#I love the friends I've made here so much and when I think about not seeing them every day I just want to cry
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heavyhitterheaux · 19 hours ago
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Bodyguard (NSFW)
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"Honey, honey, I could be your bodyguard."
Synopsis: You and Joe elope after being engaged for only 24 hours. The goal was to tell everyone when the two of you were ready, but it doesn't exactly work out the way that the two of you intended.
Pairing: Fiancé!Joe Burrow x Fiancée!Reader
Requested by: a gorgeous anon 😘💕
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
Do Not Engage If UNDERAGE
Your head was laying on Joe's chest as his arms were wrapped around you in a tight embrace. It didn't take long for you to fall asleep after the two of you had gotten back home from dinner where Joe had proposed to you in front of your closest family and friends.
He had been planning this for a while and wanted to keep it simple, just how he knew that you would like it. You weren't one for dealing with the spotlight and didn't like a lot of attention on you, the same way he was.
Grabbing his phone, he quickly unlocked it with his passcode that happened to be your birthday and saw that the time was around two in the morning. Putting his phone back down, he saw you pop one eye open to look at him and he quickly leaned down to kiss your forehead.
“Being a creep now are we?” He asked you as you laughed at him and sat up letting the comforter and sheet fall away from your naked body due to the activities that took place before you had drifted off.
“What? I can't look at my handsome fiancé whom I love so much?” You asked as you pinched his cheek.
“Of course you can and I am never going to get tired of hearing you say that.” Joe responded while playing with the engagement ring that he had slid on your finger just hours before.
It took him almost an entire six months to get the design of the ring up to his standards and made sure that it was a design that you would approve of too. It was funny when he thought about it because in order to get your opinion, he would show you different designs and ask what you thought. However, you really truly didn't think anything of it because Ja'Marr had also been planning to propose to his long time girlfriend and you assumed it was Joe asking you for him.
You looked at him as he did it and knew for a fact that the wheels in his head were turning.
“Joey, what's the matter?”
Once he heard your voice, he looked up at you and continued to play with your ring before he answered you.
“Would it be crazy for me to say that I want us to be married already?”
“No, not at all. I can't wait for the day that my last name changes officially. We have to start planning. Big wedding or small wedding?”
“What if you didn't have to wait? What if we made it a reality and you became my wife in the next twenty four hours?”
Straddling him, your eyes suddenly went wide as your arms wrapped his neck and stared at him, not really knowing what to say.
“Um, Joey….”
“We can hop on a plane in the next few hours and make it happen. Make it a little getaway that leads into our honeymoon.”
“So, you want to elope?” You asked again, making sure you were hearing him right.
“For my short answer, yes. I don't want to wait any longer. I've been holding onto your ring for a while and it literally took me six months to design it because I know how picky your ass is.”
“Our parents are going to be mad as hell about that. And you love me all the same, including my pickiness.”
You could just hear your parents now throwing a fit about you and Joe not saying anything to them.
And your siblings
And your friends
But deep down when you thought about it, why should you even care? You were getting married to the person in front of you and as far as you were concerned, his opinion was the only one that mattered.
“And? They'll get over it and we can always do something here once we get back. I want you all to myself and one way or another, I always get what I want. And I do love your pickiness even if it gets on my nerves sometimes.” He whispered against your lips before kissing you.
“And we don't have to tell anyone either until we want to.” He added before kissing you again.
“But what about Destinee? She was going to be my maid of honor.”
Joe couldn't help but to roll his eyes.
“Especially not her! Baby, I am in no way, shape, or form telling you what to do but I literally HATE her and she's not a good friend to you.”
“Joey! Hate is a strong word!”
“I know and I'll repeat myself. I HATE her. Since we're talking about her, you know she tried to come onto me tonight? AFTER I PROPOSED with her witnessing the entire thing! Only reason why I invited her is because you like her. Because left up to me, her ass can choke. Your parents don't like her either!”
You crossed your arms and looked at him dumbfounded.
“She wouldn't do that, babe.”
“Oh, but she did. Ja'Marr wasn't paying her any attention but I don't know why she got the bright ass idea of coming over to talk to me. Why does your best friend think she can pull a move on me with her funky ass breath? Besides I am CLEARLY spoken for.”
“JOSEPH!”
“I had to interrupt her to give her a piece of gum because her breath was hot enough to burn off my eyebrows. I'm surprised I still have any to be honest.”
Failing miserably, a laugh escaped your mouth as you shook your head at him.
“I'll ask her about it and you probably interpreted that wrong.”
“Make sure you have a piece of gum on standby, can't have my future wife dying and leaving me. Cause of death, stinky breath by her so-called best friend. You probably won't even need for me to bury you because her breath by itself will probably cremate you.”
“I literally CANNOT with you.” You told him as you shook your head and began laughing all over again.
“Yes you can and you better get used to it since you said yes to marrying me. No take backs.”
“Wouldn't dare think of doing that in a million years. Now where are we going to do this? Vegas?” You asked but turned up your nose at the same time.
“No. Definitely not. That's where everyone goes. I want us to be different. We can always go somewhere that we can also have our honeymoon.”
“I like that idea. I want beaches and sand. Somewhere warm.”
“Hmm…. So I can fuck you on the beach? Good idea.” He whispered in your ear as he placed a kiss directly underneath it.
“Yes, but I was literally not even thinking that.”
“Shit, I was and I have no problem admitting it.” Joe told you as he shrugged.
“I noticed with your little nasty ass.” You teased and he sent a small smirk in your direction.
“You weren't complaining about it a few hours ago when you were riding my face.”
“I… touché and I got it! Barbados! That's where we can go.” You excitedly told him and it looked as if he was thinking it over, but quickly agreed with you.
“Okay, Barbados it is. I'll get everything together and you go to sleep.” Joe told you as he kissed both of your cheeks and your nose before placing one on your lips.
“But..”
“I got it handled, my future wife needs to go to sleep. I'll wake you up when we need to get ready to head to the airport.” Joe told you as you nodded and laid back down on his chest.
He quickly wrapped his arm around you before using his other hand on his phone to look for a hotel for the two of you to stay at while also planning to make a few calls to get the two of you on a private jet. He finally decided to rent a vacation house so the two of you would have more space.
He was more than halfway done when you did a sudden movement and his eyes immediately looked down at you to make sure that you were okay and you were once again looking at him.
“Baby girl, I thought I told you to go to sleep?”
“Yes, you did but for some reason I keep waking up.” You whined as you shifted to make yourself more comfortable.
“Hmm, you need me to help you out with that?” Joe asked as he set his phone down in order to give you his full attention.
Looking back up at him with a smirk, you quickly nodded knowing what his version of helping you meant.
“But you need to use your words to tell me exactly what you want.” He told you as he flipped the two of you over and you were now underneath him.
“But you already know what I want.” You breathed out as he began to nip at your neck and moved further down.
“Say it or I'm not going to do anything and make you get to sleep on your own. Now I'm going to ask you one more time. What does my fiancée want me to do to her?”
“She wants you to put her to sleep.”
“By doing what?”
You didn't give him an answer before you felt him move down further and spread your legs apart while running his fingers across your folds, teasing you.
“By doing something like this? Or hold on, maybe you meant this?” He asked and you quickly felt his tongue make contact with your core as you let out a gasp.
“Yesss.”
“Hmm, yes what?” He asked you once more as you felt his tongue once more on you.
“My fiancé is teasing me and I don’t like that at all.”
“Then my fiancée needs to use her words and tell me what she wants.”
“I want your face between my thighs.”
“Good girl, now see, was that so hard for us to do?” Joe was trying to get an answer out of you as he made himself comfortable in between your thighs just like you asked him and began to play with your folds quickly slipping two fingers inside you making your breath hitch in your throat.
Joe didn't bother waiting for an answer and immediately began to pleasure you with his tongue paying special attention to your clit as he increased the pace of his fingers.
“Shiiiit, keep going.” Was all you could let out as the grip that Joe had on your legs became tighter making sure that there was no possible way for you to move away from him and at this rate, that was the last thing that you wanted.
