#I love making personality crisis characters so much <333< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[thatonegayspacerock]

ITS HIM

ITS MY LITTLE LOSER OF A GUY

EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS ABSOLUTELY NO NAME SAD MF IN MELLY’S STYLE

<3333

“donn too many hats and you’ll eventually only recognize the static in the mirror”

fangram art? fangram art!… of arguably the most mysterious guy in it!

alt version and more rambling below this yayyyyyyy vvvvvvvv

The quote at the start is something I made up to write for the runes until I learned they literally just say “milgram (number)th prisoner” officially. However I am NOT letting it go to waste so I’m throwing it in here. Maybe it can be a puzzle piece to this guy’s story ;3

Sooooo I’ve been on the greatest brainrot revolving around my friends and I’s fangram the last few days, which resulted in this. I might try to draw the rest of the cast eventually.

In a nutshell, Desegram is a (heavily wip) project with the main milgram principles of voting forgiven/unforgiven on multiple cases of murder, all while also taking into account how far voters are willing to go to enforce accountability and consequences.

Wanna learn about this dude? Erm. His name is Roan or at least he thinks that’s what it is. No more info for now tho. Lol. Maybe later if we get this thing off the ground. Special thanks to Planet for making him for me during Art Fight last year tho. We both know how much of a blast we had characterizing him 😭

Alt version of the art with his specific color bc idk which version I liked better😭😭😭 the static one is better for the symbolism ig

[louthestarspeaker]

it's almost 1am here's my essay about Dal and captainhood <333

I hath promised a Dal essay and I hath delivered… 

I've had this in the drafts for so long, but I just rewatched season two and it really allowed me to solidify a lot of my thoughts.

One of things that really strikes me about Dal's character and his relationship to command is that being in charge is a place of safety for him. He's had to be self-reliant and self-sufficient pretty much his whole life until the Protostar. It's something that was engraved into him since he was small, that the only person Dal could really depend on was himself.

And because he was never around anyone who actually cared about him until the Protostar, that was the right thing to do. This need to be in charge, to be in control really, is a learned survival skill. "I can tell you from experience, people in authority lie."

But in season two, his circumstances have changed (for the better!), and that's not the right thing to do anymore. Ultimately, to me, Dal's season two character arc is about vulnerability and trust. He's been in survival mode for so, so long, and now we watch him learn to heal.

You start with this boy who's spent the grand majority of his life alone or with people who are exploiting him, and the story takes him by the hand and tells him "now that you're safe, now that you have people who care about you, you can't live like that anymore."

All throughout season one he learns trust. Trust in his crew, in Hologram Janeway, in the Federation and in Starfleet as institutions that can and will help him and his newfound family. But as a captain,when he was guiding his crew through active crisis after crisis, trust looked like open doors. It looked like laying out all the variables and problems on a table so they could figure a way out together. 

Trust looks very different on the Voyager-A. It asks him to have faith in what he's not seeing, what he's not being told. He has to believe that they have his best interests at heart, that he's not trusting his family to something that will try to hurt them. 

Captainhood isn't just bossing people around for Dal. It's the responsibility of holding the lives of the people he loves in his hands. He trusts his own hands. He has the best interest of his crew at heart. 

To ask Dal to relinquish control, is to ask him to place the lives of himself and his family into someone else's hands. Which, historically, has not gone great for them. It prods directly at his trauma, asks him to take undo and ignore the survival instincts that kept them alive for so long. Is it any wonder he has trouble with that?

Dal's not going around crawling through Jeffries Tubes because he's a brat or because he thinks he's entitled to know everything. He's a traumatized kid whose self-sufficiency, independence, and ability to make his own decisions were once, for a very long time, the literal line between life and death for him and his crew.

And even if he trusts Starfleet and Janeway in his head on a logical level (which I absolutely believe he does), there's still this instinct that's written into him. It's a process to learn how and when to turn that off, and that's what we see especially throughout the first half of season two. 

This really culminates in the cafeteria scene after they return with the Protostar and Chakotay, when Dal advocates for the Starfleet temporal management guys to figure out a way to get the Protostar back to Tars Lamora. Dal was able to see that his hands weren't the best ones for the job, and trust Gwyn's life to someone else. That's huge for him. He trusts not just a person, but a branch of an institution he's never interacted with before, with one of the people that mean the very most to him. And Dal's able to give up that control, to place himself and his crew in that position of potential vulnerability, because he's finally started to feel it in his bones that he's safe here.

[car-o-line]

HAYYYYY <333

Can you do tbhk characters with a female reader that is OBSESSED with ghosts & other creatures like mares ghouls etc..

Also the reader listens to alternative songs and her style is alternative

Sorry to add something but the reder is like so obsessed with tsukasa and gore :D

If its not a problem !

Anyways..

I LOVE U SOOO MUCH BYEE <333

Don’t worry about adding on things!!! Long requests are fun to do🤭 AND UR SO SWEET OMG I LOVE YOU MOREEEE💖💖💖

TBHK characters with a ghost obsessed fem!reader

Nene Yashiro:

Two opposite and I cannot stretch that enough.

She thought you were going through a mid-life crisis-

She’ll definitely be intimidated by you at first, but at the same time she thinks you look so cool!

When she was in the midst of the whole apparition thing she probably thought, “Oh Y/n would really like this! Somehow..?”

Doesn’t understand why you like Tsukasa so much.

Even Hanako doesn’t(?) really like him that much.

She would keep you updated on the latest rumors, if you already aren’t that is.

She loves you but you gotta chill on the scary stuff.

Hanako:

“I don’t know Hanako..your brother might better than you.😔”

“Ma’am, what did you just say?🧍‍♂️”

Look him dead in the eye and say that again.

He’d be like that one girl when she said “I have never yelled at a girl like this”😭

But excluding that..he thinks you’re awesome!

He thinks your obsession with gore is erm, odd but it totally happens to the best of us..right?

Right?

Definitely like’s that you like apparitions and ghosts because he can show you all those sorts of things!!

Like wooooow you wanna see a spider guy????

Give him a kiss and he’ll show you😘😘😘

Will ask to switch clothes with you to see how you both look in different styles-

Minamoto Kou:

He loves you, truly, dearly, sincerely, whole heartedly, please do not search “gore art tutorials” on his computer(Teru definitely checks his search history)

Might ask about your personal life after that.

He likes your aesthetic! And your taste in music..well most of it.

Sometimes you send him a playlist for him when he’s cooking and it was all about cannibalism.

He blocked you for a good 4 minutes🫶

He takes pride in how interested you are in his exorcism.

Like you think he’s cool AND you interested in ghost??

Will convince you Tsukasa is not that chill.

Honestly he gets nervous around you sometimes and it’s not because he’s flustered.

Swore to himself to never piss you off.

Sousuke Mitsuba:

Oh buddy this isn’t even funny, he’ll bully the hell outta you.

He thinks ur an emo.

But it’s okay!! Just reminder him how cool he looked when he almost ate a heart and then he’ll run away!!

It’s like Mitsuba pepper spray, just reminder him of bad memories and you won’t have to deal with him for a peaceful 5 hours.

When he noticed how much you liked Tsukasa he quite literally slapped you.

And perhaps called you some sort of slur(he didn’t know it WAS a slur)

“LISTEN HERE YOU ##########”

He lost all respect for you.

Probably doesn’t care about your obsession with ghosts just leave him out of it-

You and Tsukasa will make him a sacrifice for said ghost.

Nanamine Sakura:

The first time she saw you she almost thought you came from another school.

But ya didn’t sooo?

Anywho she’s not too surprised when she found out the whole gore thing.

I like to think she’ll send you horrific gore videos in hopes you’ll be disgusted and drop the whole subject immediately(you don’t)

On a more positive note she absolutely understands your obsession with ghost and ghouls.

She’ll definitely recommend you movies ONLY if you recommend her songs you like.

Omg plz do not start with the Tsukasa thing she will die right then and there.

She thought you were smarter than that.

Will probably steal some of your clothing, she thinks it looks cool.

In the end she thinks ur crazy but cute🙏

Yugi Tsukasa:

Oh would you look at that!

Congratulations, you’re his new partner in crime!

It almost seems too good to be true for him actually.

But he doesn’t care because he has suddenly thought of a thousand ways to spend time with you.

He would force you to join the broadcast club but you didn’t mind much.

He’d definitely want you and him to uhm… experiment with the Mokke…

And if you do then you’re locked in with him.

And as for your little obsession, he’s obsessed you too now!

Though he’s obsessed with Amane more, he declared that you’re second on his “obsession list.”

So don’t be alarmed when you wake with a random apparition head on your nightstand<3

[gildeddlily]

finally re-reading stormbringer, first post of a long list (30 photos limit go die) we stan the flags

I read stormbringer this summer, and it was something (it destroyed me and made Chuuya became my favourite character of all bsd- more than anyone else (like sigma, he's my fav in the decay of angels arc), chuuya solos everyone and you know it shut up)

so, like I did with fifteen I feel the urge to share everything cause yeah we all need to suffer more

1. We Stan The Flags

This always makes me laugh, cause Chuuya's like "yeah, it's probably the shadiest and most dangerous role I could have as a non-executive, what's so important ab it? It's cool guys I'm not better than you all" (imposter syndrome sir)

I love Pianoman. I just- I love the Flags, and I will always fantasize ab a world where they're still alive. and them bullying chuuya is my favourite trope alr.

and i just know that in a no powers au chuuya would have been the kind of teenager to befriends people older than him like ten years age gap, cause people his age just weren't for him (in an healthy way guys)

try to not think ab chuuya's inability to accept gifts and love, and just some of the most powerful men in the mafia being excited ab a silly guy (silly chuuya who's stronger than half of them(gotta write chuuya and iceman first meeting))

the... the fruitiness of this sentence is menacing so I'm gonna- just yk

the au where Chuuya takes Lippman place ad the mafia's contact with the light is so beautiful and sad. and that fic where he takes chuuya on set I'm crying stop it

canon chuuya is so mean. Like not mean, just harsh. a lot of people only sees him as someone who gets mad at Dazai and is a peace of cake with everyone else- like no? he send to hell every person he talks to and goes on with "wanna know the power of gravity" every two seconds. he's just chuuya, gotta accept him as our little mass murder with anger issues that needs to be controlled cause the Mafia boss is afraid he's gonna die if he doesn't <333

and this is so beautiful in a way. he always talks ab killing dazai and dazai doesn't help with that, only giving him more reasons to do so, and same with the flag. anger issues maybe, but is he really angry with dazai and the others? we see him really mad, and it is not a pretty thing to watch- and they all know what mad chuuya really looks like and just know when he's yes angry but not really. everyone is ready to fight, and are relieved when things dont escalate (they love chuuya so much stop please)

they comfort him in a way that is heartwarming. they don't offer him useless words or things like "don't worry you have a past and you're human", they don't beat around the bush. Pianoman's like "hey, we know you don't know if you're human, and I'm gonna be super harsh ab it cause we're in the mafia and all of that but listen kid, here we are ab to solve your existential crisis"

even Iceman, the cold blooded hitman who almost killed chuuya a couple of times and was ab to try it five minutes before this, is fucking smiling. they're so happy to help him it hurts (just know iceman called him kid at least some times. he's the real big brother and I just know it)

yes, this is the first time chuuya has real friends- not kids he has to look after and protect without receiving gratitude but just a "it's the least you can do" attitude, not whatever-the-fuck-is-going-on with dazai, just friends. they spend time sìtogether, they give eachother gifts. they're kind with eachother in the ways the know how

an chuuya doesn't know what to do, cause he has never had this type of relationship with anyone, the "give-receive" mechanism that every relationship should have. he doesn't know what to do, and I need to hug him

and then the gag we needed and something I need to draw (Pianoman definitely is the tired mom. Iceman is the dad cause yeah who other. Chuuya and Albatross the sons, Doc the gay emo cousin (what do you mean you wish to be carried by Adam sir) and Lippman the sassy aunt. just see it)

he kind of is sir (he's fucking sixteen just kill me)

something I love ab him is the fact that he's emotionally constipated but like one of the less serious one. he knows that he can be easy to read since he's very open ab his emotions (even if they understand he could just kill everyone, so), but can be serious in a way a teenager shouldn't be able to. he chooses to be so open with dazai, the flags and the people he cares about. the trust king fr

they all know he's gonna come back (and that he's crying) cause he probably wanted them to, or he would have reacted worse to getting understood so easily

and this is the trope asagiri give us so many times and the best one in the history of tropes. bad scary guys having fun with some other bad scary guys and enjoying their time together like normal people.

