#I love being a cog in the machine that is capitalism

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona trio house headcanons

So I said in a post that I cant find because I've made like 30 headcanon posts that the trio’s house is a perfect combination of them

But I feel like I’ve been purposefully vague about where they would live because I didn’t really have an idea before now but now I do 

Imagine literally any Disney cottage and you have it 

It’s a small three bedroom two bath single floor unassuming little thing 

There’s enough room for all of them and an office but if they hadn't been through Hell and back together it would feel stupid cramped  

They live in a heavily forested area that has a decent amount of houses around it with enough space between them to give the comfort of privacy 

When they bought the cottage they were really looking for qualities that they would all enjoy 

The cottage being surrounded by trees was actually really beneficial for Nimona 

It actually kept her from leaving for a very long time because she spent a solid 6 months mapping out the forest and discovering new things almost every day 

It was far enough from the city that Ambrosius felt like he could breathe 

This was the first time when paparazzi weren’t within arms reach and when he realized that he cried tears of joy 

And the house was enough of a fixer upper to give Bal something to do for at least 2 years 

The house was very old by their standards so he spent months figuring out how he was going to renovate it before they even signed the papers 

Their neighbors are also saints who know no one as high profile as those three move all the way out there for fun

They came over to offer housewarming gifts like food and other things but they mostly keep to themselves unless they need something or are explicitly invited

This was a breath of fresh air because for some reason the people in the city were unusually nosy 

You’d think it would be the opposite but no their apartment neighbors wouldn’t leave them the hell alone 

You’d also think that they would hate the trek to and from work and that it would be harder to lose paparazzi but again no

The three of them love long car rides and the heavily forested area makes it easy for them to lose them in the trees 

Their new neighbors also noticed that they did things like keeping the outside of their house as unassuming as possible 

Like Ambrosius planted flowers outside and they have some knickknacks that are too big for the living room 

But the house is painted a similar color to the rest of the area 

They also park their vehicles behind the house and make sure their names aren’t visible on the outside of the house 

And the curtains are drawn most of the time 

So the neighbors do little things like park their cars behind their houses so this habit doesn’t seem weird or text the boys when they see an unfamiliar vehicle driving down the street 

Or let them know to stay in the city for a little longer cause someone has driven back and forth down the road at least 10 times 

Every time they do this Ambrosius and Nimona bake them something or Bal offers to help them around their house 

Literally anything to show how undeniably grateful they are for all their help

And most of the time the neighbors turn down the help and share the food the trio made with them 

Because they’ve done more than enough already

[hrrtshape]

this isn’t a question i just want to yap bc u sound like u would like to hear about this stuff

but naturally as someone with higher intelligence i like to think about things a lot and ask questions and form my own opinions and theories about things regarding research and such

and i’ve come to the conclusion that people who disregard shifting as false or mental illness are of lower intelligence and have no sense of self. they disregard philosophy, neuroscience, sociology, and other forms of science because shifting/manifesting goes against the idea that their logic is always correct and never flawed (in that sense, they are right— one who says they will shift, will, and one who says they won’t shift, won’t, to put it simply). but with the logic they are using, they are condemning themselves to an existence of suffering

these people are content with being cogs in a corporate machine. even if they are creative or imaginative, they still hold a standard of mental health criteria that directly relates to how people function under intense capitalism and oligarchy. they think they’re normal because they get up and work their 9-5 and feed their families and repeat the same thing every day. they can’t imagine even having a sense of control over any aspect of their lives.

i think it’s anti human to disregard shifting, among other things. as intelligent creatures compared to other species (who are no less deserving of respect despite, might i clarify), we are naturally curious. we want to build and create and nourish ourselves, both mentally and physically. we want life and community and love and food and to have fun and enjoy ourselves. in current societal structure, that is flattened, nuked, obliterated. anything that isn’t contributing to an oligarchs income is disregarded, because the art, philosophy, music, and culture of working regular people isn’t important to them. and unfortunately, many working people are so affected by propaganda and the belief that rich people are better and stronger is enough to paralyze them. and therefore, we’re turned enemies with the ordinary people, and seen as crazy for even thinking of something that doesn’t align with a capitalist lifestyle because this society is so focused on toppling each other just for a chance to get to the top. there’s no community, no understanding, no gentle or kind nature. we have completely disregarded the power of our own minds as humans, and these people have therefore lost their humanity.

they don’t even know what happens after they die, so how can they know all that happens when they live if they don’t even try to think of anything else?

just wanted to share. :P

you're so right !!!! imagine living in a world where human innovation has birthed quantum mechanics, existentialist philosophy, surrealist art, and entire simulated realities. but you draw the line at moving your consciousness somewhere else. be serious.

your take on capitalism hijacking imagination is so painfully true it makes me want to eat drywall. like yeah, of course, society doesn’t want people believing they have infinite power. how else do you get them to clock in at target for 8 bucks an hour? we’ve literally been gaslit out of our own potential.

also "they don’t even know what happens after they die, so how can they know all that happens when they live" is some next-level, put-it-on-a-plaque, tattoo-it-on-my-rib energy. 10/10. keep thinking. keep yapping !!!!!

