#I love this shit this is my favorite kind of shit. Jack used to be king nostalgia but Alex swoops in big when he does

[overbearingstruggles]

via @alexgaskarth stories

[butyoudidthis4what]

No Man's Land Part 2

Jack Abbot x f!reader || Part 1

18.6k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: mentions of blood, mentions of bones breaking, mentions of guns/shootings/gunshot wounds, mentions and discussions of suicide/suicidal ideation, CPR, mentions/discussions of jack's injury and losing his foot, anxiety about partner's safety, angst, Jack's traumatized, everyone's traumatized honestly, probably incorrect description of medical events, potentially incorrect medical descriptions/knowledge, PIV sex, mentions of morphine and alcohol, age gap referenced in passing once kind of, reader loves Paris and the Louvre, reader's favorite flowers are daffodils, I had this idea and started drafting before we knew Jack was a widow so in this world he has never been married, no use of y/n or related.

Summary: The aftermath of you being shot and collapsing in the trauma room and a new reality.

AN: I'm a certified yapper like our man, so I apologize for how long this is.

You drop at just the right point in your swaying that you fall backwards, head first. You hit the floor back of your skull first with a sickening crack. 

Everyone in the room knows what that was the sound of - your skull cracking.

“Fuck me!” “Fucking shit!” “Holy fuck!” “Oh god!” “Was that her fucking skull?” Verbalized reactions fill the air from Robby, Dana, Heather, Mel and Santos, respectively. Jack is silent. He’s not even sure he’s breathing. He’s frozen as he looks at you, both struggling to process what has happened and already understanding what has happened at once, hearing dulled as he focuses on you. 

Things have now gone from really fucking bad to somehow a lot fucking worse in a matter of seconds.

A head injury was the last thing you needed. And it was preventable. He should have prevented it. He should have stayed with you, told Robby to handle the code on his own, kept holding you, actually looked you over before letting you go but he didn’t. 

“Somebody get a fucking gurney in here!” Dana yells out the door. 

“Collins, you handle this. Mohan, you’re with me!” Robby orders. Once your neck is secured in a c-collar and you’re on a gurney you’re rushed into trauma two, the team swarming you just like they do any other unfortunate soul who ends up here. 

Jack suddenly finds himself again, hearing no longer dampened and follows your gurney into trauma two. “Mannitol-”

“Get out Jack!” Robby shouts at him amid the chaos of getting you hooked up to monitors and IVs going. “You can’t be in here!”

“And yet here I fucking am.” Jack almost snarls back at him as he takes a place on the other side of you. 

“Dana.” Robby shoots her a look and she steps back and away from you, peeling her gloves off and tossing them to the floor. 

“Jack,” she says softly to him, rests a hand on his bicep and squeezes gently. “Let’s step out.”

He shrugs her hand off. “No. No fucking way. Somebody…” He trails off as he looks down at you, freezing again. More blood pours from your mouth, and now your nose. He looks down and sure enough, it’s dripping out of your ear too, not unsurprising given the head trauma, but still. The image is seared in his brain.  

“Fuck!” Robby yells. “She’s in DIC.” He takes a look at your vitals. To say they’re abysmal would be a gross understatement. “Okay, massive transfusion protocol now, people! I wanna do two to one to one with how much blood she’s lost. Set up for a central line.” 

“Push etomidate and roc!” Mohan yells into the chaos. “7.0 ET please.”

“Jack, you have to move, okay? They need access to her.” Dana grabs Jack’s arm again and is able to pull him to the side. “Once she’s intubated you can sit by her, okay?” 

He gives a single nod in response, sits automatically when Dana pushes the stool into the back of his knees. It doesn’t take the team long to get you intubated and Dana helps him move so that he sits at the top of your head. 

Everything and everyone else fades away as he looks down at your face, your beautiful blood smeared face. He leans in towards you a little. He has so much he wants to say and yet he can’t get a word out. 

“We’re taking her up to surgery, Jack.” Robby is suddenly leaning down next to him. “We have to stop the internal bleeding before we can image her head.” 

“She’s in DIC. She has a subdural from the fall, I’m sure. Fractured skull. We have to address it.” Jack almost mumbles it as he watches them put the bed rails up and start to move you. 

“I know,” Robby tells him gently, “but if the major source of bleeding isn’t stopped, you and I both know that the skull fracture and subdural aren’t going to matter.”

Jack just nods and stands, follows your gurney in silence up to the OR floor. He hates it but he has to take one last look at you before turning to go into a locker room to grab a fresh pair of scrubs. He changes fast, finds Garcia and Shamsi in the scrub room. 

“What are you doing Jack?” Garcia asks him, sharing a look with Shamsi. “You’re not coming in the OR.”

“Yes I am.” He ignores her, grabs a pack and starts to scrub. The door opens again and Jack doesn’t need to turn to know it’s Robby. 

“You guys go.” Robby nods at Garcia and Shamsi. “Jack, come on. Let’s go to the gallery or waiting room.”

“Fuck that!” Jack yells as they walk in. He’s still scrubbing furiously. “I’m not going to watch them hack her-”

“You and I both know they’re not going to ‘hack her’ and that there’s nobody else you’d rather have operating on her. You need to let them do their work.” Robby stops next to the sink Jack is scrubbing at. “That is the best thing you can do for her right now. Let them work.”

Jack keeps scrubbing for a minute, jaw clenched tight. But then he stops. He knows Robby is right. Knows that scrubbing in and being in the OR isn’t going to fix you. It isn’t going to let him make up for not noticing you were shot earlier, before you were already half dead on the floor with a broken fucking skull he could have prevented. 

The combination of emotions is crushing. He throws the soap at one of the doors in the scrub room and yells a “fuck!” There’s a moment of silence and then a whispered “fuck,” that his voice crack on half way through. 

“Come on.” Robby picks up the soap and throws it away, throws a towel at Jack for his hands. “Let’s get some air.” 

“I’m going to obs.” Jack tells him. Robby tries to speak. “No. If I don’t get to be in the OR with her I at least get to fucking watch over her from obs.”

“No, Jack! I’m not letting you fucking torture yourself by watching this. She wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want you seeing her like this-”

“You don’t fucking know her!” Jack seethes, getting up in Robby’s face, chests touching. “So stop fucking acting like you do.”

A tense silence passes, a staring match before Robby holds his hands up in defeat and looks away. “Alright. I’m sorry.” 

“I have to watch her die, Robby. I have to have been there for her. Been there with her. I am not letting her go alone.” Jack shakes his head, eyes red rimmed and glassy but more serious than Robby has ever seen him before. 

“I know.” Robby opens the door of the observation suite for him. “If something happens and they get close to calling it you can go be with your girl, okay?”

“No.” Jack huffs, treading water more and more to try and stay above the flood of emotions. “No it’s not fucking okay! None of this is fucking okay! She’s not okay! I’m not okay!” Jack takes in a shuddery breath and turns his back on Robby. “None of this is okay,” he whispers, voice thick with emotion and tears that can no longer be held back. 

Robby lets Jack have a minute to try and pull himself together. He knows that right now is not the time to have some sort of heart to heart with Jack. Instead he puts the intercom on so that they can hear what’s happening in the OR but the OR can’t hear them. 

It’s not good but it’s not bad, you’re not dead. There’s no conversation between the two men, just Jack up almost pressed into the glass to watch while Robby observes him more than the surgery.

“So,” Robby says casually after a couple of minutes. “Peter?”

Jack huffs, shaking his head and coming to sit next to Robby. “Don’t ask.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I really like this little routine, you know?” You smile at Jack as he peruses the shelves, coffee in one hand and your hand in the other. You’re back at the bookstore where you met, off in the back shelves where it’s quieter, fewer people. You’re alone in the aisle. 

“Coming here?”

“Mhmm.” You nod at him. “It was a really good idea.” 

Somewhere between dates number three and four Jack had suggested you guys go back to the bookstore once a week. Make it a thing. Get coffee, pick out books together. Just walk around. How could you ever say no?

“I have one every now and then.” He smiles at you. 

You point to a book, say the title. “That looks interesting.” 

Jack looks at the book. It’s on the bottom shelf. You didn’t ask for him to bend down and get it for you but he will anyway. And you knew when you said it that he would. He’s just a gentleman like that. And so he does. Sets his coffee on the shelf and bends down to get it for you. 

“Why is it that every book you want is always on the bottom shelf?” He feigns a huff.

“Because I like making you bend down so that I can check out your ass.”

He freezes for a second. It was so not the answer he was expecting. He’s not sure he was expecting an answer. But then you come out with that. Always keeping him on his toes. 

He grabs the book and stands back up, smirking as he hands it to you. His fingers find the belt loops of your jeans and pull you close to him, lips brushing against yours. “You like my ass?” 

You giggle against his lips and kiss him. “I do.” 

“You’re terrible, woman.” He gives you another kiss. 

“More like your terrible woman.” You can feel his jaw clench at that and he holds you a little tighter. Oh he liked that. A lot. It makes you smirk. 

“Damn right you are.” One last kiss and then you break apart.

“I think I’m falling in love with you, Peter.”

He cocks his head at the name. “Peter? Should I be concerned you can’t keep your men straight?” He doesn’t mean it, nor does any anxiety roll through him. He knows you, knows it was deliberate, and knows you’re about to give him some ridiculous explanation. 

“Rabbit,” you grin. “Peter Rabbit. Abbot. Jack Abbot always makes me want to call you Jack rabbit. Ergo, Peter.” You run the back of your second knuckle on your index finger over his shirt. “Inspired by the book.” You nod and look to the side. He follows your eyes to the display you look over at where, sure enough, a copy of Peter Rabbit sits.

He groans and makes a face. “Really?” He grimaces. But you both know it’s fake. His eyes are too sparkly and the ghost of a smile is too present on his face. It’s so ridiculous. If anyone else dared to call him that he would hate it and they would know it.  

“Really, Peter. Better get used to it.” You wink and start walking down another aisle. 

“I think I’ve already fallen in love with you, Doll.” Jack whispers to himself. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere on me.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake with a start, your body jerking for a second before pain rips through your stomach and head. It’s bright. So so bright. Your eyes instinctively close and you pull your head back, trying to get away from the tube that feels like it’s down your throat but it follows. You start panicking. 

It filters back in. What happened. Passing out in the trauma room. Jack’s face. The pain. The bullet hole you’d felt on your skin.

“Honey?” A voice you can’t place calls out your name. A woman’s voice. “It’s okay.” You know she’s trying to be reassuring but at the moment it’s not. There’s only one voice you want to hear and it’s not hers and you panic more when you don’t hear his because where is he? Did something happen to him? Maybe he’s here and you just can’t hear him. One way to find out. 

Your eyes blink back open to an unfamiliar face above you. After you adjust to the light you quickly look around as much as you can without moving too much. 

Jack isn’t here. 

The woman above you smiles down at you. “I’m Dana. Jack just stepped out to shower and I said I’d stay with you. He’s going to kill me for convincing him to go and you waking up while he wasn’t here. It was his nightmare. He’s on his way. Knowing him he’s liable to just have a towel wrapped around him and soap in his hair because god knows if he wasn’t finished showering he wasn’t going to finish when he heard you’re awake.” 

You blink a few times, start to calm. Dana. She has a calming presence. Jack told you about her. You trust her. “Good, that’s good. He’s going to be here any second. And I’m going to get your doctor and see what we can do about getting this tube out of your throat, yeah?” 

You can hear Jack before you see him. Hear him running down the hall towards you. He’s panting when he runs into your room, looks at you, your vitals, Dana and then back to you. “You’re awake.”

All you can really do is look at him with wide eyes. He’s over by you in a second, taking Dana’s place as she goes to find your doctor. One of his hands finds yours, squeezes reassuringly. “I’m here. God I’m so sorry I wasn’t when you woke up, I didn’t want to go but they convinced me and-��

You squeeze his hand and then let go, make a motion like writing. “You want to write? Hopefully you can be extubated soon, you might be breathing over the vent already, I can look.”

You squeeze his hand again and it focuses him back on you. “Shit. Yes, um…” He feels all the pockets on his scrub pants until he finds the little notebook and pen. He gives you the pen and holds the book for you. 

Scared.

A piece of his heart shatters when he reads the word. 

“I know Doll, I know. It’s okay.” He strokes your hair gently. “I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” Jack’s eyes bore into yours and in the moment you’re so grateful for his need for direct eye contact. It’s reassuring in a way you can’t describe. Even if he hadn’t said anything. If he had just looked at you like he is now it would have been enough to calm your fears. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay?”

“I heard she’s awake?” Your eyes leave Jack’s and look over at the man who entered, but Jack’s eyes never leave you. 

“Yeah, she is. This is Robby, sweetheart.” You blink slowly. 

It’s a lot. Everything is a lot and there’s a tube in your throat and more people walk in, Dana again and your doctor, a nurse. You’re overwhelmed. You just want it to be you and Jack and you want to be at home cuddled in bed together, both of you perfectly fine. You don’t want this. It makes you kind of dizzy. And your inability to express yourself makes it all that much more difficult.

You focus on Jack’s eyes, try to block everything else out. Focus on his touch. His hand holding yours, the other stroking your hair. There’s a faint buzz of the others talking together and you know it’s about you but you remain centered on Jack. “That’s right, Doll,” he murmurs, voice low, just between the two of you. “Just focus on me. I’m right here. You’re okay. We’re okay.” 

“She’s breathing over.” Robby says quietly. “We can pull it.”

Jack raises his eyebrows at you and nods his head a little. “That’s good. We’re going to get the tube out, okay? Then you’ll be able to talk.” 

Your eyes widen a bit and you move your hand towards the notebook again, point at the word. 

Scared. 

“I know. I know it’s all scary, and I know thinking about having the tube out is scary. But you’re safe, okay? If you need it back in then we will put it back in okay?” He squeezes your hand. You give the smallest nod. 

Jack explains what will happen to you and then they do it. It hurts and is uncomfortable and you panic for a minute after it’s out because you’re coughing and it feels like you can’t breathe. Jack puts an oxygen mask to your face. “Breathe, baby. Just breathe. You’re just coughing, it’s okay. It’ll be better in a minute. I promise.” 

And just like he promises it does get better. “How about we switch this,” he takes the oxygen mask from your face and hands it to Dana while taking the nasal cannula from her, “with this.” He gets the cannula adjusted under your nose and over your ears and then smiles at you. 

You still haven’t spoken. You can’t find words. You don’t know what to say. 

Robby hands Jack a cup of water with a straw silently before he, Dana, your doctor and the other nurse slip out. 

“Here, I’m sure your throat is dry.” Jack holds the straw for you. “Small sips.”

You take a few before pulling back a little. “Thank you.” You’re quite hoarse and make a face at the sound of your voice but Jack. Jack beams. It makes you smile, makes everything start to melt away. You’re here and awake and Jack is here and everything is okay. “I love you too.” 

You press your lips out a little and it hits him. He can kiss you now and he does, soft but lingering. He never wants to pull away. 

“How long was I out?’’

“Since surgery?” Jack glances down at his watch. “Sixteen hours and thirty seven minutes. Give or take ten seconds.”

You smile. It’s a little weak which shoots a bit of a pang through him, but it’s okay because you’re smiling at him. “Not that you were counting.”

He laughs and rolls his eyes at you, eyes watery. “I’m really fucking glad you’re okay.” 

You get a little teary. “I’m really glad you’re here. I was really fucking scared Jack.” You let out a breath and a few tears. 

“There is nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side.” He leans back in, kisses you again, kisses all the tears away. “There is nowhere else I will be, okay?” 

You nod a little. You want to ask him what happened, what your injuries are but you can’t bring yourself to. You don’t want to know. Not now. 

Jack doesn’t volunteer anything. He figures that you’ll ask when you’re ready. He knows what it’s like to have it shoved in your face when you’re scared and drugged out on morphine and other medications and overwhelmed and not in a mental place to process it. 

You can’t have been awake for more than thirty or forty minutes but you’re already so tired again. Jack can tell.

“Sleepy?” 

“A little.” You pause. Then, a whispered admission. “Kind of scared to go back to sleep.”

Jack’s heart squeezes. “That’s understandable,” he nods. He knows the answer is no but he asks anyway. “Can I do anything?”

“Hold me.” Your words are out before he finishes his questions. His eyebrows raise. He wasn’t expecting that. 

You can see him thinking. Thinking about how to say no. His face is pained and he tilts it. You know he’s afraid to hurt you. “Please.” He bites his bottom lip. “I need this Jack,” you whisper. “You need this.” 

“If I hurt you at all you have to tell me, okay? If anything feels like it’s tearing or pulling or ripping, you have to tell me immediately.” He gives you a serious look, fear blazing in his eyes.

“I promise.”

He nods. “Okay.” It takes a while for him to help shift you over a bit and move all the wires and lines but eventually he’s in bed with you, holding you. 

“Thanks Peter.” It’s completely sleep garbled but so precious and he has to laugh because even with all that’s happened you’re still calling him that name.  

“You’re welcome, Doll.”

Once he’s sure you’re asleep Jack sobs as quietly as he can as he holds you. Lets himself process the emotions that he has tried to keep himself walled off from since you went down in the trauma room. He doesn’t want you to see, doesn’t want you to have to deal with him right now when you need to focus on yourself and recovering. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty, because he knows you and he knows you already feel bad about all of this. Like it’s your fault. 

Jack doesn’t know it but you wake when you feel him start to tremble. You hear and feel every sob. A little piece of you dies inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack leans against one of the windows in his apartment, stares out into the dark city and alternates watching the rain fall under the light of the street lamps and tracking drops that slide down the window. The bedroom is dark, only illuminated by the light of the city that pours in. He’s half dressed, shirtless, a pair of flannel pajama pants. The window is cold against his arm but he likes it. It reminds him in the moment that he can still feel. 

You watch him from the bathroom doorway. You’ve been together seven and a bit months now.

You’re struck by how beautiful he looks in the backlighting. Struck by how sad and conflicted he looks. 

You walk over to him quietly, but making your footsteps just heavy enough so that you don’t startle him when you wrap your arms around him from behind, rest the side of your head on the smooth skin of his back. Always so warm, your Jack, even now in the chill of the rainy night. 

He leans back into you for just a second, just long enough to acknowledge that he knows you’re there, appreciates it. 

Neither of you say anything for a few minutes before his voice interrupts the patter of the raindrops hitting the window.

“I’m sorry.”

Your brows furrow. “For what?”

“Being like this,” he shrugs. “It’s been so long. It shouldn’t still affect me like this.”

“Well first, should is a stupid word. Nothing should or shouldn’t be. Things just are. And it’s okay for them to be as they are. It’s okay for this to be as it is.” You lift your head from his back and gently pull at his torso a bit to get him to turn and look at you. He tries to avoid that eye contact he normally needs but you don’t let him. “Second, you have nothing to apologize for. And third, I don’t know Jack, I’d almost be more concerned if the anniversary of the day you lost a piece of yourself, literally, and woke up alone and terrified in a hospital bed ever stopped affecting you.”

As difficult as it is to hear, he likes that you just say it, say what happened. You don’t shy away from it, don’t avoid talking about it or speak about it without actually saying it. You never have. You’ve always just accepted it as part of him. He takes in a deep breath and then grabs your hand, leads you over to bed with him and waits for you to get in. 

But you give him a look, a slight raise of your eyebrows and nod. He sits on the edge like you wordlessly asked. You kneel before him and it makes his heart pound, blood rush towards his groin even though he knows this isn’t going there. It’s just instinctual. 

Jack watches you with glassy eyes as you push his pant leg up and remove his prosthetic for him, set it aside. You don’t have to ask if it’s hurting, of course it is. It’s the anniversary of losing his foot. Even when there’s no real reason for it to be causing him pain it is anyway. You know it. He knows you know it. 

You open the drawer of his nightstand and pull out the balm he has, get a little bit and warm it between your hands before placing them there. You glance up at him. You always do. Always make sure it’s okay. You know how hard it can be for him to have you touching there sometimes if he’s too in his head. He just barely narrows his eyes before letting them go back to being wide and round as he watches. An unspoken please. 

You start massaging gently and he takes another big breath in and holds it for a moment before letting it out and leaning into your hands slightly. “Mirror?”

He knows you’re asking if the pain is bad enough for him to want to do mirror therapy. He shakes his head. “No. It’s not that bad.” He gives you a small smile, cups your face with a hand. “Especially not now. You make it better. You always make it better, make everything better.” 

A slow smile spreads over your face. You work on him a little more before his hands are on yours and pulling you towards him a little. He slides into bed and you follow. 

You lay on your sides looking at each other. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now, no.” He swallows hard, looks like he’s waiting for you to be upset. “Is that okay?”

“Course it is. I’m never going to force you to talk about it with me.” You already have talked about it. You know everything, every detail he can remember and was told about what happened. About his hospital stay at Landstuhl, transfer to Walter-Reed. How depressed he got, the survivor’s guilt, the wishing he had just died instead.

But he knows what you mean. You don’t have to talk about it now, about his feelings, what he’s carrying in his chest and mind at the moment. You lean in and kiss him. “We can whenever. If and when you’re ready. Or you can talk to your therapist. It doesn’t have to be me.”

The way he looks at you makes your stomach flip. Like you’re the most important thing in his world, like you hung the moon and stars for him, like he’s amazed by you. Like you’re helping to heal him.

He reaches out to cup your face again, runs a thumb over your cheek. “I want you.”

You smile at him, soft and small, befitting of the moment. “You have me. You’ll always have me. No matter what.”

He gives you a look that acknowledges your words. “You know what I mean.” His hand starts to wander down to the hem of his shirt you wear. “I need to turn that part of my brain off. Get lost in you.”

“God, what a tough ask,” you click your tongue, voice teasing and full of feigned exasperation. “Such a real hardship for me.”

He laughs a little. “I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Oh no Dr. Abbot,” you move closer to him and push at his chest so he rolls on his back, straddle his hips and bring your chest to his, lean in to kiss him but stop short, just let your lips move against his, “this is all about you.”

Jack groans from somewhere deep in his chest. “You know what doctor does to me,” he murmurs before he kisses you hard, possessively, holding the back of your head with one hand so you can’t move away, not that you’d ever want to. 

“Indeed I do, sir.” Another groan from him and a smirk from you as you sit up and push the covers back, pull his pajama pants and boxer briefs down all at once. 

