#I love how real their relationship feels
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Mmmm thinking about Wesper again
Jesper definitely having a crush on Kaz for a little while and then getting together with Wylan,
Wylan⌠who is heavily paralleled with Kaz throughout both books.
Wylan being incredibly kind and understanding towards him aswell as literally covering for his fuckups and red headed⌠like his father
Jesper finding someone who can match his crazy while also keep some of his more stupid decisions in check Find someone who can help him regulate his addiction and calm him down when he goes too crazy
Wylan who hasnât had really anyone pay him an ounce of positive attention in years getting together with someone who litteraly constantly flirts with him and pays attention to him (see Jesper helping Genya give him his face back)
Jesper who never faults him for his dyslexia and instead actively helps him by reading to him
Jesper who pushes him out of his comfort zone and brings out the more adventurous and bold version of himself. Who doesnât judge him and instead actively encourages him to take up more space.
Uggggg they make me crazy
I love their dynamic so much bc they are so different and similar at the same time
Like they have these little things in common, both have complicated relationships with their parents, both feel like fuckups!!!!
Itâs just that they have such different versions of their issues that complement eachother so well (and this goes for Kanej and Helnik aswell)
While Wylans dad is an abusive ass who actively attempts to injure and kill him, Jespers father genuinely loves him and wants to protect him so much that he discourages the use of his powers (the things that could get him killed).
Jespers mother dies when he was young saving a child while Wylans momâs death is faked when he is young because she is attempting to protect him. (They are both absolutely amazing)
Wylan feels like a fuckup because his father constantly told him how much of one he was for something that was out of his control, and he doesnât feel useful at all.
Jesper feels like a fuckup because he makes bad decisions and actively puts himself and Colm in danger regardless of the fact that his father wants him to be safe.
Different circumstances, similar feelings
Maybe Iâll go even more in depth into this later, and Iâm sure people have pointed these things out before but I just need to say them too bc itâs making me crazy.
#six of crows#soc#crooked kingdom#wesper#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#colm fahey#jan van eck#I love how real their relationship feels
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#âlemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of themâ .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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Have you seen my little lad?
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin zixun#Everytime I have to write his name I feel like I'm running outside in a blood rain trying not to get wet. Misspelling it feels so inevitabl#But so far so good! He doesn't have too many more appearances before he gets Cheesed.#Dear god I love it when characters go on the war path for someone they care about.#And I love it even more when you have an ambiguity between personal debt and genuine act of selflessness.#WWX saving WN is purposefully messy! Like a lot of our real life reasons for how we act - there isn't a clear single cause or answer.#Sometimes we forget that we are a collection of experiences and learnt reactions.#Sometimes we forget that what we see on the surface is not the point to address. Everyone is more complex than we think. Even yourself.#And yet...it always comes back to love doesn't it? Attachment styles and self-esteem and bonds and relationships to others.#Everything comes back to love and our perceptions of it.#WWX is on a self-destructive war path and he will absorb as much damage as he can for those he feels obligated and attached to.#Does it make him feel needed? Does it give him purpose? Does it ease anxieties of the past? I do not think there is an answer.
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Sorry. You're not mad at me, are you? Why would I? I already knew that. What? Of course I knew. You only pretended to like it to get close to me, but you're not into it. You're more into pop rock music.