...kafka, my love, stop it. you were doing do good

[dreamsndmadness]

hellooo!!!(sorry in advance for all of the rambling)

first of all, im absolutely gushing from all of the soft moments in ch9: feyd nearly crying from being cared for, paul helping feyd with his nightmares, and feyd being protective/caring in both the breakfast scene and throughout the spice field inspections :333. It was all VERY adorable and paul finally being unhesitating about his sexual relationship with feyd and them communicating (both implicitly with paul reading feyds body language and explicitly with paul making feyd ask for what he wants), it's all very rewarding in general :)

Also, ive just been thinking nonstop about all the stuff going on with paul. so, my first theory about pauls exhaustion was because he was staying up because of feyds nightmares waking up but then i re-read it and saw paul was tired even before they shared a bed, and then i remembered that lack of sleep is a common symptom of pregnancy so thats my leading theory rn, that OR paul is staying up late reading lol. im also so interested in what paul and lady jessica are plotting, they mentioned controlling feyd and learning more about him in the beginning and then theres the date palm scene. I remember in the movies that date palms are definitely on arrakis so my first thought was that feyd was being a paranoid little freak about it but then i thought lady jessica might be trying to assess pauls health or something?? its safe to say im super hyped for the paul POV

sorry about the length and INCREDIBLY half formed theories

( •̀ - •́ ) ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

The wonderful bowl100!!

I love your questions ☺️. Omg yay!!! I’m so glad you liked the chapter. I always have a crisis of confidence when I post new chapters 🙃. Yesss. The softness. Feyd cutting the fruit and making sure Paul eats was one of my favorite moments from the chapter. It’s so hard to write moments of tenderness from him without it seeming out of character. And then he can never be honest with himself about why he’s doing things or why certain things are making him feel certain ways. Man. This guy. Feyd used his words FINALLY!!! And yes!! I’m so happy for Paul. Starting to enjoy himself. It’s so important.

Okee so here’s what I can say. You aren’t wrong about any of your guesses per say. It’s been such a joy to write from Paul’s pov because he’s a much more emotionally evolved person so I can write him being like “ah yes. This is making me feel this way!”. So one of the biggest reasons for Paul’s exhaustion is that he has been having dreams. Some of them good, some of them pretty disturbing. And yes, we will be seeing them in the next chapter. He is also (not really a spoiler cause it’s in the tags) pregnant! Another big reason! That’s going to be a plot point of the next chapter as well.

Lol the date palm scene!! You’re right on both counts. Feyd is being a paranoid little freak. He’s like “they are speaking in code!!” No you weirdo, they are talking about date palms. However, I am going to give him a little credit because he did pick up on the weird energy of the scene which is basically due to Jessica trying to draw Paul out of his funk. She’s worried about him and thinks he’s not doing well, and she’s trying to cheer him up and also trying to subtly (probably too subtly) signal to Feyd to do the same. Which he kinda gets! Cause he then invites Paul to come with him on inspection and Jessica is like “thank fucking god you are so fucking dense”. To Feyd. Not Paul. Paul can do no wrong in Jessica’s eyes lol.

Anyway! All of your theories were pretty spot on and perceptive!!! Sorry it took so long for me to respond 😔. I’ve been sick this week and it’s been a struggle. I have most of Paul’s chapter finished (it’s sitting at 5,500 words right now 😀). And I hope to edit and post tomorrow!!

Thank you as always for your lovely questions. I look at your wonderful art every day 🥹.

All the best 🫶.

[nerdyenby]

DR pt2 reactions (spoilers)

Episode 11

Opening scene hypeeeeeee!!!!! Love seeing them all work together, there’s definitely been a soft timeskip with Arin and Sora’s costume upgrades and how well they fit together

Lloyd’s handling Wyldfyre pretty well, respecting her boundaries while making sure she feels welcome anytime

Ray and Maya!!! Are they alive lol? Will we ever find out??

“The monastery works best when everything is in its proper place” *cue explosion*

Not listening to Zane is the cause of 85% of problems in this show

Kai and Wyldfyre’s rivalry is everything, actually

I will never stop gawking at the new animation, it’s so beautiful ;-;

Yayyyyyyy propaganda /s

Aye, Sora’s parents!!!! Seems like they’re having doubts mayhaps

Keep questioning authority kids, you’re getting there

Kids get it done!!!

I am begging all the water, fire/heat, and ice elementals to practice some critical thinking and remember that ghosts cannot touch water

The delivery on Nya’s “Whaaaaaat?!??” was so good lmao

“Eh, it never came up” LMAOOOOOOO he was so deadpan I’m dying

“How hard can it be?” Arin I stg why would you say that

Frohicky!!!!!!!

Lloyd is so awkward I love him

Arin and Sora having a handshake <333

Episode 12

We love a villain whose pride is 90% of the reason they fail

If they start deadnaming Sora I’m gonna throw hands

I was so ready for them to confirm Kai’s age, should’ve known better tbh

Lloyd is such a good mentor, I could cry

They’re playing catch :((

Lloyd’s little “that was the last of our dinner plates” lmao

Has the Bounty actually operated as a ship before? In the course of the show?? Kinda love that they’re treating her like an actual boat now

Merlopians!!!!!

GAY PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Revolution counter: 1

That was so funny and for what

If they make it through this episode without mentioning Bentho I will be so sad

WAIT is the crab controlling the merlopians instead of the other way around????

CALLED IT

So glad the merlopians aren’t the bad guys here

Episode 13

Kai isn’t handling not being the most unpredictable person in the group very well

Kai’s girlbossing his way through life, as he should

Zane being down to drink motor oil but not fly juice is so valid tbh

Frohickey and Zane’s dynamic is so silly I love them

Zane you literally have a human disguise lol, kinda love him being comfortable enough with who he is that he prefers to stay as a nindroid even in disguise tho

Is that his detective costume from prime empire???? Now I’m thinking about what the ninja’s closets look like

Wyldfyre causing problems on purpose my beloved, she’s such a menace, I love her

I’m really enjoying seeing all the seemingly forgotten species come back, have we seen these skeleton people since season 1??

“Ninjasplaining” IM DEAD

The lavatides have such fun character designs

How did the other realms know about the ninja before the merge? Like it makes sense, but how about the practicality of it??

“Ok this is just getting silly” this show makes me so happy you guys

Zane has a holiday, as he deserves!!

So ready to watch Zane lose a Zane lookalike contest, surely nothing could go awry

GULCH :D

Challenging Kai with a character even more headstrong and proud then him is such a good move, it provides so many opportunities to showcase how much he’s grown

Poor Zane, this man does not need another ship of Theseus crisis

Damn, I’m kinda emo over this message

LIGHTNING??!???!?

Episode 14

I miss Pixal so bad, man

Frohickey’s trying so hard, I would die for him

Sora honey, I love you but please check that cognitive dissonance, the things going wrong are not your fault, none of it is your fault.

This show’s comedic timing is everything, I never get tired of it

Fat rip to Clutch’s book, no brobrogoogoo today :(

“Long before the Merge, Djinnjago was destroyed” Nya, are you not gonna mention that you were the one to destroy it???????

“Bad news first: our mission was a failure, also we have no good news” Sora is so fucking funny you guys

Frohickey is having such a rough time, poor guy

Nya having a lightning dragon can be so personal

Sora the dragon’s name is Zanth!!!!! Best resolution to the “other Sora” thread imo

I love this guys attitude so much lol

Confirmation that Riyu’s a special lil guy <3

The depressed icon we never knew we needed

Arrakore my beloved

Zane and Frohickey’s friendship is so precious

Episode 15

I like how Kai and Wyldfyre didn’t have a specific moment of “oh hey you don’t suck” its just “we’re too similar and it’s kinda annoying but you’re cool sometimes”

Why didn’t we get to see Arrakore’s song :((

Nya’s being so chill with Arrakore being djinn, obviously he has nothing to do with Nadakhan but it’s still nice, he also seems massively less racist so that’s good

Nya’s dragon finally has a name, Jiro my beloved :))

Arin infodumping and Lloyd just “mhm-ing” my beloved

Asking nicely always works, apparently

I entirely forgot about Rapton lmao

Is it Cole time??? I want it to be Cole time

*motivational music* “all life is important” “… but that’s Rapton 🤨” I love Arin

HEATWAVE TO THE RESCUE!!!! Though where has he been up til now??

Lloyd being like “yeah sure, how impossible can it be?” and being entirely justified is the most him thing ever

COLE TIMEEEEEE HELL YEAHH!!!!!!!!

Episode 16

Cole and Nya hug <3333

Someone other than Zane mentioned Pix, a day for the history books

Glad to see Cole’s as OP as ever lmao

Oh they’re so gay

I didn’t even think about that, it’s so fascinating that the earth is unsettled by everything that’s happened

That’s so sad what the hell, so in character for Cole to just adopt a buncha orphans tho

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK IM SO ABNORMAL ABOUT THIS

Sora I love you but that is the worst possible way to phrase that

Kai talking about the importance of other ways of helping and how combat isn’t everything and showing Wyldfyre a healing technique :(( I’ve been rewatching s1 and he’s come so far

Geo :(( things are better now, but change didn’t come soon enough for him and now he’s Lost

Borg mention!!!!!!

Also I love having a reference point for Sora and Nya’s skillsets, it’s also just so heartwarming to see adults who are wholly supportive and unafraid of younger people being better than them

Cole is so out of the loop lmao

Zanth :0

Oh you bitch

Cole and Geo are so in love :(

Episode 17

I entirely forgot about this plot point lol

Oh this is so dystopian

Kai in a mentor role means everything to me

They’re actually addressing Kai’s grief??? Hell yeah, fucking finally /lh

Alright, betting time: Jay or Pixal?

