#I love putting my favs through horrible situations | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dandyd · 2 years ago

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Fic Recs!

Hi! This is just a masterlist of all of my favorite works (some Tumblr wouldn't let me reblog :( so I'm putting them here too)! It's more or less a way for me to find my favs easier, but if you find this and wanna snoop through, you're more than welcome to!

Everything that is indented will be what the fic is about/a synopsis.

Ps. I categorize "full fics" as anything with more than 1 part or a series

Kpop

Full fics

Stray Kids

Sanguis Limerence - (Vampire!chan x reader x Vampire!minho)

"You have a job to do. That job is simple, in of itself. Yet the elusive vampire family you find yourself entangled with, the target of your job, makes things anything but straightforward. Can you traverse the thin lines between right and wrong when harsh truths are exposed and realities come to light? Can you resist the allure of danger, the appeal of the unknown? Experience this story of unlikely friendships, lurking threat, and entirely unexpected love."

SKZ Imprinted - (werewolf!skz x reader)

Individual stories that have OC’s in your place if you want to read the others’ stories! I highly recommend reading them all in order to get everyone’s full story! This writer also has a Seventeen Imprinted series that is also SO good! (Everything they write is amazing!)

Red Moon - (Werewolf!SKZ x reader) (Yes, all of them. But mainly Chan and Hyunjin)

"Hana’s life was planned out perfectly. She would marry the pack alpha, become Luna and do her duties. But the appearance of a mysterious stranger turns her life inside out she finds herself outcast and alone. Will she find her new home in Chan and his pack of strays? Will she find what she’s been looking for all along in the mysterious alpha? Or will everything crumble under her again?"

Bite Me - (vampire!felix x reader)

"you're more than familiar with the concept of 'beards' - you've been one for a few of your gay friends to protect them from the suspicious glares of their families within the horribly conservative korean society. however when lee felix - infamous at yonsei for breaking men's hearts - asks you, someone he has spoken to maybe twice, to pretend to date him so he can shake the rumours and prove he really isn't gay, you find yourself caught up in a very complex situation, a mild identity crisis and… wait - are those fangs???"

Light in the Dark - (Vampire!chan x reader)

"You knew the fairy tales were true, you knew Oddinaries existed but you also knew you were an ordinary human who wasn't considered interesting to anyone. At least that is what you thought you knew." (all of skz are different supernatural creatures) (a person who has AMAZING stuff!)

A Thump in the Night - (vampire!hyunjin x reader) (going to be more than one part?)

Uninvited - (Hybrid!chan x witch!reader) (ft. Vampire!felix, Vampire!hyunjin, and witch!jisung)

Unhinged - sequel to uninvited^

No Nut November with SKZ

This is a series of imagines (one per member) of the boys participating in nnn and it is pure glorious filth.

Hierarchy - (Mafia!Changbin x reader) (kinda mafia!felix x reader)

"You have always been utterly uninteresting, safely boring as close. You had a normal job, normal friends and the sweetest bestie on the planet but now everything is upside down and that best friend of yours is far more dangerous than you could have ever imagined." (All of their stuff is SO good so I tagged the whole masterlist but this is very specifically about Hierarchy)

Ateez

Blinding Lights - (mafia!Seonghwa x reader) (also kinda a hongjoong x reader)

"You are your father’s daughter. he taught you everything - how to lie, how to steal, how to kill. but after your younger sister’s marriage, it was only a matter of time before you were paired off with someone. your parents arrange a marriage with a powerful and dangerous up-and-comer who is determined to dethrone your father as king of the underworld. your match is a no-brainer - you and park seonghwa are not only perfect together, you are the best. The two of you are like new royalty - and you would stop at nothing to keep control."

Horizon - (pirate!hongjoong x reader)

"Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to."

Treasure - (pirate!hongjoong x reader)

"The formidable pirate king Hongjoong and his crew aboard the ATEEZ are in search of something left by their mentor and forebear, Eden. Will they find Eden and his treasure or will they succumb to the many enemies and dangers of the seas, losing their way and each other?"

Pirate King - (pirate!ateez x reader)

"Life as an amnesiac on board a pirate ship ruled by the one and only Pirate King doesn’t seem very promising, but hey, anything’s better than becoming shark food." (honestly the best thing I have ever read)

Instructions Unclear - (android!San x reader)

"While walking home from work one day, you stumble upon an android from the world up-top, a world you were sure you would never be able to experience. once he opens his eyes, you become his master."

NCT

NCT as werewolves

A series of fic with beautiful moodboards/aesthetics to go with!

Vigilantes - (NCT x Superpowered!reader)

NCT werewolf au

"In a world where omega werewolves are a commodity and alphas can go feral/crazy with the need to ‘breed’ them when they’re in heats, things are rough for a pack of 23 alphas." (Each fic can stand alone, but they are in chronological order) (Johnny’s is a personal fav)

Humanity - (Kun x reader) (zombie apocalypse au)

"This is a story dedicated to people and their silly ventures and ways—hope, fear, familiarity, and adoration. Nothing short of catastrophic, but nothing short of human."

Stay Alive - (NCT Dream x platonic!reader)

"Nobody was ready for a zombie apocalypse. you were definitely not ready for a zombie apocalypse. while contemplating just giving up and accepting your fate, you meet a group of boys. life may seem pointless now, but at the very least, you now have a reason to stay alive."

Others (and multiples)

Post Mortem (Haechan x reader) (Zombie apocalypse au) (ft. skz and the dreamies)

Blood Red Skies - (Mafia! Bang Chan x reader) (mafia!skz, mafia!ateez, pirate!ateez)

"Spending most her time in the library and doing anything to keep herself distracted from her life is what Y/N has learned over the years but the situation changed in a matter of seconds and never did she even think of coming face to face with a mafia. She has to make the decision for her life which seems like it will be no different from what it already is." (All of their stuff is good but Blood Red Skies is at the bottom of their masterlist)

The Last of Us - (Kim Taehyung x reader) (zombie apocalypse au)

Dead by Dawn - (Kim Namjoon x reader) (zombie apocalypse au)

"You start to notice things in your small town turn weird. Thinking not much of it, you continue to live as you had been for the past couple of years. What happens when your simple conclusions turn into something more terrifying?"

Survive the apocalypse with BTS

A list of zombie fics

Imagines

Stray Kids

Heartbeat - (Chan x reader)

just a cute rainy day fic

Bad Neighborhood - (mafia!Changbin x reader)

Lost Notebook - (chan x reader) (zombie apocalypse au)

"It’s the end of the world as you know it. You’re alone and overhear a dangerous conversation. Should you help them?"

Vampire!hyunjin x reader (Genius writer. I love all of their stuff! just fluffy goodness)

Vampire!felix x reader (more fluffy goodness)

Dad!minho (pure fluff)

Minho x reader

Dad!chan x reader (he is lowkey a "single" dad but he has you)

Cute lil stragazing with Felix drabble

Excuses - (minho x reader)

"You ask your boyfriend for some private dancing lessons, and although he hears you loud and clear, he still manages to believe you're just making up excuses for him to come over."

Where the sun don't shine - (dad!chan x reader)

It really isn't about him or the reader but about their 2 kids going to school. This person has so much dad!skz stuff and they are all so cute!

On My Mind - (roommate!jisung x reader) (college au)

"You and Jisung are stressed over your upcoming exams. You need to clear your heads, but you can't find anything that works. That is, until Jisung suggests watching porn together."

Exhaustion - (best friend!chan x reader) (college au/f2l)

Random texts with skz

Ateez

Illuminate the ocean - (Pirate!Seonghwa x Pirate!reader)

"Seonghwa absolutely hates the idea of having a new captain on board 'Precious' with him and his crew, but he doesn't have a choice because you had insisted. You have a feeling that he isn't as bad as he makes himself seem and you're proven right through nightmares and colourful jellyfish…"

boxer!Yunho x reader (f2l)

Monster Energy Girl - (yunho x mingi x fem!reader) (college au/crack)

Entropy - (Mafia!yeosang x reader)

"Things never went according to plan; career wise, family wise, relationship wise and especially not when you were suddenly saddled with an infant to raise but you learned to roll with the punches. except the next challenge you were about to face wasn't a punch, it was a machine gun."

Dad!yunho x reader

"You come home to find your house a mess, your three girls nowhere in sight and in the middle of the chaos, your loving husband, Yunho, restrained and gagged."

Figure it Out - (streetfighter!Mingi x reader)

"Fighting is tough, fighting illegally isn’t any better but Mingi soon realizes that he’s one bad fight away from losing the most important thing: you."

Eternal Sunshine - (hongjoong x reader)

"You and Hongjoong meet on the train and instantly connect, going from friends to more. however, you're both plagued by a past that you do not remember, and when you both start to dig into it, you realise that your pasts may be connected and the situation might be graver than you thought."

NCT

See You Around - (Superhero!Jaehyun x Superhero!reader)

"You were once part of the world’s most renowned superhero organization, NCTsuper. Now centuries later, you’re still alive and you don’t know where anyone else is or if they are immortal like you too. The last person you expected to see after all these centuries was a member of NCTSuper, nonetheless your biggest rival within the organization. You really don’t want to talk to him, but you really need that milk."

Jaehyun x reader

Morning with jaehyun featuring an adorable little girl.

Not a Single Dandelion - (johnny x reader) (best friends to lovers)

"Johnny Suh has always been your whole entire sun, moon and all of the stars above. wishing for his feelings to finally be reciprocated is no use as you repeat the same ritual every year - not a single dandelion is on your side when you ask the solemn question and blow on the seeds, watching them fly away with your passing youth. years go by, yet, the question is still the same- does johnny suh finally love you back?"

Cry Wolf - (werewolf!haechan x hunter!reader)

"You keep running into an annoying, naked guy in the woods. Him being a werewolf is no excuse, at least not for the annoying part."

Phenomena - (conspiracytheorist!johnny x doctor!reader)

"The majority of your adult life you’ve been practically married to logic and science. until your superiors at the FBI assign you to work with special agent johnny suh on the so-called x-files project—cases that were never solved due to unexplained phenomena. as time goes by, and you chase case after case, you find yourself drifting further from logic… and closer to johnny."

Others

Lets mate.. I mean DATE - (werewolf!Jackson Wang x reader)

"Jackson has been working for you for months now and things have been going perfectly well, up until a single moment turns his world upside down. Suddenly all that occupies his mind and floods his senses is you and he’s going to lose his mind if he doesn’t figure out why."

Practice Makes Perfect - (Yoo Kihyun x reader)

"Kihyun catches your eye at the pool. You unexpectedly find yourself needing a very specific type of attention from this friend of a friend, and he is happy to help."

Pronoia - (Kim Namjoon x reader)

zombie apocalypse au/college au

Family Traditions - (Park Jinyoung x reader)

fluffy meeting the family trope

All About Luv

A collection of imagines from different groups based on Monsta X’s All About Luv album

Fanart

Bomb ass SKZ moodboards (skz x the walking dead)

1, 2, 3

Gods Menu

Lee Minho

Mark Lee

Marvel

Full fics

I Understand - (Bucky barnes x stark!reader)

"You’re the daughter of Tony Stark, and after meeting the Avengers for the first time, you begin to fall for the one who your father despises most…Bucky Barnes."

Almost Had Me Believing It - (Bucky barnes x reader)

"An undercover operation playing Bucky Barnes’ wife is a dream come true. Playing house in the suburbs while trying to take down a drug ring brings you and Bucky closer but a nosy neighbor causes trouble in paradise."

Like the Stars Miss the Sun - (Bucky barnes x reader)

"In the aftermath of the final battle with Thanos, you find yourself once again teaming up to fight with Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, all while trying to navigate the complicated relationship you have with the super soldier."

Imagines

Spooky Season - (Bucky barnes x reader)

Hope and Hopelessness - (Bucky barnes x avenger!reader)

"You get inured on a mission and Bucky makes the biggest mistake of his life."

Fanart

Thor and Loki

Steve is an Asshole

Random/Others

Imagines

Cupid Anonymous - (Spencer Reid x agent!reader)

"Garcia sets up an anonymous valentine’s matching site for fbi agents, and you think it’s the perfect opportunity to get over your work crush, spencer reid."