One of your hands quickly found its way to Joe's hair as you were ultimately trying to pull him even closer even if by now it was damn near impossible.
You riding his face earlier wasn't nearly enough for you to be satisfied and the way your body was responding quickly let him know. As soon as the two of you had gotten into the car from leaving dinner earlier, you had been teasing each other during the entire ride home and barely made it inside before clothes were being ripped off from each others bodies.
Inserting a third finger, Joe began to suck on your clit harder making your upper body squirm because your lower body was being tightly held by him.
“Baby, oh fuck. I'm close, so so close.”
Hearing this, Joe decided to stop which quickly left you confused and he immediately heard your protest since you wasted no time in telling him.
“Joey, what the hell!? I said I was close, why did you stop!?”
“So I could do this.” He told you as he climbed back up your body to kiss you while also sliding into you at the same time with a gasp erupting from you.
Your arms quickly wrapped around his neck as he moved in and out of you at an even pace with him kissing you every few strokes.
Closing your eyes, the grip that you had around his neck quickly became tighter and you soon heard his voice.
“Keep your eyes on me and don’t make me ask again. You understand?”
Your eyes opened and listened to directions, but the head nod that you gave him in response was not sufficient enough. He immediately broke his embrace from you and you felt one of his hands wrap around your neck which instantly made you open your eyes and look at him as he lightly squeezed giving just the right amount of pressure.
“Didn’t we just have a conversation about you using your words when I ask you a question?”
“Yes.”
“Then you need to do what you’re told and stop disobeying me. Because I will stop altogether and make you use your vibrator.”
“You wouldn’t…”
“Go ahead and try me, baby. It’s your choice. Now your eyes better not leave mine. Matter of fact, get up here and ride me.”
Joe didn’t wait for an answer from you as he flipped the two of you back over and you were in the original position that you had been earlier in the night.
Putting his hands behind his head and staring up at you, he smirked.
“You don’t need my help since you like disobeying me, go ahead.” He answered your question already knowing exactly what you were thinking.
Nine times out of ten, Joe would have a tight hold on your hips and help guide you as you rode him, but you knew that you being rebellious against him made him decide to make you do it on your own.
“But babeeee.”
“Less talking, more riding.”
Placing one of your hands on the mattress beneath the both of you and lining him up with your entrance, you slowly eased your way down making a quiet moan escape from Joe’s mouth.
Once you found the perfect pace for the two of you, you could feel yourself growing tired and switched from your right hand being on the mattress to your left thinking that it would help.
Joe could tell that you were growing tired with how your movements were slowing down and took pity on you as you felt him grip both of your hips.
“You need some help, baby?”
Nodding your head, Joe motioned for you to lay down on top of him and as your head was resting on his shoulder, slow deep strokes were given from underneath you as you were moaning right next to his ear.
“That’s my good girl, you’re doing such a good job, baby.”
That familiar feeling that you knew all too well was building and knew sooner rather than later you would hit your peak. Joe obviously was close too, because his movements had now grown sloppy.
“Babe.” You softly breathed out and you could feel him nod his head as yours was still on his shoulder.
“I know, I know. You’re almost there aren’t you? You gonna cum? You gonna cum for me, baby? Cum all over daddy’s dick?”
No words left your mouth as you felt a gush of liquid leave your body and cover him underneath you and not even ten seconds later felt him release inside you.
You laid in the same position for a few minutes as Joe placed soft kisses up and down your neck and shoulder as you were trying to catch your breath.
Once you felt that you could move, you once again turned your head to peek one eye open at Joe and he smiled at you before leaning over to place several kisses on your lips.
“I know you want to lay on me and stay like this, but I need to change the sheets so we can finally go to sleep. Go ahead and take a shower while I do this and then I’ll come join you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise and then in a few hours we’ll wake up and get married in Barbados.”
The two of you had just touched down in Barbados an hour ago and you were currently exploring the beach house that Joe had rented for the both of you. Seeing as he told you not to worry about anything and that he had it handled, when you finished exploring you were simply going to decide on what you were going to wear since the goal was for the two of you to get married by the end of the day.
While in the master bedroom and looking out the window, you didn’t hear Joe come in the room and he was simply admiring you from the doorway before walking over to you and wrapping his arms around you from behind as he rested his chin on your shoulder.
“You like it?”
“Yes, I absolutely love it. I asked for somewhere warm near beaches and my future husband definitely took that into consideration. This beach house is amazing.”
“Oh, so your picky self approves?” He asked and you playfully rolled your eyes.
“Yes, I approve.”
“Good, so start getting ready so we can leave and go get married.”
“I still have to figure out what I want to wear, none of the dresses that I have are really ‘get married in’ worthy.”
“Hmm, you could always go in nothing, I’m not opposed. That would be better for me actually.”
“JOSEPH!” You exclaimed as you turned around to look at him.
“Hey, I just gave you another option.” He replied as he held his hands up defensively.
“But, seriously, baby. I do not care what you wear and I know that you’re going to look beautiful regardless.”
“Aww, you love me don’t you?” You asked and Joe immediately nodded his head and leaned down to kiss you.
“I love you so much because if I didn’t, I would not let you put your cold ass feet on my back when we’re in bed because you’re cold and refuse to wear socks.”
“I cannot wear socks when I sleep! It’s weird!”
“What?! How is it weird?! So you’d rather turn me into a popsicle?”
“Yes, and I will not be discussing this topic further. Happy wife, happy life, Joseph Lee. I know you’ve heard that saying before so prepare yourself.”
After taking a shower and putting on your coconut scented lotion, you slipped into your soft pink sundress and began to play with your hair as you tried to figure out what you were going to do with it, style wise.
It was already in boho knotless braids and since it was obviously warm outside, you opted to put it into a high ponytail. Once it was up how you wanted, you applied light make-up and slipped in your big hoop earrings.
Sliding on your sandals, you heard Joe’s voice behind you after a whistle had escaped his lips.
“Look at how beautiful my fiancée is, just like I expected for her to be. I see you decided to not go along with my idea of what you should wear or not wear.”
“And get arrested for public nudity in a foreign country? I think not.”
“They have nude beaches, I looked into them.”
All you did was roll your eyes at him as you found your tennis bracelet that Joe had gifted you a year prior and attempted to put it on your wrist. Joe noticed that you were having some trouble and quickly put it on for you.
“Thank you.” You told him as you pinched his cheek.
“You’re welcome, babe. Now let’s go and get married.”
Laughter could probably be heard at least three miles away as the two of you were enjoying each other's company while relaxing in the hot tub that was located on the side of the vacation house rental.
You tried to control it so wine wouldn't spill everywhere as you held the glass with your left hand that now had your full wedding set glistening as the sun had just fully set.
“Joey, cut it out! You are going to make me spill this!”
“Hmm, wouldn't be the first time tonight either.” He told you as he swiped it from you and drank it in one gulp as you looked at him in disbelief.
“BABY! You owe me another glass. Your drink is over there!” You whined as you playfully hit his chest.
“Do you want some?”
“No, I wanted mine!”
“I'll go and get it under one condition.”
“The only condition that is necessary is that you'll get it because I'm your wife.”
“Oh, so you're already taking advantage of your name now being Mrs. Burrow, huh?”
“Yes, so go get it for me.” You told him as you pointed to your wine glass that he was indeed still holding.
“And to think you said the bottle looked like it would be considered girly wine.”
“It's good! I wasn't expecting it to be that good. But I'll get you another glass on one condition that I have.”
“And what's that?”
Joe didn't respond, but instead leaned forward to kiss you.
“Okay, now I can go.”
He slid you to the side of him since you had been sitting on his lap to get your refill for you. Joe had made his way back into the house when your phone began ringing and you saw that it was your best friend Destinee and quickly answered.
“Destinee!” You exclaimed since you still couldn’t contain how excited you were.
“Hey, where are you?” She asked not bothering to return your enthusiasm.
“With Joe. Why do you ask?”
“Did you forget that we were supposed to go out today?” She asked and even though you couldn’t see her, you had a feeling that she had definitely rolled her eyes at your response.