Lloyd and Arin are so silly, I love them

Zane???!?!!?!

Zane really just sat in that office, huh (/ref but it’s so vague I’d be shocked if anyone got it)

It’s a part of the realm of madness oh my goodness that’s hilarious

“Are they safe for people?” “No” *proceeds to shove them both in there*

Zane had way too much fun with that superhero landing lol

JAYYYYYYYYYY HOLY SHIT ITS JAY NINJAGO!!!!!!!

Zane is having so much fun this episode, he’s just getting shit done and looking great doing it

So we’re not getting Jay back yet? Rip

Zane is so polite what the heck

Episode 18

So Wyldness confirmed to be the same realm as Imperium???

Is Beatrix gonna have the same origin story as Kalmaar??

Nya and Cole’s friendship is so tender and caring, they’re besties your honor

LaRow trash talking Rapton to his face lmao

Rapton redemption arc!??!????!

It’s so interesting seeing the backstory of Ras and Beatriz’s alliance after it’s already fallen apart

Wyldfyre did not need to be told twice lmao

THAT ACTION SEQUENCE HELLOOOO?!????? THEY WERE THROWING AROUND THOSE GUARDS LIKE A FUCKING VOLLEYBALL

From a psychological perspective, Beatrix is fascinating

Revolution counter: 2!!!!!!!

Episode 19

Lloyd letting Kai take point on wrangling Wyldfyre only for Kai to immediately match her energy my beloved

“You have no idea how foolish some of us can be!!” Pffff “-no offense Lloyd” PFFFFFFF

Interesting to go the “non bender revolution” route considering how few elemental masters there are compared to avatar where benders are a vast majority, but it’s a villain whose power hungry so makes sense and I’m entirely down

The quips this episode are impeccable

They built an hq??? Hasn’t it only been a week or two??

So much is interconnected in this season I’m kinda not following some of it, but I love it

Percival monologue going off!!!!!!

Sora main character fr fr

Kai and Wyldfyre are everything

Kinda iconic that Nya just hasn’t mentioned that she found Cole lol

That scene with the guard was so good!!!! The suspense and the realization of just how deep the resistance runs…. It’s such a good moment

Love that as soon as Kai has Wyldfyre even slightly reined in he’s down to let loose and make messes with her, as long as it’s for a good cause lol

That extra delivered with that cry holyyy

Heck yeah Rapton redemption :D

Rapton out here with the guardians of the galaxy motivation and I’m loving it

The fight choreography in this show never ceases to amaze me, holy crap

Sora’s speech goes so hard, I’m tearing up

Finally got confirmation the og ninja are in their twenties, thank god

One thing about Nya is that she will never pass up an opportunity to call her brother stupid

Episode 20

Rapton calling Dorama a “washed up clown” is everything I never knew I needed lmao

The stakes are staking

The glitch effect??? Hello spiderverse!!!

The platonic love on display this season is killing me, they all care about each other sm :((

That Rapton Nya interaction was so good and for what

Sora’s parents >:(

Deadnaming their kid and guilt tripping her saying she “abandoned you,” damn Sora’s response is so fucking cathartic as a trans person with unaccepting parents

I’m just here for the ride and having a great time

Frohickey!!!!!!!!!

Lloyd doing ye ole Chosen One things, as he should

Kai and Wyldfyre hug <3333

Dragon heritage mention???? Mayhaps???????

That was cryptic, cool though

Lloyd sees so much of himself in these kids 😭😭😭

Jordana boutta get the Harumi treatment fr

[theoculus124]

These are flowers for a not so good day. They are growing in my garden <333

WAIT I can’t send them to you??? Sadness

anyways

What’s your comfort book? Tell me about it 💜

Currently my comfort book is heartstopper cause I just love the characters sm. I love the representation too, so how they Charlie's struggles with mental health, nick nelson and his golden retriever personality, Tao and how he's protective of his friends (love him so much)(also headcannon him as autistic but yes), Elle she's amazing trans representation and so artistic and cool, There's tara and darcy (some of the best wlw relationship representation I've seen) and the way they communicate and omg they're so cute. i also love the constant theme of leaves they're really pretty and OMG TORI is an iconic older sister aa and Kit's mom is the absolute sweetest when Kit comes out to her and questions whether she knows what bisexuality is she's like "I'm not from the 18th century" or something along those lines also Charlie breaks up with kit at one point because he's scared he's ruining him and when they talk about it Nick goes 'You're my favourite person' which is so cute and then there's ben hope who is an arsehole and uses Charlie and there's Harry who is the bully and gets roasted by Tao which is hilarious and Ben as Torri says is an absolute knob and charlie plays drums which is really cool and his relationship with his sister is so sweet like when he was angry and sad he started playing the drums but Torri came in and told him he was playing too loud, however instead of fighting/screaming with each other Charlie eventually opens up and Torri comforts him and it's so sweet also I just have to say Nicks "I'm having a proper full on gay crisis" is an amazing line and I will forever treasure it will all my heart and also fun thing Elle's last name is Argent like Agent I think that's so cool and Tao hates change I remember something that stuck out was when he was really scared of Charlie making new friends and changing their routine and it's not official but I like to think so and he also wears the same beanie and I mean that screams Neurodivergent also charlie's so good at running, that's one aspect of his character I can't relate too because I get exhausted walking up and down the stairs (ok slight exaggeration but still)

Omg that's such an incoherent para I'm so sorry that'll be a pain to read through

No wonder my english teacher said reading my essays was like being on a bullet train

[elllteo]

12, 18, 27, & 44

OOO YEEEASSS

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot:

Do I Even Need To Say It....

--SIKE ITS SYLVIA COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

Sylvia is my wife's oc and they're extremely funny and the coolest little weirdo on the block. I love them and their tortured existence (burdened with knowing both sides of Matteo + Ellis' romance and unable to break the news bc its not their business) (but by fucking god they want the madness to end PLEASE)...also I think they should smooch vance a lot :) thank u

18. Any OC crackships? Oh god there's a lot that could be terrible here, UH HMM.

Matteo and Cassius is one - Cassius is a villain that gets detained for a number of Super Awful Crimes and he and Matteo HATE each other with a passion. There could be a weird little one-sided obsession thing going on there if you squinted so hard you went blind. Also I filled out this enemies meme for them one time so here's that :)

Ellis and Vance? ? ?? - Vance likes Ellis a lot he's his scrunkly (see this image) but it's not quite a romantic thing, so much as he likes to Observe him the way one observes a neighborhood cat who wont let you get close enough to pet, but will let you feed it....Ellis doesn't have much of an opinion of vance beyond "I respect him" and "He's very good at what he does" and "Jesus christ that man is tall."

27. Any OC's that were inspired by a song?

Not really any I've done any actual lore with!! I've done a few scattered designs here or there but their development fizzles out quickly. Usually I make a character first to fit a story/plot hole, and then apply songs to them from there :3

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

That they are so....me!!!!!

Not to be too sentimental I guess but I have become the person I am today by projecting the ideal person I wanted to be onto Matteo. I related more to the kind of soft and silly sarcastic little scruffy gender? ?? ? identity of him than of the person I thought I should be - some brooding "cool" persona. He gave me something to learn from and aspire to - and from there I have learned to be more kind and gentle and accepting of myself and others by exploring gender and identity and emotions and crisis and trauma through not only Matteo, but every other oc I have. (And a handful of my wifes ocs, thank u @peanutbudder-princess <333)

My ocs are the way I process the world, myself, the way I connect to others and express complex or nuanced emotions or dynamics that I can't normally / won't have a chance to otherwise. It's a very cathartic way to process things and I love them very much for that!! :3

TY for asking questions, these were lots of fun!!!! >:]c

[feuqueerfire]

Cherry Magic TH Live Blogging

Couldn't decide whether to watch Blank Season 2, The Boyfriend reality show, or jump into the first 2 eps of 4 Minutes even though I can't watch it as it airs next week. Wasn't really feeling any of them fully though, so there I am with Cherry Magic TH which I've been meaning to watch for a while. One of the only recent GMMTV series that I've heard pretty much only positive things about because Last Twilight, the other GMMTV BL I've been meaning to watch, had a divisive last few episodes.

About TayNew, I thought their Kiss series side ship was alright but didn't really like Dark Blue Kiss, was annoyed by all the characters. However, I like Tay as a person and have liked him as different characters since then + I was quite impressed by New in The Warp Effect. So I have high-ish hopes, especially because of the general positive buzz toward them for this show even from non-TayNew fans.

Also, it's a long weekend so I can just watch it grey on my laptop for these 3 days and my beloved uorigin.

Ep 1 (Aug 3)

ah, office settings, how I hate them. tend to avoid watching office BLs, esp boss/employee romances because there's nothing romantic about that setting to me but I wanna watch this one.

It really is a little strange to watch this remake because I'm like anticipating things that will happen before they happen. it kinda feels like when you know spoilers but I know more than a random scene that will happen sometime in the show, it's like I'm waiting for the events/sequences like getting his power -> the elevator scene etc. but good thing kinda is that I don't actually remember the Cherry Magic JP much, so it won't be like this for long.

Achi smiling to himself as he tries to find who Karan is complimenting lmfao only to be confronted by the realization that it's him

not Achi finding the Cherry Magic manga during his search. so that also canonically exists?

aww a cute surprise party for Achi from the 2 women whose character names I don't know yet. but hello Jan <333

ahhh Karan looked through reviews for a month to find this cake for Achi omg

the friend's name is Jinta? I just think of 1) Triage mystical Jinta and 2) DFF Jinta myths

loll so fun how everybody also slinks away as soon as the boss leaves. anyway i think i'd pass away if i had to work like that

girl what the hell the samples arrive at 10:30pm and they have to confirm the order in half an hour? After just one person has seen them? omg

Karan and Achi are sooo cute to me already

not Karan's condo romance fantasy lmfaooo

I kinda remember this sleeping in Kurosawa's condo thing but I thought it happened a little later tbh

Good start, very cute.

Ep 2 (Aug 3)

hehehe bonding over manga despite Karan trying to keep up the cool appearence

pajamas Karan specifically bought for Achi?!?! he's crazy lmfaooo

I'm cryinggg Karan is actually so obsessed, the doodle is of Achi's ear and mole?!