THE HEART KILLERS (2024-2025) ŕšŕ¸ŕ¸˛ŕ¸ŕšŕ¸˛ŕ¸ŕšŕ¸Ťŕšŕ¸ŕ¸Ąŕ¸ŕ¸ľŕ¸ŕ¸ŕ¸ąŕ¸ŕ¸ŕšŕ¸˛ dir. Jojo Tichakorn Phukhaotong
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#userrlana#tusersilence#tuserhidden#userlinnea#esmetracks#tobelle#vishingwell#zeystuff#gif: thk#the way fadel kinda reminds me of north of fourever you... listen a bit far fetched but I have a point#like north says he is not a complicated person and ppl should be honest with him when it comes to having feelings#he don't want much. except honesty. which goes the same for fadel#he is actually not a complicated person when it comes to love#he wants earnesty in a relationship. all the fake stuff is not important#it's when you are the most yourself in a relationship this is the real you#and actually I like how style was honest and said he doesn't like heavy metal yet still went with his s/o#having different hobbies yet to support each other is so dfhsjdfhj iykyk
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for what it's worth I personally don't believe spite had anything to do with the pantry near-kiss experience at all. I think that was a 100% lucanis naturel disaster no supernatural additives present or indeed required. at most spite was watching that whole situation go down with mild puzzlement about approximately every part of it, I don't think he'd have much interest in it one way or the other. the explanation seems much more mundane and grounded and in some ways much sadder to me.
if your nervous system has never been in a place where any surge of emotion, even -- in fact sometimes especially! -- a good and exciting one makes you feel like your soul just touched a hot stove it can't get away from, then sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and without a trace of snark, thank goodness and I hope you never experience it. For the rest of you... fistbump of solidarity it's rough out here but *grits teeth* we stay silly etc. In the place lucanis is in during that part of the game, feeling like you're losing control (again even for ostensibly good happy reasons) can feel an awful lot like you're dying, or worse. on top of everything else going on for him -- again going only with non-supernatural elements and not even comprehensive: a year of non-stop horrific trauma added to pile of previous mountain of childhood and attachment trauma. chronic sleep deprivation. apparently dead grandma doubling as mother figure. cousin-brother aggressively fucking around and in real danger of finding out. fucked up the ONE thing he thought he knew how to do that's been the central pillar of his identity. the world might be ending even more than it already was because of it. keeps faceplanting with barely any dignity and having to get up again with alarming regularity GOD how could I ever not save treviso this man desperately needs a W (just one!!) like few people in the history of the world have before him. he's more caffeine than man because the alternative feels worse. it's bad in here. and ON TOP of all that he's in the process of falling just. appallingly soul-shrivingly in love, which can notably be playing on hard mode even when you're in a mostly functional place, that shit routinely rocks people to the core under the best of circumstances.
so I'm not surprised it's too overwhelming for him to handle when he tries to throw himself in head first -- in fact I'd have been more surprised if it weren't lol. he clearly wants it so much, which only makes it so much more painful that he can't actually bear to touch it when it's offered to him freely and eagerly. this is the tantalus-level awfulness of this kind of attachment trauma; food seems to be right there, you can see it, almost smell it sometimes, but no matter what you just can't seem to reach it. seemingly not for any flaw in the existence of the food, but because of something broken in you that can't or can't bear to actually eat. his deliberate flirting routine is kind of deeply dorky tbh lol (in the most endearing way possible let's be perfectly clear) and I don't think it's entirely natural to him -- that's a hastily cobbled together 'oh god I am getting the vibes here it is happening for some reason they like me for my personality quick what would illario do' approach if ever I saw it, supported by the fact that it never really makes a return after this --
BUT I do think his obvious near-unbearable delight with rook's existence and person that shines through in that scene is entirely real and unfeigned. he likes them so much. he wants so bad to be able to be close to them. he's so hungry for the reprieve and release and relief they represent to him, just for one moment, just one break from all the awfulness to have something uncomplicatedly good. and it's here, it's been offered, he's welcome!!! and he has to flinch away at the last minute anyway because he's an exposed nerve of a human being. there's a point at which every sensation including joy becomes indistinguishable from agony. he's pretty much exactly at that point. for the love of god have some mercy on him people. the feeling that salvation is right here but you're too broken a vessel to hold it is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. let him have a few moments to stare into the void before he's ready to get back up and try again surely we all deserve at least that much lol
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#this is literally just me ranting about the feelings he evokes in me and not really directed at anyone I just. I Feel. things#in case you can't tell. I'm the lucanis. him is me. we be like this. this all makes the too much kind of perfect sense to me#it's odd in narrative structure but it's uh. uncomfortably real in some ways. freeze is difficult to describe in conventional narrative#it's a bad time to have in a bad place. but very decent company to be in I must say I love him. so much#also I think we might have exposed some of the basic garrusness going on here haha (just one thing please just one good thing)#and how much getting there hinges on feeling completely safe in that relationship. anyway. everyone ok. I'm not but someone should be
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every time someone reduces CAPTAIN !!! elizabeth "lizzie" lafayette down to "a sad lesbian" a fairy dies bc i shoot it with my gun. like you're telling me you were spoon-fed a character that has one of the most realistic and RAW representations of grief and perseverance in the series and all you got from that was "she's sad" ????
