#I love the aesthetic don’t get me wrong but seriously as a born human being you wouldn’t be a little annoyed at being covered in stickers

[oddly-casual]

I know collectively as a fandom we decided Rise Mikey has multiple stickers on him at every given moment but I’m convinced that this only works if he’s a turtle because imagine trying to keep several stickers on your body every day I would cry

[gold-and-rubies]

Fallout’s Use of Dead Wives For Companions

So this isn’t a full on essay, but I want to take a look at the dead wife trope in Fallout New Vegas and Fallout 4, I haven’t played the others so I won’t make a comment on them. These are my opinions on it. I am not a professional at analysis, I just want to clear out my head. I will be talking about Boone, MacCready, Deacon, Valentine, and Longfellow. I thought about talking about Doc Mitchell, but I don’t really see people bring him up. Probably because it’s just used to explain why he has a female vault suit. I’m not going to talk about M!Sole Survivor, because in my opinion that is a different conversation. I talk more about Boone and MacCready, since I am explaining why it works for them. I don’t think many would argue with me that the others could use some alternatives though. Anyway, everything is below the cut.

So let’s start with Boone. He definitely is not the first, but he is the big one. If Bethesda did not overuse this trope in Fallout 4, I don’t think people would go off on him as much, but then again I am relatively new to the fandom. Overall, I think he is the best execution for two different reasons. 

I already made a small post about it, but I want to expand on it. When people talk about how focused he is on Carla’s death, I don’t think most people realize that it was recent. It happened while they were living in Novac, and when you meet him he says he has been living there for a year. Meaning that at the most she’s been dead for a little over eleven months, but I think it is way less than that. I think if it had been that long, Boone would have already figured out who was responsible. He’d probably be long, long gone. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is as recent as a little over a week. Not only is it recent, but he’s the one who did the deed. And he hates himself for it. He knows what he did was wrong, but it was that or let her and their unborn child become slaves. That’s another thing I don’t think a lot of people know. Carla was pregnant, and I’m pretty sure they were planning on keeping the child. He was given a choice that consisted of two very dark shades of grey, and he had to figure out which one was just a little better. Not only is it very recent, and tragic, but it genuinely has a very deep affect on him. It is apparent from the beginning that it isn’t just something that is supposed to make the player feel bad for him, it is an important part of his character.

The second reason is that this isn’t the only thing affecting him deeply, though he is the slightest bit more open about what happened to Carla. His participation in what happened at Bittersprings, and how that affected his relationships and how he views Carla’s death make him a deeper character. It serves to show the horrors of war, how willing people are to turn on each other when afraid, and it makes Boone a deeply traumatized character. Unlike other things, it isn’t just some cheap grab at pain. It’s made clear that he isn’t getting over her anytime soon, or maybe he might not at all. 

Let’s look at MacCready next, shall we? I think he is the second best execution of this in this group, and by far the best one in Fallout 4. 

I think this is because while Lucy’s death was incredibly sad, and affected him deeply the focus is more on Duncan and how he mirrors the Sole Survivor. A parent with a dead spouse who desperately wants to save their child? They’re practically twins. But jokes aside, unlike the others in Fallout 4, Lucy’s death provides substance and cannot be easily switched out for another person. 

While twenty-six is a young age to have experienced all that Boone has, twenty-two is even younger. MacCready lost Lucy in a horrific way and became a single parent at quite a young age. We know that he met Lucy after leaving Little Lamplight, and she obviously died after Duncan was born. We know she’s been dead for a least two years because MacCready says she’s been gone for a few years. That means he lost his wife, the person he trusted the most and became a single parent when he was likely still a teenager. And despite this he has arguably the healthiest relationship with the death. He still blames himself for it, but he has come to terms with it the best he can.

It serves as the reason as to why he is a single parent, which I think has more of an affect on him as a character than her actual death does. Growing up in Little Lamplight, and being in charge of it for a bit likely forced him to grow up faster than is healthy, but having a child at such a young age with no one to lean on but your partner who died sent that into overdrive. 

Yes, the final affinity talk is about Lucy, but given this is when you are able to pursue a romantic relationship with him, it makes sense. But here is why I think it makes sense that she died, and didn’t walk out on him, which could be seen as an alternative. He says that he never got the chance to tell her who he really was. She died believing he was a soldier and not a mercenary, which seriously messed him up. Part of him feels like she might have not loved him if he had told her the truth. It not only adds to the grief he feels, but also the joy he feels when Sole tells him they love him, because they truly do know him for who he is. 

They could have gone in about a million different ways with his character in Fallout 4, but with the way they went what happened makes sense.

Then there’s Deacon, who I have mixed feelings about. Him being violently against synths before joining the Railroad makes for an interesting story, and a good reason as to why he is the way he is, but I’m not fond of how Barbara fits into the story. I understand that there would have to be some sort of redemption in order for him to join the Railroad, but I don’t think Barbara’s death was the best choice.I mean a death of someone he is close to makes sense, but it didn’t have to be his wife. Unlike Boone and MacCready where it makes sense for them specifically to be dead, it doesn’t for Deacon. Her death is just seen as retribution for the pain he caused. They could have very easily have just made it a close friend. While it makes sense for him to have such a dark history, they could have gone with anything, as the specifics of what happened don’t play a large role in who he is as a person.

Now, Valentine. Yes, Jenny was his fiancée not his wife, but close enough. Unlike Deacon, where they could have done anything for his background, it makes sense that someone had to die to make sure Nick was well and truly invested. The thing here is that it absolutely did not not have to be his fiancée, his professional partner dying could have achieved the same effect for him. Now, what’s different here is that her death isn’t really the sad or important part, it’s his identity crisis and justice that are. It is the Original Nick’s memories that spur him on, but justice for her death specifically isn’t the takeaway. It is the desire to do the right thing, and your actions being your own are.

Finally, we have Old Longfellow. This one is going to be super short. Old Longfellow is old by human wastelander standards. While I understand they want to provide a proper explanation as to why he dislikes the Children of Atom, him just being around for a long time and seeing and hearing everything would be reason enough. Hannah, that was her name if you didn’t know, I had to look it up, dying does the opposite of what the writer’s want. Instead of gaining sympathy for him it pushes players away, making her death the most unimportant one. You can’t even tell that that’s what is affecting him. They should have just focused on the thing with Shipbreaker. That would fit both his character, and the whole aesthetic of Far Harbor very well.

[queenofallwitches]

Why I hate people who spend their adult life arguing online;

1. Well it’s juvenile , I personally prefer to leave any and all pseudo intellectual social discourse in my 6th grade debating class...

2. You aren’t anyone important and not saying novel things, you are using people who have put information that is novel and trying to spin it into your own agenda.

3. Waste of time, fools will be foolish, and if you enjoy the discourse, toastmasters or academic debating would be more productive uses of time

4. You lack self insight

5. You are self aware and doing it due to your own egotistical, sadistic, cunning desires. (Trolls, deep fakes)

Why I never take anyone who loves to argue on menial topics seriously: (spiritually or mentally)

I am high iq and high eq. I am also “attractive by the conventional measures of society” I deal with the most pathetic and malicious idiots who cannot understand a woman who has aesthetic appeal, that can also hold a stimulating and intelligent conversation.

I don’t argue. I problem solve. Arguing online was faded out when I was 14 years old.

But people who are almost 40, ar still out there pretending that they are the most unique and authoritative source of blogging bullshit. When the world media and journalism is where we are today. The academic literature speaks a plethora more than an adult in the hamster wheel, unable to see they are playing checkers in a left vs right, design by social engineering and the think tanks of Tavistock, you play the part they put you to be.

A dialectic of irrational and repetitive arguments is never productive.

It lacks a solution or a higher order of resolution, why are you behaving to destroy when you are claiming to want to create a world better?

So unconscious and unexplained lack of self awareness in adults who are obviously insecure and ignorant becomes old quick.

I comprehend why it’s important but the level of the argument is basic, and been recycled 1000000 times.

Why am I writing this? Free speech is not free. If you can discourse over the same shit and never find a solution you are part of the same fucking problem.

How I know?

Life experience. Learning.

Love of learning and living and devouring the higher level of what if, how can we, let’s move into a better solution.

I have many years of experience that is beyond the understanding of most people and I have gone through things nobody understands.

One time I was a young teen, but was already too smart, too sassy, too aware and that left my life a wreck after I went too far.

I DID get expelled in the 11th grade. I’m no idiot, I am actually genius, by measures of conventional iq.

So I was academically talented without effort, not to boast, because I hated being smart.

But I did get the internet social discourse I needed to say; on things that we should be all knowing are social engineering in a designed dichotomy to divide and conquer.

I was in a program in high school called cum laude. I cannot recall the meaning. But we were advanced academics, not only skilled at learning but sports, extra curricular things like musicals, choir, crusade survivor camps (duke of Edinburgh), debating, tutoring/mentoring younger students & more. I won many awards without trying. Mostly for geography (social science), design tech, visual art & creative writing. I was learning university level things in year 8. And examining and analysis to debate in scholarly discourse about topics that were familiar when I was in 1-2 year of my bachelor degree. An example is philosophy, as this was mandated in the GT program. Smart is my sense of knowing how to balance the logical and the emotional. This is ONE percent of my life but one I did not follow through on and as a result I walk this path now, and I put up with the educated and intelligent “idiots” (like conformity, bullying, bitching kids in the same class) and refuse to stoop to low iq, low eq and low level idiots.

You waste time. I am not saying I am only exclusive to educated or academic professionals, that is not what this is about. This is about me being underestimated and undermined and never taken seriously because I get the most inhuman torment if I do start to speak my truth.

Lucky I found comfort in solitary rebellion. So. Let’s see what I am that is always going to be a work in progress but what my enemies forget all the time.

To remind you:

I am a born, intuitive empath, psychic and ancestral lineages of many esoteric paths play into my natural ability. I used to hate feeling, knowing and perceiving things that I could see happening, in my dreams, visions and “gnosis” before they happened. I felt powerless.

But now I know how to harness it, things change.

And yet still I have to sit back and observe, as I did for years in school, and then in the fucking shithole employment situation that was my consequence of 2 expulsions from schools. (They value conformity over fucking intelligence) I had a gang of kids in my last high school sign a petition to have me expelled and that is one example of how people in my life come to attack, hate, misunderstand and spit venom for no reason.

I never push that energy myself. But I call things as I see them. I am real , and my perception is primed to pierce the veil on those who lack authenticity, who are bullies, cunning, cruel, conformists, deep fakes, fraudulent, following orders for the sake of fear, or just narcissistic or psychopathic “organic portals” who carry out the agenda for the black lodge.

I have no issue if these people want to live a life away from me and what I protect. But when my sphere is crossed into on a repeated basis, I will study the situation in silence. I won’t speak of what I see, without objective and subjective factors weighed in a careful, cautious but not closed minded, way. See you and I are probably not the same because I’m the kind of human who always gives people the benefit of the doubt and believes that people are better, that is my detriment and my strength. I see the good and hope that others carry a genuine heart and soul. But my experience shows me that I am not wrong when I feel off, or intuitive feelings are ignored due to my “dismissal”.

When I find the truth, I always say, I knew I needed to listen to my heart and head.

That’s why I can never be broken, or betrayed, or backstabbed worse than before. It is always a learning lesson I am open to growing from.

I am always open to being wrong, or told how to be better, my flaws are on open display and I am not scared of that. I want to be more helpful to grow and nourish the people and places I interact with.

In my world, arguing online was a dying medium by my 18th birthday. For many reasons. But the enemy is a sucker for this divide and conquer, drama bred social and political bullshit that’s all just opinion and speculation. It creates a negative tone and teaches nothing of novelty or wisdom. It just shows how weak, insecure, paranoid, and self obsessed people who are too old for the high school bullshit, by miles, are. my enemies could even spit out the first longing to follow the death cult of the black lodge, I was already aware of what 95 % of you found out in 2020. I don’t mean to be pretentious or pompous, I’m not. I’m actually the most passionate, loving and open minded human I know. But the people who come into my spaces to play to prey. Imposters and the immoral, A siphoning sickness in a role to ruin, how could anyone do that but someone who is a soul-devoid parasite? That’s real fucking discourse. Let’s talk about morality, moral principles and how they are applied and actualised into the metacogition of your own microcosm.

Suggestions and solutions?

How about discourse on the metaphysics of mystic, magick, the mind and the method to mend the mundane world into a manifestation where a symbiotic system of mutually beneficial prosperity, peace, collaboration, creation & harmony can be lived on a daily basis?

How about solutions and sitting with your own shadow in the darkness to see your flaws.

how they only give me a free pass to watch the shit show. when push comes to shove and patterns that are seen in your behaviour, cyclically, are the key that unlocks the truth of anyone’s hidden motivation.

Why is deception and destruction never noted by the deceived, unless someone like me comes to break the wall of ignorance to say “hey this is the truth and it hurts and looks vile but fucking wake up”. No I don’t like the ripple impact this has but at the same time I am aw woman of strength. I will stand up for the real, authentic and genuine truth and speak my mind.

I don’t sugar coat this bullshit.

Nor will I indulge it.

Let alone be a person who lets it seep it’s tendrils into my life and what I love.

Not ever. Never.

As someone wise once said “despair ends, tactics begin”

You cannot claim any authentic path without putting your soul, blood and spirit to the test of facing your demons, slaying the darkness. I am not sure that comes with what I and others see these action and behaviour presenting to be.

I rarely write things like this, and only want to address this because i walk on a path of “rose and thorn”. My thorn will eventually slay whatever is a threat, a charlatan or a sheep in wolves clothing. By accident. Because what you are lacking is always looking to attack, I am always having to protect and defend my life from the evil.

I see you. I know the hidden hand x64. I am always open to forgiving people if they are sincere but will play reflection of the adverse if passive people are coming to what to me, is a beautiful and amazing thing, and to be acting as agents of sabotage? Shame on your lack of soul, and it’s lack of seeking to steal, stain and shit all over the things of substance, spirituality and sincerity will always be seen when I am the seer seeing the undertones.

So where is the moral compass?

Find yourself, and then you can find something real that is yours to be into and love. Maybe even this. But to fuck with what is real, while being fake, and following orders, is by far, fence sitting and fraudulent, insidious & infantile activity. Why not spend time looking inside to see why you are following this order from who for what? What is your genuine purpose? Soul mission? Higher self ? Or are you all still stuck in the love is the law is the law love under the will of the guy who wrote a book last century.

Fucking even Crowley lived his great work, and he has flaws and did things many would dispute to be “evil”. But he didn’t copy another clone from 100 years prior, following the mantra that someone else made up. That’s the stupid thing, the whole “do what thou wilt” was not do what you want but that is not a strong point for the sheep of the worst. I know as I see both sides, and as a child in the 90s I saw the dark, evil and insidious. To see that again, here, 3 decades later, playing coy but really carrying rancid intent.. is my call to commune what many will never see, because you all are complicit, and tell these fucking lies and divert productive progress by your stupid discourse. These people LOVE senseless debating. Semantics. Solutions, self awareness or seek a soul inside the empty cavern that the black lodge will set inside your sadistic serpentine, slimy soul.

[evilisk]

Reading Len’En Profiles Pt 3

We’re rounding off the cast of EMS by looking at the “Yachie-length”* profiles of Sukune and the Snakes.

(*No seriously, these profiles are frigging big)

= = =

So the three upcoming profiles don’t just give us details about each individual character. The information between the three characters give us a complete backstory to the events of Earthen Miraculous Sword. This backstory can be summarized as:

In Len’En’s version of the Orochi myth, Orochi’s corpse lead to the birth of 7 Adagumo Siblings (with Yaorochi being the sword wielding arm of Orochi, and Saragimaru being one of their Eyes).

Though they were born from Orochi’s corpse and vowed revenge on those that killed them, Yaorochi only really had eyes for the sword stolen from them, the Kusanagi / Tasouken. Their obsession with Tasouken even lead to them attacking Saragimaru at some point.

