#I love that I genuinely struggle to understand his goals and intentions it makes him so interesting

[lovely-hikari-cosplay]

Gotta be one of my favorite dubious forces 🖤

[juminies]

Don't know if you've ever talked on this subject or not, but what's your interpretation on Jumin's relationship with Jaehee after her good ending? Really love how mindfully you explain Jumin's feelings and actions, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter! Especially bc her route kinda leaves many people feeling like he's an antagonist of sorts 😬 But I kinda always felt like he'd respect her a lot, especially once he sees how much passion she puts into her dream? And Jaehee shows her genuine care for Jumin, too, moreso after his infamous crash. I'm kinda babbling here, but yeah! Really curious to read up on your interpretation <3

I haven't talked about this before actually—I think there's a lotttt of nuance to it and I didn't want to be haphazard with it in case it comes across as me being over lenient with corporate heirs or whatever hahah. I promise I'm not! I just love Jumin. Also sorry this took me a while to answer, I had actually just started a game the day you sent it with the intention of doing Jaehee's route so I decided I would play before responding to ensure it was fresh in my mind. I hadn't played her route in so long, and I wanted to get the Jumin outgoing calls too!

To get into how I think he would treat her after some time passes I first want to discuss their dynamic in her route a bit, because I honestly think people are unnecessarily harsh on him because of it sometimes. I personally don't feel as if they pushed him too far into an antagonistic role, but perhaps since Cheritz weren't bringing in an outsider (à la Echo Girl or Sarah Choi) to act as the driving force it seemed that way to some people? It was inevitable given the nature of Jaehee's struggles that Jumin would be viewed as the bad guy in a sense, but I feel like it's often sort of blown out of proportion due to a misunderstanding of both Jumin's intentions and his character as a whole. He is admittedly at his worst in Jaehee's route, but people tend to brush his actions during it off as completely out of line and absurd and then go on to use it to totally mischaracterise him as someone who doesn't value his employees whatsoever or is an abusive boss. In reality though, the way he acts as a superior in general as well as given the specific circumstances is very... Jumin? in that it's logical and efficient and goal-driven. Jaehee's route is such a push and pull in the sense that the two of them clash repeatedly in a scenario where neither person is willing to compromise—for what, to each of them personally, is good reason! Jaehee is a victim of a wider system, of capitalism itself, less so than of Jumin as an individual.

On one hand, Jaehee having to give up a project she was finally actually enjoying working on would be incredibly frustrating, even without having something she actively dislikes stacked on top of it. I get why she went against Jumin's wishes of doing a bad job (why would she choose now of all times to put in half of her effort when it's something she's actually having fun with?) and I get why she used Seven's cat hotel proposal. Life can be messy like that. Sometimes you have to make a decision that has a shitty outcome for someone else for your own sake or vice versa. She should be doing something that makes her happy, and had she not gotten the encouragement to find something she loves she would have continued to feel unfulfilled for god knows how long. Plus, in regard to the coffee report she is still technically doing her job and doing it well, even if going against her boss' personal wishes in doing so. She also does use her own time to revise it in the end so Jumin can have his way (and maybe a little bit so she can use her ideas for her own place) so, to me, that says she understands where he's coming from and doesn't particularly resent him. It's a complex situation for sure, and objectively Jumin does have the upper hand even if he doesn't quite realise the extent of it. I absolutely support Jaehee in her endeavours; I love her so much and she absolutely deserves better than eternal C&R bullshit.

At the same time, Jumin's perspective does make sense if you try to understand his worldview a bit more. Jaehee is the only person at C&R he feels he can genuinely rely on, and when he's already been thrown through a loop with his father prior to her disobedience it's entirely logical that he would feel as if everyone who should be working with him is suddenly against him. Jumin has been shown before to not quite have a grasp on the social standing he holds over Jaehee, for example in this chat from deep story day 2 where he doesn't understand why she can't tell him, as he told her, that she doesn't like seeing him in chatrooms.

And I think it's genuine obliviousness as opposed to purposeful ignorance; he overlooks bigger structures at play because he legitimately values hearing the honest opinions of the people around him and expects them to have a mutual respect for him. As far as Jumin is concerned his employees should be able to come to him with honest feedback, but of course that typically isn't the case and so Jaehee can't express how she really feels to him lest she face consequences. Jumin's thought process when it comes to employment is shown to be, to put it simply, people work for money -> more work is more money -> more work is good, and it hasn't been explained to him why this isn't the case for a lot of people. Jaehee's actions register to Jumin as is simply a betrayal of his trust and respect, because he doesn't quite see the level at which he and Jaehee are on unequal footing in the first place. On top of that he is rigid in that he needs everything to be done as he expects it; he does not like sudden change and (as demonstrated in his own route) can be incredibly rattled by it if he is already otherwise stressed or overworked. Just because he stands strong for his friends does not mean he is entirely invulnerable to being overwhelmed and acting out, and while I completely agree he was on some level being selfish in regards to the cat project, at the point where Jaehee quits she has already left him with what (to Jumin) is a mess to handle essentially on his own. He is overworked too, something Jaehee admits herself, and he wanted to transfer the coffee project to another department both to make less work for the two of them and in order to not succumb to his father's lack of consideration for anyone or anything but his current partner.

Again I do not blame Jaehee for anything she did whatsoever—I think it was a good idea for her to quit and she absolutely deserves the happiness she finds in MC and their café!—but Jaehee is incredibly competent and Jumin knows that. Consequently he knows she has big boots to fill and it can't be done on a whim. I'm sure you can see why he would be incredibly frustrated. As a whole it's just a very messy situation where the two of them can't really fathom the other's perspective. Their lives and outlooks on the world are so intrinsically different at this turning point in Jaehee's life, and that's fine. Neither of them have bad intentions towards the other whatsoever.

Now to actually answer your question! Firstly I want to put out there that he says this on days nine and ten respectively:

Then I want to add that I do not think Jumin is the type to hold a grudge. He is shown frequently to take on a sort of each to their own/whatever will be will be attitude, and though this situation is something that impacts him directly I can't imagine him taking it any more personally in the long term than he would anything else. Sure he's a little hostile in her AE, but to be completely honest with you I do not think he would have gone to visit the café at all if he was completely furious and had lost all respect for Jaehee (and/or MC) after her endeavours. Again he knows that Jaehee is highly capable, hardworking, and generally a very good person, and I can't imagine that one rocky dilemma between the two of them is something that would make him bad tempered around her forever. He still clearly held her highly and has a lot of respect for her despite their differences, and she doesn't seem to have any ill will towards him either. Ultimately, as you say, he would grow to respect her passion and would hear her out on why she took the course of action she did in the end. While Jumin may not be great at putting himself in others shoes he can identify patterns well, and it lets him draw parallels between his own experiences and other people's. Once he finds the common ground (he knows how fulfilling passion projects can be, he knows how frustrating it can be to work yourself to the bone for others' sake without any real incentive, and he values real friendship an awful amount) I think he would accept it.

I actually feel like hypothetically in the long term not working together would be good for their relationship in terms of RFA too—Jaehee was only made part of the group originally because of Jumin and it meant that all of their interactions even amongst their mutual friends were that of a work relationship. We know they both dislike being in chatrooms together and dislike hearing each other talk outside of work, which was bound to have put a strain (even if very minor) on their association with RFA as an organisation. Jaehee even says herself it's like an extension of C&R for her! Dropping the working boundary between them means less tiptoeing around each other and more openness among friends, especially for Jaehee.

As for Yoosung becoming Jumin's intern/assistant, I don't think it would carry the same tone into RFA as it did with Jaehee since they are already well associated without the business relationship prior to Yoosung being hired. Sure things might be a little weird at times, but no discomfort or frustration to the same extent. It's already shown to be kind of unserious and silly, and I honestly don't think Yoosung would last long as Jumin's assistant anyway, lol.

[elitadream]

I love how you’ve stressed the understanding of Junior not TRULY being able to pick sides when it comes to his father and Mario. With him being a young child, making that distinction between what is good and bad pretty much comes down the that nature vs nurture aspect.

I can see almost see both ways happen, as a child who’s strived to impress a parent that isn’t the best role model, there have been moments where I’ve had to ignore or hide what I know as right and wrong and follow what they think as to get that sweet sweet parental praise and love. Maybe as Junior gets older the expectations of taking the throne outweigh his true feelings, and his love and loyalty to his father becomes his downfall. It’s not healthy for this unconditional familial love, especially on both ends. Even if the end goal is to help or provide, if the parents morals are warped or skewed then the child they put out will have those learned behaviors (our nurture aspect) if any of this makes sense.

I can also see an event in which an older Junior comes across a situation in which he does not agree with a decision. Perhaps Bowser has tried to rope an now older Junior into capturing Peach and attempting to rid of Mario and Luigi in a more aggressive fashion. In a fit of desperation and fear, Junior pretends to “defeat” the bro’s. Maybe it was something Mario said, or how sad he looked to be fighting the koopaling he’s come to know and cherish (a pseudo-son of sorts), but in the end Junior just can’t see the reasoning to hurt someone, especially when he knows deep down that him and his father are the ones at fault. Perhaps the bros make it to the Dark Lands and make it to Bowsers and him, leading to a final standoff. Junior doesn’t want to hurt anyone, it’s not fun to see others in pain or suffering, and the conflict of interest between him and his father may drive that decision to turn away from Bowser. Presumably leading to a Father vs Son, a Generation vs Generation, a true Right vs Wrong. (Maybe our nature aspect)

The speculation space you provide is fantastic, from the short blurbs and scenes we have gotten and the bread crumbs of text show that Junior appreciates and loves his father while respecting and looking up to Mario as well. The conflict of role models and with just how young Junior still is shows that he could still be swayed in either direction. The fantastic part to me is there is still no way to tell yet.

Your AU and everything you’ve put forth so far is gorgeous and I am so happy to have been able to come across you blog on more than one occasion. Please continue your world building, what you have is something you should be proud of. (*´꒳`*)

Ooh yes, Junior is a very conflicted character on that front! 🥺🙇‍♀️ He loves his father greatly and wants to make him proud, but he's also deeply and genuinely fond of Mario- and finding himself torn between radically opposing forces creates a very intense struggle for him, emotionally and morally speaking.

The tragic beauty in this conflict is that Junior finds candid motivation on both ends due to the very strong affection and admiration that he feels for the two. His intentions originate from the right place regardless of who they're directed at, and he will inevitably sway back and forth because of this.

While I've shown him as being a "good" kid (in the sense that he isn't inherently evil, but rather a blank canvas like most children are), his father's influence in his life is still huge and incredibly potent, the same way Mario's impact on him is felt very strongly despite him really wanting to be worthy of his father's esteem.

I love Junior's character for that reason- the ambiguity, the incertainty and the constant dilemma that comes with trying to meet contrasting expectations. He's a paradoxical figure, his heart leaning in two different directions at the same time, and one that is bound to evolve in a very non-linear way because of it. 🎇

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this!! That was a beautiful analysis, and I'm delighted that you like my portrayal of the small koopa. 🙏 Thank you for your wonderful compliment on my work, that's immensely appreciated. ☺️💟

[incorrect-pipravi]

Thinking about when Naomi mentioned Andie's friendgroup she wasn't a part of! It was definitely a popular group, too. So there was Andie, Emma and Chloe. There was also Chris, Max and Jamie. So basically girl trio and guy trio. That is what makes sense to me and I have such a vivid image of each personality! To summarize it

Andie: The Queen Bee. Natural leadership skills, bossy, ruthless, ambitious, gorgeous, materialistic, fun loving but also secretly compassionate, motherly and insecure. Andie would definitely be the protective mom friend. She'd be a control freak, too.

Chloe: I imagine Chloe to be a Nat-like personality! She comes across as tough, ruthless confident and blunt. She is never afraid to be brutally straightforward and tell it like it is but she also has a playful side where she likes to mess with others emotions by makung fun of them. Bit of a bad girl vibe as opposed to Andie's clean girl. But she's also loyal, passionate and supportive. Always having your back if you're on her good side. She comes across as rather aggressive but beneath that is quite an insecure and vulnerable girl who's afraid of showing weaknesses and get hurt again. She stays in the group because she enjoys popularity and good time and she's willing to turn a blind eye to a lot of stuff.