is she a constantly happy character? Fuck no! that's acknowledged!! but to take EVERYTHING that she is, which has positive and negative aspects THAT ARE BOTH SHOWN, to take the fact that she is THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE MAIN BACKGROUND PLOT, and reduce her down to NOTHING but her relationships?? ?what the hell!!!
#saw someone say that lizzie was the most important npc and i cheered and then they tagged on 'bc riptide is abt sad lesbians'#like ok are we ignoring that it's ACTUALLY about living despite everything? are we ignoring that she's fighting an oppressive gvmt?#her sole motivation is NOT ava dude. RAFT is KILLING HER FRIENDS AND HER FAMILY#like you can acknowledge her relationships w ppl. in fact i ENCOURAGE you to do that#because she loves people DEEPLY even though its rare. and that alone says smthn about her.#but she's not waxing poetic about how much she misses ava. id say she's actively ignoring it#my girl is unstable as shit#idk as 1. a lesbian and 2. a person who feels grief intensely#i just. hate how she's reduced to nothing but person b in a ship#BC THE MFS THAT DO THIS HAVE A DEEPER ANALYSIS OF AVA THAN LIZZIE. DAWG AVA AINT EVEN REAL. SHES BEEN DEAD SINCE BEFORE EP 1#sigh. lizzie i love you so much.#jrwi riptide#jrwi#captain lizzie#elizabeth lafayette
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I guess what I find most funny about the 'She should call off the wedding because of Colin's entrapement line!' crowd is like. . .y'all really don't get Penelope at all, do you?
She has loved this man for YEARS. She's loved him through his engagement to someone else, she's loved him through him saying he wouldn't court her, she's loved him through multiple countries, through her family mocking their closeness, through a potential marriage to a Lord. She loved him so much she couldn't even DENY having feelings for him to save what she thought was her only chance of getting married. Do you know how easy it would have been for her to go 'No, we're just friends, I don't like him like that, you're proposing to me and that's what matters'? She couldn't denounce her feelings for him even THEN. Even when she doesn't think he reciprocates them and she's made peace with a life with Debling and is expecting his proposal. Colin was *always* first in her heart, through all those hurdles.
Because Colin has been kind in a cruel world, and he's made her laugh, and he encourages her confidence and he's warm and he's gorgeous and he centers her and he values her and he listens and makes her feel desired and beautiful. He's a good man, and her love for him makes her feel good, she treasures it. Even in the books she says it feels good to love a good person, whether he loved her back or not. And now she knows that he does and you think one line that Colin says in obvious hurt after finding out she's been hiding a secret persona for him is enough to shake that love? She spent what? Half a decade looking out her window pining for him and now on the eve of getting to live a life with him as husband and wife, she's going to chuck that away because of one sentence? How lowly do you think of her? How *stupid* do you think she is? To throw away the love of her life over what? Her pride? This fandom's OOC Fanon Pen is a disservice to Penelope's actual character.