Achi's heart beating faster at the good night + smiling when he realizes Karan practiced making the egg for him

ah, Rock got broken up with but also gave Achi more fuel for his am-i-taking-advantage-of-karan's-crush crisis

why did the boss not have any thoughts played

trying to remember if the side couple had an antagonistic beginning like they're doing here.

not Jinta also hearing the cat's thoughts!!! lmfao

ahh the office party and forehead kiss already? Why do I feel like things are happening faster than the Japanese version or do I just not remember. In my head the scene where Adachi has to placate the boss who needs that dessert happened before this scene but maybe not

ahh my poor Karan feeling bad about liking Achi and making him uncomfortable

ahh i love the rooftop convo (and thoughts)

Ep 3 (Aug 3)

almost kiss

Achi ended up accidentally giving Karan more hope than he's ever had

I can't remember anything about a resort or beach trip in Cherry Magic at all so I can't figure out if they invented it for this version or not

Karan buying the drink to give to Achi + making the executive decision to switch seats with Rock + wishing for every misfortune that would delay the bus so that he could sit beside Achi longer lmfaoo

god, Karan being too good at stuff that he wants just as hobbies. wish I had that problem so bad

We didn't get to see Rock and Mr.Tanaka but it's funny that Rock keeps getting stuck with him

We don't get to hear Karan's presentation about Achi?

we're supposed to believe New isn't built?

why do i have to see women being harassed? and was this in the OG Cherry Magic? can't remember

Karan saviour

yayyy Karan bad at singing

oh, Papang appearance. Did I know he was in this? I don't think he'll appear again

yaas let's go Pai. and hope the guy's fiancee breaks up with him too

oh, we do see the presentation final

cryinggggg at Karan's internal screaming at Achi leaning his head on his shoulder that startles Achi awake

Ep 4 (Aug 3/4)

Jinta's heart beating faster because Min thought he smelled nice nad like his grandpa lmfao

okayyyy the client incident is here, idk why it left such an impression on me, I'm looking forward to this rendition of the scene too

Pai likes Achi too?

Achi feels nothing towards Pai but his heart beats for Karan

I think there was a storyline about Kurosawa's sister coming into the picture and being mistaken as his fg right? and lived in his house for a bit? Did Kurosawa sleep over at Adachi's house during that? I'm vaguely rmring some things

I feel like there was a scene of Kurosawa getting jealous/misunderstanding Adachi and his friend's relationship, was that supposed to be here and they didn't do it or a later time?

I thought the heartbeat pen was gonna give Karan's increasing heartbeat away when Achi does something cute

time for sleep, i'll watch the last 15 mins tmrw

oh lol we kinda get Achi's racing heartbeat w the pen

not Pai being a fujo which is fine and expected but the screaming and running out at Karan and Achi being cute is so wtf lol

not Achi passing out when he thinks the sister is Karan's gf

Ep 5 (Aug 4)

ahhh Karan thinking about wanting a keepsake for their first boat ride and Achi doing an origami for him

cryinggggg, not Jinta's sasaeng Hira tease

Karan being jealous of Rock is so cute omg and is also a type of angst that i like a lot where it's not like overdramatic considering what it is but is still a little sad and achy

now Karan's gonna get jealous of Jinta? plss

were Rock and Min in that band from before? I can't remember if this was also in the Cherry Magic JP live action but it probably was, right?

Rock and Min are cute but too long, let's go back to Karan angst c'mon!

omg Karan confessing !! but I wish there weren't random people in the both who can see/hear them

This was such a sad Karan episode! I thought it'd just be a little cute jealousy towards Rock but I love that it's a more melancholic, deeper thing.

Ep 6 (Aug 4)

ahh confession

man it always hits whenever somebody apologizes for being queer to their parents or for having queer feelings toward somebody... it speaks to me

i feel like this scene + Karan walking away needs like a kdrama OST right now

wait Ms. Kem is Gun/Li Ming's very attractive mother, hellooooo

not them letting Karan be sexual harrassed! and being basically given as a sexual favour!! >:(((

my poor fucking Karan T.T

it makes sense that Karan started liking Achi after this

Karan seeing Achi take care of the office and doing small things to take care of Achi is soooo cute omg

and Achi even figuring it out!

cryinggg Pai takes her fujo duties so serious, letting the motorbike driver keep her id and stuff hostage so that she can drive Achi to the airport

enough Rock and Pai, take me to Karan and Achi, the episode is almost over!

I'm gonna pretend they didn't say there were 40 minutes left before the airplane lands and i also don't get why he has to catch Karan at the airport like just go to Karan's place? talk to him tmrw? smth??

aw, confession from Achi too

Ep 7 (Aug 4/5)

5 am?! for a full day date?! girl

Karan buying an expensive shirt for Achi for their first date, that'd stress me out so much if I was Achi

Achi's gonna be nervous about sex all day bruh

interesting contrast between Karan-Achi's highly planned but kinda meh date vs Jinta-Min's impromptu cute date

did OG cherry magic also have a dating prohibition among coworkers?

this ep kinda reminded me of PeteKao's Our Skyy episode lol. in general a kinda meh episode for me even though i get why it's needed and what it's conveying. I ended up doing 1.25x about 20 minutes in and might continue with that tbh

Ep 8 (Aug 5)

naurrrr not Ms. Kem >:(((((((

she wants Karan to kneel and apologize?!?! i'm so mad and even more so bc i would love love loveeeee to see Tay Tawan play a role where he kneels in front of women but not like thisssss D:

I kept waiting for the boss to speak up but why did he not do it until Karan was already kneeling and had his hands together and was already basically apologizing >:(

I have vague memories of the mind reading thing happening in either Adachi or Kurosawa's home in the JP version, so I can't tell if they'll fr reveal now or if it'll be like haha joking

They should not have had Karan go through with all this with Kem, I'm so aghhh >:(

Ep 9 (Aug 5)

lol yeah Kurosawa also took the mind-reading thing extremely well

ohhoooo they're so cute after moving in together and Karan constantly touching Achi and being like test, test hehehe

Jinta-Min is so cute and funny lol suchhh an improvement from the jp ver.

"The scariest thing is to limit myself because I'm scared beforehand." I need to believe this fr...

kiss! and it's pretty good to watch too, not too awkward/stilted (though i was like ok n stopped paying attention halfway through)

Ep 10 (Aug 5/6)

I wishhhhhh that this was still on Youtube so that I could easily down it for my commutes.

practice time apart... for both the couples

ooh, I do enjoy a celeb-ish/non-celeb couple where the fame and celeb culture affect the relationship, like Jinta being jealous that Min's being shipped with another member of his group

aw, Min's group didn't win

Achi doing something nice for Karan

Ep 11 (Aug 6/7)

idk if Achi not telling his new coworkers about dating Karan will come bite him later but I fully get why he doesn't say

Karan goes to sleep at 8pm???

Min reading hate comments, I can't believeeee this show is randomly giving me idol or celeb dreams and the things that come with that!

aw the coworkers are fine with Achi having a bf

i have neutral feelings about Pai and Achi together, though a bit sad about losing our aro queen from the jpn version but this is annoying

i’m on the subway, so i’m not watching 12 mins onward - to watch at home

okay update from home later: *thumbs up*

Ep 12 (Aug 7)

goodbye Achi’s magical powers

i’m skipping through Rock and Pai scene

i wasn’t expecting Too Much of a hassle with the parents but doing the fake-out “they come out and the coworkers/parents seem upset at first but aren’t actually and it’s just a funny thing” twice back to back (11-4 and 12-1) is like give it a rest. i wish the parents had at least some sort of reservations regarding the queerness or were affirming in their support, not this jokey thing like we Just got that last ep!

Min telling fans that Jinta is his bf the day he gets confirmed to debut like let’s chill and think and plan first

lol author fansign basically

okkkk angsty meeting the parents with Karan, i was wanting a bit of this

okay nvm ig bc they’re like ok as your parents we support you but like… why was the mom saying on the phone that they’re busy then? and they acted quite cold with karan and achi too

okkkk yes the parents don’t want Karan to tell others that Achi is his boyfriend

let’s go Karin

goddd, Karan wanting to put his hand on Achi’s but turning around to see his mom looking at them and so keeping his hands to himself and they’re shakinggg

Karan tearing up in happiness/relief at hearing Achi and his parents talk wuahhh

“I didn’t disappoint you, did I?” one of my fave lines in general when it comes to coming out and parents ahh

aw marriage proposal even though it’s too quick for meee but theyre in true love and will be together forever so it’s okay

i loveeee a gay double proposal

the cherry theme for Jinta’s novel, Min’s band name, Achi and Karan’s wedding is killing me like lol

and Achi Karan do get to register there marriage now, aw

and Achi Karan do get to register there marriage now, aw

i’m quite meh about weddings in shows in general but this was is cute enough

so cute Min thinking like D: is he that serious about me? and Jinta jolting from his sleepy state to be like i only haven’t proposed bc of your idol dream, pls come and propose to me whenever you’re ready

on the other hand, don’t give me lovey dovey Rock and Pai

ah, mentioning the mind reading powers again, I did feel like it had disappeared without enough acknowledgement

Was I more picky and annoyed watching the first half of ep 12 because it’s like 8am and I’m on the train to go to work?

Overall:

I had watched the Japanese Cherry Magic live-action, which everybody seemed to love but was pretty meh and forgettable to me, but I’m glad that I ended up liking this adaptation better. I was quite unsure about the whole thing when it was announced like 1.5 (almost 2?) years ago, so I’m eating my words.

TayNew’s BL work after multiple years apart and they were both better than their Dark Blue Kiss days I think, helped by the fact that they’ve individually done a bunch of acting work since then. Karan and Achi were cute and endearing (and felt more human/real to me than Kurosawa and Adachi I think? but i can’t remember much from CM JP to say it with certainty). The ship is kind of “boring” in that there isn’t much angst between the characters, not as much tension, they don’t end up breaking up 3/4 through, etc. and I find that it can be hard to care about those sorts of couples for 12 whole episodes but Karan and Achi were cute enough and had enough outside struggles to pull it off.

i’m so charmed by Jinta and Min actually, a vast improvement from the japanese version’s equivalent. How cute and endearing and I liked getting my little taste of celeb/non-celeb dating and typical idol show problems bc I enjoy these tropes, even though they weren’t fleshed out at all in this instance (I will love Thame-Po forever if they actually give me a good, proper show but idk if they will lol esp considering what I’ve heard about Only Boo!). I watched Mark and Junior first in their Midnight Museum storyline and it was good enough, a bit heartbreaking the way the stories in that show were but not mind blowing and I don’t think I’ll be watching Perfect 10 Liners, but I’d still be curious to see them in something different later on.

On the other hand, I didn’t care about Pai and Rock whatsoever. I knew they were gonna end up together based on people’s comments + the SingJan ship but it’s a shame that they didn’t keep aroace Pai though i know she’s not aroace in the OG manga). Even without that, I just didn’t care about it, I just wanted Rock to give up and leave Pai alone. Pai is great and I liked her putting her ex his place and choosing happiness etc but not the part where she screams whenever her real life coworkers Karan and Achi do anything cute like okay you ship them but keep it in your head pls.

I enjoyed the adaptation and how it had the Japanese touches (the company try work for specifically) while also introducing Thai elements (religion, festivals, dialects). Great improvement on the kissing department and I’m glad they also squeezed the wedding in there.

Another of those I enjoyed it and it was well-made but I doubt I’ll be thinking much about this and it didn’t give me any soft of brain worms.