“Shit. It completely slipped my mind. I’m sorry about that.”
“Well we can go out later. How long are you going to be with him?”
“Destinee, can you keep a secret? Like you cannot tell anyone what I'm about to tell you.” You whispered into the phone trying to make sure Joe couldn’t hear you.
“Of course I can. What is it? And why are you whispering?”
“I'm in Barbados.”
“Uh okay?”
“And we just got married.”
“YOU ELOPED!?” She exclaimed and you had to pull the phone away from your ear.
“Not so loud! But yes and you have to promise not to tell anyone. I figured that my best friend should at least be one of the people who know about it before anyone else. You’ve been there for the long run and have always supported me through everything.”
“Who else knows? You said, one of the people.”
“No one else does and we'll tell everyone once we're ready. But I hear Joe coming back, talk to you later and I'll send you pics.”
Quickly hanging up the phone, you set it to the side of you as Joe was all smiles as he emerged from the house and handed you another glass of wine.
“Your drink Mrs. Burrow.”
“Why thank you, Mr. Burrow.” You replied as you took a small sip and Joe was climbing back into the hot tub and once again slid you into his lap.
His arms completely engulfed you as you slightly turned to lay your head on his shoulder.
“I have a lot of things planned for us to do tomorrow, but the majority of those plans don't require clothes.”
“And why am I not surprised?” You laughed as you shook your head and took another sip.
“I have to take advantage of being able to spend time with you because you know how busy I'll get during the season.”
“It's your job and I will not be getting in the way of that. I've supported you this long and it's not going away any time soon. I'm here for the long haul obviously.” You told him as you gestured towards your ring.
“I just never want to get so focused on my career that I lose you in the process because when it is all said and done and I’m not playing anymore, I still want you to be at home waiting for me.”
“Babe, if I haven't left yet, what makes you think that I will? I know how important it is to you and you have always treated me like a priority ever since we got together. And I'll still be here when you retire from playing. You manage to have football and me as a priority and neither one is slacking, I promise.”
“And if you ever feel like I'm not doing that, you need to tell me. You are one of the most important people in my life and it's going to stay that way.”
“I promise that I will even though I know that I won’t have to.” You replied before a yawn quickly escaped your mouth.
“Someone tired over there?”
“A little, it’s been a long day after all. I barely got any sleep since SOMEONE was too busy keeping me awake.” You responded while giving Joe the evil eye.
“And as I recall, my now wife specifically asked me to put her to sleep so I don’t want to hear it. But come on, you can finish your wine after we get comfortable in bed.”
“And no funny business! I actually want to sleep.”
“I promise and besides, I want you to sleep too in order to be ready for me for tomorrow.” Joe told you as he wiggled his eyebrows.
“I swear you get on my nerves.”
“Hmm, you weren’t saying that when I was eating you out last night and you need to get over it, till death do us part remember?”
“Don’t push me, Joseph.” You scolded as you finally stood up to climb out of the hot tub with Joe right behind you.
“Just calling it like I see it.”
When you had finished showering and moisturizing your hair, Joe had briefly left the bedroom to do only God knows what so you took it as an opportunity to text Destinee one of the pictures that you had taken of the both of you earlier in the day. Once it was sent, you put your phone on do not disturb and plugged it in to charge on the nightstand as you slipped under the comforter.
Joe came back a few minutes later and crawled in bed beside you as you instantly moved to lay on him.
“I’m happy we did this.” He whispered as he held your hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it.
“Me too.”
The next morning, the constant vibration of Joe’s phone instantly brought him out of his slumber and he sighed in annoyance. Glancing down and seeing that you were still sleeping with your braids failing out of your bonnet, Joe smiled to himself as he placed a soft kiss on your forehead.
He figured that he should answer his phone since it was probably important and was surprised to see a bombardment of texts and calls from different people as he did his best not to wake you up. Instantly confused, he opened the most recent notification and it was from his mom Robin with a photo attached.
Mom- Since when were you two going to tell us that you eloped?
“Shit.” Was all Joe could mutter to himself as his stomach dropped. He did his best to not make any sudden movements, but quickly failed and that instantly woke you up.
“Baby? What’s wrong? Why do you have that look on your face?” You asked Joe as you sat up and rested your back against the headboard and he quickly handed you his phone without saying a word.
Your eyes instantly went wide as you read the text over and over again and looked at the picture that Robin had sent.
“Shit. How did they find out?” You asked as you turned towards Joe who now had his jaw clenched in frustration.
“Hmm, I should be asking you that, Y/N. You took this picture and only had it on your phone, so why is it now all over social media?”
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m00nl1ghts1vt · 17 hours ago
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Alright, I love you - Chris Sturniolo
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Pairings - bf!Chris x fem!Reader Summary - Chris stays out longer than expected, making your insecurities come to light. Warnings - established relationship, mentions of cheating, strong language, fluff, angst?? W/c - 994 A/n - I haven't proofread this yet. Just something I put together while I was at work today lol. I was finally able to get into my inbox last night but I only see one of them so if you sent a request in, please resend it 🥲 Masterlist Most Recent - Positive Top Liked - Pierced II Current Series - City of Love II
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“Hello,” Chris’s voice is raspier than normal. It was pushing midnight, and he had been out since dinner. Normally, you wouldn’t care too much but he just got back in town a couple days ago, after being away for a week, and it was late. You missed your boyfriend and the fact that he prioritized his friends over quality time with you made your blood boil. You were livid.
“Where the fuck are you?” you seethe into the phone, trying to focus on the background noise. Faint music played, but there were no signs of a female presence, only masculine voices to be heard. “I’m at the guys house,” he speaks louder into the phone. His response earns a scoff from you, “yea right Chris. I’m fucking stupid.” You clamp your bottom lip between your teeth, running a hand through your hair, “you’ve only been in town for a couple days. I swear to God if you’re with a bitch-”
“There’s not any bitches here. I’m playing the game with the guys, chill.” It’s obvious that Chris was trying to keep his tone cool, calm, and collected. He had a hard time balancing this social life and his relationship, oftentimes picking his boys over quality with you. Chris moved you into his house a few months prior, in hopes it’d help your relationship. He wasn’t wrong, it helped a tremendous amount, but you were just a girl, and you had your insecurities, as did he. You reject his excuses, repeating yourself, “you literally just got back in town two days ago.”
“And I've spent the last two days with you, babe. Just hanging out for a little,” he coaxes you. Chris had a way with words when it came to you, he always knew what to say and when to say it. You knew by the end of the night the argument would be resolved, and you’d more than likely be naked in bed with him. When you don’t say anything, Chris speaks up, “I promise.”
His reasoning puts you at ease, you sigh into the phone and just as you’re about to speak you hear, “hey baby. Want some time with me?” It was plain and clear it was a woman's voice. You squeeze your eyes shut, not wanting to believe your worst fears were coming true again. You were fuming at this point, “yea, who the fuck is that? I swear to God-,” you rage but get interrupted by your boyfriend. “It's not a bitch!” he defends himself quickly, “Nate’s on GTA, it’s a fucking prostitute he honked at,” a bit of annoyance laced through his words. Not wanting to argue, Chris takes a deep breath, “you’re funny for that one, though,” letting out a dry chuckle.
“You think it’s funny? I’m not fucking playing with you, Chris. Let me find out you have a bitch with you,” you snap at him, your voice getting the louder with each word. Infidelity was something your relationship has faced once before. From Chris’s end, of course. So, you had your insecurities when it came to not knowing his whereabouts or what the hell he was doing. Last he told you; he was going to meet them for a late dinner with his brothers and Nate. 
“Y/n, there’s not any bitches here,” he assures, but you can tell he’s clearly frustrated with you. Not giving a fuck about how frustrated he was, “let me find out you’re lying to me.”
Chris gives in and lets out a breathy sigh, “I’m not, babe. I love you.”
“If you loved me, you’d be at home with me at fucking midnight, Chris!” You refused to hold back this time, blinking back angry tears, and sucking a sharp breath, “if roles were reversed, you’d be breaking up with me right now!” The line goes quiet for a second for a few seconds, making you pull your phone from your ear to see if he ended the call or not. Seeing he’s still on the call, you hold it back up to your ear, “I’m leaving soon, alright? I love you.” 