Her love for Colin is steadfast. It's made of tougher stuff than all that. It has survived everything that has been thrown at it. Distance, other people, Portia. And y'all really, truly believe that a singular statement will make her go 'Naw, I don't want it anymore!' PUHLEASE. Even when she offers him that annulment, you KNOW she knows it's not on the table.
Stop playing. OF COURSE she didn't call off the wedding. Of COURSE she chose to understand where he was coming from and went 'I didn't mean to trap you, Colin, I love you'. Of course she asks what the marriage will be and is comforted by the fact that he still wants to go through with it.
Penelope Featherington has loved Colin most of her life. It has been one of the few constants in her existence. He has been good to her in said existence, consistently. He's listened, he's cared, he's apologized to her, he's taken ownership of his actions, he's invited her to be more open, he's joked with her, he's supported her, he saw her when she was invisible. She. Loves. Him. And for good reason.
It's not going away because of one line. Or two. Or three. Come back next time when you actually understand her.
#polin#penelope bridgerton#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#some of y'all are tripping forreal#'oh we love romance!' and then she leaves him because of one line? nawwwwwwwwww straight to jail do not pass go do not collect $200#y'all are out here living in a 'imma ghost them the second i feel like it' world but like that's just not how real relationships work#they have history and tenderness and love for each other and she's not about to quit on all that because of one setback#just like HE'S not about to quit on it all because of a setback#some peeps acting like he slapped her clean across the face and dunked her naked into a river to hold her down beneath the water#he said one thing when he was upset? like maybe ease up a little bit and try some empathy and character analysis#instead of going RIGHT to revenge and indulging your inner mean girl
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Don't ever lie to me, i understand a lot of shit, ain't no need to lie. be real with me, i respect honesty no matter how bad it is.
#Don't ever lie to me#i understand a lot of shit#ain't no need to lie. be real with me#i respect honesty no matter how bad it is.#love#life#relationship#friendship#mental health#feelings#love quotes#life qoute#daily quotes#thoughts#lines#literature#writing inspiration#writers on tumblr#qoutes#quotes#post on tumblr#quote#beautiful words#spilled thoughts#quoteoftheday#relatable quotes#reading#inspiring quotes#relationship quotes#art
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DP x DC Prompt #88
Superman didnât know how to handle having a clone. He was fighting the urge to get close to Kon, guide him in a way no one had been able to Clark, with feeling violated every time he saw the boy. He didnât want to hate Kon, but he didnât know how to balance his own emotions.Â
When Clark admits this to Batman, he suggests someone who can help: Phantom. Dani Phantom.
#finemeal prompt#dp x dc#superman#clark kent#dani phantom#i just think there's a lot of personal feelings clark has about kon#and instead of hating on clark for having emotions and not knowing how to deal with them#we have some compassion#plus in young justice he does come around and try to have a relationship with kon#he just struggles#and that's so real of him#i love you superman#you're trying your best#also i feel like dani would be able to help him from a clone's perspective#and maybe one day he'd have a conversation with danny#who knows#this was inspired by a fanfiction#The Prettiest Star by DisillusionedDanny#it's on ao3#look it up#it's so good#there's a scene in there that inspired this prompt#you'll know it once you see it#dis you're literally so talented and i love that fic btw
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my fanfiction abortion morgue is gaining another jayroy victim that is not long enough to clean up for ao3. this was going to be a very long and meandering noodle about in the river that is jason's mental health and trauma and relationships of all types and healing and the asexual/aromantic spectrum (not that that's the verbage jason would use or language hes even aware of) and low sex drives all that beautiful muck and mire but i have not put a single word on it in well over a year now. so i'm letting her go. be free little fish.
-
Theyâre better now, anyways, better than they ever were before. Jason had a crisis a few months back, stopping himself from reaching reflexively for his phone to give Dick a call about- nothing important. And then he had realized that he had reflexively gone to call Dick about nothing important, and had gone and stared out the window for 15 minutes, trying to work himself into a different, less horrifying conclusion than the one gathering in his brain like an avalanche. Roy had come home in the middle of it, taken one look at his face and dropped his bag on the floor with a thunk.