Childhood Friend - (Spencer Reid x reader)

The ObeyMe boys experience MC’s worst memories of them

A whole ass ObeyMe blog

Blog recs for ObeyMe

Fanart

ObeyMe

ObeyMe meme redraw 1, 2

ObeyMe (Beel and Mammon's ice cream)

ObeyMe Levi

ObeyMe Solomon

ObeyMe x Peter Pan

ObeyMe Lucifer

ObeyMe dad!Mammon

Twilight

Jean AOT

Levi Ackerman 1, 2

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thebrightestlodge · 1 year ago

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I'm currently watching Mandy because I recall you really liked it, and it's so cool to recognize so many details I find in your art and Godcleaver! It makes it even more interesting! If you feel inspired to say some things that you found particularly inspiring, I do want to hear! But you don't have to! I just wanted to thank you for making me discover this movie!

I must warn, it isn't even a "I really like it". It's a "rewired me on a level to the point of it's jsut my world". I'm glad it can be recognized as a huge influence! It's my fav movie so it's very near and dear to me, I have two old art pieces for it I did even (I might recolour the first pic and redraw the second). I'm glad you discovered it! It's really underrated for sure.

As for inspiration? Putting it under a read more because it will be insanely rambling and spoilers but know this is like ...a movie that is so important to me and IS me

There's a lot to the film that really speaks to what you see in my art. Music being it's own breathing heaving beast, a silent participant in the plot. The use of violent visceral colours like I'm staring at a bruise under blacklight that scratches such specific parts of the brain that frames this in an alien way, even if it's "the real world". Characters not being bad got being rightously angry and it drives them to the point of frenzy.

Dead wife/sad man stories are incredibly boring but something about this really spins the framing to the point I wouldn't even say it's one of those movies. Mandy is so fleshed out and important. We know who she is, we know she's had an incredibly horrible life before we met her/she met Red, but even with it, we see the sort of quiet cool person she is. She's someone we want to know. Dead partners in movies are so bland that we really in a way can't figure why we want to avenge them. We FEEL for her, we know who she is so the weight of her dead hits harder than anything. The death scene is incredible too, where it's jsut the throbbing synth, no sounds beyond that. We the the sleeping bag shaking and thrashing and we know what's happening, but nothing is ever exploitative on her part. We view the scene through the spectators and all their winding emotions, from Red's horror, the cultist's glee, the young girl, and Jeremiah's silent anguish and hate.

Mandy's dream sequence and the scene of ehr and Red talking of the starlings, another visit into these characters worlds, says so much without forcing a backstory. Red is almost an interesting foil here. We have just enought to figure what sort of character he is. He maybe was military/para-military and he has a drinking issue (by the scenes of him refusing a beer and him looking in the bathroom for a secret vodka bottle). He's a blank enough slate though that it let's us get to be the ones to experience Mandy. He truly loves and cares for her and we get to feel it because in how he is written and how scenes between them are shot, we ARE Red, with our own issues brought in.

Now to the meat of this situation. Mandy's death really is what makes the movie special because in how it's written and even stated by Panos Cosmatos himself, she IS the film. When Mandy dies, we no longer exist in our world. Mandy has moved into a another plane. She is Galactus and has devoured our world and we live in hers. The movie's sharp grinding as we start to peak into the phantasmagorical horror shifts because Mandy is being affected. When she gets high, everything is warped. When she dies, plots are set in motion.

My aggressive belief is when Red tastes the Biker's swill, Mandy takes him over. Not to say Red wasn't first motivated in revenge! He's the one to seek out his old friend and his weapon, he forges The Beast, he drives out to fight the bikers. We see though in the face of all this, he's jsut so emotional about it. His haunting response after Mandy dies, stumbling into the house and then the howling and chugging in the bathroom. When he's chained up and nailed to the floor in the house the bikers take over, he's jsut sobbing. Even fighting those two bikers, he all mania and emotion tearing them up. The moment he tastes the swill though? Something shifts. When he faces the main biker, there's no emotion, jsut quiet stalking, until the mention of "SHE'S ...STILL ...BURNING!"

Theory continues, we see Mandy in visions from Red, these nightmare shots of her rotting away, her adrift in the lake we see them in in the beginning, and extracting a jewel from an animal's corpse. It's like she speaks from whatever void she has now taken. The book Mandy reads is made for the movie, BUT I managed to track the fake cover. A story of a man stealing the power of witches stolen from a she-wyrm. A lone female warrior trudges to stop him. Fits the theory enough. When Red finds the Chemist, inferred to the the creator of the sludge, the way he speaks to Red is interesting. We don't have enough fo Red's character to know, but we have enough of Mandy's to make this scene interesting.

Chemist: Jovan Warrior, sent forth from the eye of the storm

-Mandy mentions in the beginning of her favourite planet being Jupiter, especially because of the eternal storms. Jove was one of the many names of the Roman god Jupiter.

Chemist: Oh man, they wronged you! Why they gotta be like that? You exude a cosmic darkness ...

-This is definitely inference because, as said, it's not like Red can't experience this, but it's so pointed. Mandy, destroyed by this cult that saw something in her, and the starling story, and the dream of the dead deer fetus. Something in her sits, dark and heavy, like the music tracks.

Red does not speak this whole time, but the Chemist talks as if there's conversation. The Chemist, so shot into another existence, maybe he IS talking with Mandy, on another level we can't comprehend. He sees the folding of worlds

When we go to find the cultists, another interesting thing comes up. The one cultist who never really comes off as feeling purposeful and involved is the young girl. The one who is willing to let Jeremiah blow her head off, the one he calls for after being upset about seeing Mandy. When Red kills Swan, the girl just watches. Mandy did see her there and maybe a kindred spirit of sorts, two people violently affected by events then and now in their lives. Maybe it's because she wasn't as malicious, who knows. Maybe it's Mandy who spares.

And finally, the last confrontation ...

In a way, I think Mandy killed Jeremiah first. His seduction and obsession, trying to impress her. Mandy is sent ROCKETING with how high she is and the scene where he speaks with ehr, their faces constantly melded, some sort of different thing is happening. Sure it's style for the movie and perhaps I can't put into words, but "You're a special one, Mandy" has meaning here. When he finally sheds his coat and is front of her, naked and showing her whatever he thinks passes for the divine, she laughs. It's a chuckle into a laugh into a cackling furious howl, ebcause we're seeing she's knowing she's pissing him off ow. This moment, he's crushed in front of his constant followers. He's embarrassed. In the spirit, I think he dies here, it's the first time someone tells him no and ridicules him.

In our final confrontation, it's the first time since the sludge, we hear him speak. A garbled, laid-over second voice

"The psychotic drowns ...while the mystic swims ...

You're drowning. I'm swimming."

When ahd our last Mandy dream already happen. Mandy taking a jewel from some great beast. This is the final act of revenge, killing the last monster. Jeremiah's desperation to make it up, but there's no emotion facing this, no mania or sadness. Red crushes his head, the garbling speaking

"I am your god now"

The movie ends with Red driving off. We see Mandy next to him in the Camaro and we see a vision. A shot of teh first time they met. And with all we know and all we've seen, this is finally the end. The manic iconic grin of Red looking to her as we driveoff into this alien fantasy landscape. The final bit of the film stating they are reborn into this carnal new world. They become one here finally.

And I mean, you can add your trans narratives in here, or even just state they are trans. Something about the total take of bodies, two sharing in one body, being whatever you choose to headcanon them as. I don't remember the thoughts I had on this, will edit when I remember, but I think it's a very trans film.

We're swallowed into this world of Mandy's. I know Red wears the Tiger shirt but I think Lizzie represents Mandy more. The tiger set loose into the Pacific Northwest is jsut what it is. We're watching her and Red's love become one huge angry beast, their love isn't corrupted. A frenzy and compassion and caring between two broken people that becomes so ravenous after this trauma, it takes chunks out of this world and rebuilds it, sharpens its fangs so it can devour the violators who encroached. A winding grizzled thing that pulses like the beatof the soundtrack. I jsut think it's a cool movie, sorry for any tangents or my being incoherent when talking about it.

Stream this, sound of the summer

youtube

#Long long post #ask #my art #my beloved #head trauma

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seasideoranges · 8 months ago

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❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Ask Game! OKAY SO I know this is asking for one specific character, buuuut I'm going to go through more than one character haha. To start;

Toph!

I was just talking about Toph in a server a couple of days ago, and I feel like people mischaracterize her a lot, but I kinda don't blame them! Toph is kind of a tricky character to write! But I read so many fics that just boil her down to "tough girl who doesn't take shit and bullies everyone" and like, yes, there is some truth to that, but she is also so much more! She's soft, she listens, she's genuinely a kind, good friend, despite her rough demeanor! There's a reason Sokka opens up for the first time about his mother with Toph.

Azula!

I adore Azula to bits, I love her, I want to see her get better and get another chance, but man, I hate how people lately have been woobifying the crap out of her lately (this happens to Iroh and Zuko too!!). I seen an argument on TikTok that Azula had a right to mortally wound Aang because it was SELF DEFENSE?! I thought OP was joking, but uh, nope, they were completely serious haha. You can't say you love 'problematic' characters only to try and make them 'unproblematic' as possible!

Aang!

I noticed that there's some people that hate Aang with a passion, so much so, that they'll try to paint him out as this sexist, abusive person/partner/father, and it bugs the hell out of me. Kind of makes me laugh a little too, seeing how powerful the haterism is towards this fictional 12 year old boy. This discourse especially gets worse when TLOK gets thrown into the mix and people try to paint him as a 'deadbeat' father, and some even try to compare him to Ozai?? It grosses me out, and the 'deadbeat' part is far from the truth! Words have meaning and weight to them, people!

Sokka!

Had to throw my fav in here of course. Here's the thing, people will either characterize Sokka as being nothing more than a dumb jokester, or they'll acknowledge that he's smart, but completely forget that he's incredibly grump, sarcastic, and skeptical which can lead him to be borderline cynical, especially in S1! There's also the whole "Sokka didn't really love his mom" discourse and, not to sound dramatic, but it makes me want to rip my hair out LMAO. I personally think that Sokka is one of the most interesting characters in ATLA and it kinda sucks seeing people gloss over him so much.

URSA!

Now this might be my most controversial take lmao. Before I start, I'm not saying Ursa was a perfect parent, and I wont be talking about the comics in this part, just strictly the show. But at this point, I almost feel like an Ursa defender because people greatly misinterpret her character and try to paint her to be just as bad as Ozai, especially when Azula is thrown into the mix. I'm sorry y'all, but I don't agree with the "Ursa was a 'boy' mom and favorited Zuko and abused Azula" takes. I don't think this was the case at all, and her relationship with Azula is so much more complex than that. People tend to forget that A) This was all Ozai's doing, he saw Azula as a weapon and put a wedge between her and the rest of her family (specifically Zuko and Ursa) and B) Ursa was also abused. She was an abused woman, trapped in a horrible situation, and wasn't left with a lot of great options or freedom.

Anyways I could talk about this all day with pretty much the rest of the Gaang, but I'll try and keep this from getting too long haha! AND AS ALWAYS, I don't want any discourse! I am always open for discussion! I love reading other peoples takes and I am always willing to change my views!