Jack swears you spend hours lavishing him in attention, kissing every inch of him, every scar. Even that one. 

By the time you guide him inside of you you’re the only thing on his mind. You ride him slow, just fast enough to not be teasing, at the rhythm and pace you’ve learned he loves, let him watch as he slides in and out of you because you know how much he loves it. 

You lean back at one point, rest your hands on both his thighs and something about the move and the way you’re not afraid to get close to the missing part of him heals him and makes him lose it. 

After, you lay on his chest, absentmindedly draw random shapes on his skin while he runs a hand up and down your back. “This part always feels just as good but in a different way,” you murmur. 

“Cuddling releases oxytocin. Oxytocin makes you feel happy, helps you heal, reduces stress, bonds you to the one you’re snuggling with. It’s called the love hormone.” Jack always makes you laugh when he does that, explains something medically, biologically. You like him sharing his knowledge, little pieces of his job with you, and you like that he’s not condescending about it, just tells you it like you’re a student.

You laugh a little. “That tracks then.”

You sit in a comfortable silence for a bit. Jack thinks about everything you’ve done for him tonight, over the past seven months, how you feel laying here on his chest. A surge of oxytocin hits him and he’s overwhelmed by it, how much he loves you, how much you do for him, care for him.

“I don’t deserve you.” He says it quietly, almost like he doesn’t mean to speak the thought out loud.

You stop tracing shapes, furrow your brows and lift yourself up to look down at him sternly, eyes burning with love. “I’m not even gracing that absolute bullshit with a reply tonight Peter.” You kiss him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four days pass. Things are simultaneously getting better and increasingly harder. 

You meet everyone, the entire ED, you swear, everyone Jack has ever talked about. They’re all lovely and genuine. You hit it off with them all despite the circumstances. Part of you worries though, that they only like you because they pity you and because you’re in the hospital and what else can they do. Jack reassures you that you’re one of them now, you’re Pitt family, that even when they didn’t know you or about you and had never met you, you already were.

Jack helps you shower. Really Jack showers you. Does it all for you. It’s one of those most intimate things you’ve experienced with him. Him taking care of you like this, when you can’t take care of yourself. He takes his time washing your hair and body gently, like you’ll break if he touches you just a little too hard. He makes sure your stitches and central line stay dry. Makes sure you don’t lean your head back too far and aggravate your skull fracture. 

Physically you’re doing okay. Improving. Maybe not as fast as everyone, Jack especially, would like. But you’re not getting worse. 

Mentally, however, things are devolving. Rapidly. 

Once the initial shock and happiness at being alive wore off you’re left with reality. 

A nurse from the floor comes in to take vitals like they do a couple of times a day. Jack steps out to go grab a drink from the vending machine while you and the nurse chat a little. You ask her if you can move into the chair, go sit by the window. She says of course, unhooks you from some monitors and helps you move over. She takes your dinner and sets it on the table in front of you. You thank her and wait for Jack to come back.

Dusk is falling over the city. It’s easier to sit and look outside when it’s not so bright. You keep the lighting in your room low to help with the headaches you’re still fighting. You suppose a broken skull will do that to you.

You haven’t felt well all day, have slept more than usual. You’re sure it’s just depression from being here and all the changes and mostly, probably, seeing what all of this already has done and continues to do to Jack, physically and mentally. Your stomach turns at the thought and you shiver despite your cheeks burning. You’re so uncomfortable and there’s no end in sight and you don’t want to keep doing this to Jack, keep asking him to be here and sleep here. The logical and rational part of your brain knows that you’re not asking him to do anything. He’s doing it because he wants to, because he loves you. 

“You need to eat,” Jack reminds you as he walks back in the room. 

“I’m not hungry,” you murmur, continue to look out the window. 

“I know, Doll, but you’ve gotta eat to keep your strength up.” Jack says softly as he pulls up a chair to sit across from you. You nod a little at him but don’t move to start eating. “What’s wrong?” he finally whispers. 

It takes a moment but eventually you shrug. You don’t want to burden him with it. 

“Talk to me. Please. Even if just a little.” 

“I don’t know… I’m just tired, I think.” 

He tilts his head at you, eyes appraising and clinically evaluating you. Something is off, something has been off, he’s just struggling to figure out what. 

“Don’t look at me like that, please,” you whisper. 

He furrows his brows. “Like what?”

“Like I’m a patient who needs to be evaluated.” 

“I can’t help it. It helps reassure me that you’re okay.” He lets out a bit of a breath. “I’m worried about you right now. Is everything okay? Do you feel okay?”

You take in a big breath of air and fight back the wince before letting it out. “I’m just… I don’t know Jack. I’m sad. I’m fucking sad. All the time.”

Ah. Depression. 

He knows it intimately and chastises himself mentally a bit for not realizing it sooner, not recognizing it. Not anticipating it from minute one. He gives you a moment to see if you want to say more. 

“I… I feel sorry for myself, yes, but it’s more than that. I see what it’s doing to you, the pain it’s causing, I’m causing you. Physically, having to sleep here. I can practically see your back and hip hurting, Jack. I can see the overcompensation when you walk. I know you cried. I was awake. And I didn’t want to make it a thing and pressure you into talking to me. But I see how scared and on edge you are, all the time. Because of me-”

“No.” He doesn’t mean to interrupt but he has to right there. “Not because of you. This is not your fault. None of this is. This isn’t because of you, it’s because of what happened to you.”

You shake your head. “No, Jack, it’s me. It is me. I feel like I’m sucking the fucking life out of you. Dealing with me is exhausting. I can’t keep asking you to do this, be here and take care of me. It’s not fair.” You sniffle and wipe some tears you didn’t know fell with the back of your hand. “I mean, Jesus, Jack, I’m exhausted and all I have to do is sit in bed all day. I hate it.” The tears fall a little faster and he gives you space to let it all out. Your emotional brain takes his silence as some sort of tacit and silent agreement. That you are hurting him, that it is exhausting him, that you are sucking the life out of him. 

The rational part of your brain is right there but you’re too exhausted to listen to it, to fight your emotional brain on it. So it all consumes you. 

“I sit here and sometimes I just wish it would stop, wish it would be over, for both of us. Wish I had never even made it out of the OR, fuck out of the courthouse. You could be properly grieving already and working towards mo-”

“What the fuck?” It falls out of his mouth before he can even stop it. “Are you for fucking real?” He knows this reaction is wrong, that he should be validating your feelings. He knows far too well what it’s like to be depressed in a hospital bed wishing that you had died instead. But it’s too much for him because he already lived so intimately with the possibility of that reality. Of you dying. And so to have it brought up and brought up by you. All rational thought and ability to control himself disappears. “Properly grieving? You think I’d be properly grieving? Jesus fucking Christ, Robby would have had to beat me to the fucking roof or they’d be burying us together!”

You shake your head, tears falling harder. “I don’t want that, I would never want you to do that. I’d want you to take care of yourself! I’d want you to live for me. For us. Find-”

“No.” He shakes his head, runs both of his hands over his face, heel of his palms pressing into his eyes for a moment. “No. I can’t fucking-” He has to swallow hard through the intense nausea that threatens to make him dry heave. Just thinking about this, let alone living it. He knows this is not his finest moment, not a good reaction, that it’s a really really fucking bad one, but he can’t think about it right now, about an alternate reality where you died, where he was anywhere other than right next to your side in this moment. It’s too much. And so he reverts back a bit, starts to completely emotionally shut down. You’ve never seen him like this before. “I can’t fucking talk about this right now.” 

A knock on the door interrupts you and you both look up and over at a smiling Robby. “Hey! Look who’s awake! How are you feeling sleepy? You’ve been asleep every time I’ve come to visit today.” He starts making his way closer. 

“We can talk about this more later,” Jack mutters at you under his breath. His tone is a little sharper and more brusque than he means or even realizes. 

But with your emotions where they are already it feels a little like he’s pulled a piece of your heart away. You wonder if this is it. If he’s finally had enough of all of this. Of you. 

He didn’t sign up for this. There haven’t been any vows of sickness and health. 

The adrenaline runs icy through your fingers and toes and sits like a rock in the back of your throat, hugging tightly around your stomach so much that your incision burns and itches. It gets hard to breathe. It’s panic, you tell yourself. You nod silently, fidget with your fingers and whisper the smallest “okay.”

You’re thankful for the low lighting and the cover it gives you and your tears. “Sorry about that,” you force a small laugh at Robby. “Just one of those days I guess.” You force a yawn this time. “Honestly I’m actually a little sleepy again,” you admit sheepishly. “I think I might get back in bed.” 

There’s a pause as Robby waits for Jack to react. But Jack says nothing, and the look on his face tells Robby he’s a million miles away. You getting up is what brings Jack back to himself somewhat and he’s up and hovering behind you to make sure you don’t fall in an instant. 

“Um, well.” Robby runs a hand through his hair and over his beard. “Jack, if you wanted we’re pretty backlogged down there, we could use someone for even just a few hours to help out. I just wanted to offer. We’ll be fine if you don’t.” Robby’s eyes flick between the two of you. “Thought it might be a good way to help transition back to full shifts eventually.” He coughs awkwardly. 

Jack looks at you with his eyebrows slightly raised, like he’ll do whatever you say as opposed to what he actually wants. Despite looking at you it’s like he doesn’t consciously take in your face at the moment, how hurt you look, how small, the tears lining your eyes, how scared you look, how anxious, how questioning. 

“Up to you.” You give him a strained smile. “I’m just going to sleep, so it’s not like you’re going to miss much here. Robby is right, might be a good way to help transition.”

Jack nods. “Okay. Okay, yeah.”

“Fuck, thank you so much,” Robby sighs in relief. “It’s pretty bad honestly.” He looks at you with a soft smile. “Sleep well and I’ll keep an eye on him for you.” 

You give him a forced smile back and nod, waiting for Jack to come say goodbye before following Robby out the door. But Jack is so shut down and on autopilot he doesn’t even give you a kiss or say anything other than an absent, “sleep well,” before he follows Robby out of the room. The sound of the door closing behind him may as well be the sound of your heart shattering.

Hours pass. 

Hours you do not in fact spend sleeping but instead wide awake feeling like you’ve got the flu. Everything hurts, you shake, you’re sweaty because you’re so hot but you feel so cold. You just feel so weak. You’re so miserable you’re not even aware of the way breathing takes more effort and seems less effective, how much it hurts. Hours enough for you to miss Jack and wish he was here and want to call down and beg him to please come back up. But not quite enough hours for the next vitals check.

The hours are quick for Jack. Work helps him. It keeps his mind busy. The more and more he comes back to himself fully and opens back up with clear eyes the more desperate he is to get up to you and apologize. He feels awful about actually deciding to come down here. How could he leave you? He knows he didn’t react well. It just caught him so off guard and he reverted back to a previous version of himself. All he can do is hope you’ll forgive him, but he knows you well enough to know that you’ll understand and be able to put yourself in his shoes and forgive him and you guys can talk. 

He volunteers to take one last ambulance coming in. He goes outside to wait for it, to get some fresh air. To be out of the hospital if only for a moment.

Mel runs through the automatic door, head on a swivel to find him. She starts running to him when she sees him. “Dr. Abbot!” 

Jack turns his head, thinks Mel’s voice is off, but he guesses it’s been a bit since he’s heard it down here. But when he sees her face, the way she’s running towards him, his heart speeds up and he shakes his head a little as she approaches him. Mel’s eyes are wide, just the slightest bit wet.  

“Dr. Abbot,” Mel breathes. “She’s crashing. Robby went up to see her and she crashed.”

“What?” It’s whispered. Jack’s whole world stops again. He doesn’t even wait for an answer, is sprinting inside and screaming to hold the elevator because he knows it’ll be faster than he can take all the flights up to your room. He tries to hold onto hope. Mel had said crashing not coding.

This would fucking happen. This would fucking happen. He leaves you and then you crash. The realizations hit him when he gets in the elevator and presses the door closed button over and over. That the last thing you said to him was that small, barely audible “okay.” That your last interaction was an almost fight in a way, was him upset when you were telling him what was on your mind when that’s what he has been begging you to do. That he walked out of your room without saying goodbye, without giving you a kiss, without telling you he loved you.

Sleep well.

That could be the last fucking thing he ever said to you. Sleep well. He pictures your face when he looked at you that last time, near tears, scared, small, anxious, questioning. Probably questioning whether he was going to come back or whether he loved you or whether he still wanted to be with you after so clearly hitting a nerve with him. Especially on top of all the guilt you were already feeling before that conversation. The guilt you were telling him about when he shut down. 

The world already gave him a second chance with you and he fucked it all up in a minute. Somewhere deep in his bones he knows “sleep well” will be the last thing he ever said to you, that your last interaction together will be a quasi-argument. Because if you’re crashing at this point, this far out from surgery, something bad is happening. Differential diagnoses flip through his mind. Pulmonary embolism, having somehow reopened one of your internal wounds and bleeding out, sepsis, delayed collapsed lung, drug reaction, the list goes on and on. None of them are good. All of them would require you to fight hard to pull through. 

And with fucking “sleep well” as the last thing he said to you after he practically jumped in your shit you probably think you have nothing left to fight for. 

You’re vaguely aware of Robby coming into your room and talking to you even though you can’t make out any words at first. But then you become acutely aware of him screaming about you crashing and somebody call Jack. 

Jack. 

Robby says something about intubation but you get a hand up, cling to the fabric on the arm of that blue sweatshirt he always wears. “Wait,” you choke out, wondering when it got so hard to breathe and how you’re just noticing. “Jack,” you force out in a wheeze, “want to talk,” you look up at Robby with terrified eyes he’s seen hundreds of times in patients who think they’re about to die, only yours have a slight look of determination. “Please.” 

He hesitates for just a second. “Okay,” he nods, looking down at you. “Okay. But only if he’s here within the next two minutes. I’m counting.” He grabs an oxygen mask and holds it over your mouth and nose. Your eyes say ‘thank you’ in the most heartbreaking of ways. You both know he’ll be there with one minute and fifty six or seven seconds to spare. 

The elevator door opens on your floor and Jack’s sprinting out of it to your room, praying that maybe you’ll still be alive when he gets there. He could talk to you, tell you he’s sorry and he loves you and please fight. He’s panting when he runs into your room, looks at you, your vitals, and then Robby. “Why the fuck isn’t she intubated yet?!”

“She wanted to be able to say something to you,” Robby tells him as he pushes drugs, barks out orders and gets ready to intubate you. “She’s totally fucking septic Jack, out of fucking nowhere,” he calls back over his shoulder. “She must have thrown a septic PE.” Robby pulls the oxygen mask away from your face.

Jack looks back at you as he moves closer. You lick your lips and rub them together a little, trying to get them wet and unstuck from each other. You look terrified but try to offer him a brave smile anyway. “I love you,” you manage to mouth before everything is consumed by black and quiet.

Where everything goes black and quiet for you, Jack’s senses are overwhelmed by the look on your face, the way your eyes shut, the way Robby’s hands so gently turn your head back so he can intubate you and seconds later by the high pitched whine coming from your patient monitor announcing you’ve flatlined and Robby yelling for someone to start compressions. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He’s not exactly looking for it when he spots it as he walks down a street to pick up the take out you ordered on his way home. But it’s there and it makes him think of you. It’s almost perfect. Almost. 

He slips inside, gets in a conversation with the store owner. They can customize it for him. He thinks you’ll love that, the idea that nobody has the same engagement ring as you. The owner says he’ll get him some sketches. Jack puts down a deposit. You text asking if he’s okay. 

He says a quick goodbye to the owner and that he’ll be back and runs to get the food and back to you. He’s known for a while now that he wants to ask, wants to marry you. You just get him in a way he can’t describe and knows he’ll never find again. 

That night in bed he lays awake spooning you and thinking about how to propose. You wouldn’t want something too big and flashy. But he doesn’t think you’d hate it being in public necessarily. God, what if you say no? What if you’re not ready or it’s too fast or he’s too old, too broken? 

No. He knows you don’t think he’s too old or broken at all. He knows you’ll say yes, knows you’ll cry. But how to do it. Where to do it. 

The bookstore with the ring in the book feels like too much, a little too on the nose. You wouldn’t hate it by any means but it doesn’t feel right. 

He thinks about a conversation you had in the travel section at the bookstore. 

“I love travelling.” You say it as you look over the shelves. “Especially internationally.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmmm,” you hum. “We should go somewhere.” You hand him a book on Paris. “I love Paris. Have you been?”

Jack shakes his head, starts thumbing through the book. “Can’t say that I have.”

“I would love to show you around. It’s just so pretty. The Eiffel Tower sparkles and they light up all the buildings at night and I swear almost every building looks so beautifully historic. And the Louvre. I love the Louvre. I don’t even really know why, I just do. I like the inverted pyramids by the entrance and I like how you just get lost in there.” You’re flipping through your own book, this one about France in general. “We could do a France tour. Start in Nice or somewhere and work our way up.” You look up at him, and when he looks up from his book at you he’s surprised to see nerves. “If you would want to, of course. Obviously. There’s no pressure. I know you’d have to take time off from work and you love work and it would waste a lot of time off, probably depending on how long we went for. If we did. So it’s okay. I could go by myself or with a friend if I got desperate enough.” You give a breathy, anxious laugh and fiddle with the book. 

Jack gives you a little smile and puts the book back where it belongs. “It might shock you to hear this but I have maxed out the amount of annual leave time off I can accrue. I donate everything I have leftover at the end of the year. I’ve donated all of it for a couple of years now because I can’t accrue it anymore.”

“Oh, well,” you clear your throat and it would almost be funny and adorable if he didn’t hate seeing you in distress. “That’s very nice of you. You’re a very good man Peter.”

“I want to go with you.” Your lips twitch up and eyebrows raise. “I want us to do that.”

“Yeah?” You beam at him and it’s straight sunshine. You’re too good for him, he swears. 

“Yeah,” he nods, returns your smile, kisses you quickly. “Robby might try to kiss you like that for getting me to go. He’s always on me about taking a vacation.” 

Yes. In Paris. That would be perfect. You haven’t started planning the trip because life has gotten busy for both of you, but he mentions it enough to make sure you know he hasn’t forgotten, you talk about when you’ll start planning it some nights but often fall asleep mid conversation, exhausted from your day. 

In front of the inverted pyramids at the Louvre. He can hire a photographer and they won’t even look suspicious. Just like someone taking photos of the Louvre. 

He starts planning it, the France trip. Doesn’t tell you. Reaches out to your boss who he has met to make sure you can get the time off. He’ll surprise you with it soon, he tells himself. He’ll tell you soon now that he has the ring hidden away in a box in a closet that you can’t reach easily. 

Soon. He knows he can’t keep putting it off, can just hear Dana and Robby in his ear if they knew, telling him to grow a pair and do it, that tomorrow isn’t promised, that he should do it here at the hospital so they can finally fucking meet you. That, while they don’t know you, Dana would give him a sharp look then, they know you’ll love it. 

You’ll be at the courthouse tomorrow. It’s not too far from his place. He could surprise you and pick you up, take you out somewhere nice. He has the day off too so he could go get the book you handed him, put the tickets and copy of the itinerary he’s planned so far in it. 

He smiles to himself as he imagines the shock on your face, the way you’ll struggle for words and repeat a bunch of one syllable ones for thirty seconds before the ability to form real sentences comes back to you. Yeah, that’ll work. 

Tomorrow. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s a perfect day. Not too hot and not too cold. Like that Miss Congeniality bullshit that you made him watch and he secretly and surprisingly enjoyed.

It’s your perfect day. 

Jack thinks that’s real fucking ironic. 

Sleep well. 

Jack was right.

Those were in fact the last words he ever spoke to you. 

While you were conscious anyway. It’s all he can think about as he sits here in his dress blues at your fucking funeral. He couldn’t bring himself to buy a plain navy suit for the occasion. 

No, that day he had said a lot more words to your unconscious self up by your head as Robby and the team tried and succeeded at stabilizing you enough to get you to the OR. And he had said a lot more words when they let him in the OR so that he could hold your hand and talk to you for just a bit longer before they called it. Somehow in the moment he had managed to block out Garcia standing on the other side across from him with her hand in your chest, manually beating your heart to give him more time with you. 

And then he had said a lot more words to your dead body.

He must have sat in that stupid operating room with you for hours just holding you once they had closed your chest and sat the OR bed up a bit for him. He thinks he must have cycled through every stage of grief with you in his arms. 

Denial. All he could do for a while was mumble to himself that this couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real. You weren’t really dead. This is some twisted fucking joke you’re trying to play. To see if you could get him to cry. You can stop playing now, Doll, you got me to cry. Okay so not an elaborate joke. Well, you’d wake up in his arms any second now, shock everyone, the whole medical community with your recovery. Because this simply could not be fucking happening.  

Anger. He yelled at you to wake up and not do this to him, to think about how unfair and selfish you were being, how fucking dare you. How dare you leave him here alone. How dare you for talking about him properly grieving. Does it look like he’s properly fucking grieving to you? And he knew, he fucking knew you were about to say moving on, that he could be working towards moving on as if he’s ever going to fucking move on, fuck you for that. He was supposed to propose and you ruined it. You left him How. Fucking. Dare. You.

Bargaining. He negotiated with himself. He should have looked you over before stepping away from you, should have taken you right into an exam room and checked every inch of you for injury before leaving you. If he could go back he would. He would do it all differently. He wouldn’t let you out of the house, would have insisted you skip work that day. He’s not a particularly religious man but he’s praying, bargaining with a God he’s not sure he believes in to bring you back to him. Take his other foot, take his hands, take his ability to be a doctor, take anything and everything that’s enough to bring you back. 

Depression. Crushing and all consuming. The reality that this was happening. A sadness so deep in his soul and causing so much physical pain in his heart that for one glimmer of a second he thought maybe he was suffering from broken heart syndrome, that maybe if he could keep himself worked up and sobbing it would kill him. A sadness so consuming he’d never pull himself out of it. There would never be enough tears shed or enough therapy or enough anything to make any of it better. 

Acceptance. Eventually it washed over him. You were dead in his arms. He was holding your lifeless body. This was his new reality. One without you in it.

But mostly he just sat there and cried over you. Cried for you. Buried his face in your neck at times to muffle the screaming sobs that made him shake. Rocked you and held the side of your face against his when his sobs became so deep they were soundless.