Yaorochi went after the Tasouken when it was lost at sea during, what I think is, the Len’En version of the Tale of Genji (I’m only vaguely familiar with the Tale of Genji between the Warriors Orochi and Genji series of games, so I might be wrong on this). Saragimaru waited for their return by the shore while the remaining Adagumo siblings perished without completing their revenge.

Yaorochi returned with Tasouken, but it was completely rusted at this point. Saragimaru witnessed this return, but Yaorochi did not seem to be aware of who they were (it is mentioned in Saragimaru’s profile that they did not get to reveal themselves as family to Yaorochi, which means they certainly met at one point).

For a time it seemed that Yaorochi had been lifted from their obsession with the blade. Then Yaorochi vanishes. There’s a big timeskip between the next “meeting” of Saragimaru and Yaorochi. Yaorochi begins to fall into a type of depression.

Saragimaru eventually notices Yaorochi in Mugenri. They realize that Yaorochi has become hollow due to the state of the sword. They become sickened by this, as they fear Yaorochi’s obsession with Tasouken, as well as Tasouken’s true power, but they cannot bring back the “true” Yaorochi without reviving Tasouken.

Saragimaru commissions Sukune to create the clay replica, but they don’t pick up the completed sword. Despite this, Yaorochi eventually runs into Sukune and notices the blade.

Yaorochi lies to Sukune, pretending to be a holy servant who can make Sukune’s works complete (there’s this whole bit about crafting and divine spirits in Sukune’s profile that you can check out on your own). They plan the ritual to transfer the power of Tasouken into the clay replica.

The story ends at “designated protagonist breaking into the ritual chamber, about to confront Yaoorchi”

As for my personal thoughts on this backstory... this backstory is so sad :/ It’s also really compelling. But it’s just really sad T_T, like will somebody please give Saragimaru a hug?? They have been through so much.

Before I go on, I should mention that Tasouken, the secret boss of Stage 6, also has a profile, though I don’t feel like talking about it as Tasouken isn’t really a character. The most relevant info here is that Tasouken apparently can’t be wielded by humans. This basically confirms that Orochi was a youkai (this was not clear just from Yaorochi’s profile) which his leads me to wonder if Saragimaru’s dislike of humans comes from Orochi’s death by trickery...

Anyway, onto the character relevant parts of each profile. 

= = =

Stage 5 Boss - Sukune Katano

Original Opinion: I can’t lie here, I kind of knew about Sukune before my deep dive into this series. Ages ago, I watched a video of Earthen Miraculous Sword (I think it was probably Jaimers’ clear of the game). The bosses didn’t really impress me at the time... up until I got to Sukune’s fight. Sukune’s fight kind of blew me away. It’s hard not to be impressed by like, giant Haniwa and Haniwa artilleries. Their fight also helped me *get* what Len’En’s aesthetic is meant to be (it’s drab and low technology af)

When I finally got the chance to fight them for myself, I was just as impressed as the first time I saw them in action, though Sukune’s personality didn’t seem very appealing (again, I don’t like ditzy characters). Now that I’ve gone through and recorded all their conversations for my side-blog, and have also played RMI, I think I can say I honestly like Sukune. When I get to making a “Top Len’En Characters” post, I’ll probably go into more detail there, but all you need to know is Sukune is a character that’s interesting in their first appearance and only gets more interesting the further you get into the series.

Thoughts on their profile: 

Most of their profile is lore about how divine spirits work and that’s whatever. I mean, I get why it’s there. It’s to explain the backstory and how Yaorochi’s plot works. I just don’t have any meaningful commentary about it.

When the profile mentioned how Sukune feels most of their works are incomplete failures, I really felt that. Also, now I can’t help but feel Kuroji is kind of a jerk for dismissing their works.

Though I also feel bad about Sukune being tricked by Yaorochi too.

Sukune loving to open sake bottles but not actually liking to drink alcohol is the funniest thing.

New Opinion: I don’t think my opinion has changed of them, but they’re still really, really cool and I’m so glad that they became one of the series’ recurring player characters

= = =

Stage 6 Boss - Adagumo no Yaorochi

Original Opinion: I didn’t really care for Yaorochi in EMS. I felt they were outshone by every other boss (in terms of personality and musical theme), though their fight was still kind of fun. RMI made me like them a bit more between their powerful shot type, their cool Team theme and their depiction in their route. They give off a really strong “why did I leave my house, I should have just stayed indoors with Tasouken” and it is honestly hilarious. 

Basically, EMS Yaorochi is a cheesy, boring villain, while RMI Yaorochi is more like a single-minded, anti-social dork who immediately regrets trying to get out of their comfort zone

Thoughts on their profile: 

Yaorochi still seems like a massive dork, but the bit about them basically having had depression makes them so much more relatable now.

I think the strange “love triangle” going on between Yaorochi, Tasouken and Saragimaru is fascinating. Saragimaru cares for Yaorochi, Yaorochi only cares for Tasouken, and Tasouken’s full potential can seemingly only be used by Saragimaru, but Saragimaru has no interest in anything other than Yaorochi’s happiness. It’s just all so interesting. It’s just a shame that Yaorochi is the least interesting character in this dynamic, since they know absolutely nothing about what’s going on.

I’m glad that Yaorochi is at least mentioned as feeling bad for tricking Sukune, though I’m not sure how I feel about Yaorochi and Sukune still being a thing in RMI.

New Opinion: While I like Yaorochi a bit more, I still think I’d have to rank them low on the EMS cast. No offense to Yaorochi at all, but someone’s gotta be last, and if I have to choose between Sluggo and Snek being in that spot, well...

= = =

Stage EX Boss - Adagumo no Saragimaru

Original Opinion: I also felt Saragimaru was a little underwhelming in EMS, though I still ended up liking them over their sibling for their design and their amazing boss theme. RMI made it easier to like them since they got partnered with my favourite MC and gave them hilarious banter with them. I wouldn’t put them over Sukune or Hibaru, but I’d say they’re comfortably tied with Lumen and Jun for third. In all, I like ‘em for the fun banter and the dorky Youmu-esque vibes I get from them.

Thoughts on their profile: 

Somebody please give this snek a hug, they have been through so much T_T

More seriously, the whole “can’t seem to approach Yaorochi” thing explains why Saragimaru acts like such a weirdo when you encounter them in RMI as Yaorochi

As I mentioned before, the whole Yaorochi -> Tasouken -> Saragimaru -> Yaorochi triangle is just so fascinating. It’s rather interesting that Saragimaru can theoretically use Tasouken to its full potential (wait, is it “can” is it “could have”, now that Tasouken is a bottle opener)

I just realized that Yaorochi/Saragimaru is the Koishi/Satori and Flandre/Remilia dynamic but more compelling. 

Wait, this weird “unappreciated sibling” dynamic is why they got paired up with Kuroji isn’t it? That pairing makes so much more sense now.

New Opinion: Yeah okay, I think after reading through their profile, Saragimaru is easily my third favourite Earthen Miraculous Sword character. It’s a bit unfair to Lumen and Jun as they’re side characters that get much smaller profiles, but Saragimaru is so incredibly interesting to me now.

= = =

Final Thoughts

I am actually really impressed with JynX’s writing in this game. Evanescent Existence’s story and characters didn’t really impress me, even if it was conceptually very interesting. Earthen Miraculous Sword was not only an immediate improvement (since one of my favourite characters is a flippin’ Stage 1 Boss) but I actually feel that the writing is on par with the Touhou series. And I’m not one of those people that dismisses the writing in Touhou either; the whole Tasouken / Saragimaru / Yaorochi backstory and dynamic is easily as compelling as Touhou’s best. 

If there’s one thing I take issue with, it’s that all the best writing in this game is confined to the profiles rather than the in-game banter... even that’s not a huge issue to me since it’s an issue that could just as easily be said of the official Touhou games (the shooters at least). 

= = =

Ranking the EMS Cast:

Hibaru Kokutenshi

Sukune Katano

Adagumo no Saragimaru

Jun Amanomiya / Lumen Celeritas

Shou Amanomori

Adagumo no Yaorochi

[birdlingstarot]

hi dear birdling!! if it’s possible, can i ask how i was like in my past life? just curious! thank youu -y💕

Hello  🌻 y💕!

A little birdie told me this 🕊

What represents you in the past life? The Child

Immediately, we could tell that you are a young soul in your past life, to put it into human age, it would be like a young teen. You were confused yet had this lonely and serene feeling. Likely, you are intuitive in your past life and though young, knew much more intuitively wise. 

You could had felt alienated in your past life due to your high level intuition. In addition, you might had troubles identifying your emotions and how you should feel in your past life as you wished to be like the others. However, it felt that you, yourself felt that you had not have succeeded with the people around your age. 

You could had been an older sister in your family - either the only child or the oldest, you could have had one or two younger sisters. I also felt that you could had been born from a lower-middle class family. Your family consists of your grandparents, parents and one to three children, likely all female.

You had good relationships with the elderly, especially female elderly, likely your grandmother. Your grandmother could had been the one to fill in the motherly or parental figure in your past life due to both your parents working. I felt that in your past life, you could had felt only close to your grandmother.

You were a quiet person to others, introverted. However, you possessed a child-like curiosity. In fact, you had been questioning yourself as to why the world, society and people work the way they were. It felt that you had an ideal world in your mind on how the world, society and people should work, with kindness, honesty etc. 

As you grew older, the questions had not stopped and in fact, you had continued questioning them, holding on to your ideal world and feeling helpless to change the life and environment around you to become closer to your ideal. 

I felt that you had volunteered in your past life, especially either in the elderly home or the orphanage. You were likely an empath in your past life and that you had a naturally nurturing personality.

You might not have given birth to your own children but took care of an orphanage. Either that or you had adopted children. Note: childREN.

One area you had trouble with other than your emotions were from peer pressure. I felt that you are a people pleaser, thus there are many times where you had done something for others unwillingly, though nothing illegal. 

The environment you were born in in your past life were like that of a village, those wooden / straw huts - similar to Kampung Village. It has a hot climate.

You could had been born in July or the 7th of a month.

How does others perceive you in your past life? Wild Woman

Generally, you had an unique direction that you take in your past life. Not in the way that you pursue an uncommon path but the way you do things and find joy in them.

Others felt that you had a very different view of the world and due to your child-like wonder, they felt that some actions that you had performed were out of the blue, such as playing a game by yourself or just having fun during farming. 

You could had been working in a farm, planting crops by hand and taking care of farm animals, though your main job is taking care of crops. 

People can’t seem to understand you and some felt that you had your head in the cloud. However, that is just your nature. This had came about due to the things you say and your intuition which is uncommon in your area, as well as your reaction to certain situations. (You pure child)

You were able to find beauty in things and areas that others could not or couldn’t be bothered about, which made you sad. Since, why live a life where nothing is beautiful??? 

They felt that they could not control you and that you were out of their reach. There are quite a few that admire you and the nature of you that is just so otherworldly to them. They wanted to get a taste of the joy you feel from mundane tasks, see the beauty that you found which they were unable to. 

To them, you were a dancer with your own, unique rhythm, far out of their reach yet so mesmerizing. 

Some felt that they were unworthy to be by your side and so leads to three different style of coping with that - Ignoring, Being your friend and Backstabber that spread rumors about you behind your back.

I felt that you had a male life partner with you that had felt inadequate beside you. He loved you and had held you in high regards that he felt that he wasn’t enough for you. In fact, he had an insecurity of you leaving him for someone better than him. He is very shy, stuttering and becoming slightly clumsy in front of you. 

Kind of like:

You - It’s hot today, do you want a drink? I can go and buy some.

Him - NONO IT’S OKAY!! I’LL BUY FOR YOU and proceeds to literally walk to a nearby home that sells snacks and drinks, leaving you sitting on a rock or seat somewhere

Him - SH*T! I DIDN’T ASK HER WHAT SHE WANTED!!!! AHHHHH!!!! and proceeds to buy like 5 different bottles of drink and some snacks for the both of you, coming back to you with an apologetic look

He always wants to take care of you although he might not had been the beefiest. (He was kind of skinny… slightly taller than you but skinny) (You love him though ;) ) (Why are yall so cute???)

You enjoyed the nature in your past life, such as taking walks and being lowkey super enthusiastic, especially with flowers, fruits and smol animals, especially birds. You could had wished to be a bird in your past life, to feel free yet secure with your flock. 

Kind of like:

You see a flower.

You, Internally, - OMG! THAT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER? WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?? …

You, Externally, - Straight face, unmoving in the middle of the pavement or road. 

(Though your man knows you like them!! He just looks at your shining eyes and just feel so soft inside. He will totally push you to taking a closer look if it’s safe while you try to convince him that both of you can continue since it’s not a big deal, but he just wants to see your face light up. Will try to pluck or buy the same flowers for you as soon as possible to surprise you.)

(This is straight out of left field but I feel that both you are afraid of cockroaches. Both of you would be screaming and crying on top of the couch but he will try to destroy that offender with a slipper albeit being scared and jumpy. Will scream with you and hug you on top of the couch why it flies or starts moving) (He’s trying his best) (You love him though)

Others feel that you are good with your hands. You could had a handicraft hobby, like making bracelets, charms, etc. which people love to look at, because aesthetic. It was due to you being more detailed-oriented than time-orientated. (You likely don’t feel that is true but it is 🙄)

In front of strangers or acquaintances, you had a very strong guard over your emotions, which led to you doing things unwillingly and had to endure though.

However, with people you were close to, you were very honest with them regrading your emotions. It felt that you had a small group of close friends, ranging from 3 to 5, and likely to be all females.

 How do you perceive yourself in your past life? Soul Retrieval

Due to the fact that you felt lost in your past life, you were on a path of self-discovery. You felt that you did not belong where you live and was in search of your home, your identity, your self and your soul.

In fact, you look towards the past for that. To put it in metaphorical terms, look at the card of Soul Retrieval, you are a butterfly that keeps looking back to the cocoon that you had escaped from and searching for the caterpillar inside. 

You take what others say about you very seriously and this could had caused you to become even more confused about the answer that you were searching for. Metaphorically speaking, are you a butterfly? or are you a bird? 

Looking at the card, the sun in the background does not look to be a real sun but a fake sun. This comes to me as that you are looking and were guided to look for the answers at the wrong place. 

Ask yourself. What is the significance of the answer to you? Do you really need the answers to the questions you are asking? How would it benefit you? Are your questions pushing yourself to bettering yourself or limiting yourself?

You had a tendency to question if what you are doing is right and needed someone to back you up that you are doing right. You gain confidence from what others tell you, which could be troubling in the long run. This could had carried on to your current life as to need a safety net for your every actions and not having confidence in your abilities.

Instead of searching your past, you should direct yourself to searching your heart. What do you truly feel? What do you truly want? Your image of your heart should not depicts what others say about what they want from you. This had been or still is a painful road for you but you should endure through it as what you would gain along the journey and at the end would be very fulfilling to you.

In fact, be truly like the Wild Woman, to be comfortable in your own skin. Be confident in yourself that others’ opinions don’t matter as much. Find what truly makes you you, makes you happy. Don’t feel discouraged by the nonconformity that you are but strut it.

This is probably not the best way to say it but we would all die one day, might as well live a life that makes you the happiest. Who cares if people think you’re crazy? That’s also a way to human.

Some of the questions here and the way you feel from these three questions could had carried on in your current life. The best way to describe is similar to unresolved karma. 

What had you learnt in your past life? Is This Me?

Great news! You had learnt part of your identity of yourself. However, I feel that this journey had yet to be fully completed. You had learnt to be confident in some parts of yourself but not all, which leads to you still feeling quite insecure in your current life. You are hesitant in fighting for yourself as you do not fully have confidence in yourself. In fact, you might even had a tendency to let people walk over you but you’re learning! Therefore, you might be able to hold your ground more in your current life than your previous life! Good job!! 

I’m not very worried as it seemed that you had a clear idea of what you are striving for within yourself and is able to clearly see what other people offer to you, both the negative and positive. This is part of the reason as to why you are able to be more firm in your standing as you have a strong logic to back up your reasoning and actions.