#putting that last part because #i know discussions around ursa tend to be... heated haha #ask game #atla #im sure ppl will be chill about this but if for some reason this gets out of hand i might turn off reblogs for this haha

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bandzboy · 30 days ago

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My ask was too long to send previously so I'll try to keep it short this time haha.. I agree with what you say! I think it truly is important to talk about what's happening in the kpop scene, especially lately when so many things have come to light regarding companies and their staff, and the things that have been happening to these idols and groups. It's so dehumanizing to see moas downplaying Gyu's situation and making light of what happened to him. They see their favorite person they CLAIM to support crying but instead of actually talking about WHY or the reason they make memes, hit tweets about shipping or etc?? Do they not see how wrong that is?! He is not an object, he is not a toy, NONE of these idols are but they treat them just like their company does?? Yet they claim they don't? No moa I see has discussed how sad what happened to Beomgyu is, I don't see ANY moa on Twitter or tiktok talk about the reason WHY he was crying. These idols are overworked but the fans couldn't care less. They tweet about them needing rest but then act like nothing happened the next time? They use their vulnerable moments for their edits or their own narrative to prove something but they don't truly care about them or what they're facing or going through.. I truly hope things change for kpop next year and every single idol gets the rest they deserve. I hope they're all okay physically and mentally, it must be so hard to be so overworked like that. I hope these companies get their karma for treating their artists horrible. I'm glad we can talk about this because it seems there's no one or nowhere else too..

this reminds me of a convo i had not that long ago with my bestie tiff (shoutout to tiff btw) where we talked about this situation where kpop stans seem to almost enjoy their faves suffering just so, in a sick and twisted way they can use these situations in fanwars to be like "my fav suffers more than yours" (which i've seen people on twt do not that long ago btw) even tho they know they are overworked or mistreated, they don't do anything about it. it puts these fans in a comfortable position where they have to get real about the industry and its effects on idols. but i guess if they keep suffering it's almost good to these people bc they can keep this "underdog" narrative going that people love WAY too much to play into to show that despite it all, they are still successful. the truth is, they shouldn't have to go through all of these hardships in order to make it. i feel like we can acknowledge them and have more respect towards these idols for that but there's this certain tone of romanticization that kpop stans use to describe these moments that sometimes were very traumatic to idols and companies play on this thing too all of the times and it's weird

but all of this to say that, it truly seems like most kpop stans enjoy that their idols go through tough times and, like you mentioned, use these types of clips where they are crying and being emotional for edits and it's truly unsettling. if i was an idol and i saw my fans doing that with moments where i was at my lowest and my most vulnerable i don't think i would ever want to show emotions in public to anyone ever again. it's just disrespectful and weird overall.

i keep saying this and it feels like the most generic saying in the world at this point but it's evident that some people still don't get that idols are humans. they deserve to be respected as such and to not be seen as entertainment and as commodities like seungkwan said in his statement (and that statement resonated with many idols btw). it's sad that this even need to be said because people just don't truly get it.

i feel like it's time that moas (and other fandoms truly but in this case it's moas) just address the obvious elephant in the room which is the fact that txt as a group went through a lot of shit this year health wise and they are EXHAUSTED from being overworked and soobin went on hiatus because he probably couldn't take this insane workload any longer. part of me can't shake the feeling that he endured for the sake of the group since he is the leader but it got to a point that he couldn't do anymore and honestly, i wish moas would honestly think about this sincerely. this is not a good thing to think about. i am not exactly this happiest when i discuss this but is it necessary for the sake of trying to fight for their rights as workers? FUCKING YES. this is all about giving up your comfort to stand up for the right thing and someone you supposedly love (if some do like they claim). i hope, for the sake of txt, moas start to do better

#thank you for this tho!!#i wish most kpop stans weren't this weird #when idols were open about things #they cannot actually process anything #so they just decide to act in weird ways online #i hope idols just don't see the shit they do #it's disappointing #asks #anon

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kavalyera · 3 months ago

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hiii evren :3 hru??

the weather in wales is shit and i hate it </3 (keeps going from 3 degrees to like 17 ashfaksjfa)

anyways! i was looking through your oc blogs and ajsgfjkasfa i love both Belladonna nad Hearst. so uhh opportunity to talk about them?

idk i dont really have any questions about them but i'd love to hear more about them👀

WAOGHHHH CHANCE TO YAP!!!

Both Bel and Hearst were originally SCP OCs cause I hyperfixated HARD on SCP back then (longest hyperfixation which lasted around maybe 5 years?? I forgor)

Anyways Belladonna (any pronouns) is an assassin who uses poison to kill people with ^_^ she doesn’t like having to use it’s fist to fight or guns because he’d rather have it quick or agonizingly painful based on what their feeling!!!! He’s a nerd when it comes to poison and chemistry and they’re really goth bc i love goth music and i love goths🫶

it’s last name is Belladonna from the toxic plant belladonna atropa (i think that’s the spelling) and the last name is the last name of a serial killer who used poison to kill :)))) she has some tattoos but i havent really drawn them yet</3 but she has a spider tattoo on her upper right back because AUGHHH I LOVE BUG TATTOOSSS (planning to get a centipede or moth one hehehehehe)

here’s his playlist if u want :3

hearst on the other hand is probably my most fav oc he’s been with me the longest!!! he’s basically me pre-transition LMAO introverted + mean + depressed he has a daughter named Adrianne mostly called Ria. i was a really big fan of familial relationships and i still am because they explore a much more complex sort of relationship than just the ordinary romance or friendship yk?? ria is basically the reason hearst is healing from his traumas and stuff because he wants to be better for her he doesn’t want her to have the same childhood as him

his voice claim is ethan winters and hearst is literally based off of the blond male silent horror protagonist hehehehe i’ve put him in several horror game aus and everytime a horror game has an option to have a name i just put his name ‘archer’ for no reason other than because i find it funny seeing him in silly situations

also he’s very much my favorite oc out of maybe the hundreds i’ve created/j and also his motifs are lighthouses and seas because i grew attached to the lighthouse movie with william dafoe and i REALLY loved lighthouses and i still do i think in every fandom i’ve used lighthouses in someway in fanfiction or artwork. i associate hearst with the sea and his daughter’s name means “the sea” and he has an anchor necklace too!! ^_^ & also a shell tattoo because i luv the ocean i yearn for the ocean. he’s associated with lighthouses due to isolation + they’re rad as all hell and if hearst could live as a lighthouse keeper he WOULD!!! unfortunately he is an armsdealer constantly dealing with the tarasov family’s bullshit😔 and he’s associated with the sea/ocean because of the fact it can be cold and unwelcoming but also warm and loving

hearst is literally my most fav oc when i had to write like a rlly long poem for a grade i wrote about him idk if i can translate it into english but yeah i’ll try😭

anyways i hope wales stops with it’s horrible weather because bestie what is HAPPENING😭????? uk things idk😭

#AHHHH MY OCS YAYYYY #i luv talking abt my ocs ^_^#belladonna nickell #a.p. hearst #john wick oc #jw oc #my ocs #marquis asks

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pterostar · 6 months ago

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Oooh i see, okok that makes sense. Thats cool!! I also play MC & SDV! Do you play java or bedrock? If both do you perfer one over the other? Also! Do you have a fav romanceable NPC + Who's your fav Non romanceable NPC?

Its been a bit since I've played sims and ngl when I did play I just had fun building stuff haha. What abt it do you enjoy most?

D&D is cool!! I've only been in 2 games but its tons of fun!! Whats the last character you played? Alsoalso what the most recent board game you've played? Sidenote sorta but what got you into the yandere community (subculture?)?

I play on both for Minecraft and Stardew for Minecraft I currently prefer bedrock as I have a realm with my friends (even if they haven’t really gotten on :( ) that’s the world I was talking about before. I mainly use Java for mods. And for Stardew I mainly play on my computer when out of the house as I play on my laptop then on my Xbox at home, but I took a break from playing until the update comes to console too.

I love Haley as my marriage candidate npc very stereotypical of me I know. And I also love Caroline she deserves so much better than Pierre. Who are your favorites?

For the Sims I really enjoy everything I like making sims and really detailed houses, and I like putting them through horribly traumatizing situations because it’s so much fun! Also absolutely fair I love building what’s your favorite style to build in for the Sims? I like doing cozy cluttered houses as that’s my ideal living place.

My last character was a Druid moth girl from a cult I wrote a like 10 page google doc on her and the campaign ended after one session and I was so upset. It ended because the dm had a falling out with one of the players because she was a shitty person, so fair enough but still sad. I always play druids because I love plants and animals and magic so it’s just perfect, what about you what class do you like?

The last board game I played was monopoly I love monopoly it’s so stupid but to me that game is so much fun, I love it playing monopoly any version of it is amazing.

What got me into the yandere community was just getting recommended yandere posts on here and just kind of recognizing my own thoughts in there and then I started following a lot of Yandere blogs and now I’m posting about it.

#asks #☆friends

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year ago

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You’re like one of my favorite HOTD blogger so I want to ask your opinion not a request but let’s say the reader was preggy and like with Aemma the husband and to chose wether to save the baby or his or you out of these the HOTD royals: Aemond, Aegon, Daemon and Jace who would chose the baby and who would chose their wife 🫣

aw im honored to be one of your favs beloved 🫶 gimme kith

the truth is, the inner feminist in me is projecting with this answer. its so fucking horrible to have to chose mother or child and i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy, but i personally would be on the mother's side; women are in constant peril as it is, and raising a child motherless would be horrible. anyway, here are my opinions

Aemond is the second born, so i don't think he's pressed for an heir, unless he's pushed into a situation that demands it.

he's a mama's boy, so i think he would consult alicent if it ever comes to it

tbfh i feel like alicent would be either be biased to the babe because she does have that 'women's suffering is women's duty' thing going on 😔 or, more likely, i think she'd all 'let the gods decide'

in latter case aemond, not liking indecisiveness, would be more pressured to chose himself.

aemond's relationship with helaena will also subconsciously weigh in on his decision. he loves her dearly and would have seen how childbearing affected her, so he may be partial towards his baby mama.

i think it all boils down to how aemond feels for baby mama, but methinks he's more likely to chose her over the babe in most circumstances. after all you can just make babies again.

Aegon i dont think particularly gives a fuck in a way that counts.

like i think he'd be more concerned about how the whole situation makes himself feel, and how stressful it is for him to be in that circumstance; he doesn't like that he's basically killing one for the other.

i think he'd wash his hands of it and tell the maesters to do what they think is best, and we all know maesters think women are placeholders 😔 rip queen

but i also think part of him that is hurt by his father doesn't want to be like him. like viserys couldn't save aemma, so perhaps out of spite/'im not like you' he'd chose baby mama.

i think being a father feels too much like duty to him, and we know how he feels about duty. i feel like he is self-aware of his inability to be a good dad and he wasn't particularly excited to have kids with helaena.

that being said, he didn't really chose helaena, so perhaps if he chose his wife, he'd be more excited to be a dad.

ergo, i highly doubt he'd chose his unborn child over his wife though, even if the maesters pressure him to chose his heir, because he knows 100% that he couldn't handle raising a child on his own.

Daemon, in a way, is similar to aegon, wherein he wouldnt really want to chose.

he mourned for aemma and he didn't chose for laena when the maesters asked him (he would have mourned for laena had the show kept those scenes of matt in)

and im not tryna say daemons a feminist, 1000% not, but i think he understands that women's war is childbirth, like what aemma said to rhaenyra.

i think he believes that this is like the function of woman/the curse of their sex and so he wouldn't want to be the one to choose, it would have to be the woman; it's kind of on par with the way he believes targaryens are above men. it's just a fact.

i think he'd want to save his kid 100% but, if push comes to shove, like aemond, he knows you can always make another baby.

if the maesters pressure him, he'll get really volatile because he'd distinctly want baby mama to chose.

Jacaerys, out of all of them, i think would decisively chose his wife.

he knows to a degree what his mom went through with her last pregnancy, and if he's ever put face to face with that situation, he'd go bleeding heart and want to save his wife at all cost.

i think the Strong in him dilutes the Targaryen need for offspring; he's loyal to the death and would not want to wish death upon his baby mama

again, this isn't like him being a feminist, this is him being pragmatic. this is him seeing the hurt of his mother and not wanting the same for his baby mama

fair enough, i think he would be pressed for an heir, considering everything going on with the successions and whatnot. but i don't think he'd be one to risk the life of his queen.

#thoughts #hotd thoughts #aemond #aegon #daemon #jacaerys #ask #anon ask

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onetimetwotimesthreetimess · 1 year ago

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Your writing is beutiful and your angst is so fucking good!!!

Question? Do you prefer hurting magnus or alec? For me magnus i put him through hell, like he is my fav

was having a horrible day at office so thank u for this. I’m appreciate the words jsjsksksk

well well well; who do I prefer hurting more?????

I don’t have an answer to this tbh. It depends from fics to fic. I love putting them through the worst of situations lmao but I also try to change it in every other fic. Like LRHWY Magnus went through hell and so is the fate of HIADT Alec lol.