For a while he thought Robby and Dana were going to have to drag him out of there, drag you out of his arms. But at some point he just broke in a different way. Became some sort of numb. Resigned. So he forced himself to leave.

The only thing he could think to do at the end as he laid you back down was to try and make them better. Those two words. 

Brushing some hair back from your face and running his thumb over your jaw he had told you that he loves you and that he always will. He whispered for you to rest now, gave you one last unreciprocated kiss, and then murmured “sleep well.”

He had to damn near drag himself out of the OR after that. Robby knew it. Dana knew it. They were both right there waiting for him. He had needed to get the fuck out of the hospital and to somewhere he could just send himself into oblivion because he had no fucking idea how to deal with the pain, with the loss of you. 

Dana’s hand on his arm grounded him a little. Enough that he heard Robby say quietly, “let’s get you home.” 

Home. 

Jack had realized in that moment that he didn’t have a home. You were his home. Your heartbeat. The one that was now gone. That simply no longer existed. That had been thrown away by the universe like it meant nothing when it meant everything to him. 

Yes, he realized he had an apartment, he had somewhere to go. But that was the apartment that he was supposed to have shared with you. The apartment with all of his things, all of your things, still in boxes. You had been planning on spending the weekend unpacking and painting and getting furniture where you wanted it. You had been planning on making it your home. Together. And then you got shot.

And now, Jack had realized, there was no more together. There was simply an apartment full of boxes of shit and furniture haphazardly placed just to get it in. 

He had had to laugh about it, it was so fucked up. He had barely even realized that he, Dana, and Robby had made it outside somehow, through a side door so that he didn’t have to walk through the entire Pitt. And so out there on the sidewalk in the sun - because of course it couldn’t have been night, he couldn’t have had one thing to give him comfort - he’d broken down in a fit of laughter for a moment that quickly devolved into sobs. 

Big wracking ones that required Robby to hold him up until he had let Jack slide down the side wall onto the ground where the sobs came so hard they were silent. It hadn’t been just you he was weeping for at that point. It had been for you and for himself and for the future you should have had together. For the apartment whose lease would be broken and the trip to Paris he had planned to surprise you with that would never be gone on. For the engagement ring that would never grace your finger. For everything that could have been. For everything that already was.

He’d stopped crying at some point. Dana had gotten her car and driven him and Robby to Robby’s place. Everything since then had more or less blurred together. 

Schedules had been changed so that Dana and Robby worked opposite shifts so that one of them could always be with him. Always watching him. Acutely aware what was likely to happen if they didn’t.

You had no family so everything had been left to Jack, which meant it really had been left to Dana because Jack was barely functioning. Funeral planning. Burial or cremation. Dealing with all of your things.

Unsure of your preferences Dana had picked burial, found a cemetery, bought a plot, gotten it all arranged. Unbeknownst to Dana the one thing Jack had managed to do during all of this was purchase the burial plot next to yours. Only time would tell how long that space next to you would remain empty. Not long if Jack had it his way.

And so here they all were. At the cemetery. On your perfect day.

The funeral was to be held graveside and then back to somewhere for the celebration of life, Dana told him where at one point but he doesn’t remember. Somewhere in his mind he notes that it feels like the entire damn department is here and he can’t help but wonder who the fuck is staffing it right now. As if it matters. As if he’ll ever bring himself back to that hospital. 

Jack’s completely zoned out, unaware of what’s being said, if anything is being said. Your casket is right there. With you in it. He wants to climb inside with you and let them bury you both with him alive. He wants to let your grave smother him to death. He realizes it already is in its own way. So then he might as well be with you, right? No. You’d specifically told him you wouldn’t want that. You said you’d want him to take care of himself and live for you, for the two of you.  But he doesn’t fucking want to. He just wants to be with you.

He tracks your casket as it lowers six feet down. He wants to dive in after you. After a moment Dana nudges him. Right. It’s time. Time for him to throw a flower and some dirt on the top of your grave. 

He forces himself to stand, takes the two daffodils from Dana and approaches your grave. One for him and one for you. They’re your favorite. He stops for a second and just stares down at the wooden box that houses you. Some sort of broken and raw moan slips out before he can stop it, a whimper just a second long, just enough to prove to himself that he’s alive and you’re not standing next to him and there to comfort him and make it all better. He can’t cry. Not here. Not now. Not in front of all of these people. 

He brings a shaky hand up and reaches under his overly pressed shirt until he finds the chain, pulls his dog tags up and over his head, wraps them around the stems of the two daffodils. His chin trembles as he tosses them on top of your casket before following with a little dirt. He thought about tossing the ring he bought you in too, but instead he wears it on a different chain around his neck for now. 

The symbolic burial of himself with you through his dog tags doesn’t escape anyone’s notice and if anyone present wasn’t crying already they were now. Robby and Dana share a heavy tear blurred look with each other. He still can’t be alone. 

Jack just stares down. Can’t bring himself to move. To go sit back down. So the funeral ends with him standing there, looking down at you. 

Robby and Dana give him a few minutes. As he senses people leave he lets the tears slide down his face silently but copiously. His shirt is darkened by his tears quickly. Eventually Robby clears his throat and steps up behind him. 

“Jack?” Robby says his name softly at first. Jack doesn’t respond. “Jack, come on.” It’s a bit louder this time, but still nothing. Robby grabs his shoulder and gives it a little squeeze, is much louder now. “Jack!” 

“What? What happened?” Jack’s head snaps up, the rest of his body following and pushing him out of the chair in seconds. His neck twinges from the awkward angle as his two fingers curl over your wrist automatically, finding your pulse as his vision clears and the patient monitor showing your vitals becomes readable.

All your vitals are normal. Stable.

Your eyes remain closed. Comatose. 

“Nothing,” Robby says quietly, squeezing his shoulder again. “You fell asleep. It didn’t look comfortable. You’re going to fuck your neck if you’re not careful.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Jack pants, the sheer amount of adrenaline spreading through his system so fast making him shake. He closes his eyes as he tries to bring his heart rate and breathing back to normal. He takes a second to focus and it’s there, under his two fingers thumping along in time with the reading on the patient monitor. Your heartbeat. 

“Fuck.” Jack brings his free hand up and uses it to wipe away the tears itching his face. His chest is wet, shirt undoubtedly darkened by his tears. 

“Another one?” Robby gives him a knowing look. “Funeral again?” 

Jack just nods. It’s not the first nightmare Robby has woken him from in the last three days. It’s not the first time Robby has woken him up from that nightmare. 

“You talked to your therapist recently?” Robby asks as he sits in the other chair near your bed. 

“I don’t have fucking time for the psych-bullshit right now, Robby.” Jack huffs as he sits back in his chair, stretching out his neck. “And I don’t need therapy. I need her to wake the fuck up and come back to me.” He leans forward to kiss your hand, gives it a squeeze and holds his breath that you’ll squeeze back. You don’t. “It’s been five days Robby. Five fucking days.”

Robby nods slowly. “I know. Her body has been through a lot. Sepsis on top of a gunshot and skull fracture is a lot and brain bleed is a lot. And she had a PE, and they had to crack her chest, Jack.” You got lucky and didn’t need surgery to fix the brain bleed. And nobody had wanted to do a thoracotomy on you, not while you were septic, but with your other injuries they had to be careful with blood thinners and the thoracotomy quickly became the only real option. The last ditch option. “All of that is a lot. She needs time. And it’s not bad news. She’s been extubated. That’s a big thing, you know that.” 

“I know,” Jack sighs. It’s small and as exhausted as he sounds and makes him deflate into the chair. “I just… can’t Robby. I can’t keep having that nightmare. I need to hear her voice. I need to know she heard something from me other than fucking ‘sleep well.’ I need this to have never fucking happened!”

Robby doesn’t reply immediately, gives Jack a few minutes to come back down. “She knows you love her, Jack. She knows that you guys would have worked through whatever it was. Deep down she knows that, even if in the moment she was having anxiety.” 

“You don’t even fucking know her. You can’t say that.” Jack shakes his head at Robby “You have no fucking idea.” 

Robby just raises his eyebrows and gives him a resigned look, lets the silence take back over. 

“I need to get back down there, but Dana is going to come up in a bit,” Robby tells him as he stands up. 

“I don’t need babysat.” Jack huffs. 

Robby walks by and squeezes Jack’s shoulder again. “There’s a difference between being babysat and your friends wanting to sit with you to be with you through a difficult time, Jack. We just want to help and right now all we can really do is be here. It’s not babysitting. It’s being a friend. It’s loving a friend. Let us do it, okay?” He doesn’t wait for an answer before walking out. 

And so here you are again. Just the two of you. Only one of you conscious. Jack runs a hand through his hair, moves his chair back closer to your bed and holds your hand. He’s exhausted but terrified to sleep. It always ends the same. 

He’s hardly aware of time passing but knows it must because Dana walks in, hands him a cup of tea. “How’re you?” Jack shrugs. Dana lets him. “Drink the tea.”

He takes a sip, if for nothing more than to get her off his back about it. They sit mostly in silence. Sometimes Dana volunteers a funny story or tells him about some ridiculous patient they had, keeps him up to date on the Pitt gossip. 

“You should shower,” she suggests to him. She’d gone over to your guy’s place at some point and brought in toiletries, fresh clothes for you both. “I’ll sit with her.”

“I’m fine. It’s not like I do anything other than sit here.” 

“Still, it’s a good place to take a minute to yourself. Clear your head.” Dana tilts her head at him. “Look at me.” 

After a second he does, tears his eyes from you to look at her. “She’d want you to take care of yourself.” 

Her words are a little too close to what you had said to him and he bristles, looks back at you. “Nerve there,” Dana observes, always perceptive. “I know I’m right. I know she must have told you that at some point or it wouldn’t have pulled whatever that reaction was.” 

“I’m not leaving her. I don’t care if I can use the shower in her room.” All he can think about is showering you there, watching the pink water go down the drain as he got all of the blood out of your hair and off the rest of your body, the way you melted into his touch and thanked him. How intimate it was. Potentially one of your last moments of intimacy. 

“And the last time I gave into you and showered she fucking woke up without me.” The words hit him and he looks at Dana. “The last time I showered she woke up,” he whispers. He’s not really one to normally believe in such a thing but right now he’s clinging to anything. “I should shower.”

Dana gives him a long nod with a small smile. “Yeah.”

So he does. Tries to split the difference between quickly so that he doesn’t have to spend too much time alone thinking but slow enough to give you time to wake up. But when he turns the water off and doesn’t hear Dana talking he already knows. 

You haven’t woken up. 

“I’m sorry, hon. I was hoping it would work.” Dana looks at him apologetically. 

He shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

Dana nods a bit and walks out. 

Jack finds it hard to talk to you like this. He doesn’t really know why. Maybe it’s just too hard for him to stand the silence he gets in return. 

Sometimes he’ll read to you. That feels nice. You go on and on sometimes about how much you love his voice. You guys met at a bookstore, both love reading. So it just feels right. And he doesn’t have to stop talking and forget and be waiting for a reply that you won’t give him. He can just read. 

He picks up whatever he had been reading to you and starts back up. He doesn’t make it through much though because he just can’t. The sun is setting outside again, another whole day of you in a coma almost finished and he can’t stand it. 

It burns him from the inside, makes him feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin. He needs you to wake up. He needs to fix you. He’s a doctor. Fixing is what he does. He’s fixed countless people. 

But he simply cannot fix you. The only one that matters.

“You know,” he starts, leans back in his chair and looks at you. He scoffs. “God I don’t even know. I don’t know how to do this. What to say to you.” He shakes his head. “And I hate that,” he whispers. 

He sets the book down and the author’s name catches his eye. He moves in closer to you, gets up and sits on the edge of your bed, leans his head in a bit towards you as he holds one of your hands. He needs you to hear this. “I’ve decided that if you don’t wake the fuck up soon I’m going to have no choice but to have someone bring me that book and start reading it to you.” He squeezes your hand and shrugs. “So there. That’s my motivating wake up talk.” Tears hit his eyes and his lips wobble a little. “Wake the fuck up or I’m reading you the god damn book.” 

Jack watches you for a moment and sighs. He leans in and gives your cheek the lightest kiss. He can’t bring himself to kiss your lips again and not feel yours move back against his. He settles back in his chair and picks up the book he was reading. Instead of opening though he just vaguely hits himself straight in the face with it a few times. He doesn’t even know why. He just has the impulse. It’s not hard, it doesn’t do anything. It’s just tapping, just something to ground him maybe. He rests it on his face, closes his eyes and leans his forehead into the cover just to feel the resistance when he pushes the back against him a bit. Maybe he tries to pretend it’s your forehead and the way you lean into each other with your foreheads together sometimes. 

“Should I be jealous of the book Peter?” Your voice is barely audible with how cracked and dry your throat is. 

It takes a second for the book to drop out of Jack’s hands and hit the floor. “Holy fucking shit,” he breathes. “You’re awake.” 

He’s frozen for a minute, shaking hard as adrenaline pours into his system and he feels every emotion he can think of at once. 

“Fuck me,” he huffs. “Really? All I had to do was threaten to read that stupid book to get you to wake up?”

You give him a pained smile and small laugh. It sends him into action. 

“What can I say? I really hate that book. Couldn’t have you torture both of us. I think I’m doing that enough to the both of us right now.” You lick your lips and try to swallow. “Water?” You whisper at him. 

He brings you a cup quickly, holds the straw for you. “Sips,” he says softly. “Little sips right now, okay?” You do as he says, eventually nodding for him to take it away. “Pain? Are you in pain?” He looks on your bed and finds the remote. “Here.” He puts it in your hand, your thumb on top of the red button. “If you need a booster of morphine press the button.” 

You’re immediately pressing it over and over. “What happened?” You groan slightly. “My chest, Jack. It’s so bad. It hurts to breathe, like a weight’s on it.” Your words are a little slurred as the boost of morphine hits. It takes him back to the way you slurred in the trauma room and he has to fight not to go right back there in his mind. You need him. 

“I know.” He strokes your hair. “I know, I’m so sorry.” He looks over at one of your IV pumps. “I can ask them about upping your dose now that you’re awake, okay?”

You nod, blink at him. Your hand drops the button and finds one of his and gives it a little squeeze. “What happened?”

He searches your eyes with his, lets them flit about your face. His lip trembles. It breaks your heart. Whatever it was destroyed him. 

He sits back in his chair, moves it as close to you as he can get it. You reach up to cup his face with your hand and he leans into it immediately, puts both of his hands over yours. “You went septic. Threw a clot. It was bad. It was really bad. You coded. They had to crack your chest to get you back. So that’s why your chest hurts so bad. You’ve been in a coma for five days. I’m so sorry,” he whispers, “I’m so sorry I didn’t-”

“Hey, hey,” you whisper back to him. “Don’t do that. Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything, didn’t cause this.” 

“No,” he sniffles, “I know, but I just… I…” Tears start to stream down his face as he looks at you helplessly and shrugs. “I couldn’t…”

“Jack.” The way you say his name shatters him and he folds, buries his head in your lap, wary of hurting you, and sobs as he keeps squeezing your hand. “It’s okay,” you whisper, run your free hand through his hair. You both know its a lie. Nothing is okay right now. 

But you’re awake. 

He doesn’t cry for long, too conscious of how exhausted you must be, how he doesn’t want this to be how he spends the time he just got back with you. Not right now anyway. There will be time for tears and emotions and processing later. 

He rubs his face in your lap a bit to wipe his eyes and then lifts his head before resting it on its side against your legs. “I’m just so happy you’re awake.” 

“Me too.” You give him a sleepy smile. “Was always going to wake up, couldn’t leave you here alone could I?”

He gives a little half laugh, half sob. “Good. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You want to tell him he’d figure it out but you don’t. 

“You gonna give me a kiss now Jack Abbot? I know I haven’t brushed-”

He’s moving the second you say kiss. He feels bad it didn’t occur to him immediately but he was just so overwhelmed with you being awake. His lips against yours cut you off. It’s not just one kiss, it’s two and three and you lose count. 

Soft ones, small, just long enough. They say more than he could figure out how to say with his words right now. Each one is perfect in its simplicity.

“You should rest,” he murmurs against your lips. You hum at him in response, eyes already fluttering closed. “You know I love you right? More than anything. More than I deserve.” 

You open your eyes back up and look at him. “Course I know that,” you murmur. “You know I love you right?”

He smiles at you. It’s a little watery, a little trembly. “Course I know that.” 

You swallow hard, just from all the meds and fighting the exhaustion. “Get in bed.” Your tone doesn’t leave much room to argue but he does anyway. 

“No. It’s not safe. I could hurt you. You need to heal a bit more.” He squeezes your hand. “But believe me, I want to, more than anything.”

“You won’t hurt me. Didn’t last time.” You look at him with big sleepy eyes that kill him. “Heal better with you in bed with me.” He bites his lip, torn, so scared of causing you any pain and so desperate to give you what you want. To give himself what he wants. “You’re the one that said oxytocin helps healing…” Your eyes flutter closed again. 

He has to laugh through some tears. “God, you really do listen and learn don’t you?”

You hum at him. “Someone has to be your best student. And it better always be me Dr. Abbot.” 

He laughs at that. It’s so you, such a you thing to say. For the first time in days he really laughs even with as short as it is. For the first time in days he feels hope. Hope that everything is going to be okay and you’re going to go home together and unpack and set up your place and paint and just be together.  

“You’re my best everything,” he murmurs as he gently shifts you and all your wires and climbs carefully into bed next to you. He needs it. And you need it. And so he lets you both have it. He lets himself hold you as best he can while keeping you in a neutral position that won’t hurt you. Your head falls to rest on his shoulder and you sigh softly as you fall asleep. Jack kisses the top of your head, lets his lips linger. 

“Sleep well.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Doll, I am not a dancer. I promise you. Nobody wants to see it.” 

“I don’t believe you,” you pout at him. “And I’ve seen those hips in action Peter. I know how much control you have over them. How you can isolate all the little muscles in them.”

“None of the muscles in your hips are particularly little-”

“You’re not changing the subject,” you cut him off. “It’s a wedding. We’re going to have to dance. At least to the slow songs.” 

“Are you sure you really want to take me?” He doesn’t even really mean to ask it, it just comes out. 

You look up at him and pause, drop his comforter that you were pulling back to get into his bed. “I… Is it too soon? Too serious too soon? I guess going to a wedding together is kind of…” you trail off looking for the word. “I don’t know a thing.”

“No!” He’s quick to reassure you. He leans up and pulls the comforter back for you. “Get in bed.” 

You do as he says. “It’s not too soon, and I want to go with you, trust me. Even under threat of dancing. I just wanted to make sure you don’t feel like you have to take me. I know a lot of your friends will be there and if you’re not ready to make those introductions, that’s okay,” he explains as he pulls you to him, arms wrapping around you but loose enough so that you can see each other. 

“I don’t feel like I have to take you. I want to. I want people to meet you. I want to show you off.” One of your hands slips into the back of his hair and plays with it, ruffles the curls and scratches at his scalp on and off as you look at each other. 

“Show me off?” He smirks at you. “You wanna show me off?”

“My intelligent, thoughtful, hot as all fuck doctor of a boyfriend? Yeah. I wanna show you off.” You grab at the old shirt he’s wearing to sleep in and give it and him a look of mock offense at it being on but pull him to you by it anyway. “Wanna see you in a partial suit. Nice slim fit pants, collared shirt, a tie, one or two buttons open at the reception and the tie shoved in your pocket to use on me later.” 

Jack sucks in a sharp breath of air and you just give him a little raise of your eyebrow, start to roll onto your back. He’s on top of you and kissing you and has his hands roaming all over you the second your head hits the pillow. 

He always pauses for a moment and makes eye contact with you before letting himself collapse on top of you after he’s done fucking you like this. The intimacy of that quick moment always makes your heart metaphorically skip a beat. This time is no exception. 

Jack snuggles into your chest, kissing at the top of your breasts as he does before he settles. You run your hands through his hair, are always running them through his hair or up and down his back or both. He loves it. 

“Hey Jack?” He’ll never get used to hearing his name come off your tongue.

He makes a little hum of acknowledgment, still blissed out and coming down. 

“We’re dancing at the wedding.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Days blur together. 

Your Pitt family rallies around both of you. 

You start seeing a therapist and it helps, you improve some, mentally. Jack finally makes an appointment with his therapist and it helps him. 

Everyone helps distract you, but it’s not just sitting in your room with you. One night Samira, Javadi, McKay, Mel and Heather show up in your room with painting supplies, easels, foldable stools, and a woman you’ve never met before. 

Paint and sip, they explain. You’re doing a paint and sip right here in your room, minus the sipping, unfortunately, because of your meds. It’s so sweet and thoughtful it makes you teary. Jack will never admit it but it may or may not have made him a little teary as he gave you a kiss and walked out to be with Robby for a bit as you guys did your painting. 

There are more things. There are a lot more things that they all do for you, and for Jack. Robby forces Jack to leave the hospital, just to go home, get more things for you, pick up food you like, small things. The first time is rough for both of you. But it gets better.

Of course, the most special though, the one that helps your mental health the most, is what Jack does for you. 

One night a good two and a half weeks into your hospital stay, Jack goes out to pick up dinner and Dana, Samira and Heather show up in your room again, but this time they have clothes for you. Nice clothes. A nice dress, the one you were going to wear to the wedding. Nice shoes. Make-up. Perfume. 

The Pitt is having a little get together on the roof and you should come, they explain. You worry that Jack is not going to be happy with you out of your room and on the roof, that it’ll scare him and you don’t want to scare him any more than you already have. They convince you that it’s okay, that Robby called Jack already and told him and so he knows to meet you up there. You’re confused by it all but don’t feel you’re in a position to really question anything and also very excited about the prospect of getting to be out on the roof in fresh air and city noise. 

The girls help you get dressed and your makeup and hair done nicely. Dana sprays some perfume on you. It makes you smile. 

“What?” She asks, but it’s a little too knowing. 

“I wore this perfume on Jack and I’s first date.” 

She hums. “Well isn’t that special? You’ll have to see if he remembers.” 

Heather and Samira disappear, say they’ll meet you up there, they’re going to go change. Dana brings you up, opens the roof door and tells you to go, she’s gotta go change. You look at her confused and shaking your head and now you know something is up. But she’s off before you can question her.