âHoly shit,â he said. âWho died?â
âI like him,â Jason said, somewhere between incredulous and horrified. âThat cunt, that motherfucker- he made me actually like him-,â
âWho?â
âDick!â Jason had shouted. âThat piece of shit, I want to spend time with him, hours out of my actual human life that I canât get back-,â
Roy had proceeded to laugh in his face for a solid ten minutes, positively gleeful about Jasonâs horrible emotional crisis. âHe does that to you, man,â he said once theyâd settled in, still chuckling as he cracked open a can of soda, posted up on their couch with Ethiopian takeout in his lap. âOne minute youâre sitting there thinking oh my god, this guy, heâs so loud and annoying-,â
âAnd he never fuckinâ stops moving,â Jason groaned from his spot laying on the floor below him. âHis body or his mouth. And he chews loud, heâs obnoxious on purpose, and heâs a model and dated Kory but half the time he dresses like something a goodwill dumpster threw up-,â
âHave you seen his new shoes?â Roy asked. âI dress like dogshit, man, but those things-,â
âWally got them for him,â Jason said, and then immediately slapped his hands over his face, horrified that he knew that. Roy laughed again. âHeâs constantly in your fuckinâ business! Constantly! Last time I saw him he knew the social security numbers of the baristas in the coffee shop Iâd been going to-,â
âHe gets enabled,â Roy muttered, shoveling injera into his mouth.
âHe gets enabled!â Jason said. âEveryone enables him! I enable him! And god, his fucking- puns, man, his quips, weâre all guilty of it but this is a fight, not comedy hour, and even if it was youâd get booed off the stage-,â
âHe texted me what he said to Mr. Freeze two weeks ago and I wanted to eat my phone,â Roy said. âItâs amazing no villains kill themselves after he hands their asses to them, I would be humiliated.â
âHe sucks!â Jason snapped.Â
âHe sucks,â Roy agreed. âAnd then you look around one day at your life-,â
âAnd you go oh shit, I think this motherfuckerâs alright!â Jason mimed hitting himself in the face with Royâs abandoned house slipper. âFuck! Whatâs fucking wrong with me?â
Roy laughed at him, again. âDick Grayson Derangement Syndrome gets us all in the end,â he said. Jason curled a hand around his bare ankle, and Roy looked down to smile at him, the smallest touch making his whole face bloom open like a rose. Jason had to look away from it, wanting to say: stop. No. You know Iâm not enough. You know Iâm not like you. You know I canât give you enough.
Heâs been wanting to say that a lot, these days. Toss Roy off the sinking ship with a lifeboat before he has to wake up one day, years on, and realize heâs wasted years with Jason, who canât love that loud.
He wanted to call Dick about it, which was another horrible realization. Hi big bird, Iâm having boy problems. Dick would probably tell him that it means more that Jason has to try, that wanting to try for it is selfless, makes it more significant, which is the kind of thinking that lands a motherfucker in bed with Barbara Gordon, who is enough like Jason to warrant a comparison, but not enough to call her and ask what he should do. Babs loves like the Bolton Strid, and sometimes Jason isnât sure he loves at all. Not like that.
Jason isnât nearly as selfless as Dick is convinced he is, not deep down. Because he doesnât want to let Roy go at all.
Itâs late, well into the witching hours, and theyâre laying in bed in what was formerly Royâs bedroom but now holds them both, blinds cracked to let the streetlights through. Jason doesnât like the dark. Royâs threatening to buy an eyemask. Jason thinks itâs stupid to blind yourself to potential attackers. Neither of them have brought up going back to sleeping separately. Royâs nose is pressed between Jasonâs shoulder blades, breath humid through his shirt. Not asleep yet, but close. Jasonâs books are proliferating on Royâs shelves, his boxers in Royâs laundry basket, garrotte wires coiled next to bow strings on the desk that has framed photos, past-Jasonâs mouth a little white slash in the bar of orange streetlamp.
