#I love them all but they need help

[satandoesntwannabehere]

erm hallo 👋👋

have some doodlez !!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[maudiemoods]

WAAAAAUAGRGGG!!

I love them so so so much!! AURGG!!

[sea-webs]

"I don't know who I want to be, anymore."

Oc - Cirque | The Dragon Chosen by the Shadows |

| mary oliver / franz wright / chelsea dingman / mary oliver / sue zhao / can't find :( / can't find :( / i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth. - sciencedfiction / little weirds - jenny slate / the unabridged journals of sylvia |

[cuntchuck]

sorry i havent posted for the last day of chilaios week, i wish i could describe better why i havent been able to finish the last drawing-

my best explenation:

if anyone knows how to deal with this please help, i am in desperate need of it.

[kala-mies]

We'd play our parts and be people later

[milkchocimono]

??????????

[sysig]

Blind side (Patreon)

[shepscapades]

This one was a freaking doozy. If I keep talking i think i may be in trouble

[kindaasrikal]

Do you think Cole used to help Nya with feeling comfortable in her own skin again and feeling flesh and bones, as well as acting alive again, whilst also helping her keep her form and be more conscious and sure of it after merging with the sea, simply because he gets it?

Ghost Cole you will not be forgotten.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Sometimes I think about when Minthara first joins camp after you save her from Moonrise. She sits in her tent, alone at night, surrounded by strangers who she believes have every reason to kill her. She sits there paranoid, feeling that they will just kill her at any moment for any reason. You have earned a small sliver of her trust, but not completely. And she goes along with you and everyone because she really doesn't have much of a choice. And it's not like her fears are unfounded, some of the companions do state their reservations about her when she is first recruited (and one of the companions actually does want her dead if a certain datamine ever gets added to the game).

She only comes to completely trust you when you allow her to read your mind. But, it doesn't clear her of any paranoia with the other companions. She only trusts them because you trust them, and she trusts you.

In spite of this paranoia and fear, she is still willing to risk her life to protect them and save them from whatever trouble comes their way. Even if she won't admit it, she does care about all the companions in camp. Yes, even the wizard. But she feels that none of them will ever lift a finger for her and will let her die when she needs help the most.

One of the many reasons why Orin kidnapping her is so heartbreaking. Because ALL of the companions want to go and save her and get her back from Orin. And one of them is extremely outraged and pissed that Orin had the audacity to take her Minthara away from her. The one time the companions show unanimous love and support for Minthara, she isn't even there to hear it. If only she knew how much they wanted her back, she would probably stop being so paranoid of them.

And she attends the reunion party still thinking that nobody likes her and they all hang out without her. When in reality, they all love her. She is surrounded by people who love her, and she thinks they hate her and are still plotting to kill her. And it's all because she wasn't there to hear how much they do care about her.

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

[vaggieslefteye]

HUSK, Hotel Bartender & Concierge | 1x04 - Masquerade

"Oh, I FORGOT — you're the wise-old bartender who's seen it all! Get the fuck over yourself and pour me a real drink."

[illuminiscentboba]

[he needs you...tell him he's only human]

k. akaashi comfort fic

tw: akaashi experiencing an depressive episode and he's finally letting you give him the love he deserves during it

check out: are you wearing my merch?!

many things come to mind when akaashi keiji is brought up; for instance, the words helpful, considerate, always has a back up plan for any situation that concerns those he cares about.

but he's only human you remembered thinking last week when you were searching for tissues to clean up the coffee you knocked over, akaashi already a step ahead, having procured the tissues from his bag, asking the waiter for help before you could blink. he really was prepared for everything.

to be loved is to be known and boy does he know you to a T. he knows your habits and silly mannerisms and makes you feel seen and heard. in most of your pictures together he isn't even looking at the camera but you instead. his dark aqua eyes seem to follow you, curious and interested in the framework that you define yourself with.

its cute and charming that he knows what you like and love and remembered even the smallest details and preferences of yours. he is never greedy with his affection but sometimes it worries you.

it worries you when he feels sluggish and his mind becomes cloudy. when he pushes you away as another slump takes over him. you wonder if he just needs his alone time and sometimes thats what he needs but other times he tries to hide himself.

"please don't look at me" he says when you walk in without knocking. normally he doesn't mind but during these slumps he can't take care of himself the way he normally does. he can't help the way he feels judged when you slowly blink at him and the mess of the room. the mess he is. his hair is a mess, its been another day of not brushing his teeth, he already contemplated going back to bed with piles of clothing stacked around the room.

he pushes himself deeper under the blankets as you pad over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed. "baby, whats wrong?" he sinks deeper under blanket. "i'm a mess." he says miserably.

