#I love arguments where both sides have aspects that are correct and that are wrong

[figmentforms]

Part 239 of  “A Tale of Two Rulers” (Jan1, 2023)- *updates monthly

★Patreon- https://www.patreon.com/LorIllustration ★

★ Webtoon-  https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/a-tale-of-two-rulers/list?title_no=292453 ★ - I’m still building up this archive weekly

Thanks so much to all my amazing supporters that help make this fan-comic happen! ♥ (If is wasn’t for you it would be a lot harder for me to have time to work on this and keep up with the  bills, so I’m super grateful.)

Happy New Year! I hope this one will be a good one for everyone. I think we all could use some peace, stability, and happiness these days.

*Tumor update: It's still not out. Getting things sorted out with insurance and the extremely busy hospital has been a big challenge. I just hope that they can get this troublesome flesh potato out of my body sometime soon. Thank you all so much for all your kind words of support and your understanding. This has been a really rough time for me and all of your kindness has meant so much!

**I'm going to try to figure out how to do the archives at the end of the posts again, but it will have to be on another day! I'm still so behind on so many things TwT*

[hot-astrology]

Counterparts

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬/𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 (𝐋𝐮𝐬𝐭&𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠) 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬/𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫/𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 (𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 & 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞) 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧/𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞

(𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.)

In astrology, Jupiter is known to show the husband in a woman's chart, and The Moon is the wife in a man's chart. When we look at the planets Mars & and Venus, they represent a shorter-term relationship. But of course, they are still important within compatibility & attraction within synastry. It's important to have a mixture of both in synastry.

Not only that, but Moon & Jupiter are extremely compatible. After all, the sign cancer is ruled by the moon where Jupiter is exalted.

All four energies come from a place of expansion, trust, crave and desire. Each planet plays a significant role in our lives. Mars is represented by aggression, desire, passion, action, sex drive, assertiveness, and so much more. Similar to mars, the planet venus carries sex too, but less of the aggressions, and an abundance of lustful energy, seductiveness, appealing aesthetics, beauty, crave, and the over-indulgence aspect. Now, Jupiter is your guru, confidence, faith, wisdom, growth, expansion, etc.

This luminary is soft and has a more elegant nature. This is the moon. The moon bestows authenticity, care, warmth, love, memory, trust, nurturing, and moods. Now that you understand the basic archetype of each planet, I can further elaborate on how these planets play a role in each of our relationships and evolution.

We all go through relationships and dysfunctional situationships. Where the girl chases the bad boy (Mars) and wants his energies and wants to be around his excitement and thrill. Same for a boy who

after that beautiful girl(venus) who also makes his hormones rage and cant stop thinking about her. Same as when the woman matures and becomes more a lady and understands her female (moon)and nuturing sides and can provide that warmth and emotional connection to her spose to be that wife on his arm. When the man evolves into his full beliefs, recognition, knowledge of being a real man (jupiter) and a provider not only financially but also educationally, wisdom, direction, commitment and understanding his place in this world as being a strong confident husband.

Mars's energy is untouched by so much passion and chemistry. No wonder why a girl would chase and want to be in his presence. He is the one who would see you standing there and approach you with his ego and try to win you over with his pure strength, antics, and boastful gestures. Seeing him pull up in his new red Camaro while doing 60mph down your street whose speed limit is 25mph but don't give a fuck attitude. Blowing the horn loud to wake everyone up, when you get to the car not opening your door. Shit, you will have a good ass time tho, take you to all the spots, and holes in the walls and you would be on ya toes not knowing what to expect but you love it. When you have something smart to say he would correct you on the spot and you would look at him in confusion because you never had anyone put you in your place and correct you have you going within to see if were you wrong or not. But he will always protect you and you will feel secure always with him. I would have probably hit ya kitty cat by now and have you lost in the sauce and your mind blown? You would grow so attached to him, calling all day and texting him and just reminiscing the times he beat your walls out in the backseat of his car. Could still feel his D up in your guts. Even tho passion was good, you both had times when you were down in out and not feeling each other and didn't know how to merge your energies (mars & venus conjunction can be good but at times conjunction can play out in all 4 aspects, conjunction, trine, sextile, and a square which could make difficult if not worked with.) So you both could have arguments, disagreements, DV, and insecurities. So you both could face breakups and rekindles, which creates make-up sex etc. When you are not with each other, it feels like you are lost. Even though the relationship gets bad and old or outdated, you still want the formality and comfortability of that person's neglectful security. The passion, sex, drama, possessiveness, lust, and past life karma are so intoxicating that you would rather get wombs, heartache, pain, and chaos before letting them go. Venus brings so much to this dynamic that it's crazy and not right. Her sexuality and charm let Mars be in control, but at the same time, she has his D in a chokehold with her charisma, charm, allure, smell, beauty, and knowledge of what Mars wants and desires. But she gets her mind fucked so much since she can be dingy as well since the venus follows wants and Needs as well always looking for that next sexual high or dopamine pleasure to relax her stimulus. Her presence invites his full throttle to be more impulsive and demanding since Venus doesn't know her worth or her boundaries. So she is taken advantage of and led to a stray. Until both understand that this is just a cycle of like and a great experience, no one is wrong or right just two different energies trying to merge without early education on how to merge each other's energies into one to be a true full power dynamic.

When a man meets the love of his life, he is hit with a force that impacts his whole existence and shakes his whole world up. Then his (jupiter) spirit wakes up, and this transformation matures his thinking, outlook, representation, focus on life, and why he is here to build his own family from the ground up. He further understands his mishaps and lack of back in his past when he was living wild, free, and not caring about anyone's feelings, emotions, and meaning in life. Knowledge is instilled into his brain, wisdom is consumed into his soul, and love is brought to him from understanding how to receive love just as much as giving it. When the woman understands her values, secret possessions, blessed intuitions, and love that keeps pouring, she will evolve into that warm nurturing (moon). She looks at life differently with more delicacy and soft touch, only inviting good energy into her realm, chosey, and picky to whom she gives her magical energies. The glow from her will be so illuminating, and nothing can contrast her shine or beliefs. She will want to nurture, feed, learn, and support her husband and youth as well as empower her spirituality and whole existence. When Jupiter and the Moon are living in their true essence with a full understanding of one another, life will flow so gracefully. We all know there isn't any perfection in this realm when Jupiter understands compromise now and his wisdom to know when to and not to. Times Jupiter has to take the situation and make something from it and lead like the leader he is meant to be and guide his moon to safety, a better life, and protection. The moon understands his power, leadership, and ego that rises from time to time and supports his thoughts and ideas. She is there for all his ideas and thoughts she will consume them, nurture them, and help manifest them into reality. At times, the moon can see things and feel things that Jupiter's boastful self can't see from a distance, and she will warm him or dangers to come his way or their way. She loves and supports his every action without a single doubt. The passion is so strong that you can feel their force when they are together like a fireball. Lovemaking is so desirable and uncontrollable that they both have deep meaning when their bodies connect. Jupiter understands how to satisfy his moon, and the moon understands how to seductively pleasure her Jupiter. Once this power knowledge is intertwined, their connection is unbreakable and keeps getting more and more powerful. They can look back in the past and understand where they came from and respect each other's past and don't use it against them. They are each other's rock, each other's pillar, each other's mirror to still correct each other when wrong and just don't agree. The knowledge of Jupiter keeps gaining over time, so his passion for understanding his warm moon traits and dislikes helps him be a better husband and friend to his moon. Also, the moon's memory and understanding get more secure, so she knows how he feels, wants, and needs without a word spoken. This amazing dynamic is one of the 7 wonders of the world.

Life is to be experienced, not to be postponed, we all have these characteristics inside of us. Just come out in different times and ways. Experience everything you can, you want to have passion if you don't change it, you want to gain knowledge if don't do it, you can't be loved if you run from it, you want to know what you like if you don't try it.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬

𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝑷𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔: 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐳 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐳 || 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢

[fanfic-lover-girl]

How Makorra Parallels Kataang

I have been thinking about Zutara and LOK lately. I have seen arguments about Makorra being a rip off Zutara. But besides the bending aspect, I don't see much of Zutara - I see more Kataang. Where Mako is Katara and Korra is Aang. Unlike ATLA, I have not watched LOK fully (I have watched multiple refresher videos) so feel free to correct me if my arguments are off. Also since I only watched LOK season 1 entirely, I will just focus on that season since that's the climax of Makorra anyway.

I do not like either pairing, but I will give credit where it is due for them.

Initial Interest Korra and Aang being the avatar seem to play a big role in Mako and Katara's interest in them. For Katara, Aang represented a chance to leave the south pole to learn waterbending then her hope to end the war. Even if Aang were not the avatar, there is a high chance they would have been good friends still, but him being the avatar cemented her investment in him. For Mako, he only warmed up to Korra when she proved herself useful in the pro-bending match. Why should Korra being the avatar change his opinion of her (You're the avatar, and I'm an idiot - Mako)?

One-sided Crush Korra and Aang have crushes or strong admiration upon meeting Mako and Katara, but their feelings are not explicitly reciprocated. Katara sees Aang as a goofy kid and Mako sees Korra as an annoying fangirl at first. However, as a kid I used to see Katara's feelings as ambiguous so I can see how people may have thought she felt something for Aang deep down. Also, while Mako was becoming closer to Korra, did this mean he wanted to DATE her? Their relationship was still friendship for the most part. He does not convey outright romantic attraction to her. Which ties into my next point.

Love Interests Have Other Crushes While the avatars pine after their crushes, said crushes have other romantic interests. Mako starts dating Asami and Katara obviously admired Jet. Asami was the girl that Mako immediately showed interest in.

Emotional Connection with Other Love Interests/Crushes Katara emotionally connects with other guys like Jet and Haru about losing her mother much better than she does with Aang. Has Aang ever offered empathy towards her for her mom?? Jet expresses sympathy and Haru understands her pain of having little left of her mom. Korra, being a sheltered avatar, can not relate to Mako's living and financial situation. I had believed that Mako told Asami about his parents first, but it appears I was wrong according to his relationship timeline on Youtube. So point for Korra there. However, given that Asami also lost a parent, they have another commonality to bond other and empathize with each other on. So point for Asami. I am not saying that losing a parent makes Asami a better girlfriend than Korra. I am just saying that Mako has another thing to relate to Asami with.

Nonconsensual Kissing Both Korra and Aang kiss their crushes without their consent. The dialogue about feeling confused is almost the exact same for Mako and Katara. Even the facial expressions and the head movements are similar. Korra's case is worse because Mako was dating Asami at that point and she was on a date with Bolin, Mako's little brother. Disgusting. At least we see ramifications for Korra and her relationship with her friends unlike Aang who seems to get off scot-free. Also, after the initial surprise, Mako reciprocated the kiss but that hardly makes it better for Korra. For Kataang, given that the conclusion of the series was coming up, I suppose there was not time to shoe horn in relationship tension due to the kiss but it is still problematic that it was apparently swept under the rug.

Ending Scenes Both Mako and Katara feel like trophies for a job well done, especially Katara. At least for Mako, we can see him developing feelings for Korra. Too bad Asami was given the boot for it to happen. This contrasts Katara's case where things seemed to have resolved offscreen. Another difference is that Mako approached Korra about his feelings first while she lost her bending and then season 1 ends with her accepting his love. The romance scenes just felt obligatory. The hero saves the day so they need a girlfriend/boyfriend to complete the victory.

Impact of Romance on Character Mako was kind of interesting but he became boring or insufferable after he dated Korra (leading up to dating her too). The way he handled Asami was terrible. The most important aspect of his character seemed to be whose boyfriend he was. The flip flopping between girls also hurt his character in my opinion (it was even joked about in book 3 during that reflection episode). As much as he supported Korrasami in the comics, his pride as a man must have been hurt somehow. The guy was emasculated badly. Katara's worst moments seem to be with Aang in Book 3. Up until that book, we mostly saw the relationship from Aang's POV. However, her feelings about things don't seem to matter when we finally get her perspective. I have only seen snipets of the comics but she becomes nothing more than the avatar's girl which is a travesty. Seeing her in LOK was weird as a preteen. She was so passionate and strong and now she's a lonely old woman? Katara did not resonate with me anymore. She's hardly ever around except for a few family scenes and Korra related matters (her initial training scene and healing her after the poisoning). I have come to appreciate housewife characters more (evident with my Chi-Chi post) but why couldn't she be a homemaker and an important political figure or wise mentor like Zuko or Toph? It's like after getting with Aang, she stagnated or something.

There are other ideas I can not properly articulate so I will leave it here. Let me know what you think!

[sapphire-knight]

Welcome to a new episode of Sapphire Rambles, today's topic being:

Just as c!Tommy is a simbol of Care, c!Fundy is a simbol of Love.

Let me explain.

(There are going to be 3 principal points to this rant, and each of them is gonna end with a Tl;dr in purple, so it's easier to follow)

If you're a regular in the Fundy tag (or in the Ranboo tag since this argument gets often brought up in relation to C!Ranboo), you might have already seen some rants talking about how C!Fundy is an incredibly loving person, willing to chase after the people he care about if he sees the tiniest hint that mending their relationship is possible, even if they hurted him in the past.

Yeah you are going to see the same argument again here in the first part, but I promise this gets interesting

This became more clear after the Break, when he decided to try and mend his relationship with Philza and Ranboo even if they weren't at all on good terms at the moment, but he thought it was worth it so he tried and will keep on trying anyways, but we have examples of Fundy's really loving and forgiving nature back to the Revolutionary era

Everyone knows about Eret's betrayal I'm sure, but one thing people seem to skim over is how it effected Fundy, because there's the really high possibility that he was the one who was hurted the most by it.

For everyone who has some spotty memory (me too sometimes fam), Eret was the closest person to Fundy at the time, the two being really close friends, so the betrayal must have had a terrible effect on his emotional health, but you know how it went?