This does not mean that you are not an empath, in fact, you have very high emphatic ability. It just means that you closer to achieving a balance between being an empath and not being one. In your past life, you were very emotionally drained by the people around you or those that seeks you out due to your nurturing aura. You could be dealing with similar situations in your current life that emotionally drains you but it’s better compared to your past life. Keep it up!

There could be a battle between your intuition and root of yourself with your heart regarding this issue. As a part of you wants to help the other party as much as you could while the other part of you knows how it will end for you and/or the other party. This is something that you were struggling with in your past life which could also bring forth into your current life. However, I am seeing that you would learn to trust your intuition more and learn to fight for yourself to ensure that you are in a better state of mind. 

As you would know that the best person to help an unstable person is a stable one. If you would like to help someone, ask yourself if you are in a ground stable enough to deal with the quake the other person might bring. If you are unstable as well, it’s going to be an earthquake and basically sh*t will go wrong, resulting in hurt for both of you.

You have a vulnerable yet strong feminine energy that you could further energize in your current life. To put it in a simpler form is that you have the potential to become a strong, independent feminine entity that is comfortable with her vulnerability which is very charming yet hard to achieve but you have a great potential in that! So no worries! 

Don’t worry about the tears and pain of the journey. In fact, you would be able to learn from them. This is also part of the charm of the feminine entity, to rise not below nor above, but the rise with the tears and pain which had incorporate with who you are. 

Since you learn to rise with the tears and pain, this helps to keep you grounded and keep your kind heart open to others, which is beautiful.

Three areas of her identity that you had learnt in your past life:

1. Frog Spirit; Clear out the clutter

Straightforward, isn’t it. You learnt to be able to identity what you need and what you don’t as well as to rid yourself of the parts that you do not need in your life. 

You had learnt in your past life how to word your sentences so that people were not offended by you. In fact, you are able to show your empathy through your words, tone and way of speaking. This also helps you in clearing out what you do not require in your life at that moment as likely, you would be able to end terms on a neutral or high note.

This would had carried on to your current life that you are able to word your sentences kindly and that you have a low possibility to hurt others with your words unknowingly. 

You had also learnt to align what you speak and believe, which result in a strong backbone in how people are able to perceive and feel that what you say to them are genuine which allows you the ability to both help and mend relationships. In your current life, you could find yourself being able to mend relationships you thought were impossible as well.

Your heart chakra is very strong and is very open! You may be a predominantly heart chakra person.

2. Electric Eel Spirit; Bring your ideas to life

You had learnt to make your ideal a reality. This also back up the fact that you have a way with words that is able to charge the areas around you and change the current to what you want. 

However, be careful as to becoming too cunning with your words to get people to do what you want as people would realise sooner or later that you are not genuine which would become disadvantageous to you. Paralyzing and poisoning your relationship with others.

In fact, with your words, you are able to slip out of many difficult situation. 

In addition, you had learnt to work well under slight pressure or changes in situation as to not become stagnant. However, you might not be able to do well under very high pressure so do note to take care of yourself and release stress. In fact, what you listen to could really help you in this area. If you are feeling particularly stressed, you might want to listen to slow and soft music or sounds and vice versa if you are feeling particularly stagnant. 

Similar to how the card is portrayed, you work well in situations with a little spark.

3. Dolphin Spirit; This and that are true

You had learnt that there are multiple truths to a situation and accepted that. To explain this better, if you were to put a cup on a table and asked which side is the handle on, people standing around the table would have different answers and they are all correct.

Knowing this fact, you are able to accept different situations and views of others easier than others. This had also help you accept yourself and bring light into what was once dark and unknown to you. This might had become something that you intuitively know.

In addition, this had helped you heal past scars.

In fact, you would intuitively know how to kindly word a sentence to tell someone and even if you had to burst their bubble, you would be able to word your sentences that would minimise the negative impact of bursting the bubble for others.

What is something that you had not yet completely learnt that had been brought forth into your current life? Temperance

In your past life, you had not yet completely learnt to balance things in your life, which is likely referring how you perceived yourself and your empathy. 

You have trouble refusing to help others and tend to let others overwhelm you with their issues, which could lead to them using you as an emotional punching bag. 

You had yet to set a good balance between helping others and helping yourself. Please remember that you do not own others anything and that you are not obliged to help them.

Remember that you, yourself is someone that needs help sometimes and that you should help others when it helps you as well. Not well it affects you to the point of emotionally draining you.

You should learnt to be limiting of who you let enter your comfort. To protect the little home you have within yourself that makes you feel safest and relaxed. You, yourself, is a sacred place for yourself and others, if others and even you do not respect that, you are bound to get hurt.

You are able to intuitively know when something’s amiss so trust that and work on it. You should deal with the weeds as soon as possible to the sacred garden within you. 

Similar to the lady in the card, you do not need to show full empathy to others. Trust your intuition and decide if you were to open the door to your little comfy home to others.

Another area that you had yet to completely learn in your past life is being able to emotionally support yourself.

Currently, you are like a daisy, you need water (emotions) from others regularly to identity yourself.

Instead, you should learn to be like a catus who can go for a long time without water (emotions) from others. 

This might be referring to a need for others to regularly validate you. Instead of turning to others for to validate yourself, you should learnt to validate yourself. This would build up the confidence to stand firm in your ground.

In addition, like the catus, have small spikes that protect yourself from others. You do not need to shoot your spikes if they are at a comfortable distance away, only when they get too close for your comfort. To put it plainly, is to set a boundary for yourself and others and abide by it. 

Similar to a plant, you would be ever-changing. At different situation of you life, you can change the set boundaries.

What is your current situation? What is your current health? What are you willing to put up with? What are you NOT willing to put up with? 

These are some questions you would need to ask prior to diving into helping others. 

Is there anything you would like to tell me regarding  🌻 y💕 ‘s past life? Vertigo; Whatever you choose will be correct

You might be too concerned with what happened in your past. 

In fact, we are telling you that you do not have to worry too much about your route from the past life or in this current life as everything you choose would be correct.

This could apply to your current life as it seems that you are trying to get more information to make a decision. We are telling you that everything will be okay. Whether you choose a well-walked path or a path that no one walked before, your choice is correct. 

To be confident in yourself as you have many opportunities for you to take. Even if one particular path is blocked or disappeared in your life, there are still others. To not worry as the divine spirit guides are protecting you and helping you through. 

In addition, every situations have more than infinity ways to handle and that each of them are correct. If you choose to help? It’s the correct action. If you choose not to? Yeap, it’s correct. 

Overall, you are a young empath that is trying to get through life in both your past and current life. In fact, you current self is closer to how you are in your past life than you might think! 

We hope this had helped you,  🌻 y💕! 

For now, the little birdie shall return home 🏡 ~ Ring our doorbell whenever!

Rest well 💤 ~

[romyism]

     – 𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐡𝐚 , 𝐚𝐲 – it’s ya girl , 𝒖𝒉 , skinny penis. jkjk , it’s only me , cc , local apocalyptic Hoe and i’ve been kinda sick lately Whoops. i’m a cst-er and go by she/her pronouns and will respond to any nickname i receive. i’m bringing my bby romy into this friend group and honestly ? she’s quite a handful so i’m gonna sneak in this apology first thing because phew , she’s so much i almost put ‘ these hands / her fists ’ as her weapon but i didn’t think that was the best idea for her.

( kim yerim → twenty → cisfemale ) ROSEMARY “ROMY” NA has been spotted hiding in the cabin. when you see HER, the odds of seeing them with a HIKING STICK in their hand is very likely. apparently their friends see them as the INCENDIARY - which makes total sense seeing as they’re VENTUROUS & PERCIPIENT as well as being CLIMACTIC & PROVOKING. i just hope they can survive the apocalypse…

AESTHETIC: holding back rambunctious laughter in a silent library, never being afraid to confront someone who’s done you wrong, a wide smile with a busted lip, the feeling of the wind blowing through your hair, half-buttoned dress shirts and short skirts, taped fingers from your latest fight, never being seen without a smile, being fiercely protective of the ones you love, the bigger the hoop the bigger the:, pulling hair in the non-sexual way and always being known as a firecracker.

* QUICK STATS /

full name: 나 로미  /  na romi  / rosemary na nickname(s): romy preferred name: romy age / dob: twenty  /  may , twenty-third , ‘ninety-nine gender: cisfemale  /  she/her pronouns label: the incendiary  ( designed to start fires / tending to stir up conflict ) faceclaim: loml , kim yerim ( yeri from rv )

* QUICK FACTS / HEADCANONS

legally blind, her glasses are thick af and she isn’t afraid to give someone a headache by making them wear her glasses.

is never seen without a smile on her face , even if she’s getting pulled out of a fist fight or is having a yelling match with someone.

a mix of class clown with drama queen so all in all: a+ annoyance. major annoyance. just isn’t afraid to make an inappropriate joke at an inappropriate time.

like stated above , is also super dramatic. just one of those girls that’ll scream at the slightest inconvenience just to laugh about it.

is very confrontational and isn’t afraid to start a fight if she feels like she or one of her friends has been wronged

has daddy issues but will joke about her dad like he’s a part of her life all the time.

has been in a lot of fights , have gotten a lot of stitches and casts and has had her ass handed to her multiple times but has no intentions of stopping.

genuinely has been getting into physical fights since like the fourth grade and definitely knows how to fight and surprisingly HASN'T gotten charged for assault or battery yet considering she's definitely the type to start AND finish a bar fight and has spent a night in local sherriff's stations.

her weapon is a hiking stick but she's ... good FDSKLASJA, hand to hand isn't the BEST idea with zombies but she's gonna try anyway. ( also, she's probably taped a knife to the end of the hiking stick and probably twirls it a lot, bobbi morse style and doesn't take it seriously smh )

a happy , dramatic , fighting small gorl. so kinda like a golden retriever honestly.

*BULLET POINT BIO

where can i even begin ? to sum up romy’s life in a nutshell , she’s a bundle of trouble who’s gotten into a lot of fights and has some big daddy issues , okay ? if you want a taste of who she is , she’s inspired a lot by the song HER by chase atlantic :)

but ! basically , born to korean immigrants , romy was given a very american name in hopes of giving her a normalized life in america. she was only ever spoken to in english , ridding her of a chance to learn her native language and spent very little time to learn about her culture. all of these decisions were made by her mom , who loved romy so much despite having her at a very young age.

from ages one to six , she was pretty happy and had a pretty average life. her dad was a hard worker , learning the ins and outs of computer engineering / software just as it was taking off and had a good enough job to support the family and she was 100 % without a doubt a daddy’s girl. she had him wrapped around her little finger and she just absolutely adored him , no matter what he did.

then , a couple months after her sixth birthday , she remembers watching him pack up a suitcase and leaving. she doesn’t know why and her mom never told her , but she remembers sitting on her bed and seeing her dad through the crack of her door packing up in silence and leaving without even saying goodbye to her , which sorta broke her little heart.

but she could tell it broke her mom’s heart too , so romy just ... continued with life without ever really dealing with it because That’s Just What You Do , you know ? she became a rambunctious little kid and by the time she was in junior high she was a regular trouble maker. she didn’t intend to make life harder for her mom , but she just had a lot to deal with and didn’t know any other way than to throw hands in the girl’s locker room.

she wasn’t horrible , seeing as she still had friends and was quite popular around school. she wasn’t a bully either , but people knew she wasn’t afraid to get knitty gritty. but , even though she’s known for fighting , she spent most of high school just sitting in the front of class cracking jokes with the teacher. if you wanted someone to distract the teacher while you finished your project , romy was your girl.

in the same vein , she was sort of ? a drama queen. would complain loudly and often about nothing , make a big deal out of nothing and wouldn’t be afraid to march up to someone and confront them if she thought she had good reason to. so actually , maybe she was a little bit of a bitch , but that’s just who she was.

barely graduated , still isn’t sure how because she spent her last semester of senior year showing up late and leaving early. but graduated anyway and since she didn’t have the grades for college , left town and started traveling instead. mostly makes money through odd jobs and things locals will pay her to do , so is now mostly a jack of all trades.

*PERSONALITY

oof , uh if you couldn’t tell from the bio , she’s a handful.

her pos traits are venturesome and percipient , meaning basically: she’s adventurous but she’s got a good grip on things. people don’t expect much from her because ... dumb jock who gets into fights , but she’s mostly got a good grip on things fjsdlfdsj. she’s just v courageous and adventurous and is usually the first to volunteer for doing the Thing nobody else wants to do.

her neg traits are climactic and provoking because: she’s dramatic and she’s confrontational. no stranger to a fight , she’s not afraid to start a fight if she feels like she or one of her friends has been done wrong. unfortunately , that means she’s ready to throw down at any given moment which can be problematic because calm down romy.

all in all , a wild spirit that has no intention of calming down. if she was on a reality tv show , she’d be the crazy one because she just ... is a firecracker of a human being.

* WANTED CONNECTIONS

all of them fdsafad

BUT ! i’d love to see some rivals / enemies / neg connections because romy is kinda the worst so people who can’t stand her , people who she’s gotten into fights ( physical or not ) , people who think she’s a bit much , all of the above fdksfs

or someone who she loves dearly ! people she considers blood and would fight for no matter the situation or if they asked!

someone she has an unrequited crush on or vice versa ! someone who has she has a mutual crush on but she has daddy issues so it never really works out fjdsa any gender for this one babY

hook ups / exes cause again ... daddy issues. any gender bbies !

ex friends ??? we love an angsty friendship connection here where they used to be friends and something happened and they WANT to be friends again but it’s Complicated.

ex enemies !!! FKDSJ where they ‘hate each other’ because of their really rocky past BUT it’s not that deep they actually love each other now.

a smooth lil will they / wont they / exes / angst-y plots because i without a doubt am a hoe for angst in the apocalypse.

if nothing here floats ur boat PLS lmk and we can brainstorm cause i already love all ur muses and want plots with ALL of them.

[unicorns-bookshelf]

Title: The Gilded Wolves

Author: Roshani Chokshi

Genre: fantasy, young adult

Rating: 4/5

~Beware of spoilers~

I feel like lots of people picked up The Gilded Wolves expecting it to be Six of Crows 2.0. Because of that the review section is full of people who were either disappointed that it’s not similar enough or enraged that there are some parallels between the two but they aren’t “good enough” to be an actual copy. It’s disappointing because there’s so much more to say about this book than comparing it to another.

The story takes place in Paris in the year 1889 during Exposition Universelle. Séverin, a hotelier at day and a treasure hunter at night, is trying to restore the inheritance that was unjustly taken from him by the Order of Babel - an organization focused around a fragment of the Tower of Babel that supposedly brings magic and fortune to the place where it’s located. Séverin was supposed to become one of the Patriarchs - heads of the four houses of the Order in France, but, as he believes, his test had been falsified and he was stripped of privileges. However, during his search, he comes across a compass with a map to an artifact that could turn the world and the Order upside down. and along with a group of friends decides to find it.

The Gilded Wolves is a treasure hunt book. Reading it I couldn’t help but think about Indiana Jones, The National Treasure or The Mummy movies. There was even a scene where the characters are chased by a flaming rock rolling down the tunnel. The book was action-packed but between the action, there was always time for some banter or sweet, familial moments. Not to mention the writing that was absolutely beautiful, full of lush descriptions absolutely raw one-liners. The plot had some great twists. One at the end left me hungry for more and I can’t wait for the second part of this book.

A common complaint I heard is that people found the magic system confusing. I personally can’t understand that since to me the magic system basically boils down to “people born with magic can modify things to give them special functions”.  Some do it with flowers, some with stone and some with human brains. “Forging” in this context means “shaping”, shaping the object to do your bidding or shaping the human mind to see what you want it to see. Sure, we don’t exactly know the limits or laws regulating it but I don’t feel like it’s necessary for the story. In this book, magic is closely connected with building the aesthetics of the world - guards with Sphinx masks, animals made of precious stones guarding magical artifacts, dresses that have burnable layers - all of it is supposed to show that magic is deeply ingrained in the world and make it feel extraordinary and unique. Even the history of the world presented in The Gilded Wolves is connected to the magic - where the Babel Fragments were located after God destroyed the Tower civilizations grew and people were able to Forge. Europeans stole one of the Babel Fragments during their crusades and brought it to France. Along with it, they took plenty of Forged objects that the Houses collect and keep in their treasuries away from thieves’ reach.