Emma: Emma is a bit of a Naomi personality. She comes across as warm, caring and bubbly, being a bit of a people pleaser. She's also usually smooth and social which mixes well with her warm, motherly nature. Emma is the most naive out of three girls and is mainly in group because she wants to fit in and maintain friendships she believes are genuine. She has a bit of a nerdy side where she's interested in history, especially history of fashion. Emma is also very insecure and those insecurities can make her act out and mess up. That's why she's rather unpredictable and has that air of mystery around true nature of her intentions.

Jamie: Jamie can be a difficult person to predict or put in a box. He's known as a bit of a silent troublemaker who's good at manipulation and is always up to something. He's fun loving, moody,laidback and despite prefering to just goof around, has a serious, calculating side to himself that gives him an air of mystery. Jamie is also caring and protective of those he holds close. Jamie struggles with self esteem issues which make it difficult for him to have hope in himself or some ambitions. That leads him to find an escape within hedonism, partying, alcohol, messing around and sex. Jamie has many intellectual interests and is a bit of a nerd, too.

Max: Max is known as your typical class clown jock. He comes across as chaotic, chirpy, loud and goofy. Always up to something and never having any chill. He's known for his unpredictable mood swings. He can be bouncing off the walls, living it up one mo ent and then sit in the corner sulking the next. Max has this childish edge to him where he can't fully grasp consenquences of things he says/does which leads to trouble. Max is a shameless attention seeker. He can get pretty manipulative, sneaky about it too. Despite how he acts, he's known to be a bit naive and a people pleaser towards the right people. Underneath the manic persona, Max is emotionally wrecked, desperate for attention/affection and struggling with self esteem and deep insecurities. He doesnt have much goals in his life except of living it to the fullest while he can and maybe find someone who will understand him for once.

Chris: Chris is known as the hotest guy in school, sure but he doesnt really care that much. He's the type that comes across laidback, warm and smooth. He's usually rather calm and reserved, being a bit shy. He's the kindest out of the boys, being a bit of a people pleaser. He has a playful, fun loving side and is always up for a good time. Chris is known to be a bit naive, too. Chris is really insecure underneath the surface tho. Those insecurities can make him act out recklessly aswell. Chris is also smart and a good student that has a natural curiosity towards knowledge. He is good in science, history and it became an inside joke that he's a walking google search. Chris is mostly there because he likes validation and benefits that come from being popular aswell as to maintain friendships with his boys. However Chris is also bit of a mysterious person because he has a cunning, sneaky side to him and no one is sure about his true morals and intentions. He turns a blind eye to a lot of things, too.

I’m so invested in this universe!!!

You gave them such an intriguing personalities that makes you naturally want to explore them. I love how you described them perfectly. I can literally see all of them being the way you described, especially Jamie.

I LOVED THIS! Share more?

[a-lil-bi-furious]

what’s your favourite thing about Scott McCall? 🥰

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to gush about my boy! This is honestly such a difficult question because there are so many things I love about Scott McCall. He's witty and Intelligent, devoted and kind, strong and gentle. He's inspiring. He's the funniest lil shit around. He's soft with animals and wants to be a healer. I love his little mole and the sound of his voice and the way his face scrunches up with that bright sunshine smile. I love his rare bursts of anger and the struggle with it he buries. I love the complexity of his emotions and how he bears the weight of the world and still finds a way to keep going.

If I have to choose, though, my favorite thing about Scott is the depth of his empathy and how that shapes his actions. We see time and again throughout the show that Scott already seems to have a lot of empathy for others naturally, even to the point of hints at him being an empath (see: Scott feeling Erica's seizure from another room over). But what is perhaps most impressive is his intentional practice of empathy in cases where it may be difficult/he may not immediately feel it.

It's Scott telling Allison "You could be crying for you. You lost someone." when she's struggling with missing Kate, a mass-murderer who tried to kill Scott, but was still Allison's family. It's him responding "I get that" when Chris points a gun at him and says: "I guess there's a part of me that still wants to shoot you" even though, really, Scott has done nothing to Chris. It's "No, I mean you. I don't want you to get hurt" when Isaac is still his enemy. It's Scott following Jackson to Derek's to protect him, even though he and Jackson are far from friends.

He has an extraordinary gift for putting himself in other people's shoes. Scott is kind and caring toward his friends and family, he does what he can to protect and soothe strangers, but most incredible is the way he actively practices empathizing with people who, arguably, do not deserve it from him.

It's the way he still has faith that Peter has good in him, even after Peter tried to kill him months before. The way he trusts Theo to help them with the ghost riders and then the hunters, even though he's clearly terrified and, to use his own words, wants to tear Theo apart. How when Matt--who had just shot Scott, harmed his friends, and murdered multiple people--tells Scott his story, Scott looks genuinely horrified and sympathetic when he realizes Matt drowned.

I also find Scott's struggle to empathize with himself compelling. As the show progresses, we watch Scott shoulder more and more responsibility for everyone and everything around him. In the pilot we watch as his autonomy is violated and he's changed against his will; we watch him hurt again and again, make mistakes, save the day. And still, regarding himself, Scott arrives at blame rather than understanding. Frayed/Motel California are a great example of this, with Scott blaming himself for Derek's supposed death and concluding "What if doing this (dying) is the best thing I can do for everyone else?" Compare this to what he says about Liam being dragged into the supernatural and struggling later on, that he's "just a kid". It's an interesting difference between how he views himself and his own mistakes/bad things that happen versus others in his position.

I've already rambled too long, but I suppose my point is that Scott's empathy shapes so much of who he is as a person. It motivates his goals, particularly those relating to other people and giving people chances to be their best selves. It builds strong relationships with others, even without always meaning to (see: long line of strays who become incredibly loyal to Scott). It is simultaneously a strength and, at times, a fatal flaw. And it largely motivates Scott's practice of kindness, gentility, and hope--none of which are easy, especially in his circumstances. I think he's wonderful for it.

[kiiromaru]

THH's Moral Alignement and Reasoning

[spoiler for danganronpa 1]

disclaimer: I haven't read the novels, also these aren't character analysis, just my reasoning for why i put them in this category, also please add onto it if you disagree or have anything to say ^^

Lawful Good

Sakura Ogami: She always takes decisions that she considers to be the best for the people around her : trying to proctect her dojo by accepting to work with Monokuma or committing suicide and making sure to write a letter explaining to everyone why she did it as to resolve the situation and create a more peaceful atmosphere among them.

Kyoko Kirigiri: She has good intentions and i feel like what pushes her to act is kind of a "i can do it therefore i should do it" mindset.

Chihiro Fujisaki: Cute baby sunshine, never did anything wrong in their life.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka: He's the Ultimate Moral Compass, pretty self-explanatory.

Naegi Makoto: A genuinely good person who tries his best to be kind.

Neutral Good

Aoi: We can see during chapter 4 that she put her personal beliefs above all else but even if she tried to kill everyone i still think that she is a good person.

Toko (Ultra Despair Girl): If we were talking solely about THH i would've put her in Neutral Evil since she doesn't care about anyone but herself and is pretty mean (also something that i find very interesting during the 4th trial is that even if throughout the game she seems totally devoted and in love with Byakuya + her obvious lack of self esteem she still chose to defend herself when she thought Genocide Jack had killed Sakura which could've led to his death), but the character development she gets in that game is golden so yeah.

Chaotic Good

Mondo: Feel free to disagree with me on that because of the fact that he killed Chihiro who very much did not deserve it but contrary to what Naegi says in the game it absolutely wasn't a cold blooded murder, himself stating that he blacked-out while killing them. I still chose to put him in good because otherwise he really tried to do the right thing (protecting Chihiro's secret by moving their body or even when in the anime he covered Mukuro's bldy with his coat it showed that he was a kind person) + we also know that he uses his influence to minimize tensions between gangs.

True Neutral

Byakuya: I feel like his god complex makes him kind of uncapable to relate to other people and consider their struggles on the same level as him so he doesn't care about anyone + we saw during the 2nd trial that he definitely can't be described as a good person. I truly feel like he couldn't care less about rules or moral implications as he considers himself above it.

Leon: His actions only seem to be motivated by what he wants in that moment without a lot of reasoning behind it, like changing from baseball to music or killing Sayaka when he could've totally ran away after she tried to kill him.

Chaotic Neutral 

Sayaka : I feel like she's morally neutral in the way where she's so goal-oriented that she doesn't care too much about the means to get to an end (which is also implicate in her backstory) but she's aware that what she does might bad : she was willing to let everyone die and pin the crime on Naegi but once her plan failed she still made sure to save everyone instead by writing Leon's name.

Yasuhiro : I hesitated to put him in chaotic evil because of the fact that he quite literally could have/tried to kill Sakura + he never was particularly kind to no one in the game and tried to steal money from us during his free time (tbh im still kinda mad at the wasted potential of making him a nice chill guy but well). In the end i went for neutral because i feel like its more a case of picking the worst possible choice than being a bad person, even if he is quite selfish.

Lawful Evil 

Hifumi: The reason i put him in "lawful" is because what convinced him to kill Ishimaru was Celestia accusing him of SA, which is an understandable reason especially paired with the chance to get out happy and with Celestia but he was still willing to sacrifice everyone to get out so lawful evil it is.

Neutral Evil

Celestia Lundenberg: It was pretty complicated but i settled on this alignement if we take the things she tells us at face value (since i've seen a few people saying that she wasn't actually trying to win the game and that's why her plan was so sloppy). I don't feel like she's a bad person but she doesn't care about doing bad things to get what she wants.

Mukuro Ikusaba: That's where me not reading the novels probably makes a difference because i know that she gets more development there but based on the game and the anime i have to put her here, even if she was obviously manipulated by Junko she still seemed to agree with her.

Chaotic Evil

Junko Enoshima: Do i really need to explain ?

Genocide Jack: I mean, she enjoys killing people and has no other reason for what she does.

Thank you if you read all of that, sorry for any typos/grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language and i wrote it all in one go. Please tell me what you think :)

[malin-la]

hello i was stalking your blog and saw you were writing a fic on the akutagawas backstory and planning to give their friends personalities and all so would you mind sharing any hcs you have for them ? i rly love thinking about those little guys but there isn’t much to go by haha

I need you to know that you are my favourite person ever for asking this and you now have my favour eternally

Please enjoy as much as I could come up with on my 1 hour lunch break at work

Alright let’s talk about the sillies!! (Sorry for the low quality pictures lmao)

For general information: The eight of them are a very tight-knit group. They are all younger than Akutagawa (canon), but the three in the middle of the picture above are about the same age as Gin (headcanon)

I’ll be going through the kids in what I believe to be their age order

Takahiro (canon name):

- leader and spokesperson of the group

- friendly and sweet with the other kids, but defensive and almost rude to everyone else

- ready to make hard cuts to keep him and his friends alive, even if the younger ones don’t understand

- somewhat threatened by Akutagawa’s presence, but keeps that to himself since he does offer the group protection

Shinya (canon name):

- I imagined her personality to be very similar to Chuuya’s: brash and aggressive but fiercely loyal

- unofficial co-leader of the group

- has taken on a big sister role to Sayaka specifically and will do anything to both physically and emotionally protect her since she’s so young

- has slight self-destructive tendencies, and will always pick “fight” in a fight or flight situation

Akio (made up name):

- second co-leader

- easily excitable and optimistic

- been in the slums for a very short amount of time, is still shocked by the levels of violence that occur there

- almost idolizes Akutagawa, almost seeing him as some magic superhero who always comes to the rescue

Rin (canon name):

- has been in the slums for a long time, and didn’t start out with the group unlike most of the other kids

- met the Akutagawa’s earlier on in the story, when she worked as a bet collector for a fighting ring in the slums

- got very close to Gin when they worked for the fighting ring together (spoiler alert ig)

- VERY heavily dislikes the way Takahiro treats other people, and will not hesitate to fight back the second he turns that attitude on their group, even if it’s by accident

- possibly the tiniest crush on Gin (this will never be addressed in the fic but it doesn’t make it any less true)

Minoru (made up name):

- surpringly skilled manipulator, uses the fact that people underestimate him to his advantage

- cocky and smug

- kind of a suck-up to Takahiro but ultimately has good intentions

- many of the kids wonder why he hasn’t left them, since he would fare well on his own

- he stays because he does genuinely care about his friends, he has no care for Akutagawa’s protection

Yuuji (canon name):

- quiet and reserved, rarely sharing his own ideas

- struggles to hold his own on group jobs, but tries his absolute hardest so he doesn’t hold everyone back

- emotionally attached to his beanie, since it’s one of the only things he has from his real home

- would protect either of the younger kids with his life, but would just as easily hide behind the older kids for protection

Katsumi (canon name):

Sorry for the terrible pictures but that’s all we’ve got

- dissociates often, and has some pretty severe memory gaps as a result

- tends to succumb to peer pressure, even if the group isn’t directly pressuring him

- sees Takahiro and Akutagawa as big brothers that will protect him

- not one (1) athletic bone in his body, and often gets biggyback carried by Shinya if they need to run away quickly

Sayaka (canon name):

- youngest of the group at only 6

- escaped an orphanage with some of the older kids, still cries about missing it despite how she was treated

- loves moving vehicles and her life goal is to “be big enough to drive a car”. Shinya promised to teach her when she turns nine

- is often left behind with one of the middle-aged children out of fear or getting hurt, but sometimes they have no choice but to bring her…

- happy, sweet, innocent, she looks up to her seven (now nine) older siblings and wants nothing more than for them to be happy

<><><><><>

Anyways my lunch break is about to end, but I always have more to talk about with these eight. Thanks so much for asking about them and pls keep asking!! The writing process for this fic is quite long and I adore talking about all the little things as I get through it

[linguiniroll]

October 20th 2024

I was quite intentional about the type of therapist I wanted to sign up with. I wanted my therapist to be a man. A man that’s successful in multiple ways, a man who is fit (as in a clear disciplined gym goer), believes in god/spiritual, financially wealthy, a family man and objectively good looking. This was near impossible as a therapist but found a service where there are listed ‘life coaches’ instead but with therapist backgrounds but had more of a tough edge instead of traditional coddling. You can also view and see their socials and work to back it up. Their demographic is mostly men but there are some women that have signed up, me being one.