It went that Fundy was the first person to reach out to Eret and start to forgive his actions. Fundy always valued his friendships above the side he was in. So even tho he was a L'manburg abitant, he still thought of Eret as a dear friend to him and did his best to not make them feel alone or isolated

There are really few examples of people Fundy actually has an issue with, but even here Hate is a strong and mostly wrong word to apply, for example:

- Wilbur: as we are shown in the interactions with Ghostbur, Fundy didn't hate Wilbut for how he neglected and patronized him, it made him upset (as we saw when Ghostbur called him "his little champion" and he ran away) but he never hated Wilbur for that. The only thing he didn't forgive him was deciding to die, leaving him. And his issue with Ghostbur is not aknowledging or taking responsability. But he doesn't hate Ghostbur, he can talk to him in a civil manner even if the Ghost pretty much upsets him. And about Wilbur? Fundy loved Wilbur, the thing that hurted him was he taking the decision to definitivly leave him.

- Technoblade: even before Doomsday, the correct word of Fundy's feelings towards Techno has never been Hate, but Fear. A lot of people seemed to miss this point about the Butcher Army as a whole, but they weren't move by hate, even if they tried to make it look like they were. They were terrified. On their way to Techno's house, it was more clear than ever that they were TERRIBLY afraid of Techno. The Butcher army was never a movement of hate, but a bad reaction to a traumatic event that scarred them with fear. Also, after the Break? Fundy understands why Techno wanted L'manburg gone, so he doesn't hate him for that.

- Jschlatt: if you followed Fundy's pov, it won't be a surprise me saying that Fundy doesn't hate Jschlatt, but it may be news to other people, since one of the last interaction between the two was... anything but positive. I still shiver at the caravan scene. But even after all he's done, Fundy can't bring himself to completly hate Jschlatt, even if he did a lot of horrible things and was a horrible person, he still doesn't hate him. Fundy took with him Jschlatt's sword, keeping it as a relic and a memory of the man.

There is no one in the server, probably not even Dream Himself, that Fundy full-on hates. No matter how much they hurted him and everyone else, he just. Doesn't hate them. He's able to see the humanity in everyone, even if he wishes he could just hate people that wronged him. He was always forgiving and loving, these two aspects of him becoming even more prominent after his Break.

Tl;dr: Fundy is a character incredibly full of love and almost always willing to forgive and mend relationships with people he cares about at the moment he sees the possibility.

Now that I got the part most talked about out of the way, I'm taking the second tangent. Let's talk about Self-love.

It's not news the fact that there are really few characters, if not actually none of them, who love themselves. Might it be for trauma or for guilt, none of the characters actually love themself and act out of self-love.

Sometimes there are characters that act for themselves, but that is different from acting out of self-love.

Acting for themselves means doing something to achieve an objective that you want, for example: Eret's betrayal.

Eret betrayed L'Manburg becayse he was promised the role of King of the SMP by Dream, she acted out of her wish for power and control. That's an example of acting for yourself.

Acting out of self-love means doing something with the only cardinal reason being that it's good for you, taking care of yourself doing something that makes you feel better and healthier. That is acting out of self-love.

And, if you look at the server, you can easily see that no one has ever done that, expect for one single time.

The closest wrong thing you might be thinking off right now is when Tommy escaped from exile, but that was not an act driven by self-love. Sure, Tommy saved himself and went towards a healthier mindset, but what drove him towards that direction was not a desire to be better and good for himself, but rage towards Dream and a desire to be back to his family and friends.

You know what the only act that could possibly be out os self-love is?

Fundy going away for a years and a half, taking a break from everyone

Think about it for a second. Why did he do that? Let's start putting away the wrong possibilities:

- Doing it for someone: Fundy at the moment was heavily spiraling towards paranoia, wanting to be a villain to make everyone hate him. If that was his mindset at the time, why would he even want to get a break for anyone?

- Having a second cause: what second cause could there be for a choice like getting away from an unhealthy situation to heal? The only second reason a choice like this could have is healing to help someone else heal when you're feeling better, but refer to the last point

- ... that's virtually it

The only reason that could have caused Fundy to decide to take a break from the whole situation because it was unhealthy and heal was because he wanted to heal. For himself. He genuinly wanted himself to feel better for the only reason being, simply, feeling better.

Fundy is the only character for now to have ever taken an important choice for making himself feel better and letting himself heal.

Tl;dr: Fundy taking the year and a half break was the only decision on the entire SMP taken only out of self-love and genuine desire to feel better for the sole reason of feeling better.

Fundy is a representation of love, in any shape or form. He is unapologetically full of love and care, both for himself and for the people around him.

Anyway, the third part is a theory, if younwill kindly follow me:

The above analysis is the exact reason why the Egg causes Fundy an extreme repulsion.

Since both Fundy and Tubbo said that the Egg seems connected to Dreamons, I'm going to roll with that idea in mind.

As we all know, one of the only known weaknesses of a Dreamon is Love and this Dreamon seems to be acting and controlling people out of wishes and desires.

Fundy should be a perfect candidate for the Egg to manipulate, isn't he? One of Fundy's most known characteristic is his research for love, affection and appreciation from people, and we know the egg has no problem using love to manipulate someone, because he is manipulating Bbh using his (platonic?) love for Skeppy against him.

So why the egg would cause a repulsing reaction to Fundy?

Tommy seems immune because he doesn't wish for anything right now, he has everything that he wants

Tubbo also has a repulsive reaction, but is not a hateful reaction but one driven by fear and sadness, the Egg purposefully trying to scare him away, probably to make him unable to fight against him

But why Fundy's reaction would be full-on hate?

I think the egg was trying to do with Fundy the same thing he's doing with Tubbo, scaring him so badly to drive them to the point where they cannot fight back out of complete fear, but it's not working.

It's not working because the Egg fears Fundy, fears how full of pure, unfiltered and unapologetic love his heart is, fears how he's the living representation of the fact that love, of any kind, is the strongest emotion out there. Fundy already was able to defeat a Dreamon because of his own love, and now that he's more emotionally stable and has decided to follow his heart more, mending relationship with people he loves even if they hurt him?

Fundy is an incredibly dangerous threat to the Egg.

So fear is not enough to keep the fox away, he cannot let him anywhere near his plans.

He fears that if he tried the fear treatment on Fundy, Fundy would be able to break out of the web of terror as soon as someone he loved was caught in the crossfire

So he tried pushing him away in a different way, using hate instead of fear, because since Fundy is such a love-driven person all around, the best way to keep him away is to use hate, just like Tubbo is often driven by hope and optimism, so the best way to keep him far fron where he could be a danger is to use sadness and fear.

Tl;dr: The Egg is making Fundy hate him because that's the only emotion that could actually keep Fundy away from him, because he, being a Dreamon, fears how full of love Fundy is.

[bthump]

I wanted to touch on the whole gutsca thing with someone (I know zero people in this fandom so you're my lucky pick!). Am I alone in feeling like their first time together came out of no where? My meta with Guts is that he was not at all comfortable with sex at that time of his life (this instance being his first time [outside of the rape he experienced as a child]). His choice of words too, "here I go", translated to me like someone only doing what they felt was expected of them rather than something he was yearning for. He clearly wasn't even ready given how rough he was and how he regressed and attacked her. This moment seemed very forced and almost rang to me like Kentaro's declaration of "no homo though". I would be curious to know how Kentaro felt about homosexuality (bisexuality, etc) and if he ever addressed the ever blatant gay tension and romantic-non-platonic-love blossoming between Guts and Griffith pre-eclipse. I do get the sense that this may be a case of severe queer baiting or perhaps a PSA against gay love altogether ("falling for a man will literally destroy you and send you and everyone you love to hell" type of message); but I'm a very jaded person so I hope to be proven wrong. Sigh, my point being Gutsca seems pretty dang forced and empty of true development. I buy them more as besties than anything romantic. Especially since both he and Casca are actually in love with Griffith (what a fucking triangle!). Does anyone in fandom have any opinions on the sad possibility of this whole beautiful and ultimately tragic love between Griffith and Guts actually being a fucked up anti-gay PSA? Are there any interviews with Kentaro shooting this theory down so I can stop being sad and bitter about it? What are your thoughts?

Thanks for sending this, I'm definitely down to talk about it! I hope you connect with more people in the fandom but don’t worry about sending random asks even if you do lol.

Anyway you’re definitely not alone. I have a lot of thoughts on Guts and Casca's hook up, and they're all pretty much "it feels really forced and not particularly romantic but I think you can argue that that's deliberate" lol. For instance I discuss in a lot of detail here how various aspects of the scene indicate that Guts and Casca having sex is shown to be a case of both of them rebounding from Griffith and sort of giving to each other what they were unable or failed to give to him.

And I talk a lot about how Judeau essentially orchestrates it all and what that suggests about Guts and Casca's relationship here.

And lol sorry for all the links but also this post is about how their relationship feels one-sided to an extent and is used to illuminate a lot of Guts' flaws, using Judeau as a comparison point.

Oh shit and also one more lol, here's a comparison between the sex scene and Griffith's with Charlotte that suggests that both start as ways for the dudes to repress their feelings.

(Don't feel obligated to read all those posts if you don't want, you should get the gist of what I'm saying w/ those descriptions.)

But yeah basically I do think that Guts and Casca getting together felt forced and awkward. At best it might be intended to be seen that way, as two friends hooking up awkwardly in an emotionally intense moment but probably doomed to failure because neither of them are ready for a relationship with the other, or particularly interested in one deep down, once they finished "licking wounds." At worst it’s just bad writing lol. But again like I think there are good arguments for the former.

I also totally agree that their relationship has a strong vibe of doing what's expected. Like for real, at least to me both Guts and Casca read so easily as gay and repressed lol. Casca talks about her feelings for Griffith in terms of “he was a boy she was a girl can I make it any more obvious”

and I can’t help but see it as Casca like, wow I have strong feelings towards Griffith, he’s a man and I’m a woman, so clearly these feelings must be romantic, there’s no other option. Then when she has sex with Guts she keeps contextualizing it essentially as repayment for Guts saving her, like she owes him. “I too want a wound I can say you gave me.” “Not just being given to... maybe I can give something as well.” Which just doesn’t make her desire for him look all that genuine lol.

And then you have Guts. The way he tells Casca that from the start only her touch was okay with him after he has sex with her, referencing the scene when he wakes up with her on top of him and starts to panic before realizing she’s a woman, is soooo suggestive of repression to me. Like, first off because it’s incorrect, he was also okay with Griffith going in for a face-grab after winning a duel Guts had been projecting his rape trauma all over, which seems like a pretty conspicuous omission. And secondly because the reason he was okay with Casca’s touch specifically is solely because she’s a woman, not because she’s special or because they have a magic romantic connection - it’s because she’s not a man. To me that just screams that Guts was open to sex with Casca because she’s the only woman he knows, and he’s afraid of the idea of physical intimacy with men, regardless of what he might actually want deep down.

So yeah that’s basically how I feel about Guts and Casca’s relationship, strong agree with you.

When it comes to Miura’s intent, I can tell you that Miura was asked about the subtext in an interview once, back in 2000, and he responded with something along the lines of ‘two men can have passionate feelings for each other without it being romantic.’ The interview is here, but this is a paraphrase the translator mentioned in the comments.

Other than that I’ve never seen him address it directly, but on the flipside he has cited several textually gay stories as inspiration (off the top of my head: Kaze to Ki no Uta, Devilman, Guin Saga, mangaka Moto Hagio in general), and he has straightforwardly said that the (magical intersex) central character of his other work, Duranki, was intended to have romances with both male and female love interests. Also people tell me there are strong griffguts vibes with the main, presumably canon or intended-to-be-canon ship there. So there’s that lol.

As for the no homo aspect and the potential homophobia in the griffguts subtext... I can’t deny I’ve also considered the idea that it’s a deliberate anti-gay PSA (though I haven’t seen anyone else address the idea as far as I remember, and I’ve only briefly mentioned it offhandedly). Like, Guts and Griffith’s relationship turns bad because they’re both too invested in each other, maybe the barely-subtextual desire is meant to look like a sinister twisting of pure platonic feelings that ruins everything, if Griffith hadn’t loved him the Eclipse never would have happened, etc.

But honestly I don’t think that reading holds up compared to a much more positive reading of their feelings, in which it’s their failure to understand them and act on them, thanks largely to formative childhood trauma and self-hatred, that leads to tragedy.

I don’t know what Miura intended, and there certainly are aspects of the story that are homophobic regardless of his intent, even if my best-faith reading is entirely correct, like the only textual gay attraction being pedophiles and over the top heretic orgies lol, or yk, Guts and Griffith both assaulting the same woman while looking at/thinking about the other in a very sexually charged way.

But the reading of their relationship where it’s positive and good for both of them, even including sexual desire, and only gets fucked up because they both incorrectly think their feelings are unrequited is legitimately so weirdly strong, much stronger than a reading where the sexual nature of their feelings is what fucks everything up, so I’m pretty happy just rolling with that take.

And as much as Casca can be seen and may very well be intended as a no homo, it’s also very easy for me to read her relationships with both as less of a hopeful opportunity for positive heterosexual romance and more of a “here’s how repressing your feelings thru attempts at heterosexuality fucks you up” PSA lol. Griffith and Charlotte too, for that matter. It’s definitely a stretch to think that’s intended, but whether it’s intended or not it’s an easy sell for me and I’m fine with not really worrying too much about possible authorial intent there.

Finally, I also want to link this post that goes pretty thoroughly into why I interpret griffguts as very positive rather than as a cautionary tale or predatory gay lust etc

And also have this shorter post about Femto on the same subject too, why not

Oh and maybe this thing where I split hairs about Guts’ lust for Griffith and desire for revenge to make a point that the homoeroticism isn’t necessarily being equated with violence by the narrative lol

[drabbles-mc]

Hear You Now

Angel Reyes x Reader

Warnings: angst, language, Angel being a very sad boy

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Why do I always make Angel sad?? Why do I always give him commitment issues?? I don’t know. I owe him a happy fic or two. 😂 If you’re curious, this is 110% inspired by the song Hear You Now by Old Dominion.