The only thing I had a problem with was the number of Forged objects the author introduced. After a while, it was difficult to keep track of them and remember which one was supposed to do what. Not to mention there were some that even the characters weren’t sure how to use.

The Gilded Wolves had six main characters, all wonderfully diverse with their own goals. Séverin and Hypnos are French and Algerian and Haitian, respectively. Enrique is half-Spanish, half-Filipino. Laila is Indian and Zofia is Jewish and autistic. Enrique is also bisexual and Hypnos is gay. Through them, the author tells a story of racism and the effects of colonization in that period of time. Laila often gets mistaken for a maid, Enrique is considered “not Philipino enough” to be taken seriously by the group of Filipino writers he wants to join, Hypnos is looked down upon by the other house Patriarch because he’s mixed. 

I loved the characters separately and I loved the friendship between them, especially between them and Hypnos. I was pretty sure he was going to betray them at first but he turned out to be an absolute sweetheart and one of my favorite characters together with Zofia. One thing I didn’t appreciate, however, was the amount of absolutely overbearing and unnecessary romance. 

Each part of Séverin’s POV was full of Laila. No matter what was going on, if he remembered Laila (and he always did) his train of thought would stray thinking about that one single time they’d slept together and how he should forget about it but he can’t. It was sometime really overtaking the plot and simply tired me out. At the end of the book, I realized that Séverin was a horribly selfish character - longing for things he had but they were taken from him instead appreciating what he still had and then taking his frustration out on other people for his failure when he lost that too. The finale would go completely differently if Séverin stopped being so horny just for a moment. 

Laila’s POVs were more bearable because she wouldn’t forget that she cares about other people on the team when it was convenient. Her relationships with Zofia and Tristan were sweet and caring and I also loved her banter with Hypnos and how she always wanted to believe he’s on their side. She was really fierce and honestly could do much better than Séverin.

But with just those two the romance subplot wouldn’t be so bad. Sadly it had to extend to Enrique, Zofia, and Hypnos. Zofia and Hypnos were my favorites and they deserved something better than a love triangle with a guy who can’t pick between them. Not to mention that Zofia getting upset that Enrique and Hypnos kissed came out of the blue because before them she showed absolutely no interest in him romantically. It was just so forced compared to Enrique’s relationship with Hypnos where the attraction at least went both ways from the very beginning.

Another thing that bothered me was the ages of the characters. They absolutely didn’t fit the way they acted. I would say that Séverin and the rest were around 20-25 and based on how he acted and how others treated him, Tristan was like 13. It feels so weird to see Laila mothering a boy who’s just two years younger than her. At one point Laila says that she was told she won’t live until her 19th birthday and my reaction was “Oh well, looks like they were wrong” and then she said that she still has a year and I was picking up my jaw from the floor so... yeah. 

I’m also a little sad that I can’t say more about Tristan, Séverin’s adopted brother with love for big spiders and ability to Forge plants but there was just so little of him. He seemed like a character I’d grow to really love.

To sum up, The Gilded Wolves is a novel with spectacular writing, a beautifully crafted world that comes alive when you’re reading, a treasure hunt plot that felt really nostalgic to me and a cast of diverse characters. It does have its faults but saying that it’s just milder Six of Crows is doing it a great injustice. The book is also a beautiful commentary on racism and colonialism and what consequences does it has for people. I will gladly add the already announced sequel to my To Be Read list. 

Amazon / Goodreads

[calsmusecollection]

RULES.

repost ,   don’t  reblog !    tag 10 ! good  luck !

TAGGED. Found it on an old blog TAGGING. Whomever wants to

For The Outsider

This has been in my drafts for SO long, and I just am tired of it being there. So I just filled out any easy questions I’d skipped and crossed out the others. I’m sorry it’s not done but it’s been avoided for like a year so... yeah...

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :

 The Outsider, Sanct

NICKNAME :

 Black Eyed Bastard, Black Eyed Devil, Black Eyed Groom, Whale Satan

AGE :

17/4000+

BIRTHDAY :

 The calendar was different than. Roughly speaking it’s the 20th day in the Month of Rain that he was born human and the Fugue Feast when he merged with The Void

ETHNIC  GROUP : ///// NATIONALITY :  Pandyssian LANGUAGE / S : Yes. All. As a human he only knew one and it has long since died out SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  human: Homosexual, Void: Demisexual (generally only his Marked) ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : human: Homoromantic, Void: Demiromantic (Generally only his Marked) RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Single CLASS : human; destitute, Void; beyond such human designations HOME  TOWN / AREA : The town’s name was lost to time. It was on the Southern part of Pandyssia CURRENT  HOME : Void- seems to be taking a particular interest in Dunwall/Gristol PROFESSION : Boredom.

PHYSICAL.

HAIR :

human; yellow-going toward white, Void; Black, Post-void Human: Black

EYES :

human; clear blue, Void; Black including where the whites should be. Some people imagine specks of light, or fire in them. He’d deny anything that wasn’t pure black, Post-void Human: Light blue green

SCARS

pre-void-human; too many to count, Void; none, post-void-human verses; a scar that goes across his neck as though to sever both arteries, scars on either wrist indicative of being bound

TATTOOS :

Nope

HEIGHT :

5′6″ (short Void is short)

((I looked up the average height of people in 2000 BCE which would be roughly 4000 years ago if I can do math, and in fact the number I came up with was 5′3″ for men but the sample size is small. The average for the Roman army was 5′7″.))

WEIGHT :

120lbs??

(I dunno I’m really bad at weight...)

BUILD :  

Slender

FEATURES :

Nothing special

ALLERGIES :

None really

USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :

Messy. Not in a deliberate way. More of a ‘what’s a brush?’ sort of way...

USUAL  FACE  LOOK :

A neutral expression that airs on the side of criticism or confusion.

USUAL  CLOTHING :

Dark pants and dark boots and a dark jacket over a white shirt. He wears rings on some fingers. Silver. Which he is loath to contemplate parting with.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :

 He’d tell you he’s beyond such emotion. But he is rather scared of no longer existing. Death maybe. But more than that.

ASPIRATION / S :

None

POSITIVE  TRAITS :

NEGATIVE  TRAITS :  

MBTI :

ZODIAC :  

TEMPERAMENT :  

SOUL  TYPE / S :  

ANIMALS :

Whales. Rats

VICE  HABIT / S :

Stalking the Marked, Being needlessly ominous, sweet food

FAITH :

He once worshiped the Leviathan. He’s learned to worship nothing

GHOSTS ? :

Eh. Trapped spirits maybe

AFTERLIFE ? :

Nope. Just Void

REINCARNATION ? :

 Nope. Just Void

ALIENS ? :

 Why not? Though he’s not seen any

POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :

 Humans are so... stupid. To think such things last

ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE :

 He’s beyond such things

SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION

Annoying god-like being

EDUCATION  LEVEL :

Zero... or... all of eternity? It’s hard to pinpoint

FAMILY.

FATHER :

 Unknown

MOTHER :

Unknown

SIBLINGS :

none

EXTENDED  FAMILY :

Unknown

NAME  MEANING / S : Outsider-  a person who does not belong to a particular group.

Sanct- Ghost 

FAVOURITES.

BOOK :  

The Young Prince of Tyvia

MOVIE :

5  SONGS :  

Drunken Whaler 

DEITY :

 Himself. He loves himself the most.

HOLIDAY :

 Fugue Feast is always entertaining

MONTH :

 Month of Rains probably

SEASON :

Summer

PLACE :  

Seaside

WEATHER :

Stormy, just before the sky opens up and it starts to rain

SOUND :

 Whales singing, Steal clashing,

SCENT / S :

 The sea on a warm day, fruit tarts

TASTE / S :

 fruit tarts, sweet drinks

FEEL / S :

Ocean waves crashing on the shore, the feel of a breeze, the warmth of touch

ANIMAL / S :

Leviathan and rats

NUMBER :

8

COLOUR :

 Blues

EXTRA.

TALENTS :

BAD  AT :

TURN  ONS :

 “You Fascinate me”

TURN  OFFS :

 Predictability

HOBBIES :  

TROPES :

AESTHETIC  TAGS :  

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?

A1 :

 The Outsider doesn’t deserve a movie. But if he had one it would have some sort of one-word title that helped no one guess what it was about. Like.. “Time” or “Forever”. It would be some sort of ridiculous indie film that is trying so hard to intellectual that all concept of linear storytelling is lost. Symbolism takes the place of narrative. And you leave the theater feeling as if you’ve lost days instead of a mere hour. It’s supposed to be about what it’s like to be him in the Void. And maybe it is. No one can be certain.

Q2 :   What  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?    

A2 :

 Ethereal for want of a better term. With that sort of undercurrent of creepy as shit. The sort of music that either has no lyrics or the lyrics contain no chorus. It’s just this story that’s being sang in airy tones over deep music.

Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?

A3 :

  He wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried to get my bff in rl to finish the game and save me from The Outsider but they never did and I had no choice but to find someone else to satisfy him.

Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?

A4:

 He’s.... neat? I dunno. I played the first game and I think I only got through some levels because I kept telling myself that there would be another shrine if I could just get to it. How I get my muses is dumb. They show up in my head and declare themselves deserving of my time >.<

Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.

A5 :

How disconnected he is. Like he can seriously upset someone and not even register that he did. And that’s the antithesis of me and it hurts me every time.

Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?

A6 :

 We think people are interesting? That’s... about it...

Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?

A7 :

 He tells me I play him wrong. No matter how I play him. It’s always wrong. And he hates his backstory. And he wants me to be more cryptic. And. And. And. -_-’ He’s a judgmental little brat.

Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?

A8 :

 Everyone? I think I really love him dealing with people who don’t have marks a lot.

Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?

A9 :

 I rewatch the clips of going to the shrines for one thing. And I have a few songs that remind me of him. And I I just... I guess you’d call it meditate? I zone out for a few moments and try to clear my mind of anything that isn’t void.

Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?

A10 :

.... shhhhhh... some questions need no answers....

[bananatrashsenpai]

Top 5 Anime Characters

God choosing just five was so hard but whatever I’m down!

Tagged by @irinyaclockworker thank you Irina for breaking my heart by forcing me to choose only five! In all seriousness thanks for the tag

Rules: list your five favorite anime characters and then tag five other people

I personally tried to keep it to just one character per series for the sake of easier decision making.

5) Rin Okumura from Blue Exorcist

My reasons for liking Rin are simple, I related to him. He was just some goofy guy. Of course he’s also a badass and blue flames are an awesome aesthetic but besides the obvious points about him being cool I mostly liked him cause he was the type of guy I could see myself befriending. He seemed real to me, so do the others granted, but on top of seeming real he also appealed to my taste in friends more. Great sense of humour, sappy, likes manga, acts like a teenager, just a pretty cool guy all round. Also his relationships with his friends and Yukio are all pretty awesome, even his little spats with Bon were fun to watch! And the scene when his father died made me bawl my eyes out and it was one of the first few episodes which may just be me being a crybaby so that instantly made me attach to the poor kid. I wanna hug and befriend the dude!

4) Yato from Noragami

Once again, my reasons are pretty simple. In fact, it’s the same as Rin! I think he’s friendly and relatable. The only thing that bumps him slightly higher is that I find him funnier than Rin, but that’s mostly cause his desperateness and shenanigans are of different taste than Rin’s I guess. Either way he’s a good dude and his cat face is the best thing ever. Give this man a shrine!

3) Alluka Zoldyck from Hunter X Hunter

This one is probably the most simple reason. She’s a pure bean. And her interactions with Killua are the most adorable things ever! I was considering Leorio for this spot but Alluka has him beat. She’s not funny, but she’s really lovable. Her AND Nanika of course. Nanika’s side of things is less pure, but still cute. Mostly they’re my favourite cause the two are both a cinnamon roll. Also that one scene with Killu and Alluka with the boyo rejecting Nanika had me bawling. Another thing to note is that if I cry it means I have sentimental attachment to the character and that’s just another reason why those characters end up being my favourites.

2) Shouto Todoroki from My Hero Academia

This boy. Where do I even start with this boy. First off, like most of my favourites, he’s aesthetically pleasing to look at. Meaning he’s pretty. Not just his unique hair and eyes, but his quirks are gorgeous too. But the thing that made me attach to him the most was his backstory. Yes he’s super strong and graceful, but none of that matters if his personality is crap. But even though he’s quiet, he can actually be thoughtful and kind if he tries. And the whole reason he’s quiet and brooding is his abusive childhood. His father is horrible to him, and so Shouto fights with himself between why he wants to be hero, should he be the best, how he interacts with others etc. and I think that kind of character gets to me the most. I sympathise and understand him, so I get attached to him and start liking him. Also his strength is impressive. Not just physical, but mentally as well. He doesn’t break down under his father’s pressure, he instead rises above to become better than him. Of course Todoroki still has his doubts and makes mistakes, but he’s human, and a teenager, so it makes sense. All of that combined makes Shouto a complex, interesting character and that’s why he’s my favourite bnha character. Also I’m rambling a lot here but only because the no 1 and 2 favourites are characters that I’m passionate about and adore. I love everyone else of course, but my reasonings for 1 and 2 have more depth than the others.

1) Nagisa Shiota from Assassination Classroom

This bean has to be my no 1. Why? Well similar to Shouto I adore this boy. He’s pretty, and has the intelligence and kind personality to back it up. Not to mention he’s badass, even in a skirt! And I love his backstory. It’s another abuse story with a controlling parent but I love this one better. Granted Todoroki’s father did worse, but I’m drawn to Nagisa more because of how normal the world is. They’re both in a school setting, but I can relate the real world to Nagisa’s world more. Sure, he’s training to assassinate his teacher, but if besides the kind of learning he’s just a middle schooler. Whereas Shouto has a quirk AKA a superpower which allows him to control fire and ice. Don’t get me wrong, bnha’s story is still amazing and a good story doesn’t have to be realistic, but watching Nagisa’s mother verbally abuse Nagisa while shaking him violently after school just gets to me more than watching Endeavour with a flame beard hit Shouto in the stomach. The extra bit of realism in Nagisa’s scenario makes it slightly scarier to me. I love Nagisa’s personality and skills just like I love Shouto for the same reasons, the only difference between the two is that I was sucked into Assassination Classroom’s world, and subsequently Nagisa’s character, more than My Hero Academia and Shouto because it seemed more similar to my world. The hero/villain/powers part of it, while it makes bnha super interesting and epic, broke my immersion slightly. Granted Korosensei isn’t normal either, but I can believe genetic science gone wrong faster than I can naturally born superpowers. I adore both stories and characters, but ultimately it’s how drawn in I was to the series and character in question that differentiates the two, and I felt more for Nagisa than I did for Shouto. So that’s why Nagisa is my favourite anime character!

This was fun to do! I feel like I rambled on too much towards the end, but people know what I’m saying so meh! Anyways I’m not tagging anyone though cause I’m way too tired for this nonsense tbh not that you can tell I’m tired cause nothing changes besides me being extremely lazy lol but I might tag people later?? Idk probs not anyways I’m gonna go sleepy sleep thank you again Irina!!

[bionic-egypt]

Magical Realism/Urban Fantasy Sanders Sides AU

Two people liked my post on whether or not they’d want to hear about a Sanders Sides AU I had come up with and, well, that’s good enough for me! It’s a Magical Realism/Urban Fantasy AU (which is the genre called?) where each of the boys are either magical creatures or affected by magic in some way. Inspiration from @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors series Love and Other Fairytales, which I’ll link here (it’s the ao3 link, since I have no idea how to link to tumblr. Let’s be honest I barely know how to tag people). Their series is so good! You guys should go read it. My AU doesn’t actually share any common elements with theirs other than the genre. I just thought it would be cool. Moving on to the actual AU idea.