You turn around and walk out onto the roof a little, around a little corner and there’s Jack. 

There’s Jack standing next to a dinner table with a white linen tablecloth with candles on it, fairy lights strung up on the guard rail. There’s Jack holding a bouquet of daffodils for you and looking at you like you’re a vision. There’s Jack standing in front of you in nice slim fit pants, a collared shirt with two buttons undone. 

You look shocked because you are so far fucking beyond shocked you didn’t even know it was possible. He did this for you. 

“We didn’t get to go to the wedding,” he calls to you as he walks over while you walk to him. “You look gorgeous.”

You’re speechless. Beyond. You’re thoughtless, struggling to process this, all this work that he did for you.

“I promise to give you a raincheck on the tie,” he smirks as he reaches you, leans in and kisses you. He pulls back, brows furrowed like he’s confused and it makes you laugh a little because how the hell is he the confused one now. “You smell like our first date.”

“I…Jack, this is… Yeah, it’s the same perfume. Dana brought it.” You pause, think back on your conversations with Dana. She dragged it out of you so casually one day you thought nothing of it. You shake your head and laugh a little. “She asked me about it one day and I didn’t even think about it.

“She’s pretty good, isn’t she?” Jack laughs. You nod. 

“Jack, I’m,” you look around, hold onto his forearms to ground you. You’re teary. Of course. “You did all this? For me?”

“Well I certainly had many co-conspirators who helped me get it all set up, but yeah. It was my idea. You needed it. I needed it. We needed it. A date night. And this was the only place we could get in.” He hands you the daffodils, grabs your hand and leads you over to the table where you stop.

“I…” You look around again. “It’s safe? For me?” You look back at him and he knows from the look in your eye that you’re not asking because you’re worried about yourself. You’re asking because you’re worried about him, worried about putting him through more trauma and more pain if something were to happen to you up here. 

“Yes.” He helps you into the chair. “You’re probably the safest diner in all of Pittsburgh tonight. You’ve got a physician’s supervision.” He smirks at you. His eyes flick to the ground on the side. His go-bag. He’s prepared, just in case. That brings you back to reality, brings you back to yourself, makes you smile and give a soft laugh. 

He sits down opposite you, starts to take a drink of water. “Have I ever told you how hot I find it that you’re a doctor?”

Jack chokes, starts coughing and it makes you giggle.

“What?” You draw the word out with a bit of that shit-eating grin he loves. “What did you expect me to say?” 

“I don’t fucking know but not that! You were so speechless a minute ago!” He’s laughing a bit now, looking at you like you’re one of the seven wonders of the world. 

“It’s just the truth!” you say through a laugh. He reveals dinner to you. Your favorite dish from your favorite place. You thank him for this, all of it, you keep saying it because you’re so blown away. 

You eat dinner. You eat all of yours for the first time in two weeks and it makes Jack so incredibly happy and relieved. After you’re done with dinner you sit for a bit, chat a little before Jack stands up and holds out his hand to you. You raise an eyebrow at him. 

He takes his phone out and thirty seconds later your guy's song, soft and slow, starts playing from a speaker he had hidden under the table. He offers you his hand again. 

“Oh Jack.” You pull the words out a little bit as you start to cry.

Through tears you take it and let him pull you close into a dancing hold. “I hope they’re good tears,” Jack murmurs as he holds you close.

“They’re the best,” you sniffle. “I love you so much.”

Jack kisses your temple at the side of your eyebrow. “I love you more.”

The song plays on a loop. Jack dances with you until you admit you’re tired and need to rest. It’s not even really dancing more than just swaying together, him holding you close, murmured conversation. But it’s everything. He’s everything. 

You’re there for weeks. Weeks that are beautifully uneventful, the only exception being when you hit some milestones in your recovery. 

And then one day is eventful again because a word starts being used. The word you’ve both been desperate to hear. 

Home. 

You’re desperate to get out of the hospital and home. Jack is just as desperate to get you there. He never wants to let you out of it again, but that’s a conversation for a later day. He’s dreading when you have to go back to work, back to that courthouse. Rationally he knows with the increased security since the shooting it’s probably one of the safest places for you to be but his emotional brain doesn’t give a single fuck about that. 

You laugh about it with Jack one day, how you’re going to go home to your apartment that’s still in boxes with furniture pushed to the center of rooms so you could paint. “It’s okay, we can wait to paint or I can make Robby help. And then you can just boss me around and tell me where to put things as I unpack while you rest on the couch.”

He gives you a very pointed look. 

“I think I’ll be okay to help you unpack. At least some things and at least for a while. If I get tired I’ll rest and I won’t go lifting a box of books, okay?” You give him a reassuring smile. 

“No.” 

You let out a deep sigh. “Jack, we’ve talked about this. You can’t treat me like I’m glass forever. Especially once we’re home.” 

“Why not? And it’s not even treating you like glass, it’s making sure you take it easy and recover.” His face is set, but not quite as hard as it has been when you’ve had this conversation in the past. 

“I will take it easy. And I will recover. And you will be there to make sure I do both of those things. But being active, to an extent, I know, is important. Robby has said it. Dana. Heather, Mel, Santos, Shen, Parker, Perlah, Princess, Shamsi, Whitaker, Garcia, Javadi, Mohan, Mateo, everyone who has ever stepped in this room. Even you told me that, back when I didn’t want to get out of bed.” You run your hands over his chest, try to be soothing. You don’t want to upset him. “I know you have been through a lot with this. I know I have been. I know we have a lot to process and work through together and individually. I don’t want to argue. And I know that if our positions were reversed I would be the exact same way towards you, and that if anything you have it worse because you’re a doctor and so you know way too much about the things that could go wrong. But I’m okay. I will be okay. You tell me everyday how I’m getting stronger.”

Jack settles his hands on your hips, rests his forehead against yours. “I know. I just… struggle. Because you were better and then you weren’t. And I am terrified that’s going to happen again even though I know the chances at this point are so low.” His hands squeeze your hips. “I think maybe seeing you out of here will help. Seeing you at home. It’ll make it more real. That you’re really okay.” He pulls his head from yours. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey,” you cup his face with both of your hands. “I don’t want you to be sorry, Jack. Not for caring so much, for loving so much. Because that’s what this is and I know it. It’s not micromanaging or not trusting me or wanting to control me. I know that. I promise. I know this is motivated by fear and by love. We’re going to get through this together, okay?”

He nods because he knows it’s true. 

And then there’s another eventful day, with a phrase you’ve both been itching to hear. 

Discharge instructions. 

They let Robby give you them even though he’s not technically your doctor. He gives them to you even though he doesn’t need to because you have Jack who’s going to be all over you and enforce stricter ones. But you still appreciate hearing them so that you have some idea of what’s okay and what isn’t and what appointments you have scheduled for follow ups and the meds they’re sending you home with. 

You ask about sex. 

Jack almost drops the bottle he’s packing away for you. “Why, please tell me why on earth,” he draws the word out, “you’re thinking about sex? And not recovering.”

You look at him, hold a finger up and then riffle through the bag next to you on the bed. You take out the small stand mirror Dana had brought you so that you could do your makeup that one night. You open it and hand it to Jack. “Take a look in the mirror Dr. Abbot.”

You’re so nonchalant with how you say it, like it’s obvious and just a fact and nothing you should really have to be explaining. 

“Oh my god,” he mutters. 

Robby ends up totally snorting his laugh because he tried to stifle it for Jack for a minute but it’s too good, it’s too funny. Robby smiles at you as he pulls it together, thinks how good you are for Jack. How you’re what he needed.

“You could have just asked me, you know! I’m a doctor! I know you know that, you tell me how hot it is all the time! We didn’t have to fucking drag Michael into this,” he huffs. But all of you know it’s not serious. He’s not really mad. He’s just worried and scared and wants to protect you and doesn’t want anything to happen to you and more than anything he doesn’t want to hurt you. But there’s the subtlest tinge to his voice that reflects his lust, his want, his desire to have you like that again. 

“Yes, but I don’t trust you to give me a straight answer right now,” he goes to interrupt you but you shake your head and continue, speaking over him, and Jack pouts. Truly pouts. “And you know that’s valid and you would have given me the most conservative answer possible. And it’s Robby,” you shrug, “he’s a doctor and your best friend and obviously knows we’re having sex, or were before all of this. Plus he saw my tits when he coded me, I think we lost some boundaries when that happened.”

“They’re very nice b-”

Jack shoots him a glare, one that would have Robby dead on the floor if looks could kill.

Robby stops talking and clears his throat. “Right, well, uh,” Robby hugs his tablet to him and rocks back and forth a bit. “I mean as soon as you’re ready and feel up to it.” You look over at Jack and flash a pleased smile, raise your eyebrows. “But nothing too rough or overly strenuous. Keep it soft, slow. You know real love-making-”

“I’m going to fucking quit if you keep talking.” Jack interrupts Robby who wears the biggest self-satisfied shit eating grin. 

You snort a laugh because the whole situation is so fucking absurd. “Thank you, Robby.”  

“Of course.” He opens his arms and you hug. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I am really fucking glad I won’t see either of you tomorrow.” 

The three of you share a laugh. “Ready?” Jack asks you. It’s funny how in the moment you’ve been dying for you’re suddenly terrified and unsure. The hospital is safe. There are doctors and medications. 

You remind yourself that there’s a doctor and medications at home too and the thought lets you smile at Jack and nod.

He flicks his chin to the wheelchair. “Oh you cannot be serious. That is so unnecessary.”

“Hospital policy.” Jack shrugs. 

“Hospital policy or Jack policy?”

“That one actually is hospital policy.” Robby confirms. 

Jack gives you a triumphant smirk and you roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him. He does it back. 

And then he wheels you out.

Being home is strange. It’s a whole new normal to get used to again. There are lots of emotions. You’re all over the place, somehow more emotional labile the first two days at home than you ever were in the hospital. 

Despite his own emotions Jack is your rock through it and things start to get better. He paints with Robby’s help. You talk him into letting you paint. You direct Jack and Robby on where furniture should go, with Jack’s input of course. You and Jack unpack boxes together. 

Six or seven days after you came home you’re down to just two boxes left. All books. You and Jack are unpacking them together, him bending to get them out of the box and you alphabetizing as you put them on the shelves. 

Jack picks up a book. The book. The one that started it all. The one ‘Move in with me?’ is written in. He stares down at it. 

Earlier today he’d unpacked the box where he’d hidden the ring. The ring box is in his pocket, pants loose enough to hide it. 

“Peter?” You hold a hand out behind you to get the next book from him but Jack doesn’t put one in your hand or say anything. “Jack?” you repeat as you turn around to him staring at the book. He has a weird look that you can’t really place. Your brows furrow in concern. “Are you okay?”

He sets the book back in the box and looks up at you for a second. And then he’s sliding down to one knee and your eyes widen. “Jack,” you whisper, already teary. 

“We’re going on the France trip,” he starts. “It’s all planned. You should be well enough to travel by then and we can adjust to take it easier if we need.” Your mouth drops open a little. “I had this all planned too. Proposing. I was going to take you to the Louvre, propose in front of the inverted pyramids, have a photographer. I had planned to tell you about the trip the night of the day you got shot. And then the entire time you were in the hospital I wanted to ask but I didn’t want it to feel like I was asking because you were in the hospital and things were scary.” 

You bring a trembling hand to your mouth. “But I can’t wait anymore. I can’t wait for Paris. You know this has nothing to do with what happened. I had planned this before what happened. I knew I wanted to marry you within a month. That time you met me outside of the hospital after I coded that vet at the very end of my shift. We had spoken on the phone for less than a minute, I didn’t tell you about it or say anything was wrong and yet you just showed up. In your work clothes. When I asked why you were there you said you could hear it in my voice, that I needed someone, needed to not be alone and so you took the day off, and it’s funny because up until you said it I had been telling myself that I needed to be alone. But you were right. When I started to argue you just put a hand to my chest and kissed me, told me that it was already done, you’d already let your boss know, grabbed my hand and started walking to my place. And that’s when I realized you knew me better than I knew myself and that you weren’t afraid to just do things for me, that you weren’t going to make me ask, ever, for anything, when you knew I wouldn’t be able to. You weren’t going to make me struggle, force me to either open up or not get what I need from you. That’s when I knew I wanted to marry you.” He pauses and swallows, trying to clear the tears that line his eyes from his voice. “There’s so much I wanted to say in this moment, so much you deserve to hear” he laughs a little, the sound wet with tears, “but everything has fallen out of my mind. I promise though that, if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of our lives making sure you hear them and know how important and necessary you are to me, how much I love you.” 

Tears stream down your face. They have been for a while now. Your mouth and chin tremble under your hand. 

Jack gets the box from his pocket and opens it.

The way Jack says your name is etched into your memory. Then. “Will you marry me?”

You move your hand from your mouth, give him a look and move your shoulders in a way that says he didn’t even have to ask. 

“Yes.” 

It’s not exactly whispered, your voice is just so choked with tears it makes it sound like it. Jack’s face breaks out into the biggest teary smile and yours matches. Shaking hands get the ring on your finger and then Jack is standing up, arms going straight to hold your face and he kisses you like he never has before. It’s indescribable. It’s perfect. 

You hug him tightly for a minute before you both pull away. “Is it okay? The ring?”

“Oh,” you sniffle, try and wipe at your eyes with your hands. “You’re going to laugh,” your voice gets a little more high pitched as another wave of emotion hits you. “The tears, there’s too many, I haven’t been able to see it.” You cover your mouth with your hand. 

And Jack, Jack starts laughing. Because it’s so you, from being too teary to see it to the way you got even more emotional when you told him. You laugh-cry with him. 

The entirety of the proposal is perfect. 

As is what follows once you’ve seen the ring, almost screamed about it and how perfect it is, and gushed about it for several minutes to him. 

Jack takes your hand and leads you to your bedroom. Your shared bedroom. He lays you down on soft sheets. It’s your first time after what happened. 

He takes his time with you. Kisses every inch of you, every scar, new and old, lingers on the new ones. He worships you. Takes you apart and puts you back together again. Lets you do the same to him. 

The groan of relief that comes from his chest when he finally pushes inside of you is unholy. He holds you tight to him. He adjusts so that he’s on top of you, arms under your shoulders with his elbows supporting him, holding your face in his hands. It’s all panting and breathy and sloppy kisses and uncontrollable groans and moans and warm sweaty skin and eye contact and Jack slowly losing it and groaning nonstop as he fucks you and chases your hips harder and harder, moving you both up the bed a bit as he tries to get deeper and closer to you. 

You take a bath after to clean the sweat off of you both and just to feel each other. He pours in so much epsom salts to help you heal that you tease him you’re going to float in the water. It’s so warm and his touch is so relaxing that you actually fall asleep leaning back against him for a few minutes. He lets you sleep. Tries to commit the moment to memory. 

You decide to have a housewarming party. You invite everyone from the Pitt, time it so that the night shifters can drop by for a little bit before their shift starts if they want. You invite some of your friends too. 

You use it to announce your engagement. Every time someone knocks you and Jack go get them and you hold your left hand up. Everyone is happy for you. Some cry which makes you get teary. Jack hears you discussing the ring with Dana, Samira, McKay, and Javadi, you holding your hand out and all of them looking closely at it. He can’t hear the conversation but he catches, “he custom designed it,” and “it’s so perfect, just like him.”

He stands alone for a minute watching you and the party. He smiles as you walk up to him, arms automatically opening for you to step into. “And how is my beautiful fiancée doing?” You giggle at the word. Fianceé. It makes it so real. “Tired?” He’s checking in on you and you know he’d have all of these people out in a literal minute if you said you were tired and needed to rest. 

“No, I’m okay, I promise.” You lean up and give him a kiss. “How’s my handsome fiancé?” 

“I’m pretty perfect, Doll.” He gives your hip a squeeze. “Thank you.”

“For what?” You cock your head at him a little and he melts even more for you somehow. 

“For everything.” Jack kisses you. “For saying yes.” Another kiss. “For waking up.” Another kiss. “And for telling me that book wasn’t worth it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted both without having to destroy Jack because he deserves everything so here we are. I hope it was okay! Please let me know your thoughts and comments!! Liking, replies and reblogging are so so appreciated! My inbox and requests are open (see masterlist for more)! Thank you for reading all of this, I know it was long!

And let me know if you'd like to see more of these two! Wedding, more before reader is shot, just little domestic moments between the two? I'm hoping to do a follow up to Perfumer and maybe a few more shorter things, maybe some Robby? Who knows, certainly not I.

Thank you again for reading and your support!

[missdynamighttt]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⇢"but kia! how do i know what is-" ࿐ྂ

HONEY, YOU'RE A STAR ☆ ! - smut ༉‧₊˚.

BABY, YOU HAVE MY HEART ♡ ! - fluff ༉‧₊˚.

SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND ✧! - angst ༉‧₊˚.

LONG FICS (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ ᯓᡣ𐭩

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ honey..come back to me. please. | k. bakugo (first ever fic)

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ IN WHICH, you and your ex-boyfriend katsuki bakugo can't seem to resist each other no matter what. even if you're only supposed to be friendly at the class reunion party.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ there's no one like you, sweets. | k. bakugo

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ IN WHICH, you make what feels like the worst decision of your life—getting into a hot tub with your fake boyfriend, katsuki bakugo.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fat ass like hers needs a real man to fuck it | k. bakugo

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ IN WHICH, you get tangled up with your boyfriend's arrogant, infuriating, and devastatingly hot rival, katsuki bakugou and ended up fucking... one too many times.

SHORT FICS ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´- ᯓᡣ𐭩

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ convincing bf! katsuki to do the sticky cover

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ shoulder-biter bf! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ beach with older bf! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ new year with bf! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ jacked AND kind with bf! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ crying in a movie with bf! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ watching porn with bf! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊ bf! katsuki pays for your nails and you thank him

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ bf! katsuki convincing you to go on a date with him

*ੈ✩‧₊ bf! katsuki does your eyeliner

*ੈ✩‧₊ backshots with enemies, pro hero! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ pro hero, husband! katsuki's greatest achievement

*ੈ✩‧₊ old bro's bsf! katsuki catches you masturbating (1k special)

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ using bf! katsuki's face to test out your lipsticks

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ shamelessly seducing boss! katsuki as his secretary

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ husband! katsuki had a dream you divorced him

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ sitting on bf! katsuki's shoulders while he cooks

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ husband! katsuki SO in love with the way that you smell

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ husband! katsuki on twitter for texting you while fighting

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ husband! katsuki asks for a kiss after an argument

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ acidentally snooping on freaky, bf! katsuki's phone

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ asking bf! katsuki about prenups

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ twitter porn links with katsuki (2k special)

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ pro hero, husband! katsuki hears he needs to bone his wife

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ovulation week with bf! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ shit to try w/ her masterlist (3k special)

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ filipina gf! arguing with bf! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ texting old bro's bsf! katsuki part two

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ husband! katsuki taking out his frustrations on you

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ husband! katsuki takes care of you after a long day

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ bf! katsuki pays for his girlfriend tax

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ bf! katsuki helps you with procrastinating

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ bf! katsuki pranks you for april fools... differently

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ shopping w/ bf! katsuki for the first time

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ missing frat boy, bf! katsuki's calls

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ part two of enemies, pro hero! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ easter birthday special (late 4k special)

REQUESTS (˶ ˘ ³˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶) / / ᯓᡣ𐭩

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ life with husband! katsuki and kids

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ arguing w/ bf! katsuki being reckless

*ੈ✧‧₊˚ single father! katsuki finds daughter's drugs

*ੈ✧‧₊˚ pro hero! katsuki meeting villain! reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ internet goes wild over mature photo of pro hero! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ mature interview with pro hero! katsuki and his wife

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ bf! katsuki's first time hearing you moan

*ੈ✧‧₊˚ falling in love with fantasy! katsuki over and over again

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ missionary bear hug with bf! katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ hyena! reader and pro hero! katsuki nsfw

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ bf! katsuki cooks your favorite filo dish

*ੈ✧♡‧₊˚ situationship with katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ husband! katsuki with a big dick

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ bf! katsuki's favorite place: your thighs

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ gym rat! needy bf katsuki

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ brat tamer! katsuki

*ੈ♡‧₊˚ dating frat boy! katsuki

‎‧₊˚✧[ it's me, kia! ]✧˚₊‧

⋆˚࿔ kia's note ˚⋆ kia thanks you for making it to the end (*ᴗ��ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[eddtherippr]

Lowkey natalie alphabet…????

highkey yes. bon appetit here's my bi weekly freak post

NATALIE SCATORCCIO — NSFW ALPHABET y'all already know the rules... template from here! warnings: mentions of overstim, a bit of angst, mentions of crying during sex, etc...

mdni, 18+

A = AFTERCARE (WHAT THEY’RE LIKE AFTER SEX)

acts like she doesn’t need it, brushes it off with a scoff or a smoke, but if you stay and wrap your arms around her without asking, she gets soft.

needs reassurance in her own quiet way— rubbing her back, playing with her hair while she stares at the ceiling.

does the same for you without being asked. rubs your back and gives you little kisses on the shoulder, then splits a cig with you.

B = BODY PART (THEIR FAVORITE BODY PART OF THEIRS AND ALSO THEIR PARTNER’S)

on herself, her hips. acts indifferent, but you’ll catch her smirking when you grab her there. she also definitely takes pride in her hands. loves painting her nails all pretty right before she fucks you.

on you, your neck. something about pressing her lips under your jawline and feeling you twitch makes her go batshit crazy.

C = CUM (ANYTHING TO DO WITH CUM, BASICALLY)

likes it messy. doesn’t care where it goes. loves when it gets on her hands or chest or stomach. 

she’ll sometimes lazily smear it just to watch you shiver. and she definitely likes making you make a mess.

D = DIRTY SECRET

likes being submissive but in that deeply intimate you-know-me-better-than-anyone way. 

someone she completely trusts taking her apart and putting her back together, all in a safe space, is literally her wet dream.

E = EXPERIENCE (HOW EXPERIENCED ARE THEY? DO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING?)

moderately experienced. learned early, maybe not all of it in a great environment, which makes her guarded.

when she’s with someone she wants, she’s very in tune with them, good at reading reactions, knowing just how far to push

F = FAVORITE POSITION

loves to ride / sit on your hips. wants control of the situation, wants to see your face, wants to move at her pace. 

but she also secretly loves being folded the fuck in half, wrists pinned, someone else doing the work while she stares up at them with glassy eyes.