Angel Taglist: @mayans-sauce @helli4nthus @angelreyesgirl @starrynite7114 @queenbeered @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @appropriate-writers-name @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @beardburnsupersoldiers​ @louisianalady​ @gemini0410​ @paintballkid711​

You were walking through Merchant Square, hand-in-hand with your fiancé. You laughed as you leaned your head against his shoulder for a moment as the two of you walked through town. It had been a long time since you had been back to Santo Padre, and you wanted him to see your hometown. He had asked on more than one occasion because he wanted to see where you grew up, but you hadn’t been ready to face the ghosts that you knew still haunted those streets. But now you were engaged, and you knew that there was not going to be any more running away from anything.

It was refreshing to walk through town, and your heart wasn’t as heavy as you thought it was going to be. Not too much had changed and you liked how there were so many aspects of the town that would always be frozen in time. You tugged him into a bookstore, and he followed you with a knowing smile—it was nearly impossible to ever get you to pass up the opportunity to find something new to dive into. Almost every wall in your house had a bookshelf built into it or pushed against it. Eventually you told him you were going to buy a whole separate house and make it your library.

You were perusing the aisles, dragging your fingertips along the spines of an endless sea of titles. Your fiancé was a couple rows away looking for a few books of his own. There was a comfort in the mild hustle and bustle of the little book store. The aisles were close together and it all felt so cozy.

You stumbled upon the hardcover edition of a book that you had loved for years, and your eyes lit up. You snatched it off the shelf and went to find your fiancé. You quickly walked up to him and nudged his shoulder, “Look what I found?”

He looked at the novel in your hands and a knowing smile crossed his face, “You definitely have that one already. I know I’ve seen it.”

“Yes, but look,” you shook the book in front of him, “Hard cover! I’ve never seen a hard cover edition anywhere! I need it,” you pleaded.

He laughed, “How am I ever supposed to say no to you?”

You kissed him quickly on the lips, “You’re not, that’s the whole point!” you laughed.

Angel’s ears burned from the opposite side of the store. He would know that laugh anywhere, even from a million miles away. He never thought that he’d hear it again. He turned and tried to look around the store for you, and his heart instantly sped up when he saw you standing in the checkout line with a book clutched tight to your chest.

He started to walk over to you, but as quickly as his heart sped up, it nearly stopped when he saw another man walk up behind you and wrap his arms around you and place a kiss to your temple. He saw the way you melted back into him with a smile, and his stomach turned into a knot. His grip on the book in his hand tightened and he couldn’t force his feet to move in one direction or another. He didn’t know if it was worse to have to take in the scene in front of him, or to have lived with never seeing you again.

After paying for your book, you turned to leave the store, and that was when you saw him standing there. Your heart sank inside your chest—it had been years but that was definitely the Angel Reyes that you had known and had loved. You wanted to walk out of the store and not open up that box of memories, but something impulsive inside of you burst through.

“Angel?” you said, causing your fiancé to look up from the book that he had bought and was skimming through.

It got Angel to finally force his feet to move, “Hey, Y/N,” he cleared his throat as he walked up to you, “It’s been a minute.”

“Yea,” you laughed nervously, “Oh, shit, where are my manners? Angel, this is Jordan, my fiancé. Jordan, this is Angel. We grew up together,” it was the understatement of the century but you weren’t going to air out that laundry in the middle of a book store.

You could see Angel’s heart break at the word fiancé, but Jordan didn’t seem to take any notice of it as he held out his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he shook Jordan’s hand and nodded, forcing a small smile, “You’re a lucky guy.”

Jordan laughed as he pulled you against his side, blissfully unaware of the tension that was beginning to build, “You’re telling me. Can’t believe that this one said yes.”

You chuckled and leaned your head against his side, trying to let the familiarity of his touch and scent comfort you in this situation. It half-worked, but your mind was still racing, trying to figure out what Angel was thinking as he stood there and watched you talk about a forever life that didn’t involve him.

“I had no idea you were back in town,” Angel looked at you, eyes soft as he tried to memorize every detail of the woman he hadn’t seen in so long.

“Yea,” you shrugged, “kind of flew in under the radar. I was gonna see if I could find you and your brother while I was here,” it was a lie, but it sounded nice.

Jordan gave you a light squeeze, “Do you want to catch up? Don’t let me stop you—I’m sure I can find something to do for a couple hours or so.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach as you shook your head, “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not just going to ditch you on our trip together,” you smiled up at him.

He pressed a light kiss on your lips, “It’s fine! You guys go grab coffee or something and catch up and I’ll find somewhere we can go to dinner.”

“You sure?” you wanted him to stay with you, but one of the things that you loved about being with him had always been that you were your own separate people just as much as you were a cohesive unit as a couple. It was just this particular situation that made you wish that that wasn’t the case, that made you wish that he was a little more possessive.

“Positive. I love you,” he kissed your forehead, “Give me a call when you’re done,” he reached and shook Angel’s hand again, “It was nice meeting you. Hopefully I’ll see you again before we leave town.”

Angel nodded, “Yea, for sure.”

Jordan walked out the door of the bookstore and there was a long stretch of silence between you and Angel as the two of you stood there. You wanted to step in and hug him, but you knew that you couldn’t. You eyed the novel in his hand, “You buying that?”

He had completely forgotten where he was and why he was there. He shook his head as he set it down on one of the small display tables, “Nah,” he cleared his throat, “So, I guess we’re getting coffee?”

You chuckled, not able to hide the awkwardness that you felt, “I guess we are.”

The two of you walked down the street in silence. You gripped your book, pressing it tight against your chest. There was a small café right down the street from the bookstore, another place that seemed to go untouched by time. Angel held the door open for you and told you to grab a table and he’d grab drinks for the both of you. You set your book down on the table, nervously tapping your fingertips on the cover as you waited for him to come back over.

He sat down across from you, handing you your drink. There were a few beats of silence and you desperately wished for the power to read minds so you could know what Angel was thinking that was making his eyes look so sad.

All Angel could think about was the fact that every day, for years, he thought about you and wondered where you had gone off to. He wondered if you were safe, if you were happy, if you had found someone else. He wondered if he was ever going to have a chance to see you again, to make things up to you, to win you back. He wasn’t expecting to get the answers to all of those questions within the first fifteen seconds of seeing you again. Reality had hit him like a freight train and he was still trying to recover.

“I see you’ve upgraded from Prospect,” you nodded towards the secretario patch on his kutte.

It snapped him out of his spiral for a moment and he managed a smile, “Little bit, yea. EZ’s sporting the Prospect patch these days.”

Your eyes widened, “Seriously?”

He nodded, “Yep. Patch-in vote is coming up in a couple months.”

“Holy shit,” you shook your head with a laugh, “How things change.”

“Yea,” he tried to push the words down but he couldn’t, “I’ve missed you.”

Your heart hurt at the sound of him saying that. The heartbroken girl that you used to be wanted to say something snarky, to rub a little salt in the wound that he had been carrying around with him. But you worked so hard not to be that girl anymore, and the better-healed part of you wanted to comfort him. You couldn’t meet his eyes, “It has been a while,” you traced your fingers around the edge of your cup, “hasn’t it?”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he’d been sitting on those words for years and he couldn’t keep them in anymore, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You shook your head, “There’s nothing to be sorry about, Angel. We were kids—we were young and dumb.”

“I was young and dumb,” he corrected you, “I should’ve listened to you. Things could’ve been so different.”

You nodded, not having it in you to lie and say that he was wrong. Your mind was taken over by a tirade of memories, of arguments that ended with screaming and slamming doors, with you crying alone at the kitchen table trying to figure out how to force the puzzle pieces to fit. You had begged him for just a little more, just a little bit of commitment, and he could never give it to you. Eventually you had gotten fed up waiting for something that was never going to happen, and you left. It hurt, and you spent a lot of days crying as you packed up and bought a plane ticket, but you never looked back. You changed your number and completely detached yourself from the person that you had been.

“You always said I was gonna fuck around and hurt someone,” he pressed his lips into a thin line for a moment as he shook his head, “Just didn’t think it was gonna be me.”

“Thought it was just gonna be me?” it came out more bitter than you had intended, but there was no taking it back.

It caught him off-guard, “I…yea…I guess,” he stared at the engagement ring on your finger, “He is a lucky guy. Seems nice.”

You nod and a smile passes over your face for a moment, “He’s a good man. I never thought that I’d find someone as ready as I was for the whole settling down thing. I thought men weren’t ready for that until they were in their forties or whatever,” you chuckled, “I guess I just got really lucky.”

“So did he.”

“You seeing anyone these days?” you asked, genuinely curious to the answer.

He shook his head, “Nah, not really,” he laughed despite the aching in his chest, “But I’m guessing that’s not surprising to you.”

You smiled and sipped your coffee, “I dunno, people can change,” you waited for him to look you in the eyes, “You’ll find someone, Angel.”

“I already did,” it came out before he could think better of it. He reached across the table and set his hand on top of yours, “I should’ve been better, Y/N. I should’ve listened.”

“Maybe,” you nodded as you pulled your hand away and let it rest in your lap, “Maybe you should’ve. But it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? Guess you’ll just have to listen a little better to the next girl.”

“If you hadn’t laughed in the middle of that bookstore, I might’ve never known you were here,” his eyes were getting glassy with tears, “But I’ve heard that laugh inside my head so many times for so many years. I thought I was going insane. But then it was really you.”

“Angel, please, don’t do—”

“Please, just let me get this out,” he waited for you and once you nodded for him to continue, he did, “I spent so much time thinking that you wanted me to be a different person, and I was so angry about it. It felt like you didn’t want me to be who I was. It wasn’t…it wasn’t until you left that I realized that all you wanted was more of me. It was never about me changing, not really. It was just about me getting my head outta my ass. I spent so much time fuckin’ around and wanting to be free that I completely missed the fact that that freedom had nothing to do with you leaving. I hate that I never really heard what you were trying to say until after you left.”

You were fighting back tears, “Maybe there was just a little too much noise with me around.”

“You told me that one day I’d be sorry,” he couldn’t peel his eyes away from your ring, “And fuck are you never wrong.”

You laughed humorlessly as you blinked back tears, “I never wanted to be right, Angel. I just wanted to be happy, to be yours. But it just…wasn’t right I guess.”

“What you have now,” he stared down into his coffee cup, “that’s right?”

You slid your fingers along the band of your ring, and nodded, “Yea, it is.”

Those three words felt like a punch to the gut. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever recover from it.

“I don’t think you should keep beating yourself up over what happened, Angel,” you looked at him, “I think we’re different people now.”

“Are we?”

You chuckled, “Maybe not. Maybe that’s all the more reason not to worry about what happened. There’s no way to make it turn out any differently.”

There were a few beats of silence before Angel took a deep breath and managed a smile, “Damn. This is not what your fiancé thought he was signing you on for, huh?”

You laughed, and for a moment you caught a glimpse of the Angel that used to drive you around on the back of his motorcycle in the middle of the night. The same Angel who could get you to laugh when you showed up at his place in tears. You missed that, but you knew that going back wasn’t going to do anyone any good.

“Poor son of a bitch,” you laughed, “One day he’ll learn,” you paused for a moment, “I know it’s hard, Angel, but I am glad I got to see you.”

“Me too,” it sounded a little insincere, but you knew it was the heartbreak making it sound that way.

“Keep taking care of yourself, alright?”

Angel’s heart sank, knowing that this was the start of another goodbye that would last a very long time, “You too.”

You reached and put your hand over his, your finger tracing lightly over his knuckles, “I’ll see you around, Reyes.”

“Yea?”

You smiled, “Well, maybe.”

[zodiacrant]

10th House and Daddy issues  (This is also applicable to any father like figures in your life not only your biological one. It also sheds some light on what would you be like as a father/father-figure)

 ✤ Aries in 10th house ✤

✤You and your father have a hot and intense relationship. There’s is such a difference in power where your father implemented their dominance and rules over you, creating an unbalanced relationship. They have a tendency to one up you and be competitive over the simplest of things, creating a wedge very early on. 

✤Your daddy issues played with your self confidence. You’re unsure of yourself and your decisions, often going along with it just to avoid conflict . You have a fear of loud noise and screaming, and feel very uncomfortable around others.

✤As a father figure you’re strict and upfront. Growing up with a no-nonsense father made you knowledgeable of both sides and any tactics your kids could use. Cause you been there, you’ve done that. However, you won’t repeat your fathers mistakes and would allow your kids to have their time to shine and enjoy life.

✤You’re into romantic daddies that exude confidence effortlessly rather than force it. Love to travel, preferably works in a high risk job or even can be in the mafia so you can live that godfather fantasy.

✤ Taurus in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was very strong willed, stern and stubborn. You two had a hard time when having any conversation. Disagreeing leads to an argument and they had to have the last word. No word is above theirs.

✤Your daddy issues made you a conformist. You approve of others ,even if you disagree, and keep your true opinion to yourself. You doubt your capabilities, work, undermine your contributions and believe that your thoughts are wrong or irrelevant.

✤As a father figure you’re stern but kind. Your time with your father taught you how to listen and now it’s time to talk. You will make a clear set of things that have to go your way but allow your kids to have a say when it comes to other things. You will be conflicted and get scared of imaging your father so you gotta find a balance in there.

✤You’re into daddies that treat you like the king/queen that you’re. Clothes, food, mansions, yacht, flying around the world. You want someone give you what your father never did. Very Lana Del Rey.

✤ Gemini in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was very childish and immature, possibly having little to no respect for anyone. They’re the father and they can do whatever they want. They didn’t mind their business and were always in yours, violating your privacy made you a very sneaky person and a big time liar. They would sit around while you’re with your friends, making fun of, embarrassing you, humiliating you all at your own expense and to please their tiny fragile ego.

✤Your daddy issues developed a hate for childlike behavior and immaturity. You’re intolerant to pranks, roasts and other unsavory acts. You’re quick to take it personally.

✤As a father figure you’re a vicious protector. No one can come to your kid with that playground bullshit. You’re quick to shut it down. Your children grow very dependent on you emotionally, rendering them immature in some ways. 

✤You’re into a smart daddy, very career man, educated and highly knowledgeable. Someone that can take you to the world wonders rather than just talk about then, a person of their words and keep promises. They highly stimulate you, Intellectually of course.