“Whatever, Chris. I’m tired of you constantly lying. I’m not stupid and I know exactly what you’re doing,” you spit back at him, not letting up on your delusional thoughts. Technically, it wasn't a delusion at all. Chris had cheated on you before, and times like this showed the biggest weak spots in your relationship - your insecurities, the insecurities that he planted. Even though you had never cheated on him, you know he’d be flipping his shit if he was in your position, and he knew it too. 
“Alright, I love you,” he voice becomes more relaxed like he’d getting some type of pleasure out of hearing you all worked up. “Fuck you,” you tell him, this time letting a few tears slip before hanging up the call. To no avail, the word ‘hubby 🥰’ pops up on your screen a few seconds later, this time for a facetime call. Quickly dragging a hand across your cheek to collect any leftover tears, you press the answer button.
 Chris’s face stretches across the screen, eyebrows knitted together, and his lip pressed into a thin line. “I said I love you like a million times, did you not hear me?” he teases at his way of enlightening the mood but when he sees you hard facial expression not budging, he flips the camera around, showing his brothers and Nate. “Say hi to my crazy girlfriend guys,” making them all look up at the camera in unison. “Hey girl,” Nick stretches out, making the room erupt in laughter. Chris switches the camera back to him, “we’re gonna leave in a few. I love you, okay?”
“I love you too,” you sigh. You couldn’t help but feel relaxed now that he showed you who all was there with him, but you couldn’t help but think a bitch was hiding under the bed.
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🏷️ - @lvrsturniolo @unknvhx @m11rx @ribread03 @thepubeburgler
If anyone else wants added on my tag list, just let me know!!❤️
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simandy · 21 hours ago
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I've made a gif once of a butterfly flapping it's wings in black and white and, for some reason today, two people from ED tumblr have already used it.
I think I've never talked about it here, but I have an Eating Disorder. It's under control now, and im not one of those girls who look like they have an ED, so when i tell people this they don't believe me, but i do, and i suffer from it.
I don't have much to say, any time i see those numbers and codes in your bios, it breaks my heart. I know your minds better than anyone, i know the revolving trauma and the paradoxical thoughts. I know how it is to look at another woman, then at yourself and the feeling of despair because you don't feel enough. I know how it is to work out until you almost pass out on an empty stomach. But you know what else I know? That this is worthless. Because there isn't an "enough" that is enough for you. I know you know it, deep down in your heart there's a little voice that tells you this. A little voice that keeps whispering: "will I be able to stop?" This voice is your will to live. It is trying to save you, to bring your joy back. No iced coffee will bring it back, no rice cake, no vegetable soup with zero salt will fill this hole in your chest, dear. You will become thin enough to make your thumb and middle finger around your arm and it will make you happy for 5 seconds, until your goal moves to your thumb and your pinky. And I know I'm here, talking about it, risking a relapse by simply thinking about it, but to me it is worthy. Because only God knows how many of you will read this post and snap back to reality and this. This is worth it.
You are loved. You are someone's darling. Even between you guys, you have friends who you care about who are in this community with you. Don't let them go. It's easier to recover with a friend, it's easier to leave the spiral if you join forces.
If you know someone who's showing signs of having an ED, hit them up. Talk to them, show them they're loved, tell them how beautiful you think they are, unpromptedly, unexpectedly. Because i know that's exactly what you think, and they should know it too.
Stay safe. You are loved, and there is nothing you can do, there's no way you can look that will make you stop being loved.
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lulublack90 · 3 days ago
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Prompt 11 - Home
@jegulus-microfic November 11, Word count 563
Previous part First part
Regulus cringed internally as he followed James, Sirius and Remus down the flight of stairs and out into the pouring rain. He had no idea what had possessed him to suggest the art show, but here he was clambering into the back of James’s car— apparently, Sirius had called eternal shotgun years ago—and on their way to the gallery on the other side of town.
“So when did you get into painting then?” Remus asked pleasantly while James and Sirius argued over what music they would put on. 
“Oh, er, I think I always liked art. Our house was full of dusty old oil paintings, and I was fascinated by how the artists had made it look like the eyes were following you. Took me years to figure out how to paint them.” Regulus answered, going into far more detail than he usually would with someone who was basically a stranger, but something about Remus made him want to spill his guts. He was so calm and sincere that Regulus had a hard time not trusting him. 
“Wait!” Remus gasped excitedly. “You know how to do that?” Regulus nodded. Remus grabbed both of Regulus’s hands in his and earnestly asked, “Can I commission a portrait of myself with the creepy eyes? I want to put it in Sirius’s office to freak him out.” Remus leaned conspiratorially. “He’ll hate it, but he won’t take it down in case he upsets either of us,” Regulus decided there and then that he was going to be very good friends with Remus Lupin. 
“You pay for the supplies, and I’ll do it just for the knowledge that Sirius will wig out every time he sees it.” 
“Deal,” Remus grinned at him mischievously and then grabbed the phone Sirius had plugged into the car’s speakers and put on NSYNC, to which two unhappy moans chorused from the front seats. “They both hate them, and I take great joy in singing the songs word for word as loudly as I can, so I’d cover your ears if I were you,” Remus warned before launching into ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Regulus grinned widely, loving how Remus was torturing his brother, not so much James, but this was just too much fun. He did something he never thought he’d do and he joined in. 
“I know that I can't take no more. It ain't no lie. I want to see you out that door. Baby bye bye bye.”
“Oh gods, there’s two of them,” Sirius complained as he put his hands over his ears. Remus leaned forward and prised Sirius’s fingers away from his head as the last verses started playing and sang loudly into the gap he’d made. 
“Bring it home Regulus!” Remus beamed, still holding Sirius’s hands away from his ears. So, Regulus did what he was told. He shuffled forward and scream-sang. 
“Don't really want to make it tough. I just want to tell you that I've had enough. It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie. Bye bye.”
“We’re here,” James said as he pulled into the car park and found a parking space. He turned to Regulus with the most dazzling smile. “You have the most beautiful voice, my love, shall we go look at your beautiful art?” Regulus felt the blush coming before the heat even hit his face. James was a total menace.  
Next part
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cator99 · 11 hours ago
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why is everyone lesbians? a tale from my childhood in however many parts
I don't think it's even a statistical anomaly that I grew up around so many other lesbians, I think this outcome is just the result of growing up in a small town around the same people for so long, everyone knows each others business... no matter what anyone does, I'll always find out somehow.... like if u grow up in a large city, it's a lot harder to keep track of people and find out who ended up gay and whatnot...... with that being said, I have to admit the fact that half my Girl Guides team is now out or dating other women is....... actually, no, I've changed my mind this is not surprising, Girl Guides is just sort of where exasperated parents throw their weird tomboyish daughters when all else fails. Regardless I just found out that one of them (who I hung out with outside of GG when I was a kid) is now dating a girl who I was close friends with in the city after I moved out there to be in a group home during high school... a different one straight up just has a kid with another woman... then there was my GG bestie who I didn't really like but she was always unburdened by pretty much any of the nervousness the rest of us carried by virtue of being boyish weirdos while she was an effeminate francophone so when she wanted to be my bestie she just brute forced her way into making it happen and I'm maybe 9 years old what are you gonna do it was just cool to have someone with that type of enthusiasm around at first but she quickly became overwhelming with her affections... she's a single mom now, 1 kid, but whenever I see her on facebook commenting with enthusiasm about how handsome I look or whatever I just remember how she would always joke in front of her girls about marrying me or liking my boobs (she did not care that his embarassed me or that others found it weird, she was just so confident that othwrs really couldnt say anything about it... although i definitely had more than one girl ask me if we were lesbians and i made it very apparent that regardless of if any of us here liked boys or girls, that wasn't what made her Weird) and she would latch on to me during sleepovers and one time when she thought I was asleep she whispered that she was in love with me... thankfully we went to different schools...
