took Jake’s hand in hers, which elicited a furious reaction from Neytiri, to which Jake raised his other hand in a calming gesture.

“She’s not hurting me, she’s pulling me away, towards the lab. I think she’s trying to tell us something.” 

His heart dropped at the thought of what could your ikran be wanting to show them so ardently, so urgently. He has never seen such behaviour from a banshee, and he realises painfully how much of an imprint you have made on this world, on life all around you. He wishes this world would have made as much of an impact on you, maybe if it had, you wouldn’t want to leave it so soon. 

Jake got on the banshee without making the bond, and she immediately took off. 

“Take the Ikrans or Pa’li and hurry to the lab, I have a really bad feeling.”

The last thing he saw is his entire family calling for their animals, the hurry and desperation enveloping all of them like a warm, suffocating blanket. 

The banshee landed in a small clearing with a river source in the middle of it. It was a beautiful place that Jake has somehow never stumbled through before, but he couldn’t think about it too much when another, more urgent matter caught his eye. A small and fragile frame, motionless on the ground. 

“KID!” He jumped from the back of the ikran like it was lava, and ran as quickly as he possibly could, kneeling on the ground next to you. His face immediately went to your masked one, trying to see if he could spot breathing. Two fingers rushed to your throat, looking for a pulse he couldn’t feel. 

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, don’t do this to me, baby girl. Come on, please.” 

He removed your mask and starting giving you CPR, his two hands wrapped around each other in firsts as he rhythmically compressed your chest in the spot right on top of your heart. Thirty compressions, two breaths, thirty compressions, two breaths. He was trying so hard to remain calm and collected, but his mind was screaming with the image of you on the ground, dead or dying, he still didn’t know, alone, and he felt tears pool in his eyes. You have been alone for such a long time, and he was right: he never tried to understand what you must have been going through, how hard this life must have been for you on this planet your body didn’t belong on, with a soul so bright and wild that was continuously tamed by the fury of your own destiny, with which you battled your whole existence. Losing your mum changed you, finding your dad in the woods broke your spirit, and losing Neteyam took away the last shred of happiness you had, and they watched. He watched, unknowing and ignorant. He will never forgive himself if you died here, in his arms. 

He was continuing the CPR when his eyes snapped at something moving above his head. Jake stopped the chest compressions at the sight. Atokirina, dozens of them, floating down gently and peacefully until they reached your body, where they settled for a few seconds, before they all took flight again concomitantly. Jake thought that was a good sign, and, in a desperate attempt to add on to Eywa’s efforts, he brought up his fingers together in a fist, and with all his might, hit your unmoving chest, saying a silent prayer in his mind as he did so. 

With wide eyes and laboured breaths, Jake saw the small girl he’s known since she was born come back to life with a violent gasp. You immediately started coughing breathlessly, and Jake put your mask back over your face. He pressed a button and allowed you to take a few short, pained breaths. He felt relief wash all over him, but he knew he needed to go; you weren’t breathing properly, and he saw your face slowly turning purple. 

“It’s okay, baby girl. You’re going to be okay.”

With very little effort, Jake lifted you from the ground and carried you in his arms, running as fast as he could do without disturbing you even further. He couldn’t help wince as he was looking at your body, so weak and feeble, so different than the one he remembered. How did this happen? How did Norm and Max allow this? 

He made it to the lab shortly, and saw the whole family waiting for him there. Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk all let out a shocked gasp at your lifeless form residing in Jake’s arms, but he couldn’t think about that now, he couldn’t worry about anything other than making sure you will survive this. 

Norm and Max let him in with their keycards and motioned hurriedly in the direction of the medical ward. He knew where to go, having been there a few times with soldiers who were sick, as well with his own kids when they got illnesses the Tsahik couldn’t cure. He hurried past all the hallways and entered and put you down as gently as he possibly could. Norm and Max burst through the door, getting all sorts of instruments and machines ready that Jake couldn’t name with a gun to his head. He silently got out of the way, and let them do what they did best. 

He got out of the room and grabbed Tuk in his arms, holding her tightly when she nuzzled her head in his neck and started silently sobbing. 

“What is going on?” Kiri, one of your best friends in the whole world, your sister, asked through shaky breaths and hushed cries. 

“Ma 'ite…” Neytiri said softly, hugging her kids close to her chest. 

“She’s sick, isn’t she? Like the people in the village?” 

“Yes, my sweet child.”

“But those people died.” Tuk said in between high pitched whimpers. 

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a knowing, sorrowful look, and tightened their grip on their children. 

Neteyam found the Tree of Souls to be deserted, as most Na’vi would be gone hunting or preparing for the upcoming war this time of day, or just taking shelter from the rain that has been pouring for days with no seeming intention of stopping. He knelt on the ground and peered up at the bright pink and purple tendrils of the sacred willow, taking in the beauty that he is yet to get over, even after coming here his whole entire life. A pained cry escaped his lips at the realisation he will never be able to show this to you. From the second he saw your Avatar body, dreams invaded his subconscious mind, dreams of when you would finally become one of the people, dreams of your soft hair bouncing on your beautiful back while you ran beneath the tree, dreams of his finally being able to make you his, the way he has wanted for so long. You were supposed to become one of the people, you were supposed to be his, his mate and the mother of his children, his Tsahik, the best Tsahik this clan had ever seen. How the fuck was he supposed to come to terms with this heartbreak, how was he ever supposed to be the same person again? You were in his life from the moment you were born. You were born just a couple of months apart, as if Eywa couldn’t wait any longer to join two souls who were meant to be. He couldn’t remember a day in his life when you weren’t there - even if not physically, you were always in his life, in his mind, your light forever permeated through every cell in his body. You were the only fact of life he was sure of, how was he supposed to live without you?

“I have another quote that reminds me of you, though.” 

Patting the spot next to you, you signalled for him to lie down. He did, although his legs were completely off the bed, the tiny contraption barely able to accommodate his torso. You let out a small laugh, but seemed happy to have him so close. 

You placed your head on his chest, and he prayed you couldn’t hear the way his heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest at your proximity and warmth. You opened the book and looked for the quote. 

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

“I like that.” He felt bashful at your admission of how you viewed him. You were always braver than him when it comes to your feelings. You never said them out right, but you always gave enough proof through moments like these, when you would sing a song, or read him a section of a book you thought resonated with you.

“Read more. Is there anything else in that book that reminds you of us?” 

You blushed, but flipped through more pages. You have him a knowing look, and read from the book you gripped on so tightly your knuckles turned white.

“My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.”

He couldn’t help think of that quote, and how deeply you both felt for each other, how this world is dull and senseless, meaningless and bleak without the other. “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”. He never quite understood the magnitude of this quote until today, when he stared at your dying body, until he was here, kneeling under the Tree of Souls, knowing soon you might not be part of his universe anymore, willing to beg Eywa until his knees bleed for another chance, for one more try. 

“Great Mother,” he starts as he reaches for the queue and brings it to one of the tendrils he was softly grasping in his hand, “I need your help. I’m begging you for help.” 

His queue wraps around the mauve willow branch and he inhales faintly at the bond, as he is transported across dimensions, to another plane of being, higher than any living thing had access to except in this way.

He woke up in the last place he thought he would, the lab. The damn lab, with its white, too-white walls and a smell that always burned his nostrils and a coldness that he would never get used to, no matter how many days he has spent here in his life. Without you in it, it was unnatural and unwelcoming, and he didn’t want to be here a second longer than he needed to.

“Ma 'itan.” he heard a voice call out to him from inside one of the rooms, and he made his way slowly towards it, feet hurting from the biting temperature of the smooth tiles. He passed a mirror that was hung on one of the walls, and was startled to see himself in it, only it appeared more like a window to the past, as the face looking back at him was young, no older than 10. 

He continued on, and eventually reached it. It was dark, except the light from a computer screen and one desk lamp gently illuminating the room. Sat on a chair was a woman, beautiful and elegant, with light curly hair that reached her torso and kind features, that reminded him so much of her daughter, so much so that it made his heart constrict in pain. 

“Neteyam, my boy, it’s so good to see you!”

“Auntie Jo?” 

“You’ve grown so much, ma 'itan. You’ve become a handsome young man.”

“Auntie Jo, what’s going on? Why am I here?” 

“You’ve come to ask for help from the Great Mother. The Great Mother doesn’t take sides, son, you know that. She protects only the balance of life.”

“Yes, and her life hangs in the balance. I need Eywa to help, I need Eywa to save her, because her life has never been balanced. There’s never been anything fair about her life, and this second chance is the balance. It’s what she deserves, a lifetime of happiness to make up for all the hurt the Universe has put her through.”

“I see you are still my daughter’s angel, even after all this time. You always took care of her, from when you were both babies. We used to put you in the same crib and you would go to sleep holding hands. You both used to cry whenever it was time for us to return to the lab. Eventually, we had to give you a piece of clothing of the other, so you could sleep peacefully through the night. I always knew you were supposed to end up together. It’s part of the reason I worked so hard to decode the Avatar for her.” 

“She’s dying. She’s dying and there’s nothing I can do! I need you to help me save her, I need to do something, I need something to stop the way it feels like I’m being ripped apart at every seam in my body. I have never known such pain, I never knew it was possible for a body to hurt so badly from a wound that doesn’t even exist.” 

The woman rose from the chair and took Neteyam in her arms, allowing him to place his head on her shoulders and cry. Neteyam tightened his arms around her and held her, crying, releasing all the grief he was feeling for his love, for his future, for her.

“If you feel it, son, then it exists. If you feel her, then she exists, and she will exist forever. In truth, there is nothing any of us can do, except love her and be there for her. My daughter has grown so much, and so much grief grew along with her. And she learnt how to let grief grow until it is so big it cannot be contained within her body from me. But there’s still time for her to grow, too. Grow bigger than the grief. She needs you, Neteyam. She needs you to be her light one last time. She needs you right now. You should go before it’s too late.”

Neteyam woke up like from a dream and removed his queue from the tree so quickly it hurt him and he felt the pain travel all the way to the tip of his toes. It didn’t matter, he thought. He could be scalped right now and he would still be calling his ikran with enough might to wake up the entire forest. As soon as she arrived at the foot of the tree, he got on her and motioned for her to take off, no other thoughts than the words your mother uttered echoing in his ears. I need to get to the lab, fuck, I hope I’m not too late. I can’t be too late. It can’t be too late.