✤ Cancer in 10th house ✤

✤Your father enforced their ideals and beliefs on you. You were not allowed to do anything without them approving of it first. Friends, clothes, video games, social media, music and even food, they had the say on what’s comes and goes. 

✤Your daddy issues made you a rebel. You go against any rules, and don’t like to be told what to do, you like to be shocking and be controversial. Think religious girl gone wild, like Madonna or Katy Perry.

✤As a father figure you cherish your kids for who they are and give them the liberty of being their own person. The down side is that your kids have little respect for rules and others wishes and personal space. Disciplining them is especially difficult since they do as they please with no regards cause “I am my own person and I do as I please.”

✤You’re in love with daddies with power that are very macho and masculine. Police officers and criminals are a big part of the fantasy. Being with a powerful daddy makes you feel feminine and like a whole woman.

✤ Leo in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was an unbearable self centered overlord. They took good care of themselves but gave just the bare minimum to you. They drove good cars, slept on a good mattress, flied first class and wore designer clothes. You on the other hand took public transport or drove an old used car, slept on their old jacked up mattress, was lucky to even get on the trip and wore the same old clothes. 

✤Your daddy issues made you self sufficient. Your independence made relationships seem pointless, you were provided everything to yourself so no one compared. People are expandable so they have to prove their worth and purpose. 

✤Being a father figure you taught your children how to be on their own. They cleaned after themselves and were responsible for themselves, as much as a child can. You gave them tough love when needed but also gave them the freedom of learning and living their life to the fullest. Your motto is “when you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready”.

✤You’re into dominating and different power dynamics. Pool boy, the Gardner, a coach, a secretary, you like to dominate and have sex with a young daddy. Meow cougar.

✤ Virgo in 10th house ✤

✤Your father had set up relentless standards that were basically impossible to achieve. Being good was expected and a most, but every fall or second place made all those achievements disappear. Completely destroying your self-esteem.

✤Your daddy issues made you a perfectionist that is hard to please. Everything has to be a certain way or else it’s all going to the trash and in vain. Your father’s disappointed words play on a loop in your made. To the world you’re the best of the best, but on the inside you’re your own worst critique and enemy.

✤As a father figure you’re your kids biggest supporter. You don’t only give them advice but teach them the tools to be great at solving problems.You can be at times over critical with how things should be done but you’re not opposed to your children correcting you or doing it their on way. Sometimes.

✤You want a daddy who got it all. The wealth, the prestige, the brains and the career. You want someone that will not only fulfill your physical needs but also give something priceless, knowledge and know-how.

✤ Libra in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was pushover that cared more about others opinions over your own happiness and individuality. He was easily played by others and didn’t defend you. He isn’t around when you need him and is very dependent on others. 

✤Your daddy issues made you an independent go getter. You’re socially skilled thanks to years of raising yourself on how to dodge uncalled for comments from family members, and have a good balance between giving people a second chance and stand in your ground.

✤As a father figure you’re a fair minded person that treats every child specifically based on how they’re and their needs. You value honesty and doing what is right, you teach your kids to learn from their mistakes. That means they will be given a second chance as well as suffer the consequences of their actions.

✤You’re into cheesy romantic things, you love to be pampered and be taken care of your. That means daddy got to have a good bank accounts, since wine, diner, flowers and diamonds don’t come cheap and so does you.

✤ Scorpio in 10th house ✤  

✤Your father was very critical of you and had difficult expectations for you. They asserted themselves over you by meddling all aspects of your life to make you “theirs” forever.

✤Your daddy issues made you a cut-throat straight up over achiever. An everyday politicians, you know how to manipulate and change minds. Growing up with your father made you strong willed and assertive, no one can get through your icy thick walls.

✤As a father figure you give what was not given to you as a child, freedom and no expectations. You raise your children to be smart, strong and capable humans that won’t need others.

✤Your daddy issues made yearn for love and affection. Living a love story is something no one would guess that you’re looking for, but that’s because they don’t know you.

✤ Sagittarius in 10th house ✤       

✤Your father inconsistent in your life. One minute they’re  cold, the other they’re hot, first it’s left and then it’s right. Living with your father was crazy to say the least. Their inconsistency made it difficult feel safe or stable in anything.

✤Your daddy issues reflected badly on your behavior. Early on you were flaky, late, lazy and felt abandoned from all those times your father forgot and wasn’t there. Then the cycle switch and you start taking your life very seriously, the idea of being your father or seeing their behavior in other boiled you. You’re a straight shooter that stuck to their guns no matter what.

✤As a father figure, you try to always be there for your kids. You want to make memories with them and document everything so those memories will live forever. It is very hard for you to get over your father but making up with your kids help.

✤You’re into adventures daddies that are not afraid to take risks and live life to it’s fullest. You love making memories, especially if it’s in a foreign country at night where anythings feels possible.

✤ Capricorn in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was a nit picky authoritarian that meddled with all aspects of your life. For the most past of your childhood you were not to be exposed to anything they disagreed with and you were very sheltered. Your teen years were weird and awkward since the way they brought you up made them the only person that was there and had any effect on you.

✤Your daddy issues rendered you incapable of holding social interaction and lacking real knowledge of the world. You emerged in your young adult years as a child again, as if you truly started to live from the moment you left your father behind.

✤As a father figure you’re precise and attentive. You remember a lot about your kids, and you gave them all that they needed physically and emotionally. Because of the way you were brought up, you can get overly protective and paranoid over their safety and who they’re with. Although you can be suffocating to them, no one can deny that you raised your children to be well educated and wholesome people.

✤Your daddy issues made you crave someone that holds a powerful or influential position. Politicians and religious figures make a big part of the sexual fantasy. Reliving being dominated by someone like that is a secret that you keep that you will never tell.

✤ Aquarius in 10th house ✤

✤Your father was more focused on their work and external affairs. You felt abandoned and unheard growing up, where your issues were not as important and that you should be grateful for what you have.

✤Your daddy issues made crave attention and being wanted. You feel angered when unheard and would do anything so people would like you. Growing up with your father, however, made you value your life goals and passions.

✤As a father figure you’re a mentor and teacher. You teach your kids through actions and show them their true potential and strength. Helping them grow into a great human being is more important than being successful.

✤You’re into an easy going daddy that showers you with all the attention you crave. Someone that’ll spoon you but also knows how to use non physical communications. You want someone that can take you far away.

✤ Pisces in 10th house ✤

✤Your father undermined your work and treated you like a child. There was never true praise and they didn’t take you seriously, making you feel unworthy and incapable. Growing up, they always took your comments, opinions, and thoughts as a cute little from their baby that doesn’t know better.

✤Your daddy issues made you dependent and lazy. You’re emotionally immature and can’t handle the pressure of everyday life. You don’t give yourself credit for the work you’ve done and on bad day you expect others to do the work for you, whether it’s to make you feel better or run a simple errand, dependency, work and individuality are things you will always struggle with.  

✤As a father figure you’re pushover. You give your kids all the attention and things they want as a way to fulfill your deprived child self.This may grow into a problem though, since living vicariously through your kids never works out well.

✤You want a daddy that will baby you and make you feel like the princess/prince that you always dreamed to be. They’ll give you the fairy tale fantasy you used read, a romance just like in the movies and gives you the type of love you always hear about in songs but never saw in real life.

[papers4me]

Fascinating concepts in Golden Kamuy Manga ( part 2)

In part 1, I listed 3 concepts that I find intriguing in Golden Kamuy ( GK), I provided short explanation of these concepts but due to issues of space couldn’t provide more examples. The previous 3 concepts were: (1). Broken men of war & death, (2) Fun dynamics & journey companion  does not equal close friendships, & (3) Perspective is where characters are truly at. In total I have 9 concepts but intend to post 3 at a time. So, here we go~

4. What breaks men of war: ( emotional ties)

in my previous post, I’ve mentioned that these men of war are not fazed by death & some are even obsessed with it. goldenkamuyhunting has kindly added that they are affected by the death of those whom they’re emotionally connected to, and provided examples. very true. However, I want to look at this concept from another perspective. As much as the constant brush with death has hardened their hearts & stole chunks of their humanity, all the characters are still human. Their humanity isn’t mostly displayed in how they treat strangers/ enemies, or men on the other side, it is presented on how easily they crumble down once you press the right button: their loved ones. They have strong emotional ties that can break them down, even now after they’ve become so drenched in blood. These ties are mostly connected to ppl who are the reason of their current perspective or their past selves. Sugimoto, the ruthless, breaks down in tears at the memory of toraji, at the idea of failing Yumi, at the thought seeing Asripa become like him: a killer. These emotional ties break him into tears & self loathing frenzy. Sadistic Nikaidou not only mourn his brother, but becomes a shell of a man, delusional, erratic, addicted to drugs & hollow. Tsukishima, Tsurumi’s right hand who kills with no hesitation, becomes all sorts of mess at the thought of Igogusa: anger, tears, loss, despair, explosive rage, self-loath coupled with low self-esteem. Tsurumi himself, the man who fondly remember running thro rain of blood, was so affected by the murder of his wife & daughter to the point of not being able to restrain himself. (many examples) but the point is, I applaud the writer for not going the path of writing these characters as emotionless hard cold blooded war veterans. They have emotions & can break into sobs. You might think they’re unable to form new emotional ties, but some can, sugimoto formed healthy independent ties with shirashi! But the issue is not the new ties. The real issue is these men of war not yet dealing with the old emotional ties from their past. Those ties are eating them from the inside. The pain is still raw!

5. Excellent portrayal of unstable psyche:

Some of these men, due to the past emotional ties, have developed unstable thinking & deep troubling thought process & reasoning coupled with the ugly brutality of war. Other writers will simply write men such as Tsurumi or Ogata as mad guys, crazy & lunatic. But Noda chose a deeper more logical & intriguing approach. Their behavior shows elements of unstable & deeply trouble thinking; little boy Ogata poisoning his mother & Tsurumi’s infatuation of being a soul snatching shinigami. What they have done is unexcused & cannot be corrected. However, they are not mindless lunatics. Both characters are mysterious & rarely allowed to have inner monologue abt their true goal. Both play on different sides & have gone through some personal journey to solidify their nihilistic belief. Both goes even deeper into the depth of seemingly unstable thought process. Ogata, lacking family love, questions the concept of pity, mercy & compassion. Embarks on a journey to prove that he’s not alone in feeling no guilt over human death. That his tragic thinking is not up-normal. Other ppl exist like me. ppl other than weird Usami. Nothing is wrong with me, so father should accept me. So tragic. Yet Ogata even with this unstable thinking is portrayed as smart with analytic thinking, skilled, seemingly not swayed by manipulators & very perceptive! Same goes for Tsurumi, extremely manipulated, cunning, intelligent & sweet talker, but was shown as a loving father as he held his daughter in his hand in most of his Japanese language teaching scenes with wilk in Russia. His family’s death deeply troubled him & changed him into the monster he’s currently is. Obsessed with their bones. Not mourning them yet. His position as the story’s villain adds to this but in a very balanced way. There are more examples, such as Usami & a number of the tattooed convicts. But the point is the writer treats the characters as human, who are capable of unstable obsession & thinking, yet can display normal behavior & excellent logical thinking as well.

( btw: I’m not putting any character with the same scale as the other, or saying they’re equal or identical. They are NOT.  I’m simply looking at a ting aspect from their behavior in light of the concept they share) 

6. No heroes:

I duno abt you. But I don’t sense that this is a story of a bunch of alliances saving the day against the big baddie. I could be wrong tho. But this story has sth that is lacking from most stories, which is: each side have winning points as much as loosing points. Meaning each side has arguments that can lead to their logical success as much as arguments that sheds some light on the holes in their plans. Even the argument that says minority groups should have their own land with their own culture, while very just in concept, the application is quite complicated. A group of ppl with no strong army sitting on a land of rich resources won’t be left alone by other nations. It never happened in the real world, & while GK is fiction, it is safe to say that Noda is aware of this as he made Tsurimi himself point this out in ch,271. Even if the minority groups get their land, they can’t preserve their own culture if they continue their old ways without adapting into new generations & without reaching out to the outside world. Once again Trsumi pointed this out while talking abt japan itself. I duno how Noda plans to solve this. But This is not even exclusive to the Auni/Japan/Russia situation. Again, the story itself is way bigger than that. Each character is not even the hero of their own story. Asirpa’s trauma of finding herself shouldering the burden of an entire culture while struggling to have a normal selfish goal like any normal girl. Sugimoto becoming her body guard while she solves an issue that he himself isn’t that much interested in! he just wanted her to be happy. More importantly he wants her to NOT be like him. Living thro Asripa while he should be trying to figure out his own path, rather than looking for salvation thro the innocent angelic Asipra or becoming a human skinning tool to get the money for Ume’s eyes treatment when she herself never asked him to! Tsukushima, desperately trying to believe that there’s at least some bigger picture good for following Trsurmi, that all the years of blood stinky hands can mean sth, somehow, in the future, so may examples. But I love the concept of grey characters so dearly, no heroes, no angels.

Disclaimer:

I know my explanation for each argument & each concept & the examples I provide can be misunderstood. But I assure you that each time I provide an example, I’m looking at a tiny aspect of a deeply complex & intriguing character that cannot be summarized into one or two concepts & is bigger than to be compared to other characters as well. Each concept is shared by a number of characters but with different approach, level & reasoning behind it. If I want to discuss a certain character in depth, I’ll do that in a post dedicated for them  alone.

Lastly, This is just a fraction of my personal opinion abt the story & characters. I’m not claiming this is how they are truly written or this how Noda intended it or even that you should share my thoughts. I just think this manga is so darn good & rich with fascinating characters!

[zevlors-tail]

Depressed and touch starved Shigaraki crushing hard on y/n, a new recruit for the league/liberation front. He wants to be in a relationship with her, but is afraid of her turning to dust by his own hands. Little does he know, she feels the same way.

Warnings: Jealous Shiggy, bit of OOC/Yandere Toga? Knives, brief mention of villains/heroes fighting, heavy pining, tiny argument between Shig and the reader.