G = GOOFY (ARE THEY MORE SERIOUS IN THE MOMENT? ARE THEY HUMOROUS? ETC.)

loves making you laugh during sex. it’s probably hotter than the actual sex to her because it just means you’re both comfortable and safe, and she likes when she doesn’t have to take things so seriously.

says the most out-of-pocket dirty shit at the worst times, except she can barely get it out without laughing her ass off. 

H = HAIR (HOW WELL GROOMED ARE THEY? DOES THE CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES? ETC.)

bush. can't emphasize enough she does not give a damn. trims when she feels like it but doesn't make it a ritual.

I = INTIMACY (HOW ARE THEY DURING THE MOMENT? THE ROMANTIC ASPECT)

at first, it scares the hell out of her. she’s mostly used to transactional or impulsive sex. real intimacy makes her feel kind of exposed. 

once she gets comfortable though, she clings. holds you tighter than she means to and sometimes cries without realizing it.

J = JACK OFF (MASTURBATION HEADCANON)

does it more than she lets on. usually tries to be quick, under the covers, gritting her teeth or biting her lip. 

but sometimes, if she’s thinking of you, she’ll take her time and try to replicate how your hand feels. usually just ends with her frustrated as all hell, though.

K = KINK (ONE OR MORE OF THEIR KINKS)

power play (on both ends) — loves loves loves someone who bites back and matches her energy. if you talk back to her and she gets to put you in your place? literally already creaming. however, likewise, if you put her in her place? same effect.

light bondage — doesn’t like being tied up tied up because it’s a little too restrictive— nor does she like when you’re tied up too tight because one of her favorite parts is making you squirm. but then she loops her belt around your wrists as a little joke and actually ends up finding it way hotter than she should. oops new kink unlocked!

overstimulation — keeps insisting she can take more and will keep insisting until she’s literally sobbing because she wants to go for soooo long… like it feels so good she doesn’t want it to stop. doesn’t even realize it’s a thing until the roles reverse and she fucks you to HELL and back, giving you little sympathy kisses as she completely ruins you

edging — cums super fucking fast bc she’s just so into you, she can’t help it. so when you start making her wait for it she actually goes insane. it’s so hot but also she’s losing her mind. make her ask for it? diabolical. on the opposite end, she loves teasing the fuck out of you but also likes to please, so she usually doesn’t edge you too bad.

L = LOCATION (FAVORITE PLACES TO DO THE DO)

usually doesn’t care much about the where— car, dirty couch, your lap in the woods. but if she’s really into you? somewhere private, soft, a safe little nest where she can just fall apart and no one can see. 

has the ‘your food tastes better than mine’ mentality but about beds. if she can get in your bed you’re never getting her out.

M = MOTIVATION (WHAT TURNS THEM ON, GETS THEM GOING)

any sort of intense emotion gets her in the mood. anger, fear— she needs an outlet for things. sex happens to be good for that.

but in a healthier environment: your smile. your moan. the way you look at her. gets absolutely feral over soft, loving things because she’s not used to that.

N = NO (SOMETHING THEY WOULDN’T DO, TURN OFFS)

anything that feels disconnected. she needs to feel wanted, not used.

humiliation and degradation are also hard nos. she gets in her head if she feels like you don’t respect her, even if it’s all playing a role.

O = ORAL (PREFERENCE IN GIVING OR RECEIVING, SKILL, ETC.)

great at giving. fast learner, lives for reactions. loves holding your thighs open and taking her time. 

receiving, she pretends she’s chill, but when your tongue hits just right, she’s gasping and pulling your hair like crazy.

loves both equally. switch nat for the win!

P = PACE (ARE THEY FAST AND ROUGH? SLOW AND SENSUAL? ETC.)

usually wants it slow and raw, with this sort of aching tenderness.

if she’s particularly frustrated, fast and rough as hell. will definitely feel bad about it later though.

Q = QUICKIE (THEIR OPINIONS ON QUICKIES, HOW OFTEN, ETC.)

loves them. has them all the time. behind closed doors, up against a wall, fingers down your pants while you're on the phone... she's always worked up somehow and quickies scratch the itch.

R = RISK (ARE THEY GAME TO EXPERIMENT? DO THEY TAKE RISKS? ETC.)

willing to try almost anything once. gets a thrill from things that feel slightly dangerous or forbidden.

S = STAMINA (HOW MANY ROUNDS CAN THEY GO FOR? HOW LONG DO THEY LAST?)

wants to go for hours, realistically gets overstimulated after like two rounds. cumming doesn't stop shit for her though she will literally gush her entire heart out and still tell you to keep going.

T = TOYS (DO THEY OWN TOYS? DO THEY USE THEM? ON A PARTNER OR THEMSELVES?)

has a couple— basic ones, probably a vibe and a strap. uses them casually, but if you’re into it, she’s very open.

probably prefers the strap because she likes being close to you (as well as having you dig marks in her back, shhh though)

U = UNFAIR (HOW MUCH THEY LIKE TO TEASE)

unfair. smirks while she kisses your stomach and says, “what? this spot?” before going right back in. 

lives to see you blush, because that means she’s doing something right.

V = VOLUME (HOW LOUD THEY ARE, WHAT SOUNDS THEY MAKE, ETC.)

not super loud. quiet moans, breathy curses, gasping your name, occasionally a broken, “fuck—” if you hit the right spot. 

that said, if she’s comfortable? laughs a lot during sex. because she said something funny, because you said something funny, because you accidentally tickled her, because she’s just happy… literally finds any reason.

W = WILD CARD (A RANDOM HEADCANON FOR THE CHARACTER)

has a praise kink, even if she'd rather choke than tell you that. whisper that she's good, that she's pretty, or that she's yours, and she'll literally explode into a million stars dude...

X = X-RAY (LET’S SEE WHAT’S GOING ON UNDER THOSE CLOTHES)

toned, but not like, gym-sculpted. scarred, soft in some places, hard in others. slight muscle under the softness, smaller chest, old stick-n-poke tattoos scattered in various places. in the summer, she gets freckles like crazy.

Y = YEARNING (HOW HIGH IS THEIR SEX DRIVE?)

high drive, but kinda unpredictable. can go from “not right now” to “get the fuck in my lap” in ten seconds flat. 

sex is a coping mechanism and a form of connection, so if she wants you, you definitely know it.

Z = ZZZ (HOW QUICKLY THEY FALL ASLEEP AFTERWARDS)

sleeps like the actual dead afterward. especially if she’s had a good cry-fuck combo (which happens more than she likes to admit, oops). literally just passes out curled up on you like a cat. 

loves having her ear to your chest so she can count your heartbeats. it helps her fall asleep.

[jacy-gir1]

Heyyy, NSFW alphabet featuring shinsou. Obviously 18+

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He is the kind of guy to be instantly tired, he wants to hold you, lazily kiss you, cuddle you as you fall asleep after sex. He doesn’t mind if there’s a little mess and your both naked he just wants you in his arms.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Thighs absolutely no questions asked. He wants to kiss them, touch them, squeeze them, put his head in between them, you name it. There’s no better way to relax after a long day of work then to lay down in your pillowy thighs.

C = Cum (Where does he want to cum?)

Back to the last one, thighs definitely. If they aren’t available then stomach, back, or tits. There’s just something about seeing himself sprayed on your body it’s like an animal marking there territory.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Actually really into dominantrics (idk how to spell that just go with it) but would never tell you because he’s super embarrassed. He secretly would enjoy being bossed around, told how to please you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s watched a fair share of porno but was a virgin before he met you, surprisingly he was a natural in bed, a quick learner you’d call him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary, some may say it’s boring but it gets all the right spots, he can kiss you while rearranging your guts, easy access to your clit and curves, and best of all your neck is so so easy to grab.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Very serious, so serious it’s goofy

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Carpet matches the drapes, purple stubble

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Less romantic then you’d expect, he’s a fan of hard kinky sex, not the type of stuff you’d call “making love” but it’s romantic in his own way.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

A lot, If he’s horny and your not available his hand is on his cock. He jacks off to pictures of you in a swimsuit. He has jerked off next to you in bed while you were sleeping multiple times, he dreads you waking up but also gets off on it

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

About the level of kinky as you’d expect, he’s into shibari, putting you in collars (a little pet play), and using his quirk on you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bed, it’s the most comfortable for both of you and you don’t have to worry about it not working for his favorite positions.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Mostly you teasing him but sometimes he just gets random boners. If you really want to get him going then strip tease when he’s not expecting it.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Role play, he hates thinking about fucking anyone but you. Other then that he’s super open to whatever you want to try; my man does not kink shame

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Not very good at giving but lovvvvves receiving, it’s his favorite way to cum, with your mouth wrapped around him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Very rough and fast paced, this man rails the shit of you it is not gentle. However if you feel like it’s to much he becomes more gentle with you, your pleasure comes before him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a fan of quickies, he prefers longs nights where you can do multiple rounds and fall asleep after

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Loves to push yours and his own boundaries, he’s not Risky in the sense of doing it in public though

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

About 4, you’ll know when he’s tired out

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

It’s hit or miss with toys but he loves putting you in collars and using controlled toys to tease and edge you with

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

His version of foreplay is teasing the shit out of you, but after that he just wants to get lost in you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s a grunter and whimperer definitely, loud in a quiet way if that makes any sense.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Reads cringy smut fanfiction and imagines you as main characters

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Like 6inches, not enough to be painful for you but big enough to make you feel like he’s in your stomach

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Depends, it’s like seasonal with this man, super horny during winter, super chill during summer.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Two fucking seconds after he cums he’s snoring while holding you tight, more cuddles the better

[im-gonna-sing-the-doom-song-blog]

Jason Todd NSFW A-Z

Warnings 18+:

Adult language and themes

*sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar errors

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) 

Jason would hold you, grip firm, but comforting, almost as if grounding himself in this moment.  He would mummer to you in that rough Bowery accent. “Fucking shit, hon..” while kissing your neck. It takes a little for him to clean up and to let you do the same (he's very lazy at this point), but when he does, he spoils you. He runs you a warm bath and brings you your favorite snack, along with the softest pjs ever. The best part is the deep tissue massage he gives you to release the rest of that tension they may linger. “I said I would get all of the knots out, didn’t I?” 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

Jason really doesn’t have a favorite part of his own body. His hands maybe. They can bring on destruction, but also build and mend things he thought he was only capable of destroying. He loves using them to squeeze your thighs. That’s his favorite part, if he had to choose. He loves all of you.  

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) 

I fully believe he's into facials and cumming in your mouth. Something about holding your face with one hand, thumb and index finger squishing your cheeks as he rubs his leaking cock against your lips, glossing them with precum. When he cums, his smacking your face with it. Extra points if you stick out your tongue. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

Secret recordings and photos. He gets off on rewatching the filthy things he does to you. He’s not much of a porn guy, since he only wants you. Other people don’t really interest him in that aspect. So, when he goes on those long missions and can’t see you for a while, he has something to keep him motivated. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) 

He’s had a few partners, but nothing really special. Not like you. Just basic sex after he came back from the pit, but his body was still settling in itself. Growing pains and all that he had to endure all at once. He has the know-how and some top tier equipment, so what he lacks in experience he makes up in that. Either way, you're a soaking mess when he’s done. The longer you're with him, the better and better it gets 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) 

Doggy style. Hands down, He loves watching your pussy take his full length to the base “You like that? Get that ass up. You can take it” .  He also enjoys cowgirl when you both in the mood, but doesn’t wanna move around too much. Perfect for those sore post patrol nights and he wants to get you off.  

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) 

Neither goofy or serious. A complete bastard. Jason gets that shit eating grin on his face when he’s slamming into you and you making you whimper in pleasure. “All that talk and you can barely take it.” He chuckles. “And you think I was gonna let you off easy?”  

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) 

Definitely trimmed. He doesn’t really care as long as it's neat down there. Dark trail of hair. Not really much to say. 

Always clean. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) 

Kind of a prick. Jason is naturally an aggressive guy, so I can’t really see him being gentle in bed unless you ask him to. He won’t hurt you in anyway, but he fucks in the mattress until you’re unable to walk properly.  

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) 

Not really into it. Jason would rather wait to have the real thing than bore himself with a porno. Why waste time with that? However mutual masturbation can get him going. Intense making out while he jerks off and you touch yourself drives him feral. “Those goddamn noises you make, doll. Gonna make me lose my shit” 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) 

Lingerie. Especially his color.  Lace makes him rock hard. He likes to choke you too. Pull your hair. His major kink is definitely edging..teasing and teasing..and teasing some more until he feels like letting you cum. “Too much? Look at you. You’re squirming and soak already. I haven’t even put my cock in you yet.”  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) 

Home. Anywhere in his apartment is game. He has security measures up the ass there and I don’t see him being a public sex kinda man. Too many risks. The exception is the Batcave.. he’ll hack the security there, fuck you on the training mat and then leave your assprint on the hood of the Batmobile. Wouldn’t even bother deleting the footage either. This asshole would make eye contact with the camera and flip it off on the way out.  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) 

Arguments with you get him going. Especially when it's really heated. He’ll fuck the attitude right out of you. “Babe, curb the ‘tude before I fuck it out of ya” In contrast, his desire is also awakened when you're...just....talking. Your voice puts him in a state. “Just keep talking, please..” He breathes as he palms himself. Stress relief after patrol is another motivator. He’ll wash up the blood and carry you to the bed. “I need you like crazy, c’mere” 

*Bonus. Not really a turn on...but he’ll demolish you out of jealousy. Say, if he felt like someone like Dick was trying something (Dick would never but Jason can be a delusional baby sometimes, let’s face it). It's a self-esteem thing for him. “Everyone wants the pretty golden boy. What, don’t I fuck you good enough.” Oh, he certainly does. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Consent is key. Jason Todd is a mean prick during sex and can sometimes get carried away, but the moment you show the slightest display of unwillingness in your eyes, he’ll stop immediately. He’ll go soft and it may take a while to get him hard again. He could never hurt you and if ever accidently did, he wouldn’t forgive himself.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) 

Loves giving as much as receiving. Jason will eat you out like he's starving, your legs pushed up and everything. He’ll make you scream his name as he traces it with his tongue.  “Hold still and stop squirming, will you? I’m trying to fuckin’eat.” Then when he's leaning back against the couch, muscular arms resting up and you're on your knees on the floor in front of him, he’ll forgive you a little if you can’t go down all the day. “Too big? Poor you” He’ll coo almost mockingly. I don’t really feel choking my pretty girl out. Take a deep breath and take it slow” The sounds that come out of him though? Goddamn. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

Normally rough and medium paced. Not fast or slow. He’s not gentle. I don't care what anyone says. When I say he’ll fuck you into oblivion, I mean it. That doesn’t translate that he doesn't enjoy slow and sensual love making, he does. It's just  that sex is a stress reliever for him, so he wants to release it as much as possible. “You can take it, huh? Look at me, sweetheart. Look at me. I can always fuck you harder, you know”  

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) 

Jason likes to take his time. He would only want a quickie if he was on patrol and its quiet. He’ll sneak into your window. And after briefly scolding (lovingly) you for your cheap ass, shit locks. He’ll fuck you into the mattress, leaving a puddle. Then he’ll kiss you as he’s leaving before getting caught by Bruce.  

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

I feel like he's pretty open. I think the one main thing he wouldn't do would be those gas station enhancement pills or things like ecstasy etc.. After his mom and being on the streets, he’s not really eager to put anything like that in his body. Also, anything that could cause harm or injury. I really don’t see him being into thing like gunplay, even if you are. “These are for work, not play, baby girl. Though I like your enthusiasm, let's keep those separate.” 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) 

Nonstop. The Lazarus pit gave him an endurance boost. An extra perk if you will. Useful for knocking out his enemies and for going round after round in more ways than one. He can last as long as he wants. “Don’t tap out now, love. I’m only getting started.”  

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) 

I have a personal fantasy of using a vibrating cock ring on Jason. He would like that cause it gives both you and him pleasure. His cock would be twitching like hell. Make him stutter his words. “Fuck..you’re killing me..and I’ve been dead. Keep this on me and it might actually do the job this time.” 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

Bastard. That is all.  

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

Jason is a breathy swearer. This man cusses a lot when shit gets hot and heavy. No surprise there. “Fuck..fuck..just like that. Fuck yes. Such a good fucking girl. Make me cum, sweetheart. Fuck” 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) 

He doesn’t watch porn to get off. He watches them for the corny plots and laughs at them. You’ll catch him and you think he would have his hand down his pants. Nope. He’s eating chips and laughing. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Under his black Under Armor boxers, the man is packing. Long and a little thick with that vein that runs on the underside. Eye candy when he’s in sweatpants. “Keep staring with you mouth open like that and I’ll put it to use” hell joke. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) 

Very high, but not uncontrollable. Jason is a patient man and has no problem waiting for you to be in the mood. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Doesn’t fall asleep quickly. He’s the type to smoke a cigarette with you (if you smoke) on the balcony as he holds you. He’s used to being up all night, so he would only nap post sex if if the afternoon so it doesn’t mess with the sleep schedule. “Come here and cuddle babe. We can order something for take out” 

[iscdisc]

A 2012 Casey appreciation post, basically- Lmao

I originally was going to rant about something not so positive, because that's just in my nature to do and 2012 as a whole just makes me incredibly angry- But that's how you can tell it's my favorite show on the planet, so like- LMAO

That's not to say that there won't be some moments of anger in this tangent from me, but for the most part I just want to kind of "gush" (so to speak) about 2012 Casey Jones and why these incompetent writers could never get me to hate him. 🫶✨

This might be kind of contradicting from me, since a lot of 2012 April's writing is what causes me to strongly dislike her as a character canonically- But I think I've come to realize that it's not that I necessarily hate April, it's just that I hate how she was handled and all the opportunities that the show gives her simply for just existing / a lot of what April gets tied to or what she accrued throughout the series are things that I feel the writers simply hand to her rather than explaining why she deserves them (Like her Kunoichi certification after the Space Arc- 💀 / I still don't understand why, "City at War" couldn't have been the first April solo mission episode instead to further show why she should be awarded this accomplishment, but okay- Lmao). And that's why she's frustrating to me. LMAO

Just think about how much better April's character would have been if the show writers actually gave a shit about her and weren't (probably) misogynistic because her character feels like a stereotype of a teenage girl / the "mandatory girl character" a majority of the time. 🙃👍

Casey, on the other hand, is a different situation. Because not only does this show not give him jack shit half the time, but they do him no favors the way they do April a lot of favors (in my opinion) and it feels as though practically a majority of the cast despises his existence-?? Another thing that cannot be said of April (in my opinion). LMAO

I also feel like a lot of the negative traits that we see from Casey throughout the series feel intentional?? In the sense that it feels as though the writers want us as the audience to think that Casey is the most insufferable person on the planet- Similar to how the writers embellish Mikey's negative traits so that we'll also think he's "unreliable" and "annoying" like his brothers do. The writers practically have Casey become "Mikey 2.0" in a lot of instances, and I don't say that like an insult because it honestly shouldn't be?? But it feels like sabotage from the writers, I gotta be honest. 💀

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but 2012 Casey in his first three introductory episodes (Which yes, I refer to them as three introductory episodes because he wasn't officially introduced into the narrative until, "The Good, the Bad, and Casey Jones" / S2 EP 8 / but he technically was a big part of two episodes prior to that one and more literally introduced as a character in, "Mutagen Man Unleashed" / S2 EP 4 /. So-! 👍✨) has an incredibly different feel to him than the Casey that we see in, "Fungus Humongous" / S2 EP 10 /-?? Before, at least in my opinion, Casey felt like a chill dude who had occasional aggressive / hyperactive moments. But after, "The Good, the Bad, and Casey Jones", he felt more like an aggressive / hyperactive dude with occasional relaxed moments- Does that make sense? This is when I feel like he was really shifting into "Mikey 2.0" by the writers. He's a lot more brash, openly obnoxious and boisterous, saying things that he doesn't necessarily need to say so that everyone will look at him with glares (I wonder what other character that happens to- 🙄), having an unserious nature that the others disapprove of (Again, who else does that sound like-), a lot clumsier in battle than he used to be, the others don't take him seriously (Do I even need to say it again-), etc.

But does any of this deter me from loving him as a character? Absolutely not and it never will. LMAO

This isn't to say that I think Casey is perfect, because clearly he has his flaws, and given how the writers handled his character throughout the series, I completely understand why some people think less of him or would say that he's their least favorite character in 2012,, I really do get it.

BUT, despite all those things, I still feel like there were a lot of redeemable traits from him that don't get talked about a lot? Also a lot of things that I feel backfired in regards to the image that the writers "wanted" (Since maybe they didn't intend for this?? But it felt that way to me-) us as the audience to have of his character- Like him actually being one of kindest members of the team??

It's definitely not a conventional kindness, but it is a kindness nonetheless.

I honestly don't know a good place to start with this, so I'm just going to start rambling about whatever comes to mind and hope that that works out for me- LMAO

One of the first things that comes to mind for me is him during, "Of Rats and Men" / S2 EP 12 /. Despite having a crippling musophobia (Fear of mice and rats-) in the same way that Raph has a crippling entomophobia (Fear of insects-), Casey's still did his best to contribute to that problem and was probably enduring one of the most traumatic events of his life for his friends?? Like hello?? He's only known them for like maybe a few weeks or so at this point (Logically speaking-) too??

I know Raph technically has some growth with it in 2012 (Only saying technically because I really didn't like how the show constantly harped on Raph's entomophobia, as if there aren't many other aspects of his character that could have been talked about instead- Lmao), but when he was in his first situation revolving around his phobia ("The Cockroach Terminator" / S1 EP 18 / ) he was not very helpful for a majority of that situation (Which I totally get-) nor did he volunteer to put himself in the "eye of the storm" of that situation in the same way Casey did here. That was an incredibly kind / selfless thing for Casey to do??

Without questioning anything, he defends April against Timothy (Who they didn't know was Timothy at the time, besides I don't think that would be relevant cause April didn't really meet Timothy-?) during the episode, "Mutagen Man Unleashed" / S2 EP 4 / and rides away on his bike with her to escape Timothy, having just met April for the first time. He's pretty much kind towards April in general, but what I mean is a different type of kindness than the more general one that most characters give her- He truly allows April to be herself around him / doesn't treat her differently as person (When I say this, I mean moments like when Casey had no problem kicking April in her shoulder to wake her up during, "Within the Woods" / S3 EP 1 /- Lmao), and I feel like that is the biggest act of kindness he could ever give her. Like??