As stated before, each of the characters is either a magical creature or has their life affected in some big way by magic. Character list now:

Patton Hart: a selkie. Not like ones in fanfictions I’ve seen, where if someone returns their coat to them they’re married. Nope. Just a normal selkie, where if someone has their coat they can’t return to the water. Patton is still a naturally kind person, but he never ever lets his coat out of his sight. 99% of the time, it’s tied snuggly and securely around his neck, though once he becomes super comfortable with someone and trusts them absolutely, he will sometimes let them borrow his coat when they’re upset, much like how people will drape a blanket around their friend’s shoulders when their friend is sad. But no matter how much he trusts them, he won’t let them leave with his coat. He meets Logan when they’re in elementary school and instantly decides he wants to be friends, even though it takes a while for Logan to warm up to him.

While he’s in human form, Patton doesn’t look completely normal. His eyes are just a bit too round and his ears slightly pointed (selkie are fae, after all). When he’s in seal form, his eyes are way too light for a normal seal and he looks like one of those Baikal seals (because they look like a seal plushie, just a round orb with a head and flippers. They’re adorable).

Roman Prince: a cursed human. When Roman was about five or six, he ran into a warlock in the woods while pretending to be a brave hero who needed to save the princess. The warlock, being an evil magic user, decided to curse the child that had annoyed him. Much like Elva in the Inheritance books, Roman is cursed to be a protector to anyone he sees in danger, even at the risk of his own life. At first, it doesn’t seem so bad to him. He gets to save the day and be a brave prince for everyone in trouble. But he realizes he has no control over even how he saves people after getting hit by a car while pushing someone out of the way. After that, he vows vengeance on the “evil snake-faced dragon witch” that cursed him *cough* Deceit *cough*. Unfortunately, Roman doesn’t know the different between different magic users, so he assumes all people who use magic are evil like the warlock. This causes some issues when he meets Virgil in college (oh my god they were roommates).

Roman starts dying his bangs red sometime in high school because a kid dared him he wouldn’t do it. It started out as stubbornness, but eventually he grew to like it and decided to keep it. He also constantly wears the letterman’s jacket he earned for track even way into college. Sometimes he’ll wear the prince outfit he stole from the theater program at his high school on the last day of senior year because he likes how it makes him feel regal and brave. It helps him pretend he doesn’t mind his curse as much as he actually does.

Virgil Knightly: a witch. Specifically, a storm witch. When he’s upset or angry or scared, it starts raining outside. When those particular emotions are exceptionally strong, lighting and thunder soon follow. He also goes outside during natural storms and just lets the wind and rain wash over him. It’s very calming. Because of his anxiety, he has a habit of making charmed worry stones and knotted bracelets. A few of the kids in his school end up buying them from him around exams, but they usually leave him alone because everyone in town knows the Knightlys are all witches and can hex people if they don’t like them. His older brother Remy is very well known for hexing people who annoy him. Virgil himself has never actually cast a hex before, since he’s always afraid it’ll backfire or the person will realize he hexed them and come after him. He meets Patton and Logan in high school and is instantly adopted by Patton. It does make him slightly uncomfortable at first, but eventually he comes to be grateful for his friends.

Because of his witchy heritage, Virgil’s eyes are two different colors, one green and one purple. Later on he ends up dying his hair purple because he thinks it looks cool. Sometimes he ironically wears a witch’s hat with sewn on patches, but most of the time he just wears his matching hoodie. After moving in with Roman, he wears the hat more and more just to mess with him.

Logan Picani: a Seer. The first born in his family is always a Seer. Because he is a direct descendant of the first Seer, his visions are stronger and more accurate than those of his eldest cousins. If the energy surrounding a person, place, or object is strong enough, he can get a vision by just being near it. Otherwise, he would actually have to touch the person/place/object. Because of this, he rarely, if ever, actually touches anyone. After he becomes very comfortable/familiar with someone, he has to actively try to have a vision, even if he’s touching them. It takes several years of being Patton’s friend for him to reach this stage, since he doesn’t want to risk seeing Patton’s future (sometimes he sees things he doesn’t want to see. Once he bumped into someone on the street and saw the exact way they were going to die). His first vision was of his younger sibling Emile’s future as a therapist, though he wasn’t sure what was happening at the time.

Normally, Logan’s eyes are a dark blue, somewhere between navy and sapphire. However, when he’s having a vision, his eyes turn pure white and start glowing slightly. In order to be taken seriously, because Seers are sometimes viewed as tacky fortune tellers, he starts wearing a light blue necktie in his freshman year of high school. It doesn’t help much, but it makes him feel more important, so he keeps it.

Remy Knightly: a witch. He doesn’t specialize in any particular type of magic, but he does enjoy reading fortunes in coffee grounds to piss off Logan after he meets him (he thinks Logan is too uptight and needs to chill out). He was hexed by another witch (though he doesn’t know exactly who) when he was in his early teens, but something went wrong and now no one can reverse the hex. It interferes with his sleep; normally he’s a little drowsy, but the more stressed he is, the less sleep he can get. It’s easy to gauge his stress levels by how many cups of coffee he drinks in a day. Normally this sort of curse could be bypassed by using magical solutions like charm sachets or teas, since medications are voided by the magic, but he has the unfortunate luck of being allergic to lavender, a common ingredient in these solutions (what do you mean I’m projecting my annoyance at being allergic to lavender and having sleep issues onto Remy that’s insane shut up). His parents got him a cat a while after the hex in hopes that it might help. It did not, but Remy loves Mocha, the cat, even if she does knock his crystals and candles off the shelves like the little bitch she is.

Due to his witchy heritage, Remy’s eyes are different colors, one green and one grey. He kind of doesn’t like them, so he wears dark sunglasses a lot. Besides, the glasses totally go along with his aesthetic. He paints his nails all the time, mostly staying in the dark color range, though sometimes he’ll paint them pastel colors. When he does this, he’ll usually try to convince Virgil to paint his the same shade, with a 50% success rate.

Emile Picani: the only completely normal human in the bunch. To the surprise of everyone in his family, Emile is perfectly fine with not being a Seer like his older brother. He even helps Logan out when he’s having/dealing with a vision. After helping Logan with the emotional toll seeing people’s futures has on him, Emile realizes he wants to help other people too. This leads to his decision to become a therapist. He applies his love of cartoons to his practice once he notices all of the parallels cartoon problems have to real life ones. Also, it annoys Logan because it works, which is a bonus. After realizing that Logan’s first vision was of him in his practice, however, he starts to doubt his choices. What if he’s only choosing this path because of what his brother saw? It is a bit of struggle for a while, but eventually he accepts that it was his choice, not fate, that made that version of the future reality. He meets Remy in college through Logan’s friend group and they start hanging out together. They’re an odd pairing, but they work somehow.

Emile is also genderfluid, shifting between male and nonbinary. On days they don’t feel like a man, they wear a little yellow star clip in their hair (which has the front dyed pink because screw gender stereotypes) given to them by their mom when they came out as genderfluid. It doesn’t hurt that the clip looks like the star from Steven Universe, which soon became their favorite show after it came out. When they want to be taken more seriously, they copy Logan and wear a tie, but they wear it under a sweater because they like how it looks. When they care less about being serious, they just wear a sweater or graphic tee for a cartoon they like. Sometimes they’ll even wear a dress or a cute skirt, but only sometimes.

 Plot? Um, right… plot… I think it would probably be about the main four meeting in college and learning how to interact with each other. Patton would try to get everyone to be friends instantly, Roman would want to hang out with Patton but not Virgil, Virgil would want Roman to stop being such an asshole to anyone who uses magic, and Logan wouldn’t really care if Roman joined their group or not. Maybe they would also help Roman break his curse. Or, drawing more from the Inheritance books, maybe they try to break his curse but they only lighten it a bit, enough to where he can ignore the need to save every single person he sees in danger.

The pairings would either end up being Prinxiety and Logicality or straight up LAMP, though I’m not sure which. There would be background Remile, though, that much is certain.

Would Thomas and his friends end up in the AU? Would other characters from Cartoon Therapy? Maybe. Dot and Larry would definitely be Logan and Emile’s parents, I can tell you that much. Maybe the others would be random classmates. If Thomas and his friends were to make an appearance in the AU, they would be background characters because I find it awkward writing about real people. (However, I think it would be funny if Thomas was a necromancer in the style of the Darkest Powers books because then he would be able to talk to ghosts no one else could see. Kind of like the Sanders Sides verse, depending on what you think actually happens when he talks to the sides.)

 Pictures under the cut because this is already super long and I don’t know how to make pictures any smaller. Also, excuse my crappy art. It’s the first time I’ve drawn the characters and the first time I tried to draw chibi characters.

The ears were supposed to be a bit pointier, but oh well

Why does the red in Roman’s hair look pink? I swear the pencil was red

I’m actually kind of proud of this one, except for the weird bumps on the hat. Note: acrylic paint is not a good substitute for whiteout. Also, I just realized I forgot the stitches on the patches

What even is his hair? Nail polish also is not a good substitute for whiteout, as seen by the side of his hair. I like his eyes though

The cat was just to add some witchy-ness, but it’s become a character now. No take backs

Hair. Is. My. Enemy.

[dcarevu]

DCAU #15: Heart Of Ice

“What killed the dinosaurs? THE ICE AGE!”

Yeah, I decided to get the Batman and Robin joke out of the way before even starting. Check off that requirement early. Now I don’t have to mention it for the rest of this blog’s life, and can officially forget about its existence. I’ve been waiting for this day. But unfortunately, since this is usually how I watch tv shows, this is probably the last time I’ll get to see Heart Of Ice for a little while as well. I should’ve known that such an emotionally positive moment wouldn’t be without a catch. It’s like when the snow finally melts, but with it goes the cancelled classes.

Episode: 14 Robin: No Writer: Paul Dini Director: Bruce Timm Animator: Spectrum Airdate: September 7, 1992 Grade: A

This, as I’m sure all of you already know, is a damn strong episode that manages to hit me with almost as much strength as Two-Face, but in some ways has a little bit more going for it when it comes to the typical superhero show stuff. I find that Dini and Burnett are on the same page when it comes to the basics, but also have very different approaches to some of their finest moments, at least when comparing Two-Face to Heart Of Ice. As far as which one I like better, I’d probably have to give the edge to Two-Face, as I feel the emotional weight of that one packs more of a wallop. But I don’t think that necessarily means that it’s objectively a better episode. I think there are certainly people who would see more to enjoy in Heart Of Ice in terms of fun, in terms of visuals, and in terms of having a villain who is almost as interesting psychologically, and much more interesting superficially. I mean, it’s a guy with a freezing gun and a suit that makes him look like he just flew in from Jupiter. Plus he has a really cool voice! He’s like something out of the original Twilight Zone.

This actually used to be my favorite episode of the series, so I was a little bit surprised as I watched it and didn't quite get lost in it all like I did a few years back. I might have been expecting too much from it, and admittedly may have hyped it up a little bit too much before my girlfriend watched it (generally I try to not say in advance whether an episode is good or not so it’s completely fresh to her). Definitely enjoyable, I think something that is required for max enjoyment out of this episode is its overall context in the world of cartoons and comic book characters. These days it’s easy to take Mr. Freeze for granted, without thinking about the huge character transformation that Paul Dini created. It’s surprising sometimes to think that before this show, it was rather difficult to find an action show that you could take so seriously. The medium is newer than it feels, and this episode came out only a little bit before I was born. Nowadays we have shows like Avatar the Last Airbender which are more consistent than Batman the Animated Series, and altogether easily rival the DCAU, but if watching this episode and show today gives that feeling, picturing catching it back then is breathtaking. It was the third episode to air, and while I have preferred watching the show in production order, I can see why they did what they did. From the aspect of catching viewers and showing people what the show is all about, it truly does make the most sense to make this an early one. Maybe that’s another reason I remember this episode so incredibly fondly. Last time I watched the show in full, this was the 4th one I saw (I watched The Cat and the Claw parts together when initially they were bafflingly split up).

Everyone knows why this episode works, so I shall attempt to explain why it doesn’t work quite as strongly as it would if it were perfect. Without intending to be a contrarian, because that is definitely not what this blog is about. It’s about just enjoying something, but also giving some raw honest thoughts on that enjoyment, whether it’s positive or negative. This feeling is very difficult, though, because nothing rubbed me the wrong way here except for Batman’s “Freeze!” line. That line nipped at me worse than the 8˚ snowstorm going on outside my window as I type this. Kevin Conroy was a great voice actor from the very beginning of this show, but he just starts to sound so much more natural the further it goes on. He’s still playing a character this early on. But by the time we get to TNBA, the man is Batman. But no, if that one line was enough to ruin the episode for me, that would be pretty cold (ha). I think more it’s just a lack of “the feels” that I feel like the episode is trying to get across. It’s just not as heartbreaking as Harvey Dent’s story. Mr. Freeze being this cold, cold man who hides his emotions under a block of ice is such a great concept, but I think some things could be done to make it feel a little bit less cold to the audience. I don’t really know that could have been accomplished, but I wanted watching Mr. Freeze’s wife about to be unplugged and him getting kicked into those chemicals leave me with the exact same reaction that Batman had. “My God.” Instead it was more, “Oh, that’s pretty bad.” But at the same time, some of the lines of this one really do almost make you tear up a little bit. This writing is practically Shakespearian, so it’s pretty damn difficult to feel nothing or take more than a couple points off.

As much as the last episode we watched just shouldn’t exist, it being right next to this one sets up many direct opportunities to show why Batman was so important to animated family programming. Even ignoring all of the stupid shit we got to see, just compare the villains alone, Penguin vs Freeze. Penguin is a complete gimmick of a villain. What do we know about him? Well, he makes bird noises… He makes bird puns… He has a bird… He hides out in a birdseed factory. Maybe a little arrogant. I mean, am I missing something here? I’m purposely not thinking about his later appearances. Now take Mr. Freeze. He know his gimmick qualities too, like we do with penguin. But unlike Penguin, these gimmicks do not define him. We know that he has suffered a double-loss, namely his freedom and his wife. We know that he initially was working to change the world for the better, even if this meant risking his job. We know that what happened to him was enough to erase the hope and compassion from his heart. We know that he carries himself like he’s unfeeling when we know from listening to him that this is completely the opposite. It’s like he doesn’t want to feel anymore, but in reality he wouldn’t be doing what he does without intense, boiling emotions. And what does he do to hide this heat? Acts cold. In reality, the cold one is his old boss, Ferris Boyle. We understand Mr. Freeze. We may not agree with him. We may not even like him. But at least we get where he’s coming from, which nicely balances out the prick that is Boyle. Sometimes heartless, 2-dimensional villains can be okay if they’re done right and balanced properly. It’s not like these types of people don’t exist in our world. But the way they did this with the Penguin? Doesn’t make for riveting television either way. And when the Penguin is so boring and so ridiculous at the same time, that’s a double turn off. Mr. Freeze is a little bit ridiculous. Look at that costume. Look at the way he rides the fire hydrant water to enter his icy death chamber. Not exactly realism here, folks. But then he also has that human element to ground him. He’s interesting. And the aesthetic of the episode is here. He’s a character, not an obstacle. Granted, this is only one factor of Heart Of Ice or Basement, and I could go on when it comes to things that make each good vs bad, but hey, we have the whole series to further figure out what makes an enjoyable episode. Just thought I’d bring up this one aspect.