It really depends on the story. Like alcoholism is something that I could see Magnus getting into so that’s why LRHWY could never be the other way around with Magnus in army and Alec as the worried spouse.

It really all depends on what I want to tell through my story and the best way to portray it.

in short:

#thank u annie 🌻#my writing

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shadesofmauve · 2 years ago

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2022 Writing Wrap Up

Total words published: 149, 266. All but 947 of them published three days ago.

Additional words written: Oh, hell, your guess is as good as mine. I've got Perpetual Soup documents simmering over here, I take bits from them and add to them all the time. Like, google is crashing rather than admit that the Epic Scrap Yard doc has been around and perpetually changing since 2011. I know I had 4000 words on the next chapter before the clock struck midnight on the 31st; I can't remember how much I added to @swaps55' fav upcoming arc (aka Kai Leng's Worst Mistake Ever) or the Vortex of Tears, but I know it was something.

Grand total of words: 149,266++! Only not, because I didn't write all those; many were first published years ago, and even the re-writes represent about three years of work. So who the hell knows.

Fandoms: Mass Effect, of course. I've also added small amounts to an original novel idea, but mostly world-building notes.

Highest everything (raw kudos, hits comments): Of all time? It's always A Star to Steer Her By for hits, kudos, and bookmarks. I'm pleased to see Sunset and Evening Star beats it for subscriptions, though!

Highest kudos-to-hits ratio: Okay, I don't think this is fair. People come re-read aStSHB, but they can only leave kudos once. Like, far and AWAY the biggest k:h ratio is for Copilots, which is a tear-jerker short fic I gave to @musanocturnis in a holiday exchange because I'm a horrible friend. It only has 45 hits total, but people who go "I know, I want to CRY!" and click on it are apparently getting what they signed up for.

New things I tried: Um. Hrm. @swaps55, what did I try that was new? :P I wanna say there's something in the Emotional Cascade Failure chapter, but it wasn't so much new as hard. There's a lot of emotional stuff in SaES that's very much putting myself in situations I have no experience with — which is always part of writing, and is new every time.

Fic I spent the most time on: Sunset and Evening Star, no question.

Fic I spent the least time on: Shipmates, my lil' exploration of how Joker and Kaidan met.

Favorite thing I wrote: I like a LOT of what I wrote this year, which is an awesome feeling! I get giggly-excited over some space combat sections that haven't seen the light of day yet, and about anything with Alejandro. I'm very pleased with coming up with the Poss'm acronym. And Joker and Kaidan's ridiculous N7 Craft Hour conversation cracks me up more than it should, for sure.

Favorite thing I read: I've done way, way more writing than reading of fic, but it's got to be one of the scenes with the Yang Gang from @swaps55' Cantata. I just love their whole dynamic. The needlepoint wall sends me, and I'm going to work a reference to it in somewhere. I also really liked Wish I May, Wish I Might by @spaced0lphin, who's out there single-handedly providing every possible form of content for the Shoker fandom including a frickin' game mod. (Which I haven't yet played for the same reason I haven't read the Tiger By My Side rewrite, @spaced0lphin — keeping my own story clear while I'm neck deep in it, and not having time :( — but the original TBMS was my fav Shoker long fic, back in the day, so...)

Writing Goals for 2023: PUBLISH NEW CHAPTERS! We're lookin' good, just gotta keep going.

New works: Just Shipmates, I think. Though my main fic is so damn long I sort of feel like the new chapters count. That'd be A Bunk on the Normandy, Emotional Cascade Failure, and Possum, most of Trust, then the new chapter Shipmates (which is different than the short fic, titles are just hard, okay). There's other new stuff through-out, but those are almost 100% new.

Tagging: @writes-in-space, @spaced0lphin, @virusq

#dear tumblr #why is every paragraph a div all of a sudden?#this is disconcerting #divconcerting #how to make the words go #year end review

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youmissedone · 3 months ago

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What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

What do you love about your muse?

What do you hate about your muse?

What about your muse amuses you?

What about your muse makes you sad?

Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Questions For the Mun { I'm gonna answer these for movie Carlos! And below a cut because this got long, haha. }

1. What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

Already answered here! ^_^

2. What made you decide to write this muse?

I'm not sure it was one specific thing? I started writing Carlos in July of 2017, and I think it was just that he was my second favorite character in the Anderson films, and he was a prominent character in my favorite Resident Evil game (RE3) and I just gravitated toward him.

Carlos and Nemesis/Matt were the first ones I decided to write in July of 2017, and then I started Kaplan in May of 2018. After that, I added Luther, the White Queen, and I sometimes wrote Alice and Becky as guest muses depending on the threads going on. So Carlos and Matt/Nemmy started things off as far as me writing in the RE fandom, and they're really my favorite characters behind Alice, who's my fav. I wish I could write her, but she's just never a going to be a character I can write to my own standards, like I feel I get her character way wrong and I don't wanna do that to her, heh.

But yeah, I really feel like I just wanted to write in the fandom and Carlos was one of my favs so I went for it, heh. I also am a huge fan of his live action actor, Oded Fehr, who I will forever love from The Mummy/The Mummy Returns franchise, so I was inspired by Carlos' actor and his mannerisms, voice, etc. to write him as well.

3. If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Already answered here! ^_^

4. If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Already answered here! ^_^

5. If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

A hug, man. This guy's been through hell, and I feel like he needs a warm, Soft™ hug that can go on for as long as he likes. Back rubbing can also happen if that would be a comfort as well. =)

6. If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

Already answered here! ^_^

7. If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

Can I borrow some of his physical strength/durability? Because I'm a horribly arthritic bitch with chronic fatigue and I would give anything to be able to endure the way Carlos does in everyday situations, heh.

8. Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I do! Of course! He deserves to be happy, he's a great guy and he does so much for others to help them deal with traumas, survive the next day, even just physically get from point A to point B. He does so much and he deserves to get some of that back.

I think having a partner in life who is willing to follow him (not literally, philosophically) in his calling to be a protector and a shield between innocent people and the evils of the world... that would make him happy. I'm not saying Carlos wouldn't necessarily want to get married or having children, but he's not settling down until his old-ass body makes him do it years from now, heh. He's a guy who's gotta keep doing things, gotta keep putting himself in harm's way. Not because he wants the danger, injury, potential death, etc., but because he knows what war and catastrophes can do to people and he wants to be one of the ones who helps alleviate that, or at least who helps people through it. He wants to be that shield that protects, that weapon that attacks first while everyone else stays back, and that person who runs toward danger so others don't have to. He's just that kind of person. So I think if he can really bond with someone and have them by his side while he's doing that kind of work, that would be his ideal life.

9. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I doooo, but that's not specific to Carlos, I'm just an angst whore, heh. I tend to really like putting my muses in horrible situations. Having said that, I love doing that and then seeing them through to the other side for some amount of peace/resolution/happy ending... ish. XD

As far as what would break their heart... I mean, he was pretty heartbroken over the way Alice left him after Apocalypse. And I totally understand why she did, I'm not blaming her or anything, but from his point of view, after they had gotten very close, opened up to each other, and even developed a romantic/sexual relationship... she left without even saying goodbye. Without telling him why. It made him feel like he really hadn't meant anything to her at all, and he tried to tell himself that maybe she had good reason, but it hurt him in a very deep place and it was hard for him to feel better about it or to not assume that his first emotional reaction was correct.

He did feel a little better about it in Extinction when she tells him why she felt she had to leave (although she left out being forced to kill Angie, likely because she feels like it's just this unforgivable thing Carlos would hate her for, which of course is not true, heh), but for five years in between Apocalypse and Extinction, he was left with a broken heart, and it really affected him on a deep level. I would go so far as to say that's why he never pursued anything with Claire, because he'd been so badly burned by Alice.

10. What do you love about your muse?

How human he is. Here's this hardened guy who's been steeped in war and conflict since he was a boy, who's a badass soldier who can absolutely kill you, who should be so detached or cold or apathetic by now... and instead he's the kindest, funniest, warmest person. He's good with kids, he's kind and understanding of civilians, and he'd give his life to save someone he doesn't even know. I just find that so amazing? He's managed to keep his heart alive through everything and I really love that about him.

11. What do you hate about your muse?

Already answered here! ^_^

12. What about your muse amuses you?

He's such a little shit, honestly. Carlos wears his humor like armor, he uses it as a tool to relax people in hard times, and he uses it to uplift those he loves, even when things are looking really freaking grim. It makes me smile, his playfulness and little jokes. His banter with Alice, Claire, Chase, L.J., etc. I love it, heh.

13. What about your muse makes you sad?

That he had to die so young and didn't make it to see the antivirus released and the world start to heal. Also... that he gave his life to get the others in the convoy to Arcadia, and then they were essentially all killed anyway. T^T

14. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

This is Carlos Oliveira, former paramilitary soldier, vehicles and explosives expert, and all-around great, reliable guy. =)

15. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

YES. I would fangirl so hard. XD

16. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I... don't think I'm better than him in any way, really. I wish I could be that brave and selfless, but I'm a scaredy-cat, haha. I've had arthritis since I was two and my body is good for very little, so I'm not about to be as strong, athletic, or adventurous as he is. And I don't think I'd be as good as him in survival situations either, I mean let's face it, if I break out into a run, my knees and ankles will give out on me in two seconds flat, so I'm not outrunning any undead anytime soon, heh. So yeah, he's got me beat on everything, I think. XD

17. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

I've always been a sucker for paladin-types, I'm just gonna admit that right out of the gate. The honorable, protective types. I respect them a lot, even if people sometimes call them foolish, and I guess that personality type is something I aspire to? I don't... actually hit the mark, haha, but I do aspire to. So yeah, Ned Stark, Basch fon Ronsenburg, Carlos Oliveira, heh... same category of personality as far as always wanting to do the right, moral, good thing, and being protective of those smaller/weaker than they. I really like characters like that and I enjoy writing them, so that's definitely something that drew me to Carlos.

18. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

So I think his protector's mentality is absolutely central to who he is, but he'd probably say his sense of humor. I say that because, even with his sense of humor, he's always trying to protect others. Even if it's... telling a joke to get a scared little kid's mind off something. Or engaging in playful banter to break up the monotony and hopelessness of the convoy's day and situation. Those, to me, are still forms of protecting others. I see his humor as a facet of that. He would say humor is most important because not only is that how he helps other get by, but he is also helping himself to get through another day with that humor too. So to him, it's a very personal and essential part of his personality.

19. If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?

Already answered here! ^_^

#{ out of smokes } ᵒᵒᶜ #{ silence speaks }

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zepskies · 10 months ago

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Oh my God, girl, bless you. 😭🙏🏽

It was tricky, not gonna lie lmao, but more on that later...

I'm still loving the vacation vibes (and glamping while ridiculous actually sounds fun and was so aesthetically pleasing during the season) and the "camp" feel of getting to know the other guests. You're nailing all the side characters (aka Luke still sucks and Donno is still my fav little weirdo but I must disagree with him on ketchup and eggs).

Some short-lived chill vibes, right? 😅 I know we all make fun of it but I think I would seriously love glamping (as someone who hates bugs and wants to be as comfortable as possible on vacation but also loves nature). 😂 But thank you for saying that about the side characters! Donno is one of my favorite little psychos in this show. (And I also disagree with him about ketchup on eggs lol.)

Mary was pissing me off at the start of this. Not cool to ditch a friend on your vacation. You could really feel the reader's isolation and that it's not just this trip but in general she's kinda adrift but putting on a brave face for everyone.

She was def meant to piss you off. 😂 She's being a little diva for sure. But I'm glad that you could feel how lonely the reader truly feels, even before Mary started to ditch her. "Putting on a brave face" is definitely it.

Btw I love that you've captured the duality of Emily in that yeah, she's a bit mature for age and intelligent but sometimes she really is a teenager and has no filter/concept of what NOT to do when you come across a certain something in the woods 😂

LOL thank you for shouting this out! I did my best to get personality while still showing that she's a teenager who's gonna act teenager-like in certain situations, even though she does strike me as being mature for her age and above average intelligence, like her parents.