He completely spaced out until he reached the lab, so it was like he blinked and he was there. He saw your ikran next to the entrance of the lab and felt his pulse quicken so fast he almost fell off his own with how faint it made him. He knocked on the door forcefully and incessantly until Lo��ak came and opened it. His baby brother’s eyes were red and damp and he looked sick and tired; Neteyam couldn’t remember the last time he has ever seen Lo’ak in this state - he didn’t think he ever had. The lump that formed in Neteyam’s throat stopped him from speaking, and he looked at his brother with desperation laced on every feature, silently pleading to be put out of his misery.

“She collapsed outside the lab. She was in a clearing a few minutes from here. Her ikran came to the village and took dad to where she was, and he brought her here.”

Lo’ak started crying again, bringing a hand to his face to hide himself, and Neteyam took him in his arms and hugged him. 

“She was dead, bro. Dad said she was dead. Her heart stopped and he managed to start it back up again, but she has been in the room with Norm and Max for a while, she won’t wake up. She’s been sick for a month and we didn’t know. I didn’t know!”

Neteyam let Lo’ak cry it out, feeling his own hurt being pushed aside at the sight of his baby brother needing a shoulder to cry on. He couldn’t be weak when his family needed him. 

Eventually they made their way down the corridor until they reached the rest of their family, and he saw it, saw you, and it immediately made his sick. He’s struggled to keep down whatever food he still had in his system at the terrorising sight - you, lying on a white framed bed, unconscious, with tubes coming in and out of you, so many tubes he was losing count. He saw the tubes coming out of machines that were beeping, and one of them was removing blood from your body and then pushing it back in, and Neteyam felt weak in the knees taking it all in. 

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE IV: BARGAINING

You woke up in a daze, feeling heavy and numb, like that one time you were 16 and you took one too many sleeping pills and you needed 3 days to ride out the consequences. You frowned deeply at the bright artificial lights that were bearing down on you, and you realised you were in the medical ward of the hub. You faintly heard the ECG machine beeping, and you knew at least you weren’t dead yet. You don’t know how much time it’s been, the last thing you remember is Neteyam turning his back on you in the clearing.

“You’re a coward…”

You felt your heart hurt, although the pain was not physical, it wasn’t an arrhythmia or fibrillation or asystole, it was worse. It was a kind of pain you can’t fix with some pills or a defibrillator or some epinephrine to restart the heart. It didn’t work that way. This pain you would have to ride out, have to hope it will pass in time. 

He was right. You were a coward, have been your whole life. There was no point denying it any longer, no point hiding behind a facade of eye rolls and straight faces. You killed yourself slowly and painfully, for years - taking pills, taking too many pills, ignoring the pleas from your mind that told you it was slowly losing focus, that couldn’t handle pain as well anymore, that couldn’t sleep unless it was practically mush by the time your head hit the pillow. You told yourself it was unfortunate that you got the virus, that you hated it and that you were working for cure, but in reality you were kind of relieved when it happened. Because now you had an excuse, and you didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting yourself. 

You were a coward, refusing to get help or let yourself be loved, let yourself be mourned, because you didn’t want to deal with it. You refused to tell Neteyam, the man who has loved you and been your rock your whole life, who, despite everything that went on between you, would always be yours, and who you knew would suffer immensely because of your passing, because you didn’t want to suffer with him. You didn’t tell Norm and Max, because you knew they would make you get help, and try to get you to heal and stay alive longer, and you didn’t want that. You didn’t tell Jake or Neytiri, or the kids, because no parent or sibling should have to watch their kid, their sister die, and you thought by pushing them away and blaming them for Neteyam’s indiscretion, you would be able to soften the blow. But most of all, you didn’t tell them because you didn’t want to know that people do love you, would suffer because of you, that your death impacted lives around you. You didn’t need the guilt. 

Nobody was paying attention to you, you realised. You briefly saw Norm and Max hurrying around you out of the corner of your eye, and saw a dialysis machine retrieving your blood through a tube coming from your neck. You were going into multiple organ failure, you deduced. Your heart and lungs were shot, your kidneys were shot, you didn’t have much time left.

You wanted to speak, you wanted to scream for Neteyam, for all of them, and apologise. You knew what it meant to lose people, better than most. You were sorry for knowing you will put these people you loved so much through so much pain. You were sorry things turned out like this, that you weren’t stronger, that your heart was so broken it found comfort in the pain and was too scared to heal. The tube coming out of your mouth didn’t allow for that. You felt tears falling from your eyes and then slowly the heaviness taking over, pushing your eyelids shut, and the last thing you heard was the unmistakable sound of a flatline, and screams all around you. 

You woke up dazed, needing a few second to take in your surroundings. You had no idea where you were, it isn’t a place you have ever seen before. You looked, trying to accommodate to the light shining brightly from an orb in the sky, and when you couldn’t see Polyphemus and its moons in the sky, you knew you were no longer on Pandora. It took a while, but you eventually realised you were on Earth. You turned around, taking in all of your surroundings, and felt amazed at the unfamiliar new sights. In front of you stood a house. On the smaller side (you thought, based on all the Hollywood movies you’ve seen), with a blue paintcoat and surrounded by a short brown fence, it had flowers you were fascinated by and shrubbery surrounding it, giving it an unkept look - you loved it. It was not like the houses you have seen in the movies, perfect and artificial, with human precision to ruin what Mother Earth put there for a reason. Behind you were paved roads, but nobody was around. There were no other houses, the one in front of you solitary and quiet, except for a rhythmic sound you could hear from somewhere behind it, although you could not place it, as the house was on a little hill. 

You made your way towards the entrance quietly, and were pleasantly surprised when the little fence opened at your slightest push, so you continued through the cobblestone path, until you were standing face to face with a white door. You felt yourself curiously knocking on it, hoping someone could let you in and explain to you what was going on, why were you here, what was this place? Was this the afterlife? Were you in heaven? 

After waiting a few minutes at the door with no answer, you touched the handle and pressed gently, surprised again when it opened to you. You felt a strange smell envelop you, it was a completely new olfactory experience than you have ever had, and you realised you loved it -  it was a rich and warm smell, and you had to swallow as it seemed to trigger hunger in your system. The room you were in was a little claustrophobic, but you couldn’t help thinking if was homely and snug and felt a strange familiarity as you walked through the dimly lit narrow hallway. Right by the entrance to the right was a brighter, doorless room that probably served as a library once - the walls were covered in thick mahogany shelves filled to the brim with colourful books, and a beautiful dark brown desk was placed in the middle of it, with a fuzzy looking carpet adorning the wooden floors. Further in the hallway, frames with photos of people you couldn’t really place were decorating the blue walls and you smiled taking them all in. A photo of 3 people at the beach, a family, you noted, a photo in a beautiful location somewhere in the mountains, a photo of a dad carrying a small girl on his back, both of them laughing widely - all so beautiful, so intimate. On one of the images was scribbled something that caught your attention. It was an image of a girl, young and beautiful, with light and wavy hair and holding what you knew from movies to be a graduation gown, throwing her cap in the air. The handwritten note on it said “Our little Marj graduating summa cum laude at only 18! - Johns Hopkins, June 2123.” 

Shocked, you removed the frame from the wall and looked at it closer. Your mum. This was your mum’s house, the house she grew up in as a child. What were you doing here? What was happening to you? You held on to the picture as you moved through the house that eventually opened into a big and brightly lit room, that served as both the kitchen and the living room. In the corner of the room lay a beautiful grand piano and a few guitars, all on stands. Through the big windows and the door that opened to the backyard, you saw a large body of water, and you realised the noises you were hearing earlier were waves, crashing on the sandy beach. You have never seen anything like it and couldn’t help stare for a while, just taking in the beauty of this world you never thought you would be able to experience for yourself. You found yourself picking up one of the guitars on the stand that you knew was your mum’s, since it was the same one you have…. had on Pandora, and opened the door to the outside, slowly walking towards the open sea. 

You frowned as you made your way through the fine warm sand at all these new experiences and sensations you have never had before, and the frown deepened at a blanket on the ground, almost inviting you to sit down, almost as if it was laid out for you. Feeling safe and blissful in this new world you now inhabited, you allowed yourself to do as you were silently bid. 

You loved the malleable feeling of the sand as you stretched your legs and noticed it moved to accommodate your body. The blanket was soft, and you felt inspired to pick up the guitar and tune it, strumming it gently. You couldn’t believe what was happening to you, the fact that you were here, on Earth, in your mum’s childhood home. You didn’t know what to think, but you thought that if this is death, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. 

“My love.” 

That voice. Your breathing and hands both stopped to bring you to a dead still. Your eyes immediately filled with tears that spilled like effortless waterfalls, a visceral reaction to a voice you never thought you’d ever hear again. Your head snapped in the direction of the voice so quickly it gave you whiplash, but you didn’t care. Nothing else mattered in this life but this voice. 

“Mum??” You got up to your feet as rapidly as your human body could handle and ran in the arms of the woman you loved more than anything in this world, more than life itself. You were sobbing as you removed yourself form her arms, touching her face with your hands, touching her arms, making sure she was real, that she was here. 

“Oh my God, baby, it’s ok, I’m right here.” 

She was trying to calm you down enough so you could utter a word, but you couldn’t, you couldn’t stop wailing, couldn’t stop your body expelling so many tears you completely soaked the top of her t-shirt. 

Slowly, she moved you to where you were sat just a few minutes ago, and you were a blubbering mess, unable to utter a single syllable to this woman you have spoken enough to fill out novels in your dreams, in your thoughts, in your soul. 

“You’re alright, my love. Everything’s alright.” She was removing tears as they fell from your eyes with her palm, gently cupping your face and smiling at you, with enough warmth you knew it could power up this whole world if she let it. 

Eventually, you found your voice. “Mum, what is this? How are you here? Am I dead?”

She laughed at your barrage of questioning, remembering fondly how you have always been such a curious cat, always had so many questions for her, relentless in your quest for knowledge. 

“You’re with Eywa, my love. We’re with Eywa. And no, you are not dead yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yes, baby. It seems Eywa is not quite done with you yet.”

“What does the Great Mother want from me?”

“I think she wants you to make a choice, baby.”