[fuck-customers]

Got a new coworker at work and she's already getting on my last nerve. She's a boomer, so obviously she's one of those 'I love working and being an insignificant cog in the corporate machine' types. So far she's tried to advocate for us to deep clean the place EVERY NIGHT because it's "not clean enough" (my work place isn't dirty, we do thorough cleans during close and deep cleaning jobs are handled on a rotating basis but ofc, as with every place, there is your standard amount of dust and grime) and is insisting that we should come in early unpaid. She's also the type who gets really passive aggressive if you stop working for longer then a minute.

The other night I had to handle stocktake. When I got to our frozen goods I decided to lean against the adjacent counter will counting everything out because why the fuck not - I'd just finished moving a lot of heavy product around and I was sore. She comes past, looks at me, and goes "if it were me, I'd be pulling everything out, cleaning the fridge and rearranging it all neatly WHILE counting". Okay?? What do you want, a fucking medal?? Cause corporate won't give you one, let alone a 5 cent raise for going 'above and beyond'. I'm not making $100 an hour, so they're not getting that level of work off me. I'm not a suck up, I'm not here because I love capitalism; I have bills to pay and the job is a means to an end. If they stopped paying me, I'd stop coming in, it's that simple. How do people like this actually exist?? Like, I'm glad she's not the usual dopey, lazy ass new hires we've been getting but goddamn there's gotta be a good middle ground between that and authoritarian robot employee.

Posted by admin Rodney

[blurredfloweryblood]

I wanted to add to my last post about Anya and her lack of understanding as a character (since the point is that neither Curly or Jimmy see her as a person, thus, she is never known as who she is. We don't know how Anya is because they don't care about her.) But I forgot to mention how Curly romantizes Anya (not in a possible romantic interest), again, as this helpless thing that made the impulsive decision of taking a gun. Like a child who yells at an injustice that's not that deep or is being reprimanded justly.

And Jimmy objectifies her. And one could argue that it's the same thing, that both don't see her truly as a person, rather as a reflection of their own ideals and state of mind, she is the road that they use to guide their own view of the world, and women, but the difference is that, not only Jimmy has no guilt for what he's done to her, rather, he feels entitled to do what he wants with her. And maybe this is waaaay too obvious for a lot of people, but still it has been in my mind for a day, that the way he objectifies her is through envy and disgust. Jimmy doesn't like Anya, since he antagonizes her and doesn't take seriously her job as a nurse, she is this ugly thing that he can use and abuse. Since she is not a person, it doesn't matter what he does, right? Since she is just a faceless woman, among the hundreds of other women that are in the world, why should anyone care about her specifically? He is, probably unconsciously, aware of the fact that in the corporate structure that is Pony Express, they don't matter at all. They wake up, oil the machine and hope to get a smidge of money that's not going to last. So, if he doesn't matter, she doesn't matter as well.

I guess it also has to correlate with his envy towards Curly and his reluctant ascension, because Curly doesn't want to be where he is, but Jimmy does due to the empty promises that capitalism gives us as a whole. Steady job, good money, and all that. But again, he is aware that he's just the co pilot, and he's there because of Curly, not because they chose him. Rather, Curly is not totally faceless. But Anya is, and if he doesn't matter, nobody else does. Not Daisuke, not Swansea, not Anya. In the game it is stated (through Jimmy's actions) that he doesn't listen to anyone on the fucking ship. He ignores Swansea's warnings about the vent, Anya's concern about the sugar in the mouthwash that's basically useless, and Daisuke's personality overall.

They are all meaningless and stupid, and they are all in the middle of space. What's one nurse when there are thousands more? What's one little abuse of power when she is just another name in the system, because there's a lot of other Anyas. Meaning that she doesn't need any respect or any space in his head. Truly reflecting how capitalism marginalizes and encourages rape culture as well as turning a blind eye towards abuse of power. If the cargo shipment arrives, which is something so fucking ridiculous as is mouthwash, then what does it matter if somebody used a gun, or if someone was hurt? It doesn't matter. They don't matter. Nobody will look for them if no one asks. Abandoned in space, lost names and faceless beings. Their names bellow somebody else's. What's one more fired employee? Just another little cog to replace, there are thousands of people pushing each other off the ladder. So why would anyone mourn a Daisuke? Or an Anya? or a Swansea?

Anyways yeah, I just wanted to add more about Anya, because I truly do love her. She is unknown, since nobody even spared a thought for her. Her only conscious decision was to end her life, because she herself knew that in the end, nobody would care. Nobody cared in the first place, why would they do it now? What would they do? She knew that Jimmy would kill her or threaten her given that she was pregnant and that Curly would placate her, promising things that he won't do, while covering it up. She was right, always right. But she doesn't matter in the big picture. As long as she doesn't ruin it with her dullness, why would anybody listen to her?