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sugdenlovesdingle · 11 hours ago
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A different first meeting AU inspired by Blink182 - The Rock Show because I think Tommy is a rocker (no pun intended)
I'll post to AO3 when I've had some sleep.
🎵 fell in love with the boy at the rock show🎵
---
It wasn't his usual hang out, but after his break up with Natalia, Buck was desperate to surround himself with as much life as possible.
Some hole in the wall bar advertising live music, outside the 118's jurisdiction, seemed the perfect place to do it.
And also to forget he was currently the only single member of the 118 A shift.
The music was decent, the drinks not too expensive, and he liked the general vibe in the place. Even if he didn't recognise the majority of the songs the band was playing.
"Haven't seen you here before." someone said in his ear and he turned around.
The guy was gorgeous. Bright blue eyes and cheekbones that could cut diamonds.
"Oh uh... yeah... I mean... no, you haven't. I just wanted a change of scenery, I guess."
"Yeah? And how is that working out for you?" the guy asked, sitting down on the barstool next to Buck.
"Not too bad." he replied. "I think I like it here."
"That's good to hear. It would be a shame if we'd never see you again." the guy smiled and Buck was almost mesmerised by the way his eyes crinkled when he did. "Do you want another?" he nodded at the almost empty glass in front of him.
"Sure."
The guy got up and rounded the bar, grabbing two bottles of beer from the fridge.
"Is this your bar or something?"
"It might as well be with the amount of time he spends here." a woman of around their age said, as she walked back behind the bar carrying a serving tray with empty glasses.
"I keep telling you Gina, you should let me buy into this place. Tommy and Gina. Living on a prayer."
"Why does your name get to go first if its my bar?" the woman asked, hand on her hip.
"Because that's how the song goes. Take it up with Jon if you don't like it." he told her and laughed when she rolled her eyes at him.
"Get back to your side of the bar, you menace."
The guy, Tommy apparently, laughed again and went back to his seat next to Buck.
"Is she your girlfriend?"
"He wishes! I'm a catch!" Gina said while preparing a cocktail.
"Sure you are. If I was into women I would have made a move on you years ago." Tommy told her, looking at Buck from the corner of his eye to gauge his reaction.
"If I was into men, I might have appreciated that."
"She loves me really." Tommy told Buck. "Has done since we were kids."
"He was the new kid in the neighbourhood and my mother made me go say hi and play with him. Haven't been able to get rid of him since." Gina commented, and walked away with the cocktail.
Tommy laughed and took a swig of his beer.
"So now you know my name and how my best friend was forced to befriend me... but I don't know anything about you... yet."
"Well... what do you want to know?" Buck asked, trying to tear his eyes away from Tommy's lips when he took another swig.
"Everything." Tommy replied. "But let's start with your name."
"I'm B- my name's Evan." Buck told him, holding out his hand.
Tommy raised an eyebrow at the stumble but didn't mention it.
"Nice to meet you Evan."
They talked for a while. Laughing about everything and nothing, with Tommy getting mock offended when Buck admitted he didn't know the song Tommy insisted was one of his favourites and not many of the others either.
"Hey I spent most of my twenties travelling!" Buck laughed, defending himself. He liked talking to Tommy. He was fun and friendly, and definitely easy on the eye.
Objectively speaking of course. He'd always been able to appreciate a hot guy when he saw one. Just like he'd look at hot women. It meant nothing.
"And you didn't listen to music on your travels?" Tommy asked incredulously.
"I did... but I didn't pay much attention to it I guess" Buck shrugged, taking a swing of his drink. He hadn't really kept track of how many he'd had but he was starting to feel the buzz. "My sister's..." he shook his head trying to think of a word to describe Chim's relation to him and Maddie. "My brother in law..." He settled on. "He's this movie buff and he's always rolling his eyes at me when I don't get his references."
"Not a movie guy either?"
"Not really. I get distracted. I prefer documentaries. I like learning new things." Buck explained and took a good look at Tommy, taking in the amused look on his face. "Let me guess... you're a movie buff too?"
"I like the escapism, sue me." Tommy replied. "But I'm happy to teach you all about the classics. I've been told I'm a good teacher." He smiled and leaned a little closer, and for a minute Buck thought he was about to kiss him.
And how much he wouldn't mind that. At all.
"Thomas, get your ass up here and make yourself useful, man!" the singer from the band that had been playing all night suddenly called out.
And suddenly the moment was gone. Tommy laughed, leaned back, quickly finished his beer, and got up.
"Duty calls... are you sticking around, Evan?"
"Uh y-yeah, sure."
"Great." Tommy said happily and squeezed his shoulder in passing, letting his hand linger just a fraction too long.
He walked up to the stage and someone handed him a guitar.
As the band started playing, Buck recognised the song as one of Tommy's favourites he'd pointed out to him earlier, and couldn't help but stare at the man.
He was laughing with the others and making playing the instrument look effortless.
He was confident. Interesting.
The band played a few songs before Tommy handed the guitar back to a woman Buck hadn't noticed before and he stepped off the stage again.
Buck made his way over, suddenly eager to talk to him before anyone else would have a chance to.
"Hey!" Tommy greeted him and the crinkly smile was back. "Glad you stayed."
"Y-yeah me t-too..." Buck stammered, his brain somewhat disconnected from his mouth. "S-so... you play guitar?"
"Bass actually." Tommy corrected him. "Everyone knows the bass is the most important instrument in a band." he grinned. "I've been playing since I was a teenager and I play with these guys sometimes when I'm around."
"Yeah? You sounded pretty good. You made it look so easy. I wish I could play."
"I could teach you." Tommy offered without missing a beat.
"Yeah? Is that before or after you teach me about classic movies I need to watch?" Buck tilted his head and smiled as he stepped closer to Tommy, only vaguely aware he was doing it.
Tommy glanced down at his lips.
"No reason we can't do both."
Suddenly there were two fingers under Buck's chin, tilting his face up and Tommy's lips on his for the softest first kiss he'd ever had.
It was over before Buck's brain had really caught up with what was happening and he just stared at Tommy with a dazed and confused look on his face.
"Sorry I - " Tommy started but Buck cut him off, putting a hand on the back of his neck, pulling him close and kissing him until neither of them could remember their own name.
~ A few days later ~
"There he is, Tommy Kinard, the man of the hour. Long time no see. " Chim said, pulling the guy that had just walked up to them in for a quick hug.
Buck couldn't get a good look at him from where he was standing. The guy was just muscles under a straining blue flight suit and slightly messy brown hair, until Chim stepped away and Buck choked on air.
Chim's buddy was the Tommy from the bar. The bassist who had turned his world upside down with two fingers under his chin in a dark corner of a bar he'd ended up in by chance.
"Let me introduce you to these two knuckleheads. This is Buck and Eddie." Chim gestured at them. "Guys this is Tommy, he used to be at the 118 when you two were just a twinkle in Bobby's eye."
Eddie stepped forward first and shook Tommy's hand.
"Eddie Diaz, thanks for helping us out."
"Sure thing. If Howie calls I answer. I owe him my life."
Eddie nodded and stepped back and gave Buck an expectant look.
"Oh. Right. Yes." Buck stammered and walked up to Tommy holding out his hand. "I'm Evan... E-Evan Buckley."
Tommy smiled as he shook his hand and Buck's knees turned to jello. Again.
"Nice to meet you Evan."
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carrottheluvmachine · 2 days ago
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Help me move to Scotland to be with the one I love
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Hello, my name is Colie and I'm trying to raise the money needed to be able to apply for a partner visa to go and live with my girlfriend in Scotland.
3 years ago, my life was in a hellish place. My step-dad, the greatest person I have ever known, was diagnosed with cancer and put on hospice care. He took me in when I had to leave my old life behind me; when I lost my home in New York and had no where else to turn to. He accepted my 3 elderly cats and cared for them like they were his own. Although he came into my life late, he acted as a father and a friend to me.
In August of 2021, right as my step-dad was diagnosed, I met the love of my life. I wasn't looking for love. I was searching for a writing partner and she came along. 2 weeks later, I told her I thought I might be in love with her, and to my surprise she said she felt the same way.