“I’ve already made my choice.” 

“I don’t think you have, my love.” 

You thought about her words for a while. You thought you made your choice. I mean, you were here, weren’t you? Dead. Or in purgatory, one of the two, but still, not alive. You thought about your life. About your beautiful mother sitting in front of you, and the moment she gave her last breath to the world. Her funeral, rain pouring over you like the endless sorrow that hasn’t left you since. You thought about how hard it was to sleep at night, how the nightmares never stopped, how the sadness became a confidant you knew you could never shake - you knew you didn’t want to shake. You thought about your dad - the guilt you felt because of him, his actions, his murders, how they haunted you in dark corridors, how the Na’vi people cursed you in your dreams and told you you were a demon, just like he was. You thought about his body in the woods, his exo-suit that he left a few steps behind, and how you couldn’t walk barefoot after that. You thought about the pills, your only friends, the only cure for your debilitating insomnia. You thought about your sleep paralysis demons, crawling on top of you and sitting on your chest until you couldn’t breathe anymore, watching you scream and laughing at you mockingly, how they always looked like you, how they were just a dark, cursed version of yourself, the you you knew you looked like in your soul. You thought about Neteyam leaving - the last straw, the one that left you irreparably broken, the one that skinned you alive and left you for dead. 

You thought you made your choice. 

“I miss you, ma. So much.” The crying never stopped, but you held her hand and tried to revel in the feeling, in knowing she was here and you were with her. Even if you weren’t sure about your choice before, you were when you looked into her bright and caring eyes. “I just found you, I can’t lose you again.”

“I miss you, too, bunny. I have kept an eye on you for almost 9 years, everyday regretting not fighting harder to be in your life.”

You frowned at her words. “You fought hard, ma. Your death was a tragedy, but it was unavoidable.”

“Maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?”

“I mean I fell in the same bad patterns as you did, bunny. I could have asked Mo’at for the transfer, but I didn’t. Just like you didn’t. It hurts me so much to see you make the same mistakes as I did. I love you so much, and I wish I could have healed enough in life to not bestow on you this grief. I wish I could have been braver and stronger, I wish I could have asked for help when I felt like the world was caving in on itself on top of me. Maybe if I did, then you wouldn’t be here.

When your dad died, most of me died along with him. Having to have and raise you by myself was the toughest thing I have ever had to brave. And I’d like to think I did a good job, and it was easy enough, because you were the best baby anyone’s ever had, but inside I was screaming. Every night was hell and I struggled with surviving for the rest of my life. When the cancer came, I was terrified to leave you, I was terrified of knowing you would have to be in this world alone, but selfishly, I was relieved. Because the hurt would finally stop. Mo’at, Jake, Neytiri, Norm, Max, everyone tried to get me to accept the consciousness transfer, but I didn’t. Because it was my consciousness that was killing me slowly. A new body wasn’t going to change that.”

You were reeling at the confession, finding it hard to keep breathing, hard to keep going, even in death. Was there no peace? Were you never going to be at peace? You felt so sad at her words, so angry at her admitting she didn’t let you in, that she abandoned you without fighting as hard as she possibly could to heal, to stay alive for you. She lied about being happy, about you being everything she ever needed, she died without even trying the consciousness transfer. How could she ever d-

You gasped in shock at the realisation. 

“What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!”

“You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.“

“Baby, are you still with me?”

All of a sudden, all new thoughts entered your mind from the ones before. You thought you made your choice. But then you thought about Pandora, the beautiful world you loved so much, that despite not being born for, you climbed its trees and ran its grounds like you had. You thought about how happy laying on the grass made you, just feeling how each blade tickled your skin and brought a laughter that was so pure, so unassuming - so real. You thought about your guitar, and the guitar Neteyam gave you, and the peace you felt when you played them, when you sang your feelings, like a litany to cleanse your soul.

You thought about Kiri - your beautiful sister who you scoured the woods with, finding rocks and flowers and watching her crafting necklaces while the light shone brightly on your faces. You thought about Lo’ak. Your movie marathons, the endless laughter and the warmth he brought to your soul, that felt forever childlike when around him. You thought about Spider, the monkey boy who was the only one who could truly understand what you were going through as a human child growing on a different planet.

You thought about Norm and Max, how they raised you without ever asking for anything in return, how they kept you in their lab and bestowed upon you all of their knowledge and skill and the look they gave you whenever you put anything they taught you to good use. You thought about Jake and Neytiri, your surrogate parents that you always pushed away, and they always came back, loving you unconditionally despite all your emotional shortcomings. You thought about Tuk, how she looked at you like you were the most amazing sister she had, how you used to be the only one who could put her to sleep when she was a fussy infant, how she loved your voice and clung to your every word.

You thought about your mum, who despite being gone for almost a decade, you still felt in you every day, whenever you touched a book you know she loved, whenever you were in the lab, whenever you looked in the mirror and the eyes that greeted you might as well be hers. Finally, you thought about Neteyam. The person you loved more than life itself, more than the sun and the moon, more than every star in the sky. The person who has been here all your life, who stood by you no matter what, who only left so you didn’t have to suffer further. You thought about his smile, his eyes which were like the lighthouse that would always guide you home, his touch that brought life back into you, his love for you, that shone bright and eternal. 

You realised then you weren’t ready to say goodbye to all of those things, you wanted more, needed more. You wanted to know what it was like to live, fully live, you wanted to know what it felt like to have a proper family, you wanted to give yourself fully to the man you loved, you wanted to know if your kids would have your mum’s eyes and their dad’s kindness and patience. You wanted to experience Pandora’s sky with Neyn, and you wanted to find a cure for the virus that killed you. You wanted to help the Na’vi fight the Sky People, and you wanted to show them there are good humans out there, and you come from one, and are one. You needed more time. 

You were crying so hard you felt your hand going and grasping at your heart, trying to somehow claw through your chest and grasp it in your palms and hold it, trying to stop it from hurting. “I need to go back. I have to go back, I need more time.”  

As soon as you said that, you heard a sound coming from the sky, almost like far away thunder. You didn’t know what it was, but you didn’t have time to think about it. 

“Ma, I have to go back. I have to make it right. I’m not ready, mum. I’m not ready to go yet.” 

“I know, baby. It seems you finally made your choice.” 

You saw far into the distance, and saw the edges of the world dissipate slowly, leaving behind a white glow in their wake. You knew what was coming, you knew the one thing you still had to do before it happened.

“Mum, I forgive you. I’m so sorry life took so much from you and I am sorry I couldn’t help more. I’m sorry you had to hurt alone. I love you so much, I will always love you. You will always be a part of me. I forgive you.” 

You saw your beautiful mum take a deep breath in, and her body started glowing with the same glow that was gently overtaking the world. 

“I have roamed this world for almost 10 years, unable to move on. I am finally free, my love. I can rest now. Thank you.” 

Before she would inevitably leave you again, you needed to know one more thing.

“Mum, was my dad evil?”

“Oh, baby. Your dad was a beautiful soul, and although he had many flaws, he was not evil. When you are ready to open your bottom desk drawer, make sure you look around you as well. All will be revealed in time, my love. And listen to Kiri more when she talks to you about plants, you might be surprised what could come of it.” She smiled kindly and gave you a mischievous wink, and with that, she vanished. 

“MUM!” You screamed, anguished at losing her again. 

You heard her voice echo in the sky. 

“Do not go gentle into that good night, 

Old age should burn and rave at close of day

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

You smiled through tears at the poem she used to read you at least once a week when you were a baby. Once it was done, her voice was replaced with another, and you realised what the previous sounds in the sky were. The only voice in the world that mattered.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

I’m coming, my light. 

“Push another round of Epi.” 

Neteyam watched as the two humans were working tirelessly to try to bring you back to life. He thought he knew what pain was, what grief and sorrow were, but realised he didn’t - not until the last 30 minutes, as he saw you die in front of him, not until he saw your body being electrocuted and needles going in your heart, not until not any of this torture worked, not until you were still dead, not until his worst fear in life materialised like a bad magic trick. 

“We’ve been doing this for too long, Norm. Even if she comes back now, her brain was without oxygen for 30 minutes and I-“

“Just fucking do it, Max!” 

Neteyam saw Norm get the machine with the two pads that shocked your body ready again, and he felt himself hope, just a little hope, for the last time. He heard himself talk over the noise, over the constant flat tone of the machine that was connected to your heart.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

Norm put the pads on your body as soon as Max injected you with what they called Epi. 

“CLEAR!” He screamed and pressed the handles of the pads, and your body convulsed violently at the shock they administered. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.  

The room went completely quiet. He saw Norm and Max look at you with mouths agape and then look at each other. Then they started crying. 

“We have sinus rhythm.”

Neteyam felt his heartbeat thump in his chest, felt dizzy and confused. The beeping was different than the tone he heard before. Why were they crying? He turned around to face his family and noticed them hugging, and laughing wildly, screaming and crying at the sight, and he let himself believe, for a second, that this was not bad news.

“What is sinus rhythm?” He said, voice hoarse from the amount of crying he had lived through. 

“She’s alive.” Norm says through panted breaths and muted tears. 

She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. 

It felt like Neteyam took his first breath, like he was born again. They say every Na’vi is born twice, and although the second one was technically when he became a man, he would argue the second time was right now. Those words brought him back to life, in an instant and he felt like he could finally breathe. He could finally live.

“Neteyam”, Max puts a hand on his shoulder, “She’s been dead for 30 minutes. She is alive, but we don’t know what state she will be in when and if she wakes.”

No, you will be fine. He had no doubt in his mind anymore. Eywa has spoken. Eywa brought you back for a reason. 

Hours passed, and you didn’t wake. The two scientists gave you pills and liquids that were going in you through various tubes in your body. Neteyam was tortured at the sight, but was consoled with knowing these were keeping you alive. Eventually, they left you to rest, not being able to do anything more until you would wake up… if you woke up. His parents and siblings, and Spider also left, not too far, as they decided to sleep in the hub. Neteyam stood by your side the whole time. He held your hand which felt so small in his much bigger one, and found himself tracing every hair, blemish and vein on your arm. His gaze then shifted onto your face, which looked peaceful, a deep contrast to the one he saw just half a day ago, although it felt like a different life ago. Your beautiful lips were slightly parted as you were breathing with the help with a transparent mask that covered half your face. Your cheeks had a rosy tint to it, and were marked by shadows given by your eyelashes that were resting on them. Your forehead was finally free of the scowl or frown that seemed to plague it most days, giving you a serene look about you. Angel.