That list what not to distract for the reason of a crush or anything stupid and artificial like that, but because I want to genuinely learn from a seasoned man about where in my past I have gone wrong in different areas of my life. Where I can understand the opposite sex better without a female bias lens. One of the goals alongside the other reasons for why signing back up to therapy, is for July and general housekeeping.

I am a few sessions in now so he’s knows a fair bit. I haven’t cried in therapy much despite how many therapists I’ve tried in the past. However, the latest session with him I did. I acknowledged I struggle with being impulsive and there was a moment where I let my emotions get the better of me and started a confrontation with X over something silly, despite backing down shortly after and apologising when X called me out on being extreme (rightly so), it still caused escalated confrontation due to his upset and was used as part reasoning for the breakup two weeks later which I’ve been holding blame for.

My coach listened, took a pause before responding and said something so monumental. He said (our sessions are recorded so this is near accurate)

“Davina, you might have had a bratty emotionally reactive response, you might have apologised, but that will mean nothing to a man who hasn’t developed selfless emotional intelligence.

Around that time you were not only dealing with the insecurity of a job loss which also created financial insecurity, you were home alone, you had a relative with incurable cancer, you got attacked by two men, got Covid, couldn’t sleep properly due to anxiety, your boyfriend was spending more time being there for new developing relations. It wasn’t a ‘silly’ reaction, you were desperate for any sign of care and selfless affection from him. You were having a normal human reaction to a series of events which was absolutely not a reflection of your personality and core values. He failed as a man to safely respond to your emotional state. To the one person who has been there for him through all his lows and used those couple of weeks as an excuse to neglect you. To justify pinpointing negative blips that any power relationship has to convince himself you’re incompatible. Do you realise how pathetic that is? Your paths crossed when you were 22 and he was 23 and he’s about to turn 29 and now conveniently discovers you’re not compatible? That he needs to be single to focus on a career? That’s not a man, that’s a boy. Any man that tries to act noble by saying you deserve better to a woman is a cop out because they’re selfish beings at their core.

Again, this is not a reflection of you but an entire reflection of him. HE failed, not you, show more grace. No man who is finally on an upwards trajectory while his woman who has supported him through his trenches over the years, and is now going through her trenches, should use that new high of his to build them both back up. He was on a rise while you got floored from an unexpected hit and he abandoned you to nurture his own wants. Let him. If you’re going to cry and be heartbroken, make sure it’s over a man and not one who is just pretending to be one”

Anyway, that’s not even all of it, but needless to say I shut up and sat there angrily silently sobbing.

Bonus tough love things he said which is helping take X off a pedestal but also made me chuckle:

- “who the fuck does a heart chakra meditation and uses that as an excuse to act heartless?” (He cooked with this)

- “you’re telling me that he agreed to not venting to his younger male friend who hasn’t been in a similar situation, to then telling a 46 year old man who got out of a 14 year old relationship due to being cheated on who also doesn’t know you or your relationship history with each other and believed he wouldn’t have a bias? Even if subconscious? After meeting him once?! The daddy issues are strong here.”

- “Davina, what the fuck”

- “Davina, every time you defend his actions and try to show grace to what he’s done in the past, you’re allowing a stab to yourself. I know you still care about him, but he didn’t care about you then and doesn’t care about you now, enough”

- “there’s a word for that type of behaviour, it’s called being gullible”

- “anyone who makes fun of someone and labels it as a joke is not an intellectual”

- “peeling you an orange without asking him is a bare minimum”

- “defend him for ‘feeling pressure’ and make an excuse for his actions one more time and I’ll fire you as my client. I’ve felt pressure and didn’t abandon my wife when she was struggling. You’ve felt pressure and didn’t abandon him while he was struggling. He felt pressure while you were struggling and where is he now?”

- “I have coached men like this, I have been friends with men like this, I have been in business with men like this. It might not seem like it now, but it is a good thing he let you go. Women like you don’t need to be with unhealed narcissists”

- “I know you’re confused. Mindfuck is an understandable result of this behaviour. I’m sorry you’re going through this”

- “No, it’s not that you were inadequate. It was that he suffers shiny object syndrome. You were roughed up and in a hard season. He had dangling carrots in front of him. Of course he left. You were a reminder of the dark parts of him he wanted to avoid. He wants to lean into what makes him feel good”

- “Your relationship was full of love and laughter despite the bad moments. It is not your fault he became numb and shut that part out and only focused on the negative without wanting to try cure it before ending it. Let that be his curse, not yours”

- “any person who lacks the skill of introspection and discernment and relies on podcasts, self help books and others solely is not mature”

- “highly competitive people are some of the most insecure people because they thrive off external validation of looking like winners”

- “being single often seems more peaceful as we don’t have someone calling us out our bullshit”

- “you paid for your own birthday lunch with him in the same summer he bought Calvin Klein shirts? Don’t try to defend it by saying he was in school and deserves to treat himself”

- “you’re allowed to be sad for two more sessions and then it’s go time”

- “if you haven’t increased your handstand hold by 5 seconds by next session, reschedule it”

Cheers to not being an avoidant and confronting the healing process I guess 💪🏽💀❤️‍🩹

[mymouthisanopenwound]

entry 2

kinda missing the notes app format as opposed to this new journal bs but ah oh well

amm and i had sex with out me being absolutely shitfaced on… friday night. sorry took me a minute, the lack of sleep is blurring the days together. it was good, in the way that intercourse is. i don’t think it inflamed him with any feelings for me, which is good i guess, as opposed to faking it. I don’t think i am feeling any semblance of love for him either, but i don’t know what im feeling. i want him to like me, probably because he doesn’t like anyone or anything. that seems to be a theme for me, maybe it really is about proving myself. that i can even be worshipped by the wholeheartedly narcissistic (not saying he’s more of a narcissist then any other man). not that it has ever worked, not in truth.

i just wanted to feel good, feel his warm bare skin against mine, feel close with someone. but we aren’t close, im starting to get him figured out though. i thought he was mysterious in a confident way but im led to believe he just is so anxiously self absorbed that he doesn’t feel the need to expand our “relationship”. even in terms of likes and dislikes. to be fair, i did trauma dump on him so it’s not as though he ignored that. but i just felt that he has such a shallow understanding of who i am. maybe i have one of him too. at least i try though, i want to understand him and either the walls are impenetrable or there is nothing behind them. it could be the latter, but is anyone that simple? he makes me insecure. I want to have a life that people are jealous of too. to have the time and energy for my own interests? not that he does have the time, he doesn’t ever sleep. maybe if he slept and ate he’d be a better person, for himself and others. it’s not as though he has a lack of friends, i am just not one of them. we were never friends, always failed lovers. i don’t think i could be his friend though, he complains a lot and id probably hurt his ego too much.

i am an instigator, but not a cynic, contrary it might seem. i only aim to tease until everyone is honest, push them until they explode into truth. who are you? i want to carve a small incision and peel back the surface. the skin. who are you at your worst? maybe if i see someone at their worst i feel better about myself, or maybe i feel power over them, or maybe i feel that they trusted me enough to be vulnerable and real. it’s probably all of the above.

i was jealous of zhs house and loving family before but it was intensified a hundredfold after amma completely gushed over it. i am not sure if i am mistrusting or if he’s true intent was to make me upset, but what would be the goal? would it be the same as mine? to cut me open and see how rotten i am on the inside? i can only dream of that likemindedness. more probable- he genuinely enjoyed the happy, healthy, simple family setting as opposed to my complicated uninviting one. the creepy grandfather. the one with dementia. the full of himself uncle. opioid addicted “aunt”. the narcissistic yet self righteous half uncle. the grandmother who is so inside of herself she comes across as hollow. lastly the complicated relations of everyone there. yes everyone is divorced, separated, estranged, complicated, at the very least awkward or in camis case- spiteful. not that his family is perfect, only that his siblings are all of full blood, parents together, professor and businessman, sister off to Harvard, 4.0, but it’s okay! they were on food stamps when he was eleven, he even got free lunch for a time when they came to the states. imagine that… all the pain and suffering he had to endure before his parents became “self-made”. of course i’m fucking joking. it’s a mockery of real financial struggle. oh no! free lunch?? i thought that was normal growing up. and i saw your childhood home, not fooling anyone. no power turned off, young young parents, laid off, no college, no health care, only alcoholism, a gambling addiction and a mother crying over not being able to afford christmas presents. not all of us have self made parents, we have to be self made all on our own.

he is texting me now so maybe i should stop venting.

we are done now, a short conversation lacking any depth but entertaining as i got to say some mean and slightly “clever” things. god i am such a bitter bitch. i’ll give myself a pass. i was right though, when i told him i hated Bridgeton to some extent because of the fake rich people problems. all about love and pining. hopeless romantic bs. there is real shit people have to go through, not everyone’s worst problem is petty passive aggressiveness in the park during a morning stroll. acting as if your so betrayed and affected by every little thing. as if women aren’t literal property. but it’s a good way to cope in a sense. watching it before zoe had to be put down did make me numb enough to sleep. i just have so much anger and hate. i’d like to think it’s all in response to ignorance and injustice, but it’s most likely something in me that i’m avoiding or compansating for. let’s attempt sleep to quell the wasps buzzing in my chest

[eliwray]

Ok, autistic Wolfe!

Let’s start with one so obvious in the narrative, it’s difficult to know what to say about it!

Autists and their sense of justice. It is INTENSE.

Autistic discourse uses the term "justice sensitivity" to describe this deep, innate sense of justice; it’s such a strong connection, even bad actors defining autism will usually mention this as part of autists’ infamous reputation for “black and white” thinking. Justice and fairness are common autistic values. And injustice or unfairness - even directed at others - is intolerable to many autists to the point where it can be physically painful. This can be especially difficult to manage as children, when even neurotypical kids struggle with both genuine and imagined moments of unfairness. It’s one element of the inflexibility that autists can be known for. It’s a bone-deep drive that can often shape autists' career choices as well.

Wolfe's character and arc are overwhelmingly defined by justice issues. To name even most of the moments that the theme of justice touches Wolfe is to recite the entire plot as it involves him. More specifically, his motivations certainly appear to be to further issues of justice, even within an oppressive system that directly, repeatedly, brutally harms him. I want to draw attention to two moments in particular.

First, we dont meet him until after his imprisonment, and by this point in his life, another character might be motivated primarily by revenge for the wrongs done against him -- either as a developed, intentional thought for payback, or as a hind-brain trauma-driven need to destroy the destroyers. Certainly, other beloved characters hold the mechanism of revenge closer to their heart. But Wolfe works primarily with an eye always on justice, for his loved ones and systemically. Over and over again, to the extent that he can find his agency in any given scene, his goals are fixing the system on a practical level for those involved, fixing the hold of those drunk on cruelty, and taking care of originals the way they deserve to be handled.