Maybe this isn't something that is necessarily considered "kind", but I thought it was incredibly sweet and understanding of Casey sit through the drive all the way up to the O'Neil's Farmhouse immediately after the Kraang invasion + immediately after he had failed to find his Father and little Sister in the chaos,, I'm sure he felt like he had to because of everything going on, but it would have been just as understandable for him to need breaks on the road or to vent during the drive- Instead it felt like he just focused on getting everybody else to safety, you know what I mean??

The way he whispers to Raph about taking it easy on Leo during their sparring match since he's been having a hard time since he woke up from his coma during, "Eyes of the Chimera" / S3 EP 7 / ? 😭 || I don't know how much this counts for kindness either, but the way he was so excited to tell Raph about what he had accomplished in regards to Shredder and his little recon mission during, "Casey Jones vs. The Underworld" / S3 EP 14 / always makes me cry- Like he was so happy,,

Also speaking of Casey being incredibly understanding?? 2012 Casey has to be one of the most understanding characters I've ever seen, because the amount of shit that he gets dealt by everyone else and decides to just let's go / move past it is wild to me.

• When Casey's reminiscing to April about his ex best friend Nick in "Target: April O'Neil" / S2 EP 6 / and how there was this complete accident during last year's playoffs and he genuinely accepted that his best friend since second grade decided to never talk to him again?? The maturity that Casey exudes from the scene alone- Not to mention his understanding of her leaving him with a bunch of Foot Soldiers (Not that I'm saying she did anything bad there, I understand why she left and I'm sure he did too-).

• Casey not thinking twice about helping the Turtles and Splinter not get exposed to the Foot Clan during, "The Good, the Bad, and Casey Jones" / S2 EP 8 / despite having known them for a brief amount of time and being at odds with Raph prior- Giving Casey honestly the slimmest of reasons to do this + before this point he actively talked about how he didn't like mutants.

• During, "Newtralized!" / S2 EP 17 /, how despite Raph giving him the hardest time ever (Which felt so hypocritical because I've never seen Raph treat April this way, and she messes up quite a lot imo- 🙃) and blatantly disrespecting him to the point of genuinely pushing him away, Casey STILL CAME BACK AND SAVED THE DAY- Not even getting upset that he didn't get an apology from Raph. At all.

• I don't know if this necessarily falls into what I mean here, but I feel like he often gets misread when he's trying to be genuine? The moment he had with April during, "Within the Woods" / S3 EP 1 / feels like one of these instances to me. I truly don't think Casey meant anything by it when he was asking April if everything was okay between them (Implying the April's been distant towards him lately or probably just acting different-), and even after she kind of blew up on him, he didn't say anything about it and just let it go?? 😭

• Casey being quite literally understanding during, "Buried Secrets" / S3 EP 3 / when April was venting about the situation with her Mother and basically reassuring her that it was okay for April to leave with her if that was the decision that she wanted to make-

• It honestly boils my blood to see how little faith the others had in Casey during, "The Weird World Of Wyrm" / S4 EP 3 / (At least it came across that way to me-), because how could they truly believe that he would turn on them like that? On one hand, I get it was to make the whole thing more believable so that Wyrm wouldn't suspect Casey was trying to do something underhanded, but if I were Casey I would have felt genuinely hurt that they really thought that of me?? April didn't even try to be like, "This isn't you at all! :( " like she normally does, she just fully believed that this is who he was now- 🙃 || But I also understand that a lot of the events of this episode get retconned on purpose, so. 🙄

• Casey basically let go of Raph quite literally ditching him because of his entomophobia during, "The Insecta Trifecta" / S4 EP 17 /, but I also acknowledge that Casey was not helping but all his descriptions during the fight,, LMAO || But I don't know, I feel like Casey was genuinely taking Raph's word for it when he said that he was "over the bug stuff" in the beginning of the episode-

• I don't really want to count this one, but I guess I can bring up how everyone forgave April so quickly after the events of, "The Power Inside Her" / S4 EP 22 / even though I feel like that was incredibly unrealistic-

But all of these hurtful moments?? Casey never brings them up again, he doesn't hold anything over anyone's head- Like- 😭

There's also the fact that he's incredibly selfless?? The most well known example of this being when he saved Raph's life during, "Requiem" / S4 EP 25 / and almost lost his own in the process,,

I feel like the entire concept of his vigilante-ing is an act of selflessness on its own, since you have to want to help people who can't help themselves to accomplish something like that-

Casey almost risked his life protecting April from the mutagen vat Stockman was trying to fly into during, "The Lonely Mutation of Baxter Stockman" / S2 EP 16 /, and the reason I say that he was risking his life is because if that had gone the wrong way, he could have gone into the vat with Stockman himself or could've simply fell in somehow- He literally risked the entire world after Donatello stopped breathing (Presumably his Brothers would follow suit shortly after-) during, "In Dreams" / S2 EP 5 /, since he didn't know for sure that the Dream Beavers wouldn't be world ending entities (Which, this is completely derailing right now, but there was just really sweet 2012 Jonatello fanfiction that used this situation in it- Where Casey openly acknowledges that he risked the entire world for Donatello even if it would have been only for a few minutes because they would have parish shortly afterwards- Like?? I'll try to find it later- 😭💜🖤).

I know this could just be a writing thing and another glaringly obvious way the writers clearly didn't care enough about him as a character, but I feel like his lack of bringing up his personal issues or his family feels selfless-? Like, he doesn't want to weigh anybody down with his problems, so he'd rather focus on what he can control than what he can't- You know? From a canonical writing standpoint, I found this really annoying, but ignoring the writing for a second- I wouldn't be surprised if Casey felt like the guys already struggle with emotionally supporting April and her constantly absent Father enough as it was, that maybe that's why he felt like he didn't want to add on to it or something by talking about his-? 😭 (But knowing these writers, I wouldn't be surprised that they had the Turtles be complete assholes to him about it- Because "boys will be boys" or some shit. 🙃 Lmao)

I also want to talk about how Casey felt like such a fantastic friend?? I know we only have that one moment with Leo during "A Foot Too Big" / S3 EP 2 /, but even that felt like a really great moment from Casey to me? Not to mention the fact that Casey's demonstrated multiple times that he's incredibly loyal, so whenever Leo asked him to be there, he was there- Something we see in episodes like, "The Lonely Mutation of Baxter Stockman" / S2 EP 16 / (Though, maybe this kind of feels like a straw grab-? Casey and Leo don't get a lot of interactions, so I don't know what else to say- 😭)

The only reason why I say what I'm about to say is because I feel like the writers handled Casey and Raph's friendship extremely poorly, but even though Raph treats Casey like shit 9 times out of 10 during the show, Casey still views him as his best friend and still has his back constantly?? This is demonstrated throughout the entire series honestly- (This is it to say that I don't like 2012 Raph and Casey or I don't value their friendship as such a staple in the series, because it's the exact opposite-! Which is why I was so disappointed in how 2012 handled their friendship,, 💀)

Casey and Mikey's dynamic is one of the most organic friendships to come out of the 2012 series in my opinion- They were genuinely the most fun on screen and it made me want them to interact a lot more. Like have you watched the episodes, "Meet Mondo Gecko" / S3 EP 17 / and "Bat in the Belfry" / S4 EP 19 / ? ���✨

Even though Donnie views Casey as "his rival" or some kind of "threat" between himself and April, I still feel like Casey had a lot of moments where he treated Donnie with respect and as an ally / friend, despite how Donnie feels towards him being glaringly obvious- As much as I would love to give you a plethora of examples of this happening, it feels like there's too many because it's kind of a in the background / nuanced thing-?? (See the picture I put for this part-) Like, if you focus on them during episodes, I feel like you could see what I mean- LMAO

Which has always led me to have this theory that Casey never actually hated Donnie to begin with and was just reciprocating the energy that Donnie was giving him, because why wouldn't he?

But I think a dynamic that is one of my favorites with Casey in the 2012 series is his dynamic with April-

April feels like a genuine person / fleshed out character when she's interacting with Casey as opposed to when she's interacting with any of the brothers. I don't know how else to explain it- A lot of the solo scenes that April and Casey get feel so different for April specifically, and I genuinely enjoy them ! Moments like when they're riding "Kirby Bat" during, "The Lonely Mutation of Baxter Stockman" / S2 EP 16 / or that Kraathatragon / " Giant Kraang Worm" during, "The Manhattan Project / Wormquake!" / S2 EP 13-14 / or when April finally breaks the wood in half with Casey at the end of, "Vision Quest" / S3 EP 8 /, or when April and Casey are walking home from the movie theater in, "The Deadly Venom" / S3 EP 18 /- It also makes me sad at the same time though, because I feel like if the show just dropped the stupid "Will they? Won't they?" romance bullshit subplot between them, they would have just been the best of friends and that would have been the best thing ever- Like. 😭

I almost forgot to mention the amount of times that Casey was actually able to swallow his pride for his friends despite the show giving us the impression that he's an incredibly prideful and egotistical person?? The fact that he has gone to the guys for help on more than one occasion (i.e. "Fungus Humongous" / S2 EP 10 /, "The Wrath of Tiger Claw" / S2 EP 19 / though this was just him sending them an alert from his phone, "A Chinatown Ghost Story" / S2 EP 23 /, "Casey Jones vs. The Underworld" / S3 EP 14 /-) despite claiming that he's a "Lone Wolf" and doesn't need anybody's permission to act. He even calls and waits for them before acting in, "The Power Inside Her" / S4 EP 20 /. He apologized to Donnie during, "Race With the Demon" / S3 EP 6 /, something I'm sure he never thought he would do in a million years at that point- He also had a lot of technical apologies?? Like telling Raph he's "not bad for an amphibian" during, "The Good, the Bad. And Casey Jones" / S2 EP 8 /, telling Donnie he "takes back everything he ever said about him" during "The Manhattan Project (Part 2) / Wormquake!" / S2 EP 14 /. I don't know if this one necessarily counts as an "apology" per se, but the way he was so quick to claim fault and say it was his bad after he triggered the traps during, "Riddle of the Ancient Aeons"- 😭 || I also want to tie in how a lot of the episodes were Casey was the problem or the issue of the episode revolved around Casey, Casey was genuinely the one to resolve said issue- We love him for taking responsibility ! ✨

Casey is also a lot smarter than I feel the other characters and the writers give him credit for / care to acknowledge. This dude literally made his own weapons. Excuse me?? Not to mention his shoes that have hockey blades that retract?? His decked out bike?? Like bro- His entire vigilante get up is incredibly unique and innovative ! During the episode, "Newtralized!", Casey was able to deduce where to exactly shoot his hockey puck explosive into the Kraang contraption (I don't remember what that thing was called,,)- During high action / high speed (??) scenes, you can tell Casey is very quick on his feet and has some pretty natural reflexes of his own (I think a great example of this is his "fight" with TigerClaw during, "The Wrath of Tiger Claw" / S2 EP 19 /-). He was the one that came up with the idea to use pizza to distract and subdue Leo / Raph / and Mikey during, "A Chinatown Ghost Story" / S2 EP 23 /. He clearly has some mechanical experience + possible engineering prowess, given he was constantly trying to work on that busted up truck in the O'Neil Barn and is clearly capable of not only helping Donnie but keeping up with him mechanically during, "Race with the Demon" / S3 EP 6 /. THE ENTIRE EPISODE OF, "Casey Jones vs. The Underworld"?? HELLO?? The way that he did all of that on his own and nobody gave him his flowers is criminal- /hj LMAO

You have no idea how much it upset me when everybody was acting like it was "so wild" that Casey had a good idea / his input was valuable during, "Tokka vs. The World" dude- 💀

All this is to say that 2012 Casey Jones is one of the most charming characters in an animated TV series for me. He's silly, he's stupid, he's loyal- He's just the biggest lovable goofball to me, you know?? 😭🫶

2012 Jonatello side tangent- 💜🖤

Because I genuinely cannot resist putting this at the end, I love talking about Casey's "contradictions" (so to speak) as a character and how he's presented in the show because this genuinely just feeds my Jonatello obsession. Like how I was talking about Casey treating Donnie like a friend despite Donnie clearly not liking him very much for a majority of the show?? How one of Casey's only on screen apologies (If I'm not mistaken??) is towards Donnie? How 2012 has Casey and Donnie conveniently standing next to each other or being in the same vicinity as each other despite "hating each other" more than not? How if you really break down their characters, they're kind of similar? Both physically (Tall, gaps in their teeth, brown eyes-) and characteristically (i.e. Mechanics and inventions, their weapons of choice / fighting styles, they both can get pretty morbid at times but Casey's just being Casey in this instance while Donnie's trying to be "scientifically accurate", as he says, etc.-).

How during, "Monkey Brains", if you look really closely at Donnie's plan to, "Get April to hang out with him", he has hockey on that plan? (Images courtesy of me by the way, since I happened to have the official 2012 art book !) How Donnie's helmet of choice (Specifically during Season 1 but did make an appearance in Season 2-) was a hockey helmet that had the number 16 on it? You know who else has the number 16 on their gear?? CASEY. IMPLYING THAT THIS IS LITERALLY CASEY'S HELMET.

But also the things that make them different attribute to these to being a perfect match to me ! Like their love languages ! Donnie's love language is definitely more verbal / words of affirmation (Since all he does is say things that he shouldn't say about April because she's not his girlfriend and call her things that he shouldn't call her because she's not his girlfriend- Lmao) and gift-giving / acts of service (Pretty much everything Donnie has ever done for April ever falls into one of these two-). While Casey's is also verbal / words of affirmation but in a different way (Since he's definitely more flirtatious / playful-) and physical touch (Since he's always getting into April's space and being very physically close with her-). This makes sense to me, but maybe it might not make sense to other people- I just can't help but feel that everything that Donnie became infatuated with about April and Casey with April is quite literally just each other?? To Donnie, I genuinely feel like he was more attracted to the fact that she was a "firecracker" (so to speak) and did what she wanted / didn't let others tell her what to do. Something we actively see in episodes like, "Panic in the Sewers" when April actively lies to a man to get through an apartment building and Donnie responds with, "She's so cool-". With Casey, it feels like the opposite, where he was only interested in April because in his eyes she was kind of stuck up and a nerd (In his eyes-). I feel like this is enforced by their early on interacts during Season 2, specifically, "Mutagen Man Unleashed", when Casey asks April if "studying is all she does" and April points out that he likes to push buttons-

Which?? This solidifies that (canonically) Casey's method of flirting is pushing buttons, and whose buttons does he push more than DONATELLO'S?? HELLO- 😭💜🖤

I completely derailed by talking about 2012 Jonatello, I'm sorry. This was meant to just be a 2012 Casey appreciation post only- My bad,, 🥲👍 LMAO

[babydollmarauders]

ALL-STAR — JACK HUGHES (MEDIA MANAGEMENT AU)

au masterlist

notes: a long awaited insta edit release for everyone’s favorite unhinged couple!

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, trevorzegras, and 728,163 others

y/ndevils00 HE ASKED!! 💍🤍

tagged jackhughes

Load more comments

jackhughes i can’t wait to spend forever with you, my beautiful crazy girl 🤍

y/ndevils00 you may not have played, but i think this has been the best all-stars yet!

trevorzegras PLAN ALPHA-ALPHA! CONGRATULATIONS YOU LOVE BIRDS

trevorzegras don’t people usually caption it “i said yes”?

y/ndevils00 i’ve been saying yes for the past 2 years, i think people will be more shocked that he asked

jackhughes WE’VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR TWO YEARS, THAT’S A NORMAL AMOUNT OF TIME TO WAIT

trevorzegras @/jackhughes bro your girlfriend is anything but normal

y/ndevils00 *fiancée

trevorzegras that’s what you got from that? really?

user93 JACK HUGHES IS GETTING MARRIED?! it’s truly over for the rest of us 😪

john.marino97 did you just… have that outfit packed?

y/ndevils00 i’m crazy but i’m not THAT crazy… i went to a bridal store in Toronto as soon as he asked

john.marino97 yeah, that sounds about right

john.marino97 congratulations, i guess!

y/ndevils00 you’re still so lonely, aren’t you? seventh wheeling on a couples trip and whatnot

john.marino97 i might take you up on your previous offer. hook me up with one of your friends

y/ndevils00 oh, that offer was kinda not real… i don’t think i have any girl friends besides the other wags

john.marino97 you are an evil woman

y/ndevils00 you’ll find someone soon enough, maraschino! i’ll even be your wing-woman at the clubs!

john.marino97 don’t do that. no one is asking you to do that.

y/ndevils00 you didn’t have to ask! i’ll do it out of the kindness of my heart! 🥰

john.marino97 i didn’t know you had one of those

dawson1417 BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED! BES FREN HAS A FIANCÉ

y/ndevils00 I’M GETTING MARRIED! I HAVE A FIANCÉ!

dawson1417 GO BEST FRIEND! IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME

y/ndevils00 YOU’RE TELLING ME!

jackhughes i can take my ring back, you know?

y/ndevils00 no you can’t ☹️ it’s part of me now!

nicohischier congrats, you guys! i can’t imagine a couple more meant for each other than you two ❤️

y/ndevils00 awww thank you, captain slut 🥹🫶

nicohischier oh that wasn’t a compliment

ehaula HE ASKED?!

y/ndevils00 HE ASKED!

ehaula AND YOU SAID YES?

y/ndevils00 I SAID YES!

ehaula MY NIECE IS GETTING MARRIED! CONGRATULATIONS

y/ndevils00 THANK YOU UNCLE HOLLA!

user56 OH MY GOD HUGHES-CROSBY WEDDING 🔜

lhughes_06 you’ve been my sister for 2 years, i’m glad it’s becoming official ❤️

y/ndevils00 oh my sweet smush 🥹 i can’t wait to officially be able to baby you for the rest of our lives!

_quinnhughes welcome to the family ❤️ so glad i was able to be there to witness such a beautiful moment

y/ndevils00 thank you, huggy 🥹🫶 i’m so grateful to be graciously accepted into this wonderful family

lhughes_06 “ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME, JACKY? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! IF YOU’RE FUCKING WITH ME THEN I SWEAR TO GOD…”

y/ndevils00 @/lhughes_06 don’t be shy! say it all! i’m very romantic!

lhughes_06 i don’t wanna

y/ndevils00 “WE’RE NOT FUCKING ALL WEEK! THIS WOULD BE SUCH A CRUEL JOKE! YOU BETTER BE SERIOUS!” see! i’m so romantic!

e.malkin71geno so happy for you, little Crosby ❤️

y/ndevils00 thank you, uncle G! 🤍

e.malkin71geno i remember when you used to run around the rink with your little pigtails and tell us to catch you, now you’re an adult and getting married

y/ndevils00 to be fair, i think i was 17 when i told you to catch me

user70 THEY’RE ENGAGED HOLY SHIT HE DID IT

colecaufield BUBBLE AND JACK! CONGRATULATIONS!!

y/ndevils00 thank you, teddy bear!!! hope ya look good in a tux, maybe at the wedding you can finally get your own total babe like me 🥰

colecaufield and you’re so humble, what a catch!

jesperbratt congrats! wish you guys the best 😁

y/ndevils00 will you be our flower girl? you can throw whatever you want, you precious little swede-heart

dawson1417 DO I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?! DID OUR PLANS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 truthfully, if bratter says yes, then yeah the wedding binder we made is being thrown out the window and you’ll have to be a bridesmaid instead

jesperbratt i’m honored, but i don’t want to take the job away from Merc!

y/ndevils00 oh :( okay :(

jackhughes i’m sorry, you and Dawson made a wedding binder? you pre-planned OUR wedding with DAWSON?

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes truthfully, i wasn’t sure you’d ever ask, but yeah. i think you’ll like the playlist though! i’m gonna walk down the aisle to Rack City!

jackhughes that’s not happening

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes so you hate fun

y/ndevils00

liked by _quinnhughes, justinbieber, and 517,739 others

y/ndevils00 fiancé and huggy! fiancé! fiancé picking his team x3! fiancé and some guys! justin doing his best impression of me! fiancé and some more guys! sid and justin!

that’s a wrap on asg 2024! the best i’ve ever experienced! now back to Jersey to shove my ring in everybody’s face and carry on my job of sexy nurse!

tagged jackhughes, _quinnhughes, and justinbieber

Load more comments…

user72 oh y/n is gonna milk this fiancé thing with all she’s got and i’m here for it!

justinbieber nice seeing you again, y/n! wishing you and jack a long and prosperous marriage!

y/ndevils00 put the dictionary away and write some new music, beaver

justinbieber it was only like 10 years ago that you wanted my last name, don’t think i forgot

y/ndevils00 WE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT

user61 she knows…. justin bieber????

jackhughes i’m liking “fiancé” but i can think of another name that has a better ring to it 😉

y/ndevils00 i’m not calling you daddy on the internet

jackhughes HUSBAND! I MEANT HUSBAND!

john.marino97 “ON THE INTERNET”?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ON THE INTERNET”?!