I'm glad Mary came around and was able to talk with the reader and semi-apologize considering what happens. It was at this point when she mentioned a run that I GASPED and realized what the fuck you were doing and who Mary was. Here I thought she was an OC this whole time and you just do a sneaky sneak and blow my mind. All I can say is hats off to you because I did NOT see that coming and I KNOW that was hard to pull off on sooo many levels.

Omg thank you, love!!! I basically tweaked/exaggerated the bits of her personality we saw on the show, but kept her name (and unfortunately what happens to her). I'm actually so glad it still managed to catch you off guard! 😂 Because she's close to the reader you think she might be "safe" as part of the main cast, but this will actually be a major catalyst for the reader's character arc going forward.

I was so sad reader was there when Mary was found but actually also strangely happy? In a horrible moment where the reader had every right to be devastated, she was there for Emily with no hesitation. It's touched on but I think Beau not only appreciates it but really respects her for that reaction of thinking of his daughter first.

It hurts so good right? It's kind of one of those situations where you might be glad to see the reader and Emily trauma bonding, but still feel sorry for poor Mary and what the reader's now going through. And for sure, this is going to frame how Beau sees her going forward as well. 💞💞

And he gave her his coat and called her darlin' again when she feels like shit. 😭 🥹 He's a good bean and she needs a good bean in her life and oh I hope they let each other in without too much fuss (and maybe some matchmaking from Emily?). Aaaand now I remember what happens with Emily later in the season and I'm scared for what you've done lol.

He absolutely did, that good, good man. 🥹 He needs a good bean too, and you'll see how they slowly but surely become that bright spot for one another. (Possibly with some help from Emily. 😏)

And lol, it's funny you mention that later plot point with Emily. I won't give anything away yet, but that will be covered in this story.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me on Part 2 as well!! It made me smile from ear to ear. 🥰 I'm so happy to see you're enjoying the ride so far. 💕

And glad you're on board with 2x a week posting! It's not normally something I do, but it just feels right for this story. (But omg is Wednesday really Beau’s day?? Characters have days?? How did I not know this? 🤣)

Take Me Home - Part 2

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from.

AN: Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments on Part 1! I know many of you have questions, and I promise, all will be revealed in due time…

(Also, what do you guys think of new chapters releasing on Wednesdays and Sundays instead of just Fridays? A week is a long time, isn't it? 😂)

Song Inspo: “City Grown Willow” by Radio Company

Word Count: 5,200

Tags/Warnings: Tension, hurt/comfort, major angst, and more comfort of a different sort.

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 2: It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay

Tensions were running high at Sunny Day Excursions.

Over the next few days, Mary continued to press the issue of you staying in Montana with little passive aggressive comments that got on your damn nerves. You proverbially dug your heels in, and became even more stubborn and taciturn as a result.

Unstoppable force meets immovable object.

However, the entire camp was shaken the night Paige and Luke disappeared on a hike. Buck and Sunny assured everyone that they were doing their best to look for the couple, but come the morning, it was Emily who accidentally found Luke in the woods, bleeding from a head wound, and without Paige.

He claimed that they’d gone their separate ways after a fight, and he hadn’t seen her since. Paige’s suitcase and things were gone from her tent, so Sunny could only assume that she’d found her way back to camp and left for home by morning.

“Look, no one’s a prisoner here,” Sunny had said. “If Paige wanted to go home, then that’s up to her.”

There was still something off about it though, you felt. Emily seemed to share your thoughts; you’d heard her whispering with Avery, and Dan, another camper in his early 40s.

You started to watch Luke a bit harder from then on. As did your friend Mary, if for different reasons.

It was still early in the morning when you caught her flirting with Luke in front of your shared tent.

“A personal trainer, huh?” said Luke. His gaze flit over Mary’s form, and she allowed it with a smile. “You know, I’ve got a pretty good workout routine, but I’ll bet you can give me some tips—”

“Drink lots of water,” you said dryly as you approached the tent. You carried your sketchpad and acrylic paints in your hand, and you pushed into the tent without giving Luke and Mary more than a glance.

You heard Mary’s voice outside the tent, all girlish and flirtatious as she apologized about you, and suggested they could keep talking later. Luke readily agreed. You sat down on the edge of your bed and watched his silhouette walk away from the tent.

Mary soon joined you inside, and she didn’t look pleased. She stared down at you and crossed her arms.

“Are you kidding me with that shit?” you asked, gesturing at the scene you just saw.

“Could you be any more of a cockblock?” Mary shot back.

“Number one, that guy is a little too young for you, Cougar Town,” you reminded her. Luke had to be in his early 20s. It had been a hot minute since you and Mary were of college age. “Number two, he came here with his girlfriend, who he somehow lost in the woods.”

“She left him,” Mary said. “All alone in the middle of nowhere. Then she took off and went home so she didn’t have to deal with what she did. I feel bad for him.”

“No, you’re horny for him. There’s a difference,” you said flatly.

You loved Mary like a sister, but she had the tendency to let guys blind her to good sense. (Ha. Pot calling the kettle black, came your self-deprecation.)

Though you could’ve predicted the way she huffed and walked away, once again leaving you alone. You sighed.

Wasn’t this vacation for us? you wondered.

Mary continued to bait Luke with coy flirtation, while you tried and failed to ride a horse again. Cormack had been kind and encouraging in trying to help you onto the creature, but once you were on its back, you were too afraid to let the horse move.

You felt like you were going to topple off at any moment, even with Beau Arlen’s advice. (Which still made you blush whenever you thought about it.)

So Cormack helped you down, and you went back to the mess tent for a mid-afternoon snack to make you feel better: a giant jelly donut.

You were really getting frustrated with yourself now.

“It’s not so hard,” Emily had said. You could imagine that her dad, the cowboy sheriff, had put her on a horse from the time she was a little kid. You were a city girl, through and through. The closest you’d ever gotten to riding a horse was a plastic one—a carousel at a carnival when you were six.

While you finished off your donut, you realized that you’d spent the whole day alone. As frustrated as you were with Mary, she was your best friend. And after this week, you would be staying and she would be going back to Chicago. You didn’t know when you would get to see her again.

So with a sigh, you wiped your hands free of donut icing and went to try and find her.

You started with the tent you shared with her. “Hey, Mary? Look I—”

You gasped when, upon entering the tent, you got your eyes seared. Mary and Luke were tangled together under the sheets. He moved off of your friend and rolled onto his back next to her when you came in. Mary uttered your name in shock. Everyone was shocked, really.

You were that, and angry.

“Really?! In our goddamn bed?” you shouted. Your gaze focused on Luke, and you pointed at him. “Get the hell out of here.”

He hesitated slightly, glancing at Mary, but your furious look scared him more. He grabbed his boxers and got dressed under the sheets before he left the bed, and then fled the tent, giving you a wide berth on his way out.

You then focused on Mary, who somehow looked both contrite and irritated at being interrupted. She said your name in a placating way, but you shook your head.

“No. No. Don’t even try,” you said. “That guy’s girlfriend left him in the middle of a vacation! What does that tell you? Please, screw me?”

“You know what?” Mary snapped. She sat up in the bed, making sure to cover herself with the sheet. She leaned over to grab her clothes from the floor and started hastily getting dressed.

“Luke’s actually a nice guy," she said. "You used to know how to have fun. But now you’ve just become this bitter person who can’t relax or let yourself be happy, let alone anyone else.”

That actually struck you—like a physical blow to your chest. You tried to blink past the sting of tears in your eyes.

“You’re a damn child,” you said, steadier than you felt. “You’re not the one who had your whole world imploded.”

Mary’s lips pursed. She still looked angry, but also like she was hiding the sting of guilt. She gathered up some of her things and informed you that she’d be staying at Luke’s tent tonight.

Freakin’ fine by you.

You’d also have to request some new bed sheets from Sunny.

In the morning, you stumbled out of bed after a rough night’s sleep. It was hard for you to sleep in a new place by yourself, especially out here in the woods.

Especially after how you and Mary left things.

You were so tired, you counted it a small blessing that you were able to put on clothes and get your hair into some kind of normalcy before you trekked over to the mess tent.

There you accidentally overheard Avery and Emily arguing; she’d lost her knife in the woods when she’d happened upon Luke, but Avery was reluctant to let her go hiking by herself. Apparently, her mother was due to join them this morning as well.

It seemed like the day of late comers though. A new married couple, Tonya and Donno, had arrived late yesterday to join the trip. They’d requested a tent at the far end of the camp, closest to the woods. Apparently, they wanted to really experience nature.

All you knew was, they seemed a bit weird.

“That knife’s important. My father gave it to me,” Emily said, interrupting your thoughts.

It made Avery quiet, but they both greeted you more pleasantly when you had to walk by them to get to the coffee.

“Hey, sorry,” you gave a little wave in embarrassment. You hated interrupting moments that had nothing to do with you, but you supposed it was unavoidable in this camp.

Once you’d gotten your coffee and filled your plate with some eggs and bacon, you joined them at the table. You pretended not to notice the way they both glanced at you with measures of concern. Did you really look that bad?

Avery wisely didn’t comment. Emily wasn’t as good at curbing her inner filter.

“Hey, you okay?” she asked. You gave her a thin smile.

“Just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep so well,” you admitted.

Of course, that was when the reason for your bedraggled appearance strolled into the mess tent. Mary came in and noticed Avery and Emily first with a smile. It turned frosty when she glanced at you. You gave her a mocking “smile” right back.

She chose to ignore you and went for the buffet table instead.

Right, you thought. You supposed that was how it was going to be for the rest of this damn trip.

“All righty! Good mornin’, folks,” Sunny said, entering the mess tent. She surveyed all the faces gathered—some relaxed and jovial, and then your table, a bit awkward, a bit tense.

She moved on with a smile that matched her name and her shiny red hair.

“Just lettin’ you all know as a reminder, we’ve got a bunch of activities for you all if there are any takers. Archery, kayaking, it’s gonna be a great time,” she said. “But if you prefer, you’re welcome to keep to the camp have a more relaxed day. It’s your vacation, so it’s up to you how you wanna spend it.”

You all nodded in understanding.

It’s your vacation. You choose how you spend it.

That, you could get on board with.

You spent the rest of the morning alone, as usual. Either you were reading in the outdoor lounge area, taking in the sunshine and the fresh air, or you were painting, taking in the landscape of the tall trees and the great, big mountains peeking out from behind them.

You earned yourself some peace today, one that let you breathe and try to tune out your frustrations with Mary, and your worries about the future. You hummed along to a melody in your mind as you painted. Completely at peace…

Until a hand tapped on your shoulder, making you yelp and sending your paintbrush high in the air.

Cormack came into your line of vision with a barely stifled laugh and placating hands. While you took out your earbuds (and calmed your breathing), he grabbed your brush and handed it back to you.

“Sorry about that. Just wanted to let you know that lunch is served,” he said, though he took a glance at your painting. “Hey, lookin’ real good there. Nice landscape.”

You let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Aw, you don’t have to be so nice. I’m still learning.”

He crossed his arms. “Well, if you’re interested in taking classes, I know someone who runs an art studio in town. Miss Peggy. Nice lady. Not too harsh.”

You laughed more genuinely.

“Good to know, thanks! Send me the address and I’ll check it out,” you said. Cormack agreed with a smile, and he helped you up from the long couch you were sitting on. The two of you walked back together to the central part of the camp, where the mess tent was.

There you met Emily’s mother, Carla, who’d just joined her family at the camp. She wasn’t exactly dressed for camping in her pressed blouse and pencil skirt; professional and smart, her long dark hair a perfect coil.

This woman was immaculate. As you soon learned, she was also a lawyer. You didn’t often feel intimidated by other women, but she could fit that bill, considering you were sweaty and dusty in your plain V-necked shirt and jeans.

And especially knowing that this was Sheriff Arlen’s ex-wife. Avery seemed like the “wealthy businessman” type—the kind of man you’d expect a high-powered lawyer to be with. You found yourself wondering how she’d met the sheriff.

That’s none of your busineeeess, you sing-songed in your mind, while you speared more salad on your plate. As if that could disguise the juicy brisket burger right beside it.

After lunch, you returned to your tent to finally find Mary. She was lying on the bed, looking a bit listless.

“I’m surprised you’re not attached to Luke’s hip,” you remarked, setting down your backpack and paint supplies on the floor. “Or his face.”