Neteyam’s gaze fell around the room, taking in all the equipment that was required to keep you alive. He learned that the beeping machine was called an electrocardiogram, and through the little sensors on your chest, it could feel your heartbeat. He learned that the machine that was pumping your blood was called a dialysis machine, and it was helping you clear your blood of waste since your body couldn’t do that by itself anymore. He learned the mask was helping you breathe, since you body couldn’t that by itself either. He was eternally grateful to these machines, and the men wielding them, for the part they were playing in you not being taken away from him. He has never liked humans, but more and more, he could understand their beauty, and that, in their own way, they were just doing their best - isn’t that the only thing one can hope for? 

Neteyam was pulled out of his musings by the tiniest movement of your hand that was rested in his. He immediately snapped his eyes to your hand, and gasped loudly when you moved again - just a small twitch, nothing more, but it was enough to electrify his entire body, deep shockwaves running through him from where you touched him to each extremity. His gaze shifted on to your face, and his breath stopped when his eyes met yours. You looked tired, so tired, but alive. Your eyes crinkled at the sides as you gave him a smile, and his world shifted on its axis, never to be the same again. Your hand slowly and shakily made its way to the mask rested on your face, and you pulled on it until it came off, looking like the movement hurt, like it took all the effort you had. He could see your smile properly now, the most beautiful sight he has ever laid his eyes on - this world, the sky, this entire universe could not hold a candle to this smile. 

“Hi.” You said through shallow panted breaths. 

Neteyam cried, his tears flowing freely, the weight of this day bearing down on him heavily, even as he was watching you, feeling you, seeing you alive. He smiled as he brought his big hand to your face, and cupped it as gently as he knew how. You put your hand over his slowly and deliberately, and continued smiling even with the tears that were making their way down your cheeks and into your smile. 

“Hi.” That’s all he could say, and he knew it was enough. 

It was insane - the thought of having to leave your side for even the split of a second, but he knew his family would never forgive him if he didn’t tell them you were awake. So he went, running through the corridors of the labs and hub, trying to find his way, screaming for them at the top of his lungs, hoping he wouldn’t have to waste time searching. Eventually, they came out panicked, praying they won’t have to hear the worst. They were exalted when that wasn’t the case, and Neteyam saw his three younger siblings, as well as his honorary brother, run as fast as the lab allowed towards the room you were in. He followed suit, sending a glowing, relieved, happy smile towards their parents, which they returned with the same enthusiasm. Norm and Max were already in the room when they arrived, alerted by all the commotion. They were checking in on you, adjusted medicines and slowly removing the mask from around your face. 

You were in a lot of pain, that you could feel even with the morphine you knew was supposed to keep your body nice and numb, although you suspected you were the reason it wasn’t working as well as it should. You felt every breath, every heartbeat, like it was a shot to the chest, but you didn’t complain, and stood there as your two favourite humans were working hard trying to make sure you were going to be alive for longer than a few minutes this time. You felt an immense sense of gratitude at their help and their incessant need to keep you safe and healthy, despite how horribly you treated both of them. You hoped you can earn their forgiveness in time. In time… you smiled softly at the thought. You had time. 

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE V: ACCEPTANCE

You were startled at all the sounds and voices coming from the corridors, and you jumped out of your skin when you saw four figures rushing towards you smiling and crying, laughing at you and approaching your body and the bed without concern for all the equipment or the tubes, or Norm and Max. You tried laughing at the endearing sight, but could only manage a forced exhale.

“You’re alive!” Tuk’s soft sobs brought you to tears again, all the events of the last few days quickly taking a toll on your already jagged body.

You nodded softly at her, giving her the biggest smile you could muster. You looked up at Lo’ak and Kiri and felt them taking each of your hand in theirs and tugging at them, holding you with whatever they could without inconveniencing you too much. Lo’ak was tugging at the IV going in your vein, making it hurt, but you couldn’t care less. You were so happy to see him, see them, so happy they found it in their infinite hearts to forgive you. You didn’t know how you still had enough fluid in you to produce even more tears, but there they were, falling again. 

Neteyam walked into the room with his parents, who both brought their hands to their face at the sight of you, and looked at you with so much love your heart tugged painfully. You couldn’t speak, there were no words to convey the love and appreciation you had for them, for this family you gained, the family you would never leave again. Instead, you weakly, with all the power you had, brought your curled finger to your forehead and motioned towards them. I see you, I’m sorry. I see you. 

Neytiri let out a cry and approach your legs, which she grabbed with her hands and held them softly, giving you a small squeeze. 

Neteyam made his way to your side again, and pushed Lo’ak out of the way so he could be close to you, and took your hand in his again, holding to you tightly. You have never seen him like this, so possessive, so desperate to hold you, and you thought you would probably be the same if you watched him die in front of you. You brought his hand to your lips slowly and kissed it. Thank you.

You would have a lifetime to catch up and tell them everything you have wanted to say out loud your whole life but were too afraid to, but in order to do that, you had one thing to do first. You turned your attention to Kiri, who was still holding on to the arm Neteyam wasn’t. 

Finally, you found your voice. It was raw and guttural, and cracked every other word, but it was there. You would learn to use it again in time. 

“What do you say you and me kill this virus, forever?” 

Passed down like folk songs, Our love lasts so long

Tag list (thank you thank you thank you x): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties @mommyneytiri @ultimatebluff @elizarikaallen @yeosxxx @ssc7514 @lolcaca @jackiehollanderr @bunnyrose01 @therealbloom @neteyams-queue @ @r1dd1kulus

[minastras]

also BARE WITH ME hjdskahsdjak im finally here to leave my thoughts on a match made in heaven jake sim's brain and MINA!!!!

the way jake has been trying to match yn FOR THE LONGEST and been telling heeseung about yn too T_T where is my best friend jake to do that for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for jayhoon tbh? LOL

About him being “your dream man”, which made you mime throwing up every time Jake said it.

the way i wanted to punch jake myself dhsjakdhsajk he is so funny!!!

The fridge door abruptly slammed shut. “Jin, they said no,” the fridge guy said firmly, subtly positioning himself between you and Hyeongjin.

THIS RIGHT HERE! S T A N D A R D tyvm and the way i cackled at "fridge guy" HAHAHAHAHA

“Oh, in that case, hi. I’m Heeseung. You must be Y/N.”

the way they met and fridge guy is heeseung :3 PRECIOUS

and then heeseung understanding how yn was uncomfortable from the party after that hyeongjin smh AND THEY WERE A MATCH MADE BY JAKE ANYWAYS, went out for a ride and to the diner T_T

and then jake calling later "I LOVE YN" duuuuuude hahahaha the way i can see him panic irl like that and run through the entire house looking yn.

“I barely know what they look like because you show me the shittiest pictures of them. How am I supposed to help you?” Heeseung countered. So it wasn’t just you, then. 

THE PETTINESS HEESEUNG DID HAHAHA I LAUGHED SO HARD LIKE WELL DESERVED, JAKE LMFAO

And the rest of where they continued hanging out T_T heeseung being a gentleman he is, apologizing each time he mentioned the overshares jake did LOL too cute like <3 we love that jake just love his two favorites and wants them together. i cry!!!

He looked up at you with a boyish grin. “Stargazing. Come join me.”

the way i screamed because stargazing A+

“Hello,” he said playfully.

You giggled. “Hi.”

SO. FUCKING. CUTE. Again, i melted.

you're so good at making a situation cute, silly, a bit worrisome for jake lol BUT still good and cute and i T_T i cant wait to read more!

AHHHH TY TY TY FOR WRITING ALL OF THIS !!! this was the first time i posted my writing publicly and your words mean sm to me <333

\i will let u in on a lil secret .. i have a sunghoon + best friend heeseung fic AND a jake + best friend sunghoon fic in the works. can u tell i have a problem (i didn't even realise it until now LMAO but i'm gonna give jay his own fic probably)

FRIDGE GUY YES bc this is exactly the way my inner monologue labels ppl when idk their names

jake is so well-meaning and earnest but let's be fr men do not know how to choose good pictures!!!! also like bro u're so close to both hee and y/n just bring one of them along with u for lunch one day or sth why must they meet at a PARTY !

in my mind y/n knows some embarrassing stuff abt hee too but they're a bit more self-aware than he is aalsjdnalj

AGAIN tysm for your kind words my heart is rly so full rn !!!

[lanasblood]

OH. MY. GREAT. MOTHER!!!!!! WHATTTT!??!!! Fleurr!!!!! 😨😭 I have no words. the fact you took your time to read this AND write such a long and sweet comment; additionally quoting the text passages you like the most..... I'll cry fr </3 you cannot imagine the fattest grin I had on my face when I read your words, my friend even asked me if I'm texting my crush or something hahahahaha you made me ultimately happy today!!! I can't thank you enough for that again, I'll cry 🥺♥️

you know, that's what I wanted to show, there is no right or wrong in the argument they have because both have their valid reasons; thank you for pointing that out. and I swear the who did this to you does things to me as well hahahaha I totally agree with you on that one; that's why I just HAD to put it in *-* btw, your "hot. like im sorry ik this is horrible but he’s so fucking hot, i can’t help myself" made me giggle sooooo much 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴💖💖💖💖💖

thank you so so so much!! I love you my sunflower 🌻🫂💗

BIG EYES, BIG LIES | neteyam x reader

pairing: neteyam x f!metkayina!reader  summary: you’ve had suffered silently from years of bullying within the metkayina clan, never sharing your pain with anyone, not even your boyfriend neteyam, until one day, there’s no other option, resulting in a huge argument between the two of you but also a moment of understanding and healing.  word count: 5.8k warnings: angsty beginning, fluffy end, established relationship, protective neteyam, angry neteyam, healer boyfriend neteyam, mentions of bullying, violence, blood, difficult past, lying, insults, some suggestive comments, let me know if i forgot something. note: all characters are aged up; the following na’vi words were used: tsurak - skimwing, skxawng - idiot, pxasìk - screw that/no way, kurkung - asshole, kalweyaveng - son of a bitch (lit. ‘child of a poisonous spider‘), tsantu - good guy

* gif’s not mine. 