Ever since the day he laid eyes on you, Shigaraki had it bad. You had only joined the League of Villains a couple months ago, but within that short time span, you had completely captivated his heart. Maybe it was your quick thinking, or your reserved personality, or maybe the way your eyes seem to sparkle with mischief when he talked to you about future plans for the League. Whatever it was, it drew him in further every time he looked at you, brought out feelings in him that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time; feelings that both scared and excited him to the point where he wasn’t sure whether to pursue something with you or run away.

At first, he chose the latter. A week in to getting to know you and he was terrified that he had feelings for you, so he pulled away in every aspect imaginable. He ignored you during missions, talked to you as little as possible, and barely even looked your way. You were lucky if he even passed by you in the halls of the hideout. He spent most of his time pent up in his room muttering and trying to scheme, although any plans he attempted to make were ultimately thwarted by thoughts of you. It didn’t help that even with the forced distance between the two of you and his giving you the cold shoulder, you were ever the friendly and kind person you made yourself out to be. You still tried to talk to him on the occasions he passed by you, still tried to get to know him without judgement or bias. Ignoring you completely just seemed to make the situation worse for him, so he finally had to face his newfound feelings and accept that yes, he, Shigaraki, had a crush on the new recruit for the League.

But with the acknowledgement of those feelings came another realization: as much as he cared about you, he could potentially hurt you with his quirk. Even if you returned the feelings, further disaster could ensue because of his existence, and that fact stung like no other. All he wanted- no, all he needed -was you. Your touch, your laugh, your whole essence...there was no part of you he didn’t like. He spent nights dreaming of your soft lips, of embracing you from behind and pressing kisses to the top of your head, of loving you without worry and limitations, and yet, he couldn’t have you. The world was continuously cruel to him still, relentless and ever inventive in the ways it found to torture his soul. You, on the other hand...you were the only good thing he had to hold on to in this desolate place.

As Tomura paced the wooden floors of the bar, he brought a hand to his neck, the familiar itching sensation driving him to scratch the same spot over and over again. He hated that damn habit of his, though truthfully he didn’t think he could stop. It kept him sane, gave him something to focus on other than the murky anxiety he felt welling up inside of him. He was like this whenever you were gone, but more so today than ever; he couldn’t stand knowing you weren’t here in his line of sight, that you weren’t under his protecting and watchful eye. Currently, you were on recon with Dabi and Toga, and he had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. His gut lurched whenever he thought about you, and he wouldn’t be satisfied until you were back at the bar in your usual seat, your familiar smile spread over your lips as you sipped on your favorite drink.

“Kurogiri. Any word from them?” This was the second time he had asked about you and the other two LOV members today. His patience was running out now, and he just wanted you back.

“They’re due back at any time, now. I’m sure they’re alri-”

As if fate wanted to prove the bartender wrong, the door to the hideout blew open mid sentence, and Dabi stumbled in with your unconscious form slumped over his shoulders, Toga hot on his heals behind.

“What happened?” Tomura growled out, immediately making his way toward you.

“Recon gone wrong, that’s what,” Dabi quipped. “We got spotted by some heroes on accident, not our fault. Y/N fended them off but she overused her quirk, and they almost got her.”

“Don’t worry, I sliced them up real nice! They were no match against my pretty knives...” Toga trailed off, a murderous glint in her eyes as she brandished a clean knife to look at herself in it’s reflection. “And I saved Y/N. I made sure to teach them not to touch what’s ours, Tomura! No one can have Y/N but us!” She let out a demented giggle.

Shigaraki wanted to correct her. Not ours, mine, he thought. His possessiveness got the better of him, and one look at Toga’s intense gaze was all he needed for jealousy to take root. He surged forward and seized your form from Dabi, careful not to touch you with all five fingers at once as he held you up. Dabi put up no fight in letting you go, completely understanding the situation and passing you over to his boss.

“Is she hurt?” he asked demandingly, giving you a once over for any obvious signs of distress or wounds. He found none apart from small scrapes and bruises.

“I don’t think so. Just unconscious. Side effect of her quirk, I bet.” His blue eyes stared off into the distance behind you and Tomura, gears spinning in his head as he recalled the fight from earlier. “I’ve never seen her quirk in action like that before. She’s strong, I’ll give her that.”

Of course you were strong, Tomura wanted to say. He knew the basis for your quirk, the basics of how it functioned and how it affected others, but new nothing of the drawbacks of it. This was new to everyone.

“Y/N’s quirk is so cool! Isn’t she just the best, Tomura?” 

Something about Toga’s smile annoyed him and made the itchy burning sensation return to his neck. Before anyone else could say anything, he turned abruptly and started towards your room to lay you down and let you rest.

“Kurogiri,” he called as he was leaving, “I want a full report of the recon mission later, no details spared. Make sure they understand that.”

“Of course,” he replied cooly.

Tomura supported your frame against his shoulders as he trudged down the hallway with you, every step he took careful and measured so as not to disturb you any more than was necessary. His gut feeling had turned out to be right, after all. If he had just gone with you, this wouldn’t have happened. Even better yet, if he had just kept you here with him, then you wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place. This was his fault, wasn’t it? It was hard to stop his thought process once it was started, and from there it all snowballed. You would never know how he really felt, and even if he was getting to touch you now, even if for a brief moment just to get you to your room, who’s to say something wouldn’t go wrong? What if he accidentally touched you with all five fingers, and you turned to ash right there in the hall, and died in his arms?

His thoughts were becoming too much to handle, even with you right there beside him. He was pathetic. Leader of a revolutionary and important group of misfit villains though he may be, he still wasn’t brazen enough to tell you how he really felt. And as he pushed open the door to your room and gently laid you down on your bed, he decided it was for the best if he just left you be. Even if he wanted to stay, it would do him no good. He gave you one last soft look and sighed heavily before standing. His brows knit together in frustration as he stepped forward, but a light tug on his sleeve kept him from going any further.

“Tomura...?” you mumbled groggily. “What happened?”

His self doubt slowly ebbed away at the sound of your voice, his anguish quieting for a moment as he down on your bed and met your gaze to explain. Who was he trying to fool? He could never just leave his feelings for you be. “You overused your quirk and fell unconscious. Dabi and Toga-” he shuddered involuntarily at her name, “took you back to the bar after fighting off some scum heroes.”

You sat up as he spoke, your head throbbing but otherwise feeling fine. “How did I end up in my room?” you wondered aloud, looking around to take in your surroundings fully.

“I carried you,” he answered matter of factly. 

He couldn’t be completely sure, but he swore a faint blush appeared on your cheeks then.

“Thanks for that.” You smiled kindly at him, warmth radiating from your features and making his face feel oddly hot.

“Oh, sure.” It sounded sarcastic, bitter even. Not how he wanted it to sound. He was getting frustrated again; why did he have to ruin everything he touched, figuratively and literally speaking?

There was a small lull in the conversation, and you unexpectedly reached your hand out for his, resting it on top and caressing his fingers gently in a sudden move of boldness. He recoiled almost instantly, and the next thing you knew he was moving to get up and walk away.

“Tomura, wait-” you tried, desperately wanting his attention. He did pause, but he didn’t turn around, and once again his hand found it’s way to his neck. He really was getting irritated with himself. 

“What?” he snapped, pivoting on his heel to face you.

“I’m sorry, I think I misinterpreted something...I- I didn’t mean to...” you trailed off, the dejected tone in your voice stabbing through his cold heart. “I thought you were-”

His blood ran cold at what he thought you were trying to say. Surely you couldn’t mean... 

“Thought I was what?”

“I thought- No, I think it was just me hoping this whole time, but...I thought maybe you had...feelings...for me. You seemed so concerned a minute ago, and there was that moment where your face- Um, I could see it behind your hair-” You stuttered out your words, embarrassed to admit your feelings that you were now certain he did not reciprocate.

Tomura, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what to say. You had just openly expressed your feelings for him while believing at the same time that he didn’t feel the same for you, and he hated it. He hated it with all the burning fires in the world, with all the passion and drive he had left. And the worst part about it was that it was his fault. He should have told you. He wished he had told you. He could still tell you...but he wouldn’t. Not if it meant endangering your life, not if it meant that he could potentially hurt you. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

Lucky for him, you weren’t willing to let this go so easily.

You saw the tortured look on his face, saw the longing in his eyes and the way his fingers twitched, as if he wanted to reach back out to you. With newfound resolve, you stared him down, willing him to break.

“Don’t look at me like that, damn it.” Curse you. Damn you to hell and back. You did things to him that you had no idea about. 

“So you really don’t feel the same?” you pressed, doubt creeping back up your spine. 

Maybe you were wrong after all...

“It’s not that!”

Or maybe not.

“Then what-”

“Don’t you know I could kill you?” The words left his lips before he could stop them. “I could accidentally turn you to dust, Y/N. Doesn’t that scare you? Or are you really that stupid?”

“I know that.” You spoke with conviction, understanding finally dawning on you.

He was afraid to hurt you. That had been his reason for pushing you away, for not talking to you, for trying to ignore his feelings for you. He was scared. And rightfully so, with a quirk like his. The thought had crossed your mind before, but truthfully, it hadn’t really been anything more than a passing thought. Once you really got to know Shigaraki, once you saw him leading his small family, you had put all of your trust and faith into him. He was not to be laughed at or underestimated; he was calculated, thorough, and kept his family together at all costs. Even if Dabi sometimes was unruly, even if Toga creeped him out, even if Kurogiri failed sometimes, they all belonged together, and you were happy to be a part of that. You admired him for everything he had done, everything he was currently doing, and all of the great things he would do in the future. Maybe others couldn’t see it right at the moment...but this man was going to change the world.

“But I believe in you, and I trust you would never do something like that to me, even on accident. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not. Your quirk doesn’t scare me. I mean it. And another thing,” you gave him a pointed look. “I’m not stupid,” you spat defiantly. For someone so reserved most of the time, you sure had an iron will. 

Tomura followed you with his eyes as you got up and attempted to walk over to him, but tripped in the process, still a little out of it from the overuse of your quirk. He was quick to catch you before you could hit the ground, and you smiled up at him once more while he just stared back at you, confused.

“What are you grinning like that for, hm?”

“I told you I trusted you. You didn’t turn me to dust, did you?”

“That’s not funny, Y/N.” Although, his words were all bark and no bite. What you had said was true, and it gave him a bit of relief to think that you were right.

He could make this work, after all. And for the first time in a very, very long time, Tomura Shigaraki felt calm. 

He helped you back to bed and sat down with you again, this time planning to stay. And when your hand once again found his, he let you keep it there, enjoying the warm feeling of your touch. 

“I know it’s not. I’m serious. I trust you with every fiber of my being, Tomura. I think I love you.”

He could have sworn his heart stopped, or maybe it was time itself that stopped. Either way, he never wanted this moment to end.

Instead of returning your words with his own, he layed down next to you and draped an arm over you. “You should be resting.”

You had once heard that everyone had different ways of saying ‘I love you’. For some, it was telling you to stay safe when parting. For others, it was asking if you had anything to eat yet. So when he spoke, you recognized the meaning behind Tomura’s words even if he wasn’t saying it outright. 

‘You should be resting.’

I love you, too.

A/N: WOW OKAY THIS GOT LONG. Also, I’m so, so, SO sorry this took so freaking long to finish. I literally sat down tonight and told myself I was going to work on it, and I got hit with inspiration and BAM it happened. Shigaraki is actually not on my list of characters that I write for, but because it was my first request and I wanted a challenge, I made an exception and wrote it. And damn, anon, did you give me one hell of a challenge. Holy FUCK. Idk why this was so hard to crank out before now, but I’m kind of in love with this? I hope you all like it as much as I do!

[techmomma]

I made big progress with my trauma recovery the other day! I’m really proud of doing a very hard thing, and honestly doing so made me feel so much better.

Said growth involves realizing some unfun things, so y’know, look out for that under the read more, even if I consider this a hopeful, uplifting realization by the end. Christ this is long, have fun reading this word wall.

So I essentially lived in a bitter divorce household. Y’know, when the two parents have an awful, agonizing divorce that pits the kids’ loyalties against each parent and each other and themselves.

I grew up in that. Except they never actually divorced. Or separated. Not till after I’d moved out, anyway. So 20+ years of living in a household where my parents flip-flopped between “trying to make it work” and “screaming at each other and bitterly trying to corral their kids in this us-vs-them, me vs your other parent toxic tug of war.”

Why didn’t they divorce? Codependency and religious pressure because both were previous divorcees, one was an excommunicated catholic because of this, and the other was a narcissist who couldn’t admit defeat and made a promise to god to make it work for fear of the shame that would come from failing again! What a winning pair! Who definitely did not mutually cheat on one another and then act scandalized and eternally vindictive about this.

Anyway, what this meant for Steph’s psyche was every day was an eternal battleground of loyalty tests. Any disagreement was disloyalty. Saying the wrong thing could be taken as disloyalty. Yet, y’know. You don’t want to be disloyal to the other parent that you love. You don’t wanna throw them under the bus. You just wanna say what you saw happened.

Which meant every answer became this tightrope of not only validating and appeasing one parent’s ego, but also finding the diplomatic thing to say so as not to implicate the other parent, or get that parent in trouble, or appear disloyal because that too could come around to bite you in the ass. Sometimes we agreed with what one parent was saying, but taking issue with a small part or one aspect? This was seen as fully disagreeing and being disloyal.

You can imagine the pressure this put on an already socially-awkward kid, ages 4-20, to find the exact correct thing to say. It rarely worked out.

But I figured out a clever loophole early on: if I shut down, if I didn’t make a peep, if I said not one word—sure. That parent would be mad at me for not responding. They’d be made I wasn’t saying anything. They might yell louder, or guilt me, or threaten me with some form of humiliation.

But not saying anything was so, so much better than any alternative. Never once did speaking up end well.

If you know about pavlovian training, you can probably quickly see the conditioning that was set in. Parent would state an opinion, about anything. Give validation. Parent looks for validation about shitty feelings about other people? Don’t say a peep, let parent be mad, and eventually they’ll either get so frustrated they give up, or they say their piece and get whatever was on their chest off of it. Either way, they leave me alone. Maybe after three hours of screaming at me, but three hours could turn into six if I made them more mad by disagreeing or seeming disloyal.