Wolfe has always had that eye on widespread justice issues, which brings me to my second point. I have spent a LOT of time pondering that turning point where Wolfe decided to share his printing press. We don’t directly see how he made that decision, or any of his process of inspiration and invention, really. I have to imagine, like many decisions he makes, it was considered with precision, and with his eye for catching larger patterns of power. He kept it to himself and didn’t tell even Santi; he knew the grave danger. But I think he *must* have imagined a scenario where he could be successful. And I believe such a choice would be driven by not just an incomplete understanding of the depth of the evil in the Library, but also by a deep need to act when he is confronted with unfairness -- in this case, systemic injustice toward Obscurists, toward society as a whole, and toward originals.

This is incomplete! Plenty more infodump material on this point. But, I think I’ve made my point. Let’s move on. I’ve got… let’s see... four more points to come? Possibly five, depending on where I split some interlocking elements. Onward!

Hi there! So this series of posts is written by an autist - nearly a year out from a late diagnosis - and I am sorting out a looong resonance with Christopher Wolfe and building a case for him being autistic.

The idea that Wolfe is autistic isn’t going to surprise anyone ever! But my reasons for it might surprise you, depending on what you know about autism. So, without further ado, let’s start what will inevitably be a lot of words on this topic.

First, a few words about autism. Like many things in oppressive systems like ours, a personal perspective of autism built on information passively gathered in our culture can easily be chock full of misinformation. Autism has been overwhelmingly defined by non-autistics describing how autistic kids’ trauma-induced behavior impacts other people, rather than the lived experience, gifts or needs of actual autistic people of any age. I would encourage actively seeking out input from actually autistic people, in order to be informed.

Quick terminology note: ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is a list of problems made by non-autistics and put in the DSM. Autism is a neurodivergence that I have a lot of pride in. The largest overlap of the two is, again, what non-autistics get bothered by in autists with PTSD from being mishandled all our lives. Living and thriving with and inside autism is a whole other ball of wax from that.

I’ll mention this too, because it’s the largest misconception and it impacts Wolfe’s characterization. Non-autistics decided at some point that autists have no empathy, when in fact most autists are easily overwhelmed by an abundance of empathy for other people, animals, and even objects. Check out “the double empathy problem” for further information, but the gist is, empathy works VERY differently for autist and nonautist brains, and communicating across that gap is fraught and complicated. And nonautists have the power to define most everything about mental health. And they decided a long time ago that the miscommunications mean autists have no feelings or compassion. That is incorrect.

Okay. Next up, Christopher Wolfe, autist. This will be a nonexhaustive list of ways he embodies autism, which I thought would come with a reread later this year but my brain wouldn’t let go of until I started writing it!

More to come.

[yuikomorii]

// Either my internet or this app failed me because I saved a draft from an Anon but it disappeared so I'm going to respond it in this manner. The Anon was basically saying that Yui in Ayato's MB route had no development because "she lost all self-respect”, and while I have nothing against people expressing their opinions, having the right to an opinion does not make it correct. Yes, she became desperate for his love, but she realized something crucial in the last chapter that completely changed everything.

Ayato's MB route was surely not the best in the whole franchise, but it showed Yui learning from her mistakes, which made me very proud of her. Normally, heroines are portrayed as too good for anyone, always righteous and admirable, but Yui felt really realistic here because of her imperfections.

When I first went through the route, I couldn't help but feel bad for Yui, however that was because I put myself in her shoes, yet in Ecstasy 10, I realized that it wasn't Ayato who made the biggest mistakes, but Yui.

Let's start with the Dark chapters: in Dark 2, Yui confesses her love to Ayato after drinking a truth serum, implying that she fell for him a long time ago. She says things like, "You're so cute! I want to give you headpats! Your kisses and bites feel amazing... I want more!", which sounds kinda superficial, so it's no surprise Ayato concluded she only used him for looks and pleasure. To summarize, Yui had this idealized image of Ayato in her head, and when you idealize someone, you create a pretend fantasy about who they are, and then you value the fantasy more than the reality, which Yui did. She placed the "perfect" Ayato on a pedestal and completely overlooked his flaws, so when he revealed his flaws, she became depressed and was like:”No, this can’t be… this isn’t the usual Ayato-kun!”.

Now, Ayato was also in the wrong and his extreme trust issues bothered me more than the fact that he kept calling her "prey." That was quite sad at first, but after learning the true motives behind it, it became somewhat reasonable? Humans, after all, are mere prey in the eyes of vampires, as they require their blood to survive, but it's not just that. Ayato has a very low self-esteem, and it is confirmed in MB that he believes no one will ever love him back, which is why he doesn't want to make anyone special. He had to obey Cordelia's orders his entire life in order to make her proud, and he was never allowed to be his true self and do what makes him happy. The fact that Yui only loved his ideal image but screamed/cried when he was struggling with the awakening as Adam process only reinforced his belief that Yui was... nothing special, just like any other girl: someone who only wants pleasure and likes him as long as he doesn't show his bad sides. Of course, Yui isn't that type of girl, but he couldn't have known that at the time.

Returning to Ecstasy 10, it's one of my favorite DL chapters in general because Yui's growth is *chef's kiss*. She realizes Ayato's flaws after being caught by him and having him open up to her; he can be mean, dishonest, and very bad at conveying feelings, but these are the aspects of him that make Ayato... Ayato.

Yui: I was too focused on myself that I failed to realize. All I wanted was to be loved as myself, but… I guess I didn't look at Ayato-kun properly either.

This was the only route where Yui was truly selfish, because she was mostly concerned with her own feelings rather than attempting to understand Ayato's, but to be honest, this makes her even more relatable and human-like. Let's face it: everyone sometimes cares more about their own well-being than others, even if we have good intentions and do it without noticing. The fact that Yui realized her mistake and began paying attention to the real Ayato screams development to me. She even fell more in love with him after he revealed his vulnerable side. This was one of the most genuine moments in DL history because they both had the same goal: to be loved as themselves, and they both achieved it. Yes, their actions were bad, but at least they learned something important.

People seem to forget that Yui is only 17 years old with no previous dating experience. They expect Yui to be the one who teaches the Diaboys about love, despite the fact that she has no idea what love is either. Ayato's MB route actually made her go through this as a teenager, because it taught her how to love and what loving someone means.

In addition, Ayato doesn’t only care about her blood, as the Anon said; even in the official book, after talking about the appearance of the Mukami brothers, it is mentioned this: 「ただのエサとしてではなく、彼女の心を欲するアヤト」 which means “Ayato desires her heart, not just as prey”, and later on it is written how he is unable to speak frankly and tries to hide his sad feelings behind his rough words. He had been crushing on her for almost the entire route, and it wasn't the blood that mattered to him, but Yui as a person.

[haadeswrites]

Elysium

god this fic took forever i’m so sorry!! but hey, first fic on the new blog! <33 also y’all should really thank @iwaasfairy who listened to me complain about this fic for a solid month, she’s the reason it got finished

Cult leader Oikawa Tooru x female reader

tw: indoctrination, extremely dubious consent, blood, yandere themes, religious themes, minor character death, implied abuse & drug use, mild smut, nsfw

The island itself is breathtaking

Pristine beaches with gleaming white sand, vast swathes of lush, green rainforest and waterfalls that cascade into shimmering pools of crystal clear water. Untouched, undisturbed; a paradise. At least, that’s how Ryuji had described it. 

Paradise, but only in the sense that a gingerbread cottage in the middle of the woods is paradise to a lost and hungry child. 

He hadn’t been wrong. Bare feet sink into soft, white sand as you climb from the boat - the warmth just toeing the line between pleasant and burning. Gentle waves ebb and flow behind you, and there’s a light breeze that kisses your skin, the taste of seasalt carrying in the wind. Home, it seems to sing.

A laugh sounds somewhere in the distance, yet the only other figure on the beach is a man walking steadily towards you. He smiles when he sees you’ve noticed him; friendly, non-threatening. It’s a far cry from the swarming welcoming committee you’d been dreading, and you wonder if that’s somehow intentional as well. 

As the boat pushes back out to sea he comes to a stop before you, “I’m Makki,” he says, pushing the fringe of his hair back and giving you a not-so-subtle once over. Whatever he sees must meet approval, because his grin only widens, “Welcome to the Commune.”

Ryuji wasn’t wrong; the island is a beautiful, deadly thing.

—

You’d never heard of the Commune before the phone call. 

And maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. You’ll be the first to admit you’re hardly an expert, but from what you do know, groups like the Commune – cults – don’t spring up out of thin air and start broadcasting their mistreatment and systematic abuse. 

They’re not the kind of people that have sweet old ladies clutching their pearls and mothers shepherding their children away – at least, not in the beginning. Not entirely. They’re not out to recruit extremists to further their cause, they choose to prey on the vulnerable, the lost and the disillusioned. Those easily manipulated. You suspect that’s why when you google the Commune, all you find is a website for what essentially looks like a long term luxury wellness retreat.

‘The Commune is about healing and harmony, about returning to nature, supporting one another to forge a brighter, more holistic future together… a self-sufficient community living apart from technology and other evils of modern society.’ 

You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you scroll through. There’s a whisper of philosophical teachings woven throughout, a page dedicated to their founder, Oikawa Tooru – smiling handsomely in every single picture, because what would a burgeoning cult be without a charismatic leader – but there’s not enough.

So here you are, on an island hundreds of miles away from home living amongst strangers; because Ryuji wouldn’t have sounded so terrified if this was just some alternate, free-loving bunch of hippies.

And even with all that he’d told you, everything you thought you’d be prepared for, the Commune is like nothing you could’ve imagined. 

Makki introduces you to Asuka, a woman only a few years older than yourself, dark haired and stunningly beautiful, and winks as he tells her to take you under her wing. She smiles brightly, eyes twinkling, and pulls you into a heartfelt hug – as if you’ve known each other your whole lives.

“We’re so glad you’re here!” she beams.

You’d like to hate her. 

It feels like you're supposed to, sometimes; when she gets that dreamy look in her eyes and starts talking about Oikawa and the Commune and how lucky everyone here on the island is. Yet there’s something about her – the genuine warmth she emanates maybe, or the kindness in her eyes – that makes it difficult for you not to like her.

“You should come to the gathering tomorrow,” she hums idly one afternoon, maybe a week or so after your arrival. The two of you are sitting on the edge of the pier, legs dangling down into the water, tangled fishing nets to be repaired strewn between you.

“I always go,” you reply.

She laughs, fixing you with a knowing look, “And sit right at the very back, all but running off the moment we finish?” 

And your traitorous heart skips a beat. 

“It’s okay to take things slowly,” she says. “We understand that being a part of the Commune is a big change from the life you knew, and that not everybody is able to see what we see and embrace those changes.” 

Asuka sets down the knot she’s working through and reaches for your hand, a gentle smile on her face, “But you shouldn’t be afraid. You’re meant to be here, I can feel it. You just need to stop fighting against it; surrender yourself to us, to the island, and everything’ll make sense, I promise.”

It’s dangerous territory. One wrong word could set off alarm bells, yet you can’t help pressing just a little.

“Do you ever miss it, then? Life outside the Commune?” 

Your family. Friends. The life you left behind before you came here to be brainwashed like all of the others.

“Why would I?” she answers without missing a beat, and it’s hard to ignore the bitter flicker of disappointment you feel at her answer. “The island provides for us, we don’t have to spend our days selling off tiny pieces of ourselves just to make ends meet. It’s paradise here, and we have Oikawa to thank for that. Why would I ever want to go back?”

Silence falls between you as you struggle to think of something to say to salvage the situation. Yet Asuka isn’t even looking at you, instead staring out at the water with a strangely pensive expression. 

“Did you know I was married once?” The words seemingly out of the blue, you can only shake your head. For a moment, she doesn’t reply, watching as the waves rise and crash offshore. And then;

“I was young, eighteen or so, fresh out of high school and he was a small town cop.” Her eyes flicker to yours, and your heart clenches at the sadness and pain echoing there. “I thought he was a good man, once upon a time.”

A chord strikes deep, your chest tightening involuntarily at her words. It’s not the same, of course it’s not the same, and yet… 

No. You stop the errant thought in its tracks. Groups like the Commune prey on the vulnerable, you know this. People like Ryuji, like Asuka, like–

Her fingers squeeze around yours, pulling you back to the present. “Come to the gathering tomorrow. Listen to Oikawa, it’ll help.”

—

She doesn’t give you a choice in the matter – dragging you by the hand to sit right at the front of the gathered crowd that very night.