Something is clawing at the inside of Jasonâs chest, scrabbling like a wild little animal. Trying to dig its way through his spine, into Roy. It hurts.
He shifts, turns over, pushes Roy over onto his back and rolls on top of him, propped up on his elbows to look down at him. Roy grunts, half-awake and confused, but takes his weight. He blinks blearily up at Jason, a crease between his eyebrows- Jason must look intense right now. âJaybird?â he starts, quiet.
Jason knows this feeling- as all-consuming as it is- is fleeting. Itâll be gone in the morning, and heâll forget it was ever here. He wonât be able to recall its bite until it comes back around again, like Halleyâs comet. He should say something now, while he has it. While he feels it. So Roy can know itâs real. He just doesnât know how to describe it.
âJase,â Roy says, sounding more concerned, âJason, whatâs-,â
âSomething in here,â Jason interrupts, putting a hand on his own chest, a thudding sound of muscle on muscle, âWants to eat you.â God, he feels dumb. Heâs not good at this, he sounds so much better in his head. His words come out of his mouth sour and curdled and stupid, thereâs a reason he doesnât try to talk about this shit-
Roy lights up, slow at first, then all at once, his face creasing up in his smile like old paper, following familiar folds. Jason feels his toes curl next to his calves, his feet pointing and flexing in excitement. Jason wishes he could make himself smile back, anything other than the dead-eyed concentration he knows heâs wearing right now, but the weight in his ribs is too real and too wild for that- if his teeth come out this might get literal. He wants to crack open Royâs sternum with his bare hands, climb in like a contortionist and slam it shut behind him.
âReally?â Roy asks, small and soft and giddy. Jason nods, serious. Royâs teeth dig into his bottom lip, smiling so wide his nose is wrinkling up, little inky lines in the artificial twilight. âCool,â he says.Â
Jasonâs hands spasm in the sheets next to Royâs head. âRoy,â he starts, âCan I-,â stops. Doesnât know what he wants. Maybe just to look at him until the sun comes up, just to watch the light turn his freckles from a smear in the dim to pinprick-sized marigolds. Maybe to go to sleep on him like this, the thunder of his heart under Jasonâs cheek. Maybe he wants everything. Maybe he wants to be the greediest son of a bitch in Gotham.Â
âYou can do anything,â Roy promises, and the sincerity in his voice makes the thing chewing on Jasonâs lungs shake. âAnything you want. Iâll let you do everything.â
Jason drops his head against Royâs chest with a grunt like heâs just been punched, unable to choke it back. He pushes himself up- Roy makes a quiet, sad noise, grabbing for him- and fumbles the bedside lamp on. He wants to see everything. Royâs pupils are huge, even in the light heâs flinching from, irises that strange half-color, too dark for blue or green and too flat for hazel and too light to be brown. His cowlickâs sending his hair in every direction at the left temple, and heâs still smiling at Jason, like he canât help it. Jason doesnât know what to do, now that heâs here. A restaurant with an infinite menu. What he wants is strange, probably. Not how normal people want things, not what they want. Jason is off-putting, sometimes on purpose, frequently not, and he doesnât know how this will come across. But Roy said he could have anything. Whatever he wanted. Giving up all of himself, for nothing. For free.Â
Jason should take it. Roy will stop him, if he needs it. He puts his mouth on the cowlick, not a kiss, tucks his nose into Royâs hair and breathes in deep. The nothing-smell of hair thatâs not clean but not dirty. Royâs hands are pressing into his lats, his legs spreading and crossing behind Jasonâs thighs, holding him there. Jason curls both his hands around Royâs skull, presses gently, cradling his head- all of Roy is in there, somehow, and he needs to be careful with it. His skull feels too small to hold something so important, too fragile.Â
Jason drags his thumbs over his eyebrows, presses a thumbnail into the scar bisecting the left one- string snap, Roy told him, nearly took that eye out. Royâs looking up at him still, and theyâre close enough that Jason could count his eyelashes, if he wanted. He runs his fingers over Royâs ears, feeling the cartilage, gently pinches the flesh of his earlobe, over the hole where he used to have gauges. He moves down to Royâs neck, puts his hands around his throat, doesnât squeeze. He feels it when Royâs breath hitches. Roy shuts his eyes, swallows, his Adam's apple moving under Jasonâs palms.Â
Jason bites him where his neck meets his shoulder, hard. He thinks about being normal, trying to make it a hickey- but Roy jerks hard beneath him with a strangled noise and that thing in Jasonâs chest makes him hold that position until Roy stops moving, until the bolt of his jaw aches. He lets go, spit shining around the deep purple indents in Royâs skin. Roy lets out a shaking breath, eyes still shut.