And for the record, when I talk about loyalty, I’m not saying they were asking about actual loyalty. They wanted me to agree with their opinions. They wanted me to be on their side, their ally, no matter what the other parent said. It was all or nothing. “You’re with me or against me.”

Made all the more complicated that sometimes, if you seemed disloyal to the other parent, the supposed “enemy” in the situation, the first parent might berate you for that too. “How could you talk about your mother/father that way? How could you say those things?” Despite having been saying worse things minutes before.

They were volatile. The smallest, stupidest things could become full-blown arguments that could last for hours, at the top of their lungs. After which they might turn that to us, the kids, to get out whatever was left in their system I guess. Small questions, statements, became tests. Answer wrong, and there would be hell to pay. The most innocuous things could become loyalty tests. But most of all, the most discerning tests came when they were complaining about the other. When Dad complained about Mom, and when Mom complained about Dad. “Agree with me,” they said between lines, “Are you on my side? Aren’t they terrible?”

I just wanted to love both of my parents. I never wanted to choose.

My epiphany came when I realized that when others seek comfort from me, when looking for validation during shitty events or people being mean to them—y’know, normal things people do with friends—I was having emotional flashbacks. I was being triggered into a state of trauma, my brain receding to that familiar shutdown state. Terrified that whatever I say to comfort them, whatever I say to help them feel better, would be taken as a loyalty test. To voice even slight disagreement could be disloyalty.

My friends had never tested me. But my brain was reacting so firmly and my body so wholly that I had no idea. I try to be aware of my emotional states and how my body reacts but this shutdown response has just been so normal for so long, and such a large bodily feeling, that I never noticed what it was. And it wasn’t until watching a video about this type of situation, feeling like you have to validate someone not necessarily from a place of concern but of fear, that I realized what was happened.

I realized how deep the rabbit hole went. This has been happening for decades. At work, when coworkers would complain or even just chat normally about other coworkers, my brain was shutting down out of fear that my loyalty was being tested, I was being scrutinized for disagreement. When customers talked about my coworkers, my brain was shutting down, terrified to say the wrong thing and either disagree with said customer or throw my coworker under the bus. I shut down when friends talk about other friends, when people talk about other people and maybe I agree, but there’s an aspect or idea in the situation that I don’t agree with, or maybe I’m just seeing things differently from an outside perspective.

But every time, I was terrified. I was so scared that my brain returned to trauma, returned to that shutdown state from childhood (and some adulthood), because shutting down, previously, had always yielded the better result. Staying quiet, keeping my head empty and my thoughts blank, kept me safe for twenty years.

And now I can’t hear other people talking in a room without returning to that same shutdown state, for fear that they are arguing and I will be forced to choose between people. To love one friend more than another. Forced to pick a side, forced to soothe their emotions because if I don’t, things will be so many times worse. Heaven forbid they have disagreeing opinions, even if they’re calmly sorting them out, communicating in a healthy way. God help me if they’re actually arguing. I can’t think, I can’t even speak sometimes, voice pulled tight like I’m being strangled; I can’t even squeak out a sound. It hurts too much. It hurts so much.

Sometimes I can hear people through my earbuds or headphones and all I can do is lay on my bed and plug my ears with my fingers as tight as possible and try to hum a song, try to force a mantra to drown out the sound as I desperately try to soothe myself with some kind of stim, even if it’s just rocking side to side on the bed.

I knew I had problems with listening to people disagreeing. But I realized the other day how deep the rabbit hole goes. How often, daily sometimes, I’ve been having emotional flashbacks. How thoroughly this has been effecting my life, my relationships, my sanity.

It’s been so exhausting. Realizing how many things connect back to this central issue of toxic loyalty that I grew up with, how thoroughly engrained this trauma is in my life. Realizing I’ve been having emotional flashbacks almost every day, for decades.

I’m so tired.

But I’m really glad I did. It’s putting a name to the beast. I am finally getting to the heart of an issue that was so much larger than I originally thought but in turn, there is so much potential to truly grow and heal. If I know the beast, then I can know how to face it. I can know how to use CBT therapy for this, how to weaken it to progress. And I’m really glad for it.

I also did something very hard: directly forcing myself to face it, and told my roommates about this deep-set fear. I realized that I don’t often just talk about how I’m feeling, I usually do so in the context of like having an issue or a problem that we need to talk out or talk through. I don’t usually just say, “I’m really really scared of this thing.”

I told my roommates this realization and like the wonderful, amazing friends they are, they understood. It’s an internal problem for me, something just for me to work on. It’s my issue. But now... they know that if I go quiet when discussing other people, or leave the room when disagreements are happening, I’m not just trying to blow them off or or be wishy-washy. I imagine there have been many times in the past when a friend has come in need of support and my answer came across weird or like I was trying to change the subject and it was awkward and not what they were hoping for.

Now they know that my response might be weird because I’m having a flashback. I’m scared, my brain is shutting down and I can’t think.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to be scared in front of my friends. It’s okay to experience that trauma in front of them. I don’t have to try to pretend I’m okay or try to push through the fear when I really, really can’t. It’s okay to need a subject change or even to just listen quietly if I don’t necessarily want my friend to stop venting, I just may not be able to answer in a beneficial way. I may be shutting down and sometimes all I can do is wait it out. And that’s okay.

I don’t have to validate other people because I’m scared. Because I think I’m being tested.

I felt better not just because talking about these things helps but also because a weight was lifted. One of my main triggers is feeling like I have to respond and have to respond correctly Or Else. But now that they know, that weight is off of my shoulders. I can be afraid and not able to respond and they understand why now. I don’t have to try to keep up that lie or try to put on a face or try to push through it.

I can be scared. And letting yourself be scared is the first step to healing from it. I don’t have to pretend to not be scared anymore.

I always know I’ve hit the hammer on the head when it comes to my emotional issues because I start crying and even just typing this out made me weepy, haha. It’s a good weepy though. I made a big step, and I’m really proud of myself. My instinct was to take this and agonize quietly over it myself, find my own solution on my own and deal with it on my own. But I didn’t. I reached out, and it was scary and hard and it hurt and now I’m so, so much better off for it, and now I can really start healing. I can change this.

God I’m so tired tho. Holy shit.

[yurileclercseyeliner]

A Dumb Rant About A Webtoon

Okay so I’m actually super into reading webcomics (I read them on both Webtoon and Tapas), and although this has nothing to do with my blog (I AM considering making a side blog for webcomic content/reviews tho) I sort of feel like ranting about one that I saw. I’m sorry, but if you like Athena Complex this is probably going to piss you off. Admittedly, I couldn’t get far into the comic without being upset about this so I stopped reading a few chapters in, so that may affect my opinion here. This is mainly my opinion though, and if you disagree with me it’s fine.

So I did mention in my Fire Emblem kelpie beast unit post my opinion on mythological adaptation. Essentially, I believe that when you adapt any sort of mythological being into your story you need to keep these two things in mind:

The recognizable features/symbols/abilities: by this I mean what physical features is this being known to have, what are their physical/magical abilities, what objects are they most associated with, etc. You don’t need to have every single thing that is mentioned in the source material, just a decent combination of them that can allow the reader to easily connect the adaptation to the source material.

This factor mainly applies to individual characters as opposed to a full species or classification of creatures (I have read a decent number of mythological adaptations and have seen a mythical species depicted as evil in one adaptation and benevolent or neutral in another and enjoyed both, it all depends on if it makes sense in the context). What are the character’s main personal views, goals, and motivations? By this I mean how do they think and what are their views on the world around them, and what is the context surrounding that? Essentially, what can their main personalities and motivations be boiled down to and why?

After those two factors, I think that you can then go buck wild with any other characterization as long as it isn’t contradictory and makes sense in your story.

Now that I have set that down here’s my deal with Athena Complex. Athena Complex is a Webtoon based on Greek mythology that follows Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom and strategy. She falls in love with Poseidon, the god of the sea, and is rejected by him. Fueled by vengeance and a desire to win his heart she takes the form of a high school boy in order to take revenge on his reincarnation. Basically, this entire Webtoon is practically a public execution of a large part of what makes Athena, well, Athena.

First off, I will give credit to Athena Complex for at least getting the symbolism correct, Athena is a goddess of wisdom and war and when in the form of a goddess her design reflects that with her armor, among other things such as her association with owls, so the first aspect that I mentioned is fine.

Additionally there is the fact that they also did heavily tap into the prideful aspect of Athena’s nature. Essentially in the source material Athena is a VERY prideful goddess and will take any opportunity to prove her worth if someone attempt to upstage her, and gets very angry when she fails or is insulted in the process (ie the story of Arachne, the story behind the double flute). This aspect could also be seen slightly in Athena Complex’s Athena’s behavior, which I can also give them credit for.

But that’s where a lot of the similarities end. Tbh a large majority of these issues surround the second aspect, the basics of the figure’s personality and motivations.

First, Athena’s stance on romance. Original Athena...literally wanted nothing to do with any sort of romantic relationship. Seriously it’s one of her main things one of her epithets is literally “Parenthos”, which means virgin. No lovers, no sex, no marriage, no intentionally created children (I say intentionally bc she and Hepheastus accidentally created a child when his snot got onto a torn piece of her cloak, but that’s a different weird story), nothing. She solely focused on the expansion of knowledge and learning. She had no time for any sort of relationship. Making Athena in Athena Complex heavily motivated by an unrequited romantic attraction literally rips one of her main core values to shreds.

And this in my opinion one of the worst offenses, MAKING THE SUBJECT OF THAT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION POSEIDON. Literally one MAJOR thing for the original Athena and Poseidon is that they HATE each other. (Also Athena is literally Poseidon’s niece, but tbh that’s a less heinous crime bc Greek mythology was weird about that shit, multiple gods married their siblings/cousins/uncles/aunts/nieces/nephews/etc., it’s weird. Also in Athena Complex Poseidon acted the main person raising Athena, which is ALSO really fucking weird and concerning, anyway back to why they hate each other).

The Contest for Athens: Basically before the Greek city of Athens was called Athens the people were looking for a patron deity, and both Athena and Poseidon tried to lay their claim. In order to determine who the city would go to, they decided to have a contest of who could give the city the best gift. Poseidon gave the city some horses (for transportation and farmwork) and a small spring in the middle of the city (note: the water in the spring was salt water and therefore undrinkable). Athena gave them olive trees (for food, making oil, wood, etc.). The peoplr decided that Athena’s gift was better and thus named the city “Athens” after her, leaving Poseidon incredibly salty.

The Medusa Incident (TW: possible rape/non-con): So Poseidon was having a nice little affair with a mortal woman named Medusa (you notice how this name is familiar, right? that’s important). It’s a little iffy on whether or not this affair was fully consensual on Medusa’s end due to the sort of victim blame-y aspects to this story, hence the trigger warning. So Poseidon his having his fun and decides to find a nice little place they can go to do the nasty. Where does he think would be a great idea? One of Athena’s temples of course! You know, a literal place of worship dedicated to his rival who is known to dislike involvement in romantic/sexual relationships? Nothing could go wrong at all! They of course get caught, and Athena, being pissed, decides to curse Medusa with snakes for hair and the ability to turn people into stone just by looking at them (see why the name was familiar?) For good measure she also curses Medusa’s two sisters with the snake hair. The sisters are then dubbed the Gorgons and then go live in isolation on a island until they are killed by Perseus (a hero that Athena was helping).

So this Webtoon completely ignores the context behind this hatred and decides to make it into an enemies to lovers story based on unrequited feelings (the feelings of a person for their childhood caretaker too...still weird). I guess they wanted to do enemies to lovers and such based on a rivalry dynamic, but in doing so they erased most of the actual substance behind that rivalry by making it romantic and destroying the characterization of one of the main characters.

I can understand taking creative liberties, but before you do so you NEED to have a full understanding of the characters that you are adapting. If a mythological character is known for a certain practice (refraining from romance) or for having an extreme distaste for another figure (Athena hating Poseidon), INCLUDE IT. You NEED to have all of the bare bones basics before you start taking liberties.

For example, the original Athena:

Goddess of wisdom and strategy

Association with owls, olives, carries a shield known as Aegis

Highly values learning and knowledge

Prideful to a fault

Virgin goddess with no interest in romantic or sexual relationships

Extreme hatred for Poseidon as a result of repeated negative encounters

Those are the bare bones basics, after that you can do what you want.

Honestly I don’t think that this Webtoon is necessarily BAD, but it is VERY annoying when you have the context behind these characters (hence my frustration and inability to make it past 10 chapters). In my opinion, if the author wanted to write this storyline, they should have made their own OCs as opposed to butchering a pre-existing figure’s characterization.

(Also I’m so sorry I know that this isn’t relevant to my argument BUT THE POSEIDON REINCARNATION LOOKS SO BORING HE LOOKS LIKE A BACKGROUND CHARACTER WHERE IS THE FLAVOR????)

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Not sure if your asks are open but, I had an idea. The Papas/Cardinal get into a fight with their s/o, realizing afterwards that it was mostly their bad. How do they apologize and make it up to their s/o?

I LOVE this idea, because it’s a great way to see the very real human side of these guys! It’s nice getting to write them being honestly petty or in the wrong, as I don’t explore this as much as I’d like!  I enjoyed getting to look into their negative aspects and how they individually work to overcome their bad behaviors, so thank you for the prompt! 

Papa’s and Copia Making It Up to their S/O From a Fight that was THE PAPA’S Fault.

Papa Nihil: The argument you both had started as something small and accidentally became terrible. This is honestly where you, as his S/O, would see one of Nihil’s worst sides. Nihil is notorious for not only being stubborn, but when he feels he’s in the right he will absolutely refuse to listen to what you have to say. Coupled with decades of being Grand Papa, where his word is always LAW, makes for one very frustrating and emotionally draining argument. Hell, it’s one of the many reasons he doesn’t have a very good relationship with his children! It’s not until you leave the room, absolutely infuriated and nearly tears/rage that Nihil would actually stop to think about everything you were said. He grimly realizes that you were making good, sound points and HE was the one that had been out of line and dismissing you.