And if they could see the dead pixel among the grainy moonlight, they would just try to erase it or lighten it up, forcing it to be a part of the bigger picture. Because your individuality doesn't matter, when you are just another one of the others that come before you and after you, who won't hesitate to take your place. It doesn't matter who you are, because everyone knows that once you enter the mouth of the beast, you are just another piece of flesh. Nobody cares about the animal that's killed, they just care about the meat they're going to put in their mouths. You don't matter when you are an amalgamation of other fish. Because there is a last day. And then another, and another, until you drop dead.

[schrodingersjigsaw]

Sorry, but I'm going to have to (at least partially) side with your dad here. Effie is absolutely complicit in the Games... In Sunrise, Effie herself expresses how much she believes in the Games' necessity. Yes, it's because of propoganda, but that doesn't negate her part in everything. She "stumbled into the job" because of her experience and expertise and because she wanted to help her sister. To Capital citizens this is a big deal! A huge career opportunity! While her intentions were not bad, she did not take the job to help save the lives of district kids. She is not an inherently evil person, and is very lovable, and she absolutely changes by the end of the series. However, to say she is not complicit is kind of naive. To use your analogy, she is a small, well meaning cog in the Hunger Games machine, but that cog is one reason the machine runs so smoothly.

I love Effie! But don't take away her agency by pretending she was not part of the problem and had some major learning to do to get to where she is in Mockingjay.

Perhaps I should've specified; I don't think Effie is completely innocent, but my dad is of the opinion District 13 should've executed her lmao.

The reasons I give Effie some grace is because my interpretation of her character is that, at best, she's uncomfortable with the games (like some characters in tbosas), and I think this shows in the way she treats the tributes. I compare her to Drusilla quite a lot; she could show disdain for the tributes, treat them like dogs like Drusilla, but she (in her own propaganda, capitol-esque way) tries to do as right as she can by her tributes. In sotr she mentions that there's problems associated with being a Trinket due to her family's history, so I'm sure she did jump on the escort position! It was a way to drag her family out of the hole they were in, but she could've just treated it like a job. She could've been power hungry, and used it as a way to the top, but she continuously did things that weren't really in her job description, or at least not in the extent she did. She didn't need to support Haymitch when he was in the launch room. She didn't need to treat Haymitch with kindness when he was spiraling after the games (she could've gone a less sloppy Magno route). She didn't need to comfort Katniss when she did. (Albeit this was more pronounced in the movies, but) she didn't need to treat her, Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta as a team, and she certainly didn't need to get emotionally attached to any of them. But she did.

Additionally, yes she does make a few comments in sotr and thg about the games necessity, but I always read those scenes as a result of nearby cameras. As shown in tbosas, even capitol citizens are not safe to talk down about the games and (if my memory serves) most/all of her talking about the games' necessity is a quick addition after showing sympathy for Katniss/Haymitch or saying something that could be construed as anti-capitol/the hunger games. I think Effie is much smarter than many give her credit for, and through some of her actions I think she was not fully on board with the child murder games, but she's not allowed to vocalize any of those ideas. I don't remember if in sotr it said her grandparents were executed for being rebel sympathizers, but that was always the assumption I made, and that would put you on edge.

And at the end of Mockingjay when Katniss describes Effie as having 'empty eyes' after her imprisonment? I know they don't go into detail about what exactly happened to her, but given how animated and lively Effie was, I have a feeling the implication is that some pretty heinous shit was done to her- and, as a result, crushed any remaining soft feelings she may have had for the capitol.

I'm not trying to remove her agency and say she was a capitol rebel on the level of, say, Plutarch, but I think people tend to be harsh on their view of her. I think that similarly to the prep team and some citizens of the capitol, they were cogs that helped the machine run smoothly, but I also think that- to an extent- two/three generations of mind-numbing propaganda, an inability to speak out without threat to your life, and an inability to make a livelihood without helping the machine run will leave you with your hands tied and your mouth stitched shut. Is she complicit? Yes. Can I necessarily blame her for it, or wish her ill because of it? Not really, personally.

A lot of this is personal interpretation tho, which is part of why I like these books so much; the characters are complicated and it leaves a LOT of room for personal interpretation!! I also did not mean to write an essay lmao, I just have MANYMANY thoughts on all the characters XD

[birdiethepoet]

womanhood is my cursed commercial prison. i want to exist but must do in the confines of oppressive expectations, or be condemned. i want temporary love and intimacy but i know it’s bad for me. nothing hurts more than empty human interaction. please don’t leave me on a shelf to be objectified, but please let me be something. not a doll to be beautiful. isn’t it awful how i want to be beautiful anyway? has capitalism made me this shallow or was i always meant to be morally dubious and hypocritical? is the universal human experience, that we all suffer, something i remind myself to numb how complicit i am in my suffering? i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know. we are condemned to a system that doesn’t love, and capitalists prey on carefully constructed insecurities that actually, seriously, don’t matter. the beauty industry is bullshit. you were born and now you must hate yourself. the fact you breathe in crisp air and appreciate simple walks and sweet pastries should be enough, but it never is. become one with the machine. you’re a useless, feminine cog in a system that hates you and teaches you to succumb to these fanciful, idiotic expectations because this is how you survive. this! can you believe it? being a woman means living as a third-person observer to your own life. constantly wondering if you’re beautiful to anyone and how to be more attractive. then you’re demonised for thinking it. it’s not your fault for being socialised to be this way, but it might be your fault for perpetuating it. narcissism is the death of human empathy, especially for women. what is the answer to it all?