Interestingly, cold is what extinguished the friendly fire within Victor, but heat is what defeated that cold in the end…or at least melted it long enough to put him behind those icy bars of Arkham Asylum (not exactly sure how that cell worked, but it was beautiful, so you won’t see me complaining. Sometimes stylization trumps realism). I don’t just mean the fact that Batman’s chicken soup was sitting in a heat-containing thermos. In mean that in a way, it was love that defeated Freeze. Alfred’s love for Batman. It may have been played for comic relief when Alfred first told Batman what he was packing him, but I also thought that it was really sweet. Batman carrying around a container of soup that Alfred made him. It makes me smile so much, and I’m actually a little bit sad that he didn’t get to enjoy it, but hey, it possibly saved his life. Gotta do what you gotta do. Without Alfred’s kindness, Mr. Freeze may have won the battle. Without Boyle’s darkness, Fries may have won Nora’s battle. If this isn’t a good, but not obvious, lesson, well, I don’t know what is. And then we end with mr. Freeze alone, finally able to show some vulnerability. But even when he touches the snow globe which represents the love of his life, the thing frosts over and she stops spinning. Not even through this way can he touch her anymore. And then we close by having Batman watching through the window. The words of Mr. Freeze speak so loudly. But so does Batman’s ending silence. Great stuff here, people. Great stuff.

Oh, and that opening Mr. Freeze theme sticks with you. It’s in my head right now. I’m whistling it out-loud while Char is trying to do homework.

Char’s grade: B Next time: The Cat and the Claw (Part 1)

Full episode list here!

[itsleafourie]

18 things i learned in 2018

2018 has truly been a year of learning for me. from physically going through a transformation to making new friends and memories. here’ s some things i learned.

18. the only constant in life is change.

i say this in the most positive way possible. for me, i see change as a good thing. there is some type of assurance and security i find in the fact that in whatever situation i might be, it is not permanent. i do not have to stay here - lemme scratch that - it is guarenteed that i am not going to stay here. even when i am at a peak point, i still find it amazing i can even go higher - i have to power and will to drive ‘change’ into that direction.

17. life is better when you live it.

something i struggled with this past year is overall confidence. it started with the basics: such as my body image and my outer look. but something i learned is that hatred spreads. i always thought that the only thing that ‘turned others off’ was my body. as i continued to search my body for every flaw i could find; the self-hatred spread to other more emotional and inner things. i started disliking my personality, how i talked, how i laughed, and most importantly how i reacted as person towards certain situations and things. simply everything i did wasn’t good enough. i thought that i was a complete failure - personality wise. my need to force some kind of change into my personality and the way how i think about life was fed through this constant self-bullying. i thought that every single situation that i found myself in could have been resolved if only i had some sort of personality change. the words “if i wasn’t born like then life would have been easier” crossed my mind every single hour of every day. it created this stress and anxiety inside of me. my raw thoughts were scorned by my very own self-consciousness. i would find myself being way too awkward (when in reality i was being completely normal) or i would trick my own brain into thinking everyone secretly hated me. 

what i meant with this title is that the moment i started to slowly let go of that need of approving others i started enjoying the little things around me. i tried to make it a habit to stop overthinking certain situations. i started to make it a daily goal to react towards things in a utter natural and raw way in hopes of learning myself to be more comfortable with how i am build. i stopped stressing about things such as the way i laughed or how much i ate. just like that - life got a little bit better.

16. no one is as bad as they seem.

my father is a very hostile person. he believes that every person in society is out to get him. growing up with such a negative outlook on meeting new people, it got pretty hard for me to trust strangers with my pride. in other words, i started believing that everyone was out to get me too. i find myself doing exactly what i was scared of - criticising others. i wasn’t bullying anyone, i just thought that every person that i wasn’t necessarily friends with automatically hated me. here is where my insecurity of pleasing others played a huge roll. it was only after i learned myself to be more open and relaxed with new people that i realised the “popular groups” in my school can be extremely friendly. don’t get me wrong, some people’s insecurities still shine through. there are some bad and rotten apples out there. but after actually getting to know some of them, i grew some sort of confidence towards wanting to meet new people. and remember, some people tear other people down only to feel the need of some sort of self-acceptance. 

15. home is where your heart is.

after multiple drama’s and tears, i learned probably one of the most valuable lessons in life; your family is your number one support group. i know i cannot speak for everyone but 2018 made me realise that my family is truly one of the most supportive people i know. i admit, i took it a little bit for granted, but this year’s pain made me realise how blessed i am to have such an amazing lil group of humans as my safety net in life.

14. the arts will always be your number one way of self-care.

i always knew i was a creative person, but in my lowest points of my year i always found myself craving to express my feelings and pain in some sort of art form. whenever it was editing, painting, writing, listening to music, learning or reading, my ‘self-care’ always had something to do with art. that’s why one of my new years resolutions is to spend at least one hour every day doing exactly what i was born to do; to create.

13. exercising is actually pretty fucking amazing.

in 2018 i discovered how much i love doing sports. in previous years, i despised it. little did i know that it would soon become one of my favourite ways to escape from my daily stress. from doing nothing all day to exercising at least 4 days a week really played a roll in my transformation - physically and mentally. 

12. hating things does not make you cool.

oh!!!!! my!!!! god!!!! can people please start to realise that we all have different interests in life? so what you don’t like ‘mainstream’ pop-culture? don’t bash people who do. i used to look down upon people that band-waggoned onto trends. but now honestly who cares? liking a certain genre of music or having a certain style that is not considered “”””mainstream”””” does not make you any cooler that someone who prefers things that are mainstream. if you have time to insults those who do in your day-to-day life, i hope you make the effort to take a step back and change that shitty habit. no shade, all tea.

11. judging a person does not define who they are. it defines who you are.

this might get cheesy, but who has the time to tear others down? this goes hand-in-hand with my previous point, but judging others really does not benefit anyone. it only makes you look like a douche, makes the other person feel like crap (believe me, every gossip you share to a friend will get out) and feeds society’s negativity. i know some of you might think, “oh, it’s easier said than done” but really, just shut the fuck up. after a while of not bullying others and shit-talking, it becomes a habit to just mind your own business. believe me, no one thinks your cool when you tear other people down. it really only shows how insecure you are.

10. it is okay to be emotional.

we don’t even have to be close, after a while it becomes pretty apparent that i am a VERY emotional person. not only do i cry when i get slightly offended, i cry when i get frustrated (for example, i’ve cry almost during every mathematical exam this year, not because i think i’m an idiot, only because math is fucking hard) and i even cry sometimes when i’m happy. for the longest of time i tried to force that side of me away, mainly because society has created this message that not feeling anything is cool af. being a bitch and mean is trendy and crying just shows weakness. but now, i see expressing yourself so vividly and emotionally as such one of the strongest traits a person can have. for me, crying or even showing my raw emotions is the biggest form of rebellion. fuck being emotionally stable all the time. we’re human. every person cries and has bad times in their lives. let’s make it a beautiful thing to express oneself in that manner. 

9. learn how to be on your own.

after drifting away from a few people, i realised how lucky i was to be able to enjoy my own company. at first it was a strange feelings. you never see people being alone in our society. it is label as being “lonely” or “weird”. but honestly, when your not listening to our world’s toxic way of thinking, you realise how unnatural it is for humans to not being able to enjoy being alone. yes, we are social creatures, but we’re also very highly intelligent. sometimes we need some “alone-time” for self-reflecting. learning to become your own best friend will result into you becoming one of the most confident people you will ever know. being alone will not only learn you to love yourself, it also prepares you for the times when you have nothing else to do but to be alone. life is so beautifully peaceful when your realise that the only person you ever need to be dependent of is yourself. simultaneously life will become easier, becomes the only person you’ll ever really need is yourself (and your mum in my case).

8. materialistic things mean literally nothing.

seriously. read that again until you believe. stop caring about your follower count or your likes. stop caring about what brand of clothes you wear or how much cash you have. things such as what type of schoolbag you carry, how “aesthetic” your school stationary is, how “trendy” you are or whenever your style is relevant enough means nothing. no one really cares if your followers are active enough, if you have enough brand-clothing, if you are in-tuned with the newest trends, how much you’ve spent on things or how much your willing to spend. 

no. one. cares.

people only care because other people do. think about it. if we stopped linking this imaginary sense of worth to these things, no one would ever give a second of their day thinking about it. but in our society, it has become second nature to look out for it. for subconsciously compare our likes and followers and money. of course, it is in our human code to want to strive above others, but i believe we need to shift that energy towards different things. strive to be kinder than the person next to you. strive to impact the world positively on a larger scale than the generation before you. those are the things that determine how great of a person you are. 

7. you really need to cautious of getting caught up in the numbers.

this one links with number 8, but it is a bit more focused on this that i struggled with this year (and what i am still struggling with). i made it a priority to lose some weight, and i did achieve it in a very healthy way in comparison with others, but the dieting culture still affected me in some way. for a few months, i became a bit obsessed with giving my everything in going through this body transformation. along with that, i made it a daily goal to break my personal records. records in a sense of weighing or consuming a little bit less than the previous 24 hours. don’t get me wrong, i never did anything physically to force my body to reject those numbers, but i would feel sad or unaccomplished if i didn’t achieve that goal. it became a race between how good (or how small) i looked and how much my body could keep up. i’ve come very far since then, but sometimes it still overwhelms me. this is usually when i remind myself that change is inevitable. remember, progress over perfection.

6. life sometimes sucks.

in total honesty, i struggled with a lot of anxiety and sadness this year. i went to see a therapist to talk about my feelings. it helped, really. but i think it’s safe to say that person who truly saved me was myself. i became my very own hero this year. i learned myself how to dug out of that hole. life is going to suck. being a teenager with hormones, i do experience mood things. but being human, i experience feelings. maybe i have some type of mental illness, maybe i don’t. the world may never know. all i know is that sometimes you have to help yourself from the darkness.

just a little disclaimer; listen to yourself. listen to others. mental illness and sad thoughts aren’t things to be treated lightly. life gets rough and we know so little about mental health. please, whenever you have some form of mental illness or someone you might who has, be kind. treat them softly. we have no control how we react or feel about certain things. acting hostile towards your feeling or thinking you can control your raw emotions will bring you no where but closer to more pain. it is okay to be vulnerable. just make it a effort to help yourself and others. 

5. you need to learn to let go.

please, learn yourself this skill. people are going to leave you and you are going to leave others. you are going to meet new people and do new things. no one and nothing is permanently there. let go of that heartbreak or of that toxic friendship. this is can come off as extremely cheesy, but it is really so so true. 

4. listen to your gut feeling.

one of the biggest mistakes i made this year was ignoring my instinct about certain people. if i reacted earlier on how i felt about someone or something, i would have saved so much tears. but so we learn. put yourself first in life. there is nothing wrong with that. you only have one lift, do not waste a minute doing anything that makes your uncomfortable. 

3. please never stop doing what you love in fear of other’s judgement.

i stopped editing for a while. why? i feared others discovering my fan account. it literally disgusted me to such a point where i felt an anxiety whenever i was creating anything with my editing software. i thought that people would think it was lame, so i forced myself to dislike it. now with not being able to edit due to technical difficulties with my laptop, i long for it so so much. i took all of that wasted time to create something for granted. never push your passions aside only to please others. what a waste of talent.

2. you can still enjoy doing something without being necessarily good at it.

you best believe i am one of the worst gamers in the world, but i enjoy it so much. i’m not a talented singer or dancer, but i will be singing and dancing my heart out whenever i feel like it. i might suck at writing novels and stories, but i enjoy the thought of being able to express myself to freely. enjoy being undoubtedly untalented in something that makes you feel alive. i’ll never be a star athlete or a worldwide famous actor but i still enjoy pushing my athletic abilities or attempting to do any accent. you really feel fulfilled when you do let yourself self-awareness go. just do what you love, no one can be talented at everything.

1. most importantly, appreciate every moment.

once upon a time, my history teacher delivered a speech in one of our weekly school assemblies. it was about not wishing seconds by. sometimes we wish we could fast forward to finishing school. sometimes we wish we can just get out of that period we all dread so much. sometimes we are not in the mood for a sport practise or to deliver a speech. but do we ever realise how quickly all of that can disappear? how blessed we are to be alive and to learn new skills? to express our opinions in front of a classroom? to be able to compete in a sport? we take small things and privileges in life so much for granted. life is so much better than what we give credit for it. also try to see the positive.

cannot wait to learn new things in 2019, here’s to another year full of pain and happiness. here’s another year of growth and living our unmistakably perfectly-flawed lives. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #170

this one’s a few days old and am just getting to posting it. don’t feel like rereading to change some old answers tho.