Roy already knows heâs an inscrutable freak, Jason decides. Heâs going to do everything heâs ever looked at Roy and thought about doing, everything he thought might be weird that heâs ever refrained from. Roy wonât run.
If he does, well. Jason will chase him. Roy is the one who said he was locking Jason down, said nobody in or out. He canât get too mad if Jason takes him up on it.
He presses his nose near Royâs armpit. The sharp, live smell of his sweat in Jasonâs lungs, muted by whatever axe deodorant he uses that always makes Jason think of a cold wet morning. He rubs his mouth over Royâs deltoid, teeth dragging. Jason pushes up and kneels with his thighs on either side of Royâs torso, picks up an arm, runs his hands over Royâs bicep, digs his thumbs into his elbow. Puts Royâs thumb in his mouth, tastes skin and salt, bites the draw calluses on his fingers, gentle. Does the other arm too, to keep it even. Royâs breathing slow and even, looking at Jason again as he shoves his mouth into Royâs wrist until he can feel the pulse against his lower lip. Royâs trying to caress his face with that hand, canât quite manage more than a brush of his fingertips against Jasonâs ear.Â
Jason knows what he should say here. What he hasnât been saying, because he knows itâs not the same as how Roy will say it, thinking that it will somehow be a lie because the meaningâs different. But itâs words, which are only stories. There is nothing in a story that is a lie, and no analysis that is wrong, with supporting evidence. Which Jason has, which Jason has always had. Roy at his right shoulder. Never wanting anyone else at his back. Saying to Dick: if there wasnât Roy, there wouldnât be anybody. The way they keep finding each other at the lowest of lows, facedown in bottles or looking down barrels of guns to see if they can spot the bullet. Standing there feeling stupid in the holes theyâve dug, pickaxes in hand, before turning and finding the other, just as deep as they are. Saying: gimme a boost and Iâll give you a hand.
Even if he doesnât mean it in the same way, he means it. I want you, I want you, I want you. The inflection changes the meaning, but only by the barest degrees.Â
âI love you,â Jason says, and heâs not lying, because he means them, even if itâs not always how he thinks he should.
#my writing#jayroy#important to note that JASON'S thoughts on his position on the ace/aro spectrum may not be the most woke or whatever. THE AUTHOR (ME) think#that whatever jazzes your music is great and wonderful#Jason's thoughts are very complicated and he is dealing with a deep and wide trauma base and is not aware of the asexual/aromantic labels#this is not a âthis is how YOU should feel!â this is a âhow would a character w/o access to that type of language or emotional awareness#handle a situation where he has One Person who he does not know how he feels about just that he cannot let this person out of his life#and feels poorly because he thinks he is 'not enough' or 'does not feel enough' compared to that person? and is worried he will hurt them?"#& trusting and respecting someone enough to believe in them that they know the whole you and are making the choice to be in this#relationship with you with their eyes open and are okay with what they are getting and not trying to throw them out to 'protect them'#i at the time was having some real in depth thoughts about this stuff wrt the guy who i am now dating (he knows this)#and his position on these spectrums and my location on these spectrums etc. it kind of a little bit was a love letter to him.#anyways. it was going to be long and in depth and complicated and i just dont have room in my heart for long complicated in depth jayroy#at the moment. alas#i also then had my trans woman jason epiphany/sign from god and this was going to get EVEN MORE COMPLICATED#just not the threads i want to weave with anymore#if you read all these tags WOW
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like âi'm about to tear this commenter in twainâ and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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Will we ever see any designes or concept art for Spencer's siblings? Besides his younger brother mallard?