The familiar sound of your name said over and over again lured you into consciousness. You had lost all sense of the space-time continuum, not knowing where up or down was, whether you were alive or dead. 

Only the pain was omnipresent, it told you it was real what you felt. It burned and pulsed, throbbed and tingled. You surrendered to this pain for what felt like an eternity, groaning again in agony because every movement, no matter how tiny, hurt.

“You are awake.”

Keep reading

[weekend-whip]

What was your process with Jesse, then? And Miranda?

*trembling sobbing crying* There was supposed to just be a running gag where the Fuchsia Ninja would crop up inexplicably from time to time, similar to the movie but more frequent (and then he'd help out the ninja at one specific point in Season 2)........but THEN:

the whole thing with the Elemental Compass was devised (as that didn't even EXIST until after the first story was completely posted), so I had to then flesh out the Element of Surprise which has spiraled into characters like Mystake and Harumi as we know now, and then figuring out how that would manifest into an actual user of that element (i.e. his magic tricks)

I then thought if I could turn Olivia into a full character, why not do the same thing with the Fuchsia Ninja? So then I devised his name, his "secret" identity, tossed him in with the high schoolers, and initially planned to use him to help bridge any loose gaps between Show!verse and Movie!verse that couldn't be naturally resolved (hence why he has a copy of the Elemental Compass itself and why'd he's kinda Captain Exposition at times)...and then he grew a personality. And I was like. Ohh no. I adore this nervous dramatic fool. What have I created

....and then. AND THEN. The day for writing Chapter 6 came...I STRUGGLED with SO MANY drafts on how to make this work. Nelson getting bullied by the Cheer Squad was on one draft (and Jesse was initially gonna be like Nelson's babysitter), Nya was going around as a "Rainbow Ninja" at one point, I juggled through every combo of Ninja to go on this mission before landing on Nya and Cole because it made the most sense, and Mystake's parts weren't even a THOUGHT until the last second (because I realized I wanted a less bizarre way for Lloyd to get the Map of Dens, and could use this as foreshadowing for later). But then, to spice up the fight with the generic Shark Army thugs I was like.....we could sprinkle some lore here.......we could put the Fuchsia Ninja here...that could be a fun....surprise....

............................and then I was writing all their interactions during the fight. They've all got some hilarious friendly chemistry. And. Then. My. Silly. Little. Foolish. Brain. whispers to me in the heat of the moment: "What if...Wouldn't it be funny if the Fuchsia Ninja had a crush on Cole?" ha. Funny. Just something for a small, amusing laugh every now and then. I would never actually ship some pink/purple OC with Cole? That had already been done countless times, and probably better! Imagine being so uninspired. Ha. hahahaha. Ha.

...But it was too late. The seed was planted. The flower was blooming. The daydreaming started. The ideas and scenes and possibilities and the development became clearer by the day. The ship was SAILING...well, eventually. It was sailing in my heart, and that was enough. I just had to pace myself with it...and my god I now see why no one writes slow burns anymore JUST HUG

AAAAAAAaaaaaannnnnnnd from there that blew up Jesse's character arc (as in, MADE IT BIGGER). More backstory was born that helped me flesh out what was already there, a history with Wu was devised, a family blossomed to support/intimidate him, goals, motivations, fears, imperfections, insecurities spiraled into existence from just the single act of this lil' blorbo falling in love...! Suddenly all of his character beats fell perfectly into place! Divine intervention took my hand and dragged me forward in full force! Jesse Marvell became a character and he was here for the long haul! And I've never looked back *-*

...now, as for Miranda, I...can't quite remember when she popped up as a concept, but I'm pretty sure it was because I needed/wanted someone to keep Jesse in check. Such as:

keeping Jesse from being too OP with his powers (because she's studied his powers extensively, she can anticipate them more than most people. Hence, Jesse struggles to surprise her easily, so he's near powerless whenever he's in her vicinity unless he gets really creative)

to help keep his character/personality from falling into the horrible, horrible trope of only being about his "pursuit" of Cole (which I'd...like to think I'm doing okay with especially for my first real Oc x Canon ship but I don't trust my hands—they're just so LOVELY—augh—!)

Giving him some extra motivations for his character, as we've seen the tip of the iceberg of in Ch40. I think I mentioned this before, but Miranda's related to why he doesn't fully have his True Potential. So. Um. There's that to look forward to~

Unrelated to Jesse, she also exists to help fill Nya's vacuum via her becoming a ninja much, MUCH earlier (similar to Bridget for Olivia's personality tweak as I mentioned in the other post), especially in Season 3. She's one of the Techies too, but she specializes in software and data organization, thus she can't actually engineer anything, but she loves streamlining the interfaces/UI/software for the things Jay invents or keeping Zane up to date internally. (This also leads her to have a small rivalry with Pixal).

...Except all this kind of made her a tad sueish in turn soooooooo...I dropped a building on her. And then that blew up her character arc. (Prosthetics, baby!!! But now she can smack people around with her own arm, so like, who's really coming out on top here?)

...buuuuut then I was like "no wait I can use this" because if she's kind of always been "easily perfect", that also feeds into Jesse's jealousy/envy of her (because he struggles just to reach the bare minimum at times) and then that loops back into his guilt for letting her get hurt under his watch and then that loops back into annoyance at how she's thriving anyway and then he feels guilty about feeling like that and I oop—

(Thus, her biggest character flaw becomes being almost entirely oblivious to just how much she affects Jesse...and other people. But Jesse especially. Primarily because she's still so young. But still. And my god is that a fun heart-wrenching train wreck to watch).

[du-buk]

Hi, Niko! what inspired you to create 8:11?

Hi! I would like to take this opportunity to touch on some of the themes and scenes in 8:11, so, a general warning for talks of depression, death, etc.

This is a chart I made, to show some major inspirations I got for 8:11.

8:11 went through many stages when it was first drafted. It didn't become a horror, RPG maker game until I played Ao Oni with my siblings, many many many years ago hahahaha. I also used to make movies with a shitty camera when I was a kid, so, I think I was just always inspired to create stories of my own haha.

The horror genre has made a really big impact on me. I absolutely love that it is a genre that explores dark, terrifying, gritty, strange, uncomfortable feelings/thoughts/faults we have as humans. Other movies not mentioned in the chart above that really inspired me, or that I just love, are American Psycho, The Lighthouse, The Shining, The VVitch, Misery, etc etc etc etc. Oh my god, if you allowed me to talk about horror for hours, I absolutely would. It's a genre that is perfect in my eyes.

Alright, the read more will contain the tougher subjects;

(Death warning) My father passed away when I was young. It's a trauma that I am upfront about, as it's certainly bled into my works. Please understand, and respect that Leon is not meant to hold any resemblance to my actual father. And Ryker is not a stand-in for myself, or my thoughts and feelings regarding "revenge" or such. This story is still FICTION. I obviously do not condone killing people.

Throughout the years of battling the loss, and grief, over my father, I have learned a lot about myself, and my journey with depression. I've lost friends as well, due to various circumstances. I think grief is an interesting subject to write with, as everyone handles it differently. I like to use my characters as a way to show that grief can be incredibly ugly, externally or internally, and take control over us. Everyone in 8:11 is grieving over something(or someone), and I like to show a variety of what we as humans can experience in life.

It means a lot to me that people have played my game, but to also hear that people often feel connected with Ryker or other characters. To hear that Ryker and Leon's relationship and loss can make some people cry is touching for me. I cannot explain why, but I suppose I feel seen.

I also just love stories with characters losing their god damn minds. It's a fun adventure, hahaha. Sorry for the deep talks of death above anon. I am upfront that a lot of mental and physical struggles I face are projected onto my characters.

[imthatchishiyasimp]

I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh shit” was all I could say, looking at the now crimson red-hoodie.

“You better fix that”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi!!! Had this idea and couldn't resist writing about it, also the title helped to develop it hahahaha.

it's not NSFW, but it hints a bit about it at the end, so be careful. Also, TW: death and blood are both mentioned and described.

The previous game night I got my sweatshirt broken, and since then I had been borrowing people’s clothes. I wasn’t able to search for a new decent one and I was planning on scabaging a few stores on my way back to the Beach after this game.

I had managed to steal a few clothes from Kunai and some other people, and they didn’t mind. No one minded but Chishiya, that bastard. His hoodies were so clean and soft, wonders where he took them. So, given that he didn’t want to lend them over, I broke into his room and stole the best one. It was pure white, big and comfy with a front pocket and a hood.

He wasn’t supposed to go out and play tonight, so it would have been fine. He wasn’t even in the car when I got there. But, out of nowhere, he was at the lobby of the game arena I was supposed to clear.

I mean, the mad look he gave me? Dude, I was scared.

We were playing a spades game, an easy one. In total there were eight participants, two of them were new to the games and scared to the bone.

“REGISTRATION HAS CLOSED. THERE ARE A TOTAL OF 8 PARTICIPANTS. THE GAME WILL NOW COMMENCE.”

I looked around and saw a path going up the stairs and into a wide corridor. Two small tables were placed at the bottom of them, one holding the phones left after we all took our own, and the other one with several collars. I had heard of them in other games, but I didn’t have the pleasure of trying them on.

While the phones were informing us of the difficulty of the game, I got closer to Chishiya, step by step, judging if he was mad enough to give me the silent treatment. Apparently not, because he didn’t push me away nor did he go to the other corner of the mini crowd we formed. I tucked my hand into the pocket and balanced on my toes, listening to the rules of the game.

“GAME: TARGET SHOOTING.”

“PLEASE, PUT ON THE COLLARS PLACED ON THE TABLE”.

Reluctantly, we all clasped the collar around our necks. It felt wrong and cold, like the hand of a murderer patiently waiting to squeeze harder and harder until you died. I swallowed hard, rolling my head and trying to get used to the feeling. My eyes drifted to Chishiya’s form and I wasn’t surprised to find him unaltered. His hands were hidden in his pockets, his face covered by the hood, but I caught a glimpse of his eyes.

He looked at me, from head to toes. Would he forgive me because I looked good in his clothes? Probably not, but I could wish.

“RULE: MANAGE TO SHOOT ACCURATELY TO THE TARGET WITH THE CROSSBOWS LEFT IN EACH ROOM”.