Do you tell your best friend everything? What might you omit? If she asked about a subject, I'd tell her. I wouldn't just be like "hey here's a little factoid I don't like talking about." Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. In your current or most recent romantic relationship, do/did you feel as though one of you settled? Not at all. What did your ex (or one of your exes) consider to be a dealbreaker in you? My depression. What seemingly small change have you made to improve your life this year? More drive to be an adult. Make the decision to try as hard as mentally possible to be more open about myself and not so scared of being found as "too weird." Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness or substance abuse? Don't get me started on the first. I only know of my dad being a recovered alcoholic. What is the biggest gap in your employment history? How did/will you explain it to future employers? 0-19ish. Wasn't in the mental state to. Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? She knows a lot. There's just one thing I'm not comfortable talking about yet. There's nothing I absolutely won't tell at any point - if you're in a serious relationship, they have the right to know. Has anyone ever tried to change your mind about something very personal, such as religion or wanting children? Children, yes. Colleen especially was convinced I was going to change my mind to an annoying degree. People have pushed me being a vet a whole lot, too. Do you ever hear about old school friends? Where are you high school friends now? Well, through FB. Most have stable jobs, some are extremely intelligent students headed towards amazing careers, some are parents. Most fell off the face of the earth. What is the most fun you can remember ever having under the influence? Cards Against Humanity. Has your Facebook relationship status ever been set to 'it’s complicated’? Why? Nooooo, and I seriously wish that option didn't even exist. Drama bait, whether intentional or not. What is the most beautiful/interesting name that you’ve ever personally known someone to have? Alon. Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yes. How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? One. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? Me?????????????? At a party?????????????????????? What is your strongest sense? Maybe you don't count this because it's not a "real" sense, but I would say I have an incredibly strong "sixth sense" of just knowing when something is wrong, even with people I don't know well. I pick up bad emotions easily. But if you're just talking sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, I suppose smell? Or taste. Could be why I'm so picky. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? There is NO telling. I believed some wild shit. HAHAHA OH MY GOD WAIT NO I BELIEVED I HAD "ANIMAL POWERS" UNTIL THE END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Like, I could go into a "mode" where I had capabilities like those in certain animals, like with kangaroo powers, I could jump higher. God that was so embarrassing to write jfc what the fuck was I on. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom. She gives food, water, and sometimes money to homeless people she trusts as actually being without a home. There are two or three people she's actually "friends" with. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A V O I D What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I make situations awkward. Just social anxiety in general. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? Okay, so I don't think I believe in angels, and I'm 99% sure this was a dream by now. But once as a little kid, I have a *very* strong memory of getting out of bed and going outside because I felt I needed to see something, and two swans came to the porch, turning into my grampa and favorite cat that had died. Then I went back inside, and that's all I remember. Still to this day that shit didn't feel like a dream, but. It probably was. What do you think about more than anything else? The future. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why? I dunno. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? The friendship with Megan. Do you Skype? With Sara. Have you ever called anyone ‘bro’ other than your actual brother? I'll call p much anyone that. Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before? Maybe? What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? Pan meat lovers omfg. Stick with jalapeno tho with trying to at least lean towards vegetarianism. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Eh... I think I've forgiven him. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. How do you feel about weed? I'm totally for it medicinally. Helps with too many things. Otherwise, for reasons I've said in many old surveys, I don't believe it should be smoked. We already complain enough about cigarettes and lung cancer. How many people have you kissed that you weren’t dating? None. Who was the last person that ditched you? How did you react? Mini, I guess. Was hurt as fuck for years until I recently confronted her, and we're cool now. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt is like... my only male friend besides Dad. What size are the pants you’re wearing? Large, probably? Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I went neither way. Liked some songs, didn't like some, no opinion on others. Can you spot constellations in the night sky? Only the Big or Little Dipper. I dunno the difference. What kind of shampoo did you last use? I dunno exactly. Mom just put some in a smaller, nameless bottle for while I'm at Sara's. It's probably Suave, though. If you had a hippie bus, what would it look like? Gimme all the peace signs and trippy patterns. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? EXPLORE A CAVE BITCH Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? For my wedding, probably a veil. I can't see a flower crown going with a (probably) black dress lmao. Do you go barefoot often? I'm always barefoot in the house, but outside, I always have shoes. What is your favorite thing to get high off of? N/A What type of tattoo do you want? Most of the ones I want hold personal meaning. There's few I want to get for solely aesthetic purposes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Favorite constellation? *shrug* Beach wedding, forest wedding, or English countryside wedding? Forest! Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Do you have any big plans for November? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? Christmas. I doubt Halloween's gonna be anything I'd like it to be. What was the last song you heard? "Letter" by Mother Mother is on. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? HAHAHAHA NO. How many days a week do you work? N/A Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Sara and Mom. Where did your eye color come from? Mom's dad had blue eyes, I think. Have you ever been in a recording studio? No. What is your worst relationship quality? I'm paranoid. I'm that "do you still like me?" person after marriage, I'm sure. What was your most recent serious injury? Does sun poisoning from Hell itself count? When was the last time you baked something for someone? Never lmao. Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I mean it depends on the mood. What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? I'm going home Wednesday. Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? Second-fave. How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? Way too fucking many. But it also depends on the offense and person. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yeah. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Totally for. Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? I'm definitely a realist, but if I had to pick, I lean more towards pessimism. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? No. When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not really. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I think I'm very friendly, just shy and awkward socially. When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT. Months ago, I went for a veggie burger. THESE. IDIOTS. Put all the normal shit BUT NO PATTY IN A FUCKING BUN. WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL VEGGIE PATTIES. We waited forever, so Mom was already in a bad mood. She went in and the manager was livid; she gave us a free drink and fries. BUT, the burger fucking sucked, it was so overcooked. Sooo that was fun. When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Rarely if it's a song I don't know, unless I like the artist. Song title may interest me, too. Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? BITCH ME. Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? Okay so, I first watched it in school and I didn't like it at all. Then I started loving it??? I have like sooo much Jack stuff. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? Pizza! Do you like the yellow Cheetos better or the orange ones? You mean normal or hot? Gimme them spicy boiz. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? No. Are any of your relatives vets? Don't believe so. Who cleans the most in your house? Mom. I really need to do it more. Do you own any shirts that cost over 100$? Jfc no. What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? No, and obviously. What’s the movie theater in your town called? Uhhh I think Cinemax? How many minutes do you consider late? Over five. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Some cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends? No. Are there any baby pictures of you up? On FB? No. Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Maybe Alon still does, idk. Are you wearing any jewelry that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Yeah. What’s the last thing you were excited to eat? A donut sobs. Who's the most romantic person you ever went out with? I dunno... none were/are like especially romantic. Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? Some Pyramid Head gift tags, a stuffed fae dragon from WoW, and a cool lantern. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Not in person, but in pictures. (If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. What was the last picture you printed of? The reference I made of my tattoo for the artist. What restaurant has the best fries? Bojangle's the Queen. What does your mailbox look like? Just a basic black one. Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? Probs as a kid. Does your computer make a lot of noise? Not really. Unless it's overheating. Who did you last drink or smoke up with? Mom and Sara. How many board games do you own? Idk, there's just a few in a cabinet in the living room. What does your BIGGEST mug look like? We don't have any really big ones. Newest musical discovery? I really love Powerwolf. Last thing you cleaned? Clothes. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? Purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, iPod, wallet, hand sanitizer, keys... Where is your newest scar? There's still a little scab on the bottom of my tat from heavy shading, but it's almost healed. If you mean like, "real" scar, cat scratch on my right hand. Where is your oldest scar? Ummm probably this random one on the top of my right wrist. No clue where it came from, been there for years. Last thing you disposed of? A bottle, I think? Are you good at recovering from injuries? I dunno. How many different public restrooms have you used this week? I think just one, at the reptile convention. Do you have more piercings or tattoos? Currently tied at six, but piercings the day I get home and get my tongue redone. What color and type is your vehicle? N/A Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? N/A What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats. What do you use to wash your dishes? Ugh, hands, gross. I refuse to have my own home that doesn't have a dishwasher. Last thing you measured? Ummm probably water when I was making ramen. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Ma, yes. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Sara although I don't see how, I needed a shower. @_@ Last person you told that they smell good? Sara. How many iPhones have you had? One, I think? Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Good question. Last compliment you received on your appearance? Uhhh idk. On your character/personality? Sara's mom pointed out this morning that she liked how I watch out for Sara and reminded her to call the library (applied there) and it made me so happy alkdjowie. Her approval is important to me. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Woulda liked to, but. How many chargers do you have for your current cell phone? One, though Mom's fits mine, too. Do you have a good work/life balance? N/A Have you ever ordered pizza online? Yeah. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Yeah. What color was the last fish you had? I couldn't tell you. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Have you ever read in the bathtub? I may've as a kid? Does your animal sleep with you? Roman, pretty much always. Rarely Teddy, but hhe doesn't like getting off the bed; I put him on it if he wants, so getting down's the only thing. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? I think I have, but I don't recall for what? How many favorites do you have on YouTube? Holy shit idk. I used to favorite almost anything I liked, though for like a year or so now I've been really picky with what I favorite because it's become a playlist I go to that I know will cheer me up or are just videos I find very important. What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhhhh Lays, p sure. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rockband? I physically cannot play "Hotel California" by the Eagles without moving in some sort of way or singing.  The fucking solo ahhhhhhhhhh goosebumps every time.

[tanadrin]

On Mars

Things I love about Mars: the landscape.

Mars's landscape is both alien and familiar. There are other fascinating landscapes in the Solar System, of course: Venus, Pluto, Europa, Titan, etc., and each has their charms; but the thing about those landscapes is that the environment in which they're found makes them more alien. Venus has mountains and plains and, like Earth, few craters; but the crushing sulphuric pressure of the atmosphere and the fact that every few hundred million years it seems the entire planet may go molten and resurface itself makes Venus a setting for hard SF, or individualistic person-versus-environment stories: the narrative that suggests itself to me when I imagine standing (in some megaspacesuit) on the surface of Venus is not "this is a place humans could one day be," but "this is an unpeopled Hell."

(Also: apparently Venus may have had liquid water as recently as 700 MYA. Life on Earth seems to have arisen almost immediately, as soon as the conditions potentially favorable to it existed. From the formation of its oceans to 700 MYA, Venus would have been climactically stable, thanks to higher cloud cover than Earth. So it is entirely possible that for a couple of billion years, between the oceans of Venus forming and the runaway greenhouse effect destroying them several hundred MYA, Venus had life, up until the Neoproterozoic period on Earth. But if the theories regarding how energy is released into Venus's dessicated crust are correct, the fossil evidence of that life would have been annihilated in the same event that resurfaced the entire planet some time in its geolocially recent past. Perhaps fragments of it persist, floating deep in the mantle like the Farallon plate on Earth--but for now, an actual record of the biohistory of Venus is lost to us. What I'm saying is, Venus is a postapocalypse: not a hopeful Perelandra, not even in the far future, but a grievous memorial for what might have been our lush and gardenlike neighbor.)

Titan, Europa, and Pluto--although they have very different landscapes--have a common feature, which is that waste heat from technology (heck, from human bodies) would melt or boil their surfaces. Pluto is especially bad in this regard, given that its plains are 98% nitrogen ice. Humans on Pluto would be creatures of unquenchable fire, destroying everything they touched. Europa is much more familiar, especially if it has warm seas beneath the ice; but its landscape is a vast broken plain of ice, possibly with a band of peninent spires rising into the sky at the equator. It's metal as fuck. But the airless, radiation-bathed surface is, again, seems to be suited mostly to being a vehicle of existential exploration, and the subsurface ocean may just be a hopeful dream, like the jungles of Venus. Titan, that weird little orange goofball, also has a water ice surface, plus a hydrocarbon "hydrosphere" which is fascinating! It's the first time the IAU has had to come up with a naming convention for actual bodies of liquid on a planet's surface. It has lakes! Inlets! Seas! But it's tiny, has very little gravity, and if you tried to terraform it even a little bit the entire thing would melt or evaporate. There are stories I would happily tell on Titan. I can even imagine they would have some features of the stories I would tell of an Earthlike world: here is a political boundary following a river, here are pirates on the Ligeia Mare (pirates on a methane sea, frost condenses on the inside of the hull even through half a meter of insulation, we haven't seen sunlight in weeks, we haven’t seen the sun since we were born). But the strictures of the environment also demand a more hard-SF sensibility, and a hard-SF sensibility applied to the "soft" aspects of science fiction: how do the constraints of the environment shape how societies function? How is politics, war, and economics different in a place where atomic individualism isn't just maladaptive, but maybe impossible? I've thought about these questions in other contexts (deep space, settlements on airless rocks), and although Titan expands the possibilities somewhat, it doesn't expand them much. But it's definitely my third favorite body in the Solar System (after Mars and, of course, Earth).

[Ligeia Mare, the second-largest lake on Titan, 78° N, 249° W .]

The rest of the solar system is either gas giants (which fill me with too much dread to really apprehend them on an immediate or aesthetic level; what hubris is it to try to imagine a little human soul against the endless storms of Jupiter?), or small, airless bodies specked with craters. Some of these verge on the utterly uninteresting. Io is at least respectably garish. But the narrative context they suggest to me is the same as Titan, shorn of the unique geographical points of interest that moon offers, and while that doesn't mean they're not interesting, they don't excite me nearly as much. I am glad they exist. Some are really beautiful (speckled Ganymede! gleaming Eceladus, Europa's twin! what the fuck is wrong with you Iapetus!).

(What did we do as a species to deserve a Solar System full of so many different, beautiful worlds? How much wonder is there in the rest of the Universe if this little corner is already so full of it?)

But Mars. Ah, Mars. You know, my head says that interplanetary colonization would be a waste of resources and, lacking a useful economic purpose, ultimately a giant boondoggle. There are inhospitable environments on Earth that are, against Mars, an Eden, and we have yet to people them; if science is our aim, even the practical benefits of a manned mission to Mars stop at orbiting the planet and controlling robots remotely below. And I know all this. But there's a quiet voice in the back of my head--quiet only because like the rumble of distant thunder it is spoken at much deeper frequencies, frequencies of the ground beneath my feet and of my soul itself--that says if I don't die having crunched the grit of Mars beneath my feet or run its dust between my fingers, my life will have been empty and devoid of purpose. Not to get too metaphysical on you, but I'm pretty sure there's a part of my soul that is convinced it was meant to be born on Mars, meant to wander the Kasei Valles and the Tharsis plateau, that longs to stand on the Olympus Rupes and watch the dust storms on the Amazonia Planitia below; to sojourn in the Labyrinth of the Night, filled with fog from sublimating frost.

Mars is alien. Mars is not like Earth. Yet its appearance suggests a world we almost know: here are canyons, here are sinuous valleys, here are dusty plains. On closer inspection, these things reveal their true, unearthly nature: this is a canyon as long as Europe, yawning deeper than the mountains rise. This is a volcano, yes--it is the size of France. If you stood on its summit, very nearly above the top of Mars' atmosphere (which is taller than Earth's!), its slopes would disappear around the curve of the world before you saw their end. These valleys are not river valleys: they are ancient outburst channels, the catastrophe that scoured out the Channeled Scablands--over, and over, and over again. The atmosphere is gasping-thin, and often choked with dust. The surface is freezing. Nothing lives, not so far as we can tell. But you can imagine yourself there. I wonder why?

[The informally-named “Columbia Hills,” Gusev Crater, Mars, 14.5°S 175.4°E. Mosaic image taken by the Spirit rover. The distance is about 300 meters to the base of the hills.]

Part of it, of course, is the wonderfully detailed photography from Mars missions, and the fact the planet is extensively mapped--one of the best-mapped bodied in the Solar System. As part of the Inner Solar System, we can orbit it comparatively easily, and we don't have to rely on photos snapped during quick flybys. (The USGS has complete, detailed maps of Mars available for free! The USGS is a freakin’ international treasure.) I think Mars more easily than most worlds in the Solar System is a canvas onto which we can imagine projecting the psychodramas of our own history. If the "minor" objections of its ultrafreezing surface and its unbreathable, thin atmosphere can be overcome, we can almost imagine it like any other harsh desert into which human habitation has intruded (and humans, like a gas, do tend to occupy all available space). And those objections can be overcome, if we are patient and work very hard, and they can be overcome without annihilating the surface of the world. It would be possible to blanket Mars in a thick, carbon dioxide-rich atmosphere and bring its temperature up to, say, Antarctic levels (i.e., you could survive indefinitely in very warm clothing with a breathing apparatus) with several centuries or possibly a millennium of the diligent application of existing technology. We have no reason to do it right now, and it would be madness to try, but it's doable--so one day, we might.

And if we did? Well, I'd like to think that the species that did that would be, after Carl Sagan, a species very like us but slightly better in important ways, and that by then Earth would be a much nicer place to live; and Mars, therefore, by extension, would be a more rugged and difficult environment but still full of basically decent people who have solved problems like poverty and oppression and large-scale warfare. With a light brushing of a sort of Mad Max visual aesthetic, what with all the breathing masks and the exposed ductwork. Hopefully they would continue the IAU trend of giving everything really atmospheric names, so we wouldn't have the place carpeted in stupid shit like "New Canada" and "President Reagan Land", like Antarctica has been. (Seriously, the IAU needs to take over naming stuff in Antarctica, it's dire down there.)

There is another possibility of course, and in my mind that possibility is inextricably linked with the fact that Mars is small. Mars, like Earth and Venus, probably formed with a dense atmosphere. Its coldness, believe it or not, is not a feature of its distance from the Sun. That's a common misconception. The approximate habitable zone of a G-type star like the Sun extends from within the orbit of Venus to just to, or slightly beyond, a planet at Mars's distance (1.5 AU or so). Venus, for its part, was doomed by being just too warm, and, as the Sun aged and its energy output increased, the homeostasis of its environment being tipped a little bit too far, until the whole thing collapsed, the seas evaporated, and the water vapor was shorn apart by ultraviolet energy, its hydrogen scattered into space by solar wind. But Venus is big. Venus could hold on to its atmosphere regardless. Mars could not. Though further from the Sun, and initially with its own hydrosphere (which now sleeps frozen beneath its crust and at the poles--which have enough water in them to deluge the surface meters deep), the solar wind gradually stripped away Mars's atmosphere, until it was unable to trap heat, and liquid water ceased to be able to exist on its surface for more than the briefest periods of time. Earth, too, would be frozen desert if it had an atmosphere like Mars.

[A Noachian-era alluvial fan in Eberswalde Crater, 24°S, 33°W . Many Noachian-era craters show evidence of having once been filled with water. The aptly-named Noachian period was the last time surface water might have been abundant on Mars, and ended roughly 3.7 billion years ago.]

Any atmosphere we give Mars is doomed in the long run--on the order of thousands of years, not millions. Any civilization we engender on Mars is not a civilization for eternity: it is doomed from its beginning. If we are less wise than we hope, less able to cooperate than we wish, less able to accomplish the miracles of terraforming that we require, the saga of human habitation on Mars will not be the saga of overcoming the frontier, of planting a new, bright tree of our people on a neighboring world; it will be a saga of a promising beginning and then a long--terribly long--slow decline. The Martian desert will slowly cover cities and whatever little groves of life we plant; our first, tentative seas will dry up; increasing scarcity will become the norm, not for a few generations, but for whole civilizations, until the entire memory of the world is nothing but a medieval feeling of decline, of loss, of some ancient glory which we cannot quite remembering being forever beyond our reach. The midcentury scientific romances of a dying Mars were true, but they were not accurate assessments of the present or the past. They were prophecy--a prophecy which is not guaranteed, but which should serve as a warning nonetheless.