[mori-memoria]

Just Watched: Mickey 17

My reviews on Letterboxd aren't really interesting, since I write them in the time it takes for the credits to roll while the movie is still fresh in my mind. But since I've had time to think about it more, I want to ramble for a little bit!

Funnily enough, I actually didn't know that Bong Joon Ho also directed the movie Snowpiercer (which was alright), and after figuring that out I definitely see the similarities. Mickey 17 seems like his most refined and coherent English-language film as compared to his others, and I really enjoyed it. It's a strong social commentary on capitalism, gaining power through self-sacrifice, and the idea of being 'a cog in the machine'. I personally think that the sci-fi genre is a perfect canvas for making culturally relevant statements on the human condition.

Getting into the actual plot of the movie now, it's very interesting that most of the members of the Niflheim colony being fanatic supporters of Mark Ruffalo's character, Kenneth Marshall, immediately sets Mickey apart from the majority. On top of being an expendable, it's obvious most of his shipmates barely even see him as human, only wanting to ask him what it feels like to die. Even characters that Mickey saw as his friends, like Kai and Timo, are quick to abandon him with little to no remorse. The characterization of Mickey feels like most 'average joe' workers in the current world, suffering under the bootheels of people more wealthy/powerful than them while working themselves to death (in this case it's more literal) for a meager salary. This also shows up as Toni Collette's character Ylfa is obsessed with making these weird 'sauces' from the native species of Niflheim that her husband is planning to exterminate, quite literally devouring the subjugated. So many things were said in passing that were so impactful because they had a sense of normalcy for the setting, like Kenneth mentioning 'the church/company' presumably implying an organization of his supporters that worship him like a god, as well as a removal of the separation of church and state. Also, I'm not sure how tall Robert Pattinson is, but he has a talent for making himself seem so much smaller than other characters in the shot.

Through it all, Mickey and Nasha's relationship being a grounding rod for Mickey, and symbolizing a desire to live and experience happiness and love was such a beautiful idea. I really love how much she actually cared for him, staying with Mickey through every death. The scene when he was dying of nerve gas exposure as she held him strangely reminded me of La Pieta, which I hope was intentional. The symbolism of the name of planet Niflheim is cool as well? It's a region of the afterlife Hel in norse mythology, that serves as a symbol of harsh and primal environmental forces that cannot be controlled.

There were still a few things that I personally wish got touched on more? like what the creepers eat or how they live, and the whole thing with Kai could've been talked about a little more in my opinion. Her and Nasha really only had one conversation on screen, what motivation did Kai have to give her the finger (it felt sarcastic but still) during the ending speech?

All in all, I ended up rating Mickey 17 a 4.5/5 and now that it's 3am, I'll be going to bed.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #23

23. POLAND Luna - "The Tower" 29th place

Decade Ranking: 85/153 [Above Luke Black, below Tvorchi]

POLITICS CLAIMS ITS FIRST VICTIM!!! ORACLE NATALIA WAS RIGHT!!

JK, I wish that were canon, but I cannot reverse-engineer our reality into a fiction where Serbia qualifies over Poland by a hair because they blanked them after Xi's visit hijacked the live broadcast.

Anyway, this section of the ranking is always chaotic and inconsistent. Bad songs with acts that made me lol, alongside kind of charming hopeless filler, alongside great songs with painfully bad lives.

Enter "The Tower". People been saying it's a bland, generic song and as is often the case in a democracy, the people are fucking WRONG!!!! Quirky indie wenches with brittle voices singing metaphorical build-me-up synthpop is MY safe zone and you won't make me leave it!

This came with the addition of Luna having the best warbled pronunciation since Maggie Burger ("BREAUXKEN BAWDEEZ SCAATERT FRUE MAHISTERRY" OB*SESSED*.) and being relatably bad at chess (same, girl.) I refused to believe Luna was birthed into this world. She emerged fully formed from a pod, (designed by the same crazy medical students that have now captured Slimane to use his live voice as ethical (for the patient) cancer therapy), created with the sole purpose of fitting the template of a Bubblecore Fave. Luna represents EXACTLY the sort of act I would love to overrate at my leisure.