The apology doesn’t come as quickly as you might like. Because, again, this man is absurdly stubborn with an ego the size of the sun. But that doesn’t mean he won’t make it right. It takes a day or two for Nihil to battle with himself before finally approaching you. You’re almost skeptical of the pained look on his face when he says he’s sorry. That’s it? One sorry for the HOURS you went back and forth and the hurtful way he dismissed you? Nihil can’t blame you for still being upset but he sucks it up. He outlines WHY he was wrong and how, and he means it! Nihil doesn’t do this to justify his actions or invoke pity, but he will tell you that he let his own ego get in the way of what is right. You two end up having a very long, heartfelt discussion that ends with Nihil opening up far more about his short comings. 

He’s beginning to understand and accept that his behavior is destructive to the relationship you both have worked hard to build. And by Lucifer, he’s not going to let the habits that drove away so many push you away too! It will always take time after such a heated argument for you to fully forgive him, but Nihil does put in effort. He wants to make it up to you through actions- not words. So he learns to bite his tongue and not be so defensive. To keep his massive pride in check and learn that he’s not always right. And slowly he works at communicating better and actually LISTENING. He might also present you with a gift, as it’s his way of trying to make you smile. Something to clear the air and, hopefully, make you feel a little more relaxed and cheerful and not as mad at him!

Papa I: Arguments or fights between you two is very VERY few and in between. Not that you two are the perfect couple, but that you and Papa communicate very clearly and openly. So the time that you both get very heated and fight leaves you BOTH shaken, as it’s never been this serious before! Especially since he actually RAISED his voice to you. Papa is a man that prides himself on patience and to know he took such a horribly loud tone with you leaves him a bit shocked and appalled at himself. Papa has never yelled at anyone unless it was a very serious situation, and he feels horrible guilt for ever doing that to you. The only reason you raised your voice back is because HE lost his temper- and you had every right to defend yourself. 

Papa immediately apologizes but suggests you both have a moment to go into separate rooms and calm down. He’d offer to hug, if you were a person who needed that reassurance first, but to him it’s the best way for you both to get your thoughts together. So Papa and you spend at least a good hour coming down from the fight and get your thoughts together. Papa reflects on everything that happened and he knows from the bottom of his heart that he was incredibly out of line. One thing you learned about Papa is that he is the most mature and humble of his family (ironic, considering the church praises Pride and Vanity as a sin.) But Papa is a man who can admit when he is wrong, and your fight showed he was INCREDIBLY in the wrong. 

Papa gives you a very sincere and well thought out apology, especially for raising his voice at you. That’s NOT how a relationship should work, no matter the cause of the argument. You try to apologize for raising your voice back, but he doesn’t have any of it. No, you do NOT have to say sorry for defending yourself. Papa is like his father- he’s not for promises and words, he’s a man of action. Though he’s not going to try to buy your forgiveness with gifts or dates, as he feels that’s too shallow for his taste. Papa instead listens to you and your concerns for future fights and he damn well makes sure to come correct next time! Improved behavior and learning to Papa is the ultimate show of his sincerity. 

Papa II: Let’s be real, the fight started because he tends to have a condescending tone and a bit of a superiority complex. Normally, Papa’s grumpy attitude is never directed at you and only the people who work under him. With you he is an outstanding gentleman and polite. But, Papa is not a perfect man and sometimes he lets his attitude get in the way of many things. There have been plenty of times you’ve pointed out that he is very short with staff and other ministry members, and he’s never liked you correcting him but always bites his tongue. On this particular day, you told him that you weren’t going to be talked down to like you were some simple sibling of sin that was at his beck and call. The argument escalated quickly because he felt you were trying to tell HIM what to do, and not focusing on the fact that he was being disrespectful to you. 

You didn’t feed into it, though- and calmly told Papa to come find you when he got his head out of his ass. The moment you left Papa immediately felt embarrassed, like he just pulled the most childish tantrum in front of you. Granted, it took him a little while to actually approach you first. He needed the time to process what he wanted to say and to get over his own embarrassment... on top of being like his dad, and having a HUGE stubborn streak. A few days later you are approached by a ghoul to join Papa for dinner at a fancy restaurant. You accepted even if you were still peeved, yourself. To the average person it might seem like he was going to wine and dine to make it up to you- but you know better.

Dinner at a quiet restaurant for Papa is actually very important. It’s a neutral ground where you both can talk to each other calmly and have food as a distraction during awkward pauses. It’s a time for him to quietly apologize without the risk of being interrupted or having unwanted eavesdroppers. Papa, after the pleasantries of seeing you again, will cut to the chase and apologize. It’s very curt and to the point, because he doesn’t believe in begging or using fancy words to grovel. Papa doesn’t like to beat around the bush, especially when he is owning up to his mistakes. You have your own input and lay down exactly how you expect to be treated, in turn- and he listens. He makes it up to you by this dinner and a lovely calm night of talking and reconciling.... and if you two are feeling especially amorous for a ‘make up’ night, he let’s you in charge in private (wink wonk). 

Papa III: Papa is a lover and not a fighter, and rarely tries to let things escalate to a real argument. Most of the time should you fight he tries to redirect or make light of it so it DOESN’T get bad. But this time, you both ended up going back and forth to the point where feelings were hurt! It’s not until mid argument does Papa pauses and realize that the argument he started was because he misheard you, and misunderstood what you were upset about. Papa’s first instinct is to LAUGH and try to explain that he was the one who was wrong. But it’s a little too late for that! you tell him NO, that he doesn’t just get to laugh this own away! He’s confused cause he thinks he totally can considering this was just a huge misunderstanding. 

Now the thing about Papa is is that sometimes he doesn’t know when to back off. He means well, but the man is very impatient- especially with his partners being upset. So if he feels like he can fix something HE WANTS TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW! Which is all fine and dandy, but you want your space to cool off! So any of his attempts to immediately fix things just serve to irk you and make you feel like he’s brushing the situation aside. Eventually you get him out of your hair so you can have space to breathe and calm down on your own. Unfortunately for him, Papa spends the rest of his time pacing and trying to figure out what he can do to make this up for you.

Depending on the relationship you have, this can be so many different things. The next day you can be met with gifts, flowers, food, or small notes asking for your forgiveness and to call him. If that doesn’t work, more gifts or nice things with little “:(” notes attached to them. If that doesn’t work still, you might get him coming around cautiously doing silly things to get your attention and to make you laugh. Like buzzing his kazoo, doing things to purposely annoy you, or ANYTHING to just get you to look at him! When he finally gets your attention he does apologize- looking like a kicked puppy. He really does care he just really doesn’t know how to communicate a certain way. Papa HATES feeling like garbage or making you upset, and laughing is one of the ways to take the tension out of things. When you make up he might even offer something sexy as an apology! take that as you will! 

Cardinal Copia/Papa IV: The road to Papacy was filled with stress for both Copia and you. There would be days where you both were so high strung that the smallest things could make you snap. But your ire was never directed at each other until one night when the stress came to the head. Neither of you can even remember what sparked the argument, just that it was really insignificant in hindsight. Something small happened and suddenly Copia snapped at you. It went from bickering to a full blown argument where you both had to sleep apart for the night because you both were so angry and exhausted! 

When Copia can’t sleep it’s because he plays the fight over and over in his head. That night he’s plagued with realizing he started with you for virtually no reason and took out his pent up stress out on you. To say the least, the next day Copia looks like utter shit. When he sees you and you are ready to talk to him he grabs your hands so fast and practically begs for forgiveness. If he wasn’t so in control of himself he’d be on his knees in front of you. A bit dramatic, like Papa III, but it’s from deep seeded fear that his massive mistake will make you leave. Copia doesn’t get close to people very often and the thought of losing you kills him! 

But his pitiful pleas eventually stop and he sits to have an adult discussion with you. First and foremost, apologizing for ever putting you through all of that. Stress is not an excuse to go apeshit on someone who is just trying to help support you- especially over something so trivial. He listens when you tell him your own feelings and how you want to set a line of what is and what is not acceptable- which he whole heartedly agrees with. He’s a man of showing that behavior is far more important in showing someone you are sorry... but that doesn’t mean he won’t send you flowers or your favorite food during the day. It’s something he does for his own peace of mind and to show you he is thinking of you and does care. Copia also ends up communicating with you more often when he is stressed and needs to be alone than just holding it in. Copia is loathe to think of letting himself EVER blow up at you again! 

[unintentionalgenius]

so, I am a big music person, and while writing come then, and be broken I made a playlist for canon!verse buck + eddie, which I offer to you here:

Yes! Yes! Yes! // Hey Rosetta!

A Thousand Suns // Hey Rosetta!

The Fireman // George Strait

Brother // The Rural Alberta Advantage

Carry On // fun.

Texas Love Song // Slaid Cleaves

Is That Alright? // Lady Gaga (A Star is Born soundtrack)

Murder in the City // The Avett Brothers

Brand New Paradigm // Sons of Bill

Revolution Lover // Left at London

A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (Aprox) // The Yellow Dress

Must Have Done Something Right // Relient K

Levi // Old Crow Medicine Show

When You Love Somebody // Fruit Bats

Ho Hey // The Lumineers

Headstart // Jade Bird

Autoclave // The Mountain Goats

Who Am I (Live) // NEEDTOBREATHE

Damn These Vampires // The Mountain Goats

commentary below the cut.

I freely admit some of my reasoning is inscrutable to anyone who isn't me, but some of these are absolute gems and I feel like they deserve more attention.

Yes! Yes! Yes! // Hey Rosetta!

I know it's messy but you'll make it right You don't want pity you want pride

The roof is falling in The roof is falling in I'm not kidding You can probably feel the wind No, no, not again Put your head on my legs It's not time for your untimely end, yet No no no no no no no not yet

Like. This is The Song for a man who keeps throwing his body at problems because that's how he gets love and for someone who just wants to save him.

A Thousand Suns // Hey Rosetta!

Everyone around wants to give you their hands Everyone around puts their hands on your back And they say: we want to thank you so much! we want to thank you so much! Cause all you did for them, you also did for us

What you've done is not yours alone What you've done echoes on and on

The argument for this one honestly feels self-explanatory. If they haven't used this in the show yet, they should. 911 music supervision team all I want is a mention in the credits.

The Fireman // George Strait

My friends, this is a song about a man who hooks up with broken-hearted people and goes "running around this town putting out old flames". I can't not. Also it firmly fits into my argument that because of how old he is and where he's from, Eddie is legally obligated to be into this period of country music.

Brother // The Rural Alberta Advantage

And I heard your final cry Through the dark tonight I'm coming back for you

There's a dream I had Where somebody watched out for me and you

Carry On // fun.

Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows To know you can never look back ...reads so much like something Eddie would say to Buck - your family sucks and mine sucks less but they still suck; sometimes you just gotta move on and build a new one. With me? 🥺

Texas Love Song // Slaid Cleaves

Once again I just like peppering in little reminders that Eddie is Southern, and I can't not use this song since I know it exists. It's literally a love song where every good aspect of the beloved is compared to something wonderful about Texas. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Is That Alright? // Lady Gaga (A Star is Born soundtrack)

Say whatever you want about Lady Gaga or this film (I like both but neither are hills I will die on), this is a gorgeous song about wanting the entire rest of your life with someone. It still manages to be bittersweet without ever encoding an unhappy ending in the lyrics themselves. It's just beautiful, idk.

Murder in the City // The Avett Brothers

If I get murdered in the city Don't go revengin' in my name One person dead from such is plenty No need to go get locked away When I leave your arms The things that I think of No need to get over-alarmed I'm comin' home This verse has big first responder energy in general, which also makes it good for the show (again music supervision team feel free to borrow this I just want credit). The second verse has big Buck energy though:

I wonder which brother is better Which one our parents love the most I sure did get in lots of trouble They seem to let the other go

Brand New Paradigm // Sons of Bill

The world will keep on turning without you burning out the gears Seconds still collecting into just another year No need for you to pay such close attention all the time Quit passing on the left, let the world go passing by and by

This one just in general feels like a plea to two people who carry the entire world on their shoulders to let someone else carry it, goddammit. Or better yet, understand that no one has to.

Revolution Lover // Left at London

I know that your hope's been missin' I know we both coulda almost died I know it's harder everyday to provide But it's gonna change, I can feel it comin' And when it's here, we’ll be side-by-side I know we'll make it out of this one alive

It is honestly just textual at this point. Also this one is an absolute bop, 10/10.

A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (Aprox) // The Yellow Dress

This song is exactly what it says on the tin, and also a wonderful love song framed with such lush domesticity I could cry.

Must Have Done Something Right // Relient K

We should get jerseys 'Cause we make a good team But yours would look better than mine 'Cause you're outta my league And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday I spend with you is the new best day of my life Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust It's jealousy, they can see that we've got it going on

Ok Buck and I are about the same age, and Eddie is only a few years younger, so this has the benefit of being completely correct for the music of their (our) youth and ALSO is absolutely lyrically on point. I could have pasted the entire lyrics in here but I made myself only pick one section.

Levi // Old Crow Medicine Show

It's a song about a good ol' Southern boy who gets sent to war out in the desert "a million miles from home" where they "shot him down". It's mournful as hell but still manages to be upbeat.

When You Love Somebody // Fruit Bats

When you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouthful of blood

Ho Hey // The Lumineers

So show me family All the blood that I will bleed I don't know where I belong I don't know where I went wrong

Headstart // Jade Bird

I've more pride than many This is kind of rare for me Everyone knows that it's true You're the only one in the room But you don't see me, do you? Must be blind not to That's alright I'll keep on Putting myself on the line

Just. the biggest pining vibes. It's beautiful. Also musically a 10/10 song!

Autoclave // The Mountain Goats

And I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam And no one in her right mind would make my home her home

This one is a big Buck song for me. The only problem is the gendered language in the lyrics but the vibe? Impeccable. It's just really anchored in this utter desperation to be seen and known and loved even when you think you don't deserve it.

Who Am I (Live) // NEEDTOBREATHE

Last night, confidence was shaken My wounds and my past was saying No one should ever love me like you do

Still I can't imagine that I've earned your trust I don't understand where your love comes from

horrifyingly, the deep dive I just did to grab these lyrics suggest this song?? is about??? God??? anyway all that aside it's SO good. Just pretend it's about a human relationship (idk that's probably heresy to the Christians don't @ me).