Oikawa’s handsomer up close; tall and dark haired with pretty eyes and long, sweeping lashes that frame delicate cheekbones, it’s not hard for you to see how a man like him has amassed such an impassioned following. 

Once he starts actually speaking, however, you realise that his good looks and charming smile are just the tip of the iceberg. Oikawa’s utterly captivating as he preaches about the cycle of life and death and the paradise that awaits his faithful. Passionate and engaging, he speaks like he truly believes every word of the lies he’s spreading. 

And Asuka, her friends, the others gathered, they eat up every word like it’s gospel truth, resounding cheers and thunderous applause deafening around you. In the midst of the rapturous din, Oikawa’s eyes flit to yours.

Slowly, he smiles – a dazzling grin that makes your stomach flip – and everything; Asuka, the noise, the others swarming around you, it all fades away.

For one electrifying heartbeat, you’re frozen in place. Just you and Oikawa, trapped in the pull of each other’s gaze.

—

You can’t forget the reason you came.

But it’s… difficult, in a way you struggle to understand. You only have one purpose for being here, one goal; find Ryuji and bring him home. 

And yet, some days it’s like there’s a fog in your mind, and you have to focus to remember why you’re here at all. You catch yourself laughing with Asuka and her friends, the days passing by in a blur of endless, easy distractions. 

It barely feels like work when you’re sitting under the shade of the trees, eating the fruits you’ve picked by hand – ripe and sweet, unlike anything you’ve ever tasted – diving off waterfalls into the crystalline water and meandering down the shore collecting seashells. Even when you are working, mending clothes or cooking with the others, it fills you with a sense of contentment you can’t quite explain. 

Like you’re a part of something bigger. Like you’re doing something that matters.

Ryuji becomes a distant thought. A whisper in the back of your head, a niggling in your gut, easily brushed aside and ignored until there’s a moment of quiet. In the dead of night, the balmy summer night’s breeze kissing your bare skin, you lie awake, lost in memories of the last time you’d seen him. 

Fists angrily pounding at your door, the yelling that gave way to sobs and the hoarse, desperate pleas that followed. Ryuji’s face; pupils blown wide and eyes rimmed in red, darting restlessly around as he held you too tight and begged–

Rolling over in bed, you gaze out your window at the star flecked sky, the shadows of the forest that lie at your doorstep, and wonder what it is that scares you more; that you’ve lost track of the days you’ve been here, and saving Ryuji is starting to feel like an afterthought, or that you could so easily forget all of it, find a place here in the Commune and be happy.

‘The island, it��it fucks with your head.’

Ryuji’d told you that, and you’d brushed it off as paranoia. You need to find him. Find him and get the hell outta dodge.

You can deal with the fallout later.

—

Kiyoshi. 

He’d mentioned the name a few times amidst his rambling – a friend of his on the island. You’re annoyed with yourself for not thinking of it sooner, however much like Ryuji himself, trying to focus and remember the name is like wading through thick mud.

Once you do, though, finding him amongst the hundred and fifty or so inhabitants is the easy part. 

There’s no strict division between genders within the Commune, however Kyoshi, despite his somewhat lean stature, is among the builders of the island and his path doesn’t often cross with yours. 

From Asuka you find out that he’s been a part of the Commune for years now, before even she joined, and that he mostly sticks to himself, though you’ve seen him chatting quietly to a few of the other men, a perpetually angry looking blonde in particular.

It’s the last part that piques her interest, “Why’re you so curious, anyway?” she asks, her face lighting up as a sudden thought occurs. “Do you want me to introduce you two? To be honest, I didn’t think he’d be your type, if you’re interested, though…”

Cheeks aflame, you’re quick to shut her down. “No, no, nothing like that. I’ve just… seen him around and we’ve never really spoken, I guess.”

A lame excuse, though mercifully she lets the subject drop without too much prodding.

Therein, of course, lies the problem. Walking up to Kyoshi and casually trying to drop Ryuji into the conversation without raising red flags is risky, but what other options do you have? You’ve already spent too much time on this island.

Although, maybe Asuka has the right idea. 

While you hadn’t been lying when you said you weren’t interested in Kyoshi in that way, nobody else knew that. Who would really look twice at the shy newbie striking up a conversation with the quiet, easygoing man? He wasn’t unattractive per se, and from the brief interactions you’d seen of him, he seemed kind enough.

You have enough patience (barely) to wait for dusk the following night. There’s a celebration, something about the full moon and a blessing on the island and the Commune– you hadn’t really been paying attention when Oikawa had spoken about it. Still, it’s too good an opportunity to pass up. With the fire pits crackling, and the dancing and music and the sweet honey wine flowing freely, nobody will be paying too much attention to what you’ll be doing. Hopefully, the alcohol will also serve to lower Kiyoshi’s guard, and perhaps if you’re really, really lucky, loosen his tongue as well. 

Of course, you’re not banking on him telling you exactly where Ryu is or what happened to him– and that’s assuming he actually knows – but at this point you’ll take anything over the nothing you currently have. A tiny slip up, that’s all you’re asking for. 

As the sun descends beyond the horizon, you play your role well, laughing and chatting amongst friends, sipping carefully at the cup of wine in your hand as you wait for an opening. And perhaps it’s your nerves working against you, but you find that it’s not just Kiyoshi your attention is drawn to. 

Up on the shore, away from the rabble, Oikawa lounges back with a cup of the same honeyed wine you’re pretending to drink. For the most part he seems deep in conversation with Iwaizumi, his right hand, but every once in a while he glances up, letting his gaze roam over the crowd of his followers.

Every inch a king and his general.

And it would seem benevolent, if not for the strange smile he wears – the one that widens when his eyes catch yours.

Swallowing tightly, you force yourself not to dwell on it, to ignore the odd sensation curling in your gut and the way your skin prickles under his attention. Now is not the time to lose focus.

Pushing all thoughts of Oikawa aside, you subtly scan the beach once more, only to find that Kiyoshi’s moved, sitting now on a piece of old driftwood near the bonfire. Alone for the first time tonight. 

Your legs are moving before the thought even fully registers. 

“Do you mind if I sit?” you ask, gesturing to the empty space on the log beside him. 

Kiyoshi smiles, the laugh lines at corners of his eyes crinkling pleasantly, and shakes his head, “Not at all.”

“Thanks.”

Taking another sip of your wine, you will your shoulders to relax, your racing pulse to slow. This has to seem natural, and so you force yourself to hold your tongue, let your head loll back and breathe deep, soaking it all in. You can hear the others in the distance, the music and the dancing, the happy laughter and shouts that beckon – you want to go join them. Even your blood seems to hum, a call of something other pulsing through your veins.

But you pay it no mind. There are more important things to worry about tonight. 

Indeed, steel blue eyes have been appraising you curiously for a while now. “This is your first Lunar blessing, isn’t it?” Kiyoshi asks after a moment.

You nod, humming in agreement. Less than a month; you’ve been here less than a month. Is that a good thing?

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

A harmless enough question, and again you nod your head. “Yeah, it’s…” you pause, searching for words that won’t sound hollow. “It’s paradise. I feel like I need to pinch myself just to make sure it’s real.”

He smiles gently. “But?” he probes.

Grimly, you wonder whether Kiyoshi’s usually this perceptive, or if you’re just a really terrible actor. In a way, you suppose it really doesn’t make a difference; you’ve come too far to turn back now – at least not without raising suspicion. 

So you lie with a truth, and pray that it works.

“I had a friend I was supposed to meet here,” you confess quietly, gazing not at him but the crackling flames of the bonfire, the burning embers carried off into the night. “He was the one who said I should come, but now I’m here and he’s not and every time I catch myself enjoying this–”

“You feel guilty,” he surmises, cutting you off. “Because he’s not here to enjoy it with you.”

Wordlessly, you nod – and maybe it isn’t so much of an act when your eyes begin to glisten, your smile wavering. 

Kiyoshi’s silent for a moment, and you take another sip of the honey wine to hide your nerves. “You shouldn’t, you know,” he says eventually. “Feel guilty, I mean. You belong here, with the Commune. You’re happy here. Paradise… isn’t for everybody.”

He doesn’t say it to be cruel, more like he’s simply stating a fact, and somehow that makes it all the more unnerving. And it’s nothing you haven’t listened to Oikawa preach about time and time again. The Commune is for the devoted, the faithful – the lucky few – and you’ve never thought too hard about what he’d meant by that.

The Commune’s small, maybe a hundred and fifty or so people on the island. There’d been no initiation, no test of faith or trial period you’d had to pass when you arrived – at least, none that you’d been aware of. You simply stepped off the boat and they’d welcomed you with open arms. 

An uneasy sensation settles into your gut, goosebumps prickling at your skin despite the heat of the midsummer night. 

That… doesn’t make sense. It can’t. Absolute control’s too important in groups like this, they couldn’t just let anyone–

Kiyoshi speaks again, his calm voice pulling you from your thoughts. “What was his name?” 

You blink at him slowly – stupidly. “Sorry?”

“Your friend,” he clarifies. “What was his name?”

“Oh, um- Ryuji.”

Kiyoshi’s brow furrows in thought for a moment, but he merely shakes his head, “Doesn’t ring a bell, but like I said, not everyone who arrives stays with us for long.”

He looks you right in the eye as he says it.

You don’t understand the cold, foreboding that seeps through your veins, because he’s lying. He has to be. 

Ryuji was here. They were friends, Ryu’d told you that–

Why did you think this stupid plan would work anyway? That he’d tell you anything, much less the truth when this whole fucked up island is full of liars and those too indoctrinated to know the difference?

“You alright?” he asks when abruptly, you shoot to your feet beside him.

And it takes every ounce of willpower you have left to force an easy smile to your lips, raising your cup just a fraction, “Yeah, just gonna go get a refill. Thanks for the talk, Kiyoshi.”

Whether he notices that your wine’s barely touched or not, you don’t care – not as you turn on your heel without another word and head back up the beach. 

Your head is pounding, your body trembling – you don’t hear the call of your name until a hand reaches out and grasps at your wrist, spinning you around.

Asuka greets you with a wide grin, Makki and a tall, broad shouldered man you think is called Mattsun standing either side of her – the former’s arm slung casually over her shoulder. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you,” she says. “Come on, we’re gonna go swimming, it’s so pretty out there!”

You glance out towards the ocean. Moonlight bathes the inky blue water, light shimmering off the rippling tide; some of the others are already out there, splashing amongst the waves. 

“Clothing optional, of course,” Makki laughs, and Asuka tugs on your wrist once more. 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

But you shake your head, slowly pulling your hand from her grip, “I’m not feeling great, I think I’m gonna head back.”

Asuka frowns, concern marring her pretty features. “Are you okay? Do you need us to call Mizo–”

“No,” you say, cutting her off. Healer Mizoguchi is the last person you need to see right now. “I just��� I just need to go lie down for a bit. You guys go have fun – enjoy the blessing, I’ll be fine.”

Makki and Asuka share a fleeting look, but it’s Mattsun who interjects before either one of them can speak, “I’ll walk you back, then.”

Your stomach churns. It doesn’t sound like a suggestion.

And the smart thing to do would be to accept his help; the walk from the beach to your villa isn’t far, and while you’re not as familiar with Mattsun as you are with Makki or Asuka, it’s not like he’s going to hurt you or anything, but–

“Really– you don’t need to, it’s fine,” you smile weakly, shuffling back as he reaches to offer you his arm. “Go swim, I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Mattsun shrugs easily enough, falling back into line with the other two – yet there’s something in the way he grins and holds your gaze for a beat longer. A glimmer of amusement, as if there’s some joke you're not a part of. “I’ll hold you to it, sweetheart.”

The heat that floods your cheeks clashes uncomfortably with the cloying heaviness in your stomach, but somehow you manage to stutter out one last goodbye before turning back to scamper off in the direction of your room.

–But not to lie down.

There’s not a cloud in the sky, and the full moon’s bright. No need for a torch, not unless you decide to venture into the heart of the forest.

You’ve been a fool. Kiyoshi, Asuka, Makki, Mattsun; you can’t trust any of them to help you, even unwittingly. Ryuji’s here on the island – somewhere – and every second that slips away, every second that you allow yourself to forget puts him in further danger.

And so you cling to your discomfort, ground yourself in it. The prickling sensation at the back of your neck, the tightness in your chest as you slip past your villa, keeping low and quiet – they’re a reminder that there is something insidious here on the island, that you have to get out.

You and Ryuji.