She shot you a peeved look. “He keeps ditching me for that weird new couple. Tonya and Donner or something.”

“Donno?” you supplied. “Yeah, he’s weird. He stole the ketchup bottle from the breakfast table this morning. He told me, ‘You shouldn’t ruin good eggs with sugary tomato paste.’”

Mary raised a brow, but she turned to you when you sat down beside her on the bed. There was a moment of tension between you, even though your gazes were softer to each other. The truth was, you missed your friend today. You guys didn’t fight often, and it had you hurting. Maybe she felt the same way.

“Listen,” you said with a sigh. “I’m not sorry for throwing Luke out of our tent. That was gross as hell, and I didn’t appreciate that. But I don’t want to fight with you. I want to enjoy our last few days together before you go back to Chicago.”

Mary’s lips pursed, but she seemed to relent.

“Yeah, that was a bitch move,” she admitted. She knew full well that her tryst with Luke could’ve happened in his tent, not the one she shared with you. She met your gaze with more resignation, as well as apology.

“You’re really staying here, aren’t you?” she asked.

You nodded. “Yeah, I am. I’m not saying there’s nothing for me back home. Of course I’m going to miss you, our friends, the rest of my family…but I need to do this. I need a fresh start.”

It took her a moment, but Mary nodded. She reached over and hugged you. You held her back tightly.

After a beat, she let you go and slid out of bed.

“Okay,” she sighed. “I need to do something. I’m going stir crazy in here.”

“Where’re you going?” you asked.

“Just for a run,” she replied. “I should be back by dinner.”

“A run?” you repeated, your brows furrowing. “In the woods by yourself? Don’t you think that’s dangerous?”

“Well, you could come with me,” she offered. You grimaced. You and running didn’t mix. You were more of a yoga girl.

Mary laughed and finished changing into her activewear and sneakers.

“That’s what I thought,” she said. “No worries, I’ll have my phone if anything. I’ll be okay.”

“But your cell won’t have service out there!” you said.

Mary was already leaving. She blew you a kiss goodbye, though she did stop in the tent’s entryway. Her face sobered with a sincere apology.

“Look, I’m sorry for everything, okay?” she said. “I know I can be a brat sometimes…but we can talk more when I get back, clear my head.”

You were reluctant to see her go, but you nodded.

“Just be back in time for dinner!” you called after her.

Mary wasn’t back for dinner. Even after the sun set, she hadn’t come back from her run. You were really beginning to worry.

All the other campers were gathering up at the edge of camp for a Night Hike. It was an idea Buck and Sunny surprised you all with a few hours ago. You wondered if they were trying to make up for the strange way Paige left the camp.

“The moon’s full tonight,” as Sunny had said, with a slightly too bright smile. “Should be a beautiful time.”

You asked some of the others if they’d seen Mary, but they all replied negatively. Even Luke was nowhere to be found…but someone else was missing too.

“I still can’t believe you let her go into the woods alone,” Carla snapped at her husband.

Avery’s frown deepened. “I had no idea she went off by herself. You know your daughter. She’s headstrong—”

“Yeah, just like her father,” Carla muttered, turning away from him. Avery sighed.

You couldn’t help but approach them.

“Emily’s missing?" you said in concern. "Mary is too. I’ve been waiting for her to come back all afternoon.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Carla said. She frowned as anxiety continued to well up in her eyes. “Maybe they found each other.”

You touched her arm in comfort. “Either way, we can all look for them now.”

Sunny came up to the group with a flashlight and a smile.

“Everyone ready?” she asked.

“Mary’s missing,” you told her, “And so is Emily. Mary went on a run this morning and hasn’t been back since.”

Sunny inclined her head. After she surveyed the rest of the crowd, she settled back on you.

“I see Luke’s not among us either. Maybe they’re together?” she suggested, in a leading tone. You frowned.

“No, she left alone,” you said firmly.

“Don’t mean she stayed alone, darlin’,” Sunny replied, with that Oklahoma twang that so often made her words more charming. “But we’ll be sure to look for her and Emily while we’re out there.”

Carla shook her head and said to her husband, “That’s it. I’m calling Beau.”

“Darling, you don’t need to,” Avery replied, shaking his head. “Emily’s a responsible girl. She knows what time we’re meant to leave—”

Carla shook her head and walked past him and Sunny—towards the hotspot for cell service. You agreed with her; calling the sheriff couldn’t hurt, especially if you all couldn’t find Mary or Emily on this hike.

You still went with the rest of them to start your own search. You tried to keep with the group, but after lingering in certain spots to call for Mary, you eventually realized that you’d lost the trail—and everyone else.

The trees were tall and dark now. The moon was filtering through them like the sun had during other day hikes, but it was much more ominous at night.

“Shit,” you muttered. You gripped your flashlight in worry as panic started to well up in your chest.

Now you were lost.

You jumped with a start when the hoot of a bird passed by overhead.

Shiiiit. This was very bad.

You kept moving forward on what you thought was the trail. That was all you could do, keep moving forward. You made a few turns around some trees, occasionally calling out for Sunny, or Mary, or anyone to hear you.

The panic was back now, full force, and you felt the sting of tears in your eyes. And when you turned another corner, you screamed when you bumped into someone.

A girl’s scream echoed just as loudly as yours in the big, empty wood, but you got ahold of yourself, literally with a hand over your wildly beating heart when you realized who you’d run into.

“Emily!” you uttered. The girl let out a breath of relief to see you too. You went to her and pulled her into a hug, and she hugged you back.

“Thank. God,” she said. Her voice sounded tight with emotion, and you held her a bit tighter.

“It’s okay,” you rubbed her back. “How long’ve you been out here?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, pulling away from you. “Couple of hours? Maybe longer.”

You nodded and expelled a breath. Poor thing looked tired. She didn’t even have any supplies with her. You gave her a protein bar from your backpack before you two started walking.

“So the good news is, we found each other. The bad news is, we’re still lost,” you said, counting each item on your fingers. “But the good news also is, I’ve only been walking for about…half an hour or so. I’m thinking we can mark trees or other landmarks as we pass them, like checking them off, so we know where we’ve been.”

Emily glanced at you with a smile. “You’re a checklist person, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely!” you agreed. “Checking things off is satisfying. But it’s also good just to take an inventory of where we’re at.”

You two kept walking for a while. Emily explained that she’d been following Luke, who took off by himself after giving her an ominous warning.

“There are some bad people on this trip. Want my advice? Get the hell out of here,” he’d said.

You frowned in concern. You’d felt that there was something fishy about that guy, pretty much from the moment he and Paige disappeared on that hike. Those newcomers he’d been hanging out with ever since, Tonya and Donno…maybe they had something to do with it.

They’d left camp today to go into town, claiming to check on the restaurant they owned and ran. But with everything now starting to come into perspective, you couldn’t take any piece of information at face value around here.

Suddenly, Emily stopped short.

“What’s…” Your words trailed as you followed her line of vision. There was a frilly pair of underwear on the ground.

That led to a hoodie strewn in the dirt and dead leaves. You continued on, until you found Mary, lying on her back on the cold ground. You and Emily gasped her name, but you moved first, dropping to your knees at Mary’s side. You pressed a hand to her cheek and found it cold.

You moved two fingers to the pulse point at her neck, but there was nothing. No life in her. Your mouth fell open in a silent, shocked cry.

“Mary? Honey, can you hear me?” you tried, shaking her shoulders. When she remained unresponsive, tears burned in your eyes and blurred your vision. You finally saw a dark patch of wet pooled out from under her body.

“Oh my God,” Emily said, voicing your thoughts. She was panicked. “Oh God, she’s…she’s…”

You turned to her and wanted to say, Don’t look.

You had briefly taught highschoolers before you became a college professor. You were used to looking out for your students, and as the adult here, you wanted to shield the teen from the sight of this, no matter how much your mind was spinning.

Before you could say anything, Emily fled the clearing with a scream.

“Emily!” you shouted after her. You glanced back at Mary in desperation, but you forced yourself onto your feet and ran after the girl.

You had slightly longer legs, but she was fast. You only caught up to her because she screamed louder, after running into Buck leading a horse through the woods. She grabbed onto him while you caught your breath behind her.

“What? What happened?” Buck asked. You laid a supportive hand on Emily’s shoulder, and she turned back to you with tearful eyes.

“Mary,” you managed, despite the coarseness in your voice. “She’s…”

This isn’t real, you thought. It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.

“She’s dead,” Emily finished for you. “Someone killed her.”

Buck’s eyes widened in shock. All he could say was…

“Show me.”

Buck brought Mary’s body back to camp on the back of his horse. The three of you walked in silence all the way there. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at her lifeless body. It was wrong. And if you did, you knew you’d collapse.

Emily was likely in shock as well. Her arm was looped through yours, though you weren’t sure who was steadying who.

Thanks to Carla, the police were already on the way to Sunny Day Excursions. When you reached the camp, Carla beelined for her daughter. Despite how happy she was to see her mom, Emily was a bit reluctant to let go of you, seeing how shaken you were, but you encouraged her wordless to go to her mother.

Carla pulled Emily into a tight hug, kissing the side of her head, and asked if she was all right. Emily just shook her head and pressed her face into her mom’s shoulder. Carla looked up at you with a relieved sigh.

“Thank you,” she said.

You gave her teary smile of your own. You couldn’t speak though, especially when Buck passed by with Mary still on the back of his horse. Sunny gasped and grabbed a blanket to cover the body with.

She then went to you, whispering, “You poor dear. Come ‘ere, sit by the fire.”

She covered your shoulders with another blanket and steered you to sit by the bonfire in the center of camp. You stayed there and stared at the flames. All the while, you didn’t feel the warmth. You didn’t feel the silent tears that slid down your face and dropped into your lap.

“Where’s Luke?” you heard Avery ask.

“That’s a good question,” said Sunny. She turned to her husband. “Buck?”

“I don’t know, but somebody better find him,” he replied grimly.

It was another hour before the police arrived.

You still hadn’t moved from your spot in front of the bonfire on a hard bench, but it was Cormack who gently asked you if you wanted to go back to your tent to relax until the police got around to talking to you about what happened.

You’d agreed, silently, and he helped you up. But you found that you could go no further than the couple of steps that brought you onto the platform outside of your tent. The tent you’d shared with Mary.

You couldn’t go in, and Cormack seemed to realize that. He helped you lower down to sit on the platform, with your dirty sneakers planted on the step below. He gave you a cup of hot tea as well, which you held with both hands and sipped slowly.

You only raised your head when you heard Emily’s voice exclaim in happiness. You watched her run to her father, the Sheriff. He welcomed his daughter into his arms and held her tight. Relief was painted all over his face. You heard the rumble of his voice asking her if she was all right. She just burrowed closer in the safety of his arms.

A blonde policewoman had come with him, along with a whole unit of officers. She went to question Buck and Sunny first, while Beau handled Emily, then Avery and Carla. It didn’t seem like a pleasant conversation, between the two men especially.

Don’t stare, you reminded yourself. You lowered your gaze to the dusty bottom stair between your feet. Your vision started to glaze over the longer you focused on that spot. You weren’t lost in thought. You were just…blank. This entire night still didn’t feel real.

Mary’s last words kept ringing through your mind…

“Look, I’m sorry for everything, okay?” she’d said. “I know I can be a brat sometimes…but we can talk more when I get back.”

You were interrupted from your reverie when two brown boots entered your line of vision. You looked up, and Beau Arlen was there to greet you with a look of sympathy. And yet, there was a professional set to his face that let you know you were about to be formally questioned about Mary’s death.

“Is that spot taken?” Beau asked, pointing to the space beside you on the platform. You shook your head and scooched over, so he could sit down. He sighed on his way there, greeting you with polite familiarity.

“Sheriff,” you nodded back. You set aside your mug of tea and crossed your arms, holding yourself against the chill.

You’d left the blanket by the bonfire, and your sweater had been stained with blood, after helping Buck set Mary’s body on the horse. You’d ripped the sweater off as soon as you got to camp, leaving you in just your undershirt.