_quinnhughes good times! see you in the summer, sis!

y/ndevils00 “sis” 🥹 @/jackhughes DO YOU SEE THAT?! DO YOU SEE IT? DO YOU SEE IT?

jackhughes i do, dove! i see it! ❤️

dawson1417 I BETTER BE THE FIRST PERSON TO SEE THE RING! DOES IT SPARKLE?

y/ndevils00 IT SPARKLES SO GOOD

dawson1417 GOOD! IT BETTER!

user85 y/n feeding us all the jack content!

jesperbratt it was nice having you there for my first all-stars!

y/ndevils00 you are nothing but an angel and i will hurt anyone for you

lhughes_06 come back and take care of your devil cat

y/ndevils00 that’s your niece, have some respect!

lhughes_06 she bit my nose and scratched a hole in my kith hoodie

y/ndevils00 that means she wants you to kith her

lhughes_06 i can almost guarantee it doesn’t

y/ndevils00 do you speak cat?

lhughes_06 no?

y/ndevils00 then you can’t guarantee shit

[houdinicarpenter]

NSFW Alphabet | Sam Carpenter x Reader

a/n: i've seen so many people do this. @michiganstray did it for tara, so i promised i'd do it for sam 🫡 (you really need to share yours, nylah... please. don't make me look bad in front of my friends 😬)

──────── GIF is not mine

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Sam’s very attentive to your well-being. She’ll always ask if you’re okay and double-check it with a “are you sure?” if/when you say yes. If you ask for something, she’ll get it for you. Otherwise, she stays caught up in the intimacy, wanting to stay close to you. She likes to cuddle, her vulnerability already cut loose long enough to keep her guard down, so cut-and-runs (or quickies) are rare. p.s. depending on how messy things get, she may prefer to take a shower after sex.

b = body part (favorite body part of theirs and of their partner’s)

Sam’s favorite body part(s) of her own are her arms, because she likes the way it feels when you run your hands up and down them, especially her upper arms. Their toned definition gives you direct contact to her muscles, which relaxes her when they’re caressed. On you, Sam’s favorite body part(s) are your eyes. The first thing she notices about someone is their eyes. They say the eyes are windows into the soul, and she takes that to heart. She loved to get lost in your eyes, as if she were meeting you for the first time and falling in love all over again.

c = cum (anything to do with cum basically)

Sam has a full understanding of what cum is and why it happens. Because of this, she doesn’t believe in the “ask for permission” trope that’s often interlaced in sex. If it happens, it happens. It can always be cleaned up.

d = dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Sam used to agree to have sex with random guys she met on the street, at bars, etc. just to distract herself from reality. These times hit its peak after she left her home at 18 and when she, Tara, and the Meeks-Martin twins first moved to New York. It was a coping mechanism, but she isn’t proud of it and actually has visible damage down there because of the severity some of those reckless sessions were.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Sam is very experienced and knows exactly what she’s doing. She has experienced sex in many different ways, both enjoyable and not enjoyable. However, this isn’t to say that she doesn’t get lost in the moment when she’s with you, someone who she truly loves and trusts. If this is the case, she runs on autopilot, not fully aware of what she does, how she moves, and how it's perceived.

f = favorite position

The standard position of top & bottom (or dominant & submissive) is what she’s most familiar with and most comfortable with; however, given the right place and time, she may take to other positions.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

For the most part, Sam is a serious, in-the-moment kind of person during sex. She doesn’t see sex as a daily routine thing or a mindless act of desire. It’s a mutual act of trust and romanticism. She became this way after she broke her toxic cycle of doing it as a distraction, and shortly after, she met Danny. And Danny showed her how it should be done and why. But she does have her playful moments, especially before things intensify, when she’s much more outgoing and likely to say and do some careless shit.

h = hair (how groomed are they?)

Mostly, if not fully, clean-shaven all the time.

i = intimacy (how romantic are they in the moment?)

Very. Like stated previously, Sam takes intimacy to heart. She gets lost in you, like she’ll never love you again.

j = jack off (masturbation)

Sam never masturbates, she never has. The idea of it has crossed her mind, but it never felt right to actually try it, even if it was just to experiment. However, it’s easy to tell if/when she’s struggling with her sex drive. She becomes restless and—if you look closely—you can see how she gets shaky.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

Sam has no known kinks.

l = location (favorite places to do it)

Sam isn’t big on publicizing her intimate relationship with you. Because of this, she prefers making out in a private, non-open-to-the-public area. Places like your apartment/house, the bedroom, on the sofa (when it’s just you two alone in the apartment/house) are all preferable to her. Public bathrooms, showers (even though it’s private), and in the car, don’t make her feel secure and private enough to let her guard down.

m = motivation (what turns them on?)

Kissing her neck and/or collar bone is a good instigator, but touch really stirs her sex drive. Squeezing her hips and/or thighs drives her crazy, and so much as grazing her pelvis—specifically the sensitive skin in between her hips—makes her go feral, though she’ll do her best to fight it.

n = no (something they won’t do; a turn off)

Anything with bondage, blindfolding, or of the captive/captee dynamics. Knife Play also makes her uncomfortable, given she’s still on edge with being so in-sync with her father aside from her survival instincts and bloodlust.

o = oral (preference in giving, receiving, skill, etc.)

Sam’s not a fan of oral sex. If you have a desire to do it, she’ll give it a shot for you, likely being the one to receive it rather than give it, but it might take some convincing.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual is more of Sam’s taste, considering she’s had many fast and rough sessions in her rebellious—dare I say, feral—years (pre-movie Scream V). Like said previously, she doesn’t see sex as a careless activity to do whenever. When she was with Richie, they did fast and rough often, so it reminds her a lot of him. Now it was rumored via Sam that it was difficult for him to get aroused—or “hard”—however, when he was stimulated enough, he wrecked Sam. She hates remembering those nights and how much of herself she gave him, so much so that she’s scared of even trying it hard and rough again. 

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies; how often, etc.)

Again, Sam doesn’t like quickies, even though she used to participate in them. Knowing what she knows now, they seem immature, like doing them are abusing the purpose of what sex is supposed to be.  (I know this is controversial, so if you have a problem with this, just skip over it please 🙏. This is my interpretation on Sam’s character.)

r = risk (are they down to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Sam is definitely a risk-taker, but she never tries anything new without your permission first. Consent and respect is something Sam values the most in the sexual experience of a relationship. She is open to experimenting, so long as you both are on the same page.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go? how long can they last?)

As one would expect, Sam’s got a high level of stamina. She’s willing to go as many rounds as you want, regardless of how tired she is. But you’re always able to tell when she’s wearing out because of how sloppy she’ll get. She won’t even realize it, but you do and if/when it gets that far, that’s when you’ll usually call it a night.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? If so, on their partners or themselves?)

Sam only owns one toy that she had been given from a bad influence a long time ago. She’s never used it on anyone, but she’s had other “partners” (that weren’t officially/legitimately hers) use it on her. She hasn’t “used” it since she met Richie, but she still keeps it as a reminder to what she never wants to go back to.

u = unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

As much as Sam appreciates the intimacy and traditional make-up of sex, she is up to date with how it has spiced up, and having said that, she can be a fox at times. She’s not afraid to tease you into getting aroused or wanting her to speed up the process, especially when leading/holding the upper hand (dominant position). She knows when enough’s enough though and will respect your boundaries however you make them.

v = volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make? etc.)

Sam’s somewhere in between quiet and loud. She’ll start off quiet and will try to fight herself when it’s getting overwhelming and she wants to get louder, but she never gets so loud, to the point where she needs to be warned to keep it down.  Sam’s a big moaner—it is what it is. But she also sighs a lot and has a tendency to growl, especially when the ecstasy kicks in and she’s trying to bite back a loud, desperate moan when you hit a sweet spot, inside or out.

w = wild card (a random headcanon of them)

Forehead touching makes Sam soft, she loves it.

x = x-ray (what’s going on under their clothes?)

Sam’s pretty toned, as anyone could see by looking at her arms in a tank top. She’s not sharply cut so that every angle has her abs popping or thighs as tough as diamonds, but there’s no questioning her defined toning when you run your hands over her clothed or unclothed figure.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

On a scale of 1-100%, Sam’s sex drive is about 70%. For someone as private and hard-of-trusting as she is, she’s up for getting down. This isn’t to mistake her for being careless as to who she does it with or how quick her drive is to kick in. That 30% is on strict default, until you come into the picture. 

z = zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

Sam needs to calm down from the thrill before she’s able to fall asleep. What calms her the most after sex is holding you or you holding her and listening to your breathing or heartbeat. Knowing the moment of trust, security, and love hidden between the two of you is important and reassuring to her. Give or take, she’ll be asleep in 20-30 minutes after a session.

all my best!

- parker (HOUDINICARPENTER / BWS) 🖤

[confiaenanaa]

OOOOOO ANOTHER M&M WRITER?????

ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!! ANYWAY, I'M JUST HERE TO SAY MY THANKS CUZ I'M GLAD SOMEONE ELSE IS WILLING TO WRITE FOR EMINEM 👀, back to my real intention (hehe), may i request (if you're open, if not you can discard this request) an f!reader with 90's marshall an age-gap around 1-2 or no age-gap, your choice, and the reader was just having an amazingly bad day, while her boyfriend just ruins it even more for her. after their biggest ever argument, reader just ends up wanting to break up with him, in which he agreed and she just stormed off somewhere private and dark but calm for her to listen to music and cry, but then there's marshall spotting her in the corner all by herself. and him, as her best friend, of course wouldn't let the little lady be alone. n then she just kind of started aggresive at first, but moves on to give up and cry while cuddling marshall after a bit more of interacting with the silly blonde guy. he always have great advices for cases involving love, especially for reader, but when it comes to him actually falling for reader? now that's a special case. he'd sometimes give an obvious advice that led to giving hint that he wants reader be with him. (ex: "maybe u can date someone blonde hotter than him." something like that) YOU GET ME YOU GET ME????????? SPECIAL SONG INSPIRATIONAL: TREAT YOU BETTER 🔥🔥🔥🕶️🕶️ ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL OF MY PROMPT, THE REST IS UP TO U, EITHER ENDS UP WITH SMUT OR FLUFFFF 🤭

eminem - friends to lovers

fem!y/n x Marshall Mathers

masterlist

synopsis: Y/N and Marshall are best friends. Y/N goes through a rough breakup; and her best friend is there to help her.

warnings: cursing, smoking

A/N: first request! I hope you like it. if there's any feedback you have let me know!

Y/N pulled into her driveway, sighing after a long day's work. She’d had a terrible day, truly one of her worst. She’d requested a raise from her boss, which she was denied; later, she spilled coffee all over herself and her car on her lunch break. She’d botched her presentation and possibly lost the deal of a lifetime. Her coworkers seemed to be extra annoying, and most of all, her boyfriend, Jack, couldn’t let her relax for one day. She’d received the seventh passive aggressive text from him just as she was turning the key to her front door. 

“Why haven’t you gone for groceries yet? I thought you were going to get me my favorite sour candies.“ 

At this point in her day, she just needed some peace. Maybe a facemask, some ice cream, and a movie. However, just as she’s setting her bag down on her desk, she hears an irritated sigh behind her. She turns to look at him, displeased as ever. 

-Why are you being so bitchy today? All I asked for were my sour candies.

She felt a surge of rage through her body. How dare he call her that? 

-Bitchy? What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve clearly had a rough day, so can you just lay off my ass and let me relax for a bit?

-Why the hell do you need to relax?! All you do is bitch about your job and sit on your ass all day doing nothing and making jack shit!

He’d begun to scream in her face. At this rate, it’d take only one more syllable out of his mouth to make her go catatonic. 

-At least I have a job! And I’m not just some squatter mooching off his girlfriend and sucking the life out of her! 

She knew she’d struck a nerve. He’d recently lost his job—one that he’d really loved. She saw his face contort from rage to hurt to a mix of both.

-Is that how you really feel? Fine! Then I’ll go and suck the life out of someone else since I’m such an inconvenience to your life!

-Yeah! You should! Get the hell out, Jack! And take your shit with you!

He’d looked a bit shocked. By the end of the night, he’d been packed up and moved out. Y/N sat down on her couch and popped open a bottle of vodka. She decided to text her best friend in search of some comfort. He’d texted back almost immediately. 

“I’m sorry to hear that you guys broke up. If you want, I can come over and bring your favorite chocolates and stuff.”

She’d smiled at the message. She told him to come over as quickly as possible. When she put her phone down, the feeling of grief hit her like a truck. It washed over her, covering her from head to toe. She felt the tears flow down her cheeks freely. She suddenly wanted to sink into the couch and not come back out. She didn’t regret her decision, but she’d certainly mourn the loss of a loving figure in her life. 

Just as she began to allow her thoughts to wander, she heard a knock at her front door. She opened it and saw her bleach-blonde best friend. He had a wide grin on his face as he held up the Walmart bag full of snacks and skincare. They were watching a movie, a random one; at least, to Y/N. She couldn’t pay attention; she was too busy thinking about her breakup and the thousand other things overwhelming her at the moment. She’d excused herself, telling him she was going to the bathroom. Instead, she decided to go to her spot. In her backyard, there was a small hill. On the other end, there was a pond with ducks and trees, and she always had it to herself. She sat down near the pond, pulling a cigarette out of her pocket. She lit it and inhaled. 

Just as she was about to light her second cigarette, she heard footsteps behind her.

-Hey.

-Hi.

-You feelin’ okay?

He asked as he took the cigarette out of her hands and hit some himself.

-Kind of. I just don’t really know what I’m feeling. I’m not regretting it, but I’m sad.

-I get it. But the best way to get over things is to move on. Don’t keep thinkin’ about that shit, or you’ll get caught up in it and things’ll get worse.

She realized he’d been right (like always). He looked up at her with hopeful eyes.

-Let’s go back inside and just chill, yeah?

-Alright.

She laid down in her bed, Marshall quickly following suit. She looked around her room, beginning to think about the weight of what just happened. She felt the tears pricking her eyes again. Marshall felt her tremble and heard a sniffle, so he just held her close and whispered reassuring words to her as he stroked her hair. 

-Look, you don’t need a guy like that.

They both sit up.

-Oh, yeah? And what kind of guy do I need?

She asked, keeping up the silly banter their friendship always maintained.

-I don’t know—maybe a hot blonde guy that actually cares.

She giggled and hit him on the shoulder; she thought he was joking, until she looked him in the eye. She saw that he meant it. Y/N froze for a second; did she really want her best friend? Did he really want her? She didn’t really have time to answer since he’d already had his hands pulling the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss...

[toysrguts]

smiling friends headcanons!! :D

i have smiling friends brainrot

allan:

•wine is his de-stresser. after a long shift he likes to go home and sip on a glass of wine while watching shit TV like some kind of cool guy

•doesn't smoke cigarettes often but will bum one off of charlie sometimes during their breaks

•bites people he loves :)

•perhaps his dr. monsters appointment with dr. monster was an appointment to assess him for OCD

•very very particular about the way he likes things and hates unexpected change in his routine

•also a math god he's like a walking calculator

•always helping other people reach things that they cant

•he has to be like 6’3 or something probably

•autism be damned my boy can work a grill (he can cook really well)

•in fact hes often the one cooking meals for the other smiling friends

•he also lovessss to garden its one of his favorite hobbies

•he grows his own vegetables to cook with and flowers to decorate his home :)

•i feel like this man would get down to some queen or duran duran

•he’ll listen to pretty much anything but i feel like he would gravitate towards 80s classics

•used to own a car that he loved but it broke down and he never bought another one

•went to school for engineering and started volunteering at smiling friends after graduating as kind of a placeholder job, but loved it so much it became his full time job

•cheese is his safe food

•had to wear glasses when he was younger but felt like they deterred the ladies so he switched to wearing contacts

•probably drinks black coffee like a fucking freak

•either that or he adds oat milk

•hes pretty anxious and freaks out a lot and will also snap if he has sensory overload

•wears noise canceling headphones a lot cause too much noise drives him insane

•HATES fabric touching his skin but will still wear a tie cause “it’s classy” and will wear clothes if hes out in public

•once took a trip to france and almost didnt come back cuz it was like cheese heaven

•goes clubbing during some of his nights off and is a karaoke GOD

•also goated at chess and gets heated during a game of scrabble

charlie:

•definitely sneaks a cart into work every day

•if allan didn’t cook this dude would go into debt from ordering takeout every day

•was raised mostly by his uncle cause his parents werent always around, and they're more like really good friends now that hes older

•grew up poor and had a pretty hard childhood overall but he doesn't dwell on it too much

•relieves his stress and frustration by terrorizing people in fortnite lobbies

•the smiling friends hq is air conditioned 24/7 per his request, he's heat sensitive and sweats EXCESSIVELY

•uses axe body spray to mask the stench

•his living conditions are depressing to look at, the only furniture in his apartment is a mattress and an old camping chair he borrowed from his uncle years ago

•also probably owns a shelf dedicated to lego builds

•he spends like 90% of his time in his bed if not working

•his morning routine consists of waking up disoriented asf, throwing on some clothes laying on the floor, forgetting to brush his teeth and walking out the door

•was exposed to shock sites wayyy too young

•acted out and got in trouble a lot in his adolescence but now just likes to keep to himself for the most part

•believe it or not he was baptized as a baby

•started caring about life a little more ever since experiencing hell

•feel like he likes music his uncle showed him as a kid, maybe judas priest and whitesnake type shit

•doesn’t even have to say anything when he goes to salty’s cause hes a regular and they know his exact order

•thats a bisexual man if ive ever seen one

•the hat hides his receding hairline lul

•has a fat ass surgical scar on his nose from when james ripped it off

•wears the same beat up white adidas shoes and got in highschool

•owns one of those “dubstep, weed and jacking off” shirts

•hes an only child but pim is like a brother to him

•had a family dog growing up and is a dog person overall

pim:

•begs to play roblox when anyone else is playing video games in the office

•curls up into a ball when he sleeps

•also will freak out without a night light

•his room is definitely littered with stuffed animals

•grew up watching mlp (g1) and probably still owns some pony figures

•and says “hello everypony!!” when entering a room

•played a LOT of browser and flash games as a youngster like club penguin and moviestar planet

•genuinely finds beauty in everything i wish i was on his level of joy and whimsey

•would totally listen to vocaloid and would totally go on a super long tangent about how its so cool and holograms are so cool

•also has a collection of light sticks and miku plushies and definitely kisses his miku poster goodnight

•i feel like he ate paint chips as a child

•craves social interaction cuz his parents had a rocky marriage and were neglectful and his sister treated him like shit when they were kids

•his sister would tug on his nerve ending when she got annoyed

•having a rough upbringing and dysfunctional family is what pushed him to start working for smiling friends, hes genuinely passionate about making people smile and just wants to help people who are in bad situations like he was

•prone to panic attacks :(

•sings little songs to calm himself down

•flails his arms or jumps around when hes excited

•still uses pool floaties when swimming lmao

•also still loves to dress up and play pretend as an adult

•mmmmm loves sweets what is a nutritious meal?????

•wore glasses growing up but just kind of stopped for some reason probably cuz his eyes are fucking massive

glep:

•chronic cyberbully-er

•tells people to kts in his gibberish language when they annoy him

•has most likely caused several wars across the globe

•puts whatever he wants on the tv and then hides the remote and watches everyone fight over who took it

•small but lets out the most diabolical burps imaginable

•is fluent in every single language on earth and probably space too

•absolutely brainrotted from that ipad he wont stop watching skibidi toilet

•unties peoples shoes when theyre not paying attention

•little guy has never known sobriety in his life

•has so many random ass pictures and videos saved on his tablet

•hes like a little vlogger

•if someone says or does something he doesnt like he’ll probably hire a hitman on them

•definitely has access to the deep web

•hates gardening but will help allan out with it once in a while for something in return (like a grilled cheese or some weed or something)

•also will sit next to allan while hes cooking so he can eat all the scraps

[rubywingsracing]

It is with great honor that I present OUR Winner of the 2024 Hungarian GP…..

the man, the myth the legend:

Oscar Jack Piastri!

This is by far my favorite piece I’ve done so far and I’m so so so proud of the way it’s turned out, I put so many hours of pain and pure focus into this one to get it done by tonight.

I feel a kinship to Oscar as an oldest sibling and the way it feels to have something you’re passionate about that is uniquely your own that you can’t be compared to your siblings in(either by yourself or others). I also relate to his clear drive and passion for what he does, the way he puts his head down and gets shit done, he works hard and he doesn’t always get the recognition for it, which made me so incredibly sad on Sunday to see that first victory celebration podium, moment of pure wonder and revelation overshadowed by McLaren’s inability to manage a racing strategy at a professional level. But I think we’ve talked enough abt that what we should be talking more about is what an incredibly skilled and remarkable man this 23 year kid is growing into. Truly cannot wait to see both what the rest of the season and his career have in store for him! Congrats Osc! Never stop being your sarcastic, bashful, kind and humble self!

💀Not me writing a pseudo love letter to a man who doesn’t know I exist💀

Pls do not repost or use this work without my explicit permission thanks!

Tags: @formulanni

[effy-writes]

Blitz: ABC’s of Intimacy

i’m posting my old stuff on here!!

•Aftercare (How do they look after you after sex)

He mainly just lays in bed and cuddles you. Nothing too crazy, he just lays there and listen to you talk and vice versa. He's not really into aftercare, but he does it for you.

• Body Part (Fav body part)

Boobs, he's a sucker (ha) for boobs. Groping, flicking, licking, sucking your nipples, he loves it.

•Communication (Do they talk during sex, roleplay, etc)

He's a huge talker and super into roleplaying. He mainly likes to roleplay as cowboys but is up to do whatever you want roleplay as.

•Dirty Secret (A secret they won't tell)

He's lowkey into you degrading him. He found out by accident whenever you yelled at him for accidentally cumming in your eye. Sometimes he gets on your nerves just so he could be yelled at by you.

•Experienced or Virgin

Super experienced, before yall got together bro was fucking like once a day.

•Goofy or Serious

Mainly serious in bed, but if it's just casual sex he'll say some dumb shit like, "I wonder if M&M are fucking right now." And you'll just reply with "Well I'm pretending I'm fucking Moxxie right now." And yall will just go back and forth

•Favorite Position (self explanatory)

He's a sucker for doggy. Pulling on your horns, hair, tail, he loves it. (Same with pegging)

•Hair (pubes shave or natural)

He's trimmed

•Intimacy (Their romantic level during sex)

It depends on what kind of day he had. If he had a pretty good day he's pretty romantic. Candles, music, all of that stuff. If he's having a shitty day then it's not as romantic but you can still tell he loves you.

•Jack off (How often)

Pretty often. Whenever you're not there he usually jacks off in the bathroom and thinks about you.

•Kinks

Choking, roleplaying, bondage (giving and receiving) He's not vanilla whatsoever. (But is willing to be vanilla if you're not up for it).

•Location (Fav areas to have sex)

Mainly his office, but he also loves doing it in the shower and on the couch. But office 100%

•Motivation (Their turn on's)

Whenever he sees you killing the targets. M&M have to pry him off of you basically. Also whenever he sees you wearing one of his shirts wearing no pants.

•No's

He doesn't have a lot of no's. The only thing is that he's against dressing up as clowns and roleplaying as them (because of his past)

•Oral (Give or receive)

At first he prefers receiving, but after that encounter with Verosika he was willing to give you oral, and ever since he loved it.