Again, my interest in these concepts is mostly from the standpoint of fiction and imagination. Colonization of Mars is a long, long way off, and sitting here in the mythic past of any future Martian civilization, with a warm green spring outside my window and the luxury of breathing free oxygen kindly manufactured for me for free by the native biosphere, I would be surprised if any future settlement of Mars unfolded more than a little bit in the way I expect. Nonetheless, these are the thoughts that occur to me as I pore over maps of Mars. Here, the Chryse Planitia. Here, the graceful curve of the Claritas Fossa. Here, Elysium, its scattered features named for the abodes of the dead. Here, the illimitable Vastitas Borealis. Here, the Chasma Australe, which cuts deep into the southern Martian pole; where Edgar Rice Burroughs might have imagined the ten-thousand mile River Iss. I know that I will probably never see this world with my own two eyes. But God Almighty! I would give anything!

[unknown-de-mordor-blog]

The Dark-Lord Family, A.K.A. My Top 5 Favourite Villains

Melkor/Morgoth + Mairon/Sauron -- The Lord of the Rings+The Silmarillion

I know that’s two, but don’t make me separate them. I will not separate them.

They’re actually going to be the odd one out in this list because the rest are from anime/manga, but that’s because back when I was in middle school, I found villains from fantasy stories boring af and the notion that something external is the source of evil is just lazy. (Also because my obnoxious middle-school brain just went ‘Argh, blaming other people for your problems is soooo immature’ and shut down.) Arguably, I wasn’t well-versed in those kinds of literature, and stuff I did choose to read from that side of the globe don’t have villains in them.

And that’s kind of why these two makes the list -- they are more properly constructed than other dark lords that I know of. Yes, they serve as the personification of evil, but Tolkien also treated them as characters. They have reasons for becoming what they’ve become. And even though they are depicted as the epicentre of evil and destruction, evil isn’t actually their domain. Tolkien was pretty clear about that in his writing because he also examined and, to some degree, deconstructed evil in his universe. The Feanorians are chief examples of that. Turin is not really off the hook with some of his bad life choices (and I don’t mean marrying his sister; when intent in factored in, that’s actually not the worst Turin had done). And don’t get me started on how much I loathe Denethor.

In a way, I found Tolkien depiction of dark lords rather subversive. Having a dark lord really plays into a primal psychology that wants to blame the ill of the world to someone: capitalism, communism, Hitler, Stalin, Baby boomers, Millenials, the Jews, the Muslims, the conservative Christians, the patriarchy, cis white (American) males. But in the deconstruction of the dark lords, he was also saying, really, that evil without comes from the evil within and it’s complicated because evil is a part of nature. It doesn’t come from a box, an apple, a fallen angel, or a rebellious servant of God. And to win against the evil without, you have to fight the evil within. And that’s why Frodo is still one of my greatest heroes. He really did take the hardest job in the book, and I’m not talking about walking into Mordor.

Hao Asakura-- Shaman King (manga, not the anime)

Also known to me and my best friend as “Melkor and Sauron’s lovechild” because his character has things that reminded us of Melkor and Sauron. Hao is a personification of evil and destruction. His main power is Fire, and I’m capitalizing here because the spirit that is his main source of power is called the Spirit of Fire and it’s huge, like balrog huge.

But unlike with Melkor and Sauron, we got to hear directly from Hao why he thinks the destruction of humanity is a good idea. As it turns out, Hao actually has a shit-list on humanity collected over the last thousand years, and we look horrendous on it. It’s hard to argue that we are not cancerous, narrow-minded, selfish bunch of crap who frequently gives into the tendency to destroy each other and is going to destroy this one planet we have and take every other species who had not done any shit to deserve this with it. So, yes, Hao was saying, ‘I’m the necessary evil because you all are shitheads’. And he’s right. In some ways, he’s even more right now than he was back in the 90s.

But you might say that’s one particular lens of interpreting our complex and problematic (as in difficult) legacy. We’re not all bad! Well, true, but us doing good does not in anyway erase the fact that we’ve done some really shitty things as well. That’s why as extreme as Hao’s position might be, he’s about as logically wrong as saying we should keep humanity because we have done some nice things.

And the greatest thing in Shaman King to me is that Hiroyuki never went down that route of that oversimplified counter-argument. He actually had Yoh -- our hero, the personification of good, and Hao’s twin brother -- admitted to not liking human either. In fact, Yoh was the one most sympathetic to Hao’s position even though he disagreed that destroying humanity would solve any of Hao’s problems.

And Hao’s biggest problem was that he was isolated, dehumanized, and betrayed over such a long time that he lost the ability to trust and to love. And as time progressed and Hao becomes more powerful, you can even argue that he lost the ability to love himself. When Hao became God, he isolated himself from other souls, pushing even his most loyal followers away by displays worthy of an evil dark lord when they in fact contradicts how he had always treated them-- with kindness and understanding that they never received from others.

But that tactic wasn’t going to work on Yoh’s watch. The guy basically threw the biggest spirit party ever, invited everyone who ever crossed path with Hao, and gave the man the biggest metaphorical group hug. There were some stern talks about his past behaviour and ambitions, but all in all, everyone acknowledged that he was a person -- complicated and damaged but still a person worthy of friendship and love and loyalty. And after all the embarrassing reunion, including being enthusiastically called ‘nii-chan’ (that’s a cute way of calling someone ‘big-bro’) by his supposed mortal enemy and twin brother, Hao just kind of went ‘Fine! I warned you Earth sucks with humans on it, but if you want to make it better so much then go do it. I’ll watch you try!’

So, yep, that’s how you literally prevent apocalypse with the power of love. I wish more heroes adopt this strategy.

^Hao as God Almighty from the sequel to Shaman King. Art by Takei Hiroyuki. This is to say that Hao is also a crazy cat-person.

Gabriel -- Daemon Hunters

Speaking of gods, here’s another god you should not mess with. I have to admit that this guy scares the living daylight out of me. And it’s not because he’s evil or cruel or twisted. Gabriel is... nothing. Really nothing. He was born out of an experiment to create a living god. And when knowledge and power are chosen over compassion, this is the destructive result.

Gabriel was born more powerful than anything under the sky. And he knew everything -- past, present, and future. He looked into a person’s eyes and he knew the life that was and the life that still to come. Except for one thing, one moment at the end of the world when he would meet a creature more powerful than himself, a creature that knew the answer to one last question Gabriel did  not: why was he alive?

And for that answer, Gabriel would do anything -- kill people, play with their minds, break their souls, wipe out an entire city or country. Literally, nothing was off-limits. And he was like a force of nature. You couldn’t negotiate or bargain with this guy because he didn’t care about puny little humans with puny little minds. He’s looking for an answer, and nothing was going to stop him.

So yeah, evil is not scary at all in my book. The insatiable thirst that knows no love? Yeah, totally.

^The entire internet seriously just have this one picture of Gabriel. The sorrow of being in a non-existing fandom, I supposed.

Sebastian Michaelis -- Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji

Technically speaking, Sebastian is not a villain. He’s one of the two protagonists of Kuroshitsuji -- the other being my beloved anti-hero Ciel Phantomhive -- but considering that Sebastian (i) is a demon (ii) is after Ciel’s soul (iii) loves leading my dear boy astray, I count him as one.

Being treated in the narrative as one of the main characters is probably why he’s the most relatable on the list. Even though he’s a demon, he’s not treated as a personification of evil, just a corrupted creature serving as a vehicle for his master’s ambitions who likes to have fun along the way. That is not to say he’s not bad. He totally is. He would tear people to pieces as he kills them. He likes mind games and has no qualm manipulating people to get what he wants.

But the thing is, humans do that, too. Sebastian’s corruptness is not exceptional in anyway. We like to think we know what is right and wrong, but do we? We think we have made the best choices out of the goodness of our hearts, but were they, really? The matter of fact is a lot of our decisions are lazy, selfish, or just meanness dressed up as something else. There are moments when Sebastian demon’s ‘aesthetics’ seems more morally sound than the morality of a human being. And that’s kind of the theme of the series -- that the evil within clad in self-righteousness, desperation, and elitism can be more reprehensible than the evil without.

^Art by Yana Toboso. I feel compelled to mention that Sebastian is also a crazy cat-person.

Johan Liebert -- Monster

To me, there is rarely a personification of evil more terrifying and a deconstruction more nuanced and heartbreaking than that in Naoki Urasawa’s Monster.

And it’s not even his best work! It was his first work in psychological thriller, so you can kind of see him working out how to do thriller and play with with characters’ psychology on the go. And the psyche that governs the entire story is that of Johan Liebert -- arch-villain, evil-incarnate, the new Napoleon of Crime. He rarely made any appearance in the story, but every time he did, I literally wanted to hyperventilate.

But really, setting Johan up that way was kind of a red-herring on Urasawa’s part, a good red-herring, too, because he was giving what Tolkien gave us in Middle-earth -- a personification of evil, someone we can point the finger to and blame for all the wrong in the world. And Johan played the dark lord to the tee.

Except then Urasawa slowly pulled the rug from under us. Little by little, as Dr. Kenzou Tenma, our personification of good, uncovered Johan’s past, we come to realize that there were other evil that made Johan. But then when Dr. Tenma approached those people, the big-bads dwindled into an old deluded man, a woman hunted, a mad scientist trying to repent his sin -- people after people who had made a decision based on their beliefs and made the wrong one.

I think what made Monster so powerful is how it uses Johan as the focal point to deconstruct evil down to its origin, to the fact that there is no other evil in the world than us. The evil without really is just a manifest of the evil within, and that little moments where we might have let it win could snowball into something monumentally terrifying.

But Urasawa’s view of human nature is not all doom and gloom. Yes, we’re at times wretched and wicked, but we can be better when we choose to be. And that idea is actually what Dr. Tenma represents. Tenma didn’t start out being good. He lied about his history. He was motivated by reputation and ego rather than the well-being of his patients. He had to be confronted by the consequence of his decisions and have his entire world crashing down to the ground to find the path to being good. And after that, it still wasn’t easy, as trying to be good in a world full of shitty people often is.

But things had changed for him, and I think that’s why he thought Johan could, too. That’s why he could never shoot even though Johan let him.

So, is Johan evil? My answer is yes. After all, he had done grave wrongs to people knowingly. But could he turn from the path of evil? Well, I think the more appropriate question is, have you?

^Original design by Naoki Urasawa. I was once terrified of blue eyes because of this man.

[jungbeez]

☁ミ✲

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡. a guide about my ★ fav kpop groups .*｡･ﾟ✫*

ミ✭ BTS

actually my bias group

i don’t post a lot about them lately because I’m angry at the fandom (don’t get me wrong, it’s not that i hate armys is just that some of the new armys - the ones that were born after billboard - need to fucking chill).

and because i’m a multifandom queen who can’t distribute her time equally.

going back to the topic

i’ve become an army in INU era and sincerly i love the style of BTS until that era more than the following - you know, hip hop style, hip hop boys spitting fire, lyrics about things THAT ARE NOT LOVE, yeah, that was my kink

the reason i love them so much is for their personalities - DID I HEARD ANGELS??? 

and the make me laugh a lot so that’s like 10 points

Bias: Jiminie ~ but i wanna marry Tae so bad #noshame

Fav song: nevermind (i have lyrics tattooed on my arm if that’s not loyalty)

Fact: Yoongi’s my fav rapper of the kpop and no one can’t change my mind; when jimin dyed his hair orange i asked my mom to do mine too (and she let me so can you imagine me with fucking orange hair just because i love him gosh); for my 19 birthday, my brother gave 30 photos of them just so i could stick them in the wall of my new room i’m living by my own because of university.

Quick note: i hope i can bring myself to hype the boys as much as I did

Things i want: Jin to have lines. thank u. bye 

ミ✭ MONSTA X

mOnSTeRS oF kpOP

one of the fandoms i like the most because the people is so chill yet we all have that dark emo concept i live for

i’m a monbebe since before the monbebe name was choosen

but i did not watch no mercy AND THANK GOD BECAUSE I’M A SENSITIVE PERSON AND I DON’T WANT TO CRY changkyunprotectionsquad

i saw them debut and i was beautiful

the reason i like them is for the hip hop vibe and because they try so hard yet everyone still sleeps on them

i seriously don’t know a group like them and i legit cried with his first win

incredible humans in earth i’m just in love

Bias: okay so just let me say that i changed biases like three times because they stole my heart Kiki~ i love my mom

Fav song: it was I miss you until Lost in the dream punched me in the face THOSE VOCALS GOD

Fact: there was a time of my life i was the only one of my close friends that liked monsta so i didn’t have anyone to talk about them so i try to introduce them to my brother but he didn’t want because was a anti kpop lil shit, but after 2 years and a Shine forever i got it and now they’re his bias group so everything is cool now; i actually made my mom to like them her bias is minhyuk

Quick note: stan talent, stan monsta x

Things i want: a solo album of hyungwon pls

ミ✭ SEVENTEEN

seventeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen YOP

if you like monsta you like seventeen  praise the monteen family

okno

but i coulnd’t not stan such a talented kings

at first i was afraid because they were so soft and pastel and cheerios but they know how to play with my heart

maybe the only soft concept i like #aesthetic kings

actually #vocals kings

and #dance kings

just #kings

again i’m a 🥕 since before they choosed it and i’m so pleased with the name because i did not like any of the others lmao

but came in Mansae era his first comeback so it’s like forever

i did not watch predebut videos and everynight i cried because of that

Bias: i’d said it was hard choosing one but i’ll be lying because he choosed me: my shining star HOSHI.

Fave song: i’m always between trauma and check in im hip hop trash

Fact: is the first group where i’m a noona and i legit screamed when my friend told me dino was a 99 liner. don’t ask me why but i like being a noona and having idols my age (SEUNGKWAN AND HANSOL) i feel more closer??? the raise of 98 liners; i like to comment on minghao’s instagram post even when he never replies :(; i have a thing for jeonghan’s voice - the normal voice, just him talking makes me feel things

Quick note: my dream is to meet josh and have a coup of tea with him

Things i want: CHINA LINE TO HAVE FUCKING LINES

ミ✭ NCT

NCT IN DA HOUSEEEEE

i was waiting for that because they’re my current obsesion

but like is funny

because i’ve been with them since debut - i still remember the day the 7th sense was released and that my bias for the day was mark and everything was easy

but the current 2018 thing and all of them debuting is what bringed me back to the hype

i even watched the smrookies show this is insane

and i can’t explain why i love them so much is just... destiny. since the day my friend discovered me the smrookies thing. and it’s destiny because before them i did not like any sm group. all my friends are sm hoes but not me and then these kids appeared just to remember me that sm always win

i’ve been a fan since forever, like, i was young then and now i’m finishing my second year of university this is crazy

this is gonna be long

i love the nct family

the fandom but nct theirselves, they’re like a big family and thats beautiful, i can spend hours watching videos of them being cute with eachother just so my heart can be a little more warmer

my fave subunit is dream YO DREAM

i said it, i like being a noona and in nct i’m older to 8 people of 18, and the same age as Jungwoo so basically only half of the nct are older and i think that’s beaufitul 

but  don’t like them only for being my kids but TALENT

they’re younger than me and that talented what the fuck i’m doing with my life i’m just here being a proud mom and nothing else

now

Biases: HAHAHAHAdid u thought i only have one what a joke. so, they’re all so cute i spend a lot of time thinking but at least i know it now: JUNGWOO because damn boy my uwus are all over the place, Renjun (ma kid will save china), Jaemin (i don’t have to give any reason go love jaemin), Kun (ma mom will save china) and Ten (JUST----).

Fave song: oh god, Boss, Without you (bury me in the CHINESE VERSION), GO (i’m so proud of my kids), Whiplash (sorry mom), We young (i’ll stop here because i’m totally saying all the songs they have)

Fact: my first bias was Mark and i totally understand my past self, that girl has good taste in rappers, when nct dream debuted i thought they were 10 years old, i’m still don’t understand why winwin is in two subunits and yet doesn’t have lines, i’ve been waiting for nct china all my life, i don’t want more members because i like the way the nct is now, and i want the dream to not change member because i’m sad enough with mark not coming back again with them imagine when there’s only jisung and the maknaes, i just love the fact that jaemin talks the same way he raps, jeno’s “nope” and “yup” in go reblog if you agree

Quick note: sm let mark lee rest 

Things i want: nct to never change and become a weird group with 50 members