Rating: 6.5/10

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

331. Clown in A Cornfield by Adam Cesare--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Re-read in December 2022 because the sequel came out! Loved this just as much as the first time around. The main difference though is that now that I know what happens at the end, certain things are so obvious. As a result, I was hoping to catch more glimpses of certain characters other than the female MC. I can't wait to read the new book in the new year!

___

332. How Not to Drown in A Glass of Water by Angie Cruz--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

TW: Child abuse, physical abuse, cheating, death, Homophobic comments, parental abuse

This book and audiobook were INCREDIBLE. If you listen to audiobooks, I highly recommend listening to this particular one. The production level is *chef's kiss*.

I first read Angie Cruz's DOMINICANA at the beginning of this year and I thought that her other books would disappoint me because I loved that book so much (there's no way an author can surpass something you loved so much, right?) And then, I finally read HOW NOT TO DROWN IN A GLASS OF WATER.

Oof.

This book brought out the pure Latina in me and gave me so much life. What a way to nearly end my reading year. I never thought I'd have another favourite book before the end of the year.

HOW NOT TO DROWN IN A GLASS OF WATER starts with an older woman being interviewed to see if she should receive unemployment (from my understanding), while also being helped with finding a new job. What we get is a Latina mother who has a bunch of stories to tell about those closest around her and her estranged son. We slowly learn what has made her life feel so full and the uncomfortable realities of generational trauma and the aftereffects it can have. Her experiences show us the harsh realities of what roads we can take if we follow that generational trauma or if we decide to fight against it. It also brought up the bigotry LGBTQ+ people can face in the Latine community. The machismo and the gender expectations were heavy and very real in this book.

The way the Spanish is mixed into the english and the accent of the voice narrator was such pure joy for me. I'm fluent in Spanish, but would still have a hard time listening to a book purely in Spanish. But I absolute adore books that sprinkle it in and don't try to translate it too much. I read a book review once where someone complained that a book had too much Spanish in it without translations and I just thought, "Google?"

Anyway, along with the Spanish came the references that I grew up with. Walter Mercado, the songs mentioned, the food (a lot of Dominican and Cuban food share similarities), and the way Latine communities tend to help each other out in times of crisis without even thinking about the aftereffects. It made me think of my Aunt in Miami who is like this with everyone she meets, and it made me think of Cuba and how everyone in your barrio knows everyone. It was just a massive collection of emotion and nostalgia for my growing years. It was chaotic and wonderful.

I found myself laughing, crying, and growing uncomfortable as we entered the true heart of the traumatic relationship between the MC and her son. By a certain point, we have grown to love the MC so when the truth of how affected she was by generational trauma hits, it can make you incredibly uncomfortable. It will challenge your sense of empathy for a character you thought you knew fully.

The end had me crying and hoping for the best beyond the book. The character growth was impeccable.

I don't know if you can tell from my rambling review but I absolutely adored this book. I ADORED it. Can't recommend it enough. My favourite thing about Cruz's books is how she explores these Latine communities and instead of giving us an overview of everything, she focuses on one small portion and creates a big world with it (much like the big personalities of the characters.)

___

333. The Passengers by John Marrs--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PASSENGERS was one of those experiences that is best done over audiobook because of the production levels, so if you're into audiobooks, I'll start my review with that. Marrs's novel dealt with some pretty interesting concepts that are a little too timely. THE PASSENGERS is set in the same world as Marrs's previous book, so we already know that it deals with technology and its repercussions. It also shows us how, despite being shown the drawbacks, humans are destined to keep trying what's already failed with mild tuning. The reason why I say this is a timely novel isn't just for the tech alone, but for this idea that our new cars need to be driverless experiences that will ultimately become decision makers...but I mean, who programs these cars to make said decisions? Hm... I actually really enjoyed this one. The premise pulled me in and had me hooked until a weird moment where there was a bit of a lull, hence the lower rating. I found it interesting to see these relationships grow and/or reveal the true personalities of the people stuck in the room. Overall, the book asks some pretty tough questions of the jurors and the readers. For example, can YOU choose who lives or dies based on a biased and small bit of information given to you by a person you don't trust? It also asks you to think about the idea that a society can pick who lives and dies based on what they've done for the world, could potentially do for the world, and what they will definitely do for the world. I'd recommend this to anyone who wants a thriller audiobook, or anyone who wants a super quick and fun time while reading a thriller.

___

334. Thank You for Listening by Julian Whelan--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING started with a bang (literally) that will forever make this book incredibly memorable. It was a nightmare scenario and a super relatable moment all in one. It's no secret that I love audiobooks, especially romance ones. I've listened to so many that I've even gotten over the awkward sex scenes (unless I've got my phone on speaker). Listening to a book about the creation of audiobooks and the narrators behind said audiobooks was super interesting to me. And then, after I did some research, the whole experience became even cooler once I learned that the author herself not only narrates this book, but is quite successful in the world of audiobooks (She's done many books, but most notably--to me--Taylor Jenkins Reid books.) The story itself was full of cute moments between best friends, funny moments between two people who find themselves in a romcom-like experience of their own, heartbreaking moments of grief and acceptance, and the difficulties of learning to live your life the way it is now as opposed to the way it was before. Whelan tackles what it could potentially mean to succeed as opposed to the societal expectation of success, particularly in Hollywood and as a Black woman (her best friend). She also touches on her Grandmother's worsening health and the repercussions it can have on their relationship. I will say, though, that the MC's nickname for her Grandmother was adorable--Blah Blah because the MC as a baby couldn't say Barbara. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, even if the MC at times was a little frustrating and the love interest also was a little infuriating lol. I enjoyed their love story, but I think it was the moments of audiobook recording and the meta-ness of it that gave this book, for me, that extra touch of enjoyment.

___

335. A Very Merry Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

I will continue to collect and read these books because I truly never know which stories I will love and which ones are going to be just okay. A VERY MERRY BROMANCE felt reminiscent of the second book of this series, where the male mc was a cinnamon roll with faults but an overall likeable character and the female mc was incredibly annoying at first. The main difference, however, was that the story progresses and we start to see just why she's so protective of herself and so mean to him. But that also brings to mind how some guys see a woman who are just so...mean and think, yep, that's the woman for me! All the power to those relationships, but it just annoyed the heck out of me. Like usual, I loved the interactions between the other men in the group and the male MC. They're very supportive and are always there to smack each other when they're being stupid. While this book still practiced the whole "grand gesture" thing (which I find kind of annoying in this series because it always focus on the women and never on the men who are also hurt), it did something a little different which I did appreciate. So, at least that's something to look forward to. Hopefully the next book will keep having more evolving characters who are faced with the potential of this trope. Overall, this book was just okay. It was a bit of a letdown after loving the previous two books so much. Hopefully the next book won't have me rolling my eyes so much.

___

Happy reading!

[isabella-111]

<3

my pronounce are she/her and I’m bi. I’m 5’4 with medium length dark blonde hair that’s always pretty much untameable. I’m and Aquarius. I’m really into astrology and that sort of things. I make taylor swift my whole personality tbh. I collect crystals and always carry at least one with me. addicted to black eyeliner. I consider myself to be and extrovert but my social battery runs out really fast. really obsessed with fashion and makeup. my clothing style is pretty much whatever I feel like wearing. I’m really loud and outgoing, but deep down I’m really anxious and insecure. I’m a professional over thinker. sleeping is my hobby. I love books but I’m a very slow reader. I adore watching movies and writing reviews. art is what keeps me going. I suck at any type of sports. I love food, cooking and baking is my love language. I’m a great example of what listening to Lana Del Rey at 12 can do to a person. oh and I love matcha. 

If you’d pair me with a marauders era character I would be on cloud nine :)) 

congrats btw <3

A/N: you give off such iconic vibes very much lana del rey also literally same started listening to Lana perhaps a little too young now 5 years later mentally ill but living 😩 anyways i hope you like it <333

I ship you with remus lupin

- you and remus met at a crystal shop that sirius dragged him too ( remus loves crystals but will never admit it , he wont deny it either but he’ll never say it out loud for some reason)

- you guys were standing next to each other looking at the rose quartz and citrine that were next to each other . Thats when love story starts playing and you were internally fangirling. Little did you know so was remus well you were about to find out

Remus : oh i love this song * remus mutters almost talking to him self *

You : samee i love Taylor

Remus : * smiles at you * so do i

You and remus talk for about 30 minutes before he has to go but before he leaves he writes his number on the receipt( which not to get ahead of my self is framed in your guys future apartment along with the ticket stubs from the time you guys went to taylor swift concert )

-staying up late talking about astrology then moving on to the most bizarre topics >>>

- its quite funny actually cause remus is a introvert with a long social battery and your a extrovert with a short social battery....i guess opposites do attract

- late night baking with remus is a go to

Probably will end up in a flour fight and a few stolen kissed but it’s definitely fun and you guys love it

I ship you with Spencer

- you and spencer met at a book store

- you were sitting there for a little too long and he just walked up to you and asked “ are you alright”

You had to explain to him that your just a a slow reader and not like having a crisis (even tho a constant crisis is always a mood )

Spencer: oh sorry about that then

You : no no its no problem I appreciate you coming over to check on me

Spencer : * smiles * hey um ik i like came here and bugged you but would you maybe wanna go get coffee or something

You : make it matcha dr reid and you’ve got your self a deal

Spencer: *confused * wait how did you kn-

You : you have your badge on your bag * you smirk *

Spencer: *looks down at his bag * oh

You : * standing up from your seat * ready to go dr reid

Spencer: id love to but can i get your name first

You : its y/n

Spencer: thats lovely

- you guys drank your tea and had a conversation about your favorite art pieces ( foreshadowing for your second date which was a museum

- dropping off cookies and brownies to the bau team when they’re in the office is the best

- watching movies with Spencer but the end is just you guys critiquing them >>>>

- professional overthinker meet Spencer also a professional over thinker . (Communication is key with you guys but it’s definitely something thats easy to talk about since you both understand the feeling if being overwhelmed and racing thoughts

- no matter how bad you feel that day Spencer is always there to remind you how beautiful, gorgeous, hot and amazing you are

[bredforloyalty]

hey every time i log onto this website and read ur posts, i relate so heavily to your personal intertwinement with the story + characters and i absolutely understand your perception of R&M cuz? i always saw it as an encapsulation of the cycles of abuse especially through generations within family? and when i try to explain that to other people like irl or w/e while watching it theyre like wat .. so i UNDERSTAND where ur coming from and i FEEL bad that u get embarrassed or w/e (altho i deal with those feelings too?) basically just trying to tell you you are HELLA seen and far far from alone