•Pace (Slow, gentle, rough, hard, fast)

Again, depending on what type of day he had. Sucky day, hard and rough, good day, slow and gentle. He's also willing to do whatever pace you would like.

•Quickie

He loves them. He always asks for a quickie every day (and if you're willing to do one).

•Risk (What things he's willing to do)

Anything and everything. Living world, the headquarters, on a fuck ton of drugs, in public (if you're up for that)

•Stamina

Pretty high, he can go how long you would like. After sex, he would need a couple of hours to recover, but after he's willing to go again.

•Toys

He loves them. His favorite one is using a vibrator on you. For himself he loves using a vibrating buttplug.

•Unfair (Teasing)

Definitely unfair. He's really into edging. But once you beg him to stop he'll happily obliged.

•Volume

Normal amount of volume. He's not extremely loud. Mainly just grunts and some moans.

•Wild (Are they animalistic)

Very much so, but not all the time. It depends if y'all are roleplaying and what yall are roleplaying.

•X Ray (What's in their pants)

7 Inches in length but slim. Its the same color as his skin and he has some "spikes" like the one his his back. It doesn't hurt at all and it gives you more sensation.

•Yearning (High or low sex drive)

Pretty high. If he's depressed then it's quite low and he's kinda embarrassed by that. But you're by his side and reassures him it's okay.

•Zzz

He typically stays awake if it's during the day. But if it's late at night he'll stay awake for some minutes before finally falling asleep.

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

you do historical au right? So how about a Villainess who actually is a regresser but she saw too much hardships in her previous life that this time she's all set on herself (you can add revenge or not if you don't want). A tyrant disguised saw her real self which is extremely kind to general public (she built orphanage, hospital and schools for her people) (she's the heir but got scammed in previous life, so she used all that knowledge to get even more riches with beneficial businesses so she's practically richest aristocrat). She's evil and rude on the looks (because she hates limelight and does all good will anonymously). So yeah. The tyrant is real deal evil and he's obsessed with our Villainess now. Oh dear. What a plight..

Sorry for the request being all over the place, i didn't know how to put it better :(

Yandere! Villain x Regressor! AFAB! Villainess! Reader

Anon, you know how to capture my attention. And the request is comprehensive, don't worry!

Another historical AU for the roster. This time, rather than starting off with the villain, let's start of with the MC/you! (Because most of the time it doesn't really focus on the ML now, does it? Hope you don't mind.)

Yandere! Villain name: Eros

You don't remember how you got here, except for dying by a stupid woman who can't aim for jack shit.

You just got home from a grueling day's work. Always getting ahead of yourself and working yourself to the bone just to please your boss who's a major asshat, and loves when his employees curry favors with him.

It's a dog eats dog world, so you curried favors with him.

You're his favorite employee. Always giving you snacks and an extra day for your vacations. But that meant working harder than what's needed. Overtime, going home late, it drained you. But hey, it's worth it.

Yet, this wouldn't happen, and you would still be living like a young princess if it weren't for the damn mistress your fiance, the crown prince, has.

Elysia, a daughter of the baron, spent the night with the crown prince, Yuno. Earning the affection of the prince since...

Actually, you don't remember how Yuno became infatuated with Elysia.

Is the fuck really that good that Yuno neglected his fiancee?

And you, the daughter of the second Ducal household (who's not related to the royal family, of course) was blinded by rage and betrayal that you made Elysia's life a living hell.

Erm, why not the crown prince's too, then?

Remembering your past life made your head hurt. From the cliche love story down to the way you were treated made you scream to the oblivion.

After all, after Yuno figured out how you treated Elysia, he made your family kick you out. Powerless against the royal family, they had no choice but to exile you.

You got employed by your employer by then, an eccentric man who spoke of other worlds called 'Earth' and is bringing 'modern day capitalism' here. Whatever that means. But hey, he developed these things called 'cellphones' that made him skyrocket with money.

He's a weirdo, but at least he's easy to please.

But the bitch Elysia "accidentally" blasted light magic to your way, killing you instead of an assassin. Great.

But, then, you're only the minor villainess. The main villain was someone named Eros. The other Ducal household and your father's rival.

As young as 16, he already conquered the ducal household he's in and then, 6 years later, he had wealth rivalring that of the royal family's. Heck, maybe even surpassing it.

"Hello? Where's the checks and balances of this world?" That's what you usually ask yourself.

You never saw him outright, since he's always been so busy. But you clearly remembered when you're in and out of a coma back then after you got struck with the magic, a war broke out due to him.

Fortunately, you regressed into a baby still, so you could avoid being engaged to Yuno, and being involved with Elysia.

Growing up again with your mature mind was weird. Unlike last life, you weren't a brat, but a proper, cold, and an unattainable standard of what a noble woman should be. Well, if you exclude the coldness and the bitchy attitude sometimes.

In all honesty, your family loved you dearly. A clear contrast from your last life. You're a role model, perfect in every way. Beautiful, smart, talented, and shows clear interest in politics and business.

The previous life, you were only a mouth to feed with a pretty face and a political pawn to integrate yourself into the royal family.

And as usual, you got engaged to the crown prince, much to your dismay.

Yuno was easy to read. He doesn't like clingy women, and he likes the chase. He's dumb, and only knows how to spend money.

"Ah, he's worthless."

What did you saw in him in the previous life, really?

Since you were unattainable to Yuno, he became attached to you. Wanting to conquer you.

And you always returned his advances with a flick of your fan and covering your face with a glare with your sharp eyes.

You're the thorned Rose of the Kingdom. Beautiful, yet prickly. It brought you to the limelight, but also, not. Due to you being closed off, news of you rarely get out.

So in the free time you had, you always disguised yourself with your dark magic and filled up your own coffers with the help of your knowledge of business last life (from your employer.)

You built hospitals, made schooling accessible... You were basically the saintess rather than Elysia.

Oh, did I mention that Elysia, with light magic, was the saintess, and you with dark magic was the prophesied Villainess? It's complicated.

But right now, with Elysia failing to bed Yuno in his crown prince coronation, due to him being only attached to you, you were free to do what you want while thinking of your next plan.

What you didn't know is that a certain pair of crystal blue eyes followed you.

You walked along the street of the outskirts of the Kingdom, inspecting the newly built school.

You just got out of the ducal household and immediately went here after being confronted by Elysia once more, who "accidentally" stumbled into the chateau and into you and Yuno. Can she get more obvious, really?

You never used your dark magic here in the outskirts since you felt safe in the people's arms. They never judged you, nor used you for your money. They're just glad more and more accessible facilities are being erected by the young lady.

While walking around, you got into the councilor's office who's busy with enrolling the children. He's the chief of the town, and is one of the few people who graduated fully back in the capital.

He graciously accepted the position of being the councilor after you approached him, since you genuinely wanted to help the outskirts.

You saw children happily playing around while the parents lined up, excitedly talking to one another.

When they saw you, they immediately curtsied and said hi.

"My lady! Hello!"

G-greetings my lady..."

"Oh my stars! It's the lady!"

"Look over here, my lady!"

You giggled and decided to mingle with them more, talking about mundane things in life and what other facilities can you put here.

"Okay, so a shopping center, huh? Okay, that's noted. Also, I think a gymnasium would work well also, so that there will be a place where all of you can have meetings, and also have children play."

They all excitedly nodded and bid you goodbye as you went out.

You felt like yourself here in the outskirts.

Maybe you can convince your father to give you this part of the territory, and your brother can manage the main household?

Your thoughts were interrupted by children pulling your skirt to play, cheekily grinning and playfully pushing a ball up to your arms. You grinned and chased them around, roaring loudly like a monster and pretending like you're a dragon.

The giggles and screams of delight of the children filled the lively streets, along the chatter of the townspeople.

"Sir? Are you okay? What are you looking at?"

"..."

Eros' eyes widened, then softened as he saw you, chasing the children around, playing with them and not minding the dirt clinging to your outfit.

He gulped, suddenly feeling his heartrate pick up as he cleared his throat. Red flushed his cheeks, as foreign yet also the familiar feeling of infatuation filled his heart.

The noise that surrounded him faded into the background, and somehow, everything seems so bright and colorful. All he could see is you, and you, and you...

You...

You...

Beautiful, thorned you.

Eros.

The name itself sends shiver down the spine of people.

Of fear? Love? Or arousal?

He's a man of few words, only letting his actions talk to other people.

Such an otherwordly beauty like him garnered unwanted attention since he was a child.

Other than being extremely handsome, he's also very talented with politics and business, also with physical activities like horse riding and hunting.

Due to this, his mother developed a twisted inferiority complex, and also an almost incestious relationship with him.

She always hurled words that hurt his soul and emotions.

Then she'll hug him while saying sorry.

This cycle would continue on and on until he's 16.

It was supposed to be a joyous day, not until his mother forced himself on him.

Disgust, fear, and rage filled his body that time, and all he remembered is awakening his dark magic and consuming his mother.

After that, he was knocked out cold.

When he woke up, he remembered his past life on Earth.

He's a business man of such a high position, CEO.

He clawed out of his way from poverty. Stealing, investing, selling, he did everything just to get out of the clutches of being a plebian.

And, when he struck gold when his stationery business thrived, his genius made it possible for him to talk to investors and convinced them to invest in his work.

God, he's rich.

And once he reached the age of 24, he's a rich man.

Then he died due to being assassinated by his rival.

With now his previous life in his roster, he became a formidable business man. Eccentric even.

By some weird cheat, he developed cellphones.

Something so revolutionary was first met with skepticism, but it boomed in popularity when his friend, the crown prince Yuno, bought and used it.

it was weird, really. Yuno approached him to employ his ex fiancee in his company and take care of her.

Eros, who didn't mind, employed you.

Sweet, lovable you.

It was funny seeing you struggle to curry favor with him. Not used being the one who had to try to get close with him. The way you struggled to hide a frown when he mentioned over time, the way you hide your disdain when he talks about extra work...

God, you're so cute.

He spoiled you in the best he could do. Extra vacation days, snacks, all he could do without being too obvious.

Then you died.

You... Died.

By the hands of his friend, well, ex-friend's mistress.

Elysia.

That damn bitch doesn't know her place.

Then and there, his eccentricity died down, and all he knows is revenge back then.

You were in and out of coma, and seeing you swim between life and death made his heart roar out in pain.

He felt so helpless seeing you pale and vegetative, something that wasn't you.

So, with a soft promise leaving his lips, he waged war in your honor.

He fought blood, sweat, and tears in your name.

All he could think is you.

All he could see is you.

And as he ignored Yuno's plea, he beheaded Elysia.

The damn bitch raised the notion that dark magic users are evil, despite dark magic being only an another element.

She turned the tides on you.

Why should she live?

Yuno also. He betrayed you.

Once the royal family was dead, he brought your comatose body to the throne, and killed himself with you at the throne.

He made you ingest poison, something that doesn't cause pain to your already pained body.

Meanwhile, he killed himself by striking a sword down to his chest, and to his heart. The very same heart that loved you dearly.

Then he woke up,

a child again.

Back in time.

Getting away from the busy bustle of the ball, you got out to the garden and sighed. Letting the cold air bite into your skin.

Dread filled your heart as you realized once more that Elysia was nowhere to be found, and so did Yuno.

Your nerves got to you and you left the scene, overthinking the worse of the worst.

Did Elysia actually bed Yuno successfully?

Albeit just a bit late?

You covered your mouth, shaking dreadfully. The pain of your last life was getting to you once more. Trauma trembling you to the core.

"My Lady? Are you okay?"

A deep voice broke you out of your reverie. Something so silky, smooth, and familiar.

You turned around, your heart pounding as you saw your employer, Eros. He's dressed in noble clothes, gold, black, and blue.

He looks more uptight and strict this time around. What happened? Why does he look like that?

You never connected the dots, since you thought your employer and Eros were two different people.

But this?

Your heart trembled.

"G-greetings, your lordship." You curtsied, fighting back a frown just like how you did with him last life.

"You're still the same as ever."

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing." Eros waved his hand.

This life, Eros was more brutal than the previous life. He exposed his mother, a pedophile who touched him and stole money from the household, letting her get beheaded by a rusty axe in the middle of the colosseum. After that, he joined the interkingdom war, and won it much earlier than before.

He's basically a warlord. A tyrant to his territory who imposed such strict rules that you doubted yourself if this was the same Eros you knew.

You both silently stood in front of each other before he took off his coat and gently draped it on your shoulders.

"It's cold out here, my lady." He whispered. His long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked.

He inhaled your scent, his lips trembling.

He missed you so much.

His precious rose.

He gently brought your hand to his lips, kissing it softly and lingering there, with his eyes screaming obsession.

His grip was strong yet also loving.

It made you blush.

"My Lady, if my friend, Yuno, hurt you, approach me."

Your eyes widened.

"Approach you?"

Eros smiled. His handsome face blinding you momentarily.

"Yes, i'll help you take revenge."

Eros eyes swiftly looked at the balcony up above.

"Like this."

Eros swiftly dipped you and kissed your lips.

God, you tasted so divine upon his lips.

His tongue delved into your mouth, sweeping and tangling with your much more timid ones. He cupped your cheeks, bringing you impossibly closer to him.

His eyes were glaring at Yuno back at the balcony, who was naked on their bottom half with Elysia, shielding you from the scene.

Yuno's eyes widened, and he hastily dressed up, his eyes boring into Eros', and you.

This life, he'll protect you from pain.

He'll protect you from Yuno and Elysia.

He'll burn down the ground for you.

Just say the word.

---------

Hmm, twist upon twists. I love it. HEHEHEHE

[hijackalx]

ASTARION NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

hes such a dick if ur a one night stand LMAO understandably tho. understandably..... but yeah if hes not really feeling u he just kind of dips out after coming up with some wack ass rehearsed excuse to protect ur feelings. totally different story if he loves u though. i feel like he gets sooo lovey-dovey post nut OMG like soo much praise and so many kisses. post nut clarity with his S/O consists of him enjoying the many wonders of the world 😭😭  that shit will have him watching the sunset

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

i think he likes his hands. i mean its one of the things he can see so like. but they are really nice. long and nimble fingers and smooth palms. his hands look like poetry lowkey. anyway if ur AFAB he loves titties. any titty. loves to mark them up and watch them bounce while u ride him. if ur AMAB its ur shoulder/collarbone area especially if its dainty and delicate looking but regardless he wants to bite around there. youll see him looking at them a lot

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he wants to come on ur face or inside u. his two go-tos. if hes about to nut he'll ask u really quick which u want and u have like 3 seconds to answer LMAO. takes a while to get to that point tho so u have some time to think about it beforehand 😭😭

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he got hard asf the first time u let him drink from u LMAOO he walked away and jerked off IMMEDIATELY

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

hundreds of years of experience is enough for me yeah

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

oooooooooooo gurl. ugh hold on theres so many it could be. ok so theres two. 1. he likes to sit u in his lap (the back of ur head on his shoulder or maybe even sitting sideways with ur legs off the side ??? idk however yall want) and finger/jerk u off. it makes him feel sooo in control 🤤 and 2. he lovesss eye contact so any positions where he can stare into ur soul 👁️👁️ yall why am i only seeing missionary rn...... or planking i guess lol

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

i think hes pretty serious. he might even get pissed off if u start acting too goofy lol like hes playful but not going to start cracking jokes 😹😹

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

this pains me to say...... but i dont think elves get body hair if any (like canonically)....... but i think its weird to be completely bald so im going to say hes got a little bit of pubic hair, armpit hair, and of course leg/arm hair. its just not very long or thick. he basically never has to trim or anything

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

my boy is a romantic at heart yall. will kiss u a lot and hold u very close. i think its rlly important for him to have some sort of emotional connection thru sex.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

honestly dont feel like he ever does normally LMAO when u reject him or push him away during the first romance scene and he says he'll go beat off i think hes just saying that to make u feel bad 😹😭  when u let him drink from u it was probably the first time he jerked off in a longggg time. i can see him thinking hes above doing something like that lol so its an ego thing

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

ok did u guys see the little church looking building at the first campsite in act 3??? i think if yall were to smash there he'd never forget it. like something about that turns him on so much. probably bent u over the altar. even after u guys are long gone he still thinks abt it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

suck on his fingers omg. but also really likes to use sex to put u in ur place so if u guys argue or just dont get along at some point he will use that as a build up to sex. so he will purposely push ur buttons A LOT. cuz its like, how dare u raise ur voice at him ?? 😤

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

if u dont go along with what he wants to do he kind of gets pissy after a while. he only ever really wants to be in control and thats it. also wont do anything extreme or ridiculous either 😭😭 anything that makes him feel humiliated is a big no

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

for AFAB like ive said before he is the self-proclaimed coochie eating champion of faerun. sooooo good at it its not funny. will also kiss it and leave more kisses/bites on ur thighs. makes u feel like ur coochie is the most divine coochie in the world LMAO omg also will want to eat u out every time ur on ur period......... i think thats like one thing he will absolutely beg for OOP

if ur AMAB its basically the same just with a dick lol

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he can do both. probably likes to be a little rougher than most people though

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

yeah if hes in the mood i can see him scouting the area for a place to smash LMAO which probably happens pretty often. doesnt mind giving up the romantic aspect as long as yall still fuck for real every once in a while.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

i think he would need to be convinced. willing to hear u out at least

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

TOO LONG. HE LASTS WAY TOO LONG. i mean after u been suckin and fuckin for that many years how do u not take forever to nut 😭😭  u will get urs tho dont worry. also perfect situation for u to have multiple orgasms so dont get discouraged besties 🤘🏻

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

allllll the timeeeee. he wants u to need him more than anything else before he fucks u. u need to need this man like u need oxygen. like a fish needs water. like a plant needs the sun. like a

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

grunts and groans but when he gets closer to finishing he'll start moaning. he doesnt make an effort to stay quiet but also wont do anything embarrassing 😹

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

emmmmm i wanna say he can go a pretty long time without sex. but if he has a partner he is sexually attracted to his libido can be pretty high. but lets remember he is getting into his erectile dysfunction years ☝🏻 JOKINGGGG LMAO

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

well he meditates technically. but he gets into that lil meditation pose fast as fuck boy 🧘 do not interrupt him either he'll be grumpy 😭

[wchswift]

more about:

ㅤㅤㅤSILVER BULLET!READER

introducing lucky's personality... get to know more of her—quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and stubborn as hell, she doesn’t take orders and sure as hell doesn’t take shit. she stands her ground, protects what’s hers, and if she has to put someone in their place? she’ll do it with a smirk and a well-placed insult. there’s no hesitation in her, no second-guessing—she sees a problem, she solves it. end of story.

𔓘 Lucky doesn’t bleed red. Not exactly. It’s darker, with a faint metallic sheen. The first time she’s wounded, Dean sees it and goes still. She just shrugs. “Guess old habits die hard.”

𔓘 Some symbols have meaning. A protection rune carved into her collarbone, a sigil for true aim trailing down her forearm, a circle at the base of her spine that Dean swears looks like a bullet wound, the W carved into the back of her neck. She doesn’t remember how they got there, but sometimes, she feels them—thrumming beneath her skin, reacting to magic like a long-dormant instinct waking up.

𔓘 She’s got an unnatural stillness to her. She doesn’t fidget, doesn’t tap her fingers or bounce her knee. When she’s sitting, she’s completely still, as if movement is something she has to consciously decide to do. Dean notices. He watches the way she just… exists, like a blade waiting to be drawn.

𔓘 She has a sharp personality. Blunt, dry-witted, and unafraid to tell it how it is. There’s no sugarcoating with her. If you ask a stupid question, you’ll get a sarcastic answer. If Dean’s being reckless, she’ll call him out on it. “Really, Winchester? Thought you had at least two brain cells left.”

𔓘 She has a habit of standing between danger and Dean. Even when she doesn’t need to. Even when she knows he can handle himself. It’s instinct—deep, unwavering, like something in her core demands she protect him. He hates it. She doesn’t care.

𔓘 She doesn’t know how to be human. Eating is strange, sleeping is stranger, and emotions? Terrifying. The first time she cries, she’s so confused she just stands there while Dean awkwardly hands her a napkin.

𔓘 She doesn’t sleep much. It's weird to her. Lucky doesn’t sleep easily. She was meant to end things, not dream. Nightmares come instead—memories of hunts she never lived, of blood, of the weight of Dean’s hands loading her into his gun. She’s not used to being vulnerable, to closing her eyes and trusting the world won’t shift under her.

𔓘 Cold iron burns her, just slightly. Not enough to hurt, but enough to remind her where she came from. Silver feels… comforting, in a way she doesn’t understand.

𔓘 Her humor is as dry as the desert. Sarcasm, deadpan delivery, and an ability to make even the most serious situations feel absurd. The first time she makes Sam laugh against his will, she smirks and says, “Huh. Thought I was losing my touch.”

𔓘 She loves food—but doesn’t get why. She actually prefers drinks, alcoholic or not. Her favorites involve Coca-Cola, she loves Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Jack & Coke… She never needed to eat before, so tasting food for the first time is weird. She doesn’t have a favorite yet, but she does know she hates marshmallows. Too soft. Too… unnatural. Her favorites are sour and spicy. Dean finds this hilarious.

𔓘 She isn’t used to kindness. Not because she was mistreated, but because she was never meant to be treated like anything other than a weapon. When Sam lends her a book, when Dean casually rests a hand on her back, when someone cares—she doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

𔓘 Dean is her person. She doesn’t say it. Not outright. But he’s the one she trusts without hesitation, the one she looks for in a crowded room, the one who makes her feel something other than the constant hum of instinct and purpose.

𔓘 She doesn’t believe in fate. She was made for one thing, and yet, here she is—human, alive, something more. If fate existed, she wouldn’t be. So no, she doesn’t believe in it. But she does believe in choice.

𖤐 reblogs and feedback are appreciated! requests are also welcome, ty!

linas notes: heyy finally posting more about my sweet girl!! sorry it took me so long to post this ugh, I promise I'll post more about her and apple pie!reader soon. <3

this is part of @daylighted object!reader movement (go check it out) 💋

special tags for some moots participating: @daylighted @blossomingorchids @sunsbaby @bejeweledinterludes @soldiersgirl @rositaslabyrinth @cowboysandcigarettes @h8aaz (let me know if you wanna be added!)