Sadly... nope. It all kinda went the way of Roxen in Malmö. It was badly performed and badly mixed. I feel like a lot of Poles (I'd say "people" but do "Poles" count as such? Isn't selling your entire soul for the first bad banger a mandatory initiation for Eurofan Poles?) would just scapegoat Luna because THAT WITCH BEAT JUSTYNA, but I disagree. I sympathize with her and I think her team did her dirty. This Polish NQ was a group effort and Luna was only one cog in that machine. 🙂 Besides, Justyna deserved a break from the spotlight so she can enjoy her four remaining Christmases.

The capital mistake was to not recognize the level of performance maturity Luna had. She's fairly inexperienced and not the most powerful vocalist. She's also NOT a dancer. At the time of the contest she was at a level of "can hold a tune when standing still, on a good day."

So if she struggles to perform the act you've planned, somebody's got to step in and make it so she can perform it every time.

Simplify and practice it until she's able to do it.

and do not, for the love of Sennek, make her MOVE WHILE SINGING?!!

LET HER CONCENTRATE ON HER VOCALS, YOU SHITS.

WE ALL SAW HOW ROXEN MURDERIZED FOUR SONGS INTO AN EARLY GRAVE FOUR YEARS AGO AND THEN DIED THE FOLLOWING YEAR WITH AMNESIA UNDER AN ELABORATE CHOREO.

HOW HAVE SOME DELEGATIONS STILL NOT LEARNED THIS EASY, ESSENTIAL STAGING LESSON?!

IF YOUR PEFORMER CANNOT SING + MOVE, PICK ONE ("sing" unless she's Kaleen) AND STICK TO IT. FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO ADD IN MOMENTUM.

(lol sorry for the rant but i'm writing these late at night on whatever energy reserves I have left so I can to keep up with 1 update per day. Anger's all I have left. 😔)

It's not like the MV didn't offer an easy way into good Eurovision-friendly staging. Dear TVP, what exactly was wrong with this?

Just stick her in the middle of the cross on a podium, and drape finery around her until she resembles the titular tower. The song was about self-discovery and growth, and that would send the message across with minimal confusion.

But Poland went with what they went with and sigh. It was the opposite of Slovenia, really - it looked AMAZING but didn't really compensate from the fact that it sounded VERY BAD.

But if the staging looked that good, then why was it bad? Well, Poland had a concept, an idea and it could have worked, but it didn't.

Conceptually, this is good staging. The backdrops and floordrops were rad and the chess-themed styling worked gave it a beautiful and unique feel like we'd never seen before.

However, it came across as Poland making an attempt at directing the part of Europe that weren't on Xi Jinping's visit schedule away from their song, and this an erroneous display of disrespect. Visualize according to what the song needs in order to shine as a song. Don't obfuscate it with flourishes that don't synergize with it.

There were too many elements. You don't need three chess piece dancers, AND LED sorcery AND an elaborate choreography AND two giant rook props AND two fucking dress changes (one of which happened in wideshot because ofc it did).

The beauty of Art is knowing what elements you can keep and which you can (and should) take away. (does not apply to "minimalist art" which lands somewhere between "decoration" and "scam".) Simplify, rather than complicate. Don't thrown in all the ideas you have as a Hail Mary (notice that this route is often taken by desperate countries that are notoriously shit at Eurovision - Poland, Denmark, Malta, etc). Test out which elements work, and choose those that suit the artist the best.

Poland's failure is choosing excessive staging that pushed too hard for (1) a performer who was not ready to execute all the pieces (2) a really simple, fun basic synthpop song. It overwhelmed both Luna and "The Tower".

It was not Luna's fault. Not entirely. The Polish creative team had a series of lapses in judgement, and it ended up in a shock NQ that I didn't see coming until it actually happened. Even though I like the overal package (the song's really that good!) I didn't feel it was an undeserved elimination.

What killed Poland wasn't just inexperience, politics or overambition.

It was foremost a lack of confidence in their own product.

THE RANKING

[thejollywriter]

So I'm going to be real, I have been struggling in a way that is difficult to articulate. In January this year I was working for Pizza Hut, doing delivery work in this new Northern City that I share with some tumblr mutuals.

One night at the end of the evening I was robbed. I wasn't physically hurt but a man pulled a gun on me instead of paying for his pizza and had an accomplice take the thermal bag and walk away.

Man put a gun in my face and threatened to end my life for pizza. When I get back to the store my manager was wildly unhelpful aggressive with the cops, and generally uncompassionate to me.

I quit a couple of days later because said manager wouldn't make changes to our delivery range after a certain times of day in order to protect me, the only delivery driver that actually worked for this particular store. Every other delivery was literally handled by doordash.

I've been struggling ever since, in some ways financially but in a larger metaphysical way that I haven't really been able to give voice to until a couple of days ago.

I admit being hung up on the fact that a man put a gun in my face over Pizza. I don't know if it's reasonable to be hung up on that fact, that a man threatened to end my life over take out. And given that context, I have struggled pretty immensely to give a single solitary fuck about the normal things that I had been worried about before then.

How do I fucking care about a cubicle job in the face of that?

There's a phrase; don't borrow grief from the future. But given that the guy put a gun in my face there is only the potential of what he could have stopped if he had pulled the trigger. All the books I haven't written, the friends I haven't met, the partner I haven't seen, like.