Damn These Vampires // The Mountain Goats

I cannot point you to an exact lyric or idea, but somehow this song just screams "sad city boys with a cowboy motif". Which - how could I not?

[direese]

TTP Junoverse character classpects

Juno- Mage of Mind: Juno as a mind player is fairly obvious as mind players are known for their knowledge, flexibility of information and self, and their wit. Heavens knows the lady loves his snappy one-liners. But most importantly is he is fucking terrible with emotions, especially his own. The aspects of Heart and Mind actively work against each other, and it has been proven that Juno falls apart when dealing with said emotions. Mages are a creative class, but are also known for suffering through their aspect. Juno suffers through his own mind often in the form of overthinking and plaguing himself with poor mental health, denial, and the worst coping mechanisms on all of Mars. while his mind may be an absolute wonder it is also often his downfall as he creates his own mental blocks- most notable in The Soul of The People and The Monsters Reflection. it's also been proven that once Juno gets over his own mental blocks he can do incredible things. Season 1 Juno could never dream of becoming season 3 Juno.

Rita- Slyph of Blood: Rita had the easiest one if I'm being completely honest. The blood aspect is one of relations and comradery, and Rita is know for being a people person. Motivation and Spiritual leader ship are qualities she has in her own unique Rita way. Sylphs are healers often heal through their aspect. Rita's ability to create bonds and friendships have been proven to positively affect those around her especially Juno and Jet. Despite the fact the he may lash out at her, Juno needs Rita as she often gets through to him in a way no one else can which is mostly proven through all the flashback sequences in the soul of the people. Jet has also grown fond of Rita, showing her a side that almost no one knows about in tools of rust. Sylphs are also sometimes self-healing classes and Rita often heals herself through interactions with other people. without them she will become lost, as scene at the end of The Long Road Home and The Soul of The People.

Peter- Theif of Void: Peter being Thief is as obvious as Juno being a mind player but listen. Theifs are known to take the aspects from others and in some cases can end up taking the aspects from themselves. Void is aspect of shadows and secrets, often taking empty spaces as their canvas. Peter's ability to move and change his identity is granted to his ability of void. No one can look twice at something that doesn't exist. those of void value mystery and The unexplained and Peter's real name is a secret that he held to his chest for a very long time. however he ends up taking away that mystery from himself when he begins to fall for Juno. so many things that he kept in the dark ended up being put in the light and this can mostly be seen in the Angel of Brahma and the Man in glass. But in true Void fashion, seems like every time one secret is out in the open a new one is discovered and waiting to be explored.

Buddy - Witch of Hope: finding Buddy's aspect was a bit hard, but eventually I settled on Hope. The hope aspect is known for two things: their idea of right and wrong and their convictions. This does not mean they are in any way a saint and will Destroy with the promise of something better being created instead. Buddy's skill with people and quest to find the cure all is proof that she will do what she thinks is best for her own goals. Witches are the most flexible class, often known for breaking the rules of their aspect. Buddy has the ability to bend hope for both herself and others as proven with the creation of the Carte Blanche. she Sparks hope in those who people who didn't think hope could exist for them any more such as Jet and Vespa, and most impressively Juno "bad time extraordinaire" Steel. When he first met her he was in a terrible place, despite this when he was ready for change and for hope she was who he went to. Not to say that buddy herself is without her own hope as proven with how she waited for Vespa for all those years.

Jet- Knight of Space: the space aspect is known for being an observer aspect. not really interacting unless absolutely necessary. that does not mean that they're passive, and jet has made it very clear that he will break your spine if necessary. both players of space and Jet himself are known for their patience and their "take things as they come" attitude. However aspects itself is also known for properties innovation and redemption, sometimes destroying things in order to make it stronger. the Knight class is an active class often coming into their power but without realizing it and are often known for keeping masks. from the beginning Jet was mysterious and aloof to the point where he wouldn't even tell Juno his name, eventually as time went on it was revealed that Jet had a past that he was trying to keep a secret that only buddy knew about. This was the past of destruction that was greatly explored in Tools of Rust. He destroy his old self, destroy the destroyer in order to become the person she was today. Knight are also known as a protection class often falling into the role of the cliche knight in shining armor which jet often does through his loyalty for Buddy and his protection of Rita.

Vespa- Heir of Doom: Vespa being a player Doom is fairly obvious as Doom players are known for being appointed sufferers and pessimists.her paranoia and deteriorating mental health constantly caused her to doubt the reality around her ultimately making her a suffer of the universe, however, her mental health wasn't always in such a bad state. well it wasn't a hundred percent perfect as buddy had mentioned she had always been paranoid and this fact was added upon through flashbacks. Her visions of Doom got worse with time possibly due to the class of the Heir. Heir are known for being enveloped by their aspect and being changed or inviting change through the aspect. Many times she has said that she has a bad feeling about something and usually she ends up being correct and suffering for it like, like what happened when she got separated from buddy. Without buddy around to give her Hope her aspect of Doom became worse. despite this Vespa still uses the power of her Doom in order to help her differentiate between her own mind and reality which is prominently explored in the shadows on the ship.

Bonus: Mick- Page of Heart: Heart players are often known for self-exploration, baffling nativity, and extreme emotional attachment all of which Mick has plenty of. despite all the time that has passed he still discovering himself and he still feels a very strong attachment to Juno and Sasha. but what I find most interesting about Mick is the development of his character. When he was first introduced many people like "haha funny character comedic relief". However as the series went on he proved to be more integral to Juno's life than any of us thought. Pages are known for starting out slow and then coming into a power none of us thought of. And Micks power is making Juno feel feelings. As mentioned earlier, Heart and Mind are opposites that actively work against each other. Any time Mick and Juno are together some shenanigans and usually an argument happens between the two before eventually Juno goes through an emotional Revelation he's been trying to avoid. Micks maturity level and Juno's emotional availability are often something the two of them end up butting heads about which is probably why Juno is so mean to him in the first place. despite this it has been proven that Juno loves and cares for Mick and ultimately wants him to be healthy and happy and is willing to lay down his life for him, as seen in the lesson learned and the man of the future.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.

[gautier-desroches]

▪︎ Gautier Desroches ▪︎

Bio down below ! 🔻🔻🔻

◦ ғᴜʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ◦

Gautier Desroches 

◦ ʜɪᴘᴘʏ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ◦

Aurahaze

◦ ᴀɢᴇ ◦

23

◦ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴏғ ʙɪʀᴛʜ ◦

October 22

◦ ᴢᴏᴅɪᴀᴄ sʏᴍʙᴏʟ ◦

Libra

◦ ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ◦

Male

◦ ᴘʀᴇғᴇʀʀᴇᴅ ᴘʀᴏɴᴏᴜɴs ◦

He/Him

◦ sᴇxᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏ ◦

Gay

◦ ᴇᴛʜɴɪᴄɪᴛʏ ◦

French

◦ ʜᴇɪɢʜᴛ ◦

6’1” (185 cm)

◦ ᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ ◦

135 Ibs

◦ ᴛᴀᴛᴛᴏᴏs/sᴄᴀʀs/ᴘɪᴇʀᴄɪɴɢs ◦

Nipple piercings. Usually wears long chain jewelry there. Also has a tattoo of a cat on his shoulder.

◦ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

Gautier is the definition of a sweetheart. He’s constantly making sure the people around him feel comfortable and loved, and always offering emotional advice and moral support. Literally the first thing he asks someone when he first meets them is their preferred pronouns and any triggers they have.

Defense: “But the officers called me Mr. at the crime scene? I thought you knew that?”

Gautier: -comforting smile as he puts a hand on their shoulder- “Just ‘cause someone calls you something doesn’t mean it’s accurate. Also I use ‘dude’ and ‘man’ as a gender neutral term, but if that ever bothers you I can adjust immediately”

This kindness also seems to shine in court, as he even provides support for the defense when they’re feeling down. 

Defense: -is super stressed out because they’ve gone on a wild theory and doesn’t know what evidence to present-

Gautier: “Hey man…just take a breath. Clear your mind, and the answer will come to you. I believe in you dude, you can do this”

Even his objections don’t hold much bite, as he usually points out the flaw in the defense’s claim gently instead of mockingly. 

“Not to throw off your vibes, dude…I’m totally digging where you’re going with your theory but like…that kind of contradicts this evidence, right?”

This aspect of himself, while in his tender nature, is also due to the fact that he cares more about the truth than winning. 

Gautier is a fun mix of your stereotypical teenage skater boy and hippy. The first because of his tendency to use words such as “Dude, bruh, killer, radical, etc” and the second because he’s very in tune with emotions and nature. He’s also a little stupid when it comes to stuff people usually know? A bit of a ditz, if you will. 

Someone: “Are you the breadwinner of the household?”

Gautier: “Duuuude….I won bread? That’s like…so killer man. I hope it’s whole wheat…”

However, don’t underestimate him. Gautier is quite intelligent when it comes to tougher topics, like law, emotions, science, and other schooly subjects. It often throws people for a loop when he corrects them about certain facts in a long tangent. 

Gautier, other than law, also loves music. It’s his side career. But while he knows how to play guitar and piano he isn’t trying to make a career out of them. He’s actually trying to become a famous kazoo player. 

“The kazoo just brings so much happiness and laughter to people, man…it really speaks to me”

Gautier, surprisingly, tends to put off more people than he should. Mostly his coworkers. People see the way he acts so carefree and unprofessional and look down on him. Some also aren’t fond of his empathetic side, as Gautier is more sensitive than most. He is sometimes known to go in “Moods”, where he’s down about something he’s learned. These can range from actual dark topics, to the death of a bug on his way to work. As you may realize, this can be tough to deal with when you’re trying to get something done and he’s busy sulking. 

All in all though, Gautier is a genuinely good dude, and more cooperative with the defense than he probably should be. 

◦ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛʀᴀɪᴛs ◦

◦ Empathetic

◦ Honest

◦ Passionate

◦ Intelligent 

◦ ʙᴀᴅ ᴛʀᴀɪᴛs ◦

◦ Not common sense smart

◦ Gullible

◦ Sensitive

◦ Physically touchy

◦ sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜs ◦

◦ Catching on to the little things in a case

◦ Noticing his witnesses emotions

◦ Making a witness that’s about to breakdown feel better

◦ Doesn’t lie, so never caught in any. Also has very lax body language, so hard to detect his nervous ticks unless he’s in a mood.

◦ ᴡᴇᴀᴋɴᴇssᴇs ◦

◦ Animals (Allergic)

◦ Easy for Athena to detect his emotions since he’s very open with them.

◦ Because he never lies, if he’s forced to he’s super bad at it.

◦ When in a mood, he’s a flurry of ticks. He gets a twitchy pouting lip, he rubs the back of his neck, he hides in his hair more, etc. When not in a mood, his nervous ticks are well hidden because they’re mistaken for carefree confidence. Ex, widened smiles, hands in pockets, blowing hair out of face. Of course, these are easier to see for the trained eye.

◦ ғᴇᴀʀs/ᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀs ◦

◦ Lighting & Thunder

◦ Darkness

◦ Background ◦

Gautier was raised in Seattle for his childhood days. His life was relatively normal, learning both of his mother’s behaviors and teachings as he grew. He was a very bright child, quick to learn and quick to make friends because of his carefree nature. As he grew though, children who were once fascinated by his connection with earth and its inhabitants started to find him strange. That only got worse when his family moved to France for his high school years. 

Gautier stuck out like a sore thumb, not suited socially to the expensive school his parents signed him up for. They had wanted him to have wonderful opportunities, especially since his mom needed the family to move for work reasons. But that only backfired as he became a target of bullying. It didn’t help that the teachers saw him as a problem child as, despite his good grades, he had a tendency for violating uniform guidelines, had a ‘marijuana user’ way of speaking (not the nicest thing to overhear a teaching saying), etc. 

The bullying took its worst turn on the night of the overnight musicthon. An event where musicians of the school would write a song overnight, and the best song would win tuition money for college. That night there was a dreadful storm, and his bullies had locked him outside on one of the school’s upper floor verandas, trapping him in the downpour. It only got worse when the storm left the school in a blackout. Now left in scary darkness, Gautier was panicked. He curled up on the floor, hoping to avoid the edge so he wouldn’t fall off. 

That was when it struck. 

A shot of lighting, just outside of the veranda.

The crack of light and overwhelming roar of thunder left Gautier in shambles. It’s strike resulted in a broken telephone wire, the edge slicing his shoulder and leaving a nasty scar. Despite the injury, Gautier was too scared to move. Even after the storm was over, Gautier didn’t move from his spot, hands covering his ears and eyes shut with fear. He was found by a teacher hours later, and quickly taken to the hospital.

His mother, Séraphine Desroches, came to the school the next day. Her son wasn’t telling her who did it, so she would find out herself. Being a prosecutor for years, it didn’t take her long to piece together what happened. She waited until her son was better to take action, demanding an audience with the principal, bullies, their parents, the teachers that were on watch that night, etc. Then she got to work, accusing the boys responsible with elegance, intimidation and hard evidence. Needless to say the boys were expelled once their actions were brought to light. 

That incident stuck with Gautier in more ways than one. It left him with an extreme fear of lighting, thunder, and darkness. And it made him want to pursue being a prosecutor. The way his mom had pieced together her argument and gotten justice for him was inspiring, and an insane relief. He wanted to give that feeling to every person that had been wronged. So, after his last two years of high school spent in a less snooty school, he took up law in college (as well as therapy) and the rest is history.

◦ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴏᴄᴄᴜᴘᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ◦

Prosecutor and musician.

◦ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛs ◦

Mom: Tilda Desroches (Auramother Soulquest) - 50 years old. Pet Groomer. 

Mom: Séraphine Desroches - 53 years old. Prosecutor. 

◦ sɪʙʟɪɴɢs ◦

None

◦ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴛɪᴄ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛ ◦

None

° VOICE HEADCANON °

Matthew Gallenstein 

Ex. Finn from Life is Strange 2