🥺🥺🥺 THANK YOUUUU i appreciate that..... mayhaps a certain type of childhood or family life primes a certain understanding of rnm and an investment others don't always have. it's a factor that plays heavily into connecting with this series for sure.. many of us (fans. or whatever) are like this, like it is that deep for us but even to those people, i can scarcely relate. because most of them have this umm desire to see the wrongs righted and to be comforted by the show and then the writers notice that and then i don't feel that rick's change of character is gradual enough and involves enough sacrifices and struggle and lol you get the idea!! i like tragedies, i prefer to be hurt by my shows, that's the type of comfort i need. i digress.. but the point is, often i feel like a minority in here, thanks for taking the time to tell me you relate and you understand <333

also hmm i feel like within the group of fans that are dedicated and care about the future of this show, very few are in it for. comedy. or cool sci-fi moments? or maybe more like, all of the dedicated fans are dedicated to the story and the characters and definitely not to the old structure of rnm that allowed it to be an endless fun machine. at some point you have to make the stuff that happens count and affect the characters so people have something to come back for, so the episodic format could not have been maintained, not with the sudden widespread interest in the show. the new direction, the sincerity and drama and addressing canon and letting the characters grow Are for us, those who ended up caring! but i'm still embarrassed about caring, in my worse moments, i can't help it :P the writers even went out of their way to make fun of us for our investment in s4 and 5 and since it's popular, i see many casual viewers around who simply don't care that much. and are just here for a laff. that's weird to me!

and, the new direction puts me in a weird position because i did love it for the dysfunction and the angst, that's an integral part that needs to be featured predominantly in my opinion to make the hopeful moments really hit (and it's prominent in my family too HYDHBY so that would just feel more realistic for me and satisfy Me personally)

maybe i'm just concerned with what upcoming seasons are gonna do because if we have a long way to go until the end, i would have preferred if they took more time with the overarching storylines of seasons 1 through, idk, 3..... and just generally approached the previous seasons with very slow character development in mind, but character development for sure. if they were more deliberate about it and didn't have an "oh shit we have expectations to live up to now and loyal fans to satisfy. but we don't wannaaaa.. don't tell us what to do :'(" crisis in the middle of it lmao. i don't have a fundamental problem with betterment arcs, i'm just not sure this will be done right in the particular instance of rick and morty

i'm also just pondering the different subsets of viewers now and how conflicted the show has seemed (in the past. i wouldn't apply this to s6) about what it wants to be... and thinking about all the ways my affection for rnm could be misunderstood 😔 the worst "fans" have been the loudest, they didn't exactly give us a good name lol, but this is personal for me so i can't just stay away or keep silent (duh!) so i oughta consider the public perception. and perceptions are super varied! it's another one of those shows that isn't a show, it's popular enough and inconsistent enough to be a phenomenon. so inevitably i will be embarrassed, it means so many different things to different people and i care. i care very much

[scrawnytreedemon]

Cid Highwind and/or Vincent V!

Oooohhh!!! Bringing in The Boys? SNkkkkk, I’d expect nothing less of you, Enide <3 I’m not that well-versed in them as I’d like, buT!!! here’s trying!!!! Love a good challenge :)) 

Cid:

First impression: Grumpy tea DILF that swears his ass off. For some reason I keep forgetting Cid is a lancer and not a gunman because??? Usually it’s the gunmen that get depicted all vulgar and rugged, with stubble and cigarettes.

Impression now: Grumpy tea DILF that swears his ass off. Lmao, nothing much has changed, but there’s certainly a free-spiritedness to him; makes sense, the man is a pilot and would’ve been(got to be?) an astronaut. He’s very tough-love in a way that both meshes and manages to be distinct from Barret’s flavour-- I think they’d be good bros :) One thing that sours his character a bit for me is how he verbally abuses Shera :( I’d normally chalk it up to his usual tough-love, but with the major plotpoint of him blaming her for his crushed dreams and how she essentially fulfills the role of an abused wife... I, I’m not so sure. Overall, I like Cid, but it’s a shame.

Favorite moment: Ohh!!! I have a few, such as the way he joins the party, him calling Vinny back to their room, his return to the final fight-- But my favourite has to be on the Materia train hijacking sequence and the dialogue that follows if you pick Yuffie and Vincent as your party members. The dialogue is downright hilarious and you really get the sense that they’ve gotten to know each other behind the scenes(love that about FFVII <3) :)))

Idea for a story: To STEAL an idea from my bud @alunchboxofsushifries she had while we were whinging about DoC, but having the game’s storyline entirely revamped so that it’s Vincent, Cid and Yuffie doing it all together. We don’t know the finer details(and DoC being DoC quite frankly I’m scared of knowing just w h a t might we be changing), but I love the idea alot!!!!! Again, this is my friend Vee’s idea, so major credit to them!!!!

Unpopular opinion: Lmao I don’t think I have enough opinions on him to really have an unpopular one??? Dont get me wrong-- Love the man to bits, however as of yet my focus has been all over the other party members(Barret, Nanaki, ect.) and so I’m not as well-versed in what is the common fanon of this man-- Most I could say is I wished they handled his resentment towards Shera better :(

Favorite relationship: I think him and Vince are such a fun dynamic-- I lean heavily platonic, but I’m sure you know I’m cool with a more romantic connotation. Vince calling him chief and being this affectionately dry almost-sidekick to Cid is the absolute best and its what made me love the train sequence along with Yuffie calling him old man lmaooo-- Adding onto that, I think him and Yuffie could have a snarky grumpy old dad and snide-teenager dynamic where he gives her lectures and she goes “yeah okay, paps”.

Favorite headcanon: Sadly I don’t have really any(I am NOT giving you good food today, am I, Enide? :( ), but I personally think that he’s got the only functioning airship on the Planet. I headcanon Gaia to be roughly the size of our moon, so large enough to hold a fair amount of people but also small so everything’s just a stone’s throw away-- Hell, they only have one major ocean! How wild is that???

Now!!!!! Onto Vince :))))) I have alot more to say(hopefully lmaooo)

First impression: Cool edgy gunman who stands in a corner and mumbles huskily. Drinks only black coffee, if he even drinks at all. Desperately needs a hairbrush.

Impression now: This man is??? SO awkward I???? I lOVE HIM???? He’s also got such a sweetness in my eyes and it’shdfjkjhkjhjg!!!! Like mAN, he’s an outwardly chill if slightly skittish older friend who keeps to the sidelines most of the times but when he does chip in it’s a l w a y s good and very Wise. The man is a bit of a sod, though, sometimes to the point of debilitating self-pity. First thing this guy did was tell you to fuck off and go back to sleep. He rags on himself heavily for his sins and I want to!!! Give the poor fucker a hug because lord knows he hasn’t had one in 27~ years :((( All around, swell guy, WOULD love to have a chill garden-bonfire chat with him :) Still needs a hairbrush, lmao. Also g o l d - p l a t e d  c l o w n s h o e s .

Favorite moment: I must, again, bring up the train scene for reasons mentioned in Cid’s section-- But to get onto another that caught my eye, was when he returned, and Cloud was surprised, having got the feeling that Vince was cold an detached. It’s both sweet, and sad. Vince cares deeply about all of this, about all of them, but because he’s a bit of a poker-faced recluse he doesn’t express it very much. I wonder how he felt, hearing that.

Idea for a story: OF COURSE, once again, Vee’s DoC rewrite(even more so because Vince is the main character), but I think a Seph adoption!AU, whether pre or postgame where in the former he takes Seph in and they’re constantly on the run together, constantly awaiting Shinra’s wolves like stalked deer, or the latter where there’s a tender, redemptive atmosphere but also a psychological, almost-horror element where he loves his Lucrecia’s son so much but also has to serve as his warden lest he be unleashed once more.

Unpopular opinion: I don’t think he’s Sephiroth’s biological father, and, with the nigh-omnipresence of this theory, I’ll be honest and say I find it a little grating? I think it weakens Hojo’s character and makes Vince this Real Fix-It Parent Who’d Never Hurt You :) -- And I understand the appeal, of that, but honest to God it really feels like most of this comes down to Hojo Stinky Baf adn UGLIIII!!! Vimce Good adn Sweete adn Pwetty :333 Facetiousness aside, I can appreciate this being done well, as with anything! Just wish it wasn’t taken as almost canon in fandom spaces :(

Favorite relationship: The man is SO fun to platonically pair up with everyone it’s INSANE, though I don’t think I have a favourite ship??? Like yeah, sure him and Lucrecia had a thing once, but that whole ordeal was more of a human rights crisis and just generally a painful, tragic mess. I don’t think Vincent could really love like that again, not for many years. He aches, even in places he forgets aren’t meant to ache. Especially those. I think he gives everyone a little love in the help he hands out. Vincent’s heart is big and broken, and he fears that if he fills it too much, it’ll burst, and he’ll be left a beast. He needs to learn that he is worthy, but that is a task he must undertake.

Favorite headcanon: Can’t really think of any, as despite his mysterious nature, Vince doesn’t leave too many loose threads in areas of My ConcernTM-- Though if I’m gonna make one up, him, Barret and Cid get together on Saturday nights to hang out around a fire with some beers and have some good Dad Talks-- Peak DILF solidarity, tbh. 

But yeah!!!! Took awhile to write out, hopefully these are sufficient enough for you, O’ Valenwind Extraordinaire beloved! Again, as always, feel free to tack on any further thoughts of your own! Love a good discussion <3 Makes this little corner of the fandom feel warmer.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

had some bmc thoughts stemming from like 2 weeks ago that i’ve been in a cycle of putting off / forgetting to write.....in part b/c there’s no Thesis here as usual, just some vague observations and a like “oh hmm” realization thanks to stephen brackett’s htbmc episode which i’ve just noticed i Listened Too on dec 12th so i guess this is stemming from closer to 2 months ago than 2 weeks. anyways though

listening to that he was talking about mitb and it’s like mmhm right right but then he talked specifically about it as like an Identity Crisis in a way that i hadn’t really fully considered before like.....that without jeremy as that other half it’s like, all the stuff about how other people see him might be Right, [that post like (looks up what a pt cruiser looks like) “god maybe he IS a loser” lol] which yknow i’d kind of just attributed to the way he already felt but obviously intensified like, that now without Anyone as a friend it just sucks that nobody likes him instead of the “well we’re the only ones who like us but that’s fine” thing......but yeah with what steve was saying about it i was like oh so like, kind of taking that “ppl think i’m a loser but i will own it” thing but like, not only now interpreting Being Called A Loser in the way that jeremy did thanks to jeremy saying it, but being like “wow maybe i Am a loser(tm) and also the way that everyone maybe thinks of me is correct idk” b/c like, so much of his identity being tied up in being this one guy’s longtime bff and in all this Tumult it’s like well not only am i sad but what does this Mean, am i Really that........and you know, how, presumably, hearing it from jeremy is like, oh hmm shit let me consider this Afresh and like, giving some emotional weight to that. im not writing this great lol but anyways 

second thing was just something i always think of With Interest and which is related to michael also which is that like, i go and think “wow haha it’s pretty cool that the difficulties (& more specifically the Communication Problems) in jeremy and michael’s relationship don’t stem from some inability to express affection or anything” like, thinking of that bit in 2pg, but then from there i was like well hang on it’s Also interesting that in that bit in 2pg and like, seemingly overall, jeremy is the one who’s better at being like, Direct About His Feelings verbally lol? i mean, you have michael with the pointed redirection of “will you be too cool for - Video Games” & kind of going back into (Pretending He’s) Focusing On That mode, and then you have jeremy just cutting through that by taking michael’s controller and then just talking about You Are My Favorite Person which like, of course also says that he knows michael’s not talking about video games and doesn’t feel obligated to roll with that......and then even really the fact that michael reacts to that Fave Pers thing with gettin silly all of 5 seconds into it is like, easily interpreted as being a little like “let me avoid the most earnest and direct Emotional Expression here lol”......but yknow i don’t think this is really a Problem, yeah jeremy feeling kinda unheard (or unproperly-listened-to) by michael Is that big communication issue there, but jeremy sure seems to just Get the way that michael is here, and has no difficulty with it or with understanding what michael Means even if he’s not quite saying things as Directly as jeremy is here, or being like “lmao >:333″ in response to jeremy’s “I Care You”.......