I would like to have a more stable job, and make more reliable money but I just can't bring myself to fucking care about the pantomime of the nine to five. And that's really hard to deal with because it's just like, I can't ignore that I almost fucking died over Pizza, it's not fucking worth it and yet that's what happened. And I'm supposed to just keep on playing the exact same game as if that's all my life is fucking worth? 15 bucks an hour and dying for pizza?

I don't know how I'm going to solve my money problem. But I'm kind of throwing myself into my art and my patreon and my streaming because it's just like those are the only things that matter, cuz it ain't about the money it's the fact that like these are tangible things that will be left when I'm gone. There will be art with my name on it that will be left in my absence.

I hope to live for many decades and spend a lot of time with the woman I love and my friends and just experiencing a big beautiful world, but the violence of capitalism is making it really fucking hard to cope with there being no recourse to; I almost died over takeout and I'm now fundamentally incapable of playing the game of being a happy little cog in a worthless machine.

I cannot physically do it.

[sparrowandbee]

The Sparrow, Chapter 15

Synopsis: Being thrust from the arena to the hungry, expectant eyes of the Capitol, Marian begins to reckon with the real cost of her so-called Victory.

1796 Words

Content Warning for sexual exploitation and allusion to SA.

Masterlist

-

I made rounds again, this time on President Snow’s arm. He gave a short speech about perseverance and victory and rebellion, a generic spiel I’m sure he has repeated time and time again. 

With his final toast, the ballroom began to empty out. The whole time I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Finnick Odair doesn’t mingle with the Capitol out of enjoyment. Vanilla didn’t put me in this hideous dress for innocent show. Haymitch didn’t encourage me to drink because of the small talk. 

“Marian, now that it’s more intimate, I wanted to personally give you my congratulations!” He holds me tighter and starts making his way to the doors he came in from. 

“Thank you, President Snow. But I-”

“Don’t you worry about your mentor dear, you’ll be back to him soon. Just follow me, there is something I’d like to show you.”

How did he know I was going to ask for Haymitch? His smile was sinister against the blue velvety backdrop of the ballroom, the light becoming increasingly brighter. I glance back and nod towards Haymitch. Snow won’t kill me, so I’d come back. Regardless of what was about to happen, I would come back to him- that was my only confidence.

We strode down the long cream-coloured hallway, huge pictures of the Snow family adorning the walls, alongside some historical paintings. The Rebellion, I recognized that one from an old history book I stole from the school. There was a figure at the far right, the only one standing highlighted by the sunlight. A sort of victor, I suppose. It doesn’t change the fact that this is a painting of tragedy.

“You know, the Games breed their own environment. Economically, socially, a lot of our society hinges on them- for stability, for purpose, and yes, even for entertainment. We depend on the cooperation of our Victors to keep the machine running smoothly.”

He spoke slowly, calculatedly. It didn’t feel like you were speaking to a person so much as an institution, the Capitol itself. 

“I hope you know we’re all doing our part, working together to keep this stability you enjoy. Everything in its own place, at its own time. And if one cog gets rusty, they all stop- do you understand?”

I nodded, still smiling, trying not to make my shaky hands too apparent.

“Let me illustrate it for you, dear. Just to be sure,” he opened a set of double doors and pulled me in by the waist. It was a circular room with a huge dark wood desk at its centre. The red velvet curtains and towering windows were standard decor for what I knew of the house, but what took me back were the screens. Four holographic screens, in contrast to the traditional ornamental decor of the room, projected different moments of my time in the Capitol, the arena, and at home. Me, running, covered in blood and dust in the arena. Haymitch and I holding each other on the guerney. Me, giving my tessarae to a few orphans outside the schoolhouse in District 12. The sponsor gift floating down next to me. Haymitch wearing a plastered smile in a sleek, fashionable lounge, chatting to a few men I now vaguely recognized as my sponsors.

“I would just hate for you to lose sight of the fact that your victory wasn’t earned, Marian. It was given to you, it was bought by a handful of men with a lot of money. Pretty girl… District 12,” he worked his hand further down my back, “we don’t get those often. And you know, we must capitalize on a diamond like yourself. An exceptionally shiny cog. You won because they love you, because they want you.” 

He turned the screens off, forcing me to look into his icy blue eyes.

“Part of the game, part of the environment, is them thinking that tributes like you are available to them. It keeps them invested. I’m asking you for seven years, dear, that’s all- less than a decade. Come to the Capitol when you are summoned, charm them as you already have so graciously. Let them believe they have you and the machine will continue turning. You will be rewarded greatly, as long as you follow the rules.”

A knock at the door interrupted him, but not quite. He had been expecting it- timing everything meticulously.

“Ah, Ave! Please, come in!” His tone changed to something more jubilant, more like the host than the imposing sytemic figure. I turned around to see an older man I recognized as a sponsor, around his late 60s with dark grey hair. He carries his meticulously groomed and styled beard as an accessory, just as Snow did. 