“You need a jacket,” Beau remarked. He glanced back at your tent, as if he was wondering why you hadn’t gone inside to grab one. But his gaze was perceptive. Instead of asking, he shrugged out of his faux fur-lined leather jacket and draped it around your shoulders.

“Here, you can borrow this for now,” he said.

“Thank you,” you spoke in a small voice. You grasped one edge of the jacket and pulled it closer around you. It smelled like musky cologne and old leather.

Beau waved off his gesture of kindness.

“I hear you found my daughter in the woods and tried to get her back to camp,” he said. “Thank you for that.”

You glanced over at him, and tears once again shone in your eyes.

“I’m sorry she had to see…”

Beau’s gaze was heavy as he sighed and nodded again in agreement.

“I’m sorry you had to see it too,” he said. “And I’m sorry for your loss. For your friend.”

You took in a shuddering breath. New tears found familiar paths down your cheeks.

“Best friend, since college,” you said.

Beau took that in, before he asked you about the day’s events. You had to explain about Mary going missing first, then Emily, and finally Luke, who still hadn’t been found. You told everything you knew from your perspective.

When you were done, Beau reluctantly asked about the Mary and Luke situation. Your lips pursed, but your upset wasn’t at the sheriff. You knew he had to ask these questions.

“We argued about it,” you admitted. “Me and Mary. I warned her not to get involved with him, and the way Paige left camp was just one of many…but still, I should’ve been there. I shouldn’t have let her go into the woods alone! I should’ve gone with her!”

By the end, your whole body wracked with sobs. You covered your face with your hands to try and get some semblance of composure, but you just couldn’t keep it together.

“Okay, okay,” Beau said gently. He laid a hand on your back and rubbed back and forth. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I am.”

You sucked in a few tremulous breaths, sniffling. You looked up at him with red, watery eyes. He gave you a half smile.

“Sorry,” he repeated, this time for the endearment. “Like I said, got a bad habit of doin’ that.”

You shook your head with a weak curve of your lips, despite how your lower lip wobbled.

“It’s okay,” you said.

But it wasn’t. Nothing was.

You didn’t think you’d ever be okay again.

AN: 😥 I'm sorry about Mary, but I promise, it's all for a purpose, besides following canon. But let me know what you think! There will be much more of the reader and Beau in the next chapter, though you may not expect how their next meeting comes about...

Next Time:

“We’re gonna start here in a few minutes, but until then, you can take a seat,” said Tom. “There’s also coffee and cookies over there, if you like.”

Coffee. Coffee was warm, and it might settle your nerves and help you perk up a bit. You thanked him and went for the carafes on a small table in the back. You poured some coffee into a Styrofoam cup and poured a little sugar and creamer into it, but after you took an experimental sip, you immediately regretted it.

Tastes like damn soil water! You made a grossed out sound and spat it back into your cup.

“Yeah, wouldn’t recommend the joe,” drawled a familiar voice.

You turned sharply to find Sheriff Beau Arlen.

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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musclesandhammering · 3 years ago

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Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

#antisylki #loki meta #kinda #loki series critical #loki series negativity #anti loki x sylvie #anti loki series #anti sylvie #frosty bby #loki deserved better #I don’t even like TVA!Loki tho so I guess it doesn’t matter with him lmao #tva loki #loki laufeyson

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that-bl-bitch · 2 years ago

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Getting To Know Your Tumblr Mutuals

Rules: Answer the questions and @ some people. Include the tag ‘g2ky BL mutuals 2022’ on your post so we can find everyone’s answers.

I was tagged by: @ommited-miscellaneously

What have been BLs that took you by surprise this year?

Love In The Air: I wasn’t expecting to love this show AT ALL I thought it was going to be manageable to get through but I had know idea this was going to one of of my favorite shows of 2022, now I will say ep 1 wasn’t my fav it reminded me of 2017/2018 BL and I didn't like it i thought that was going to be the vibe of the whole show but in between ep 1 and 2 I got oddly really excited about it coming on and I don't even know what changed cause it's not like I saw a episode that changed my mind it was when it wasn't on that I started to like it for some reason so from ep 2 and on I was always excited to watch the new episode, and obviously the special episode goes without mentioning,,,,,god

Ghost Host Ghost House: I don’t like supernatural BLs very much so I was a bit wary going in, cause I didn’t know how the ghost situation was going to be, if plume was going to be a ghost or Kevin idk, I didn’t want a 'fall in love with a ghost' storyline but when it was revealed that the family was a ghost I was a bit more interested and I enjoyed the lore of the ghost/ ghost world so I stuck around but with one foot out the door I started this show and I planned on dropping it I just never planned on finishing it I didn’t put it on my Mdl but honestly I kept watching it cause I forgot that I was supposed to drop it and then episode 4 changed the game after episode 4 I was a goner everything on was so good

What have been BLs that you felt a bit disappointed with this year?

Physical Therapy: this show was unbelievably bad, it sucked so much it made no sense it was boring nothing was happening I hated the entire experience

Check Out: horrible there were whole lotta unnecessary storylines going on, unnecessary messiest and not the good kind, scenes felt like they always went on for too long and it just felt like everyone was doing the same thing over and over again and it definitely had more episodes than it needed to have

What has been your favorite BLs this year?

Love In The Air

Old Fashion Cupcake

To Sir With Love

My Only 12%

The Eclipse

I don’t want to explain why these were some of the best shows I watched this year cause I’m doing a official fav 2022 list but just know these are on there and these are like the TOP TOP tier of the shows I watched this year, I don’t want to reveal my whole list but these are the ones that I feel deserves to be mention as the BEST of the BEST

Favorite BL couples (not just 2022) *I'm doing couples that I got really obsessed with in 2022 in particularly*

JimmySea

KhaoFirst

MosBank

MileApo

What's your Non-BL favorite this year?

More Than Words

Two People Who Can’t Fall In Love

I'm Tagging: @whiterabbit71188 @listeningwithearphones @mvskhiyyih @thisautistic no pressure :)

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miyagihawk · 4 years ago

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“best friend” | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

a/n: his hair is blue in the gif but red in the story :) also this is a bit long but i love it this is one of my favs

warnings: mentions of violence and cheating, swearing

summary: your boyfriend cheated on you and your best friend hawk is there for you

word count: 4207

You should’ve known. It couldn’t have been more obvious.

The way that he doesn’t let you see what’s on his phone. How he never takes you out anymore. The emotional distance you feel when he kisses you. It’s like he’s not even in the same room when you’re together.

Even with all the signs and evidence, your heart still broke like glass when you saw them together. Your boyfriend Danny and the girl that he always assured you was only his “best friend”, locking lips on his bed.

You had come to Danny’s house because he cancelled plans with you, claiming that he was sick. So you decided to surprise him with cookies that you baked, but he ended up having quite a surprise for you too.

The window of his room gave you a perfect view of the scene, and it was almost like you were meant to see it. Like he wanted you to see it. You stood in front of his house for what seemed like forever, trying to figure it out if it was real.

You tried d to rack your brain for excuses as to why he would do it. But there weren’t any. He was simply cheating on you.

Your heart physically hurt as your brain settled on that fact and you threw the plate of cookies on his lawn in defeat. Not caring if the noise made him look out the window, you began the walk back to your house with blurry vision from your tears.

But on the way there, you passed the house of your best friend Hawk. Seeking comfort from your heartbreak, you made your way to his window that you’ve always used as an entrance when you two hang out.

His light was on and you could hear his music, so you knocked on the glass with the rhythm you both made up to let him know that’s it’s you.

You waited as the music stopped and Hawk pulled back the curtains to reveal you. His red hair was down and framing his face in the way you like it. You’re the only person he allows to see him like that, and that fact always warms your heart.

Hawk looked happy to see you, but his smile dropped when he saw your tear stained cheeks and he quickly opened up the window. Helping you get in, he asked, “Y/N, what happened? Are you okay?”

You stood awkwardly in front of him, playing with your fingers. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to tell Hawk. He’s always hated Danny, and Hawk isn’t the most peaceful of creatures.

You didn’t say anything and just buried your face into his chest. You started to cry again, feeling safe in his arms as he held you tightly.

He led you to the bed to sit you down and let you cry it out in his warm embrace. He was worried about you, he’s never seen you like this; but he wouldn’t force you to talk. So for 15 minutes, Hawk ran his fingers through your hair comfortingly as you calmed down from your sobs.

“I’m sorry,” you spoke for the first time, smoothing down your hair. His shirt was filled with your tear stains, but he really couldn’t care less. He just wanted you to be okay.

“Don’t be sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” he said softly. He had a feeling about why you were crying, and he felt anger starting to bubble in his stomach.

You contemplated for a moment, not knowing if you should tell him. You knew Hawk. He would seek revenge on your behalf and it would end in blood.

But he would also find out anyways. If not from seeing Danny at school with the other girl, then he would probably put the pieces together if you told him that you broke up.

The only difference in the outcomes would be that right now you’re in control of how he finds out and you could possibly convince him to leave the situation alone.

“I-It’s Danny,” you breathed, feeling queasy about your decision.

You saw something flash in Hawk’s eyes and his fist tightened at the mention of your (ex) boyfriend’s name. “What did that fucker do,” he said, with a frightening, calm anger.

“Just... Don’t get mad, okay?” you stuttered. You could almost feel the change in the air just from the two words you spoke. Hawk unclenched his jaw and nodded, trying to be calm for you.

“I went to his house, and that was before I came here. And... I saw him with...,” your voice quavered as tears started blurring your vision again. It hurt to say it out loud and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.

Hawk abruptly stood up from beside you, and through your tear filled eyes, you could see the rage on his face. “I’m killing him,” was all he said, as he moved around the room to get his keys and jacket.

You stood up when he got to the door, and you pulled on his arm to make him stop. “Hawk, please. Stop,” you cried, but he was determined to make Danny hurt the way you were hurt. He wanted to hurt him more.

“That asshole was lucky to even have you look at him, Y/N. He’s fucking dead,” Hawk spit, taking his arm from you and making his way to the front door.

“Hawk! Just- stop. Stop! He isn’t worth it. Can you just stay here with me?” you whimpered, and at that moment his face fell. “Just stay, please. I need you.”

You saw the conflict on his face; the pity for you and his hatred for the boy who broke you. But with you in front of him, with puffy eyes and a cute red nose, he knows there’s no way he can leave.

The rest of the night, Hawk took care of you. He ordered in pizza from your favorite place and watched your favorite Disney movie with you, even though he always called it lame. His jokes made you laugh uncontrollably as if you hadn’t just gotten cheated on hours earlier. As always, your best friend was there to save the day.

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he said quietly as he played with your hair. It was already 1 am and you were both laying on his bed. You were exhausted from the day’s events; the thought of school the next day, especially seeing Danny, made you want to throw up.

“You were right,” you whispered, closing your eyes. Hawk had always been wary of Danny, and he often let you know it.

“Well, you see the best in everyone,” you felt the vibration of his voice from his chest, where you rested your head.

“What do you mean?” you looked up at him, struggling to read his face in the dark. His face was turned towards the ceiling in deep thought.

Hawk cleared his throat. “You see the good in people... and that’s my favorite thing about you. But sometimes you’re just so blind to the bad,” he explained.

You stayed quiet, thinking about his words and not really knowing how to interpret them. He continued, “I guess I’m trying to say that you’re different from normal people; you see through rose colored glasses. You dated that scumbag because you’re so loving that you saw the good in him, even if there’s fucking barely any.”

You laughed at the remark, then let him go on. “Even with me. I do shit that make people hate me. I throw punches that I regret and start fights that make me a horrible person in other people’s eyes. But you don’t really think of me like that, no matter how much I mess up. You’re the only person in my life who doesn’t see me as my fuck ups,” Hawk poured his heart out. “But I promise, I would never take advantage of you like him. Just keep living in your little world, alright? Don’t let him ruin that.”

You were left speechless. He had never said something so heartfelt to you and you wanted to cry at how sweet it was. You’ve never really thought about his view of you, but you guess it’s true. Sometimes your blind optimism gets you hurt, but you’re thankful that it helped you find your best friend. Yes, he’s not an angel, but if you listened to what everyone was saying about him, then you two would be strangers.

“I love you Hawk,” was all you said, and you kissed his cheek before cuddling into his side. He returned a kiss into your hair before the both of you drifted off into peaceful sleep.