He’s here. Away from the others, kept under lock and key as punishment, or maybe being forced to undergo whatever kind of glorified brainwashing they’ve got going on, but here. You need to be smart about this, because while you don’t intend to stop until you find him, tonight will be your best shot – while everyone’s distracted down on the beach. 

For the first time in a long time, it feels like you have a clear head. 

Creeping through the underbrush, you steer clear of the well trod pathways that lead towards habitation. You’ve been there, and to the docks, and the river. 

If they’re still keeping him here (and they are, you refuse to entertain the possibility that it could be otherwise) then it’s not somewhere out in the open. A bird cries out in the distance shattering the calm of the night, and you flinch – but it only serves as another reminder that your time tonight is limited; you cannot afford to delay. You wrack your brain, trying to dredge up memories of the last few weeks, surely you must have seen something–

“Lost?”

The single word, spoken in a deep, gruff voice has your blood running cold.

Slowly, you turn. 

Iwa stands behind you in the thicket, his face utterly impassive. Briefly, you contemplate whether it’s worth trying to bluff your way out of this, but Iwa’s eyes narrow, flashing in the dim light and you think better of it.

A sigh escapes you, your shoulders deflating. “Where is he– Ryuji?” you ask; a whisper rather than a demand.

Iwa’s expression gives nothing away. Did he know, or have you handed him the smoking gun of a crime that’d fallen through the cracks? Does it even matter anymore? You’re just–

You’re tired. 

Exhausted. In the space of a few moments all of that shining determination and resolve; it fled, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. This has to end, you can’t keep fighting against them forever. You can’t keep drowning in this guilt, feeling torn every second that you spend here on this stupid island. You just want to find Ryuji and go home.

… Right?

A tense beat passes as Iwa appraises you, and then; “Come with me.”

The hand he places on your shoulder doesn’t give you much choice. His grip isn’t what you’d describe as gentle, yet he’s careful enough to make sure you don’t trip or stumble as he marches you north. 

In the thick of the forest away from the beach, it’s eerily quiet. Every twig that snaps underfoot, every ragged breath you draw; it feels too loud. Out of place amongst the stillness of the midsummer night. 

And isn’t it ironic, that for the first time since you set foot in this paradise, you feel like you’re trespassing?

A bead of sweat trickles down from your temple and your mind unwittingly drifts back to Mattsun and Makki. Are they still swimming with Asuka? Probably, you reason. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how long it’s been since you left them on the beach, but surely no more than an hour.

And strangely, like water drawn from the depths of a well, an image comes to mind; the four of you standing in the waves, you perched atop Mattsun’s shoulders, screaming and giggling in delight as Asuka tries to knock you down again, two sets of eyes watching from the shore… 

You should have stayed on the beach.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“You can ask,” he replies drily – humouring you, you suppose.

Your lips quirk upwards for the briefest of moments. “What happens on the Lunar blessing? Asuka, the others– no one told me what it was.” 

Iwaizumi doesn’t answer you immediately, but you feel his fingers reflexively tighten on your shoulder. Likely it wasn’t the question he was expecting; surely there were others that you could have asked – but you don’t really want the answers to those.

If you’re being led like a lamb to proverbial slaughter, what good would it do you to know it? 

And yet as the seconds pass and no answer seems forthcoming from your captor, you resign yourself to the fact that your curiosity will remain unsated. You don’t even know what prompted you to ask in the first place; knowing Oikawa it’s probably some grand, meaningless spectacle. Pretty, hollow words spoken only to–

A heavy sigh draws you from your thoughts, and you falter in your step, almost tripping over your own feet in the process. Iwa’s quick to right you, urging you forward with a less than gentle nudge. “Walk straight,” he grunts, yet it lacks any true heat. Anticipation flutters through your veins, and he mutters a soft curse behind you. “Fine. It… it’s an exchange.” 

An exchange? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Your eyebrows draw together, mouth opening to press the matter, but Iwa beats you to the punch.

“You’ll find out for yourself soon enough, now shut up.”

You have no response to that, so you do.

—

The two of you walk in silence for what feels like hours. Eventually, the terrain becomes steeper, the worn path you’re treading twisting and winding, and you realise you must be close to the mountains at the heart of the island. 

As your breath comes in heavy pants, your legs beginning to ache, you can’t help but be lost in the beauty of it all.

The flora’s different here, unlike any you’ve seen before. Flowers bursting from the bark of towering trees, blooms of vibrant hues; reds and purples and soft, baby pinks. Even the vines at your feet curl amongst pretty white buds that gleam invitingly under the moonlight. Your jaw falls open as you gaze around in wonderment. 

You forget why you’re walking, where it is that you’re heading. Iwa’s grip relaxes as a quiet gasp escapes you, and he doesn’t stop you when you stray from the path to take a closer look. You can’t resist reaching out to touch the silken petals, leaning in to smell their perfume. Soft and light and sweet, your eyes flutter shut, a smile creeping across your visage. 

It reminds you of home. Not your actual home – the rundown, tiny shoebox apartment you gave up before you came here – but something deeper.

Home, like the long summer days spent playing in your parents’ backyard. Home, like afternoons curled up by the window, watching the rain come down in sheets outside. 

Home, like the comfort of arms wrapped around you; two hearts beating in sync.

“C’mon,” Iwa interrupts after a minute or so, his voice a touch less gruff. “We’re almost there.”

Dazed, you find yourself nodding, allowing him to guide you back to the path. This time, he doesn’t grab you by the shoulder, seemingly content enough to walk by your side. 

True to his word, it’s only another few minutes before you see it; a wooden villa, four times the size of your own and far, far grander, set amongst a clearing of trees on the mountainside. Confused, your eyes flicker from the villa to Iwa and back again. Gossamer curtains billow lightly in the breeze, a warm, inviting glow spilling from the open windows. Surely this cannot be where he meant to lead you… and yet he merely stands at your side, arms folded across his broad chest, watching you expectantly. 

“You gonna make me carry you up there?” he asks, not unkindly.

Swallowing tightly, you shake your head. 

Another glance, and you catch a shadow lingering by the window. Your heart skips a beat, apprehension curling in your gut as you begin to walk, every step feels less steady than the last. You’re almost glad when Iwa takes you by the arm; if only so that you have something to focus on other than the growing tightness in your chest. The villa, with its pretty flowers and airy, elegant grandeur is far from the isolated cell you’d been afraid of, yet the uncertainty of what you’re walking into eats at you all the same.

Is this where they’ve been keeping Ryu, or has he brought you here for another reason?

Nothing, however, can prepare you for what you find inside. Warm light emanates from lanterns that bathe the room, and your eyes widen as you stare around you.

Strange, gold carvings inlaid with mother of pearl decorate the thick, woodens support beams, a pot of incense burns on a table overflowing with fresh fruit. There’s a jug of the same honeyed wine you’d drank earlier in the night and two cups set on an ornate stand nearby – just within arms reach of one of the chaise lounges.

Iwa affords you little time to gape, drawing you further in. Silken tapestries hang from the walls – you’re pulled along too quickly to truly take note, but the brief glimpses you get hint at a story; a divine being cast from his home, lost and wandering.

It tugs at something buried within you, and uncomfortable, you tear your eyes away.

The two of you reach a closed door at the end of the hall, and Iwa pulls you to a stop, knocking once.

“Come,” a familiar voice calls.

You stiffen, though perhaps you should have foreseen this outcome. Who else would Iwa bring you to but to him? Distantly, you register his grip relaxing, the sound of the door sweeping open and his voice at your ear.

“Go on.”

And it’s funny, you think, how two halves of yourself can be so at odds with each other. Because while your stomach twists itself into knots, goosebumps prickling at your skin, your legs stumble forward of their own accord.

Two steps forward, and your breath catches in your throat.

It’s a bedroom, that much you can deduce from the decor, but that’s not what captures your attention. Nor is it Oikawa, leaning against the bureau with a genial smile – at least not at first. 

No. In place of a back wall, there’s open space, not so much as a panel of glass obstructing the view before you. And what a view it is; from this height you can see the sprawling forest below, the coastline dotted with bonfires and the moonlit ocean shimmering beyond. Where the floorboards end, there are steps, you realise as you unwittingly inch closer, leading to a cascading spring – likely fed from the waterfall you can hear rushing nearby.

How easy it would be to brush aside your worries, you think, to shed your clothes, slip into the cool, calm water and lose yourself entirely. Even amongst all you’ve seen and experienced on the island so far, this is incomparable. 

“Stunning, isn’t it?” Oikawa murmurs, coming up behind you.

His voice startles you, yet when you turn, you find him not gazing out at the scenery but rather at you, that same strange, knowing smile curling at his lips.

“Some days, I admit, it’s hard to tear myself away,” he continues, unbothered by your stunned silence. “But even I can’t neglect my duties for too long.”

You swallow, tongue darting out to wet your lips. Confusion twists through you at the conversational tone, surely he hasn’t brought you here just to chat about the impressive views, yet there’s no hint of disapproval on his face, no indication that he’s anything less than pleased with you.

It’s unnerving to say the least, but you’ll play along with his game if that’s what Oikawa wants.

“Beautiful,” you say, though the words feel woefully inadequate even as you speak them.

He hums in agreement, something akin to pride flickers in his eyes at your assessment, “A labour of love, I suppose. But… everything you see here, everything I’ve built, it comes with a price. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I-I’m sorry?” you stutter.

“Paradise,” he elaborates, his smile widening. “There’s no give without take. Those people down there,” he nods down at the beach, the tiny, ant-like figures still milling about, “the lost, the beaten, the abused – I gave them what they so desperately sought; a sanctuary. A life without struggle, without suffering.” He pauses for a moment, reaching forward to take your hand. You almost flinch, almost skitter across the room to put as much distance between you as you can, but you don’t–

His palm is warm as it envelops yours, a pleasant heat that seems to spread through your veins, easing your tense muscles. There’s nothing to fear from him, you’re safe with Oikawa.

“Aren’t you happy here?”

Yes.

“What about the price?” you ask instead, though it takes more concentration than it should to force the words out. 

Oikawa’s thumb sweeps along the back of your hand. “I never said it was your price to pay,” he soothes. 

There’s something wrong with that sentence, but another sharp knock at the door draws your attention before you can think too hard about it. You turn out of instinct, barely aware of the way his hand tightens fractionally around your own.  

A single finger at your jaw coaxes your attention back to him. “If you built a paradise, wouldn’t you give whatever necessary to ensure it flourished?”

Oikawa stares at you expectantly, deep brown eyes searching your face as he waits for an answer. Agreement would be the logical choice – the one he seems to want from you – but even as your lips part, the only sound that escapes is a breathless, confused noise. 

When you were a kid, maybe six or seven, your parents took you to the beach one day and you waded too far out into the water. The waves were bigger than you expected; all it took was one mistimed jump and you were dragged under.

It wasn’t for long, probably only seconds, and ultimately you were fine – but you remember those few seconds so vividly. The feeling of helplessly tumbling through the water, fighting to break the surface but not knowing which way was up. Your lungs crying out for oxygen, the disorientation and dizziness, the panic.

It feels like that now – like the floor’s dropped out from beneath you and you’re just hurtling through empty air, desperately trying to slow yourself down with nothing to grab onto.

None of this makes any sense. Your emotions are shot to pieces, too many parts of yourself being pulled in different directions and you’re not sure which ones you can trust anymore. How can you be? Oikawa’s still holding your hand, smiling at you, and you just want everything to stop for a second so you can right yourself and breathe–

The door opens.

Iwaizumi appears in your field of vision, dragging a bound, hooded figure behind him. And because this is all some big, cosmic joke, you get your wish. Both of them, actually. 

Time slows. 

Even with a burlap sack pulled over his head, you recognise the man Iwa shoves to the floor and sneers at. 

Hundreds of miles, weeks of uselessly traipsing around this fucking island, and finally– 

Finally, you’ve found Ryu.

There should be relief. Fear, considering his current state, yes, but Ryuji’s here and he’s alive and as the hood is ripped off his head Oikawa squeezes your hand and the only thing you feel is… anger.

Not a heated flash that surges through your blood. It’s slow and seething, insipid. You look at him, locked in place as empty, pleading eyes meet yours and all you can think is that all of this – everything – is his fault.

“Asuka told you why she came to me, didn’t she?” Oikawa asks.

Your brow furrows, why–why is he asking you that now, how did he even–

He slips closer behind you, letting your hand go in favour of your shoulder, his spare dragging lightly along the bare skin of your arm. “She was lost, in so much pain. The physical wounds, they heal after a while,” his voice is right in your ear, a low murmur that sends a shiver rippling down your spine.