“CLEAR CONDITION: PASS THE 10 ROOMS WITH PERFECT AIM. IF YOU FAIL, YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED. IF YOU MAKE ANOTHER PLAYER SHOOT IN YOUR TURN, YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED”.

“TIME LIMIT: 30 MINUTES, EACH ROOM HAS A MAXIMUM OF 3 MINUTES. IF YOU DON’T CLEAR THE ROOM IN THAT TIME, YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED”.

“THE GAME WILL START ONCE YOU OPEN THE DOORS”.

Without a word, we all took the stairs up to the first mark pointing to door number 1. Some guy opened it and we walked inside. It was almost empty, leaving one table with a crossbow and a handful of arrows. At the end of the room there was a kind of dart-board, but the red center was way bigger than usual. Just a few steps from the door there was a mark with two feet, signaling the shooting position.

Our phones chimed with the time starting the countdown. Below the time apparead the face of one of the players, giving him the first turn. A black haired boy took the crossbow with confidence, getting the arrow ready and shooting with efficiency.

“Are you mad at me?” I whispered to Chishiya.

He gave me the eye and grunted. “I clearly remember telling you not to steal my clothes. Are you going deaf?”

I giggled and hid my nose in the hoodie. It smelled like him, one of the very first reasons why I stole it. I love the way he smells of new things, undiscovered fragrances and fresh days. It brought me peace and calm; I felt safe.

“I was cold and couldn’t find anything else. You weren’t supposed to see, I thought you weren’t due yet”.

The first three participants did well, the last one getting too close to the limit but managing anyway. I was next.

Taking an arrow and getting ready for the shooting, I placed myself on the mark and breathed deeply. I didn’t like guns, but I had a good aim when needed. With a clear shot, I gave the crossbow to the next player.

We all passed the room within the time limit and left for the next one. Given the easiness of the first room, a bust of confidence started to grow in each player, so when the target became a pain to shoot, panic bursted in the room.

It was room 4 where the first player died. An old woman that was trembling with fear and exhaustion missed the red circle. She dropped the crossbow and looked at us in fear, grabbing the collar and pulling with force. I walked backwards until I met the opposite wall. Chishiya was next to me, with his eyes locked in the body of the lady going down after the bomb exploded. I couldn’t look at it.

The next player had to move her body to be able to step on the mark, and that was when all of us were aware of the situation. While I knew what the collar meant, some of the participants didn’t.

“I will return it after the game, I promise. Just wait until we finish and I’m able to take something from some mall” I told him walking towards room number 6. No one was talking, so my voice was easy to pick up above the steps of the players. They looked at me from the corner of their eyes, wondering how I was so calm, how I was able to think of something else apart from the game.

Chishiya brought my hood up and placed it on my head, covering my hair with it. “If you don’t bring it back, you will face consequences” And then he walked faster to the next room. I gulped, not wanting to know what would await me if I didn’t. The feeling of his fingers through the strands of my hair still alive on my mind.

Room 8 only held four players. Chishiya and I were with the boy with shooting experience and a girl with short hair. Both of them were young and composed, getting through the game without a word from their lips.

It was getting noticeably difficult. The target was in higher places and getting smaller by the point. A headache was starting to grow and it made me clench my fingers more often, almost making me shoot a moment before I was ready. The pressure of the time was smaller since we were less people, but it meant we took more time to get ready and I was getting nervous.

The four of us made it to room 10. It looked like the last one, extremely difficult with a very small target and too high to comfortably shoot. The boy was called first and he got ready to shoot. His confidence had wavered in the last rooms, same as the rest, but he still made an effort on showing a calm facade.

I was sure he was gonna clear the game. I think all of the players in the room thought so. And I was behind him, waiting for my turn, looking anxiously at the time getting close to the end. But also, we all thought there wasn’t going to happen anything else. No one saw the vents opening and giving a rush of air, making the arrow go a bit to the left and missing the target. It was a soft breeze, but enough to change the course of the arrow.

“No. No, no, no. No! This wasn’t supposed to happen! They didn’t tell! It’s not fair! I was the first one to shoot!” He shouted. He started screaming at us because now we knew about it. He died in the middle of a cry, shaking me from the shoulders. And I just stood there, listening to his cries and too shocked to fight him.

I got all his blood spattered on myself, his dead eyes printed on my mind.

I don’t recall what happened after. I just remember throwing the body of the dead player to one side, taking the crossbow and shooting to the target. I almost missed, having miscalculated the force of the air released by the vents. I think the girl went after me and cleared the game too. We waited until Chishiya shot and stood there, listening to the beeping sound of the phones.

“GAME CLEAR”.

“CONGRATULATIONS”.

Leaving the hotel next to Chishiya was a bit awkward. He was playing with the card in his hands, looking at it with an interesting face. And he wasn’t talking, not even humming. He liked to point out things about the game after he cleared them, about the rules, the players or the place we played in. But he didn’t. We arrived at the nearest car that was going to the Beach and I made a move to get in. I wasn’t in the mood of walking all the way back, but Chishiya stopped me before I could open the door.

“Nope, you are not coming” He told me, pushing me away from the car.

“What? Why?” I asked, frowning my eyebrows. He pointed to my chest and I looked down. “Oh shit” It was so far gone. There was not a single white spot in the hoodie. It was absolutely red. “Oh fuck, oh no, I’m so sorry”. I looked at him, my face showing full remorse, big eyes asking for forgiveness. I tried to reach him, failing when he moved out of my reach.

He just smirked and shook his head. “I will wait until tomorrow night. You better fix that before then”. And he got in the car, leaving me alone in the street, hands still in the air.

“Chishiya you bastard! I didn’t do it on purpose!”

So there I was, going into every shop I could find, searching for an identical hoodie and taking advantage of the trip to pick a few things for myself. It wasn’t a special hoodie or something, but most of them were either the wrong size or too dirty. I took my precious time looking for a perfect one, also taking some more to give as an apology and for me to match. We would see who would try to steal then.

I had miscalculated the time it would take me to walk back to the Beach. The ride to the game arena was a bit longer than usual, but I didn’t think walking would take me that much.

The sun was going down when I reached the Beach. I was famished and thirsty as hell. I was only able to take a fast lunch and I walked a too long distance. I went straight to the kitchens and I gulped down a full bottle of water with some snacks.

After I was satisfied, I stood and took my bags to my room, putting away the clothes I picked and changing into something clean. Taking the ones I chose for Chishiya, I left my room and went to his.

I knocked and waited until I heard footsteps coming to open the door. I fought a smile miting my lip and tried to remain calm. He opened the door just a bit to see who was knocking, opening fully seeing me there.

“Do you like this one?” I said while turning around and opening my arms. “It’s exactly the same one, size and all, and don’t forget the hood and the pocket!” I watched him lean into the door frame and smirk behind his hair. He gave me a look crossing his arms and letting out a breathy laugh.

I remained serious and gave a sorry look. “I mean, if you don’t like it, I have a few more for you to choose. Here, let me try them on so you can see how they look” Taking the sleeves, I pulled my arms out and started to take the hoodie off in the middle of the corridor.

I heard him moving just when I was about to take it off. Suddenly I was being dragged by the arm and thrown into Chishiya’s room.

I laughed out loud, almost tripping because of the strength and the lack of vision due to the hoodie being over my head. His room smelled like he did and I was high on it.

“Do you need to be such a pain for me to do something?” He said with a smug voice, taking the hoodie completely off me. His dark eyes checked me out and I felt so vulnerable under his gaze that I felt chills running through my body.

Could he be any more handsome? The way this eyes held the whole world’s knowledge made me shiver in both fear and awe. The white strands of hair dancing around his face, making him shine even more. His smile, a rare but precious sight.

His touch was warm and delicate. His fingers went through my hair, to my cheekbones and to my neck, going slowly and leaving me breathless.

I took a step forward and grabbed at his clothes, feeling brave for a moment, getting close to his ear to whisper with a soft and heavy voice: “It worked, didn’t it?” Besides, now I know what it takes to bring you down”.

“You’re on”.

[nonbinary-alien25]

1. Are you named after anyone?

well, my birthname is of religious origins, however my answer was originally going to be no, because I chose the name that I go by now and I didn't name myself after anyone. (although i guess i Did choose my middle name as a slight reference to my favorite comfort character. but also mostly just because I loved the way it sounded, especially when said with my first name). but anyways, then I remembered that technically, completely on accident and without ever having known until someone asked me about it, i did name myself after a video game character (excluding my middle name). but in my defense, i had no clue said character existed at all and it was purely accidental/coincidental, so I don't think it fully counts

2. When was the last time you cried?

uhhhhh full on cried?? i have no clue, it's been months probably. the closest I came to full on crying was a few weeks ago in a therapy session lmao

3. Do you have kids?

lmfao in this economy? no. also I'm only 19. and a lesbian. and generally very disinterested in sex lol. so all in all, no I don't have kids. I'm still on the fence about whether I want them or not. if I did, I'd most likely adopt cause I don't ever want to give birth to a child myself, but if my future partner wanted to give birth then I'd be happy to do that instead or as well

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

me? sarcastic? never. (lying). oh boy do i use sarcasm a lot. i even have a shirt that says "national sarcasm society: like we need your support". though i don't think I always understand it when it's used on me lmao. i am better at using it than understanding it

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

hahahaha me?? sports?? that's funny. uhm. i guess I did karate for a little bit when I was a kid, if you wanna count that. and I've thought about trying to get into boxing recently, but the jury's still out on that

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

uhhhhh honestly I have no clue but like probably their clothes?? esp if they have like really cool accessories or smth I dunno

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

probably happy endings?? I mean scary movies are great and all but I don't really watch them a ton. I love a good, fucked up psychological horror every now and then though, love me some deep dives into the human psyche. but still, I don't watch them very often at all, so I'd still have to go with happy endings. I'm soft for them, anyways

8. Any special talents?

uhhh I'm a pretty good writer i guess?? and my fingers/hands are like. pretty hypermobile lol though I don't think that's as much of a talent as it is just. how my body is lmao. but other than that I don't really think I have any super special talents lol

9. Where were you born?

Massachusetts

10. What are your hobbies?

uhhhh writing, reading fanfic, listening to music, I guess baking has also become slightly more of a hobby than it used to be. I love making my aunt's snickerdoodle recipe, and I also made some white chocolate chip cookies a while ago that were pretty bomb. oh also I do like swimming, so. that too.