Steph was there for me as my step-dad grew weaker and weaker. She was the first person I told the morning when he passed away. I helped my mother care for him in his last days. I listened obsessively at the wall between our bedrooms for his last breaths. To this day, I still refuse to go into the spare bedroom where he passed away. I am traumatized, I am broken, but to Steph I am so much more. She was there for me to lean on whenever I needed her. She cheered me up with her silly puns. She made me smile and she reassured me that I was worth loving.
My life has never been easy, but the easiest thing in it has always been Steph. I knew right away that I loved her. I admired her from the first moment I met her. She stuck by my side despite my disabilities, despite my losses, despite my will to end it all.
I have severe anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. Because of this, it has never been easy for me to keep down a job. Because I have never been able to hold down a job, I have been living off the good graces of others and cannot afford therapy. Only recently did I find a way to receive remote therapy and I'm working to improve myself.
I have lived a sheltered life since moving down here to Florida. I lost everything I ever knew in New York. I have seen family members only a handful of times in the past 11 years, and I haven't visited any of my friends since. I have lost touch with the people I called my friends back home, and I haven't been able to make new friends down here.
It's a different world here, and I am very fearful as a gay person in a red state. I do not tell anyone that I'm gay because I fear for my life here. Especially after the 2024 election results.
I have become a recluse who has nothing but her online friends, her mother, and her cats. The one shining light in all of my life has been Steph. We were able to meet in the summer of 2023 and I flew to Scotland to be with her. For the first time in my life, I was living and doing what I wanted to do. I was happy. I smiled every single day. I was traveling outside and seeing things I've never seen before, all with the person I loved most in the world. At the end of my trip, Steph turned to me and said "So, what do you think about living here?" and I swear to you, I've never smiled brighter.
The reason I have started this campaign is because of the financial requirements to obtain a visa to move to the UK. The financial requirement is £29k, which is roughly $37k USD. Steph just graduated from university with a degree in screenwriting, but she has yet to find a job in her field. For the time being, she's working in childcare, which she also has a degree in, but it does not make the kind of money needed to sponsor me for a visa.
Our choices were either to make the 29k annually, or to have 31k in savings (equating roughly to 39k USD) so that I could apply for a visa stay support both of us for 2 years before I would have to apply again. Unfortunately, the income earned cannot be combined with any savings to meet the financial requirement. The requirement also does not allow me to contribute with a US income, as the person who is responsible for sponsoring me has to be the one earning the money because I won't be able to work in the UK until I have a spouse visa.
It is incredibly difficult not seeing the one you love day in and day out. My life has never been easy, as I said before, but I feel as if it has been put on pause ever since I was forced out of my home to come and live in Florida. I haven't been living, I have been surviving.
I want to live again, and I want to live with the girl I love.
Please, if you can, donate. Even if it's just a dollar, anything helps. Please help my dreams come true.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
~Colie
Link to gofundme
If you could reblog this post, I would greatly appreciate it!
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lucy90712 · 20 hours ago
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Can you please make a hector fort fic where he spends all his time with his friends and spends barely time with her. Then they were supposed to go on a date together and she waits for him to pick her up, she waits for 2 hours and goes to social media to see if he has posted anything and sees on his story a picture of him and her girl bestfriend having fun playing games. So she leaves the house with her stuff. When hector comes home he realises what he has done and tries to get back in contact with her but he fails. They don't see each other for a while but he notices her walking on a busy street and tries to talk to her. (ending with fluff please)
You: good morning amor hope training goes well don't forget about our plans tonight I'll be waiting for you 
Hector: have fun in class and don't worry I'll be there at 7 as promised 
You: love you 
That was the last I heard from Hector and now it's 8:32pm and he's still not here to pick me up. He promised he promised me he'd be here and that he'd make up for us not spending any time together. I should've seen it coming as he's been doing this for weeks he's promised time and time again that he will come over or we'll go on a date and then he never shows up. When I can finally get hold of him he always has an excuse either he was busy or with friends and lost track of time but whatever it is it hurts. I've done so much for Hector I've been there for him since we were kids and I've been there for every good and bad moment of his football career but he can't even manage to show up for one day or just to see me for an hour. 
We made the jump from being friends to being a couple just over a year ago and for the longest time he was the best boyfriend ever he treated me so well was super attentive and really made an effort to be romantic and take me on dates. I don't remember exactly when it changed I think it happened slowly over time but ever since he's started playing with the first team more he's been busier with training and matches which I understand but what I don't understand is spending every evening with his teammates who he sees all day when he could see me. It might sound selfish but I just miss my boyfriend he's already missed so much like he wasn't here when I was stressed over my big exams and he wasn't here when I got the results and he wasn't here when I needed him most when my mum went into hospital and I was scared and panicking. Just a few months ago he'd never dream of leaving my side during any of those times but now he barely knows they even happened. 
I text him once then twice then three times then I called multiple times but they all went unanswered. My last resort was to message him on Instagram as I know he won't have turned the notifications off for that but I didn't need to message him Instagram gave me my answer straight away. He had posted on his story showing him out with his friends and my best friend was with them too which was a whole other level of pain. My best friend knows all about my troubles with Hector yet she went out with him and his friends anyway and didn't even bother to tell me. That was the final straw I'm not dealing with this anymore I deserve better I deserve someone who will be there for me, not break promises and definitely not someone who makes me feel like this. 
My mind was racing but I quickly worked out what I wanted to do so I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Seeing as Hector wasn't in I decided now is the perfect time to go and get all the things I have at his place and leave the spare key I have that he gave me ages ago because I won't be needing it anymore. When I opened the door I immediately saw all the little things of mine there are that makes Hector's place feel just like my own some of my books are on his coffee table and my hair ties on the sideboard by the door. I spent some time grabbing all my things while trying not to cry that I was losing my boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life. Before I left I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Hector a note to tell him his I felt and why I was leaving and then put my key with it. Closing the door I felt like I was closing a chapter in my life a chapter I never wanted to close and one that's going to stay with me for a long time but it has to be done. 
Hector's POV
As soon as I opened the door to my apartment it felt weirdly empty like was something wrong but the door was locked and nothing looked like it has been stolen. Still I had a quick look around and then I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a key and that's when I realised what was wrong all of y/n's things were gone her books, her hair ties and all of the little things she leaves here were gone and this is her key that's now in my hand not with her like it should be. I knew the note would be from her but I didn't need to read it to know what was going on and what I'd done. I had promised to see her tonight as I've forgotten about the last few dates we've planned but I did it again my friends dragged me out after training and then I got carried away and forgot about the most important part of my day proving to y/n that I will do better. I really didn't want to read the note but I knew I had to I owe her that at the very least.
Dear Hector, 
I have left my key and taken my things because I'm done. I'm done because tonight we were supposed to go out you promised you'd pick me up at 7 and you promised you wouldn't forget like you have been for the last few months but you did. Instead of trying to prove to me that you love me and that the last few months have just been an anomaly you went out with your friends and my best friend leaving me waiting for you, calling and texting you until I saw your story. I can't do this anymore I love you but I can't let you treat me like this so I'm calling it here. I've really enjoyed the last year or so we've spent together but it's time for us to move on as clearly we aren't meant to be. 
I love you and probably will for the rest of my life but this is goodbye. 
Y/n xx
Those words hurt to read. I already knew I fucked up but to see the words written in front of me made it truly hit me how much I'd hurt her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me she was always there for everything no matter what she's been by my side through every up and down and I truly thought she'd be there for everything for the rest of our lives. I wanted her there for every achievement in my career and I wanted to be there for all of her achievements too. She was the one I didn't need anyone else I didn't want anyone else but now she's left me and I don't have my person anymore and I may never have her again. 
After the initial shock I tried to text her to see if I could apologise but she had already blocked me so I tried Instagram but she had blocked me on there too. I should've seen it coming but it upset me that I wouldn't be able to reach out to her and try and make things right or at least tell her how sorry I am for fucking this all up so badly. She's gone and it's all my fault that's what hurts the most if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still be together but no I had to go and ruin things with the best woman in the world. 