It isn’t an unpleasant feeling.

“But the scars inside, well… sometimes those fester.”

Gagged and bound, kneeling at your feet, Ryu doesn’t even try to make a sound. 

He’s thinner than you remember. Face gaunt and bruised; there’s a half healed, mottled yellow one painted across the left side of his jaw, one eye purple and swollen. You glance at Iwa, standing stoically behind him, muscular arms folded across his chest. His work, you wonder, or others as well? You notice the tear tracks running down his face, catching the light of the lanterns, but it’s as if you’re seeing it all through a thick pane of glass. None of it reaches you, there’s nothing but that simmering, ugly feeling in your gut.

Oikawa hums, “I told you that Paradise wasn’t for everyone. It’s a haven, yes, but there are those who simply… don’t belong.”

His body’s so warm, pressed up against yours. Fingertips graze along your side, and this time you don’t bother biting back that tiny, breathless moan. Iwa briefly smirks at it, but there’s no embarrassment. Why should there be? Your eyes flit back to Ryu, bowed on the wooden floor.

Another memory resurfaces; A sharp crack and a ringing in your ears, Ryuji, eyes bloodshot and glazed, falling to his knees, clutching frantically at the leg of your pants as endless apologies spill from his lips. 

It wasn’t him. It was never him. 

“He hurt you,” Oikawa purrs. “He kept hurting you, I saw it.”

The words wash over you like waves breaking on the shore, but you find yourself nodding anyway. It was the truth, wasn’t it? A thousand tiny hurts, piled up on one another until you finally broke.

And you’d still come when he’d called.

Listened to him when he’d begged you not to hang up the phone.

“Iwa.” 

The brunet moves towards a grand chest of drawers pushed up against the western wall. An ornate dagger sits atop, strange and beautiful; the blade isn’t steel or any metal you’ve seen before, but some kind of black stone, the handle intricately carved ivory. You hadn’t even noticed it before, Oikawa’s room filled to the brim with odd trinkets and treasures, but now that you have, it’s hard to tear your eyes away.

Iwa takes it and carries it over towards the two of you, holding it with the utmost care. 

“Obsidian,” Oikawa informs you as he accepts the blade from his friend, bringing it in front of you both to show it off. “Pretty, isn’t it?” And while you can’t see his face, you can hear the smile in his tone.

He isn’t wrong though. 

Ever so carefully you reach out, the soft pads of your fingertips running along the obsidian surface, surprisingly cool to the touch. The razor sharp edges – wavy and asymmetrical, leading to a tapered point – you’re careful to avoid, almost positive you’d draw blood with the slightest touch. 

“Take it,” he urges, his breath ghosting over the shell of your ear. 

Obediently, you turn your hand over, your fingers wrapping around the hilt when he presses it against your palm. And as long fingers curl around yours, you idly wonder how old the dagger is – there’s not so much as a scratch on it, yet there’s something about the weapon in your hand that feels ancient. It thrums under your combined touch.

Oikawa jerks his chin at Iwa, and with a short nod and one last, lingering glance cast your way, the latter exits once again. 

Leaving you and Oikawa alone with Ryuji.

“It’s almost time,” he remarks – though time for what, you’re not entirely sure. His lips press against your hair, his arm dropping from your shoulder to your waist, drawing you flush against him. “I know why you came to me, the lies that led you here.”

Both of you turn your attention back to Ryuji at that, the bound man now shaking with the force of his muffled sobs, snot dripping from his nose. That bitter resentment rears its ugly head again, soothed only by Oikawa’s pacifying hum, his thumb now rubbing slow circles at your side. “Shh, I’m not angry – none of that matters now. You’ve found a home here, no? You want to stay on the island with me.”

You swallow, nodding your head rapidly. The thought of having to leave now, of being forced out after everything you’ve seen and felt and experienced here, you– you can’t fathom it. You don’t want to. 

Ryuji’d wrought so much damage, but even before he’d swept through your life… had you ever been happy? Were you ever truly accepted – or loved, for that matter?

You can’t go back to that life. You won’t; he’ll have to drag you kicking and screaming from the shore. The Commune is your home, this is where you belong. Here, with Oikawa.

“Good girl,” he croons, another kiss pressed to the crown of your head. You beam at the praise and Ryuji crumples a little further. “Death begets life, you understand now, don’t you?”

You glance at the obsidian dagger in your hand and then at Ryu, beaten and bruised, bowed in forced supplication before you, and nod.

His fingers tighten around yours, “Then do it.”

Leaning forward, you reach for Ryu, fingers lightly trailing down his ruined cheek, curling at his chin to coax his head upwards. He squeezes his eyes shut, pain and regret etched over every inch of his face, but he doesn’t fight you. 

Baring his throat to your dagger, Ryuji’s pleas take the shape of your name.

Muffled, thanks to the gag, but unmistakable. And for one single moment, you falter. 

This… this is wrong; for all his faults, and god knows there were plenty, Ryu didn’t des–

A wave of calm washes over you, allaying your fears, your doubts. Your breath leaves you in a heavy gust, taking with it the tension in your shoulders, and Oikawa’s voice, smooth and honeyed, reaches your ears once more, “Nothing comes without a price, doesn’t he deserve to be the one to pay it?”

With your hand still tucked inside of his, your arm moves with a will of its own; slashing with inhuman grace.

The dagger cuts deep, Ryuji’s eyes snapping open in shock as a spray of warm blood hits you both. He chokes – a horrid, wet, gurgling sound – wide, pleading eyes frantically shifting between you and Oikawa. Every beat of his failing heart sends fresh blood spurting from the gaping wound. It drenches his front, splatters across your dress, your face, crimson pooling at the wooden floorboards at his knees. His mouth falls open and shut, trying and failing to form coherent sounds and you just stand there and watch, the dagger hanging limply at your side.

It doesn’t take long; seconds at the most. 

Ryuji’s slumps to the floor, his body finally growing still as the light fades from his eyes. There’s a beat of absolute silence, and then–

Oikawa shudders behind you, a strangled, drawn out moan leaving his lips. You try to turn, but his arms lock around you, every muscle tensing, his back arching. The dagger in your hand grows hot, burning the soft skin of your palm, but with his fingers still tightly entwined with yours you can only whimper and endure it.

With a hoarse, guttural roar, a pulse of pure energy surges through the room like a shockwave. Every cell in your body lights up, electrified, buzzing; a dizzying euphoria unlike any you’ve felt before coursing through your blood. 

Across the island, voices cry out in delight, a symphony of life. The trees tremble and shake, invigorated and renewed, fresh buds bursting from the forest floor, blooming under the light of the full moon.

The harvests flourish, even the river swells in response to the call.

Death begets life, just as he promised.

And with every inch of your body alight and singing with pleasure, you can barely think much less protest (and why would you want to?) as Oikawa roughly yanks you around, hungry lips crashing against your own as his fingers pull and tear at your bloodstained dress. He wastes no time with foreplay, and you suspect only begrudgingly takes a moment to hoist you up against him and carry you to his bed.

There’s nothing gentle about the way he hauls your hips to his, sheathing his cock inside of your warm, tight cunt with one savage thrust, but you don’t care.

Not as you cling to him, fingernails raking along his shoulders as he presses your thighs further apart so he can fuck you deeper. It’s hard and rough and brutal, yet you moan for him all the same, his name a prayer swallowed up by feverish, claiming kisses.

Tonight, bathed in blood and the soft glow of moonlight, you offer your god everything.

—

“Look, look!” 

A small hand tugs at your skirt, and you glance down to find a little girl with pretty, dark curls holding up a crown of woven flowers.

“Do you like it?” she asks. 

Carefully, you take it from her, bringing it closer to examine. She watches you intently as you study it, lifting it this way and that to appraise her work, humming thoughtfully for good measure. “I think it’s beautiful work,” you tell her after a long enough pause, and you can’t help but smile at the way she lights up, preening under your praise. “Why don’t you go show your mama? I’m sure she’ll be very impressed.”

The girl nods rapidly, thanking you before skipping off in the direction of her parents. The sun’s hanging low in the sky, the fires already being readied for the night ahead. You’re not unaware of the watchful gaze that carefully monitors your every move, and the moves of anyone who ventures too close by. Soon enough, you’ll return home to the heart of the island – anticipation fluttering in your belly at the thought of what awaits you – but for now, you let your feet sink further into the sand, closing your eyes as you bask in the lingering warmth of the setting sun.

At least until the sound of your name being called draws you back to the present. Yet it’s not Iwaizumi approaching, but rather Makki, two strangers trailing along behind him. 

“Thought I’d find you here,” he grins, throwing a casual arm over your shoulders. “This is Kaneo,” he gestures to the man, “and his wife Manaka. They arrived this morning, I’ve been showing ‘em round.”

You turn to the couple, smiling sweetly as you extend a hand, “Welcome to the Commune.”

[majormeilani]

Hello, I was wondering, if you could give me some pointers on how to write DJ Grooves. I always think that his personality is kinda bland in my fics, and I really like him in yours.

PS: I hope cold has passed and you're feeling better :)

aww thank you!! i'm doing a bit better now but still trying to recover 😔😔

but i'll try to give some tips on how i try to write him ? or like things i keep in mind when portraying him in different situations? hopefully these can help a lil hxjcjjgjc

- when i write grooves, i often think about how he would think about the world around him and the perspective he would hold towards certain things. for example, when talking about his moon penguins in relation to him, i know that i describe them in a very affectionate or loving way. same with the kids because i like to think despite everything he likes the kids a lot.

- one thing i also like to keep in mind is that grooves is not a perfect person or always as kind and loving as he let's on. like of the ahit characters who are antagonists, i do personally believe him to be the most genuine and good in nature but also has negative traits to him. like, often lying to others about his true feelings or intentions to save face and such. and he can be rather selfish at times and thinks with his heart rather than his head. i also think he has a hard time putting aside his pride and apologizing when he makes a big mistake. i like to think he often has good intentions with his actions but gets caught up in going about things the wrong way, especially when it's for something he really wants.

- this is just a personal thing too but i definitely view a lot of what he'd gone through in his struggle as a "second rate" director as playing a factor in his behavior sometimes. i think he probably often feels like he's owed something for trying so hard and getting nowhere almost everytime and that can sometimes carry over into things that aren't related.

- i also believe he had a tough upbringing that makes a lot of his choices be framed in a kinda way of keeping himself from getting hurt, though sometimes he ends up hurting others too, even when he tries his hardest not to or goes through the effort to minimize any possible fallout for anyone else.

- i do think he definitely is very nice in a genuine way and tries to be patient with others but i do think sometimes he will hold grudges too and may get back at others in petty ways. sometimes i think he's one to prank others or mildly inconvenience them a little bit.

- when portraying conductor and grooves' relationship, i have them kinda on a certain wavelength. like, of course i still have them bicker and fight on occasion or argue about things, but i also have them capable of joking around and bantering with each other sometimes too in like a silly way. people often think that they just have a seething hatred for each other and nothing more but i do think there's some mutual understanding they have, especially bc they both want the same goal.

- they also i think can have genuine conversations with each other but those conversations are often left with a lot of awkward pauses and silences and they don't often open up to each other very easily. when they do though it's often something that they kinda ease their ways slowly into with tough conversations and they have to like, put aside their differences and let their guards down a little to get through.

- i also think when it comes to portraying them, i think the two have some admiration for each other they would never outright admit tbh. like, grooves somewhat admires how conductor is able to succeed all the time at everything he does and conductor somewhat admires dj grooves' strong will and determination to keep fighting. there's other things i think they admire in each other too but that's just an example. but again that's another personal take i have about their characters hdhdhshshd

- when describing some of grooves' attitude i think he also has a bit of diva behavior sometimes. like minor inconveniences can annoy him a lot, like a spill on his jacket or his feathers or hair being in a bit of disorder or a scratch on his shoes. breaking a claw can also be a big deal for him LOL….

- i also describe some of his behavior having a bit of an extra "flourish" to it. like grandiose gestures when he's speaking or emphasizing things in a particular way with the words that he uses. in canon he also writes in cursive so i describe his handwriting in a way that makes him seem fancy and refined. just making sure his big personality shines through in a story is something i find of importance in the way i portray him. sometimes describing how he leaves a scene helps me too, like glitter or paint splats on the floor or stray props or something like that can really show how even when he isn't present, his personality still lingers.