11. Do you have any pets?

I do!! i have a kitty cat that's around 2 years old and i love her so so so so so much

12. How tall are you?

like 5'2 lmao I'm Short

13. Fave subject in school?

ooooo I've always super loved english class, but I'm also a big fan of math and science :)) and my high school did offer a forensics class that I took in my sophomore year that I loved.

14. Dream job?

i mean i would like to not Have to have a job to y'know. survive or have even the slightest chance of Actually Living, but. since that's not possible, then I'd say probably author? because I love writing and I'm good at it and it's probably like the only thing I can actually see myself enjoying enough to do full-time. but also I'm still pretty burnt out after forcing myself to push through the burnout for so long to get through high school

15. Eye color?

blue!! sometimes kinda grey-ish, but like. they're blue

no pressure tags:

I don't think I have 15 mutuals to tag, so I'll just tag whoever I can lol. but feel free to ignore if you don't feel like doing this lol

@yourlocalegotisticalqueerishere @chocolatemilk25 @for-forever21 @angels-in-the-electric-chair @justpalsbeingals @rockford-peaches @zariscellphone @lochjhessmonster @marimacha-tonto

15 questions for 15 mutuals

❤️ Thanks for the tag, @descendantdragfi, @obscurus-noctem and @fluttereyes  ❤️

1. Are you named after anyone? Not directly, but my mother chosed a name of  a british singer she liked when she was living in UK, years before my birth. The singer was already completely forgotten when I was born though. :p

2. When was the last time you cried? Full tears, I don’t remember, but last week, I had really teary eyes reading a journalist I was follwing on Twitter was dead.

3. Do you have kids? No.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? To me, to life, quite often, though I’m probably more ironic than sarcastic, but  not to others, it can be hurting. Yep, I’m a soft heart. :p

5. What sports do you play/have you played? Gosh, none, I’ve always hated sport (and it’s mutual). I walk and do yoga alone, but I don’t consider that as sports.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Actually it depends on who are these people, where we are, and why I meet them!

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings can quickly run on my nerves, so scary movies (but they can run on my nerves too! :D)

8. Any special talents? Nope, absolutley none. I can’t even move my eyebrows in a funny way or whatever useless talent, so let’s not talk about outstanding ones!

9. Where were you born? Paris, France.

10. What are your hobbies? Huuuuh, would you believe it if I’d say Sims and CC making? :D Also baking and gardening (though that last one is more something I do because I want to eat healthy vegetables, not because I have a passion for gardening). And reading!

11. Do you have any pets? No

12. How tall are you? 1,78 m

13. Fave subject in school? It used to be literature but it would be history nowadays.

14. Dream job? Not needing to work would be my dream life. Then, a dream job? :/ 15. Eye colour? Blue.

Tagging (I tried to pick people who haven’t replied already, sorry if you did in the meanwhile! ;D Also, feel free to ignore, as usual!): @tragicpixel, @treason-and-plot, @tsims, @camisulsul, @nessysims, @grandelama, @eisfee, @pixelbots, @lilidebergerac, @simlicious, @laurademelza, @simsaralove, @kimmiessimmies, @pancakebobs, @theplumdot

[polarisbibliotheque]

hello!! I love you and your writing! ^^💕💕

i was wondering if your requests were open? if they are well...

there's this one idea i had and it was about how the Sparda twins would react to meeting an s/o that was somehow taller than them? and what they would think?

it's simple ik but, it got me curious lol

once again, love your stuff- keep it up! you're doing great !! 💕✨✨ ^^

Hey there!! Thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words! It certainly put a smile on my face and made my day better - I would even say worth it! ^^

Well, regarding that idea, I wrote more on what I think rather than a scenario...? Because there is so much going on behind it, I felt like I'd have to explain myself! Hahahaha

Without further ado... Dante and Vergil with an s/o taller than them

**

Upon first meeting their s/o, I think both Spardas wouldn’t have reactions regarding their height – kinda for different but equal reasons.

Dante wouldn’t say anything and treat them normally simply because it’s Dante. He was mistreated his whole life and decided to live away from society because he has something that makes him different – his demonic half. Given that, I think Dante would be extremely accepting to different people and their ways, even if they were considered “weird” by society’s standards.

I mean, look at the Devil May Cry and the crew. They are all weirdos – Dante is like a home to people who can’t fit in. Therefore, I think he would treat another person taller than him completely normally, not batting a single eye. If they are a hunter like him, Dante would most probably talk about their abilities rather than their height. If they start out as enemies, than yeah, he’d probably make a pun or two regarding their height (picture Dante teasing the hell out of Lady Dimitrescu and making almost sexual puns, in his playful manner, and her answering in the same wavelength – they’d be that sort of “friendly enemies” and it would be the fight of a lifetime. I’d pay to see that).

But you know… His s/o wouldn’t be safe after the curse of intimacy with Dante.

Now for Vergil, I think he wouldn’t say anything regarding the person’s height upon first meeting because Vergil kinda doesn’t care about anything but power – but not that “I need more power” crazed Vergil, so let me elaborate.

Again, Vergil grew up surviving on his own as a demonic outcast. He tried so hard to get rid of his humanity – so he definitely met all kinds of demons and people along the way. And I do mean all kinds. Therefore, I think Vergil is almost on the same wavelength as Dante regarding not caring about people’s backgrounds or differences – but differently than Dante, it isn’t because he is that kind of “if you don’t fit in, be welcome ‘cause there’s no judgement here” sort of person, he’s more like a “I don’t care how the hell you look like or how you present yourself, I care about how powerful you are” in a… Self-defense sort of manner.

You know those people who carefully watch everyone and silently make their acquaintance – in his case, all while gripping the hilt of the Yamato? I think that’s how Vergil reacts to people in general. He doesn’t trust anyone and he will assess how powerful they are to see if they deserve his respect or if he doesn’t have to worry about being suddenly attacked. So, upon meeting a taller s/o, I think he’d be more worried about seeing what their intentions really are than actually minding about such “frivolities” like height. And that goes for friendly or not encounters – differently from Dante, I don’t think he’d banter regarding their height, only regarding their power.

Ok, now… What about established relationships?

Dante would be such a goof. Probably teasing his s/o all the time – but not in a manner to make them feel self-conscious about their height. It’d be more in the lines of “Bet a tall glass of water like yourself can put a demon like me down, wanna test, babe?” or something cheesy like that. He’d be all about those bad pickup lines that would sound so great just because it’s him. Imagine like:

“Wow, is it just me or powerful, beautiful deities are falling from the sky already? ‘Cause ya know, someone wonderful like yourself just can’t be from this Earth.”

“Oh my, you’re awful.”

“It’s my humble human nature, my lovely deity.” Proceeds to bow humbly while his s/o rolls their eyes and laughs at the same time because he is such a certified GOOF.

Also, do expect a lot of worship and Dante jokingly treating them like a deity because “you’re so tall, beautiful and mighty”. He’d most certainly carry this to the bedroom – power plays and worship would definitely ensue… Because you know, he is big, tall and mighty™ all the time, but he’d gladly give it up while around his s/o. I guess it’d be his way to relax from work and from everything he carries from life, you know?

Vergil, I think, would be… Normal. I mean, like I said before, I think he’s more the kind to mind about power than looks – he does have his standards, but I don’t think someone taller would put him off or matter much to him. On this subject, I think Vergil is more used to physically different creatures than Dante – because, well, I think he has more of an experience of living alongside demons instead of just killing them, like his twin brother.

So – and this is a personal opinion – being used to different creatures ever since he started to survive all by himself, and not having much of a normal childhood, Vergil certainly was bound to be used to the more human like ones who are actually taller or much taller than him. For instance, succubus or the likes – beautiful, demonic women who are taller or the same height as the son of Sparda.

I think, again personal opinion, he doesn’t have much of that human notion of “oh, this is so different because it’s so rare to find people like this” – for all demons and humans he encountered in his life were so drastically different from each other and what really matters is what they are thinking and feeling, not how they look like.

That being said, I don’t think Vergil would care much about that. He would love his s/o deeply and care for them, praising their beauty, intellect and – if they fight as well – power. I do think, though, in more intimate settings, Vergil might bring it up, if they have A LOT of trust and intimacy built over time.

Such like, in a very unexpected manner, after bantering a little with their s/o about the most mundane thing, he’d say something like “Well, well, look at who’s thinking height means power” with a slightly fun smile hidden on his lips, clearly as a little joke between them. All in all, he’d only do this as a way to make them laugh or smile, as a little something to amuse them.

Like Dante, I don’t think Vergil is immune to power plays – unlike his brother, though, I think it would take a VERY LONG trust building time to get to that – but I bet Vergil would secretly feel a sort of relief upon giving up the tall, stoic and powerful™ demeanor for a very few moments.

Regarding being protective, I think both are in the same wavelength: they’re protective towards everyone. Period. If they are tall, small, human, half-human, powerful, weak, whatever… Dante and Vergil will protect their s/o fiercely. It doesn’t matter.

Even if their s/o goes like “You know, those guys are half my height, I can take them with one arm strapped behind my back”, Dante would say like “Well, but I’m half demon, I’m stronger than you, babe. Why don’t you sit this one through, huh? I got this.” And Vergil would just go “Don’t you dare move.” And judgement cut everything and everyone around them before they could even say something else.

**

Phew! That was a long one, right? Hahahahaha I’m so sorry I didn’t really write something and just wrote a lot about what I think, but I felt like it would be interesting sharing this!

I do think for similar and un-similar reasons, they are both very chill people regarding physical appearance/personal tastes of others, precisely because they are outcasts themselves. I thought it would be nice elaborating on that thought rather than writing a situation without explaining ^^

I hope you like it, though! Once more, thanks so much for dropping by and leaving kind words on my ask! It's very much appreciated!!

[kirausamaria]

I got you all for myself (Stolitz fanfic).

Another silly and fluffy Stolitz’ tk fanfic I wrote. Hope some other better fanfic writers will write their owns because my brain is getting dry  XD. Cheers!