and i also kinda always link it up with my being like “nice emotional sidestep” @ the vimh scene where jeremy asks Why michael still came back to help him and like, sure yeah they kinda have a discussion but michael then just leaves it up to Jeremy’s Dad to be like “well son michael and i sang a song about loving you” which like, isn’t what gets said lol........i really like the pants song scene for so many reasons including that like, it’s not seen as some deep horrible failure of character (like the character of a person, not as in “fictional character”) that michael is mad at jeremy and behaving spitefully towards him by sort of giving up on him when he knows he’s probably in a bad situation Overall.......like i mean we all understand Why he’s having this reaction, but then people who Are wanting it to be Perfect and Fully Justified then just put that on jeremy being terrible and he absolutely deserved to be abandoned like that, instead of maybe being like, it is okay for michael to not make perfect decisions throughout this because he is a person and he is also a person in high school and like. yeah you need this Adult who like, really the fact that Jeremy’s Dad’s reaction to jeremy lashing out at him is to be like “oh i need to Do More to help him” speaks of this genuine maturity there, and michael does not have that because i guess everyone is like 16 or something, but it’s not any kind of Weakness or Failing that a more mature grown person needed to step in to be like “yeah you’re mad at him but we gotta look at the bigger picture here and that you do still actually care about this person and don’t Really want to get passive revenge here” etc, it’s just natural that the younger person here could benefit from the guidance of someone with more Life Experience and maturity here, did i mention “maturity,” how many times can i say it Challenge. and then also then that reminds me the [jeremy’s dad interrupting with Do You Love Him bit] lol which like, well that’s not particularly michael being maybe not as great at jeremy as (more) direct Emotional Statements thanks to it being more like, this is a bit out of nowhere and in 2pg it sure doesn’t seem like michael and mr. heere often have heart-to-hearts lol. where was i going with this. i guess it’s that i think it’s increshesting how michael is the sorta more Confidant(tm) person here but jeremy is the one more comfortable being emotionally vulnerable or something

[anthropologicalhands]

2019 fic roundup

tagged by @catty-words!

Total 2019 Word Count: 62,091 Total 2019 Hits: 4714 Other 2019 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 331, Comment Threads: 73, Bookmarks: 42, Subscriptions: 17

Total 2018 Word Count: 91,069 Total 2018 Hits: 3749 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 333, Comment Threads: 46, Bookmarks: 18, Subscriptions: 5

links and titles to 2019 works

[crazy ex girlfriend] my breathing is light and my head is filled silly [28,188] - a collection of r/n prompt fills and miscellaneous oneshots

[crazy ex girlfriend] turns, both solo and ensemble [5,942] - gen and other ceg prompt fills go here

[the godfather] make me an offer i won’t refuse [7,674] - the lone godfather fic i wrote after watching the entire trilogy for the first time. plays with the idea that there was a period of give-and-take between kay and michael after he goes to see her at her school.

[crazy ex girlfriend] sunlight and salutations [1,781] - a valencia character study & valencia/beth get together fic!

[crazy ex girlfriend] josh reaches out! [1,692] - a pre-4B ficlet about josh trying to do right by greg by making the first move. also the first in a highly-theoretical greg/josh road trip au.

[crazy ex girlfriend] roses (a reprise) [1,318] - a post-4x11 au where rebecca goes to visit nathaniel post-confrontation with his father and involves platonic roses.

[crazy ex girlfriend] slow down, follow up [3,139] - post-4x13 where rebecca follows up with nathaniel about her behavior in 4x12.

[naruto] choose your path [16,195] - a naruto/mass effect fusion au that i decided to finish off once and for all with a more condensed second part.

[crazy ex girlfriend] forest for the trees [1,203] - a valencia/heather valentine’s day ficlet written for @catty-words‘s femslash february challenge.

[crazy ex girlfriend] a pattern cutting [3,321] - a play off of the r/n flash forward from 4x17, because while i don’t personally think of r/n as having children, there are actually some interesting things about the concept i really like.

[crazy ex girlfriend] life’s not painless, but he’s not brainless (josh chan will be all right) [11,400] - my love letter to josh chan, post-4x16

[crazy ex girlfriend] (self) imposed limits [2,162] - an extension of the r/n date, due to rebecca wanting to run away from the emotional crisis the 4x16 plot has landed her in.

[crazy ex girlfriend] impressionism (what completes this picture of me and you) [2,969] - valencia admits to having had a crush on heather. set during the eight-month time skip.

[crazy ex girlfriend] greg has feelings for josh?! [4,485] - greg has a minor meltdown about his crush on josh and calls whijo for backup. part two in the highly-theoretical greg/josh road trip universe.

Favorite Fic: life’s not painless, because as a fic, the final form ended up being very close to what i pictured in my head in tone and resolution, plus it really helped me sooth my own frustrations about josh’s resolution in the show.

Hardest Fic: life’s not painless because i really really wanted to get it right, but also everything. writing is very, very hard.

Do you plan to take prompts in 2020? probably, but i have several of my own ideas i want to work on first, plus finishing off the prompts currently in my inbox.

What was the best thing about 2019? i got a lot more comfortable writing in the CEG verse, which has encouraged me to stretch my limits more and try new things, and sometimes those new things have turned out well, so I’m really happy about that. plus, being part of this little subset of fandom is just really fun and nice and encouraging. it’s been a good year to talk to people and complain about the show/gush about the show/bat ridiculous headcanons back and forth.

What was the worst thing about 2019? the worst thing about 2019 is that i have not yet started posting telepathy au because i’m still not satisfied with it. on a petty note, it annoys me that i can’t include it because my word count severely under-represents how much i actually wrote this year. plus, i was really hoping to get it out in the final third of the year, but then job + my own perfectionism got in the way. actually, the perfectionism in general has really slowed me down for both writing and posting. hopefully it’s just growing pains? but we’ll see.

Any last thoughts for 2019? it’s been a strange but fundamentally good year. loved talking to all you people and coming up with new outrageous ideas, and hope to keep doing so.

Goals for 2020?

post telepathy au

finish current wips

write more magical realism ceg au, because frankly that’s my happy place

anyone in the r/n fandom who hasn’t done this yet, consider yourself tagged.

[grapesodatozier]

i need some to write me a fucking richie in a bi-crisis one shot. even if it’s not you ,,, someone !!!

me?? projecting onto my favorite character?? you bet lol

also just a warning this is very angsty, but it has a positive ending!!

thank you as always for the prompt

pairings: this is mostly richie-centric, with some light bichie and beverie and heavy reddie

words: 3,119

warning: biphobia (both internalized and external)

Richie Tozier knew that “bi” was abad word before he even knew what it meant.

“Kaylie is telling people she’s binow,” he overheard his classmate Greta say to her friend Sally one day beforetheir English class started, both of them in the row right behind Richie.

“Ugh, that’s so gross,” Sallygagged. “Why would you ever want anyone to think that?”

“I don’t know,” Greta replieddisdainfully. “Attention, I guess.”

“I wouldn’t want that kind of attention.”

“Me neither.”

“Is being bi even a thing?”

“I don’t think it’s really a thing, but I heard she askedMegan if she could finger her,” Gretastage whispered. Sally gasped in horror.

“What the fuck?”

“I know,” Greta said sagely. “It’sreally scary, actually.”

“Poor Megan.” Then, after a pause, “Ihope she doesn’t try to finger me.”

“She might,” Greta giggled, “she’llhump anything with a pulse, apparently.”

That’s how Richie Tozier learnedthat “bi” was a dirty word. He was in the seventh grade.

Everything that Richie heardthereafter did little to change his beliefs about that. The only time he heardthe word “bi” was in a whisper, a hushed tone of disgust, scandal. Allthroughout middle school he never once heard the word used in a positive way.By second semester in eighth grade, just hearing the word made him flinch. Itbegan to scare him when he realized that not all boys wanted to kiss theirfriends.

He brushed it off though. Hethought plenty of girls were pretty, blushed just as hard around them as any ofthe other boys in his grade, his eyes magnetically drawn to them. He even had alittle crush on Bev for like a month, and after that a different girl everyweek.

But his eyes were also magneticallydrawn to Bill. He looked at Bill’s lips for just as long as he looked at BettyRipsom’s or Carla Bordeaux’s, maybe even for longer. He got that same guiltyjolt he got when looking at the old Playboys hidden under his bed when Bill senthim a link to a gay porn website as a prank one day. But these things were easyenough to brush off, to ignore, to deny. What was harder to brush off was therealization Richie had one day freshman year that hit him like a speedingtrain: the realization that he was in love with his best friend.

Richie didn’t think anything of it;he and Eddie had always been closer to each other than any of the others. Buteventually Richie began to realize that the only other losers besides himselfand Eddie who cuddled anymore were Bev and Bill. The group of seven was in Bill’sbasement watching a movie like they did every Saturday night. And just likeevery Saturday night, Richie’s arm ended up around Eddie’s shoulders, Eddie’shead resting against Richie’s chest, his entire body curled in toward him.Richie’s heart felt like it was trying to punch its way out of his chest as herealized none of the other guys were cuddling like he and Eddie were, that noneof them ever did. But none of them were looking at him strangely, and he likedholding Eddie, so he kept his arm around him.

But the thing was, he really like having his arm around Eddie.Richie loved being in the same roomas Eddie, loved making him laugh, loved hearing about his day and playing videogames with him and talking about comic books and school and the future andevery other topic under the sun with him. His skin sparkled with electricityevery time Eddie’s skin brushed against his, his heart going into overdriveevery time Eddie came to him firstfor a hug or to cuddle. He found himself inexplicably angry when Eddie wouldlean into Bill or rest his head on Mike’s shoulder or laugh really hard at ajoke Stan told. And then one day, when he planted a kiss on Eddie’s cheek thatwas just a little too close to his mouth when it was just the two of them,Richie made the sudden, sinking realization that he was in love with Eddie. Heloved his best friend, his best friend who was a boy, more than any girl he’d ever liked.