- it's also a good idea to read up on equipment that goes into technical stuff about being a director or a dj/club owner as that sometimes helps me in situations where i write about him doing things with his occupations, helps me with conductor too

- think when he's being affectionate and loving, he can tend to gush and fawn and dote over someone or something. i just think he's one to be rather over the top when being affectionate to really show that he loves or cares a lot about something.

- when he gets angry or upset, i often have him try to calm himself by self soothing means, like grinding his beak, holding himself/crossing his arms, fidgeting his hands or running through breathing exercises, maybe even preening his feathers too. i feel like that's what he does in order to try and hold his composure and keep things together, approaching his feelings different than the conductor does, who doesn't do anything like that to calm himself and often resorts immediately to anger before later confronting his true feelings about something by himself.

- sometimes i will include headcanons i have about his character in stories if i feel they are necessary or relevant to a scene ? though i often try to stick to canon as much as possible but if it's something that i feel obliged to share or i want to i often go for it anyway ndjdbdids

- when writing him with other characters he hasn't interacted directly within canon, i consider how he might interact with them and the relationship they might have and shape scenes in a story around that. for instance, i think him and cooking cat would get along so of course any interaction between the two would most likely be positive rather than negative (though if the situation called for it, negative interactions can happen too but are more likely to be resolved since they get along imo)

- another thing that ig kinda helps me is analyzing his character in the game and drawing conclusions from the way he's presented there. sometimes even replaying the levels multiple times and studying certain things about his character are things that help me in nailing how i want to portray him in a story.

i'm sure there's some other stuff i'm forgetting so i may have to add some stuff later as i see fit but hopefully this helps a little bit? though feel free to ask for anything specific you might need help with and i'll be more than happy to share my perspective on how i portray him.

thank you so much for enjoying my portrayal of him though it makes me feel like my hardwork really pays off jsbsjsbsj

[unboundpower]

This was…very troubling, indeed. Zamasu was initially at a loss for words, struggling to both make sense of her claims and find an appropriate way to address them. The sight of her tears brought him further pause. He was not good at this sort of thing, never having needed to console someone before. Or maybe, he has once. Centuries ago, where he lived amongst his kin as a purehearted entity. Though he was never all that close to his brethren, since the massive age gaps possessed no bridges to close them. It didn't help that he was born in an era where there were no other Kai which matured from the Kaiju…

He was especially dumbfounded by her claims of failing him, and making things worse. Especially…it was her fault his life was ruined?

None of that made any sense.

❝ Ninazu…be reasonable. ❞ Zamasu began, tone contemplative and steady - aside from the underlaying confusion. ❝ How could you possibly take any blame for my imprisonment? It was my actions that lead to this. To you and the others confronting me. ❞

His actions lead to more than just that. Being forced to stay here, without his power or any means of leaving the planet, has given him plenty of time to finally THINK about everything. To confront his thoughts and feelings, to think back to when the start of his change into what he became could've happened. He could still vividly remember his time as Universe 10's North Kai. He could remember observing mortals with such keen awe and interest, invested in the growth of civilizations across many planets. He had loved mortals, genuinely.

When did that stop? What made that stop? And, his old master Gowasu…when did their relationship sour so horribly? Zamasu knew these events occurred, but it was as if time made them all blur into an indecipherable mess he couldn't comprehend. Just what had he been doing for all this time, pursuing a goal he thought was righteous? He had only cared about casting away the corrupted so planets could be born anew, free from strife and pain. When did he lose sight of that? Did he never truly see it in the first place?

❝ Your compassion is the reason why the Omni King spared my life, and has given me the opportunity to learn from my past sins. ❞ He didn't let the storm within his head bring silence to his voice. Snow white bangs swayed as his head dipped down. Learn from his sins…half of him wanted to believe they weren't true sins, his intentions were just and for the good of life as a concept itself, but the other half that recalled the lessons he was taught since his birth, to cherish any and all lifeforms…it thought otherwise.

❝ The others…choosing to protect me must seem like a foolish decision. It did to me, that day. But now, I cannot…I cannot find it within myself to hate you. I cannot see a justification for it. ❞

Out of all of the things he was having so much difficulty in understanding, that particular detail came to him easily.

@unboundpower / continued.

She should have locked the damn door. The temptation rises to say nothing, to sweep everything under the rug and merely pass it off as a bout of stress from some nondisclosed source; school, work, relationships. Anything would work. But the likelihood of getting away with that is low, especially when he's caught her in the act of dispelling the pent up emotion she's withheld for so long. No, she can't worm her way out of this one with frail lies that have no legs to stand on. (She curses her inability to pull it together before he came home, putting her in this predicament.)

Her lips part to speak, but she could produce no words. Every glance she garners of his face reopens the wounds, deepens the gash and makes the pain impossible to soothe.

❝I'm sorry,❞ she repeats, less hindered but still strained with a tremble. ❝I didn't… want you to see me like this. I…❞ She can't tell him to ignore it. Especially now, he wouldn't abide. Every breath becomes a little heavier, a little shakier, harder to control, and she's losing the battle to keep the dam at bay. Soon, the words find their own exit, ❝I didn't think it would be so hard. All I wanted to do was help, why does everyone-- why does everyone think it's okay to just… not even try to understand…?!❞ Her head remains bowed, forehead resting on her knees as she pauses to heave a sob no longer containable. Shortly after, her tremors stop, and her eyes lift upward, glistening with tears as she willfully meets his gaze.

❝I feel like I've failed you. Like I've-- I-I've made it worse for you. I fought so hard, but it didn't help, did it…? It just made things worse for you.❞ She tries her hardest to refrain from showing any sign of breaking, but the more she speaks, the harder it is to hide the strain in her throat. ❝You've been stuck here this whole time because of me. You're being punished because of me. It's my fault… and it's my fault so many people are upset…❞ The tremors return, her fingers gripping at her sleeves as more tears pool.

❝M-my fault s-so many lives are-- a-are ruined… including yours…❞ That labored voice breaks, ❝Don't you hate me like everyone else does?❞

[kingtaejjang]

Can I just say I'm really loving the Twilight Princess manga?? Its SO GOOD. Like I know the other iterations were great (esp OOT bc wow Link has CHARACTER and the good Zelink content yes) but TPs manga is just so different in the best way?? Especially with the way they handle Zelda Link and Midnas relationship.

We get a deeper insight into Link and Midna's actual bond (beyond just her teasing him) and it makes their companionship deeper and all the more interesting and meaningful (and sad considering how TP ends rip). We see him care for her (which I guess we DID know from the game) but we also see HER slowly go from using him as a means for her goals to genuinely caring for him and worrying for his safety. They're truly partners bound by more than just circumstance. But I ESPECIALLY appreciate that they focused on the relationship between Zelda and Midna. In the game we got so LITTLE of that, and the childhood friends backstory makes Zeldas sacrifice and Midnas eventual respect and care for her less out of nowhere too. Midna was Zeldas first real friend and the first person to truly understand her, and she had that ripped from her which only contributed to her icy reserved personality (and the same can be said for Midna).

Even Zelda and Links relationship is better developed in this version. We actually get to see Link unable to read Zelda and confused about her feelings and intentions, and we see a much more sorrowful and burdened Zelda who struggles to communicate with Link and openly regrets that Link had to be drawn into this war in the first place because of her perceived wrong decision when Zant invaded. Zelda is Links guidance to fulfill his destiny and Link is Zeldas hope to remind her all is not lost. This is why their teamwork in the ganon fight is so strong, because by the end they both understand each others burdens and mistakes and instead strive to right their wrongs and save their home TOGETHER.

Tldr I am once again in my feels abt twilight princess and GO READ THE TP MANGA IF YOU HAVENT!!

[silky-stories]

aight so wut about headcanons for ruv, sarv, and garcello with an s/o who’s addicted to caffeine with a low tolerance and is constantly checking their own pulse because their heartbeat is always high/irregular

Thank you for the request! I don’t normally write for Ruv or Sarv so I hope this is okay! (^^;;)

———————————————————————

Caffeine Addict S/O (With a low tolerance of caffeine) {Ruv, Sarv & Garcello}

Genre: Not really sure actually, fluff I suppose? Is having people very concerned about you and caring for you a genre? Yeah, probably fluff.

Words: 979

Disclaimer/s: Talk about addiction, mentions of hands shaking and headaches, mentions of smoking

Notes: I hope this is alright, I’ve legitimately never had a cup of coffee before and don’t plan on it anytime soon so I had to rely on research instead of experience haha

———————————————————————

Ruv

He genuinely doesn’t understand why you would do something if it could be so dangerous for you

He found out one day after he noticed you checking your pulse frequently and got confused so he asked

His reaction was a mixture of absolute horror and confusion

Maybe a little bit of intrigue too

He admires the fearlessness, but it freaks him out when you’ve only had half of a cup of coffee and your hands are already shaking

After seeing you lie restless for an entire night after pushing it a bit too far though, he watches and monitors your caffeine intake like a hawk

“Haven’t you already had a cup of coffee today? That’s what I thought. Hand it over.”

He’s constantly checking the ingredients of literally everything you eat to see if there’s any caffeine content

“This painkiller has 55 milligrams of caffeine in it, that’s more than a cup of coffee. Are you trying to kill yourself? Here, take one of these instead.”

Checking your pulse is just a part of his normal routine too, no matter what it is that your doing, he’ll just come over and check to make sure

It stresses him out a little every time he sees you checking your own pulse too

“What? What is it? Is it too fast? Well move your hand, let me check.”

He can be a bit much sometimes, but it’s all out of only good intention

He doesn’t really say it, but he’s just very scared that one day you’ll overdo it and he’ll end up losing you

He might (absolutely would) try to ween you off of caffeine all together just to get rid of that fear, although he won’t push it if you really don’t want to

In the end he ends up having a real distaste for caffeine

Sarv

Mom mode activate

She found out when she noticed your hands shaking one day and quickly got concerned

As soon as she is filled in on the whole story she immediately took the situation into her own hands and started monitoring you with your caffeine intake

Her monitoring is not overprotective or controlling though, its very loving and concerned

“Didn’t you already have some coffee today darling? Come on now, let me make you something else instead.”

She’ll start looking into all sorts of alternatives like chicory coffee, which is caffeine-free

She doesn’t want you to suffer because of your sensitivity, but she also doesn’t want you to feel deprived of something

Whenever you get any side effects like headaches, she’ll be right there to help you relax and soothe your ailments if she can

She will check your pulse occasionally, but always makes sure to ask first, usually after making sure that you’ve been checking yourself

“Having you been keeping an eye on your pulse darling? No? Oh no it’s fine my dear, here, allow me to check it for you.”

She also gets to use it as an excuse to hear your heartbeat, which she loves, so it’s a win-win situation

She might try to encourage you to break from your addiction all together if she sees you getting better at keeping your caffeine intake low, it’s sort of her end goal the whole time she helps you, she’s just fine with waiting as long as it takes

As long as you’re safe in the meantime, that is

Garcello

He’s... quite concerned, but he gets it

He knows how hard an addiction can be to shake, especially when you’ve become dependant on it for one reason or another

He found out when he came home really late one night and found you in the living room, wide awake

He ended up staying awake with you all night trying to help you get to sleep as you explained why this was happening

Surprise was his initial reaction, then concern, then understanding

He’s been trying to deal with his nicotine addiction throughout the time he’s been with you, so you know that he understands too

You’ve helped him with his addiction, so he returns the favour tenfold

His effort to help you isn’t controlling or overprotective in the slightest, it’s very reassuring and a mutual effort to keep you safe

He helps you keep track of all the caffeine you’ve had in a day with a little notebook, he’ll go over it with you often, if not daily, to make it easier

“...and what did you have have for lunch? ...I thought you already had coffee for breakfast though... no no, that kind of tea has caffeine in it too... no it- here wait lemme write it down before I forget.”

He helps you find substitutes for caffeinated things that you like, kind of like how you pointed out to him that lollipops were good for having something for mouth stimulation to keep his mind of of smoking

He’ll bring home caffeine-free snacks and drinks that he knows you like or new things for you to try too

He likes to check your pulse because he also loves to hear your heartbeat

“How long’s it been since you checked your heartbeat? Mind if I?”

(He says he’ll just check but he’s actually going to lay of top of your chest, listen to your heart beating, and pass out on top of you)

Whether you want to break your addiction completely or just keep yourself safe, he’s fine with helping out however he can

You both have your struggles that you have to deal with, what matters is that you’re both working together to be healthy and happy

He’s just appreciative that he’s not only got a partner that wants to help him, but trusts him enough to let him return the favour