A few weeks later
Life has been hell for the last few weeks I've really missed y/n I've missed having her sat in the stands during matches and I've definitely missed seeing her. She's been in my life for the longest time not just as my girlfriend but as my friend so not having her in my life anymore and so suddenly as well has been really hard. I've definitely not been myself all of the guys keep asking if I'm ok and I tell them I am but we all know it's a lie they know how much I love y/n and they can see how it's destroyed me to lose her. I've tried time and time again to reach out to her but of course I'm still blocked I even text her best friend to get her to talk to y/n but she says she hasn't seen her or had any of her texts answered either so I have no way of telling her that I'm sorry. 
Everyone keeps telling me I need to try and move on and they're right it's just hard everything reminds me of y/n whenever I go anywhere I see places that we've been on dates to or just places we have memories at. Today I'm going to stop myself from moping about and go for a walk to clear my head as that's what I think I need to be able to move on or at least start to. I decided to go to the nearest park and walk around as it's relaxing and it should be quiet there which is what I need. 
The park was pretty empty there was a few people around; one couple with their baby an older couple feeding the birds and a girl who was sat on a bench with a book. The girl reminded me of y/n her hair was the same colour and reading in the park is something she loved to do. As I walked closer I realised that it actually was y/n she had headphones in and the book she'd been reading in her hands like she so often did when I went to see her. Seeing her made me stop in my tracks I didn't know whether to go and talk to her or just leave her be but then I realised this is my chance to talk to her and get closure at the very least. 
Your POV
Being without Hector has been hard I've missed feeling his touch and having him next to me when I sleep. So many times I've wanted to take it all back and run back to him but I know I can't or he'll think he can treat me like that again or someone else and I can't let that happen. Today is Wednesday which is the day that I had free from classes and usually I would spend all day with Hector so I've been sat at home all day thinking about him but I can't keep doing that so I needed to get outside. To give me something to do I walked to the park with my book. I found a bench with a nice view of the trees and the little pond with a few ducks and let myself forget about the real world. 
I was so in my own world that I didn't notice when someone sat next to me to start with until they sighed which brought me out of my trance. When I looked to my side I think I turned as white as a ghost because Hector was sat next to me with a look of pure sadness on his face. It took a few seconds for my brain to begin functioning again but when it did I leapt up and tried to run away. I'm not ready to face him again not when I've been trying so hard to forget about him and move on I blocked him and separated myself from him so I wouldn't have to do this. Before I could get more than a few steps away Hector placed a hand on my arm he didn't pull me back he didn't even hold my arm tightly but having his hand on me stopped me dead in my tracks. He encouraged me to sit back down so I did and I watched as his hand moved off my arm down to my hand which he held tightly in his grasp so I couldn't run again. 
"Hector" I started to say 
"No please let me talk" he interrupted 
"Ok but you have five minutes then I'm leaving" I said
"I'm sorry and I know move said that a lot recently but I really mean it when I got home and saw the note you left it broke me having all of your stuff gone from my apartment made it feel empty and not being able to see or talk to you has killed me I've missed you so much and I'll do anything to make it up to you" he said 
"How do I know that you actually mean it and that you'll actually change I told you how disappointed I was a million times and every time you told me you wouldn't forget the next time and then you always did it's like I wasn't important to you anymore how do I know that'll change" I said 
"I know I was an awful boyfriend but losing you has taught me a lot I know I can't treat you like that and I'd never dream of doing it again this might seem to much but you are truly the one for me I don't want to ever be with anyone else so please give me a another chance and I promise I'll do better and if I don't I'll let you go" he said 
"Ok but this is your last chance if you miss any date or anything without telling me and giving me a valid reason we're done" I said 
"I'll never miss a date ever again don't worry" he said 
"I can't lie I'm glad to have you back I've missed you so much it really hurt to walk away" I said
"And you'll never have to walk away again I'm here to stay" he said 
He pulled me into his side and leant down to kiss my lips which felt so good as I've missed having him by my side and I've definitely missed kissing him. He let me sit and finish the chapter I was reading before we left the park and went back to his place as he wanted to make things up to me straight away by having a movie date at home which he knows are my favourite. He's definitely off to a good start at making things up to me but honestly I'm just happy to have him back by my side. 
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barclaysangel · 1 day ago
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So...I think I'm a demisexual lesbian
This road has been a long time coming but I think I might have figured it out. I'm still not 100% sure, this could be subjected to change, but this feels the most accurate.
My whole life, the only times I had a crush on boys, was when they were nice to me and gave me attention. It made me feel happy because I was so lonely. When I discovered I liked girls, the crushes stopped. I stopped having crushes on anyone for about 8 years.
When I would talk to boys recently, it was easy. I knew what to say and they would be interested in me. But when they wanted more...I got cold feet. I didn't want to give them more. I would basically ghost them.
With the boy I was going out with during the summer, we hung out twice. I personally wouldn't call them dates. He did everything right, he was respectful and sweet and complimented me. I'd do the same. But a friend had asked me if I felt a spark with him and truthfully...I didn't. It felt almost like complacency, like I could settle with him with no true passionate feelings.
I had to pump the breaks but we still follow each other on Instagram since it feels too rude to suddenly take him off when he didn't really do anything wrong.
I've just been thinking about this for so fucking long and I feel so much more for women than I ever did for men. The only celebrity men I'm still somewhat attracted to are Tom Hiddleston and Alex Vincent, but it feels more in a way that lesbians were attracted to Pedro Pascal. I find myself staring much more at hot women than hot men.
But, like Tiffany Valentine, I would only sleep with someone I love. My sexual attraction is basically nonexistent but I feel like if I met someone I truly love and care about and trust, I could be intimate with them.
And talking about this with my bff Jay (love you, my coven two @king-of-wicked ) yesterday, he made me realize something I always craved for.
I wanted the cookie cutter happy life. Big house, children, a husband...except I don't want the latter. I want the easiness that came with that life but not the man.
I hope one day I can be more open, I can date someone who truly cares for me, and I can come out to the people I care about in my life.
So...yeah. Demisexual lesbian here. I don't know why I'm almost crying just typing that but I am. I'm terrified but hopeful. I guess we'll just...see where it all goes now from here.
I'm about 98.5% sure this is what I am so if you actually read through my word vomit, thank you. I greatly appreciate it. I love you all.
Okay, I'm out~
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zyafics · 2 days ago
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Did Rafe changed his viewpoint about kook and pogue stuff? Because if I understood correctly the reader is not a kook because he was paying for her Spotify subscription and her friend group is pogues. So what made him change his opinions about pogues? I think that’s the part fucked up their relationship because you mentioned their official breakup happens 4 months after the kissing situation
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i love these type of questions so so much because i get to explain more that i won't be able to explain in the series! ☺️💘
reader is neither a kook nor a pogue, she isn't from kildare so she doesn't have that status with her. i don't see her as either a pogue nor a kook regardless (in the sense of being rich or poor), she's just an average income person so it's more relatable to reader-inserts. she doesn't have excess wealth but she can afford the things she wants. but she's not dirt-poor where she has to be roughing it. she's just in-between, especially as a college student!
rafe was paying for her spotify subscription (thank u for catching that!) but she is okay with listening to ads because she doesn't want to pay a monthly subscription (just to save money hehe).
however, her friends are the pogues and it definitely causes rafe to change his perspective on kooks and pogues just a bit. as we've seen and i've hoped to have showcase—reader is not someone passive, but she's not outright outspoken. how i've written her in mind is this sweet and kind person who welcomes people with open arms but she isn't afraid of standing her grounds. that kind of behavior works with rafe! he doesn't have someone who challenge him every step of the way, but he does have someone who points him from right to wrong. and to tell him when he's wrong and hold him accountable to it. so, being with her definitely change how he views the pogues.
it's not a drastic change, but it's definitely means that rafe doesn't have outright disdain for pogues anymore. he works with john b and jj for his football career. he knows reader is friends with cleo and pope and actually talked to them before too. it's just... neutral, in a sense? no pogue-kook politics here!
and you're close. that is somewhat what fucked up their relationship, but not exactly. at least, in this conflict.