Richie went home that night andsobbed into his pillow as a barrage of memories came crashing down onto him: memoriesof his heart rate picking up when a junior boy in his choir class laughed atone of his jokes; of lingering gazes that were averted in a panic in the lockerroom; of sharing a bed with Bill during a sleepover that was just the two ofthem in seventh grade, lying awake staring at Bill’s back, blaming the latehour on the fact that he wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around Bill’swaist and hold him tight. And now, the ever-present desire to kiss Eddie, tofeel how soft his lips were, to show him that he loved him more than he lovedanyone else, to vow to be there for him always and forever. Richie cried untilhe couldn’t anymore, until his eyes were dry and his throat sore. His musclesquivered as he wrapped himself up in a blanket, as though trying to hide fromthe realization.

He liked girls. But he also likedboys. That made him bi, and that made him dirty, disgusting, desperate,attention seeking. It made him predatory.

The losers immediately sensed theshift. Richie hid how miserable he felt well enough, but he refused to let Billand especially Eddie touch him. He sat as far away from him as he could,refused to even look at him. God, Eddie would hate him so much if he knew howhe felt. He hated himself for putting Eddie in that situation, for being such afucking creep, for taking advantage of Eddie’s trust and friendship. He eventried to ask Richie about it, which made Richie’s heart break even more. EventuallyEddie stopped trying, and though Richie thought he’d be relieved when Eddiefinally stopped touching him and asking him to hang out, he felt like a chunkwas missing from his chest. Sure, Eddie still laughed at his jokes, and theystill carried on with their usual banter, but they sat on different sofas onmovie nights, and there were no more comic book sessions or one-on-one SmashBros marathons. There was no more hand holding, no more smell of Eddie’sshampoo as he rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. That was the coldest DecemberRichie had ever had. But he was doing this for Eddie, he knew it was the rightthing to do, so he shouldered on, telling jokes at lunch and crying himself tosleep at night.

Richie grew closer to Bev in thecoming months, especially after she broke up with Bill. Richie tried toconvince himself that he was in love with her; he loved her all right, and sheloved him, and they even made out a few times. But both of them knew the lovethey shared would never be romantic. Still, they spent all of their timetogether, having sleepovers whenever they could, staying up until two or threeor four in the morning talking about everything under the sun. Sometimes theyjust listened to music. Other times they just cuddled in the dark for a fewhours, neither of them saying anything but neither of them able to fall asleepeither. They went to concerts and record shops together, got drunk together forthe very first time, and then, a few months later, high.

It was the summer going into theirjunior year when Bev told Richie she was bi.

It was one of the few times Richiewas genuinely speechless. “What?” he breathed, feeling like the wind had beenknocked out of him. She had said it so simply, almost casually, matter-of-fact:“Hey Rich? I’m bi.” Richie couldn’t believe what he was hearing; he felt likehe’d just been caught watching porn or cheating on a test.

“You know, like, I like boys andgirls and everyone else,” Bev explained. She smiled, but Richie could tell itwas fake, nervous. Richie hated that he had done that, but he was genuinelyfloored.

“How do you know?” he asked, histhroat closing up. Bev looked around, visibly uncomfortable.

“Uh, there are guys I think are hotand girls I think are hot?” she said uneasily. “And I’ve enjoyed kissing guysand girls-”

“You’ve kissed a girl?” Richieasked, his voice breaking with emotion. Beverly narrowed her eyes at him, andhe was both relieved and terrified to find them melt into realization, recognition.

“Yeah, I hooked up with a girl Imet on vacation two week ago,” she answered. Richie pondered this, his eyeswide and mouth dropped open in a small “o” shape. Bev rested a gentle hand onhis knee, bringing him back from his mind.

“I’m glad you told me,” he saidearnestly, willing the tears out of his eyes.

“So am I,” Beverly smiled beforepulling him into a tight, tight hug.

Richie cried again as soon as hegot home that night, but this time he couldn’t even distinguish what he wasfeeling; it felt like relief, like joy.Bev was bi. Richie’s very best friend was bi. Bev wasn’t dirty, nor anattention seeking slut; she was one of the best people Richie knew. She waskind and brave and smart and strong and loyal and funny and sweet. And she wasbi. Richie sat with that for a while, and he could feel his chest gettinglighter as he fell asleep.

Richie felt a lot better afterthat. He still had bad days, and he struggled to accept that it was okay for himto be bi, but knowing that being bi didn’t make Bev a bad person helped himfeel better about himself, bit by bit, day by day. Still, he couldn’t gethimself to say it out loud. He wanted to, so many times he tried to tell Bev,but the words wouldn’t come out. Richie had a feeling she knew anyway though,and he was grateful that she never pushed him to tell her, to tell anybody.

Eddie told the other six that hewas gay the day before junior year started. They were hanging out in theBarrens and he just said it. Everyone was happy for him, congratulating himeven. It took Richie a second to get over his shock before making a joke, evenslinging his arm around Eddie’s shoulders like he used to, his heart bothsoaring and sinking as Eddie shoved him off like he always did.

Richie found himself in Bev’sbedroom that night unable to follow anything she said. “Are you good?” sheasked eventually, though there was a knowing tone to her voice.

“Bev?” Richie asked, his voicesmall as he looked up at her with wide, scared eyes.

“Yeah?” she said, taking his hand.Her eyes were open and inviting, loving, not a shred of judgement in them, butRichie still felt like he was about to vomit. He could feel his hands shaking,his palms sweating. He took a deep, shaking breath, willing the words tounstick themselves from his throat. Finally, he whispered, for the first timeever, “I’m bi.”

“Okay,” Bev smiled, her voice softand gentle, a smile full of love and adoration on her face.

“I’m bi,” he repeated, more tohimself.

“You are,” Bev giggled. “So am I.”Richie joined in her laughter then, but as soon as the laugh left his lips ittransformed into a set of sobs that wracked through his entire body, rattlinghis shoulders and making him hunch in on himself. Beverly pulled him into herarms without hesitation, holding him tight, rubbing his back as he let it out,all of the pain and joy and confusion and hurt and hate, so much hate, but alsoso much love he could barely contain it.

He pulled back and wiped his eyesas he caught his breath. Looking guiltily up at her, he said, “Bev?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s one more thing… I think I’min love with Eddie.” Bev squeezed his hand sympathetically as he hiccupped anothersob. “And I messed everything up.” He began crying again, although this timearound it was much more deflated; he and Eddie hadn’t hung out just the two ofthem in almost nine months, there was no way he could win him back, even as abest friend. Bev pulled him in again, stroking his hair.

“I think you should tell him that,”she said softly.

“What?” Richie asked, pulling backabruptly. “Why would I do that?”

“Because he misses you, Rich,” she said. Then, in response to his dubiousexpression, “Literally all you boys come to me with your problems. He hasn’tstopped missing you since December, Richie. He’s still wondering what he didwrong.” Richie’s heart sank in guilt at that. “Hey, no,” Bev was quick to say,holding his shoulders, “listen, it’s not your fault. I know how it feels, howdirty and wrong. I know how the guilt feels. It’s not your fault. I understand,Richie, and he will, too. He won’t be mad. Tell him when you’re ready, but tellhim.”

“Well,” Richie sighed, “fuckin’ nowor never, I guess.” Bev beamed at him in delighted surprise as he wiped hiseyes and got to his feet, gathering his things. He leaned down and kissed herhead, telling her, “I love you so much, Bev. You mean the fucking world to me,”before quietly making his way out of her house to his car.

He almost turned the car around tentimes in the three minutes it took to get to Eddie’s house. He parked his car afew houses down like always, still having the path to the tree in his backyardmemorized. He leapt into the tree, not letting himself think better of it as heclimbed up the branches. He hesitated for a moment, his fist hanging in the airbefore he forced himself to knock on Eddie’s window.

For a panicked second there was noresponse, and Richie almost made a run for it, but then the curtains wereopening and there was Eddie, wearing his pajamas and an unreadable expression.Richie waved awkwardly, and Eddie then rushed to open the window. Richietumbled into his room, rusty from not having done so in nearly a year. “Whatare you doing here?” Eddie hissed, just like he always did, but this time therewas less fire in his voice than concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, his armswrapped around himself, hesitating as he stepped into Richie’s space as thelatter stood up. “Your eyes look all red and swollen.”

“Uh, yeah,” Richie chuckledhumorlessly, scratching the back of his neck. “I, uh, I just came to say sorry.”Eddie’s eyes widened at that before going blank, his mouth a tight, thin line.It made Richie’s heart stop in his chest. “I know I’ve been acting really weirdfor a long time, and I just wanted you to know that it has nothing to do withyou, okay? I know we don’t hang out like we used to and it sucks, I hate it,and it’s my fault, okay?” Eddie softened at that. “I’m so sorry, Eds. I thoughtit was for the best.”

“Why?” Eddie asked, his voicebreaking. Richie lifted his hands uselessly, feeling genuinely nauseous at thethought of admitting it to Eddie. “I still remember the date.” Richie’s eyeswidened. “December 8th. That was the first day you started refusingto hang out with me, refusing to lookat me.” Richie’s heart broke as he saw tears welling in Eddie’s eyes. “I know becauseit all happened at once, and I had no idea why. Why, Rich?” he asked, the tearsthankfully not falling from his eyes. “If it wasn’t something I did then whatwas it?”

Richie’s bottom lip begantrembling, and suddenly he was crying again. Eddie hesitated a moment beforerushing to him, wrapping Richie in his arms. Richie was so relieved to betouching him again that his knees gave out and he fell to the floor. Eddiefollowed, stroking his hair and shushing him gently in his ear.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he reassured himquietly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’ll always behere for you if you need me.” That just made Richie cry harder, both in guiltand relief.

“You’re so fucking brave, Eds,” heeventually managed to say, pulling away to wipe his eyes. He was unspeakably gratefulfor the way Eddie kept his hands on Richie’s shoulders, even as he looked athim in bashful confusion. “I’m so proud of you for telling us all today.” Eddie’sface smoothed out at that, and he ducked his head as a blush spread across hischeeks. “And I uh, I have something to tell you.” It was maybe the hardestthing he’d ever made himself say, especially with Eddie’s wide, brown eyesfocused solely on him, but eventually he said it: “I’m bi.” Eddie’s eyebrowsrose at that, his eyes widening. “That’s why I stopped hanging out with you,because I thought you would think I was gross if you knew. The way we actedaround each other…”

“Richie,” Eddie sighed sadly beforepulling him into his arms. “I would never think you were gross, no matter what,”he assured him. “I love you, you idiot.”

“Still?” Richie asked, hating howbroken and hopeful and vulnerable his voice sounded.

“Always,” Eddie murmured into thecrown of his head, stroking his hair. Richie gratefully breathed in the scentof Eddie, a smell he’d missed, one that made his heart ache. “So fucking much.”

“I missed you,” Richie said, notsure he could handle the L-word just then.

“I missed you, too.”

Richie left shortly after that,feeling better than he had in a long time as he laid in bed. He hadn’t toldEddie how he felt; that could wait for another day. For the night, Richie wasmore than happy to adjust to other people knowing who he was. If Bev and Eddiecould love him, bisexuality and all, then maybe he could love himself, too.Maybe one day he would even be proud tosay that he was bi. He had a strong feeling that day was coming soon.

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