“Marian, I’m sure you’ve had the pleasure of making Ave Philleus’s acquaintance earlier tonight. He was the leading sponsor of your campaign in the arena,” the man took my cold hand and kissed it, with a wink, “and if not, you’ll be more than acquainted by the end of the night.”

I was paralized, my blood ran cold. Though I wanted to protest, I wanted to retaliate, I couldn’t. I was frozen. 

“Don’t you worry, pretty girl,” he pets my hair down and reaches for my waist, his hand meeting my bare back, “I’ll make the first time memorable for you.”

My whole body began trembling, the fear spreading from my hands to my whole body. But my head was frozen. I couldn’t react.

“Marian, just one last thing-” Snow interrupts us as Ave Philleus began leading me out towards the hallway, “You will have the freedom to make your own choices outside, if you do as you’re told in here. I trust you’re a smart girl and understand what I mean.”

But I wasn’t listening anymore. Haymitch couldn’t save me now, but still his voice rang through my head: “you only have to do this once.” It wasn’t true, not anymore, not for the next seven years. But still, it repeated itself again and again and again.

-

“Mr. Abernathy!” Snow greeted me with more fake glee than ever before. He got a new toy, of course he’s excited.

“President Snow,” I play along with enough reverence for us to mutually acknowledge that I am pretending to care. The last time I had been in the circular red velvet room he gave me the ultimatum that ended my life- my dignity or my family. 

That kid didn’t know that either choice would lead to the loss of both. There I was, 17 years later, with the same rage and hate, only now somehow amplified.

“Haymitch, I understand you’ve grown quite close to our Victor,” he took a seat on his imposing leather chair, smug as ever. I wasn’t scared but somehow my limbs didn’t dare move.

I wanted to strangle him. I told myself I would never kill anyone again but the man before me was the only exception.

“No. I don’t-” 

As I began my protest he held his hand up in interruption and pressed a button on the desk, prompting a holographic screen to turn on. It was a birds-eye recording of M and I in the hospital room. We were intertwined on the bed, our limbs tangled up in each other. Our lips only a breath away. Not a platonic image.

“I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of your family’s fate, Mr. Abernathy.”

I clenched my jaw, forbidding myself from the scream I so needed to unleash. My carelessness couldn’t ruin this. I kept my eyes fixed on Marian on the screen, watching my hand trace the outline of her arm, her foot between mine. A reminder of the concrete thing I was staying silent for.

“I thought you’d like to know that this,” he clicked again, prompring another screen, “is your Marian now.”

The new screen showed a small, dark room. M sat on a large rectangular couch, the top of her dress pulled down. She looked away as an older man grabbed her arms and waist, kissing and biting her neck, her arms, her breasts. Working his way down, disregarding her flinching. She was shaking.

It was horrific. I couldn’t look away.

It dawned on me, as he moved up to her face, and grabbed her cheeks in his hand, forcing her to look in his dark brown eyes, that I recognized this man and his thick, symmetrical beard. He was one of the sponsors I had secured. The one who paid for the food I had ordered especially to the arena after the knife injury.

I had to stop the tears if I were to have any leverage- any chance to make it stop.

“And believe me,” Snow continued, looking at the screen, “if you ever so much as step a toe out of line, her clients will get so much worse-”

“What do you want?” I nearly growled out, not giving attention to his cheap attempt at diplomacy. “I’ll stop seeing her. I’ll go back to being just the alcoholic who only cares about booze and desserts, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Anything…” 

I let it slip, my voice getting shaky.

Of course I knew this happened to Victors- the especially pretty and vulnerable ones, the ones who didn’t have enough leverage to get themselves out. But I was so focused on her survival, I needed her to survive… but at what cost?

“No, no,” he let out a chuckle, stemming from his assurance, his pride. “I don’t care about you,” he turned the feed off as the man fiddled with his belt. “You’re right Haymitch, you are just the drunk that no one takes seriously. I don’t care whether you marry her or break her poor heart- her fate is sealed.”

He stood up, hands in his pockets, walking closer to me. “Love makes us do unimaginable things. It makes us feel as though we’re invincible, like we can conquer anything. I just felt the need to remind you that that’s not the case, not in your position. Not in hers. But go ahead, fall in love if you’d like… after all, you’re the only one who can protect her.”

For a second, he dropped the President posture. It seemed almost as he was addressing me as an individual, but just for a second. I stepped back, unable to rationalize.

“Thank you for making the time, Mr. Abernathy,” he walks towards the door, reaching for the handle, “She’ll be with you shortly, as soon as Ave is satisfied.”

I stomped out, my vision blurred, my heart leaping our of my throat, wishing I could burn the whole thing down.

So the leash tightens. Now, for the first time in 17 years Snow regained his power over me.

For the first time in 17 years I had someone to lose.