"so? you've seen how crazy i can look when i'm sick and even when i'm not." he knows that...of course he knows that he knows the cues before your depressive episodes and when to give u space and how to support you with cuddles, eating breakfast together with you on the bed and him in the chair in front of your bed.

but this isn't the same. he's supposed to help you, be considerate and know what to do. taking care of his loved ones is something he's good at, it makes him feel secure, and warm inside to see their smile, to hear their thanks and tell him he's the best.

but he can't be that and when these slumps dictate his week or weeks, he feels the shell of himself, unloveable...like a burden.

so he's been trying to hide it, to hide himself and that part of him from you. but you know, how could you not?

"akaashi i love all of you. the sleepy akaashi, the lively akaashi, the grumpy akaashi, the chatty akaashi, the silent akaashi, the anxious akaashi, the sweet akaashi, the messy akaashi, the witty akaashi." he rolled over now, head and shoulders pooking out of the futon.

you were telling the truth, a fond smile on your lips, the warmth of your words reaching your eyes. you mentioned so many different sides to him, some that he tried to hide and others that he never really thought about before.

"you do?"

he knows you aren't lying but it feels weird, rather uncanny to be appreciated without doing anything. he didn't do a single thing for you in the last few days but yet you've been making surprise breakfast for him, tidying his desk and leaving notes for him, telling him he was cute and handsome. its funny that your words made him feel handsome and better when he was well aware of the state of his appearance.

"of course I do." you stroked his futon covered limbs, itching to hold him. "you don't have to do something for me to prove your worthy of my affection."

his eyes glazed over, a silence falling as he processed your words. you rose from your place on the best, wrapping your arms around him.

so far for most of his life thats how his world would opperate. by doing favors for his parents that they didn't ask for and thus being rained with warm, doing the less desirable work for the team, even relecutantly taking on class duties when people would ask him to, even strangers knew of his innability to say no and how much he cares for others.

his previous partners rejected this side of him, annoyed with his slip ups in their routine, his messy state and coldly didn't accept his attempts to make it up to them, adding to this feeling of worthlessness that would plague him.

every time he went out of his way to make it up to you it was almost like gift exchange. with how much you crossed his mind, he crossed yours and it wasn't long before you were presenting him with stuff he liked, objects that reminded you of him, matching objects, snacks, you name it.

there were less onsided screaming matches at his house, instead hesitant conversation where you two would talk about your feelings and things you liked to be resolved. you asked that he stop trying to make it up whenever he did something wrong and he has, but he still spoils you instead with random affectionate gestures instead.

he let you hold him, fighting the strong urge to struggle out of your reach, does he smell, he feels sticky and gross and he doesn't want you to. your grip tightens, almost as if you've read his mind.

"we're here for each other keiji, i'm here for you on your rough days and your here for me, we're a team. so please don't struggle all by yourself."

right, a team. he forgot that there wasn't supposed to be an imbalance with the roles of teams. every player matters.

"I'll try." he murmurs into your shoulder and you stay like that for a bit, finally letting go to pepper his face in kisses. "i missed my cutie sooo much." why cant he realize that he's still so fine to you, regardless of how messy his appearance gets? that he's still the sweet, cool sexy individual you know, even with the mood drops, when his mental health declines.

"productivity doesn't define you! you define yourself."

"you're only human, baby." you inform him, dodging the hand trying to prevent you from kissing him. as much as he adores you, its summer and maybe staying under his blanket wasn't a good idea with the way the perspiration was sticking to his body.

"y/n please, i really need a shower, i feel disgusting". you let him settle out of the bed, helping him find clean clothes to change into.

"despite that, you're still my super sexy and handsome husband." you remind him, giggling at the blush on his face. even his sulking is cute, you think to yourself as he heads to the washroom, upset that hearing you call him sexy and husband will probably forever rile him up.

note: i might publish the same kind of fic but with reversed pov's? or might make this into a series?

[pallanophblargh]

I was recently extremely blessed in being able to finally see one of my “bucket list bugs” as I’ve started calling them. (Not a real list, as I’m never one to be organized…)

But a friend alerted me to the presence of this big beauty and J gave me a leg up to take a closer photo with my measly phone camera and subpar photography skills. I found some eggs she had laid on the wall and I scooped them up in hopes I can look after them. She hung around with her admirers for a good half hour before deciding she’d lingered long enough and flew off into the literal sunset.

Cecropia moth, Hyalophora cecropia, largest moth species in North America. Bug haters, don’t interact!

[legend-had-it]

a sanji that takes care of zoros swords when he cannot

and a zoro who cooks food for the crew when sanji can't