The brightness of the sun woke you up from your dreams, and it took you a minute to adjust your eyes. Memories of yesterday flooded back, but you didn’t really feel sad.

The new day gave you a new perspective. You were grateful that you caught Danny, because if you didn’t, you might’ve never known. It still hurt that he betrayed you; you did love him. But wallowing in sadness would give him too much credit. He was a shit boyfriend and you vowed to cry no more tears over him.

The bed was empty, with no trace of your red haired best friend. In his place was a piece of paper with what you recognized as Hawk’s terrible handwriting.

‘Good morning you terrible snorer. Just kidding you didn’t snore. That loud. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up for school, you looked really tired and I think you should just have the day for yourself. I have karate later so you don’t have to wait for me, but you can stay if you want. There’s more ice cream in the freezer. Love you. -H’

You smiled as you read it, feeling thankful for how caring Hawk was. You were dreading going to school and facing Danny, but you would’ve forced yourself to go anyways. Hawk probably knew that, so he gave you no choice.

The first part of the day you did some therapeutic cleaning, picking up the pizza boxes and trash from last night.

Then you explored around his room, even though you’ve been in it a thousand times. You went through the comics he used to read and you tried playing his video games, but you didn’t know how to turn it on.

You were already bored by the second hour of being alone, so you decided to head to your own house to freshen up.

‘I went home, I’ll see you tomorrow? Thank you for everything, I don’t know what I would do without you. Also I’ll buy you more ice cream lol I finished it’ you typed a text to Hawk as you walked home, smiling to yourself.

After a relaxing day alone of face masks and dancing to Lizzo, you were prepared to go to school the next day. You really appreciated that Hawk made you stay home; you needed this time to reflect on everything. You don’t need some boy who doesn’t give you the time of day, when you have Hawk.

As you got ready to go to school, you felt like a bad bitch, and you looked like one. No one would ever guess that you’ve just been through a breakup. The heartbreak didn’t last long; you just felt like you’ve dropped some unneeded weight.

You got to school, but Hawk wasn’t waiting at the front for you as usual. It was weird, because he never said anything about missing class. You figured he was just running late.

But when he never showed up to your shared first period class, it made you worry.

‘Hey, did you not go to school today? Everything good?’ you sent him a quick text as you walked through the halls to your next class.

You were feeling anxious, a contrast from your earlier confidence. You didn’t think you’d be alone today and now you really didn’t want to see Danny without Hawk by your side.

But as if you summoned him and the universe hated you, your cheating ex boyfriend was coming from the other end of the hall. Your eyes met at the exact same moment and you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t.

A black eye adorned his face, matched with a bruised jaw and a wounded lip.

His eyes frantically searched around you as if he was looking for someone. He looked scared.

Suddenly, your brain put all of the puzzle pieces together and you came to a realization. Hawk did this, and he wasn’t at school because he probably got suspended.

Danny tried to move past you, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the hallway. He didn’t meet your eyes as you stood in front of him.

“Danny... what happened?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer.

You didn’t know how to feel. You know you should be angry that Hawk didn’t listen to you, but you felt no pity towards the boy in front of you.

Danny scoffed. “You know what happened. Your little boyfriend started the fight, saying shit about how I don’t deserve you and I’m a cheating asshole.”

You rolled your eyes. “One, he’s not my boyfriend. Two, he’s right, you don’t deserve me. And three, you are a cheating asshole. You said Emily was just your friend, but I should’ve known. I saw you,” you snapped, but he shook his head and laughed.

“You don’t see it, do you? That you’re just as guilty as me?” Danny sneers.

“What?” you blink in confusion.

“Oh come on Y/N. You were always his. It was him first, and then me. But he was just your “best friend”, right? Don’t act all innocent, when anyone can see that you have feelings for him.”

Your mouth falls open slightly at his words, and he continues, “Look I’m sorry that it went down like this, but you should be with him. We’re just not meant for each other and it’s obvious that you love him more than you’ve ever loved me. And he loves you too. Otherwise I wouldn’t be looking like this. We’re fine, alright? Goodbye Y/N.”

Danny gives you a tight lipped smile before leaving, but you’re left staring into space, speechless. You didn’t expect anything he just told you and you don’t even know if you believe it.

Is he right? Do you love Hawk, like that? You’ve felt like the victim the whole time, but you never would’ve thought that Danny felt like one too.

You began to feel guilty, looking back on the relationship at times when you would leave dates with Danny to pick up Hawk when he’s in trouble. When you would choose to sleepover at Hawk’s house instead of Danny’s because he had a breakdown. And when sometimes you’re a little bit too affectionate with your best friend, but you’ve always excused it as platonic even though his forehead kisses gave you butterflies.

Maybe you really weren’t all that innocent.

Maybe you did love Hawk more than Danny, and maybe you’re only just now realizing it.

The pattern of the knocking at your window made your stomach turn.

You’re not sure if you’re ready to face Hawk after your revelation, because after thinking on it for the rest of the day, all signs pointed to him. Every single thing Danny said was right.

You love Hawk.

The only thing you aren’t sure of is how Danny said he loves you too. You’ve always thought that Hawk sees you as a little sister and strictly as a best friend, which is why he’s so protective. The possibility that confessing your feelings could ruin your relationship created a conflict within you.

You opened your window and there he was. He had a gash right above his brow, presumably from Danny, but he didn’t look half as bad as the boy he beat up.

You saw Hawk in a different light as he stood like Romeo before you. It was as if the realization of your feelings for him made his eyes look more beautiful and his lips look softer, and you no longer had to faithfully push those thoughts away.

“Hey,” was all he said, as he stumbled in through the sill into your room. His hair was down again, because he knew you liked it like that and he hoped it would help you not be too mad at him.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly, walking back to sit on your bed where he followed. He sat close to you so that your shoulders were touching, and even though he’s been closer, it made you feel lightheaded.

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I know you said to leave it alone, but he hurt you, and I needed to-”

“I’m not mad,” you interrupted his nervous rambling.

“Oh,” his shoulders relaxed, but his fingers were still nervously tapping on his knees.

There’s a weird silence between you two, and it was out of the ordinary that you didn’t have something to talk about.

“Are you alright?” you finally looked at him for the first time since you both sat down.

You don’t know what compelled you to do it, but you lifted up your hand to lightly trace your fingers along his brow where the cut was. His ocean eyes were on you as you did it, but you felt nervous to meet them.

“I’m fine. Did you see him?” Hawk said in a light tone, smiling as you touched his skin.

You let out a quiet laugh. “Yes. Nice work,” you mused.

You pulled your hand away from his face, but he grabbed it before you could put it down. He moved your hand back to his skin, releasing millions of butterflies in your stomach. “I like it,” he said, and you only nodded.

“So how long are you out for?” you questioned, referring to his suspension.

“Three days,” he mumbled, eyes closing in relaxation as you started touching his hair. You sighed in response. “It was worth it though.”

He still had his eyes shut when you put down your hand and wrapped your arms around him. He blinked in surprise, then held you closer. “Thank you. You’re the only one who would take a punch for me,” you said, pouring gratitude into the embrace.

“I don’t think that’s true, but you’re welcome,” he rested his head in the crook of your shoulder and you felt his hair tickle your ear. “It was for me too, you know? I hated his guts.”

You responded with a hum of understanding, still grasping onto him like he could leave any moment.

He pulled back from you enough to see your face, and he looked concerned while he tried to read you. “What’s wrong?”

You really underestimated how much he knows you, because he sensed your anxiety even though you tried to mask it.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you offered a smile, but he wasn’t convinced.

“Did you talk to him?” he asked, rubbing soft circles on your hand. He knew you were thinking about something and he wanted you to open up, but he was always delicate with it.

You just nodded, feeling your palms getting sweaty. Talking about your conversation with Danny would bring up what he said about you and Hawk, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to spill your heart yet. You internally cursed at yourself for not hiding your emotions well enough.

“Did he say shit to you? I swear if-”

“No. We just... talked,” you cut him off. You prayed that he would leave the topic, but he didn’t.

“What about?” he pressed, making you feel hot from nerves.

“Uh... I just asked him about what happened,” you answered, but there was no way he couldn’t hear the shake in your voice.

“Then what’s bothering you? You can talk to me Y/N,” he said softly, a worried look in his eyes. You felt bad keeping secrets from him, because that’s something you never did.

“Promise me we’ll always be best friends,” your voice shook, making his face twist up in confusion.

“What? Of course. Hey, nothing could change that alright?” he looked at you with his soft eyes.

You swallowed, feeling a bit better by his reassurance.

“He- He just said some things that made me think about... us. And I was blind to it, but- he’s right. Well he’s right about me, I don’t really know how you feel, but now I’m just so confused- and for some reason him cheating on me felt justified in a way? I-” you rambled anxiously, until Hawk stopped your frenzy of word vomit.

“Woah, woah, slow down Y/N... just... what? What is he right about? And how could that be justified? There’s no excuse for what he did Y/N,” his voice raised at the mere thought of Danny gaslighting you into thinking that somehow you deserved to be cheated on.

“No- I- I know it was shitty but... Hawk,” you took a deep breath to prepare yourself for your confession. “I think I cheated too. But not like him. I- I cheated emotionally,” you spit the words out, not only admitting it to him, but also to yourself.

The red haired boy’s face was blank in confusion as he processed what you had just said. “Y/N what the fuck are you talking about?”

You struggled to reach his eyes while you carefully tried to think through your answer. You felt like if you looked at him you would simply melt, but maybe in this case it would be a good thing.

He put his hand gently under your chin to tilt your face towards his, forcing you to meet his blue, puzzled eyes. You wanted to burst into tears under his gaze, because you had no idea what to do.

Hiding your feelings could ruin your friendship. Confessing has the same chance. So which are you supposed to choose?

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I love you. I love you so fucking much Y/N and that’s forever. Nothing you say or do could change that,” Hawk said, rubbing your hand comfortingly. He thought you were hesitating in telling him because you were afraid of his judgment.

Those three words. They felt different this time. They made you more dizzy. More fluttery. The way he said it was the same as all the other times, but the way it made you feel was just so different.

It gave you such a high that you decided to take a leap of faith before you could fully think it through. A leap that you know deep down was always going to happen, even if it looked like there were two choices. You could regret it, but you just jumped.

“I love you. I mean, I’m in love with you, Eli. I’ve always been in love with you.”

You felt like you needed to run away right as you said it, as if the words were a bomb that you didn’t want to see the aftermath of. You didn’t want to see the outcome because you were afraid it would just leave you devastated.

Eli.

His mouth slightly fell open at the use of his old name, next to your piercing confession.

For some reason it slipped out of your mouth, but it felt right. You’ve probably said it five times ever since “Hawk” was born, but it was only used in serious conversations. Like when you comforted him after his dad died. Or when you were so worried about him when he ran away from home for a week.

“I’m so sorry, Eli,” you said, after hearing the news.

“I missed you so much, Eli, never fucking do that again,” you cried into his shoulder when he showed up at your door.

It was like a code between the two of you that you were being nothing but genuine.

Hawk sat in shock in front of you, and you swore you could actually see the escalation of thoughts running through his head.

“Maybe it took an asshole like Danny to make me realize it, but he was right. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you... and I knew that, but it’s just how it’s always been. I thought we would go through life together but be with other people, even though I would always put you first. I thought that it was just an us thing, you know? Best friends. But I just- I realized that I don’t even need anyone else. I only need you,” you scanned his eyes for a moment before continuing. “I know I won’t love anyone else like I love you. And- and god, I’m just pouring my heart out and I don’t even know how you feel... I’m sorry if this is too much.”

He stared at you, stunned, and you heard your heart pounding in your chest violently as you waited for him to say something.

But instead of speaking, you felt the softness of his lips on yours before you could think another thought.

a/n: wow i think that was the longest thing i have ever written and i wasn’t sure if i was going to end it like that :0 anyways hope u enjoyed love u all!

#eli moskowitz #hawk cobra kai #cobra kai imagine #cobra kai #cobra kai x reader #eli moskowitz imagine #eli moskowitz x reader #hawk imagine #hawk x reader #cobrakai

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