Usually Blitzo would have sex with Stolas until dawn. It was kind of amazing that both of them could last that long, but after waiting for a whole month for their next encounter it was kind of expected that they were so sexually charged.

Blitzo had been thinking about talking with Stolas about meeting more often at night, but he was kind of hesitant to do so. He didn’t want to look too needy, or look vulnerable in front of him. His heart wasn’t completely opened to Stolas yet, but he recognized he enjoyed their time together.

‘Are you going to untie me now darling?’, Stolas asked with a flirty tone. His wrists were still tied to the higher part of the bed, allowing him to stay seated but unable to put his arms down.

‘Not yet. I plan to finish up my cigarette’, Blitzo replied while smoking on the other side of the bed. ‘I won’t give you any this time’, showing Stolas his tongue jokingly.

‘Or perhaps’, Stolas said, ‘you enjoy looking at me like this, am I wrong Blitzy?’. He smiled at Blitzo, making him cough because of the sudden statement.

‘God damnit Stolas! Do you want me to cause a fuc*ing fire over here? I almost let the cigarette fall on the bed!’

‘Well, is that a yes, then?’ Stolas continued with his teasing.

‘Could you stop with all that crap already?’, Blitzo answered while poking Stolas’ side several times, making him giggle. ‘You won’t want to keep bothering me while still being tied like that’.

‘And what if I keep going Blitzy? Am I making you blush?’ Stolas winked at him in a sexy way, predicting what it would happen if he did.

‘Ok, I warned you, time for you to be punished for being such an annoying bird!’ Blitzo put the cigarette down, sat behind Stolas and started scratching his ribs.

‘Ahahahaha!, Blitzy, please, hahaha!’

‘Don’t give me that sh*t now! You started this, now suck it up!’

‘Both my hands are tied up! This isn’t fair, hehehe!’

‘Maybe, but I enjoy torturing you so who cares?’

Blitzo then started tickling Stolas’ underarms, making him squirm frantically and trying to get away, but he could only lift on his legs a little on the bed.

‘Ahahahaha! Not there! I’m begging you!’

‘You can’t tell me what to do, even as a Prince! I can do anything I want to you’, Blitzo said while smiling mischievously at him. ‘What about this, I will tickle you on your favorite spot so you’ll stop complaining, what do you think?’.

‘Oh no, nohohohoho!’, Stolas answered between giggles as Blitzo’s wiggling claws were getting closer and closer to his neck. Blitzo knew this kind of teasing was making him laugh more. Stolas just prepared for the attack, closing his eyes and trying to cover his neck with his arms while snickering.

When Blitzo’s claws touched his neck, Stolas let out a very loud squeal followed by cute giggles. Blitzo wasn’t wrong, Stolas neck was really sensitive and even when being kissed and nibbled there was unbearably ticklish for him, he would enjoy every second of it, as he never tried to put Blitzo away and still exposed his neck to him while getting on.

‘Ahahaha! No! Stahahahahap! Dohohohon’t use your claws! Just use your lips as you always dohohoho!’.

‘My lips, huh?’, Blitzo said while smiling at the cute owl prince. ‘Can’t see why not. Well, you asked for it!’. Blitzo then proceeded to get close to Stolas neck for what seemed to be a kiss, but ended up being a strong and loud raspberry  on the crook of his neck.

‘NOHOHOHO! AHAHAHAHA! Not like that! It 's too much!’

‘Sorry, still not done!’. Blitzo then blew up a raspberry on the other side of his neck, while nuzzling on his feathers in order to make the tickling stronger.

‘AHAHAHAHA! *hic*, AHAHAHA! Pleaseee, I can’t take it!’

‘Oh, don’t come up to me with that sh*t!  You can get away from this whenever you want to! Who’d believe such a powerful royalty demon could be converted into a puddle of giggles so easily!’

Blitzo wasn’t wrong. Stolas was a very strong demon who could easily beat almost anyone without any effort, but being dominated by his beloved top imp Blitzo was too tempting for him to run away from, and being tickled silly from time to time wasn’t that bad. Stolas not trying to untie himself and letting Blitzo to do as he pleased was really a big sign of trust.

‘AHAHAHA *hoot*, HAHAHAHA! *hoot* *hic*’

‘Ha, you have started with the hooting, haven’t you? God, what would your enemies do to you if they knew you are this ticklish? You would be so done!’,Blitzo then hugged Stolas’ waist with his legs from behind in order to restrain him even more and drilled his fingers into his ribs.

Stolas started squirming harder, melting into laughter to the point of tearing up. Blitzo then scratched an underarm with one claw and the neck with the other. It was then when Stolas started begging for real.

‘BLITZY, PLEASEHEHEHEHE! STOP RIGHT NOW! I CAHAHAHAN’T BREATHEHEHEHE!’

‘Alright alright, I’ll stop. Hope you learned your lesson!’ Blitzo got down from Stolas and untied him. Stolas just let himself fall completely into the bed still giggling and cleaning up his tears with the bedsheets.

‘Hehehehe *hic*, oh my, that was a little too much Blitzy! I’m crying now!’

‘As you deserve it! I would make you suffer for much longer but I got tired of listening to your cute owl voice so I’d rather forgive you this time’.

Stolas suddenly stopped giggling.

‘What?’

         ‘What what?’

‘What did you just say?’

         ‘About what?’

        ‘Do you think my voice is cute?’

Blitzo just then realized what he had said, and of course he tried to deny it.

‘What? I didn’t! Why would I say that?!’

‘That’s exactly what you just said!’

‘That’s not true, F off!’

Stolas then hugged him from behind then and softly whispered on Blitzo’s ear:

‘Please Blitzy, let me hear it...tell me you love my voice’.

Blitzo shuddered from the tingling sensations entering his ear, he squirmed trying to escape Stolas’ teasing.

‘You jerk! Let me go!’

‘Why? Is this making you blush? Does my voice fluster you that much?’, Stolas said while giggling.

‘Shut up! That’s not it!’, Blitzo replied. He didn’t want Stolas to realize how flustered he was. Also, Stolas’ soft voice was too close to him, to the point of tickling him. He tried to avoid any giggling but it was hard to achieve with his cute boyfriend teasing him.

‘Don’t you love when I’m this close to you like this?’,Stolas continued, now kissing the nape of Blitzo’s neck. That was the final straw: Blitzo left some giggles come out and that just made Stolas more enthusiastic about teasing him.

‘Please, Stolas! Stop! It feels weihihihird!’

‘Oh, is my cute little imp’s neck ticklish too? You’re so adorable!’ Stolas knew that teasing Blitzo messed up with him more than he would ever admit, so he just kept going until he was able to make him confess.

‘Are both my voice and kisses making you melt Blitzy? Oh, you’re so giggly and blushy right now’.

‘Shuhuhuhut up! Just stop already!’ Blitzo wasn’t yelling in anger or anything, he was just laughing at this point, so he wasn’t intimidating at all. Then Stolas tried something else to break him: he started caressing Blitzo’s ribs with his claws just enough to be ticklish. Blitzo doubled the efforts to escape.

‘Nohohoho! Not the ribs!’

‘Why is that? I know here is your favorite tickle spot Blitzy, you laugh your heart out every time’, Stolas said, still whispering in his ear.

‘That’s not truhuhuhue! Stahahahahap, it tickles!’

‘What if I tell you I can make you more ticklish than this?’, Stolas replied in a flirty way. Then he moved Blitzo on a way half of his body was out the bed and hanging, while pinning his legs so he couldn’t stand up and reach him with his arms because of gravity. Blitzo started begging while giggling nervously.

‘Dohohon’t you dare Stolas!’

‘You know what you need to say to make it stop, darling’.

Then the torture began: Stolas started tickling Blitzo’s torso from the waist down to his ribs. Sometimes he would scratch, other times he would dig his claws on him. Blitzo couldn’t lift his arms high enough to stop it.

‘AAHAHAHAHA! PLEASE DOHOHOHON’T! I’M GONNA DIE!’

‘Of course not, I would never do anything to hurt you my cute Blitzy. I just love you so much!’,Stolas cooed while scratching his underarms.

‘YOU F***ING A**HOLE! JUST WAIHIHIHIT UNTIL I’M FREE!’, Blitzo let out a scream followed by a loud laugh. Tears started to form in his eyes.

‘Oh, but you’re not free now, I got you all for myself sweetie’, Stolas replied while his fingers scattered on Blitzo’s full torso.

‘GOHOHOHOD DAMNIT STOOOOLAS! STAHAHAHAHP!’

‘Just repeat what you said and I’ll stop’, Stolas answered  and started nibbling and munching on Blitzo's side while still using his hands on his neck and one of his underarms. ‘Will you please say it for me?’

‘ALRIHIHIHIGTH, ALRIHIHHIHIGHT, I’LL FUHUHUHU*ING SAY IT! I LIKE YOUR VOICE! I LOVE TO HEAR WHEN YOU SING OR LAUGH AT MY JOKES! JUHUHUHUST STOP IT ALREADY!’

Stolas finally stopped. Blitzo was so exhausted he was unable to get up by himself so Stolas lifted him up, put him on his lap and hugged him while was still catching up his breath and giggling.

‘That’s one of the sweetest things you have ever said to me!’, Stolas said while squeezing the living hell out of Blitzo.

‘Please let me breathe, I’m about to pass out!’

‘Oh, sorry, did I go a little too far?’, Stolas said in an innocent tone  while trying to hold up his laughter for watching Blitzo so flustered and tired to the point of not fighting his hug.

‘You know what you were doing you jerk! God damnit, I’m crying too’.

Stolas covered him in a softer embrace and whispered to him: ‘I love you so much Blitzy’. Blitzo’s face got red, but he didn’t give any smart a*s comeback, he just slowly put his arms around Stolas’ waist. They stayed like this in silence for a whole minute.

‘Hey, do you want to go out somewhere and get some coffee? It’s a nice day to go outside and the leaves are already changing color’, Stolas said while caressing Blitzo’s cheeks with his hands.

‘Alright, but if you try to tickle me in public you’ll go literally thought hell when we go back home, I warn you’.

‘Understood’, Stolas replied while rubbing his cheek on Blitzo’s face, making him blush more.

Thanks for reading my dumb fanfic. Feel free to give me tip if you want on streamlabs. www.streamlabs.com/tip/kirausamaria