-

Next Chapter

[scherzosa]

20 days of productivity dedication

I decided I hate measuring my work in terms of "productivity". capitalism is so pervasive that even our passions, our art, ends up being termed a "product". I won't stand for it! I love what I do, I love research and learning. I am not working towards any monetary goal, I am not a cog in the machine. I study for me! for no one else! so instead, please welcome to my 20 days of dedication.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ day 2/20 - finished up my research for one section of the paper and read a whole bunch of articles! making progress :)

(painting by @999999999sx on instagram)

[illnessfaker]

reading books is good but i think acting like doing your school/institution-assigned readings as required gives you some kind of superiority over people who don't do them just makes you look like a suck-up, idk if y'all forgot but usamerican english classrooms & the education system here at large don't serve to actually develop and proliferate knowledge and wisdom - they serve to prepare the population for becoming a cog in the machine. doing your homework to the letter doesn't make you better than somebody else it just means you're better at performing to the system's standards, which uh, good for you. the fact that this mentality has taken such root in "progressive" circles is pretty baffling ngl.

plenty of people suck at school & academia while happily reading books (including classical works) and developing their knowledge/exposure to such material outside of the context of an institution demanding it of them, and there are those who would love to but otherwise have their energy sapped from them due to the fact we live under capitalism and most of our time is parasitized by the ruling class. i don't think anyone is stupid or lazy for not wanting to bother reading what is academically assigned to them - i think we live in a society that is structured against actually developing and building knowledge. while that's the case being all "maybe if you actually paid attention in english class--" is eye-roll worthy.

[necroangelz]

IMPORTANT NECROANGELZ ANNOUNCEMENT

hey guys. its me. future missing person necroangelz from the necroangelz Tumblr account. i just got back from spending the morning outside, and i have some thoughts to share and an important announcement. i hope uu can listen

spending time outside really gave me alot of perspective on the world. i stood outside, my feet on the gentle green blades of grass, admiring the towering trees with leaves that flowed with the wind. the wind was strong and i felt myself so free I could unfurl my wings and fly into the sky, like the sail of a ship, or a kite, guided by the wind.

just like how the sun crawls up into its rightful place on the horizon and how it illuminates the savage lands below, i came upon a realization

i wanted to spend more time outside! i loved seeing trees and the greenery, i loved seeing the ocean, i loved breathing in natural air, i loved feeling the sun on my skin! i was made to go outside and touch grass!

but of course, i cannot relish in a blessing without sacrificing another thing.

that is why i must quit Tumblr and editing to touch grass. no, no, don't worry about little old me. this angel will be alright. I'm happy being outside. and, you know, somewhere down the line i will also finish my education and get a high paying job. i can contribute to society and our economy and capitalism and be yet another faceless cog in the machine that serves our billionaire corporate overlords. and i don't have to do this alone. i encourage you all to do the same, and do it with me. let's all quit the internet and touch grass.... together.

here are some pictures i took this morning while i was outside. maybe my message and my photos can touch someone's heart out there.

so, this is goodbye. thank you all for making my time in this website so wonderful.

[10oclockdot]

I Just Work Here (Leon S. Gold, 1965) [YFqL6Yi0RTA]

Thanks to the A/V Geeks for this elegant fable about a lot of things:

communication,

putting yourself in the other person's shoes,

how necessary it is for proper communication (in any context) to imagine how what you're saying is being perceived by the other person,

philosophies of customer service and what sort of social context they presuppose or agree on (especially with regards to class),

but most importantly:

The many ways in which rigid rule-bound systems -- like corporate policy, the law, the filing structure of a database, or the limits of computer operating power -- always clash or at least come into substantial friction with human needs, human flourishing, and how humans naturally approach the world.

No doubt, these non-human structures placed around thought and behavior grow out of the production and profit models of capitalism. This film doesn't seem to notice that living within those rigid systems naturally inclines toward miscommunication, inflexibility, acrimony, and other symptoms of alienation, but it certainly identifies the feelings of helplessness and resignation ("I'm just a cog in the machine," or "I just work here")

In 1965, it's fascinating to see that already these anxieties had surfaced in the sphere of even ephemeral films. Desk Set (1957) is a lovely little romance with a fictional computer at its center, but if I were ever to get into the history of human-computer interaction, AI, or the database again, I think I'd want this little short in my back pocket.

[mush-dooms]

I have decided to be done working for the day and have been doing fuck all at my desk for the past half hour. I am a great and valuable employee. I love being a cog in the machine that is capitalism. I am also. slepy.

[mcd-incorrect-quotes]

i forgot thanksgiving was yesterday but my mom woke me up at 3 am to tell me happy thanksgiving that being said remember that america (and europe, but i'm assuming since i started this blog in america my audience is mostly american) is built on the backs of oppressed people and you are nothing more than a cog in a capitalist machine. companies care about money and not people. but this holiday's also about community! so reach out to your community, through your family and friends, and always cherish the connections you have together. the capitalism machine profits off of this holiday, but don't let that make you forget that while the founding of the holiday is horrible, the core of the holiday, the reason we enjoy it, is because of community. love your friends and families. they love you. :]