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Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
#may 31th anon#hello friends!! (。’▽’。)♡ how are you!! I missed you so much!#I'm sorry that once again i have not been posting but I did that thing again where I got scared of posting#I do not know why but it is the same with physical paper diarys#I have 3 diarys and they all have 1 entry#I think one just says 'I am ten'#what have you been up to!! did you do something fun? is it summer too where you live? c:#my tumblr messages seem to be broken! I'm sorry if you wrote something :C it just says 'no new messages' despite also saying new messages#not a lot has happened here! I got a tomato plant and then I got very invested into the tomato plant and I have eaten three tomatos so far (#my roses are also doing well!! I just got a new yellow rose and since she got here she only made orange flowers#I do not know the meaning of that#but I am very thankful! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ I love it when things are orange!!#I've been trying to buy an orange shirt for the past 2 weeks but they always sell out before I get to them#I'm also thinking about buying a jean jacket#I have not worn a jean jacket for at least 15 years because one time in 7th grade  tthe girl behind me said#that I was wearing a cool jean jacket and I just assumed that this was bullying for no actual reason#but maybe she just thought that it was an acutal cool jean jacket#we'll soon have out 10 year school reunion#maybe I should ask her#is anyone else going to a secret Sherlock phase again#I just want to see that silly little hat again#would sherlock holmes wear a jean jacket#have a nice day everyone!!#see you soon hopefully!!#♡^▽^♡
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piko-power · 3 months ago
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
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When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
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You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
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During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
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But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
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Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
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Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
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-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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brynnmclean · 6 months ago
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saw a post questioning shipping Senua and Thórgestr and started to reblog it with a tag novel-- felt weird about doing that since this is lengthy and potentially derailing, so making my own post instead. Spitballing under the cut:
First off, any time someone is like, "the real reason people ship this is because they find the dude attractive," this is SO funny to me as someone who doesn't find men attractive IRL and has fiercely loved Senua since I played the first game, like-- actually I find the dynamic between those two characters to be compelling and interesting precisely because of all the baggage between them re: their backgrounds, the rough (put mildly!) beginning of their relationship, all the things they don't talk about, and them finding a common enemy/common ground to work with. The explicit parallels between them stated in-game scratched an itch in my brain. The minute they pointed out the dark rot on his arm, it was like, "oh! hello there! NOW I'm interested in whatever your whole deal is" for me. Also, idk man, I too would follow Senua around after she knocked me into the dirt and then showed me a way to fight the giants that I very much wanted to fight instead of appease.
The idea that Thórgestr was part of the Orkney Raid that killed and mutilated Dillion is VERY interesting food for thought, even if I don't personally have that headcanon (surely there are more viking raiding groups than just the Bjorg). I think the Furies or the Shadow said something similar about Fargrimr (his kin murdered yours, you shouldn't save him, etc.) so I completely get that line of thought, but I think the game left it ambiguous enough that it's up for interpretation. Would I read fic with that premise? Yeah, I'd check that out. Could Senua forgive Thorgestr if his people were involved? Sounds fun to explore.
If (ha, when?) I write fic, I'd have to think more about it especially wrt timelines, like when did the Bjorg start specifically raiding for slaves for giant food sacrifices vs. killing people for resources and wealth? How far off are we from the old gods "dying" and the volcano erupting? Was it indeed a different group of raiders who made a deal with Zynbel, attacked Senua's home, and made the sacrifice at that time to Hela?
At the very least, I think there's a time jump between the end of Hellblade I and the beginning of Hellblade II since Senua wasn't alone on that slave ship and at least one of the (brief) survivors knew her by name. I wouldn't mind exploring that gap of time, too.
In any case I do agree that it would take a VERY long time for Senua to consciously catch feelings for anyone let alone Thorgestr with all their collective baggage. The idea of them having a relationship beyond friendship in the far off future of an AU where he survives is the only one that can make sense in my brain, personally. It would take time! Time they didn't get in the game! But I think there are a lot of different roads that could take, and some of them might be healthier than others. Shipping them certainly isn't forgetting or excusing what happened to Dillion-- or even mutually exclusive from still shipping Senua and Dillion. Or, frankly, also shipping Senua and Astridr, because I can see that ship too.
One of the nice things about all the details Ninja Theory didn't expand upon and that they left that ending so open is that the sky's the limit. I'm VERY interested in seeing fandom tackle this game as we get farther from the initial release.
#kate plays hellblade#senua x thorgestr#a friend did laugh at me recently and say there's always a weird guy i latch onto and i laughed back and said i'm a boy in my brain#i think i've felt that way forever and it's still true. i DO gravitate toward male characters#especially ones who are a bit starry-eyed over their female counterparts#anyway that's not what this post is about#it's more of me throwing thoughts out into the ether because i don't have the energy or time to write fic yet#but i am Thinking About It#what happens after the story left off? what if we changed ONE THING and gave them more time#i stopped using accent marks midway through this sorry i'm typing on a computer. my phone would catch them but alas.#i can't remember my video games tag#senua#thorgestr#hellblade#senua's saga#i'm really just excited to talk fannish things about this one#the first game was so neat and tied up that i felt no fannish inclinations beyond loving the game#but there's SO MUCH ROOM HERE with this second one#delightful#i'll read all the AUs even the sad ones#when it comes to thorgestr and senua i think thorgestr fell first and pretty hard but he doesn't talk about it until senua starts opening u#i really think those two are made for a glacially slow burn#maybe not if she becomes the tyrant seer. loved and feared.#could be quick and very unhealthy. ALSO compelling to me!#senua's saga spoilers#to be safe#these tags are about as long as the post. i'd better quit while i'm ahead.#hertan writing tag
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risingsunresistance · 5 months ago
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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ontargetmadders · 7 months ago
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It's been 4 days since it ended now but i'm still emotional about saturday night takeaway ending and I just can't get over it yet... and one thing that I can't stop thinking about is how every time they started the show they always welcomed us by saying welcome to YOUR saturday night takeaway even tho their names are literally in the show's title. And honestly the show really was a massive comfort for me at times. There were countless times I'd had a shitty day/week and just watching it on a saturday night lifted my mood so much and made me forget about my problems for 90 minutes. It was just something always guaranteed to put a smile on my face and make me laugh no matter how bad things were. So I'm just a bit heart broken that I may never get that feeling again when i need it 😔💔
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theramblingvoid · 1 year ago
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Sometimes I think about how even when I'm trying not to be, I am entirely made of the people I love. I recently reconnected with a close friend I hadn't seen in about three years. Apparently they're into watching video essays now. I'm more of a gaming YouTube person, but to each their own, I've always known this friend to be a touch more academic than me anyway. Fair enough. We find other things to talk about.
It is two months later. My watch later list is entirely filled with video essays. Three years is not enough time to forget how to love somebody. I'm glad of that.
#voidrambles#how to explain. it's like#i don't know when to hug or how hard and direct complements make me uneasy and i just#affection in the way most people know it does not come naturally to me#i do it because it's detectable to other people and it's what they do for me and it makes them happy which makes me happy#which makes me sound quite disingenuous? i think that's the word. with my love#but#the games i play most are ones i saw one friend get very very excited about and i loved them before i even started playing them#i haven't thought twice about deep sea creatures since maybe middle school but i do now,all the time,and bugs too#i get excited when i see one because another of my friends would#in 2021 i made this one specific vanilla milk drink in the microwave dozens of times even though I don't like sweet vanilla that much#it tasted so good to me for the time i was close with the person i got the recipe from#i get excited when i see yellow flowers. yellow is not one of my favourite colours#I write because of all the things I've read and loved I keep a list of books friends speak highly of#I cook my pasta with oil even though it makes the pot harder to wash and i don't know if there's a difference to the taste#because i can't tell it apart from the warmth of someone else's proudly given tip joining my own routine#i don't know how else to say this#I'm running out of examples not because there are no more but because i can't tell them apart from things i am on my own#that used to upset me but i don't think it does anymore#this post stops here. it's late and i have a video essay to watch#i love you
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