How many siblings does Spencer have?
What do you think Spencer looked like when he was younger?
spencer has 8 siblings, with him being the third oldest. in order from oldest to youngest is nigel (named after the gresleysâ very distant relative), golden shuttle, spencer, mallard, bittern, gadwall, osprey, dominion of canada, and peregrine. most of these arenât their real names in casa tidmouth but I put them here anyways so you know which lner a4 theyâre âbased offâ
at the moment, I donât have sketches of them because I need to think about their designs (dominion of canada looks oddly similar to mallard, and I need to give at least one of them a full beard AND HAVE ANOTHER NATURAL BLONDIE), but I do have a plan to show them alongside gordonâs late siblings and their updated designs.
speaking of younger spencer though, I managed to finish this mini lineup of the three most recurring gresleys in their smallest states.
younger spencer enjoyed pulling younger gordon into his stupid ideas like climbing trees or stealing a flower pot from the neighborâs yard because heâs easily convinced and spencer promised to give gordon 50 pounds if he does it. in reality spencer just wanted to see gordon get grounded for once. spencer would also try to pin the blame on gordon when they get caught but nobody would believe him. then heâll get a flick to the forehead by younger scott. such is the suite life of the gresleys when things were more peaceful
#asks#isjssjsjshuuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyy#thomas and friends#ttte gordon#ttte flying scotsman#ttte spencer#casa tidmouth#senjart#gresleys and their big families breh#spencerâs family are the negative foils to gordonâs#theyâre all still alive (I guess) and in tact but emotionally distant due to the blue eyes white demon#while gordonâs siblings are gone sans one but they all loved each other#as you can see. scott was gordonâs favorite sibling#scottâs real patient with him and understands about anything gordon wants to say#while spencer is like Heheheh my innocent cousin would NOT expect this one idea from me#I need to stop talking about gordon and scottâs relationship here because the more I think about how they ended up the more I feel unwell!
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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not to be so extremely obnoxiously predictable but uh. obsessed with the implications of lucanis' insight that 'he has to live with the fact that if he had only managed to tell her 'no' one time, none of this would ever have happened' as to what solas regrets the most in giving the dagger to mythal in that memory. okay guy who notoriously has not told his grandmother no once in his whole entire life and in fact does not seem to believe that's really an option, existentially. alright. please stand still for a while I need to study you intently for how much of this you realize consciously and how much of it will be Coming For You post-game lmao
ETA: ohoho actually it's even better, I got it mixed up -- it's not the part about the dagger he says that about, it's the part where solas didn't want to take on a physical form but did it anyway. for her. that's even better
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#the repressed resentment in both of lucanis' primary interpersonal relationships before the veilguard gang makes me nuts#he really has just buried that stuff so deep six feet will seem like pathetic baby shit here watch this the depths of earth's molten core#the love IS also there just as strong and just as true. should it be. well. I have an opinion but that's not for me to decide for him#(as is frequently how witnessing that situation will have you feeling in real life too lol)
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naĂŻve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship â one he got into as a child, essentially â and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much âhe was a boy she was a girlâ to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists â a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy â makes that clear to me#and the âlove confessionâ in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choiceâŚ#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their âgolden coupleâ LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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